#shit i don't think they'll let you sell a house like that

[ploridafanthers]

oh, also the electricians mentioned that some people in this area still have the original 1930s-50s wiring to their original 1930s-50s houses

if i wanted to live on the edge i’d wing-walk airplanes or something because that’s less bills if i’m unlucky, not more

[rainbowgaez]

this current war on adblockers feels so stupid. so much time and resource is getting blown on something that feels like it only has one logical outcome. i simply do not have time to look at that shit. we live in an abundance of content, and there is just no reality in which i have even a fraction of a second to waste being advertised to. if you have to shove your name in my face, im automatically doubtful of whatever product or service it is because time has proven again and again that most of the time, most of it is bullshit.

not only that, but none of these sites are on good enough terms with me to even consider making that concession with. like do you honestly think i like any of these websites enough to let them waste my time? every single big platform is letting LLM garbage seep into its pores. everything i see has to be viewed under an increasingly zoomed in lens of scrutiny. every day i have to learn the new ways people are trying to sell candied turds because they're starting to get good at making them look like real chocolate, and every day it i inch closer to saying "why am i even fucking bothering" and ripping the cable line out of my house.

the rules and TOS on almost each site begging me to stop using adblockers are all arbitrarily enforced to the point where everyone regardless of viewpoint feels as though they're one wrongly worded post away from being booted without even being given a reason, and that's assuming they don't end up a victim of an easily executed mass reporting campaign. the moderation's hands are tied. they know the complaints aren't legit, but there are just so many of them. their tickets are all backed up. they have to clear the queue or else they'll get reprimanded for poor performance. so what if that's where most of your social connections with people across the world were. you can go to one of these other 5 websites that all have the same host of issues, some worse than others. but please give us 5.99 a month and we'll stop showing you ads bro. come on bro its only 8.99. dude trust me for 12.99 a month its so worth it. you can afford a measly 15.99 a month right? you can't beat the savings 19.99 a month (charged yearly, non-refundable) gives you.

i get it, you use something for free, you are the product, but it has never been easier to reason with myself why i should no longer be a part of this stupid transaction because i get less and less out of it by the day

[emmis15]

Daryl's Three favorite memories.

1-

Daryl Dixon might be a very closed off person with a receptive but unfriendly personality, but even with his bad attitude or rude way of relating to his surroundings, he somehow managed to hit the jackpot amidst the walking dead and the pain.

Katherine Sánchez, the girl he met on the farm, was different from the prejudices that he had already placed on her shoulders. To think that just because of her last name or her millionaire family in New York that she would be a privileged and stupid girl was far from who she was, and one of the first nights we were all together, she could see it.

—I never said being a drug addict is a good thing, don't put words in my mouth. I'm just criticizing how you think people become addicts. It's a Disney fantasy to say 'bad people are addicts' or 'people with no future' because it's false and totally uninformed, especially for a cop. Did you know that overprescribing opioids for every damn physical problem created an entire generation of addicts, right?—Kat asked Shane as she took a long sip from the bottle of red wine.

We were all sitting around a campfire in front of Hershel's house; he was inside sleeping while his daughters, except for Beth who was inside, were outside with us. Kat was next to Maggie, who was glued to Glenn, and that made me laugh because his red face from alcohol and skin-to-skin contact with that girl made him look like a tomato. But I stopped making fun of him to listen to the conversation.

—That's what liberals say, it's the only future, more or less with money or without money, for low-income people and a very normal reality for them, girl. ¿Have you ever seen what those neighborhoods are like?—He asked her, looking at her seriously.

—No, but if you put two neurons together, people addicted to opioids, after they stop using them because they couldn't get them anymore and the authorities shut them down instead of helping them because, I repeat, THEY CAUSED THE PROBLEM they'll seek that feeling elsewhere and end up in those neighborhoods. People with incredible futures or normal people who, I don't know, break a leg, for example, end up dead from using crack or steroids.

—¿And what about the people who sell them? Drug traffickers and distributors, what happens to them? Are they good people for giving them what they need? Because I'm pretty sure those types of people aren't normal or people who got into that million-dollar business that takes lives just because they broke their damn legs or something. —Shane responded.

She sighed heavily as she shook her head. I straightened up and stopped leaning against the tree to look at her; the whole group was silent as we watched them.

—And the economic problems of this shit society and monetary organization, plus the crises we go through, don't ring a bell to you? It's much easier to sell drugs without experience than to get another job. Plus, it pays the bills and supports families, but in the same way, it discards people as if they were nothing, since putting drug dealers in prison doesn't achieve anything because it's a whole organization.

—Maybe you have a point in that, but anyway, it's better to lock up a person than to let them go when they do something against the law.

—¿And what about helping them? You were supposed to be a cop and "help people." ¿Do you think these people were there by their own choice? ¿Do you think they woke up one day and said, 'I want to sell drugs'? This isn't like Breaking Bad.

—Girl, I'm a cop, not the president. I just lock up the bad people and save the good ones. End of story.

—That's very black and white, and life isn't like that. We're gray; you can't lock people up just because they resorted to the last thing they had to feed their families. And believe me, I know you're a cop, and not much can be done, but that's where morality comes in, or thinking with your head instead of brutality. ¿Why not help people for something better and dismantle organizations? Or something simpler, ¿instead of locking up drug-addicted people on the street, take them to a hospital or clinics? Something that actually helps them.

—Why does it bother you so much, girl? I just made a joke, and everyone laughed. ¿Can't you just laugh and forget?

—No, because that's not right, since from your privileged and problem-free point of view, you think only bad people among the poor are addicts and will end up living under a damn bridge. But it's not like that. I know I was very, very privileged in life before all this shit happened, even with that, with not lacking anything and never having to worry about money, I ended up in the same boat as the addicts.

I raised an eyebrow at that; it was odd for a privileged person to defend my previous usual situation with my brother or my neighborhood, but now everything closed when she said that.

—¿To what?" I asked her seriously, leaning my elbows against my knees.

—Adderall and antipsychotics. Now I'm fine because it was like a year ago, but anyway, he can't be such a bastard to say that, and it surprises me that he's a cop, although I don't know why I do it since cops are fucking shit—she said, getting up and taking the half-empty bottle with her.

We all stopped looking at her when she disappeared into the darkness to look at Maggie, her friend since they were kids.

—Her parents pressured her to be perfect in everything she did, so she pretended to have ADHD and schizophrenia in front of a psychiatrist to get those prescribed medications after coming to the conclusion that being at the top of success cost a price. She stopped her pills when I found out, and we noticed that it was killing her, but it's still a recent wound, and besides, Kat has always been an advocate for the poor—Maggie explained as she took a long sip of water, looking at the fire.

I got up from the ground and walked the same steps where Kat's body had gone, leaving me standing in the middle of the backyard near the barn, watching her from afar sitting against the poorly painted and old wooden planks at the back with her legs to her chest and continuously taking sips while looking at the moon.

—For a mommy and daddy's girl, you turned out pretty real—I said as I approached her.

—It doesn't matter who provides you with sperm or who gives birth to you; What matters is who raises you and with what mentality those people show you the world— her gaze never left the moon

—¿Butlers and nannies?

—Workers like cooks or cleaners, my mother's assistant and just a nanny. All immigrants because 'people from difficult countries create workers who don't complain', according to my parents—she said with disgust in his voice. —I don't agree at all with what my parents did or with what they thought they had in their heads, besides it seems shitty to me that those people raised me and never had good pay for their extra work.

—The black sheep of the family, it seems—I said with a laugh in my voice.

—My parents' favorite, in case you didn't notice—the sarcasm in her voice made me laugh.

We stayed silent for a long time, both of us looking at the clear sky, enjoying the cold air.

—My brother was an addict, but he was a bad person.

—¿Didn't he make it out?

—¿Get here? No, he was even in the group before he came here and remained an addict. The pills Glenn brought were his.

—¿Did he become one of those bastards or did he go out as a lone wolf?

I chuckled at the latter.

—Rick handcuffed him to the roof of a building, and when I went to look for him, he had cut off his hand to escape — I said as I grabbed the bottle and took a long swig.

—Police brutality doesn't even wane in an apocalypse, it's not surprising, to be honest — her lips pursed.

—I don't know if he's alive, but at least I know that only one Dixon kills another Dixon.

—My father told me that once, only a Sanchez can bring down another Sanchez. He was talking about our empire as the second-largest bank in the United States and our generational wealth, but I think it applies.

We both fell silent, staring at the stars and the moon with the empty bottle between us.

Daryl thought a lot about that memory when he was trapped by Negan, thinking about Kat and how they had thought the best thing that ever happened to him helped him not to think about the images of Glenn or the loud music that deafened him, he just kept reliving moments, but that was one of his favorites.

Hello, this is my first job, and I'm not a native English speaker, so if there's any mistake, please let me know respectfully, and I hope you like it <3

(I want to clarify that I am not an expert on the topic of drugs or anything related. Everything the character says is based on the research I conducted about reality. If there is anything wrong with the topics discussed, please let me know with all due respect so that I can avoid problems and prevent causing negative feelings for others who may feel attacked by the subject matter)

[winslowat3am]

Do u give money to people on tumblr?

Short answer, no. I don't reblog those posts, either. Majority of them are scammers, bonus scamster points if they use their race/gender as emotional manipulation. (Rant incoming cause this pissed me off, not you, but it had me thinking about a lot of shit). I'm sorry but I could never be on Tumblr begging for money, that's embarrassing, no offense. I commend anyone who's shameless enough to do that cause in all seriousness, couldn't be me. I feel like there are just some things you shouldn't do & asking strangers, half of which are minors, to give you their hard earned money in trade for nothing is one of them. The victim mentality of "let me spam my followers with a bunch of sob story updates about my life's issues & guilt trip them into giving me cash", no. Leave them alone. That shit's annoying, inconsiderate & entitled. & it's always the same fucking people holding their hand out. The people you're begging for cash are more than likely struggling too & need theirs. Tumblr is the worst place to ask for assistance. If you need money then you should seek a financial aid program, or I don't know, log the fuck out & get a job like everyone else? That's what people who need money do. There's no excuse, I said this before & I'll say it again, making money nowadays is easier than it has ever been cause of access to technology. Everything is virtual. You can work from home. There are people making millions eating for a fucking living on YouTube. If you're broke atp it's cause you either make excuses for why you can't work or you're just lazy. It's a choice. You don't even need to physically go out & find a real job. Make something. Perform a service. Everyone has something they can offer. Don't sit there & expect people to pay you for nothing. I hate lazy ass people who wallow in self pity, make excuses & don't contribute anything to society & simply exist to leech off others. It's parasitic & pathetic. You "can't work", but you can play around on social media every day? Hmm. You deserve to live in poverty then. You're not special. You better sell some p-ssy, d!ck or c*ke. If you're bussing it open to everyone anyway you might as well get paid for it, in the words of my wife, "make it count". Seriously, I don't respect those people. Tumblr beggars are the equivalent of irl bums who loiter at gas stations harassing passersby for change. It's fucking irritating & unfair that we live in a world where weak people are rewarded, coddled, catered to & given breaks for doing nothing. "Oh well, you know, John can't work, he's dealing with a breakup that has him in a deep depression. I just- I don't know if his mental health will allow him to work." Bro, I sympathize but at the end of the day, screw John. He has no real problems. There are people with cancer & aids right now who are working. People with no limbs are working. He can work, he's physically able to, but ultimately he won't cause he's a mentally weak man with no drive. Let's just call it what it is. I've been homeless & depressed before, I dug myself out of that hole WITH NO HELP, if people can bounce back from homelessness, addiction, abusive relationships & rebuild their lives, if people with deformities can work there's no excuse for why these lazy asses are living in houses, have food & water, with themselves being the only person they have to take care of but they're on here begging us & living off the gov't. That shit IS sad. & I get so heated over this topic cause the bastards who log on & beg aren't going to log off fucking Tumblr & make adjustments so they can afford to live, they're not going to or offer an exchange, they'll continue to do this shit. In the comfort of their home. Meanwhile, the ones they beg have to scrounge. So no motherfucker, I can't help you spend my money. Follower counts mean nothing here cause nobody gets paid on this dead app, this ain't YouTube. If you have hella followers but you still can't eat or pay your bills it's a sign your priorities are fucked. Up. Your followers owe you nothing. Have a little pride & self respect.

[jmrothwell]

"hold my hand" "absolutely not" "they'll think somethings wrong if you don't" *grabs hand and kisses cheek* / sweet tarts

“Do you need a job?” 

Reggie startled ever so slightly, trying his best to hide it by sitting up from the lounging position he was in while reading his book. Once up he found an aggravated Carrie standing in the doorway of the studio. 

“Are you talking to me?” He asked, looking around knowing full well he was the only one here. Everyone else had gotten pulled into various family holiday events. Even Luke and his mom had managed to reach a sort of compromise for the season. 

“Is there anyone else here?” She said again before releasing a long exhale disguised as a groan, “Anyway, did you need a job or not?”

“A job” He couldn’t help repeating the question, one of his eyebrows rising against his better judgment. 

“Ok, so it’s barely a job.” She said weight shifting as she adjusted her feet with her eye roll. Her gaze shifted away from him, examining the room around them, eyes lingering on the many photos Flynn and Julie had plastered across the wall. “I really just need someone to come with me when I go to my mom’s for Christmas.”

“I’m sorry what?” He really didn’t mean to blurt out the question as fast as he did. Still blinking away the shock of the words he was hearing. Couldn’t recall her ever mentioning her mom before, or anyone for that matter. Though if he had to judge based on the way Carrie’s face scrunched up and how she shifted her feet again she wasn’t very comfortable with the topic. 

“My mom’s been trying to reconnect and make up for lost time.” She said, voice bordering on her peppy show tone. 

“I don’t know.”

“It would be just for a week and she lives incredibly close to some decent skiing. So you could think of it more like a little winter vacation if you’d like.” Carrie said, her voice never straying far from that peppy ‘sales pitch’ tone which did not ease any unease he had at the idea. 

“What’s the catch?”

“There’s no catch.” She quickly said, disbelief written all over her face in the short seconds before managing to school her expression again. “Look, me and my family are even paying for everything. All you have to do is show up.”

He chewed over the idea, also chewing the inside of his bottom lip not really buying this perfect vacation she was trying to sell him on. There definitely had to be something she wasn’t telling him. Why him? Why not any of her other friends? 

On the other hand, it would be nice to have something to keep him out of his parents house that wouldn’t also have all his friends playing their usual ‘let’s help Reggie without him knowing it’ tactics. It might take them all a while to believe Carrie had randomly offered him what basically amounted to an all expenses paid ski trip out of nowhere. But weirder things had happened. 

“All right, when’s this trip?” He asked, trying not to be floored by Carrie’s unexpectedly bright, if short lived, smile. 

“We leave tomorrow.” She said digging her phone out of her purse and settling on the couch so close to him she‘d barely need to move to be in his lap. “Quick, give me your number so I can send you the details.”

“Oh yeah, sure.” He said fumbling for his phone, caught a little off guard by both her sudden proximity and the amount of shit he suddenly had to do before tomorrow. 

He barely registered everything she said about texting her his address to coordinate with her driver. Far too focused on mentally making his packing list, hoping he had enough clean clothes. Didn’t even question her when she suddenly pulled him in for a series of selfies, the first half dozen inadequate because he didn’t look happy enough. He doubted he ever looked happy enough, certain she just gave up, and resorted to using whatever filter for whatever app she was sure to be posting it to.

The next day didn’t fare much better for his nerves. Pleasantly surprised when she did in fact show up at his place several hours before the sun would even dare to be up so they could get to the airport on time. Too tired to enjoy the fact he got to sit in the slightly roomier business class, falling asleep before the even finished taking off. It was a rare direct flight too, so he wouldn’t get another chance until the flight home. 

Just as they passed security and into the throng of all the friends and family waiting, Carrie’s hand gripped his bicep tight pulling his attention to her as they walked. 

“Ok so, before we get too far there is something you need to know.” She said in a sort of half whisper, trying to not be overheard but still trying to be heard over the noise all around them. “I may have lied about there not being a catch.”

His heart clenched, he knew it was too good to be true, but more than that he felt more than a little betrayed. Did she seriously wait til he couldn’t escape to tell him what basically amounted to his side of the deal? He didn’t get the chance to call her out though, as soon a woman Reggie could describe as overly sparkly was rushing toward them with a big smile. 

“Carrie?” The woman said, throwing her arms around Carrie who had never looked so tense before.

“Aunt Debbie.” Carrie said through a forced grin, “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“What nonsense.” Aunt Debbie said as she playfully slapped Carrie’s shoulder. “Of course we were going to pick you up, Richard’s keeping the car warm. Your mom would have come but she’s a little preoccupied.”

Aunt Debbie tried to do a little hand wave through the air, her vibrant nails looking more like talons than Reggie expected them to, clearly trying to dismiss or wave something away. The movement only seemed to make Carrie tense up more than she already was. Reggie didn’t get long to focus on that though as Aunt Debbie’s attention fell on him.

“Oh sorry, you must be..?”

“Oh, right, sorry. Aunt Debbie, this is Reggie.” Carrie said as Reggie extended his hand out to shake Debbie’s, all of the syllables he was going to use to greet her with however froze up in his throat as Carrie continued on. “My boyfriend I was telling you all about.”

“Ooooh well aren’t you handsome.” Debbie said, patting his, the sensation all he needed to know he wasn’t dreaming. “Well, we better hurry up before Rich gets too bored and does something foolish. Did you check anything?”

Debbie walked off after Carrie’s reassurances they only had carry-on’s. Reggie did not follow, forcing Carrie to double back for him, if she felt any guilt over the situation she had it hidden well under all the resigned exhaustion she wore.

“Your boyfriend?” 

“It’s only for the week.” 

“Carrie we’ve barely ever spoken to each other.” He said in lieu of saying how they could barely be called friends. 

“Please,” she said, surprising them both, though she recovered faster than he did. “Like I said it’s only for the week. We don’t even have to get all lovey-dovey with the pet names or overt PDA.”

“But why do they need to think I”m your boyfriend?”

Carrie quickly looked over her shoulder to where Aunt Debbie was impatiently looking like she was waiting patiently.  “I promise I’ll tell you later.”

He sighed, slowly resigning himself to the idea. His only other real options being telling everyone the truth and spending the next week uncomfortably awkward around strangers or trying to find some way to pay for a flight back home and leaving Carrie alone, by herself. “You owe me.”

She nodded as she painted on that winning showmanship smile of hers, “Of course, now hold my hand.”

“Absolutely not.” The words were out of his mouth faster than he intended, still too caught up in his own blindsided irritation. Her smile barely faltered, the slightest furrow of her brow.

“They’ll think somethings wrong if you don’t.”

He glanced toward Debbie who had definitely stopped trying to not look confused. He didn’t exactly trust his mouth at the moment, so he merely held out his hand towards Carrie. She grasped it in hers and pulled him down so she could quickly press a quick kiss to his cheek and whispering a quick “thank you” into his ear. 

He swallowed hard, an attempt to both unclog his throat of all the wrong words and to clear his head of the memory of her lips ghosting across the shell of his ear. This was going to be a more complicated week than if he had just stayed home.

[cephalotyrant]

How dare you insult my glorious gen z slang it's so sigma /j

Anyways azurido moving in together right... How do you think the chores are divided up since they both have busy jobs

Me personally I feel like Azul does cooking because he actually picked it up super quickly plus I imagine Riddle tries to do it but Azul was hovering over his shoulder the entire time like "um AchskuALY you cut the onion 0.00000001 mm too thick you've ruined the dish now I'm afraid" Riddle snaps and is like "okay you do it then" and Azul does in fact do it and then proceed to shit on his own cooking like "wow it seems despite my hard work, I've achievedmetf mediocrity. Apologies Riddle San" *proceeds to pull out Michelin star*

Riddle definitely does house cleaning though... Same dynamic but reversed where Riddle is constantly pointing out a rule Azul broke while cleaning + Azul has very poor stamina and cleaning is usually physically taxing meanwhile Riddle's a literal equestrian (my little pony my little pony aaaaaaaahhhhgbh /j) so he would definitely be better at that

Also they both try to do more chores than the other out of 1. Leftover competitiveness with each other and 2. They both fear they'll be indebted to the other for doing fewer chores

Anyways completely unrelated to this but something so funny about Cruz being like "Ughhh not this shit" every time literature is mentioned only to completely dominate score-wise and Rami just stares with those corvid eyes of his...

What you DON'T know is that Azul is purposely doing that to irriate Riddle so he can take over and cook for his lovely bf. He joined the culinary crucible to take a step into independence, after all... though, he doesn't feel too bad about letting Azul chop the onions. (they were both defeated by onions during the crucible LMAO) he would cook things that can be made and enjoyed on the quicker side (he's not very patient in the first place) while Azul’s take more effort and like. hours long preparation. Plus Azul probably dominates grocery shopping with his sense for discounts and quality 😁👍

Riddle would make a chore list that Azul would argue about the legitimacy of and whether it's balanced and now for some reason they have. a very big very full chores chart that has a lot of weird and useless looking details... sometimes when Azul is petty and he just wants an argument he'll pull it up again I fear. Riddle wears an entire outfit for cleaning that Azul likes not because it's cute but it's literally the pinnacle of convince like. It has so many pockets. It doesn't come loose. He aspires to design something so useful and sell it for biiiig buuucks. But also he can't do ANYTHING while Riddle is cleaning bc he'll "ruin his progress" so essentially he'll be stuck in his office while Riddle deep cleans the house... fun.

I do think sometimes Riddle will go the extra mile and Azul’s like "!!!" because now he OWES him UGH. (they are dating wtaf) And then the chore list is burnt and stepped on because they're fighting over the balance again and Azul is doing things he shouldn't and Riddle does in turn... and then it's just a new routine.

can't belive this guy. hates his one and only talent...

[kazooie]

I need to vent, I'm sure I've vented about this a lot here already but it's just the one thing that fucks me up still.

Tldr; venting about inability to own a house, unfair financial situations regarding family, and being the black sheep just for being mentally and chronically ill.

So, when we were selling my Nan's house, it was because she couldn't live at the nursing home if she still had assets or something, right? Except, she died the day after we sold it, and the buyer backed out. Now, my family has known for decades that I wanted to live there the rest of my life, it was going to be me and my family's home, but.. they sold it anyway? For what? The reason to sell it was no longer valid.

So we sold it, for not a lot but not too little either, howeverrr instead of the inheritance going to mum and her sisters, it also went to my two oldest cousins, which means when their mum dies they'll get her chunk of the inheritance too, even though out of everyone in our family me and my mum are the ONLY ones who don't own a house and live in a shitty community housing flat that's making us sicker, and that fucks me up!

Whenever I bring it up, looking for advice or sympathy, one of my aunts thinks I'm guilting her for owning a house, like, no, I'm not. But I'll tell you what I WILL guilt you for eventually, if I have to cut ties..

So, when I was a kid, said aunt got a loan of $250k from my grandparents, for a deposit for their house. A while later, my mum and dad got a loan of $10k, I forget what for, a business thing maybe? Idk. Anyway, so, my dad, he's an honest man,he will always pay back money he owes, and he did, every last can't. You can see where this is going I'm sure.

My aunt never paid her back. None of it. And my grandparents didn't even ask for it afaik, because she's the youngest sibling, and definitely the favourite. My aunt got $250k with no questions asked while my dad worked his ASS off to pay off his loan, and he still got treated like shit afterwards! I loved Pa, but he could be a real cunt sometimes.

My dad, my family in general, has always been treated as the black sheep(s), we're all disabled in some way, so we can't keep jobs and are on pensions. My grandpa especially was needlessly cruel to my parents and sometimes myself too, I never understood why, but I have a theory it's because mum had a psychotic episode in her 20s, and because her oldest sister is schizophrenic he might have seen that as a failure on his part? Idk the man was incredibly autistic but used his white male privilege to say whatever shit he wanted, he could say the meanest things and his defence would be "I'm just telling the truth."

If my cousins were left out of the will we'd have enough for a deposit, and they'd still get their quarter from their mum later.

I'm bitter, I'm depressed, my living situation is getting worse and worse because I just have no room for anything, and it all could have been avoided so easily, but everyone was so damn eager to get their inheritance right away that they left us behind, they didn't even let us go through nan and pa's things after they died, they took everything they wanted and threw out the rest without asking us.

Thing is, I still love my family, and it kills me because I don't think they love me, or respect me. I'll always be a little autistic kid who doesn't know how the world works in their eyes.

I don't know how to be okay.

[shiny9tails]

I've been really contemplative lately and while thinking about the life I've lived up to this point, I started thinking about the people that have helped shape me that I'll never see again. Don't worry, I'm not dying or anything like that, just in therapy. But because I knew I'd never see or talk to them again, I wanted to put down my thoughts somewhere. Maybe they'll see it one day or maybe they won't, but either way I want to write down my thoughts and send them out, like little messages in a bottle.

In my earliest memories, I played with a boy with a name close to mine. You were my neighbor and I would often come over to your house to play. We would ride our big wheels around and laugh. One time I snuck over while my egg donor was asleep, but we were too young to know any better. I had mostly forgotten about you when I grew up, and when I transitioned I took your name. It's no wonder it already felt like home. Sorry, but I'm keeping it lol. Thank you for being one of my first friends.

To my friend in Freshman year of High school: Gods, I thought you were the coolest person back then. I'm pretty sure you're the reason I started to break out of the box my parents put me in. You introduced me to the LGBTQ+ community in the most unhinged way, but hey I'd probably still be closeted to a point if you hadn't. It really felt like you and me against the rest of the world back then and I appreciate you being my friend. I'd probably still be listening to only country/soft rock/christian music like my parents if you hadn't introduce me to FOB and MCR. My tastes have expanded a lot since then and my spouse loves to tell me that I have great taste in music. Thank you for being one of the first people to convince me to stand up for myself.

To the girl that sat next to me in class Sophomore and Junior year in High school: I hope you wrote your book. I hope you wrote it and it sells a million copies because I always knew you were brilliant. I know you didn't have a lot of friends but I was so happy to be yours. Thank you for letting me borrow your manga and critiquing my own writings. I actually thought of you first when I first started writing these out. I wish I could hug you and babble on about some of the literature I've read throughout the years just like we used to.

To my friend that loved cars in Sophomore and Junior year in High school: I hope you're still alive. I hope you never went through with your plan of dying in a drag race. I know I said it was normal to hate yourself like that back then but it's not. I told you I also wanted to kill myself and you nodded in solidarity. We held each other and I felt at peace knowing there was someone hurting like me. I hope you felt that same peace. Sorry I never truly understood what you were talking about when you talked about cars, but I was just happy to listen. I hope you're happy wherever you are. You were already rather punk back then, but I've been slowly embracing it too. I miss you and I hope you're proud of me. Whether you're alive or not, I want you to know I'm proud to have been friends with you.

To my ex-friend in theatre class, Junior year in High school: Sorry about being so weird about my crush on you. Looking back, I was really immature about it and I pushed a boundary that you put up. It's completely understandable why you wouldn't want to hang out with me anymore. I always blamed myself for you switching out of class. I was a shitty person back then since I started hanging around your ex just to talk shit about you when really I still wanted your attention. Hearing that you two got back together was a bitter pill I had to swallow, but I think it knocked the sense back into me. I regret my actions back then, but I know I'm not owed an apology. I just hope you made it somewhere. I can't hear "Heart Shaped Box" or "Welcome to the Jungle" without thinking of you.

To my other friend in theatre class, Junior year: You were my first same-sex crush and I'm sorry I didn't have the guts to say anything until years later, when it was far too late. I always appreciated how you would encourage me to pursue my passions. I knew you were more wild than me and I think that was what attracted me to you. I was so happy when you introduced me to your friends after school, even when I knew my egg donor would hate them on site. I wasn't in a safe place back then, so I felt like I couldn't risk acting on my feelings, whether it was hanging out with your friends or confessing to you. I'm much safer now and sometimes I wish I had been able to go to a party with you like you talked about. Thank you for coming to my 16th birthday party, even if you had to endure my egg donors stink eye the whole time. She interrogated me about your sexuality during and I feigned ignorance. She would lose her shit if she knew I was transitioning now lol. Thank you for being my friend despite how opposite we were at times.

To my mentor at BWW's: Thank you for listening to me ramble all the time. I know I was young and naive about how hostile the workplace could be, but you made it better. You would let me ramble about SCP's all throughout prep work and even joke about some of them. I enjoyed listening to you talk about your daughter and I used to wish my parents talked about me like that. I hope you were able to get custody of her from your ex. Thank you for being patient with me even when I would forget something you just told me.

I think I got all of it out for now. I might do this again if I get contemplative again. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders typing all this out. I think I'm gonna take some time to myself though and relax. I'll be seeing you all in therapy lol.

[fantasyinvader]

I just finished Unicorn Overlord. All 176 quests complete, funny how the post-game mission is far, FAR easier than the final map (where you actually have to pay attention to unit layouts and prioritizing their skills. It's like the game offering a final test on everything it was about, like a good final boss should, but considering stuff like Galerius no-selling the first 6 times he's hit in combat or how the map has a part II where the item restriction carries over. It felt like bullshit until I could put together a party that actually worked, which involved grinding.

But, as a whole, it felt like a RTS version of Fire Emblem and not just any Fire Emblem, it was Fire Emblem as I remember playing it on the GBA. Part of that is the more flowery language because the localization, but it did fit the setting so I don't think it was to the game's detriment.

That said, the ending did remind me of Houses. Spoilers ahead.

A lot of games want the player to project onto it's protagonist, making their journey the player's. And as such, people put a lot of emphasis on player choice. We've even seen this in Houses, with people arguing in favor of Flower by virtue of the player needing to unlock it and choosing to side with Edelgard. If left to their own devices, Byleth won't have any of Edelgard's shit and side with Rhea, which people try to spin as being a bad thing.

Unicorn gives the player many options to recruit former enemies, though some join a few hours later, or have them punished for their actions. It gives the player this choice, but the former option is the one the game's themes champion. At the end of the day, after knocking Galerius off his high horse, the player is once again offered such a choice (though the default option is on kill this time).If they keep with the game's themes of forgiveness, it's revealed that Galerius was possessing Alain's long-thought-dead mother and the player can fight the true final boss. If the player rejects those themes, Galerius tries to possess Alain but is defeated. However, this ending let's the true big bad get away and the souls of the enemy empire do not get salvation.

In addition, the player can unlock the final battle really early in the game, they'll do so before finishing the first country. If the player doesn't rescue Scarlett, she'll be possessed by a character we otherwise would never see or be aware of. But to have the tools available for the good ending, the player MUST go around, freeing the other countries and restoring power to the Ring of the Unicorn. Each country the player liberates makes the final fight a little easier, especially considering the player would only be around level 14 if they were to go this route. If the player does manage to defeat Galerius without the power of the Ring of the Unicorn, then Alain ends up being possessed and the Empire rules the continent forever.

The ending talks about how Alain's journey will be celebrated and embellished, that of the Unicorn Overlord, but it just smacked there. The game took it's themes of forgiveness and how that can lead to redemption seriously, as well as emphasized completing the entire journey. Failing to do so only leads to worse endings.

And then, we compare this to the Black Eagles route. The player is given options that are framed as "changing the story." The devs talked about how the theme of Flower is believing something different from the other routes, something the worldbuilding the player was supposed to immerse themselves in doesn't support, and how it ultimately leads to military rule. It's meant to be the bad ending, but since the game only reveals that through text rather than directly showing it during gameplay, Treehouse was able to downplay it's true nature. They erased themes to make it come across as a more heroic route, making the game more morally grey rather than the more straightforward morality it was intended to have.

You could not do that with Unicorn Overlord. Unicorn Overlord baked those themes into player choices in such a way the player can't ignore them like the player could in Houses. Doing so prevents the player from fighting the final boss, and while players don't fight the Agarthans in Flower they are still taken down in the character endings so it doesn't land the same way. Unicorn Overlord, as basic as the story is, is still well-written in a way Houses never was.

[lightvsdark18]

Vacation in The Human World 3.1

Followed LovesOfLauryn and Lavi Alraune's playthrough

"I've been good, and you?"

"The brothers would be happy to hear that, though they've probably kick my ass if they found out about my lack of sleep. You're killing me, Solomon."

Solomon ask them to meet an acquaintance of his (instead of doing a babysitting job.)

Freezes, slowly closes the door, then process who they just saw.

(Satan's shirt looks like a bowling shirt)

"What the fuck?" (Doesn't use the pacts on them.) "What are you guys doing here?"

"Where is Mammon anyway?"

You couldn't behave for me, you had to do something bad immediately when you got here.

"Excuse you, the human? I see how it is." Crosses arms.

Stands up on something and cuts the rope with their pocket knife. Then hugs him.

"This looks exactly like your actual bathroom in the House of Lamentation."

"Are the two doing well?"

Pats his head, then hugs him after teasing him.

Milady is going to use the theater often.

"Last weekend? Were you seven in the human for a whole week and just now invited me over? Hmph, I see how it is." Turns their back to him and pouts.

Smugly smiles. "Meow for me."

"Adventure."

"What happened in the kitchen?"

Milady will definitely use the pool.

"How's Henry? Is he here with you?"

"Yeah."

Pokes his cheek. "Nerd."

"I guess so."

"If they don't want me to listen, then they shouldn't be so loud." >:3

"Smells musky in here... and like someone dumped perfume on the carpet."

Gently smacks his cheek.

"Where did you and Beel go today?"

Chuckles. "No, Belphie, the truck sells normal ice cream. The music you heard is the trunk's theme song and let's people know it's in the area."

"Why am I in your arms?"

"Uhh." Because of their busy schedule with working and studying, they have been forgetting to eat or snacks instead of having a meal.

Waits patiently and looks around the twins' bedroom.

Kinda figured the brothers were planning a party for them.

"I don't trust the cooking. I'm joking, I'm just deciding on what to grab."

"My mom actually made it when I was still living with her. I made it a few times as well. Not bad, Lucifer."

Looks at him suspiciously. "I'm good, and also wouldn't your brothers notice we're gone?"

"They won't if we sneak away right now. They're too distracted by Beel wolfing down that entire ultra-spicy fire cake."

Looks at Beel. "Holy shit, no I want to watch this."

The plan was spending their winter break with Milady, but finding a place to stay was difficult and had to wait until their summer break. A year long wait to see them again and only staying for three months.

(Boy!)

Slides over sunglasses to Satan.

"Like what?"

"? Who said I'm doing chores?"

"You're staying here too, Kate. Therefore, you have to take care of the house as well."

"But I don't have to stay here. If you guys want me to live with you until you go home, then I'm not taking care of your house."

They'll do their own laundry and cook if they're not busy that day.

When things started getting summoned, they ran out of the house.

(I can wake up the second before someone opens the door and enters my room.) Milady just lies there before rolling over to look at them, then question why are they doing in their room. They continue to lie there as the brothers enter the room, annoyance on their face. (Lucifer is the only person who knocked before entering! Also, don't watch me sleep, that's creepy.)

Lightly smacks Mammon's cheek.

"What kind of issues?" Holds his hand.

Raises a brow at the butcher, but doesn't say anything because the advice is a good one for any relationship.

"I would think so."

"Yeah, I'm getting hungry."

They're not going to complain about free pizza.

"No, unless you're a regular customer here, you can't say "the usual" because you don't have a usual."

"But that's what everyone always says in The Twilight of a Great Family."

"Because that's a TV show, the character is probably a regular so the waiters know what they want when they say "the usual." You have to pick something from the menu."

After ordering a third time, tells them to stop and explains, "you'll make them suspicious of you, and they'll probably throw you out."

"It's a slow process."

"I have a feeling Lucifer is going to kill you for abandoning him to Solomon."

"I'll go to the bookstore with you, Mr. Meow Meow." Satan gets flustered at the nickname as his brothers tease him.

"Eh, it's fine. If we can see the checkout sign, then we can find the exit."

Pinches his cheek.

Milady bought two books.

Glares at Solomon. "Sorry, I'm not hungry." Lucifer walks in and "invites" them for some tea and sandwiches. "Um, sorry, I got work to do." But drags them in as well.

(I'm the type of person who will gag if I don't like something.) Milady would slip the tea and find it terrible as well, then Mammon starts trying to make them eat the awful food before they pass out from nausea. Solomon feels bad.

"What do you mean? Why am I in the Demon Lord's Castle?"

"It'll be better than the one I had earlier."

"When you do visit, just let me know so I can work as a guide in a way."

"Hmm, maybe?"

"I know how that feels, but stay determined. If you can get through your work, then you can visit me and the human world. I can even show you my business."

"You have a business?"

"Yeah, a small one. I can show you what I make and how I run it."

"Lord Diavolo, you don't have to you send me away right now, you can make Lucifer wait. He dragged me into an awful afternoon tea with Solomon, so he can wait patiently as I have a proper one."

Makes a confused face at Satan.

"Hopefully he can get a good chuck of his work done so he can visit the human world."

"I have to check my planner first. I'm a busy woman."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

They're using Asmo's bathroom, not going to share a bathroom with six men. However, did make a few rules if they're both using it.

"Did they go out already?"

Damn Solomon, he's slowly killing everyone.

"Seems like it. Want to go out for breakfast?"

"I know another cafe we can go for breakfast. Let's quickly eat before getting the medicine. Hopefully it helps your brothers."

"Can I see it?" Sounding like they're interested in it. Then slip it into their purse.

"Hey! How are we going to buy medicine now!?"

"I can pay for it, don't worry about it."

He accidental says the newlywed part. They let it slide this once.

The butcher is confused. "Him and his brothers are my friends and they're visiting me for their summer break. I'm staying at their place until they go home and the man I was with yesterday is one of his brothers."

He is trying to see them as just a friend, but the hope they would fall for him is still there. He quickly switched the conversation to the human world.

"Really?" They just frown at his explanation.

Baby! Hugs their son. (Mammon, stop, let me hold my son.)

"What brings you two to the human world?"

"And the cafe?"

(But you already made me fall for you, Simeon)

(Luke is the secret weapon of mass destruction)

The two got coffee/tea and dessert.

"You could tell people the rumor is a lie or just wait it out, I don't think it would blow your cover. But if you're that worried, then I'll try to help."

Crosses arms and stares at him with that look. "I can't order you around? Are you sure about that?"

"Good job, Mammon."

"I don't see a problem with that plan."

"I know what you and Patricia were doing last night..."

"I can't continue this relationship with you after you betrayed me like that..."

You don't want to see me with other men? Got it, I'll just date women and non-binary people.

The brothers have been able to see them as a friend/sister with some slip ups, expect for Mammon. He was the first one to fall for them and had a crush on them for three years, so he's having a difficult time not seeing them as a possible partner.

Damn Simeon, calm down.

(Satan, stop being a brat)

"Want to try breaking up again?"

"Oh, trust me, I haven't show you my demonic side."

"Feeling better? If so, help us out."

"Satan, I'm going to smack you."

"Simeon, calm down. I can pretend a breakup with Satan or Beel if you're going to be like this."

Flicks his forehead.

"Beel." Slides their sandwich back towards them.

"Diamond, what is Michael like?"

"Uh oh, there's a water leak. What's the room above us?"

It's tea, not a coffee drinker. "It's really good."

"What's your thoughts on the human world?"

"Maybe he's dealing with something and that's why, but I don't think it's anything you need to worry about. It's probably dealing with the relations between humans and angels."

"We should turn it off."

"You can go when you feel better. Though, there's a chance you will be put to work."

Milady just falls over and gets caught by Asmo.

"Wh-What? Where am I?"

"Where? Where else, silly? You're in the Celestial Realm, of course. What's your name?"

"Uh, Kate."

"Uh, I don't really have a opinion on parties."

They're wearing a white dress. (That's just what I see)

"Are you sure I can have them?"

Surprise. "Who said I was a human?"

Really?

"Playing chess with the army isn't "innocent fun."

Looking around in wonder and staying silent unless the brothers ask them a question like if they know any angels which they answer, "I don't know anyone."

Doesn't open the door.

Gets sad at Angel Levi insulting himself, but stays quiet the whole time... Glares at Mammon.

Uh oh.

"I-I'm Kate, I got lost and they, um."

"I'm worried about him."

"Beel, kick down the door."

"I don't like using it, but STAAAY!"

(They didn't really do anything that will have an effect on them, so would Milady still have an eye kept on them?)

"Yeah, I think I had a weird dream, but I can't remember."

(The curse bit you on the ass, didn't it, Lucy?)

"Hm? We have a meeting with Solomon?"

"Sorcerers' Society?"

"What did you do?"

Slaps their left hand down.

"Why are you binding him?"

"He's so cute."

"I mean, I could keep him at my place."

"No, you have to face his brothers."

"Damn it."

"Hey, be nice to Luke." Pokey pokey.

"He loves his family very much, and would give his life to protect them. What else is there?"

The three left in the morning and return when it's nighttime. Screwing them over last minute, Solomon.

"I mean, I kinda have to."

"Well, yeah, but he's a hard ass so they have to bully him at every chance given."

Lucifer is sitting on their hand, then has their hand wrap around his chest and holds him close as the both get suck into the portal.

"Are you okay? I'm not squeezing you too hard, right?"

"I'm okay, Kate. You can sit me on your hand again."

"A location in Levi's game?"

"No, not really."

"Beat you up?"

Ask someone for advice.

(Lucy, as your master, put on the fairy outfit.)

Haggle with No. 2.

"If we do this, you'll give us the armor for free or you will never see your money again."

Cuts the pieces smaller. "No."

"I believe no. Honestly, I see him as an angsty teenager when Lucifer is involved."

"Are you worried?"

Leans against Beel.

"Beel, you know my opinion on fish, right?"

"Umm, right... But maybe the fishes is delicious and you wouldn't mind it, maybe even like it."

Sits by themself... with Lucy.

Flee. "Beel, attack!"

Squints at the outfit. "Cough up the money you stole, or Beel will kick your ass."

Holds Lucifer by the chest again to keep him from flying towards Mammon.

"It looks good."

(Solomon, you a hoe)

"Do you have to punish him?" "But yet, he still causes trouble."

"What are you doing, Beel?"

"..."

Their arm is getting tired from holding Lucy the whole time.

Stands a good distance away. "You open it, Solomon."

Hands Lucifer over to Beel and puts on cat ears. "Nyan!" with paw hands.

"... Someone get us a real cat, and fast!"

"Or I can act like a cat and rub myself on him ;)"

"Can you just pick him up and throw him off of the pathway?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"What are you doing?"

"... You have Simeon and Luke, and those in the Devildom."

"Depends on you."

(It's like the girl in Finding Nemo.)

"Satan! Stop being a dick."

"I want to be done with this."

They are fighting him instead of pointing out his bonds with his brothers.

They passed by kicking Satan's ass.

Lucy, what the fuck?

"Lucifer, get therapy."

"Yeah."

"You're putting too much pressure on me, Lucifer."

"Lord Diavolo, you could turn Lucifer small again and keep him for a day."

"! Kate! What are you-!"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea, Katelynn. I'll consider it."

"Damn, rejected him before he even showed up."

"I can't really decide that, Levi."

(They're both right)

They think about it. "Lucifer, stay!"

"His phone isn't working?"

Smacks Asmo on the back of his head.

"That's a piece of technology."

He has an Alexa.

Levi, get therapy.

"Levi, that's a speaker you use to-"

"Guys, that's a speaker you-"

"Guys."

Sighs. "Stay!"

Pinches the bridge of their nose. How the hell?

"Why didn't you call us?"

"Wait, why the hell is something like this here in the human world?"

"Three-Legged Crow group?"

"Levi..." They're so disappointed they're lost for words.

"Relax, Avatar of Envy."

"Uh, no."

Punishment room? Monokuma?

Chuckles.

Man, Beel, you better share.

"Technically, we could ask. Don't glare at me, he's the one who didn't warn us."

Slowly steals some food and starts eating.

"You're not exactly quiet."

"Not in the mood to sing?"

"Um, I don't know."

And it sucks.

Aw shit.

Levi, you're not helping.

"Um, maybe."

(That's so rude! Lucifer had some metal music going on and you just steal him before he could sing. Come on!)

What do you mean "erase button"?

Putting everyone first before himself? I don't know, Diavolo is pretty selfish at times.

(I do like the prep talk he gives Levi.) "Can you be a bit positive?"

That's some bullshit.

"But where are our friends?"

"You can do it, Levi!" (They're not a good singer, or calm enough to sing)

"And thanks to Levi."

Damn.

"What're you doing?"

Pats his head.

"I don't know, maybe it's because you're the embodiment of envy." (The dialogue would be of a brother not wanting to lose his sister, no "be mine" stuff.)

"Just for now."

"I'll be there in a moment." Pouts at Levi teasingly. "I'll be right back."

"Okay, thanks."

(Of course Lucifer still has feelings for them, and doesn't want Diavolo to come in and take them away, but he has to respect their choice if they choose Diavolo.)

"What did you want to talk about?"

"A little bit."

No surprise there. "I know you didn't do it out of malice."

"Annoyed if anything. I don't appreciate being placed in a situation like that."

"I don't think it's immature. You're stuck working in the Devildom while people you know have fun in the human world. I feel a bit lonely when I return home after spending time in the Devildom since I'm used to the brothers' shenanigans."

"I guess I can." Teasingly says.

"Are you alright, Barbatos?"

(It's like when you bring a girl over and your mom still entering your room to make sure you two aren't doing anything, that's Lucifer.)

Squints. "Were you spying on us?"

Heads inside to witness chaos.

"What are they doing?"

Oof.

"Uh, go ahead."

"It does look like it fits your aesthetic."

"I didn't know fairy rings have flowers that you can make tea of. It really is good."

"There's photos of mushrooms in a ring online, so I don't think they're extinct."

"I'm also curious about the treats."

Luke suggests finding fairy ring flowers. I guess I could use it as a break.

Helps Luke. "You really adore him."

Ouch.

Levi?

"Crowe, where would fairies be located?"

"Lucifer is responsible and would get the work done, Satan is the same. Hmm, I think that's it unless we have Asmo flirting with everyone or Beel eating everything or Belphie sleeping instead of working."

"What about Leviathan?" -Luke

"What about him?"

"Come on, he's not going to be dick like that."

"Then it's decided, we'll ask Satan."

"Satan, work at Angel's Halo for a day. That's an order." They're not using the pact or lying to him.

"Me, I'm paying for the trip even if it burns a hole in my wallet."

"What? Kate, you don't have to do that. My big brother would happy to do that for us." -Mammon

"Wrong answer." -Lucifer

"Mammon, I'm fine with paying for the trip. I may have to use some of my emergency money, but I can afford it."

"No, not really."

(Mammon literally ran in and hugged his brother while the man is showering. Imagining him high pitch screaming is hilarious)

Already eaten and dressed before marching up to his room and slapping him awake. Hands him a protein bar and drag him out of the house to the train station before it takes off.

"No arguing, train time."

"No arguing, let's find our room."

Milady bought one room for all three of them since it's only one night. Mammon is sleeping up top while Luke and Milady share the main one. The boys aren't happy being stuck in a room together.

"We're about to see fairies, or at least the special flowers. Who wouldn't be excited?"

Making a face at Mammon.

"Mammon, it's his dessert and it's his choice if he wants to share with you or not. Stop asking."

Grabs Luke's dessert and gets up. "Come on, Luke, let's eat the dessert in our room." Glares back at Mammon before walking away with Luke.

"I don't think they hate angels, they're just hurt because of what happened. Even though it has been centuries since the Great Celestial War, it's still a wound on their hearts. It's complicated, simple as that."

Wraps an arm around his shoulders and leans him against them.

Turns away from Mammon without a word. He chases after them and keeps babbling on that they had to speak, "why do you have such a stick up your ass?" "You were very rude to Luke for no reason."

"There's a difference between teasing someone and being flat out rude." There's a hint of green in their blue eyes.

"By pissing him off? Luke has done some grown, and even if he thinks the angels are always right, why does that matter to you? He grew up with the belief that angels are the righteous, staying at Devildom isn't going change that unless that way of thinking is actually questioned. But attacking him and/or forcing him to see things your ways will only prove his beliefs as true."

Elbows Mammon, hard.

Wraps an arm around Luke. "What would you like do right now?"

(Did Mc climb onto the roof or did Mammon carry them as well?) Shrugs. "I got nothing."

(Lucy embarrassing his son)

"It's just stories, nothing to worry about."

"Okay." "Thank you, Luke."

Stares shocked and confused at the House of Lamentation in the human world.

"I don't know. But regardless, we need to take shelter."

"Mammon?"

[3.2]

[obey-me-headquarters]

My Mc is a little menace and their baby crimes deserves to be reported about.

Baby crimes under cut.

Definitely leaves notes around the house. Some times they're quick and quirky. Other times they hide all the forks and when you open the drawer, a note reading "look in the gutters >:3" in the fork place. Of course the forks aren't in the gutters, no that's just another note.

During their first week in the house of Lamentation they silently and stealthily moved all the furniture 5cm to the left, and no one suspected it was them because really, who would believe a scared human new to the Devildom would play a prank on demons?

The anti Lucifer league keeps trying to recruit them, but they wouldn't join unless they get to wear cool jackets.

They go to a devildom arcade and Mammon's luck is in ther side as they win a ridiculously amount of tickets. The only thing they get is those sticky hands. They then proceed to fling them everywhere. In the house, at RAD, during the walk to RAD, every fast food place they go too. The Devildom is quickly invaded by sticky hands and Lucifer if suffering because they keep staining his paperwork.

They successful clicker train the boys.

They start illegally selling Heeyles at RAD and is absolutely terrified of getting caught. Lucifer just believes that humans are very, very clumsy when they keep eating shit. They convice Mammon that they gained slight levitation after their death and just don't know how to bring it up.

They watch Solomon spend a afternoon painfully teaching Simeon how to use a computer only to swipe in and undo all that be explaining all screens are touch screens, see watch how your phone responds to touch! If a screen isn't responding, you're not pressing hard enough!

They cheekily tell Barbatos that they think the house of Lamentation might have a mouse problem. When he goes in expecting the worst he finds they hidden computer mouses around the house.

They have a whip board in the kitchen labeled "days since last magical/curse/Mammon related Incident" promising that they'll be a a reward if they make it too a month. They never last two weeks.

They still use the "intimacy up!" And "intimacy down!" Phrases from the game world and refuse to explain when asked what they mean. The brothers are terrified, especially when they use the phrases in weird situations that are not at all romantic.

They try to unionize the little Ds.

They desperately believe in aliens but doesn't want their dreams to be crushed. So every time they see Barbatos they just kinda look at him like 👁👁 believing that he would know the answer.

Tries to start a flat Devildom conspiracy but forgets about it in like a week.

Why Luke asks why their hair is fading (they dye their hair) they look at him straight in the eyes and tell him that it means they're dying. Humans die without natural sunlight and access to other humans. You know how humans hair goes grey when they get older? It's like that, only the aging process can get speed up if humans aren't left in their natural habit. You see Solomon? You know how he's immortal and has white hair? His hair is like that because he left his natural habit but the immortality juice wouldn't let him die. Luke starts freaking out, and so does Mammon from were he was eavesdropping. They claim that it was a joke, they're like 20! The rest of the demons, who were eavesdropping and very concerned, let's out a sigh of relief.

That's all I have for now but I promise there WILL be more. The house of Lamentation definitely has a box labeled "Baby jail" for them whenever they act up. And they give the absolute SADDEST puppy dog eyes whenever they're placed in there.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

On your 'Stark isn't a role model most most people like' comment; that's the unfortunate thing, a bunch of people DO see him as a great character and role model. I can't tell you how many arguments I've gotten into irl who thought Stark was a good person. Despite, you know, the fact that he is a literal war profiteer, hypocrite, and bigot. (Don't even get me started on him grooming Pepper) I'm pretty sure it's an Elon Musk type thing where people just assume 'rich = good and right' and its yikes in every way

Absolutely, there's a weird love for billionaires that I never quite understood. I don't know if it's because some people think by kissing their ass they'll turn into one or if dealing with them makes them think they're part of the elite group and better than us poor and stupid sheep struggling to make ends meet.

I can understand people liking him but most of the stuff he did in the movies is unjustifiable. He was a war-profiteer and didn't stop selling weapons until it affected him and a bunch of American soldiers (he didn't give a damn if non-white people died. And the folks who claim he didn't know? He didn't want to know, there's a difference).

Then he spent years building weapons of mass destruction, refusing to answer to the American government and of course he was allowed to do that because of who he was. Which hey, I'm more than happy that he didn't hand the suits to those fuckers but let's not forget his privileges are the only reason he got away with it because what happens when others want to do the same and keep acting without the government's interference? Oh right, the Raft.

He's never been held accountable for anything, he's never had to face any consequences for his actions, the only shit he's had to navigate through is problems of his own making and Thanos.

What price did he have to pay for building Ultron and destroying a good chunk of land in Sokovia? A little bit of guilt after a mother told him about an American kid dying there? What of the Sokovians who died during the attack? And what does that guilt translate into? The Accords. Something that doesn't affect him at all since he's not enhanced. So the rest of the team suffers from it but he doesn't.

What price did he have to pay for kidnapping a 14 year old, taking him out of the country without telling his legal guardian and getting him involved in a fight with powerful individuals who didn't know who the kid was? None. Or worse, he's told he's a "father figure". Oh and before he was going to introduce him to the world as the new avenger, did he speak with May? Did May know? She's his legal guardian but he didn't tell her, he doesn't own that kid but who cares, right?

What price did he have to pay for trying to murder Bucky in cold blood? None, he went back to the compound and was free as a bird while Steve, Sam, Wanda and Natasha were forced to go hiding, Scott and Clint had to agree to a deal with the government while informing them of their families and Bucky went on cryo again.

Does he ever learn from any of this? He doesn't. He keeps making promises of change and growth but whenever shit hits the fan he always acts the same way. He destroys the suits and promises to stop but he keeps building them anyway. He sees he has stepped over people's boundaries and he says sorry only to do the same over and over again. He claims to understand civil rights and feels guilty over his actions but when the time comes he's more than happy to violate them. He speaks of freedom and peace but builds devices to control the citizens, even has one of them in house arrest because in his eyes she's a "weapon of mass destruction" not a human being.

He was so full of it and the worst part is Marvel kissed his ass so bad that every time he started with his idiotic speeches not a single character was ever allowed to correct him, so it doesn't surprise me that some people think he's a role model. Or perhaps they think he's a role model of what not to be in which case... I'd agree with them.

[candiedsour]

How Genshin Impact characters would react to someone flirting with you || (Liyue)

Hello everyone! I apologize for the wait but I finally finished the Liyue version ٩( ᐛ )و I was originally supposed to divide it into 2 parts but then I decided against it ( ͡°³ ͡°). Part 3 will probably be uploaded in 3 days. But in the meantime, enjouy reading! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

-E <3

Zhongli ❌💸

How he'd react to someone flirting with you really just depends on his mood

He doesn't really interfere because he knows you can handle it yourself

You two have had the person flirting with you pay or discount something you both bought on more than one occasion and he's not even ashamed of it

"Ah, my lady. Your beauty is simply etheral."

The shop owner said as you examined the jade.

You looked up from the Noctilucous Jade and met Zhongli's eyes. Completely ignoring the owner.

Zhongli's put the Jade onto the table and reached into his pouch for Mora.

Though, once he opened it; he grimaced. Once you saw his expression you realized that neither of you had enough Mora to pay for the Jade.

You cringed as you saw the amount of Mora in the pouch and looked back at the shop owner to apologize.

That was, before an idea clicked into your mind.

You then berought forth the most charming and flirtatious face you could muster and smiled at the shop owner.

"My deepest apologies Sir, but I don't think we'll be able to buy from you today. " You sighed.

The owner widened his eyes at your statement and quickly replied with

"Oh no, it's fine your can just pay any amount you have now and come back to pay for the rest! "

"Thank you so much Sir, I am forever in your debt for this. " You said as you grabbed his hands.

The owner was completely smothered by now, he had completely forgotten Zhongli's presence and was looking at you with completely entranced eyes.

If it wasn't for Zhongli's years of experience in concealing his expressions, he would probably be laughing out loud by now.

"That was quite the show my dear, I doubt that he would have noticed anything even if we had robbed his whole stall. "

Beidou 🏴‍☠️♀️

Just like with Kaeya, no one would really flirt with you since they know about your relationship with the captain of The Crux unless they're clueless

And Beidou being Beidou, would not take shit from anyone. Clueless or not

If the other person is being persistent, she doesn't really mind throwing hands

"It's a shame that you have a lover, otherwise i'd have made you mine by now. " The creep said as he grabbed both of your hands.

You leaned backwards, trying to get away from the man. You desperately scanned the area for anyone who would help you.

You then met Beido's eyes with a look that clearly read "please help me".

Once she saw you, Beido walked over and tapped the man on the shoulder.

"She's mine, now let her go." She said as she glared at the man who was holding onto your hands.

"And if I don't?"

The person didn't even register anything before Beido's fist collided with his jaw.

"I ain't scared of fines, I'll fight whoever disrespects my partner"

Xiao 🔪👺

Doesn't really care if the other person is flirting with you or not

If it gets to the point of harassment he will give them a whack with his polearm

He looks like he doesn't care about you but that's just because he knows who you're going back home with

"Would you like to accompany me on my travels, my fair lady? " The traveler said as he loaded his belongings onto his cart.

"I'd have to decline the offer. I already have a lover I am devoted to. " You said with a smile as you passed him the packed food you had bought from the inn.

Xiao watched you two from the distance, he sat on the balcony if the Inn as he waited for you to bid him farewell on his missions as well.

"Were you watching me? " You said you peek at him from behind.

"I was simply making sure he was not a dangerous individual. " Xiao replied, stotic as usual.

"Are you here to bid me goodbye?" He asked as he gazed at you.

"Goodbye? Oh no, I'm going with you! "

"Even though you are hundreds of years old does not mean you are invincible. Therefore, you should refrain from fighting recklessly. "

Xingqiu ⚔📚

He usually just tells the person bothering you to back off, politely. Of course

Though, he doesn't really mind if the other person is rude or persistent; it's just an excuse for him to have a little 'fun' behind the scenes

If they're rude, they'll most likely find themselves having a number of minor inconveniences

"Sir, please let go of my partner." Xingqiu confronted the creep.

You quickly ran to his side. Not wanting to be near the man for a millisecond longer.

"And what's the pretty boy going to do to me?" He jabbed at the blue haired boy.

Although he was slightly irritated. Xingqiu paid no mind to him and walked you back to your house.

"Y/n do you recall the creep from yesterday afternoon? Yes, I received a notice that he is trying to buy brass for his stall. I convinced every merchant selling fish in Liyue to not sell him any, I also bought some brass. Would you like some? "

Chongyun ❄🍦

He doesn't really like confronting people so he'd just make up an excuse to take you away from them

If the other person decides to be start an argument, he'd try to keep his cool. Not wanting to go into the manic state he usually gets into once his body overheats

Sadly, on more than one occasion; he has lost his cool and completely and ends up causing chaos to anyone who's unfortunate enough to be nearby

It's been at least a solid 15 minutes since the guy sitting next to you have been pestering you about going with him to the Lantern Rite festival.

And for what felt like the 30th time, you declined.

You really wanted this person gone before you meet up with Chongyun but he kept following you so you just plopped down somewhere on the stone ground.

Unfortunately for you, the other person did not take the cue for him to leave but instead; had taken it as an invitation to sit down and talk with you instead.

At some point, you considered kicking him in the face but refrainwd from doing so. But now, you're regretting that decision.

"Y/n! Me and Xingqiu were looking all over for you. " Chongyun said as he ran over to you two.

The guy looked surprised as the two boys walked over you where you were sitting.

"Who are these people? " He said. As if they were the ones invading into someone's personal space.

Chongyun instantly realised the situation and whispered something to Xingqiu. He then gave you the hand signal for "Run for it" And pointed to behind him.

Almost in a flash, all of you three started sprinting away, leaving behind a very confused person.

"Thank Rex Lapis we didn't actually get into a fight this time"

Hu Tao 👻🔥

Whenever she sees someone flirting with you, she'd ask them about their health

She'd then weird them out by introducing her as the 77th director of Wangsheng funeral parlour

The person flirting with you would probably be very uncomfortable at this point and leave, but if they don't Hu Tao would hand then one of her buy 1 get 1 funeral coupons

"I simply cannot resist your beauty. " The man said as he leaned in closer to your face.

"Hello there good Sir! How is your health? " Hu Tao asked as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere and before you.

The man seemed confused at her question.

"Pardon? " He asked.

"Ah, I have forgotten that I have yet to introduce myself. Please call me Hu Tao. 77th director of the Wangsheng funeral parlour! " She introduced herself and took out her hand for him to shake.

He seemed a bit uncomfortable at the mention of funerals but nevertheless he ignored Hu Tao and went back to your conversation.

"What do you say to dinner at Wanmin Restaurant? " He pressed on, flat out ignoring Hu Tao's whole existence all together.

"Here's a coupon, it's buy one funeral, get one free. I hope I'll see you soon! " She said as she dragged you away. Leaving behind a very disturbed man.

"I should've said 'I hope to see you again businesses-wise. ' "

[azalea-writes]

Hey luv :D

So I think I've been waiting patiently for the other writers enough- (I understand it takes time and I don't want to be an asshole but I requests this 3 times for two different fandoms and still nothing- I can't hold back anymore pls forgive me)

So! If you could be so kind to write a howl pendragon reader? Preferably male cos there's not enough m!readers and if there is it's just nsfw :( but gn is cool to!

Anywho! So like the reader is a charming and powerful sorcerer like howl and they also most likely have been to many other worlds so I'm saying is they've been to the devildom and own a place there most likely a position shop! They don't necessarily need to use a portal to through worlds cos they have that little handle/switch thing near the shop's door/house door so they'd just turn it and then- boom! They open the door to the world they need to be in! Calcifer usually stays in the castle but let's just say when they're summoned he's on they're shoulder and probably shit talks everyone- even barbatos. They'll also kinda dress like howl does in the movie! Yk, half-buttoned up shirt, black pants, a coat hanging on they're shoulders, the matching earrings and necklaces! But a few minor changes like instead of the coat being pink and the exact same design it's the reader's favourite colours and design. They probably teasingly called Lucifer sweetheart when they said they won't join the exchange program so they had to be convinced with something like forbidden spell books that Solomon or satan wouldn't be able to get a hold of! I also headcanon they are more powerful then Solomon and the only reason they're name isn't all over the place like his is, is cos 1) they don't need pacts to have power nor do they want it 2) they don't use it a lot, only to do house chores, sell positions and have a bit of fun and 3) they travel a lot so even while they're in the exchange program they travel to multiple worlds to get some things done and to just have some of they're own time for themselves (and calcifer)

And sorry this is long but can you do the reaction of all the ob boys? Like the brothers, the royals and other exchange students? I hope this isn't too much ^^"

Love your writing btw!!

A/N: HELLO! That's perfectly fine! The writers are probably backed up by requests or they're busy. I have 15 or 16 requests at the moment. :')

I decided to write this for you right now but only the brothers! If you want the other characters, please request again but you'll have to wait a bit.

I haven't watched the movie, bear with me

Warning: Not proofread so grammar mistakes

The brothers reacting to a Howl Pendragon M!MC

(Minus Beel because I can't think of anything for him)

I hope I got that right

Alt: Enjoy!

***

Lucifer

Lucifer is starting to feel a headache going on...

MC is stubborn and for what? Doesn't help that he called Lucifer "sweetheart" which made him a bit flustered. Just a bit.

Lucifer just gave in and offered to give MC a rare forbidden spell book.

Sure, MC may have gotten a forbidden spell book but he's still going to cause chaos.

When Lucifer saw Calcifer, he didn't pay much mind to it until Calc starts trash talking everybody...

Lucifer gives a long lecture about how Calcifer should NOT trash talk in front of Diavolo.

Also, Lucifer has to be more careful since MC has teamed up with the Anti-Lucifer League...

Mammon

So like... MC does magic? *mischievous smile*

Mammon immediately made MC his partner in crime!

Surely MC will save their butts when witches are chasing Mammon.

Basically, Mammon thinks that he's unstoppable if he has MC by his side.

I MEAN, MC did call Lucifer "sweetheart" and that's a bold thing to do.

When Mammon learned that MC overpowers Solomon, he wouldn't stop talking about it. (More like bragging)

"Ha! Solomon, ya better step ya game up! MC is taking your place!"

Don't mess with Mammon and his boyfriend.

I mean-

Leviathan

First thing in mind is "STRAIGHT OUT OF AN ANIME!"

At first, Levi was a bit scared to talk to MC because MC was FEARLESS.

So MC was the first to talk to Levi and they basically hit it off.

Levi thought that MC is amazing and MC thought that Levi has a very cool collection of merchandise.

If MC flirts with Levi, he'll faint everytime. HE'S NOT USED TO IT-

Levi always thinks how MC is still alive though. Calcifer will be trash talking everybody on MC's shoulder and MC is getting death glares from almost everybody.

Overall, Levi admires MC but also secretly worries over him.

Satan

JEALOUSY

Satan will keep complaining to Lucifer.

How come MC gets a forbidden spellbook and he doesn't?!

So he does the next best thing: Convince MC to join the Anti-Lucifer group.

RIP Lucifer, it was nice knowing you...

While Satan likes to play pranks on Lucifer with MC, Satan also likes to learn new spells with him.

Basically, Satan and MC can be a chaotic evil pair.

Also, Satan is a fan of Calcifer because he doesn't fear anything.

Though, Satan will start a fight when Calcifer has the audacity to trash talk Satan.

Asmodeus

A worthy opponent... Our battle will be legendary!

Asmo found it kind of hot when MC called Lucifer "sweetheart" without hesitation.

It really takes a lot courage to do that!

Asmo and MC have flirting competitions with each other. It usually ends in a draw.

Loves to tease Solomon on how he has competition.

Solomon doesn't care but it's just fun for Asmo.

Makes MC his bodyguard. Someone has to protect Asmo, he's too beautiful!

Asmo does NOT like Calcifer, how dare he insult him?!

(I don't know what to put anymore, hELP)

Belphegor

All Belphie heard was that there was a new member in the Anti-Lucifer group.

Again, RIP Lucifer, you will be missed.

Belphie will keep asking MC to do his homework because MC must be smart right? Belphie could be spending his time sleeping!

Repays MC by helping him find ingredients for his potions. (Which Belphie is kind of good at)

Belphie also makes up pranks that are too extreme that MC starts thinking if he even likes Lucifer a little bit.

With Calcifer, Belphie likes him because Calcifer is not even afraid to trash talk.

Sometimes, Belphie joins in on the trash talking for Diavolo and Lucifer.

***

THIS IS SO BAD, I'M SO SORRY-

I JUST KEPT TYPING AND WENT WITH IT

I LOVE YOU ANON, I SWEAR

Alt: Thanks for requesting! Love you!

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N:  I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube. 

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy. 

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock. 

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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Californian Dream (Pt. 01 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 2.8 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

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Lemonade

Ignoring the meaningless chattering, you drink what's left of your water, then put the glass against your neck, hoping the cold will help with the hot weather. Summers in California are always this hot, and since you're under the sun, it doesn't help. Some of your friends, or better saying, the family friends, the people you grew up with, are here again, using your pool as if it was some kind of club they can attend. Standing on this badly shaped circle, you pretend to listen as Ryan goes on about some mansion he helped his father sell this weekend. He's excited, gesticulating a lot, and the others seem to be quite interested too. But not you. Honestly, you couldn't care less.

Through the corner of your eye, you see someone moving on the other side of the huge pool, behind some trees. Turning your head to see it better, you easily recognize the new pool guy, Billy Hargrove. He's been working here for only a couple of months, coming a few times a week to clean the pool or to fix something. You always pay attention to the staff, because nobody else does. You like to know them since they're working at your house after all, and that made you befriend a lot of them throughout the years. But Billy? You haven't even crossed paths with him yet. On purpose.

Billy is by far the most handsome guy you ever met, and you just don't think you can say anything to his face. He probably thinks you're one of the silly, rich chicks he meets on his job, and for some reason, it bothers you.

“(Y/N).” Ryan snaps his fingers on your face, dragging you out of your thoughts. “Are you in there? Aren't you listening?”

“Yup. Sorry, I tuned out for a minute.” Politely, you apologize. “What were you saying?”

“The gala. Who are you going with?”

“Uhm... Not sure yet.” Playing with the empty glass, you move your weight from one leg to the other. “I don't have any good options.”

“What?” Gisele exclaims, giggling. “Robert wants to go with you. Daniel would easily ditch his date for you. And Michael–”

“Don't wanna go with neither of them.” Cutting her off, you decide to just say it. Robert is the most hateful person you ever met. Daniel has been chasing after you for years, it doesn't matter how hard you try to make him understand you don't like him, and every girl he dates, he does it to try and make you jealous. And Michael is a manipulative jerk. All three members of the most prestigious families of California, and desired bachelors. And yet, you can't stand them.

“Who are you going with then? The pool guy?” Gisele gestures at something across the pool, and you know at who.

“Maybe. I bet he's way better than Michael, Daniel, or Robert.” This makes all the five of them laugh, in a very mocking tone. But you mean it. “I might go by myself. Who cares?”

“Are you crazy? Your parents will care, and people will talk, you know that.” Ryan rolls his eyes, lightly slapping his friend's arm. “C'mon, Antony, let's find (Y/N) a fourth option.” The two guys smirk and walk away, and you don't even bother to ask what they're up to. You don't care.

“For real now, (Y/N),” Alice says, running her fingers through her hair. “Gisele is right. The three guys are so into you, and Robert...” She chuckles, exchanging a glance with Gisele. “He's hot. He's... So damn hot.”

“Why don't you go with him then?” You ask her, taking a deep breath and already thinking of an excuse to get away from this conversation and back into the secrecy of your bedroom.

“Because I'm dating.” She answers as if it was the most obvious thing. As if she didn't have a different boyfriend every month. “James Whayland. The one and only, heir to the Whayland fortune? Do you happen to know him?” A rhetoric question, of course. Everyone knows who the Whayland are. “I'm so gonna marry him.”

“You must,” Gisele adds. “You'd be like, stupidly rich.”

And they go on with that, a conversation you don't even try to follow. A lot of girls do that, getting married to join the fortunes and shove more money into their pockets. Your mother herself did it, and she tries to push you into doing the same, pointing out the richest bachelors of California. But you'd never do that. You rather never get married than getting married without love. It's so obvious, yet, if you bring that up, it always becomes an argument. ‘Love comes with time’, she says. ‘Once you're provided financial stability, you'll learn to love the provider.’ None of that sounds appealing to you. You're hoping to fall in love one day. It hasn't happened yet, but you'll patiently wait.

“Hey, Earth to (Y/N).” Ryan raises his voice, and, a little annoyed, you look up at him.

“What?”

“You're welcome.” He says with a wicked smile.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you tilt your head to the side. “For what, Ryan?”

“For getting you the best date ever for the gala, sweetie.” He and Antony laugh, and soon enough the others follow. “The pool guy is taking you to a high society party. How amazing is that?”

It takes a while for you to even process what he's saying, but his mean tone makes you angry. He thinks he's superior to anyone who doesn't have a collection of fancy cars in their garage. “First of all, Ryan, the pool guy has a name, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. You're always close to the staff.” He emphasizes the last word, making a disgusted face.

“Second...” What? Second what? You know you can't go with Billy. That would get people talking. But then, the other options make you sick to even consider them. And honestly, you couldn't care less about what people say. It'll probably get you a hell of a lecture from your parents, a few weeks of gossips and mean comments, but that's it. Soon enough someone else will become the hottest topic. “You know what, forget it.” Putting the empty glass on the table, you walk away, ignoring how they call you, telling you not to be silly.

Maybe the guys are joking. Maybe they're just pulling a prank on you, but there's no problem with finding that out. Walking around the pool and into the garden, you walk around the supply closet, following the low noise of something being put into the metal shelves. The supply closet is open, so you patiently wait on the outside, barefoot on the grass as you move to stand to bellow a tree. Bouncing your leg, you look around, breathing deeply and trying to understand why the hell you decided to face Billy now. He's the only guy who works here you're making sure not to have any contact with.

“Good afternoon.” The voice startles you, and you immediately turn to face him. Billy is closing the closet door shut, eyes focused on you. And yes, he's far more gorgeous from up close. “May I help you, Miss–”

“(Y/N).” You cut him off, cursing yourself for doing so. “You may call me (Y/N).”

He simply nods, walking closer and stopping on a shadow spot too. “Do you need anything from me?”

“Uhm...” For a moment, you gotta think a little to remember what brought you here. “I just wanted to ask if maybe some two jerks came to talk to you... About a party... And... Taking a girl to this party...” Playing with your fingers, you wonder if he already thinks you're a total idiot.

“Yes. They said you needed a date for some gala.” Billy crosses his arms, not looking away from you. “If you need it, I can take you.”

Oh. Would he really do that? “Uhm... Look, Ryan and Antony meant it as a joke.” You gotta be honest, even if it means he'll give up the idea. “I mean, not for me, they're just... They're jerks. And they...” Holy crap. You have to get your shit together. “They thought it would be funny to make you think you could take me to this gala.” Taking a deep breath, you push the words out. “But... I would like it if you could because all my options suck. It's either Michael or Robert or Daniel, and you probably know they're all fighting for the award of the worst person on the face of Earth.”

“It might be really hard to make this decision. Might as well split the award in three.” He speaks up and you giggle. The staff don't usually speak like that about the families they work for. But Billy doesn't seem to care and you like that.

“Yeah. So... I know people will gossip about it but I'd be forever grateful if you could do me this kindness.” You're blushing now, biting your lip. “Because I know it's not your job or anything but I could pay you if you want.”

“There's no need.” Billy shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders. “It's a party, right? It will be fun.”

“Oh... About that...” Calling such events ‘parties’ is a misunderstanding. Almost a crime. “These things... Suck. It's super dull, full of rich people donating, trying to donate more them someone else just so they'll show off how rich they really are... You'll absolutely hate it. I do.” Gesturing at yourself, you give him an apologetic look. “I'd owe you for life if you help me get through it without having to put up with any of those assholes.”

Billy nods, looking down before his eyes meet yours again. “I believe I'll have to wear one of those suits right?”

“Well, I'll be in some uncomfortable dress, so we'll both be unhappy about our clothes.” Your mind goes to the lilac dress your mother made you buy, extremely expensive.

“Alright then. It's on Sunday, right?” You nod. “Should I pick you up?”

“Yes. At seven.” He gives a small nod before gesturing at the garden. “I gotta go now.”

“Sure...” Billy waves before walking away, and you stand there, wondering if you should go back to your so-called friends. You're sure Ryan will have that stupid smile on, eager to know what you and Billy have spoken about. And you won't tell anything, but you also don't want to deal with that shit right now, or else you might tell right to their faces how much of a jerk they are. So you decide to follow Billy through the garden, easily finding him by a particular big tree. He's opening a leaf tarp on a clean space on the grass before taking a fan rake. “This tree is dying.” You say, getting his attention. Billy turns around, furrowing his eyebrows. “That's why there are so many fallen leaves. See how some of them seem healthy, normal green leaves? It only happens when the tree is dying.”

“Then you should have someone cut it down before someone gets hurt.” He says, looking a little confused. “Shouldn't you go back to your friends?”

“Yeah, I probably should.” You're tired of all the things you should do, so for today, you won't do them. As silly as it may be. “Do you need some help?” You ask, stepping forward a little.

“No, I'm alright.” It sounds like a question, and you blush from the way he stares at you, for several seconds, before focusing on his task, raking the leaves to the tarp.

“Ok.” Whispering, you move to sit on a wooden table, one of the many you have scattered around the property. You try not to look at Billy too much, noticing how weird it feels to do this. You barely know the guy, he'll be your date for a gala, and now you're awkwardly seated here, watching as he works. Well, it is better than whatever your friends must be talking about now. “So... What exactly do you work with?” You ask, hoping to get any kind of conversation going. “I thought you just took care of the pool.”

“I work for a company. BJ's Associates.” Billy starts, and you take this chance to look at him. Despite the distance, you can see the sweat glistening on his forehead. “They send me to any place I'm needed. Some of them are scheduled weekly, others are random. And–” He makes a pause suddenly, giving you a look. “Are you bored yet?”

“No.” Shrugging your shoulders, you giggle. “I actually wanna know.”

He turns his head to look at the pool, which is a little distant now. Maybe he thinks this is some kind of move, and you wouldn't blame him, judging by the way the guys probably came to talk to him. “That's it. I clean pools, fix cars, might paint walls or something, clean gardens... The list goes on.”

“You know how to fix a car?” Raising an eyebrow, you move to seat on the table, placing both your feet on the wooden bench. “My car is making this weird noise and I'm sure it's not some normal noise.”

“How does it sounds like?”

“Like a clunking, I think... every time I hit the breaks, even when it's softly.”

“It could be some damage to the brake caliper.” He's quick to answer, and you raise your eyebrows, impressed. “Or it's badly mounted.”

“Damn, you're good.” You exclaim, giggling at his funny face.

“I just–”

“(Y/N)!” Amelia's voice reaches you, and Billy stops talking, resuming his job. “I've been looking for you.” The old lady, with her gray hair tied up on a perfect, sophisticated bun, comes to the table you're at, a tray with a jar and six glasses on her hands.

“I've been here chatting with Billy.” You tell as she lays the tray down. “And no, I won't go back to the pool.”

“They're talking about James Whayland.” She starts, rolling her eyes. Amelia is the only one in this house, well, the only one you know who understands you. “Alice Martin was talking about marrying him...?”

“Yup.” A stronger wind messes with your hair, so you use a hand to keep it away from your face. “Something about joining their fortunes and being the king and queen of California. Some shit like that.”

“Poor Alice.” Amelia breathes out, taking a glass and pouring some lemonade on it before handing it over to you. “That Whayland kid is not the nicest guy on Earth.”

“Poor James!” You giggle, putting your glass down and serving her some lemonade too. She doesn't like when you do that, since she's here to serve you. Amelia, the woman who raised you is here for nothing else than to serve you. So unbelievable it almost makes you laugh. “Alice isn't nice either. She can be very manipulative to get what she wants.”

“Don't I know?” She mutters. “Well, I must go. Serve this to your friends.”

“No, no, no. Take your glass and leave the rest. If someone complains tell them I'll drink the whole jar.” Taking the tray from her hands, you place it down on the table again.

“Alright, Miss–”

“(Y/N). Honey. Bunny. Anything, but not this formal stuff, ok?” You correct her, and Amelia gives you a bright smile.

“Alright, (Y/N).” She repeats before turning around and walking away, cordially greeting Billy.

Taking a sip from your glass, you smile to notice Amelia's lemonade is as good as always. A little too sour for your parents taste, but you like it better this way. Your attention goes back to Billy, still dealing with the fallen leaves, despite being almost done. If you ask, he might say no, so you just pour another glass before jumping to the ground, making your way over him. “Here.” Raising your voice, you get his attention. And once again he has this confused expression on his face when he sees the glass. “Lemonade. It's hella hot out here and this might help.”

“Thanks.” Squinting his eyes a little, he takes the glass from your hand, taking long sips, drinking almost everything.

“Sorry if it's a little too sour. I don't like much sugar on it and Amelia knows so...” When he's done, he gives you back the glass. “Why are you looking at me like that? I swear I'm not a ghost.”

“That's not it. I'm just not used to being treated like that by the owners.” Billy's voice gets a little darker, and he pronounces the last word with certain anger. But you can imagine exactly why. Most of the people you know aren't very fond of their employees. They're just the people they pay off to do what they can't do by themselves.

“I know how some of the families can be mean.” Drumming your fingers on the empty glass, you stand there, staring at Billy, just now noticing the deep, beautiful shade of blue from his eyes. Involuntary, you breathe out, smiling.

“What?”

“Nothing!” You burst out, clearing your throat and finding your legs again, making the way back at the table. “I–”

“(Y/N)!” A shout startles you, and when you turn at the source of the voice, you see it's Gisele. “Get back here! You won't guess who just got here.”

“If it isn't Michael Jackson ready to perform Beat It, I'll be disappointed.” You mutter, only loud enough for Billy to hear it as you walk back to the pool.

“Call me if it's him,” Billy says and you giggle, giving him one last look.

It's not Michael. Well, it is, but not Jackson, just Michael Rothford. He stands by the pool, where everyone gathers around him. Trying not to look pissed, you move closer, offering a polite, fake smile. “Good afternoon, Mike. How have you been?”

“I'm way better now.” He answers, and you try to ignore how everyone moves a little, giving you more space to move closer to Michael. He takes your hand, giving it a shake, and awkwardly squeezing it softly. “I'm here to ask, once again, for you to let me take you to Sunday's gala.”

The two idiots, Antony and Ryan start giggling, and you know exactly why. “Sorry, Mike, I can't.” Pulling your hand away, you cross your arms. “I already have someone, so...” Thank God you have the perfect excuse, and it's not even a lie. You're so damn relieved you won't be forced to attend to such a boring event with someone like Michael.

“Who?” He snaps, suddenly pissed. “Daniel is going with that Angela chick. Robert, you can't stand. Andrew isn't in the country, Willian–”

“You don't know him, alright?” Cutting him off, you sigh.

“Oh, shit,” Ryan mutters, and you give him a look. He has a hand covering his mouth, trying to control a laugh. “You're really going to the gala with the pool guy.” Antony burst into laughter, and the others try to control themselves not to.

“You rather go with the staff than with me?” Michael sounds offended as if he was punched in the face. “Are you kidding me, (Y/N)?”

Quickly, you try to think of something to say. You can't say the truth, that he's a hateful human being you can't stand being next to. But nothing comes to your mind. “No, I'm not. I... Actually wanna go with Billy.”

“Honestly, (Y/N), screw you.” He barks, and before you can answer, he grabs both your shoulders and pushes you straight into the water.

Everything happens way too fast for you to process, so there was no way you could tell him you absolutely can't swim. So the moment you hit the water, you just sink, your body moving to the bottom, way too far from the surface. You do try moving your legs a bit, uselessly. But you're suddenly pulled, strong arms moving you through the water until you finally reach the surface, gasping for air. Breathing fast, the terror finally starts kicking in, and you push yourself up, stumbling a little, ignoring all the hands that offer help. Once you're out of the water, seated on the edge, you finally see who saved you, Billy, also pushing himself up, only with a lot more grace than you. You exchange a glance, and his hand is the one you take, pulling yourself back to your feet.

“You can't swim?” You hear Michael's voice, a curse caught in your throat. “I never met a Californian who can't swim.”

Not minding the small crowd around, you make you walk to Michael, losing no time before slapping him right on the face, the loud noise of your wet hand colliding to his cheek startling some of your friends. “Asshole!” You yell before storming away, embarrassed, still struggling to catch your breath, feeling cold thanks to your soaked clothes.

“Hey.” Someone calls, but you ignore them, walking fast into the house. “(Y/N).” Your arm being grabbed makes you stop walking and turn around, ready to make hell rain on whoever it is, but your fury melts away when you see Billy. “Are you ok?”

Taking a deep breath, you relax a little, nodding. “Yeah, I just... Got scared.” He lets go of your arm, but you don't step away, looking into his blue, calming eyes. “Thank you, though. You saved my life.”

“Can't believe he threw you at the water like that.”

“See why I need you to take me to that stupid party?” Crossing your arms, you pace around. “I can't even begin to imagine how it'd be to spend the night with that prick.” Looking down, you notice how you and Billy are dripping, soaking the white floor. “I gotta go change, and you should... I don't know. At least you got to enjoy the pool for a while.”

“I'd rather enjoy it when you're not drowning.”

“Yeah, that would be better.” Shyly smiling, you give a step backwards. “I gotta go... But thanks again.” Stopping in your tracks, you decide to be just a little brave. Stepping closer, you tiptoe to place a quick kiss on Billy's cheek, before turning around and rushing upstairs to your bedroom.

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