#shit I forgot a tallit

[stuckyfingers]

"You may now kiss the groom"

"At long last, I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold as I have always done, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till the end of the line."

Bucky Barnes can't hold back his tears when he leans in to kiss Steve Rogers after stomping the glass. They are pictured laughing into their first kiss as a married couple, under a chuppah and pink flowers.

[whocalledhimannux]

oyou know what, fuck it. I’m drunk on a Tuesday night and I’ve been talking about Jews in an old fandom for the last couple of days so I’m going to make my case for Jewish Relius, in full acknowledgement of the fact that it makes no sense in canon

so the maps of the QT world seem to sort of imply that this is a world where Turkey/possibly parts of Iran and Iraq share a land bridge with Africa, cutting out most of the Sinai peninsula including Eretz Yisrael. which would make the existence of Judaism (or Christianity or Islam for that matter).... difficult. but not totally impossible! because Avraham Avinu is said to be from Ur, which historically was on the Persian Gulf which is roughly analogous to the QT great southern ocean. so it’s totally possible to sub one of those Three Cities or Hemet in for a fictional QT Jerusalem.

and it’s then real easy to make a fictional diaspora in the Hephestian Peninsula because of all that imperialism in the Mede region (am I making Immakuk an antisemite in this au? hope not. he can be that fucking dude. what’s his face. Cyrus? the one who ended the babylonian exile), and the Greek Jewish diaspora is one of the oldest in the world, going back a solid 2100 years, well within the QT-equivalent era.

and yknow, by Gen’s time people are pretty lackadaisical towards the gods, which is Good for the Jews, because we tend to do Not Great in times of strong nationalistic  religion and cultural hegemony.

anyway that’s my argument for Jewish QT characters in general

now let’s move on to my boychik Relius

I am aware that this could play into stereotypes given that Relius is a very Suspicious Slippery character who ~Betrays his Country~ and has a voracious sexual appetite but consider this

I Can Do Anything I Want

setting aside the sex stuff because sex is Good actually and all my favorite people are LGBTQ Jews

gross stereotypes very often have their roots in something Real but misconstrued

we see this in QT itself. very, very, very frequently, characters resort to trickery and lies and underhandedness because they are members of an underclass and therefore do not have the luxury of above-board measures--Pheris weaponizes ableism, Irene weaponizes sexism (moreso than Helen, who tends to defy it outright). Relius and Kamet are a bastard and an enslaved person, respectively (and okloi as a matter of course) and that shapes their personalities to a POWERFUL degree

so too the Jews. for a significant portion of European history, Jews were legally okloi as a class, pushed into trade because they were forbidden for owning land. being non-landowners deprived them of most of the legal rights afforded subjects/citizens, but in some ways also was beneficial, in that they were more mobile and had more avenues for success and stability if something like, say, a war or a flood or what-have-you bankrupted farmers and landowners. at various points, various European nations also employed Jews as the enforcers of the state financial apparatus. Christians and Jews alike are forbidden from charging interests to their in-group, but without interest, nobody is fckig giving loans to anyone, and if no one can get a loan, that’s a significant damper on the economy. so, the king puts Jews in charge of banks, because Jews can charge Christians interest. the king puts Jews in charge of collecting taxes. “court Jews” do the bidding of the monarchy because putting themselves under the king’s protection gives them access to wealth and power they would otherwise be barred from, AND ALSO protects them from outbursts of religiously or politically motivated antisemitic violence because fucking No One likes the tax collectors or the bank’s loan officers

which is to say - Shylock was the tragic hero of Merchant of Venice, actually

and Relius can fit a stereotype and still be Good Jewish Representation if he is written with all the love and sensitivity and historical nuance I hold in my heart

side note: all the Tolkien fans who were mad at me for writing Jewish Dwarves because I was ~stereotyping them~ when I was just trying to add nuance to Tolkien’s blatant “they were meant to be Semitic” bullshit can still fuck right off

where was I going with this

okay so

Judaism is matrilineal and Relius is raised by his mother and his father is a steward but doesn’t acknowledge him and he’s sort of three-times stereotyped as a bastard, an okloi, and an Outsider, barely Attolian tbh, doesn’t acknowledge the old gods or the new

and he learns how to manipulate people as a matter of survival and he thrives and there’s some kind of parallel to be made between Mordechai and Esther and Relius and Irene, I’m pretty sure--

Mordechai is the uncle of a young woman who becomes the queen of Babylon or Persia or something and he helps her get there and there’s this whole Thing where an evil advisor is going to kill the Jews and Mordechai is like “perhaps it is for this moment that you have become queen?” and Esther becomes a hero and we have a whole holiday about getting drunk and eating food in the shape of the evil guy’s hat/fingers/ears

the way he guilts Kamet in that Thick as Thieves scene. very Jewish.

the fact that he’s in love with Teleus, who is Extremely Goyish. reminds me of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay, when Sammy falls in love with a blond named Bacon. the Intellectual loves the Jock. shocking.

my god, the fact that he’s always poking his nose into other people’s business. because of national security? no. because he NEEDS to be the most well-informed gossip at Kiddush after Shabbat services. prior to her marriage, all of his reports to Irene were made over a dixie cup of wine, while clutching a plate from the buffet, looking across the room at the people they were talking about

the short velvet cape he affects even in summer? actually a tallit. Costis, too, is the most hopelessly goyishe man who’s ever existed and just forgot to mention the fringes.

he’s into history (Jews fucking love history) and astronomy (because he has that sphere thing--and you know, astronomy is useful for a lunar calendar), and he plays the flute. you know why there are no Jewish piano players? because you can’t flee the country with a piano. but a flute fits the bill.

oh man, his lessons with Pheris could be ripped straight out of any Jewish-American Eastern-European immigrant story about a cheder. Jews Love education and don’t fully give a shit about not scaring children in the process.

that’s the proof, and may I add the headcanons:

Relius enjoying a very long, leisurely meal on Friday evenings for Shabbat, drinking wine, singing/enjoying music, discussing grammar/translation, poetry, and philosophy with his dinner guests (Kamet, Gen, Irene, Pheris. Teleus and Costis mostly there for eye candy.)

Relius in the beginning of his career being more cautious, and then becoming more comfortable in his position and being like actuallyyyyy, I will keep kosher and keep the Sabbath, thanks, and if I’m a workaholic who writes spy reports on Saturdays that’s None of Your Business. I will get mad at people who expect me to work on the sabbath anyway.

got a lil silver hamsa pendant with a sapphire evil eye he wears all the time.

favorite holiday is Pesach. what can I say, Greek Jewish boy loves a symposium.

in conclusion: if you understood this post, the most niche post I have ever created in my life, please dm me so we can be friends. Relius’s Hebrew name is Reuven in honor of the fact that that would be my Hebrew name if I were a man. good night.

[thank-you-for-the-vampire-money]

GROWN UP CHRISTMAS LIST

link to the sing is HERE

A/N: Last one before Christmas everyone!  Also, I totally forgot Peter Parker is Jewish/Jewish coded and it was too last minute to change so I tried my best to make it work, I’m so sorry >~< please tell me if anything is inaccurate or insensitive and I’ll fix it ASAP

College!Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 1994

Summary: The holiday season is supposed to be joyful and warm!  But Peter can’t feel happy knowing others are suffering.

Warnings: Peter being a bit of a jerk, sadness, mentions of homelessness and illness, a bit of depression/ sadness?

Do you remember me

I sat upon your knee

I wrote to you with childhood fantasies

Well I'm all grown up now

And still need help somehow

I'm not a child but my heart still can dream

  December was a pretty busy season for you and your fiance.  You and Peter had three holidays to plan for that month, sometimes two of them would overlap.  You would both have to go Christmas shopping and prepare for a week of Hanukkah, and of course New Years after that.  It was hectic, but always loads of fun!  This year, you decided to stay with Aunt May over the holidays and celebrate with her and Ned; get the whole gang together!

You rummaged through Aunt May’s decorations, some green and red, others silver and blue, looking for the old holiday pictures of Peter.  It was mandatory you put at least one old picture of Peter up, just to embarrass him.  “Oh my gosh, look at this!” You laughed, calling over Ned and May so they could see.  They looked up from their Christmas-light-untangling to see what you were laughing about.

It was the photo that had been taken a few years ago when you took Peter to see Santa at the mall as a joke.  He was wearing a kippah, an “ugly Hanukkah sweater, and his tallit.  The mall Santa got a kick out of it and both he and Peter looked so happy in the picture.

“I totally forgot about that one!” May cackled, her body moving joyfully as she laughed, “put it on the mantle! That’s too good for people not to see!”.

“Speaking of which, where is Peter?” Ned asked, adjusting his festive Santa hat, “he should have been here by now, it’s been hours,”

“Well he’s got a big grocery list to shop for- two holidays and normal shopping,” you said, putting the picture on the mantle, between the Menorah and Christmas tree, “he was also going to visit MJ,”

  Peter barged into the door, carrying about seven thousand grocery bags, all packed full.  “Little help please?” he demanded, a six pound bag of potatoes balancing on his head.

You and Ned rushed to help him, gathering some of the bags and setting them down on the kitchen floor and counters.  “Are you okay?!” Ned gasped, hoping Peter didn’t hurt himself.

“Yeah, I’m fine!” he snapped, groaning as he rubbed the red marks on his wrists from there the bags were cutting off his circulation.  He pushed past you and stormed to his room, slamming the door.

“... Geez…” Ned hissed, turning back to the groceries to help put them away, “what’s up with him?”.

You narrowed your eyes at Peter’s bedroom door, a little miffed at how poorly he had treated his friend.  “I don’t know… maybe it’s just the holiday shopping- it’s… it’s pretty stressful…”.

 So here's my lifelong wish

My grown-up Christmas list

Not for myself but for a world in need

This is my grown-up Christmas list

  You groaned as you struggled to wrap Peter’s gift- the tape would not cooperate and your wrapping paper kept ripping.  How was it you were being outsmarted by a PS4 that wasn’t even out of its box?  “How do people do this so easily?!” you groaned.

Ned laughed, helping you with the tape, “practice,” he said, handing you a little strip and folding the paper over so it would cover the whole box.

You looked past Ned to see his perfect pile of perfectly wrapped presents.  “Show off…” you muttered, cutting some blue ribbon and tying it into a mediocre-looking bow.

  With soft footsteps, Peter wandered into the kitchen to get himself some eggnog.  That was his favorite part of celebrating both Holidays- he got the best food from both of them.

“Go back to your room! No peeking!” you cried out, shoving his David’s star-shaped stocking under the couch, “we’re wrapping your gifts!”.

He paused mid-sip to cringe.  “Why did you get me gifts?” Peter scoffed, “could’ve spent that money on charity…”.  That last part was said under his breath, but you heard it clear as a bell.

“Hey, you should be grateful!” you spat back, “if you didn’t want anything, you should’ve told me that before!”.  If you were completely honest, Peter had been acting like this since Thanksgiving; bitchy.  You were not going to tolerate it.

He just rolled his eyes and walked back to his room to be alone.

“Don’t worry, (Y/N), I’m sure he’ll apologize once he’s out of this funk,” Ned said, putting a hand on your shoulder.  You wished you could believe that...

 As children, we believe

The grandest sight to see

Was something lovely wrapped beneath the tree

But Heaven only knows

That packages and bows

Can never heal a hurting human soul

  “Turn off the Christmas lights! The Menorah looks so much prettier with them off,” May said, motioning her hand for Ned to switch off the electric lights.

Ned nodded, rushing to turn off all the lights and closing the curtains.  You’re not sure why he decided to do that, it was already dark outside… even though it was only, like, two pm.

May put in the fifth candle in its place, before starting to recite the blessing.  “Baruch atah…. Adonai Eloheinu, Melech haolam… asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah…” she recited perfectly, barely even looking at the cheat sheet she printed out.

The cheat sheet was more for you as you tried your very best to speak good Hebrew… you were not very good, definitely butchering the pronunciation.  You looked over at Peter for some guidance, but he wasn’t even trying.

His lips barely moved as he mumbled the blessing, switching his weight from one foot to the other.  His arms were crossed and in his face, he looked… sad.  Overall he just looked uncomfortable.  Peter loved this part of the night!  It was weird enough that he turned down the opportunity to light the candles, but wasn't even participating.  Was he okay?

  May lit the helper candle from the center before taking it from its stand and lighting the other five.  The flame reflected off her glasses as she smiled, so excited to share her family tradition with others.  “Peter, why don- hey… are you okay?” she asked, cupping his squishy face in her hands, “what’s wrong, peanut?”.

Pete looked at her with sad puppy eyes.  He swallowed his feelings, pushing away from her to go back to his room.  “Nothing…” he mumbled, “if you need anything, I’ll be at my desk,”.

 What is this illusion called the innocence of youth

Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

  It was the middle of the night, not a creature was stirring, except for you.  It was cold, it had started to snow, and you only had one blanket, so you were going to the to find another one.  You quietly padded to the living room, only to be startled by the shadowy figure on the couch.

“Holy shit!” you gasped, turning on a lamp, “oh.. Peter… it’s just you…”.

He didn’t even move, he just kept holding the picture he had taken off the mantle, staring at the wall.

  “What are you doing up, darling?” you asked, going to sit down beside him.  He shifted away from you, but it was clear he needed affection, so you gently put a hand on his shoulder.  He let you.  “Peter, you’ve been acting weird, please tell me what’s wrong?” you begged, rubbing his back gently, “I’m worried about you,”.

Peter let out a long, tired sigh, his shoulders sagging.  “What’s the point?” he sniffed, trying not to cry.  Oh, you hated seeing him cry, he always looked so scared and helpless when he cried.  “Why should I enjoy my time during the holidays when there are millions of people suffering?” he sobbed, leaning into your side for comfort, “I tried to visit MJ the other day, but she couldn’t talk because her Aunt is sick, I went shopping and I saw so many homeless people on the street… now that it’s snowing people are freezing!”.

  You heard what he was saying, you really did.  It was hard to enjoy life when you see the world suffer.  But you didn’t understand why this was bothering him now?  He was Spider-Man!  He saved lives, helped people… he was one of the most charitable people you’ve ever known!  “Peter… darling… it’s okay,” you assured him, cupping his face, “you do so much for the world, you can alleviate some of the pain people feel… we can help, we can do something,”.

Tears fell down his cheeks as he looked you in the eyes.  “I know, I know, but…” he sniffed, pulling away from your touch, staring down at the silly Santa picture in his hands.  What happened to him?  He used to be so happy when he was younger… now… he just felt hopeless…  “I can’t stop bad things from happening… an entire galaxy and multiverse of heroes can’t stop bad things… what can I, one man, do?” he ranted, growling in frustration as he stood up to toss the picture back where it belonged.  He sighed again, the wave of anger passing.  “I can’t do anything…” he whispered, slinking back to his room.

 No more lives torn apart

That wars would never start

And time would heal all hearts

And everyone would have a friend

And right would always win

And love would never end

  Christmas Eve, less than twenty-four hours from the most wonderful day of the year, and Peter couldn’t be more depressed.  He drugged up the stairs with his tired feet, exhausted from work.  Damn, why wouldn't maintenance fix that stupid elevator already?  He peeled the red beanie off his head, his curly hair fluffing up from the static electricity as he reached the sixth floor.

“What the hell?” Peter called, seeing the long lines of people in the hall.  All of his neighbor's doors were open, hundreds of strangers were walking from apartment to apartment with plates of food and big glasses of hot cider.  Entire families were sitting on the floor, opening shiny new gifts and little stockings with their kids.

Peter fluidly moved around the crowds of people to get into his apartment, looking for you.  There were still tons of people in his home, lines of people going to the kitchen and back out to the hallway.

“Peter!” you called excitedly, waving your hand above your head from the kitchen, “over here!”. 

He quickly ran over to you, not expecting you to toss an apron onto his head.  “What is going on here?  Who are all these people?” he asked, tying the smock around his waist.

“They're friends,” you smiled, serving latkes to the people coming through the line, “here, take a ladle and serve the beef,”.  He followed orders, still really confused.  “I decided to contact Pepper and your neighbors, do some good this season,” you grinned, yelling over the crowds, “I told them what you said the other day and they wanted to help, so we organized a food and toy drive through Stark industries,”.

A wide smile split Peter’s chapped lips.  “You’re the best, you know that?  You really are,” he shouted, eagerly serving the line.

“Pepper even opened the old Stark tower as public housing!” Ned said, bringing over another pot of potatoes to May so she could continue cooking, “thousands of people will be sleeping and showering there!”

  Peter looked around the room, seeing all the smiling faces coming and going, really experiencing the holidays, possibly for the first time in years. He was so proud of his family, so thankful for them.  This… this is what he truly wanted for Christmas and it was another Hanukkah miracle!

 This is my grown-up Christmas list

This is my only lifelong wish

This is my grown-up Christmas list

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