#shion was only able to exist and remain as 'shion' because nezumi was by his side

[shion2nd]

if they somehow end up finding my screenshots of their tweets ill kill myself but

this person doesnt even know how obsessed i am w their no.6 takes. thank you for speaking out OUR truth

[nezumiismissing]

Overcoming Similarities and Fear of the Self: A Lesson in Socialization

Ok so I'd like to start out by saying that this isn't going to be nearly as pretentious and academic as the title makes it sound, but I couldn't let go of how good it sounded (and since it’s me it’s at least a little pretentious and academic), so here we are. But anyways, onto the topic at hand.

Like most stories, No.6 focuses immensely on fundamental differences between people and places, and how those differences lead to conflict that either brings those groups together or destroys one or both of them. On a large scale, No.6 tells the story of the conflict between the West Block and lower classes of citizens, and the institution of No.6 itself as created by the city's elites. On a small scale, we see this larger issue of sociopolitical conflict reflected in Nezumi and Shion and their relationship as it develops throughout the story. This individual conflict is mostly philosophical, with each character having their own experiences with No.6 and therefore differing opinions as to what, if anything, needs to be done about it. However, these differences in experiences, and how Nezumi and Shion were taught to view the world, function not only as a reflection of larger scale issues, but also reveal how they form their opinions about both the world, and especially in Nezumi's case, each other.

Right from the beginning of the story, we are shown, and expected to accept, that Nezumi and Shion are fundamentally different, that their experiences are so drastically different from each other that outside of a certain level of compromise, they will never philosophically align with one another. But I think there’s more to it than that. Because even though this difference is what drives the entirety of the plot forward, acting as a micro level version of the wider sociopolitical conflict, one of the overarching themes of the story, that humans are fundamentally the same, or at least equal, no matter their experiences and beliefs, directly contradicts what is otherwise a story of dichotomies, creating not a grey area open to interpretation, but a single truth that must be accepted in order to accept the events of the story.

And here is where we get to the part where I ramble on about the complexity of Nezumi’s character and how it informs not only his actions, but his emotions as well. Specifically, Nezumi’s “fear” of Shion that develops throughout the story on the surface appears to be based on the fact that not only have they had vastly different experiences, and therefore view No.6 and its issues significantly differently, but also that because of these differences Nezumi is, for the first time, recognizing that there are things about the world and other people that he does not fully understand. By defying Nezumi’s expectations of what a citizen of No.6 should be like, and demonstrating his individuality and ability to defend himself, Shion proves that people are more complex than they often first appear, have motives outside of basic survival or corruption, and can behave in ways that to an outsider seem completely irrational. Looking at it this way, Nezumi’s discomfort with and eventual fear of Shion make perfect sense, as he appears to Nezumi to be someone who is now completely unknowable and irrational. However, Shion’s insistence on that theme, that humans are fundamentally the same, highlights a completely different idea: Nezumi is not afraid of Shion only because of their differences, or because he is an unknown entity, but also because through his interactions with Shion, Nezumi is forced to face the fact that perhaps they are actually quite similar, and that the one who was unknown all along was himself.

Throughout the story, we get very few, if any, chances to see Nezumi do any kind of self reflection. He has already figured himself out, he knows how the world works and what kind of people inhabit it, and no matter what may happen, he is able to approach it calmly and make completely rational choices. Except when it comes to Shion. From the beginning, Shion is so drastically different from what Nezumi is used to that there is no rational approach to take other than to simply observe him and try to decipher what he may be thinking at any given moment. Unfortunately for Nezumi, this is a task that remains impossible for him until he recognizes that there is a crucial part of his understanding of the world that he is missing, and why it is that he does not have it. This lack of understanding ties into many of Nezumi’s actions that to Shion, and us as the audience, appear irrational, specifically relating to why he leaves at the end of the story, as well as why he spends the majority of the story constantly contradicting himself and acting in ways that go directly against what he preaches earlier on to Shion.

This is especially apparent as we approach the end of the end of the story, when Nezumi’s focus on Shion shifts away from teaching him to survive, and instead towards preventing him from becoming too much like Nezumi. Part of this is of course, as the story points out, because to a certain extent Nezumi still sees Shion as an outsider, one who should not be enacting violence and should instead be protected. This is obviously uh, not a good and healthy way to think about another person that is supposed to be equal to you, but I think it also speaks to how Nezumi has grown through the process of self-reflection, even though this process remains unfinished even after the events in Beyond. Because I don’t think that Nezumi’s insistence on keeping Shion the same as he’s always been (which obviously also shows a lack of understanding of Shion as a person, and just people in general) is just about his desire to protect him, but rather a fear that if Shion becomes too much like him, then Nezumi’s actions and beliefs will have become externalized and projected in a way that forces him to face himself and all that he has done in his life. By this point in the story Nezumi has realized that some part of who Shion is as a person is also a part of himself, and Shion’s actions have shown that the reverse may also be true. Thus the possibility that further similarities will arise becomes likely, and out of fear that he does not actually fully understand himself, as well as an inability to self-reflect in a constructive way, this fear is taken out on Shion in the form of attempting to prevent him from changing in any way, in the hope that it will prevent the revealing of any more similarities, and therefore the further deconstruction of Nezumi’s sense of self. In other words, Nezumi’s desire to see Shion not change in the Correctional Facility is less an attempt to protect Shion from “reality” (which yes he does also want to do), and more a coping mechanism for Nezumi as he struggles with his own identity.

Now this is not to say that Nezumi and Shion are exactly the same, or that they should be interpreted as such, or that they will ever become exactly alike. Rather, it is more about the idea that all humans (with some exceptions of course) have the same or similar capacity for certain emotions/understandings of the world, and that what differentiates us from each other is not some innate difference that can never be overcome, but instead a result of socialization that, while not entirely able to be reversed, can be in many cases overwritten and changed through a continued process. In this specific case, for example, we see that Nezumi and Shion are both capable of strong feelings of empathy for other people. However, whereas Shion is entirely comfortable with processing this emotion, because of the way he was socialized (raised) by both the old woman and Rou, as well as a result of severe trauma, Nezumi has no real foundation for understanding human empathy, and so when he does experience it, his immediate reaction is to reject and rationalize it rather than attempt to process it, which would result in him having to fundamentally change his world views. Nezumi’s socialization also forms his conceptualization of the unknown as something to be feared, as the environments he was raised in required things that were unknown (such as No.6) to be seen as a threat rather than an opportunity to learn and develop. Thus the appearance of Shion, as well as his “strange” behavior brought over from No.6, serves as both a deep fascination for Nezumi as something that questions his construction of “humanity”, as well as something to be feared due to its existence outside of this construction.

Just to tie it all together, this is a huge part of why Nezumi ultimately has to leave at the end of the story. Just like every other person who has written about the ending has stated, Nezumi needs time to reflect and heal from his trauma, and that is something that is fundamentally impossible for him to do in the presence of either Shion or the remnants of No.6. After spending the majority of his life crushed under the weight of (and then forced to question) something that is both unknown and the source of his suffering, what he needs is the comfort of an unknown that fundamentally still fits into his preexisting world views while still leaving room for exploration that is free from the influence of others. Most of his life has been spent under the strict influence of those who raised him, who taught him that the world is ultimately a place of suffering, violence, and tragedy, that his trauma was justified, but normal, and nothing would ever fundamentally change about that world. The short period he did spend alone was time when he was too young to really be able to question that idea, and it instead became cemented in his mind as the “reality” he presents to Shion. Shion, on the other hand, so significantly disrupts this pattern that Nezumi is unable to rationally respond, and instead of taking the new information into account, resists it in self defense, not wanting to recognize that what he thought was reality only really existed in his mind. He needs an in-between place, a place where he can be alone with his thoughts and reflect on his life without the interference of people who he feels strongly connected to, who might influence his processing. He needs a place where he can not only recover from his trauma, but also the fear his socialization has resulted in that ultimately ended up only being the fear of his own humanity.

[no6secretsanta]

Day off.

Hey, it’s me, Apricot! I was so happy when I received the e-mail that you were my giftie @marykedoesart . I hope you like it!! <3

(from ApricotMori_ (twitter))

- Oh, boys! It’s such a shame you have to go, but don’t forget to come back soon, alright, Shion? And Nezumi…

- Yes, madam? 

- I know how happy you make my son and that brings me joy all the time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t hurt me… Stop buying those muffins near your home and come visit me. I’ll give you fresher ones for free, alright? 

Karan’s voice was sweet and caring, filled with that tender mother-like tone she has always had. Yet there was a little drop of anger noise between those words. She was smiling widely, her eyes were hidden by the curvature on her lips, and she was caressing Nezumi’s cheek. However… Shion was aware of how those words pierced Nezumi’s cool mask and shattered it.

That’s how her mother was like, a kindhearted woman, but also a strong one who would not accept anything but the best for those she appreciated dearly. And, yes, her muffins were the best around the city, and, yes, she appreciated Nezumi a lot. Shion would sometimes joke about how she just quitted on being his mother, because she put Nezumi under her wing. How could she take for granted that he tasted somebody else’s muffins?

“Elyurias was scary, but your mother has some guts”, Nezumi once admitted to Shion, so Shion couldn’t help but laugh at the image exposed right in front of his eyes.

Nezumi’s façade was somber and he was frightened because he couldn’t just play a stage to run away; Karan knew him better. She would immediately perceive it. 

- Mom, it’s been my fault. He never eats them, it’s me who asks him to go and buy some when I have to work until midnight… Stop scaring him.

- Oh! So Nezumi, are my muffins still your favorite ones?

- Of course, my dearest lady. They always have been and they always will be.

Nezumi bent down with his right palm against his chest, as elegant as someone from the realms.

He never lied; it was nothing else, but the truth. He wasn’t picky with food, but when it came to muffins that weren’t Karan’s, he would find all the excuses: too dry or not sweet enough, or whatever else. Those were the only exception.

They shared their farewells. The two boys started walking downhill with paper bags full of bread and Nezumi’s favorite desserts. The food was fresh, the smell was soothing, and it was still warm, so the bags felt nice against their torsos. It contrasted perfectly with the night that was starting to fall over them. As it grew darker, people would come back to their homes to get dinner, so the streets were kind of lonely except for the two figures that were walking and talking something unimportant, but still could steal some laughter; once or twice.

- If Your Majesty wants to, there’s no way this faithful servant could stop him… But, for real, Shion, the last time that didn’t turn out well. 

- I’m not sixteen anymore… Besides, if I start rubbing my nose with yours again, you can now just kiss me.

- Hmph.

Nezumi smirked. “Who has given so much confidence to this hopeless idiot?” he thought while grabbing Shion’s paper bags.

A bell announced Shion’s arrival to the liquor store, an item a little too classic for that kind of business, but it was good that some places still had those old rarities.

The city that once existed inside big walls was no longer there. It turned out way better than Nezumi could have expected. It grew at a record rate and now tall buildings full of better and eco-friendly technology stood there. Poverty was a word that couldn’t be used; everyone could afford to cover all their necessities without any class distinctions. People were able to choose their path and chase after their dreams out of government influence. 

After so many years, people that were from West Block and people that were from No. 6 had come to understand each other’s destinies. None of the citizens arbitrarily decided nor pulled the trigger of the lives each had to endure. It was all government faults and it had been clarified, cleaned, and restructured.

Forgiveness came; hatred and revenge was something from the past. When Nezumi first stepped into No. 6, he inhaled deeply; the fragrance of freedom, the sense of safety, and the vibes of certainty. It invaded him like air inside his lungs.

After more than 12 years later from that step, he still felt the same way. It was good. No, it was beyond good. Not the city conditions precisely, but to trust and rely on someone and received foremost from that someone. What a lesson life had given him. No. Nezumi didn’t believe in destiny or faith, the lesson was given by no one else, but Shion. 

He still could only trust and rely only on Shion, and even if there was only one person to trust, Nezumi could also come with some more forgiveness about his past choices.

- Nezumi, mmh, why are you smiling so peacefully? 

Shion came out with bottles of what seemed to be grape juice, but it was wine; the cheapest kind. He couldn’t be entrusted to do that task because he would go in and buy the one already known. Shion only had alcohol at West Block, that particular day, next to Nezumi. None of them had money to waste, so they accepted Rikiga’s gift: the cheapest wine and also the only one that could be found on those God forgotten streets. 

Shion had opportunities to learn the names of other types and brands of alcohol at some fancy reunions he was invited to, but he didn’t try them. Not once. He wanted to preserve the flavor from the one that tasted like treasured memories.

- You’re starting to lose your sight sense. You are not getting any younger, Shion. You should go to the doctor to do a checkup.

- Hahaha. We are the same age, Nez-

- Whatever. Give me that bag, your doll prince hands will tear.

- I no longer have those hands. Don’t be silly, Nezumi. Better use your free hand to hold mine.

- Mngh… Gotcha, prince.

Shion found that abrupt answer: weird. It did not matter how pierced Nezumi’s tongue was, he would always let Shion speaks before giving a comeback. However, even if it was weird Nezumi was smiling so relaxed and he seemed to be lost in his thoughts. It had to mean he was letting himself be comfortable around the idea surrounding his mind. It was a good sign.

Nezumi still has a hard time putting his guard down, but he’s been able to do it lately, and that was what mattered… But still was an opportunity for Shion to tease him a little bit.

- Maybe you were thinking of me. 

- You think too highly of yourself.

- I’ve learned from the best.

- You’re a fast learner with theory, but not an accurate one with practice.

- Remember your words, Nezumi.

- I always do.

They arrived home.

A small mouse, black and fast, had given his welcome and earned a piece of bread… There was no way that tiny friend would let Shion or Nezumi step inside if they didn’t greet him with some treat first. Maybe that little mouse stayed next to Shion just to have a life free pass to try what Cravat always did when delivering the letters back on the days they lived at the bunker.

- You spoiled him. Such an obedient mouse turned into a brat at the hands of another brat. What a tragedy!

 Nezumi said and put everything in their kitchen while Shion took a bath. Later they just changed roles. 

“They were still in the happier stage of love. They were full of brave illusions, so that the communion of self with self seemed to be on a plane where no other human relations mattered”

“I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside of me there will always be the person I am tonight”.

- Tender is the night, F. Scott Fitzgerald

- Remind me again why are we reading this book? When we finish it, you will be crying like a little girl.

- I don’t care. I pretty much just like listening to you.

- What am I going to do with that cheesy mouth of yours?

- I have some ideas, but we can discuss them later when we go to bed.

- Mmnh, mmnh.

- … And I wanted you to listen to that quote.

- You still are an airhead, jeez. Shion, we’re not 16 anymore. Shion, you’ve changed. And so did I. We became more mature; more adult-like. But your naive essence remains the same… Pretty much. Quite impressive if you ask me.

- Hey! That was meant to be cute all the way.

Nezumi was absolutely teasing him, having his small revenge for a couple of hours ago. He was more than charmed by Shion’s idea to spend the night. And… the cheesy mouth had been cute all the way. Yes. Nezumi still has a hard time taking sweet actions, but he, at least, could acknowledge them. Specially when they came from his unique airhead: Shion.

With a smile on his face and his body stuffed with good humor, he filled two cups with the crimson liquor and gave one to Shion.

- Yeah, yeah. Look if you try to bite me just once, this wine will end up as your personal hair dye.

- This hair you love so much? 

- You’re right. Your pastel yellow pajama pants will be, then. Why do you have such a bad sense of fashion anyway?

- I don’t know, probably because I have no eyes for anything that is not you.

- For real, Shion? Are you trying to flirt with me that way? Tsk, tsk, it’s worse than Shakespeare.

- It still is the truth. 

- Hopeless.

- …ly in love.

- Oh, shut up! You’re scaring Tsukiyo.

Contrary to his words, the mouse was having a good time with a few more pieces of bread. Tsukiyo cheep cheep-ed and it sent the two boys into a burst of hysterical laughter.

They hadn’t even tasted the wine, and they were already having a good time. 

They wanted to remember something tasted and shared more than 12 years ago. Something that, at the time, brought them eases and some sort of comfort from everything that had been going on, and they succeeded. They succeeded at being two dorky teenagers when they deserved it. They teased each other, they fell on the floor and they laughed when life wasn’t being any good. By that time, alcohol was a small escape, more like an excuse because it was not the way to; kind of an accessory. By this time, as accessories just decor, wine was again unnecessary. It also turned out it wasn’t to their liking. The two cups just cooled down at the table when Nezumi thought of something that also made the two of them happy back on those days.

A dance.

With the widest smile, Nezumi took Shion and pulled him closer. Just like that day, Nezumi had a crave to feel Shion’s warmth against his. 

- Let’s see how much your Majesty has improved.

- …

Shion wanted to say he never danced again after that day, but once again, as it always happens, he got lost in the pair of grey eyes that looked deeply into him.

After so much time spent together, Shion could, at least, recognize his silly grin and react differently than just standing there thunderstruck and unable to move.

Their feet waltzed around. Nezumi’s movement was elegant and even more precise than when they were 16 years old, and something melted inside Shion’s heart.  “On his travels… he danced. There were times he was so carefree he would just… dance”.

Shion giggled and let the sudden twirls of his heart guided his steps. They had no music. The only rythm heard was their foot stepping here and there, Nezumi’s one, two, three, and Shion’s silly laughter.

- What is it, my stubborn child? Tell me so I can laugh with you. - It’s nothing, Nezumi. You’ve become better at this and I haven’t. That’s it. - I wouldn’t say that. I’m quite impressed by his Majesty’s performance. And Nezumi did start laughing at the unison with Shion. It was so easy to be together, so easy to enjoy their presences, to be gentle and kind to each other.

Nezumi’s heart was also melting while dancing. For similar, yet, somehow, different reasons. He was feeling some sort of happiness. There was still a long way for him to go through, but after so many years of hatred and guilt, he had slowly learned to move on from the darkness and let the light come into his life.

It was such a ridiculous way to explain it, but Nezumi couldn’t help it. Some things are just the way they are… and it was the most accurate way to express the process he accidentally went through on his travel.

He left for the sake of running away from a tumult of overwhelming feelings and as an unexpected consequence: he freed himself from chains that were holding him, blinding him and pining him down as some kind of martyr.

He wasn’t a martyr anymore. He deserved to make his own life choices and enjoy new experiences… He called it hope and hope brought him freedom.

Freedom brought him back to Shion.

Shion had also changed. At first glance, Shion would look like he had been sharpened by a knife, but then he would smile and make the whole world stop for a while. He turned calculative, strong, determined and even ambitious, but he was still the warm human being Nezumi met at 12 years old, he was still the warm human being who came back from hell.

Shion never lost his humanity. He found a meaning to this world while restructuring the city. A meaning he told Nezumi would rather keep to himself.

It was fine that way for Nezumi. But sometimes he would just wonder… or maybe he was just projecting his discoveries onto Shion: Shion also found freedom.

Maybe he wanted to experience all the shapes and shades of humanity that were attached to this lifetime. 

- Would you life to travel this time with me?

- I’d love to.

Maybe such an intense, expansive, and complex experience was a good starting point to approach all the variating tones of life. Nezumi once had a taste.

-… and I love you.

- Shion you keep on being so cheesy.

-…

- But I love you too.

And as Fitzgerald would agree, even if the way they loved each other had changed, changed or would change, they’ll remember that somewhere inside of them they would always be the same as they were when they met… when they saved each other’s life and when they drifted apart, and, of course, when reunion came.

[jellalism]

No. 6 fanfic: The eyes are the window to the soul

Anime: No. 6 Pairing: Nezumi x Shion Words: 1118 words Rating: I have no clue about rating, but sex is mentioned and the F-word is used. Read at own discretion. Synopsis: Shion decides that it’s time for him to come out of the closet. Side note: I know the synopsis is ridiculous, that’s the idea behind the fic. Don’t take this fic too seriously.

Read below, or read at FanFiction.net / AO3

Shion was walking home from the market, with a bag with food in his hand. It was raining – something he usually adored. He loved the way the rain spat on his face, the impact of the drops putting him in the here and now, making him feel alive. But more importantly, it reminded him of that stormy night, the night his life changed – for the worse, most people would say, but Shion had fond memories of that night despite its consequences – or because of them, he wasn’t sure. It was that night that Nezumi came through his window; into his house, into his mind, and into his memory.

But today he hardly noticed the rain. Walking with his face fixed on the ground – it was easy to trip over something in the West Block, where trash roamed the streets – he was lost in thought. That night, more than four years ago, Nezumi entered his house, his mind, and his memory. Especially his memory. He remembered what his best friend, Safu, had once said to him. “I want to have sex with you.” It had been a strange idea to him. Sure, he liked Safu, and certainly, biologically speaking, he could certainly have sex with her. She was attractive, and Shion was sure that together in bed, he – and especially his penis – would be very much aware of that. But, as he had been standing out there in the cold, with her words still hanging in the air, the idea of having sex with her just hadn’t been appealing to him. Back then, he hadn’t known exactly why. But now he understood. He had his eyes closed to her beauty, because his eyes were always searching for a pair of gray eyes that only existed in his memory.

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain at the back of his head, and a pebble fell to the ground. He swirled around, and there the perpetrator stood, grinning. “You really are an airhead,” Nezumi said.

“Maybe so. Was it really needed to throw a pebble at me, though?”

“Better a pebble on the back of your head than a knife. It is a mystery to me how you’re not dead in a ditch yet, the way you walk around with your head in the clouds.”

“Come on, “ Shion retorted. “It’s not that bad, is it?”

“Well, your highness,” he said as he made an elegant bow, “may I inform you that the route you have taken does not correspond to the route to your intended destination? Yes, Shion. Yes, it is that bad.”

Shion opened his mouth to reply, but shut it again as he realized he didn’t know what to say.

“Come on, let’s go home. I could use some food.” Nezumi said as he turned around and started walking in the opposite direction.

Shion had to jog for a bit to catch up with him. “It really does look like I’m useless without you.” he mumbled.

“Yep. It’s annoying as fuck. You really need to learn how to take care of yourself. I’m not going to be here for you all the time, you know?”

“Really? What a shame. I was starting to see you as Mom no. 2,” Shion replied. “You’re saying this won’t last?”

“Well, my son, as much as it pains my heart, someday you will spread your wings and fly from my safe nest. And on the day you do, you will need to be able to fly, because momma bird won’t be there to catch you.”

“Got it. I’ll try to be more vigilant from now on. Maybe even take the right way home.”

“Thanks,” Nezumi said with a disdainful, yet amused tone.

 ----------

After dinner – which was scarce yet very tasty – Shion decided that he needed to tell Nezumi what he had been thinking about, when he’d thrown that pebble at him.

“Nezumi,” Shion said.

“Yeah?” Nezumi replied, not looking up from the book he was reading.

Shion hesitated. What he was about to say, he hadn’t said out loud before to anyone – even to himself.

Nezumi looked up from his book. “What is it?”

“I… uhhh…” He looked down. He couldn’t look Nezumi in the eye. It was too difficult.

“Come on, say it,” Nezumi said impatiently. “You what? You had an ‘accident’? You got athlete’s foot? Just spit it out already.”

Shion looked up at Nezumi again and said: “I think I’m bisexual.” He watched Nezumi’s face closely for a response.

For a second, Nezumi was totally quiet, astonishment all over. Then he burst out laughing. “Don’t… Don’t…” he said, gasping for air. “Don’t throw water over me.” Then he continued laughing.

Shion stood watching uncomfortably. What kind of reaction was this?! He thought he was prepared for any reaction – anger, disbelief, acceptance, silence – but apparently there was a possibility he missed. Nezumi just kept laughing and laughing and laughing, nearly falling out of the chair he was sitting in. The book had already fallen out of his hands. After a minute or so, that seemed like forever to Shion, he settled down a bit.

“My God. What’s next? You’re gonna tell me you’re a virgin? Look Shion, some things are just obvious.” Shion wanted to reply, but Nezumi already continued. “I constantly give answer to your questions before you’ve even asked them, you’re that easy to read. Most of the time at least. I admit I didn’t think you thought it needed to spell your sexuality out for me like this.”

Shion sat down on the ground and let out a sigh, somewhat relieved. Though not particularly a nice response, Nezumi at least didn’t reply negatively. “Well, I just thought… I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to tell you what’s weighing on my mind.”

“Oh, dear, what an honor to be trusted with your deepest struggles. It’s not needed, though. To tell me about them.”

“Oh, I know. I just wanted to, because I feel close to you.” Shion said. He meant it. He hadn’t intended to say it, but it seemed that with relief flooding over him, his tongue couldn’t be stopped.

Surprise appeared on Nezumi’s face, before it disappeared a second later. “Your honesty remains surprising. When’s an outright confession coming?”

“Why, do you want one?”

“Don’t need one. I can just look at your eyes. As they say, ‘the eyes are the window to the soul’.”

Shion thought about that stormy night four years ago, the night Nezumi came through his window. How true that phrase was.

“Just this once,” Nezumi said. He walked to Shion, bent over, and kissed him on his forehead. Shion hoped it was a sign he was seen by Nezumi.

[no6secretsanta]

Those Soft Nights

To: @glorifiedscapegoat

From: @paintedpainting ~ Life in the West Block was cold and harsh, full of deprivation. Since escaping here, Shion had learned that each day was a harsh battle for survival, whether it was against the elements, the persistent hunger, or other people. But recently, there was one new problem to his roster that he did not expect: sleeplessness.

Shion tossed and turned in the bed that he shared with Nezumi. He knew that he ought to fall asleep with ease, especially after a day spent washing Inukashi’s dogs, an unexpectedly exhausting job. His muscles were tired, and his eyes were heavy. But no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t fall asleep. He wished he could just turn off his brain.

A couple of things were preventing him from falling asleep. First, he had gotten into an exciting series of novels from Nezumi’s collection. Reading them before bed was a surefire recipe for insomnia, and yet he was so engrossed in those novels that he couldn’t help but read them anyways. Nezumi had actually dragged him into bed tonight, threatening more painful measures if he kept the light on for a second longer. Second, Shion had discovered that Nezumi himself was actually quite a restless sleeper. Usually, Shion was the one to fall asleep first, only to be woken up by Nezumi’s relentless tossing and turning. Could another person’s insomnia be contagious?

Shion opened his eyes and saw through the darkness Nezumi’s long, soft black hair. He wished Nezumi didn’t sleep with his face turned away. Nezumi had such a pretty face, and he would give anything to be able to get just one more look at his elegant features.

Slowly, Shion inched in closer to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in the scent of his hair. It was such a good smell, the kind of scent that made his whole body feel warm and fuzzy. He felt that if he could bury his face into Nezumi’s hair, he would be able to sleep restfully the whole night. Would Nezumi let him do something like that?

Well, why not try it out?

Shion moved until he was close enough that their heads were almost touching. The heat of Nezumi’s body washed over him, providing him an intimate comfort that was pleasant beyond words. As he closed his eyes, he realized he longed for more touch, more warmth. All of a sudden, he felt the urge to wrap his arms around Nezumi’s sleeping figure. Of course, he knew that if he actually did that, he would probably receive a fist to the face. But when their bodies were already so close, he found it hard to resist the temptation.

Damn, he ought to be trying to sleep! Tomorrow was a big day. Winter was near, so he was planning on going to shop for some warm clothes in the city market.

The figure in front of him spun around and opened a pair of cold, steely eyes.

“What.” The eyes seemed to utter, and it took a moment for Shion to be broken out of his trance to realize that the owner of those eyes was, in fact, speaking to him.

“I…I was cold,” Shion said. “I wanted some of your heat.”

“I’m not your personal furnace. Give me some space, or I’m going to kick you out. You want to spend the rest of the night sleeping on the floor?”

“N-No. Sorry. The floor would be even colder.”

“That’s the point. Now, move it.”

Shion hesitantly drew back, his heart penetrated by the coldness of those eyes. Yet, he did not feel direct enmity from their glare. There was another feeling behind those eyes, a feeling that he found hard to put into words, because like the comfort that he felt from being close to Nezumi, from being by Nezumi’s side, it was something that grew out of conflict, out of contradictions, an emotion that flickered to life as bright as a candle and swiftly faded into darkness.

When he escaped from No. 6 to live with Nezumi in the West Block, he had wanted to learn about Nezumi’s world, his way of looking at things and people and all the sensations that made life colourful. He wanted to understand that deep conflict beneath those eyes.

In the quiet darkness that they shared in this bed at night, he wished for a deeper connection, a thread to link their hearts so that a bridge could be formed over the chasm that separated their existences.

“Are you going to go to sleep or what?” Nezumi spoke. “You’re still staring at me.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep tonight.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t feel sleepy at all right now.”

“Well, you better get to sleep, because you won’t have any energy for tomorrow if you’re going to be up all night.”

“But I can’t sleep.”

A flicker of annoyance. “What do you want me to do, then? I need to sleep. I’m going to kick you out of bed soon if you keep this up.”

“Nezumi, I’m…I’m sorry.” Shion turned his eyes away. “I won’t bother you anymore.”

Shion expected Nezumi to turn away from him, to face him with his back once more. It was just Nezumi’s characteristic coldness. But when seconds, then a minute, passed, and Nezumi was still looking at him, the gaze in his eyes softer than before, he was frankly at a loss for words. Those eyes were too pretty to ignore, so he gazed back at them. A warmth began kindling deep down in his belly.

“You reminded me of how I was when I was younger,” Nezumi said in a gentle voice. “Back then, I couldn’t sleep well either.”

Shion had not expected Nezumi to talk about his past at all. Nezumi had been so secretive about his own life in the months that they’d spent living together. He held his breath, hoping to hear more, even if it was a vain hope.

“It was before I moved to the West Block.”

Nezumi turned to lie on his back and placed his hands behind his head. Shion wanted to keep looking at his eyes, so he inched in closer, hoping that Nezumi wouldn’t notice.

Those deep grey eyes were filled with reminiscence, a quiet glow.

“I remember lying down in a bed of leaves,” Nezumi whispered. “Hunger and cold made my body so weary that I felt I would die if I fell asleep. I’d sink into the ground, disintegrate into the soil, become nutrients for the grass and the worms. But that’s the easy way out. I had to keep fighting. I had to survive.

“Those nights, I remember how my body ached from resting on the cold, uneven ground. Sleep didn’t come easy. Though my body was tired, my mind kept racing. My mind was always alert for danger. I knew that anyone could come and kill me while I was asleep. I had to be vigilant at all times.

"When sleep finally came, it was a dark, dreamless rest, full of nameless anxiety. I don’t think I’ll ever forget those nights. They happened right after…”

Nezumi cut himself off so suddenly that Shion knew he must be delving into some hidden memory filled with unspeakable cruelty. Even though he was naive, even though he didn’t know anything about the world, he knew that Nezumi’s past contained some things that would break his spirit if they were unburied. Memories could sometimes be the most painful things.

“But they weren’t all that bad.” Nezumi’s lips spread into a half smile. “Sleeping outside in the dead of winter has its pleasantries. If the skies were clear, you’d be able to see all the stars. Winter nights have the brightest skies. The stars would gleam like snowflakes about to fall. When I couldn’t sleep, I’d count them.”

Nezumi raised a finger and pointed at the ceiling. “One, two, three, four, five, six.” He circled the air, tracing shapes that Shion knew had to be meaningful, even if he couldn’t visualize what they were. “The stars kept me company. Stars have a voice. They can laugh, they can sing, they can dance. During the coldest nights in winter, when the world was silent, when I was all alone by myself, I’d hear their gentle song.

"It felt like an elegy to me, to humanity, our absurd struggles.” Nezumi pointed at the ceiling again. “A star for each of humanity’s six cities. One, two, three, four, five…six.” His voice became so soft that even up close, Shion could barely hear him.

“The sixth star shone with arrogant brightness.”

Suddenly, Nezumi laughed. A small and quiet laugh, tinged with bittersweet feelings. “Maybe those nights weren’t so bad, those nights where I could see the stars. They’d never felt quite so lonely.”

Shion tensed. “Nezumi, do you feel lonely now?”

The expression on Nezumi’s face grew into tepid annoyance. “What? Why would I feel lonely? I’ve got an airhead taking up space in my bed, keeping me up at night for so long that I’m barely going to get any sleep!”

“No, I mean…before I moved in here with you.”

“I…”

Nezumi did not say anymore. He remained quiet, staring apathetically at the ceiling.

Shion wondered how it must have felt to sleep outside on a winter night. In No. 6, that would have been unthinkable. Nobody would ever sacrifice the warmth and comfort of their own bed for a night out on the cold, hard ground in freezing temperatures. Also, because of the city’s light pollution, there would barely be any stars visible out at night anyways.

Since moving to the outskirts of the West Block, Shion had noticed that the clear skies at night were filled with stars. He couldn’t even count them all. Sometimes, he wished he could sit out on the lonely, lifeless plains and hear their quiet, twinkling songs.

No, he didn’t want to do that by himself. He wanted to stargaze with Nezumi by his side, Nezumi there to guide him to hear the voices of the stars.

“I think the nights here are beautiful,” Shion whispered.

Nezumi gazed at him, that conflicted expression in his eyes again. “Do you mean the night skies outside?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Why don’t you go outside and gaze at the stars, then? I’d like to get some sleep, thanks.”

“No, it’s okay. I think my nights here with you are beautiful, too.”

Nezumi’s expression grew completely deadpan. “Shion, are you serious?”

“What?”

“Your…linguistic expression still needs vast improvement. I thought you’d be better by now, after reading all those books!”

“I don’t get it.”

A frustrated sigh. “Go to sleep. I’m not talking with you anymore.”

“I…I can’t sleep, though. It’s so cold.”

“Fine. If you really want to, you can move closer to me. Don’t expect hugs or snuggles or anything. But if it’ll help you go to sleep, I’ll offer you some warmth…I guess.”

With a smile, Shion moved in close to Nezumi, close enough to breathe in his comforting scent. He really couldn’t get enough of it.

To his surprise, Nezumi placed an arm around his shoulder, pressing him in. They were close enough now that their faces were almost touching. Shion gazed into Nezumi’s eyes, drinking in their delicate light. Their tender glow suffused his heart with intimate warmth. He felt something blossoming from deep within himself, small silhouettes of things, like threads of starlight. Threads that just slightly bridged the voiceless abyss between their two worlds.

The darkness of the world made the light of those eyes all the brighter.

He gazed into those quiet grey eyes until they closed, until the stars of the winter night - one, two, three, four, five, six - six stars, fell, finishing their song, and the world settled into a quiet, gentle darkness. ~ Merry Christmas glorifiedscapegoat!

[nezumiismissing]

No.1-5: Utopia, Idealism, and the Holy City

Ok I’m back! I just started an Urban Studies-type degree at my new university, so you know I've been thinking about No.6, and as much as I would like to talk about meritocracy and the existence of economic inequalities in a state-run economy, I do still need to prioritize actual homework before writing about that stuff here. So instead I’m going to yell about No.1-5 for a (admittedly very long) minute. 

Other than the ending, one of the most significant differences between the anime and the novels is the fact that in the anime, we actually get an opportunity to see one of the other cities, and how different it is from No.6. There’s clearly a purpose in showing us this, mostly in demonstrating that the way things are in No.6 is not the way that the rest of the world has chosen to rebuild itself, and therefore solidifying the city’s position as distinctly not utopian. But given what we know about No.6 and it’s relations to the other cities, it seems somewhat unlikely that that interpretation of the situation is entirely accurate. That isn’t to say that the other cities are just as bad as No.6, but I don’t think the anime paints an entirely accurate picture either. 

What originally made me think about this in the first place is that fact that Safu was allowed to leave No.6 to go on exchange, because when you think about the logistics of that, it’s weird, right? This highly authoritarian city that hides basically everything from its citizens to the point that people who go against them or find things out about it are arrested and killed, is also apparently totally comfortable sending a young person to a completely different place where they may see that the world doesn’t have to function in that way. Now of course there are explanations for this decision if they believe that they have sufficiently brainwashed Safu into supporting the city, or assume that she doesn’t know anything about what happens there (which seems unlikely given her relationship to Shion). And No.6 seems entirely susceptible to those types of oversights, considering the entire situation that is Nezumi, but couldn’t it also be possible that the reason they are comfortable sending her on exchange is because they know that the other cities function in a similar way to them?

This is entirely speculation, but given the situation that led to the creation of the cities, and the fact that they are technically considered part of a single global nation, it doesn’t seem like too much of a stretch to think that there is (or at some point was) some kind of enforcement group that exists independently of the individual cities to make sure everyone is obeying the Babylon Treaty and working towards a genuinely ideal society. At the very least, we know that every city remains in regular contact with the others, and so some amount of shared knowledge of the cities exists somewhere, likely only among the most elite members of each government. The issues with and dystopian aspects of No.6 are obvious enough that anyone who came to visit or even had a general idea of the structure of the city would immediately realize that something was wrong, and I would hope that something would be done about it, but there is no evidence that something like that is happening, so we are left with only a few options:

For some reason the other cities genuinely do not know that anything is wrong with No.6 (unlikely considering that students are able to travel between the cities under certain circumstances)

The other cities are aware of at least some of the issues, but are unable or unwilling to take any action out of a desire to preserve their own utopian ideals or fear of No.6′s power

The other cities function similarly to No.6, and have each created their own authoritarian city-state, either as a way to “force” the creation of a utopian society, or out of a failure to create such a society (whether or not the other cities are aware of the others’ structure could probably go either way)

Option 2 presents some very interesting and plausible possibilities as to the nature of the other cities and the position they exist in in relation to No.6, but it still does not fully explain why Safu or any other students are allowed to leave No.6, and if the other cities are in fact utopian, or at least not dystopian, then there also has to be an explanation for how Yoming gets away with his embezzlement/money laundering scheme in Beyond.

Option 3, on the other hand, can more sufficiently (though not perfectly) explain both of these occurrences. In Safu’s case, if the other cities were similarly authoritarian or otherwise corrupt, then there is no danger of exposure to “dangerous” ideas by sending a student there, and it could instead even act as a show of approval and trust towards the other cities. Yoming’s case is a complicated one, but I believe he would be much more likely to be successful in his crime if the other cities had also been corrupted, and especially so if No.4′s government were willing to assist him or even give him something in return, such as power within their government or a political position that would involve both cities. The corruption of the other cities also ties well into the theme of the nonexistence of true utopias, which is fairly prevalent throughout the story, and serves to contexualize exactly how it was possible for No.6 to develop as it did with little to no intervention or questioning by the other cities or nongovernmental organizations. This option is also much more grounded in reality than the others, as societies throughout history that have claimed to desire some type of utopia or “ideal” society have turned to authoritarianism, violence, and isolationism, among other things, in order to control the population and give the illusion of comfort. Depending on your political ideology, you could even argue that these tactics are used by all societies and governments, or that they are a “necessary evil” to create the most positive outcome.

Real politics aside (as much as they can be, at least), within the context of the society created by the Babylon Treaty, and what we know of the cities themselves, it is highly unlikely that the reality of No.6 was entirely unknown. And due to the isolationist policies enacted by No.6, as well as the assumed distance between the cities, the risk of another conflict was low enough that their actions, to the extent that they were understood, were seen as acceptable despite going directly against the treaty. Does this mean that the other cities supported No.6′s actions, or were just as bad as No.6? Not necessarily. We are told repeatedly throughout the story that No.6 was far better off in terms of resources/geography than the other cities, which creates much more room for the exploitation of those resources, and its status as the “Holy City” actually puts it in the position of being a role model to the other cites, who because of their weaker resources may be in an earlier stage of development, and therefore still hold on to their utopian ideals. If this is the case, then it is likely that even if some of their actions, such as isolation and strict social hierarchies, were seen as acceptable by the other cities, the more brutal aspects of No.6 would still be seen as unnecessary and overstepping.

Ultimately we can’t ever really know what the other cities looked like, or why they allowed No.6 to exist as it did, but because of No.6′s failure to either create utopia or completely dominate its land and people, 1-5 are now forced to self-reflect and make a decision about their own ideals, and how they may have shifted away from the original intent of the treaty. And if they have been corrupted along with No.6, then they must return to one of the fundamental questions that drives the series: Is it possible to create a utopia, or is it only an ideal that can never truly be reached?