#shio's thoughts

[sirshio]

I promised you all a long essay on Cavendish and his autism, so here it is. But first, some notes.

Disclaimer number 1: there are headcanons about Cavendish's parents and childhood, but they logically connect to his behavior.

Disclaimer number 2: I'm an autistic person and this essay is about my own experience with this disorder. Though many traits are common for autistic people, it's possible you won't find your issues because I don't have them.

Disclaimer number 3: I'm not a therapist (not a professional one at least, just a huge fan of psychology and a child of a therapist), but I’m a person who deeply relates to Cavendish and wants to share this with fandom.

Disclaimer number 4: English isn't my first language, so sorry for possible mistakes and all this stuff, I’m doing my best.

Well, let's start with something small and not so noticeable and then move to things that are almost impossible not to see.

- his gestures. Not only that moment in "Smooth opera-tor", where he squishes a gummy bear (and Dakota said that he "hypnotized himself"), because I assume that this action is recognizable as pretty autistic without explanations.

Have you noticed how he holds his hands together (what is important, when he was young, too) or clenches them in fists? I'm not sure if these actions do have a name (a type of stimming probably), but I do the same pretty often and in completely different moods, I just like to FEEL my body and my skin, this is a soothing and nice feeling, and when I'm nervous, it helps to calm down a little (let's remember how in "First impressions" Cavendish entered Mr. Block's office).

Another gesture that is important to mention is when Professor Time called him by his name and Cavendish literally squealed and held his hands close to his cheeks (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”). Not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, so I decided to mention this scene too.

(Him touching and holding Dakota will be in another section, though it's somewhat about gestures too)

- his speech. Again, I have no idea if him using rare words (for example, the word “scrumptious”) is an autistic trait, but I like to do this, mostly because I have a special love for words and I like when my speech is as "bookish" as possible, and him quoting Shakespear “the game is afoot” makes me relate to him too, sometimes I like quoting authors from the past. Another thing that I find important is that Cavendish (unlike Dakota) looks like a well-mannered and polite guy, but sometimes it is Dakota who shows politeness and knows how to talk to people nicely. For example, in "The little engine that couldn't" Dakota uses some polite clichés in his conversation with Milo and confuses Cavendish who understands them literally. Or in “Field of screams” Dakota teaches Cavendish how to ask politely (in the scene with that man who believed in aliens). I think that these two examples show different autistic traits that I have too: understanding everything literally and being (slightly) confused about communicating with other people. Like, why should I ask politely? Why should I be nice to people I don't personally like?

- him listing places where Dakota should've put Time Grenade instead of a hollow pumpkin (in “Milo’s Halloween Scream-a-torium”). Again, I'm not sure if this is autistic, but I can relate, too. I love lists.

- his love for rules. As an autistic person, I like to read rules, to make rules (in the most pedantic way you can imagine) and to follow them (of course, literally) - but I follow only rules I understand and like. So I can relate to young Cavendish enjoying both reading rules for time vehicles and using them, but I can also relate to Cavendish who broke rules and wanted to steal some cool gadgets with Dakota (in “Abducting Murphy’s law”). He doesn't like these rules, that's why he easily disrespects them (and actually likes it). I still don't know why I love rules (and I know this is common for autistic people). Maybe because they help to make life predictable, maybe because they help me to behave "in a proper way" and to be accepted... or both at the same time.

- him talking to himself. Once again, I'm not sure if this is autistic or not, but I do this pretty often.

When I'm excited and/or anxious about doing something new, I often talk to myself, like: "Okay, Shio, let's get going, you can do it!" Remember "First impressions", a scene where young Cavendish sits in his student car and is very proud of himself? The same situation, I think.

- him being a Professor Time fanboy. Remember the scene where our gang visited Doofenshmirtz and Cavendish was so excited about seeing his idol (in “Phineas and Ferb effect”)? Above all, he mentioned he has underwear with Doofenshmirtz's image and offered to show them. Well, it was done as a joke, but this is something I can relate to. If I met my very special idol (I assume that Doof is that figure for Cavendish, he actually said that), I would want to share something personal about myself with them. Not my underwear, of course, but still.

- the way he acts and how he expresses emotions. I believe that's very popular among autistic people, that often it's very hard to suppress our emotions. There are more things that cause emotions (things that are just okay for others), we're somehow more emotional than other people (at least I am) and often don't think if this is appropriate to express these emotions right now. I was told to "act normal and quiet" A LOT of times throughout my entire life, and I only was being sincere with myself and my feelings. Let's look at Cavendish, his emotions and how he expresses them. At the beginning, he seems to be calm and well-mannered, but the more we see, the more we can understand that this is not true. He can pretend to be calm, and the way he does it makes me think that his parents had no idea (and didn't want to have this idea, to be honest) how to raise an autistic child. I'm sure that every time little Cavendish got emotional and was acting "inappropriate" (I say it once more, it's really common for autistic people), he was told to calm down and to be normal. That's why (maybe, but this is my headcanon) he pretends that he's super calm and "above all those sillies". But when he's either in a comfortable situation and feels safe and secure (with Dakota, naturally) or gets really emotional - or both - he lets himself be sincere. He exclaims in joy, he shakes Dakota or holds him close, he acts like a dedicated and overhyped fan (over Professor Time, I mentioned this before).

- him focusing on "wrong" things. Again, that happens with me really often. For example, in “School dance” Mr. Block tells these two to do their job because they have no proof Milo is a special agent, but all that Cavendish got from his speech is that he is allowed to find this proof, because this is what is interesting and important to him, which means he stopped listening after that. I can relate so much!

- his somehow childish behavior, especially in episodes with Dennis, his teddy bear. I found a great post by @heloflor . You SHOULD read it right now, before you end my essay.

Autistic people grow in another way, it's different from other people. In some areas of life we're more mature that other people of our age, and in some we're much more immature. I think this is because autistic children aren't allowed to have a childhood that they need. We're very uncomfortable (because the world is scary, there are loud noises, cars can kill you, being in a crowd is a life-threatening situation) and we can't even help ourselves or even express how afraid we are because This Is Inappropriate. Adults near us don't understand our special interests, they think getting stuck with them is a sign of developmental delay, that we're forever mentally infants. We even can't have our comfort objects that help us to live in this very scary world, because - let's repeat again - This Is Inappropriate. Heloflor wrote a really good post about Cavendish's comfort object, please go and read what he thinks about it!

So, to sum up: Cavendish is not childish, he tries his best to deal with his life, he hasn't really had a childhood and tries to fulfill what he needs now.

Before I'll continue with my analysis of Cavendish's autistic traits, I want to talk about his (pretty low) self-esteem. Of course, it's connected to his mental disability, but it is not the same. As we can see, Cavendish needs praise from someone, he needs to be told that he’s done something right, he can't understand it by himself. He and Dakota saved the world? He can't accept that he did good without praise from Mr. Block. What is also important is how he reacts when someone scolds him (in “Time out” there was a scene where where Cavendish lost a vial of strange liquid that caused rat mutation and Brick scolds him). Just look at him at this moment, he is like a child when his parents are angry at him.

This all makes clear that in his childhood his parents weren't happy with his behavior and never told him anything good about him. If a person can't value themselves, this means their parents didn't value them, didn't love them for who they are (or didn't show this love enough and properly). I believe that it is very difficult for Cavendish to understand that he can be loved because he is, well, Cavendish (NO SHIO PLEASE DON'T QUOTE DAKOTA NO).

When someone has a really low self-esteem, but at the same time has somebody who loves him (as a partner, as a friend, as a relative…), there are several ways to act about that (they may mix). First is to do everything for this person, to become a perfect friend/partner/child/etc. Because only when you're perfect, you deserve love. Always to be by their side, always to understand their feelings (without them telling how they feel), always to share their interests. And I mean always, like, really always. Second is to do something not nice on purpose, something that will annoy this person or make them sad, just to show them that you're NOT nice and do NOT deserve love. (I believe there are more ways, but I know only these two). And I think Cavendish chooses the second way in “Abducting Murphy’s law”, where he loses his temper when Dakota doesn’t believe him.

This whole episode (“Look at this ship”) is another important thing about Cavendish and his autism. First, it seems that Dakota is the closest and the most important person for Cavendish, he believes him, he feels comfortable with him, he feels that Dakota understands him and his special needs (just look at this post about a teddy bear), so it's natural that Cavendish expects Dakota to believe him that he saw an alien ship, but Dakota doesn't, and it's when Cavendish gets emotional and throws a tantrum. I don't excuse him, but I can relate. When someone that is so precious and dear to me, who always understands me, suddenly doesn't believe me, I feel hurt and not needed, I want to leave this person, I think that they are better off without me. And I think that is exactly what happened to Cavendish. Of course Dakota didn't deserve that (in fact, he said that he believes in Cavendish's belief, what means he respects him even without fully understanding), but again, Cavendish’s reaction is normal for someone like him. I believe that his parents never really cared about his needs, his emotions and so on, so Dakota who does this became the most important person. This makes his disbelief even more hurtful. And in addition, Cavendish already was very upset because of them being fired and treated clearly not as he wanted. All this make his emotional condition really bad, and Dakota's words were the last straw.

Second, the alien ship itself is for me a big metaphor for autism. There's something that is important to us (be it a sensor overload, a special need etc.) that other people don't see and don't understand. And some (a lot of) people will never understand, no matter how hard we try to explain. Sometimes it's devastating, sometimes we begin to fear that there's really nothing, sometimes we stop believing ourselves (a scene where Cavendish tries to prove that there's an invisible ship and jumps on it, but at this exact moment there is really no ship). Why didn't he just take Dakota to this thing? Because he already hadn’t believed him, and this is enough. Cavendish tries to get validation from some “experts” (journalists), but all that is in vain.

In addition, I think it is really important that this ship is alien (and not just invisible). Because for other people we are like aliens. We don't understand your rules, your emotions, your culture, we act strange and inappropriate, we are weird… And often you just think we imagined all this, that we are weird or crazy. We don't exist, like aliens.

One more thing before I end this pretty lengthy essay. I'm so glad that in this series people with mental disabilities and issues (like Cavendish) don't look like cute little orphans from a sweet holly story who are so easy to be compassionate with. No, sometimes they are selfish jerks and it's difficult to build a relationship with them. And I think this is really, really important. We are not “quirky and adorkable cuties”, we are people who are often difficult to be with. And it is difficult to be us.

Phew, this is a long essay. I hope I haven’t forgotten anything important! But if you think I have, please feel free to reblog and add :) And I hope you liked what I’ve written.

I wasn't planning to get emotional, but I clearly failed, because Cavendish is so special to me.

P.S. my Tumblr app is crazy, it doesn't allow me to make a post with actual screenshots, that's why I took photos of a screen instead :( sorry for inconvenience.

[sirshio]

I feel I should add my personal story. When I was in middle school (so I was ca. 12-14 y.o.), I've read a small article about this person in my English textbook (note: English isn't my native language). Obviously dr. James Barry was called a "woman", but I clearly remember how excited I was, because "Wow, a woman can really become a man!". I didn't believe that all that was "only to become a doctor", because I genuinely believed that it is pretty normal and common for a girl/woman to want to become a man. And yes, years later I realized I am in fact transmasc.

I believe he would be happy if he knew that his story had an impact on a teenager transmasc even despite his story misgendered him. So, censorship isn't working, you see.

theres so few trans men in the past because theyre all fucking buried as women😐

[violettierre]

My haitani father Shio headcanon is just a bit too funny cuz of how well it works that it sounds like a waste of perfect canon idea and crossover for both of wakui's works.

Aside from the obvious physical features very very obvious, identical eyes, nose, blonde eyebrows, rindou's face form, ran's hair color palette and (arguably) bonten hair style, blah blah i mean just look a the pictures below, you can also bring up any fact from either manga and add it to the hc and it fits in just SO WELL, i'll give the first example, The Haitanis are very obviously rich spoiled kids like have you seen their apartment? They have a fucking dj set, only rich kids with neglective powerful parents will have no problem paying for that, just saying, and even though i love him let's be real Shio is the type to be that parent, i mean cmon he's rich like crazy rich (filthy yakuza money yum yum) he tots would give his children WAY more than enough allowance so they can leave him alone, also the way they act, i've always the Haitanis were the type of kids that think they own the school cuz their dad is rich .

Nvm if this never becomes canon or both universes don't collide, it's just so entertaining to keep connecting the dots that were likely never there, like how Rindou is a heavy drinker cuz his father drank alot with the rest of the Yotsurugis and he tried to imitate him from a young age that it became an unhealthy habit or if you want to add more drama he only drinks cuz he looks up to his father but Shio favors Ran cuz he can posssibly succeed him (canon power complex) so Rindou resorted to drinking cuz it's the only thing like his dad that he can do. Heck yeah i made it angsty!!!

You can also add great context to his fear of Yakuza, picture this, when he was a kid he got up in the middle of night after hearing a loud noise to search for his parents and witnessed Shio (canon Yakuza) pew pew-ing some poeple and surrounded with scary men, that probably scarred him for life that he was so terrified when Kakucho got them interfering with some, OH OH something just came to mind, if he's the son of a yakuza yeah he didn't wanna clash with other yakuza families cuz it can end in a blood shed and risk his and his family's lives.

And i'm gonna add this one not very small detail and i swear i'll shut up (for now), i know it's just a stupid headcanon that is very far from becoming reality and i don't have to take it this deep but hear me out, why their last name is Haitani and not Yotsurugi like their dad, Shio is powerful and have many enemies right ? So he simply decided to protect his children and their identity by giving them another last name likely their mother's (yk like minato with naruto style plan ?) So Haitani is actually their mom's family name. I rest my case. Thank you for coming to my useless ted talk.

[iris-nonsense]

They should fuck after this

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

cough cough..... So ya know Shio 👀

Soooo I'm doing something..... and I'm a bit feral as we speak 🛐

[sirshio]

This is exactly how I met my wonderful bff @takofukkatsumi!

It was a beginning of 2013, I found a ficwriter who wrote such a good smutty het and followed her to read other fics. I met an user "Tako Fukkatsumi" in comments on one of her fics and thought: "Oh, this girl seems to be nice! I should see her profile!". She wasn't a ficwriter, but was a beta reader, and I needed one for my own fic ("Black paper moon", I love you with all my heart), so I decided to DM this Tako and ask her to be my beta reader. What is hilarious is that I didn't want to be friends with her, I just wanted a "writer & editor" relationship.

Well, this summer will be an 11th anniversary of our friendship ♡

I love my Tako with all my heart and soul, she is a friend I could only dream about. I don't understand why I deserve to be her friend, but I am and always will be so so grateful for this.

#dirty minds worldwide

[vinnigami]

doodle your favorite demon :0

I have too many ‘favorite demons’ to choose (Amanozako, Norn, Fionn mac Cumhaill, Kushinada-Hime, Bai Suzhen, and way too many more..) but i’ve been on an smt angels kick as of late. So I just drew Virtue

[vibescornerr]

omg its them

[littleholmes]

How could you kill him like it was nothing?! We’re all human beings! Why didn’t you face him like one? Why didn’t you face me and our siblings too? All this fighting over who’s gonna be boss…it’s just a petty squabble between brothers, right?! How naive.

He’s so cold and unfeeling about it too, he hasn’t made a facial expression this whole time. Get him Hibaru👏🏾

[sirshio]

Really thank you, anon!

I remember I read "Catcher in the rye" when I was a teenager (13-15 y.o.). I didn't like this book and Holden himself, I saw him as a whiny, moody and edgy guy. But recently I start to think I wasn't right and I actually wasn't mature enough to understand this story.

I'm autistic (what caused a bunch of mental issues) with OCD, a person who dealed with several rather heavy depressive episodes. So what is most important in this post is the fact that traumas and mental illnesses and/or disabilities can (and often do!) make people with them to be "difficult to pity", to act selfish or just unpleasant for others. This isn't about "funny and actually cute quirky personality", it's about how our issues make OUR lives sad and hard, it's about it may be difficult both for you and us to have relationships with us. So if anon is right about Holden (I guess they are, this post isn't a first opinion on him), it's very important for all of us to have such a character.

Deadass Holden Caulfield should be eliminated. Like he's traumatized by the death of his brother which led to depression. He has not received treatment for his depression and trauma at this point in his life. The author wrote Holden based on his own experience with depression and trauma. The overwhelming majority of complaints about him are directly related to his undiagnosed depression and untreated trauma. Yall (not directed at you specifically) need to stop calling people who need serious mental health "insufferable" just because it's not fun lol quirky mental illness.

.

[fluentisonus]

JMW Turner, Whalers Boiling Blubber

Chalk and watercolor on paper, (c. 1845)

[sirshio]

I can understand homophobic people (once more, understand =/= support or accept). I can understand people who don't mind irl homosexual relationships but don't like fictional when they aren't (explicitly) canon. I can understand people who are just very heteronormative (I was among them when I was a teen).

But I can't understand people who think Dakota and Cavendish have zero chemistry and are boring and similar to each other. Even if a person isn't into homosexual pairings, it's literally IMPOSSIBLE to not to see their deep friendship and that they are the closest and dearest people to each other. Dakota sacrificed dozens and dozens of his alternative versions to just keep Cavendish alive, Cavendish broke every rule for Dakota and canceled the future where they are not together.

They are boring and similar to each other? I beg your pardon. They both have absolutely different personalities, traits, issues and coping mechanisms. Cavendish is insecure, needs to be told he is worthy, he clearly has autism that causes problems with relationships (with Dakota especially). Dakota has ADHD (and a special interest in animals) and PTSD (which he denies to just stay sane), he has a healthy relationship with himself and a healthy self-esteem too, it's easy to see that he had trustworthy relationships with parents/siblings/other family/friends in his childhood - he is perfectly able to be in a deep relationship even with a person who has a lot of issues (like Cavendish).

If a person don't see all this, they either are an idiot or they didn't watch series properly.

[shioaoi]

Something that has been nagging at me since 4x03 is the parameters which the curse seems to operate.

Because it has only ever activated when they have kissed, or come close to kissing.

As an Asexual - watching Nancy and Ace just instantly give up and not try to work around the curse just feels almost insulting.

I get some people need physical intimacy, but the way this curse seems to only activate when it comes to physical acts makes its seem that love on exists when there is physical intimacy.

What made Nace so great was their relationship was never about that physical intimacy, it was always about being there for eachother emotionally. It's why I fell in love with these two because it was a relationship built on trust, care and pure support - the physical aspect was always a secondary thing.

So both of them just, not trying to be together without the physical intimacy just feels out of character and just boils their relationship down to - well we can't be intimate guess this relationship is a bust. It's such a teen drama way of looking at relationships and I thought this show was above that.

Us Asexuals have so little rep as it is, and just seeing this ship that was so beautiful because it was more than the need for physical affection just be destroyed by its apparent need for it hurts my soul.

[ladygwyndolin]

in case you haven't seen them yet, i've been making AMVs for each new Linkin Park single as it's released! You can check them out on youtube!

My AMV for The Emptiness Machine is a character study of Satou Matsuzaka from Happy Sugar Life because I thought some of the lyrics could fit her well. Warning for disturbing/upsetting content.

My AMV for Heavy Is The Crown is a much simpler affair and a classic tradition with a yuri twist! I went with a Hellsing Ultimate AMV about Seras and Integra being total badasses...and also kinda gay with it not gonna lie

There will be more once the album drops! Stay tuned!

[obstinaterixatrix]

When they're on their sugar-sweet dates, Akari's always dressed to the nines in the cutest, trendiest fashion... meanwhile, her dear Shiho always looks like she just rolled out of bed. Despite their differences, both of them are alike in exactly one thing - they want their girl friend to be the happiest woman in the world!

happy femslash february here’s a two volume manga that is ENTIRELY no stakes established relationship fluff. it’s very cute and I like the art. even though it’s 99% fluff, it can sometimes have a very… reflective atmosphere at times; at one point akari’s talking to an elderly woman whose friend(/partner) of 40 years passed away, which is pretty heavy, but it’s never tonally dissonant from the mundane vibes. whatever happens in the series, the vibes really are solidly mundane—It’s Just Life. there isn’t a focus on plot or development. look at these gals who are dating

[violettierre]

Shut your pirate flag mouth, that should've been my line.