#shinji: if i ignore her maybe she will go away

[laylanatorseventeen]

evangelion was just about what happens when you pit an unstoppable force (Asuka's histrionic personality disorder) against an immovable object (Shinji's avoidant personality disorder).

Also aliens and a deeply traumatized homonculus are there.

[holyhadesimweird]

shinigami bebop

masterlist

pairing : shinji hirako x fem!reader

summary : shinji's favourite jazz bar is packed tonight and he has no choice but to sit next to you, the owner's sister. shinji hopes to see you again after tonight.

word count : 1.0k

requested by : @veeepawoon

request/prompt : Maybe something with Shinji?🙏For example him listening to some music/going into a jazz club and meeting the reader?

note : thank you for the request!! i've been wanting to write for shinji but haven't been able to find a concrete idea i wanted to write for until i saw this. also i kinda ignore shinigami stuff in this fic. not necessarily that it doesn't exist in this universe, but it isn't focused on.

༶┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈୨♡୧┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈⋇⊶⊰✿⊱⊷⋇┈༶

the sun was starting to set as shinji made his way into town. in about an hour, the jazz bar he started frequenting about a year ago would be starting it's nightly jazz set.

unfortunately for him and fortunately for his good friend, the bar owner, it had gained popularity recently after a celebrity had visited it about a month ago.

shinji wished it would go back to being his secret place once the popularity died down. but his wishes wouldn't be answered tonight as it looked to be the busiest it's ever been. there was a line out the door and what seemed to be security at the entrance. shinji assumed it wouldn't be a permanent arrangement and went into the queue.

when he got to the door and met with security, he handed them his id and waited for approval before entering. once inside he could see the stage and the band that was preparing for the performance that would start soon. making his way to the bar to order a drink, he saw the face of the owner, a woman who called herself 'honey', light up at the sight of him. laughing excitedly and running over, honey ran out from behind the bar and engulfed shinji in a hug.

"shinji! how are you?! it's so busy, isn't this amazing?!" she exclaimed.

"it is amazin', congratulations! i hope for your sake it stays busy." he told her. "but where am i supposed to sit?"

"oh my god! i don't have enough seats for everyone here." honey gasped. "oh but my sister is by herself tonight, do you mind sharing a seat with her? she's real sweet and she has the best seat in the building."

"if your sister doesn't mind, i'd love to sit with her. i want to listen to my favourite band. comfortably, and not standing the entire time." he replied.

"let me go ask her, i'll be right back." the woman told him. "asuke! get this man whatever he drink he wants, it's on the house!" honey yelled at the bar before walking away.

a few minutes later, shinji was sipping on a light lager when he saw honey walking towards him, her hand holding another person's hand as she lead them towards shinji.

the woman honey was with, was beautiful. her hair was pulled back into an elegant messy bun, the dress she wore hugged her curves perfectly, and the shy smile she wore on her lips was stunning. shinji was hypnotized.

"shinji, i'd like you to meet my sister, (y/n). (y/n), i'd like you to meet shinji." honey introduced the two of you.

taking the hand you extended into his, your expression turned to one of shock when he bent over to kiss your hand instead of shaking it.

"it's a pleasure to meet you (y/n). i hope you don't mind me intruding on the best seat in the building." shinji said, straightening out.

"of course not, anything for a friend of honey's." you replied, a light smile on your lips.

"well you two, i think the show's going to start in a minute, get back to your seats, i'll get someone to check in on you soon." honey said, walking back towards to bar.

"well, lead the way beautiful." shinji encouraged, taking your hand again. he was pretty sure his words and the hand holding were causing you to blush and you turned to lead him away before he could see if he was right.

he was being a lot bolder today than he normally would and was hoping it was paying off.

you lead him upstairs and into a private area just above everyone else that gave a perfect view of the band. just as you two sat down, the band started their set.

two songs into their set, a waitress came upstairs and took your orders. after you handed the waitress the drink menu you were looking at, you went to take a peak at shinji who was already looking at you. when he saw you look at him, his lips pulled back into a wide grin causing you to raise an eyebrow at him and tilt your head to the side, questioning him silently.

"i saw your nose crinkle when i said i wanted a dark lager for my second drink. you don't like dark lagers?" shinji questioned, teasing you.

"i do not like dark lagers, they're disgusting, they're so gross." you said, sticking out your tongue in disgust. this caused shinji to laugh at you.

you two continued talking quietly throughout the band's performance and continued talking when the next band came on. there were moments of silent between each other when you'd enjoy the music. you closed your eyes and focused on the music and when you opened your eyes, you saw shinji staring at you with a smile on his face. eventually, you wanted to head home and shinji offered to walk you home with the approval of your sister.

you two enjoyed walking and talking, your hands joined together as you swayed your arms. once you made it back to your place, you asked shinji to stay in the entrance while you searched for something. he wasn't quite sure what you needed to search for while he was here, but he took the opportunity try and look around at what he could see of your apartment.

"aha!" he heard you cheer, making him turn to try and see you again.

eventually you stepped back into view with a smile on your lips and a pen in your hand. making your way to him, you leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek before saying that you needed to head to bed and that you hoped he had a good time tonight. shinji understood that it was a request for him to head out, and he replied that he hoped you enjoyed your night as well.

starting his walk back home, shinji stuffs his hands in his pockets and feels the distinct feeling of a piece of paper he hadn't placed there and pulls it out to observe it.

"call me ~(y/n)" the note read, with a phone number below your name.

shinji wondered how early was too early to call you as he recalled the evening you two had, the kiss you placed on his cheek and stared at the piece of paper in his hand.

[still-breathing-au-p3r]

Akihiko returns to the lounge, hairbrush and painkillers in hand, to find that Shinji has not put the hat back on (it had been a fifty-fifty shot whether Shinji would listen or if he’d feel compelled to be a contrary ass on principle). He dozed off in the handful of minutes Akihiko had been upstairs, still sitting up with his cheek propped against his fist.

From this vantage point, the light from the television makes him look monochrome, like a character from one of those old ‘classic’ films Shinji and Mitsuru enjoy but that had never been of much interest to Akihiko.

Shinji shifts and grimaces in his half-slumber, and Akihiko realizes with a start that he’s been standing in the same place just looking at Shinji for several minutes now. Shaking his head at himself, he makes a detour to the kitchen before returning to Shinji’s side and nudging him awake. He passes over the pills and the bottle of water he’d grabbed from the fridge, watching as Shinji carefully swallows them one at a time and steadfastly ignoring the way Shinji glowers at him for his (as Shinji would put it) fussing.

If the TV light was nostalgic, then the feeling that settles over Akihiko’s shoulders as he starts pulling the brush through Shinji’s hair is– he doesn’t quite have the words for it. He can almost feel the smaller body he used to inhabit superimposed over him, going through the exact same motions. He can almost, almost feel an even smaller body warm against his back– Miki leaning the entirety of her negligible weight on him, silently demanding to be given a turn with the brush.

It’s funny– he didn’t feel this way when he’d brushed Shinji’s hair just a couple of months ago. That moment in September feels as far away right now as any of his memories of Miki. What has him feeling so unmoored from the present, he wonders? Maybe it’s the yawning uncertainty of their future after tonight. Maybe he’s just exhausted.

Most likely it’s both.

Shinji’s hair is clean, but it’s even more of a mess than Akihiko had realized, so it’s slow going. He tries not to tug too aggressively through the snarl, even though Shinji’s never been especially tender headed.

As he works, he watches the slope of Shinji’s shoulders deepen, his spine bowing loosely forward as he begins, once again, to drift off. 

Until Akihiko’s phone buzzes and Shinji nearly leaps out of his skin.

“That Kirijo?” Instantly alert, he asks the question before Akihiko can get the phone out of his pocket, let alone read the message.

Akihiko frowns at the screen. It isn’t Mitsuru. It’s not even anything worth reading.

“Spam. I guess that’s what I get for ordering from that shady television program.”

“Yeah it is.”

Akihiko scoffs like he can only hear the derision in Shinji’s voice and not the antsy concern hidden underneath. Then he sighs, because who are either of them fooling. He sets the phone aside on the coffee table and picks the brush back up. “I’ll tell you as soon as I hear from her.”

“...I’ve never seen her like that,” Shinji murmurs after a long pause. He must have come to the same conclusion Akihiko had, because he’s no longer bothering to pretend he’s not worried.

Akihiko closes his eyes briefly, and tries to will away the memory of her despair. “I haven’t either. The only time– the closest I ever saw was…”

“That night, right?” Shinji doesn’t need to spell out which night he means.

���She kept her head together pretty well until the next day, actually.” Akihiko works the brush’s bristles into a particularly dense tangle, hoping to start teasing it apart from the center outward. “It was when, um. When they told us just how bad it was. That you might not ever wake up.”

Shinji whips around to look at him so abruptly that the brush, still embedded in the knot he’d been working on, is yanked right out of Akihiko’s grip.

…So maybe Shinji should have spelled himself out, since evidently they weren’t as on the same page as they’d thought. But even so– why does Shinji look this surprised?

“Are you serious?”

Akihiko stops mid-reach for the brush and stares. Is he serious?

“Shinji, why would I lie about that?”

Shinji doesn’t have an answer, apparently.

Does he really think like that? Does the idea that Mitsuru would fear for him, that the prospect of losing him would be as devastating to her as it is to Akihiko, really seem so far-fetched to him?

The fact that Shinji sees so little of his own worth has long been a point of confused frustration for Akihiko– but to project that disregard onto Mitsuru? A hard, cold weight settles in Akihiko’s chest that he can’t reconcile as being either anger or sorrow.

Is it because Mitsuru hadn’t chased him all around Port Island the way Akihiko had? Shinji should know better than that, should know that simply isn’t how Mitsuru does things.

How should he explain this? He feels like he shouldn’t have to, but he knows from experience that getting Shinji to understand is a better use of his time than just fuming over the fact that he doesn’t get it on his own.

“I– I don’t know if she’d ever tell you this herself… She might not want me to tell you either, but… I think you deserve to know.” Akihiko speaks slowly, pauses often, his hands stilling between brushstrokes as he weighs out his words. “She always wanted to reach out to you like I did after you left. But– I think she was nervous. She didn’t know if you’d even want to talk to her, or see her.”

“…Back then, I prob’ly wouldn’t have wanted to see her, no. I already had you annoying me every chance you got. Last thing I needed was twice as much of that crap.”

Akihiko snorts softly. Shinji is lying through his teeth, and he’s not even making a token effort to pretend otherwise. But Akihiko doesn’t call him out on it. “Well. The point I’m making is: she missed you. A lot.” He gives Shinji’s good shoulder a gentle prod. “Asshole.”

“If you say so.” Shinji’s tone is doubtful, dismissive. The drop of good humor that Akihiko had managed to reclaim evaporates in an instant. The lump in his chest is definitely mostly anger now.

“Why is that so hard for you to believe?” He tries to make the question sound like a joke, but his failure is downright miserable. Bitterness and sadness and even a little disappointment (which Shinji will take offense to most of all, he’s sure) color his tone unmistakably. “She cares about you. She cares about you, Shinji. You know that, right?”

Silence and a subtle extra tension throughout Shinji’s frame are the only answers he receives.

Akihiko grits his teeth. “If she didn’t care, why would she visit you in the hospital whenever she had time? Or go out of her way to make the time, even when you weren’t awake yet? Why would she help you with your makeup work?”

“‘Cause she’s nosy and always needs to butt in when people suck at school.”

Akihiko rolls his eyes. “Yeah, because the Student Council President has that kind of free time to tutor someone whenever they ask. Or don’t ask, in your case. She helps random people catch up on two semesters of school work all the time. Do you know how stupid you sound right now?”

“You sure seem happy to tell me.”

“Shinji, would she have cried on you if she didn’t like you even a little? If she didn’t trust you?”

“I was the only person in arms’ reach, Aki.”

“Oh my god.” Aki throws his hands up in surrender. The brush once again stays trapped in Shinji’s hair. “You’re impossible.”

“I don’t wanna hear that from you of all people.”

Akihiko exhales harshly through his nose, and the two of them lapse into terse silence for a while. He returns to his work with the brush, measuring out the strokes with patience and deliberation, keeping them gentle and even. He tries to match his breathing to that same rhythm and settle his churning thoughts.

He only has any real luck with the breathing exercises.

“I’m not–” Shinji eventually mutters. “It’s not like I’m tryin’ to accuse her of not caring or anything like that. I just…don’t get it.”

“Shinji…”

“Aki I am beggin’ you– can we talk about literally anything else? Please?”

Akihiko sighs. If Shinji’s breaking out the social niceties with him, he knows it’s serious. “Let me say one more thing and then I’ll drop it, I swear.”

Shinji doesn’t answer, and Akihiko knows that not being rebuffed is as close to being given permission as he’s going to get. “Answer me this: if it’d been Junpei closest to her, do you really think Mitsuru would’ve done what she did with you?” No offense to Junpei of course.

“...Can’t really picture anyone crying on Junpei’s shoulder, to be honest.”

It’s a weak joke and an even weaker deflection. For all intents and purposes, Shinji is conceding his point, and Akihiko could just let it lie. Maybe he even should. For some reason he can’t.

“If it was Arisato, then? Or Takeba, or Yamagishi?”

“Okay Aki, I get it.”

Akihiko really isn’t sure if he does, but he drops the subject like he should have three questions ago.

Silence returns, and Akihiko continues to methodically work through the disorder. The one-two punch of adrenaline from the false alarm text message and their argument that had reanimated Shinji begins to ebb, and Shinji ebbs along with it. He droops degree by degree, his breath slowing down and deepening. 

Even once Akihiko has undone all of the knots he can find and the brush glides smooth and uninterrupted, he keeps running it through until he’s absolutely certain that Shinji is well and truly asleep and not just drifting again.

He sets the brush aside and eases Shinji down into a recline. At the last second he realizes that there’s nothing to support Shinji’s head– his coat might work as a makeshift pillow, but he’d have to fold it first and he doesn’t think he can prop Shinji back upright without waking him. As a temporary measure, Akihiko ends up resting Shinji’s head on his leg.

He folds up the coat as planned, but once that’s done, it sits perched on his other knee, forgotten.

“I really don’t get it, you know?” Akihiko murmurs, quietly enough that even a light sleeper like Shinji wouldn’t be woken by it. “I don’t understand how you can’t see how much you matter to people. To me, to Mitsuru… Everyone else, too.”

With a last sigh, Akihiko gently sweeps hair from Shinji’s forehead. “What am I going to do with you?” 

There isn’t so much as a flutter of his eyelids in response. His expression is placid, serene. His features are at once softened by sleep and sharpened by the light from the television– the tension he habitually carries in his brow and the corners of his mouth has been, for the moment, smoothed away; while shadow boldly outlines his cheekbone, the hard edge of his jaw, the ridge of his nose.

The effect is striking. The effect is…attractive. Shinji is, even without the compelling lighting. Akihiko is reminded once again of those old black and white movies, or the illustrations in Miki’s favorite book of fairy tales– the one she’d cajoled him and Shinji into reading to her so often that in the end it had been held together by tape and prayers, and he can remember the pictures with perfect clarity even after all this time.

Shinji wouldn’t look out of place at all in one of those pen-and-ink drawings. Akihiko can picture him there so clearly: not as a prince (which he’d hate the idea of anyway, Akihiko is sure), but perhaps a heroic woodcutter or fisherman. The thought brings a soft smile to Akihiko’s face, but it quickly wilts.

He’s had a long time to mull over what he feels ever since their second awakenings, and his– moment of weakness. He’s had even longer to grapple with what had happened with Mitsuru in July, and what it made him realize. He’d been hoping that the end of the Dark Hour would mean he had time to do something with all of those feelings; or at least figure out what, if anything, he even wanted to do with them.

But acting on any of it just isn’t an option anymore. When it comes to Shinji, the last thing Akihiko wants is to risk disturbing what they already have, or worse– to drive Shinji away again. Not when Akihiko and Mitsuru need him more than ever. And as for Mitsuru…

She has far more important things to worry about. He can’t make himself into yet another of Mitsuru’s problems. He won’t do that to her.

So he’ll hold the same pattern he has been, and he’ll focus on what actually matters.

But…one more moment of weakness won’t hurt, right?

He’s allowed his fingertips to linger at Shinji’s temple, and he allows them now to stray back into his hair, tucking it behind his ear.

And he allows himself, for the very first time, just for right now, to really appreciate how handsome Shinji is. He can go back to pretending he hasn’t noticed tomorrow.

He never does end up moving to the other couch. He falls asleep where he sits, Shinji’s head in his lap and his hair threaded through Akihiko’s fingers.

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 04

"We have to use fourteen-year-olds to pilot the Evas. And we have to make rainbow scans of their skinny little butts! The future of mankind depends on it!"

This episode, Shinji runs away from home. Or maybe he's going back to wherever he lived before he came to Tokyo-3, so he's running away to home? He's running away is the point here.

Misato isn't very surprised to discover this, but she's still frustrated. Then Shinji's classmates, Suzuhara and the other guy... I was gonna look him up but I looked up Suzuhara and just got spoiled so fuck that. We're calling him Big Rigg Mahoney now. Yeah, Suzuhara's taller, but I don't care. We're going with it.

Anyway, Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney show up at Misato's apartment because they haven't seen Shinji at school for days. Suzuhara wants to apologize for punching Shinji in Episode 3. He only did it because he blamed Shinji for fighting the Angel so close to the city, which got his sister hospitalized, but his sister chewed him out for this, and he and Big Rigg Mahoney got a first-hand look at what it's like for Shinji when he's piloting that Eva. That's his motivation, Big Rigg Mahoney's mostly involved because he likes war movies and likes playing soldier, and he's fascinated by the Evas, NERV Agency, etc.

They did not expect a grown woman to be living in Shinji's apartment, so they hand her his assignments from school and leave, but now they think Shinji is even cooler, because he's a badass pilot and he's living with a hot babe.

Let me get this out of the way: I did find this episode much more enjoyable than the last one. I had a good feeling about it, since the next-episode preview promised that Shinji would run away, which was encouraging because at least Shinji would have to make a conscious decision and act upon it, like some sort of fictional character might do. But then it occurred to me that maybe Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney might have kidnapped Shinji and told him to run away, in a misguided attempt to help him. And Shinji would be like "hai!" and go AWOL simply because someone told him to. That would suck, so when these two show up early in the episode and they have no idea where he went either, it was very reassuring.

Not that it's too much of a change for Shinji. He's off on his own, but he's still mopey and dead inside. He rides the subway all the way to the end of the line, listening to his playlist of "Track 25" and "Track 26" over and over again the whole way. Then he realizes he has to "go back". I'm not sure what that means, but I assume he's talking about going back to Tokyo-3, since he doesn't seem to have a destination in mind. And yet, he's in no hurry, stopping off at a movie theater that's running some sort of film festival of Second Impact documentaries.

He watches a couple making out in the theater. I don't know if he's envious or fascinated or disgusted, or he just doesn't know what else to do.

Meanwhile, Misato discusses Shinji's disappearance with Ritsuko. We flash back to the aftermath of the battle in Episode 3. Misato had ordered Shinji to retreat before his Eva ran out of power, but Shinji went gonzo and killed the Angel instead. She scolded him for ignoring her orders, but he acted cavalier about it, reminding her that they won, so it doesn't really matter. She warned him that his attitude will only get him killed, and he replied that his attitude doesn't matter, because he's the only one who can pilot the Eva. It's either Shinji or Rei (who's still injured), or nobody, so they might as well let Shinji fuck around and find out. If he gets himself killed they're no worse off than if he doesn't pilot the Eva at all.

In hindsight, Misato is kind of relieved he's gone, because at least this way he won't bring this fatalistic mentality onto the battlefield. The disconnect here is that she's some sort of career soldier, with loyalties and duties and causes to respect. Shinji got drafted last month, and he doesn't want to do this and he's only participating because he's the indispensible man. But Shinji hates himself, so if he gets killed through incompetence, it's no better or worse than winning every battle, or abandoning his post. It's all the same to him, he's got nothing to gain or lose here.

Meanwhile, Shinji happens upon Big Rigg Mahoney, who's playing soldier out in the middle of nowhere. He's got a uniform and a tent and everything. When he spots Shinji he invites him over for whatever he's cooking, and they hang out. See, this is nice. Shinji took matters into his own hands, and now he's hanging out with his friend, Big Rigg Mahoney.

Finally, a bunch of goons from NERV show up and take Shinji into custody. The next day, Suzuhara is upset to hear the Big Rigg Mahoney let them take Shinji without a fight, but come on, man. Big Rigg Mahoney didn't get this far in life without learning to know when to fight and when to take it easy.

Back at the base, Shinji expects Misato to scold him, but she doesn't. She just asks him if he enjoyed his time away, and he says he doesn't know. Classic Shinji. They continue their argument from before. He doesn't want to pilot the Eva because he sucks at it and it's scary and painful, but he doesn't think it's right to leave it all up to Rei and the others. Misato tells him that has nothing to do with it. If he's only forcing himself to go along with this, then he'll never be in the right mindset to do any good as an Eva pilot. Better if he just calls it quits now and forgets he ever got involved.

Meanwhile, Shinji's dad could not give a shit less whether Shinji leaves or not. He's already figuring out what to do when he's gone. If Shinji won't pilot Eva Unit 01, then they'll just reconfigure it for Rei. Apparently that's a thing they can do now. I thought each pilot had their own specific Eva Unit they were bonded to, but I guess not. According to this conversation, Rei was injured while piloting Unit 00, but it wasn't in combat. They were just running experiments on Unit 00 to get it working, and there must have been an accident.

So some of this is becoming clearer. We still don't know why only certain teenagers can pilot the Evas, but we do know that there are others besides Rei and Shinji. They just haven't located very many candidates, so it's not like Shinji is completely irreplaceable. And Rei is recovering, so there's that. And Shinji can resign whenever he wants. He only got arrested last night because he left without resigning. Today, he's decided to go through with it, and NERV doesn't seem sorry to see him go. Shinji asks if he can say farewell to Misato, but they're like "You quit, so you're not authorized to see her." At this point all NERV cares about is escorting him off their base.

Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney do show up to see him off, though. Suzuhara finally apologizes to Shinji for punching him, and insists that Shinji punch him back to restore his honor. Shinji reluctantly agrees, and at first he kind of holds back, but then Suzuhara tells him to hit like he means it, and he does. See, this is nice.

Shinji apologizes for leaving Tokyo-3 in a lurch, but the boys are used to classmates moving out, and they know how hard it is for Shinji to pilot the Eva, so they don't blame him for quitting. Suzuhara promises to beat up anyone who doesn't respect Shinji's decision to leave.

Finally the NERV goons decide it's time for him to go to the train station, but he pulls away just long enough to tell Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney that he has been cowardly and weak after all. It's like he's having second thoughts about the whole thing.

Back at the base, Misato mulls the whole thing over, and it finally hits her that this is how Shinji expresses his feelings. He runs away and waits for someone to care that he's gone. Realizing this, she rushes to the train station to see him, but she sees the train pull out just as she arrives. For a second she thinks she was too late, but then when the train is gone...

They see each other on either side of the tracks. Shinji couldn't go through with leaving, I suppose because Suzuhara and Big Rigg Mahoney were enough to make him question his decision. But now he looks up and sees Misato cared about him too, and that puts him over the hump.

Then Shinji declares that he's home, and Misato replies "Welcome home." And that's a beautiful moment. Everything kind of came together. Now I'm starting to see what the fuss is about here.

I stand by my criticism of Episode 3, though. I don't think they needed four episodes of this show to get to this moment. Two episodes, maybe. They could have ditched all those scenes of Shinji staring at Misato's beer cans in Episode 2, and trimmed a lot of fat from Episode 3. Suzuhara could have found out about Shinji being an Eva pilot some other way before the episode started, instead of that long scene in the classroom.

Still, we're here. Shinji has decided that he actually cares about Tokyo-3 and its people, and he wants to pilot the Eva to protect his home, not just because someone else told him to do it. We'll see how well that goes, but it's a big step forward.

Also, the next episode preview shows Rei looking healthy and doing things, so that seems like a big improvement too. Everything's coming up Milhouse!

[tuliharja]

Five comfort characters, five tags

Thank you so much for tagging me @unohanadaydreams!

The timing of this tag game wouldn't have come in more ironic timing than it did, since just recently my one friend asked me about my own comfort characters. To be honest, I think when I move to a new fandom, my comfort character changes along the way. Though, at times I notice myself going back to certain fandoms and reading about certain characters or ships, so maybe those in a way comfort me. But then I read about other people's answers, which made me realize the definition of comfort character differs from person to person. Yes, there are some similarities, and even in some cases, the definition can vary between characters. It's all about how one views and handles them. So, I've tried to make my own list with explanations of why these characters are my comfort characters (which was very hard. Not just because of the explanations, but also just listing only five of them!)

Tomoyo-hime (from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle). Probably my oldest blorbo. Writing her is extremely easy for me. Not to mention she reminds me of all the good and pure things in the whole world with that glint of mischievousness. Just thinking about her calmness and beautiful smile soothes me. Not to mention she is the other part of my ultimate OTP, so when I talk/write about her, I can talk about my OTP. (And oh boy. I have a lot to say/write about them! And things concerning them and around them.) She is just extremely comfortable to me.

Yoruichi Shihoin (from BLEACH). When you don't know what to draw, either draw Tomoyo or Yoruichi, my brain whispers to me when I'm stuck on which anime/manga woman to draw. Yoruichi is extremely easy for me to draw. Not to mention there is just something in her character that draws my attention in art-wise. I really like to both draw Yoruichi and look at the art of her. It brings me a sense of serenity and makes me want to draw something cool or amazing. She is a very great character. I also like the fact the manga didn't reveal everything about her, so there is room to write about her if I so want. Not to mention she is a very layered character underneath her cattish attitude. But to me, she is mostly my art blorbo.

Shinji Hirako (from BLEACH). This feels very random, even to me. But after I mulled over this matter a good while, I realized Shinji is my comfort character. Each time when I've been away from Bleach fandom and I want to read a Bleach fic, I unconsciously start to look for fics where is Shinji. There is just something about the piano teeth man who brings me a sense of security, despite the fact he is a goofy mess. Not to mention he is an extremely layered character, which makes him just a delicious character to read about. (Sadly, I still can't read fics where he and Hiyori appear as main characters as usual in such fics their slang/dialect is so strong, I get lost in translation...)

Furina (From Genshin Impact). One of my newer blorbos. I can't help but just feel most about her. Even before the big revelation about her, everything about her made me root for her and feel this kinship that is very hard for me to explain. More so, after the big revelation about her. There is something about Furina that brightens my day and makes me feel reassured. Especially when I think how she can mess up badly or be a bundle of anxiety, yet still keeps going on despite her many failures and faults. Not to mention she is a very complex and pretty character. I definitely want to make art about her at some point~.

Lucifer Morningstar (from Lucifer). My newest, shiny blorbo. I must admit I'm not sure why he is my blorbo. The fact he is such a layered character? The fact he looks drop-dead gorgeous? He has more issues than one can count with two hands, yet still chooses to ignore that all? The huge angst potential? The fact despite the fact he can (and will) act like an absolute a-hole yet is the sweetest thing ever? Or he knows how to live, but can still be very insightful and all that more? Haha, I don't know, but I sure do know underneath that wild party animal, he is the most lovable guy ever and that's magnetic. Plus, he is what he is and is (mostly) unapologetic about it.

Honorable mentions: Juushiro Ukitake (Bleach), Tobirama Senju (Naruto), Madara Uchiha (Naruto), Thrawn (Star Wars, Penelope Eckhart (Villains Are Destined to Die), and Riruka Dokugamine (Bleach).

Tagging (with no pressure): @officerjennie, @callmeasyouwantidk, @jkrobertson, @the-con-she-called-conscience and @lemongrass-and-cedarwood.

[kawaiipsycho101]

Inspired by the wonderful cat!Shinji AU created by @jo-gakky

I'm taking a walk when I notice a cat hanging upside down in a tree. It doesn't seem to be particularly bothered by its current position, as if this was something they were regularly used to. Still, I want to be sure.

"You okay there, buddy?" I ask. The cat looks at me at me before calmy & gracefully untangling itself from the branch. I let out a sigh of relief. "Okay, then."

I get a closer look at the cat as it hops onto a fencepost. Gangly limbs, white paws, & a nub of a tail meaning the poor thing must've been in an accident at some point...at least, I hope it was an accident.

"Funny lookin' thing, ain'tchya?" The cat, who had been ignoring me whilst grooming itself, suddenly gets up & disappears into someone's backyard. "I meant unique! Unique!" I droop when it doesn't come back.

I see it again a few days later & take a few steps towards it while still keeping my distance.

“Hey," I wave, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier. That was rude of me. If it makes ya feel any better, I still think you're cute. I like unique lookin' cats. Anyway, we cool?"

The cat meows at me.

"I'm taking that as a yes."

Later that evening, I spot the cat around my backyard. Wasting no time, I grab some cat food.

"Hello again." Like before, I approach with caution. "I had some food lyin' around & thought you might like some." I set the small dish on the ground. "It's probably not as good as what you'd find in the wild, but I know it's gettin' cold out & I figure it's better than nothin', ya know?"

The cat just looks at me. With a tired sigh, I take a few steps back & sit down.

"Well, if you don't eat it, maybe the raccoons will, I don't care... Just don't want it to go to waste, ya know?"

We stare at each other for a while before I eventually go back inside. When I check the food dish the next morning, most of the kibble's been eaten. I refill it.

A few days later, I spot the cat eating out of the dish.

"Mind if I join you?" I sit down not too far from them when I'm ignored. "Thanks."

I watch them eat for a bit... Then I start talking.

"I miss seein' cats around here. My neighbor had a bunch & would feed the strays, but when she moved away, they just stopped comin' around. Of course, I had my own cat to worry about." I hug my knees to my chest. "Not anymore though, she passed away not too long ago. Had her for over twenty years... Since I was a little kid. She was a bitch & a psycho, & it took ten years for her to warm up to me...but she was a damn good cat. I miss her." I tilt my head back, so any potential tears can go right back into their ducts. "It's weird...not seein' her outside my room or on my bed when I wake up. It's..." I shake my head & stand back up, turning to head back inside. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be botherin' ya while you eat. I'll leave ya to it-"

Something jumps onto my back before clawing its way onto my shoulder. I'm not proud of the noises I make.

Next thing I know, a golden furry flank is pressed against my cheek as the little bastard purrs right in my ear.

"Look-ow!-sweetie, while I really appreciate the-shit!-lovin', I really need you to-fuck me, that smarts!- get down now."

By the time the cat's off of me, I've gained many scratches & while they hurt like a bitch, I can't help but laugh as it scampers away looking far too pleased with itself.

After that, it's always underfoot whenever I go on walks, leading me to christen them with the title, Lil' Shit, a badge they seem to wear with pride. I don't mind...much. I'm just happy to have a furry friend again.

A few weeks later, I wake up in the middle of the night with hunger pangs. I toss & turn, try to wait them out, but they won't go away. Resigned, I go to the kitchen for a granola bar.

What I find is a nearly six-foot-tall shirtless young man in sweatpants with cat ears & a tail that are most certainly attached to his body raiding my refrigerator. We stare at each other for a solid minute before I slump onto the lid of my garbage can.

"...Huh."

@jo-gakky

[blasphemousgoggles]

Canceled Date

Warning: Alcohol Abuse, Depression

Notes: Nothing explicit happens, sorta mentioned though. No kissing occurs.

Glancing across from you, you can see that Misato had opened another can of beer. Her clothes were wrinkled and one of her sleeves loosened off her shoulder. Misato leaned back and took a large swig of her beer. You cringe and look down, the fact that her liver is still working is a miracle.

“Um Misato not to be rude but, don’t you think you’ve had a bit too much?” Frowning you continue, “You should probably take a break.” Honestly you couldn’t care less about people's bad habits but after seeing your housemate consume at minimum, ten beers a day, it became a little too concerning. 

She rolled her eyes and set the can down on the table and complained very exaggeratedly, “Aww, don’t be such a bummer!” giggles scrape out of her mouth, “This is what makes life worth living!”

You just frown at her and glance down at the food on the table. You were both sharing dinner, which is TV dinners that Misato pulled out of the fridge.  It's not that TV dinners are bad per se, it's just when you have it so frequently you end up feeling gross, though Shinji and Asuka don’t complain about it anymore. Speaking of them, they were currently out, so no one could really back up your point.

“If you say so.” Deciding to ignore it for now you just continue to eat. 

Misato picks up the can again and finishes it in one drink. Like Shinji and Asuka, Misato doesn’t cope well with her problems. Shinji frequently tries to run away from his problems or he just shuts himself away from the world, Asuka takes it out on other people, but in your honest to God opinion Misato copes the worst. She drinks away all of her problems in beer, trying to drown her vulnerabilities, and from what you’ve heard from Ritsuko about her relationship with Kaji…well it could be worse you suppose.

“Anything new with you?” She asks, you look up from your meal, “Ah nothing really, just work. You?”

“Same here.” She sighs, “At least there hasn’t been another Angel sighting.” Nodding you add “Yeah it has been pretty peaceful as of late.”

Once again it goes into an awkward silence, there isn’t much you can talk about other than work, yet you still try.

“Oh! Weren’t you going to go out with Mr. Kaji today?” She paused and stared at you barrenly. Welp you screwed up, who would have thought that maybe you shouldn’t bring up someone's possible boyfriend. Better yet you already know that Misato may have a love life unlike you, but her taste in men is atrocious. Even you have better taste in men! …and women but that's not the point.

“He canceled.” You wince “Oh- uh-  sorry to hear that. My bad.” You should really stop trying to talk to people; it never works. Misato cracks open another beer, chugs then giggles.

She smiles then she sighs and looks down “It's fine don’t worry about it, it's not your fault anyway.”

She then looks up and makes eye contact “What about you, Are ya seeing anyone yet?”

Internally dying, you grin “Nope! Probably not going to happen anytime soon yet unfortunately” You pick at your food, quickly changing the person of interest to someone else “What about Ritsuko I haven't heard much about hers?” 

Your ego is very bruised, easily you can make fun of yourself for it but when someone else brings it up, you can’t help but feel a little disheartened. Even more so right now since currently the object of your affection is asking you who is in fact obviously dating someone else. And likely doesn’t even like girls.

She gives a razor sharp grin “Why? Are you interested?”

Sputtering you quickly clear the air “No- I was only- only curious.” Somehow her grin got wider and she gave a bark of laughter, while her laugh chimed like broken glass, there was something oddly melodic about it. 

Too soon her laughter died off and her smile turned bittersweet. She looked rather solemnly at you which made this dinner feel a bit more morose. In all fairness, Misato never looks happy, she looks more like an imitation of someone going through the motions of happiness. You suppose when she drinks she’s at her happiest. The point is, she has never looked at you like that, she has made that expression at Shinji, Ritsuko, and even Kaji but not you. It’s starting to feel like you shouldn’t have stayed for dinner and instead you should’ve gone out with Shinji and Asuka.

“Kaji canceled on me today.” you frown at that, you had already talked about this.

“I'm aware.”

Misato looks at you intensely. “I’m glad you’re here with me. I really…I was hoping- Sorry. I can’t figure out how to say this. Silly huh.”

She smiles at you again but this time she actually smiles at you. This feels very wrong for some reason.

“I really didn’t want to be alone tonight.”

“Oh. Me too… I guess.” You really don’t know what to say to that. 

Misato looks at you rather expectantly …with a hint of something else. This can’t end well.

“I'm glad that he canceled. I just- I…” Misato keeps cutting herself off. Instead of continuing she crawls towards you. 

Oh no.

Breathlessly she states a fact that you couldn’t bear to hear right now. “You’re lonely.” She pauses, “I’m so alone.” She crawls closer to you.

You try to stand up to avoid the inevitable but she’s already too close. She grabs both of your hands, kneeling by your legs to do so. 

“We have- no- We will always be alone.” She looks at you with twisted hope.

“But we can be alone together.”

She tries to lean in but you stop her. She’s way too drunk for that, and you have standards.

“That’s not a good idea.” You sigh, “You will end up regretting it in the morning.”

As much as you love her, care about her, and even idolize her…having an intimate relationship with her would only damage her and you further.

“Kaji wasn’t there.” She looks at you desperately now, “You were.” You can clearly tell this isn’t about a canceled date anymore. Maybe it partially is, Misato’s ramblings seem to be spurred on by a multitude of things. While it is true that you stuck by her even at her worst, and even worse moments… you refuse to take advantage of this situation like that. Your crush on Misato isn’t fleeting but whatever she feels for you currently is.

She only cares for you because you won’t leave.

She moves one of her hands off of yours to cusp your face.

“I just need someone good for me.”

Tactfully you move your hand out of hers and move it to her face to push her a little further away from you.

“You wouldn’t be good for me though.” This got her to pause. Misato likely thought that because you had a crush on her you would be willing to… do whatever this was meant to be.

You continue, “As far as I’m concerned, you’re dating Kaji and I am not going to be involved in that.” Misato looks like she was about to speak so you quickly go on. “Kaji may not be the best but he at least cares about you, don’t forget you did a lot of unpleasant stuff towards him as well. Did you forget that he’s also my friend?” While you could easily make fun of who Misato is dating because it's Kaji, that doesn't mean he was a bad person. You’re fairly certain for whatever the reason he had to cancel was reasonable. Both Misato and Kaji did a lot of stupid things during their relationship so both of them should be blamed instead of Misato attempting to push all the fault on him. 

“But I thought you-” Misato looks confused, you understand why.

“Yes I like you, but I know you well enough to know that being in a relationship with you is a bad idea.”

You stand up and walk to the kitchen and grab a cup. “I don’t appreciate you using my feelings towards you so that you can comfort yourself.” You fill the glass with sink water. “You’ve done this before but you either remember or choose not to.” Walking back to the living room you place the glass in front of her. “I can’t blame you though, it would be stupid to blame you when you're drunk all the time.”

Glancing over her form, it looks like she’s about to cry.

“What’s sad is that I would’ve said yes if you weren’t dating him.” You feel really pathetic saying that to her. You walk to your bedroom door and look back one more time.

Misato is refusing to look at you. You sigh.

“Regarding what you said earlier, you’re not alone. You still have Ritsuko and Shinji. Try calling them, I’m going to bed. Goodnight.”

You close the door. You can hear her cry outside.

[ramblingkat]

Another snippet. Thank you for all the likes and reblogs of the others. They encourage me~

It had been one thing after another, and he was ready to go back to bed before midday even happened.

Then Yoruichi made it worse.

She stormed in, something unusual for the former captain to do, dragging Kisuke in behind her. In his soul, Sakanade stirred, attracted as always to the blood scent Kisuke carried. All the hollowfied zanpakuto were attracted to the scent of old blood and power that Kisuke carried.

Then Shinji sat up as he realized that Kisuke smelled of fresh blood.

He looked the other over with narrowed eyes, senses sharpening as his hollow rose up slightly. They could hear the catch on the man’s breathing, the smell of blood slightly stronger with each exhale.

“What the fuck did ya do?” he asked, words sharp as he spoke, normal drawl missing.

Yoruichi tossed a handful of blood stained flowers on Shinji’s desk, and Shinji stopped breathing for a moment.

Kisuke was calm, and Shinji envied the man for the ability to hide his reactions so well. Because only shock kept Shinji still. For a moment.

Then he reached out and picked up one blood soaked flower petal.

“This is an epic amount of ignoring,” he said slowly. “I swear to fuck, Kisuke, your soulmate had better be Aizen, or I’m gonna be furiously angry.”

“It isn’t,” Yoruichi said, tone tight with her own fury. “I just didn’t know this idiot hadn’t bothered to let his other half know for, what, five years now?”

Kisuke just hummed. “Some tea, maybe?” he said in a hopeful tone. Shinji knew his mouth must taste of blood.

But even speaking seemed to trigger off a coughing fit, and Shinji winced at the thick, clogged, choking coughs as Kisuke forced out another mouthful of bloodied flower petals.

“At least five years,” Shinji said, looking at the bloody mass in Kisuke’s hand. “It takes that long for an unacknowledged soul bond to reach the point of blooming flowers in the lungs.”

Something they all knew. Shinji also knew that Kisuke must have been in near constant pain for the previous year. And building up to that since he first saw his soul mark on another person.

“He’s too young,” Kisuke said calmly, even as he burned the petals with a wordless kido. “I was waiting until he was of an age that his father can’t cause issues.”

“Isshin wouldn’t,” Yoruichi frowned, and Shinji’s head snapped to her. Then he looked at Kisuke with shock.

“Ichigo? Really?”

Kisuke sighed, taking the clean cloth Shinji pulled from his desk to wipe away the blood on his lips. “I think Isshin has been highly over invested in Ichigo and Orihime becoming a couple. He and Masaki never had a bond, other than the one I gave them. So he never really thought much of them.” Kisuke shook his head. “If he thought Ichigo was with me because of the soul mark, he’d try even harder to shove Ichigo at Orihime. And since Ichigo is still under eighteen….”

He sighed, shaking his head. “And as much as I adore Ichigo, subtly is not part of his nature. When Isshin eventually found out, it would eventually come out that it’s due to matching soul marks.”

“So you plan on suffering until Ichigo is old enough?” Shinji asked drily.

“At least until Ichigo is old enough Isshin can’t call the cops on me if this turns out to be a romantic bond,” Kisuke said cheerfully. “Not that Ichigo seems inclined towards me, or anyone else, at the moment. There is no rush. This won’t kill me, after all.”

“I might,” muttered Yoruichi and Shinji at the same time, and shared a look of sympathy with each other.

[medea10]

My Review of Flowers of Evil

How did I get into this anime? Because Flowers of Evil is something no one says, “Oh I want to see that, this looks like a masterpiece”! Oh, I was well familiar with the rotoscope nightmare stories from this and hoped to God my randomizer wouldn’t curse me with watching Flowers of Evil. I was however intrigued to learn that there was a yandere in this anime that’s on Yuno Gasai AND Shion Sonozaki levels. But intrigue can only get me so far when you spend 13 episodes watching…

THIS!

No this is not an exaggeration. Everyone has this kind of cringe face throughout the entire anime series. Be afraid children.

So the story is about this guy named Takao Kasuga. He loves to read and he loves the class smarty-pants Nanako Saeki. He doesn’t just love her, he sees her as his muse and his Venus and all that bullshit. But this is an admiration from afar. Pretty sure Saeki doesn’t even know he exists! One day, Kasuga forgets his book in his classroom. And on the ground, he notices a gym bag that belongs to Saeki. Oh come on, he’s not gonna go down the perverted route and steal a girl’s gym…

So he steals Saeki’s gym uniform. And surprise, one person knew what happened. The class loner, Nakamura! She forces Kasuga to form a contract with her. It wasn’t written or anything, just verbal. However, that doesn’t stop Nakamura from forcing Kasuga to do whatever she wants. But does Nakamura really like Kasuga or is she just into torturing this shit-faced pervert?

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: You know, I’m too thrown off by the animation here that it has temporarily paralyzed me from catching voices or even giving a damn. I’m familiar with only two of the cast mates and the rest is literally my first time hearing it. Okay, I have one comment here. I often forget Mariya Ise could do some damn-ass scary characters like Nakamura. And when she does those murderous screams, forget about it! Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Kasuga is played by Shinichirou Ueda

*Saeki is played by Yoko Hikasa (known for Bea on Pokemon Journeys, Rias on High School DxD, Mio on K-ON!, Hina on Domestic Girlfriend, Kirigiri on Danganronpa, Frieda on Attack on Titan, and Diana on Little Witch Academia)

*Nakamura is played by Mariya Ise (known for Bonnie on Pokemon XY, Levy on Fairy Tail, Ray on The Promised Neverland, Stocking on Panty & Stocking, Mika on Durarara, Dorothy on Black Clover, and Yuuko on Yuri on Ice)

SHIPPING: Oh please, anime Gods, do not turn this into another School Days fiasco. I find myself praying for this a lot these days. But in this anime’s case, please do not go down that route!

So, it was clear from episode one that Kasuga had a crush on Saeki. But this got very perverted very fast when he stole her gym clothes and that lead to the contract with Nakamura. Now is Nakamura romantically invested in Kasuga or is she just a crazy bitch. Let’s chalk this up to a 50-50 split here.

It wasn’t until the fourth episode where Kasuga and Saeki actually spoke to each other. And one episode later, they go on a date and end up in a relationship. One has to wonder if Kasuga would have one day acted on his own and ask Saeki out. All of this happened because he was being forced by that psychopath Nakamura. She tortured this kid and forced him to do so many unethical things. Stripping him naked and putting Saeki’s uniform on him for one! Who does that? So would Kasuga have done these sporadic actions if Nakamura wasn’t in the picture? After he stole that uniform, anything is possible. Now here’s the crazy shit here, Saeki loves Kasuga and she doesn’t care that he stole her gym uniform and did fuck-knows-what with it. She’s mad that Kasuga hid it, but still loves him.

Girl, the fuck is wrong with you?! You must be some special kind of crazy!

By the end of this series, you do see a shift in Kasuga and who he wants to chase after. Saeki or Nakamura?! Let’s just say that during a running away scene, Kasuga was going to go home with Saeki until he saw Nakamura and he chases after her. That’s a pretty good sign that Kasuga has switched gears on who he likes. I won’t delve any further than that as the anime only gives us so much and the rest of this love turmoil between these three characters is covered only in the manga. Probably a sign I should read the manga!

LOOOOOONG NO DIALOGUE MOMENTS: Dude, I know you’re trying to set the mood for certain moments, but I think you can dial it back a bit. This complaint isn’t just what happened at the beginning of episode 9; it took forever to get the main gist of this story in the very first episode. I had no idea what the main premise of the story was until the last five minutes of the first episode when Kasuga stole Saeki’s gym uniform.

Now I’m not knocking serious moments where there is no dialogue between characters for a long period of time and we just watch the animation of them walking or doing something. Hell, Neon Genesis Evangelion had famous scenes like that. But the elevator scene didn’t last six fucking minutes. Neither did the scene where Shinji kills Kaowru. In episode 9, we watch Nakamura and Kasuga walking from the school to home and watch the whole walk after destroying the classroom. I guarantee you, you could leave this episode running, fix yourself a bowl of cereal and toast, eat it up, go to the bathroom to have a good yank, then finish it off with watching a Che Guevara documentary…and Nakamura and Kasuga would still be walking home! I’m exaggerating and I don’t care. I feel like being an asshole here.

OH DEAR GOD, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!: Very rarely will I ever look at an opening or ending theme song in literal fear. In fact, the last one to be so morbid was with Attack on Titan’s second season ending. I mean, the imagery alone should tell you that this is full of spoilers and possessed by the devil itself. Now that I think about it, that’s still undefeated. But Flowers of Evil’s ending theme is a close fucking second. Have you heard this thing? It sounds like Bjork singing in Japanese, synthesized, while a cat walks on a keyboard and having a seizure at the same time. Thank God there are no actual visuals for this other than the flower featured on Kasuga’s book. I don’t think we can handle anymore animation from this nightmare fuel.

ENDING: The writing is on the wall!

And the floor, the ceiling…that classroom is just a fucking mess!

Kasuga’s one bad deed led to another and another in a domino effect. And instead of a little devil on his shoulder, he has a classmate that’s a sociopath. Kasuga has guilt about hiding so much from Saeki in this relationship and he wants to tell her everything he did. Nakamura says, “Nah, you’re going to write it all over the classroom and let the whole world know what a piece of shit you are”. Let’s just say Nakamura and Kasuga went overboard and completely destroyed their classroom. Kasuga gets a bit of a lucky break as the other vandalism covered up his name on the chalkboard confession. But two people have caught onto Kasuga’s crime, Saeki and Kasuga’s mother.

Saeki put two and two together when she noticed the ink smearing on the ground resembled the flower art work on Kasuga’s book “Flowers of Evil” and her stolen gym uniform was placed right there. As for Kasuga’s mother, she put two and two together when she heard what happened to his classroom and noticed Kasuga’s behavior and dirty clothes from the night of the crime. Won’t be long before everyone knows what Kasuga did.

What now, shit-face?

Run away with Nakamura to the next town. Yeah, why the fuck not?! Saeki ends up tracking them down and tried to convince them to come back and for Kasuga to be truthful. Saeki wants Kasuga and I almost want to say the same, except hanging around this psycho-bitch for a while has caused him to try to stop Nakamura from leaving. Having Saeki see Kasuga go after Nakamura isn’t really a good look! At this point, it really feels like his love for Saeki was nothing more than lust.

Dude, isn’t there a rule about not messing with crazy…like, don’t stick your dick in crazy?! This dude has got one crazy bitch on psycho-yandere levels and the other that’s about to turn into Kotonoha from School Days in about five seconds. Well, no one left town today as the police were called to look for Saeki because her parents are overprotective types and they take the other kids in.

We get a small time-leap of one month after the night in the police station. Nakamura’s been ignoring Kasuga and Kasuga ends his relationship with Saeki. Dude, stop trying to stick your dick in crazy! Kasuga tries to speak to Nakamura again and it fails. So he visits her at home and meets Nakamura’s father and grandmother. Then, he sneaks into her room and reads her private journal that talks about Kasuga a lot. Dude, you are stepping in uncharted territory! Drop the journal and get the fuck out before Nakamura comes home. So Nakamura comes in her room and finds shit-face reading her journal.

*sighs*

First, I would like to acknowledge that Mariya Ise has one hell of a throat to scream as much as this crazy bitch does. Second, the fuck did I just say, ya dumbass?! Here we get another chase scene between Kasuga and Nakamura. What follows is…I can’t place my thoughts on this. Weird imagery, out of place dialogue, and possible scenes of future stuff to happen! A rape scene involving Saeki, a festival, a hideout, a knife, and fire! Thanks for the cryptic message guys, really appreciate it! Either the anime ran out of money or they’re fucking with the audience. Kasuga says he wants to form a contract with Nakamura and that’s the end!

Hmm, this anime came out in 2013 and it is now 2021. All the buildup and no word on a sequel! We all know that sequel ain’t ever coming. You have a better chance of a continuation to Haruhi Suzumiya than you do with this hunk of shit.

Okay, maybe ‘hunk of shit’ is too mean. This wasn’t a terrible anime. It was weird as fuck, the animation leaves a bad impression, but overall it wasn’t that bad. Now the manga to Flowers of Evil is a favorite to many. Probably because the characters don’t look like a cringey meme and there aren’t so many awkward pauses with no dialogue. Unless there’s a whole volume of Flowers of Evil out there where we just look at pictures of Nakamura and Kasuga walking home where they don’t say a fucking thing! I am not letting that go! Charlie Brown movies didn’t go to that level you guys did!

I was interested with each passing episode to see what Nakamura was going to do next and what she was capable of. I couldn’t make out if she was going to be homicidal or suicidal or just impact psychological warfare on her prey. It was the latter for this series, but I heard of some attempted seppuku going down in the manga. I’d like to think maybe one day a different studio would pick up this series, but I seriously doubt it with the rotten reception this adaptation received. It was said that the director to the anime saw this more as a live-action series than an anime and that’s why we have the rotoscope animation. It wasn’t until 2019 that we got a live-action adaptation to Flowers of Evil. Not sure how people felt about that adaptation, but even I have a feeling that it was much better than the anime. Hell, a Netflix adaptation probably would have turned out a better product. It would be nice for this to get a reboot, different studio, different director, and smash everything that has the word ‘rotoscope’ on it

Yeah, if you can get over watching the animation, give it a watch. Episode one drags, but it picks up the second Nakamura confronts Kasuga.

If you would like to watch Flowers of Evil, Crunchyroll and Hidive have all 13 episodes available for streaming.

Okay, now that I’m finished with that sociopathic nightmare let’s pick another Sentai Filmworks anime.

HELL NO! I am not reviewing, “My Teacher Accidentally Made Me Horny”. That’s what I’m calling it and you should all do the same. NEXT!

Okay…I have no idea what the hell this anime is, but it looks harmless enough.

[weeb-writor]

Meeting Shouta’s parents on Christmas

Hello all you beautiful people! So here is the last part in the Aizawa mini series. I fell in love with all these Characters and this head cannon so I will probably revisit them! As usually the reader is neutral in every since of the word! I hope you guys enjoyed this series. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aizawa Shouta x Reader

After a month of preparation you meet Aizawa’s Parent over the course of a week

Words: 3,098

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five

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“Ooh my goodness what are we gonna do!?” You said pacing around your living room. Shouta looked at you and chuckled at your frazzled state.

“We get in my car and drive to my family house as planned, pretend to enjoy ourselves so we can come home and cuddle with my fat cats.” He said, pulling you into a hug. 

“You want me to show up to meet your parents without the gift I ordered for you dad? Shouta are you outta your mind.” You said to him with a pout.

“Well that's debatable but I do know my parents and they aren't even expecting anything so it's fine. You can just tell them we’ll get it to him when we get it. Now let's go!” He said trying to drag you to the car.

“Aizawa Shouta! I am not going anywhere unless it's to a store to buy your Dad a gift.” You said giving him a glare. He stared back as if to question if you were being serious. You cocked an eyebrow at him, challenging him to disagree.

“Were gonna be late to get there, do you want that?”

“Better to be late than to show empty handed especially when everyone else has gifts.” You said with a shrug. Aizawa laughed but nodded as you both went to the store. You wandered around the place for an hour before you found something you actually liked. Now you were in the car messily wrapping in as you pulled into the driveway of your destination.

“Okay goodness gracious we barely made it but we're here and I have gifts for all your siblings and their lovers and their kids! Didn't think I would pull it off but here we are in one piece.” You said mostly to yourself.

“Kitty Cat you start talking to yourself and I might leave you to enter the den of wolves by yourself.” Aizawa said as you both got out of the car. You let him take in your overnight bags and get help for the millions of presents somehow packed into your small car you didn't wait long as you felt as presence behind you.

“Hello you, perfect example of a gorgeous human being!” The voice said from behind you.

“Shinji, how nice to see you.” You said with a sigh.

“You know if you’re tired of sighing that way… I have a better way to make you sigh.” He said winking at you. You had to push back all the thoughts of murdering him and just smiled but before you could say anything another voice interjected.

“See I told you we had to come out here! Shinji stop hitting on y/n their dating our little brother you snake.” Saika said, hitting him over the head.

“Can't help it, sis!” He said with a laugh.

“Well for this week you absolutely will have better control overself or so help me God Shinji! Anyway y/n you’ve got me, Shinji and sora at your beck and call, what do you need help with?” Saika said with her graceful smile.

“Oh just this.” You said pointing to the car packed with presents. Sora seemed to choke on air at the amount of gifts.

“God, didn't Shouta tell you didn't have to buy everyone a gift, you poor thing!” Saika said hugging you.

“Well he did but I just really like you guys and loved getting to know you this past month so I wanted to.” You said waving her off.

“More like you wanted to impress our parents, huh cutie?” Shinji said teasing you before he started to grab presents as to avoid his sister wacks.

“Ignore him! My mom is dying to meet you, Shouta’s never brought anyone home.” She said as her and Sora grabbed some more presents. As they went in you pulled out the last two rounds of presents and waited for Aizawa who wasn't far behind.

“Hey love are you ready?” Aizawa said, picking up the presents you set out.

“I am totally not!! I barely remember everyone's name! We should just slip away right now!” You said beginning to pace some more.

“Babe i'm gonna go inside and wait on you, come in whenever you want but remember we are late.” He said with a light chuckle.

“Sho!! don't you go into your house without me!” You said picking up the gifts and following him like a lost puppy. That was that and soon you were inside the house with a lot of eyes on you. You followed aizawa while bowing and placed the toys underneath the huge tree.

“Alright now that that’s done let me meet the one whose stolen my baby’s heart so effortlessly!” A woman said coming over to you. You bowed deeply to her and she let out a melodious laugh.

“How cute, no need to bow so deep! I should be bowing to you, you who is able to make my stoic Shouta blush, giggle and pout!” She says grabbing your face and pulling it around as if to inspect it.

“Oh Honey, you stop it! They are just being polite, you know like Japanese culture requires them to be.” A tall man said coming over to you.

“I'm just saying! Anyway you can call me Mina and this is my parasite of 41 years Hirohito! Nice to meet you!” She said hugging you, you were a bit surprised by how informal and kind they were.

“Excuse my parents, they were born and raised in America! No less Japanese but they are a bit more informal and that does shock a lot of people.” Shojiro said scratching his neck. 

“Oh hush boy! Don’t put a warning label on me and your mom as if we are damaged goods.” Hirohito said, knocking him over the head.

“Now it’s getting later we should all wash up and get ready to eat! I made something special for you all. And Sho I put a king size bed in your room since you’ve finally brought someone home. If you want to take advantage of that and make me some grandchildren then don’t worry we will hold up dinner for you!” His mom said kissing his cheek. He groaned and grabbed your hand and pulled you away and soon you were in his room.

“See, was that so hard?” Aizawa said with a flushed face.

“Ehh you look like it was, tomato paste! But I think it went okay! I can do this!!” You said hyping yourself up.

“Yes you can, kitty cat. After dinner only 6 more days to go.”

“WHY do you guys do Christmas gatherings for a week!” You whisper yelled at him.

“Because we have a doting mother who wants to smother us every chance she gets and a father who would do anything for her.” He said serious, you laughed and got ready for dinner. When you and Aizawa made it to the dining room, you were met with three huge dining tables. Almost every seat filled.

“Sweetheart, you and y/n come sit right here! I’ve got so many things to ask you!” His mom said waving you over.

“Thank you… Mina. Your way to kind!” You said with another bow. Dinner was pretty quiet at first but how quiet can you be with like 30 people in one room.

“Saika, dear, you were in charge of the schedule this year can you read it off for everyone.” Mina said.

“Of course! So on the 20th aka tomorrow it’s all about decorations and the tree! 21st is all about taking the kids to see Santa! 22nd is Family photo day! 23 is the gingerbread houses contest and reindeer games! 24th is sugar cookie making and movies! 25th is a grand breakfast and present opening! Bring forth the cup of straws!” Saika said giggling. Sora rolled his eyes but got the cup and passed it around, everyone taking a straw. 

“Okay now blow into if red dust comes out you’re in charge of taking the kids to see Santa!” She announced and everyone did. Of fucking course red dust billowed from you straw. You looked at Shouta and he shook his head at you and your heart dropped.

“So then it’s me and you, how fortunate!” Shinji said waving at you. You couldn’t control yourself and your head dropped onto the table dramatically.

“Haha, Shinji y/n already knows what a pain in the ass you are! you must be losing your style dear! Not to worry y/n, Shinji will be on his best behavior won’t you?” Mina said as an ominous silence fell over the room. Shinji didn’t hesitate to nod.

“Okay then! Y/n, welcome to the Aizawa family. I hope you enjoy your first Christmas with us! With that let us begin the 6 days of chaos!” Mina said laughing lifting her glass, everyone joined laughing. Okay maybe this won’t be so bad you thought for a brief second.

20th - 5 Days till Christmas

“Dad I understand you like to hang lights up dangerously but do you have to drag y/n into it.” Aizawa said as he watched you nervously. You were on the roof helping his dad put up a few decorations and lights.

“Of course I did, if they’re gonna be an Aizawa one day they gotta learn all our trade secrets.” He retorted as if it was common knowledge.

“I’ve never seen my little Sho so worried. I can’t figure out if it’s because your kind and you love him so much or if you’ve got him by the balls or maybe even both.” Mina said with a slight chuckle. This made you warm in embarrassment and you lost your footing and began to fall, of course taking the old man with you.

“Shit!” Aizawa said as he quickly used his capture weapon to grab both you and stop your impact from being damaging.

“Yeah alright, me and y/n are opting out of decorations this year.” He said dragging you who was still in his captured weapon toward the door.

“Oh honey calm down it would have just been a small bump and maybe a sprain. Would you at least help Shinji and Sora with the kids, decorating the tree?” She said with a kind yet manipulative smile. Before either of you could respond yelling was heard from inside

“Damn it, Yukio stop breaking the glass ornaments and Maki stop recording and help me!” Shinji yelled. 

21st- 4 Days till Christmas 

“Shinji what the hell do we do!” You said pacing.

“Hold on stop talking I’m thinking.”

“Like hell I’m trusting your brain! We just have to ask them to let us take pictures anyway.” You said with determination. You see everything was going well until and elf said something to Haru that Jun took as bullying. A fire light in that boy like you had never seen he was on top of the elf giving him the business in seconds. After he just mumbled things like ‘Bakugou said you can’t let people bully you.’ And ‘gotta put bullies in their place.’. Then when you tried to get him to apologize he glared and said ‘no, I can’t let that bully win’ and just like that y’all were kicked out.

“No look let’s just disguise them! Tetsuya and Haru stitch clothing and Haru and Umi switch! Then Maki will take them and her pictures with them.

“What about Maki though they saw her!” You said not believing you were actually going along with his crazy plan.

“Oh I have a change of clothes, gotta be prepared when you’re going out with uncle Shinji!”  She said cheerfully.

“That’s my girl! Now go do this thing!” He said giving her and high five. Someone how Shinji’s ridiculous plan worked and the parents didn’t even notice, they were all too drunk or tired. 

22nd - 3 Days until Christmas 

“There is no way I'm taking pictures wearing this.” Sora said as he pulled the clothes from the box.

“Yeah mom, why did you make Sho pick clothes this year you know he cant even dress himself! It’s because you babied him so much, you know.” Shojiro said, looking as equally as disgusted at the clothing.

“Hey now! I put my baby in charge of the clothing and you all are gonna wear it, end of discussion. Also if anyone babied him it was all of you so blame yourself.” Mina said, ending the discussion as Shouta wore a crazed grin.

“I like the clothes Uncle sho’ta.” Nozomi said rocking on her heels.

“They are pretty cute huh?” He said ruffing her hair.

“Ah ah ah! Don't you go infecting my kids with your bad fashion sense!.” Saika said, covering Nozomi's ears. At this you all broke out into laughs before heading to put on the outfits and prepare for maybe the most embarrassing photos known to man.

23rd - 2 days till Christmas

You were not an artist by any means but when you heard the winner got the honor of passing out presents you were purposely trying to lose. You knew them apart mostly but if they were all wearing the same pajamas with their hair tied back it was going to be a stuttering mess. However your plan of making a 3 out of 10 gingerbread house was foiled quickly. Aizawa wasn't really a competitive man or so you thought but when you to were paired against Shinji and Shojiro he went berserk! You looked at the gingerbread MANSION with a sigh.

“Shouta i’ve never seen you so invested! It's amazing.” Said Shizumi the resident artist in the house.

“Yeah uncle Shouta and L/N! You definitely got my vote!” Daisuke said smiling at you, you smiled back at him warily. The family all wrote down the people of their choosing and put it into the Santa hat. Now as names were being drawn you were biting your nails.

“Shouta and Y/n will be our Clauses this year.” Hirohito said with a small smile.

“Yay y/n wins.” Haru and Jun danced around you. You giggled before glaring at Aizawa in a way that said when we get home your sleeping on the couch, he just kissed you sweetly.

24th - 1 Day till Christmas

“Uncle Shouta stopped making so many cat cookies! Santa wants other shapes too!” Tetsuya said, hitting Shouta repeatedly on his legs. You laughed evilly as you formed another cat cookie and wrote Shouta’s name on the corner.

“I like your cat cookies.” Nozomi said, playing with her hair. Aizawa picked her up and spun her around.

“Okay, yep that's weird Baby brother! Why is Nozomi clinging to you? What did you do?” Shiori said looking back and forth from you and Shouta.

“Nothing.” Shouta said with a smirk. The family then looked at you hopeful.

“Well would you look at that! It's about time to watch the Grinch isn't it, Rei?” You asked the young boy. He eagerly nodded wanting to escape the situation. 

“You got Rei too? What is happening!” Saika said as she grabbed Rei bringing him to her chest.

“Huh where is your DVD player? I got to put the disk in.” You said completely ignoring her.

25th - Christmas Day

The gift giving had been going pretty successfully. You only Stuttered a few times but you hadn't given anyone the wrong present and let Shouta take the ones with Nicknames you didn't know. But this right here was the moment of truth, the moment you had been preparing for. In your right hand you had a gift for Shizumi and in your left one for Saika. You looked at the two twin like sisters and handed the gifts to each respectful sister hoping you were right. They opened the gifts and smiled so you guessed you were correct had everyone's eyes not been on you, you would have done a happy dance.

“Alright last gift before Mom and Dads are for Miss Nozomi!” Shouta said signaling you to get the present you and him picked out for the young girl.

“Alright this is from me and Uncle Shouta!” You said to the girl handing her the blue box. She said a quiet thank you before tearing into the box. Inside the box was a note which she took out.

“Look at your favorite uncle.” She said before looking straight at Shouta making all the other brothers gasp. In Shouta’s arm was a cute 3 legged kitten which had the girl darting toward him but slowed when she got to him so as not to scare the cat.

“Thank you!” The girl said, rubbing at her teary eyes. You and Aizawa had been teaching her how to care for cats knowing she wanted one. In all honesty she knew she was getting a cat she just didn't know when. You had asked her parents as well but didn't tell then when either so as to have a bigger reaction from the family.

“No need to thank me! Just promise me to take care of him real well.” Aizawa thumbed away the last of her tears. She nodded rapidly before snuggling the kitten who seemed to enjoy the attention. The last arc of gift giving went well as did the extravagant breakfast you had all prepared together. Now you were all saying goodbye.

“Y/n dear I do have one last parting gift for you.” Mina said as you rounded the corner with your bags. You placed down your bags and went to her side.

“I know you and Shouta haven't been together too long but I want to thank you. He acts tougher than he is. He would rather bear all the responsibility and pain and suffer alone. Not to mention the way he puts himself in danger rather than ask for help. With you he seems different, and you put him in his place. You’ve made me feel at ease for the first time since he entered UA as a student. So welcome to the family, we're so glad to have you.” She said putting something into your hands. You bowed at her and opened your palm to see a key to this house and a few pictures taken over the course of the week. You waved goodbye to them all and got your bags and made the short trip to your car where Shouta was waiting.

“Why do you look like you're going to cry.” He said worried.

“Because there are 365 days till next Christmas.” You said to him smiling.

~~~~~~~~~~~

MHA Masterlist

[plotbnuy]

KarpReviews - Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995) and End of Evangelion

It took me a good while to really get into anime. Well, maybe that’s technically not true, as I grew up with the Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh anime series. That’s really where my exposure to the medium stopped for a long time, though. There was scattered influence, such as an ephemeral viewing of Spirited Away on Cartoon Network, and access to one of the Naruto fighting games. Ultimately, though, I hardly knew what anime was until high school. It was around this time that I would occasionally stay up late to watch Toonami on Saturdays. Toonami provided me with several of my first and favorite anime series, including Cowboy Bebop, Deadman Wonderland, and Soul Eater. One night, however, I found myself treated to something completely bizarre. 

I can’t say for sure exactly what I had watched, though my current knowledge suggests it was one of the Evangelion recap movies. These are abridged versions of the series that tell the story in a more condensed format, though it’s possible I just caught a few episodes of the regular series. The show itself was overwhelmingly confusing and bizarre, with concepts my teenage mind struggled to grasp, and characters that seemed strange and depressing. It certainly didn’t help that I was watching this show in the dead of night while sleep repeatedly attempted to pull me down. I was mesmerized regardless, and the images I saw never left my mind. 

It wasn’t until now that I decided to finally watch the series in its entirety. I was excited to figure out exactly what I’d seen, why the robots in the show looked the way they did, why the “monsters” had such abstract and strange designs. Most importantly, I wanted to experience one of the major pieces of Japanese animation that had influenced so much of popular media. Thankfully, Neon Genesis Evangelion did not disappoint. 

To briefly summarize for those who still haven’t seen the show, the main premise is that, for one reason or another, Earth has become assaulted by powerful beings known as Angels - strange monsters that threaten humanity with their otherworldly power. An organization called NERV, led by Commander Gendo Ikari, plans to protect humanity and destroy the Angels with mysterious and strange humanoid mecha named “EVAs.” They can only be piloted by particular children, one of whom is the main character and Gendo’s son, Shinji. The Angels themselves, as well as their lore, hearken to Christianity, though in the same way that American media loosely uses Greek mythology. While the premise of the show seems to match that of other mecha, such as Gundam or Macross Saga, Evangelion is more about it’s heavy, layered theming as opposed to mecha and kaiju battles. Evangelion’s storytelling is rich and layered, yet I never found it to be overwhelming or poorly paced. Even though it’s dark tone is prevalent throughout, the battles between EVAs and Angels are still exciting and enjoyable on their own, each encounter building the stakes higher and higher, until it almost feels that everything will suddenly explode. Almost. 

Visually, I think Evangelion holds up phenomenally. The animation style is instantly recognizable while still carrying the same charm that many 90′s anime have. Characters are expressive and animated when they need to be, and backdrops are detailed and colorful. I was blown away especially during the show’s numerous fight scenes. Unlike the bulky mechs featured in most media at the time, the EVAs are nimble and powerful, often performing acrobatic feats or creating stunning displays of destruction. I was absolutely captivated by the designs of the EVA’s and Angels, just like I was in high school. The EVA’s are both incredible and sinister, immediately intriguing just from their design alone. Just looking at one makes you want to know more about them. The character designs are simple but still memorable, which matches their personalities well. What I love most about the visuals of this show, however, isn’t the fluid action or expressive characters, but the implementation of long shots and surreal visuals. Several times throughout the series, the show will linger on a single frame for an extended period of time. There’s no dialogue in these segments, just ambient noise or background music. These moments are some of the most engrossing, trapping the viewer in a single uncomfortable moment, such as the gruesome aftermath of an Angel attack, or a long elevator ride following an argument between Asuka and Rei.

Speaking of, the characters in this show are truly fascinating. Nearly every character is layered and interesting, and each one has their own ways in which they deal with the pressure and terrors of the world around them. I was surprised with how much I ended up liking Shinji (during the main series that is, but we’ll get to that) whose awkward and conflicted personality can be easily polarizing to viewers. I thought Asuka was a nice foil for Shinji, and an entertaining character on her own. She is a bit rough around the edges, and her loud and often self-centered personality can be grating at times, but ultimately her presence is a positive one, and I feel she inadvertently pulls other characters out of their shells. Rei, the third part of our pilot trio, is quiet and mysterious, and she adds to a lot of the show’s intrigue. My favorite character is easily Misato. On top of keeping the younger character’s intense personalities in check, her own story is one that the show graciously gives a lot of attention to. Watching her start to work through her demons was thoroughly compelling to me, and I felt that even through her faults she always tries to be mindful of the people around her. Ryoji was another character that I was a bit worried about after his introduction, but thankfully he had much more going for him than his flirty, aloof attitude. The one person that I never got totally sold on, though, is Gendo Ikari. While he’s certainly integral to the plot, his character was too nuanced for my liking, and it dampened his impact on the story. He’s also one of the characters who I can confidently say isn’t a good person, making his presence even more distasteful. Important for sure, but generally unpleasant. 

Perhaps the most memorable piece of this show is it’s music. Truly, every single track within this anime screams “iconic.” The catchy drumming of “Decisive Battle” constantly plays within my head, a track that helped every Angel encounter feel like an elaborate chess game. “Angel Attack” has a memorable, intense melody that felt appropriate for the show’s surreal and powerful monsters. Of course, nothing needs to be said about one of the most iconic anime openings ever, “Cruel Angel’s Thesis.” By far my favorite, though, has to go to “Komm, süsser Tod.” Playing during the finale of End of Evangelion, this hauntingly beautiful song fits the show perfectly, from it’s use of choir-like vocals to the chaotic mess of strings towards the end. Every song in the show’s OST is wonderful, and I often listen to various tracks while I’m working. Even if you don’t want to watch the show, I strongly urge you to check out the soundtrack anyway. 

Deep within these varied, elaborate pieces, behind the catchy music and incredible action set pieces, Neon Genesis Evangelion is a show about depression. Each character struggles with this in a different way: Shinji keeps his distance from those around him, despite needing more than anything to connect to another human being. Asuka searches for validation from the people around her, becoming angry when anyone takes attention away from her, afraid that she’ll be ignored or forgotten. Rei struggles in general to feel like a real person, to become more than her birthright and her purpose. Misato tries to drown herself in her work and in alcohol, keeping herself in denial while she tries to distance herself from her past. In some ways, the EVAs represent the responsibilities of everyday life, highlighted by Shinji’s struggle to fully commit to his obligation of protecting mankind. The characters in this show are broken, messy husks, and for almost the entire show these struggles seem impossible to overcome. These themes and motifs become especially true starting with episode 16, where the show begins to slow down and focus on its characters as the final Angel threat is thwarted. Ultimately, however, the message of the original series is a hopeful one, sending the viewer off with the message that only when you’re able to help yourself can you finally start to truly connect with and help others. It’s a poignant message and one that I think the show earns by weaving it’s theme of depression throughout the entire show, not just focusing on it near the end. 

The end, however, is where Evangelion becomes a truly fascinating piece of media. Part of what makes this true is that, actually, Neon Genesis Evangelion has two endings: the final two episodes of the show, and the movie appropriately titled End of Evangelion. The series has separate endings for a couple of reasons, actually. While I won’t explain it in depth here, the summarized version is that the latter episodes of Evangelion, starting with episode 16, are subjected to a bit of a paradigm shift following production issues and budget cuts. These later episodes are where the various characters’ faults take the forefront of the narrative, and the action scenes become scarce. The final two episodes take on an especially bizarre nature, analyzing the characters within the context of the show, using abstract visualization and disjointed dialogue to do so. Personally, I’ve grown to appreciate this ending. As I mentioned before, while the focus does change towards the end, I still believe the show was always more about the heavy themes than it was about the robot fights. Many, however, do not share my opinion. When the finale originally aired, many viewers were incredibly unhappy. Unreasonably so, as thousands sent angry letters and death threats to the studio, griefing the creator for his vision. They called for a different ending, one with a more satisfying conclusion, with more action and a clearer sendoff for Shinji and the other characters. 

Needless to say, creator Hideaki Anno obliged them. 

Releasing in 1997, End of Evangelion is perhaps the most spiteful piece of artistry ever conceived. While the original series ended with a message of hope, this film turns the series on its head and creates a narrative that simply reeks of despair. Junko Enoshima  could only dream of creating something so explicitly hopeless. While Shinji takes his first steps towards healing in the original ending, this film features a Shinji who has completely and utterly given up. He’s succumbed to his base desires, numb to the world around him in a way that’s turned him into a monster. His thoughts and actions are violent and abusive, he becomes completely deaf to the needs of those around him, and in a few short minutes of this film, he becomes almost completely irredeemable. He knows he’s become a despicable shell of a human being, but he almost seems to revel in that fact. This version of Shinji is utterly useless, and his actions - or rather inaction - causes the complete destruction of everyone he loves. This film is depressing, it’s uncomfortable, and it’s absolutely unconscionable...

And I loved it. 

In context, it’s hard not to imagine that End of Evangelion is a deliberate slap in the face to the fans who so ruthlessly tore apart the original ending of the show. It completely reverses the progress that was made in the original series, opting to create an ending that is more intense and action-packed, but at the price of turning Shinji, the audience surrogate, into a complete bastard. Watching the film for the first time is almost infuriating, especially as Shinji repeatedly destroys everything in his wake through his own self-loathing. Yet, after letting the film sit in my mind for a while, I found it to be a truly unique piece of art. It’s hard to stomach, and I don’t think I can recommend it, especially on its own, but End of Evangelion is a truly fascinating film. 

As a whole, I’m extremely happy I decided to go back in time to watch this old classic. I believe it holds up incredibly well overall, and it has so much to say in just 26 episodes. Watching it reminded me a lot of Samurai Jack and Cowboy Bebop, especially with its use of masterful long takes and thick atmosphere. If you haven’t given this anime a shot, I strongly recommend checking it out on Netflix or wherever you can get your hands on it. It may not be for everyone, but for this kaiju-loving gal, it exceeded every expectation. 

[husbandograveyard]

Shinji Hirako, Yoruichi Shihoin, Lisa Yadomaru F please. Thanks

Some more powerful bleach ladies (and Shinji lmao) coming up! Hope you enjoy these! I kept them gender neutral since you didn’t specify and for this it wasn’t really necessary to give reader a gender! Have a great day 

Fluff alphabet: F with Lisa Yadomaru, Yoruichi Shihoin and Shinji Hirako 

Lisa 

F - fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Lisa is the queen of the silent treatment. She can be easily annoyed, but actual fights are rather rare. The few times it happens, it escalates way too quickly for either of you to talk it out before you reach a point of no return. She’ll just huff and turn away, and depending on how severe the fight is, there will be a few hours, or a few days of radio silence following. If you live together, she’ll still be doing the chores and everything she does usually, just without acknowledging your presence. She’ll have a book in one hand, doing whatever chore at hand with the other, maybe even putting on some music to quietly hum along with in order to ignore you better. The latter especially if she is waiting for you to say something to talk it out once you’ve both got some time to think about it. If she is in the wrong, she will admit it and will come to you to talk it out and/or apologize, but you will have to be a little patient. She wants to sort out her thoughts and prepare properly in her head to do so in an appropriate way.

Yoruichi 

F - fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Yoruichi is pretty carefree, so discussions are rare, mainly because she just tends to ignore you’re even starting one? You’ll try and get her attention about it and she’ll laugh it away and start eating/changes the subject / will just walk away. It’s pretty frustrating but often the discussions are not that important anyway, and it’s better to sit it out than to actually start arguing about it. 

When it comes to actual fights, Yoruichi is pretty passionate and stubborn. Once she starts one, it’ll probably end with some door slamming and yelling. It is hard for her to admit she was wrong but she is quick to forgive, as long as you give her a proper cool-down time. You’ll find her training or in your favorite restaurant all by herself, or raiding your fridge, just kind of trying to get her mind of things. Chances are, if you give her enough cooling off time, she’ll just have forgotten that you were arguing in the first place.

Shinji 

F - fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Shinji is a little childish. He kind of gets a kick out of teasing you and riling you up, and sometimes he pushes it just a little bit too far, with an argument as consequence. Most of your fights are about stupid nonsense, and there is a bit of a standoff on who is going to be the one caving in first. You demand an apology for pushing it too far, Shinji wishes you’d stop being so stubborn. Childishness aside, it is often Hiyori of all people that explodes on both of you (or at least Shinji, with the help of her trusty slippers) and tells you to start acting like the grownups you are, so you can make up.  Making up usually is a half-hearted giggly sorry, you were usually fighting about nothing anyway, and all is easily forgiven and forgotten, only very rarely do you actually blow up about something like that, maybe when it happens too often in a row. Now other than that, big arguments aren’t really a thing between the two of you, as Shinji is calm and collected and prefers to talk it out when it is about serious issues and would appreciate it that you do the same when it comes to big things both considering your duties and general life and your relationship.

[gisachi]

#42 for the shinran kissing prompts maybe? (thank you for the nice tags on my art btw 😉💜)

Thanks for this request! 💞 Ahh, what can I say, your doodles are so funny and so lovely to look at!! I’ve never had the proper chance to thank you for your tags on my posts too so I’ll take this opportunity. It makes me really happy that you like what I write ;;_;; So I remembered reading one of your tags saying that you like Domestic!ShinRan so I’mma give that to you rn. I really hope you like this! 🤗

42. Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead. (1,551 words)

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9:00 PM.

It’s automatic, whenever the grandfather clock strikes 9:00 PM. Seconds after the last chime of the bell, he’ll hear the library door open, footsteps lightly approach him, then hundreds of pecks will wordlessly land on his cheek in the midst of his paperwork, disrupting the mind palace he’s put up for hours.

It did surprise him the first time, giving his wife a weirded out ‘What’s with you?’ look, but it doesn’t take a while for Pavlov to prove his theory to him when for the next four or five times, he begins to grow accustomed to this flow of events. He doesn’t even have to look at the clock; he just knows that once the library door clicks, it’s 9 o’clock, and he’s bound to ready his cheeks for the array of kisses that’ll shortly follow.

Though his mind has already been conditioned to this, Shinichi’s yet to admit that that is the most favorite thing he wants from his wife to do. After all, anyone who knows him knows that he must not be disturbed in the middle of his deductions. Well, they can, but at the expense of being ignored, or avoided, or humiliated for feeling like they’re talking to a brick wall.

Thus it has been a universal rule that a working Shinichi is an absolutely-cannot-be-disturbed Shinichi. And his wife knows this for sure.

Yet why? For what purpose is she doing this, persistently giving him something he never asked for? Something she isn’t even sure he wants, or needs?

Tonight is rather a busy night for him. He doesn’t usually bring home extra paperwork from the Department, but this present case - a child kidnapping case - calls for urgency. Since 5 PM, he hasn’t left the Kudo library and has even missed dinner. But hunger is nothing compared to the need for the case to be resolved as soon as possible. Time is the enemy. So for almost three hours, he reads, he closes his eyes, he writes, he thinks. On repeat.

“Yes, Megure-keibu. Yes. Among the suspects only the child’s aunt living in Minato ward can possibly do this. Said she’s never been in touch with the kid for years and- Yes. And yet she knows her routine after school. She’s been spying on her. Right. Please send the Team right away to her house. Be on guard. It’s possible there’s someone with her with a weapon. Mm. Let me know once the suspect is restrained.”

He paces back and forth the library, grave and relentless worry evident in his face. He waits, and waits, and waits. Forty minutes of frantic silence and tension, hunger and thirst unnoticed. For forty minutes his world zeroes in on just him and this case, not in the least mindful of his environment, of any sound other than his nervous heart and seeing nothing other than the flash of memories from back when he - and she - was young.

Finally, the awaited call arrives.

“Shinichi-kun, the culprit has been apprehended. Good job. We’ll hear more details on this tomorrow. You may now retire for the night.”

Thank goodness.

Slumping into his chair, he heaves a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Megure-keibu.”

He checks his phone clock. 8:58 PM. Wow, it took almost four hours. He doesn’t even realize. Oh, the effect of child kidnapping cases on him.

He stays in his chair, unmoving. That’s when it hits. The fatigue. The hunger. Minor unfinished paperwork still lays on his desk but he figures he needs a little breather.

For once he actually seeks for rest.

Ran.

8:59 PM.

How convenient. Now he just has to wait for one more minute. Then the grandfather clock will chime and the door will click and this time, he’s ready to welcome whatever intrusion there’ll be, as long as it’s from her.

Ran.

He closes his eyes, chuckles breathily. Hah.

For the first time, is he really actively waiting for her to come?

He waits, and waits, and waits.

Any time now.

Aaaany time.

9:01 PM.

9:10 PM. 9:15 PM.

9:20 PM.

Maybe it’s the tiredness acting up, and he’s not supposed to be cranky because he has just solved a kidnapping case, but right now, he cannot stop his brows from furrowing and his lips from curving upside down.

Where the hell is she?

Releasing an impatient groan, he decides to just continue with the minor paperwork. Maybe she’s already asleep; doesn’t wait for him anymore since he sure is taking his time with this. He mechanically grabs his pen, flips some pages over, and stares blankly at words.

Man... he’s pretty bummed.

“Done with the case?”

He jerks from his seat, heart leaping a little. Trying to keep a straight expression, he slowly turns to the door, and there she is. The woman he’s secretly waiting for.

Ran.

Shinichi watches her walk his direction before finally realizing how much he’s been staring, and then returns his attention to his paperwork.

“...Late.” He mumbles, so low she barely hears it.

She stops, quirks an eyebrow. “Oh. Were you waiting for me?”

“Wh— N-no. Not at all.”

How childish he might’ve sounded just now.

Trying to push past her teasing stare, he pretends to go over the piles of paper in front of him one by one.

But Ran knows her husband too well. She approaches his desk, and, after a faint giggle, gives a light peck on his visibly flustered cheeks.

“I tucked Sakura and Shinji to bed,” she says, giving an answer to his unspoken question. “Took me quite a while this time.”

He tilts his head, half-facing her. “And? Are they asleep now?”

“Yes.”

“Mm.”

She leans in for another peck and Shinichi instinctively offers his cheek, closing his eyes. Feeling her subtle smile against his skin, he cannot help but smile, too, as she gives him three more. Ran stands straight and sighs.

“You skipped dinner, Shinichi. I’ll heat up your food, okay?” She steps away, only to be abruptly stopped by a stubborn tug of his hand on her wrist.

“Ran, that’s...not enough.”

Swiveling his chair to face her, he opens his arms, catching Ran dumbfounded from where she stands. Then, without any word, she retraces her steps, slowly, until she’s standing between his legs, and his arms wrap around her waist.

“I was.”

“Was what?”

“Waiting.”

Cheeks dusting with red, Shinichi holds her gaze as she stares him down his seat; her eyes wide at the unexpected declaration before narrowing into slits.

“Mmm, really? M’not bothering you with your work?” She nudges her head to his desk.

“Nope.”

“But that’s not what I was getting before.”

“Hmm?”

“You've never reciprocated my kisses then,” she puffs her cheeks.

“Well…”

"You didn’t even notice I checked up on you before 9 o’clock. You were too engrossed with the case, spanning the room back and forth like a madman.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, so I figured it’s probably better not to disturb you until you’re done with it...don’t wanna risk being yelled at.”

“I’m not-“

“Oh, Shinichi. I understand, you don’t want any disturbance when solving cases, not even from your wife—“

He cuts her off with a kiss on the lips, dissolving Ran’s further complaints in his mouth.

“That’s not true,” he declares, then kisses her again, chastely. “Keep on doing that, okay? ‘Disturbing’ me or whatever...Even if I look serious,” another kiss. “Or annoyed.” Kiss. “Or cannot be bothered.” Long kiss. “Just...don’t stop doing that.”

He pauses for a good minute, admiring how she looks with her brows still wrinkled but face and ears now more crimson than his.

Ah. Yes— Now it’s clear.

What a shame for not having realized this sooner.

Breaking off his loving gaze, Ran pinches his cheeks, pulling them like dough. “Who says anything about stopping? Who’s gonna tuck you to bed when that happens?”

“Oh okay,” he chuckles, “so you’re really doing this whole thing to annoy me, huh?”

“Of course. Is there any other reason?”

He kisses her again, smiles fondly against her lips. “Because you love me?”

She returns the kiss, reciprocates the smile he doesn’t even bother hiding. “Now you’re being cocky.”

Hands intertwined, foreheads together, eyes closed, soft giggles lingering, husband and wife drown in each other’s comfort, forgetting about the time and hunger and everything else, his long day ending with her, at last. No one can take away this moment from them this time. Not even the minor unfinished paperwork.

Yes. This woman. His wife. Ran.

The only distraction he’ll ever want, and ever need.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what the case was all about?” He speaks softly, a little above a whisper.

“What is it?”

“Child kidnapping case.”

“Oh no,” Ran separates from him, expression visibly concerned, “and you’ve solved it?”

“Yes. The TMPD already apprehended the culprit.”

“That’s a relief,” she returns her forehead to his. “Though Shinichi, honestly I’ve never seen you so invested in a case before.”

“Yeah. It hits close to home.”

“What do you mean?”

Silence, then he takes a deep breath.

“Did you know that you were almost kidnapped when we were in Kindergarten?”

“I was almost...what?!”

“Let’s save that bedtime story for later. Dinner first?”

.

.

.

[fuwafuwamedb]

Kishi Nami Services Pt 9 (Hakuno, Shinji, Enkidu, Gilgamesh)

Previously: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

___

Matou Shinji.

Hakuno had hoped that, making her date the same night as Ishtar and Gilgamesh’s own, she could focus a little more on their date and the way their meal was going, but…

“Kishinami.”

Who calls someone by their last name during a date?

Hakuno smiled a bit his way though, ignoring part of her that was feeling a little off. It was nerves more than anything. Gilgamesh was known for giving matchmakers their end. She’d seen Mata Hari go into hospitality management after a run in with him. She’d heard about a few others, although the names were escaping her at the moment. They all found him to be unmatchable.

She would get him connected with Ishtar. They would suit one another’s tastes.

“Are you listening to me?”

“I was,” Hakuno replied, coming out of her thoughts and nodding to Shinji.

“Then you agree?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Then you weren’t listening.”

“No no!” Hakuno waved her hands a little, trying to think. Shinji had a mouth that could go on for days and she still wouldn’t get what the hell he was talking about. At least with Gilgamesh, he had a presence that drove one to listen. There was that charisma and that draw to him that made one listen to what he was saying. Shinji, on the other hand, was the opposite.

I want to end this.

“I was wondering,” Hakuno began, pulling away from the topic that she couldn’t remember him discussing. “You called from my guardian’s phone. What were you doing with Archimedes?”

“He and I were talking business.” Shinji smiled, sitting up a bit and taking another sip of his drink. She tried to follow suit, but that feeling in her that something was wrong was only growing. “As you know, I do have the most successful up and coming groups in this entire city. It won’t be long before I surpass the last few businesses. There’s just one more piece that I need in order to get.”

Moon Cell.

He didn’t have to say it. The tech company had been a plague in her life from the moment she’d inherited it. Her ex had really done a number on her by bequeathing such a business into her lap. Having Archimedes sell it had been the best decision she’d ever made, especially after the dates gone wrong and the stalkers.

Who could forget the ballerina who stalked her home after watching her perform?

Meltryillis had been gorgeous, but not to that point.

The hand model, Passionlip, had been little better. She’d literally tried to make the Moon Cell money work for her by going out to one large scale event, but the model had seen her and things had gotten awkward.

She didn’t believe in love at first sight.

Passionlip had been insistent.

It sounded like there was a commotion going on in the restaurant, but she didn’t pay any mind to it. Right now, there was only one thing left to do here and it was best to do it before things proceeded any further.

Hakuno moved to stand up.

“I-I think I’m going to leave.”

She was sure she had gotten the words out. Positive, but then Shinji was there, wrapping an arm around her waist. That greasy hair and dark smirk of his was far closer now, his hands holding her too tight.

“What’s the matter, Kishinami?” The man held her closer, his face coming in and out of focus. “You seem a bit out of it.”

Something is wrong with me.

She’d been careful.

Sparkling wine this time, instead of real liquor. She’d given it to the host from her own bag and insisted that, no matter what wine she said on the menu, he give her that instead. It had been the fake wine she’d handed him. She’d been fine all day.

Yet her legs were wobbling.

“What’s that?” Shinji leaned in closer, that smile only growing. “If you would like, we can go back to my place. The woman I had should be gone by now.”

Shit.

She had to call out. She needed to get others to come and help her away from this guy. There was a room full of people around. There were others that could-

“You’re babbling,” Shinji replied, laughing. “I don’t think anyone can understand what you’re saying. You get so drunk, woman!”

The two of them were heading through the restaurant. They were almost to the door and then they would-

No!

Hakuno looked back, noting a green haired person glancing their way. The person was pressing a hand to their ear.

She knew that face.

How did she know that face?

‘Help’ she mouthed. Hopefully.

Their eyes widened, their approach blocked by the door to the place slamming shut between them. Hakuno opened her mouth again, but she could feel herself being lifted up. The world was swirling, blurring. There were dark colors and putrid smells, the kind that made one’s stomach ready to retch.

“I don’t like thie either,” Shinji’s voice replied, “but business is business. None of your representatives will speak to me, even at the events we both go to. This is the best way to get the rights. And I will get the rights, make no mistake.”

She was going to be sick.

Violently, horribly sick.

This was a mistake.

How long would it be before someone noticed that she was gone? A week? A month? She didn’t have anyone in her personal life that she had agreed to meet with soon. They’d all think she was working. She didn’t have anyone at home worried about her.

A voice called out as she thought that.

Her stomach unloaded, spilling forth for a series of curses.

She could feel herself moving again, but there was another set of arms wrapping around her. She could see white,  a lacy something coming into and out of view as she tried to see what was going on. Her eyes drifted up as she heard noises.

Gold.

Gilgamesh’s features came into view, those red eyes glancing down at her.

“Enkidu. Hold her.”

Her vision swam out of focus again, but she recognized the green. The name was familiar too, but if Gilgamesh was handing her off to them, then it was for good reason.

Screams ripped through the air.

There was a pounding sound, or maybe that was just her racing heart. There was a gentle, minty scent in the air and on Enkidu. Their hands were cool to the touch, pressing against her face as she lay in their arms.

“We tried to be fast,” they murmured. “I saw you call for help.”

Enkidu was an angel.

There was no doubt in her mind. No one in their right mind went to save people like this. Enkidu’s cool touch was doing wonders though. She appreciated the attentions and the back rub as she found herself turning and retching again.

Not on the person this time, if the lack of squabbling was any indication.

“How bad is she?”

Her eyes were struggling to stay open. She knew that voice was Gilgamesh, but-

“Let me take her to the car. I’ll take her home.”

“If you’re doing that, then here,” Enkidu’s gentle voice replied. “I snagged her purse on our way out. She may want it.”

There was movement again.

The mint smell was gone, replaced with something more like a musk. Warm, strong arms held her to a chest, a slur of words she couldn’t distinguish were going on.

She didn’t know what he said though.

Her eyes opened.

Slowly, briefly, she could see the man come into view. Gilgamesh’s jacket glowed slightly from the lights of the dashboard of the car. She could see the lampposts flitting passed, bringing him into better view for the briefest of seconds.

Her eyes closed again.

“Come on.”

Hakuno opened her eyes, finding her purse on her lap and the blond pulling her carefully from the passenger seat. There were lights shining on them both, a garage light it seemed. Gilgamesh’s jacket was gone.

No, it was around her shoulders.

Her eyes were closing again, the urge to sleep so strong. Whatever Shinji had done, she wasn’t able to fight it.

But then, she really didn’t need to when she was here.

She knew these tall ceilings anywhere. The modern home with its dark woods and golden adornments were unmistakable.

So was the bedroom.

Gilgamesh set her right down in a chair near the bed, telling her to wait a moment.

“You ruined your dress, you fool.”

His shirt was over her head, held up as she felt something cold run down her spine.

The zipper of her dress.

As the dress fell, so did his shirt, covering whatever the man could have seen. Her dress puddled at her waist for a moment before the man was lifting her up, bringing her over to the bed.

Her eyes closed again.

The sounds of running water could be heard. Or maybe it was rain. It was impossible to be able to tell, but the sound was nice. It gave her something to think about other than her churning stomach and the pain in her body.

A voice spoke softly in the distance. Two voices.

“…you’re sure I don’t need to?”

Hakuno forced herself to wake up enough to look, her eyes going to the doorway.

“She is fine,” the pink haired woman replied. “Drugged with one of those date rape drugs, but she’ll be better in the morning. Make sure she has plenty of juice and water tomorrow and don’t let her move around too much and she’ll make a recovery in a couple days.”

“Days?”

“She was drugged with a good dose. She’ll be a bit lethargic for a time.”

Damn.

She would just sleep it off.

Right here, against these overly perfect pillows and these warm silk sheets, she’d sleep the drugs off and then leave. She was being an inconvenience right now. She’d pay Gilgamesh for letting her stay here. She had some money. Not like him, but she did alright.

Her eyes opened.

She wasn’t sure when she’d closed her eyes, but they opened to a view of the man himself, laying beneath the sheets with her. His hand was brushing through her hair, his face was so close. Her view was just those eyes and that face and the tiny start to some face stubble on his cheeks.

“You need to sleep,” the man’s voice murmured.

It was true. She really did need to sleep, but, for the moment, she was awake. She had the opportunity to see the great CEO of Uruk before her very eyes.

“You’re always perfect,” Hakuno marveled softly.

A guy who didn’t mince words when he knew they would sound brutal. A guy who would take a girl home if she was without sense and see her to bed without doing anything. A guy who would rescue someone if they were in the midst of a bad and unforgivable situation…

The man was one that she could see anyone happily accepting, even if he could be an arrogant ass.

“Are you still awake?”

She may have kissed him.

Hakuno could imagine it, the sight of those normally knowing and arrogant eyes widening as she pressed her lips to his. She could imagine him closing them, making her do the same through example. She could imagine the taste of his mouth, all warm liquor and something sweet. Maybe cinnamon.

She could even imagine his arms around her, pulling her close in the bed, pressing her against himself.

What would it be like, she wondered, to be under the receiving end of this kind of attention all the time? To be able to hold and be held by Gilgamesh.

Somehow, what her mind thought this moment, with the feeling of his warm embrace and the sweetness of his lips against her own; Hakuno couldn’t imagine a better paradise.

[nierly-amazing]

I know I’ve written something similar before and maybe I'm being petty and reading into shit too much, but I honestly just can’t deal with 9S haters. Like, you got the generic weeby incels that are jealous that their fictional waifu is interested in nerdy twink 9S which shatters their "feemales only go for the chads" shitty worldview. Those are easy enough to ignore because they’re just shit people in general and not worth my time. Plus it’s really straightforward and doesn’t have me sitting down thinking “why does this bother me so much?”.

But then you have another group of people that I honestly can’t stand because you look at their hot takes on 9S and think “did we even play the same game?” They reduce him to some flat one dimensional possessive/whiny man child thot boi (No I’m never gonna forget that insult because it’s horrifically beautiful).

I’ve been wondering why it annoys me so much when I don’t really care if people don’t like my favs from other stories and I think it’s a mix of a few reasons. 

One is like I mentioned above in that they get his character so wrong, it’s like they played an entirely different game. 

Another is that they act like the negative (and “negative”) things he does do is for completely no reason whatsoever without acknowledging a whole bunch of fuckshit that helps make him who he is “today”. So we just got “oh he’s possessive and violent and whiny ew” without even thinking about: 

All the trauma that 9S went through both before, and during route C.

The fact that he was infected by a logic virus for most of route C. Yes, most. I don’t remember where but it says in some supplementary material that the virus was fucking with him since way before he transplanted the arm.

The fact that the Red Girls and machines were tormenting him during route C and already pushing him to the extremes. Remember what happened in the Soul Box? Plus Adam torturing him about his feelings for 2B in the copied city wasn’t exactly helpful.

The fact that his only purpose was to be a disposable information gatherer for a pointless war. He was designed with a friendly and curious and emotional personality and was forced to work alone for a lot of his life, told that he wasn’t allowed to display those emotions, and punished with death whenever he got too curious. I’d say he gets a pass to whine about missions every now and then.

The fact that 2B killed him and erased his memories FORTY-SEVEN times and just because she hates doing it and he forgives her doesn't change the fact that she did it and how much it would mess up his perception of anything really. (Bonus points if they think 2B's some perfect stoic lesbian goddess who can do no wrong and has absolutely no romantic interest in 9S). Same with the fact that she was still cold and strict with him most of the time they were together even if he did eventually find out she’s not like that deep down.

The fact that 2B was the one and only constant in his life through all his resets. It would take a fucking saint to not develop some unhealthy attachment/possessive thoughts in that situation. Especially with the Red Girls tormenting him by trying to delete his memories of her in the Soul Box. Like it’s not good or healthy and even I was like “nooo 9S baby please don’t be like that” in the clone fight/his possessive monologue in the book at that point. But it sure as hell is realistic and understandable to become possessive of someone that keeps getting taken away from you. 

The fact that he hates himself for the way he feels about 2B. He doesn’t act on any of his feelings and always backs off when 2B says no about anything from calling him “Nines” to taking a break after a mission. He might grumble and complain a bit but pretty quickly shuts up. 

The fact that he lost everything he loves in the span of a few hours and watched the most important person in the world get skewered by a smelly cryptid doppelganger. (Pile on the fact that said smelly cryptid doppelganger did nothing to clear things up about it when there were plenty of easy ways to do so (don't get me wrong I love A2, but she's an idiot)).

The fact that even in his route C rampage his anger was still only directed at machines and A2. He helped other androids without complaints, even ones he didn't know. And he was still visibly upset when he saw Pascal's Village and Pascal’s memory loss. 

This whole nonsense reminds me of some SU discourse of people hating on Lapiz for the way she responded to Jasper's abuse. Could she have made better decisions? Maybe. But she was trapped in a mirror for 5000 years, immediately attacked after being released, then captured and tortured again. What the hell do you expect?

And to a lesser extent, it reminds me of how people react to Shinji, calling him whiny and tell all those “get in the fucking robot” jokes. The poor kid went through so much shit comparable somewhat to what 9S went through.

I guess the thing that really bothers me is that I relate really hard to 9S and the shit he went through (obviously to a much lesser extent, thankfully I haven’t lost all of my loved ones in a horrific massacre or anything like that). But I can relate to having everything falling apart in my life and not having the support or experience I needed to get through it without fucking up a lot. 

And as an autistic person with a bunch of other brain shits, I was so happy seeing a character that was (intentionally or not) coded with these same things. So it gets me, even more, when I see people going “ew no he’s bad” because of those traits as if they expect someone with no support network or therapy to just be able to Handle It All on their own. When I see people refusing to be compassionate towards 9S for what he’s gone through, I’m reminded of people that refuse to be compassionate to good people who’ve fucked up because they’re unable to deal with it on their own. (And I sure as hell wouldn’t be surprised if they’re the same people.)

You can like a character or person at the same time as acknowledging what they’re doing wrong. (And on the flip side you don’t have to ignore the faults of characters you do like and paint them as beautiful flawless goddesses).

It’s not often you get a kind, gentle, and emotional male character that doesn’t act all high and mighty and above the female characters just because he’s a dude. It’s also not often you get the scripts flipped in terms of gender expectations as well. Give him a chance to come back and grow past all the trauma that shaped him during route C. He’s a good boy. He’s little, and broken, but still good.

Yeah, still good.

I end this with the wise words of a good friend: “9S is great fuck all yall nerds learn some goddamn empathy the end”.

[miracleboiz]

Making a Home Ch.15

Kita Shinsuke had experienced a lot in life. He had been raised with his grandmother, a loving foster parent and for some time he followed in her foot steps before finding his own path. He thought his foster care license had expired before getting a call at three am with two small boys thrust into his arms. Miya Osamu and Atsumu, from broken homes but still fighting. Thirty days before his license expires. Thirty days to make a choice, keep the boys or let them be separated into different homes. Thirty days to fall in love with them.

Words: 4k

Relationships: Gen

Warnings: Mention of past child abuse, non-graphic abuse

Not from Kita, but it is mentioned. I will post any warnings before any panic attacks or vague descriptions of abuse.

Read below or on AO3

“I’m just saying, you suck and Pokemon is clearly better than Digimon.”

Atsumu had given up on trying to figure out Shigeru and Rintaro’s relationship after watching them share lunch and start kicking each other. Hitoshi and Shinji hadn’t seemed surprised at their fighting and they hadn’t actually hurt each other. Though Atsumu had nearly had a heart attack when he’d seen a teacher run over when they had started practicing their taekwondo.

Osamu had latched onto Atsumu’s side throughout the last twenty minutes of lunch after she was finally persuaded that they hadn’t actually been fighting. Shinji had politely stepped between the twins and the outraged teacher, all smiles and polite words before she backed down.

Rintaro didn’t seem to mind the admonishment but he quickly looked guilty after catching Osamu’s eye and finding him clutched onto his brother. Shigeru looked far more ashamed after Shinji turned to him with a glare that had him hunkering down beside Hitoshi and Osamu. Shinji cast one last annoyed look at both of them before taking his seat back beside Atsumu.

“They’re not in trouble,” Shinji tried to soothe Osamu on their way back to the classroom when he was still holding onto Atsumu. There was nothing Atsumu could think to say to calm him down, he didn’t know how this school worked and his own chest was still pounding. What if the teacher assumed they’d all been breaking the rules and called Shinsuke?

“Are you sure?” Osamu mumbled, fist curled in his shirt and Atsumu had to keep reaching back and pulling the cloth from his mouth. He could only imagine Shinsuke would be upset to find chewed holes in the clothes he spent so much money buying especially if he thought they’d been fighting.

“I promise. Ito-sensei is a very big stickler for the rules is all, but she won’t do anything more than call our parents to tell them and I know Tatay won’t be upset at all. Rintaro-kun’s parent’s don’t seem to mind what he does at all, so neither of them will be in trouble.” Shinji tried to assure him and Osamu glanced up at him, eyes filled with worry but Shinji just smiled. “I promise Osamu. We’re friends, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Osamu relaxed at that, finally letting go of his shirt though his arm stayed wrapped around Atsumu’s. He glanced back at the two arguing over Pokemon and Digimon, Hitoshi pressed between the two to prevent any punches, before looking at Shinji and nodding.

“Friends… Okay.” 

Shinji seemed to brighten even more, happily chattering away with Osamu about all the times Shigeru and Rintaro had gotten into trouble.

Atsumu wasn’t sure what to make of everything that happened. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what to make of everything that started since the hospital. That side of his face still burned, though no one had mentioned it, and reminded him that he wasn't supposed to talk back to his foster parents.

But Shinsuke seemed different. Or maybe Atsumu just wanted him to be different. Atsumu was tired of being passed around and unwanted. Just completely and utterly, tired.

Looking at Osamu smiling though and seeing a new friend, a real friend who wouldn’t be forced to say goodbye in a few days, in Shinji. Atsumu couldn’t help but let a little bit of hope blossom in his chest.

“So how were the twins this morning?” Aran tried to sound conversational, as if he wasn’t holding up 90% of Shinsuke’s weight with a single arm.

“Are you trying to distract me by talking about my kids?” Shinsuke managed to grit out, squeezing closer as Akagi sped past with three toddlers on his tail. Aran’s eyes glittered at Shinsuke’s words and Shinsuke couldn’t help but get distracted by the lips curving up.

“Yes, I am trying to distract you by talking about your kids.” Aran didn’t even bother trying to pretend, smiling down at him. Heat flared on Shinsuke’s cheeks and he looked down at the ice in front of his feet for a moment before Aran’s jostle reminded him to look ahead.

“... They’re fine. They didn’t want to go this morning but I can’t exactly home school them, though I’m sure they’d prefer that… They need to be around others their age and take care of themselves, they won’t always have a parent around to help them get along with others and they can’t learn if they never experience anything.”

“Mm, is Atsumu still upset about getting in trouble?” Aran carefully let an inch slide between them as Shinsuke groaned at the reminder. That night at dinner, he’d been forced to admonish Atsumu for flinging potatoes at Aran and Atsumu had sulked for hours on his bed way into Sunday.

“I still can’t believe he did that, but he seemed to have forgotten why he was in trouble by the time lunch came around on Sunday though he was still scared to do anything wrong. I might see if I can get him tested for ADHD, it’s a fine line between trauma responses and rejection sensitivity dysphoria especially at such a young age. Not to mention he hyperfixates and completely forgets to do anything else,” Shinsuke hummed, completely unaware of the very loose hold Aran had on his arm as they skated together. “Then he turns around and can’t do anything for more than a few minutes before he starts scrambling all over the place for something else to do. It’s almost like watching a squirrel take two hours to crack open a nut and then go insane without another nut to open. Trauma can be helped and in many cases overcome with only a little affecting him later, but RSD will never go away and I don’t want to make him feel like a failure for not being able to do the same things as his brother… You distracted me.”

Aran laughed at the shocked and betrayed look on Shinsuke’s face and Shinsuke ignored the rather nice feeling of warm butterflies in his chest to glare as best as he could at his friend. Aran didn’t mind though, arm sliding lower until his fingers brushed over Shinsuke’s wrist like wings. A shiver ran through Shinsuke at the touch, fingers twitching.

Holding hands wouldn’t be… bad right? They were friends after all and Akagi was always holding his hand. Besides… It’s not like it mattered if anyone thought they were a couple, they were both single adults. Or rather Shinsuke was hoping Aran was single, it would be horrible luck to find out Aran was engaged or something to some volleyball player in Brazil or something.

“Do you mind if I-?” Aran started, each brush of soft finger pads like a thousand shocks and Shinsuke grabbed his hand, using it to steady himself for a second before just holding it.

Aran didn’t seem to have anything to say to that and Shinsuke would have sworn there was a dark tint of a blush growing over his cheeks. He almost leaned in closer to check but Aran looked away instead, eyes darting across the room. Shinsuke let his own gaze drop to the children around them, wondering how the twins were doing in class and trying not to focus on how foolish he felt.

This wasn’t a date. They were here as friends with Oomimi and Akagi, that was all. Aran was just as nice as he was when they first met and helping him skate, there was no need to bring unnecessary emotions into the mix. Besides, it had been three years since they were properly friends, there was no way Aran liked him after so much time apart. They were different people now…

Shinsuke couldn’t help but loathe the feeling of regret and quiet mourning of chances lost that rolled in his chest. As much as they were both at fault for falling apart, he didn’t have any right to regret his choices now. He’d made his decisions after all and Aran hadn’t been one of them, but still his heart wondered what might have been.

“What about Osamu?” Aran said after a minute of the silence growing heavier, stifling both of them. Thinking about the boys was a breath of fresh air.

“He’s a lot better at focusing if you ask him too, but he’s quiet and won’t talk sometimes for hours. I’m not sure how much of that is from abuse or if it’s from something completely unrelated. He could just be a quieter kid. He doesn’t seem to be nearly as sensitive to getting in trouble, though he’s often scared. He’s more hyperactive than Atsumu though. As long as Atsumu can move his fingers he’s fine. Osamu needs to move his feet and run. Video games are perfect for Atsumu but Osamu finds them boring more often than not, or rather, he finds Atsumu’s ten minute play time of a game before he switches boring.” Shinsuke listed off, not quite realizing how much effort he’d put into the boys’ even as Aran stared open-mouthed at him. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m just surprised you… Well actually, knowing you I’m not surprised at all,” Aran laughed and Shinsuke swore he’d never looked more attractive, “you care, so much. You’re just… amazing you know that?”

Any breath left in Shinsuke’s chest seemed to disappear as brown eyes met his, filled with affection and understanding. Regret flooded Shinsuke, for a path not chosen. Maybe in another life, he’d called Aran and confessed, maybe he’d planned his life to include a partner. Maybe he’d had no plan at all and lived his life like Akagi, day to day, effortlessly expanding his view of the world. Perhaps in a different life he’d had a plan, one of living his own life of simplicity with an unbreakable thread reaching across the country to tie effortlessly on the finger of a professional volleyball player with kind eyes and a loving heart.

But that wasn’t this life.

“Watch out!” Akagi’s voice was a few seconds too late and Shinsuke found himself falling forward as three separate bodies piled into him. Strong arms wrapped around him, almost cradling him before Aran’s voice broke through the confusion and adrenaline. He had to force himself not to think of how warm Aran managed to be even through the jacket as he tried to straighten up and slipped again.

“Akagi! Don’t send kids to tackle people.”

“They were aiming for Oomimi! You just got in the way.” Akagi whined back, the soft sounds of ice scratching against steel got closer before Shinsuke felt a hand on his back. “Hey, you okay?”

“I am fine, the children-” He glanced around, only to see two of them had taken off racing each other while the third was still trying to get Oomimi who had made it to the other side of the rink.

“Eh, they’re fine, you cushioned their fall and one even managed to hang onto Aran. How much do you lift buddy? Just the entirety of Japan or do you sometimes add in the weight of New Zealand?” Akagi laughed, slipping a hand under Shinsuke’s arm and helping him to his feet again. Shinsuke’s fingers suddenly felt cold as Aran’s hand slipped away.

“I never understand what you’re saying,” Aran sighed, shaking his head almost tiredly though he looked fond. Akagi just grinned enthusiastically back at him, gently pushing Shinsuke back at him.

“Neither do I, my good sir, neither do I. Oh there’s Ren, I hafta get him.” Akagi twisted to jet off after Oomimi’s rather slow slide past, a four year old clutching tight to his leg with no parents in sight. Shinsuke sighed, reaching out and grabbing the back of his jacket, ignoring his yelp.

“Do not send children to tackle anybody else, Akagi Michinari,” He ordered, eyes narrowed on Akagi’s. “I am not protecting you from the police or from angry parents.”

“Yessir! I’m just trying to help, you two are so helpless- I mean I am very sorry please forgive me.” Akagi squeaked out rather quietly, hunkering down into his jacket to get away from Shinsuke’s glare. Shinsuke sighed, carefully letting go and trying not to stumble back.

He really was not made for his feet not being on solid ground. This time there wasn’t a warm hand though, and he struggled for a moment before gaining his feet under him and carefully turning around back to Aran.

Aran looked amused, if not a little curious as he eyed Akagi’s back. The shorter man skated towards Oomimi, nearly crashing into him before grabbing his jacket and yanking on it until Oomimi finally tilted his head down to let Akagi whisper something into it. Oomimi’s eyes glanced at the two of them before they rolled back and he started to skate away, dragging Akagi with him.

“Do you think they’re up to something?” Shinsuke asked after a moment, meeting Aran’s amused gaze.

“If they’re not, I’m going to be more annoyed that Michinari somehow managed to find a way to be even more obnoxious.” Aran sighed, but a grin was building on his lips as he tipped his head to motion for them to start moving again. “Don’t get me wrong, I love him to death but sometimes I swear he’s got it out for me and any sense of dignity that I have.”

“You have dignity?” Shinsuke slid forward, wobbling before catching his balance. Only to laugh at the slack-jawed, wide eyed stare he received from Aran and instantly started to fall backwards.

He was about to start praying Akagi wasn’t watching, when he felt an arm catch him again. Shinsuke had half a mind to actually watch all those romance films that Akaashi was always trying to recommend to him, atleast one of them had to explain why whichever god of misery there was kept throwing him into Aran. It wasn’t fair to keep putting him against such a nice chest when he clearly had chosen a plan not involving him.

“You know, everyone in high school thought you were the kindest guy around. Never made a mean joke or harassed other people. They never knew you were the absolute worst and you continue to be to this day.” Aran said and Shinsuke pressed his lips together so he wouldn’t laugh. “You always managed to sneak by everyone when you played your little pranks, chuckling to yourself when you watched Akagi get pied and when Oomimi turned blonde. Now, you’ve evolved to mean words.”

“Don’t be a baby, Aran.” The laugh bubbled out and he pinched his eyes shut, trying to forget how absurd Aran’s face looked when he was faking his own betrayal. “I’m who I’ve always been.”

“... Nah,” the voice was soft and struck something in Shinsuke’s heart like a guitar string being picked, “you’re definitely not. But you are amazing, but also so unnecessarily stubborn. Like when you falsely insisted that Saltines are better than Ritz crackers.”

Shinsuke’s eyes flew open instantly. He hadn’t stood for such an insult when he was fifteen and he wasn’t doing it now.

“You take that back.” He said slowly, only vaguely aware of Aran’s touch sliding from him. His focus was completely on that irritatingly smug look on Aran’s lips as he skated backwards a few steps, leaving Shinsuke to fumble himself into a proper standing position.

“Ritz is just better, it’s not your fault you have no taste. After all you’re not a chef, it must be so hard- fuck.” Aran bolted as soon as Shinsuke moved forward, moving slowly but still managing to move. “Must… Must be hard to be… wrong.”

Aran’s laughter echoed around the rink, followed closely by Shinsuke’s murmured cursing he’d learned from Tooru’s need for Spanish when upset.

Oomimi slid towards the rink wall, letting Akagi unlatch himself as they watched the two.

“They’re idiots.” Akagi sighed, looking positively gleeful.

“I can’t believe Aran held him for almost thirty minutes. If he’d just shown Shinsuke the steps they could have just skated together-... remove your finger from my mouth.” Oomimi sighed at the hand over his lips, raising an eyebrow down at the shorter man.

“Look, I understand that you don’t get romance, but you have to think of it this way.” Akagi said, refusing to remove his hand. “Aran thinks Shinsuke could never like him back, and Shinsuke doesn’t do anything without a plan. So Aran’s trying to get what he can out of friendship, and Shinsuke’s trying to beat the crap out of him for insisting Ritz are better than Saltines.”

“How… did you know what they were fighting about?” 

“I may or may not have brought it up while waiting for Shin-kun to arrive to see if Aran would start a fight.” Akagi grinned widely, tapping the cold steel on his shoe against the ice before moving his hand to tug petulantly on Oomimi’s jacket. “C’mon! Now that they’re done flirting we can skate with them… also Shinsuke really doesn’t know how to skate and will probably fall on his face soon if we don’t help.”

“How’s the coaching job?” Shinsuke asked, almost two hours later, calves burning as he collapsed onto a bench. Aran was holding out a hot chocolate, his own carefully cradled next to his chest as he took the spot next to him. In the rink, a coffee-drunk Akagi was attempting to join in with the children’s skating class while Oomimi kept an eye on him from the wall.

“It’s going well… kind of weird to have a bunch of kids looking up to me instead of working with adults but I like it.” Aran hummed, fingers curled around his coffee as he watched Akagi fail a spin and crash to the floor. “Though… I have two very interesting additions from this Friday.”

“Ah? What makes them interesting?”

“Remember Suna Eiichi from high school? Apparently he and Yamanaka Ai got married after all and had a kid… But they’re just as neglectful as they used to be, their kid’s something else. He’s smart, brilliant really, but he just seems to enjoy causing mischief more than anything… he’s skilled, and he works hard though… He snuck into my gym to try and join practice,” Aran said, quickly giving Shinsuke the rundown of Rintaro’s most well known escapades into middle school clubs.

“He did seem interested in volleyball, so if he sticks with it then I can keep an eye out and make sure he’s not harassing anyone who’ll actually punish him. It’s more like… he’s just overwhelmingly bored all the time. Then there’s Ginjima Hitoshi. Quiet but responsible, he’s always the first to try and help clean up and the last to leave besides me. He seems to try and keep Rintaro-kun out of trouble but I think having only one friend means he’s a little bit more lenient then Rintaro needs.”

“Aran,” Shinsuke hummed, amused, “they’re six. Not sixteen. They don’t have to be each other’s conscience. Give them atleast another year.”

Aran’s cheeks darkened with a blush that he hid behind his drink, looking away from Shinsuke.

“I forget sometimes I think.” Aran admitted with a sigh, body relaxing into a slouch. “What it’s like being a kid… I look at them and I just wonder ‘why won’t you ask for help?’ ‘why are you here if you don’t like the game?’ ‘why are you worrying over something that won’t matter to you in a few years?’ because I’m older now… They look silly to me, but I know it’s not silly to them. Rintaro-kun doesn’t know how to ask for something more challenging, he doesn't know how to say ‘I’m tired of being home alone’. Hitoshi-kun doesn’t know how to make other friends or how to say ‘don’t mock me for that, it hurts’. Yoshimoto can’t tell his parents ‘I hate volleyball, I wanted to join the calligraphy club’. It’s so easy for me that I think I forget that it’s not for them.”

“But you’re thinking about it from their side, that’s the first step.” Shinsuke said after a moment of silence, carefully moving closer until he could lean against Aran’s shoulder and let his feet hang instead of resting directly on the ground. “You just have to remember that everything they’re experiencing is probably for the first time. Rintaro-kun sounds like he’s never had someone ask what he wants before, he doesn’t know what to do. Hitoshi-kun’s never had someone tell him it’s okay to be hurt by things. They’re learning… which is after all, what humans do. We learn, and we grow. It doesn’t stop just because we become volleyball superstars.”

“I think you have me confused with Oikawa Tooru or Bokuto Kotaro, but thank you.” Aran laughed.

“No trust me… you’re better than either of them… you haven’t lit my shop on fire yet.” Shinsuke muttered the last part, trying to remember if he put the lighters away properly after Asahi bought sparklers for the Matsukawa kids.

“What was that?” Aran’s voice deepened in confusion but Shinsuke just shook his head, resting it on his shoulder. He could feel Aran stiffen under him before he relaxed slowly, a soft sigh escaping from him.

“Even adults have things to learn… Not all of us can say ‘I like you’ or ‘you’re my best friend, I’m sorry I messed up’ or even ‘stop showing up at my house and climbing into my bed Michinari, you literally have a guest bed for that and you never take your socks off’.” Shinsuke hummed, eyes on the laughing skater in the rink, surrounded by kids showing him how to spin. “Sometimes adults can’t even say ‘I’m sorry’ but you have to grow, it just takes a bit.”

“Shinsuke…” Aran said before he stopped himself, watching Shinsuke lift his head curiously to look him in the eye. Pretty silver eyes made his heart jump into his throat and he just smiled. Words pressed against his lips, dancing on his tongue like a thousand songs but nothing came out. No confession, no proclamation, no heartfelt oath, not even a promise.

“You’re going to be a great Dad when you stop being stubborn and adopt those boys.” He said instead, watching the mirth brighten Shinsuke’s face as he shook his head.

“I have an interview with an adoptee this afternoon. They’ll be better off with someone devoted to them.”

Aran didn’t bother to mention that Shinsuke was already devoted to him. He didn’t think it needed saying, Shinsuke knew it. He just needed a little time to grow and learn how to change the routine he held himself so dear to. 

Aran would be there this time, every step.