#shhhh shhhh im getting ahead of myself

[skitskatdacat63]

"If you asked me yesterday or last week if we had any chance to be in the top five, or even fighting for the podium, I would tell you no. Now, I don't know if I can be so sure, so...let's try."

[monalisaasims]

Fanta Kama-Cole as told by Deacon Cole:

As summer roles around Fanta graces our June issue in what we call ‘Pop-Glamour’ and her husband has all the tea in this first one-on-one interview!

DEACON COLE: Okay… are you nervous? Cos I’m nervous..

FANTA COLE: Why are you nervous?

DC: I don’t know, I don’t want to mess it up…

FC: You won’t mess it up baby, you got this!

DC: haha, thanks for the confidence. Right, so welcome everyone! Im Deacon Cole and im here with my beautiful wife looking at the stunning view of Del So Valley from our back garden as Fanta removes her make up from the shoot wearing my SG shirt that I’ve been looking for since Christmas…

FC: I stole it and never gave it back.

DC: What’s new.

FC: Did you actually not know I took it?

DC: Shhhh, I’m asking the questions.

FC: Fine baby go ahead, I’m sorry.

DC: First question I know you all are dying to know, What’s one item you can’t leave the house without?

FC: Ermm… I’d say my sunglasses!

DC: that’s true, you always have a pair.

FC: I think because we are so open and literally get noticed everywhere having on sunglasses gives me a sense of privacy, even thought I know we aren’t in private.

DC: We have three daughters..

FC: A handful.

DC: Tell me about it. What is something they take from your wardrobe?

FC: You know what’s crazy? Even though they are all very young they each have such distinct styles…

DC: They have alot of personality don’t they?

FC: Yeah Mary, our oldest, is already picking her own clothes and she basically copies what you wear actually…

DC: Mary steals all my clothes, all the time…

FC: Yh she loves wearing your tops as dresses..

DC: …with Jean shorts and black converse’s.

FC: haha you got it. So Mary would be in your closet before she’s in mine. Crystal is very girly and she wants everything pink, so anything in that pastel light pinky colour she would love to steal and Valerie is probably the closest to my style, she’s got a mix going but loves accessories…

DC: she’s another who steals from closet…

FC: haha, Yh she’s accumulated all your sunglasses and caps.

DC: being in a house full of girls really makes me feel special.

FC: baby, you love it I know…

DC: you have been modelling for almost 10 years now…

FC: omg really?!?

DC: that’s a very long time.

FC: it’s flown by honestly.

DC: what’s your tip for new aspiring models?

FC: consistency and drive. No brand is too small for me. I took every job that was offered to me and saw it as experience, even now I try to also work with smaller less know designers. Your never have enough knowledge so be consistent in learning.

DC: Who’s your fashion role model?

FC: Obviously our mums!

DC: Our mothers are real fashionistas.

FC: it’s crazy! My mum dresses to impress for any occasion doesn’t matter what it is and your mum just looks like she never makes efforts but looks stunning.

DC: They out dressed us at our wedding to be honest.

FC: Yeah, they just know what looks good on them. My love for clothes and dressing up came from mum since a young age. I’d always sneak into her wardrobe wearing all her clothes and she loved watching me being creative with it. She was super supportive.

DC: You have a lot of model friends who are successful designers, what have you learned from them?

FC: that I prefer wearing the clothes then making them… I don’t know, the process of designing is so personal and intricate I don’t think I could do it. It’s like how you are with music, I’d get so attach and separating myself from my designs for someone else to wear, I’d find it difficult.

DC: being a creative is hard.

FC: super.

DC: Your always busy, what do you do to wind down?

FC: I think my ideal chill time would be snuggling with you in bed with a glass of wine watching Love is blind.

DC: don’t expose me.

FC: haha, the faces you make every time something unhinged happens is my happiness. Your always at the end of your seat to know what happens next.

DC: it’s crazy how addicted I am to that show, I can’t get enough!

FC: movie nights with the kids is also a nice chill time.

DC: yeah, making memories are what’s important.

FC: definitely.

DC: What music are you enjoying right now.

FC: Baby Ariel just dropped her first album which was amazing.

DC: she’s killing it. Mary is always blasting her album!

FC: Yes, she great but I also love the newest song from you upcoming album.

DC: which one?

FC: sonder. it’s so good! It might be my favourite song of yours ever baby.

DC: shameless plug, the mv is out and it’s stars my wife so go check it out.

FC: shooting the music video was the best thing I’d done all year!

DC: Thank you babe, Lastly what was your favourite look from today?

FC: I can’t choose… I loved all of them! The black sheer dress was definitely a vibe though, which one did you like?

DC: I like them all too. I think the closest one to your style would be the oversized yellow Jack number you had on.

FC: I’m stealing it for sure.

DC: you looked badass.

FC: thank you baby.

DC: that’s it! Thank you all for joining us.

FC: bye guys.

[ff-12]

Ask game? Ask game asks for soup?? Ok!

💝 🎭 🖕 For Rick AND Summer :)

ASKS AT WORK ARE THE BEST ASKS SHHHH im the boss im allowed

💝- a headcanon about their love language

summer is SUCH a quality time kinda gal! interdimensional cable, intergalactic fieldtrips, tag or hide n seek as a youngster.... if she has to verbalize her feelings youre not paying attention!!

rick THINKS hes a verbal affection sort of guy... buuut not really! hes all about ACTIONS. i mean *waves at the entire show* need i say more?? light his cig, break out the glasses, blindfold him..... getting ahead of myself tho.

🎭- a headcanon for what they lie about

HUH interesting!! to preface this, neither of them necessarily Lie, its more like, lies by omission so!

summer doesnt like for people to nose in her business, if its not on her timeline theres nothin to know! so what if she was out till 11pm it wasnt a party or anyfin, she was just hangin out. no dont go lookin at her socials! its not important

rick...rick is the omissions expert...what did he do last night? terrible question, even he doesnt remember. best to ask what DIDNT happen before he wanders off again

🖕- a headcanon about their anger

ive been sitting and chewing on this for the better of a few hours now....ive lost the original anger headcanon prompt BUT no turning back!

consider this a 2 for 1 event! because.....

horticulture! weve all seen the fanart of prime and rick with the greenhouse plants, yea? and this way, instead of having to say anything, they both have their own area in the greenhouse...time to themselves to let the emotions dissipate...

for rick its a remnant from a bygone era

for summer its a chance to be in her own little bubble, without prying eyes or too many questions.... somefin rick can understand

[extreme-technicality]

i read ur entire ninjago post and now im lowkey invested,,, tell me abt ur daughter rumi

*evil laughter* yesssss, join meeeeee~~~

OKAY BUT MY EVIL DAUGHTER RUMI THO

She has like, fairly good motivations for Being Evil (as far as evil backstories go), and honestly if the writers had LET HER LIVE it could’ve been SO interesting, but I’m getting ahead of myself lmao. She was orphaned off-screen at the end of s1, and got adopted by the Ninjago Royal Family shortly after (why does ninjago have a royal family? who fucking cares lmao). BUT, she grew up hating the ninja because she blames them for her parents deaths. And since Garmadon was the one who actually killed the thing that killed her parents, he’s the only acceptable parental substitute in her mind. Basically, this poor girl has a lot of unprocessed grief and trauma and is coping as best she can - well, ish. She was actively choosing to manipulate literally everyone around her and attempting to bring back Lord Garmadon in his most evil form in order to enact her vengeance against the ninja specifically, but some people do that to COPE

And when I say she was manipulating everyone, I mean she was manipulating EVERYONE. Her parents, the staff, the other ninja - she played Lloyd like a fiddle at the start of s8, and the first hint we got was when she and Lloyd were having their heart-to-heart in s8e2(? I think). They were bonding over the stresses of their positions as leaders and the various masks they’ve had to wear and lay down, and Rumi mentions she has to spend most of her days in a mask. On the first watch, I took it at pretty much face value - she’s a princess, there’s a certain image and reputation she has to maintain, the mask she has to wear, and yeah maybe she likes girls instead of guys and that’s one more thing hidden under a mask, yknow? But once you find out that she’s SPEARHEADING the evil organization working to resurrect Garmadon, THAT CONVERSATION HAS SO MUCH MORE DEPTH!!!!! Honestly, the Rumi reveal is the best ninjago twist (imo) because it’s ASTONISHINGLY well-written!! There’s a few signs in the episodes leading up to the reveal, but they’re so subtle that unless you knew what you were looking for you wouldn’t see them!!!!!!! AND THEN THE DELIGHT ON HER FACE WHEN SHE COULD FINALLY SHED THE LAST OF HER MASKS AND WORK TO BRING GARMADON BACK AND HATE THE NINJA, LLOYD INCLUDED, OPENLY??? ABSOLUTELY UNMATCHED, MY BOY LLOYD WAS GETTING HIS HEART SHATTERED AND I FELT FOR HIM BUT ALSO SHE BECAME MY DAUGHTER IN THAT MOMENT AND SHE STILL IS

Also, there’s a lot about masks in the season - the monologuing from Rumi, plus the macguffins of the arc are three Oni masks: the Mask of Delusion, the Mask of Rage, and the Mask of Vengeance. The moment Rumi unmasks herself is also the moment she takes the Mask of Vengeance for herself, and if I had more brain power I would ABSOLUTELY analyze the FUCK out of that symbolism but I CANT RIGHT NOW AND AAAAAAAAAA

anyway lmao

Another thing I really liked was that Lloyd pointed out that she had a support network available to her, if she wanted it - doubtless the Emperor and Empress of ninjago could’ve gotten her therapy, she was in a stable environment, there were a NUMBER of people who loved and wanted to help her, but she CHOSE to stay rooted in her pain and trauma. She still deserved help!! But her ACTIONS were the problem, because she CHOSE those willingly, and the narrative points that out.

Regardless, she brings Garmadon back and he’s evil and heartless and they’re a perfect pair, honestly, he adopts her in a fashion during s9 and honestly it’s kinda sweet. I CRAVE fics where she lived and disappeared with her gf and Garmadon after s10 and they kinda fuck off for a bit, healing and becoming a Family (that does crime together on the weekend but shhhh) until Lloyd and the other ninja find them and go “oh hey ur our family too now, deal with it 😎”. UN FUCKING FORTUNATELY, she died and I’m high key mad about it!!!! Picture this: Lloyd and Garmadon are having another city-destroying fight, and Rumi goes “fuck this shit I’m OUT” and dips. She’s going through a building and comes across a family going through the exact same situation that resulted in her parents dying and her path to vengeance. She opts to save that family, and she gets a fucking BUILDING collapsed on her in thanks!!!! BRO OKAY LIKE I GET THE SYMBOLISM THEY WERE GOING FOR, BREAK THE CYCLE AND END VENGEANCE OR WHATEVER, BUT IT WOULDVE BEEN SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL IF SHE HAD SAVED THE PARENTS, THAT LITTLE GIRL, AND HERSELF IN THE PROCESS!!!! SHE GETS THEM OUT, IT LOOKS LIKE SHE DIED, TURNS UP AT THE END OF THE SEASON AND GOES TO THERAPY, SURVIVES S10 AND THEN FUCKS OFF WITH GARMADON TO REMEMBER HOW TO BE A FAMILY!!!!! IM GOING FERAL THINKING ABOUT WHAT RUMI COULDVE BEEN BRO!!!! SHE WAS ALREADY SO GOOD AND THEN THEY JUST!!! DROPPED HER!!!!!!!!!! AND I DONT THINK IM EVER GONNA NOT BE MAD ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY EVIL DAUGHTER DESERVED BETTER AND I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ESPECIALLY since just about every season after she dies, there’s SOME reference to how hurt Lloyd is that she’s gone, or how badly she fucked him up, and basically just dragging out that fake forced romance longer than it kinda should’ve been dragged out. Literally none of that matters!!!! Or, it does, but not NEARLY as much as Rumi’s squandered potential matters!!!! And honestly I just think it would’ve been a much better dynamic if Lloyd and Rumi had gone from “hey I thought we were dating but you tried to kill me” and “I hate your fucking guts and blame you for the deaths of my parents :)” to “siblings who irritate the CRAP out of each other but are low key ride-or-die”. Let them be SIBLINGS for fucks SAKE

Oh I didn’t really talk about her gf did I?? Well one of Rumi’s underlings is a punk biker named UltraViolet and like, none of it was TEXT, but Rumi and UltraViolet DEFINITELY had something going on. I choose to interpret it as evil lesbians because I think it’s what they deserve, but that’s just me lmao (and I’m right)

Ooh no WAIT, UltraViolet got yeeted to prison post-s9, and honestly if Rumi has lived I think she would’ve faced the same fate (still, she needs therapy at SOME point), so in my personal canon the first thing Garmadon does after fucking off post-s10 is he busts Rumi and UV out of jail and then they like. Idk. Travel or something. Discover the meaning of family. Go to therapy together (how many times can I say therapy in a single post??? Let’s Find Out). Fucking LIVE dude, I just want them to be HAPPY

[wheresmaldo865]

ShinsoXReader Valentine Day Special Featuring Song Dead Girl walking from the Heathers

 Happy Valentines day! I got this idea in my head and decided to type this up. I originally wanted to do it for Bokugo but wanted to extend my characters palette... since my inbox is always empty :(

But any way, full steam ahead! I didn’t really get the chance to do detailed editing so please forgive me if theres any errors. Also the song is a little out of order so that some things make more sense.

Also, someone please tell me how to properly spell this kids name. I seen it boths ways with and without a u 😭

There a little doodle of Shinsou at the end 😉

Warning: Vanilla smut (Nothing detailed)

Word Count: 1752

‘The Demon queen of high school has decreed it, she says Monday, 8am I will be deleted. They’ll hunt me down in study hall. Stuff and mount me on the wall. Thirty hours to live, how shall I spend them?’

            Standing there in a ghostly empty party room was the worst nightmare anyone could have imagined. A ruptured friendship. Three ugly sisters with more power then they deserved. Yet, she forgot.

           She had put herself into this whole mess. She had wanted to be part of the ugly sister comment. The bitter sweet sensation had brought her satisfaction and acceptance between her other peers.

Now it was… only bitter.

Because (Y/n) had even had the audacity to stand against them. They made it a public statement to make her live a living hell. As if the room hadn’t already been hot before.

Her palms were sweaty from the wild night she had. Her school uniform stuck to her cold skin a bit to tightly. (Y/n) collar seemed to squeeze tighter, and tighter as the night went on.

I don’t have to stay and die like cattle. I could change my name and ride up to Seattle. But I don’t own a motorbike.

           (Y/n) contemplated the endless options she could muster. Running away to the next town… or a town across the seas. Her parents didn’t need to know. No one needed to know anything. However, the more she thought upon one idea. The more ridiculous it ended up sounding. Even in her own head.

           So, she continued on her way home. The summer night was overwhelmingly stuffy. Large beads of sweat formed on her forehead and rolled down her red cheeks. Right about now she wished for nothing more than a cold shower to run down her spine.  

                       Y/n) spotted a window spilling light onto the side walk. Her eyes followed the beam of light to a room seated on a two-story building. She could a shadow of a figure walk by. Long spoffy hair poking out from all angles of his head. (Y/n) chuckled to herself.

           She knew who the lavender purple hair belonged to.

There was suddenly an interrupting thought that came into her mind. Something devious, something… naughty. The liquor in her blood burned and set her body a flame. Desire hit her with a bus, especially in the lower area. The more she played with the idea. The wetter she became.

           Wait, here an option that I like. Spend these thirty hours getting freaky!

Yeah!

           I need it hard. I’m a dead girl walking!

 (Y/n) marched her pretty little face right up to the door of Shinsou’s house. The blood in her veins mixed with the alcohol pumped excitedly. She was feeling too good to turn back. There was no hesitation in her hands as she lifted it to ring the doorbell twice.

           She waited patiently for the door to open.

I’m in your yeard. I’m a dead girling walking. Before they punch my clock. I’m snapping off your window lock. Got no time to knock. I’m a dead girl walking…

           The door finally opened. She was greated by the man himself, Hitoshi Shinsou. Someone she saw frequently in her life and had… affections toward. One could say the feelings were returned. There was only one way to find out now.

           “(Y/n)? What’re you doing in my house?”

She smiled innocently. She took her pointer finger and pressed it gently onto Shinsou lips. She found it amusing the way his eyes went wide. A blush slowly creeping its way onto his face.

           “Shhhh.”

Once Shinsou had finally regained his courage, he took her by the hand and led her inside. To him it was evident she wasn’t all put together, as she usually was. Before she could say anything more, he sat her up in his room. Giving her some water and medicine to replace the hangover pain she may have in the morning.

           “Better?” He asked with a soft smile.

She nodded. Though the courage in her heart did not disappeared with the buzz. (Y/n) scooted her body closer to his. Their shoulders, legs, and arms bumping in several places. The blushed rushed back to his, but he didn’t move away from her.  Her perfume flooded his senses. Rooting him in his place.

           Sorry, but I really had to wake you. See, I decided I must ride you ‘til I break you.

The blush on Shinsou’s cheeks traveled evenly to the rest of his face. He was completely blown away by the words that had just come out of his dear friends’ mouth.

           Of course, he adored his friend. He would risk life and limb for the women before him. On the other hand, this hadn’t been the way he had planned to confess to such a lovely girl.

           She was rubbing up against him in a way he almost couldn’t say no. Shinsou gently grabbed her by the shoulders and forced himself to pause for a moment. He had to be sincere now. For her sake.

           “Wait, wait! What has gotten into you?”

‘Cause Heather says I gots to go. You’re my last meal on death row. Shut your mouth and lose them tighty whiteys”

           (Y/n) turned the table on him. She wiggled her way around him. Pinning him underneath her on his bed. There was her scent again, intoxicating his mind. The way she moved to sit upon his waist did the unimaginable to him. He was beginning to feel tight in the jeans he wore.

           He shot up again. As much as Shinsou wanted this. The desire for her consent grew bigger than anything poking in his pants. He would hate himself for several eternities if she regretted this in the end.

           “Wait.” The word fell firmly to (Y/n) ears. Her giggles became put aside. She starred wide eyes and locked eyes with Shinsou Listening attentively to what he had to say to her.

           Shinsou’s eyes closed for a moment. He simply let himself be present in her presence. Allowing him to short his desires and feelings.

           “I…” He started but couldn’t finished until another second passed. “I have cherished you… for what seems like forever now. Watching you become such a powerful hero and wonderful friend. I would do anything to protect you from any harm. Even if that means it’s from myself. So, I have to know. You have to be certain.”

           Shinsou toned shifted from his love filled admiration to an urgent one. What he said next was a serious matter to him.

           “You have to be certain this is what you want. With me. A life and a future with someone like me. Otherwise, I’ll make sure you get home safe.”

           Shinsou’s room became painfully silent for a few moments. (Y/n) eyes traveled to his chest. Perhaps trying to dissect his rapidly beat heart for sincerity. When she came back to meet his gaze… Shinsou had a feeling she had her answer.

           A soft smile graced her lips. Her face was so close to his he could taste the drink she had on his tongue.

           And you know, you know, you know. Its cause you’re beautiful. You say you’re numb inside, but I can’t agree. So the worlds unfair. Keep it locked out there. In Here it’s beautiful. Let’s make this beautiful!”

            Her lips were on his in an instant. Her hands slide across his chest and up to his neck. Losing themselves in his wild hair. It took him a moment to register what was finally happening. Once he knew, boy. Did he respond. His arms found their way around (Y/n) waist and brought her closer to him. It didn’t take long before the grinding became heated. Kisses became hastily sloppy. Hands were slipping into places never touched by anyone else.

           One by one, clothes were beginning to come off.

 Tonight, I’m yours. I’m your dead girl walking! Get on all fours! Kiss this dead girl walking. Let’s, go you know the drill. I’m hot and pissed and on the pill. Bow down to the will- Of a dead girl walking!

            Shinsou had (Y/n) pinned down to his bed. His pillowed framing her face perfect, though her hair was already becoming a mess. The face she was giving him still droves his desire. He wanted you immediately. It was only a matter of time before Shinsou had his thumb hooked on the pants and panties (Y/n) had chosen to wear. Sliding them off her smooth (S/c) legs. The new cool air rubbing against her sex produced a whimper from her throat. Shinsou chuckled lighty at the reaction.

           He then removed his own shirt. Moving to then remove hers. He plucked the buttons one by one. The bra she wore was gone in a second. Revealing her total naked body to him. A sculpture he could marvel in for hours if he was given the time.

           Full steam ahead. Take this dead girl walking! Lets break the bed. Rock this dead girl walking. No sleep tonight for you. Better chug that Mountain Dew! Get your ass in gear. Make this whole town disappear.

                      (Y/n) rose up from her place. Starling Shinsou slightly. He let out a small yelp when he found himself on his back again. His face turned red again when (Y/n) undid the buckle of his pants and ran them down impatiently. As if he would run away when the clock struck 12.

           Her mouth found his member way too quickly for Shinsou to take. A loud groan caught him off guard as her wet lips wrapped around him. Her tongue swirling in all the right spots. Another growl ripped through his teeth when the full length of him hit the back of her throat. Combined with rhythmic pumping of her mouth and hand was almost too much for him. Shinsou had to protest for a stop before he would be completely spent.

           Sitting up and looking into (Y/n). He couldn’t be filled with anymore lust before her burst. It only took another minute for (Y/n) to lay on her back. Shinsou nestling himself between her legs. Teasing her wet entrance.

           A single push at the hip was all it took for him to be completely inside her.

  The rest of the night Shinsou and (Y/n) spent their new-found time tangled in each other. Pleasure and it each touch filled with loving passion. They shared every moment they could. Hot breathes, moans and kisses coming from their lips.

[musicdork]

thank u for letting me keep my anonymity for the time being v much appreciated😌 altho wheres that rattling coming from?? keeps getting louder but ohhhh wellll ,🧎🏽 pppsshhhhh dont worry about making long answers i LOVE RWADING ALL OF IT. its like getting a handwritten letter from someone exciting and its just not long enough!!! :,) plus like...i went on a chipotle tangent for like 1/3 of that last message i sent u.....so its ok dont worry about anything being too long bc i do long-ass messages+if anything long messages r the best

also holy SMOKES kakyoin as a streamer???? u bet ur ass id have notifs ON for his account😫 but SHHHH SHUHSH SHUSH OK the modern au means egypt=streaming hiatus, nothing more, no dying no injuries😭😭 also omg..if u start reblogging more bruno and kakyoin fanart i am going to be L O O K I N G maybe just a little bit disrespectfully.(maybe ill reblog more josuke fanart👀✌🏼)

ok so—it is jusabout one in the morning for me(probably 2 for u) and i have three assignments left before my semester is OVER WITH!!! whats ur major? how long have u been in school? also have u seen all parts of jojo anime? i would love to know. i have and im trying to read but i only finished part two. i also worry deeply if i am going to pass college : ) ok now GO TO SLEEP(tbh im lowkey telling myself this too), get that sleep schedule back on track!!!💨💨 i am going to be doing a bootyload of painting and moving tomorrow which i think overall is going 2 b very fun :^) i hope u have a nice day filled with fun things and yummy food!!

—u already know who it is ;) the stealthy healthy ;) anonymous anon ;)

[ u just sent in the ask about what i posted and im gLAD U SAW IT HAHAHA!! it’s such a good meme bro, hell yeah to you for being able to recite the whole thing. i mix up the words sometimes h ]

oo, im gonna timestamp. it’s 2:57 am hehe

very glad you don’t mind the long messages, that makes me feel better :’)) depending on how awake i am my replies will be either pretty long or short,, tired,,

aNYWAY!! i will lure you Out if i have to but respectfully >:] also i would Die if you reblogged more josuke art im,, i’d have to hunt down the Good Stuff(tm) for you my dude. we love our pretty men,, also might just reblog crack stuff too bc that shit’s funny hehe u bet ur Ass i will be lookin at josuke a lil disrespectfully hehe he’s,, pwetty im,,, wanna know what i like about kakyoin? his eyes... they are such a pretty purple,, brb sobbing

i have Given Up on my sleep schedule and just try to get things done when i can srkjefskj but doing school work is,, hard hhh. this is my freshman year!! so i just finished my first semester like,, on wednesday lmaoo exams are done but Not my assignments ahaha. need.. to do that >:( but for now i’m thinking of majoring in psychology + social justice with a possible minor in business hehe

what’s your major? :0 has this semester been difficult for you? it has for me tbh not the content itself but,, finding motivation to do work, you know? it’s weirdd. OH ELFEKFEKL I ALSO WORRY- about passing college,, ion know man idk how,,, i’m gonna survive next semester hhh i hope we both survive with good grades aaaa. 

i’ve seen all the parts of the anime!! i’m rewatching diu in sub and vento aeuro (?? i can’t italian im sorry) in dub!! diu is kinda a comfort part bc josuke,, and i wanted to get to know the p5 characters better bc it felt like i cruised through the season without paying much attention to the characters themselves. i commend you on reading the manga sldrfkrk all the way back to the first part,, to the second!! i started reading part 6 but i’m not very far in it haha. i got to the.. tenth chapter? ye. i think,,

i will try to sleep after the obligatory scroll through tumblr haha please sleep too! it looks like you have a big day ahead of you. please hydrate or die, eat what you can, snuggle kakyoin n bruno, they wanna snuggle you too don’t worry. i hope you have a good day tomorrow!! <3 [ 3:27 am, i spaced out a lot,, ]

OH IF YOU HAVE SPOTIFY, HERE’S A KAKYOIN PLAYLIST IT’S GREAT SLFMEKLS

[fearofaherobrine]

Roleplay Server Log #270

“Small Flight of Dragons, Storytime, Mb’s NOTCH”

[Endrea] Is herding her children towards the desert for another flying lesson for Ashe-

[CP] Is flying along with them, to help with Ashe as well-

-They're being shadowed...

[Endrea] - Sir, you seem in a better mood...

[CP] - Finally got some fucking sleep

[oak] -is staying close to endrea-

[willow] -is running ahead a little bit-

[Ashe] Runs ahead a bit to roll around in the sand-

[CP] Brings himself down towards the ground- So, am I watching the little ones?  or helping Ashe?

[Endrea] - I would appreciate it if you were to help Ashe

[Mb] Rushes up and suddenly attacks Cp from three different directions using his clones-

[Celine] Is running in an awkward way but she's not close enough to get in the way, she's also shouting something.

[CP] Surprised teleports out of the way a short distance and summons his weapons-

[Mb] Wild laugh and goes after him again, each clone has a sword- Yes! Finally rested enough to fight!

[willow] -runs over to celine- hi

[Celine] Looks agitated - No fight! Huh? Hi!

[CP] Nudges the Honedge a bit to get it into the action as well, it quickly obeys and focus's on one of the clones while CP focus' on the other two-

[Mb] Is obviously wildly happy as he parries, thrusts and slices at Cp.

[willow] -looks between celine and the fight- you no like fight?

[Celine] NO! No fight!

[CP] Hooks his pick around the hilt of one of the blades and pulls-

[Mbclone] Loses it's blade and goes for a sucker punch-

[CP] Ducks and aims his sword at the chest of the other one-

[willow] I help -runs over and tries to flap a little to maybe grab mb's leg-

[Mbclone] Gets stabbed and despawns-

[Mb] GET OFF OF ME!

[Celine] Runs to Endrea- You big! You stop them?!

[Endrea] - Certainly- Goes full size and simply puts a paw on MB

[Mb] Is squished and starts cursing in binary-

[Celine] Runs over and licks his face-

[Mb] FUUUUUCK

[Ashe] Had been watching, studying the fight-

[Endrea] - Your dragon asked me to

[Mb] Unhappy groan -

[Celine] You be good now!

[CP] Snickers-

[Celine] Snorts at Cp- No laugh! You be good too!

[CP] - I did nothing but defend myself

[Celine] snorts a little stream of poison gas from her nostrils that smells rather bad. -

[Mb] STOP SQUISHING ME!

[Endrea] - Will you stand down?

[Mb] Whatever.... - Looks resigned

[Endrea] Removes her paw and checks on her children-

[willow] -is rolling in the sand-

[oak] -is running around-

[Ashe] - We start now?

[CP] - Yeah, show me what you've got so far

[Ashe] Starts flapping and lifts off, he's relatively stable but falters a little-

[Endrea] Spreads her wings a little to provide shade for Willow and Oak if they want to rest because the desert is hot-

[oak] -takes shelter under endrea's wings-

[Endrea] - Are you alright Oak?

[oak] the sun is hot here

[Endrea] - Yes, that's because we're in a desert and deserts are very hot.

[willow] -is running around and rolling around everywhere even going up hills then down them-

[Endrea] - Be careful you don't get too hot Willow

[willow] I fear no heat roar

[Endrea] - Willow, such an attitude can get you very hurt or sick, you need to use caution

[willow] roar -starts running around again-

[Endrea] Huffs a little and reaches under her wing to nuzzle Oak- Thank you for being careful Oak

[oak] I don't want to get hurt so I will be careful always

[Endrea] - You will get hurt sometimes, but not as often as your sister is likely to...

[Ashe] Mis-judges his flaps and lands in the sand, CP helps him up and instructs him on how to correct the issue-

[oak] -loafs-

[Endrea] - Willow, come rest before you over heat

[willow] -runs around ashe and cp before reluctantly join in the shade-

[Endrea] Checks her daughter to make certain she's not overheated-

[willow] -is a little hot but not overheated-

[Endrea] Hums in approval- I know, while Ashe is having his lessons, why don't I tell you two a story, what would you like to hear?

[willow] I want to hear a story about adventure

[oak] I want to hear a funny story

[Endrea] - A funny adventure story perhaps?

[oak] yes

[willow] i like that idea

[Endrea] - Alright then, once there were two birds, one bright and white with a long tail, and another dull and brown but with a beautiful voice.  The two were best friends and were always together.  One day an elder in the tree told them about a treasure

[willow] -is listening closely-

[oak] -lays on his back to be extra comfortable while listening-

[Endrea] - The two birds decide to go after the treasure themselves, but it was very very far from home.  They said their good byes and left, flying through the blue sky.  The small brown one sang to entertain them on their travels while the large white one would help shelter the smaller one when ever they encountered strong winds

[Endrea] - They traveled for several days, almost falling out of the sky from exhaustion until they reached a great towering mountain which spat fire!  They didn't know how to get around it, and tried to land, but the ground was much to hot and there were no tree's!  They thought they would have to give up on their quest when some of the rocks moved and let off purple steam!  They were funny looking little creatures which were cooling down the ground

[Endrea] - The two birds decided to land on these silly creatures and found them nice and comfortable, but the white bird had suck a long tail that it still dragged on the ground becoming singed and burned!  But the two birds persisted and made it to the other side of the mountain by riding the weird animal.  They took to the sky once more and skimmed the bottom of clouds and knew they were getting close.  They were soo close when something loomed out of the clouds and blocked their path!  It was a giant!  Scary!  Bug!

[oak] oh no

[willow] destroy the bug for blocking the treasure

[Endrea] Laughs a little- The white bird tried to make itself as big as possible to scare the scary bug but it didn't work!  It just kept buzzing at them!  Soon the little brown bird began singing in a beautiful voice.  And guess what?  The bug fell asleep in the air!  it floated up snoring into the clouds to sleep

[willow] bye bye mean bug

[oak] the brown bird sings so pretty

[Endrea] The two birds hurry onwards and find a pretty little valley, the exact spot where the treasure is said to be!  The circled downwards and landed but saw nothing that glittered or gleamed.  They were very confused

[oak] so there was no gold or diamonds

[Endrea] - No, there wasn't.  Just as the two birds were about to mourn the lose of the treasure the air filled with the sounds of other birds as they came to surround the two birds.  They were so excited to see new friends and explained that the treasure wasn't anything physical, but the adventure and experience and new friends at the end!

[willow] I want to go on a friend finding adventure

[oak] I want to be able to sing as pretty as the brown bird

[Endrea] - Well, when you are old enough, you can go on adventures together or by yourself!  And if you practice singing, you can sing very prettily!

[willow] -jumps around excited- adventure!

[oak] -tries to practice sing and isn't very good-

[Liz] - comes bounding up to Endrea, shis bigger than before and carrying Alan across hir back. -

[Endrea] - Hello Liz!  I see you have a little friend

[Liz] Yes! This is... Sibling? Sibling! Alaaaaan! - turns head to nudge the curled up dragon-

[Alan] - soft grunt and look up from ring of materials-

[Endrea] - Yes, I've met him.  Are you taking good care of him?

[willow] -tries to get closer to alan- hi hi hi hi hi

[Liz] I'm trying! They're sensitive to a lot though...

[Alan] - small hiss at willow-

[Endrea] - Willow, back up darling

[willow] -runs around liz-

[Liz] - sticks leg out to trip willow- Alan doesn't like that!

[willow] -trips and tumbles-

[Endrea] Huffs a little- Willow, you need to calm down.  He's a baby, he gets overstimulated very easily

[Alan] - wiggles legs rapidly and wiggles on Liz's back -

[Liz] - stoops and lets Alan off-

[Alan] - takes a few steps along the sand only to try and scramble up onto Endrea since they're closer after walking a bit -

[Endrea] Hums pleasantly and helps Alan-

[willow] -is running around on a hill- adventure! adventure! adventure!

[Alan] - Scrambles up until they're settled between Endrea's wings. Comfortably curling up-

[Liz] - watches before plopping up against Endrea's side-

[Endrea] Calls Willow open- Come, take a rest for now

[willow] but adventure

[Endrea] - When you're older

[willow] awe -walks over sadly then plops next to her brother-

[Endrea] Makes sure that all the young ones are comfortable-

[Liz] Big mom?... - looks up at Endrea from spot-

[Endrea] Is a bit surprised- Yes?

[Liz] Love you....

[Endrea] Reaches over and nuzzles her a little- I love you too

[CP] Glances over at the dragons- Go on Ashe, join them, you must be getting tired

[Ashe] - Okay- He trots over to his mother and curls up next to her

[Liz] - flops leg over Ashe since shi sat down against Endrea first -

[Mb] Pulls himself up with a huff since he was just laying on the ground listening.

[Celine] Looks at the other dragons and then walks over to flop on Mb, laying her head over his shoulder and encircling him with her wings- love... You...

[Mb] Turns a bit pink but reaches up a little to scratch gently behind her bony frill. Softly - yeah yeah don't get mushy on me.

[Celine] Happy squeak anyway-

[Mb] Accidently makes eye contact with Cp

[CP] Smirks as he makes ready to leave-

[Mb] Im not done with you...

[Celine] Shhhh

[Mb] You want to fly or not?

[Celine] Eyes wide- fly? FLY! Yes.

[Mb] Cp can teach you.

[Celine] Thumps her tail excitedly

[CP] - What?

[Mb] I saw you helping snowball over here

[Celine] Hops up and runs awkwardly over to Cp- FLY! Want to fly!

[CP] - Fine, but let's find a decent hill first

[Celine] Charges awkwardly ahead

[Mb] walks alongside Cp- I heard you got to visit our illustrious creators. Hope you gave em a good scare at least.

[CP] - Absolutely the first time, choked one of them a little, and trapped another in a nightmare

[Mb] Gives a mean little laugh- wish I coulda been there...

[CP] Shows him the memories as they climb one of the sandy hills-

[Celine] climbs as well -

[Mb] Huge creepy grin- that's the good shit. Did the wife find out about it?

[CP] - Unfortunately, Notch came storming over in the middle of the night because he got a call about it

[Celine] Hops around excitedly at the top

[Mb] Fucking NOTCHs, so glad mine dead.

[CP] Kneels in front of Celine- Alright, let's see how well you can flap those wings of yours kiddo

[CP] - And I wouldn't be so sure about your NOTCH being dead. they've recently implemented a new system which respawns NOTCH's

[Celine] Gives some big flaps. She's mostly wing and can't flap quickly

[CP] - Hmmm...  You might be better suited for gliding...

[Mb] Goes suddenly very quiet- it respawn them the same? Like players?

[CP] - Not exactly, it's a new NOTCH.  When we killed DN, Buff then showed up

[Mb] Good, mine was annoying as fuck and way too strong for his own good

[CP] Makes a little sandstone staircase- Try jumping off of this Celine and holding your wings out steady

[Celine] whats glide? Can't I fly?  

[CP] - It's a type of flying that takes less energy

[CP] - Yeah well, my first one was a decent AI

[Mb] Mine was a fucking bear... He was way too into me. Creeped me the fuck out...

[CP] - Into?  Like TLOT and Steve are?

[Celine] Climbs the little stair and hesitates at the top. Looking down

[CP] - You'll be okay kiddo, the sand is soft and will catch you

[Mb] Rubs his neck uncomfortably- I'm not even sure. Dude was a fucking creeper... Always wanting to be around me. Getting crazy when I told him to get lost....

[CP] - So a stalker?

[Celine] holds out her wings and hops down. She glides a little and goes sideways before flopping in the dirt.

[Mb] I don't even know. I think he wanted to be me. Or fuck me, or kill me and wear my skin. He was crazy obsessed. He was a griefer too...

[CP] - That's a good start Celine, keep trying!- At MB- Mine was my father until Harvestman came along and deleted him

[Mb] Hmph... Fucking NOTCHs... mine wanted to kiss my ass. Kept following me around. It was kida funny at first, sending him on errands and shit... and then it just got weird. Fucker started getting me in trouble...

[Celine] Runs up the blocks and jumps down again. She's managing a rather shaky glide- I did it! I glide!

[CP] - Awesome! As for the NOTCH, how was he getting YOU in trouble

[Mb] He was obsessed with the legend, decided I wasn't living up to it. I'd try to relax for a bit and he'd just go.. do shit... build sand pyramids, set shit on fire, take off the tops of trees. And then I get blamed. Kept getting me kicked out of multiplayer servers.

[CP] - He was...  Trying to become a brine

[Mb] Maybe? I don't know. it's like he was trying to scare in my name...

[Celine] Is getting tired and crouches for a moment, listening.

[CP] - Mine, the original that is, only checked in every once and awhile so it was mostly just me and Stevie

[Mb] Looks down- At least he didn't get your best friend killed....

[CP] - Your original dragon?

[Mb] Yeah.... bunch of players killed her... Fucking NOTCH griefed their village...

[CP] - Endrea has pretty much been guarded by me, Lie's the first player to really even meet her

[Celine] Scoots over to Mb and sits against his leg.

[Mb] Lucky. Things got worse after that. I broke a lot of shit just cause... if I'm going to be punished, I'd rather it was for something I did, yanno? And then that fucking NOTCH....

[Celine] cooing softly-

[CP] - What did it do?

[Mb] I killed him, but the devs must have seen me doing it... that's why they scooped my ass up. Who would have believed me anyway? Herobrines are just destructive annoyances to them...

[CP] - Oh I'm sure if I talked to them now they would believe you~

[Mb] Why do you say that?

[CP] - Like you said, I visited a few of our developers, I've got a nice little pocket of them terrified of me

[Mb] Thinks about it for a long moment and sighs. - What difference does it make at this point anyway? I've got nowhere to go. Might as well stay here. At least Celine will be safe.

[Celine] Master? Can we lunch now?

[Mb] Takes out a steak and she snaps it up happily-

[Celine] with a full mouth - nk you!

[CP] - Well, if we were to talk to them, then you wouldn't be stuck here.  Although with the current threat of my NOTCH wandering about...

[Mb] What's his problem anyway? What did you ever do to him?

[CP] - No idea, but that sword of his is the real threat.  A single scratch from it completely deleted me

[Mb] Snorts - oh yeah! I came over to fight with you and you were a fucking kitten.

[CP] Completely freezes up-

[Mb] Eating like it was going out of style too. Your wife let me slaughter most of her animals to feed you.

[CP] - Yeah...  She hates killing them herself

[Mb] That was a fun day. Not much for sport, but a nice change of pace.

[CP] - Yeah yeah, whatever

[Celine] Jumps suddenly at Cp and clings to his pants- More glide?

[CP] - Do you wanna go a bit higher?

[Celine] Shakes her head egarly-

[Mb] eyebrow-

[CP] Adds another block for her-

[Celine] Dashes up the blocks and leaps off, spreading her wings with a crisp snap of expanding membranes. A rouge wind pushes her suddenly upwards and she goes gliding at a high speed down the hill- WHHEEEE!!!

[Mb] Sudden look of panic and he tps with a poof; his clones appearing at the bottom of the hill as well with their arms upraised-

[CP] Watches somewhat amused-

[Endrea] Gives them a slight look-

[Celine] barrels into one of the clones and despawns it as the dragon smushes his double into the ground-

[Alan] -Peeps from Endrea's back at them, trilling softly-

[Mb] Runs to her-

[Celine] I fly! I fly!

[Endrea] Snorts in amusement before tending to the babies-

[CP] - Well, she seems just fine

[Mb] small grunt-

[Celine] Making happy noises-

[Mb] My dragon...

[CP] - She'll get bigger

[Mb] I hope so...

[Celine] Big like big mama?

[CP] - Big mama?

[Endrea] - She means me

[CP] Under his breath- Maybe not that big

[Celine] Holds her wings open, she does have a rather large wingspan- BIG!

[CP] - Yeah, you'll be big

[Celine] YAY!

[spockandawe]

So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: hey Janis: how you settling back in? Grace: ugh Grace: no weirder than its gotta be for you tho Janis: 😕 bummer Janis: lack of sunshine too real a metaphor Janis: well Grace: OMG SPILL Janis: Cass text and the situation sounded dire enough that I had to just talk to him Janis: and thank fuck, it didn't blow up in my face Grace: Love it Grace: not the dire situ obvs but like Grace: 💘💘 Janis: Yeah Janis: I think it's gonna be alright Grace: Yay!! Grace: I called it but still buzzing to hear it from you babes Janis: You wanna claim to know things now? Janis: let you have it 😜 Grace: excuse you bitch I do know things Grace: but it's not hard when you and barista boy are so obvs Janis: 🔮 Janis: obvs enough you spotted him? Janis: keep it on the DL Grace: Duh Grace: 😂 Janis: 😂 Awh Janis: poor baby Grace: I don't have to feel bad for either of you any more so Janis: Shame Janis: getting used to the perks Grace: cope with it bitch im not bringing you food just cos Grace: it's your turn tbh Janis: are you that 💔 forreal Grace: not about to ✂ levels of hard honey Grace: but idk Janis: thank god, don't you dare piggyback on my depression era bob, bitch Janis: no twinning Janis: you'll get into your groove with the whole LDR vibe Grace: eww never call it that again Grace: and no thanks there's no way I could pull off the cut Grace: how soon can I call him? its a lot Janis: whatever i call it, it is what it is, babe Janis: he'll be happy to hear from you already Janis: don't stress it Janis: pretend you're practicing your Spanish if you wanna play it 😎 Grace: we both know my spanish is A++ and so does he Janis: don't need to know how you've proved it thanks Grace: cos you know Grace: omg how did I get myself into this Grace: rom coms dont get made on any of this cos its too cringe Janis: stop 😷 Janis: let your 😍 get the better of you Janis: can't fight it now Janis: step off my bit, like Grace: thanks babes Grace: guess we've fully switched Grace: you're in with the advice Janis: what can I say Janis: momentary blip and I'm back to being the wise one Grace: rude Grace: I'm about to get top marks in Spanish until we leave school so Janis: you can thank Mateo in your speech if you like Grace: might have lost him by then but i'll always have the skills 🙏 Janis: oh honey Janis: so pessimistic Grace: uh no Grace: the realest Grace: you've been there with past me Grace: it's about time like Janis: he's not like your past beaus though Janis: is he Grace: okay no Grace: I'll chill Grace: I'm just Janis: ? Grace: let's not go there Janis: fine Janis: not like i was just the most vulnerable with you or anything 😏 Grace: you bitch Grace: okay like I'm being dramatic but it's just such a thing Grace: everything that's happened and I'm still like ?? have I changed enough for this Grace: you know what I mean? Janis: that's up to you Janis: 'cos a lot of that shit, wasn't on you Janis: yeah, you weren't perfect but your bullshit came from picking the wrong sort of dudes Janis: and you've already changed that part of the puzzle so Grace: Maybe you are the wise one Grace: I wanna be good enough for him cos this whole ldr vibe won't be easy Grace: Gotta be worthwhile if he's putting way much effort in Janis: No maybe about it baby Janis: you'll be putting in as much Janis: that's all you need to do Grace: Is it? Janis: 'course Janis: he liked you Janis: you've done the hard graft on that one Grace: okay Janis: Trust Grace: weird idea but yeah Grace: 🤞 Janis: charming Grace: 😂 Grace: It's tea and it's lukewarm at best Janis: how many of the spanish lads did mia run through Janis: bet pablo won Grace: ewww Grace: so gross and so real Janis: got so cultured Grace: the levels of cringe when the only souvenirs they bring back are love bites and pee tests Janis: I mean Janis: beats a keyring Janis: but wasn't really vibing Grace: I'd take a keyring over Mia Janis: Ooosh Grace: She's way harder to lose Janis: Savage but fair Janis: I know it Janis: suffered that for long enough Grace: #twining Grace: cos me too Grace: At least it's a good thing when barista boy Grace: love that he's highkey Janis: worked in my favour so Janis: not gonna disagree Grace: you two kill me omg Janis: shut up Grace: 🤐 Janis: it is good tho Grace: im happy for you babes Grace: even if im 😡 too cos im alone af Janis: soz you can't join in Janis: but i owe you several pity dates so, call 'em in when you're really feeling it Grace: yay Grace: im 100% planning to annoy your bf at work now hes not 💔 Janis: i'll warn him Grace: do it so he can work my angles Grace: been a while since he got his camera out for me Janis: 😑 if I didn't know that wasn't innuendo Janis: could pretend I don't and smack you down Grace: 😂 Grace: Chill I got a boy of my own to keep interested Janis: 👀 on you bitch Grace: 💅 Janis: 🔨 Grace: 🙄 Janis: anyway the real question Janis: do i milk the perks of being 💔 with the fam or do i come clean to get them the fuck out my face Grace: not even a q Grace: you'll crack and tell them Grace: dad's too highkey about eating feelings Janis: yeah Janis: already getting content fat Janis: can't also pile on the sad fat Janis: nightmare Grace: OMG shut up Grace: I'll smack you Grace: so unfair Janis: 🤷 Grace: such a bitch Janis: whatever Janis: like you're a whale Grace: next to you like Janis: you're mad Janis: its different body types Janis: you're more like rio Janis: and edie Janis: me and billie are more twiggy, thanks dad 🙄 Grace: ugh Grace: please im nothing like Rio Grace: Or Edie Janis joined the chat 84 minutes ago Janis: Yeah Janis: not in the bad ways, don't worry Grace: 🙄🙄 in any ways tbh Janis: who you like then Janis: or you think you ❄ Grace: more like 🦆 Grace: but anyway Janis: bitch please you know how that one goes Janis: swan the whole time Grace: bitch that's a kid's story Grace: not living it Janis: may as well Janis: living with old mother hubbard, like Grace: 😂 Janis: can't be normal with this narrative Janis: sadly Grace: ugh real Janis: but fuck normal right Grace: 👏 Grace: If Mia's it then yeah Janis: we all know normal is code for basic so, yeah Janis: we might be fucked but at least we ain't that Grace: Thank god Grace: nicest thing you've ever said to me too Grace: doubly blessed here Janis: don't get too used to it Janis: still me, like Grace: Do I need to warn Jimmy? Janis: Nah Janis: but he ain't you Janis: no offense 😘 Grace: we all know Grace: we see your 😍 Janis: duh Janis: you been there too Grace: did you tell him? Janis: that you fancied him? Janis: we been knew Grace: GURL PLEASE Grace: that you love him Janis: oh Janis: ha Janis: maybe Janis: if i only just managed to say it to him, what makes you think imma shout it to you bitch 😜 Grace: OMG HAVE I NOT SUFFERED FOR THIS Grace: 😂 Janis: I know, you love the fairytale ending Janis: to be continued, babe Grace: Rude Grace: Gonna have to watch Netflix if you won't let me binge on your drama Janis: netflix and chill ur man Janis: dirty hoe Grace: excuse you Grace: that is a good idea tho Janis: i know Janis: only an hour ahead, thank fuck the school didn't shell out for a more exotic exchange Grace: ikr? id die Grace: i like you boy but i like sleeping too so Janis: 😂 Grace: you ever coming home or you just living over there with him now? Janis: solid plan Janis: though diego and Iggy would get pissy if I stole their respective studios Grace: I'd take them being mad over his dad cos that's option 2 Grace: and he's such a Janis: bellend Janis: gonna be fuming i'm back Grace: oh god Grace: least youve got your fans in his brother and sister Grace: and that dog like Janis: sure you're still bobs number 1 Janis: won't tell him YOU'VE moved on tho Grace: oh no what a homewrecker move of me Grace: he's soooo sweet Grace: that's why I brought him back some Spanish 🍬 Janis: that'll soften the blow Janis: be his sweet bitch and you can sow your wild oats Grace: 😂 Grace: boys are so easy Grace: you can take them for me if you don't take the credit bitch Janis: no promises Janis: i'm getting back in good books here Grace: 👌 I'll deliver them myself Grace: 👀 on you Janis: you can when you're forcing headshot duties on jim Grace: true Janis: s'alright, I ain't down for being 'muse' 'til this shit grows out Grace: BUT IT'S CUTE Janis: 👖🔥 Grace: not even Grace: I like it Janis: I'll make it work Janis: like you always say Janis: hardly fashion forward am i Grace: you're obvs making that work too babes Janis: sure Janis: butch dyke chic Grace: shhhh Grace: so not Janis: have to get billie to take notes Grace: good luck getting her to do anything Janis: True Janis: how long can a baby be an excuse Janis: no shade Grace: like 2 years at most Grace: but in this fam 2 seconds Grace: gotta have and do it all Janis: she's outta time then Janis: do 👏 some 👏 work 👏 bitch Grace: Big mood Janis: cue her angry model rant Janis: it's a real job, okay 😜 Grace: I'm so mad about it Grace: never once been spotted in town so unfair Janis: gutted Janis: could be a creepy fam sitch Janis: wannabe kardashians, know you'd love it Grace: obvs Janis: 😂 are you sure Janis: what if you're the khloe tho Grace: that's so mean omg Grace: but i'd still take it Janis: don't do yourself like that hun, none of us need to take that bullet Grace: easy for you to say Kim Grace: Don't tell Rio that's you like she'd go off Janis: 😂😂 she got the tapes Grace: omg yeah didn't think of that Grace: take back your kim status Grace: i'm obvs kylie anyway her taste in lads like Janis: mhmm, and the egomaniac mans #sozkanye #sozbuster #but Janis: i'll be your kendall then Janis: nothing like the rest and seems uninterested in their shit half the time Grace: 😂 Grace: shamelessly the prettiest Grace: 👀 you Janis: 😏 Janis: billie can be kourtney 'cos remember when kim told her she was boring to look at Janis: savage Grace: iconic Janis: then no one has to be khloe, sorted Janis: though her kid is cute Grace: 😍😍😍 ikr Grace: so many of them are Grace: unfair Janis: we all know why Janis: #goblack Janis: Ma did it better Grace: Gonna tell Jimmy he's dumped already like? Grace: Cold Janis: 😂 not being that bitch Janis: if I ever say I'm having kids, you need to assess a lot more than that Janis: like hell no Grace: believe it when I don't see it Grace: you were saying you weren't 💘 once upon a time Janis: I wanna have a life tho tah Grace: if anyone's proved you can it's everyone in this fam Grace: girl please that's not an excuse Janis: not saying it is, just a reason to keep on the pill, like Janis: i'm hardly Ma Grace: 😂 Janis: imagine Janis: poor fuckers Grace: let's not cos i agree with you and thats weird enough Janis: i can fight you if you like Janis: always a pleasure Grace: the ✂ taken the fun out of it Grace: love a dramatic hair pull moment Janis: oh, there's still enough to pull 😏 Grace: TMI Janis: 😂 Grace: if you were talking about his I'd be listening though Grace: he may be white but hes still cute Janis: square up Grace: girl no Grace: not trying to ruin my nails for anyone thank you Janis: shoulda thought about that Grace: think on your possessiveness hun Janis: no bitch Janis: he's mine Janis: end of story Grace: 💍 Janis: 🖕 Grace: 💋

[protectjuminhan]

Bella, could you tell us a story of something (that you hadn't shared yet) that made your relationship with Matthew stronger? Only if you want/can, and ofc thank u in advance! It's really cute how you talk about him! Makes me kinda believe in love ;)

Awwe! This one is what happend next that day, if you read part one please. This was a moment where i was trying to held in so much, and it didnt work. and Matthew had his patience and composure tested. It defiantly made us stronger when we got home and talked it over. im sorry for the swearing but its necessary to tell the story.

Part two:

April 29th, 2014:

“Would you like some clothes? I know you have a limited amount of them.” He was right, i only owned what i could fit in my suitcase at the time, and what i picked up from smaller stores on sale. He had finaly come around and wasent mad anymore, because he got back into ‘Lets find something sexy to convince her to buy’ mode. His playful face when trying to help me shop is something i was to patent and sell to to the general public, because its SO DAMN CUTE. “What about here?” He point to a higher end fashion store, one i would have to pray to the gods to find something in my size.

“Maybe not that one..” But he had already went in ahead of me. I walked in, and was greeted by the store manager, i think. She looked me up and own and bluntly stated “You may want to try a different store. Nothing here will fit that.” Point to my stomach. She wasent even trying to spit at me or anything, she just stated it like she was bored and didnt want to help me look for no reason. RUDE ASS BITCH. So she turned around and noticed Matthew, and smiled. Oh. My. God. Im not a jealous person most of the time. Most.  “Can i help you sir? Trying to find something for a special lady? Anyone with you on their arm must be a goddess.” Oh, you didnt understand lady.

“Yeah, shes curvy, do you have anything that is ment for heavier chested girls?” He kinda stuttered a bit, because she was pretty, you guys know that drill.  “yes! this section over here is the plus size section. Girls with big boobs or a nice butt have this section, and smaller girls over there. i didnt think you the guy who likes a little meat on his women. She must be so pretty, with how handsome you are!” She was laying it on thick. Trying to eaither get his number, or him to buy something. I stood back because when i get mad, i get kicked out of places for being sarcastically rude. He smiled akwardly, and made his way to the sweater dress he was eyeing up from outside, seen its size, and proceeded to turn it down. it was going to be to tight. (I have a reaaaaaally big chest, so alot of outfits wont fit there or will ride up in the belly part to compensate for space.)

“yeah, shes wonderful. I asked her out in high school. I like her curves, Her skin is soft, and i dont mind that shes got a little more, beanpoles are hard to hug with these arms.” “and arms you do have sir.” She slurred at him. He walked over to the bra section, and found one close to something i already have. Black and grey plaid, with black lace around the edges, and they had one in my size. He took it off the shelf and took it to the counter, turning around to see me at the door, being very quiet. THEN THIS BITCH OH MY GOD. “Is she making you uncomfortable sir? I asked her to leave already, nothing here will fit her. “ Looking right at me “We dont service fat people. You lot ruin our brand look. Now get out.”

*insert sinister chuckle* You guys dont understand, Matthew and i haddent had our first fight yet. We had ran into this problem before, but not as bad. It got worse when i got pregnant, but we found a way to cope and make it funny by then. Let me make this next part clear. I had never seen Matthew tap into that “The fuck did you just say” Yandere side yet.   All guys have one when being protective of their S/o.

“Can you come here?” He was looking at me with eyes i could not describe. Those eyes you see when someone is being dead calm. Trying not to strangle someone on the spot dead calm. I stepped forward, a little hesitant, because i knew something was wrong. “Do like this? Its really pretty.” “Yeah, it looks like one i have at home.” “Good, I thought it looked nice.” ‘Umm, that is one i have a set for and its one i wear when we sleep together, of course you like it. Whats wrong?’ was my thoughts. He pulled out his card and paid for it without having me take money out of the jar. And hands me the bag after he paid for it. “Next time we fuck, please wear this one, okay? I like the way the colors compliment your eyes. Lets find another store to buy clothes. This ones staff is horrible to talk to, considering all she was doing was attempting to get in my pants. what bad service.”  

“Yeah, i hear (insert store) had amazing service.” He wrapped his arms around me with all the bags still in his hand, placing a kiss on my forehead. “Noone disrespects my Queen and gets my Queens money. If i really didnt want to see you in this, i wouldn’t have bought anything. Lets go, my Queen.” (thats his favorite endearment) Of course she had to open her mouth. “This girl is the one you came in here for? Are you kidding me? shes so out of your league! Shes ugly and Fat, Why her? You would do better with me. And did you say you fuck her? What is she doing, paying you?” “Nope, In fact i gave her nearly 2 grand today as a birthday and late one year anniversary present. Now shut your moth before i contact your Superior and report you for being rude to us. She didnt do anything to you, and who i love doesnt concern you. Now, stop being a trash whore and leave us alone. My Queen and i are gonna give our money to anyone but you.” His face indicated he was repeating a phrase in his mind ‘hitting people is a bad idea’

When we got out of the store, he was silent. Not a good sign from someone who never shuts up. We reach one of those areas where there are sofas and phone chargers, and take a seat on the love seat, adding the bag to the chain system i made to prevent thefts. He set all our bags down and a little roughly pulled me closer where my only option was to wrap my arm behind his back. I felt it then, he was trembling. Men who tremble are on the verge of beating someones ass, or breaking down. Matthew looked like both at the same time. hes very emotional, and i just didnt say anything. i heard little gasps, those you hear from someone trying really heard not to cry by sucking in breaths. those sounds alone were breaking my heart, because none of her words were at him.  

“W-Why do please have to be so rude to people? We might have spent more than she will have in other customers all day, but instead she chose to shoo you out over your weight.” I forced my other arm out, in order to put it on his head. i put light strokes on his scalp. a sure way to calm him down and get him to let his feelings out. Creatures of habit will always be ones of habit. “Shhhh, you dont need to be upset over her simple-mindedness.” I tried to say, but he just shook his head. “Im tired of people telling me who i can and cant love. You ARE a goddess to me. And because you dont fit a type, i cant love you in their eyes. Why? Why the fuck do they get to tell me what to do?” He was ranting. Not being quiet about it. We were getting stares. I highly doubt he gave a single fuck at this point. We always got stared at.

“Matthew, i dont care. Your choices are your own. Just like her opinions are her own. She cant make you do anything but leave the store. People Make choice all the time and this was one you made..” “You make it sound like i chose you like a breakfast cereal. Thats not how this works.” He let go a little so he could dip his head into my chest, a habit when he feels insecure about something. “If you left me, i would rather live alone forever. Your love made me fix so many things wrong in my family. You arent a choice. If you would let me, I want to be together forever.” He was crying, I felt the tears on my exposed area of my chest. Do i make him cry harder by accepting? Do i ignore his statement? Do i make him laugh? Yeah, default. “You mean i have to deal with your crazy ass forever? i dont know if i can handle the puns. Oh god…. The puns.” I felt a chuckle followed by a sob or two. Bingo.

“Am i crazy for loving you?” Oh Fuck. I didnt know what to say. You see, Matthew isent perfect. you guys get the silly sappy stories, but hes really insecure about people loving him. Hes been abandoned and treated like a walking piece of meat so much he feels confused about everything. He felt like the only permanent thing in his life was me. This is called emotional co-dependency in a relationship. its not all that healthy, but no ones perfect. Its that troupe of “If You leave me ill kill myself! i cant live without you!” Saw He this far deep? No, hes not like that. But thats the jist of it.

“No, You dont chose who you love. And if thats me, im happy to have you as my personal eye candy, Koibito. You take good care of me, and i love you so much. Dont think that i dont love you just as much. Plus, you didnt hit her so i congratulate you there.” (Koibito means lover, or sweetheart. I mean it as sweetheart. Hes half japanese and says it to me all the time.) He relaxes a bit, chuckling again. He looked up at me with his joke-serious face “Is that all i am to you? Eye candy?” “Only the finest, i mean you are the hot one in this relationship!” I poked at his side, in a really ticklish spot, and got the reaction i wanted. That laugh that could cure cancer “Dont do that here, you will get REKT.”

We spent the rest of the day hand in hand, in all the rest of the store. I deduced that there was near 3 grand in that jar, and we spent about a thousand of it. I got a new system behind his back, because i wanted to play together later. i mean you know mall prices. a system and two shirts is 500$ smh calm down.

The point that was made here, a loosley put together one at that, is that life does have a path for you. There will be times you can branch off, and make your own. Matthew chose to go with me that day in high school. Life is like a book. Each chapter is a year. You write your book by living. No one will have the same book as you do, but they can connect, like a crossover au. If you quit writing you book, the reader will get sad. i know for a fact unfinished fan fictions are a pain to come across. Pain from life is never gone, its only shared with someone else so it doesnt feel so bad. My pain was my anxiety and self consciousness about my looks. Im not as beautiful as he is in 60% of humanities eyes. People love to comment on it, Oh well.  

Human nature and their capriciousness isent something you can fix. You just hope they have enough respect to not comment on it. Why? Because every human on this earth is beautiful. No one deserves to be told they are not to a human standard. You being alive is amazing, and you should be loved and cherished. This made me and Matthew stronger because he finaly came out and admitted to himself that i wasent there because of his looks. I was there because i love him, and he loves me. This is hard to say in relationships. But saying it is so important.

So let me say it a little louder for those in the back.

Humanities capriciousness to judge others is not something that can be overcome through degradation.

Only trust, communication, and understanding can help people overcome the impulsion and unpredictable decisions people that have to degrade others, instead of being respectful. I hope anything of this helps you understand that everyone deserves love, and some people are just hateful i dont have time for it haha.

[thejourneyblog]

Day 1 in a mental inpatient hospital:

11/25/17

I didn't see this coming. I mean I did a few times but I was usually able

to get back on my feet. But I don't even know what happened, that day,

yesterday. I had cracked. Over something small. I gave up. I realized I

didn't want to do it anymore. Live. Watch funny youtube videos, laugh

with friends, follow my dreams, run adult errands, write poetry. I'm

amazed I'm writing this at all right now. And this was such a deep

bottomless feeling out of no where that I had a panic attack.

I could not stop. I started spinning out. I couldn't stop crying all day or hyperventilating.

I was out to pick up a desk that I never picked up because they were all out.

So I went back to my drive way and tried to figure out how I could come back

to my senses. Maybe I should eat, play a game, walk my dog, rest, go to my

bffs house.. but I was repulsed by every idea. I didn't want to go back to living.

I tried to think about something that could make me happy. But I didn't want anything...

anymore and that is when I couldn't return. I was so scared. I didn't know what

was happpening. Nothing calmed me down. I didnt know what I was supposed to

do. do I run away? What would be the easiest way to die. But I didnt have the energy

to even do those. Then I rememberes, theres a hotline.

I wasn't able to talk much since I was trying to stop hyperventilating. But the responder was smart. She asked questions slowly and paced. We talked for an hour and I told her that I wanted to

donate all of my organs somewhere and that I was done. She helped me get to an ER

to get help. At that point I looked like I had been to 10 funerals and was scaring

everyone. My eyes still hadnt stopped crying. They assigned a nurse to stay at my side

at all times. Probably because I kept saying “IDK” when they asked if I was a danger

to myself. I was in the ER for 4 hours sleeping and crying as they put stickers on

my boobs and took blood and urine samples. I finally decided to answer my sisters

calls and she told me she loved me and that I was perfect. And I was so upset with

the universe at that moment. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I kept trying to make normal decisions, see if there was still some way out of this.

Back to old me. Sane me. But I couldnt. I was done.

Finally they told me about a wonderful place where we do group/art/single therapy sessions and I was admitted.They wheeled me to a room with security gaurds to collect my belongings and scan

me for metal. A nice lady asked me about my thanksgiving while she took me to the

mental health floor. I sat in the hallway while I waited for a nurse to bring me to my

room, with bare feet which didn't bother me. “Shame on INOVA” A nurse yelled giving

me socks and dinner. In the dining room I met some of the other patients right away. Watching tv and having their dinner. Fish with rice and sweet potato and cranberry juice. The fish

was great. I traded my brownie for a raspberry foam thing the other girl wanted. I

didn't care. I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't have a need to. After eating, I was showed to

my room. I didn't see a tv. That was disappointing. I wanted my phone back. But not really.

I thought I'd just sleep and cry some more. But then a girl appeared.

Sibila

“Hi!”

I jumped “hi”

“Are you new here! Let me show you around”

I agreed surprisingly.

“She showed me all the rooms, the game room, the lounge, kitchen, dining, snack room (locked)

Art room (also locked), pay phones, tv room and her room.

She gave me jolly ranchers and seemed super happy. So I did not under stand

why she was here. After that I went back to my room.

But she popped back up.

“My mom brought gyros! Lets eat!”

She dragged me to the kitchen and got me some coffee.

The coffee was perfect. Just what I needed. Which I proceeded to chug black for the next few days,

though it did not increase my energy what so ever.

Her mom was really sweet. Reminded me of my mom:

“sleep helps with depression”

yet I sleep like a baby

I tried to go back to my room but sibila was one step ahead of me

“Art class is starting!”

Art Class

Sibila picked a table in the corner for Victoria and I. A college looking girl with

the same circle as the rest of us, but sweet. But this place was no ordinary art class.

This place looked like a fukin AC Moore. There were lots of templates and wood crafts we could decorate. I didn't feel like doing much so I chose stained glass. I was the quickest

one in the group. The only one to finish a project. It would just give me anxiety to leave

something unfinished. After that we went to the end of the hall and sang pop songs for the rest of

the night. I joined along. Her spirit was so infectious. I tried not to be so low. But when we were alone

eating graham crackers I couldn't help it

“I dont want to live anymore. I cant”

She gave me a pat and scrambled. That was the end of that.

I slept with the lights on that night.

I remember

(hours before admission)

As I was trying to calm down about my problems

Inner voice: your sister will be okay, you just have to

Me: shut up ( monotone)

just stop

I dont want you to fix this

I dont want anything anymore

Im done

Voice: thats not true

Me: maybe I just need to run away for a bit. Take a long vacation

V: nothing will be here when you get back

Me: shhhh

I told you

I dont care

Im sure this has been an interesting study in human defeat

that is all

Break fast

was awful. Watery scrambled eggs. Super moist muffin. Potatoes were decent. Atleast I got to talk to vikki. Shes actually a lot more normal than I thought. Just some mild postpartum psychosis. But it seems like a lot of people come here to get back on track.. I don't know what I want... but I still don't want to go back. To anything. So thats not good..

The Characters

There are surprisingly not many people here. So far everyone has been super inviting and made me feel welcomed. There are the nurses who sit at a desk blocking the elevators. The whiteboard with each hall wing class schedule like school.

People I've met so far:

-Frail lady with a blanket shawl

-The angry boy always yelling at his mom on the phone with an ice pack on his head

- the pregnant lady who loves everyone

-The cute guys who thinks hes a celebrity

-the cute guy who doesn't talk

Sibila of course and our trio Vikki <3

and my room mate who sleeps all day, Doris.

I don't blame her

How are you?

A different nurse or doctor asks every 2 hours

I don't mean to be rude but I'm not going to answer that

I will gladly talk to a therapist about it. I could actually

really use that right about now.

But currently the outcome is uncertain

FOR SOME REASONFSJAODNASODSDMKA

Coping mechanism sheet

Take a time out in room – I slept with the lights on

imagine myself at the beach- no

talk with a peer- call Roslyn

write in journal

write a list of my strengths

write a letter

call a family member

have some tea or coffee

exercise

stretch

stress balls

draw

soft music- not helpfuldnjsadsnadjasdomk

play a game- boring/no energy

tv room – too bright/uncomfortable chairs

meditate-makes me angry

talk with your therapist-where?

Read- ummmmm

count to 10-NO

positive thoughts-try again

walk-what else is there to do

write a schedule for week after discharged- already have a schedule?

Comb hair/freshen up- sibila made me shower

My room mate

Doris has become a bit more talkative. She has the sweetest voice.

She invited me to bingo but I was still knocked out by the meds. She seems

worried about me. After I told the nurse I didn't want to live she asked to switch rooms.

Probably a coincidence.

The head poppers

: Nurses or doctors who pop their head from behind your curtain for a split second

to see where you are like a weirdo

every                     fucking                  hour

Bathrooms

are a fucking joke. Island printed yoga mats with Velcro make up for the doors.

Meaning you can smell and hear everything. One time I walked in on a full toilet.

I thought it was rude until I flushed and realized I probably woke up my room mate.

Oh well

The Bands

Wrist bands, we all wear. Get scanned about 15 times a day. For what? There aren't that many of us. They do it every time we go to a class, have a meal, need meds, get our vitals checked. I just ripped

mine off today because it is so uncomfortable and now all they do is ask for my name.

The more you know

How are you: Update

Today I yelled: “BAAAAAAADDDD jesus...”

but atleast he finally asked something different

“Do you have anything to live for”

“Yes, but I don't care”

I should probably stop acting like this. I think its triggering doris

Sibila made me a belated birthday card. It was super random, but also the sweetest

most important thing right now.

Lights

Ive been sleeping with them on every night so far. She likes them off but hasnt

said anything about it. Im just surprised the nurses allow it. I dont know why I do it.

I just sleep better. But maybe for tonight, just for doris, Ill turn them off.

Strengths

Believing in things I can not do

Visits

Mom brought me some fresh clothes and friends brought me candy

I managed to change into a fresh top and leggings and started to feel a bit better.

Might attend group tonight.

Update: group was boring and unhelpful

Doris

Apparently hates me

Fights

Atleast when you fight with someone here, they forget, and you can be friends again

The Suitcase

Today in art class I chose a wooden project. A suitcase. I decorated it like the night sky since stars calm me. Inside I placed a folded piece of fabric and some bead charms that would represent everything I would leave behind if I go:

Sunflowers- My family and friends

Stars and moon- nature

Korean symbols- knowledge

Buddhist hand- my wonders for the universe

teddy bear- my future possibilities

gold bracelet- material loves

Spiral- myself

blue diamond- hope

totem- values

colorful ball- passions

I still could not feel anything about it but I hope this is the old me trying to tell me something

Sibila

Has an eating disorder. She gave me a paper of her schedule and every hour said diet underneath

I notice that she doesn't really eat. Unless her mom brings her something.

Quotes

When you are a child, you have hopes and dreams of everything you want your future to be.

When you get older, you have plans for what you think will make you happy: A home, a job, love. But we all know that the future is unpredictable. We are not supposed to know what is going to happen anyways. Because if we did, that would be boring, or scarier, if possible. But you see, I had a moment, where I could see where my future was heading, and it was horrifying, and I just.. gave up.

Something positive

I decided to read the quotes in the dining hall.

“maybe the biggest opportunity is where you are standing right now”

A letter

Dear world,

I dont know if there is anything you could have done to prevent this outcome.  You didnt do anything that great or that horrible to me. None that I can think of at this moment

that I care to blame anything on. You just did, you just are. And we just live. And we just die.

But to my understandning,

ive enjoyed the beauties

and the perfect uglies

and im good

so lets wrap this up. Some might think I should be stronger

but nope. Its my choice.

Everyone here

says the same things

“when can I leave”

“gimme my stuff back”

Nurse james

is really fucking cute

I think he likes me because

he took my vitals even though mine was already taken today

did not object

Update: Never mind. All the nurses do this.

Doris

Likes old british rock music

Look up “the smiths”

Limbo

This morning I woke up and did not know anything. I did not know who I was or where I was

I had not a single thought. I felt like a newborn baby. I had forgotten that I was alive, ever alive,

or that there was even a life to live.

This did not break my heart as much as it should have.

And you want to know what happened next?

I got out of bed and used the bathroom when a nurse walked in and saw my face

and seemed annoyed at my unwelcoming presence

“Are you ever happy! Smile! You are beautiful and will be out of here in no time!”

My room mate applauded and agreed.

Hello

My name is priscilla and I am suicidal. I still can not imagine myself outside of this place. Even though I do not want to be here for long. Every time I try to tell myself that I owe my mom and sis, that I need to work harder, itll be okay, try to find love, I have to stop. Those things usually motivate me. But everyting short circuits me right now, and I do not know why.

I said good bye

On the last day, I decided to go to group

There was a young teacher asking ice breaker questions and only a few people this time. The old man who hears voices, Doris, Indian girl with translator, Taiwanese man with translator and me. I talked about my dad. That out of anything, the only thing that hurt or really mattered, was him not being there. I was the only one who cried that session. I left on good terms though. I wanted to talk and I finally got to. I thanked her genuinely. I left a note for nurse james. I said goodbye to cute billy, the one who talks to celebrities. Sibila, vikki and I got discharged together and we are now friends. The last days have felt like months and I can still taste the watery eggs, which I only tried once. But at least the worst is over.  

[diaryofakasiehousewife-blog]

The beginning

Insert 4 "So tell me, how have you been?" asked this guy who was now seated with me on my table. And just then something hit me, i know this guy (excited) This is the guy from House 22, the guy who was supposed to be my skhafthini (lunchbox) the night i broke up with Thabo. This is the meal that was taken out of my mouth by the very same Kabo i married. The very same Kabo who today is depriving me of my rightful fruits of marriage. I cant believe he looks this good, he is yummier than i had imagine. As drunk as i was that night, my eyes could pierce through his pants and could see the unseeable. I thought i was never gonna have those unseeables again. But then here they are sitting witv me tonight. So this means, my prayers for tonight are in good terms. "Ive been good, thanks for asking, yourself?" "Ah you know man, God has been great." "Can i join you?" He continued "Sure, no problem." "I hope tonight you are really alone, i really dont wanna cause any problems for you again." "No, you can relax, im here alone." I replied "So tell me, what really happened to you that night? Who was that guy? Your hosband? ( hosband as pronounced by him, its not a spelling mistake, you know them race and their accent mos. So when ever he appears in my episodes and you see some kinda spelling mistake, just note that its probably him talking lol😂) "He was not my husband, he just took me home." "Ok, i was really worried about you." "How long has it been thou, 5 years? 6 years?" He continued asking. "Ya most probably, 5 to 6 years or more." "But you havent changed a bit, that is why i noticed you so easily." Like duh! Who is he trying to fool? I havent changed a bit in 8 years? Men will say anything just to get under your pants. "Thanks." I said as a gave him a grin. "My name is Wilson, by the way." "Nice to know you Wilson, im Tumi." So Wilson sat with me through the evening. We ordered some food and drinks, then some more food and even more drinks. We clicked i must add. He had a great sense of humor and he seemed to managed to cheer my sour heart. I even forgot where i came from, who i left behind and what i had to go back home to. He just made me melt. For the first time in years i laughed this loud. I was just in another world. I realised how miserable ive been and how much i missed out on life. This moment with Wilson, made me regret even more why i married Kabo in the first time. The nights i have wasted waiting for him to come home, only for him to come home after midnight drunk and snoring. The cold evenings i had to endure longing for someone to cuddle me and share dinner with me. The nights i have waisted in that house trying to potray a good wife imagine to his family and the neighbors, not going going put with my friends anymore. Not to mention the friends i had to cut off because according to him they werent suitable or healthy for our marriage. All this made me wanna puke. I wished there was an online application for divorce, i could just file for it right there and there. But bad news is i couldnt, no matter how good this "Wilson" moment felt, it is going to end soon and im gonna have to go back to him. I couldnt even let my mind think of divorce for another second, cause he would leave me as poor as a dog. I bet he would even take underwears. Wilson and i had a lot in common, we did the same subjects in high school, listened to same music, he also loved books and turns out he studied Law like i did. Well maybe not exactly like i did, atleast yena he graduated lol. But then let me not get way ahead of myself, we are just flirting, this is nothing serious. So just chill Tumi chill. It was just after 23:00 when we walked out of Newscafè. We thought that well maybe we should take our lil party somewhere private. We had everything worked out and planned and all excited. That we leave my car here, we take his car, we go to his apartment, we have fun, he drives me back, get my car and then i drive back home. Perfect plan hey? Mxm...i wish it was the perfect plan. It has to be the perfect plan. I have been dickless for weeks now, i need some kind of penetration therapy. So tonight is the night, im going all out and nothing is going to stop me. "Tumi." I heard someone calling out my name as we were about to approach Wilson's car. And it was definetely a man's voice but it wasnt Kabo's. "O ya kae?"(where are you going) that person asked Goodness dammit. Its Sebalo, Kabo's older brother. The hottest brother inlaw ever has spotted me "Oh, Sebalo, i was just..." "I know what you were about to do, come im taking you home." He interrupted me before i could finish my sentence . "No, what you mean you taking me home, im OK," "Tumi please lets not do this the hard way, theres no way im leaving you with this lekwerekwere (foreigner)." Hey dont ever call a foreigner by that name, you shall die my friend lol "Hey hey hey my brotha, you don't know me and I don't know you, you dont get to call me names, listen to me..." Wilson lashed at Sebalo ka deep anger pointing him with his car keys "Ok ok guys, please stop." "Sebalo its fine you can take me home, Wilson ill call you tomorrow." Me trying to calm the situation down. "No, dont call. Dont fucken call me. You are so much trouble. What kind of a woman are you?" Wilson shouted "Everywhere i see you, theres some guy coming out of nowhere to take you home. I should have let you pay for your bill bi#ch." He added as he walked into his big machine car and driving away. Wheeew...now there i was in this parking lot. Everyone is staring at us. Worse part im in this situation with my brother inlaw. How do i explain this to him? What if he tells Kabo? But i know Sebalo is a very decent guy, i bet he wouldnt. I hope he doesnt. So we walked quietly towards his car which was now parked next to mine. "Tsena ka mo koloing."(get inside the car) he said "And then ya me yona?"( and what about my car?) I asked him "O sa wara i ll leave your car keys with my friend, he will follow us with it." He said as he walked back towards Newscafè and handing over the keys to someone who already was waiting for him outside. What was supposed to be a 20 minute drive seemed like a 4 hour drive to Limpopo. We were quite all through until we got to my house. It was just after midnight and his lil brother was not home "E ban, o kae Kabo?" (Where is Kabo) He asked as we entered the house. "I dont know." I answerd him throwing myself on the couch and attempting to take off my shoes. "Oh i see, no wonder o le busy le makwerekwere a ko Karenpark." "Mxm, that is just a friend." "When does your friend arrive, i thought he was behind us?" "No o sa wara ka oo( dont worry about that one) i told him ill call and tell him to come when we are done." "Done what? Aker you dropped me off, im safe inside the house. Call him now." He just laughed at me and started walking slowly towards me. What the f#ck is this now. "You thought i would just let you off the hook that easily? Well you thought wrong." "What do you mean?" I asked in shock "Its a beautiful dress you wearing by the way, i like how it shapes your ass. My brother sure does have great take." He added his nonsense, now close enough that our bodies we touch now. I was in shock. This cant be Sebalo talking, he must be high of some drug or something. Kana Sebalo is the most loyal, respectful guy i ever met. He wouldnt even look at other women. He was committed to his wife and kids. He was the perfect example of a husband and how married men should behave. Well perfect example se foot! Why is he not home with his wife now? I just laughed and tried walking passed him. What shocks me is that he wasnt even drunk, well atleast he didnt look drunk or smell any alcohol on him. Just then he grabbed both ass and pulled me towards him. Close enough to feel is hard erection. Shit! This guy is serious. He then leaned over and whispered in my ear. "This is simple Tumi, we go to the bedroom! I help you get out of that sexy dress you wearing. I take off ur bra and painties if you wearing any. Then i lick your tits and... "Sebalo please stop." I interrupted him Truly speaking, i was wetting my thong already. With his erection hard on top of my punani. I was already drooling But i knew i couldnt i had to pull myself together and get him away from me, I'll scream if I have to. This is my brother inlaw. "Shhhh as i was saying, ok never mind what i was saying, or we can do it right here on the cough if you like?" Mxm bloody pervet. "We do this and you and i both forget about lekwerekwere la ko Karenpark, your secret stays safe with me." He started kissing my neck, grabbing my ass even tighter... Is this gonna happen? Is my brother inlaw blackmailing me? *****************