#shes so desi to meee

[paintaya]

😴😴 ITS STARFRUIT HOURS 😴😴

snooorkmimiimimimimimiimi snoooooorkmmiimimimimii HER PET IS NAMED Sleepy Sheepy. OH my god thats adorable sleepy sheepy i love you!!!!! starfruit is so gonkjous she needs more luv

[ace-culture-is]

aroace desi culture is knowing your mom loves you and knowing she's ok with your friends or other people being part of the lgbtq+ community but being scared as fuck to come out as aroace because it's "tradition" to get married and have a family. or it's expected or wtvr.

also i'm using this as a place to rant

my mom and dad don't have the best relationship. and oddly enough they didn't have an arranged marriage (both my mom's siblings did and so did my friends' parents). so my mom told me "when you have a husband, make sure you can communicate with him."

then, 20 or smth days later, i'm singing Demi Lovato's "heart attack" and trying to hit the flames high note, and she catches the lyrics "i dont want to fall in love, if i ever did that, i think i'd have a heart attack."

and we talk about it and i'm like "and its practically me. like i dont want to fall in love or date or anything." her answer? "good idea."

later, we're talking about dating. I said, "i'm never dating so *shrug*"

her answer? "thank god."

now my question: Would she be accepting or not?

help meee

[alovevigilante]

Setting and time: Somewhere, somehow, I dunno.

Kari: Hey George!

George Lopez: yes ma’am!

Kari: listen, I like you. But I need you to put out your stogie, cause I got the asthma, and also before the stink gets so bad that the raccoons take a shit on the back porch cause they were mad because fooled that there was no garbage there to rummage through, cause that’s what your cigar smells like.. stinky garbage that would fool a family of raccoons that need to take a shit….

George Burns (mumbles): listen pal, you better do what she says, otherwise she’ll shove a celery stick with peanut butter and raisins in your mouth. I still can’t completely open mine due to the cement reaction of the sticky peanut butter to the roof of my mouth there, and that was a few weeks ago…

Kari: it’s called, “Ants on a log” and it’s delicious and a better alternative to smoking a cigar that makes the surrounding area smell like someone is taking a crap in a forest fire.

George Lopez: Lots if shit takers because of cigars around here…

George Burns: I’m still smacking away…

Kari: you were smacking before I was born!

George Lopez: um, sure. I can put it out…

Kari: Thank you kindly.

George Lopez: I hate to bring up the obvious here, but George Burns… you’re dead.

George Burns: I might be dead, but I’m still here discussing all those strings of fiber that are now jammed in between my teeth from that piece of celery she shoved inbetween my dentures there…

George Lopez: um, yeah… I didn’t hear that part… sounds uncomfortable, but on the bright side, maybe you don’t need your daily dose of Metamucil now.

Carol Channing: (real slurpy like smiling so huge the Cheshire Cat would be disconcerted) jjeee-ust use polident, Georgie! It’ll help with those awful tar stains on your teeth over there from all those big ole nasty cigars you smoked for all those long years, and it’ll keep your breath minty fresh! Smell mine! Suuuuper dee duper polident!

(Carol Channing smiles and snuggles the polident box next to her face, and does a bunny nose..)

George Lopez: what does that have to do with fiber?

Martha (big mouth) ray: um, carol? that was me in the polident commercials.

Carol Channing: are you ssssshure it wasn’t meee?! I think I remember myself smiling really widely like this:

Martha ray: no.

Carol Channing: are you positive?! Because I would’ve shown all of my teeth… that would’ve made sense that I did those commercials…

Florence Henderson as Carol Brady: and me…. Don’t forget me!!! I did the commercials too! I’m carol brady! Remember that?! I am the mom on the Brady bunch! My husband Mike didn’t want to do the variety show, but we did it anyway. The kids were insistent that we do it… I wasn’t. I’m a wall flower really…

Kari: you were in a band with bob dylan’s son?!

Carol Brady: no, I wasn’t. How do they perform if they’re so shy?!

Martha ray: oyyyyy…

George Lopez: can I ask what the hell I just walked in on here?

George Carlin: don’t…

Kari: look! There’s 3 Georges!!!! There’s gotta be a joke in this somewhere…

George Carlin: not so far, unfortunately… but how about this? a smoker, a joker, and a midnight poker… player… (Keillor, I would never say this shit… )

Kari: you love manfred Mann!

George Carlin: I guess I do now…

Kari I have no clue how we lucked out, but George Lopez here was in a huge poker tournament! He lost to a girl.

Gracie Allen: oh George, you didn’t! When I was alive women were not allowed to participate in such masculine things… remember honey?! I tried playing with you one time in one if our shows and I won by accident cause I didn’t know how to play and I was shuffling a deck that had been sewn together and I dressed like a card shark! Oh! was I funny…

George Burns: um, Gracie dear,.. they was Lucille Ball in an episode of, “I love Lucy.”

Gracie Allen: oh dear… that wasn’t me then?!

Desi arnaz: not unless you were my wife.

Gracie Allen: oh no…. I could never eat Cuban… too spicy…

George Lopez: holy shit…

George Carlin: look George, here’s the deal; We aren’t the people you may have known personally or met one time at a celebrity golf tournament or a celebrity roast…

Gracie Allen: mr. Lopez, you’ll have to forgive me, but are you in tournaments for a living? Is that a career now?

George Burns: here Gracie, have an “ant on a log” it’s delicious..,

(George Burns shoves the celery stick with peanut butter and raisins in Gracie’s mouth)

George Carlin: As I was saying… we are facsimiles that this woman Kari keillor, an unknown and fine that way but would prefer to get paid highly cause who wouldn’t for her writing, and stay relatively incognito like most writers do or don’t depending, cobbles together to entertain herself and maybe like 4 other people. So, don’t freak.

George Lopez: I’ve dealt with creepier… after all, I was on network television for years…. (1)

Kari: ok, this scene is going south fast… So, I’m gonna end it with a fruity observation.

George Lopez: ok….

Kari: George, your last name implies you’re low on…. Pez.

Richard Pryor: it doesn’t imply it, it straight up says it. Hey… listen man… if your body was a pez dispenser, does your dick come out your neck?

George x 3: scene.

(1) network execs not reading this, please don’t blame George Lopez, or any other person for this terrible display of writing… it’s just that Kari’s pen, Bill Murray, wrote this, so, if you’re going to blame anyone, please put all blame on, Bill Murray. Thank you. 🥸🙈🤷‍♀️💕🤣

The Steve Miller band wrote and sang, “the joker”. (Mentioned above) Manfred Mann, did not. But, if you are blinded by the light, be sure to check him out, as he is the resident expert in that department…