#shes not relaxed in At Least a decade and her muscles match her emotional tension yk

[futurefind]

//Fun fact: Sa's insecurity about her musculature is undoubtedly worsened, unironically, by her not fucking relaxing. MAYBE LET URSELF FUCKING UNCLENCH IF U WANT COINS TO NOT BOUNCE OFF OF YOU SO WELL YK ?????

[onesparrow]

Softer Words: 3, 14, 17

i do not believe in love at first sight. but god damn. (look at you.)

Ari/Cullen, Pacific Rim AU. Rated T. Also on AO3

If pressed, there are a lot of things Ari would claim she believes in; flannel being the most comfortable material, gelato’s superiority to ice cream, that the Titan Program is the only shot they have at closing the breach. If the gods are still around, she believes that they stopped caring a long time ago. Deep down, she believes that she won’t make it out of this fight in one piece, but that her brother will. More than anything else, she believes in her ability to take down a Ghastann in a Titan, even if she’s never set foot in the drift.  

There are just as many things that Ari does not believe in; using pick-up lines, the wall’s ability to be anything more than an eyesore, and sleeping with socks on. She doesn’t believe in love at first sight any more than she believes that the gods sent the Ghastann out of the fade as a punishment.

Standing in the pouring rain while staring down their new Titan pilot, she still doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but goddamn is she positive that they’re perfectly drift compatible. She gives him a once over, quickly cataloging details, as Cassandra introduces them; the way his hair is starting to curl at the ends from the rain, the deep shadows under his eyes and the hollows under his cheekbones, the shy set of broad shoulders, the scar that cuts through his lip, how his curious gaze catches on her own scars. She’s so busy taking him in that she nearly physically startles when his mind brushes against hers, a light touch tinged with curiosity and a strong undercurrent of hope. Ari isn’t sure if he’s just unaware of what he’s doing or if he was never taught any manners, but she pushes him right back out.

He’s not what I expected, she tells Cassandra, keeping her voice neutral.

Better or worse? Cullen asks in strongly accented Dalish. His face flushes slightly, but he doesn’t break eye contact.

“I thought you’d be taller,” Ari responds, smirking when the response wins her a smile.

                                                            —

No, Leliana says. You are not a candidate.

The words hit her like a punch to the stomach. Excuse me? Ari asks, positive she misheard.  

You are not a candidate, Leliana repeats, not looking up from the documents on her desk.

Leliana, you’ve seen our compatibility scores. Not only that, but I can feel it, Ari argues, trying to keep her voice level but slamming her hands down on Leliana’s desk. This is my chance. I’ve been training for years longer than most pilots, you know I’m ready for this-

Leliana eyes snap up to meet hers, eyes sharp. No, you are not.

Ari goes to protest, anger flaring high in her chest, but is cut off again. Ariadne, I will not argue about this. Watch him train with Cassandra, and the put together a list of candidates. I want it first thing Friday.

She does not bother to keep her emotions off her face. Marshall, Ari says through a clenched jaw, her tone dancing along the fine line between respect and impudence.

If she lets the door slam shut behind her, it’s most certainly an accident.

                                                           —

She’s never been one to sit with her anger, always needing a way to burn it off. By the time she finds Attis, a half hour after she left Leliana’s office, her anger has built to the point that he only needs to look up from his conversation with Varric to know something’s gone wrong. He knows better than to ask, hastily pushing his chair back and rushing after his twin, calling apologies over his shoulder.

They gather a small audience over the hours that they spar. To the untrained eye, they look perfectly in sync; the ideal Titan pilots. It couldn’t be further from the truth. Their ability has nothing to do with drift compatibility, but is based solely on the fact that they’ve been sparring together for over a decade. Attis has the same level of connection to the Fade as a dwarf, a topic that he and Ari never discuss. He says he’s happier researching, anyways.

“Two Titan pilots in the family is enough,” he always jokes when people ask him if he’s disappointed. “Three would just be overkill.”

Ari always stays quiet during this, knowing that there’s a good chance that had they been compatible that they would have been put in a Titan by the time they hit eighteen, Leliana’s overprotectiveness be damned.

But now it seems that they’d never even make it to two Lavellan pilots. The thought makes her lash out with sudden strength, knocking an already exhausted Attis onto his back with enough force that he nearly slides off the mat entirely.

“Control, Ari,” he grunts when he’s slid to a stop, struggling to sit up. Ari curses and rushes forward to help him up.

It’s when Attis is rubbing his shoulders that the exhaustion hits her, so sudden that leaves her trying to catch her breath. She’s hyper aware of her hair clinging to her face from sweat, the clothes sticking to her skin, and how warm the dog tags are against her sternum. Bruises are already beginning to bloom across her skin.

Cullen stands in the doorway, expression curious. He’s the last person she wants to see, but he’s done nothing wrong. She forces her face into a smile, brushing past him into the hallway and heads towards the showers.

                                                           —

It’s Friday, and it takes more effort than she would like to not slam the list down on Leliana’s desk. Ari’s muscles are tense as Leliana looks over the list of candidates she prepared, nodding as she hands it back, eyes still focused on her screen.

“I want them all in the sparring room this afternoon. Make sure everyone is there on time.”

“Marshall,” Ari says and turns on her heel to all but storms out, ignoring Leliana’s sigh.

                                                           —

The candidates are quick to line up when Leliana arrives. Ari makes no move to greet her, posture stiff as Leliana moves to stand at her side. She eyes the candidates and then turns her gaze to Cullen, who is observing her just as carefully.

“If you’re ready Ranger, we can get started,” Leliana says, and Cullen nods, looking at Ari and her iron grip on her tablet curiously as he shrugs off his coat, folding it up by his shoes.

He squares his shoulders and steps onto the mat, balancing himself carefully as he sizes up his first opponent, a qunari who towers over him. The sleeveless shirt Cullen is wearing shows the rune shaped scars burned into his arms, stealing the qunari’s attention for a split second before she lunges forward. Their staves meet with a loud crack, and the trials start.

By the eighth fight Ari is having a hard time tamping down her annoyance, and she struggles not to scowl when Cullen knocks another candidate onto their back.

“Four points to two,” she says, but is cut off from calling the next candidate when Cullen turns to face her, jaw tense.

“Is there a problem?” Cullen asks, frustration bleeding into his tone as he slams the end of the stave into the mat even as he tries to keep his anger in control. “Do you not like them?”

Ari looks up from her tablet, expression flat. “Excuse me?”

“The candidates. Every time a match ends you all but roll your eyes and I can feel your disdain from here,” he says, shoulders tense. “Are you unhappy with their performance? I thought you picked them yourself.”

Leliana’s gaze stays on her when she speaks. “It’s hardly their performance I have a problem with,” Ari snaps, and Cullen looks surprised. “You could have taken them all two moves earlier, but you always let them get one last hit in.”

Cullen crosses his arms across his chest defensively. “Oh, do I now?”

“Yes, you do.”

They stare each other down, the tension building between them until the point that the other candidates could feel it. When he breaks eye contact with her, it’s only to focus his gaze on Leliana.

“I want to spar with Ariadne,” Cullen says, and Ari looks at Leliana for the first time since she entered the room.

“No,” Leliana says without missing a beat. “We are going to stick with the candidates we have chosen. Only the ones with drift compatibility-“

“Which we have,” Ari interrupts. “You’ve seen the results-.”

“It’s not just about mental compatibility,” Leliana starts to say, and Cullen sees his opening.

“Didn’t you train her yourself?” he asks, keeping his tone inquisitive. “If you’re worried that she’s not going to be able to hold her own against me, you could just say so.”  

He raises an eyebrow at Leliana, challenge issued. Ari tries not to bristle, and a muscle in Leliana’s jaw twitches before she takes the tablet out of her hands. “Go.”

She tries to look relaxed as she strips off her shoes and coat, tries to stay focused and not let the eagerness to prove herself  make her clumsy. One of the recruits tosses her their stave, and she catches it one handed before stepping onto the mat. Her confidence, at least, is not something she has to fake.

Cullen holds his ground as she stalks towards him, maintaining eye contact until she passes him.

“Remember, this is about compatibility,” he says, tone casual. “It’s a conversation, not a fight.”

Ari reaches the end of the mat and turns to face him, not letting him bait her. “Of course,” she says, tone sweet and a smirk firmly in place as she moves into a fighting stance. “A conversation.”

They circle each other, not breaking eye contact. She doesn’t flinch when he moves forward suddenly, letting him get first hit in. Cullen lip quirks upward, pulling at his scar, and Ari moves before he gets a chance to gloat, knocking his stave out of the way and letting hers hover a hairsbreadth away from his nose. A look of shock crosses his face for a split second before his mind knocks into hers, an attempt to knock her off balance, but also one that gives away his delight.

The unexpected hit and emotion distracts her enough to let him land a hit on her hip, and Cullen grins when she pushes his mind away. “2-1. Focus, Ariadne.”

She twists out of his way and forces him to go on the defensive, driving him to the opposite edge of the mat before she stops, staff at his throat.

“2-2. You tiring already?” Ari taunts. They maintain eye contact for a moment, a moment of stillness before they stop toying with the other and go all in.

The rest of the fight is a blur of parrying and the sound of staves clashing together. They twist across the mat, and they trade blows until they manage to knock each other to the ground, each getting a point in within a minute of each other. They’re tied again, and whoever gets the next hit in will win, and they don’t hesitate before they move again.

It’s when Cullen takes a swing at her head that Ari ducks low, grabbing at his leg at the same time she lashes out with her mind. He goes down quickly, taking her with him so that he’s pinned down by her legs. They stare at each other, breathing hard, the satisfaction of victory burning high in Ari’s chest.  Someone in the back of the room wolf whistles.

“Enough!” Leliana calls out, and Ari drops her grip on Cullen’s shin. She rolls to her feet quickly, but he stays on the floor for a moment longer to catch his breath before pushing himself up.

“She’s my co-pilot,” Cullen states, staring Leliana down, the confidence in his voice backed by the way he can’t help but brush against Ari’s mind again.

“That’s not going to work,” Leliana says bluntly. “And that is not up for argument. I have made my decision. I’ll send someone with the results.”

She turns on her heel, heading out the door without another word, leaving the room in shocked silence and taking the ground out from under Ari’s feet as she goes.

                                                           —

Cullen finds her faster than she expected him to. He hesitates at the door, standing where she can see him from the corner of her eye, and when Ari doesn’t react he carefully moves forward. He sits down next to her on the deck so they’re both level with Knight Enchanter’s chest. Dagna has been working on tweaking the elbow joint; the left one still sticks a little, and everyday Sera swears that today will be the day they fix it. Ari has been watching her work for the past hour and it isn’t calming her down as much as it usually does.

A few minutes pass before Cullen speaks. “Do you know why Leliana made her decision?”

Ari turns her head to look at him. He’s lit up by the warm light of the runes that power the Knight Enchanter, and she can’t pinpoint the expression on his face. Instead she takes him in; he’s lost some of the gauntness he had before, the shadows under his eyes lighter. Cullen’s eyes nearly the same colour as the runes on the Titan behind him.

“No,” she lies, voice soft. She has her suspicions but she isn’t willing to share them. “But Leliana has her reasons.”

They sit in silence, listening to Dagna and Sera shout instructions back and forth to each other below them.

                                                           —

Ari startles when someone knocks on her door hours later. She half expects it to be Cullen, but is surprised when instead it’s Leliana standing behind the door.

“Can I come in?” she asks quietly. Ari nods, wrapping her flannel shirt tighter around herself as she moves out of the way.  

They stare at each other for a few heartbeats before Leliana speaks again. “You cannot do this for revenge, Ariadne,” she sighs, and Ari’s heart skips a beat.

“Leliana-“ she starts, taking a step forward.

Leliana shakes her head, “Go get ready. You’re late.”

Ari takes a moment to throw her arms around her neck, holding onto her tightly. She throws a blinding grin at her over her shoulder before rushing out to the Titan bay.

                                                           —

Ari doesn’t believe at love at first sight. But when she steps into Knight Enchanter as her pilot and sees Cullen checking the calibrations, his relieved laugh bouncing through the cockpit when he catches sight of her in her drive suit, she can’t help but think that this is as close as she’ll get.

[healthetdf045-blog]

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