#shelreni baro

[yansurnummu]

To the Horrors I've Known and Loved

A story about change, parallels, and never being able to go home.

(Read on AO3. updates most Mondays. Warning for body horror themes, minor character death, fantasy weed smoking)

To the Horrors I've Known and Loved:

I often asked myself, if I could tell you one thing now, what would it be? The answer's changed a lot, over the years. 

Once there was a time where I cursed you. You took everything from me, and it made me so, so angry. I wanted to hurt you as you'd hurt me.

For a long time, I feared you. I was alone. I built walls for fear you might find me. And, oh, did I have a lot of time to build those walls into a bloody fortress. A prison of my own making.

Now… I'm not so sure. Grief is an odd thing. It sneaks up on you. Did you grieve for me that day? Or was I simply an obstacle in your path?

I thought I had done grieving long ago. But looking at you now, I realise I had been mourning something else entirely. An object, an idea, a place I could never see again. Some nebulous concept I wonder if I even really had in the first place.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is… even after everything that's happened, everything you did, everything I had to do; I forgive you. I do. Because I could have done the same. It would have been so easy. If anything, I should thank you. If you hadn't broken me, I would have ended up just like you. 

I look at you and I'm looking in a mirror. I see now that you and I are the same. The difference is in the fucking details.