#shelby jiggets

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Glamorous Life

One of my most favorite compliments as an adult was being called glamorous! I was attending a house party being given by Dominic Vine, an artist, sex worker and writer who I had totally wanted to have relations with, but was okay just being in his very curious and fascinating presence. When I think of glamour I think of Lena Horne, Earth Kitt or Dorothy Daindridge, so it felt like such a blessing to be included amongst these classic goddesses.

I can't even lie I am not even sure what I was wearing that particular night, or when exactly I crossed the threshold into having a more elegant bearing. I think the potential was always there it just took a moment for me to refine and polish it. Curiously I have never made an attempt at categorizing my personal style, I just wear what I wear. I understand that what you wear and how you wear it is an extension of an expression of your personality and values. But sometimes you haven't come across the language in which you have your 'aha' moment.

Partially I feel this regal-ness started in high school, albeit my wardrobe would take more time to align with my internal feelings for myself. I remember I had this brown knit v-neck sweater that had a very deep neckline. I wasn't sure exactly how to wear the sweater a buttoned down shirt didn't feel right and neither did tank-tops they ruined the natural lines of the piece. So I would be bare-chested with my cleavage fully exposed. #TheGirlsWereOut My great posture and beautiful collar bones actually allowed me to carry this look off flawlessly. This would lead me years later to buying deep v-neck t-shirts from American Apparel which were my go-to travel looks. I was so sad when they closed and my source of deep v-necks dried up.

I have mentioned to the children that personal style is a journey, and I can recall certain pieces I used to own and how significant they were in elevating my style at the time. I remember some outfits I experimented with like this look I wore to work at The Public Theatre where George C. Wolfe the artistic director at the time had issue with, but wasn't man enough to say something to me himself, but sent underlings to attempt to make me feel less than.

The outfit was built around this neon orange mini dress I was gifted by a Soho boutique owner, that I was wearing as a top, these vintage polyester black bell bottom pants, and a navy morning coat with long tails that I had thrifted at my local thrift store in Williamsburg. The outfit was finished off with a long orange scarf with tassels and these vintage black 70s platform shoes I had thrifted in Ann Arbor. As far as I was concerned I looked amazing, and even visualizing the look today I did look good, it was a great pairing of items and my work was never constrained by what I wore or didn't wear.

Shelby Jiggets the dramaturg at the time took me aside and said that George had a problem with what I was wearing for the day, saying it lent itself to something reminiscent of a minstrel show. There was so much that was problematic with this summons, and this conversation. I a young dark-skinned gender non-conforming openly queer person was being called to the carpet by an older light-skinned and semi-closeted cis gay man who seemed to be mad at my young Black joy and self-expression.

This outfit was elegant and I daresay glamorous and it wasn't degrading to the history of Black people in America. I was dark-skinned but in no way possible was I dark enough to be confused with wearing blackface. I wasn't bulging my eyes or reddening my lips or acting cartoonishly Negroid, I was going about the daily tasks of my job as I would any other day with just a more elaborate ensemble. It was doubly insulting to be inside of a cultural institution where creativity was allegedly cultivated and to be told that I needed to be less creative in my own self-expression. #wtf

Working at the Public Theatre in the mid-nineties was such an honor and privilege for me so early in my theatrical career, and it was bolstered by the fact that most of the staff and crew were Black or people of color, it felt very affirming just working there. But it was also a great lesson in learning that in developing your personal style you're going to take risks and sometimes you will offend others, but you shouldn't let this discourage you from the journey of how to let your inside reflect on your outside.

We carry who we are, where we've been and what is important to us in what we wear and how we wear it. It always saddens me when folks don't use this very obvious platform as a form of self-expression, clothing can have an entire conversation with the world at large without even saying a word. Choose your words carefully.

[Photo by Brown Estate, black and white photo by Tony Kushner]