#shed also say how much money that involved

[treasure-goblin]

I am suitability freaked out this morning but it's ok I have two friends coming with me this time and it's supposed to be for my own good so yeah

[mariamegale]

More clarification on Dybowski's position within Ice Pick Lodge today from IPL ex-employee Luchin, after yesterday's comments.

Sorry for posting so much in the patho tag, but unfortunately it's what's best for visibility. I have, and will be, using the "Dybowski Allegations" tag for any post on this, so please block that tag if you don't want to see it.

Since my post yesterday on Alexey Luchin's comments/allegations against Dybowski, he has given Reddit some updates and clarifications. I'll summarise the Reddit thread, but quote Luchin in full for transparency.

The thread is on the topic of Dybowski's current involvement with IPL/Pathologic 3. Commenters stated that he has sold the company, and hasn't been very involved with the games since The Void (2008). Whether this is a valid interpretation of Luchin's earlier statements was discussed, and the fact that he's been a main P2 writer and involved with a lot of promo stuff over the years was brought up. Luchin, after being pinged, showed up to clarify:

Russian companies often use a "fake owner" for various reasons, this is the case here. Motivations may be to avoid alimony, to ease money transfers between the main company part in Kazakhstan and the original main company and it's Cyprus subordinary. It is not illegal, and even not a loophole, though. I wouldn't dwell on that much. It's important what people work in the studio factually.

and,

Yep, I'd say it's up to the currently employed to shed light reliably. But in general around after the Void he was more of an broad ideas guy — and a good one, it wasn't my intent to downplay him in that regard. At the same time, game development is a multistage process, and from my personal knowledge, I can attribute a lot of the new games qualities to "fresh blood", and the other co-founders acting more professional. E.g. Alphyna has covered a decent chunk of actual writing on Pathologic 2 and had a pivotal role in maintaining the timeline of events of the game, charater motivations, etc together. Ivan Slovtsov carried the detailed game design and balancing with his team — which gave him a good position in tinyBuild after, etc. IPL is to some extent an autere game company, with the source and numerous modifications coming from Nikolay, but in my time his input was irregural, disrupting, and in my personal opinion wasn't often for the good of the game. At the same time, the fresh blood in the studio grew on the principles on which the studio was founded and successfully carries its legacy already. This is an opinion, though, still. Personally, I'll still play Pathologic 3, it's great, from what I know / have seen. And all my posts here are done with a heavy heart — it's not easy to be dissapointed in a talanted figure such as Dybowsky myself.

So, based on this (keep in mind Luchin himself has stated to have no contact with Dybowski himself since 2018, although it feels fair to assume he'd still be in contact with other former coworkers) the exact role of Dybowski in the creation of these games seems a little unclear. But I also don't think anyone's been debating whether he's been involved up until p3, as much as how deeply involved he is in p3.

Ultimately, it's up to everyone to decide for themselves where they stand in terms of opinion on p3, buying the game, sticking around in the fandom, supporting the studio, et cetera., but that's the new info.

To just give my own personal two cents: I am still in the position I was yesterday, which is that I believe IPL has to make a statement on all of this, and cut ties with Dybowski, before I'll be completely comfortable giving them money. However, I do also want to acknowledge the fact that this is not a black and white situation, and that the discourse surrounding this does warrant some level of nuance. I'm, of course, speaking in relation to the other people working at IPL.

It's incredibly easy to say both, "Dybowski is not his team; they should never be punished for his actions," and "they may have helped cover for him for twenty years; they should be held responsible." Silence is, to a degree, complicity, and if Luchin is to be believed not just in his "open secret" statement but also here, in reference to the student grooming allegations:

That's the Nema-Soda episode around the same time previous accusations surfaced. Well known in the Russian segment of the internet.

That's bad. If this truly has been this out in the open and known, that's really fucking bad, and I want this company - at least its management - to be held responsible for their potential silence and complicity in this.

But, at risk of sounding like I'm excusing any of this, I do also want to remind you that according to Luchin, as well as earlier testimonies including Renata's, this is also a person who is apparently incredibly vindictive. He is also pretty rich by Russian standards, and has held some level of influence in academia and the Russian game dev community for many years. I don't know exactly how his vindictiveness would take its form, especially not against employees, but I've been in toxic workplaces before - it can be scary, downright terrifying, to go after or even up against someone like this. No matter how shitty they are, especially if you're not in a country with good whistleblower laws (and just, in general, a system which will take the original allegations seriously, which... I'm not Russian, but I'm allowing myself some possibly problematic doubt that you'd be able to comfortably know that. I come from a significantly more progressive country, and I would absolutely not take it for certain) it can be incredibly difficult to stand up for what's right and take that risk to your livelihood, safety, and future job prospects. Especially in a job market so (relatively) niche as Russian game development. I'm also pretty damn sure there's not a union, or anything like it, to back you up if you get inofficially retaliated against.

Human being end up in abusive situations and find themselves, for one reason or another, not doing anything about it all the time. SA victims don't always report their perpetrator. Fraud victims don't always come forward. People subjected to wage theft don't always call their union reps. And others, those who witness it, don't always do it either. Sometimes because it's not their place, sometimes because they don't care, and sometimes because they're afraid. I don't think it's fair to assume everyone is in the second category, just as how I wouldn't think it's fair to assume everyone is in any of the others - it'd be absurd to assume every IPL worker doesn't want to out someone else's victimhood, which is why they haven't said anything publicly, for example. However, not reporting is an incredibly common blame to put on a victim or witness, because it's assumed that by not reporting it, they're essentially enabling the perpetrator to do it again. And I personally just don't think that's just - not without knowing what else weighed into a person's decision not to speak up.

I'm not saying this absolves all of IPL. I especially don't think it absolves the people at the top with Dybowski, who would have been more protected than the bottom-line workers. I simply am asking for some honest-to-god nuance. Personally, I'm still not happy to give IPL any money - not until I know Dybowski is not getting any of it, and measures have been taken to protect their other employees. But I'm also not interested in broad brushing an entire company of twenty years as evil, because the employees haven't made (english) publically available attempts at getting this guy out. We know, by his own accord, Luchin didn't - we know nothing of the others. A conversation with a manager that went badly is not likely to become public knowledge. People lamenting their powerlessness to stop someone to their colleagues or friends won't reach us. Someone quietly resigning because they can't do this anymore, but not being willing to put themselves on the line, is not a detail we're going to have.

I'm happy the silence has, hopefully irrevocably and undeniably, been broken. I'm hoping some people, Dybowski in particular, will face justice, or at least consequences. I hope Renata and her son, as well as Dybowski's other children, are safe and happy. I hope that IPL will do something, and move forward as a better company.

I want them to make a statement about this. That's non-negiotiable, for me, personally. I also want to see a change, and a better company with a better work culture going forward, making games and nurturing a community safely away from all this shit.

However, I accept the grim possibility that this will never happen, and am trying to decide on what that means for me personally moving forward with the fandom. I don't have any moral qualms about piracy, that's not what this is about. And that's the wider conversation I think I personally will need more, moving forward, in regards to my relationship with Pathologic.

That's my two cents.

[dol-dee]

So... you imagine DoL set in the early 2000s? ME TOO. Tell me more about that!

aaaaaaa yes I do!!!! (Sorry for the late reply haha. I kept forgetting to come back to this ask) I think I started to feel that way pretty early on, since there's hardly any electronics around in game.

You don't have access to a phone yourself (which, admittedly makes sense as an orphan) but electronics get barely mentioned in general. (I'm guessing the true reason for it, is that it would be too much of a hassle to implement electronics as a mechanic in game. bc arguably you should easily be able to buy a phone or w/e later on, if dol actually took place in our time) Named npcs often have phones to record you with (which I kinda forgot about tbh lmao) but unless in that context, phones don't get brought up at all iirc. None of the named npcs ever ask you for your phone number and Social media isn't really a topic of conversation either.

The only Computers that I remember mentioned in game are Leightons, Mickey's, Kylars and the one you can check in the police station. (I don't remember if Bailey even has one or not.) They are far and few between. They also all read as desktop computers to me and not laptops. Hell, the only gaming Console to ever be a topic of interest, is Robins. I don't think we hear of/see any handheld conosles at all. Even TV's rarely get mentioned.

Pop Culture, like manga, anime and games doesn't seem to be a big thing yet either.

All of that gives me the impression that most electronic is still pretty sparse and hard to come around and kinda reminds me of my childhood when those interests where still conisdered niche/nerdy and weird. The few characters that have desktop pc's seem to be ones that had/have enough money (like Kylar, maybe Bailey?) to foot the bill, are either in a high enough position of power to own one (like leighton) or they're involved enough in shady business that they might have the resources to have their own equipment (Mickey).

tbf a lot of my reasoning can be argued against or easily explained away, but I think dol is infinitely more interesting as a game/story when it's set during the early/mid 2000s, where most electronics were still hard to come by.

Oh and last but not least: it simply makes for easier story telling haha. I think there would be way more ""plot holes"" you'd have trouble explaining away if it was set during modern times. considering how much digital surveilance we have nowadays.

Aside from all the examples I just brought up, dol just has that 2000s grime to me. It's so grungy and dank in it's vibes that it always reminds me of that timeframe. Just has that kinda clunky/kitschy charm to it. (a more eclectic personal explanation is that the seasons in game still feel the way I remember them for my childhood. nowadays everything feels really out of wack thanks to global warming. Although I'm sure that people who are older than me would say the same haha)

to keep this already long post short(er lmao) I'm gonna go into some headcanons under the cut; Basically which Characters have electronics and why:

Avery: has an expensive af and extremely clunky looking (by todays standards) work laptop, that she sometimes lugs around. Also owned one of the first mobile phones. Those really big and blocky ones. Maybe even had one of those phones that were built into cars. However, I think shed be kinda annoyed by mobile phones*, even if she's extremely diligent in answering her calls. (the grind never stops) *based on this comic from 1919 about pocketphones: Mostly because she strikes me as someone who doesn't care to be overly accessible and also hates it when whatever shes doing at the moment gets disrupted by something else.

Alex: Canonically has a phone in game. To me it's a landline phone. They don't own much electronics beside it. They have no desktop pc and no mobile phone. (canonically the own a tv and I feel like they'd have a radio, maybe even an old record player) Bailey: It would make sense for them to have a desktop computer but I can't remember if they canonically (and with that I mean in game) do have one or not. I could see it either way tbh. As they strike me as a stubborn hard ass whos paranoid about electronics and quickly gets annoyed by it) They only own burner phones aside from the official landline phone thats designated for "over the counter" orphanage business. Eden: Has an old ass radio and an extremely dusty burner phone that bailey gave them once. They don't own anything else

Harper: has a mobile phone they got from Remy, it's purely for business. I don't think they have one for personal business. They own a pager though bc of the hospital. They probably have a desktop pc too if only for hospital stuff.

Kylar: Has a Desktop pc, their parents footed the bill for that many screened monstrosity (tbf i dont know enough to remember if old pcs are even able to have several monitors connected to them or not). Probably had a mobile phone once. Whitney stole it. They own a few consoles but they prefer pc gaming (pc master race /j) Some 2000s era games (with no consideration for an exact timeframe) that I think Kylar would be into are : Vampire: The Masquerade Bloodlines American McGee's Alice Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 3 / Persona 3 Portable The Urbz: Sims in the City The Sims 2 The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask

Robin: No mobile phone, the only electronics they keep around (until they inevitably need to sell them for emergency money) are an old tv and a gaming console. I have no concrete headcanons regarding the exact console and games unfortunately. (They seem to like superhero related stuff and I don't remember enough games that I associate with that direction of the top of my head)

Sydney: Has access to a landline phone but thats it. they don't have a mobile phone. Maybe they got to look at/ try out a pc at Kylars house once upon a time, but I don't think Sirris has one themself. I might be off with this but I could see Sirris being the one who bought a few early nintendo consoles like the SNES and Game Cube. Maybe even a gameboy.

Whitney: I don't think Whitney or their family is particularly wealthy so all of the access to electronics that they got, is either through wealthier friends, bullying or stealing. They have a mobile phone and probably a few handheld consoles they nabbed off their victims (in secret).

[2minutesnotice]

do you think the others ever treat blitz like a sugar baby? cause, while he has a successful business, he is the poorest of the four. two of them are literal hell royalty and fizz is one of the most famous people in hell.

i just like imagining them showering blitz in gifts and being silent partners in his business so he doesnt have to worry about going under if he doesnt get enough clients one week

Just so you know, I'll go just with my headcanon Polycule and kiiiinda ignore canon here, if that's okay?

I'm still trying to stay in character as possible but there's some stuff I'm still trying to figure out, without ignoring their own character traits.

For your question:

Private Blitzø appreciates gifts, as long as they're mindfully chosen. He's not into expensive stuff, he has no need for expensive clothes or jewelry, he's fine with his last generations phone, he loves to chose his weapons himself.

But he definitely loves the little gifts, horse merch, a new blanket from Stolas, a date night in which he doesn't need to pay (and sometimes he does and they let him).

I think he would be really pissed when it was obvious that they would gift him things just because he's not in wealth. Like, when Stolas's tried to buy him clothes for an fancy event they attended to (and it was nerve wracking anyway since it was one of the events in which they showed up together, like officially announced and Stolas was all over him the whole time, nervous energy spreading) he got really angry at some point, since it felt like a weird degrading dress up game for him.

Or Fizz gifting him expensive tech, like, he doesn't need a damn watch that talks to him, thank you very much.

BUT Ozzie is smarter lol

Ozzie involves Blitzø into things. He shows him fancy cooking and Blitzø is so damn well good with a knife, cutting those onions without shedding a single tear, and that pan which they use has a special knack to it and nothing sticks on it and oh, these plates are nice, thanks, they're from a manufacturer handmade from Sloth.

So he gifts him these thing, like, a fancy cutting knife for cooking, to prepare dinner faster. Nice looking tableware, in Blitzøs favorite color because he liked them so much and now he can prepare fancy dinners for them on fancy plates.

He involves Blitzø into HIS business and the man is all over the pleasure bringing things, why not gift him those, he had his fingers in them anyway.

If they think Blitzø is absolutely wrecked tired from doing mission after mission and keeping a relationship with 3 people, Ozzie will tell him how good he is and that his business is thriving and gifts ALL of IMP a day spa gift card. That he owns that Spa is a secret lol

So, Blitzø is good with gifts but they know he has boundaries and even if it is hard to accept these sometimes, they really try to not make him uncomfortable. Also, he loves gifts that involve all of them, LuLu Land tickets, coffee dates, sex toys, vacations (he pays his share of the expenses but who would say no to free drinks). He just does not like to feel like he's using all of them for their money.

(And that's something that hits hard, since Stella constantly is on their back screeching that into the crowd. Also tabloids and newspapers rip their relationship apart, since Blitzø moved into the palace, calling him a Homewrecker and that his status is definitely not good enough for a prince, that he's a moneychaser. That does something to people..)

Business Blitzø will talk business.

IMP is good, they're making money and some of that really gets into their pockets. They can buy better guns, better ammo.

It's not as chaotic as it was at the beginning, since they now can use the damn Crystal (yeah it exists, yeah there was a sad hiccup in Stolitz relationship. They worked it out..kinda) and Ozzie is way better at keeping that a secret then Stolas was, with letting Blitzø handling the book.

(I'm still waiting for that court episode since I think the use of the book will be addressed there and they will be in deep shit lol)

Since I headcanon that Blitzø is half Succubus (or Incubi, since he's a male), Ozzie has that card ready when someone asks.

They also have human disguises now (and yes, Stolas fucked him human, he really wanted to try lol), which makes dealing with the human world way easier.

And when it comes to his business, Blitzø allows his partners a little bit of help, but mostly to keep things smoothly. Obviously Ozzie did his biggest part by giving him a Crystal, but sometimes Stolas does some long overdue Paperwork ("You have to do your taxes, darling! You're throwing away money" "Of course Hell would have taxes, it's literally Hell!") , Fizz looking over their schedule ("You should keep up with the timezones, Idiot. Look, if you do your killing in France and then go to Japan, there will be daylight in Japan and it's way easier of you do that at night, I'll keep an eye on that!") and trying to keep his boyfriend alive lol

But no, no partnership with anyone. IMP is Blitzøs work, his pride. He's good at what he's doing there, he loves his employees, he's glad he has something to get up to every morning. There's his name and his name alone on that door.

He needs that and they accept that. It's that one step to a better picture of himself and his self worth. They even got him to hang a picture of them all into his office and his face isn't blacked out. Just a post it glued over it.

So, thank you for your question! As you can see I love to rant about these idiots lol

[anonymousboxcar]

I have a fic/au idea that I don’t have the spoons to write in full prose right now, but I’d like to put it out there.

So. Henry arrives on Sodor and an outraged Fat Director demands to know who built him. Henry tries to answer all his questions, but he soon realizes he doesn’t know much about his builders either.

He first came to in a damp shed with boarded-up windows. He never made out any faces, only ever hearing low voices around him. This was done to keep him from identifying anyone involved.

Once this is clear to Henry, it eats away at him. All the other engines on the NWR know their builders, their inherited legacies, and their engine families (siblings, cousins, etc.). Even worse, he’s not the engine the Fat Director wanted. He can’t help any of this.

…but he can figure out who his builders are. And maybe being able to answer those questions would make the Fat Director a little less angry with him. Maybe he could find out what family he might have out there. Maybe he could get an explanation from them.

So Henry asks engines coming in from the Mainland for info, with Edward and Thomas also asking around for him. The crew assigned to Henry sees how much this matters to him, and, growing fond of him, write letters to the place Henry was built.

They don’t make much progress, however, until Gordon arrives.

Gordon and Henry both feel very shaken when they see each other. Their designs are so close that it can’t be coincidental.

Their investigation is impeded somewhat by Gordon not wanting to associate with Henry. For him, it’s uncomfortable to acknowledge an engine so similar to him and yet so wrong. He looks at Henry and sees what could’ve been his fate, as an experimental prototype. And that doesn’t even go into the blow to his Gresley lineage and prestige as which he perceives Henry.

But then it only makes sense, a bitter Henry argues, for Gordon to disprove the idea that Henry’s a real Gresley engine. And so Gordon relents (with some sternness from Edward and some scowling from Thomas as well).

Gordon then admits when they question him that some plans went missing from Doncaster. It was before his time, but he overheard some people still speculating about who could’ve done it.

He says nobody saw the plans as a great loss — that they were rejected for having too small of a firebox for a locomotive of that size.

But as Henry and his crew begin looking into who stole those plans, suspecting a rival of Gresley, things go wrong with his trains. Things like loosened couplings, damaged track that was fine an hour ago, and trucks catching fire.

It’s all sabotage. Henry has become a liability to his builders by trying to expose them. And seeing as they already got the money from his sale, they have no further need of him.

Henry is horrified, make no mistake, but he’s also angry. He’s done with this nonsense. He wants to see his builders face-to-face, to draw them out, to get some kind of explanation from them.

And so he makes the impulsive decision to stop in a tunnel.

He’s miffed that the Fat Director matches his expectations and bricks him up, but not surprised. He does his best to explain himself to his crew once the hullabaloo dies down. But as he lays out his idea, his confidence wavers.

He’s not sure if he can face the people who built and then abandoned him. He’s not sure if he’ll come away from this safely. And even if does, he’s not sure he hasn’t burned every bridge on this railway and any hope of a future here. Can he trust anyone here?

He doesn’t tell them this, though. It’s too late to go back. He can only see this through.

That night, some strangers approach Henry’s tunnel. They’re his builders. They’re here to dispose of him. He finally sees their faces, even if he can’t put names to all of them.

The way they talk to him confirms that they never cared about him. He was always a means to an end. He was always one of a kind, the product of a jealous grudge against another engineer.

And yet it doesn’t hurt the way Henry thought it would. He sees them and feels no connection, no obligation to them. He realizes they’re not and never were his family — that he never had to please or live up to them.

So when they give him one last chance to shut his mouth, to keep quiet about who they are, he laughs in their faces.

He takes great satisfaction in telling them they can’t command any kind of loyalty from him. He knows he could never trust them and he’s fine with that, because he feels nothing for any of them now. He doesn’t need them.

The only thing that scares him is the thought that he won’t get away from this. As the builders advance on him, he thinks that he’s grown fond of Sodor and this ridiculous railway. He wants to roll his eyes at Thomas’ quips, to watch the sunrise with Edward. He might even want to bicker with Gordon. He wants a future here.

And then his crew leaps out of hiding, getting into a scuffle with the builders.

It’s long enough for Thomas to come barreling down the line, followed by Edward and Gordon. They bring the police, having been informed of the “stake-out” plan… and the Fat Director steps off Thomas’ footplate, too.

The builders are summarily subdued and arrested, and all the engines and crews ask Henry is he’s alright. (Well, Gordon does so in a very roundabout, emotionally constipated way, but he still asks.) Henry is overwhelmed. He was right to trust them, it seems. He could more than trust them.

Henry and the Fat Director then hash things out. It’s a tense and messy conversation, especially because Henry is still reeling from the events of the night so far. But the Fat Director says that, regardless of his own opinions, it’s clear the rest of his engines and workmen would riot if he turned Henry away now. And he can’t afford that.

“You are needed here,” he says. It’s not quite an apology, but it’s close — an undoing of the bricks between them. “You are useful.”

Henry doesn’t say thank you, because this is the bare minimum. “Yes, sir,” he says, trying very hard not to cry anyway.

And so Henry is let out of the tunnel and remains on the NWR. It’s not perfect — far from it, sometimes — but it’s home. It gets better over the years. Decades pass before the Thin Clergyman starts asking around for the story of Henry’s tunnel.

By now, not many people know about what really happened. The knowledge of Henry’s leading designer would’ve torpedoed a workshop’s reputation, one which turned out to be uninvolved in what one of its designers did in his free time. Many people would’ve lost their jobs and locomotives would’ve lost the ability to find homes. So in the end, the scandal was hushed up and the builders were charged on the more minor offenses they committed.

For that reason, Henry and the others quickly rule out telling the truth. Nor does Henry want to revisit that time in his life. He doesn’t want to be associated with his builders in any way.

Thomas’ cheeky suggestion about him not wanting the rain to spoil his paint isn’t very flattering, but the others’ suggestions are even worse. (Edward’s idea of Henry being in the tunnel for a heroic reason is outvoted, though Henry appreciates it.) He also has to admit the Fat Director doesn’t look much better in that version of events — he looks arguably worse than Henry.

Is it petty? Yes. Does Henry go along with it anyway? Yes.

The Fat Director, now the first Fat Controller, accepts this without comment. He’s learned and grown quite a bit since the early days of his railway. He’s not the same man who bricked up Henry; he doesn’t think it’s worth getting so worked up over a small dig at him. (And while he’d never admit it, he thinks it’s a way to somewhat atone for his part in it all.)

But even if the Fat Controller did get upset, Henry wouldn’t be afraid in the slightest. He knows the engines here have his back. He knows he’ll always have his family.

[hash-driveway]

Down With Me (Chapter Two)

Also on AO3!

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Just when Roxie had felt acclimated to Sunnyvale’s events, she had to get used to what Ricky, Bubbles, and Julian got up to when they were together.  Ricky grew weed out of his car, in which he also lived.  He also parked it in Lucy’s driveway, which she failed to mention to Roxie.  Roxie had noticed how little Lucy spoke of Ricky while he was away, always wondering why.  Now that Ricky was back in the trailer park, things seemed to make a bit more sense. Roxie was happy to finally have a weed dealer again since she moved, and she appreciated the fact that he offered her a fair price. 

Bubbles lived in his shed like before, but he was out and about a lot more.  He would accompany Julian and Ricky on their jobs around town.  At first, Roxie had the impression that they were actual handymen, and they got locked up for something innocuous.  As it turned out, Julian was the one who orchestrated most of their jobs, which usually involved stealing or conning their way into some money.  She didn’t know what exactly they were in jail for most recently, but she didn’t really care to find out by asking.  

Julian was a fairly quiet guy.  He kept to himself most of the time, but was friendly with everyone in the park.  When Roxie went on her runs, sometimes he’d be getting his mail or taking the garbage out.  She’d try to stop and say hi to him, partially to have an excuse to be near him.  After a while, he would be outside nearly every time she was.  There was something about Julian that made her want to be friendly, to come out of her shell.  It freaked her out a little.

Through their conversations, Roxie came to realize that Julian was sort of a protector of their community, which was something that she certainly wasn’t used to.  Living in the city meant fending for yourself, making sure that nobody was following you home or trying to pick your pockets. In Sunnyvale, it was different.  Amidst the chaos of the bottle kids and Lahey’s debauchery, this little trailer park was the most tightly-knit neighborhood that she’d been in a while.  

On this particular morning, she decided that she would take a rest day– stay in bed a few minutes after her alarm went off, be slow to rise.  Still dressed in her pajamas, a tank and sweatpants, Roxie dragged herself out of bed and stepped into her slippers.  She brushed her teeth in the bathroom, and headed to the kitchen.  As she began brewing her coffee, there was a knock at her door.  

Furrowing her brow, she opened her door to see Julian standing outside it, taking up most of the door frame. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked, blue eyes boring into hers with concern. 

Confused, Roxie cocked her head to the side, “Yeah? Are you okay?” 

There was a pause.  Julian seemed to be thinking to himself before looking a little embarrassed, “Sorry.  It’s just that you’re usually out by now.  Thought you were sick or something.” He trailed off a bit. Julian’s apparent concern for Roxie amused her.  He raised his free hand and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“You didn’t wait around for me, did you?” 

“No, I just… fuck.” Yeah, Julian was definitely embarrassed. Roxie was a bit flattered.  It felt nice to know that he thought of her, that she was a part of his routine just as much as he was a part of hers.

“I was just about to make breakfast,” she said, giving him a warm smile, “Do you want to come in?” 

Julian took a sip of his drink and smiled, “Fuck yeah.” 

She stepped aside and welcomed him into her trailer.  Julian practically had to duck to get through her door.  Once inside, she made them some scrambled eggs.  

“I’m sorry, I don’t have much else right now.   I’m never very glamorous when I cook for myself.” 

Julian shook his head, “No problem. Thanks, Roxie.” 

Silence fell for a moment as the two of them began to eat together.  They both sat next to each other on her cheap bar stools at the other side of the counter.  

“How are you liking living here?” 

“Oh, I love it.” She sighed, “So much more peaceful than my old place.  I used to live in the city, and to be honest, I hated it.  So much commotion.  And the neighbors sucked.  Didn’t know how to have a good time.  Sunnyvale kind of reminds me of where I grew up, so it was nice to be able to be in a place that was familiar.”

“If we know how to do anything here, we know how to party,” Julian responded, “What brought you here?” 

She thought for a moment, glancing at her feet as she considered lying to Julian about the real reason why she was in Sunnyvale. Julian leaned his arm against the counter, drink in hand, waiting patiently for a response. 

“I, um, left a really, really bad relationship.” 

Julian didn’t say anything.  He just nodded, listening. 

“He made more money than me, held it over my head constantly,” she tried her best to sound like the memories of her ex throwing a vase at her head didn’t haunt her on a daily basis, “Anyway, I found out he cheated on me with my best friend.  He freaked out, threatened to kill himself, then threatened to kill me, so I just… skipped town. I needed a fresh start, you know?” 

When Roxie looked back at Julian, his demeanor had changed.  He was now leaned in a bit closer to her, brows furrowed, a concerned expression on his face.

“Sorry, I dumped all of that on you.  Pretty intense, I know.” 

“No, Roxie, no,” he reassured her, “He sounds like a fucking dick. You changed your phone number, right?” 

“Of course,” she said, suddenly overwhelmed by his response.  She rarely expected people to believe how awful her relationship was without all of the gruesome, traumatic details. It stirred a feeling deep inside of her that left her feeling confused.  

“Good,” Julian sighed, leaning back a bit, “Dicks like that are trouble.  If he ever comes around, let me know.” 

That feeling turned into warmth in her chest.  She choked back a lump in her throat, which perplexed her further.  He believed her? Just like that?  He wanted to protect her? No, there had to be a different reason.  People didn’t just…care about her. 

“I will,” was all that she could utter before a loud banging at her door made her jump out of her skin. 

“ROXIE! HAVE YOU SEEN JULIAN?” 

Julian shook his head and walked over to the door, opening it and immediately berating Ricky for being so aggressive.

“Rick, calm down.  What’s wrong?” 

“Lahey and Randy are fuckin’ with my dope plants, they keep telling me that I need to stop selling on the promperty, which is bullshit because how else am I gonna make a living for my family? And they keep bitching about how I haven’t paid my lot fees. This shit’s so fucked, Julian.” 

Julian sighed and told Ricky to go back outside, and that he’d figure it out in a second.  He quickly took their plates to the sink.  He regarded Roxie before leaving, his palm resting on her shoulder. 

“You ever need anything, don’t be afraid to ask.” 

She nodded and gave him a grateful smile, finding herself unable to speak at the feeling of his hand on her skin and the softness of his stare. 

After Julian said goodbye, Roxanne was left to sit in the silence of her trailer.  She tried to process the sudden mix of emotions that engulfed her as she cleaned up her kitchen.  

[deanwax]

Q&A Tag

thank for tag @dyrewrites

i will keep this as an open tag, for i am eepy.

1) Are you named after anyone?

I have my paternal grandmother's name as my middle name, but I won't say what it is.

2) When was the last time you cried?

The older I get, the more easily I get teary eyed, especially when watching performances or pondering big concepts. I think the last actually shed tear was during the orchestral prelude of The Beauty and the Beast musical a couple weeks ago.

3) Do you have kids?

No. I have never wanted children, which surprises people who have witnessed how excited I get about births among my friends and family. I very much like when my loved ones prosper, I still don't want a baby of my own.

4) What sports do you play/have you played?

Trolley Walk, a sport which doesn't exist but engages me to my core. It is Me vs. Abandoned Trolleys in my Community And Also All Uneven Pavement and Hills, and those trolleys are going back to the shops from whence they came. The intensity ranges from Casual to Ahab and the Whale.

5) Do you use sarcasm?

I try not to, because I'm autistic and I remember the pain of not understanding sarcasm properly. I much prefer the games that we do among my squad who plays video games together on Discord, where we say very stupid things ("my hands are cold" - "get bigger hands"). It's more fun and more obvious.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Probably their hair, but that's probably because it's larger than other features. I am more visually interested in people's eyes and the diversity of their bone structure.

7. What’s your eye color?

Green. It's a genetic mutation!

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like to be scared for fun.

9. Any talents?

Most people I am close with are impressed at how good I am at self care and housekeeping tasks, or 'adulting'. Even when I am very ill, I still manage to feed and bathe myself and maintain a reasonably ordered living space. This is a very useful trait that I would not trade for anything.

10. Where were you born?

Subiaco, Western Australia.

11. What are your hobbies?

Video games, cooking, writing, going to local theatre shows, listening to video essays.

12. Do you have any pets?

Nope!

13. How tall are you?

5'10", but I will often round up to 6 foot to better convey the bigness of me. People who have not met me in person before are often very surprised by my height.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Visual Art. I was the prefect for that subject.

15. Dream job?

I already have it, but it's not related to any of my creative pursuits. It involves technical copywriting and document maintenance. I am compensated reasonably, the work environment is supportive and considerate of my needs, and I have a junior team member to mentor. Learning interpersonal and leadership skills are challenging, but not draining. I don't aspire to much more under capitalism. While I do have a diploma of Graphic Design, that coursework made me realise that I would LOATHE to be creative for other people for money.

[minarcana]

spspspsp 📂 one for each muse :)

laurel - she genuinely, for real, 100% does not comprehend the eorzean general view of sex and gender being in any way linked and gender-exclusive words. shed say like 'i want to be a husband/father' bc in her view, in a couple with children the 'father' is simply whoever didnt bear the child themselves and oftentimes the one who will go out to provide while the 'mother' is whoevers currently babysitting, and laurel doesnt expect to be bearing a kid herself. usually. theres a few exceptions she'll wife herself for. lack of gender and sex linked for her language is mostly because viera have super low male population so theres a lot of lesbianism going on, harold, and gendered loanwords instead just became shorthand for 'whoever is filling that typical role, as borrowed from eorzean culture'.

nero - since he's high rank and decently involved in the eorzea campaign, he was expected to learn some of the regional languages, so he speaks french ishgardian. this is for me a fun fact that since garlemald is based on moscow, in the late tsarist era, french was a highly fashionable language for the elite to learn to the point that noble children were often better at french than russian. im hitting nero with my beams.

urianger - tataru has taught him how to knit. he's not great at it but he does his best. sometimes he's helped her on her outfit-making endeavours-- while he has no outfit design abilities, he can cut and measure as instructed.

estinien - he has weird standards for food, if something's offered to him he'll probably eat it regardless of what it is and not complain. but he also has a lot of opinions on food with decided favourites and if he has money and ability he's much pickier. when he's somewhere new he likes trying things he hasn't before, it's a part of his desire to expand his world.

rusi'a - he's an omnigatherer/omnicrafter but his worst talent is blacksmithing. it's just a bunch of heavy sweaty work that's worse than mining, in his opinion. he doesn't want to make armour, it's such a pain to deal with shaping metal when if he needed armour he could just make reinforced leather gear, bah.

secret bonus muses merlwyb - she views slafyrsyn as a paternal figure after she had to kill her father, but neither he nor she will ever admit that in their lives. on the topic of merl and people in limsa with secret identities, she is also well aware of who carvellain actually is and considers it a diplomatic secret, since he's good for business.

aroro, my tonbebbie - she wants to take the place of levemete at some point because she has a sincere enjoyment of doing paperwork so long as its for helping people. she gives a meaningful stare at the uldah adventurers guild every time she takes a leve. he doesnt know what it means but feels, somehow, threatened.

esugen - he can embroider, and gets a handful of weaving work tossed at him too on top of cooking for the entire dawn throne. he takes less pride in that, though, but at least he's gotten better about not intentionally doing a half-assed job on any of the buduga groups clothing. just some of them that are intentionally annoying. he probably takes care of magnai's clothing too considering all the men are too busy beating the shit out of each other and the unwed women generally avoid magnai so it leaves esugen to deal with him.

[msfbgraves]

Knights and Pawns: nights to remember

Of course Terry had not stayed for dinner.

Every move the Don made was a mind game. Terry then, could as little accept (might as well ask to be poisoned right there) as bluntly refuse, because where there would have been little risk in offending him before, now... The Don had got him to feel that Terry owed him something, just through the glimpse of those soulful brown eyes, the pretty mouth, the sweetness mixed with fire. The mere possibility of that boy was a favor, and not, as all the other little kitties Terry had ever known, a plea for mercy.

Terry Silver knew no mercy.

But he always paid a debt.

God damn it.

The fact that the Don was offering him his son at all was a sign of weakness, and yet Terry felt he'd been granted something, something special, an asset, to be won, not taken, possibly to be denied, and how did LaRusso known that so well? Mind games were Terry's trick.

Had the Don chosen to appear weaker than he was?

No, he wasn't at full strength – Terry wasn't stupid. There had been some inter-Italian squabbles, challenges, and anyone would have to spend some time licking their wounds after putting those out. If he'd ever be ripe for the taking, it was now – and so Terry had dutifully chosen to tell him who his most likely new challenger was, ruining the element of surprise.

Well played, Twig, as Amanda used to say.

He wished he could talk to his Mandy. It should have been a joined show, the Silver Siblings – until the sweetheart presented as omega. Which had dumbfounded even the priest, and he had supposedly seen everything. But of course it had fallen to Terry to make her a match, and Amanda Silver, formerly of the McCains of Cork (his grandfather had long shed that name, but people had long memories in the old country) was married in a Duchesses coronet. (Nobody hates the English enough to refuse that title.)

So yes, he could say he was well-connected, even if it was on the shadow side of life, and Amanda could no longer associate with him openly. The price of the steep rise, and a rise LaRusso seemed willing to forego for his own trump card. He did not value Terry lightly, then; he was certainly enough of a threat not to attack openly.

Good.

Still, dinner...

It was a cursed hassle, so it was, as his Mammy used to say. He needed to put insurance in place lest he happened to choke on a fishbone, which meant that the hitmen he'd engaged knew something was up, which meant he had to be ready to move against LaRusso instantly. Which was fine, alright, but significantly harder if he also had to think of ways to impress a potential father-in-law.

His own entourage was merely symbolic: Snake and Dennis to guard and serve, Mike Barnes to act as inside bodyguard. Of course John Kreese was in charge of his actual protection.

It would have been a good idea to partner with LaRusso even without a little kitty in the game, in any case, or Terry wouldn't have bothered with all this nonsense. There simply wasn't much of an opening before. Terry's people had built their turf on a propensity for violence. Open, fist to fist warfare. Something Terry reveled in even without money involved. It wasn't the Italian way of operating, not anymore; they had a far longer history and bigger networks. Still, a sizable income stream even now rested on protection money, and street by street, Terry had moved into their territory, taking out Italian Alphas and collecting the shopkeepers' tributes instead. He respected how Don LaRusso had taken the sting out of that by essentially building an insurance fund with the income, even if most of it was still spent on building the LaRussos' wealth and other business ventures. Hell, even Terry was sorry for bleeding out the Italian shopkeepers, but he had to start somewhere. He had not been in business long enough to establish an equal partnership with another family, Italian at that. Had Mandy still been at his side, things may have been different, but now, she needed all her time to establish herself in the Duchy. She was trying to get her Alpha to relocate to Scotland more permanently, or so she wrote, but again – those things took patience. In the short run, brute violence was simply Terry's most viable – and fun – course of action.

Until the little fawn, that was.

He wasn't sure he was going to go for it, even so. It put him in a dependent position. He'd have to devote some time to setting up a household, time he couldn't spend drinking, fighting or doing business, and he'd need to accept some LaRusso funds. Were this merely about getting his knot stuck, that would have been a stupid course of action. There were more than a few hopefuls who'd give him the family omega to get a leg up in his own organisation. He'd taken a few heats these past weeks, in fact. Even an Italian kitty, fresh off the boat,with brown eyes and plump lips.

(He'd felt slightly underwhelmed, but had sent her off with a cuddle and a fifty all the same.)

Still, any delay in action would give the Don a chance to move in on him, so he's decided that he's off to have some pasta.

When the night finally comes, he's expected the opulent house, the extended family; he's even prepared for half of Sicily to be there, ready and willing to fillet him for the occassion.

What he hasn't counted on is Barnes going wide-eyed and half-feral the second they set foot inside the house.

...Heat.

Unmistakeable. Fresh, alluring, potent, Christ almightly. Two floors up, at the very most. Terry feels as confused as that first time with Mandy, feels that same willingness to protect – not fuck, Jaysis, it was his sister then, and now... he's had a heat not three days prior, and maybe that keeps him in check, but Barnes is a young fella, hardly been around omegas in his life.

Even some of the extended family's uncomfortable, Terry notices with the small part of his brain that's not focused on the Alpha boy going into a rut before his very eyes. He grabs him by the scruff of his neck and pulls him into the hallway, held down bodily against the wall.

“Thinking of giving that young'un a ride, are you, Mickey boy? Best ride he's ever had, huh? Are ye?”

“Feck off,” Mike says, slipping into the thicker brogue he's worked so hard to get rid off.

“Now, I don't blame ye for bein' an eejit, Mickey Barnes,” Terry coos. “Never had a kitty yet, of course. But if you try anything, you never will, mind. Because I'll shoot you in the back of your wankered head myself, so I will.” He feels like a leprechaun, talking like this, but he needs to engage the boy's brainstem.

He's actually growling. “I need – ”

“You need feck all is what,” Terry growls back. “Now, if you're a good boy and get your wits out of the jacks, you may be able to last long enough to ride a kitty to heaven and back one day, but tonight is not that night, love. Understood?”

“Yeah – ”

“Say, 'Yes, Mr. Silver.' Breathe in now. Come on.”

“Aye...!”

He pushes him back further, twists his arm. “Not good enough.”

A labored breath. “Yes, Mr. Silver.”

“Sure now?” He shakes him. “Because I don't want to pay for your wake, Mickey Barnes.”

He calms. “Yes, Mr. Silver.”

“Good lad.” He lets him go. “I'll buy you a pint tonight, sweetheart.”

They stand there a few breaths until Barnes' pupils get somewhat closer to normal.

Still, he's shaking. “Fuck, that hurts.”

Terry shrugs. “Sure it does.”

He looks back. “How d'you do it?”

Terry sniffs. “Simple. Thinking with your dick will get you killed.” He slaps his back. “You'll get used to it, Mickey boy.”

Except, Terry thinks, pushing down the siren's call of that sweet, forbidden fruit, this time he's not sure he will.

[nickgerlich]

Party Like It’s 1946

“You’ll get old someday…if you live long enough.”



Those were the words my mother repeated often when I was growing up. Well, I have lived long enough, and I guess I can say I’m getting old. But along with that “getting old” has been the opportunity to have witnessed many things, some bizarre.



Like the Tupperware parties that Mom would sometimes host in our house. I’m pretty sure it was the lure of a nice gift that was promised by her friend the Tupperware lady, whose job it was to make sure there were plenty of parties going on to sell their extensive line of plastic containers. And the Tupperware lady earned her income, if you will, just like everyone else involved in multilevel marketing gimmicks.

Dad, my brother, and I wisely left the house. This was no place for the males of the species to be hanging out. And given that it was the 60s, the women were all dressed up as if they were going to church. On a weeknight. As a result of the thousands of Tupperware parties hosted across not just the US, but also around the world, I venture to say there was not a kitchen anywhere that didn’t have at least a few of those rugged containers hiding in cabinets. Their signature “burping” method sent the signal that food would be safe in these air-tight containers.

It was a great idea for the time. Invented in 1938, and finally trotted out to market in 1946, Earl Tupper promised to both solve all of our food storage problems, as well as provide income opportunity for women. Some might say it was exploitation, but women bought it nonetheless. For many decades, the brand was only available through those individuals who were recognized as distributors.

It truly was genius, because group psychology takes over once the party starts. Every woman invited to the party felt the implicit pressure to buy at least one item. Some bought into the model hook, line, and sinker, and became distributors in their own right. The distributor earned a commission on every item sold, and Mom got a free bowl. Oh boy.

A funny thing happened, though, and Mr. Tupper’s invention started losing its relevance over time. Women entered the workforce, and the business model of Tupperware parties faded fast. The company tried selling through Target a couple of decades ago, but that flopped. They had also tried their hand at e-commerce in 1999, but this too fell flat.

Today, the company is teetering on closing, its stock having shed 90% of its value in the last year, and 50% yesterday. The company had forged a new relationship with Target, but, simply put, sales are no longer what they once were. Not even close.

The problems are multiple. The brand is dogged by its dowdy image. For younger women today, this is the stuff your grandmother used. And never mind that the notion of housewives is antiquated. 

Then there’s all the competitors. When Mr. Tupper was busy building his business, there was little competition. Today, though, there are scores of other plastic storage containers available, and often at far lower prices.

But just like the Girl Scouts whom were slow to embrace the modern era and start selling cookies online, Tupperware clung to their old business model long after it was practically dead. Who has the time or desire to host a household party to sell containers? At its worst, the model was mansplaining to women how they too could make money. But women have risen above that, and do not need to be humored.

I suspect that, barring a miracle cash infusion, we will be reading of Tupperware’s demise very soon. It was a nice run, but when your strategic thinking remains mired in methods that are generations removed from reality, one can only expect the worst. And just like my mother would have said, they lived long enough to get old.

It’s just that they failed to learn much of anything along the way.

Dr “This May Be Their Last Burp“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[mahayanapilgrim]

"The question of abortion is an extremely serious one. One of the biggest reasons there are so many doubts and difficulties and so many different kinds of diseases is because of abortions. Stop and think about it: Before the life-form even had a chance to come out into the world it became a resentful ghost. Tell me, with so many small ghosts around who are bent on taking life because their own was taken, how can we ever expect humankind to be at peace? These small ghosts must find someone who practices the Way and is not 'greedy for wealth' before they can be saved."

In this passage the Master brings up how "their enmity is extremely deep." that they are difficult to save, and that the cultivator must "not be greedy for wealth" before there's a "chance" to save them. So please don't be superstitious, everyone, and think that using "money" to create lots of merit and virtue will "take care of everything" and get involved in "saving souls." If you do, then that is a case of failing to understand the essentials of cause and effect. Besides which, the Buddhist Sutras repeatedly say that one should not kill or have abortions.

For instance, in The Buddha Speaks the Dharani Sutra of Long Life and the Protection of Pure Youths there is a passage: "There are Five things in the world that are difficult to erase, even through repentance and reform.

What are the five?

1) Killing one's father. 2) killing one's mother; 3) killing an unborn child; 4) shedding the Buddhas' blood; and 5) breaking up the harmony of the Sangha.

If one creates this evil karma, the offenses are hard to eradicate." In The Buddha Talks About Different Karmic Retributions Sutra there's a passage that says:

"There are ten kinds of karma that will cause beings to receive the retribution of a short lifespan. 1) Personally committing acts of killing; 2) exhorting others to commit acts of killing...?) destroying an unborn child (that means personally having abortions); 8) telling others to destroy an unborn child (that means advising someone else to have an abortion)..These ten deeds bring the retribution of a short lifespan." Also in The Buddha Explains the Five Upasaka Precepts Marks he said: "If one deliberately has an abortion and the fetus dies, one commits 'an offense that cannot be repented of.'"

True, the Master also did ceremonies to cross over souls, but the Master said quite humbly:

"Throughout my entire life I have never been willing to participate in 'professionally reciting

Sutras and doing repentances, 'Flaming Mouth Ceremonies.' and 'Water and Land Ceremonies' because I simply don't have the virtuous conduct required. My Way is insufficient to move people; my virtue is not enough to teach people. I haven't even successfully saved myself yet, how can I go about saving dead souls? I haven't got that much gall!"

But now, not only are there "centers for saving souls" everywhere you go, there's also a fixed "price." Even the laity have taken up this "business." Those who make a living as professional "savers of souls" are really the freeloaders of a mishmash of Buddhism and externalism.

The Master said: "Now in the Dharma Ending Age, the laity casually accept people's offerings [I "laity" is literally "those in white (secular) clothes."]. Left-home people casually charge money (or reciting Sutras for people and performing ceremonies to save souls-while wearing the Buddha's robes and eating the Buddha's food. Laypeople casually agree lo save souls - Well, who's going to save them?

Not to mention laypeople, left-home people who charge money for professionally reciting Sutras and doing repentances, or for crossing over dead souls, also have a big problem.”

[app-oh-sigh-oh-pieces]

The painting of the woman in the field is Christina's World, a portrait of a real disabled woman... sort of. The artist's wife, Betsy James Wyeth, posed for the painting, but it's meant to be a picture of the artist's friend and neighbor, a woman named Anna Christina Olson.

Olson was initially thought to have polio, but we now believe she had CMT, an inherited nerve disease that leads to muscle weakness and numbness, especially in the legs. There's no known cure, and no treatment for the underlying cause of CMT, only its symptoms. Since childhood, Olson's only form of locomotion was crawling, as she was against using a wheelchair.

The painting's always been controversial because it was seen as kitschy by the painter's contemporaries, but also from a disability justice angle, people have argued that since the Olsons never saw anything from it, the artist didn't ask Olson for consent (that we know), and he chose a younger woman to represent Olson, then he must have been taking advantage of her for his own benefit.

The truth of this is tricky, because to hear the artist tell it, Olson refused any of the gifts he offered her. She also reportedly loved the painting, saying the artist had put her where she wanted to be. But how reliable are these accounts? It was difficult to find sources for her quotes, and we only have the artist's word that he offered her compensation. Was she fully aware of her situation and making choices dependent on her values?

Both Olson and the artist are dead now, so we can only consult the historical record and our own interpretations. I personally wonder why the artist didn't give her brother(who was also her caretaker) money for farm upkeep whether his sister wanted it or not and told him to keep silent about it—it would've been underhanded, but still.

So I think that the reinterpretation of Christina's World is especially striking to me given the differences on display.

Christina's World never shows the face of its subject (given the two women involved, I'll call the subject Christina, for simplicity), and coastal Maine is a stark place, but Olson herself saw her happiest times in the depiction. The farm was her world, but her mindset of determination was also her world. Everything Christina sees is open to her. She isn't lying down passively—note the tensed position of her arms and how her left arm is outstretched, and remember how the real Olson got herself around. She's reaching out, moving forward, coming home from exploration. Even the fence of the house is only a few suggestive lines, more of a texture than an actual barrier.

Contrast this to the recreation by echothatislove. The landscape, a typical North American lawn, is similarly stark in the foreground, but echothatislove is facing a shed in her backyard—in other words, away from her house. She's not coming home, she's trying to leave. Beyond the shed, there are solid wood fences, just the right height to see the tops of houses over. All of these are much closer to her than the house and barn were to Christina. But they aren't open to her; no matter how far she wants to go, she can only go to this tiny little box.

And look at the position of her hands: unlike Christina, who was leaning forward mid-motion, she's stuck in place. Is this merely an artifact of the medium (it'd be hard to hold the exact position of the painting long enough to get a crisp photo), or can we infer more from this about the relative situations of the women depicted? Has she stopped moving because she's lost motivation?

I think it's also worth examining how these two images relate to the male and abled gazes. (As a reminder for people who are only used to hearing about the sexualized aspect of the male gaze, privileged gaze is not necessarily sexual, and I do not intend such an interpretation.)

Christina was a depiction of a disabled woman, modeled and named by a presumably abled woman, painted by a (mostly) abled man, for the benefit of that abled man. He once said that he didn't pay much mind to Olson, focusing instead on painting her farmhouse from the room the Olsons let him use as a studio, until he saw her crawling across the field. He then sketched her for the next two months.

Is Christina's World a true representation of what Olson wanted people to think of her? How does the depiction of Christina compare to the artist's intent in depicting Olson? How do our assumptions about disability color the experience of the piece?

Betsy Wyeth was her husband's manager, curator, and muse; she spent most of her life supporting her husband, father-in-law, and son in their artistic endeavors. As her son put it, "She should have also signed his paintings."

She seems to have been reluctant to be in the spotlight, but was this her desire for privacy or the "woman behind a great man" we see all too often in cultural narratives of male artists? What does Betsy Wyeth's naming choice contribute to Christina's World? How would this piece be different if a different woman had modeled Christina?

The recreation is a photo most likely either taken by echothatislove using a timer or, given this was in lockdown, her housemate.

How does the recreation alter the emotional perspective of the piece? Is it easier to empathize with Christina or echothatislove? Can we infer anything about echothatislove's interpretation of Christina's World from the recreation?

People with CMT aren't immunocompromised, but respiratory illnesses like Covid are riskier for them. They also need regular physical therapy to maintain muscle function, which is difficult when you're forced to stay at home. A study of people with CMT in 2020 found lockdown caused loss of function and worse pain.

Does either the recreation or Christina's World convey the perspective of someone with CMT? How does knowledge of Olson's disability, and the modern experience of people with CMT, influence interpretation of both artworks? How does the presence of an abled woman vs. a disabled woman in the role of a disabled subject influence what it has to say about the subject?

And finally, Christina is depicted as a visibly disabled woman, while echothatislove is not visibly disabled. How does this difference influence our perception of their emotional states and circumstances?

[m3-solar]

Off-Grid Solar System Products and Installations

Electricity is essential, but in India, many homes face power cuts or lack access to proper electricity. That’s why off grid solar power systems for homes are becoming a popular solution. These systems don’t depend on traditional power grids. Instead, they generate electricity using sunlight and store extra energy in batteries, giving you independence and reliable power whenever you need it.

If you’ve been thinking about making the switch, this guide will explain everything you need to know about off grid solar battery systems, their benefits, and the installation process—all in simple terms.

What is an Off-Grid Solar System?

An off-grid solar system is a setup that works independently of the electricity grid. It produces power using solar panels and stores unused energy in batteries for later use. This is especially helpful for homes in remote areas or places where electricity supply is unreliable.

Key Parts of an Off-Grid Solar System

To create a complete off grid solar system with batteries, you need these components:

Solar Panels – Capture sunlight and turn it into electricity.

Batteries – Also called an off grid solar battery system, they store extra energy so you can use it at night or during cloudy days.

Charge Controller –Helps manage the flow of energy to avoid overloading the batteries.

Inverter – Changes the energy into a form that powers home appliances.

Mounting System – Ensures solar panels are placed at the best angle for maximum sunlight.

These parts work together to give you reliable and clean energy.

Why Should You Switch to Off-Grid Solar Systems?

There are many benefits of using off grid solar power systems for homes, especially in India.

1. Energy Independence

Say goodbye to power cuts! With an off-grid system, you don’t need to rely on electricity from power companies. This is perfect for rural homes and areas with poor electricity supply.

2. Environment-Friendly

Solar power does not pollute the air. By switching to solar, you help reduce carbon emissions, playing your part in saving the planet.

3. Works Anywhere

These systems are great for remote areas like villages, farms, or hilly regions where there is no access to the electricity grid.

4. Long-Term Savings

Although the off grid solar system cost involves an initial investment, it saves you money on electricity bills in the future. If you use government subsidies for solar solutions in India, the cost becomes even more reasonable.

5. Reliable Backup Power

Off-grid systems give you a dependable energy backup during power outages caused by natural disasters or high demand.

Where Can You Use Off-Grid Solar Systems?

Off-grid solar systems are versatile and can be used in many ways in India, such as:

Homes in villages or rural areas to replace unreliable electricity.

Agricultural farms to power water pumps and lights.

Holiday homes in remote locations.

Urban homes as a backup source during load shedding.

How is an Off-Grid Solar Power System Installed?

The installation process for an off grid solar power system is straightforward. Solar technicians will guide you through the following steps:

1. Assessing Your Needs

Professionals will calculate how much energy your household uses to choose the right system size.

2. Finding the Right Spot

They will survey your home to find the best place for solar panels, ensuring maximum exposure to sunlight—usually rooftops or open spaces.

3. Designing the System

Based on your needs, they’ll craft a system with the appropriate number of solar panels and batteries.

4. Installing the System

Experts will set up all the components like solar panels, inverters, and batteries, connecting them seamlessly.

5. Testing and Running the System

The system will be tested to ensure everything works smoothly, and you’ll get guidance on how to maintain it.

Tips for a Smooth Installation

Choose experienced installers familiar with off grid solar power system installations.

Use brands that offer durable products suited for India’s weather.

Check if your installer is approved by the government to get subsidies.

Why Off-Grid Solar is Perfect for Indian Homes

India is a country with warm sunlight, making it ideal for solar energy. Many states, especially in rural areas, face frequent power cuts or limited connectivity to the grid, so an off grid solar system is a practical and reliable option. By investing in solar, you’re not only reducing power-related issues but also supporting the country’s move towards renewable energy.

What’s Next?

Switching to an off grid solar power system for homes is a step towards independence and a sustainable future. It empowers you to control your energy supply while lowering your impact on the environment.

Take Action Today!

If you’re ready to take charge, contact a trusted M3 solar in your area. They can assess your needs and suggest a complete off grid solar system with batteries tailored to your home. Whether you live in a city or a remote village, solar power is your key to a brighter and greener future.

Make the switch today, and enjoy the benefits of clean, reliable energy for years to come!

[the-ghost-in-my-dreams]

As I'm reviewing YouTube content coming out since the announcement at the beginning of the month, I am just shocked about everything that is coming out, absolutely flabbergasted. I couldn't imagine such a thing would come to pass even as I investigate another such scumbag. And how much it took to get anything done about it. Goes to show how my expectations have fluctuated along with any hope for justice. Also the lawyer of that case said that the feds won't do anything unless they have solid evidence and solid information before they do anything. And well because I am a victim collecting such evidence is difficult and only by luck I am able to get any information or evidence. I'm honestly waiting for the names that will eventually come out, Diddy's house in LA was raided so with any luck it will shed light in that area where JBS lists as his home on his resume and public records. I'm also waiting to see if there were any corrupt law enforcement officials involved which if true, for me it would be a confirmation of what I suspect is also happening in Southern California. This is just wild and crazy all around. I'm also wondering if the 6 degree thing and the blogs started a domino effect. So many things happening it's information overload for real. It's going to be a long road it seems now and if I'm proved right by the masses I can only say that raydawg made the dumbest decision ever and like I predicted in the beginning, he brought himself down and his crime ring. Two years to do something to fix it yet the lust and greed for money kept them from fixing the problem that was inevitable. For those who are not privvy to what's going on at my end of this research, a quick example of how similar it is, I am the Noah, Raymond Raydawg is the Jennifer Lopez, and John BM Sanchez is Diddy. Look it up and find out 😉 I can rant a lot longer but I don't want to overload my brain with all the new revelations. I just had to get some of it out it's overwhelming. Stay tuned.

[frogsandfries]

Did I ever tell you guys?

So, when I was really little, like in kindergarten, my womb donor's father died. Obviously, I didn't realize I didn't need to go to a funeral at that age, so I begged her; I was a really curious kid and I wanted to see what a funeral was like.

Uhh, turns out I don't really remember what a funeral was like; I've never been to another since.

Don't take your five or six year olds to funerals, guys.

As a result of attending a funeral at about five or six, periodically, throughout my life, I have been overwhelmed with existential dread and fear. The last time I was this overwhelmed with the fear of dying, I was....in middle school, if memory serves. To clarify, I'm not counting my suicidal period as being afraid of death/dying. Obvi.

Turns out, I'm going through one of those periods right now. So I thought I'd take you guys along with me, as I try to work through this and at least get a little closer to shedding it:

So. Here's the thing. I was super seasonally depressed this summer. It was rainy and stormy when my body was expecting to recharge its seasonal batteries. It probably didn't help that I was off medication, both for my depression and my blood pressure, and high blood pressure causes body-wide inflammation, which can cause the body to go into a bit of a safe mode.

So that's great.

Then, for the first time in aggggeesss, I'm stuck in a very, very small town. Actually, this one is even smaller than the last small town I was stuck in. I literally cannot get out of my own volition. There is no grocery store. There is a library, a bunch of bars, a fishing shop, ONE (1) restaurant and it serves the most half-assed food I've ever eaten from a small town restaurant, and there is a gas station. That. Is. It.

Obviously. No public transit.

I have no freedom. I have the least freedom that I've had since I was in high school. I had more freedom in college, when I had no fucking money.

Okay, so next: I am most likely never going to have a child. Unless I marry someone with either amazing health insurance that would cover fertility treatment (🙄 so not here in the US); or marry someone who makes good-ass money or idk....a fucking miracle that involves me also having sex with someone who isn't complete garbage.

This is a big one for me.

I have harm OCD. As a teen, it was incredibly horrible and had me thinking I should and could never be around children. I thought I was a fucking monster because all I could think when I was around children was all the different ways I could hurt them. I could hurt them horribly and the adults would never know.

But of course, I'm not actually a monster; my brain was just extremely fucked up when I was living with my gene donors.

My brain is still pretty fucked up, but I've been lucky to live in the age of the internet, and a beautiful era of mental wellness. Realizing the thoughts were not real per se really freed me. All of a sudden, I felt like I had a choice about whether or not I had children.

Of course, on the romantic front, uhhh, I'm hopeless. I've dated two people, fucked one, and all three have been garbage human beings who like living in their filth, literal and metaphorical.

Let's not forget, I cannot reiterate this enough. I. Hate. Living. In. Wisconsin.

Much like I tried to downplay the atrocities my womb donor committed against my siblings and me when we were under eighteen, only to live with her again; her behavior didn't change and I was forced to disown her.

I tried to downplay how bad for me living in Wisconsin was. Like I've been saying for months, this summer, the weather was shit and I had fucking SAD in the fucking middle of fucking summer. The humidity is un-fucking-bearable. And I've been having the worst allergies all summer and they're really ramping up to a point where they're affecting my asthma. Which has not happened since I left. Honestly, living in NM, I was starting to wonder why I still had the doctor prescribing me an inhaler--I only used them a few times before they expired. Now that I'm back, I think I'm going to have to ask the doctor to prescribe me montelukast again.

It got so cold all of a sudden when it became October, and the whole house is basically made of paper and popsicle sticks, so there's almost no point in trying to keep it any kind of reasonable temperature. Really, the only solution feels like space heaters and heated blankets. You guys, I haven't been like, uncomfortably cold inside my domicile.....uhhh, ever.

Oh, and let's not forget. I got fucking heat sick for probably the first time in my fucking life. So now I'm kind of cursed, because when you get heat sick once, it makes you more susceptible. I hope that resets at some point sooner than later.

So yeah, maybe it makes sense that I'm feeling some existentiality. I'm the most sick I've been in years, possibly more sick than I've ever been. And I'm extremely socially isolated. At least living in the city, living in an apartment, hearing other people come and go, hearing a city live and breathe around me--from the air traffic to the drag racing out on the freeways--for me, that's peace. Knowing that, even though the public transit system sucks, it gives me the freedom to go most places in the city that I might need or want to go, that's peace.

On top of the social isolation, I was really proud of myself--I paid my entire lease entirely by myself for three years, as well as still paying for other stuff, like my phone and internet and being able to feed myself without food stamps, and have cats, something I've wanted to do since I was living on my own in college. Sure, I hated the fuck out of my job, but I was utterly independent for the first time in my life.

Only to move back to Wisconsin and be basically unable to get or find a new job. I can't rely on my sister for transportation; her hours are crazy all over the place. Until I'm assessed for ADHD, I really do not think I should be driving. I just don't think I can drive. And if I can't drive, and this is where I'm living, I kind of have two options: I can either resume working from home or--more realistically, given that I've been struggling for years with the job thing--I think I should go on disability. So I'm working on that.

Anyway, if you've read this far, thank you? But I'm not done yet.

I kind of don't know what I'm getting so worked up about. My womb donor's mother lived to eighty-five. My womb donor had a fucking stroke because she thinks she knows better than her doctors, but both of my parents are currently about sixty now and still trucking. I don't really think I have anything to worry about. My three grandparents who died earlier all smoked. I have at least another thirty years, but even given my health, probably at least another forty or fifty, or so.

That's plenty of time to make some cool shit.

But more than that, I guess I'm just terrified as shit about what's going to happen. I'm past the age of thirty. I'm slowly, slowly marching toward death. After all, there is no real escape from death, just a delay. It is going to happen. And then what. No fucking idea. My heart is going to stop beating, my lungs stop expanding, my brain stops firing. Done. Over. No more.

Did my grandmother love her husband? Did she die surrounded by love? Why did she have four kids and I can't even have one? Who's going to be at my bedside to notice when my heart stops? Did my grandmother find anyone to spend her last days with? Friends, at least? Will I find anyone to spend my last days with? What am I supposed to do with all my shit? What about the shit that I start and simply don't have the time to finish? What about books I never case in? What about beading projects I never finish? I mean, sure, it's easy enough to case in a book, especially if I leave instructions, "cover with this fabric, add these end pages"; or to follow a beading pattern. But will anybody actually want to finish these things for me? Will anyone care about my shit as much as I do? I don't have a lot of shit to go through, but will anyone be there who will want to? Will there be anyone who wants any of my shit? Will there be anyone who will miss me or notice my absence? Will I care at the age at which I die?

Why am I cursed like this?

Why does it matter so much? I never would have imagined my sister getting a house, never even mind inviting me to live in it. I never in a million years would have imagined myself living in New Mexico--never even mind falling absolutely in love. I never would have imagined there would be a place in the world I could go, and leave, and be the most homesick I've ever been in my life.

I just remembered I put beans on to soak yesterday evening.

[newstfionline]

Wednesday, October 16, 2024

Canada alleges much wider campaign by Modi government against Sikhs (Washington Post) The murder of a Sikh separatist in Canada last year was part of a broader campaign of violence against Indian dissidents directed by a senior official in the Indian government and an operative in the country’s spy agency, according to Canadian officials who cited intercepted Indian communications and other newly acquired information. Canadian authorities have also identified at least six Indian diplomats serving in Canada who were directly involved in gathering detailed intelligence on Sikh separatists who were then killed, attacked or threatened by India’s criminal proxies, Canadian officials said. Canada ordered all six of those diplomats to leave the country, and India kicked out Canadian diplomats in return. The previously undisclosed details about India’s alleged involvement in the 2023 death of Hardeep Singh Nijjar and other attacks stem from an ongoing investigation that Canadian authorities said has uncovered extensive evidence linking a larger outbreak of violence in Canada than previously understood to the administration of Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Young men’s economic prospects are shifting, along with their politics (NBC News) According to polls and analysis by social scientists, young men in the U.S. are shifting politically rightward despite being a solidly Democratic group 20 years ago. Why? Young men without college degrees are making less money and finding fewer full-time jobs compared to previous generations, while societal expectations of them haven’t caught up with their new economic reality. “The economic and employment picture for younger men without college degrees is significantly worse than previous generations,” said one researcher. “These sort of traditional norms around masculinity and what it means to be a man and a husband are wrapped up in economic success, and that makes it really, really challenging when their economic outlook is not as bright.” One of the most telling statistics about this new economic outlook is the percentages of young men and women who describe themselves as financially independent: 74% of young women compared to 62% of young men said they were paying their own bills, according to a Pew survey. Trump has leveraged this wider sense of dissatisfaction by blaming the Biden White House for high inflation over the past few years. Now, just 33% of young men identify as Democrats, compared to 42% in 2020—quite a drop in a short period.

Nearly 100 People Are Still Missing in North Carolina After Hurricane Helene (NYT) About 100 people remain missing in North Carolina more than two weeks after Hurricane Helene ravaged the western stretch of the state, Gov. Roy Cooper said on Tuesday. Search and rescue teams are still looking for the missing, and officials said that they had so far verified 95 storm-related deaths in North Carolina. The process of reporting and finding missing people was further complicated in the first days of recovery because of widespread communications outages. Asheville and other communities in the western part of the state are still reeling from the devastation wrought by Helene, with thousands lacking access to power, running water and reliable roads.

Cats and dogs left behind by migrating Cubans shed a light on the island’s deepening crisis (AP) Balto, Pepa and Mami were among the lucky ones. After being abandoned by their owners who left Cuba—or simply couldn’t care for them anymore—the dogs were rescued by animal rights activists on the island, who fed them, sterilized them and found them a new home. While there are no official figures or estimates of how many pets have been left behind by their owners who leave the island, the number of abandoned cats and dogs has spiked in the last two years as Cubans migrate in record numbers, animal activists say. “We’d receive a phone call from someone asking us to care for their pets, because they’re suddenly migrating and don’t know what to do with them,” said Elizabeth Meade, founder of Adoptions for Love, an animal shelter in Havana. Although the shelter found a home for some 300 rescued pets in the past year, many of those were returned—or simply went missing—after their new owners also decided to migrate. For these animals, said Meade, “it’s not always a happy ending.” Between October 2021 and September 2024, U.S. authorities reported more than 600,000 encounters with Cubans—a significant number for an island of roughly 10 million people. That is in addition to the thousands who choose to migrate to Spain or other Latin American countries.

China Holds War Games Encircling Taiwan in Warning to Island’s Leader (NYT) China held large-scale military drills in the waters and skies surrounding Taiwan on Monday, a show of force that signaled the growing threat of Beijing’s ability to choke the self-governing island that China claims as its own. China said its army, navy, air force, rocket force and other troops took part in the drills to test their ability to fight alongside one another. China’s oldest aircraft carrier, the Liaoning, also participated in the drills, state media reported, the first time the ship has joined military exercises targeting Taiwan. Beijing said the drills were a warning to Taiwan’s government after the island’s president, Lai Ching-te, made a speech on National Day last week that China regarded as a message promoting independence. Chinese naval and air exercises near Taiwan have become routine as China’s top leader, Xi Jinping, has sought to pressure the island by reminding it of China’s military superiority. But Monday’s drills were unusual for their scale, the latest of only several conducted in recent years aimed at honing China’s ability to impose a blockade to cut the island off from the outside world.

The UN says over 400,000 children in Lebanon have been displaced in 3 weeks by war (AP) More than 400,000 children in Lebanon have been displaced in the past three weeks, a top official with the U.N. children’s agency said Monday, warning of a “lost generation” in the small country grappling with multiple crises and now in the middle of war. Israel has escalated its campaign against the Lebanon-based Hezbollah militant group, including launching a ground invasion, after a year of exchanges of fire during its war with Hamas in Gaza. The fighting in Lebanon has driven 1.2 million people from their homes, most of them fleeing to Beirut and elsewhere in the north over the past three weeks since the escalation. Ted Chaiban, UNICEF’s deputy executive director for humanitarian actions, has visited schools that have been turned into shelters to host displaced families. He said, “As we sit here today, 1.2 million children are deprived of education. Their public schools have either been rendered inaccessible, have been damaged by the war or are being used as shelters. The last thing this country needs, in addition to everything else it has gone through, is the risk of a lost generation.”

Hezbollah’s drones are a fierce and evasive threat to Israel (AP) One of the worst mass casualty strikes on Israel in a year of war came not from dozens of Iranian ballistic missiles nor the repeated barrages of rocket fire launched by Hamas and Hezbollah. Instead, it was a single drone. The unmanned aerial vehicle, laden with explosives, evaded Israel’s multilayered air-defense system and slammed into a mess hall at a military training camp deep inside Israel, killing four soldiers and wounding dozens. It’s the latest achievement for Hezbollah’s drone fleet and has shined a light on Israel’s struggle over the past year of war to knock down unmanned aircraft incoming from as far away as Yemen, Iraq and Iran. Over the years, Israel has built up its aerial defense array to provide broad protection against short-range rocket fire and medium- and long-range missiles. While the system has taken down drones repeatedly, many have penetrated Israel’s airspace and sidestepped its defenses, in some cases with deadly results.

How Israel’s Army Uses Palestinians as Human Shields in Gaza (NYT) After Israeli soldiers found Mohammed Shubeir hiding with his family in early March, they detained him for roughly 10 days before releasing him without charge, he said. During that time, Mr. Shubeir said, the soldiers used him as a human shield. Mr. Shubeir, then 17, said he was forced to walk handcuffed through the empty ruins of his hometown, Khan Younis, in southern Gaza, searching for explosives set by Hamas. To avoid being blown up themselves, the soldiers made him go ahead, Mr. Shubeir said. In one wrecked building, he stopped in his tracks: Running along the wall, he said, was a series of wires attached to explosives. “The soldiers sent me like a dog to a booby-trapped apartment,” said Mr. Shubeir, a high school student. “I thought these would be the last moments of my life.” An investigation by The New York Times found that Israeli soldiers and intelligence agents, throughout the war in Gaza, have regularly forced captured Palestinians like Mr. Shubeir to conduct life-threatening reconnaissance missions to avoid putting Israeli soldiers at risk on the battlefield.

Sudan’s civil war fueled by secret arms shipments from UAE and Iran (Washington Post) Sudan’s devastating civil war is being fueled in part by weapons secretly supplied to both sides by foreign countries, including munitions and drones from the United Arab Emirates and Iran, according to confidential assessments, a State Department funded report and evidence collected from captured weapons in Sudan. Sudanese military officials in the city of Omdurman recently allowed Washington Post journalists to inspect a drone that the officials said had been captured from the rival paramilitary Rapid Support Forces along with munitions for the drone. The officials provided photos of the crates they had captured, including one with labeling that indicated the munitions had been manufactured in Serbia and sent to the UAE Armed Forces Joint Logistics Command. This apparent evidence of UAE involvement aligns with the findings of the Sudan Conflict Observatory, a group funded by the U.S. State Department that tracked Emirati flights. The group said it tracked 32 flights between June 2023 and May 2024 and concluded with “near certainty” that they were weapons transfers from the UAE to the RSF. Since the end of last year, Sudan’s military has also been using foreign-supplied armed drones, in particular those secretly provided by Iran, according to the Observatory’s report. The group tracked seven flights between Iran and Sudan from December until July.

The world’s largest man-made lake is being parched by drought, depriving Zambia of its electricity (AP) Tindor Sikunyongana is trying to run a welding business which these days means buying a diesel generator with costly fuel he can’t always afford. Like everyone in Zambia, Sikunyongana is facing a daily struggle to find and afford electricity during a climate-induced energy crisis that’s robbed the southern African country of almost all its power. “Only God knows when this crisis will end,” said Sikunyongana. His generator ran out of diesel and spluttered to a halt as he spoke. “You see what I mean?” he said. Zambia’s worst electricity blackouts in memory have been caused by a severe drought in the region that has left the critical Kariba dam, the source of Sikunyongana’s woes, with insufficient water to run its hydroelectric turbines. Kariba is the largest man-made lake in the world by volume and lies 200 kilometers (125 miles) south of Lusaka on the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe. Months of drought brought by the naturally occurring El Nino weather pattern and exacerbated by warming temperatures have put Zambia’s hydroelectric station on the brink of completely shutting down for the first time.