#she's next on the stinky list

[geekate]

It's kinda funny how in the first act you just poke around to find quests and in the third act the quests poke you from every crevice

[mugiwara-lucy]

Hello, everyone! While I am VERY proud of the Democrat voter turnout for Early and Mail In Ballots; here's ANOTHER thing to keep in mind.

Two of the Supreme Court's chairs will be up for grabs and the next president will be able to put in two new justices that are younger. Currently there's a 6-3 demographic in the Whitehouse with 6 being Republican and 3 being Democrat. SHould Kamala win, she can put two more Democrat court younger justices in and we'll be 5-3 (the five being Democrats!) and we'll have a less corrupt SCOTUS.

Should Trump win......he'll stack the Supreme Court with younger justices and the Supreme Court will be locked HARD RIGHT for AT LEAST 30 years.......do we REALLY want that??

And keep in mind, one of the justices (Clarence Thomas) was talking about giving a look at gay marriage if he comes back into office.

And I bet one of the Supreme Court justices that Trump will put will be Aileen Cannon, the person who threw out Trump's stolen documents case. We ALL KNOW he stole those documents for nefarious reasons......do we REALLY want someone like that in office??

Here is the link below to register to vote along with the deadlines varying by state! Also, your own vote isn’t enough! Get as many people as you can to vote for Kamala be it your friends, cousins, parents, grandparents, old friends from high school and college, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, stepchildren (if they’re 18 and over) and the list goes on and on but every vote counts! ALSO PLEASE check your registration DAILY because MAGA WILL purge your voter registration!!!

And early voting has started! And if you don’t wanna vote on November 5th, Early Voting is another option! Like I said get as many people as you know and try early voting that way you can avoid MAGA fuckery on November 5th! Down below is a list of dates by state:

And Mail in Ballots are ANOTHER option I highly recommend!! And like I said get as many people as you can to take advantage of this option! BUT if you decide to go with Mail In/Absentee Ballots; PLEASE mail your ballots at the ACTUAL USPS office!! That way MAGAts won't fuck with it.

And if you’re an American who lives overseas; PLEASE use the option of voting overseas since I know every country other than North Korea, Russia and China do NOT want to see Trump’s stinky ass back in the Oval Office! Here’s a link below:

Like I said last night....because of Trump's first term, we had Roe v Wade, Affirmative Action and Chevron overturned. I bet all the money in my savings and checking accounts that Interracial Relationships, Women’s right to vote and Gay Rights will be done away with should he be back in office. BET MONEY.

We're doing well....let's NOT get complacent like 2016.

THANK YOU.

[martuzzio]

HERMITCRAFT CATCHPHRASES

Hi, here's a (hopefully comprehensive) reference list of hermit catchphrases! The main goal here is to help writers and artists who (like me) might struggle with getting the characterization of some hermits right. Check out more info at the end of the post!

Note: this list updates a lot whenever I get new suggestions, which means reblogs aren't always fully accurate. I've linked this post to the top of my blog so it's easy to access the most recent version :)

Bdubs Shreep / uh-oh, gotta shreep! Crastle I love ya to death It’s gorgee Beyootiful Uh oh! Hell’s blazes! Hawsies YOU'LL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO! Shuddup! Judas priest! Bdubs' PERFECT REDSTONE!! What in the world! Holy cow! Nuh-uh! Hoimycraaaaaf Whimsy Trying my heart out

Beef EEskall That was my nickname in college! Nailed it! Dangit! Beefy Tunes Smelly Etho Opulent Etho? Oh, yeah, I own him Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Beef taught Etho about redstone Oh my goodness! Oh boy! What the heck Oh, baby! Quote unquote A ton of __

Cleo Class dismissed! I don’t need your stinky torches I will break your legs Trash is fish The answer to everything is leather pants Not because it’s the sand castle you deserve, but it’s the sand castle I need! What did you do, Joe…. It's FINE, everything's FINE Lovely Silly I mean... Not gonna lie... To be fair...

Cub DA CREAMADA CROP Alright guys Nice, nice Ladies and gentlemen / ladies and gentlemen, we got ‘em Eeeeasy money Beautiful, absolutely beautiful Mmmmmhmmmmmm Holy smokes Let's goooo! Sweet Oh, baby! Man, oh man Without further ado Peace out Cheers / cheers, man There's some heat coming off that thing

Doc Are you kidding me now? Alright guys Can’t touch this The G.O.A.T. Etho, get to the damn land man! It all started when Grian touched my redstone… Epic

Etho Uh-huh Like-a so Oh snap Get your snacks! Holy smokes! Take care, have a good day, bye bye Aww snappers! Aww yeah Von Sway I barely know ‘er! Speaking of llamas Bright blue bamboo E. to the T. to the your mum Beefaroni / Beefers Speaking of llamas… That’s what she said! Free glass Eyy, I go up and I go down. Ladders! / Eyy, ladders! Suckerrrr! Check it out

False Blimey Awh dude Frick False Supremacy Oh my goodness I don't know about you guys, but... Props to __ I'm not gonna lie...

Gem Gem is great Her [name] is [adjective]! Gem will __ ("Gem will watch Impulse") Perfect! Epic It's true, I swear! Not gonna lie... Oh gosh! Trust the process Nailed it!

Grian Hello! My name is Grian Good… byeeeee! Pesky bird My heart! My little heart! Mumbo Mumbo you are AFK Can we just agree that Mumbo loses? What in Queen Elizabeth’s shiny crown was that? It wasn't me, it was the man in the chicken costume! SaAaaaAaAnd Chobblesome SCAR NO— / NO SCAR— In theory… Electric boogalooo What does this button do? What on earth? This is in shambles Get outta here! Hear me out... We don't have __. What we DO have is __ Just straight up Without further ado Crack on Bingo bango Yes. 100%

Hypno Right, right Mmhmm You guys Dang guy

Impulse What’s goin on everyone? Shovel Shuffle BEHIND YOU GEM! Peeps Geez Let's goooo! Are you kidding me? Oh, man Now we're talkin'! Holy smokes Oh my gosh How cool is that? Jeez! Dang it! Buddy Presi (for present) You bet!

Iskall Hallo -skall ("richskall") That’s mega / that’s looking absolutely mega Omega “Excuse me? Sir?” __ of doom Okay, lol And I will see you dudes in the next episode I’ve had a realization Oh for goodness sake! It’s not fat, it’s big-boned Not gonna lie SaAaaaAaAnd Very fine Great success! Bird poop Bumbo Cactoni Do you even bust? / Do you even bust bro E Pag

Jevin Hypno smells! Oh my god Sucker What the heck Dude Man I swear

Joe Howdy y’all! That’s the Joe Hills difference! I will now say a poem of my own devising Core concept Keep adventurin’! Time skip! Who’s the guy who conquers death? That’s Joe Hills No not rage quitting I have to pick up my daughter from school or my wife will rage quit me! Grow Hills / Expand Joe Joepacity / Jhost

Keralis Look into my eyes and nothing but my eyes Wanna buy a book? Spank you very much Just sit back, relax, and enjoy Like this, like that I can see my house from here! Bubbles, Shashwammy, Sweetface, Princess Lookie lookie at my cookie / lookie lookie at my cookie… no, please don’t Like-a so I love your face I’m a real boy! I don’t k-nove (know) Not like this! Booshes Clever girl But first… lemme take a selfie I’m sinking… mayday mayday we’re sinking! Hallo yes dis is de German coast guard what are you sinking about? Scary harry larry I’m alayve! Breathtaking — no you’re breathtaking Mm-kay Oh behave I’m a simple man MeOOOow Welcome to my humble abod-ee Not too shabby My face! My palms are sweaty, mom’s spaghetti Tag 2 Booga Booga Stiffy nipples Batman! First I was afraid, I was petrified...

Mumbo I worry about myself sometimes I'm not really quite sure if I like that or not Yeah… yeah that's looking good… I guess… Dude! Chuffed to bits It’s a bit pants I’m such a spoon Oh my word It’s quite simple, really / it’s actually quite simple Bonkers I’ll catch you in the next one. See ya Off you pop Oh goodness me! Hermit challenges — initiation! All done and dusted To be frankly honest Seriously seriously cool Absolutely nuts I don’t even know what to say Iskall I feel sick Peace, love, and plants Moon’s big Mumbo for Mayor Quite simple

Pearl Lovely Bonkers At this point... Cheeky / you cheeky What's this? Mate

Ren Now we’re cooking with gas / we be cooking with gas today Ladies, get in line! / ladies, gentlemen, everybody get in line! You picking up what I’m putting down My dudes Y’know what I’m sayin’ Coming atcha frommmmmm Dude Coming from left, right, and center Greetings cyberdogs and citizens of the Interwebs, this is Ren-diggity-dog comin at ya in another episode from the Hermitcraft server (ey!) Automagically Jazztastic Janktastic Oh baby Like nobody’s business Looking absolutely magnificent Anyhoozle Twaddle Renstone The Octagon is a well-oiled machine! [word]-age [word]-ation [word]-i (to make things plural You love / hate to see it I'm just sayin' / if you know what I'm sayin' Professional __ Jazz Anyhoozle Exqueeze me? Freakin' Some serious __ What's happenin', baby? Chesticles

Scar Scarred for life Woah, what in the world! It’s gonna be am-ay-zing LOOK at the siiiiize of that Well, hello there my fellow miners and crafters, GoodTimesWithScar here. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Hermits and crafting Don’t forget to subscribe or you might just become scarrrred for life! Looking super fancy Let’s hit super fast build mode! Look at the size of that Appreciate ya Hotguy! Operation: Aquathunder! That’s what she said! Rapscallion You silly goose Oh, sweet baby Jellie! Bayum! / Bam! The bee's knees Easy peasy, orangey squeezy

Stress Are you havin’ a giggle? / are you takin the mic? Mate Oh my god / oh my gosh / oh my good gordons Gorgeous Plonker Geezer Ohhhhh nooooo! Yeeeesshhh I legged it Such a pro / I'm such a pro Proper __ Cheeky Bloke Thingamajig Ain't [word]-age [word]-ies

Tango Happy fun sauce -ificator, -inator, -ness, -tastic Skadoodle Fearsome bunny slippers Noob juice So here’s the deal Holding shift Shwoop Flim flam Poop came out Extra dumb with dumb sauce / __ of extra dumb Flee with extra flee! / fleeing with terror! Boom booms Gah! The dungeon is ready for its next victim Behold! Results may vary! I think my math is correct, but it’s been known to be wrong This is the worst timeline. I hate everything Big no! You— you freak of nature! Jerkface Jerkbutt Excellent How embarassing This is true Zombert Bits This I gotta see! Right in the face! [word] is happening Yeah baby! Stupid jerks Boop This is the best / worst thing ever! Niner niner niner [general unintelligible noises]

TFC What in tarnation! Crap-tacular Humongous Butt-ugly Ugly as sin Oh, goody Ender-twits Bugger Oh, fart For crying out loud

Wels Words are hard If you will Super __

xB Aww yeah Mmkay Son of a biscuit Pretty frickin' __ Man Get frickin' wrecked! Chestacle Dang it Staaph it Oy vey Crap on a cracker Dang it, Bobby! Dang guy

Xisuma Oh goodness me Oh dangit Geez Peeps I’m such a derp Oh my days Chooturial Issooma Allo Woa’ah Brought (instead of bought) My dude Achacha

Zed Hello hello hello A-good a-bye Muckin' about I lied TaaaAAnnGoOOooooOOOo Hu-jah! Pretty darn __ Certainly Rubbish I'm [word]-ing [word] me [word]-iness What happens is... Get kersplatted! Epic Oh my goodness!

More Info

So I'm currently writing a HC fic and realized how little I know about some of the hermits (I unfortunately don't have time to watch all of them), which made it really difficult to depict them properly in my writing. I'm assuming at least some of you might also struggle with this, so, here we are!

If you know of a catchphrase from any hermit from any season, comment, reblog, send me a an ask or dm, dm me on discord, whatever works the best :D

Note: when I say "catchphrase," I mean anything a hermit repeats over an extended period of time. It can be something said during a single season (like "You'll speak when spoken to!" or "Hermit Challenges!"), or something that spans their entire careers (like "Aww snappers!" or "Plonker"). I'm not looking for one-off quotes that are never bought up again — there's some great sources (like @hermitcraft-correct-quotes) for that already :)

Sources (which will hopefully expand with time): This reddit post from four years ago This other reddit post also from four years ago Reddit from three years ago This cute diagram A more up to date source Another Xisuma's dictionary on his website HC character tv tropes page This incredible google doc

[jnnul]

[9:12 a.m.]

gif creds: @jaeyxns

PAIRING ▸ husband!jay park x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ fluff, domestic love, husband!au, parents!au, a snippet of what i think jay's life would look like in like 15 years

WARNINGS ▸ mentions of (past/others') pregnancy, uhh i think that's it

WORD COUNT ▸ 1k words

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ nothing super big but i was writing something else and then suddenly i was writing husband!jay. not sure either <3

"good morning, my love," your husband says from behind you, pressing a sweet kiss to your temple as he goes about fixing himself a mug of coffee.

"good morning, jay," you say with a smile, flipping the omelette in the pan to ensure both sides were well done before then flipping it into the plate next to the stove.

"when did you get home last night? ria, danny, and i missed you," jay says, taking a seat at the barstool at the counter so that he could be in the same space as you.

you turn to him, only to see him already staring at you as though you had hung the sun itself in the sky. you smile, sliding the plate over so that he could start eating before your rowdy children could come and fight their father for breakfast.

"i think around midnight. i'm sorry i had to miss barbie night," you say with a pout, focused on cracking the next egg in the pan carefully.

"oh don't worry about it. is your friend alright?" jay asks, getting out of his seat to grab the bottle of ketchup from the fridge. you nod absentmindedly, mentally trying to track the number of eggs you needed to feed your hungry little monsters (who were still sound asleep) and yourself and jay.

"yeah. in fact, it turns out that she's pregnant!" you exclaim, and jay can't help but smile at the excitement in your voice. "it would explain the sudden flu-like symptoms."

jay offers you a bite of his omelette as you rush around the kitchen. you accept it happily, giving him a thumbs up as you hurry to flip the next omelette.

"i had a feeling from a couple of weeks ago, honestly. i just didn't want to say anything in case it wasn't something that her and her boyfriend wanted," you explain and jay nods in agreement.

"especially since he's in the army. it's a tough decision. i mean we were married for two years before we even thought of danny," jay says and you smile, nostalgia filling the air.

"do you ever miss that? the honeymoon phases and all of the romantic stuff that we used to do before the kids?" you ask, strangely nervous about jay's answer.

jay ponders for a moment before shaking his head no, finishing off the last of his omelette cleanly.

"no. i mean our life might be a lot less 'romantic' and a lot more chaotic because of ria and danny but there's no place i'd rather be than with my kids and my beautiful, smart, and amazing wife," jay says, getting up to accept the next omelette. he sets down his now refilled plate, wrapping his arms around your waist and rocking the two of you side to side.

"i know. honestly, our teenage years were nice. what, with the sneaking out of the house and the awkward prom pictures and everything but this is perfect. barbie nights and spending time with my perfect husband and my little angels?" you sigh, contended, as jay hums and rests his chin on your shoulder.

"keep saying things like that and we're going to have to add to the list of angels running around the house," jay says, his voice deep and full of promise. you clear your throat, a sudden heat rushing up your spine, about to somehow refute his statement when you hear the telltale signs of little feet padding down the stairs and you just barely manage to push jay off of you in time for danny and ria to come down the stairs.

"mama! dad! i'm hungry! i already brushed my teeth! ria didn't so she's stinky stinky but my teeth are sparkly," danny says, rushing up to jay to show off his pearly white teeth.

ria whines in protest, clamoring with all of her five year old might to show her father her clean teeth as well. "daddy, dandan's lying! i brushed my teeth! even all the way in the back!"

"baby, i believe you but remember what i told you? that dandan's gotta watch you brush your teeth just to make sure you're doing it right?" jay says gently, lifting his daughter up to press a kiss to her cheek, laughing when his nine year old son pouts and rushes to your side instead.

"mama, why doesn't dad say 'good job' even though i brushed my teeth?" danny says, fisting your skirt with a heartbroken tone that tugs at your heartstrings and you turn around to fix jay with a glare.

"dandan, good job buddy! i'm so proud of you! in fact, i'm so proud of you that i want you to have the first omelette," jay says, conceding his omelette to danny and ruffling his hair.

your son is easily appeased by the affections of his father and takes his seat at the counter to eat happily and jay gives you a coy wink before pressing another kiss to your forehead.

"let me take my princess to brush her teeth - again," jay adds on at the end when he sees the protest bubbling up in ria's eyes. "you make sure my buddy gets to eat as many omelettes as he wants, okay?"

"daddy! be nice to mommy! you have to say please!" ria scolds jay, pointing her little finger in her father's face.

"yeah! dad, remember a gentleman always says please and thank you to his lady," danny says with a mouthful of omelette and you abandon your post to scoop up your son in a loving embrace.

"oh my god, he's growing up! you used to teach him how to read and now he's telling you how to be a gentleman; soon enough, he'll be telling that to his own kids," you cry out and jay rolls his eyes playfully.

"oh ew! mama, no thanks," danny says, crinkling his nose and making such a funny expression that you and jay can't help but laughing, causing danny and ria to laugh as well.

and your heart is so full. so full because this isn't just today's antics but the beautiful reality you get to experience for the rest of your life.

everything is perfect.

[skellymom]

“Who Delt It?” 

The THIRD Bad Batch Comedy One Shot in the ONE SHIT SERIES!

To read #2 in the series:

https://www.tumblr.com/skellymom/740278235151106049/bombs-away?source=share

Background: Five people on a small ship with one bathroom. Need I say more?

Word count: 392 words

Warning: Farts, stinky humor, pretty tame stuff for Tumblr

“Well, I’m ready for a nap!” Echo leaned back in the co-pilot's seat and closed his eyes. 

“Likewise. Unfortunately, the Marauder won’t fly herself.” Tech sipped his caf enthusiastically, firing up the ship to take off. 

The Batch had just finished a mission on an Outer Rim planet and made friends with the locals there. The locals insisted they share a huge cauldron of stew the community ate together... 

...unfortunately, it ran through EVERYONE in the squad by varying degrees and resulted in some...flatulence. 

“OOF! WHAT THE KRIFF??? WRECKER!!!” Echo screwed up his face in utter disgust. 

“HEEYY, it wasn’t ME!”  

“You ALWAYS state that Wrecker. Whomever smelt it is NOT definitive proof of whomever delt it.” Tech pinched his nose while speaking, his voice sounding comical with a partially obstructed airway. 

Echo frantically waved the offending vapors away, “BLEH!” More dramatic facial expressions. 

Wrecker sat angrily, arms crossed, sulking he had been wrongly blamed. 

At that moment Hunter emerged from the fresher, clearly not “privy” to the current conversation, “You know lads, I...” He stopped DEAD, sniffed, coughed, choked, eyes starting to water. “WHAT THE SUN BAKED BANTHA TURD IS THAT???” 

“Wrecker farted!” Echo fanned his face and grimaced. 

“No... cough...can’t be...cough. Doesn’t have the same smell. Undertones are ALL wrong.” Hunter now had his “Tracker Face” on trying to discern the source of the stench. 

“What! You can IDENTIFY people’s farts by their SMELL???” Echo was incredulous. 

Tech interjected “Of course. Hunter IS known for his enhanced sense of smell. That is how Crosshair became LEGENDARY for his flatulence. He earned the ‘Silent But Deadly” moniker. No matter what mission we were on, or who we served with: The 212th, 501st, Coruscant Guard, or any other. Hunter never failed to pick out Crosshair with a shipload of Republic ration eating clones.” 

Hunter chuckled, “Got to be a game for Crosshair after awhile. Silently drop one and watch all the Regs get mad at each other for stinking the place up. He was proud of it really...but Crosshair ain’t here.” Hunter turned to look at the offending party. 

Everyone else turned to face Omega, silently sitting next to Wrecker hand over her nose and mouth. 

“SORRY!” She yelled embarrassingly, jumped off the chair, ran to the refresher, and slammed the door. 

Wrecker threw up his hands, “GEEZ! I CAN’T CATCH A BREAK WITH YOU GUYS!!!” 

PLEASE like, comment, and/or REBLOG!

IF YOU WISH TO BE ADDED OR DROPPED FROM MY TAG LIST, PLEASE MESSAGE ME! Don't just comment as I might miss it. Thanks!!! <3

[lilyoffandoms]

Cian’s Books

Had to redo that CoP cover after it finally hit me what they based this part of the stain glass on.

I’d been trying to place it since I first read that book and for the life of me I could not until a few weeks back when it hit me while riding the bus home from work.

Also, I did actually do that Heist one but don’t think I ever posted it. I’m working on the ILB but ugh my vision is NOT coming together 😅

Cian originally had the tagline of the CoP book as “The bejeweled goddess and the disgraced NYPD detective and exiled prince that brought her cult to its fiery end,” but he decided it was too sensationalist. Trystan learns about the original tagline and finances a one print run of the book with that tagline for his personal library much to Gabriel’s dismay.

Signed copies Cian has sent out to those that helped with each book:

Guardian Angel

Sam - “Gorgeous, couldn’t have done this without you. Thanks for wrangling Dave into his interviews as well. Never enjoyed watching something unfold as much as I did those moments. Top shelf whiskey on me next time I’m out your way. -All my love, Cian”

Dave - “Thanks for all your insights on this one but most especially thanks for arranging for me to meet Cassandra. -Cian” [Yes, he got a picture with her and autograph and yes, she is on his free pass list of celebs.]

The Way

Olivia - “You were invaluable in the writing of this book. Thank you for opening your icy home to me, for teaching me how to survive a Lythikos winter, and for teaching me two hundred ways to murder someone without a trace. You terrify me. xoxo - Your always willing victim, Cian” [yes he’s a serial flirt and yeah he has a death wish hehe]

Riley & “Liam” - “Thank you, your majesties, for opening up the royal archives to me and for your generous hospitality and kindness. I will definitely be back for an actual vacation soon. And will drag Flynn along. - My eternal gratitude, Cian”

Since I hc Cian and my TRR MC, Iara, as being siblings now, here is the inscription Cian would leave Iara and ‘Liam’: “Thanks for always being my biggest cheerleader and for inviting me to write about something so personally close to us all. Thanks for collaborating with me on this one (told ya it was the fun way to see your name in print). Love you to the moon and back, Kaa [his nickname for Iara] Thank you both for the late night dinners, the hospitality, the fireside chats, the drinks, and time spent snuggling my favorite stinky face. Love you all so very much!

The Face in the Flames

Trystan & Gabriel - “Cheers to the two best damn detectives in New York. Thanks for the dinners, the tours, the detailed rundowns, the late nights blowing off steam at The Drunk Tank. Thanks for being the best of unexpected friends. - Love you both more than words can express, Cian P.S. Gabriel, this wasn’t my idea.” [Flynn and Cian became good friends with Trystan and Gabriel during the course of writing this book.]

Ruby - “To my favorite Dr. Death, you know I’ll be coming to you with all the death and dying questions for every book from here on out. Thanks for all the knowledge and laughs. - You favorite murder author, Cian”

Mafalda - “Thanks to you and your agency for all the help you provided me and for giving me so many new ideas for subsequent books. -Cian”

Luke - “Thanks for the dossiers ;) - Cian” [He very much enjoys all the info Luke dug up on Flynn and the rest of the gang.]

Tommy - “Thanks for the drinks and the stories. I made sure to make your nibbling look badass just like you. Already have a new whiskey for you to sample when we visit next. - Cian”

In an AU where Lilah is the detective, Trystan & Lilah - “Thank you for being the two best detectives in New York. Thanks for the dinners, the tours, the detailed rundowns, the late nights blowing off steam at The Drunk Tank. Thanks for being the best of unexpected friends. xo -Cian P.S. Lilah, doll, my offer still stands. Just say the word and let me know when you want to ditch the former king for a middling true crime novelist. P.P.S. Trystan, don’t bother threatening me with the Drakovian Royal Guard, I’m friends with Olivia, nothing scares me except her.”

Veil of Secrets

He refused to write anything in these for anyone since it hit too close to home for him. The only exception was Kate - “Kate, light of my life, my sister, my best friend, and partner in crime. What do I say to the gal that brought me everything good in my life but thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Thank you for everything that was, that is, and has yet to be. Can’t imagine doing this life without you! - Love forever and always and an extra day, Cian”

The Heist

Sonia - “Babe, thank you for all your unique insight and for filling all the blanks that the crew glossed over. Your secrets are safe with me. Also, tell Nash that he owes me a damn expensive watch when you see him next. - Cian”

Nash (my TH:M MC) - “That was damn impressive. Now give it back! - Cian” [Cian sent another signed copy along for Sonia to pass along to my TH:M MC who definitely stole his watch off him during their interview. Sonia passes it along and Cian has a very, very nice watch in the mail a few weeks later. Along with pictures of his watch on Nash’s wrist in various locales throughout the world.]

It Lives in the Woods

Still thinking on these. Mostly because I don’t know the ending I want yet.

My Art Ish Thing Tag (Choices Edition): @storyofmychoices @aallotarenunelma @twinkleallnight @thosehallowedhalls @dutifullynuttywitch

Event Tag: @choicesmonthlychallenge (spooktober - mischief)

[release-the-hound]

as a havanese owner, what would you say their energy levels are like? trainability? grooming needs? looking into getting small dogs in the future and havanese are on the list of possibilities

I think part of the reason Havanese are so wonderful for so many people is that their energy levels are extremely variable. A well bred Havanese should match its energy levels to its owners for the most part. There are days where I have only taken Whim outside to potty, and spent the rest of my time sick in bed, and she has happily cuddled up next to me and slept by my side. But she has also happily galloped alongside me for a 5km run, and been eager for more. Ultimately what Havanese want more than a specific amount of activity, is to be doing activity with their person.

Of course, I always celebrate doing more with your dog. I try to give Whim at least a 20 minute walk daily. Along with minimum 5 minutes dedicated training session and a food puzzle for enrichment. Often I am able to do more than that.

(One if my favorite off-leash adventures with Whim. A 3 hour walk through unusually deep snow. So many sniffs and lots of excellent recalls!)

When my sister died, I was frequently doing less, for weeks. And she didn't devolve into a frustrated barking mess, didn't chew up my apartment, she was a little bored, but she was never miserable. She just lay in my bed, by my side, day after day, until I was ready to face the world again.

(I cannot overstate how good Whim is at cuddling. If there was an international competition for it, she'd win it every year.)

I really think for disabled people, Havanese have the ideal energy level. You can meet their base needs fairly easily, but if you are up for adventure they're always ready to come along for a ride.

(Whim travels frequently on airplanes with me, and is always complimented on her good behavior.)

Grooming needs are the sticking point for many people, unfortunately. While Havanese are genrtically capable of producing a short coat, it's against the breed standard, and so I don't know of anyone intentionally breeding for that.

For me, a non-shedding dog is worth extra grooming, but I know that's not the case for a lot of people. I have Whim shaved about every 4 to 6 months. This means that I go over her coat to comb out any mats about once a week, and I trim the fur out of her eyes on occassion. But other than that, I dont worry about grooming. I bathe her when she's stinky and trim her nails when they get long, which you need to do with every dog. I know @girlhorse keeps Enzo in a much fuller coat. If you want to keep a fuller coat, she might be willing to talk about the grooming experience.

It's also worth noting that due to their small size, combing Whim's fur is like, a 20 minute process.

(I often miss Whim's coat from when I kept her long. She was so unbelievably adorable.)

Havanese are my FAVOURITE dogs to train bar none. I'm not a professional trainer in any sense of the word, but between group classes and my job I have seen how a lot of dogs learn. @thelittlespanielthatcould and I often compare Havs to a CKCS with a little more spunk. They are very clever and very eager to work with you, but when they have an opinion they make it clear.

Whim can be entirely focused on me for an hour long lesson. But she won't do work she's not fairly compensated for. Personally, I like a dog that won't let me push them around. If it's a hot day and I haven't given Whim enough water breaks, she'll march herself over to her bowl whenever she damn well pleases. If I'm not using a high enough value treat, she will take it from my hand and spit it on the ground. I like these things because I like dogs that set their own boundaries. I want my dog to tell me when she is tired or thirsty, when I'm not rewarding enough, when she's frightened. Because I get clear feedback from her on what I'm doing wrong, I can alter my methods very quickly to keep us in sync. I like that my dog can tell me something so clearly and I can say back to her "ok, I'm listening."

Whim does very well in Rally when I can afford the classes. She loved agility. Havanese also make great trick dogs. They have amazing handler focus (once they mature). They love spending time with you, so they love training. You just have to be fair to them. I guess I'd describe them as eager to engage, but not eager to please. She wants to spend time with me, she wants to play my games, but she isn't afraid to stand her ground if she's not having fun. Training her brings me so much fucking joy. Even writing about it now has put a smile on my face.

(Whim and I had so much fun in agility. She loved the tunnels so much she used to go off course just to run them a second or third time. Until I started bringing out the big guns (cheese) and suddenly she was an angel again lol.)

Realistically, no breed is ever going to be ideal for every person on the planet. But 2 words come to mind when I think of Havanese. Fexible: they thrive in many different living situations, energy levels, and activities. And Communicative, about their needs, their desires, their fears, their pain. They make it easy for dog owners to figure out what to do. For these reasons, I think Havanese match well with a lot more people than the average dog breed.

Whim has been my best friend for more than a decade. I have never second-guessed my decision to bring her into my life. I wake up every day knowing that I am profoundly loved. In my brightest moments I picture a future of adventure unfurling before us. In my darkest, her joy reminds me how to find my own.

TL,DR: Get a Havanese.

[bracketsoffear]

Other Leitner Reading List

The full list of submissions for the Unaffiliated Leitner bracket. Bold titles are ones which were accepted to appear in the bracket. Synopses and propaganda can be found below the cut. Be warned, however, that these may contain spoilers!

Allende, Isabel: Ripper

Beauregard, Aron: Playground Borges, Jorge Luis: Averroës's Search Borges, Jorge Luis: El Aleph Bosch, Pseudonymous: The Secret Series Breed-Wrisley, Kira and Scott Cawthon: Five Nights At Freddy's: The Silver Eyes Bulgakov, Mikhail: The Master and Margarita Burroughs, William S.: Naked Lunch Byng, Georgia: Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism

Carroll, Lewis: The Hunting of the Snark

Denning, G.S.: Warlock Holmes DeTerlizzi, Tony: The Search for WondLa

El-Mohtar, Amal and Max Gladstone: This Is How You Lose the Time War

Fforde, Jasper: Thursday Next series

Gaiman, Neil & Terry Pratchett: Good Omens Grahame-Smith, Seth: How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills Grimm, Brothers: Grimm's Fairy Tales

Holt, Tom: Doughnut Hussie, Andrew: Homestuck

Johnson, Jeremy Robert: We Live Inside You

Langlois, Amelie C.: The Sister Verse Series Lewis, C.S.: The Silver Chair Lovecraft, H.P.: The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath Lubar, David: Weenies series Lyons, Steve: The Crooked World

Nash, Ogden: A Tale of the 13th Floor

Osman, Richard: The Thursday Murder Club

Pinkwater, Daniel: Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars Pirinçci, Akif: Felidae

Rix, Jamie: Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids

Scieszka, Jon: The Stinky Cheese Man Shannon, David: No, David! Sims, Jonathan: Thirteen Storeys Skipp, John: Don't Push the Button Stine, R.L.: Goosebumps

Theis, Jim: The Eye of Argon Tokuda-Hall, Maggie: The Mermaid The Witch and The Sea Traditional (German): Der Struwwelpeter Trumbo,  Dalton: Johnny Got His Gun

Van Allsburg, Chris: The Mysteries of Harris Burdick Vasquez, Jhonen: Squee's Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors

Allende, Isabel: Ripper

Seventeen-year-old Amanda Martin is fascinated by crime. She is currently obsessed with a game called "Ripper" which she plays online with players from around the world. With the assistance of her beloved grandfather, she guides the group (Sherlock, Esmeralda, Colonel Paddington, and Abatha) in their objective of solve crimes inspired by those of Jack the Ripper. When a series of grisly murders starts taking place in the San Francisco area where she leaves, she is fascinated by then and finds herself steering the group toward solving these real life murders.

But the game stops being fun when her mother, free-spirited Indiana Jackson, goes missing.

Beauregard, Aron: Playground

Three low-income families have been given a handsome retainer to join Geraldine Borden for a day at her cliffside estate. All the parents must do to collect the rest of their money is allow their children to test out the revolutionary playground equipment Geraldine has been working on for decades. But there’s a reason the structures in the bowels of her gothic castle have taken so long to develop—they were never meant to see the light of day.

When a band of dysfunctional children is suddenly thrust into a diabolical realm of violence, they must grow up instantly to have a chance at survival. Will they find a way to put their differences aside, or be swallowed up by the insidious architecture all around them?

Borges, Jorge Luis: Averroës's Search

The story very much reminds me of the domain in MAG183: Monument. "The story imagines the difficulty of Averroës, the famed Islamic philosopher and translator, in translating Aristotle's Poetics because he was not able to understand what a play was, owing to the absence of live theatrical performances from Averroës' cultural milieu, in contrast to that of ancient Greece. In the story, Averroës casually observes some children play-acting, then later hears a traveler ineptly describe an actual theatrical performance he once saw in a distant land, but still fails to understand that the tragedies and comedies of which Aristotle writes are a kind of performance art, rather than merely literature.

The process of writing the story is meant to parallel the events in the story itself; Borges writes in an afterword to the story that his attempt to understand Averroës was as doomed as Averroës's attempt to understand drama. "I felt that the work mocked me, foiled me, thwarted me. I felt that Averroës, trying to imagine what a play is without ever having suspected what a theater is, was no more absurd than I, trying to imagine Averroës yet with no more material than a few snatches from Renan, Lane, and Asín Palacios.""

Borges, Jorge Luis: El Aleph

I am not sure if this counts as it is a collection of short stories, so I will also submit my personal choice that best fits an unaligned Leitner in my opinion. "The title work, "The Aleph", describes a point in space that contains all other spaces at once. The work also presents the idea of infinite time. Borges writes in the original afterword, dated May 3, 1949 (Buenos Aires), that most of the stories belong to the genre of fantasy, mentioning themes such as identity and immortality."

Bosch, Pseudonymous: The Secret Series

The series is about two children who are not named Cass and Max-Ernest. Cass is a survivalist, while Max-Ernest has a condition (though no one knows quite what his condition is). One day, they are swept into the dangerous world of the Terces Society and the Midnight Sun...and the Secret.

Features alchemy, the quest for immortality, time travel, a very Lemony narrator, and the exploration of all five senses.

Breed-Wrisley, Kira and Scott Cawthon: Five Nights At Freddy's: The Silver Eyes

From the creator of the bestselling horror video game series Five Nights at Freddy's.Ten years after the horrific murders at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza that ripped their town apart, Charlie, whose father owned the restaurant, and her childhood friends reunite on the anniversary of the tragedy and find themselves at the old pizza place which had been locked up and abandoned for years. After they discover a way inside, they realize that things are not as they used to be. The four adult-sized animatronic mascots that once entertained patrons have changed. They now have a dark secret . . . and a murderous agenda.

Bulgakov, Mikhail: The Master and Margarita

One hot spring, the devil arrives in Moscow, accompanied by a retinue that includes a beautiful naked witch and an immense talking black cat with a fondness for chess and vodka. The visitors quickly wreak havoc in a city that refuses to believe in either God or Satan. But they also bring peace to two unhappy Muscovites: one is the Master, a writer pilloried for daring to write a novel about Christ and Pontius Pilate; the other is Margarita, who loves the Master so deeply that she is willing literally to go to hell for him.

Burroughs, William S.: Naked Lunch

It follows Bill Lee through Interzone: a surreal, orgiastic wasteland of drugs, depravity, political plots, paranoia, sadistic medical experiments and endless, gnawing addiction. The book is structured as a series of loosely connected vignettes, intended by Burroughs to be read in any order, and the main character takes on various aliases as he travels from the U.S. to Mexico, eventually to Tangier and the dreamlike Interzone. Burroughs wrote in his introduction that "The title means exactly what the words say: naked lunch, a frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork."

Could this book be considered as being aligned to the Spiral? Could it be Flesh? I don't know, but it is certainly something or other.

Byng, Georgia: Molly Moon's Incredible Book of Hypnotism

Molly Moon is a British preteen living in a terrible orphanage. Just before her only friend is adopted and moves to America without saying goodbye, she finds a rare book on hypnotism, and gains the ability to hypnotize anyone through eye contact and make them do whatever she wants. She heads off to America to find her friend, hypnotizing people all the way. Meanwhile, a sinister wanna-be hypnotist stalks her... and he is willing to do anything to get the book in his hands.

Sequels deal with further developing psychic powers, including body-hopping, weather control, and even time travel.

Carroll, Lewis: The Hunting of the Snark

An epic poem which hits quite a few different fears; the Hunt is an obvious one, and given the author, so is the Spiral. The sea voyage has elements of Vast, and various characters can be read as Flesh, Stranger, and even Web. The poem seems to end with the Lonely; " He had softly and suddenly vanished away — For the Snark was a Boojum, you see."

Denning, G.S.: Warlock Holmes

A Sherlock Holmes parody in which the titular detective is a rather abstracted mage, Watson is the brains of the outfit, and Gregson and Lestrade are an ogre and a vampire, respectively. Together, they investigate supernatural crime in Victorian England.

DeTerlizzi, Tony: The Search for WondLa

The Search for WondLa is the first book in a trilogy about a human girl, Eva Nine, in a strange and unfamiliar world.

She actually spends a lot of this book believing she is the last of her species surrounded by all sorts of strange creatures she can never quite feel close to (lonely, extinction) while being hunted by a trophy hunter who wants to give her to a mysterious queen.

On why it's Lonely: a large portion of the book is spent with someone she cannot communicate with and feels distant from, alongside the general Lonely vibes of "last human" stories.

On why it's Extinction: This is earth. A long-destroyed earth, specifically (she visits the ruins of NYC, I have proof), and these alien races have moved in now that the humans are all "gone" (complicated). It's heavily implied the earth was destroyed in some nuclear war or natural disaster, with the alien species having restored the earth from a wasteland.

On why it's hunt: she spends the entire book being hunted and being afraid because of that, what more do I need to say?

On why it belongs here: quite the fear cocktail for a children's book, isn't it?

El-Mohtar, Amal and Max Gladstone: This Is How You Lose the Time War

The novel is about two agents on rival sides of a time war, Red and Blue, who are both working to ensure that their respective futures — the highly technological Agency and the biological Garden — come to pass. Despite their opposing organizations, Red and Blue begin exchanging letters across time and space, and develop affection for each other that threatens not only them, but the entire time war.

Fforde, Jasper: Thursday Next series

Thursday Next lives in an Alternate History. In her world, Time Travel, cloning and genetic engineering are commonplace; resurrected dodos are the household pet of choice. The obscenely powerful Goliath Corporation, which nearly singlehandedly reconstructed England after World War II, now runs the country as a virtual police state. And literature, particularly classic literature, is very, very, very Serious Business. Writers are revered with nearly spiritual devotion, controversial claims about books and authors can be criminal, and an entire police squad, the LiteraTecs, exist to keep the literary scene in order. Thursday works for just such a unit in Swindon, with her friend and colleague, the exceedingly polite Bowden Cable.

In the course of rescuing her Gadgeteer Genius uncle Mycroft from international arch-criminal Acheron Hades, a gleefully evil individual with supernatural powers, Thursday discovers the Great Library, a sort of pocket dimension that exists 'behind the scenes' of all works of literature, where all literary characters live. They're self-aware, acting out their roles when a person reads a book but chilling out and living their own lives as soon as they close it. The Great Library is governed by the Council of Genres and kept in line by Jurisfiction, another police force whose task it is to make sure the plot of every book stays the same every time someone reads it. (Insofar as they can.)

Such is the universe of Jasper Fforde's meta-fictional masterpiece, the Thursday Next series. The author hangs a lampshade on everything and anything relating to classic literature, the tropes of police fiction and spy fiction, and even the relationship between a work of fiction and its audience. Heavy on wordplay and puns, the series deals with the tireless heroine's adventures balancing her work as an agent of Jurisfiction in the Great Library and LiteraTec in the outside world, to say nothing of her responsibilities as a wife and mother.

Gaiman, Neil & Terry Pratchett: Good Omens

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Grahame-Smith, Seth: How to Survive a Horror Movie: All the Skills to Dodge the Kills

Every month or so, a new horror movie hits #1 at the box office no wonder there are dozens of new fright films slated for release in 2007. But if you find yourself trapped in one of these movies, there's no need to be afraid. How to Survive a Horror Movie teaches readers how to cope with every kind of horror movie obstacle, from ax-wielding psychopaths to haunted Japanese VHS tapes. Chapters include:

-How to Survive a Night of Babysitting -How to Convince the Skeptical Local Sheriff -How to Perform an Exorcism -How to Tell If You've Been Dead Since the Beginning of the Movie -How to Vanquish a Murderous Doll

Full of illustrated instructions on avoiding ghosts, serial killers, haunted cars, murderous pets, telekinetic prom queens, and countless other hazards, How to Survive a Horror Movie is essential reading for movie buffs of all ages!

Grimm, Brothers: Grimm's Fairy Tales

Can't beat the classics, especially when the original versions feature cannibalism, murder, mutilation, and torture!

Holt, Tom: Doughnut

Multiversal travel is made possible through mathematics and fried dough.

Hussie, Andrew: Homestuck

This thing is a tome of madness, chaos, and early 2000s Internet culture (oops, tautology!)

***

you know why

Johnson, Jeremy Robert: We Live Inside You

"We are within you, and we are growing. Watching. Waiting for your empires to fall. It won't be long now. We are the fear of death that drives you and the terrible hunger that reshapes you in its name. We are the vengeance born from senseless slaughter and the pulsing reptile desire that negates your consciousness. We are the lie on your lips, the collapsing star in your heart, and the still-warm gun in your shaking hands. The illusion of control is all we'll allow you, and no matter what you do... WE LIVE INSIDE YOU"

This book is one of those story collections that everybody should read. In turns fascinating, poignant, scary and all too human, Jeremy Robert Johnson taps into the nightmare psyche that threatens to eat you every moment of your life. Each story highlights another gremlin that snacks on your nerves, tells you things you don't want to hear.

Langlois, Amelie C.: The Sister Verse Series

John, an unstable detective living in an alternate future, is plagued by hallucinations of a malevolent, shapeshifting entity, known as the Lord in White, that haunted his childhood. While he struggles to maintain his grip on reality, he soon discovers that his world is a terrifying illusion designed to make him suffer. Surreal, horrifying, and unflinchingly brutal – enter a world of blood and fear. Enter the Sister Verse.

The series reads like a fever dream. The world reflects the fears of all the characters in the most bizarre way possible, and things continue to unravel the further they go, typically ending in a forest made of liquid meat that surrounds a black hole shaped like a willow with teeth. It is revealed in the first book that the whole reality John and the rest of the cast of characters live in and themselves was created by the Lord in White for his own amusement. The Lord in White is completely aware that it’s in a fictional universe, and is implied to have the power to rewrite parts of the story, being the avatar of the Sister Verse. It often refers to the reader directly, as well as real world occurrences and future in-universe events, to the point that it literally recites lines from the book. And that's just the first book in the series, with the Lovecraftian horror continuing further in the sequels as the past of the Dreadlands is revealed, along with the past of its characters.

Lewis, C.S.: The Silver Chair

"Eustace and Jill escape from the bullies at school through a strange door in the wall, which, for once, is unlocked. It leads to the open moor...or does it? Once again Aslan has a task for the children, and Narnia needs them. Through dangers untold and caverns deep and dark, they pursue the quest that brings them face to face with the evil Witch. She must be defeated if Prince Rillian is to be saved."

Lovecraft, H.P.: The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath

Uncelebrated writer and illustrious dreamer Randolph Carter dreams three times of a majestic sunset city, but each time he is abruptly snatched away before he can see it up close. When he prays to the gods of dream to reveal the whereabouts of the phantasmal city, they do not answer, and his dreams of the city stop altogether. Undaunted, Carter decides to use all his talents in the dream-world to find the legendary mountain Kadath, where the wiser Earth Gods live, in order to ask them for the location of his beloved sunset city. He initiates a quest through the depths of the Dreamlands, finding the weirdest things and meeting the strangest friends and foes.

Unknowingly to Carter, a powerful entity is bent on making him desist of his quest...

Lubar, David: Weenies series

A series of horror story collections for kids which range from the funny to the weird to the outright twisted.

Lyons, Steve: The Crooked World

Synopsis: The people of the Crooked World lead an idyllic existence.

Take Streaky Bacon, for example. This jovial farmer wants nothing more from life than a huge blunderbuss, with which he can blast away at his crop-stealing nemesis. And then there's Angel Falls, a racing driver with a string of victories to her name. Sure, her trusted guardian might occasionally put on a mask and menace her for her prize money, but that's just life, right? And for Jasper the cat, nothing could be more pleasant than a nice, long nap in his kitchen — so long as that darn mouse doesn't jam his tail into the plug socket again.

But somebody is about to shatter all those lives. Somebody is about to change everything — and it's possible that no one on the Crooked World will ever be happy again.

The Doctor's TARDIS is about to arrive. And when it does... That's all folks!

Propaganda: okay. okay okayokayokkay. I can be normal about this book (a lie). The TARDIS lands on a planet that operates on cartoon logic. The Doctor immediately gets shot in the chest and everyone is very confused when he doesn't immediately heal. The travelers have inadvertently introduced the real world into this Saturday Morning fantasyland, with concepts like death and sex and social inequality. For the first time, people can die permanently. The two-bit villains unite to nuke the heroic characters. The Scooby gang actually do discover the flayed corpse of God. In the middle of it all is the Doctor at maximum Nyarlathotep, fomenting revolution and drastic metaphysical upheaval in his strange, too-real clothes. If nothing else, vote for this book for actually making me cry over the death of Scrappy Fuckin' Doo!

Nash, Ogden: A Tale of the 13th Floor

A poem which warns against murderous retribution and illustrates the hellish fate of killers tied forever to their victims in the afterlife. Link: https://allpoetry.com/A-Tale-Of-The-Thirteenth-Floor

Osman, Richard: The Thursday Murder Club

“In a peaceful retirement village, four unlikely friends meet up once a week to investigate unsolved murders. But when a brutal killing takes place on their very doorstep, the Thursday Murder Club find themselves in the middle of their first live case. Elizabeth, Joyce, Ibrahim and Ron might be pushing eighty but they still have a few tricks up their sleeves. Can our unorthodox but brilliant gang catch the killer before it's too late?”

While it seems like a shoe-in for the Hunt with tracking down who did the crime, the book goes in areas that could consider being touched by the Lonely, the End, and the Eye. After all, this does take place in a retirement village — people die, people are lonely and these four senior citizens want to get to the bottom of this mystery.

Pinkwater, Daniel: Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars

Leonard Neeble has been unhappy since his parents moved from the big city to suburban Kangaroo Park, New Jersey. His new school, Bat Masterson Jr. High, is terrible, and he has no friends since his classmates are snobbish louts who won't be friends with him because he's portly.

Things change once a new student shows up from The Bronx: Alan Mendelsohn, a trollish student who shuts the school down by telling everyone he's from Mars. After they both get suspended for acting out, the two boys journey to Downtown Hogboro, where they start a Mind Control course that teaches them telekinesis and, eventually, how to travel between dimensions.

Pirinçci, Akif: Felidae

Francis is a cat who has moved with his owner to a city in Germany. There, he comes across a mystery involving the murders of several neighborhood cats. Think Warriors, but it is a murder mystery written for adults. It has a lot of Slaughter and Hunt going on, but the killer's motives and backstory would honestly make him a prime Avatar for the Extinction.

The serial killer, Claudandus aka Pascal, is purely motivated by a deep hatred of humans after a traumatic past as the victim of some truly sadistic animal experiments in which he and other cats were used as lab rats, which leads him to try to create a race of "genetically perfect" cats while murdering those he considers to be inferior. He dreams of a future in which humans have been replaced as the dominant species by this future breed of cats, the narration even including an imaginary scenerio of the very last human trying to hide in the ruins of civilization before being hunted down like prey.

Rix, Jamie: Grizzly Tales For Gruesome Kids

A series of cautionary tales for lovers of screams! Getting a haircut? eating spaghetti? Having a birthday party? You may think these all sound like very ordinary things to do. But read on and see just how grizzly they can be!

Scieszka, Jon: The Stinky Cheese Man

it scared the FUCK out of me as a child, I have no idea why and I don't remember what it was about, and just its art style still creeps me out and I'm in my thirties now. That's got to count for something, yeah? ...okay this prolly isn't a great one for the tournament, but if you're struggling to fill in the brackets.

Shannon, David: No, David!

When David Shannon was five years old, he wrote and illustrated his first book. On every page were these words: NO, DAVID! . . . and a picture of David doing things he was not supposed to do.Now David is all grown up. But some things never change. . . .Twenty years after its initial publication, No, David! remains a perennial household favorite, delighting children, parents, and teachers alike. David is a beloved character, whose unabashed good humor, mischievous smile, and laughter-inducing antics underline the love parents have for their children -- even when they misbehave.

Sims, Jonathan: Thirteen Storeys

"You're cordially invited to dinner. Penthouse access is available via the broken freight elevator. Black tie optional.

A dinner party is held in the penthouse of a multimillion-pound development. All the guests are strangers - even to their host, the billionaire owner of the building. None of them know why they were selected to receive his invitation. Whether privileged or deprived, besides a postcode, they share only one thing in common - they've all experienced a shocking disturbance within the building's walls.

By the end of the night, their host is dead, and none of the guests ever said what happened. His death remains one of the biggest unsolved mysteries - until now.

But are you ready for their stories?"

Skipp, John: Don't Push the Button

We all know horror. It's in our face every day. You can try to negotiate the nightmare but total chaos and destruction is just one button-push away.

In this intensely personal collection of short stories, screenplays, and essays, the author walks you through the light and the dark with an unflinching eye. Revealing both the best and worst of us, one laugh and scream at a time.

It ain't pretty. But it's beautiful. Once you go all the way.

Stine, R.L.: Goosebumps

It is a series of horror novels written for very young audiences. The protagonists in these stories are teens or pre-teens who find themselves in frightening circumstances, often involving the supernatural, the paranormal or the occult. The best way to describe these books is that they are The Twilight Zone for pre-adolescents, with a twist at the end of every book (sometimes cruel, sometimes not, sometimes non-existent, which is a twist in and of itself given the series). It has spawned a pair of television series, a video games series, a comic series and merchandise, as well as a pair of feature films.

While the books are written for children and so they might not be that scary, they can still get quite creepy, and you might find one book for every Entity if you search hard enough. The book covers can also get really creepy to look at, too.

Theis, Jim: The Eye of Argon

Described as "the worst fantasy novella ever", The Eye of Argon is a story by then 16 year-old Jim Theis. It's the tale of Grignr, a foul-mouthed barbarian warrior who is trying to escape the dungeons of Evil Overlord Agaphim and rescue a young woman named Carthena from a pagan cult who want to sacrifice her to their idol — a statue with one eye called "The Eye of Argon". (A "scarlet emerald", complete with some interesting plumbing.)

Published in the fanzine OSFAN 7 in 1970, the story is well known for its abundant cliches, shoddy spelling, flat characters, wooden dialogue and overly colourful writing. Every woman is a "wench", eyes are "emerald orbs". Almost nothing is ever "said" — instead it is "queried" or "ejaculated" or "husked" or "stated whimsicoracally". There's an extended scene involving elderly cult priests groping Carthena, and she is described earlier as a "half-naked harlot… with a lithe, opaque nose".

The most widely-known and circulated copy of the story comes to an abrupt and unsatisfactory halt, and for many years it was believed that the ending was lost forever (or even, in some quarters, that the story was never completed). Recent years have seen the separate discoveries of two intact copies of the fanzine in which The Eye of Argon debuted, so it is now known how the tale ends. (With multiple exclamation marks, it turns out.)

At science fiction conventions, The Eye of Argon is now a sort of parlor game. All participants sit in a circle with a hard copy of the story, and the first one starts reading aloud — pronouncing every word as it's misspelled, and including every adjective. When they finally burst into laughter, the copy is passed to the next person. If a person manages to make it through more than a page, the copy is sometimes passed anyway, on the grounds that the reader must have special training as a news anchor.

Tokuda-Hall, Maggie: The Mermaid The Witch and The Sea

Follows mainly two characters – Evelyn, the daughter of a wealthy family, sent off on a ship to an arranged marriage, and Flora, known by the alias Florian, a pirate on said ship. This ship is a conship, as it takes people on long travels only to sell them as slaves. Themes of the vast, stranger, the end, the slaughter, and the desolation are commonly present throughout the book

Traditional (German): Der Struwwelpeter

1845 German children's book filled with cautionary tales. These cautionary tales are more grim than others, however — they often end in death or dismemberment for the child. They are a source of plenty of nightmare fuel, too.

Notable examples: The Dreadful Story of Harriet/Pauline and the Matches - Desolation, she plays with matches and burns to death. The Story of the Wild Huntsman - Hunt, a hare steals a hunter's rifle and eyeglasses and hunts him. The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb - Flesh(?), Conrad is warned by his mother not to suck his thumbs, but he does anyway. So a tailor appears and snips them off. The Story of Flying Robert - Vast, Robert goes outside during a storm and the wind picks up his umbrella, carrying him off never to be seen again.

Trumbo,  Dalton: Johnny Got His Gun

It follows a young man named Joe Bonham, who, after becoming grievously injured during World War I, is left deaf, blind, dumb, and without any limbs. Throughout the novel, Joe reminisces about the life that he's lost, waxes philosophical about war and conscription, and tries desperately to communicate with the doctors keeping him alive.

The novel is heavily about the horrors of war, which would make it Slaughter, but in Joe's plight there's also another sort of horror: He can't move, he can't see, he can't speak. He is effectively trapped in his own body, a torment that could be but it's not quite Buried. There's also some argument for the Spiral to be there as well, as his condition makes it hard for him and the reader to know when he's awake or when he's dreaming, to say nothing on how the horrible situation he's in affects his sanity.

"I don't know whether I'm alive and dreaming or dead and remembering."

Van Allsburg, Chris: The Mysteries of Harris Burdick

Downloadable PDF: https://mrsgraveswebsite.weebly.com/uploads/1/2/6/8/12686140/the_mysteries_of_harris_burdick.pdf

The Mysteries of Harris Burdick consists of a series of images, ostensibly created by Harris Burdick, a man who has mysteriously disappeared. Each image is accompanied by a title and a single line of text, which encourage readers to create their own stories.

Vasquez, Jhonen: Squee's Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors

Squee (named after the sound he makes when he's afraid) is a little boy whose short life is an unending parade of horrors. His parents outwardly detest him to the point where his father watches footage of his birth played in reverse for amusement, and the only kid in school who likes him is the Antichrist, who Squee is terrified of. He has never, ever, ever, had a good dream. Through the course of the book, he is visited by aliens, ghosts, zombies, time travelers and the serial killer next door.

Though Squee is as frightened by all this as anyone else might be, he takes it in his stride with a passive resilience that only a child could possess and the help of Shmee, his teddy bear and 'trauma-sponge.' He gets through the horrors just by being a simple-minded kid. Adults dwell on the past and the future. Kids live squarely in the present, daydream about flying and drink Tang until they forget it all. He takes for granted that the world is scary and just goes to school each day, provided he hasn't been abducted by aliens.

[galactic-ambitions-jester]

Marx and Dokutaro’s Must Vote(and Not Vote) List!

Hey, hey, hey! How you folks doin’! The @kirbyoctournament is rolling in! Dokutaro and I have blog jumping here n’ there! And we made list of who to vote (and not vote)! - Marx

And without further ado, let’s start the propaganda support! - Dokutaro

And anti-propaganda support! Noww!! Our recommendations for who to vote for! After all, why are you still here? - Marx

First up, vote Lady Celestine! (@kirbybecomesastarwarrior) - Dokutaro

Why? Because she’s cool, sassy and a sweet girl and is a literal queen! Next! Vote for Valfrey (@gethoce) and DON’T vote for Sir Uther (@quanblovk)! - Marx

Why not Sir Uther? Because he’s stinky, punchable, a loser that’s even more worse than Kieran(wait, how do I know that?) And vote Valfrey! Because she’s Sir Uther’s paralysis demon, supports lesbians, cool girl, & beautiful. - Dokutaro

Fecto Flora (@ceoofmetagala) is also someone who you should vote for too. Wonderful lil’ fella. Someone you can relate to, Doku! - Marx

… How do I put up with you again? - Dokutaro

And last but not the least of our recommendations for the tournament, Noir (@desultory-novice)! Edgy and unstable, but surprisingly has a good heart! - Marx

And that concludes our recommendation list for the Kirby OC tournament. - Dokutaro

Have a nice day, folks!! - Marx

//welp, I don’t know if this counts as propaganda, but if it is, enjoy their banter and recommendations. It’s also support propaganda (and non support propaganda for Sir Uther, but that’s because the guy’s punchable, sorry not sorry)

Propaganda for @kirbyoctournament

[mugiwara-lucy]

So I saw this bullshit this morning 😒

You lot ALREADY know my grievance with Jill Stein and i LOVE how her campaign advisor confirmed what we've all been saying for years; she was made to sway people NOT to vote Democrat which would in turn split the vote and give it to Trump.

And I saw this which made me facepalm so hard 😒

For you dumbass naive college kids who think Kamala losing will "punish dems" and woefully misinformed Muslims who think Trump will spare you; keep in mind a WEEK he initiated a Muslim Ban back in 2017. A FUCKING WEEK.

And if you College Kids care as much about Palestinians and Muslims as you claim; you should know that Muslim Faith Leaders HAVE ENDORSED HER as well as Palestinians wanting someone OTHER THAN DONALD TRUMP which is REALISTICALLY KAMALA HARRIS. Even the bitch in the above screencap says she knows Kamala CAN NOT WIN. If you care as much as you claim, LISTEN TO THEM.

While you guys sit on that....here is the link below to register to vote along with the deadlines varying by state! Also, your own vote isn’t enough! Get as many people as you can to vote for Kamala be it your friends, cousins, parents, grandparents, old friends from high school and college, coworkers, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, stepchildren (if they’re 18 and over) and the list goes on and on but every vote counts! ALSO PLEASE check your registration DAILY because MAGA WILL purge your voter registration!!!

And early voting has started! And if you don’t wanna vote on November 5th, Early Voting is another option! Like I said get as many people as you know and try early voting that way you can avoid MAGA fuckery on November 5th! Here’s the link down below listing the dates by state:

And Mail in Ballots are ANOTHER option I highly recommend!! And like I said get as many people as you can to take advantage of this option! BUT if you decide to go with Mail In/Absentee Ballots; PLEASE mail your ballots at the ACTUAL USPS office!! That way MAGAts won't fuck with it.

And if you’re an American who lives overseas; PLEASE use the option of voting overseas since I know every country other than North Korea, Russia and China do NOT want to see Trump’s stinky ass back in the Oval Office! Here’s a link below:

I.....just do NOT understand you "Free Palestine!" people.

You guys wanted a younger, better candidate than Biden. You got it. And you guys STILL bitch and moan?

You guys are WORSE than MAGA and if Jill Stein does her 2016 bullshit and splits the vote and we end up with Vance as President (since Trump will MOST LIKELY NOT make it another four years) and he goes through with his Muslim Ban; a war on women happens where EVERY HEALTHCARE PRECAUTION against women is banned and women die EVEN MORE and America is turned into a Christian Theocracy, do NOT complain.

We warned you.

[funishment-time]

for the ask game, Toko Fukawa :D

you got it! i'll include Syo as well. this is a bit Incoherent, but with any luck you all can Parse what i mean

Sexuality Headcanon: Toko's...tough, because she's got so much going on. regardless, i think if you strip everything away she's genuinely Bisexual, as is Syo. they lean towards Men, but Komaru is special. additionally, i say "comphet" for a lot of the girls, but in Toki's case it's a bit different: hers was less societal and more the abuse of her peers and parents. had she never met Komaru it may have never occurred to her that she could love and partner up with a Woman.

brief aside on this: i don't think Toko would ever identify as gay or queer or anything remotely accurate or healthy (ha). nor would Syo, but Syo would probably use a Slur as a label to get a rise out of people, avatar of rebellion and grunge that she is. Toki in particular is on my list of personal "what are you, gay or something?" characters while actively being married to a woman, next to Miu and a few others. good times

Gender Headcanon: okay, hear me out on this one, and sorry if this doesn't make sense, but...

the Fukawas are generally cis to me, though i've imagined a few scenarios where they're trans. when they're cis, however, i headcanon that, if they're with Komaru, only Toko ends up actually being cis. Syo becomes a sort of...genderweird she/her because she sees herself as the fantasy-masc Byakuya to Komaru's femininity. for lack of a better term: Syo thinks of herself as Komaru's husband (hersband...) a lot.

i have no idea how else to explain this without getting mildly NSFW. my thoughts on it aren't really pornographic so much as, like, Psychosexual? you know? and i want to keep the blog somewhat PG-13, so i'll leave it there!

A ship I have with said character: i am a diehard Tokomaru shipper and they're probably the one OTP i don't like splitting up in the whole franchise. they have a game together. they are the Girls of all time

A BROTP I have with said character: i've always loved the idea of Komaru being the entryway into Toko genuinely befriending (or at least earning the tolerance of) a lot of her fellow survivors in the main timeline. i do think Makoto would sincerely be Toko's pal, though, and i adore positioning him as the sweet bachelor brother-in-law in their nasty little family

A NOTP I have with said character: are there people out there who genuinely ship Fukawa System x Byakuya? if so...i'm sorry, but why? whyyyy. again, i try to Live and let Live in this fandom, but lorda mercy you chose poorly in this case, no offense

A random headcanon: to expand on my previous point...i will add, however, that my Fukawa Headcanons generally don't exclude Byakuya. i've said before that, for me, the Fukawas never really lose their crush on him, but it becomes purely, well, NSFW. if you excuse me being blunt for a moment: they still want to rail him, he figures in many of their fantasies, but they don't want to wake up next to him, and they certainly don't want to have his kids or make him breakfast.

Komaru, however, is the Fukawas' WIFE. she is Love, she is Healing, and she is their very best friend at her core beyond all the romance. she is pancakes and shitty manga and joy. Toko (and Syo) may not dream of Komaru kicking them around, but they do dream of creating a peaceful life with her. well...as peaceful as things can get in that timeline. some shit is always Happening

anyway: and Komaru just accepts this, because she knows she's got the girl(s) in the end!

General Opinion over said character: 10/10 i love my Toki so very much. Toki kinnie 4 life. stinky little insect creature. vile and perfect and lovable

[something-lacking]

Hewie's comment log

A list comprised of everything Hewie says within the comment section throughout the game. Only viewable while playing the hard difficulty.

"You saved me... Now it's my turn to help you. I won't forget this."

"Someone as skinny as you should have been able to do this instead."

"This is the doll that creature was playing with. He played with it so much that he broke it."

"You said 'sit.' so I did. So please... Don't leave me here."

"Every time I bite that guy, the stink is terrible. It makes my nose curl and my eyes water. Yuck!"

"Guess he won't fall for the same trick every time. Oh pooh! Maybe next time."

"Whenever I get pollen on my nose... I can't stop sneezing... Wa-choo! Makes it hard to snag those flowers."

"It's dark and there's not much room. It's really damp, too. Come on, Fiona! Don't make me wait here!"

"Jumping them from behind... Biting their neck... Now that's what I call doggie-style!"

"Arf? He seems... different. Like he's not scary anymore. How bizarre."

"Arf? He stopped moving... Why doesn't he move anymore?"

"Arf!! It feels like I can predict the enemy's moves better now."

"Thought this might be a snack for a second there. Boy is it hard, though."

"Doing this together is fun! What is the name of this game?"

"I've smelled this somewhere before. It's definitely the smell of a vegetable that needs to shut up."

"Didn't hit me! Can't hit me!"

"It smells like 'she' has been through here. I don't like it. I sense danger here!"

"S-She's stopped moving... She looks like... A big doll."

"ARF!!! I feel like I am really starting to connect with Fiona."

"Fiona, why didn't you just try crawling through the peep window?"

"Aww! You found my hidden treasure! Oh well."

"Thank you, Fiona. But I still hurt. I probably can't move around for a while."

"Where did you go? I looked all over for you."

"Did you want to spend some time alone inside the cage?"

"Fiona? Why don't you start running? He's coming! He'll get us!"

"Yay! I love playing games with Fiona."

"We threw him off the edge. Goodbye, bad smell. Goodbye, Riccardo."

"ARF!!!!!! Fiona and I... are soulmates."

"Whoa! Talk about a stinky odor! Moldy rotten wood is just the absolute worst."

"He burned... He melted... He died."

"Oh, come on. Read the memo after we get out of the spooky castle."

If you treat Hewie poorly:

"Aw... M-maybe she hates me?"

"Arf... Arf... F-Fiona? Why is she being so... cold to me."

"Grrrr! Fiona! Why is she being so pissy?"

"Grrrrrr! Enough with the whistling! So annoying! You make me wanna bite you in the ass!"

[winterline13-art]

ArtFight Attacks!!

All the attacks I've done this ArtFight, in order of when I did them!

First for @worthydoesart, Allen and Justice!

Second for @our-master-orion , Deldesy content!

Birthday gift for my good friend illumibee on Instagram!

The chain has begun! Protein Powder for @our-master-orion

Revenge for Caseycloud090 !

Revenge for @maranio !

Attack on @daxmiii !

Attack for @justsimplyspace and Vice who I KNOW has a tumblr blog but cannot for the life of me find it.

Chris for @oreoskys !

Pic's first snowfall for @lemmegettamcpictwo !

Another part of the chain for @our-master-orion, MerRhally this time!

Revenge for a mass attack for @lunar-eclipse-bunnies !

Attack for IrElf114 on AF!

Revenge for Rascal-Pegacat on AF!

Started the chain with @worthydoesart now ! Here come the Grannies! (Rush and Miles still aren't sure what Alex and Justice are up to)

Revenge for decimaldays on AF!

Revenge for spookyblook on AF!

Stinky baby (dw Deldemos still loves Pyrina, she's just a stinky baby (affectionate))(mystery is not pleased by this but that's fine) for @our-master-orion

Revenge for @nekoisopods !

Revenge for @princie33 !

My big mass attack for my friends! In order, @oreoskys , @justsimplyspace , Vice, @worthydoesart , Myself, @our-master-orion , @lemmegettamcpictwo , and @creeping-mollusk !

IT IS UNFORTUNATELY SIDEWAYS but revenge on my irl brother SuperKat32 !!

And my final hurrah to finish off the chain with @our-master-orion , a piece with mine, Orion's and @worthydoesart 's characters Winter, Spirit and Michaelis and how the three have evolved over the years we've known each other <3

AND THAT'S ALL FOR THIS YEAR I know I've got a few revenges to do first thing next year so if you did attack me and are waiting on a revenge REST ASSURED you'll be first on my list next year!!

Happy ArtFight 2024 folks! :D

[dasniichts]

A misc list of headcanons that can double as "the 8 years of peace Welt spent getting to know himself":

Found through long nights of working on animations that he actually found working anything with his hands that didn't require the power of Reason was quite therapeutic and felt more rewarding. Since these were proper creations of his own right, he eventually began taking up drawing more in his free time as well as spent a year relearning how to play piano.

Since all he really knew of his mother was that she was an archeologist and his father had only ever mentioned her "disappearing on an excavation of the suspected ruins of Changkong City", Welt was surprised to find a book on ancient empires across Earth with a number of contributions from her. It quickly became one of his most important possessions.

He hadn't initially been great at cooking for himself, in fact to Tesla and Einstein it was probably a miracle that Welt could even be convinced to sit down to eat even a piece of toast when the next big disaster was perpetually around the corner. That was quickly amended when he adopted the baby Joyce and he actually found it to be one of his favorite things to do.

Speaking of, he's an advocate for the further upgrade and utility of a robotic diaper genie. And air fresheners. Who knew a tiny baby clone could be so stinky?

Was never a big fan of his father's vispipuuro (whipped porridge) and it didn't matter how many generations of Nokianvirtanens it had been passed down to. Though he's not sure if Joyce genuinely likes it or is just being nice to his father about it on the rare occasions he would make it, it's still something Welt planned on teaching him on his next birthday.

Find classical and jazz to be rather soothing to just listen to. Does he feel a bit silly putting on a playlist while sitting in a dim room? Maybe just a bit...

[twoidiotwriters1]

The Curse of Oenone (Leo Valdez xFem!Oc)

A/N: A couple that gets angry together stays together angrily or something like that -Danny Words: 3,101 Series' Masterlist Previous Chapter // Next Chapter Listen to: 'A Million Pretty Pieces' -by Fleurie & Nightly

XXVIII: I'm Mere Seconds Away From Violence

"Check it out," Jason points at a bronze statue of Neptune.

"He's naked," Ara makes a face. "Why?"

"Ah, jeez." Leo groans quietly, but his eyes scan the statue anyway, as they do with everything. "Some kind of clue?"

"Maybe, maybe not," Jason replies. "There are statues of the gods all over the place in Italy. I'd just feel better if we ran across Jupiter. Or Minerva. Anybody but Neptune, really."

"I feel like he's judging me—hey, you little runt, you threw my son to hell!" Ara tries to imitate the god. "New York is packed with statues, and they were all there for a reason. This can't be just for show."

Leo approaches the pedestal where Neptune is. "They were automatons, right? The ones back in New York? Perhaps this dude can give us a hand..."

Leo enters the dry fountain, his eyes moving around like he can read an invisible text over it. She loves it when he does that, it feels like he can do anything and it gives her a sense of safety. As long as she's with Leo, there is no problem they can't solve.

"It's mechanical," he announces. "Maybe a doorway to the dwarfs' secret lair?" 

"Ooooo!" Exclaims a voice behind them. "Secret lair?"

"I want a secret lair!" Whines a second one.

"Oh, you can talk!" Ara follows the voices and finds one dwarf sitting at a café table. "Good! That means you'll understand the curses I'll put on you when I send you back to Tartarus!"

"If we had a secret lair," continues the dwarf ignoring her, "I would want a firehouse pole."

"And a waterslide!" adds the other, seated on the statue. He's the one in possession of Leo's belt.

"Stop that!" Leo tries to seize the creature by the foot, but he can't reach him.

"Too short?" The dwarf cackles from above his head.

"You're calling me short?" Leo looks around in anger, then turns to glare at the little guy. "Give me my belt, you stupid—"

"Now, now! We haven't even introduced ourselves. I'm Akmon. And my brother over there—"

"—is the handsome one! Passalos! Singer of songs! Drinker of coffee! Stealer of shiny stuff!"

"Stinky, annoying, and about to die," Ara lists, drawing out Almighty. Passalos runs away at an impressive speed, and she crashes onto the table before she can catch him.

"Hey!" Akmon frowns as he spots her sword. "I stole that! How did you take it back?" 

Passalos snorts. "Because you're lousy!" He pulls out Katroptis and starts cleaning his teeth with it. "I'm better at stealing than you."

"Hey!" Jason points at him with a scowl. "That's my girlfriend's knife!"

He tries to catch him, but once again the dwarf jumps and holds onto Leo's waist. "Save me?"

"Get off!" Leo tries to beat him away, but Passalos moves before he can even touch him, and the moment he's out of reach, Leo's pants fall around his knees.

Passalos shows them Leo's zipper with a pleased grin, holding it above his head to taunt Leo. Ara blushes, if they continue like this they're going to steal everything from them.

"Give—stupid—zipper!" Leo struggles to keep himself covered while trying to seize the creature.

"Eh, not shiny enough," Passalos tosses the zipper away.

Ara's mind is trying to do something with the information she's gathered, but without her Octopi, she doesn't have the tools to make anything, and she can't go back to the ship and risk losing track of Passalos and Akmon. Only Leo has the skill to make something out of nothing.

While the boys argue with the dwarfs, she turns Almighty back into a compass and stares at it. "C'mon..." The needle makes an abrupt movement and points to the statue.

"Who are you two, anyway?" Jason demands.

"The Kerkopes! I bet you're a son of Jupiter, eh? I can always tell."

"Just like Black Bottom," Passalos adds.

"Black Bottom?" Leo raises a brow.

"Yes, you know—Hercules. We called him Black Bottom because he used to go around without clothes. He got so tan that his backside, well—"

Ara's blood boils at the teasing, she doesn't allow any kind of jokes concerning the children of Olympus, it has become a touchy subject for her. "Give us our stuff back, or I'll give you both black bottoms."

The Kerkopes look at her with amusement. "You're the new daughter of Olympus, aren't you? That bag of yours had this," Akmon pulls out her laurel wreath and places it on top of his ugly hat. "We hadn't seen one in centuries!"

"Don't touch that!" She fumes.

"At least Hercules had a sense of humor!" Passalos makes a face. "He was going to kill us when we stole from him, but he let us go because he liked our jokes. Not like you. Grumpy, grumpy!"

"Hey, I've got a sense of humor," Leo says through gritted teeth. "Give me back our stuff, and I'll tell you a joke with a good punch line."

"Nice try!" Akmon pulls more stuff out of Leo's belt and beams. "Oh, very nice! I'm definitely keeping this! Thanks, Blue Bottom!"

Ara tries hard not to get distracted by Leo's underwear. These creatures have embarrassed and mocked them, and they're toying with them like... The Kerkopes have lured them to the statue, holding their stuff just out of reach so they are tempted enough to follow them closer. Her trickster senses tingle.

"That's it!" Leo's palms burst into flames. "My stuff. Now. Or I'll show you how funny a flaming dwarf is."

"Now we're talking," Jason summons a storm above the fountain.

"Step back!" She demands urgently.

"In a moment," Leo says without looking. "I'm cooking dinner first."

Ara glows teal, she pulls dirty-looking water from the rusty pipes and sweeps it under Leo and Jason's feet. Since Leo is closer to the water and his pants are around his ankles, he gets dragged out easily. Jason, however, is standing firmly in place and barely moves when the water hits him. 

Thin wires shoot down and trap him, lifting the boy upside down. Ara swears in ancient Greek, Percy would've summoned a larger amount of water in her place, but her blessing isn't strong enough for that.

"Bravo!" Akmon chortles from the café table. "You make a wonderful piñata, son of Jupiter!"

"Yes! Hercules hung us upside down once, you know. Oh, revenge is sweet!"

Leo gets up from the puddle of water and summons a new ball of fire in his palm, then throws it at the dwarves without warning. Passalos and Akmon yelp and narrowly avoid being toasted. The Archimedes sphere slips out of their grip and lands near Leo.

"Time to leave!" Akmon exclaims.

Passalos ponders whether to try and get the sphere but Leo ignites his palm again, glaring at the little guy with an enraged gaze Ara has never seen before. "Try me."

"Bye!" Passalos rushes out of sight.

Ara approaches Jason while Leo picks up the sphere and inspects it. The girl scans the wrappings tightly bounding Jason to place except for his right arm, still out and holding his sword.

"I'm sorry, I should've realized they were reeling us in—It's what Lily, Mike, and I used to do during Capture the Flag..."

"You saved me," Leo inches closer to the pedestal. "I sensed the trap too late. Hold on, Jason, if I can find a release switch—"

"Just go!" Jason urges them. "I'll follow you when I get out of this." 

"But—"

"Don't lose them!"

Ara looks at her compass, the needle pointing ahead to the path the Kerkopes followed. "Okay, let's get our stuff back..." Ara glances down at Leo's pants and her cheeks flush. "And a belt."

Ara and Leo aren't talking much, and their annoyance is palpable and uncomfortable. Usually, when one of them is upset, the other is ready to lighten up the mood, but the two of them angry means they're going to pull one another deeper into the pit until they fix what's bothering them.

"They're baiting us," Ara watches the dwarves climb a high tower. "Guiding us to a secluded area they most likely control. We need a plan or a way to catch them before they catch us."

Leo glares at the tower while holding the Archimedes sphere with one hand and his pants with the other. "Well, they have your plushie. And Piper's dagger. And my tool belt."

Ara makes a face. "They remind me of my kid self—Petty little criminals. We'll spur them on if they see us angry. We must trick them by doing the same thing they're doing to us—wiggle over their heads a shiny prize they can't ignore."

Leo looks over at a grocery store, his skin glows golden as he walks over to it. "I can work with that."

"What are we doing?" Ara follows him.

"We're making something shiny."

When they enter, Ara spots a flashy tourist struggling to read labels and she tilts her head towards Leo. "Be right back."

She approaches the man and snaps her fingers in front of him, talking in Italian. Ara messes with the mist and the guy starts talking in English and while he explains that he doesn't understand whether the contents of a can are carrots or mashed pumpkin, Ara leans closer and steals his stuff.

The girl solves his doubt and goes to find Leo with his arms already full of stuff. "Here," she takes the products and hands him a belt. "Pull up your pants, you're distracting me."

"Where did you get this?" Leo raises a brow.

"A guy," Ara replies vaguely. "He won't miss it."

"You stole it?" He asks in shock.

"I got his wallet and his watch too just in case."

"Ara!"

"He won't miss it!" She repeats. "Guy was wearing a Rolex, he can get over a stolen wallet! We need the dough—"

"I have money!"

"Oh." Ara pulls out the wallet from her pocket. "Okay, I'll hand this to the cashier, then. I'm keeping the Rolex, though."

"Thank the gods you know Italian," Leo says as they walk out. "What was she saying anyway?"

"She was asking what two kids like us were doing with all that—I told her it was a science project."

"And when you gave her the wallet?"

"She called me a nice girl and blessed me," Ara snorts. "I hope that doesn't count—"

Leo stops her before they can be visible from the tower. "You have enough blessings as it is, yeah, but saved my ass from getting locked in with Jason with one of them, so I don't mind it if you get more of those."

"My blessings aren't that strong, if I'm not fast bad things end up happening," she eyes him as he quickly gets to work. "I need to be better."

"Finding 300 euros in a guy's wallet can't be considered bad luck," he teases her.

"Shut up," she keeps an eye on the tower. "Build your toys, Valdez." 

Leo replies without looking up. "Fine. Just give me five minutes."

He finishes in exactly five minutes, and Ara runs out holding a couple of his creations. A brief examination helps her understand what he's made, and once again she's torn between awe and jealousy. It's hard to ignore her shortcomings in emergencies like this one.

As they reach the tower they realize it's not lax in security, there's a guy inside what appears to be a ticket booth yelling at them to stop and pay for entrance. Ara opens her mouth to reply but Leo finally loses his patience. 

"Seriously? Look, man, you've got dwarfs in your belfry. I'm the exterminator." He lifts his can of bug spray. "See? Exterminator Molto Buono. Squirt, squirt. Ahhh!" 

Ara watches him perform with a pained expression, then pulls out the 300 euros and slides them across the booth's desk. "Non ci hai visto."

The guy stares at the money in shock, takes it, and ushers them forward. "Avanti!"

"Grazie!" Ara pulls Leo along.

"See? Everything always works out in your favor," he smirks.

Ara looks up at the long flights of stairs and frowns. "You had to talk..."

"I thought you loved climbing?"

"Rocks, not stairs!" She pulls out Almighty and turns it into a grappling hook. "Hold onto me."

Leo balances his creations in one arm and holds her by the waist with the other. Ara shoots and the hook gets stuck somewhere at the top, then they're pulled upwards speedily. Both teens get to the top and Ara helps Leo climb the railing.

The Kerkopes toss the cards they were using to play and blow loud raspberries at her. "That's cheating!"

"I'm about to impale you with my sword, and that's your concern?" Ara scowls.

"You know what, doll? Let's just go," Leo glances at the Kerkopes. "And just so you know, you losers forgot something shiny."

"Impossible!" Akmon exclaims. "We were very thorough." 

"You sure?" Leo shows them the grocery bag. "Look."

Ara closes her eyes and even then she sees a bit of the blinding flashing through. The dwarves shriek and cover their faces, trying to find the exit, but Leo throws small firecrackers at their feet scaring them away from the windows.

The girl walks in while Leo tinkers with the Archimedes sphere and releases a thick fog, which she endures by tearing half the bottom of her shirt and using the fabric to cover her nose. Ara's skilled hands take the belt from Akmon's waist and toss it to Leo, then he tosses back bungee cords and she ties up the Kerkopes.

Ara stands up and crosses her arms. "Where is my Octopi?"

Leo drags the little guys to a corner and points near a window. "There!"

She searches through it anxiously and finds all her belongings there, except her gold wreath, that is on top of Katroptis. Leo helps her retrieve the rest of their stuff while the Kerkopes cry behind them.

"Please! Don't take our shinies!"

"We'll make you a deal! We'll cut you in for ten percent if you let us go!"

"Afraid not," Leo replies without turning. "It's all ours now."

Ara examines the treasure surrounding them, and her hands itch with interest. Lighting hits one of the windows and she jumps away cursing out loud. Jason enters right after. 

"Hey! A warning would be nice!" She scolds him.

"Man, you just wasted an awesome entrance," Leo whistles appreciatively.

 Jason frowns. "What the—"

"Mr Firecracker did that," Ara turns back to her search, picking up random stuff and tossing them over her shoulder right after.

"All by myself," Leo nods and winks at the blond boy. "I'm special that way. How did you find us?"

"Uh, the smoke," Jason points over his shoulder. "And I heard popping noises. Were you having a gunfight in here?"

"Something like that." Leo tosses Piper's dagger at him and continues to search.

Ara picks up an astrolabe and walks over to Leo to show it. "This looks interesting..."

"Take it!" Passalos exclaims. "Odysseus made it, you know! Take it and let us go."

"Odysseus?" Jason asks. "Like, the Odysseus?"

"Yes! Made it when he was an old man in Ithaca. One of his last inventions, and we stole it!"

"How does it work?" Leo questions.

"Oh, it doesn't," Akmon replies. "Something about a missing crystal?"

"'My biggest what-if,'" Passalos nods. "'Should've taken a crystal.' That's what he kept muttering in his sleep, the night we stole it. No idea what he meant. But the shiny is yours! Can we go now?"

She knows Oddysseus's story front to back, Lily and Mike used it to motivate her to get better, she knows what this astrolabe was most likely created for... and Leo is eyeing it with lots of interest. Ara thinks of Percy, staring longingly at a bright moonlace outside their bedroom window.

"Should we take it?" She asks hesitantly. "The Kerkopes would leave it to rust, but..."

Leo looks up waiting to hear the rest. "But?"

She stares at it scowling. "I don't know."

Shrugging, Leo puts it in the pocket of his tool belt. "But that can't be what Hecate wanted us to get from here, right?"

"That thing is not shiny," Ara points to a book next to Leo. "What's it doing here?" 

Leo lifts it and shows it to the Kerkopes. "Nothing!" Akmon squeaks. "Just a book. It had a pretty gold cover, so we took it from him."

"Him?" Leo raises a brow.

"Minor god," Passalos says vaguely. "In Venice. Really, it's nothing." 

"Sounds like something," Ara turns to the boys. "I think we should take it."

"Venice." Jason says. "Isn't that where we're supposed to go next?"

"Yeah." Leo examines the cover. "Good job, doll! Guess this is it... Where exactly can we find this minor god?"

"No! You can't take it back to him! If he finds out we stole it—"

"He'll destroy you," Jason shrugs. "Which is what we'll do if you don't tell us, and we're a lot closer."

"Okay, okay!" the dwarf squeals when Jason threatens him with his sword. "La Casa Nera! Calle Frezzeria!"

"Is that an address?" Leo asks her.

Ara nods. "Black House. Frezzeria street."

"Please don't tell him we stole it," Passalos pleads. "He isn't nice at all!"

"Who is he? What god?" Jason inquires.

"We can figure that out later," Ara picks up her stuff. "Time to go."

"What do we do with them?" Jason asks her. "Send them to Tartarus?"

"Please, no!" Akmon begs. "It might take us weeks to come back."

"Assuming Gaea even lets us! She controls the Doors of Death now. She'll be very cross with us."

Ara would like to send them away, but they'd be back fast and angrier, and if Gaea finds out what they did to the Argo II, she'll send them back with a crueler plan.

"We can't do that," she sighs. "It's not a good idea."

She wonders if this is her or Athena's blessing talking, either way, she knows she's right.

"Okay... so we let them here?"

"Nothing can slow them down," Leo muses deep in thought. "I wonder..." 

Ara and Jason turn to him and ask at the same time. "What?"

"I'll make you a deal." Leo approaches the Kerkopes.

"Thirty percent?"

"We'll leave you all your treasure," Leo points over his shoulder, "except the stuff that belongs to us, and the astrolabe, and this book, which we'll take back to the dude in Venice."

"But he'll destroy us!"

"We won't say where we got it," Leo assures them. "And we won't kill you. We'll let you go free."

"Uh, Leo...?" Jason starts, but Ara raises a hand to stop him.

"I knew you were as smart as Hercules!" Akmon says happily. "I will call you Black Bottom, the Sequel!"

"Yeah, no thanks," Leo brushes it aside. "But in return for us sparing your lives, you have to do something for us. I'm going to send you somewhere to steal from some people, harass them, make life hard for them any way you can. You have to follow my directions exactly. You have to swear on the River Styx."

"We swear! Stealing from people is our specialty!" 

"I love harassment! Where are we going?"

Leo smirks. "Ever heard of New York?"

Ara has no clue what she'd do if she didn't have Leo.

Next Chapter –>

Taglist.

@siriuslysirius1107 @ask-giggles1303 @asnyox-the-hoarder @im-planning-something-look @bandshirts-andbooks @coolninjapaper @thewaterlily @whenisthefall @1randomcomic @you-bloody-shank @sunflowergraves @owlalex44 @taylordaughter @typicalsolangelolover @writingmia @espressopatronum454 @slytherinnqueen @orbitingpolaris @obxstiles @ellipsisspelled @thepixiechicksh

[wickedlittleoz]

Hello hello! 🙌 Some time ago on blue bird app I saw someone talking about a royal guard Genji x a (what if) royal guard captain Hanzo and would like to give a penny for your thoughts on it? :3c I think the idea is fun and has lots of potential to develop but also potential to create plot holes if not careful 🏃

Thank you and have a nice day!

HEY THERE <3

sooooo i'm not sure if you wanted this to be like a list of headcanons but i got a little excited and wrote a little drabble lmao

I LOVE THIS IDEA!!! like i didn't enjoy questwatch as much as i thought i would tbh but including hanzo and shimadacest in the story just made it so interesting LOL

i think genji would give hanzo so much work just because he knows hanzo wouldn't punish him, it would be hilarious. and the shit genji and tracer would get up to, to queen emily and hanzo's dismay? blizz should've gone with that angle XDDD

anyway, little drabble coming up under the read more, and anon? thank you!!! hope you enjoy <3~

-

Hanzo is but a child when they meet

The King has a nasty habit of taking in unruly children whose parents can’t or won’t care for, and training them to be knights. Genji comes in a scoop of scrawny 8-year-olds about three years after Hanzo himself is handed over by his father, except that Genji’s parents don’t try to get rid of him like Hanzo’s dad did; no, Genji's father was a knight himself and died in the long running war, and his mother, or so the gossip goes, died of heartache upon hearing the news.

At this point Hanzo has made himself a bit of a top dog among the other kids. He’s only 12, but there’s already so many ugly feelings inside him that he pushes and pushes on the training grounds, until when he goes to bed at night he just blanks out. Wakes up the next day and does it all over again. The kids fear him; the knights who train them, love him.

So when Genji arrives full of toothy smiles and snarky responses, they clash. He gets under Hanzo’s skin fast and he enjoys doing it – revels in the looks of wonder the other kids save for him, because he’s the only one who stands up to Hanzo.

It takes less than a week for Hanzo to lash out at him during training. Adults have to step in and push them apart before he beats the younger boy to a pulp. He gets weeks of cleaning duties for punishment and hates Genji even more.

But time does its thing; they learn to get along if only to avoid problems. Hanzo finds that Genji is fun to be around and as they grow older, when he realizes that boys are more than just stinky and prone to fight, he sees beauty in Genji’s smile and a similar desire in the hands that search for him after nightfall.

Genji is his first kiss when he’s 17 and shaking with cold and anxiety.

But they’re not alone, that night. There’s a knight doing safety rounds and he sees them hidden in the forest. It’s nothing more than kissing, but he takes them in and punishment comes hard enough to drive them apart. Hanzo is made knight early and sent to war on the far eastern front; Genji stays to finish his training.

The war is long, merciless, horrifying. Hanzo learns that while boys might enjoy a little spar, men are more destructive than any monster he’s ever encountered. He’s forced to forget Genji because he knows he might never see him again; just hopes they can end this carnage before the younger man is sent to fight alongside him and either has to watch the other die.

Years later, when he returns victorious in spite of everything, one of the few survivors, the King is dead to old age and Queen Emily, a much more benevolent creature than her father, is ruling. Her hand is kind and her smile is easy, and she crowns Hanzo Royal Guard Captain for his merits in the war.

He doesn’t think he deserves it, but when he stands before the crowd and sees the proud joy in Genji’s eyes, he forgets all the horrors and all the time passed fades away, and they’re kids hiding in the woods to experiment love for the first time all over again.

They run off that night to that same place, and Genji tells him they were going to make me Captain if the war never ended when it did and Hanzo says he’s sorry, that he deserves it more than Hanzo does, and Genji laughs and tells him thank you, I didn’t want it, you were born for this.

Hanzo cries when they make love for the first time because he’d forgotten, for years and years, what good feelings were like.

It doesn’t take long for the word to spread out, that the Captain takes one of his knights to bed every night, that this was the whole reason they got separated in their youth. Queen Emily calls them to a private meeting one cold afternoon and Hanzo wants so bad to hold Genji’s hand, he’s terrified that they’ll never make it out of here alive, but they kneel before her with pride and resilience, and she sighs.

Before he died my father told me a story about the two of you, she says gravely. About why he arranged to send you away. It wasn’t because of your love… You should know my father, albeit harsh and strict, had no problem with men like you, or… Women like me.

The Queen seems to blush, bowing her head gently to glance at her own personal guard, a lively brunette who’s far too quick on her feet for anyone’s good, Hanzo has learned since his return.

And the soft tone of this conversation finally clicks. He chances a quick look in Genji’s direction and finds a knowing smirk.

However, she resumes a minute later, the truth is that… Well… Though you weren’t raised together, my father told me you two are actually related. It was a matter of forbidden love between your darling mother, Captain, and your heroic father, Knight Genji. Now, we have no way of knowing how much of this is true, but… You understand his reticence to allow a romantic relationship to bloom between you. Here I am no one to stop love when it’s so clearly written before my eyes. But I thought you deserved to know.

Her words fall flat at Hanzo’s feet; they might be half-brothers, he thinks, but as the Queen herself said, they weren’t raised as such. He feels no fraternal affection towards the man beside him. And life and war have thrown so many horrors towards him that he wants to grab the good and the love while he has them.

Genji as well doesn’t seem at all unnerved by the news. Instead, later that night when they retire to Hanzo’s sleeping quarters, he claims love to his big brother and laughs when Hanzo blushes, and things seem to be just fine.

So in the years that follow, the kingdom of Overland becomes a place where people like Hanzo, Genji, Queen Emily and Tracer, the knight, go to find peace and acceptance. They don’t start new wars and the knights fight to protect the Queen and the goodness that she sows. Hanzo still assists training squires and Genji becomes his right arm on the field.

And together, they’re unstoppable.