#she's like 'oh boy can't wait to get a mirror and see what my haircut looks like

[sergeantsporks]

Well, we know who gave Lilith that haircut now…

It was Eda!

[bludrogue]

A Random Headcanon About Jason Todd

I don't know why this one popped into my head, but this one specifically has been itching my mind. Even though this isn't canon, but it's a thought. Although, my timeline is a bit different for this one, so I'm not exactly going off comic book logic. And so, here's headcanon number #2

Headcanon #2: Hair

-- Aside from the white streak in his hair, Jason grew out his hair in the League of Assassins - but not by choice.

-- When Talia had found him and brought him to the base, she did cut his hair and assisted him with a basic bathing routine. (Afterall, in Jason's state due to a lack of cognitive function and the physical injuries he retained, taking one would not be so simple alone. Even if he had the distant thought of desiring privacy.)

-- However, after that, he never recieved a haircut again.

-- Even after Talia shoved him into the pit. Even after all the training. Even after learning to control the pit. For the entirety of the time he spent training, and killing, and learning, Talia never cut his hair again. Thus, forcing him to grow out his hair and eventually starting to reach his shoulders.

-- Jason had never had his hair this long in his lifetime. Not even when he lived in the rundown apartment that he lived with Catherine as a kid. If his hair got too long to his mom's liking, she'd sit him on their only good kitchen chair -- not the ones that were wobbly or threatening to collapse with a creak -- and sneak Willis' good shaver to keep his hair short. (Although, Willis always found out and Willis was never happy to find out his shit was used.)

-- When Catherine was succumbing to her addiction, Jason would trim the edges with kitchen scissors. Using candle light to assist him to see where he was cutting. His hair may have never been perfect, but at least it was short.

-- On the streets, he dragged those same kitchen scissors with him. Having long hair was dangerous and much easier for traffickers to nab you, gang members could take that for a weakness, and individuals who can't keep it in their pants might explore specific ideas.

-- And hair cuts became mandatory living with Bruce. He knew Bruce wanted a copy and paste of the clean-cut, child soldier look that he imprinted on boy wonder.

-- But his hair was always short, never long. And he hated how long his hair was getting.

-- Strands of hair would fall in front of his eyes and block his view when he was trying to shoot. Those he trained with could easily grab the ends and yank him down to the ground. His hair would get caught on an endless list of things.

-- Also, taking care of his hair was a fucking hassle. The knots, the washing routine, stupidly trying to style it, but never getting it right. Tying it up, leaving it down. Everything about it infuriated him.

-- But worst of all, it reminded him of Dick Grayson and his dumb mullet.

-- Often times, his mind would be infested with lingering questions, specifically pondering what advice Dick would give him if he was still 'around'. Would he offer specific conditioners? Would he have recommended he use a certain gel? (Considering Dick greased his hair back for the mullet look.) Would he have shown him a proper hair care routine?

-- Oh wait, Jason would remember. Dick didn't give a shit about him in the first place. Dick never liked his fucking replacement. Hell, he wasn't even at his fucking funeral and was probably celebrating his death. Then his brother bonding hope would die out in an instant, replaced by the induced fiery rage of the pit. (His bathroom mirror has taken the brunt and the shattered glass is enough proof.)

-- And it's not like Jason didn't want to cut his hair. He was tempted every day his hair tested his patience. He desperately wanted to take one of the prized swords and slice off the ends of his hair just to have it manageable.

-- But he couldn't.

-- He's positive Talia would punish him if she found out he had cut his hair.

-- And he would be dragged down memory lane every time he thought Talia would punish him. He would be reminded of the time when he was five and sobbing on their decent kitchen chair as Catherine shaved the sides of his head. He wasn't crying because he was getting a hair cut, but he knew Willis wouldn't be happy when he got home. He never was, and he thinks that's why Catherine hummed random tune while she did, to enjoy the peace before the storm.

-- But he vowed the day he got out of the League he was going to cut his hair.

-- And as soon as he was out, he did.

-- His first day free - well, as free as you can get from the League of Assassins - he bought a hair trimmer and told his long hair to get lost. And that tight knot in his chest from having hair so long finally released.

-- And he would keep cutting his hair short.

-- To remind himself during the mist of war between him and the bats, that he is not their child soldier.

-- To remind himself even when he released his aggression on to robin, he's not that boy anymore. That kid is buried six feet under the ground and never to resurface.

-- To remind himself, when the relationship between him and the bats are improving and there's more than just room for tolerance - although he'd never admit he actually fucking cares about them - he still cuts his hair to shed off the monstorous version of himself and disconnect himself from the pit.

-- Until one day, years into the future, he's lounging in his living room with Dick in an apartment he can finally call home when Dick points out, "Hey, your hair's getting long," with a grin.

-- And Jason picks up on one of the strands, staring at the slight curl. This time, there's no fueled disgust or fiery indignation towards the hair in front of him. Instead, there's serenity and this is just his hair. Another piece of him he'll learn to appreciate.

-- With a soft hum he says, "Yeah, it is."

-- And that's okay.

(And Dick totally gives him advice and an entire hair care routine to follow.)

I hope you guys enjoyed this one! I had fun writing this, but I'll definitely write more head canons and link them. Let me know if you want me to write out any head canons. :D

Here's the link to my other headcanons:

Headcanon #1

Head canon #3

[theseerasures]

notes on the owl house, season 1

was gonna do a sequence of liveblogs but then??? i got really into it??? so i guess the most important tl;dr is that yes lesbians you were right this time

S01E01

*watches first scene, where a single brown mother gives her kid a brochure for Conformity Camp with a cartoonish image of a child being crowded into a box, when her kid has already been established as being comically and cartoonishly imaginative, while a flock of doves fly into the air spelling out the words THIS IS A JOKE PLEASE DO NOT MAKE A DISCOURSE ABOUT THIS*

*pauses episode*

*gently and reverently rests finger on screen* a discourse happened here

i knew that Wendie Malick voices Eda before i started and thought i'd properly girded my loins and yet every time she opens her mouth i think she's gonna tell Luz she's punishing Luz for being alive

S01E03: gotta say i'm appreciative of this show's policy of "NO BOYS ALLOWED" unless the boys are the LITTLEST GUYS IN THE WORLD in which case "SON BOY ALLOWED"

S01E05

it's weird that the Adora in this show has Catra's haircut

wait

siSTER???

i guess kudos for subverting my expectations but between this and Frozen what is it with Disney properties courting the Incest Yay people

was the thought that since Eda and Lilith are Old(tm) it wouldn't happen this time because. uhhhhhh

i guess since Catradora was NebulaGamora you could argue Dana Terrace was just returning the trope to old familial roots??? bah i'm not gonna think about this anymore. Lilith def cursed Eda tho

spotted: Amity Blight and her best frenemy Luz Noceda dueling over the last open spot to the Magic Yale welcome luncheon!!!! xoxo GossipWitch

S01E07

not only does Amity have siblings her siblings are VEX AND VAX??? what is happening

Amity: you're a bully Luz!!!! i would know, because i call myself that in the mirror every morning!!!! not because i'm self aware though. it's to pump me up for another day of Bratz the Movie level shenanigans

wow this enemies-to-lovers is turning around fast. i was expecting Amity to at least girlboss if not gaslight but she barely got to gatekeep before being all "i guess :) we both learned something today :)"

yes Amity Luz accidentally hurting your precarious sense of self once is definitely the same as you tormenting Willow for years

S01E12

oh i've seen this Steven Universe episode.

*sees the monster* and so have the storyboarders

why is everyone so mean to Hooty :(

seriously tho i get having one person in the friend group that everyone inexplicably dislikes is a comedy standard or whatever but. it feels out of place for a show that otherwise bellows "it's great to be weird!!!" from the rooftops

Hooty never did nothing to nobody!!! except be all powerful and occasionally asking to be included in shenanigans

on the other hand given King's design they had to work REALLY hard for me to dislike him, but wow! it's definitely paid off, he's the worst

this is the third episode in a row where King's plot is that he has to learn a lesson about not being Disney-brand-selfish and i know this didn't happen but i'm suddenly imagining the world where he eventually takes over as the main character and The Owl House became Disney's answer to Teen Titans Go

S01E13: okay fine King reaching Todd Chavez levels of shenanigans in this episode was good. he can stay

S01E14: MAYBE THEY SHOULD CALL IT SHAPESHIFT LAND. BECAUSE IT'S A LAND WHERE YOU GO TO SHAPESHIFT

S01E15

can i just say that. naming a powerful-but-overlooked witch--who is the BFF to the main character, who thrives on both a) The Hubris and b) The Resentment--Willow is. well no harm in wearing your influence on your sleeve i guess

she does plant magic! it's not like they could have called her Glimmer

i can't believe Amity was made to end her friendship with Willow by CAITLIN GLASS'S SHADOW LAUGHING ON A WALL

*Amity pulls on Skara's invitation like she's gonna rip it apart* NO AMITY THAT'S AN ACTUAL BUTTERFLY

Amity: i'm not actually gonna rip it because it's a real butterfly, but you get the gesture, right?

me: ...fine. FINE

>:(

*watches Amity release the butterfly invitation as a symbol of overcoming her past self* wow. trans Amity confirmed

all the Blight kids are trans actually the twins transed and nobody even made a fuss bc their parents are terrible and Amity is a fourteen year old with youngest most specialest child syndrome

S01E16

Amity: i can't fight my worst fear because it's SO EMBARASSING

me: Amity if it's the one where you fail a test and then your mother shows up and calls you fat i guarantee everyone in school has already guessed

i guess we're just getting everybody's mommy issues huh

Luz's greatest flaw is how hard she commits to the bit, truly the ADHD representation we need

like it has literally not occurred to her that she could change course with what to tell Camila at any time. she chose her path and it's the only one for her now forever

oh Amity's greatest fear isn't even the obvious mom thing!! it's that Luz might turn her down!!! that's so fucking stupid Amity never ever change

S01E17

the recurring potshots at JoRane's intellectual property this season sure are.

this was produced and came out during the years she went public about losing her fucking mind, so like. everyone had to deal with it in the way they felt was appropriate. i'm not really out to judge the exact timbre of one's response so long as said response does not align with her bigotry, and i sympathize with the petty joy of belittling something owned by somone hateful, especially if that something once meant a lot to you...

i guess i'm just not super comfortable with it because a) you're still picking at a wound even if you end up making funny shapes out of the scabs, b) these hot takes are about general magic-school tropes but often are so specifically about her it feels like we're giving her credit for creating them, and c) owning her like this feels like an opiate when the real issue isn't that her fictional society is founded on 11 year olds taking one uquiz, or that the fake sport she made up is hideously unbalanced, it's that she's...the leader of hate group

all of which are misgivings i have about the Disney Corporation as well and i get that people don't watch this show to be REMINDED that we live in a society, so like. whatever i'm gonna stop talking about this

that Amity sure is gay amirite! she went from "mostly bormal about her obvious crush" to "Jodie Foster at the Golden Globes" in the span of one episode

S01E18

wow!!! Hooty saved everyone's bacon by being all-powerful. thank you Hooty sorry your squatters just take you for granted

oh hey Hordak

the fact that Willow and Gus immediately figured out what Luz was up to because of the helpful diagrams she drew for her non-plan is just so. i'm love them, actually

LILITH??? cursed Eda???? what an unexpected turn of events

okay yes Eda sacrificing her soul to her chronic illness for Luz provoked some genuine emotion from my flinty irreverent heart

it was just the emotional climax of Brave with a Last Agni Kai color scheme but hey i cry during the emotional climax of Brave, so

S01E19

is King...not sad his momowner is about to die??? i get that Luz is the focus here but it's weird that he's not even a little bit distraught

um

Lilith

oh my god what

what????

you really think someone would do that??? just ESTABLISH A FASCIST STATE AND TELL LIES????

Lilith how the fuck did you become the head of the secret police when you're like THIS

MINDWIPED WILLOW HAD MORE DEDUCTIVE SKILLS, LILITH

i thought there'd be SOME fascist ideology buy-in like cursing Eda made her scared of Power without Discipline or something but she's...only here??? because this one thing Hordak said he'd do???? HE DIDN'T EVEN PINKIE SWEAR LILITH

like yes yes i know. "cop older sister fails upwards and yikes her way into defending her genocidal boss" I KNOW the only way she could be more my type is if she had dyed her hair white, but i can't pay attention to any of that bc i'm too distracted by the logic-defying stupidity

Lilith when you ditched your glasses for your Goth makeover did you just. never get contacts??? because the only reason i can think of for even you blithely sailing past every red flag is that you were literally too blind to see them

i just

i can't believe i thought Winter Schnee was the purest encapsulation of "in my defense your honor i really am the dumbest bitch alive" when Lilith was there all along

i guess her existence is a powerful statement that MILFs can be morons too

*Luz confronting Lilith and displaying a level of anger that's probably supposed to be unsettling* oh my god Luz YES GET HER PUT HER OUT OF HER FUCKING MISERY

Lilith: i just don't understand why even after i've restrained and assaulted them no one believes i just want to have a civil conversation :(

tHIRTY YEARS????

like yes okay i'm sure there are some profound implications here we can draw about grooming and abuse and sunk cost fallacies but i just

Lilith: i was on the fence about cursing my sister, but when i asked for the Emperor's advice he said "god forbid women do anything."

Luz:

Lilith: i'm realizing now that was bad advice. and that he probably meant it in a different, even worse way than how i interpreted it.

but don't worry gang! her solution to fixing all the evil she's been complicit in is to...uh, continue being complicit in the evils! it's the best way to ensure that the incredibly specific scenario that befell Eda and herself will never!!! happen!!! again!!!

quick Lilith, Hordak just ensnared you in tentacles! this is a perfect opportunity for you to show exactly how you're going to prevent "~this" from ever happening ag--oh she's gone

Eda, finding out Lilith didn't actually mean to curse her forever and this was all her sister's incredibly weird way to make amends: what kind of fucking mORON--wait actually this makes perfect sense

Eda honey obviously i love you for trying to shield your sister and petson from petrification but i don't think Lilith noticed you did that

given the established buffer speed of her brain i'm not sure she's even put together that the owlbeast and her sister are the same person

okay okay i'll move on

:') Luz you brave darling sunflower you've never done anything wrong ever in your life and i'm glad you committing to the bit saved the day, even if it came at such a high price

not sure you'll be taking home the coveted gold for Committing to the Bit tho, now that your witch-aunt has revealed herself as the undisputed champion of Blindly Committing to the Bit for the thirtieth consecutive ye--OKAY YES WE'RE NOT BEATING THIS DEAD HORSE ANYMORE

because i do want to take this show seriously, and nothing demonstrates "i'm gonna take responsibility for my own actions now" better than using your literal body to bear some of the harm you inflicted on others. it's a very nice way to bring their relationship full circle, and it resonates with other instances when characters are forced to stop defining themselves by outside standards and embrace what they're already good at.

(and what Lilith is good at is soothing the pain of others via self-harm! which i think is the point the Helen's-Type-Generator starts emitting confetti and oily black smoke)

is this the first instance of magic having a cost or rebound in this world? beyond "whew i did a lot of magic today, i'm tired?" hm

Dana Terrace really went "i'm gonna give the whump enthusiasts everything they want" with this trope huh

Going Forward

yes i liked it yes i know the second season is more heavily serialized yes i will watch that soon

this did make me think about how all seriality in TV these days seem to be about building up to one series-wide showdown as opposed to different seasons having their own mytharcs, but that has less to do with this show specific and more with the death of television as a medium and we ain't got time for that

given how much my exposure to this show beforehand was Lumity (to the point where i wasn't sure there were other characters besides Eda) i'm...kinda surprised at how sparse Amity's presence was in this season. i liked what we did see of her, but i went in expecting a lot more antagonism for a lot longer in that dynamic

but i guess that's tied in with this season not having much in the way of antagonism until the very end, and not-Hordak seems to be the only one actually invested in his whole world order. we don't have any sympathetic true believers, which I assumed would be Lilith and/or Amity? i guess neither Shadow Weaver nor Catra really gave a shit about the Horde's ideology either, but Shadow Weaver remained an unrepentant ball of spite until the end and it didn't really matter that Catra didn't give a shit about the Horde because the Horde was the only thing she knew. in contrast Amity and Lilith's ties to the existing system feel very shallow--in the latter case so much so it kind of boggles my willing suspension of disbelief?

i suppose the next season can change that, i know new characters get introduced so--

oh wait is that what's gonna happen to the bad sad twink

i've only seen his armor but given how many AO3 fics seem to be about him i'm just gonna assume that he's a bad sad twink

wait can i call someone a twink when he's probably in his early teens like the rest of the cast?

is there discourse about this i hope not

don't make me break out the flock of doves

[casiavium]

cut my hair short like I've wanted to for years and instead of the gender euphoria I thought I'd have I'm sitting in the dark, sobbing in my room. So I'm just going to ramble my thoughts

I love my haircut. I've wanted this haircut since I was 12, before probably, when I saw Thalia Grace join the Hunters of Artemis and forsake men. (At the time the idea that hunter/hunter relationships could happen was something I clung onto so bad, and I still do. Mythology backs me up, RR) It took me nearly 10 years to actually get someone to cut it for me. It's always been a struggle of oh we can't go too short :) you'll look like a boy :) :) I don't regret getting my haircut. I love it so much, it feels nice.

But it doesn't feel the way I thought it would.

I had long pinkish brown hair before this summer (dyed it pink without bleaching, let it fade) I cut it off in May, but again the stylist who was so nice and so sweet and my sister's friend's mother left it a little too long so I could still style it. So I could still look like a girl. With my "they/them is plural" and "why are there so many trans/gay kids in this tiny rural county" mother in the room (until I yelled at her in the car once because singular they is grammatically correct and is used in every day life, and she's smart enough to know that. she did agree with me then, at least) I couldn't ask for shorter.

They were gossiping about the ballet studio I used to dance at. I never fit in with those girls. I never looked pretty or was flexible or danced very well. I felt my best dancing my senior year as the Beast/Prince in Beauty and the Beast when we had no guys at the studio, but I was so jealous of all the rest of them in pretty tutus and pointe shoes I had paid so much time and blood and money for that I never got to dance in.

It's been four years since then. I still mourn who I could have been, who I can never be again because my body stopped working that way. As if my chronic illness is what's keeping me from being one of them, not everything else.

I don't know what snapped in me that I wanted to finally cut my hair now. I bleached it the night before, and it came out surprisingly well. Bleach blond(e), but the semi permanent pink had been soaked into my hair so long that even with the bleach, it turned pink in places. It turned a beautiful, feminine, ballet slipper pink that I couldn't have gotten if I tried. I was going to dye the rest of it pink again, this time on bleached hair so it would be more vibrant. Mostly bleach blond(e), though.

And yet, after washing away the chemicals that hurt my lungs and burnt my skin, it wasn't what I wanted. I joked that it looked like Draco Malfoy, but really, it scared me. I looked into the mirror that night and I didn't see a girl. I saw a boy, the kind of boy I very much did not want to be. The kind of boy that scared me and hurt me and bullied me in high school without even really knowing or caring that I existed. The kind of boy that all my straight and bi friends would date and get abused by and his impact on their lives still comes in the form of therapy appointments and fucks up their current relationships.

I looked into the mirror and knew I didn't want to be a boy, ever, and I never want people to think of me as a boy.

Expect for that person that called me he/him in a Link cosplay. Or the little kids from the dance studio that only knew me as the prince from beauty and the beast.

It's like, if people see me as a boy without hesitation, that's cool. But if they look at me and think they know I'm trans, that's what I don't want. It's like, they don't see a boy if they see that. They see a girl who hates herself and being a girl so much she's masquerading as someone she's not, and she's not doing it well. I've seen the way they interact with my friends, the oops sorry he's and the let's go guys—wait, can I even say that anymore? They see me as a boy in a girl way, but not in the fun genderqueer fuckery kind of way, but with cisgender sorrow and pity.

I'm not a boy. I want to be a girl. I want to be a girl, but some part of me knows I'm not. I just want to be a girl and I want to love other girls and I don't want to deal with the inherent not-girlness that modern lesbianism has forced upon itself, that's always been there and never been there, I don't want to go into my lesbian literature class anymore because now I'm not just another gay girl in a lesbian English lit class, I'm a ??? and my identities will be questioned by people who have no answers either. I'll tell them I'm a girl, and they'll give me a look like "okay 😏 but when you start falling down the she/her to she/they... to he/him pipeline I'm going to say I told you so with so much condescendence any joy I have for making you 'one of us' is going to feel worthless".

I hate my haircut. I miss my long hair. I want a boyfriend I can brag about choosing despite all the pretty girls in the world. I want to fit in with the girls who I went out to bars with once, who I went to pride with but felt like the token obvious queer so they could validate their own place on the sidelines of the parade while their perfect boyfriends texted them I love yous. I don't want to be their toy model so they can use me to carve out a place in a community they already belong in, when I'm still too scared to hold my girlfriend's hand but I'm fine wearing a flag that I don't even know if it's "problematic" because someone will always find something wrong with me being a girl with a girlfriend, even among people who say they're just like me.

If I'm even a girl (and if my gf is even a girl, which is a whole other issue I've only heard the beginning of)

I love my haircut, because people are going to look at me and think I'm hot now. I stand out. I draw attention. I'm on the exec board of three clubs, I have positions of power and will stand out even more. I'll be recognizable and unforgettable. As I end the so called "trial period" and am getting ready to be a "real adult", I want one last chance before I blend into the real world never to be seen again. I love and hate my haircut because of how other people will see me now.

I had always wanted to cut it for myself. So I thought.

I love my haircut, but people are going to look at me and ask for my pronouns in a way they never did when I had long hair. When I actually felt more attached to being non-binary, when I felt less like a girl. I feel more like a girl than I ever have, and now no one is going to believe me.

[dreaminpeaches]

New Paracosm Au: Mirror Me

This AU is set after the events of Humble Pie, Beau has his hair cut, and he's starting to see Stye less and less, but during a breakdown that led him to run away from home (this is during the last events of Humble Pie), sick of looking at himself, he broke the standing mirror in his room. Now, with a chiller mindset, Beau realized what he did was stupid and decides to get a new mirror. At the same time, Hero! Beau, whom I'll call Flashbang in this to avoid confusion, also broke his mirror, while practicing fighting moves in his room, oof!

Both go out and get to new mirrors, not wanting to spend too much on a mirror they go to a thrift store (great minds think alike), they end up buying the same exact mirrors in their respective world (but unbeknownst them).

Nothing seems weird about the mirror at first, once they set it up in their rooms, but both boys start to hear each other faintly, at first Beau thinks Stye is coming back and panics a little, while Flashbang thinks its just an echo or something cuz he's dumb.

One day, both boys realized the voice is coming from the mirror which brings them both closer and closer to it until they end up staring straight at each other.

They do the whole mirroring movements thing until Flashbang takes it too far by doing dumb poses where Beau is like "yeah I'm not doing that." and refuses to play along.

Beau is weirded out at first, while Flashbang is only weirded out for a sec but then gets REALLY excited...

"AW, MAN I KNEW I ALWAYS HAD A CLONE!" Flashbang said excitedly "The BEST heroes always do, Now, I'm up there with Superman, Spiderman, Snake and SONIC!"

"Oh...okay....my reflection is talking back to me" Beau said "Ugh, I thought all this crazy seeing stuff shit would end once I went to therapy.."

"Hmm...you seem a bit grumpy" Flashbang said " You're like the Bizarro to my Superman, WAIT NO, the shadow to my sonic, cuz' you're giving me major grumpy vibes right now.."

The hand that was placed on Beau's face quickly formed into a fist but was swiftly restrained by his other hand, his fist shook as he tried to keep his cool and let out a huff

"Don't break the mirror again....you JUST brought it.." Beau whispered to himself, in an effort to keep his cool.

"Hmm...yeah definitely a Shadow" Flashbang said "Maybe we can team up together and...w-why are you hitting yourself"

"Oh, nothing, maybe if I hit myself a few times I would wake up from this weird dream, but NOPE turns out this is my reality now...great!"

"Well, if you wanna fight maybe we could fight to see who's the faker, 'cuz its definitely not me!" Flashbang said proudly "Come on, show me what you got, FAKER!"

"Where's the off switch on this thing?" Beau said looking around the mirror for a way to shut up his overzealous counterpart.

While the two don't start off on the right foot, they slowly start to talk to each other more and more, since they're the only ones who can see each other in the mirror (while everyone else just sees a normal mirror). The two find out they have a lot more in common than just sharing the same face and haircut.

There are times where they can look into each other's room while the other isn't there, and sometimes Flashbang will see Beau's mother cleaning his room or something, he ends up looking at the mirror long and hard during those times since Beau's mom looks a lot like his own, he'll try to talk to her but she can't hear him.

Flashbang will often ask Beau about his mom, or even ask Beau to have his mom look into the mirror for a bit just so he can look at her up close..

There is one part where the boys figure out they can swap places using the mirror, and Flashbang takes that opportunity to spend time with Beau's mom as if his own mom was alive again. Of course, Beau spends that time learning how to be a superhero and to tame his newfound powers (not an even trade-off, if you ask me).

Beau's mom takes notice that her son's accent seems to be gone, and those moments Flashbang tries to mimic the accent but fails, and just brushes it off. Hero! Dev takes notice of how his brother seems clumsier than usual with his hero duties, but he just tells him that he drank too much.

They switch back to their own worlds once they had enough/get homesick , of course, but they do switch out from time to time, at least for Flashbang's sake

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[kunt-dracula]

Everybody Loves A Clown

Supernatural Rewrite.

OC, Sam, Dean

TW: Cursing...that's about it.🤣

I pull my leather jacket on as I bound down the staircase, denѕe boots thumping against the old wood. I call out to Sam—repeating his name when I receive no response. He must be out in the yard with his brother.

I make my way into the kitchen upon hearing clinking plates.

"Sam outside?"

Bobby doesn't look up from his aggressive scrubbing of a cast iron pan. "Nope. He and Dean left."

I raise my brows. Hm. Guess they caught wind of another case. Hey, if it means I don't have to drag them along with me on mine, I'm not complaining at all.

Without asking any further questions, I hoist my backpack further on my shoulder "Well, guess I'll see Ellen and Jo by myself."

"And while you're there tell those boys that the next time they eat here they gotta wash the dishes. At least then they wouldn't be completely freeloading."

I twist my body back to Bobby. "I thought you said they left?"

Bobby shuts off the faucet. "They did leave. They went to the Roadhouse."

"What!? Dammit, I told them to wait!"

Instantly becoming angry I spin on my heels and rush to the door, swinging it open. I hear Bobby yell something behind me, but I can't hear him over my feet stomping against the gravel in addition to my heavy breathing.

I yank the other strap of my backpack on the other arm, securing it. Since the case was in-state, I decided on riding my bike.

I throw my leg over the pillion of my 2005 Triumph Rocket III and drop my weight onto it. Keeping it up is pricey; hell the bike itself is expensive, but I managed to do both for free.

-

How I got this piece was I took it from the leader of this werewolf biker gang. After I killed him and a few of his goons, I looted them for some things. They were too nice to go to waste. The dead gang members didn't have much honestly. There were three of them—with the exception of the leader— and I only got a little less than three hundred bucks. But the leader...oh man, a holy grail.

I couldn't boost the fairly nice house from him. But not only did I get this motorcycle off him, but I also got this badass 2005 Dodge Ram 1500—as well as some nice jewelry. I could tell it wasn't his, so I instantly concluded that he had done some stealing himself. Not being aware of who the owner was I pawned the jewelry off under a false alias and got a few stacks for it.

Shoving my right foot against the kick-start lever—undoubtedly using more than likely with more force than necessary—the bike roars to life. Fairly new motor purring loudly, vibrating vigorously between my thighs.

I snatch my helmet off the front of the bike—almost forgetting to put it on—pushing my head into it. I kick up the kickstand with the heel of my boot, and peel through the yard, leaving a trailing cloud of dust behind me.

*12 MINUTES LATER*

Upon turning into the parking lot, I spot the beat-up, poorly maintained minivan I gave Sam the keys to earlier this morning. It was the only functioning car Bobby had. It was bad off, but I had fixed it up to where it'd get you where you needed to be.

Haphazardly parking my bike, I shut off the engine and remove my helmet—hanging it from the right handle. 

The wood groans under my weight as I ascend the few steps to the paint chipped door. I push it open, only a fraction surprised at what I see.

Jo was holding a rifle on Dean, who was holding his nose, and Ellen had a handgun pointed at Sam.

"See this is why I told you to wait." I couldn't help but sound 'matter-of-fact.' Hell I told them, but they didn't listen, and I knew how Ellen and Jo were with strangers showing up unannounced.

Four pairs of eyes instantly snap to me. "Hi Ellen," I nod "Jo."

"Hey sweetie, don't mind us, just some guys wandered in, looking to score probably." Ellen narrows her eyes at Sam who was looking back and forth between the 9mm pointed at his face and me, a pleading look in his eyes.

I shrug my bag off, setting it on the table. "They didn't come to steal. I know them. They're Sam and Dean, or dumb and dumber—which is quickly becoming a good replacement."

"Sam and Dean? Winchester?" Her face softens. I nod, confirming.

"Son of a bitch." She mutters.

"Mom, you know these guys?" Jo asks.

"Yeah, I think these are John Winchester's boys." She lets out a laugh, lowering the gun. Jo slowly does the same. "Hey, I'm Ellen. This is my daughter Jo." She gives Dean a smile.

"You're not gonna hit me again, are you?" Dean questions, nasally. She fills a hand towel with ice and offers it to Dean, without saying a word.

"Bobby called said you had a case for me. You needed help with something?"

"Yeah," she leans an elbow against the bar. "Demon. Heard he was closing in on it."

"He? He who?"

"John Winchester. I actually called you when he didn't return my calls."

"Ah. I see." Aware of where she kept files, I rounded the bar and slid the file cabinet drawer open. Flicking through the row of folders until I found what I needed. I open the Manila folder and frown. A lot of the writing from these newspaper articles are small. And I don't have my reading glasses. My vision is really good when pin pointing objects or when something's out of place but if it's words? Sometimes I catch hell. Glancing over at the drying rack an idea pops into my mind, and I lift a small shot glass from the rack.

"What, was there an article in the Demon Hunters Quarterly that I missed? I mean, who are you? How do you know about all this?" Dean demanded.

I slam the drawer closed with my hip. "The same way you do, genius. She's not new to the world of hunters." I circle my way back from behind the bar. I'm rewarded a dirty look from the man.

"I just run a saloon. But hunters have been known to pass through now and again. Including your dad, a long time ago. John was like family once." Her lips curl up into a small smile as she reminisces.

"Oh yeah? How come he never mentioned you before?" Dean questioned, skeptical. Ellen's response was a mere shrug. "So why exactly do we need your help?"

"What's with mister moody over there?" I glance up from the open folder in my hand to see Jo slinking to stand next to me. She mirrors my position of leaning back against the hard wood of the bar.

"Their dad got off'd by a demon a few days ago," I whisper back, my eyes falling back on the newspaper article. "I'm not sure they know it was a demon though. Dude reeked of sulfur, but I'm pretty sure I was the only one that could smell it." I run the glass, rim-down across the page, the words becoming magnified.

"Have you told them about your 'abilities'?"

"Hell no! I barely know them. The only reason I'm around them is that Bobby wants me to. The old geezer's suddenly scared something's gonna happen to me."

"Well, you are like his daughter Essie." God, I hated when she called me that. "From what you've told me, he doesn't have anyone except you." I huff. I'm getting lectures left and right.

"Ash!" Me and Jo can't help but jump at Ellen's abrupt shout. Ash, who was asleep on the pool table jerks up with a start. Honestly, I'm not surprised I didn't notice him before. I've been coming here for years, and I'm so accustomed to seeing him drunkenly sprawled out, I just consider him furniture. "What? It closing time?" He grumbles, looking around in a daze.

"That's Ash?" Sam questions in disbelief.

"Yep." I walk past him, plucking the thick folder from its spot on the table in front of him before he has time to react.

"He's a genius." Jo smiles, pushing off the bar and walking behind it. I snicker.

"No," I grab the glass of water from the bar and saunter over to where he was. "These guys and I need your help with some info." I slide the water to him, and he looks up at me, his lips spread in a lazy smile. Here it comes.

"Well for you I'll help any way I can, Darlin'." As always, his eyes almost instantaneously fall to my breast. He goes to lean an elbow on the table but, misses and begins to fall until I grab his forearm--steadying him. "See I'm fallin' for you." I can't help but break into a smile at his cheesy flirting.

"Stop flirtin' with Essence and read the damn notes." Ellen scolds, but it's obvious she's amused as well.

"You've gotta be kidding me, this guy's no genius. He's a Lynyrd Skynyrd roadie." Dean states.

Ash smiled. "I like you."

"Don't doubt him." I did the same when I first met him, and he shocked the hell outta me. "Just give him a chance." I add.

"Alright. This is about a year's worth of our dad's work, so uh, let's see what you make of it." Dean watches as Ash opens the folder and skims through it.

"Come on, this crap ain't real. There ain't nobody that can track a demon like this." Ash scoffs.

"Apparently so, their dad seemed to be able to do it." I shrug.

"There are non-parametric, statistical overviews, prospects, and correlations, I mean, damn!" He wheezes.

"These are omens." A piece of paper catches my eye, I drag my fingers across the lines.

"Basically if you can track these, you won't have much of a problem tracking the demon behind it." I glance up at the boys to see a mixture of both impressed and confused expressions. 

"Yeah." Ash nods in agreement. "You know like, crop failures, electrical storms...You ever been struck by lightning? It ain't fun." he trails off, picking up another sheet.

"Can you track it or not?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, with this, I think so. But it's gonna take time, uh, give me," he ponders briefly. "Fifty-one hours." He stands to leave.

"Hey, man?" Dean stops him.

"Yeah." He turns to face us again.

"I, uh, dig the haircut."

"All business up front, party in the back." I chuckle as he flips his hair and shrugs before leaving the room.

"Hey, Ellen, what's that?" Ellen looks back at the space behind her before looking back at Sam.

"Well, that's Essie's police scanner she left here a year ago and never took it back." I scrunch my face.

"Hey now, first of all, I left it because I got a new one. Secondly, I left it so you could be more aware of what's going on and keep tabs on things."

With Ellen's folder still in my hand, I move over to the bar and slide on the stool next to Sam. "Hey, look at this, " I open the folder and place the first few pages of the article between us. I could see that in big red marker it had written on it:

COUPLE MURDERED

CHILD LEFT ALIVE

MEDFORD, WISC.

"Read over this again. I already did but, I don't have my reading glasses, so my vision is fucked up when It comes to words. You might see something I missed." He nods and grabs the sheets.

I fixate myself with something I have no problem seeing clearly. Photos of the victims, their information, etc.

The bar was all-around quiet. Except for Dean and Jo who were having an indistinct conversation on the farther side of the room, next to the windows.

"So uh," Sam starts. "How have you been. Its been what... five or six years since we last saw each other?" He asks with humor.

"Seven actually," I respond dryly, not lifting my eyes from the photos. "We were freshmen." I flip one and move to the next. "As for me, I've been fine. Grown accustomed to being alone." I murmur adding a shrug, more than likely to keep from visibly cringing at the statement I had unintentionally let slip from my lips. I could hope he hadn't heard me, but I already know he has by the way he's looking at me. Although I've still failed to make eye contact with the guy I can still feel his eyes staring at the side of my face.

"Dean," I call him over, not quite because I wanted too but, I needed to change the subject before it progressed any further. "Come take a look at this." At this statement, Sam leans closer to me, and Dean stands next to me, leaning his body against the bar. I frown at the uncomfortable closeness. "Too fucking close." I shake my head. They both mumble a 'sorry' and put some distance between them and me.

I roll my eyes. "A few murders not far from here Ellen caught wind of. And with my expertise, this damn sure looks like a hunt."

"Since when are you an 'expert' in hunting?" I turn my head towards the eldest and shoot him a harsh glare, before shifting my expression into one of smugness. "Since I saved your tight ass—not once but twice since we met less than a month ago." I slide off the stool and brush past him to the table I left my bag on, but not before gauging the look on his face. I can tell Dean's taken aback by my response at the way his brows furrow deeply. He clears his throat, crossing his arms. "So what's your point?"

"My point, Sweetcheeks, is that we're taking the case." I stuff the folder in my bag and pull out my Mossberg 500 12 Gauge Shotgun. Although I had intended on riding my bike to—what I thought was a nearby town in South Dakota but is actually a town in Wisconsin, I should go and swap out for my truck. Another good reason is the center of what's going on isn't really familiar to me at first mention, so who knows what and how many of it am I going to need to take it out.

"No, absolutely not." He protests. "You're not tagging along with us. Give me the folder." With my instincts, I hear his heavy feet approach me, and I turn, gun in hand. I grip the pump and flick my wrist harshly, gun clicking as it cocks. He immediately stops in his tracks.

"You really wanna try taking it from me?" I tilt my head. He's highly annoyed but shakes his head regardless. "Smart boy." I smile and the bag over my shoulder, shotgun still in my right clutch.

"Now come on," I pat his stubbled face with my hand and walk past him yet again. "Got a lot of work to do."