#she's grown SO much from the first game it actually makes me really emotional

[boltcreature]

The amount of love I have for Atelier Ryza 2: Lost Legends & the Secret Fairy is almost hard to express but it was a right game for the right time and now its an all time favourite! I love Ryza SO much. I'm sure I'll talk more about it someday.

[lolamarlowe65]

Slash x reader

“𝓜𝔂 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓷𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓷 𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓶𝓮, 𝓶𝔂 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓲𝓽𝔂 𝓭𝓸𝓾𝓫𝓵𝓮.”

“She can take my soul for the record, I don’t give a shit.”

one shot x reader

disclaimers : age gap (modern day slash), smut, thigh riding, unprotected sex, overstimulation, slash’s feral internal dialogue, cursing, smoking, rough stuff, grown girls stuff <33

4.6k words

AO3 link

iii];)’ .・• ✰ ⋆

y/n pov

I started to work as a staff member for Guns n’Roses a few months ago. Everything is great as fuck. The music, the job, the mood all around the band. In overall, everything is going well. My relationships with the band members were super friendly and they made me feel quickly as if I was part of the gang. But there is one thing. One person. Him. Slash. The moment I started my job here he immediately started teasing me. Nothing big. He tells me how much of a weird chick I am, he gives me smug smiles anytime he sees me as a way of saying “here comes the freak”. It has never felt as if he hates me or anything, it just amuses him to see me rolling my eyes to his puns. When I first discovered Slash, I admit that I developed a crush on him, you know the “rockstar crush”. I didn’t start to work here for that, but seeing him almost everyday was definitely a plus, well, if he didn’t drive me crazy with his provocations. It is a plus, yes, but I actually never thought of trying anything with him. I am a younger chick in whom he’d see no interest, apart from a way of having fun. I wouldn’t mind but that would be too complicated to manage with this job. Honestly, most of the time, his jokes make me laugh. I look at him with a pissed off grin and say “haha” or I stick out my tongue. It became a game between us. To the words of Duff “leave the girl alone man”. Apparently, Slash doesn’t listen to his best friend’s advice because he never stops. If we weren’t so different or if I knew him a little better I would say he’s flirting with me. “What a weird chick you are.” sounds like a love declaration coming from a man with such an attraction for creepy stuff. I do think about it as flirting sometimes. Mostly the days when I'm not in the mood for his jokes I imagine he’s flirting with me, helps me to not actually kill him. Being with a man like him wouldn’t bother me, actually, I would love it. He isn’t only hot and cool. He is interesting, passionate, peaceful but wild and genuinely beautiful. Beautiful on the inside and on the outside.

I am a person that’s pretty impulsive. When I feel frustrated, I will go for it, even if it means breaking my own promises. I try to hold myself back, but I have no desire to be perfect. I smoke, I have a high body count, anger issues, I keep doing the same shits over and over again and failing. But I also have skills that I don’t hide, I am strong minded and the way I see it : it has never really helped me with my relationships to people. Especially men. Labeling me “weird chick” is not original Saul. I’m sure most women are like me. But the world doesn’t see it I guess.

Today, I am not in the mood. We’ve got some problems with the gears, the venue isn’t ready and my hormones are working on me. Everything in me is boiling, every emotion. I can manage my emotions and impulses, hormones are not an excuse to be an asshole. But in this type of job, you have to take a lot of shit from people you don’t like so the band themselves don’t have to. Granted, they had to confront them in order to make their band what it is today but man, this isn’t easy. So, as for today, frustration will be my motto. One person pisses me off, I will send them to their grave.

As if it wasn’t enough, we’ve asked me to bring some guitar gear in Slash’s backstage room. I have purposely avoided him since the start of my shift, which is not easy when you are working for him. So far it seems to work, changing hallways last minute, not going to the crowded places and most importantly, his backstage room. From the glimpses of him I saw thorough the day I could tell you how beautiful he looked. He always does, but today it’s working on me. Which is frustrating me even more because I want to see him as much as I want to avoid him. His style didn’t change much from any other day, the sunglasses, the leather jacket, the hat and one of those shirts he has the secret of. It’s just that today is a day where my mind said fuck off to any type of morals I may try to have and I have to manage it as best as I can.

Before going into his backstage room, I made sure he wasn’t around. As I enter the room and leave his gear I can’t help but stop in front of the mirror before heading out. I contemplate my reflection, my eyes lingering over my body. The sadder part with those days is that I feel like I can’t and will never be understood or loved. This doesn’t bother me the majority of the time because it’s probably true and I have made peace with it a long time ago. My emotions are on the verge on days like those, so I let myself grief this fact. I wouldn’t say I look beautiful. I wouldn’t say I am satisfied with my life right now. Even if it is going slowly in the right direction. I let out a tear thinking of all this and whip it away quickly.

“- Looking good y/n, trying to cosplay a zombie?” Slash laughs.

Shit. Just what I fucking needed.

“- Not today Saul.” i answer, rolling my eyes.

He is standing right behind me, I can see his smug smile and I know his eyes are playful even if they are hidden behind sunglasses.

“- Wow, Saul? Did somebody give you food after midnight?” he jokes.

I turn around and look at him with defiant eyes. He needs to be teached a lesson. You don’t piss y/n off like that. Slash or not Slash. I don’t know what I am about to do, but that’s definitely going to be interesting.

“- Fuck you. Did it ever occur to you that your teasing game might piss me off?” i ask, sassily.

“- And what are you going to do about it?” he teases, again, big smile on his lips.

“- Well… I could do that.” i say in a provocative tone.

I slowly wrap my fingers around the sides of his sunglasses and remove them off his face. I let them fall on the floor. I want to stay defiant to his eyes, I want to keep holding his gaze. Being nice and clean, putting away his sunglasses nicely is not in my scenario today. There’s a look I have never seen on him before. A fire in his eyes. He holds my gaze as hard as I hold his. My breath becomes heavier as I approach my lips dangerously to his. I can feel his chest go up and down heavily. It’s working.

“- See. Pretty annoying right?” i smile.

Fuck. The swift of breath from his lips too close to my smile is actually going to drive ME crazy. What an ass. Making me feel this way. I must stay focused. He smiles back at me, hinting his approval. He understood that we entered a game and he is letting me play. Let’s see how much I can push him before I make him mad. He doesn’t say a word, waiting for my next move. I step back and close the door. I remark that Slash is studying me, looking at my body, his stare lingering over my ass and hips. At this instant, the teasing game turned into lust.

I breathe heavily, getting him to stare back into my eyes.

“- Careful where your eyes linger big boy.” i incite, biting my lower lip.

I approach him again, purposely making him take a step back in the direction of the couch behind him.

“- I could also do that.” i smirk.

I grab his crotch. His cock hardens immediately at my grip. My pussy gets wet at this simple touch. I didn’t know how much teasing and keeping a person on edge could make me feel that much desire. Or maybe it’s Slash. Probably both, this raw, pure, lustful desire. Everything in my head is torn apart and I question everything. Did he start teasing just for fun or was he trying to hold back everything I am about to unleash right now. Was it his way of making me a part of his life? And why didn’t he make me understand this obvious desire we have for each other earlier. Fuck. I need him.

I hear him groan and get even bigger in the cup of my hand. I push him on the couch. A big guy like him wouldn’t flinch from a light push from me. I’m not weak but I did not push him very strongly. He let himself be pushed, waiting for my next move. His legs are spread and I take a seat on one of his thighs.

“- I don’t know what you want from me Saul, but I will take what I want. Is that okay?” i ask languorously.

He doesn’t talk, he just bops his head with an audacious smile, answering affirmatively to my question.

“- Good.” i chuckle.

I dispose my lips on his neck. Biting slightly making sure to leave all the spots my lips went to stay wet with my taste. I start kissing his face, all the spots I can, expect his lips, leaving him on edge, teasing him. As I do just that, I start rubbing my clothed cunt against his thigh. I feel him gasp, both for the frustration on his lips and in his pants. I leave a mark in his neck, right under his ear only for me to go above and nip alternatively on both his ears.

“- Mmmh… Fuck.” i curse in between moans.

I rub against his thigh ruthlessly, my thrusts are short but harsh and my pleasure grows more and more. My back arch and I end up using my hands to support myself on his shoulders. I throw my head back and I hear Slash groan. A frustrated groan, making me even more thrilled. Knowing that at this right moment I own him just for my only pleasure makes me even more horny. His thigh is so comfortable, imagining how his pretty cock must be almost brings me to my release.

It’s getting harder for me to hold on. I don’t want him to touch me, I want to keep him on his limit so I take it upon myself and rub as good as I can on his leg.

“- Saul! Fuck that’s good!” i cry.

I pant heavily and I feel my jeans getting soaked with my cum. My legs shake and squeeze around Saul’s leg and my cheeks are all blushed with my effort.

I won.

Slash looks like he is about to explode. Good for him. He looks mesmerized and embittered. That’s what you get for being a little bitch like that. A wild mess lost in his thought. What a magnificent view.

I kiss his lips very quickly and lightly before smiling while putting myself together. Even if this kiss was quick, I had never felt such soft comfortable lips.

“- See. That’s what you get for teasing me.” i playfully say, getting off him.

Saul stays still on the couch, his eyes on fire and I walk toward the door, happy to have pushed his limit, ready to resist his game.

Slash pov

What a fucking bitch. A beautiful mess, out of breath and still taking away mine. She is lighting herself a cigarette. Like she is gonna get away with this. I can’t hold on anymore, I have to make her mine. I have to have her all for me, I have to fuck her and make her come again but this time around my cock. I have to make her my girl.

Truth is, ever since she started working here she drives me crazy. She is one of those women that don’t give a shit. She has no mind about being perfect, she’s completely detached from reality, she does her things and she doesn’t take shit. She’s a weird chick some might say, but I absolutely adore creepy shits. Her wilderness and emotions are always so honest. I have held back for the past few months because she’s much younger than me. I’ve never felt as if I was worth dating a chick like her and I was sure she would say no. I’d rather tease her and at least have some kind of interactions with her than avoid her all the time.

Before she could open the door I push her against the wall. Her eyes look like a lost puppy. I take the cigarette out of her mouth and throw it in the ashtray on the table. She had all the time she needed to get away, but she stayed here. Back against the wall still high on her orgasm. Watching her pleasuring herself on my thigh was both a torture and delight. I wanted to touch her and make her come with my hands. She refused and left me on edge. The only thought in my head was among the lines of “What a bitch, I want her.” I come back to her and put one of my hands on her waist pushing her more against the wall and the other in her neck, my fingers playing with her jawline. I breathe close to her mouth for a few seconds, teasing her as she did. She seems to take frustration way harder than me because she looks pissed and starved, and this makes me even more out of my mind. I take her lips hungrily, I kiss her, starving for her tongue. Fuck, I shouldn’t be so crazy about her but here she is, moaning in my mouth begging for my tongue to play with hers. Such soft lips. So tender and matching mine perfectly.

“- You shouldn’t have done that y/n. I will not let you get away, so if you wanna go, go now.” i say to her, drunk on her scent.

She moans as I take the back of her thighs and wrap her legs around me. Still against the wall, I wait for her answer while kissing her collarbone.

“- Hmmm… do it.” she almost whispers.

“- Do what?” i tease.

“- For Christ’s sake! Do it! Fuck me fuckhead!” she laments.

“- Your desires are orders madam.” i answer her playfully, smiling in the crook of her neck.

I go back to her mouth, mixing my tongue with hers while I tease her thighs with my hands. I can feel her wet cunt on my lower stomach and her laments desperate to deal with this ache. To hell with it. She deserves it. I rip her thin shirt away to expose her tits to me. She will take my shirt. Fuck it. She doesn’t wear a bra and I can access her perfect tits immediately. I lick and bite them mercilessly, teasing her more and more. I can’t wait to enter her but I just want to hear her beg for me.

“- Saul… mmhm… stop.. mmh… fucking around… mmhm… and fuck me already!” she pants, out of breath.

“- I fucking love the way you curse all the time.” i tell her, biting the skin around her nipple.

I remove her pants and underwear. What a pretty sight. What a pretty cunt. I could make this my meal for the rest of my life. I’d never starve. I put her back against the wall. I want to show her how bad I’ve wanted her for the last months. I want to show her what I wanted to do to her every time she’d pass over me in a hallway. How hungry, how bad I have been craving her. I unbuckle my pants and let my dick free. Her eyes got bigger and she opened her mouth to the view of my hard cock. She looks at it like she got to have a taste of her favorite meal and it drives me crazy. I give her no time to comment before I push her head against the wall kissing her lips as I bury myself deep inside of her. She’s so fucking wet. Fucking hell. I know I’m stretching her out. I can feel it. I love it.

“- SAUL!” she gasps, gripping my back. “It’s so fucking big!”

“- Shh.. I know you can take it. Scream if you need to baby, I don’t give a shit if we hear us.” i answer, moving in and out of her.

I pound into her fast and hard, making her moan each time I shove myself deep into her. She’s so damn hot. She feels so good. That’s it. I’m taking her with me. Her face becomes a mess as she cannot seem to catch her breath correctly. Between kisses, her mouth stays wide open, sometimes, she bites her lips, letting out small whimpers. I love it rough and she’ll love it too. I can tell she already does.

“- Saul… aahh.. that’s fucking good aaahh don’t stop.” she screams.

See? Told you. I give her one last hard pound and lift her up grabbing the back of her thighs. I’m still inside her, my cock hitting her deep every step I take. Her little whines are a melody I am more than happy to work on. She tries her best to hold onto me and makes my hat fall as she moves her arms around my neck. Whatever man, I have been wearing this hat since ages, her, it’s the first time. As I throw her on the couch my dick slips out of her, leaving me without her. What kind of fucking witch is she? Seconds out of her and my cock already misses her cunt.

“- Turn around.” i command, removing my shirt.

She smiles defiantly and executes herself. I waste no time and shove my dick back into her as I push as deep as I can. I keep her head buried in the couch as I mercilessly pound into her. I hear her whimper in pleasure. My mouth next to her ear, laughing, biting it slightly.

“- This is what you fucking get when you’re being a bitch.” i whisper in her ear.

I continue my rough pounding leaving trails of kisses all along her back. I know I’m about to come, how can I not when I’m banging her? Trust me though, I’m far from being finished with her.

“- AAH SAUL! I’M COMING! PLEASE! COME IN ME! FUCKING DO!” i hear her scream, muffled on the couch.

Just what I fucking needed. Hell yeah I will my love.

Not long after I come into her pussy still pounding as I feel her legs shake and her cunt getting tighter. She fucking came all over my cock. Just like I said I wanted her to. I grab her by the hair and bring her to my chest. She turns her head to me. She’s a mess with her hair all over her face, sticking with her sweat. Out of breath and panting for air. So beautiful. So fucking beautiful, as usual. I give her a wet sloppy kiss, removing the hair out of her face.

“- Good girl.” i tease into her ear.

I put her back on my side and lift her up again to sit her on the table. I still need her. I’m hard again like a fucking horny teenager. She makes me into this sex depraved slave succubuses love so much. She can take my soul for the record, I don’t give a shit. She can be the devil, a witch or an alien. To me, she's first and for all the woman I want, the one I desire and I want to be with. Bitch, witch, baby. Something like that. And in her eyes, I’m probably just the fucking dumbass who dared touching her. That’s okay. I’m cool with it. If she always looks at me the way she does now, I’m cool with it.

Sucking on her tits, I shove myself into her again, immediately pounding her hard. Her legs shake uncontrollably so I lock them up around my waist. She lies down on the table playing with her tits, moaning and biting her lips.

“- Oh my god that’s so good. Aaahh… Continue.” she cries.

Putting my hand around her neck I bring her back to my chest. Her back arches frantically at every movement I do inside her. So that’s why she was lying down. I slow down and move little by little inside of her to see how she moves her ass and back around on the table.

“- FUCKING STOP THE TEASING ASSHOLE… AAAH” she whimpers.

She puts her arms behind my neck and lets her nails sink into my back. With her head buried in the crook of my neck I laugh and go back to my hard pace. Hearing her little cries makes me the happiest man on earth. I hold her with one hand on her back and the other in the back of her head. At this instant, it’s like she is all mine. Like she could break if I let her go.

“- There babygirl, take it all, like the good slut you are. I know you love it, don't hold back.” i kiss her forehead before leaving her head to fall back in my neck.

“- AAH FUCK YES THAT’S GOOD! I’M SO FF-UUL IT’S SO B-BIG!” she whimpers.

Her fucking voice drives me crazy. She bites and teases my neck violently as a way to show me she is still holding on. I’m sure my back is all scratched and marked by now, but i’ll let her take everything off of me if it means I can get to fuck her brains out like right now. I groan, knowing I'm almost there, when I feel her legs squeeze around my waist and her back arch I know she’s also about to come again. I embrace her tightly as I screw her as fast and deep as I can.

“- AH…MHH… HAA… HM… SAUL… YES! YES! YES!” she comes screaming my name.

I come in her again. She stays like that for a few minutes. Panting, all naked into my arms. I hear her broken voice laugh slightly.

“- So that was it… all this teasing.” she laughs again.

“- You have no idea how much I wanted to fuck your brains out, teasing me back like that was not a good idea.” i answer.

“- Oh it definitely was a good idea. And I’ll do it again.”

“- No need to. I’m not letting you go. You’re mine now.”

She moves around to be able to look at me in the eyes. Her arms still wrapped around my neck and her cheeks still all flustered.

“- I am?” she smirks.

This smirk could make me fuck her again right now. Yes she is. I have been tortured by her presence for the past few months, now that she’s here I'm not letting her go. I move around to get a cloth to clean her up with. When I go back to her I catch her shy smile as she turns her head on the side.

“- Okay.” she almost whispers, smiling slightly.

I can’t resist taking her chin to turn her head to me to kiss her deeply. There was a chance it was a pure unique act of lust for her. A chance she’d left and say “never again”. A chance I’d taste her pussy only once with my cock, trying to forget how much I want to eat her out. A chance she’d realize I was older than her and she’d get away from me. Looking at the clock on the wall I realize it’s time for the show. What a great fucking day. Fucking the chick I’ve been thinking off non stop since months, playing on stage and then get back to fucking her. The two things I love the most. After the show, I’ll steal her away and get her back with me. What the fuck is the manager gonna tell me anyway? They don’t need her as much as I do.

“- Show’s gonna start baby. Let’s get the job done.” i wink, my hands resting on her waist.

I take my shirt and put it on her. God she looks so hot in my shirt. She should only wear that. She gives me a doubtful stare.

“- It’s okay, I’m hot anyway.” i smile.

Her gaze is playful as she goes down on her knees. She licks her lips and grabs my penis in her hand. She kisses slowly the tip of my cock. I take a deep breath and her smile goes feeble.

“- See you later big boy.” she brightens up again.

Bitch.

There she puts it back in my pants to only leave me my belt to put back on. Bitch. She’s lucky I can hide my bulge behind my guitar, she’s lucky we don’t have time. On the floor, I see her grab her thong that she slides into my pocket.

“- Eye for an eye.” she teases.

This isn’t fair. I give her my shirt, she gives me a piece of art. Putting her pants back on, I light her cigarette again and put it in her mouth.

“- Always finish what you started.” i say, getting her hair out of her face.

“- Whatever.” she rolls her eyes. “Go do your job.” she stops. “Play as good as you always do.” she smiles, cupping my face in her hands.

“- Coldness with a tinge of consideration, exactly what I love.” i kiss her neck, before letting her slip away to get out.

I hear her laugh evaporate as she disappears in the hallway. I know she’s playing around, she stays composed like her legs weren’t still shaking seconds from now. How fucking cool she is.

The show went great. When I get back backstage I see her there, cheering the end of this awesome show. She put on a leather jacket. After the show, we generally answer interviews and talk with some fans to end up having a little party all together. Not as wild as in my 20s, but still not very well-behaved. Tonight, I don’t give a shit, I have other businesses to attend. I greet the guys and let them know I’m going.

“- Where you going man, something to do?” Duff asks me.

I arrive in front of y/n and lift her up over my shoulder. She gasps and laughs.

“- Yeah man, something urgent! Might take me a long time, might kill me. Just in case, y’all can start looking for a new lead!”

“- Dumbass.” i hear her answer, which makes me laugh.

I fucking love her bitchy tone.

I admit. She won.

y/n pov

Here I am, being carried around like a sack of potatoes by the man I thought I could never have. I had the best sex of my life and something tells me I’m about to get it again. If I knew, I would have teased him back a long time ago. He said I was his.

In truth, he’s mine.

iii];)’ .・• ✰ ⋆

“Face of an angel with the love of a witch”.

A/N : i wrote that when i was horny as hell, clearly came from my delusions, i love the idea of slash having this feral internal dialogue because he just wants you so bad! enjoy loves <33 (slash if you read this i’m ready for your love ;))

[formereldestdaughter]

ok wait i need to hear more of your thoughts on peeta owning a bakery....

This is one of those rare times where I’m pretty sure this anon isn’t someone I know personally bc I’ve subjected anyone who will listen to my rant about the Peeta Bakery Headcanon. Anyway, you’re gonna regret asking this anon bc there are fucking Layers here.

I know this is probably a controversial take based on the number of fics where I’ve seen it, but I simply do not think that Peeta would open a commercial bakery after Mockingjay!! Like on a metatextual level, I don’t think it really fits with the point of the ending of the series. It actually sort of fascinates me that it’s just such a common headcanon because the ending of Mockingjay is exceedingly vague. I think that vagueness invites us, as readers, to imagine a better world post-revolution. A world where Katniss would feel confident that her children would be safe from injustice, where she’d feel confident that her children would never know want the way she did as a child. A just world. A kinder world. Can a capitalist society ever be just? Is a capitalist society where a disabled teenager has no other means to subsist himself (or feels like there’s no other way he can be a contributing member of his community) really the post-revolution world we dream of? Is that really the best we can imagine?

(This got so insanely long I’m adding a read more lmao)

I get that showing a better world is not always the point of post-mockingjay headcanons/fics. Like there are plenty of really great post-mockingjay fics I’ve seen where, yeah, part of the fic is that society like ISN’T all that different or all that much better. I’ve seen that really well done! Hell, I’ve written them myself! It’s easy to imagine how a lot of aspects of society would not get an overhaul, a lot of the same structural inequalities would continue to exist. One headcanon that really stuck with me (I can’t remember which fic it was from) was that Peeta sells basically mail order baked goods to people on the Capitol, sending them iced cakes and pastries by train, because there are still people who were “fans” of theirs during the Games. And idk this doesn’t actually have much to do with my point lol but I liked it because it’s kind of fucked up and like! Yeah! It makes sense! If he needed money that would be a good way to make it! War often makes people rich, often for horrible reasons, and often it’s people who already have capital in the first place.

Anyway, more about the hypothetical bakery because alright. I bring up the fact that “yeah society not being all that different post-revolution and still being an unjust capitalist hellscape” could be a reason why Peeta re-opens a bakery because that’s actually never the types of fics where I see the bakery headcanon. Fics where Peeta opens a bakery are usually trying to make the exact opposite point. Like. Things are getting better, now he can open a bakery! Look at how much better the world is now, plus he’s got a bakery! Peeta is healing, that’s why he can open a bakery now! And I am so, so sorry to inform everyone who’s never had the grave misfortune of owning a family business, but there is truly nothing further from the truth lmao. Like just putting aside the immense amount of emotional baggage that Peeta has about his family, running a small business is an insane amount of work in any context and being a baker especially is physically grueling and involves early hours (and long hours) that aren’t really the best fit with the multiple ways that Peeta is disabled now. (I could go into this more because I have a lot of thoughts. But I will spare you.). I also think it’s seen throughout the books that Peeta is someone who needs time to pursue creative outlets to process his feelings and someone who values leisure and values quality time with his loved ones. And having grown up in his family’s bakery, I think he’d understand the reality that running a bakery wouldn’t leave much space of those pursuits and wouldn’t leave much space for him to have the things that keep him healthy and stable. I think he’d know that the way he is now— after two Games and the war and unspeakable torture at the hands of a dictator—isn’t compatible with the lifestyle necessary for running a commercial bakery.

And tbh with that in mind, I don’t think he’d push himself to re-open a business (one that would be a constant reminder of his dead family and his complicated relationships with them that got no closure) that would require him to sacrifice his physical and emotional well-being. Like I think he might look into the possibility, I think he might even start trying to open a bakery out of a sense of obligation/duty, maybe harboring some idea that this is who he was supposed to be, who he would've been without the Games, or that it’s this last piece of his family that can live on, or that it’s this last connection to his family so he can’t let it die too. But ultimately, I think any attempt to open a bakery wouldn’t get very far. Maybe he'd start wading into the logistical nightmare that is small business ownership and realize it's not for him (because it's probably also true that as much as him and his brothers were involved in the business, there's almost certainly parts they weren't involved with and didn't see, i.e., filing taxes). Or maybe looking into opening a bakery— how triggering it is, the stress of it— causes a downward spiral. Maybe he hates how much he's worrying everyone by unraveling. Maybe having a breakdown from the stress of just trying to open a bakery makes him realize, yeah, maybe in another life he would have ran his family’s bakery but the way he is now just doesn’t work with running a bakery, not without great sacrifices he's not willing to make. I just can’t see a bakery coming to fruition.

I know a lot of fics include Peeta deciding to reopen a bakery as a big step in his healing or include him rebuilding a bakery as part of his healing process but honestly, I think the opposite would be more true: I think Peeta either trying/failing to open a bakery or ultimately deciding not to open a bakery would be hugely healing for him. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way he is now as a person, his new limitations but also his strengths. I think it would be a huge part of him accepting the way his life his now and accepting that he likes his life the way it is, that he’s satisfied with his life without needing to own a bakery. I think it would be an important part of him coming to terms with the loss of his family. I think he knows he can never have things back as they were and I don’t think he would try to recreate them, especially because his family’s legacy isn’t a business. I think he’s emotionally intelligent enough and self reflective enough to realize that what mattered to him about the bakery— taking care of others by feeding them, being integrated into his community and being actively involved in it, brightening people’s days with delightful things whether that’s beautiful cakes or hearty food or delicious treats— and the things he learned from his family through the bakery, are things that he can carry on in other meaningful ways.

(Do you regret sending this ask yet, anon? Because if not, you will soon. I’m not done yet. There’s more.)

I wasn’t really sure where to put this next part in what is rapidly becoming an essay because it sort of combines the points about like “what do we imagine a post-mockingjay society to look like” with the practical difficulties of starting this bakery but here’s another thing: do people really think that the Mellarks owned the land the bakery was on?? Like, sure, the merchants are the petit bourgeois of Twelve but I still don’t imagine they really own anything. In a society where houses are assigned to people upon marriage, where property ownership and capital are so closely interconnected with citizenship (as shown by the Plinths who, by having immense capital, are able to leave their District and become citizens of the Capitol) do people really think the Mellarks would be allowed to own the land their bakery is on?? I always imagined it sort of like a tenant farming situation: the Capitol gives them the raw materials for the bakery and in return the bakery give them some absurdly high portion of their profits, or the Capitol sells them a year’s supply of raw materials at a premium on credit and at the end of the year the Mellarks have to use the money they made with those materials to pay it back, except it’s never enough to turn a profit so they always have to buy next year’s materials on credit and the cycle continues.

We (understandably) get a really skewed view of the merchant class through Katniss’s perspective so I can see why people come to the conclusion that his family owned the property and, as the last surviving member, he would’ve inherited it. I’ve seen the inheritance thing in fics a lot or a hand wavey “well Twelve was decimated to no one owns anything anymore so it can be his” or even like an almost sort of reparations type situation where he’s entitled to the land as a surviving refugee of Twelve. But I don’t know. I guess I don’t think it fits with everything else we know about Panem that the Mellarks would’ve owned that land and I think the question of whether the government would’ve let him take ownership of the land post-revolution brings up a lot of issues about the structure of society post-Mockingjay that I find more interesting to explore in other ways, especially when, from an emotional perspective, 1) I find the idea of Peeta not opening a bakery more compelling and 2) I don’t think it really fits his character arc by the end of Mockingjay to reopen a bakery, as I went on about at length above lol.

On the flip side: literally who cares!! Do whatever you want!! Headcanon whatever you want!! I get why people go for the bakery!! It’s fun, it’s wholesome, it’s a built in bakery AU that isn’t even an AU. It doesn’t matter if it’s practical or realistic!! It doesn’t need to be practical or realistic!! It’s fanfic of a dystopian YA series!! My unfortunate affliction is that I grew up in a family that owned a restaurant and that I have multiple degrees in the social sciences so I can’t see the bakery without being like “What about the overheard? What about the start up costs? Who’s spending long nights balancing the books? Is Peeta covering shifts when an employee calls in sick? Is Peeta the sole person working there until the bakery is open long enough (often a year or more) to start turning a profit? How does that sleep schedule work with his nightmares? How does that work with Katniss’s nightmares? What happens when he has an episode and suddenly needs to take the day off before he has any employees? Does the bakery just remain closed for the day? Can the profit margins withstand regular unexpected closures? Can the supplies withstand regular unexpected closures?” And if the answer is “Elliott none of those things matter he’s not doing the bakery because he needs the money but because he wants to”, then my question is why does he want to? Does he not get the same sort of satisfaction out of feeding his loved ones? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would rather give away baked goods than sell them?? Doesn’t Peeta seem like someone who would prefer to make cakes for people’s special occasions upon and then when they insist on paying him for it, he only lets them “pay for the ingredients” which actually cost significantly more than he says they did??

So yeah my point is that it’s a matter of personal taste! It doesn’t fit the way I see the series but that doesn’t mean it’s like wrong, I’m not an authority on Peeta lmao.

It’s also a matter of personal taste in the sense that I find the themes that most resonate with me at the end of Mockingjay (and the end of Peeta’s arc specifically) more interesting to explore in other ways. Grief, living with loss, relearning yourself, finding hope, figuring out your place in a dramatically different world when you don’t even know who you are anymore, healing, building a new life after such complete and total destruction of your old life— those are all things I find compelling about the end of Mockingjay but for me the bakery isn’t the most compelling way to explore them.

Not to say I find the concept of the bakery totally uninteresting. I have this fic about Johanna that I’ll probably never finish where the point sort of is that, yeah, her life really isn’t all that much better after the war. It’s been years at this point and she’s still miserable and she doesn’t know how to be a person but by the end she’s trying to figure it out. And towards the end, Peeta tells her that he’s spent years sort of passively, half-heartedly trying to figure out how to inherit the land his family’s bakery was on, only to find out it was never theirs in the first place. They’d been renting it the whole time and he’d never even known as a kid. So he sort of passively, half-heartedly went on another wild goose chase to find the owner and now, finally, after years of writing to various government agencies and being sent in circles and things being barely functional, he’s managed to track down the owner. Now it’s owned by the daughter of the man who owned it when he was a kid because the original owner (who was likely up to some sketchy war crime shit) died during the war and she inherited it (the irony…). He got in contact with her and asked how much it would take for her to sell it and she told him she’s not interested in selling but in light of the situation, in light of the fact that he’d have to build a new building in order to operate a bakery, that she’d cut him a deal— she’d only require 50% of the bakery’s profits as rent instead of the 80% his family used to pay. And of course Johanna is outraged, that’s not right, the owner shouldn’t be allowed to do that, they should do something about it, they should fight back. And Peeta is like. Not interested. He was actually sort of relieved that opening wasn’t very feasible. Getting the answer was a lightbulb moment where he saw that over the years of trying to look into this, he’s built a life that he likes— one where he’s stable, where his loved ones are stable, where he’s cared for and can care for others— and he doesn’t really want to change it drastically by opening a bakery anyway. He just needed an answer, one way or another, before he could get some closure and move on. (And the point of the conversation is Johanna is having her own lightbulb moment that it’s okay to move on, it’s okay to change, it’s not a betrayal of the people and things she’s lost but that’s not my point here!!).

But anyway. That’s obviously not about running the bakery— it’s about the choice to not run one.

Anyway!! Anyway… are you satisfied anon? Is this what you wanted?

Lastly, here is my most important qualm with the bakery headcanon: must Peeta be gainfully employed? Is it not enough for him to be Katniss’s boytoy? Can’t he just paint and garden and bake and hang out with his girlfriend all day? Is that really too much to ask?

[loz-furbies]

Breath of the Wild / Age of Calamity / Tears of the Kingdom Zelda, part 1/2

The final Zelda (so far) of this character review series is the most developed of them all, and probably has more character content to her in just one game than any of the others, and she has three to boot! With full voice acting (I'm JP voice only), a huge and personal role in the story, diary entries, notable relationships to multiple characters and being discussed by many NPCs there is a lot to talk about, but I'm mostly going off of memory and rewatching the cutscenes since it would be too much work to research every mention of her in all three games.

Design

(Ancient dress Zelda model from here)

Not going to copypaste my thoughts on her BotW look since this is long enough already.

It is a pity that Zelda didn't get a full redesign for TotK, but I'll take what I can get. The bob is really cute! And unusual among the Zeldas too, and I guess a nice way to represent that she has moved to the commoner lifestyle.

As for the ancient dress, it looks perfectly fine on its own, but since I value it when the designs have their own unique identity, I wish it wasn't so similar to her white dress from BotW. Maybe there is some connection, like Sonia used to be a priest so maybe the dress design survived through millennia as a prayer dress or whatever, but since that's not actually in the game, I'm not giving credit for that.

The bulkier and sort of unrefined jewelry does a good job making the outfit look ancient, but it's still fancy enough that I can believe it to belong to the royal family. That decorative accessory on the front of the dress is really cool looking and a nice and consistent detail among all the ancient clothes, but man is it a pain to draw. Finally I really like the big earrings and the tear makeup is a great little detail.

When I first saw the Light dragon in the final Zelda memory I thought it looked kind of doofy, with its bright colours, clumpy eyelashes, bulging eyes and borzoi nose, but it has since grown on me. I once read that some Pokemon designer said in an interview or such that if a Pokemon design looks too cool, they add something uncool to it to make it more memorable, and I think it's a pretty good design philosophy. There have been several LoZ designs that have shocked me at first, but eventually I get used to them and they will look just right. They could have given the dragons a more cool or elegant look, but that would have also risked making them more generic. Also the eyes give a good impression about Zelda's state that nobody is home there.

Character

This iteration of Zelda is easily the most fleshed out of them all, since we get to see so much of her relationships, character development, emotional reactions to plot events, and also stuff she does outside the immediate plot.

BotW Zelda's dread over the impending doom and the self esteem issues that rise from it are a large part of the story. There are other Zeldas who also worry about the Plot, but in BotW Zelda's case it's incredibly personal since her failure to do her crucial job in preventing the disaster is at the core of the story. According to Rhoam's diary, she had already internalised her duty at the age of six (and this caused her to not show any weakness even at her mother's funeral), and from there she spent her life trying and failing to awaken her powers. This lifelong crushing sense of responsibility and guilt and the failure to live up to her demanding father's expectations give BotW Zelda a very melancholic vibe that constantly pops up through the game. Though I must say that in the memory where the champions perform their little ceremony and Zelda gives a long speech to Link, her voice acting gets really awkward when it sounds like she's about to start crying with every word.

Once she finds her inner strength, Zelda gets her badass moments as well. I especially like the grand finale of BotW where she, glowing with power, calmly stands before Calamity Ganon's pig form and doesn't even flinch when he charges at her. And in the TotK flashback cutscenes she can apparently be taken to a battle against Ganondorf as a part of Rauru's sage posse.

I called out Skyward Sword Zelda for being a bit too much of an ideal girlfriend, so I'm really glad that the memory where BotW Zelda lashes out at Link exists. It works to prevent her from being just a pure maiden who is victimised by unfair outside circumstances. Or I mean that does happen to her, but letting her display some negative traits (like frustration and jealousy) that she's personally responsible for as well makes her feel more like an actual person and not just a perfect victim.

Even if BotW Zelda's heavy burden is a huge part of her character, luckily that's not all there is to her. And not just because being multifaceted of course makes her more interesting, but also I find it a lot more realistic that not every moment of her life had been constant suffering.

One of her most charming and notable traits is her nerdy scientist side. It certainly sets her apart from the other Zeldas, and also gives her something else to do than just worry about the plot and be a princess. The memory where she geeks over a frog and goes on such a ramble over its scientific properties that she forgets basic social norms is such a great piece of characterisation, and it's cute how her enthusiasm returns in TotK where she's excited over Zonai discoveries, and is also into Mineru's constructs. According to AoC, studying was also apparently something she did with her late mother as a child.

Her research notes also detail how together with Purah and Robbie they discovered various things about the ancient Sheikah tech, but I do think it's a little disappointing how we don't get much anything concrete about Zelda's contributions specifically. There's a lot about her being interested in the Sheikah technology and how she apparently was a part of research group, but all actual discoveries are attributed to different characters or left vague, so as a result she comes across more like an enthusiastic hobbyist who in the end doesn't actually get anywhere. I would have liked it if for example Purah's diary had a line of how Zelda's efforts helped them understand the Guardians better or something like that, but now you have to imagine her contributions yourself. The closest we get is how in AoC she gives one Sheikah artefact to Rhoam, which ends up saving his life, but it's not quite what I'm looking for since Zelda didn't know what the item would do, so it feels more like luck. But even if the execution didn't quite land, I'm glad that AoC took the time to give some kind of resolution to the Rhoam-forbids-Zelda-from-Studying aspect and has to admit that he was wrong. And regardless the Sheikah tech works well to give Zelda her unique identity, and it's also nice how two of her weapons in AoC are based on it.

BotW Zelda also has a playful side, like for example she runs up to play with a dog she just saw, or jokes with Urbosa about how they both had to act all formal in front of an audience despite being long time friends. She is also a very proactive character; thanks to the "find the memories" gameplay, we see her travel all across Hyrule instead of just sitting at her castle, she's the one to handle all business with the Divine Beast pilots (and since they're all high ranking individuals among their people, this makes Zelda pretty politically active as well), and BotW ends with her wanting to work on rebuilding Hyrule.

Zelda being active continues in TotK, where there's a lot of little snippets how she has founded a school, installed memorial monuments, managed survey teams, worked on gardens, and so on. And of course she also immediately volunteered for investigating the Gloom situation at the start of TotK as well, and from the stone tablets we can read how she also got into fiddling with Constructs and fashion in the ancient Hyrule. Obviously it would have been nice to actually see all of this instead of just reading or hearing it second hand, but I understand that not everything can get a fancy cutscene, so it's at least nice that this was included in the game at least in some fashion.

I touched on it in the part about her nerdy side, but let's also bring specific attention to the fact that BotW Zelda also has a delightfully weird and chaotic side to her. She tries to feed a frog to Link, and the TotK stone tablets tell about how she would ride Mineru's construct despite the protests of the chamberlain. And while the recipe she cooks in AoC is a legit BotW recipe, the way the scene is depicted clearly makes her come across as eccentric in her cooking.

AoC also casts her in a leadership role once her powers finally awaken and she becomes more confident. Honestly I prefer the insecure nerd Zelda over the charismatic leader because I don't think she quite has enough credibility to pull off rousing speeches to masses at this point of the story, but I guess it does make sense for the kind of story they're telling

Her powers are pretty inconsistent between games, BotW is obviously all about awakening her sacred sealing power, and the game ends with her saying that she used all that up. And then TotK reveals she had two different powers all along; Sonia's time power comes out of nowhere and Rauru's light power overlaps with her BotW ability a lot. But I can live with a discrepancy like this since I like the story of TotK.

Since I brought up how it's nice that Skyward Sword is implied to have a knitting hobby, I suppose it should be mentioned that BotW Zelda made the Champion's blue clothes and accessories. Though here it feels a lot less important and even a bit tacked on, since BotW Zelda already has so much going on that is more important and meaningful to her character. But I guess crafting clothes is princessy enough of a subject that Rhoam approves of spending time on it instead of prayer practice and even brags about it. A different little detail that I like more than this clothing thing is that we get to learn Zelda's favourite food (fruitcake).

In Japanese Zelda uses polite language, but no honorifics. I'm no Japanese expert, but to me this comes across as keeping a polite distance from everyone, while also implying status ("I'm a princess so I don't need to use a honorific for you"). Also in the beginning of AoC, Link (who at this point is just a random knight to Zelda) kneels in front of her and she doesn't even acknowledge him, so it appears she's pretty used to her standing. The stone tablets in TotK also describe her having an undeniable air of nobility.

[rnn11203]

How much do you think Demetrius/robin tried with Sebastian? I kinda see all the parents of stardew to be well meaning in a sense that i think they do truly love their children but they get swept up and do wrong due to their circumstances, resentment, and insecurity.

I think Pam loves Penny, but her addiction, raising penny on her own, losing her job… yk? All that pain turned into more pain, i think Pam knows penny has done far too much for her, but is too ashamed to fully realize it, so to cope she internalizes it and blames penny all over. Obsesses over her own sacrifices and her own pain and ends up neglecting her.

I think Jodi loves Sam and Vincent, but she also feels resentful, lamenting about a life not lived, she married young and now worries about a husband who is different from when he left. She’s afraid that Sam’s turned lazy, but also didnt want to repeat the wasted youth she missed out on too, she bottles her emotions and it creates anxiety for Sam specifically. Kent too, its interesting that Sam feels indifferent to his fathers return isnt it? All that lost time, strangers now, Sam had grown fine without him and perhaps this creates guilt for both of them.

I think Pierre and Caroline love Abigail, honestly, i dont think the “rumors” bother Pierre THAT much, i think sometimes he feels it, maybe after a particularly rough fight with either of his family members but i think he truly loves her, he’s her dad after all no matter who her father is. Caroline too, i think it’s just this unspoken thing for them, let the town gossip, they love their daughter. I dont think they understand her very well tho, and yk, she doesnt think they do either. Its one of those things where the more you try to understand, the less you hear. Abigails relationship with her parents reads more cliche teenager to me though, i headcanon that their relationships settle as she ages. I think Abigail would move out of the valley and travel frequently but i think shed make trips back to her family often. Mostly for holidays. I think Caroline specifically would still feel anxious and wish she didnt travel as much, but i think her and Pierre’s relationship gets better in the future too. (It’s funny, Pierre is one of the least popular characters but i actually really like him).

Which brings me to Sebastian, Robin, and Demetrius. Again with an unpopular opinion, when i first played, i really liked Demetrius. Although i did feel that robins side of the arguements were more “correct”.

I headcanon Sebastian’s age to be around 22-23~ while Maru’s is 18-19~. I also headcanon that Sebastians father simply just left while Seb was around 3~. Im curious to how others think him and robin met, im unsure if its ever mentioned in game but honestly i think they met due to work. Demetrius has stated that he studies the local flora and fauna and Robin is a carpenter, i imagine she has a lot of knowledge about pelican towns native plants and animals. I think they were smitten, i can see robin liking Demetrius more nerdy/dorky behavior and robins stern, playful, spitfire personality has captured the hearts of many players after all.

Sebastian comes off as a Velcro kid to me, i think he’d be a huge mamas boy and feel almost threatened by Demetrius. I think robin and Demetrius would marry quickly, and honestly i think Maru was a planned pregnancy, I think robin wanted to give Sebastian a sibling so he’d be less lonely, and i think they’d figure that bonding would happen easier if they were closer in age. I see this being very upsetting to Sebastian, i think he’d see his father once in a while but when hes around 12-13 it’s just.. silence.

Honestly, i think Demetrius would try really hard to bond with Sebastian. But once Maru came along both him and robin were just.. busy. I think Demetrius would unfortunately think “wow this is my first child!” And it alienated Sebastian. I think Sebastian feels abandoned. Replaced. Unwelcome. Which is why he struggles with opening up to others and prefers being alone.

Unfortunately i think robin and Demetrius would just think Sebastian was a more difficult child and that Maru was an easier baby. I think this would embarrass Sebastian and shame him, i dont think they ever meant anything by it but i do think Sebastian was a fussy child who wanted to be soothed. But after their comments, he’d isolate himself so that he too, would be an “easier” child for them. As Sebastian ages i think robin would feel she didnt do enough for him, i think she worries about him often but almost feels like it’s “too late”. I think eventually Sebastian would come to resent and feel mistreated by all his parents and as his behavior worsened, he’d get compared to Maru even more, furthering the resentment and pain he feels. I do think he’d be a meaner older brother though, causing Demetrius to be more protective over Maru causing stronger feelings of “you’re not my dad!” And etc…. Can you tell im sleepy yet?

TLDR: i think they would try their best but ultimately end up sidelining him, causing him to act out more until he just didnt care anymore.

[cardboardqueen]

ok so i read The Goblin Emperor recently (absolutely recommend) and it's given me some thoughts about a:tla specifically post canon zuko

he is the very young very new leader of a nation that's very abruptly lost its previous monarch. He's spent the last few years away from court and almost certainly isn't used to using his court manners even if he does technically know them. He's taking the country in a very different direction than his father with bold new political ideas and radical friends. The only heir to speak of is someone he'd really rather not pass the throne to. While he does have some support from his elders he was absolutely Not trained to take the throne and certainly not with so little warning.

sound familiar?

so now I'm thinking of a post-canon zuko fic of epic proportions that goes into as much detail in the world building and politics as TGE does.

Zuko finding a good secretary jesus christ please

Zuko slowly learning how to talk to his cabinet members as an adult, trying to balance being their Fire Lord, trying to be seen as an equal in competency and not a boy king, and acknowledging that he really isn't up to speed.

Zuko learning all the servant's names

Zuko's struggle not to lose himself in the overwhelming force of being The Fire Lord

learning regular teenage emotional regulation but instead of telling your dad you hate him because he asked you to turn the music down you're screaming at your minister of agriculture in front of the whole cabinet and you can't remember why it was important

he was expecting the assassination attempts and even the coups. He wasn't expecting the more subtle attempts to lock him out of his own government

look i know we all love ignoring the political implications of gay shipping, but zuko is absolutely not in a stable enough position to be the first fire lord to get gay married. we're ignoring the opportunities presented by a well suited marriage of convenience. are they co-conspirators in world betterment and shenanigans? does the fire lady get him to take a fucking break for once? is it a slow burn where they eventually fall in love but like, 7years into being married? do they have elaborate arrangements of 'cultural informants' and ladies in waiting that are just a stream of consensual lovers? some options for your consideration under the cut

Yue (in a yue lives au)

most reassuring to an international audience

nonthreatening to a domestic audience

the optics of marrying the NWT princess are great and logical without requiring too many mental gymnastics

has spent her whole like preparing to do something unpleasant for the sake of her tribe and would probably consent to the marriage

politically powerful but a non-bender, very low chance of a waterbending heir

zuko has grown up around girls that could kill him and respects women, the fire nation might be an improvement on the NWT

once she breaks out of her shell she'd be a snark machine

the in world artists would get a kick out of the water/fire symbolism. there would be so many plays and paintings and poems

i understand that her death has symbolic and narrative importance but let me play here

Mai

relatively reassuring to a domestic audience

minimally objectionable to international audiences

marrying into a family that was powerful and favored in Ozai's time would pacify traditionalists without requiring zuko to actually make traditionalist political decisions

Mai can play the court game even if it drives her mad

azula would have an internal fit but they may be able to maneuver it such that it manifests as azula being driven to make Mai the most successful fire lady that ever was

Random Earth Kingdom Noble

afiak neither bumi nor kuei have children. idk what the heir situation is but i know there's an earth prince in alok so idk

'marrying an earth kingdom noble is a very logically and politically sound move' says zuko's cabinet. 'ok' says zuko, 'which one?' chaos ensues

someone tries to propose mai as an earth kingdom noble because her father was governor of New Ozai. the eyeroll is audible

great potential for OC shenanigans

Suki

sokka would throw a fit

potential for lovely zukki ot3 a la many of erisenyo's fics

allying with an important figure from mostly neutral kiyoshi island might translate to a mostly neutral political move and minimize outrage on all sides

she can make very heavy handed speeches about 'if we can forgive him so can you' when the earth kingdom representatives start getting mean

gives her an excuse to stay and keep and eye on zuko (and keep some warriors around to keep an eye on him too)

even if she didn't grow up in court suki is sharp, she'd pick up on the important bits quick and the rest she could pass off as her quaint provincial upbringing

imagine how the fire nation court fashion would respond to the Fire Lady in the Kiyoshi Warrior Gear. the heat exhaustion alone

Toph

objectively hilarious

i don't actually think it fits with her character arc about independence and growth but it's not significantly worse than making her a cop sooo

i really don't ship them so i'm imagining this for practicalities and logistics only but you do you

it would be absolutely hilarious for the bei fongs to go from 'no we have no children' to 'yes we would like to propose that our daughter marry the fire lord' overnight. even funnier if it's toph's idea and she has to wrangle proof that she is actually the heir of one of the wealthiest families in the earth kingdom

relatively reassuring to an international audience

the domestic audience doesn't know what to think. on paper she's a foreign merchant's daughter which is fine. in reality didn't she destroy like 10 war balloons? is that a war crime? she won't stop jump scaring the treasurer?

she'd get a kick out of redesigning all the parts of the palace that make zuko sad

the agni kai arena is now her earthbending practice ground, i hope you weren't attached to those tiles!

zuko's cabinet is free of secret loyalists in a week. toph spends her first month there roaming the halls listening for lying hearts

minor concern of earthbending heirs? she gets a kick out of all the anxiety

toph and azula would be hysterical to see interact. like introducing two cats through a bathroom door. maybe they fall in love idk. they almost certainly fuck at least once. their sparring matches threaten to destabilize the architecture and also the rim of caldera city

[ahiddenpath]

Digimon Adventure 02: The Beginning

I just got home from seeing the Japanese audio/English sub. This is not a review, and I doubt I'll feel the same way about it in a few days, because I'm all up in my emotions and I haven't had a think on it. So here is nothing more or less than my visceral, 100% subjective reaction.

Extreme spoilers beneath the cut, spoilin spoilin all day long. Also cussing and blaspheming, apparently I like to keep it classy.

My head is a boiling vat of pudding.

As the film ended, someone screamed, "Toei why you gotta do us like that?!" Someone else yelled, "Jesus Christ I did not need that in my life." As we filed out, another gem: "They had a digital god in this one, and they still didn't unfuck Kizuna." (That last one, I think, while funny, was not relevant. This wasn't about the older kids, they had their turn and several more, lmao).

Some notes:

-Genuinely I was not prepared for a horror. Or child abuse. I love horror games! I watch them nearly daily! Did you know I have only once been more upset/disturbed by a horror video game than I was by this movie?

Did people take their kids to this? Like, that seems totally reasonable to me, taking your kid to digimon!!! Jesus cHRISt!!!!

-I thought my bar of, "I want to see the 02 kids grown up and interacting," was so, so low. I thought my bar could not be lower. But this was Lui's story, not theirs. And this is Toei's story, not mine, so I have to accept that... They wrote what they wanted to. But yeah, the bar I thought was low was not cleared.

-SOMEONE HELP ME, Himekawa is older than Lui. Himekawa's group, they were the first Chosen. Right??? Does the time line not shake out here??? Himekawa was probably about 10/11 when she was Chosen, and she's a full ass adult in Tri??? So, like, I guess the question is, how much older is her group than Lui at age 4? Are they at least 6 years older???? But- God what age would that make- God damn let me get the chart. Shit, I'm lost. Help??????

Shit I liked:

-Lui's second birthday scene

Not the original scene where Lui meets Ukkomon. This is the second birthday, his 8th birthday, where they sit in a dark room full of presents and treats. Ukkomon mentions Lui's parents and friends. They enter the room and proceed to not say a single ducking word while Ukkomon and Lui talk and talk and talk, and it is the creepiest and most atmospheric shit I have seen. Holy shit!!!!

Obviously, the audience already knows shit is fucked up with Ukkomon, but at this point, ooooooooooooooooo baby that tension is HIGH.

-Power in the hands of children

Ukkomon is, like, seconds old when he meets Lui. Lui is 4 and extremely disenfranchised, even for a 4-year-old. Lui wishes for what he doesn't have. Ukkomon devotes his whole self to those wishes.

What happens when a 4 year old meets a baby genie? When that much power is in the hands of the innocent?

You don't want to know, trust me. Lowkey wish I didn't know!!! Christ on a bike!

As much as we love digimon and the Chosen and all of that, it's always been messed up how much power they have, and how much responsibility. It's so much pressure, it's so high stakes! It was really cool to see Toei explore how sideways all of this could go, literally at any moment.

-A few character moments

Honestly that part where a girl is chatting up Ken and Wormmon is visibly pissed is, like, my favorite thing in this movie. Oh! Also I loved seeing the international Chosen, that was so great. The gut scream of WALLACE/WILLIS in the theater when he appeared!!!!!!

Bonus:

My husband said he liked how there was a command center in Imperialdramon's head. I think that was actually some kind of... plane??? Made by Ukkomon??? I have no idea. You know, the place where Ken and Daisuke are accused of flirting.

Stuff I didn't like

-It was half flash back

I'm being a little harsh here, because stuff other than flashbacks happened in the first 46 minutes, but... I checked my phone after the final flashback (not counting Lui jumping into Ukkomon in the end). I was 46 minutes into a roughly 90 minute film. I'm not against flashbacks in principle, and I tend to like new characters, but... This just wasn't what I hoped for in a movie about the 02 kids. I accept that this is 100% subjective.

-It was too damned fucked up for my tastes

Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus H Christ!!!!!

Okay, so first of all, I generally am of the opinion that a lot of recent media has substituted trauma for substance. It's easy to make an audience pity/relate to/feel protective of a character by showing them suffer.

Lui wetting himself was so disturbing for me- in children, that's often a sign of ongoing abuse. I could easily be reading into it, but that combined with the range of age of his bruises (and he had more fresh contusions, too, they start red and turn purple and brown and eventually a yellow green) hinted that this wasn't some one off occasion caused by a sudden spike of stress. That was Lui's life. And he really might have frozen to death that night, if not for Ukkomon.

In a way, if I'm right and not just reading into things, this scene was well done. But also, like... I just don't enjoy the substitution of trauma for gradually making us care about a character and understand what they've been through. It seems like some kind of heavy handed short cut, and it usually has the opposite effect on me- thrusting me out of the narrative and making me distrustful of it.

Or maybe I'm just distancing myself, because I genuinely get so upset.

And don't even get me started on the scene where Ukkomon dissolves. I was not ready for that shit. It was just too much for me, I'm sensitive, lmao!

-I'm not sure what I think of the Chosen reacting to Lui's story

I kind of felt like the Chosen were oddly hard on Lui? They weren't actually, in reality they encouraged him to find a resolution with Ukkomon and reminded him that relationships go two ways.

But, like. Could someone have, like... Idk I was really waiting for someone to cry or hug Lui or reassure him or something? Instead it was like, "Poor Ukkomon. He tried so hard and you relied on him too much!"

And my visceral reaction to that was, "UKKOMON KILLED AT LEAST ONE OF LUI'S PARENTS AND MADE THEM MEAT PUPPETS FOR YEARS, JESUS!!!! AND YOU WANT LUI TO GO SEE UKKOMON AGAIN?!?!?!?!?" Like, that whole thing was literally a nightmare??? But Ukkomon was an actual whole ass baby god, and then again, as my husband put it, "Ukkomon did what CPS wouldn't." Lui needed help, stat.

I'm gonna need some time to sort how I feel about this. I can say that, as I watched, I felt like the emotional tone was really off for the last half of the film. All I could think about was the horror, and any time someone criticized Lui, or even told him to go see Ukkomon, I was just like- MEAT. PUPPET!!!! MEAT!!! PUPPET!!!! (Did those kids that Ukkomon made Lui's friends also die?!?!?!). Literally, snow was falling and the Chosen were playing, and my head was like, MEAT. PUPPET!!!!

There's no walking back that emotion, at least not in a 40 some minute window. Not for me, personally. I'm probably going to have nightmares. If I knew going in that this was a horror, I'd be fine with that. But gdi I though I'd see my blorbos having good times mixed with a plot.

Instead, nightmares.

-Lui's final scene with his mother

Lui tells himself, "This time, when I go back in time... I won't rely on Ukkomon for everything" (paraphrasing). He sees his mother inside his memory of his 4th birthday. He says to her, roughly, "Lui loves you, please remember that."

And magically, the mom is kind to him that night.

Now, to be fair, even disastrous relationships can have good times. Maybe it would have been just that night that was better. But there was this feeling of, "Oh, if I just talked to my mother when I was 4 years old and horrifically abused, it would have been different."

That just isn't how that works. If I had to guess, the film is just supporting communication. But god, don't ever point back to the child victim like that. Too bad that 4 year old doesn't know how to communicate with his abusive caregiver! Things might have been different!!!!!

I'm sensitive to this kind of thing, so it's totally possible I'm fixating too much on this or blowing up the importance of this moment. But yeah, not a good emotional reaction to that.

In summary: this was not the film I wanted. In fact, it's a film that will stick on me like a burr, but like. In a bad way? But also it did have some killer ideas. Ukkomon has to be one of the most interesting things to hit Adventure in years. So much power in the hands of an innocent, so disastrous so very fast.

My brain is still pudding. Time for some nightmares. Good night, I hope the film didn't distress you if you saw it! And my sympathies if you took your children, the biggest of oofs (how could you have known??? You couldn't have).

[floppymixtape]

mandatory epic the musical post because my brain has vacated my skull and now it's only musical thoughts

my favorite song from each saga!!

The Troy Saga - Just A Man. Listen. We cannot compare when we cannot compete. This song is the blueprint like no other. I remember the first time i heard it was in a TOH edit and i was like "WHAT IS THAT MELODYYYY" Ever since then my brain has been consumed by this musical. this song haunts me in my dreams. No character playlist is complete without it. the build up, the payoff, the emotions UHG. SO GOOD. I'm just a man indeed.

The Cyclops Saga - My Goodbye. I MUST DEFEND THE CYCLOPS SAGA AT ANY GIVEN POINT. If this saga has no fans I'M DEAD. It's soooo, i don't really know how to describe it but it feels like a musical musical. With the characters running around i can imagine the stage and props. This saga is so good and i'm tired of pretending it's bad. Ok anyway back to My Goodbye, THIS SONG SLAPS!! Athena's voice is amazing and this song is so fun to siiiing!!! "if you claim you are so much wiser? why's your life spent all alone? You are alone!" OK GAGGEDDD

The Ocean Saga - Ruthlessness. This saga altered my brain chemestry i fear. If there's one thing about me, i LOOOOVEEE choirs and chants. When the ocean saga came out i had a hyperfixiation on the GOW games and Ruthlessness starting with the ensamble chants "Poseidon. Poseidon!!!" was right up my alley. There are parts of this song that i really didn't like at first (sometimes the heavy rock influence made me skip it) but the more i listen to it the more i grow to love it. GET IT POSEIDOOOON!! Oh also this saga came out while i was spending my summers at the beach so it was just fitting.

The Circe Saga - There Are Other Ways. A lot of these are the last song of the saga huh... WELL. This song is a showstopper. What can you even say about it??? it's literally built different. The Circe saga wasn't my favorite and it's taken me a while to not skip songs in it BUT i've grown. This song was a instant banger though, Circe's voice is incredible and she SHINES in this. It's also just good. i'm running out of words BUT YOU GET IT!! IT'S THERE ARE OTHER WAYS WHAT MORE CNA YOU SAY??? The Underworld Saga - No Longer You. THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE MUSICAL SO FAR. Everything about it is SOOOO well done and executed. The waltz tempo, the foreshadowing and the ending with the ensamble???? i told you i'm a sucker for chants and choirs. This is (to me) a perfectly done musical song. It's absolutely stellar. The softness of Tiresias' voice draws you in and makes you believe his role (especially because of the tempo change. "time i've unlocked it" and having a tempo change from the rest of the musical?? SO CLEVER!!) I don't know what else to say but i remember saying to my friend that even if the rest of the musical is trash it is still worth listening just for this song.

The Thunder Saga - Scylla (SCREAMS) this song is. wow. just wow. There's a lot of callbacks and yet it feels fresh thanks to Scylla's incredible voice. The softness at the start and how it slowly unveils into a raw enchantment. The way she haunts the entire song, even if only the end is about the actual monster. The tension between Odysseus and Eurylochus. Also a moment i love is the "You are quiet today" "Not much to say" ODYSSEUS. MR I TALK MY WAY OUT OF EVERYTHING DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TO SAY??? yeah that means we are dying. And lastly Odysseus harmonizing with Scylla?? NO WORDS. NO CRUMBS. ATE.

The Wisdom Saga - All of them?? Ok listen. Usually with epic saga's i always have one song that i like over the rest. BUT THIS ONE??? HOW COULD YOU CHOOSE???

Legendary is the PERFECT character introduction for Telemachus, it's sweet and earnest. He's a boy yearning to find his place in the world and also asking himself where his father's legacy will lead him. It's refreshing and summery, and great!! ALSO... Boy...

Little wolf. is NOT what i expected, it's so much better. AND ATHENA'S COMEBACK TO THE STORYYYYYY!!! this song feels like when you play a zelda game and you slowly help link grow stronger.

We'll be fine is also adorable. I love telemachus in this and it's great to have Athena's incredible vocals back in the musical! "You are a good kid" sobbing. The fact that Athena finally understands that giving up on mortals because of their flaws isn't how she'll make them succeed. it's good

Love in Paradise I really wish Calypso has another song in the future BUT the second half of this has me singing "aaAAaAAAAATHEENAAAA" since it came out. Also the voice for Calypso is soooo cooool <3 <3 <3 please let Odysseus out tho my mans is not having a fun time

GOD GAMES. Ok we all KNEW she was going to be THAT girl. ever since the snippet of Aphrodite's verse came out i've been OBSSEEESSED. Do i wish this song was a little longer... yes... BUT IT'S JUST BECAUSE I WANT MOREEE The idea of each god being a "level" for Athena to beat is genius. And the way each section sounds different is so fun!!! AND ZEUS AT THE END???? ok like we all KNOW she's that girl. and it's honestly a testament to the rest of the songs that this isn't my favorite from the saga.

Gosh this was a lot of yapping

[fanstuffrantings]

Would love your headcannons/thoughts on how you'd do GMG differently if you have them! Sometimes with the later arcs they're so bad it's tricky to think how they could go better I feel because the fundamentals are flawed rather than just a few bits you can ignore. Does your version of Mavis still turn up and strategise? I kinda love that thought because I can see your version of Mavis running things like it's a battle even though its much less of a big deal 🤣

Ah this might be a long one. I do want to note, we're only on episode 171, but I do distinctly remember most of the arc since I liked it so much as a teenager (it does have some good moments in spite of my complaints.)

Gonna put it under the cut!

So first: I actually am torn about how I'd handle the existence of Mavis in the grand magic games. I kind of like the idea of her only appearing to Cana because (in my rewrite) she actually fully passes her magic to Cana on Tenrou leading to her spirit being tied to her directly. She can leave the island because she goes where her essence does.

That said I'm also really liking the idea of Hyper serious Mavis who is otherworldly and militaristic, being incredibly reactive and emotional due to her competitive spirit. Her swapping from being upright and poised to Sports coach in an instant as she wills the guild to win is so incredibly funny to me.

Next: in the lead into the grand magic games we do a training arc. Most focus would be on Lucy and team Natsu would seperate. I mentioned in an earlier post we should've had a mentor figure who is a celestial mage and this would be the arc where they get the most screentime. They'd have been introduced pretimeskip and them training lucy would've been set up as a "once you get back from tenrou we have things to discuss" bit. During this arc Lucy learns about the concept of star dresses (she isn't able to use them for a while), how different spirit combinations can produce new attacks, and also heavily focuses on strengthening how well she can maintain multiple summoned spirits. We could get glimpses of the other characters doing training of their own but part of this mini arc would be to set up anticipation for what everyone else learns in their time away.

Raven tail not being one of the competing guilds would open up the chance for us to have someone else take their place and remove the Lucy vs Flare fight, replacing it with a fair fight instead where we actually see how much Lucy has grown as a mage and build up a high of her winning before we have the Minerva fight where the cruelty of sabertooth is shown. Lucy gets at least 1 win. It would make the Minerva loss hit harder and honestly make Minerva work better as an antagonist in my opinion if we get relatively clean and fair matches up until she arrives. She never outright breaks rules so no one can penalize her, but she does make things hell for fairy tail.

I'd have the audience be less of a hive mind in reacting to what happens in the games. Add In a mix of jeers and cheers for various guilds. Have side characters from magnolia who still love the fairy tail guild be in the audience voicing their support. In general just add some variety to the reactions we get.

Overall I'd probably keep the general plot outline the same outside of this, however I'd make things less one note. None of this "all guilds only stand a chance because the tenrou crew wasn't there" nonsense. Each guild gets highlighted as a strong presence in its own right. Though I will admit, I'd swap out Jura for a different mage in Lamia Scale because them allowing a wizard saint to compete feels like a conflict of interest. He can still be there as a character to interact with, just not competing.

Similarly I'd remove Jellal as Mystogan because i was under the impression people knew mystogan was inactive and the choice to include him was only done to give Jellal more presence in the plot, when him running an almost espionage like mission during the games with Crime Sorciore works fine on its own. We don't need to tie his plot directly into the fairy tail guild, focus instead on how he plays off Ultear and Meledy and the mission they came for. This does mean Cana would be our team B main stay instead of swapping in.

I mentioned in my complaints that someone else should've gone through the time gate Lucy creates and and I stand by that. I think whoever makes it through stating that everyone is gone and Lucy gave her life for the chance of a redo would be way better than her dying randomly trying to protect Natsu. It would also just fit what I know of the lore far better.

I don't even know what to say about the fanservice fight because conceptually it could be a funny cut away moment, but also it's really grossly handled and purely done to cater to the viewers in a way that sours me on it. So I'm ignoring it.

I think my last major note (with my current memory) outside of "1v1 battles need to be better written" is I'd actually consistently show the streets of the city to be very celebratory and excited. I really did enjoy the drinking party where we saw Fairy tail meet Bacchus and just have fun. We need more of that as well as the general idea that during the games the city is constantly alive. It would make the eventual dragon appearances and shift from revelry to terror more poignant. It would also help lean into the idea that most viewers only see the games as a spectical with no real care for the wizards competing when we have guild members get hospitalized while parties still go on.

I do want to note: I may have more to say once we finish the arc. But for now this is it!

[curedeity]

Yooo!!!! Anyone wanna see all the assets I made for the first part of my hikaru visual novel!

First of all, I was honestly surprised by how few I had. Even then, theres a lot I wouldve wanted to put more effort into. Its good this is just a prologue then, as it let me figure out what worked for me

These are all six Hikaru sprites I made for this first part of the game. I really like all of them, except the angry sprite, which I struggled with the posing of (might try redrawing it). Her design was pretty simple, I went off the show pretty closely while changing a few of the colors slightly. I decided pretty early on not to shade my sprites, so I would feel more confident about making more. I also decided to give her two more neutral sprites, one a bit more serious, so I could switch between them for different emotional moments in dialogue.

Ryo only got three sprites, which is a testament to how much I hate drawing this man and how much. well. he really just had some of the easiest emotional beats for me to capture. I like his neutral sprite (the first one) the best and am very proud of it!

Madokas sprites... I love them, but now I'm worried because I realized I want to give her a different, maybe slightly more grown up design for later portions. I worry that her using her fusion outfit accidently complicates people's understanding of when this takes place. Either way, if i want to change her, I'll just change her, but dnndlbgbgdjgjlbs sorry for any confusion that might cause. Im actually very happy with all her sprites! Her thinking sprite was the funnest to come up with

These are my backgrounds. Im sure you can tell which ones I had screenshots to base them on. I'm very proud of Madoka's workshop, but otherwise, I plan to work on my background skills a lot. They're very fun and I want to improve at them!

Now, there are two more art assets im not posting here, which are the two ending cgs. So if you want them... Well actually the video only includes the good one but i have a video of the good ending on my blog! please go check it out! the game is also posted to my discord server.

As a bonus though! Here are some development drawings.

In the first draft, I used a completely different sort of sprite shot. I also directly color picked from her reference with no changes. And I hadnt figured out how to draw her hair.

So these first drafts included a lot of changes to Madoka's design... that I just forgot to include in my redraws. Welp, next time you see her, she might be beat up! I had a lot of solid concepts for what i wanted her sprite work to look like, so just transferred that into my redraws.

[aotopmha]

For today, in terms of MSQ, I only did the level 95 dungeon and entered the zone after it.

(And then did a bunch of other stuff.)

So, spoilers!

I'm pretty certain this is the cutoff point for the first half of Dawntrail.

And I'm a little bit underwhelmed by Wuk Lamat in particular so far. All of the other characters were side characters to begin with, so getting more out of them than expected was a welcome surprise.

But Wuk is very much positioned as the main character.

And so much time was spent with her, yet somehow I feel like there is just something missing in her arc.

So far I think I have the same issue with her character I ultimately had with Lyse, plus other nuances. (And this is coming from someone who ended up liking Lyse.)

But first I'll address what I like about her character as of this point in the story.

Firstly, since I brought her character up again, I like that unlike Lyse, Wuk is fighting for the country she grew up in.

Yes, Stormblood discusses Lyse's self-righteousness, but she had no true ties beyond her father and sister in Ala Mhigo, characters we never see/are dead. Conrad and Mefrid exist, but she has no particularly strong ties with them (and Raubahn) beyond working together for the general goal of freedom.

So it feels like she fights for the cause because it is right, rather than having any true personal ties to the locations. And that's a solid motivation given the circumstances of the story. But why add that aspect to her character if it doesn't ultimately matter?

Wuk's entire arc is about learning about her birthplace, but more specifically a place she has actual "personal" ties with, rather than having a memory/legacy tied to it. We actually see her siblings and her father, so tangible connections to her as a character.

This is why I really like that she ended up appointing Koana as Dawnservant alongside her. It shows her growth and connection to him.

Secondly, I really like the Warrior of Light's and the Scions' mentor role here. It puts Wuk's (and Koana's) flaws in perspective, giving them intention. I adore that the writers found a natural role for them that doesn't downplay their achievements, but still allows them to go back into an adventurer's role.

And third, those sincere moments with Wuk's family I wished for? We got some more of them. As said, we got that moment with Koana at the ascension ceremony where she asks him to become Dawnservant with her, but the one with Bakool Ja Ja, someone that is not "family", was actually the most effective to me.

Genuine, in-the-moment empathy for a terrible situation.

They're simple, but just having those few moments of straight-forward emotional sincerity went a long way. And I'm happy we got that little bit with Rruk at the wrap-up, too.

So, this all sounds great.

So what is the issue here?

Well, the story really wants you to know how much Wuk Lamat has grown and just how cool she is.

This was my issue with Lyse. The story felt the need to push her as a main character, rather than just letting her arc happen.

It needs to ask you what your opinion of her is. It needs to tell you just how much progress Wuk Lamat is making.

It makes sense to some extent with the mentor arc given to the Scions and WoL mentioned above, but it still felt so overwhelming to me how much the story wants to push her as awesome rather than just letting her be as she is.

Remove all of that and she is automatically a much better character because the story already does all of the work to make her journey gradual and intentional.

We had a moment like this with Hythlodeus and Emet back in Endwalker, few times with Alphinaud across the game and perhaps a few times with Estinien and G'raha.

But it's really prominent with Lyse and Wuk. Just let the characters be who they are and let people decide whether they like said characters or not.

So, ultimately I think I just want a few more moments to solidify Wuk's arc that don't rely on her "default" mindset and for the narrative to stop pushing her so hard as main character.

One of the strongest scenes in the story so far was the campfire scene between Thancred, Urianger and Koana and the entire point of that scene was about being your honest self even if it is difficult or scary.

So, in my opinion, the story pushing Wuk like this feels contradictory to its spirit.

Aside from my opinions on Wuk, I will reiterate that I love the cultures and locations of the expansion so far. The pacing within its own ecosystem is so much better in comparison to expansions that have tried to do the same idea (ARR, StB, even perhaps HW).

Some of the cultures in the previous expansions are more interesting to me, but I think all of the ones in Dawntrail so far are more gracefully presented.

I think this might be my favourite aspect of the writing so far. Just really well done "societal" stories.

All of this said, the third dungeon was fantastic. Great environmental storytelling and bosses and an incredibly compelling mystery derived from it. I'll probably make a full post about it at some point.

But the detail I like the most about this mystery being put here is that I really have no idea what to guess here. With character motivations and a formula present, you have some backing and framing, but the mystery involving that gate could really be almost anything since as of now, the characters dismissed Allagans.

Maybe it is still Allagans or Ascians or Reflections, but you don't know. And that is incredibly exciting to me. An entirely new mystery to think about.

[greghatecrimes]

I like you and i don't think you're a bad person but I feel like you don't understand Thirteen as a character, you seem to idolize the hollow caricature of her you've created that allows you to insert yourself inside. I'm telling you, you don't need to look like Olivia Wilde to talk about your passions and interests!

You don't have to attribute these things to a fictional person, you can let go of the mask and just be truly you! I promise you will find a new appreciation for Thirteen, and more importantly yourself. I wish you all the peace and love in the world, and I hope my words help you find yourself. Take care 💖

Wow, this was so enlightening for me about my insecurities and the inner workings of my psyche! Even more than five years of therapy, EMDR, and an entire psychology degree!! Anon, I’m assuming you’re the same person that sent me the ask I answered this morning. I see now that I assumed wrongly when I answered that ask under the belief that it was just genuine curiosity. The huge irony here is that I’ve grown a lot over the past five years, and lately I’ve been reflecting on how I’m in a place now where I’m perfectly happy to be who I am, to love what I love, to be unapologetically me. As a follower of my sideblog on tumblr (not even my main blog!!!) you’re only seeing a tiny portion of who I really am as a person (because I KNOW you’re not someone that knows me in real life). Having said that, it certainly takes a HELL of a lot of audacity to come into MY inbox and tell me on anon that you think you know me and my insecurities and how I think about Thirteen better than I know all of those things about myself. 

This is actually HILARIOUS to me, because I WISH the things I “hide behind a character”, as you would say, were as simple as passions and interests. When I was talking about attributing emotions to fictional characters, I didn’t mean silly things like the fact that I like video games, or being a cat person, or even deeper things like being autistic/ADHD (which I 100% admit, when I headcanon the House characters as neurodivergent, that is me projecting because I wish we had more ND representation in media. And you know what? PROJECTION IS OKAY. this is TUMBLR. I reblog fucking pony versions of my favorite characters! I write crack headcanons! Bestie, I’m just trying to de-stress on this blog. 95% of the stuff I post here is not as serious as you’re trying to make it.) Here’s the short version of my REAL “insecurities that I project into a hollow caricature of Thirteen” for you: I grew up being abused. I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions. Ever. I wasn’t allowed to have any needs. Ever. Now I have post traumatic stress disorder and my life is a mess. My life kind of sucked for the first 21 years and guess what? It still kind of sucks right now! I write and think about Thirteen processing trauma she might have faced in her life because it’s cathartic to me as someone who is healing from their own trauma, and to help myself cope with living in an actively stressful/shitty environment. (And guess what? It's a clinically approved coping mechanism. I highly doubt my therapist of five years would let me invest so much time and effort and emotion into a hollow caricature of a person that leads me to lose sight of who I really am!)

This is fanfiction and tumblr headcanons, not a published writing gig. You clearly care too much about my characterization of Thirteen aligning with yours, and unfortunately for you, I don’t. I write what I write because I want to read it. If you want to write her a certain way, no one’s stopping you! Make your own tumblr posts! Write your own damn fanfics! I’m not the authority on Thirteen and I’ve never pretended to be. If you don’t like anything about my characterization of Thirteen, then fucking move on. I’ve put way too much time and effort into giving everyone in my life the benefit of the doubt and striving to be the bigger person, to be the nicest person. And you know what? I’ve spent my entire life being ashamed of what I think and doubting everything I feel. I’ve already got five years and counting of working to undo that damage. I’m not about to let an anon on tumblr make me feel the same shame and doubt about my thoughts and writing for one of my favorite characters.

[dumbass-tumbler-cryptid]

Would Spider in the games use a bow as his weapon of choice, like in the movie, or an ax, or maybe something else? And what about Kiri's weapons? (If they decided to fight instead of hiding)

So I went back and rewatched Hunger Games last night (and wow did I not appreciate that movie as a kid. I'm so excited to rewatch all the other movies now) so I've got a lot of new ideas for the Hunger Games Avatar A.u.

First I learned from an explainer video that kids aren't actually allowed to train for the Hunger Games. The career tributes get away with it because they're training to be peacekeepers but everyone else is just out of luck. So every character I mentioned training would have to do it in complete secret. So for Spider, since his parents live in victors village and are filthy rich after winning the games, they have a training room in their basement. It's not nearly as fancy as anything from the Capital. In fact Quaritch built most of it himself. And if anyone asks Spider isn't allowed down there. The training room is just for mom and dad. The room is stocked with every weapon under the sun, so Spider would be well versed in any weapon that could be put into the games but yeah he'd prefer a bow over anything. I could also see him with a knife or a spear but I think an ax might be too brutal of a weapon for him.

I think Kiri would also go for a less brutal weapons, bow, knives, those sort of things but really I think she'd get by more like Peeta, and Rue. Making alliances, using the environment to her advantage (I'm thinking of the trackerjackers here, which even though Katniss was the one to cut down the nest it was Rue who gave her the idea) and basically just surviving since they said in the movie that most kids die from exposure, dehydration and starvation.

Also after watching the movie I realized they kinda couldn't just hide the entire time because the gamemakers would push them towards the action. I guess the scene with Katniss and Peeta in the cave just took up way more of memory then it did the actual film. So yeah let me revise hiding to being stealthy, camouflaging themselves to blend with their surroundings, setting traps for career tributes but never going after anyone that's not down with the child murder games. I could even see them setting out food and clean water for less capable tributes.

Bonus thoughts you didn't ask for but I forgot to put in my original post because I was insanely sleep deprived when I wrote it:

In my head like how Katniss was nicknamed the girl on fire, I thought of Paz being nicknamed the spider queen after her arachnid trap won her the games. The Capital is obsessed with the fact that she named her son Spider ( and as I write this I'm realizing she pretty much named her son after herself instead of Quaritch which I kinda love) and low key I bet all the kids would be mini celebrities.

I started watching Catching Fire and in that Haymitch says flat out that the show never ends. That each family would get dragged out every year, there lives constantly watched for entertainment. Which was kinda what I was thinking when I wrote about the quarter quell. The citizens of the Capital would have watched each of these families grown. They would have seen the parents grow from teenagers to adult, probably cheered for them as they had their kids and built "happy" lives (i remember in an explainer video that averaged capital citizens actually didn't like the 75th Hunger Games too much because they had such an attachment to the past victors. Now imagine that, plus you watched their kids grow up, and now you're probably going to watch those kids die. I imagine the emotions of the watchers would be at a fever pitch)

Anyway this was a really long winded way of getting to what I really wanted to say and that is that I had outfit ideas for Spider and Paz's chariot entrance in the quarter quell, lol. They wouldn't be dressed up like trees or lumber jakes like most tributes from district 7, they'd be decked out in opulent spider motifies. I imagine Paz with a spider web vail fixed to her long dark curls by a silver circlet that has one ruby teardrop that hangs in the middle of her forehead, blood red lips, sharp red nails, and a tight black dress. Spider is high key uncomfortable because he can see everyone lusting over his hot mom, and he matches her, like her little spider prince, with an off the shoulder spider web capelet, a spider shaped cravat with a ruby in the center, and fitted black suit (like world war 2 dress uniforms. I couldn't find a better name for it) his hair pulled back tight and tucked into his collar. He fucking hates it and so does his mom but they have to play nice for the cameras soo...

I'll probably get more ideas for this au as I keep watching the movies so if you like this au send me ideas! I've got some thoughts on how to go about an ending now (who gets captured, who dies (though I don't want anyone to die)) but I do want to actually watch Mockingjay so I can fully form these ideas.

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tags @somethingclevermahogony, @elsie-writes, and @frostedlemonwriter!

Find the Word Tag

I'll do all these in one, why the fuck not?

My words: laugh, cozy, answer, entire, brown, fish, run, screech, down, drumming, intense, swallow, inspire

Your words: dwell, thick, circus, berry

Ok, Honor's Outcasts, let's do this. I just checked and I've got fish in there a total of 74 times, this is gonna be fun

. . . .

<Today's the first day of Jasartra Eim, so I planned on doing some meditation around the fifteenth hour. If you care to join me, we can check the traps afterwards.>

<It's not that long a ritual,> he added as Izjik grimaced.

It wasn't that she was opposed to religion. Hell, she found it beyond impressive that Sepo had kept his faith throughout the conflagration that was his life, even if it was a faith that had a history of drowning innocent people. But her record when it came to gods was... messy.

<I take it you'll pass. Sorry....> Sepo was well aware of what had landed her in the highest security oubliette Illaros had to offer.

"It's fine." She forced a laugh. "Meditation's just not really my thing."

.

Izjik now knew why Sepo always complained about their cozy tenement. He'd grown up in a place like this, hadn't he? In luxury. A single damn rug here made their rooms seem like a sty!

Where they weren't coveted with strange, gorgeous curtains, the marble blocks were a furor of swirling gold and white. Their steps echoed around the vast room, bouncing off of carved columns, only to be absorbed by the weird image-bearing cloths. The whole place smelled like the first breeze of a honeysuckle summer.

.

Undeta swept her hand back and forth, as if bored, though no such emotion showed in her eyes. "Yes, you've sung this song a hundred times. From the moment we picked you up at that dingy hovel you thought you could lie low in, you've been singing away like a little canary. Tell me, Tyche, did you think it would save you?"

Tyche looked away, not bothering to answer. She'd been a fool trying to play both sides. A greedy, grasping fool. She'd thought herself, if not able to play the game exactly, then able to at least cheat off of those who knew the rules. But little did she know, she'd never even realized what pieces the powers of the world were using.

.

Maybe Izjik should've been more curious about the occult cloud that had shaded her entire life, yet she couldn't quite bring herself to it. Never once had she wanted to learn more about End and what made her its flesh exactly. She'd get those answers, to find out what the sirens wanted with her at least, but damn if she wasn't scared of what they'd be.

.

Sepo had always been one of those people who looked like shit no matter how much they slept or ate, but under the gilded light, Izjik failed to hold in her shock at how wasted he seemed.

The man had practically aged ten years in three months - quite the feat for someone whose golk could live well over three centuries and not look a day over twenty-five. Sepo’s cheeks were nearly as sunked as they'd been when the pair had first met, and his eyes were ringed with shadow. At his temples, Izjik noticed several streaks of gray shining amidst the brown.

With a chuckle, Izjik poked at the side of his head.

"We match," she smiled, ruffling her own head of silver.

<Actually, this whole thing was just a plan to steal your look,> Sepo signed with a smirk. <I've decided gray is going to be my color from now on.>

.

Upon making his way over to the rest of the gaggle, Djek discovered them to be in full scheming mode. Which meant Sepo was plotting with Twenari in rapid-fire handsigns, while Izjik interjected with the occasional observation or revelation that something was stupid or the plan was terrible.

Surprisingly enough, the fish seemed to be acting perfectly civil around each other. They weren't back to their full swing, sibling-level banter, but they were at least speaking. Djek figured the pair wouldn't have lasted long in the Trench if they didn't know how to act professional in a time of crisis. Thank the gods for small mercies.

.

Fear now accompanying pain, the woman tore off a strip of her shirtsleeve and jammed it desperately against the wound, fresh needles of pain cropping up with the pressure.

How could she fix a gut wound? Panic mounting, Izjik recalled an instance from her childhood.

In her eleventh year, one of the hunters had run afoul of a tusked water deer during a patrol. It hadn't been a deep wound, the buck not being more than a little thing, but the puncture had been pretty close to where hers was now. Everyone had been sure brawny Raluheh would pull through. Five agonizing, rot-fulled days later, the enclave had been proven wrong.

.

"You- you're sparing me?" the siren coughed out.

Sepo gestured for him to go with a jerk of his chin.

"But what about our deal?" he whined. "You have no idea what I-"

Sepo cut off his complaints by shoving him towards the alley's exit.

"You little ingrate! You can't just expect me to leave without an answer!" Cintillios screeched.

Sepo shrugged, then brandished his dagger as if weighing it against the priest's freedom.

"You will give me an answer, you mute abomination! Even if I have to force it from your lips!"

.

Slipped inbetween Izjik’s arguments was a hard, dead silence.

"That doesn't mean I can't make my own calls!"

There was a hissed breath in response, then more silence.

"Like you would've done any different? Be honest!"

Breathe, breathe. In and out.

Twenari sighed, moving over to plop down onto their raggedy little settee. It wasn't like an argument was uncommon for the pair. Hell, she's heard them argue over the color of a woman's hat once. A woman, she might add, who'd been standing right next to then in a bank queue, and whose blushing face had perfectly complimented her obviously blue hat.

There'd been more serious discussions too, but when those had coma along, both seafolk seemed to rein it in a bit. Izjik’s voice lost its fiery indignation while Sepo toned down his typical vitriol.

That balance wasn't happening now. In fact, from what she could hear and deduce, the two were pulling out all the nasty, petty stops.

.

Twenari pawed at her eyes, knowing her life may depend on clearing them more quickly than her opponent. She spied a hazy shape before her, unrecognizable for a moment with its golden locks singed an ashen black. Tyche clawed at her own face, muscles tensed in pain. Twenari guessed the Ekektan was screaming. Only guessed though - all the girl could hear was an intense ringing.

.

A moment of silence followed in both rooms, the sort that felt painful to maintain, yet too awkward to break. However, Twenari hadn't gotten to where she was in life by listening to social cues. Swallowing, she screwed up her courage and stammered the question.

"Um, Djek, are you holding up ok?"

For a second, the Amaranthi's gap-toothed smile seemed frozen in place, shocked into a state of preservation while any happiness drained from his eyes.

"I, uh, I'm doing great. What are you talking about?" He chuckled unconvincingly. "You know me, heart of nails and all that."

Twenari didn't dignify that last part with any response more than a deadpan stare.

. . . .

And that's a wrap! Open tag because I'm tired :)

[atopearth]

Shall we Date? Wizardess Heart Part 39 - Randy March Sequel

Finally the true last post of this game haha! I'm still shocked that I never played this hahaha. Anyway, Randy playfully getting the heroine to feed him cookies and then licking her fingers omgg loll! I love Taffy, he's so funny and cute. It's sad that Randy has to experience disappointment after disappointment after every concoction he makes hoping it would heal the real Randy's petrification doesn't end up working. But it's sweet that both him and the heroine are quite positive alongside Taffy! Honestly, I've always enjoyed Amelia and the heroine's relationship, they're so cute and funny. Maybe she can't solve the heroine's problems, but she's always there to hear her out and I think that's great. I have to agree that travelling on giant Taffy is the best thing ever.

Every time the heroine laments about what she'll do after graduating, it makes me feel so down because it's a problem I've been thinking about for more than 10 years and I still don't know what I want to do with my life haha. But seeing her actually have a dream but just be afraid that she's not capable makes me feel happier for her, because she has a goal, she's just not sure if she can do it, but really, with her skills, her hard work and Randy's support and encouragement, there's no way she can't. I'm glad she was finally able to tell him that she loves him though, Randy looked so happy. It must be so difficult for him to face the real Randy and his parents again. He caused them to "lose" their child all these years.. Randy's mother being so understanding is so heartbreaking. Taffy being the real Randy's familiar is unsurprising I guess, but it's actually really sweet to know that Taffy was a stuffed toy he had since childhood, and that the first thing he did when the real Randy could use magic was to bring Taffy to life. As someone who also really loves my stuffed toys, I can understand those sentiments of truly cherishing something you've had with you for a long time. I'm glad Taffy also feels the same and loves the real Randy just as much. I agree with the heroine that Serge never felt like he was "pretending" to be Randy, at most, it would be how he was influenced by Randy and changed because of him.

Lmao at Klaus saying the old Serge was a difficult guy to be around and that Randy was acting like that now, and then Sigurd says he's the last person that should be saying that considering how difficult he is🤣 I love how Taffy came out of nowhere to save the day haha, it's not a Randy route without Taffy, they're a team forever! I agree that Randy needs to make an Anywhere Phone so that he can always talk to Taffy even if they separate from each other (since Taffy will probably go with the real Randy), and it was so sweet to see Taffy call him Serge😭 The heroine deciding to transfer to Queensblade for the magic creature medicine course was really cool! I love how decisive she is towards her goals. It's sad that she's leaving everyone and going to school somewhere else but I'm happy for the heroine, and I loved her answer that yeah trying your best doesn't mean you'll definitely achieve your goals but giving up is a different story. If you love something, you should work your hardest towards it. Maybe it won't work out but it's better than regretting you didn't try. I loved how everything she learnt revolved around Randy and through each other they both grew as people, it's crazy to see how much the heroine has grown and how much more confident she is.

I can't believe the heroine was planning to leave without telling anyone! I understand her perspective but it's just so cruel to deny people the chance to say goodbye to her. I'm glad Elias busted her haha. Honestly, I didn't think I'd get emotional especially when it's obvious, but when Randy dripped a bit of the potion on the petrified cloth to check if it works before he used it on the real Randy, I couldn't help but want to cry seeing it work. Randy has gone through so many failures, suffered so much guilt throughout the years that seeing everything finally work out made me so happy for him. I was so happy for them when Randy woke up and was able to talk to the people he loved, but extremely sad to see him go back into a comatose state, I felt very sad for Serge. I'm very glad we got to see the real Randy wake up eventually and properly and get to see Serge and the heroine's child but omg, I understand why they call her Candy but noooo, that name is so silly hahaha. I'm still happy though because it's nice to know how happy they are.

Overall, I'm really sad to really say goodbye to Wizardess Heart for real now because just playing this route again made me remember how much I loved Randy and all the guys. Sure, not every route was great but that's to be expected with so many LIs and stories, but I definitely enjoyed them all enough that I'll remember them all fondly. In terms of the sequel itself, I really enjoyed seeing Randy's dream come true, and I really enjoyed the dilemma of whether Taffy would go back with real Randy and stuff like that. I liked seeing them struggle with their difficulties in seeing the real Randy and Serge doing his best to achieve his goal. But I guess what I enjoyed most was seeing the heroine grow so much that she had decided to move to Queensblade to fulfill her dream even if it meant she had to leave all her friends behind. I love her bravery and strength, and I love the support she and Serge give to each other as partners. It felt really heartwarming to watch over them and I'm really happy that I got to finish the game watching over how happy they are. However, I do have to say, I think all the guys deserved a sequel so I'm sad that the others never got that, but yeah oh well, I will definitely miss this game and would always recommend it for mobile otome players haha, it might feel dated but the stories are very heartwarming.

[draquus]

Tears of the Kingdom spoilers ahead:

I am playing TotK for the second time now, and I'm sad because it's a somewhat disappointing experience. The first playthrough, I was really drawn in by the story, and the experience of exploring the depths.

Now, all the tension of the story is just completely gone, because it was all dependent on believing Zelda's sacrifice was a profoundly meaningful thing. But the way the story ends, it just...isn't. She gets to go back, doesn't even remember being a dragon at all. Link gets completely fixed up with no consequences.

I am not, and this is important, complaining about it having a happy ending. I think Link being able to save Zelda is a really important thing, and it wouldn't have been a game I could fully enjoy if he hadn't. I just wish it felt earned. I wish he had to sacrifice something (like, you know, his arm). I wish there had been some connection between him and Raru and Sonia to justify their being able to fix things at the end. Were their spirits trapped somehow, and his freeing them gave them the ability to actually help? (Yes, that is the plot of BotW, but at least it's a plot). I wish Zelda's sacrifice left some mark on her, whether physical or emotional. I wish we had a better sense of how long she was in the past. It kind of seems like it might have been a year or more, but it also feels like about a week. I spent my whole first playthrough motivated by the deep sadness and pity evoked every time i saw the Light Dragon in the sky, but now I just can't make myself care.

And like, I get it, some plots just don't have as much tension when you know how they end. But the whole game is kind of like that. I have no desire to re-explore the Depths, because now I know there's almost nothing there. Once you realize it's just an inverse map, with few points of interest and a lot of repetition, the motivation is just gone. The sky is even worse. I was getting sick of it even on the first playthrough. There are no biomes; there are repetitive enemies, repetitive puzzles, and no story. Part of what made BotW so enjoyable to play and replay was how every new place told you something about itself and its history. For example, the broken guardians were a constant reminder of Link's failure, but they weren't just there. You could see why some outposts had survived, an why others hadn't, just from the placement of the dead (and sometimes terrifyingly alive) guardians. You could see the tragedy of a failed last stand, or a forgotten victory against all odds, written in the world around you. I played BotW at least six times, and it only felt a little overly familiar when I had basically memorized everything. I can't fault TotK for not being that level of amazing (BotW is in a league of its own), but I feel like it doesn't even try.

Now, don't get me wrong. TotK is still a fun game. It's just all the things it does best (the weapons, the building, the different abilities), are not really the things I love about Zelda. I did enjoy the actual dungeons, but they were mostly too short and too similar to the divine beasts. Only two of them (wind and lightning) really had interesting story elements. The things I love about Zelda games are the stories, the puzzles, the atmosphere, and the characters. This game seemed like it had all those elements at the beginning, but none of them really came through in the end.

Also, there is nothing about Raru and Sonia's child. Like, it's fine that he/she is not a major player, but we need to know why. Is it because it's a baby? Who has this baby, and why do we never see Raru & Sonia (the Good Parents) actually taking care of their child? Is (as seems more likely) their child already mostly grown and maybe having adventures somewhere else? Then why is he/she not at all involved in the Imprisoning War? Like, again, I can think of several answers to these questions, but there needs to be at least a hint.

Anyway, I do want to reiterate that this is not a bad game. It's just a frustrating mix of fantastic pieces that don't quite come together.