#she's JONESING. she's probably been denied her purpose for YEARS. she CRAVES the taste of nailheads slamming against her face

[conkreetmonkey]

Ok, so a) Tumblr lags when I go to reblog this post, I've closed and reopened the tab and it keeps happening, and b) I can't see the replies for this post (I just get the red exclamation point error message), yet can look at those of others... on and c) literal seconds ago @stunfiskz sent me a Discord message mentioning that Discord was "shitting itself" on his end, so... guys, I think either Tumblr doesn't like Harriet, or Harriet doesn't like Tumblr. Maybe she's a bit camera shy after spending so long corroding? It's ok girl, you're beautiful, I picked you for a reason, you were the best-condition hammer in the store. Just need a lil' detail work. btw her name is Harriet now, I was gonna hold a poll and ask for suggestions and stuff but Stun suggested "Harriet" in that message and it just fits really well so... Harriet! ily Harriet we're gonna hammer and pry so many things together, if it wouldn't put me at risk for tetanus I'd give you a big ol' smooch... I think I'm gonna pull out my old dremel and engrave my initials into one side of your head and your name into the other... ough, she's so gorgeous tho, I can't believe I get to own her... she's pretty and she knows it... baby, come springtime we're gonna build a fuckin' shed, you and me. Driving nails into wood and prying nailed-together things apart, just a gender-confused autist and his/her/their hammer (and maybe some other tools idk, they don't matter as much, I can already tell you're gonna be my favorite...) Oughhh, Harriet, my love... I should probably take you for an actual test run before deciding you're my toolwife, but fuck it. Why am I legitimately afraid of writing down relationship promises I can't keep to a fucking hammer. A hammer that isn't even anywhere near the screen. I can feel her, I know she's reading this. Are you from an estate lot and have an old woman's soul inside of you, Harrie, is that it? You clearly haven't seen a lot of action, yet your fully oxidized skin tells me that you've been waiting for quite some time. Did you get bought, used for one project, and then spent many years waiting alone in the garage, yearning to pound some nails once more? As I type this, I can feel her guiding my hands... she does not approve of me saying "yearning" instead of "waiting" again, but Harriet, baby, you can't say the same word twice in the same sentence, you gotta use a synonym... ok, I changed "hammer some nails" to "pound some nails," and she seemed to like that... Oh, baby, you have such a way with words, I can already tell~ legitimately kind of mildly perturbed with how far I was willing to go with the hammer flirting there... these words are not wholly my own, I may be inclined to believe... how much of a "bit" this is is up to you

got tired of only having one hammer that belonged to the family and having to move it between the house and the garage whenever I needed it, and today I was in the Habitat For Humanity Re-Store, and so... got my very own personal hammer for $7. Behold, my hammer

Seven bucks was an absolute steal, because this thing is in great condition. Doesn't seem to have been used much, still has bits of sticker on it from the hardware store. Grip is flawless, if a bit grimy. Head is on there rock solid, just a lil rust I can sand right off. While she's (I'm gendering my hammer lol, maybe I should name her) perfectly functional as-is, I think I'll give her a lil spa day when I have some free time. Gonna de-rust her head just for the cosmetic aspect of it... yeah, the aged look is pretty nice, ngl, but at the same time I think she deserves a treat. Also gonna clean up her grip, get that sticker residue off her handle, bring her up to 100% condition. And she's really similar to the standard family hammer, so I think I'll mark her as mine somehow... customization... Fuck, I'm anthropomorphising my hammer and I've only had it for a few hours. Once I name her it's all gonna be over.