#she'll come back to judd eventually

[guardian-angle22]

I thought I was just making a fun little gifset of judd with his glasses, but now I'm looking at how much coffee he has in that pot...

and thinking about how he probably wakes up and makes enough coffee for both him and grace out of habit. only to realize grace isn't there.

why have i made myself sad like this???

[sleepyfaceandsnark]

Worry

TK has anxiety about Carlos going back to work.

AO3

If we're still alive My regrets are few If my life is mine What shouldn't I do?

-

TK wakes to the sound of their dresser drawer being opened and shut.  He rolls over and feels that Carlos isn't there. Okay, so someone wasn't breaking in to steal their socks. 

TK sits up slowly. "What're you doing?" 

"Getting ready for work," Carlos says nonchalantly, closing the drawer after he gets what he's looking for. 

"Work?" TK pulls the covers off himself. "Already?" 

"It's been a few weeks," Carlos pulls his shirt over his head. "I have to go back eventually." 

TK makes his way over to his fiancé. "Yeah, but isn't it a little soon?" He asks. "You were kidnapped by a serial killer. You died. If you need someone to vouch for you about that I was literally there. Your dad too." 

"I don't need that," Carlos says.

He looks to TK who's looking down at the ground. Carlos grabs TK's hand and squeezes it. "But thank you." He smiles. 

TK looks at him and sighs. He gives him a small smile but it's still not confident enough for Carlos.

"I'll be fine," he assures TK putting both of his hands on TK's shoulders. "Okay?" 

TK nods. "Okay." 

Carlos moves his hands to TK's cheeks and kisses him. "Okay." He leaves one hand still holding TK's face. "I'll see you tonight." 

TK nods again. His shift starts an hour or so after Carlos', so he'll get home just as Carlos finishes dinner. He keeps that thought in his mind to help him get through the day. Carlos will be back here when he's out of work. He won't be out looking for the boogeyman. He'll be safe. 

-

"What's with you?" Nancy asks.

It's 3 hours into their shift and they've gotten exactly one call so far. Since it's determined as a slow day (though no one says it from fear of jinxing it) they've all been gathered at the dining table for the past half hour. 

"Nothing," TK says. 

"Dude, you're shaking the table," Nancy comments and points to TK's leg. 

TK looks at his leg bouncing and grabs it to stop it. 

"What is it?" Nancy asks again. 

TK bites his lip, not really wanting to say but Nancy's look tells him she'll get it out of him eventually. "Carlos is back at work today." 

"Already?" Paul asks. 

"That's what I said!" TK exclaims. 

"Well, the only one to know if he's ready is himself, right?" Judd comments. "Maybe he is."

"Or maybe he's not but he thinks he needs to be," TK comments. 

"Do you think he's getting pressured to come back?" Paul asks.

"I don't know," TK says. "He told me he chose. Even said they offered him more time, but he denied it but I..." TK looks away, he starts biting his nail. 

"Have you called him?" Paul asks. 

"No," TK drops his hand. "I'm afraid he'll think I think he can't handle it." 

"When it's really you that can't?" Nancy asks. 

"I mean what if he freezes up or what if he goes off on his own again and gets stuck?" TK asks. His eyes are wide just like how they were the day Carlos went missing. 

"I doubt he's going to make that mistake again," Nancy tries to make light of it but TK isn't taking it. 

"Look we all have dangerous jobs," Judd says. "There are no guarantees." 

"I mean look at you. How many near death experiences have you had?" Nancy says. 

The fact that TK is running out of fingers to count them on should tell him something. "Yeah," TK scratches his head. 

"This ought to take your mind off of it," Judd says, putting a plate in front of TK. "My great Aunt's recipe."

TK gives a half assed smile up to Judd. "Thanks, but I'm not really hungry."

TK pushes his chair back and moves away from the table. Nancy, Paul, and Judd watch TK walk over to the TK and sit on the couch. His foot rests on the corner of the coffee table, vibrating like it was at dining table a few minutes ago, as he starts biting his thumbnail again.

Mateo comes back from the restroom and takes TK's spot at the table. He starts complimenting Judd's cooking as the rest look from TK to him.

"What?" Mateo asks, mouth full of food. 

Judd sighs. "Alright. Let's eat. Before Mateo hogs it all." 

Nancy and Paul get in line as they advert their eyes away from TK.  

"Gimme a minute," Nancy says as she slides her phone out of her pocket. 

"What're you doing?" Paul asks. 

"Calling the only other person that can talk TK down." 

Carlos feels his phone vibrate in his pocket. He excuses himself from his coworker as he takes it out of his pocket. The caller ID tells him it's Nancy and it arises a slight panic in him. It's not like she hasn't called him for other reasons, but his body will always flashback to that one call during the blizzard a year ago. 

"Nancy?" 

"Hey!" Nancy greets friendly and Carlos relaxes. 

"Your fiancé'," Nancy draws out playfully. Then she looks over at TK. His leg bouncing, his nail biting, and now his hands gripping his head as if he was begging the thoughts to stop. She sobers up her voice. "TK's worried about you."

Carlos sighs. "I told him I'm fine."

"And you never say that and don't mean it, right?" Nancy asks knowingly. 

Carlos lets out a small laugh. "Maybe. But really, I am."

"Yeah, well he doesn't seem to think that."

"I thought work would take his mind off worrying?" Carlos asks. 

"Yeah, we've gotten about...one call so far?" 

"One?" 

"Mhmm." 

"Jesus," Carlos sighs and looks at the piles of paper in front of him. He rubs his temples.  

"Yeah."

"I'd come by but," Carlos stops to lift one of the piles off and put it on top of another. "Got a lot of paperwork here."

"Yeah of course. It stacks up I bet. Look I just wanted to let you know. TK didn't want to say anything. Didn't want you thinking he didn't trust that you'd know you were okay or something but..."

"Yeah. I'll talk to him at dinner. Or if this workload lightens up." 

"Okay. Hey maybe we'll get a few emergencies in a bit and take his mind off of it."

"Begging for emergencies. You sound like TK." 

Nancy laughs. "You know," she says serious again. "Not that TK hasn't told you a million times, I'm sure, but if you're not ready to be back."

"I know. Thank you."

"No problem." 

They hang up. 

‘Luckily’ about 10 minutes after Nancy hangs up, they get a call and from there it was call after call until their shifts were over. 

TK checks in on Carlos after the second call with Carlos reassuring him again that he’s okay. They get interrupted by TK’s 3rd emergency and then TK doesn't have the time the rest of the night. 

-

-

TK gets home exhausted both physically and mentally. As much as the emergencies took his mind off of worrying for the time being, he still found time to in between. He hates the extreme sigh of relief he breathes out when he opens the loft doors and sees Carlos safe, smiling, setting the table up. 

"Hey, babe," He greets TK with a smile. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." 

TK's stomach was in knots all day but he doesn't want to make Carlos think anything is wrong so he musters the best fake smile he can. "Smells good." 

Carlos turns away to grab the sizzling pan and TK drops his smile. Carlos doesn't notice. He's too busy fixing their plates. TK takes off his jacket and drapes it on the couch as Carlos goes to put the plates on the table. 

"Dinner is-" 

Carlos is cut off by TK grabbing him for a hug. 

"TK?" 

TK doesn't answer, just squeezes tighter. 

Carlos runs his hands on the back of TK's neck and pulls himself to the crook of TK's neck. He rub's TK's sides. "Hey." 

TK pulls away. Carlos grips his face and tries to look into his eyes but TK's are meeting the floor. Carlos takes a quick look back at the dining table, hot food that he spent the past hour making getting cooler by the minute. He looks back at TK. 

"We need to talk," he says. He needs TK's undivided attention, not distracted by food he may or may not eat. 

"Food's getting cold," TK comments.

"Were you going to eat much of it?" Carlos asks fully aware that it was unlikely.  "It was going to get cold either way." 

"You should eat though," Not even defending himself from Carlos' comment. 

"I can wait a bit. Come on," Carlos says. He nudges his head to towards the living room. "I'll be there in a few minutes. Let me just put these away in some containers."

As much as he really wanted a hot home cooked meal this is more important. 

TK listens and disappears to the other side of the loft.

As soon as the food is put away Carlos makes his way over to the couch. TK's leg is shaking ever so slightly in nervousness. If it was anyone else besides Carlos, they wouldn't have even noticed. Carlos touches TK's legs gently as he sits next to him. The shaking stops as if by magic. 

"What'd you want to talk about?" TK asks and Carlos almost laughs. It's so innocent, not that TK was in trouble or anything, but he had to at least have some clue what this was about. 

Carlos sighs and scoots even closer to his fiancé. "Nancy called." 

"She did?" TK asks, genuinely surprised. "When?"

"Earlier today," Carlos says. He tries to wait for TK to connect what it possibly would be regarding but when it's silence for a while Carlos lets it out. "She was worried...about you...worrying about me." Carlos smiles softly.

"That's a lot of worrying," TK comments. He looks to Carlos to laugh it off and let it go but he doesn't. TK sighs and looks down at his hands and starts wringing them. 

"TK..." 

"What? I'm not allowed to worry?"

"No one is saying that," Carlos places his hand on top of TK's. His thumb massages TKs knuckles. 

"It's just...it's too soon." TK says now gripping Carlos' hand "You didn't have enough time. You're not ready to go back." 

"I'm not ready?" Carlos asks. "Or you're not ready for me to go back?" 

"Both?" TK shrugs. 

"TK, I told you-"

"I know what you told me, but you could just be saying that. You're always trying to hide how you feel and I get it but," Tk stops himself. "You don't have to bury it anymore." 

"I know I have a history of doing that, but I promise you I'm ready." 

TK opens his mouth but hesitates. 

"You don't believe me," Carlos says. 

TK sighs. "You don't get it. You died under me. "

"I don't get it?" Carlos asks. His voice is soft, no anger in his voice detected. "You don't think I worry any time you go on a call? With the track record of the 126. You don't think I worry every time Nancy calls like she did today? Thinking it'd be like the snowstorm."

TK tries to look away from Carlos' eyes, but Carlos moves his head so slightly to look back into them.   

"TK you've almost died on me twice, at least once before we met, got kidnapped, and were in apparently 3 comas. I worry about you every minute of every day."

TK looks down but Carlos touches his chin to raise his face back up to his eye line.  "But I trust you and I know you're doing what you love, and I'd never stop you from it. So, I need you to trust me that I know I'm ready to get back and do what I love." 

TK nods slowly. "Doesn't mean I'm going to stop worrying." 

Carlos smiles. "I didn't say you had to. But you can't let it get in the way of work. Or of us." 

TK sighs and smooths his hands over his legs. "Okay," he says softly. 

"Okay," Carlos says back. He grabs TK's hand as he sands back up. 

"I love you," TK says. 

"I love you too," Carlos says back. "Now let's eat. I'm starving and if we hurry it might still be warm." 

Now they wish it was all up from there, anxiety free days for both of them, but there will always be an added worry to both of them now every time they leave the house or part from each other. It's just how life goes. Some days TK gets in his head too much when Carlos doesn't answer the phone right away and Carlos still panics when Nancy calls him even if it's just to ask what snacks to bring for a loft hang after work. They both make promises to talk it out with each other if it gets too much and to never tell the other to quit or leave unless it was truly their best interest. 

[thebisexualdogdad]

I don’t know if you write for Grace from 911 LS but since her actress got upped to series regular, can you do a request where she and the reader make out in the ambulance and get caught by Vega and the 126?

The only person that annoyed Nancy more than TK was you. 

All you had to do was look at her and she was irritated by you. 

"You know you have to get used to working with him eventually," Marjan jokingly told her one day as they watched you and the other guys play a round of basketball in between calls. 

"Everyday he changes the music station on the rig's radio. Every. Day," Nancy groans, "he also takes my yogurt and 'pretends' like he didn't see my name on it." 

"Maybe he does it 'cause he likes you," Marjan grins. 

"Yeah likes to annoy the living hell out of me," Nancy retorts. 

Marjan knew you two would get together one way or another, it was just a matter of time which is why she was the only one not surprised when the 126 found you making out in the rig a few weeks later. 

Owen had cut himself trying to fix his blender and Tommy went to the rig to grab some disinfectants and bandaids, opening the back door to reveal Nancy in your lap and the top few buttons of your shirt undone. 

"Okay Y/N get it," Paul said proudly. 

You and Nancy stared at them awkwardly while Tommy casually grabbed what she was looking for to tend to Owen. 

"Alright kids, nothing to see here," she smiled shooing the others away, she stayed calm but she was just as excited as Marjan to get the details from Nancy. 

Mateo walked into the station with bags full of food in hand, "lunch is here- did I miss something?" 

"Y/N and Nancy were caught smooching in the rig," Judd snickers. 

"What!?" Mateo says excitedly, "Y/N! Why didn't you tell me you and Nancy were kicking it on the down low!" 

"This is the first and last time this will happen!" Nancy tried to clarify as she gets out of the ambulance. 

"So there's no chance of taking this back to my place after our shift?" You ask her with a grin. 

"Shut up Y/N," Nancy states, she starts to walk away but stops and looks back at you, thinking for a second before continuing to get her lunch. 

"She'll be coming by later," Marjan winks at you.