#she’s just a little silly. a little goofy

[mylifesjustacarousel]

femme fatale

pairing: james hook x fem!reader (requested!)

summary: you are the new transfer student at merlin academy, and hook falls head over heels for you when he realizes that he’s not the only pirate on campus anymore

type: fluffy…? very silly goofy

CW: kinda suggestive, reader has a knife

WC: 1.5k

not proofread!

“Who is that?” Hook whispered, nudging Morgie’s shoulder. The two of them were sat in class when a certain someone caught Hook’s eye. Morgie looked up from his book, gazing over at the person in question. You were sat a few rows ahead of the boys, your feet on your desk while you leaned back in your chair.

“Her? I think she’s one of the new transfer students. You know, she’s a pirate too.”

Hook’s interest in you instantly piqued. It wasn’t every day that he met another pirate, or at least one as breathtaking as you. “She’s stunning. You think I should ask her out?” Morgie looked puzzled. “Ask her out? You don’t know her.” Hook scoffed, looking offended. “Look at me, Morgs. I’m irresistible to all.”

When class was dismissed Hook got up, scrambling to get up and walk over to you. He almost tripped on his way over to your seat, catching himself on your desk. “Silly me, I’m already falling head over heels for you. The name is Hook, and you are?” he asked, winking at you. You raised a brow, looking him up and down. Your eyes stopped on his hook. “I see where the name comes from. I’ll call you pirate boy. As for my name?” You got close to him, your faces mere inches apart. “You’ll just have to figure it out, lover boy.” you whispered, getting up from your seat and walking past him. Yes, he was gorgeous. But you liked to have a little fun with your prey before you went in for the kill.

Hook was practically frozen in his spot, absolutely in awe from the interaction that had just occurred. Morgie walked up to Hook, tapping him on the shoulder. “You okay? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a girl reject you like that.” Hook stood up, brushing off his clothes. “No, no. That was far from a rejection. This just turned into a game, and the ball is in my court. She’ll be mine… eventually.”

“What’s he so happy about?” Maleficent asked Morgie in a hushed tone, watching as Hook quite literally skipped into the lair. Morgie giggled, looking up from his book. “He met that new transfer student, y/n, in class today. I can’t really say why he’s so happy, though. He almost fell on his face right in front of her. If that was me, I would’ve started running and never looked back.”

Hook looked over at them, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll have you know that, no, it didn’t exactly work out how I wanted it to. But, she was totally into me. She didn’t really show it on her face, but I could tell.” Maleficent snickered at him. “You think that you have a chance with her? I’m sure that you could get any girl that you wanted, just not her. No, even Uliana is a little scared of her. She exudes so much confidence that it’s actually a little terrifying, and that is coming from me.”

“And that makes me like her even more. I like a girl who knows what she wants.” He let out a happy sigh, sitting down next to Morgie. “She’ll come around, they all do.”

“Hook, you have a problem.” Hades mumbled.

“I don’t recall asking.” he grumbled. “Look, I think she’s into me. It won’t hurt for me to take my chance. In fact, I think I saw her studying in the common area. Maybe I’ll pay her a little visit.”

“Hello there, m’lady.”

You looked up from your homework, seeing the same pirate from earlier standing in front of you. He pushed your papers aside, sitting down on the table. You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back in your chair. “Well, isn’t this a pleasant surprise, pirate boy.” He rolled his eyes. “It’s Hook. James Hook.”

Giggling to yourself, you sat up. “Do you even know my name?” Leaning forward, the faint feeling of your breath ghosted the skin on his neck. “Why should I bother to use yours?” Hook audibly gulped, looking down at you. Never, not once, had someone rendered him speechless. He always had something to say, always. “I, uh…”

“You what?” You ran your fingers through his long hair. “Tell me, pretty boy. I don’t bite.” Hook’s heart was racing about a million miles a minute. He absentmindedly leaned into your touch, his eyes threatening to close. “Your name is y/n.”

Your hand stopped in his hair, a smirk growing on your face. “So you do pay attention. I’m impressed, Captain. If you can even be called that. Have you earned the title of Captain?” He looked over at you, pulling your hand out of his hair and holding it in his own. “I can show you why they call me Captain, darling.”

You tapped your finger against your chin, acting like you were thinking about it. “I’ll pass. But, thank you for the invite, gorgeous.” You went to pull away but he pulled you back towards him, your chests pressing together. “You don’t know who you’re toying with, lassie.”

“I’ll see you around, James.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a dark kiss mark from your lipstick. He huffed, watching you gather your things. “You’re not even going to consider? I’ll make it worth your while.”

“Maybe another time, pretty boy. After all, I do love to stare at that little face of yours.”

Hook stormed into his room, throwing his bag down on his bed. Morgie looked over at him from his desk. “Hey, Hook… What’s on your face?” Hook groaned, slamming the bathroom door open and looking at himself in the mirror. Right in the middle of his cheek was a big ol’ kiss mark from you. “She’s playing hard to get, Morgs. But I’m not going to let her win.” he grumbled, trying to rub the kiss mark off with water.

Ever since the second that Hook laid his eyes on you in class, he was instantly infatuated. Your confidence, your playfulness, your drop dead gorgeousness… He wanted it all.

Morgie got up, leaning against the doorway of the bathroom. “What if she’s just not interested?” Hook spun around on his heels to face Morgie. “Oh, she’s interested. She’s hot, I’m gorgeous. It’s meant to be.” Morgie slowly nodded, making his way back to his desk.

“You’ll see, Morgs. A pirate always knows how to get their treasure.”

“Okay, Hook.”

You were laid out on a towel at the Enchanted Lake, trying to soak up some sun before the weekend was over. While relaxing, you couldn’t help but think about your new… admirer. You knew that you were playing hard to get, but you couldn’t help it. He was just so fun to play with. No matter what, he kept trying. It was intriguing, to say the least. You couldn’t lie and say that you weren’t even the tiniest bit interested, though. After all, he was gorgeous. But you didn’t give in that easily to anything.

“Sitting by yourself, darling?”

You took a deep breath, not even having to open your eyes to know who the voice belonged to. “Yes, I am, pirate boy. Emphasis on the “by myself” part. How do you keep finding me?” you asked, propping yourself up on your elbows so you could look at him. “I was, uh, actually just passing by. Then I saw you and I thought that I would stop and say hi.” You bit your lip, trying your best to hide the smile that was trying to make way on your face.

“You don’t think that’s a little odd?” You stood up, walking over to him. “I mean, not that I mind, pretty boy. But, you don’t know who you’re messing with.” Within seconds, there was a small blade pointed at Hook. His eyes widened and his face turned a cherry red. “Where did you even pull that out from?” You just shrugged. “A good pirate always keeps a method of defense on hand. If you need tips, pirate boy, I could always give you a… little lesson.”

“A lesson?” he scoffed, his face still as red as his jacket. You reached up, straightening out his jacket. “Careful, love, any more flustered and your skin will completely blend in with this jacket of yours.” Teasing him seemed a little mean, sure, but he made teasing him simply too easy. Any ounce of attention you gave him went straight to his head. It was cute.

“Well, I think that under all the knives and the mysterious attitude, you’re interested in me too. I mean, you haven’t even tried to kill me yet. Any good pirate would’ve taken their enemy down already.” he smirked, his smirk only growing bigger when he saw the shocked look on your face. He caught you. “Listen, gorgeous. If I let you take me out, will you sod off?”

“Only if you don’t fall magically in love with me, which you will.”

“We’ll see about that one.” you huffed. You were definitely interested, but you weren’t going to let him know that. “Meet me here next Friday at twelve. Bring a towel.” He nodded enthusiastically. “Next Friday, twelve, towel. Got it.”

You cupped his cheeks, holding onto his face so he was looking you in the eye. “I look forward to it. Don’t be late though. I don’t like to be kept waiting.” Pulling away, you gathered your things and left him standing there.

Let the fun begin.

a/n: i think i’m gonna do a part 2, but let me know! i’m sorry it’s a little short, thank you so much for reading MWAH MWAH MWAH

taglist: @skellseerwriting @sleepyking @ljaylmaoo @lesbpotmurdocklokistan @yokolesbianism @eretsupremacy89 @descendantsramblings @thegoddessofnothingness

[hotvintagepoll]

Barbara Windsor (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the Carry On films)—I think it's really scrungly how Barbara Windsor uses her ~assets~ to not just be a sex object, but be SILLY with how sexy she is. she so easily could have been a one-off sexist butt of the joke but I always get the sense she's driving the humor, using her big batty eyes, tiny stature, goofy voice, and jessica rabbit figure to turn herself into a living Looney Toon.

Franklin Pangborn (Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, Easy Living, Design for Living)—Franklin Pangborn was a character actor who frequently played just under the radar queer/gay characters and comic relief. In this movie Easy Living [22:32 in this link] he plays this shopkeeper guy and when I saw it I could not believe it. A man in the 1930s clearly being queer and silly and having fun with it! Since then he keeps appearing in old movies I am watching and I like seeing my guy. He is a fun character actor and it is nice to see him.

This is round 1 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you're confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Barbara Windsor:

Franklin Pangborn:

[Franklin Pangborn is the one sitting at the table at the beginning who stands up to greet his friend.]

[doodle-do-wop]

The Heks

zooms under cut

less hot shirtless Timkin and more just Vika, her silly kids, and her goofy husband

(realized some people might be unfamiliar with my designs so from left to right: Vika, little baby Stina, Timkin, and Jurek(yes Jurek is a Heks, shannon can take that hc if she can beat me at a saber battle in a Denny's parking lot))

[artkaninchenbau]

People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again

[ineed-to-sleep]

Sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do

[lovesickeros]

☆ decadence divine [ act I ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k

ARLECCHINO

Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.

She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.

They weren't making it easy, however.

Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.

Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.

Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.

All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.

"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."

Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.

Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.

NEUVILLETTE

Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.

Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.

He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.

Now a masquerade.

He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.

So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.

Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.

No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.

Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?

He dares not ponder.

Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.

"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.

"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..

He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.

"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.

He had waited too long.

No longer.

FURINA

Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.

But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..

They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.

Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.

They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.

But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.

Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.

She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.

Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.

But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.

"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.

Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.

Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.

She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.

"But if you want to make it up to me.."

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

have i mentioned how great cats are. there's a lil guy in my house and when i lay my head on her side she starts purring so hard <3 and ten seconds later she will try to open my wrist with her teeth <3 truly the best <3

[shannonsketches]

He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌

(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)

[crimsongrimoire]

i need 4.1 to be here faster so i can be insane accurately

[fromtheseventhhell]

Everything else aside, the idea that George would waste 34+ chapters on Arya (the 3rd highest chapter count to date) and have her be the only POV that shows up in every book just to have her story be about dying because she's too traumatized to live is hilarious. This is what happens when you don't read the book and only rely on quora and reddit metas.

[googleitlol]

Sorry this took a bit, Halloween weekend was wild. Anyway, this might be one of my favourite bits of just petty fighting + some smidge of development for Dove and Wukong's relationship

Just a smidge.

Dove Masterlist:

Bait

“What do you mean it’s gone?!”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. A sigh fills the air after the extremely apologetic monks deliver the news of the stolen cassock, after ogling for a bit that everyone they had been instructed to kill survived. You might have to acknowledge that Monkey King did something good, saving them from the fire. If only he wasn’t also the reason the old monk tried burning you all to steal Tripitaka’s clothes in the first place!

You turn to glare at the monkey. After calming Tripitaka down– who was found in the midst of the ashy remains of the monastery– he had sent the two of you to retrieve the cassock from the survivors. Unfortunately, it seems as though someone has already beaten you to it. “Why would you even let the man take it to his room in the first place?”

Sun Wukong scoffs, his gaze turning to the sky while he crosses his arms. “I didn’t think he would actually steal it! It doesn’t matter anyway, I think I already know who has it.” You raise a brow as he continues. “There was someone else at the fire last night. It could have been a demon, they were too far away to tell. Whatever it was, they must’ve taken it.”

“Why didn’t you follow them?” You frown, making the sage groan.

“I would have if not for a certain someone clinging to me in their sleep. Or did you forget?” He leans forward, a pointed stare digging into your head.

“Raaasgggh!” You shout, clenching your fists in frustration. “That cassock was a gift from the Buddha!”

Monkey King scoffs. “I’ll get it back, okay?”

You shake your head, frustration evident. “You have to, Tripitaka is stressed enough as it is.” Turning away from your demon companion, you continue to question the monks. “Can any of you tell me of any demons living nearby?”

One of the monks steps forward with a nod. “There is one that lives on the mountain, there is a cave that is only half a day away on foot where some reside…”

The monk begins to give you directions on where to find the home of the local demon while Sun Wukong goes back to deliver the news to his Master. When you have everything you need from your hospitable arsonists, you bid them goodbye before going back to your travelling companions.

By the frown implanted on the young monk’s face, anyone could tell he was not taking the news well. “It’s gone?!”

“Just temporarily.” The King laughs, albeit slightly awkward. Even he knew this didn’t look good.

The young monk shakes his head. “Sun Wukong, I warned you this would happen! Why couldn’t you have listened to me?” “Hey, it’s not like I made you give the old man your clothes.”

“That’s exactly what you did!” Tripitaka shouts, surprising you with the passion in his voice. It’s rare to see him this upset, witnessing the man raise his voice at all was an unlikely sight. Even Sun Wukong widens his eyes slightly, the end of his tail flicking for just a moment.

Quickly, before his disciple can aggravate him further, you step in with an exasperated sigh. “Do not worry, Great Monk. Wukong already knows who has the cassock, and they live only a half day’s journey away.” You explain to the man, his frown shifting slightly at the news.

Wukong furrows his brows as you continue. “It was taken by a demon, the monks of this monastery know where he lives and have already given me directions to the cave he resides in.”

“So now we must take a detour from our journey because of my stolen garments?” Tripitaka frowns, glancing over to his disciple with an annoyed look.

You shake your head with a courteous smile. “Sun Wukong won’t take long on his own to retrieve it, I’m sure. Let him find the demon and before tomorrow, we will be able to continue on our journey. He is the one who lost it, after all.”

Tripitaka takes a moment to sit with your words, looking between both you and his disciple before sighing. “Very well. Sun Wukong, will you be able to retrieve my cassock?”

“Please, don’t offend me, Master. Of course I’ll get your clothes back.” He grins. “Let Ol’ Monkey take care of things while you wait here. The monks can keep you company.”

“The same ones who tried to burn him alive?” You frown, crossing your arms.

“Trust me, I’ll make sure they know to be good to him.” Monkey King smiles, though it feels more threatening than anything else.

With that, your group rejoins the monks, who are quick to promise that no harm would come to Tripitaka. You would be surprised if they weren’t too swift to pledge to his safety with his terrifying disciple eyeing them down as they did.

It only takes a few moments for Monkey to get ready for his detour when he turns to you. “Do you plan to waste all our time standing around, or are you ready?”

You frown at the question, confused. “What?”

“Are you coming or not, woman?” He huffs, though you almost feel the need to ask him to repeat. Is he being serious?

You frown, looking back to Tripitaka and back to the Sage. He’s asking me to help him? It’s not like you didn’t want to go and find the demon that had stolen from your group, but you just assumed Sun Wukong would fly off on his own, preferring to go solo. “Yes, I’m ready.” With a huff, you glance back to Tripitaka. “Make sure you stay with the monks, we wouldn’t want any other wild animals or other demons trying to grab you while we’re away.”

The man nods. “Please be safe.” With his final words, you shift into your avian form and shoot into the sky, Monkey King quickly surpassing you on his cloud as you each soar towards the mountain.

It’s a bit of a struggle to keep up with the demon. Doves may not exactly be the fastest creatures, but with that cloud, it was near-impossible to keep the Monkey King in sight. Nonetheless, the difference in speed doesn’t stop you from following the monk’s directions to the demon’s home on the mountain.

“Having trouble, Dove?” Wukong falls back enough that you can hear his chuckle, and it pushes you enough to go even faster. Maybe he just wanted you to come along so he could have someone to speak to, how annoying.

The harsh winds of the thin air surrounding the mountains blow past you with force the higher you ascend. Your eyes water on occasion, flying at such a high altitude. The wind stings, but it’s barely noticeable as you grow closer to your destination.

About halfway up the mountain is where you and Wukong land, the trees surrounding the area are too dense for either of you to see anything from above.  Besides the flora that covers the ground, a  rough dirt path, narrow and winding, leads the two of you further up where you continue the trek. While neither one of you speak, it’s difficult to move past this weird tension in the air, though it isn’t quite as intense as it has been in the previous days.

Perhaps it’s because he asked you to come along to retrieve the cassock. Between Wukong jumping into action to kill those bandits, and practically leaving you on your own to carry off Tripitaka when you were all attacked by Ao Lie, this didn’t quite feel like him. So why ask in the first place? Maybe he plans to kill you here and blame whatever demon was at the monastery last night. You admit, it would be clever to do so.

 When you glance over at the Sage, his face seems focused, eyes darting occasionally to the trees that press in on us from both sides. It isn’t until his gaze catches your own that you focus again on the path ahead.

Now it’s his eyes that you feel on yourself, though it’s not burning as it usually is. That’s it, the hostility! There was barely a trace of it. Is that why this feels different? The movement from that tail of his is dull, slower now. Less sharp. Maybe he doesn’t wish for your death anymore? 

Hah, what a thought.

“Why did you do that?” His voice puts a pin in your thoughts, and you finally turn to meet the eyes of gold that have been watching for quite some time now.

With a hint of confusion, you frown. “Could you specify?”

“I don’t need you defending me in front of Master, I can explain my own actions.” A heavy breath escapes through his nose, and you have to hold back a snort as your mind catches up to the conversation.

“Aw, don’t tell me I hurt your pride.” You snicker, adjusting your pace just enough to be ahead of him. “I can’t have one of Tripitaka's disciples giving him heart failure, we’re not even a quarter of the way to retrieving those scrolls. It’s not like you were doing all that well giving him the bad news.”

Sun Wukong scoffs. “You think I don’t know how to explain myself?”

“You seem plenty good at defending yourself.” Your laugh is breathy as you glance back at the demon sapien. His brows are now furrowed, that sliver of murderous intent returning to his eyes.

“Anymore out of your mouth, and I’m sure the monk would have you on the ground writhing from that spell, and–” You pause, Monkey King doing the same as you cut yourself off. Eyes slightly wider, you turn to face the path once more. “And… I’d rather not see that again.”

You didn’t want him to know how uncomfortable that had been, bearing witness to this monstrous demon in such a pathetic state. You originally thought seeing the Great Sage Equal to Heaven at his knees would be a satisfying moment, but it only managed to make your skin crawl just at the thought of the memory. Seeing anyone the way you had seen him just felt wrong.

But he doesn’t have to know that. “So you're welcome, for sparing you the headache.”

Expecting a witty remark in return, you’re given nothing but silence as your hike continues without further conversation.

It’s about an hour or so more when Monkey King stops, grabbing your wrist only for a moment before you snatch it away. With a scornful expression, you barely manage to say a word before he gestures for your silence. You frown, waiting for some sort of explanation that never comes. Sun Wukong bounds ahead of you, climbing up one of the nearby trees and leaving you to follow after.

“I hate that monkey.” With a grumble, you take on your dove form to fly after him. He dodges and weaves through the branches, surprisingly silent as he moves. As you move further around and between the trunks of trees, voices slowly make their presence known, though they’re too far to make any distinct words out.

A few more trees ahead, Monkey King finally stops, perching himself on a branch while you strain to make out whatever is being said. Returning to your human form, you take notice of how high the two of you are as Monkey points to something obscured by the branches ahead of you, his voice only just a whisper. “There’s a clearing further ahead. Three demons are gathered, including our thief.”

You nod, recognizing that there seems to be three distinct voices in that area. “Alright, do you have a– Wukong!” Your whisper risks becoming a shout when you see your travelling companion brandishing his signature weapon, prepared to jump out of your place of hiding.

The demon glares as you grab his shoulder, annoyance seeping from his person. “Do you want to give me away?”

“Do you want to give us away?” You hiss back with a frown. “Does the demon even have the clothes with him? We should focus on finding his home first, otherwise we’ll be left with a corpse and no cassock.”

The monkey’s glare refuses to soften, but that doesn’t stop the hints of a smirk surfacing as you speak. “Let him lead us back to his home and… why are you looking at me like that?”

The halfhearted pat on your shoulder should have been a warning. “No, no, this is good. Very good. I just remembered why I thought it was important to bring you along.” With his grip tightening, your body moves without your stomach. In an instant, the force of his push combined with gravity sends you tumbling through the trees and towards the ever-so-quickly approaching ground while you hear his final word.

“Bait.”

You spin through the air, colliding with several branches before landing harshly on your side, your arm taking the brunt of your fall when you land on it. The ground thuds as you let out a grunt, wincing only for a moment at the pain before glaring up where the monkey silently cackled. “Sun Wukong, you brash–!”

“Did you hear that?” Shit.

Your head swivels behind, to where voices once loud and obnoxious become hushed. “Do you feel that?” With one last glare to the branches, you see only leaves where Sun Wukong once was, that brutish little bastard!

“Over there.” Getting up to your feet, you run. Weaving between trees, avoiding the path to stay hidden, you sprint down the mountain as fast as your legs can take you. With a quick turn you reach for a weapon. Your bow would be too unsteady, you can barely watch your steps as you half-tumble down the terrain. Instead you take out a small blade, a dagger-axe to clutch tightly in your grasp, wrist now slightly aching. 

A hiss too close for comfort makes you turn to see the head of a white-spotted snake, far too large to be a simple creature, springing towards your person. You barely duck out of the way in time, losing your balance and tripping over your feet. It takes you a moment to cease your rolling before the snake demon leaps into action once more and you dodge yet again, this time cutting into its side before continuing your mad dash. That damned monkey will pay for this.

Now farther ahead, you look back to see the distance you’ve managed to put between you and your pursuers. Did you lose them?

The question is quickly answered by something tackling your side. You and your assailant tumble further down the mountain terrain, with you landing on your back as the demon wolf above snarled. Its grey fur stands on end, eyes narrowing as you move to stab at the monster. It quickly catches your hand but is unable to react further before you slam your head into its snout. The demon quickly reels back in pain and gives you the moment you need to get back up and get deeper into the forest.

Without pause, you run further and further until you have no clue where you are anymore. You only stop when there is no more ground left to run on, the earthy floor giving out just up ahead where a cliff runs across a small clearing.

“This way!” A voice booms from behind, making you face your only escape. The bottom wasn’t too far down, not that you planned on falling. Tucking your dagger away, you get a running start.

A few quick breaths are all you need before sprinting towards the cliff’s edge and leaping into the air. As a dove, you fly down to the trees below, finding yourself in a surprising amount of pain as you do so. Your wing cries out in rebuke, making you off-balance and miss the branch you initially aim for. Instead, you turn back and hit another branch a little lower down. You can just barely get a decent grip before slipping, falling a little further with a yelp before hitting the ground with a semi-graceful landing. More graceful than your last fall, at least.

You get up to your feet, head turned to the top of the cliff as you wait for confirmation of your escape. After a few moments of silence pass, you allow yourself to lean against the tree to rest. The sting of your wrist intensifies, and you quickly inspect it in annoyance. Of course, that blasted ape! This is exactly what you don’t need.

What else could you expect from such a conniving little imp?! To think he actually wanted your help? Ha, as if! You should have known better than that. When you find him, it’ll be his end.

~~~~

It takes only about an hour or so before you find him. You tried your best to fly back up the mountain, but the aching of your wrist hindered your flight. Not enough to stop you entirely, but to make it more effort than it's worth. Making the rest of the trek back on foot, you trudge through the trees before an obnoxious voice breaks through the silence of the trees surrounding you. “Dove? Are you still alive?” You hear Monkey King calling out casually, which only serves to make your blood boil. He throws you to be killed and has the gall to so offhandedly call out for you like he did nothing?!

With rage providing you with new energy, you follow the sound of his calls to just a little ways further down the mountain. Inspired by this bubbling anger, you take your avian form just long enough to get a bird’s eye view. It’s not long before you spot him, carelessly wandering further down the mountain’s dirt path with each call.

“Pig-headed scum!” You dive, reverting back just in time to tackle him from the sky. Sun Wukong barely has time to turn before you send him flying down to the ground. The two of you roll down the trail together, a fumbling mess of limbs until you slow to a stop. Glaring from on top of the demon, you slam his body into the ground as he laughs, his shirt clutched tightly in your grasp. “Bait? Bait?!”

Sun Wukong, hardly even stunned, lets out a chuckle. “Good bait at that, too.” His comment makes you growl, and you slam him into the dirt beneath the two of you again.

His grunt masks your wince from the action, your wrist aching in protest. You’re too pissed to care. “Relax, Dove, you served your purpose well enough. While those demons were distracted with their chase, I found the home of the one who took the cassock.” He explains, much too smug for your liking. “Like you suggested before you fell.”

“Before you threw me.”

Before you can say anything else, Wukong takes hold of one arm by your elbow and the other by your shoulder. Kicking his leg out from under you, he pushes your shoulder back and your arm to the side. In the blink of an eye, the demon makes you slip, allowing himself to flip the two of you over and be the one on top. You can only stare up in surprise as he hums playfully.

“Who’s to say what happened?” His light-hearted tone makes you want to rip him apart. “After you slipped and I found that thief’s cave, I also stumbled upon one of his messengers. After killing him, I found this.”

With his arms pinning you down, Wukong’s tail reveals a letter– already opened– addressed to the patriarch of the monastery your group has been staying in. “It seems that the old arsonist was on quite good terms with the local demon population.” Wukong remarks before letting you hold it yourself.

With a slight twitch of your eye, you try to ignore the increasing pain in your wrist and read the letter that details the events of the previous night from the demon’s perspective. His writing shows what Monkey King has already said, that the old monk and the demon seem to be friends and that the demon plans to have a celebration for the robes he acquired amidst the chaos. After finishing, you look up to find Wukong staring back down at you.

You look back up to him with a deadpan stare, the two of you waiting for a few moments more before Wukong finally speaks. “What?”

“Do you plan on letting me up?” You raise a singular brow, unamused as he lets out a soft chuckle.

“I don’t know.” He cocks his head slightly to the side, his smirk continuing to grow by the second. “This is starting to feel familiar, isn’t it?”

With your good hand, you reach up and twist his ear.

“Owowow, fine!” He whines, finally getting off of you and allowing you a moment to sit up.

The sapien rubs his ear, now looking as annoyed as you felt while you dust yourself off. “Did you at least get Tripitaka’s cassock back?”

“Couldn’t get past the door. It’s protected well, I’ll give him that.” Monkey King huffs, stretching as he does. “However, thanks to that little messenger of his, I already have a plan to get inside.”

Your glare sharpens. “If it involves ‘bait’, I’m coming for your other ear.”

Despite the threat, Monkey King laughs. “Fret not, little Dove. This time, we can both be the bait!”

“…What?”

[sefusneezed]

Does Kat have a Cyber Altered Task unit? If so, what is it called, and how much trauma has she put it through?

WAIT I HAVE LORE FOR THIS All the rich people who wanna suck up to the gang keep buying her CAT kits for birthdays and all sorts of religious holiday stuff so she just has a ton of them laying around unassembled but she definitely made a couple as a kid. First one was with Von Kuronar though and ended up going terribly because he's kind of weird and has no social skills and is overly passionate about machines (AS HE SHOULD BE OMNISSIAH BLESS AMEN BROTHER YEEHAW) and she was like, a toddler. Atleast WAY too young. So he yelled at her until she cried and then built the thing himself in classic Von Kuronar fashion. He still considers it an excellent bonding experience though his zero self awareness having ass has no clue how terrifying he was. Second one she built by herself and since she literally had no friends besides just, old as hell cyborg people and half dead lobotomite servitors, she just treated this thing like it was an actual person and talked to it and had entire conversations with it as if it could talk back. She used to play pretend with it and make stupid skits with its recording program and send those skits to the gang. Literal stupid kid stuff Kalanis would be in the middle of some big scary important interplanetary meeting with an inquisitor discussing how he totally Did Not embezzle money and should not be impeached, and then he'd just get a video of Kat beatboxing. It was dumb as hell though and got stuck under her bed until she found it a few years later, so then she started using it for her experiments and curiosity and all that. Literally sends it through the sewers with a little scraper thing duct taped to it because she wants a sample of sewage slime to add to her funny creature experiment. She once sent it to the lower hive levels because she wanted to look at The Poors but was too scared to go there herself. Unfortunately they just beat it up and dismantled it so they could resell the parts. Kat got upset and sent Lyrane to go retrieve all of it and he certainly did do that, but in the mass civilian casualties sorta way. Absolutely no one steals and dismantles CAT units ever again the entire populace has heard tales of The HorrorsTM. She still has this thing its just broken and she hasn't gotten around to fixing it yet. It's on the backburner. Lyrane will probably fix it if she never does though. He'll inherit it.

[ashesfierybree]

[allthecastlesonclouds]

also!! y'all!! if you enjoyed caldwell and nathan on game changer and happened to go whoa i need them on d20, caldwell DMs a D&D adjacent game called Drawga with the drawfee cast– and various guests including ally beardsley, rekha shankar, and zac oyama– so if you want to see that, i would highly recommend!

[keylimeart]

shes my hero!!

[pikkish]

breaking news: surprising absolutely no one, pik has fallen in love with the fast paced fps game where the big, silent badass of a main character's sole goal is to protect the small, squishy innocents.