#she’s fully aware of her privilege and the fact that mommy’s money and privilege will get her out of it

[avadmortain]

vanessa’s mugshots <33

[respecthbcus]

Fatherhood By: Jaylen Amir Brown, Respect HBCUs Student Ambassador (Winston Salem State University)

What makes a man a man? Money, provision, integrity? Is it the ability to reproduce? Is it their sexual preference?          

What is fatherhood? Is it continuing one’s bloodline? Enforcing discipline? Is it phone conversations, talks over dinner, weekend/holiday visits, or appearances during big game days?

As my twenty short years of life continue, the definition of fatherhood and manhood is one which is intriguing to me. I’ve spoke with several fathers around the world, receiving many different answers. I've come to the realization that it's not like a "cup". There is no concrete definition which every man lives by to know what is and isn't a cup. It's more so like recipes to food which are often changed here and based off personal likes and dislikes. These changes can be great and others can be rather distasteful. These changes are critical due to how powerful the influence a father can have on his child(ren).

I think we all can relate to the lack of male presence in the classroom. At least we are aware of this. Don’t forget to add Black and/or African American to the equation. Personally, I can count on one hand the number of those that fit into this category. Actually, two fingers. The opportunity of those in classrooms to give everyday guidance for a minimum of five days and seven hours a day can be worthwhile. Not to mention when the father or a positive male is missing. I found that number to increase as I transitioned to college. More surprisingly to me this was evident on campuses other than Winston-Salem State University. It was one of those things which I was aware of but first hand seeing the professor, faculty, and staff members who actually looked like me daily provided that reassurance. Although this number did increase significantly, nationally there is still only a small percentage present.

Growing up I was unaware how common it was in my area for children to not communicate with their father. Let alone know who he was. This was especially something many of my classmates had in common. For whatever reason it may have been, as I reflect back I realize the impact this caused and how problematic this is in the black community. It was an actual privilege for me to know my mother and father and an even bigger one to watch their love strengthen as I continue to spend more time living. My father taught me many things that my mother could not. His caring father perspective allowed for me to be immersed in understanding. I remember many times where I have been abled to witness my father serve as one of the positive male figure in the lives of others. He has been a true “step-father” to many while only being married once for twenty years (which continues to flourish shout out to my parents for twenty years this past Thursday June 13th).  

So, what makes a man a true exemplifier of fatherhood? The question can be left for you to define at your own discretion. However, one can conclude for one to be a fatherhood he must put his child first, always be there in times of need, be a provider, and handle his business. So, to my fathers out there, those with kids and those without, thank you.

I had a chance to interview a few HBCU fathers. Scroll below to check out some of their awesome advice, insight, memories, stories, and thoughts on fatherhood. Check them out below!

Mr. Jimmie Lewis III, is a recent 2019 Prairie View A&M University Biology graduate from Katy, Texas. He is the father of two-year old twins, Mason & Marshall Lewis and is on the journey to become a Physician.

Q: What has been your greatest moment as a father?

A: I love that fatherhood has brought me back to all those simple pleasures I had long forgotten as a kid. I can now hold my own while watching hundreds of Disney movies and sing the words to hundreds of toddler tunes. I'm also proud to say the joys of playing hide-and-seek and follow the leader have finally returned to me as a 22 year old young man. However, as a new father I am most proud of watching my sons grow and learn. Being born prematurely early two years ago at the Longview Regional Hospital to now being very curious and knowledge during the terrible two year. I love being a witness to all their new lessons and discoveries.

Q: How did fatherhood impact you as a full-time or part-time college student?

A: If I were Picasso and had to paint a mural that would be representative of who I was, who I am, and who I will become it would be a harmony of colors. This painting would be a prolongation depicting yesterday, today, and tomorrow. The imagery behind my mural shows a story which is exclusively mine as I travel down the road of life. First impressions take less than thirty seconds. However, there was a time in my life when most people made their assumptions about me in less than ten seconds. Many strangers would declare both disappointment and lack of expectation, followed by condolences instead of congratulations. This was the reaction I received from a lot of individuals at first, therefore, I hid the fact for over two years that I had two twin sons while raising them to be exceptional young kings. I was a twenty-year-old father, a sophomore in college, a new father of twin sons, a stereotype to society.

A painter usually starts with the color blue. Blue represents the color of hope and dreams that I have fostered. However, all of a sudden, I felt as if the mortal error had been committed and everything that preceded it was embarrassing. Being young and naive, I use to care about others opinions, therefore I wouldn’t tell my peers or associates that I had sons. Growing as a better man and better father, my focus changed that allowed me to see my purpose as a young father.

Being an undergraduate scholar at Prairie View A&M University presented me with new challenges as a young parent during the beginning of my junior year of college.  I wasn’t used to taking care of kids since most of my siblings and cousins are around my age. My life as a new father was marred by many obstacles that tested my strength and willingness to endure the uncertainty of what was to come. I did not think I fully grasped what it would be like, what it would mean, to be a new father for a greater part of my academic and social life. I had to study more during the week when I knew I would get my sons on the weekends and had to miss plenty of social gatherings due to my new responsibilities. In order to provide for my sons, I relied on my campus job, and financial support from my parents.

The color purple which represents self-awareness and realization on my mural also has an influence on my personal growth. It was imperative that I abandon all previous habits of yesterday because they cannot be incorporated into my sons’ futures and my goals as a young father and man as well.  Tomorrow is colored gold for promise. Tomorrow is full of promises and opportunities.  My aesthetic painting will never be finished in spite of the strong decisions of colors. I am carrying the torch that was passed to me; just like I walk in other’s footsteps, therefore my twin sons can have the possibility to pass the burning torch. This calling is who I am and what I aspire to be.

Q: I personally remember times when parents would have to bring their child with them to class and even ask their classmates to watch their child during class times. Has there ever been a time where you had to depend on your HBCU family to assist with your parenting?

A: I didn’t depend on my HBCU family a lot. I would say my immediate family on her side and my side has had the greatest influence on the boys. Without my parent’s wisdom and assistance, I wouldn’t be able to raise my sons by myself. I also applaud the mother for being an incredible mother to my sons. Her journey over the past 2 years hasn't been easy, yet she found the courage and resilience to keep moving forward. Many would have quit after transferring schools, becoming a new mommy of twins and working 3 jobs all at once. Yet, she stayed the course. And as much as I would like to take a lot of credit for my part in my sons lives, she has played the greatest role in my son’s lives since they are with her majority of the time.

Q: When it's finally time for Mason and Marshall to visit colleges and apply, how likely will you encourage them to attend an HBCU?

A: I will definitely persuade my children to attend the best HBCU in the land, Prairie View A&M University. Hopefully, they become future members of the Eta Gamma Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc as well. HBCUs have a historic sense of community and family that makes the students feel more at home, therefore I want my sons to be comfortable and experience college just how I did.

Please share any advice you would give to soon to be fathers.

For future fathers, always be there for your children even during the worst circumstances. Fathers are apart of the critical point in the lives of our young African-American children. We must individually assess how we're raising them and figure out what we can do to keep our families intact (or at least how-to co-parent effectively). Also, always give your children a hug and tell them you love them everyday.

Mr. Oscar Ball III MS, OTR/L is from Goldsboro NC and the father of a beautiful daughter, Jayla.  Oscar is a two-time graduate from Winston-Salem’s own Winston-Salem State University. In 2009, he received his B.S. in Exercise Science and in 2012 he continued on obtaining his Masters in Occupational Therapy.

Q: What has been your greatest moment as a father?

A: I don’t think I could take one single moment and define it as my greatest moment as a father. So many come to mind and I know there’s plenty more to come. I would have to say it just has to be the overall experience. My daughter gives me a reason to live and grind each and every day. Her smile lets me know everything is going to be ok. And just watching her shows me that if nothing else I know I’ve done one thing right.

Q: How did fatherhood impact you as a full-time or part-time college student?

A: I had my daughter right before I started a strenuous Master’s program at WSSU. It made me more focused and taught me the importance of balance. It made me stronger as a student because I knew I had to be for her even when I wanted to be weak. It gave me the grind to make it through and hustle to support her while in school.

Q: I personally remember times when parents would have to bring their child with them to class and even ask their classmates to watch their child during class times. Has there ever been a time where you had to depend on your HBCU family to assist with your parenting?

A: I can’t really say I needed others help to support her. When I was in grad school her mom and I did a good job of co-parenting.

Q: Do you believe there was ever an instructor or faculty/staff member who assisted with you experience as a father? This can be from advice to make adjustments for you due to father duties.

A: If anything, the advice I received from Dr. Anne Jenkins about life and the importance of making an impact for myself and my family was the biggest motivation I received as a student that had an impact on me as a student.

Q: When it's finally time for your child to visit colleges and apply, how likely will you encourage Jayla to attend an HBCU?

A: I will strongly advise my daughter to attend an HBCU but will ultimately support whatever decision she chooses. I’m a firm believer that how I live and the way I share my experiences with her even now will mold and influence a lot of the decisions she will make going into adulthood including her choice of college. As of now, she’s already planning to attend WSSU as an education major.