#she’s always been pretty shitty to me about my mental illness n got worse after i be ame much more physically disabled

[maidofmetal]

have barely talked to my sister since she went back to grad school cuz she can’t handle me talking about anything to do with my mental illness / disabilities n like idk that’s literally my whole entire life ?

[aliendes]

Natural Borns - Chapter Three

Banner made by @thebannershop​ 

Series info/genre: Angst, fluff, (possible) smut NSFW due to darker themes

Pairings: ot7 x fem reader (eventual)

Warnings: mentions of panic and anxiety, blood, and overall sadness in this chapter. This series will have different trigger warnings listed for each chapter (if there are any), but as a whole, this series will include violence, mentions of depression & other mental illnesses, cursing, abuse, drugs/alcohol, some shitty medical descriptions because i am NOT a doctor, self-esteem issues, fluff, and possible smut in future chapters (but that’s undecided). i will add more warnings/tags in the future if there are any.

Description: In the year 2613, over half of the world’s population are what scientists consider ‘designer babies’. YN is a small town girl who is a true natural born, someone born naturally without he help of a lab or gene splicing. Her DNA is greatly sought after, but what is she willing to do to protect it? 

Word count: 5.5k~ 

A/N: Thank you all so much for the love on this series! If you want to be added to the tag list, please make sure you’re following me and send me an ask! This chapter is a little longer than normal because it contains a lot of backstory. We will be meeting (almost) all of the boys in this chapter and I’m super excited for the next couple chapters. As always, I’m happy to answer questions/asks and I love hearing from you. Reblog and help other’s see the series! xoxo - Des

Updated: 8/3/2020

Squinting, you cocked your head to the side as you caught sight of something, or someone, in your driveway. There, in front of your house, was your father.

And Hyunwoo. 

You quickly maneuvered your body so you were completely hidden from sight behind the large oak tree. Your back was pushed against the rough bark, palms flat against the wood. Instead of catching your breath like you intended, your heart rate was soaring, you felt like you couldn’t breath. You screwed your eyes shut for a moment, trying to process everything that was happening.

Namjoon and Seokjin. They just warned you about Hyunwoo, the man now standing in your driveway with your father. Warned you that he could potentially be there to kidnap you - or worse - buy you from your parents. Your initial thoughts drove that possibility from your mind. Your parents wouldn’t do that. You know that. They’ve been protecting you your entire life. They’ve kept you at home, kept you away from anywhere that you could be scouted. But - eyes still screwed shut, you furrow your brow - why? Why have they kept you sheltered? You shook your head violently trying to erase these thoughts from your brain. You took a deep breath and opened your eyes. You slowly turned around to face the tree you were hiding behind, and carefully peeked around it, searching for the two men again. 

Your father and Hyunwoo were still standing on your front porch. You were pretty far away from them so you really couldn’t make out facial expressions. You watched them for a moment, trying to read body language, but it was no use. You were too far. As you watched the pair you started to calm down a bit. Maybe Hyunwoo was just coming back to try and talk your father - or you - into selling your DNA. No big deal. Your dad would put a stop - you squint your eyes, trying to get a better look. It looked like they were - shaking hands? After your father shook hands with him, Hyunwoo turned and walked directly to his car. As he opened the door he gave one last wave in your father’s direction and bent to get into the driver’s seat. Before he was fully seated, his eyes snapped to you, as if he had known you were standing there all along.

You gasped loudly and it felt like all the air was violently sucked out of your lungs. You locked eyes with the man. Instead of outing you to your father who was now making his way back into your house, he kept his eyes on your frozen form and continued to sit down. He stared for only a moment before closing his door. A silent message that you heard loud and clear. You weren’t breathing, couldn’t move at all. Your feet felt like anchors weighing you down, keeping you rooted to the ground. You watched as the straight faced, calm Hyunwoo started his car and drove away from your farm. 

Your body reacts before your mind could and suddenly you’re running through the forest, back in the direction of the stream. Your thoughts were reeling. You were scared, terrified, even. You were sprinting now, full speed, not caring about the soles of your bare feet. Your eyes were clouded with hot tears spilling down your cheeks. You were running so fast you could hear the whir of wind trailing off your form, leaves crackling and crunching on the forest floor, and the sound of your quick, labored breathing. You have no idea where you’re going, just letting your feet take you far away from your home. Something inside you was telling you, no, screaming at you, to get away from whatever deal you just witnessed between your father and Hyunwoo. 

Hyunwoo.

He knows you’re out here. He’s probably looking for you right now, or will be soon. Your brain was finally catching up with your body as you started to slow down to a jog. Quickly, you pulled your phone out of your pocket to dial the only number you felt like you could in this moment. Seokjin.

You needed to speak to him, you felt like he would have answers for you, he could tell you what to do. Before you could open your contacts you were falling through the air, phone flying from your grasp, before you slammed face first into the solid ground, cushioned only by dead leaves and shrubbery. 

It took you a moment to realize that you must have tripped. Your face was now laying against something wet. You winced as you slowly picked your upper body up off the forest floor with the palms of your already damaged hands. Eyes scrunched in pain, you let your body fall back down when your muscles protested the movement. You turned your head to the side and huffed out a breath, blowing the hair that had fallen around your face. You picked your head up slightly to look to where your phone had fallen, seeing it was only a few feet in front of you, luckily not broken.

You reached out your arm to try and grab for it when you heard footsteps. Immediately your body stiffened and you twisted yourself from your prone position to try and see who was approaching. Now laying on your back, propped up on your elbows, you groaned in pain at your quick movements, but were quickly met with two sets of worried eyes.

“YN!” A familiar voice shouted. How did they find me? You weren’t sure how far you ran, but it couldn’t have been that far. How long have you been gone? 

At the realization that the newcomers were safe, you closed your eyes and let your head fall back onto the cool ground, letting out a relieved, albeit painful, sigh.

“YN, are you ok!?” Seokjin’s frantic voice was now in your ear as you heard his knees hit the ground next to your face. Slowly, you opened one eye, taking in Jin’s panicked expression. His dark hair was a frazzled mess, like he had been running his hands through it.

You tried rolling onto your side, whining in pain in the process, but Seokjin put his hand on your shoulder, stopping you short. Your breathing was starting to even out, but as the adrenaline in your body wore off, the pain was hitting you full force. As you opened both eyes, you saw both of Jin’s hands hovering over your body like he was afraid to touch you and damage you further. A few feet behind him, also on his knees, you saw Namjoon. As soon as you actually acknowledged their presence, Seokjin took his backpack off his shoulders and immediately started tending to your wounds. He noticed how bloody your feet were, and decided to work on them first. It took you a moment to relax to his touch, still on edge from the recent events. As you took in your surroundings, you now noticed there was a third person, standing a few feet behind Namjoon. You startled a bit upon meeting the new man’s eyes. The stranger jumped a bit at the eye contact, much to your surprise. 

Namjoon’s brow was furrowed in worry, but when he noticed you jump, he followed your gaze to the other man. The newcomer was tall, but not as tall as Namjoon, and looked to be closer to your age than Namjoon or Seokjin, maybe even younger than you. He had dark, curly hair that was falling into his eyes. Much like the other two, he was extremely handsome with a sharp jawline and round, doe like eyes. He looked a little embarrassed by your intense stare and diverted his eyes to the ground in front of him.

“Ah - YN, this is Jungkook,” Namjoon started, gesturing his hands towards the shy boy, “he’s the maknae of our group.” 

You slowly nodded your head before letting your eyes slip closed again. Seokjin was disinfecting and bandaging the wounds on your feet and legs and though he was gentle, you were still in a great deal of pain. Your chest felt heavy, a foreign pressure near your ribs. It was becoming a little hard to breathe in the position you were in. 

“I’m sorry,” Jin apologized as you winced, “what the hell happened to you YN? I think you may have a couple bruised ribs.” He seemed to notice your pained expression and helped turn you on your undamaged side. 

Eyes still closed, you let out a huff. “I ran back home after you left. When I got to the orchard, I saw Hyunwoo.”

You heard someone inhale a sharp breath, but who it was, was a mystery to you. You opened your eyes, staring directly into Seokjin’s as you finished, “He was talking to my dad. They were shaking hands,” you could feel yourself starting to fall into a panic as you remembered the scene, “when he left, he saw me. It- it was like he- he knew I was standing, watching them the whole time. I don’t think my dad saw me, but as soon as Hyunwoo got in his car, I took off. I- I’m scared,” you whined out the last words, feeling overwhelmed by the events of today. You felt Seokjin’s thumb rubbing a soothing circle on the ankle he was currently wrapping as you finished your story. 

“You made the right choice to run, YN,” Jin mumbled as he looked up at your face, “Who knows what was going on there, or if he’s looking for you. We shouldn’t stay here long, just in case,” he murmured the last part, almost as if speaking to himself. 

“How far are we from the farm?” You asked, curious how far you ran. 

“About a mile, a little ways from the stream,” he answered easily. 

Namjoon got up from his kneeling position and walked over to your side, Jungkook following close behind like a puppy. You absently thought how adorable he was as you watched him sit on the forest floor behind Seokjin. He reached out to Jin and grabbed onto the back of his shirt, almost like it was a comfort to be near him. You could understand why he felt that way, Seokjin had this comforting aura about him. You felt safe with him, even though you barely knew each other. 

Namjoon was now on your opposite side as Jin moved up your body to take a look at the scrapes on the side of your face. “I agree with Jin. We should get going as soon as you’re able to get up. We aren’t too far away from the stream we were at earlier. Probably wouldn’t be too hard to track us here.” Namjoon reached out a hand, like he was going to touch your face, or hair, but thought better of it and pulled away. You thought the action was a little strange, but decided not to dwell on it. 

“What are you guys doing out here anyways?” You asked, remembering they had left not too long ago. “How did you find me?”

Namjoon’s face aggressively blushed as he looked over at Seokjin who looked unbothered. “We wanted to be near you in case something happened,” he managed without looking at you, “in case you called.”

You let out a dry laugh, the first the boys had heard from you. “I was actually taking my phone out to call Seokjin when I fell.”

Namjoon gave you a tight lipped smile, “I was about to ask.” 

Seokjin was wiping a cotton ball at your bloodied face now, “It’s going to be getting dark soon. We should get going, do you think you can stand?” He asked you, assessing your body one more time and nodding quickly to himself once he determined you were ok. 

You nodded a bit, sitting up on your elbows. You winced as you went to tidy your hair that was surely a rat’s nest. “Yeah, just - just give me a minute.” You mustered what energy you had left and pushed yourself onto your feet. 

“I left my shoes back at the orchard,” you said as you stood up to your full height, “kind of dumb me.” You watched as Seokjin repacked his bag and stood up, the younger man standing up almost completely in sync, his hand still gripped on Jin’s shirt. The older man seemed  completely unbothered by the other’s action, like it was completely normal. Namjoon watched you as you curiously eyed Jungkook.

“We went back to the other’s before heading towards your farm. Kookie wanted to come with.” He said with a fond smile as he mentioned the younger boy. 

Kookie. How cute. “Where are the others?” You asked as Namjoon stood up and walked towards his brothers. 

Jin slung his pack over his broad shoulders as he answered you, “We’re staying in an abandoned warehouse a few miles from here.” You knew exactly the one he was talking about. It was a big grey industrial building at the top of a quarry. The quarry was usually partially filled with water, and was no longer used. The warehouse used to house the stone that was mined there, but that was decades ago. 

“Yeah - I know the one.” Almost all of the high school parties Mina tried to get you to attend were held at that warehouse. 

Seokjin nodded at Namjoon, and the three men started to walk in the direction of the warehouse. You started to follow after them, but as soon as you took a step you let out a pained whimper, causing Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jungkook to whip their heads in your direction. 

“Hey - hey, wait,” Seokjin started, talking quick steps towards you, arms outstretched, “does it hurt to put pressure on it?”

You nodded, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall by biting hard into your lower lip. Jin looked over his shoulder at Jungkook who was slowly approaching you both. “Do you think you can carry her, Kook?”

The boy in question was now standing almost directly behind Jin with a hesitant look on his face. You looked up at him and saw the timidness in his expression, “It’s ok, really. I can do it.” You winced as you tried to take another step. 

“YN,” Jin said firmly. You haven’t heard him be this serious before, “Please don’t.”

You looked down to the ground and bit your lip again, nodding. Upon seeing your pain, Jungkook moved in front of Seokjin and turned his back to you. It took you a moment to realize he was kneeling down for you to jump on his back. You hesitated, you didn’t know this man, and he hasn’t spoken a single word since arriving here. Namjoon seemed to notice the resistance in your body language as he walked over and placed a hand on your shoulder. “It’s ok, YN. Kookie is really strong,” he explained, masking your true reasons for hesitating with worry for the young man, “you’ll both be fine.” He gave you a reassuring smile before walking next to Seokjin.

You slowly placed both of your hands on Jungkook’s shoulders and hobbled over until you could lean your front onto his back. It was an awkward position, made even more awkward by the fact you didn’t know the person who the back belonged to. As Jungkook stood up, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on for dear life. “I wont drop you, Noona.” You startled at the first words spoken by the boy, blinking owlishly. You could hear Seokjin’s giggle from behind you both. You decided to trust Jungkook and loosened your grip a bit. 

“Ready?” Namjoon asked the group. After receiving nods and noises of affirmation, the four of you set off in the direction of the quarry. 

The walk to the quarry took about an hour, with you all moving a little slower than normal. Namjoon wasn’t lying when he said Jungkook was strong. He has had you on his back the entire walk, only setting you down once to take a drink from Seokjin’s water bottle. You were more than a little impressed by the young man’s stamina.

You realized you were getting close to the quarry when you started to see old dilapidated fencing and signage that contained warnings about cliffs and falling rock. As you reached the edge of the forest, you saw a clearing of trees that had one path leading down into the quarry that had a broken fence attempting to block it, and another path leading up towards the abandoned warehouse. You haven’t seen the warehouse since you were in highschool, having not the greatest memories here, you tried to stay away. 

As you approached the large building, you weren’t able to outwardly tell anyone was living in it. The outside was all cement with large metal and glass windows that surrounded the upper perimeter of the structure. The roof was a large pyramid shape that used to hold glass, but was now a shell of metal and wire, with some jagged pieces of leftover glass hanging on. You knew from previous experiences that there was no electricity in the building, and when it got dark, it was incredibly dark out here, no surrounding city lights to illuminate the place. You weren’t fond of the dark and the sun would be setting soon, giving you an uneasy feeling. 

Jungkook was beginning to slow down a bit, tiring from walking uphill to the warehouse. The path to get to the building was fairly long and winding. Your arms were crossed haphazardly across Jungkook’s chest to anchor you to his back and when you felt his breathing starting to pick up, you absentmindedly started rubbing one of your hands slowly up and down his pectoral. He straightened up at your movements and you immediately stopped, fearing you had made him uncomfortable. Your cheeks heated and you were glad he couldn’t see your face at the moment. You were sure because of his timid nature, he wasn’t faring much better. 

“You said you knew this place, have you been here before?” Namjoon asked curiously, ever the observant one. 

You nodded, “In highschool. Haven’t been here in years, though.” You explained. You turned your head to the right to see Namjoon and Seokjin walking together… holding hands? You thought briefly about how attached Jungkook had been to Seokjin earlier, holding onto him and following him around. Maybe it was a comfort thing? You filed away the thought for a later time. They weren’t looking at you, but Namjoon nodded in acknowledgement to what you said. 

“We’ve only been staying here for a few weeks,” Namjoon started to elaborate, “there are two more of our group inside. Don’t worry, they’re nice,” he explained quickly upon seeing apprehension written all over your face, “we’ve all known each other a long time, most of us lived together at Big Hit.” Namjoon and Seokjin both grimaced at the memory.

Seokjin took over for the other, “Yoongi and Hoseok are,” he hesitated, “different.” He spoke with careful words, “Yoongi is a little abrasive, just be ready for that. He says what he wants and doesn’t really hold back. He doesn’t trust easily, if at all, so I just want to prepare you for that,” your heart sank a little, feeling empathetic towards the man you haven’t even met, but continued listening carefully to Jin’s words, “Hoseok is a little mysterious. He’s really outgoing and very friendly,” Seokjin giggled, “he’s a lot like a golden retriever, but like Yoongi, he doesn’t trust easily. He’s had a really rough time since we left the facility,” Seokjin’s expression changed into something darker, something you haven’t seen on the man before.

You hurt for these men. They’ve been through so much. You can’t imagine the things they’ve seen or were put through, and you weren’t sure you wanted to find out. One thing you did know, though, was that you felt inclined to do something, to help, in any way that you could, seeing as they have been nothing but helpful toward you. You weren’t sure what you could even do to help them, having not been through the things they have. You really didn’t know much about Big Hit, or about designer baby companies in general. Your parents have hidden you away from the outside world, keeping you sheltered from what goes on in places like those. You’re starting to wonder if maybe that had done more harm than good. 

“Thank you,” you started, gaining the attention of all three men with you, “for being so kind to me. I wasn’t the most welcoming when we met, but I - I just want you to know I’m thankful for you guys, even if we don’t really know each other. Even if I’m not totally sure what’s going on, or what’s going to happen.” You laid your head on Jungkook’s shoulder as you finished speaking, feeling exhausted. You didn’t want to think about how tired poor Jungkook was feeling. 

Namjoon nodded and gave you a small smile before saying, “We couldn’t let what happened to us, happen to anyone else. If we can put a stop to DNA poaching, we will.” His tone conveyed so much conviction, you couldn’t help but believe him, when suddenly you remember something he said earlier.

“Didn’t you say that some of your… friends were still at Big Hit?” You weren’t sure what to call them. Family? They definitely seemed closer than just friends. You felt Jungkook stiffen beneath you and you were momentarily worried you had upset him, before Seokjin started to explain.

“Yes, two others,” Jin spoke quietly. Something dark flashed across his eyes as he continued, “We call them the twins, Jimin and Taehyung. They’re really close.” Namjoon smiled softly after the mention of his two friends, but continued staring at the ground as you all walked together. “They’re tough. At least, Jimin is, and Taehyung will be ok if he stays with Jimin. We’re doing everything we can to get them out. Yoongi spends all his time trying to figure out a way to hack into Big Hit’s system and break them out of there,” Seokjin let out a long sigh before turning to look at you, “They belong with us. We all belong together.”

Your chest hurt at Seokjin’s words. You could tell how much the six other men meant to him, how much they all meant to one another. The look Jin and Namjoon were currently giving each other proved as much. Namjoon slowly rubbed his free hand up and down Jin’s arm in a comforting manner. You internally smiled at the action. You felt a slight ease at the knowledge that they had each other through everything they had been through, and everything they were going through now. Your heart broke at the thought of the twins still being stuck at Big Hit. 

“We’re here,” Namjoon said softly, “I’m going to let the others know we have company,” he said to Jungkook and Jin, who both nodded in affirmation, before he walked through a large metal door on the side of the building. The way Namjoon spoke made you worry. What if the others didn’t like you? What if they wanted you to leave? Jin did tell you that they weren’t very trusting, understandably so. But would that mean they wouldn’t trust you either?

As you and the two men approached the side of the warehouse, Jungkook slowly knelt down to let you off his back, which you happily obliged. You didn’t mind being carried, but you felt incredibly bad for the young man and his poor muscles. As you slid onto the ground, you used Jungkook’s shoulders for support. When both your feet were on solid ground, you eased up to your full height, ignoring the stinging pain in the soles of your feet. You hobbled over to the side of the building and briefly took in your haggard appearance. Both feet and hands were wrapped in bandages, your ankles were bloodied, and your left forearm was sporting a rather nasty purple bruise. You could only imagine what your face looked like. 

While you were lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t noticed Jungkook and Seokjin standing off to the side whispering to each other, not so discreetly staring at you. Jungkook was curious by nature, so of course he was incredibly curious about you. A beautiful natural born, a woman at that. He thought you were the prettiest thing he had ever seen, not that he had seen much outside his six best friends and the labs he’s lived at, but still. You were new and interesting to him. He desperately wanted to get to know you more, but he was nervous.

The loud bang of the metal door Namjoon had previously entered brought you out of your self conscious reverie, startling both you and Jungkook, causing you both to jump. 

“YN,” Namjoon seemed a little out of breath, worrying you immediately, “do you have a phone?”

Your eyes widened for a moment before you nodded quickly. You pulled it out of your pocket to see you had twenty two notifications from your group chat, a missed call from Mina, some missed texts from your mom, and seven missed calls from your dad. You unlocked your phone and opened the text messages from your mom first. 

From Mom [7:51 pm]: Where are you??

From Mom [7:52 pm]: We’re worried about you Pearl, please come home

From Mom [7:55 pm]: YN whatever happened we can explain, please just come home sweetie.

You swallowed a lump in your throat as you looked up at Namjoon. Your mom knew something. Whatever happened, she said. Her or your father must have known you saw him and Hyunwoo earlier. Why would she assume something happened if you never said anything? “I think they know,” you trailed off, noticing a small, blonde man bursting through the metal door and appearing behind Namjoon.

“Give it to me,” the shorter man demanded in a tone that made you flinch, holding his hand out to you.

Seokjin sighed as he rubbed his hand down his face. He walked over to the blonde and put his hand on his shoulder. “Ease up Yoongi. Remember how scared you were when we first found you?” Jin was speaking in a soft tone, but you could tell he was giving an order. Yoongi scoffed in your direction and then turned in Jin’s grasp, looking up at the much taller man.

“Fuck off, Jin. You’re going to trust some girl you just met? They probably tracked her all the way here,” his eyes were narrowed into tiny slits as he glared at Seokjin. Yoongi pushed past Jin, purposely bumping into his shoulder on the way back through the door. You could hear Namjoon sigh from next to you. Jin watched on sadly as Yoongi stormed off before turning around to take in your somewhat pathetic form. You were battered and bruised, still a little bloody, clothes dirty, the bottom of your pants ripped and wet from falling. You stood with your shoulders hunched, eyes trained on the ground in front of you, one hand down at your side and the other clasping your hurt ribcage, looking as small as you could make yourself. Jin’s heart broke at the sight of you, and he could tell Namjoon was feeling the same by the quick glance they shared. Namjoon walked over to you and placed his large hand on your shoulder, causing you to peer up at him through your long lashes. He couldn’t help but think you must be the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen, even in the state you were in currently.

“I’m sorry about him, like Jin said, he can come off a little… strong,” Namjoon glanced behind him at Jin, who nodded in agreement, “He only wants what’s best for the rest of us, and he is right, even though he may not have gone about it the right way. They can track your phone, and it would be smart to get rid of it, or at least let Yoongi hack it.”

You instantly understood why Yoongi had reacted to you in the way that he had, and you definitely didn’t hold it against him. You nodded your head a little too quickly at Namjoon, “No, I understand. Can- can I just text my friends? They’re probably worried about me, and I don’t know when I’ll get to see them next.”

Namjoon’s eyes softened at the small way you asked him for permission. He didn’t want you to feel like a prisoner in any way. You were a guest, and hopefully with time, a part of their little family. “Of course, YN.”

You gave him a small smile in thanks before unlocking your phone and opening your group chat. You ignored the massive onslaught of text messages and opted for sending something short and sweet so they knew you were ok. You just hoped they’d understand not to come looking for you. You knew how Mina could get when she was worried. 

From you [8:23 pm]: hey guys, sorry I can’t explain right now, but i’m not going to be home for a while. I’m safe, please don’t worry. I will get in contact with you both asap. Please, please don’t come looking for me.

You didn’t wait for a reply, realizing you probably wouldn’t be able to handle ignoring whatever it was that Mina or Woo would say in response. You locked your phone before handing it to Namjoon who pocketed it. “I’ll give this to Yoongi later.”

You weren’t super keen on letting the man who wasn’t very fond of you go through your personal device, but you figured it was for the best and Namjoon wouldn’t lead you astray. At least, you hoped as much. Namjoon wrapped one of his long arms under your own arms to help lead you into the warehouse as Jungkook, who had been completely silent throughout the whole ordeal, walked over to your other side to help. Seokjin trailed behind the three of you as you entered the building.

Yoongi didn’t like this. He didn’t like it one bit. As soon as Namjoon had come back to their temporary home, bursting through his door, letting him know they found you, he knew he didn’t like you. Yoongi had hoped against all hope that they wouldn’t find you, or if they did, you wouldn’t believe them or agree to come with them. He was actually positive that you would, in fact, tell them to fuck off. But the fact that you were now here told him you were weak, pathetic even. You would’ve gone with any stranger that told you their sob story. Or at least, that’s what he thought. 

The second Yoongi found out about the young girl, a natural born, that was just like them, he wanted to believe it wasn’t true. What he had found in these six other men, was something he had never felt before. He felt like he was home when he was with them. Bringing you into the equation would only ruin things, make the others forget about him, love him less. He needed them, and they needed him. They didn’t need you, and he was going to make Namjoon and Seokjin see that, too. They were so adamant on finding you, on making sure Hyunwoo and the others never got their hands on you. But why? What made you so special? Sure, you were female, a rarity when it came to natural borns with near perfect DNA. When it came to natural borns with perfect markers in their DNA, males were much more common. But that didn’t mean they had to go and risk their lives, their safety, for you. He knew Namjoon wouldn’t let up, though. He made it his life mission to help natural borns like themselves, save them from the horrors they had gone through. 

Yoongi was bitter. That much was obvious to anyone in the warehouse. But he also didn’t want to let you destroy the relationship and bond that the seven of them built together. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure you hated it here. Make sure you wanted to leave after he was done with you. He couldn’t watch his family fall apart because of some stranger, all because Namjoon was a martyr by nature. No, he couldn’t allow it. 

But the second he took one look at you, standing outside, wet and bloody, saw the look in your big beautiful eyes as he so heartlessly demanded things from you, he knew he stood no chance. 

To be continued...

A/N: WOO! All the boys have been introduced, but we still need to meet two of them. Let me know what you thought! My asks are always open. I also have character sheets for all the boys and YN if you want to know specifics about them. I love hearing from you guys! 

xx Des

taglist: @minifruity​  @mrcleanheichou @arantxaglz​ 

copyright aliendes 2020

[sapphicmsmarvel]

JJ: Dear Sister

TW: drug abuse, mentions of depression and anxiety and mentions of sexual assault. Under the cut. 

im really proud of this one, I actually created a story! like with a plot and motive, I really like it! 

Being in the BAU and being away from your family was both a blessing and a curse, you were away from your mom and dad, your hometown and hometown friends. But the plus was, you were away from your sister. 

Your half-sister was a full on piece of shit, now she wasn’t a piece of shit because she’s an addict (which is what most people assume when you say you don’t like your sister because then they find out she’s an addict and are like “well she needs your support”). Being an addict does not make her a shitty person because you know it’s a mental illness and these people need help.

Your sister is just a piece of shit, because her personality sucks. Not because of the drugs. 

(a little author's note because I have Anxiety, addicts deserve all the help they can get and should never be put down for their mental illness. This sister just sucks, she is not a bad human being because of her being addicted to drugs. Okay continue)

You sister, Molly, used your father for his money to the point where even you had to intervene. She abandoned her kids to run off with some guy then had your dad come get her out of trouble, she has been arrested multiple times. She never takes responsibility for her actions and blames everyone else.

Part of recovery is taking responsibility and righting your wrongs. She on the other hand makes the wrongs worse by acting like a child when she is 30 years old.  

So to escape her nagging and just the horrible mental space you get in whenever she’s around, you moved out to D.C. You went to the FBI academy, went back home to celebrate (which she didn’t come to when she was invited) and then you went back to work at Quantico. 

All your anxieties about her left pretty soon after starting at your job. You knew she wouldn’t call you for help anymore considering you worked for the FBI, also met some amazing people.

Including your wonderful, beautiful girlfriend, JJ. 

JJ had just gotten divorced when she met you, she was apprehensive at the thought of dating someone so soon, especially a girl, she’s always been bi but never dated a girl. But she woman’d up and asked you out. 

Years flew by of you two dating, the kids loved you so much, JJ was shocked at how good you were with kids when to her knowledge, you were an only child. But, you felt guilt curdle in your gut for not telling her. So one night when the boys were finally in bed, you told her everything. From being the youngest, to dealing with your sister's addiction, your assault, your depression and anxiety, you told her the complete story. Every. Single. Chapter. 

She had barely seen you cry, but she saw you bawl at this. She held you and calmed you down, you explained your fear of being judged for Molly’s actions because people might think you are the same to her just because you are half-sisters. You apologized for keeping it from her for years into your relationship.

“Yes, I wish you would have told me but not because I ‘deserve’ to know everything about your past. Because you were suffering in silence, part of being girlfriends is talking about things and getting support from each other. I love you, Y/N. That’ll never change.” She explained. “Also I want to meet your family, I want to meet the strong daughters of hers and be a part of their lives just like you are a part of Henry and Michaels.” 

The next week you two scheduled a visit out there with the kids, you flew back to your home state, legs bouncing anxiously the entire time, she held your hand the whole way. 

The visit went really well, your nieces were obviously protective of you because you were their mother figure while Molly was in rehab and countless relapses. You took care of them and they were very protective over their aunt. 

But, they loved JJ and the boys, as did your entire family. 

When you two went back to work, Morgan speculated that you eloped because of how glowy and light you two seemed. JJ explained that the two of you were just happy and got a mental break to yourselves. 

Your nieces flew out to visit the next year, then JJ proposed the next week. Life was going great, until you got a call from one of Molly’s friends, “what’s wrong?” You answered, JJ looking up from the dining room table worriedly. 

“Molly is with the FBI,” she whispered as if the FBI was listening. 

Your stomach sank, “what do you mean?” 

“..I shouldn’t be telling you.” “You called me Katy!” You yelled, your father's anger coming out. “What did she do that got the FBI involved?” Your phone buzzed again which meant you were getting another call, unfortunately this one was more important. You looked to see JJ on the phone. 

Your thoughts went to the worse, Molly is at Quantico. But JJ was probably just talking to her mom. Her mom called a lot, yeah, that had to be it. 

“She was running a drug scheme and got busted as well as several felonies.” 

“Shit.” You sighed, “do you know where the bureau she’s located at is?” 

“Some place called Quantico.” 

No. No. No. No. 

---------------------------------------------------------

The drive to Quantico was awful and anxiety ridden, JJ held your hand as she drove, the boys were at Will’s. You were calling your dad, telling him not to tell the girls until you know more  because they lived with him. JJ explained that the phone call was Hotch saying the interrogation with your sister was happening and they wanted two of their best agents there. The buzzing during the phone call was Rossi. They didn’t know it was your sister, your last name was common, you’ve run into plenty of people in your line of work with your last name. 

But you were told that you two looked similar, and they’re all smart but you know Reid will put it together before anyone else. Hell, he probably already has. 

You pulled up to the building, there were a bunch of cop cars as well as other Agent vehicles. JJ didn’t hold your hand on the way up to where they all were, she didn’t want it to be obvious that you were in emotional turmoil. 

You met them right before the interrogation room, you looked into the window, she looked horrible. Obviously, she was using again, she had all the signs, every memory from high school came back. Seeing her so skinny and malnourished from the drugs. Her hair was lackluster, it was flat and dull in color, her skin was deathly pale and had many skin breakouts due to how shot her entire system is. 

Garcia filled all of you in everything she’s done. You already knew this though, Hotch gave you a weird look because you wouldn’t stop staring off into space (which showed your anxiety was spiraling bad). You also didn’t chime to help, you just shut down. 

Hotch moved to behind you and touched your back lightly, “can I see you for a moment?” You two slipped out without making it obvious, you were sure none of them noticed but Hotch knows you like a daughter. 

He shut the door to his office, “what’s going on, Y/N?”

You shrugged, “nothing.” 

“I know you’re lying, did you and JJ have a fight that’s distracting you? Is your mental health acting up again?”

“No, God, No. And You know if we have problems we let them go at work to get things done.” You said defensively. 

“Well, both of you are pretty closed off right now, usually you two never leave each other's sides during cases. You aren’t being attentive and aren’t chiming in. If it’s not your mental health or JJ, what is it?” 

You bit your lip nervously, “that woman in there, she’s my half-sister.” 

Well, it was clear he wasn’t expecting that, “It’s not in your file that you have siblings.” “That part was optional, I left it blank for a reason.” 

“What happened?” He asked gently. 

“She chose that life over her family, over her children. We paid for so many facilities and got her help multiple times. She threw it all away. I can’t forgive her for that.” 

He nodded, “think you can go back in there?”

“I want that bitch locked away, Hotch. If you allow me to have that personal vendetta, then yes I want to go back there.” You said, determined. The fire in you igniting more. You would make sure she never saw her kids again. 

He nodded and gestured towards the door, “lead the way.” -------------------------------------------

“I want to go in there to interrogate her.” You spoke, your voice void of any emotion, you got really good at hiding your emotions. Especially around her. 

Rossi nodded, oblivious to the looks JJ was giving you, “sounds like a plan to me, you are the toughest I feel like right next to Hotch and Morgan.” 

You smiled in response, it was light praise to you. 

“Hey Y/N?” Reid asked. 

“Yeah?” You looked at him, pushing a stray hair that fell in your face back. 

“She looks a lot like you, and has the same last name.” He said gently. 

“Yes, she’s my half-sister, Reid.” You said, looking at the entire team's reactions. 

To say they were shocked would be an understatement. 

“Are you sure you should go in there then?” Morgan asked. 

You nodded, “I can do it. I don’t really care if she gets locked away. In fact, I think everyone in my family will be better off.” 

Nobody said anything at your words, then Emily spoke, “go get the confession.” 

---------------------------------------------

You stood outside the door, JJ came up and gave you a kiss, “you got this, babygirl.” 

You blushed, then groaned, “great now I’m gonna be all flustered.” 

She laughed, it made your heart lighter, “I love you.”

“I love you.” You said back, she kissed you again and walked away.

You waited a few moments to open the door, you could do this.

When you opened it, she looked up to see who it was, she saw you and gave you a confused look, “Y/N? What are you doing here?”

“If you came to my graduation party, you would know this is where I worked.” You said, like she was stupid. 

“I knew you were in the FBI at least.” “Considering all the laws you’ve broken, I wouldn’t have thought so.” You threw the file on the table, “I’ve already told them about everything you did to my family, to your children. They aren’t so happy and everybody here is dedicated to locking you away. You can’t play the victim card anymore.” You spoke gently, trying to keep nerves out of your voice. 

“Traitor.” She hissed. 

“Hm, you knew you had a relative in the FBI yet you still kept doing bad things, you also have two kids you left for a crime ring so I don't think I’m the traitor here.” You said sitting across from her, you ignored the anxiety in your veins, you wanted to fiddle with your engagement ring but didn’t really wanna talk about JJ with this woman. 

“Tell me what happened,” You leveled her with a look, that same look that your father would give her, the ‘i’m disappointed’ look, she had some feelings, and that look usually worked. “Why would I tell you?” You shrugged, “I don’t know, you bragged about getting kidnapped before so I wonder what you’ll brag about now, maybe seeing the inside of Quantico, maybe how they tried to break you and you resisted.”

“They sent my baby sister in to intimidate me,” she scoffed, “pathetic.” 

“Oh that isn’t my job.” You smiled, you were going to enjoy this. 

“Whose job is it?” She deadpanned, not having any of your shit, but you didn’t care. It was too much fun. 

“The prison guard outside who’s waiting to guide you to prison.” You shrugged.You could feel the ‘Hotch’ look through the glass for telling her so much. 

But you knew how to scare her, how to make her feel like shit. Guilt tripping was the best, hearing her lies, it was almost comical at how ridiculous they were. 

“Your daughters are doing great by the way, they stayed here with me for a week.” It was a great week, Hotch granted you and JJ time off to spend time with them and the boys. JJ even asked for their permission to marry you, she proposed the next week on your anniversary.

She sighed and looked at the mirror, it was like she was staring down your team on the other side. 

You sat in silence for a few minutes, before she spoke. “I’m sorry.” “No.” You simply said, shaking your head. 

“No?” She asked. 

“Don’t say you’re sorry just to say it, I don’t want some apology, you’re going to prison no matter what.” You shrugged. You forbade your emotions getting involved right now. JJ and the team were working overtime to get this confession out in time. 

“Bullshit, I am not.” She insisted, her voice going up a couple octaves. She was nervous. 

“What? You think you’re just gonna walk out of here? You have several federal offenses.” You opened her file, “carjacking, credit card fraud and identity theft alone are going to be up to 30 years in prison.” 

“There’s no proof.” She was just spitting stuff out at this point, she was getting frazzled. Her eyes, eyes that you both shared from your father, were wide and full of fear. 

“There are countless video files as well as credit card traces and millions of other traces. You’ve been on the list for years it seems.” You said, your eyes scanning over everything, every single mugshot, or street camera shot. All the proof was in the folder, you just needed a confession. 

“I know you deal, so just confess and we can both get out of this awkward family reunion.” You spoke, your head resting against your hand.

Her eyes caught on the diamond, “you married?”

“Engaged.” You said calmly. 

“What’s his name?” You rolled your eyes. “You know I’m gay, why do you keep insisiting that I’m into men?” “Oh yeah because you were assaulted, got it.” She acted like she just solved the greatest mystery. 

Your stomach sank even further, “Your ignorance is baffling.”

“Ignorance?”

“Yup, you criticize other people's lives and then once someone throws it back at you, you get offended. You are the queen of hypocrites.” you paused, “that’s what your drug lord name should’ve been.”

“..What?”

“The Hypocrite Queen, has a bite to it, doesn’t it?” You tilted your head, feeling her vibes out. 

“What?” She asked, her voice trembling. She was scared. 

Good. A dark part of you whispered. 

“Sure it doesn’t have as much fire as The Bite. But it’ll do.” You said, nonchalant. As if discussing paint colors. 

“How do you know about any of this?”

You smiled, enjoying her fear and the fact that you’re winning. “You know, I wonder what Adam Davis would think about all of this, or Betty Walsh, Allie Simmers, Jaden Carsdale, Julia Brewermen.” You named off just a few of the people her drugs killed. 

“I don’t know who those people are.” Her voice was barely above a whisper and she couldn’t make eye contact. 

You nodded, “those are the people you killed.” “Drugs killed them.” She clarified without thinking. 

The door behind you opened, you turned to see JJ, “we need you in Garcia’s office.” It was a horrible lie, but you knew it was all done. You nodded, you started getting up when you heard Molly speak. 

“What about family, sissy?”

“That’s rich coming from you, you are the same woman who abandoned her children for some dude you met two days before you left.”

“That was the addiction.”

“No it wasn’t, you did the same thing when you were fifteen, with a twenty six year old might I add; right before you got pregnant with your first born. You weren’t addicted then, so don't blame an addiction you use as a crutch to get through life. Being an addict doesn’t mean you are automatically pardoned from everything you ‘ve done, to me, to dad, to your two kids who are fifteen years old and already know that they never want to see you again.”

“What have I done to you?” She had the nerve to look heartbroken.

Manipulative bitch

“Tried to manipulate me to say I took dads alcohol when I was fourteen, I told you I was gay and you asked if I was gay because I was assaulted. You used my mom and your dad for money, you lied to us, multiple times about so many things that I’ve lost count. You hurt people for your own gain, you are the most selfish person I’ve ever met. You know, I went into a career where I deal with horrible people and now I know why I’m so good at it, because I grew up dealing with a horrible person that was close to me. Someone who hurt multiple people that I love-” “I get it, I hurt people-” “I’m not done! You’ve judged me my entire life and treated me poorly and now, I get to enjoy the fact that I get to watch you get put behind bars forever. You will never see your children again, you will never use our family for money, and people will no longer pity you.” 

You walked out without another word, JJ was right there, she gripped your hand because she knew you needed the support. 

With Molly locked away, you could finally breathe and feel free from her problems. You made all the necessary phone calls to your dad. Booked a flight to go and explain everything to your nieces. 

JJ would be by your side through it all.

[drreidfics]

Dr. Reid and the Broken Girl pt.2

DR. REID AND THE BROKEN GIRL (Working Title)

Characters : SpencerReid x FemReader

Warnings : Abuse, Hints of Self Harm, Eating Disorders, Scenes of Suicidal Behaviours.

CAUTION // TW // THIS BOOK DEALS WITH MATURE CONTENT SUCH AS PROFESSOR AND STUDENT RELATIONSHIP, SEXUAL ASSULT, SELF HARM, MENTAL ILLNESS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE. IT ALSO INCLUDES A LOT OF RATED-R MATERIAL. IF THIS IS TRIGGERING OR MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THEN PLEASE DON’T READ.

I munched on a crunchy chicken taco. It was all I was allowing myself to have today. I'd had a try of Dr. Reid's homemade soup that he had made. He was adorable. It was the sweetest thing. His soup would steam up his reading glasses as he slurped the juice off of his spoon. I wish I was that spoon!

"You have to try this Sweet, It's my momma's recipe" he beamed, pushing the spoon towards me.

"But I'm dieting"

"Stop being silly. There's hardly anything on you". He lifted the spoon to my mouth. I slurped the soup. I will admit, it was yummy.

"I am round under these clothes" I joked.

"Round in the places that count" He retorted before clearing his throat and blushing, realising what he had said might have been inappropriate. It gave me butterflies. He liked my body, but my head was a mess and the only opinion that mattered was the screaming voice within it Feeling fat, I nibbled at the taco in my hand. I'd already eaten way too much. Luna slurped on her drink loudly. I frowned. Here we go.

"I saw Dom around town during study break" Luna stated, staring down at her tray full of food."Study break is for studying, not shopping!" I joked, trying to change the subject. My eyes darted anywhere but her. "It's still happening isn't it" She stated matter of factly. I couldn't reply. I could only stare at the floor. What did she expect me to say? Open up to her and tell her all the gory details? She knew enough as it was. She had seen the parts of me, the marks on me, that nobody else had. She had kissed my bruises once upon a time, made me feel safe, cuddled me to sleep. She knew intimate details nobody else did and she swore blind she would kill him. I had to talk her out of going to the cops. It would only make things worse, I'd protest. It usually ended in an argument. Maybe I would tell her everything that is going on within me one day. But today wasn't that day.

She sensed that she had stepped out of line and the look in her eyes told me that she felt terrible. In reality, she shouldn't have, she was my best friend, once was more, and she cared for me. I was the one out of line. I was making her feel bad for caring. My nails picked at the skin on my opposite hand. She noticed and reached her arm over, her hand cupping mine and her thumb stroking my wrist. She opened her mouth to speak again

"and this has to stop too. This not eating, the self-harm, this bad self-image. It's gotta stop."

I sighed. I knew she was right. But I wasn't going to admit it. A look of anguish crossed her perfectly symmetrical face. I looked down at the tray of food in front of us. It was easy for her to say. She was beautiful. She was everything I was not. I wasn't ready to get help. That was the whole truth. You cannot help a person if they are not willing to get help. I am not willing.

"I have eaten today" I said hoping that it would convince her to drop the subject. "A shitty taco from shitty Taco Bell isn't enough - no offence' She said, turning her head to the nosey cleaning lady stood by our table, earwigging for the last bit. I couldn't help but giggle. "I ate earlier" "Mmh, When?" "Dr. Reid gave me a bit of his lunch". A smirk crossed her perfect features. "Y/N and Reid, sitting in a - ' "-Hi," an all too familiar voice interrupted, from behind me, sounding shy. My heart fluttered at the sound of it. I could recognise it anywhere. My cheeks burned a bright red. Had he heard? How long had he been stood there? I am going to kill her, I thought. Luna is forever dropping me in the shit. I kicked her leg gently from under the table and turned to face him. He looked nervous... adorable. "Oh, hi Dr." Luna said, looking past me, smiling. "Y/N, thanks for the dinner". She turned to Spencer. "I was just leaving for the bathroom. You can have my seat! You kids have fun!" she joked.

She stood up, kissing my cheek and gathering her belongings, before skipping away. What was she doing? I thought. She ran towards the glass exit doors. I am going to murder her, one day, I really am. It was pouring rain, it was dark, it was cold and she was my ride.

"I'm - I'm thirty-" Dr. Reid called after her, looking like a lost pup, his social awkwardness coming out. He stood around awkwardly and licked his bottom lip. I loved it when he did that. I had noticed he had done it a few times around me and he had confessed to me that that was what he did when he was nervous. Do I make him nervous? ... Stop this thought process! He was probably nervous because he had just bumped into his college student un-arranged outside of class. It had nothing at all to do with me. Still, what I wouldn't give for him to bend me over and fuck me right now. I bit my lip as thoughts of him bending me over the table and taking me entered my mind.

"I haven't interrupted your date have I?" he asked grimacing, interrupting my dirty thoughts and swaying side to side.

A small smile spread across my face. Yes, he was interrupting, butnot for the reason he thinks. He swayed a little, unsure of what to do with himself, and straightened out his coat.

"No. We're friends. You know this" I replied warmly. "Well, we were, then we were kind of dating, now we're not. I'm not gay. Well I kind of am. I'm not sure what I am. Oh, you know this all - I do like men too - Sorry, I'm oversharing. I do that when I'm nervous" I stuttered, anxious. He looked amused now, his dark eyes twinkling. He looked amazing.

I noticed his top button was undone and I just wanted to rip off the rest of his shirt. His hair was slightly messier than usual. I wanted to run my fingers through it. He must have had a stressful day. Don't worry Dr. Reid, my mouth could make it all better, I thought.

His black trench coat fitted him perfectly. He had it unbuttoned slightly and he had on a purple scarf with a brown saddle bag. I loved the vintage element that he somehow managed to incorporate into anything he wore. He always looked smart. And hot. He had a hand full of brown paper shopping bags and a coffee in his spare hand.

"Hey, none of my business what you like to do in the bedroom. You can like whoever you want to like, I was just worried I'd interrupted." he held up his hands defensively, a cheeky smirk on his face. "Excuse me if I'm wrong but I think your friend has left you. I mean, that's definitely not the bathroom door... unless I've been doing it wrong my whole life." he joked with a smile as he slipped into the booth seat across from me.

I giggled at his joke. It wasn't a forced giggle. It was a genuine one. He always made me giggle when I was around him. Maybe it was the excitement that he filled me with. The light hit his eyes perfectly. Beautiful, shiny, and captivating. I could have stared into them all night. He smiled and, looking down shyly, took a sip of his steaming coffee. "Who comes to Taco Bell for coffee?" I questioned, my tone a teasing one. He smiled up at me. "Who comes to Taco Bell for a date?" he retorted. I put up my middle finger. He mocked heartbreak. "No I got this overpriced beauty at Starbucks. I was walking by and I saw you in here and couldn't resist not seeing you"

I blushed violently. He shuffled awkwardly in his seat and cleared his throat. An awkward silence filled the air. This was the first time I had felt at a loss for words around him. I don't think he meant it like I wished he did. He doesn't like me. He's just friendly. His eyes darted anywhere but mine. He most certainly didn't mean it in the way that I was hoping he'd mean it and that was why he couldn't look me in the eye. He probably came to ask me how my school work was going or something. We had flirted quite a bit but it was all fun and games... that or his awkward social interaction.

"I like our conversations Spence, so... I'm glad." I smiled trying to fill the awkward silence and taking a slurp of my diet soda. He smiled before looking behind him. "Is your friend coming back?" he asked, his beautiful eyes darting from me to the door. I looked around. She'd taken her coat, her bag and her car keys with her when she left. I had presumed she'd wait in her car for me... I turned to look out the window and noticed her car was no longer there. I guess she's not...

"No. I don't think so. Sorry about her. She's a little..."                                            "-Erratic?'" he asked, interrupting me and brushing his, slightly curled at the end, chestnut coloured hair out of his eyes.                                                                                                                                           

  "Yes. And she was my ride." I sighed.

"Huh -”

“- don't worry, I can give you a ride" he smiled, as he shoved a handful of Luna's leftover fries into his mouth, making me smile. He looked so cute. I've never wanted to hold someone more than what I did in that moment. Damn it, stop this, I scolded. It was no use having feelings for someone, who'd never love you back, right? All I was doing was teasing myself. A man like him would never fall for a girl like me regardless of whether he was my professor or not. I knew this, he knew this and I needed to stop being so silly.

"Thank-you" I smiled. He smiled back. "I am a true gentleman. So, how was your day?" He asked, still shoving cold fries into his mouth. "It was pretty shitty, to be honest. My lunch break was fun though" I smiled. He winked at me making my heart flutter. "I have that charm" he joked. "You'll have to keep me around to save your day". "Oh for sure I do" I smiled.

He slipped his legs further towards me, wrapping them around mine, from underneath the table. Normally I would flinch and jolt back at any sort of unsuspected human touch. But, I didn't move. It just felt so...natural. So... right. Being so close to him always made me feel safe.

If his legs were giving me so many sparks then I can't imagine what his dick would feel like. I felt heat radiating from down there. I find it very hard to get turned on due to what I am dealing with but he just does wonders to me. I am a hot mess around him. I felt wrong thinking this. Not only was he my professor, my best friend, but I felt guilt for thinking that way given my situation. I shouldn't want a man to touch me. Should I? I usually don't. The only person I could ever stand the thought of touching me intimately was Luna... Until this man entered my life. Dr. Reid... What are you doing to me.

After an hour of talking and laughing we had decided it was time to call it a night. The manager of the restaurant, looked at us throughout, pretty annoyed. The poor woman just wanted to close up for the night but was too polite to ask us to leave.

He skipped in front of me in the empty car park, laughing joyously before spinning around to look at me. "So, home?" he asked. I nodded. Yeah, home... "Oh. Here you go". He slipped his coat off of his shoulders and wrapped it around me. The fall air had dropped cold. Extreme opposite to the warm weather we had throughout the day. I didn't think I could fall more in love. Was I really in love though? I mean, can you really be in love with someone that you have never been intimate with? Of course, you can, right? Intimacy doesn't have to be sex, I reminded myself.

I'd known him for over a year now. We had been close since the first day he walked into the classroom, on that cold depressing day in September, and announced that he was taking over Professor Baldwin. I still remember his face, how he looked as I peaked up from the book that I was reading, his eyes softening as they met mine. I'd always felt this connection with him. I can't explain it nor can I act on it. I just feel like, whenever we're near, he made me complete.

He has helped me through so much knowingly and unknowingly. He was there for me when Luna and I hit a rough spot in - whatever we had that was going on - we didn't name it and I'm glad of that. He along with Luna is the only person who knows I find both genders attractive. I would never dare tell Sharon. She was very old school. I was worried of how she might react. He also knew about my constant dieting - though not to the extent in which I did it - and I'd confide in him many a times when I just wanted it all to end. He had stayed up all night talking me down many times. I would never dare tell him that a lot of times I acted upon those thoughts though. He didn't get to know that part. Nor did he get to know what was going on at home. It was embarrassing. I would class him as one of my best friends. Was that weird? To be so close to your professor? I suppose it would be even weirder if I tired to act upon the dirty thoughts in my mind...

He interrupted my thoughts, pulling a set of car keys from his back pocket, unlocking his car. It was a very nice, expensive car. Sometimes I wondered if he was a part-time stripper with the car and the apartment (he had shown me pictures of it before he had moved in last fall.). He had an expensive taste that a teachers salary probably couldn't buy. There was something hiding behind those dark, mysterious eyes. My guess is a stripper. Heck, I'd pay to watch that.

I opened the passenger side door as he threw his bags into the boot. I wish I didn't have to go home. Back to him... "I'll direct you if you want?" I asked knowing the answer would be no. "No, it's ok, I don't live far from there so I can alway's remember where you live. I actually viewed a house to rent around that area." he smiled as he slipped into the driving seat and placed his keys in the ignition. "plus, eidetic memory?" he winked. I nodded my head as he shifted into drive pulled out of the parking lot. "Bet your alone time is always fun" I joked, biting my lip. "That it is" he smiled mysteriously.

It was a quiet drive. The rain pattered heavily against the windscreen and the wind blew violently. It was nice to listen to. It wasn't like we didn't have anything to talk about. It was just that we enjoyed being in each others company regardless of the silence. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket and I scrambled trying to find it. Spencer glanced over. Curious as to what I was doing.

"Text" I informed him. He smiled warmly and nodded before focusing back on the road. The phone screen lit up the car brightly hurting my eyes slightly. I was expecting a text from Luna asking how it was going or begging me to come round for some 'girl time' but it wasn't her. Instead, it was from Dom.

'Mom on business again. Means I get to do whatever I want 2 u for a week. U'll be sorry Luna got involved again. .' it read.

No, this can't be happening. I'm going to have a panic attack, I thought. No matter how often this happens it still hurts the same. The fear is still the same. How could she do this to me? I thought angrily. A tear fell from my eye and my breathing became heavy. I wiped it away frantically, hoping Spence hadn't seen it, my mind filled with thoughts of dread. What was he going to do? I always think that he had done his worst but he always seems to beat it every time his mother went away. Maybe this time he'll kill me. As sick as it was, that thought was the kindest thing he could do. Maybe I would have the guts end my own life tonight and get it over with.

"What is that?" a sharp voice interrupted my thoughts. I jumped in shock before fumbling for the lock screen button. "What? Oh, nothing. Sorry. Was the light distracting you?" I asked before realising that we had arrived at my house. Just my house, not my home. "No. In case you haven't noticed we are outside of your house. Now, what was that?" he asked, a little more harshly this time. What gave him the right to ask these questions? I thought, the anger inside me brewing.

"I said it was nothing" I said monotonously.

"Why are you lying to me Y/N?" he asked. Annoyance drenched his voice. A tear broke free again only this time I didn't care if he saw it. "Who was that and what did they mean?". I was so angry. How fucking dare he look over my shoulder. How dare he read my texts and how dare he demand me answer him when it had nothing to do with him at all.

"I can't believe this"

"What?"

"You. How fucking dare you" I spat out as I frantically gathered my things, unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the car door. "My texts have nothing to do with you. Who I text has nothing to do with you. My life has nothing do do with you. How dare you demand answers over something that has nothing to do with you. In case you haven't noticed, you are my teacher, I am your student. I am none of your concern" I got out of the car. "Thanks for the ride Dr". Venom laced my tongue. His face broke my heart but I was too angry at the time to care. I don't think I was angry at him. I think my anger just came out around him because I felt I was safe to show emotion. I slammed the car door and turned my back on him, running towards my front porch, knowing he was watching, making sure I was safe. But I was not looking back at him once. I knew it could have been the last time I'd ever see him. I should have stared at him longer.

Broken bone after broken bone. It started when I was 9 and had continued ever since. He was two years older and a lot stronger. I should be used to this pain, I should be used to the rape, I should be used to the bruises and I should be used to the names. I tell everyone I'm fine but when I am alone I cry. I cut myself within an inch of my life. I overdose on pills and lay in the bath hoping to pass out and drown. I tie a noose round my neck and dare myself to jump. It never works. Then I bandage it up, plaster on a smile and act like I'm okay.

I closed the door behind me entering quietly, willing him to be in his bedroom on a game or something, Hoping he'd be unable to hear me whilst I ran up the stairs and lock my door. I almost made it. Almost. But he stood tall in front of me, blocking me from my safety.

He left me alone at 2am, leaving to go on some drug fuelled party bender. The black fuzzes invaded my eyes, my ears screeching. Everywhere I looked they clouded my vision. I was too weak to do anything. It was a mix of not eating, my emotions building up, and the abuse I had suffered. Maybe it was time to give up? Was this supposed to be the end? Was this all that my life was to be? Blood dripped from my nose. I crawled towards my en-suite.

Sitting inside the walk in shower not even bothering to take off my long sweatshirt, I reached up, turning it on. The hot water stung my skin. It burned but it felt good. Maybe I could burn away his touch... My shaky hand reached for the Stanley knife I kept in there. I didn't have to hide it. I had no one checking up on me - no one that would notice. The sharp blade indented my wrist as I held it in place. I didn't feel fearful. I've tumbled down this hole many times before.

I pushed down hard, the blade cutting in deep, blood trickled down my arm. I watched as the thing that reminded me I was still living washed down the drain. I closed my eyes leaning my head against the shower wall. My phone sat, smashed up, on the floor near me. I really needed to apologise for what I've done, I thought. Maybe it was just my brain clinging onto life. A small, subconscious, part of me that still had hope.I don't know. Opening up my texts I typed,

'I'm sorry Spence. I shouldn't have had a go at you like that. It wasn't your fault. I'm having a hard time... I'm sorry, love you. Don't worry, I won't be around soon'

I typed. I didn't dare press send. The small voice in my brain comforted me. 'What would it matter. It's 4am, You'll be gone by the time he sees it anyway, it said. I gulped, hitting send, I placed my phone back on the floor. I felt dizzy and sick. I suppose it was due to the low blood sugars. My vision darkened and clouded again. I was tired. I pressed my head against the wall and closed my eyes allowing the darkness to consume me as my phone vibrated frantically on the floor. 

[geminimoonbeamx]

Oh, Baby: Chapter One

A/N: Okay so I’ve literally had this in my drafts for the last...six months or so? And I figured I’d tweak it and edit and post it since I’ve been so AWOL on this site lately, and so that I can give you guys some new content from me.

Word Count: 3k+

Warnings: Heavy cursing. This chapter is pretty PG, talks of mental illness, unexpected pregnancy and contemplating abortion- but she doesnt go through with it. Smut to come. AND LOTS OF FLUFF TOO, I promise lol

Summary: After a drunken night, Y/N finds herself having to face the biggest decision of her life; is she ready for motherhood? And a better question, is Bucky Barnes, her long time friend and womanizer extraordinaire, ready for fatherhood? They’ll just have to go along for the ride and find out together. A Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Reader Story 

Chapter 1/6: The Baby Woe’s and Oh No’s

You knew it.

You’d known something was off, different, changed.

You sit on your toilet, your world spinning as you attempt to wrap your mind around what was going on. Everything seems sludge like, too slow and too fast and not real.

You’re definitely going into shock, you point out to yourself. The catatonic kind. You’ve been staring at the bright, sunny lemon print of the shower curtain, your eyes focused but not seeing. Your elbows rest on your knees and your hands cover the entirety of your lower face.

At least you’re not crying anymore. 

Nope, your body had moved past that-Maybe, it felt like the tears could start rolling again at anytime.

Oh god, what are you going to do?

Why, why, why?

Why you? You’d been a good person- well a decent person at least… You recycled and tipped more than twenty percent. Didnt vote for Trump and ate your vegetables.

And your life was just seeming to even out. You’d somehow landed your dream job a couple months back- every Wednesday night your voice could be heard on WNEX. You we’re making enough money to finally be comfortable- doing what you loved. Gaining a wide audience and wiggling your way into the industry. Your mind was so career oriented, so focused on your end goal that you’d never even considered something like this.

Throwing a big fat wrench in the gears.

One night, it had only been one stupid, drunken night. Hadn't you racked up enough karma coins to cover your ass for one fucking night?

Are you there god? It’s me, Y/N, and I really fucked up this time.

Wanda comes back into the tiled room a few minutes, her dark features soft and a colorful mug in her hand.

“Are you okay?” She gauges, gently, as she reaches out to you.

You snort and shrug, but accept the steaming cup from her anyway. You look down at the swirling, murky drink.

Wishing for just one moment that you could drown yourself in it.

“Look, babe, I know you’re dealing with some major shock right now- but maybe you should go lay down. We’ll figure it out later-” Wanda’s voice is even and you appreciate her being so calm and sure during all of this but you just can't process the situation enough to accept it.

You can't go lay down.

“Why not?” Wanda questions and you didn't realize you’d said that out loud, you hadn't even felt your mouth form the words.

Your head really is swimming. Disconnected from your body a little bit. You force yourself to take a drink of the tea as she gives you a more pointed look.

“Because I have to- I don't know. I have to figure all this out” You protest. You can't hear your voice, how spiked with anxiousness it is.

“There’s not much to figure out” Wanda supplies, unhelpfully as she leans against the counter, arms folded over her chest and you give her a look that’s half between a glare and a gape.

“Um, what the fuck do you mean? There’s so much to figure out, I don't even know where to start” You give a short, sharp, slightly hysterical laugh gripping the mug hard enough to hurt with one hand while cupping your forehead with the other.

“Okay, first things first. And this is the big one: do you want this?”

Well, that whole ‘I'm done crying’ thought you’d had before was a lie. You feel the tears well up once more and overflow, spill down your already swollen cheeks. Your face is hot. Your tummy is full of rocks.

You’d always hated crying. It never made you feel released or freed or lighter like it did for other people. It made you feel icky and stupid. And afterwards it always felt like you’d gotten punched in the nose.

Yes, you did have a therapist to work out those issues with, thanks.

Your mind doesn't know what to do with that question.

You look at Wanda, searching her face as though she might have the answers but she just shook her head and reached out her hand to rub your shoulder. That’s all she could offer. Her support in whatever path you we’re about to embark on.

And then you look down, at the countertop. That was usually littered with stray tubes of mascara or straightening irons. Bobby pins and half lit candles. All the things that resided in the bathrooms of girls in their mid twenties.

In place of those was now four pregnancy tests. All of which read positive.

The first two had been those double lined ones. Two bold lines- both times. Then you’d ran down to the bodega at the end of the block and gotten two more. And those we’re more straight to the point. They literally read the word pregnant- in a font that you don't think you’d ever forget.

Did you want this? Did you want a baby?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“I dont know- I’m not ready. The timing is all wrong” You croak.

“Okay” Wanda coo’s “well there's alternatives then-” you squeeze your eyes closed at that thought “Either way we should make a doctors appointment to make sure you’re actually pregnant. I’ve read so many stories about how unreliable these things are”

She holds up one of the tests and rambles on about all of the online articles she’d come across. How some woman had taken a dozen of ‘em, gotten all positive results and then went in and had an empty uterus.

“For one, ew. I peed on that” You nod your head at the test in her hand and she rolls her eyes.

“Other side of it- and I held your hair when you got food poisoning from that shrimp shack. I’ve come into contact with worse body fluids of yours”

“For two- I’m pregnant. I know it. I’ve known it for weeks. I knew something was wrong and I just tried to...think it away, you know? Out of sight, out of mind? I sound insane” saying the words out loud makes you realize how...ludicrous those thoughts had been. But still. It was the truth.

She just nods though “You don't”

There’s a moment of silence. Stretching, as you stew in your reality.

“I’d be doing it alone” you whisper into the mug as you sip on it “I really dont think he’d want a baby”

“You would never be alone, you know that. You have so many people in your life that would support you with this” Wanda protests, sad that you’d even say that.

“You know what I mean” You push on. Because having a good group of friends and family wouldn't change the fact that you were possibly looking at the possibility of being a single mother.

If you decided to keep it, that is.

“Yeah I do- and I don't know if I agree with that. Bucky's a lot of things, an arrogant asshole at that top of that list, but he’s a good guy and I think he’d want to be involved. He doesn't give off deadbeat dad vibes”

All of that was true. Bucky is a good guy, at the core of him.

He was kind and decent and the two of you had been friends for years upon years. He was charming, magnetic and women loved him- you’d found it amusing, before you we’re the one in his bed after a drunken night a month ago.

He’d left your messages mostly on seen since then. You’d only sent a few, but still that had stung. Him icing you out the moment he’d gotten into your pants pissed you off, not only because it was rude but because it was expected.

You knew how Bucky was with women, it had been such an idiot move to sleep with him.

It made it all the more complicated that you ran in the same social circles- had all the same friends. Sam’s small promotion dinner a couple weeks ago had been extremely awkward for you, to say the least.

He’d earned himself the cold shoulder from you and no matter how many times he’d try to broach a conversation with you, crack a joke in your direction, or single you out in a group conversation you pretended he didn't exist.

“Damn, re-jec-ted” It had been so obvious that Clint had of course pointed it out, which was uncomfortable but expected because Clint had no filter like that.

Bucky had stopped trying after that- and started flirting back with the waitress that had been throwing herself at him throughout the night. You cut out early, claiming tiredness. And upset stomach. Whatever to get you out of there.

To say it was a shitty night was a bit of an understatement and you hadn't spoken one word to him since.

“I haven't talked to him since that night- and now I’m what, supposed to call him up and tell him I’m carrying his child because he doesn't properly know how to operate a condom?

“I don't know, yeah? It doesn't mean you two need to get married, but if you choose to keep this baby, that’s going to be a conversation you’re going to have to have” Wanda is so annoying sometimes. She was such a sharp thinking human- always grounded and level headed. She claimed it was from always having to be the “good twin” growing up.

Of course she was rationalizing this whole thing while you we’re floundering about it like a fish.

“I think I should make a doctors appointment” You just mutter. You’d rather focus your attention there. It was easier, cleaner for you. A goal you could actually accomplish.

And so that’s what you did.

//////

They were able to get you in at the end of the week, which in overpopulated New York City was a godsend. And still, it felt like far too long. Like the reality of it couldn't sink in until you talked to a medical professional so you we’re left in some kind of fucked up long until then.

You tried to keep your anxious mind busy, throwing yourself into work. Talking to people over the static airways of the radio about their lives; about the world and all of its workings was so much easier than talking to anyone about what was going on with you.

The only person who knew was Wanda and you’d canceled all of your other plans during the week, not able to face anyone. Not yet.

Lots of sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling. Thinking until your brain physically hurt.

And then you’d turned to you journal- maybe if you wrote everything down it would make sense. If you could see it all, inked out, you could make a decision.

Did you want this child?

Wanda had suggested making a pro’s and con’s list and while it sounded crazy and unhelpful, and you rolled your eyes at it ‘As though that will help’, you ended up doing it anyways.

You start with Cons, naturally. Always had been too damn negative.

Cons:

-I have no fucking idea how to be a mom

-Bucky???

-My job. My career. Who’s going to watch the baby while I work?

-How in the fuck am I going to financially support a baby.

-No room in the apartment/My room is fucking tiny and where will we put a baby

(Wanda said we can turn half of the living room into a playroom/makeshift nursery. How fucked up though? Not even a real nursery)

-No car? A baby on the subway? No thank you.

-Weird to explain to people even if Bucky wants to co-parent. All our friends??

-PAIN

-Pregnancy looks so painful. Birth looks scary. My poor vagine.

-Life is basically over

-The baby will not have a grandmother from your side...

You could keep going on, but you decide to stop there. You could go on, make the list pages and pages long but you decide against it.

Pros:

-I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Always dreamed of babies and motherhood, baby fever crashes over me in waves.

-Me and Bucky’s baby is going to be cute AF(and that just pure facts)

-I have a great support system- amazing friends and family who I know will help

-Bucky could want to be involved. He probably will...maybe?

-He has a big family, i think. The baby would have lots of family

-I don't want to have an abortion. All about pro-choice, but I just...don't know if I can.

That had made you bite the end of your pen.

Adoption?

Could you give a child that you went through nine months of pregnancy up for adoption? Knowing yourself- probably not. You cant even get rid of the moth hole ridden clothes at the back of your closet. Not comparing a baby to a jean jacket- fuck, see how unequipped you were for this?

-I’d be a good mom(I think)

-I could swing it financially. Maybe get a second job

-At least I have a good insurance plan now

-My life might have more of a purpose?

You hide the lists away in one of your many journals. Stick it in the wicker basket under your night stand- and revisit it too many times in those days between.

You make a lot of other lists in that time, too. 

//////

One of them sits tucked in your purse as you make your way to the eighth floor- Arms folded across your chest and the inside of your bottom lip speared between your teeth as the elevator takes you up.

Wanda stands beside you, of course. Sipping on her iced americano. You’d tried to tell her that she didn't need to come, that you were perfectly okay with going on your own. You’d gotten about two words out before she shut you down-

“I already took the afternoon off, don't be ridiculous”

You both know you wouldn't admit it, stubborn as you we’re, but you’d let out a big sigh of relief. You really didn't want to do this alone.

The waiting room is standard for this building, looks similar to the one that you sit in when you see your GP- save for a sign hanging about the door that labels it the OB-GYN.

Fake plants and those standard waiting room chairs that had that weird diagonal print on them TV’s that we’re playing the local news and tables stacked with months dated magazines. There was no windows though and it made the back of your neck feel hot.

The receptionists is nice. Middle aged with mild with droning, mellow voice. She checks you in fast and efficiently and tells you that you’ve got about a 15 minute wait on your hands.

Annoying, you think even though you give her a big grin and a sweet ‘thank you’. You’d been right on time. Why in all offices of all kinds is there always a fucking wait?

Wanda has plopped down on a chair in the corner and is fingering through an issue of LIFE, her long legs crossed at the knee. you sit next to her. The office air conditioner is blasting, it had been a muggy May in the city, but you feel overheated. You let the chunky cardigan you’d donned slip down one shoulder, exposing your skin to the chilly air.

You should feel the cold but you’re over heated. Nervous as hell. Why doesnt anyone else in this office seem nervous?

You tend to people watch when you get overly anxious like you are now. Tend to take in every little detail of every little thing around you.

There’s a black couple- the woman doesn't look pregnant but they’re holding hands tightly and they keep whispering to each other. He smiles and nudges her shoulder with his. Then there’s a Latina woman who looks just about ready to pop and is reading one of the kids book to a little boy with her eyes. A white lady, with twin carriers rocks them gently as she chats with a woman who looked to be related to her, maybe. Older and graying.

You feel like a creep but you can't stop looking at them all. Staring at each of the people who are at different stages of the same  life-path you found yourself on.

Wanda clicks her tongue as her dark eyes focus on the magazine. Muttering, her accent thick, about how the lenses they used for the shoot on the page was all wrong.

Her photographers eye was snobby and elitist.

“Y/N?” The nurse calls you back, not butchering your name which is nice and look over at your best friend.

“Are you sure you don't want me to come back with you?” Wanda whispers, big gingerbread eyes searching yours and you shake your head quickly.

You had to do this, on your own. What if...what if you ended up having to do this whole thing alone? You had to be grown, had to face this solo. That’s just how you felt, even if it might not be true.

“It’s just another appointment- I can do it on my own. I’ll live” there's a reasoning lilt in your voice that she doesn't quite buy but she nods all the same. Tells you that she’ll be waiting right there for you as you muster up all your courage and train your face into a smile, following the nurse into the back offices, the door mechanically closing behind the two of you.

The OB’s office is...warmer then you’d thought it would be. Her desk has frames of all types and her walls are plastered with colorful posters, making the alabaster of the wallpaper less daunting. There was even a window in here.

You’re perched up on the exam table/ chair thingy, staring out at the tall buildings across the street, at the people moving fast below on the sidewalks. You wonder what all of them are doing? How many of the have kids?...

When there’s a soft knock at the door your attention snaps back to the present.

Doctor Helen Cho is a petite Asian woman. She has glossy dark hair that's tied up in a clip high on the  back of her head, and her voice is friendly and her expression open as introduces herself to you and reaches out to shake your hand.

“I’m Y/N, it’s nice to meet you, too” You sound so much surer and more confident then you feel. It had always been your party trick- meeting new people and being able to talk to them. Leaving trails of barley there acquaintances in your wake.

“So it says here that you think you’re pregnant, yes?” She gets right to it, and your appreciative for it.

“Yeah, I know I am.  I took four tests and they all came out positive and I...I feel really off” you try to explain it, poorly but she seems to understand.

“When you say off, do you mean like bad feeling off or?” She probes as she sits at her desk, swivels her chair to face you. Her chocolate almond eyes weren't piercing or clinical, just waiting.

“Not really bad? But I’ve just been so tired lately and I’ve had like, zero appetite. And my breasts have been so sensitive that it hurts to put on a bra” as you tell here these things you could slap your head for not assuming you were pregnant before you’d taken the tests.

Dr. Cho hums and nods as she looks over her tablet “Well from the look of these results from those blood and urine tests your nurse went ahead and gave you when you came in, I can tell you that you are definitely about nine weeks pregnant- so those symptoms are right on with where you are”

You inhale and exhale, bigly. It’s real. It’s been real, was a notion, a happening but now...it’s so freaking real.

And there's a real life changing decision to be made-

That you’d already made before you’d even walked into this office but now seemed even clearer. Crystal, in that moment of clarity.

“I want to keep it” Your confident as you say it. Your voice cracks with some kind of emotion you couldn't even begin to explain, but you’re confident. You’re sure.

Dr. Cho grins at you, and stands, congratulating you then, after she’s sure you even want a congratulations. You like her, think you might.

It’s hard to focus on her voice though because all your mind can think of is the next big obstacle, the next big step in all of this.

How were you going to tell Bucky?

Okay guys? I posted? Crazy right? lol give me some feedback! Comment and tell me what you thought of this. I absolutely love interacting with you guys, but I’m sure ya’ll know that. 

Also- the taglist for this story is still OPEN, so if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters just ask!

@peacefulwriter88 @jaamesbbarnes @jalapenobarnes @brieannakeogh @gifsbysimplysonia @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @lostinspace33 @4theluvofall @plumfondler @tatathekissypotato @siren-kitten-his @skishenanigans @geekyweed @spidey-babe-parker @lastfallenstar @rachelle-on-the-run @prettybubblesintheair @dani-si 

[honeybee-babe]

Sharing is Caring (Except When You’re Sick) Part 4

Part four of my collab Sick!Klaus and Sick!Luther fic with @hargreevesstyles!! It can also be read on her blog. :)

As Vanya zoned back into the conversation, Diego was in the middle of scolding Klaus who had accidentally spilled his soup. “Be more careful, Klaus. You burned your leg pretty badly!”

“Sorry I was fucking sneezing, Diego! It’s kind of hard not to burn yourself when you’re eating boiling hot soup and you have to sneeze every two seconds,” Klaus explained.

Diego bit, “How about you put the bowl on the table like a normal person?”

“Why are you being a dick?” Klaus shouted.

The room fell silent.

“Seriously, Diego, fucking lay off. You keep saying you’re concerned about me but all you’re doing is yelling at me and making me feel shitty!” Klaus ran his hand through his hair. “It’s making me more miserable than the incessant sneezing!”

Diego didn’t say anything.

“Whatever, I’m going upstairs,” Klaus muttered.

Vanya interjected, “No, don’t. Come on, Klaus, stay down here. Finish up your soup and then I’ll go into the living room to watch a movie with you.” Klaus didn’t say anything, he just kept staring at the ground. “I’ll let you pick and I’ll make us popcorn.”

“Fine. But only if Diego won’t be there,” Klaus snapped. “Ihh-hitschue! Fuck! Hihhh...huhh….”

“You alright, Klaus?” Allison asked as Klaus’ breath continued to hitch.

“Fucking fanta-hahhh-fantastic….oh god….hihhh….”

It was Vanya’s time to shine. Without calling attention to herself, she tried to channel the energy and the waves around her. She focused as hard as she could on using the energy to vibrate along Klaus’ septum. Klaus looked like he was on the cusp of sneezing when Vanya got an idea. She ceased her powers all together, and Klaus’ hitching breaths halted.

“Oh my god it tickles so bad,” Klaus whined. He scrubbed as hard as he could to repel the itch. Vanya controlled the waves again and sent a malicious vibration zooming around Klaus’ entire nose, and then she stopped it almost a second later. Klaus’ breath hitched wildly and he then lost the sneeze.

Vanya was amused with her powers, so much that she honestly had forgotten that she was toying with Klaus.

“I ha...a...have to sneeze so...hihhh….so fuckingbadly-hahhh….oh my,” Klaus sniffled. He took a tissue and blew his nose. Vanya tried to use her powers to push energy out of Klaus’ nose, seeing if that would help him clear his nasal cavity any better. And it did. Klaus was left a little sniffly, but he could breathe.

Now that Vanya knew she could do that, she went back to messing with Klaus’ need to sneeze.

She teased him for another few minutes or so and then she really realized what she was doing. Klaus had tears running down his cheeks, his nose was running wildly and he had a tissue poised in front of his nose--not quite touching his face, more like hovering in front--so he could catch the impending sneezes, if they ever came. When Vanya saw how miserable she looked she realized she needed to give him the satisfaction he was craving. So, she did all she could to intensify the tickle with as much power as possible.

As if on cue, Klaus’ breath hitched wildly, deeper than he normally would, resulting in an abnormally powerful sneeze from his frail body.

“Huhh’ENXtshyuu!!” His curls bounced wildly as his face snapped forward into the tissue. Vanya flinched; she hadn’t expected that out of him. None of his siblings had. They stared at him in surprise, spoons held halfway to their lips.

“Jesus, Klaus—”

“N-not done - heh! HhhrETDZshiew!” Klaus snapped forward into the tissue again with a slightly less powerful explosion. “HiehHTShiew-xnGST! Fuhh-nXGTshyuu-fuck!” As they died down in intensity, they increased in rapidity, falling one on top of the other. “Hih’eshyuu-nXGt! xxngt-ishyuu! Hh’tschiuehh!” In a last ditch effort, Klaus pinched the damp tissue around his nose. “hh’xgtsh! ihh’ngxt! Hh’nxshiuu - hih!” He paused for a moment, mouth agape and eyes squinted, before his shoulders settled down again and he released the breath in a sigh. “Sorry,” he mumbled, voice small as he rubbed at his nose with the remnants of the tissue.

“Sorry, what was that about not being sick?” Diego asked.

Klaus rolled his eyes. “You know, you could say, like, bless you, or something. You don’t need to skip straight to the bitchy comments.”

“You’re sick! That’s all I’m saying.”

“I’m leaving. For real this time. Vanya, sorry, I’m not in the mood for a movie.”

Without giving anyone else the chance to speak, Klaus stood up and strode out of the room.

“Diego, what the hell?” Allison rose her voice.

Diego said, “He’s sick!”

“Give him some fucking sympathy then!”

“Hhh-hhieshhiew!” Came from the hallway.

Vanya called, “Bless you!”

There was no response, just the sound of stomping on the stairs and then the slamming of a door.

Vanya added, “Really, Diego, you have to give him a break. This honestly seems more like allergies than it does a cold. He might not be sick, and even if he is you have to lighten up on him!”

“No, he needs to take care of himself! If I have to see him in a damn hospital bed one more time, I-“

“Diego he has a cold! And he might not even actually have one!” Allison argued.

Diego tried, “I-I...I’ve just seen him really sick. It’s always bad. H-h-he gets so weak and...and he…”

“Take your time,” Vanya said.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve seen Klaus almost dead too many times. When he’s sick it gets bad fast. I can’t see him like that it-it breaks my heart!” Diego explained. “It’s easier to show my concern through anger than it is through actual concern.”

Both Vanya and Allison felt a pang in their hearts. Diego and Klaus had remained in touch and all of the others knew it. They were the closest out of the siblings, well except for Ben who literally was almost always with Klaus.

It didn’t surprise either of them that Diego’s anger was really just poorly disguised worry.

“Still, Klaus is...fragile. He’s gone through a lot,” said Vanya.

Diego knew that and he understood it perfectly well. There was just something inside of him that became overwhelmed with concern whenever Klaus wasn’t feeling well or if he got hurt. Diego was always the one there for Klaus when he overdosed or when he was mugged or when it was the middle of winter and Klaus didn’t have a home. He had seen him with pneumonia, bronchitis, hypothermia, and several bad injuries. Diego knew that whenever Klaus caught something little it would become something nasty because he never took care of himself.

This always led to Diego becoming overprotective and being on edge for the entire time that Klaus was sick, and it only got worse as it happened more frequently. Maybe it was the fact that Diego knew nothing about this illness. He hadn’t seen Luther at all yet and he figured he might as well go and see what Klaus was up against.

“I’m going to go see how Luther’s doing. I’ll stop by Klaus’ room on the way back and see if he’ll let me talk to him,” Diego announced.

When he arrived in Luther’s room, Five was sitting on his bed chatting with the ill boy. Diego knocked as he walked in.

“How you doin’ Luther?” He asked.

Luther rasped, “Been better. What are you doing up here? Who’s watching Klaus?”

Diego chuckled softly. Luther was always trying to make sure his team was doing well. “He and I aren’t on the best terms right now. I’ll check on him later though, okay? How are you really feeling?”

“It’s so awful, Diego. I’m pretty sure my skin is melting,” Luther said. He coughed productively into his elbow.

“You should get to bed, Luther. I’ll grab the humidifier from Klaus’ room,” Five said. Before Luther could protest, Five blinked out and back in with the humidifier. He set it up quickly.

After a few minutes of talking to Luther, Diego could see the good it was doing for Luther’s cough. The dry air in his room must have been suffocating him before. Diego moved closer into the room and sat down on Luther’s desk. He wanted to be close to him but there was no way in hell he was going to let himself catch whatever it was Luther had.

Somehow for a guy as big as he was, Luther looked gaunt. His face had an alarming pallor which threw Diego off greatly. Luther’s normally stern expression was replaced with an exhausted one, as if he hadn’t slept in days. Diego guessed that he probably hadn’t been able to sleep well for the past few nights.

“Hh...Klaushandmeatissue-hhK’TschOO! Hh-k’ISHHIEW!” Luther sneezed into his blankets, then accepted a tissue from Diego.

“It’s Diego, by the way. Not Klaus,” Diego said.

Luther wiped his nose as much as he could. “Sorry, I think my fever is messing with my brain.”

“It definitely is. You should have heard him earlier,” Five laughed. “Speaking of, though, we should take your temperature again. It’s been a few hours and you’ve had some medicine in you for quite a while.

Diego picked up the thermometer and handed it to Luther so he could do his thing. After the thermometer beeped, Luther said, “100.7, that’s not bad.”

“Yeah, well it’s still not good.” Diego took the thermometer and put it in his pocket, making himself a mental note to fucking clean it this time. “When can you have more fever reducers?”

Luther shrugged.

The Hargreeves’ were not the best at understanding the concept of time--save for Five--especially when they were ill. Diego did the math in his head and told Luther his schedule of doses, but then he doubted that Luther would ever remember any of it so he wrote it down on a sticky note next to his bedside table.

“Will you check up on Klaus for me?” Luther asked. “I haven’t seen him in a few hours and...I don’t know. I don’t want him to be feeling as miserable as I do.”

Diego nodded, “You got it, big guy. Call me if you need anything, or just get the human teleportation device to grab it for you. I’ll come back in a little while and tell you how he’s doing, okay?”

After gaining confirmation from Luther, Diego walked into the hallway. Instead of turning into Klaus’ room he walked into the bathroom first. He didn’t really know how to wash a thermometer properly but he took a washcloth and soaked it in warm water and a tiny bit of soap and scrubbed down the tip of the thermometer. After a few good scrubs Diego decided it should be clean enough and he took it to Klaus’ room.

He went to open the door but it was locked.

“Klaus, can you open up?” Diego asked.

“No.”

Diego sighed, “Please, I just want to talk to you. I want to apologize, okay?”

“I don’t want to get up.”

“Manifest Ben for two seconds and have him do it?” Diego suggested.

Sure enough, Ben opened the door. Diego was about to thank him but he disappeared quickly. He looked at Klaus and frowned.

“Hey,” Diego said.

Klaus muttered, “Hi. What was it you wanted again? To bully me some more while I’m already not at my prime?”

“Why aren’t you at your prime?”

“Forget it, Diego. I didn’t mean it.” Klaus turned his head so he didn’t have to make eye contact with Diego anymore.

So, Diego forgot it. He said, “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about earlier. You were right, I shouldn’t have been so rude to you, it’s just...I get so worried about you, Klaus. You know that I’ve seen you several times on what I thought would be your deathbed. When I see you getting sick or even having the potential of getting sick...it scares the shit out of me. I’m always scared that if you get a cold it’s going to turn into pneumonia and then it’s going to kill you! You’re j-just so...so unpredictable and your body seems to hate you and it terrifies me!”

Diego didn’t even realize that he was ranting until he finished. Klaus had his crooked old smile on his face.

“It’s alright, Diego, don’t worry about it. I know you were just looking out for me.” He set his knitting needles down and pushed himself up on his elbows, patting the space beside him on the bed. Diego  reluctantly sat down, just barely perched on the edge, still tense with guilt. “I’m sorry, too. I overreacted, you know how I can get when I’m - when people take care of me.” Diego relaxed a bit and cracked a smile.

“Yeah, I know. Remember December of 2015?” Klaus actually shuddered a bit at the memory; Diego had made him to go to the hospital on Christmas Eve, and he’d ended up spending four days there, with the worst pneumonia of his life, coupled with unintentional withdrawals. And he’d been a total dickhead to Diego every time he’d come to visit, accusing him of holding him hostage and “ruining Christmas” for him.

“Ahh, jeez. Why did you have to bring that up? You know I’m -ht’shjuh! Enxgt-eh’tschiew! Sorry.”

“Bless you. Yeah, I know.” Diego was reminded of his purpose there, and he held he thermometer out for Klaus. With a sigh, Klaus put it in his mouth. He’d resigned himself to the fact that he might have a fever when the warmth he thought had come from eating the soup didn’t go away after a half hour.

When it beeped, Diego grabbed it from him before he could read it. Even despite their previous conversation, he didn’t trust Klaus to tell the truth if his temperature had risen.

“99.5.” Diego’s face fell, and he looked at Klaus with worry. “That’s a fever.”

“Well, shit.” Klaus looked towards his crossed legs, refusing to meet Diego’s gaze. “I guess you were right. Sorry for being such a little bitch.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry.” Diego took the thermometer back. He bit down on his lip as he watched Klaus shrink in on himself a bit. “Hey, Vanya and Allison are gonna watch a movie, if you still want to. I don’t think they started yet.”

“I don’t know,” Klaus’ voice was small. “I’d probably ruin the movie by sneezing every five seconds.” He rubbed at his nose harshly as if he needed to prove his point any more than he already had.

“They’re gonna watch Legally Blonde 2.” Klaus perked up a bit at that; they all knew it was his comfort movie. “Come on, let’s go get you medicated and then I’ll make some popcorn.”

“Ugh, fine!”

Before they could even start the film, Diego had to run to the store to buy more corn kernels (Klaus insisted on homemade popcorn), actually make the popcorn, and run upstairs to check on Luther. Which led to him calming down a panicky Five (“It only went up .3 degrees, he’ll be fine!”), and giving his brother another fever reducer before insisting he call it a night. If anyone asked, he definitely did not tuck Luther in.

By the time they’d popped the film in, it was 9 pm, and Diego was exhausted. He was squished between Allison and Vanya on one couch, with Klaus sprawled across the other all by himself. He also had his own bowl of popcorn, which he’d claimed was a necessity now that he was confirmed to be sick, and he might be contagious.

To no one’s surprise, Five turned down their offer to join them. Klaus wasn’t sad about it; he’d bitched about the “tonal inconsistencies” and continuity errors the whole time they’d made him watch it the last time Klaus was sick, and the whole film had lost its charm.

Within the first half hour of the film, Diego was starting to drift off. Klaus’ surprising lack of sneeziness (thank you, Vanya) only made it easier for him to fall asleep for minutes at a time. Still, he refused to go to, bed. They all knew he was only staying up to make sure Klaus went to bed at a reasonable hour. Vanya had taken to lightly touching his shoulder every few minutes, in response to which he would suddenly stir and mumble, “I’m awake!”

It wasn’t until he started snoring for the third time that Klaus finally lost his patience and manifested Ben, who yelled at Diego that he would watch over their sick brothers while he slept. Allison and Vanya giggled as Diego frantically nodded and ageed. He checked Klaus’ temperature one final time (“99.2°, let’s hope it stays that way”) before calling a night.

Not long after he left, Allison announced that she was going to bed too. And although she pulled off a convincing fake yawn, Vanya and Klaus both shot each other identical looks. They knew she was just going up to check on Luther. Vanya confirmed that suspicion after the film ended, when she went up to check on him herself, only to find Allison already quietly fussing over him. She watched as Allison pulled the blankets up to his chin, noting his new t-shirt and the clean set of sheets on his nightstand. Once again, Vanya slipped out of the room just as quietly as she’d came in.

Klaus hadn’t managed to make it upstairs to his own room before he started dozing off on the couch. He was tired anyway, and the pills made the ghosts a bit quieter. And with Ben at his side humming some silly old song, it was impossible for him to not fall asleep.

[hewwobrine]

thank y’all!! 😭 ur all so sweet n supportive what did i do to deserve any of u

as to why:

it’s a bit of a long story but my mother has always been super shitty, so. after i had a really bad period in college ( maybe around the time whovyx’s sprites came out? ) where my mental health declined so badly i considered, honestly, properly, committing suicide for the first time in my life. there’s been times i wanted to die, but never like that. i was starting to look into institutions to stay at for my own safety.

eventually my dad got involved and made the call to help bring me home, which my mother HATED. she threw a fit and told pretty much anyone who would listen that i was faking it to come home and tricking everybody. when i was home she constantly berated me every time i dared to appear happy because, and i QUOTE, “depressed people don’t laugh”

and of course my mental state, understanably, got worse staying with her and i moved in with my stepmom and my father because my mom is just abusive and miserable to be around. i separated from her completely and she was NOT happy about it so now she’s going to court to claim that i’m too mentally unstable to take care of myself and make my own decisions and i need to be in her care.

TL;DR: my mom who doesn’t believe in my mental illnesses is now turning around and saying my mental illnesses are so bad that she needs to keep custody of me even tho i’m 19

[ayy-jayy-siciliani]

AJ + Lydia || Therapy

When: Late February 2021 

Where: AJ’s therapist’s office, Downtown Santa Monica

Major Warnings: Mental Health / Mental Illness, Suggestive comments (lmao I mean come on)

Featuring: Lydia Belmonte @lydiabelmonte

It was that time of the week again in which AJ would go to therapy right after working out and then he'd head home or go swing by to bug Lydia. He didn't tell her about therapy yet, mostly because it seemed like whenever he talked about going to therapy, there was always an awkward or weird reaction and then he'd have to mention the fact that he experienced trauma. Sunny, happy-go-lucky AJ going through trauma was unheard of, so, he decided not to mention it. Except today, he was surprised when Lydia asked to meet up, and as a quick scapegoat, he said he'd swing by Lola's to check up on her. On the one hand, her apartment was right next door to the building, on the other hand, he hated lying, but figured today he'd at least tell her the truth after the fact. However, upon leaving his session...he'd have to blurt it out fast when he saw Lydia standing in the lobby. "Lydia, hey. What're you...doing here?" He asked carefully.

lydia b.

Lydia was starting to find AJ being sketchy as of lately, she tried her hardest to trust him, but she was only human and the bugging voice in her head whispering that he was cheating on her, with a troublesome past relationships and the way her parents were, Lydia found herself going to the place AJ went. As she entered and looked around the office to see AJ come out and she raised her eyebrows before turning back around to outside. she couldn’t decide what hurt more, the fact AJ didn’t feel comfortable telling her about this or the fact he lied to her.

AJ could feel his stomach drop at Lydia's expression, between that and the way she turned to head outside, he knew today was going to be a day. Instead of making a scene, he followed after her until he knew he could catch up and block her off. Once he got to that point, he sprinted, stood in front of her and said, "Just--hear me out for a sec, okay?" He breathed out. "My mental health, isn't the best like everyone perceives it to be. I got my own demons to battle and, I don't want to burden you with all that. I know I shouldn't have lied in that moment, but I was going to tell you, don't think I wasn't. If you don't believe me, here," He handed over his navy blue journal. "That's why the top drawer's locked. I'm not cheating on you."

lydia b.

Lydia should have figured that AJ would run after her, he wasn’t anything like her last boyfriend where they’d ignore each other until one of them caved in. She knew she was still getting used to this new healthy coping but sometimes like this, facing things head on always made her fight or flight kick in. “I don’t want to read your journal Anthony, the fact you lied to me—you didn’t trust me enough to know that you’re seeing a therapist,” she snapped pushing the journal back onto his chest, “you know how I feel about liars—I thought you were cheating, you know how ready I was to catch you in the act, figure out plans on to avoid getting my heart broken?” She tried to side step them, wanting to get out of the public’s eyes and perhaps not see the look he was giving her, that would make her cave in easily.

This was not going to be an easy fight knowing very damn well how Lydia's temper was and...AJ's was completely shut off for the most part. "I do trust you, but I wasn't ready to tell you yet because it's not as easy as it seems," He sighed, shaking his head. When the journal was shoved back into his chest, he could already feel his heart sinking even more. This was such a shitty feeling. "Why would I cheat on you, Lydia? After everything, why would I throw that away? I care about you, I don't want to hurt you and I was just protecting you for a little bit longer from learning about all the dark and sad shit cause--you've been so happy and that's all I want to see you, is happy. I hate that I lied, okay? I'm sorry," He called out. He knew that they were in public and even though there was no one around, last thing he wanted was this to escalate to Gossip God. "Lydia, can we, just talk it out in the car, please?"

lydia b.

“Protecting me from what? If you haven’t noticed I don’t come from a good home and I sure as hell don’t expect my life to turn into a damn fairytale over night.” Lydia looked at AJ, staring at him in silence, she didn’t want to talk things out, she wanted to run, gather her thoughts quietly to herself and curl up in her bed. But that wasn’t the case for this moment, she could feel her old self wanting to push him, rile something up inside him, make the worse of himself come out. Maybe she wasn’t ever going to get over her toxic ways, at this point she didn’t know whether to accept it or not. “No...I don’t want to talk it out in a car, you can get in the car and I’ll catch a Lyft.”

"Neither did I!" AJ fired back, feeling the frustration rise in his chest. It was the first time he didn't bounce around the talk about family nor sugar coat the situation. "I'm protecting you from the not so good parts of me and you might not understand, but I didn't come from the most happiest home either. Not til much later. It's why I'd rather talk shit out than let it fester because I'm busting my ass off to not wind up like my dad, who hurt my mom, my sisters, and me," He began to choke out and cleared his throat. "Least I can do is wait for the Lyft to get here to know you're safe. You don't have to say anything else. I get it."

lydia b.

Lydia didn’t know much about AJ or his family, other than the fact that his dad wasn’t around and they all had their own ways of coping with the loss of a father figure. She understood that, except with her mother, which was probably why she didn’t have good mother instincts or whatever the reason she was the way she was. She silently turned her gaze away from him and looked down at their feet, clenching and unclenching her hands on the sides of her body, breathing out. “where’s your car.”

AJ hoped there was a sliver of understanding with Lydia, even though their situations were different, they were both raised by single parents and their grandparents, at least that was what they had in common. It was AJ's true story after all, he just left out the part of his dad, for good reason. He had to learn to cope. "This way," AJ quietly said as he motioned towards the navy blue jeep that was a few cars down.

lydia b.

Lydia didn’t want to follow Aj, she wanted to walk past him and make her way to the nearest bar to throw back a few shots. But the fact she was trying to make things work was rather hard especially with what she was used too. She didn’t utter another word as she followed after him towards the car, crossing her arms over her chest and chewed the inside of her cheek as she walked to the passenger side door, waiting until he opened it and got inside to look straight ahead in silence.

The walk to the car was a painfully silent one. It was a walk in which AJ fought the tears that threatened to fall. He tried focusing on his footsteps and his breathing, even just the most ragged of breaths could upset the calm before the storm and cause it to rage before they even made it to the car. When they made it, he opened the car door for her and then hopped into the driver's side and took a breath. "I go to therapy every Wednesday after the gym. Lola knows, Ivy...not so much. We don't talk about what happened with our dad, but we all have our scars. Some of us physical, but mostly emotional. I get nightmares every now and again. I don't know how to properly express negative emotion except by running and if I can't run, I pace my room and don't sleep."

lydia b.

she didn’t expect their conversation to end up like this, she didn’t want to pressure AJ into telling her about his dad when he wasn’t ready. Yet it appeared her anger got the best of her as she stayed silent and let him continue talking. Lydia wanted to reach over and comfort him, but she wanted to hear more, wanted to know more about AJs life, learn more about him that he doesn’t show in front of her.

It was a hard conversation that needed to be had, even though AJ wished that things weren't so tense so it'd be easier for him to open up, but here he was, staring blankly at his hands that would grip and release the steering wheel each and every time to get him to feel something and keep him centered. "I protected my mom and my sisters, a lot from him. I'd cause distractions to buy Ivy time to get Lola and hide. I'd jump in front of my mom so he wouldn't hit her, it's why I got the scar on my chin, actually. I tell magazines and reporters it was from a bike," He chuckled lightly and took a breath. "I don't share this side because it's a side that I need to learn to cope with first, above all else. I get scared to get angry because I've seen that man angry and...I don't want that for myself, for the people I care about. I don't want to be a monster. That's why I come here, every Wednesday. Learn healthy coping mechanisms, talk about life."

lydia b.

AJ opening a whole new can of worms and confession had her looking at him, her dark eyes widen at the news, the fact him and his sisters had to deal with along with his mom. It was no wonder he didn’t get upset when she tried to push him to get upset, she started to feel guilty for how she continued pushing him out of the comfort zone he was in while as she knew he was trying and she needed to try as well. Lydia knew therapy was good for some people, she just wasn’t one of those people due to being put in therapy at eight years old due to her parents decision. “Anything else?” She asked softly, her eyes looking at the side of his face before looking back outside.

"That's um...pretty much it," AJ responded just as softly. It was for the first time, in a very long time, he had felt vulnerable. None of his past exes knew about the darker side of his family life, none of his friends knew. It was always something kept within the family, aside his therapist. So now, he could feel the anxiety surge through him. He couldn't even turn to look at Lydia, afraid of how she might react. All he could do was focus on his breathing at the present moment and now the rushing thoughts in his mind, or the guilt that continued to eat at him.

lydia b.

Lydia nodded her head quietly, the silence in the car deafening, mostly her just processing the man she assumed she knew just came out of the shell he tried to perfect into seeming unhurt by anything. Lydia was starting to realize that she didn’t deserve AJ, he deserved someone who would love him and be that shiny person with a good heart, which she didn’t have or at least she believed she didn’t. “I think we should break up,” she said, maybe it was cruel for her to utter those words in a moment like this but she wanted to see something, be a bully but other than that, she would come clean and pull him into a hug.

AJ hated the silence in the car but he had nothing else to say from there on out. Mostly because it was him trying to gather his thoughts together, trying to keep from suffocating in his own mind. It was hard, opening up to someone like Lydia, who was already hurt by the world, but remained tall and managed to work her way through it the best way she knew how. That was what he admired about her, after all. Except...when he heard the words that came out of her mouth next, it was like a punch to the gut. He felt the tears coming on, but still kept a blank face and didn't turn to her when he said, "If...you think that's what's best for you, I wont stop you," He breathed out, trying to steady his voice as best as he could.

lydia b.

Lydia wasn’t sure what to expect, but his words, she wasn’t expecting one bit. She thought he would at least try and convince her not too, not agreeing willingly. “Just like that...you won’t even fight for us?” Lydia turned to face him fully, her heart squeezing at the fact he probably was hurting and yet here she was adding salt to the wound.

AJ's mind was wracking through the countless hours of therapy now of how to properly react when someone hurts you as he tried to even out his breathing. Even one wrong breath and he'd be a mess of tears and humiliate himself even further. "You wanted to know everything and you're...dumping me. I don't know what else you want me to say. I can't really...force you to stay, you know?"

lydia b.

Lydia stared at AJ, gaping at the fact he so easily waved his white flag, it annoyed her but another part of her enjoyed that side of him. Lydia reached forward and grabbed his chin, pulling his face to hers, staring him in his eyes, “you’re an idiot, you really think I would end things because of a sad past? I’m sorry that your father did that to your family, sorry that you had to lie to me about seeing a therapist—theres nothing wrong with that, it’s actually healthy, and most of all....I love you.”

AJ was caught off guard when Lydia pulled his face to look her in the eyes. "That's not funny or okay to do, Lydia--" He began to scold Lydia for the cruel joke but paused and took a breath to hear her out. At Lydia's apology and love confession he blinked at her for a second. Now he really thought he was being punk'd. "Lydia, seriously--that's not something to play with. I mean, I appreciate the apology but...don't just say that because I'm down."

lydia b.

Lydia wondered if it was the good time to utter those three words out, the same three words she vowed to not say ever again, that she used all the love she had to one guy and he broke it. The words alone felt different and the fact she was okay with saying it to AJ. “You should know I never even tell my friends I love them, this isn’t some spur of the moment because I’m always worried about being cheated on.”

AJ was completely in shock at Lydia's confession and let out a chuckle, it was that relief that lifted from his shoulders and slowly, the knot in his throat began to lessen and he felt like he could breathe again. "Damn, I feel pretty damn special then," He teased. "You beat me to the punch though, because I love you. And I'm not saying too as an echo, this is me saying, that I love you, and you drive me up the wall with your sadistic ass, but," He brushed a piece of hair behind her ear and caressed her cheek, "I can't imagine not having you."

lydia b.

Lydia smiled, she never would’ve guess that she would utter those words out to him in this sort of fashion. She figured she would be in a desperate moment and confesses, she realized maybe she should lay off the romantic movies for a bit. “I think you’ll survive, if you could do it before, definitely can do it after.” Her hand reaching up to squeeze his forearm, “does that mean I can’t go and screw parker one last time?” She jokingly asked.

AJ let out the loudest sigh as his hands cupped Lydia’s face carefully after her both remarks. “Lydia, you have to let me love you and not kill this moment,” He said in a more serious tone. “I know you hate romance but, at least just take in this moment, right here, right now. Cause this is it right here, there’s no going back. I know you’ve been hurt before, so you have to joke in moments like these to protect yourself, but I’m saying let me in. I’m not going to hurt you, Lydia.”

lydia b.

Lydia stared into his eyes, her heart fluttering at the serious look he held in those eyes of his. She knew it was wrong to joke around but it was what she knew best to do in situation like this. “Correction you did hurt me, should I remind you of the little secret you kept from me? How can you ask me to trust you when you do something like this?” She pointed out, she wanted nothing more than to do just that, let him in for once, now that she knew her true feelings for AJ she believed she could.

AJ took a breath and nodded, “I did, and I’m sorry for hurting you by hiding where I was going. It won’t happen again, you know unless it’s Christmas and I’m trying to hide from you to buy your present or your birthday—But it doesn’t take away from the fact that, this isn’t a joke, Lydia. I know you’re scared because you just said what you said. You can’t vocalize vulnerability and just before I make it to the door you shut me out, y’know? If this means I’m back outside of your wall, let me know, I know I have shit to work on, but I just want you to be sure, and I guess, I want to be sure too, that I’m what you want,” He admitted. “You don’t have to let down all your walls right away, but I’m just asking for you to sit in the moment.”

lydia b.

“You’re asking a lot from me AJ,” she felt the quiver in her tone, clearing her throat, “I just told you I love you and your past, but if you can’t accept the way I handle my own uncomfortable situations then maybe we need to take a breather. I’m not breaking up with you and you’re nothing like my ex but I know sometimes you feel as if I would leave you for him. I won’t, yes parker and I have a past. I can’t change that, I have a heart that I’m still repairing. It may take sometime but I will let you inside.”

“Yeah...I think we do need to take a breath—“ AJ attempted to say before his lips quivered into a smile. “Fuck I can’t do it with a straight face!” He laughed softly. “Lydia, I know you need time, okay? I just got frustrated for a sec cause I thought you were still joking, but you’re not—and you’re right. Lowkey, sometimes I think, you’ll go back because of that past yknow? But,” He looked at her with sincerity, “Take your time. I know this won’t be a cake walk. I got you.”

lydia b.

“Then quit getting mad at me because I won’t let you in right away,” Lydia slapped his shoulder and moved away from his grasp, looking out the window. “I love you but you’re a big pain in my ass sometimes, you know how ready I was to attack a bitch you we’re screwing? I could have end up in jail.”

AJ laughed, shaking his head, rubbing his shoulder when Lydia had moved away. She had a hard hit. “Didn’t like the tables turned on ya huh?” He teased. “But no I just thought you were fuckin’ with me, so that’s why I got flustered, I’m sorry baaaabe,” He called out to her for the first time as he went to pull her towards him. “I love you, but just know I can carry you before you murder anyone for staring at me,” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’ll even make it up to you. You could...” He whispered in her ear “Peg me or I could let you sit on my face?”

lydia b.

Lydia felt a shiver go down her spine at his suggestion, the little devil on her shoulder suggested to cave in, but her stubborn side wanted to pout a little longer. “Don’t be using sex against me, you know that’s my strategy,” she grumbled and turned her face away from his, sitting there with her arms over her chest. “It doesn’t help that I have to glare at these bitches for gawking at you and you giving them a smile.”

AJ chuckled at Lydia’s stubbornness. She was endearing like that. “You can’t say it didn’t rile you up a little,” He smirked, pressing kisses to her cheek and neck. “But I don’t smile at them the way I smile at you. I’m all yours, you know that.”

lydia b.

Lydia sighed and rolled her eyes, typical answer for him, she was still iffy but that was just her insecurities that one day AJ would get tired of her shit and break it off with her. She didn’t share those thoughts due to him probably saying that he loves her and only sees her type of bullshit. “Maybe I’ll flash my own pretty smile at both men and women that hit on me, giving you a taste of your own medicine.”

AJ turned Lydia to face him and he gave her a more sincere look. "Lydia," He said softly. "I will literally fuck the shit out of you if you try and make me jealous, I hope you know that," he began with a mischievous look, but then followed up with, "It's also normal to worry. You're gonna need a lot of reassurance, and that's okay. I'll show you every damn day, that I love you, even when you drive me up the wall. I'll be gentle with you...outside of the sheets."

lydia b.

her eyes widen slightly at his words, she always forgot that this part of him always comes through when tested by her. She just never expected for him to say those words, but it excited her to see if he would fall through with his promise. Her eyes twinkled with mischief and smiled, “at least I said it first and now you can stop over thinking if I do like you, I love you, until you try what you did again then I will cut you off so fast.”

AJ had to try to bite back a smirk when he noticed Lydia's eyes go wide at the sudden switch up. He liked casually reminding her at the worst times about how much of a freak he was. The only downside was they were in his jeep...in front of his sister's apartment. "I know, I know," He chuckled. "I promise, it won't happen again. I'll be honest with you. I love you."