#she would stop to think. and Robin’s goofy 🍑 would agree with her just like Beast Boy sided with Raven.

[ebonyheartnet]

Danny took a deep breath. He’d waited in the park to tell the heroes to mind their business, but they were already geared up for a fight. The blue leeched out of his eyes as he looked at the four teenagers.

“Listen, I’m on vacation after finals,” he said softly. “Kindly fuck off and let me get my goddamn coffee.”

“You reek of death magic,” Raven challenged.

“And you talk a lot of shit for a half demon,” Danny fired back.

Beast Boy growled as Raven flinched, but Danny just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever daddy issues you have are your own business, just like what I do as a civilian—on vacation—is mine, okay?” Danny turned away from them and started walking. “Your internalized prejudice doesn’t make me a threat, it makes you irritating as fuck. Just leave me alone and there will be no problems.”

Robin stepped up then and managed to say the most horrifying phrase to ever be said:

“You wouldn’t run if you had nothing to hide.”

Danny stopped, turned around, and put up a shield around the Titans. It got smaller and smaller as he took his time walking towards them, with each attack being absorbed harmlessly. When he was only a few feet away from their barely cramped bubble, he stopped.

“I don’t like you, and you haven’t fucking earned this,” Danny hissed. “Unfortunately, if someone doesn’t get this through your heads, I’ll be in charge of your annoying asses before you can grow up. Can everybody keep their mouths shut for this teachable moment or do I have to gag you?”

Beast Boy tried to say something, but a snowball hit him in the face.

“Anyone else?” Danny asked.

The rest of the Titans only glared as they stepped in front of Beast Boy.

“So first of all, you’re all a few years older than I was when I started the hero thing. It sucked.”

Danny grinned as that sunk in. It was a mean, petty thing, and he was only getting started on the trauma dumping.

“The eldritch ghosts I was fighting thought I was just an asshole keeping them out of an amusement park, and the humans I fought thought I was a non-sentient abomination trying to cull humanity. I was a child who had just died, and also the only one who could stop both sides from hurting people.” Danny’s smile got tight. “I was threatened, hunted, experimented on, and tortured by both sides for their amusement. I did my best for over 5 years, until I could destroy my own grave to make it stop.”

Raven’s face crumpled, and Danny nodded.

“So you know I’m stuck here, and that I’m going to End one day,” Danny said. “I willingly gave up my Beginning to make sure that every miserable, ungrateful fuck I’ve ever dealt with didn’t destroy a decent chunk of the known universe.”

“How did you even manage to do it?” Raven asked.

“I died codependent as fuck, and my primary driving force is being helpful, with an emphasis on protection,” Danny said bluntly. “Limiting my Infinity saved a decent chunk of the universe, so the math was mathing. It still took a year for me to work up the nerve though.”

“So you’re going to die?” Beast Boy asked tentatively.

“He’s already dead, and he sacrificed the chance to ever move on,” Raven corrected.

“It’s actually worse than that,” Danny said, transforming. “When I died, I got stuck halfway. It’s a crap shoot on whether I’m going to End as soon as my human side fails, or if I’m just going to be an immortal who ages normal—you okay there, spooky?”

Raven looked like she was about to be sick, and Danny was actually getting concerned. He didn’t think that over-exposure to ectoplasmic energy was toxic to her demonic side, but Ancients knew if there was some bullshit he’d missed. Just as he was about to drop the shield to check, she managed to speak up.

“My apologies, King Pariah, I didn’t recognize you,” she said, practically shaking.

“Ope!” Danny started slapping out the crown. “Right title, but wrong guy! Remember the hero bullshit? I kicked his ass in single combat and accidentally won the whole dimension.”

“So let me make sure I’ve got this right,” Cyborg said slowly. “We just chased an ex-hero, turned inter-dimensioal royalty, across the city because we did the magical equivalent of racial profiling?”

“Inter-dimensional god-king, and the old one scared Trigon,” Raven clarified.

“I need to question my white friends more before I agree to shit,” Cyborg muttered into his hands.

“Not gonna lie, that’s the smartest thing Tucker’s ever done,” Danny said.

Looking at the brats, Danny sighed and dropped the shield. They all seemed properly ashamed and terrified, so he just needed to hammer one last nail into the coffin.

“So, everyone gets that they need to think before they jump to conclusions, right? We’ve all internalized it?”

Everyone nodded, and Danny clapped his hands.

“Great, let’s never do this again! Just so you know, that wasn’t even me wearing kid gloves, I was using a baby blanket. It won’t happen again! You though,” Danny pointed at Robin, “You’re going to call Papa Bat and ask for more lessons on deescalation.”

“I’m not doing that,” Robin said, crossing his arms.

“You sure about that, kid?” Danny raised an eyebrow. “You just harassed me based off of a hunch, heard me say, “I’m not a problem, I’m just on vacation,” and goaded me into attacking when I was trying to leave.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m not talking to him,” Robin said through his teeth.

“Then you leave me no choice,” Danny said with as much fake sadness as he could muster. He pulled out his phone and hit speed dial.

“Phantom speaking. This is a business call, so I’ll keep it short: Please tell your grandson to stop assuming the worst without evidence, and also to stop provoking said presumed threats.” Danny casually put the shield back up as Dick lunged for him. “If I was actually what they thought I was, he and his friends would’ve been wiped from existence about 10 minutes ago.”

“Noted,” said Alfred.

“Thanks, A, you’re the best,” Danny said fondly.

The line disconnected as Robin continued to yell frantic apologies, but Danny just waved before turning invisible. He hovered over the kids to wait.

Less than 3 minutes later, Robin’s comm started blaring with a priority alert.

DP X Teen Titans

Danny ends up in jump city for no fucking reason and Raven's magic bs detector goes fucking ringing. Shoots up off the couch, scares the shit out of everyone and storms off to find out wtf just entered the city limits. Everyone is stunned and just rush to follow her.

Danny on the other hand just wants a fucking coffee. He's in a coffee shop, faced with the longest line he's ever been in and in a shit mood when some purple bitch in a swimsuit and cloak comes at him radiating angry magic.

"Nope"

And just fucking dissappears.

Everyone else in the coffeshop is caught off guard by the fact that raven, the creepy-cool hot occulist lady just chased some poor meta put of the coffee shop, but then the rest of the teen fucking titans burst though the door!

And this repeats and repeats at every coffee shop in the city over and over and it's a massive social media trend to guess where Raven's gonna storm in next.

Eventually Danny's sick of this shit and sticks around long enough for all the Teen Titans to catch up.

Danny: I just want a damn coffee, leave me alone!

Raven: yeah sure, I don't fucking know what you are but it sure isn't good!

Danny: oh my god, just respect my privacy and leave me the fuck alone!

Beast Boy, who would side with Raven 100% of the time: How do we know your not a supervillain or something?

Danny: Benefit of the doubt, just like any other goddamn citizen! And I'm a SuperHero anyways.

Beast Boy: really?

Danny: retired, but yeah.