#she won’t be winning any academy awards for this performative bullshit

[cyarsk52-20]

FACTS ALMA!! She better worry about herself!!!

I was waiting for somebody to clear her ass. You came and delivered!!! Thank you!!! her ass was frucking cleared!

Someone posted 2 days ago that it was time for leftists & libs to unite against TFG 🤯

A day late & a dollar short MFer said we need to unite now.

Now?!?

Now that it's too fucking late!

We begged & pleaded w them;

we warned about the stakes.

They sneered at us

now should have been Nov 5th

now is too late !

now there’s no Palestine and Gaza gonna be a beach resort for Trump and his friends

because yall didn’t listen to us who warned you this happened.

now black folks are going to mind their black af businesses while sipping Starbucks coffee and eating McDonalds because it’s our way of saying Fuck The movement and those who support it.😡

If there’s any doubt that I’m glad to not support free Palestine movement then I have no regrets now

The only thing that I feel so bad for is the innocent Palestine people caught in the crossfire. They have my sympathy. But not the movement who sacrificed them for “revenge votes “ against Kamala

[mdwatchestv]

Emmy Blog 2k18: Monday’s Revenge

That's right it's that very special time! Except this time that very special time falls on a MONDAY AFTERNOON when I will be at my job working hard to craft non-Emmy nominated television for you all. I feel personally attacked by this scheduling.

Speaking of me, this is my second annual Emmy blog which means I have maintained this blog for over a year now! Yes that is correct I have actually shown commitment and follow-through on a project, I would like to thank the Academy.

Last year I was wildly unprepared for how long it would take to type such a blog so I'm not going to mess around with all the loving analysis of yesteryear. Also last year I simply had no idea how tired I would be this year, because I was too tired to imagine that far into the future. So you will get your analysis up front and then nothing but pure, unadulterated nominee sass.

As always we must mention last week’s Creative Arts Emmys-  Congratulations to the casting winners Nina Gold + Robert Sterne (The Crown), Meredith Tucker, Jeanie Bacharach and Cindy Tolan (The Marvelous Mrs Maisel) and Courtney Bright + Nicole Daniels (The Assassination of Gianni Versace). See these casting names, know them, learn them, love them. Also it's bullshit Megan was not given an Emmy For Megan #justiceformegan

 Last year I commented on how the Emmy's were beginning to reflect the increasing diversity in the television landscape. While progress on that front continues to be frustratingly slow, this year did boast a remarkable number of incredible roles for women! Not only are we seeing roles for women that extend beyond wives, mothers, and girlfriends, we are also seeing more series that STAR women! This year boasts some VERY EXCITING Best Actress categories, and I am HERE FOR IT. In contrast though most of the male categories are a total snooze fest, and the fact that AMC's The Terror wasn't nominated for ANYTHING shows that absolutely no one cracked the seal on their screeners.  With an increasingly populated television landscape, it seems like voters went to old favorites rather than branching out and discovering some new gems. On some level this is to be expected, but at that same time there is an increasing disparity between what is recognized at these kind of events, and what is airing. 

Okay on to the main event! Disclaimer: Once again these predictions are based on nothing but flights of fancy and raw gut instinct. 

Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

Sara Bareilles (“Jesus Christ Superstar Live In Concert”) Penelope Cruz (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”) Judith Light (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”) Adina Porter (“American Horror Story: Cult”) Merritt Wever (“Godless”) Letitia Wright (“Black Museum” (Black Mirror))

God, wasn't AHS: Cult like six AHS's ago? Letitia Wright should win this because she won't get any other hardware for stealing Black Panther.

Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

Jeff Daniels (“Godless”) Brandon Victor Dixon (“Jesus Christ Superstar”) John Leguizamo (“Waco”) Ricky Martin (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”) Edgar Ramirez (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”) Michael Stuhlbarg (“The Looming Tower”) Finn Wittrock (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”)

There are plenty of actors I like, like in life here but.......sorry I fell asleep. 

Lead Actor in a Limited Series or Movie:

Antonio Banderas (“Genius: Picasso”) Darren Criss (“The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story”) Benedict Cumberbatch (“Patrick Melrose”) Jeff Daniels (“The Looming Tower”) John Legend (“Jesus Christ Superstar”) Jesse Plemons (“USS Callister”)

This category is insane. What do we got, a second Jeff Daniels nomination, a Black Mirror, John Legend for acting, Harry Potter, Benedict Cumberbatch who always seems to sneak into the Emmys, and Antonio Banderas. I am trying really hard to have an opinion about this. I’m going to pick my boyfriend Darren Criss just so I can put a gif of him on this blog. 

Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie:

Laura Dern (“The Tale”) Jessica Biel (“The Sinner”) Michelle Dockery (“Godless”) Edie Falco (“The Menendez Murders”) Regina King (“Seven Seconds”) Sarah Paulson (“American Horror Story: Cult”)

Okay now here we go! Now this is a category! However the Laura Dern rule is in effect here, which is whenever Laura Dern is present in a category the choice MUST be Laura Dern.

Best Limited Series

“The Alienist” “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story” “Genius: Picasso” “Godless” “Patrick Melrose”

Can none of the above be an answer?

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Louie Anderson (“Baskets”) Alec Baldwin (“Saturday Night Live”) Tituss Burgess (“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”) Brian Tyree Henry (“Atlanta”) Tony Shalhoub (“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) Kenan Thompson (“Saturday Night Live”) Henry Winkler (“Barry”)

Are we really nominating Alec Baldwin for that Trump impersonation? What a time to be alive. Tony Shalhoub is an Emmy darling, I think if he wins another he gets a free one on his punch card. Henry Winkler was pitch perfect on Barry, Kenan Thompson has been on SNL for a million years, and Brian Tyree Henry's performance on Atlanta is deceivingly effortless. I think Shalhoub, the Academy will likely have missed voting for him, it just comes so naturally to them. 

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Zazie Beetz (“Atlanta”) Alex Borstein (“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) Aidy Bryant (“Saturday Night Live”) Betty Gilpin (“GLOW”) Leslie Jones (“Saturday Night Live”) Kate McKinnon (“Saturday Night Live”) Laurie Metcalf (“Roseanne”) Megan Mullally (“Will & Grace”)

Yes once again the ladies are LIT, tearing it UP. But no one tore it harder, and more literally, than Betty freakin Gilpin.

Lead Actor in a Comedy Series:

Donald Glover (“Atlanta”) Bill Hader (“Barry”) Anthony Anderson (“Black-ish”) William H. Macy (“Shameless”) Larry David (“Curb Your Enthusiasm”) Ted Danson (“The Good Place”)

This is a tough one, there are a lot of golden oldies here. I was surprised by how much I loved Bill Hader’s performance in Barry, but I think it was too weird and too dark to garner the votes needed. Atlanta had a lot of momentum and buzz last year,  not sure if the Academy is going to pour the same love two years in a row. I’m going to go with Ted Danson, he’s impeccable on The Good Place and he’s also Ted Danson!

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series:

Pamela Adlon (“Better Things”) Rachel Brosnahan (“The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”) Tracee Ellis Ross (“Black-ish”) Allison Janney (“Mom”) Lily Tomlin (“Grace and Frankie”) Issa Rae (“Insecure”)

Ray Bro.

Best Comedy Series

“Atlanta” (FX) “Barry” (HBO) “Black-ish” (ABC) “Curb Your Enthusiasm” (HBO) “GLOW” (Netflix) “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” (Amazon) “Silicon Valley” (HBO) “The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” (Netflix)

Unlike the Best Drama Series category, which I am going to drag through the dirt at the end of this post, there is a lot of goodness here. These shows are not only very different, but also compelling in their own ways. (Although The Good Place absolutely deserves to be here). While I fell in love with Barry this year, and think Atlanta has maintained a consistent brilliance for two seasons, I think the delightful confection that is Mrs Maisel has the awards momentum to take this category. 

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (“Game of Thrones”) Peter Dinklage (“Game of Thrones”) Joseph Fiennes (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) David Harbour (“Stranger Things”) Mandy Patinkin (“Homeland”) Matt Smith (“The Crown”)

And just like that my Betty Gilpin high has dissipated. I can't believe Homeland is still on. Do we reward David Harbour for having the perfect dad bod, or Matt Smith for being the perfect fuckboy? Decisions, decisions. If Matt Smith wins he needs to break that trophy in half and give it to Claire Foy. He can keep the globey part, but she gets the body and the stand. 

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Alexis Bledel (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) Millie Bobby Brown (“Stranger Things”) Ann Dowd (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) Lena Headey (“Game of Thrones”) Vanessa Kirby (“The Crown”) Thandie Newton (“Westworld”) Yvonne Strahovski (“The Handmaid’s Tale”)

I had to consciously uncouple from The Handmaid’s Tale this year, but that doesn’t mean those actresses stopped being brilliant in their performances. Ann Dowd is a Laura Dern in the sense that I will usually always pick her in a category, but Thandie Newton did arguably carry season 2 of Westworld almost on her own. There are a lot of good unique performances here, but I am going to say Vanessa Kirby because she crushed on The Crown (and for the last time). 

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Jason Bateman (“Ozark”) Sterling K. Brown (“This Is Us”) Ed Harris (“Westworld”) Matthew Rhys (“The Americans”) Milo Ventimiglia (“This Is Us”) Jeffrey Wright (“Westworld”)

Guys can we be really, really honest with ourselves, like look in the mirror and come face-to-face with cold hard truths honest? WERE these the best performances this year? I love all these guys, but are they really turning in their best performances on these shows? Truly? The only exception is Matthew Rhys who is in his final year of a tour-de-force role on The Americans so my money is on him. 

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Claire Foy (“The Crown”) Tatiana Maslany (“Orphan Black”) Elisabeth Moss (“The Handmaid’s Tale”) Sandra Oh (“Killing Eve”) Keri Russell (“The Americans”) Evan Rachel Wood (“Westworld”)

Now, this, THIS IS A CATEGORY. LOOK AT THESE WOMEN.  I love all of these actresses, and some of these performances are truly among the best I've ever seen on television. That is not a hyperbole, it is a true. I would be happy with almost anyone winning this slot, but I really feel like Sandra Oh is going to take it. I FEEL IT OKAY. 

Best Drama Series

“The Handmaid’s Tale” “Game of Thrones” “This Is Us” “The Crown” “The Americans” “Stranger Things” “Westworld”

KILLING EVE IS THE BEST DRAMA SERIES OF THIS YEAR AND ITS EXCLUSION IS A HORRIBLE MISTAKE!!!!! Like IS Westworld REALLY the Best Drama Series??? IS IT? Is Game of Thrones??? Yes they are highly enjoyable and I watch them both, but are they THE BEST? REALLY? Was Stranger Things season 2 THE BEST, or are we just charmed by the children? Was The Handmaid’s season 2 THE BEST, or did we just vote for it out of habit and a misguided feeling that it’s win would stave off Kavanaugh’s confirmation? The Americans should win. 

Okay I feel good now that that’s off my chest. I have a lot of thoughts of feelings, and please let me know yours! Phoebe Waller-Bridge forever!

xo Martha

[brianjaeger]

2020 Academy Award Best Picture Nominees Guide For Those Who Haven’t Actually Watched Them

The 92nd Oscars are here and it’s time yet again for all of us to lord over one year’s worth of millions of people’s passions with the certainty of a judge at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show (which ironically takes places one day later) and say aloud, “This art is and forever shall be known as better than that other art!” 

Throw the notion that expression through the medium of film can exist simply to reflect a myriad of emotions and varied experiences right into the wind. We gotta know what that BEST art is, son!

So with mere hours left before Sunday’s spectacle, you’re probably asking yourself one question. “Brian, why do you keep doing this?” No, not that one. “Brian, Tumblr? Really? Does that still exist? Why don’t you spend the slightest amount of time to find a better medium for this?” No, not that one either. “But Brian, I haven’t actually watched any of these films. What am I going to do?!” Ah, now that’s the one. But fear not. I’ve got you covered. For the 6th time, I’m here to give you a rundown of what I think all of these movies are about without actually seeing them, along with some pithy little talking points to take into your Oscar parties to sound like a goddamn genius.

Ford V Ferrari

In this epic clash of man vs. nature set in the den of Harrison Ford’s summer home in Plano, Texas, the extremely hungry aging star has just had a large pie from Ferrari’s Pizzeria, located at 3949 Legacy Drive, delivered���and now it is time for battle. On the About Us section of their website, Ferrari’s Pizzeria makes a “promise to our customers to provide the best Italian food using recipes handed down from our Italian grandmothers.” Hold on to your Italian grandmothers, kids - that promise is about to be put to the test. (Yeah, it’s real.)

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

That cameo by Mater from Cars is really what pushed this film into Oscar contention.

Christian Bale's car in Ford V Ferrari is also an unwavering method actor and remained in character as a car for the entirety of production.

Who won? I'll give you a hint, in the long run, it was not the quality of life for the American working class!

The Irishman

In this gritty thriller, Lucky the Leprechaun’s father, Frank Leprechaun, an immigrant who worked as a farrier making horseshoes in Ireland before coming to America, wishes on a shooting star for a way to make a better life for his family. He finds that chance by doing hits for the mob and we see his first job take place under a pale moon, when he shoots a diamond store clerk in the heart, blood red ballooning out onto the green grass, like crimson and clover. Later, an aging Frank Leprechaun kills union leader Jimmy Hoffa and as he dies, he divulges the secret that Hoffa’s body is buried on a plantation in Lexington to Lucky. The young boy looks back and makes a firm promise to his dying father. “They’ll never get Kentucky farm.”

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The de-aging technology used in The Irishman was so advanced that, while you can’t see it, De Niro's testicles are actually two inches higher in the first half of the movie.

The run time of the movie is 3 hours and 30 minutes which is also the average amount of time Netflix users scroll through options before deciding to just watch the same episode of The Office again.

In Ireland, this movie is known as The Man.

JoJo Rabbit

From M. Night Shyamalan comes the story of a scared young boy who claims to see Jewish people. While adults around him are trying very hard to see them too, it’s Adolf Hitler who helps the boy to overcome his fear and actually communicate with the Jews to understand them and realize that the reason that he can see them is because he can help them. And then at the end we realize that Hitler was actually a Jew himself THE WHOLE TIME!  

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

I thought it was just a bit on the nose that Taika Waititi chose to have JoJo sing her hit “Leave (Get Out)” at all the Nazis during the Allied occupation of Germany.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to cut Sam Rockwell’s hair in a bathtub.

Of all the nominated films, when it comes to winning Best Picture, this is…Nazi one! (Cough. Look around. Place your drink on the table. Slowly collect your coat, walk to the door, pause as if to turn, sigh, leave.)

Joker

It’s 1964 and Cesar Romero has established himself as a force in Hollywood. A multi-talented performer and veteran of WWII, Romero has amassed an impressive body of work playing roles as a versatile character actor, when he gets a call from his agent.

Agent: Cesar, I’ve got something that I think you’d be perfect for.

Cesar Romero: Is it a complex villain in a new Western? A dark turn as a gangster in a noir? A comedic foil in a Sinatra vehicle?

Agent: No. Better.

Cesar Romero: What is it?

Agent: Get this. An evil clown Batman nemesis…on TV!

(Silence.)

Cesar Romero: Um.

Agent: You’ll be kind of like a sidekick to Burgess Meredith! And guess what he is?

Cesar Romero: (Deep breath.) What is he?

Agent: Like a half-man, half-penguin sort of thing…I think. But he’s also evil! Oh, and you’ll also get to star alongside Julie Newmar!

Cesar Romero: Oh, well that may have legs. So, do we have a “will they, won’t they” dynamic?

Agent: Not at all! But she is evil too. And also part cat!

Cesar Romero: I do not understand any of what you are saying.

Agent: And it’s got Frank Gorshin!

Cesar Romero: And what is he? Let me guess. Like an evil frog person?

Agent: No, no! He’s The Riddler. It’s sort of the same exact deal as your character, only he doesn’t wear any makeup. Isn’t this wonderful?!

Cesar Romero: (Pause.) You have to be joking.

Agent: No, Cesar. YOU have…to be joking.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

We still have a little bit of time for Joaquin Phoenix to die and win a posthumous Oscar for this role and keep with tradition. Then in 11 more years, a woman will win Best Supporting Actress for playing the Joker role and then in another 11 years the actual Joker will direct Joe Kerr in a reboot co-starring the Impractical Jokers…and win an Oscar.

I found the end scene touching when Arthur’s wife delivers his child and asks, “Arthur, what do you want to name your son?” And he replies, “Béla.”

Todd Phillips only made this big flashy blockbuster for the studio so that they’d let him do his deeply personal, intimate art house project, The Hangover IV.

Little Women

In a fresh take on a movie that I think is about some nuns living in a cottage during, fuck, I dunno like 1845? 1912? Aught 5? but there’s like a mean one, and a smart-and-sort-of-pretty-but-not-too-pretty one, and they probably have a dog, oh and a horse, and they have fights about vying for the love of the same boy they grew up with who is now some hot stud with poofy hair and poofy shirts and a nasally British accent, oh and there’s 2-3 other sisters that really just serve to further the main sister’s plot, and there is like fucking grass everywhere and how is all that grass not staining the shit out of those long flowy dresses that they always wear on their farm – or is it a glen? can you live ON a glen? – but later the guy marries the right one and he’s a strong man but is totally cool with her writing about some bullshit about being like a female doctor pioneer or something – oh and she’s wearing a straw hat with like a ribbon that’s always flapping the fuck around behind her – I forgot also that they only have one parent, the other is definitely dead and that comes up a little too often, and my mom and two sisters have to have tissues near the goddamn couch while they watch this seemingly 14 hour fucking miniseries or movie or Hallmark marathon because even though each of them could goddamn recite the dialogue from memory they still cry every…single…time…and OH MY GOD, CAN THIS ANNE OF GREEN GABLES, SOUND OF MUSIC, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, PRIDE AND PREJUDICE OR WHATEVER THIS GIRL STUFF IS PLEASE BE OVER SO I CAN HAVE THE LIVING ROOM TV BACK TO WATCH BOY STUFF!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Not many people know this fact but on her death bed, Louisa May Alcott’s final request was that if a woman ever directed a film adaptation of Little Women they would absolutely under no circumstances be nominated for a Best Director Oscar. So, really, that’s on her.

To ants, these are very big women.

Alan Dershowitz and Prince Andrew's favorite film.

Marriage Story

Dr. Ellie Sattler has established her second career as a divorce attorney after years as a paleobotanist and now fights so that “woman inherits the earth”...or at least gets primary custody and more than half of the assets.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

The roommates of Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig have become increasingly annoyed listening to several minutes of the two repeating, “No I hope YOU are recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences with the Academy Award for Best Picture…and hang up first,” before ending their long phone calls every night.

While juggling roles in Marriage Story and JoJo Rabbit, Scarlett Johansson would often get confused resulting in one day on set when she tried to hide Robert Smigel in the attic.

Variety reports that a remake of Marriage Story is now slated for fall of 2026 with Colin Jost in the role originated by Adam Driver in a version of the story that will be produced by real life.

1917

The seventh and final installment of the 1910's saga follows the previous successful box office hits 1911: The First One, 1912: Now There's Two, 1913: Why Not Three, 1914: Get It? Years Are Sequential. That’s Really All This Joke Is, 1915: This Is The Fifth One (But Fourth Sequel), and 1916: 19 Fast 16 Furious.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Originally, the movie was supposed to have a ton of cuts between scenes but after saying, “Action,” a producer whispered to Sam Mendes that they only had budget left for one single take after hiring every single recognizable British actor still alive – so Mendes started screaming, “Run! You there, start shooting at them. Keep rolling! Keep running! Jump down that waterfall! Let’s go, people, keep up! Hide in those trees now! Oh look, more bad guys! Pew pew! Duck! Run over that way! Do not…stop…shooting!”

If this movie was called 2017, Colin Firth would have just pulled out his Samsung Galaxy Note 8 and texted, “Call off attack,” with a GIF of Admiral Ackbar saying, “It’s A Trap!” Then, mere seconds later he would have received, “lol k thx”.

1917 earned Benedict Cumberbatch a nomination for “Most Distressingly Off-putting Mustache”.

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood

Once Upon A Time In Hollywood harkens back to a time long, long, long ago in Hollywood's history when the majority of top actors were white, the majority of directors were old men and individual parts of women's bodies were oddly objectified and sexualized. We’ve come so far since then!

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Please don’t ruin the fun and let Brad Pitt know that a movie was actually being filmed around him from June to November 2018.

I didn’t think the film was particularly that great but every single person I know who lives in L.A. and is either in or adjacent to the entertainment industry corrected me that it actually is.

Oh, I’m sorry – I think you’re in the wrong place. This is the once upon a time where a man is burned alive with a blowtorch. If you’re looking for the once upon a time where a man’s eyes are drilled out of his face, well then, pal, you’re gonna want to go to Mexico.

Parasite

Oh. I’m sorry. I accidentally put a Best For'n Language Film here at the end of this list of the best ‘Murican films.

3 Things To Casually Inject Into Conversation To Prove You Saw The Movie And Sound Like An Expert:

Parasite was, by far, the best movie I read this year!

나는 기생충을 진심으로 감사 할 수 있도록 한국어를 배웠습니다.

Bong Joon-ho's Parasite might leave you asking who are the real bottom feeders in the black comedy about social structures. There's plenty of food for thought as this picture is deeper than than what it may seem like on the surface…is the word-for-word review from Rotten Tomatoes Super Reviewer Aldo G that I just read to you out loud after pulling it up on my phone here.