#she will simply continue to take psychic damage in pursuit of a spine chill while bemoaning the lack of PG13 options

[televinita]

People's Sexiest Man Alive would never steer me wrong!

Idly browsing through DVDs at the library, I saw "Thanksgiving" (apparently released last fall and which, like most movies these days, I've never heard of), whose cover gave off immediate Slasher (the series) vibes so I turned it over to read the back.

Whereupon I saw Patrick Dempsey in a sheriff's uniform and IMMEDIATELY said "sold" and put it in my checkout bag without even reading the summary. This is the level of auto-watch we're at here.

Spoilers for the ending, and also Scream 3 I guess, below the cut:

and listen, I knew it was too much to hope that I would get away with a second horror movie in which he is the kindly local law enforcement who neither dies nor kills, but also I didn't! Especially when he immediately became the reassuring and comforting presence to a teenage girl whose entire remaining family kinda sucks. Not even the godawful accent* stopped me, and believe me, that was A Trial.

[*which, I am horrified to learn while googling to confirm what to call it, is real?? "he was instructed to lose the accent in order to broaden his acting opportunities" well I'm sorry to say, whoever told him that was entirely correct. Just like he had to ditch his original nose. I have never apologized for being shallow as hell in my screen preferences.]

Other thoughts:

+ MC's love interests both kinda suck, but as far as the friend group, I'll be damned if I didn't immediately find them all distinctive and interesting within about ten minutes of knowing them. Goosebumps 2023 aside, I have watched so many exhaustingly bland teens in films and TV shows that I assumed my ability to enjoy an actor under about 25 was gone forever, but no! Look! Here they are, being Interesting! ESPECIALLY the lead...Nell Verlaque? Show me MORE, IMMEDIATELY.

[side detour #2: oh my god, she was also in Big Shots?? TUNA are you KIDDING ME this might finally drive me to the seas, the high ones specifically]

+ In other news, the violence and gore made me sick to my stomach (also like Slasher!), and after about fifteen minutes I simply could not watch most of the terrible scenes. Or at least, I didn't want to, but sometimes I didn't turn away fast enough and they got me. I will be having nightmares, thanks!!!

+ Fortunately I will simply soothe them away with the correct AU in which someone else is the killer because of reasons, and after her remaining family members are brutally butchered, Quasi-Uncle Patrick Dempsey simply steps up to offer her a home and several years' worth of trauma therapy. 🤗