#she was still afraid... but the only time you can be brave is when you’re afraid

[adelheidvonschicksal]

⋆｡°✩ DARLING, DON'T BE AFRAID

Summary: Despite living with Xavier for the past few weeks, you still haven't taken the plunge to see if all this time together make you anything more than roommates especially when he disappears again in the middle of the night. Determined, you decide to question him on where his feelings lie. You just never thought a simple kiss on the cheek was the only push needed.

Pairing: Xavier x Fem!Reader

Content Warning: Roommates AU, Vanilla Smut (A lot of it. Like 7k words of smut), Love Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Emotional Sex

Word Count: 12,000~

Note: Sequel to Do Roommates Sleep Together. This part can be read as a standalone. So not necessary to read part one but it adds more context.

AO3 Link

You make a final decisive pull of the trigger. A loud pang resonates in the air and smoke spirals off the barrel. The Wanderer disappears in a wisp of debris and dust that is quickly caught in the wind.

Xavier stands a few feet in front of you. His sword twirls with one final arc of light illuminating behind the sharpened tip before it dematerializes in his hand.  You’re oblivious to the way his eyes search and find you on instinct as you run eager fingertips on the warm barrel of your pistol. 

“Mission completed. We should report back.”

You raise your head to meet his gaze while your gloved fingers remain faithfully on your weapon. The adrenaline from a successful mission is still surging through you.

“I want to test out my guns some more.”

His eyes soften at your response, but the weight of his gaze is still heavy as he walks towards you and places his hand on your head. 

“There will be more Wanderers tomorrow,” he murmurs. His thumb gently brushes your forehead before his hand swoops back over your hair. Though your hands were still itching for another battle, your mind was weak to the calmness of his tone, like the slow tumble of waves on the shore, as he coaxes your head back to look at him more directly. “Let’s go home.”

This time you do not protest. Even if you did, what could you possibly say? 

Your aggression relaxes along with your shoulders, allowing you to give in to his request with a quick holstering of your twin guns. 

You return to headquarters and give your mission report to Jenna – pausing only to poke fun when she mentions how much Xavier’s reporting time has improved since the two of you became partners – then you start on the way home with the sun kissing at your back.

Laughter fills the air on the streets. Immediately, you feel warm inside. It was only thanks to the work you do every day that citizens could enjoy this peaceful dusk without fear of monsters scrambling to destroy the city like so many years ago. 

It’s rewarding to know you hold some small part in the safety of the city after almost dying in the catastrophe as a child. You breathed it in fully, letting joy fill your lungs as you savor the calm moment. The emotion is only highlighted by the fact that when you look to your side, you can see Xavier there, putting weight to the empty space left in the wake of your family’s death. 

Walking home together in the past was a random occurrence, happening whenever your busy schedules after missions aligned. As freshly cemented roommates, it was almost a given you’d walk home together now. Not just to the apartment complex, but to an actual shared home. 

This path you go along every day has become special in that time. It’s full of promises, the kind you could only wish for on snowy New Year's evenings as you tied red ribbons to the shrine gate and prayed for good things to happen in your life. Not a lot of those wishes came true but Xavier did. 

In that way, you were a fortunate person. 

It was only your guess if he felt the same. You want to ask him. Unlike when you’re fighting Wanderers, you’re not brave when it comes to Xavier - a part of you prefers to leave things between you unsaid. It’s safer that way as you can keep living in a beautiful world of your own illusions. 

Therefore, you’re unable to help yourself. Pinching the sleeve of his uniform, you tug on it gently to gain his attention; Xavier looks at you with glossy glazed eyes. He’s always so sluggish after missions. His steps slow and methodical, like a robot, as he barely manages to straighten his spine and raise his head.

“Chin up, Xavier. We’re almost there.”

“I’m exhausted,” he says. 

You don’t need to hear him say it to understand. You think you’ve become good at reading his body language by now. Donning a sympathetic smile, you shift your hand, aiming for a lower target, and entwine your fingers with his under the guise of leading him faster.

“My next solution is carrying you by the way.”

A smile cracks on his face, impossibly light as his gaze drifts to the hold you have on his hand. “I don’t think you could carry me.”

“You dare doubt me?” Truth be told, he was right. He was tall and muscular and much thicker under that uniform than he looked. He would probably crush you under his weight if you tried to lift him. Despite how improper it was to think, you wouldn’t mind if he wanted to place his weight on top of you in another way. You tick up the corner of your lips into a surprisingly innocent smile opposite of the images in your imagination as you flash your bicep to him. “I’m very strong.”

“I think it would make more sense if I carried you.”

“I can walk.”

“I don’t see why that matters,” he says with a yawn, and you smile.

“Are you sure you won’t drop me?”

“If it’s a choice between falling asleep and dropping you then I’ll definitely stay awake. Otherwise, you might end up carrying me after all,” he says. Xavier always manages to be unfailingly charming. Given the mystery of his past and the way he carries himself, you often question exactly what kind of upbringing he had. You almost ask but your interrogation doesn’t have the chance to plant seeds when he stops in front of you and kneels. 

You thought he was joking when he said he’d carry you home but that doesn’t stop you from wrapping your arms over his broad shoulders and letting him scoop your legs up around his solid waistline. 

His clasp on the back of your thighs makes you shiver. You feel like a touch-starved virgin that the simple strength of his hands over the thickness of your pants incited such a reaction out of you, so you bury your burning face against the back of his neck. 

“Are you alright?” he asks.

Xavier must feel your hair against his neck, and you use the fact he can’t see your face to your advantage as you nod against his nape.

“Just hungry.”

For his part, Xavier doesn’t question your sudden hunger. Instead, he asks what you’re in the mood for and starts to list the restaurants that you pass on the way to the apartment complex.

You lay your cheek against him, watching the many buildings pass you by until you point out one you don’t recognize, flashing with many signs about a grand opening.

“How about that one?” you ask.

Xavier chuckles, continuing on in his steps past the building in question. “It’s not that great.”

“How do you know?”

“I tried them out.”

You squeeze into his shoulders, pushing off of them in a childlike manner and an even more dramatic gasp. “Without me?”

“I was going to bring you something back, but they weren’t very tasty. I like your cooking a lot more.”

You know he can’t see you, but you puff out your cheeks anyway. You wrap your arms tightly around him again, willing your heart not to skip when his back tenses as your chest compresses against him.  

“Are you asking me to cook dinner for you? I’m quite exhausted after all that running around,” you tell him sarcastically. 

He accidentally makes you regret your teasing when he agrees with a compassionate offer, “I’ll cook for you today.”

Hearing the word cook from his mouth makes your stomach sour. If there’s one thing after all these months you learned, it’s that Xavier is a…creative cook to put it gently. Or rather, he has zero cooking ability if it involves electricity. You didn’t mind. The two of you make it work with you doing most of the cooking and him cleaning up after, at your own behest, because if he had his way, he’d be in the kitchen much more often. 

“On second thought, I’ll cook.”

“You still don’t trust me,” he says with a sigh. Guilt tingles through you. However, your continued survival outweighs the guilt that the memory of his puppy eyes can draw out of you. “I’ll handle the cold stuff, and I’ll leave the meat to you.”

“Deal,” you say, nuzzling your head against his neck. 

When you get home, the night pans out like it always does. The two of you take turns in the shower with dinner being cooked shortly after, and the human garbage disposal known as your roommate leaves very little work for you to do once all is said and done. 

You decide to start on the last of chores for today while Xavier washes the dishes. It’s routine to check the plants before going to bed as the many potted flowers were like your own children after you spent so many hours tending to them, finding the perfect ratio of nutrients and water to keep them thriving. 

It is also routine to hunt down the birds so lovingly named Fatso and Alarm Clock by the sleepy man of the house to give them some of the seeds and nuts you regularly brought home from the store. You told Xavier that happy birds would stop eating his strawberries when in reality you liked to spoil them. 

So, you spread out the seeds on the ground for them, leaving them there for later. 

“If you feed them, they’ll never leave.”

You can’t help the laugh that leaves you. As much as he complains about the birds, you think, if his constant curiosity about the birds’ day-to-day lives was anything to go by, that he’d miss the two fluffy creatures if they were to ever find new nesting grounds. You turn back to the balcony door with a cheeky grin. “I have experience with things that don’t leave after you feed them. You enjoyed dinner a little too much.”

It’s hard to see in the fading light but Xavier blushes and brings a shy grip to the back of his neck. “Last I checked you moved in with me.”

That silences you. There’s no denying his observation, and you fail to notice him getting closer until he reaches his hand out to help you up. You willingly reach out, hand sinking into his touch as he lifts you to your feet. 

The coolness of your palms touching slowly births a lingering warmth. The soft squeeze around your hand makes it hard to let him go but eventually you must. Otherwise, you might say things that are better kept to yourself as you walk back into the house and close the sliding door behind you. 

With a pounding heart, you retire to your room early.

This room is a little different from the master room at your old apartment. The wall color is a little different brighter and it’s smaller. Luckily, you made the space work pretty easily by migrating half your plushie collection into Xavier’s room, checking like a dutiful mother to make sure he was treating them right and placing them with love should they roll off his dresser.  Sighing, you change into slightly more comfortable clothes, choosing a random pair of soft shorts and a tank top to wear before climbing into bed. It’s ten when you finally let your eyes slip shut, and it's around eleven you feel someone touching you.

Your eyelids are surprisingly heavy; you can barely pry them open enough to see the wisp of grey-brown hair shadowing medium-blue eyes. You don’t protest as you feel his fingertips brush along your waist or when his knee digs into the mattress, sinking you towards his weight.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what he wants. You raise your arm enough to let your fingertips greet the curve of his chin in silent acceptance. Slowly, you drop your hand and squeeze his bicep. Like a good little soldier, he follows the order to fall into the bed with you. 

The most comfortable position is to slot your arm on top of his as he hugs your waist, props his leg on top of yours, and spoons your back. There’s absolutely zero space between your lower halves; and if he notices how you, with a small amount of shame, subtly shift and push yourself back on him a little more, he doesn’t say as he lolls his head against the curve of your neck while his incredibly light exhaling on your skin comforts you after a long day. 

With a flutter of your eyelids, you slowly slip back into sleep with the happiness that comes with being roommates with your crush. 

It’s times like these that make you think maybe he loves you. It’s also times like these that make you forget that despite all of the endearing things about him and despite how much you care about him, you don’t truly know a lot about him.

Xavier has always been a man with a lot of secrets. You’ve known this since you first met him asleep in the forest. It’s true that you once accepted the fact you’d never learn all his secrets but that was before whatever this abnormal relationship that the two of you found yourself in. 

Even after living together for more than two months now, you still had no idea where he would go when he would sneak off in the middle of the night. You didn’t question where he goes anymore, you found that he wouldn’t give you a straight answer to save his life. You merely stayed up until you heard the sound of the door opening or the warped echo of air being sucked into a vacuum, indicating he teleported inside. 

So, when you wake up at two in the morning, finding yourself alone and the side of the bed where he laid mere hours ago already cold, you’re not surprised.

Getting out of bed, you slip on your slippers and drag your feet to the balcony. It’s a familiar situation when you collapse into the swing chair, with nothing but the cold and the chirping of the birds to keep you company until he undoubtedly returns with his body hosting a family of fresh wounds.

It’s incredibly frustrating because you love him and seeing him hurt, without you having been there to prevent it, drives you crazy. You wonder why he won’t tell you, and your heart sinks, as quickly as a stone cast in a lake, with the idea that maybe you were the only one thinking that your relationship meant more than it did. Because even after all this time, you still aren’t close to him in the way you want. 

Clenching your fists, you shove your eyes against them. It was all so infuriating when he ran off to fight Wanderers or whoever and left you all alone to overthink and worry about him like some helpless house plant. It was enough to make you want to cry as the strange foreboding sense of losing him begins to echo inside of you, making you nauseous.                                                                                 There’s only one way to get rid of this feeling. Taking in a deep breath, you settle to give him a piece of your mind about sneaking off so much and also to bite the bullet to confess your feelings. 

It was only a matter of waiting for him to actually return home and to get your heightened nerves to stop firing in every direction in the meantime. 

By the time you heard the door to the apartment creaking open, you’d nearly fallen asleep in the wicker swing chair. You swallow down the bitter taste of fear, ignoring the tumultuous waves it makes when it hits your stomach. You’d never get anywhere if you didn’t face him. 

Carefully, you hop up from your seat and make slow strides into the apartment. It’s still dark in the house; you hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights earlier. Yet Xavier carries a lightness around him, mostly imagined by yourself, that makes him easy to spot in the darkness. 

For a moment, things seem normal as he takes a few stiff steps forward. Suddenly, he falls forward, the white of his uniform nearly a blur with how fast he collapses onto the sofa, but it is nothing compared to the speed at which you rush to his side. 

You call his name, press two fingers to his throat, and let your eyes slip closed with a desperate concentration as you search for his pulse behind the blaring red of his collar. 

It’s a gradual pace, averaging twenty beats a minute and slowly rising. For anyone else, you’d immediately rush them to the hospital. For Xavier, that number is a relief. 

You hold your hand to your pounding heart, practicing deep measured inhales to calm it. It appears he fell asleep as soon as he entered the room, with only enough awareness to kick off his shoes at the door. 

It looks like your lecture will have to be postponed for another day. 

You’re thankful for all the training you had to take to become a hunter because it takes an enormous amount of effort to throw one of his arms over your shoulders and drag him to his bedroom. You make a mental note to never let him question your ability to carry him again as you sit him on the bed and shuffle off his uniform jacket, leaving him only in his pants. 

In a tender motion, you gently cup his face and examine him. Dirt cakes his face; and when you brush it away, there’s a small cut on his cheek. It hits you again just how reckless and secretive he can be, echoing with a bitter thought that he didn’t bring you again. The only bright spot is the little cut is his only injury this time. 

Laying him on his back, you leave for only a moment to get a warm washcloth and an adhesive from the bathroom. It’s a blue band-aid with a cartoonish pink bunny on it, something a kid would love and has probably been collecting dust in the drawer longer than you’ve been alive. 

It takes all the seriousness out of your body when you return, clean his face off, and place the colorful bandage on his cheek. It’s hard to believe this narcoleptic pretty boy was the strongest member of the Hunters Association. 

“I didn’t think when we moved in together I was going to become a babysitter,” you commented with a little huff and poke of his cheek. “You’re terrible at taking care of yourself. Can’t cook. Can’t stay awake. Can’t tell someone when you’re going out. I bet you didn’t even lock the door when you came in. …What if a Wanderer floated in after you and trampled all the flowers, or did you just not want to leave any for me tomorrow?”

You know your complaints are falling on deaf ears as he cuddles up to his pillow without a care in the world. But if you didn’t complain, you’d get depressed instead. Dropping to your knees, you sit on the floor and prop your elbow on the bed to get a better look at him. 

He looks so peaceful.

There’s no tension, no crease to his expression. It’d be easy to mistake him for a normal young man if it weren’t for the strong humming of his Evol tickling at the wall of your resonance.

“I’ll let you sleep, but you’re getting it in the morning! I expect answers. Otherwise, I won’t cook breakfast for you,” you attempt to sound threatening in your words with every poke to his cheek a not-so-silent promise to follow through. “I’ll take my missions with the new recruit all the ladies at work gossip about. And the next time I get a snack shipment, I’m letting Jeremiah have first pick!”

With one last prod to his face and no reaction otherwise, you stop your demands and sit back on your legs. 

Bit by bit, you feel your energy dissolving. It’s no use. It’s all empty threats. You’ll probably not cook for a few days, eat in front of him too, at least until he gives you those puppy eyes, and you’ll fold just like origami paper. You’ll still save him the snack you know he likes even if you allow Jeremiah first pick of the rest. And you’d never be interested in the new recruit or anyone else. 

Xavier can be distant and formal. For others, his hyper-independence was evident. Taking on missions alone and avoiding group settings is just the way Xavier’s personality works. He’s reliable and gets along with everyone at a surface level and he’s known to go out of his way to help others without seeking validation for it so it never ruffled any feathers when he goes off on his own or rejects an invitation to drink with the others after work. 

They didn’t see. They didn’t see how easy it was to care about him. They appreciate him but they weren’t aware of how intensely and passionately he could feel when he unfurls that independent nature. How he always quietly adjusts his dominant foot to point your direction whenever a Wanderer appears. How his voice drops and his touch becomes the smallest bit more graceful and careful when he sees you upset. How sweetly he looks when he sleeps.

It makes your resolve crumble and your heart squeeze, something only he can do without even being awake to know it. 

“You’re lucky I like you,” you mumble to him. 

As you lean closer, you easily ignore the stirring in your gut that tells you to stop. 

The bandage is a little rough against your lips as you seize the chance to kiss him. It’s a short and small thing, much more delicate than your prodding from earlier because you want to indulge the romantic in you. You want him to somehow sense the feelings cultivated in your heart over the past few months though impossible when he’s asleep.

You don’t let it last long. Instead, the desperate urge to feel his heat against you spurs you to rest your forehead against his cheek. It’s warm and soft, and the faint scent of pine trees of the no-hunt zone fills your nose. You savor being this close to him, allowing yourself to indulge in it until the heat on your skin starts to match his, and you finally let him have peace for the night.

With no need to remain in his room, you stand and pivot towards the door, wondering how you’ll manage to grasp any form of sleep tonight. However, you don’t make it two steps before there’s a tug at your arm.

You yelp as you’re pulled towards the bed while the shock has you stumbling forward into it. The hand leaving your arm in favor of grasping around your wrist stops you from falling completely but your knees have already buckled. You’re left nearly a head under him when he finally swings his legs over the side of the bed and shifts into a full sitting position. This position is oddly familiar. When you uncertainly force your eyes up to meet his face, this vulnerable angle becomes unmistakable.  

His voice is husked and rasped from sleep, sending a chill up your spine when paired with the swirling shadows darkening his blue eyes under his hooded lids and dark lashes. That’s the look of a predator, of the association’s strongest hunter, and you face the inkling realization that you’re the prey. 

Nervously, you begin to divert your eyes. He takes a page out of your own playbook and reaches under your chin to guide your sight back to him as you fight not to whimper at the pressure of his thumb pushing down as if he wants to part your lips. It isn’t until now that you notice how close you are to his lap and how another few inches would drop you to your knees.

“Why worry about Wanderers following me home when you’re so much scarier.”

“What do you mean?” 

Memory has never been your friend. This though is the first time you’ve forgotten how to breathe when his fingers completely close around your wrist. His hold is firm, preventing you from wringing your way out of his grasp, but it doesn’t hurt.

He might as well take that grasp and use it to squeeze your heart instead when he brings your hand to his face. You’re unsure what he’s planning; the awkwardness of the situation makes your fingers straighten and twitch away as he holds your hand closer to his face. Sensing your trepidation, he closes the last of the distance instead by tilting his head into your hand with the same affection as always as he lets your fingertip brush against the silly little bunny bandage. 

The familiarity of the motion puts your heart a little more at ease but not enough to bring your breathing back to you as he mumbles, “I don’t remember giving you permission to kiss me.”

Your lips part with a silent puff while your brows push forward, highlighting the confusion in your mind onto your face. He takes advantage of the moment to nuzzle your hand. It’s a notion you can’t appreciate as his words finally sink into your mind and reform into a horrifying conclusion.

“…You were awake the whole time.”

He chuckles so easily at the dry peep that echoes from you, the rivet of that warm sound collects in your palm and makes your face scalding hot. You didn’t face a burning heat like this even when fighting one of those flame dragons. All the while, Xavier was laughing at you…

“Not the whole time.”

With your head catching up, you find enough of yourself again to actually glare at him and smack his shoulder. “That’s not the point!”

With another display of strength, he locks your other wrist, pulls you up, and then snatches you into him. Luckily, you’re able to flatten your palms against his chest to brace yourself. His heart as well as his face is unnervingly calm compared to your own organ that’s currently orchestrating its escape from your chest, battering your ribcage even harder as you unconsciously stretch your fingers over his naked skin. 

You don’t like this. This bullying, which you only describe as such because you can’t think of a word more fitting for the way he’s treating you, is too one-sided. 

“It was on the cheek,” you argue with a steeled voice. You fake the confidence to stare him back down, choosing to trade your determination to confess to him tonight in exchange for preserving your pride. “It was friendly.”

To your satisfaction, your declaration of war makes him the one to pause this time. His eyes widen and there’s a quiver in those waves of blue that he hides by glancing down and away. 

“…Is that what it was?”

You nod. “I wasn’t…going to do anything else.”

Xavier smiles, shaking his head, and there’s a new determination in his eyes that causes your teeth to clench down on the inside of your cheek as he leans closer. 

“In that case, is it okay to return the favor?”

He doesn’t give you the time to answer. He’s already closing the distance, his dark lashes already fluttering, and his lips already puckering to kiss you as you’re squeezed flushed against him, only your palms stopping your chest from colliding with his. 

“Wait!”

Hearing your disapproval, he pauses, but that cheeky grin still doesn’t dissipate. 

“What's wrong?” he asks with a sigh. You’re sure it’s not a true question. “Am I not allowed to give you a friendly kiss as well.”

The implications make your stomach twist while your thighs squeeze together pathetically with the sudden throbbing of arousal that spikes through you as you tumble further and further into this rabbit’s trap.

“I—that’s!”

“So, you were misbehaving,” he concludes from your sheepishness. “I guess that means I need to punish you instead.” He breaks his hold around one of your wrists to ghost his fingertips along your cheek and down your neck until all you can do in response is breathe out a moan, much to his surprise given by the rise of his eyebrows and the slight dust of pink on his bewildered face. “…I didn’t think you were that sensitive there.”

Your mind swims with the traitorous thought of wanting to show him where you’re more sensitive dancing in your mind before you can sweep it away. When his fingers dance along your neck again, you whimper and hold in another moan.

“Don’t hold back on my account. You know my most sensitive spot after all, as hunting partners, it only makes sense for me to know yours, right?”

You can hardly think of a response to that. It’s true. You know his biggest weaknesses and as you come to terms with the situation you run your thumb over the plump inside of your thigh hesitantly. It takes you almost an entire minute to decide on what you want to say, and you don’t notice his hold on your wrist weakening.  

“My weakness—” 

Suddenly, your arm drops back to your side.

“I’m kidding,” Xavier states; the small smile he normally wears comes back to his face as you look up at him with wide eyes. “I was only curious as to what your reaction would be.”

The tension in the air wanes and buries itself in your heart. The embarrassment clings to every cell living in you, unshakeable as you try to keep a brave face. “You’re cruel.”

“Am I? You were the one touching me, all the while promising to run off with some rookie,” he reminds you. 

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t—you’re so frustrating,” you scream at him, and this is the first time he appears to take you seriously all night.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, with less teasing and more concern. He wraps an arm around your waist. His legs slot between yours, leaving your knees to collide with the plush of the bed as he hugs you tighter and tighter until you’re nearly seated in his lap. “Don’t be mad. I only thought—” 

“Xavier?”

“Did you really mean it then?” he redirects. He snakes his other arm around your waist, this time when he holds you it feels…weak, and his pursed lips and narrowed eyes hold back a troubled emotion. “That it was in a friendly way?”

Your breath hitches at the swirl of his thumbs nervously circling the small of your waist. Nervously, he waits for an answer you long lost in the rapids of the constantly changing tides of the last few minutes. 

“If you meant it…if you truly wanted to kiss me,” he pauses, trying to find his voice. The one to tell you that you’re all he thinks about. “Then you should have woken me up.” His face holds a serene glow that completely enraptures you as he looks up at you. “I wouldn’t have rejected you,” he swore.

He loved you so much it ached. Moving in together should have been enough to prove it. He guesses not; because when he thinks you want him back, you’re so hesitant to accept. Even now, you’re unable to respond. 

This cycle has become painful, even for someone as patient as himself, the wait when you’re this close to him is agonizing. So, he decides now to be the one to end this circle the two of you found yourself in with one decisive motion. 

He tests the waters, not knowing if he’ll swim or drown, but he has confidence in his ability to read your personality and actions as he cups the back of your head and pulls you in for a kiss. 

Your mind empties immediately, your body on autopilot when it registers the warm, silky skin of his lips on yours. Closing your eyes, you willingly tumble and fall into the taste of him, chasing after it when he breaks away. 

“There. We’re even,” he says, but to you, that’s far from the truth. You’re far from even after all the heartache and sleepless nights he’s been putting you through, after all the push and pull that left you aching and wanting both in your heart and between your thighs. 

The self-satisfied smile on his face quickly fades as you grope his shoulders, digging your nails in like you’re afraid he’ll escape. Your knees press to the top of the bed as you plant yourself more onto his lap. He braces his hands on your hips to catch you as you run your hand into his hair and crane his head back, so he has to look you in the eye.

His ears pinken at your sudden brazenness, but it doesn’t reflect in his voice as he smiles at you. “Are you trying to get more?” 

“Am I being too greedy?” you ask. He chuckles at the jut of your lips and the pleading eyes before you press another demanding kiss to the corner of his lips. 

Xavier moans from his throat as he latches onto your jaw to redirect your kisses to his lips. Kissing him is nearly maddening, the twitch of his muscular thighs under your ass making your mind hazy. With one hard squeeze at your hips, he catches up to the zealousness of your kisses. 

His tongue pokes and prods at your mouth. However, he doesn’t need much permission to keep going as you open your mouth wider. His mind skips and lags at just how quickly your mouth overtakes the slick appendage. It leaves him more than a little out of breath and flustered with the rate your mouths keep parting and meeting, tongues desperately searching and licking the inside your mouths as if this is the first meal you’ve had in weeks.

You’re hungry to memorize each other despite having all the time in the world now to do just that. When the two of you finally indulged enough and earned enough satisfaction, you’re able to calm down and readjust the pace. 

“I think we’re both greedy,” he jokes about the both of you before sliding his tongue back into your mouth. This time he’s slower as he presses down on your tongue, causing your teeth to lightly graze over the top of his.

There are too many sensations going on for you to keep up. The way your breasts hug his hard chest has you feeling sensitive while the heat seeping from his tongue stroking in your mouth has your stomach bundled in tight knots that won’t know release until he’s inside of you. 

Dreams were nothing compared to this. Nights filled with nothing but inappropriate thoughts of him turn into nightmares at the slim chance of having to face them again should this go wrong. 

Impatiently, his fingers curve into the hump of your ass to anchor you and encourage you to grind on his lap, or rather grind against the hard tent brazenly making its presence known with each hurried roll of your hips.

You whine from the separation of your sexes when he begins to lift you up, but your complaints quickly die in your throat. They’re replaced by a squeal as he flips you and your back bounces on the mattress.  

Xavier climbs over you, his face flushed, breath ragged, and overall, he’s just absolutely beautiful to you. Reaching up, you cup his cheek and play with the ends of his hair, unable to recall the last time you’ve felt this high. 

“Xavier,” you whisper breathlessly as you swoop his bangs back to see more of his handsome face and save it to memory. “What are we?”

Xavier tilts his head, furrowing his brow at your question, and there’s a second where a ray of doubt breaks through the clouds of lust in his irises. “We’re…whatever you want to be.”

“I want to be with you,” you say. Those words tumble out more effortlessly than you ever thought. 

Xavier overlaps your hand with his, holding on tight as if to prove a point. “You are with me.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t,” he corrects. Then, he dazzles you as he always does, “I want you to tell me so there’s no mistake, and you can’t take it back later.”

You inwardly become embarrassed when it crosses your mind that this is the first time you’ve ever confessed to him without multiple drinks in your system. It’s too late to turn back now that you’ve crossed the Milky Way and landed on the other side. 

But why would you when you’re so close?

“I want to be with you always. Whenever and wherever you are. Whether that’s having fun together or fighting. I-I love you, and—”

“And I love you,” he answers. You’re not sure if you’re jealous or relieved that he can say those three words without hesitation.

“I don’t want anything to be between us. I don’t want any more secrets or hidden things. I’m tired of this. I just want to be real, more than partners or roommates or whatever other title that isn’t boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Okay,” Xavier agrees as easily as he agreed to be roommates with you in the first place. 

“Okay?”

“I want that too,” he agrees as he repositions himself on top of you and his lips curve into a small smirk, “girlfriend.”

You’re accustomed to the finicky organ known as your heart tightening with pain when you’re overwhelmed; this time when it skips a beat, it’s welcomed. Smiling, you gaze up at him as he releases a slow, strained breath. It’s validating to know he’s been just as nervous as you.

Everything suddenly becomes full force again when his knees move to either side of your legs while he pins your hands above your head in one tight fist. His teeth nip at your earlobe, and his free hand gropes at your breast, fingers outstretching to fully take it in his grasp. Wet kisses burn on your throat, each one firing off a rapid signal to arch your back. 

“Slow down,” you whine before cutting it off with a moan as he hits a particular delicate spot. The discovery spurs him on, like a pet with a new toy, and he bites your nape once again causing your hips to jerk. With a burning desire building in your stomach at every touch, you pitifully hug your thighs together to try to ease it. “I didn’t get a chance to absorb all that,” you tell him, mostly to get some time to catch up. It backfires wonderfully as he grips onto the bottom of your tank top.

“I have a better way to help you understand.”

The sheets shift with his movement, your lower half dipping towards him as if he holds his own gravitational field. He settles between your legs and strokes against you with one slow, languid rock. It instantly makes you throb. It’s painful how hard you clench over absolutely nothing, panties gathering the lust that’s dripping from you.  

You simultaneously hate and love him for causing this need that’s bubbling inside you. 

Large hands press your shirt further up your torso. “Arms up,” he demands softly, which you have no problem obeying, and he quickly lifts your shirt over your head.

He lowers his hands to hold at your waist, and they fall still on you as he takes in your naked skin. You’re not privy to his thoughts. The silence of the room feels defean-ing now that your needy gasps of air aren’t filling it.

He pauses, eyes taking you in as you raise your eyebrows at his hesitancy. Xavier smiles, mumbling out, “Just thinking where to start.”

Xavier smiles at you so tenderly. Everything about him is incredibly soft on first appearance. He has big blue puppy eyes, he prefers white, cozy clothes, and his voice is just as gentle as his appearance. Everything about him is soft except for his hands. 

Those are hardy and battle-honed, worn with calluses built up with every swing of the sword he’s taken since he was a child, enough of them to slay thousands of Wanderers over the years. 

They drag.

Oh, they drag so dangerously slow over your skin, dipping into the pudge of your stomach and highlighting a small circle in the warm, buzzing glow of his Evol. The rays shine gold over your flesh, shimmering brightly in the dark of the room. 

“Here,” he states before hunting down another spot on your torso. A beauty mark, like a beacon, earns the sharp eyes of a hunter. He zones in on the vulnerable location, creating a golden target. “Maybe here.”

You squirm with every mapped spot he creates. “Xavier.”

The residue of his power leaves your skin humming; you’re overly aware of each spot he highlights with his power. You like to think your senses would still be heightened regardless of this little game. After all, you’ve been wanting him to touch you forever.

Every night next to him felt like torture, being unable to touch him more than a hug when all you could feel on your back was his hard chest, his arm tight around your waist, and the outline of his cock against your ass as he sighed in your ear.

It runs through your head that he must have put more thought into touching you than you assumed as he continues to stripe lines over the top of your thighs right under your night shorts, making your breath heavy in your throat. You’re no longer sure if he’s marking you to tease you, to track what parts of your body he’s claimed for himself, or to simply make you laugh from the humming of his Evol tickling you like fuzzy static on an old tv screen. Even as he smiles at your shallow giggles, there’s no denying the aura of possession radiating from him that makes you antsy when he finally presses his finger to your sternum.

“Let’s start here,” he says followed by a soft hum as he tattoos a line straight between your breasts, leaving you highlighted in slowly fading graffiti.

“About time you decided,” you say with an playfully exaggerated roll of your eyes. He cocks his head at you with a sly smile.

“I can’t help if I want to touch all of you,” he murmurs. Any response you had ready dies when he licks the encircled zone of your shoulder then swiftly to the notch of your throat, drawing a moan out of you that you didn’t think you were capable of until you met him.

Tilting your head, you allow him more room to work as he kisses your chest. His warm tongue slips through the line he marked, his nose dragging against you as he litters your engorged skin with kisses. 

“More,” you beg. Who was he to keep you waiting any longer?

He slips a fingerpad over the tip of your nipple, gently pressing down and then rolling it. It does nothing to satiate you. Satisfaction keeps escaping your grasp, the goalpost of what’s enough moving further out of reach with every pinch and pull of your pebbling nipples. Chasing it makes you brash, and you give a hard push to the back of his head. 

Just as you want, he spoils you. He bites and nips the supple skin, drawing out soft pleas from your angelic lips. When he finally graces you with the slick, velvety lap of his tongue on your pert nipple, you mewl and arch. His lips are a little rough after being out all night, his hunger for you more palpable than ever as he gropes harder and sucks at your wet skin. 

Your aching pussy throbs with every brush of his clothed cock. Your patience drains more and more as you crave something to fill you. It isn’t until he switches sides and gently nips and suckles around your other teat that you realize he’s been fingerprinting you with his Evol, the polka dots slowly fade away each time he adjusts his hand to knead your breast.  

“You’re still being cruel,” you manage between moans. 

“I think I’m being very fair,” he reasons, recapturing your lips to silence your complaints, and it works as your mind keeps repeating when his tongue makes a temporary reservation back in the confines of your mouth. 

When he parts with you again, he cements it with a soft kiss then another. He keeps peppering them on you so fast that you almost miss the way his tongue darts over your bottom lip before his teeth bite down. 

Xavier sighs between his kisses, each one adding more pressure, turning from loving, adoration-filled into needy, heavy smooches.

“Wanted.”

Another kiss that leaves you whimpering.

“To.”

He fondles your chest again, alternating between rolling and pinching your sensitive, puffed nipple then grasping your bare tits in his hands, molding and kneading them.

“With you.”

With your thighs closing at his waist, you curve your back and meet the sloppy buck of his hips. There’s a rush of excitement leaking from you when his kisses trail back over your breasts, hitting the tiny ring of bite marks he seared on you before tracing across the targets of light decorating your belly. 

“So bad.”

Skin on fire, legs spread wide to accommodate his chest as he sinks lower to press wet kisses to your stomach, you call out to him. “Xavier, baby,” you whisper and brush his hair to get his attention. And does he give it to you when his eyes flick up to look at you from under the grey tuffs of his hair.

Your mouth goes dry at the sight. 

You bring your finger to your lips, not only to pry them open so you can speak but also because you need to bite on it. Otherwise, the surge of lust in you at the sight of his head so close to your cunt and the back of your thighs resting on his broad shoulders would cause you to cum right there. 

“My most sensitive spot…is my legs…”

It doesn’t take long for him to catch on, and he quirks his eyebrows up at you with false concern. He lowers his head to kiss your stomach again, this time noticeably closer to your mound. “Are you sure you want to tell me that in this situation? It isn’t wise for the prey to put themselves at a disadvantage.”

“I said no secrets,” you remind him, curling a finger to beckon him back up. Inwardly, you curse that he decides to bring your legs with him by keeping them propped up on his shoulders. Somehow, you manage to ignore his obvious teasing and poke at the cutesy adhesive still stuck on his face. “If you were listening, you should know you’re still in trouble for sneaking off so much without telling me.”

“It wasn’t on purpose,” he tells you, a layer of remorse riding his explanation. “I wasn’t expecting to go anywhere.”

Amused, you shake your head at how boyish he sounds as he defends himself while he pulls off that wide and pleading look to bolster his cause. Even with your amusement, you’re not willing to let him off just yet. Sternly, you tap his cheek again. 

“That’s not going to work this time.”

Pouting, Xavier holds onto your hand, stopping your playful jabs. “Please give me a chance to lighten my sentence, Miss Hunter, it was unintentional,” he negotiates with a kiss on your palm. The sincerity in his request eases your heart enough to allow him a little wiggle room, or perhaps it’s the slick trailing more between your folds. 

“You only got until morning to make a case for yourself.”

“I’ll make you forget by then.” He snatches up your ankle towards his face, a much more pleasant position than your last, as your muscles were starting to ache from having your knees pushed to your face. 

He caresses your ankle, pressing an airy kiss. The little bump of his nose against the ball of your ankle tickles, making a giggle cascade from your lips as you slide lower with the pull of your leg.  

“Silly,” he mumbles before shuffling off your shorts. Your underwear comes off with more of a fight, the stickiness soaked into it causing the dainty fabric to cling lewdly to your skin and outline to the shape of your cunt. 

You don’t often hear Xavier curse but that’s what happens along with his tongue rolling over his upper lip when he catches the image. He reaches out and his fingers twitch, threatening to curve against the spreading stain in your panties but he resists and hooks his fingers into the waistband. He takes his sweet time watching the doused material peeling from you with thin strands of cum sticking to it.

It takes him more effort than he’d like to admit to resist diving straight in. Instead, he keeps it slow, sensual, as much for his sake as yours as he skims his lips up your calf.

He does the same with your center, carefully pressing two fingers against you as he holds your leg up on his shoulder. His mouth stays on your inner thigh, but his eyes are entirely locked on his fingers and the way they effortlessly collect your cum and slip between your lips with barely a push. You can feel his breath shudder out against you before he forces it down with a bite of your thigh but that does nothing to hide the way his entire body tenses when his fingers slip from your clit all the way to your clenching hole. 

It does nothing good for your ego or your sanity to think how normally calm and collected Xavier is losing his composure just by touching you. How he’s so obviously turned on when you haven’t nearly returned as much as he’s been giving you. 

He presses his hands at the crook of your thighs, pushing your legs further apart, and quenches himself between your legs. His name leaves you in one low drawn-out sigh. Sure, you were baiting him when you told him your weakness, but you weren’t expecting him to abuse the knowledge so readily. 

He held your legs blood cuttingly tight to keep you from squirming away from his wriggling tongue, and by the moan that reverberates from his chest and the strong jerk against the mattress when your juices hit his tongue, you think he would only be satisfied if you crushed his head between your straining thighs. When he suckles your clit; when his voice, muffled, hits your pussy; when his biceps tighten around your legs as if encouraging you to do so, and when his eyes meet yours with a silent demand, you know that’s exactly what he wants.

At the plunging of his fingers in you, you break down, catch his head in a vice-like grip, and push him into you. Your heart flutters and the remaining butterflies in your stomach migrate away at the growl he lets out. Your walls happily clench around those thick fingers, your dripping hole making it easy and smooth work to pump in and out of you. You’re not sure when he decides he would rather feel your muscle tightening around his tongue instead, but you can only respond with the tilt of your head back into the sheets and the stroke of your heel on his bare back when it happens. 

The only thing better is his palm grinding down on your clit, alternating between slow rotations and rough sporadic grinding that has your toes curling and your eyes glossing with the buildup of tears.

“You’re too loud,” he comments yet he doesn’t stop, in fact, he presses down harder, making you whine. “You’re going to wake the neighbors.”

“Since when have you cared what the neighbors think?” you barely manage to whimper out. 

“I’m not worried about them. I just don’t want anyone else to hear what only I should,” he remarks, lapping up the juices spilling down your legs.

His confession is a surprise to you. You never took him to be so possessive. But if that possessiveness is what kept his tongue swirling on your swollen clit and an intense moan escaping your lips then you didn’t mind. 

However…

His fingers weren’t enough anymore. 

Choosing to surprise him, you decide to turn the tables on him. You jerk your legs, catching him off guard but not enough to tip him over. He looks at you with concern. It doesn’t stop you from trying again with extra force this time until you can weaken his grasp and force him down on his back. 

Having the world’s strongest hunter under you was only something you could dream of—first as a rival and now as a lover. The adrenaline has you tunnel-visioned as you straddle his stomach, your soaked cunt making a waterboard out of his abs, which Xavier has also picked up on if the dusky pink on his cheeks is anything to go by.

You grab his hands, gripping tight to regain his attention. Xavier looks taken back especially when your fingers interlock his and pin them back. Whether he’s shocked or curious you don’t know, and you also don’t ask to borrow his power. 

“You’ve been having too much fun,” you tell him as you check to make sure your finger is sufficiently coated with light. “For my turn, I’ll attack here and here,” you whisper, marking off his chest and drawing a line across his neck.

There’s a hint of worry finally when he sees you’re aiming for his weak spot. “If you’re trying to teach me the best spot to kill Wanderers, I already know.”

“More like the best spots to defeat a Xavier,” you remark, flattening your palm over his heart, finding your own thumping when you verify that you finally managed to raise his heart rate to the levels of a normal human.

“You’re pretty forward today.” Xavier reaches out to hold your hips and cocks his head at you with an inquisitive glance. “Are you always this easy to excite or is it because of me?” 

You feel your face heat at his question. As if he didn’t already know the answer. No one else could make you like this. Needy. Shy. Aroused. Flustered. Confused. Infatuated and in love more than you’ve ever been. 

Your eyes soften. “And if I said it was you?”

“Then, you can use me all you want,” he confesses and gently coaxes you back to sit on his hard cock. You smoothly slide your hands to his shoulders, rotating loving strokes into his fair skin before you stop to free his cock from his pants.

It springs readily into your palm, so responsive. You reward him by letting him have a little taste of you. He tries to hide the hitch of his breath as if he could hide any reaction from you right now. It’s so hard to get him to react to anything, and your brain won’t let you miss a single moment as you sit back onto his lap and grind.

His cock slides between your lips, so big that you can feel it stroking you fully, his swollen, dribbling head making you whimper whenever it bumps your clit. 

“You, you’re so—” he begins, his eyes flitting from the gentle shake of your tits to his cock glistening between your folds, but he loses his voice to a low whimper when you increase your pace. It’s not on purpose but you can’t help yourself; you’re aching for him just as much as he is for you. “Hah, please...” 

His cock is leaking onto him with each sleek thrust, a little pool of precum glistening on his belly as your hips buck. It makes your stomach twist and your insides twitch to see him so excited for you.

“Not yet,” you tell him, brushing fingers across the length of his throat. His mouth parts with a croak that plasters a crooked smile on your face.

His eyebrows knit, and he frowns as you decide to tease him a little by slowing your strokes while your nails continue to follow the thick vein protruding from his neck as he desperately holds down his whines. 

“And you call me the cruel one.”

He was gorgeous under you. Beautifully flushed and sheened with sweat. His lips were so close to quivering each time his swollen head was swallowed back under your heat. It’s strange how his pitiful expression actually excites you, leaving you wetter and funneling this cycle of him repeatedly scrunching his face before relaxing it with a moan. 

“Please,” he asks again, this time more politely, pleadingly, and downright cutely. He knows what he’s doing because you decide to take pity on him when he gazes at you. “Please let me have you?”

It takes only a second for you to reposition yourself and hover over him. There’s a split hesitation when it registers that you’re actually going to have sex with him and how large he actually is with his cock standing tall and the tip kissing at your entrance.  You press downward anyway.

The stretch is both painful and pleasurable, straining your nerves as you lower. The wince on your face is accompanied by a hiss on your lips. However, Xavier is there again to catch you.

“Let’s take our time,” he instructs.

You nod, slowly thrusting halfway onto him. Each rise and fall of your hips coating him with your cream little by little makes it a bit easier to sheath him each bounce. 

“Good girl,” he whispers soothingly. Face constricting, he bites down on his lip to hold in a weak groan. It’s not your fault that the praise made your walls flutter and tighten.

When you finally suck him in completely, your eyes roll. 

“There you go,” he continues. He slides his hand into one of yours, encouraging you to hold onto it as you slowly and pointedly follow the curve of his cock, “Just like that,” he rasps out.    As you take him in fully, your pussy reaching his lap and pushing against his balls, you find it hard to concentrate on the exact words leaving him.

You take a minute to sit with him fully sheathed inside of you, allowing your stretched core to get more accustomed to his cock and also for the high of joining with him to cool off. Otherwise, you’d lose control.

You feel so full. It’s a wonderful sensation, and the pleasure increases tenfold when you lift your hips then have him stretch you again.

Rubbing your fingertips into the back of his palm, you lift and slam back onto him again, causing a ragged groan from you both that ricochets off the walls of the room. It isn’t until now that you recognize how bad you’ve been needing this.

Needed him. 

You’re still nowhere near understanding why this need is inside of you. Anyone can give you pleasure, and he’s not the first, but nothing quite matched the warmth overtaking you when his cock pistons and rubs against your nerves as you ride him. 

The thought that Xavier was right about fate being written in the stars barely breaks through the thick fog of arousal clouding your brain. The heat spurs you to bounce harder to meet his jerking thrusts. 

He sighs under you; the pressure on his lower half increases while your eyesight blurs and your head angles back. You’ll both be each other’s undoing at this rate, he thinks, as he watches the beads of sweat accumulating in little shiny droplets on your forehead and on your bouncing chest in a light sheen.

Chasing that desire to see you undone, he pulls you to a halt, burying himself deep inside of you, before pressing his hand to your mound, brushing past the patch of damp hair to zone in on your sticky, swollen clit. 

The instant whine of his name makes him dizzy. Centuries have gone by, and he’s never heard you say his name with such wanton desperation nor seen you grind onto him, stirring his cock in you as if your sanity depended on it.  

His certainly depended on you. Always has especially in the many decades he thought he’d never see you again. That need is even clearer from how sensitive yet eager his cock is to you squeezing around it as you shudder on top of him while keeping an unbearably tight hold on his hand. Your movements come to a near stop except for the occasional rut to prolong the rush of your orgasm. 

The sight of you breaking down on top of him threatens to make his eyes roll back as he squeezes onto your legs for grounding. Your strangled gasp followed by your muscles relaxing tells him that you’re coming down.  

“I take it you’ve finished,” Xavier says with a smirk, and you only have half the mind to swat at his chest like a lazy cat. Your legs burn, your chest unable to fill with enough oxygen to catch your breath. You think you’ll skip the gym tomorrow but Xavier has other plans.

“I’m not finished,” he reminds you. 

You look down at Xavier; you’d been so busy finding your own pleasure, you didn’t realize he hadn’t cum yet. You feel a lingering guilt but he swiftly takes the situation into his own hands.

You’re still too sensitive to fight back as he slides his cock out of you with a wet pop. It takes two swift movements for him to lift you off of him and roll you onto your stomach.

Your chest feels restricted, tight to the mattress as he presses on top of you, his grey-brown hair rubbing your shoulder as he cuddles your back. It’s an affectionate notion, distracting from the pressure in your lower half as he slides off the last of his clothes and thrusts his cock back inside of you. 

You thought you were filled to the brim the first time, yet this angle was different. It felt much tighter, and the slightest shift of his hips had you muffling moans into your arms. 

“I want to hear you,” he sweetly requests, yanking on your hips to raise your ass higher and pull you further away from the muffling effects of the bed. Your fracturing mewls mix into his grunts, both sounds washing out the sloppy, wet paps of his cock pounding into you. 

His hand swoops down your bending back in one long soothing stroke before his head collapses onto you. His grunts are loud, tumbling right into your ear along with the slapping sound of his hips meeting your ass. Your legs feel like jelly, and the rest of your body becomes weightless as your mind only focuses on his cock recklessly burning its way through you.

Xavier’s breath rolls against your back along with his forehead as he buries you under his weight; his grip on your thighs tightens to an unbearable degree, leaving you to wonder if you’ll have marks in the morning. 

You don’t really care if he does when he moans your name and heat fills you, spreading with each sporadic thrust until he finally bottoms out inside you one last time and holds until he completely empties. 

Taking his time to enjoy the sensation, he waits before pulling out of you, making you whimper with the sudden void. Shakily, you collapse back into the sheets and flip onto your back with a sigh. His eyes are still half-lidded as he watches you; he chews briefly on his bottom lip, reminding you of the look in his eyes earlier. 

“Xavier,” you question but he silences you with a kiss, which you tiredly return. His fingertips slide down from your knee to your thigh, and he teases your opening, the mixture of cum making it easy for him to stroke your still spasming pussy. 

Xavier sighs against your lips before moving his kisses to the swoop of your neck. “You’re so beautiful and all mine.”

Your mouth parts with a dry moan as he slides thick fingers over your clit. It starts to ache from his touch but it’s hard to deny him, even as he tortures you with his methodic and precise rotations over the bead.

His name is on your mouth, each syllable heavy on your tongue. You leave garbled gasps in his mouth as he makes out with you while your hand draws down his chest, attempting to make a mental map of every twitching muscle and healed wound on the way down.

Your heart jumps with the twitch of his cock when you wrap your hand around it. There’s going to be no trouble getting him to rebound, you think. He’s already thickening again with the warm strokes of your hand and tracing of your fingers over the slowly beating vein lining the underside of his shaft. 

Xavier doesn’t even let you finish exciting him before he rolls back on top of you and settles his head between your breasts. Between all the cum in between your legs and his half-hard cock, it isn’t as mind-numbing to have him inside you. What is different is to feel him twitching and growing inside you with his renewed thrusts. 

You’re hiccupping by the time he pushes your legs back and starts to hit deep inside of you, leaving the corner of your eyes tearing. You’re overwhelmed with everything. The uncharacteristic amount of energy he possesses as his hips snap into you. How each powerful rock leaves tingles aftershock-ing inside you, ruining your chances to recover before he does it again. The heavy scent of sex mixed with pine overwhelms your nose. His sweaty chest blocks out any light in the room, sealing any notion that you can be distracted by anything other than him as he pushes up your knee towards your chest.

You’re quickly working up to your second orgasm; the painful cramping in your foot tells you it’ll be bigger than the last. You’re right. When you come undone again, it’s with a shrill sob. You’re too out of it to even register when he finishes until he starts kissing your neck again.

He’s still inside you, you realize once your mind finally lands back on earth. His cock is resting in the heat inside you, waiting for him to work the two of you back up again. You know that’s the goal when his thumb gently brushes over one of your nipples again. Your sore insides constrict and strain. You don’t think you could survive a third round. 

“Xavier, please, no more.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice dry and husky in your ear as he kisses under it. 

“Too much,” you tell him, pushing on his chest to make some space between the two of you.  

“I didn’t catch that,” he coos defiantly. When he notices that you’re being serious, he obediently pulls out of you. His kisses become smoother as he pecks your lips. “What’s wrong? Is it aching?”

You nod then puff your cheeks in frustration when you see the amusement on his face.

“It’s not funny!” you say, holding onto that angry, childish pout until his smile turns sympathetic. 

“You’re right,” he agrees and shifts off you. Quickly, he locates his briefs on the corner of the bed. He steps out of bed and pulls them on. To your surprise, he leaves you, alone and cold.  

“Where are you going?”

Xavier disappears without answering you and only the sound of running water gives you any sort of hint of where he might’ve gone. When he returns, it’s with a rag dangled in his hand. 

“A boyfriend should help clean his girlfriend up after times like this,” he explains and leans over you; he presses the wet cloth between your legs; the rag is incredibly soothing on your bloated skin. It’s a blessing to your sore muscles as he starts to massage and clean you. “It feels better already, doesn’t it?”

“I guess,” you answer pitifully, grumbling a bit because the look on his face still seems like he’s teasing about your neediness. 

“You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s my fault you’re a little sore.” He’s definitely taunting you, but you don’t have the energy to fight about it. “All done,” he remarks, tossing the rag to a forgotten section of the dresser. He carefully climbs back on top of you, waiting for the moment your hand finds his bicep to guide him down next to you. 

It isn’t the first time he’s been this affectionate, and it won’t be the last time. However, this time feels more special than any time you’ve slept together, and not just because you can feel the stickiness of his sex-clad skin against your naked body. Well, that’s part of the reason.

“Something on your mind?”

“Nothing. I’m really happy,” you explain. 

“If it really makes you that happy, maybe we should do it more often,” he offers, and you pinch his unwounded cheek to punish him. Jumping back, he knocks your hand away and caresses his wounded face. “I’ll need another bandage if you keep doing that,” he complains weakly. 

“You only have yourself to blame!”

Xavier sighs. “You’re always right,” he concedes, more so that he can cuddle you without fighting rather than actually agreeing with you, you fear. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“Are you really doubting your boyfriend?” he asks. Heartbeat skipped, you clamp your mouth shut as he unfolds the blankets over the two of you. 

It’s finally settling back into your mind that the two of you are a couple now. “I’m still…not used to it yet with you being that.”

“You will get used to it the longer we’re together. The same as I will.” Xavier sighs, happily so. “Although, we might run into the same problem again.”

You blink at him. “Why?”

Thoughtful, Xavier hums then explains, “First comes love then comes marriage as they say.”

He catches you off-guard once more. As always, Xavier is forever forging on ahead with little regard for convention. “Aren’t you thinking too far ahead?”

“Maybe,” he agrees but there’s no drop in his confidence as he smiles at you and draws his hand over your hairline. “But I loved you since we met.”

“Xavier, please,” you beg, finding your favorite place to hide your flustered face in the crook of his elbow. 

He can’t help but laugh at you as he curls his arm around you. “Especially that,” he confesses and places one more kiss on the top of your head before inviting you to go to sleep. 

You do, falling asleep against his chest less than thirty minutes later. For him, sleep is elusive for once as he mulls over the day’s events.

The word girlfriend on his tongue is sweet. The idea itself burns wonderfully in his chest, but it isn’t enough. He knows he still needs to wait a bit longer, take his time, your bashful response to his prodding was enough to tell him that it isn’t time yet. It’s hard not to rush when this is the closest he’s ever been to the one thing he truly wants. 

Xavier guesses he’ll still have to rely on his dreams for a little while longer. It’s okay, he tells himself, it’ll work out this time. He’ll find a place to settle with you and have a quiet life, a place where he can see stars. 

And this lifetime, when he asks you to marry him, he hopes you’ll say yes.

[msmk11]

Best Friend's Mom Part Four

MILF!Wanda Maximoff x college age!fem!reader (Billy and Tommy's best friend)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Word count: 5.5k

CW: Age gap (legal), best friends' mom, MILF!Wanda, fluff, mentions of food, angst, smut, cursing

Summary: You've finally confessed your feelings to Wanda. Will she reciprocate them? If so, what happens next? And what'll happen if she rejects you? Anything could happen.

A/n: Fourth and FINAL part is here! (I lowkey wrote most of this today so I hope it's good lol!) Anywho, I'd just like to thank y'all for loving this story as much as I have. And, if you're sad that it's over, never fear! Because of all your love and support, I've decided to do something special that you can check out here. Happy reading!

“Well, do you?”

The question hangs in the air between you and time has completely stopped. You hold your breath and your heart beats so rapidly in your chest that you’re certain Wanda can hear it. 

Your instincts tell you to run, to avoid what you fear most.

Rejection. 

But for once, you’re brave. You stay put and hold eye contact with Wanda. It’s her that breaks first. 

“My simple answer is yes.”

All of the air rushes back into your lungs and you dispel a long sigh of relief.

“But,” she adds, “I’m hesitant to say anything else because we both know that nothing about this situation is simple.”

You nod, and this time your sigh is a little more dejected. 

“Yeah, I know.”

You pull your knees up to your chest and wrap your arms around your legs, “It sucks. This whole situation is shitty. If only you weren’t my best friends’ mom, and I wasn’t in college, and we didn’t have to hide.”

The silence is thick, weighty with the words left unsaid- the words that neither of you want to vocalize. To vocalize them would be to admit to reality, and the small glimmer of hope still left would be shattered. To put it all into words would also force you to call this thing between you and Wanda what it is- a fling. A word that, right now, disgusts you to your core. A fling- the concept and word itself so casual when nothing about what’s happened between you two has been casual at all. You and Wanda had not casually fucked, casually cuddled, or casually made out. In every interaction with Wanda, there was always something deeper simmering just below the surface. There was an understanding of each other’s lives and struggles, tenderness, only found in a familiarity by association, and a deep love for each other, not even in the romantic sense, though you guess a hint of that existed as well, but in a sense of gratitude. Your shared compassion for the twins, and the undoubted affect you’d each had on them brought you two together in an indescribable way. Though you hadn’t known it yet, you and Wanda’s souls had been intertwined by destiny, forever attached by the two who brought you together in the first place. 

Therefore, to treat this connection between you two as so much less than it deserves makes you not just just angry or sad but bitter. Nothing about it is fair. You deserve more, sure, but it’s Wanda that deserves everything good. After all that she’s been through, she’s maintained a heart of gold, and your heart aches to know the pain she’s being put through yet again.

But you can’t hide forever, and Wanda finally admits what you can’t. Won’t. 

“I think,” Wanda says, hesitating, “that we have to accept that this is as good as it gets.”

It stings, Wanda’s confession, the truth smacking you square in the face. Housed within these walls is a beautiful utopia that you and Wanda have escaped to. It’s been sweet, and raw, and vulnerable, and now it’s all crumbling down. In no world would you and Wanda ever have been able to be together in the way you both wanted. There were the boys to think of, and your future, and the life Wanda had created for herself. Neither of you wanted to risk the happiness of the other for a potential shared happiness. 

“I’m afraid that if we tried to continue what we have going now, everything would fall apart, and I’d come to resent you. And I don’t want that, Detka. For me, or you, or Billy and Tommy,” Wanda adds softly, “So let’s just enjoy this while we have it, and make the most of our time left.”

Tears sting your eyes and so much pressure has built in your throat that you can’t speak. You only nod at Wanda and her gaze, somehow, softens even more. 

“Baby,” she whispers hoarsely. In seconds she’s pulled you into her arms, wrapping you so tightly in her warm embrace that you couldn’t move even if you wanted to. You nuzzle your face into her neck and try to take deep breaths, hoping that her scent will calm the raging storm in your head. She rocks the two of you back and forth slowly, and you can’t tell if it’s more for her or for you. 

“Wanda,” you call out, and your voice cracks pitifully.

“Shhh, don’t” the redhead answers, her voice similarly thick with emotion. 

You bury your hands in her shirt and grip it tightly, trying to hold on to something when everything else around you is slipping away. Despite your best efforts, you can’t stop the sob that racks your body. 

Wanda doesn’t say anything, she just presses a tender kiss to your head. And when you feel a few teardrops fall onto your hair, you don’t mention it. 

“I know it’d be hard, but what do you think about pretending, for just a little longer? I mean, we’ve been doing it this long, so what’s one more day?” she murmurs into your hair. 

You pull away a little, craning your neck up towards Wanda with wide, tear-brimmed eyes, “Yeah, yes. Please. I’d really like that.”

She smiles fondly at you, “Good. Now let’s wipe away these tears.”

She ever so gently untangles an arm from around you and thumbs away the residual wetness on your cheeks, “There we go, all better.”

Her hand traces down your cheek and cups your jaw. She pulls you in and places a tender kiss to your lips. It’s sweet and tastes a little of the salty tears you’d both just shed. Instead of the hot spark that usually shoots through your body when you kiss Wanda, an overall warmth spreads through your body from your head all the way down to your toes. It makes your stomach ache, not with sadness but rather an all consuming happiness. You’re sure that any moment you’ll burst into a kaleidoscope of butterflies. 

*****

The last day and a half of your spring break trip is bittersweet. Though you try to stay present, any time Wanda is around you can’t help but think about how each interaction with her may be your last- your last kiss, your last secret glance, or your last inside joke. To know that the end of something is coming before it ever actually happens is maddening, and you swear that you can hear a clock slowly ticking down to zero as each minute passes. Around the boys especially you don a mask of joviality even though internally you’re floundering. As you go about your day there’s a perpetual ache in your chest and a lump that never seems to leave your throat. 

Maybe it’s because you’re desperate to slow down, or maybe it’s because you’re so caught up in your head that it passes quickly, but before you know it, time has slipped through your fingers and it’s already Friday evening. It’s late, and the boys are off in their room packing their bags. Desperate to hold on to the last little bit of your trip left, you decide to leave the packing for tomorrow morning and instead lay on the couch listlessly scrolling through channels on tv. You can’t help wondering where Wanda has wandered off to, but you know that if you go looking for her, you’ll only end up in a puddle of tears. 

At some point in your scrolling you end up on an old sitcom- The Dick Van Dyke Show. You’ve never really watched it before, but something about it instantly catches your attention. The simplicity and domesticity of it all soothes you and your brain finally begins to quiet down. 

“Did you know that was my favorite show as a kid?” 

You look up at Wanda in her long gray tee shirt and leggings, hair pulled back into a low pony, “Really?”

She joins you, sitting on the arm of the couch, “Mhmm. When things would get bad back home in Sokovia, my mom and dad would always put on old sitcom tapes to distract my brother and I. I liked all the ones they showed me, but The Dick Van Dyke Show was always my favorite. Still is.”

A warm smile graces Wanda’s pretty features as she reminisces to you about her childhood and your heart feels so full that she’s chosen to share parts of herself with you. 

“I’ve actually never seen it,” you say, “but I just came across it now, and I instantly felt…”

“Calmer?”

“Mhmm.”

You both silently watch the show for a few minutes, and though you’re tempted, you don’t once glance at Wanda. It’s a true demonstration of your willpower because Wanda is so, so tempting. You desperately wish to pull her closer, to hold her, touch her, and kiss her. But if you let yourself give in, you’re not sure you’ll be able to stop. Being around Wanda is addicting and you long to taste her over and over again, to get drunk on her, even if you’re bound to waste away after. 

You’re so lost in your own head that you don’t notice Wanda slowly slipping off the arm of the couch onto the seat next to you. It’s only when she basically crawls into your lap that you look away from the tv, startled. She’s on her knees, legs tucked beneath her, and she rests her hands on your thighs. Her face is so incredibly close to yours that with even the slightest movement, your lips would touch.

Her green eyes search yours intently, “Detka, I was thinking…”

She pauses, and you can’t help but quickly peck her lips to encourage her to keep talking. The embarrassed smile that forms on her face also makes you scream internally. 

“I’d really like to take you out on a date, baby. Just one. Before everything… ends.”

You squeal quietly and jump onto her, knocking her backwards onto the couch. You pepper kisses all over her face and she grabs your hips, giggling quietly. 

“I’ll take that as a yes?”

“Oh my god Wanda, duh!”

And then more quietly and seriously you say, “I’d really, really like that.”

A hand moves from your waist to the back of your head and she guides you to her lips, kissing you sweetly. You suck gently on her bottom lip and try to ingrain into your mind the pretty little sighs she releases. When you pull away, you watch as her long eyelashes flutter open and admire the soft look in her green eyes. 

She squeezes your side playfully, “let’s go Detka, we have a date to go on.”

You sit back on your heels to give Wanda room to sit up, “where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Now go get your shoes.”

You obey her immediately, plopping down onto the hardwood and slipping on your tennis shoes. When you’re ready to go, she grabs her keys off the kitchen table and quietly ushers you out to her small black sedan. You’ve yet to ride in Wanda’s car, the boys usually driving, and it’s nice. With black leather seats and wood trimming, you feel like you’re living in luxury. The car, somehow, smells like her too, and you feel blissfully pampered and mindless strapped into the passenger seat of her car. 

She starts the car and rolls down the windows. You pull out of the driveway and speed off down the coastal highway, the radio softly playing in the background. The air is warm, but the wind is cool on your skin and you can smell the salt in the air. Your hair whips around wildly in the breeze, and you know that it’ll look a mess the rest of the night, but you can’t find it in you to care. Though you still have no idea where Wanda is taking you, by the direction you’re going you can at least guess that it’ll be somewhere in town.

While you’d be happy to go anywhere with Wanda, you’re extra thrilled when she pulls up to the local ice cream shop. Your sweet tooth aches with excitement and you quickly unbuckle your seatbelt. You go to open your door but Wanda reaches out to stop you, “Wait! I wanna get it for you.”

Heat rises to your cheeks and you’re so awestruck by how sweet and wonderful she is. She hops out of the car and comes around to your side, opening the door for you. When you climb out you give her a peck on the cheek, “what a lady you are, Wanda. I guess chivalry isn’t dead.”

The redhead wraps her arm around your waist and tucks you into her side. It’s the most public you two have ever been and the thrill secretly excites you. 

She presses a soft kiss to the top of your head, “You deserve only the best, Detka. I hope you always know that.”

She’s being too sweet to you, and it’s making you all shy, so you tuck your head further into her side to hide your face. She chuckles lightly and squeezes your waist, guiding you two over to the counter to order. 

Wanda orders two scoops of strawberry ice cream in a cup and you do the same, though with chocolate ice cream. All of the seating at the shop is outdoors, so you two find a table off to the side in a secluded corner. You cuddle up on one bench, legs tangled together and shoulders touching. The treat is sweet on your tongue and you moan softly at the taste.

“Good?” Wanda asks in between bites of her own ice cream.

You nod, “Very. Yours?”

She scoops a bit of the ice cream onto her spoon and lifts it towards you, “try?”

You eagerly accept her invitation and wrap your lips around the spoon. It’s tangier than your chocolate, but still good. You swirl it around your tongue, savoring the flavor as Wanda watches you with curious eyes.

“Mhmm, I like that too. Still prefer mine though,” you say with a small smile. 

“Well good, because you’re not getting any more of mine anyways,” the redhead answers with a wink. 

You roll your eyes teasingly and happily take another bite of your own ice cream.

“Oh, wait? Do you want to try mine?”

Before you can offer Wanda a spoonful of the chocolate, she reaches out and swipes her thumb across your lips. When she pulls away there’s a little chocolate on her skin and she slowly sucks it off, “Mhmm, tastes good, baby.”

This alone causes your brain to turn to mush and so you just stare at her, lips slightly parted and cheeks flushed. 

Wanda doesn’t attempt to hide her smirk at your dumbfounded expression, “love when you get all dazed and pretty like this, Detka.”

Your gaze drops to your ice cream and you mumble about how she’s a tease. 

She lifts your chin so that you look at her again, “You know you love it.”

“Not when we’re in public!”

Wanda hesitates for a moment, the wheels in her brain turning, before she asks, “wanna go make strawberry-chocolate ice cream in the car?”

*****

You're outside the door to the house and you and Wanda are giggling like schoolgirls as she fumbles with the keys. 

“Shhh, Wanda, be careful. We don’t want to get caught!”

“Sorry, I just can’t get my hands to work,” she answers, giggling again. 

You grab her hands and still them, looking at her gently, “here, let me do it.”

You take the keys from her and easily insert it into the lock. It clicks open softly and you motion for Wanda to go inside first, you following close behind her. Wanda stands by the door slipping off her shoes and grabs your shoulder as she nearly falls over. You grab her waist, steadying her, “careful, love.”

She smiles at you sheepishly while she casts her other shoe aside and you take a moment to admire her windblown cheeks and messy hair. You brush a strand behind her ear and her eyes flutter close at your touch.

“What the hell are you two doing?”

You and Wanda freeze, and a rock settles in your stomach. When you turn around, there stands Billy and Tommy in the living room, mixed expressions of confusion, anger, disbelief and betrayal written all over their faces. 

“Guys, it’s-” you begin, your voice shaking.

“Not what it looks like?” Billy scoffs, “because it looks like you can’t keep your hands off my mom.”

“Billy, wait,”

“Tell us what the fuck is going on right now,” Tommy interrupts. 

You barely spare Wanda a glance as you make your way into the living room. She hesitantly follows behind you. 

“Uhm me and Wan- your mom- we’ve been…” 

What are you supposed to call this thing you and Wanda have been doing?

“Seeing each other,” she finishes. 

Billy eyes you two’s disheveled appearances with disgust, “seems more like you’ve been fucking each other!”

“Billy!” Wanda says sharply.

“What, Mom? I’m gonna call it as I see it, since you two don’t seem inclined to tell the truth.”

You can already feel your lip beginning to quiver but you ignore it, “That’s not fair. Please, just listen for a second.”

“Not fair?!” Tommy protests, “What I think is unfair is that my mom and best friend have been lying to my face so that they can sneak around and fuck. I mean, god. That’s disgusting. Mom- she’s our best friend and you,” he points his finger aggressively towards you, “going after our mom? That’s really fucking shitty.”

A tear unwillingly escapes your eye, “But it wasn’t- it’s not like that. I didn’t intend for it to happen. It just did.”

“So you just fell into each other’s beds?” Billy asks, sarcasm thick in his voice. 

“That’s not what she means, Billy,” Wanda answers solemnly. 

“What she means is that it all just happened so suddenly, so organically. We were just drawn to each other, and that’s not in our control.”

“But your actions are. You could’ve resisted. Instead, you were selfish.” 

You’re entirely sympathetic to the twins’ pain and anger. This comment, however, riles you from your sorrowful stupor. 

“Selfish? You’re calling us selfish? You don’t even know what you’re talking about, Billy! Wanda and I have done nothing but think about you both the entire time. You want to know what we did yesterday? We decided to completely end things after this trip because we wanted to protect you two from our dumb decisions. Wanda and I agreed that even though we both have feelings for each other, your lives and feelings are far more important. This is one of the first really good things that’s happened to both of us in a really long time, and we gave it up for you. So you can sit here and call us stupid, or liars, or traitors, but don’t sit here and call us selfish.”

After your outburst, the room goes completely and utterly silent. Your panting hard and your hands are shaking as you watch so many emotions play out on your best friends’ faces. You glance at Wanda and the sight before you breaks your heart. At this moment, she looks so totally and utterly miserable. Silent tears are streaming down her face and her eyes dart anxiously between her two boys. Guilt pools in your stomach and you can’t help but feel that everything is your fault. Had you never been a part of their lives, nothing would be ruined and Wanda, Billy, and Tommy could’ve been a perfect, happy little family.

You sigh heavily and look at the three people you care about most, “Look, I’m sorry. I-”

“Just, stop talking,” Tommy says, interrupting you again, though this time his voice is a little less harsh.

“You, you said that you have feelings for my mom?”

“Yeah, yeah” you answer, vigorously nodding, “I care about her so much.”

Billy looks at Wanda hesitantly, “And you feel the same way?”

Although she’d just confessed her feelings yesterday, a small part of you fears that she’s changed her mind, or maybe even lied. You chew on your lip anxiously, awaiting her response with bated breath. 

Instead of answering Billy and Tommy directly, she turns and looks straight at you, “Yes. I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.”

You know your eyes are shining thick with tears and you give her a great big wobbly smile. 

Billy sighs, rubbing his face roughly, “And you make each other happy?”

Simultaneously you and Wanda answer yes. 

“Then who are we to get in your way?” Tommy replies, shaking his head.

You gasp quietly and turn towards the twins, hope bubbling up in your chest. They still don’t look totally okay, but the small, tired smiles on each of their faces tells you that they will be in time.

Wanda makes the first move, walking towards them both and cupping each of their faces, “You really mean it moya lubov? Because I stand by what I said, the happiness of you two will always be the most important thing to me.”

Any residual tension in the faces of your two friends fade under their mother’s touch.

“Yeah, mom. We mean it. We just want you to be happy.”

Tommy looks at you then and raises his eyebrows sternly, “And I swear to god, if you hurt her.”

You let out a watery chuckle, “I won’t. I promise.”

“And you,” Billy says, looking to his mom, “if you hurt her?”

Wanda turns and looks at you softly, “I could never.”

Then at the same time Billy and Tommy say, “okay.”

*****

When everything has settled, you and Wanda find yourselves alone yet again. Though there’s still so much new ground to navigate between you, Wanda, and the boys, you can’t ignore the unbridled happiness overwhelming your senses. You and Wanda look at each other with the biggest, goofiest smiles on your faces and you jump into her arms.

Reminded once again how strong she is, Wanda catches you easily and you wrap your legs around her waist. She presses a heated kiss to your lips and you encourage her, arms circling her neck. Somehow while still kissing you, she makes her way down the hall to her room. When she steps inside she kicks the door closed and carries you to the bed. Wanda throws you down on your back gently and then climbs on top of you. She kisses you a few times on the lips, and then the neck, before trailing her hands lower to the hem of your shirt. She makes eye contact with you, seemingly asking if she can take it off, and you nod aggressively. She chuckles lowly and grabs your shirt. You stick your arms out as she pulls it over your head and tosses it somewhere across the room. You shiver, and you’re not sure if it’s from the cold air, Wanda’s gaze, or her burning touch across your stomach- probably all three. 

“So beautiful, baby,” she mumbles, placing kisses at your collarbone and then slowly trailing down to the valley of your breasts.

You moan at her featherlight touches, but you still need more. Wanda seems to read your mind as she slides her hands underneath you and unclips your bra. Your nipples are hard from arousal and the cold air and Wanda moans at the sight. She surges forward and takes your left nipple into her mouth, sucking softly at the bud and letting her tongue roll casually over it. Her hand stimulates your other tit, groping and pinching it lightly. She alternates, so that both get their fair share. When she pulls away she plants a kiss on your panting lips before moving downward to the lower half of your body. She pushes your knees up, so that your feet lay flat on the bed, and your legs spread for her. You look down at her, her eyes full of lust and cleavage on display as she bends towards your pussy, and you moan. She places kisses and bites across your calves and then thighs before tugging off your shorts and then grabbing your underwear, pulling it tantalizingly slow down your legs. 

All of it’s painfully hot, and you're desperate to tell Wanda to move faster- but you know better than to rush her.

Wanda gasps as she throws your panties aside and eyes your pink, glistening folds, “such a pretty pussy, and all for me.”

You hum, “yes, only you Wanda.”

“Good,” she answers, patting your thigh. She moves back up your body and kisses you, though  one hand travels down between your thighs. Lightly, she places pressure on your clit and rubs slow, soft circles. The only way to describe the sensation is white, hot pleasure and you cry out- luckily into her mouth. As her mouth migrates down your body, so do her fingers. They dip into your outer folds and tease your hole with your gathered wetness. As she sucks on your nipple yet again, one finger slides slowly into you and you let out a loud moan, “Oh Wanda, that- that feels so good. Please.”

“You’re doing so good for me Detka”, Wanda praises, “So tight and warm.”

“Th- thank you Wanda. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” you repeat as she thrusts her finger in and out of you slowly. 

Wanda then inserts a second finger, stretching you wider. It’s a little painful, but it feels so good you don’t mind.

As you writhe in pleasure, you watch Wanda. Her long, red hair falls over her shoulder as she bends down to suck a hickey onto your neck. Her face is flushed and her green eyes are lust-blown. As Wanda’s hand continues to pound into you, you reach out and pull Wanda away from your neck. 

“Wanna touch you Wanda,” you say breathlessly. You pull her in and kiss her lips roughly again. One hand stays in her hair and tugs at her red locks while the other wanders down to grope her tits. She moans into your mouth and her fingers falter for a second at your touch. As you continue your ministrations on her clothed breasts, Wanda adds a third finger and you nearly see stars. Desperate for her own release, she begins to hump your thigh as she fingers you. Observing her pleasure nearly sends you over the edge. 

You beg Wanda to stop for just a moment so that you can slip off her shirt. You unclasp her bra and grunt at the sight of her naked tits. Wanda continues to pound into you and your legs tighten around her hand. As she humps your leg, you watch her beautiful tits bounce and the way her head is thrown back in a fit of pleasure. The image of Wanda before you sends you over the edge, finally, and your stomach muscles clench. You cry out loudly and moan Wanda’s name over and over as you finally come. Your body shakes with pleasure and you really do see stars this time. When you come down from your high, you are panting heavily. Wanda is still chasing her own, and you can tell she’s getting close. You grip her hips and stop her, “Don’t want you to cum on my thigh, Wanda.”

Suddenly, you flip her onto her back and straddle her.

“Drawer, Detka, look in my drawer,” Wanda breathes out desperately. You reach over her and open the top drawer on the left. Inside is a pink strap-on.

“You want me to use this, Wanda?” You ask seriously. 

“Please, please fuck me baby,” she answers huskily. 

You stand from the bed, Wanda groaning at the loss of your touch, as you step into the harness and tighten it against your skin so that it bumps your clit a little. When you crawl back onto the bed, you grab the hem of Wanda’s pants and yank them down. Then, you grab her lacy black underwear and pull that down too, revealing her pussy to you. You moan loudly and instantly surge forward, licking a line up her slit. She tastes so sweet, and you want to eat her out so badly, but you decide to save that for later. 

“Please, Detka. Don’t tease me,” Wanda orders. 

You nod and do as she says. You line the tip of the dildo up to her entrance and tease her folds. She moans softly and grabs your waist. Then, slowly, you slide inside her. She’s wet enough that there’s not much resistance, and when your hips meet hers you pause. 

Wanda sighs out, “So big. Feels so good, baby. So full of you.”

“Anything for you Wanda. Your pretty pussy deserves everything,” you whisper in her ear as you thrust your hips for the first time. The squeal she lets out sends you into a frenzy, and quickly you are pounding into Wanda at a rapid pace. She’s only letting out a series of moans, whines and squeals and it’s so incredibly hot. You suck on one of her nipples and play with the other till she is writhing underneath you. When you get her close, you move down a little and throw her legs over your shoulders, allowing you to lift her hips off the bed and drill into her at a deeper angle. You know you’ve found her g-spot by the way she lets out long, loud moans, and you muffle her mouth with your lips so that Billy and Tommy don’t hear. With one final thrust, Wanda’s eyes roll into the back of her head and her back arches into you, tits touching. The moans of your name light a fire in your stomach, and the added stimulation of the strap on your throbbing clit sends you over the edge a second time. You both cum together before slowly coming down from your high. You’re left panting as you collapse on top of her, the dildo still inside.

As you start to recover, Wanda slowly starts stroking your sweaty hair away from your face. You smile against her chest and place a soft kiss there. 

“That was really good, Wanda. Thank you.”

Wanda only lifts your chin and smiles at you before she locks your lips in another kiss- this time more sweet and tender. 

*****

The time you’d been dreading the entire week- saying goodbye- has finally arrived. While it once left you sick with dread, now it doesn’t seem so bad. The fact that you and Wanda aren’t saying goodbye forever certainly helps. Wanda’s in the kitchen sweeping out the sand and you and the twins are packing up their car with your bags. You were nervous this morning that they’d act weird around you now that you’re with Wanda, but they’ve been fairly normal besides the occasional dark jokes here or there. 

When the last of your stuff is loaded into the car, the three of you make your way back into the house. 

“Mom? Want us to take your bags out to your car?” Tommy asks, swiping a banana off the counter. 

She smiles sweetly at him, “yes, please. Thank you.”

You give Wanda a wink and begin to follow after the boys when she calls out, “wait, Detka. I need your help.”

Billy mockingly gags and you roll your eyes at him before trotting obediently back to Wanda. 

“What’d you need help with?” You ask her eagerly.

She peers over your shoulder, making sure the boys aren’t in sight, and then grabs you by the shirt, pulling you in for a kiss. 

You can’t help but smile against her lips, and when you pull away you chuckle.

“Was that it?”

She hums contentedly, “though I think I need one more for good measure.”

“I’m here to serve,” you tell her teasingly, kissing her again. 

“Nope! No! Okay, that’s enough you two,” Tommy declares as he comes back into the kitchen, “Jesus, I’m gonna throw up.”

You both have the decency to look sheepish and say, “sorry!”

He sighs, feigning annoyance, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Now come on, we gotta get back to school.”

Billy joins you all in the kitchen, “Yep, we gotta go, so no more public indecency, please.”

You snort a little and slap his arm lightly, “shut up.”

He gives you a pointed look and then goes up to hug Wanda, “Bye Mom. I’ll call you next week, okay?”

She hugs him tightly and kisses him tenderly on the forehead before taking Tommy into her arms, “Goodbye, moya lubov.”

Then she says to both of them, “You let me know when you get back safe. I love you!”

“Love you too,” they both say at the same time, heading towards the door.

Tommy looks at you, “you coming?”

You nod, “Yep, be right out in a second.”

When they’re gone you don’t say anything to Wanda, you just pull her into a tight embrace. 

“We’ll see each other soon, okay?” she tells you.

You pull away and admire her pretty features one final time before you have to say goodbye.

“Okay, Wanda. I’ll see you soon.”

She smiles warmly at you and kisses goodbye, but not, you happily note, for forever.

************************************************************************

Tag list: @xenaizogie @alexawynters @eclipse727 @idkwhatever580 @opp-jumpscare @starynn @alessiaswifey @noturlondonboy @chickenlittlsblog @lizzieolsen89 @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @wandasdove @unity-rae @traveler-at-heart @wandasreallover

[jade-jini]

yunjin is the only thing i can honestly think off 😭 also i’d love to see how y/n and loser g!p yunjin got together 🤭

(Look at this cute thing, I’m weak for her)

WELL OFC DEAR ANON lol. So continuing with how our loser g!p Yunjin and reader became all lovey dovey (sorry if it’s too long and if it took too long 😭) THIS IS ALL FLUFF.

As I mentioned, you guys are in the same program so you see her during class and often around campus, mostly just exchanging a few hi’s and comments about class stuff but it never became more than those short conversations. Yunjin can be a very outgoing loser, with her silly jokes and cute pickup lines and constant compliments. She was a sweet girl! Just didn’t feel brave enough to make a more bold move just yet:(. Sakura would always be like “NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?!” And she’d be like “NEVER GIVE UP!” But then when she has the chance to turn her flirt into something else she panics and goes🧍🏻‍♀️

She was getting brave tho, she really was! Until that stupid jock mf had to ruin all the confidence she (and Sakura) has been working so hard to build. This guy was into you. At first he really thought Yunjin didn’t have a chance because how could a loser have one? but then he noticed how you’d giggle like an idiot with Yunjin and his brain went “danger 😐” so like a fvckin asshole the only thing he thought was to make Yunjin afraid to make any move at all, hurting her self esteem.

It was during a morning that she hadn’t see you around yet. She always looks forward to the classes you shared, and when she didn’t see you in your seat as always, she was so confused ‘cause you tended to be on time. She still had hopes that you’d eventually show up. However, her confusion turned into disappointment and sadness when half the class passed and you were nowhere to be found. Yunjin knew she was being dramatic but c’mon! Seeing you is her favorite part of the day :( she spent the rest of the class resting her chin on her books with a pout. Eunchae saw her friend and thought she looked like a sad puppy, she thought it was cute and funny but also had sympathy for her friend. During the little break they had before their next class that was in the same room, she tapped Sakura’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Yunjin unnie looks like a lost puppy when y/n is not around I swear” she told her while trying not to laugh. The eldest turned her head to her red hair friend and sighed with a smile as she shook her head.

“She kinda is if you think about it, I guess” she told the youngest, who couldn’t contain a laugh from escaping her lips. This caused Yunjin to look up to her friends with a frown.

“It’s not fair, why isn’t she here?!” Yunjin started, fixing her posture “Y/n doesn’t tend to miss class, and if she didn’t come to this one she might as well just miss the rest of the day and the classes we have together… ” she complained with a cute pout, but unfortunately somebody heard their conversation.

“Like you would know, wouldn’t you creep?” The guy said, while looking at the girl with a sarcastic smile (Idk bro picture a kpop boi here if you want ig-). “God you spy on her so much you know her schedule? AND you wanna talk like you’re close with her and know what she would do. You’re such a weirdo, that’s exactly why she wouldn’t look at you, you know?” He said with that disgusting mean tone, like he himself knew you any better.

Yunjin was surprised, she knew this guy and knew he wasn’t friendly specially with well, people who didn’t share his exact interest (aka if you’re a nerd), but she wasn’t expecting him to talk to her at all let alone insult her like that, I mean she has gotten kinda bullied before when she was younger but she has done her best to either ignore these people or to defend herself, to which her friends helped a lot.

“And who the fuck are you to talk to her like that?-” Eunchae started but Sakura stopped her grabbing her arm, making sure the girl didn’t start any trouble. The man just put his hands up and laughed.

“I’m just saying, y/n is way out of your league bro, you’re embarrassing yourself and most likely making her feel uncomfortable. Do you enjoy doing that?”

“I would never do that!” Yunjin was offended, she didn’t have any bad intentions with you. Did she cross any boundary? You would tell her though right? You looked like somebody who knew how to speak for yourself well enough, she’s seen it. “I’d never do that intentionally, and I’m sure she would tell me. So far she hasn’t shown any discomfort in any moment we’ve talked.” she said trying to sound a little more confident, mostly to also convince herself you actually didn’t dislike her.

“she’s just too nice to let you know!” He answered as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. “And who knows, maybe she laughs behind your back at your behavior and that’s why she keeps you close.” He finished before walking out of the room, not letting any of the girls talk back (Lord and Sakura know Eunchae was ready to curse Tf outta him) and leaving a mess in Yunjin’s head, filling it with a lot of insecurities and doubts. Girlie was gonna be overthinking about you all day and not in the sweet cheesy way she always does :(

“What. An. Asshole!” Eunchae exclaimed, getting a scold from kkura for the language “no I’m serious what’s wrong with him?? Who does he think he is?! Asshole…”

“Hong Eunchae!” Sakura said in a serious tone, making the girl simply huff and sit down with crossed arms and a pout (Manchae my kid). “Yunjini? Are you ok?” She asked in a softer tone while sitting in her chair next to her friend, who had such a sad and pensive expression “don’t pay no mind to that guy, he doesn’t know you and I seriously doubt he knows y/n.”

“Yeah exactly!” The youngest said “he’s probably just jealous that you always make y/n laugh.”

“Yeah but is it a ‘you’re so funny I’m enjoying this’ laugh or a ‘you’re pathetic and embarrassing’ laugh? Now I don’t know…”

“She’s not a bad person, unnie. You wouldn’t like her if she was, right? But if you’re feeling insecure, let’s see her behavior carefully and maybe we’ll be able to tell.”

the tall girl sighed, resting her head on her books again. Eunchae and Sakura just looked at each other (the oldest patting her friend’s head), not sure how else to comfort their friend, but hoping next time she sees you something good happens and you somehow get those thoughts out of her head.

——

Meanwhile, you decided to miss a class and went to this store you found online where they sell different types of merch about video games, animes, stuff like that, to buy some cool genshin impact photocards you saw online. You knew two things; 1. Yunjin liked that game a lot, and 2. She was probably not gonna make a move to get closer any time soon lol so you decided to give the game a try, and liked it a lot! And now you’re gonna buy some photocards for her as well as a way of making more conversation and getting closer.

Once you got them, you quickly put a Genshin Yunjin one on your phone case (some selfies for social media Ofc) and decided to finally go to class, excited to show this girl that you were basically crushing on the gift you got for her.

Your second class of the day was luckily one with Yunjin, so you were hoping to make it on time to talk with her a little bit before it started, and so you did! But weirdly, you caught the girl on her seat, very quiet while the friends of her who also shared this class seemed a little worried and empathetic with whatever was going on with the red hair girl. You took your seat close to them and waved hi to her friend, whose name if you remember well was Sakura. With a sign you asked her if Jen was ok, to which she replied with a “so-so” sign and a little smile. You nodded sympathetically and decided to maybe wait until later on the day to talk with her, now feeling slightly nervous yourself to make any move. However, while you were considering this option, kkura thought seeing you might cheer her friend up, so she elbowed Yunjin and let her know that you were in the room.

Once the girl looked at your direction, there was a sparkle in her eyes, the one that always appeared whenever she saw you or thought of you. However, once she remembered the mean words the idiot from earlier told her, her smile turned into a more shy, sad small one, and her eyes went to the floor.

“Yunjin? You’re not gonna say hi to her like always?” The Japanese girl asked her in a low voice, trying to motivate her dear friend.

“I don’t know, Kkura..” the sad girl said “What if I just make her feel uncomfortable? What if that’s what I’ve been doing? That’s not only embarrassing, but also not fair for her to feel like that, and not fair for me to keep my hopes high if I’m clearly out of her league. I don’t wanna get even more hurt and also I—”but your voice interrupted her sad rambling.

“Hey Yunjin, Look what I got!” You called, smiling that pretty smile of yours and showing her the back of your phone, hoping this somehow will help cheering her up. And it did! Yunjin’s expression went from sad, to surprised that you called, to excited.

“Oh. My. God. Is that a Genshin Impact special edition Yun Jin photocard ?!” She said in her peculiar loud voice and with a smile showing her perfect teeth. There. There it was. The excited and loud loser who caught your attention. “Omg, y/n! How did you get this? I didn’t even know you liked Genshin!”

“Well, constantly hearing you screaming about it made me curious!” You teased her while laughing, to which she blushed but didn’t stop smiling while listening to you “it was just a few days ago so I’m very new, I actually enjoyed it a lot so I decided to search info about the characters online, and went this morning to this cool store I found to buy some of these.”

“So that’s why you weren’t here earlier” Sakura commented, making you look at her a little surprised.

“Oh you noticed?”

“Yunjin did.” Eunchae answered while looking at her friend with a mischievous smile, to which Yunjin responded with a blush, a threat in her eyes and a promise for vendetta later. “She missed you and everything.”

“Eunchae!” She simply groaned, pouting at the embarrassment her friend made her go through. But to you it was actually really cute the fact that she noticed your absence.

“Well, please accept these as an apology then.” You said while getting the little bag that contained the other photocards and giving it to her. She was so surprised because a gift. For her? From you?! “I didn’t know who your favorite character was so I made sure to get as many as possible. Please take as many as you want, I mainly got them for you to be honest.” You admitted, feeling brave to confess your intentions, even with her friends around.

“Oh my~ this is so cute!” Eunchae squeaked while shaking Yunjin’s shoulder (visual representation), while the girl was just speechless holding the bag you gave her and switching from looking at it to looking at you, who couldn’t stop smiling, satisfied at her reaction while your hands were politely behind your back in a cute shy way. Of course, Sakura had to push her to get out of her shocked state. Yunjin shook her head to bring herself back before speaking.

“Omg y/n, I don’t know what to say, thank you so much!” She said, feeling touched by the detail. Yunjin was looking at you with such sweet eyes, you were making her fall deeper for you, and she didn’t know that’s exactly your plan.

“It’s ok. Just please make sure to leave some Yun Jin for me, she’s my favorite character you know?” You told her in a clearly flirty way and a wink, making sure the message was clear. This made the red hair girl’s eyes open wide as her face had no idea what to do, besides blushing and smiling like an idiot.

“Hehe, Yunjin unnie’s face is trying to match her hair.” Eunchae teased, making you and Sakura laugh at the taller girl.

“Hong Eunchae I swear to God.”

——

After that conversation, the professor entered the classroom, so you quickly agreed on hanging out after class to continue talking about your interest in common. Sakura had a class, and Eunchae went with her after mentioning she was grateful to be able to go ‘cause she didn’t want to third wheel you guys anymore, earning another groan and blush from her best friend. Talking with Yunjin was really nice, and she was really hyped and happy about sharing this topic, so much she decided to invite you to her place so you could continue there, watch some content and even play a little bit! She was excited of being able to teach none other than her crush how to play her favorite game.

Of course she didn’t realize the weight of her actions until you were actually in her room.

Oh god. Her crush was in her room. Alone with her.

Girlie went from excited to nervous once she saw you making yourself comfortable in her bed. Her bed was really soft and warm, and her room was cozy. It reflected her personality well. A nice combination of beige walls and white. Most of the room had warm colors, and the decoration was based on some posters, little shelves with albums and books, pictures and figures of video-games characters the girl was a fan of. She was very organized and clean, her desk having her computer and just a couple notebooks at the moment. You hoped you could spend more time there with her in the future (and no not only for the nasty 🤨).

“This is a really nice place Yun” you told her.

“Thanks, that’s one of the reasons I like spending so much time at home.” She said with a giggle doing her best to contain the blush in her cheeks because did you just call her by a nickname?😳 bro do it again.

“I get it, if my room was this nice and comfy I too would prefer to just stay and play all day.” You said as she lied down next to you.

“Well, you can always come and play with me!” She offered smiling innocently (aw my pookie wookie 🥺), but c’mon you had to tease her after saying that-

“You want me to come play with you, huh?” You said with an obvious teasing tone and a smirk moving your eyebrows up and down, now making it impossible for the red hair girl to not match her cheeks color with her hair.

“I mean! It’s always fun to play genshin with friends…” she said, trying to save herself from the embarrassment, but she felt it was too late so her hands went to her face as she groaned in a low voice. You laughed. She was so endearing, so cute. You couldn’t resist her and she wasn’t even trying to do anything at all. This is the girl you wanted. It just felt too right. It felt like home in your heart even before it did in your head.

“You remember I told you Yunjin is my favorite genshin impact character?” You asked her, taking her hands off her face but not letting go of them, to which she hummed in response. “And do you know why she is my favorite character?”

“Well, her playability in my opinion is really good. Her design and character description is also captivating, and since you mentioned you’re new to the game maybe that’s the reason you liked her. Although I must say I pr—” god this girl could talk. So what’s better than shutting up your crush with a kiss? Nothing bro. Nothing so that’s what you did. With a sweet kiss that she was doing her very best to correspond once the initial shock passed, as she’s been dreaming of doing since the moment her eyes fell on you. Your hand moved slowly from her own hands to her face, caressing it softly as her trembling hand went to your waist. As the seconds passed, her hands felt more comfortable, so she hugged you closer to her, to which you responded hugging her as well. Once you stopped kissing ( barely leaving any space in between your faces), you whispered in her lips “so again, do you know why Yunjin is my favorite character?”

And with her vision blurry and her mind clearly malfunctioning because of everything that was happening (but can you blame her tho?) she said:

“Who’s Yunjin?”

Bro are you serious.

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Who did this to you?

Buck Cleven X Nurse! Reader

Summary: When a patient attack Buck's girl, he's worried about his girl.

Warning: violence/ blood/ use of Y/n/ choking/

Word count: 800 words.

Buck and Y/n were together, but they didn’t like to show it in public. Sometimes, at dances for example, they would dance together, but that was it. Since she was a nurse and he was a pilot, they were really busy all the time. Especially today, the 100th just came back from a bloody mission and Y/n had patient to treat. She was assigned on Edward Monroe’s case. He had pieces of flak in his leg, and he hit his head, so he was unconscious. The pieces were easy to remove, he had 4 big part and multiple small ones. Since he was unconscious, it was fast. But what Y/n didn’t know, was that the man was starting to wake up. Edward was afraid, he didn’t know where he was, and it made him panic.

The door flew open, and the men looked at the nurse that entered the room. She was in shock. ‘’Help, something happened’’ she panted. Buck and Bucky were the first one to get up. ‘’What happened?’’ Colonel Harding asked the nurse. ‘’A patient attacked Y/n, and we can’t get him off her’’ she said. As soon as the name of his girlfriend was mentioned, Buck started to run. When he entered the medical center, he saw the military police with a man, it was pure chaos. Bucky arrived a little bit after and went to talk to the M. P’S, Buck was looking for his girlfriend. ‘’Laura? Where’s Y/n?’’ he asked a nurse. She pointed to a small room; it was a big storage closet. He walked towards it, hoping his girl was okay. When he opened the door, he saw Y/n. Blood dripping from her nose, her eyes were filled with blood since the man choked her so hard. She had bruises on her neck, you could see his hands printed on her neck. When she looked at him, her heart sank.

‘’Oh, my darling, are you okay? What happened, who did this to you?’’ he kneeled in front of her. When she tried to talk, nothing came out, only raspy breaths. He had bruised her vocal cords. She took a piece of paper and wrote on it. ‘I’m better now that you’re here. Edward Monroe attacked me; he was unconscious and then he jumped at my throat.’ When Buck read this, his heart broke a little, but his fist clenched, that son of a bitch hurt his girl. Bucky came behind his friend, he jumped a little when he saw the state of Y/n. ‘’They’re going to arrest him for assault’’ he said. Y/n shook her head, trying to talk, but it was useless. She quickly wrote on another sheet of paper. ‘No! He was just scared. He didn’t mean to hurt me!’ Buck smiled when he read this. She was always so thoughtful and caring. ‘’Y/n, he almost killed you, he deserves it’’ Bucky said. Even though it pained her to admit it, he was right. She simply nodded as she got up, with the help of the two men. ‘’Here, I’ll take care of you’’ Buck said, walking towards an empty room filled with medical stuff. She sat on the bed as he opened the cabinets to take what he needed.

‘’Okay, try to talk, slowly’’ he said, gently holding her neck. She took a deep breath before trying to talk. ‘’Hi’’ her voice was raspy and breathy. ‘’My name is Y/n’’ she continued, still with her shaky, raspy voice. He encouraged her with a smile and small nods. ‘’It hurts’’ she whispered. ‘’I know, darling. You’re really brave. Don’t push yourself too much. We know you can talk, I’m proud of you’’ he said. She smiled and hugged him. She wanted to tell him how she was grateful for him and she wanted to thank him, but her voice didn’t allow it.

‘’You look better’’ Bucky sat on the couch as the couple smiled. ‘’Yeah, my voice is still sore’’ she said with a raspy voice. Her voice sounded like the voice you have after a cold. It was really better, but still it was painful for her to talk. ‘’Still, your eyes are less scary’’ he laughed. Y/n chuckled and looked at Buck, she smiled to him and took a sip of her drink. ‘’I’m happy to see her pretty eyes again’’ Buck confessed. Bucky smiled; he was happy to see his best friend happy with a woman.

[rose-pearls]

Hiiiii i really love your work and was wondering if i could request a clarisse x daughter of Athena fic where (tw: sh) the reader has some control issues/is a bit of a control freak and sh to feel in control and clarisse finds out and helps her find some healthier coping mechanisms— idk like sparring or screaming at broken spears😂 if you’re not comfortable with this no worries— just thought i’d ask. have a great day!!!

Hi! Thank you for your request hopefully you like the way I wrote it! It is a bit short but I have kind of a writer block these last few days, but I am working on the requests I received (thank you so much for sending them)!

Main Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187, @kmc1989, @nyx2021, @thestarspangledcaptain

Percy Jackson Taglist: @niktwazny303

Clarisse La Rue Taglist: @peanutbelley, @abbersreads

Warnings: Self-harm, talking about doing it!!!

It wasn’t easy being a daughter of Athena, your mother was seen as the Goddess of Wisdom, and she always excepted perfection from her children. Some of her children managed to make her proud while others tried their whole lives only to have her ignore them as they hadn’t accomplished what she had expected them to. 

To say you where someone stressed would be an understatement as you always found yourself wanting to control everything, practically losing your mind when you couldn’t control it. You learned to take control through small things, such as eating things in a certain way, that you only wanted to come out even numbers when you did something or the way you had to have every decoration perfectly centered. These were small things that everyone noticed but there was one thing that you hadn’t showed, too afraid of someone telling you that you are weak and that you aren’t a real daughter of Athena. You knew it was bad, from the first time you did it till now, taking that small blade from under your pillow to cut a small line across your skin. People couldn’t really see it, unless they really played attention to it, but you had always been careful. It was like doing it kept you in control of yourself and allowed you to focus more and be better. But it quickly became addicting, that grounding pain keeping you away from your mind running a thousand miles an hour. 

You didn’t know what you were going to do when Clarisse would want to go further into your relationship, as the scars had always been hidden behind layers of clothes. Deep down you knew she would find out one day, but you just wanted to push it away for as long as you could, not wanting the brave Ares girl to see you like this. Only she learned it much faster than you could have imagined. 

“What are you doing?”, you hear someone whisper and you turn around to find the door you thought locked wide open with Clarisse standing there. She looks pained at the sight of the small blade and your naked skin covered in small scars. 

“Nothing,” you whisper, trying to quickly put your clothes back on but a soft hand stops you. 

You look at her but as you are expecting her to be looking at the scar, she looks at you with sad brown eyes.

“Are you self-harming?”, the word is said so quietly that you barely hear it, but it still makes you flinch. You never wanted to say the word, thinking that if you didn’t it wouldn’t make it as important as it is.

“I do,” you whisper softly, not able to lie as she looks at you with tearful brown eyes. She looks even more pained at the words before getting closer to you.

“Can you let me disinfect the cut and put something on it?”, she asks, and you can only nod as she sits you back down and starts cleaning up the cut carefully. It is only when she finishes that you both find yourself in a long silence.

“You can always come to me when you need to talk. Please just come to me when you think of doing this, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” she whispers and you nod slowly, even if you did it you knew it was a hurtful thing to do. 

“I just, I can’t stop,” you whisper, and she closes her eyes at the words, pain etched over her features.

“I’ll help you stop; we will find ways to help you cope without doing this,” she tells you and you nod slowly at her words, unable to figure out if you would ever really be able to stop doing it. 

“I-I know it will be hard, but I will be there right by your side helping you. You can always come to me when you feel the need to do it,” Clarisse whispers as she holds your hand tightly, she seems scared that you are going to refuse her and not try to stop.

“I’ll try, but I can’t promise anything just yet,” you whisper, and she nods quickly, there is a certain understanding in her eyes.

“That is completely normal, I don’t except everything to be alright in a second. Take your time,” she says softly, and you nod before you trying to blink the tears away at her reassurances, but even as you try not to let them fall, they slide down your cheeks. Clarisse doesn’t say anything as the tears fall down your cheeks, she just brings you into her arms and hold you tightly. And if you feel tears against your hair, you don’t say anything, you just hold her tighter.

It isn’t that easy to stop, you knew it wouldn’t but having Clarisse by your side helps. She tries to find new ways with you to cope with your control issues, but it seems you don’t manage it the same way as her. She is more used to taking a sword and destroy a dummy while you look at the sword with disdain, rather wanting to plot the attack and using a dagger. But you find that baking is the solution, following a recipe and watching it all come together manages to keep yourself together and your mind away from things. It doesn’t solve everything, but it helps putting some thoughts away and focusing on something else. You don’t know how it comes that you are so lucky to have Clarisse by your side, but you cherish every second you have with her and her wide smiles as you put another baked treat in front of her. 

[kerensilkiss]

𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 : the canaries (mithrun, pattadol, fleki, lycion)

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 : the canaries with a reader that’s scared of thunder

𝐚/𝐧 : if you understand the reference in the title, i love you. but anyways, it’s a crime that there’s barely any content for the canaries so i wrote some hcs/short scenarios for some of them! sorry if this seems occ, it’s my first time writing for them. anyways, hope y’all enjoy <3

↳ 𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐔𝐍

• | with pre-ending mithrun, you will have to be the brave one and come to him instead. he won’t exactly reassure the grip you have on his arm, but he will still sit with you til the thunder stops.

• | however, with post-ending mithrun you will receive a comforting embrace. since he now has the desire to pursue his wants, he will try his best to calm you down… in his own way. he isn’t always the best at figuring out what exactly you’re feeling at times despite how observant he can be, so figuring out a way to comfort you proves to be difficult. so the only way he knows how to show you how much he cares is through physical touch…

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

as your body began to cower deeper and deeper into the bed, mithrun finally made his move to calm you down. from his spot at his desk, he pushed the chair back under the table and strolled right over to the bed. he was careful with lifting the covers of the bed up as to not startle you, then slid quietly underneath the covers next to you.

apparently, you didn’t even notice him slipping under the covers until you felt his head lay softly on your stomach. your hands still kept their places over your eyes, but with the new feeling on your body, you let out a surprised gasp. “huh, mithrun?”

at this point, he began to close his eye at the comfort you radiated. the feeling wasn’t making him become sleepy, but rather relaxed because of your warmth. “you’re afraid, right?”

with a raised brow and eyes filled with confusion, you peaked between your fingers to look at mithrun. “yes?”

his eye remained closed as he became more comfortable in the bed, snuggling deeper into your side like a cat begging for more attention. “then let’s stay like this til the storm is over.”

a fond smile appeared on your face at the elf’s sweet actions, having not seen them that often. though, you were beginning to see more and more of this side of him. it was nice.

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐋

• | pattadol is fast to provide you comfort when you’re afraid, with her quick thinking she always comes up with multiple ideas that she could use to help you calm down. but this isn’t without her own panic as well, her worry that she won’t be able to help you makes her more scared than you are yourself. brewing a fresh pot of tea, covering your ears to drown the sound out, or even having you wrapped up in a blanket burrito are all lengths she would go to so you can feel safe. but despite all of these futile ideas, there’s one idea that she has left…

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

pattadol’s attempts to calm your hurried breathing were proving to be fruitless, the fear you were feeling wasn’t going to go away any time soon. she could only watch as you stood next to her, shaking uncontrollably while her mind couldn’t make a move to help you. just that thought alone was enough to make her afraid for you, then something finally came to mind.

with a wobbly smile, pattadol turned to look you directly in the eye. she placed a hand on your shoulder to grab your attention then began to slowly guide you to the couch. “here, [name], get comfortable while i grab a bigger blanket. i’ll be back in just a second. i promise.”

after a short while, pattadol came running back in the living room and to your side, blanket in hand. the feeling of worry began to dissipate once she sat down next to you, threw the blanket overtop the both of your bodies, and pulled you close. she made sure that your head was laid right on top of her chest while her other hand was placed on top of your ear, so this way instead of thunder, it was only her heart beat that you could hear.

what made it even better was that pattadol was cozy and warm, the feeling made you want to fall right into a nice nap. however, the elf holding you was still worried about your well-being. with her brows furrowed, she looked down at you and spoke softly. “are you feeling better? does this help?”

you could only mutter a small “yes” before your breathing became steady and your body became totally limp against pattadol.

with that, the elf smiled at her victory. she had gotten you to calm down and finally take a much needed rest. panic like that can’t be good for the body, she thought. but at least she had been able to help you. “good. the storm should subside soon, so until then please rest.”

↳ 𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐊𝐈

• | fleki doesn’t usually pay much attention to the storms that occur so thunder and lightening don’t frighten her that much, but once she see’s how afraid you get she takes them a bit more seriously. she’s not the best at distracting you but she tries her best, she even offered you some of her “shrooms” one time because she ran out of ideas…

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

you looked down at your girlfriends hands, a grimace of disgust overtaking your once fearful frown. reaching one hand out from your blanket cocoon, you gently pushed her hand away. “fleks, i don’t want drugs.”

fleki’s lips turned down into a pout. a part of her was frustrated with you for denying all of her ideas, but the other was plain frustrated with herself. she wish she had better ideas to actually help you rather than being a goof instead, so much for being a decent girlfriend.

with a sigh, she got up from her place on the floor and dramatically stretched her arms up above her head. as she was doing so, she turned to look at you. “well if you don’t want that… c’mon, sweets. let’s play a game to take your mind off things.”, then she walked over to your game shelf to look over your options.

her nonchalant attitude is what made you nervous, that was the way fleki always was but then again she was always unpredictable. so with a hesitant move, you began to crawl out of your blanket to see what exactly she was grabbing. “what kind of game, fleks?”

with a quick spin, she flashed you a deck of cards. “go fish!”, she exclaimed triumphantly.

you raised a brow at her enthusiasm, your nervousness leaving you completely along with it. why was she so excited about go fish? you don’t exactly know. but regardless, you took your place at the table across from where your girlfriend would be sitting. along with you came your blanket for warmth, which you wrapped tightly around you as fleki sat across from you.

with a quick shuffle of the cards, fleki began dealing the cards to the both of you. the game started out slow, but the two of you quickly became competitive and shit talked each other for laughs as the game went on. you were beginning to be distracted from the storm, which was exactly what fleki was aiming for.

in the end, it was she who won the game as well. what you hadn’t known the entire game until she revealed it to you, was that she had hidden a card to ensure her victory. all’s fair in love and war, she said. and oh was this definitely war. “aw crud, you seriously had a five? hiding a card under you is cheating, y’know?”

she let out a loud laugh at your comment, smiling smugly at you. “hah! you’re beginning to sound like pattadol now!”

you couldn’t help but shutter out a laugh at the comparison to the canary, “hey!”

seeing now that you were truly having fun, fleki’s spirits were being lifted again. the victorious grin she bore turned into a softer one, glad that she had achieved something good for you. “let’s go again! we’ll see if you can win this time!”

↳ 𝐋𝐘𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐍

• | he notices pretty quickly that you’re scared of the booming noises outside due to the way your eyes widened with fear at the first rumble. he doesn’t want to leave you alone while your trembling like this, but he will leave you for a moment to make sure the curtains of your windows are closed so you can’t see the lightening either. once he returns, he’s making sure you stay close to him so you feel safer. just like pattadol, he will cover your ears to help drown out the noise as well. and if that idea doesn’t work, he’ll change into his beast form so you can pet him…

· · ─ ·𖥸· ─ · ·

“are you sure this is okay?”, you whispered. your boyfriend had taken his place between your legs, resting his head comfortably on your chest so you could easily reach his fluffy fur. his arms also had wrapped themselves around your waist, acting as a blanket. with the way his body was now, there was no way you were getting up. at least, not for awhile.

lycion didn’t have any complaints about that fact, he loves to cuddle you. though, he never did so with you in his beast form before. it never really crossed his mind before, but the sight of you afraid made him have to think outside of the box. now what he was worried about was making sure you remained calm. “‘course, why wouldn’t it be?”

you looked to the side. it wasn’t that this form that bothered you, no, he was beautiful. but the thought that he may have felt like he had to didn’t sit right with you. “i don’t want to make you uncomfortable…”

he waved a hand at you, dismissing the thought. then he nuzzled his head deeper into your chest, signaling you that he wanted you to pet him. so with a gentle hand, you began running your fingers through his hair along with giving him a few head scratches. “please, pet me all you’d like. and maybe tell me about your day out with that half-elf girl, marcille, was it? i’d like to hear more about all the fun you had.”

so you began rambling on about your outing with marcille, not missing a single detail. how you had a run in with rin from kabru’s party, going to a new restaurant the both of you wanted to try, and all the shops you got to go to. hearing how your day went, he was almost jealous that he didn’t get to be there with you because of his duties.

as you finished your story, you began to focus on the man in your arms and how cute he was. his eyes were closed just at your touch, if he was a cat, he would definitely be purring. it was so domestic and sweet, your body was beginning to feel tired from the warmth surrounding you. “you’re pretty soft, lycion.”

he laughed a bit at your statement, “why thank you, love.”

then the room went silent, but not without the sounds of the storm still outside. lycion could hear that your heartbeat had slowed down, then he glanced up to get a look at your face. and lo and behold, you were fast asleep with your hand still resting on his head. his eyes widened at the sight, surprised that you fell asleep so quickly, “they fell right asleep, huh?”

but he relaxed against you as he was before, loving the affection he was getting. “gotta say, this ain’t bad.”

“sweet dreams, [name].”

@𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 - please do not translate or copy my works.

𝐚/𝐧 : if you’d like a pt. 2 with laio’s party, lemme know!

[ngayawneluoer]

we seek revenge

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ neteyam x reader (past), neytiri x reader (platonic), tbh mostly just a spider hate fic, if you like spider you’re prolly not gonna like this lol

Time doesn't seem to heal the wound of losing you mate, and when the sky people return and you learn the truth, no one can stop you from seeking revenge. Set a year after the events of ATWOW.

word count: 1700

a/n: pov you and neytiri form a spider hate club and beat his ass (sort of)

Even a year later, every breath you took without Neteyam felt like eternal punishment. Every moment you felt the loss of your mate and every step you took without him was only a reminder that you would never feel whole again. Every day, you suffered and mourned the pair you could have been and the life you could have lived, and every night you prayed that Eywa would bring him back or take you with him. But it was never that simple.

And so, you busied yourself with the daily tasks of the Metkayina, your head held high and your face unwavering. At least you had Neytiri, who never seemed to leave your side since her son's death. You mourned, suffered, and cried together, and as time passed, you helped each other get back on your feet and brave the world. To her, you were one final living piece of her son, his other half and the one he loved most, and she couldn't help but love you in turn. She had become like a mother to you, and whilst you knew you would never be able to replace Neteyam, your shared memories of him brought you closer together. And obviously, you bore the whole Sully family in your heart, but you and Neytiri had developed a special bond through the pain you shared and the rage you held for the sky demons that had so mercilessly killed the one you loved.

Another thing you shared with Neytiri was the wariness you felt towards Spider, who Jake had wholly accepted into the family following Neteyam's death. You had grown up around him, but being nothing more than a regular Omatikaya with almost no interaction with humans, you never were the most comfortable with him. The emotion had only doubled after his 'father' brought about the war that killed your beloved. Those around you started accepting him, but you kept your distance, as did Neytiri. You couldn't find it in your hearts to forgive him.

“(Y/N)! Come swim with us!"

The voice broke your train of thought, and you looked up from the bracelet you were weaving. From where you sat next to Neytiri, your eyes found Kiri waving at you from amongst the group of Na'vi youths splashing about in the water. You noticed Spider was there too, practically clinging to her side like a pathetic dog. You tried not to roll your eyes.

"No thank you, Kiri," You answered loud enough for her to hear, trying your hardest to mask the venom in your voice, "Later."

A sad pout graced her face for a mere second, and you knew what was coming. You usually rejected her offers, and she would rarely take no for an answer, opting instead to drag you into the group and make it so that you had no choice but to participate. Sometimes she would even send Tuk to guilt trip you into joining with those adorable eyes of hers, knowing you could never say no to Tuk.

You knew Kiri meant well; she simply saw you pull away and didn't want you to feel left out. Lucky for you, this time she was distracted by Rotxo pulling her tail, and she forgot all about her usual routine of demanding you to join. Better this way. You wouldn't have enjoyed yourself anyway.

Neytiri looked up from the arrow she was crafting, a somewhat curious look on her face. She spoke quietly, deliberately to keep the conversation private from possible overhearers, "I don't see you with those your age lately," her fingers continued crafting, but her focus was still on you, awaiting an answer. Finally, when your gaze didn't shift from where it was fixed onto your hands, she continued, "I cannot be your only friend."

You sighed softly, eyes brimming with tears that you were afraid would spill if you met her gaze, "I do not... want to see him," you knew she knew who you meant from the way you spat out the word as if it was poison on your tongue, "it hurts too much."

You finally bit the bullet and looked up at her, only to find her gaze looking off into the distance, following the human boy you were referring to. Her features twisted into anger as if in the process of a hiss, "He shouldn't be here. He should be with his kind."

"I agree," you started, but didn't know what else to say. There was nothing you could do.

Neytiri hesitated for a second but eventually uttered the words you had a feeling swirled through her mind every day, "I... cannot help but blame him. He is not just a child. He is a demon's child. He will bring nothing but trouble... But I cannot bring it up with anyone but you."

You could tell from how she spoke that she had had this conversation before. You wondered if this was a frequent argument she had with Jake, who was so adamant about accepting Spider into their family.

"I don't understand how they can so easily accept him. I know he is not responsible for his father's actions, but…." you trailed off at a loss for words. But what? You weren't sure where you were going with this. And with Spider so close by, you were hesitant to confess the hatred you held for him simply due to his heritage out loud.

Neytiri understood though. She always did.

She dropped the arrow she was crafting from her hand and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into her side to comfort you, "You are not alone. I see you."

You leaned into her motherly touch, revelling in the comfort she provided, "I see you."

-

But comfort never seemed to last for your kind. The sky people returned, led by the man that didn't seem to die. Your people fought his soldiers bravely, some winning, some losing, but you could safely say you had done more damage to them than they had to you.

"How many times do we have to kill you!" You heard Jake hiss from somewhere, but you were too preoccupied with fighting off the armed soldier in front of you. With a final swift move, you drove your dagger into the avatar soldier's neck, your fangs bared in a hiss as blood sprayed across your face. Briskly, you sheathed your blade into its scabbard and let the body drop, turning back to the dying battle. The sky people were retreating. They were cowards and had finally realised they were severely underprepared. They would be back, they always were, but you revelled in the fact that you didn't die at their hand today.

One of them remained, however. To everyone's shock, Quaritch in the flesh had shown up. He stood proudly with a gun pointed at Jake - Jake pointing one back - knowing that the mere fact that he was alive was rubbing salt in the wound. His return brought back memories of your previous battle with him, and you snarled; eyes focused on the conniving man that stood before you. A thick metal cable fell from the sky behind him, undoubtedly how he would make his escape into the helicopter above. You wouldn't allow it.

As you advanced, you heard Jake hiss again, "How are you alive?"

Quaritch only smirked, attaching himself to the cable, "The answer is simple, Jake. I am, and always will be, better than you," His gaze left Jake and switched to someone far behind you all, and he winked. "Thanks for the save, kid."

…What?

Your blood froze and your muscles tensed, barely registering the sound of the Colonel escaping. It felt like the world had stilled; everyone around you was frozen and unable to breathe as they processed the words that had been spoken mere seconds ago.

You could barely process the faces that surrounded you as you slowly turned, following the direction of where the Colonel had been looking. You should have known.

The world around you disappeared, voices echoing as you could barely hear them over the sound of your own heartbeat. All you knew was the pure anger rushing through your veins and the pathetic human boy standing a few meters away in your line of sight. His eyes met yours. You had never seen such pure, primal terror in anyone's eyes before.

"What did he mean?" You seethed, voice muted as your features twisted in anger. You began taking steps towards Spider, which seemed to trigger Kiri into holding you back.

"(Y/N), wait," She grabbed your arm to try to hold you back, muttering something about how you should relax and how it could have been a misunderstanding, but you snatched your arm back. You knew what you heard.

"Speak!" You screamed, making Spider flinch. He remained quiet, seemingly unable to defend himself, "You saved that man?"

"I.." Spider began taking a step back but came to a sudden halt as he heard the subtle sound of the pull of a bow. Your gaze flickered behind him for just a second, and you saw Neytiri with an arrow pointed straight at his head, a snarl as equally vicious as yours on her face.

"Neytiri, no!" "Mother, please don't hurt him!"

You and Neytiri barely registered the voices.

You took another step forward, your figure towering over Spider.

"That man is responsible for Neteyam's death," Your voice shook and your tail flicked behind you with anger as you spoke - everyone seemed to fall quiet, "And you saved him?"

Spider had the intelligence to keep quiet, at least. Unfortunately, what he didn't have was the courage to look you in the eye.

"Look at me when I speak to you!" You screamed, startling Spider. His head tilted up, and his fearful eyes met yours. His face was scrunched with pain and guilt, but it meant nothing to you. "He went back for you! He wanted to save you! He died because of you!"

You unsheathed your dagger, the dry blood on its sharp blade a symbol of the fate the boy in front of you would face.

"And you will die because of me."

-

a/n: If we don’t get a scene of Neytiri killing Spider’s ass in Avatar 3 I will sue

p.s I made an ask box request things pls and ty

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️Reveling in Richonne - TOWL

#33: The Push (1.04)

While I had to basically dedicate a whole post to that one powerful line where Michonne expresses that she only feels safe when she's with Rick…we now have to talk about how the rest of this riveting scene goes. Because see, Michonne only feels safe with Rick...but Rick is not exactly the one in this gym with her right now as we get the return of his alter ego The Bold As Hell Talking To His Wife Like That Man 😑...

So after Michonne so beautifully and vulnerably expresses herself to Rick, I was very curious how Rick would respond to such a heartfelt confession. Like here is your lovely wife telling you essentially that you're her only true safe space so now you know that no matter how you try to keep her safe from a distance, she’s never really going to feel safe unless you’re with her. I just knew something like that was going to hit Rick’s heart.

But what I didn’t fully realize is that Real Rick is so deeply buried inside Dead Rick so even that moving sentiment from Michonne doesn't penetrate his heart the way I thought it would.

And with Rick's response, this is the most this man has ever tried it ever imo so let’s talk about it...

After Michonne says she only feels safe with him, Rick silently stares at her, at a loss for words again and still frowning. While I know deep down her words hit him, he still has a wall up rn.

Upon hearing this, I feel like you can see on Rick's face that he knows the biggest obstacle to getting Michonne home safe is himself, because she loves him too much to leave him. Hence he proceeds to try and remove the 'obstacle' by no longer being a safe place to land for her which is hard to watch.

Michonne walks up to him and knowing he’s consumed with fear she softly but adamantly tells him, “We don’t have to be afraid, Rick.” I like how she says "we" instead of just telling him he doesn't have to be afraid. They're still one unit to her and they can face this together the second they get it together. She's confident they don't have to let fear dictate how they move because the two of them can always overcome.

Rick is also adamant tho when he responds saying, “Yes we do.” And then Michonne stays asking the right questions when she says, “So that's what I tell our son? That his father didn’t want to know anything about him because he was so afraid?”

Every time Michonne has to acknowledge Rick’s lack of acknowledgment of their son it hurts my heart. 😥 Like Rick, this is a special brand of hurt you are causing your wife.

But as y’all know, it only got worse. 🙃

Rick says, “I’m not the Brave Man.” 😔 And one; I do like how at least him saying this means the Brave Man story Michonne told him about did stick with him. Like he had been acting like so much of what she was saying was just bouncing right off the walls of his heart, but it’s clearly all seeping in, he’s just trying to mask it.

And two; it very sad how assuredly Rick says this. Like he truly believes that the brave man he once was is no more. He only views himself as a fearful failure now. 😥

Rick doesn't realize that the fact that he's still on this earth after everything he's been through is a sign of his resilience and strength so he is still the Brave Man.

gif cred: @nat111love

And then…y’all, Rick says the one thing I told him not to say. 😪

There was one comment that was most off limits and it’s the one he makes when he says, “You shouldn’t have come. I was taken away. I didn’t have a choice. You did.” The audacity. I'm pissed every time I hear it idc.

It was so cruel, so wrong, and so unfair of him to say that. Especially with what this is implying about Michonne as a mother. I think we all knew there might have been a "You shouldn't have come" moment in TOWL but for me what makes this so egregious is him comparing her situation to his and basically saying she made a bad choice. Appalled tbh. 😑

(Even tho stepping outside of the show, I really respect Danai for trusting that she could have Rick say something so foul and still believably get Richonne to a rewarding point of reconciliation by the end of the episode. 👏🏽)

gif cred: @figmentof

When Michonne hears this you can see how incredibly hurtful it is in her eyes so she does the only thing to do in this moment and she pushes him away. And I felt that shove with every fiber and it was necessary because whoever this was in front of her wasn’t Rick. Like this was a pain-inflicting imposter and he needed to get away from her.

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

As Rick does a figurative push away, Michonne does a literal push away.

And then the look Rick gives when she pushes him…y’all for me this is the scariest he’s ever been. 🫣

Like more than Machete Rick, and Feral Rick, and all those other lethal Ricks…this moment where there’s seemingly nothing behind his eyes is just straight terrifying.

I know I joke about The Bold As Hell Man as a new character thing but in this moment I genuinely was like 'Michonne, I do not know who is in this gym with you right now.' Like truly who the hell is this man in here cuz I don’t know him. 🫢

gif cred: @ricksmarlene

Regarding the approach to Rick’s coldness in ep 4 - something I’ve lauded Michonne for in the past is how she is very good at both empathy and accountability and that’s how I personally approach this conversation about Rick’s fear-based behavior as well.

I empathize with the fact that Rick is operating from a place of pain, trauma, and deep love for Michonne while also knowing that the way he is hurting his wife is so not okay. Being in pain doesn’t give a free pass to deliberately cause pain to someone else. And he is intentionally hurting her.

I can both understand that he has severe PTSD and is really trying to hurt himself even more than her because he ultimately wants to protect her, while also knowing that ‘Dead’ Rick'...

I’ve always felt that in a soulmate partnership like this, you have every right to feel what you feel but also every responsibility to not emotionally disappear on or damage your partner in the process of navigating those feelings.

But people are flawed and don’t handle everything perfectly, especially in the midst of trauma which is why I can empathize with the situation. Both on Rick’s end and Michonne’s too as she has every right to feel what she feels.

Rick is so convinced that he is not worth coming after. That she should have given up on him just like he essentially gave up on himself. It’s hard for him to grasp how valued he is. Self-depreciation is what he feels most strongly but it manifests itself as almost condemning her and telling her she essentially made the wrong choice as a mother to leave and look for him. It’s so below the belt to say that.

Rick knows with the love they have this was really the only choice for her to come. I think that might be part of why she tells him he doesn't know anything anymore. Like he forgot how their love and partnership work. They don’t leave people behind especially not each other.

And Michonne was in such a tough conflicting situation when she learned Rick survived the bridge. On one side she has her kids to raise and they need her. And on the other side, her kids’ father and the love of her life has a 99.9% chance that wherever he is he’s in agony and imprisonment - because if he was at all okay and free he would have found his way home by now. So as Michonne, how do you live with that? Especially when your souls are as interconnected as Richonne’s.

She can feel him out there desperately needing her. She can feel her kids needing their dad. She had to go after him. And honestly, Rick knows if he were in her shoes he would have absolutely made the choice to go after her too.

In fact, I low-key feel like if Rick was on that boat like Michonne in TWD 10.13 and the roles were reversed where Michonne disappeared and Rick found signs that she was alive out there, Rick would have got on the walkie with Judith and his little girl wouldn’t need to do any convincing to get Rick to go after Michonne. Rick would just be straight-up telling his daughter, 'Hey Judith, I found out mom might be alive and I’m already en route to Bridgers Terminal to bring her home to us so...

The choice to be away from her kids was not at all an easy one for Michonne to make and was rooted in deep love and loyalty to Rick and to her kids. So for Rick to frame it as anything else was just plain wrong. 

But again, hearing Michonne say she only feels safe with him a few seconds earlier it’s like Rick is trying to deliberately destroy being her safe space so that she can officially feel better about leaving him and going home.

We’ve always praised Rick for being willing to do anything and take out anyone to protect his family but what’s so interesting about TOWL is that we see Rick is willing to even take out himself and break her heart and his own to protect her. 🥺

gif cred: @nat111love

In this gym, Rick is basically attempting to unalive himself again. 😥 I think that's even what his contorted expression was about when Michonne pushed him. Michonne's entrance into his life has made him come alive but he’s convinced he must be ‘dead’ for her to live. So he's doing whatever he can to try and stay dead - such as saying something this upsetting to the love of his life.

It’s a real conundrum because even back when he was Alive Rick, Michonne was the one who made him feel most alive so now that he thinks he has to be dead it’s especially complicated to be back with the brightest and most igniting light in his life - his wife. And I like how they explore the really dark effects of doing what Rick’s grandpa said and being the walking dead.

However, in his warped mindset, what Rick can’t quite see is that trying to take himself out rn and turn off his humanity is killing Michonne too. 🥺

They’re too interconnected for him to try and take himself out this way and it not take her out in a way too. But I do like how Andy plays this moment like the words taste horrible in Rick’s mouth as he goes against his very design and actively tries to hurt her.

Michonne fervently tells Rick he doesn’t know anything anymore - which it’s def seeming that way more and more. And then she smiles with tears filling her eyes and says, “So, this is who you are now? Big guy, huh. Solider of the CRM. You’re moving up right? That’s the plan.” She's letting Rick know he has an unnatural allegiance to losers, that's not like him.

I like how of course Michonne picked up on the fact that Rick was soon gonna be moving up the ranks. And it’s so sad cuz in ep 1, Rick literally seemed disgusted at the idea of moving up the ranks of the CRM but he’s lost a lot of that defiance now.

Also, it’s really interesting to me that this is when Michonne starts addressing the CRM stuff. Because I feel like before she was always trying to rightfully bring the conversation back to their family but Rick was always deflecting back to the CRM. So now she’s just like okay since that’s all you can talk about, let’s talk about it since this is the clique you claim despite saying you don’t. 

gif cred: @figmentof

Michonne says, “Maybe I should be afraid of you in the red uniforms. I don’t know what you’re capable of.” And I was like - Rick, come on, this has got to be a wake-up call knowing your wife even has to remotely entertain the thought of needing to be afraid of you. 😥

But the way he’s looking at her it’s clear the wall he has up is pretty strong right now.

gif cred: @kris-lulu

Then while it pains my heart so much, I always love the way Michonne says, “You lied to me. You keep lying to me.” Like you just feel everything she’s feeling. Exceptionally acted. 👏🏽

gif cred: @kris-lulu

And then if I was fully feeling the emotion when she expresses her hurt over Rick continually lying to her when they’re the two people most meant to be honest with each other, I really really feel the emotion leap off the screen when Michonne says, “You think I’m not beating myself up for not being with my kids right now? That I’m not wondering how I’ll ever live with myself if God forbid….” Oof. 😣🥺💔

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Y’all, this was an outstanding performance, and when I tell you these lines reverberated in my brain for days. It was so moving and so heartbreaking. Like even watching it now for the hundredth time I’m choking up. 😭

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne is a mother. An excellent and devoted mother. A mother who has been through so so much and more than anyone should have to endure. And she’s done it all for the love of her family. A large reason she’s even standing in front of Rick right now is because she loves her kids and they need their father.

Like don’t get me wrong she wanted to find Rick for her and for him, but we saw that convo in her final TWD ep between her and her daughter. Judith had to urge her to go because Michonne was hesitant to leave her babies.

And since setting off to find Rick, Michonne has tried so hard to keep the faith despite the exhaustion and the hardship and now here this man is making her feel like she made a bad choice when she is already wrestling with the difficult decision she had to make as a mother.

Like the fact that she says she’s been beating herself up. Cue my tears. 😭 And the fact that she doesn't know the current status of her son and daughter and she can’t even bring herself to voice the potential outcome of something bad having happened to them while she’s been gone. 😢

Especially knowing that in the past when Michonne had left home for a far briefer time than this, she returned to find she had lost a son not once but twice. It's too much. 😞💔

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne is very aware of the power of words and she doesn’t use them lightly. She doesn’t even like to vocalize painful outcomes like when she thought she lost Rick in Say Yes and couldn't say aloud that she thought he died. Both then and here, she trails off and shakes her head not even wanting to put those tragic scenarios in words.

It’s like how in that deleted season 7 finale scene (that will always be canon to me since it’s the only time Rick and Michonne and Carl really engage after Richonne became an official couple) Michonne encourages Carl to not fantasize about failing because she’s built this great resolve to not even give negative outcomes power in thoughts or words.

I’m so glad Michonne got to let all that emotion out in this gym and be this raw and expressive as a woman and as a mother. This is Michonne at her most vulnerable, speaking about one of the most personal and sensitive things in the world - her children and her feelings and fears as a mom.

You’d think surely this time Rick would have a non-zombified reaction to seeing her pain and how deeply he hurt Michonne here. Like before when he’d been hurtful, Michonne hadn’t yet even cried like this so maybe this would finally be the wake-up call.

...But no. 😪

Instead, Rick just looks at her and grimly says, “That’s why you should go.” To which I always respond...

That's my instinctual response every time cuz like how can you not roundhouse kick your screen when hearing Rick say this? 😒

And y’all, let me tell you, Michonne is my big sister in my head lol, and I promise you I would have been in my full Solange energy up in this building with Rick. Like, don’t let me be in any of these elevators with them because I’m scrapping for my sister. 🥊

Rick responding like that had me wondering how much more audacity does this man have left because my goodness it seemed endless. This was genuinely painful to watch.

It would be hard enough to see Rick emotionally abandon Michonne on any subject, but when she is specifically expressing raw emotions about their kids as the mother of his children, and he still has a cold distant response - blood boiling, tbh. 😠

And also him saying she should go was extra frustrating because 🗣Michonne was going. She was standing right at the exit of this building when Rick came running for her. So telling her she should go was not only hurtful but unnecessary. 😒 

gif cred: @riickgrimes

Michonne responds like it’s really sinking in that whoever this is in front of her is not someone she knows.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

So she gathers herself after being fully emotionally abandoned by Rick and then she says, “Okay. I don’t know who you are. Cause the man I knew would never talk to me like that ever.” Gospel. Rick 'Loverboy & Family Man of the Year Every Year' Grimes would never be so disrespectful.

gif cred: @riickgrimes

It’s interesting that Michonne doesn’t say 'I don’t know who you are anymore' like she'd said previously. Now it’s almost like she’s saying 'I don’t know who you are at all.'

gif cred: @riickgrimes

And once again, Rick masks the pain inside with a steely-eyed sorta lifeless stare at her and it’s just tragic. 

gif cred: @clonecaptains

They hear walkers trying to get in and so Rick says, “We’re getting out of here.” And Michonne nods in a way that feels like she’s had to just surrender the hope of them ever figuring this out. Like as Rick grabs things to help with the escape, Michonne has such a sad sense of surrender over this whole hurtful situation.

She just poured her entire heart out to him about something she feels most vulnerable about - her kids - and for the first time was met with nothing back from Rick. Yet another sign that something is seriously broken within Rick because every other time she’s emotionally expressed herself to him he’s always handled her heart with care and met her where she’s at, like going to Washington and fighting the Saviors. 

Michonne grabs one of those pole things and the way she slowly walks over to join Rick at the door it’s like now she has to put a wall up too because Rick has become adamant about not being her safe space anymore. You just can fully sense how devastating it is that even after finally reuniting with the love of her life, she still feels alone. 💔

gif cred: @taiturner

This whole thing was such a brilliantly acted scene from Danai and Andy. 👏🏽 Like truly these world-class actors were continually confirming that they are powerhouses of the craft with this whole miniseries. 🔥

This gym scene is simultaneously riveting and a hard-watch because of how much visceral pain is infused within it. 🥺

So after Richonne’s most gut-wrenching moment of conflict to date, I remember one of my many thoughts was now how the heck does this episode have an S rating because ain’t no way Michonne lets The Bold As Hell man near her like that after all this. 🙃

But Danai is a sagacious writer and so the following adrenaline-pumping events on a stairwell help force Richonne back together in a very sweet way. And the timing of the following events couldn't have been better, cuz lord knows we and Richonne needed something to turn the tide after this heartbreaking gym scene. ❤️‍🩹👌🏽

[imagining-in-the-margins]

New Beginnings CM Challenge 🌱

The following are prompts involving a new relationship, fresh start, etc.!

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

🌧 Prompts 🌱

Describe Character's first day at the BAU

Character celebrates a milestone of sobriety

Characters are getting the hang of being new parents

Character goes overboard with New Year’s Resolutions

Character decides to try something new in the bedroom

Character is entering the dating scene after their divorce

Character changes career paths with a very different job

Character introduces their new partner to their kid

Character comes out as trans and introduces themselves

Character finally agrees to get set up with a date after a long dry spell

Character learns to navigate their everyday life after a traumatic event

Character escapes an abusive relationship and the recovery is harder than they thought

Character swears that this year they will definitely fulfill all their New Year's resolutions

Character just came out as LGB and goes on their first date with someone of the same sex

Character decides to cut off a member(s) of their family, and the team reminds them that they still have a whole lot of (found) family left

Character lost a partner and swore they would never love like that again... but that hasn't stopped them from falling in love in a different way

Character got a pet for the first time and they realize how much easier it is to take care of themselves when someone else is counting on them

Character had previously come out as something, but then realized they were something else... coming out is even more daunting the second time

More prompts below + Make your own!

🌤 Dialogue Prompts🌻

"The time will pass anyway." (Earl Nightingale)

"If you jump, I jump with you."

"I can't wait to see who you become."

"I love every possible iteration of you."

"To be brave, you must first be afraid." (Bear Grylls)

"You aren't alone in this. None of us are." (Baldur's Gate 3)

"Is it too late to go back?" "Don't you dare."

"This is all new to me." "What?" "Being happy."

"I don't know what I'm doing." "No one does. That's life."

"There are always a million reasons not to do something." (The Office)

🌒Character Specific Prompts🌲

Spencer's life after prison is nothing like before

Spencer decides to pursue his dream of being a cowboy/rancher

Spencer becomes dedicated to turning his life around after relapsing

Spencer doesn't think about Maeve on a special occasion for the first time

Hotch finally stops wearing his old wedding ring

Hotch embraces his role as a single dad

JJ's children are almost grown, and she struggles to reconnect with who she was before she was their mother

Penelope realizes she doesn’t like the person she’s become after leaving the BAU, so she decides to change

Lauren Reynolds died—it’s time Emily start acting like it

Rossi struggles with suddenly becoming a (grand)father

🍂Rules🍃

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character. AUs and crossovers are more than welcome.

Tag me in the fic, or send the link to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check. Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

Have fun!

The Masterlist of fics will be posted around March 1. If you finish after that, no problem - just send me the fic once you’re done and I’ll add it after-the-fact!

Feel free to message me if you want help developing a plot, have any questions, or just want to gush about your fic. I’m happy to help, and I’m happy you’re here ❤️

Happy Writing!

[vanfleeter]

Black Smoke: Chapter 7 - When Ones Ends, Another One Grows

Characters: Jake Kiszka x Fem!reader Warnings: 18+, that never changes. Fluff. Sentimental memories. Mentions of marriage. Mentions of pregnancy and babies. Angst. Death. Grief. Crying. A funeral. A little bit of fear. Smut. Sneaky. Penetrative sex. Getting caught. And if you have a squeaky bed? Good luck. (as always, if I miss anything, please let me know so I can add to the list.)

Black Smoke Masterlist

Stepping up to the bedroom door, Jake slowly reaches for the doorknob and twists it. The familiar smell of cheap cologne and flowers fill his nose as he steps through into the room. A smell that he’s known his entire life. There lying on the bed with his eyes closed and his hands resting in his chest is his grandfather. His chest softly rises and then falls, signaling to Jake that he has waited for him to get there. Approaching the bed, he slowly sinks down in the chair that was placed beside it. His grandfather’s eyes flutter open and he turns his head to look at Jake. A smile spreads across his face and he stretches out a hand to him.

“Jacob..” He breathes.

“Dziadek..” Jake says as he wraps his hand around his grandfather's.

He chuckles with a smile. “You haven’t called me that in years.”

Jake smiles and squeezes his hand. “You held on for me.” He says. “Why?”

“I had to see my Jacob,” His grandfather says as he squeezes Jake’s hand back. “I heard you were in France with a pretty little woman, hmm?”

Jake scoffs with a smile. “My girlfriend, yes,” He says. “Her name is (Y/N), and she’s amazing.”

“I bet she is,” He says. “I can see that twinkle in your eye again.. Been a long time.” He squeezes Jake’s hand again and smiles. “Don’t let go of her, okay? You have a bright future with her, I know you do.”

“And how can you be so sure?”

“Mmmm, a grandpa just knows these things.” He winks at Jake and chuckles. “She’s going to bring you so much joy and so much love, a love you’ve never experienced before.”

“You’re sounding a little prophetic,” Jake narrows his eyes at him with a little smirk. “What do you know, old man?”

His grandfather laughs, a deep laugh, one Jake hasn’t heard for a while. “Just trust me.. But I want you to be brave because that is who you are.”

“You’re scaring me,” Jake laughs.

“Oh no,” His grandfather chuckles. “These are all good things, and nothing to be afraid of.”

It was quiet between the two of them. Jake still held his hand while his grandfather stared at the ceiling. “How much time?” Jake asks, breaking the silence.

“Mm, not much..” He says as he turns his head to look at Jake again. “I do feel at peace.”

“Are you ready?” Jake says, feeling the tightness his chest grows. His grandfather nods his head. Jake’s eyes begin to feel with tears. “And you said your goodbyes to everyone?”

“You were the last one.”

Jake pats his hand. “Then I guess you are free to go.” He says as a lone tear slips down his cheek.

His grandfather smiles. “I love you Jacob.”

“I love you too.” Jake says with a weak smile. “Put in a good word for me, will you?”

His grandfather laughs softly. “Of course I will.” His eyes begin to drift to a close and his grip on Jake’s hand softens.

The tears flow from Jake’s eyes as he holds his grandfather’s hand still. He stayed there for a while until a knock came on the door. “Jake?” Comes your sweet voice.

“He’s gone..” Jake’s voice cracks. He feels your hand rest on his shoulder. He turns to face you, never letting go of his grandfather’s hand. He reaches out with his other hand and pulls you in for a kiss. “I love you, you know that right?”

“Of course I do.”

“And you know that I was only jealous..” He continues. “I could never accuse you of such a thing.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” You say as you brush your thumb over his cheek to wipe away his tears.

The two of you stayed in Michigan until after the funeral. You’ve never heard Jake play the guitar before but you did the day of the funeral. He played a beautiful melody while Sam played along on the piano. It was a beautiful day despite it being a sad one. You held Jake’s hand throughout it all and gave him your shoulder when he needed to cry.

He was quiet for most of the day, except for the few times where he would whisper ‘I love you’ in your ear and kiss your cheek. Aside from playing the guitar and dropping a fistful of dirt into the ground, he never left your side. Even when he was playing the guitar, he’d occasionally look up and his eyes went straight to you. He clung to you like he was afraid that he might lose you too.

And when the burial came to a close and everyone was getting into their cars, Jake started the engine of his and turned his head to look at you. “Can I take you somewhere?” He asks.

“As long as that somewhere has food,” You say. “I’m starving and I’ve been smelling ham all day.”

Jake chuckles and nods his head towards the back. “I may have stolen some food from the reception hall,” He says, a twinkling smile playing on his face.

“You didn’t..”

“But I did,” He turns back to face forward and puts the car in drive.

“You naughty boy,” You giggle.

–

The drive wasn’t long as Jake was pulling into the parking lot in front of the pond. He gathers out the food from the back and a blanket that he snatched from his parents’ house. He brings you over to a specific spot in the grass and lays out the blanket. “What are you doing?” You ask as he sits down on the blanket.

“Just spending some time with you,” He says. “Is that a bad thing?”

“Definitely not, but Jake, shouldn’t we be with your family today?”

He sighs and looks down at his lap. “I need a break, just for a little while.” He says. “I’ve been with them all week and all day today, and I just.. I need just a little moment in time where I’m not thinking about grief and death.”

“Fair..” You go to take out the first item in the tote bag. A plastic bowl full of mashed potatoes. “Good god Jake,” You laugh. “Did you leave any for the others?”

“You did not see how big that bowl was,” Jake says. “There’s plenty left for them.”

He packed all of the main food items. Potatoes, green beans, pasta salad, fruit, vegetables with a small side of ranch, six rolls, a bowl full of cookies and various other desserts.

“Are you sure you left enough for everyone?”

He chuckles and pries the lid off of the container of grapes. “I promise they won’t starve.” He picks a grape off the stem and feeds it to you.

“Tell me about your grandfather,” You say, resting your hand on his knee.

Jake clears his throat, “What do you want to know?” He says.

You shrug your shoulders. “Umm, what’s your favorite memory with him?”

“Oh uh,” Jake puts on his thinking face which makes you smile. “Well, once when Josh and I were five, we were supposed to play baseball this one Saturday but unfortunately the weather decided that it wanted to rain down that day. You can just imagine how bummed out we were. It’s the classic little kid sitting by the window looking all upset and staring out the window at the rain.” He smiles and messes with a button on his jacket. “But as we were sitting there, we saw his truck pull up in the driveway and he got out with our grandmother. And when he came inside, he made the announcement that we’re going to play baseball. At first we were confused, but then he explained to us that it doesn’t rain everywhere.. So he made us get our shoes on and get in the truck and he drove us out a ways away from here, where it wasn’t raining. He brought us to a baseball field and we played baseball. He managed to turn a gloomy day into a fun one.”

“That’s so sweet,” You say as you feed him a grape.

“That was also the day that Josh tripped over his shoelaces and got a mouthful of grass and dirt.” You playfully roll your eyes and he chuckles. “Aside from that.. Our grandfather was all around a caring man, he loved all of us equally but differently. He knew we were all different so he treated us with the same amount of love but also catered to our differences and interests. He was very supportive of Josh, and supported everything about him. He supported our band and then supported us when we decided to do our own things.”

“Speaking of the band,” You say. “Why did you guys drop it?”

Jake shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, really..” He says. “We all loved it, but I guess we were getting to the point of knowing it just wasn’t going to go anywhere. We struggled to get signed and we were always rejected.. So we all mutually decided to just split off and go in our original directions.”

“And you picked up photography?”

Jake nods his head. “I enjoyed being behind the camera when helping Josh with his films that I thought I’d try it out.”

“Turned out pretty successful.” You say as you pick another grape off the stem.

He smiles and leans over to kiss you. “I think it did too,” He says. “If it hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met you.” He shifts around on the blanket and closes the container to the grapes. “I had quite an interesting conversation with my grandfather before he passed,” He says.

“Oh yeah?” Jake nods his head. “What was it about?”

“You.. Me.. Us.. Our future..”

“Oh? Was he a fortune teller?”

Jake chuckles and shakes his head. “I said something similar,” He says. “But uh.. He told me to never let you go, because you’re apparently going to bring me so much joy and so much love, a love that I’ve never experienced before.”

“I will?”

“I guess so,” He pops off the lid to the mashed potatoes and grabs a plastic fork from inside the basket. “He also told me to be brave.”

“He’s just looking out for you.” You smile and dip a fork into the potatoes and take a bite.

“Yeah.. Maybe..” He takes a bite from the potatoes as well. “Do you know something that I should know?” He says with his eyes narrowed just slightly.

You giggle but shake your head. “I don’t know anything.” You say before taking another bite.

After spending a couple hours at the pond, eating all of the food until you were positively stuffed, the two of you make your way back to his parents’ house. He reverted back to his quiet self when he stepped through the front door, but he bid both of his parents a goodnight, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek before he followed you upstairs.

He stared out into space as he stood in front of the mirror and loosened his necktie. Sliding it off, he drops it onto the desk on sets to work on unbuttoning his shirt. Crawling off the bed, you walk over to him and help him finish undoing his shirt.

“What’s going on inside of your head?” You say.

“Just.. Thinking..” He says.

“Thinking about what?” You help him slide off his shirt and carefully put it on a hanger.

“Us..”

You turn back to face him. “Still stuck on what your grandfather told you?”

“No,” He says. “Sort of.. But not entirely..”

“Care to fill me in?” You ask as you unbuckle his belt and slide it out from the loops.

He grabs your hands and pulls them up to his mouth to kiss them. “I love you so much.”

“Well I love you too.”

“And I want to take the next step forward.”

“Pardon?”

He chuckles and kisses your hands again. “What are your thoughts on marriage?”

Your eyebrows perk. “Marriage? That’s what you’re thinking about?”

He nods his head. “Today got me thinking.. What if we got married?”

“Now?”

He laughs but shakes his head. “No, not right now.” He says. “But soon, maybe?”

“Is this your way of proposing?”

“Not quite,” He says as he pulls away from you. He goes over to his duffel and digs around in his pocket. “Not exactly how I planned on doing this,” He says. “But nothing we do is ever planned.”

He turns back to face you and holds a black velvet box in his hand. “Jake..” You say. “How long… How long have you had this?”

“Since before we left for France..” He says. “I know this is crazy but.. I really, really love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to grow old with you like my grandparents did. I want to make babies with you and watch them grow, I want to create this life with you.. If you say yes..”

He slowly bends down to one knee and looks up at you with those hope filled, chocolate brown eyes. If there’s one thing you're certain of is that you can’t live without this man. He’s shown and given you nothing but love. He’s brought you to places that you never thought you’d ever get to see with your own eyes, and he’s given you experiences that you never thought would ever happen, and of course he’s magnificent in bed. That you have to factor in too.

“Why wouldn’t I say yes?” You say with a smirk playing on your face.

He chuckles and stands to his feet. He slides the ring on your finger as he leans down to gently kiss you. “I’d say let’s make love, but umm.. My bed is kind of squeaky. And Josh has to sleep in here too.”

You giggle and wrap your arms around his neck. “That’s okay, I can wait.”

“I love you,” He says.

“I love you too.” You say back.

-

The next morning you wake up to Jake tracing his finger along the curve of your breast. “What are you doing?” You ask as you turn over to face him.

“Waiting for you to wake up,” He says. You can see a hint of mischief in his eyes as he looks at you.

“What do you want?”

“You.” He simply says before kissing you.

You press your hand against his chest, pausing his movements. “But your bed squeaks.”

He chuckles and draws you in for another kiss. “No one is here.” He points across the room and you find Josh’s bed empty. “They all went out to clean up the reception hall, they’ll be gone for a while.”

“Oh Jake, we should go help.”

He shakes his head. “When I went down earlier to snag a little bit of coffee, I told them you weren’t feeling well so we’d stay here.”

“Jacob, you lied?”

He chuckles. “Not entirely.. I also told them that if you’re feeling better then we’d help unload everything when they get back.”

“You are sneaky.”

He smiles and kisses you again. “I just wanted to have you.. I can’t wait until we get home. I want to celebrate now..” He interlaces his hand with yours and moves around your engagement ring on your finger. He rolls you on your back and releases your hand. He leans back on his knees and pushes down his boxers until he’s kicking them to the floor. The bed lets out a low groan and he grimaces making you giggle. “I told you..”

You sit up to remove your top and work on taking off your bottoms before he has you laid back again against the pillows and he draws the covers up over the both of you.

“I feel seventeen again,” You say, making him laugh.

“Definitely feels like high school, having to sneak around without my parents knowing what I’m doing.”

He lines himself up with your entrance before pushing inside of you. “Fuck I’ve missed this,” His says into the crook of your neck. “I knew we should've just gotten a hotel room.”

“Then what thrill would we have from sneaking around?”

“True,” He says as he begins to pick up his pace a little. The bed beyond squeaking with each thrust he gives. “Fuck this is a lot louder than I thought it was going to be.” You can’t help but to giggle and he thrusts deeper inside of you. “You find it funny?” You nod your head and he pulls out before pounding right back into you making you gasp.

“You have to admit, Jake..” You moan, your back arching as his cock brushes against that one spot inside of you. “That this is definitely on the list of things we’ve never done before.”

“And what would that list be?”

“Sex in the middle of the savannah…”

“That was…incredible.” You feel his cock twitch inside of you, his orgasm creeping on him quickly. “What else?”

“The kinky mirrored room in the French villa..”

“Fuck..” He throws his back, biting his lip but never ceasing his thrusts.

“And don’t forget you fucking me in the middle of the vineyard where anyone could have seen us.”

That warm feeling spreads through your belly and you grip tighter to his ass, pushing him as deep as he can inside of you. “Fucking hell..” He groans as he thrusts once more and finally succumbs to his orgasm, his warm seed filling you as your own spills.

“But I think a squeaky bed takes the cake..”

He laughs against your chest, the laugh you’ve missed all week. He’s no longer brooding or quiet. You can feel the warmth radiating from him as the light finally shines through. He slowly pulls out of you and rolls carefully beside you with his back pressed against the wall. His chest glistens with sweat and his face matching.

Suddenly the bedroom flies open and Josh steps through. “GOOD MORNING LOVEBIRDS!”

“Josh!” Jake shouts as he pulls the sheets up to cover your chest.

“What? It’s my room too.” He says as he walks over to his suitcase and retrieves a shirt for himself. “Oh and next time you decide to have sex in this rickety old thing, be sure to listen for the garage door opening. I’m assuming you’re feeling better.” Josh smirks towards you. “Better have one hell of an excuse for mom..”

“Oh god..” Jake groans. “Did she…”

“We all did.”

You can’t help but to laugh and Jake looks at you astonished. “What’s so funny?”

“It’s definitely like being seventeen again..”

“Y’all couldn’t have waited until you were back home?” Josh questions as he leans against the doorframe.

“I would rather not say when we’re buttnaked right now,” Jake says. “So if you don’t mind..” He says as he waves his hand in the shoo’ing motion for Josh to leave.

“Of course, of course.” Josh says as he rolls his eyes and leaves the room. “Make sure to wash those sheets!” He calls as he closes the door.

Jake groans and falls back against the pillows. “Still think this takes the cake?”

“Oh for sure,” You laugh before pushing yourself out of bed and grabbing your clothes to get dressed.

-

Eventually making it downstairs, all of the conversation dies down when the two of you step into the kitchen. “So should I start buying little booties for the baby?” Sam teases, earning a slap on the back of the head from Danny. “Ow! It was just a joke, damn..”

“No-o-o,” Jake says as he rolls his eyes. “But you can start looking into buying a tuxedo,” He adds.

“A tuxedo?” Sam questions. “For what?”

Jake grabs your hands and lifts it up for them to see the ring on your finger. “You’re engaged?!” Josh exclaims. “When did this happen?”

“Uh, last night,” Jake says, scratching the back of his neck.

“Well congrats!” Josh exclaims as he gets up from the table and comes over to hug the both of you. “After this week, I definitely think this is the good news we all could use.”

“Good news?” Their father says as he walks into the house and carries the last of the trunk load. “What did we miss?”

“Uh Dad.. Mom..” Jake takes a deep breath, clearly more nervous to tell his parents than he is his brothers. “Last night I asked (Y/N) to marry me.”

“M-Marry?” His mother stammers. “Y-You're engaged?”

Jake nods his head. “Yeah, Mom.. We are.” He braves a small but proud smile and squeezes your hand. “I know with everything going on this week, it might not be the best time but I wanted to.”

A smile spreads across his mother’s face and she rushes over to the two of you. “This is wonderful! Oh, your grandfather would be so happy for you!” She gushes. “This is great news!”

“Welcome to family, (Y/N).” His father chuckles as he hugs you.

“And who knows, they might even have a baby on the way.” Sam jokes again.

“Don’t make me slap you again,” Danny warns. “Shut up.”

“Oh my god,” Their mother gasps. “Are you pregnant?”

“No! No!” Jake exclaims. “Sam can fuck off.. No, we aren’t having a baby–at least not yet anyways.”

“Yeah, tell that to the bed upstairs..” Sam grumbles. He puts his hand out to stop Danny. “Hit me again, I dare you.” Danny chuckles and reaches for the glass in front of him to finish off his orange juice.

“I don’t want to know.” Their father says as he walks over to the fridge.

Sam gets up from the table and comes over to the two of you. “I really am happy for you two,” He says with a smile. “I was hoping this would happen. I knew from the moment I first saw you two together that it would lead to this.”

“And yet you never told me.” Jake jokes as they hug.

“Didn’t want to jinx anything,” Sam laughs. “So, since you took our engagement photos, can I take yours?”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it,” Jake chuckles.

-

Later that day, you’re lounging out on the front porch and watching the few cars that drive by the house when the front door opens. Looking behind you, you see Jake stepping out. He gives you a small smile before sitting down in the chair next to you. “What are you doing out here?” He asks.

“Just thinking.” You say as he picks up your hand.

“Please don’t tell me that you’re rethinking any of this.”

You giggle and shake your head. “Never..”

“So what’s got you thinking?”

“Sam is his baby talk..”

“He doesn’t know how to filter his mouth.” Jake says making you laugh.

“Would you want to have a baby though?”

Jake’s eyebrows raise and his mouth falls slightly agape. “Right now?”

“Well no, not necessarily, but eventually.”

Jake smiles and kisses the top of your hand. “I would like to have a baby,” He says. “I think we’d be pretty good at making one.”

You scoff and shove him away making him laugh. “You’re such a dork.”

“Eventually we will have a baby and I am ready whenever you are.”

“Yeah?”

He nods his head and squeezes your hand. “So I did get an email the other day,” He says. “I haven’t responded yet due to circumstances but,” He shifts in the chair and runs a hand through his hair. “I was asked to photograph for a magazine in London. A pretty high profile magazine.”

“Intriguing.” You say as you lean on the arm of the chair. “Which magazine?”

“Vogue,” Jake smiles. “Well.. British Vogue, but still..”

“That’s incredible!” You exclaim. “Are you going to take it?”

“I wanted to talk to you first. I’d be gone for a few days, but I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me?” He says. “You’ve pretty much come on all of the trips with me so I figured, why not come along on this one?”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“So who do you get the privilege of photographing?” You ask.

“Uh well..” You watch him as he chews on his bottom lip and scratches his head.

“Jake..”

“Now hear me out, it is strictly work.”

“Jacob..” You cock a brow and he sighs.

“She’s a model..”

“Mmhmm..”

“Just a model.. And it’s strictly work..” He rubs his thumbs over your knuckles and looks up at you with the puppy dog eyes. “You’re not going to be jealous, are you?”

“Me? Jealous? Ha!” You laugh and pull your hand away. “Never..”

“So you’ll be nice while we’re there?”

“I will be nice, I promise.” You say as you stand up from the chair. “But the second she flirts, I’m unleashing my claws.”

Jake laughs and pulls you back down to sit on his lap. “Even if she flirts with me, I won’t give her my time.”

“Mmhmm..”

“You are jealous,” He says with a chuckle.

“No, I am not.” You fold your arms over your chest and turn your head away.

“Hey now, I love you. I’m marrying you.” He reaches for your chin and forces you to look at him. “No one is going to get in the way of any of that. Not a creepy vineyard owning old guy and definitely not a supermodel.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good,” You lean down to kiss him. “Now if you don’t mind, I am going to start looking at wedding dresses.” You climb off his lap and start heading for the front door when you stop and look back at him.

“What?” He says with a slight chuckle.

You shrug your shoulders. “Just imagining you as a daddy..”

Jake leans on the arm and cocks his eyebrow. “Which one?” You chew on your bottom lip and he laughs. “Be careful..” He warns.

Jake stays out on the porch long after you have gone back inside the house. The screen door swings open and his father steps out. “So you’re getting married,” He says as he occupies the empty chair where you had been. “What made you decide that?”

“After talking with Grandpa, I came to the realization that I love her and all I want is her. She’s the one for me.”

His father smiles and reclines back in the chair. “And she’s definitely not pregnant?”

Jake laughs and shakes his head. “No, she’s not pregnant. And even if she was, that wouldn’t be the reason I want to marry her.” He sighs and leans back in his chair as well. “Grandpa told me to not let her go. She’s supposed to give me something that I’ve never had before.”

“And you want to know what that is?”

Jake nods his head. “You know Grandpa and his cryptic talk,” He scoffs.

“Mm,” His father nods his head and rubs his index finger and thumb over his chin hair. “When one ends, another one grows.”

Jake groans. “Another riddle?”

“Pay close attention to (Y/N). I’ve noticed something about her that I’ve seen on your mother a few times.” He pats Jake on the back before standing out of the chair and making his way back inside the house.

______________________________________________________________

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[ginnsbaker]

In Losing Grip On Sinking Ships (16/22)

Chapter summary: You go through a difficult period following your breakup with Yelena, and you and Wanda end up falling down the rabbit hole for the second time around

Chapter word count: 6.4K | Warnings: Angst, Mild smut | Ship: Wanda x Female Reader

Author's note: Before you say anything, I have a plan. Enjoy :) P.S. My requests are open

AO3 | Masterlist 

Next chapter: Seventeen Part One

--

Sixteen

“And then she kissed you?” Agatha asks. She looks the same way she does when she’s actively participating in gossip, hanging onto every detail of the latest scandal that keeps most people entertained in their insignificant lives.

Wanda solemnly nods, as if validating a piece of tragic news.

“Why aren't you thrilled?” Agatha observes quietly, picking at her tooth with her fingernail. “I mean, doesn't that confirm that she still has feelings for you?”

“You remember what happened last time, right? When she did more than just kiss me?”

Agatha grimaces, “Right, of all places, in our stockroom." Then, her tone morphs into a more probing one, “But, did the kiss feel as if she just wanted to get into your pants?”

Wanda lets out a sigh, her heartbeat quickening as she reminisces about its tenderness. It felt akin to a first kiss—vulnerable, slightly apprehensive, tinged with anxiety, and yet, at the same time familiar—like finding her way back home.

It was perfect in every sense. 

But it was tainted by its very nature. It was a betrayal. And if there were truly raw feelings behind it, then it’s worse—it would mean that you have been emotionally unfaithful to Yelena. 

Wanda may have ruined yet another relationship.

In the midst of her internal struggle, she finally manages to answer Agatha, “It felt like hope,” giving voice to her undeniable feelings for you. “But she’s with Yelena.”

“I never really had faith in that relationship to begin with,” Agatha retorts dismissively, cleaning her hands with a towel before reaching for one of the cookies on display.

“That's a terrible thing to say,” Wanda chides.

“I’m only being honest,” Agatha says, unapologetic in her bluntness. “You were fucking each other like rabbits and then a few weeks later, she gets a girlfriend. That's a classic rebound scenario. I'm surprised the woman she's with allowed herself to be used like that.”

Wanda finds Agatha’s uninhibited words a little offensive, though she understands that their deepening friendship has allowed for such unfiltered honesty between them. Even though she's jealous of Yelena, Wanda understands that she is good for you. She doesn't like how Agatha talks about Yelena as if she's too naive to try a relationship with you.

Wanda feels she can relate with Yelena. Often, love makes us scared that we might never get a second chance, so we choose to take a leap of faith, despite the warning signs.

“So, what are you planning to do about it?” Agatha asks, taking a bite of her favorite cookie. Wanda makes a mental note to deduct that cookie from the stock count.

Wanda shakes her head, replying, “Nothing,”

Agatha pauses mid-chew, her eyes wide with shock. Wanda can't help but observe the crumbs of food lodged in her teeth. “You're not going to seize this opportunity?” Agatha questions, disbelief coating her voice.

“Y/N needs to sort things out,” Wanda lets out a heavy sigh. “Without my interference.”

“You’re not afraid of missing out on this chance?”

Wanda sidesteps Agatha's question with one of her own. “Why are you suddenly supportive? It wasn’t long ago when you couldn't stand her.”

“I’m supportive of you. I’m rooting for your happiness, dear. But I’ve seen you at your worst, and I think you’re putting on a brave face right now.”

Wanda's eyes dip down. Her friend isn’t entirely wrong.

“What happens if she decides to stay with Yelena?” Agatha probes further.

Wanda's response isn't immediate; she takes a moment, seemingly lost in thought, before replying softly, “Then I hope she’ll be very happy with her.” 

Agatha rolls her eyes, because of course, Wanda would say that. Even if you were being served to her on a silver platter, she’d worry for your happiness over her own. 

“And where does that leave you?” Agatha asks, folding her arms across her chest.

Wanda lifts her shoulders in a casual shrug, her face unreadable. “Living life as it comes, I guess. Just one day at a time.”

At this, Agatha decides to drop the subject. She has a strong feeling that Wanda’s just waiting for you to come to her, and when you do, she's certain that Wanda won't maintain this pretense of indifference. As for Wanda, she doesn’t want to obsess over what you’re doing or thinking. She doesn’t want to make the same mistake of hoping for an outcome that only you can decide.

Switching topics, Agatha raises an eyebrow and asks, “And the pup? Is he doing okay?”

Wanda smiles faintly, “I brought him home yesterday.”

“Well, that's a relief,” Agatha remarks. “Do you reckon Sparky masterminded all this to get Y/N to your place at an ungodly hour? Can dogs be that crafty?”

Wanda throws her an incredulous look. “Are you being serious right now?”

A wicked giggle slips from Agatha, spreading until Wanda finds herself laughing along. She doesn't notice the arrival of a guest until the distinct sound of the call bell jars her attention.

It’s Valkyrie, casually leaning against the countertop, looking awkward and so unlike her usual self.

Agatha casts a sly glance at Peter, who's been trying to catch her eye ever since Valkyrie stepped into the cafe. When Agatha isn't around, Peter fills her in on the latest happenings, a reliable source of juicy tidbits. Peter quirks his brows and discreetly nods towards Valkyrie, his mouth miming a silent message. Reading his lips, Agatha pieces together that this is the woman who recently found herself entangled in Wanda's intricate web.

Agatha sweeps her eyes over the woman appreciatively. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Wanda rubs her palms together, a habit she’s developed before taking a customer order. “Hi, Val! What is it for today? We have new beans delivered all the way from Niseko–”

“Actually,” Valkyrie softly cuts her off. “I was hoping we could talk?”

Agatha watches their exchange, an eager twinkle in her eyes. With the pace at which interesting events are unraveling, she may as well pop a bag of microwave popcorn to truly savor the unfolding drama.

Wanda nods and moves away from the counter, temporarily handing the reins to Agatha. They pick a spot in the furthest corner from the kitchen, well out of earshot, much to Agatha's disappointment.

“First off, I owe you an apology,” Valkyrie begins. “I’d blame it on the alcohol, but there’s no excuse for me pressuring you too much to take shots. That wasn’t cool at all. You already said no several times and I ignored you.”

Wanda waves her off casually. “Oh, it's alright. I appreciate the apology, but it wasn't that big of a deal. You couldn't have forced me to drink if I really didn't want to, right?”

Valkyrie's frown dips further at Wanda's easy dismissal of the issue. “No, Wanda. If I'd kept on, I might've pushed you into it even if you didn't want to. I'm just glad Y/N stepped in when she did.”

Something flashes in Wanda’s eyes at the mention of your name. Valkyrie catches it but opts to ignore it for the meantime.

“Yeah, I did feel a bit cornered that night,” Wanda concedes, a smile returning to her face. “But it's water under the bridge now. Was there something else you needed to discuss?”

“You sure don't beat around the bush, do you?” Valkyrie attempts to lighten the mood, but her tension is evident in her shaky voice and the way her fingers fiddle with her watch.

Wanda chuckles. “It's a skill I've been honing lately.”

Taking a deep, measured breath, Valkyrie gathers her courage. "Alright, here it is..."

Wanda tilts her head at her curiously, wondering what it’s about.

“I like you,” Valkyrie blurts out. “I don’t normally confess to someone I’m not even dating, but you’re… incredible. That's how I feel about you and I thought you should know."

“Oh! Uh…” Wanda trails off, blushing at Valkyrie’s confession.

Valkyrie nibbles at her lip, observing as Wanda fumbles to put her thoughts into words. She silently hopes she's left Wanda speechless in a good way.

“There’s… someone,” Wanda manages to utter out eventually. “I've been in love with her for the better part of my life.” Or maybe her whole life, if she’s being brutally honest.

Valkyrie nods, her throat tightening to hold back the sting of rejection. “It's her, isn't it?” she ventures, silently alluding to you.

Wanda diverts her gaze and emits a modest laugh. She must have made her feelings too obvious for anyone to see.

“She’s my ex-wife,” is all the explanation Wanda offers.

“Wow,” Valkyrie looks taken aback by the revelation. “That sounds messy.”

“It's beyond messy,” Wanda retorts.

“Go on,” Valkyrie encourages.

Wanda looks at her, thoughtful. “Are you sure you want to delve into my past? It might take some time.”

Valkyrie smiles, already leaning in closer to signify that she’s all ears. “I made time this morning specifically to talk to you. I want to understand, at least, why I'm being rejected.”

Wanda chuckles softly at the gesture. Collecting her thoughts, she starts to narrate a condensed version of the turbulent history she's had, of how she ruined everything that’s good in her life.

When Wanda wraps up her story, Valkyrie simply says, "Wow, that's... pretty fucking messed up."

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Wanda admits, biting her lower lip, anxiety swirling in her gaze. She worries that revealing her darkest past may have cost her a budding friendship. “I think I saw your interest, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions and have the wrong idea. I just wanted us to be friends. I still do, if that's okay with you.”

“Of course, I want to be friends with you, Wanda. More than the fact that you’re hot, we have a lot in common too.”

Wanda's cheeks tinge a soft pink at Valkyrie's flippant comment about her being ‘hot’.

“So, friends then?” Valkyrie extends her hand.

Wanda smiles in relief. “Friends.”

***

A phone call rouses you from sleep. You groggily glance at the clock and realize you've overslept.

“It’s done,” your lawyer's voice cuts through the grogginess as soon as you pick up the call.

Disoriented, you squint against the daylight streaming in through the window. “What are you referring to?” you inquire, your voice hoarse from sleep.

“Vision has settled,” she elaborates, her words crisp and distinct. “And he caught a flight to Tokyo last night.”

“He's gone?”

“From what I've heard, he intended to use the settlement money to finance his studies overseas. He won't be returning in the near future. But even if he does decide to cut his trip short, you're safe. He has no legal means to trouble you anymore,” she assures you.

“You've got snitches now?” you quip, your eyes narrowing in suspicion even as the beginnings of a smile tug at the corners of your mouth.

Her laughter rings out through the phone, followed by a breezy, “You're welcome,” before she ends the call.

It's over. A chapter of your past has finally closed. Vision has physically left the city, and you've literally paid your dues. You hadn't realized you were in a kind of self-imposed cage until now, when a sense of liberation pulses through your veins.

Before you can fully indulge in the relief provided by your lawyer's news, however, a persistent knock at your door breaks your reverie. You can't help but wonder who it could be, and how they bypassed the building's security without a notification from the concierge.

As you pull the door open, you find yourself face to face with the last person you expected to see.

“Nat?”

She appears ready to tear you apart. For a moment, the thought crosses your mind, 'this is it, this is how I go, at the hands of my best friend'. Strangely, you're indifferent to whatever she might inflict on you. Having her here at least affords you an opportunity to have a conversation.

Yet, Natasha doesn't respond. She doesn't even spare you a glance. Instead, she brushes past you and starts gathering random items into a large duffel bag she brought along.

“Nat, can you please just talk to me?”

“What for, Y/N? I have nothing to say to you.”

“Yelena broke up with me,” you say.

Natasha scoffs. “Yeah, no kidding.”

“Nat, please,” you plead. “You can’t just cut me out forever. I’m your best–”

“Are you?!” The outburst that tears from her is enough to make you recoil. “Are you my friend, Y/N? I woke up to my sister on my doorstep, in shambles. All thanks to my ‘friend’.”

You wrap your arms around yourself as tremors course through your body. Tears start to flow down your cheeks at the mere mention of Yelena.

“You want to talk? Fine, I’ll talk,” Natasha rages on. “I stood by you through thick and thin. I held your hand through all the shit you went through last year. I brought you into my home. I took care of you. I loved you–” Natasha's voice catches on 'loved', and your heart shatters at her use of the past tense.

“–and you just betrayed me, like I meant nothing. You betrayed my sister like she meant nothing. We both cared about you, Y/N.” Her voice dwindles near the end, her next words coming out just above a whisper. “So, no, we’re not friends. Not anymore.”

“Nat, I’m s–”

“You know what? I can’t fucking do this. I’m just gonna send someone to collect Yelena's things. If I don’t, just throw out her stuff like you did with your relationship. Goodbye, Y/N.”

The door slams shut behind her. You find yourself on the floor, curled into a ball, as you grieve the friendship you’ve known all your life.

***

Dark screens and unreturned messages follow.

Yelena has blocked you on every possible platform, cutting off any form of communication. Natasha hasn't, but she leaves all your messages unread, allowing your calls to go unanswered, seemingly enjoying your desperation. Clint ignores your texts, and Kate only responded once, promising to try and speak to Yelena for you. That was a week ago, and there's been no word since. You didn't think you'd be back in the dark place you were in a year ago, and the worst part is, you brought it on yourself this time.

The only news you get about Yelena is from your own mother. A few days after Yelena left your shared apartment, your mother called to ask what had happened. Apparently, Yelena had told her the news herself and asked her to take care of you and make sure you were alright. Throughout the call, you cried silently, feeling the remnants of Yelena's care for you even after you broke her heart.

And your mother, perennially at odds with handling emotions, simply offered her condolences. Although by doing so, she offered more support than she did when you were weathering your divorce from Wanda the year before. With your latest tragedy out of the way, she proceeded to ask if you could make time to visit Montauk over the holidays.

***

Drinking is… a problem. Again. 

But you approach it with more caution this time. You don’t drink as much at home so you can avoid not showing up at work the next day. Rather, you sneak in a flask in the office, sipping from it from time to time to keep you the right amount of…adrift. You’re too good with numbers that even with a little haze in your head, the alcohol doesn’t interfere with your work. 

It interferes with other thoughts.

***

When Kate finally calls you, you’re in the middle of a disastrous presentation at work. Her words had been brief, only giving you the time (three in the afternoon) and location (The New York Public Library) where she wanted to meet. 

It takes some time for you to locate Kate within the vast elegance of the Rose Main Reading Room. She's tucked away in the northeast corner, engrossed in her work, even on a Sunday. A towering pile of books rises to her eye level on her desk.

“I can’t believe I was wrong about you.” Kate says without looking up as you settle on the vacant seat next to her.

“Wrong about me?” you ask, keeping your voice in a hushed tone.

“I had this fleeting thought that you might actually be a good person.” she says.

Swallowing hard, you struggle to find a response, well aware that Kate is just laying out the facts. What kind of person would cheat on their best friend's sister? What kind of person would throw away years of trust and a lifelong friendship?

“She told you?” you finally manage to ask.

“Yelena didn’t say much,” Kate says with a hint of sorrow. “But I've never seen her look so…” she trails off, struggling to find the right words, and eventually concludes, “She doesn't look like the Yelena I know.”

You’re afraid to ask what she means by that. You haven’t looked in the mirror yourself, in fear of seeing the results of your own wreckage.

“She quit today, you know?” Kate reveals, setting down her pen to give you her full attention. You don't see resentment in her eyes, only caution. This is the most compassion you've been shown since your relationship with Yelena fell apart. 

The news of Yelena's resignation hits you like a punch to the gut. She had a promising career ahead of her, and she'd found a supportive environment in her workplace. It's hard to believe she'd just abandon that so abruptly. You feel a wave of nausea at the thought.

“I sort of saw it coming,” Kate adds. “Not her resignation–God, I tried my best to talk her out of it, but she wouldn't budge. I… I saw you running back to Wanda.”

Your eyes narrow curiously as you regard Kate. “How?” 

Kate sighs, pushing a pile of papers to the side to give you her full attention. “It's not a secret, you know. You might think you're being discreet, but you’re more transparent than you'd like to believe. You’re a completely different person when she’s around. I saw it during the 6-miler event we all joined by chance.”

There’s no point in denying any of that. The weeks that follow after that, you were crying to your mother regarding your conflicted feelings about Wanda. But if you had been aware of the signs as early as then, would things be different somehow?

“I didn't mean for any of this to happen, Kate,” you say, the words sounding weak and inadequate to your own ears.

“I know,” Kate says quietly, and there's a touch of sympathy in her eyes that makes you feel even worse. “But that doesn't change the fact that it did happen. And people are getting hurt because of it.”

You can sense that Kate is one of those people–by hurting Yelena, the girl she clearly loves. 

“I’m… I’m sorry,” you whisper. You wish there was another way to convey how sorry you are–a keyword to make it all go away.

“Yeah, me too. Mostly because I have to tell you that we can no longer be friends.” Kate says, looking genuinely upset about her decision, her gaze dropping to her hands as she twirls the pen between her fingers.

“I know,” you nod, appreciating her honesty. “Thank you.”

“Look, I have no idea how deep your thing with Wanda goes. All I know is you can’t keep running away. You can’t keep hiding behind the comfort of other people.”

You bob your head in acknowledgment, even though you're uncertain how to put her words into practice.

"Can you pass on a message to Yelena for me?" you ask, wringing your hands together nervously.

Kate lets out a sigh, her fingers halting their movement on the pen. “I’ll try. No promises though.”

“Could you tell her that I'm sorry...that I truly loved her?”

A moment of silence follows your request as Kate studies you, her lips pursed. It might seem hypocritical of you to make such a claim, but she refrains from passing judgment. But seeing your bloodshot eyes and your pale chapped lips and the lack of life in you, she thinks there’s probably some truth to it.

***

It takes you an additional week before you summon the courage to visit Wanda's apartment. 

Truth be told, you've been hiding away in shame, confining yourself to either your bedroom or your office, instructing your assistant to keep the door closed and not to disturb you, secluding yourself from the outside world. Aside from interactions at your work, you haven’t talked to anyone. 

A moment of misjudgment led you to lose everything that you were left with when you lost Wanda. But gradually, even as you were beating yourself up over and over again with the dissolution of your relationship with both Romanovs, Wanda became the only one you can think about. You can't escape her pull, no matter how hard you try. 

Eventually, you devolve into nothing more than a compulsion; a compelling need to see Wanda. Which is what brings you here, with your fist poised to knock on the door. But just before your knuckles make contact with the wooden panel, the door swings open, and Wanda's voice unthinkingly spills into the hallway where you stand.

“–let me ask if the neighbor has some sugar–” Wanda halts dead in her tracks as she comes face to face with you.

The timid smile on your face drops as soon as you realize she's not alone. Behind her, comfortably perched on the couch is Valkyrie.

“Seems like you're already entertained. I'll head out,” Valkyrie proposes, getting up on her feet. “I'll pick up my shirt when you come around for the run next week, sound good?”

Wanda nods in a daze to that, her eyes never leaving you.

"No, I should leave," you counter weakly.

“No, Y/N, please stay,” Wanda implores. “See you later, Val. Thanks for the shoes.”

You stiffen and step aside as Valkyrie moves to gather her belongings. When she finally approaches the door, standing next to you, she tilts her head to murmur a parting sentiment intended for your ears only.

“You’ve got it all wrong. I had a spill on my shirt. Don't let her down this time,” she whispers. 

Her words stun you into silence long after she's left.

“Y/N? Please, come in,” Wanda invites you, her voice trembling slightly. Nodding silently, you step inside.

You regard each other quietly, simply observing one another for what feels like an eternity. This isn’t how you imagined things would go when you thought about coming here this morning. You wanted to see Wanda because you needed to be with her. But now, all you can think about is Wanda and Valkyrie being all over each other.

“It’s been awhile,” Wanda offers, not really sure how to begin as you stay awkwardly near the door–as if you’re strategically placing yourself there in case you decide you want to run. She studies you, attempting to read your expression, to figure out what this could be about. She’s been thinking about the thumb drive that contained the video of her and Vision. Did you finally see it? Did you decide to pay him off?

Or is this about Yelena? Wanda’s been thinking if you came clean to your girlfriend about the kiss, wondering if you've managed to patch things up, and if Yelena has forgiven you.

If you’ve chosen to be with Yelena after all.

“Yeah, Valkyrie was here pretty early, wasn't she?” you state more than ask, a hint of bitterness edging your words. You glance at your watch, adding, “At 6:30 in the morning, no less.”

Wanda furrows her brows at your tone, as though she's on the receiving end of an unfounded accusation.

“She was on her morning run, dropped by to hand over a pair of shoes from her club's sponsor. Nothing more,” she explains.

You snort, "Sounds awfully convenient."

Rather than entertain your skepticism further, Wanda redirects the conversation elsewhere. What you presume about her and Valkyrie is the last of her worries right now.

“Why are you here, Y/N?” Wanda asks, her voice a little unsure. When your eyes meet hers, Wanda sees the signs of sleepless nights and a certain emptiness that paints a clear picture.

You and Yelena are done.

And it's breaking you. Her heart aches, even knowing that you're now, technically, available. She never wanted this for you. And she can't help but feel that she messed up your happiness once again.

“I just... I needed to see you,” you admit with a half-hearted shrug. “Looks like you didn't waste any time though.”

“Valkyrie and I are just friends,” Wanda insists, the edge of her patience beginning to fray.

“You seriously think I'll believe that?” you shoot back.

Wanda heaves a sigh, exasperation seeping into her tone. “Believe whatever you want, Y/N. Doesn't change the truth.”

“She was wearing your shirt.” you highlight, not quite ready to drop the issue.

“She spilled coffee on herself. I gave her a clean one. That's it.”

“And I'm supposed to accept that at face value?” you challenge, an eyebrow arched skeptically in her direction.

“Yes, you are!” Wanda says firmly. “Because it's the truth. I wouldn't lie to you.”

I wouldn't lie to you. Her words reverberate within your skull, playing on repeat like a broken record.

And that's the crux of it, isn't it? You're not sure whether you can still believe her.

“Y/N, please,” Wanda's plea rings out, sounding lost and desperate. She isn't even certain what she's asking for. What she does know is that you're teetering on the edge of a breakdown, still reeling from the pain of your breakup. 

You don’t look like you’re in the right mindset to talk about what you’re going through. About how you both left things. And as much as Wanda wants to figure this out with you, she can’t do anything if you’re not willing to trust her.

“Wouldn’t lie to me?” you repeat, your voice laced with sarcasm and a painful sort of humor. “Alright, let's put that to the test, shall we?”

Wanda's throat tightens. She's unsure where you're heading with this.

“Yelena and I broke up. She left me that same morning,” you start off casually, as if discussing the weather. “Because she deserved better. Because I am, as it turns out, selfish and deceitful, right?”

“No–”

“You said you wouldn’t lie to me.”

Wanda's mouth snaps shut at your words, a sense of finality creeping into her. “...yes,” she admits quietly.

Slowly, you advance towards Wanda, your steps intentional and calculated. She remains rooted in her spot, refusing to back down.

“Do you feel happy that Yelena and I have broken up?” you ask.

Wanda looks hurt by your question. "Y/N, no, of course not–”

Your stoic expression tells her you're not buying it.

“Do you regret our kiss?” you probe, stepping closer, until Wanda finds herself backed against the wall. You lean in, foreheads almost touching, your dark eyes daring her to lie to you.

Wanda takes her time to answer, but when she finally does, her expression is resolute, as though she's trying to prove a point to you. “No, I don’t regret it,” she murmurs, her words a mere breath against your lips. Wanda looks so taken by the hungry look in your eyes that she fails to see what comes next.

The kiss this time is a stark contrast from the last. There’s an edge of danger to it, almost like the kiss that started Wanda’s downfall that culminated in a near-death experience, the kiss that was punishing and every bit of the hatred you harbored for her. 

But there's also a desperation to it–as if you're sinking and this kiss is your lifeline; a frayed, ragged lifeline that could only be the one to pull you back to the surface. 

As Wanda's head hits the wall with a soft thud, a pang of concern breaks through the haze of your fervor. Swiftly, you slide your hand between her head and the hard concrete, cushioning her as the urgency of your kiss escalates. Wanda almost sobs at the subtle tenderness behind your action, the considerate gesture leaving her somewhat taken aback, considering the harsh exchange you'd had just moments before.

No, this is nothing like your previous encounter.

You're not biting down to break skin. Your fingers aren't pressing into her hips hard enough to leave bruises. Your tongue isn't demanding or invasive, it's simply there, matching her rhythm and intensity. Wanda is unable to do anything but moan under you and rub her thighs together to relieve the pressure that’s building there.

Yet, you still don’t let her touch you. You don’t let her fingers venture up your stomach from under your shirt. Instead, you catch her hands, lacing your fingers through hers, and pull her arms above her head. All the while, your lips deftly trace a path down her throat. It’s soft and wet and so utterly delicate–everything Wanda thinks she hasn’t earned.

Nothing prepares her for the moment your hand makes contact with her core, even through the fabric of her shorts. She realizes just how much you’ve been holding back when you cup her forcefully, groaning from the heat and dampness that hits your palm.

If this means what Wanda thinks it means, she doesn’t want it to happen against the wall of her living room.

“Y/N?” she whispers raggedly in your ear, feeling the heel of your hand starting to grind against her clit. 

“Yeah…?” you moan against her heated cheek as your fingers slips beneath her panties and find wet, wiry curls.

“Fuck–” Wanda whimpers at the contact. “B-Bedroom, please.”

Following her lead, you hoist Wanda up and her legs instinctively coil around your waist. She directs you towards her bedroom with verbal cues, realizing you're far too engrossed in lavishing attention on the skin just above her breasts to care about bumping into furniture. Your hand drifts up her back, finding the clasp of her bra and skillfully unfastening it.

And then no words are spoken at all after that.

***

Wanda stirs awake near noon, realizing that she's skipped her therapy appointment. Instinctively, her hands reach out to the area beside her, expecting to feel your warmth. However, she is greeted only by the cool sheets of the bed, the space vacant.

You're gone.

While she had been lost in dreams where she had a second chance at the life she yearned to have with you, you had quietly dressed and slipped out of her apartment, leaving no trace or note behind. You had vanished as silently and swiftly as a dream at daybreak.

Wanda arches her back, mimicking the languid stretch of a cat, the resulting pops of her spine easing the tension more than the action itself. The sex was… phenomenal. She couldn’t think of a better word to describe it.

When a bit of the afterglow wears off, she is haunted by a question: What happens now?

More importantly, are you coming back? Or is this a one-time thing for you?

With a weighty sigh, Wanda allows herself to collapse back onto the mattress. Doubt creeps in as she begins to question whether her decision to let this unfold was the right one. After all, you’ve both been down this path before, sex was not a magic remedy that mended everything. 

What she couldn’t deny, however, is how gentle you were with her. You were making love to her, and nothing could sway Wanda from this belief. It sparks a tiny ray of hope within her that perhaps this time, you're ready to give her another chance.

Maybe, just maybe, you're open to trying again.

Yet, the vacant space next to her feels almost accusatory. Wanda has never been fond of waiting. But it’s the only thing she can do for now.

After all, beggars can’t be choosers.

***

The call from her therapist comes at around nine in the evening. Wanda considers it a little unprofessional, given the late hour, but she supposes that Calliope sees at least a dozen patients a day. Truthfully, she’s been anticipating this call all day, especially after she deliberately skipped her session to–

A soft snore escapes from your half-open mouth, drawing Wanda’s attention momentarily.

–spend time with you. Wanda can’t explain it, but she’s afraid to bring this up to Calliope. And she knows that if she sees Calliope or talks to her, it would open the floodgates and everything will come rushing out before she can stop them.

She's missed two calls now, but the phone in her hand vibrates again and Calliope’s name stares back at her.

Taking a deep breath, Wanda finally picks up.

“Hello, Wanda?”

“Hi,” Wanda replies, aiming to sound cheerful.

Calliope wastes no time getting to the purpose of this call. “You missed this morning’s session. Did something happen?”

Wanda's gaze drifts to you, sleeping soundly, your hair a mess as it spreads out in every direction. The sheets have slid down, exposing your bare back in a manner that makes her want to abandon the call and join you.

“Oh, uh... I just got tied up at the cafe. Sorry for not informing your secretary,” she hastily lies.

“So, everything's okay then?”

“Yes,” Wanda confirms, her eyes never leaving you as she replies honestly this time. Calliope seems satisfied with that and proceeds to book a slot for Wanda two days hence before ending the call.

You open an eye at her lazily, your voice muffled by the pillow as you ask, “Who was it?”

“No one,” Wanda says without batting an eye. “Just a supplier for the coffee shop.”

Your response is a drowsy murmur, your face sinking deeper into the pillow as you pursue the lingering traces of Wanda's scent. A smile tugs at Wanda's lips at the innocence of the gesture, despite the fact that you’re very naked under the covers. She hadn’t anticipated she’d see you again so soon, moreso that she’d sleep with you again right away when she does. But you had showed up unannounced, yet again, and casually asked Wanda if she'd eaten dinner already. Wanda had barely gotten the word ‘yes’ out, before you’re urgently reaching out and snatching her into a hungry kiss.

And then it was all lips and touches and her coming into your mouth three times until she had to literally cover herself with her hand just to get you to stop. 

Wanda's cheeks warm as she surrenders to the memory of your fervent reunion from only a few hours prior, but your sleep-laden murmurings, muffled as they are by the pillow your face is buried in, yank her back to the present. She chuckles lightly and perches herself at the edge of the bed, drawing a line along your back with her fingertips, raising goosebumps along the path.

"Can you repeat that?" she prompts, massaging your neck.

You lift your head slightly, your eyelids still heavy with sleep. “I said–do you need me to go?”

Wanda shakes her head, even though you can't see her. “Let’s just sleep,” she whispers.

Wanda gets up to remove her shirt over her head. Then, she slides back under the sheets and curls up against you. She presses her bare body to your back, fitting herself perfectly against your shape. Your warmth seeps into her, filling the cold spots that your absence had left behind.

Wanda notes that this is the first time you’re willing to stay since before you found out she cheated on you. She closes her eyes and allows herself to drift away. If you’re staying, then there's an opportunity to talk about this tomorrow.

***

Leaving a slumbering Wanda behind is not easy. You have to gingerly disentangle yourself from her grip to avoid waking her up. Initially, sleeping with Wanda was not part of your plan, but seeing her with Valkyrie had stirred a sense of jealousy within you that led to a powerful desire to claim Wanda as yours.

And so it kept happening, again and again–like a drug you just couldn't shake off.

You haven't really thought about what it all means. To be honest, you've been actively avoiding it. A week of overthinking has left you stuck at a dead-end, feeling numb and desperate to feel something, anything at all.

And in all this, Wanda is the only one who seems to fill the void, the only one who doesn't make you feel so alone.

***

“Dr. Williams?” Pietro says hesitantly as he picks up the call.

“Hi, Pietro. I hope I'm not catching you at a bad time,” comes Calliope's voice, clear and loud.

“No, I was just–did we have a scheduled meeting that slipped my mind?” he inquires, wondering about the suddenness of this call. 

“We didn't,” Calliope assures him. “I'm actually calling about Wanda. Have you had a chance to speak with her recently?”

Pietro doesn’t like the sound of this. “No, I haven’t. Is she okay?”

“She missed her appointment this morning without notice. It’s the second time in a row. And I just got off the phone with her… she was deflective.”

“I'll check in with her,” Pietro promptly assures, before adding more softly, “Should I be worried?”

“She has agreed to meet me on Tuesday,” Calliope replies, deftly skirting around his question. “So, it may not be a pressing matter. I apologize for disturbing you.”

“No problem at all, Dr. Williams. Feel free to call anytime.”

As the call ends, Pietro is left alone with his thoughts. His mind is whirring with worry for Wanda, and he sits there for a moment, lost in thought. With a sigh, he places his phone back on the coffee table, a frown etching itself onto his face.

Feeling restless, he picks up his phone again, fingers swiping the screen with a certain degree of nervousness. His gallery opens up, a collection of countless memories frozen in pixels. He scrolls through it, stopping at a particular picture that still haunts him.

It's a hard image to look at, a memory of a particularly painful day. But he keeps it, just in case he needs it, a ghost hiding in his phone.

He knows, if push comes to shove, he has this to fall back on.

Taglist: @blackluthxr | @esposadejoyhuerta | @secretbackrooms | @justgotlizzied , @casquinhaa | @marvelwomen-simp | @sunsol-22 | @wandanatlov3r | @kyaraderuwez | @justyourwritter69 | @stanolsevans | @aliherreraaa | @diaryoflife| @justagurlwholikes | @lizziesplant | @cowxpoke | @sokovianbaby | @swiftie1-0-1

[shadowsxgwynriel]

Day 3: Priestess

@gwynweekofficial

This is a short drabble about one of the children from Sangravah coming to visit Gwyn.

Word Count: 568

Gwyn walked over to Clotho’s desk. “You wanted to see me?”

Clotho nodded her hooded head, and her enchanted pen moved in the air, There’s someone that wants to see you.

“Who?” Gwyn asked. It couldn’t have been Nesta or Emerie, because they would have just looked around until they found her.

One of the children.

She froze, knowing exactly what Clotho meant. One of the children from Sangravah was here to see her. Gwyn quickly blocked out the horrors of that night.

“I don’t . . . I have work to do for Merrill,” Gwyn stated.

The pen moved again. It wrote, You’re afraid. Why?

“I’m not. I really do have to help Merrill with something.”

Clotho was observant and rarely ever missed a thing. Should I send the child away, then?

Guilt and shame filled her. One of the children had gathered the courage to come here, and Gwyn was too busy letting her own fears hold her back.

“No,” she said, straightening her shoulders. “Where are they?”

Clotho angled her head to the left. Over there. And Gwyneth?

“Yes?”

Don’t let whatever you’re worried about keep you from hearing what the child wants to say. You deserve to be happy, Gwyneth. Remember that.

Her chest tightened, but she only nodded and hurried away.

She found the young girl—one of the older children from that night—standing by a stack of books that needed to be shelved.

And to her surprise, the Shadowsinger was also there.

He stood off to the side. She figured that he had been the one to bring the girl here.

His shadows were wreathed on his shoulders. Gwyn could sense them peering at her, and she couldn’t help but smile at their curiosity.

Azriel scanned her face with keen eyes. What he was looking for, Gwyn had no clue, but obviously he found it, because his body relaxed and he disappeared further into his shadows, giving them privacy.

Gwyn faced the girl, who was probably around fifteen now. And even though she was a few years older than the last time they had seen each other, Gwyn still recognized her. “Hello, Alina. How are you?”

Alina smiled shyly. “You remember me?”

“Of course I do.” Gwyn tried not to fidget under Alina’s watchful gaze. “What, uh, brings you down here?”

Alina shifted closer, eyes shining bright with emotion. “I never got the chance to thank you for saving me, for saving all of us, that night.”

The Invoking Stone seemed to burn inside of her pocket. “You don’t have to—“ Clotho’s written words flashed through her mind. Don’t let whatever you’re worried about keep you from hearing what the child wants to say. She was just right. Even if Gwyn still felt unworthy of any gratitude, Alina deserved the chance to at least be heard.

A slender body suddenly wrapped around her, and Gwyn returned the hug in stunned silence. “Thank you. We survived because of you. I hope that when I’m older, I can be as brave and kind and selfless as you are.” Alina’s body shook. “Thank you,” she repeated once more, her voice thick with emotion.

Gwyn searched for words, but couldn’t find any. Her eyes burned and a single tear slid down her cheek. She ignored it and continued to embrace Alina.

In that moment, Gwyn could have sworn that a part of her soul was starting to heal.

[nathanbatemanfucker]

In Plain Sight: Tiana

summary: nathan does his best to support you.

pairing: nathan bateman x f!reader, f!reader’s mother (Tiana)

contents: this entire series is 18+, sick parent, parent death, grief, panic attacks, existential crisis, support!nathan

wc: 1,360

an: this one is a bit heavy so do heed the warnings. we also jump around in the timeline so it is important to have read previous parts or it won’t make much sense. be gentle with yourselves on this one

in plain sight masterlist | TIONB | planted | little hamlet

3 Weeks before To Atomize*

The day you told your mother about Nathan was one of her last good days. Many, many bad days came after. Celia— her nurse— sent you the usual report before you left to go home. It said that your mother had slept most of the day and gotten a burst of energy.

When you got home that day, she was propped up, watching some soap opera with mild interest. Seeing her genuine smile when you walked through the door had made your heart flutter.

You made her favorite tea, and brought a book to read though you really had wanted to talk to her, not at her. With working, taking care of your sisters, and her health you found that you didn’t get to do that much anymore. Talk with your mother, hearing her thoughts and opinions, her praises and suggestions. Feeling her intentional love. You crave it.

“Have you told your sisters?”

“No— I will. I wanted to tell you first.”

Her brows raise and teasingly she murmurs, “You’re serious about him.”

“I am,” You say through a laugh.

Her smile is so warm, like the sun, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “You love him.”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“But you could?”

“I could.”

“Don’t be afraid to.”

“That’s easier said than done, mama.”

She sighs patiently, shifting more on her side so that she can look directly at you, “Does he love you?”

You grow warm under her serious gaze. You don’t particularly like thinking about Nathan feeling more deeply for you. He’s assured you that he’s in this for the long haul— that he’s ‘spoken for’ but words and actions are very different things. He hasn’t done anything to show he words aren’t true…yet. “I think so. He acts like it.”

“Then let him.”

“Mama—“

“When you find a man that treats you the way you’re meant to be treated, you can’t be scared, darling.”

“But it’s scary.”

“You’ve done so many scary things in your life. You’ve watched my health fluctuate with a brave face. You’ve raised those girls out there. And now you’re on the cusp of falling in love. A beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. Everything will work out how it’s meant to.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not. Isn’t that more reason to grasp it while you can?”

“I don’t know mama, this is all so existential.”

“Promise me something.”

“Anything, mama.”

“Promise me you won’t waste the time. If you want him, if you love him, then don’t waste any time. When the time comes, let yourself as openly and honestly as you possible can. Promise me?”

“I promise.”

—

Present Day (5 months after Family Dinner)

“Honey?”

Nathan’s voice pulls you out of the haze that you seem to always be slipping into now that your mother is gone. It’s hard, not wanting to escape into memories so that it feels like she’s here.

You give him a wane smile, “Hey.”

“I’ve been calling you,” He says softly, sliding onto the couch beside you.

You sigh, shaking your head a little as if that’ll clear the fog, a task that you imagine will take years. “Sorry, I’m just…”

“I know, sweetheart. It’s alright,” He assures you, draping an arm behind you on the couch. His brows are pinched with worry— an emotion you’re still trying to get used to seeing on his face.

You sit up on the edge of the couch abruptly, looking around. Where’s your phone? Your laptop? “Wait, what time is it?”

“Almost 4.”

“I wasted my entire day here?”

“You didn’t waste it. You said you wanted some space, I gave it to you.”

“But this is the only day of the week that I stay this long anymore. You didn’t have to give me that much space.”

“There’s next week and the week after that…and the week after that. I could keep going but I hope you’re understanding our situation here,” He teases gently, running his hand over your back.

You lean out of his comforting touch, feeling guilty. “It’s not, I should be cherishing my time with you. Who knows when—“

He cuts you off immediately. He’s had this conversation with you multiple times since your mother’s passing. He doesn’t want you to focus on him— but on yourself and your sisters, on getting you all through this. “Hey, uh uh, don’t do that. Don’t go there.”

You’re already there. You’ve been there for weeks now. All you can think about is life slipping out of your grasp. Of not having the words or the feelings to make the time dwindling in front of you feel like it's enough. Your chest feels tight, and you scoot further away from him trying to keep yourself centered. Its futile attempt, everything’s all out of whack, you can’t find your balance, your emotions sway and crash around you unpredictably like the waves of a seastorm.

“But, it’s true. I could lose you today or tomorrow. I could lose you right now, you could have some fucked up brain vessel or something. You could choke o-or fall o-or– and Philippa, Emma–”

He cups your hands in his chest, brown eyes soft and desperate as he tries to calm you down. “Honey. I need you to take it down a notch and breathe, you’re gonna give yourself a panic attack.”

“I don’t— I can’t—“ You gulp frantically, feeling your breath grow shallow.

“She was sick,” He whispers, pulling you flush to his chest. “She was sick, sweetheart, there was nothing to be done. I’m healthy, I’m here— so are your sisters. We can get them check ups every month, get them checked out by oncologists as much as you want. Whatever you need to make you feel alright.”

“I feel like I’m going insane. How can having less to do and worry about make me insane?” You say through tears.

Nathan hates seeing you like this. He’s never hated anything more than seeing you in pain. He wishes he could take it away— he would do anything, pay any amount of money, invent any program if it meant that you could have some reprieve.

“Stop. You’re not insane, you’re grieving. Studies say there’s no right way— trust me I’ve looked high and fucking low for a methodology— but you’ve gotta take it as it comes, sweetheart. I’ll be here, right beside you the whole time.”

You’re quiet for a long time, letting Nathan hold you. He rocks you side to side, brushing soft, tickling kisses across your temple and forehead. You focus on the rise and fall of his chest, allowing your breathing to mimic his own. He’s warm and solid against you. He’s right here. Living and breathing and talking right beside you. He’s right here.

Finally you say, “I don’t want to take it as it comes. I want to feel okay again.”

“If I could make it so baby, I would,” He whispers, squeezing you a little tighter.

“I know. I’m sorry. Thank you Nathan.”

He cups your face, guiding your gaze to his own– its unyielding and firm. No nonsense. “You don’t apologize to me, alright? Ever.

He’s been more like that since your mom’s passing. More directive and firm, guiding and caring for you in ways that were necessary before. It’s exactly what you need right now. And sometimes, it has those butterflies settling in your stomach and heat simmering in your veins.

You refocus on him where your gaze had gone a little blurry. “Not even if I accidentally knee you in the nuts?”

Nathan pretends to consider your ridiculous question. “I shouldn’t have had my nuts where your knees are.”

“You may be the closest specimen to a perfect man.”

“I mean it honey, don’t apologize to me for this. I won’t accept it and I’ll yell you every single time.”

You raise a brow at him, “Yell?”

“Yell.”

“You’ve never yelled at me, not even when you were just my boss.”

“Maybe I’m exaggerating,” He allows, grinning at you mischievously.

“You are.”

“Maybe I’m not.”

“Trying to keep me guessing?”

He presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, and then another and another, addicted. “Always, baby.”

nathan taglist: @missdictatorme, @hon3yboy, @runa-falls, @campingwiththecharmings, @toracainz, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, @jdbxws, @crispysublimecupcake, @sub-aro, @faretheeoscar, @cupidysm, @whentheskyispinkandabitblue, @nova-ivy541, @sparkypantelones, @veritable-trash, @mangoslushcrush, @thhriller, @tenderhornynihilist, @queerponcho, @redcake333

[papercorgiworld]

As the world caves in

To keep you safe Mattheo has to make a hard breaking decision. Everyone is suffering in this story and at the end you can chose for maximum pain or a happy ending, where love conquers all.

Mattheo x reader – Enzo x Ella (cameo) – Tom x Lyn (cameo)

Credit to this request about the song “As the world caves in” and this anon who sent in “Less and less”. I managed to squeeze in Mattheo, Tom and Enzo, but no Theo.

For maximum angst listen to Matt Maltese songs. Look, I blame these songs for what I wrote, I'm normally not that much of an angst person. I seriously had a tear roll down my cheek at some point. I added a lot of picture to make sure you know exactly how broken everyone is in this story. I would like to say happy readings, but it's more like sad readings this time, but there's also some fluff, so yeah, I hope you like it.

Important note: in this story only the caster of the memory charm, obliviate, can undo it. Also the lore concerning this charm and the one to implant false memories is confusing so don’t break your brain over it. 

I. We’ll be fine

You carefully close the door behind you and the painting winks at you, reassuring you that your secret is safe. Quietly you check around the corner to make sure none of the disciplinary guards are around. Your heart pounds as you watch every shadow move afraid of getting caught. You see madam Pomfrey secretly signal you to stay put and you press your back against the stone cold walls of Hogwarts as Snape and his minions leave. You listen to the steps fading away and then look around to see if they’re really gone, before crossing the hall. Madam Pomfrey quickly closes the door behind you. “Did you manage to get the ingredients?” She asks with an urgent but hushed voice and you nod, handing her a bag filled with all things necessary for potions that ease pain. You’re scanning the hospital beds. There are  innocent first years that suffered the Cruciatus curse as part of education. There are rebellious students with painful injuries. There are crying students covered in blood, simply because they were punished for being late to dinner. You’re shocked when suddenly Pomfrey wraps her arms around you and embraces you. “Thank you.” It takes a moment for you to adjust to the hug, but quickly enough you enjoy her warmth. It’s only then that you realise that you probably both needed it more than you knew. When she pulls away she looks at you with a brave face. “Thank you so much.” You smile, happy you helped. “Now hurry, go to your dorm and be careful.” You nod. “Be safe.” She whispers again and you smile before quietly closing the door.

Hogwarts looked so miserable now that the death eaters were in charge. You couldn’t help but feel haunted by the suffocating fear that spread through the castle. Even though you had done this many times before, you were still terrified of getting caught. Quietly and crouched down you move from statue to wall to staircase. Unfortunately, a foul smirking death eater caught your sneaking figure. “What have we here?” Instantly you feel your body being levitated as he comes into view. “Two hours late. You know what that means right.” Your heart races and your body tenses. “Cruciatus curse. Four times.” You struggle to escape the spell keeping you in the air, but to no avail and you watch him raise his wand. “Leave her.” You feel tears well up as you recognise Mattheo’s voice. “I asked her to meet me.” Mattheo says with a cold stern voice, not looking at you. You fall down hard, but Mattheo still keeps his gaze away from you. You look down at the cold tiles and again listen to the footsteps move away. Only when Mattheo is sure no one is watching he looks at you and you look at him. Slowly he walks over to you, kneeling by your side and wrapping his arm around you to help you get up. “I’m okay, Matt.” You whisper, but he’s far from convinced. 

In silence he brings you to his room, near the slytherin common room. You still needed to get used to it, Mattheo having his own private room, separate from all other students. The room was cold and dimly lit. Mattheo struggled to make the new place his own and for some reason the room ended up reflecting his emotional suffering. Once you’re seated on one of the couches he kneels in front of you studying your face as he tucks a few strands of hair away. “Really Matt, I’m fine. You were just in time to save me.” You try to reassure him with a sweet smile, but he doesn’t want to hear it. He can see you’re exhausted from the stress, worries and secrecy. “I want you to stop helping them.” Mattheo whispers, eyes focused on yours. A slow breath leaves you as you empathise with him. You were worried about him all the time and you understood that every time you took a risk he probably suffered until he was sure you were safe. “Matt…” You start, but the tone of your voice already hints at a negative answer making Mattheo turn away from you. “I can’t take it anymore. It’s too dangerous. There are death eaters that are suspecting things and- I can’t- you can’t get hurt.” Your boyfriend looks back to you, but instead of meeting his eyes your frowning gaze is focused on a bruise near his jaw and neck. Your hands reach, but Mattheo immediately grabs your hand softly squeezing it and he looks so vulnerable in that moment.

Your heart ached as you realised that Mattheo probably suffered another ridiculous punishment from his father. “Let me heal you.” You whisper, when Mattheo allows your fingers to brush his injury. He rests his hand on yours. “No, it needs to stay for a few days. He wants it to be a reminder.” Your heart breaks at the pain in his voice. The abuse he suffered seemed to be worse than a simple Cruciatus curse and Mattheo knew you were feeling his pain by the way lips parted and your eyes shone with horror. He pushed himself up, joining you on the couch and leaning in to rest his head against yours. “We’ll be fine.” He whispers and you smile. “I know. No one can break us.” His parted lips search for yours and you meet in a tender kiss. His hand finds your cheek as the kiss becomes more passionate. 

II. Tonight we are brave

Enzo unfolded a little snake folded paper that had made its way to his dorm. Ella watches him and feels her heartbeat quicken, but when Enzo’s eyes meet hers, her heart skips a beat. Tonight? “Mattheo wants us to leave tonight.” Enzo affirms her suspicion and Ella nods with a clenched jaw and brave eyes. When Enzo gets up to start gathering their stuff, so does she, but when he notices her unsteady figure he walks over to her. Ella’s eyes stare deep into her boyfriend’s eyes and he smiles at her, recognizing her fear and bravery despite it, kissing her forehead as a silent way of telling her that all will be alright. “Enzo, I’m terrified of what Voldomort will do if he finds us.” He stares at her, seeing the fear not just in her eyes, but in her whole body. 

It was heartbreaking, but they had no choice. Sooner or later Voldemort would find out about what the lot of them had done. How they had helped students escape. How they had informed Harry Potter and his friends about everything going on at the death eater table. How they had countless muggle borns in hiding all over the country. All they had been waiting for these past few days was Mattheo’s call so they could take you with them. You were too involved, you had to go into hiding.

“We have to be brave, sweetie. So we can stay together. So everyone has a fighting chance.” Enzo says with a determined voice. Ella wraps her arms around Enzo’s neck and slowly his hands move to her back, holding her close and squeezing her tight as a reminder that he wouldn’t let her go.

III. goodbye my love

Was it horrible or wonderful that the last moments you spent together were unknowing and in intimate love? Mattheo lay next to your sleeping figure, his fingers featherlight as they brush your soft skin. You are so beautiful. So perfect and pure. I hope you can forgive me, because if I live I need you to forgive me. I need you to understand that what I do, everything I do, is because I love you and I want to be loved by you. Mattheo closes his eyes as he breaks his own heart and goes through with his own plan, reaching for his wand. He casts a spell to make sure you continue sleeping for a few more hours. With a clenched jaw he watches you and swallows, not allowing tears to well up and gritting his teeth as he casts another spell. Obliviate.

Sitting at the edge of the bed Mattheo tries to take a mental picture of you, not knowing how long you will be away, not knowing if you’ll ever see one another again. A knock at the door makes his dead eyes look up, before unlocking the door with one flick of his wrist. Ella gives Mattheo a sympathetic smile as she enters the room. “Enzo’s preparing the carriage.” There’s a silence and Ella can’t help but feel like there’s no air in the room. Without saying anything Mattheo lifts you from the bed to bring his sleeping loved one to a carriage that will take her away, somewhere she can’t be found.

Ella crawls next to you in the carriage, wrapping a blanket around the both of you. Enzo sighs and walks over to Mattheo who forces his eyes away from you for the first time since this evening. “I know it’s risky, but you can still come. It’s worth the fight.” Mattheo's dead eyes meet Enzo’s and there’s a silence. “I’m not risking her life just to spend a few more days with her while being hunted down.” Enzo opens his mouth, but Mattheo shakes his head and stops him. “No, don’t. I can’t be selfish with her. Go.” Enzo swallows and gives his friend a curt nod. “She’ll be safe.” 

It strikes midnight and Mattheo watches the carriage in the distance until it turns invisible. He doesn’t want to feel the pain and holds his breath as he dissociates from the moment, hiding somewhere in his own mind. 

You’re safe and you’ll live and that’s all that matters. 

You’re strong and you’ll find happiness and that is all that matters.

IV. No light in this life

Like an empty vessel Mattheo moves through the hallways in the direction of his room. That last spark of magic in the castle had disappeared with you. When Mattheo nears the last staircase he spots the frame of his brother at the top of the stairs. “You send her away.” Tom’s voice is monotone as he watches his younger sibling look up at him. In silence and with his head down Mattheo moves up the staircase, his brother’s gaze locked on him. When he arrives at the top, he still doesn’t look at Tom, but he does nod. “Father will notice.” Tom warns, voice cold. Mattheo’s jaw twitches in anger with his brother. “He won't, she's just another student that escaped his tyranny.” Tom raises his eyebrows at the slightly harsh tone. Mattheo takes two steps in the direction of his room, before turning around to his brother. “If our father ever finds out about her I promise you, I’ll make you live for an eternity, knowing that you are the reason I killed the love of your life, because I swear I’ll destroy that little happiness you possess in your miserable life if-” Tom bites back hard. “Don’t worry little brother as far as I’m concerned you never loved anyone and no one ever loved you.” As horrible as it sounded Mattheo knew it was his brother's way of reassuring him in his own twisted way that their father would never know about you. Mattheo nods and turns around with haste. Tom watches him leave and even when he’s gone he continues staring. With you gone Tom had lost his brother.

That night Tom is more quiet than usual, but that isn’t odd these days. It’s his gentle eyes watching her that make Lyn get up and walk over to him, kneeling down and cupping his cheeks, forcing his eyes to meet her. A single tear runs down Tom’s cheek. “I regret bringing him back.” Tom whispers with a hoarse voice. “I never meant for any of this to happen.” His voice finally cracks and he turns his face away from Lyn, but she won’t have it, forcing him to meet her eyes once more as tears roll down his cheeks. “I know.” Is all she whispers before embarrassing him. When it’s all over, we’ll leave… leave it all behind.

Wind gushes against the window and Tom rests his head on Lyn’s shoulder as he watches the miserable weather outside. Mattheo feels that same wind through his hair as he stands at the astronomy tower holding a cigarette and staring into nothing, wishing he could turn it off, all those feelings. Only having the thought of ever seeing you again, one day, maybe, as a beacon of light to keep on surviving whatever is coming.

V. All that matters

There are two endings. For maximum angst: choose the second one (I’m not responsible for the sadness you will feel afterwards). For more fluff and happiness: pick the first one. 

The 🥹🥰 version

Every night you dream of Hogwarts. There’s music in the great hall and a man, who asks you to dance with him. You gracefully take his hand and as sad as the music is you feel happy in his arms. When a harsh gust of wind startles you both, you look at him and say “We’ll be fine. No one can break us.”. Then you always wake up and you feel empty as you stare around your room, looking for him. Who are you? This night had been no different, but the morning was as you heard your friends argue in the kitchen. 

“No, I promised Mattheo to keep her safe.” Enzo whispers, but it’s a loud and tense whisper. Mattheo? Your heart swells at the name and you don’t understand why. “Luna’s letter says the battle is happening. They need help.” Ella whispers with pleading eyes as she moves closer to her boyfriend. “Why don’t you both stay here and I’ll go.” Enzo says embracing Ella and resting his head against hers. “You promised you wouldn’t do what Matt did, we would stay together through it all.” Ella whispers as she pulls away, her eyes meeting Enzo’s fearful ones. “I wanna fight and I want to meet him, this Mattheo person.” Your voice is hesitant and your friends stare at you standing in the door opening of your room. Enzo squeezes Ella a little closer and sighs, but Ella just smiles at you. No arguing with a girl in love.

The battle at Hogwarts was won and Lyn runs to you, hugging you tightly. “I’m so glad you're safe.” You hug back and see a familiar figure come into view, but there’s something about him you can’t remember and you can’t help but frown. “He’s at Malfoy manor.” Tom says and you instantly know he’s talking about this Mattheo person, the one you’re looking for, the one you need to find without knowing why. “He’s locked up, but he’s alright. Well, he’s alive. Wasn’t easy convincing my father to let him live.” You feel your heart race and Lyn lets go of you. “Tell my brother… tell him I’m sorry.” Tom whispers and Lyn reaches for his hand and smiles at you. You remember enough to know that they have to leave and nod. “I’ll find him.” You say and an amused half smile tugs on Tom’s lip. “No doubt.” Gently squeezing hands, the couple apparates, leaving you determined to find Mattheo, still not sure who he is to you.

Though the battle at Hogwarts had ended, there was still resistance at Malfoy manor. When you arrive with Ella and Enzo you immediately need to cast a protection spell. When one of the spells hits Ella, making her stumble and fall, Enzo answers with a devastating spell blasting down the death eater and the wall behind him. The other enemy is left staring at the three of you in shock and Enzo raises his wand with determination. “I’m marrying that one so don’t think about casting another spell.” After a second of consideration the last death eater apparates and Ella turns to Enzo looking impressed. “What? You thought I was all looks and no fight?” Enzo quips with a cheeky smile and Ella chuckles. “Marrying me?” She asks, not being able to contain her bright smile. Enzo nods, realising he spilled his secret plans.

You interrupt their kiss before it turns into a make out session. “Hello! I would still like to find the moron who made me forget who he is, but I still keep on dreaming about.” It still surprises both Enzo and Ella that your love for Mattheo had not only found a loophole to the obliviate charm, but also continued to feed your determination to find a man you could not remember. 

Mattheo had heard a lot of commotion outside and his bruised and tortured body couldn’t help but flinch in pain at the thought of what was going on. He stares at the locked door of his room, focussed and mentally preparing for whatever is coming his way now. When the door forcefully swings open he clenches his jaw and for several seconds his worn out eyes stare at you emotionless. Your eyes scan Mattheo and you so desperately try to remember anything about him as you know for sure you know him. “(y/n).” He whispers, still tense but eyes softening. For a second you search for words, but then you decide that it’s pointless and run towards him. Your arms wrap around his neck and you close your eyes. Your soul was finally at peace. You had found what you were missing all these months. Mattheo struggles to breath as his lungs seem to fill with air for the first time since he sent you away. He feels warmth again. His vision seems to change as his mind finally clears. When he hears soft sobs coming from you his hands finally move and he holds you, stroking your back before wrapping his arms around you and pressing your body against his, needing all of you to even believe that it is really you.

“I want to remember.” You whisper in between sobs and Mattheo’s body relaxes at the sound of your voice. You pull away a little so you can study his face, adoring his eyes and brushing over the fresh scars on his face. Mattheo hesitates to undo it because he’s scared of having that happiness back. You see the fear in his eyes grow as he takes in every piece of you. “What are you afraid of?” You whisper. Mattheo stares deep into your eyes and he can’t help but be honest. “Love.” You chuckle and give him a warm smile. “I love you already and I know I’ll continue to do so, whether I remember or not, I know I’ll love you forever.” You reach for the wand you had found earlier, knowing it belonged to him. “It’s over. We won. It’s okay. They didn’t break us.” Mattheo’s hand wraps around yours, holding his wand. His lips crash onto your soft ones and you can feel his tears against your cheeks. His other hand holds the back of your head as his forehead rests on yours, eyes drowning in one another. 

You hear a soft whisper and then all memories start flooding back. The quidditch games. The late nights at the astronomy tower. The yule ball. Laughing in the hallway. Winks and smirks during class. Intense study sessions. Sweet, messy nights together that had you wishing they would never end. And that last evening together.

The 😭😢 version

It’s chilly, but the sun is shining and radiates a gentle warmth. Tom stops, taking in a deep breath and Lyn squeezes his hand, encouraging him. While Lyn watches him Tom approaches you sitting on a bench, enjoying the sun while reading. He smiles and there’s so much going on in his eyes, too much for one soul to bare. “Good book.” Tom starts and you look up, giving the stranger a polite smile. “Mind if I tell you an even better story?” You look confused at the man in front of you and the reason you say yes is mostly out of politeness. “It’s about selfless and unconditional love.” Tom explains as he sits down next to you. “Oh, I would love to hear about that.” A genuine relief fills Tom’s eyes as he can sit down next to you. “It’s about some extraordinary people, Enzo and Ella, and… my brother, Mattheo, who loved a girl named (y/n).” A chuckle leaves your lips. “That’s my name as well.” Tom's eyes get glassy as he watches you. I know, but how I wish you knew his name.

Suddenly your chuckle falls and you look away. “Matt! Be careful!” Tom’s eyes snap in the direction you were looking. Tom’s eyes meet brown ones, unmistakably his brother’s… and the kid smiles at Tom. “Matt?” Tom whispers as his nephew approaches him.

Word count: 3497

Feedback is always welcome.

[bihansthot]

Hello 👋 😃

May I ask for a request for Smoke?

Drunk fem!reader tells Smoke that she has a huge crush on him.

How would he react?

You giggle and reach for your drink, your cheeks feel hot and you can’t tell if it’s because of the alcohol or because of your company. You’re out with your crush and his older brothers, you had known the three of them since childhood and often saw them when they came to your father’s store for supplies. You couldn’t begin to remember how long you had had a crush on the silver-haired hunk, easily since you were 7 maybe 8 but you never had the courage to confess to him. You feel brave tonight, you have your girls with you and the alcohol you’ve been consuming all night seems to make this doable finally. Your bestie gives you an encouraging smile and nudges you not so subtly before whispering loudly, “tell him.”

“Tell who, what?” Bi-Han antagonistically chuckles, easily reading your body language, he knew you had a crush on his brother, he’d known for years. Hell everyone knew but Tomas himself, Tomas remained blissfully unaware.

“Brother don’t tease, if she’s not ready to say she’s not ready it’s not your place to say,” Kuai Liang chastises his older brother before draining his drink.

“T-Tomas, can I, can I talk to you for a minute,” you reply, ignoring Bi-Han’s childish teasing, “alone,” you add eyeing the balcony outside Madam Bo’s Tea House.

“Of course y/n,” Tomas replies, his cheeks colored with a hint of a blush as he stands up and accompanies you outside.

“10 bucks says she chickens out again,” Bi-Han turns to his table mates pressing the bill onto the table.

“I’ll take that,” one of your friends replies giggling wildly.

Thankfully the two of you are well out of earshot and you have no clue what they’re up to, you turn to the tall, well-built Czech and take a deep breath. “Tomas, I, I don’t know how to say this, I’ve tried so many times but I just never get the words right,” you hesitate, dancing around the proverbial elephant in the room.

“Let me guess, you have a crush on Bi-Han and want my help getting him to ask you out, right?” Tomas replies rather dejectedly, his shoulders slumping with the familiarity of the situation.

“Wha-what?! No!! Not at all! It’s you I have a crush on! It’s always been you, ever since I was a little girl I’ve been crazy about you!” You blurt everything out in a rush as you panic to try and get him to believe you.

His beautiful silver eyes light up and blink rapidly, “wait? Did you say it’s me you have a crush on? Not Bi-Han? Not Kuai Liang, it’s me you want? Me?” Tomas repeats over and over as if in complete disbelief.

“Yes! It’s you! I’m crazy for you! I just, well you never seem to notice me so I’ve been so afraid to tell you,” you look down at the floor, suddenly feeling small and self-conscious.

“Y/n this is the best! I’m crazy about you too, I just never said anything because I thought you liked Bi-Han!” He laughs and pulls you into a hug, it’s soft and warm and almost overwhelming.

You make a face, “Bi-Han? No way! He’s soooo arrogant, I can’t stand guys like him, besides Sol is in love with him, I only have eyes for you.” You tentatively wrap your arms around Smoke’s well-muscled body feeling light-headed and giddy.

Tomas tips your head up as he leans down and closes the distance between your lips. His lips are soft and gentle as he softly pries your mouth open and slips his tongue inside. Smoke’s hesitant tongue brushes against yours before curling pleasurably around yours.

You shake with a mixture of adrenaline and arousal as you finally share your first kiss with your longtime crush. You’re unsure what to do so you let him take the lead as he coaxes your head to the side so he can deepen the kiss. When he finally pulls away you’re left breathless and elated, “wow, I, wow, talk about a first kiss.”

“First of many I hope,” Tomas replies, cheeks flushed deeply.

“I’d like that,” you whisper shyly, still clinging to his flawless body.

“We should get back, they’ll be talking about us for sure,” Tomas starts as he reluctantly lets you go in favor of holding your hand.

“Yeah,” you reply too happy to care about your friends, you had finally confessed and he felt the same way, things couldn’t get better.

“You owe me $10 Bi-Han!” Sol shouts triumphantly as you and Smoke make your way back to the table hand in hand.

“Irritating little brat,” Bi-Han growls before reluctantly paying up, deep down though he’s happy for the two of you.

“Congratulations to the happy couple,” Kuai Liang chimes in raising his glass as you all take a shot of your baijiu.

The rest of the night is kind of a blur but you couldn’t care less, you finally got the man of your dreams.

[braidlottie]

it's classical, anyway.

pairing: mommy!lottie x inexperienced!transmasc!reader

summary: lottie takes you to buy your first sex toy.

tags: smut, nsfw, 18+ (minors dni), vibrator, reader is a little shy, but lottie is so soft with him :(, lubricant, cute nicknames for reader :3

word count: 1k

a/n: i figured out the custom coloring!! so thats Nice :]

title inspired by lotion by deftones

“we don’t have to do this if you’re not ready, honey.” lottie’s hand rubbed your knee as the two of you sat in the car in front of an adult toys shop not too far out of the city.

“but, i want to, mommy.” you were a little scared, but you’ve been wanting to take this step with lottie for a while now. lottie’s hand went to caress your burning cheek before giving it a small peck. “i wanna go in.”

the older woman nods, taking the car keys out of the ignition. “i’ll be right by you the whole time, baby, m’kay?”

you nod, mirroring her smile shyly.

***

the bell at the top of the door chimed when you and lottie entered the store, catching the ear of the worker at the front desk. she smiled, putting some boxes down behind the desk. “welcome in! is there anything i can help you two with?”

lottie smiled back, walking up to her with a question.

“could you point me to the vibrators, please?”

your face burned at lottie’s words, looking down at your feet. “no problem, right this way.” the worker smiled once more, you and lottie following her to the aisle.

the walls were lined with different toys, all color coordinated and stacked perfectly. “let me know if you need anything.” the worker walked back to her desk and left you and lottie alone in the aisle. the store was empty, it was just you, lottie and the worker.

well, a sex shop wouldn’t be packed at 11 am on a thursday, right?

“which one would you like, sweetheart? you can pick out any one, it’s just for you.” lottie smiled before pulling you closer by your waist. you couldn’t choose all the colors and different prices were too overwhelming- until you found the perfect one.

it was a small, black bullet vibrator that had multiple types of speed and vibration patterns. you try to grab it, but it was a shelf too high, making lottie help you out. “this one, darling?” she gave it to you, watching you scan the box for more facts.

rechargeable. 6 hours of battery life! dishwasher safe?

“you like that one, don’t you?” lottie smiled down at you, pinching your cheek. “but the price-”

“nooo, what did i say about that, honey? mommy would buy it for you, no matter how much it cost.”

you shrugged, avoiding lottie’s eyes. “let’s buy this and go home, yeah? i know you’re just dying to try it out.”

you whined, hiding your shy little smirk into lottie’s shoulder. “i’m only teasing you, little one.” she squeezed your hand as the two of you walked up to the cash register.

***

as soon as you got home, lottie told you to undress, taking off your pants and your boxers frantically, and your shirt lastly, ready to finally try it out.

“come sit on mommy’s lap, sweet boy.” lottie was across the room on the couch. she had taken the toy out of the packaging, pulling you in closer when you sat down. “it’s beautiful, isn’t it? are you ready?” you heard the cap of a lube bottle snap shut after lottie put some on the vibrator.

she rubbed your tummy, keeping a secure grip on you around your waist because you were definitely going to squirm. “i’ll start slow, then we’ll work our way up, yeah. don’t hesitate to tell mommy to stop.” you copied her nod.

lottie rubbed the toy against your t-cock, making you shiver from the coldness of the lubricant.

then she turned it on.

you gasped softly, your stomach already flipping as the low buzzing sound filled your head. “you’re such a brave boy for doing this with mommy, yes you are.” lottie cooed, her hand still rubbing your stomach.

your breaths were jagged, biting your lower lip as a moan almost slipped out. “don’t be afraid to moan in front of mommy, baby. c’mon,” she coaxed you, a small whimper from you muffled into her chest.

“there's my boy, does that feel nice?”

“mm- yes, s’good,” your words were slurred together but lottie could somehow still understand you. “you want it faster, don’t you?” lottie smiled sweetly, spreading your legs farther with her knee. you would've never thought that such a tiny thing could make you feel this good.

“mommyyy..” you almost cried, holding onto lottie’s wrist. “i know, sweet boy.” lottie couldn’t take it herself. holding her little boy in her lap while he squirmed and whimpered against her shoulder, it was such a precious site. “do you need mommy to stop?”

“nono- please!”

the pressure in your stomach was getting tighter and tighter as you rocked your hips into the new toy. “are you close, my baby?” lottie deliberately pressed the vibe into your little cock, marveling at how perked up every so often.

“faster, please mommy- ‘m so-” your sentence was cut off by lottie turning up the speed once again, dragging the tip of the bullet up and down against your dick, resting it directly on the head. “so close for mommy, i just know it. let go, my darling boy, c’mon.” she kissed your ear before whispering. “cum for mommy.”

the high pitched moan you let out was alarming, to both you and lottie, but you couldn’t feel embarrassment now, only pleasure as your orgasm bursts through your stomach, a tear falling from your eye when you blinked. “such a good boy. how was that?” you nodded, smiling from the praise. “good, mommy.” you rubbed your wet face with the back of your hand.

“you know, you don’t have to ask mommy to use this. you can use it whenever you like. while i’m at work, or at the store, even if i’m in the next room, baby.” she teased, watching you get flustered for the umpteenth time today.

“or mommy can teach you, baby. if you don’t know to use it.”

you nodded once with a smile, buzzing with excitement at the thought for using your new toy again.

taglist (i forgot it): @antlerbf @deerlottie @theyellowjacketschewtoy @girltwinklater @kessellluvr @lotties-ashwagandha