#she was hostile to me and she apologized and was like yeah im fighting with my husband so that's why i was feeling hostile

[number1girl]

my boss is abusive like straight up <3 <3 <3 not even in a "donate to my gofundme to help me escape an abusive living situation and by that i mean my roommate asked me to do the dishes" type of way. like i am literally trapped in the cycle of build up explosive incident honeymoon phase

[bigdsgirl]

hello, yes I am here and I am revved up. let's do episode 8:

Restarting where MIL beats down evil mom - pure bliss

"blatant favoritism to your child" -- okay pot meet kettle

HA SHE CALLED HER OUT!

I hate him I hate him I hate him - "as a family"

Me: I wonder if they are going to follow the webtoon, *sees the bar scene* oh yessssss

The dad making dinner to resolve things - oh sweet summer child

This man thinks he's so slick, when all they are doing is outing that he, evil mom and Yoo Ra are working together.

WAIT HE HAS FOOTAGE. OH MY--

Are you suggesting we watch it as a family? YES GRAB THE POPCORN

cAlled out - "it was 20 years ago" oh NOW HE WANNA SWEEP IT

I am personally not a fan of the "we told you to stop fighting" - seriously, one is EGGING THE OTHER ON.

Chairwoman said "we are doing this, old school" *succession theme song plays*

"I don't want to stress him out" - my ANGEL

the way he slightly opens the door to let her know that he's home GOOD BYE

THE HUG. THE SAFE SPACE.

he needs to make sure she eats I am losing it

"let's leave it alone" - yeah because we know who did it and it will make you even worse

I love Do Guk just beat down the ex -- truly brings me joy on this glorious Sunday

HAHAHAHH HE HAS THE FOOTAGE - threaten his ass

Turn in Yoo Ra - oh boy you are speaking my language

"when you mess with my wife" that's right, keep my wife's name out of your mouth!!!!!

Yi Joo - take those gloves off and slap them silly

the literal "oh the water tastes great" - nailed them heheheheh

Wait. Wait - they are eating together??? oh oh oh

Yi Joo in the stripped shirt is so effortless and gah i love her she is gorgeous

Jamie babe, please just say it (for those that's don't know please ignore)

AS FRIENDS *sobs*

wait! wait! what dish does she want to learn! is it for Do Guk?? PLS SAY YES.

The burn the burn yes, let's talk about it.

Love the massage chair moment - iconic

ohmy god is the food for the chairwoman??? IM CRYING she just wants a FAMILY

"the meals that Do Guk makes are so good I want more" - YES YES YESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

oh the cut to a previous conversation, here we go. oh this is why she asked Yi Joo. and oh my gklajgfdkjag

"I spent my life building homes for other people. But I couldn't do it for my grandson" oh my GOD i am sOBBING

the JEAN SKIRT, Yi Joo I am just a baby bi, please don't do this to meeeeee *dies*

oh my god my heart is shattering - "Yi Joo is alive" the fact that she says that just makes me want to burn the world for her

ARSENIC??????? Oh I am ready to go to war; this is just awful.

Auntie is a spy and I love that for her. She is a blessing, I am so happy Yi Joo had someone in her corner, even if it was such a short period of time.

oh hey look. an article about a FIRE, HUH?

HOSTILE TAKE OVER LFGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Grandpa, you get +2 points

failed acquisition! yeet! truly music to my ears

Do Guk that shirt looks sooooooo good with your hair

BRO STOP PROTECTING YOO RA

HAHAHAH DO GUK JUST LOVES DROPPING THE MIC

sir - listen to your advisor, i bet you all my dollars she's right and you should be careful

oh here we go, i love this for the ex; get what is due. You deserve to feel like shit for eternity!

"order for me" babe, that's not enough

uh oh uh oh little sister is is bring troubleeeee

DO NA!!! I would do anything for this woman. her and Yi Joo have my heart

the rock music in the background, truly a baddie!!!!

YOO RA THIS IS ALL BECAUSE OF YOUUUUUU -- too little to late good sir

"You volunteered to do this" oh this is sweet and I can't wait to see everything explode for all these shitty people (including you Yoo Ra hehehehe)

Oh we are getting the full apology here. hmm. hmm. still don't accept :) go to hell ya turn. AND YI JOO DESTROYED HIM - "these are my terms" - yes queen.

The board meeting; stupid men. And Do Guk; he game with RECEIPTS.

I just love this power couple so much. they are the light of my life.

this is me rn:

more important public opinion??? I knew it was going to be a serious about the construction work, but a tiny part of me was hoping for a photo of Yi Joo like:

again keep my wifes name out of your mf-ing mouth

Yoo Ra - the first thing you need to learn about revenge, you have to take care of your minions. this is very important

MIL THAT OUTFIT HOLY SHIT, she did not come to play

"please do not call me that, it's unpleasant" - I am WHEEEEZING

babe, Yoo Ra, you cannot say "he's the first guy I liked im sorry, i just went a little 🤪crazy 🤪" that will not work

oh ew, bringing business into this??? oh ma'am. oh now he's sick. hmm. HMMMM. I wonder why.

oh the "is it upsetting you?" MIL you are an angel and I thank you for caring for our Yi Joo.

hell yeah! throw the pills on the floor! someone grab them!

stonks are plummeting! ohhhhh noooooooo

aw shit the conservatorship oh nice, bribery. f u mister lawyer.

oh evil mom is scheming too - it's about to get spicyyyyy. oh no she gave him like.... 6 pills. oh that's not good.

OH YES YES YES ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now I can seeeeeeeeeeeeee my HALLOOOOOOOO

oh fuck that trailer is FIRE LETSS GOOO! (I spy a HUG!!!)

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

batkids and their relationships with their siblings headcanons. under read more because this got fucking LONGGG

dick

dick is the eldest so he doesnt want to bog down his younger siblings with his problems, but if he DOES, he tends to talk to jason about it

dick and cass start to really begin to bond when Cass shows up to dicks gymnastics class for 3rd-6th graders and then cass shows up all the sixth graders and they get frozen yogurt after lmao

dick and tim are Very much thick as thieves. tim is very much like bruce on the Emotional Suppression scale, so dick just really wants to make sure his little brother is safe and happy ALL the time

Duke and Damian are the only two really permanently at the manor anymore, so when dick drops by he tries to do something with both of them. duke frantically zoom calls dick every other week to help him with his his trig homework. dick shows up to dukes high school graduation with literally the BIGGEST SIGN

everyone insists damian is dicks favorite but he does actually genuinely love all his siblings equally, his relationship with damian is just Very different from the others because of the age gap and being dami's primary caretaker for a year. dick babies dami every chance he gets

jason

would sell Dick to satan for One corn chip

him and cass don't have the greatest start to their relationship because cass is very much Against Killing so it takes a while for jason to warm up to her and earn her trust. now, though, jason is competing with steph by showing cass all the classic American Teenager things she missed out on. steph is currently winning but jason is like 98% positive a crunch wrap from taco bell is going to push him over the edge

tim and jason are currently competing over who can solve the most cases in a month. tim is winning. that won't last long.

jason Loves to Big Brother duke its so embarrassing. duke will get out of school and go to his car and jason is SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT FRANTICALLY WAVING TO GET DUKES ATTENTION. JASON THAT IS MY CAR. signal has one (1) mission with arsenal and arsenal goes hey did you ask that girl to homecoming yet and duke is like I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.

Damian is proof that Actually, Little Brothers are Pests. Jason fully believes that he was brought back from the dead PURELY to torment damian and he will fulfill this mission at any cost

cassandra

it actually really upset her when Dick didn't accept her at first. she knows her other siblings really adore dick so his lack of trust was really disheartening. it takes dick a while but once he Actually Accepts that cass is going to be a permanent part of their life and oh, wow, dick you really hurt her feelings he really hyperfocuses on bonding with cass for a couple of months which definitely improves their relationship

she really likes jason!! their relationship doesn't start well but because he's close with steph and tim who are cass's top two favorite people to exist ever, cass is like well i GUESS ill hang out with him more. jason is fun to talk to because he always tries his best to explain jokes and give context to what people are talking about (also tim took her to taco bell already but she didn't tell jason she just wanted to hang out)

cass LOVES tim. they just click okay. tim always seems to know when to give her space and when to push and come closer. Tim's "guest room" is just her room lets be real. tim and cass occasionally get mistaken for twins and Cass Loves it.

duke makes cass listen to metal once and cass loses. her. damn. mind. they bond over music a lot because they both Love Music to a degree the others in their family don't.

damian!! damian is her little brother!!! dami isn't As Hostile to cass at first because he is 100% aware cass has the edge in fighting and respects her. cass likes all of his instagram posts and they have a snapchat streak going

tim

tim Loves dick, dick was his first sibling!! he had Very strong hero worship when he first met dick but it mellowed out when tim got older because wow 17 is really not that cool and mature lol. tim has an open invitation to dick's apartment which he does occasionally take advantage of. tim has more than once scared the shit out of wally when wally comes over and wally is convinced they're being robbed (HA) for half a second. i mean. he's not wrong.

listen. tim understands that forgiving the guy who tried to kill you would be a Struggle for some people and it was! definitely! but also at least he can trust jason to, uh, be open about if he doesn't like tim. which is not an assurance he has with other people. so if the guy who tried to kill him tells him tim is cool now then like. maybe tim isn't that bad or annoying a person? also jason arrested a whole gang and won the cases competition but then it created a power vacuum that the whole batfam had to clean up the rest of the month. thanks, jason.

tim LOVES cass. you know how most of the time theres this empty feeling inside you and you just kind of ignore it because you don't know what will fix it or if you do, you know you can't fix it? cass makes that empty feeling feel a little less empty. they just click. tim always tries to travel with cass whenever she leaves gotham.

tim and duke. Tim is actually the sibling who duke goes to whenever he has questions he doesn't want to ask bruce or alfred about, like, life or vigilante-ing or school or college or whatever and Tim is always like yes!! i love Giving Advice and Solving Problems!! tim and duke and jason fill out their college applications together.

tim and damian. LMAO. ROUGH START THAT'S ALL ILL SAY. at some point alfred goes like fuck it. family therapy. and tim and dami are PISSED. tim and damian get along best when they have a common enemy to work against. their relationship gets much better when damian is older and they actually talk about their feelings like emotionally stunted bats. despite how bad their relationship was, tim will ALWAYS protect damian

duke

very much intimidated by dick at first. dick is so much older and has his own job and friends and life and is very much AN ADULT. dick likes to take duke out to do lots of cool stuff (paintball, lasertag, tech exhibitions, concerts, etc). also, dick PERSONALLY introduced duke to superman and is dating THE FLASH. 10/10 awesome big brother.

was intimidated by jason for 0.5 seconds before jason actually opened his mouth and started speaking. jason is literally. So Embarrassing. which is weird because nobody else really seems to feel that way about jason but duke knows he's 100% in the right here. like yeah jason is also An Adult and does Adult Stuff but he's also at the manor like every other weekend???? and he always complains about bruce but always seems to be in the same room bruce is in????? like okay jason. they bond over literature!! jason and duke and alfred will spend literal hours talking about books and duke loves it. duke is the only one who doesn't think jason is funny and jason gets so upset about it lmao.

cass has this one week where she gets really into photography and by virtue of being nearby (and also not nocturnal), duke becomes her victim subject. duke prints out all the pictures and hangs them up in his room (his favorite is one he took when he stole the camera and took a really bad selfie of them together).

tim is closest in age to duke so duke tends to hang around with him a lot. tim introduced duke to his young justice friends and duke is like yes!!! meta-friends!!!! tim really helps duke out with his powers because tim is always like wow i wonder if your powers would work if we did This? can you see farther than other people? is your visible spectrum of light different than other humans? Bruce does the same thing but bruce is boring about it lol.

damian and duke live in the same house and will be in the same room and just send each other social media posts back and forth. they follow each other on instagram and will, OCCASIONALLY, make tik toks together because they're tik tok fiends. each of his siblings have visited his parents once or twice but damian routinely comes with him.

damian

damian gets a special bullet point to say that it took him. forever to come around to the idea of having siblings. he very much believed that he was Bruce's Blood Son and everyone else were just tagalongs or allies. it took him ages to acknowledge that dick, jason, tim, and cass were his siblings, so when duke came and like a week later damian was like Ah, Yes, this is my brother Thomas everyone else was like dude wtf

listen. LISTEN. Obviously. Richard is very highly skilled. and also Father values him highly. and also Richard will listen to Damian complain about his schoolmates. and also Richard is much more patient with Damian than other members of his family. listen....,,, (all this to say damian kind of fucking adores dick lmaooooo this kid).

Todd is kind of unbearable but damian has been informed this is both a normal feeling when it comes to Todd and also big brothers. damian was an only child for ten years so yes, Father, if Todd attempts to tickle me I WILL break his fucking nose. yes i WILL put money in the swear jar but I want you to know i don't regret it. they always try to sneak up on each other but mostly fail.

DRAKE!!! but no lol once damian grows up and is like I Apologize for attempting to murder you it was wrong and you are just as much a son to Father as I am tim is like UGH i guess its cool since ur being so emotionally mature and all. also im 2 for 5 on siblings trying to murder me so im definitely going to win trauma bingo and damian is like i take it back you are insufferable. When Will My Older Siblings Stop Joking About Their Trauma.

CASS!!! listen. cass is cool. Cass Gets It. They have a special Bond. also damian really likes it whenever cass is home because 1) he gets to hang out and do something cool with cass and 2) he feels significantly safer with cass in the house because Nobody will be able to hurt any of their family if Cass is there. ALSO he tries to call her cain but everyone is like DONT DO THAT and he doesn't want to call her wayne bcus theyre ALL wayne (dick adds it on as a middle name but also Richard John Wayne West-Grayson is just. the lamest name ever so dick needs to reconsider it before his upcoming nuptials)((dick will not reconsider it except maybe whether grayson-west would work better)) and so he tries cassandra but cass is like :) call me cass and damian is like cassandra is more formal and respectful and cass is like :) and finally damian just has to give in.

Duke! him and duke actually live together so they get the Most Bonding Time and have a bunch of inside jokes as a result. (is it bad i wanted to laugh because inside jokes... joker... i'll see myself out). they're eating breakfast together (and also alfred sits with them IM NOT A MONSTER ALFIE'S LIKE 70 NOW OKAY) and duke laughs and bruce is like what are you laughing at, son? and duke is like oh damian just showed me this funny meme and then he shows the phone to bruce and bruce grabs it (both the boys groan) and after WAY TOO LONG is like "i don't get it" and so now duke and damian have to try and explain the comedic intricacy of bob's burgers

[pizzaboat]

So I've seen alot of people give their theory's and opinions on what's going to happen to Lilith in season 2 of the owl house, whether or not she's forgiven, where she's going to stay and how she'll act I guess, and the major thing being if she's redeemed or how redeemed she is.

I'm just going to throw my own thoughts out there and say that obviously there's still alot to do with her character. I also have no intention of bashing her character, I actually enjoy when she's on screen. I do like her but she's still problematic. So buckle up this is a long one.

To get my thoughts straight I'll break what I have to say down into parts, cause I get distracted easily.

First up im going to say I think she is far from redeemed. My impression of her is that she regrets cursing her sister, but she also finds some sort of sick pride in it too, as shown in agony of a witch when she screams " then why were you so easy to curse!?".

She also has no problem hurting literal children to get what she wants either, but that's another issue I'll discuse.

Lilith seems to resent her younger sister to an extreme, unhealthy degree. I could sit here and theorise about her child-hood and teen years wondering what could have created such insecurities in her, but im not going to. That is irrelevant to the point im trying to make. What's important to keep in mind though is that she was "perfect prissy Lilith"- the covention growing up, Eda was good at almost everything, and that Lilith cursed Eda to secure a spot in the emperors coven when Lilith was 18-19 and Eda was 16-17.

Is she redeemed ?

No i don't think she is even half way there. She cursed Eda in her sleep to win a fight. Lied for over thirty years to Eda about that curse. Mocked Eda for the symptoms of a curse she put on her "Why don't you go home and rest wouldn't want you breaking hip"- sense and insensitivity . she kidnapped Luz to use her against her sister, used Luz as a human meat shield in her and Eda's battle during agony of a witch, was generally quite rude to Luz when she wasn't dangling her over a pit of spikes, and also SPIKES.

Taking on half of a curse she put on her sister in the first place doesn't begin to cover the trauma and pain she's caused in the name of healing her sister, enforcing the emperors laws and joining said emperors coven.

I would also like to point out that she had a way to elevate her sisters pain all this time but she didn't. I've seen arguments like she trusted the emperor to heal her sister but I can already point out so many things wrong with that.

even if she did trust him, no normal person could sit by and watch any family member they claim to care about suffer, if she trusted the emperor so much she would have split the curse sooner, (providing Eda would have let her of course) and had him heal her or Eda both.

But she didn't do that she lied to her sister for years, partly because she was scared of losing Eda and also Eda's reaction which was, and would always be unbridalled rage. but also to an extent it suited her, it suited her to be the successful sibling, the sibling doing things "right" Lilith seems to be as I said before extremely insecure, and I think that just going off the episodes she was in and the impression the show puts forward.

If what I've noticed is correct, Lilith has spent her life in her sisters shadow, bullied in school as revealed in the end of something ventured something framed, nobody took her seriously due to her appearance and probably being a late bloomer in a lot of ways. She would have jumped at the chance to be given the same respect that Eda and other talented witches or well off, higher up witches recieved.

In other words the emperors coven fed Liliths' battered ego, telling her what she wanted to hear.

It makes sense that she wouldn't want to let that go, but in the context of what has happened and the fact she seemed to still try and stick with the emperors coven before Belos sent her to be executed along with eda and king.

She isn't redeemed, she probably doesn't see much wrong with how she's behaved up until now(besides cursing Eda) and there's still alot of work for her to do. She only split half the curse because her expulsion from the coven forced her to address a mistake she made for once.

Season 2 and maybe more seasons looks like where she'll be earning her redemption. Hopefully she'll be forced to face more of her flaws and short comings and work on them.

Will she be forgiven?

Lilith from what has been shown has hurt;

Eda Luz, King, Amity, Willow and Gus. They all have different reasons to be hostile towards her.

Eda

She cursed Eda and almost subjected her to a faith worse than death, lied to her, mocked her. Kidnapped her apprentice and almost got Luz killed a number of times,using her as a sheild. She dragged Luz into the whole messed up rivalry. I don't think Eda will forgive her emediatly, after all, even if she can forgive Lilith for what she did to her, she would also have to forgive her for what she did to Luz.

She essentially kidnapped Edas' surrogate daughter, Eda was much angrier about Luz's suffering than her own "you hurt luz, you cursed me. before anything turns me to stone I'm going to tear you apart!" - young blood, old souls

Yeah Eda was fit to murder her sister, taking some of the curse probably only got rid of her homicidal desire towards Lilith, thats it.

Luz

I've seen some people make fan content in which Luz immediately forgives Lilith or comes round eventually to her when Lilith acts nice around the house.

That seems super out of character for Luz, sure Luz is characterised to be kind and sweet but if the final proves anything its that she has a ruthless streak that comes out when she tries to protect the people she loves, her family. Lilith has threatened the people she cares about. I don't see Luz letting that slide, and she would probably still be on guard. Luz may have accepted her help in young blood old souls, but that was only because she wanted to save Eda she told Lilith she didn't like her "whole deal" and she meant it.

Lilith would have to prove she's really changed for the better for luz to begin to for give her.

King

I like the idea of King and Lilith becoming friends simply for comedy perposes, if King were to forgive her and I think he'd be one of the closest to it out of the main characters.

They'd be a force of sheer stupidity and ego they'd be bad and good for each other, King weirdly enough would be more emotionally mature since he's learned things like you can't be posesive over people in really small problems it's a lesson Lilith needs to learn since she seems to resent Luz to an extent, thinking Luz was taking her sister from her "Edalyn is with her family, her real family. Go back to your world human this one is ours" - agony of a witch

Of course before this she needs to also earn his forgiveness, he wasn't there for agony of a witch but he did experience the fear and worry of losing eda in young blood, old souls the only person he had up until then was Eda " King and I, we don't have much in this world. we only have each other"- A lying witch and a Warden. Lilith helping rescue Eda might have helped improve his opinion of her, but Lilith would have to get over herself first to begin her redemption.

Hooty

I don't think Hooty would hold a grudge, mostly because he's comic relief and weird. Since I personally think no one in the owl house would be bothering with her, and I see her being forced to live In the shed. I think Hooty would be her only company and I think it would be unexpected and really funny if he's the first person/bird thing to open her eyes to her awful behaviour. You gotta start somewhere and Hooty is it.

Amity, Gus and Willow

I think Gus and Willow will be stand-offish until Luz and King forgive Lilith.

Once Lilith has developed more as a person she owes Amity an apology for how she behaved as a teacher. Amity would be mad after the covention episode, but almost killing her crush would make her protective of Luz, and wary of her in general.

Conclusion

Lilith hasn't been redeemed in my opinion, there's still alot of growth she needs to go through, she's made alot of terrible mistakes and decisions, its what makes her so interesting. I like her but she's a sh*t person, but she can learn to be less of a sh*t person.

I'm aware this is a kids show and she probably won't get all this development or she could get different character development and that would be awesome, its just my thoughts and opinions and I'm really excited for season 2.

[loverofallthingssmart]

for @you-are-the-vacker-legacy hope you feel better lynn!! have this in the meantime..

ok so this is kind of canon divergent i guess? but it’s basically where lin gets the respect she deserves and doesn’t apologize to the people who wronged her and demand apologies as if she wronged them

warning: this might be like antagonizing suyin (and opal slightly) because of my personal bias but i tried to keep it as neutral as possible

a/n: i haven’t watched korra in like a month and i haven’t fully finished season 4 and so most of this information is going by my shitty memory so....sorry if the canon details or timeline is wack

so we start with tenzin.....i love tenzin but the weird tension between him and lin in the first season isn’t bad per say.......i just want them to be BFFs and not vaguely enemeies/past lovers?? (no weird tension because of this past fling...instead try enemies by day, BFFs by night?)

SO lin and kya are dating because i said so and tenzin and lin are friends that argue because their jobs are conflicting.. they used to date but that didn’t work out and lost contact for a few years but they reconnect and now they are back to their old selves....especially with korra.

lin and korra still have their disagreement but now it’s because lin feels conflicted because she adores the girl and how fierce and brave and compassionate she is but korra is also very abrasive and gets in trouble with the cops A LOT in the first season which is like super annoying for lin and she holds grudges for that

they resolve it much like canon, lin is still kicking ass and being an amazing chief but then in season 3, they go to zaofu and meet suyin......

suyin still is like “oh im lin’s sister” and invites her to stay and stuff and that carries out like canon BUT this time korra is not pushing lin to forgive su and does NOT bring opal to guilt trip lin into forgiving a person who basically did nothing for lin (seriously what was up with that like??? and everyone blamed lin??)

one of the workers at su’s place refers lin to the acupuncturist and she relives the same memories but that just solidifies her decision to not apologize for cutting contact with her sister who is the mother of a city???? and is completely possible of reaching out and talking to lin personally?? and not just complaining about how lin wasn’t ready to talk about her family issues in group therapy with her family

there is no fight because korra (and mako because what did mako do in zaofu lmao?? he’s going to be on his boss’s side like) is on lin’s side and lin is still semi in the right mindset with someone to lean on (i mean....korra still learns under suyin and admires her but she doesn’t try and force lin to forgive her)

opal and lin still have their bonding moment at the end but since there is no prior hostility (that’s apparently lin’s fault like???? wth?? someone please explain the logic behind that??) and lin doesn’t really hate opal because all she did was be born so yeah

this kind of got semi derailed but like....you get the point (hopefully!)

i might do some more when i finish season 4 but season 3 made me peeved with how they treated lin and how they treated suyin and how they “mended” their relationship and i wanted to make lynn feel better and what better way than to give lin beifong the respect she deserves

[gems-of-lirema]

GEMS-OF-LIREMA’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted. Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

(Putting it under a read more because this is fricking long holy cow. Ah, that’s the price I have to pay for 7 muses...I’m coding everything in case anyone wants to focus on a specific muse)

Mun name: Sean

OOC Contact: IMs on tumblr work best for me, I have a Discord (ask me for the link) & a Discord Pokemon server as well if that’s more convenient

Who the heck is my muse anyway: 💜 The Fool (Eusine): Has no idea what he’s doing, but he’ll be damned if he does anything w/o his Rulebook. 💛 The Rulebook (Morty): Just trying to make it through the month to provide for his 3 roommates. 💎 The Stoic (Steven Stone): Just your average rich vagabond who has a boyfriend & refrains from speaking. 💙 The Wolf (Wolf Grunt): Trusted psychic bodyguard of Team Skull. Always itching for a battle, whether through Pokemon or through their paws. 💚 The Smart Aleck (N Harmonia): The Stoic’s somewhat narcissistic boyfriend. ❤️ The Grump (AZ): Just your average gentle giant going through the motions. Always sassy and never happy. 🖤 The Rebel (Guzma): It’s ya boi. If he’s not careful, his need for destruction will be his own downfall…

Points of interest: Everybody’s got issues! :D Some more noticeable than others…

💜💙💚🖤 Most of my muses (specifically Eusine, Wolf Grunt, N, and Guzma) typically act on a whim if no one keeps them in check. 💜💚 In Eusine and N’s case, they don’t actively want to hurt anyone, but they trust their own judgement better than anyone else's (even if their own judgement is terrible). Of course, Eusine will only do something stupid if Morty’s not around. 💙🖤 In Wolf Grunt & Guzma’s case, they’re not afraid to cross boundaries in order to get what they want. They are a part of Team Skull, after all. 🖤 Guzma swears like a sailor. (Mun disapproves of this & tries not to do this in real life.) 💎 Steven doesn’t talk much, and is very quiet compared to all my other muses. He may avoid you if he knows you’re psychic, or if he knows you know about his curse. 💚 As mentioned above, N is self-centered and typically only speaks for himself. ❤️ Besides his ridiculous height, AZ seems pretty normal, even if he rarely smiles. 💛 Morty’s pretty normal too, but he’s as stubborn as a mule when it comes to personal opinions.

What they’ve been up to recently: Uuuuuuuh my main verse could use some work so all the interactions I’ve made so far don’t pertain to it at all ._.; (I suppose I’ll just call it “The Verse that Never Was” since the Reincarnation AU & Spirits of Chaos AU is basically the aftermath of it. Technically, it involves all my AUs, but that’s a story for another day .-.)

💜 Eusine has no direction or plans, he’s a NEET. He does have a major crush for Morty, but he’s always turned down... 💛 Morty really misses his old job as a Gym Leader, but hasn’t done anything to get it back. Secretly, he does have a thing for Eusine, but he’s too afraid to admit it. 💙 Wolf Grunt was kicked out of the house by their adopted father, Morty, and both know they don’t belong in Team Skull. Despite this, Morty refuses to take them back until they earn his respect. Wolf Grunt couldn’t care less, as they’ve been living in Team Skull for almost two years now. Even if they do miss him every now and then… 💎 Steven is still learning to control his curse, and will not trust anyone to talk about it or help him control it. 💚 N doesn’t trust anyone with Steven’s powers either, and may seem overprotective of him at times. He believes he can help Steven by himself. (Spoiler alert: he can’t.) 💎💚 Steven & N have been dating for 5 years, and plan on engagement. That is, if either one of them are confident enough to propose to the other. Which they’re not. 💚 Like Eusine with Morty, N can’t go anywhere without Steven, and is lost without him. ❤️ Although AZ has finally reunited with his Floette, he is still fighting the old ghosts of his past, feeling great remorse & missing his brother greatly. 🖤 Although Lusamine is dead in my main verse, Guzma is plotting his revenge for what she did to him, starting with the destruction of Aether Paradise. He doesn’t really have a set plan (besides shooting everything), and if he carries his plans out now, he’ll be losing a lot more than Team Skull… (i.e. Ya boi’s gonna die, somebody stop him.)

Where to find them: All my muses currently live in Alola. 💛💚💜❤️ Morty, N, Eusine, and AZ all share a house on Route 1. 🖤💙 Guzma & Wolf Grunt, of course, live in Skull Mansion/Shady House/Po Town. 💎 Steven’s a vagabond and may switch between living in these two houses. Otherwise, it’s difficult to find Steven in one spot. In fact, he may fly to a different region on a good day.

Current plans: None of the stuff I plot with other people pertains to my main verse, as I still wish to develop it further. (Even though I’m torn between keeping it or letting it go c’: ) Since this is getting fricking long already I’m just gonna tag the people I have active threads for/want to plot with more. I apologize to all of you c’:

@dragonfly-grunt @heartbxnd @lushjunglesrecipes @steelwingchampion @thebella-matthews-666 @trainer-riz

Desired interactions: - Duplicates! Some of the best interactions I’ve had so far have been with duplicates, so if we share the same muse, I’d love to plot things between them ^_^ (or just have them be so confused as to why there’s two of them xD) - I’m a sucker for crossovers, as one of my AUs (Spirit of Chaos) is a crossover in and of itself. Here’s a list of all the fandoms I’m willing to interact with ^_^ - Feel free to interact with my AUs too! I love them all c: (you can find them in Rule 8 of the rule’s page.)

💜 For Eusine: He needs to learn that he can’t always depend on Morty to decide everything for him. This could be done by virtually anyone, though he does have a crush for Gym Leader Jasmine in my main verse. Oh yeah, and he needs a job. Or money. Or possibly both. 💛 For Morty: Any Sabrina muses or other Pokemon League muses with psychic powers? Sabrina may give Mortimer the motivation he needs to get his Gym Leader job back...if only because he hates her guts ._. (This could also be true in any other psychic’s case) 💎 For Steven: Steven may be the best option for any crossover interactions, only because his curse allows him to travel between different realities, and even merge realities if he’s not careful… (not to say that he’s the only muse I’ll use for crossovers: all my muses are open for that ^_^) 💙 For Wolf Grunt: They’re a lone wolf when it comes to Team Skull (pun intended), and actually have a hard time opening up to any other grunt. Deep down, they're homesick...not entirely for Morty’s home, but for Sinnoh. If there are any muses from Sinnoh, Wolf Grunt may latch onto you like a leech ._. 💚 For N Harmonia: Somebody help the poor tree boy learn that self-gratification is not the same as self-confidence c’: Yes, N actually has a really low self-esteem (as he’s still trying to find himself & his purpose), and only acts narcissistic as a facade to hide his true emotions. 💚 Also, since N talks to Pokemon, I’d love for him to interact with some Pokemon muses (again, not to say that I’ll only use N for interacting with Pokemon muses ^_^) ❤️ For AZ: Lysandre muses! AZ needs to learn that it’s ok to love his family. Even if he’ll act pretty hostile to Lysandre at first, deep down he wants nothing but the best for him. He sees his brother in Lysandre, and if he’s not true to his feelings, he may end up ignoring Lysandre like he did to his brother (which is the last thing he wants). ❤️ Otherwise, somebody. Hug the gentle giant. Please. Just. Go into my inbox right now and hug him. I’m a sucker for AZ hugs c’: 🖤 For Guzma: Er...I already get enough interaction with Guzma as is...But he does have a secret power that no one, not even himself, knows about. That’s all I’ll say...

Offered interactions: 💜 Eusine’s a musician: in fact, it’s his passion! If your band needs a drummer, he’s your guy. He’s also great for livening up parties, as he loves to do water tricks for anyone. 💛 Morty has his own Psychic reading business! Worried about the future? Old ghosts of the past keep haunting you? Or are you just curious about your lucky numbers? Morty can do it all. (interactions will need to be plotted first of course...unless you don’t mind any infomodding ._.; ) 💎 Steven doesn’t really have anything to offer...unless you’re itching for some reality-warping shenanigans. This can range from turning water into wine or turning the moon into a blood-red moon (again, must be plotted first, considering how reluctant he is with using his powers &  dark his powers can become…) 💙 Wolf Grunt can, and will, beat you up. In fact, they’re looking for someone to fight with everyday. 💚 N doesn’t have much to offer either...Unless you’re a Pokemon. He loves speaking to wild Pokemon. ❤️ AZ can do pretty much anything: cooking, playing musical instruments, designing clothes. The only person holding him back from doing it all is himself. 🖤 Like Wolf, Guzma can and will beat you up. He’s always armed.

Current open post/s: Check the #open rp tag & the #prompts tag, those are always open ^_^

Anything else?: - I live in US Central Time if that helps - All links to my muse’s pages & their relationship to each other can be found in the rules page (Rule 8 specifically) - Please for the love of AZ someone critique me on my main verse it sucks

Tagging: No. You can do this if you want & say I tagged you.

[licncourt-replies]

Ch 4 A Change of Heart

I need to remember to update my fic over here and not just on ao3

Also, Ch 5 of the Tony/Bucky version is up on ao3 here.  Ch 5 of the Steve/Tony version is in the works.  This is the final chapter that is the same in both versions before they diverge into their respective relationships.  Chapters 1-3 can be found by searching "a change of heart” on my blog

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Rhodey cut his repulsors with a flourish, metal boots clanking on the asphalt of the SHIELD landing pad.  He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, waves of anger coursing through him.  He briefly considered leaving the War Machine armor on the deck, before thinking better of it.  There wasn’t a reason in the world not to go the full nine yards to intimidate Captain fucking America.  Agents parted like water as he stomped down the hallways of the Helicarrier, face set with determination and body ready for a fight.  When he approached the conference room door, he blasted it open with a repulsor, the door bashing into the wall with a bone-rattling crash.  If he was going to be extra, he was going to be extra.  Rhodey smirked in satisfaction when the sudden noise sent Rogers straight up in the air like a scared cat.

“Jesus Christ!”  The captain collapsed back into his chair at the conference table and shot a scathing glare in Rhodey’s direction.  “The hell was that for?”  Rhodey bit back a smirk of satisfaction.

“My deepest apologies, Captain Rogers.  I may have underestimated the power of the suit.”  Steve raised an eyebrow at his response but didn’t contest it.  Rhodey prolonged their eye contact, watching giddily as the great Captain America squirmed in his seat.  “Well?”  Rogers stared at him like a deer in the headlights.

“What?” he asked, confusion written on his features.  Rhodey rose to his full height in the armor, towering over the seated man.

“You know, it’s proper etiquette to salute a superior officer.”  Steve’s eyes widened as he clamored to his feet in a shockingly uncoordinated manner, snapping a sharp salute.

“Yes, of course.  I’m sorry.  I guess I’ve gotten out of the habit with things being how they are, you know what I mean?”  The colonel narrowed his eyes.

“No, Captain, I don’t think I do.”  Rogers looked down at the floor.

“No, I don’t suppose you would.”  He glanced back up briefly before straightening out and squaring his shoulders.  “Shall we begin?”

“Yes, I believe we should.”  With a nod, Rogers gestured at the empty seat beside him.  After a moment’s hesitation, Rhodey stepped out of the suit, putting it in sentinel mode in the corner nearest to Rogers.  He didn’t miss the captain’s nervous glance in the direction of the armor.  A wave of dark glee washed over his body at his companion’s discomfort.

“So, I’m sure you’re curious as to why I’ve asked you here today, Rhodes.”  Rhodey glared harder.

“Colonel.”  The captain looked taken aback, but relented, albeit with a look of confusion at the hostility he’d been met with thus far.

“Sorry.  Colonel.”  Rhodey offered a small nod for him to continue.  “Like I was saying, I’m sure you’re wondering why I asked you here.  As much as it pains me for it to have come to this, I’ve decided that, if you’re able and willing, War Machine should take on an active role in the Avengers roster.”  Just hearing the captain say it, so casually even, sent spikes of cold rage down his spine, but he played dumb, feigning shock.

“Captain, while I’m honored by your offer, I’m also a bit confused.  With Iron Man as an active member of the team, it doesn’t seem like I’d be needed on active duty.”  Rogers at least had the decency to look apologetic.

“About that.  I don’t know how much you’re aware of the inner workings of the Avengers Initiative or the team dynamics that it entails, but it’s my professional opinion that Iron Man is not suitable to work as a member of this team any longer and should return to his previous position as a consultant.  I’m sorry, Colonel.  I know that Stark’s your friend.  I truly wanted to make this work.  I made an effort on my end, but it has to go both ways.  I’m sure you understand.”  Rhodey looked at the ground, faking contemplation.  He cast his eyes upwards shortly after, meeting the captain’s eyes.

“I understand that you’re an asshole, Captain Rogers.”  Steve’s mouth opened slightly in shock, eyes widening like a cartoon character.  

“Colonel, let’s try to keep this civil, can we?”  He stared the captain down, jaw tense and fists balled.

“No, Rogers, I don’t think we can.  Civility went out the door when you fucked with my best friend’s emotions and treated him like shit after everything he’s done for your sorry ass, so no.  I have no interest in betraying my best friend in the world, the man who is like my brother to me, by taking away the thing that gives his life meaning.  If you kick him off the team, you can figure it out yourself.  Have a nice life, Rogers.”  Before the captain could get a word in edgewise, Rhodey was in the suit and out the door, taking a flying leap off the landing strip of the helicarrier, and on his way back to the tower.  Once back in the penthouse bedroom, Rhodey sighed in sadness at the sight of his friend on the bed, shirtless and in sleep pants, head in his hands.  Sitting down quietly on the bed, Rhodey began to rub his shoulders, trying to soothe the shaking and feeling Tony lean back into his touch without hesitation.  It never failed to anger him how little affection Tony received from his teammates.  It only made it more difficult to leave on missions and tours knowing that the most important person in his life, his family for all intents and purposes, would lack a support system.  Heaven knew Tony needed it more than most.

It had taken Rhodey about two minutes of conversation on their first meeting to realize how badly Tony Stark needed love, and it never ceased to amaze him how few others saw it too.  Even Pepper had taken months to even get an inkling, but Rhodey knew.  He’d known since the second he found the small boy in his dorm room, short and slender, thick glasses sliding down his nose and hair falling in his dark doe eyes, sitting in nearly the same position he was in now.  He’d stuttered through his greeting, Walkman in one hand, duffel bag in the other, barely just shy of fourteen and completely alone.  Rhodey had been aghast nearly beside himself at the thought of such a young kid being left to fend for themselves without a second thought.  All he could think of was his wonderful, loving mama, and how she would’ve never allowed it.  Tony’d been so different then, tougher than he should have been, but still soft, softer than Rhodey could imagine.  It had made it all that much harder to watch the sweet boy from that first day grow and harden into a persona neither of them recognized.

“Hey, Tones, how’re you doing, buddy?”  He didn’t get a response, just a sad keen and a face full of silky chocolate hair as the head it was attached to made its way onto his shoulder.  “Agreed.”  A sad smile ghosted across his lips at the small huff of amusement that came from the armful of human he was in possession of.  “So I had a chat with Rogers.”  That made Tony’s head pop up from its place in the crook of his neck, face painted with fear and anticipation.  

“...And?”  Rhodey refused to make eye contact.  Tony narrowed his glare.  “Rhodes.”  Still, Rhodey avoided his gaze.  “James.  What did you say to him?”  Rhodey sighed in defeat.

“The short version?”  He could almost hear Tony’s eye roll.

“Sure.”  Rhodey flop back on the bed in an exaggerated sprawl of limbs.

“I told ‘im to go fuck himself with a baseball bat.”  He cringed at Tony’s crow of protest.  He felt a thump on his left as his friend collapsed in the same position beside him.

“You’re such a dildo.”  Rhodey swatted him in the face, ignoring the velociraptor shriek of protest.  They both laid there in companionable silence for several moments before Tony broke the silence.  “Thanks, honey bear.”  He bit back a smile, reaching over to ruffle his friend’s hair.

“Anytime, kiddo.  You know I’ve always got your back.”  Tony snuggled closer.

“Yeah, I actually do.”  Rhodey grinned for real this time, tugging the smaller man closer to him chest, half spooning.  Tony laughed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp, just like he’d done for so many years, the habit comfortable between them like an inside joke, smooth and soft on the edges from years of wear.  It was old as the sun to them, and Rhodey wasn’t sure what could be better.

[samanthasroberts]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

div.body_middle_part_right .bodypart:nth-child(n+2),a.prevBody{display:none;}

Source: http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/01/22/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/

[saintkimora]

ok, here is part 2 of the relationship stuff that happened from thursday to today. its taken so long bc ive been so tired w work and my emotions and stuff so i just havent had the energy but now i do. again caleb i would prefer if you didnt read this but i cant really stop you so just do what you want i guess

so i left off w the confrontation in the middle of a field. so i asked caleb a question i was like “be honest, did you cheat on me?” and i told him about how leeann told me he reinstalled grindr a few weeks ago and met this new guy who is named ray. caleb told me his side of the story. it was that he reinstalled grindr just to reconnect w some of his old friends. i asked why he didnt just have their phone numbers already but he said he doesnt give out his phone number that easily. so the grindr part was resolved, his justification made sense. i would have preferred if he just told me when he did it though bc if he just told me in the first place that he reinstalled grindr to talk to old friends i prob wouldve been ok with it, the fact that he hid it was what seemed shady to me

then his explanation of hooking up w a guy before he picked me up to resolve our issue on tuesday night. so it turns out he was actually hanging out w a friend from grindr named dan and they just hung out and played video games. i believed him. leeann said she had just assumed he was hooking up w him so in this case calebs story was acceptable. i mean caleb never offered to play video games with me smh but whatever idc if all they did was play video games im fine w that, i dont want to be stereotypical and say that two gay guys cant just be friends and hang out so i accept his story with dan

but then i found out about ray. ray was a guy that he just met on grindr that he was talking to and was interested in. that part hurt. he said he never met up w him in person though so that was good. i asked about how leeann said he compared me and ray and like highlighted all my personality flaws and he confirmed that yes, that conversation did happen :( he said the flaws he brought up were the same ones he said to me on our tuesday night talk, that i had no work ethic, no real goals, etc. idk why he thinks im just some flop bc i do have clear goals in life since ive literally been set on being a doctor since like 11th grade. i dont want to be a doctor tbh but its still my goal so its not like im just aimless. anyways idk it upset me a lot that he was like weighing the options between me and ray bc ive never like compared him to another guy. he admitted he was wrong talking to ray though and he apologized so i appreciate that he knows he was wrong to do that 

so that was p much it. basically leeann didnt really have ALL of her facts straight. i was still unhappy w what he told me obviously but he apologized and thats whats most important to me tbh. after that i felt a lot better, bc my breathing was kinda labored the entire day bc i was so nervous so my breathing returned to normal and my appetite returned 

so then the rest of the date was nice. we picked up his friend brian so it was the 4 of us and we got tutti frutti. leeann stayed in the car so it just the 3 of us sitting there eating it but then something a little unsettling happened. i was just sitting there enjoying the company and enjoying the snack and brian was like “you could cut the tension with a knife” and we were like theres no tension and brian was like “nvm...awkward silence is the right term” and that really caught me off guard. like i was just sitting there relaxing and enjoying myself and i didnt even know i was being awkward. like it just really reaffirmed how i feel like so disconnected from most people like not to be like “im so special and different” but i really do feel like i dont fit in like i dont know how to interact with people except for on a very surface level and so even though he didnt know it, brians little comment really affected me and made me feel really alone and isolated

so then we went to the boardwalk and it was cold but nice. again i dont do very well in groups but it was alright. it was like a huge burden off my shoulders knowing that i had resolved things with caleb, or so i thought

so that was on thursday. i havent seen him since but we have been texting and talking on the phone and stuff. it seems the issues havent been completely resolved. im still not really sure what exactly we are fighting about but im p sure we can get through it. like i just had some questions left to be answered 

for example, his explanation and leeanns explanations werent adding up about ray. like leeanns message made it seem like he was talking about her to ray on monday, which means that he was talking to ray by monday the latest. but he said he didnt talk to ray until after he broke up w me, which was on tuesday. i asked him and he said leeann just had her days mixed up. it is certainly possible that leeann did have her days mixed up. but kim told me she thinks hes still lying bc he doesnt wanna admit that he was talking to ray before he ended things with me. it is v possible that im kinda blinded by love which is why i have kim, so she can kinda keep me grounded, just like idil and peter do. but overall im choosing to believe caleb bc ive already told him i just want him to be honest w me and i dont think he would be so disrespectful to just continue to lie to me

and like im still trying to process everything. tonight he said that if i bring this stuff up to him one more time past tonight hes just gonna walk away and i dont want that to happen so i guess we are done discussing these issues. he sent me a really nice text last night and he was v nice in person on thursday but he can also get kinda hostile and mean over text, such as in his texts to me tonight. i dont know if he means to come off like this, which is why i wish we could stop discussing serious things over text and save them for when we are in person

so yeah, basically, on thursday we fixed most of the issue but i still had some doubts but after tonight i dont really think i have any. i still really care for him which i why i hate having drama with him and i feel bad bc i feel like i keep dragging it bc every time i think our relationship is fixed but then another new question creeps into my mind and i have to ask which leads to drama. so i feel like i just keep ruining everything but i dont know how to stop and it just sucks

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/182227933232

[allofbeercom]

Are You The One Recap: Gio Olympics 2016—Everyone Is A Fucking Loser

Wooohoo, were back. Last week was a fresh and raging shitstorm and I gotta say, I was really looking forward to this week and holy shit did it not disappoint. Im sure cast members took a long, collective groan when they saw this episode and remembered that bitchy girl on the internet is going to destroy them the next day in the recap.

So lets give the people what they want, shall we?

They all are like, “FUCK WE SUCK AT THIS” after getting 4 beams, 4 weeks in a goddam row. Prosper suggests a good old fashioned orgy, because hes a thinker! They all just need to have sex morethats clearly what theyre missing.

PROSPER: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought,

Gios like hey Prosper, thanks for having my back when I acted like a psycho on TV back there and Prosper is like Id really like to be excluded from this narrative.

Gios like I tried to fight Stephen because of principle and is like if I let one person do it, everyone will. Gio is like an anamorph with some of the shit he says. Everytime he says something that sounds so fucking stupid you want to shove your head into a blender, he morphs further and further into his final form: Donald Trump.

Julias like “I know I should be sad that everyone is fighting over me, but like, Im so happy.” Its not her fault shes so popular!! Meanwhile Stephen is like “LOVE ME PLEASE” and is crying in the confessional. Jesus Christits looking like a tequila kind of night.

Everyone is like they havent even kissed yet!!! which is low-key embarrassing. Its one thing to be pussy whipped when you are, shall we say, getting said pussy.

Julias like KISSING IS HUGEits more important than sex!! Well, one can lead to a child and the other cant, so lets just go with thats wrongthough there are a million Mormon mothers out there who agree with you. Seriously, I had a more intimate relationship in 6th grade.

MORMON MOMS EVERYWHERE: Honey you can only watch MTV if its to watch that nice girl with the overbite who is ABSTAINING. Now come on, get your helmet on and go sell the word of God!

Kaylen and John learn they have a lot in commonmostly just that they cant stand their parents. Thrilling stuff really. I like them both so I wouldnt be mad, just more confused. Yes, very confused.

THE GAME

YES, best part of the season: the dudes exes are here. The girls are so pumped and the guys are trying to find the tallest building to jump off.

The exes come out and they are disappointing to say the least. Def bottom tier sorority status. But hey, yall got a free trip to Maui so like, good job. Congrats on dating losers, I guess it worked out in the end.

Tylers like my ex threw a box of wine at my head, which is a little embarrassing for several reasons. First of all, you just admitted you’re poor. I havent drank boxed wine since I was 19 in a frat house (aka Morgans mothership). And for maximum damage, you should always throw a bottle. And this has been another episode of: teaching someone very obvious things!

The dudes pair with their exes and they get asked questionswhoever answers the most similarly gets a point. Propser doesnt have an ex because his longest relationship was three weeks LOLLLLL. He basically has to sit it out because he ghosts too much. Im weak.

Question 1: Does your ex still think youre a good catch?

Gios ex is like, . Hes immature and Kaylens like Hes also fucking crazy, dont forget that yall. John, Asaf, Stephen and Cam get it right. Moving on.

Question 2: In one word how did your ex describe your relationship?

Gio gets a match because he said crazy and she said ridiculous. At least Gio fucking knows hes crazy. Admitting is the first step.

Morgans ex said that hes really smart and he acts like a stupid frat boy and its like, LOL okay. Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, honey. Maybe if you keep telling yourself you didnt date TFMs poster boy, you might retain some self-respect. I get it.

Toris like WOW hes so deep! Underneath all that muscle and that abnormally square head, he has a heart! Fucking incredible.

Question 3: Does your ex think youre ready to settle down?

Everyone says no. Im sure your matches are PUMPED. Johns very excited about this*fist bumps everyone around him* *pounds beer and crushes it on his forehead* *screams FUCK YEAH MERICA!*

Question 4:What animal best describes your personality?

Tylers ex is literally here to ruin lives, Im low-key living for it.

RYAN: What animal is Tyler? EX: Dog shit RYAN: Thats not an animal EX: RYAN: EX: RYAN: Okay, dog shit it is.

Stephen keeps getting them wrong and Gio keeps getting them rightmostly because every answer has been something like crazy, psycho or horrible. Gios like know yourself, know your worth.

Its down to John, Gio and Cam and Stephen is praying that John/Cam win. Putting your faith in Cam is like waiting for rain in this droughtuseless and disappointing (name that movie, Sam.)

Last Question: Does your ex think you still have feelings for her?

Cam, of course answers it incorrectly, so its John and Gio. Its also, dare I say, fucking lit.

John picks Kaylen and Gio picks, of course, Julia. Talk about the most awkward double date ever. This has given me life.

Julia and Stephen are talking and Stephen is like freaking out about Gio and Julia. He def very worried that Gio may be right.

STEPHEN: That plan is crazy JULIA: I know STEPHEN: So crazy. It just might work

Gios like “I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD OTHERWISE IM GONNA RUIN EVERYTHING FOR ALL OF YOU FUCKERS.” Basically, Gio is a giant asshole. Case closed, bring in the dancing lobsters.

There is a lot of mixed opinions here. Some want to vote Julia/Gio in because itll end this shit, some dont want to waste a truth booth.

HALF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Regina George because she got hit by a bus. THE OTHER HALF OF THE HOUSE: Im voting for Cady heron because shes the one that pushed her.

Prosper and Bagel are cuddling and laughing and let me tell you, I never saw this coming. Hes like youre sexy and Bagels like “I KNOW.” Our self-conscious little Bagel has grown into a confident young pastry *tear.

Tori and Morgan are in a room talking about repopulating the world and other totally relevant shit. Morgan is clearly hammered and is feeling on her ass, talking about her giant ass belly button.

Shes like I had to grow into my belly button and hes like “AH SO THATS WHY YOU GAINED WEIGHT.” YOOOOOOOO, that shit was loaded. Remember that big heart and big brain Morgan supposedly has? Best joke thats been told on this show.

He then is like NO NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT! and then is like I wish your ass was fatter. This whole conversation could honestly go down in history as the worst thing to ever exist. Wow, bravo to all involved.

THE WORLDS MOST UNCOMFORTABLE DATE AKA EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED

For the date, they are going wakeboarding, where Stephen hopes Gio accidently drowns, whoopsie. John gets up on the wake board and Kaylens like And yeah, she really does fucking suck.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THOSE TWO!!! Gio keeps touching Julia and shes like kinda uncomfortable, kinda not stopping it, which is the story of Julias life.

Mind you, this girl believes kissing is like the ultimate commitment while Gios like, a sex addict.

CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS/GIO: I’m a sex addict. It’s my cross to bear. It’s a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!

Gios like if I leave here without you I have nothing! and its like, we get it, youre homeless. She says they only have a physical connection and hes like “I KNOW ISNT IT GREAT!?!”

GIO: *plays music* You and me baby aint nothing but mammals so lets do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

They argue the whole time and Gio is like YOURE MINE. Honestly, this dude needs to be put in a psych ward, not a homeless shelter. What are you gonna do, Gio? Fucking share a cot with Julia? Make her hold the sign while you panhandle?

TRUTH BOOTH

Gios like “When I won the challenge, it was amazing. Like fate, karma, the universe, anal sex. But now I feel jipped. What did he expect? They were gonna start fucking on the wakeboarding date?

Gio believes there is still a chance that Julia becomes so afraid for her safety she finally submits to himhes really holding out for that.

Obviously, Julia and Gio are voted to the truth booth. Stephen is like “THIS COULD CHANGE MY LIFE” and its like, nah probs not but ok.

John is pissed because, hes right, they fucking blew a truth booth on this bullshit. Its like, very clear that they are not a match and they just blew this whole thing.

Gios like the house is gonna feel stupid AF and Morgans like NO, youre gonna feel stupidwhen were like, right and stuff. ANYWAYS YOURE FAT!

While Gios planning his hostile takeover of Julias bed, shes like should I cut my wrist horizontally or vertically?

Im on edge and drinking excessively. This is low-key nerve wracking. But the results are in.

Hey Gio? Are you a 90s band that peaked with one song about cocaine? BECAUSE YOUR THIRD EYE IS BLIND, BITCH. NO MATCH FOR GIO AND JULIA, DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

GIO, SADLY SINGING: I want somethin else *tear* to get me through this, semi-charmed kind of life, baby baby

And Julias like “there is someone out there for you, but that girl is NOT ME. FUCK YES!” Hes like in there crying and shes like checking her watch like, can we go now?

Stephen is crying too wtf is going on? Johns like consoling him and seriously, Ive seen less tears in my sorority house.

Julias like there, there Gio. Youve been through worse. Yeah honestly Gio, youve lived on the fucking streets. This is the least of your problems.

They come back and John is like and tells Gio that he needs to apologize to the group, Stephen and Julia. Honestly, Im a few tequila shots deep, because my life now consists of drinking alone and watching MTV reality shows, and Im all about John rn. Like is he really sexy or am I fucking hammered?

The conversation goes like: JOHN: Apologize GIO: no JOHN: please die

Julia thanks Stephen for being by her side and dealing with the fact she has never kissed him and he still tries to fight dudes twice his size. And finally they kiss. Aw, Julias first kiss! Babys first rave, babys first rave!

GIO, STILL CRYING AND SINGING: I wish you would step out from that ledge my friend.

The next day, Asaf and Franny are messing around and making out and hes like SHE VERY FUN, hehe. My mom and I discussed this whole thing in a riveting conversation below:

Morgan and the team get a meeting together and decide to do 100% new couples, except Asaf and Camille, because they are probs a match. This is a terrible idea. But Im here for it.

Stephen is like “THIS IS BULLSHIT! I want to pick Julia!” Im ready to put this whole relationship to bed, honestly.

MATCHUP CEREMONY

Ryan is wearing a fugly gray shirt that fades into plaid. Seriously that shit looks like the Sean John collection circa 11. Yikes.

Gio is up first and Ryan is like how did it feel to be wrong? Gios like Well sometimes the third eye has blurry vision, ya know? Who could say?

Gio kind of apologizes to Stephen, but not really.

GIO: I dont hate you because you’re fat; you’re fat because I hate you.

Gio picks Nicegirl Nicole, which is funny because she is the one who looks like she hates him the most half the time.

Prosper picks Franny and Ryans like OKAY, what the fuck are you people doing? Franny explains the strategy and Ryans like, Well arent you all just a bunch of loveable asswipes?

Stephen is up next. Hes like Waiting for that kiss was so worth it. Now hes just gotta wait for his balls to drop.

Ryans like “Are you going to pick Julia” and Morgans like bro Ill fucking haze the shit out of you bro if you fucking do thatFATASS! Of course, he goes against the grain and picks Julia. Ah, selfish men and criers, Julia has a type.

They start making out in front of everyone like Mormon moms everywhere are turning off their TVs, cursing that sinning whore Julia.

Tyler picks Bagel.

Cam picks Tori.

All the confirmed perfect matches at this point are like

Morgan picks Victoria.

Asaf says he thinks Franny is the one, which is very weird since a few weeks ago she was like his sister. Ryans like You mad youre not with her? and hes like STRATEGY, VERY NICE.

Asaf is like Acting like hes fucking jumping on a bomb instead of picking a girl to sit by for 3 minutes. John and Kaylen ARE last and they look miserable.

Kaylens like Gio I loved you and you fucking blew it and were wrong!!! Uh, you two arent a match either? Time to move the fuck on.

Of course, true to the martyr theme we got going here, hes like

RYAN:If you loved her you wouldnt have left her GIO: Honestly I feel so attacked right now

Suddenly Gio is saying that everything he did was for Kaylen. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.

Like a speech from a riveting sports movie, Camille is like NO YOU FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT AND HELP US WIN THIS MONEY and everyone claps along. Like yeah Gio, lets go out there and win this fucking game! And Gios likehmmm, maybe some money and future prospects in life would be cool.

Were waiting for the beams and they arent coming. HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. This is not a thing rn. OH, but it isTHEY GET A BLACKOUT.

This means Stephen/Julia, John/Kaylen AND Camille/Asaf arent matches. I think all 10,000 people who watch this show are stunned into shock.

They just lost 250,000 dollars, as Victoria so eloquently screams. Looks like youll be drinking boxed wine forever, Tyler.

Wow, this shit. This shit practically wrote itself. How did Gios third eye not see this coming?

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-recap-gio-olympics-2016-everyone-is-a-fucking-loser/