#she wanted me to mail it back but i had hella mail anxiety for multiple reasons
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#so i tried to make a new fb convo about another family photoshoot im doing this weekend#and it does a weird thing where it disappears on me so i went scrolling through past convos to see if it maybe dropped to the bottom#or something and wow conversations from 2012 2015 wowow i hope my speakin talkin skills are better and less obnoxious#probably not i talk in my tags like im talking to ppl#anyways point is i found one of the only convos i had with my first serious ex#and man i remember first reading that message and being pissed because although my ex had given me a necklace#she wanted me to mail it back but i had hella mail anxiety for multiple reasons#plus i was still like 16 at the time and dealing with a homophobe mother and didnt want her to keep questioning me on why i was sending mail#to my ex that she knew and actively was trying to limit my communication with in the past#so i just didnt do it for years out of fear and not because i necessarily wanted to keep it#and then after like 3 years of me not replying to her messages my ex was finally like heres my new address. im still expecting it back#and i was so done and finally emotionally distanced from that situation that out of spite in a way i finally mailed back the fucking thing#and never talked to her again#so yeah that all flooded back again and for the first time in literally 7 years#i thought about reaching out which i know sounds suss cause shes my ex but thats not even it lol it was an awful relationship plus i was#13 when we started dating and then i had to cut it off when i was 17 cause it was bad bad bad bad and i know that it would never work out#even if we both changed a bunch she had a ton of mental health issues that no 13 yo should be expected to help carry with no support of my o#but yeah i was being a prick and slithering around her profile a bit to see that she went to business school and says that she had/is major#ing in social work interestingly which you know i wouldnt say wouldnt fit her its just surprising and a coincidence with where my life is#but yeah good for her i hope shes in a better place but especially because if she plans on being a sw shes gotta deal with her own shit#before helping others because wow :) ive had too many first and second hand experiences with students and even licensed professionals lol#but anyways this kind of came out of nowhere and i need yall to convince me to not strike up a conversation because i want to see if shes#changed and matured but i also dont want to get involved in anything fucking dumb and go back to being a toxic 15 yo you know
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