#she tied it into some weird brand of feminism too

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi it’s me again here to annoy you about hamlet - you’re on act 2 right? That’s the beginning of the “fuck around” stage of the play as I would call it. A lot of it is setup for what happens in act 3, which really gets the ball rolling imo. But! Since you’ve started, you’ve met my favorite character (horatio) who I can’t really talk about in full perspective until you’re finished but… he really is an important character even if he doesn’t seem important at certain points. Do you have a favorite yet? (sorry I don’t want to pester im just really excited to hear what you think about it)

Hi again! It's not annoying, don't worry; you're allowed to express your interest and excitement :)

I just finished act 2 and am now at the beginning of act 3! And I think I can see what you mean--I'm not far, but it seems like things are about to Start Happening. We've got the ghosts, we've got the foul players, we've got the background. Now it's time to Do It.

I don't think I know any of the characters well enough yet to have favorites, though I am intrigued by Ophelia. And of course having more info about Hamlet makes him more appealing by default for the time being. But! I have seen you talk about Horatio quite frequently, though in all honesty I didn't read the posts in full because I hadn't read Hamlet. I'll keep my eye on him though :)

And of course, Polonius and Claudius's schemes and what each of them are doing intrigue me, even though I may not like them!

[smokeybrandreviews]

No Fate But What We Make

I was watching someone go in on Terminator: Dark Fate for having too many identity politics and it got me thinking; Why are all of the Terminator sequels after Judgment Day, absolute sh*t? I really enjoy the first two films and even consider the third a guilty pleasure. I remember seeing Salvation in the cinema and thinking to myself how goddamn terrible it was a a film. I passed on Genisys when it was released in theater but caught it on VOD. Man, the less said about THAT clusterf*ck, the better. I passed on Dark Fate, too, until it hit home. Admittedly, i liked that one more than it’s predecessors but that’s because it’s basically Terminator 2 with hints of the emotional sprinkled in, and the T-X from 3. With a world rich in potential like the Terminator franchise, why can no one make a good sequel? Why do all of these movies constantly suck? Interestingly enough, i think each subsequent film explains, through there very existence, why the franchise needed to end after Judgment Day.

Judgment Day - The Narrative is closed.

Sarah and John Connor are over. Their story is done with the climax to Judgment Day. There is no where to take those characters. Forcing them into a narrative outside of the future war will never work. I liked what they tried to do with The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but even that plot got convoluted and asinine real quick. Which is why i find it funny Genisys cribbed a ton of ideas from it. Sarah Connor’s story is, one hundred percent, resolved. After Judgement day, she’s irrelevant. That film was the passing of the torch to John, so to speak. It’s supposed to be his franchise now, like Dragon Ball Z was supposed to be Gohan’s series. Thing is, how do you tell that story? How do you embellish John’s narrative without making a contrived cash grab? The answer is you can’t. That’s why Cameron never revisited the world of Terminator. His story was done. Those characters were finished. To him, the story was told and there weren’t anymore to tell. That don’t stop studios, tho!

Rise of the Machines - No one cares about awkward adult John Connor

Terminator 3 is a notorious cash grab of a story but i like it enough. It’s harmless to the mythos, overall, and has some cool ideas but it falls short in so many other aspects. I think this one was the first to be rated PG-13, which neuters much of the action the franchise was known for. It kind of made up for it with Kristanna Loken naked and wet for a little while. Also inflate-o-boobs. The killer flaw with this movie is the fact no one cares about John Connor as an adult outside of his war time bad-assery. That bit with the nightmare he couldn’t possibly have, because he has no idea what the future war looks like, in the beginning off the film? Yeah, that’s where the franchise should of went. That’s where the logical narrative progression goes. That’s what everyone wanted to see. Instead, we got a vagabond John Connor who’s too stupid to move out of the city he grew up in, after “dropping off the grid.” Shenanigans ensue, Terminatrix occurs, Judgment Day still happens. Colonel Candy is the best thing about this movie and that scene was cut completely out of the goddamn movie. Also, what the f*ck happened to Cyberdyne?

Salvation - The future war needs to have a compelling story

The thing about Salvation and why it failed so miserably even though it is exactly what fans wanted, is the fact that it’s rehash crap. You get glimpses of that dystopian future in the beginning of the first three films, each peek getting better and more elaborate as budgets increase and tech gets better. By the time Salvation blew it’s load all over cinemas, every one had an idea about what that war would look like. How awesome would it be to see a wave of robot skeletons unloading on human targets. The “creatives” chose to set this film in the beginning of the goddamn war. John is not the bad-ass he should be. He’s kind of a petulant asshole, to be honest. I mean, motherf*cker ain’t even in charge. More egregious is the fact that this is literally Terminator 2. all over again. Adult John is Reese, Young Reese is young John, and the T-8oo is that weird hybrid dude. There are some original elements but they’re terrible and inconsequential. We were promised a barren, dystopian, world of ashen skulls and metallic terrors, slaughtering humanity in unrelenting waves. We got Vietnam with cyborgs. No one asked for that. You showed us what we wanted and gave us a box of sh*t instead.

Genisys - Set it in an alternate timeline that convolutes the already convoluted mythos

Alternate timeline is actually a viable option and completely plausible withing the established law of the universe. Genisys made an attempt at this and i thought it was an admirable try. Unfortunately, the movie starts a convoluted mess. If you go this route, you have to set up a brand new narrative, a brand new arc. You need a new conflict and new characters. You can’t rehash the sh*t you did before because, at that point, why the f*ck am i watching the new movie? Why wouldn’t i just watch the original content? That’s exactly the trap Genisys falls into. There’s a lot of great ideas but the execution was just plain awful. All of that time jumping and alterations and whatever else, created a plot so bloated, you’d be forgiven in you thought it was ripe for slaughter. Terminator was never this heady. The plots to the most successful entries in the franchise are exceedingly simple. Protect Sarah Connor. Protect John Connor. Stop Skynet. What the f*ck is the plot to Genisys? Why is there so much extra sh*t in the way of the three leads and their development? I liked Terminator John though. That design was dope as f*ck. Also, i have a massive crush on Daenerys Targaryen so watching her in anything is kind of dope. Even this fart. 

Dark Fate - Reboot the franchise but cling to the old like your life, and profits, depend on it

This option is probably the best option going forward. I would love to see the future war that Cameron envisioned but i doubt he revisits this franchise. He’s got a hard-on for Fantasia or Avatar or whatever the f*ck the blue cats do over there. Dark Fate f*cked up by being wildly unoriginal. Everyone says it’s the best sequels since Judgment Day but that’s because these assholes pulled a Force Awakens and literally just remade Judgment Day. It’s the same movie, beat for beat. They even brought Sarah Connor back to be the mentor figure. Like i stated before, there is a ton of “muh feminism” all up in this movie and that is divisive to lesser people but my problem with all of this “GRRRL Power”, i s the fact that none of them are good, well written, characters. They even found a way to make Sarah Connor a caricature of who she once was. You’d think watching her son be murdered in front of her, buy a machine from a future they eliminated, would give you some kind of PTSD. That sh*t wasn’t even remotely explored. Dark Fate hits the rarefied air of being a terribly bad narrative AND a botched rehash.

The Terminator franchise should have never made it past Judgment Day. Those two films were excellent and told a comprehensive story. The characters reached their inevitable conclusion and most plot points were resolved. If you wanted to make a Terminator sequel, the Connor saga had to end. You absolutely had to move away from those characters and that part of the world. But that’s that conundrum; How do you create that story? What characters are even relevant to that very specific, very Connor-cenetric, narrative? Who in the Resistance is worth following? Who is in the Resistance, period? What event is worth creating? A lot of long running franchises have this problem. Aliens is crippled by this sh*t. We finally got off the Ripley train but now we’re on the David train. I feel like there are incredibly creative individuals out there that can do something with the the Terminator toy box. Neill Blomkamp immediately comes to mind. The stuff he wanted to do with Alien was incredible and I think time traveling, cyborg, war machines is one helluva world to play in. Alex garland can probably give you some sort of existential terror to grapple like he did with Ex Machina and Annihilation. I think he'd be great with portraying the incremental evolution of Skynet and it's eventually take over. Denis Villeneuve did wonders with Blade Runner. His flair for sweeping visuals and impactful scenes would be perfect to frame the future war. Any of these directors could create a dope ass Terminator film but it would be an original tale, something not tied to the Connor saga, and there's no way any studio would allow that to happen, not in this tepid Hollywood atmosphere. There is a distinct lack of creativity in Hollywood and an acute aversion to taking actual risks. That sh*t has handicapped the box office. That sh*t is why all we get are reboots , sequels, and reimaginings. That sh*t is why Terminator should have died back with Judgment Day.

[smokeybrand]

No Fate But What We Make

I was watching someone go in on Terminator: Dark Fate for having too many identity politics and it got me thinking; Why are all of the Terminator sequels after Judgment Day, absolute sh*t? I really enjoy the first two films and even consider the third a guilty pleasure. I remember seeing Salvation in the cinema and thinking to myself how goddamn terrible it was a a film. I passed on Genisys when it was released in theater but caught it on VOD. Man, the less said about THAT clusterf*ck, the better. I passed on Dark Fate, too, until it hit home. Admittedly, i liked that one more than it’s predecessors but that’s because it’s basically Terminator 2 with hints of the emotional sprinkled in, and the T-X from 3. With a world rich in potential like the Terminator franchise, why can no one make a good sequel? Why do all of these movies constantly suck? Interestingly enough, i think each subsequent film explains, through there very existence, why the franchise needed to end after Judgment Day.

Judgment Day - The Narrative is closed.

Sarah and John Connor are over. Their story is done with the climax to Judgment Day. There is no where to take those characters. Forcing them into a narrative outside of the future war will never work. I liked what they tried to do with The Sarah Connor Chronicles, but even that plot got convoluted and asinine real quick. Which is why i find it funny Genisys cribbed a ton of ideas from it. Sarah Connor’s story is, one hundred percent, resolved. After Judgement day, she’s irrelevant. That film was the passing of the torch to John, so to speak. It’s supposed to be his franchise now, like Dragon Ball Z was supposed to be Gohan’s series. Thing is, how do you tell that story? How do you embellish John’s narrative without making a contrived cash grab? The answer is you can’t. That’s why Cameron never revisited the world of Terminator. His story was done. Those characters were finished. To him, the story was told and there weren’t anymore to tell. That don’t stop studios, tho!

Rise of the Machines - No one cares about awkward adult John Connor

Terminator 3 is a notorious cash grab of a story but i like it enough. It’s harmless to the mythos, overall, and has some cool ideas but it falls short in so many other aspects. I think this one was the first to be rated PG-13, which neuters much of the action the franchise was known for. It kind of made up for it with Kristanna Loken naked and wet for a little while. Also inflate-o-boobs. The killer flaw with this movie is the fact no one cares about John Connor as an adult outside of his war time bad-assery. That bit with the nightmare he couldn’t possibly have, because he has no idea what the future war looks like, in the beginning off the film? Yeah, that’s where the franchise should of went. That’s where the logical narrative progression goes. That’s what everyone wanted to see. Instead, we got a vagabond John Connor who’s too stupid to move out of the city he grew up in, after “dropping off the grid.” Shenanigans ensue, Terminatrix occurs, Judgment Day still happens. Colonel Candy is the best thing about this movie and that scene was cut completely out of the goddamn movie. Also, what the f*ck happened to Cyberdyne?

Salvation - The future war needs to have a compelling story

The thing about Salvation and why it failed so miserably even though it is exactly what fans wanted, is the fact that it’s rehash crap. You get glimpses of that dystopian future in the beginning of the first three films, each peek getting better and more elaborate as budgets increase and tech gets better. By the time Salvation blew it’s load all over cinemas, every one had an idea about what that war would look like. How awesome would it be to see a wave of robot skeletons unloading on human targets. The “creatives” chose to set this film in the beginning of the goddamn war. John is not the bad-ass he should be. He’s kind of a petulant asshole, to be honest. I mean, motherf*cker ain’t even in charge. More egregious is the fact that this is literally Terminator 2. all over again. Adult John is Reese, Young Reese is young John, and the T-8oo is that weird hybrid dude. There are some original elements but they’re terrible and inconsequential. We were promised a barren, dystopian, world of ashen skulls and metallic terrors, slaughtering humanity in unrelenting waves. We got Vietnam with cyborgs. No one asked for that. You showed us what we wanted and gave us a box of sh*t instead.

Genisys - Set it in an alternate timeline that convolutes the already convoluted mythos

Alternate timeline is actually a viable option and completely plausible withing the established law of the universe. Genisys made an attempt at this and i thought it was an admirable try. Unfortunately, the movie starts a convoluted mess. If you go this route, you have to set up a brand new narrative, a brand new arc. You need a new conflict and new characters. You can’t rehash the sh*t you did before because, at that point, why the f*ck am i watching the new movie? Why wouldn’t i just watch the original content? That’s exactly the trap Genisys falls into. There’s a lot of great ideas but the execution was just plain awful. All of that time jumping and alterations and whatever else, created a plot so bloated, you’d be forgiven in you thought it was ripe for slaughter. Terminator was never this heady. The plots to the most successful entries in the franchise are exceedingly simple. Protect Sarah Connor. Protect John Connor. Stop Skynet. What the f*ck is the plot to Genisys? Why is there so much extra sh*t in the way of the three leads and their development? I liked Terminator John though. That design was dope as f*ck. Also, i have a massive crush on Daenerys Targaryen so watching her in anything is kind of dope. Even this fart.

Dark Fate - Reboot the franchise but cling to the old like your life, and profits, depend on it

This option is probably the best option going forward. I would love to see the future war that Cameron envisioned but i doubt he revisits this franchise. He’s got a hard-on for Fantasia or Avatar or whatever the f*ck the blue cats do over there. Dark Fate f*cked up by being wildly unoriginal. Everyone says it’s the best sequels since Judgment Day but that’s because these assholes pulled a Force Awakens and literally just remade Judgment Day. It’s the same movie, beat for beat. They even brought Sarah Connor back to be the mentor figure. Like i stated before, there is a ton of “muh feminism” all up in this movie and that is divisive to lesser people but my problem with all of this “GRRRL Power”, i s the fact that none of them are good, well written, characters. They even found a way to make Sarah Connor a caricature of who she once was. You’d think watching her son be murdered in front of her, buy a machine from a future they eliminated, would give you some kind of PTSD. That sh*t wasn’t even remotely explored. Dark Fate hits the rarefied air of being a terribly bad narrative AND a botched rehash.

The Terminator franchise should have never made it past Judgment Day. Those two films were excellent and told a comprehensive story. The characters reached their inevitable conclusion and most plot points were resolved. If you wanted to make a Terminator sequel, the Connor saga had to end. You absolutely had to move away from those characters and that part of the world. But that’s that conundrum; How do you create that story? What characters are even relevant to that very specific, very Connor-cenetric, narrative? Who in the Resistance is worth following? Who is in the Resistance, period? What event is worth creating? A lot of long running franchises have this problem. Aliens is crippled by this sh*t. We finally got off the Ripley train but now we’re on the David train. I feel like there are incredibly creative individuals out there that can do something with the the Terminator toy box. Neill Blomkamp immediately comes to mind. The stuff he wanted to do with Alien was incredible and I think time traveling, cyborg, war machines is one helluva world to play in. Alex garland can probably give you some sort of existential terror to grapple like he did with Ex Machina and Annihilation. I think he'd be great with portraying the incremental evolution of Skynet and it's eventually take over. Denis Villeneuve did wonders with Blade Runner. His flair for sweeping visuals and impactful scenes would be perfect to frame the future war. Any of these directors could create a dope ass Terminator film but it would be an original tale, something not tied to the Connor saga, and there's no way any studio would allow that to happen, not in this tepid Hollywood atmosphere. There is a distinct lack of creativity in Hollywood and an acute aversion to taking actual risks. That sh*t has handicapped the box office. That sh*t is why all we get are reboots , sequels, and reimaginings. That sh*t is why Terminator should have died back with Judgment Day.

[thumper-darling]

Yo those Q's are cute will u do me a solid and do all of them?

1. what colors are in your room?

Dark orange, cream, and gold

2. who was your favorite school teacher?

Basically every English teacher I’ve ever had. 

3. what are some passions of yours?

Writing, reading, watching films, eating sushi, and being around the people that I love 

4. when you drink coffee, do you like it black or with cream and sugar?

already answered in a separate post

5. are you self-conscious about anything? if so, what?

e v e r y t h i n g 

6. do you have any tips for self-love?

already answered in a separate post

7. do you have any stuffed animals? Do you name them?

I have a stuffed rabbit and a stuffed fox. The rabbit is named Alice and the fox is named Cadence.

8. do you like drawing or painting more?

doodling is where it’s at 

9. how do you sleep?

not well

10. what are some things that always make you smile?

already answered in a previous post

11. living in the city, mountains, small town, or out in the middle of nowhere?

city living is where it’s at 

12. what's your dream house?

A really cozy apartment or a loft? that’d be fun. Or a colonial fashion house with a yellow exterior and cobblestone accents. 

13. how many pets do you wish to have?

3. I have my dog now, but I also want a german shepherd and a calico cat. 

14. have you ever dyed your hair? do you want to? what color?

lol yeah, I’ve had almost every damn shade of red and then got too tired of doing that so now it’s just dark brown. I wouldn’t mind dying it some sort of turquoise or emerald green? That’d be fun 

15. what's your opinion on keeping a diary?

It’s great for looking back on the good times 

16. what's your opinion on keeping an art journal?

HONESTLY they’re beautiful and I encourage everyone to try to have some form of creative outlets

17. any art tips?

You are asking the w r o n g person my dude

18. talk about a moment where time stopped

time is an illusion anyways so why does it matter?

19. do you keep playlists for your music?

HECK YES I’m honestly a whore for sectioning songs off into playlists

20. is there anyone out there that you trust with your life?

Idk, my sister?

21. are you your number one priority?

N O 

22. do you always type correctly or do you make millions of typos?

Not usually unless it’s my annoying sister or somebody that is bothering me 

23. recommend some music!!

Daft Punk Boys by Bad Suns

Growing Up by Phil Good

Helena Beat by Foster The People 

24. are your nails perfectly painted, chipped, or plain?

P L A I N 

25. do you believe in wishing on a shooting star?

For sure, but I’m not sure it actually does any good 

26. did you see the eclipse? describe it!!

no :’) 

27. tell us what you love about nature

It’s spontaneity and damn are trees pretty

28. who are you? describe yourself!

My name is Becca, I’m 17, a hufflepuff & a scorpio. I’m allergic to seafood, and bunnies, but I love both soooo. My favorite childhood movie is All Dogs Go To Heaven and my favorite Superhero is Spider-dude. 

29. what type of music do you like, and why?

Alternative/ Indie pop 

30. what's your favorite clothing store? why do you love it so much?

Charlotte Russe because it has high quality clothes in my sizes 

31. thrift stores or name brand stores?

Both? 

32. do you like wearing your s.o clothes?

BITCH WHAT SIGNIFICANT OTHER :’) 

   yes

33. when did you start tumblr? why did you decide to?

because I wanted to get to the source of da memes 

34. what's your face care routine?

try not to cry when I look in the mirror :’) , and if I do cry I use my tears as a moisturizer 

35. freckles or dimples?

F R E C K L E S 

36. name something you think should be banned from the universe

Tronald J. Dump 

37. tell us something you did as a kid that you loved

I loved to catch frogs and I read a lot of books homie 

38. mom or dad?

mom 

39. do you buy expensive things just for the aesthetic or do you actually use everything you buy?

I literally don’t use any of the things I buy except for clothes damn I have a problem 

40. tell us about something you're strongly opinionated about

I already answered this in a previous post

41. do you take peoples advice or do you have to figure things out yourself?

I ask for advice from multiple people, and then I sort of find a part of all the advice that has common ground and try to apply it to my situation 

42. bra or no bra?

no bra 

43. would you rather be cute or comfy?

HONESTLY COMFY IS CUTE SO HECK OFF 

44. tell us about a moment in your life where everything went just perfect

I don’t remember 

45. do you believe in anything? aliens? god? bigfoot?

I’m a Sasquatch bitch. Also, aliens are out there soooo 

46. how much water do you drink a day?

Not enough @doctormelapples

47. how do you feel about your natural hair?

I miss it. I used to have some curls in my hair, but I dyed it so much that the texture of my hair changed a bit. 

48. what does the sky look like right now? clear? cloudy? pink? blue? rainy?

It’s a very light blue with some spaced out cloud placement 

49. would you be a prince or a king? princess or a queen?

None of the above, that’s too much pressure 

50. tell us about your favorite outfit!

Off the shoulder gray knit sweater with black ripped jeans

51. name a few things you love about yourself

My eyes, my freckles, my humor, my creativity, and my determination 

52. are you open-minded?

Yeah my dude 

53. do you judge? could someone come to you in any situation they're in and you not judge them?

I really try not to be a judgmental person, but everyone has flaws and it’s definitely one of those things that I’m working on. 

54. do you like planning ahead?

I HAVE TO 

55. tell us how you feel about school

stop

56. talk about your first pet

A small orange cat named Angel. She was satan i swear to god 

57. chocolate or strawberry milk?

chocolate 

58. were you/are you in a fandom? if so, what?

A GOOD AMOUNT 

59. spotify, pandora, or itunes?

I’m a spotify kinda bitch 

60. favorite disney princess movie?

The Princess and The Frog 

61. favorite disney movie

Bolt 

62. what's a subject that you think people don't talk about enough?

English 

63. how long does it take you to let your phone update?

Idk, 20 minutes? 

64. describe the fifth picture on your phone!

A blurry tree with string lights hanging from the branches. Taken at 2:04 am, August 16th, 2017 

65. favorite movie and why?

I hate this question because I am a film enthusiast and honestly I love too many movies for such different reasons 

66. do you watch studio ghibli? what's the first one you saw? what's your favorite one?

Not really, I just never got into studio ghibli movies 

67. you're home alone. describe how the setting is. music? what kind of music? tv on? what show?

Music: loud

TV: on

Movies: playing

bra: off

Food: eaten 

68. how often do you say "i love you"?

Too much and not enough 

69. do you have any weird things you obsess over?

p e n c i l s 

70. do you like being single or do you wish you had a partner?

depends on the day idk

71. what's the last drink you had?

a caramel macchiato 

72. talk about the easiest person to talk to

she’s a real ass bitch and all around classy gal 

73. give us some of your favorite blogs!

@doctormelapples, @parkersenses

74. if you could have one wish, what would it be?

Wish for free college and a successful future thx

75. do you sing in the shower?

It’s best for everyone if they never know 

76. how often do you shave? or do you wax? or do you not shave?

I shave according to my outfit choice 

77. tell us about a habit you wish you could stop

I wish I could stop tapping on everything 

78. do you listen to your own advice?

No, I’m not a stable person thx 4 asking 

79. do you love yourself? if not, are you trying to?

It’s a work in progress

80. tell us about your favorite halloween!! what did you dress up as? did you get a lot of candy?

When I was younger I used to have these poppin halloween parties and one year I had a haunted house and dressed up as a haunted doll it was fun tis all 

Also, I was late to my own party 

81. first memory that pops in your head, talk about it.

First day of school in my junior year. I was late and have been late every first day since then.

82. how are you? what are you feeling? how has your week gone?

I think things are going well 

83. rant.

It’s almost impossible for me to rant? So thank you, but no thank you 

84. do you worry about something a lot? if so, what?

Already answered in a previous post 

85. do you think long distance works?

I’m sure it works for the right people 

86. would you date someone younger than you? older than you?

Yeah, I don’t really mind dating a bit out of my age range as long as our mentality matches?

87. name some people you'd love to meet

Tom Holland thx 

88. what were some things you were scared of as a kid?

My older sister’s scream mask and knives 

89. tell us about your favorite birthday

My friends surprised me with a birthday cake and a bunch of presents during my school lunch and the cafeteria sang to me?? I had v good friends. 

90. how is high school?

It was definitely a journey 

91. tell us the worst pick-up line you've ever heard

None of them because I have never had a pick-up line used on me. ehhhhh 

92. every been groped or catcalled? how'd it make you feel? what did you do?

People can be disgusting and they don’t understand that your body isn’t there just for them to touch, so fuck that person who thought it was 

93. opinion of feminism?

F E M I N I S M IS THE F U T U R E 

94. tell us about a time you got embarrassed

Today in class when I was late :’) 

95. ever had a pregnancy scare? tell us about it!

jinkies 

96. tell us about your best friend

All she talks about water but it’s okay because she’s pure and beautiful

97. what's your opinion on planning your life out?

I mean, it’s nice and extremely helpful to have a timeline or a potential outline for how you want your life to turn out. But don’t expect everything to go according to plan?? Like, just leave a bit of wiggle room in your future for unexpected adventures. :) 

98. describe what you think afterlife is like

energy cannot be created nor destroyed 

99. talking on the phone or texting?

Talking on the phone because I’m lame as heck over text 

100. how do you feel about the way most teachers treat students?

alReADy ANswerEd in a PREviOus PosT 

101. what's a word you use more than others?

H E C K

heck

heckin

hecking 

[agrandquiet]

The Emoji Movie Review

I’ve been struggling to start my review of The Emoji Movie. It’s bad. It’s reeeaaaal bad. It’s so fucking bad. And I think that would probably be the cool way to approach it. You shouldn’t watch the The Emoji Movie because it’s shit. It’s a bad story, incredibly poorly told. It features some of the most grating and uncharismatic voice acting you’ve ever heard in one of these things. It is profoundly, profoundly unpleasant to look at for any long period of time. And despite the fact that it steals it’s every idea from a panoply of better movies not a single gram of their greatness rubs off onto it.

It’s unoriginal weak-ass trash. Y’all see, somewhere a few years ago some producer was looking for a project to take off the ground. Disney’s Wreck-it-Ralph had made bank a couple years ago, Warner had just released The Lego Movie to rave reviews and Inside Out had finally entered production, the script was available without looking too hard, and people were reportedly feeling pretty positive about it. Then this soulless husk of a human being had a realisation, emoji aren’t copyrightable, nobody owns Unicode so you don’t have to pay anything for the rights. Then he masturbated everywhere, content that the little idea he had just had would keep him in business for years.

I know this is true because if you pay enough attention the besuited masturbating businessman is hidden somewhere in every single frame of this joint. If you really focus on it very hard you’ll see most of the time he’s staring directly at you and laughing. Laughing that you are enough of a chump to line his pockets by seeing this crap.

Not that he really needs your business, all the business done in this joint was carried out years ago. More grey boardrooms full of people desperate to inject brands into pop-culture, we got major plot points here that reference twitter, facebook, youtube, dropbox, spotify, candy crush, a whole sequence with some shitty Just Dance app that nobody ever heard of. It’s frankly a surprise that phone all these hateful characters live on ain’t some Samsung Galaxy™ EX10 or something like that. Maybe someone decided that that would be a step too far, but then they didn’t for the rest of this bullshit. Nah, I don’t believe it, they were probably asking for too much.

The plot of this ridiculous turd, as far as it matters, is that Gene is an emoji who just don’t fit man, he got too many emotions, i.e. more than just one and that makes him an outcast. He teams up with a High Five emoji, jealous that he’s been replaced from the favourites bar by a black fist bump, not a great scene given how fucking white this movie is. Anyhow they break outta the texting app and go on a quixotic mission to upload themselves to the internet and fix their dreaded nonconformity.

Y’all can see how this ties into that just be yourself narrative that was all the rage about three years ago. Y’know when it was all fine and cool to devote a whole movie to telling the white boy protagonist that, just be yourself man and everything will work out fine. See most movies have caught onto the fact that intersectionality might be a thing and that some people in this world may in fact have a harder time by just being themselves. film don’t need that though, it got a cool, kick-ass, off-brand version of Wyldstyle just ready to spout off white-feminism 101 talking points unheeded as if that give any credibility to this being a social picture.

So now we in the real world and the kid who owns this phone notices it acting weird and decides to wipe it, so if the emojis don’t put things right, their whole world be destroyed. Now this boy also got his own thing going on, he crushing on a girl and the film contorts its way around to the ultimatum, dude can only get her attention by using the one perfect emoji. My fucking god it lame. For all the talk of feminism we get the film don’t actually manage to learn any of these lessons cause guess how many lines the object of his desire gets?

None. Of course she don’t get nothing to say because the film made by dudes in their fifties who just don’t fucking get it. You’ll notice this anytime the film tries to make a joke about technology or the internet. They all fucking flop. Goddamn, at one point they go to the ‘piracy app’ like fuck that’s a thing and then that whole sequence is just a wide array of jokes that don’t connect because none of them relate to anything close to reality. I’m certain that none of these people has ever used a P2P service in their lives, if they had at least they’d be able to come close to a functional gag.

More wasted than the gags though are the spaces that this film lazily tries to palm off to us. In literalising the spaces of a constructed world the filmmaker gets to take their own opinions and imbue the world with them. This an even greater power in the animated medium where the creators aren’t even limited by the frameworks of reality. See on our screens a website, let’s say youtube, is a working manual to its own operation. The very way the site is manipulates and guides our habits until youtube exists not within the videos or on the screen but in our very minds, dictating how we interact with it.

In creating a representation of these places, as The Emoji Movie gets carte blanche to do, it is irresponsible for them not to question the authorial intent of their design. To just accept that these things be the way they be is to propagandise the very states of mind that the developers of these apps wish to trap us in. That what the movie do. It is unthinkingly reverential to the brands it chooses to depict and that is a weak and pathetic way to go. The one exception is that piracy place, which it obviously hates, but doesn’t understand enough to properly condemn.

Look, I’m sure it must have been a lot working on this movie, I’m sure there were a lot of big egos contained within the office’s cum stained walls, but did no one have the courage to admit that the emoji’s themselves look repulsive? Cos they do. They look like hideous disgusting dump. They are certain to haunt my nightmares. Look at one too long and you’ll start to feel physically sick. It might be much, but the film fails on this one basic level, one of the earliest things you gotta get right. No wonder the rest all goes to fuck.

I usually mention people’s names in these reviews. I’m not gonna here, I think the stigma of being related to The Emoji Movie is embarrassment enough.

The Emoji Movie is currently screening in UK cinemas.