#she said some of the vids were a bit much which i agree w like sometimes they’re just exhibiting Mannerisms that don’t like

[harrylights]

omg fjjfkdkdjd i forgot to update y’all that my very normie bestie went down the larrie rabbithole on tiktok and has been lowkey converted thank u jesus

[royalblurryfacedbastard]

Today was cool!

I slept for 13-14 hours last night and was generally angry in the morning, and idk I just felt generally bad I guess. But it was alright later on, we had our media and society class and I finished up an assignment and talked to JJ and EL a bit.

Then I just spent the rest of the class w the music classmates I got during their class bc it was just calming. A put on Finnish rap and stuff and that was... interesting.

I had lunch w EM, DG and DV and that was cool. We talked about school and stuff.

Then our finals project class thing came up and I didn’t do much work, I just wrote to E and asked her if I could stay at her place overnight and then I tried to figure out how I could ask DV if he wanted to hang out. First I asked A tho and he got mad cuz E wouldn’t answer him. He yelled a lot. I also went outside w D for a bit and told her about my crush on DV. To which she was like REALLY?? WHY.

After class we went over to the studio where DV and DG were working and I asked him if he wanted to hang out. He said he had homework and then that he was gonna babysit his sis. In the end he agreed to hang out a lil bit so after a while we went outside and met up w E and then. We just ended up going home to DV’s place? Like his mom’s place. He called his stepdad and he was fine w it.

So we went there and A followed us, and once we got there me and E introduced ourselves to his mom and I introduced myself to his younger brother. We went down to his room in the basement and spent a good hour or so watching some documentary and then vids on YouTube. During this time A and E fought and cuddled and also both.

Then DV’s mom and his stepdad went to some place to pick up furniture so DV had to be upstairs and keep an eye on the food. So I just stood there and talked to him and. He’s really cute when he just tells me random stuff. E came up once to hang out w me while I smoked bc DV couldn’t and then me and DV had dinner. I thought it’d be his whole family but no. Just he and I. And then his brother joined and made some autism jokes and then he said ppl w autism are cool so I said thanks. And he looked SO DAMN SHOCKED. Like. Holy Fuck. It was hilarious! He apologized for his jokes and I said I honestly didn’t rly care. So we talked some more and then when we were done eating we talked and DV went on to talk so dang much abt this general they might be related to. The talk which I’ve already heard but he still went on abt it. I didn’t mind that much tho.

He went outside we me cuz I wanted to smoke and he put on this cool fuckin jacket. So ofc I told him he should maybe wear it more and he was like rly?? And yeah. It was a nice talk. We talked about country music and he said he knows some country ballads he could definitely show me sometime and then also Canada. Cuz I said I wanna move there and he said he’d probably be okay w moving there too.

His parents came back when I was just finished smoking so we went inside and then DV’s stepdad drove us to E’s school where she had this dance thing.

I sat there and just hung out til we had to leave. On our way home I got a pack of cigarettes so I’m good to go tomorrow and now I’m just gonna hang out w E!

[nekojitachan]

so, I know you're not on prompts, but I suddenly really feel like reading some neil with a british accent, and I already reread your stories, and I am going around asking this from all of my fav authors, so if you're ever in the mood or have the time, could you perhaps bless us w some neil w a british accent and the team losing their shit over it???

Hmm, I wouldn’t say that I don’t take prompts, it’s just I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had time to do them? I’m trying to change that (and find a good prompt list to post).

*******

It was the reporter’s fault, Andrew supposed. With the fall semester winding down and the Foxes securing a spot in the spring championship playoffs despite being weighed down by the new rookies, Wymack had informed them at the start of the week that there would be a reporter coming to interview them to help build up some publicity, so everyone had better mind their manners and watch their mouths (that might have been directed at a certain sophomore with a tendency to self-destruct whenever his lips parted and sound came out).

At first Andrew had been a tiny bit bemused with the prospect of spending Thursday’s practice listening to the Foxes go on about how hard they’d worked so far that year and their chances to hold on to the division’s title against the Trojans while everyone waited with baited breath for Neil to spout off his usual bullshit (especially if it meant that Andrew didn’t have to do much more than stand around for once). Kevin was his usual fake smiles and torn between gushing about Knox and Moreau and talking up the Foxes, the rest of the upperclassmen were positive as always about the team - Dan was more poised that year and going on about the ‘legacy’ she was leaving behind as well about how Neil would be a great captain once she was gone.

Nicky was a hyper idiot, the freshmen were still unused to doing any sort of interviews and so Wymack hung around to keep their sessions brief and to the point. Aaron managed (barely) to not come across as a surly asshole, and Matt gushed equally about Dan and Neil in a sickening manner. By the time the earnest young British man from Extreme Exy got to Andrew, all he did was give the reporter a flat look while he was asked questions about his goalkeeping record so far that year, his thoughts on which teams would be in the final three and who was his favorite professional Exy team.

Neil so owed Andrew for him putting up with this ridiculousness.

Of course the Foxes gathered around as if a crowd waiting near the bottom of the gallows when the reporter finally got to Neil. Perhaps the young man knew about Neil’s reputation, perhaps he was a bit rattled after dealing with Aaron and Andrew, but his smile appeared a little wan and the hand holding the recording device trembled a little when he began with his questions - Wymack had insisted that nothing about the Ravens be brought up, but that still left a lot of leeway for Neil to drag people.

“Ah, after a bit of a rough start, the Foxes are now second in the Southeastern district. Do you foresee any difficulties heading into the playoffs?”

It felt as if most of the Foxes were holding their breath as they waited for Neil to respond, as Wymack stared intently at Neil as if he could mentally will the idiot to think before he spoke (Andrew could tell the man that Neil would just come up with more inventive insults then). Neil eyed the tall, dark-haired reporter for a moment before he shrugged. “I won’t lie and say that it won’t be a challenge, not when so many of our players are so new, but we’ve gotten this far so I’m confident that we’ll do a good job.” He smiled as he brushed aside the hair falling onto his face. “We’re Foxes, after all. We do best under adversity.”

“Oh my god,” Pris exhaled, while beside her Michalyn nodded in agreement and Sheena stared on in disbelief. As for the upperclassmen, Dan’s eyes were wide and her mouth agape, Allison was grinning as she jabbed her right elbow into her friend’s side and even Renee appeared surprised. Matt… Matt was gazing at Neil so intently that Andrew felt the strong urge to go over and smack the backliner. Hard. Hard and repeatedly.

“What’s up with the funny accent?” Aaron asked as the reporter, with a slight, puzzled smile on his face, asked Neil another question - that one about what Neil thought about the Trojans’ improved defensive line with Moreau on their team.

“I think we’re going to have a real challenge on our hands when we play them again - we won last year because of them wanting to face us with an even number of players, and now we have a bigger line-up. But we’ve learned a lot, too, so we’ll each bring something new to the court,” Neil said, his British accent growing stronger with each question.

“His mother,” Andrew answered his twin as he gritted his teeth over the Foxes’ ongoing reactions; somehow, Allison had managed to sneak a phone out on court and was filming Neil’s interview while Nicky leaned against an almost drooling Matt as if swooning and fanned himself.

There was another question about their upcoming game against Binghamton, which Neil glanced at a stern-faced Wymack for a moment before giving (for him) a mild answer about how the Foxes intended to continue with their winning streak against the team. Still speaking in that damn accent which made Andrew furious over how their moronic teammates were acting and twitchy with the need to grab a certain idiot and find a quiet spot to ask him ‘yes’ or ‘no’. To keep him from speaking with that accent - well, other than a few choice words.

“I will give you anything for a copy of this vid,” Nicky crooned to Allison, who continued to smirk as if very pleased with herself. “Anything.”

“Hell yes,” Matt agreed with a rough voice as he continued to stare fixated at Neil.

“This is stupid, he just wants all the attention,” Jack sulked, his glare strengthening when Pris, Michalyn and even Sheena shushed him.

The reporter for Extreme Exy paused a moment before he asked another question. “So, are you going to be cheering for Cambridge or Nottingham this weekend?” He waved the recorder around a little. “Ah, your mother’s side of the family is British, right?” When Neil stiffened at the question, he had the sense to pick up on it right away. “Oh, right, I wasn’t supposed-”

“Edinburgh.” Neil’s answer cut through the man’s frantic apology. “I actually favor Edinburgh’s team, though they’ll play this week’s winner.” He managed a half-smile as the reporter recovered and Kevin took to scowling in the distance in blatant disagreement. “Their defense is a work in progress, but their goalies are top notch and their offense incredible.”

“Ah, yes!” The reporter laughed a little as if in agreement. “I’m partial to Manchester myself, so let’s hope those two make it to the finals!”

Wymack stepped in to wrap things up then, which left Neil standing there with an oddly open expression on his face. Before Andrew could move, Nicky and the upperclassmen closed in on the junkie.

“Oh my god, that was amazing!” Nicky exclaimed as he draped his arms around Neil’s shoulders. “How do you do that? Can you do that like, always? That sounds so hot!” It was right then that Andrew had joined them, and he spared no force in slamming his right arm into his cousin’s abdomen. “Ow!”

“Thanks for closing another bet for me,” Allison said as she reached out to tousle Neil’s hair as if she had every right to be so affectionate. “Actually, two, since you got through today without dragging anyone through the mud for once.”

“We had every faith in you,” Renee murmured as she tugged Matt out of Andrew’s way before Andrew could ‘accidentally’ ram his elbow into the tall backliner’s left kidney.

“Well, not Jack, Sheena, Aaron, Nicky and Roy, but there’s always a sucker or two when it comes to bets,” Allison said with evident glee as she held up her phone. “Between them and this little gem, we’re going to enjoy a nice spa weekend or two.” That was directed toward Renee.

Renee dragged the dealer away before something ‘happened’ to her phone, while Nicky left before he earned another hit and Dan had the sense to remove her boyfriend as well, leaving Neil alone with Andrew. “I seem to remember a time when you didn’t want attention,” Andrew remarked as the rest of the Foxes broke apart and began to walk away, practice seemingly over now that the reporter was gone. “Those were the days.” He wouldn’t mention what type of days, though.

Neil shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck. “I didn’t… it’s habit, I suppose. I used it all the time in Europe unless we were somewhere and spoke French or German. I used it when it was just me and my mum.” His expression was a bit guarded then, since he knew that Andrew didn’t care to hear anything in regards to Mary, to a woman who had fucked up Neil in so many ways and failed to protect her only child. The woman who had abused him even if Neil didn’t readily admit to that fact.

“It’s stupid, don’t do it again,” Andrew told him as he thought about how the Foxes had reacted to it just then.

At first Neil frowned at that, and then he smiled as he stepped forward and brushed his fingers lightly along the hem of Andrew’s oversized goalie jersey. “Don’t do it again, or don’t do it while in public, hmm?” The British accent crept back into his voice as he gazed at Andrew with that almost-smirk on his lips. “I think maybe you like it, just a little. Perhaps you need to hear it again to make up your mind when it’s just the two of us.”

Andrew felt that urge to drag Neil off somewhere private once more, the urge to both kiss him quiet and hear him call out Andrew’s name. “I hate it and you,” he settled on as he shoved his hand in his idiot’s face. “And stop staring.”

Neil laughed as he took a step back. “That’s a ‘yes’.” He hummed a little as they headed toward the locker room. “Okay, later then.”

Andrew shoved him forward, but he didn’t say ‘no’.

*******

Eh… I’m working on keeping things short. ‘Working’. I hope you like it!

Now off for more Ravens Partner….

[estuarries]

baby’s first liveshow commentary

hello lads i have decided to attempt doing @nihilist-toothpaste​ inspired video commentary/write up/review thingies!!!! welcome to ramble-y fun time

phil’s liveshow on august 10, 2017

his smile in the first minute makes my heart so happy i love him so much

i love the eye-tongue-eye emoji stop being mean to it

he’s a bit late bc he just finished filming a new ap vid!!! it took him longer than he thought it would to finish filming bc he was rambling. this is a #relatable brain thing

“i just said goodbye and now i’m saying hello again!” wrt filing and then doing a liveshow makes me rly happy bc i wouldn’t have thought abt it that way. i love phil’s brain

new vid clues: paper bag(?) and bubble wrap. amazingphil asmr part ii??

dan’s not joining the liveshow bc he has a headache but phil’s gonna hop into dan’s next one

closed eyes and happy gesticulation whilst telling sleepy-morning “unexpected window cleaning man frightened me” story

phil’s fight/flight/freeze response is freeze

“imagine if i had decided to make breakfast naked! ...if i was that kind of person…” its okay m8 we know u like to make nakey bro brunches w danyul

are the emoji pants the only pair of graphic pj pants he has now ??? why are they being featured so prominently lately ???? phil IS an emoji is the only phnnie conspiracy i can support now

in the ap vid phil did SCIENCE and REACTED TO THINGS (chemistry . reaction . hehe :3)

he’s out of tv shows to watch ….he and dan have watched so many series together over the years ..... i am emotional

phil hasnt watched in a heartbeat EITHER !! BLASPHEMOUS BOYES!!!

re: rick and morty. i strongly agree and it makes me so nervous that rick burps all the time i cannot focus on whats happening in the show bc rick gives me so much anxiety

he misses the cherry blossom tree in thehowlter’s front yard and they are hopefully going to put it in when they have money

“you’re all like dan! not everything has to be symmetrical!” thank u for these affirmations that not everything has to be perfect thank u for being chill. a chill phil. 

“i dont mind a little bit of wonkiness!” “i’m at a bit of a wonk!” “is the entire house wonky?” the only real phil branding is ~WOnKy~

phils hands are so beautiful???? i love them?????? @ 8:50ish

him trying to figure out his best side and saying “one? or two?” as options like at the optometrist when ur getting ur eyes checked. 

someone in the chat: “both!” phil’s cheeky grin/”don’t flatter me!!!” response

someone in the chat: “side three!” i snort laughed along w phil this is truly Good Content. dark!phil RISE

phil doesn’t think he really has a bad side and his easy neutrality wrt his physical appearance is dreamy. i love him and i love that he’s comfy w himself like this

phil had an eye infection and this is the first day he’s been without glasses…… why does he glasses-bait us like this …..

it’s really hard for him to concentrate with dilated pupils so that’s why he was being a wee bit wonky in the last liveshow

his eye is no longer infected and is “white and ready to see!”. the tone of his voice, his accent, and the phrasingof that reminded me so much of my british grandma who i havent seen in a few years and now i want to call her i miss her

wicked was “as the kids say...Wicked.” I SNORTED AKLHFAEIHKF

also i cannot believe that he and dan used the same silly phrasewhen talking about their opinions of wicked. is it still #copyrightinfringement if its your bf blatantly enterprising ur intellectual property?

phil was feeling a bit meh going into wicked but now he’s converted and a fan

he loved defying gravity :(

phil: every audience is important! me: crying

phil loves coming-of-age/college/highschool aus … Me Too

phil remix: the top fans to the tune of mad world “all around me are familiar faces...lillyphanstuff, joteleena…”

he’s had “mad world” and also that fuckin. ditty song stuck in his head

“...is one thicc bih - NO!” is the best thing ive ever heard

im so sad that phil hasnt experienced the joys of ditty. apparently he doesn’t have it downloaded and doesn’t really know what it is

14:07 is my new ringtone (he sang the ditty tune in “doot doot doot”s)

“bandicussy” IM DEAD

phil thought it was a good family activity to see dunkirk but it made his parents very emotional bc his maternal grandad was in the war

making your entire family cry is apparently the phil way to entertain

neither he nor dan understood the timelines of dunkirk upon first watch

after filming his ap vid he sanitized using vanilla cupcake hand sanitizer

he watches zoe’s bath and bodyworks candle/lotion hauls??????? ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

apparently b&bw has some ~priiiicey~ candles. phil is the coupon clipping, consumer reports reading dad

he said that livestreaming games on dapg would be “dope”. i am reminded for the millionth time that he is a 30 year old white man. i am moderately uncomfortable.

jk it was someone in the chat who said it he was just reading the comment

“hi to the ‘phan’s moving boxes’ group chat”

facterino according to the nature man on tv: in england nature has decided that it’s autumn already. this is evidenced by blackberries coming out in august. because fall isstartingso early they’re expected to have a harsh winter but its fine bc he is excited for snow!

some climate change discourse

he’s not a big doctor who fan but his fav doctor is david tennant

he’s excited for the “lady doctor” and i’m uh. not a huge fan of that wording

23:02 pre-sneeze noises and hand motions are Delightful

apparently it’s southern england peeps who pronounce scone with a hard o (scOHne) and northerners pronounce it with a soft o (scAWn). phillu doesn’t know which pronunciation he uses

my mom grew up in cornwall (and moved to america when she was a teen. i’m american btw!) and pronounces it the northern way. we’ve had the scohne vs scawn debate!! lots of #britishfamilythings in this liveshow

philly homework motivation song @ 24:52

his first response to ppl being sad about school starting in a week is to calculate how many seconds are in a week so they can re-frame their time left in a way that feels more plentiful. i love this ???

i also really love how he tries to read premium messages from different people every time. idk that’s just really thoughtful and as a fan i really appreciate it

he knows that black makes him look good …. GOodBYe

today is world lion day!

phil is the one who puts the funny/random holidays on the dnp calendars. of course it was but im still so happily surprised  

doinganap’s sicth/sixth discourse

he’s reading people from the chat’s bdays and telling them what funny holidays are on their birthdays! i love how he finds different ways to get ppl in the chat involved every liveshow. i appreciate him so much !like yeah i know its a marketing thing but let me pretend its solely phil’s care for us

he wants to go back to japan

he can’t read or edit and listen to music at the same time! me neither

someone asked what a good pet would be and phil went on a lil tangent about how it’s important to have enough time to take care of the pet you choose!! dont get an exotic pet or a breed of non-exotict pet that requires a lot of time, money, or energy to care for it if you’re not at a point in your life where u can take care of it to the best of your ability! <3

hedgehogs are one of the most common animals in the uk??? what the heck?

he can’t remember whether or not he’s seen a hedgehog irl so he texts mum lester to ask <3 why is this the sweetest thing in the world . like seeing a hedgehog irl would be an experience that his family facilitated or even if he was moved out when it happened it would have been so exciting that he def would have told kath about it. so any way it happened she would know about it. my heart is Warm.

he’s not a huge summer candle burner but as soon as it’s september he’ll be on the pumpkin spice train

mum lester texted back and apparently his grandparents had a family of hedgehogs in their garage and his granddad built them a little hedgehog house to hibernate in :( wow!

phil might play shelter 2 … with dan. No Thank You. let us have some phil-only time plz 

shelter 2 is more of an autumnal game so he might do it later when he can cozy up with some cocoa and herd the badger babies

he feels a coffee buzz after five (5) chocolate-covered coffee beans. r u sure u even drink coffee phil????

rye bread is worse (in phil’s opinion) than regular bread and is ”claggy”. i busted out laughing and texted my mom IMMEDIATELY bca LOOOONG time ago we were at a family christmas party with my dad’s extended family and all of the Adults were playing scrabble. my mom ended up spelling claggy and everyone else was like THATS A MADE UP WORD WHAT THE FUCK!!!! and my mom was like ???? no its not? my dad’s family is from the eastern us and had never heard the word claggy before and i remember my dad giving my mom shit about it for YEARS afterward because she caused such an uproar. idk if it was a regional thing or if americans just don’t say claggy but REGARDLESS. my mom and i had a good laugh over this description of rye bread and we both love phil

he’s nervous abt what dalien is going to look like and become as he grows up. phil’s general reaction to dalien has been one of caution and nervousness and idk ?? someone more thoughtful analyze that please

his advice for making the most of the last bits of summer: do something you haven’t done before! immediately after bestowing upon us this Wise Advice he giggles and becomes self aware of his parental tone. Our Dad Is Becoming Self Aware

he doesnt swear around his parents?????? my mom says fuck all the time :0

2018 calendar and season two pastel plushies are in the works!

he’s singing another song to list the top fans. suggestions include toxic, the ditty tune, and the tetris theme. he goes with the ditty song and starts laughing in the middle of it so makes a seamless musical transition to toxic

if everything recorded properly with his new vid we should see it in the next few days!

he hopes that we have a lovely weekend and that whatever we end up doing brings us a bit of happiness :( i love him thank u phil

tiny little bonus song after he covers up the camera. schrodingers phil.

all in all i love phil’s liveshows and this has been the highlight of my day. thank u for reading!

[r-o-se]

EXACTLY 101 comments over P101 S2E4 wow how did I manage that don’t ask me also sorry for the shit screencaps lmao NOTHING THAT CUTE OR COOL HAPPENED IT WAS JUST SAD

Yo those eps are getting subbed faster than they used to idk whats going on but I’m definitely not complaining lol lets get riiiiiiiiiight into the neeeeeeeeews

1.      Flashback scenes to Jisung and Jinwoo’s teams losing are not appreciated at all stop the MMO abuse

2.      ‘3000 votes is too many’ I AGREE the Be Mine team is training everywhere and all the time poor fucking kids

3.      Who edited this and thought that ‘wow a piano rendition of out song would be a great and dramatic choice’ newsflash it’s not I’m already done with this song lmao

4.      SHINEE SHINEE SHINEE REPLAY TEAMS YOOOOO

5.      Pink team Ren and Yuehua chinaliners vs green team Sanggyun  and MMO Jaehan and Taewoong

6.      The pink cutesy Ren team is…. Too aegyo-ish  I’m older than 80% of them yet I feel like a pedophile watching this SAVE ME SOMEONE

7.      Sanggyun and Justin are the centers and both fucking wreck their roles in the best way possible

8.      Justin is so overacting and cheesy I’m rotting lmao love my kid tho

9.      Lee Gunhee aka the (RBW?) kid whose intro vid was him singing while getting hit by shit to show how stabile he is keeps getting out of tune I’m sad and worried

10.   The vocals trainers in this show I stg their method is just singing the high notes and then looking at the trainee like ‘what u cant do this lol? Try harder’

11.   Ren is comforting the kid whos dying of self doubt u g h

12.   AND HERE WE GO LMAO THEIR SMILES ARE SO BRIGHT SOMEONE STOP THE PINK TEAM

13.   U get the most flowerboyish pretty boy that has ever lived (Ren) and u give him the ugliest haircut u can think of pretty sure this counts as a crime

14.   GUNHEE DID IT IT ONLY BROKE A BIT IN THE VERY VERY END HE PULLED IT OFFFFFF AND HE PULLS OFF ALL THE NOTES AFTER THAT TOO

15.   Zhu Zheng did a frontflip of course he did lmao also Jihoon is probs pissing his pants because everyone around keep winking lmao

16.   Team 1 is playing around and being cute w the camera but team 2 look a bit troubled also ugh they are too hardcore for this fucking god Zhu Zheng kiddo I love you but you put them into such a shitty position aaaaa

17.   Here we gooooooooooooo green team lookin cuter than I expected holy damn Sanggyun is SINGING and it’s SO GOOD FOR A RAPPER

18.   HE IS ALSO SHOWING HIS ABS LMAOOO THIS ISNT THAT SORT OF SONG AAHAHAH FUCK

19.   Their performance is really good? A Lot cuter than I predicted and the vocals are so goooood

20.   Why do all other trainees look so sour did u want them to fail or some shit just let the kids live they were forced into such an uncomfortable concept aaaaaaa I WANNA VOTEEEE

21.   Time for pain and results team 1 won with ~70 votes im SAD Sanggyun was the only one who took the position points win aaaahhhhhh  ngl I was rooting for #2 eventho #1 had Ren and Yuehua kiddos also 3000 votes is TOO FUCKING MUCHH I HATE P101

22.   Now its Mansae aka power vocals vs the leftovers rip

23.   Woodam is one of my fav vocals overall this season all of the shit he’s done his intro clip his evaluation and reeevaluation clips are all so golden I love that dude and obvs he’s SLAYING THIS SONG TOO AGH

24.   Team 1 Yoonsung left due to health problems this is what happens when u don’t give kids food and make them get stage ready within a week and rearrange within 2 days

25.   It stressed Woodam the fuck OUT and he messed up a looot during rehearsals, missing notes and whatnot

26.   Their rapper reminds me of cube Soyeon last season with his kinda small and cutesy looks yet super charismatic stage presence

27.   Woodams VOCAAAAAAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

28.   Ok now the leftover group I really hope they will do alright they make me really sad ugh I really really really hope they���re okay u g h

29.   Theres this kid Hadon who is really salty about being in that team and leaves in the middle of practice and then won’t cooperate during trainers thing aahhh kid please

30.   Neverminddd they got nothing to show shit this is gonna be bad I am Very Worried

31.   Kahi is so nice I love her so much she’s so friendly and sweet and good truly the queen of this show without her it would be so much worse

32.   Hadon got his confidence back and their teamwork is so much better now and literally all of this got started by Kahi I LOVE KAHI SO MUCH BEST GIRL

33.   Their energy is a lot better than I expected I’m so glad they went through with their training and everything

34.   The Kim Youngjin kid has absolutely acceptable vocals I’m so glad they didn’t make any mistakes and just agh this team makes me sad

35.   Team 1 wins with overpowering 500 votes they got 500 votes MORE than team 2 it’s just so fucking sad dude 600+ vs 150

36.   But WOODAM ALONEGOT 207 VOTES WHICH IS MORE THAN ENTIRE TEAM 2 HOLY SHITTTTT THIS IS WHAT A POWER VOCAL DOES

37.   SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

38.   I’ve waited for this stage for sooooooo long they got all of my fav kids in Minhyuns team and then Ha Minho and Seonho and Namhyung in the other team aaaaaaahhh I’ll call them red and black since that’s their suits Minho ‘s team is red and Minhyun’s is black. They all look so good truly nothing wrong with a nice suit

39.   Minho and Namhyung want to insert a self written rap since they’re both rappers and Sorry Sorry has no rapping parts

40.   Minho really really wants to rap but Seokhoon (the vocal coach) doesn’t want to let him and also is mad at him because he wants to rap instead of singing like wow what? A rapper wants to rap instead of singing?? Wow unbelievable

41.   CHEETAH CAME IN AND SAID HE WANTS TO HEAR THE RAP THANK U THANK U THANK U Minho kiddo looked like he’s gonna tear up when he saw her

42.   Seunho was chose to jump on other’s backs since hes so handsome and APPARENTLY ALSO A PIANO GENIUS WOW WHAT ON EARTH DID HE JUST PLAY

43.   I really hope this group will do good since their opponents are sooo strong

44.   Aaahahahha fuck their choreo is so good and the harmonizations I might be biased but the Sorry Sorry stages are literally The Best of this show so far

45.   Seunho is like what 16 yrs old who let him look so good go away his body build makes him look so much older

46.   DANCE BREAK IS SO GOOD DUDE WHAT AND SEUNHOS JUMP WAS SO GOOD HIS EXPRESSION AFTER THAT WAS SOO IMPACTFUL AAHAHAH FUCK DUDE some dude in the audience screamed like someone bit his leg off honestly same

47.   I’ve watched maybe 3 original SuJu sorry sorry versions yet I can sing almost the entire thing that’s what an impactful song means lmao

48.   TEAM 2 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THERE THEY ARE MY ULT KIDS

49.   JR is taking care of Hyunbin this is like Sejeong and Sohye last season honestly SO CUTE I LOVE JR SO MUCH THAT KID IS THE SOFTEST LEADER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

50.   Their vocal coach tried to drag JR’s leadership uhh maybe kindly fuck off that kid doesn’t need your picking to hate himself when will he stop BLAMING HIMSELF

51.   Hyunbin is making mistakes and their dance coach keeps bullying JR like fuck no other leaders got this much shit even when their teammates couldn’t get it done right

52.   He takes all his time to take care of the others like help Hyunbin and Jaehwan with their dance and sleepy/sick Daniel

53.   JR finally broke when Hyunbin isn’t taking it seriously enough

54.   Sorry Sorry black team laughing together in deliriously sick sleep deprivation and choking stress is still probably the most beautiful ray of hope and sunshine in this ugly show I LOVE THIS TEAM SO MUCH

55.   There we go the best stage of this cursed show is here Seungwoos expressions are SO ON POINT ITS SO GOOD JUST DEBUT THEM NOW

56.   They all look so good I’m shook Daniel with a middle part was something I didn’t know I needed before I had it

57.   Lmao Jisung jokingly doing the moves along when Daniel appeared

58.   JAEHWANS VOCALS AND HARMONIES!!!!!!!! F U C K !!!!!!!

59.   I’m so biasaed towards this team if u decide to bring my follower count into single digits for this it’s understandable

60.   But I still really love team 1 too please don’t misunderstand Ha Minho is my lil kid with enough balls to speak his mind even if he gets fucked by rude coaches for it

61.   ‘Result is important but other team did well so I told them that too’ I love JR ok friendship is magic

62.   HYUNBIN GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE OF THEM ALL. WHAT THE HECK DUDE LIKE BRO FELLA BROTHER I LOVE HYUNBINN HAVE LOVED FOR A WHILE BUT. THE HIGHEST SCORE?? BRUH? HIS OPPONENT ONLY HAD 7 VOTES THIS IS SO SAD IM SAD THIS KID IS DEAD INSIDE

63.   Everyone in team 2 besides Seunho got really low votes I’m so sad…… bruh…. They’re so so so so SO talented but they went against the popular kids…

64.   Showing individual votes is so cruel and 3000 EXTRA VOTES IS TOO MUCH IM E M O THIS IS SO UNFAIR FUCK THIS SHOW!!! Team 1 looks so wrecked I’m so sad they have almost a 300 vote gap

65.    It is BEAST TIME ONE OF THE BOYS HAS A CRUTCH WHAT THE HELLLLLL

66.   The crutch boy is Dongmyeong and he’s in team 1 as well as Sunghyuk with thick lips and looks a bit like Shownu

67.   Team 1 has a loooot of problems distributing parts and practicing in general while team 2 was almost ready

68.   Sunghyuk is sadddddddd and crying bc he feels like they’re gonna lose but in the end the practice went better tho thank god

69.   They look great Dongmyeong’s hair looks like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirls and he’s sitting in a chair and singing doing the choreo with his hands SO CUTEEE

70.   The second team is very vocally gifted and has AMAZING HARMONIES WOOOO their main vocal Jinhyung is AMAZING

71.   Dongsoo from S.How I think got forced into a rap position and has a leg injury but he’s covering it up from teachers

72.   DONGSOO DID SO WELLL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEYE SHOWED IN PRACTICE THANK U MNET FOR SHOWING HIS PROGRESS

73.   EVERYDAY I CHUG (CHUG) EVERY NIGHT I CHUG (CHUG)

74.   Team 2 won by like 100 votes, all of the team 1 members are very hopeless, esp Sunghyuk,  Team 2 Park Heeseok only got 5 votes holy shitt POOR BABY THIS MUST FEEL SO BAD HE LITERALLY TAUGHT THEM THE DANCE

75.   BE MINE BE MINE WOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG WAS MY FIRST EVER KPOP FAVE

76.   Hwiseung already did his military service holy shit he looks so young

77.   I don’t even know who I am rooting for both those teams are great team 1 has great vocals and teamwork+FNC Hwiseung the power vocal. Team 2 has great dance, more popularity + the little Woojin, Takada Kenta, BNM alpaca Youngmin and oldie Sungwoo

78.   Team 1 has an injured ankle too, Yehyun, but he’s still dancing  without crutches or anything

79.   HWISEUNGS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE I WANT HIM, JAEHWAN AND WOODAM IN A TRIO PLEASE

80.   They changed Sungyeol’s ‘Can you hear me?’ into ‘Pick me pick me’ im ded

81.   Kahi is the best teacher I love her so so so much she’s the best thing in this entire show

82.   I FORGOT TIPTOES WAS SUNGWOOS NICKNAME THIS IS AMAZING

83.   I’m so glad they’re doing Infinite honestly I love Infinite can we do B.A.P or Teen Top or VIXX next

84.   Team 2 wins almost exactly by one hundred and the votes are veeeeery equal and Youngmin barely got anything why are the dancers not appreaciated

85.   AVENGERS VS BAEKHOS TEAM YOOOOOOOO Baekho has also Sangbin and Guanlin and RBW Lee

86.   IM CHOKING THE AVENGERS ALL SOUND LIKE BABIES WHY DID THEY CHOOSES THIS SONG IM CHOKING

87.   They can’t really sing, the avengers, damn. They lay it all on Daehwi but like cmon hes 17 and just tryna survive with the popular kids lol

88.   AAahahahahah they’re just little kids this is so funny to watch I’m sorry all Avengers fans but like shit when they break into the chest pounding part I just start to laugh their voices are so high don’t get me wrong I looooooove Samuel and Sungwoon but fuck this is funny

89.   They should’ve gone with Seventeen or SHINee something with a morer fitting image

90.   The Real Fuckbois team is now up fuck I love this team so much aahahahah like no shit they will lose to all of those popular kids but still

91.   Oh nooooo Baekho pointed out that the Avengers were cheating and using a third vocal for thhe high note without telling anyone WHAT AN EVIL MAN anyways Baekho produces music and does vocal coaching he knows what he’s talking about lmao lmao

92.   THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH DIRTY FUCKBOIS HOLY SHITTTT THIS IS BEAUTIFULthis stage is SO LIT dude I love it they just carried Guanlin as if he was on a throne now both Cube kids get to sit/step on other trainees lmao

93.   SOMEONE DID A BACKFLIP WHOS THAT IT’S THE BLONDIE KID WITH A LOOSE TIE ITS LEE INSU

94.   Team 2: are fuckbois

Entire dressing room: stands up and claps

It’s true I was there, clapping

95.   Guanlin trumped Samuel, Baekho trumped Sungwoon, all other wins go to team 1

96.   Am I salty? Yes I am Team 1 won with abt 200 votes. They have more views and likes on YouTube though.

97.   Mansae first team got the most votes out of all teams and gets to go to MCountdown IM SO GLAD ALL OF THOSE KIDS WHO AREN’T ON SUCH HIGH RANKS GOT SAVED I’M SO GGLADD

98.   I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING ANGRY SO MANY A AND B RANK TALENTED KIDS ARE IN SUCHHHHHH LOW RANKINGS THIS IS DEPRESSING

99.   Lbr for a moment this show really isn’t about talent it’s about popularity and visuals

100.  WOODAM GOT FIRST THO IM SO FUCKING AMAZED THIS KID DESERVES IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH DUDEEEEE THAT KID IS SO TALENTED I’M SO GLAD PEOPLE RECIOGNIZED IT

101.   SANGBIN FELL TO LAST PLACE WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO SO MANY VOTES 3000 IS TOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO MAD ALSO THEY SHOWED JINWOO FOR A MOMENT AND SANGGYUN IS WORRIED IM SSO SO SADDDDD THE NEXT EP IS ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY ITS RELEASING ON THE SAME DAY AS BAP ARE IN GERMANY

YOOOOOOOOO Sorry for the screencaps again also pls message or talk to me I am... So Emotional over this show I love everyone i will cry when this is over and I won’t see like 40 of my kidws ever again

[kookiebluey]

Wlog for the BTS London concert on the 10th💓

Just so I don't forget, I’d like to write down how I felt b4, during and after the BTS concert on the 10th💜

 I remember it wasn't a chill day at all, and I went to tutorials and lectures in the first half of the day. Can't say that I'm extremely excited cuz I was never really hyped for anything. It's not because I didn't like BTS enough, it's the fear of expecting too much and end up getting disappointed somehow. Well, I guess I was wrong and I could have looked forward to it even more xd

 I went back home after the computational lecture ended, then packed up my stuff (which was partly packed the nite b4) as quickly as I could. When I thought everything was settled, I realised that my parcel has arrived and I haven't printed my ticket yet. Everything was done in a hurry, and I left home at 2:05 for a 2:15 train.

 On the train, I was still kinda calm and had a look thru my notes from class. Then I spent the rest of the time sleeping and imaging how would I feel when I actually meet them at the concert. Would it feel like how it was in my dream? Or would it be something completely different?

 I arrived at London and google mapped how should I get to O2 arena cuz hahah I had no idea. Everything went by smoothly and I even managed to follow someone with a "jungkook 98" shirt when I sort of got lost hahaha.

 I took pictures of boards that were at the station and made a call to see where Joey is. Joey was already queuing. Lol up till this point, I kinda hoped that I've vlog-ed this. Its gonna be so much fun going back and rewatching everything. Anyways, Joey introduced me to her friends and we went on talking about what we could do inside. She prepared everything for me - like the lightstick, batteries, telling me they wouldn't really go thru my stuff hence its ok if I had a lot of stuff with me lolz

 We finally got in and we went up to get some drinks (which I didn't). I said bye to Joey (cuz we sit in different areas) and went to the toilet to change into a black T-shirt I got from Korea (haha I know its an unnecessary fact).

 Then, finally, I entered the arena and managed to find my seat. Sadly, on my seat, there's this girl that wanted to sit with her fd and would trade for a seat that's much further away from the stage (honestly wtf). I insisted that I'd like to keep my seat and eventually she gave in.

 I then had conversations with her fd (ie the person next to me now) and she went on about how she coped with their concert yesterday at the pit. She seemed to be a really old fan and had went to a lot of the functions in the past. I don't entirely agree but I said nothing hahah (I mean whats the point in arguing - its not like Im gonna see her after this).

 The fans were really hyped and they sang fanchants in every MV that came up at the arena. Love to see how the staffs' expressions are hahah - they'd be like wtf BTS is not even here what are u guys on about? Hahah bro I feel u I felt the exact same thing xd

 Finally it hit 8pm and the concert is about to start. They came out after a series of promo vids and after a marvellous stage arrangement. It was really hyped and it really lits up your mood. Just imagine someone really calm like me (ie calm during clubbings and all) getting really hyped and stuff hahah~

 I was really worried that I could bearly see Jungkook cuz he got injured and might stay at the main stage. BUTTT he actually brought his chair to the extended stage and sat at my side of the stage!!! Don't get me wrong, but I might have saw him better just cuz he was sitting the whole time xd

 It's that feeling when something that's on ur screen, on your wall or even in ur dreams (but is somehow non existing in ur life) suddenly was in front of you. I guess I was just 20 steps away from them if there were a platform from my seat to the extended stage. It was so close and you could see their facial expression so clearly. Even tho I couldn't make a heart or anything (cuz its embarrassing), or even get eye contacts, its still like a dream come true.

 I could see their little interactions right in front of my eyes, and hear their voices live. All of the members did a magnificent job and I honestly fell in love with every one of their performances. If I did said anything about having a bias and all, its really nothing like that anymore. I like every member and they are all so good looking (omg Jin is sosososososososo handsome I cannot).

 Standing for a total of 2 hours but it felt like 15 mins. Every song sounded so much more better live, and seeing them dancing so so close to you. It's a moment when you feel they are actual human beings - not cartoon, not animations.

 Jimin's performance actually did hit me - he was so attractive omg!! He also so cute when he looked around to try to interact with any fans that tries to catch his attention!

Jhope, Suga and Rapmon's performances were so lit!! Even tho they were never my favourite, they look so much more better in person!

Jungkook got injuried, so he sat down on a chair the whole time. But his voice was so angelic - and hahah I caught that moment when he forgot to sing a line - cuteeee. His interaction with his hyungs were also adorable - I love how they involved him even tho he couldn't dance, and he also tried to join in the dance even on the chair xdd - the thing is, he is a little conserved and he do not have actual interaction with any of the fans - but that's him and it isn't necessarily a good or bad thing. (btw JK look exactly like in photos and videos and thank god he decided to sit at my side of the stage on the day of my concert)

Jin, as what I've said, is so attractive omg!! He is THE VISUAL - no doubt  - he is stunning in person!!

V has his own charm as usual. He also looks exactly the same in phots and vids - and I caught the cute moment when he smiled at JK and start dancing his part hahah he also got "shot" by a fan's heart (I believe) and pretended that he got shot on stage - hahahah so freakin cute

 They all had really natural expressions during performances - and you couldn't imagine how could a person look so good in any angle and at any moment - its almost like calculated moves - and they are photogenic at every point of their performances -

What I had to do is to pick out moments that my camera didn't went out of focus or pointing at a wrong angle - they look fab in every single moment - no joke

 Ok so the conclusion is I was totally enjoying every moment and did not felt bored at any point of the concert - like not even slightly

I only wish time went by slower cuz I couldn't grasp all the moments that I'd like to record on my phone or to be aware of

 So I could tell Jungkook was a bit depressed in general but at least he didn't cry like how he did in the last concert - I really feel bad for him and thank god he didn't perform - I have a feeling I'm gonna be even more depressed cuz I'll miss his performance the most hahah

 Anyways then the concert ended and I asked every possible person to send me their vids. But honestly the ending was so sad. I actually felt like crying, but I didn't cuz I stopped myself from anticipating the concert too much in the first place, and therefore the contrast wasn't as great.

 Joey was really really depressed and I totally get it. Never thought you'd feel so at lost after you went to a concert you love. Its that feeling that "yeah they're right in front of you but now we had to take that back". Its really hopeless and you suddenly realised they are really superstars.

Its not like I wasn't aware of that fact that they are actual stars, but this reality hit you really hard when youre in a concert. There were so many armys and they wouldn't even know that you've existed. Its sad that they were so close and now you've understood that they are not your fds (even tho they seem like it in vids) but actual stars that are so out of reach. The contrast of being so hyped then falling back down to the bottom of the valley (hhaha its so different to the feeling of riding a roller coaster when going down is the best part).

 I love you BTS❤ even tho you'd never know our existence. They are truly remarkable and loved by so many.

 So moving on from this sad topic (XD), I met joey on the next day and convinced her to take a pic of me at an enormous wall with a print of BTS poster. I was kinda shy and couldn't really take a good pic until after a couple shots. We then had flat iron and it was a great restaurant - would really want to go again! We then attempt to take pretentious shots (which joey succeeded, and I hahah obviously failed) and had desserts. We then left to catch the train - but Joey lost her Oyster card:( She said something weird would always happen when shes with me ahahha I wonder why xd

 Yah so this was my marvellous bday gift - cant explain everything in short sentences, but I was so submerged into bts music right after the concert. You could literally think of nothing, do nothing, but listen to their music and rewatch the videos. I really want to keep the solid memory of the experience I've had at the concert - and pls don't forget it!!

 PS I really owe joey a lot cuz she persuaded and helped me to get the ticket. She got a JK fan for me, knowing I'll regret for sure! She knew me too well and at some point in life we do have to live like a teenager when we are teenagers rt? xd

Add-on: OMG so V went to flat iron too - honestly, how could they just walk into a restaurant w/o getting a room or anything, literally, just a table in which anyone could have sat on and anyone could have bumped into them. Sadly he didn’t go to the restaurant I went nor the time I went (I believe) but still happy cuz we had the same food ahahaha

[pristinepastel]

5 Things About Me Meme!

Tagged by @awakaru ! This time i’ll tag the last few people in my activity- @robtari , @tavros-tardis , and @boundtoanandroid ! 5 Things You’ll Find In My Bag: -My sketchbooks(two of them. same kind but one is vertical and the other is horizontal) -My art supply box, which is pink and glittery and used to be a makeup box that i got for christmas one year -This probly counts as two things, but my plusle and minun plushies! i also have a plusle keychain. -I have a calligraphy pen w/ multiple nibs that I haven’t used very much yet. I’ll hopefully start using it and improving when i start college this fall! -And finally, my tablet with bluetooth keyboard. No mouse or pen for it but that’s fine for now. One day though… 5 Things You’ll Find in My Bedroom: Too many things;; -I have a book bag that I only use when I travel. When I’m at home though, it holds most of my plushies! Including a pachirisu that lost an ear. Which I. Kiiind of fixed? I tore off a scrap piece of a purple scarf and sewed it over the hole with yarn. Maybe I’ll take a pic later, lollo -I keep a cat cube on my bed near my feet. It’s purple and pink, with a leopard print. The outside is a kind of messy texture, while the inside has a soft carpet on the bottom. The cats don’t normally use it but when they do i try to take pictures! -My favorite blanket! I use it to stim. When I was at high school I’d usually take it with me in my bag, as well as my scarves. It was helpful for taking naps during commons, especially after a bad insomnia bout. Also helpful during my depressive episodes- even if I’d still end up going home early sometimes. -I have various posters put up in my room- including some prints from juicyink on youtube, a kingdom hearts 2 poster i got from when borders was still around, a print of Vincent Valentine that I got in the Artist Alley at colossalcon last year, a print i got from a caricature artist i got on my birthday as well as the caricature he made of me, and some old fashioned prints made on corkbord which kind of remind me of lowbrow fantasy art. I don’t know how old they are, I think my mom got them for me at a flea market? -I also have some old drawings of mine on my walls. I used to have a lot more of my older older pics, but i took them down because I wanted to start fresh. These were from my senior year i think? So far it’s just drawings of Osiria and Dahteste so far lollo -I lastly have my desktop computer! It’s a p big screen. My dad got me a new screen, keyboard, and pc box for my birthday, after I told him I wanted mass effect andromeda once it came out. For the specs he said. He’s very enthusiastic about that sort of thing;; 5 Things I’ve always wanted to do in life: -Become a concept artist/character designer -Write a story/Draw a comic about my characters(sadly my imagination is more abstract and my minds not v suited for concrete scripting lollo) -Somehow meet and help my characters in real life. I know that’s impossible, shoosh -Become a side character in someone else’s story/video game. Not physically of course- I mean I want to play as the sort of character that supports the protagonist and helps them get a good ending. -Become a voice actor! I really enjoy the thought of my voice bringing a character to life. I’ve tried auditioning before, but I’m not very confident in online auditions like that cus my mics not the best;; 5 Things That make me Happy: -Philadelphia roll with smoked salmon, avocado, and cream cheese! My fav sushi yums;; -My cat Molly! her purrs sound like a pigeon or a dove coping and she’s so soft -Comforting and emotional characters!! Like Cole, Sandal, and Dog from Dragon Age, Jaal from me:a, Legion from Mass Effect, Luna Lovegood from Harry Potter, Lee from Naruto, Dogmeat from Fallout, etc. -My Mom gives really good hugs and she’s really good at emotional support! She understands what I go through cus she has depression and anxiety too. We even take some of the same prescription! I like her more than Dad cus he gets angry sometimes and I can’t really predict when that happens. He’s not hurting me or anything, he just gets loud and that makes me a lil nervous is all! -Conventions! I’m not really equipped for big social events usually, but these are usually the exception. You don’t really talk to people one on one, and you don’t have to be afraid of being the center of attention. Even buying stuff is easier cus no ones judging you for how much you’re buying or how long you’re at one booth! 5 Things I’m Currently Into: -My mutuals/followers may or may not have noticed the posts about witchcraft ehe;; It started with me researching stuff that one of my brain friends, Elisa, is into. She started out with just general tarot reading, which then developed into her actually being a witch, which led to me discovering i really enjoyed the subject lollo -Dungeons and Dragons podcasts like The Adventure Zone and Godsfall. that is too many capital letters;;; -Modern Girl In Thedas fanfics. I especially enjoy the ones where the protag discovers no one in thedas speaks english. Sometimes people write it so english is qunlaat, but my fav is that the protag has to work at learning common on their own. -I’ve gotten into playing more mobile games again, now that i have a phone that can support them;; I now have Love Live SIF, Fallen London, and the new ver of Kingdom Hearts X(fyi the x is pronounced cross in english- in japan its pronounce chi!) -I’ve been watching doodle videos lately. They’re vids where the artist just doodles random lines and patterns and shapes to fill an entire page. Sometimes there are mandalas too! Sometimes the artist talks quietly and motivationally during it like Bob Ross. if you’re curious one of the artists i’ve been watching recently is called Peter Draws on youtube! 5 Things on My To-Do List: -Finish prepping all the paperwork for starting college. I’ve been accepted, but there’s still financial paperwork to fill out lollo -Make a grimoire/book of shadows/book of mirrors. Atm, all my witchy notes are in my phone. I plan to make a cutesy decoden grimoire once i’m actually in school! -Start doing physical stuff like yoga and walking. School has a public yoga class available, and the campus has a lot of places where i can take breaks if i start feeling light headed due to the scoliosis. I’ve downloaded pokémon go preemptively to help w that -Prepare for june’s various activities! This year i’m not just going to colossalcon- I’m also going to volunteer at a convention in DC! ooo I’m so excited and i wanna pack immediately even tho i know it’s not for a month yet lollo;; my mom is also in this mood - Mmmaybe get a spirit companion? Dunno for sure yet. Not sure if my social anxiety also applies to the ethereal. A bit nervous about the constant-ness of the interaction. Need to research the subject a bit more lollo 5 Things People May Not Know About Me: -I’m really disorganized. So much so that i can’t close my closet door due to the clutter in front of it;;; -Physically speaking, I am only 5'6", I have a lazy eye, and mild scoliosis. My right canine tooth is broken as well.Im kind of self conscious about my teeth so my smiles are usually closed mouth. I also have problems with hygiene, for various reasons- for general cleanliness i just forget to shower sometimes/don’t have the motivation for it. As for the teeth, my sensory issues make it so i very much hate toothpaste. That’s why my teeth are so bad;; speaking of- -I have various mental issues. I have depression and anxiety, which has been clinically diagnosed. My psychiatrist also suspects i have mild autism or aspergers, but the test people never got back to us so heck if we know for sure. My mom, a couple of my friends, as well as me all agree i seem to have it. I also believe i have maladaptive daydreaming. This is a condition that makes it so I have very detailed imaginary worlds in my head- so detailed in fact that I get very attached to the characters in them, who I call brain friends. The daydreams get so detailed and involved that it’s sometimes hard for me to focus on stuff like reading or sleeping. Which exacerbates the insomnia i already have lollo. It’s easier for me to read fanfics than published stuff as a result, cus fanfics are basically written dreams in that sense? i’m also p bad at explaining myself with words lo l l,o;; -Despite most of my posts being happy ones, i tend to have p bad depressive episodes. I try not to vent on here though cus i’m self conscious about how others interpret that. It makes me feel manipulative. I also have trouble with asking my parents for stuff for the same reason;; -I started the positivity tag on election night. I was really shaky and anxious, but all of that was trapped inside and i couldn’t cry, so i just felt stuck there(i now suspect i was disasociating at the time?). I started reblogging all these happy posts to cheer myself up, and thanking all the people who were putting them on my dash. That’s why my positivity tag is ‘thank you’! :^)

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

4/18/17 6:36am - changes

God DAYUM it’s fucking gorgeous outside right now. I could get ussssed to this.

So obviously I didn’t find time to catch up while I was at Dar’s this weekend. Ended up grinding another like 15 hours of BOTW and got a fuckton of sleep and ate a quart of ice cream. it was spectacular.

General update - Dieting had a relapse this weekend for easter, but I hit another benchmark when I weighed in on Friday. 139.8! Finallllly cracked that mark. Gained back up to 144.8 this weekend but that’s just food weight. I’m fucking pumped! Only gotta get down to like 135 and then I can gain back up to where I am now and it’ll be fucking perfect. I look beautiful. My hair lightened up a little at the beach, too, pretty gorgeous lol. Smoking a lot these past two weeks though. Gotta take better care of my teeth to make up for all the candy too. 

So I guess I’ll start with work. Tony dropped a bomb on me two weeks ago that they were moving forward with the Burlington location and that I would be moving there, possibly permanently. Much to my chagrin if I want to drive to work from home I now have an hour long commute, and no pay raise, AND my work days are switching to Thursday, Friday, Saturday. It blows. Went into a little mini depression that my social life was ending, had to cancel a bunch of weekend plans coming up, and fretting about all the gas money I’m gonna be spending and shit. It sucks. I’m at least trying to get compensated for my gas, hopefully for my commute to work, too. That would be fucking sweet. And working alone will be p cool too, hopefully the office will be isolated enough from the patients that I can get a cube setup in there and grind out some solo practice.

But tbh I’ve been kinda taking it easy from melee the past three weeks. This thursday I didn’t even go to the tournament because I slept through it lmao. The week before was sweet though, played dubz with Slip and pocketed $25 for winning the tournament. Money in the bank, pimpin ain’t easy. Then Saturday I played a little mini tourney at Chi’s and me and Jimmy tied for first in a teams round robin. Got kinda bodied in singles though, Had a decently close set with Chi that I flubbed. But really I’ve been focusing on BOTW it’s no skin off my back. Kinda happy to have the break for my hands.

Anyway so I’m fretting about this job change when Ashleigh hits me up out of nowhere. She had been catching up on my blog (shouts out) and wanted to hang out. So friday we went on like a friend date kinda deal, I met her new guy, we got these delicious tacos, played some Magic, and hit up Boxcar. Wish the gun for House of the Dead 2 hadn’t been broken, would’ve loved to kick the shit out of that game again. And then like a deus ex machina, we’re chatting about work and shit, I mention this job change, and she says that I’m welcome to crash on her pullout couch any time I have work. Fucking amazing, at least the commute will only be 30 mins instead of 60. And I’ll get to hang out in gboro more, too. Excited for a change in scenery.

This date I had for that night (herpes girl) flaked, which was perfect because I forgot it was board game night, and I stayed up late hanging out w/ Broscious and Jonny and Irene and Joe. Pretty excellent. Wish broscious had gotten high with me but so it goes lmaooo. one day.

So I went on a date with the herpes girl saturday after the chi tournament instead. (probably played worse since I was trying to dip to see her too lmaoo) Probably shouldn’t keep calling her herpes girl but it really doesn’t matter. She was supppper nice, and we got along kinda well, but we had like Noooothing in common. Outdoorsy type vs me. I was getting this weird vibe from her fairy sleeve tattoo, like it was some kind of message. Looked just like something Darlin would have in her house, but reminded me of my mom lol. Idk so she was nice and all, and her body was rockin, but she had this butterface of an old lady I swear it was so weird lol. We smoked and watched some rick and morty and played some botw but she couldn’t do anything with a controller to save her life. Said she liked the show a ton and wanted ot keep binging it, but it kept bothering me that she was like laughing at the wrong times and shit. Like she didn’t get the jokes or something but knew it was humorous hahaha. So we like made out a little that night and I got to second base and nothing more like we had agreed, and it’s probably all for the best tbh.

Anyway it made me realize that I’m done dating for a bit. I’m sick of trying to meet people and catch them up with my nerdy shit. I don’t want to binge rick and morty again, I want to jump into shouting in jokes at each other lol. I don’t have the patience for it anymore. So I’m just taking a break. Especially while I have the chance to get my finances straight (they’re doing excellent) and I don’t have free time on the weekends anymore now anyway. Rip.

Then last sunday I got to chill out with Dan, was pretty great. 

Worked an extra shift Friday to help Jaime and then headed out to Dar and Pa’s. They made me a ton of food, they took me out to sushi, I got to lounge around til monday, it was wonderful. 

So now I’m almost done with BOTW finally. Almost all the armor is upgraded, I’ve got all the shrines, done enough of the side quests to be satisfied enough I think. Might try to do a few more horse things but yeah I’m like getting ready to finish this weekend. In perfect to train up for my last thursday maylay. On 4/20 no less, it’s gonna be sweet. Gonna team with either Ian or Jimmy, too, I’m pumped. 

Jimmy and I talk like all the time about BOTW and dating and shit. I’ve been feeling a little lonely lately, thinking bullshit like I’ve been kinda lacking a best friend, and moping that I really lost that hard when Christina and Manu had to start doing baby stuff, Oliver moved back to Charlotte, and Kailey exited stage left. I guess Jimmy is probably my best friend right now? Maybe just the gang as a collective, but I don’t really Talk to them about stuff with them I just spend the most time with them.  But what hanging out with Ashleigh did was alleviate all of that. I feel great, my friends care a fuckton about me and I care a fuckton about them. She said she wanted to do good on promising to buy me drinks and make me feel pretty and goddamn did she ever lol. Nice that things weren’t awkward at all now that we’re just friends, really excited to spend more time with her.

Ok whew I feel like I just shotgunned all my thoughts hopefully I got everything. Working in burlington should be weird, dunno when I’ll update next but you’ll hear from me when ya hear from me.

Oh and I talked to Tessa on Easter w/ dar on facetime. She’s doing this crazy ass coconut diet, hasn’t eaten real food in like a month. Made me feel like a fucking baby that whenever I smoked the past week and a half I started feeling horrified like I was starving to death. I’d start feeling my wrist and be like “OMG IS IT SUPPOSED to BE THIS BONY??” and just get in my head until I went out and ate something lmao.

But I feel really content rn. Super satisfied even though things are taking a not-too-sharp right turn. Super satisfied with myself even though I’m not chasing tail. Reeeally excited to finally finish my game and start training to kick some ass at melee again. Gotta get some more combo vid material before the season’s over, I’ve got some dubz shit that’s gonna go in that’s pretty fucking fire. 

Anyway, peace. Gonna enjoy this second weekend with a snap and some BOTW.