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ploompkin · 8 months ago

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@faerunsbest As promised, my headcanons for Tilses and Zevlor:

Tilses is one of those people who has always known what she wants to be when she grows up. She joins the Hellrider equivalent of the cadets as soon as she’s of age (I think that would be 16, but maybe it would even be younger, like 14?) and is the most hardworking out of all her peers. Like I imagine young Zevlor was, she has a strong sense of justice and a lot of faith that if she puts in the work and is ‘good enough’, then she’ll be able to help bring a good name to her tiefling people.

She’s a strong warrior but lacks refinement in her skill (obviously, she’s only young), and yet graduated from cadets top of her class. For that reason I think she’d immediately start working relatively close to Zevlor, maybe placed in one of his elite soldier’s care as a sort of apprentice kind of thing- so she quickly gets access to the inner circle of the Hellriders. The inner circle however, is full of older soldiers who grew up together, and is a far cry from the younger soldiers that she had just been training with a few months prior. She feels totally out of place and a little overwhelmed, and while her mentor tries to be kind to her… yeah.

That’s where our dear commander comes in! He immediately takes an interest in Tilly, because he sees his younger self in her and both admires that, and wants to protect the hope and ideals he knows she has. So. When he sees her sitting alone one evening, he just… wanders over and comes to sit with her. She’s very surprised, and kind of intimidated- because this is the commander of the Hellriders for Gods sake- the man whom she and the other cadets looked up to while they trained. (HC that at this point Zevlor has been a commander for near a decade). But then they just talk, and the conversation flows. She feels comfortable with him! For the first time, she starts to feel like a proper Hellrider.

The next time the inner circle are hanging out, she actually comes to sit with them— and beats them all at cards. (Whether or not they let her win is up for debate). Zevlor is so proud (affectionate dad!)

I think Zevlor probably, like many of the other Hellriders, only took temporary lovers and didn’t settle down. Being a Hellrider is for life, is the phrase commonly tossed around, which makes me think soldiers usually completely commit to their careers and have little time for anything else. Now he’s older though, he’s starting to wish he had a family of his own… so he comes to feel paternally towards Tilly very quickly because of that. Of course, she’s not his kid and he knows that, she’s his subordinate soldier and he forces himself to remember that and not soften his orders- but when they’re not on duty he’s noticeably sweeter with her than the others.

Then Avernus happens. The elite soldier originally responsible for overseeing Tilses as a new soldier is killed, leaving her floundering a bit— and so (unofficially) Zevlor takes over that role as her mentor. Because they’re in constant danger in the hells Tilly and another of the elites also take up the role as Zevlor’s body guards while he’s frantically trying to manage their forces in the face of more devils and imps than he ever thought any of them would ever face in their entire lifetimes. Their friendship deepens as a result, and they frequently fight by one another’s side, so they’re very in sync as well. Tilses very rapidly improves as a soldier because of all the combat experience, and very soon instead of just ‘the newbie’ she’s one of Zev’s most reliable swords.

Elturel eventually returns from Avernus, and… well, you know what happens. I feel like although Zevlor presents himself as resigned about it, I think he’s a lot more angry about getting exiled from his home city and the Hellriders than he lets on. Who wouldn’t be?! It’s just that he’s keeping it together for his fellow tiefling exiles, soldier and civilian alike. But the absolute disdain in his voice when he says to Tilses, “just Zevlor, Tilly. We’re civilians now, remember?” his voice was SO sour. That makes me think she’s one of the few people who get to see his true emotions (in moderation, anyway- he’s still very reserved even with friends- and he’s especially conscientious that she’s young and shouldn’t be shouldering the burdens of an older man). The way he actually filed his name and rank off his sword as well. He must have been both seething and upset as well as ashamed. What worse fate for a dedicated Hellrider, one whom has sworn to serve for life, to be kicked out?

As I put in a previous post, I think Tilses is greatly upset for herself, but even more so for Zevlor. He’s just this amazing person in her eyes, and he’s done so much for his people. How could this happen to him? She really struggles to accept it- refuses to even try at first, because it’s so wrong. It’s only when Zevlor himself snaps and tells her to stop calling him commander that the reality sinks in. And it’s awful.

Jumping ahead a bit, Tilly is both the person most absolutely heartbroken over Zevlor’s ‘betrayal’, and also the first one who decides there must have been more to it than met the eye. She’d track him down in Baldurs Gate (she survives, she definitely survives, nothing bad happened to her la la la can’t hear you) if he didn’t show, and before he can say a word she gives him the most crushing hug and tells him how much she missed him while trying not to cry. Zevlor does cry and breaks down in apologies, but she’s having none of it. She has a similar heart to him, so can guess the shame and grief he must be feeling. She reassures him, it wasn’t his fault, he’s still worthy, and he always will be in her eyes (maybe followed up with a little— platonic, very platonic— kiss on the cheek as well).

Does she fight in the final fight against the Brain…? Hmmmm I’m not sure. I can see Zevlor ordering her to stay behind because he’s terrified of losing her, but I doubt she’d take that lying down. Yeah, nah, if Zevlor is called into the battle, my girl is joining in that fight whether he gives his approval or not.

Because I like happy endings, they both survive the fight and after… they move in together. Why not? Whatever remaining blood family they had they probably lost in Avernus or along the road, and they’re both hurting and understand each other’s wounds. Zevlor would get a cottage on the outskirts of the city I think, away from the crowds, but close enough for Tilly to walk in for her job in the City Watch. He retires, and spends his time growing their own food and reading and just in general trying to process everything that’s happened. They live relatively simply, so the money from Tilses’ job is plenty to support them.

Tav probably visits them both quite frequently, which is when a romance sparks if you’re into that. Tilly would tease Zevlor about it constantly, but she’d be such a good wingwoman lol. She’s not letting the matter rest either until he confesses- or Tav beats him to it- and she’d be so proud when he does.

#zevlor #zevlor bg3 #bg3 #tilses #tilses bg3 #headcanon dump

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mimicteruyo · 2 months ago

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Hello, this is very random ask about your KomaEiki fanfics!

I’ve been reading your KomaEiki fanfic for about 3-4 years and I love every single one of them! I think my favorites out of all of them include Sleeping Beauty, Reflections of Higanbana, Glass Mirror and Nothing Says Romance Like Holding Back a Scolding.

I do have one question though, is Reflections of Higanbana sort of a “happy ending fix it fanfic” to Glass Mirror? I’m not sure if this was your intention when it came to writing Reflections of Higanbana but when I first read the fanfic I couldn’t help but think this due to the fact Eiki and Komachi were able to figure how they would handle their romantic relationship while also their work relationship at the same time while in Glass Mirror this wasn’t the case and Eiki basically couldn’t even tell Komachi she loved her due to work rules. I don’t know, I always felt like the two fanfics were connected somehow and that somehow the events of Reflections of Higanbana were the key to fixing the unrequited love story shown in Glass Mirror. The names for both of the fanfics also seem connected since mirrors reflect what is shown within them. I might be looking into things a bit too much but I wanted to see your perspective of things as the author of those fanfics.

Also very unrelated but thanks to those specific fanfics I couldn’t stop listening to the song Romeo and Cinderella by Doriko (this is a Vocaloid song) and it’s one of my favorite Vocaloid songs now. I would totally recommend listening to it if you are interested. Maybe the whole tragedy and happy ending thing got to my head a bit when reading those two fanfics…..

Back on topic though, do you have any plans to write a hurt/comfort KomaEiki fanfic by any chance? I’ve notice there really isn’t any out there and it would be really interesting to see your spin on things with this specific fanfiction trope.

Anyways keep up the good work!! 🐾🐾

Hi! This was a really fun ask to receive! Sorry it took me a while to reply: I wanted to think my answer through since your question was so thoughtful.

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you like the fics! KomaEiki feels like a pretty niche ship these days, so I'm always super delighted to find other people who enjoy it.

The short answer is yes, Reflections of Higanbana is a fix-it for Glass Mirror (and the names are indeed intentionally connected). I didn't deliberately reference anything from the older fic besides the title in the newer one, but the intention was definitely there.

The long answer is a bit more complicated. Before Glass Mirror, I wrote a LOT of KomaEiki that I never finished and which thus never saw the light of day, trying really hard to make fetch the ship happen. I was still new to writing as well as lacking in life experience, and combined with my then present neuroses about adhering to canon I just couldn't get it to work in a way that satisfied me. Ultimately I wrote Glass Mirror as the closest thing to KomaEiki I could at the time and basically gave up on writing romance fics altogether for years afterwards.

The basic structure of Reflections of Higanbana actually comes from one of those unfinished fics: it was a short fic dominated by dialogue, similarly taking place over the centuries but with an ending very similar to Glass Mirror. Weirdly enough I couldn't actually find it when I went looking for it in preparation for writing Reflections, but I swear it existed. 😂

Before Reflections, I'd finally gotten back to writing pure shipfic and realising how much I loved it. At the beginning I deliberately only wrote fluffy established relationship KomaEiki to avoid the issues that stymied baby!Mimic's KomaEiki attempts, but then I decided it was time to give a more serious fic another try and write what I'd so desperately tried to write back in the day. At that point, I'd grown up enough to realise that, you know, the characters could in fact have an adult conversation about their relationship and thus sort things out (and also by then canon had revealed that the administration of Hell is messy lmao), and so I finally managed to write the fic little me wanted to read.

Thank you for the song rec! I'll check it out! 😊

I'm certainly open to the idea of h/c KomaEiki, but unfortunately I can't promise anything: I've been in a pretty serious creative lurch for a long while now and haven't really had any new fic ideas all year. The most I can say is that one of the fics I'm currently horribly stalled on might have some KomaEiki in it. Anyway, I'll do my best to get out of this mire and start writing again.

Thank you for your continued support! 🌼

#asks #anonymous #teruyo talk #legitimately thank you so much for this #finding out people enjoy something I've written enough to contact me is a TREMENDOUS motivator #it means a ton

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kthstrawberryshortcake · 3 years ago

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BTS Reactions: Their S/O is Inexperienced Yet in Their Mid 20s

A/N: Here it is, my first post after my long-ass hiatus :) I hope you guys enjoy it! Requests are OPEN, please send some over! <3

PREMISE: OT7 reacting to finding out that their s/o is physically inexperienced relationship-wise / that this is their s/o’s first relationship despite them being in their mid 20s

A/N: I think a lot of people won't understand why this is a reaction in the first place (lol) but it can be super uncomfortable / awkward to have not dated / had any experience at that age, and a lot of people react badly to finding that out about someone. It's definitely an insecurity for a lot of people (myself included).

warning: mostly unedited due to my status as a trash gremlin

Jin:

Jin was completely shocked when he found out that you had never dated before him. Without thinking, he let this incredulity show on his face, total surprise evident and eyebrows raised. He was briefly silent in disbelief. You took that to mean that he thought you were weird now. You certainly felt that way.

Involuntarily, tears welled up in your eyes and Jin finally registered your distress. “What’s wrong?” he asked in concern, gently brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. You stared down at your feet, murmuring “You probably think I’m super strange now.” in explanation. Jin shook his head insistently, imploring that he didn’t find it weird at all.

“Honestly I was just shocked because I don’t know how you didn’t have people practically lining down the block to date you.” He explained, bringing a small smile back to your face. He pulled you into a hug, assuring you that he was in no hurry as long as he got to spend time with you.

Yoongi:

You and Yoongi were having a cozy night in and catching up on dramas. In the show you were presently watching, there was a character who was in her mid 20s that had never dated or even kissed anyone. Yoongi scoffed, rolling his eyes at this. “This is so unrealistic. Like come on, seriously? How do you get to be that age having never dated, having never even kissed somebody? It’s a completely absurd concept.”

You started to curl in on yourself, looking down with a tortured expression on your face. You were scared to explain the truth, fearful that if he knew he wouldn’t want you anymore. After a few minutes like that, Yoongi finally noticed your body language. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” He inquired gently. How were you going to explain this to him?

“I, um… I guess I kind of freaked out when you were talking about the plot being unrealistic… You were so sure it couldn’t happen that you were annoyed by it. And then I really didn’t know how to tell you that the plot line we were discussing is literally the same as me. I’ve never dated before, you’re the first… And when you kissed me for the first time, that was my first kiss.” You took a deep breath, having exerted a lot of energy to force out your words.

Yoongi’s eyes lit up in recognition, then guilt crept onto his features. “Baby no, I’m so sorry, I completely overreacted about the show. I shouldn’t have said all that. I never wanted to hurt your feelings.” Yoongi admitted sincerely. He could tell that you felt a little bit better after that reassurance.

"It’s not a bad thing to do things on a different timeline. Plus, I got the honor of being your first boyfriend because of it. Maybe I’ll be your last.” He said the last part quietly, smirking softly before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

Hoseok:

One of your favorite things about Hobi was his open and energetic attitude. He was truly one of the friendliest people you’d ever met, and it had felt easy to become close with him. You hadn’t been dating long at all, but the ease of conversation made it feel like you’d known each other for years.

On one particular day, the two of you were chatting over a dinner of your favorite delivery food. Hoseok was in the middle of a funny story about one of his exes, never one for unnecessary social boundaries or conventions, which was fine because you were laughing like crazy at the ridiculous tale he told. Then he continued, though, to tell (admittedly hilarious and absurd) stories about some of his other exes. You were entertained, certainly, though the number of people he seemed to have dated was a bit intimidating to you.

When he finally finished, he asked about *your* exes, and that was where the issue really started. You deflected, not wanting to directly bring attention to the fact that you had never dated before him. He became oddly persistent, seeming frustrated that you didn’t want to share. Not wanting him to misunderstand why you weren’t telling him what he wanted to know, you sucked it up and told him that he was your first boyfriend.

He was extremely surprised, but seemed to understand now why you had been reluctant to answer his questioning. He apologized for going on about exes for so long, and for inadvertently making you nervous. You assured him that it wasn’t a big deal, especially since the only important thing was your relationship moving forward, not either of your pasts.

Namjoon:

When you and Namjoon had only been together a few weeks (after a much longer friendship prior to your romantic relationship beginning), you were spending a nice chill evening at home, eating takeout and chatting. The two of you seemingly never ran out of things to talk about, one of the things you loved about being with him.

You don’t even remember what had led to it, but partway through the evening, he made some dumb joke about virgins and you visibly froze. You had yet to tell him about your lack of experience, and now you were terrified to. Was that really something he’d be bothered by? You hadn’t thought so, but his joking around about it made you doubt that. You did your best not to show your panic, paying unusually close attention to the glass of water you were drinking.

Unfortunately for you, your discomfort was completely apparent, and Namjoon asked you if you were okay. You nodded with a forced smile, making him frown, easily able to tell that you weren’t. You were afraid to tell him now because if it really bothered him that much, maybe it would disappoint him. Maybe it’d be a dealbreaker and he would lose interest in you. Unsure what to do, you stared at your hands, tense and worried. Namjoon lightly rested his hand on your shoulder, staring at you in concern. “Please tell me what’s wrong.” He implored gently.

At that moment you could no longer hold in your emotion, your fear, and tears began to leak from your eyes as you sniffled, starting to shake a bit as you cried. You let him pull you into his arms, holding you close as you tried to stop crying. After a few minutes of you trying to calm down, aided by Joon’s sweet behavior, he asked again what was wrong, insisting that you could tell him anything. Your chest felt tight, but you didn’t see a way out of sharing what had upset you.

When you explained what had happened, Namjoon felt horrible, cursing himself for having said something so dumb. He told you that it was just a stupid joke, not something he actually cared about, apologizing for upsetting you with his thoughtlessness. He made sure to assure you that it wasn’t a problem for him in the least, and that he was in no rush. Afterwards the whole situation seemed a little silly, though you remembered how genuinely panicked you had been only minutes before and shuddered. But things were immediately made better, the two of you snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie.

Jimin:

Your blossoming relationship with Jimin made you feel like you were walking on a cloud. He was incredibly sweet and so much fun to spend time with, you felt very lucky to be dating him now. Just to be sweet, you had picked up food from his favorite lunch place and were bringing it to him at the BigHit building, where he was currently busy at work in a practice room.

When you arrived, the door to the room was open, but you heard voices coming from inside. You only paused when you heard Jimin say your name. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, and you were about to announce your presence until you realized what he was saying. “You know I really like her, man, I just feel so unsure right now. There has been like, zero physical affection up to this point, nothing beyond hugs and holding hands.” Jimin grumbled, sounding irritated.

Tae hummed in acknowledgement, pausing before inquiring “So obviously you’re frustrated, but what are you thinking about it?” Jimin sighed. “Maybe she just doesn’t like me as much as I like her. I don’t want to think anything bad about her, but what if she’s playing me? Like, she doesn’t have actual feelings for me.” He sounded very down, clearly hurt by the mere possibility. At that moment you were so shocked by what you were hearing, you accidentally dropped the bag of takeout, hurrying to pick it up, but you’d already drawn attention to yourself.

Jimin and Taehyung looked beyond shocked to see you, and you realized you were crying. Taehyung excused himself to let the two of you talk. You walked farther into the room, approaching the boys. “I thought we could have lunch… I know you don’t take enough breaks, and I really wanted to see you…” You admitted quietly, unable to actually make eye contact.

“I just feel so horrible, it’s all my fault that you don’t even know how crazy I am about you. I can’t believe…. I let you be unsure of how much I care about you. It’s my fault, I’m so sorry Jimin.” By the end of what you were saying, you were holding back full sobs. Seeing how distressed you were, Jimin wasted no time in rushing to you and pulling you into his arms, hugging you close.

When you’d finally calmed down and stopped crying, you thought you owed him an explanation. “The lack of physical affection isn’t because I don’t like you. I like you more than I’ve ever liked anybody. I’ve just… never done anything. I haven’t even been in a relationship before now, it’s all new to me.” You admitted, feeling Jimin stiffen in your hug.

When you pulled back to look at him, tears were welling up in his eyes. “Oh, I’m the worst…” He muttered, feeling so guilty. “I was just frustrated, I was feeling insecure. Now that I know, I don’t mind one bit waiting for anything until you’re ready.” He assured you, planting a quick kiss on your forehead as you nodded understanding.

Tae:

It had only been a few weeks since Tae had confessed his feelings to you and the pair of you had started dating. Long before that, you’d been close friends, so you had spent a lot of time together over time. During one of your first few movie nights as a couple, things slowly began to escalate between you. You were sitting close together, seemingly focused on the film, when Tae moved to put an arm around you, pulling you closer so you were snuggled up beside him.

His eyes never left the screen, but there was a telltale little smirk on his face. You rolled your eyes a little, but you certainly didn’t mind. Despite it being such a small thing, at this stage in your relationship, this was a little bit thrilling. Soon you could feel him staring at you, and you turned your head to look back at him. His face had gotten much closer to yours than you’d expected. “…Tae?” you whispered, seeing both affection and mischief in his eyes. “Yes love?” He replied quietly in his gorgeous low voice, making you shiver just slightly.

You shook your head almost imperceptibly, and before you knew it his lips were on yours. You froze, all of this being completely new and foreign for you. Feeling you stiffen and fail to reciprocate the kiss, Tae pulled back to look at your face, wearing an expression of concern. “Um, I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have just… assumed you felt the same way…” He muttered nervously, not making eye contact. “No!” You exclaimed a little louder than you meant to, quieting your voice to a near-whisper before speaking again.

“No, Tae, I do feel the same way! I really, really do. I love you. I have since we were just friends. I… I want you too. Just, um, I don’t know what to do…. That was my first kiss just now and I kind of just panicked and froze.” You confessed, watching the surprise and then recognition cover his face. That was all it took to take his unsure expression back to a smug smirk. Knowing the power his voice held over you, he leaned in close to you to speak in your ear when he said “in that case, I think we need some practice, don’t you?” Oh boy.

Jungkook:

You had been seeing Jungkook for a couple of months now and it was more than apparent that he was smitten with you (and vice versa). He complimented you frequently, his heart eyes for you always clearly on display. The only problem was the way you practically jumped away from him any time he got close to you. He had definitely noticed your weird behavior, and though you didn’t know what to do about it, you knew it was only a matter of time until he brought it up in conversation.

When that moment came, you had just clammed up and pulled back from him when he tried to put his arm around you while watching a movie. When you saw his expression in reaction, you felt immensely guilty, seeing the hurt on his face. After a moment it shifted to extreme irritation, him clenching his jaw in annoyance. “What’s your problem? I can’t get anywhere near you without you freaking out and moving away in a hurry.” You couldn’t make eye contact anymore at that point, feeling the tears well up in your eyes as you were filled with the fear that you had ruined things with him.

“I… I don’t really know why I keep doing that, it’s just all new to me. I’ve never dated anyone before you so I kind of don’t know what to do with myself most of the time.” You confessed, trying to mask the sniffle that you gave as the first tear rolled down your cheek. Now it was Jungkook’s turn to feel guilty. He approached you slowly, asking you to look at him in a gentle voice. When you did, you saw that the irritation was completely gone, replaced with remorse and fondness. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, I could have just asked like an actual adult rather than how I behaved. I guess I was just insecure, afraid that you don’t like me in the same way I like you.” He explained, and you nodded slightly in understanding.

“That’s not it at all! I really *really* like you. A relationship is just totally uncharted territory for me and I handled it wrong. I should’ve just told you.” You sighed, the heaviness leaving your heart as an adorable bunny smile grew on his face. “Uncharted territory, huh? Well let me be your travel guide. We can be explorers together.” You rolled your eyes at his dumb joke, but smiled in spite of how silly his words were. You felt like now, with it all out in the open, things could be good with the two of you.

a/n: Feedback please! <3 I love to hear from y'all!

#bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts imagine #bts imagines #bts drabble #bts drabbles #bts fluff #bts fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts ot7

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lies · 1 month ago

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Spoilers and commentary from my latest rewatch below a cut.

I think this is my favorite Villeneuve movie of the ones I've seen (all his movies starting with Sicario).

There's a thing that I'm very sensitive to with sci-fi movies, dating to my childhood growing up reading hard sci-fi. I'm very unforgiving of stupid stuff that doesn't make sense. Noisy space, crowded orbits, gravity and inertia effects that don't remotely try to be believable... Certain kinds of space opera or whimsical fun I'm okay with; I love Buckaroo Banzai, Space Sweepers, and The Fifth Element (for example) even though they require me to turn off my believability sensors. But if a movie expects me to take it seriously as sci-fi it has to try not be stupid. And there are a lot of sci-fi movies that expect me to take them seriously that fail that test.

Which is fine; not every movie has to be for me.

Arrival is totally for me.

It does have some things that threaten to pull me out of the story. But I let those go because I'm emotionally invested. The big plot twist really works; Louise's depression at the beginning of the movie doesn't have to be a result of the sequence of events we've seen, but it makes sense that it would be. Rewatching the movie knowing what's really going on doesn't diminish the impact.

Villeneuve is so good at minimal storytelling. He does the "show me 2+2 but not 4" thing. He'll leave out the idiot lecture and trust me to understand, and he's so good at conveying mood that I know exactly what to feel even if all the pieces aren't laid out neatly in front of me.

There are some weaker parts of the movie. Ian's characterization suffers from a lack of detail, and the kooky-soldiers subplot is like stick figures. But I'm cool with saving that time for Louise's story, because Amy Adams' performance is so good. I'm still bummed she didn't get a Best Actress nomination.

One weird thing I noticed on my latest rewatch: When they have the montage narrated by Ian to cover the month or so when they're first making progress with heptapod language, I can see why it helps the pace of the movie, but I'm bothered that it doesn't really make sense. Where is that narration coming from? Ian delivers it in present tense, but who is he talking to? Why is this documentary being made? Who is it for? Some kind of government briefing? Some sort of personal log? Villeneuve expects the audience to recognize the format and not worry about it. Which is okay, I guess, though it bugs me that an explanation isn't even suggested.

I spent a lot of time on this rewatch thinking through the implications of the movie's big idea: how knowing heptapod language rewires Louise's brain to allow her to experience time the way they do. It seems especially significant given that the emotional climax of the movie is Louise's choice to have Hannah despite knowing the future.

Which is a) really cool in how it is depicted: not by showing us the events (like Louise and Ian's breakup) actually happening, but by seeing the effects. Louise realizes "why my husband left me" as she's talking to Ian after her last visit to the shell. Hannah has the conversation with Louise about why her father left, and how he doesn't look at her the same way any more. But also b) super interesting in terms of the implication of the heptapod concept of time on the narrative stakes of the story.

What I mean is: The climax of the story is Louise's choice to have Hannah despite knowing the future. The moment in which she makes that choice is literally the last shot of the film. Except that according to heptapod cosmology she doesn't make a choice at all.

In heptapod cosmology causality doesn't exist. There are no choices. There is just one timeline, one sequence of events, with past, present, and future all existing whole and complete. Louise gets Shang's private number and learns his wife's dying words from him so she can call him 18 months previously and convince him to stand down. The heptapods come back and deliver their language to humanity thousands of years in the past so humanity can help them in the future. Those events are immutable. They always happen, and always did happen.

That immediately raises the question of free will. If Louise, having seen the future, chooses to try to prevent that future from happening, what is the result? Does she follow a different branch in the multiverse to a different future? Or does it turn out that her action to prevent the future actually ends up creating the exact future she already saw? (There are other ways to try to resolve this issue, but those are the big ones.)

In the first of those scenarios free will is preserved, but at the cost of foreknowledge; Louise can't act on the basis of knowing future events without changing those events. In the second scenario foreknowledge is preserved, but at the cost of free will. Louise doesn't actually have a choice to make, because she's already made it as part of the playing out of the singular timeline. It might look and feel like a choice from a linear-time perspective, but only from that perspective.

On this rewatch I was thinking through the implications of this, and it struck me that Ian really is wrong to blame Louise. He thinks she made the wrong choice having Hannah. But from Louise's heptapod-language-informed perspective, there was no alternative. She chose life for Hannah, even a tragically short life, but only in the sense that she always had and always would make that choice in the singular timeline that heptapod language revealed to her.

In a sense Arrival is structured as a story about someone who learns to speak heptapod, but told by and for people who don't speak heptapod. The film's dramatic arc, leading up to the key moment when Louise chooses to have a child she knows to be doomed, is based on a lie, the lie that she actually makes a choice.

Except for this: I've watched this movie something like 5 or 6 times now. I'll probably watch it again. In choosing to rewatch it, and in finding it emotionally satisfying even though I know how it ends, I'm playing out a heptapod-cosmology scenario myself. If rewatching a beloved movie can be satisfying even though I know what will happen, then there can be emotional significance in Louise choosing life for Hannah, even if Louise always only ever made that choice the one way.

Side note: If Hannah dies in a preventable accident rather than from an incurable disease the issue gets more complicated. In "Story of Your Life" (the story Arrival was based on), Ted Chiang embraced that complexity; Louise's daughter dies at 25 in a rock-climbing accident, and Louise doesn't use her foreknowledge to try to prevent it. I respect that storytelling choice. But movies don't have the space that novellas do to explore complex ideas, so I guess I forgive the screenplay for changing that, even though it bugs me a little to see the puppet strings.

Despite knowing the journey and where it leads, I embrace it. And I welcome every moment of it.

Arrival (2016) dir. Denis Villeneuve

#arrival #story of your life #spoilers

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j-j-ehlby-writes · 3 years ago

Text

Almost (c.e.)

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Word Count: ~5.9k

Summary: You and Chris were set up on a blind date by your mutual friends. Sparks flew, but you never heard from him again. Two years later, you come face-to-face with him once more for their friends wedding.

Warnings: Some angst, swearing, not much else

A/N: This is a mixture of the movie “Life as We Know It” (mmm Daddy Josh Duhamel 🤤), a dating experience I had, and one scene from One Tree Hill. Enjoy.

My Masterlist

Two years ago…

My heart is pounding all the way to my ears. My hands are shaking under the table. My knee bounces uncontrollably as I wait.

I knew this was a bad idea. Why did I let her convince me to do this?

“You haven’t had a boyfriend for as long as I’ve known you.” My best friend so pointedly mentioned when we were out to lunch last week.

“What’s wrong with that?” I counter.

“I’ve known you for three and a half years.” She deadpans. Even without looking at her, I know she has her eyebrow raised at me and her lips are pursed.

“Your point?” I know she thinks my serious lack of companionship these past few years is wearing on me, but it’s been quite the opposite. Not being attached is freeing. I can do what I want when I want; I don’t have anyone to answer to. If I want to sleep until 3 on a Saturday, I’m going to do it. If I don’t want to socialize with anyone, I won’t. If I want to take a spontaneous road trip, I’m going to do it. My life is my own and that’s how I like it.

“I want my best friend to have someone to experience life with.”

My shoulders dropped, sighing in defeat. There was no way I was getting out of this conversation.

“I want you to be as happy as I am.” I see the love in her eyes as her mind goes to her boyfriend and their new relationship. They’ve only been together for a few months, but I know that this is it for her. She’s a smitten kitten and he is equally as infatuated with her. They’re sickeningly cute. “Which is why I think you need to meet one of his friends-”

“Lemme stop you right there,” I interrupt her, “I hate blind dates.”

“You’ve never been on one.”

“And there’s a reason for that.” She rolled her eyes at me. “They’re cliché, they’re awkward for both parties, and they never amount to anything, thus being a total waste of time.”

She sighed, “Ever the skeptic.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

“Regardless,” she continues, “I think you’ll really like this guy. He’s already expressed interest in you.”

Like that makes everything better. “Great so now I have to live up to his impossible expectations of me when I know absolutely nothing about him.” As if the idea of a blind date wasn’t bad enough, now it’s only a semi-blind date. There’s no doubt in my mind that she has hyped me up impossibly high, that’s what a best friend is for. However, when your confidence level is next to none and already skeptical of the pending meeting, there’s no way he’ll like who I am in reality.

“I can tell you anything you want to know about him.” She is bargaining with me. She really wants me to meet this guy. She wouldn’t be trying this hard if she didn’t believe we would hit it off.

“Well is he nice?” This was the only real question I had. If he isn’t kind then there’s really no future.

“Incredibly!” She continues to tell me of the many things he has done for a charity he started a few years ago and slowly but surely she was starting to convince me. If he was that generous then he has to have a good heart and therefore is a good man.

How bad could it be?

I check my phone, glancing at the time. Great, he’s late. That can’t be a good start.

Numerous reasons why popped into my head.

Reason one: he saw me and bolted.

Reason two: he got into an accident on the way here and he could be in the hospital.

Reason three: he changed his mind and decided to stand me up.

More and more played through my head as I sipped my drink.

By the time I was on my second drink, I was convinced he wasn’t showing up. I knew this was a ridiculous idea. I knew I shouldn’t have done this. I never should have listened to her.

I chugged the rest of my drink followed by some water before standing up to leave some cash. I was slightly humiliated for actually thinking this would be any different than all of my expectations.

My shoulder rammed into another as I turned to leave.

“Oh my, God, I’m so sorry!” A hand steadied me, gently grabbing the shoulder he ran into. “Are you okay?”

“My already small ego is a little bruised, but I think I’ll live.” I looked up to meet my assaulter’s eyes and immediately I froze.

Holy shit, it’s Chris Evans.

His piercing blue eyes were staring right at me, his concern was directed towards me. In all of his charming, ray of sunshine, bearded glory, he was here.

“I’m so sorry that I’m late. Traffic was insane over the bridge. I would have called but I don’t have your number.” He half-smirked but not in a cocky way. I’d seen him do it in interviews before. He could have come up with a lame excuse, but somehow I knew he was telling the truth.

“No, it’s okay. I understand completely.”

He sighed in relief, his gorgeous and perfect smile taking over his features. He looked down at the table and it disappeared. “Were you leaving?”

“Uh,” I stammered, “I was because I thought I was being stood up.”

“I feel awful. Please let me make it up to you. Let’s sit down, have a nice dinner, and get to know each other.”

I hesitate, now even more nervous than I was before.

As if sensing my hesitation, he decided to sweeten the pot a bit to persuade me, “We can even get dessert.”

I chuckle at his attempt. That’ll do it though. I sit back down with him following suit, finally starting our date.

We talked about everything. Anything and everything. No topic was off limits. Hours went by but it felt like minutes. We didn’t even know how long we’d been there until our waiter came to tell us that the restaurant was closed. We left and walked around the city until the night sky was giving way to the morning. He accompanied me back to my car, gave me the best hug I’ve ever received and a kiss on the cheek, promising we’ll get together again soon, and opening and closing my car door for me. I drove away with the biggest smile on my face and literal butterflies in my stomach. That was the best date I’d ever been on.

When I made it back to my apartment with the early morning rays peeking through my shades, I had a text message waiting for me from him. Just a simple good night, he had had an amazing time, and he couldn’t wait to see me again.

I fell asleep, hopeful. Hopeful that I would see him again, that this could maybe go somewhere. I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but it was hard not to. I hadn’t felt this way in an exceptionally long time. I haven’t been on this good of a date in equally as long. I can’t wait to see him again…

Present day...

I finally pull into the parking lot after an hour stuck in traffic. My 12-hour day at work today has taken a lot out of me. I’m exhausted, mentally and physically. Thankfully though, my 2-week-long vacation starts tomorrow. After that, I have fourteen days of no working, no getting up at the ass crack of dawn to be able to drive in miserable traffic, no dealing with difficult or boring co-workers. Just fourteen days of rest and relaxation, after the wedding of course.

My best friend and her fiancé are getting married on Saturday. I’ve watched them go through all of their highs and lows throughout the last few years and when he came to me telling me he planned on proposing, I couldn’t have been happier for them. He even asked me to secretly photograph the moment for her. She was more than surprised about everything.

Now their wedding is here and everyone couldn’t be more excited to celebrate them.

Tomorrow is their rehearsal dinner. The wedding party and their plus ones are all invited.

I walk into my apartment, immediately relieving myself from the confines of my shoes. A heavenly scent registers to me and I’m carried all the way to the kitchen. I see my sexy boyfriend standing at the stove with his back towards me.

“Hey babe,” he calls without turning around.

I hum, happily making my way towards him. I wrap my arms around his waist, placing a kiss on his back. “What is that unbelievable smell?”

He chuckles, vibrating through his chest. “Your favorite, of course.”

I hum again, “You spoil me, baby.”

He chuckles again, turning in my arms. His handsome face finally came into view. His gorgeous brown eyes look into mine as I get lost in his. For the past year, I’ve been the happiest I’ve been in a while. Since the day I met him, it was like everything fell into place. He’s sweet, ambitious, funny, kindhearted, passionate, and just overall the best man I had ever met. He makes me so happy…

Oh who am I kidding? He’s perfect. He is everything I ever wanted. If I made a list of all of the qualities I wanted in a husband, he would check off every single box.

But the feelings I have had for him over the last year are nothing compared to what I had in one night for him. I find myself wishing his eyes were bright blue instead of dark brown. I wish his arms were around me instead of the ones around me right now. The butterflies from that night have stayed dormant ever since.

I don’t know what happened after that night. I honestly thought we had a good time that night. Conversations flowed seamlessly. We made each other laugh so hard we had tears running down our faces. The physical connection was there- at first he had his arm around my shoulders as we walked around town, but as time went on he slowly moved lower around my waist, eventually intertwining our hands together until we arrived back at our cars. He even said that he wanted to see me again.

But I never heard from him again after that one text message. No call, no text, not even a message from my friend’s boyfriend. Nothing. I was disappointed beyond belief. I didn’t think he was that guy: the type to ditch someone without any explanation or goodbye. I thought I understood him to be a gentleman. Everything I had read about him pointed to him being one of the purest humans in the world. This was the opposite of all of that.

From that day on, I’ve loathed him. He gave me the perfect evening and then cut me off cold turkey from anything further. I have a three strike rule. His first: he was late. His second: he tricked me into liking him. His third: he lied to me. Three strikes and he’s out.

I have tried not to look back since. It’s not without its difficulties though since he’s literally everywhere. On magazine covers, in commercials, movie trailers, streaming services- he’s there. Why did he have to be such a successful actor? If he weren’t, it would make for forgetting him that much easier.

No closure. No answers. Nothing.

The rehearsal dinner went smoothly the next night which hopefully was foreshadowing for the big day itself.

A majority of us were standing around about to start when the doors loudly being opened drew everyone’s attention away from our milling about. A man stood in the middle of the doorway then strode in like he owned the place. The closer he got, the more the details of his face came into focus.

No. Freaking. Way.

I look toward my best friend. She looked like she wasn’t shocked he was late, but she knew he was coming. I creep up behind her and clear my throat. Instantly she cringed.

“Did you forget to tell me something?” I whisper to her.

She sends me an apologetic smile, “Well, I actually put off telling you ‘cause I didn’t know how you would react and then I meant to tell you last night but with the whole ‘I’m getting married in two days’ buzz took over and now the rehearsal is here-”

“Just please tell me I’m not walking in with him.” I beg.

She chuckles nervously before she escaped to go greet him with her fiancé.

I turn to her sister who is also one of my closest friends. “Did you know he was going to be a groomsman?”

The guilt written in her face tells me everything I need to know. “She made me promise not to tell you.”

I groan, “The loyalty level around here is staggeringly low.”

I head over to where my boyfriend is standing and take comfort in his arms before I have to deal with the man who broke my heart.

“Are you okay?” He asks a little confused by my actions.

I nod, “Just tired from last night.” He chuckles at the mention of the night before, squeezing me into his chest.

“Alright everyone! Time to get started.” The wedding coordinator beckons us all to the back entrance of the barn standing next to our corresponding wedding party member. I stand right in front of the Maid of Honor and Best Man. I kept my eyes forward focusing on anything but the guy who took his place next to me.

“It’s good to see you,” He murmurs to me over the instructions of the coordinator.

I scoff and roll my eyes. He has the nerve to say that to me after two years of silence. I imagined a million times what it would be like to see him again. I’d imagined a lot of screaming with possible hitting. Or I thought about the ever-effective, old fashioned silent treatment. He doesn’t deserve to know that our one night out together effected me so much and I’ve carried a rather large torch for him ever since. At the very moment, it will be the latter, but there’s no telling what tonight and tomorrow will bring.

“Now ladies, rest- don’t grab- your hand near the crook of his arm. Men, keep your arm at that angle with an open hand resting on your stomach- no fist. And don’t forget to smile- this is a happy day!” As quickly as he showed up, the coordinator was on to the bride and her father before either of us could register he was there.

I begrudgingly did as I was instructed, “resting” my hand on his bare forearm, holding a stand-in bouquet for the occasion in my other hand.

“Are you not going to talk to me?” He speaks again but I ignore him once more.

Thankfully that was when it was our turn to walk down the aisle. For the rest of the rehearsal, he didn’t get a chance to say anything else. As soon as we were done, I go straight for my boyfriend. I figured there’s no way he would approach me if I were with another man.

We all head to the restaurant afterwards to celebrate the last night before our friends begin their lives together as husband and wife. I keep my distance from Chris, always sticking close with my boyfriend.

The one moment I was alone was when I went to the bathroom. I thought for the few minutes I wouldn’t be in danger.

However I was wrong.

As soon as I step out an arm shot out in front of me. A very pale muscular arm.

“Are you seriously going to ignore me for the next two days?”

I duck under his arm fully planning on continuing what I set out to do.

“Y/N,” he grabs my arm, “will you please talk to me? What did I do to make you so mad at me?”

I whip around hopefully sending daggers his way. “Are you serious right now?”

“She finally speaks!” He exclaims.

“Because I cannot believe what I’m hearing. Like, I don’t think I heard you right.” All of the feelings I’ve been burying for two years were making their way up to the surface and I don’t think I can stop them. “We had a fantastic night. It was literally the best night of my life, it was the most comfortable with a guy that I had ever been. You made me laugh, you gave me butterflies, you helped me feel for the first time in years.” I try to swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat. “You told me you wanted to see me again. You made me excited for the future for once in my life… and then you took it away.”

With every second that passed, his expression got closer and closer to utter defeat: his shoulders slumped, his grip on my arm loosened, his jaw slowly unclenched, his eyebrows furrowed.

“You were late,” I hold up one finger, “You tricked me,” two fingers,” “You lied to me.” Three fingers were up and in front of his face for emphasis. “Three strikes and you’re out.”

I back away from him, having nothing more I wanted to say. As soon as I turned the corner, I felt liberated… for about five seconds. When that passed, devastation hit. For the last two years, I’ve held out hope- I tried not to- but I did, that maybe someday something could happen between us. That maybe, just maybe, we could pick up where we left off that night.

Now that the moment of confrontation has come and gone, I feel all the hope fade away. All of those possibilities I pictured have left the building. Being with him is no longer an option. I have my boyfriend who makes me happy, who gives me everything I could possibly want.

The rest of the night went on without another incident. Chris kept his distance. However, I could feel his eyes on me for every second that passed as we sat at the table. It was a relief when we finally left and could retreat back to our hotel rooms for the night. The bride and I got to stay in a suite that we’ll all be getting ready in in the morning. They wanted to uphold the “not seeing each other the night before the wedding,” even though they’ve lived with each other for a year and a half now.

On the wedding day, everything went according to plan. Everyone was on time to hair and make-up, pictures went flawlessly, the weather cooperated with everything, Chris didn’t attempt to talk to me at all- it was a perfect day to watch two people who love each other commit to the other for the rest of their lives.

But then came the reception. That’s when I knew apparently all bets would be off. The ceremony was over. Niceties would wear off as more and more alcohol is consumed. I was not looking forward to it.

We make our ridiculous entrances and take our seats at the head table. We eat then speeches were made. Lots of laughs were had as the Best Man dished on stories he had with the groom growing up, a few tears were shed at her sister’s after recounting the moment the bride knew he was the man of her dreams- overall I’d say they were a success.

Again, I felt his eyes on me, burning holes in the side of my head from the other side of the groom for the entire dining portion of the evening. I kept myself from glancing in his direction, instead focusing on the conversations with the bride’s sister next to me and my boyfriend who is across the way- anything not to meet his eyes.

Finally the DJ announces it was time for all to convene on the dancefloor after the specialty dances. I immediately see my boyfriend start to stand, knowing he’d been ready for this all night. I’d been looking forward to dancing with him all night as well, I even removed my shoes in anticipation. As I stand up, a hand is held out in front of me. I knew whose hand it was. I remember staring at it as he would rub his lips on our date. The strength of it as it intertwined with mine as we walked down the streets of our town, the safeness I felt as he squeezed it if he detected I was getting anxious around a group of people and I needed the reassurance. I knew that hand well, unfortunately.

“Dance with me?” He nearly whispers in my ear. I didn’t realize he was that close until I could feel said whisper on my neck. I contain the shiver that runs down my spine at how husky his voice is. God I’ve missed that…

No! I will not be enchanted by him again. He does not deserve me.

I exhale the breath I was holding, it comes out a lot harsher than I expected. “No, thank you.” I turn away from him, but his hand gently grabs my arm stopping me from going any further.

He whispers again, “He’s not good enough for you,” before walking away.

I’m frozen in place. I glare at his retreating back as he makes his way over to the bar. My mouth hangs open in disbelief. How dare he… How fucking dare he assume anything about me or my relationship. He doesn’t know anything about what our relationship is like. My boyfriend treats me so well, spoils me even though I know I don’t deserve it. He listens to me, he cares about me, and he makes me laugh until I cry- he’s everything I’ve wanted in a man. Chris is the one who had his chance and subsequently blew it. He has no right to judge or even comment on my relationship when he knows absolutely nothing about it.

I hurriedly make my way to my awaiting boyfriend and pull him onto the crowded dancefloor. “You okay?” He asks me, “Did he say something to upset you?”

“Nothing worth repeating.” All I wanted to do was forget about him and his irrelevant feelings towards my relationship…

…Except I couldn’t. His words rattled me. Does he see something I don’t? He told me on our date that he’s an excellent judge of character so he wouldn’t say something like that unless he got a bad feeling, right? Either that or he said it just to get under my skin and force me to talk to him. No matter the reason I hate him for it because my pride won’t let it stand.

I spot him leaning against the bar, staring directly at the two of us over the rim of his glass. His perfect eyebrow quirks up at the eye contact, that sets my blood to boiling. He thinks he’s so smug. I wish I could just slap that stupid hidden smirk right off his perfect face…

Following a few dances, I mutter something about him going to dance with the bride to my boyfriend before exiting the dancefloor. I rush out of the barn, away from the crowd needing some air from his suffocating gaze. I find a little lit area that’s perfect for pictures. There are rectangular hay bales set together as a makeshift U-shaped bench with some low watt bulbs strung up above between two poles. It would be serene if I weren’t already on edge.

After taking a few deep breaths, I finally feel like I can speak without yelling. “You had no right.”

I didn’t have to turn around to know he followed me out here. It’s exactly what I wanted him to do, just like it was his intention to get under my skin. As much as I wished to avoid this conversation it seems that we can’t go on without it. We may tear each other apart in the process, but this is my chance for closure. This is my only opportunity to get the answers I’ve been needing to move on for the past two years. Two years of wondering what went wrong after the most perfect date I’ve ever been on with an equally perfect man has been eating at my heart and mind. I hated always wondering “what if” or “what would I be doing right now if I were with him” especially when I started dating my boyfriend. I had no answers as to why those questions could not be. I thought with time I’d stop asking them, thinking I’d never see the man again. He’s a big movie star, why would he wonder about a woman he went on one date with?

As I expected, his deep baritone voice comes behind me, but his words do little to ease my nerves. In fact they set them off even more so than before. “I’m sorry.”

I scoff at his half-hearted apology, knowing he doesn’t mean it at all. “Oh bite me, Christopher.” I turn around to face him. God he looks even better out here. The subtle gold glow from the lights are complimenting his skin tone, they make his baby blues shine which just frustrates me more.

“Please, Y/N,-” He takes a step closer to me, but I won’t have that.

“No,” I take a step back keeping the needed distance between us for fear I may strangle him. “I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. You had no right to pass judgment on a relationship that you know absolutely nothing about.”

He slips his hands into the pockets of his dress pants. “Oh, I’ve seen enough.”

“Really?” I jut my hip out, resting my hand on it. “In the two days you’ve been here, you think you’ve got us all figured out?”

“Yes,” he answers with conviction.

My shaking hands clench into fists, trying my damnedest not to lose control. I entangle them into my hair as best as I can without ruining the work the hairstylist did this morning before running them down my face. He has some nerve.

“We had one night. One night! One nearly perfect night together and suddenly that makes you an expert on what is good for me?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘an expert’-”

“I wouldn’t say anything!” I interrupt, “I never heard from you again. Now after two years, you come in here acting like you know anything about me or my relationship? Who do you think you are?”

“A man who made a mistake!” He snaps.

There was a long pause. I never expected to hear that from him. All these years I wanted to think the worst of him for leaving me hanging like that. He got my hopes up, thinking we may have a future together only for them to come crashing back down to Earth when he never contacted me again. I wondered and wondered if maybe I read the signals wrong. Maybe I took his flirting as more than it was. Maybe the small gestures like his arm around my shoulders, on the small of my back, or the hand holding were only him being friendly. I wracked my brain going over every single detail of the night to try and pinpoint a reason for him not to have called me afterwards. I found nothing, which was equally as frustrating.

“Alright, I made a mistake.” He moves to sit on one of the hay bales. He rests his elbows on his knees and buries his head in his hands, letting out a huge sigh. “God I wanted everything with you.”

Once again, I’m frozen by his words. He what? But that doesn’t make sense. His words and his actions don’t line up- how could that be?

He removes his hands from his face, staring at the grass. “After that night, I wanted it all. I wanted to settle down, get the house with a white picket fence in the suburbs, carry you through the threshold after our wedding day, bring our children home from the hospital, watch them grow until we’re old and gray. I wanted everything.”

My heart aches. All of that was exactly what I wanted, especially with him. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes, my heart breaking mourning the loss of what we could have had by now if he had only said something.

I also find my anger growing as well. If he felt all of that, why did he not contact me again? Why did he give me hope that our night out together could have been the start of something good and then taken it away just as quickly?

“But?” There had to be a “but” coming after his statement. Clearly something stopped him from pursuing the possibility of “us,” destroying any future we could have had.

He sighs, “but…” he finally looks up at me with more emotion in his eyes than I was expecting. There was contemplation, confusion, honesty, agony…

I look away. In an instant I knew what he was about to say. It makes complete sense. He was at the height of his career, shooting movie after movie all around the world for a majority of the year. How would he have had time to have a relationship mixed in with that? He couldn’t.

“Your career was more important,” I interject, “I get it. I do.” I couldn’t fault him for choosing work over someone he just met, no matter how much he claims to have liked me right off the bat. He was going to be busy. We probably wouldn’t have had a lot of time to see each other. It’s not like I could give up my career to follow him. Besides even if I could have, he wouldn’t want that. He said so himself. He wanted someone who was independent; who could do their own thing and not be enveloped in his crazy life.

He stands up and steps closer to me, “no, that wasn’t it. I promise you that wasn’t it.”

There’s that word. Promise. He promised we’d see each other again soon after our night together. But he broke that.

“Then what was it?” My voice cracks at the end. I can feel my reserves slipping the more he speaks. I didn’t realize how much I missed his voice until now. I haven’t seen any of the movies he’s been in the last few years. I have him and his hashtag blocked on all social media platforms so I don’t see anything of his on any of my timelines. My other friends think I don’t like him (only my best friend and her now husband know about our date). To hear it again brings back all of the good memories we made together in that short night and all of the emotions I’ve been holding back since. “I have been wracking my brain for years wondering what went wrong after that.”

“I got scared,” he finally admits the truth. “I got scared of how much I liked you and how much I wanted to protect you.”

“From what?”

“From me,” he casts his gaze down at his hands as he fidgets with them, “and my life. I didn’t want to subject you to the chaos that is my life. I know what my fans would do to you if we were in a relationship, I was trying to protect you from all of the ugly that being with me comes with.”

So that’s what he was afraid of? He was afraid our relationship would inevitably end exactly like his last one? His “fans” were horrible to her. They sent death threats to her and her family members, always commenting negatively on her social media pages all because she was dating him. I remember reading about it right after it happened. I knew that side of his fandom was toxic. But did I care? No. Did I think I couldn’t handle it? I honestly don’t know, but would I have been willing to deal with it for him? Yes. I would have given up anything to be with him. That’s precisely why he did what he did. He didn’t want me giving anything up for him because he knows I’d be giving up any semblance of privacy I had if I were in a public relationship with him.

If I had known these were the reasons why he ghosted me, I would have been broken hearted but I would have understood. Hell, I probably would have fallen more in love with him if I knew that, not fallen in loathe.

He continues, “I thought that if I never contacted you again, you could move on”- he clears his throat-“and find someone better than me who could give you the normal life you deserve. Which as much as I wish I couldn’t, I see that you have…” he pauses as if deciding whether he should keep speaking. When I don’t stop him, he does, “But I can’t help feeling like that could have been me.”

My slightly shaky hands cover his fidgeting ones. His hand moves until he’s intertwining our fingers together, palms touching. They fit perfectly together as if they were each other’s missing puzzle piece. His thumbs stroke mine sending warmth down my arms all the way down to my toes. The sparks I felt back then return with full force. He leans down, pressing his forehead against mine. My heart is beating out of my chest, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t feel it in some way.

I feel my heart break in my chest. My lip quivers and the tears threaten to make themselves known. My only saving grace is the fact that he can’t see my face. I may lose it completely if he did.

His breath is coming out equally as shaky between us, he squeezes my hands as if he doesn’t want me to let go. Believe me, I don’t want to. I bring one of our interlocked hands up to my lips. I kiss the back of his hand because I can’t kiss him where I want to. I pull back just enough to see his beautiful baby blues that could have any woman in the world swoon. They were terribly bloodshot right now but that only made them more tragically breathtaking. I tear one of my hands out of his and bring it to his cheek. He leans into it, a tear drops into the crevices between the contact.

The barely above whisper that came out was all I could muster without having a total breakdown because he’s right. It could have been him. We could have been something great. We could have built a life together. We could have had it all. And it broke my heart into a million pieces knowing all of this could have been avoided if life had handed both of us different lives.

“It almost was.”

~*~

Taglist: @the-marvel-wars @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @princess-evans-addict

#almost #Chris Evans #christopher robert evans #christopher evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans imagine #chris evans drabble #chris evans oneshot #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #jj ehlby writes

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tomatograter · 4 years ago

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What are your Thots on jake’s pq route?

I already wrote some about it in this post where I discuss the problem with taking dirkjake as a literal parallel to tavris (Mainly, that it’s inaccurate to both situations and misrepresents the dynamics at play) but it’s been long enough since release that I feel like I can talk about it without that criticism being taken as a personal witch hunt. TL;DR: As a general rule of thumb I don’t cite Jake’s PQ as part of his characterization, and I think basing your Jakewriting on it will only lead you astray.

I liked a lot of the Pesterquest routes and the alphas were among some of my favorites, but I think when you play the four of them in sequence Jake’s really... stands as the odd one out. It’s almost as if he’s afforded way less sympathy from the get go for some indiscernible reason, or like MSPAR took a day to say ‘I can’t stand this kid in particular’ after dealing with waaaaaaaay more mindboggling troll customs or stupid dangerous situations that tested their patience and their limits. When it comes down to it, it’s mostly an issue of framing.

Let’s go with the “Just the Alpha routes” example, because I think that makes the overall context clearer and the response/reactions it gathered (or the lack thereof) easier to understand. The alpha kids were the last 4 Pesterquest episodes. They were also afforded entire volumes just for themselves, which cemented our expectations on “oh, they’re going to really dig into unexplored territory!” and for the most part, that’s what we got! It was really nice to see the internal mechanics of Jane as someone raised within a corporate echochamber, Roxy as a grieving, isolated kid, deprived of all human contact, and Dirk as a nerdy doomsday prepper haunted by private flashes of himself as a supervillain. It all works! Those are things the alpha kids were dealing with on the background of the broader Homestuck story, things we were only hinted at as the *larger* problems played out. It makes you understand their point of view. Except on Jake's route, where nothing about his life seems to be relevant at all?

With Jane we get discussions about HIC and her family, with Roxy beautiful passages about a mother they never met and growing up alone— Same for Dirk, who gets a whole brother zapped from an alternate timeline. But on Jake's route there's not even an expansive dialogue path dedicated to Grandma English, Skaianet, the rebellion, or the giant red ship that came and murdered her in the night and then bombed his house, leaving him trapped inside his only surviving tower. No understanding passage realizing that this kid has had to fend for himself in an island full of Actual Giant Alien Monsters trying to eat him alive, or that he cremated his guardian specifically to avoid attracting predators to the scent of fresh blood drying on her mutilated corpse at the age of an actual toddler. The text refuses to dig into any of the psychological implications or impact an environment like this could have on a kid, which is even weirder when you consider MSPAR has met and helped Vriska get out of a similar situation. The whole thing with Jane in the previous volume has just happened, even, while Jake's particularities go unremarked. He was just supposed to deal with it. And that's because a choice was made to portray all of Jake's problems in this route as sort of... single handedly Dirk's fault? Something he should have Just Dealt with?

There's not even a hint that Jake knows Hal exists. Which is important! Jake can pick out Hal from Dirk based on *verbal cues*, and the fact that he considers Hal a barrier between him and his "real friend" getting to communicate with one another is a whole point of contention (and even comedy) in the story proper. Instead of examining Jake's isolation, or grief, or how he literally locks himself in his room and plasters it with cinematic posters to pretend he's just the main lead of a wacky adventure movie in the face of the immense shitshow outside, we get brobot acting nonsensically and threatening to break into Jake's room to beat him up.

A general reminder on brobot: He was programmed to scout the jungle and deal with predators so Jake could a) Be allowed to safely leave his room (something he simply didn't do before age 13 out of sheer terror, and we know this because dirk and jake talk about it on his birthday conversation, when he first gets brobot) and

b) Learn how to defend himself in the case of a surprise attack, with different combat settings adjusted to his level. The brobot has a novice mode Jake feels patronized by, but pushes him up levels quickly enough. In Homestuck proper, the brobot only enters "stalking mode" after Hal gets pissy with Jake for finding him out, and forcefully switches the setting on to make Jake work for the Uranium inside it. When you take Hal out of the picture, this plotline makes no sense! Jake's route is set way before the Alphas even think of entering the game, so this particular event hasn't even happened. Jake goes on to text Roxy and she turns the stalking setting off remotely anyways, so even if brobot was programmed to murder Jake in his sleep, or jump him inside the safe zone of his room (he's not) he has literally no reason to be acting like that when he's been set to Baby Buff Up Mode.

(Brobot does end up spontaneously pulling himself apart to give Jake his reward after this)

Which brings me to my other problem with the general framing of this volume; the alpha kids don't feel present in Jake's life as friends at all. It's all "romantic options" and "shipping discourse" and MSPAR making these silly logic jumps to justify insisting on this line of query, and all it does is completely flatten out anything of interest having to do with Jake as a Person, to build up an image of Dirk as being suspicious and shady for his volume and more or less come to the conclusion that Jake sucks because he just Cant Choose Who To Date Between All His Friends! And that's why jake is just like tavros… and dirk is just like vriska! Or something.

And just as a reminder, here's Jake talking with Roxy so I don't have to explain why that feels like a weird choice to me. (click to zoom)

And then there's the endings. On the vriska ending, MSPAR just ends up weirdly angry at jake for being such a piss baby and not getting that he's tavros and dirk is vriska so he had to… uh… take all his anger out on this 13 year old alien girl he has never met and teach her a lesson to prepare to do the same on dirk, or something. And on the other ending Jake mentions his pen pal, is zapped to meet jade, they have some non-committal greetings and then a cosplay party where Jake insists that he totally likes Lara croft not because she's a femme fatale and he relates to that, because he's never ever in his life thought of anyone being interested on him. Or Something. He likes Lara croft for normal reasons only. He wears really tiny shorts and does sexy poses because he's not aware at all of how other people find him attractive. He's just too dumb to get this, or the shipping thing, or that he's tavros and Dirk is vriska (who the hell are these people?).

Jake feels like an afterthought in the grand scope of events. Sidelined on his own episode. This volume is busy with rehashing age old fandom arguments that have little to do with his character, because said arguments were started and maintained by bored teens engrossed on fighting online instead of analyzing Homestuck; we introduce vriska for no interesting reason at all (thank god at least Jake has enough decency to say he's not into hitting on 13-year-olds, because that would have been particularly rancid.) And aside from catchphrases and old slang sprinkled liberally into his dialogue like a fog making machine, none of the motivation for the character is there. What does he want? What does he fear? Why does he act like the way he does? What would accommodating him look like? What would helping him look like? We get this on Jane's volume, Roxy's volume, and Dirk's volume. To really heart-wrenching and dramatic results, too. You get to know who they are, where they live, what they want, what they fear, what might help them get better, but Jake is just sort of There. He's a burden. MSPAR either ends this volume berating him for not doing what they want or finding him weird and confusing and like they don't know each other at all, and the fact both of those were marked as dubiously bad ends in the game files speaks for itself, I think.

#jake english #pesterquest #vriska serket #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #meta

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summercourtship · 3 years ago

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i absolutely love your amanda writings! the lack of amanda fics anywhere makes me so sad. if possible could i request something mega angsty with her 🧍🏻‍♀️ i love angst but i know not a lot of people do so totally okay if you don't want to take this one! (if you take on this request it does not have to be dbd related)

Thank you!!! She def deserves more fic- I love her so much and think she’s such an interesting character to explore.

Quick question for all y’all: do you think it’s more interesting when Amanda’s s/o is also a Jigsaw apprentice or when they don’t know about Amanda’s involvement in the murders? I can’t decide which intrigues me more!

also taking this moment to plug my amanda playlist again

last night.

Amanda Young x Reader | warnings: character death | word count: 1077

“Hey, can we talk?”

Amanda slammed the drawer she’d been rummaging in, tossing the first-aid supplies on the counter. She hadn’t heard you, opening another drawer and starting to shift through its contents.

You’d only realized that she was in your apartment when you’d heard your front door slam shut. Though at first you had thought it was someone coming to kill or kidnap you, but when you’d crept into the living space, the kitchen light was on and Amanda was standing in front of your junk drawers, clearly out of it.

“Amanda!” You say, louder than you’d have liked for this time of night. But it got her to finally look up at you, her eyes wide and frantic. It took her a moment to recognize you, bringing her mind back to the present moment and away from whatever she had been preoccupied with.

You take a moment to really look at her, how different she was from the last time you saw her. Something had clearly happened, and you feared the worst. Amanda was no stranger to relapse, but every time you thought about her falling back into her dangerous habits your heart broke. Seeing her frantically searching for something in your kitchen when you’d been presumed asleep didn’t help your suspicion.

You didn’t know which was worse: her trying to find valuables to pawn for drugs or something to numb the pain and distract her from her cravings. Neither of which were going to be in your kitchen drawers, most of them filled with random wires, take-out menus, and batteries.

“I’m worried about you. I rarely see you anymore, and you seem... really unlike yourself.” You move towards her, and you notice just how tired she looks. Her hair is messily tied back into a ponytail, strands hanging out and sticking to her face with oil and sweat. The bags under her eyes are prominent, her eyes hazy and somewhere else. In short, she looks like she’s been having the roughest day possible.

“I’m fine.” Even her voice is tired, flat and grating on her vocal chords.

“You clearly aren’t.” You place a hand on her arm, relieved when she doesn’t throw it off. “You can talk to me, you know. I’m always here for you.”

For a moment, she relaxes at your touch, before she catches sight of the supplies she’d thrown on the counter. It seems to set her off again, and she yanks her arm back before throwing open the next drawer.

“Do you have any anesthesia?” She doesn’t even look up at you as she asks, as if it was the most common question in the world to be asked at 1:00 AM in your dinky kitchen.

“What?” That was not what you were expecting.

“I said, do you have any anesthesia?” She looks up at you now, her jaw clenched. But she’s on the verge of tears, something that she’s obviously trying to hide. But things like that don’t escape your notice, not when it comes to Amanda.

“No, of course not. Amanda, what the hell is going on?”

“If you’re not going to help me, then shut the fuck up and go away.”

All you can think is that you need to diffuse the situation, and try to keep her with you and not out in the world doing who-knows-what.

“Okay, but you’re in my apartment. I don’t just have medical supplies hidden away in my kitchen.”

“God! Are you always this annoying?”

Ouch.

“I just wanted to help.” You say, stung by her harsh words.

“Well, you’re doing a shit job of it.” The slam of the drawer makes you jump, unnaturally loud in the quiet night. But you barely even hear it, her words echoing in your mind. She snatches the few supplies she had been able to find- mainly gauze- and sweeps out of the room and apartment without even a second glance back at you, leaving you confused and hurt. But more than that, you were scared for her and worried about whatever she had gotten herself into.

___

You stared at the tiny cubby that had been Amanda’s bed. The place smelled awful, and it broke your heart to think of her spending her time here when she could have been with you.

The investigators had taken everything that was of any legal worth, leaving behind what they deemed to be useless. But you saw its real worth- drawings and notes, her blankets and clothes. It was all her, the only sign that she had been a living human being.

You’ve replayed your last conversation countless times since it happened, wondering if there was something-anything- you could’ve said to get her to stay. But you knew that her devotion to you was second to her devotion to John- to Jigsaw.

It hurts even more when you think about what he did to her, and how she had somehow convinced herself that it was good and right. You’d never have the opportunity to tell her that she didn’t need a near death experience to learn to appreciate life, what she had needed was rehab and someone who cared about her. Someone who actually cared about her, as she was. Who wanted to help her without giving her more trauma on top of what she had already been through.

Shuffling around the gutted space, ignoring the suspicious stains on the floor and the amount of tools left behind, the razor wires and gears and shards of glass, you think once more on the conversation in your kitchen. If you had known that that would be the last time you spoke to her, that that was her last day on Earth, would you have tried harder to get her to stay? You haven’t forgotten her venomous words or the look in her eyes when she left your apartment, but your newfound understanding of her life brought clarity to the day.

You’d be questioned, more so than you already had been. The Jigsaw murders had shaken your city, and the idea that a survivor of Jigsaw became his closest accomplice would only further rattle it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care about that, or the fact that you might somehow be implicated due to your association with Amanda.

All you could bring yourself to do was grab one of her blankets and some of the papers off her wall and head home, your mind silent.

#amanda young x reader #amanda young #saw #saw fanfic #request #ask #anon #oneshot #my writing #slasher x reader #horror x reader #saw x reader #in this house we hate john kramer

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ladymisteria · 1 year ago

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@kittenfangirl20 Exactly what I think too! As a "blinker-free" (pardon the term) fan of the Erik/Christine paring, I fully realize that Erik is the kind of individual who skates merrily across a lake of red flags - but at the same time we are presented with a wealth of strong motivations that, at the very least, attempt to say to the reader: "Yes, he is dangerous and damaged, but something, at base, strongly contributed to making him that way." Does it justify the shit he's done? Of course not! But it gives you a way to understand that it's probably the only way he knew how to relate to other people.

These motivations are completely lacking in Raoul. He is rich, he has a solid family behind him that supports him (his sisters and brother), he has known only the positive aspects of life (Poverty? Degradation? Having to actually sweat to earn a living? What are these unfamiliar and absurd concepts?) and he is also presented to us as aesthetically attractive. His being a total jealous and possessive asshole, therefore, has no reason to exist.

It's clear that Erik doesn't represent a completely healthy choice either (psychologists and psychiatrists would have a field day, with him! 😂), but at least he showed that he understood the bullshit he did and - in his twisted way - he "apologized" to Christine, accepting her decision to leave with Raoul without tormenting her anymore - an "act of renunciation" that the Viscount, throughout the novel, proves that he is unable (and unwilling) to perform at all.

Also, honestly, I don't remember ever reading about Raoul apologizing for the bestial way he treated Christine the whole time, not even at the end of everything. This (more than other things) has always led me to accept without too much effort (in fanfiction or even in the ALW sequel) the idea of a drunken or violent Raoul and a "healthier" Erik.

In fact, I don't struggle to believe that with a little work (okay, a lot 😂) Erik can overcome (or at least greatly improve) his flaws until he becomes an acceptable (if not even decent) human being.

But Raoul… In the novel all his "unmotivated unhealthiness" (hatred, possessiveness and jealousy) is based exclusively on mostly unfounded suspicions (a half-conversation - without context - overheard from behind a door, a name made using a certain tone by Christine…) - and he doesn't apologize even when he discovers the truth. It just goes from: "Christine is a whore" to: "I have to free Christine from the man she's attached to in some way, though I don't know which one because I've never listened to her".

Is there really anyone who believes that it would never happen again, once they get married? Given his temper, isn't it more likely that he would view a casual conversation between a man and Christine as yet another proof of a betrayal from her, perhaps by getting drunk or even taking his anger out on her (and we know he's violent too, 'cause - as you rightly pointed up - he threatened of kill a person without even knowing her, and was further capable of shooting, without a second thought, at something/someone he believed was Erik)?

Do we really want to believe that he would be able (as Erik did) to accept Christine's hypothetical decision to leave him - without again thinking that she is incapable of making her own choices?

And the worst thing, in my opinion, is that it is clearly shown (by the way he treats her) that for Raoul Christine she is easily "replaceable".

Terrible to say, but if he really had lost Christine, in the end nothing would have changed for him: in all probability, indeed, he would have found "a replacement" (even if a woman interested only in the comforts he can offer) in the circle of a month. Erik doesn't.

Christine may have been important (personally I don't think so, but still…) to Raoul, but she was the world to Erik.

Yesterday, wandering around here on Tumblr, I found another post about how Eristine fans (like me) prove to have absolutely no understanding of Gaston Leroux's original work.

Because we do not see how wonderfully perfect - and more importantly how absolutely healthy as a choice, for Christine - is Raoul de Chagny.

The post then concluded with a clear victorious note establishing how - given the canonicity of Raoul/Christine - this paring was obviously right.

Well, if you will allow me, I would like to respond to that post - by saying that yes, it is quite true.

In fact, everyone knows that:

sneaking - uninvited! - into a person’s dressing room and expecting everyone to leave to be left alone with an unconscious young woman is healthy;

waiting, once - rightly so! - being dismissed from the dressing room by said young woman, in a dark recess, for her to be alone in order to “get back at it” with an unsolicited courtship is healthy;

getting jealous when you hear her talking to a man, to the point - literally! - to becoming enraged and beginning to regard her as a prostitute is healthy;

entering her dressing room in her absence to see who she was daring (!) to talk to is healthy;

following her when she leaves Paris, raging when she apparently rejects your affections and - again! - practically calling her a prostitute when she tries to explain about the Angel of Music is healthy;

escaping through a window so that the innkeeper doesn't see you stalking the young woman in the middle of the night - again without her knowledge - to find out if it is true that she is going to pay her respects at her father’s grave, or if it is just an excuse to meet another man, is healthy;

questioning anyone who knows anything about her and her private life - even though she has clearly expressed her intention to break off your relationship (of friendship, let’s clarify! There is no engagement, secret or otherwise) - and even going so far as to show up at her home - again, uninvited! - to “put the screws” on his elderly and ailing foster mother, suggesting to her that the said young woman is (guess what? Bravo!) almost a prostitute just because she has not yet fallen at your feet, smitten in love with a spoiled child, is healthy;

“ambushing” the carriage in which the young woman travels, so that you can confront face to face the man with whom she dared to cheat on you (?!?), ending up for the umpteenth time considering her a prostitute “who led you on” (again, what?!?) is healthy;

considering her a saint or a whore depending on the time of day is healthy;

offending and humiliating her (accusing her, as is now ritual, of being the worst of whores) when she tries to explain to you, at the masquerade ball, what has happened to her and is still happening to her is healthy;

slipping - once again! - uninvited into her dressing room, spying on her as she writes a private letter, and even managing to rage when she seems to show pity for someone who is not you is healthy;

showing up - uninvited of course - at the young woman’s home, accusing her of not being herself, of being naive and a person completely incapable of judging the people around her, trying to get her to promise that she will never go out without you again, even managing to become enraged when she refuses to reveal the name of the “man who had the audacity to put a gold ring on her finger,” and her response to the proposal that certainly came with the ring is healthy;

taking seriously a fake engagement (which has very little secret about it, since the “third wheel in the triangle” himself urges the young woman to engage in it), and firmly claiming to turn it into a marriage - despite the fact that over and over and over again the young woman has told you that she has no intention of marrying you, and that yours is a game - is healthy…

Just tell me: should I continue? Because I don’t know how you feel about it, but it never seemed to me that Raoul was so much “the best choice” at the end of the day…

(To be clear: Erik has not a few problems and flaws, but at least he was honest and never claimed to be a "healthy choice'... and no honest Eristine fan would ever say that).

As for the "canonical = perfect" argument... I would like to remind you that Hades/Persephone is also canonical, yet everything is but a happy couple riding off into the sunset, so...

(P.S. I can no longer find the original post, so I would like to apologize to @textsfromthefifthbasement for using her screenshot).

(P.S. part 2: Thanks to @brendadaaedestler for pointing out how I needed to... "express out loud" this analysis of mine of the real 'healthiness' of Raoul de Chagny's character.)

#Erik #erik x christine #raoul de changy #raoul x christine #eristine #raoulstine #christine daae #anti raoul de chagny #anti raoulstine #Poto #phantom of the opera #gaston leroux #Both are toxic #but one more than the other #le fantome de l'opera #love never dies

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 300: Days of Our Todorokis

Previously on BnHA: Hawks was all “hey Jeanist, wanna go on a road trip with me to my mom’s house?” Jeanist was all “you know it,” and so they hopped into Jeanist’s jercedes and took off. Hawks took a nap and had a flashback to his Dickensian childhood living in a abject poverty with his jerk mom and jerk dad, thinking heroes were make-believe until one day Endeavor arrested his dad and Baby Hawks was all “OH SHIT.” And then he saved a bunch of people, and the HPSC was all “what do we have here,” and blah blah blah, you know the rest. Back in the present, Hawks was all “well my life is currently in shambles, but on the plus side there’s no one bossing me around anymore so that’s pretty cool,” and then decided he was going to talk to Endeavor. Fandom was all “I can’t believe Hawks would side with his childhood hero over the man who burned his wings off and posted a video calling him a violent murderer who took after his abusive dad,” so that was fun and stuff. I can’t wait to see what piping fresh takes this new chapter will bring.

Today on BnHA: Our old friend Carbonation Carl tries to loot a Starbucks and gets his ass kicked by a senior citizen. Society is all “YEAH, WE’RE REALLY STARTING TO GET SICK OF THIS SHIT.” Old Man Samurai is all “this room won’t stop me because I can’t read it” and abruptly decides to retire, which, fun fact, is literally THE LEAST HELPFUL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE. Anyway so then a bunch of other punkasses follow suit, and while I won’t say that I’m actually starting to root for Stain to kill some peeps, just for the record I’m not not saying that either. Back in the hospital, Endeavor cries some tears because his life sucks, and then is confronted by his entire family, LED BY QUEEN REI, FIRST OF HER NAME, BACK IN BUSINESS AND LARGE AND IN CHARGE. Rei is all “fuck feeling sorry for yourself, we have a rogue Murder Son on the loose” and I swear to god I have never felt so alive.

so here we go! and just for the record, even though the last two chapters have been phenomenal, I don’t necessarily have any sky-high expectations for chapter 300, mostly because chapters 100 and 200 consisted of Mei Boobs, and Toadette and her horrific quirk lmao. so go ahead Horikoshi, what are you gonna pull out of your hat for this one

oh, back to this stuff again. sob

I guess there was only so much time we could spend having hospital antics and exploring Hawks’s past before we got back to dealing with the whole “the world has gone to absolute shit” issue huh, lol

omg

what’s with these bizarrely cute Noumus. why do I want to pet them

so the narrative text is going on about how people have been super paranoid about the Noumu ever since the USJ incident a year ago. so yeah, I guess the fact that there are now a bunch of them confirmed to be running around is really freaking people out even on top of everything else

wtf is happening here

what did this poor lil glass ever do to anyone. r.i.p.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SODA SAM IS BACK ON THE LAM

tsk tsk tsk. my man has graduated from snatching purses to raiding cafes. going after that big money. this man has no business sense whatsoever lmao

OH BUT WATCH IT NOW!!

OH SNAP THE PEOPLE ARE FIGHTING BACK. WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW SAM

THIS MAN IS 172 YEARS OLD AND HE’S NOT HERE TO PLAY GAMES!!

WTF IS HE LIGHTING THIS THING ON FIRE OR SOME SHIT. GETTEM GRANDPA YEAHHHH HE’S CHARGING AT EM YEAHHHHHH

lmao so that was fun. and now we’re cutting to Wash!! omg. look at him

he’s so dedicated. too bad you don’t have a car like Best Jeanist. probably takes a while when you’re just running everywhere

you see?? you were too slow!!

NOOOO, GRANDPA. he defeated Pepsi Pete, but lost his life in the process. this is too tragic

anyway so the good news is that the cafe has been saved! but the bad news is, there really isn’t much of a cafe left. huh. I guess that’s one of the reasons why people are supposed to get a license to use their quirks like this

oh snap and now everyone is coming outside, and they’re none too happy to see poor old Wash over here

seriously Wash, get a bicycle or something. also the way this guy is gesturing so dramatically with his hand in this sort of “YOU SEE!! YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS!!” manner is sending me

OH MY GOD

HE SPEAKS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. IT MEANS JEANS PUNS ARE YESTERDAY’S NEWS, FOLKS!! MAKE WAY FOR THE LAUNDRY PUNS. CAN’T WAIT TO WATCH THIS ALL... UNFOLD

“the heroes had dwindled away” okay real talk you guys, it is literally only a matter of time before they press-gang the children into picking up their slack. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but it is happening one way or the other regardless. Child Soldiers 2 Electric Boogaloo. wonder if we’ll see a rise in vigilante action as well

OHO WHAT’S THIS? THIS IS A CHAPTER OF GRANDPAS HUH

-- no fucking way

WOW. WOW. WOWWWWWW

wow. so he didn’t do a fucking thing while the rest of the top ten were being turned into red mist in the previous arc, and now that it’s all over and they need his help more than ever, he decides... THAT IT’S TIME TO RETIRE. holy shit. “fuck you” doesn’t even begin to cover it my guy. you stand there and soak up those boos you coward

ohhhhhhh shiiiiit you guys. oh shit

the “I am not here” breaks my fucking heart for real though y’all. oh man. everything he worked for is gone just like that

(ETA: okay so a couple of the takes I’ve seen on this make it seem like All Might is somehow the bad guy here?? “this is what happens when society puts a bunch of glorified cops on a pedestal”, “finally the cracks in hero society are showing”, etc. etc. so, just a friendly reminder that this isn’t happening because of too much trust and a lack of critical thinking; this is happening because the villains killed all the heroes and broke a bunch of murderers out of jail. it’s happening because an organized league of terrorists succeeded in terrorizing, and so society is now understandably awash in fear and panic. like, it’s just wild to me that AFO is RIGHT FUCKING THERE, and yet week after week fandom still has their “IT’S ALL THE HEROES’ FAULT” signs still up on their lawns. BUT WHATEVER, MOVING ON.)

also though, so exactly how much time is passing here now? I wanted to go straight back to the hospital and see what happens with Deku and the Todorokis. please don’t tell me we’re jumping ahead sob. my aaaaangst

OH SHIT

STAIN. LISTEN UP BUDDY. I KNOW WE’VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES, AND I STILL DESPISE YOU FOR CRIPPLING TENSEI AND TRYING TO KILL MY BEST BOY TENYA. BUT AS IT HAPPENS, THERE ARE ONE OR TWO OTHER HEROES OUT THERE NOW WHO I WOULDN’T MIND YOU PAYING A VISIT I’M JUST SAYING

LOL BUT IT ACTUALLY ISN’T THIS MAN, FFFFFF

sob. yeah I was talking about Old Man Samurai actually but YEAH. HEY THERE ENJI

also is this entire hospital actually run by characters from Super Mario Bros though. first Yoshi and now this guy, come the fuck on that is not a coincidence

lmao they stuck him in another one of these cavernous creepy hospital rooms

wtf is it with Horikoshi and these giant fucking rooms lately. Kacchan’s in chapter 298, then Tomie’s colossal house furnished with like one table and a TV, and now this. and the weirdest thing about it though is that “huge space with nothing to fill it up” is like the exact opposite of what you’ll usually find in Japanese homes lol

so now Enji is just sitting there thinking things like “my head is fuzzy” and “I’m alive” lmao okay. not quite all there yet, huh. I’ll give you a minute

I’m so fucking curious as to who his first visitor is going to be omg. either way it’s going to be interesting af, and either way fandom is probably going to feel some way about it but OH WELL

okay now his thoughts are getting more coherent! and he’s remembering Touya, and feeling regret for freezing up and forcing Shouto to deal with everything instead

!!! OH HERE GOES BRACE YOURSELVES Y’ALL IT’S ABOUT TO GET SPICY

NO TOUYA PLEASE DON’T CRY HONEY NO PLEASE

ohhhhhhh man

okay, I mean I didn’t expect you to, but so instead then you’re just going to do... what? lie there and wallow in regret and self-pity for the rest of your life? son you know that’s not how we deal with our problems here in Shounen

though also, I totally do get it though. honestly, thinking on it, I probably would have been disappointed with any other response. but so this is where the rest of his family (including his adopted son) come into play now though, because like it or not they’re all in this thing together. and so friends, I am once again asking you WHO IS GOING TO BE THE ONE TO VISIT ENJI FIRST

AHHHHHHH

KRANCH!!!! OMG AND THE OTHERS ARE SO TINY NEXT TO HIM THAT I ALMOST DIDN’T SEE THEM AT FIRST. IT’S BECAUSE THEY’RE TWENTY MILES AWAY ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS REGULATION HOCKEY RINK OF A ROOM

holy shit I’m so excited lkjlklhlglkasdsjldfk

SDKFJLSKHLKJL

the way she has him by his collar lmaoooo. “lol nah you’re not going anywhere pal.” damn straight, siblings have to be ride or die in situations like this. banding together for survival. strength in numbers

OH MY STARS I’M JUST WARNING YOU NOW THAT I’M ABOUT TO DISSECT EVERY LAST REMAINING PANEL OF THIS CHAPTER PROBABLY YOU GUYS. WE COULD BE HERE A WHILE

love how Fuyu has absolutely no idea how to segue into THE SINGLE MOST AWKWARD CONVERSATION SHE’S EVER HAD, so she just GOES FOR IT in pure small talk mode like they’re meeting up for brunch somewhere

I KNOW IT’S A SMALL THING, BUT I APPRECIATE THAT THE FIRST THING ENJI ASKS IS WHETHER THEY’RE OKAY

lastly while I can’t wait for more of this delicious Natsu angst, I also just have to say that Enji has as much reason to cry right now as anyone on the planet. you can’t deny that being confronted by your not-dead-but-you-thought-he-was-dead son who’s all “SURPRISE DAD I GREW UP TO BE A MASS MURDERER AND I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING IS ALL YOUR FAULT AND NOW I’M GONNA MAIM YOUR OTHER KID” with a side order of “EVERYONE HATES YOU AND SOCIETY IS CRUMBLING AND NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD EVER AGAIN” is enough to bum pretty much anyone out. there’s a Pagliacci the Clown joke here somewhere. BUT DOCTOR, I AM THE NUMBER ONE HERO

oh man lol he is seriously falling apart

damn. like you guys, I’m sorry, go ahead and cancel me, but I do feel compassion for the man. it’s therapeutic for me to see an abuser actually feel remorse and be truly sorry and want to change and want to make it up to his family. and it’s also compelling as fuck to read a narrative about a family that’s trying to grapple with that, because let me tell you straight up, as someone who’s done a version of that song and dance -- it is exhausting. it is a piping hot mess. it’s a gigantic mishmosh of extremely volatile emotions that all somehow all contradict one another. love, hurt, hope, anger, betrayal, resentment, attachment, longing. it’s something you can both be desperate for and also want nothing at all to do with. and attempting to portray all of that and write about it is a monumental task, and one which Horikoshi has done so, so delicately thus far, and damn but I appreciate it. anyway, so I’m here and I’m ready for my latest helping of Todoroki Fam Feels you guys

GASP

oh man. OHMANOHMANOHMAN. CAN IT REALLY BE. IS THIS THE REDEMPTION ARC OF CHAPTERS 100 AND 200???

LMAO SHE’S ALL “WE ALL FEEL BAD YOU JACKASS STOP CRYING ABOUT IT”

LAY INTO HIM REI!! SORRY ENJI YOUR PITY PARTY HAS BEEN CANCELLED IN FAVOR OF A “SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT” PARTY COURTESY OF QUEEN ELSA OVER HERE. THE PEOPLE TOOK A VOTE AND WE WANT LESS WHINING AND MORE ACTION

oh my god look at this lady folks

NOTE THE HAIR BLOWING IN THE NONEXISTENT WIND. NOW WE KNOW WHERE SHOUTO GOT THIS POWER FROM

(ETA: btw guys, seeing Rei handle this crisis like an absolute champ despite everything she’s been through is everything, though. I’m reminded of Hawks’s line last week about people sometimes unexpectedly finding liberation when they’re backed into a corner. like things may be shit but goddammit her kiddos need her.)

THE CHAPTER IS ALREADY ENDING SOB, IT’S ONLY A 17-PAGER THIS WEEK, BUT GODDAMN WHAT A WAY TO CLOSE

oh my god. oh my god oh my god. AND FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI FOR CUTTING IT OFF THERE sob. it’s like each week the wait for the next chapter becomes more painful. the Todofam is about to get real, and on top of that Hawks is gonna crash the party at some point down the line, and on top of that we’re still waiting for Kacchan to have his own heartfelt discussion about What The Fuck Are We Supposed To Do Next with his best friend who’s currently in a coma. all I want to do with my life is read about these three things, and all I can do is simply wait as they are portioned out in agonizing, addicting little installments every week

anyway! tune in next time as we answer the question of whether or not fandom will finally run its train of logic all the way through to its natural conclusion and somehow manage to cancel Noted Abuse Apologist Todoroki Fucking Rei. don’t act like it can’t happen. you all know nothing is sacred lol. anyways but I’m ready for anything lol, bring it

#bnha 300 #endeavor #todoroki enji #todoroki shouto #todoroki rei #all them todorokis #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #I can't believe I've done 300 of these now lol #think I'm gonna finally have to update the post index again

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jjkpls · 4 years ago

Text

the wishlist (m) - 4

“What does it mean if a guy talks about your nipples?”

> genre : smut, fluff

> pairing : jeon jungkook x reader (f)

> total words : 4.7k

> content/warnings : back at it again w/ the bff2l; one sided love, lot of pining; sextoys talk; explicit language; ambiguous infidelity ; awkwardness

previous - next

The issue is that Jungkook -and you're not a bitch for thinking that- is a little bit of an idiot.

He can be very smart. He can be wise and present unsuspecting resources and knowledge. He can teach you things you don't know anything about, figure out others you struggle to -but not during stressful times like for say an escape game because during those, he turns absolutely, utterly useless.

But he is an idiot too. An idiot that sometimes shapes situations and conclusions and ideas in a very peculiar way that is very singular to him.

That’s precisely what happens then. He plays his role right, to its full extent, with great dedication and commitment. Except he missed a memo, misread the script and ends up playing a role that's not the one you planned for him. He believes that he’s your new adult toy provider (as if there is such a thing).

When you think he’s coming over to share a meal or play some game or binge-watch a series you promised to wait for him to experience together, he has a box hidden in his pocket or carried under his arm.

He has the decency to not comment on it the first time around. He just set it down on the coffee table, between the bowl of chips and the one filled with guacamole. You see the logo on top of it. You recognize the design, reffined, minimalist with the pretty pastel matte colour.

He probably identifies the shame and the annoyance on your face, painting your cheeks and reshaping your eyebrows, and doesn’t say anything. Simply smiles to himself and starts talking about the series’ new episode that’s about to start.

It takes a lot of efforts, coming from you, to ignore the conspicuous object sitting just in front and in between you. But eventually, probably because more than a decade of friendship with this guy have grown impressive mind muscles on you, you manage to make abstraction of it.

It just stops existing for a while until he leaves and you’re curious to see what’s inside. And again you have the same old intentions as before. The same ones.

You won’t use it.

It’s curiosity. And it's fine for you to be curious because he’s the one buying it and gifting it to you. Why should you be blamed?

Freshly hopped in bed, just done reading the notice hanging over your face, you’re yawning and sending your eyebrows high in interest. Again you won’t use it but it sounds very interesting. That’s when you get a text from him.

Guk

So about the toy!

As if you were waiting for his explanation. As if the conversation got cut short and you were expecting him to pick it back up whenever possible.

You won’t entertain him.

You

I said not to buy me this.

Guk

You never said that! You said something about me being crazy but never about buying one again

Because you're mostly made of petty bitch material, you scroll higher quickly, wishing to find something, any text that would corroborate what you’re saying.

You don’t find anything though. Because you never actually told him to not buy you other toys by text, and now that you come to think of it, you probably never did out loud either because you didn’t fucking know that he would even consider doing so.

It’s not even Christmas anymore. It’s not your birthday. There’s even less of a valid reason for him to get you this therefore, of course, you did not explicitly warn him not to, you didn’t think it would be necessary.

You

It’s not even my fucking bday why???

Guk

I told you the lady at the shop

But who the hell is that lady?

Guk

She talked about a lot of products and they all seemed cool and because you liked the other one I thought I’d get you this one too

You

Jungkook

This simple response says a lot, you hope he can read between the pixels of his screen the desperation, the irritation, the frustration, the silent insults.

Guk

Listen it’s super cool it's supposed to mimic the touch of a finger

Jungkook then proceeds to explain to you how it works. The original idea being a system with a tiny ball rolling under a silicon skin, to place on your clitoris to have the illusion of a finger's touch. And it’s interesting and innovative surely and sounds intriguing as in, you wonder if it’s accurate, but you’re tired and it seems like you’re wading in some sort of swamp you can’t escape from. There’s a fire burning your skin from your cheeks to your chest. You’re both hating this conversation and unwilling to just draw a final period to it. This asshole.

You

I can read

Guk

So you opened it already??

There’s a bunch of excited emojis that follows his last message and fill up the empty space your lack of response leaves.

Why and how can he be so eager?

Here comes the delusional part of your brain. It’s a very wide, very deep hallway covered in bookshelves filled to the brim with stupid interpretations and beliefs and sometimes even memories you’ve shared with him. Often next to the laters are pinned an article from a teenage magazine or the jacket of a romance movie, specifically there to validate that yes, indeed, it must have meant something.

The door of that corridor just creaked opened. You can discern the sound, you can feel the particular atmosphere without even having to take a step through.

Is it really that normal to be so excited about that? For him? As a friend?

It’s the most frustrating part: you are friends. Friends who supposedly can tell each other everything. Friends who can ask each other anything.

You should be able to talk about it. Just ask him. If there’s anything behind this whole mess, if he means to tell you something, if it’s wholly mindless, if there’s no hidden agenda.

It should be fine. There’s only trust and affection in this friendship.

You are still too scared, you are terrified that he’d start linking dots, ask himself some new questions, potentially answer them himself, and have you all found out.

You'd have your barely well-worn cover thrown completely away.

You send the blank emoji. The one with even the eyes closed. It summarizes your actual state pretty well, speechless, relatively annoyed.

Guk

She said you could try it on other parts of your body too

Guk

At first

Guk

Like on your lips or your nipples

You want to die.

Now.

No, better, you wish to have never been born.

Why is he talking about your nipples? Why?

And through all that, you still feel like something is wrong with you, along with your feelings.

Turns out you are so overwhelmed by his clueless inadequacy, you need a good half an hour and a random shot of tequila to get through it. When it’s gone and exhaustion of a long day and alcohol have knocked nervousness and panic out, you fall asleep, forgetting about answering his outrageous last texts.

“What does it mean if a guy talks about your nipples?”

Min's finger stops midair, above the cash register she's been working on. She needs a good minute to get back to her senses and while you wait, anxiety invades you. Maybe you should never have brought it up.

But this question, the torturous thing is slowly killing you.

Min finally turns her head to you, eyes squinted and eyebrows drawn low. She sucks in her pretty red lips before opening them to start formulating, with it seems a certain struggle, an answer.

“I don’t think I quite understand.”

It’s a pretty straightforward, relatively easy question. That’s what you'd want to say but you’ve reached the state of bashful regret and decide not to press it. Some things are better just left alone.

“Who talked about your nipples?” She ends up asking the one thing you wished she wouldn’t because there is no way you’re giving his name.

“Doesn’t matter.” You mumble, turning around slightly, getting back to the task you were here, paid, to do -wipe the shelves clean and not talk about your “““love””” life.

“I think it does. You wanna know if it means something? Like the guy's into you?”

“Something like that.” Your cheeks are aflame now. No doubt about it. You silently curse at your manager who refuses that you don’t wear the ugly hat that holds your hair back because having a curtain of hair to hold behind, as a help to keep some of your remained, sparse dignity would have been peachy.

“What did he say exactly?”

Silence. You’re not elaborating. She sighs, defeated.

“Well, I suppose... he’s considered the fact that you have boobs. If it’s a straight guy, that’s a good sign, I guess?” She shrugs.

You don’t like the answer. It’s exactly what the wrong, defective part of your brain, the one directly wired to your heart, wanted to hear.

She doesn’t even have the context, anyway. It doesn’t mean much, doesn’t hold much power in your court of sensibility.

She stares at the side of your face, clearly attempting to drill holes in your head to try and find some answers. You’re awfully silent, have said too much yet not enough and she’s dying to know the whole story. You won’t give in and she can tell. There’s no way you’re sharing the whole thing. The most, probably, probative point of the whole story: the sex toys. It’d turn her into a devastating tsunami of nonsense and misinterpretation and drown you in its wake and you can’t, when you’re already struggling to stay afloat, allow that.

Tag list: @fangirls94 @realswimshaddy @safi4x @pnkd @somewhereinthestarss @kpopfandomftw @kai-kai-bookshelf @pasteljoonie @ggukkieland

A/N: Don’t forget to click on the next button on top, two parts are being posted simultaneously :)

#btswriterscollective #networkbangtan #ggukienet #bts smut #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #my writing

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got-svt · 4 years ago

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all the boys you’ve loved and lost during the course of our lives, we meet thousands of people, creating either a seconds long moment or memories that last a lifetime. some of them you’ll have the opportunity to know beyond their names and faces, some you may even grow to love. unfortunately, not all of them have the luxury of staying in your life forever.

❥• two: the academic rival

he’s the one that had you wondering how could you be so similar to someone, yet so different? he knew how to push your buttons and make a competition of everything, whether it was sports, academics or extracurriculars. he was the one that made steam come out of your ears and blood rush to your cheeks. but even you had to admit there was a certain rush that came with it, too bad he transferred schools just before senior year.

pairing: yoon jeonghan x reader genre: fluff, angst, enemies to reluctant friends to ??? word count: 2292

→ you genuinely thought the universe had it out for you when you were placed in the same year level as yoon jeonghan, more so when it placed you in the same class. you first caught sight of jeonghan in your first year of middle school. he was the boy seated three seats behind you. he seemed unassuming at first, somewhat quiet, and — dare you say it — nice and sweet, angelic almost. he only conversed with the other boys that sat near him, not sparing a glance to most. however, it wasn’t until a few years later, when you both started high school that you learned his true personality.

→ it was no secret that you studied hard, spending hours in the library, sacrificing nights of sleep. the results of your hard work showed very clearly in classes, on the nearly perfect marks on each of your exams and essays, how the teacher praised your answers during recitation. you relished in the gold stars, the awards, the quiet envy of your classmates.

→ you had never seen jeonghan open a single book, let alone actually read it. there was not a single time you saw him set foot inside a library. multiple times you’ve caught him answering homework minutes before the teacher walks in the room. which is why your blood boiled when you saw he was getting scores just as good as yours, finishing exams before anyone else in the classroom, his hand shooting up just as soon as yours when teachers call for someone to answer their question. eventually, you both gave up raising your hands altogether, competing to be the one to get an answer out first.

→ you wished he remained that quiet kid in middle school, who only stared at you with wide eyes when the teacher announced you had been the only one in your class to get a perfect score, who acknowledged your existence with a small nod instead of a smirk.

→ unbeknownst to you, your little rivalry was slightly one sided. you see, jeonghan didn’t care much about winning or losing. truly he didn’t mind much if you had gotten the higher score, or be the one to answer the teacher’s question first. but god, did he enjoy seeing the way your eyebrow furrowed when he did, how you bottom lip forms into a little pout, how you gripped your pen so hard he was afraid it would snap. he still remembered the first time it happened, the birth of your so called rivalry, when he corrected your answer to the class first day of freshman year. since then, you had always been determined to one-up him every chance you got. much to your dismay, he was not one to back down.

→ and unfortunately for you, academics was not the only place you and jeonghan seemed to compete in. while you were in the swimming team, he played on the soccer team. you even had a small notepad to keep tallies of whose team was winning more games.

“nervous, yn?” jeonghan asked, coming up to you as you were about to prepare for a race. if anyone else had heard him ask, they’d think he was concerned. but you knew this was only the beginning of him getting you riled up. jeonghan had never missed a single one of your swim meets, each time he comes over to you before the competition would even begin.

“not a chance.” you rolled your eyes, waving a hand to shoo him away to the stands. but he showed no signs of leaving, his feet firmly on the tiled floor of the rec center.

jeonghan raised an eyebrow at your show of unwavering confidence, but he knew in the way your voice slightly trembled that you were not as assured as you presented yourself to be. fortunately, he knew exactly what to do to rid you of your nerves. “we won our game today, so it must be exhausting for you, huh?”

“what is?”

he grinned, knowing the exact words to say to get your blood pumping just before a competition, “living in my shadow all the time.”

“if anything, you’re the one who’s living in mine.” you scoffed, more fired up than ever, determined to prove him wrong. suddenly, you couldn’t wait to get into the water, “i’m leaving now.”

“good luck, yn!” jeonghan called out with a smile, only to be met with a wave of your hand — you didn’t turn back for he would only see the blush that slowly formed on your cheeks. still it was more than enough for him as he looked for a seat in the stands with a soft smile. occasionally, he would send you a wink when his gaze met yours — though you only rolled your eyes at him when he did.

and despite the fact that you seemed to be annoyed at his presence during your competitions, jeonghan always cheered you on, his voice clear and resounding even as you swam underwater.

→ but rarely were the two of you ever actively pitted directly against one another. you were always in the same class, and on the same team during activities that teachers found it somewhat remarkable that both of you were still able to find a way to compete against each other. it was always who could be the one to lead their team to victory, who contributed more points, who their own teammates liked better.

→ it wasn’t until your phys ed teacher decided to make her two star pupils team captains in a friendly game of dodgeball that you were actually engaged in a direct, head-to-head competition.

“you totally cheated!” you yelled out as soon as the whistle was blown, signalling the end of the game. eyes ablaze with irritation and frustration, you pointed a single finger at jeonghan, recalling how you saw the ball lightly graze jeonghan’s leg but he made no attempt in leaving the court.

“i did not.” he held his hands up in mock defense, but a smile was on his face as he took in your angrily shaking figure. jeonghan wanted to burst out laughing, not even the least bit threatened or afraid as you stomped your way over to him. “my team just happened to be better than yours.”

you wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face, it didn’t matter how, you just desperately wanted to. your steps got longer and quicker at his words, cheeks flaming up both from being out of breath from playing and anger. your teammates swore they saw steam come out of your ears. “how dare you!”

your phys ed teacher stopped you just as you were about a couple of feet away from only lightly shoving jeonghan — you weren’t actually going to hurt him. grabbing you by your shoulders, she asked you to calm down and join your teammates in cleaning up the equipment, the agreed upon punishment for the game’s losers.

but jeonghan wasn’t done with you yet, staying behind as his teammates went straight to the showers, “hey, yn.”

“what do you want?” you asked with a frown, not in the mood to hear him flaunting his win so soon.

“maybe i did cheat.” he said, just loud enough for you to hear.

your eyes went wide, feeling somewhat proud that your suspicions were correct. but as you were about to open your mouth to retort, he leaned down so his face was level with and merely inches away from yours. you never fully noticed how good he looked, even though he was drenched in sweat, his hair sticking down his forehead. with a confident smile and a quiet whisper, “but i don’t think anyone’s going to believe you.”

“bye, yn!” he moved away and leaves the gym before you could even reply. but you weren’t even mad, more confused than anything else, remembering how close his face was to yours and how quickly your heart started beating because of it.

→ since the dodgeball incident that had you nearly injuring both yourself and jeonghan, most of your teachers decided that it would be best to keep you two on the same side as it would probably be the best way to keep you two from fighting. they also knew of the incredible potential you and jeonghan could hold if you actually worked together. you both were incredibly smart, talented, and resourceful. whatever you lacked, jeonghan made up for and vice versa.

→ which is probably why your english teacher decided to pair you up for your final project during your junior year of high school. both of you thought it was unfair, since everyone else got to choose their partners. the rest of your class thought it was unfair too, why did you pair up two of the smartest kids in their year? but they were also kind of interested to see what the both of you could come up with.

→ this is how you found yourself in the library, working with yoon jeonghan of all people. you would’ve much rather be paired up with the girl that sat next to you — she was quiet, but sweet. you’d rather even be paired up with your childhood friend, chan. but he was not in the same class and you hadn’t been speaking much lately. so you’d have to make do with jeonghan.

“i’m tired, i’m taking a nap.” jeonghan yawned, stretching his arms out to further prove his point.

“we’ve barely started.”

“and yet i’m already bored.” he sighed dramatically, making a show of hitting his head on the table with a quiet thud.

“what do you want me to do about it?” you didn’t bother looking up from your book, knowing that seeing his disinterested face would only put you in a bad mood.

his eyes light up at your question, thinking that you were actually asking him for a suggestion, “let’s go for a drive.”

“what? no—” was this boy serious? you had another class in thirty minutes, where would you even go?

jeonghan groaned, cutting off your words and your train of thought, “live a little, yn. not everything’s about being number one. you can miss one class.”

you told him that if he wanted you out of the library, he’d have to drag you out kicking and screaming. which is exactly what he did, much to the amusement of your fellow students and even the librarian. now, you find yourself sitting in the passenger seat of his car, aimlessly driving around town — you were sure you passed the same tree four times. still, you found the drive somewhat relaxing; especially since you two weren’t arguing.

but it was much too quiet for jeonghan’s liking. you were just staring out the window, arms crossed. he feared that he’d done something wrong. “hey, yn.”

“what?”

jeonghan chewed on his bottom lip, gripping the steering wheel tighter than he intended, “you don’t hate me, do you?”

you laughed at his nervousness. truth be told, you needed a bit of a break, so you couldn’t be too mad at him for taking you out of that stuffy library. you also knew he was asking for your opinion on him beyond this little trip. “on the contrary, i like that you keep me on my toes.”

jeonghan grinned, turning his gaze on you for the quickest of moments, “so you should be thanking me instead of grumbling in the passenger seat.”

you spent the rest of the afternoon talking, learning more about the other outside sports and academics. you were surprised at how much you had in common and he enjoyed the intense debates you had on your differences.

→ that was the car ride that changed your relationship from rivals to reluctant friends. though you were never really rivals to jeonghan to begin with. arguments became few and far in between. your cheeks tinting pink less out of frustration and more out of being flustered as he became as flirty as he was teasing.

→ unfortunately, he would be transferring schools the following year, just as you started to see him as more than a rival or a friend.

→ and you didn’t find out about it until the first day of your senior year.

“wait, where’s jeonghan?” you asked your friend, noticing the lack of his usual teasing voice greeting you in the morning.

“didn’t he tell you?”

“tell me what?”

“he transferred schools yn.”

❥• jeonghan knew he’d be transferring schools months before he even took you on that drive. he also knew he had grown feelings for you much before that. but with his father’s job needing them to relocate halfway across the country, he couldn’t find it in himself to confess. not when he knew he eventually would have to leave you. so when you bombarded his phone with texts, demanding that he explain why he couldn’t notify you of his move, all he could offer was an apology and another text telling you to check the last page of your english notebook.

you huffed as you looked down at your phone, that was all he had to say to you? after acting like he wasn’t just about to pack his bags and leave town for months on end.

still, you shook your head as you went to your closet, picking up the box where you kept your past notebooks. you shuffled past your science, math, art notebooks to find the one you used for english — still as neat and organized as you remember it to be. you flipped the notebook to its final page.

a quiet gasp escapes your lips as you read the words that were unmistakably in jeonghan’s handwriting,

don’t forget to live a little :) and don’t forget about me either.

seventeen as all the boys you’ve loved and lost. next ➤ vernon chwe, the first love

taglist: @t-secretpot @serenadesvt @chuu-soulmate

ask/message to be part of the taglist <33

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forwantofamohawk · 3 years ago

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Selfishness, Selflessness and Reciprocity

Or: An essay on why I think that Coderra has more potential as a relationship than people give it credit for.

As a foreword, I would like to say that this applies equally to romantic and platonic Coderra. Many of the building blocks for a romance are the same as those for a lifelong friendship. All I want, at the end of the day, is for Sierra to be happy.

Now you could alternatively call this essay “Cody’s tendencies in relationships and how that changes in Planes Trains and Hot Airmobiles” because the first item of focus here is his relationship with Gwen, and how and why it fundamentally doesn’t work. While Gwody is generally not well-liked as a relationship due to his creepy, entitled and stereotypical “nice guy” behavior, those aren’t the reasons why it doesn’t work. They’re effluences of the real core problem with his Cody’s behavior and that mentality, and I’m going to call it out right out of the gate: Cody is selfish.

For him, it’s never about what Gwen wants or who Gwen is as a person that matters. She is an object to be attained, an ideal girlfriend that will make him cool by being with him. His first notable interaction with her is making a pass at her during the talent show- he more or less thinks he can “get” her with a bit of flirting, without putting in the legwork of actually getting to know her. Compare this with Trent’s first major interaction with Gwen in The Big Sleep as a counterpoint. Watching this scene, what strikes me the most about how Trent conducts himself here is that there is no flirtatious undertones to his approach, no overt, eye-wagging, shit-eating-grin “hey babe, you’re so cool and I’m totally into that”. No, he just talks to her. Talks to her about whatever she wants to talk about, lets the conversation naturally go where it goes, and it gets her to open up, if only just a little. Cody, on the other hand, never does this with Gwen, he never understands this, and every interaction he has with her until Up the Creek, and then resuming in World Tour, is about trying to obtain her as an item.

In World Tour, his selfishness and desire to have Gwen reach new levels and really show how little he actually cares about her as a person. During the episode in Australia, Gwen acts hurt because Duncan is acting jealous of Alejandro “hooking up” with Courtney. Cody’s first instinct is to offer her his vote, but with the implicit subtext this game alliance is a means for him to hook up with her. Gwen is not actually hurt here, she’s playing him for a vote, but he doesn’t know that, he thinks Duncan has actually hurt her. She says to him “ Can you make the pain go away?” and he nods and tells her he’s there for her and that he’ll make everything better.

This is Cody at his absolute lowest. Here he is seeing someone he thinks is heartbroken and vulnerable and all his first reaction is to manipulate it to get into a relationship with her.

Now this may all sound very anti-Cody, and I certainly don’t apologize for or condone this behavior. But I also now move on to my next point, which is that it is a learned behavior which makes sense in the context of his upbringing, and that he has the capacity to change this behavior.

A bad childhood does not excuse bad behaviors as an adult, or even a young adult like Cody, but it does provide a level of understanding how and why he does the things he does. There is a substantial body of canonical evidence that Cody is a neglected child, manifested most famously and notably in the show by the revelation that his parents (nor anyone else for that matter) never once remembered his birthday in Awwwww Drumheller. Interestingly it seems the Dramarama spinoff has taken this idea up as well, with Cody having said “It feels like a mother’s warmth, or least, so I’ve been told” which in context seems meant to indicate that Cody is unfamiliar with motherly affection. But what he lacks in parental attention is made up for in material wealth- his TDI bio speaks of a plethora of the latest tech and gadgets paid for on his parents dime. This is where the root of his selfishness in dealing with Gwen comes from- having never received love in his life, only things, he can only conceive of a relationship as a thing to be had, not love to be shared between people. Because the latter concept is utterly alien to him. But it’s alien to him because this mentality is learned, taught by years of neglect and being spoiled. And what can be learned, can be unlearned.

Enter Planes, Trains and Hot Air Mobiles. It is all good and well to argue that Cody is the way he is because he is a victim of parental apathy and absence, but unless this amounts to meaningful change in his behavior, it is meaningless. Here we see that Cody in fact has the capacity to change and to be better than he was, and it’s in his relationship with Sierra that we first see this.

The Total Drama Jumbo jet has been demolished to smithereens, and at the epicenter of the destruction was Sierra. The episode begins with her eliminated, incapable of walking, buried under rubble and with most of those still present utterly uninterested in her plight. Cody, Alejandro and Heather are tasked with racing to Hawaii by whatever means they can find, but Sierra is left with no provisions for her return home. Let’s be clear here- Cody is supposed to get to Hawaii, not Sierra.

At this point in the game he’s only barely started warming up to her the last episode, and otherwise has rebutted her at every turn since the game began. She cannot move on her own, no matter what means he uses to travel she’s dead weight. With his chosen method of travel, the balloon, Cody can get farther and go faster if he goes alone. He has every logical reason in the world to be selfish here, from a competition standpoint.

And yet he doesn’t. He takes her with him, an act that I would argue is his first truly selfless act in any of his canon relationships with anyone. He gains nothing by bringing her along, or at least, nothing that is immediately apparent when they set off. He risks his victory in the competition to ensure she has someone to take care of and look after her. He prioritizes her needs and the urgency of her situation over his wants, and even his personal feelings for her at this moment- despite everything she has done to him that has made him feel violated and uncomfortable, by taking her with him he has forgiven her, and without words said that her life and wellbeing are worth more to him than his own feelings about their past. This does not absolve Sierra of responsibility for these acts, but Cody’s forgiveness is an important step in giving her the opportunity to atone for them. It is a profoundly mature moment for Cody, the most mature he has ever been in the entire series since Up the Creek.

Later on in the episode, something incredible happens. Something called reciprocity- an exchange of mutual benefit to all parties involved. And it’s when their hot air balloon has crashed and they are stranded in the middle of nowhere somewhere in North America, with no apparent means to continue the race. Along with a box of fireworks, Sierra motivates Cody with a rousing speech, and importantly tells him that “You want a number one fan? That comes with responsibilities!”

This is a first for Sierra, in that she is demanding something out of Cody’s side of the relationship. For all the time she has been on the show with him, she has taken care of him with no regard for getting anything out of it in return. She has saved his life at risk to herself numerous times, and while she exacted a toll in physical affection she had never previously called upon Cody to do anything for her, personally. Here that changes.

She demands that he continue the race not for his sake, but for hers, and for all the fans she represents. This transforms the act of continuing the race from a selfish one for Cody, into a selfless one, as he is no longer doing it out of self-interest, but to fulfill his obligation to his relationship with Sierra. And for the second time in the episode, Cody shows the ability to be selfless and consider the needs and wants of others. He is not a fundamentally self-centered person at heart, and his bad habits can be unlearned in the right circumstance with the right people.

It is this relationship that carries a feeble weakling and a crippled girl to the finale against all odds. It brings out the best in both of them and takes two people who on their own would have zero chance for success, and allows them to lift each other up and help each other move forward. This is the potential of Coderra, as a romance or a lifelong friendship. It’s only two, maybe three episodes where we see a glimpse of it, but I think that together they can be a little less broken and start to defeat their worst demons.

#td #tdi #tdwt #total drama #total drama island #total drama world tour #td cody #td sierra

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softpine · 4 years ago

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Could we get another you don't have to read but it's interesting text post?? 👉👈

omg i hope this is what you meant, but umm here’s some backstory about griffin’s roommates? because even my nameless extras apparently need deep lore in my mind?? fjkjsd

TW: mentions of drug addiction, homelessness, religion, abuse, and biphobia. + me not being able to stop talking ever.

jeremy; 19. gay. [also the guy from this post.] jeremy grew up smack in the middle of the bible belt. his parents wanted him to grow up and be a pastor like all the generations before him. he was a model child and no one expected him to run away, so his parents actually thought he was kidnapped when, on a random tuesday, he left in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on his back. the police found him wandering towards the bus stop just a few hours later and dropped him back at home. everyone then repeated the same cycle again and again for years, before jeremy’s parents got fed up and agreed to legally emancipate him if he agreed to just stop embarrassing their family. he finally hit the road on his own when he was 15.

he met griffin at a train station out west a while later. griffin had just left his aunt’s house, and neither of them had any place to be. jeremy is the one that taught him how to pickpocket (although there was a lot less flirting involved in jeremy’s method – he relies heavily on the “dumb tourist desperately needing directions” angle). but jeremy can never stay in one place too long, so he left. a year later, they happened to bump into each other in another state and decided a coincidence like that was too big to ignore. so they started traveling together and eventually ended up in nyc, where they stayed. (well, kinda. jeremy disappears for weeks at a time and comes back with all kinds of stories.)

griffin sometimes gets pissed because jeremy likes to equate their 2 childhoods, but they were really nothing alike. sure, jeremy’s family was oppressive and he could never be himself around them, but they were wealthy, they loved him, they never laid a hand on him, and they’re still hoping he comes home someday. jeremy didn’t leave because he had to, he left because he wanted to. but he can’t seem to grasp the difference. still, he listened when griffin told him he should reach out to his family and let them know he’s okay. now they have scheduled phone calls once a month and they’re all happy with that amount of communication.

all in all, jeremy is still a kid. he loves comic books, action figures, the atari he & griffin split 50/50, and going to the movies. he’s always looking for the next big adventure or something to make him feel more alive. unfortunately, that’s taken him to some darker places with drugs and alcohol, but he’s doing okay right now. he was worried about moving into an apartment because he thought it would make him feel too trapped, but he actually likes having a place that he chose, that no one is forcing him to be at. oh and no, he and griffin have never dated. jeremy just doesn’t know what personal space means.

eddie; 34. straight [but probably aro/ace in modern terms]. he’s already been divorced three times, which he assumed is because he's a pushover, never fights for anything or takes his own stance, and seemingly lacks passion in every aspect of his life. for almost ten years, he worked as a personal accountant in the upper east side. his days were mundane: he ate the same breakfast (oatmeal), the same lunch (ham & cheese sandwich), and the same dinner (chicken noodle soup) every day. somewhere around the time of his third divorce, he realized he wasn’t going to find fulfillment unless he searched for it, so he quit his job, cashed out his family inheritance, and traveled through europe. as he was living in hostels and hitchhiking and relying on the kindness of strangers, he started to become well-acquainted with the homeless communities in every place he visited. he realized how out of touch he had become, and how privileged he was to be bored with his life. and thus, he had found his passion.

when he returned to new york, he got a new job in finance for a nonprofit organization for the homeless. that was nice and all, but he never got to see the benefits of his work, so he started volunteering at food banks and shelters. that’s where he met jeremy and griffin. jeremy was fascinated by how truly dull eddie is. he kept waiting for eddie to reveal some deep, wild, secret part of him, but it never happened. eddie never even bragged about his adventures in europe; he would always turn the conversation back around to others. by the time jeremy realized he really is that boring, he was already looking up to eddie as an older brother type (and griffin was just along for the ride).

eddie is the one that’s actually renting the apartment and then renting out the extra space to griffin, jeremy, and vincent at dirt cheap rates while they get on their feet. he agreed to keep doing this as long as they all have jobs (pickpocketing doesn’t count) and try to stay clean in jeremy’s case.

vincent; 21. bi. vincent grew up comfortable, but not wealthy, in queens, with his family who emigrated from singapore before he was born. his parents later got divorced, and now he’s the oldest of a combined total of seven siblings, though he’s always been closer to his mom and stepdad. growing up, his grades were just average, he had a few friends but was too shy to be popular, and he wasn’t particularly athletic either – he was on the swim team for a while, but he hated the competitive aspect. his favorite part was staying behind after practice and having the pool all to himself; he would float on his back for hours, just watching the pool lights reflecting on the ceiling. he struggled to fit in at school. this all changed when he started weightlifting during his senior year. he mainly started doing it as a way to keep himself busy, but he soon realized that the more fit he got, the more attention people paid him. he liked that.

soon after, he started his first relationship with a girl, kelly, who he intended to marry someday. they graduated high school together and both enrolled at the same college – though vincent hadn’t decided a major yet – and things were going great. he even came out to her as bi and she took it really well (especially for the time). they were settled into an apartment of their own at 19.

in his quest to figure out his major, vincent took up all kinds of new hobbies, his favorite being drumming. he even started a garage band with some of his friends. they started playing house shows, which ended up being somewhat popular, though they don’t expect to make it big anytime soon. at one of these shows, vincent ran into griffin and they bonded over their love of rock music. when vincent found out that griffin didn’t have a place to stay that night, he invited him to sleep on his couch – understandably, kelly was angry that he didn’t ask first.

kelly got increasingly more upset as time went on and vincent & griffin became better friends. even though nothing romantic ever happened between them (and i sure hope not, because griffin was like 16 at the start), kelly was convinced that vincent was cheating on her and that she was only there to cover for his “true” sexuality. when they inevitably broke up, vincent was devastated. not only that, but he now had to find a new place to live asap. that’s when griffin mentioned that he and jeremy were renting rooms from eddie and that vincent was welcome to join. and that takes us up to the present! (well, the “present” being 1987).

#THIS IS SO LONG #imagine being me and having all of this flood your brain when you're trying to sleep at night!!#free me!#anonymous #asks #saviorhide #brandi answers #camellia ask #drugs tw #addiction tw #homelessness tw #religion tw #abuse tw #biphobia tw #homophobia tw

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jazy3 · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X17

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I liked this episode, but I wish they had gone deeper and delved into things in a more in depth way for many of the storylines. It also felt to me like there should have been a Part 2 and that this episode should have been Part 1 of a two part finale rather than the Finale itself. I wish they had done this episode the one week earlier or that they had spaced out the content between two episodes because then we could have gotten longer scenes between each of the characters rather than short snippets.

I loved seeing Meredith back at the hospital working again and doing what she does best! I like Meredith in her new role, and I think combining that with starting to operate again as Richard once did is a good fit for her at this point in her career and in her recovery. I really enjoyed her storyline with Bailey and their conversations about tradition versus forming a new path because I can see both sides. I can see why doing the speech and following in Richard's footsteps was important to Bailey, but I can also see Meredith's point. As she says people are dying every day from COVID and the last thing the students need is for someone else to talk at them about medicine when what they really need is to practice and see real examples.

My favourite parts of the episode by far were the scenes with Meredith and Hayes! I loved the OR board scene. I loved their banter and the way they smiled at each other. I love that Hayes was cracking jokes about Meredith getting sick and them not being able to go out for a drink because of the pandemic because admitting how scared he was and how much he cares would be too painful. And I love that Meredith totally got that and matched what he was saying because it’s scary and painful for her too. In this scene we learned that Meredith knows that Hayes is the one that found her and that she remembers him talking to her while she was unconscious, begging her to fight, and talking to her about her kids.

We got confirmation that Hayes was asking Meredith out on a date at the end of last season and that she wishes they could have gone and had a drink before the pandemic hit. Hayes’ jokes about her getting sick to avoid having to turn him down and that it must have been some other Irishman begging her to wake up only work because it’s clear how untrue all of that is. Meredith clearly wants to go out with him and he’s obviously been worried sick about her and she knows that otherwise she would have reacted differently when he made those jokes. But she gives as good as she gets, matches him, and plays along because admitting how scary all of that is is just too much.

I also loved their scene in the Attendings Lounge although I wish it could have been longer and in a more intimate setting like one of their offices or a meeting room of some kind away from prying eyes. I love how Hayes just rolls with the punches. When he comes into the room Meredith is crying on the couch. It’s Christmastime and Hayes knows as a fellow widow how hard that the holidays can be. He comments says as much to Meredith, but she’s not in the mood for talking about how much she misses Derek, so she changes the subject and pretends that she’s upset about her patient Gerlie not being able to get a lung transplant.

So, Hayes plays along and talks about how great that would be. He then tells Meredith he got her a present and gives her a bottle whiskey. When Meredith comments that it’s opened and half full, he replies that he got for her on short notice. Which implies to me that he was planning on getting her a bottle of whiskey for Christmas, but he figured he’d see her later on, but when the opportunity arose for them to have a drink and he happened to have a half full opened bottle of whiskey he decided to give it to her as a gift rather than wait till later. Either that or he bought the bottle for her as a gift and then when he didn’t see her wound up drinking part of it only to run into her shortly thereafter.

I love that they were finally able to have a drink like they talked about, but I wish the scene was longer and more intimate. I was really hoping to see them talk about how hard it must have been for Hayes to find Meredith in the parking lot after what happened with Abigail and her time on the beach. I’m hoping that we’ll get to see that next season during one of their dates. I also really want to know what happened after they cut away. Did they continue to drink in the Attendings Lounge before going home? Did they retire to one of their offices to drink some more before going home?

I really loved the scene with them at Maggie’s wedding. The adoring way Hayes looked at Meredith and her kids as they came down the aisle and the look they shared during the ‘in sickness and health’ part of the vows. I’ve seen a few different interpretations of this and I would like to share my favourites. I’ve seen some people say that Hayes looked over at her and they shared a look because they both know what it means to love someone and watch them get sick and die young. Others have speculated that Hayes looks over at her because he waited for her when she was sick and now she’s healthy. Others have suggested that Hayes looked over at her in that moment and Meredith saw him in her peripheral vision and so she looked over and they shared that moment before turning back to the wedding.

Like a lot of fans I was really hoping to see them dance at Maggie and Winston’s wedding and while I’m disappointed that that didn’t happen she wouldn’t be Meredith Grey if she didn’t leap into action when her patient needed her. Plus, we now know that Teddy and Owen are engaged and will likely get married next season so they could presumably dance at their wedding. I wish the scenes between Meredith and Hayes in this episode had been longer and more intimate, but I understand that moving the timeline forward eight months made that difficult. It felt like they cut away from their scenes just as it was getting interesting and so with Meredith back on her feet and the show having moved forward to April 2021 I’m hoping that next season there won’t be as many time jumps and we’ll get to see longer more meaningful scenes with Meredith and Hayes like we did last season.

I'm excited to see them pick up this storyline next season and hopefully move it from a slow burn to a raging fire. Because I gotta be honest I was super into the slow burn element last season, but this season I was a bit annoyed. I sat through many a relationship of Meredith’s that I knew wasn’t going to work out or that wasn’t right and watching her and Hayes dance around each other when they could be together and happy is getting a bit tedious. Especially since I’m not as invested in the other couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes. I was super invested in Tom and Teddy, but now that’s over and with Tom in Boston there’s no chance of that storyline coming back full time.

I like Maggie and Winston and I like Amelia and Link but I’m not as invested in those couples as I am in Meredith and Hayes so I’m hoping for more movement next season. I love Meredith and Hayes together so much! I love their friendship and I love them as a romantic pairing. I love their banter and how they just get each other. I truly believe they will get together next season and that their relationship will be a big plot point in Season 18.

While I loved Maggie and Winston’s wedding the drama it took to get there to me was a bit ridiculous. While I'm glad that Maggie’s Dad and Winston’s Grandmother objected so that they could have a real wedding at the end of the episode which is what they really wanted and deserved I was frustrated by how that came about. Maggie literally made that exact point the previous episode and Winston took it as Maggie getting cold feet and was really upset about it. If he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying he would have gotten it.

Instead, he got upset and Maggie wound up compromising to the point that the backyard wedding wasn’t at all what she wanted, and Amelia wasn’t even there because she got called into work. Maggie did all of the compromising and Winston did none. Then his grandmother makes the same exact point as Maggie did the week prior and suddenly he gets it? It felt a bit like drama for drama's sake. That being said, I loved their official wedding! I thought it was beautiful. I am happy that Maggie finally found happiness with someone who gets her (most of the time) and I'm excited to see her adjust to married life next season.

I have a similar critique about Amelia and Link’s storyline. Up until these last couple of episodes they’ve had a very healthy relationship which was sabotaged when Link became convinced out of the blue that Amelia wanted to get married and have more kids when she specifically told him she did not want to get married anytime soon and he brought up having more kids then went to go get popcorn and then never asked her whether or not that was something she wanted. Which frustrated me because it felt like a rehashing of a storyline they’ve already done.

Amelia has already gone through this with Owen more than once. We saw Cristina go through this with Owen before that. What is it with men on Grey’s Anatomy becoming convinced that their girlfriends want to get married and have a bunch of kids when they literally tell them that they don’t or they’ve never asked them? I was sad to see them fall apart in this episode and I feel like it was a lack of communication on both ends that caused the break up. Link became enamoured with the idea of getting married and having more kids even though Amelia told him she didn't want to get married and he never actually asked her if she wanted more children and ignored her obviously panicked response when the topic came up multiple times. Amelia for her part was clear she didn't want to get married anytime soon, but struggled to tell Link she didn't want more kids because he was so excited every time the topic came up and having gone through that with Owen multiple times before she dreaded how it might end so she avoided the topic. I think Link went way too far with proposing to Amelia and by saying yes to fostering Luna without talking to Amelia first. Also, where does Link get off telling Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis aren’t his family but he loves them anyone and then arguing that it’s the same with Luna?

Amelia and Link were both close to Meredith before she got sick and were living at her house. Amelia and Jo like each other but aren’t that close. Amelia looked after Meredith and Derek’s kids back when Derek was alive and has been a part of their lives for many years and Link had spent time with them before Meredith got sick. Amelia had never even met Luna prior to this episode. Also looking after your dead brother’s kids when your sister-in-law is in the hospital and might die is very different then agreeing to foster a high needs baby so that your partner’s best friend can adopt her.

To top it off, Link literally tells Amelia that Zola, Bailey, and Ellis are her family but not his family technically and then turns around and tries to propose to her at Meredith’s house in front of them and when he gets upstaged by Owen decides to use those same kids to propose to her at her sister’s wedding. He got the kids involved when he straight up told Jo he wasn’t sure if Amelia would say yes. Why would you do that if you don’t know what the answer is going to be? Now the kids are upset and these aren’t just random relatives.

Amelia and Link raised those kids for two months while Meredith was sick. Amelia outright says in an earlier episode that Zola has big wedding dress dreams, but that she doesn’t want to get married so why on God’s green earth would Link think that involving Zola who has been through enough was a good idea? All that being said, I really do love Amelia and Link together as a couple and so I hope that they can find their way back to each other next season. You don't have to get married or have more kids to be happy. They can be happy just as they are, so I hope that they find a way to communicate better and work things out because I love them as a couple and Amelia deserves her happy ending. She's worked so hard for that.

Speaking of proposals, Link’s not the only one who pops the question this episode. After reconciling with Teddy and supporting her when she contracts COVID, is asymptomatic, and then recovers Owen is inspired to propose once again. Owen, Teddy, Leo, Allison, Amelia, Link, and Scout are gathered at Meredith’s house with Zola, Bailey, and Ellis for Christmas Day when it starts to snow in the backyard. It’s revealed that Owen set up a snow machine as a Christmas present for Teddy. He then gets down on one knee and proposes in front of everyone. Link is displeased and Teddy accepts.

I love the shade that Meredith threw at Owen in that scene. “Including your ex-wife,” she says because Meredith is a good sister and she is Team Cristina and Team Amelia always. She tolerates Owen and his nonsense because he keeps marrying her sisters and having kids with them, but she’s got no problem calling him out on his BS. Good for Amelia being so happy for Owen and Teddy. She’s a better woman than I am. I would not be happy for Owen and I definitely wouldn’t be clapping and cheering. Something I noticed throughout the episode is that Link seemed to take Amelia’s joy at the happiness of others getting engaged and getting married as a sign that she wanted that too while outright ignoring the look on Amelia’s face, her words, and the tone of her voice when the topic of marriage and having more kids actually came up.

I think Link saw what he wanted to see in this episode because he became so enamored with the idea of being married to Amelia and having more kids with her that he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. Jo even points out to him. Anyone paying attention could see that Amelia does not want to get married or have more kids, but Link was so caught up in the joy of it all that he failed to see what was right in front of him. As for Owen and Teddy engaged, I’ve never been a Teddy and Owen shipped, but if this means that the drama, fighting, and nonsense is over then I'm happy for them.

I hope they make it work this time because both Teddy and Owen have hurt so many people in the course of their ongoing drama over the seasons. They've hurt Beth, Cristina, Amelia, and Tom just to name a few and so many people got caught in the crossfire. I mean how many times did Meredith tell everyone involved that what they were doing was a bad idea? I hope they make it work because if not Owen and Teddy will have spent a good chunk of the series hurting themselves and everyone around them for no reason.

This is a personal opinion, but I think proposals at big family events and holidays are super tacky! If you propose on a holiday you’re upstaging the kids and/or the host of the event, like Owen did at Christmas, and if you propose at a family event you’re upstaging the happy couple and/or hosts, like Link did at Maggie and Winston’s wedding, and you’re making a day that’s supposed to be about something or someone else all about you and your partner. If it doesn’t work out you’ve just ruined that holiday for everyone, and everyone’s memories of that day are forever tarnished by your poor judgement.

I know some people love that kind of thing and kudos to you, but I find it extremely tacky. If someone did that at my event or wedding, I’d kick them the hell out and probably never speak to them or invite them to anything again because upstaging a bunch of excited kids, the happy couple, or the hosts of the event is extremely selfish and self-centered in my opinion. Especially if you don’t know what the answer will be. While Owen upstaging a bunch of kids at a family event at someone else’s house felt very in character to me because he’s always pulling stuff like that Link’s proposal and his proposal attempt felt very out of character to me.

One big critique I had of this episode and the previous one is that both Link and Winston acted very out of character to me. Up until this point they've come across as loving and supportive partners who know exactly what they are getting into. In the last two episodes of the Winston got upset about something totally reasonable and refused to listen to Maggie and then was forced to conceded when his grandmother put her foot down. None of which would have been necessary if he had just listened to Maggie and really thought about what she was saying.

Likewise, in the last two episodes Link goes from being completely understanding of what Amelia is saying about marriage and someone who talks things through to becoming convinced that Amelia wants to marry him and that she’ll say yes if he does a big grand gesture surprise proposal during a major family event. He tells Amelia he wants more kids and then gets up to make popcorn before Amelia can say anything and then becomes convinced that she wants more children too even though he never outright asks her and it’s obvious she’s opposed to the idea because she looks absolutely panicked every time the topic comes up.

On a more positive note, I really loved Jo’s storyline in this episode. While I'm not a fan of Jo's OBGYN storyline I loved her storyline with Luna and I am so glad that she decided to fight for her and was able to adopt her. She deserves to be happy after all she's been through and her adopting Luna felt like her journey came full circle in a lot of ways. I loved the Tom cameo! I am a Tom fan and I love that he'll continue to be a part of the show as a shareholder going forward. I also really loved the Jackson cameo. I thought Jo buying Jackson's penthouse suite apartment from him was perfect. It tied up a loose end and it enabled Jo to adopt Luna and finally have a nice place of her own. I hope we see more cameos like this throughout next season.

As this season comes to a close, I have to say I really loved Meredith's time on the beach, and I loved seeing Richard step into a new role at the hospital and really shine. As for what I’d like to see next season, I really want Meredith and Hayes to start dating and become a couple and for their kids to meet and for them to become a happy blended family. I want Meredith and Irene to meet and bond as originally planned. I want Amelia and Link to figure their stuff out so they can be happy. I hope we get to know Winston more as a character and that they bring in someone new to head up Plastics that Jo can date. I think seeing her dating as a new single mom could be really interesting. I want Dr. Mason Post the hot vaccine doc to come back and I'd love to see him and Levi end up together. I'd also like to see Bailey and Richard get some juicy storylines.

Until next time!

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in-tua-deep · 4 years ago

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13, 14 and 15 for Five!

man y’all are feral for these ones let me see what they are...

13. What gets them flustered

HMMM well flustered means to make (someone) agitated or confused.

Which means... calling or insinuating that Five is either a child (tagging a ‘little’ onto brother, young man, etc.) or incapable - unfortunately he can perceive several different things as calling him incapable/weak such as... insinuating that he needs sleep or to take a break

Anyone expressing any kind of soft emotions or that they care about him makes him... a little confused to say the least. He’s spent a really long time alone, and while he has some vague success at having heart to hearts where he’s the one talking (telling Klaus about Dolores, talking to Luther, etc.) as soon as the tables turn and they try and express any kind of appreciation or concern for him he has to brush it off, or jump away into a cab, or get defensive and yell (he is not an addict, Klaus)

He doesn’t know how to handle anything soft or considerate. Nothing like that was really present during his childhood - he was never especially close with Grace, not like Diego was at least. Certainly there wasn’t room to be soft in the apocalypse, except on occasion with Dolores, but his focus was primarily on the duel purpose of survival and saving his siblings. And certainly not at the Commission.

So it does make him agitated and confused and flustered when people care about him. He’s not used to it. He’s used to being the one caring. Even Dolores - she was a reflection of himself and there’s a reason in the comics she was more than a little mean to him at times. There’s a reason why the Handler liked to try and unsettle him by caressing him face and complimenting him so sweetly.

14. Ingrained habits/forces of habit

oh I think Five has a LOT of ingrained habits left over from the apocalypse and fending for himself since he was a small child

Food hoarding and resource guarding would be big ones tbh, he’s had food insecurity for a long time and in season one I never saw him eat so he might just generally be uncomfortable eating in front of other people - a strong sense of this is mine and protectiveness that comes from having very very little

Most of that protectiveness is centered around his family tbh but if his siblings tried to make him give up... his old battered copy of Vanya’s book, for example, I doubt it would go very well. Luther threatening Dolores was not taken very well to say the least, and Luther was only saved by the fact that Five loves Luther and would rather die than hurt him

(though threatening a bit is possible, which I think is what happened with Vanya at the end as well - Five couldn’t bring himself to follow through on hurting her otherwise his jumping would have been so much more precise at the end, he was demonstrably very deadly )

Five is used to going at things alone, so leaving his siblings behind isn’t even him being an asshole or trying to protect them by leaving them behind... he literally just forgets that he has backup but also forgets that like... his siblings talk back to him? So he’ll just say his piece and then exit out of the conversation

His siblings find it inconsiderate and rude but sometimes it’s literally just Five forgetting that people can have input to conversations and that they aren’t just one-sided things, and since Five is... kind of sensitive about his lack of social skills he just lets them think he’s rude rather than admit that his social skills are really just that bad

There are plenty of other things I think might result from his years of isolation. Five’s habit of talking to himself, because for a long time there was really no one else to talk to (even if he addresses those thoughts to Dolores absently, despite the fact that he’s returned her to the store). An inability to relax because there’s an inexplicable feeling of guilt that occurs whenever he tries to.

Issues sleeping because he’s used to basically total silence. Can you imagine going from no sound at all to living in a house with other people, in a city where there are cars and sirens and people walking down the street? Being generally jumpy around other people

Five has a lot of social issues that his siblings probably put down to him being rude and unsociable but are actually just a result of Five genuinely not knowing how to interact with people, even when he’s really actually trying his best

and part of that is that they’re used to Five being terrifyingly competent, they remember him being praised by their father for being adaptable and good at what he did, even when he caused trouble. They’re used to Five being above it all, and so they don’t perceive it as Five having difficulty so much as they perceive it as Five purposefully being an asshole

If Five was trying he wouldn’t fail, because they do actually perceive Five as being exceptionally capable, which means that Five’s actual struggles... kind of go unnoticed or are criticized as him not trying hard enough

and of course Five hides how he feels and lets them go on thinking that, because it’s an ingrained habit to hide weaknesses - both thanks to Reggie who pit the kids against one another and used their weaknesses against them and because of the Handler who can scent weakness in the water like a shark with blood oof

15. What it takes to make them cry

I think I have a post somewhere about how the Hargreeves are very good at digging right into each others weaknesses and twisting the knife. It happens with all of them tbh. Diego hurls Allison’s failures as a mother in his face, Allison snaps at Vanya that she’s the last person she would ask for advice, even Ben snipes at Klaus. It’s ingrained. It’s common. They’re used to hurting each other with words, used to finding each others softest parts and using those weaknesses against each other

but Five hasn’t really experienced that since he was thirteen. And the Handler, brilliant as she is, is no match for the siblings in their ability to locate and use each others weaknesses.

So I think there’s going to come a day when Five pisses one of them off, and they lash out in the way they know how. The ‘acceptable’ way, with words instead of fists. They’re going to find Five’s softest parts and dig right in

Words like ‘abandon’ and ‘run away’ and ‘should have stayed away’ and ‘fault’

And Five knows how to defend himself, physically. But he’s so very out of practice against verbal attacks, he’s out of practice when he can’t attack back physically and shut someone up. And he loves his siblings. He couldn’t even bring himself to hurt Luther when Luther was threatening the one person who kept him sane, someone that he loved. He couldn’t bring himself to hurt Vanya when she was about to end the world.

So Five can’t attack physically, has to just stand there and listen. Has to take those words, and take them into his heart, and stand there bleeding from wounds that no one can see

and he’s Five. So none of them would expect it when their words actually hurt him, actually make him stagger back as if hit by a physical blow, none of them expect their venomous barbs to actually make their brother cry

but them not expecting it just makes it easier to hide. He can jump out of a conversation and just be considered rude and inconsiderate and he can hide away while he shakes apart at the seams and has to rebuild his walls from scratch

(what a useful power, right? what a useful escape)

i think there might eventually be frustrated tears, brought about by accusation that Five... doesn’t care about them and everything piles up and just -

the idea that his siblings don’t know, can’t know, about everything he’s sacrificed for them. Every time he sees them dead behind his eyelids when he goes to sleep. Every second he thought about them, every moment he tried to get back to them. Five is shit at expressing how much he cares about his siblings to his siblings, but don’t actions speak louder than words? Hasn’t he shown them how much he loves them? How much it would kill him if he had to go through losing them ever again?

I imagine at some point there’s a breakdown, Five howling about how he thought about them every single day, that he worked tirelessly to get back to them, to save them. Fuck the world. He was never interested in saving the world. His entire world is his family, and he shaking and shuddering and yelling at them because they don’t understand

he probably doesn’t even realize he’s crying until someone points it out, honestly

tbh five kind of deserves his breakdown, and his siblings deserve to witness how much he actually does care about them and maybe then he’ll finally get the hug he deserves

#ask game #heacanon game #tua #the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #number five #and that's all i have to say about that i think #siblings just be like that tbh #when you know someone well you know what they're sensitive about and know how to dig in and hurt them #and the hargreeves have a bad habit of wanting others to hurt when they're hurting #:/#Anonymous

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