#she panicked then got really sad then stood there for a full five minutes going What The Fuck Was That Emotion

[cheekygreenty]

In My Head - The Darkling x Reader

Supppeer angsty and kinda sad?

The fire engulfed the golden kefta in a water-like rhythm. The cracks and sparks echoed in the open field amongst the silence that settled around all of you. Alina was exhausted, Zoya was grieving, the Ketterdam criminals looked shaken too. But you were unmoving, as still as a painting and not showing a single emotion. They had all witnessed your heartbreak as it fell and crashed the world around you, breaking every part of you. They watched as realization flooded you that you never truly knew Aleksander. They watched as he tore your heart from your chest and threw it into the depths of the Fold to rot.

Painted a picture,

I thought I knew you well

It was humiliating. Alina had tried to warn you but you played her off as selfish and unwilling to use her powers for the good of all Grisha. You told her she was stupid and foolish for loving an otkazat'sya when in reality you were the fool for loving a man that didn't exist.

You told her she was crazy, that Aleksander would never lie to you and that he was good because you knew him. In truth, you were no better than him. You blindly followed everything he said, completely ignoring the alarm bells in your head. You had grown used to them as weeks went by, to the point of the alarm playing a low comforting tune in your mind all day and all night.

There weren't enough apologies in the world to say sorry for the things you'd done and said to Alina and she'd insisted that no apology was necessary because it wasn't your fault, 'It's not your fault you only see the good things about people' she whispered to you before she left to change. But the good things about him weren't there; they never existed. It was all in your head, a mind so desperate for love it concocted a whole new Aleksander, one which you loved so much and would do anything for.

I got a habit of seeing what isn't there

'We were all fooled Y/N, Don't blame it all on yourself' Despite her grieving and sorrow, Zoya's hand rested on your shoulder briefly as a sign of comfort. Without her, you wouldn't have been here right now, alive and breathing.

'I don't blame myself. I hate myself for being so blind'

'Me too'

I thought that you were the one

But it was all in my head

------

You could feel the nothingness of the Fold threading through your hair even inside Alina's tunnel of safety. You stared at her shackled feet, pushing the guilt away and replacing it with a sense of righteousness. There was nothing else that could be done to keep her in check, if she wanted to escape and hide from her destiny forever then she would do so over your dead body.

The Fold needed to be gone and if chaining her to the skiff was going to be the only way she obeyed then so be it. Your mind quickly spiraled back to her hasty words back in the tent. She was panicked and desperate, clinging to your arm like a wailing child begging to be heard. Her lies were bizarre and abundant, no doubt the works from her long journey to the Stag but they were unbelievable. So extreme even a Fjerdan would laugh at their ridiculousness.

The skiff suddenly stopped, Novokribirsk visible in the distance with lines of First-Army troops standing in neat lines.

'Why have we stopped?' A dignitary asked and you wondered the same thing. You searched the skiff for anyone with an explanation, but everyone looked equally as confused but Alina looked mortified. What is going on?

'One more demonstration. You’ve seen what the Sun Summoner can do' You whipped your head around to him slightly moving away but his arm pulled you back to his side with an edge. You heard the loud jangle of Alina's chains as she tried to move. 'Now bear witness to what I can do… with her power.'

He pushed you to Ivan, who took no time in holding you back by the arms, caging you in his grasp. You resisted on the simple basis that you didn't know why you were being restrained just like Alina but the answer came all too soon. There was no time to shout or gasp as Aleksander raised his own hands and the black shadows of the Fold expanded into Novokribirsk, killing everything in its path.

You stood motionless as the horrible sounds of volcra swarming and humans screaming flooded the air. Alina's words came back to you again but you didn't listen. No, you didn't want to. Zoya seemingly came down from the mainsail and looked at the black void in a hypnosis-like stare but nobody dared say anything. There was a silence on the skiff while hundreds and thousands of lives ceased to exist in a matter of seconds.

The comforting tune in your head had suddenly turned into a blinding screech, rendering you frozen and flabbergasted. He did this, Aleksander did this. How could he do this? You tried to fight the heartrenderer off, squirming desperately in his arms to cover your ears from the slaughtering sounds. Your knees had given out by now and Alina was on the floor of the skiff, struggling to get up due to the heavy and awkward chains. I put them there.

'Today, we redraw all the maps. With the power of the Sun Summoner at my command, I control the Fold.' A sob erupted from your throat right at the minute you realized Alina was right. You didn't listen, this is all my fault. Ivan pulled you back up, roughly smacking a hand over your mouth to stop your pathetic cried of betrayal. You fought a little harder, trashing around in hopes of escaping his hold or at least getting someone's attention but nobody seemed to care. They all feared for their lives.

'All countries will answer to us. For who would oppose us now?' He briefly shot a look in your direction but spared you no emotion. It was then that you saw the real Aleksander, blood-thirsty for power and revenge. The Black Heretic.

Everything you are made you

Everything you aren't

The next five minutes were a complete blur. You somehow found yourself fighting for your life and those around you. Your head was empty of its usual whirling thoughts as survival mode kicked in. Kill or be killed. You stopped counting how many hits you got or how many bruises were forming on your body. It was primal and in your Grisha nature to protect those around you, and in that haste of battle you made your allegiance to Alina obvious.

There was no time to think about Aleksander. You weren't quite sure you wanted to think about him. He was on this skiff with you, on the opposing side that just murdered a town full of people yet the part of your brain, your imagination, craved to be by his side. To please him by obeying, to get his touch in return. You were addicted to the man who had ruined your innocence.

'You betrayed me' His voice was right behind you as was his hand, creeping up the side of your throat and forcefully pushing you against the barrier of the skiff, ready to throw you over to the unlit Fold.

'I betrayed you?!' Your shout was loud and hearty, overflowing with sadness and shame at being relieved for being next to him again. You clawed at his tightening hand, feeling your airways restrict and your vision become fainter and fainter. You would die at the hands of the man you loved.

'Look what you made me do Y/N, do you think I want to kill you?' Your head bopped but your stupid heart grasped at the sadness in his words, he still loves me. 'I don't want to. I really don't'

'Then don't' you chocked out, your hold on his wrists becoming limp. You felt the ever-so familiar touch of his lips grace your temple and then he retreated.

The world went dark but your body hit the deck of the skiff, not the soft sands of the Fold and your lungs abruptly filled with forced Squaller air.

Yes, I did it to myself, yeah

Thought you were somebody else

'What are you going to do now?' You still sat by the fire while everyone stood. Zoya had left your side and was talking with Alina but you filtered out the noise. Your head was too full of your own self-hatred to stand any more voices so Jesper's question to you went unnoticed. 'Y/N?'

You looked at him and shrugged. You didn't want to move, your body still ached too much from being dragged away from the brink of death to make your way somewhere safe.

You would never admit it around anyone, but as Alina spoke of the Darkling being dead, a wave of grief washed over you. It was cold and unpleasant; unwelcome. But you knew love didn't disappear overnight. You didn't know who saved you on the skiff, whether it was he who had let you go, or was it Zoya who battled to have you freed from his grasp.

As much as you had created the Aleksander you viewed, the foundations were all him, you had only added on or omitted the parts you did and didn't like. You prayed it was him who spared you, you prayed there was something real about your Aleksander, that that was a foundation.

The tears that fell down your face in a stream were assumed to be for the betrayal and the horridness of what the Darkling had done to you and others, when if fact they were for him. You cried because you would never see him again, you cried because the people who had helped you get out of the Fold were the same people who had killed him.

-------

When Mal caught your deathly stare in his direction, he had to do a double-take. You had the same look in your eyes as the General did when he fought him in the Fold, that exact replica of coldness and rage; revenge. But surely he was wrong. You were happy to know the Heretic was dead. He betrayed you the most out of everyone here and almost killed you. Why would you be vengeful?

He waved it off with a shake, it's all in my head.

------

Masterlist

Taglist (Tell me if you want to be added!)

@aleksanderwh0r3 @theonelittleone @searching-for-gallifrey @lostysworld @0-artemis @exo-1204 @staradorned @bookfrog242 @simp-for-ben-barners @keepdaydreamingbb @acciorudolphx @pansysgirlfriend @justmesadgirl @rosiethefairy @partiesandblurrypolaroids @ashwarren32 @s1xthirty @toujurespure @misselsbells06

[saberdeity]

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 ⇾ 𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬

pairings ⇾ bucky barnes x female reader

summary ⇾ you find out about a little surprise and your anxious to tell bucky

warnings ⇾ mentions of pregnancy

a/n ⇾ this was requested by @babymango-writes! thank you so much for requesting angel and I really hope you like it 💗

*not my gif, full credit goes to the owner*

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You've been feeling off lately. The little things that you didn’t really pay attention to made you incredibly angry. Waking up in the morning was literal hell, the smell of any form of food made you want to vomit every five minutes and even if you didn’t eat or smell anything you were still throwing up every five minutes. You felt a lot more fatigued during the day and you found yourself losing concentration easily.

Bucky noticed things weren’t quite right with you, you often fell asleep in his arms at random times in the day and that for you was extremely out of the ordinary. He found you were clingier and needier the normal which of course he loved more than anything in the world. He insisted you went to see Bruce, he was worried something was seriously wrong but you shrugged it off putting it down to a stomach bug or something. That was until you realised you were late for your period, actually extremely late.

You enlisted the help of Wanda, she was more excited than you were to be honest. She made you feel at ease which was something you needed at that moment. She insisted on going to get the pregnancy test, she said it was the best friend thing to do.

You took the test as you and Wanda anxiously waited for the result. It felt like the longest couple of minutes of your life at that point. So many thoughts were running through your mind. But, mostly the biggest thing you were worried about if the test was positive was Bucky’s reaction. He was the biggest and best thing in your life and you didn’t want to jeopardize the relationship you had with him.

You and Bucky had talked about kids quite a few times but he didn’t know if it was possible for him after the serum and everything that’s happened which made him really sad and disappointed. You reassured him there were other ways you both could have a child but for him it wasn’t the same. Of course he’d love your child no matter what.

“Wanda what if he’s not ready? What if he’s angry? What if he doesn’t want this right now?” You panicked, just rambling every question that was in your head.

“Y/n , hey, calm down everything’s going to be fine! Bucky will probably be so excited and happy and if he isn’t which is a very slim possibility, we’ll work through it, everything’s going to be okay!” Wanda reassures as you hug her tightly.

Shortly after the timer went off signalling the result was up and you were going to find out if you were pregnant or not.

You stared down at the stick in your hands, the word pregnant prominent on the little screen as your hand flew over your mouth. Tears formed in your eyes, no matter how petrified you were, you were so excited at the same time. Having kids was always a dream of yours and that dream was coming true slowly with the love of your life.

“I’m going to be an auntie” Wanda cheered as she hugged you tightly, dancing around your room and the bathroom happily. You chuckled, wiping your tears from your cheeks as you began to plan, once Wanda had calmed down a little, how you were going to tell Bucky.

You and Wanda rushed out of the compound, knowing he was going to be training with Sam and Steve for a little while so it gave you the perfect opportunity to get everything you needed. You made your way to the mall picking up a small box, a little baby grow with ‘worlds best dad’ on it, a little hat and some other small parts to put in the box.

You both arrived back at the compound, instantly getting to work on making the little box. You folded the little baby grow in the middle, making sure the tissue paper underneath was perfectly arranged. You placed the hat and a little card on each side with the test laying on top of the little baby grow. You placed the lid on top ready to give it to Bucky.

Wanda stayed with you until Bucky was due back, she knew you’d eat yourself alive with nerves if you were left alone.

“Everything’s going to be fine! I love you and congratulations!” She smiles hugging you tightly

“Thank you Wanda for everything you did today! I love you too” You replied squeezing her tightly before she left the room.

You waited anxiously for Bucky to come home from his training session, you were so scared to see his reaction. Of course you and Bucky had talked about kids, you’d been together for 4 years now but he didn’t know if it was possible and you wasn’t sure whether it was the right time or not. No matter what you wanted this baby and you were praying and hoping Bucky did too.

Your heart was pounding in your chest when he walked through the door, his usual happy smile on his face as he made his way towards you. You smiled widely, melting against him when he kissed your forehead softly.

“Hey Doll” He smiles.

“Hey Buck, was training good?” You asked curiously.

“It was good, did you see Bruce today?” He asked, taking a sip of his water before taking a seat on the couch beside you.

“I didn’t need to, I figured it out, I actually have a little surprise for you! Can you close your eyes for me?” You asked, looking to him reassuringly that it wasn’t anything bad.

“Okay.” He said hesitantly, closing his eyes as you walked off to get the box.

Your hands were shaking slightly when you placed the box in his lap. You anxiously stood in front of him.

“You can open your eyes now” You instructed, anxiously picking at the skin around your finger nails.

“You got me a gift doll? You shouldn’t have” Buck smiled looking to you with a smile on his face already.

“Just open it” You said with a soft tone, petrified of his reaction.

He opened the door and instantly his eyes went wide in shock. He picked up the little card in the corner first reading ‘baby barnes’ with the due date just underneath it. His eyes filled with tears as he stared at the test in his hands.m

“I-is this real?” He asks, a huge smile on his face as he looks at you with the softest expression.

“Yeah it's real” You chuckle, tears forming in your eyes also.

“I’m gonna be a dad!” He shouts happily, jumping up from the couch and lifting you into his arms. He twirled you around happily, both of your chuckles filling the air as a sense of relief washed over you.

He eventually places you down, wiping your tears for you before wiping his own.

“We’re gonna have a baby” He smiles, his hands still resting on either of your cheeks, yours on top of his own.

“We’re gonna have a baby” You copy excitedly, his smile grew impossibly wider, kissing you with the softest lips and with the most passion he could gather. You kissed him back instantly, smiling against his lips.

“I love you so much, and I already love you so much, Little One” He whispers softly, crouching so his face was in line with your tummy.

“We love you too” You reply sweetly.

Your dreams were truly coming true.

Taglist-

@cherrychris

@sw33tgirl

@katexrichardson

[ohheyitsokay]

concessions

part 2 of the ‘hey batter batter’ series

pairing: Francesco Morales (Frankie, Catfish) x reader

wordcount: 2.4k

warnings: none (yet)

summary: it’s a Triple Frontier baseball AU - trust me, you don’t need to know anything about baseball.

In this chapter, you run into the guys outside of the stadium and they promptly decide you’re going to be friends with them.

>>

Your friend was twelve minutes late. Not overly long but you could already tell what was going to happen.

It had been a long shot, anyway, an old classmate with little lasting connection. You had been trying to push yourself outside of your comfort zone anyway, why not? When she had originally reached out you’d been full of hope, enough to foolishly order your favorite appetizer as a ice breaker but the effort was in vain.

Fingernails gently clicking against the table, you caved and allowed yourself to look at your phone. It brought instant comfort, to escape the exposure of sitting alone in a restaurant, but you couldn’t stay. The air was cold as you sucked it through your teeth, weighing your options. The confidence it took to eat alone after being stood up was facing a strong competitor: your general policy not to waste good food and good money.

Shifting, you tried to settle, tried to pose yourself like you were in control, looking around the room as nonchalantly as you could. It was silly, your urge to keep moving, your feet on the ground, your hands on the table, your eyes on the other patrons, but you couldn’t help it. It was a nice place, nothing fancy, just a hole in the wall restaurant, filled only with a few locals.

Until your appetizer came around the corner, followed by a much more handsome man than you were prepared for.

His already smiling eyes met yours, and you looked away, startled, maybe blushing a little. He was familiar, too familiar. You tried to focus on the young lady waiting on you, and the steam coming from the plate in her hands.

Just focus on the food, you scolded yourself silently, thanking her and not ordering anything else. He was not your friend, he didn’t even know you, really. There was no need to make him feel uncomfortable.

Except, he wasn’t really worried about that, because he was sliding into the seat across from you.

“Hi,” he was grinning, confident and friendly, and your instincts raised no alarms other than confusion.

“Hello,” you replied, wondering honestly if you were dreaming. This was one of the men you’d met before, in that chaotic, over decorated room in the baseball stadium. He had been in front of you maybe fifteen total seconds, talking to James, before melting back into the sea of uniforms and caps. There was no reason he should remember you much less… be doing whatever was happening now.

The man mistook your expression for panicked forgetfulness and reintroduced himself.

“I’m Ben, Ben Miller? We met a a week or two ago,” he was searching your face for recognition, which of course was not the problem at all. It was sweet, how bashful he was when he pointed to the picture of the team’s logo on the poster by your table, and mouthed “the shortstop?”.

It seemed like he wasn’t trying to draw extra attention to himself, which was almost comical. Even with his casual tshirt and jeans he was easily the most noticeable person in the room – that’s how good he looked, and a testament to the visible confidence of men like him. He was all limber muscles and strong jaw and kind eyes and it wasn’t easy to just tuck that away.

“I – yeah,” this was awkward. “I’m sorry for staring at you, I just don’t normally see … non-locals here.” You smiled, weakly.

There was something in his voice and a glint in his eyes as his blue eyes glanced behind you.

“Would you believe it if I said we were locals?”

All of a sudden his looks were commonplace, because there was another man next to him who was a little broader and a little rougher around the edges- but surprisingly similar in casual masculinity. The “we" clicked into place.

“What’s this?” the first-baseman said, his expression more or less mirroring your own.

A handful of other men followed him and you wanted to melt into the chair. It was too much, too weird. They were all peering at you, dark eyebrows and cool toned cloth stretched over broad chests and it was the most bizarre thing. You weren’t really shy, per se, but stuff like this didn’t happen to you. Fidgeting you stared back at them, feeling helpless.

Ben came to your rescue again, guilty, but far too friendly to stop, like runaway dog at a park.

“I was just telling her that Will and I are from town! And we love it here,” he grinned, winningly, still failing to explain why he was seated with you.

Their hellos were amused and charismatic, for the most part, save the man in the back. It was… Francisco. Or rather, Mr. Morales.

Your heart thumped the same thump that you’d been feeling whenever you thought of him.

His voice was quieter, eyes reaching into yours like he had questions to ask, before he fixed them on the surroundings instead. They were crowding the area, all tall and much to large to fit in between tables. It would have been annoying if this were a busier place.

“You guys go on, I’ll be right there,” the shortstop across from you ushered them away, out of politeness or something else you weren’t sure. It was sad, to see him go again but the absence of attention made you breathe again. You waved, sure you looked ridiculous, and wondering if other women would be dying to be in your stead.

“Sorry, I just wanted to say hi,” Ben seemed earnest again, and you couldn’t help but relax. It was charming, the way his eyebrows dipped and he fidgeted, just a little. “You looked… lonely,” he added, hesitating before standing up with a gentle slap to the table. “Come join us if they don’t show, I’m sure the guys wont mind!”

You nodded, still more or less in shock, and he walked off, strides long and easy, like there was hardly anything weighing on his shoulders.

If they hadn’t been but 20 paces away, you would have shoved the plate aside and replaced its spot on the table with your face, and groaned aloud. You barely registered your food as you ate, wondering at the whole thing in awe as you took out your phone again to text James.

-

Frankie tried not to watch you. He really did. He loved his friends and they seldom got a chance, just the five of them to eat somewhere so homey and casual, without the whole crew, or fans and cameras, or other things to attend to. They’d been close for a long time, happy they enjoyed one another and trusted one another more than the rest of the team. It was what made them so good in the starting lineup – their communication and comradery off field translated into their game.

For awhile he was doing well. He wasn’t watching as you finished your food, hardly noticed the way your hands ran through your hair, barely registered when you stood up, brushing crumbs off your legs, and walked towards the front to pay.

But he did notice when you slid over to their table and… he couldn’t tear his eyes away as your hand touched Benny's shoulder. The movement was smooth and gentle and there was a sharp feeling in his gut.

“Thanks for before,” your voice was quite, more composed than before, now that your feet were under you properly. It wasn’t meant for him, wasn’t his to hear, but he listened anyway. The group was seated at one of those round corner booths, and really, there was no escaping it – they were on the ends.

Benny was saying no problem and Frankie took a long sip of his drink trying to cool down before he was choking on it as his friend invited you to join.

The idea of you sitting here was… a double edged sword. On one side, the chance to talk to you, be around you even in the low lights of the restaurant neons – was too good to be true. His daydreams of you hadn’t slowed down nearly as much as he had hoped after you were gone. And on the other… of all the men here, he didn’t stand much of a chance. The flicker of warmth your little wave had given him began to fade and he tried too late to get in control of his facial expressions as you considered the offer.

When Redfly reached across Ben, though, shoving the younger man to grab your hand, suppressing the growl in his throat was more important than the glare. Next to him, Pope eyes were sharp, catching everything unsaid. His friend was as tense as he was, feeling the charged energy fill the booth.

Some ridiculous part of Frankie was wanting to pull you away, tuck you under his arm, and keep you all to himself. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t. He didn’t even know your name.

Then Will was pulling Tom back with laughter that didn't reach his eyes and Santi was apologizing, saying smooth words and coaxing you to reintrodunce yourself and pull up a chair and hang out.

Frankie would never know how Pope was so good at these things, how his passion made other people relent and reconsider and made them feel safe, but he was grateful for it. He tucked your name away, sure he wouldn’t forget it again. Especially because you pulled your chair up by him, and his heart swelled with something akin to pride as you leaned towards him, more than even Ben.

It could have been politeness, making room for the waitress, it could have been a coincidence, or that you wanted to be further from Tom, but he could quite bring himself to care. Having you close felt good, so much better than it should’ve, given the circumstances.

Even more than normal athletes, the Miller boys ate like they were hollow, and had ordered enough food for a week. There was plenty of talk and teasing and tossing of rolls, and it took you no time at all to settle in.

You found out you had some mutual acquaintances with Will, which helped, as you launched into comparisons of the town and laughed over shared observations. It made you feel at home, with him and Ben, and you understood how the brothers made everyone feel like family. Apparently there was girl Benny liked, who worked with the team’s athletic trainers. None of the boys had wheeled it out of him, but it took you less than fifteen minutes, your smile brighter as you sorted through his intentions.

Santi had a quick tongue, and you matched it. There was respect in his eyes as you leveled with Redfly, efficiently and effectively putting him back in his place. The older man head leaned back, nonchalantly, with raised eyebrows and low whistle, but Pope knew when Tom was embarrassed. There was an almost indiscernible bite onto the inside of the outfielder’s lower lip, a child’s tell.

He watched everyone, really, especially Frankie. They’d been playing together the longest and saw the best and worst of each other. It was fun, for him to watch his friend watch you. When you puckered your lips to suck a bead of water off your finger, Frankie’s jaw twitched. Like he was thinking of tilting his cheek towards you as you leaned in to kiss it – and Santi grinned, the gears in his mind turning.

For being as confused and awkward as you were before, it was crazy how well you fit.

Frankie liked your laugh, easy and pure, and the glint in your eyes when someone said something clever. He liked how friendly you were, even to Tom, and how you treated them like people. You never once stepped into the role of flirtatiously asking about the sport – or about being professional athletes all, and it was a breath of fresh air. Most outsiders would have their fingers tracing the curves of the muscles on Pope's arm as they asked him about pitching or would be tugging down the necklines of their shirts as they tried to be subtle about salaries. He liked how you talked about the food, asked them what they were up to that day, and actually listened when they answered. It was graceful, more that even Ironhead’s throw, how you managed to give each one of them attention, without controlling the conversation.

What Frankie liked best of all, though, was when yours eyes would meet his. They were narrow with laughter, and it was almost as if he were an hour away from know exactly what you were thinking. You’d lean towards him, just a hair, and under the thrum of conversations you would tell him little things, jokes or confessions like you were the best of friends.

When you murmured, “I actually don’t know anything about baseball,” he choked on his drink again, mind filled with unreachable moments. The boys were laughing at him, but he ignored it because they hadn’t heard you and... he could almost feel it – you against his chest as he showed how to swing a bat, your hand in his as he leaned in close, explaining, and him spinning you around in a victory hug.

All too soon the plates were being cleared and everyone was arguing over who should be paying. It made them smile, how earnestly you were offering, but there was no way in hell. 

You thanked them all verbally, but when Santi ended up paying, he got a quick peck on the cheek and that sharp feeling in Frankie’s gut returned with force.

As you left, before they could walk you out, you cherished the experience like a drop of honey on your tongue, confident this was a once in a life time thing, and excited to tell James about it. Of course you had texted him – he was the one who told you if you didn’t sit with them he’d never forgive you.

Then men behind you continued to talk, each silently thinking of their own reasons for being sure they’d see you again soon.

And when you walked past the window by the corner on the way to your car, a pair of deep brown eyes found yours through the glass. You waved, goodbye, and this time, the ache in your heart was aligned with the ache in his.

Thank goodness that old classmate never showed up.

<<

taglist:

@fangirl-316 @scribbledghost @writeforfandoms 

hey batter batter taglist:

@icanbeyourjedi

[waithyuck]

smile

***part of the nct almost collab by @hyucksie***

pairing: zhong chenle x reader (f)

genre: ANGST, a single grain of fluff

word count: 7k

warnings: swearing, depictions of depression, overall sadness, frustration/anger, the reader is sort of obsessed with chenle, heartbreak, descriptions of a panic attack + anxiety, chenle becomes an ass :/, forced kissing, hyuck is a good friend :)

a/n: my piece for the ALMOST collab! I hope you all enjoy this mess of feelings 🥴 idk if this is actually good or not but I think I’m happy with the way it turned out ??? idk anyway enjoy lmao

———

Ever since you could remember, you’ve had a crush on Chenle.

Literally ever since you could remember, considering he’s been in your life since you were five years old.

Classic boy next door trope, you could say.

You attended the same school and even shared classes together throughout your elementary and middle school years. High school obviously had a lot more freedom, giving you the opportunity to pick and choose classes that suited your interests. naturally, that pulled the two of you apart in a certain sense.

You could recall one instance in the very beginning of your freshman year where you caught Chenle and some random girl kissing behind the bleachers. It tore you apart inside, so young a fragile at the time, but you threw on a smile like you always tended to do, and let out a quick and airy apology before running off into the safety of Donghyuck’s arms.

Nonetheless, you and Chenle were pretty damn close; kind of like those best friends you see in books or stories...except that in fiction they usually end up together, and you and Chenle, well...haven’t yet.

You still had hope though, that maybe he felt the same way you did for him. You held onto that hope and cherished it, considering it was the only reason you could get up and face the world on most days.

Yeah, you knew it was pathetic. at least you could acknowledge the fact that relying on feelings from a boy you liked was incredibly stupid, but hey, you had the brain of a senior in high school.

Anyway, you and Chenle were very friendly toward each other, and of course you would talk to each other out your individual windows sometimes late at night, but it wasn’t like those stories people read online. You were simply really good friends; nothing like brother and sister, but certainly not anything more than just friends.

You’d say you probably know more about Chenle than most; besides your shared friends Donghyuck (who was already in university, and your closest friend next to Chenle) and Jisung (who was just a tad bit younger and too shy to really hold a conversation with you). You paid close attention to him because, well, who doesn’t want to know everything about the person they’re crushing on?

Even so, it was definitely a given that Chenle was extremely passionate about his schoolwork and his future career. This kid wanted to be the ‘best lawyer the world has ever seen’, according to himself. You were always supportive of him, egging him on when the workload got to him and assuring him that everything would be okay in the end, even when he was exhausted from all his extracurricular activities and volunteering. Chenle seriously seemed like he would work himself to death.

You never really fully processed what him being passionate about his future would mean for you, and how it would affect your relationship and friendship with him. You didn’t even know that he applied to universities at all (since he didn’t tell you and you were kind of oblivious, to be honest), let alone which ones he strived for.

Fast forward to the present, it was currently the middle of November and school was going full swing, your senior year of high school passing by like a breeze. You were currently hanging out with Donghyuck, who was in town for the weekend from his university in the next city over. It was always nice to see him, his presence always putting a smile on your face.

You both sat at a window seat in the middle of a fairly busy restaurant, joking with each other and picking at your food lightly as you conversed. It grew silent for a moment, your chuckles dying down from some stupid attempt at a joke by Hyuck, before he broke it.

“Did you hear that Chenle got into Harvard?” Donghyuck absentmindedly spoke quietly, picking at the salad seated in front of him on the restaurant table. “Full fucking ride.” He didn’t even look up to meet your now bulging eyes.

Your blood ran ice cold as your heart began to seemingly stop beating, freezing just like your veins.

“He what?” you practically screeched, causing the boy across from you to jump slightly.

Hyuck looked at you then, his cheeks filled with food as he grasped his chest dramatically.

“Uh yeah?” he replied like it was obvious. “He’s really passionate about his career choice, you know.”

“Of course I know!” you shrieked at him, your hands going up to pull at your hair exasperatedly. You chewed your lip, your heart pounding and squeezing in your chest at the notion of Chenle’s inevitable departure from your life. “What, you think I wouldn’t know that the boy I’ve known since I was a LITERAL CHILD, isn’t passionate about his future?!”

Donghyuck was now looking around the both of you, taking notice of the strangers who were now staring at your visibly panicked form.

“Y/N, calm down, please–“

“I’m calm! I’m perfectly fine! ahah,” you chewed on your nails frantically as you tried to quiet your mouth and your mind, your leg shaking nonstop under the table, causing the silverware to shake.

You distracted yourself by looking out the window to your immediate left, trying to watch the people walk by like it was some sort of therapy for your bustling thoughts.

“Why didn’t he tell us he was applying to–“ you cut yourself off quietly, stopping your question short. ”...How does he know already?” you asked, your voice small.

“Early action or some shit, I guess.”

It was quiet for a few minutes between you both; Hyuck continued to munch on his salad and you could feel his eye warily watching you as you chewed your nails to nubs.

“...Are you okay?” he finally questioned, his voice comforting as he pulled you from out of your own head.

“Just,” you bit your lip, your eyes spaced out as you stared down at the floor. “Why couldn’t he have picked a school around here?” Your voice was small and quiet, and you could hear the boy across from you sigh. “Why couldn’t he just do that, like you?”

He didn’t really say anything then, picking up the fact that those were most definitely rhetorical questions. You didn’t touch any more of your food, your stomach tied up in knots, making you feel sick.

“Y/N...”

You didn’t look at him, your face hot with embarrassment from how much pain your heart was actually feeling at the news that Chenle, the boy you have loved for years, would be leaving you.

“He’s really excited about this...you…” he trailed off, trying to pick his next words carefully. “You need to show him some support, even though I know it hurts you.”

You knew that deep down, Hyuck was absolutely right. What kind of friend would you be if you were selfish and kept yourself wrapped up in your own feelings? You sniffled and picked your head back up, finally looking at him.

“You’re right. you are absolutely right.” you finally breathed out, trying to slowly calm your aching anxiety. “Just like always, Hyuck.” You cracked a slight smile then, and he returned it, seeming relieved that you snapped out of your panic, even if it was just a little bit.

“At least you can acknowledge it, angel.” He sent you a wink along with the pet name, and you jokingly gagged, which caused the both of you to laugh.

With the mood seemingly lifted, you were able to enjoy the rest of your time with Donghyuck, even if the anxiety of Chenle leaving was still a heavy presence in the back of your reeling mind.

——

That same night, you laid yourself across your pillows and stared up at the ceiling, not even bothering to change out of your slightly uncomfortable jeans. The lights were on and all was quiet as you laid trapped in your own thoughts, the inevitable scene of your crush of many, many years leaving replaying on loop inside your head.

You tried to distract yourself by working on some miscellaneous homework assignments, trying to get your work done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

You were just getting in the flow of writing a rough draft for an essay when you heard your mother yell up the steps at you.

“Y/N!” she called, startling you. when you replied with a ‘Yeah?’ she continued, “Chenle is here, I’m sending him up!”

Your heart jumped and you quickly shot up from your bed, trying to get rid of any clothes strewn around your floor to at least make your room somewhat presentable. As you slammed the hamper lid shut, you heard a small knock on the door before Chenle let himself in, already beaming at you.

“Y/N, I have some awesome news!” he immediately spoke, shutting the door behind him. You will yourself not to let your heart sink, already knowing what he wanted to share with you he reached behind him to grab his book bag, and once it was in his grasp he set it on the floor, taking a seat beside you on your bed.

You tried not to let your heart race as his shoulder brushed against yours, and you tried to convert up your nerves by giving him a smile in return. Chenle rummaged through his back before angrily grunting, turning to face you.

“I left something at home that I wanted to show you, shit,” he murmured, his hand coming up to swipe over his face. “I can go grab it real quick–“

“Let’s just go to your room, it’s literally right across. We can climb,” you suggested, wanting to escape the suffocating warmth of your own bedroom. Plus, you were always more comfortable sitting on his mattress anyway. “It’ll be fun, like when we were younger.”

You two both grinned at each other then, Chenle nodding his head in compliance as you both stood, preparing yourselves for the leap out of your bedroom window.

You didn’t bother with a jacket; you were only going to be out in the cold for about five minutes tops, anyway. You allowed him to go first, his body jumping out and landing on the roof of your shed with ease. You quickly followed suit, landing a little rough but still in one piece, nonetheless.

He generously offered to prop you up first so you could skillfully open his window from the outside, which you gladly accepted with a smirk on your lips.

“You’re the best at it.” he replied, slightly whining at your smug reaction. “Always have been. For some reason I can never get it open!!”

You ignored him after that, focusing on keeping your balance on his shoulders while you lifted the window open, pulling yourself up on the sill and throwing yourself inside with a dull thud. You heard the scrapings of Chenle making his way up the side of his house, and he toppled in not long after you.

“I’m definitely never doing that again,” he panted, laying flat on his back on the floor for a few moments. You stared back at him from his bed, giggling at his heavily rising and falling chest. “Maybe not never...but not again anytime soon, that’s for sure.”

He managed to pull himself up from the carpet, dusting off his pants and shrugging off his coat before joining you on the bed. He pulled a piece of paper from his nightstand, and your heart began to pound with untamed anxiety.

“This,” he started, his eyes sparkling as he looked at the piece of paper before looking back at you. “is my acceptance letter to Harvard. I got in, Y/N!!!”

Chenle was so excited, and you couldn’t help but swoon at the absolute elation in his eyes as he went on about what he was accepted for and even what the letter said.

You, of course, didn’t tell him that you already knew, courtesy of Donghyuck. If you would have known that Chenle applied to Harvard, you would have had no doubts from the very beginning that he would get in.

Maybe he didn’t tell anyone just in case he wasn’t accepted, and if no one knew then there would be no one to disappoint.

You knew that no matter what, you could never ever be disappointed in Chenle. He was too smart and too good to ever be thought of in that way.

All you could do was smile and smile some more as he went on, barely breathing before he finally took a short pause. His eyes fell down to look at his denim covered legs, and he bit his lip as you watched him in the sudden quiet of his room.

It didn’t last very long, and he took a deep breath before breaking the short silence.

“They want me to fly out there as soon as possible,” he finally spoke, looking up at you from where his gaze was previously on his lap. “I talked to our school, and they’re willing to let me graduate early. I have all my credits, which is really cool.”

Chenle seemed excited, but he spoke softly, as if he knew how hard this news was for you to hear. You surprised yourself at how composed you were acting, despite the jabbing pain you felt in your heart with every word that passed through his lips.

“That’s great,” you commented, a tight smile lining your face, your voice so close to breaking. “When do you leave?”

A question you didn’t really want the answer to. You didn’t want him to leave at all, and gaining the knowledge of a deadline wouldn’t ease your aching heart any.

He shuffled on the bed, pulling his legs up to sit fully on the mattress facing you. He clasped his hands together and sighed, his bleached blonde hair falling into his eyes.

“The end of December, right before new years,” he chewed on the inside of his cheek, his eyes trying to gauge your reaction, even though you weren’t really giving him anything to work with.

That was really soon…

“Wait, but that’s before our semester ends—“

“I know.” he cut you off, smiling brightly. “Like I said, the school is alright with this all happening. They’re really happy for me.”

You sighed, nodding in understanding. It was silent for a moment once more between the two of you; only the sounds of distant cars driving down the otherwise quiet street could be heard for a few moments.

“I just want you to know that I’m really happy for you too, Chenle.” you softly spoke, your hand reaching out to boldly cover his own sitting on the bed in front of you. He stared down at your now touching fingers, but didn’t move to pull away from your warmth.

“Thank you,” he smiled, surprising you by taking your hand in his own and squeezing it, taking your contact with each other a step further. “It means a lot coming from you.”

“Does my approval matter to you?” you questioned, not able to keep it from slipping past your lips. His eyebrows quirked up and he tilted his head a little, looking away briefly before making eye contact once again.

“Yeah, I guess it does.” he replied. “I never really thought about it before, but now that you brought it up...it really does, so thank you.”

You stared at each other then, your lips parted and dry, your brain not sure what to say to him in response. Your heart was hammering in your chest and your ears were consumed with the rhythmic beating and blood rushing happening within your own body.

His brown eyes and dyed blonde hair captivated you and your tongue felt like sandpaper inside your mouth. he looked like he was fighting with himself in a way; restricting his body from moving closer to your own as you sat there in the silence of his room. Your body seemed to mechanically move on its own as it scooted closer to him, your fingers tightening around his as you situated yourself against his body, your face now just next to his. His eyes flicked down to your lips before moving back to your wide eyes, and you felt your stomach jump in anticipation.

Before either of you could do anything, a loud bang came from outside of his bedroom door, followed by a yell from his mother.

You sprung away from each other and you immediately shot up from his bed, already sprinting to his open window from which you came in from. Chenle stood as well, looking between you and the locked door that held his mother back.

“I’ll see you at school.” you hurriedly whispered, taking one more glance at his red cheeks before leaping out the window and down onto the grass below.

You climbed your way up to your own open bedroom window, using the shed and throwing yourself inside quickly before shutting it and closing the curtains. Once you were sure everything was locked and the lights were all off, you slammed yourself down onto your mattress, shoved your face into your pillows, and screamed.

——

“Can we go for a walk around the neighborhood? I want to see all the Christmas lights before people start taking them down.” Chenle spoke through the speaker on your phone, his face not in view on the screen as you FaceTimed each other. You heard shuffling on his end as you focused your attention on your laptop screen, mindlessly shopping online for random things to keep your mind off of the fact that Chenle was leaving in just three days.

The few weeks you had with him passed by like a blur, and you both tried to spend as much time together as possible. Between having to spend time with your family and other friends, it wasn’t as much as you would have liked it to have been.

“Yeah, sure.” you mumbled, closing the laptop on your bed with a soft clack. “Meet you outside in fifteen?”

“Make it ten.” he replied with a smile in his voice, before hanging up.

You sighed heavily before putting your coat on, bundling yourself up for the bite of the cold outside. It was bitterly freezing, and you knew without your whole winter ensemble that you wouldn’t be able to feel your fingers within two seconds flat of being out there.

Fumbling with the buttons and zipper on your coat, you managed to make it outside in seven minutes even, meeting him on the sidewalk just down your driveway.

“Wow, not late for once.” he commented, nudging your shoulder as the two of your began to walk in sync down your brightly lit street.

“Knock it off, I can be on time when I try hard enough.” You rolled your eyes playfully at him, a hint of a smile gracing your lips as you began to take in the beautiful lights around you.

Christmas truly was a beautiful time of year; not just for the holiday itself, because not everyone celebrated it obviously, but for the decorations and the sense of home and warmth.

Chenle and yourself both kept relatively quiet as you walked on, only making noise when you wanted to get each other’s attention to point out certain decorations on some houses. It was rather peaceful, and your heart was swelling with warmth in adoration as you looked to admire his face, which was illuminated by the colorful Christmas lights surrounding you.

Your stomach jolted slightly. This may be the last time you see him for a while. You didn’t mean for the intrusive thought of his absence to wiggle its way into your mind, but it was too late to fight it off.

‘I should just confess’, you thought, now nervously picking at your nails, and chewing your lip to bits. ‘There may not be another chance like this, not for a while.’

It was selfish...but it was now or never.

Too shy to actually confess your feelings first—and thinking back to certain moments that you’ve shared with Chenle to come to this conclusion—you decided to take a different approach.

Get him to confess first.

“I need to ask you something,” you blurted out, your brain scolding your mouth silently for being so goddamn reckless in a moment of weakness.

Maybe this was a bad idea...

Chenle quirked his eyebrow up at you before stopping, turning to face you entirely.

“What’s up?” he replied, his hands stuffed deeply in his pockets in a desperate attempt to keep them warm. His nose was red from the chill in the air and his lips were the same shade from him biting them, the sheen of his chapstick almost completely gone now. His eyes were glassy from the wind blowing and even though his cheeks were blotched in crimson, you thought this was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

You couldn’t do this. Fuck, you really couldn’t do this. Why did you have to open your big, stupid mouth—

“Hey Y/N? Are you in there?” he suddenly broke you from your own thoughts, causing you to jump a little in your boots. “What did you wanna ask me?”

“Uh,” Quick, think of something dumb! “You know, why is perfume so damn expensive?”

You wanted to throw yourself into a frozen lake at this point, as you watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Uhm, I don’t know,” he bit his lip for about the hundredth time since you started your walk. “Ingredients maybe? Higher end perfumes probably have stuff in them that are more hard to come by, so that’s probably wh—“

“Do you like me?” you interrupted him loudly, squeezing your eyes shut as you practically belted out your original question.

He seemingly froze in front of you, and definitely not from the cold air whipping around your bodies as the wind harshly blew.

“Do I...like you.” he repeated back, formed as a statement more than a question. “Like...as in romantically?”

You didn’t even have to nod for him to know what you meant; the look in your eyes told him enough. The pleading, glassy look as hope swirled beneath your irises, just absolutely begging him to say that yes, he did like you in the way that you liked him.

“Yes,” you confirmed audibly anyway, heat flickering throughout your entire face. “You know, b-because I think before we almost kissed in your room that one time not too long ago, and we’ve been more touchy lately—“ you would have continued on your panicked rambling if he hadn’t cut you off, beginning to speak solemnly.

“Y/N...I..” he started, shaking his head as he tried to get his thoughts straight. “I do. I really do,” your heart jumped at his confession, and you allowed it to spread in your body like wildfire. It didn’t get very far, because he continued to speak. “but I...I can’t.”

You visibly deflated; your heart shattered like glass and everything colorful around you seemed to fade into a greyscale, the holiday lights surrounding the two of you no longer sparking any kind of joy. “This scholarship...my future...it’s important to me. I can’t let anything stop me, I’m so sorry…”

“Chenle...” you whimpered, stepping closer to him boldly, unsure of how to properly express your feelings to him at this point. You dared to breach his personal space, and he watched your every move with those same, glossy brown eyes that you adored every day for so many years.

You tilted your head, your lips ghosting over his own as he let out shaky breaths, yours matching his as you stood together in the cold.

His lips were right there. unmoving, as he didn’t pull away from you. If your leaned forward just a little more...almost….almostalmostalmost—so close—

“Y/N, stop.” he suddenly muttered, pulling you out of your trance. His head drew back as he stepped away, still in your reach but far enough to where your lips weren’t brushing against each other’s anymore.

You gritted your teeth at the rejected feeling that bubbles up inside you, the tears welling your eyes before spilling hotly down your frozen cheeks.

“I love you, Chenle.” you cried, gripping the rough material of his jean jacket. The darkness of the night could have hidden your tears if it weren’t for the moonlight blaring down on the two of you like a spotlight. “Please, I love you.”

He looked like he was trying to hold himself together, his lips set in a straight line as he looked away from you, his hands hovering over your wrists. Chenle gripped them suddenly, not hard, but with enough force to get you to pay attention.

“I love you too, Y/N.” he finally admitted, his voice quiet as he tried to restrain his emotions. “But I can’t pass this up. I just can’t.”

You should have forced yourself to understand. This was his life, for fucks sake. You shouldn’t have let yourself feel selfish, thinking that he would drop everything to stay here. With you.

“We can’t be together. I’m sorry.” he finished with that, slowly dropping your wrists from his hold. “If I…” he swallowed thickly. “If I let you kiss me, I know I wouldn’t be able to leave. I know it.”

He took in your figure at last, watching as your tears fell freely from your eyes in hot rivers down your already stained cheeks.

“Look, maybe someday this would work...but just, not now.” he sounded exasperated, running a hand through his hair. “Your life is here, and my life will be starting there. I’ll be busy constantly and it just...won’t be fair. It really won’t, you have to understand, Y/N.”

He watched as your hands shook when you lifted them to wipe your face, solemnly nodding in acknowledgement to his words.

“Okay.” you croaked, not meeting his eyes as you turned to walk away, leaving him in the middle of the park you used to play at when you were kids.

You weren’t going to put up a fight. You weren’t going to plead with him anymore. You were going to try your absolute hardest to stop yourself from being selfish in that way.

You were just going to have to live with that fact that you couldn’t have him right now. That you almost could have had him.

Almost.

——

Chenle faded out of your life like he wasn’t even present in the first place. You barely heard from him after he left; there would be miscellaneous texts here and there but overall, he was right in the end. He was really always busy.

His school workload was heavy, and you were aware of that, but a selfish part of you always seemed to get angry at him for not responding to you.

The worst part was not knowing whether he wanted to reach out to you at all.

He didn’t come home during summer break, which broke your heart a little bit. Donghyuck tried his best to be there for you as you went through the motions; you were constantly miserable at the reality that you most likely would never call Chenle your own.

Chenle didn’t keep in contact much with Hyuck or Jisung either, seemingly leaving you all in the dust as he went about his new life away from you. His parents talked to him all the time obviously, and your own mother would dawdle on about something that Chenle achieved at school to you, but you’ve come to pretty much ignore everything that had to do with him.

You went about getting your own education, passing your classes by the skin of your teeth during the first semester and then producing the same results during the semester after that.

You really couldn’t blame yourself for feeling so utterly heartbroken; you were in love with that boy for most of your life, and for him to suddenly rip himself away from you like that was wholeheartedly agonizing.

Chenle rarely ever came home; he did briefly for Christmas, but then hurriedly left immediately after, not even staying for the full duration of his break.

You actually ran into him by accident one day while he was still home, but you didn’t stay in his presence very long before wanting to go to the safety of your bedroom and cry.

“Did you even miss me?” you whimpered out, exhausted after your small talk had turned into a bit of an argument. He sighed heavily, frustrated no doubt. you could hear it in his voice as he spoke to you.

“What do you want me say, Y/N?” he countered, scoffing at you as you held back the pain you felt burning behind your eyes, desperate to cry. “I haven’t even had the time to miss anyone, let alone you.”

You stood in silence for a moment, baffled at his dismissive attitude of it all. It’s like he didn’t even remember that he told you he liked you too all those months ago.

“You...” your voice cracked a little, and you looked away from him. “Did you even try, Chenle? Did you even try to find the time to talk to me?”

He didn’t say anything back, only staring at you before tearing his eyes away, his jaw locked. You felt as if you already knew the answer.

You turned to leave, but felt his hand immediately circle around your arm, roughly pulling you back to face him. Taking one look at his face, you knew he was angry.

“Do you know how much it hurt, Y/N?” he barked out, making you flinch back slightly. “Do you know how much it hurt to leave you? I–“ he cut himself off as his voice cracked, turning his head away and swallowing heavily before continuing. “I wanted to, so bad Y/N. You have no idea.”

Your lips parted in shock, and you had a million things you wanted to say, but you managed to keep it all inside as he went on.

“But I had to control myself. I already came to terms with the fact that this,” he gestured between the two of you, “wasn't going to ever work out. I figured that out a long time ago... I had to distance myself from you, I’m sorry.”

You really didn’t want to accept that apology. You really really didn’t. Your anger was swirling inside you, a typhoon of emotions building and building as you stared back into his now cold brown eyes. To you, they used to be so full of warmth and friendliness, and now they looked distant and unentertained, like he didn’t want to be here in the first place.

That hurt like a bitch.

You scoffed at him, making his eyebrows raise in confusion before they furrowed, his eyes narrowed at you.

Yeah, you were probably being a bitch for not accepting his apology, and all of this was turning out to be super petty, but you felt like he deserved it just a little bit.

Deep down you knew he had a point; his reasoning was valid and it all made sense, but when did having feelings for someone like you had for him ever lead to rational decision making?

“You know, Chenle,” you started, shoving your hands in your pockets roughly to shield them from the cold. “I really thought that we could still be friends after all the bullshit, I really did.” He watched you carefully as you practically spat forth those words, venom dripping in your tone. “But then you went and messed it all up.”

You probably shouldn’t have added that last part; playing the blame game never worked in anyone’s favor in the end, but your emotions once again got the best of you.

Smoke practically blew out his ears as his mouth parted in shock. Your heart dropped when you heard the sound of sarcastic laughter falling out of his mouth, knowing full well that you fucked up this time.

“I messed it up? Me??” He was pointing to his own chest for emphasis, and you had the audacity to give him a quick nod. “Ahah, wow Y/N, that’s really rich coming from you.”

You didn’t even have a second to get a word in before he crowded your space, so close that your chests were touching. You drew in a sharp breath, not sure what in the hell he was doing right now.

“You were the one that was practically begging me to kiss you that night, remember? You were trying so hard,” he spat, so close to your face now that you couldn’t even feel the cold nipping at your cheeks anymore (whether it be from the embarrassment lacing through your veins or the extensive heat from his body, you weren’t sure).

You couldn’t think of anything to say in response; all you knew was that he was dishing out pretty low blows, and each word was like a knife being plunged into your chest.

“Like, how desperate are you?” he added in, now moving his hands to grip your waist, making you squeak in surprise. “You want a kiss so bad? Get fucking ready.”

You weren’t sure what he meant and your brain was having such a hard time comprehending anything going on in that moment, the pressure of his hands gripping your waist making all thoughts fly out of your head besides one.

Him.

“Wait, Chenle–“ you placed a hand on his chest to try to push him away, unsure of how you felt about this situation.

“What, you don’t want it now?” his voice was borderline malicious as he spoke to you now, making you feel incredibly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

“No I–“

“You come to me and give me all that bullshit, and now when I’m trying to give you something that you wanted,” his grip grew tighter. “you don’t want it anymore? Make up your damn mind, Y/N.”

You did want it. There was still a huge part of you that screamed at you to just let it happen, but you knew it would be wrong. So fucking wrong. He wasn’t doing this because he wanted to; he was doing this because he wanted all this to end right here.

You were scared. He was scaring you with the way he was acting right now.

“Chenle, please—“

“Just shut up.”

Chenle didn’t allow you to get another word in before he crashed his lips against yours, roughly pressing his against your own so abruptly that you felt your teeth pierce the inside of yours. You tasted blood, but it wasn’t the first thing on your mind at the moment; Chenle moved his mouth against yours aggressively and without any emotion besides anger behind it, and you absolutely hated it.

Sure, it felt nice to finally get what you wanted, but in a way, you definitely were not. This isn’t what you wanted at all. You wanted to love him and you wanted him to love you...and you wanted it to feel nice.

His hands slid down to your hips and your stomach jumped in surprise as you tried desperately to match his pace to at least kiss him back a little bit. It didn’t last long, and with a strong push on your hips he effectively pulled away, your body stumbling back from the force of his shove.

His lips were red and puffy and his eyes were dark as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, panting slightly. You probably looked somewhat the same, but didn’t even move from where you stood as he stared at you. You felt your eyes become glassy from staring into space too long, and you felt your hands shake, but most definitely not from the cold.

“There’s your fucking kiss.” He finally said, taking two steps back. “Goodbye, Y/N.”

You didn’t even watch him walk back into his house. You ran as fast as you could back into your own home and immediately slammed the front door shut behind you, darting up the stairs without a single word.

You barged into your bedroom and without even removing your winter garments, you threw yourself down onto your mattress for what seemed like the millionth time in the last year, and began to sob.

——

Chenle’s parents said that he had commitments at the school, some sort of research or whatever, and that’s why he couldn’t stay home long. At the time, all you really thought was ‘good riddance’, but you knew that your heart would be back to obsessing over him in no time, even after what had happened between the two of you on the day you try so hard not to remember.

Well, at least he was flourishing at school.

When Donghyuck found out what had happened between you and Chenle during the time he was home from university, he was ready to kill someone. That someone being Chenle.

“He did what to you?!” Donghyuck screamed over the phone, causing you to pull it from your ear from the sheer volume of his screeching. “I’ll kill him, Y/N. I swear I’ll fucking kill that kid.”

“No need, Hyuckie. It’s not that big of a deal.” you replied somberly, sighing as you relaxed on your mattress against your pillows.

“Not a big deal??? Angel, he basically forced that shit on you,” Hyuck was speaking softly to you now, a stark contrast to his yelling from a few moments prior. “You should be furious at him. You need to tell someone—“

“I’m not mad,” you replied quietly, chewing on your bottom lip. “A part of me wanted that to happen, Hyuck. It just…” your voice trailed off, your brain trying to think of the right words to say. “Wasn’t what I was expecting, is all.”

The line was quiet and you weren’t sure what to say next, and Donghyuck must have felt the same. It was a really fucked up situation, you had to admit.

“I think I…” your voice sounded broken, but you continued. “I think I still love him.” The words came out as a whisper and they surprised even yourself, not expecting to admit such a thing after all that has happened.

“Oh, angel…” was all Donghyuck replied with before you quickly made up some lame excuse to hang up the call with him. You hurriedly pressed the ‘end call’ button and threw yourself back on the bed, spacing out once again just like you always do.

You managed to bear with not seeing or talking to Chenle after the incident (a huge part of you didn’t want to, after hearing what he had to say and also what he did during Christmas break), but when you stumbled across a post of his one night a couple months after while scrolling through Instagram, it had your heart shattering completely.

“What the fuck,” you whimpered, already struggling to hold back tears as your watery eyes stared daggers at the photo displayed on your screen. “What. The. Fuck?” you said it louder this time, with more malice, and you threw your phone across your bed to get it away from you.

Chenle had posted a photo of himself and another girl, kissing each other while snow fell in some random park you didn’t give a fuck about. He found someone else. He fell for someone else.

The hypocrisy.....he didn’t want to be with you because he wanted to focus on school, but then he goes and starts up a relationship with someone else anyway?

Maybe he did it to spite you.

At first, you felt pathetic for crying about it. You tried to muffle your cries in your pillow, holding back the ugly sobs that you so desperately wanted to let out. You silently cried, your heart aching and your lungs gasping for air as you fought the pain in the dark pit inside your chest.

You began to grow angry after a while, your thoughts spinning wildly out of control as your chest heaved, your nails digging into your sheets to keep yourself from clawing at your own burning throat.

You screamed.

You screamed and screamed and cried until there was nothing left inside you. You needed to let out the festering hatred you had grown for him since he left over a year ago. It was ugly and it was cacophonous, but you didn’t care anymore.

Your parents were luckily out, and you didn’t give a fuck about your neighbors. You poured out every raw emotion you felt until you sensed yourself beginning to calm; your chest no longer rose and fell like you had been running a marathon, your heartbeat quieted to a low thrum in your ears instead of a pounding drum, and your muscles relaxed, allowing you to lie down flat against your mattress.

Your pillow was soaked through with tears and your head was thumping, like your brain was smashing a baseball bat to the inside of your skull. You breathed in, five long seconds, and breathed out, seven seconds more, before bathing in the quiet of your room.

Your phoned buzzed from the end of your bed, and you hesitantly picked your head up, sliding to sit and reach for it tentatively.

It was a text message.

From: donghyuckie :P

hey, saw chenle’s post. ice cream in 20? I’ll pick you up

You smiled, surprising yourself entirely, as if you weren’t just screaming your head off just five minutes ago. You were incredibly happy to have such a good friend in your life, immediately knowing what you needed when you needed it. You were quick to reply.

To: donghyuckie :P

sounds good, I’ll see you then :)

You smiled again, and didn’t stop the whole night, Donghyuck's presence always comforting and joyful.

You would be okay, you knew you would. All you had to do was just live your own life, forget about Chenle, and be happy...always with a smile.

[mageofseven]

Thank you both for requesting! I was originally gonna split this up into two posts, one for a good ending and one for a bad ending, but I think I found a way to keep both within this post with how I decided to format it. However, while I was writing Satan's section, I hit the word limit for a post. I didn't even realize that was a thing 😳

Basically, that's why this ask is still gonna be separated into multiple parts, likely 3 but we'll see. I honestly didn't think I'd write this much, but this ask got me so inspired, it's crazy.

So everyone! This is gonna continue off from the pregnancy discovered in this post. If you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a read.

Below is Lucifer, Mammon, and Levi's sections.

Part 2 | Part 3

~

Lucifer:

The man thought he was prepared. He thought.

Lucifer expected all different kinds of physical ailments that he would have to help MC cope through; he didn't expect the ailments to be mental.

He noticed it start around her fourth month. Before that point, the demon was surprised at how calm things were. His Love went through the usual struggles of human pregnancy, like the morning sickness in the first trimester, but that was all. Nothing odd had happened and though he was grateful, Lucifer was also suspicious.

The start was subtle. His Love's spirits had been seeming down, despite keeping a cheerful outlook for all the weeks before this. She was happy for this child and it was infectious, easing the Avatar of Pride's worry about fatherhood and making him look forward to this child as well.

That was shattered when the low spirit had suddenly progressed into a heavy depression. MC couldn't even leave their bed most days and getting her to eat had become a challenge for the first brother.

He simply couldn't understand the sudden nose dive in mood and any questioning came up empty. MC didn't know why she felt what she felt and that scared her.

It was the end of that month when the fear really set in though.

Lucifer had a meeting with Diavolo at the castle. He had laid in bed and cuddled his girlfriend close beforehand, giving her a kiss and promising he'd be back in a couple hours.

He had only been gone for 10 minutes when he got a call from Mammon, who was freaking out. The older brother couldn't fully make out what the second brother was saying, but he heard his Love's name in jumble that was his brother's words so he hung up and rushed back home.

Discovered all six of his brothers in his room, trying to calm a panicked MC, who was screaming and crying on the floor.

The demon rushed to her side, trying to calm her down and figure out just what was happening. His Love clung to him and he could feel the her heart beating as if it meant to break free from her chest and the man felt powerless.

Luckily, it only took about a minute of being in his arms for the woman to stop screaming. She cried in his arms for a while and slowly, her heart beat settled.

Lucifer was so confused. What happened and why? The man shooed his brothers out of the room before carrying his Love back to the bed.

Discovers that after he left, an uneasiness set in that quickly turned into blind panic. The woman didn't even notice the brothers or hear any of their attempts to calm her.

To say that the demon was concerned would be an understatement. He had to convene with Diavolo at once for a new reason.

The man laid with his girlfriend till she fell asleep, exhausted from her previous panic.

Lucifer called his friend and apologized for his absence before explaining the situation. Lord Diavolo, now concerned as well, decided to come to House of Lamentation instead.

The two discussed the issue in his study. The lord listened to his friend's predicament before explaining that this was likely a side affect of MC's angel heritage.

Right now, their baby was trying to form its soul along with its body and the demon child needs dark energies to do so. The woman's body is trying to absorb this dark energy for the child, but her repressed angel spirit is trying to repel it all, causing her own body and soul to fight. Her brain is the battle ground.

The reason it triggered in his absence is likely a psychological thing. Lucifer himself, as all demons do, radiate the very dark spiritual energy his child needs so, despite her soul's rejection, her great trust in her boyfriend gives her feelings of safety and has her mind lend support to her body to absorb the energy the baby needs.

To sum it up, his presence is the only thing keeping his girlfriend and child alive right now.

At this news, the man changes up everything about his schedule to stay near MC. He does all his paperwork at the desk in his room instead of in his study, he stops attending RAD the few days a week he still was at that time, made his meetings with Diavolo limited to only the most important work issues and always take place within his study at House of Lamentation. Sometimes he did have to leave her side, like for said meeting or simply because he had to grab food or use the restroom.

During those times, he'd call one of his brothers in to watch her. The demon had discovered that though her trust in them was not as great as it was in him, that trust still provided somewhat of a psychological cushion for her.

However, though their presence prevented full blown panic, it wasn't enough stop her from crying incessantly.

Most of his brothers could not handle her tears so it was usually Beel or Satan that accompanied her during these times.

It was hard for all of the men to watch, Lucifer included. He couldn't help blaming himself, knowing his carelessness had gotten her into this situation. Still, he had to keep it together for her sake.

The months went by and her belly grew. Lucifer missed that excitement he felt in the beginning of all of it when MC glowed with positivity. Now, unlike the times he was smiling and rubbing her belly as the two cuddled and discussed baby names, the emotionally exhausted demon saw it nothing more than a visual timer, reminding him that this will all be over soon.

Good Ending:

After a long nine months of his Love's mental and emotional suffering, the time finally came. It was late at night, around 3am when his Love awoke with labor pains. Lucifer was already awake and at his desk doing paperwork. He immediately called the doctor that Lord Diavolo had recommended for them before approaching his love and trying to calm her. This was it. It will all be over soon and his human will finally be happy once again.

Five and half hours later, the couple was greeted by a beautiful baby girl. The small baby had her mother's hair, her father's red eyes, and a bit surprisingly, her father's black wings. MC cried as she stared down at her daughter; her tears were accompanied by a smile though. A smile. That was enough for Lucifer, who started to tear up at the scene.

"You did so well, Love." He leaned down and kissed his girlfriend's head, staring down at the baby, now drinking from her mama's chest. "I'm so proud of you."

All the days before this were tortuous for the couple, as well as the rest of the House of Lamentation, but finally some happiness was lighting up the household.

The two end up naming their daughter Ksenia.

Bad End:

The demon sighed. He was at his desk, going through paperwork while his Love slept in bed behind him. It was 1am and though that never used to be such a late time for him, these last few months had him exhausted him. His worry and care for his girlfriend took up most of his energy these past few months. MC was already entering her eighth month of pregnancy. The two were just so close to putting this all behind them and being happy. So close.

Lucifer gave a huff and laid his pen down on the desk. His concentration was waning regardless of how much he fought it. He glanced over his shoulder at MC, watching her sleep peacefully. That's the only way she finds peace anymore, by shutting off her mind and losing consciousness. Every waking moment for her is a heavy one and moments she even perceives that she might be alone causes her heart to race in her chest... all she's knows anymore is that pain and sadness yet she pushes on for the sake of their child.

Lucifer stood up and approached the bed, staring down at his Love with a guilty heart. He leaned down and kissed her forehead as he laid his hand on her round belly. There were so many moments during all of this that... he cursed his child for doing this to her. Never aloud, just within the confines of his heart. It was always followed by a reminder that the fault is his own though, not his child's. Their child didn't make any decision nor was it actively trying to hurt their mother. No, this child exists because of him and MC, because of his choices and carelessness. None of the blame truly falls on his child; it falls on himself.

He gave her belly a gentle stroke, a silent apology to the child he felt that he had wronged. Already, he felt that he was making his previous words ring true; he's a terrible father to his child. The night that MC told him she was pregnant, he confessed this fear to her.

"I should have been better. Now what's stopping me from making the same mistakes with our child?"

"Me." She answered, without missing a beat. "Lucifer, you're not alone anymore. This... we can do this together."

He still remembers those words and they roll through his head every time the fear of fatherhood decides to rear its ugly head within his mind. No matter how scared he is on the inside, no matter what happens now, he cannot let himself be engulfed by it all. No. MC needs him now and he refuses to break for her sake.

The demon steps away from the bed and heads towards the door. He shouldn't leave her, he knew that, but sometimes he just had to. It was maddening, confining himself to his room for months on end. Occasionally, and only when his Love is asleep, he allows himself to step away from the room and head downstairs to his office.

Here he sat at his desk, pulling a bottle of demonus from his drawer. It would probably look bad to anyone finding him drinking alone in his office at a time like this, but the man was stressed and he only gave himself the luxury of doing so every two weeks or so.

The man lost track of time while he was down there and before he knew it, the sun was rising. Lucifer sighed before hiding the bottle back in his desk and went back upstairs to join his girlfriend in bed.

Instead, he found her lying on the wooden floor. He raced up, calling her name and pulling her into his arms to better check her.... she was cold. The demon's eyes widened as he checked for a pulse. None... no pulse, no breath...his Love was gone.

Later, he finds out what happened from Barbatos, who checked into the past for him. His Love awoke in a panic after a nightmare to find herself all alone. The usual panic from that compounded with the fear from the nightmare and it was too much for her heart, causing her to have a heart attack. No one heard her because her last moments were filled with her desperately trying to mute herself because she didn't want him or his brothers to hear and burden them with herself once more.

Lucifer was completely torn about this. In the space of a couple hours, he lost both his girlfriend and his daughter (Barbatos told him) because he left his room at the worst opportunity and because he didn't know she felt that way. The emotionally exhausted man never knew she saw herself as a burden. It never occurred to him that she could actually have believed such a ridiculous thing. But he should have. He should have spoke out more. As many times as he told he loved her, as many times as he told her everything would be okay, he never told her specifically that it was okay to lean on him because he didn't know that she needed to hear that.

And now they're gone. And now Lucifer has to live with feeling like he was both a bad father and a bad boyfriend.

Mammon:

It all started off pretty simple in theory: morning sickness

MC's morning sickness was strong and unfortunately, didn't just happen in the mornings.

The two had to skip a lot of school days at RAD. Lucifer allowed this, but had a hell of a time negotiating with their teachers, especially Mammon's, so they aren't penalized too much for this.

MC really couldn't eat breakfast. Or lunch for that matter. If she tried, she'd end up puking it up before even finishing the meal.

She could eat dinner, but it had to be something pretty light for her stomach.

It became so much more complicated as the pregnancy progressed.

Morning sickness usually ended during the first trimester, but it never actually stopped for MC. In fact, the farther she got into her pregnancy, the less her body could keep down.

This freaked Mammon out and he kept running to Lucifer, asking if there's something, anything he can do to help this.

For a while, all he could do was comfort his weakened human... but it was hard.

During her sixth month, it was hard to even look at MC some days because, despite being pregnant and her belly sticking out, the woman had actually lost weight since becoming pregnant; other than her growing belly, she was all skin and bones. Her legs, arms, even her face, all boney and sunken. She started to look as if the life was being sucked out her.

Somehow, the human stayed cheerful. Honestly, her boyfriend didn't understand it; their baby was practically starving her, but she still smiled.

The only time she showed any fear was when she'd tell Mammon how worried she was for their baby; she hadn't felt it kick yet and she was worried it was too weak to do it.

Everytime she spoke this worry, Mammon would hold her close and start rubbing her belly.

"Now, don't go talking like that." He leaned in and laid a kiss to her temple. "Baby is gonna fine."

"But they--"

"But nothin', babe. You know it's a bit on the early side for that anyhow."

"It's early for others to feel something, but I should have felt something before this, a flutter or something but they--"

Tears poured down her cheeks, breaking her man's heart. Mammon froze for a moment before leaning in with a kiss.

"A-Are you sure they'll be okay?" She sniffled, looking up into his eyes.

"Of course, you think I'd lie to you?" He asked before giving her belly a gentle rub. "Look how our kid has grown already! If something went wrong, they wouldn't still be growing, now would they?"

"I... I guess."

Despite everything he said, the Avatar of Greed was scared shitless. What if she was right and something already went wrong? What if he already failed her and his kid? Those thoughts were too much for him though so he did whatever he could to push them aside.

It was during her seventh month when Lucifer discovered a potion she could try, one that could help with the nausea and help her keep more food down.

Mammon had to give it to her every morning, but it helped her keep most of her meals down and regain her strength.

The first few days, they kept her on light meals just in case, but afterwards, she had free reign to eat whatever she craved.

This was when the late night food runs started happening. In all honesty, Mammon never thought he'd be so grateful to be woken up at 2am to get weird food combos like ice cream and beef jerky (MC seemed to have a thing for sweet 'n salty food combos).

Things were finally starting to seem okay; MC was eating, regaining her weight, and just seemed so happy. Not forced positivity, but some real happiness.

Then, around half way done with her 7th month, it happened. MC was sitting in the living room with Mammon and a couple of his brothers she suddenly gasped.

"M-Mammon!"

The man jumped up and rushed to her side. All of the brothers were now standing too, alarmed.

"Shit! What's wrong??"

She grabbed his hand his hand and laid it on her belly. He gave her a confused look for a moment till it happened. A kick! Their baby actually kicked!

MC cried, but also smiled as she saw his face light up.

"Holy-- see! I told you our kid was alright!" He grinned. "Just goes to show that you need to be trusting The Great Mammon more!"

The other brothers settled back down in their seats. Beel actually smiled at the happy couple, grateful that things seem to be turning around for them.

Good Ending:

The rest of the pregnancy went smoothly, thanks to the potion. The couple's worries seemed to disappear for the most part. MC was eating again and healthier; their baby was kicking and seemed pretty lively. There were even nights where the kid kept their mother up (and in turn, their father) with all their kicks and movements, but they were glad to trade sleepless nights for the confirmation that their child was healthy too.

It was her 39 week, just barely missing the nine month mark, when MC went into labor. Mammon panicked in the beginning, causing MC to have to calm him down through her labor pains. The demon eventually got a grip on himself and started helping his girlfriend. After six hours of labor, the couple was greeted with a baby girl, who had her daddy's white hair, her mama's eyes, and surprisingly, two little nubs on her head, which will likely grow into horns just like her dad's. The couple cried along side their bundle of joy. Mammon leaned down and kissed his Human.

"You did so good, Babe. Just look at our girl there."

Most of the pregnancy... it definitely wasn't easy, but when the couple stared down at their little girl, they knew it was all worth it.

The couple ended up naming their daughter Cassia.

Bad End:

It was during the beginning of MC's eighth month when she went into labor. Mammon still remembers her panicked tears as she kept saying over and over that it was too soon. The second born had Lucifer call the doctor as he just held her close and tried to calm her. He gave his all to stay calm himself, but his Human's fear and pain really broke him down inside to the point where he'd have to quickly wipe a tear of his own away before she saw it.

In the end, MC's body was just too weak. Even though she recently had been able to regain some of her strength, it didn't erase the months before that of her body being near starved. The doctor was barely able to save his daughter. Mammon can still remember the look on his girlfriend's face when their girl entered the world, a weak smile of relief. She went to say something, but suddenly exhaled her last breath, leaving her body permanently stilled.

And just like that, he lost the only person who he felt gave a damn about him. He remembers collapsing in on himself while his brothers only saw him stare far away into space. He remembered when his younger brothers started throwing insults and blame his way, saying his stupidity killed her. And he remembered throwing himself against the brother closest to him, later noticing it to be Belphie, just punching him and crying. This shocked them to the point that no one, not even Beel stepped up to stop him for the longest moment. This wasn't Mammon. Mammon never laid a hand on his brothers.

Lucifer was the one who snapped out of it first and pulled the second born off of Belphie. The room was silent as he cried, practically in unison with his daughter in the other room. That was the moment where each of his brothers started to realize just how much Mammon loved MC. All of the brothers cared about her and were hurting from her death, but this was first moment where they really took the Avatar of Greed seriously with his own feelings.

The Brother's were a lot softer with Mammon from then on. No matter what he stole from them, no matter how much debt he racked up, they kept a certain tenderness in their heart for the brother who lost it all with MC's death.

As a dad... Mammon tried his best. No one doubted that, even when the other brothers had to jump in to feed the girl or quiet her cries while her father either cried in bed or searched for some sort of distraction to calm his mind. Looking at Cassia... it was hard for the dad. He'd look down into her eyes, the same eyes she got from her mother, and could only think about how MC should be there with him now... but how she's not.

As a baby and toddler, Cassia was mostly raised by Asmo and Beel. As a child, she had gotten closer with her Uncle Lucifer. Mammon was a loving, but distant dad who constantly tore himself down even when his brothers no longer did.

Leviathan:

Levi and MC got a good five months before facing any major difficulties.

Outside of the morning sickness in the beginning, everything was pretty calm with the pregnancy till then

And what happened at this point in time... honestly, no one could have predicted this.

The two were sitting in his room, each reading their own chosen manga.

When the woman had risen from his side, the otaku didn't really give it any thought, just assumed that she needed to go pee or grab another pillow.

It wasn't till heard a splash to his left that he looked up from his book and saw his pregnant girlfriend at the bottom of his giant fish tank.

Panicking, the demon dropped his book his and rushed up to the top of fish tank. He didn't even notice that he transformed into his demon form before jumping in and swimming down to the human

He quickly swam up with her and carried her back out and onto his floor.

"Shit shit!" The man stared down at the unconscious human, brain being uncooperative as he realised they were not breathing. Then it clicked and Levi put both hands on his Human's chest and repeatedly pressed down, starting CPR.

When his girlfriend eventually coughed up the water in her lungs and came to, he nearly fainted in relief.

He scooped her into his arms and started crying.

"W-What were you thinking???"

The demon didn't understand what just happened. His Henry almost drowned. And she was the one threw herself in! Was she trying to kill herself? Was the whole pregnancy and parenthood stuff getting too scary for her? Was he not taking care of her good enough? Oh devil... what if she thinks he's gonna be a bad dad and just wants to end it all now??

As the Avatar of Envy always did, he thought of the worse outcomes that he could blame himself for.

"I... Levi, what happened?"

??!!

"What do you mean, what happened? You tried to drown yourself!"

The woman's eyes went wide and she frantically shook her head.

"I... no! I would never do that to our baby!"

Even now, she wasn't even thinking of her own life. Just their child's. Levi was scared for their kid's life too, but got so panicked over her's that he didn't mention it before.

As he looked down into her horrified expression, the demon knew she was telling the truth. Or, at least she believed she was.

For a second, the man doubted what he just saw, just experienced. Her drenched hair and clothes were the only things that cemented him in the knowledge that he was right.

But then why did she sincerely believe differently?

Levi texted Lucifer that there was an emergency and needed him in his room now before he helped MC get changed out of her wet clothes.

By the time Lucifer came to the room, MC was in Levi's pj pants and one of his tshirts with a blanket wrapped around her to keep her warm.

Lucifer could sense something different with MC the moment he entered the room. As a demon skilled with magic and curses, he could sense the energy shift within her

And once his younger brother explained what had happened, it had all clicked into place for the first brother. Granted, it was just a theory at this stage, but all signs still pointed to it.

The situation seemed to be a side affect of her pregnancy and a magical one at that. Her baby needed something that they weren't getting so they took the reigns and made their mother give it to them.

That something? Water. The baby seems to have inherited they're father's affinity for water.

Levi was frozen where he and MC sat on the couch.

Basically what the third brother was hearing was that this was his fault, that he almost lost his girlfriend and baby because he has a connection to water.

The demon was ready with a slew insults to express his self blame, but was stopped by MC's quick kiss.

"Hey... none of that." She said softly. "It's okay, it's not your fault. Besides, you saved me."

She knew her boyfriend well enough to know when he was gonna tear himself down but this... she couldn't let him blame himself for something this big.

As per Lucifer's advice, MC started lounging in the bath a couple times a day to see if that would curb her baby's need to be surrounded by water. And surprisingly, it worked.

But as her pregnancy progressed and her belly grew, so did her need to be in water. She'd be fine for a few weeks then suddenly there would be another fish tank incident (though luckily, Levi would stop her before she would even get her feet wet) and her boyfriend would rush her to the bathtub. Each time this happened, the amount of sessions and length of said sessions in the bath increased.

In all honesty, it probably wasn't good for her skin to lay in water so much, but considering this was a life or death situation for her and the baby, it was worth dealing with pruney skin.

It got to the point where it felt like most of her day was spent in the tub and the woman hated it.

Actually ended up convincing Levi to join her for some sessions and loved snuggling up to her boyfriend in the tub.

Honestly, it was something the human wanted to continue between them even after her pregnancy.

Levi had to keep a close eye on her for the remaining months, which was stressful for the otaku, who couldn't really indulge in his usual hobbies, knowing he'd get too absorbed and possibly miss it the moment she needs him.

Still, the demon took care of his Henry well.

Good End:

The woman so ready to birth this baby. MC was so tired of spending her days in the bath tub and being sore and pruney so when the day came, she was nervous, but relieved. She was about a week overdue when her water broke and she went into labor. Levi was a nervous wreck for a most of it, but MC was very patient with him, despite her pain.

After six and half hours of labor, MC held their baby boy in her arms. Levi just stared in wonder at his son. His son. Who would of thought this would ever happen? If you would have told him before he met MC that he'd be a dad someday, he would of said something was wrong with you. If you would of said it after they started dating, he would of told you there was no way MC would wanna give him such a gift.

But there he was, staring down at the son that MC spent hours pushing out and even almost drowned once, just to bring him into this world. This... MC really was amazing.

"Do you wanna hold him?" She smiled at her boyfriend, breaking his thoughts.

The man tensed up, but gave a shy nod.

His girlfriend explained how to hold the baby before setting their son in his arms and telling him to make small adjustments. Levi stared down at his child, who had his hair and MC's eyes. Heck, the little boy even had a tail just like his. The man started tearing up and the human laughed.

"Don't... I'm not crying, I swear..."

After reviewing some of the baby names they talked about, the couple decided on the name Kai.

Bad End:

MC was halfway through her seventh month when it happened. They had recently had another incident of the woman finding her way to the fish tank and had to adjust her bathing schedule again. Bad news: MC had to spend another two hours in the tub each day. Good news? The woman should be incident-free for another couple weeks.

This was why Levi felt it was okay to leave the house, something he rarely felt like doing. He used to never mind spending most of his time in his room. Before this pregnancy, it was his safe haven, where he retreated into in order to avoid all of his troubles and the judgement that he felt he got from the world. Since MC has been pregnant though, that has been the room she spent all her time in, especially since things got... complicated.

His room was no longer a safe place; on the contrary, it was where all of his stress and fears lied. He still powered through it most days for MC's sake, but on transition days where the pattern showed her to be safe, he'd leave the house to go to the comic book store (which also sold manga). He made sure his brothers would keep checking up on her while he was gone.

But they didn't. For a variety of reasons, none of this brothers checked in on her until it was too late. Lucifer was busy working in his study. Mammon left for his modeling gig. Satan was out plotting things with Mephisto. Asmo was in his room, talking on the phone with someone while he did his nails. Beel was in the kitchen, trying to cook dinner and fighting the urge to just eat the ingredients. Belphie was asleep.

Eventually, Beel made his way to Levi's room to check on MC and found her floating face-down in the fish tank. Levi didn't come home until an hour after she was found. He started heading to his room when Lucifer stopped him and called him into the living room. His heart sank when he entered and saw all his brothers sitting around the room. Asmo was crying. Mammon was pretending not to be. The rest of his brothers simply look depressed.

Apparently, MC skipped a bath time while he was gone. She was just so on edge and didn't want to force herself into the water yet. The baby did though. And now they are both gone.

And just like that, the third brother was alone again. Levi locked himself in his room for months after her death, not leaving for school or to even eat. His brothers brought his meals to his room, but he often needed encouragement to eat. The man just wanted to cave into himself and hide away from it all, but the one place he could hide was the same room the human he loved died in... because he wasn't there to comfort her and have her take her bath.

He was so utterly alone. No Henry. No baby. And he felt that he had no one to blame but himself.

~

Part 2 | Part 3

[twistedlymad]

UwU Your writing is amazing !!!!! I loved the puppy and cat escapades \ ^o^ / . Would you be willing to do one in wich the mc is bullied by the extras, because you know, no magic and already a director, how would the boys react?? Will this be the end of the extras?!?? Ill be eternally gratefull. iTs okay if you cant throug. Hope you have a wonderfull day, and dont forget to drink plenty of water, and take breakes. Take care of yourself!!!!

Originally, I had planned this to be another chaos fic, but, I realize while writing this, that bullying is something that cannot be taken lightly. In the Twst Fandom, we also had our fair share of bullying from a few anons and that isn’t okay. 

So, in writing this fic, I made it more sentimental and just so you guys know, if you’re having a bad day or a bad time in general, feel free to talk to anyone, including me! Do not ever hold in your sadness. 

But anyway, I hope this fic lives up to your expectations anon! Thank you for requesting and have a lovely day!

What if you got bullied? (Ft. Everyone!!)

What was supposed to be a great day, turned out to be the worst day you could ever have at Night Raven College.

Your day started off normally, in fact, it started off well! You woke up with a good mood. You saw the furball that you loved so much beside you, sleeping peacefully. You smiled as you gently shook him awake.

“Grim, wake up, it’s already morning.”

“Fgnaaaaa, five… more minutes…” The sleeping creature said, swatting your hand away. You just shook your head at his antics.

“No can do, remember what Crowley would do if he caught us being late again.” You said and the creature’s eyes immediately shot opened and he jumped out of the bed, scurrying about to get ready for the day. You saw his slightly panicking self and giggled to yourself.

“(Y/N)! We shouldn’t be dancing and prancing! If we do, we’re going to be late!” Said the creature as he saw you heading over to your closet in a small waltz.

“Oh, Grim, I woke you up 10 minutes earlier than usual.” You said as you grabbed your uniform and headed to the bathroom. “You have 10 minutes to spare, take your time.” And you left the mumbling little furball in the room, face planting himself back into the bed after hearing your words.

The first half of your day had gone by rather quick and uneventful, not that you were complaining though. It’s nice to not have fights and chaos to settle every once in a while. You had a lot of laughs and smiles here and there with your group of first-year goofballs.

However, your peaceful day was about to turn upside down.

You were walking back to your classroom. Your friends were reserving your spot in Professor Trein’s class while you went to Crowley’s office to take care of some business involving Ramshackle Dorm. You and Grim made your way down the hall to the class.

Some students saw this and thought it was a great opportunity to make you trip and fall. So, one of them stuck out his leg while you were making you were walking. You didn’t have enough time to react and ended up falling for their antics. You immediately turned your body around so Grim, who was in your hands, would be shielded using your body. Your back hit the ground, HARD. A few gasps here and there were heard.

Grim rose his head from your chest to see you using your elbow to prompt yourself up.

“Fgnaaa! (Y/N)!” The furball immediately went to help you up by providing some support.

“Oh, sorry, didn’t see you there.” The student who tripped you said as his friends were laughing.

“School rules say that no magic or fights are allowed on school grounds.” His friends snickered.

“I’m fine… Just… Let me get up.” You said to Grim, who was still helping you.

“Pffft, look at her, so defenseless, she shouldn’t even be at this school!” The student said harshly.

“Hello?! Night Raven College is a place for prestigious mages. Not humans who can’t use magic and defend themselves.” Another student said to you.

“And to think she’s a prefect! Hahahahaha! You couldn’t even compare to the other dorm leaders!” His friend added and they all agreed.

“Looks like Crowley had made a huge mistake in bringing you here, why don’t you just crawl back to that sad excuse for a dorm of yours alongside your lousy furball!” And the group of students cackled at their snarky comments about you.

You just drooped your head down. Even though you didn’t want to admit it, but, they were right.

You had no magic, you were ridiculed at the entrance ceremony but, Crowley still gave you a place to stay and he even made you an official student here. While others struggled in getting here, you sort of knew why they hated you.

You tried your best to hold in your tears as you felt them pricking at the corner of your eyes while your friends defended you.

But, one comment had pushed past your boundaries.

“You’re not even considered to be human in my eyes! To me, you’re just trash. Go find a trash can and make yourself at home!”

Was… Was this what the other students really thought about you? Trash? Useless? No value? You closed your eyes, taking everything in, ignoring everything and everyone else around you. And proceeded to walk away without saying a single word.

Grim shouted for you but you payed no attention to him and just kept speed walking. Your walking slowly became running and you were then running as fast as you could, just letting your legs lead the way. After awhile of running at full speed, you had slowed down and stopped to take a breather. You looked around to see where you were in order for you to get back to school if needed.

However, you were back at Ramshackle Dorm. Your dorm. The tears you had been holding back flowed out as you took slow steps to the dorm you loved. You went in and closed the door behind you. Leaning your back against the door, you cried out your heart as you slowly slid down.

All the student’s words are stuck in your head, reminding you of what everyone else thinks of you. Your tears just kept flowing as you used your sleeves to wipe them away.

‘They’re right, I’m not meant to be here in the first place.’ You thought to yourself. ‘If everyone hates me so, then, I should just disappear.’ You said in your mind as you stood up and went to your room.

You packed some clothing and madol, ready to leave and hopefully start a new life outside of Night Raven College. You stuffed everything into a duffel bag and went to the main entrance of your dorm. You placed your hand on the doorknob, thinking of a route to leave the school undetected. But when you opened the door…

You were faced with everyone you ever knew.

And I mean everyone! Your group of best friends, the dorm-leaders and your seniors. They were all gathered in front of your dorm.

“Ahh! (Y/N)!! I’m so glad we found you!” Ace said as he, Deuce, Epel, Jack, Sebek and Grim came to hug you. You were surprised, too shocked to even register what had happened.

“We heard about the incident today, we already reported it to the headmaster.” Riddle said.

“But the first-years also reported that you were nowhere to be found. So, we came looking for you and your dorm was the only place we haven’t checked.” Azul continued.

“So, we all gathered here after our search!” Kalim concluded. The first-year boys pulled away from their hug and they noticed your bag.

“(Y/N)? What’s going on? Why are you leaving?” Epel asked you. Your eyes slowly travelled to the bag.

“Um…” You started but Deuce cut you off.

“Is it because of those damned students?” Deuce asked you. “Did they threaten you?”

Now, everyone’s eyes were on you. You averted their stares by lowering your head.

“No…” You said, dropping the duffel bag.

“They didn’t threaten me. But, what they said was true, was it not?” You lifted your head to let everyone see your tear-filled eyes. “I am just a human, I don’t possess any magic powers and yet here I am in this school for magicians. Not only that, but I am also the dorm leader for this dorm and I have been made a prefect! Isn’t that unfair to everyone else?” You said out loud, letting everyone hear you.

“I understand why they would have these kinds of thoughts. I understand why they hate me. That’s why I thought that if I have left, no one would have these kinds of thoughts ever again. After, I am the problem, aren’t I?” You concluded.

Truth be told, the boys were shocked. They… They have never seen this side of you. Heck, they never thought you would be capable of producing these types of thoughts. In their eyes, you were always so cheerful and kind, even when things got out of hand, you would remain calm and solve the problem to the best of your abilities. To think someone this pure and precious to them would have such depressing and degrading thoughts is beyond them.

However, this shocked Grim the most. The creature practically lived with you for so long and he didn’t even have a single clue of this side of you was scaring him.

“No, you’re wrong.” Grim lowly mumbled, but you couldn’t hear him.

“What?” You asked the furball.

“YOU’RE WRONG!” He practically screamed at you.

“Grim-chan…” Cater said softly.

“Even if you did leave, their thoughts won’t change! You’re not the problem! It’s them!” The furball yelled to you. Everyone was taken aback by Grim’s sudden outburst. But the first-years were quick to back him up.

“That’s right! It’s not your fault (Y/N)!” Ace said to you.

“Students at NRC are picked by the mirror of darkness. No one can easily come and go in this school.” Leona reminded everyone.

“Exactly, you arrived here for a reason.” Rook said.

“You assisted us with our overblots, not every child of man could do that.” Malleus said, representing every dorm leader.

“You had us working together in sync during the Inter-High Magift Tournament.” Ruggie added.

“You brought us together as friends.” Sebek stated.

“Most importantly, you let me have a place here at NRC. Because of you, we were only able to attend the school as a student.” Grim said. “No one has ever done something like that for me before.” The creature said as he slowly crawled up to you.

Everyone’s words had stunned you. You were so busy thinking about the negative comments about you, you forgot about all your relationships with your friends and seniors.

Like, how you always had tea in Heartslabyul. Riddle would always invite you to have tea with him and the others, you would enjoy the peacefulness of the dorm under the supervision of their dorm leader. Trey would always ask for your help in the kitchen and you would have a fun time with him while making sweets and desserts for everyone. Cater would whisk you away to either a selfie-session in the dorm’s gardens or a photoshoot in any new place that the he had found to be photogenic. Ace and Deuce would invite you to play croquet with them from time to time, of course, you were very careful with the flamingos and hedgehogs as you didn’t want to hurt any of them, but, you couldn’t resist in using the flamingo to bonk on either Ace’s or Deuce’s head every once in awhile. It’s okay though, the flamingo understood completely.

Like, how you always trained yourself in Savanaclaw. Leona would sometimes go easy on you if you were invited to join one of their many Magift activities, although, you weren’t sure if he was pitying you or he was just being lazy in general. You would help Ruggie prepare food for everyone as you knew he could use an extra hand or two, it also meant you could pick up a new recipe here and there and you got to taste test all the food. Jogging sessions with Jack were also a normal thing, hey, if you’re going to be joining in Magift tournaments without magic powers, the least you could do is train yourself physically.

Like, how you always felt welcomed at Octavinelle. Azul would welcome you into the VIP lounge when Mostro Lounge was extremely busy and you couldn’t find a place to sit at. You would also help out around Mostro Lounge when you saw that the place was packed to the brim. Usually, Jade would entrust you with drinks while he and Floyd went to prepare food for everyone else. When Mostro Lounge closed its doors for the day, you would enjoy some tea with the three underwater mermen or you and Grim would play around with Floyd, pranking other students and dorm leaders. Heck, you and Floyd even pulled off a few enormous pranks against the staff members.

Like, how you would be invited to feasts and parties at Scarabia. Kalim would always have a big smile on his face whenever he invited you to go dine with him at Scarabia. Jamil always appreciated your help in the dorm, let it be helping him prepare food for the party that Kalim had just decided to have five minutes ago or just keeping an eye on the dorm leader while he went to settle some other business involving the dorm.

Like, how you would have small makeovers at Pomefiore. Every time you walked past the beauty-queen/king, you were immediately stopped by him, because either your bow or tie was crooked or your hair was a mess, well no matter the case, Vil would fix it for you. When you visited Pomefiore from time to time, Vil would take the chance to give you high quality beauty products to try and he would always go on a rant on how you should always take care of your image. Sometimes, Rook would sweep you away just to go on a mini hunt with him. Although, let’s be real here, you two always ended up spying on Leona at the Botanical Gardens while he skipped his classes. Epel would whisk you away to his room and teach you to on how to carve apples. You managed to carve a few of the staff members and even your friends onto the apples, of course, you would carve on a few extra features onto your masterpieces. Like, say, a moustache for Ace or funky-looking ears for Crowley. You also helped to keep Epel in check whenever Vil and Rook were teaching the first-years on table manners and proper etiquette.

Like, how you would enjoy mini-gaming sessions at Ignihyde. Usually, you would initiate the session with Idia. You two ended up playing both Co-Op and PvP games. While playing games that require you to cooperate, the two of you would discuss your plans and pick out the best course of action. The same cannot be said for Free-For-All games though. A few minor insults here and there are thrown between the two of you. But at the end, the victor will always do a little happy dance before continuing onto the next game. You loved Ortho like your own brother! Always treating him to various desserts and helping him drag his brother out from his room. Ortho looks up to you like a sister as well. There may have been a few times he’s actually called you big sis.

Like, how you would go on quaint little walks at Diasomnia. If you needed a breather, you would usually find yourself at Diasomnia. Due to a large forest surrounding the building and the silent atmosphere the dorm provides, it is the exact place where you would go to take a walk to clear your mind. Malleus would sometimes accompany you on these quaint little walks. You and Tsunotaro would chat about your everyday lives and problems the first-years would create. Lilia would make some tea for you after your walks and you would enjoy the tea and bits of biscuits and crumpets alongside the tea. You would also break up arguments between Silver and Sebek. The two would get into fights about the tiniest of things, from blaming each other for losing track of Malleus to blaming each other for not preparing for a test. Sometimes, Silver would accompany you on your walk instead of Malleus and you two would also have little chats here and there. Other than that, Sebek’s view of you actually improved after befriending him. He used to think you were a powerless human as well but after spending time with him and your friends, he realizes that you aren’t just any human being.

But for Grim, you had the greatest impact in his life. You accepted him, you took care of him, you loved him. And he loved you back, just as much. To him, you were his family since he had never had one.

In conclusion, you matter.

You. Are. Of. Value.

You are precious to them, you bring peace to them, you brought them together as a whole.

Once that thought had nested in your brain, you realized that you were foolish in having these thoughts in the first place.

“I’m sorry…” You said, crying. Grim went and hugged you.

“It’s not your fault… Just know that we’re here for you.” Said the furball as everyone also came and comforted you. You had spent the day with them as a whole, you watched a few movies, horror movies in that case. It was fun hearing the dorm leaders and their members scream shout yell made a loud sound whenever a jumpscare appeared.

You guys also played games together, but, I am not allowed to share any details because I actually know nothing. No, I’m totally not being threatened here Reader-san, don’t worry about me.

Send help pls.

Also, after the bullying incident, the boys were a bit more protective around you when in class/school. Usually, your group of first-years would accompany you wherever you go, let it be from your dorm to the cafeteria or from the class to another dorm, at least one of them will be at your side. And when they couldn’t be there, either a dorm leader or an upperclassman would be near you. Any student who seem like they have bad intentions to either you or Grim, would face unspeakable consequences.

And I mean unspeakable. So, I cannot inform you of these consequences as I am under an oath to not reveal anything. Um. Yeah. Good luck persuading the boys to tell you : )

[bagelbright-tok]

Reflection

Jotaro (3) x Fem!Reader

[FINISHED FIC]

Warning(s): Violence, descriptions of life threatening injuries, descriptions of blood, life threatening experience, trauma, descriptions of pure anguish, five stages of grief, depression, angst, poor writing, I did not double-check or reread anything.

Word Count: 1946

__

I’m Sorry.

__

It'd already been several hours since Polnareff burst out of the bathroom, panicking about an enemy attack. The enemy being the man with two right hands. The man who had slaughtered Polnareff's sister. It was understandable that he wanted to go off on his own to hunt down the monster, but it wasn't smart.

Not smart at all. In the hotel, in Jotaro's and your shared room, you expressed your worry.

"I'm so nervous. I've never been so full of anxiety." You say quietly, plopping on the bed. "I'm sure he can fend for himself, but not even he knew what the enemy's ability is."

"You need to stop worrying. It's his problem. He's the one who decided to go off on his own." Jotaro said calmly, in his usual monotone voice. He removed his hat, placing it on the nightstand. "He even said when we met him that he was coming with us to get revenge for his sister."

You sigh, finally laying down on the edge of the bed, "You're right. I guess I just get attached too quick," You admit with defeat, "I'll miss him. He was like the… the comedy break in this depressing trip."

"Hm." Jotaro agreed, removing his jacket and setting it wherever he could.

Jotaro got in bed and finally you decided to place yourself in a more comfortable position on said bed. 

____ You'd been dating Jotaro for about two years now. You've had your Stand, Knight's Cups, since you had been born. It was more of a defensive than offensive, but could do damage if used correctly.

Knight's Cups could create barriers. These barriers were usually cloudy but mostly clear. You could create as many as you wanted, but the more you created the more energy you used. The same applied to size. You could make a barrier around the entirety of the world, but that would kill you before you were a quarters way done. You tend to stick to singular barriers to protect yourself or singular barriers around the enemy to capture them in a way. In some cases, you could shrink the barrier with someone inside. This would obviously crush them to death. You had no limit as to how small you could make your barriers. As with most Stands, there was the downside. Your Stand was the barrier. If the barriers were actually penetrated or cracked, it would seriously harm you.

___

The next day, likely around lunch time. You, Jotaro, Joseph, Kakyoin, and Avdol were all sitting around the table, an extra seat bothering every single one of you. It was empty. It shouldn't be an extra seat. It should be occupied by the silver haired Frenchman. Avdol was most bothered by it. It was obvious in his silence and disturbed facial expressions.

Eventually, Avdol stood, "Excuse me, I need some air." He casually left the table and went outside.

After five minutes, you spoke, "He didn't just go out to get some air, did he?" You look up and around the table.

They all shook their heads. The somber mood turned tense as everyone stood up at once and rushed out of the building. Without another word spoken, everyone split up. Jotaro went one way, Joseph went another, Kakyoin took a different route, and you went running where your gut told you to go. Eventually, you felt relieved to see Avdol's familiar red robes in the distance. You caught up with him, and became happier when you saw him tackle Polnareff. Concern quickly took over though when you saw a bullet fly by, nearly missing Polnareff.

You jumped in front of them, using Knight's Cup to create a barrier just to cover you, Avdol, and Polnareff. A bang rang out, and you felt a small throbbing pain in your stomach. It felt like someone grabbed a piece of your skin and ripped it out. But nothing had actually hit you. You focus on the cloudy figure in front of you. A cowboy with a gun. He shot at your barrier, which really did nothing but pain you.

"Does this guy even have a Stand? He's shooting a gun-" You were confused until Polnareff interrupted,

"That is his Stand!" Polnareff got up and dusted himself off.

Avdol did the same. "Lower the barrier, [Y/N]. All three of us can take him on." Avdol began to summon his Stand.

Polnareff already had Silver Chariot out. You nod, and as you were about to remove the barrier, you felt a great pain in your backside. It was different than having your barrier hit. Something was physically stabbing your backside. You groaned as your body reacted by arching. Your barrier went down.

"[Y/N]!" Both Avdol and Polnareff yelled at once. They tried to rush to you, but another bang rang out.

Everyone was caught off guard. Avdol was shot in the head. He collapsed in front of Polnareff and beside you. You tried to remain standing as the sharp object within you was removed.

"Avdol!" Polnareff yelled out, now focusing his attention on Avdol. 

You tried to attack the cowboy with a barrier, but a bullet can move faster than you. You felt the horrendous pain of a bullet entering your chest and nearly piercing your heart. The blood spilling from your back had already soaked you in its warmth. It only got warmer when your chest began to bleed as well. You couldn't stay up anymore. You fell backward, now spilling blood in the dry sand of Calcutta. The sand easily soaked it all up.

"No! [Y/N]!" Polnareff was now knelt between you and Avdol.

"Polnareff! Avdol! [Y/N]!" Kakyoin had come running. Everything happened so fast. 

Kakyoin had arrived just as Avdol and you were shot. He could do nothing. Neither could Polnareff. In just one minute, two people had died. At least, that is what was believed.

__

You couldn't protect Avdol, you only hoped for the best. But you knew you couldn't beat a bullet. Your barrier had gone down and so when you saw where Hol Horse was aiming, you put a half barrier over your heart. You couldn't protect whatever damage Hanged Man had done. If you'd known Avdol was going to get shot at, you would have put a barrier around him.

Right now, your only chance of survival was not bleeding out. Unfortunately, Polnareff and Kakyoin didn’t realize you were still alive. They ended up driving off, away from Hol Horse but being chased by J. Geil. Little had you known, you would be rotting next to Avdol’s dead corpse. Soon, hope for survival diminished. You were slowly slipping. You didn’t know how you lasted as long as you did. As things began to fuzz between reality and the great beyond, you heard the commotion of people surround you and Avdol. You could hear Joseph and Jotaro speaking.

“A-Avdol..? [Y-Y/N]..?” It was a shell shock for the old man. He groaned in distress as he looked at his friends’ dead bodies.

Jotaro was most upset. He was staring right at his girlfriend’s corpse. Blood spilled from your back and your chest. He staggered.

“J-Jotaro… You shouldn’t have to see her like this..” Joseph looked over at his grandson with pity and sorrow.

“[Y/N].” Jotaro’s usual tone was dry, almost cracking under the wave of emotions that crashed into him, toppling his strong form.

The teen’s eyes were wide, full of horror, shock, and pure sadness. She couldn’t be dead. They were just eating an hour ago. She wasn’t dead. Jotaro took a step forward, falling to his knees in front of her lifeless body. Who had done this? If he were to find out, he’d give them Hell, and then some. He gritted his teeth. Why did this have to happen? To him? To her? To [Y/N]? Couldn’t he do something? Anything?! He had one of the most powerful Stands and yet all he could do was remain still and allow the depression to roll in. How could he further this journey to save a woman he loved when he would lose another lady he loved? How would he cope? He would just have to. Do what he did best. Bottle up his emotions.

But- there was something. Something his Stand’s hearing could pick up. He was shocked now. Less negative, more positively. Was it shallow breathing? A very faint heartbeat? Yes.

“Jotaro-” Joseph tried to comfort the teen, but Jotaro wasn’t having it.

“Shut it, old man.” Jotaro swung his hand up to Joseph, signaling for him to shut up. “I hear something.”

“Jotaro, I know it can be hard, I have experienced this before, but-”

“Shut up!” Jotaro yelled, “I think- I think [Y/N]’s alive.”

“What? Jotaro are you sure?” Joseph was shocked, but was doubtful. It could be denial, or perhaps Jotaro finally lost his marbles.

“Yes. I can hear her.” Jotaro quickly responded, shuffling back to his feet and scrambling to you. “[Y/N]. [Y/N]!” He took hold of your limp form and began to shake you a bit, slightly waking you.

You groaned out of reaction to the sudden movement. You still remained relatively unconscious. Jotaro was suddenly relieved. He sighed, almost chuckling out of happiness.

“A-- Avdo-l…” You slur out, barely able to really think.

“Is Avdol alive too?” Joseph was curious as he went over to his friend’s body.

Jotaro could only hear your life. Avdol was dead. Jotaro shook his head, relieved his love was alive, but sad his friend was dead. Right then and there, they had to figure out what to do. As immoral as it may be, you alive was more important than their already dead friend. But, they agreed that Jotaro would take you to treat your wounds while Joseph would bear the burden of having to give his fallen friend a shotty funeral.

***

You would awaken, alive, not necessarily well, but alive. You quickly shot up from your laid down position, immediately regretting it as pain soared from your back to your entire body. You suck on your teeth and groan, instantly falling back down onto the ground you were laying on. Jotaro was there, waiting for you to return to the world. The black haired teen quickly ran to your side, making sure you were okay.

“Are you okay? What happened?” He began to question you, still worried.

“I- Ugh- I’m fine, Jojo. Polnareff got attacked, me and Avdol-” At the mention of his name, you turned your head around to see if he was also there, “Where is Avdol? Is he okay? He got shot. Jotaro, Avdol got shot! Is he-!?” You began to panic quickly, almost breaking into a sob just remembering the scene.

Jotaro’s shaking of his head interrupted you. It left you speechless. A singular silent gesture left you gasping for words. You moved back to sitting up. You grabbed Jotaro and pulled him into a hug. Jotaro was surprised and fell into it, unsure of how to react. You grabbed at his back, getting a grip into his black jacket, basically clawing into his backside. You choked on the sobs that hiked through your throat. For a moment, Jotaro just let you break into him. Though the edgy teen did realize that maybe hugging back would be good. Cautiously and slowly, he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you back for comfort. He didn’t apply too much pressure due to the stab wound on your back and the small bullet wound in your chest.

Jotaro could really only utter two words for you; “I’m sorry.”

___

E N D

[whosnickydude]

A soft dusk

okay so a while ago a posted this Kandreil drabble on ao3 but never really kept writing a 2nd part? but now that’s summer i have more time on my hands and i started writing again, so i guess i’m posting the 1st part here as well?? idk enjoy

CW: panic attack, Kevin has some really sad and harmful thoughts. please take care of yourselves lovies!

Kevin was spiraling. He felt as if his chest was about to explode from the pressure of not getting air through, and he couldn’t get a hold of his feelings.

Six months had passed since Riko’s death. Since the press lurking around every corner, demanding answers, fighting for a statement. None of them were sensible about it. Kevin practically couldn’t go anywhere alone the first month, or he would probably end up being stalked. One time it actually got close to physical assault.

All the while, he was mourning Riko. And he was the only one, it seemed. He felt immensely guilty, for an overbearing amount of reasons. He felt guilty for letting his brother become the sadistic monster he turned into. He felt guilty for not being able to change him. He felt guilty for leaving him. But most of all, he felt guilty for mourning him. It wasn’t fair, not with all that he did to Kevin. The sleepless nights, the feeling of always being a prey, always the second, always with a leash around his neck. He broke his hand because he was having a fucking tantrum, for God’s sake. It was not fair that Kevin still had to feel like shit because of him dying.

He started drinking, after that. More than he did before. It was the only way he knew to numb the pain. The other foxes let him. None of them understood why he felt so sad about his abuser’s death, so none of them knew how to —or wanted to— comfort him. They would throw him a pitying glance and try to do so, but after some times he shoved them off, they started to leave him to himself. So they let him drink. It wasn’t as if they ignored him completely. When everyone went to Eden’s Matt, or Dan, or Allison asked him to go dancing with them. Sometimes he got so drunk that he actually did. Most of the time, though, he stayed on the table while everyone gradually went to the dance floor. They never left him completely alone. Almost every time, Neil and Andrew stayed on the other side of the table, speaking in languages he didn’t know. Probably flirting shamelessly right on his face. However, the only one who stopped him from getting alcohol down his throat was Andrew, and only when he saw that another one would end up with Kevin passing out.

Five months had passed since Thea left him by now. And through text, at that. Apparently, he was making a fool of himself in public every day and it was bad for both of their careers. She didn’t want anything to do with him nor with Edgar Allen. The hypocrite. Kevin was the only one that was always mindful of his surroundings. The only one that acted perfect, that pushed every feeling inside so as to not attract too much undesired attention from the public. But she had it as she wanted it, and Kevin put no resistance against it. They didn’t even see each other and barely even texted or spoke on the phone.

The drinking got worse. The mighty Queen of Exy had fallen, but the only ones who saw it happening were the Foxes. And people who knew nothing about Exy in the darkness of a nightclub in full swing.

Four months had passed since on a Wednesday at 6 A.M., in the middle of his morning run, Neil had found Kevin, alone, near to unconsciousness in the middle of the road to Fox Tower. He had his body on the street and his head on the sidewalk. His face was pressed to the pavement as he sobbed, a half-empty bottle of vodka in his right hand.

Four months had passed since the last time he drank alcohol: he was four months sober now.

It had taken fights, screams, and comforting talks with Abby, but Kevin finally accepted to go to A.A. Neither Wymack nor Andrew would let him alone enough time for him to get near any type of alcoholic beverage. It took a while, but he got to the point that he spent a whole day not thinking about it.

Right now, he would kill for a drink. His mind seemed to have caught up on everything that had happened in the past few months. It was the beginning of term, so everyone wasn’t as free anymore to look out for him. Andrew and Neil had gone out a while ago, probably to the roof, since it was almost dawn. Kevin was left alone for more time than he could manage. The prospect of having to deal with still mourning the death of his worst nightmare, his own mental health, his addiction, and the school year, was simply too much. It was looming over him. He felt as if he was dying.

Maybe it was because he found himself with so few distractions that he started overthinking. Maybe he just opened the wrong Pandora’s box from the rotten depths of his mind. Either way, he was panicking. The rush of adrenaline and utter fear he felt —he remembered— from his time in the Nest was a live wire around his throat. How could he let all those things happen to him? Riko’s abuse, Tetsuji’s beating, the terror, the exposure. Being so vulnerable and ignored while also being right in the spotlight. “Always a commodity, never a human being...”

And then, what? He went running to his father, who didn’t even know he was his father. And he didn’t say anything about it until he was forced to do so. He was a coward. He was a coward, a fucking coward.

He couldn’t breathe. His head felt heavy, his shoulders felt heavy, his whole body felt heavy. Living felt heavy. Maybe he could just lay down where he was sitting on the couch and let himself go. But he couldn’t bring himself to move. His vision started blurring and everything around him was out of focus. Suddenly, there was a warm pressure on the back of his neck, and then another on his right cheek. The world started solidifying back, spinning around him, and he was gasping for air. He was letting out ragged, desperate gasps, his neglected lungs screaming for oxygen.

A face started coming to focus in front of him, but as soon as it materialized it blurred again. Tears were running down his face and he curled his arms around him. The pressure on the back of his neck —a hand, he realized— tightened, and the one on his cheek went up to pull at his hair.

“Kevin, look at me,” he heard someone say. The voice sounded familiar. “Kevin, I need you to breathe.”

The hand behind him stretched up and tangled between his hair as well, pushing his head slightly down.

“Come down, Kevin. You’re safe.”

The voices felt oddly comforting, and his hands flew up to grasp the other two. He was still crying and gasping, but it wasn’t as desperate. Maybe he wouldn’t die today.

At some point during the episode he had shut his eyes tightly, and now he tried to blink slowly, with narrowed eyes. The first thing that he saw was red hair, scarred skin, and blue eyes. Neil was in front of him, looking worried in his own way. His brow was furrowed, and he was chewing on his lip, but his expression didn’t seem quite compassionate.

“Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, Kevin,” he said. He showed the motion, exaggerating his breaths for Kevin to copy. And Kevin could only look him in the eyes and comply. Some time passed —maybe minutes, maybe hours— and the panic ebbed. The tears wouldn’t stop falling and his breath was shaky, but he wasn’t hyperventilating anymore.

He was still holding both hands, and he felt the one at the back of his head slip away from his grasp. He looked back and saw Andrew staring at him, sitting on the arm of the couch. Neil was sitting on the coffee table in front of it.

“I’m... I’m sorry, I just...” he started, but couldn’t finish.

Andrew didn’t look away from him. His face didn’t demonstrate any emotion, but he still wasn’t looking away. “What happened, Kevin?”

“I...” He sighed. “I started overthinking, and I really wanted a drink, and I... I guess it just went down from there.”

His voice was small and he hated it. He felt stupid, he couldn’t be left alone with his thoughts for two fucking seconds because he started falling to pieces.

“I’m sorry,” he said again.

“Well, don’t be,” Neil said. “It’s only natural for these things to happen.”

Kevin wasn’t really sure what he meant by that, but he didn’t have much time to think about it because then Neil was standing up and going to the kitchen. Kevin looked back towards Andrew and saw him lighting up a cigarette and walking to the desk next to the window.

“Go change your clothes, Kevin,” he said, looking out towards the campus. “You’ll be itchy until you do, and you probably drenched all that in sweat anyway.”

He was probably right, Kevin thought, but still glared in his direction. Only because it was in his nature and he felt better already; Andrew wasn’t looking at him. Though he probably knew Kevin would glare at him. Giving no response to the blonde, he stood up and went to the bedroom to change into his pajamas. Andrew was right: the sweatpants felt like heaven on his skin. He closed his eyes and brought his hands up to rub them. He was feeling sleepy all of a sudden. The panic attack had drained all the energy from him, and his muscles hurt everywhere.

He went back out to the living room, yawning, and found Neil sprawled on one end of the couch with his laptop on his lap and a cup of coffee on hand. Andrew had one too where he was still sitting on the desk, and there was another one on the coffee table.

“Is that for me?” Kevin asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch. Neil looked up at him from his laptop and raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

“No, Day, I felt like having two cups of coffee,” he said. They fixed their eyes on each other until Kevin decided to take the cup. Neil seemed satisfied with that and looked back to where he was browsing something. A few seconds later he clicked on something with a flourish and put his laptop on the coffee table. It was a Trojan’s game they had already seen many times.

Kevin stared at Neil, but the boy just kept watching the beginning of the game. He saw Andrew moving to stub his finished cigarette on the window sill and light up another one. The last rays of sunshine and the street lights drew shadows all over his face. He breathed out the smoke and Kevin saw it disappearing in the wind. He looked back to the game playing on the laptop and brought his knees to his chest. He sipped on his coffee, and it was sugary sweet. But he could allow himself that, at least for today.

[ikassienatics]

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐥 ↬ 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩.

summary: half the population survived the blip and that includes peter your boyfriend, while the other half was erased from existence just like you. five years later, the snap was reversed but the world you once lived in changes

warnings: angst but not really, mj being a really cool bad bitch, life lessons from michelle jones, peter moving on, endgame spoilers? but i know you've seen the masterpiece already, mj cursing a lot like a lot.

author’s note: y’all it’s been soo long since i wrote something and this idea popped inside my mind while watching infinity war for the hundredth time, and i just can’t help myself!!!! though to warn y’all, i’m actually not that proud with the outcome of this one, it felt like something is not right, like something is missing or whatnot. and if there’s probably a fic i wrote in which i disliked, this will be it.

a handsome god trying to invade new york is bullshit, a malfunctioned artifical intelligence trying to take over the world is too much. but a purple alien named thanos erasing half the population in your planet is full of shit. the world is a crazy place indeed, you thought you guys have enough, that everything is being handled with care, for fuck’s sake earth has avengers. but turns out, even the earth’s mightiest heroes can’t stop nor survive the snap.

everything happened so fast, one second every student in your university is standing happily inside the gymnasium as they awaited the announcement about the upcoming ball, then the speaker suddenly turned into dust, she fades away like she was nothing, like a bubble, turned into ash. then everyone panicked including you, you just saw a person turned into dust before your eyes, of course you will panic

then you stood up from your seat, taking your boyfriend peter with you as you both decided to run for the exit, then it happened to everyone too. they also started turning dust

then it was your turn.

you didn't really know how it was your turn, you just sensed it that you will fade away just like them, so you did what common teenagers would do. you clung in your boyfriend once you felt the tingling sensation inside your body. it was a scary feeling, and for some reasons the numb pain started fading away, like it find some way to connect with your brain to tell it that there's nothing wrong when technically, everything is wrong. like it was convincing your mind that you don't feel anything. you have never been scared like that before

peter was by your side when that happened, holding you tightly on his arms as if he's trying to stop you from leaving. but nothing stopped the snap, no one manage to stop the blip. not even the earth's mightiest heroes.

and now you're back, sitting alone on the bench with no peter by your side, you stood up from the bench seeing mj looking at her hands weirdly, only half the students inside the gym remains and the speaker on the front, the other half? your peter? they're not here.

rushing towards the tan lady, you approach her with your hear beating faster "mj!" she look up from her hands, eyebrows furrowed and seemingly as confuse as you are

"y/n?" she stood up before you can even reach her sit "what the fuck just happened?" she look around as well, everyone started reaching for their devices, calling their family to make sure they're safe and okay, some even rush towards the exit while some started crying

"i have no idea." you pursed your lips, you and mj are never close. you always get insecure because of the tall girl, thinking that she may have a thing for peter but she always assure you that she don't date boys, she prefer girls. so standing in front of her, let alone talking to her is still awkward for you, but there's no time for that

"did you just came back as well?" she asked you, reaching for her bag and hanging it around her shoulder, you nodded your head "i was actually wondering where peter was. . ." your eyes widen, she might think you don't care about anything but peter, or maybe she will think your ignorant because even after what happened, even if there's a lot to be concern about, you still ask for your boyfriend first "i mean, everyone, i was wondering where half of the students are."

"yeah, me neither." she grabbed her phone from inside her bag, planning to text her parents just like everybody else when she suddenly caught a glimpse of the date on her lockscreen "oh shit!"

your eyes widen "what? what is it?" even though you two were never close and you felt like overstepping a line, putting your nose in her business. you can't help but get curioused because of the expression written all over her face

"what the fuck is this." she showed you her phone and there you saw a 2023 instead of 2019, your eyes also widen in realization reaching for your phone as well and seeing the same thing in your lock screen, you even saw a couple of text and calls from your parents and friends five years ago

five years ago

what the fuck

you licked your lips, about to call your mom when you heard someone speak from behind you and mj "y/n?" the voice is familiar, turning on your heels, you came in contact with a person no other than ned leeds, one of peter's friends.

mj also turn her head making ned switch his eyes from you to her "mj?" he asks, still can't believe what he's seeing. ned changes a lot even after just five minutes, he grew a beard, his hair looks so fresh from hair cut and his body is more lean than before, he looks older. weird

"ned! oh my god." you run towards him, jumping in his arms and hugging him tightly, he did the same closing his eyes in the process and praying that this is not a dream, not anymore, no. this has to be real, everyone has to come back, this has to be the reality.

"hey, man!" mj nodded her head at the man in front fo you, he still looks confuse but not as confuse as the pair "what happened here?"

his eyebrows furrowed "you don't know?" the way he said those words made your heart clench, what really is happening? and where's peter? if ned is here, then peter must be somewhere near, knowing that guy. him and ned are usually always together, even in your dates ned has to tag along, not that you mind. you enjoyed it most of the time

"what? what do you mean?" you look back at mj "we just came back, what happened? why do you look older? did you just came back as well?" you bombared him with question

he shakes his head "no, half of the population survived." your eyes widen, then if half the population survived, does that mean peter survive as well? or maye he's also part of the snap? but where is he. you look back at your seat not long ago, expecting your partner to pop our of nowhere. but there's none, no peter.

"while the other half fade away?" mj continued or more like, asked.

"y-yeah." he nodded "it's been five years." so that's why it's year 2023 and not 2019? but how, how could it happened? why? who did this? you can't help bur ask yourself

"yeah, that answers our question." the curly brunette beside you spoke, referring to what you both just witness a while ago. biting your lip, you fidget with your fingers as you find the right time to ask him a question

"what are you doing here if it's been five years?" you questioned

"i helped my cousin get enrolled, then everyone just. . . just started to come back and i think of going here to see if both of you came back as well." he answers softly

you slightly smiled at him "w-where's. . . where's peter?" you saw how ned's body froze, how almost all the blood in his face dissapeared by your question, like he's suddenly afraid of something. his happy and chill personality faded just like the snap

"p-peter? y-yeah uhm." he clears his throat, you look down on his fingers and unexpectedly saw a ring in one of them

"you're married?" both you and mj said in unison, he look down on his hands as well before nodding

"yeah, betty and i you know. we made it work, aftee graduating i decided to take our relationship in another level." his eyes sparkles with joy as he tells you the news "she's. she's actually pregnant, two months."

"congratulations." you and mj both said

"and peter, uhm. he now lives in, he no longer lives with aunt may and he also. . . he's not an avenger anymore." you saw how ned had a hard time on telling you what he knows, the ned you knew not long ago is gone, ned usually knows how to compose himself immideately and maybe that's one of the reasons why him and peter fits each other perfectly, your boyfriend is an akward person, a weird one and he always stumble upon his words, while ned is more composed and often helped him.

"wait, what?" michelle gasp

while you stayed still, confusion erupts in your mind. how did it happened? why did peter left the avengers? he always love helping people, finding comfort in swinging around queens and fighting for those who cannot fight, and being an avenger? it's his dream, so why would he turn his back on a life he always wanted to have?

at this moment, you felt like you never knew peter anymore, or ned, he changes so much and you wish peter is still the same after five years even though you know it's impossible, many things can happen in those years, many things can change.

"yeah, after. you know, he got anxiety after the blip, he really had a hard time with keeping up so, uhm. yeah."

"wait, i don't understand a single thing." mj speak once again, trying to make the situation clear

you saw how ned gulped, as if he's about to spill the biggest tea there is "he just, shit happens. you know? and people change, how they see life, their perspective and peter. well, peter. he, he change. he's grown up now."

"like, how grown up?" did he move on?

"i can't tell you that, i'm sorry but he lives in." then he started tellng you the adress which you gladly wrote down on your phone with shaking fingers, imagining how peter would seeing you after five years, would he be happy, sad? or maybe he moved on?

god you don't want to think about it, peter moving on from his relationship with you? can that really happen? can peter really do that to you? no, no. peter won't do that, maybe ned is right. he changed but he's still peter, you refuse to believe that peter forgot about you, that he replaced you after being a part of the blip, because if tables have turned? if peter is the one who has been snapped and you're the one who survived? you don't think you can forget him or move on.

the trio was about to continue keeping up, but ned's phone started to ring and you saw a picture of a woman on the screen "sorry, wife calling." he turn his back on you quickly answering the phone while you and mj just nodded your head, giving him a chance to answer the line

"i always knew peter is a freak." she whispered beside you, trying to make the mood better as she started to see the doubt in your eyes "but a grown man? come on, just because he grow up and finally became a man doesn't mean he has to forget stuffs, you know?"

you slightly smile at her, nodding your head in agreement "you're right."

"anyways, i got to call my dad. you call your family too, they must be worried and confused. all this shit is probably all overt the news by now."

***

two days passed after you came back from the blip, everything you thought you knew? gone. it's like you never existed in the first place and you had a hard time keeping up, keeping up with the world you once knew. your parents on the other hand, they are more understanding than ever, letting you stay lock up in your room so you can think but occasionally asking you if you want to go on a family vacation but you told them you have to fix yourself first. your parents reaction when you came back is priceless especially your mom, she almost didn't want to let you go after embracing you if it weren't for your dad and you saw the longing in their eyes.

of course, their only daughter went missing five years ago then came back as if nothing happened.

you tried to read as many newspaper as you could, news from the last five years, trying to blend in once again. you felt sick thinking about the new society you are now stepping on. but even after those things, you have mj with you and you two became close, facetime here, facetime there. helping each other stood back up from their feet.

two days later, that's when you decided to visit peter, two days of dreaming about the guy, imagining what his reaction would be if you showed up in his door step, and a part of you wished you didn't came back after what you saw, after what you learned.

the house that ned told you was huge, it's white and there's a mailbox standing outside with a name 'parker' in it, it's more like a family house, a car on the garage and a small bike right beside it, a small bike? why does peter have a small bike on his house?

and if you weren't that stupid, you're going to be able to put the pieces together, the bike, the house, the mailbox, ned seeming like he's nervous about something. it all made sense especially when you knock on the door and it was opened by the one and only liz allen. the small bump on her stomach also didn't go unnoticable by you, and the small boy running around from the inside looking like you're boyfriend? yeah, fuck. you get it. he moved on, what else can you do?

nonetheless, she invited you in and you could have said no, but you didn't. there's a lot of question you want to ask peter, why? and how? but you're not going to blame him because of the decision he made. you fully understand it, that maybe his feelings for liz didn't really fade away just like he told you when you two started dating, or maybe he forgot about you. five years is a long road

and that's how you saw yourself inside the kitchen with peter sitting in front of you, the house smelled like home, like love, like family. his family, her family. liz was upstairs trying to give the both of you a time to talk while their son went out to play with some kids outside.

"you're married?" you asked, although it's obvious. you still want it to come out from his mouth. your voice came out like a whisper but you know he heard it, he only nodded his head in response, not knowing what else to say.

"you left me for her." you said once again

and that's when he spoke back "i didn't left you, you left me." his voice is deeper than before, more manly and he didn't stumble upon his words just like before, he looks like be know exactly what he's doing, what he's saying.

he's not the peter you once knew anymore, just like everybody else.

"are you blaming me for what happened?" you whispered shouted, not wanting liz to hear your conversation even though you know that peter will tell her later once you got out

"i'm not blaming anything on you, i'm just trying to explain that i'm not the one who fades away to dust, who left me with nothing for five years. what do you expect me to do?"

"i expect you to wait for me, i came back didn't i?" you saw how your vision started to get blurry, telling you that any time soon a tears will fell from your eyes.

"i waited for you but i lose hope."

"how could you do this to me?" and that's when a single tear drop from your eyes, then another. but you didn't do anything to stop it

"how could i? can you put yourself in my position for once? i was left with nothing for the past five years! i have nothing, tony was a part of the snap, may and i fell apart because all this shit! and liz? she's just, she's there with me. she stood by my side during those times and neither of us can't help it." and if your heart broke after finding out that peter moved on, now it's being shredded to pieces especially after what he just told you

"you find comfort in another woman."

"don't pretend like you will do this differently if i were the one who got snapped." you drop your palms on the table causing it to make a loud thump

"don't you there turn the tables, because if i were the one who survived and you're the one who does not. i will still wait for you no matter how fucked up everything is." you said angrily "did you ever loved me? or did you just used me to get over her? to make her jealous?"

"don't fucking change the subject." that's the first time he ever cursed in front of you, in those eight months of you two dating, no matter the situation, he never cursed or yell at you. yeah you fight often times but it didn't come this far, no yelling, no cursing, just a calm fight.

you wanted to be selfish, to steal peter away from liz just like how she teal him away from you. but you couldn't, you can't even think about it. you don't want to be the person, the woman who stole their dad away from them, you don't want their child to grew up without a dad, to grew up longing for a father.

"look, i know it's hard but believe me or not. i loved you." he said softly this time "but i have a family now, a family to take care of, a children to look after and none of this can bring back the past, none of this can bring both of us together just like before. you have to understand the situation that none of this is inevitable, maybe we're not meant for each other, maybe this is meant to happened, what matters right now is you're back and i have the family i always wanted, maybe not with you. but i'm happy now."

he held your hands from the table, soothing it gently to calm you down "i loved you, and i still do until now but not as much as i love her."

"you don't know how many men will kill just to be with you, you deserve beter and i wish you all the happiness in this world." he added, you look down on his hands, biting your shaking lips as you refuse to believe everything he told you

everything is just too much, it happened so fast. that your brain could not even keep up, but you have to accept the truth, the truth that the both of you are no longer the couple you were used to be. that he moved on and you must do the same

***

you lay down, facing the ceiling before sighing. even after two weeks, fourteen days, even after all those minutes passed you can't seem to get used to the world you were in right now. you're starting to drift away from your parents, not liking to go out and instead you prefer to self isolate yourself inside your room. but no one can blame you for your actions, it's hard. keeping up with everything, it's hard facing complicated things like this especially because peter is not by your side unlike before.

and for once, you just wanted to. . . you just want everything to stop for a while. everything, just. just to give you time to understand

if only it weren't for the snap, or what everyone prefer to call that 'thing'. if it weren't for that, then maybe you already graduated by now, maybe you're the one who's married with peter instead of liz. maybe

"i thought that if i acted like it didn't matter. it wouldn't." you said, eyes still focused on the ceiling as you tried to think about everything that had happened in the past ever since you came back from the ash

mj, who's quietly reading a book on the sofa inside your room decided to join you in your comfy bed, laying beside you and facing the white and boring ceiling as well. unlike you, mj asked for help. she started seeing a therapist to help her get better and to guide her in this journey where she's trying to fit in once again.

but you? you prefer to be alone no matter how many times your parents tried to talk to you or asked you if you need help, even if they kept their arms open for you, even if every person who survived the snap kept their arms wide open for those who didn't. you can't bring yourself to do it, to ask for help like mj. unlike you, mj handled all the problems like a champion, you never see any discomfort in her eyes ever since you came back. yeah maybe the first day, you saw how scared she was but now? she's getting better while you felt like you're getting worse.

you drift away from your parents, never answered or check your phone, you completely shut down peter and liz no matter how many times they tried to invite you like when their son celebrated his birth day. but you see yourself getting closer to mj

which is. weird

you never see it coming,

you never see any of this coming.

"it's okay not to be okay, you know?" she mumbled from beside you. closing her book and fixing her eyeglasses

"shit happens, we get sad, stress, depress, you name it. and that's okay, that's normal. everybody felt that too." she added

from the ceiling, you turn your body to face her before asking her a question "how did you do it?" she seemed taken a back but manages to compose herself right away

putting her other hands behind her head, she licked her lips before answering your question "how did i do it? i didn't do no such thing." it was a whisper, but because of the silence evaporating inside your room you manage to hear every letter that came out of her mouth

"i was scared, afraid after all this shit you know? and it made me think that feeling those things, that self isolating myself or being sad or what the fuck will not make anything better." she told you "like, if i cry in my room because i felt left out, will that make anything better? no right? if i stay in my room and get so emotional, will that bring back the past? will the pain bring back everything? no, that's why instead of being like the others, instead of following what i feel, instead of letting my fear take over. i just told them to fuck off, i go out, tried understanding the world more, have fun, be with my loved ones, forget the fact that i became an ash. because no matter how sad you feel, or how depress you've become. the world will not stop spinning for you, and because of that. might as well as spin with the world, you know what i'm saying?"

from her laying position, mj sat up completely facing you and holding your hand in hers "i know you're having a hard time, we all are. but don't forget that you're not alone in this. you don't have to be, you don't have to face all this shit alone because i'm here for you, your parents, your friends, peter. maybe not in the way you want him to be, but all of us will be here for you." she said sincerely

"i know it's tough, and it's probably much more harder in your case because of peter. but things aren't always going to be there, you know? nothing is permanent. i can't be sitting here with you forever because i have to go home or else my dad will probably burst out." you laughed at her humor "but i'm serious, sometimes everything is not meant to be that way. and i think that's what makes life special, nothing is permanent, because of that life teaches us how to cherish every moment."

"avengers fought with their dying breath just to give us a second chance, and i'm glad they did. we were all given a second chance to live in this world and i don't want to waste that."

that's when you realized how lucky you are, she's right. you were given a second chance, a second chance to live, to be happy. avengers bled for this, for all of you to return. you should live your life to the fullest, and that's what you're about to do

peter is one of the best things that ever happened to you, maybe he's not with you until the end but at least you manage to be with him and to feel the love from spiderman in the past.

maybe in some other life, in a distant universe, in an unknown world, in a small city, you and peter have your little love story going on, and you both are living there your happily ever after.

disclaimer: all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. the original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

[aubreyprc]

In My Veins 1

Derek, Spencer, JJ and Emily are involved in a car crash. How will the BAU come to terms with the fact the one of them may not make it?

JJ/Will (mentions)

Derek/Spencer (sort of)

and of course, Emily/Aaron

TW// mentions of car crash, mentions of blood and internal bleeding

———————————————————————

“everything will change nothing stays the same nobody is perfect, but everyone’s to blame”

———————————————————————

Just one day ago the team sat in Rossi’s garden enjoying a sunday afternoon off in the sun.

JJ watched as Will and Spencer played a game of two a side football with Henry and Jack, a smile on her face as she listened to her son laugh, before turning to talk to Garcia.

Derek grilled the BBQ, cheering on for Spencer and Jack, winking at his boyfriend when the man turned around and threw a thumbs up when he scored.

Rossi and Emily speak as he pours them both another drink from the outdoor bar he’d just bought. Aaron came up behind her and wrapped his arm round her waist, kissing the side of her head as she leaned into him. Rossi had rolls his eyes at the couple before making Aaron a scotch and telling the two of them to get a room. but not one in his house. please.

Just one day ago the team were happy, laughing and enjoying their day off in the sun.

Now they didn’t know if they’d ever have a day like that again.

-

Aaron is sat in the waiting area of the hospital, his eyes on the wall in front of him while he grips hold of her necklace in his hand that he had made into a fist. His mind runs back to the scene, him and Rossi running towards the car that was at the bottom of the hill, upside down and smashed. He remembers the feeling of absolute dread the minute he caught sight of the vehicle for the first time. The absolute fear when he only saw JJ and Morgan stood there talking to each other while they tried to open a car door. He closes his eyes as Dave takes a seat next to him and places a hand on his shoulder. He takes a deep breath.

“She was only in the back because-“

“Don’t.” Dave stops him, “This isn’t your fault.”

“She shouldn’t have even been with them.”

“I know.” Dave tells him, “But she was. There is not point working yourself up about things you can’t change.”

“She could d-“

“Stop it.” Dave orders, Aaron looks at the older man. “Emily will be fine.”

Aaron turns away and swallows, opening his hand and looking at her necklace that was full of her blood, as were his hands, his shirt, his blazer.

“Yeah..” Aaron whispers while he looks down at the piece of jewellery she’d wore everyday since he’d known her. But he’s not sure he believes it. He’d been with her. He’d seen her, and he didn’t know if a person came back from those injures.

“Go and clean up.” Dave tells him, “When she wakes up she’ll want to see you and I don’t think she’d appreciate you being covered in her blood.”

The unit chief nods and stands up, before walking away slowly towards the toilets.

JJ comes and sits next to Rossi, her arm in a cast, stitches on her head and a busted lip. She’d gotten the best of it. Her worst injury a broken arm a few bruised ribs and Dave could see from the look on her face that the guilt of that was eating her alive.

“How is he?” She asks gently, looking at him with wide eyes.

“He’s coping.” Dave nods, JJ looks to the ground.

“This isn’t fair.” She mumbles, “Why have I only got this but she got-“

“JJ-“

“Maybe if- Why didnt- if we had half of each other’s injures...” She spoke, unsure of how to even word how she felt but knowing Rossi would understand.

“I know.” Rossi nods, “But, we have to think positive right now. For Emily.”

“For Emily.” She nods, and they sit in silence for a few moments before her phone rings, making the both of them jump.

“It’s Will..” She says, Rossi smiles and she takes the call, staring and heading outside.

He looks around the waiting room and the absence of the dark haired, rowdy, agent was sickening. In moments like this he truly realises how easily one of them could be ripped away. How one car crash can leave one of them fighting for their lives, while the others sit and wonder why her? why not them?

Derek finds himself pacing up and down as he mumbles, trying to force himself to remember what happened. How this happened.

His doctor had told him he had to rest, that he had a concussion and several fractured ribs but he couldn’t, he needed to be with his team, he needed to be with them because what if- no. he couldn’t think like that. she’d be fine. she had to be fine. When he wasn’t pacing the waiting room he was stood at Spencer’s bedside, watching as he slept off the morphine from his surgery. The genius had a broken leg from impact, several broken ribs and a concussion, but he had needed surgery due to the internal bleeding from his abdomen. An injury he had ignored while trying to get to Emily before Dave and Hotch had showed up.

Rossi watches as Morgan once again walks back into Spencer’s room just as Garcia walks out.

Garcia takes a deep breath as she squeezes Dereks hand as he passes her, she watches Derek take a seat next to Spencer’s bed and watch him. The rise and fall of his chest. He places a hand in his and Penelope walks away with a sad smile. She takes a seat next to Rossi and looks around.

“Where did JJ go?”

“Will called.”

“Ah..” Garcia says, “He’s on his way I imagine.”

Rossi shruggs in response as Garcia looks away.

“She’s gonna be fine, right?” Penelope asks him.

“Yeah.” Dave tells her with certainly that he doesn’t have. not really.

“I mean it’s Emily. She survives everything.”

“Exactly.” dave says and grabs the woman’s hand and squeezes it.

“God what if-“ She stops and shakes her head, “She’s the glue, you know? She brings us all together. Without her...” Garcia trails off softly, she looks towards Hotch as he walks out of the toilets in a new, bloodless shirt and with clean hands.

“Without her, we loose him. for good this time.” JJ says as she takes a seat next to Rossi. “He came back after haley because of her, because she was there for him... she was able to bring him back.”

“If we loose Hotch...” Garcia says, “If we loose Hotch we loose everyone.”

“Emily is going to be fine.” Dave tells the women, “Nobody is loosing anyone.”

“I think we should prepare for that possibility...” JJ tells them sadly, “She has major, major injuries... the car... it hit her straight on. She-“

“I know.” Rossi says, stopping the woman from making him relive the scene from the crash.

The begs of Aaron asking her to hold on for him. for them. The cries of Spencer and Derek as they tried to, once again, lift the car door that was on top of her, lodged under something that was so much stronger than them.

He can still hear her sort breathes, her soft whispers, her coughs, her choking on her own blood, the way she was trying to assure aaron that it was okay.

He can hear the panicked way Aaron shouted her name a few minutes before the paramedics came.

He was brought from his thoughts when Derek walks out of the room and he stands up, another scene between a worried, scared, heartbroken Aaron and a guilty, shaking, injured Derek was not what they needed. not again. not right now.

Aaron spots derek at the same time other man spots him and Derek can’t help but walk over.

“I’m so sorry.” He tells his boss, his friend, who may loose the women he loves because of him. because he didn’t see the car. he didn’t move out the way fast enough. he swerved the car down the hill and he put spencer before emily. “I didn’t see the car, Hotch. I didn’t see it- And- If she- I’m sorry. This is all my fault and I’m so sorry. I’ll never forgive myself if-“ Derek is crying now, standing a few feet from Aaron, and Dave takes a step forward as Hotch heads towards him, before stopping when Hotch wraps the crying man into his arms.

“It’s not your fault.” Aaron tells the man, and Derek nods against his shoulder and his arms come around the man’s back. “None of this is your fault.”

“I should have seen the car-“

“No.” Aaron tells him, “It could have happened to anyone. This isn’t your fault.”

“I’m sorry.” Morgan whispers to him, Aaron just pats the man on the back and nods.

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He tells him.

The men pull away and Aaron nods, before walking to take a seat in the spot he was sat in before and just stares at her necklace in his hand.

In his mind he doesn’t see her bleeding out in front of him while he tries to keep her conscious, he doesn’t hear her chocking as she tries to breathe or the way her voice is barley a whisper. He doesn’t feel her fading away while he watches derek and spencer try and get the door off her.

He see’s them on Saturday mornings, her laughing at something stupid he’d said while reading the paper. He sees her smiling as he places a gentle kiss on her forehead when he passes her, he hears her softly telling him she loves him in the dark, he hears her talking to his son about anything and everything the boy brings up. He hears her giggle as he kisses just the right spot. He remembers the way she reaches for him in the night, the way she will bury her face in the pillow if they’re woken up before seven, the way her smile can change his mood instantly.

He remembers the way she loved him and the way he loved her.

Aaron is then pulled from that with words that come before the ones that could change the course of his life forever.

“Family of Emily Prentiss?”

All five of them rise.

JJ grabs Garcia’s hand. Rossi holds his head high, trying to not let the fear that he may loose his favourite person take over, Derek just looks ahead and Aaron holds his breath and grips her necklace and they brace themselves.

Just one day ago the team were happy, laughing and enjoying their day off in the sun.

Now they didn’t know if they’d ever be a team ever again.

[strayingdawn]

Can I request a felix one where they go to a small shop to buy snacks at midnight and get in a tiny bit of trouble with the store owner by accident?

Of course! And sorry this took so long, I hope you like it! :) (I didn’t mean for it to get this long...oops. Sorry about that) >and feedback from anyone is always appreciated uwu

wc: 1,8k

——————————————————————————

“Are you crying?” Felix asked you with slight amusement in his eyes as he lifted one eyebrow.

“What?! Why would I be cr-” A startling hiccup interrupted your sentence. “... Okay, maybe I teared up a little.” No one would believe your failed attempt at denial if they could see you, and Felix had a front-row seat. Your red-rimmed eyes slightly stung as more salty streams of tears flowed down your face. The image was quite pitiful without context. However, in this scenario, Felix couldn’t help but let a few giggles escape him.

You and Felix had been trying to schedule a night to spend together for weeks, maybe even months at this point. Whenever you both thought you had finally set a date, one of your teachers would rip it from your fingertips and replace it with a new project or test to study for. Sure, you could have study dates, but you both know that your heightened crackhead energy when together and deliriousness induced by deadlines would not mix well. In short, you would both fail. And if you weren’t both drowning in assignments, either you would have a club meeting or Felix would have a swim meet.

However, finally, the odds were in your favor. After many tiring weeks of missing each other's warmth, smiles, and comfort, you both found a clear weekend.

So, tonight, you’re in your bedroom, surrounded by many blankets you didn’t even know you owned inside the elaborate fort you and Felix managed to somehow build. Of course, the first attempt failed after you “accidentally” passed a pillow to Felix while he wasn’t looking which resulted in a pillow fight, and Felix cheating by tickling you. Obviously, you still won, but that’s not important. You finally finished your fort after cleaning up the pillows and blankets that were scattered everywhere (including the pillow that somehow ended up on a curtain rod) and prepared Disney+ for your movie marathon while Felix got snacks downstairs.

Now, the reason why you’re crying right now. You and Felix were well aware that as long as you were involved, it wasn’t truly a Disney+ movie marathon if Hamilton was not played at least once throughout the night. And Felix is always willing to tolerate your addiction to the music and action that is Hamilton. However, with the number of times you’ve already watched it, which has surely exceeded fifty, he didn’t think you would still have the ability to cry by the final curtain call. Clearly, he was mistaken.

“Haven’t you seen this like fifty times?” he questioned with skepticism in his voice and some confusion painted on his face, especially since you usually remained neutral through any movie, despite the occasional teary eyes.

“Who cares! It’s heartbreaking seeing his monologue before death, Burr’s guilt, and then Eliza goes on to tell his story and the stories of others,” more sobs break through the air as you recall the final scenes. Sure, you could admit you were being a little dramatic, but how could anyone not find someone’s death and unfinished legacy depressing. “Wait...did we run out of snacks?”

But of course, food is some of the best medicine for sadness, and easily snaps you out of your misery.

“Huh, I guess so…”

“Well, what do you want to watch next? I can set it up while you get more.”

“About that...those were all the snacks you had…”

“What! What do you mean that’s all I had? It wasn’t even that much!” You knew you went through lots of snacks this past week while you studied since you usually pushed eating an actual meal to the side, prioritizing your work. But you didn’t know you basically cleared out the kitchen.

“Well, what are you yelling at me for? I’m not the one who runs on four hours of sleep a night and depends on candy and coffee to make up for it.”

“Okay, now's not the time point to point out my poor life choices.” You paused for a second, trying to think of a solution for your dilemma. “Well, what are we supposed to do now? It’s,” you glanced at your bedside clock, “12:00 am.”

“We could go to that little shop down the street” Felix suggested, but you weren’t sure you should go anywhere this late at night, especially in your current state, even though the idea of food was pretty persuading.

“I don’t know..should we be going out this late?” You were all for adventures, and you considered your neighborhood to be pretty safe, but your warm fort and stuffed animals tempted you to stay. Felix noticed your hesitation.

“Come on. It’s not like we’ve never gone out for a late-night snack before...plus, we can get creamsicles,” he said, nudging your shoulders, knowing you couldn’t deny your favorite ice cream. Curse Felix and the way he knows you like the back of his hand.

You sighed, also knowing he had you hooked. “Fine,” you huffed. “Let’s go.” You stood up and held out your hand, which he gladly grasped onto as he rose to his feet as well.

“Wow, you’ll really do anything for creamsicles,” Felix teased with a slight smirk that you could see in your peripheral vision.

“Oh shut up, you act like we’re going on some death-defying journey,” you roll your eyes at Felix’s attempt to provoke you. He simply shrugged his shoulders and chuckled a little.

As soon as you stepped out of your front door, you felt the gentle breeze envelope you. It wasn’t too cold nor was it too warm; it was slightly cool and simply refreshing. The soft wind pushed your hoodie and sweatpants into your body like a hug and blew your hair out of your face giving you a clear view of the night sky. The stars twinkled like glitter on a black piece of paper. You felt connected with everything as you inhaled a deep breath. You started to get lost in your surroundings until Felix’s slight tug on your arm brought you back to reality.

“Oh, sorry. I forgot how much I enjoy nights like these.” You had a relaxed smile on your face, as you admired the stars and the shapes they created while walking beside him.

Felix simply hummed, submitting the earlier, breathtaking image of you at such peace into his memory. “It’s fine. It does feel really nice out here. Aren’t you glad I convinced you to come?” He asked in a rather teasing tone.

“Yeah, yeah. Ya did good.” You rolled your eyes while letting out a chuckle. Felix followed with some of his famous giggles.

The rest of the small, five-minute walk was filled with little jokes and clowning each other if the other one tripped or stumbled. Before you knew it you were already walking into the little shop, and the woman, who you assumed was the owner since you’ve seen them at the shop in passing many times when the shop was closed, greeted you both, fairly friendly despite this late hour.

You and Felix separated once he suggested you could split up, considering you both knew each other’s likes and dislikes fairly well. You wandered across the beige floor tiles towards the chip aisle, while the drinks caught Felix’s attention.

After choosing seven bags of different chips, for variety of course, you noticed a certain stand-alone display across from you. It held quite the selection of little cake snacks. It seemed new which piqued your interest, so you decided to search for something that might suit your taste. Apparently, you must have been so focused on the baked goods that you didn’t even hear Felix’s steps coming toward you. Felix also noticed your diverted attention.

“Boo!”

Now, those who knew you well also knew your tendencies to be dramatic, especially when startled. So Felix’s sudden exclamation had you springing forward, arms flailing...right into the display. The whole snack arrangement wasn’t even that big, shorter than you, but it still managed to make a great boom and fading rumble as the impact sent waves of vibrations through the metal and some cakes went flying in different directions.

At first, you were frozen in complete shock, staring at the disaster in front of you. Until you caught a glimpse of the freckled boy who was now beside you, also surprised by your reaction.

“Felix!” You whisper-shouted in an accusing tone, even though the clear, loud crash surely already caught the store owner’s attention.

“What do you mean ‘Felix’? You’re the one who knocked it over!”

“And you’re the one who scared me which made me knock it over!”

“Well I didn’t know you were almost worse than Hyunjin and his dramatics!”

You let out an exasperated and somewhat panicked sigh. “Well, what do we-”

“Oh my goodness!” Oh no. You wouldn’t have to think about your question for too long, as the owner would surely give a solution. Whether that was good or bad, you didn’t know yet.

“Wh- I-I am s-so sorry! I was startled, a-and accidentally knocked it over! I promise it was an accident-” you fumbled for the right words to say, hoping the store owner would have mercy on you.

“Um...it’s fine..accidents do happen. However, you’ll have to pay for this mess you’ve created one way or another.” She still wore a calm, sweet smile that eased your worries.

“O-of course! We will gladly clean this mess for you.”

Felix noticed your specific choice of pronouns. “We?” You only jabbed Felix’s side with your elbow and confirmed what you said under your breath. As Felix attempted to reason with you, the store owner grabbed a garbage bin for the few treats that didn’t take the fall as well as others.

Forty-five minutes and a whining Felix later, the display was basically back to its original state, minus a few snacks. Thankfully, the owner didn’t immediately kick you out after your work was done and continued to assure you that the two of you were still welcome anytime. So, you both walked out with bags full of drinks and food to last you a week full of movie marathons, unless you get flooded with work and revert to old habits, of course.

“I still can’t believe you dragged me into your mess,” Felix commented, still seeming a little salty about being forced, by you, to clean up the little cakes crushed by the display. However, you knew his frown was only a disguise, so he could give you a hard time. Felix would have helped even if you had begged him not to. He might laugh at your misery first but would still lend a hand nevertheless.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad. Besides, it was worth it,” you held up the bag you were holding full of ice cream. A smile slowly appeared on your face as you remembered Felix’s words from earlier. Felix seemed to catch on quickly, so you both spoke your thoughts aloud.

“Anything for creamsicles.”

[starshine583]

Journal Entries (4)

(This journal entry is connected to Chapter 5 of New Girl on the Block!)

Entry 1 / Entry 3

Friday, January 18th

The mystery of Marinette Dupain-Cheng continues to unfold before my very eyes. To start this off, I’ll explain how I came across the new clues in the first place. I visited the Dupain-Cheng bakery (a very quaint shop) to learn how to bake croissants today, as I mentioned the day before.. Marinette’s parents were extremely open and welcoming to us (much like my own mother) and showed us around the kitchen. It was a decent size with at least four ovens. I’d expect nothing less for a successful bakery. M. Tom, Marinette’s father, was the one to teach us, and his teaching skills were relatively easy to follow, especially since I had Marinette as a partner. She may not remember how to watch the time, but she certainly knows how to mix and measure ingredients. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for Claude to throw our group into chaos once again. Mlle. Sabine requested M. Tom’s assistance for a minimum of five minutes, and in that time, Claude managed to cover himself and Allegra in flour by accidentally dumping the bag. Then, when Marinette tried to get more flour, she tripped and caused us both to fall to the flour, inevitably dumping the flour on myself as well. In hindsight, I probably should have expected her to fall due to her clumsy nature, but at the time, I was too busy rolling my eyes at Claude for wasting the Dupain-Cheng’s assets. After we fell, she picked up the flour bag (Which was extremely heavy. I still don’t know how she lifted it with one hand. Does she secretly lift weights or is she simply accustomed to carrying bags of flour for her father?) and apologized. I told her it was fine, because what could I have done? We were both already ghost white with flour. Getting upset wouldn’t do anything but make her feel worse. Allan started laughing at us, so Marinette threw flour onto him as well. I have to admit, it was the highlight of my day. That is, however, until M. Tom re-entered the room. He was extremely forgiving about the matter, though, even laughing and telling us we had the “baking spirit”. I have yet to find out what that means. Anyway, we finished the croissants, and Marinette’s parents sent us up to her room to take a shower and get changed. Marinette had outfits that she’d designed to give to us. They were positively exquisite. I have no doubt that she’ll make a fine fashion designer once she’s old enough to join the competitive world. Her bedroom is also where I found the “clues” I was referred to earlier. It was a large chest full of various gifts, and upon further inspection, I discovered that they were all gifts for a single person by the name of “Adrien”. My theory is that this “Adrien” fellow is an old flame and possibly the person who’s been following her (She mentioned the perpetrator being a “he”). Could he be trying to reconcile with her? That would certainly explain why she’s avoiding him and why she appeared to be distressed at his presence. I shall do my best to uncover more information.

A few extra things to note, should they be important:

1. Marinette’s room is completely covered in pink. That leads me to believe it is her favorite color.

2. Her love of fashion is quite evident, as there are sketches and sewing needles and such everywhere. She even has a mannequin.

3. She has a few different cat toys strewn across the room, yet I didn’t see a single cat during our visit. Perhaps they put the cat in another room, or she simply plays with the strays that often roam around Paris.

That is all, for now. I’ll be sure to make an update as soon as I can.

-

Dear Diary,

Today was a total blast! Allan, Allegra, Claude, and Felix all came over as planned, and we had so much fun! Felix actually got here a little early, but Maman and Papa definitely didn’t mind. I kind of felt bad for him, though, because that meant he got singled out with their hugs, but he said it was fine. He also said that his mother was kind of like my parents, which is pretty cool. I never really thought about what Felix’s parents would be like, but with how collected and short he can be, I assumed they would be the same way. Knowing that his mom acted like mine makes him feel more.. Human. If that makes sense. Anyway, baking was great. Claude accidentally spilled the flour, though. Then I did a few minutes later. (Right onto Felix too! It was so embarrassing. We were both completely covered) Allan started laughing at us, so Felix suggested that I throw the flour onto him too, which I totally did. We were all dying of laughter. I didn’t think Felix could be such a jokester- aside from his sarcastic remarks -but I guess I’m learning a lot about him now. Papa found our mess right after I threw the flour and asked what happened. Even though I knew we wouldn’t be in trouble, I panicked and just said it was my fault, but everyone immediately stood up for me. Even Felix! It was super sweet. After the croissants, I gave everyone some extra outfits that I finished making recently. They all loved them. :D Then we played games and really just hung out in general. Claude and Allan kept trying to beat me at Mecha Strike 3, but of course, I creamed them. That didn’t stop them from trying, though. Allan said that he had tons of games at his house, and that we should all come over sometime to play! I hope we actually get to do that soon. Maman called us down for supper sometime after that, and Claude absolutely loved it. He scarfed down every bit of it and even asked for some to go! I kind of wonder how he stays so fit with everything he eats. Maybe he just has a fast metabolism. Anyway, they left not too long after that, which I was kind of sad about, but I’ll see them Monday! Chat came by later tonight too, and I noticed he was acting kind of weird. He kept asking me about Dupont and my old friends.. I hope he’s doing okay.

I have to start on homework now, but I’ll talk to you again soon. Goodbye for now, Dear Diary!

[alice-angel12x]

💔Father!Kalim x Son!Reader x Jamil

Not Romantic, platonic family love! sequel to the Jamil x reader story.

Get ready 'cause I'm feeling angsty and was inspired by Hamilton.

Y/n was the firstborn son of Kalim Al-Asim and Amina Akilah and was the most hard-working son. Sadly Y/n would get overshadowed by his 20 other step-siblings, That Fool Kalim can't even remember his firstborn son's name and was more in tune with his other more carefree children. Y/n studied hard and achieved more than those brats, he did all this to earn some approval and praise from that fool. And what he gets is a simple pat on the head and a 'good job' as he goes off and rides through town with his other children. Jamil was in love with Kalim's first wife, but when she passed he swore to take care of Y/n in her place. So his anger grew whenever he saw that Kalim never acknowledged his own first-born son's great potential. So Jamil happily became Y/n's father-figure, even seeing Y/n as his own while Kalim favors his younger son, Adnan, from Kalim's second wife.  

Adnan was a spoiled brat who simply like to appeal to his father's carefree nature, earning his status as the favorite child. And because of this, he bullied his other siblings and play the victim when they fight back. Jamil would admit the boy was clever in kissing up to his father to convince him to give him everything in his will. And he was good at sports, but that is it. The boy wasn't smart and didn't care to learn or study. He would use his power over his other siblings to get him decent grades. 

Jamil sighed as he brought his young master's lunch.

"Y/n, your lunch is ready," Jamil said as he placed the plates on the desk, " What are you doing?"

"I want to try to pick up an instrument, maybe that father will notice me. Mr. Azul said that Father likes to dance and play music. Can you teach me music and dancing?" Y/n begged.

"If this is to win back the inheritance Adnan-"

"No it's not about the inheritance, I just want to spend time with Father. I want to at least remember me and my name," Y/n frowned.

'Why do you want to spend time with that fool? I was more of a father to you than him,' Jamil thought to himself.

"Alright, recently Kalim has been really interested in the Piano," Jamil said as he masked a smile.

So the next month Jamil taught Y/n everything he knew about playing the piano and a few other assortments of instruments. As Jamil taught him, he noticed that Y/n quickly picked up on music easily and quickly, and even enjoyed it. So he did have something from Kalim.

"Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf (un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf )

Good, un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit (un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf)Sept-huit-neuf (sept-huit-neuf)Sept-huit-neuf (sept-huit-neuf)One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine," The two sang togeather.

______

Y/n happily ran over to his father and showed off his musical talent's much to Kalim's amazement.

"Father, Father, look My name is Y/n I am a poet, I wrote this poem just to show it. And I just turned nine, You can write rhymes but you can't write mine," Y/n sang as he played the piano.

"What!" Kalim smiled as he sat next to his son.

"I practice French and play piano with Jamil. I have a bother, but I want a little sister," Y/n continued.

 "Okay," Kalim chuckled.

"Un deux trois quatre cinq," Y/n finished with a smile.

"Bravo!" Kalim cheered.

 Kalim happily gave him tips on each instrument as they made a small two-person band. From that point on Kalim and Y/n spent more and more Father and son time, and even became more involved in Y/n's life. Much to Jamil's slight dismay. Kalim and Y/n would spend time playing instruments to entertain guests, or could even be found playing board and card games together. His once-forgotten son, to his pride and joy within a year.

"And Check Mate," Y/n said proudly.

"Again?! alright one more game," Kalim laughed.

Jamil brought Kalim his dinner for the night when he noticed, Kalim looking over Y/n's great accomplishments, all proudly presented on Y/n's bedroom wall.

"Master Kalim?" Jamil called.

"Jamil, Kalim is just fine. Your my friend," Kalim smiled at Jamil, " Y/n my son, I never knew he was such a genius."

"Y-yes, your son is a very bright boy," Jamil said as he forced a smile.

"I feel terrible now that I realize I'm leaving him empty-handed once I pass," Kalim frowned as he hung his head.

_______

As years went by Y/n continued to grow to be a handsome young man and be on top of his classes, and showed great skill in his music skills, and Kalim was there for him the entire time. Word about Y/n spread far and wide across the Land of Hot Sands and even was heard by The Sultan of the land.

"Mr.  Al-Asim, I hear that you have a very exceptional son, is that true?" The Sultan asked as Kalim and Y/n bowed before him.

"Yes, he is a very bright boy," Kalim said with a calm and confidant smile.

"I've been looking new advisor, and I hope he is as good as they say," The Sultan said simply as he left the  Al-Asim household.

"Father, Do you really think I'm up to the task?" Y/n asked nervesly.

"I am confident you have what it takes to be the best Advisor in this generation," Kalim smiled brightly.

---------

"I don't know if I can do this, Jamil, I'm not ready," Y/n panicked as he passed back and forth.

Jamil rolled his eyes as he grabbed Y/n's shoulders.

"Y/n, calm down," Jamil said, " you are the son of the smart  Amina Akilah, I know you're more than capable."

"Thank's Jamil," Y/n smiled as he kneeled before him," For always looking out for me when I needed someone to turn to."

"Y/n I'm just a servant, I did what I was required to do," Jamil said as he turned away from Y/n.

Y/n was able to catch a quick glimpse of a hint of sadness in Jamil's eyes. If Y/n were to be chosen as the advisor to the Sultan he would spend most or all of his time in the castle. Jamil was going to miss the young boy, but he quickly barrier those sorrows had hurried Y/n out of the house.

The Sultan sent a trial for the candidates, and whoever passed would be his advisor. Using this to weed out the less impressive, and soon it was down to Y/n and on another proud candidate, Abbas. 

Abbas noticed with each trail Y/n grew more and more favor with the Sultan. Abbas was an older man who worked hard to even step foot into the palace, but he had dark reasons for wanting to become the advisor. The sultan was a carefree man, and a kind ruler, easy to manipulate. Surly the Sultan would choose a wiser older man with more experience than this ignorant rich boy, Abbas thought to himself.

So when the sultan chose the young  Y/n, Abbas's anger took hold as he drew his gun and aimed for the Sultan and BANG!!!

"Someone apprehend that man!!"

"Call the doctor!!"

"Call for the boy's father!!" The Sultan creamed as he held a dying Y/n in his arm. 

---------

"Where's my son?!" Kalim asked as he entered the hospital.

"Mr. Al-Asim, come in, they brought him in half an hour ago," The healer said, "He lost a lot of blood on the way over (stay alive)"

"Is he alive?" Kalim asked as his heart raced.

"Yes, but you have to understand, The bullet entered just above his hip and lodged in his right arm," The healer tried to explain. "The bullet was coated in some unknown poison,"

"Can I see him please?" Kalim asked as tears ran down his face.

"I'm doing everything I can but the wound was already infected when he arrived," The healer frowned.

"Y/n," Kalim gasped.

"Father!" Y/n smiled weakly.

"I did exactly as you said, Pa held my head up high."

"I know, I know, shh (high)I know, I know, shh," Kalim said, trying to get Y/n to save his energy."I know you did everything just right,"

"Even before we got to ten 

I was aiming for the sky 

I was aiming for the sky," Y/n repeated as he grew weaker.

 "I know, I know, shhI know, save your strength and stay alive!" Kalim begged.

Jamil wandered to the door of the room, unaware of why Kalim rushed here in such a hurry. Til he saw Y/n laying on the bed, growing paler by the minute.

"NO!" Jamil cried out as he ran into the room.

"Jamil," Kalim gasped.

"Is he breathing? Is he going to survive this?" Jamil gasped as he hugged the injured boy close, " Who did this, Kalim, did you know?"

"Jamil, I'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me," Y/n chocked out in pain.

At that moment Jamil couldn't hold back his tears as his emotions break through his usual cool facade, as he cried out the words he always wished he could say to Y/n.

"My son," Jamil cried as he turned to Y/n.

"We played piano," Y/n said in pain.

"I taught you piano," Jamil smiled through his tears.

"You would put your hands on mine," Y/n said slowly.

"You changed the melody every time," Jamil said as he chocked out a laugh.

"I would always change the line," Y/n said.

"Shh, I know, I know," Jamil shushed softly.

"I would always change the line," Y/n repeated.

"I know, I know. Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf," Jamil said as Y/n copied, " Good Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf."

Jamil paused after Y/n suddenly stopped singing with him.

"Sept-huit-neuf. Sept-huit," Jamil stuttered, "NOOO!"

That hospital room soon was full of cries of mourning.

----------

Kalim stood behind Jamil, who was standing over Y/n's grave. His umbrella has long been toasted aside as he was soaked to the bone. Kalim tried to comfort his friend as he placed flowers of hydrangeas and Sunflowers on his son's grave. Kalim turned to Jamil, to ask him to come out of the rain.

"Leave Me!" Jamil growled without looking at Kalim.

Kalim backed away as he slowly joined his wife and kids inside the house. Jamil stood over the two graves, one for Y/n Al-Asim, the other Amina Akilah.

"Please," Jamil croaked softly, " Y/n, Amina, take me with you." 

_______

[sunny-flower-girl-01]

Ohana- A Hawaii Five-0 Fanfic Chapter Five

This chapter is not what I wanted, but I'm not too sorry about how it planned out. I'm sorry it's so short but I wanted to try and get back on a schedule after last week. I had no kids at work so I was on office duty all week and had absolutely no time to write. I got this out in two days so go easy on me lol. Please enjoy this chapter though! It's nothing but Steve and Thea :)

Thea’s POV: 

I could stop the tears falling the entire time I waited for Steve. I moved from the bar to the couch and stared at the papers in front of me. My father wants custody of Nora. After all these years, he’s deciding now to be a father. He has some nerves. I glanced over at the pictures on the wall of me and Nora throughout the years. The memories I had made with her, the childhood she had because of me. I did everything in my power to give her a childhood, something I didn’t have myself. I made sure she was able to be a kid and didn’t have to take care of anyone like I did. I never cared that she wasn’t biologically my daughter. She was MY baby. I raised her. Not him or anyone else, it was me. This can’t be happening right now. 

A loud knock came from my front door. “Thea!” 

I slowly got off the couch and rushed to the door. As soon as the door was open, I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I had never hugged him before, but God, I’m going to start hugging him now. He arms wrapped around me instantly and moved me farther into the house. I heard the door close behind him. It felt so calming being held by him. 

His hands rubbed my back soothingly as his head rested on mine. “What happened?” He asked quietly. 

I buried my face in his chest. “He’s going to take her from me.” I sobbed. Steve pulled back and looked down at me. He kept his arms wrapped around me. 

“Who’s taking who from you?” He followed me to the living room. I picked up the papers and handed them to him. He studied them for a moment before looking at me. “Whose Peter Kenwood?” He asked. 

I lowered myself onto the couch. Steve reached out and helped me down before sitting next to me. “He’s mine and Nora’s... Father. If you even want to call him that.” I wiped my eyes. “He hasn’t even seen Nora, never even protested when I got custody the first time but now, he wants to have full custody of her!” The sadness has passed now, and I was angry. How could my ‘father’ do this to me? How the hell does he think he is? Well, I know who he is. 

Steve continued to read through the papers. “This is just a petition to change custody. No decision is being made just yet.” He said. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. I was starting to notice that little squeezed like that was something he did often. Like he did it as a reassurance that he was here.

I looked up at him, his green eyes staring directly into mine. “She’s not going anywhere. No one is going to let him take her from you. I’m not going to let him take her from you.” 

Another tear slipped down my cheek as he said it. “He has a lot of friends and business associates… He might win.” With my elbow propped on the back of the couch, pressed my forehead against my palm. “He has enough money to get a whole team of lawyers, I can’t even afford one.” I groaned. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to dump all this on you.” Steve wiped my tears away with his thumb as he cupped my cheek. 

“That’s why I’m here, Thea.” 

I shook my head and looked up at him. “I just don’t know what to do. She’s MY daughter, Steve. I can’t lose her.” The anger was coming back. I blame the pregnancy for the mood swings. 

“Between you and Five-0, he won’t stand a chance of getting her, okay?” He pulled me close to him, kissing the top of my head. “Just let me do some digging around.” 

God, having him hold me felt amazing. I had dreamed about this for weeks, not exactly having imagined it like this though. Having to comfort me in a situation like this was not something I thought I would be going through right now. I wrapped my arms around his middle and leaned into him. He kept his arms around me as he put the papers back in the envelope and tossed them on the coffee table. He leaned back onto the couch, never letting go of me. We sat there together for a few minutes, neither of us saying anything. I turned my head slightly, so my forehead was against his shoulder. Steve had his head leaned down on mine. Almost as if he were enjoying having me in his arms like I was. 

“I’m sorry I pulled you away from the party.” I said quietly. I still didn’t trust my voice to not break down again. 

He shook his head again. “You didn’t. Everyone left a few minutes after you did.” He paused for a moment. His hand was still running up and down my back. It hasn’t really stopped since he got here. The hand traveled up to my shoulder and squeezed gently. “I would have come anyway.” He whispered into my hair. 

I couldn’t keep the slight smile off my face even if I tried. I sat up a little bit to look at him, our faces were just a few inches apart. “Thank you for coming.” I whispered. 

He smiled softly at me. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” 

Before I could stop myself, I pressed my lips to his. I felt Steve move slightly and I quickly backed up and got off the couch. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I did not mean to do that!” Steve stood up from the couch and reached for my arm.

“Thea-” I pulled out of the reach and headed to the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry.” I mumbled. I leaned against the bar and put my head in my hands. ‘What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do that! He doesn’t see you like that! You’re the mother of his children.’ I groaned and tried to keep my tears back. ‘He probably thinks you’re hormonal’. I didn’t look up at Steve when he walked into the kitchen. I bet the look on his face was the serious aneurysm face that Grace talked about. I fucked up big time. He came up right behind me, his hand on my arm light, like he expected me to pull away from him.

“Thea, please look at me.”

I hesitantly turned around and looked up at him. “Look, I’m sorry. That was inappro-” I was cut off by him cupping the back of my neck and pulling me to him. His lips pressed against mine a bit rougher than the first time, holding me close to him. I put my hands up on his chest to push him back, but I couldn’t. I melted into the kiss, my hands moving up his chest to wrap around his neck. His other arm moved down my back and around my waist. He pulled me as close as he could with my bump in the way. Before I had a chance to deepen the kiss, he pulled away, but didn’t let go of me. Our foreheads are still touching, and I could still feel his breath on my face. My eyes were still closed. I was scared that if I opened them, he was going to push me away.

His thumb stroked my cheek gently. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a few weeks now.” He whispered.

One of my hands moved to his wrist and squeezed gently. “Don’t do that if you don’t mean it.” 

He kissed me again but pulled away before I could react to it. I finally opened my eyes to see him looking down at me. “I mean it, okay? I’ve wanted to tell you for the last two weeks, but I didn’t know how, as cheesy and cliche as that sounds. I like and care about you, Thea.” He said, looking me in the eyes. “I know the situation we’re in right now isn’t exactly normal,” His hand went to my stomach. He only touched my bump once when I felt one of the babies move. We had tried to see if he would be able to feel it, but he couldn’t. I was hoping in the next few weeks he’d finally be able to feel them move like I had been. “But I want to be with you.” He said. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. 

I took a deep breath and tried, for the umpteenth time tonight, to keep the tears from falling. ‘Goddamn pregnancy hormones’ I pushed away from him a bit so I could look at him. “Steve, I want to be with you too, but it isn’t just me I need to worry about.” He nodded in understanding. “Nora is the most important person in my life. I need you to know and understand that before anything can happen. I’m always going to choose my kids over anything else.” Most guys tended to run off after I made that confession. Though I was never sure if it was the kid part or the not coming in first on my list of priorities, that scared them away. I didn’t think that it would scare Steve away. He is about to have twins. But I knew it was something that still needed to be said. 

He nodded again. “I know. I know how important Nora is to you. Honestly, she’s become important to me too. She’s a great kid and I…” He took my hand again, holding it close to him. “I want you both.” 

I smiled, walking closer and looking up at him. ‘How have I not noticed how much taller he is?’ 

“Well, luckily for you, we’re both pretty fond of you.” I grinned. He leaned down to kiss me, but we were interrupted by my phone going off. I pulled away from him. “That’s probably Rachel.” I said. I walked into the living room and picked up my phone. 

“Hey Rach.” I sat on the sofa. 

Steve’s POV:

I couldn’t help but grin to myself as I watched her walk to the living room. I spent the last few weeks going over and over about how I was going to tell her I had feelings for her, only to have her kiss me. I really didn’t see that coming, but I knew that I should have. Danny had been telling me that I was freaking out over nothing and that I was doing what I always did when feelings were involved. I was panicking. ‘You need to thaw out your heart sometimes and let people in’ Is what he’s been telling me since I met him. Between my family issues and my life in the military letting people in like that was somewhat foreign to me. But after this with Thea, I wasn’t as scared anymore. 

I glanced around at the kitchen. I had only been inside her apartment a few times. Once when I helped Thea carry groceries up. ‘She doesn’t need to be doing that on her own, not while she’s pregnant’ And once when I sat with Nora for a few minutes while Thea was getting her bag ready to spend the night at Danny’s. It was a cute place, but like she said earlier, not big enough for her, Nora, and two babies. As I looked around, I smiled at the pictures of her and Nora she had on the fridge. There was no way I was going to let someone, biological parent or not, take Nora away from her. It was clear to anyone that saw them together that Thea was her parent, not Peter Kenwood. 

I looked into the living room and smiled again at Thea. She was telling Nora goodnight. 

“Good night baby. I’ll see you in the morning okay?” I said softly, smiling as she talked. 

I knew from here on that these were my girls. I wasn’t going to let anyone take them away from me. 

Please let me know what you think! I'm currently writing the next chapter so hopefully it'll be up soon. I already have the twins named picked out, I'm hoping you guys like them. If you have any ideas for the gender reveal I would love to hear them!

[casnextdoor]

been crying and listening to the same few songs all day so im turning this feeling into ,, this ???

Warning; substance abuse (sort of??), a shit ton of nonverbal self deprecation (done more so in action??), ot7 are kinda lifesavers but mostly jungkook, fratboy!bts, JK’s eyebrow piercing is REAL, mention of suicide, very angsty dawg.

———————

The echo-y sound of This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory played through the empty bathroom.

You found yourself intoxicated beyond belief in a bathroom at a frat party. The party had died down eventually leaving you to be one the few who remained, drinking and smoking until you couldn’t quite feel your face.

How you ended up in the corner of a small, scarily sterile half bathroom you weren’t sure. You were hyper focused on the music whispering around you and didn’t miss the switching of the song. The familiar riff of 505 by Arctic Monkey drifted into the quiet of the white bathroom.

Your eyes drifted closed, imagining yourself in a place that isn’t there. A place where it was night all the time and where fun was endless. The alcohol seemed never ending and the pills were kept in a ten foot deep pool that you could swim in. The thought of that made you smile.

“Hey! Party’s over!” A voice said harshly, causing your eyebrows to shoot up and eyes to flutter open, flitting over to the open bathroom door.

He was wearing a leather jacket and his purple hair was pulled back in a ponytail, a few strands falling loose and framing his face. Two little studs above and below his eyebrow glimmered at you in the fluorescent light. For some reason, the sight of him made you nauseous. Or maybe it was the three four lokos and seven shots-

Before you knew what was happening, you had crawled over to the toilet, emptying the contents of your stomach into the no longer sterile toilet bowl.

He stumbled over quickly, taking hold of your loose curls in his tatted hands, forming a flimsy makeshift ponytail.

When you’d successfully ridded yourself of your breakfast, lunch and alcoholic beverages, you shrugged him off before clambering to your feet and pushing past him out of the bathroom.

You’d walked the vaguely familiar path to the kitchen counter, quickly grabbing the freshly opened Jack Daniels bottle and stumbled your way to the front door.

Unbeknownst to you, the mystery man had followed you all the way out into the front yard, watching sympathetically as you took frequent swigs from the now half-full bottle. He kept watching as you took a seat at the end of his driveway, pulling your knees up to your chest.

He watched until he felt a presence beside him. When he looked he found Jimin watching you too.

“How long has she been doing that?” He asked, shuffling his feet nervously.

“Like twenty minutes now. The bottles’ almost empty.” Jungkook said, rubbing a thumb under his lower lip.

“She drank the whole thing? Kookie, go stop her!” Jimin seemed to be quite panicked and he didn’t know why.

Jungkook nodded, before jogging down the driveway toward you. He sat next to you, brushing his hands off on his tight jeans. He was close enough to brush knees with you, which he did to get your attention.

“You look lonely. And drunk. Need a ride home?” He asked, hoping you’d look at him.

“Home? Ha! I don’t need a ride. My story ends in about ten minutes. Don’t worry, it won’t be in your driveway.” You drunkenly stand to your feet, preparing to walk yourself down the street when you felt a strong hand grip your wrist.

“Hey. Just come inside. Your drunk, just crash here.” There was a strong sense of panic wracking through JK’s body and he wasn’t sure why. He knew what you were implying, but it wasn’t in his character to really care.

Behind him, the other five boys had collected next to Jimin to watch and hear the scene unfold. Taehyung had turned to Namjoon, face filled with worry and panic.

“Hyung, what if she’s in trouble? We gotta stop her.” It didn’t come out as strong as Tae would’ve liked it too. He wasn’t too familiar with situations like this and didn’t have much of an idea of how to stop it.

Namjoon could only draw blanks. He didn’t know what he was going to do, silently willing one of his Hyung’s to have an idea.

Yoongi stood between Jin and Hoseok, watching on in horror as Jungkook tried to convince this nameless girl to come in the house.

She had just laughed him off, downing the rest of the bottle of whiskey before pulling her wrist from his hand.

“Your friends are waiting on you. Nice party, kid.” You stumbled away, humming the quiet tune of the aforementioned Coyote Theory song.

“Please. Please just stay. Stay with us for as long as you’d like. I just need you to stay here.” At this point he was hollering after you, watching you walk away from him, in complete and utter fear.

“Dude you don’t even know me! We’ve never even spoken. I was just one more person you’d cross paths with. One more small dust sized blimp in your timeline. Go back to living. I’ve got nothing left to live for!” You turned around, smiling brightly at him, eyes glossed over and feet stumble-y.

The boys had moved to stand beside Jungkook, trying hard to think of something to say or do to get you to stay.

“Let us show you what its like to live for something!” Namjoon call after you.

You’d stopped dead in your tracks, twirling around on the heel of your foot before —drunkenly— storming towards the group of seven boys.

“What did you just say?” Your eyes were squinted in their direction, fist clenched at your side and wild curls falling in your face. You don’t know what was making you mad. Maybe it was their persistence. Maybe it was the idea that is felt like an act of sympathy. You didn’t need sympathy; You needed this to be over.

“Just come inside. Spend the night with us. Give us seventy-two hours to find you something to live for.” Jungkook had stepped toward you. His hand wrapped around your fist, eyes pleading with you. You stared at him for a while, eyes crossing a bit to get a good look at him.

He was being sincere. That much was obvious. And to be honest you weren’t quite sure of how go about this. But there was something here. Something in the way they all were staring you down. In the way his hand held your fist. It was telling you to give into him. To them. To let them help you.

What’ve you got to lose?

———————————

i’ll probably delete this later on . this was written purely on the feeling of sadness . and i wrote it somewhat to make myself feel better so it’ll probably go back to my drafts . but for now enjoy my self indulgent angst . mercury is in retrograde btw so this is very justified .

[certifiedskywalker]

Making the Most of This - Carol Danvers

Carol is back on Earth for an in-person conference. After hours of meetings, updates, and tactical planning, you and Carol decide to make the most of her time on the planet. What that means to you and what that means to Carol happens to be one in the same.

You slumped back against the hair the minute the holographic visage of Rocket’s raccoon form flickered out of sight. An instinctive sigh fell from your lips as you settled in the laid back seat with your eyes closed. For a moment, you forgot where you were and everything that had happened. That moment was peaceful, almost serene. At least it was until you heard someone clear their throat.

“Comfortable?” You peeled one eye open and saw Natasha, strong arms crossed against her chest, staring at you. Under her piercing eyes, you sat up and feigned a sense of alertness.

“Sorry, just-“ A small, muffled laugh cut you off from the other side of the conference table. You glanced up and felt your face go warm.

“Someone’s tired,” Carol mused with a smile. Lingerings of her laughter were spread along her features: her bright brown eyes and rosy cheeks.

“Y-Yeah, a bit, I guess.” Your whole body tensed under Carol’s soft gaze and you wanted to disappear. Silently, you wished for the power of invisibility to be bestowed upon you that very moment. Maybe Thor knew someone that could do that. 

“Tired or not, don’t forget about those reports.” Natasha dipped her head towards a slight stack of folders balanced on the conference table. You sighed at the sight and nodded.

“I won’t.”

“Good,” Natasha gave you a closed-lip smile before she turned to Carol. “You’re heading out?” 

Carol nodded, her long blonde hair spilling over her shoulders. “Tomorrow.”

“So I’ll see you in the morning?” Carol nodded again and Natasha sighed. “Alright then. Y/N, those reports.”

“You got it,” you gave Natasha a thumbs up that the assassin did not see as she strode out of the conference room. You let your hands fell to the table’s surface with a ‘thwack’ and the impact stung your knuckles.

“You alright?” Carol’s voice pulled you out of the thoughts threatening to drown you. When you looked up and across to her, the superpowered woman’s brow was knitted with concern. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, like you said, just tired.” Carol pressed her lips in a thin line and you couldn’t help but smile. With Carol, it was easy to tell when she was thinking. And when she thought, she had such an innocent, almost excited expression on her face. It was a face full of possibility; something you hadn’t seen since Thanos, since the snap. 

“Do you maybe...want to get out of here?” Your smiled faltered at her question. You hadn’t been prepared for that possibility. “To blow off some steam?”

“I-I,” you stammered. Panicked you glanced around the room until your gaze landed on the pile of folders stack on the table. “The, I have the reports.”

“Oh, yeah,” Carol’s disappointment was written plainly across her features. Instantly, you regretted even speaking. 

“But, I mean, it’s your last night on Earth for…” you gestured to the air with a shrug.

“For a while,” Carol answered for you. “A few planets have reached out to me so, I have to go soon and...I don’t know when I’ll be back.” You nodded and tried not to show your sadness. You liked Carol, like, liked Carol. Not seeing her or having her around all the time would make the Avengers Compound all the more lonely. 

“So, I think Nat would understand if I showed you around…”

“Around here?” Carol asked, pointing to the conference table. 

“No! No,” you waved your hands and shook your head. “Around the city, maybe?” 

Carol beamed. “Yes. I would like that.”

“And Nat would totally understand,” you said confidently. As if speaking the image of Natasha’s smiling, nodding, and understanding face into existence. 

“Totally,” Carol agreed. She stood up quickly with a smile so bright you swore she was a living and breathing star. “You wanna go?”

“Yes!”

“So, you like the city?”

“Yeah, it’s cute.”

“Cute?” You raised a brow and Carol shrugged with a small grin.

“What, you want the truth?” You squinted your eyes at her before nodding. “Well then, this place smells. Like really smells.” 

You let out a laugh. “Thank you, for your honesty.”

“You’re very welcome,” Carol bowed slightly as you stopped before a crosswalk.

 The night air carried with it a chill and you had to pull your jacket closer over your chest. Somehow, Carol seemed unfazed by the cold in her tight black t-shirt. The jacket she had been wearing was thrown lazily over her shoulder. You watched as she glanced around at the bright and colorful street signs. She seemed unimpressed.

You sighed at the sight and Carol raised a brow at you. “What?”

“You’re bored,” you said flatly. 

“Am not,” Carol countered. You gave her an incredulous look. “I’m just...thinking.”

“About what then?” You leaned against the stop sign’s pole and watched Carol. She didn’t seem disingenuous. On the contrary, she seemed collected. 

“I want to do something.” Carol smiled as she spoke, her brown eyes alight with excitement. If you forgot everything that had happened, forgot what originally brought Carol into your life, you could almost feel completely happy. 

“Like what?” Carol threw her hands up unknowingly, but her smile remained. She glanced around the street signs and storefronts again, taking in every possibility.

“I have no idea,” she laughed finally. Her brown eyes locked with your gaze and you felt your grin widen. “I just…”

You watched Carol’s eyes drift over your head to across the street. Her mouth fell open with shock and you had to turn to see what had caught her attention. 

When you did, you saw a pair of glowing, green scissors that, every few seconds, made a chopping motion. However, it wasn’t the elaborate neon sign that had so enraptured Carol. No, it was the ‘OPEN’ sign beneath it that gave off a welcoming red light. You glanced back at Carol only to find she was reaching for your hand.

“C’mon,” she cheered as she pulled you across the street. The wind whipped around you but you weren’t cold. Not when Carol was so close to you. When she was around, it was hard to be anything but warm. 

“And we are all done! What do you think?” You looked up from the magazine you had busied yourself with to where Carol sat in a salon chair. The zine had been a poor attempt to distract yourself so that you didn’t ogle at Carol while she got her hair down. It had worked, for the most part, but when you looked up, the booklet fell instantly from your grasp. 

“I think it looks great!” Carol beamed at her reflection in the mirror before her as the stylist spun her chair around. “What do you think, Y/N?”

It was hard to think anything. Only the sound of your heart pounding in your ears filled your mind. Carol’s hair had been cut short, into a sharp pixie cut. Strands of blonde hair fell into her face as she stood up and you felt your whole body ache with longing. “Y/N?”

“I-I, it looks amazing. You look amazing.” You weren’t surprised when you felt your face grow red hot, but what did surprise you was how Carol’s cheeks became a soft pink. Part of you wanted to stay like that. Just staring, one marveling at the other, and wondering where they had come from and why they had chosen to spend their time like this. 

But you looked away. You tore your gaze from Carol’s and waited by the door of the salon while the stylist rung up Carol’s payment. It proved difficult to keep your eyes off of her. When she laughed at something the stylist said, you watched her and tried to ignore the pointless jealousy that kept up your spine. Carol was leaving tomorrow, there was no point in getting angry now. 

“Thanks again,” Carol shouted as you held the door open for her. The stylist waved as you walked back out into the night. “So, where to next?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted, letting your eyes fall from Carol’s. “It’s your last night. You should decide.” You heard Carol let out a thoughtful hum and you looked back up at her. Her lips were pressed together, her normally thinking habit, but they were turned down into a frown. Did she feel it too?

That pressure of her absence that was weighing them both down. Did Carol feel the resounding echo of loneliness that would fill the void she would leave in your heart? She must have, right? She had super everything: supervision, super hearing, and super emotions. However, it must have been just you projecting because Carol turned around with her new hair cut and smiled at you.

“Frozen yogurt!”

“I still don’t understand how yogurt can be vegan,” you mused as you scooped another spoonful of the cold treat into your mouth. 

“Vegan?” Carol didn’t look at you when she asked. The sound of her spoon scraping against the bottom of her carton made you smile. At least she liked one thing about Earth; even if it wasn’t you or the way you wanted her to like you.

“Without animal products,” you explained. Carol made a face of realization before she sat back on the park bench you had claimed. 

“That was good,” she sighed. You laughed at her posture: she was leaned so far back she resembled an old man stuck in a lazy boy recliner after a much too large meal. You watched as she sat up suddenly, bright brown eyes scanning over the park until she found a trashcan.

“Are you…”

“Just watch.” Without waiting for another second, Carol chucked the empty frozen yogurt cup in the air. You watched, mouth open wide in shock, as the cup landed perfectly in the trash bin that was, at least, five yards away.

“Whoa,” you laughed. “Way to use your powers for good.”

“Hey, littering is evil,” Carol said, with a jokingly serious tone. “It’s one of the many superpower perks.” You laughed softly and shook your head. Ever since you had surrounded yourself with superpowered people, your life had only grown more dangerous.

“Not enough perks to outweigh the struggle.” You said it with a smile, a bittersweet one, but a smile all the same. So, when Carol didn’t smile too, you backtracked. “I mean-”

“No, you’re right. It’s hard most of the time.” You nodded and gave her a sorry frown. Silence fell between you, an unwelcomed visitor to your park-bench-haven until Carol spoke up once more. “How have you been...after everything and…”

“After Thanos?” You asked, setting your yogurt cup to the side. Carol nodded, her joking demeanor now lightyears away. “Alright, I guess. What about you?”

“If I’m honest,” Carol shrugged, “not good. The only thing keeping me up is the fact that there are whole planets that still need help recovering.”

“But you haven’t recovered yourself,” you pointed out, “that’s not good.” Carol shrugged again and you felt something twinge in your heart. 

“I don’t think anyone has really recovered.” You nodded in agreement and let your gaze fall to the pavement below your feet. 

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You felt something knock against your shoulder, something warm and you looked up. Carol’s hand rested on your upper back in a touch that you wished you could bottle and save forever. 

“The Avengers Compound is just...empty. Everyone is grim, except for Steve. But he hasn’t come around lately. It’s like no one can even try to be happy.”

“Y/N,” Carol began with a gentle voice, “you know that it’s hard.”

“I do but...I just know if I let myself think about it, I’ll drown too. I’ll become cold like Nat or distant like Steve and everything will suck. I want to make the most of this life. We got lucky. Others didn’t.”

Carol nods but stays quiet. Her expression revealed nothing to you and you wanted to cry. You knew that the moment she left, you would fall back into a routine devoid of any hope or joy. The endless stack of reports would only grow and Natasha would stay bitter. It felt like you were alone; with Carol, you felt like anything was possible.  

“You’re right,” Carol says suddenly. You hold her gaze and furrow your brow.

“What?”

“You’re right,” Carol repeated. Before you could respond, Carol’s lips knocked against yours. It was a rushed kiss, another possibility that you hadn’t taken into account. However rushed it was, you melted into it. It wasn’t the first time you had felt Carol’s softness, but it was the first time you had felt it so passionately. So it pained you when she pulled away.

“Wh-What was that?” You asked and Carol smiled. She rested her forehead against your and you felt her breath tickle the skin of your neck.

“Me, making the most of this life.”

“Oh….” You breathed, still reeling from the kiss. Carol pulled away from you at your hesitation. Her brown eyes were wide and you could feel her panic.

“Sorry, I should have-“ You smiled as she rambled before you leaned back in to stop her. Your lips met hers and you felt Carol hum in contentment. Her hand lifted to your face and you felt your own hands wander to her waist. Then they traveled up to her hair; the short strands were soft from their recent treatment and you gave them a small tug.

The rest of the world faded to black. Reality and its sorrows could wait a few more moments. You had Carol and you wanted to savor that for as long as you could. You would make the most of this, even if it killed you.