#she offered to try and convince my dad to buy me a plane ticket to see them

[notwerewolfbutch]

I keep Almost saying "my gf" around the house n having to catch myself and just say peach :/

[moldisgoodforyou]

home again

wordcount: 7.9k

warnings: brief smut moment, mentions of sexual content

________

Rafe double, triple-checked their plane tickets when they went back home from Rome. They’d bought them separately but somehow he was convinced he’d screwed it up again - when he reached for his phone a fourth time on the train to the airport, Sophie reached over and took it with a shake of her head.

After making it through security and buying two breakfast sandwiches for them, Rafe tucked his backpack under her feet. “Can you watch this for a second?”

“Yeah, where are you going?” Sophie asked curiously.

“I’ll be right back.” He answered vaguely, kissing her forehead. When he returned, he had an entire bag full of Italian snacks and candies, all indecipherable except for a small bag of dark chocolate M&Ms that he tossed at Sophie. Her face lit up as she caught it and realized. “Oh my god, I missed these.”

He grinned and slid into the seat next to her, dumping the snacks into his backpack. “I know you did. I figured we could try these on the plane, for some entertainment.”

“I’m not gonna be able to sleep.” She tore open the packet and poured some into her hand before offering it to him.

He accepted a few, but not too much more. “Good, you said we weren’t supposed to sleep. We’ll be all jetlagged.”

“But I’m tired.” She whined, dropping her head to his shoulder.

Rafe pressed a kiss to the top of her head, lowering his voice. “Maybe you shouldn’t have convinced me to sleep with you last night then. Until 3am.”

She blushed and shot him an indignant glare. “You started it in the shower.”

“You dropped to your knees in the shower first.” He smirked. “This is your fault.”

“Nothing is ever my fault.” She declared. “You’re just too hot, that’s all.”

“Uh huh.” The airport called for boarding over the speakers and he hauled her up, pulling out their passports and walked with her to the line. He paused when she moved forward. “Wait, Sophie, aren’t we sitting together?”

“No, I’m 23A.”

“And I’m 23B - wait, no, shit, I’m not.” He frowned and glanced down at his ticket. “I’ll fix this.”

“Rafe, you don’t have to -”

Her argument fell on deaf ears as he went forward, glancing at people’s tickets. She held back a smile as he put on his best southern drawl and his most charming grin as he talked with the woman in 23B, convincing her eventually - with twenty dollars - to trade seats once they were on the plane. Once they boarded, he gave her a smug smile as he sat next to her, putting up the arm rest so she could lean into him.

“How much did you bribe her with?”

“Bribe? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never bribed anyone in my life.”

_____

The entire ride home, he didn’t sleep at all. Sophie fell asleep on him within minutes, curled into him comfortably, and he didn’t dare move and wake her up. When they made it back to Columbus and James and Colin picked them up - with a ‘welcome back from federal prison’ sign. Sophie just grinned and greeted them both with a big hug, giggling when James kissed her cheek and Rafe socked him in the arm. The whole drive back, she chattered excitedly, filling the boys in on all her adventures while Rafe barely stayed awake, his head slumped onto her shoulder.

They went straight to Rafe’s senior house to relax and she gave herself a tour right away, impressed by the clean house and lack of lewd decor. (It was going up next week, anyways.)

She wasn’t tired at all as she strolled into his room, making a big deal of the newly painted walls and a few plants scattered around on shelves. “Check it out! This looks so good, Rafe!”

He yawned - again - and flopped onto his bed. “Shh.”

“Didn’t you sleep?” She did the same, sprawling out on his bed. “I can’t believe you have a king-sized bed, I’m never staying at my place.”

“No. Couldn’t sleep.” He stretched his neck uncomfortably, groaning. She nudged him over, tugging at the hem of his shirt, and he shook his head. “Nooo. I’m too tired for sex.”

She giggled and tugged again. “It’s not that. Sit up, I’ll rub your back.”

He sat up just enough to tug his shirt over his head and flopped back down to the mattress on his stomach. She crawled onto him and straddled him to massage his shoulders, digging her thumbs into the base of his neck. He groaned, twisting a little. “Lotion. In my nightstand drawer.”

“Ew, is that for -”

“My hands get dry, dummy, get your head out of the gutter.”

She flicked his neck. “Be nice or I’ll leave you alone.”

“No, baby, stay.” He whined, flexing his back a little as she stretched. She smiled to herself, appreciating his muscles and traced a finger down his spine. “Okay. I’ll stay.”

“Watch your hands.”

“I’m just touching your back.” She dug in a little harder into his shoulders, grinning when he groaned in appreciation.

“Yeah, and I know how touchy you can get.” He quipped, closing his eyes and letting her continue the massage. “Handsy.”

She teased his fingertips under the waistband of his shorts. “You’re gonna have to shower anyways.”

It took about two seconds for him to change his mind. “Hmm….fine. But I’m not gonna do any work if you start something.” He yawned. “And you’re not done on my back.”

She rolled her eyes and got back to work, pleased by his little satisfied noises. She was just about to roll him back over and tug down his shorts when James slammed his palm on the door. “Shut the fuck up, Rafe, we don’t want to hear you jacking off!”

“Jesus Christ, James, come in!” Rafe yelled back with annoyance lacing his tone. James came in to see their (mainly) innocent position. “Oh. It sounded like you were doing something else. Hi Sophie, I didn’t know you were still here.”

She giggled, crawling off of Rafe. “Hey. We weren’t -”

“Yeah, I can see that. My bad.” He went to leave and paused, sticking his head back in the door. “You should know, though, my room’s right below his. And we all share that bathroom, so I’d prefer things to be cleaned. Regularly.”

“Get out, James.” Rafe pointed with a glare. James nodded with a grin and left, the door clicking shut behind him. Sophie gave him an apologetic smile. “He’s really just below us?”

“Yeah. I don’t fucking care, I told him I’d buy him a white noise machine. C’mere.” He flipped over and pulled her up to his hips, groaning obnoxiously loud when his hard cock brushed against her core.

She giggled, rocking back and forth on him. “Now you’re just being annoying.”

“Good. He’s been worse, bringing home a different girl every weekend for a straight month before I left. Colin says he’s going through his hoe phase.” He yawned, tugging at her shirt. “You have about ten minutes to fuck me before I pass out in this bed.”

Sophie rolled her eyes, pulling off her shirt. “That’s it? Sure it’s worth it?”

“Angel, please.” He nearly begged, pulling her down to kiss her desperately, grinding his hips against hers.

“Okay, okay, you’re so needy.” She teased. “Let me just take care of you.”

“No, I want -” He started, cutting himself off when she pulled out his hard cock from his shorts and stroked down his length, making him hiss. “Okay. That’s fine.”

She rolled her eyes and ducked down to take him into her mouth, not giving any warning. He nearly groaned again until she reached up and slapped her free hand over his mouth. “Shh. Stay quiet or I’ll stop.”

He let his head fall back so she couldn’t see him and fisted the sheets, bucking up into her mouth. “So good. So fucking good, baby.” He mumbled against her hand, just loud enough that Sophie could hardly hear.

It didn’t take long for him to come, especially with the way she sucked on him and twisted her wrist at the same time. When he did, her hand still clapped against his mouth, he let out a satisfied sigh and grinned down at her. “You’re incredible.”

She removed her hand and gave him a quick kiss. “You’re too easy. I think that was four minutes.”

“Can’t help it. You were all touchy, you know what that does to me.” He tried pulling her close, all sleepy, and she gently swatted her hands away.

“No, baby. I gotta go home and shower, then unpack. And I want to get dinner with Allie and Jules.”

He frowned. “What about me?”

“I’ve been with you nonstop for three whole weeks.” She grinned and gave him another short kiss. “You’ll be okay. We’re gonna have to go back to sleeping apart sometimes.”

“Noooo.” He grumbled, reaching for her as she stood and tugged her shoes back on.

“Welcome back to reality, Cameron.”

“But you - you need your turn -” He tried arguing helplessly and she just grinned.

“I own a vibrator, remember?”

“Fuck. That thing.”

“Don’t worry.” She leaned against the wall with a smirk, arms crossed. “I’ll let you borrow it sometime. Can you drive me?”

Rafe sighed but ambled out of bed, tugging his shorts back up and pulling his shirt on. “This is not how I expected the night to go.”

“We both know you’re gonna pass out in bed the second you get back. Hopefully after a shower.”

“Yeah, probably.” He yawned, stretching. “If I’m not texting you by one in the afternoon tomorrow please check on me.”

She nodded seriously and shook his hand, making him laugh. “You have a deal. Don’t forget you have to pack though, we’re going home in two days.”

“We are home…?”

“Home home. Remember? We booked the flights yesterday in Rome?”

He nodded in recognition, casting a glance at his stuffed suitcase on the ground. “Right. Remind me why I couldn’t just ask for the plane?”

She scowled before she could catch herself. “I thought you didn’t want to see your dad when you were home.”

“Touché.” Rafe noticed her scowl but didn’t mention it, not having the energy to persist. He grabbed his keys and took her hand, bringing her out to the car. “C’mon, my chariot awaits.”

____

The two of them spent their two days before going home very differently - Rafe slept nearly the entire time, woke up at night to go get tacos with the boys, then went back to bed. Sophie decorated her entire room within four hours, set up her senior architecture studio, and had meetings with a professor, an advisor, and the co-president of the alumni mentorship program. (Rafe was exhausted just from seeing her texts about her schedule.)

The girls dropped them off at the airport only forty five minutes before their flight, despite Rafe’s protests that it wasn’t nearly enough time and Sophie’s argument that she’d made a flight with less time on a tiny airline in Spain. Their flight was inconvenient, as always - they had to fly into Virginia and take a 2.5 hour ferry to get back home. When they finally arrived, greeted by the familiar summer humidity and the smell of the sea, her brother picked them up to bring them to Sophie’s.

“Soph!” He yelled out the window from the pickup line. Rafe noticed immediately and straightened up, grabbing her bag as well as his to walk to the car.

She beamed, waving as they came closer, and slid into the front seat while Rafe put their suitcases in the back. “Carter! Hi! I thought you were moving this weekend?”

“I pushed it back a couple weeks, wanted to see you before I left. How was Barcelona?” He glanced back and nodded at Rafe briefly in the backseat. “Rafe.”

“Hey. Thanks for picking us up.” Rafe smiled politely, nearly crammed into the backseat because of how far back Sophie’s seat was. He assumed Carter had moved it before he came to pick them up, but didn’t dare say a word.

“Yeah, no problem.” The rest of the ride was just the two siblings talking, mainly Sophie telling him about her study abroad and the trips she’d taken with Rafe. Carter kept his eye on Rafe in the backseat at a few parties of her story, especially when she stuttered over talking about swimming in Nice and Rafe’s birthday. (Rafe very pointedly looked out the window to avoid his eyes.)

They were greeted by Sophie’s dad when Carter pulled the car up in the driveway. He wrapped Sophie in a tight, smothering hug when she jumped out of the car, the two of them sharing matching grins. “Hey, Sophie girl.”

“Hi Dad.” She mumbled against his shirt, hugging him tight. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too.” He finally let her go and welcomed Rafe in for a hug too, ignoring his handshake. “Nice to see you too, kiddo.”

“You too, Mr. Flint.” He beamed and excused himself from the hug quickly to get both his and Sophie’s suitcases, ever the gentleman in his presence. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here, I really appreciate it.”

Her dad nodded with a smile, taking Sophie’s bag from him. “Of course. Come on, I’ll show you to your spot in the guest room. Soph, your mom’s out running errands, I thought we could all head out to the course for a round if you’re not too tired?”

“Sure, that sounds fine. Dad, did you forward that study I emailed you about using filtered stormwater for the course to the groundskeeper? So it’s more eco-friendly?” Sophie asked over her shoulder, leading the way inside and upstairs.

Jeff sent Rafe a knowing smile behind her back, shaking his head. Ever since Sophie really got into eco conservation in high school, she’d been pushing more and more for the entire family to make small changes. Her efforts got more and more involved as she learned more in college, and she’d had meetings with the groundskeeper at the country club no less than five times - he listened politely as a favor to her dad, but that was all. “I sent it, yes. I’m not sure how well it was received.”

“Oh, well, I can send you some more resources. It’s good to at least provide the options, you know?” She turned back and took her bag into her room, automatically going for Rafe’s as well.

Rafe smiled, subtly pulling it away and tried to redirect her dad’s attention. “Um, which one’s the guest room?”

“Other end of the hallway, just opposite Carter’s room.” Jeff gave him a pointed look and he nodded quickly. “Great, thank you.”

“Dad, you’re not seriously making him stay in there.” Sophie argued, giving her dad a pleading look.

“No, it’s fine! I’m sure it’s perfect, I’ll go make myself at home.” Rafe quickly excused himself, heading down the hall and just barely stayed in earshot of the two.

Her dad regarded her carefully. “Sophie, you can’t really expect me to believe you two had been in separate dorms that entire trip like you’ve been telling your mother, can you?”

She grew embarrassed, leaning against her doorway. “Dad...”

“I’m not oblivious, honey, I just hope you’re being safe -”

“Dad! Please. I don’t want to talk about this with you. Ever.” She told him with wide eyes and red cheeks, backing into her room slowly.

“Alright, just. Be careful. Both of you.” He warned her, patting her shoulder before heading back down the stairs, calling out loudly over his shoulder. “Be ready in fifteen!”

She just groaned and flopped back onto her bed.

“Ready, kids?” Jeff called up the stairs, exactly fifteen minutes later. Sophie was in the guest room with Rafe, sporting a golf tank from high school and a matching skort. The tank was a little tight across the chest and she’d flaunted into his room with it unbuttoned to completely show off her boobs, showing him exactly what was underneath.

“Yes sir!” Rafe called back, a little higher pitched than normal, and shoved Sophie’s shoulder lightly. “Button that up,” he hissed.

“You’re a prude.” She rolled her eyes, buttoning it back up to her neck but adjusted her skort to sit a little higher. (Nothing too inappropriate, but it was just enough to drive Rafe crazy.)

“I’m not - we are going golfing with your father, baby, and you look like several dreams I’ve had in high school. Do not pull something. Fix your skirt.”

She perked up, taking a step closer. “You dreamed about me in high school? What kind of dreams?”

“No. We’re not doing this.” He told her, but she didn’t miss the way he reached in his pocket and grimaced for a moment. “Behave.”

She grinned and practically skipped downstairs, with Rafe following close behind. “We’re ready! Dad, can we just play 9 today? I wanted to go hang out on the beach with Rafe later.”

“Our reservation’s for the full 18. What, you don’t want to play a full round with your old man?” Her dad teased, but she could hear the tiny tone of hurt underneath.

“We can go to the beach another time, the full 18’s perfect.” Rafe interjected. “I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep up with you though, Mr. Flint, I haven’t really played since last year.”

“Oh, you’ll be fine, I saw your form earlier this summer.” Her dad replied cheerfully, not noticing as Sophie mouthed “suck up” to Rafe behind his back.

They all drove to the course and split into carts, her dad in one and Rafe and Sophie in the other. As they rode to the second hole, Sophie kicked her feet up on the dash, ignoring the golf etiquette standard. “Hey, Rafe.”

He instantly reached over and shoved her feet off, casting a glance toward her dad to make sure he didn’t see. “Yes ma’am.”

“You think we could pull off a quickie tonight?”

He fixed her with a glare, unamused. “Sophie. Do not.”

She just smirked as she skipped off the cart to the hole, club in hand. She didn’t quit the entire rest of the game, murmuring little dirty things into his ear on the cart or pretending like she was going to flash him, bursting into giggles as he nearly wrecked the cart trying to lunge across the seat to keep her shirt down. Rafe was entirely distracted the whole game, trying to stay as civil as possible around her dad while also keeping Sophie in check.

Her competitive streak kicked in around the sixth hole, when she was losing by just enough. Jeff kept pointing out little imperfections in her form - her arms were bent too far, her hips didn’t rotate enough, her head wasn’t down for long enough - and Rafe winced nearly every time. Sophie took it all in stride though, and he had to remind himself that criticism from a parent was fine when it was paired with constant encouragement after she improved.

Her dad was a little more sensitive to how Rafe responded to criticism, starting everything with a compliment first and then phrasing the critique as a suggestion. At the end of the game - despite Rafe barely losing to Sophie, Jeff coming in first - he nudged Rafe and gave him an encouraging grin. “You’re looking good, kid. Might beat this one if she wasn’t so annoying.”

“Dad!” Sophie exclaimed. “I didn’t do a thing -”

“I raised you better than to whistle on the golf course, Soph.” Her dad pointed out as he poked her in the leg with his club. “Breaking every single etiquette rule out there.”

“It’s a simple distraction technique.” She protested with a sheepish grin. She had whistled at Rafe when he bent over to place his ball on the tee - twice - and thought her dad hadn’t noticed either time.

“If you’re using distraction to win the game, maybe you aren’t good enough.” Her dad retorted, laughing as Rafe’s eyebrows shot up at the same time as Sophie’s. “Go drive the carts back, I’ll meet you two at the car.” As Sophie grinned and started toward her dad’s cart, he called after her again. “No racing! Not again!”

She just ignored him and Jeff turned to Rafe with an exasperated grin. “I’m not sure how you kept up with her for that long in Europe.”

“I’m not entirely sure either, sir.” Rafe told him with a smile.

____

When they came back to the house, all a little sweaty, her mom had a tray of lemonade and snacks set out for all of them. “Mrs. Flint, hi. Thank you for this.” Rafe thanked her immediately, wiping the sweat off his brow.

“Rafe, it’s good to see you, thank you for keeping an eye on my child the past few weeks.” Her mom greeted with a teasing grin. “Sophie, Angie is coming over with the twins any second now, can you two watch them for a couple hours?”

Sophie scowled, flopping back into her chair and only straightened up instinctively when her mom tapped her shoulders. “Rafe and I were going to -”

“No, that’s fine, we don’t have plans.” Rafe cut her off quickly, nudging Sophie’s foot with his. “Who’s Angie?”

“Angie’s my older cousin, she just had her babies around February.” Sophie informed him. “They’re kind of cute, I guess.”

“They’re very cute, and it’s just so Angie and your aunt and I can go shopping for more baby clothes. You haven’t met them yet, you should be excited to see them.” Her mom chastised with a shake of her head. “You’ll have your own soon enough, so this’ll be a learning experience.”

Sophie nearly spat out her lemonade, affronted. “Mom!”

“Don’t be dramatic, Sophie.” She tutted and went back inside.

Sophie gaped after her, shaking her head. “Ignore her. Go shower, I’ll shower when you’re done.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that exchange, always a little confused by her mom’s well-intentioned insults. “I thought the kids were coming…?”

“Yeah, I can handle them and then we’ll swap.” She grinned, lowering her voice. “Or we could shower together and it’ll be faster.”

Rafe practically scrambled out of his chair to go shower, pointing accusingly at her. “Stop that.”

“Stop what.”

“You know - that.” He gestured wildly at the way she’d leaned forward, undone a button and bit her bottom lip. “You’re teasing. Just wait until we’re back in Ohio, please.”

She just smirked and leaned forward to kick his ass lightly. “Go.”

____

When she came back down after her slightly-too-long shower with damp hair, she stopped in her tracks at the base of the stairs. Rafe had one of the babies napping in the play crib and the other asleep on his chest, tiny fingers curled around his pinky as he carefully rubbed her back. Sophie took a quick photo before he could notice and approached quietly, combing her fingers through his hair affectionately.

He lifted his head to smile at her, whispering. “She fell asleep like this, isn’t she sweet? I think this one is baby Ava.”

She laughed quietly, shaking her head. “That’s Amelia. Ava’s in the crib, she has more hair.”

“Oh. Look at her tiny fingers, Sophie.” He murmured, so proud that he was able to get them to stay asleep. When Angie had arrived, she’d brought in both car seats and set up the crib, then handed off both still-sleeping babies to him with only a short introduction. She’d nestled Amelia on his chest, telling him she slept better that way, and thanked him profusely before leaving with Sophie’s mom.

“Babies are so weird.” Sophie replied, a little too loud. “At least they’re starting to get cute.”

He shushed her immediately with a glare. “They’re not weird.”

“How are you so good at this?” She cocked her head, considering picking up Ava from the crib but not trusting her skills.

“Dunno. I like kids.” He traced small circles on Amelia’s back, quietly shushing her when she cooed a little. After a few moments, he glanced up at Sophie with a smile. “How many do you want?”

“I’m not giving you a baby any time soon.” She told him pointedly, leaning into him a little. “But I guess if you really want, I could start calling you daddy…”

He shuddered, his whole face scrunching up into a scowl. “I hope that’s not a kink of yours because I’m really not sure I could entertain it.”

She giggled, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. “I’m just kidding. Um, I don’t know that I’ve thought about it. I’ve only ever thought as far as my job.”

“Wait, really? Never?”

She shrugged. “Nah. I liked having Carter growing up though. You’ve thought about it?”

He nodded confidently. “Yeah. Two or three’s perfect, I think. Not too much of an age gap in between. A good mix of girls and boys. I want to...yeah.”

Sophie furrowed her brow, turning to face him. “You want what?”

“I want to be a good dad. To do it right.” He told her, a little shy. “I’m not sure I could, but -”

“You will.” She interrupted him, firmly. “I know you will.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do, baby. You’re going to love our kids so well -”

“Our kids?” He interjected with a small grin, making her blush as a matching blush crept up on his cheeks.

“Sorry, did you plan on having kids with someone else?” She raised her eyebrows.

“No. ‘Course not. Just didn’t know you planned on having them with me.” His grin grew to split across his cheeks, beaming.

She shook her head, feeling herself grow bright red. “Well, yeah. Later, but yeah. You’re it for me, Rafe.” She told him, her voice going a little soft.

He nodded, reaching out to grab her hand and kiss the back of it, the most movement he could make without disturbing the baby. “Good. My favorite.”

“My favorite.” She echoed softly, leaning back into him. As the garage door opened and both babies startled, Ava starting to wail, she scowled and stood to pick her up, holding her out at arm’s length as she began to scream. Amelia began to wake but stayed quiet, her little fist tightening around Rafe’s finger.

“Actually hold her, Soph.” He told her with a skeptical glance at the way she was clearly uncomfortable around the baby. She moved her grip to be able to rock the baby but Ava kept screaming, sensing Sophie’s lack of experience.

Just as Sophie was about to place her hand over Ava’s mouth, Angie came in with an exasperated sigh. “Oh, baby, it’s okay, did the garage wake you?” She cooed, immediately soothing her daughter.

Sophie’s mom followed, smiling at the sight of Rafe completely comfortable with Amelia quietly on his chest still. “Look at that, you’ve got the natural instinct.”

“Oh my god, can I take you home with me? Sophie, I’m stealing your boyfriend.” Angie joked, winking at Rafe.

He laughed, getting up carefully so he didn’t shift Amelia too much and carefully placed her back into the crib. “I wouldn’t mind a little babysitting, but I’ve got to go back to Ohio for our senior year at the end of the weekend.”

“Right, of course.” Angie nodded, giving him a grateful smile.

Sophie rolled her eyes at Rafe behind Angie’s back. “Thanks for letting us watch them for a bit, Ang, they’re adorable, but we kind of have plans…”

“But you'll be back after dinner?” Her mom asked. Sophie resisted a scowl while Rafe just gave her an eager smile. “We’ll be back for dinner, no worries.”

“Okay, see you later!” Sophie practically dragged him upstairs, pulling him into her room and shutting the door before he could protest. He immediately reached for the doorknob, but she grabbed his hand and leaned up to kiss him, hard.

Rafe kissed her back for a few moments before he was reminded where he was and pulled back quickly. “Soph, we can’t.”

“I just want to kiss you.” She argued with a pleading tone, pouting a little.

“I thought we were leaving? Going to the beach?” He dodged another attempted kiss from her, easily slipping out from where she had him pinned against the door and stepped away from her.

“Right. I have to change.” She pulled off her shirt and bralette in one fell swoop, then kicked off her shorts too before he could blink.

He gaped for a moment when he realized she was completely naked, his voice lowering a little. “Baby.”

“Yeah?” She strolled over to her dresser, pretending to rifle through her drawer of old swimsuits, and settled on a hot pink string bikini. She’d bought it in high school and kept it in her car to change into for pool parties, because if her mom ever caught her in it she was sure she’d be transferred to a Catholic boarding school immediately. She knew for a fact Rafe had seen it before, even complimented her in it back in high school, and was hoping he’d recognize it.

He did.

Right away.

“Soph, not - not that one.” He implored, voice cracking. He could feel his throat going dry as he fought every urge in his body telling him to go over to her and have his way with her right that instant, trying to remind himself that her parents were literally right downstairs.

She held back a grin as she shimmied into the bikini, tying it up behind her neck. “What’s wrong with this one?”

“I’m getting you back for this. All this teasing today. I swear. I - I -” He couldn’t even come up with a decent half-hearted threat as she strode closer, letting her hair down from her claw clip, and a big whiff of her shampoo overloaded his senses.

“You’ll what.”

“You’re going to regret this.” He told her, and she swore she could hear the way his voice was shaking.

“What are you gonna do? Punish me? Tie me up?” She teased, and the hint of a laugh in her voice was enough to break his spell.

“Sophie, please. No more. I’ll do whatever you want the second we’re back in Ohio, but I am really trying to make a good impression on your family.” He pleaded, eyes trained intensely on hers - though she was pretty sure it was just so he wouldn’t be able to look down at her tits.

“Okay, okay.” She grabbed her shirt from the bed and pulled it on over the swimsuit, her shorts following. “You don’t have to try so hard though, you know?”

“I know, I just. I want to do this right.” He relaxed a little once she got dressed, but was still mainly tense. “Can I, uh, use your bathroom?”

Sophie sat back on the bed, sending him a confused glance. “No one uses the one out in the hall by the guest room, just use that.”

“That one doesn’t have a shower.”

“You just showered - oh.” She realized as soon as Rafe’s slightly pained expression set in and she noticed the bulge in his shorts. Sophie grinned, satisfied. “I could take care of that faster, y’know.”

“I think I’d still be hard after.” He confessed with a shake of his head, quickly letting himself into the bathroom and ignoring her giggles as he locked the door.

____

They were only out at the beach for a couple hours before they had to return home, but it was like she could see the tension literally unraveling from Rafe’s body when he wasn’t under the pressure of impressing her parents. They laid out their towels with a little overlap and she had her head on Rafe’s arm as they sprawled out on the beach, uninterrupted. When his phone chimed, he nudged her a little. “Can you grab that?”

Sophie sat up to get his phone from her bag at their feet. “Your dad texted.”

“What does it say?”

“I don’t know your password.”

“You did the Face ID thing for it in France, remember?” He didn’t move a muscle, halfway to falling asleep out in the sun.

She cocked her head, surprised when the phone unlocked. “I thought you would have taken it off, thought it was just for traveling.”

“Nope. I have nothing to hide.” He nudged his sunglasses down and squinted up at her. “What does it say?”

“Oh, right.” She opened his text, frowning a little. “Um, he said he saw you leaving the country club the other day and wants you over for lunch tomorrow.”

“Fuck.” He muttered, sitting up with a sigh and took the phone from her to read over the text to see if there were any undertones of him being in trouble. “Okay. You’ll come, right?”

“What - me? I don’t know if that’s really necessary -”

“I’ve been with your family all weekend.”

She frowned more, tucking her knees up to her chest. “I thought you wanted to stay with my family.”

“I do, I do!” He backtracked quickly, reaching out and skimming his hand over her arm. “But I want you to come with me.”

“Rafe…” She started, hesitant, but gave in once she saw his pleading look. “Alright. I’ll go, but I doubt he’ll want me there.”

“He’ll be fine.” Rafe shot off a quick reply to his dad, satisfied when Ward liked the message in response. “It’ll be fine. It’s just lunch.”

“Mmhmm.” She didn’t bring up how he sounded like he was reassuring himself more than anything. She stood, offering her hand. “Come on, swim with me.”

He kissed the back of it before taking it and hauling himself up. “I love you. You know that?”

“I know, baby. I always know.”

_____

Later that night, Sophie sat across from her dad as they got dinner ready. She’d informed him she and Rafe were going to Ward’s house tomorrow for lunch and her dad had merely replied with a noncommittal hum, asked her how she felt, and nodded again when she replied with a wary shrug.

“I never liked the idea of you dating.” Jeff told her as he sliced up watermelon for their dinner that night. Rafe paused around the corner, sent to the garage to grab charcoal for the grill, not wanting to interrupt.

“Dad.” She whined a little, embarrassed, but didn’t move from her spot across the kitchen counter.

“I didn’t, you’re my little girl. But I like Rafe, a lot. He’s a good kid, Sophie, keep him around.”

“I’m planning on it.” She murmured.

“You love him?” Jeff inquired, pausing his cutting of the watermelon for a moment. She merely nodded to respond with a blush and a smile and Rafe nearly walked out then just so he could see the look on her face, desperately craving the confirmation.

“He makes me...I just…” Sophie tripped over her words a little, tugging at the loose threads on her jean shorts. “I feel safe with him. With Luke, or Peter, you know, I -”

“I try not to remember them.” Her dad quipped with a smile, making her roll her eyes. “Go on.”

“Just, with them I didn’t really see much past what we had. But with Rafe, it’s different. Like, I know he’ll stick by my side. For...a while.” She decided, giving her dad a shy but eager smile.

“Well, when that time comes, I’ll be happy to have him in the family.” Jeff told her decisively.

“Me too.” She murmured, then hopped up from her chair. “I’m gonna go find him, he’s probably still rooting around the garage for the charcoal.”

Rafe carefully stepped back a few steps, just enough to quickly shut the door to the garage loudly and stroll in with a sense of purpose like he hadn’t just overheard the whole conversation. “Found it! Sorry, took me a second.”

“I thought you got lost.” She beamed at him, seeming to regard him in a different light for a moment.

He stood taller under her adoring gaze, smiling back. “Nope. Where do you want this, Mr. Flint?”

“Backyard’s fine. Know how to work the grill, Rafe?” Jeff set down the knife and pushed the watermelon toward Sophie so she could take over.

“Uh, not sure, I’ve only ever used electric.”

“C’mon then, let me show you how it’s done.” He clapped a hand on Rafe’s shoulder as he passed to lead the way out to the backyard.

____

Sophie was hardly able to sleep all night, so she crept into Rafe’s room around 1am, careful to only open the door just enough so it wouldn’t creak. “Rafe?”

He was awake too, just barely, and rolled over to greet her, whispering. “Hey. Why are you still up?”

“Can’t sleep.” She mumbled and crawled into his bed without invitation, laying on top of him and placed her head over his heart. He hesitated for a moment but eventually wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “Me either.”

“Are you nervous?” She asked.

“For lunch? A little, yeah. But I don’t sleep well without you anyways.” He confessed, playing with the ends of her hair.

“That’s no good.” She traced little patterns on his chest. “Your dad hates me. Right?”

“I don’t think so.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, not bothering to add that he wasn’t sure she was even enough on his radar for Ward to consider hating her. “You need to sleep, sweet girl.”

“So do you.”

“You’re not supposed to be in here.”

She raised her arm with her watch aimlessly. “I set an alarm for six. I’ll go back to my room then.”

“Okay. Sweet dreams, angel.” He kept playing with her hair until he heard her breathing slow and deepen, and only let himself fall asleep an hour after, once he was sure they wouldn’t be caught.

_______

Later that day, after anxiously pacing the house all morning, Sophie was squeezing the life out of his hand as they walked up to his front door. He pressed a kiss to her temple before letting them in. “Soph. It’s okay.”

“Your dad hates me.” She told him with a straight face.

“He - I don’t think that’s true.” He faltered, punching in the code to the front door and toed it open when it unlocked. “This isn’t fun for me either, can you please help me out and not break my hand?”

“Right! Right, sorry.” She let go of him right away, letting him shake out his hand. “Here, let me -” She reached up to fix his hair and he jerked away, startled.

“He says it looks better gelled, don’t -”

“I’m not, I’m just fixing -” She carefully pushed a stray strand back into place and he gave her a grateful smile when he felt it. “Okay. We’re okay?”

“We’re good. Go ahead.” She nodded and followed him in, taking his hand when he reached out for hers.

Ward spotted them first, coming in from the kitchen with two wine glasses in his hands. “Rafe! Do you want wine? Um...Savannah…?”

Rafe’s face fell and his shoulders dropped as he clutched her hand a little tighter. “Her name is Sophie, Dad. I’ve only told you that at least ten times.”

“It’s okay.” She excused quickly with an overly polite smile. “We’ve only met once, at your Christmas party.”

“Right, right, I remember.” Ward nodded and set the glasses down at the table. “I’ll get you both a glass, hold on. Rose!” He called out, going back into the kitchen.

Rafe gave her an apologetic glance and she shook her head quickly. “It’s fine. Doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.”

“Yes, well, it’s fine. Are Sarah and Wheezie here?”

“I already asked, Sarah’s back at school and Wheezie got out of this to hang out with some friends.” He had texted them the night before for support, but had no luck.

“Okay.” She reached up and stroked her thumb over his cheek, whispering. “Relax your shoulders for me, baby.”

“Right.” He nodded, but stayed tense. Rose returned with Ward a few moments later, with the whole bottle in hand and two empty glasses. “Rafe, you’re here. Sophie, hello, are you still jetlagged from your trip?”

“Um, no.” Sophie replied curtly. “We’ve been back for a few days now.”

“Oh, you just looked a little tired. Maybe it’s the lighting.” Rose gave her a sweet smile and gestured around, although the entire dining room was filled with natural light.

“Maybe.” Sophie forced herself to agree, sitting after Rafe pulled out her chair for her. All their plates were already set out with individual portions, and she noticed there was more salad on her plate than anyone else’s, but didn’t dare say a thing.

“Tell me about your internship, Rafe. You didn’t leave early for the trip, did you?” Ward asked, starting to eat and Sophie took that as an invitation to start as well. When she reached for the wrong fork, Rafe tried to subtly reach out and push the other one toward her.

“No, I finished it then went out to Spain. The internship was good, I learned a lot. I have a job offer from them.”

“You’re not accepting, of course.” Rose replied, then raised her eyebrows at his pause to answer. “Right? Aren’t you coming home after graduation to work with your father?”

“I have a couple options.” Rafe replied vaguely, taking a larger sip of wine than what was considered polite.

To his surprise, Ward nodded in agreement. “You can explore a few things before you come home, it’ll give you more experience for joining the board. A year or so after graduation, that’s fine.”

“You’ll let him swan around instead of doing his job?”

“A couple years won’t hurt anything. He’s in supply chain, Rose, it’s relevant work.”

Rafe had a small smile as he picked at his food with the fork, then lifted his head. “What if I didn’t get a job in supply chain? To start?”

Ward fixed him with a stern gaze. “If this is about your minor, I don’t want to hear it.”

His smile dropped as quickly as he’d found it. “No, yeah, supply chain is smart.”

Rose glanced between the two of them, then cocked her head at Sophie. “What are you studying?”

“I’m in architecture.” Sophie replied, tensing a little.

“Oh. That’s cute. I’ve been looking to hire someone to help decorate our parlor, actually -”

“It’s, um, designing buildings, not interior decorating. It requires a master’s.” Sophie cut her off, with a little more edge to her voice than necessary.

Rose nodded. “Right. What’s the starting salary, around 30k? It’s a good thing you’re with Rafe, you won’t have to sacrifice for a tiny apartment once you graduate.”

Sophie flinched, stabbing her fork into the salad harder than necessary. “It depends on the firm.”

Rafe stayed silent, staring at his wine glass. They all sat there quietly as the clinks of their forks and their glasses echoed in the room for a few moments as they all ate, or pushed around the food on their plates.

“Rafe.”

His head snapped up at Ward. “Yes sir.”

“Are you still wanting the plane and the house for your fall break?”

Sophie didn’t dare look up to show the surprise flash across her face.

“Yes, sir, if that’s alright. It’s just a small group.” Rafe replied, nodding quickly. “I’ll do that remote work like you asked, call into the meetings if you need me to.”

“That’ll work.” Ward nodded. “You haven’t taken Sophie down there, just Brooklyn, right?”

“Mm. Yeah. That was a while ago.” Rafe sighed. “I haven’t dated her in over a year.”

“You’ll love it, Sophie,” Rose smiled at her. “It’s the best, so luxurious. You’re probably not used to it so it’ll be a treat.”

She bit the inside of her cheek, hard. “Right.”

Rafe glanced down at his watch as he briefly squeezed her knee under the table. “Thank you for having us over for lunch, Dad, Rose, but we have to catch our flight tonight and haven’t packed up yet. Sophie’s dad is driving us to the airport.”

“Alright.” Ward rose from his chair at the same time as his son, nodding. “Call me, okay? Check in once in a while?”

“Yeah, Dad, of course.” Rafe relaxed into the hug with his dad, pulling away with a broad smile. “Maybe you could come up for parent’s weekend this year.”

“I’ll check the calendar. Sophie, it was nice to see you again.” Ward walked them both out and she was unbelievably stiff as she shook his hand, her jaw set. When they walked out hand in hand again to her dad’s car, parked at the very end of the drive, she stayed quiet.

Rafe slid into the car with her and gave her a grin, like the weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “That wasn’t bad, right? I expected much worse!”

“Yeah.” She nodded weakly, staring ahead at his house out the window. “Can we go?”

He started the car with a frown, reaching out to place his hand on her thigh but she shifted away. “Sophie. What’s up?”

“Let’s just get home.” She offered a fake smile that he saw through right away, but he didn’t press it.

The rest of the drive was quiet as Rafe turned the radio up and tried to ignore her leg jittering anxiously and how she kept switching her ring from finger to finger, a constant nervous habit of hers. When he pulled into the driveway at her house, he reached out again and stilled her leg. “Sophie.”

“You didn’t say a thing.” She murmured to herself, not looking at him.

“What do you mean?” He frowned and reached out to take her hand.

Sophie pulled back a little, but turned to look at him. “Nothing, it’s fine. I’m glad it went well with your dad.”

“But…”

She leaned forward and gave him a short kiss and a smile to match, shaking her head. “You said it yourself, we have to go pack. Come on.” She got out of the car and didn’t give him a second glance backward as she strode into the house.

Rafe sat there and watched, dumbfounded and unsure of what he’d done.

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23 @babygal-babygal @thecuthoney @babeyglo

[vintagedolan]

mixtape | track eight

| masterlist | faceclaims | playlist |

“Left or right?”

“Don’t look at me, I never fucking graduated.”

“Right, then you move it to the left,” Lisa offered, attempting to get past Grayson. He was having none of it, sticking out his tongue a bit while he focused on getting Indy’s cap arranged correctly, making sure her tassel was in the right spot. 

Indy had passed her finals with flying colors, which came as no surprise to anyone who knew her. Top of the class, which was enough for her to feel a tiny bit proud of herself. The Dolan’s on the other hand, we’re over the moon, ready to celebrate her as if it was the greatest achievement anyone could accomplish. Grayson had picked her up from her last final, coaxing her to take a nap in the truck while he drove them out to Jersey, her head in his lap as she was finally able to relax after so many days of stress. He was glad - he wanted her energy to be high when she got to the house, considering he’d planned out a big family dinner as a surprise. He’d even caved and bought her her favorite non-vegan ice cream. She was so surprised that she cried as soon as she went in and saw Ethan and Lisa in the kitchen with little fake graduation cap headbands on.

Even though surprises weren’t her favorite, he hoped he could sneak in another, considering the real one wasn’t until the next day, and it’s arrival came as a text that buzzed in Grayson’s pocket.

Here!

He cleared his throat quickly, trying to hide his excitement as he stepped back from his girlfriend.

“Hey Indiana, I think there’s something at the door for you,” he said.

She squinted at him in accusation.

“You just called me Indiana.”

“Indeed I did.”

“That’s sus.”

“Just go to the door Dee.”

“Sus.”

“Dee.”

“G.”

“Indiana Jamie Cross, will you please open your door,” he said as formally as he could, knowing it would make her laugh enough to give in.

“If something jumps out and scares me, I’ll kick your ass.”

“Holy shit just go open the door before I do it for you.” 

She walked slowly but she listened to him, pulling the door open cautiously.

“I was wondering if you were gonna let me in.” 

Indiana’s mouth fell open.

“Charlie?!”

Grayson Dolan had learned in the last week that the Cross women were stubborn beings, especially when it came to money. Which was why it took so long for him to convince the older Cross sister to let him buy her and Devin a plane ticket at Thanksgiving.

“We would love to be there, but I just bought the ticket to get out here, and money is kinda tight for us right now. I don’t know if we can swing it so soon again.” Charlie kept her voice down, pretending to look at some of the picture frames on the bookshelf while Grayson talked to her.

“I’ll buy your tickets, both of you, first class.”

“Grayson, no, I can’t ask you to do that,” she shook her head.

“But you didn’t ask. I offered, there’s a difference. C’mon, you know that she’d love to have you there.”

Charlie hesitated, bit her lip the way Indy always did. The back door opened, signaling that everyone was coming back inside and that their conversation needed to end. She looked up at him quickly, eyes darting across the room.

“I’ll think about it.”

It had taken her four days to finally agree and let Grayson send her the money for the tickets, though she insisted on flying coach, sending him back the rest of what he’d given her to cover first class, down to the cent. 

Which was how she ended up getting tackled by a very excited Indiana outside her apartment door, so hard that they almost knocked Devin over in a whirl of blonde hair. Grayson caught her cap as it flew off.

“What?! What are you doing here?! How did you get here! I thought you couldn’t come, what the fuck!”

“Ask him,” Charlie laughed, lifting her chin towards Grayson. 

She spun, eyes wide and shocked. 

“You did this?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “You look exactly like the soft eyes emoji right now, you know that?”

“Shut up,” she smacked his chest before she buried her face in it, sniffling. 

“Hey, you don’t have to cry, you’ll mess up your mascara,” he said, pressing a kiss to her hair before she stood up straight again, letting him swipe his thumbs under her eyes. 

Ethan was watching the interaction from the couch with a bit of a frown. He pulled his eyes away and picked at some lint on his henley, but he kept his ears towards the kitchen. There was a tenderness, a careful nature in the way he spoke around Indy. It reminded him of the first time that Grayson had gotten a girlfriend. Peyton. They’d met on the first day of 7th grade, in science class, where Grayson didn’t care to pay attention, especially not with Ethan and the prettiest girl in the grade at his table. Ethan had teased his brother relentlessly until he finally got his words handed back to him when she actually agreed to a date - which involved him picking flowers out of his mom’s window box garden (he got in trouble for it later) and hiding them under his jacket when Sean dropped him off at the movie theatre. They’d kissed each other during the end credits, with tongue according to a very excited Grayson who came home and plopped himself on his brother’s bed and spilled every little detail. Ethan was single at the time, so he could only listen, and watch. Watch the way he carried her books for her to class and then sprinted to his own with only a few seconds to spare before the bell. Watched him beg his mom to dye his hair blonde when Peyton said she thought it would look cool. Watched him pass her notes all of class, not caring when Mrs. Patterson took one and read “I love you so much, you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen” in front of the whole class that included the majority of his wrestling team. And, he watched the pain on his face when they stumbled across Peyton kissing Jacob Bates behind the bus when she thought Grayson was at wrestling practice. He tried to keep it together, but he sniffled his way through Lisa dying his hair brown that night. Ethan had tried to cheer him up with his usual tactics - stupid inside jokes, making fun of Cameron, even making fun of himself. But Grayson didn’t laugh.

That was when he knew his brother loved hard. He was halfway convinced the reason that Grayson was the bigger twin in the womb was because of the size of his heart. That being said, it wasn’t unusual for Ethan to watch his brother be kind, and sweet, and loving to his girlfriend.

But there was something different with Indy. It was the first time that he could look at Grayson with a girl and see Grayson - unfiltered, unaltered. His twin brother, in his full form, not having changed a single aspect of himself to fit another person. And it made him happy. So happy that for a moment he was able to ignore the guilt that started to rush over him as he remembered all the things he’d said, about how their relationship wouldn’t work, and how Grayson needed to address it. It made him feel worse that he knew he was still right, no matter how in love his brother was. 

In the kitchen, Charlie was flicking through settings on her camera.

“I know we have to leave soon, but we have to get at least a few pictures before you get all sweaty cause you get sweaty when you’re nervous,” she said, grabbing her sister’s arm and leading her over to the windows, positioning her with the right lighting. 

They took a few normal portraits, some with her cap and some without, a few candids where Charlie did her best to make her laugh as Grayson watched on, the proudest smile on his face.

“Alright, I want one, I want one!” Devin chimed in, surprising both the Cross sisters. They turned to him with the same expression that had him laughing so hard he held his chest. It was the loudest sound that any of the Dolan’s had ever heard come out of him, but it was contagious enough to have them all smiling.

“What?! It’s not every day my little sis graduates college!” He teased, going to ruffle her hair but thinking better of it at the last minute, instead choosing to wrap her up in the biggest hug, her face adorably squished in the picture that Charlie captured.

After that, it was a revolving door of poses with everyone. Lisa fixed Indy’s hair for her before their picture, and Ethan stole her cap and wore it himself. He offered to take the camera, thankful for Charlie’s settings that seemed to work magic as he took a few cute one of the duo, even a few with Indy on Charlie’s back. Devin joined in and they recreated the shoot from their engagement party that Indy still had on the top shelf. 

By the time it was Grayson’s turn, Indy’s cheeks were sore from smiling. But she couldn’t help but beam at him as he waltzed over to her in his dress pants and button down, all dressed up for her big day. She did her best to ignore the click of the camera as Grayson fixed her cap, moved her honors cords so they were even where they hung. They took the normal formal poses, and Grayson stole Ethan’s idea of borrowing the cap. But Indy gasped when he tossed it to the side and scooped her up bridal style, laughing as he held her tight and kissed her cheek, even dipped her a bit and looked up at Charlie for the photo op. Indy put it on her mental to-do list to get them printed as soon as she could, beyond excited to see them once Charlie sent them over. 

“Okay, we gotta go or we’re gonna be late,” Lisa said, making sure everyone had what they needed for the short walk to the university. Everyone layered up, but while Grayson disappeared in search of his dress coat, Indy pulled her sister aside.

“Hey um. Did… did Dad talk to you at all this week?”

Charlie’s face melted into pity. “I’m sorry bubs.”

“No it’s fine, it’s no big deal. Didn’t expect him to, I just wanted to check so I didn’t get blindsided or anything if he showed up.” 

Charlie just nodded and gave her a small smile. She didn’t tell her little sister that she’d told Kenneth about her graduation - four times, actually. He’d never responded, though she could see that he’d read them. Charlie was so used to making excuses for him that she had a whole list of them backed up. He had to work. Traffic. He wanted to come, but something came up. But when she looked at Indy, who wasn’t so much her little sister anymore, she bit her tongue, put her arm around her and headed out the door.

The ceremony was in the science building. John Clark University didn’t have anywhere big enough to house the entire graduating class, so they opted to split it up into smaller ceremonies by discipline instead.

“It should be pretty quick actually, there’s not a ton of us,” Indy said when they arrived, looking over her shoulder at all the graduates moving to get checked in and lined up.

“We’ll wave when you come out so you can find us!” To Indy’s surprise, Lisa’s eyes were teary. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Li,” Indy smiled, pulling her in for a last minute hug, trying not to get emotional herself at the fact that a woman who had no obligation to love her cared so much.

“Don’t trip,” Ethan grinned, nudging her shoulder to lighten the mood.

She turned to Grayson, kissing him quickly before she finally headed off, looking back a few times before she disappeared around the corner. 

“Okay seats, seats, we gotta get good ones!” Charlie exclaimed, immediately leading the group through the rows - it was a massive lecture hall with the flip down chairs Grayson had only seen in movie theatres and movies. When they finally found five seats together, he found himself wandering what it was like to be in class somewhere so big, with so many other people learning the same thing. 

Despite feeling like they were running late, there were plenty more graduates and families that filed into the building, taking their seats and patiently awaiting the procession. 

Thirty minutes later they finally began to file through, a straight line of black robes and red and white tassels. Charlie spotted Indiana first, with Grayson a millisecond behind her, both of them standing up to wave until she saw them and waved back. He kept track of her as she went to sit down in her row, kept his eyes on her as best he could while the main speaker began his speech. He didn’t care what he had to say - he only had eyes for his girl, who looked back every so often and offered him a little wave that still had his heart fluttering like they were hiding in the curtains of Emma’s room all over again. 

Grayson hadn’t experienced a lot of moments of pride in his lifetime. There were a few he could pinpoint - when Ethan won one of their wrestling tournaments in middle school, when their team won their lacrosse championship. When his mom’s salon won best in the city a few years back, when his sister graduated college. But what he felt in that next moment topped every single one. 

The dean of the college of sciences asked everyone to hold their applause, and without any prior consulting, Indy’s entire squad ignored the rule.

“Indiana Jamie Cross. Bachelor’s of Biological Sciences. Summa Cum Laude.”

“WOOOOOO, YEAH DEE!” Grayson yelled it at the top of his lungs, not even noticing the way everyone turned to look at him. He could see Indy’s blush all the way from the stage as they all continued clapping until the next person was called. 

For a moment he was afraid she was embarrassed, but when she took her seat again he saw her turn around and blow him a quick kiss. He caught it in the air and threw her a wink, excited to get to her to give her a real one, which was exactly what he did when she finally made it out of the stream of people at the end of the ceremony. Everyone’s hearts melted when he spun her around and planted one on her.

Charlie took a few more pictures of her with her diploma before Grayson spoke back up.

“Alright, coffee’s on me!” 

It seemed to have gotten somewhat colder outside as the wind whipped around the buildings, and Indy curled into a much warmer Grayson as the group headed down the sidewalk. He moved his finger to her palm.

P-R-O-U-D-O-F-U

She leaned her cheek against his shoulder, her blush almost warm enough to soak through his coat. 

But it was nothing compared to the redness that spread over her cheeks when she walked into Jets.

“HAPPY GRADUATION INDIANA!” 

The cry was championed by Patrick, who stood in the lobby absolutely beaming at her, below a banner that they’d hung above the espresso bars that read the same. Indy didn’t have to ask - the grin on Grayson’s face gave it away. She wanted to ask him how long he’d planned that surprise, how many more he had in store. She felt woefully undeserving, especially when she realized that Patrick had shut down the store for an hour just for her. 

“And I thought you giving me free coffee was bad for business,” she said in his ear when she hugged him. 

“I don’t know what lover boy over there does but he covered normal sales for the hour and then some,” he mumbled.

One of the baristas handed Ethan a sign that read “closed for private celebration” to hang on the door, and then it was truly time to celebrate. Indy walked behind the bar like she had a million times before, happy to see that everything was still in the same place. Patrick threw her an apron that she jokingly tied on over her robe before she clapped her hands together. 

“Alright, who wants what?” 

She made some of her best latte art that day - leaves, a flower for Lisa, a slightly lopsided swan for Devin per his request. It felt nice to be in a familiar place doing something she was good at - it blanketed over the uncertainty that had begun to settle in when she realized that everything was on a trajectory of change. She would never sit in another undergraduate course, never have some of her favorite professors again. And there was always the factor of possibly looking at other schools - they all started their programs in the fall, which meant she had time to truly look, if she really wanted to. From her first tour of campus she’d always thought she would be at JCU for her whole academic career, but her mind began to wander when she heard the buzzing of all the other top schools that her cohort were applying to - Baylor, Harvard, and the one that had piqued her interest the most, UCLA.

She’d googled their admission rates one night when Grayson had fallen asleep during a back scratch, and her chances looked good. Really good. But she’d closed the tab quickly - LA was too far away from New York, from home.

“Hey. Where’d you go?” Grayson’s voice was soft as he clinked his mug against hers to get her attention. 

“Just thinking,” she smiled, turning her head and tilting up until he kissed her quickly. “I’ll be right back.”

Indiana hopped off her barstool and headed back behind the bar, following Patrick who had disappeared to the back storage room. It was like walking into a friend���s house you hadn’t been to in a while when she passed through the swinging door. The freezers on the left and the syrups in organized rows on her right, just like before. 

“Don’t even think about trying to do any dishes while you’re here,” Patrick said, his back still to her as she moved to the sink. She’d had too much time to think while she sat and waited for her name to be called during the ceremony - too much empty mental space that could be allotted to all the things she should be doing. Which meant she’d managed to hatch up a whole plan to better herself in more ways than one in a mere 20 minutes. 

“Do you guys still have the same insurance policy for employees? Like the new health benefits, the mental health ones that you all put in like two months before I left?”

Patrick turned the water off.

“Yeah, insurance is the same, it covers four therapy sessions a month for anyone who qualifies. But that’s just for full time employees. But I could probably pull a few strings and get you some benefits with part time hours… is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah everything is fine! I was just curious. Thanks.” 

Indy turned to leave, jumping a bit when she realized that Charlie was behind her. 

“What’re you doing back here?”

“I was looking for Patrick, there’s a delivery guy here with milk,” Charlie explained, but there was a seriousness in her brows that let Indy know that she had not only heard enough of the conversation, but that she was definitely going to have to talk about it later.

Damn.

She pushed the thought aside and put on another smile before they all exited the backroom, laughing at the sight of one of Ethan trying to steam milk. He turned at her entrance and lost his focus, moving the pitcher down too far and spraying almond milk everywhere before the barista who was helping him flipped the wand back up.

“Eden’s on facetime for you over there!” He pointed towards the counter and his phone, which Indy happily picked up to find a beaming Eden, who informed her that she’d sent a card that would probably be there a few days late, but she’d tried. She stayed on FaceTime while they all thanked Patrick again and headed back to the apartment, Lisa unveiling the gift pile and vegan cookie cake she’d managed to sneak in while Grayson had distracted Indiana with questions about his outfit choices. Almost every gift made Indiana cry - just the idea that they’d spent any time thinking about her was enough to have her emotional anyways. But between the blanket that Lisa had embroidered with JCU 20’, Ethan’s gift of a JCU Alumni sweatshirt and Indy’s dream record player that Charlie and Devin had got her, she was teary-eyed. Her mouth fell open when Grayson came out with a giant box from the spare room - she couldn’t for the life of her figure out how he’d managed to sneak it in past her - but she didn’t care when she unwrapped it and realized it was a Mastrena.

“You bought me an espresso machine? Grayson! These things cost a fortune!”

“Yeah, but you graduated college! And now you can make lattes all the time.”

“Gray-”

“And you can make me lattes,” he teased, knowing it would take her a while to fully accept it. She just shook her head when he kissed her cheek, overwhelmed.

By the time the night was coming to a close, everyone was piled onto the couch, with Charlie and Indy on their boyfriend’s laps to make room for everyone as they watched Collateral Beauty at Indy’s request. Grayson frowned when she sniffled and held her when she cried, eyes more focused on her than the screen. And he couldn’t say he was too sad to see Lisa and Ethan say goodbye, or for Devin and Charlie to say their goodnights before they disappeared into the spare room. 

The duo brushed their teeth in the sink side by side, and Grayson snapped a picture of them in the mirror with a foamy smile before they stripped down to underwear and scurried under the covers. 

Indy was just as glad to have him to herself for the first time all day, and she soaked in his warmth, sighing when he pulled her closer. 

“I love you. Thank you for today.”

Y-O-U-R-E-W-E-L-C-O-M-E he traced on her shoulder blade, lips on her forehead. 

T-I-R-E-D?

“Why?” Grayson smirked, laughing quietly when she smacked his chest.

“It’s been a long day, that’s why.”

“For you,” he corrected.

“You had to sit around and watch me all day though.”

“You say that as if it’s something I wouldn’t enjoy. I could celebrate you everyday baby.” 

She blushed at his words, burying her face in his neck. 

“For someone as accomplished as you, you really suck at letting people acknowledge your accomplishments,” he teased, running his fingertips over her skin lightly. She did the same over his chest, tracing a hexagon. 

“I’m… I’m not used to people being proud of me I guess.”

Grayson frowned and pulled back and looked at her, really looked in her eyes. They were still the color of the jellyfish, just a bit duller in the low light of her bedroom. 

“I’m proud of you Indiana.” He paused, offering her a small smile. “But you know what? I’m not the most proud.”

Indy waited.

“Your mom. She’s gotta be the most proud of you. She’s seen every single minute you put in to get where you are right now.”

She crumpled into his chest, and the tears that had threatened her all day finally fell, hot and salty as they traveled onto his skin. It was quiet in the room for a while, and Grayson waited patiently - quietly, until she spoke again.

“I felt her today. She was there.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t see her or anything. But I had a dream about her the other night though, and it felt like she was really there with me. And it felt like that today too. Does that ever happen to you? With your dad?”

“Oh all the time. He’s always with me. Sometimes it’s stronger than other times - like when I’m about to do stupid shit, or make a mistake, I can hear him clear as day in my head. But it’s comforting, you know? Knowing they’re there, watching over us.”

“Yeah.” Indy’s throat was tight all over again. She wished she could have met Sean for a moment, and then she realized that in some ways, in knowing Grayson, she had.

“You know, one of the things that really stuck with me, towards the end, was something his nurse said. Her name was Charlotte, and she must have been working fucking overtime because she was always there. But one day I was in the hallway, cause I just needed a break, and she came and sat down next to me on the floor. And at that point, I mean we knew. We didn’t know when, but we knew. And she looked at me and she said ‘sweetheart, this is a gift for him. He gets so much more time with you, because he can always be with you instead of only sometimes.’ And I remember, I was so fucking mad at her, because who the fuck says that shit to someone whose about to lose their parent? But she was right. She was so fucking right.

“And while the doctors were in and out, giving us all these numbers and all these timelines and all that, Charlotte was the only one who really told me anything that mattered. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my dad didn’t want to know anything about his… his cancer. He didn’t want to know his counts, or how much time he had left. He never asked, and she was the only one who stood by him in that, made sure that he didn’t know anything he didn’t want to. And it meant so much to him, in the end, that he had that choice. That was one of the only things he asked us to do, before he went. He told us not to cry, and he told us to take care of Ma, and Cam, but he told us to look out for Charlotte too. When we could think, we went back to the unit, asked the other nurses if there was anything she needed, and it turns out she’d been driving a 1995 Honda for a decade, and she didn’t think it would make it through the rest of the winter. We bought her an SUV, and I still don’t think she knows it was us, but I swear my dad told me which one to get for her. And he was so fucking proud.”

Indiana hung on his every word, watching him as he watched the ceiling, like he always did when he talked about his father. 

“He has so much to be proud of Grayson. He helped raise a wonderful, wonderful man. The best, actually.” 

Her voice snapped him out of his own head, and he turned to her quickly, worried.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Hey, don’t ever apologize for that. I like hearing about your dad, and it’s good to get it out sometimes. You can tell me anything that’s on your mind, you know that.” 

He looked at her, there in his arms, eyes a bit puffy from tears passed, that soft smile on her lips that was somehow more endearing than her full one, and he felt tears of his own start to prickle. He knew she meant it, knew she would be understanding, and that somehow made it worse.

What was he supposed to say? I love you so much, and I think you’re the love of my life, but our lives are completely different, and I promised I wouldn’t ask you to go to LA, and I’m terrified of losing you and I don’t want to hurt you.

His lips parted, and then he closed them again. She yawned so hard that her nose scrunched, and when she was done she curled back up against his chest, wrapping her arms around him. 

“M’tired,” she mumbled, which meant she was already half asleep.

He pulled the covers over her shoulders and kissed her hair.

“I love you,” she whispered, tracing the same letters she spoke.

“I love you more.” His voice was tight as his finger moved against the back of her arm, and he turned the lamp off before any of his tears fell. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

When Indiana woke up, Grayson’s arms were like a cage around her. Usually, they were still somewhat intertwined when they woke, but she’d never had to maneuver her way out of his arms with so much force before.

She finally managed it, and replaced herself with a pillow that he gladly pulled to his chest. Indy couldn’t help but to lean over and brush some of his floppy hair out of his eyes, staring for a moment before she pulled herself away and headed into the kitchen. 

The reason for her early wake up was standing in front of the fridge, with a head of blonde hair that resembled a birds nest. 

When she turned around, she looked guilty as ever.

“Shit, did I wake you up?”

“Nah,” Indy reassured her sister with a smile, moving over to the coffee machine. “It’s 10 anyways, I’m surprised I slept that long.”

Grayson had gotten her a newer version that was actually fairly quiet, but she made sure both the bedroom doors were shut before she ground the espresso for her latte, and Charlie’s flat white. 

Charlie was nice enough to wait until she had her mug to bring it up.

“So.”

Indy sighed. “So.”

“You asked Patrick about insurance stuff.”

“Yes.”

“So you’re going to work there again?”

“I have to pay rent somehow, don’t I?”

“Dad pays your rent.”

“I don’t want dad to pay my rent, that’s the whole issue.”

“Okay, but you didn’t ask Patrick about salary, you asked him about insurance. For mental health specifically.”

“You know, it’s not polite to eavesdrop.”

“Are you okay? Because you know that you can always talk to me about stuff, whatever it is. And I know I’m not the best about talking about mom, but I can try, I’ve been doing better with it and-”

“Char. Stop. It’s not about mom.”

“Oh.” It was obvious by her long pause that she hadn’t considered an alternative, but Indy waited anyways.

“Then… what’s going on?”

Indy toyed with the foam on her latte with her finger, ignoring how hot it was.

“I was thinking about trying to get a handle on the plane thing.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t want it to be such a big deal for me to just, fucking fly somewhere. I gotta get over that shit.”

Charlie pondered it for a minute, and she chose her next words carefully.

“Just to fly? Or to fly to a specific place.”

Indy laughed.

“You know, you’ve never been good at subtle. You got that from mom. But no, I’m not just doing it because of Grayson.”

“Did he ask you to?”

“Of course not, he wouldn’t do that.” Charlie’s shoulders relaxed. “But he does live in LA, which means I’ve gotta be able to fly out there.”

“How often?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t really talked about it.” 

“Oh. Doesn’t he leave soon though?”

“January.” She said it casually.

“Inds that’s next month.”

“We’ll figure it out.” 

Charlie had a million more questions, but she held her tongue and sipped her coffee. 

“I’ve gotta pack, our flight leaves in a few hours. I’m assuming you don’t have any breakfast food.”

“Actually, I do, but I’m not the breakfast chef around here.”

She sat her mug down on the counter and threw Charlie a wink before she headed back into her room as quietly as she could, sneaking up to the edge of the bed. Grayson had rolled to his stomach, something in his unconscious realizing that the pillow that he’d tossed away was in fact not his girlfriend. He almost looked too adorable to disturb.

Almost.

She went the gentle route, changing her mind on the pounce plan that she’d originally made. Instead, she crawled up the mattress and over his back, laying down on top of him with her cheek pressed to his warm shoulder.

He grunted a bit, but it turned into a sigh when she started peppering kisses along his skin.

“Mornin gorgeous,” he grumbled, eyes still closed. “What’re you doin’ back there?”

“Just hanging out.”

“Well- “ he rolled slightly, just enough to pull her over his side and onto the mattress so he could move right back with her underneath him -” maybe you should hang out down here instead.”

She relaxed into him like she always did, peppering kisses against his chest. Her hands ran over the ripples of muscles in his arms before she stopped and traced.

B-R-E-A-K-F-A

“Ahhh, so you didn’t just come in here for cuddles huh,” Grayson cut her off with a smile, quirking an eyebrow when she looked up at him. 

“If you make us all avocado toast I’ll pay you in cuddles,” she offered. It puffed up Grayson’s chef alter ego just enough to convince him to get out of bed and throw some pants on. Indy stayed closed to him, soaking up the last bits of warmth from the morning as she helped him prep everything for breakfast. She could have done it, but Grayson’s pride at a very nicely laid out plate of avo toast, strawberries and honeydew was the best addition she could make. So she stuck to the coffees instead, passing over mugs as Devin appeared and Charlie followed, though she was still working on her cup from earlier. 

“Well, now I see how he turned you into a breakfast person,” she said, graciously accepting a plate. They ate over quiet conversation, enjoying the last little bit of time they had before the airport and the inevitable goodbye. Grayson had bonded with the duo even more during their visit, and he was sad to see them having to leave again so soon. When Indy went to change, Grayson followed her, frowning when she didn’t pick her warmest jacket. 

“It’s supposed to get really cold out, you’ll probably want your big one,” he said as subtly as he could, popping his knuckles as he spoke. 

“I thought it was supposed to be a little warmer today,” she pouted. “We’re only gonna be outside to walk to the car.”

“Right, but you’re always cold. Just wear that one.” He gave her his most dazzling smile and she gave in, sliding in on before she left. Grayson was grateful that she listened - it meant he didn’t have to reveal his final graduation surprise too soon. He bit his tongue on the drive to the airport, gave out his hugs to Charlie and Devin, squeezing Indy into his side when she sniffled at the sight of her sister disappearing into the terminal.

Indy didn’t have a single suspicion until Grayson took a different turn into the city, much earlier than usual - 50th, instead of 26th.

“Bub? This is the wrong way.”

“No it isn’t.”

“We get off on 26th for the garage.”

“We aren’t going to the garage.” He couldn’t keep the smile off his face - the sheepish one that always made Indy’s heart flutter. She’d seen it so many times, but it still had the same effect on her every single time.

“Well then where are we going?” There was a childlike excitement in her voice that made Grayson laugh. He pulled her hand up to his face, kissed her skin softly. 

“You’ll see.”

The first stop it seemed, was a jewelry store.

“This is not the surprise by the way, just an errand. Gotta pick up a christmas gift for mom.” 

“I was gonna get her a sweater for christmas, do you think she’ll like that?” 

“Li does love a good sweater. She’ll love anything you get her though, you’re the favorite.”

Indy rolled her eyes but didn’t respond as one of the workers came up and asked what they were there for. When Grayson gave his name she headed to the back and came back out with a small box.

“May I?” She asked.

Grayson nodded, waiting for her to open it. Inside was a beautiful ring, silver and delicate, with a large light blue stone in a princess cut.

“It’s beautiful,” Indy mused.

“Blue topaz. My dad’s birthstone. Mine and E’s too. You think she’ll like it?”

“Gray she’ll love it, of course she’ll love it.”

“I hope so.” His nerves were evident - he was always on a mission to make sure that his mom still had a good Christmas, although she always said all she needed was to have her kids back under her roof for the day. He paid the final portion of the ring payment and slipped the box into his pocket, waiting until they were back outside to turn to Indy with a wide smile.

“Now, we really celebrate.”

They walked hand in hand down the street. Indy kept her protests to herself - she wasn’t used to being spoiled in any way. In fact, it still made her uncomfortable when anyone spent money on her in any form, but she tried to remind herself that money didn’t mean the same thing to him as it did to her. So when they strolled up to one of the nicer restaurants in the city for a late lunch, she bit her tongue and tried not to think about the prices, following him inside to the warmth. It was dimly lit, the type of place where the host would take your coat off and pull your chair out for you.

Grayson beat him to it, fingers brushing over her shoulders while he pulled her coat off. She felt underdressed in just jeans and a sweater, but he looked at her like she hung the moon for him and him alone, and she wondered for a moment if there would ever be a day in their lives together that he couldn’t make her blush just by looking at her. 

The menu didn’t even have prices next to the items, and it made Indy’s mouth dry enough for her to finish her water before the waiter even came back for their order. 

Grayson noticed. He always noticed. He reached a hand across the small table for her hand, thumb running over her smooth acrylics that she’d gotten pre-graduation.

“Why are you nervous bub?”

“This place is expensive,” she explained after a moment’s hesitation.

“And graduating college a year early is a feat worth celebrating,” he reminded her, raising up his wine glass filled with water. “Despite the fact that you seem to hate being celebrated.”

“I don’t hate being celebrated. I’m just… not used to it I guess. Wasn’t a big Cross family thing, even before.”

“Well, it’s a big Dolan family thing.”

“I guess I better get used to it then.” 

She clinked her glass against his as he swallowed hard, the movement of his throat hidden by the lighting. He pushed the thoughts from his head, the constant nagging he seemed to never be able to escape from, the better part of his conscience begging him to do the right thing, to tell her what he was thinking. She didn’t deserve for him to drag it out if he really was going to end things - she deserved so much more, more than he could give her with the life that he led. But every time he thought he had the courage to say something she’d reel him back in with a smile, or a witty comment, or just a look, entirely unaware of what she was doing. And he couldn’t imagine her anywhere else but the spot that she’d managed to carve out in his soul in just a few short months. He knew deep down he’d never find anyone else to fill it, but he also knew that she deserved to live the life she wanted to. A life without a boyfriend whose life interfered with hers. He just didn’t know how to reconcile with the fact that he would break her heart, and his own in the process.

So, he ignored his conscience and gave in to the selfish side of himself. 

When she asked where he’d gone, he said he was planning, and it wasn’t a lie. If he was only going to have so many days with her, he wasn’t willing to sacrifice a single moment.

So he held her hand on top of the table while they waited for their food, striking up a conversation about college memories and her classmates that she would miss the most. The food was as incredible as he expected, and he made a mental note to thank Ethan for the recommendation. Grayson made sure that Indy didn’t see the inside of the bill when the waiter brought it, even being careful to slip the $200 in cash in the billfold practically under the table. 

He led her back out into the cold, for once thankful for the early sunset of NYC that already had the city lights glowing against the fading sky. There was something magical about it, about existing on the streets with so many other people, knowing each one of them had their own story and life that they led. Indy people watched as Grayson led her safely down the streets, letting her cling onto his arm for comfort and warmth. It was only a few blocks until they saw the metallic flags and turned the corner to find the Rockefeller Center tree, massive and glorious in its height. It was speckled with what seemed like millions of lights, all twinkling in bright colors amongst the branches. 

“Wow.”

Grayson watched the wonder on her face with a chuckle. “You’re a New Yorker, aren’t you supposed to be used to this shit?”

She smacked his arm, but kept her eyes forward. “I haven’t been to see it in years. It’s beautiful.”

He looked at her. “Yeah. Beautiful.” 

He let her admire it as long as she wanted, resting his cheek against the top of her head when she leaned over on him. 

“You wanna get closer?”

She frowned at him. “How?”

Grayson started walking with her in tow, down the stairs and around the plaza until he got to the ground level, fishing two tickets out of his jacket pocket for the attendant at the front of the ice rink. Indiana squeezed his arm. 

“Gray. Baby, this is so sweet, but I can’t skate for shit.” 

“Why am I not surprised,” he laughed, shaking his head before he kissed her forehead. “I won’t let you fall. Promise.” 

They checked out their skates quickly, lacing up on one of the benches before Indy rose on wobbly feet, immediately letting out a squeal and reaching for her boyfriend. He caught her with a laugh, adjusting his own balance before they started walking to the edge of the ice. That familiar Grayson confidence was evident as he stepped on, getting his bearings before he reached out a hand for her.

“C’mon, I’ve got you. You got this, just one foot at a time.”

She grabbed both his hands and let him counteract her weight as she tried to get her footing, finally finding her balance after a moment of wobbling.

“Okay, now push off with one foot and glide with the other. Like this.”

He went to let go to demonstrate, and she clung to his hands with a squeak. “Don’t let go!”

Grayson’s cackle bounced off the ice. “Okay, okay! I’m right here, you’re good. Just try.”

Indy didn’t like not being good at things. But god was she terrible at ice skating. It didn’t matter how much instruction Grayson tried to give her, it was like it refused to translate into the movement of her legs. She was adorable when she was frustrated, but Grayson wanted it to be enjoyable for her too, so after a few laps around of watching her struggle he slid behind her, hands solid on her hips.

“Just keep your legs and feet straight, and I’ll do the rest.”

She held onto his hands as he started to push her along - she’d forgotten that he was annoyingly athletic but the feeling of actually gliding across the ice kept her from teasing him about it. It was peaceful, and despite the crowd both on the ice and above them by the tree, she felt like they were the only two in the city. 

Grayson took them through the middle after they’d gone around a few times, towards the center for one pass and she squeezed his hand when they got there.

“Wait, stop!”

He turned his skates, throwing a bit of ice onto her ankles on accident, peaking over her shoulder.

“What’s up?”

“Turn me around. Please.”

He did as she asked, faster than he meant to, and it had her nails digging into his shoulders as he tried to hold her up without them both going down. She was breathing fast when he got them steady, quirking an eyebrow.

“We gotta take a picture in front of the tree!” 

He obliged, pulling his phone out of his pocket and turning them slowly until the tree was behind them, snapping a few of the two of them smiling before he kissed her cheek, and then her lips, randomly pressing the button and hoping they were still in frame. 

Her lips were cold against his, and tasted like the vanilla chapstick she’d put on before they’d left the restaurant. It sent tingles down the back of his neck that made him put his phone back in his pocket and pull her closer to him. 

Wrong move. He’d never met someone so uncoordinated in his life, and it was the closest call of them all when her legs started to flail. His only hope of saving her from hitting the ice was to pick her up fully and hope that he could keep his balance with the sudden weight shift. 

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly, clinging to his neck while he laughed.

“What am I gonna do with you,” he teased, and in a moment of confidence he dipped her down like they were dancing and kissed her again. The same tingle went down his neck, the hair there standing up, still there even when he sat her on her skates again, keeping an arm wrapped around her waist. 

Above them, as if someone had turned on a machine, it began to snow. Big fluffy flakes fell around them, disappearing into Indy’s light hair and speckling the top of Grayson’s. It was magic in its simplest form, and Indy couldn’t help but beam at him. 

“I love you. So much.”

“I love you more,” he said, and he meant it. 

They headed off the ice a few minutes before their session expired, unlacing their boots with numb fingers that they shoved in their pockets for the walk back to the truck. As soon as they climbed in the cab Grayson blasted the heat and opened an arm for Indy to cuddle up next to him. Once they were thawed enough, Grayson proposed the idea of hot chocolate, specifically to help the fact that Indy’s teeth were still chattering. Which was how they ended up at Jet’s 40 minutes later, squished together in the blue chair by the window, watching the snow fall as they sipped peppermint hot chocolates that Patrick had given them on the house. Grayson dropped a 20 in the tip jar anyways. 

The lobby was busy, with people in and out constantly, wiping the snow off their shoes as best they could on the small doormat. They shuffled through the line, a few of them sitting down for a moment to wait for their names to be called. Indy was used to the bustle, though she felt a bit guilty that she wasn’t behind the bar helping out when she had the skills to. Instead, she just smiled any time a barista looked her way, and spent the rest of her time watching the snow outside.

Grayson’s eyes were on a girl. A few girls, actually, who looked oddly familiar though he couldn’t place where he’d seen them before. They’d sat at a table towards the back of the store, having come in right behind him and Indy. But since then they’d moved forward one table, and then another, and the not so subtle way that two of them had angled their phone had that familiar prickle at the back of his neck rising again. He shifted in his chair quickly, turning his head away and attempting to do his best to block the view of Indiana.

“Hey, you ready to get outta here?”

“Did you finish already?” She asked, surprised considering her cup was still half full. 

“Yeah,” he lied. “Just figured we could get home and change into some cozy pjs is all.”

“That sounds nice.” Indy moved in to kiss his cheek, and though he tried to pull away, he didn’t do it fast enough. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m good.” Two for two. “Let’s just get home.” 

The walk was as short as ever, but it was enough time for Indy’s mind to race. Had he been annoyed that she said something about the restaurant being expensive? Maybe he hadn’t wanted to help her ice skate - most people could at least hold themselves up on the rails at least. But he’d seemed so happy, which somehow made her feel worse, that she’d missed it somehow.

By the time they made it to the elevator, she was borderline panicking.

“Are you sure you’re okay? Did I do something?”

Her words broke Grayson out of his own thoughts, and he rushed into reassurances.

“No, it’s not you baby. It’s not, I promise.”

“Then what is it? And don’t say it’s nothing.” 

“I’m good, really. Just wanted to get home.”

For the first time in her almost three months of knowing Grayson, she didn’t believe him. But she knew when to drop a subject, so she just nodded and followed him out of the elevator. 

Half of Grayson’s wardrobe seemed to have migrated into Indy’s apartment, so it wasn’t hard to find cozy clothes that had them curled up together on the couch in no time. Grayson felt guilty, and tried to distract himself by running his fingers through her soft hair, tried to focus on the weight of her leaned against him. She was quiet as she scrolled through show after show, not really looking. She picked a random cooking show eventually just to fill the silence in the room, moving to lay across Graysons lap. His hand moved under her shirt, fingers still a bit cold as he ran them lightly over her skin. 

She didn’t say anything, just glad to have him there with her. She traced on top of his sweatpants, shapes and words, L-O-V-E-Y-O-U and T-H-A-N-K-Y-O-U. The fabric was so thick that he could barely make out what she was writing.

“Thank you? For what?” 

She rolled over so she was looking up at him. “For today. For celebrating me.” 

He traced a thumb over her cheek. “You’re welcome. I love you. So much.”

“C’mere,” Indy said, reaching up for him. It took some shifting, but eventually they got settled where they were laying together on the couch, with her pressed between the cushions and his chest. She was warm as she kissed him, slow and calculated, trying to get across to him that she was there for whatever he was going through without the words. He reciprocated, but his mind was still spinning, images of the girls and their phones behind his eyelids. 

The kiss faded out into cuddles which faded into an uncomfortable silence that Indy was desperate to resolve.

“What’s the update on the tiny homes? Weren’t the floor guys supposed to come in yesterday?”

“Yeah, Ethan went out there and said they were almost done. We’ve got some interior designers coming out tomorrow and then they’ll be done-done,” Grayson explained, heart rate rising as yet another opportunity to tell her came up. 

“They really got those done so fast. I guess that’s a perk of a tiny home though, not much floor space to floor. How often do you guys think you’re gonna come out and stay in them?”

He licked his lips, trying to find the right words to tell her. 

“Well, actually-”

His phone buzzed in his pocket - a call from Ethan. 

He didn’t know whether to feel grateful or annoyed, but he fished his phone out of his pocket anyways, sliding over to answer. 

“Yo.”

“Hey, mom wants to put up the christmas decs tomorrow cause she still doesn’t have them up. You remember where we put the lights?”

“Yeah, they’re in the attic I think, with the tree.”

“Well, you’re the family santa, so get your ass out here early tomorrow to hang some lights. And bring Indy too, I’ll make breakfast.”

“Don’t make breakfast, we’ll bring donuts or something.”

“Fuck you, be here at 10.”

He hung up, making Grayson roll his eyes and look down at Indy.

“You up for Christmas decorating tomorrow at home tomorrow?”

“Yeah, that sounds like fun! But I’m sure as fuck not getting on the roof.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll do the roof, you can do the stuff inside with Ma. Deal?”

“Deal,” she smiled, wiggling up to kiss him again, trying to chase out the rest of her worries before she curled up into his chest. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The snow had piled onto the sides of the highway in ugly mounds stained with dirt and asphalt drudged up by the plows. So Indy kept her eyes on the trees as they flew by, specifically the evergreens she saw, with their green bristles weighted down with white, heavy and thick. 

“Are you sure you guys wanna get on the roof with all this? Won’t it be slick?”

“Nah, Dad used to do it all the time. I’ll just make E shovel while I try to find the clips we put up there last year. Besides, if I fall off I’ve got a doctor to mend me up,” he teased, squeezing her leg. 

“I’m not a doctor yet.”

“Okay, well an almost doctor then. How many years until you’re actually one again?”

“11 years minimum. Well, 10 for me cause I skipped a year in undergrad. But it could be up to 16, depending on how long my residency would go.”

“And you’re gonna do it all through JCU?”

“Yeah, that’s the plan right now,” she mumbled, eyes still focused out the window. 

“Hey,” he got her attention, waiting for her to turn to him. “You’re gonna be an amazing doctor someday. You’re gonna help so many people. Just having you in the room, doing the little things for people, that’s gonna mean more to those people than you even realize. They’re gonna be really lucky to have you.”

The sentiment seemed to arise out of nowhere, but she still blushed at his kind words. “The little things are actually more the nurses, but thank you.” 

He let her watch the trees for the rest of the drive, and she was so focused on them that she barely noticed Ethan already on the roof when they pulled in. 

He had a bright orange shovel in his hands, the scoop full of snow that he began to swing back and forth once they stepped out of the car, shoes crunching the snow below them.

“Don’t you dare!” Indy called, but it was too late. The snow was already flying and she squealed, grabbing Grayson and pulling him out of the way while it rained down right where they had been standing.

A moment later and Lisa was outside, hands on her hip with the menacing energy only a mom could produce.

“Ethan Grant! That’s how you fall and bust your fucking head open! Knock it off!”

Grayson bit back a laugh when Ethan kicked a tiny bit more snow off the edge so it sprinkled down by Lisa.

“Will you get up there before he falls off please?” She turned to Grayson, exasperated. “Indy, come in, it’s cold.”

It was Indiana’s turn to laugh when Lisa hooked their arms together and led her into the house, leaving Grayson out in the snow. He grabbed the lights that Ethan had already gotten out, looping his arm through before he headed up the ladder at the lowest point of the roof. 

“I’ve already done the other side of the house, so I’m just here for moral support and to save your ass if I need to, my job is done,” Ethan explained, moving over to a spot by the chimney to sit down. 

“Oh yeah, you shoveled on a downhill slope, the horror,” Grayson muttered, but in all honesty he would rather do the lights himself anyways. 

They talked about the tiny homes and the final touches they needed while Grayson moved around the roof carefully, trying to counteract his balance when he got closer to the edge, cursing his mom silently for having roofs so high that they couldn’t do it from the top of a ladder. 

The front of the house went without incident, and Ethan begrudgingly helped by holding the extra lights while Gray strung them. But when Ethan went down the ladder to get the next strand to connect, he took a minute too long to come back up. Grayson tried to use what little patience he was born with, but it fizzled out quickly, making him stomp across the roof to the edge.

“Yo, what the fucks taking so long?”

“Gray.”

“Can you not find them or what?”

“Grayson.”

He didn’t like the tone of his brother’s voice.

“What? What happened?”

“Come down here.”

Grayson took the ladder so quickly that his feet almost slipped, but he was at his brother’s side in a moment, taking his phone that he had outstretched.

His stomach dropped into the snow under his feet as he began to scroll with a numb thumb. There were pictures. So many pictures, and Indy was in every single one of them. Tweet after tweet with different screenshots of the two of them - looking at the tree, ice skating, sitting in Jets, even walking down the street. He pieced it together, realized that the reason the girls had looked familiar was because they’d followed them. 

“Fuck. Fuck.”

Bile rose in his throat when he found a video, zoomed in as far as it would go with surprising quality as he pushed Indy along on the ice, towards the middle of the rink. He watched her squeeze his hands and laugh, watched himself turn her around so they could get their picture, watched himself kiss her cheek and her lips. 

He didn’t want to read, but he couldn’t help himself. There were a few familiar handles that talked about how happy they were for him, but the majority of it was exactly what he expected. 

So much for ‘working on himself’ he’s back on the constant girlfriend trend

Didn’t think she was his type but okayyyyy I guess 🥴

When we said we didn’t want Grayson to end up with an LA girl, we didn’t mean ~that~

Her insta is indiana.jamie, i’ve never even heard of her

The worst was a two set of images from Jet’s, where her face was in plain view. The second one had edited lighting, and was zoomed in on his pocket, with the text above it.

Look I know I sound crazy but WTF IS IN HIS POCKET? IS THAT A RING BOX? GRAY BABY NOOOOOOO

“Fuck.” He couldn’t find another word, and Ethan was no help. A call from Adele came in on his phone, and E looked at him for approval. He just nodded and let him answer, turning away and heading into the house, not even bothering to clean his boots.

“Dee! Indiana!”

“In here!” She called back and he jogged into the living room, not realizing he was breathless until he got there and saw that the tree had been assembled. She had an ornament in her hand when he ran in and she put it on the tree quickly, her stomach tightening at the look on his face.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

“Where’s your phone, have you looked at your phone?”

“It’s over there, it’s just been playing music. Baby what’s wrong?”

He ran over to it, muttering out a ‘shit’ when the screen lit up, both at the flood of notifications and the fact that her lockscreen had changed to their picture from the ice. 

“Woah.” She took her phone from him, unlocking it and heading after all the notifications on instagram. “Holy shit. I got 3,500 new followers, what the fuck?” 

“Indy, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so sorry.”

She closed her phone and looked at him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “For what?”

“I should have thought about it, there’s not usually paps in New York, I didn’t even think about fans, and now everyone’s tweeting a bunch of bullshit about you, I’m just, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

“Slow down,” she murmured, hand moving to his face. She saw Lisa leave the room out of the corner of her eye, but she kept looking at Grayson. “It’s okay. We knew this was going to happen.”

“They saw the ring box in my pocket in some of the pictures, they probably think we’re fucking engaged, and they’re gonna be relentless. Every time you get online you’re gonna see some bullshit about you because of me.”

“Gray, it’s alright. It’s okay, I can handle it.”

“No, you can’t, nobody can, it’s gonna get to you. If you say it doesn’t effect you, you’re fucking lying.” He ran his hands through his hair and then down over his face, sucking in a breath that Indiana recognized. 

“Gray, don’t cry. Look, look.” She unlocked her phone again, exited instagram and held down until it shook, deleting it quickly from her phone. “I don’t even post much anyways. And I don’t have a twitter, I’m not gonna see what they say about me. I don’t care, I promise you I don’t.” 

Her gut told her a different story. Though it wasn’t her favorite quality of herself, Indy liked to be liked. It was natural, but she sought validation from other people more than she wanted to, and it made her dangerously curious to see what had caused such a visceral reaction in her boyfriend.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, dropping his head. She got up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“It’s okay. We’re okay. It’s not your fault.”

And for the first time in his almost three months of knowing Indiana, he didn’t believe her.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part two

“Hi, uh, Y/N? It’s Harry.”

You shut the bathroom door behind you like you had a few days earlier. This time, at least, you knew what you were getting yourself into. 

“Hey, hi, how are you?”

“I’m good--how are you?”

You took a breath, one that might have been too obvious. “I’m good. I’m sorry to just--ramble on your voicemail. I just, you know, hadn’t heard from you.”

Did you expect to? No. Maybe. You didn’t know. You felt stupid and embarrassed that the words had tumbled out of your mouth.

“Yeah--I know, m’sorry about that. I actually, uh, got sick actually after I saw you last, so I was out of commission for a minute. Been busy but, yeah, I’d love to see you if you’re around.”

“I am, yeah, I’m around.”

Thank god--the last thing you needed was for him to let you down easy, be too nice to say that he didn’t have any interest in seeing you again. You’d prepared for that somewhat, worried that you were just another girl he’d slept with some random night, meaningless and casual. 

Maybe it was that--maybe he thought that buying you a nice dinner one night would be enough to put this in the past. A pang of guilt when you realized that might never be possible.

You didn’t wait for him to offer a time or date. “Are you around this weekend?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t mean this in a presumptuous way, but, do you want to come to mine? I know that’s not, like, a date--but, it can be nicer to do something quiet, sometimes.”

You knew what he meant--you knew enough from Glenne to know that if he was seen out in public with you there’d be all sorts of whispers about what it was and what it meant. You didn’t tell him, but you figured somewhere private was a better place to have the conversation you had to have.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Uh, tomorrow? Sunday?”

“Tomorrow’s good--if that works.”

“Sure,” he said. “I can text you my address. Do you want to say around seven?”

“Sure. Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then.”

“Yeah, looking forward to it, Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You hung up, wiped at the sweat that had formed on your forehead, and stared in the mirror. It wasn’t terrible. It was awkward, sure, but he didn’t say no and he didn’t seem to think you were crazy or weird or totally out of line asking to see him again. 

You composed a message to Lexi and Glenne. 

Y/N L/N (2:31pm): I’m seeing him tomorrow. 

Glenne Christiaansen (2:34pm): Thank god. I seriously felt like Jeff could tell something was up this morning. 

Y/N L/N (2:35pm): Well don’t be weird with him!

Lexi MacMillan (2:37pm): Glenne if you fuck anything up so help me god. 

Glenne Christiaansen (2:39pm): I’m not going to! I’m a bad liar so I would appreciate it if we could get this out in the open asap. 

Lexi MacMillan (2:39pm): Glenne...not really about you 🙄 

Glenne Christiaansen (2:39pm): I’m not trying to rush you, I just feel bad knowing!

Y/N L/N (2:40pm): I know. I’m telling him tomorrow. 

Y/N L/N (2:41pm): He said I could come to his house. So, we’ll see. I’ll keep you updated.

**

It wasn’t as far of a drive as you remembered. Maybe the high levels of cortisol coursing through you sped things up, or maybe it was the adrenaline of having just hung up with your mom. 

She knew something was up--she always knew. She called you in the morning and you couldn’t do it, you pretended all was fine and you told her that you were about to head to the grocery store. She didn’t really buy it but she let you go. 

And when you got in the car around 6:15 and found yourself with enough traffic on Santa Monica Boulevard, the guilt started to creep in again. So you dialed her number, put the phone on speaker, and made her promise to not freak out. 

She’d always been the type of mom who could keep a straight face--one who played it cool even when you told her you got detention or pricey parking ticket. She raised you by herself after she split with your dad, a guy who lived somewhere outside of Las Vegas with a new wife and a new daughter. 

She was quiet when you said it. A few seconds ticked by before she spoke. Are you sure? You took a test? Who’s the father?

You know my friend Glenne? You know how her boyfriend is also in the music business? 

She couldn’t believe it at first--a name she’d heard a few times on TV or even from you. She asked the inevitable: what are you going to do?

You told her you didn’t know. You swore you’d think it all through and keep her updated, talked her down and convinced her she didn’t need to drive down to LA from the sleepy town of Santa Paula, where you grew up on bicycles and with books in your small bedroom, reaching for a future that was always bigger than your small town. 

So sure, maybe you had a plan. As a kid you always thought about being an adult--the steps in the following order: college, job, husband, promotion, kids. Scattered in between there was the possibility of a pet, maybe even relocating outside of the city--a house with a pool, for sure. 

None of it included an unplanned pregnancy fathered by someone like him. It hadn’t ever crossed your mind. 

You cried a bit more after you hung up--your mom reminded you that you didn’t have to keep a brave face for her, but after all this time, you were used to it. 

So at least, when you pressed the button on the gate that somehow paged him inside, you felt a bit more confident about your ability to spit out the words without throwing up or crying. That was a win. 

“Hey--it should open now,” his voice was muffled through the speaker, the gate started to hum before it separated, revealing a white house tucked in the hills, a smooth driveway and a view of the city. 

He greeted you at the front door, a smile on his face when you lifted your sunglasses. 

“Hi,” he said. “Find your way okay?”

“Yeah,” you said, a nod. “It vaguely felt familiar, I definitely remember drunkenly looking out the windows on the ride home.”

He laughed--apparently comfortable enough to skip over the whole awkward we slept together phase. He stepped aside and held the door open, allowing you to step into the main foyer. 

That’s when it came back--laughing as you followed him up the stairs and down the hall, a drink in your hand. The view is priceless, he said. He showed you his bedroom, the twinkly lights of Los Angeles looked like snowflakes when you blurred your eyes, he joked that maybe you both drank too much. 

You sat beside him on the bed, told him about the time Glenne came to visit in college and you realized that there was someone who could put Lexi in her place. 

Before you knew it his hands were on your skin, your fingers fumbling with the button of his pants. You told him he didn’t have to, insecurity washed through you when you realized this type of event was probably usually reserved for models or actresses. Shouldn’t it be Lexi in your place? Someone taller and thinner and prettier and richer?

“I’d give you a tour,” he said, pulling you back to the present, “but you’ve already seen it.”

You held back a smile. “I remember it all from, you know, sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

“Right, very rude of you, really,” he smiled, crossed his arms over his chest. An awkward pause. “I would have reached out, but, I dunno--I guess I thought you didn’t want me to since you left.”

You opened your mouth to speak but then licked your lips. “No--I was just, I didn’t want to impose.”

“Well, you missed what would have been a delicious breakfast.”

Quiet for a second, you were glad he was playful, friendly, flirty, even. You knew you were about to kill any sort of mood there might be. 

“Listen--uh, I actually have something to tell you.”

He tilted his head to the side, a curious smile on his face, just like when you told Glenne. He watched you, dimpled cheeks, as if you were about to admit you’d been thinking about him, wishing he’d call, hoping to see him again. 

For a second you wondered if it was the right move, telling him at all. Maybe it wasn’t his problem. Maybe he’d hate you and be angry or maybe he’d think you did it on purpose, a claim to fame or a 401k cash in. Maybe you were better off navigating the waters of motherhood alone. Alternatively, maybe you took the other path. Easier for everyone, right?

But he looked too curious, too innocent, too pure. He noticed the emotion on your face, the water that had pooled in your eyes. His expression changed, furrowed brows and a twitch in his lips before you spit it out. 

“I’m pregnant.”

Again. Quiet--the typical response at this point. Something you were used to. You could see a plane in the distance, on final approach to LAX. Somewhere in the world there were people laughing and hugging and somewhere there were scenes much happier than this one. 

“Uh--I--,” he shook his head, blinked a few times, almost like he didn’t quite understand. “Because of us?”

A nod. You didn’t feel like divulging the same information about how there was no other possibility, especially to someone like him--someone who was surely much more sexually active than you were. 

“You’re sure?”

Another nod. You reached into your purse and pulled out the papers you had printed that afternoon. The results from Dr. Weston’s office. Numbers and words you didn’t really understand. “Here--I, uh, I have these.”

He blinked again, took them in his hands and looked down at them. He licked his lips and then rubbed at his neck. “What’s all this mean?”

“It’s just the test results. I did two myself, you know, the pee on a stick ones. Then a urine sample at the doctor and a blood test, too. Four positive results.”

He was quiet, the lack of noise and words seemed to spike emotion in you, more water in your eyes became tears on your cheeks. He still stared at the paper. 

A part of you wanted to turn around, leave, drive back to your house and climb into bed. Maybe then it would feel like none of this was happening. But you were frozen, feet stuck on the floor in his foyer, staring at the stubble on his chin and the necklace that hung around his neck.

A shaky breath. “I’m sorry--I was--we used a condom, I don’t know how it happened.”

He looked up at you quickly, the rawness of your voice and cracks between words seemed to grab his attention. “Will you, uh, take a test in front of me?”

That made you stop crying really quick. “W-what?” A sniffle when you wiped at your face. 

“It’s just, to be sure. I don’t--sometimes people do this to people like me, and--” 

“Are you insinuating that I’m--” you looked around, not even sure what to call it. “Making this up?”

“It’s not you--I would ask that of anyone.”

Your lips parted, you stared past his shoulder and into the living room. 

Let me give you a tour, he’d said, dimples on his cheeks when he looked down at you that night. Sat on the edge of the couch, he stood above you, handed Lexi another drink before he introduced himself. 

We’ve already met, you teased. You recounted your first meeting, jogged his memory by describing the dress you wore, the restaurant you went to. It had been six months earlier. I’m Y/N, you said. Your name brought it all back for him.

Back in the room, he shifted his weight on his feet. You thought on it for a second. You’d expected him to be shocked and surprised--even angry or disinterested would have been understandable. You didn’t, for a second, think that he might not believe you. 

It made sense, as much as you hated to admit it. You were sure that somewhere out there was a person who would make this type of thing up--news outlets covered stories like that all the time. 

But this--the upheaval of everything you’d come to know--you wished you were making it up. You weren’t someone he met in some hotel bar with something to gain. You were a friend of a friend, wrong place, wrong time. 

“Look--someone will make us do that anyway. Jeff or someone would insist that I have more proof. And I can’t just tell them I took your word for it.”

Another reminder of the distance between you. The fact that Harry drove a Tesla and you had a Honda. The fact that now they were his friends and you were the outsider--the one screwing it all up. And now your friends had to choose sides, and apparently, Jeff was already on Harry’s before he even knew about it. 

“I mean--fine, I can show you the two I already took. I’ll take another, and you can see it, if you want.” 

He nodded. “Yeah, m’sorry, that’s just probably for the best.”

He offered to drive--promised your car would be safe in his driveway until you could come back for it. So you endured the nearly forty minute drive back to your house in quasi-silence, save for the voices from the radio that didn’t break the tension. 

He asked about work, you pretended to be interested in the upcoming release of his music. But the long pauses and sideways glances made it feel like you both knew the questions were obligatory and forced and surface, a lazy attempt at ignoring the obvious.

You pointed out a spot for him to park near the sidewalk, beneath the willow tree across the street that always left pollen on your windshield. He followed you across the road, up to the front door in your snug residential neighborhood. 

“Hi,” you called into the living room, knowing that Lexi had the day off from filming. With your luck at this point, she’d probably be naked (or halfway there) in the kitchen. High as a kite or asleep on the couch. 

“Hey! How’d it--oh.”

She appeared from her bedroom, eyes wide when she took in the sight of Harry trailing behind you. You ignored the flush on his cheeks and the shy smile he threw in her direction. 

It must have hit him--Lexi knew. Lexi--who Harry had known for at least three or four years now--offered a wave in his direction and tried to play it cool. 

“Hi Lexi.”

“He wants me to pee on a stick again,” you said flatly. 

She pulled her head back, a smirk on her face when she turned to Harry. “Really?”

He let out a sigh and shrugged his shoulders. “Do you want to know what could happen if I believed every woman who’s ever said that to me?”

“There’s been multiple?” Lexi looked at him like he was crazy.

“Well--like, two. But they were both absolutely mental.”

You walked into the bathroom and knelt down, digging through the cabinet below the sink for another test. After you took the first you bought another box--two inside. 

You grabbed it and stood, going to shut the door. “Well, I’ll be back.”

“Wait,” he said, shoving his hands in the pocket of his pants. “Can I--uh--come in?”

Lexi’s face twisted. “You wanna watch?”

“Well, how do I know that you’re not pregnant and she’s using your, you know, sample?”

Lexi looked over at you and raised her eyebrows, some type of this is unreal look on her face. 

“Fine,” you said, defeated. “Come over here.”

He stepped into the bathroom beside you and offered an uncomfortable smile, squeezing by you when you shut the door. He sat on the edge of the bathtub and stared at his hands. You pulled down your pants, sat, and then waited. 

He looked up quickly, then back down at the floor. Then back up. “Well--are you gonna go?”

“I need a second,” you said. “I’m not used to peeing in front of strangers.”

“M’not a stranger,” he made a face as if it hurt his feelings. You weren’t about to fight with him--now didn’t seem like a good time to define the relationship. “Here,” he reached up to twist the faucet, a stream of water fell into the sink. 

That helped. You held the stick in place and capped it when you were done, placing it on the sink. You flushed and stood up as if this was all in a day’s work.

“Now we wait?”

You leaned forward to wash your hands. “Doesn’t take long--apparently I’m super pregnant.”

He let out a bit of a laugh at that, a tension breaking chuckle before he picked it up. He pushed out his lips, staring down at it as if it wasn’t as threatening as you’d always felt. 

“Plus sign,” he flipped it towards you, offering you a view. 

You nodded.

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

He was quiet, staring at the plastic in his hands before he put it back down.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “We used a condom.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to--we didn’t mean to. Aren’t you on birth control?”

You nodded. “I was switching to a new one around then--but my doctor said it should be just as effective,” the anxiety grew with each word, the scenarios ran through your head, what you could have done differently, if you should have left right after, cursing yourself for enjoying the sex even though it resulted in this. 

“I don’t know what to do,” you said, wiping at your cheeks to hide the evidence of the tears. You hardly knew him--crying in what suddenly felt like the world’s smallest bathroom didn’t seem like a great get to know you exercise. 

He seemed alarmed by the emotion again, a look of uncertainty crossed his face. “Me neither--I mean, I’m supposed to put out this album and then go on tour and I’ve never--”

A knock on the door, Lexi pushed it open, an inquisitive look on her face. “Everything okay?”

“No,” you both spoke at the same time. 

“Oh good,” Lexi said sarcastically to him, “you’re losing your shit over it too!”

“S’not exactly the best timing, right now, Lexi.” He stepped past you on the white tile, slipping out of the bathroom and making his way for the living room. 

You followed behind him. “It’s not good timing for me either, if you were wondering!”

He turned around quickly. “I know--I didn’t mean it like that, I just--you’ve had a few days to sit with this, right? M’just finding out now so excuse the panic.”

You took a breath, watched as he paced on the carpet and ran a hand through his hair. He stopped suddenly, looked up to Lexi. 

“Does Glenne know?”

She looked over to you, your call, Harry did the same. 

“Great--so Jeff knows! Is that why he hasn’t returned my phone calls?”

“Jeff doesn’t know,” you said quickly. “She promised not to tell him until I talked to you.”

“And you believed her?! She can have quite the mouth, for fuck’s sake!”

“She didn’t say anything, relax,” Lexi tried to settle him, her voice more collected than yours had been all week. “I talked to her a while ago. She’s freaking out, too.”

He flopped down on the couch, a big sigh before he looked up at you again. “Are you--do you want to keep it?”

“I don’t know.”

He nodded, almost like he expected the answer. 

“I wanted to talk to you first.”

He nodded again, eyes still wide. “Okay.”

“Can you just breathe, with me, for a second?” You moved to sit beside him, body angled towards his so he could watch you. In and out, in and out. 

It already felt like you were ruining his life, the last thing you needed was for him to have a heart attack on your sofa. 

He settled a bit at that, another nod to reassure you that he was getting enough air. “Sorry--I just, this is big.”

“I know,” you said. “For me too.”

“Yeah.”

Lexi was still stood in the center of the room, watching the scene unfold. When you looked up at her, she tilted her head. “I was gonna order a pizza--are you guys hungry?”

**

When Harry left the house that night he promised he’d see you the next day. Not only did you need your car, but you figured it’d be easier to actually talk some things through after a good night of sleep and some time to think. 

There was a part of you that wondered if he’d actually follow through--show up at your house at 10am like he said he would. Maybe he’d catch the soonest flight back to London and change his number, barring Jeff and Glenne from ever speaking to you again. 

The pizza was a good call on Lexi’s part. It turned out that when he had some food in him, he was remarkably less anxious. See? You’ll be fine. He’s just like a toddler! Lexi teased after he left. 

She sat on your bed with you that night and just listened. First you told her about the way he looked when you first said it, the blinking and the staring and the shuffling of his feet. Then about the car ride and the radio and the way you pretended that you didn’t notice how often he tried to look over at you on the freeway. 

You had no idea where he was at--you had no idea what he was thinking or what type of person he was. He was a stranger, really, someone who sometimes happened to run in the same circle as you and someone who now had a good reason to never want to see you again. 

Lexi said she was glad that he wanted to talk again in the morning, glad that he knew and agreed that it would be best for him to tell Jeff in a few days, once the two of you had more time to talk. 

You were glad, too. 

“I think he’s here,” she peered out the window, the Saturday sun fought its way through early morning fog. 

Your phone started buzzing in your hand--a call, not a text. You answered it. “Hello?”

“Hey--s’me. I’m outside.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll be right out.”

“Don’t be too long,” Lexi said, watching as you reached for the denim jacket on the back of the door. “Are we still watching SNL tonight?”

“Yeah--yeah, we will.”

“Okay,” she seemed to eye you suspiciously. “Call me if he’s being a fucking asshole, okay?”

“Okay.”

She waved you out the door, watched as you climbed inside the dark black car that was parked at the end of the walkway.

“Hi--oh, hi,” the seatbelt seemed to lurch forward on it’s own, making it easier to grab hold of once you sat down. “Glenne’s doesn’t do this.”

“S’the newer model.”

Of course it was.

“Are you hungry? I know you need your car, but I figured we could grab something to eat.”

You nodded, pushing sunglasses down to cover your eyes. “Sure, yeah.”

He accelerated, the car whirred, electric, and he adjusted a few buttons in the front. “Are you feeling alright?”

“What do you mean?”

He stole another sideways glance in your direction. “Like--you’re not nauseous yet, are you?”

“Oh--” you stopped to think about it. “No. But food tastes funny--kind of metallic, almost? I don’t know if that’s related. I’m only four weeks at this point, that’s what the email from Dr. Weston said.”

“Dr. Weston?”

“My OBGYN.”

“Right. When did you see her?”

“Wednesday.”

A left turn out of your neighborhood. You’d caught him up on all of that the night before. The appointment, telling your mom--he listened with wide eyes, pizza in hand. 

“When do you go again?”

“Next week. She said we can talk about options.”

“Oh--should I, maybe, come to that?”

You hadn’t thought about that. It certainly was too early to do an ultrasound, you figured the appointment was a nice way for Dr. Weston to let you know the options for termination, if that’s what you wanted. A shift in your seat, a nervousness when you looked over at him. “If you want, yeah.”

He nodded, quiet for a little as he drove. He was heading for closer to Santa Monica, you didn’t ask where and you figured it didn’t matter. Breakfast sounded nice. 

He eventually turned into a parking lot for a small cafe--one that you heard Jeff mention in the past--with ivy running up the outside trellis that provided some patio shade from the mid-May sun. “The scones here are really good.”

You tried not to laugh. “Scones are probably the worst breakfast pastry.”

“What?” His voice went all high as if you’d said something truly offensive. He pulled out his chair and sat, a casual outfit of athletic shorts and a sweatshirt. Sunglasses--presumably for disguise.

“Yeah,” you said, a bored shrug. “Too dry. Muffins are much better.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he looked over the menu that the hostess had dropped off, took a sip of his water before looking up at you. 

“Look, I want to just tell you I’m sorry for freaking out last night. I know this isn’t easy for you, either.”

You nodded. “It’s not ideal for either of us, I guess.”

He nodded. Fumbled with the straw wrapped between his fingers. “What are your thoughts on--” he paused, seemingly uncomfortable. “Ending it?”

You shrugged, feeling mostly disconnected from whatever bundle of cells had implanted on your uterine lining. “I don’t know--it would probably be easier.”

He watched you, an unreadable look on his face. He rubbed at his lips and nodded. “You don’t have to. That’s a big decision. I just didn’t know what your thoughts were--in general.”

“I don’t really know what they are. What are yours?”

He laughed a little. “I don’t know. I’ve never had to think much about it.”

The waitress appeared, a look of shock when he smiled up at her, the realization spread over her face before she scribbled down your orders. 

Pink on his cheeks when she left. “Sorry.”

You smiled. “I’m surprised you can be in the sunlight without people following you around.”

He rolled his eyes, let out a playful sigh. “Some days are better than others. This spot is typically safe, though.”

The waitress came back quick with coffees--you were sure to not confuse her eagerness to be near him as prompt service. 

“So--who have you told, again?”

“Just Lexi and Glenne. And my mom.”

“No one else?”

“No. Have you told anyone?”

He pushed the tiny boat of coffee creamer towards you. “No. I just went to bed last night and tried to sleep.”

Another wave of guilt. You were sure he had better things to do than stare at the ceiling thinking about abortion or full term or the possibility that something would go wrong.

“They say you’re not supposed to tell people, you know--before it’s too soon.”

“Right, what is it? Three months?”

“Yeah--twelve weeks. That’s when something is likely to happen. But, look--I get it, if you can’t do this. No matter what I end up doing, I won’t be mad if you’re not able to be around.”

The words came out more quickly than you expected, as if saying them would prevent the damage from spreading. Like a bandaid, pulled off quickly, you placed the proposition on the table. 

He made a face at that, looked down, twisted the rings on his fingers and then sighed. “I wouldn’t do that--I don’t want to.”

“Yeah, but, come on. I mean--you’re busy and this doesn’t really align with your lifestyle.”

He quirked an eyebrow, almost challenging you with a smirk. “And what do you know about my lifestyle?”

You picked up a spoon and stirred the coffee in front of you. “Well--I don’t know. I just, I don’t want you to feel like this means you’re, you know, trapped.”

He nodded, thinking. He licked his lips and pushed his mouth to one side. “I appreciate that.”

He asked where you were when you found out. You told him about the tiled floor of the bathroom at work, the way it cooled your hot skin when you were sure you’d pass out. You told him about the second test, the one you’d taken at home with Lexi, and the ice cream cone you had after you went to the doctor. 

He asked where you were from, said he’d never heard of Santa Paula. He told you that he had fun with you that night, said that he thought about calling you after you left, decided he didn’t want to scare you off. 

He drove you back to his house and pointed out the window, showing you a hiking trail nearby that he liked. He laughed when you made a joke--strapping a ten pound baby to your chest would level up any workout.

So you got your car and left, he didn’t hug you goodbye in the driveway and he said he’d call you--right after he figured out what he was going to tell his parents and his manager. You were about to the shut the door of your Honda when he jogged over to the driver’s side window. 

“When was that appointment again? With Dr. Westfield?”

“Weston,” you corrected. “Thursday, 4pm, I think.”

He nodded, his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun. “Okay--I’ll come.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

author’s note: woohooo! alright, well, there’s that!!!! so excited to share the rest with you all! 

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @stylesfics-xx @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila @mell-love @anssu-amry @yelllowgrass @bullseyeskay @littlesoldierelleora @styles217 @rachkon @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @myhat  @rosegoldbel @passionate-dreamerr @grammyforstyles @dontgiveupthedayjob @ursamajor603 @craic-head-horan @heavenspidey @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @blackxxmagicc @winter-soldier-007 @ssllbb @wanderlustiing @jdcharliewhiskey  

[mulletcal]

if walls could talk -- ceo!calum chapter 1

description: calum is the son of a very powerful ceo / owner of a PR firm - they had an agreement that calum could live his life as a young adult until his father retired.  calum didn’t expect his father to retire so soon, nor did he expect to meet a woman who would spill out all of her deepest, darkest secrets all because of some turbulence.

warnings: light mention of sexual situations, other than that nothing much.

word count: 3.4k

a/n: this is something i’ve wanted to post for so long.  i attempted a majority of a rewrite at one point, but here we are! please let me know what you guys think? also huge thank you to @softbabiestan​ and @calum-uncrowned​ for reading / suggesting edits along the way 

------

“This just doesn’t feel like the right time to do this.”

Those words had been said to Charlotte more times than she could count, in both her personal and professional life.  This time, it was the former, but that didn’t make the blow to her confidence any smaller.

Charlotte had been sent to New York in hopes that maybe she could convince this firm to sell to them.  The PR firm that she worked for was the top in the country, but they didn’t get there based solely on the fact that they were an amazing company.  Anytime another PR firm seemed like they were about to overtake them for the top spot, Everyday Joy Communications would make them an offer they’d be stupid to turn down.

“Please, Mr. James, if you’d just look at the graph that we’ve done up for you--” Charlotte started, but she was cut off by the man standing up abruptly. 

“Your company has been trying for over a year now to buy us out, and each time we’ve said no. It’s very clear to us that your company’s morals don’t align with ours, I’m sorry you wasted your time in coming here today.” Straightening out his jacket, Mr. James moved around the table to shake Charlotte’s hand once more, clearly eager for her to leave.

She had gathered her things in silence, but as she turned to leave she heard Mr. James clear his throat. “Miss--” he began, inhaling deeply before continuing, “You may want to tie your jacket around yourself. It appears your skirt ripped.”

Nodding her head, she left the room without so much as a ‘thank you’, the embarrassment crashing over her in a wave.

As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

***

The CEO of Everyday Joy Communications has announced his retirement.

One would think that in the occurrence of a life-changing event, you’d at least get a call beforehand.  But that wasn’t the case for Calum, the article reading as a slap in the face to him.  Calum was supposed to be allowed some warning, something that would allow him to get his life in order before he was set to take over, but no.  Here he was, receiving numerous texts, calls, tweets, and e-mails from those he knew asking what the next steps were, and if Calum was finally going to step forward and ‘actually contribute’.

When his father’s company first started gaining success, Calum had chosen to live in New York, rather than stay in Los Angeles.  He enjoyed the bustle of a busy city, but LA was full of people who wanted what was in your pockets instead of what was in your head.  Opinions didn’t matter unless they were linked to some financial gain, and it never sat right with him.

He was pulled from his thoughts by his phone ringing, his father’s contact info flashing across the screen. “What do you want, Dad?” The words were dripping with false affection, his father’s sigh evident on the other line.

“I wanted to tell you, Calum, I--”

“You seemed to be able to figure out how to pick up the phone now, how come you couldn’t before?”

The silence on the other end was deafening before his father offered another sigh, “You still have a week to catch up on things before you fully take over.  And you know that I’m just a phone call away.”

“Yeah, and what time would be best to call you? In between tee-times, or before you go in for your deep tissue massage.” Calum had come to the conclusion to hang up before his father had a chance to answer.  Buying a plane ticket and facing this head on would be better than working himself up in his loft.

As if sensing his distress, his dog Duke came padding into the kitchen, looking at him quizzically.  It wasn’t often Calum had an angry tone to his voice, and it confused the small dog.  Scooping him up into his arms, he sighed as he pressed a kiss to the side of the dog’s head. “How do you feel about moving to LA buddy?”

---

“Hello?”

“Ash, guess whose ugly mug you’re gonna see a lot more?” The overly excited tone in Calum’s voice was very much not him, and it gave away everything Ashton needed to know in that moment.

“Mm… Gonna take a shot in the dark here and say you?” Ashton spoke with a soft chuckle. Calum could hear the click of his phone, and he was assuming he was either turning his volume up or down - if he had to guess it would be down, because he knew that Calum was frustrated.

“M’sorry there’s no prizes involved, but you’re absolutely right!  I don’t know if you’ve read, but my father is headed into an early retirement, which means-”

Before he could continue, Ashton finished his sentence for him, “- You gotta break out the big boy pants, I know.  Is he expecting you to take over right away?”

Calum let out a sharp exhale from his nose, fingers dragging softly through Duke’s fur as he sat cross-legged on his couch, “I have a week to settle in before I take over fully.  I don’t understand how he thinks a week is enough time to shadow him in the office before I just…  Take over.”

“You did work there in the summers when we were in high school though, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I don’t feel as though it’s quite the same.  Plus, that was eight years ago now. The things have changed at the office - expanded departments, new protocols.” Calum sighed, leaning his head to rest against his couch.  “It’s just a lot.”

“I know, but hopefully your staff will cut you some slack, plus you have the best coffee in the world less than a block away.” Ashton was right, that was a very small benefit - he was sure whenever was something was overwhelming he could sneak away to his friends cafe for a coffee.

The rest of the conversation was uneventful, Ashton trying to take his mind off of his impending flight later that evening.  The conversation went on for longer than Calum had expected though, because his alarm went off to remind him to drop Duke off at the Doggy Daycare he would be staying at as he moved his life away.

“Shit dude, I gotta head out to go take Duke to his lil’ doggy hotel,” Calum joked, ignoring the tugging at his heart strings at the fact that he would have to leave his baby behind for now.

“Okay mate, I’ll see you soon, yeah? Bring Duke by as soon as he gets in from his week away from his dad.” Ashton teased, them finishing saying their goodbyes before hanging up the phone.

***

‘Now boarding flight 32C to Los Angeles, California…’

“Finally,” Charlotte murmured to herself, gathering her carry on and making her way towards her gate.

There had been a three hour delay, and at that point Charlotte was ready to be home, curled up in bed watching shitty rom-coms.

As she stepped onto the flight, the stewardess looked her up and down with a sympathetic smile. “Long day?” She asked, placing her hand on Charlottes’ forearm.  Any other time, the gesture would annoy Charlotte, but she wasn’t one to take out her bad day on others.

“That obvious, huh?” Charlotte deadpanned, shoulders sagging ever so slightly.

“How about an upgrade to first class? No one checked in for that seat, and it’ll be our secret.” 

If angels existed, this woman - Angie - would be one of them.  With a small smile, and a squeeze of the hand on her forearm, Charlotte headed to the seat she had motioned to.

When she got to the seat, she saw a man on the outside of the aisle with his hat pulled low over his eyes. His strong jaw seemed tense, only relaxing as soon as Charlotte let out a soft ‘excuse me’.

Then, strong jaw man was talking, and Charlotte thought it had been to her.  “Do you wanna get drinks, then?” The man had asked.

“Oh, yeah I’ll--”

That was the first time she saw the man’s eyes, deep brown and looking up at her in confusion before motioning to his Bluetooth ear piece.  

What idiot still used those? 

Charlotte’s head ducked in embarrassment until he eventually hung up.  “I’m sorry about that, I thought you were talking to me…” Her words were meek, almost inaudible as she angled her body towards him.

“S’fine, you didn’t see the device.” The more he had spoken, the more Charlotte wanted to hear.  His voice was enticing, the type you knew could command a room if the occasion called for it. She kept thinking of ways to potentially get the man to speak to her again, but she was at a total loss for words.

All was well when the plane actually took off, and Charlotte was content to enjoy the rest of the flight in moderate silence until a violent shake of the plane jolted her eyes open.

 “Oh my God, what was that?” She asked, turning to look at the man beside her whose brows were furrowed in confusion.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. We’re experiencing some slight turbulence. If you could please remain seated with your seatbelts on until the light turns off. Thank you.’

“See, it’s just some turbulence --” he started to say, his calm voice being cut off by her exhaling sharply next to him. “Do you really think he’d tell us if we were about to die, dude?” Charlotte snapped, trying to focus on anything but the fact that they were about to die. 

“I think… I think he’s legally obligated to, no?” The man’s thick brows furrowed further, the tiniest quirk of a smile playing at his full lips.

Charlotte narrowed her eyes at the man, this logical, beautiful man. Another particularly violent rock of the plane had her gripping on to the mans’ arm.

“I can’t die. I’m too young -- I haven’t accomplished anything with my life,” Charlotte breathed, squeezing her eyes shut.  “I mean, I haven’t had kids, I’ve never even been in love. My boyfriend is a joke to human kind. I don’t even know if I have a G-spot…” She definitely regretted the words as they slipped out, her hand tensing even more.

“Excuse me?” There was an almost comical tone to the man’s voice as he cracked a small smile.  As if he couldn’t get more perfect, his teeth had to be straight and white too?

“That’s not important--”

“It seems like something you feel is extremely important to you.” Who was this smug stranger beside her? And why did he find such joy in her discomfort? “My boyfriend -- He… Doesn’t know how to use his mouth. The way he uses his tongue, I told him I liked it. I told him that I’ve never experienced anything like it. Which is true, but it’s a dreadful experience…”

The conversation continued like that, and somehow Charlotte found comfort in telling this complete stranger her secrets. Especially about the meeting she completely messed up earlier in the day, how her skirt had ripped, and how much she hated her co-worker. It wasn’t until she overhead the stewardess speak did she realize that not only was the turbulence finished, but so was the flight itself.

“Why didn’t you tell me we had landed?” Charlotte asked, almost breathless from her constant monologue.

“It seemed like you had a few things you wanted to get off your chest. And let me tell you, I don’t think I know any of my friends as well as I know you, especially not even knowing your name, doll.”

Charlotte was about to tell him, but the man, this stupidly handsome mysterious man was up and out of his seat before she could even open her mouth. 

“Darling, we’ll keep this between us. I don’t need to know your name. Thanks for sharing all your dirty little secrets,” He had said with a wink before leaving the plane completely.

What the fuck did she just do? ---

Monday morning wasn’t any easier for her, memories of the plane ride haunting her thoughts the entirety of Sunday.  Charlotte wasn’t sure she’d be able to maintain her focus when meeting the new CEO if she could barely be attentive enough to brush her damn hair.

It was amusing to overhear the rumours that made their way around about the new CEO, and if Charlotte was having a better morning she likely would have joined in the fun. Sipping her coffee quietly, she glanced over at her friend as she began to speak.

“I heard once that he has a rolodex of prostitutes that he keeps for when he feels in the mood, doesn’t do relationships.” Charlotte rolled her eyes at Rachel’s words as they watched out of the large windows for the man’s arrival. “Holy shit he’s even hotter than people said he was…” 

It wasn’t long before the rest of them ran to their desks, appearing as though they were doing work as the new CEO headed up the elevator. When the elevator doors opened, they seemed to take the air from Charlotte’s lungs with them.

It was him. She saw his profile first, and she could have recognized that jawline from a mile away, or the seemingly ever present pout on his full lips. It was the handsome stranger from the plane, the one who now definitely knew about all the shenanigans that went on around the office when they all thought the person above them wasn’t paying attention. The stranger she spilled all her deepest, darkest secrets to. Their Director of Operations, Beth, came out of her office, a bright smile on her lips as she embraced the man.

 “Calum, the last time I saw you, you were just graduating high school --” she recalled fondly, the smile on the man -- Calum’s face was radiant as she pinched his cheeks. “Alright everyone, listen up. This is our new CEO, Calum Hood. As you know, he is David’s son, and he’ll be working from our offices to ensure everything is running smoothly.  You haven’t let me down before, don’t start now.” The words were said with a sweet smile, but everyone knew you didn’t mess with Beth.

“Thank you, Beth --”

A whisper from behind her did not fall on deaf ears, “His fucking accent though…”

“Keep it in your pants, Rachel,” Charlotte whispered back, her attention going back to the warm brown eyes that had now landed on her.

“-- I may be my father’s son, but I most definitely am not him. This company, at the very least, should have some fun. So if any of you have a suggestion or two on how we can improve, I’ll be in my office all day getting myself sorted.” Calum’s eyes scanned the room, freezing when they landed on Charlotte. Giving her a simple nod, the man’s warm smile was replaced with a tense one before he turned to walk into his office.

***

After seeing her, there was no way for Calum to focus. He’d hate to admit it, but ever since that plane ride he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that girl. The confessions she made to him left him wondering so many things -- at least if she stopped in he could thank her for exposing so many secrets of the office.

Throughout the day, various people stopped in his office to introduce themselves; each woman coming across more desperate than the last.  He supposed he shouldn’t think that when these women were working for him. He’d be stupid, though, to pretend like he didn’t notice each lingering glance they’d give, or each lean forward to try and show off their clevage. 

A soft knock on his door towards the end of the day was the one who held his attention the most -- because it was her. He still didn’t know her name, but seeing her today, he felt a strange pang in his chest that made him want to know it. Calum knew he should have let her tell him on the plane, then maybe in another world if they hadn’t serendipitously worked together he���d be able to find her.

“Mr.Hood?” Her voice was softer than he remembered, but maybe Calum was just thinking of it in the form of terror she had expressed to him the other night.

“Call me Calum, please. And your name?” Calum asked with a quirked eyebrow, a small smile forming on his lips. 

“Charlotte,” she stated with a small smile as well, stepping into his office further. Her outfit was more indicative of her personality than her travel clothes had been -- her blonde hair pulled into space buns with wisps of hair falling into her face, the front of her pastel pink button up tucked into a pair of bright blue floral pants. Pastel pink and blue were not exactly a colour combination Calum would have gone with personally, but it suited her.

Calum realized then that he was checking her out, and by no means in a subtle way. “Uh, sit, please,” he gestured to the chair across his desk, wanting to make her more comfortable.

“I wasn’t sure I even really needed to come in here today, given the circumstances of the other night. But Rachel told me it’d be weird if I didn’t come to introduce myself to our new boss…” Charlotte had begun to ramble, and Calum couldn’t bite back the smile that pulled at his lips, the genuine kind that always made his eyes crinkle at the corners. Something about the smile made Charlotte’s breath catch in her throat, her body almost visibly stilling.

“It probably would have been weird to your co-workers, but if you’re uncomfortable here working directly with me, I can arrange it so you’re transferred to a different office,” Calum’s response was more an HR response than anything, wanting to make her more comfortable. But also maybe, just maybe, Calum was itching to reach up and brush the blonde hairs from her face. Transfer so that she wasn’t directly under him in the business sense, but could be directly beneath him in other ways.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the woman speaking up once more. 

“No, no. It’s not that--” Charlotte started, pulling her lip between her teeth. “I just don’t want it to be weird for you. I did after all tell you a lot about myself.”

“Speaking of a lot -- How’s your boyfriend?” The question was out before Calum could stop himself, the topic itself completely catching Charlotte off guard as she stilled for the second time in a span of 5 minutes.

“He’s uh, good. He works here also, in the IT department. I don’t know if I told you that part.” A blush spread across the woman’s cheeks, and Calum found the whole interaction endearing.

“You didn’t happen to mention that, no.”

“Yeah, you’ll probably meet him as you work your way through meeting the rest of your staff--” Her sentence was topped off with a shaky laugh, brushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

Calum wondered very briefly if she was nervous around him because of the things he knew about her, or because she happened to be as attracted to him as he was to her. It was inflating his own ego, of course, to think the latter. Who said having high hopes were a bad thing though? “Anyways,” Charlotte said, standing up abruptly, “I should go. Getting towards the end of the day, and I promised my roommate we could binge season 2 of Sex Education.”

The irony of that statement was not lost on Calum, what with her exposing rather intimate details about her sex life to him only a couple days prior… And now she was going to go and watch a show called Sex Education? 

“Hold on,” The words sounded choked as they came from Calum’s mouth, likely conveying how desperate he felt to keep the conversation going. “What’s uh -- What’s his name? Your boyfriend, that is. I’d like to be aware of the relationships going on in the office.”

Charlotte grinned then, a mischievous glint in her eyes that had Calum sweating, “While we don’t have time to unpack all the relationship drama going on here, my boyfriend’s name is Gavin… Goodnight Calum, I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, she was gone, as if their whole interaction had been a dream. and Calum was so fucked.

tag list:  @cals-wildflower​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @roseycal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @boyfriend-cal​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @atlcalm​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @wokeupinjapanisabop​ @talkfastdrummer​

[doof-doofblog]

"It Might Be Too Late By Then!"

Friday 5th February 2021

Hello again everyone! I hope you've had a good weekend and are keeping safe! I have a little bit of news to share with you, I'm sure you've all heard this news by now, but with this being an EastEnders blog, I feel I cannot not ignore the news which was announced over the weekend. It's been announced that after a staggering 20 years on the Square, Laila Morse is going to be leaving her role as Mo Slater (Big Mo). I am a little gutted, but it has been known that Mo has come and gone from Walford quite regularly, plus the fact that it's been stated that her role will be left open for her to return in the future - I guess there could always be the hope that she will return one day. Her departure is set to air in the Spring. Will guys miss Big Mo? Will you be hoping she'll return to the soap one day? Its fair to say that she's been one of the main comedic performances on the soap, she's a brilliant character, always up to mischief but her heart has always been in the right place when it comes to looking after her family. I'll be sad to see her go, but I will pray that she will return one day.

Focusing on the soap, Thursday's episode ended on such a cliff hanger, I'm excited to write about Friday's episode. The first thing I'm going to focus on is Ruby. It's clear that she's lying about her pregnancy, but it looks as if she's had enough of Kush living with herself and her husband. Once again she attempts to get intimate with Martin, only for Kush to waltz in and completely ruin her chances of actually getting pregnant. The one thing I have to mention though, that little song that both Kush and Martin sung together about getting a chippy - everyone needs to sing like that when they get a takeaway!! I bloody loved it, a bit of comical bromance that we need! "Fish, chips and mushy peas! - Salt, vinegar? - Yes please!" - simple but very catchy! Haha! I loved it, the highlight of the episode for me! But where Ruby is concerned, it's clear she's wanting Kush out of the house so she can get some very much needed intimacy with Martin. Whilst at the club, Dotty informs her that she's desperate for more shifts as Whitney is pestering her about the bills, instantly it looks as if the cogs are spinning in Ruby's mind as she comes up with a plan, almost manipulating the situation, she suggests that Dotty and Whitney look for someone else to move in to help with paying the bills, to which she just happens to mention that Kush is looking for a place. As much as Dotty is grateful to her boss for helping, Kush is less than impressed, when later he confronts her acknowledging the fact that Ruby has never wanted Kush living with them in the first place, even though he only did to cover Ruby's back - as she was the one who manipulated him again into leaving the Square with Arthur. I think it's fair to say that Ruby is a brilliant manipulator, as once again she uses the lie of her being pregnant and how Martin deserves to be able to enjoy his new child to coax Kush into thinking that she's right and he should move out. I really don't think it's going to be too long until her secrets are revealed, what do you guys think?! 

The second thing I need to talk about is Billy. Oh Billy, Billy, Billy! Is anyone else feeling sorry for the guy? I kind of am, but also feeling that the choices he's making really isn't going to help, it's just going to spiral out of control. After getting jealous of Jay buying his children trainers, Billy seems desperate to make some quick cash, so he can also provide for his children and treat them as much as Jay is. However, he seems to have turned to Vinny, informing him that he's interested in doing some dodgy deals. In this particular episode, we see both Billy and Vinny meeting up and they both make an exchange, drugs for money. Billy reassures Vinny that he knows exactly what he's doing. Later on Billy is seen waiting in the park, only what happened next seemed to really shock me! I don't know about you guys but I was expecting a big tough guy or someone who's vulnerable and desperate to make a quick fix to approach Billy out of the blue - but instead we see a group of young looking teenagers approach. I have to say, I panicked for a minute, thinking would Billy really stoop that low to give young teenagers drugs? I was so shocked, they looked so young! Thankfully, Billy did the right thing, portrayed himself as an under-cover cop and stated that he ever saw them again, he'd nick them! At that moment, I felt like maybe he knew he wouldn't be able to go through with the drug-dealing, especially if it means the clients would be as young as those teenagers! He bins the drugs and eventually approaches Jay, even though he does not offer an olive-branch, he simply states that he wants to continue working on the stall. Which is pretty bold of him I think. However, something inside me is thinking, is Billy going to get in huge trouble now for throwing away drugs? Is his actions going to cause him some kind of consequences and is he going to be in debt to Vinny now, or Vinny's "Mate"? Who knows?

The next thing I need to talk about has to be Gray!!!! How on Earth is still being able to hide his secret that he might've actually in fact killed Tina?! I think it's fair to say that during this episode, he's clearly been backed into a corner and he's having to think on his feet. He's been confronted by Phil, Sharon, Mick and Linda and being asked some very awkward questions about Tina - Where did she go? What did she say? When did he last see or speak to her? He's obviously trying to cover his tracks as best he can. Eventually he seems to be able to convince everyone in the room that he simply has no idea where Tina has gone, only that she left her at an airport. However he does seem to mention Spain and Italy, and Mick is instantly suspicious as he claims she doesn't know anyone in those countries, so why would she go there?! It looks almost as if Gray is struggling to keep his story together. However, later on in the episode, as he's informing Whitney about his quick meeting with Phil, young Mack finds a plane ticket which just so happens to be in Tina's name. Whitney confronts Gray with the document, once again Gray's face is a picture, in fairness it's another piece of evidence which could be used against him if Tina was to ever be found. He comes up with a ludicrous story that Tina actually doesn't want to be found!! Claiming that he can't tell that specifically to Mick and Linda as it would break their hearts, and that Tina felt so lost and unwanted that she felt it was in her best interest to leave and not tell anyone where she was going, even trying to make Whitney understand, stating that she too has also been in that situation, after what she went through with Leo. I have to say, even this is a bogus explanation, he tells it very well to which Whitney is convinced he's telling the truth, speculating that Tina must've felt safe putting her trust in Gray. Later, when Gray is alone in his household, he takes it upon himself to burn the plane ticket, obviously in an attempt to hide his involvement in Tina's disappearance! Ooooo if only people on the Square knew what Gray was capable of!! If only they'd knew about Chantelle, none of this to Tina would be happening. I said this before, but I am SO excited for when Gray gets his comeuppance and his secrets will be discovered, it's going to be so explosive, I can feel it! 

The final thing I need to talk about obviously, is the fact that Denise has gone missing! As Jack and Chelsea come to the realisation that Lucas has potentially kidnapped Denise for a second time, Jack is frantic in trying to find her. Unfortunately, as he's too close to the individual who has gone missing and also to the alleged perpetrator, the police can't allow him to get onto the case of searching for Denise. Jack is desperate to get involved, eager to make calls and make sure the police are doing all they can to find her. Chelsea is visibly shaken, it's understandable that she's feeling she's to blame, Jack is absolutely furious and actually does blame her for bringing Lucas back to the Square. If Chelsea hadn't returned with Lucas, this probably would've have happened to Denise. Eager to try and reach out to her Dad, Chelsea calls Lucas, pleading to bring her Mum home. But this is where things get really interesting, lurking in the shadows as he slowly approaches the Square and notices the police outside his apartment, Lucas lurks behind the wall as he watches the scene in front of him. Does he look confused? Scared? I'm not so sure, it's difficult to tell how he's possibly feeling, he takes his phone out and listens to Chelsea's voicemail. Suddenly as he begins to walk away, both Jack and Callum spot him, which leads to an exciting foot chase! Jack is desperate to get some answers, as he catches up with Lucas he grabs him and leads him to the Arches when he and Callum can ask him questions privately. Jack is adamant that Lucas is behind Denise's disappearance, but interestingly Lucas claims he has no idea what he's talking about. He claims that they did have an argument but before anything horrendous could happen, he left the apartment to cool himself down and get some air. He still claims that he's a changed man and is trying to stay off the dark path he once lived. As I'm watching this scene, as much as Lucas is denying having anything to do with Denise going missing, my mind begins to wonder - It's still not easy to tell whether Lucas is a changed man or not, he could be telling the truth? Does he really have no idea where Denise has gone? Could he have ran from Jack and Callum just out of fear? Could he have really left the apartment and left Denise alone in the room? Is there someone else who's actually after Lucas and has taken Denise hostage to get back at him? There are all so many different theories. I feel, because EastEnders have already done the storyline where Lucas kidnapped Denise, it would be kind of pointless, and maybe weird to do that again?! As Jack and Callum are arguing amongst themselves on how to question him, Lucas makes a sneaky escape, much to Jack's frustration. 

The final scene we saw of this episode, Denise is sat on her own in a cold dark room, almost looks like an old office which has been cleared out. Suddenly the door opens ever so slightly and all we can see is a hooded figure looking inside at her. Poor Denise looks at them in absolute fear. Who is this figure? Another theory I'm thinking of - could Lucas have lied about his son passing away, could this be Jordan? Is he also out for revenge on his Father?! Or has Lucas absolutely duped everyone and could he be up to his old tricks? I find this very interesting and very exciting! I'm looking forward to watching more and having Denise's captures revealed. What do you think folks? Overall a brilliant episode, manipulation, excitement and drama! Brilliant! Thank you all for reading, I apologise for this post being a bit late! I'll be back again tomorrow following Monday's episode. Thank you again everyone, enjoy the rest of your day! Love you all xXx

[hannahharrington]

CRYING IN EUROPE (postcards from italy)

I struggled with whether or not to post this; I still am, honestly, because it is very raw in every sense. This is something I wrote a year-minus-two-weeks-ago, holed up in an AirBNB in Rome, about losing my good friend Jaymee and the bizarreness of having the best and worst time of your life simultaneously. I did not look at it ever again until a few days ago. It wasn’t written to share with anyone, only because I needed to put thoughts down at the time. Any editing has been very minimal.

The last section I wrote yesterday.  

CRYING IN EUROPE (postcards from italy)

1. The first time is on the first day. I land at Heathrow only to find out the express train isn’t running because of the snowstorm and the tube is beyond fucked. I nearly cry out of frustration and jet lag exhaustion but I don’t. I end up emerging from Shepherd’s Bush Market half a mile from the hotel and have to drag my suitcase through blustery snow that whips me so hard in the face it makes tears leak out of the corners of my eyes.

2. The second time is the next morning, five minutes after I first find out you’re dead. I guess the first five minutes are a mix of me just having woken up, an hour before my alarm, still on New York time as I scroll idly through my phone messages only to see it blowing up with the news; and maybe shock can be used as an excuse, even though we all knew it was coming.

3. Over the Hilton London Kensington breakfast buffet for Hilton Honors Members. I’m telling Barry how I was supposed to see you before it happened. My voice cracks and eyes overflow with tears, and I’m apologizing and Barry is being so kind about it even though I can tell he’s not really sure what to do or say, which is okay because I don’t know either. It occurs to me later that in all the years we’ve known each other, this is the first time I’ve ever cried in front of him.

You said you were terminal, and released to home hospice care, and I told you I would fly to California if you wanted and read you mean celebrity blog comment sections, like how I did for you when you visited me in Brooklyn (I’ll never forget how we laughed until we cried like middle schoolers at a sleepover). I followed your lead in trying to blunt reality with a joke because that’s what you always did. The last thing you posted on any social media was a repost of our Facebook “Friendaversary”, saying how you were due for another one of my dramatic readings. I was going to buy a plane ticket when I got back from this trip. I was supposed to be there.

4. The first cigarette I smoke.

5. And the second, all while thinking about how terrible a person I am for smoking because you hated it and hated having cancer and hated that I would do something that could make me sick. You wanted me to stop, and if this were a movie I’d quit on the spot. But it isn’t and so instead I stand chain-smoking and hating myself.

6. In the shower.

7. We go see the Hamilton matinee hours after we find out, and it’s the cruelest twist of fate, experiencing this thing you loved so deeply and brought into my life and that we shared together. You’re the reason I saw it with everyone else at the matinee Obama attended. I lost the lottery, the lone one of all of us without a way in, and I was feeling a little sorry for myself and about to leave. I went to say goodbye to you, and immediately you pulled your Jaymee magic and got me a ticket at the literal last minute. And it really did feel like magic.

When you first saw it at the Public, I tried the lottery and lost, and I joked for you to go on without me, to die a million happy deaths. You said if I were being mugged and you were the only one who could save me, you’d still make me wait until after the show. I know if I skipped it you’d literally come back to life and kick my ass. But that doesn’t seem like a bad deal. I’d never see Hamilton again, I’d burn all of my playbills, even the one from the off-Broadway run I got signed by the original cast at the stage door. I’d tear the donut bag in half, the one we joked about being good luck, the one I had Lin-Manuel Miranda autograph. I’d do all of that if it gave me five more minutes with you.

I keep my shit together more or less until the second act. When Hamilton pleads to Washington with Why do we have to say goodbye?, I start crying and don’t stop until curtain call.

8. Right before I left on this trip, I threw together a playlist for my phone. The last song I added was Eva Cassidy’s cover of “Fields of Gold”, thinking it’d be pretty background soundtrack for train rides through lush, rolling Italian countryside. A year ago I went down one of my weird little Internet research rabbit holes and read all about Eva, her melanoma, how she died and her last performance, and wondered why there hadn’t been a movie made about that particular beautiful tragedy. After Hamilton I tell Barry I feel better, like it was an emotional release, but then the next afternoon we go to a pastry café and they play a jazz standard cover of “Fields of Gold” over the speakers and my chest seizes.

9. Friday night we’re supposed to meet up with Jen for dinner before she flies back to Philly. I’m sick to my stomach in the cab ride over to her hotel, and when we get to her room I drop my purse and hug her and don’t let go. That thing happens where I’m trying not to cry and it makes me cry harder and I can feel Jen crying too. We sit and Jen and Danielle talk about their travels and the whole time I feel on the verge of throwing up. Finally I say we need to talk about you, about what we’re going to do. Jen says June told her sometimes in Filipino culture they ask for donations for the family instead of flowers, so she’s not sure what’s preferred. I don’t know why I was expecting Jen to have more information, something to make me feel better, but nothing she tells me does. I take one of the Ativans my mom gave me for the plane ride because I can’t calm down. You said they gave you Ativan at the end. You said it helped. It helps me too.

I excuse myself from their room and get lost in the dimly lit maze of their hotel, until finally I find a side exit to the courtyard, and I light a cigarette and text my mom, who happens to be around. I try calling, but this stupid SIM card I got won’t let me connect to the US, so I wait until I’m back at the hotel and Barry is out at his show. The instructions to dial out don’t tell me the overseas rates, but I call my mom anyway, and spend twenty minutes on the phone with her sobbing like a child.

When we check out of the hotel, I’ll find out the call cost me over a hundred pounds, which probably with the obscene exchange rates approximates to three hundred dollars. I rationalize that’s what I would have paid out of pocket for an emergency therapy session anyway.

10. I find your aunt on Facebook and ask her what the family wants done. An hour later she messages me back to say flowers would be lovely. Your mother is beside herself with grief, she says. You were her best friend, she says.

It feels better to be doing something, to feel productive, so I make it my mission to organize the flowers for your memorial. The whole next day between sightseeing at Kensington Palace I’m looking up florists in San Mateo, figuring out who wants to contribute, making sure everyone is included. Bridget agrees to place the order. It’s midnight my time when I run downstairs for a smoke. Bridget and I are trading texts, trying to figure out what to write on the card. I’m not a writer, she says. You should do it, she says. I start crying because I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. When I go to head back into the hotel, a British girl with blue hair sees me wiping at my eyes. She calls me love and asks if I’m okay. I’ve been in New York too long; my own public meltdowns don’t even embarrass me anymore. I’ve forgotten that the rest of the world doesn’t politely ignore you when you’re losing your shit on the sidewalk. I know how I must look, crying messily in my pajamas, walking around like an open wound just bleeding over everything.

I try to stop the tears long enough to assure her I’m fine, really, and when I stumble out the words that a friend of mine just passed away, she grabs me in a hug before the words finish getting out. She’s so nice that it makes me cry even more and I let her convince me to take the free cigarette she offers. She tells me she’s here with her gay husband and I joke through tears that I’m here with mine too. We stand and talk about Camden Market and the magic of New York at Christmastime, and when she’s satisfied I’m not a suicide risk she adds me as a friend on Facebook.

11. Things feel different in Venice. I start to feel like maybe I’ve hit the bottom of this, it’s only up from here, and even as I’m thinking it I know it’s delusional. I had the same feeling when my dad died, and I learned then that grief is not linear. There can be moments where it’s all temporarily bearable, only for a fresh wave of pain to knock you flat on your ass a minute later.

But for most of Venice I feel lighter, like the darkest clouds of the storm have passed. We get lost in the labyrinth of alleyways and eventually I duck into a Murano glass shop. Back in January when I went to Fort Myers, I took an Uber from the airport, and for the first time ever I had a woman driver. During the drive to the beach somehow the subject of this trip came up. I mentioned I’d be in Venice, and she told me how her day job was at an art gallery. They made jewelry from Murano glass, a Venetian technique. She made me promise to seek it out when I went.

The shop has all kinds of figurines, and in the back corner I discover these thimble-sized cows. Cows were your thing. Not just thing—borderline obsession. I still don’t know what it is about them you loved so much, but you did. When I was in Amsterdam I passed by an actual Cow Museum, snapped a photo of the storefront and sent it to you. You couldn’t believe I didn’t go inside. Now I’m here in Venice, looking at these little cows and thinking of you, and of course I have to get them. I scoop four of them into my palm and go to the cashier and whatever part of my heart that’s been healing over gets ripped open raw again. My throat burns too much for me to manage anything more than a cursory grazie as I watch him bundle them delicately in bubble wrap. It almost feels selfish to hurt this much, when there are people in this world who loved you longer and harder and better than I did. But I do.

12. In Florence Barry and I split up for the day. He runs off to the Duomo while I visit the Ambrogio market, the one the owner of our B&B tells me is for locals. I pick up random ingredients for my mother, whose burgeoning interest in the culinary arts still baffles me considering I subsisted on almost nothing but microwave dinners as a child, and two sweaters for myself. 

I’m back at our apartment-sized suite, arranging the packaged pasta and sun-dried tomatoes on the wooden table for an Instagram photo when I click some random button that takes me to my inbox.

There’s only one message in there and I realize it’s from you, from over two years ago. I click to see it’s a video taken in Marie’s Crisis. Some pitch perfect soprano sings bars from an unrecognizable show tune at the piano, and then you turn the camera to yourself, bobbing your head along with a coy smile. I can’t believe it. I click out accidentally and have to Google for instructions on how to find it again. The video is only fifteen seconds but I watch it ten times in a row and then put my head down on the table and cry until it hurts.

13. Bucket list items have a greater sense of urgency now than they used to. At the last minute I find a woman who agrees to take me to a horse farm in Tuscany. She meets me at the Piazza Cavalleggeri behind one of Florence’s countless gorgeous ancient basilicas and takes me to meet her business partner so he can drive. He’s an old guy who speaks zero English, and it becomes evident when he climbs into the driver’s seat that he has Tourette’s. Every ten seconds his tic makes him jerk the steering wheel so the whole car swerves. We lurch our way up narrow roads that wind up huge hills, endless greenery on all sides, the woman chattering happily about vineyards and olive trees as I brace myself in the backseat, positive the guy is going to tic us right into oncoming traffic and certain death. It rains on the way there, and the woman worries it’ll be too wet to ride, but sure enough we arrive and the sky clears up just long enough for me and two other American girls to go for an hour-long trek. It’s been ten years since I’ve been on a horse, and I’m nervous about it, but the second I’m in the saddle everything comes back to me. We ride through steep hills, surrounded by the kind of scenery that’s beyond picturesque. It’s so gorgeous it doesn’t look real, like an oil painting. For the first time in days I feel a weightless kind of happiness. I know as it’s happening that this is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

When the woman drops me back off in Florence, I trip over myself thanking her profusely, holding back tears because I don’t want to explain that that was maybe the most beautiful experience of my life and I’m so grateful that for three hours the Jaymee is dead, Jaymee is dead, Jaymee is dead track stopped spinning in my head.

14. Rome is a welcome change of pace. I like big, bustling, metropolitan cities; they make me feel comfortable. Safe. Even just through glimpses out the taxi window I can see Rome is bursting at the seams, vibrant and colorful and a startling clash of ancient and modern. Our driver asks where we’re from and I say New York. He laughs and tells us he doesn’t like America, but he likes New York.

On a tour of the Vatican museums, our guide shares all the juicy stories of how Raphael and Michelangelo loathed each other, and the illicit love between Antinous and Hadrian, and we marvel at the frescos on every wall and the breathtaking scope of the Sistine Chapel and the inside of St. Peter’s basilica.

I was skeptical as I always am of anything to do with organized religion, but you liked the new Pope. You thought he was progressive, refreshing. You’d joke all the time about your “Jesus problems”, how you struggled to reconcile your Catholicism with your personal politics.

Afterward Barry scurries off to scale the bell tower. I ask our guide if there’s anywhere in the basilica to light candles, like how you can do in St. Patrick’s. She tells me it’s not allowed—it’s too much of a hazard, especially after a crazy man declared himself the second coming of Jesus and attacked Michelangelo’s Pietà with a hammer, chipping off fifteen pieces in the mayhem, including Mary’s nose.

Instead of waiting for Barry outside in the square I retreat back into St. Peter’s, to the closed off chapel. The guard asks me if I will be praying. It forces me to confront what I’m really planning to do, and after a heartbeat of hesitation I stutter out a yes, slip through the parted curtains to the pews. I’ve never prayed in my life; I have no idea how to do it. I look to see how others around me kneel and try to imitate the stance, hands folded in front of me, knees against the padded rest. It all feels clumsy and awkward until suddenly it doesn’t. Suddenly I’m just crying. I watch my thick tears plop onto concrete and absently wonder how many people before me have spilled salt on these floors. Probably a lot.

I don’t know how to pray. In my head I’m just screaming please forgive me, and I don’t know if I’m saying it to God or to you. I guess I know now what Catholic guilt feels like.

I should’ve been there. I should’ve brought Schmackary’s cookies and the good luck donut bag and flown out to California and seen you. Why didn’t you tell me how bad it was? Why did you have to make your yes a joke? (A quip about doctor’s orders, it comes as no surprise you embraced the gallows humor.) Why couldn’t you be earnest? Why couldn’t just say I need you right now, I don’t have much time, please be here? Did you even know? Because I swear I didn’t. I thought I could wait. I thought you had more time. None of it fucking matters because I can’t forgive myself, not ever.

…And that’s it. That’s where I stopped writing. I didn’t cry on European soil again after that. Not because the last cry was cathartic or healing; it wasn’t. The healing would come later, long after my plane touched down again in New York. It happened in ways I can’t explain, slowly, until one day the thought of you didn’t automatically bring me to the brink of tears or knock the wind from me like a sucker punch to the gut, where the tenderness of loving memory ran parallel with the heartbreak rather than being subsumed by it. Eventually the day came where I could think of you and how you were and what we shared, not only of the ways I failed you. A year later and I still think of those too, sometimes. And there are still tears, sometimes.

I feel like I always had this idea that you go through The Worst Thing and life just evens out after that. My Worst Thing happened when I was in my teenage years and I was supposed to be in the clear afterwards. But life doesn’t work that way. There’s no plateau, no neat ever after. And every so often we break in ways where yes, you can scrape the pieces together and carry on, but you’re never made whole again. You’re never the person you used to be. You become a new version of yourself, mismatched and full of jagged lines, and you find a way to forge ahead.

In the immediate soul-crushing wake of the 2016 election, someone created a Subway Therapy project in the tunnel of the 14th Avenue station that stretches from Sixth to Seventh. I went to see it then, a modern day marvel: the long tiled wall papered with thousands of bright post-its, each full of encouragement and commiseration from fellow grief-sick New Yorkers. The sight was a life preserver in the sea of misery I’d floated in that entire week. I was not alone in the feeling, however singularly devastating it felt.

Countless others have been here. I am not the only one to have shed my tears on ancient chapel floors, unable to imagine I would ever feel okay again. Experts painstakingly restored the Pietà after the attack, but if you were to find your way behind the bulletproof glass and touch the Virgin Mary’s cheek, you would still feel hairline traces of their work, a difference of texture; if you were to peer close enough, you would see the faint lines on marble that belie its pristine repair. It was broken once. It could not be remade exactly as it was. It’s no less a masterpiece.

That day in the 14th Street station, I peeled off a blank post-it and wrote out an Abraham Lincoln quote I’d read once: Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better… And yet this is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again.

Time buffers out the rough edges. It is the only thing that does.

[supercasey]

Why I don't make many friends over the internet anymore

Alright, so, I know I've vagued about this a lot. I know I've been leaving y'all in the dark, and I'm sorry for that. I thought I could hold this all in until it went away, but she isn't going away, and I don't want to be angry anymore; I just want to move on and get better.

So yeah... This is why I don't try to make friends online anymore. This is why I don't talk online much at all. This is what happened. Take it as you will, all I ask is that you understand that I'm at my limit with this person, and I ask that you please don't harass her once you realize all that went down (if you even figure out who she is. She's sorta... infamous in the RvB fandom, and not in a good way). I just want her to leave me alone, and starting a fight won't solve this mess.

It started with a bad fanfic that I wrote.

...

I will not say the name, but I wrote it for RvB and it was... a vent story. On my alternate account. About... gross shit. I double guessed posting it at all but I was determined to vent about my fucking issues, and this seemed like the best way to do so. And, surprise surprise... It's my most well received RvB fic, and I'm not even taking full credit for it.

To make it simple, it's about age regression. No, it is not sexualized. No, I don't get off on it. Yes... I age-slide. I hate it. It hasn't happened in a bit here, but I still hate it, so I made a fic where the characters are forcibly made to age-slide and it's written out as the psychological horror that it's meant to be. Except... there was always this one Anon, the one consistently rooting for the villains. Even when the heroes were rescued, they begged for more time with the heroes kidnapped and abused. They loved their "pwecious wittle babies UwU" and wanted nothing more but for the torture to continue.

I... humored them. I joked and bantered, but nothing was done. I never undid the rescue, and while the characters were still very much suffering from the results of their kidnapping, they were actively recovering, and I loved it. The small crowd of regulars I had following my story were pleased, and always willing to give me support. I felt validated. I felt good knowing that I was able to expose age-sliding in a way that wasn't grossly sexualized or enjoyed. While the characters were happy at times, it was a naive happiness, and it was made clear that what was happening wasn't safe or okay.

A few months pass without an update. I've grown a bit tired of the story, still plagued by self doubtful fears of my work being perceived as some sexual bastardization of a story. Then, one day, I get a message on Tumblr. I don't recognize the username but... they found me out. They knew it was me writing the story (to be fair my style kinda stands out in the fandom, not to mention that I'm bad at lying) and they wanted to talk about it. I was, of course, fucking terrified. But, to my utter surprise... they liked it. And they wanted to discuss my thoughts on it!

I was estatic! Finally, someone who understood! Someone who I could talk to about this horror story that means so much to me! However, it soon became clear that we interpreted the story... very differently. Where I used it as a means of venting and exposing the trauma of unwillingly regressing at a moment's notice, my newfound "friend" loved the "baby fantasy" and wanted to "adopt" the main characters, especially the boy.

I kinda just... enabled it. No, I encouraged it. I was so desperate for a friend, I actively wrote little things for her where the age-sliding was more consensual/enjoyable, all while wishing for it to go back to being an insight on abuse. But it never was about that; it was about fulfilling her needs and making a baby doll for her to fantasize about.

Before long, we had been chitchatting back and forth for a few months, and eventually over a year. I was happy, or at least, I convinced myself that I was. I struggled to respond regularly so it wasn't that bad, right? I wasn't always around her so I couldn't be that upset, right? Time passes, I idly mention having an online friend to my family and they, the loving family that they are, support me. They're amazed that the loner of the family has finally made an actual online friend.

Suddenly, talk of meeting face to face becomes commonplace. She's in Washington and I'm in Michigan, so I figure it's never gonna happen. I'm wrong. The year is 2018, and February's just hit. Talk of RTX has started, and I, a shy little RvB fan with hardly any money, know I'm not going. But my friend is. She's excited, already telling me about her plans, when she suddenly asks if I'm going.

I of course say no. I mean, come on, I'm not even close to rich enough to pay for a whole trip across the US. But my friend is... insistent. I make if clear that I can't afford it, and out of the blue, she offers to take me. No strings attached, no payment on my part (except of course for merch), just bring... me.

I'm of course floored. RTX? Really? My siblings and I have always wanted to go, ever since we started with AH videos. But here it is, right in front of me. An opportunity to go to the biggest convention I've ever heard of, and she... really wasn't taking no for an answer. I tell her that I'll think about it, that I need time to figure it out. She assures me that it's fine, take all the time I need. I tell my family about the offer, about how I've known her for over a year and trust her (I don't, but I'm too afraid to admit it). Mom's scared, but at the promise of a video call with my friend, she chills out. Dad's supportive, but also a bit worried. My siblings are over the moon, excited for me and raring to someday go as well.

It's obvious, right? Now I have to go. After all, my friend HAS to have someone go with her, and no one else she knows wants to go. After all, my siblings have always wanted to go, and it would be shitty to say no when they'd say yes in a heartbeat. After all, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and really, who wouldn't?

I say yes. I save all the money I can, my dad video chats her, and then... I'm off. I fly to Texas (I insisted on buying my own plane ticket). Up to that point I had never left my family before, not for over forty-eight hours, and yet here I was, leaving for over a week. My therapist, my parents, and my siblings were all cheering for me to go, to get out of my comfort zone and do the thing I never should've been able to do.

I didn't have the heart to tell them that I was scared I wouldn't come home alive.

I land in Austin, Texas the day before RTX begins. I meet her in the airport. I'd already seen her face before, so I wasn't exactly surprised, but I felt safer seeing she was a bit heavier. I could outrun her, if need be. I could get away, if she tried to take me. Unless I was in headspace. Unless I was a little fucking baby. Unless I was sliding and woke up on a one way trip to Washington-

I shook my head. No, I thought. No, I'll be okay. Stop being paranoid, Ted, it's all in your fucking head. Again. Paranoid motherfucker.

We got to our hotel room, and after a long day of walking around and exploring Austin, we called it an early night, eager for tomorrow's adventures.

It was fun, at least at first. She got me a platinum badge, so we got a garanteed spot everywhere we went. There was a cool-ass rec room for platinum badge wearers where we could chill in-between events. I stuck close to her, as she's been to RTX a thousand times over, and I felt like it was going to be okay. That night, I streamed all of Nomad of Nowhere, and intended on going to the panel the next day. Unfortunately, things took a... bad turn.

You see, my friend had enemies. People she believes are "heartless abusers who are evil and cannot be trusted", especially not near me. Well, I'm a dumbass, and I can't keep track of everyone in her fucking burn book (too many names to count). Cue a mutual from Tumblr contacting me, wishing to finally meet me in person (I made a post about being at RTX and they saw it). I, of course, agreed.

Later, I nonchalantly mention that I'm going to meet up with a mutual at the RvB panel. She asks who it is. Still unaware of the shift in my friend's mood, I casually say the username. She goes white.

"I'm sorry, did you say [INSERT NAME]?"

"Uh... Yeah? Is that... bad?"

Holy. Fucking. Shit. She loses it, sobbing like I shot her dog. Empathetic little bastard that I am, I also begin to cry, begging to know what's wrong. Cue a lot of "How could you!?"s Followed by me desperately apologizing, still completely in the dark.

Apparently, my mutual? Her worst enemy. Number one. They who must not be named. And me, a dumbass with PTSD induced memory issues, did not remember the one time she mentioned them. So now I'm fucked, in-between a sobbing friend and a promise to meet a mutual. I've gotta fix this, and fast. I was scared, and in a panic, I promised her that, no, I'm not meeting to "be their friend". I'm just... seeing what they look like! So I can protect my REAL friend!

This all felt very dramatic, and honestly a tad juvenile. Here we were, me just shy of twenty, and her over twenty-one. I felt like I was in second grade, promising not to be friends with anyone else on the playground. Hell, I was still in the dark as to what this person had fucking DONE.

Later, we meet. My mutual is, unsurprisingly, incredibly nice and sweet. We compliment each other's writing in the back of the room after the panel, all while I know my friend is watching from afar, glaring at us. I make it quick, too scared to get in trouble, and then it's over. I felt like such an asshole, blowing my mutual off, but I was afraid of the lion a few feet away, ready to pounce and maim me.

Afterwards, I was grilled about our talk. What'd we talk about? What did they say? Was that laughing she heard? Were we laughing at her? *Gasp* Am I turning on her!? Oh, she knew it, she knew it! I'm an ABUSER! Another monster!

This, of course, gets me crying. I'm empathetic as all hell and as a result I'm unfortunately prone to taking on other's emotions. She knows this. We get out of there, but the tension is high. She has a panel only she's interested in, so I stay alone in the hotel room.

Again, I made the most of it. I binged all of Nomad of Nowhere for the first time, and it was enough to calm me down. Delighted, I discovered that the panel for NoN would be the next day, around noon. When my friend returned, I was quick to fill her in, begging if we could go. She smiled, and promised we would. I fell asleep quickly that night, momentarily forgetting the drama for a bit.

The next morning, my friend's dead quiet. I ask if she's alright, and I'm repeatedly assured that she's fine. We reach the convention center around 8AM, and agree to meet up at 11 so we can catch the NoN panel together. I run off to wander and explore, and my friend goes off on her own for awhile.

For two hours, I'm chill. Everything's super. I talk to cosplayers and I listen to my music, and at around 10AM... I get a worrying text from my friend. I'm not going to post screenshots (because they're out of context/confusing/taking screenshots for a call out makes me feel shitty) but it started as her repeatedly saying how her enemy was "ruining the con for her" and how she was crying. I immediately start looking for her, but I have no idea where she is. Just as I'm getting ready to check the hotel, she sends me this:

"I'm writing down a statement!" ((Reporting my mutual))

I panic. I'm fuckin' bolting through the con, looking for the help desk. I'm crying, I'm shaking, I'm scared I'm gonna pass out. Thankfully, I find a guardian. She leads me to the help desk and there my friend is, crying her eyes out while filling out a form to report her enemy for... existing. And being "mean" to her on Tumblr. Yeah.

I was still kinda having a panic attack when this occurred, so it's kinda blurry at bits. I remember sitting on the floor next to her (there weren't a lot of chairs and I didn't want to be rude and ask for one) and rubbing her back. I gave her my extra Arizona green tea because it was still cold and had honey in it.

The guardians praised me, saying I was a great friend. I felt like the scum of the earth.

Awhile passed. She filled out her form, and after the guardians checked over her "screenshot evidence", they told her there was nothing they could- or should- do. They chilled her out and told her it was HER con, and to not let some bully get in the way of it. Tearfully, I apologized over and over again. They just smiled and assured me that it was fine. It wasn't.

We almost missed the NoN panel. Almost. I wonder, sometimes, if that was intentional.

I should mention now, while I have the chance, that I was keeping contact with my older brother through all of this. When I was sitting on the floor panicking, I texted my brother for advice. He offered to talk to my friend about this (I knew exactly how that would go, considering how my friend was), and I just... cried. Cried and begged him not to make my friend mad. He didn't, but I could tell he was willing (and wanting) to tell her off.

The rest of the convention went... bumpy. There were a few more meltdowns, but overall, I survived. We went to the airport early (because I was afraid) because there was nothing to do, and after she left to wait for her flight... I felt safe again. I breathed in. I breathed out. If I cried, all the more reason to leave early.

Back home, life returned to normal. My older brother was worried about me, but I blew him off in favor of trying to be like him and have a successful online friendship. I was not backing down. People are sensitive sometimes, right? It doesn't matter that her reasons for hating my mutual are inaccurate and fake. I'm her friend. It doesn't matter that she scares me. She took me to RTX. It doesn't matter that I'd rather die than keep talking to her when all she does is make me afraid. I owe her. She's been nothing but kind. I'm just a selfish, greedy little bastard that needs to be grateful and stop questioning this.

It gets worse. Now she wants to know everything about me. She wants to hear every detail of my trauma, every moment of fear or weakness. I tell her I'm scared, and not ready.

"Just a little, sweetie. Just tell me a bit. How am I supposed to be your friend if I don't know what's damaged you? How am I supposed to have you if you keep running to your big brother?"

So... I told her everything. I tried to keep it small, but lord knows I'm an oversharing mess. The minute I start, I can't stop. She knows that. A few hours and it's all typed out; my heart, my soul, my damaged bastard of a body. She says she loves me. She says she'll take care of me forever. I tell her I need a break, and for over two weeks I'm mentally fucked, drifting in and out of headspace, struggling to coexist with my dug up trauma. I'm drowning. I'm scared.

While all of this occurred, my friend took it too far. When discussions of next year's RTX came up (always from her. I'm never going back there, not with her, maybe never again), she balked at the thought of me bringing my siblings (with them paying for themselves of course).

Mostly, she feared my brother. She caught wind of his suspicions, and immediately began to try and convince me that my brother was Bad, and he was gonna Hurt Her. Didn't I promise to protect her? Didn't I promise to keep her safe? Now's the time, Ted, chop chop! Your best friend needs you!

Except... she was a dumbass to think I'd ever turn on my brother. One night, after all of this; after telling her everything about me, after sharing my deepest traumas, after refusing to turn against my brother... She went off. She began mass texting me, accusing me of abusing her, of being a monster. How could I? How could I be so mean and terrible? That must make me an abuser, and all abusers are the same! Evil!

I was... shocked. And hurt. And crying. I broke down, and finally- fucking finally- I told my brother everything. About the emotional abuse, about the pressure, about the guilt... I must've talked for two hours straight, just flipping out. By the end, I was ready to do what I needed to do, and with my brother's support... I cut ties. I told her I was done.

Three days later (she always texted back right away, so I knew she was giving me time to wonder what she'd do) she responded with a "I think we need a break from each other :/ we're both pretty terrible, huh? :/// Mostly you but whatever bye ://///"

Since then, I've been trying to get better. She still sometimes does things in order to remind me that she's around and stalking my Tumblr (sent a few messages before she abruptly deleted the blog she used to talk to me (still has her main), passive aggressively messaged me for a spell, finally made me lose my cool by harassing my sister, etc) but I'm trying to ignore it.

I know this is a lot... but they're hard lessons to learn, and I'd much rather you all learn them through my stupid actions before you get hurt or cornered: Not everyone online is your friend. Just because they say they love you doesn't mean they love YOU. Trust your fucking gut before you drag your ass onto a plane because someone told you to. And most importantly of all... Not everyone you're told to hate is bad, because guess what? Everytime I've been down, been questioning shit, or just vented, do you know who's almost always responded? The very mutual I was told was evil. And you know what else? I found out every fuckin' thing my ex said about them was a straight up lie; every screenshot was fake/out of context, and every "abusive" word was from my ex, not my mutual.

So yeah... I know better now, Natalie. I hope that if you see this, you actually try and get help. You need to realize that you don't own people, and that you can't force everyone who doesn't adore you to be an antagonist in your story... all you're doing is hurting yourself. I never lied when I said I loved you; I still sorta do, even after what you've done to me. I fucking love you, Natalie, and it's because I love you that I'm getting away from you. Please oh please get yourself actual help, before you make things any worse for yourself.

Sincerely, Ted.

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

Open Your Eyes (Part 3)

Chapter Summary: Everyone heads home for the holidays.  Pairing: Tyler Joseph x OFC, Frank Iero x OFC Word Count: 2020 Warnings: None? A/N: I needed something fun and cute to write with low pressure so that I could stop worrying about a more serious piece I’m working on for a bit. This five-part crossover series was the result! It’s cheesy and fluffy and is probably akin to something you’d see on the Hallmark Channel, but that’s how I intended it to be. Thanks to @razor-tothe-rosary for your help and encouragement! Enjoy reading, everyone!

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Emerson normally hated flying, but today she didn’t mind the airplane ride. She was heading home to Jersey to celebrate Christmas with her family and help her mother execute the perfect wedding. Not only was she reuniting with her family for a less hectic schedule over the next few weeks, but Jeff had agreed to come for Christmas. They had resolved their differences, and he was going to meet her in Jersey after his trip to Orlando.

She stepped off the plane and headed right for baggage claim. There was no reason to dawdle when Jeff should be waiting for her. After two phone calls, though, he didn’t answer.

Emerson told herself not to panic; he was on a business call or waiting to see her, or had forgotten to take his phone from airplane mode. She walked confidently through the crowd until she got to the carousels dealing out suitcases as they were unloaded from the airplanes.

When she had her bags and had moved on to the sidewalk, she still hadn’t spotted Jeff. Sighing, she found her phone and called him again.

“Em, listen, I can’t talk long. I’m in a meeting.”

“A meeting? Jeff, you’re supposed to be in Jersey. Remember? Christmas? With your girlfriend?”

He sighed. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m going to make it. Listen, I just -- maybe this is better. We’ve been fighting and our lives are going different ways. Maybe we need some time apart.”

Emerson choked back tears and swallowed down the lump in her throat. “So you don’t think you’re going to make it, or you knew all along you weren’t going to make it? I mean -- did you even buy a plane ticket?”

Jeff sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve really got to go.”

Emerson held the phone up to her ear for another few seconds, even after the call disconnected. She didn’t know what to do. If she called her mother, Tanya would be upset and dramatic, and Emerson couldn’t handle that right now. Who else was she going to call?

Frank had told her he would be in Jersey for Christmas, too, maybe he was available. She bit her lip, trying to decide if it was too early in their acquaintance for a cry for help. Finally, after a few minutes of looking at her phone and dropping it back into her pocket, she exited out of her Uber app and dialed Frank’s number.

“Emmy,” he greeted, smile evident in his tone. “You back in Jersey?”

She swallowed hard. “Um, yeah, I am. I don’t want to bother you -- if you’re busy, I totally get it. It’s just -- I’m stuck at the airport, and I can’t get a hold of my mom. Are you available?”

“Yeah, of course. Give me about thirty minutes, okay? Be there in a flash.”

“Thank you,” Emerson said, breathing a sigh of relief. “I’m on the sidewalk outside of baggage claim.”

Frank described his car so she would know who to look for, and also promised to call when he got close.

Emerson sat down on a bench and finally let the tears fall. Her career was at a great point, but she was homesick, even being on Jersey ground. And her love life … she had known for a while that Jeff was pulling away, that things weren’t good, but she had thought it was just a rut. She never expected for him to leave at all, let alone like this.

She hadn’t heard Frank call her, she was crying so hard. Next thing she knew, an arm was around her shoulders. She looked up to see Frank sitting next to her, so she quickly swiped the tears away.

“I’m sorry, my phone was in my bag, and I --”

Frank interrupted her apology. “Don’t worry about it. Wanna tell me what’s got you so upset?”

She pursed her lips together. “Jeff’s not coming. He was supposed to meet me here at the airport, but when I called him, he told me he wasn’t coming. I think it’s over.”

Frank’s arm tightened around her shoulders. “He wasn’t really nice to you, from what I know. Not that we know each other well enough for me to be saying this, but maybe you’re better off.”

“You may be right, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

“Fair enough. C’mon, we’ll hang out before you go home. Then your mom won’t freak out -- which I’m guessing is really why you didn’t call her?”

“Busted.”

Frank took her hand in his left and pulled her suitcase with his right. “Stick with me, Emmy. We’ll get you through this, together.”

Through her lingering tears, Emmy smiled. Together didn’t sound so bad coming from Frank.

Vanessa, Americus’s agent followed Americus around her room while she packed to leave for Ohio.

“I told you. I haven’t felt grounded in months. I need to go back to Columbus. Need, emphasis on need.”

The other woman groaned, leaning against an open space on the wall. “But you have two shoots before Christmas, and one before New Year’s.”

Americus sighed. “It can’t be about shoots anymore, Ness. It can’t be about shoots and parties and meetings and appearances. I don’t know who I am anymore, but it’s not this -- this person who plays the part of the elite crowd.”

“How much of this has to do with you running into that guy you know from when you were a kid?” Vanessa asked, frowning as though she might have been on to something.

“None of it,” Americus answered. She rolled her eyes. “Not all of it. I’ve been feeling this way for a while and seeing Tyler just cemented that I need to do this. Tell them I’m sick, tell them I quit -- whatever you have to do. But I’m not going to be there for those shoots, and I’m not doing anymore appearances and interviews until I figure some things out.”

She zipped her bag and shouldered it, grabbed her camera bag and her backpack, then turned to Vanessa.

“The sooner you get me to the airport, the sooner I can get home and figure out what I’m doing with my life.”

Vanessa groaned again but followed her client out to the car for the drive to the airport.

Emerson checked the time on her phone. “I should get going. I can only convince my mom of a plane delay for so long.”

Frank smirked. “You ready for that?”

“I don’t know,” Emerson sighed, setting her head against her hands. “I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with Christmas and a wedding and a break-up.”

“So don’t deal with it yet,” Frank replied, matter-of-factly. “Come hang out with me. I know a killer record store not far from here, you can crash in my guest room. Nothing shady, I promise.”

Emerson surprised herself by how appealing she found his offer. She licked her lips and thought about it before slowly nodding her head. “I mean, maybe my flight gets re-scheduled. Or something.”

“Or something,” Frank laughed, “that’s a good one. What do you say, Emmy?”

She loved that he called her that. No one had ever shortened her name to anything but ‘Em’ before. “Okay, fine. But I don’t want this getting out, okay? We have to keep a low profile. I really don’t want anyone thinking we’re hanging out to boost up my career or anything.”

Frank rolled his eyes and gathered his keys. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

Emerson grabbed for her purse and followed Frank to the car. The record store sounded exciting, right up her alley -- and who knew what else the night would bring.

“Okay. This one,” Frank said, pulling Bon Jovi’s Keep the Faith from the stacks of records. “Best record Bon Jovi ever made.”

Emerson rolled her eyes. “No way! Slippery When Wet.”

“No way,” Frank said, waving her off and sliding the record back into the pile.

“Seriously? Are you even from Jersey? Like, for real?”

Frank laughed. “You’re funny. Genuinely funny.”

“I am,” Emerson nodded. “Thank you. You’re fun to hang out with.”

Frank smiled. “Yeah. I am.”

“Well, I’m going to buy these, and then we can get you home, if you want. I’m sure you have family to hang out with or something.”

“I’ve got a free evening, actually. When you called -- I, uh, sort of canceled the plans I had with my friends. So if you needed me …”

Emerson’s cheeks hurt, she was trying so hard to keep her smile reined in. “I appreciate that.”

“Sure.”

It took some deep breaths stepping up to the register, but Emerson managed to stamp down the butterflies and her nerves, remind herself that she had just broken up with Jeff that day, and that there was plenty of time to get to know Frank -- and she also reminded herself of exactly what she had told him, that she wasn’t going to get involved in anything that might make it look like she was trying to climb the fame ladder.

Americus had been in town for a couple of days and decided it was time to get some Christmas shopping done. After two days of doing absolutely nothing but hanging out with her father, and it was time to get out in public.

Once she was seated behind the wheel, she dialed Tyler’s number. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey, kid. Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon,” he greeted.

Americus couldn’t help but smile to herself. “Yeah, well, I didn’t expect to be back in Columbus so soon. I’m going to do some Christmas shopping, and my dad said he saw you at church last weekend. So … yeah. I’m calling to see if you’d like to go Christmas shopping with me.”

Tyler chuckled. “Christmas shopping?”

“Yes,” Americus relied confidently. “What’s so funny about that?”

“I don’t know. Just picturing the new you going Christmas shopping. Figured you had someone to do that for you.”

Americus rolled her eyes. “Are you in or not?”

“I’m in.”

“Good. I’m already in the car. I’ll come pick you up.”

The mall was packed, but Tyler and Americus hardly noticed anyone else. A few fans approached the both of them for pictures and autographs, but it didn’t ruin their hometown reunion. They laughed and joked, just like it was old times, all the while crossing things off their Christmas shopping list.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Tyler asked her when they sat in the food court to take a break.

Americus shrugged. “Being home is pretty much all I wanted. Getting back on the ground, figuring out who I am.”

Tyler sipped from his soda. “C’mon. There’s gotta be something.”

“I don’t know. What about you?”

Tyler took a deep breath. “I want you to come on the next leg of the tour with us. Mark will handle the video portion, and I want you to do our photography.”

Americus’s mouth dropped open. “Ty … you haven’t even seen any of my work. Just because I said I like to take pictures, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Except that it does. I don’t have to see your work now, I saw it when we were in photography class in high school together. You were always taking pictures, of everything.”

“It’s not the same.”

He leaned forward. “You asked what I want for Christmas. I’m telling you. I’m offering you a job behind the camera.”

“How about I’ll consider it. Honestly, genuinely consider it. How’s that?”

Tyler pursed his lips together. “I’ll take it as a stocking stuffer. In the meantime, how about you and I go to Josh’s Christmas party together next week? Not like, together-together, but you can come with me.”

Americus smiled. “Okay. I’m in. Do I get to wear an ugly Christmas sweater?”

“If you want to,” Tyler laughed.

“For my Christmas present, will you wear one too?” she pleaded.

Tyler shook his head. “Only for you.”

Americus nodded and smiled. She had a lot to think about, but it was going to be a very good Christmas.  

[protectjugheadjonesiii]

Ever Since New York

Check the Ever Since New York Masterlist for series updates!

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description: After his junior year, Jughead goes to New York for a writing internship.  

Warnings: some swearing, you might cry

Word count: 4,574

A/N: umm first of all thank you for 7000 followers?? holy crap. anywho wowowow this is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written. It’s based off of the song “Ever Since New York” from Harry Styles’s album (which I love btw).  This is probably my favorite thing I’ve ever written tbh. Hope you all enjoy!

Tell me something, tell me something You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do

After years of saving the money he earned at the Twilight Drive-In and other odd jobs, Jughead finally had enough to buy a plane ticket to New York.  He had discovered a writing internship there that he knew he had to do. It didn’t take much effort to convince his dad to allow him to go; in fact, FP even offered to pitch in some money. Jughead refused, claiming that he wanted to do this all on his own.  He wanted to deserve this internship as much as possible.

He started talking to Veronica frequently, asking her about her time in New York.  She, of course, gladly answered all of Jughead’s questions.  She was glad to finally bond with her boyfriend’s best friend.  

Jughead also pestered Betty with questions, seeing as she had done an internship similar to his two summers ago.  It was a bit awkward at first, since the two of them used to date.  However, they both got over their awkwardness for the sake of preparing Jughead for his internship.

“It’s really amazing,” Betty told him.  “It’s a great experience, and you’ll learn so much.”

“What are other people like?” Jughead inquired.  “Are they pricks?”

“Sometimes,” Betty laughed. “It depends.  Do you know how many other people are participating in the internship?”

“Just one,” he answered, shrugging.  “I don’t know who it is though.”

“Well, if they’re a jerk then that’s gonna suck,” she offered.  “But if they’re nice, they may become one of the closest friends you’ll ever have.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Betty replied and nodded.  “You’re gonna spend all summer with this other person.  They’re either gonna drive you up the wall or become your new best friend.”

I need something, tell me something new Choose your words, ‘cause there’s no antidote For this curse, oh, what’s it waiting for? Must this hurt you just before you go?

“Have fun in New York, Jug.” FP patted his son on the back as they stood at the airport gate.  Betty, Veronica, Archie, Fred Andrews, and Kevin stood behind FP, all wearing supportive smiles.  Jughead glanced around at the group who followed him to the airport, filled with admiration of his friends and family.

“Thank you guys,” he said, fighting back a giant grin.  “You didn’t all have to come, though.”

“Of course we did,” Fred Andrews argued.  “We’re not gonna see you all summer, Jughead.  We have to give you a proper send-off.”

“Well, proper send-off achieved,” Jughead laughed.  He watched as others in the line began to move.  “I guess I should go now.  Thanks for this.  See you all in August.”  As he turned on his heel and walked away, the group of six gleefully waved at Jughead’s retreating figure.

“You aren’t worried about Jughead all alone in a giant city?” Fred asked FP as they exited the airport.

“Nah,” FP responded, waving his hand.  “He’s a smart kid, he’ll find his way.”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

“Hi, I’m Jughead Jones,” he introduced himself at the front desk.  “I’m here for the writing internship.”

The lady sitting behind the desk glanced up at Jughead.  “Ah, yes! We’ve been expecting you, Mr. Jones!” she exclaimed, standing from her chair.

“Oh, am I late?” Jughead inquired.  

The lady shook her head. “Oh no, not at all.  Your counterpart just got here early, so we’ve been waiting for you to start.”

“My counterpart?”

“Miss (Y/N) (Y/L/N),” she gestured to a girl sitting on a chair against the wall, flipping through a magazine.  The girl perked up when she heard her name, and saw Jughead and the receptionist staring at her.

“Is this him?” (Y/N) questioned, standing up and setting the magazine down.  Jughead noticed it was a TIME magazine.  

“Yes,” the receptionist answered.  “(Y/N), this is Jughead Jones.”  Jughead stuck his hand out to shake, and (Y/N) firmly shook his hand.

“I hope you’re not an asshole,” she blatantly said as they released hands, “because we’re gonna be stuck with each other all summer.”

“I was thinking the same thing about you,” he quipped.  

(Y/N) raised her eyebrow in interest.  “Quick-witted,” she noted with a smirk forming on her face.  “I like it.”

“You better,” Jughead fired back, biting back a grin.  “Like you said, we’ll be around each other all summer.”

“If we were together any longer, I’d worry about you falling in love with me,” she jokingly warned. “So be careful.”

Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news There’s no water inside this swimming pool

“When’d you get here?” (Y/N) asked as she and Jughead exited the building, their first day of the internship finished.

“Two days ago,” Jughead answered with his hands in his pockets.  “What about you?”

“Last week.”  Her pace was quick, and she seemed determined to get somewhere.  “Are you hungry?  Because I’m starving.”

“I would love some food,” Jughead almost moaned at the thought of food.  He was only able to scarf down a small lunch in the midst of the business.

“I know this great burger place,” (Y/N) explained as she led the way to the restaurant.  “It’ll make every other burger you’ve ever eaten seem like a pile of shit on a bun.”

“I doubt that,” Jughead scoffed.  “There’s a diner where I’m from that makes the best burgers you’ll ever eat.”

“Where are you from?”

“Riverdale,” he said. “Pop’s diner, that’s what it’s called. If you ever find yourself in Riverdale, stop by Pop’s.  Trust me, you’ll thank me.”

“Well we’re not in Riverdale right now, Jughead Jones,” (Y/N) reminded him.  “So you should thank your lucky stars that I am your counterpart, because I’ve been here for the past week. You know what I’ve been doing for that week?  Exploring, Jones.  I have tried and evaluated twenty-one restaurants, and I know where to go for whatever you’re craving.”

“What if I’m craving Korean food?” he quizzed.

“32nd street, there’s a great Korean grill,” she immediately responded.

“Ethiopian?”

“There’s a quaint little place on 135th street.”

“What if I want to get wasted?” Jughead smirked.

“There’s a club a couple of blocks away with shitty security,” (Y/N) answered with a smirk equally as wide.  “Or maybe I was just an exception, seeing as how attractive I am.”

“I think you overestimate yourself,” he scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes.  

(Y/N) lightly slapped him on the arm.  “I do not!” she retaliated.  

“Whatever, keep lying to yourself.”  Jughead quickened his pace, leaving (Y/N) behind him.

“Hey!” she called out, rushing to catch up to him.  “You better not leave me!  You don’t even know where you’re going.”

“You’re still here,” he noted, casually wrapping his arm around her shoulders.  “Lead the way, (Y/N).”

Almost over, had enough from you And I’ve been praying, I never did before

“God, this food sucks,” (Y/N) whispered, gesturing towards the plates of Japanese food sitting in front of her and Jughead.  “That place we ate at last week was so much better.”

“True,” Jughead agreed with a mouthful of food.  “But this place is cheaper.”

“Rightfully so!” she exclaimed, jabbing at her tofu with a chopstick.  Jughead silently laughed and shook his head, continuing to eat his fried rice.  He watched as (Y/N) picked at her dish, examining each aspect of the meal.  

It had been three weeks since their internship had begun, and Jughead and (Y/N) quickly became close friends.  They bonded over the overwhelming amount of work at their internship and their food-discovering adventures.  Jughead didn’t know how he would’ve survived an entire summer in New York without (Y/N) by his side.  They even stayed at the same hotel, so during a sleepless night, one would wake the other and stay up all night talking.  On those nights, they would drink hot chocolate.

“I’ve got the check tonight, Jug,” (Y/N) said, snapping Jughead out of his thoughts as she took the bill from the waitress.  Jughead furiously shook his head.

“No, (Y/N), you got dinner yesterday,” he protested, reaching out towards the bill.  “I’ll cover it tonight.”

“You got lunch!” she exasperatedly exclaimed.  “I can handle it.  Dinner wasn’t even expensive last night or tonight.”  

Jughead huffed as the waitress returned and took (Y/N)’s money.  “Fine,” he pouted, “but we’re gonna go out for desert, and I’m paying for it.”

“Fine.”

“Ice cream?” Jughead offered, standing from his chair.  (Y/N) followed suit, and they exited the diner.  She slowly grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers.

“I’m feeling frozen yogurt tonight,” she countered his offer, grinning up at him.

“What’s the difference?” Jughead playfully scoffed, trying not to blush at their hand-holding.  They had started doing it last week after he almost lost (Y/N) in a giant mass of people.

“I swear to God, Jug, you said the same thing last week, and I explicitly explained it to you.”  (Y/N) rolled her eyes.  “Ice cream is-”

“Made with cream, whereas frozen yogurt is a yogurt-based treat,” Jughead quoted what (Y/N) had told him last week.

“I knew you paid attention to me.”

Understand I’m talking to the walls I’ve been praying ever since New York

In the middle of the night, the phone started ringing.  Jughead, still half-asleep, answered it with his eyes remaining shut.  

“You can come over,” he said, not waiting for the caller to initiate the conversation.

“Okay,” (Y/N)’s quiet voice responded, and she hung up.  A few moments later, a soft knock resonated through Jughead’s hotel room.  He rolled off of his bed, throwing on a t-shirt, and opened the door.  (Y/N) stood in the doorway, slightly shaking.  

“You cold?” Jughead murmured.  (Y/N) wordlessly nodded.  He gently grabbed her arm and led her inside, shutting the door behind them.  He stripped the blanket off from his bed and draped it over her shoulders, wrapping (Y/N) in the soft white material.  (Y/N) smiled up at him.

“Why do you put up with me?” she asked, sitting on his bed.  Jughead mimicked her actions and sat next to her.

“What do you mean?” he questioned, furrowing his eyebrows.

“How are you not sick of me?” she elaborated.  “I mean, we’ve been constantly hanging out for, what, a month and a half now?  You know if I’m annoying you, you can just tell me. I’ll back off.”

“Why would you annoy me?” he asked, slowly wrapping his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap. “You’re the best part about this internship.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“I’m not,” Jughead lightly laughed, slightly nudging her.  “I’m serious, (Y/N).  Before I came, I was asking my friend Betty about internships.  She did one two years ago, so she knew what she was talking about. She told me that the people I’ll meet during this internship will either drive me up the wall or become one of my closest friends.”

“So I haven’t driven you up the wall?” (Y/N) inquired with a tentative smile.

“Of course not,” Jughead laughed loudly this time.  A moment of silence ensued, both (Y/N) and Jughead overwhelmed by sleepiness.

“Is Betty your girlfriend?” (Y/N) broke the silence, staring up at Jughead.

“No,” he muttered, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.  “She was,” he admitted, “but not anymore.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing bad,” he shrugged. “Sometimes things just don’t work out, you know?”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) muttered. “I had a boyfriend.”

“Really?  That’s shocking.”

“Shut up!” she whined, elbowing him.  “Yes, I had a boyfriend.  He was actually a total dickhead.”

“How?” Jughead asked, growing concerned.  

(Y/N) looked up at him and giggled.  “Oh, you’re worried,” she cooed, placing a hand on his chin.  Jughead swatted it away.

“Sue me,” he retorted, but then grew serious.  “But really, what happened?”

“Nothing bad,” she replied, facing away from Jughead.  “We were dating for a while, and… I don’t know.  He never really supported me in anything.  He wasn’t nice to any of my friends, and I didn’t notice for so long because I was so fucking smitten.  Eventually it hit me one day, and I realized that he was horrible.  So, naturally, I dumped him.”

“As one does,” Jughead nodded, nonchalantly tracing patterns on (Y/N)’s right arm with his thumb.  

(Y/N) slumped and sighed. “What time is it?”

Jughead glanced at the clock with its blaring, bright red numbers.  “Three o’clock.”

“Jesus,” she muttered, rubbing her eyes.  “I should… I should get back to my room.”  She jumped off the bed and trekked towards the door, her bare feet dragging on the carpet.

“Wait,” Jughead commanded, grabbing her arm.  “Don’t go, it’s too late.”

“You say that as if I have to walk across New York City,” (Y/N) joked.  “It’s fine, Jug, my room is down the hall.  I’m not gonna get mugged.”

“No, but you may fall over before you reach your room,” he countered with a lighthearted smirk. “Just stay here tonight, okay?” (Y/N), too tired to argue, needed no more convincing as she turned around and climbed into Jughead’s bed. He laid down, patting the space next to him.  (Y/N) tentatively settled next to him, slowly resting her head on the neighboring pillow. “You can get closer than that, you know,” he told her, amused by her unusually timid nature.  She hesitantly scooted closer to him, until she was near enough for Jughead to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her against his chest.  “That’s better,” he whispered into her hair.  She draped one arm around his torso, the other arm tucked under their now-shared pillow.

“Night, Jug,” she murmured, eyes already closed.  He smiled at her.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

“Oh, Jughead, how is it?” Betty eagerly asked, her face displayed on his laptop screen.  

“It’s been great,” Jughead answered.  

“What restaurants have you tried?” Veronica questioned from her spot next to Betty.

“A bunch,” he vaguely replied.  “(Y/N) is attempting to try every restaurant in New York City.  I think it’s impossible, but she’s determined.”

“Who is (Y/N)?” Archie inquired, popping his head into the camera’s view.  

Jughead laughed, “Where do I begin?  She’s my ‘counterpart’ for the internship.  We’ve become very close.”

“I told you,” Betty grinned. Jughead nodded.

“You were right,” he admitted.  “Right when I met her, I… I don’t know, it just felt like something clicked between us. We’re inseparable.”  Betty’s expression slightly darkened, but Jughead waved it off as a bit off jealousy.

“Ah, you’ve got it bad, bro,” Archie laughed at his best friend.  Jughead rolled his eyes.

“It’s not like that, Arch,” he explained.  “It’s like Betty said, you grow really close to people when you spend so much time together.”

“But you don’t blush when you talk about them,” Veronica noted, pointing out Jughead’s dusty pink cheeks.

“You’re imagining things,” Jughead scoffed.  Betty, Archie, and Veronica shared a knowing glance.

“If you say so,” Veronica sing-songed.  Before Jughead could respond, there was a knock on his door.  A smile subconsciously grew on his face.

“Speaking of (Y/N),” he said, standing up and walking towards the door.  He opened it, and, as expected, (Y/N) stood there.

“Are we going or not, Jug?” she pressed, grabbing his hand.  “I told you the line for the rainbow bagels is super long.  I don’t want to spend all of Saturday waiting for one, even though they’re so fucking pretty.”

“I’m video chatting with my friends right now,” Jughead told her, gesturing towards his open laptop. “Can you wait like five more minutes?”

“Fine,” (Y/N) huffed, crossing her arms.  She stepped into his room, allowing him to close the door behind her.  She followed him as he sat back down in front of his laptop, resting her chin on his shoulder as she peered at the screen. “These are your friends?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “That’s Archie,” he gestured towards the redhead, “the blonde one is Betty, and that one is Veronica.”  (Y/N) smiled at Jughead’s Riverdale friends.

“You must be (Y/N),” Betty smiled.  “Jughead was just talking about you.”

“Of course he was,” (Y/N) joked, nudging his arm.  Jughead playfully shoved her back.

“So how’s it been? Three months with the infamous Jughead Jones?” Veronica inquired with a smirk dancing on her lips.  

“Well it hasn’t been three months quite yet,” (Y/N) corrected her.  “I’ve only gotta deal with this guy for two more weeks.” Jughead’s face slightly deflated as this realization hit him.  “Let me tell you, he’s quite the handful.”

“We know,” Archie laughed. Jughead opened his mouth to say something, but (Y/N) interrupted him.

“Shit, I left my phone in my room!” she exclaimed, standing up.  “I’ll be right back, Jug.”  She turned and faced the laptop.  “It was great talking to you guys.  I hope we can meet sometime!”  She quickly exited Jughead’s room.  Immediately, Veronica, Archie, and Betty bombarded him about (Y/N)

“She’s perfect,” Veronica cooed.  “She’s actually flawless, Jughead.”

“You lucked out, bro,” Archie told him.  “She’s a keeper.”

“She’s absolutely amazing, Jughead,” Betty smiled.  Jughead grinned and shook his head.

“You guys, I told you-”

“Don’t even go there,” Veronica interrupted him.  “That girl is absolutely perfect for you.  The way you two look at each other is… it seems like it’s from a fairytale. You two are soulmates, Jughead.

“She does seem great, Jug,” Archie agreed with her.  “I mean, I’ve never seen you like that with anyone.  No offense, Betty.”

“None taken, Archie,” she waved his comment off.  “They’re right though, Jug.  You never looked at me the way you look at (Y/N).”  Jughead couldn’t think of a clever retort.  “But be careful, Jughead.  Like (Y/N) said earlier, you two only have two more weeks together. If you haven’t done anything up to this point, you might want to consider whether or not it’s worth it to start something now.  Just ask yourself, is it worth the heartbreak that’ll happen when you have to leave her?” She pursed her lips as she watched Jughead’s face darken on her screen.

“Thanks guys,” he said halfheartedly.  “Really, thank you.  I’ll see you all in two weeks.”

Tell me something, tell me something You don’t know nothing, just pretend you do Tell me something just before you go

“Our last day!” (Y/N) exclaimed, prancing into Jughead’s hotel room.  After the video call he had two weeks ago ended, he decided to give her a key to his room.  “Our internship is over, and we have one last night to spend together, Jug.  Out of every place in all of New York City, where do you want to go, Jughead Jones?” she asked seductively, a coy smirk growing on her face.

“I’m feeling burgers tonight,” Jughead answered, trying to stop his expression from deflating.  “And then maybe we can get some cupcakes?”

“I like it!” she grinned. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the room, beginning the trek to their favorite restaurant.  “Jesus, I can’t believe it’s been three months already.”

“I know,” he agreed.  “It seems like my plane landed just yesterday.”

“Yeah,” (Y/N) breathed. They spent the rest of their walk in silence, choosing to listen to the bustling New York traffic.  

The waitresses at the restaurant, at this point, knew Jughead and (Y/N) as regulars.  They didn’t even bother giving them menus, knowing exactly what each of them would order.

“You two are my favorites,” the waitress whispered as she set their burgers in front of them.

“Thank you,” (Y/N) grinned. “I’m sorry to say, but it’s our last day here.”

“Oh,” the waitress sighed. “Well, you two better visit.  I don’t know what I’ll do without my favorite regulars.”  She walked away, leaving (Y/N) and Jughead to enjoy their burgers.

“You know,” Jughead noted through a mouth full of burger, “I don’t know how you’ve tried almost every restaurant in New York City while becoming a regular here.”

“Talent, Jug,” she told him, wiping her mouth on a napkin.  “It takes a hell of a lot of talent.”

They finished dinner and went to their favorite bakery to get cupcakes.  On their walk back to the hotel, they fell into silence once again. It wasn’t broken until they entered Jughead’s hotel room.  By now, almost all of (Y/N)’s stuff ended up in here.  They found it easier, rather than constantly having to switch back and forth between rooms to grab their stuff.

“So that was our last day,” (Y/N) claimed, flopping onto the bed.  Jughead stood by the bedside, crossing his arms with an amused smile.

“Unfortunately, it was,” he nodded.  He jumped next to her on the bed, earning a shriek from (Y/N).  He swallowed as he stared at her, knowing what he had to tell her. “Do you remember what you said to me on the first day we met?”

“That I know where to go for whatever you’re craving,” she answered with a grin.  Jughead laughed and shook his head.

“No, the other thing.”

“I hope you’re not an asshole because we’re gonna be stuck together all summer?” she offered.  He shook his head again.

“Nope.”

“I called you quick-witted?”

“No!”

“What is it?” (Y/N) demanded, sitting up so that she was hovering over Jughead as he remained laying down.

“You told me that if we were together any longer than just the summer, I might fall in love with you,” he explained, sitting up so that they were face-to-face.  (Y/N)’s grin slightly faded.

“Oh,” she murmured.  “Yeah, I did say that.”

“You were wrong,” Jughead said, trying to keep his voice steady.  He slowly grabbed her right hand.

“Really?” she asked as her eyes followed Jughead’s hand.

“Betty told me to be careful,” he explained, “because we’re not gonna be together that long.  And she was right.  I mean, why would we risk an immense amount of heartbreak just for the sake of a blissful few weeks together?”  When (Y/N) said nothing, he continued.  “So I figured I could just suck it up and get through the rest of our time together and not say anything.  It was a good plan, but you… you ruined it.”

“Sorry,” she quipped with a small smirk.  Jughead lovingly rolled his eyes.

“No you’re not,” he laughed. “You’re not sorry, and you shouldn’t be. Within the three months we’ve spent together, I’ve grown closer to you than I ever have with anyone else.  Hell, my ex-girlfriend said that we were great together.”

“She did?”

“Yeah,” he responded, grabbing her hands.  “Jesus, (Y/N), I’m in love with you.  I’m fucking in love with you, and it sucks.  It sucks because I don’t know if I’m ever gonna see you again.  And this is gonna cause so much heartbreak, for me at least, and maybe you too.  I just… I can’t keep it from you anymore.  But I also think, deep down, you already knew how I felt.”  Tears clouded (Y/N)’s eyes, and her lips quivered as she quickly enveloped Jughead in a hug.

“Fuck,” she whispered into his neck.  “Fuck, of course I love you, Jughead.”  He pulled himself out of her grip and stared at her, stroking his hand across her cheek. They both leaned in, pressing their foreheads against each other.  Their lips ghosted over each other, only millimeters apart.

“If I kiss you-”

“If you kiss me, everything is gonna go to shit, Jug,” she interrupted him.  He nodded but didn’t pull away.  They sat there like that on his bed on a minute, (Y/N) sitting on Jughead’s lap with her arms around his neck, foreheads touching and lips barely brushing.

The tension grew unbearable, so (Y/N) closed the gap and pressed her lips against his, trying to express what she had been feeling for the past three months.  

Jughead, too, attempted to convey every pent up confession he had, wishing that kisses could speak. He wanted his hands, which were encircling her waist, to tell her how she charmed him with her wit.  He wanted his eyes, which were closed with pleasure, to tell her how beautiful she was, especially when she trudged into his hotel room at three in the morning.  He wanted his lips, which were pressed against hers, to tell her how much he loved her.  He loved her, he loved her, and he wanted to keep saying it for the rest of his life.

For the sake of oxygen, the two pulled apart.  They kept their foreheads resting against each other.  

“Everything’s gone to shit,” (Y/N) whispered, and Jughead burst out into laughter.  (Y/N) followed suit by giggling, and their still-entangled limbs caused them to fall onto the bed so that (Y/N) was laying on top of Jughead. This only caused the pair to laugh harder.  

When their chuckles finally died down, (Y/N) climbed off from on top of Jughead and laid next to him, resting her head on his chest.  She combed her hand through his raven locks.

“I’m sorry that I fell in love with you,” Jughead apologized, kissing the top of her head. They were slowly falling asleep.

“Thank you for falling in love with me,” (Y/N) whispered, eyes fluttering shut.  “It may have all gone to shit, but it was worth it.”

Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know Oh, tell me something I don’t already know

Jughead stepped off the plane and saw his dad and friends standing at the gate, excitedly waiting for him.  He didn’t say anything, he didn’t even bother smiling.  Immediately, everyone understood.  

While they were awaiting Jughead’s plane’s arrival, Betty, Veronica, and Archie explained to the rest of the group about (Y/N).  They told them about how Jughead spent three months falling in love with this girl, and they explained that they had never seen Jughead look so smitten before.  

“How was New York, Jug?” FP asked, taking Jughead’s suitcase from him.  Jughead shrugged.

“It was nice.”

“Good food?” he questioned, trying to get his son to open up.  Jughead nodded tiredly.

“Yeah, food was great,” he replied monotonously.

“And the internship?”

“Helpful,” Jughead responded.  “I think it’ll help me improve as a writer.”

“That’s good,” FP said, raking a hand through his hair.  “You had another person with you, right?”  FP noticed Jughead tense up at this.

“Yeah,” he answered quietly. “Yeah, I had a counterpart.”

“What was she like?” Jughead looked up at his dad.

“You already know who it is,” he replied, shaking his head.  “Who told you, Betty?”  FP pursed his lips.

“Yeah, her and Archie and Veronica.  But listen, Jug, you’re going to have your heart broken countless other times.  You’ll get over this girl,” he attempted to comfort Jughead.

“Dad, she wasn’t just a girl,” he protested.  “She was amazing and quick-witted, and I fell in love with her and then everything went to shit.  But the worst part is that it’s okay, because she loved me too.  She fucking loved me, and I kissed her, and now I may never see her again.”

“Well if you loved her that much, you may see her again,” FP shrugged.  “Fate is a tricky thing, son, but the universe seems to cooperate better if you love someone.”

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[phuongmai-blog]

Day 1 & 2: Travelling to Maastricht

For the past month I have spent a lot of my nights crying due to how anxious I am feeling, and how much I was going to miss my friends, family, and Gami (especially Gami). I’m also someone who’s a big worrier. I’m travelling alone – will I make friends? Can Gami and I survive a long distance relationship? Am I forgetting something? Do I have enough money? What if I get robbed/pick – pocketed? Will I have friends to travel with? I think you get it… LOTS of things to worry about. Also I’ve been listening to an abnormal amount of true crime podcasts within the past year – WHICH HAS NOT HELPED AT ALL WITH THESE ANXIETIES. 🙃

(snack break) I’m currently writing this on my flight to Amsterdam and the nice flight attendant gave me a nice big stroopwafel and some mineral water – I love dutch people already! Haha.

But yes, lots of worries, especially since I am flying and commuting alone. This is me trying to stay positive on the plane! 

In terms of travel, I am flying directly  to Amsterdam via KLM (I am a strong believer in flying directly to a destination after my Japan fiasco – which is a story Gami and I will gladly tell you if you ask) and then taking a train from Schipol airport to Maastricht train station which is where I will get picked up by a shuttle bus organized by the university’s international student network/association.

There were so many times to past couple days I thought about not going, not doing this. I think I felt this way because I finally got to a place in my life where I was somewhat comfortable. And to think I was just going to “ruin” all of this comfort to drop everything in head to Europe?! But here I am - the whole reason I chose SFU was so that I could go on exchange. It would be a huge disservice to myself had I not gone on this adventure. Sometimes we just gotta put ourselves out of our comfort zone in order to grow

The past week before leaving has flown by so fast. I was able to get in touch with my second cousin who lives in the Netherlands! Which is so cool!! Turns out she lives in Utrecht and she speaks Vietnamese and Dutch! She is so sweet, I’m looking forward to settling down and visiting her. She even offered to pick me up from the airport to spend some time together at her place, and then drop me off at the train station. Unfortunately, she offered this once all my travel plans were made, but I will definitely stay with her sometime during this trip.

When I was leaving the house and saying goodbye to my mom, Carter and two sisters, it was hard to hold back the tears. In the car my dad was telling me how everything was going to be okay, and that when he escaped Vietnam, he was 20 years old. He was pretty much saying, that if he could escape Vietnam, that I was going to be okay. When it finally came down to saying goodbye to my dad, all the tears just came down. I think my dad walked away without looking back because of how emotional he was getting too. You know how dads be. Man, just writing this is making me cry. I’m not too sure if I’ll be able to go back and proof read this post without crying. Queeny was working at the airport and bought me a nice pair of long taco socks because I didn’t realize that you need to wear long socks with Blundstones.

And finally, the hardest goodbye to make was to Gami. We spent a long time outside the gates, crying, hugging and just being a couple. Every time I looked back my heart just broke into a million pieces seeing how sad he was and him crying. It took me a couple times to finally walk through the gates. As much as I know that we will be okay, I feel so bad to leave him behind. He never made me feel that way, but I couldn’t help but feel bad. Gami you have been so good to me, and especially good to me the past two months. Man, who would have known that airports could be just sad places. I’ve never associated YVR with sad emotions, but today it was. I know we can do it, and I’m counting down the days till I get to see him again.

Getting through security was tough, I mean, I’m alone and crying. I think one of the employees told me “hey, you did a good job.” In an effort to make me feel better – and I really appreciate it. I had my bag pulled aside because they thought I had too many liquids, thankfully I didn’t!! Also hot tip: keep your liquids in a separate bag and take out for security screening.

I then walked to the duty free and bought a moisturizer, then proceeded to the gate. Man, again, hard to hold back the tears. Especially reading everyone’s message, and especially gami’s. I was able to squeeze in a phone call with my mom and Gami before boarding. Now here we are, in the plane… just waiting to see what happens once I get off. Also shoutout to Susan for telling me about the snacks at the back of the plane! I have definitely stood up multiple times to walk and stretch…. Because the one flight I can’t sleep, Is this one shaking my head

The rest of my travel day was quite rough. From Schipol I bought a train ticket but I was so confused with what was going on. I thought the ticket I bought was for a specific journey, but I quickly learned that it doesn’t matter which train lines you take, as long as you get to Maastricht it’s fine. Unfortunately there had been a medical emergency which in turn caused all the train lines to get cancelled and re-routed. I hope you can imagine the sheer amount of panic I had reading on my travel planner apps “this journey is no longer available.” What was supposed to be a 2.5 hr train ride and 2 transfers turned into almost 3.5 hrs, many transers and switching trains/platforms.

Not sleeping on the plane during the 9 hour flight and this hectic train ride was needless to say not ideal. There were many times where I thought, I can go home, but I can’t. I truly felt like giving up. But I pushed through and finally made it Maastricht! Thank goodness the school had set-up a pick up service from the train station to the residence I was staying. Even though I was tired, I was pushing myself to talk to people and make connections. Since one of my biggest fears is not having any friends.

When I got to my room I had time to take a quick nap before the first social events were going on. I took some time to buy an arrival week package, which I highly recommend! It’s pretty much a bunch of events the International Student Networks puts together for you to meet others.

Man my dorm room is huge, but also it felt so lonely that first day. The exhaustion and worry was not helping me. I really wanted to take a nap before the first social event, which was speedfriending, but my mind couldn’t turn off. I felt so lonely, everyone back home was sleeping, and it was really hard for me to convince myself to get out of bed. Nonetheless, I pushed myself to go to the speedfriending event and success! I was able to meet some people. It was great because a lot of people were in the same situation as me and it’s so cool meeting people from all over. We definitely got a lot of Aussies, Canadians and Spanish people here! I’ve never been exposed to so many different cultures. There was also free beer! I never liked beer but there’s something about European beer which isn’t too bad!

After speedfriending there was a beer Olympics event. I was tired so I decided to leave early with a new friend I made. Before we left we actually went down to the bottom floor of Atlas where past exchange students left things that they didn’t end up taking home. This was really useful! There was stuff like Tupperware, paper towels, a hair dryer! Thank goodness for the last people. I will definitely pay back and donate a lot of my stuff I’m not taking back home.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Homecoming Review Part 1

Goes without saying but there will of course be SPOILERS

Story

Adrian Toomes runs a salvage company that’s cleaning up after the Avengers battle with the Chitauri in Avengers Assemble. He’s put out of business by Tony Stark’s new company Damage Control. Consequently he and his gang use some of the alien tech they salvaged and become criminals.

 8 years later we follow Peter Parker chronicling an exuberant personal video diary during his trip to Berlin and his battle with Cap’s team from Captain America: Civil War. After he comes home Tony Stark tells him he’s not yet ready to be an Avenger but that he can keep the high tech suit he made for him.

 Two months later Peter has been fighting crime in Queens as Spider-Man (reporting in to a frustrated Happy Hogan seemingly every day) and claiming he’s working under a Stark internship as cover.

 During an encounter with some of Toomes’ men trying to rob an ATM Spidey notes the high tech weapons they were using. Later that night he comes home and inadvertently reveals his identity to his nerdy Lego loving best friend Ganke Ned.

 The next day at school Ned blurts out to Peter’s crush (Liz Allan) that Peter knows Spidey. After being goaded by his school rival Flash Thompson, Peter agrees to bring Spider-Man along to Liz’s party. However just before he makes his grand entrance Peter spots weird lights in the distance and goes to check it out.

 There he finds Toomes’ men (led by Jackson ‘Montana’ Brice/the Shocker) selling weapons to a man named Aaron Davis. Spidey distrusts the deal and give chase to the criminals but is attacked and dumped underwater by Toomes (who is sporting flight technology). However thanks to the tracking device in his suit he is saved by one of Iron Man’s suits that Tony Stark is remotely controlling. He is lectured by Stark to leave the situation alone and ‘stay on the ground’ but later Peter recovers some Chitauri tech that had been misplaced during the battle.

 Toomes fires Brice for his incompetence but when Brice threatens to talk Toomes kills him and gives his ‘Shocker’ weaponry to Herman Schultz. Schultz tracks the Chitauri energy core (which Peter and Ned removed) to Peter’s high school. Peter manages to evade Schultz but tags him with a tracking device and he and Ned learn Schultz is in Washington DC.

 Coincidentally this is where the school decathlon team are heading for Nationals so Peter and Ned tag along. Together the pair disable the tracking device in Peter’s suit along with enabling the full features of his suit, including his own personal A.I. (Karen). Peter fights Toomes on a Damage Control truck but (partially due to his inexperience with the new abilities of his suit) winds up imprisoned within it and consequently stuck in Damage Control’s warehouse, missing the Nationals.

 Learning from Karen that the Chitauri core in Ned’s possession is unstable and dangerous he escapes from the warehouse and tracks the decathlon team (sans the silent and cynical Michelle Jones) to the Washington monument. Unfortunately the power core goes off and damages the elevator in the monument prompting Spidey to climb up it and enter through a window near the top (scouting the area out with a drone released from his chest).

 He manages to save the team and back in NYC tracks down Davis in order to locate Toomes, trying (and failing) to intimidate him using the suit’s voice modulating feature. Davis is concerned about the weapons being on the street since he has a nephew in the neighbourhood (a reference to Miles Morales) so he informs Spidey that Toomes will be at the Staten Island ferry.

 On the ferry Spidey identifies Toomes’ new buyer as a gangster called Mac Gargan and proceeds to intervene. However Toomes and Schultz get away whilst one of the weapons goes haywire and cuts the ferry in half. Spidey tries to save it but lacks the strength to do so. Thankfully Iron Man is on hand and manages to rescue everybody.

 Stark (now in person) rakes Peter over the coals for his screw up informing him he set up an FBI sting on the ferry that Peter ruined. Peter claims he was just trying to be like him but Stark retorts that he wanted him to be better (admonishing himself for sounding like his own father) and demands the return of the Spider-Man suit. Peter protests that he is nothing without the suit to which Stark replies that if that’s true he shouldn’t have the costume at all.

 Peter returns home to an angry and upset May, gets a talking to by the school faculty about cutting out on class and generally accepts his life is on a real downer. However Liz agrees to go to the Homecoming dance with him and after May helps him prepare he heads over to Liz’s home. However he is greeted by Liz’s Dad who is in fact Adrian Toomes himself. Whilst driving Peter and Liz to the dance Toomes figures out Peter is Spider-Man and threatens to kill him and his loved ones if he interferes in his business again.

 Peter however cannot let Toomes walk free and after informing Ned of what he is doing heads off to stop him. He is however confronted in the school parking lot by Shocker who Ned helps take down.

 Garbed in his original homemade costume, Peter (directed by Ned from the computer lab) confronts Toomes at his lair where the villain tries to persuade him to his side. He cites how guys like Tony Stark step on normal folks like them. Peter doesn’t buy it and Toomes promptly buries him in the ruins of his base. Toomes, aided by his tech guy Mason (the Tinkerer), heads over to Stark Tower where Happy Hogan is loading tech onto an automated plane headed for the new Avengers headquarters.

 Meanwhile Peter buried under the rubble thinks about what Stark said after the ferry, screws up his will power and frees himself finding his way onto the automated plane mid-flight and battling Toomes. The plane crashes on Coney Island and eventually Toomes is defeated, Peter having saved his life.

 Days later at the school Michelle (whose friends call her ‘MJ’) becomes leader of the decathlon team; she also stares a little too suspiciously after Peter as he leaves. Her promotion is due to Liz’s family moving away in light of Toomes’ arrest. Happy Hogan shows up at the school to thank Peter for what he did and also takes him to see Tony at the new Avengers HQ. Stark congratulates him on his efforts, tells Peter he has a press court waiting to announce him as the newest Avenger and presents him with an all new armoured Spider suit.

 Peter is elated before ultimately turning the offer down and reaffirming that he should probably stick to the ground as a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for now. He leaves Stark at a loss as to what to tell the press when Pepper Potts walks in and Happy gives them an engagement ring he’d been holding onto since 2008.

 Back at the Parker residence Peter finds that Stark has returned his old suit to him. As he dons it though he doesn’t notice May behind him. She then exclaims in surprise.

 In prison Toomes meets up with Gargan who asks if the rumours that he knows Spider-Man’s identity are true. Toomes affirms that they are not.

 The movie wraps up with a Captain America clip that I dare not spoil because it is simply amazing.

 Review

When it comes to comic book films (or any films that adapt previously existing source material) there are three key points of view to evaluate the movie from.

·         The experience of actually watching the movie.

·         How the film works just as a story unto itself.

·         How the film works as an adaptation of the source material.

 For old dinosaur fans like myself it can be sometimes hard to divorce the third point from the second, so married are we to the source material.

However this isn’t to say it is impossible and I am going to try my best to be objective going forward. To help myself I’ve divided this review into two parts. Part 1 will cover my thoughts on the film as just a film. Part 2 my (much lengthier) thoughts on the film as an adaptation.

However, even when doing this evaluating this movie no easy task.

As an experience I’m not sure I ever walked out of a Spider-Man movie more fundamentally mixed in my feelings. Not disappointed exactly, but then I wasn’t exactly hyped when booking my tickets (by the way don’t bother seeing this in 3D like I did).

Okay to begin with let’s put things into context. This film had a Herculean job on its hands as it had to accomplish four key tasks:

 1.    Be a good stand alone film (or as stand alone as MCU movies can be)

2.    Showcase new possibilities from presenting Spidey in the context of the shared Marvel Cinematic Universe

3.    Lay groundwork for future Spider-Man movies

4.    Rehabilitate Spider-Man’s standing in the public eye following the Marc Webb Spider-Man films which left audiences fatigued and disenchanted with the character.

 And it did accomplish all of those...mostly.

 I could never in my heart of hearts call this a bad movie. It isn’t. It’s a good movie. It’s fun. It has action, humour, solid special effects, a perfectly serviceable story and strong performances all round.

 Last year after Captain America: Civil War I felt that I’d need to see more from Holland to determine how suitable he was for the role of Peter Parker/Spider-Man and how he measured up to Garfield or Maguire.

 This film has now convinced me Holland is perfectly qualified for the role. As for how he measures up...that’s a little hard to determine.

 His performance is much closer to Garfield than Maguire’s but ultimately the script is asking very different things of him than either of the two previous Spider-Men. As such it’s a little hard to compare their performances.

 He absolutely sells you on everything he is doing. The problem is everything he’s doing is kind of...atypical for Spider-Man. As such how he measures up as the character is tricky. Garfield’s Peter Parker/Spider-Man in comparison to Maguire’s essentially emphasised certain traits over the other. For example his Spider-Man was the superior quipster though this wasn’t wholly devoid of Maguire’s version of the character either. Meanwhile Maguire’s Peter Parker was most assuredly more introspective and nerdy than Garfield’s even if there were less examples of him operating as a scientist. Holland’s Spider-Man is in large part just a different animal altogether.

 Here Peter Parker and Spider-Man both are defined by their youthful inexperience and desire to play in the big leagues with the grown-ups, a league they aren’t yet ready for precisely because of that youthful inexperience.

 In this regard the film succeeds at most of the above points as this is undeniably something fresh and original for Spider-Man on film and it takes advantage of the possibilities of Spider-Man existing within a shared universe. Similarly Peter’s high tech suit definitely gives audiences something they’ve never seen before for the wall-crawler and it is firmly rooted in the wider MCU.

 In fact the whole movie can be said to be defined by the guiding philosophy of using the MCU at large to do something different. The characters are firmly rooted in showing you the ground level of a universe that in previous films has mostly showcased much larger stakes. Though this doesn’t apply to the whole movie as the inclusion of Ned as Peter’s friend and confidant and a greater emphasis upon Peter’s school mates help give the film a different flavour to what’s come before.

 And it does work...up to a point.

 Confession time. Back in 2016 when BvS: Dawn of Justice was released I dismissed just about everyone who ever tried defending that train wreck with the argument that the film was refreshing because there was a formula to the MCU films that employed light hearted goofy comedy. However between Doctor Strange and this film I have to admit that I’ve changed my tune.

 More than once in this movie Spider-Man is involved in slapstick comedy usually at his expense. It’s like advanced superhero clowning where the characters bumble and trip around. Now whilst this is fairly new to Spider-Man on film it’s actually not that uncommon for the MCU at large. You can see it for example in Iron Man 2008, Ant Man and Doctor Strange. That last one is particularly poignant because if there is one character who really does not lend himself to slapstick or goofy humour it is the ever enigmatic Doctor Stephen Strange.

 That sort of bumbling is cranked up in this movie because the point is the lead is inexperienced and learning the ropes. And when looked at on its own its honestly not insufferable or anything but along with the rest of the winking, quippy, jovial humour of the film does kind of feel repetitive of other MCU films. I think it’s definitely time for that formula to change if not be abandoned entirely.

 It doesn’t kill the movie though.

 Really there are only a few really serious marks against this movie as a film I have.

 To begin with the promotional material egregiously misrepresented Iron Man’s involvement (and spoilt way too much) but that’s not exactly the movie’s fault.

 The climax is not that satisfying as Spider-Man doesn’t beat Vulture so much as survives against him. The romance was kind of just there and existed more to serve other plot points rather than be its own legitimate subplot (a by product of trying to be different to previous movies I suspect). And the timeline with the other MCU films makes my head hurt. Seriously Avengers Assemble was 8 years before this movie? How does that make sense?

 The worst moment though is when Peter claims he is nothing without the high tech Spider suit Stark gave him. I have more problems about this when we get into part 2 but just in the context of the movie and the MCU this doesn’t really add up.

 Peter was operating as Spider-Man in Queens for something like a year before Stark showed up. Before unlocking the other features of it, the Spider suit he wore amounted to giving him an easily adjustable body suit, some high tech lenses and an advanced tracer. He used that for 2 months straight and only unlocked the added abilities of the suit a few days before Stark took the suit away (abilities that he couldn’t fully control).

 So he really didn’t need the suit to do what he’d been doing mostly up until then and he said it himself earlier in the movie, he was a kid who could stop a bus with his hands. He still has immense super powers and it seems illogical that he’d honestly not be able to recognize that. By extension the scene where he lifts the rubble to prove how he is more than a fancy suit doesn’t make much sense because of all the problems I just outlined.

 These hardly ruin the movie though.

 As for setting up future instalments, there is admittedly not too much done in this regard. The film is surprisingly self-contained for an MCU feature. There is a little tease of the Sinister Six but it’s very up in the air, it’s more likely we’ll simply be seeing the Scorpion in the next movie and maybe some more of Toomes. Other than that we have May learning Peter’s secret which may or may not turn out to be a really big source of drama going forward. We will have to wait and see.

 So as a movie that’s the latest instalment of the MCU I’d award this film a solid B. It’s a good movie about Spider-Man but probably not the best, but definitely not up there with the likes of Iron Man, the First Avenger, the Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy and most certainly none of the large scale team up films like Avengers Assemble, Age of Ultron or Civil War.

 I’d recommend you go see it as a fun entertaining time killer.

 However...as an adaptation...well, that’s a different matter entirely.

[erandir]

First Impressions - Part 1

Prompt from @beaubleu: Incorporate 4 or more of the following words: archery remember dress kiss head ticket blood judge fear reflective sand base

This is inspired 50% by the prompt and 50% by a conversation we had about 500 years ago about this AU. And then it got a little out of hand. By which I mean it’s currently 10 pages long and about half done. So now it’s in parts.

The moral of this story is to not give me such open-ended vague prompts because I will get absolutely carried away and accidentally write a novel.

Or do do that, if that’s what you want. 

Title: First Impressions, or An Inopportune Way to Meet the Parents

Pairing: Dorian/Idhren/Tainan

Modern AU notes: The three are in an established poly relationship for about a year at the time of this fic, Idhren and Tainan have been together about 2 years. Dorian is a Thaumaturgy grad student, Idhren is a Thaumaturgy/Physics double major undergrad, Tainan is a barista. 

Summary: A family emergency prompts a last-minute redeye flight back to Tevinter, courtesy of boyfriend’s trust fund. Followed by some awkward first meetings.

It was a perfectly normal evening when Idhren’s phone rang. He was piled onto the couch with Tainan and Dorian, take out boxes on the coffee table and sitcom reruns on the television. When his phone buzzed against the surface of the table Idhren dislodged himself from the arm around his shoulders and leaned forward to grab it. “It’s my mom,” he announced to the room at large, then stood up. “I’ll be right back.”

He didn’t actually leave the room, only stepped far enough away to be heard over the sound of the television as he picked up the call. His departure went largely ignored by his partners. Idhren was close with his family and calls from them were a regular occurrence. Tainan thought nothing of it until the tone of Idhren’s voice changed.

“Is he alright? What happened?” Idhren was asking, urgent and distraught. Tainan turned away from the television and looked across the room. Idhren was standing by the window, shoulders hunched and a white knuckled grip on his phone. The silence that followed his question was uncomfortably long and ended with a shaky sigh, “Maker…” He raked a hand through his hair and stared out the window. “Yes… I know I just… Please call me when you know anything… Thanks… I love you, too.”

The call ended. Idhren lowered the phone from his ear and just stared at it for a long moment. Tainan was getting concerned. “Idhren?”

The sound of his name drew Idhren’s attention, but he turned his head slowly, as if in a daze. His eyes were wide with shock, brow drawn together in concern.

The television turned off. At some point Dorian had noticed what was going on as well, though Tainan had been too focused to notice when. “What’s wrong?”

For a moment Idhren looked lost, holding his phone and staring at them like he wasn’t entirely certain what he was doing. When he spoke, his voice trembled slightly. “Sahren… My brother… He’s in the hospital.”

“Is he alright?” Tainan asked in alarm.

“I… I don’t know…” Idhren’s gaze fell back down to the phone in his hand, as though it could provide him the answers. “They don’t know. He’s in surgery right now. It… It’s bad.”

Tainan was up out of their seat even before Idhren finished speaking, crossing the room and wrapping their arms around Idhren’s trembling shoulders. Idhren folded against Tainan’s chest, face tucked under their chin and hand still clutching his phone between them. Tainan knew how close Idhren and his brother were, best friends and confidants their whole lives.

“Do you know what happened?” Dorian asked, rising from the sofa as well to come join them.

“There was a fight…” Idhren’s voice was quiet, choked, and muffled against Tainan’s shirt. “There’s always a fight… But this… She thinks he was stabbed. The police came. Everything’s fucked.” Tainan’s arms tightened around his shoulders. “I don’t know what to do. What if he…?”

What if he dies? Idhren couldn’t complete the sentence, but the sentiment hung heavy in the room.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Tainan soothed, but the look they sent Dorian over Idhren’s head said otherwise. And the gears in Dorian’s head began turning.

“Just wish I was there with him,” Idhren mumbled. “I hate not knowing.”

The gears clicked into place. “That can be arranged,” Dorian said, already moving to retrieve his laptop from the desk in the corner.

“What?” Tainan asked, watching the man. Even Idhren peered out of Tainan’s embrace to see what Dorian was doing.

“Being there,” Dorian elaborated. He opened the laptop and it hummed to life, displaying for a brief moment the research he had been doing earlier in the day before he pulled up the internet browser atop it. “Vyrantium is a major city - I assume he’s in Vyrantium?” at Idhren’s barely perceptible nod of confirmation, Dorian continued, “Right, then there should be plenty of non-stop flights heading there. We can put you on the earliest one.”

Dorian was already navigating to a travel site by the time Idhren’s shock passed. “I can’t do that,” he protested, pulling away from Tainan’s embrace. “Dorian I have classes. I have a paper due next week. I can’t just drop everything and go to Vyrantium.”

“Of course you can,” Dorian replied, as though it were really that simple. “I’ll talk to your professors, I’m sure an overachiever like you can miss a few classes and not fall behind. And that paper; it’s nearly finished isn’t it?”

“That’s not the point, Dorian,” Idhren protested. “I have responsibilities here. And anyway a last minute flight to another country would cost a fortune. I don’t have that kind of money.”

“Yes, but I do,” Dorian chimed. “And what’s the point of having a trust fund if you don’t use it?”

---------- Idhren’s flight left at 2:15 in the morning. Five hours after he’d received the phone call from his mother. With no further updates on his brother’s condition in that time, Idhren’s fear eventually overrode his protests against leaving the country on such short notice. He hated the waiting, the not knowing.

“You have your passport?” Dorian asked as he pressed the boarding pass into Idhren’s hand.

“Yes,” Idhren replied. He clutched the ticket and pulled his passport out of his pocket.

“Wallet?” Dorian continued asking, to which Idhren just nodded. “Phone? Packed your meds?”

“Yes,” Idhren said again. “I have everything.”

Dorian looked like he was going to continue asking anyway, but cut himself off when Tainan suddenly enveloped Idhren in a hug, squeezing him tightly. “Try to get some sleep on the plane,” they murmured into Idhren’s ear. None of them had had any sleep so far that night and Tainan had work in the morning. “And I know you’ll spend every possible moment at that hospital, but remember to take off your binder for fuck’s sake. I packed you one of my sweaters.”

Idhren smiled despite his roiling emotions. He returned Tainan’s hug, squeezing back as tightly as he was able. “I will, I promise.”

Tainan kissed Idhren’s cheek and then pulled away, letting Idhren turn to Dorian and offer him a hug as well. Dorian hesitated a fraction of a moment before squeezing him tight. “Let us know when you land,” he requested.

“I will,” Idhren said again. “Thank you for this.” Everything the two of them had done for him - from the plane ticket to helping him pack, and just their unconditional support - meant so much more to him than he could ever express in words.

----------

Two phones vibrated on the bedside table a few hours later, rousing Tainan slightly from the exhausted sleep they’d eventually succumbed to. Blindly, they reached out and grabbed the first phone their hand landed on. The screen was blinding when it came to life, Tainan winced and groaned, beside them in bed Dorian grumbled a muffled “fuck”. When their eyes finally adjusted enough to look at the screen Tainan realized they’d grabbed Dorian’s phone, but it didn’t matter. A text popped up on the screen.

“He made it,” Tainan announced quietly into the stillness of the room. “In a taxi now.” Dorian acknowledged this with an unintelligible grunt. Another text appeared. “He’ll call later.” Another grunt from Dorian, Tainan typed in a heart emoticon and sent it off, then set the phone back down on the nightstand and went back to sleep.

----------

That promised phone call came just after noon, minutes after Tainan left work, which meant that Idhren had timed the call specifically so it wouldn’t interrupt, and Tainan was a little annoyed by that.

“He was out of surgery by the time I got here,” Idhren explained after the pleasantries had passed. Even through the phone he sounded exhausted. “But he’s going to have to stay here for a while. It’s… fuck… It’s bad, Tai.”

“How bad?” Tainan asked, not sure they actually wanted to know.

Idhren was quiet for a long moment before he answered, “Fractured skull, broken arm, broken ribs, puncture wounds…” he took a deep breath, obviously struggling to keep his voice under control. “The doctor says he’s stable now, but he’s been asleep most of the time I’ve been here. He wouldn’t tell me what happened. And there were police here.”

“But he’s stable now,” Tainan grasped on the one good thing Idhren had said. “He probably just needs to rest and recover, I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Yeah…” Idhren sighed, though he didn’t sound convinced.

“Are your parents there?”

“No… Dad’s on a job in the next town, he can’t leave. Mom can’t get any more time off work. She was here the first day, but now it’s just me.”

Sitting by his brother’s bedside in a hospital alone. “I’m gonna talk to people, see if I can find someone to cover my shifts and I’ll go up there. You shouldn’t be alone.”

“No, Tainan, it’s fine,” Idhren sighed. “Really. You need the money and I’m not going to let Dorian buy another plane ticket. This is… This is enough. I’m fine.”

He didn’t sound fine. “Alright,” Tainan agreed reluctantly. “Did you talk to Dorian yet?”

“No. He’s got discussion groups until four.”

“Oh fuck discussion groups,” Tainan complained. “They’ll do fine without him for five minutes. You need to call him.”

“I will, I will,” Idhren promised. “I’m sorry for making all of you worry.”

“Don’t apologize for that,” Tainan scolded. “It’s not your fault. Just let us know what’s going on.”

“I will,” Idhren promised again.

----------

It was the third day since Idhren had arrived at the hospital. In that time he’d barely left the building, only venturing out to get something other than cafeteria food. And the night before when his mother and Tainan combined had finally convinced him to go home and sleep in a real bed. It had taken both of them because the bus ride across town to his parents’ house took over an hour and he didn’t like being that far away any more than he’d liked being in another country.

Sahren’s condition improved slowly but steadily. He was awake now more often than not, and had been shocked the first time he was coherent enough to register Idhren’s presence.

“He keeps trying to tell me he’s fine and I should go back,” Idhren sighed, in the hall outside his brother’s hospital room now with his cell phone pressed against his ear. “Maybe he’s right. I’m missing so much coursework.”

On the other end of the line he could hear a sigh. “Haven’t I already told you Alexius said you can use our lab at your leisure so long as one of us is there with you?”

“I know, I know,” Idhren replied. “It’s not just the lab work, though. Genetivi wants me to do extra credit to make up for missing lectures. As though I have time to visit the Circle archives while I’m here.”

“Would you like me to talk to him for you?” Dorian offered.

“No,” Idhren said immediately. “I don’t need you fixing everything for me, Dorian. You’ve already done more than enough. Honestly. I’ll figure something out.”

“If Sahren’s getting better,” Tainan’s voice butted in, reminding Idhren that he was on speakerphone back in their apartment, “They should be letting him out soon, right?”

“Yeah,” Idhren confirmed. “He’s gotta stay here until they’re sure his head’s alright. Then he’ll just need check-ups for his arm and his stitches. Few more days, probably, before they send him home. Mom would rather he stay here until he’s completely better, but we can’t afford that. Already it’s… It’ll be tight, but we’ll manage.” There were savings for situations just like this. Because they’d always known it was coming.

The silence on the other end of the line stretched on for a little too long, then Tainan spoke again, all in a rush as though to cover up the pause, “Let me know when he’s out,” they said. “I’m gonna send you guys a care package. A get well soon package.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Idhren protested.

“It’s not anything big,” Tainan assured. “Just… I might have mentioned at work why you were gone,” they said sheepishly, “Everyone threw in a couple dollars, just so you can get him a cake or something. Make him feel better.”

“I, of course, had to tell most of the thaumaturgy department,” Dorian added in. “They’re sending a card.”

People who had never even met Sahren before were willing to do something like that? Just because they knew Idhren and Tainan? “I… Thank you,” he said, momentarily speechless, “Thank them for me.”

“I will,” Tainan promised. “And tell him ‘hi’ from me.”

“I’ve done that every time you call,” Idhren told them.

“Well maybe put him on the phone next time and you won’t have to,” Tainan said.

Idhren couldn’t help smiling a little, “I’ll try to call you next time he’s awake, then.”

“Shit, I’m going to be late to class,” Dorian said suddenly. “We’ll have to go.”

“Alright,” Idhren replied, though he could not help feeling disappointed. Their phone calls never lasted long enough.

“Let me know if you need help with anything, I still have some friends up there,” Dorian added.

“We’ll be fine, Dorian,” Idhren said for what felt like the thousandth time.

“And eat something healthy!” Tainan threw in.

“Yes, mother,” Idhren rolled his eyes.

“We love you.”

The declaration made Idhren blush for no reason he could explain. Maybe because, in the midst of all this, with how supportive they had both been, he believed it more than ever. And he loved them more than ever. “I love you, too. Both of you.”

----------

Another day passed.

Idhren was awoken by the buzzing of his phone on the bedside table. Outside his bedroom window the sky was still dark, silver moonlight and the orange glow of street lamps shone in, lighting the room enough for him to reach over and grab the phone. He answered it without even looking at the screen, knowing even half-asleep as he was that no one would call him at this hour unless it was urgent. “H’llo?”

“You will never guess where I am right this second,” Dorian’s voice floated through the phone, rough and tired, and it took Idhren a moment to recognize it.

“Dorian it’s two in the morning.”

“I know,” the man replied. He let out a weary sound somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “Believe me, I know.”

“What the fuck, Dorian?”

“If you’re not going to guess I’ll just have to tell you,” Dorian continued. His tone was a pale comparison of his usual flippancy. He sounded exhausted. “I’m at the Vyrantium airport. So you need to tell me whether you’re at home or the hospital so I can get a taxi.”

That woke Idhren up. “You… What?” he asked stupidly, sitting up in bed.

“I’m in Vyrantium,” Dorian repeated patiently, “And you need to give me an address to go to.”

“What the fuck?” Idhren said again.

“Yes, you’re very surprised, I get it,” Dorian’s facade of a good mood was beginning to slip. “I haven’t slept so please give me an address to tell this very nice taxi driver.”

“I’m at home,” Idhren said, still in a bit of shock from this phone call. But he gave Dorian the address before hanging up. Then he climbed out of bed, pulled on Tainan’s sweater, and went out to the living room to wait.

Half an hour later there was a gentle knock on the front door. Idhren had dozed off on the sofa but it startled him awake again. A moment later there was another knock, slightly louder this time, and Idhren hurried to answer it before Dorian did something stupid like ring the doorbell at nearly three in the morning.

And there he was. Standing on Idhren’s doorstep with a single carry-on suitcase and looking… well, awful, really. His hair was unstyled, his clothes rumpled, there was stubble on his cheeks and dark circles under his eyes. “You look like shit,” Idhren said without thinking.

“You’re not exactly a beacon of perfection yourself right now,” Dorian grumbled. “Please tell me you have coffee in this house. Or a bed.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Idhren asked even as he stepped aside to let Dorian in.

“Trying to be a good person for once in my life,” Dorian replied, “Or succumbing to peer pressure. I’m not entirely certain.”

“It’s too early in the morning for me to translate your sarcasm,” Idhren complained.

Dorian sighed wearily. “I’m here to help,” he said. “In whatever way I can. Because Tainan and I can’t bear listening you be miserable over the phone, and I can’t bear watching them walk around the apartment all worried calf eyes all the time.”

“You… flew all the way here because you were worried?” Idhren asked in disbelief.

Too tired from his red eye flight to come up with the witty retort that Idhren might have expected, Dorian just mumbled, “It was Tainan’s idea. Now would you please point me to a bed or something I haven’t slept a wink.”

Idhren wasn’t certain where to let Dorian sleep. It wasn’t as though they had a guest room, or time to prepare for visitors. Or even time to warn his parents that Dorian was coming. That meant the sofa wasn’t an option. The last thing he needed right now was his mother waking up in the morning to find a strange man sleeping on her sofa.

“There’s not a lot of space,” Idhren warned as he lead Dorian back to his bedroom. The door opened with a soft creak and he stepped inside the still-dark room, lit only by the street lights outside. It was small, barely enough room for a twin bed, desk, and bookshelf that was nearly overflowing. The room hadn’t changed at all since he’d left for university, still bearing the decorations of his teenage years - a couple of movie posters and a bulletin board covered with snapshots and handwritten notes. “We’ll have to share the bed.”

Dorian looked at the small bed dubiously as he pushed his suitcase into a corner. “It’s a good thing you’re small, then,” he muttered.

“If it wasn’t three AM I would kick your ass,” Idhren grumbled in response. He pulled the sweater off over his head again and slung it over the back of the desk chair before climbing into bed. Dorian joined him a short moment later, after stripping down to his shirt and underwear. It took a bit of maneuvering to get them both to fit comfortably, and ended up with Idhren lying half on top of Dorian, but eventually they both fell into exhausted sleep.

[raybansandcoffee]

Chapter 27: Never Enough (One Direction)

Harry

“So Nate, are we going to have an almost choking on jewelry incident again tonight?” He flipped Annie off from across the table. “Nope. We aren’t actually here on Valentine’s Day this year, so you two missed out on me giving her jewelry.” “What did you get her?” I asked. Due to Nate’s case and my work in LA we had been in Los Angeles for Annie’s birthday. I felt terrible about it. She always spent her birthday with her friends. We were either in London or here in Paris with Nate and Kim. But this year because of my commitments we weren’t able to do that.

“He got me a vintage sapphire and diamond cocktail ring.” She held her hand out to show us. It was a very nice ring. Nate had always been hesitant to buy jewelry for Kim on his own. Evidently, the first pair of earrings he bought her she hated. So he always made sure if he was gift giving he had Lyla, Lizzy, Annie or me with him. I remember when he had asked me when we were out to dinner one night to meet me while the girls were at work the next day and help him shop for an engagement ring. We were lucky that we didn’t get caught by photographers or both of the women in our life would’ve been emotional. It was the first time we’d hung out just us guys which was a bit awkward. I don't often go jewelry shopping with my mates. He had spent the entire time being half mental trying to pick between two rings and finally made me pick. I talked him through the decision so he came to it on his own with a little coaching. He was one of three boys, he didn’t have sisters who taught him this stuff. I was lucky I’d had Gemma over the years. She’d always taught me how to pay attention to what women did so I could get the right thing. Which was good because the woman in my life was overly opinionated and if she hated something I gave her was happy to close the box and hand it back. “You did a nice job, mate,” I said smiling. He mouthed out ‘Lyla’ and I quietly chuckled. “So are we going to grab cocktails somewhere or are we heading back to our hotels. You two have an uninterrupted night of sleep ahead of you.” “We could grab a bottle of champagne and share it in our room,” Annie said smiling at me. I loved her smile. Her tiny dimple showing on her right cheek, her blue eyes sparkling. She hadn’t stopped smiling since I told her I was done waiting and it was time to get married. She didn’t stop smiling when her parents all three cried knowing that she was right and they wouldn’t be able to be here for the wedding. Surprisingly her Dad even cried a bit. I know that Dads all dream of walking their little girl down the aisle and I hated that I was robbing him of that. But we knew he wouldn’t get on a plane to fly to England for what Annie was calling a shotgun wedding. I kept reminding her that we didn’t have a baby on the way, despite this book being her baby. I promised him that we could go to the church in her hometown where her Grandparents and Great-Grandparents were married, the one she had her heart set on getting married at when she still lived at home, and he could walk her down to the aisle to me, even if it was just the three of us in the building. He replied by telling me that he had handed her over to me years ago and wished me luck. I know that despite her protests that there is a part of her that is sad that we decided to elope. She wanted to get the big dress, though she swore it wouldn’t be traditional, it would fit her personal style. She wanted to have all of her friends in fluffy dresses and watch her niece and nephew dance around like lunatics. We’d attended a fair number of weddings in our time together. Watched our friends all get married, some of them twice, and we just happily sat on the sidelines knowing that when the time was right it would happen. I was watching her sleep in Fiji while we were on vacation when I decided it was time. She looked so peaceful. So calm. She was rarely like that anymore. Always worrying about her career and mine, the book making things worse. She’d been like this before. Leading up to the first tour of our relationship, with the help of Lizzy, I’d convinced her to leverage what she was doing with her blog to make some money on it. Lizzy told her to follow me and go on the road, to watch out for Lyla, and see the world or at least part of it while she was at it. Frankie told her that her job would be waiting for her when she got back. She was hesitant. She didn't want to use our relationship to make money. So Lizzy and Frankie agreed to keep paying her and she would keep doing the social media for the bookshop and the pub. That finally got her to agree. She’d be earning her own spending money rather than relying solely on me to pay for the things she purchased. She came with to South America. Together we saw Machu Picchu and Christ the Redeemer. We danced in the streets of Buenos Aires in the moonlight as my Broadway-loving lady serenaded me with the music from Evita. We got drunk on caipirinhas and made love as the sun came up. She and Lyla grew even closer. It was the first time that it was just the two of them and not Kim, Lizzy, and Niki as well. She documented our life and travels on her blog. She photographed me on stage and told me that she fell more in love with me every night when I took the stage because I made so many people happy, just by being me. We survived the first part of the tour and she survived on the money she was making. I was sure it was going to work. She had no choice but to go to Ireland with me. The whole gang of misfits she called her friends were headed to the shows. Frankie, Niki, and Niall were excited to show her their home, even if none of them grew up in Dublin. She was determined she was going back to London after that trip until my Mum told her that she needed to be in Manchester to meet my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins. She still hasn’t ever been able to say no to my Mum. When we arrived home, she told me she wasn’t coming with me anymore. She felt like she needed to work and help pay our bills at home, something we’d fought about since she moved in. My heart broke getting on that plane for Sweden without her but I knew that my stubborn girl was not to be pushed to make a decision. I woke up the next morning and went about my day while constantly checking my cell phone for any message from her. It was mid-show that I realized she was down in front of the barricades with security and her camera. She told me that when she cried the whole night because she couldn’t sleep without me that she finally realized I was right, something she rarely, if ever admitted, even to this day. So she packed a bag, bought a ticket and told Niall to get her into the arena. By the time we hit our next stop she had already arranged sponsors for her blog and her anxiety started to decrease about money. Lizzy and Frankie both jumped on board. Weekly book recommendations with links to buy it online from the bookshop and regular videos of her making drinks in O’Brien's and if she was on the road she was in her cut up O’Brien’s shirt as I videotaped her. The first video she’d done was of those caipirinhas and now O’Brien’s was the only Irish Pub in all of London where you could get a Brazilian drink. It was when we got to Paris and I saw the way her face lit up seeing this city again that I realized for the first time that I wanted to marry her. I claimed to have work and snuck out of our hotel before the sun was even able to make an appearance for a private appointment at Tiffany & Co. I explained what I wanted, which wasn’t in the case, and they agreed to custom make an engagement ring and have it ready by the time we reached Italy and then our first night of our holiday, in front of my band and her friends I dropped on one knee and asked her to spend forever with me. The ring made her hesitate less about accepting money from me. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together and that ring meant that. I could’ve put a hair band around her ring finger and it would’ve meant the same but she deserved the dream ring and the dream proposal. I’d hoped originally that she’d get the dream wedding too. Maybe even convince her family to come to England and get married in Holmes Chapel. Or ship my whole family to the US and that church in her hometown. But then life happened. The band decided to take a break. I filmed a movie and recorded a debut record at the same time. All the while she was writing and still managing a social media client or two. She’d do speaking engagements on how to leverage social media to make money off of a blog. We worked and focused on our dreams, knowing that we’d eventually get married. We went through some of the happiest moments in life together and through some of the hardest. There wasn’t a day that I questioned if she’d be there to hold my hand, to listen and offer advice when needed or if all else fails make a crack about me having no magic due to being a Styles and not a Potter. I was her proofreader, her production assistant, and her knight in shining armor all rolled into one. We loved each other with everything we had no matter what. Then last fall she got the opportunity to publish this book. She’d always wanted to be an author, had even tried to write a novel once but chickened out on shopping it around. A friend that worked at a publishing house approached her about her photography and she jumped at the opportunity. I asked if I could write the introduction to the book. It was that night in Fiji, where I couldn’t sleep and she lay beside me as I wrote her introduction, that I knew I was done waiting for the time to be perfect, I just wanted to marry her. It was what I’d known in France that first trip, in Italy when I proposed, and if I was honest to myself what I knew when I walked in that little bookshop for the first time. I didn’t care whether she was in couture or converse, I just wanted to marry that girl. And now it was finally going to happen. “Yes, champagne in our hotel room. You two girls can chat about where we need to shop tomorrow so that you can get Kim a dress. And maybe you should buy yourself a dress,” I said raising my eyebrows at her. “I have my dress with me,” she replied frowning at me playfully. She had packed a short white, lace dress that she loved. She’d found it in Los Angeles when Lou and Gemma had made a trip to visit. She wore it with me to an award show that was a little bit more fun and thought it would be a dress she could wear for our wedding. “I still think that you should wear whatever color you want.” “What color is the dress?” Kim interrupted. “White,” we replied together. “And…wedding dresses are white,” Kim said. “I think she should wear black. When I think of the woman I want to marry, she’s still in that black maxi dress she had on the day I met her. The one with the slit up to her thigh and her tattoos on her shoulder showing.” “Harry.” She was staring me down. The tone of her voice the one she always had when she was frustrated with me. “I. Have. A. Dress.” “We can look at it when we get to the hotel and I can tell you if I think we need to find you a new dress,” Kim said. “Fine, let’s go back to the hotel,” Annie said. As we stood I helped her put her coat back on. “I love you,” I said. “I love you too,” she replied. We exited back onto the street and the car service was waiting. I would normally choose to walk through the city, as would Annie. But this trip was different. Our normal walks through cities when we traveled involved a few fans coming up and asking for pictures or autographs if they saw us. This time I wanted to make sure we avoided that as much as possible so that we were able to have the private moment for our wedding that we wanted. In the car, Annie watched out the window, occasionally snapping a photo of something that caught her eye. She almost always carried a purse big enough to fit one of her smaller cameras but tonight she was relying solely on her iPhone. I always loved when we’d get in bed at night when we were traveling or the first day home. She’d upload all of her photos and show them to me. And then I got to see the world the way she saw it for a little while. We pulled up in front of the hotel and quickly entered. I hurried to the front desk while everyone else requested the elevator. I asked the hotel to bring another bottle of champagne up to our suite. There had been one waiting when we arrived this afternoon but it didn’t take long for Annie and me to polish that off while calling our family to let them know we had arrived. We went into our room and the girls were quickly barefoot and on the couch with their iPads trying to come up with ideas of what to shop for. I sat down in the chair next to Nate. “So, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news mate, but you know you can’t legally get married in France. Right?” he inquired. He was speaking quietly so as not to disturb the girls. I laughed a little. “We do know that,” I replied. “We filed the proper paperwork back home and are going to just go to the courthouse on Monday to make it legal. We wanted to have something meaningful to both of us. We talked about it for a while too. We weighed a lot of options. Los Angeles, London, hell she suggested Vegas and New York at one point. But the reality of it is, we could do all of this without the legal part and still be happy. But for her to legally change her name on her passport we need a marriage certificate. When we were discussing eloping we decide that we wanted to do it here.” “Why? If it can’t be legal and you have to do it twice why not just get married at home?” “France, Paris more specifically, has been this place that’s meant a lot to our relationship. It was the first place we traveled together. We have so many traveling rituals that are all based on our first trip here. Her engagement ring came from Paris. It just felt right to both of us. She looked up stuff constantly when we were deciding. She cried her eyes out when she realized it couldn't be legal here. She even suggested that we just rent a flat and move here for a few months so that it could be legal. I just didn’t want to wait that long. So I convinced her that we could get married here for what we will think of as our wedding and then we’ll just do the legal bit back in London on Monday.” “I guess that makes sense. Wedding planning is a nightmare anyhow.” I chuckled a bit. Kim had been nutty planning their wedding. Her family was livid at the fact that she wasn’t getting married in the United States. She knew that their life was in London and wanted to get married there. It would’ve been tremendously difficult for her to plan a big wedding from an ocean away. She had a family member or two originally threaten not to come. But she held her ground and they all showed up. Her mother perhaps showed up too much. She made four trips in the 10 months that they planned the wedding. The last trip was for the three weeks prior to the wedding. I’d often wake up to Kim sitting at my kitchen island with Annie before 6:00 in the morning. Annie was usually slumped over trying not to fall asleep in her coffee while Kim ranted. She’d tell her mother that she had to work early and leave. I can only imagine how having a house guest for that long leading up to the most important day of your life thus far could be overly stressful. I’d learned how to make some fancy coffee drinks and a lot of breakfast options over that time period as I cooked for the girls and helped play amateur psychologist with Annie in the mornings. On top of the family drama surrounding their pending nuptials, there was a lot of work that went into the wedding. Nate’s family was huge. Each parent being one of at least four kids, his Dad the twin brother to Lizzy’s Dad. Their twins, Max and Jack are named after the Dads. The first time I met both of the Dads I was blown away, having not realized they were twins. It explained to me why Nate and Lizzy often looked like they could be brother and sister instead of cousins and why they were so close. They had been more like siblings as it was three girls in one family and three boys in the other. Kim had a large number of people making their first overseas trip for the wedding. All the work paid off. The wedding was fantastic and turned out perfect. And now they are raising quite an amazing little family. There was a knock at the door. I stood and went to let in the room service cart that had a bottle of champagne and some desserts for us. The girls finally put their iPads down long enough to let me pop the bottle of champagne and fill the glasses up for them. “What do you need me to do for this whole thing?” Nate asked me. “Just be there. We don’t really want anyone to have to do anything which is why we went with this plan. Those two I’m sure will drag us all around the city tomorrow to find the perfect dress for Kim. So perhaps we will have to either sneak away for a drink at some point or just enjoy a day of our girls playing dress up.” “That I can handle.” I looked across the room at our girls. They were back on their iPads now. Champagne in one hand and a fork full of cake in the other. “Now that we’ve found some ideas on what we should be looking at for me let’s look at something for you. I mean not that what you wear is as important as what I wear or anything,” Kim said. Annie nearly choked on her bite of cake laughing. She stood up from the couch and grabbed the dress quickly going into the bathroom to change. “Does she not want to wear white?” Kim asked me. “I think she thinks she’s supposed to wear white. When we first got engaged and she lived in that Pinterest app on the road, most of the dresses she looked at had color and weren’t white. Either something very edgy and black or sort of a pinkish color. But for some reason when it finally came time to plan something she thought she should just wear something she already owned that was white. It baffles me. It’s not who she is. I’m still shocked she actually wore it to an awards show. Don’t get me wrong, she looks stunning in the dress, but it’s just not her.” “She’s never one to do something because it’s conventional,” Nate said. “Doesn’t seem much like my girl Belle to do that.” “Not at all,” I replied. “Well, maybe the three of us can tag team her tonight and tomorrow and get her to wear something that is more fitting of her personality,” Kim said. “I mean admittedly, I’m traditional. Wedding dresses are supposed to be white. But just because I think it should be white doesn’t mean that’s the way it always has to be. She should embrace her own personality. And if you, as her groom, think she should be in something that exemplifies who she is, then she should listen to you. The only opinion that matters tomorrow other than hers is yours.” The door opened and she walked out in the dress. It was gorgeous on her despite my feelings on it being her wedding dress. It was pretty short and had sleeves that went just beyond her elbows. It was a lot of lace and very form fitting. Not something I would’ve imagined her wearing for our wedding at any point in our relationship. “You look really pretty…but no,” Kim said. I smiled. She would normally have said yes to this. The dress was something Kim had texted Annie about from her couch as she watched Red Carpet coverage of the award show that night. She had loved it and loved that Annie went so far from her normal style and wore white. “No?” Annie asked. “Nope. I mean, I love the dress. I’ve loved the dress since you text me from the fitting room and since you wore it to the AMAs but no. This just isn’t what YOU would normally pick for YOUR wedding. So let’s get something that screams ANNIE when someone sees it.” “Are we all sure about this?” she timidly asked. “Yes,” the rest of us in the room said. “Love, when we first got engaged you looked at things that were the polar opposite of traditional wedding attire. Embrace that.” “Are you really sure about that, babe?” she asked. She wanted so badly to make me happy with what she wore and it was ridiculous. “You could show up in ripped jeans and a t-shirt and I’d still marry you. Get something that is more you.” “Okay. Well, I guess we have more shopping to do tomorrow than I originally thought.” She shrugged her shoulders with a laugh. I stood and followed her into the bathroom knowing that the zipper on this dress was tricky. “You know that I’ve only suggested that you find a new dress because I love you and want you to be your authentic self when we commit to each other. If you want to wear this dress on Monday when we go to the courthouse that is fine.” “Thank you for pushing me to do what is going to make me happiest. I just felt like if we are being so untraditional that I should maybe embrace the white dress thing.” “Hell no. Embrace the be you thing you normally do.” I unzipped the dress and kissed her shoulder. “I am going to love you no matter the color of your dress or hair.” She laughed at my comment. She’d thought about coloring her hair brown again, something closer to her natural color and the color she had when we first started dating. She currently had platinum blonde hair. A month ago it was pink. Last fall it was a grayish lavender. She had been having fun and I loved that she still allowed herself to do that instead of falling in line with what a typical 37-year-old woman was supposed to do. She lived life how she wanted to live it and I fell for her more and more every day. “I had thought about having Louise change my hair color while we were home last week but we were in town for such a short period of time that I hesitated. And then thought, do I really want generations later of our family to go ‘Why did Aunt Annie have mermaid hair for her wedding?’. So I figured I’d just wait and do it this week. We’ve got a little time now that we are going to be home for a few months without any extended trips.” “You’re happy about that aren’t you?” “So happy. I mean while our house in Los Angeles is beautiful, amazing and everything I dreamed a house could be…London is home.” “I know it is. I’m excited to be back home for a while too.” I kissed her softly before leaving her to change out of her dress. I opened the door to see Kim finishing her glass of champagne. “We are going back to our room,” she announced. “A kid free night is rare for you two. Enjoy it. And by enjoy it I don’t just mean fall asleep with the TV on.” “I wasn’t planning on it mate. We will see you two in the morning to go shopping,” Nate said as they stood up to leave the room. “Sugar, we are alone now,” I called as the door shut. I heard the door of the bathroom open and turned to see her in a black nightgown I hadn’t noticed she took into the bathroom with her. “Still make my heart stop.” She blushed before coming up to me and standing on her tip toes trying to kiss me. My hands slid the silk of her nightgown before sneaking beneath it and grabbing her ass. She moaned quietly into my mouth. “You make mine race,” she whispered. I bit her lip slightly. I led her towards the bed and as my knees hit the mattress they buckled, me landing on my back with her on top of me. My hands were resting on her rib cage. She wasn’t lying. Her heart was racing. She sat up and began to unbutton my shirt before going for my belt. I struggled to get my boots off. I finally flipped her onto her back and stood so I could get rid of my boots and my pants. She crawled to her knees so she could finish removing my shirt. I crawled back onto the bed with her moving us towards the headboard. Our kisses were hungry. Our hands roamed each other’s body. We laid under the covers kissing for what felt like hours before I had enough of the foreplay. I hovered above her and looked into her eyes. The eyes I’d fallen in love with the first time I’d seen them. They changed colors based on her mood and her clothing. Surrounded by soft white sheets and her pale skin they were a light blue but shown so brightly. “I love you. Always have, always will,” I said softly before kissing her. Her breathing hitched as I entered her slowly. Her legs instinctively moving around mine and her ankles hooking together. Her hands moved from my hair to my shoulders to my chest. I felt her fingers tweak my nipples, it was her signal to me. She often played out on me what she wanted for herself. I broke the kiss and looked down at her smiling before kissing down her neck and taking her nipple between my lips and then teeth. She moaned. My pace was slow and steady. Her moan changed slightly, it was my signal. She was ready for me to speed up, I wasn’t ready to yet. “Slow down.” “But…but…I don’t want to.” “Well, I’m not ready to speed up.” “Please.” She was begging. “You feel so good. I don’t want it to end.” I thrust harder into her and held my hips against hers. Her breathing became ragged. “You're enjoying torturing me,” she said as I pulled back nearly removing myself from her before slamming into her again. “You like when I torture you.” Her muscles tightened around me. “I…I do like it when you torture me.” Normally when I behaved liked like this she could typically reach orgasm more than once. I watched her eyes roll back into her head and saw her chest rising and falling quickly. And then she hit it, her first orgasm. As her breathing slowed and she finally opened her eyes I started to speed up my movements. She glared at me. She was hoping I’d allow her to catch her breath a little before sending her into the spiral of her second orgasm, instead, I was eager to see her come apart in front of me again. “I…I…I…hate you when you do this.” “No, you don’t.” I bent down and captured her lips with mine. I inched back and opened my eyes. She was staring in them. “I love you,” she breathed. “I love you,” I replied before kissing her again. She bit my lip as I moved faster again until we both started to fall back down from our high. I laid my head on her chest listening to her heartbeat and breathing. She ran her fingers through my hair for a few minutes, nearly lulling me to sleep until she nudged me off of her and went into the bathroom. She reappeared a few moments later with her hair in a messy bun and her makeup off. She crawled under the covers next to me and laid her head on my chest. “I’m really happy, Harry,” she said quietly. “I am too. I’m glad we are finally ready to do this.” “Me too,” she responded. “Me too.” “Nate did point out that we can’t legally get married here.” “I knew we couldn’t pull the wool over his eyes.” “I told him that you really had your heart set on Paris so we were going to do it here so that our photos and our memories are here.” “I still would’ve moved here for a few months so we could’ve done it legally.” “I know, but I’m glad we don’t have to do that. If we are going to be back on this side of the planet we may as well live in our house in London.” “I know.” She sighed. “It doesn't matter where it happens really, though I am excited that we are here for it.” “As am I,” I replied. “And then on Monday, you can put on that little white dress that you think you need to wear and we can go to the courthouse and then submit the paperwork to change your passport.” “Yes, changing my passport. Annie Styles. It doesn’t sound too terrible.” “It sounds like music to me.” She laughed at me and moved to kiss me. “Let’s get some sleep.” “Okay. I love you.” “And I love you.” One more kiss and she put her head on my chest again and I listened to her breathing change as she drifted off to sleep.

Okay...so I am blown away at how the first chapter back into this has sparked interest in the story again. I wanted to give an end to this story that these characters deserved. The chapters have been coming to me easier than anything I've been writing in the last few years and it almost makes me sad that an end is coming. I'd originally intended the end to be three chapters and then got REALLY long winded with this chapter and realized it needed to be split in two. So there will be another Harry chapter coming because I'd mapped it out to be in his point of view. I don't think anyone will mind a little extra Harry. It's been fun falling back into this story.

In regards to the chapter title and song title, I felt it was appropriate to finally use some 1D songs and each of these last chapters will have a song from Made in the AM.

So let me know what you think. I'm anxious to know what everyone's reaction is to where this story is ending. Do you have any predictions for what will happen? Any thoughts? And would you be interested in a one-shot series that told the story of the 7 years that were advanced in this story? I had a one-shot series started that I intended to use to tell the tidbits of the characters lives before the first chapter of London Calling that I have a few pieces in and a lot of ideas. It could be expanded to cover the missing pieces of life before the snowy weekend and between the two trips to Paris. Let me know if you'd be interested in me expanding Always In My Head - A London Calling Series to include more stories of these characters. Always In My Head was never intended to only be from Harry and Annie's perspectives, so it could have Kim, Nate, Lyla, Niall, or anyone else from their lives. Just let me know what you think as I am on the fence of closing this up completely and moving on to something else.

As always find me on Twitter, Kik (raybandsandcoffee - that typo will forever bother me) or message me here. You can also find it one Harry Styles Fanfiction. Hell, I'll even accept emails if you prefer, you can email me at raybansandcoffee@yahoo.com (or find me on Yahoo Messenger).

[dailrpwmf-blog]

From Whom can I purchase health ins over 65 years & not eligible for Medicare?

From Whom can I purchase health ins over 65 years & not eligible for Medicare?

My spouse is over 65 and will be getting residency USA and is not eligible for Medicare nor am I. From whom can we purchase health insurance?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSURANCECOMPAREQUOTES.US

SOURCES:

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[qkantyjk-blog]

No health insurance and need a hystroctomy?

No health insurance and need a hystroctomy?

my mother has been having bad bleading and cloting she has been told by a dr that she needs a hystroctomy but she doesnt qualify for the state health insurance even though she has no income and hasnt for some time. i feel at a loss i dont know what to do i live in another country and have a young child so i cant be there to take care of this. what can she do she has been ill for so long its heart breaking she live in oregon if that helps

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