#she just won't have any crush towards her superior

[morteisshipping]

Haven't titled this yet (if anyone has a good idea, pls let me know)

Hi. This is the S-Class Spy X Family AU idea that has been brewing in my head being turned into a something of a first chapter. Not a whole chapter ofc, I'm still confused whether I should use Yerim or Gyeol as their child (them being Hyunjae and Yoojin ofc).

So anyways, enjoy this snippet of the first chapter. I want to know if it's good before I post them to AO3.

Enjoy!

It’s been a bad day for Han Yoojin.

First, last night, his “clients” didn’t want to stay dead so Yoojin needs to make sure they did. Unfortunately, that makes the crime scene too bloody that Yoojin needs to spent some extra time to be meticulous on his “cleaning”. After all, cleaning up blood splatters on carpets and ceiling is a full-on laborious job. Because of that, Yoojin had to come home at early hours in the morning and only gotten three hours of sleep before he had to get up and get to his “real” job.

Second, his alarm’s battery was dead so he got up late. He works in the City Hall as an admin staff and he wasn’t supposed to be late, but luckily, his supervisor, Song Taewon, just sighed and let it go on the grounds that Yoojin had only been late this once. Third, his coworkers kept messing up their works and piled them on Yoojin.

And the final straw on the camel’s back, just before he can clock out, his boss, Woo Dongwon, asked Yoojin specifically to send a package to Foreign Ministry’s secretary, Suk Shimyoung—who is also working for his younger brother, Han Yoohyun.

“But sir,” Yoojin grits out desperately. “My brother and I don’t get along. Please get somebody else to do it.”

Woo Dongwon sighs, “I would if there’s anyone else to do it, Han Yoojin-ssi. As you can see, everyone else has already clocked out.” He says. “Besides, you don’t have to directly give it to your brother. Just give it to his secretary—what’s his name, Suk Shimyoung?”

“But Song Taewon-ssi is still here,” Yoojin points out. “And I don’t want to get involved Suk Shimyoung—he can be a real asshole if he wants to be.”

“I will need Song Taewon to run a different errand later,” Woo Dongwon says. “Anyways, you can just clock out now, deliver the package on your way home, and then went home afterwards. Just leave the package to the receptionist or something if you don’t want to see anyone. Besides, even though you and your brother don’t get along, surely, he wouldn’t be so unprofessional as to not accepting an important package from the City Hall.”

You don’t know him like I do, Han Yoojin thought bitterly as Woo Dongwon dismisses him. Yoojin stares at the innocent brown package that had been shoved into his arms by his boos. There is really no way out of this, isn’t it? After everything that had happened today, he is not sure he has the energy to explain to Kim Sunghan and Suk Shimyoung again that he is not here to see Han Yoohyun.

But then again, if they refuse to accept the package, Yoojin could’ve thrown them into their gate and run before they can accuse him of being a terrorist or something. It’s not his fault if the Foreign Ministry refuses an important package from the City Hall.

The way to the Foreign Ministry was uneventful, but it filled Yoojin with anxiety nonetheless.

Yoojin stares at the window on his way to the ministry on the cable car. He knew this road by heart. When Han Yoohyun had insisted he moved out of their childhood home three years ago, he drafted himself into the military against Yoojin’s wishes, and then he was recruited into the Foreign Ministry.

Yoojin supposed, he should be glad that his brother had become independent and found a good job that pays well. But the fact remains that they both had fallen out when Yoohyun drafted himself into the military against his wishes.

Han Yoohyun spent six months in the military without a single letter coming Yoojin’s way. If Yoojin hadn’t been friends with Yoo Myeongwoo—a talented informant and inventor—he wouldn’t have known that Yoohyun had finished his military obligation and was recruited into the Foreign Ministry.

Han Yoojin used to walk through this road, going to the Foreign Ministry building, day after day, week after week, month after month, just trying to meet with Yoohyun. And day after day, week after week, month after month, he was rejected.

Han Yoohyun doesn’t want to see him. He doesn’t even have the gall to say it to his face but always had Suk Shimyoung or Kim Sunghan deliver the message to him. But Yoojin was nothing if not persistent.

Day after day, week after week, month after month—he keeps coming and he keeps getting kicked out. Until finally Suk Shimyoung and Kim Sunghan got tired of him and let him in, just for the sake of not having Yoojin keep coming back like a persistent blight in their eyes.

“You’re in the way, hyung,” Han Yoohyun had said when Yoojin finally got permission to meet him to ask for explanation. “You should know your place and just stay at home.”

Han Yoojin understood. That’s why they both had went their separate ways. He hadn’t thrown a tantrum. He hadn’t gotten angry. He hadn’t cried. All he felt that day was just a bone-crushing exhaustion.

“I understand,” Han Yoojin had said that day. “Then let’s annul our family register, Yoohyun-ah.”

He had hoped—a teeny-tiny spark of damned hope—that Han Yoohyun would take it all back, to beg Yoojin to stay with him, to let them both stay a family. After all, after the early death of their parents, they were all what they have of each other. They had been brothers like no other.

But that didn’t happen.

Yoojin had raised Yoohyun like his own son. Yoojin dropped out of the school to work to support Yoohyun’s studies. Yoojin took up the mantle as both mother and father. Yoojin had recruited himself into an underground group of assassins, risking his life every night, just to make sure Yoohyun has everything he needed—all of it was for Yoohyun.

And what did he get in return? Yoohyun willingly abandoned him.

As per his request, Yoohyun wordlessly annulled their family register, separating them both as two separate entities and no longer one family. He made a copy for each of them and wordlessly handed Yoojin his own separate family register. Yoojin had stared at the lone name on the Han family register—his own name—and wordlessly left.

If Han Yoohyun had cried after his departure, Yoojin hadn’t hear it.

After that, Han Yoojin had sold their childhood home. Using that money, he rented a dingy apartment in the centre of the city, near the City Hall where he works, and invited Yoo Myeongwoo to stay with him to split the bill (and maybe to make sure he’s not alone in a large space—it would’ve driven him crazy).

That had been two years since then. Life has treated him fine. It was lonely without his brother, but with Yoo Myeongwoo and his night job, Yoojin kept busy. He hasn’t had much time to dwell on the silence of his apartment. Besides, Yoo Myeongwoo is a good friend. When Yoojin came home all bloody and injured from a particularly bad “client”, Yoojin had no choice but to reveal his true “job” to Myeongwoo.

Yoo Myeongwoo is not only accepting—he’s also very accommodating. Ever since he knew of Yoojin’s secret job, Myeongwoo had been inventing new gadgets, new tools, brewing new batches of poisons, and repairing his weapons—all for free—to help Yoojin on his night job. Yoojin is forever grateful that he has a friend like Yoo Myeongwoo, who not only help him, but also keep his sanity at bay.

Yoojin has never have any reason to come back to the Foreign Ministry again.

At least until now.

Yoojin’s reveries is broken when the cable car slows to a stop. From where he sits, Yoojin can already see the top roof of the Foreign Ministry building peeking out from the windows directly opposite him. His view is soon obstructed by some crowds getting up from their seats to get off.

Yoojin sighs and stretches—trying to stall. But if he stalls longer than this, the cable car might run again and he had to take the longer route and he’ll be home late again. All he wants to do now is go home and have dinner with Myeongwoo, so…

“Let’s get this over with.”

-

Yoojin hasn’t even stepped foot at the front of the gate of the Foreign Ministry building when his dark eyes meet with Kim Sunghan’s. They both make a face when they recognize each other from afar.

“Han Yoojin-ssi,” Kim Sunghan greets—not amicably, mind you. His face is still folded in the mix of disgust, dismay, and exasperation.

“Kim Sunghan-ssi,” Yoojin returns the greetings back to the guard—his face a mixed of dismay and irritation as it wordlessly screams ‘I don’t want to be here’. He’s been hoping that it won’t be Sunghan’s guarding shift when he arrived, but it seems he’s just hoping for too much.

“Long time no see,” Kim Sunghan says dryly—making sure that Han Yoojin knows that he is not missed during the long while that he didn’t visit the Foreign Ministry. “What is it that you want this time?” He asks warily. “Your brother is out on an errand and won’t be back until nightfall.”

Hearing that, Yoojin lets out a relieved sigh. At least, if Yoohyun is out for an errand until nightfall, there is no chance of Yoojin running into him. Honestly, Yoojin doesn’t know what he’ll say or do if he were to run into Yoohyun at this time. He is not sure he could keep it together then.

Yoojin clears his throat, making sure that his disdain also shows. “It’s a business visit this time,” he says.

Kim Sunghan raises a sceptical eyebrow. “Oh?”

Yoojin pulls out the brown package from his bag. “My boss wanted me to drop this off here,” he says as he walks closer to give the package to Sunghan. “Don’t ask what it is or why I’m the one being sent—I have no idea.”

Kim Sunghan received the package with a hum as he carefully inspects it. He might be Yoojin’s source of irritation, since he’s the one who usually booted him out of the building, but he is also a competent guard for Foreign Ministry. “Does he say who it’s addressed to?”

Yoojin shrugs. “No. He just says generally that it’s addressed for Suk Shimyoung or Yoohyun-ah. But he also says I can just leave it at the receptionist so it mustn’t have been too important.”

“I see,” Sunghan hums as he keeps his eyes on the brown package. “Well, thank you for dropping this off. I’ll send a word to Suk Shimyoung when he arrives—”

He is cut off by the arrival of a black government car. They both froze when the car pulls over at the front of the gate. It’s like a slow-motion video for Yoojin. All car doors open simultaneously and everyone comes out at the same time. The two people that Yoojin recognize reveal themselves. Suk Shimyoung—who frowns in disdain seeing Yoojin’s presence—and Han Yoohyun.

The boy whom Yoojin had raised looks up at him—his face betraying nothing but dismay at his presence.

What are the chances? Yoojin trembles. What are the chances that Han Yoohyun finishing his errand early and arrives exactly at the same time that Yoojin dropped by to leave a package that has nothing to do with them both?

“Hyung,” Yoojin gulps at the familiar calling. “What are you doing here?”

Yoojin opens his mouth but nothing comes out.

Suk Shimyoung sighs and Yoojin reflexively flinches. “I thought you made it clear that you both are no longer family, Han Yoojin-ssi? Why is it that you have to burden your brother with your presence all over again?” Suk Shimyoung says with no small amount of disdain on his face, like usual. “I thought we have clearly established this boundary that you are not to visit the Foreign Ministry again.”

It’s not that, Yoojin wants to explain; he is just here to run an errand, it has nothing to do with both of them. Yoojin opens and closes his mouth like a fish but the words he wants to say are stuck in his throat.

“Hyung,” Yoohyun calls and Yoojin fights his own instinct to prevent himself to do something stupid, like hugging him or crying openly in public. “I thought I told you not to come here again.”

Their dark eyes met. Han Yoohyun’s cold eyes stared down at him. Yoojin’s breath caught in his throat and he feels like he couldn’t breathe. They hadn’t met in two years that Yoojin had forgotten what it was like to be hated by someone whom he’s loved so deeply.

“You’re not wanted here.” Han Yoohyun’s last words is the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

Han Yoojin turns and runs. He doesn’t know to where—all he knows is that he needs to go away. Far away from there. Anywhere but there.

He keeps running until his lungs demand oxygen again and at that point Han Yoojin can’t help but inhale with a sob. He doesn’t know what his face look like—he just knows that he is a mess. Tears already running down his face as he sobs openly, running to who knows where. He turns into a corner and into the open road—he hopes that a cable car would run into him.

Instead, his tearful eyes meet a pool of gold.

-

“It’s been three weeks!”

“And I’ll have them by the end of this week. Be patient.”

“You can’t just say ‘be patient’! Do you think the higher ups will be happy with this?!”

Sung Hyeonje pulls the handheld phone away from his ears as Evelyn yells through the gadget. “I don’t know what else you want me to say, Evelyn. You know I can’t just pick up any strangers from the streets to be the mother of my child—”

“Well, at least you can pretend to look for candidates!” Evelyn nags. “At this point, the higher ups are questioning your loyalty to the cause!”

“If it’s too much for you, you can direct them to me,” Hyeonje sighs. “Like I said, if they want this to work well, I can’t just pick up any stragglers from the streets—” He cuts off as someone bumps him from the corner of a building. The other person who bumps into him loses their balance and gasps in surprise as they started to fall. Out of reflex, Hyeonje puts an arm out to rebalance the person back to their feet.

Hyeonje blinks. Where did this person come from? He hadn’t sense him at all. The fact that someone is able to bump into him is amazing in itself. He has an amazing sense of presence—he should’ve been able to pick up their presence before this person can bump into him.

The shorter person with dark hair whom he had caught looks up with an apologetic look. His breath is ragged, his face and neck flushes with rosy hue, his youthful face wet with tears running down his cheeks.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, trying to pull away and rubbing at his face in an attempt to gather himself together. It was obvious he has just cried. “I was in a hurry.”

The man has a soft figure, rounded face, soft jawline, wide black eyes (like a doe), rosy cheeks (probably due to his crying earlier), pink supple lips, and a slender body. All in all, the man in his arms is definitely alluring enough even without the traces of tears on his face that makes him looks especially vulnerable that it makes Hyeonje wants to do nothing but devour him.

However, Hyeonje can’t be fooled. Though his overall figure is slender and soft, the skin underneath his jacket hides firm muscles; the hand he holds has calluses—specifically from knives—more specifically, from daggers. The way people hold kitchen knives and daggers are different, after all. This person in his arms is an assassin in disguise.

Hyeonje smiles. He has found his spouse.

“Not at all, it was my fault,” he says lightly. Evelyn is still shouting in his phone, but Hyeonje ignores her and clicks his phone off before putting them away in his pocket and instead pulling out a handkerchief. Carefully, he offered the handkerchief to the shorter man before him.

“Are you okay?” He asked instead. “Let me help you.”

The shorter man blinks before stepping back and shaking his head to gather himself together. “No, no, really. It’s really nothing you should worry yourself with—” He hurriedly rubbed his red-rimmed eyes with his cuff-sleeve before Hyeonje cuts him off by taking one of his hands and puts his handkerchief in them.

“Please,” he says with as much charm as he can, caressing the calluses on his finger. The hand of an assassin. “I insist.”

The shorter man sniffles and looks away as he timidly accepts his handkerchief and uses them to pat his red face and eyes dry.  

Hyeonje’s smile sharpens dangerously. There is no doubt about it now. This man in front of him right now is secretly an assassin. He remembers what Evelyn had said to him during briefing the last time they met to talk about Operation Strix:

“Listen to me, Hyeonje,” Evelyn had said. “There is a group of underground assassins that operates in Ostania called The Immorals.”

Hyeonje’s amused smile hadn’t fade, “What a cliché name.”

“It is an unofficial paramilitary organization and its purpose is to purge all the traitors of the country under orders from shadow government.” Evelyn had said to him. “Be careful, Hyeonje. They are known to be powerful. There are numerous assassins working under the Immorals, but they usually work alone. There are rumours that one of their soldiers can wipe out an entire troop of military.”

“I only believe what my eyes has seen,” Hyeonje said with a carefree smile. “But thank you, Evelyn. I’ll keep that in mind.” Evelyn just rolled her eyes.

After that, Evelyn had given him some information that she could gather about the assassins under The Immorals. To his dismay, the group is so tightly controlled that Evelyn couldn’t get any mugshots—only codenames, their status, their modus operandi, and their specialty weapons. However, that is already plenty for Hyeonje.

According to the list Evelyn had given him, there are only a few of the assassins under The Immorals are still currently active nowadays.

“Let me take you to dinner, at least.” Hyeonje says, taking the man’s hand that is still clutching his handkerchief and lifting it to his lips. The only active assassin in Ostania who is known to only wield knives as their favourite weapon would be only one person:

“Dear Honey.”

As Hyeonje enunciates that infamous codename, he watches as the man’s expression turns from embarrassment to horrified understanding. The man’s red face quickly pales in fear and Hyeonje can feel his breath sharpens and his body trembles.

The infamous assassin, Honey; no one in the underworld who doesn’t tremble upon the name. Honey is infamous in the underworld as a professional assassin who takes care of corrupt politicians and any illegal trafficking. He is famous for his favourite weapon—poison-laced daggers. The name maybe sweet, but it was in total 180 degrees with his choice of weapon. Despite his job, Honey is very efficient and effective in cleaning up bodies—he never leaves a speck of blood on the crime scene. It was as if it never happens.

This is the kind of person Sung Hyeonje wants. Someone competent and experienced. Able to protect himself and support him if needed. But also…

“What do you want?” the smaller man finally grits out after a pregnant pause.

Hyeonje hums slowly, deliberately messing with him, “Nothing much.” He says. “Just your small cooperation.” This man has a family.

According to the documents he’d been reading, Honey first enters the shady assassin business when he was as young as 13 years old—and he did it to raise and support his only family. His brother. Sung Hyeonje doesn’t know who his brother is yet—if Honey can give him his own name, he can look it up later. It’ll be easier to manipulate him if Hyeonje has a leverage against him.

Plus, if he has experience in raising someone, surely, he’d be a useful resource to help him raise his own family later.

Hyeonje watches as his adam’s apple bobs in nervousness and the way his expression turns from fear to a cautious apprehension. “And if I say no?” He asks with no small amount of trepidation.

Hyeonje’s smile sharpens. “Then I will have no choice but to find you myself,” he says. “But I make no promises that you will be intact when I do find you in different circumstances.”

The man grits his teeth. His hand in Hyeonje’s tightens. “Is that a threat?”

“It’s a warning,” Hyeonje says, smile still in place. “Unless you give me what I ask.”

“And what is that?”

“A name,” Hyeonje answers easily. “And dinner.”

The man frowns sharply at him—obviously considering his options. “You know, I could always rat you off myself,” he says. “If I give you what you want, what’s in it for me?”

“Well, first off, you get to keep your life,” Hyeonje says, leaning further into the man’s personal space. They are so close now that Hyeonje can smell the man’s shampoo as he teases the shell of his ear with his breath. “But if you want more incentive, I can always spare your family’s.”

The man bares his teeth—in contrast to his soft features. “Do not touch my family.”

“I won’t,” Hyeonje says. “If you would give me your name and promise me dinner.”

The man stares at him with hatred—Hyeonje bets he wishes he has his knives right now. But even if he had, this man is no match with him. And Hyeonje knew this smaller man had considered it an option before knowing that it doesn’t worth the fight.

Knowing the man needs to push than that, Hyeonje slowly releases his hand and, with deliberate slowness as to not spook him, he unclasps the WISE brooch from the lapel of his red coat. Still with deliberate slowness, he pulls a handkerchief from his inner pocket of his coat and neatly folded the brooch before giving it towards the smaller man.

With confusion, the man accepts it, knowing he had no choice. Hyeonje smiles at the confusion in the man’s dark eyes. “Consider this a token of trust,” he says. “I will be waiting for you at Royal Hotel restaurant tonight 7 P.M. sharp.” Then as fast as lightning, he takes the man’s waist and whispers at his ears, “If you fail to show up, I’ll come find you myself. I’ll give you a day head start.”

It’s as good as a threat as it is a warning. Hyeonje felt the man shudder in his arms but the man grins, welcoming it with challenge in his eyes. “You’re welcome to try,” he grits out between his teeth, clutching his brooch in his hand.

With that, Hyeonje steps back and takes his unoccupied hand to his lips. “Then I will see you again tonight, dear…?”

The man clearly considering his options, whether or not to give out his name, but finally with a click of his tongue and an expression of annoyance, he says, “Yoojin.”

Hyeonje smiles, more friendly. “Then, my dear Yoojin, I will see you tonight.” He says before giving another kiss to his knuckles.

It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t give him his family name. A personal name and a short background history check is all he needed to know.

[]

That's all for now. If you're curious about this, you can check me out later in AO3, my username is morte_is_writing and I wrote other fandoms other than S-Classes too.

Thanks for reading and if you have ideas on title, plot, settings, or anything, drop them in the notes. Thank you so much!

me to my followers:

[dark-konohagakure2]

sephiroth forcing himself on a girlie thats too shy to talk to him?

tw: noncon, power imbalance, size difference, humiliation, degradation, semi-public sex, misogyny, victim blaming, verbal abuse

All characters depicted are 18+

Sephiroth is well aware of his little fanclub of swooning fangirls who are all head over heals in love with him, he doesn't hate it, but he certainly doesn't like it either, he treats their existence with the same passive indifference that one would treat ants on a sidewalk, uncaring if they are there or not, Sephiroth has about as many love confessions under his belt as he does inches of hair on his head, but none of these women interest him very much.

That is the case for a while until his keen senses pick up on someone following him, he initially assumes it's just Hojo coming to pester him again, or Zack coming to ask him more idiotic questions, but instead he catches a glimpse of a girl peeking at him from around the corner, only to quickly hide when he turns around. Being a trained SOLIDER from birth, Sephiroth immediately assumes hostile intent from her, what other reason would she have to follow him whilst concealing her presence?

He'll almost immediately confront her, although not in a brutish manner, no, a man like Sephiroth is one to use cold intimidation over such savage tactics. He'll corner the little spy rather quickly, placing his gloved hand on the wall next to her head as he asks her what exactly she thinks she's doing. He'll watch as she flounders about like a fish on land, struggling to get a single word out as her face turns a bright red, that when Sephiroth will notice a very interesting looking note clutched to her chest.

Sephiroth will pluck the note from her hands the moment he sees it, holding it out of her reach with his superior height, ignoring her protests and pleas as he begins to read it, sneering at the flowery words and shoddy handwriting, it's pitiful how little effort she put into confessing her silly feelings to one as important as Sephiroth. He'll make it clear that her little crush is nothing but delusional wishful thinking, but that won't stop him from taking advantage of it, and of her.

"Oh... How cute. Did you really think a few scribbles on paper would be enough to win me over? How pathetic. But I suppose I can give you what you so clearly want..."

He'll pay no mind to her protests as he rips her shirt open right on the spot, Sephiroth doesn't see why she's protesting, she said she likes him, and now she doesn't? Are all woman this indecisive? Sephiroth has never really understood women, or men either for that matter, he's always had trouble understanding those beneath him, but none of that matters to him now, all that matters is giving this cute little stalker exactly what she deserves.

Sephiroth isn't gentle with her at all, it's just not in his nature to treat anyone with kindness, not even an innocent young woman who's only crime is having a crush. He'll cover her mouth with a large leather clad hand as his hips snap into her's from behind, fucking her just around the corner of the hallway and in the blind spot of the many security cameras in Shinra's hallways.

Despite forcing her to be silent, Sephiroth won't do the same, instead he'll whisper venomous insults into her ear, telling her that she's no different than his other admirers, that this is the most attention any man would deign to give her, and how this is what she wanted from him, so she should be grateful, he's practically a saint for humoring her pitifully misguided affection towards him, an affection that definitely won't replace after this encounter, instead being replaced with fear.

He'll be finished with her rather quickly, as if his body itself is in a hurry to be done with her, Sephiroth won't care if he cums directly inside her, even if he doesn't knock her up, she should be grateful for his attention and his seed, he doesn't give that to just anyone, only the shy little brats who don't know how to talk to people like a big girl.

"Hmpf, I have no more use for you. Now go back to your little hovel like a good girl, unless you want more of my attentions, that is..."

Sephiroth will watch her leave without another word, showing faint amusement at the sight of her limping away, her pussy leaking his semen as she does. He finds her very amusing, in fact he might even consider using his high standing in Shinra to get her alone again.

[tenebraevesper]

Sonic Cyber Revolution, Entry 72: Darker Side Of Me

''I should've never stеpped away from all the hardships I have savеd! Fell into all these cruel mistakes, reliving all I've ever paved! In all the choices led astray to all the outcomes of today, you know I won't become the darker side of me (darker side of me)!''

– Darker Side Of Me by Victor McKnight ft. Johnny Gioeli of Crush 40 (Sonic the Hedgehog 3)

xXxXxXx

Shadow took a deep breath as he landed in front of the Codex Research Facility, his wings folding as he stared at the derelict building with an unreadable expression. This place was the source of his most painful memories and experiences, and he disliked returning here unless it was completely necessary. He didn't need to relive any of those horrible moments where he was treated as less than a living being who had his own feelings and desires, his own hopes and dreams.

I won't be staying here for too long. I just need to find the Chaos Emerald.

With this resolve, Shadow walked into the building. He hadn't noticed Doom's Eye having caught up to him, observing him carefully as the dark hedgehog vanished into the facility. The alien was well aware of Shadow's connection to this place and the traumatic events he had experienced. This was something that he could take advantage of, as the anger and bitterness that fueled Shadow would serve as a way to make him lose himself, allowing for Black Doom to take control of him. Doom's Eye quickly followed Shadow inside the building.

xXx

Touka sighed in annoyance, feeling irked that she had to resign herself to her fate of being imprisoned on the Black Comet in the middle of the Black Arms invasion of Neos City, leaving Team Neos without her support and Shadow being forced by Black Doom to collect the Chaos Emeralds in order to keep her safe. Touka was well aware that Shadow was under immense pressure to save her, knowing that he would be suffering from a one-track mind and refuse any offer of help from any of their friends or allies. She silently hoped that Shadow would accept any help he was offered, as this wasn't something he could do on his own. Her little brother might be incredibly mistrustful towards people, but he had been opening his heart little by little, so even if she couldn't be there for him, she was certain that there was someone who would remind Shadow that he wasn't alone. A weak smile spread on her lips, as she knew that Sonic would be the one to knock some sense into Shadow, given their close relationship and Sonic's refusal to let Shadow spiral.

She wished there was a way for her to escape the Black Comet, but she knew it would be impossible to do that without having some aid. There were Black Arms everywhere, and while Black Doom said that she would be safe, she had a feeling he wouldn't be so merciful if he saw that she was gone. So, in the end, there was absolutely nothing she could do, besides trying to survive for Shadow's sake.

Touka lifted her head when she heard footsteps, wondering who it was. To surprise, Eclipse was the one who walked into the room. She did feel a little relieved that it wasn't Toshiro or Mephiles, because she wasn't in mood with dealing with these two. As she took a closer look at Eclipse, she noticed the bruises, with the little alien clearly being in pain. Considering how the last time she had seen him was just before he was sent to confront Shadow, she had a good idea how that encounter went.

''You're Eclipse, right?''

Eclipse was startled when he suddenly heard someone calling for him, wondering if it was the hive mind, only to realize that it was Touka. He frowned, shooting a glare at her for snapping him out of his thoughts. He had been occupied with the defeat he had suffer at Shadow's hands, as well as Black Doom's reaction to his defeat. The leader of the Black Arms had expected that Shadow would be the superior one, but was still disappointed by the fight Eclipse put up, calling it pathetic. It left Eclipse in a sour mood, as he knew that he should be an equal to Shadow, but it felt as if he was light years away. He was actually wondering how he could improve, when he heard Touka call for him.

''What do you want?'' he growled, his response bitter. He knew that Shadow cared Touka a lot, and according to Toshiro and Mephiles, they referred to each other siblings. It baffled him that Shadow would associate himself with humans, let alone call one of them his sister, and he detested Touka because of that. He felt as if she had brainwashed Shadow into supporting humans rather than the Black Arms, his own kin, which left him with nothing but hatred for her.

Touka was silent for a moment, observing Eclipse. It was clearly that he had a chip on his shoulder and she doubted that anything she'd say would calm him down, but currently, he was her only source of information. She was good at reading Shadow and his thoughts, and she hoped that, despite knowing nothing about Eclipse, she'd be able to get a proper read on him as well. ''You have fought Shadow, haven't you?''

Eclipse furrowed a brow, wondering where she was going with this question. He knew that Touka saw him getting orders from Black Doom to confront Shadow. ''I did. So what?''

''I suppose he was quite furious when you got in his way,'' Touka said, with Eclipse giving her a look of surprise, wondering how she knew that. ''Knowing Shadow, nothing will stop him from getting on the Black Comet and saving me.''

This seemed to have pissed Eclipse off, as he snarled, ''Why does Shadow even care about you?! You're nothing more but a pathetic human! Why would he call you his family if you're not even related by blood?!''

Touka was startled by Eclipse's sudden outburst. Truth to be told, she hadn't expected him to be so emotionally invested in this whole family thing, having believed that Eclipse referred to Shadow as his ''brother'' out of mockery or desire to control him, similarly to Black Doom. However, it appeared that the little alien wholeheartedly believed that Shadow should call him his brother, simply because they descended from Black Doom. While Touka could understand such belief, it had also irked her.

''Shadow cares about me because I care about him. We basically grew up together, so it shouldn't be surprising that we would be so close, especially in an environment where people ignored or even hated us,'' Touka replied in a calm tone, shooting Eclipse a glare. ''Shadow won't accept you just because you're biological related. He doesn't know you, and you won't exactly gain his trust by keeping me imprisoned.''

''If Shadow would just listen to me…'' Eclipse started, only for Touka to interrupt him.

''Eclipse, you are aware that Toshiro is my biological brother, right?'' she asked. Eclipse gave her a confused look, wondering why she was bringing that up, but nodded. ''Then you know that, despite being biologically related, Toshiro wants nothing more but destroy me, be it emotionally or just outright killing me. Do you really think I would want to call someone like that my own brother?''

Eclipse fell silent for a moment. He understood what Touka wanted to tell him, but he wasn't about to give in so easily. He huffed, folding his arms. ''To make it clear, I don't like him either.''

Touka sighed. ''At least we agree on something.''

''That's the only thing we'll ever agree on,'' Eclipse snarled, pointing at Touka. ''I will make sure that Shadow forgets everything about you! He will see the Black Arms as his only family!''

''If that ever happens, will you be happy?'' Touka suddenly asked. Eclipse stopped, staring at her in silence. ''If you want Shadow to believe you and the Black Arms are his family, you will have to mentally and emotionally break him, wipe out all of his memories, destroy everything that makes him his own person, crush his sense of self… If all of that happens, will you be happy that your brother is mindless husk controlled by Black Doom?''

''I-I…'' Eclipse sputtered, caught off-guard by Touka's question. ''He'll be one of the Black Arms...''

''He will,'' Touka agreed, her tone calm and cold. ''But he won't be Shadow anymore.'' She lowered her head. ''This is why I refuse to let any of you take him. I don't care what you do to me, but I do care what you do to Shadow.''

''Why?!'' Eclipse asked through gritted teeth. ''Why do you care?!''

''Because he is my little brother and I'm his older sister!'' Touka shouted, her eyes blazing with fury. ''I was always the one who protected him! I was the one who kept him company! I was the one who comforted him, who encouraged him when things got tough! Do you know why?! Because as the older sibling, that was my responsibility! I have already been through so much hate and neglect, and I refused to let Shadow experience the same! I refused to let him share my burden! It was always us against the world! That was what we told ourselves! That is why I can't let go of him and that is why I won't let Black Doom control him! I promised myself that if anyone tried to hurt him, I would break them first!'' Touka breathed heavily, her voice hoarse, but she still continued, her tone now more quiet, ''Shadow doesn't deserve any of this. He may be aloof and closed-off, the supposed weapon everyone was talking about, but deep down, he is kind and sweet, and even afraid of what he could become if he lost himself in this darkness. Even if you used your hive mind to read his thoughts or to sense his emotions, you will never know him like I do! You can control Shadow, but he will never acknowledge you as his family!''

''Shut up!'' Eclipse bellowed, and Touka felt a sharp sensation on her right cheek, followed by something hot and wet. She could see her own blood dripping from the cut Eclipse left after scratching her in anger.

Touka's gaze then shifted from the red droplets to Eclipse, whose claws were red from her blood. The little alien was shocked to see what he had done. He had gone against Black Doom's orders and hurt the human, and he feared that he would be punished for this. Even though he knew that Touka would eventually end up as food for the larvae, for the future soldiers, Black Doom made it clear – if they wanted Shadow, Touka was not allowed to even suffer a scratch. But, Eclipse didn't listen. He didn't follow the order. He knew that, if he couldn't follow orders, he was useless to Black Doom, and if he was useless…

''Eclipse…?''

Touka's voice snapped Eclipse out of his shocked state, and he stared at her with wide eyes. He expected hatred, anger, revulsion… any kind of negative emotion from her, but instead, he was met by a look of pity. Not only that, but her voice was different, far more gentle than just a moment earlier. He didn't understand… He couldn't understand any of this. He couldn't understand why Touka was like this, why she hated him in one moment, giving him a whole speech about it, and in the next, she was bleeding from an injury he inflicted on her and showed nothing but pity.

Eclipse couldn't handle it anymore. He shook his head, trying to shove away all of those emotions he felt, all the confusion and hurt he experienced, and he ran as far away as he could. He made the decision to find Shadow and tell him- convince him to be part of his family, so Touka would never have him.

Touka could only stare at Eclipse as he vanished from her vision, then sighed, feeling exhausted. She ignored the injury on her cheek, despite the constant stinging, thinking about Eclipse's reaction. She knew that Black Doom didn't give a damn about anyone but himself and his conquest, and she had a feeling that he would be more than willing to sacrifice his own soldiers as long as he reached his goal, and given Eclipse's reaction, it seemed that she was correct in that assumption, at least to some extent. She could also understand his emotional reaction to her rant, the despair of trying to convince Shadow that they were family, only for reality to constantly deny him that possibility.

After all, she became Shadow's sister because she too wanted to be part of a family.

xXx

Amy lunged at the nearest Black Arms soldier, smashing its head with her Piko Piko Hammer, her own power boosted via Chaos Surge. Not too far from her, Minami knocked another soldier into a building with her own pink energy hammer. Both of them were in Westoru, having gone into battle the moment the Black Arms appeared. They have gotten Lucas' message, assuming their leader had a plan in regards to how to deal with the Black Arms, with Minami filling in Amy on all the details about the Black Arms. Nevertheless, despite the faith they had in their friends, things weren't easy for them.

''I just hope reality isn't breaking around us,'' Minami said, taking note of the cracks in the air, which only spread further. She had no clue what they were, but she knew that they weren't good news.

''Never mind reality, how are you doing?'' Amy asked, smashing another alien with her hammer.

''I'm fine!'' Minami replied, blocking the a sword, with Amy running to her aid and knocking the alien away. Minami took a deep breath, holding up her hammer with a smirk on her expression. ''As long as you don't use my BioEnergy, I know I can keep fighting like this all day.''

''I hope that you're right!'' Amy said, slamming her hammer into another alien.

Despite having the will to fight, the two had to admit that it was getting difficult the crowd of Black Arms aliens that invaded this part of Neos City was never-ending. The moment they were done with one street, they heard screams from another. They knew that they needed to help to save as many people as possible until all of this was over.

Minami shattered the arm of a Black Oak who attempted to grab a woman and drag her away, with Amy finishing the alien off by a slam to the head, causing it to stumble back and fall over. The woman was crying, freaked out by what had happened, but things got worse. Minami and Amy looked up when they heard an explosion, realizing that the Black Arms managed to break a part of a building, with a huge piece of debris falling towards them. They gasped, but before they could move, they were suddenly grabbed by water vines, dragging them backwards, with the piece of debris falling right where they stood only a moment earlier. This was followed by a bolt of lightning dashing through the streets, blasting through the remaining Black Arms. Minami and Amy were stunned when they recognized who had saved them.

''Surge! Kit!''

Kit put the three down, while Surge stood before them with her head held high and a look of pride on her expression. ''Guess you two can't even handle fighting some black things without us.''

''It's nice to see you too, Surge,'' Amy said, giving Surge an exasperated look. The tenrec was as boastful and confident as ever, with the fennec fox keeping a careful eye on their surroundings, making sure that she was protected from any harm. ''What are you two doing here?''

''We were in the neighborhood when those weird things-''

''The Black Arms,'' Amy said.

''Yeah, right,'' Surge said in a dismissive tone, continuing, ''We were in the neighborhood when the Black Arms attacked us, so we fought back. I got no clue what they want from us, but beating them up is fun.''

Both her and Kit were suddenly startled when they got approached by the woman they had saved earlier, who gave them a grateful look. ''Thank you so much for saving me! If it weren't for you and your friends, I would've been long dead.''

Surge and Kit stared at the woman, who then quickly left, trying to find a proper place to hide. Both Amy and Minami turned to the two, an identical knowing grin forming on their expressions when they saw Surge and Kit's reactions, with Amy then putting up a sweet smile as she addressed them.

''I'm really glad that you're helping in our efforts against the Black Arms,'' she said. Surge huffed.

''Don't think too much of it, Pinky. We're just here because the Black Arms make for a good punching bag,'' she responded in a haughty tone.

''I see. I thought you were trying to be heroes,'' Minami said, acting surprised by the reveal. She knew that it would be a good idea to push both Surge and Kit towards a less villainous path, and this was the perfect opportunity. Meanwhile, Surge and Kit exchanged stunned glances, both trying to process what Minami just told them.

Technically, they were created to be heroes and replace Sonic and Tails, so it would make sense to follow this programming, whether they liked it or not. However, they didn't even realize that they did technically do something heroic by fighting against the Black Arms and, as a consequence, saving the people who fell victims to the aliens. This whole situation just felt weird to them.

''Are we… heroes?'' Kit gave Surge a confused look, hoping that she would have the answer they needed. Obviously, whatever Surge decided to do, he would follow her lead, but he needed a proper confirmation.

Surge, on the other hand, felt a little conflicted. Obviously, she didn't go into the fight to save people left and right, but she couldn't deny that the woman thanking her and Kit for saving her didn't leave a warm feeling in her chest. Trying to push away that sensation, she gave another dismissive huff instead. ''If that's what you define as being a 'hero', then Sonic and his so-called heroism is overrated.'' This response seemed to have confused everyone, with Surge then turning to Kit, adding, ''I bet we can do much better than Sonic and Tails.''

''Yeah! We absolutely can!'' Kit encouraged her, his eyes sparking as he imagined himself helping Surge out in whatever she defined as 'being a hero'. After all, he was there to do what Surge wanted, and he would've remained by her side whether she decided to become a hero or a villain. Amy, on the other hand, remained a little exasperated.

''I don't think that being a hero includes competing with other people to figure out who the better hero is,'' Amy said.

''Who cares? So long as I get to beat that blue boyfriend of yours, I'll do this hero thing with no fuss,'' Surge replied, with Amy puffing her cheeks, shooting a glare at the tenrec.

''For the last time Surge, Sonic is not my boyfriend!'' Amy shouted, feeling rather annoyed about this whole thing. ''I've been telling you that only because my counterpart is lovesick, that doesn't mean that I…''

''Yeah, yeah, whatever, Pink,'' Surge said as she cleaned her ear with her pinky finger, not really caring that much about how frustrated Amy was, as well as slightly amused that she managed to rile her up. ''Can't we skip this and go to the part where I get to be awesome and kick ass?''

Amy sighed, just staring at Surge in disbelief as the tenrec located more Black Arms, quickly perking up as she dashed towards them. Kit followed her, but not before giving Amy a stern, if blank look, his tone serious, ''Please, refrain from shouting at Surge in the future. Even if she wasn't upset, I am.''

Amy was a bit startled by his serious tone, watching him as he joined Surge in the battle. She couldn't help but feel discontented by Surge's attempts at messing with her like this. But, at the same time, she was intrigued. She knew that there was more to both Surge and Kit, especially Surge, and she wasn't going to let the tenrec make her lose her nerve.

A look of resolve appeared on Amy's expression. She was going to make this work.

xXx

Shadow felt a sense of dread as he walked through the empty corridors of the Codex Research Facility. Despite knowing that the facility was completely abandoned, he was still on high alert, as it was always possible that someone may have broken into the building and made it their own. Admittedly, Shadow didn't believe that that would be possible, since not many people knew about the Codex Research Facility's location, even with the information Team Neos had leaked during their confrontation with ARMS, but he was ready to face any kind of intruder.

However, it became soon apparent that he was completely alone inside the building. Besides some busted doors, courtesy of Amy's Piko Piko Hammer back when Lucas and his friends tried to find Touka, nothing appeared to be disturbed. Still, that didn't ease Shadow's nerves, his paranoia still running high. He tried to focus on sensing the Chaos Emerald within the building, but he had trouble pinpointing its exact location. All he knew was that it was deep inside the facility and that he would have to go further than he wanted in order to find it.

''Hey, Shadow… What would you like to do when we finally are allowed to leave this place?''

Shadow stopped for a moment as a memory resurfaced in his mind. He could see Touka giving him a curious look, starting a conversation they had so many times before.

''I would do whatever you want to do,'' Shadow responded in a matter-of-fact tone. He had not much of an interest in exploring the world outside what Touka desired. After all, if the world was going to treat him the same way as everyone at the Codex Research Facility did, what was the point of getting to know it? It appeared to be the wrong answer, though, because Touka gave him a slightly disappointed look.

''That's a boring answer,'' she said, only to perk up. ''You know what? Once we're outside, the first thing we'll do is to find something that would interest you.''

''Why don't we do something that interests you? You already have a list of things you want to do once you're outside,'' Shadow pointed out.

''Yeah, I do, but I think it would be more fun to explore your interests. You know, get you a hobby or maybe even find some friends…''

''I don't want any friends.''

Touka stared at Shadow in stunned silence, with the dark hedgehog lowering his head, well aware of how cold his statement came across. He then added, ''I'm happy with just being with you, so I don't need any friends or even acquaintances, especially if they're going to treat me the same way as everyone here. You know as well as I do that people will never trust an Irregular, and I don't have a need to befriend more people who might betray me.''

''Shadow…'' Touka got on her knees to be at his eye-level, wrapping her hands around his shoulders and pulling him close. ''If you feel like that, that's fine… In fact, if we ever came across someone who wanted to befriend me without wanting to befriend you, I would give them my piece of mind about how much of a hypocrite they are.''

Shadow couldn't help but smile weakly at Touka's statement, having already seen her many times Touka defending him from anyone who harassed him for little to no reason. He felt Touka burying her forehead into his, tightening the hug as he sighed in resignation.

''It is us against the world, isn't it?''

Touka didn't answer. The Shadow in the present wondered if she hadn't answered that question because she still hoped that they would meet people who would be genuine about befriending them, regardless of their origins. He felt a sting of pain in his chest, mixed with a sense of longing. He wished that Touka was here to talk to him, to assure him in his mission. But, she was gone now, and if Shadow didn't succeed, he knew that he would never see her again.

''It must be quite frustrating to be here, Shadow.''

Shadow's eyes widened as he suddenly sensed the presence of Doom's Eye and turned around, observing the starfish-like alien with resentment. The alien didn't appear to care about the fact that all Shadow needed was a good reason and he would obliterate it on spot, continuing instead, ''This is the place where those humans have betrayed you. It is a place of anguish, a place of lies and loss…''

''Get to the point,'' Shadow growled, his tone icy as he glared at Doom's Eye.

''There are memories of your life here that you cannot recall.''

Doom's Eye suddenly glowed, with Shadow suddenly falling on one knee as he felt a skull-splitting headache, crying out in pain and pressing his hands against his temples. It was as if Doom's Eye, or rather, Black Doom himself, reached through the hive mind into his head, clawing for the memories that were buried deep inside him and bringing them to the surface.

Shadow inhaled deeply as the pain subsided, feeling his heart pound against his ribcage. He took a look around, only to be shocked to see the empty corridors suddenly bustling with people. Scientists were walking around or discussing their latest research, trying to meet deadlines or simply suggesting improvements on the current projects.

''H-How?'' Shadow was stunned, staring in disbelief at what was going on. A few people walked past him, completely ignoring his presence. This is a memory, right? But, it feels so real, as if I had been brought back to the past…

Fortunately, he got his answer soon, because he heard someone shout, followed by a laugh as someone ran past him. It was Touka, or rather, her past self, closely followed by a wingless self of Shadow, both of them being pursued by an angry scientists. Present Shadow followed them, wondering why Doom's Eye wanted to show him this memory. He wasn't particularly sure whether it was a memory worth remembering, but he assumed that Doom's Eye had its reasons for picking this particular memory.

''Over here!'' Touka grabbed Shadow's hand, pulling him into another corridor, followed by another and another. The Shadow from the present continued following them, taking note of just how maze-like the facility was, and how often Touka took advantage of that to hide from whoever became the victim of her pranks.

''Did you really have to do that?'' Shadow asked, with Touka giving him a firm, if mischievous look.

''Dr. Endo deserved getting his computer crashed after calling you a 'disgusting creature'. Nobody's going to insult my little brother and get away with it,'' she said. However, past Shadow was still worried.

''You'll get in huge trouble when he finds you,'' he pointed out.

''Then I'll make sure to avoid him as long as it takes for him to forget about this…'' Touka replied, remaining unflappable. Past Shadow sighed, while present Shadow couldn't help but smile. He knew well that nothing would stop Touka in protecting him, not in the past, nor in the present. Suddenly, all three of them stopped as they entered another area, this one being completely empty save for several monitors and devices strewn across it. ''I guess we can hide here… What's that?''

''Touka, I don't think this is a good idea…'' Shadow warned her when she walked over to a monitor, staring at the data displayed on it, only to join her when he realized that she suddenly went silent. The Shadow from the present followed them, being just as curious as this was an event he couldn't recall.

''There is something about you here,'' Touka said, sitting down on the chair, with Shadow grabbing another one to sit next to her. Present Shadow, on the other hand, remained standing, craning his neck to get a better look at the monitor as Touka started to read the information displayed on the monitor. ''I think this is Prof. Sakamoto's research notes. 'My research on the creation of an Irregular that can be controlled has brought me further than I had thought. Subject S-2005, also known as Shadow the Hedgehog, is showing an unusually close bond with Touka, to the point that I had heard them label each other as siblings on many occasions, despite my own objections.'.'' Touka huffed at that. ''So what if I call you my little brother? It's not like it's hurting anyone. 'Admittedly, this label might not be too far from the truth. After all, I am the one who gave life to both of them.' What?!''

''What does the Professor mean by that?'' Shadow asked, giving Touka a stunned stare. Both of them knew that Shadow was an Irregular ARNav created by Sakamoto, but they had no clue that Touka had a connection to him besides the fact the Sakamoto was her guardian. Present Shadow, on the other hand, scoffed, already knowing the dark truth of Touka being an artificial body created to save Sakamoto's real daughter, Tomoe; an experiment that resulted in failure. Touka then quickly continued reading the research notes.

'''However, I cannot take full credit for all my research efforts in regards to Subject S-2005. The process itself had been long and fruitless, and the only reason I had a breakthrough was because of my contributor, who had provided me with the data that allowed me to create the first artificial Irregular. According to my contributor, whose name will remain redacted as per their request, they too wished to see the birth of an Irregular they titled 'The Ultimate Lifeform'. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why they would call an Irregular that, but they assured me that ARMS would be satisfied with my project, just like their spiritual predecessor, an organization they referred to as G.U.N. I had decided not to pry into matters that didn't concern me, but my contributor insisted on providing me with more information on Project Shadow. According to them, I wasn't the first one to create a creature like this, and that my research was based on the research of another man, known as Prof. Gerald Robotnik. I have tried to find that man in our database, but nothing came up, so I don't know how much of this is the truth. My contributor had also told me that Subject S-2005 is a hybrid with powers beyond anything I could imagine, and that the Subject's data, or rather, biodigital DNA, had been partially taken from an alien warlord called Black Doom, making him ultimately a hybrid. I have to admit, all this talk had been quite confusing, as whenever I tried to research the names that have been brought up, I couldn't find any information. It is as if those people never existed. In addition to the provided information, my contributor suggested that in order to unleash Subject S-2005's full power, I should ensure that he was emotionally bound to someone – in this case, Touka. According to them, once the Subject had formed a powerful bond, it would be able to use Touka's BioEnergy in a way I could never imagine. He had also advised me that, when the Subject achieves this stunning display of power, to immediately put him through traumatic experience of losing his supposed older sibling, as the mental breakdown that would occur would allow me to fully control the Subject. I don't really see how that would be possible, but I believe I can trust my contributor, as their advice hasn't failed so far. I will be deleting this log, though, as I don't believe it is necessary for anyone to know the truth behind the experiment tomorrow, and some of the information I was given appears to be trivial.' What is Prof. Sakamoto talking about? Who is Gerald Robotnik? Who is Black Doom? What is this experiment he's talking about?'' Touka asked in disbelief, both her and past Shadow shocked to read this. Even Shadow from the present was shocked to hear that Sakamoto had actually been informed about the lore surrounding his origins, yet dismissed them as information that had absolutely no meaning to him.

''That is enough.''

Touka and the two dark hedgehogs were startled by a calm voice coming from behind them, only to see Hiroshi Sakamoto, alongside a pair of security guards, staring at them. Sakamoto gave them a cold gaze, adding, ''Seize them!''

Touka gasped as one of the security guards grabbed her, holding her by her neck to make sure she didn't ran away. Shadow's quills bristled, as he was about to fight the other security guard, but a glance at Sakamoto made him realize that if he tried anything, Touka would suffer. This is why he allowed the man to grab his arm, twisting it behind his back.

Sakamoto then walked up to the computer, deleting the research notes that had been displayed. ''Whatever was written here is completely unimportant.''

''What do you want from us?!'' Touka asked through gritted teeth, trying to break out of the security guard's grip. Sakamoto stared back at her in quiet contemplation.

''I suppose I can tell you this now, since we're close to ending the experiment,'' he said, reaching for something in the pocket of his lab coat. ''The military branch, ARMS, who is funding this research, has asked me to create an Irregular they could control and use as a weapon, that being Subject S-2005, or Shadow, as you decided to call him. As it turns out, he is quite attuned to your BioEnergy, meaning that his power will grow significantly if he absorbs it. There are only a few more tests that need to be done, but once this is over, you will both will be sent to ARMS to work as their agents.''

''What if we refuse?'' Shadow growled.

''You have no other choice,'' Sakamoto replied, taking out a pair of syringes from his pocket. ''Of course, I need to make sure that you don't remember any of this, as your knowledge about the experiments will only get in the way of the results. Fortunately, this wasn't the first time I had to deal with your antics, so I'm well prepared for this.''

He then turned to Touka, who stared at him in horror as he brought the syringe to her neck, stabbing her.

''No! Touka!''

Both Shadows cried out in anguish as the girl screamed in pain and fear, but their pleas remained unanswered. Touka fell unconscious, being carried away by the security guard. Shadow managed to break out of the security guard's grip, focused on getting to Touka, only for a hand to grab him from behind, followed by a sharp sense of pain. Moments later, everything went black, and present Shadow found himself kneeling on the floor, his eyes wide in shock.

While he was overwhelmed by the sudden stream of information, what genuinely broke him was Touka's cries for help and the fear in her eyes, as well as the cruel way Sakamoto had treated both of them. He knew that they meant nothing to the man, that they were just experiments to him, but still, having a memory like this resurface left him shaking in terror.

''Do you understand now?'' Doom's Eye suddenly spoke. ''Those humans who created you, they will continue to pursue you until they can use you or until they destroy you. You already have experience with that, haven't you?''

''Shut up…'' Shadow growled, trying to get up. Doom's Eye was persistent, though.

''They don't care about you. Even if they have promised to leave you alone, it only takes one tragedy to go back to how things used to be. Do you really think they won't start blaming you for all of their shortcomings?'' the alien continued.

''You won't see her ever again. Your actions, the absorption of her BioEnergy, resulted in her demise.''

Shadow felt cold as another memory resurfaced, this one clear and familiar. It was the one that gave him nightmares for many nights, the one where Sakamoto unleashed an Irregular they kept captive so Shadow would fight him and, in his despair, absorb Touka's BioEnergy to defeat the Irregular. This was followed by more lies about how Shadow killed his sister – the only person he cared about.

Shadow's ears twitched as he could still hear the blaring alarms of the facility, indicating that an Irregular had broken out and was loose inside the building. Only, that Irregular was him, and he had left a bloody path of bodies behind him as he attacked every person in sight. He could hear the screams of anguish as the scientist fell at his hands, one by one. He didn't care whether they were alive or dead, all he wanted was for this pain to stop. All he wanted was for Touka to be avenged.

''Agrh!''

Shadow punched a nearby wall in fury, leaving a crack in it. His eyes were glowing red, and he could see the black mass forming around his arm. His mind was filled with anger and hatred, frustration and despair, fear and self-loathing. He hurt so many people, but all of those people hurt him. He never wanted to be created, but they forced his creation. Shadow fumed, suddenly turning his attention when he sensed a spike of Chaos Energy, following it, until he came to a familiar room.

There it was, lying inside the pod he once was trapped inside, the white Chaos Emerald he had been searching for. He took it, feeling its power, but at the same time, his senses were numb. His glowing crimson eyes were reflected in the Chaos Emerald, painting the white surface in a hue of blood.

He had hurt so many people, so many of which deserved to be hurt… He had the power to do it again, to make those who lied to him, who put him through so much torment, suffer just how he had suffered. Shadow closed his eyes, feeling a searing sensation spreading through his chest, forcing himself to ignore it.

When he opened his eyes, they were still glowing, but his mind was finally clear. He turned on his heel, focusing on his mission, on finding the Chaos Emeralds. Behind him, Doom's Eye laughed darkly, aware that Shadow's emotional turmoil would bring him one step closer to becoming a true champion of the Black Arms.

xXx

Dr. Eggman grumbled at the sight of the chaos depicted on his monitor. He was still at the Egg Base hidden within the Tamago Corporation, having taken all precautions to make sure the Black Arms wouldn't break inside, tapping on the desk as he looked down at the blue gem that appeared inside the building.

As much as he wanted to use the Chaos Emerald to conquer Neos City, he knew that the current situation didn't allow for such a brazen plan. What would he gain from conquering a city if it was already weakened by the Black Arms invasion? He shook his head, aware that he needed to first get rid off the Black Arms if he wanted to do anything, but the issue he encountered was that he had no way of causing destruction on such a massive scale, even if he used all of his resources. Suddenly, his glasses flashed as he looked up at the monitor, furrowing a brow.

''Maybe there is a way to destroy the Black Arms… But, that would include…'' He suddenly grinned in a devious manner. ''Hohoho, I guess I could take advantage of the current situation with the AR Fields. Black Doom- No, not even Team Neos has any idea what's coming!''

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#Sonic Cyber Revolution (Masterlist)

[homuraakemis]

I was really hoping to like Netflix ATLA, but there were just way too many things that I didn't like. I don't have any wish to debate any of this (so if you disagree please ignore or write your own post), I'm just writing this to gather my thoughts and get this off my chest (also this is very disorganized). So here's a list of some of the things that I didn't like about Netflix ATLA (there's probably more, but I won't remember them all right now):

-- Removing the sexism everywhere, then bringing it back when it's convenient: Sokka is not sexist, Yue can just break off her betrothal, but when the narrative needs Katara and Pakku to fight, the tribe is suddenly sexist again. There's no consistency. Sokka and Katara's conflict makes no sense without his sexism. They created a whole different conflict between Sokka thinking that Katara doesn't take him seriously and Katara thinking that Sokka treats her like a little girl, and it feels completely artificial. We aren't even shown scenes in which Sokka actually treats Katara as a little girl for this conflict between them to be believable. Sokka and Suki's relationship also doesn't work without his sexism and her humbling him. In NATLA, they seem to have some conflict for no reason over who's the better warrior, then Suki is super interested in Sokka for no reason and starts stalking him and looking at him with some really weird wide eyes all the time. We have nothing of the natural relationship they develop in the cartoon, in which Sokka slowly comes to respect her as a warrior and she warms up to him and he starts to act more humble (and they don't even have all that much development in the cartoon either, but the cartoon makes the relationship work much better). Also, I find it very annoying (and sexist) that they tried to absolve the sexist male characters of their character flaw of being sexist to make the audience like them more. Sokka is no longer sexist, and now June has a crush on Iroh, because how dare their precious Iroh be flawed and be a creep towards June, right? Better to just remove his flaw and make him blameless (/sarcasm).

-- Changing the Zuko, Azula and Ozai dynamic: It's very weird making Ozai praise Zuko so much. I know that by the end, they try to pass it off as Ozai "playing games" to motivate Azula, but it still comes off very weird, making it look like he favors Zuko over Azula. Azula is supposed to be the golden child. Zuko is supposed to be an utter failure in Ozai's eyes. If it was one scene of Ozai praising Zuko to manipulate Azula, it would be one thing, but they have several scenes of him praising Zuko, seemingly missing Zuko and being teary eyed as he burned Zuko, and it makes it seem like he thinks Zuko is strong and banished him only as a test to make him even stronger, instead of his actual reason in the cartoon (which is that he thinks Zuko is weak and a failure). And his constant criticisms of Azula are even weirder. Azula is the golden child! She's supposed to always have been praised for her talents (animation!Ozai AND comics!Ozai constantly praise Azula). I get that they're trying to show how Ozai was abusive and manipulative to both of his kids, but there are ways of showing this without completely changing Zuko and Azula's dynamic. You could have Azula being perfect most of the time with Ozai praising her, but then the one time she gets something wrong, you could have him say something threatening like "you don't want to end up like your weakling brother". This would have shown how Ozai manipulated Azula and why Azula feels like she constantly needs to please him (for fear of ever being treated like Zuko) without removing Azula's characterization as the perfect golden child that Ozai always saw as superior to Zuko.

-- Making Zuko fight his father (which is very thematically wrong) and making it canon in the live action the fanon headcanon that Zuko's scar is supposed to be a handprint with Ozai "tenderly" touching Zuko as he burns him (I hate this headcanon with a passion).

-- Making Ozai teary eyed as he burns Zuko (wtf).

-- Zuko doesn't lash out enough at his uncle and crew, they soften his flaws.

-- I didn't like the way they rewrote the war council scene or how Ozai gave Zuko permission to speak. I get that they were trying to show Ozai's disappointment in Zuko and how Zuko couldn't give a battle plan answer that Ozai approved, but it still felt off to me.

-- Also, why would Ozai just… decide to let the 41st division live just because Zuko argued for them? The whole point was that Zuko's opinion didn't matter to Ozai. It doesn't make sense to me that Ozai changed his plans to sacrifice the division just because Zuko spoke up. Not only it messes up with his original battle plans that he was so defensive about and was outraged that Zuko "disrespected", this also would make him look weak before his generals, because it's him giving his disrespectful son exactly what he wanted. It really makes no sense to me. I know they did it to make Zuko look more "heroic", and to make the crew finally respect him, but Zuko didn't need this to be more heroic, he was already heroic simply for speaking up for them. As for his crew coming to respect him, it should have come from his own actions, like in the animation, where Zuko actually realizes how badly he had been treating his crew and actually does right by them by thinking of their safety in the storm. The animation actually gives him character growth, in which Zuko reflects on his bad actions and changes. In NATLA, Iroh just tells the crew that they should respect Zuko because he saved them, and Zuko doesn't have to grow or self reflect on his treatment of his crew at all.

-- Badly choreographed fight scenes. The benders are constantly making unnecessary moves to bend (like they're charging up or something), which doesn't feel organic. In several moments they pose for long moments in the middle of the fight, and the opponents just stand there watching them pose. In fact, there are several moments where an opponent just waits there while our heroes do a bunch of random dance movements to summon their element instead of just attacking them in the middle of their dance.

-- I got more used to the costumes as I watched, but some of them still feel like cosplay.

-- A lot of dialogue is clunky and awkward. Gyatso telling Aang he is the Avatar is blunt, and Aang is given no time to react or emote about this heavy burden that was suddenly placed on him. Gran Gran starts an exposition about how the four nations used to live in harmony and how Aang is special and the Avatar out of nowhere, before she has any evidence to make her actually believe this. For all she knows he's just a random airbender.

-- The acting is also not the best. Not as bad as I was expecting from what we were shown in the trailer, but not really very good. People randomly scream to make points sometimes (especially the Avatars).

-- Aang no longer runs away from his responsibility, he just goes on a ride to clear his head and ends up trapped in a block of ice. Oops! Not his fault! We can't have our main character have any major flaws that he needs to overcome, right? We can't show a kid having a natural reaction to having such a responsibility thrust upon him, nooo, we need him to be a perfect hero from the start. Who needs character development? Better to just remove Aang's character arc.

-- Katara comes up with the name Team Avatar? Not Sokka? WHY?

-- So… Koh just… lets everybody go because he got back a toy with the face of his mother? Seriously? And why did Roku take that from him in the first place? What was the point? Taking the totem made him weaker or something? And what's Roku's connection to Koh? shouldn't this have been Kuruk? Also, how did Aang know that he shouldn't show emotion when facing Koh? I don't remember anyone telling him this, but maybe I'm just forgetting it.

-- Hakoda's characterization was just butchered. He was always a supportive father, why the fuck is he talking about Sokka like that? Also, animation!Hakoda would never let Sokka pass a test if he wasn't ready. He left Sokka behind because he wasn't old enough for war, and he explicitly tells this to Sokka. He doesn't soften the blow, he doesn't praise Sokka for something that Sokka didn't earn. Yet Netflix!Hakoda is ok with giving his son unearned rewards.

-- Yue's death scene was better and more emotional in the Shyamalan movie than in the Netflix show, LMAO.

-- Zuko AND the show making such a big deal out of that notebook was really weird.

-- Weirdly, the show was supposed to be "more adult" and yet it still uses the same children's cartoon logic. Zuko swings his sword at people? Not a drop of blood (or at least, I don't remember seeing it). Aang throws people off the wall when he and the Blue Spirit are escaping? Nobody dies.

-- So Katara just learns everything on her own? No training, no help from a master, she just goes from barely being able to move water (even less than her animated counterpart was able to do) to being some great master in less than a year with the help of one scroll and her experience running from firebenders? And Aang goes to the North to train in waterbending and yet we don't see him have a single lesson? He doesn't even TRY to waterbend the entire season?

-- Also, Aang REFUSES to support Katara against Pakku??? He was her strongest supporter in the animation, he says he won't train with Pakku if he doesn't teach Katara, and yet in the Netflix show they make him have his existential crisis at this point, completely butchering the Kataang dynamic?

-- They removed the scene of Iroh telling Zuko that he sees Zuko as his own!!! WHY?

-- I dislike the Z/utara ship bait. It literally serves no purpose to the plot, it only serves the purpose of throwing a bone to the shippers and inflaming the ship wars in the fandom.

-- Mai slipping up and defending Zuko to Azula, and then quickly correcting herself when Azula glares at her was good. But Mai physically stopping Azula from burning someone is way too much defiance for her at this point in the story.

-- Katara breaking Aang out of the ice because the's pulling a canoe instead of because she was angry not only is a bad adaptation of Katara's character, but it doesn't look realistic that her doing such gentle motions is going to break the iceberg.

-- Katara doesn't learn how to heal. She doesn't learn it on her own and she has only a 10 second lesson before she decides to move on and leave the class. Like... how is she going to heal her friends and bring Aang back to life next season?

-- Sozin's comet didn't seem like it was very powerful, we don't see the firebenders producing huge amounts of fire like in the cartoon.

All of that being said, it wasn't the worst adaptation ever. It was ok, and there were a few things here and there that I really liked. The sets were fantastic, it really brought all those locations to life. The animals looked amazing as well. I loved seeing a little bit of the Air Nomads, and they gave a good explanation of why Sozin was able to wipe most of them out in a single blow (because they were all in the Southern Air Temple for the comet festival). Lu Ten's funeral was really good. I was disappointed at Zuko's scar from the trailers, because I felt like there was no texture to it, but some shots show that there is some texture, so I ended up being ok with the scar in the end, even if still a bit disappointed that it was smaller than the original. I actually thought they made an ok job of mixing up the Omashu, Jet and Northern Air Temple storylines, even if sometimes it felt rushed (and I agree with the decision to mix them up, they couldn't have all these stories as disconnected short stories in the middle of 50 minute episodes). I was ok with Bumi's characterization (or change in characterization), but that's mostly because I don't really like Bumi in the original cartoon (his decision to let the Fire nation take Omashu because neutral jing always seemed nonsensical to me, so him being nonsensical and a bit crazy in NATLA is something I don't have much of a problem with), so it's really more of a personal opinion and I get that some people might not have liked the way they portrayed Bumi. Finally, I thought the first four episodes were acceptable, but the last four were bad.

So it's not like there was nothing that I liked, but it was a mixed bag. Overall, it didn't excite me all that much. Still, I hope people like it enough to get it renewed for another season, first because I do have hope that they learn from their mistakes and criticisms and make a better season 2, and second because I really want Netflix ATLA to bring hype to the Avatar universe so that Avatar Studios can be hyped and successful.

[theink-stainedfolk]

Whispers of Shadow & Love

Chapter 2

Whirlpool Of Memories 

In the stillness of the night, Vesperine found herself engulfed in a haunting nightmare. In the depths of her subconscious, she witnessed a woman shrouded in grief, her tears cascading down her cheeks, they slowly turned like crimson streams.

“Aldarien, Vanythor..” she cried. Vesperine knew that that was not a name. Those were noun phrases, possibly to call someone you love. Cradled within her trembling arms lay a lifeless figure, drenched in blood that matched her tears. That was presumably the body of her lover, that was whom she was calling for.

In the agony, she murmured cryptic words in a tongue familiar yet incomprehensible to Vesperine's ears. “En arthorian aldar”

Suddenly, the sorrow-stricken gaze of the woman pierced through her. Her blood red eyes furiously looked at her. her anguished screams tearing through the fabric of reality. Curses spat forth from her lips, accusations hurled towards Vesperine with venomous intent. “Alar.... alar syrthor!!” She screeched “Alar enar'aldar altharion!! Enar arthorion!! Aldar syrthil en syrthor!! En'aldar enar syrthorian en darion!!"Abruptly, the surroundings erupted into a conflagration of flames, consuming everything in its path. The once weeping woman now bore eyes as black as the abyss, driven by an insatiable hunger for vengeance. With an outstretched hand, she lunged towards Vesperine, intent on delivering retribution.

A cold sweat enveloped Vesperine as she jolted awake, the remnants of the nightmare clinging to her. “What the hell…. Was that?...” she groaned as she massaged her head not so gently. She then pulled herself up from the bed and walked towards the kitchen to get a glass of water. Surprisingly, her father, Aldorian, was sitting on the counter and munching on the leftover pizza.

“Hey hunny, what's got you up?” He gently asked her, putting down his papers. “Nightmare and stuff” she spoke, her voice hoarse. “You were asleep? I thought you were awake, talking to someone.” “What? Why would you think so?” She said sitting next to him with a glass. “Because I heard you talking.” What? When was she talking? She's been asleep since 9. “I went to bed at about 9.” “That's strange. I heard voices of you talking.” 

She was not talking. She must have been dreaming but she was never talking. The weeping woman was talking and screaming. Talking in a language that she couldn't even speak. “Did you hear what i was talking about?” “ I did hear it. Bits of it. But it didn't sound like any of the languages you have learned. Are you learning a new language?” “No dad.” she spoke, the sweat still on her forehead and back. “I haven't been learning anything new.”

The next morning, her head was still in the world of that nightmare. The very beautiful yet haunting nightmare. Cleo was right in front of her, talking about her crush on Caden, which Vesperine thinks everyone knows, except Caden himself. 

“He is just so freaking good looking like his eyes are the prettiest shade of brown I have ever seen. His black shiny hair makes him look so mature.” she chatted. “Can you agree with me at least?” She must have noticed that Vesperine was not paying attention to her words. 

“Uh huh, he sure is nice.” He genuinely was good looking, Vesperine did not lie. But he was not her type.

“What is keeping you in your dreamland? What are you daydreaming about?” Cleo asked, curious about the thoughts keeping her distracted. 

Vesperine, very carefully stared at her. Thinking about whether or not she should tell her about the nightmare that was so weird.

“You are dumb. You won't understand my thoughts, they are far superior to that of yours.” Vesperine blurted, earning a very angry glare from Cleo.

“Says the one who almost failed last semester.” Cleo angrily grumbled. “It's fine if you don't wanna tell me. We are not that close anyways.” Her frustration was evident in every word she uttered. 

Vesperine chuckled and learned closer to her. “Fine, I'll tell you. Do you believe in prophetic dreams?” Vesperine asked seriously. Cleo blinked once then twice. She thought that Vesperine was joking with her.

“No I don't why?” Cleo answered after several seconds of silence. This earned a sigh from Vesperine. “I don't either, honestly.” Vesperine said. “But I have no other ways to explain it.” Vesperine thought for a few more seconds before speaking again. “I had a very strange dream today.” She said and continued after seeing that Cleo was paying attention. “In my dream,” she continued. “I saw a woman weeping with a man in her arms. I assumed that man was her lover because she kept saying noun phrases that were meant to be used for lovers. Mind you, she was speaking in another language. Her eyes that were spilling tears suddenly started spilling blood. She then suddenly looked straight at me bro, as if she could really see me.” Cleo's eyes widened as she heard it. This was truly a very weird dream. “ That woman then began shouting at me. Saying things like ‘it is your fault’ and ‘you did this.’ And then she lurched at me as if she wanted to kill me.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Cleo interrupted her. “So you actually understood the other language? Did you know that language?” Cleo asked a very good question. Vesperine went back to her thoughts swirling in her head. “Not really,” Vesperine said, unsure of her status with that language. “I learned it briefly through my dad. It was Eldarthian, that language which we encountered during our casual hunt, remember? I cannot speak it but read it and understand a little. But in that dream, I understood everything, even the words I hadn't learned before.” After Vesperine finished speaking, both of them went silent for a moment.

“Don't…” Cleo started “don't you think it is because you just encountered that piece and that your brain conjured it up for fun?” They both went into deep thoughts again. “You know what?” Vesperine looked at Cleo. “I'll think of it as a figment of my imagination. I don't want to overthink.” Vesperine said.

“That's my girl.” Cleo rejoiced for her. “I thought you'd think too much and lose all your brain cells.” She joked.

“You wish.” Vesperine shot back, a playful glint in her eyes. “Are you free the day after tho?” She asked. 

"Are you treating me to good food? If so then yes," Cleo said with a grin, her eyes lighting up at the prospect.

Vesperine chuckled. "I'll treat you to something better than food.”

“There is nothing better than food, Vesperine.” Cleo said, curious about what I was going on about. 

“The day after tomorrow, Caden asked if we were free for a mini historical Linguistic lesson. What is your status?” Vesperine smirked.

Cleo's smile widened. "I'm always free for him," she replied, nudging Vesperine playfully as they got up for their way to the next lecture room. “Text me the time okay?” She added. “Of course.” Vesperine replied.

[ladyhindsight]

Love ur blog and I have something important to speak with u about.

Alec, Clary and Simon all specifically joined the Clave as high ranking members to change the system from the inside" often times when you discuss this with others on here I see this bit of information not spoken about but it is a constant talking point to excuse the negative behaviors and systematic oppression that the shadow hunters use to maintain power and control.

Clary refers to Shadow Hunter society as a police state in City of Heavenly Fire and then goes onto become a part of that police state.

What bothers me so much about this rhetoric is first of all look at our own world so many people have said you can't change systems of oppression by JOINING the system of oppression I mean look at what's happening with shadow hunter society they basically had another fucking war because of shadow hunter right wingers gaining control YET AGAIN.

It is so upsetting to read these books as a minority because it is so easy to see Cassandra Claire's White Liberal Mentality at play here. It's very reminiscent of JK Rowlings white liberal fantasy being that we don't need to change systems of oppression we just need to get out and vote actually!

Clary submits entirely to Jace and becomes a good little shadow hunter wife who never disagrees or removes herself from Jace's wants and needs. She is suppose to represent feminism and women in shadow hunter society but has only one friend outside of her husband's control (Simon) and Jace spends every waking minute undermining anything Simon says. Example: in Lord of Shadows Clary speaks about hoe bad her ptsd has gotten and was encouraged by Simon to go to a therapist, Jace tells her she's not allowed and he will be angry with her if she does go. So Clary dutifully listens to the man who controls her and does not go. She's been crushed under shadow hunter societies patriarchy.

Simon was a vampire and Jewish man who opposed many of shadow hunter societies ideas around mental health and racist values. He is indoctrinated by clary and the lightwoods under the guise of "being one of the good ones" a manipulation tactic often used on POC. Simon rejects any connection to vampire culture and instead remains as an outside viewer of shadow hunters because he wants to remain their uncle Tom. At the end he "transcends" his old culture and identity and becomes a white Christian man- I mean a shadow hunter and thus is accepted into society because he has completely conformed to their ideology and mind set. Simon is then delegated to the role of comedic relief where he is never taken seriously, must always sacrifice himself for the true blood shadow hunters who retain their status as his superiors and even his own girlfriend is viewed as his superior because she is a "pure blooded" shadow hunter. He's a good little minority who is allowed into the "right" culture because of his continual hatred of his own culture and identity.

Alec is a gay man who hated himself until he finally stood up and spat in the face of shadow hunter oppression. He basically said he won't be comodofied by shadow hunters and will choose to live as himself. Alec then goes onto become one of the heads of the police state and has done next to nothing to further gay rights and freedom of marriage for shadow hunters and down worlders. In fact he and many others allowed the cold peace to take place and then remarks that he is a good guy because hey his husband is a man of color I mean downworlder and there for he can't be racist I mean hateful to downworlders. In one of the short stories, book of the white, Alec goes on a huge diatribe towards Tian, a man working with a powerful demon because he wants the freedom to love a fey. Alec and Magnus take turns telling Tian how despicable he is for daring to do something wrong so he can love the person he wants to love. Meanwhile, Alec tried to turn Magnus into a respectable lover in the eyes of shadow hunter culture by essentially making Magnus mortal because in the eyes of shadow hunter culture a human mortal is better to love than a disgusting half demon. I mean Magnus literally recalls a time in the world where his kind were hunted by shadow hunters for fun and enslaved for fun... sounds an awful lot like chattel slavery which is something many real life black people speak about in regards to dating white people or having really any relationship with white people. And yet here we are with Magnus telling a man he's not allowed to break the law to be with his lover. Meanwhile Magnus use to be the closest thing to a chaotic neutral character we had and now he's completely conformed to the cultural morality of his lovers culture. Magnus isn't even accepted by shadow hunter society and will never be as "lucky" as Simon. Alec has basically become a gay for republican telling other shadow hunter downworlder couples that they're being oppressed because they're "bad gays" who need to learn to conform better if they want to be taken seriously.

I think about these morals being pumped into children's minds and you can tell me I'm taking this too seriously. But these are the same kinds of morals employed in JK Rowlings writing and we can all see now that those books promoted racist stereotypes and misogynistic values to young children who some of have gone onto adulthood to defend JKR as a good woman because they bought into her subliminal messaging.

Cassandra Clare has said herself that she wrote the original series at a time when she was not the most politically correct. I think the fact that she continues to try and defend some of these choices are laughable. Clary should have friends and a job outside of Jace, clary should utilize mundane medicine and promote these medicines to shadow hunters. The fact that the only form of therapy shadow hunters have are silent brothers (all of which are cisgender men who cannot begin to understand the pain of being an incest rape survivor.) Is fucking ridiculous and disgusting. The fact that Cassandra Clare refers to a racist, homophobic and misogynistic society as being "chosen" by God is DISGUSTING. Simon should have connections to Judaism and Cassandra clare should understand this AS A JEWISH PERSON HERSELF LOL. Alex should spend every waking fucking second defending and fighting for down worlders BECAUSE GUESS WHAT HE WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT MAGNUS. It's ridiculous to watch these characters become the very things they're suppose to hate and Cassandra Clare rewards them for this. It's so despicable and nobody ever discusses this and CC fans always try to sweep it under the rug but I won't fucking allow it anymore. Clary isn't a feminist until she actually does some real world feminism and puts herself before Jace end off there is no excuse. Simon isn't an advocate for mundanes and down worlders until he's taken seriously by other characters and is allowed to actually connect with his mundane heritage, and Alec isn't a gay icon until he starts raising up other gay people who aren't totally in agreement with shadow hunter morals.

My apologies for how long this is but it's something that ways down on me that I needed to say.

Thanks for the love, and rants and grievances with TSC are what this blog is also for. ;)

Jocelyn, for example, gladly left the Clave and did not return as active Shadowhunter even after Valentine’s passing because she did not want that harsh and cruel life for Clary, a society with rigid rules and ideas of supremacy over other people. Simon expresses same thoughts, the Downworlders express the same thoughts. The criticism against the Clave and the Nephilim as a whole exists throughout the series, but nothing is made of it. It is merely stated—as if that is enough—and done nothing about for the longest time.

Like you said, Clary and co. join the Clave with high positions (just like that anyway, and because making more sense with the hierarchy is not really what Clare was really into as to world-building), as if that alone sort of excuses it all. Because the Good Guys are trying to change things and in the end do it so effortlessly. As to Clary, she was barely a person to begin with. She had no life outside Simon, Jocelyn, or Luke. She had no friends, no memories of normal life that included anyone else than them. There is a brief mention about an art group Clary is angry to miss because Jocelyn wants them to move away from Brooklyn, to live with Luke. But there is no friends for Clary there, no concrete memories of any kind of having anyone else involved with her life.

The rule about not seeking out mundane medicine is never justified other than with general secrecy. Jace has no arguments for why Simon isn’t allowed, it’s just because it isn’t allowed. Diana has to hide herself and her past because she would be severely punished, but the underlying reasoning is never addressed. I think a lot of the rules exist just because law is hard but it is the law (because it’s more convenient for the story than coming up with reasons), and even though characters question laws and rules and norms that somewhat affect them, there are some they don’t challenge at all.

There is no consistency with the ideologies and values the characters have and hold. Like so many things and aspects in their interpersonal relationships that are left unaddressed and processed, the political aspect to the series is no different. For instance, sometimes the writing acknowledges Jace’s abhorrent behavior, but Clare seems to think it’s enough to say it but not make any corrective measures as to the character development even then. Similarly the Cohort rises while Robert as the Inquisitor (who knows the destruction of their ideology) and Jia as the Consul in addition to all the nameless faceless Nephilim who leave Alicante for Alec’s Clave are unable to push back in any way and fight them before it’s too late to stop others from suffering.

I think it really comes down to the same themes of everything in the series adjusting to the needs of Clare’s favorites, and in the grander scale of things, her favorite people that are the Shadowhunters. I’m sure there’s plenty people find to counter-argue this, find stuff in writing that says different—that Alec does fight for the Downworlders, that Simon still has his own connection to Judaism, that Clary does not conform to what the Clave was in Jocelyn’s time. But I also think that arguing over that is the same as arguing that Will and Jace are not the same character when all of it amounts to no change and the underlying narrative still serves Clare’s favorites.

Like great, the writing addresses some stuff in couple sentences somewhere for the sake of having it addressed, but the way it does nothing for the overarching narrative is the problem (just so it could be argued that all of it has been acknowledged, but it still holds no real substance). A lot seems to be discarded after that so we can return to the programmed schedule that is not about Simon's trauma or coping with it, his relationship with Judaism and having to abandon it because ThEy OnLy WoRsHiP rAzIeL, Clary fusing into the Clave she supposedly despised, and Alec doing everything and fuck all being Consul. I just don't think Clare is that capable an author or that she even realizes any of it.

[meep9898]

"...Wait, are you actually blushing Boss?"

It took Satsuki a bit to regain her balance after being shoved away by her superior on account of all the wobbling the fat caking her body, but that didn't matter right now. A positively radiant smile was immediately plastered on her face, illuminating her cute chubby cheeks a rosy color.

"You really do like me! I-I thought I was just being stupid, having a crush on someone like ya, so fuckin' strong and beautiful, but ya actually like me!"

It's taking the hogette all of her very limited willpower to resist running over to glomp Rika, knowing that she will follow through on her threats, so she's instead doing a giddy dance to burn off the rush she was feeling before doubling down on her offer.

"Sorry Boss, looks like losing weight ain't an option now, this li'l lady has her face far too deep in her trough~ Oh, and I'm going the kick the ass of any guy who stays in this room for more than 10 seconds by the way. I don't give a SHIT how fat I am, I'm still in the top 5 around here Go on, git."

Leaning forward and staring while her gut is hanging out in the open room breeze, the redhead just did the unthinkable by refusing a direct order. Her masochism has no bounds and the delinquent's basically begging to be bullied in any way imaginable while those who took her threat seriously or don't give a shit themselves about this entire situation shuffle out of the room to give Rika a little more breathing room.

"Can it, airhead! What are ya smilin' for? Are ya deaf?"

Irritating. That's what this whole situation was. Not only had Satsuki ignored one of her orders, but she was also blabbering on and on about her romantic illusions. Maybe she tolerated having the ginger around because of the previous sausage fest there was at the base, or maybe she felt some sort of attachment towards the porker since she viewed herself as her master and trainer, but that was the extention of their relationship. There was no way she had any deeper feelings for the ridiculous redhead.

"The rest of ya, leave the room now or ya'll wake up toothless and with less neurons than ya already have! This one's mine and none of ya get the pleasure of watchin'. NOW!"

While the lovey-dovey high the chubby gal was riding may have caused her to misinterpret Rika's words again, surely seeing the rowdy ruffian rolling up her sleeves was enough to get the message across. She was probably in for the beating of a lifetime.

"Ya made me look stupid in front of everyone. You deserve to have me bashin' yer skull and draggin' your limp and bloody fatass all over the street. I should break each of yer bones and kick all that lard out of ya...But since ya love bein' a careless cow so much, I have a punishment much more suitin' for ya. Ya wanna be fat? Good, 'cause ya won't be movin' a damn finger ever again after I'm done with ya!"

[respondedinkind]

Khan's initial hesitation upon spotting the other's vehicle doesn't necessarily has much to do with the fact that the chosen means of transportation manifests in a Motorbike, of everything it could have been... but rather of the fact that this will result in them being within close proximity for a while, something Khan himself isn't too fond of when it comes to individuals he's unfamiliar with... and doesn't fully trust, for the matter.

But then, he supposes that James must feel similar - the exchanged gazes between them tell as much - and yet he still keeps his offer, and so they end up seated on the bike before speeding off into whatever direction seems to be the right one.

Thankfully so, the ride is uneventful and doesn't take too long; Khan had been holding onto the other with one of his hands, fingers firmly clasped around a shoulder, which was sufficient enough to keep him stable and seated securely. The hand is gone as soon as the Motorboke comes to a halt and Khan gets off swiftly, his motions telling that this hasn't been his first time to get off such a vehicle to begin with.

No words are shared, however, until they enter what must be the metal-armed man's apartment. The scent of the air inside hits Khan's nose first - not because it's bad by any means, just because it's unfamiliar and personal, in a way, and he's always been a man to rely heavily on his superior senses.

That means he can smell the feline before it even appears on front of them; Blue eyes linger on it, take in the sight of the animal, the way it approaches him and starts to rub up against his clothed leg, leaving behind an array of stark white fur basically shining against the black fabric of his pants. No, he's not allergic to cats. In fact, Khan isn't allergic to anything, neither can he get sick - details the other has no clue about, details he won't tell James about just yet.

He listens to the spoken words of his host, watches him gesture over to where the bathroom is supposed to be; A bright gaze trails for a few more moments, takes in the sight of his surroundings before Khan shrugs off his long coat, puts it onto one of the hooks attached to a nearby wall.

It's not a small, neither a big apartment that James-guy seems to reside within, sporting minimal but effective security, a pet as well as belongings that most human beings would hold onto. It's... sufficient, Khan concludes, and he'll surely get to know it better the longer he'll stay.

With him having shrugged off his coat, it is now visible that, apparently, a bullet has hit him back on top of that roof; The black fabric of his shirt appears even darker on his left upper arm, a hole giving free sight to an entry wound that glistens with the red liquid still oozing from the injury. It's the one bullet that third agent had managed to fire on him before Khan had impaled that larynx with a knife, then crushed it to bits---

---Rolling the shoulder attached to that injured arm, Khan turns toward the bathroom door while pulling up the hem of his shirt; He lifts it over his head, takes it off, scrunches it into a bundle of fabric before using it to wipe away some of the blood smeared all over his muscle, unfazed by the injury in any shape or form - if anything he seems to be annoyed that he has to deal with it, even hesitates for a second before pulling out that knife the other has handed him mere minutes ago.

"I won't take long.", is what he says, looking back over to the other for a moment as he opens the door to where he'll work on himself to be more presentable again. The cat appears on his feet once more, rubs its white body along his leg for a second time; Khan's attention flicks back to the animal - a she, he realizes - and he wipes his bloody hand on his pants before leaning forward, holding his fingers out for her to sniff on.

A tentative approach, simply because he does not want to spook her.

Then, he smirks, briefly so, as he rises back to full height, irises flicking over to James for one last time. "---Not allergic to cats."

And with that, he steps into the bathroom, closes the door - not fully, however, it remains ajar, the lock not clicking shut.

✮ – After pleasantries were exchanged and Bucky got the acknowledgement he needed from Khan, the mysterious man out of time, Bucky led them towards where he always kept his motorbike for special scenarios just like this one. Well, not like the current scenario of…a time traveler of sorts having to crash at his place, but more so Bucky needing to go somewhere else without tagging along with his team.

Hopping on the bike and turning it on, he simply exchanged a simple look with Khan. He most likely understood what he had to do although to Bucky he didn’t seem too confident, as if somehow the fact they were going to ride a motorbike wasn’t too convincing. Their ride to Bucky’s place in Brooklyn didn’t take long either, especially considering the time. They used the elevator which didn’t look exactly too modern but not ancient either, and fished his keys to unlock the door to his apartment on the fourth floor. Sharon had insisted Bucky tried to upgrade his security system somehow, to have an electronic lock on the door or cameras (he only had one and that was for Alpine’s safekeeping), but it just felt right the way it was. He didn’t have anything against modern times and technology, but he was still trying to get used to it being around all the time.

Upon opening the door, a soft mewl could be heard from the other side. Bucky turned the lights on before stepping in completely as a white cat with blue eyes mewled again, nuzzling against his leg and purring. He allowed Khan to step in as well, asking for him to close the door behind him before the cat took interests on their guest.

Bucky knew right away what kind of gears were turning in lil’ Alpine’s head: who was that guy? Why did he smell so…interesting? She was already slowly padding towards him, tail not tall but not low either. She was being cautious, wanting to understand whether he was friend or foe.

She mewled again and pressed her face against Khan’s leg, rubbing her body against it time and time again.

“That’s Alpine”, Bucky told him, “You’re not allergic to cats, are ya?” He asked with an amused tone in his voice, making his way to his bedroom just to drop part of his gear onto the floor. “Bathroom’s on the first door to your right. Take your time, I’ll make us some food”, Bucky said loud enough for him to hear. Meanwhile, Alpine stretched right next to Khan and decided to trot her way towards her water fountain: it was green and white, and it had a cute little daisy on top which acted as the fountain itself from which the cat kept herself hydrated.

Bucky’s apartment wasn’t big but neither small. It had two bedrooms, one that was usually empty with a neatly made bed, and another one which Bucky used as his main bedroom (although he rarely slept there). The bathroom was decent in size, it had a shower with a bathtub, and it had a small window which served both as a light source and a great ventilation system. The kitchen had an open space concept and it was right next to the living room, mixed with the dinning room: a couch that fit two people rather comfortably, a small coffee table (with some unopened candy bars on top) and a flat screen tv, a small rounded dinning table, and two chairs. Something that stood out from this medium sized unit was the size of the windows: Bucky had classic American blinds in brown, made out of good quality wood. He liked how those offered privacy but allowed some light to filter during the day.

The decor was rather minimal or if anything, non existent: Alpine had a small stash of toys inside a small box, her water fountain was around as previously mentioned, a scratching pole and a comfortable, fluffy circular bed in light blue. Besides Alpine’s many things, there were also at least twenty to thirty books all lined up nicely in a small bookshelf close to the window. The colors of the book spines were all different but Bucky mostly kept books from the fantasy genre such as his neatly kept collection of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, but there were also other books related to philosophy and mechanical engineering. 

In the corner not far from the couch, there was a modern looking record player. The type that can connect to a speaker via bluetooth, and a small collection of vinyls neatly kept next to it.

[sweetwolfcupcake]

Allurement: Waves

Yandere Namjoon x Reader

The scantily-leaved trees held on to the last of their dying offspring. But the west-winds seemed to be unbothered, trying to tear away those leaves from the branches as the rest, hued in dull to bright shades of nature danced along on the ground.

And a few crushed beneath (Y/N)'s shoes, it would have been a fun activity: crushing dried leaves under her shoes. But she was rushing towards the car waiting for her.

"So quick!" Park Jimin, as sweet and polite as the man could be, was no less a sassy hellion if he required to be. And of all, he loved to sass around her the best. But most of the time, he did have a good reason to.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I woke up late." (Y/N) was quick to apologise, as she passed him a sheepish smile while taking a seat beside him.

"You are lucky that I like you, besides, we can always drive a bit faster, or take the shortcut? So do put on your seatbelt." he smiled at her before the car roared to life and the wheels came to life and the car went off.

It had not been too long since she had begun working under Mr Kim as his secretary, temporary secretary. About three months or so. But the previous autumn, when he had put forth the proposal of giving her the job, it did not feel long ago, while in reality. it had been a year, a whole, complete revolution of the earth around the Sun and there she was, riding with Jimin to her workplace- the Kim Group of Companies' headquarters, where the respected young CEO sat and operated from.

And within a year, nothing seemed to have changed, the water of life seemed to be stagnant. But she could feel the change, deep, greater changes like upheaval in the ocean, the waves, gigantic, monstrous, terrifying. Threatening to drown her. There was so much that had changed.

Park Jimin was a great company and an excellent friend. She had found out soon after the bond of friendship had been established between the two.

Kim Namjoon was an excellent boss and that, her job as his secretary, as reasonably draining, had so much to learn from. She admired Miss Choi for her efficiency, (Y/N) had so much more to learn, both from her job as well as her employer.

And she also discovered, gradually of course, that behind the all too sophisticated, groomed gentleman laid a clumsy gentle giant who would often burn his fingers trying to make himself a cup of coffee, or even trying to pass on hot food and drinks to her. And it was devastatingly endearing.

But most of all, (Y/N) had learnt that her mother was dying. The illness was eating her mother away, chipping away her health and endurance and there was nothing (Y/N) could do about it, nothing could prevent the inevitable. So she made peace with the fact, even though she knew that deep within, she was dreading the day her mother's sunken eyes would close for eternity. But she came to accept the fact that her mother could not be saved. All she could do was to make peace with the tragedy of life, that lied within the shortness of it.

So on the surface, (Y/N)'s life was calm and stable as a lake, yet the giant waves of changing wind terrified her under the same surface.

----

"You have a meeting with the lead investors this morning, the files and reports have been arranged at your desk." she listed off from her phone gifted by the company. It was not the day's schedule, a day in Kim Namjoon's life was nothing if it could not be defined as 'busy', it was the first half of a typical Monday morning in the company.

As soon as she was done, which was rather quickly, she placed a cup of steaming brew in front of her employer- double expresso with two cubes of sugar- just the way he liked it. Mr Kim smiled at her appreciatively. It was one of the many things she liked about him and admired. He never took his employees for granted, he had never failed to let her know that he appreciated her efforts to keep his day running smoothly and sorting things out for him.

"Thank you (Y/N), I hope you had your share of morning booster as well?" she nodded with a faint smile playing on her lips before handing off the files to him as she began to brief him regarding the topics and issues he and the company had been working on.

The projects and the required consumptions and stock- price data. It was not every day that the investors would gather at the conference room, but since a new project at hand was to begin, a meeting with the investors was required.

"Well, the reports look good (Y/N), did Mr Min mail you the required files?"

"Yes, the deal was explained there. He would be presenting along with you, it is regarding the profit margin and how the chances of loss and risk are low this time," she explained, to which he nodded

"Yes, and I require you to be with me in this meeting."

"Of course I will be with you, Sir, I am your secretary."

"No, I mean sit beside me, you won't be standing behind as you have been. And I expect all your focus on the presentation, okay? There is so much you would be learning from this." she gave him an obedient nod with a small smile.

She did not intend to disappoint him at any cost. Mr Kim was her role model, she looked up to him. Given, that she despised the spotlight and the position of CEO was not for her, but she was found herself to be a perfect fit for the position of secretary.  Despite how demanding her job could get, Mr Kim was an excellent boss and mentor. He was at ease, most of the time. At most, she had seen his eyes grow cold and jaws clenched, perhaps only twice, that too if something went seriously downhill. It was a sliver of what might be laying under the controlled and calm persona. He was a human too after all.

She made her way towards her desk as soon as the briefing was over. Mr Kim's office was massive, and he did not wish to waste time on having to ring her to come to his office, thus he had a desk for her arranged in his office itself. It was kind of a mini-open office, her boss and her working under the same roof, no barriers between them, she could approach him anytime she wanted to and he did not need a phone anymore to summon her.

They had settled into a routine like that. She would begin her day by bringing him his much-needed cup of coffee and listing the first half of his morning schedule, then she could begin with her works of arranging files, stacking reports, sending emails, scanning through and replying to the mails, researching on the potential business partners, making and answering phone calls, deciding and listing appointment and other project-related materials those were deemed necessary by Mr Kim.

And all the months of working under him had been able to provide her with a unique perspective of him. There were so many things she would have never been able to discover otherwise, for instance, the fact that he loved crabs- not on his plate- but on his palms as he would gently cradle those tiny creatures whenever he would come across them. He even owned a crab, a pet crab. She would not have known had he not rambled off regarding his love for crabs while he had ordered gourmet food for them when she was required to stay some extra hours, which was a frequent occurrence. The workload could be a bit too much for him to handle, besides, those extra hours consisted far less of work one would expect and more of them talking, she had finally been able to let him enter her comfort zone, she would be damned if she had not. He had been exceptionally generous to her, he was kind and approachable, time and again he had proved it, both as a superior as well as a person.

He was warm, gentle and funny, unintentionally funny. Especially when he would break his glasses more than once a month, it would be a miracle if his AirPods would not be lost within the first week of purchase. And while his constant misplacement of files and other such important documents had managed to make her purse her lips in annoyance more than once. The warm, dimpled sheepish smile had did not allow the annoyance to remain. Because even if he would be exhausted after a day's of overwhelming work, he would not forget to wish her good night before they left the office, because even if she would be a bit late with her coffee, he never threw a fit like one would expect the boss to do. And because despite his busy schedule, he would manage to inquire about her mother's health.

Mr Kim was different. He was everything any woman would crave for and desire. And despite not being the one with shallow indulgence, she had found herself falling for her employer. It did not happen overnight. It was a gradual process, like sleep.

(L/N)(Y/N) was in love with Kim Namjoon, her boss, the heir of the legendary Kim Group of Companies.

And it had been so easy to fall in love with that man. Despite her previous reservations. And she was well-aware that the love would go tragically unreciprocated. They were worlds apart in more than one ways, the social gap, the economic gap, the professional. Everything laid in front of her to see, understand and accept the fact that her love for Kim Namjoon could not bridge the distance between the moon and a mere earthly admirer. To him, she would be many of the faceless women waiting for his attention and thronging around him if he came to know about her newfound feelings. And she did not want that to happen. She did not wish to ruin the sweet, friendly professional bond she had established with him.

And yet, she could not help the bittersweet blooms in her heart every time she would see him smile. Because she knew that sooner or later, he would be having a much warmer smile, eyes shining with love and adoration for a woman who would own his heart. It was impossible for a man like Kim Namjoon to remain single for long, he was the country's most eligible bachelor after all. Or perhaps he already had someone special in his heart, a secret lover perhaps. The mere thought dimmed her mood and often made her shoulders slump.

Of all the massive, daunting waves threatening to crash upon her, her newfound romantic attachment to her employer was the most terrifying one. Because she knew that wave would come crashing down and drown her. And that single wave against all others frightened her the most because it threatened to cause upheaval on the calm surface of her life and become the cause of her ultimate demise.

****

Taglist(Kindly remind me later if I missed anyone)- @whatpageisthis @amoc94 @theresa-nam-nam-me @dearbambideer @casualminiaturetimemachine @njrwifey @kpopisnicee @illnevertrustmyselfagain @potterbrooke @luvaffaire @bighitfics @mochimochipie @vixenwerr

[kyrdjava]

Hello everyone. Sorry for the bad English, it's not my first language.

My name is Daria and I'm a neurodivergent queer woman, who really doesn't know where else to go for help.

I have a borderline personality disorder and a recurrent depressive disorder. Right now I'm not taking any medication or getting any therapy, and things got so bad I can't ignore them anymore.

I've delt with depressive episodes and my BPD acting up before, but only once it was so bad, and that time I ended up in the mental ward after a suicide attempt.

My episode started in spring and it only got worse since. Right now it's at the point where I'm seriously struggling with doing the most basic things; it's hard to wake up, to do my bed, to shower, to feed my cats, to makeyself a cup of tea. Cooking or dying my hair seems an impossible task. Going to work exhausts me to the point I can just stop in the corridor on my way to the office, because I just can't move anymore. I'm not even talking about losing interest and ability to enjoy my favourite things, I'm loooong past that. Now even food can't make me feel better.

I am extremely tired all the time no matter how much I sleep. I've lost appetite almost completely. I'm suicidal. Yesterday I caught myself on planning a visit to a lawyer to make a will. I'm 27, for fuck's sake, should I be thinking of this right now?

Plus, my BPD is making me super sensitive to the littlest things. I can crash and have a meltdown because a customer told me I sound like a robot. I'm constantly suppressing the tears, because when I stop for a moment and try to think of my situation, I get into so much despair, I can start wailing in public.

I have a pretty stable job (thought they cut my pay just a few weeks ago), but due to all my issues my performance is suffering severely. I work in customer support, where I have to be nice and cheerful all my 12 hours working day. I cannot. I became rude, inattentive and indifferent. My superiors already noticed that, and I'm not sure how much longer they will keep me around. Now it is the worst fucking time in my country to try and find a new job, so I really can't afford losing it.

Now to the point why I don't ask my family and friends. I have a moderately supportive family, though our relationship is kinda complicated, and an amazing best friend who always volunteers to help me. But a disaster struck us a few days ago, and now all our finances are going there. And by all I mean even my siblings' who don't even live with us anymore.

Our oldest cat is very, very sick. She has cancer; she needs a lot of medication, regular checkups and tests, blood transfusions and specialised diet.

If you ever had a sick pet, you know how incredibly expensive it can become, and I'm constantly crushed by immense guilt that I can't afford everything my cat (and my three other cats) may ever need. So everything I earn goes towards their needs, except for basic necessities like food, hygiene and transportation. I simply won't let my pathetic self spend any more on myself, when my Musya is suffering so much.

And considering how much everyone in my family has given and continues to give for Musya's treatment, I really, really can't ask them for fucking anything ever fucking again.

I also won't let myself ask my best and only friend for money, because she provides for her whole family, and the crisis wasn't kind to her either.

I also have a shit ton of debts I'm trying to pay right now, that I got in when I tried to change my job (and failed), and also because I eas really stupid towards my finances before.

So I came here. I calculated the amount needed for a single visit to my psychiatrist and roughly a month of medication (if it would be the same medication I've been prescribed before), and it comes to about 150$. I don't even know if it's possible to raise such an amount, but I've seen people try to do it on Tumblr, and I am desperate.

So, here's a link to my Buy Me A Coffee, that I made yesterday.

https://www.buymeacoffee.com/kyrdjava

I've never used it before, but I did a little research and it seems like an only option, considering the country I live in.

If I'll be able to raise the needed amount, in, say, a couple of months, I will post all the receipts for my doctor's appointment and all the meds, so you can be sure all the money was used as intended. Even if I won't, every donation will be spent on Musya's health, and, of course, I will post all the receipts also.

[pridepoisoned]

[LOSING CONTROL] @rockheadcd asked: ⛓ go fuck up mine boy a lil. :) (no longer accepting/please see tags!!) (feat. @electrivolt !!)

"It's a shame that we have to finally meet like this," Jupiter declares, idly picking at a nail as she leans back in Roark's rickety swivel chair, clad in her full Galactic gear. The tiny Oreburgh Gym office is a complete mess, empty Pokeballs and fallen documents scattered across the dusty floor.

At Jupiter's feet lies the Gym Leader in question--her unlucky target on this inky-black evening--his shaken body curled against the locked door as he tries not to focus on the Skuntank tail hovering just inches from his face.

It smells absolutely rancid in these cramped quarters, the omnipresent smirk on the Commander's lips hidden by the black protective mask covering both her mouth and nose. Roark is afforded no such luxury, and Jeleva's wafting scent inflames every shuddering breath, makes tears spring to his eyes.

Skuntank's disgusting fumes aren't necessarily lethal, but every second spent unmasked in this room is decidedly unhealthy and torturous, a burning assault on the senses.

Roark doesn't deserve this. Any of it. Just a short while ago, he had been going above and beyond as a Leader by responding to a distress call from his Gym in the dead of night, only for Jupiter to viciously ambush him once he stepped foot inside the building. In a fair fight, the experienced miner-battler would probably emerge victorious...but Jupiter never fought those fights. Within moments, she had subdued the shocked Roark, using her team to drag him into the back office--far away from prying eyes.

It's unfair, underhanded...but Roark never stood a chance. Slumped against the door now, glasses laying at his side, he can only keep breathing under Jeleva's beady watch as his captor finally begins to explain herself.

"You have a dear friend," Jupiter states matter-of-factly, her eyes narrowing as friend is spat with disgust. "I don't know if he's informed you of his...misadventures, but he's been acting like quite the rebel lately. Interrupting Galactic plans. Physically assaulting grunts in your mines. Unacceptable behavior."

She's careful to leave out any mention of Volkner's secret alliance--with a few more pushes towards insanity, the Sunyshore Gym Leader would undoubtedly break all on his own...and the Commander is hoping to have a front-row seat to the collapse. For Jupiter, Roark is merely a pawn...a tool used to further drive her 'plaything' towards madness. Arceus, how she hated him.

"Insolence will not be tolerated. Interfering with our grand vision will not be tolerated," Jupiter explains, her voice hardening with anger. "You will talk some sense into that feral dog and end his little vigilante experiment, or the consequences will continue to escalate." She rises from the seat, squatting down in front of Roark's fallen frame, her gleaming purple eyes boring into him like Oreburgh's drills. "However, if both of you can stay in line and behave, there will be no reason for us to see each other again. Wouldn't you hate for there to be further...collateral damage?"

With a humorless laugh, Jupiter straightens up again, looming over the Gym Leader as she extracts a spare mask from her suit pocket and casually drops it on his head. There's a flash of red light as Jeleva is mercifully returned to her Ball, and then one more brutal swing--the Commander drives her boot hard into Roark's side to move him from the doorway, glasses falling from his shaken grasp. Without a second thought, Jupiter crushes the lenses under heel as she exits.

It's classless bully behavior, but Galactic's enforcer allows herself to revel in the fleeting moment of superiority. Roark's office is a mess--terrible fumes already contaminating the main Oreburgh Gym--and the miner is only faring slightly better. It won't be long until Volkner hears about this, like she knows he will. Jupiter's smile widens. She'll be long gone from here by then. I hope you'll receive my message loud and clear, brat.

Insolence will always be punished.

[fireemblems24]

I am so glad you pointed out the imperialist vibes Edelgard has sometimes. As someone who lives in a country who was basically occupied ahem conquered because they said "we have better ideas that will improve your lives" and had our culture absolutely shattered, one of the main reasons why I disagree with Edelgard so much is because of that. She thinks her point of view is superior and the most morally right and I really don't like it whenever she sounds so confused about people defending their homeland. Especially that one line she has with Dimitri in Chapter 17 ffffff—

Like, girl, they have the fucking right to disagree with you please stop sounding so confused as to why they can't see eye to eye with you gahhhhh

I would be more tolerant with the war if she had say, did diplomacy before it? But she tried to had Dimitri and Claude killed in Part I (the prologue). I would also understand her better if the war was a last resort and the other leaders were corrupt and all that. But they're not. Many of the students (who have power because many are noble heirs) outside her house are heavily affected by the nobility and Crests (Sylvain, Ingrid, Mercedes, Lysithea, etc.) or at least understanding of the problems caused by them (Dimitri). It's so frustrating how so much of this can be prevented if she just talked about it.

Also, to those who said she wants the change to be quick, even with war it won't be. The fucking war basically caused continent-wide damage. It's going to be so hard to actually fix this. Hell, there's definitely going to be an eventual rebellion by former Kingdom / Alliance people or sympathisers. It's not going to be as clean cut as the game or some pro-Edelgard people make it to be. Not everyone is going to agree with her, whether she takes over or not. She just destroyed the stability of the continent and while yes, she can rebuild it again, it will still take time and who's to say future leaders won't be corrupt? Also, a hierarchy will always exist, whether she likes it or not. Especially if she plans to set up a meritocracy. Meritocracy is going to usually end up giving power and privilege to those with already pre-existing privilege as they the opportunity to show off their merits or develop those skills. Poor and disabled people are going to have difficulty as they don't have equal opportunity to develop skills and accomplish stuff. I'm generalising, but it just ends up as a hierarchy, again. Not only that, it also has ways to enforce discrimination.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is, she needs to long term plan out her systems. I apologise since I have bad memory but as far as I remember, the game doesn't give us too many details on how she wants to establish her system. All I remember is she does the war > Church / Rhea out of power > Establish her government > ???. Someone please clear this up for me because I'm confused.

...and again really, diplomatic reforms are an option. Yes, they're much more tedious. Yes, they take so much more longer. Yes, sometimes it feels impossible to accomplish. But did she not even consider it as an option?

All in all, I do like Edelgard. But I really wish the game let us go against her while we're with her? I wish it wasn't just general "agree with Edelgard" for CF. I remember someone pointing it out to me before that it would've been really great if she had someone in her house who does the same role Felix does in AM... which is basically disagree and call out the lord's shit. And they pointed out Ferdinand could've probably been that character for CF. And I kinda agree? I really think CF would immensely improve if Edelgard had a challenger / foil to her beliefs similar to how Felix does that for Dimitri.

Anyway, sorry for the very long ask lol. I like Edelgard and I agree with some of her morals and ideals such as the crest system being bad but....she's done so dirty asdfghjkl. I do think she's written well enough to incite these emotions in me, and she makes for a good antagonist. As a protagonist lord however.... yeah.

First off, sorry it took so long to respond, but I wanted to give an equally throughout response. 

While I haven’t gotten to chapter 17 yet, I can attest to the notion that Edelgard’s rhetoric is eerily similar to Imperialist propaganda. I do understand this is fiction, and that it’s okay to hand-wave/enjoy things in fiction that you shouldn’t or wouldn’t in real life. Crimson Flower has its charms and parts I enjoy. Edelgard is an interesting character more hampered by things that plague Three Houses as a whole than anything else, but it’s still worth examining how dangerous her rhetoric is. Because, unlike you, my country sits at the opposite end - the Imperialist nation selling that rhetoric to its citizens, and, unfortunately, at the time I bought it - which makes me really sensitive to this. 

I’m from the US and I’m specifically speaking about the US’s invasion of the Middle East. I was in middle or high school, just barely a teenager, and naive and ignorant enough to believe what my leaders said. Because guess what? I bought into it out of misplaced and ignorant (and racist) compassion. I was horrified at the idea these people were suffering unfairly just because of where they were born whereas I got all these promised privileges just because of where I was born. I really thought the US would go in there and give them democracy and everything would be great. Looking back, I realize they were lying, that we’ve only made things worse, that it’s horribly racist to assume the US was just inherently better, and I’ve sense then gained access to fast-speed internet, traveled, matured, etc . . . and thankfully this all happened before I had any actual power to do anything like vote. But to this day I’m beyond pissed off they used my own compassion against me to line their own pockets. It was ignorant and racist, but it was all based in concern that others didn’t have the same quality of life I had and a growing realization of my own privilege. And that’s what I hate so much. It didn’t sound evil. It sounded good. It used people’s good will and compassion against them and twisted it into evil for their own causes. 

I don’t think Edelgard is after Faerghus and the Alliance because she wants oil. I think she honestly thinks she’s doing good. And, if this were real life, I think that makes her rhetoric even more dangerous than a corrupt politicians’.  Because everything else is still the same. She’s being ignorant, nationalist instead of racist in this case, and honestly thinks her moral superiority will improve everyone’s lives even if it means ravaging the entire content in war. She is dangerously naive and ignorant. 

Maybe I’d support her more morally if I believed for an instant the general populace welcomed the changes she wants to bring, if the leaders she fought against weren’t open and wanting change themselves, ect . . . But the dialogue indicated her presence inspires people running and screaming in terror, not welcoming her presence (see the chapter where you kill Claude). The Kingdom is still fighting tooth and nail against her. She’s not supported. Her changes aren’t wanted. And she hasn’t bothered to learn a single thing about the cultures she’s determined to squash under her heal nor the leaders heading them. 

I also think I’d support her better if we had a clearer idea of what her plans were. But CF has shifted from Edelgard speaking about interesting ideas and classism to evil dragon overlords and chastising Byleth for making her blush. The decision to side with her or Rhea is not choosing between two ideals, but an emotional, spur of the moment thing. Edelgard’s early supports with Byleth attempt to convince the player to side with her not based on political ideals, but on feeling sorry for her. 

CF gives you no choice but to agree with everything Edelgard says (as you said, there’s no “Felix” or a “Lorenz”). It wants you to support her war without question, and therefore you don’t get any answers to questions like - if this is really just about Rhea, why are we invading the Alliance? Because they won’t hand power over to you? Why didn’t you just stick to the Empire to enact your changes? In the end, you’re left with what sounds more and more like an entitled Imperialistic princess with absolutely no idea how ignorant she is hell bent on conquering what she thinks belongs to her based on a conspiracy theory. 

All that said, I do think Edelgard has interesting ideas and isn’t wholly wrong, just how she goes about it is horribly wrong. And I fully believe the core issue is how CF has dropped the ball big time writing wise, because diving deeper into her ideas and not her crush on you would go a long way. So would shifting the narrative away from evil boogey dragon lady must die and everyone else is wrong and I am superior and right and more towards a clashing of ideals, this route could’ve been a lot more and seemed a lot less ignorant, naive, entitled, and Imperialistic. 

[rawliverandcigarettes]

If you're still willing to do the character meme, I won't ask about Aria since you already discussed her at length not that long ago, but /is/ there a character you would like to talk about but which is, shall we say, less obvious than Mordin ? Basically, [Insert Character Here] for the meme. No pressure though.

Hey, thank you for the freedom (and so very sorry about how late I am ;_;)! I pondered a lot about who I wanted to ramble around, and I think I've been in a big Miranda mood lately so I'm going to talk about Miss Lawson!

favorite thing about them: her relationship with expectations and accomplishment/self-definition. The more I replay the game, the more that specific aspect of her deeply touches me, to the point where I discover myself relating to her more than with any other character in the games. She’s at once trying to follow an impossible blueprint, being expected to behave perfectly because she was “made that way” (whatever perfect means, in this instance the weirdly fetishist definition of a weird rich white guy), but at the same time if she expresses these controlling behaviors towards herself or others, she’s bossy and unlikeable. It’s almost like she’s been made to play a game she cannot win! (not to excuse the shitty controlling things she does to Shepard’s body and the fact she’s literally in a pro-human terrorist ring, but this mess does make a lot of sense with who she is, her envy, how she was shaped) Her relationship to Oriana is also very sweet (I almost always shed a tear at the end of her loyalty mission, I don’t know why this gets me when it’s so hard to get to my tearducts in videogames!!!), because in a way it’s also about Miranda showing herself compassion, and revealing her yearning at a second chance she’ll never have but can only offer to someone else.

least favorite thing about them: unoriginal, but the fixation on the butt? It’s a fanbase thing pushed by the game and its weird fixation on it, but... yeah, while I don’t mind that she uses her sexuality as a form of powermove (people are going to be gross about her anyway, may as well own it and make it do work for her, I get that), I think the fixation on the butt iiis weird and quite deshumanizing and it completely glosses over her great boobs COME ON PEOPLE

favorite line: I don’t remember the specifics, but the entire dialogue where she talks about the complex relationship she has with envy. Envy of Shepard, envy of Mordin, envy of everyone who was allowed and encouraged to express their full potential without feeling like they own all their accomplishments to the person who made them, and all their failures to themselves. She was designed to shine, and then made to step in the shadow of, mostly, “greater men” (her father, TIM, even MShep in the “default” way ME2 was marketed). This sucks!!!! I feel that so bad!!!!  

brOTP: I mentioned her and Mordin in Mordin’s ask, and I still enjoy that quite a lot! I also saw several mentions of Miranda and Grunt bonding over being “made”, and I am won over. This is very cute. But to be honest she strikes me as severely lonely because she’s crippled with her inner battle against herself and can be cold and offputting as a mean to assess control, so I think it takes her a long time to open up to anyone in the Normandy crew --especially since nobody likes her really. Perhaps she could have courteous exchanges with people like Samara or Thane, but I don’t see her baring her soul to any of them before perhaps late in ME3 (Citadel DLC and such). I like the potential of what her relationship to Oriana could end up looking like too, obviously!

OTP: honestly I really like a well-made Miranda/Jack. It can absolutely have this catty/porny “hot girls fighting” vibe which is not mine personally, but I think having Miranda reconciling with her own story of objectification/grooming at the hands of Cerberus alongside Jack is interesting, as well as allowing herself some leeway and tap into more spontaneity would really help. Jack, on the other hand, might need someone stabler to allow for her growth, and someone she can also somewhat hold accountable. I feel like that’s a delicate thread and I’m not even sure this would be the kind of relationship that *should* last given how intricately linked Jack’s history of trauma is to Miranda, but I enjoy the idea of a post-war relationship that takes slow steps and allow both of them to calm down, reconsider and heal. I saw mentions of Miranda and Kaidan, and I don’t hate it either! I think he would pair with her quite well, be a good support and they could have a nice equal relationship. Miranda and Jacob could be a thing? But I don’t entirely understand what their dynamic would have been like so I’m left grabbing at straws here (and she seems to be quite formal towards Jacob all things considered so I’m wondering what that even looked like).

nOTP: I don’t really have one. Even the really bad ones (like Illusive ManXMiranda) could be interesting if written well, even if they are repulsive in other aspects. I guess her relationship with MShep can irk me if “poorly written”, as it can absolutely make her that femme fatale prize of MShep that deny her that equal recognition I understand her to crave.

random headcanon: I HC that, despite being quite dominant in the ME2 love scene, her romantic behavior would be a little more muted once she trusts her partner (I believe she did that whole show to impress Shepard and try to control/maintain a sense of superiority because she’s afraid to be crushed by a stronger force than her, as mentioned above). I think she needs to be vulnerable in private and strong in public to be at her more confident/healthiest mentally, but I’m not even sure she’s ready to express that desire to herself yet (or maybe by mid ME3).

unpopular opinion: I’m not sold on Miranda wanting a “normal life” necessarily as presented in the Citadel DLC? I think she does need to relax and stop putting so much pressure on herself for sure, but I still believe she also wants to become her own beacon, the hero of her own causes, defined by herself. I wish we could have seen her become a little more of that before the end of the game (like the organizer of a movement aiming at taking down Cerberus from the inside-out, something like that, unrelated to her father/her genetics). I don’t know how I feel about us telling her (especially in the romance) to “just chill out and have a normal life”, while in ME2 she had trouble with finding her own success and didn’t ask to be made lesser. She didn’t want to be normal for its own sake, she wanted to be normal so she could exist without the shadow of everyone that defined her getting in the way (I also believe that’s why Cerberus’ views spoke to her, as warped and messed up as they are --their goal is very much about self-definition, at any cost). But it’s possible I’m projecting, I wouldn’t put it past me. :) :) :)

(From: https://rawliverandcigarettes.tumblr.com/post/659045472796803072/mushroom-cookie-bears-send-me-a-character-and)

[dangomilkies]

oc; lixue cherith

Name: Lixue Aria Cherith

Age: 24

Date of birth: December 2, 1997

Relatives: Uriel Cherith (father), Meihui Cherith (mother - deceased), Jian Cherith (twin brother)

Appearance: Lixue is an attractive young woman in her early twenties, she has a slender, tall body with ample bust size and fair complexion. Lixue's hair color is snow white, long past her hips, she has old, rose-pink, almond-shaped eyes. She takes her appearance from her mother but has inherited her father's hair color.

Personality: Lixue is far more aloof and distant compared to her twin brother, Jian. Being born with fae blood, she takes her role as a spellcaster seriously out of wishes from her parents; she does have some carefree moments but is usually constrained due to her father being stricter with her than her brother. Lixue is knowledgeable in both facts and fiction and has little to no imagination due to her knowing reality and fiction, this notion gets shattered later on upon joining Chaldea. She both tends to view things both logically and emotionally although her emotions tend to get ahead of her when she views sentimental things that resonate with her. She also shows some vulnerable and sentimental side one needed to get close to her to see for themselves such as being embarrassed or timid even shows vulnerable side when she is reminded of something she truly cares about.

Besides her brother, when she began to open up to people, she is revealed to be bitter about the death of her mother and the cynicism of her father additionally being born with Divine Patterns instead of magic circuits additionally added sourness to her views in life, while she considers this as a blessing in disguise for not getting through the trouble of teaching and excruciating training, she also finds this as a curse as it deprives her of being able to live a normal and fulfilling life upon knowing how dangerous the magecraft can be if she pushed herself to the limit. Her mother's death caused her tremendous guilt and trauma that she could've used her magecraft to protect them instead of running away like a coward and criticized herself for not being useful without knowing that acting helpless during an attack is normal as she herself, is just a child.

She is affectionate, even goofy, and caring towards people she selectively opens herself to or known to not take advantage of her. Outside of that, she is dismissive, blunt, and plain cold to anyone.

Her staying in Chaldea initially she is stoic and only was there as an intern, she even treated Mash Kyrielight as someone else. It wasn't until she is approached by Romani Archaman and his cheery demeanor kind of weirded her out until he sympathizes with her and gladly would be willing to be a shoulder to lean on. She soon comes to value his company and Mash's and became a second family to them before long. She soon began to change her perception of life but still clings to gray morality by being neutral on feuds as she doesn't want to get involved. She began to value her brother and even knew of his crush on Mash.

Lixue may be forgiving but this is to numb down and bury the feelings than to let it all out, sealing those feelings may hurt her in the long run but she sometimes would suppress those feelings. She may forgive someone who wronged her but she never forgets and would often avoid them as it's a thorny subject for her.

She is somewhat of a hypocrite as well and isn't afraid to admit it, while she values the honesty of others, she is not honest with herself and even would lie to downplay a serious situation which will lead to a worst-case scenario.

Lixue is noted to be hardworking on both mage-related and academics to the point of compromising her own health. Though this is due to her thinking overtime culture is normal.

Outside of this, she is shown a side of her being an innocent little girl such as being a picky eater, taking things at face value or in a literal sense, or even wanting to be spoiled after a huge work done.

She is known to be unresponsive when in deep thought or is delved into her work and when she gets disturbed, she has tendency to lash out as she is very concentrated.

Biography: Hailing from a family similar situation with the Fragas, except the Cherith swear an oath to the fairies and even had affairs with them, and their loyalty was rewarded via their magecraft aligning to the family’s main thaumaturgy granted that they should not reveal any trace of the fairy’s magecraft in public or to other mages, in the standard’s of the Mage’s Association, they aren’t even on top let alone the Tohsaka’s and other aptly famous lineages are more superior. The Cheriths are more aligned with elemental magecraft but some were born with Imaginary Numbers or Hollow magecraft, despite being born with fairy blood in their veins, the family still needed to learn and study from scratch albeit it increases the chance of getting Divine Patterns than Magic Circuits. Those born with Divine Patterns in the family are absolutely rare and those who were born with wouldn't live past eighteen if they kept performing magecraft more and more. When they die, their remains were preserved and transferred to another child in hopes they would inherit it, the last person who was born with Divine Patterns is in the mid-1850s. The Cheriths do not wish to involve themselves in any situation with the mages holding true to the promise, or rather, contracts made to the fairies many years ago but they seem to act like a normal family from an outsider view, the children are not well-versed with magecraft as the parents or their father thought the magecraft would be automatically ingrained into their children performing it with ease, while in reality, they are painfully mediocre due to lack of training though it wasn’t until their father's suggestion to make them practice so it won't waste away their potentials.

Those who were born with Divine Patterns were kept away from the outside world as they are known to be special and refuse any contacts besides their own family (other relatives are also shunned in fear they would be used or exposed to the Sealing Designation). They are given education at least and were trained enough, as they grow older, they are still caged and were given limited contact. These people are seen as a conduit or a channel to humans and fairies, but they keep to themselves and don't let anyone know their secret due to the family's unique circumstance that be targeted by the Enforcers.

Lixue is born to parents, Uriel and Meihui Cheriths, the twin of Jian Cherith. Since she is the fifth who possessed Divine Patterns, both Uriel and Meihui had her sheltered and raised carefully and peacefully alongside her twin Jian until they are ultimately hunted down by Enforcers, and how they are found is unknown, they are forced to flee. Meihui is killed in the process of protecting her children, causing Uriel to raise the children by himself.

Her mother, Meihui hails from a family in Hong Kong who practices shamanism, she met Uriel through a meeting when she stayed in England.

Growing up, they settled in a rural area in England where they grew up, Lixue still remembers vague memories of their mother's death. Lixue learned magecraft with ease thanks to the training she received from their father but soon wore a Mystic Code forged by her father to conceal her fae heritage only higher mages or divine beings can foresee what she really is. By using the mystic code, it forcefully suppresses her heritage and easily performing mysteries, making them weaker. Due to her unique existence, Lixue is homeschooled and trained by her father, she didn't even have any circle of friends from a young age and has a hard time socializing, and is jealous of Jian's free-spiritedness but carries on taking responsibility but also tends to remind him to practice so he won't have to rely on her.

The family currently resided in Wiveliscombe in Somerset and is away from the city, the family also owns a funeral parlor which is popular in the small town.

Lixue often aided in her father when he works in the funeral parlor. She also attended highschool and graduated, she dropped out of college in her 2nd year to fully aid with the business, her father also taught her to rely studying and learning magecraft than performing it easily if she wanted to live longer and inherit the family business.

[why-mr-spook]

Won't You Stay?

PAIRING: T’Pura

(sort of sequel to my AO3 work: Please Be Kind )

“I do not understand the purpose of this exercise.” T’Pring said, following Nyota towards the replicator at the other side of her room, despite making absolutely zero effort to lower her voice so that Christine and Janice might not hear. It was one of the many absence of subtleties that T’Pring had displayed thus far to the other women, and it was less endearing when she considered how upsetting she’d found it when directed towards herself.

“It’s a sleepover, tal-kam.” Nyota informed her girlfriend for what felt like the tenth time that day. “It’s a thing that humans do. To bond and share experiences. It enables relationships to grow.” She procured their chosen cocktail of the night, replicated in a jug with straws and umbrella sticks to boot.

“But if we’re unwelcome company, we can always leave you two to cosy up tonight?” Janice called from the bed, amusement lacing her tone. Janice, at least, could always be relied on to see the humour in things. Chris was somewhere between Nyota and Janice- witty and sharp, but not quite as  cuttingly sarcastic as Janice; her maternal instincts tended to outweigh her desire to party and drink and laugh away her time.

“That would indeed be a more efficient use of time.” T’Pring said factually, following Nyota in her path back towards the bed. 

Nyota paused, mouth fumbling for one of the straws for just a moment before she drank deeply from the jug, relishing the taste of cherry and alcohol. Hell, she needed it. “If we are to spend tomorrow evening celebrating Commander Scott’s birthday in the company of crew, why must we also give up our time this evening?”

It was almost petulant, and Nyota might have laughed outright if she wasn’t starting to get irritated. Spock was fun to tease, but T’Pring was not remotely human. She was Vulcan, through and through, and Nyota had no intention of sending her mixed signals.

“Because! They’re my friends, and I want to spend time with them. I want them to get to know you outside of card games and parties. This is just us. This is what we did before you joined the crew. If your only problem is you don’t get me all to yourself, then deal with it. If you have some other issue, then I’d rather you leave than carry on complaining at me!” An awkward silence reigned in her quarters for just a moment, and T’Pring looked rather like she’d been punched in the gut. Nyota took a deep breath, willing away her bad mood. “Of course, then I won’t get to paint your nails with the earth constellations like you wanted.”

That seemed to ease some of the tension. T’Pring’s shoulders twitched, only slightly, but enough that one of the braids fell onto her back. Looking fully reprimanded, she stuck her hand out towards Nyota and her fingers curled slowly in until she presented a Vulcan kiss. Behind the Vulcan, Chris and Janice sat on the bed giggling through their hands. Nyota fixed them with a steady glare, but neither paid her any attention. T’Pring didn’t seem to mind, though; all her focus was on Nyota, and her brows had furrowed in that particularly subtle way that indicated regret. Nyota had seen it a few times, now. Most often when she seemed to offend someone without intention. Like Spock, she valued efficiency and precision in her role as Science Officer. But T’Pring wasn’t ruthless, and she didn’t like reprimanding her team for mistakes. Especially not when she compared most Starfleet practices to the VSA, and most often came to the conclusions that Humans were too flawed to advance further in their fields. T’Pring always regretted when her conclusions made young officers or ensigns upset, and she was getting better at avoiding such incidents. With help from Nyota, of course, and – she suspected – Spock too.

“Forgive me, ashayam. On Vulcan, relationships such as Earth friendships are uncommon. Bonds are familial or romantic.”

“I know. Just, try it darling.” Nyota took the kiss and reciprocated in turn. “I promise, you’ll enjoy it. Will you have some chocolate?”

“Say you will, T’Pring!” Janice interrupted, clasping her hands together as if in prayer and kneeling on the bed towards them. “We’ve been trying to spike Spock’s drinks for months, he never falls for it! And if he does, Jim always rescues him before we see the good stuff!”

“Your intentions for your superior officers are concerning.” T’Pring replied, turning to face the girls. “Perhaps later, Janice.” She sat on the edge of the bed- ridiculously formal, compared to the rest of them in pyjamas, but with an adorable vulnerability to the action. Oh, she tried so hard for Nyota. “Nyota, please, paint my nails. I shall tell you about the day Spock and I were bonded, when he was 7.3 years and I, 7.8.”

“Oh, yes.” Christine laughed, throwing her head back. “No, that’s so much better than getting her drunk. Do, tell us T’Pring!”

Nyota smiled and sat, her earlier anger a thing of the past. While Nyota adored T’Pring, knew with certainty there was nowhere else she wanted to be, the route their relationship had taken was positively… human. And slow, at that. It was why she wanted so desperately for the girls to get to know T’Pring more, to understand where her relationship was at. It was all just… confusing. Spock had been less daunting, in a way. Or maybe Nyota had just been younger, and more stubborn. Concern seemed to flow in her veins these days, and the worry that a crush on a beautiful green woman did not necessarily equate to a healthy, long lasting relationship.

“I will not bore you with the specifics of the bonding, though it was a mutually beneficial agreement. As children, Spock and I were close, and intellectual rivals. He was, in Terran terms, a child genius.” T’Pring explained, and Nyota leaned back against the foot of the bed and found a nail file to begin her girlfriend’s manicure. She pushed away any of her doubts before she dared to touch T’Pring again, holding her hand tenderly and starting her strokes. “We were bonded at precisely midday, on Vulcan, and our parents agreed that a joint lunch would be most logical in light of the new bond. Of course, we were both well versed in meditation and Surak’s teachings by the age of seven, and none more so than Spock. The bond was new, however, and required time to settle. We were both compromised and vulnerable to childish impulses. We left dinner and decided to engage in a game of chess.”

“Thrilling stuff, T’Pring.”

Nyota kicked at Janice and gestured for her girlfriend to continue. It was sort of peculiar to hear tales of her ex’s bonding to her current girlfriend, when they were children. Spock remained her best friend, and it wasn’t as if she wasn’t interested in stories about his childhood. On the contrary, once it would have been her utmost privilege if Amanda had decided to recall some anecdote despite Vulcan privacy. Only, things were different now and, however much she reminded herself their bond had only been preliminary and not exactly marriage, Nyota still found she settled best when she didn’t think about T’Pring in any sort of romantic context. Childhood best friends were sweet, undeniably, but ex-intendeds was weird. Heavens above, it was all weird.  

“We played quickly and most irrationally. As a full Vulcan, I managed a modicum more control than Spock and was able to beat him swiftly. He did not anticipate such an occurrence and promptly burst out laughing.”

For all the niggling uncertainty bothering Nyota, she couldn’t regret the warmth in T’Pring’s dark eyes when she spoke of her childhood with Spock. Despite her tense relationship with her father, Nyota liked knowing that there were some memories that T’Pring looked back on fondly. The girls didn’t quite register that emotional response from T’Pring though, and Nyota liked realising it had been too subtle for them to register as they focused on the more important information.

“Spock?” Christine repeated, dropping a straw from her mouth and passing the cocktail jug to Janice. “Laughing?”

“Quite vigorously. I admit to having lost control over my facial muscles at irregular intervals also.” There was a pretty green blush crawling up T’Pring’s exposed neck, and down her perfect cheekbones. It set perfectly against the silvery eyeshadow look she’d gone for that morning- Nyota had watched from the bed, transfixed by her beauty and also her complete reluctance to go to work. Heavens, couldn’t that be enough? T’Pring was… achingly beautiful. Why did Nyota even bother worrying about a future with her, when she was right there and so perfect and trying so very hard to be what Nyota needed.

“Our parents heard our outbursts and came to find us in the drawing room, in what Spock’s mother described as ‘rather a state’. I was made to meditate for an hour before my parents could escort me home, at which point I continued to meditate until supper.”

The atmosphere in the room tensed considerably, and Janice lowered the cocktail jug to look down the bed. The discomfort in their reactions was so obvious, Nyota couldn’t think of a single thing to say to counteract it. God, this was where Kirk came in useful to diffuse the situation. It was just another occasion in which the humans on the ship were confronted with Vulcan norms, and found themselves completely unable to relate.

“Wow.” Christine finally said, awkwardly, drawing her legs up to her chest.

“Wow’s an understatement. You laughed, so they made you meditate for hours?” Janice looked astounded, and Nyota took a deep breath to intercede. It was awful, really, but she wasn’t particularly surprised by her human friends’ difficulty grasping Vulcan culture. What dismayed her, beyond anything, was that T’Pring was trying so hard to bond with the girls for Nyota’s sake. And, lord, how long would it take before they accepted that Vulcan’s chose logic over emotion? How long before the awkward silences dissipated and conversation flowed as naturally as it did for Spock. Or god, would it ever? Spock wasn’t exactly known for his ease around most humans and T’Pring was even worse at being tactful.

“It’s not like that- Jan. Vulcans meditate so they don’t let emotions overwhelm them.” Nyota explained, but it felt almost as if she was reiterating points her friends already knew inside out. It was as if they simply didn’t want to accept that a child should repress that which made them laugh and smile. As ever, everything was much more complicated than that. Beside her, T’Pring looked somehow smaller where she sat. Her brows indicated that same regret again, like maybe she had been wrong to attempt to share the story, and the girls were rejecting her for her mistake. Of course, it probably didn’t help that Nyota was still touching her bare skin and projecting all the anxiety she had to her girlfriend and, crap, she hadn’t meant to do that.

“Right.” Chris said, in a bright, factual tone. “So, what’s a Vulcan bonding ceremony actually like T’Pring? I imagine we’ll need to educate ourselves on these things sooner or later.”

T’Pring replied factually, but she’d retreated back under her shield of impassivity- she spoke like she did when making a report at a meeting, and Nyota tried not to feel the weight of her worry so strongly. Instead, she pushed adoration and comfort through her fingertips and moved on to painting the base of T’Pring’s nails. Maybe, she decided, it was still a touch too early to have expected miracles of a friendship from the others. They should have stuck to drinks and card games for a little while longer.

   It was hours later, when Janice and Chris had finally called it a night and traipsed across the ship in their pyjamas back to their own respective quarters that Nyota finally let her tension drain away. She sat, half dazed from cocktails and moderately exhausted from the long, trying night, and watched T’Pring. She was propped up in far too many cushions, and sipping on a pre-emptive glass of water- just in case. T’Pring had insisted, reciting the effects of alcohol consumption on the human body. Nyota didn’t really object. In fact, she rather enjoyed being cared for by her Vulcan. It saved a trip to sickbay in the morning, demanding that Leonard administered her a hangover hypo because, heavens, if you can spare one for Kirk twice a week you can damn well give me one, Leonard.

T’Pring stood by the bed, looking particularly distant. All night she’d been the same- awkward and closed off, despite Nyota’s best intentions to ease her apparent discomfort. Logically, she knew these things were going to get easier with time. But the reckless emotion her humanity provided her was otherwise distracted by the crushing reality that T’Pring might never feel remotely comfortable to spend too much time with Nyota’s friends. But that was fine, right? It was… it needed thinking about, another time, when she wasn’t so close to sleep.

“Is there anything else you require before sleep, Nyota?”

“Just you, Ashaya.”

Nyota was momentarily distracted by the grace with which T’Pring walked- the way her Vulcan robes clung and then draped so perfectly- lilac, offsetting the pale green of her arms and slender neck. Nothing compared to watching her slip out of clothes though, and under the covers with Nyota.

“Thank you for tonight, T’Pring.  I know it wasn’t your idea of a good time. It means a lot that you got involved.”

“I would do a great deal more for you, Nyota.” T’Pring said quietly. “Bolau tu shom.” You need to rest.

Nyota smiled sleepily. “We’ll meld tomorrow, if you like. I’d like that.” She felt soft lips press against her temple, and fingers trailing along her arm in a Vulcan gesture too.

“I should like that immensely, Ashayam. Now sleep.”

Nyota nodded. She couldn’t keep her eyes open if she wanted to, and curled up closer to her Vulcan. Tomorrow, they’d agreed to breakfast with Spock and Kirk. She would not allow either Kirk to laugh his ass off at her for being hungover, or Spock and T’Pring to bitch about her in rapid Vulcan, as if she couldn’t understand. So she was quite happy to sleep, safe and loved, and push all her doubts and fears about their relationship away to deal with another time.