#she hasn't answered and that's an answer so im like alright even if you texted me late i actually do not care if i never see you again

[loverboybrightsideghost]

"reblog for something lgbt to happen to you" at this point i'd be grateful if something straight happened to me

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not telling my friend my boundaries?

(fake names)

so about a year ago i (17f) met my friend Jess (16f). Jess is really nice! we share loads of interests, our sense of humor is similar, she's always super fun to be around. recently, we've gotten a lot closer and both of us have gotten more comfortable with joking around with eachother (like being pretend-mad over silly things like losing a game and the like) it's always in good fun and it's obvious we both are just messing around when it happens. recently though, i was playing a fighting game with her and after i won, she started acting pretend mad and we were both having fun until suddenly she bust out with "kill yourself!". i didn't do anything, just laughed it off and we kept playing, but in all honesty i didn't like it. i know a lot of people talk like that as a joke but for me personally it has always been off limits "ill kill you!" is fine but for some reason "kill yourself!" Isn't. i can't really explain it. anyways, this is where i should've said something, let her know that i didn't like this kind of thing, but did i do that? no. i have a pretty hard time setting boundaries (feel like im being a priss+annoying+no one cares what i think+im terrified of vulnerability) and especially since i don't know for sure how close we really are (i have a hard time understanding how close i am to people and i tend to overshoot and think we're best friends when they don't even consider me a colleague so i try not to assume) i felt like it was better to just leave it alone, so i did.

she kept making the jokes, i kept brushing it off, everything was fine. then one day we were hanging out with a mutual friend, Lucy (18f) and things went a bit awry. to clarify: i've know Lucy since I was about 8, we've been best friends since forever, through changing schools and moving cities and everything. she is one of the fewl people i feel comfortable telling absolutely everything.

so we're all hanging out, and then Jess, as usual, cracks a KYS joke at me. i laugh it off awkwardly but then Lucy steps in to say that "she doesn't like that type of joke, you know that right?" because she's always a little defensive of me. Jess just goes like "oh, i didn't know, sorry" and we keep hanging out. later, when me and Jess are walking home together, she brings it up, very upset, and asks why i didn't tell her. i tell her i have a hard time setting boundaries and she didn't do anything wrong and it's alright, but i can tell she's still upset when i drop her off at her house.

later that week, i get this long text from Jess where she basically explains how upset she was that i didn't tell her how i felt and how she ended up looking like a bad friend in front of Lucy and how she also FELT like a bad friend for not noticing how i felt.

personally i don't think this is that big of an issue and i even told her she wasn't a bad friend for not noticing (i have really robotic facial expressions and my voice is sort of monotone, so people hardly ever notice what im feeling) and that Lucy wouldn't judge her like that, but she hasn't answered and still seems to be upset.

was i the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

Chapter 12

Word count 1013

This chapter is just a sweet little filler , slight mention of drugs , angst

Matty's POV

I had to leave the call , I want to spend as much time with George as I can but if he finds out what I did I know he'll just disappear forever and that can't happen. I wasn't planning on it to begin with I swear but I found it in my drawer when I got home I'd forgotten I'd got it from a guy at a party a few weeks back but didn't use it but I just saw it earlier and everything came flooding back after singing that song for George and I thought it would calm me down and it did but now I feel like death.

I hear my phone go off in my pocket, text alert, I'm sat on the bathroom floor again and just open it.

"Are you alright love x" , trust George to care and check up on me like that, he's so lovely what a gem he is. I don't know what to say though because I am alright my brain is empty but I also feel like I could just pass out any minute.

"Just feel a bit dizzy is all Georgie , just trying to settle down a bit , I might just need some sleep x", that might be okay, I can't have him worrying about me not when I'm under the influence because I will just say and that's not right. The light from my phone is the only thing lighting up the room as I didn't turn the light on but even this light is making me feel like I might throw up. So I put it on the floor face down and sit for a bit just drowning out everything around me. I contemplated laying down on the floor it's cool down there. It's weird you know this stuff makes my brain feel so empty and everything just feels light but I also feel like if I move everything I've drank or eaten today is going to come right back up not that it was much. Once I've contemplated life for a bit I get up and make my way back to the comfort of my bed. I'm going to call George back I think I need too I won't sleep if he's not there

"Can I call back now ?" , he texts back immediately

"Go ahead love x" with that I pick up my laptop and call him straight back and get comfy but being sure to be slow with it. He answers and he looks a little stressed

"You okay darlin ?"

"Yeh I'm alright love was just worried about you is all, I know you told me you were alright but I still worry about you", he's in his bed now too all wrapped up and I really hope he hasn't been crying that's what it looks like.

"I didn't upset you did I ?" Im searching his eyes to make it out better. I never meant for this to happen. This was the opposite of what I wanted.

"Nah todays just been weird like you said your tired , I probably am too, do you feel better"

"Not really but if I just lay down I'll be alright, do you wanna try sleep , I know I'll sleep better with your company", I'm still trying to pay full attention so I don't miss anything I can't have him upset, he's my light , I want to keep him that way.

" I'd love that", when he smiles at me his eyes light up and his face fills up blushing like I knew it would. God how did I find this actually Greek god, I can't be this lucky. "Good night love I'm right here if you need me you know don't feel bad if you need to wake me"

"Same to you , I'm always here darlin, sleep tight , sweet dreams", I watch him close his eyes and melt into the duvet, he's so beautiful, This would be something I'd have been up all night talking to Janey about this one guy that I'd found that took my breath away every time I saw them. She's the only one I'd told properly that I may like boys too , we'd have been up all night just talking. So I know she'd love to know she'd be watching down on me right now telling me to sort my shit out and learn to be open.

I take my phone out and text her , this is something I do when I know she'd want to know, knowing I could just speak my mind to her not that I'd get a reply but getting my words out it's like a little diary log.

"Hey JayJay it's been a while since I texted you last , I think the last one was when I'd started having panic attacks, they haven't gotten that much better but I've found someone to help me, he's wonderful if I do say so myself. He's got blonde hair just a little mess on top of his head. Dark eyes , you'd fuckin love, and Jesus Christ his voice is deep as fuck right. He helps me a lot , like I don't know why he wants too but I'm so grateful, I'm sure you and the guys would love him, he's like the missing link we were always looking for. Also I know what you'd say I need to sort my shit out and just cheer up but I'm trying honestly everything is just so hard right now, and don't even come at me okay I'm trying , I went to school ALL day today that's something I haven't done that in at least two weeks according to McDonald and Jamie, but I've done it today and that's all on George I wanna make him proud and happy. I think I might give it a go yanno. Take Shia LaBeoufs advice and just do it , I know you'll like that reference, Lou misses you too kids so confused ay but yeh I hope your doing okay up there lovey and having a party

I love you JayJay ❤️"

[settersprouts]

꠵ look at me : chapter two ꠵

裏切り。

Iwaizumi flopped onto his bed as soon as he got home, turning over and looking at the ceiling. His family kept bothering him about the match, saying things like "oh, you did great son!" or "it's okay. it's not the end of the world!"

Yeah, sure it wasn't. But it was the end of his and Oikawa's shared dream.

Iwaizumi glanced at the little glow-in-the-dark stars stuck onto his ceiling. He remembered how he got those. Oikawa had put them up when they were younger, since he was afraid of the dark and the nightlight Iwaizumi used to use was way too bright for either of them to sleep. He probably should've taken them down when they didn't really need them anymore, but they meant something to Oikawa back then. Those little stars were one of the many souvenirs Iwaizumi had of his best friend. It was like proof that he was close with the Oikawa Toorū.

. . And Iwaizumi really couldn't take them down. It was physically impossible: the adhesive stuck to the back of the stars were too strong, and no matter how hard Iwaizumi pulled, the damn stars wouldn't come off.

Beep.

Iwaizumi turned to his side, getting his phone from off the nightstand.

New Message : ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽

"Damn, what the hell does this bastard want now?" Iwaizumi clicked on the notification, bringing up the messages between him and Oikawa.

. .

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwa-chan !

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: What now, I just saw you like 20 minutes ago

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: ughh iwa you're so mean

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah okay. What?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: can i come over ?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Ew no, wtf?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwaaaaaaaaaaa~ (｡•́︿•̀｡)

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Why?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: im just having trouble sleeping,, plus i just wanna be with you rn

. .

Iwaizumi blushed at the last text Oikawa had sent. Damn.. As much as I despise him and his stupid face, that was kind of cute. Realizing what kind of thoughts were popping up in his head, Iwaizumi smacked both sides of his face. Fuck. What the hell am I thinking?

. .

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: iwa? you there?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah, I'm here. Shut up. [to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: You can come over. I don't care.

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: yay ! thanks iwa ♡

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Shut up. You sleeping over, or staying for a couple hours?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: can i sleep over?

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Yeah. [to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: My mom's cooking dinner. Want me to save you some?

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: no, i'm not hungry.

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: Alright, I'll save you some. Hurry up before it gets cold.

[from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: i don't want any- yk what nvm [from] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: be there in ten !

[to] ꜱʜɪᴛᴛʏᴋᴀᴡᴀ 👽: mk.

. .

"Hajime! Dinner's ready!" Iwaizumi perked up as he heard his mother calling for him. He answered with a blunt, "Coming ma!," and bolted down the stairs.

"Hey, Oikawa's coming over tonight," Iwaizumi said as he sat down. "Can you save him some food? Knowing him, he probably hasn't eaten since the match."

Mrs. Iwaizumi nodded. "Of course! I'm so glad he's coming over, I love that boy. Such a sweetheart." When Iwaizumi snorted at her comment, she hit him lightly on the back of the head. "Don't do that, Hajime. He's a sweet boy." She spooned some miso soup into a small bowl, passing it to her son. "And don't act like you don't care about him either. I can see right through that little façade of yours."

Iwaizumi groaned and shoved a spoonful of the semi-salty broth into his mouth. "Sure. Do we have any milk bread?"

"No, I do have Kashipan though. They're similar, right?" She passed the buns to Iwaizumi, who shrugged.

"Yeah, sure."

After about fifteen minutes of the Iwaizumi family eating their dinner, they heard a knock at the door. "Ah, that must be Crappykawa."

Iwaizumi's mother glared at him when she heard that. "Hajime, don't call Toorū that. Like I said, he's a sweet boy." She walked over to the front door, fiddling with the locks and swinging it open. "Welcome Toorū- dear god, what happened to you?"

When he heard the shock in his mother's voice, he shoved aside his food and sprinted to the door. Oikawa stood in front of him, wearing a very soiled alien hoodie with the hood up and over his eyes. Iwaizumi could just make out the newly made bruises on his friend's jaw though, and the tear stains on his cheeks. Oikawa sniffled, fiddling with the hem of his hoodie. "Um. . can I come in. ?"

Iwaizumi and his mother quickly stood aside, ushering Oikawa into their home. Iwaizumi's mother put a hand on Oikawa's shoulder, not noticing the way the boy had winced at her touch, and steered him into their dining room. "Honey, would you like some food?"

Oikawa sniffled again, nodding. "Yeah. . do you have any milk bread?"

Iwaizumi shook his head. "Not at the moment, I can ask my old man to buy some for you. He's at the market right now." Oikawa nodded in response, and Iwaizumi took out his phone, sending a quick text to his father. "You need to eat right now, though. We have miso and kashipan. Eat some of that before you get your milk bread."

Iwaizumi passed some food over to Oikawa when he sat down. His own food disregarded, he watched as Oikawa ate slowly, taking in all his features. His hood was still up, so he couldn't see the rest of his face, but he could see how much it hurt him to make small, simple movements. Every time he lifted the spoon up to his mouth, his hand shook a little, and he winced occasionally. Something panged inside Iwaizumi's chest as he watched Oikawa eat. His heart hurt a lot, more than usual. What the hell was this feeling?

Oikawa pushed the bowl away from him, messing with the hem of his hoodie again. "Um. . I'm kind of full."

Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa's bowl- about a sixth of the soup was missing. Oikawa hadn't even touched the kashipan. "Crappykawa, you need to eat way more than that. You barely touched your food." He was about to force the food down his throat when he noticed his pained expression. "H-hey Oikawa, you alright. ?"

Oikawa gagged, putting a hand over his mouth. "Mrgh. Feel s-sick."

Iwaizumi stood up abruptly, helping Oikawa up and walking him to the bathroom. "How sick?"

"Feel like I'm gonna die, sick." Iwaizumi snickered a little at that, causing a slight smile to erupt on Oikawa's face. "W-wait. Where are we going?"

"Bathroom. You need to clean up." Iwaizumi opened the door and set Oikawa on the toilet, pulling a little first-aid kit out of the cabinet under the sink. Oikawa glanced at it nervously, thinking Iwaizumi was going tend to his wounds. But much to his surprise, Iwaizumi just set the box on the sink counter, and walked out of the room. "I'm going to go get you some of my clothes, and a towel. Set those in the basket, I'll clean them later."

The door clicked, and Oikawa heard Iwaizumi shuffle off to his room. He smiled a little, thankful that his friend respected his boundaries. He heard a knock on the bathroom door, replying with a small "come in." Iwaizumi opened the door, setting a towel and a set of clothes on the counter.

"If you need help with anything, let me know, okay?"

"Mmm." Iwaizumi closed the door when he heard Oikawa's reply, and walked to his room. He sat on his bed, throwing a volleyball up in the air, catching it when it came too close to his face. After a couple minutes, he heard the faint sssshhhhh of the shower faucet being turned on, and the shower curtains closing. Good. At least Crappykawa's cleaning up. He lay still, listening to the shower run, spreading out his arms and legs like a starfish. He must have lost track of time, because when he opened his eyes, Oikawa was sitting at the foot of his bed, scrolling through his phone while drying his hair.

"Crappykawa?" Oikawa turned around quickly, shutting off his phone in the process. Iwaizumi noticed this, but decided not to pry. "I didn't even hear you come in. How long have you been here?"

Oikawa shrugged. "Not long. Maybe like, a couple of minutes?" He resumed to the task of drying his hair, squeezing the water onto the light grey towel.

"Ah, I see." Iwaizumi watched Oikawa, tapping a finger against his chin. "Need help?"

"Um. . sure." His friend scooted closer to him, and handed him the towel. Iwaizumi ruffled up his hair, the towel making it ten times fluffier than it usually was. "Uh. Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

Oikawa fumbled with his shirt, it being a too big for him, since he had a leaner build. Iwaizumi thought it was cute. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone, though."

"Yeah, of course."

Oikawa took a deep breath, tears spilling out of his eyes once again. "M-my parents. . I don't feel safe with them. As soon as I got home, they yelled at me a lot because we lost the match. Um. I got mad and screamed at them too, but my dad hit me, and it got all out of control. They just kept hitting me, like I was their punching bag." He sniffed. "It hurt. It hurt a lot, Iwa. I thought they loved me. I thought-"

The third-year setter was cut short by arms being wrapped around his waist. "Shut the hell up, Shittykawa. Don't worry about a damn thing. I'll take care of everything."

"How? You can't do anything, you're not that much older than me and I couldn't even do anything." Oikawa sniffled again. "It's not like anyone would believe me anyways, or even care. A lot of people hate me, Iwa-chan."

"Yeah, well. Those who hate you can go on a date with my fist. They just don't really know who you really are inside. They just know who you want them to see. Some self-centered, cocky, arrogant, stupid bastard." Oikawa let out a little 'hey!' which made Iwaizumi laugh, before continuing. "But, I know who that self-centered, cocky, arrogant, stupid bastard really is on the inside. And it's someone I've grown to admire, no matter how much he pisses me off."

"Awe, Iwaaa~!" Oikawa flung his arms around Iwaizumi, making them fall down onto the bed. "Thank you, that was super sweet~"

Iwaizumi blushed. "N-no problem, Shittykawa. Now, get off of me."

Oikawa bit his lip a little and frowned. "But Iwaa. I thought you said you were going to help make me feel better!" Ignoring Iwaizumi's "when the hell did I say that" comment, he spread out his arms and made little gesturing motions with his hands. "I want cuddles, like the ones we used to give each other when we were younger!"

"Aren't we too old for that now?"

"No one's too old for cuddles, Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi scoffed, turning Oikawa around and spooning him. "There, happy?"

"Mmm." Oikawa responded, intertwining his fingers with Iwaizumi's. "Thanks, Iwa."

". . Shut up."

chapter 3 !

[multitudeofmeus]

I posted 751 times in 2021

693 posts created (92%)

58 posts reblogged (8%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 763 tags in 2021

#ca!jade - 364 posts

#jade - 86 posts

#chubstuck - 73 posts

#fatstuck - 72 posts

#werefat nonsense - 64 posts

#mun mumbles - 41 posts

#canon yabberings - 24 posts

#not really chub - 15 posts

#nep - 14 posts

#uberbig - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 83 characters

#this meant to come out earlier but i forgot to set it to send instead of save draft

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hmph. you're lucky you're cute. here's another $200, go wild. this time i expect to see a little belly skin, alright? and for you to finish BOTH pizzas.

VIDEO TITLE: HOLY MOLY!?! (pizza vid followup)

"two hundred? i could pay a months rent with that!! well im on it!"

Sure enough, Jade forewent any sense of scruples a regular person would have, taking all the other 2 pizzas that were in the freezer.

"i know you all want the food part so i wont keep you waiting! this heres an old harley cooking trick..."

Holding both pizzas in her grip, Jade uses her space powers to "Lightly Irradiate" the pizzas. Hopefully radiation doesn't ruin the flavor, but when Jade tears into them, she probably wouldn't even tell the difference. Jeez, did she even TASTE them?

Doesn't matter. What does matter is that she finished both the pizzas. Steps away from a food coma, Jade plops into the comfiest chair in the house, too tired to stand.

"is there something im forgetting... oh! the tum!"

Without hesitation, Jade pulls back her godtier shirt, the stuffed-red stomach shown to her viewers, giving it a light rub to ease the tension... wait, that's not normal. Are tummies supposed to be glowing green? Perhaps irradiating your pizzas out of impatience isn't the smartest idea...

"thats normal... right? :o"

COMMENTS:

first!

hot

6 notes • Posted 2021-07-05 03:41:44 GMT

#4

Starter post thing

(Hello! This is the mun speaking. I'm making this starter post so people have something to reblog, because I need some anons. I'm trying for a story-ish based rp kink blog, featuring Jade in an unfamiliar situation. Expect inflation and stuff. So, please reblog! I need the traffic. Expect a starter post for the story soon.)

6 notes • Posted 2021-07-04 03:24:38 GMT

#3

(Y'know, if I'm going to get interaction, I think the best approach is an active one. Let people know you're still kicking around, maybe find the dms of a few like-minded people.

Does anybody know anyone into chub/inflationstuck worth talking to?)

9 notes • Posted 2021-11-26 02:34:27 GMT

#2

man, i really wanna see werefat jade transforming. sounds awesome.

Alright, so imagine this: skinny, svelte Jade. Unassuming. But then, there's a bad moon rising.

Symptoms are unnoticeable at first, from a first person perspective. Dog ears flick in confusion. Fangs gently scrape the lower gums.

Suddenly, rumbling. Deep rumbling, as if her entire body is bracing for an impact then inside.

Then, a slight gut. Barely peeking out from under her shirt. Barely noticeable, for now. But it's getting larger, slowly yet surely.

Everything else is starting to catch up as well. Thighs start to chafe. The slightest wobble can be noticed as what was once a mediocre posterior starts to push against fabric. A tightness in the chest causes Jade to wonder if she forgot something.

Nevertheless, she sits down to think about said forgotten topic, rubbing a developing second chin as she wracks her brain for answers.

And then she remembers: Tonight's a full moon night.

"heck!!! i had plans tonight!" She thinks, before deciding to try and send a text to tell the others she won't be able to show up. But as it turns out, texting is hard when your hands are fat, so a garbled apology is what Rose gets. Surprisingly, she understands it and quickly forgives.

For now, all Jade can do is wait it out. But, another thing comes into play: hunger. Despite having ate not too long ago, it feels as if she hasn't eaten in days. All of a sudden, one thing is on her mind: food. Eat food. Eat lots of food. Eat all the food in the fridge, it will only help slightly.

Getting up with lycan strength, Jade wobbles (she's not iron deficient, just fat) over to the fridge, pulls it open and goes to town, no longer focusing on her growth, but instead on what's in front of her: food.

Leftover pasta? Not even reheated. Box of pizza? Scarfed down. Sandwich supplies? Carefully made into a sandwich, then eaten. Item after item of what would last her days goes down in minutes time.

As these events unfold, her outfit finally gives out. Pants explode into denim confetti. A good shirt becomes a bra, and the bra under it snapped pounds ago. In any other situation a person would shudder in indecency, But Jade doesn't flick an ear.

After turning a used fridge into an empty floor model, Jade fwumps onto the floor, masticating a strip of bacon like gum. About a few pounds later, the transformation is complete. Several month's worth of calories have manifested themselves in one evening, and will likely leave when dawn breaks, hidden away to add more until the next full moon. But that doesn't concern Jade, not in the slightest. What matters to her most?

She's still hungry.

12 notes • Posted 2021-10-09 02:59:27 GMT

#1

SwollenScientist's 40 or so Inflation Prompt Malarkey!

(Have you ever seen the 40 chub prompts thing by chubbyshiro and wondered "Where's the inflation? I want my characters round and blimpy, goddamn it!" Well, for one, stop being so abrasive! It just had to be a query.

For two: Look no further! They're here now! And in no particular order, too!

Made in collaboration with @sugar-plump-gal! Your input was invaluable!) 1. Popping (specify nonfatal/fatal.)

2. Berry (or other fruit, not too picky.)

3. Full body

4. Helium inflation

5. Factory shenanigans (Yes, THAT factory. Specifying a room helps! Come up with one, even! Very good combo number.)

6. Leaking (Not deflation. Just excess substance that's being drained naturally to make way for more substance.)

7. Fast-paced inflation. (If you remember chubprompts, they called it "Rapid". This is the same thing, but inflation.)

8. Puffkissing

9. Transfer (From one blimp to a regular person, stuff gets exchanged. How? Who knows?)

10. Permablimp. (No normal. Only new normal. Can still grow, but deflating will just leave them to the default roundish size.) 11. Incremental Inflation. (little by little...)

12. Specific inflated area. (I didn't want "round titty" and the like to take up too many numbers, so I combined them. Specify instead.)

13. Nonstandard substance (Sure, it's a liquid, but it doesn't have to be water or something. Be creative! (but stay within the kinks of whoever posts this, please. Be horny, but civil too.))

14. Odd methods of keeping a round in place. (Can't have them floating off into space, y'know?)

15. The blimp themselves trying to be mobile. (It ain't pretty.)

16. Voice affection by substance. (You think they're talking normal after all THAT?)

17. Burst tease. ("Hey, wanna see this cool needle I found?")

18. Oneupmanship (That isn't round, THIS is!)

19. Accidentally inflated (Whoops! Guess I'm round.)

20. Amateur inflation ("First time?")

21. Practical uses for inflation (Just because you're round doesn't mean you're not useful.)

22. Mundane uses for inflation (We can't all lead interesting lives.)

23. Hose. (Location, location, location. Specify ass or mouth. Or both. It matters more than you think.

24. Suit inflation. (Placebo.)

25. Outfits for inflation. (Not related to 24. Just a good, stretchy getup. Nice and cozy.)

26. Outfits tearing. (They're not all for it.)

27. Sports. (Be the ball! Literally!)

28. Limitless. (Can't stop won't stop!)

See the full post

15 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 01:26:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘