#she had probably been watching him work for a few minutes before crossing the room to pull him away from the star chart on the wall

[allatariel]

@spectral-musette, thank you, I love it so much! Stunning work as ever, I absolutely adore your style <3 <3 <3

Some Jyn and Cassian tall and small cuteness for @allatariel

[fangswbenefits]

Side Effect

Summary: Miguel has been acting off lately and you find out why… the hard way.

Pairing: Miguel O’Hara x spider-woman!reader

18+. Feral Miguel. Rutting Miguel (side effect of the serum he takes). HEAVY breeding kink. Creampie. Fangs. Hormonal manipulation (mention of serums being injected).

You paced hurriedly through the long corridors of HQ determined to get an answer.

A proper one.

If Miguel O’Hara was growing tired of your casual relationship with him, he’d have to tell that to your face instead of avoiding you.

This had been going on for a couple of days, and you patience was now hanging by a thread. You had tried to reach him through your watch, but he’d either ignore you, or have Lyla come up with ridiculous excuses.

“Visiting Peter and MJ my ass,” you grumbled under you breath, your paces echoing loudly.

The moment you were met with the lab door shut, you stopped dead in your tracks.

That was weird.

“What?”

Approaching the scanner on the wall, you reached out your arm, allowing the sensor to read your dimensional travel watch.

<ACCESS DENIED>

That was really weird.

You flicked your wrist again, but were met with the same message.

This had to be Miguel’s poor idea of a joke, because it made no sense that he’d restrict your access to the very place you worked at.

Letting out a strained breath, you tapped on your watch, hoping to reach Miguel.

But it was Lyla’s orange hologram that emerged instead.

“What’s up, sugar?” she beamed happily, filing her nails.

You scowled. “I was calling Miguel.”

“He has redirected every contact to me,” she shrugged, checking each nail individually.

You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Why can’t I get in?”

“That’s classified.”

“Classified?”

She nodded with an obnoxious smile that only served to grind your nerves. “I work here.”

“So does Miguel and he is working now,” she said with another shrug.

Anger flared inside you as your worst fears were confirmed.

He was avoiding you in particular.

“Can you just open the door?”

“No.”

“Please?”

Her eyes narrowed behind her heart-shapped glasses. “No.”

“I really need to talk to him.”

Adjusting her long coat, she clicked her tongue. “I can pass him a message.”

That wasn’t good enough and he would just ignore it as usual.

“Lyla…” you started, putting on your most convincing fake smile with an equally forced sweet voice to match. “You know I’ve always like you, right?”

The AI scoffed. “Nah, flattery doesn’t work on me, sugar. It wasn’t programmed into my coding,” she grinned deviously. “But you’re free to suggest that Miguel adds it in a future patch.”

You shot her a death glare. “Fine. Just… tell him I’m here and… yeah…” your voice trailed off.

She winked. “Gotcha!”

The hologram disappeared at once and you were left staring at the large metal door in front of you.

You waited for a couple of minutes, before realising she wasn’t coming back with an answer, as you had expected.

A random thought crossed your mind when your eyes landed on the scanner, reminding you that there was another way in.

Miguel would probably get really angry that you were about to activate the emergency protocol, but you couldn’t care less at this point.

Tapping the pattern onto the pad above the scanner, you couldn’t help but to feel victorious as the door swung open, alarms blaring and a mechanical voice echoing through the lab.

“Emergency protocol activated. Proceed with caution.”

You only made it a few steps past the door, before something — or rather someone — flung you across the room with the weight of their body keeping you pinned against a wall.

A muscled forearm was at your throat, effectively caging you in.

“What the fuck?”

“Emergency protocol activated. Proceed with caution.”

The red alarm lights rotated hurriedly on the ceiling, but you were able to identify Miguel, as his weight dug further into you.

“What are you doing here?” he growled, the eyes on his mask narrowing menacingly.

Something wasn’t right.

Your spider senses detected an alarming accelerated heart rate from him, as well as increased body temperature.

“Miguel, let go! It’s me,” you grunted, clawing at his arm to alleviate the pressure.

“I know it’s you,” he said lowly, the digital mask vanishing.

From the corner of your eyes you saw him baring his fangs, droplets of paralysing poison dripping.

His pupils were fully blown and you felt fear rise inside you. “What are you doing?!”

As if your voice had managed to snap him out of it, he eased the pressure on you and took a few steps back.

“Lyla, deactivate the emergency protocol and resume the serum synthesis.”

“Got it, Miguel!”

The alarm was turned off immediately and silence took place.

Your breath was coming out in shallow pants, as you tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Was he that angry that he had gone completely feral?

“Miguel… what…”

He turned his back on you and paced to a nearby centrifuge, the screen atop announcing: <DNA stabilising sequence at 24%>

What was he doing?

“Leave.”

“Can we just talk?” you said, still keeping your distance. “I don’t know why you’re avoiding me, but barring my access-“

Miguel turned around to face you, a deep scowl had settled on his face, twisting his lips.

The glare he gave you was enough to send shivers down your spine.

“I need you gone. Now.”

Fuck. Was he that over you that he couldn’t even stand your presence around?

He had shortened the distance between you two, crimson eyes never leaving yours.

“Why? If you don’t want to be with me just say that,” you groaned in frustration. “Don’t stare at me like you’re about to split me in half. It won’t work.”

Miguel had effectively managed to have your back hit the nearby wall once more, just from the weight of his stare alone.

“I told you to leave. I can’t have you around me.”

“Oh, great!” you scoffed. “Thanks for being so direct.”

Miguel didn’t stop moving until his face was only a few inches away from yours. “You don’t get it.”

“You’re right. I don’t. We’re both adults, so you could have just said this a couple of days ago instead of acting like I’m some nuisance.”

His hand came to grip your jaw and you widened your eyes. “You’re on birth control, right?”

“What…”

He took a deep breath, fangs grazing his lower lip. “Answer me.”

“Yes. Of course.”

Wait… was he scared that he might have knocked you up?

His fingers loosened and he pressed his forehead to the wall right beside your head, groaning out loud.

“Miguel… what is going on?”

You wanted to him a comfort squeeze on his arm, but were too frozen to move.

“Why… why do you have to be on birth control?”

Was he pulling your leg? Was this his twisted version of a joke?

This time, you frowned. “What do you mean why? I don’t want to get unexpectedly pregnant.”

Miguel punched the wall with such force it dented the material and making you jolt.

“I’m rutting.”

Your eyes darted to his face as he straightened up, pupils still dilated and beads of sweat rolling down his temples.

“What… rutting?” you asked, mouth dropping open in confusion.

He growled impatiently. “Side effect of my serum. I usually have an antidote at hand when this happens, but I ran out of one of the components…” he paused briefly as if struggling to breath properly. “I had to go to Peter B’s Earth to get more.”

Oh. So that hadn’t been one of Lyla’s ridiculous lies.

You glanced over at the nearby screen:

<DNA stabilising sequence at 34%>

Oh.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?” you asked, wanting to bring him some comfort somehow. “We’ve been together for a few months.”

“It was never necessary. I always had the neutraliser for my serum at hand.”

You bit your lip.

He let out a low dark chuckle. “You have no idea how badly I’ve been wanting to breed you.”

This definitely wasn’t something you were expecting to hear from Miguel O’hara himself, and it made your heart skip a beat.

His arms were caging you, his talons digging deep into the metal right next to your head.

“Is… huh… is there anything I can do?” you asked in a whisper. “I mean… in the lab.”

He pressed his lower half into you at once. “Let me breed you.”

You flinched as his hard cock dug into your crotch and you let out a gasp.

“Can’t you just wait for the synthesis to be over?”

The sound of the metal being shredded tore through your ears and his lips nearly brushed yours. “I told you to leave, but you’re too stubborn, aren’t you?”

His breath was hot and you felt goosebumps rise throughout your body.

“Always running that mouth,” he growled, eyes landing on your lips. “Always defying me… and now I really, really need to breed you.”

For some twisted reason, his words and cock twitching against you were slowly swallowing your mind, causing you to abandon reason.

Miguel was a very dedicated lover, but you had never witnessed such yearning from him.

That was a novelty and it was doing wonders to your ego.

Even if there was a scientific explanation, you could help but plant a soft kiss on his cheek. “You can’t breed me… I’m on birth control.”

His hand came to grip your chin again and you saw anger flicker in his eyes. “There’s ways around that.”

Your eyes widened.

He wasn’t being serious…

… was he?

“Miguel…”

The grip tightened and he rolled his hips. “Let me. Please.”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. He had developed a serum that would neutralise all hormonal manipulation as a way to reset your body in case a spider needed to be injected with a serum.

You had helped him develop it.

Its efficacy neared 90%.

You guessed this neutraliser wasn’t able to prevent the side effects from his very specific serum.

And now he wanted to use it on you, so he could successfully breed you.

“Are you sure?” you asked, not sure why agreeing to this in the first place was sending such an adrenaline rush through your veins.

Miguel moved away from you, bolting to one of the desks, rummaging through the drawers.

You swallowed hard, but remained glued to the wall, heart hammering fast in your chest.

<DNA stabilising sequence at 41%>

In a blink of an eye, he was on you again, holding the syringe in his trembling hand. “I’m desperate, but I need your words first.”

You clenched and felt wetness spilling from you.

How was this so arousing?

“What words?”

He moved to place a quivering kiss to your forehead and you saw the liquid wobble inside the container.

“That’s… not the compound we synthesised.”

“It’s more than that,” he said with another kiss. “It stimulates your ovaries.”

Oh… fuck.

He trailed kisses down your face, before pecking your lips. “I have to breed you. Successfully.”

Your legs nearly gave out at his confession and you nearly moaned as he ripped your suit to gain access to your bicep.

“Tell me I can do this.”

His cock was nudging you again as a reminder of his desire, and you nodded.

“No. Say it.”

He was rubbing your skin with his thumb right where he intended to inject the serum.

“Go ahead.”

“Gracias,” he whispered, planting another kiss to your forehead.

At this point, you were far too drunk in lust to think clearly and your lips parted in a pained moaned as you felt a sharp jab in your arm. He kept his lips on you as reassurance, as the liquid tore through your muscle.

Your heartbeat skyrocketed straight away.

You felt your knees buckle under you, but Miguel steadied you with both arms. “I got you.”

A gasp quickly turned into a moan as the effect of the serum consumed you with each passing second.

He trailed his hands down your body and gripped your hips.

“Turn around.”

You let him guide you, biting down hard on your lower lip, you panties sticking to your soaked folds.

More ripping sounds filled the air as Miguel tried to get rid of your suit, exposing your underwear to him.

You balled your fists and felt one hand on your lower back, adding light pressure. “Bend over.”

Doing as commanded, you felt more wetness spill from you as your body readied itself for Miguel.

The pressure increased. “More.”

Your panties were torn apart right away and you glanced over your shoulder, catching a glimpse of Miguel’s fangs peeking through his lips.

His thumb dragged along your folds, teasing your swollen clit and earning a whimper from you.

“Sorry, but I really need to be inside you,” he grumbled and you nodded.

Your heart skipped several beats, as you tried to control your breathing in anticipation.

The tip of his cock was soon pressed against your opening, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

“I’m sorry.”

Before you could inquire what he meant, your mouth fell open as he rammed inside you, bottoming out at once.

He didn’t wait for your to recover from the initial shock, and began pumping into you so ferociously, you had to grab a hold on the metal railing to your right to keep yourself from losing balance.

Miguel heaved a heavy sigh of relief as if he had been waiting a lifetime for this sensation.

Grunts and groans mixed with the wet sounds of your pussy engulfing his cock over and over again.

“Should have bred you sooner…” he managed to say in between snaps of his hips. “Developed that serum just for you…”

Miguel’s idea of dirty talk was effective. Too effective, because you couldn’t hold back from clenching hard around him, savoring the friction and feel of being stuffed full of him.

He picked up the pace and you thought you were going to die.

Not because it was uncomfortable, but because it was too overwhelming, and your body was responding to his in a way you had never experienced before.

You felt your lower abdomen coil at the sides and figured the serum had reached its target destination.

Miguel gripped both your arms and you let go of the railing, as he tugged hard to have your back smack against his hard chest.

“You’re so lucky this rut didn’t hit me harder,” he growled, hips never faltering. “I was barely able to control myself around you…”

Your eyes fluttered shut and you moaned loudly, feeling his pectoral muscles press into your back. This man was too hot and you found yourself thinking that not being bred by him would be a waste.

That genetic material deserved to be spread.

“Being on birth control with me…” he said through gritted teeth, and you felt his fangs nipping your ear lightly. “You. Deserve. To. Be. Bred.” he punctuated each word with a snap of his hips.

An intense wave of pleasure pulsated from your clit, and you recognised the familiar strings of an orgasm pulling you in and embracing you gentle with each stroke.

“Miguel…” you moaned, blinded by lust and desire.

The grip on your arms loosened briefly and he let your torso lean forward ever so slightly, angling your hips in a way that made him his cock hit you over and over again just where you needed the most.

“I want you full with my babies,” he gasped.

Your orgasm hit you with such force, you thought you were going to collapse and slide off his cock, but he wrapped one arm around you, not allowing you to part from him.

“You feel so good… tighter… tighter,” he urged, as your walls contracted around him rhythmically, faintly at first, but the next stronger than the one before.

You were far too gone to form any words and just let your lips part as an intense moan ripped through your throat.

Miguel was mumbling something behind you, but you couldn’t make out any words as you descended from your height.

Even through quivering legs and pulsing clit, you were able to feel it.

He was now pumping you full with broken snaps of his hips.

You glanced down and saw strings of cum dripping from where he was connected with you.

So much cum.

He wasn’t even slowing down, as he’d usually do at this stage.

Miguel kept on ramming into you from behind, sending more and more cum to drip from within you.

An animalistic growl left his mouth as he finally came to a halt, breathing hard.

He remained balls deep inside you, and you planted on hand on the wall to look in absolute awe at the cum dripping and dangling from your clit, a pool of it now at your feet.

“How did you cum so much?” you managed to say in between laboured breaths.

“I’m rutting, cariño. My body produces more,” he said, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck.

You glanced to the screen nearby.

<DNA stabilising sequence at 100%>

“Maybe you can take the neutraliser now?

He slid his cock out of you halfway, before slamming it back, and you felt more cum spill out. “I don’t think so.”

Oh, you were utterly fucked.

In every sense of the word.

Masterlist

[missnxthingg]

could you do a lando norris x reader smut with that damn sucker at the austrian grand prix after he DNFed and maybe the reader gets turned on by his frustration and anger.

YOU'RE HOT WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY

Pairing: Lando Norris x Girlfriend!Reader Warnings: Smut & swearing Words: 1.8K (a shorty, compared to my other works) Author's note: Thank you so much for being so quick with the request. Loved doing this because angry Lando is absolutely hot. Also, found this template for the cover pic and absolutely loved it. It's so different.

main masterlist | main blog | taglist

After the crash, Lando was pissed, to say the least. So far, things have been looking good for him this season. At the Austrian Grand Prix, the 11th race of the season, he was the only driver to finish among the points in the grid. But after a streak of almost wins, he crashed his car into Max Verstappen’s at the final laps, having to retire from the race just as he was starting to feel the victory taste between his lips.

He was fuming when he turned off the car in the pits, throwing daggers with his eyes at everyone that crossed him that day. Having to watch the finishing of the race from the garage was frustrating, and the last drop to make him lose it this week. So many almosts, and luck was never in Lando’s favour.

Y/N was gutted for her boyfriend. She had joined him in this triple header because she knew he was feeling very overwhelmed by the season, and it had only got worse after his bitter P2 at the Spanish Grand Prix. That day in Austria, she had been watching it from the garage and was one of the first people Lando met after the DNF. He quickly pecked her lips to find some comfort, but was so angry that didn’t want to be around her to affect her somehow.

Knowing he needs his space when he’s frustrated, Y/N stayed behind and watched Lando do his job. He was talking to his engineers, trying to at least help Oscar with the best outcome of the race, but he was angry, and his face showed. Jaw tense, fire in his eyes, no bubbly smiles. And somehow, that turned her on.

Usually, after bad races like this, she takes her time showering him with love and support through the whole night after the poor result. But Y/N was needy, and seeing him with the droplets of sweat on his forehead, disappointed look on his face and his suit hanging low on his hips were doing things to her. Well, to the point where her panties were soaking wet just by looking at him.

She tried hiding it while they were on track, but Lando noticed she was behaving weird, trying to keep more quiet as they were still surrounded by a lot of more people. He frowned when she tried her best to escape him after the post race media pen, and found it weird again when she changed her behaviour once they were in his driver's room.

He had sneaked away from the crowd a minute before her. Lando closed his eyes, breathing deep, trying to assimilate and calm from what had happened. He was only taken out of his trance when his girlfriend snaked her arms around his waist and started pressing kisses to his jaw. He opened the first genuine smile that day when he finally felt her right there with him.

“Hi, baby”, he said, making Y/N smile to finally have his attention. “I love you so much”

“Always nice to hear that after hours seeing your cranky face”, she said. “I love you more”.

“Probably impossible”, he winked, making her giggle. Then he pecked her lips, feeling easier to have her around, even though he still didn't understand her behaviour from earlier. 

“You good?”, she asked, and Lando sighed.

“I will be”, he assured, holding her a little tighter. “You make me better”.

Y/N smiled at his words and locked their lips together in a sweet kiss. But soon they turned things around into a more steamy make out, that had her palming his cock through his fireproofs. He moaned at the contact, but stop the kiss to see what that was about.

“You were literally avoiding me a few minutes ago, and now you're doing this?”

“I was avoiding you because I was horny, you muppet. Would've come undone right in front of everyone if I didn’t ignore you”, she smirked, making him smile. “But God, you look so hot when you're angry”.

“So you’re taking advantage of my misery?”, he provoked with a smirk, but didn't last long with his boyish behaviour when she started massaging his balls. “Oh, baby, this feels so good”.

“Let me take care of you, my love”, she pecked his lips again, making him smile in response. “Want to turn this day around for you”

Y/N gently pulled him to sit on his couch and kneeled in front of him. Then she took off his fireproofs, leaving him in his underwear between those tiny four walls. But before she could jump into giving him pleasure, he dug his digits on the skin of her waist, pulling her into his lap. She straddled his laps and sunk into him as they made out, trying to make it as silent as possible.

“Need you”, he whined, feeling that his boxers were too thick for his liking. Lando wanted to feel his girl more than anything.

“Let me make you feel good, baby”.

Y/N trailed kisses down his torso, her lips feeling like silk against his skin. Lando felt them burning deliciously through him and urged to feel her touch more and more. When his girl finally pulled his underwear down and wrapped her hands around his base, Norris lost it, throwing his head back in pleasure.

She licked him from up and down, but not doing much to get his relief. Lando was whining and groaning in frustration, but Y/N was taking her time with him.

“Fuck”, he moaned. “Please do something, angel. I need you”.

Y/N decided to grant his wish, popping the tip of his cock inside her mouth. Lando grunted with the move, and moaned louder when she started taking all of his length in her mouth. He could feel him hitting the back of her throat turning him into a mess.

“Baby, your mouth feels so good”, he held her hair away from her face and started thrusting a little into her throat. “Won't last long with you making me feel like this, fucking hell”.

Y/N stood quiet, completely focused on giving him pleasure. But desperate for some relief, she started  clenching her tights, needing some sort of friction between her legs. Lando noticed, and he most definitely didn’t want to leave his girl wanting him just as much as he wanted her.

“Baby, if you want me to continue, you're gonna have to stop”, he groaned, but she didn’t stop, only taking him further into her mouth. “Please, Y/N. Wanna feel your pussy around me”.

Those words had convinced her, who took his cock out of her mouth with a pop. Lando smiled with her move, pulling her by the arms to make her sit on his lap again. Then she kissed him once again, feeling him hard against her legs, and turning her on even more, if it was possible.

“Wanna cum inside you”, he admitted, letting his hand wrap around her throat. “Can I, baby?”

“Only if you bring back that angriness you were showing earlier in the garage”, she smirked. “It was fucking hot”.

“You want rough, uhm?”, Lando smirked once again, adding more pressure to her throat. “Ask for it, angel”.

“Please, Lan. I need you”, she whined, not really able to properly form sentences at his sudden domination. 

Y/N started to grind against his crotch, feeling some relief from her neediness. But most definitely wasn’t enough. So Lando switched their positions, pressing her against the couch and kissing her once again, as if his life depended on it. 

She was wearing a skirt, and Lando easily found access by pulling her tongue to the side. His fingers ran through her folds, making her moan on his mouth, shivering with the contact on her pussy. It felt even better when he started pumping two fingers inside her.

“Oh, Lando”, she whimpered. “So good, baby”.

“You like it, pretty girl?”, he smirked. “Wanna cum for me, uhm? I want you to cum on my fingers”

“Yes, please. Make me cum. I wanna cum, Lan”.

Y/N had been so far gone for Lando through the whole day that she came undone for him in seconds. But only his fingers weren't enough. She wanted to feel his frustration as a whole, pinning her down on the couch and fucking her senseless. 

“Baby, you’re so needy today”, he smirked, gripping on his cock and brushing the tip on her folds. Both of them moaned with the contact, loving to be this intimate with each other once again. “I'm gonna fill you up so good”

“Please, I need it so bad”, she cried.

When Lando finally put it inside her, Y/N immediately threw her arms and legs around him, wrapping herself onto him, needing to be as close as possible to her boyfriend. Together, they setted a firm pace that had them both in sync at giving each other pleasure. He held her by the throat and kissed her dearly as their hips kept meeting over and over again.

Lando transferred all his anger and frustrations onto his movements, loving that Y/N gave him the opportunity to feel better like that. At the end of the day, he would always win if he was with her. He knew that as he kissed her, feeling her pussy starting to clench around his cock.

“Gonna cum again, baby?” Lando asked, and she hummed, trying to nod, but being kept from moving by his hand on her throat. “Hang on, I'm almost there too. Wanna cum together?”

“Yes”.

“Then be a good girl and wait”, he asked, now picking the pace a little bit up, chasing for his high. Lando quickly found it, feeling his veins thicken downstairs and her nails digging on his back. “Fuck, baby, so tight for me. Are you ready for me?”

“Yes, Lan. Make me cum”

Lando lowered one of his hands to her clit and rubbed it until she came undone for him. Less than a second later, he filled her up with his own cum, finally letting his weight collide over her body. 

Y/N wrapped her arms around Lando and kissed his temples, trying to catch her breathing once again. He relaxed under her touches and pressed kisses to her collarbones as they laid in silence.

“I love you so much”, he said. “Thank you for this. For being my biggest supporter”

“I love you too. And I'll be here for you through the bad and good days”, she assured. “And will suck your cock every time you look pretty when throwing a tantrum”.

They giggled with her statement, sinking into each other, wanting nothing more than to just stay cuddled together, even though they knew they should get going. After all, they had a flight to England to catch.

“So… round two at the plane?”

Lando's taglist - @celestialams @lizaschronicles @kapsylia @igotnorrrizz @hiireadstuff @bishhhitsaurion @bborra @sltwins @riccdannyf1 @67-angelofthelordme-67 @ctrlyomomma @alltoomaples @ellen3101 @carmenita122 @lqvesoph @poppyflower-22 @logischeroktopus @saturnbloom77 @formulaal @taisferrari-blog @eclipsedcherry @readingbringsjoy @kenzieyeballs @alilcloudy @eringaitskill @Honeyhatty12 @dreamercrowd @demig0d0fapollo @beyond-the-ashes @ijustgomessitupx @laiba26 @marialovesf1 @katieschry1 @loveofmylife12 @diaa-20 @likedbygaslyy @notturloverr @c-losur3brizzy-xogorgrussell @loveofmylife12 @morketheduck @kravitzwhoree @darkacademicvibes @jenna123456789 @crispymcniall @phantomxoxonoobmaster6931 @ohlahlaa @c0rpsecore @rafegirly @darleneslane @annalisenelson @nataliambc @amorydsmt @slytherinholland @hstylesmermaid @harrysdimples05

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[pintrestgrl]

hear me outtt!!!! it's christmas dinner & being the two oldest cousins of the family ofc dawn & jj r gonna be anti-social with the rest of the family n jj is in a room upstairs by himself playing video games & dawn, suffering of visible boredom— her phone dies, she goes to her dad who tells her the only charger that is specifically for iphones is upstairs, where jj is. she declines at first out of embarrassment from past encounters with jj at past family events , after sitting alone in a corner for a bit she finally decides to give in, and where jj is sitting in a gaming chair with a controller in hand and dawn sets her phone down to charge, one thing leads to another and here dawn is sat on jj's lap givin kisses to each other & feeling each other up!!!! ( sorry if this was too long... )

- 🩰

this is cute omg they both feel so gross too

XMAS DINNER WITH DAWN ‘ND JJ.

cw incest n kinda forced sexual material

dawn really didn’t wanna be there. she would much rather be at home, sitting in her bed, watching christmas movies instead of living in one. she was sat on the couch, legs crossed and on her phone.

she probably should’ve been hanging out with her cousins, but she couldn’t find the energy to do so. they would just talk for hours, and bore her.

she was fine, she guessed. that was, until her phone died. she rolled her eyes, scoffing. she got up from her comfy seat and made her way to the back patio where her daddy was sat with her uncle.

“daddy? my phone died. i needa charger.” she spoke, watching them share a beer. she heard her uncle speak up. “yeah, dawnie— jayj got a charger for you up in his room.” she tensed nervously at the name, all the memories she had worked so hard to push down flooding back.

she didn’t want them to question why she was bein so nervous, so she spoke. “oh okay. it’s alright— i’ll just wait for supper.” her uncle nd daddy werent really paying her any care, so they just nodded and shooed her away.

she went back inside, shutting the screen door behind her. she went back to her original position, trying to entertain herself. she sat down a few more minutes, before sighing to herself when she realized truly how bored she was.

she gave it a second thought, and decided maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. she just had to get the charger, nd go back downstairs. she could do that. it was easy— is what she repeatedly said to herself as she made her way up the stairs.

she got to the top of the stairs, staring into the crack of the door. jj was on the game his daddy— her uncle, bought for him a couple christmas’s back. she pressed on the door, quietly walking over to him.

he didn’t hear her coming over his headphones, before he felt her presence in the room. almost smelled her. but in the most non coincidental way. he looked up, waiting for her. “hi. needa— uh, borrow. the charger. for my phone, please.” she spoke, basically stammering.

he smirked, looking her up and down as he inspected every detail of her. he nodded, pointing with his chin where his charger was as to not lose focus in his game. however, he did stop looking at it to watch her bend over to pick the charger up.

he watched the way he could see a peek of the white lace under her skirt, grinning as she stood back up. he watched as she now moved to leave, before he spoke. “nuh uh— you’re not leavin’ with my shit, dawn. stay in here.” she froze.

this was exactly what she had been fearing would happen. she knew him. she knew he would try this. and she didn’t wanna start something. she nodded slowly, and took a deep breath.

she moved to sit down on the corner edge of his bed, his chair sat in front of her. she put her phone on the charger, sighing. he looked over at her, looking her up and down. “you like what i get you for christmas, dawnie?” she smiled faintly, nodding.

he grinned, staring at her. she felt uncomfortable, per usual. she knew what his thoughts were. he slowly turned off the console, shoving his controller on the stand. he looked back up at her eyes. “c’mere.” she furrowed her brows.

he pulled her up by her wrist, laughing at the way she tried to writhe away from him. he grabbed her by her bottom half, forcing her body down on top of him. she straddled his sat figure. she tried to get up, but he didn’t let up. he forced her down, laughing at her struggles.

“jj— quit, i wanna get up.” he tsked, watching her tits in his face. “nah. i think you like it— ain’t that right, dawnie?” you shook your head, giving up on trying to get away from his gross movements. he nodded, giving her a look of approval.

“you lookin’ pretty tonight. real pretty.” you sighed, trying to avert his gaze. “thank you.” you muttered, rather quietly. he subtly moved his hand downwards, lifting up the front of her skirt. looking at the familiar damp white lace. “see? knew you like it. fuckin’ wet from it.”

she frowned, looking at the wall to the side of her in embarrassment. he saw she wasn’t looking at his movements, and subtly palmed the mound below her skirt. she sucked in a tiny gasp, looking down.

she attempted to push his hand away, but it only made him press harder on it. she let out a moan, trying to writhe his hand away that kept rubbing on her clit. “jj��� stop doin’ that. oohh— fuck.” she let out a breathy moan.

he smiled, as he watched her reactions. he knew how to do this. exactly what to say and do to embarrass her and make her uncomfortable. “you want me to make you cum, dawn?” she shook her head furiously, her movements contradictory as she rode his hand.

“no— i want you to stop— hmph— please stop it, jayj.” he laughed at her, looking down at the way her clit would nudge against the pads of his fingers. “if i stop, then im gonna go tell your daddy you let me rub on your pussy. deal?” she shook her head furiously, her breathing quickening. “no— okay, okay. i’m sorry. don’t tell him, please.”

he pulled his hand away, slipping her panties to the side and harshly shoving two fingers in her. she groaned, at the burn. it slowly eased into pleasure, as he fucked into her with his fingers. his thumb went to go rub her clit, her head dropping to his shoulder.

she still felt so gross. this was gross. she shouldn’t be doing this. but he knew how to use his fucking fingers, she was sure of it. he forced her head up off his shoulder, pressing a kiss to her lips. it was sloppy. messy. tongues moving, teeth bumping. “jay— it’s, i’m gonna— ooohh, my fucking god.” he smiled.

“tell me you like it. tell me that you wanted it.” she let out a breathy scoff. she didn’t wanna say that. she didn’t wanna admit it. because then he would know that this spurred her on just as much as it did with him. “fuck— okay. i like it, i want it, i swear— just let me cum. please, jay.”

he nodded, giving her his permission. she focused on the way his fingers felt, moving inside of her. he nudged her clit with his thumb, putting her over the edge. she moaned, biting down on to his shoulder. the liquid oozed onto his hand, before he rode her through it and then pulled out.

he brought his fingers to her mouth, shoving them past her lips as she choked. she tried her best to lick them clean, knowing that’s what he wanted. he released them from her mouth with a pop, watching a line of spit keep them connected. she swallowed, nervously. it went silent. she was embarrassed.

he eyed her, noticing this. “you’re fine. quit fuckin’ overreacting, dawnie. did good, kid.” he spoke, hand going to pat her cheek. she nodded. he moved, his lips attaching back to her mouth. she whimpered, ashamedly kissing back. she felt his tongue graze against hers.

he continued kissing her, before pulling away and placing wet kisses down her neck. she moaned, feeling gross with his actions. his hands went up to her tits, squeezing the flesh. he pulled down the hem of her top, her bare tits falling from the fabric.

he moved his kisses to her tits, biting down on the fat of them. she moaned, mostly from pain. he took one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking. he palmed the other one, hand running over her nipple. he released from her with a pop, going to her other tit.

she could feel the cold air against the wet of her nipple, making her shiver. he sucked, hands kneading the fat of her hips. he let go of her breast, traveling his kisses up again. he was about to press another wet kiss on her mouth, before they both heard her daddy call her down.

he groaned, her tensing up. she wiped her glossy lips, pulling the hem of her dress back up over her tits. she stood up, flattening out her dress and hair. “you gonna leave me with blue balls?” he spoke. she sighed, going to grab her phone. she looked down at the tent in his jeans, almost feeling bad.

that was, till she realized this was her fucking cousin. who just fingered her. and the bad feeling slowly went away, shame filling her up. she gave him an apologetic look, as if he didn’t just force her to do that.

she moved to turn the door, stopping when she heard him speak. “you’re gonna suck my dick whether you want too or not. you owe me it.” she grimaced, but she knew she would lose that argument if tried.

she left, the guilt washing over her again at the sticky feeling of her panties.

[gredandforgeweatherby]

A Shared Joint

Theo Nott x reader

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, weed consumption, swearing, making out, brooding?reader (it’ll make sense), Google translated Italian

A/N: Italian!Theo always‼️(accent🤩) ((this man is so hot)), not specified what house you are in.

The Slytherin common room was packed to the brim, mostly with slytherin and ravenclaws, though you could spot some Hufflepuffs and the occasion Gryffindor. The lights were low, music blaring through the speakers as students danced, drank, and talked all around you. Every corner of the room seemed to have a couple making out and groping each other, and smoke from cigarettes and joints hung low in the air.

You didn’t want to be at this party. You would’ve much preferred drinking with your friends in one of your dorms as you normally would. Instead your best friend wanted to come to slytherin’s party that night, and you didn’t want her to go alone. So that’s how you found yourself where you were now; sat on the large couch in the center or the room, one arm propped on the arm of the couch, your head resting upon it with an uninterested look etched on your face.

You watched as your friend danced with some kid in your year, both clearly intoxicated. You had taken a couple of shots and had currently been nursing a drink for the last hour and were entirely too sober for this. The room was hot, the amount of people only exasperating that, the pounding in your head had begun to match the pounding of the music, and you were tired. You wanted to leave, but you knew your friend didn’t. She was having the time of her life dancing with… Berkshire? You weren’t sure. All you know was that she had a smile on her face, so you were more than willing to wait out this boring party for her.

It was only a few minutes later, though it felt like another hour had passed, when you felt the couch dip next to you. Your curiosity getting the better of you, you turn your head to the side to be met with Theodore Nott’s profile. He was staring ahead, his eyes low and his mouth straight as usual. He held a drink in one of his hands, and as he leaned his head on the back of the couch, you spotted a joint resting behind his ear. He was dressed as he always was: smart pants paired with a (probably) expensive button up, the first few buttons undone.

You turned your attention back in front of you, your gaze searching for your friend. She was still dancing with the same kid, though now with considerably more groping and tension. At least one of us is enjoying ourselves, you thought. Surveying the room, it seemed the only two people not on their feet were you and Nott, which made you feel a bit out of place. You weren’t able to linger on that feeling for long though.

“At least I know I’m not the only one who’d rather be anywhere else.” Theo broke the silence between you two. His accent made it a bit harder to understand him under the loud music, but you surpassingly managed.

You turned your head to your right, making eye contact as his head was already tilted toward you. You had to admit, Theodore Nott was attractive. More than that, he was hot. His eyes bore into yours, his stare making you feel as if he seeing straight into your soul.

Breaking eye contact, you huffed out a chuckle.

“I’m only here because my friend wanted to come.”

“Ah,” a half smile-half smirk crossed his face, “being a good friend and not leaving her to come on her own I assume?”

You nodded in response.

He turned his head back straight, breathing out a barely audible sigh.

“Only here ‘cause it’s your common room I assume? Can’t really escape these idiots can you?” You turned back to him to once again be met with the side of his face. He didn’t respond right away, which made you think he was ignoring you, before he sighed.

“My friends like to throw these parties. I find it fucking annoying to have to clean up after everyone the next morning. Too much work sai?”

You nodded. “Thats understandable. Merlin knows I wouldn’t want to do that shit.”

Theo chuckled. “That’s exactly what I’m saying bella.”

You raised your eyebrows in response and turned back towards the crowd. Out of your peripheral vision you could see Theo reach behind his ear for the joint. He rolled it in between his fingers for a few seconds before standing. He walked a bit, before stopping a step or two past the arm of the couch and turns his body towards you.

“Would you like to join?”

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Theo guided you out of the common room up a set of stairs out of the dungeons. The two of you were currently at one of the open windows of the castle, you sitting on the ledge and Theo leaning against it. He pulled a lighter from his pocket before handing you the joint.

“Ladies first of course.” He stated, that half smile-half smirk from earlier making another appearance. You huffed out a laugh and took the joint from his fingers, setting it between your lips, as he lit it for you.

You and Theo passed the joint between the two of you in a comfortable silence. For not having too much interaction with him all these years, it wasn’t awkward like one would have thought. This silence that lingered allowed you to observe Theo when he wasn’t paying attention. You had already admitted to yourself he was hot, everyone knew that, but you have never really seen that for yourself. Now, with a nice high, you were finally seeing for yourself that Theodore Nott was hot. Really hot. He took another hit off the joint before looking back to you, luckily giving you enough time to make it seem like you hadn’t been staring.

Theo offered you the joint and you took it, directing your glance upward as you rest your head against the wall, zoning out a bit. While you weren’t paying attention, he took it as a chance to do the same you have been doing seconds prior, unbeknownst to you. He had always thought you were attractive, he had seen you throughout all your years here. Seeing you tonight by yourself looking like you’d rather die than be at that party gave him the perfect opportunity to actually talk to you. He didn’t necessarily fancy you, you were someone who caught his eye several times, but he could definitely see that changing.

You finally zoned back in and could feel Theo’s eyes on you.

“You’re staring.”

He only breathed a small chuckle. “Am I?”

You locked eyes with him. “Yes.”

Theo kept your eye contact, not seeming embarrassed he was caught staring. Pushing off his arms that were on the ledge of the window, he turned his body to face you.

“What a shame,” his gaze flitted downward before meeting your eyes again. “una bella ragazza mi ha sorpreso a fissarlo.”

Though you weren’t quite sure what he said, you had to admit it was hot when he spoke in Italian. With his gaze still meeting yours, he moved again, this time shifting between your legs. Unconsciously, you opened them a bit wider for him. His hand ghosted over your thigh, a feather light touch almost sending shivers down your spine.

“You shouldn’t stare. It is rude after all.” You replied lamely after realizing you hadn’t responded yet. One side of his mouth tilts up in a half smile.

“Scusa.” He muttered, rolling his lips in to wet them. “Didn’t mean to be rude.” He moved his hand up a bit further, making sure you were still okay with the contact.

“If staring at you is rude would kissing you be rude too?” He asked, his eyes boring into your own.

Instead of responding verbally, you moved to put one of your hands on his face, and leaning in to kiss him.

He responded immediately, kissing you back with fervor. The hand on your thigh moved up even further while his other went to your jaw. You moved your other hand through his hair, lightly tugging on the roots. Theo released a light moan in response, his mouth opening enough for your tongue to slip inside. You scooted closer to him, most of your body hanging off the ledge of the window. Theo moved his hand up under your dress as his hand on your jaw pulled you closer. The two of you were breathing heavy, the kiss igniting a hunger for the other neither of you realized you had. The two of you continued to kiss until a distant bang caught your attention. Jumping away from him, you realized the bang came from the dungeons, and that someone had come out of the common room. Theo tired to chase your lips, using the hand on your jaw to try and pull you back to him when you heard someone quietly call your name.

“Shit,” you sighed. The only person at the party that would’ve been looking for you was your best friend, you could tell it was her the closer she got to you and Theo.

Theo lowered his hand from your jaw, letting it fall to your waist before moving away so you could get down.

“I guess you have to go.” He asked, though they way he said it made it seem like a statement.

“If she’s looking for me it probably means she’s ready to go, so.”

You finally got off the window ledge, Theo’s hands on your waist as you did. Before going back down to the dungeon, you turned to him. One hand on the back of his neck, you drew him into a quick kiss.

“We should continue tho sometime.” You mumbled against his lips.

“Anytime you want.” He nodded.

You gave him a small smile before slipping your hand off your next and bidding him goodbye.

“Ciao bella.” He called to you before you were out of earshot.

You turned back around, winking at him before disappearing down the stairs.

─────────────────────

I’m thinking of making a smutty part 2, so let me know if you would like that. Enjoy xx!

[mayajadewrites]

── .✦ Renaissance - Levi Ackerman .✦ ──

🪽 ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ levi x fem reader

summary: levi leaves you in the underground for the scouts, only for him to find you again in marley when the war is over. however, nothing about you is the same as it once was. you are not the same person you were 12 years ago. cw: canon universe, smut, fluff, yearning ao3 authors note: there are several things in this story that are not canon to the original AOT storyline (like Levi needing a wheelchair) but I will warn you if/when those things come up.

longer chapter today!! let me know what you guys think and as always ily <3

tag list: @ackerboi, @staarflowerr, @midw1nter

preface - chapter one

CHAPTER TWO

Your entire body stood still as your eyes almost frantically took in what you were seeing.

It's him.

Really him.

Both of you stood in silence, just looking at each other from across the room. Levi was wearing a navy blue casual suit, standing as tall as he did when he left.

Your lips let out a gasp when you look at the right side of his face, a scar from his forehead, over his right eye, to his mouth.

You blink to stop the tears from falling, the feelings you've been harboring for years almost coming to the surface.

Levi stood, still as stoic as ever, almost as if you were a stranger to him. But you could see the ever so slight softness in his eye as he places a. crate of tea on the counter.

Neither of you wanted to speak first. You and Levi are both stubborn as hell, and given the fact that it's been 12 years since you last saw each other, someone had to speak.

"You own a tea shop now?" You clear your throat as you look at him sheepishly.

"Yeah." His reply was short as his eyes drank in your appearance. Obviously you've grown up since he left, as did he. The signs of war can be seen all over his face - the way he speaks, the bags under his eyes, the way his hands look battered.

"It's not open yet, but it will be soon. We just got a shipment in of tea from a few towns over." Levi's voice was deep as he moved in front of the counter he was standing behind a minute ago. "How did you get here?"

"That's what you want to say to me? After 12 years?" Your eyebrows scrunch as you look at him, your feelings of empathy now replaced with anger. "You don't ask me how I've been, if I'm okay - just how I got here?"

He only nods as he crosses his arms over his chest. "Yes."

You scoff, shaking your head as you press your palm to your cheek. "You didn't even try to look for me. It's like all those years meant nothing -"

Levi looked away when you said that, avoiding that conversation completely. "Would you like some tea?"

You don't answer, simply staring at him.

"It's on the house."

"No." You finally say, the word tasting like poison in your mouth. You never liked telling Levi no. In your perfect world, you would give him everything he's ever dreamed of.

But you're not in your perfect world.

"Goodbye, Levi." You turn around and walk out of the tea shop, the sun kissing your skin again as the noises of children playing and people laughing fill your ears.

You don't turn around, knowing that Levi was probably standing at the door, watching you leave.

Just like you had to watch him leave.

As days went by, you found the brothel on the outskirts of Marley that was up and running. There were no other options for you - you weren't going to ask Levi for help, and this is the only job you know how to do.

You're in your room at the brothel, filing your nails and getting yourself ready for the night ahead when you hear a knock at your door.

"Come in."

"Hey, a few of us are gonna get some dinner before we all have to work tonight. Wanna join us?" One of the girls, Leona asked. She was nice enough, welcoming to you when you knocked on the brothel's door late at night, asking for a place to sleep in return for working.

You've never really had friends, always in isolation. Even when you had Levi, it was only the two of you.

"Sure, yeah. Let me finish getting ready." You give her a friendly smile as you stand up, moving to the mirror to fix your hair and grabbing your jacket.

A handful of girls from the brothel came to dinner, discussing random things that happened during the day and some funny stories, while getting to know each other. For once, you had a warm plate of food in front of you and company around you.

There wasn't any looming danger that you felt. You didn't feel like you had to hide, or defend yourself.

You just got to live.

Is this what the people beyond the walls got to feel every day?

"So," Leona says your name, taking a sip of her water. "You said you're from the Underground, right? What was that like?"

You shift in your seat, the memories of living in filth, not having food for days, and loneliness creeping into your mind.

"It wasn't anything like this. Think of something light and airy, fun even. The underground is the complete opposite of that.

"You know, I heard that Captain Levi is from the Underground, did you know him?"

You freeze. Your entire body paralyzed.

The girls stared at you for a moment, waiting for your answer as you try to regain some composure.

"Yeah, I knew him. Barely." You lie.

"He's so cute, I've seen him walk by the brothel." One girl gushes, twisting a piece of her hair around her finger.

"Has he ever been in?" You ask curiously.

"No, but I wish. I would give him anything he wanted."

You let out a sigh of relief, one that you shouldn't have had in the first place.

You managed to avoid the rest of the conversation about Levi, the other girls gushing over how cute he is.

They don't know the real, true Levi.

The Levi who would give his life for someone else.

The Levi who slept on the streets in the dead of winter. The Levi that shared a slice of bread with you that had to last you until the next week.

They will never know the real Levi.

Dusk came and went, and customers were starting to trickle their way into the brothel. Most men came to escape their wives or families, or they were just lonely and had money to waste.

You sat in the front room, the house mother watching over the girls and making sure everyone looked decent for tonights clients.

Wearing a curve hugging black dress, the neckline dipping low to show off your assets, your hair in loose curls and light makeup, you were ready for the night.

Another night of meaningless sex. Making men feel better about themselves.

It felt like hours went on when someone finally sat at your table, his footsteps almost silent as he sat.

Without looking up, you speak. "What service are you looking for?" You look down at your nails, examining the nail beds.

"Full service." You heard the deep, familiar voice.

Your eyes shot up to his, your eyebrows subconsciously furrowing in confusion. "Levi? What the hell are you doing here?"

He stayed silent, putting his wallet on the table as he stared into your eyes. "I said full service. You don't need to ask questions."

You look around, the other girls almost gawking at the scene in front of them.

"No."

"You can't refuse to service me, I know how this shit works." He pulls out a wad of money, handing it to you. "There's $3,000 there."

When you look at the money, your eyes grow wide. $3,000? Where did he even get this kind of money?

You stand up and let out a huff before tilting your head to the side, instructing him to follow you to your bedroom.

His footsteps are quite literally almost silent, you almost thought he ran away at one point. But you know better, Levi Ackerman doesn't run away from shit.

When you get to your room, you turn around to face him and almost melt. He's still so handsome. All of the life, the war he saw, only made him more handsome to you.

"How did you know I would be here?"

"What did I say about questions?" Levi slowly unbuttoned his shirt, not breaking eye contact with you. "I came here for full service, not for an interview."

"You know damn well this is not a simple exchange of sex, Levi. And you've never even been here before."

"How would you know that?" He tilts his head in the cutest way that reminds you of when you were teenagers.

"The other girls in here are apparently big fans of yours. They were talking about you today."

"Ah, I see." He nods, loosening his tie as he gazes into your eyes.

"Can you answer one question for me at least?"

"Jesus, you're still as stubborn as ever." He huffs, shaking his head. "No."

"What about after then?" You take a step toward him, pushing your hair over your shoulder. You needed answers. At least some.

"No."

"I know it took a lot for you to come here." Your voice is softer now, plush against your lips.

Levi told you about his mother about 4 years after you met him. All you knew was that his uncle Kenny raised him, but you never heard about his parents.

He always seemed so fearless, like he didn't need anyone else. Maybe that's why you never wanted to pry about his mother.

The night he told you, it was a full moon. Sitting in the streets, leaning against one another for warmth as you talk about the past, as if they were lullabies.

"My mother worked at the brothel." He spoke, his voice timid. "That's where I grew up until Kenny found me."

"Found you?" You turn to look at him, noticing the subtle hurt in his eyes.

"Yeah, she died in our room. She was sick I think, and we were starving most of the time. But she was so beautiful, from what I can remember."

"I bet you look just like her." You give him a reassuring smile, your fingers gently brushing his cheek. "The Ackerman genes are unstoppable."

He gave you a laugh, a real one, one that you wish you could put in a box and listen to forever.

"I was just waiting for the right woman to be here is all." He looks down into your eyes, searching your gaze.

"You're a shit liar." You sigh as you take off your shoes, beginning to undress. "Tell me why you're here."

"For full service."

You groan, your head tilting back in frustration before you look a him, and he has that stupid grin on his face. His scar moves slightly as his lips quirk up - causing you to smile.

Seeing Levi Ackerman smile is like seeing an angel in front of you.

When you look up again, his hands are on your waist, pulling you closer to him when you notice his right hand is missing the index and middle finger. He gripped your body as if you were going to disappear at any moment, his lips crashing into yours in a kiss so bruising that it would be a shame if anyone else kissed you after this.

But you push your palms to his chest, keeping a distance as you look in his eyes. "Levi, enough - tell me what the hell you're doing here."

"For a." He brought his lips to yours again, speaking through kisses. "Full Service." He was starting to lose his breath as he pulled you close to him, your bodies pressed impossibly together. "From you."

[puffleyia]

Clandestine || Theodore Nott

Theodore Nott x fem!riddle!reader || 2.2k words

Warnings: fingering, blowjobs, in the room of requirement … The request from anon was y/n riddle x theo so this is what i came up withh !

Summary: Mattheo can not seem to place his finger on what exactly you have been keeping from him. He confides in his best friend, Theo, though he ends up cutting the conversation short due to some urgent matters. (aka, you)

Author's notes: Hi lovelies <33 Requests are open! I'm working already on requests, and so sorry if i don't reply to your requests, i'll reply to them with the actual fic once done. please be patient w me, i'm busy as of late <3

You have always hit it off with your brother’s best friend, Theo. Though at first, you really did not think much of him. It started with small talk whenever you two had ran into each other because of Matt, then it became that you both had found out that you had much more in common than you initially thought. You two often went behind his back, as friends, such as studying in the library together or often just hanging out in general.

You both promised you would keep things secret when you two got together because if Matt would find out Theo ever laid a hand on you, he is definitely throwing his own hands. (okay well, just imagine if your best friend dated your sibling?) The two of you knew how he was protective over you. Though things had quickly escalated between you both from generally acceptable, to ‘Mattheo would probably fucking kill me’ really quick.

Theo is far from a weak man, but he is, he really is and only when it comes to you. How could he not make you his girlfriend? 

…

Theo quickly grounds back himself in place, realising he hadn’t been listening to Matt at all. “...I don’t know, man, I just feel like she’s been hiding something from me—” Matt says as he bites his lip in uncertainty, continuing to go on about you. He would actually pay to see the look on Matt’s face when he finds out that he’s the secret you have been hiding. He just nods and occasionally shoots an ‘okay’, pretending as if he’s still following. 

Though Theo has better things to worry about, his mind drifted off once more at the thought of you. He looks down at his watch, he realises something. Five more minutes, he mutters under his breath. In just a few minutes’ time, he would be heading out of the common room, making some half-assed excuse just to meet you in the room of requirement. Ever since you both had found out about it, no doubt you abused the privacy it gave. 

“–Theo? What’s up? You seem distracted,” Matt asks, his tone tinged with suspicion, as he crosses his arms as he sunk into the couch.

“Yeah, uh, no, I’m fine,” Theo stammers, quickly recollecting himself before speaking again. “Maybe she’s just stressed, Matt, you know that she takes her studies seriously.” He lets the lie roll off his tongue smoothly, as if he weren’t going to rock your shit in a few minutes’ time. “Yeah, you’re right, I guess I’ll just ask her,” Matt sighs as he continues. “I just can’t shake the feeling that something’s off.”

“I’m sure she’s fine, Matt. She can handle herself.” Theo reassures Matt, though a slight pang of guilt hits him. It quickly fades away though as he checks the time. Two minutes. “Sorry to cut this short, Matt. But I just remembered I promised Blaise I’d meet him for something. I’ll be back quick.” He makes an excuse off the top of his head, already standing up and ready to leave. 

“Blaise? Since when are you two having meetings?” Matt roused in doubt, as he quirks up an eyebrow. “Nah, you know, things just come up at the last minute.” Theo replies, but Matt is nothing short of sceptical. “Sure thing, Theo.” He says, “I can wait.” Theo does not bother replying anymore, already rushing out the common room and making his way to the seventh floor, left corridor. His thoughts linger on if Matt actually suspected him.

He quickly forgets everything as he spots you, pacing in circles as you wait for him. You do not seem to notice him, as he sneaks up behind you and firmly places his hands on your shoulders as he says a small ‘boo’. You jolt in shock, quickly turning around. “Oh my God, you scared me,” you place a hand on your chest and sigh in relief. 

“Sorry, amore, got caught up in things. Your brother’s growing suspicious of you, you know.” He says, slightly gritting his teeth, pausing briefly before he continues speaking. “He doesn’t know exactly what, but he thinks you’re not telling him something. I’m not sure if he suspects me.” 

“Nevermind it. He always has his detective hat on when it comes to me.” You sigh and shake your head, saying as you both walk past a certain bit of wall three times. You both watch as the door materialises in front of you, as Theo opens the door for you. “Ladies first,” he says flirtatiously, you smile as you tuck a lock of hair behind your ear.  

It reveals a smaller room than you’d imagine, since Theo was the one incharge of doing this sort of stuff, also usually taking up the responsibility of planning, which means letting yourself be surprised. Huh, so it’s going to be like that today. 

The room was fairly empty, the parchment on the walls a dull brown, a double four-poster bed in the middle and with mahogany nightstands on either side. He wastes no time, pushing you as you fall back onto the plush mattress. “We have to make this fast, Matt thinks I just had to do something real quick with Blaise.” He says with a hint of urgency in his voice as he crawls atop you, leaning in.

His face inches from yours, “is this okay, principessa?” He asks, before doing anything. “Please,” you nod. He spits on his fingers before swiftly connecting your lips together, kissing you passionately. He creeps his hands just underneath your skirt, gliding over the hem of your panties. He does not bother pulling them down, instead just sliding his hands into them as he traces the folds of your pussy.

You moan into the kiss, Theo taking the opportunity to glide his tongue into your mouth. Your tongues intertwine, as he swirls his around yours. He slowly slips two fingers into you as he pulls away from your lips, your breath hitching at the sudden action. His lips brush against your ears letting his breath tickle them, before he gently bites your earlobe. “You like that, cara mia?” He husks sultrily, as he begins to move his fingers.

“Y-yes, mhngg, Theo,” you mewl, letting out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. He languidly strokes his fingers, thrusting them in and out your pussy. “Pretty girl, taking my fingers so well.” He rasps in your ear. Then curling his fingers, hitting your sweet spot, causing you to let out a particularly loud moan. You were burning up, all hot and heavy as you moved your hips back down onto his fingers.

He moves his other hand smoothly up your dress shirt, brazenly skimming under your bra as he cups your breast. He kisses you again, locking your lips together once again. The movement of his finger quickens, as he tugs at your nipples. You continue grinding down even more so on his fingers, chasing release. He goes down to ghost his lips over your neck, sucking at the sensitive flesh as you feel his teeth sink into your skin. 

You throw your head back in pleasure, giving him better access to your neck. He leaves red marks, which will definitely not go unnoticed later on. Albeit Theo doing so many things to you at once made your head feel hazy to think any clearly. You feel a warmth coiling in your stomach, as you hold onto his arm, digging your nails into them as you chase your high. “M’gonna cum,” you cried out, as he only made the manoeuvre of his fingers rougher, hitting your sweet spot over and over without fail. 

“Cum for me, principessa,” he remarked firmly, which sounded like more of an order than anything else. Lust clouds your head, as you slowly feel yourself slip away. Your body reacts on its own, doing whatever it takes for you to climax. Muttering incoherently, your hearing goes muffled and unable to comprehend the small praises Theo voices. You feel a sense of euphoria wash over you as you tighten around his fingers, cumming all over them.

“Good girl,” he says, pulling his fingers out of you and lapping at your slick on them. “I think I have to go, amore,” he stands up, giving you a peck on the forehead as he heads for the door. “Wait,” you say abruptly. Catching up to him, stopping in his tracks just as he was about to leave. You bit your lip in contemplation, as you were not used to being so bold. 

“At least let me suck you off,” you say, puffing it out in one breath, nothing short of awkward as you curl up into a ball internally. Theo is caught off guard by that, but he’s more than happy to comply. He smirks slyly, amused that you were eager to please him, too. “Get on your knees, cara mia,” he commands, and you hastily drop down, kneeling as you look up at him. 

Skillfully, you clamp your teeth down on the zip, feeling the cold metal brush against your tongue. Applying gentle pressure, you coax the zipper of his fly down in a slow, rhythmic motion, teasing him. You palm his hard cock through his boxers as he grunts in response. You press your lips on the edge of the soft fabric, guiding the fabric downward. Releasing his dick from its confines, you flinch as it hits your cheek.

Initially, you begin by taking the base in your hand and giving kitten licks on the tip, occasionally kissing it. You look up at him, watching him groan as he shuts his eyes and furrows his eyebrows when you take the tip of his cock into your mouth. “Cazzo, you’re gonna be the death of me,” he mutters, as you slowly sink your mouth on his dick, your lips stretch to accommodate him. 

“Hurry up,” he huffs, as he grasps your hair firmly with both hands and gives it a good tug, causing you to lurch forward. Your mouth stuffed with his cock, you gag and he watches as tears brim at the corners of your eyes due to sudden action. “That’s it,” he utters, drawing out the syllables as he groans gratifyingly. He loved taking things slow and romantic with you, but this was not the time for it, especially since he had told Matt he would be quick. 

All he needed was to cum, and a good quickie was no stranger to the both of you. (You’ll never forget when he fucked you in the broom cupboard in between classes.) He keeps a firm hold on you, his hands tangled in your soft locks as he starts fucking into your mouth. You let out a few muffled words, tears begin streaming down your cheeks and drool down your chin as you choke when you take his dick down your throat. 

“You look so pretty when you cry, cara mia.” 

He husks, as he trails one of his hands to cup your cheek as he continues thrusting into your mouth. He uses his thumb to wipe away your tears, smirking as he ruins you. You dig your fingers onto his hips, using him as a means for support. “Merda,” he utters out a string of both curses and praises, his thrusts growing more erratic. 

He loved watching you come undone, with your tear-stained face, ruffled hair, swollen lips, and your lipstick smearing all over his dick. Feeling his cock twitch in your mouth, Theo’s hips stutter. “I’m gonna cum, principessa,” he groans. His hips jerk up one last time, spilling his seed down your throat as he lets out a guttural moan. Attempting to swallow, his cum overflows out your mouth as it trickles down your chin.

He pulls his dick out of your mouth, humming in satisfaction. He takes care of you and helps you clean up albeit hurriedly before you two part ways. Turns out you promised your friends you would study with them in the library, and you too were sorely running late.

Making his way back into the common room, Mattheo doesn’t fail to notice Theodore. "Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence. How was your urgent ‘meeting’ with Blaise?" He remarked, almost sounding sarcastic. Theo, looking awfully dishevelled, tries to play it cool. "Oh, you know, just some last-minute…business. Nothing too exciting." Theo kept a nonchalant tone, "yeah, you know how it is, Blaise and I are always on the go." 

Matt’s eyes narrow in suspicion. "Funny, Blaise mentioned he hadn't seen you all day." He says, and then Theo suddenly hears another voice speak. "On the go, huh? Didn't realise you were such a busy man, Theo." Blaise said smugly, smirking with his arms crossed as he leaned on a wall behind Theo. 

He immediately looked behind him, his eyes widening as he hadn’t realised Blaise had been standing there all this time. (Blaise had been concealed by the deceptive alignment of the door and the wall. So when Theo entered, Blaise was standing by the wall adjacent to the end of the hall– if that makes sense.) 

"Seems like you're hiding something, Theo. You've been acting a bit off lately." Matt says nearly too confident for it to be sceptical. "Me? Nah, I'm just tired from all the studying. Speaking of which, I should probably get some rest." Theo shrugs, trying to deflect the topic. "Yeah, rest up for all those secret meetings, right?" Blaise says teasingly.

[throneofsapphics]

hiii can you grant my christmas wish??

I WISH FOR DARK POLY WITH ANYONE

- weird 🧠 anon 💗💗

dangerous hands

poly!feysand x reader

summary: Feyre and Rhys debate how to get through to you. 

warnings: dark poly!feysand, light smut, shoving

word count: 1006

a/n: yes I can! merry christmas to you!

Rhys ran his finger down your shoulder, you tightened under his touch. The corners of his mouth turned down, that was unusual. Usually his touch had the opposite effect on you.

He flattened his palm on your shoulder, the tense cord of your muscle beneath his fingers. Fingertips dug into your skin as he leaned down, his mouth mere inches from your ear. “Is everything alright, love?”

“Fine,” you replied, a moment too quick.

His hand moved, trailing across your chest to grip you, just firm enough for you to know he had control, that in a moment he could snap your neck and end your existence. He'd never do it, he loves you too dearly to let you die, even if that was your one true desire. Besides, your death would destroy Feyre, and he could never do that to her.

He tilted your head back enough for their eyes to meet. “I don't like liars.”

You swallowed, her throat bobbing under his grip. “I'm not lying.” Rhys released you abruptly, shoving her a few paces away. You stumbled, barely catching yourself on the table, fingers white knuckled around wood, breaths heavy, head bowed.

Rhys loved you, but right now he had other things to worry about. “We'll talk later,” he said, and watched as you fled the room. Probably off to tell Feyre, and in turn get him in trouble with his mate. Sometimes, his brothers and cousins words about you would pop into his mind, but he never questioned if they were right. He always knew they had to be wrong.

You were one of the loves of his life, after all. A burgeoning artist Feyre had discovered in the rainbow quarter and taken under her wing, and eventually into their household.

-

They promised they wouldn’t go into your mind again, not after last time

“But I know she’s lying to me. She’ll be asleep, she won’t know,” Rhys insisted, running a hand through his hair.

“That makes it worse. I don’t want to lose her either,” Feyre glanced at their closed bedroom door, “but that’s a sure way to make it happen.”

She had a different look on how to handle situations like this with you. Rhys would try to push his way through, attempt a hundred different ways of getting through to you, but Feyre had learned patience worked best, that you'd come to them when you were ready. After all, you'd already learned there was no getting away from them.

But if the time came where she had to draw a line between invading your subconscious and losing you? Feyre already knew which side she stood on. The three of you were made, destined, to be together, no matter what it took. No matter what lines might need to be crossed, but there was a balance and she was doing her best to strike it.

“Let's go to bed,” Feyre murmured to Rhys, leaning up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He turned and their mouths caught each other, meeting in a sweet night's dream. He backed her against the wall, hands around her waist. One leg parted hers, her head arching back as he pressed against her core.

Just before a gasp could escape her lips, his hand pressed over her mouth, his lips grazing her ear. “Can you make yourself come like this, Feyre darling?”

She nodded rapidly.

Minutes later, the door opened and they slipped inside. You were laid near the edge of the bed, one arm hanging off. Normally they'd roll you to the middle, but Feyre glanced at Rhys, the evidence that he hadn't been completely satisfied, and slipped into the middle of the bed.

Neither noticed when you slipped out in the middle of the night. Neither noticed when a lone figured crossed past the wards surrounding their home. Neither noticed as you tasted freedom, bittersweet on your tongue.

-

They could forgive any sin of yours, but this one was stretching it. You couldn't save yourself, you were vulnerable, in danger, and despite his attempt to move the moon and stars to get you back to them, Rhys couldn't find you.

He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the end of the now constantly disheveled strands.

Feyre was pensive, Nyx wouldn't stop crying, and Rhys? Rhys couldn't fix his mind.

They'd entertained the thought that you were taken for approximately five seconds, you'd been biting at the leash, so to say, for far too long for that to be reasonable, but they hadn't stricken it entirely. Did you stage your own kidnapping somehow?

Sleep. Rhys needed to sleep, his thoughts kept circling over and over to dangerous places.

He should've slipped into your mind, ignored Feyre's concerns, ignored everything raging against his instincts.

One week without you, and they were falling apart at the seams. Not even that, the entire world felt like it was exploding. He was back in the war, Feyre in spring with limited contact, but this time? He couldn't reach you, no matter how hard he tried. Had you been afraid they'd read your mind and find impenetrable barriers?

Had someone gifted you something to block them out? Did something like that exist?

This line of thinking was getting him absolutely nowhere, but every mental road he led down always brought him back to more…

“Fucking questions,” Rhys slammed his hand down on his desk. “I need a damned answer,” he whispered, a broken plea.

“I might have something for you,” Azriel appeared in the doorway. He wasn't surprised he'd managed to sneak up on him like that. It wasn't too terribly hard to do in his current state, at least for a shadowsinger.

Still, he lifted his head to meet unreadable hazel eyes as the male crossed the short distance between them, letting a folded piece of paper flop down on the table.

He unfolded it, and for the first time in a week, Rhys grinned. The type of grin that promised retribution.

[kasagia]

I love you... I am sorry

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling x fem!witch! reader Summary: According to Baghra, there is only one person who can save her son. You—his first love and a witch who can control the powers of the Darkling. Aleksander becomes a prisoner of the Sun Summoner and King Nikolai, and you are to control and watch over him as he works for his redemption... but does he have the strength and will to continue fighting? And while everyone is busy saving Ravka from Fjerda and Shu Han, you're busy saving Aleksander from himself. Even though he doesn't want you around anymore... Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @chelseyyouraverageluigi @watersquirtpewpewboomm @summersummoner-pat Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Part 2 ~•♤♤♤•~

"I don't like this," Nikolai grumbles as he, Baghra, and Alina walk deeper into the forest near Ulensk. "Wouldn't it be easier for us to just kill him?"

Alina tenses as she hears the howling of wolves nearby. She weakens her ball of light slightly and instinctively approaches Baghr. Ever since they destroyed the fold, Fjerda and Shu Han have become... more daring in their travels near the border. Something Aleksander had warned her about. She didn't want to risk running into one of the Fjerdan's stray troops.

"We are not like him. He deserves one last chance before we get rid of him." Nikolai sighs and nods. They walk in silence for a few more minutes until they finally reach a small clearing. Baghra stands, staring at one spot.

"Shine more brightly." She orders Alina and kneels down.

Baghra takes out a dagger and cuts her hand. She smears her blood across the leaves, mumbling words under her breath in old Ravkan. Alina and Nikolai look at each other uncertainly when suddenly the branches of the surrounding trees grow. They connect with each other, creating an impenetrable wall around the three of them. Nikolai reaches for his sword, and Alina instinctively reaches into her pocket for her amplifier. The fog thickens around them and the ground shakes slightly as a small wooden hut rises from beneath it.

"I'll go first." Baghra announces and stands up.

"No. We're all going together."

"She's probably not a big fan of yours, Sankta Alina." Baghra sneers, sending the girl a mocking look. "I better get her ready for you."

Alina stubbornly follows Baghra, ignoring her words and disapproving look. Nikolai reluctantly joins the two women, and so the three of them cross the threshold of the small hut.

They enter a living room full of bookshelves and various crystals. A fire burns in the fireplace, and the air smells of lavender from the incense burning on a table covered with various pots, magnifying glasses, and metal tools. The candles burn a little brighter when the door behind them suddenly closes with a loud bang.

"Millennium, and you haven't learnt to knock? Besides, I thought you hated draught." Baghra rolls her eyes at your mocking voice.

You push past the uninvited guests and sit down at the table. You sip your tea and throw the crystal into the cauldron, then set it over the fire burning in your fireplace.

"You probably know what my son has been up to lately?"

"Aleksander has always been an ambitious man. I thought we were all aware of that fact." Alina feels an unpleasant pang in her chest when you use the Darkling's true name when you refer to him. She shakes her head, trying to dispel the unwanted feelings.

"You call the creation and expansion of the fold ambitious?" Alina asks you, irritated. Baghra elbows her in the ribs, but she ignores it completely, giving you a stern, appraising look.

"And you probably think that destroying it was ambitious, right, little sunbeam?" You mock her without even looking at her. Alina doesn't like it at all.

"That was the right thing to do. That was needed to be done."

"Anything that helps you sleep better at night, sunshine. But you realise that now the Fjerdans and the rest will be entering Ravka as if it were their own land, right? If you think the fold was a problem for Grisha, just wait until all the kidnapping, rape, and experimentation on your people begins. I'd love to see what desperate move you will make next when you realise that your problems are only beginning, oh holy Sankta Alina of the Fold."

"I'm not here to discuss Ravka's future with you."

"You shouldn't be here at all." You state, and yawn boredly. You go to the fireplace and take your pot. You put it on the table and stir the dissolved crystal. You prepare a form to pour the mass, but first you add a few leaves and flowers to the substance.

"We need your help. With maintaining control over Aleksander."

"Oh really? Do you remember that time you told me to fuck off because I was of no use to you or your son?" You remind her, smirking as she clenches her teeth and fists, barely controlling her anger. "Besides, Aleksander has never been the submissive type... did it stay that way, Sankta Alina?" You almost laugh as you see the girl blush madly as she can't find her tongue at your comment.

"I… we never…"

"Oh really? Well, my mistake. And your loss." You say, winking at her and giving her a wolfish grin. Baghra clears her throat, drawing your attention for a moment.

"If you don't help us, they will kill him." You frown, setting down all your tools and turning to face the trio. A cold shiver runs down your spine as you carefully choose your next words.

“And remind me, why should I care?”

"I thought you liked your immortality." Baghra nods at your necklace. You wrap your hand around the small heart and swallow, examining her carefully.

"He told you?" You ask in shock, looking at the old woman.

"Of course not. It's Aleksander. I found out on my own." You roll your eyes and fold your arms at her accusatory tone of voice.

"Don't blame him for something you taught him yourself." You respond calmly, giving her a pointed, hard look. Baghra tenses and looks away from you to the crystals hanging above your table. The tension in the room is palpable as you both reminisce about old times.

Maybe centuries ago you managed to break through the wall Aleksander had placed around his heart and see the real him, but just as long ago as you gained access to the deepest and darkest part of him, you lost it long ago and quickly.

"Will you go with us?" Baghra growls, not meeting your eyes. You swallow hardly, thinking about it. You knew that there would come a time to right the wrongs of your past; you just didn't think it would happen so soon. Although, was 500 years a short time?

"And do I have another choice in this situation?" You sigh, knowing full well that it was time for you to join this great war the Summoners were leading.

Ravka needed you.

Aleksander needed you.

“What are you thinking about?” You whisper, placing small kisses on his neck—everywhere you can reach without taking your head off his shoulder.

You and Aleksander lie in the tent, listening to the crickets play their nightly tunes around you. You curl up against him, taking in his warmth as you both catch your breath after completing some... quite enjoyable and pleasant activities.

“How soft your skin is... just as if I were wearing the finest silk.” You snort at his words and prop yourself up on your elbow so you can look at him. You stroke his cheek with your hand, ignoring the prickly two-day stubble on his face, and lean down to whisper in his ear.

"Not that I don't appreciate your ability to fire off compliments so quickly, but I really want to know what's going on inside that pretty little head of yours."

Aleksander sighs heavily and pulls you to him. He kisses you full of passion and ardour, as if you hadn't just given yourself over to each other's desires a few minutes ago. You sigh quietly, allowing him to distract you for a moment with a heated kiss as he climbs on top of you again, trapping you in the cage of his arms.

You place your hands on his chest and reluctantly pull away from his kiss. You pull him closer to you so he rests his forehead against yours, and you inhale his scent, enjoying his closeness.

"I still remember my question, how about you?"

He sighs, playing with your hair. He closes his eyes and gives you one last, short kiss before he rolls onto his back, taking you with him. You sigh, lying pressed against his chest as you listen to the steady beat of his heart. Aleksander plays with your hair, drawing patterns on your scalp with his fingers. He gathers his thoughts, pulling you closer to him and swallows hard before finally speaking again.

"I saw Ulla." You frown, feeling his muscles tense beneath you. You gently trace patterns on his arm with your fingertips, watching him closely as he mentions his sister.

"How is she?"

"Besides the fact that that idiot broke her heart? Very… lonely from what she told me." You sigh and press a kiss on his shoulder. He gives you a small half-smile and runs a hand through your hair.

"She needs time to heal. You'll see, you'll complain again that she and I spend too much time at the fairs and by the lakes and that she's stealing me from you." You joke, hoping to hear him chuckle, but he just sighs deeply, still haunted by thoughts of his sister.

"I asked her to return. To me. To us." He says thoughtfully and unconsciously tightens his grip on you, as if he were afraid that you might slip out of his arms at any moment.

"She didn't agree, I assume?" You ask quietly, cupping his cheek in your hand and stroking it tenderly with your thumb.

You want to give him all the physical closeness he needs. Give him every little reassurance that for now you're staying and you're not going anywhere. Or at least you hope to stay with him a little longer...

"Every person close to me, whether from my family or not, eventually leaves me. And never comes back. I'm afraid it'll be the same with her. I've buried a lot of brothers and sisters... but Ulla... it's different with her. I've taken care of her since she was a child. From the very beginning. I know she won't live as long as I, but... I'm sick of everyone leaving me."

"Ulla loves you. She won't leave you for long… I hope so."

"And would you come back to me? If we somehow got separated... would you return if I asked you to?" He asks, looking at you carefully.

In a heartbeat. You think about it, but you don't tell him. You don't want to give him false hope. Instead, you press lazy kisses along the column of his neck and jaw.

"Depends on how passionately you would ask me to…" You whisper seductively against his ear. A smirk appears on his face, and he raises an eyebrow, giving you a wicked, suggestive look.

“Greedy little thing.” He mumbles, nuzzling your cheek. His lips descend to your neck, where he sucks a hickey. You moan, exposing more of your neck to him and grinding against him.

“That’s why you love me.” You whine as he pushes you onto your back and presses his chest against yours. He cups your cheek in his hand, staring at you as if he’s trying to memorise and engrave every little detail of your face into his memory.

"I love you for more than that, little witch…" He mumbles into your neck, sending shivers down your spine.

A shiver of desire courses through you again. You pull him to you and kiss him passionately, digging your fingers into his shoulder as his hand wanders below your collarbone and cups your breast. He massages and kneads your body, plays with your nipple, and all you can think about is how good you feel under him, how he makes you experience pleasure so intense that you doubt you'll find it with anyone else.

You don't want to look for anything else. You want to be under him forever, intoxicated by the touch of his soft lips and rough hands as he takes you apart into tiny pieces, showing you the secrets of unimaginable and immense pleasure that makes you feel like you can't breathe anymore.

And you find yourself wanting to stop breathing if it meant that you would stay with him forever.

"From where exactly did you get your powers? Grisha are born that way, what about you? Has your family been witches for generations?" The young king of Ravka's question tears you from your thoughts.

"Why this curiosity, Your Highness?" You reply teasingly, watching him closely as you all rode horses to the capital.

You had been on the road for a few days now, and you were now leading them to one special place. Alina and Baghra, when they weren't giving you suspicious glances, were whispering to each other. Meanwhile Nikolai was trying to keep you occupied with conversation. He turned out to be a pleasant traveling companion. Not like certain women.

"A good king should take an interest in his subjects and know what kind of people live within the walls of his kingdom." His simple answer surprises you a little. The kings of his dynasty had a... completely different approach to this. Your years had taught you to distrust all monarchs, but this young king really did seem different from them all. You wondered how quickly he would fall.

"I am not your subject. I may live in Ravka, but neither I nor my family have ever sworn allegiance to the kings frim your dynasty. And we don't intend to."

"I see… so a free spirit? A woman of the world, as they call it?" You chuckle at this, shaking your head gently.

"You could say that. We sleep where we have comfortable moss under our heads, under the open sky with the stars as our guardians. I and the witches of my tribe are one with nature, with the earth, with what grows and dies on it. We are the guardians of the circle of life."

"However, not all of them decide to be in this cycle of life and follow it." Baghra points this out scathingly. You turn in your saddle to look at her for a moment.

"My immortality is no problem for Mother Nature, Baghra. Neither is yours. Nor is Aleksander's, or your little saint's. But it is in my care that the whole world does not suddenly become immortal. There is a worse evil in your shadows than you, volcra or nichevo'ya. And if I could go back in time, I would do the exact same thing… maybe just in a different way."

You shift your gaze from the old woman to the lakes before you, leading your horse onto a side path. You were not far from your destination place. You close your eyes and sigh, trying not to bring up any more memories of your past... any memories of HIM.

Yet, no matter how many years you have lived, you have never been able to contain your burning feeling of regret whenever you remembered what happened between you and Shadow Summoner.

"So? From where did you get your powers?" Nikolai pursues the topic, wanting to know the answer to his question. You run a hand through your hair and pull the hood over your head, realizing you won't get far without an answer. Autumn was coming. Cold autumn.

"The witches' coven I belong to accepts a new member every 100 years. In exchange for the powers the new witch receives from Mother Nature, she must sacrifice something."

"So what did you sacrifice? Your mortality?"

"No. She has sacrificed her ability to lie. She can only tell the truth. But do not be deceived. Even without that, she can conceal part of the truth and mislead you." Baghra answers for you. You roll your eyes at her, scanning the area. You smile when you see a familiar pine tree.

"I had a reason to do that. It was not an act of cunning on my part. I had to unless... that's not important now. Besides, I am far from a master like you, Baghra." You hear Nikolai chucklea softly as you speed up your horse. You reach the tree and dismount, sighing in relief as your feet touch the ground.

You walk to the tree and lean your hand against it. You grab one of the crystals you keep in your pocket and the dagger. You make a hole in the tree's bark and insert the crystal. You whisper a few words under your breath and sigh, feeling the wind on your skin. The water in the lake splits in half. You turn around with a small smile on your lips.

"Hello Ulla." You greet Aleksander's sister with a smile, watching Baghra turning pale from the corner of your eye as she faces the daughter she abandoned ages ago.

Best day of your life.

"How is he?" You ask Aleksander's sister when she returns from the cell they're keeping him in. The brown-haired one snorts, jumping onto your bed and taking your glass of whisky from you.

Today, your little group finally made it to the capital. The first thing Ulla did was visit her brother. She looked older than the last time you saw her. Streaks of grey hair were starting to appear on her head, and you swear you saw a few wrinkles on her face. Time had done its thing to her. Your heart ached at the thought that in 300 years, she might not be here anymore...

"Angry, frustrated, resigned. At first, I didn't recognise him at all. Those scars... and he... he doesn't have that twinkle in his eyes like he used to. Like... like he doesn't care anymore. He was excited to see me, but this... this isn't the same Aleksander he was before. I felt like a stranger was standing before me, not Sasha. Baghra was right. Something's wrong with him."

"I'll kill their little saint. And your mother." You growl completely mad at them both because of the state they brought Aleksander to and get out of your bed. You go to the closet and put on one of your grey coats, ignoring the mischievous look Ulla gives you.

"You still love him, don't you?" You roll your eyes at her and shove your hands into your pockets, making sure you have a few crystals there in case you need to use your magic.

"I forgot how much you love coming up with your conspiracy theories. Which by the way are very annoying."

"You're not answering my question." She replies with a smirk. She walks over to you and gently smooths your hair. You snort, pushing her hands away, knowing full well that she's getting you ready to meet her brother.

"It's no secret that I care about him. We spent a good few years together, almost a century if I remember correctly. Is it possible to just forget about someone like that?"

"I don't think so. You should have seen his reaction when I told him you came here with me. I thought he had a heart attack." You groan at her words, disbelieving that she was actually playing matchmaker between you and her brother right now.

"You told him?!"

"You go to him anyway. What's the problem?" She replies indignantly, walking back to your bed and laying down on it. You roll your eyes at her, and with a wave of your hand, the pillow she had under her head disappears. Ulla shouts at you angrily, and you quickly materialise the pillow in your hands and throw it at the woman.

"Because of you, I lost all the element of surprise that I could have used on him to get some information!" You growl at her angrily, grabbing and throwing away the pillow she threw at you. You jump on the bed and pin her to the mattress, laughing at her as she growls, trying to get out from under you.

"Wait! Wait! I'll tell you how he reacted to that!!" She screams from under the pillow you've started to smother her with. You lift the pillow enough to look at her face.

"How? He made those big, puppy eyes of his and asked you to free him from his cell so he could run to me and give in to his long-held passion and feelings?" You mock her as you climb off of her. You lean against the wooden bedpost, watching her try to catch her breath.

"More or less… he asked what you looked like, how you were, if we had met before… if you were with someone." She says maliciously, giving you a big, sly, wolfish smile.

"You're joking, right?" You ask her, trying to hide your surprise under a neutral, bored tone.

"No. Our Sasha wanted to know if you had someone for his place."

"Is that exactly how he put it in words?"

"Well… maybe not." She replies after a moment, running a hand through her hair. You sigh, shaking your head at her in disbelief. So many years, and sometimes she still behaved like a child.

"Ulla." You growl at her and reach for the pillow again.

"Okay, okay. No need to be violent. He asked if Baghra had also sent for you, so that you could fly in on your magic broom and stab him in the heart once and for all, or if you had found yourself a new more intersting toy, but hey, at least he was interested and asked!"

"Poor consolation."

"You know how Sasha is." You sigh in resignation at this. You bite your lip so hard that you taste your own blood on your tongue. You promised yourself that you wouldn't get your hopes up… Aleksander and you were a long-finished affair. No matter what his sister thought.

"I know him too good to have any illusion that he sees me as anything more than an enemy and a traitor." You answer and get out of bed, mentally preparing yourself to meet him.

"Where are you going?!"

"To him! A day without tormenting him is a wasted day!" You shout over your shoulder and close the door behind you.

You walk lazily through the corridors of the Grand Palace, as if deliberately prolonging the moment of seeing Aleksander, and head towards the second building in the royal courtyard. You sigh again as the majestic panorama of the Little Palace unfolds before you.

Looking at the beautiful, imposing building, you reluctantly recall the plans your Shadow Summoner made centuries ago.

“What are you doing?” You ask, coming up behind him as he sits at one of the tables in the library of the town you’re staying in for a few nights.

Aleksander bounces slightly in his chair and quickly shoves his sketchbook and art supplies into his bag. You frown, wondering what he's hiding from you, when he turns to you with that damn distracting smirk on his face.

"Nothing important, milaya. Were you looking for me? Do you need anything?" He asks and walks over to you, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses your forehead tenderly before he wraps his arm around your waist and starts leading you out of the library.

"Your mother was looking for you. She needs babysitters for Ulla again." You say, nuzzling his neck and inhaling his scent. You wrinkle your nose at the familiar scent of burning metal and sweat from his work at the forge. He laughs at your reaction and pulls you closer to him, making sure you don't pull away from him despite everything.

"I know, I need to take a bath. But I hope you will help me?"

"Taking a bath?" You ask suggestively, laughing as he blushes all shyly and looks at you nervously.

"No!" He almost screams and buryes his face in your hair with a groan as you continue to laugh at him. "Taking care of Ulla."

"Always. But first…" you start and reach into his bag. You pick out his sketchbook and run forward, looking for the page he was working on so furiously in the library before you spoke.

“Y/N, no!” Aleksander shouts and runs after you. A few long strides of his, and you’re pinned to the ground by him. You laugh and struggle under him, but your struggle is futile. He quickly rips the sketchbook out of your hands and puts it somewhere safe before he pins your wrists to the ground. "You can't look into it without my permission. It is... personal."

"Sorry, handsome." You say and kiss his blushing cheek. You giggle as he lets go and climbs off of you. Before he can stand up, you snuggle into his back and wrap your arms around him. Your nose brushes his ear as you whisper quietly. "But you're so secretive lately… you know I don't like to not know what's in that pretty little head of yours. If you don't want to talk, then don't, but I just want to know if everything's okay and if there's nothing steaming up under your skull."

"I'm fine… I just... I will tell you in our room in tavern." You nod at his words and grab his hand. He gives you a small smile as you both walk through town, ignoring the looks you get from passersby who witness your little skirmish.

Once you're there, Ulla runs straight to Aleksander, wrapping her little arms tightly around his legs. The little one cries into his pants, sobbing that she thought you had abandoned her. The sight breaks your heart and makes you want to cut Baghra up and roast him into little pieces.

Aleksander abandons his bag and embraces the girl in a tight embrace. He goes to one of the single beds and tries to calm her down, whispering soft words of reassurance into her ear that he will never leave her. You sigh and pick up Aleksander's bag. You put it back on the hanger and briefly consider peeking in.

You abandon the idea and head back to the two of them to join in the group hug. You silently worry about what your "boyfriend" might have come up with. You're afraid it'll be something for your ring finger.

A moment later, as Ulla falls asleep with her head on your lap, Aleksander returns with dinner for the three of you. His sketchbook is tucked under his arm.

"I want to show you something." He whispers and sets the food on the nightstand next to your double bed. He crouches down next to the sinle bed where the two of you are and opens the book. Your heart is beating like crazy, your hands shaking as you take the leather-bound book from him.

"What is this?" You ask, looking closely at the outline of a grand building. It looked almost like a palace.

"I... I know this life isn't one of the best we could have... but it's still one of the best I've ever had. Of course it's all thanks to you and Ulla. I... I have a proposition before me. A very serious one. If I play my cards right, I'd like to build a place for the three of us. And for the other Grisha who are in need of their own safe place. Can you imagine? No more working in some shitty places, no more hiding our identity... it could be really nice, right?"

You sigh, gently placing Ulla's head on the pillow. You take Aleksander's hand and lead him to your bed. You both sit up slowly as you think about everything he's just told you.

"That... would be nice. But... Aleksander, this is a palace. The king would never agree; you know how he feels about us. Tell me you're not getting involved in anything dangerous." You sigh and place your hand on his cheek. He buries his face in your palm and closes his eyes. He wraps his arms around you tightly and presses a kiss to your temple before burying his nose in your hair.

"I'll be fine… but I'm tired of hiding. It's time to come out of the shadows… start using my powers and do something good not only for us, but for the other Grisha. Too many of us have died because of their stupidity."

"And I don't want your name added to that long list. Ulla needs you, and I'd rather have you alive with me, too." You mumble into his neck, holding on to him tighter.

"Is this your way of saying that you love me?" He asks teasingly, drawing patterns on your back with his fingers.

"That's my way of telling you that if you die, I'll find some damn spell or some other way to bring you back to life just so I can skin you for being such an idiot to get yourself killed."You growl quietly so as not to wake up Ulla and pull away from him to look into his eyes. Aleksander swallows, realising how true your words are.

"I'm not leaving you… not on purpose. I will always do everything in my power to come back to you. I promise." He whispers and kisses you sweetly, softly, thus sealing his promise.

You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer to you. You fall onto the mattress on your back with him above you and surrender to the blissful feeling of his arms around you.

You try to enjoy this as long as you can.

Before you know it, you're standing in front of the door to his cell. Sankta Alina and her king Nikolai have taken pity on him enough to set up cells for him in his former general's quarters. Of course, only after they've thoroughly searched the room. Such a petty act of malice.

You take one deep breath and enter the chamber.

It's dark there. Terribly dark. You can barely see your fingers as you close the door behind you. You reach for the crystal in your pocket and pull it out, holding it like a torch. You mutter the appropriate spell under your breath, and suddenly light emanates from the gem. You sigh as you see Aleksander standing just outside the bars, already staring at you intently.

"Aleksander." You whisper, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling you get from looking at the scars on his face and the fact that he hasn't spoken or made a fucking move yet. Not even for an inch. You doubt if he even blinks once since you entered. The son of a bitch was trying to intimidate you and scare you away. "Did they cut out your tongue?" You scoff, walking up to him and giving him an equally crazy, psychopathic look.

"Will you ever learn how to knock?"

"You seem to be very aware of my presence even before I open this door. Unless you have so many guests here that you simply cannot tear yourself away from these bars?"

"Too much lately." He hisses in irritation through clenched teeth, at which you roll your eyes.

"Hmm… good thing I'm not your guest." You say sarcastically and wave your hand, teleporting one of the chairs from his cell/chamber to the other side of the bars. You sit comfortably in front of him with the light-emitting crystals in your lap and just look at him, waiting for him to speak.

"I guess if I don't do this, you'll never get out of here, so there you go. Why are you here?" He asks after a long moment of silence, sighing as he finally gives up.

"I have been given a task by Their Royal Highnesses." You scoff, watching as the frown on his forehead deepens as he ponders the hidden meaning behind your words. "Aren't you curious what it might be?"

"With their brains? No big deal, I suppose." He mocks them and steps away from the bars. He pours himself a glass of whisky and sits down at a table with maps spread out on it. You raise an eyebrow at how... convenient he is. You don't remember the guest room they assigned you having such comforts.

"Yet they have locked you up here… without powers I suppose? I cannot feel your shadows." You see his fingers tighten angrily around the glass. You make a mental note that this is clearly not a pleasant topic for him.

"Still have that pendant?" He asks, nodding at you when he spots your heart-shaped pendant. You tense up and pull your knees to your chest, blocking his view of the necklace.

"Apparently. Would I be here if I didn't have it?" You answer carefully, fully aware of the game you're playing with Aleksander now. Everything you said was meant to hurt the other, to prove that you weren't impressed at all by being in the other's presence again. Even if you both had some... strong feelings at the sight of the other, you wouldn't admit it.

All that mattered now was who would win and hit the hardest, breaking the mask of indifference that you both tried so hard to keep on your faces... although his eyes tell you a little that your presence here isn't so irritating and indifferent to him at all.

"Of course not. After all you don't have a heart of your own."

You smile, trying not to show how his words really affected you. You internally regret that he went from being the person you trusted with all your worries to someone you wouldn't let see even a glimmer of pain in your eyes.

"Ouch. That hurt. And here I tried to be nice and inform you that for now on I am your guard and I oversee your resocialization process."

"I beg you pardon?" He asks in shock as you casually play with the gem in your hands. Aleksander watches closely as the light from it reflects off your fingers, face, chin, cheeks, lips…

"Just like you heard, honey. We'll be spending more time together again, aren't you happy?" You reply with a mocking smile and watch him carefully, gauging how he reacts to this new message.

"Resocialization? Does the fact that I wanted to help Grisha make me some kind of criminal from Ketterdam?"

"Words of Sankta Alina, not mine. Your ex probably doesn't like you very much. And from what I heard, you started destroying villages. You know who used such practices, right?" At the reference to his mother, he becomes even more gloomy. You get the feeling that if he could still control his shadows, he would at that very moment engulf the room in total darkness.

"Alina is not my ex." He merely comments as he adjusts the fastenings of his all-black kefta.

"My bad."

He stares at you for a long moment. You feel your skin burn where his eyes linger a little longer. You take advantage of that time to watch him too, searching for any slight changes in him since you last saw him.

"You, of all people, are supposed to lead me to the good, righteous path? This is ridiculous." You snort, also amused by the absurdity of this situation. Out of the two of you, N had always been the more... righteous one. Ironically, you were the one who was supposed to dig up the last remnants of his morality.

"Well, for some reason they want you alive. And they want you to cooperate. I'm supposed to be… a go-between in all of this mess."

"More like an infernal messenger of the devil." You smile, shaking your head. Aleksander tries to ignore the slight flutter in his heart and the pleasant warmth spreading through him as he witnesses your smile again.

"You always knew how to give me such beautiful compliments."

"They are desperate, aren't they? Destroying the fold didn't help and now they don't know what to do and want my advice? Tell your masters it's too late now." He says, returning to the main topic. He stands up from the war table, and you see him heading deeper into his chambers, probably his bedroom. With a wave of your hand, you close the door in his face before he has a chance to leave the room.

"You know very well that I have no master over me." You tell him, standing up from the chair as he slowly turns to face you.

"You haven't changed a bit, have you Y/N?" He asks, slowly approaching you. You shiver when you hear your name on his tongue. You clench your hands behind you as he slowly approaches you. The tension in the room is immense as you both stand as close to the bars as you can.

"Well, apparently neither do you." You whisper, trying to ignore the way he smelled so wonderful, how in an instant his closeness and the warmth he radiated made you feel at home again. How much you wanted to sink back into his arms and his sheets…

"Why are you here?" He asks, but is met only by your silence and a cold gaze that almost makes him tremble. "Don't you have other things on your mind? You're not going to tell me that this is only for my sake? I know perfectly well that you wouldn't return if I asked you. So why did you listen to my mother and also bring Ulla?"

"You don't know if I would come back. You never asked." You respond, your voice barely above a quiet purr. There’s a long silence after your words. He lifts his hand and wraps his fingers around the bars—dangerously close to your cheek.

"And are you surprised?"

"No. Actually, I am not."

You examine the scars on his face and barely manage to stop yourself from slipping your fingers between the bars and tracing them with your fingertips. Aleksander holds his breath, his lips twitching as he resists any movement under your watchful gaze.

He fights with himself not to reach for you and brush his fingers against your soft, velvety skin, or check that you're actually here in the flesh and not a figment of his imagination. Your sweet scent intoxicates him, reminding him how dangerous you are and that he can't trust you like he did. Which doesn't change the fact that he wants it so much.

"Gently, Ivan." You frown, not understanding what he means.

"What..." You're not allowed to finish. You feel your heartbeat slow down, and you slip into unconsciousness, only noticing the red and black kefta of one of his heartrenders out of the corner of your eye.

Your vision blurs, you slowly fall asleep, and all you can see before you collapse into the heartrender's arms are Aleksander's black eyes.

The son of a bitch ordered one of his men to put you to sleep and carry you out of his cell. Bastard.

[thirtysomethingloser92]

Chapter 3

Summary: When you unexpectedly discover you're pregnant, you're thrust into navigating the complexities of your new reality. As the baby's father remains distant, it's your partner, Sonny Carisi, who steps up in ways you couldn't dream of. You find yourself grappling with a whirlwind of emotions, including the unexpected feelings of slowly falling in love with your partner. Pairings: Sonny Carisi/Reader, Rafael Barba/Reader. Masterlist.

“I have these feelings, and they’re stupid and complicated and I don’t know if I’m able to stop them.” Your eyes watched as Rafael placed his drink down and placed his hands in his pockets, leaning against the front of his desk like he was waiting for you to finish, like he already knew what you were trying to say; “or even if I want too,” You finished in a whisper. You saw the ghost of a smirk cross Rafael’s face, his hands moving out of his pockets and stepping a bit closer to you, before placing his hands on either side of your neck. The warmth of his skin searing into your skin, his thumbs gently caressing you; “I don’t think I want you to either,” He finished, his voice low and heavy. The smell of aging scotch violating your nostrils as he leant down and pressed his lips to your own. His kiss was tentative at first, a soft brush of lips that left you breathless. Your heart raced, every beat echoing in your ears as his hands slid to the back of your neck, fingers threading through your hair. You felt his hesitance, his fear of rejection, but you also felt his need, his longing that matched your own.

You reached up, your hands resting on his chest, feeling the rapid thump of his heart beneath your palms. The kiss deepened, growing more urgent, more desperate, as if both of you were trying to make up for all the moments you had denied yourselves this closeness. His body pressed against yours, and you melted into him, losing yourself in the sensation.

The waiting room was sterile and cold, with its bland, off-white walls and outdated, uncomfortable chairs. The fluorescent lights above buzzed faintly, casting a harsh glow over everything. A few scattered magazines sat untouched on a low table, their pages worn and curled, dated by months. The faint hum of the air conditioning filled the silence, along with the occasional ding of the automatic sliding doors as people came and went.

You had been sitting in this waiting room for what felt like hours, though it had probably only been thirty minutes. Your eyes were glued to the clock above the receptionist’s desk, each second ticking by painfully slow, so slow that it almost seemed like time was moving backwards. Your hand rested on your slightly protruding stomach, your fingers tracing absentminded patterns as you waited for something—anything—to happen. Whether it was Rafael walking through those sliding doors or the ultrasound technician calling your name, it didn’t seem to matter anymore. You just wanted to move forward, to get through this moment.

A small sigh escaped your lips. You were trying—really trying—to keep Rafael involved. You had sent him reminders of all the appointments, kept him updated on the pregnancy, and tried to make space for him in this process. But out of the three appointments so far, he had only shown up to one. The other two, he claimed, were due to court obligations. You understood, of course—his job was demanding, and you had always admired his dedication. But as much as you tried to rationalize it, each missed appointment felt like a little more distance growing between you and him, and between him and the child you were carrying.

His mother had been more involved, in her own way. She had sent you a care package, filled with maternity clothes and little baby trinkets, and had called to promise that she would come visit when she had time off work. But promises were just that—empty until fulfilled—and you weren’t sure when, or if, she would actually make it.

And in the end, you realized there was only one person you could truly count on, the one person who had been there for every appointment, every late-night craving, every moment of uncertainty.

“How’s your bladder feeling?” Sonny’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts. He sat beside you, tucking his phone back into his suit jacket, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

You gave him a side-eye, not really in the mood but still amused by his attempt to lighten things up. “This is almost as bad as that time we were on stakeout in Brooklyn. You know, with the trafficking case?”

Sonny nodded, chuckling at the memory. “Oh yeah, and you drank all that coffee after being told not to drink all that coffee? I remember that. You barely made it through the night without exploding.”

You couldn’t help but laugh, even if it was just a small one. “Bright side is, as soon as this is over, you can go pee,” he added with a grin.

“My tiny bladder can’t cope with this,” you mumbled, rubbing your stomach gently as you shifted in your seat. Despite the light banter, your mind kept drifting back to Rafael. You wanted so badly to believe that he cared, that he would eventually step up and be present. After all, you had shared so much once, and this baby was a part of both of you. But with each passing appointment, each reminder left unanswered, each text that went without a reply, the hope you clung to grew dimmer. It was like watching a candle flicker and slowly burn out in a dark, quiet room. You didn’t want to admit it, not even to yourself, but a part of you was beginning to accept the hard truth: Rafael might never be the partner or father you had hoped for. The man you had once trusted to stand beside you through thick and thin was slowly becoming a distant figure, a ghost in the background of your life.

You sighed again, though this time it came from a deeper place. A weight settled in your chest, the kind of heaviness that comes from loving someone who might never love you back in the way you need them to. The silence between you and Sonny was comfortable, but your thoughts were anything but.

Just then, the soft hiss of the sliding doors caught your attention, but out of habit more than hope. You didn’t even bother turning around. You had stopped expecting Rafael to show up. It was easier that way—easier than enduring the constant disappointment of hoping, only to have it dashed again. Whoever had just walked through those doors, it wasn’t him. You knew that much. It was what you had come to expect.

“You know you can go if you need to,” you said quietly, watching as Sonny pulled out his phone again, likely checking his messages or glancing at the time. “You don’t have to hold my hand through this. Really.”

Sonny shrugged, slipping his phone back into his pocket without even looking at it. “I know you don’t need me here,” he said softly, his voice as steady and warm as ever. “But I want to be here.”

You turned to look at him, surprised by the simple sincerity in his words. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, you felt the world quiet around you. There was no judgment in his gaze, no impatience, no sense that he had anywhere else to be. Just him, right here, fully present.

“You don’t have to do this,” you repeated, more to reassure yourself than him. Despite how much you appreciated Sonny’s presence, you couldn’t help but feel guilty. This wasn’t his responsibility. He wasn’t the father. He wasn’t obligated to sit in this waiting room with you. “It’s not your problem.”

Sonny leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he turned slightly toward you. “I know it’s not my problem,” he said, his tone gentle but firm. “But you’re my partner, and my friend and friends don’t let each other go through this stuff alone. And besides…” He paused, his eyes softening as he glanced down at your hand resting on your belly, “…I care about you. Both of you.”

His words hung in the air, and for a second, you didn’t know how to respond. The tenderness in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes—it was more than you were used to. More than you had expected from him, or anyone for that matter. And yet, it didn’t feel overwhelming. It felt... right.

You swallowed, turning your gaze back to the floor as your fingers absently traced the curve of your stomach. “I just… I don’t know what I’m doing,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. The vulnerability crept up on you before you could stop it. “I thought I’d be doing this with Rafael, you know? I thought he’d be here, that we’d be figuring this out together. But now… now I don’t even know if he’ll be here at all.” The last part slipped out before you could catch it, and your chest tightened at the confession. Saying it out loud made it feel real—the kind of real that you couldn’t take back. The weight of your words hung between you and Sonny, heavy and undeniable.

You let out a shaky breath, trying to gather your thoughts. “After that meeting a few weeks ago, it’s just been… weird,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. “Like, Rafael will call, he’ll show up for appointments sometimes, and he’ll say these things that make me think—maybe, just maybe—this co-parenting thing could actually work. That he’s willing to be involved, you know?”

You could feel Sonny’s eyes on you, quietly listening, giving you the space to let it all out. You took another breath, your fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt as you continued. “But then… sometimes he just goes silent. No calls. No texts. It’s like he disappears, and I’m left hanging again. Wondering. Waiting.” You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it difficult to speak. “I dunno. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how he just walked out on me without much of an explanation. But I thought… I thought it would be different with the baby.” You let out a half-hearted, bitter laugh, shaking your head at the absurdity of it all. "You think you know a guy," you said, your voice tinged with frustration and disbelief. "I mean, I knew we weren't perfect. I knew he had his issues, especially after everything that happened with his job, his family, all of it. But I didn’t think he’d just… leave. Not like that.”

The memory of Rafael walking out still stung, even though you had spent weeks trying to convince yourself it didn’t. You had told yourself over and over that you were fine, that you were strong enough to handle it. But late at night, when the apartment was dark and quiet, those thoughts would creep back in. You’d replay the moment you realised he left-finding that note on your bedside table-and wonder if there had been something you could’ve done, something you could’ve said, to make him stay.

You had spent weeks in limbo, waiting for a call, an explanation, anything that would make sense of it all. But instead, all you got was silence. Eventually, you had no choice but to accept it—that you and Rafael, no matter how much you loved him, were never really meant to be. The relationship you had clung to, the future you had imagined, had slipped through your fingers the moment he decided to walk away.

The weight of that truth settled heavily in your chest, the bitter finality of it. Maybe you’d never fully understand why he left, but you couldn’t keep torturing yourself with the question. It was like chasing a shadow—something you could never quite catch, something that would always elude you.

Sonny shifted beside you, his expression concerned, his lips parting as if he were about to say something. But before he could, you heard your name called from the far side of the room. You blinked, snapping out of the spiral of thoughts as you realized it was finally time for your appointment.

You pulled yourself to your feet, feeling the weight of your growing belly as you stood. The baby shifted inside you, pressing down hard on your bladder, and you winced at the uncomfortable sensation.

"I swear I’m going to wet myself any second now," you muttered under your breath, half-joking, half-serious.

Sonny was already on his feet beside you, his hand instinctively reaching out to offer support. You didn’t even have to ask. He was there, steady and reliable as always, making sure you were okay as you made your way toward the ultrasound room.

The technician, a woman with a warm smile and kind eyes, greeted you as you approached. “Ready to see your little one today?” she asked in a cheerful tone, clearly trying to put you at ease.

You nodded, though your thoughts were still tangled in the emotions that Rafael’s absence had stirred up. You wished, deep down, that he were here to experience this moment with you. But at the same time, part of you was relieved that he wasn’t. The constant back-and-forth with him, the uncertainty—it was exhausting. And right now, you needed peace more than anything.

Sonny hovered just behind you, his hand resting lightly on your back as you walked. He didn’t say anything, but his presence was enough. It grounded you, reminded you that no matter how messy things felt, you weren’t alone in this. Not really.

<><><><><><><>

The late afternoon sun filtered through the light canopy above, casting golden dapples across the small iron café table. You swirled the straw in your iced drink, watching the condensation drip down the side of the cup as you studied Sonny across from you. He was leaning forward, elbows resting on the table, hands animated as he spoke—his whole expression lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.

“You’re like a child who just saw Santa for the first time,” you teased, laughing as you sipped through the straw.

Sonny chuckled, that warm, soft sound that always seemed to make everything feel a little easier. “There’s something incredible about seeing that though,” he said, eyes wide with something close to awe. “Knowing that in there, a whole little person is growin’, moving around and just… existing. It’s the miracle of life, you know?”

You tilted your head with a fond smile. “What? So no comment about how the tech thought the baby was yours?” You raised an eyebrow as you took another drink.

Sonny gave you a look, one corner of his mouth tugging up. “Hey, I didn’t hear you clearing that up the first time she said it either.”

You blushed slightly and looked away, sheepish. “I didn’t hear her until the second time she said it,” you muttered. “I was too busy focusing on not wetting myself.”

He laughed and shook his head, reaching for his espresso.

Just then, your phone buzzed across the table, the screen lighting up with Rafael Barba. Your stomach flipped.

“Speaking of baby daddies,” you murmured under your breath, ignoring the way Sonny’s brows rose in immediate interest.

You leaned back in your chair, bringing the phone to your ear. “Hey.”

“I’m sorry,” Rafael’s voice came through, slightly breathless. You could hear street sounds behind him. “I got caught up and lost track of time. How’d it go?”

You didn’t even bother softening your tone. “Well, you’ll be glad to know that it’s a baby.”

There was a short huff of amusement on the other end. “I was wondering,” he replied, his voice just as dry. “Can I make it up to you?”

You narrowed your eyes slightly. “How?”

A pause. “Dinner? I know you’re not really one for going out these days, but I could pick something up and swing by your apartment?”

You stared down at your half-empty drink, your jaw tightening before you responded. “Are you actually gonna show up?”

Sonny’s eyes flicked up from his coffee, quietly watching you. You caught his look and gave him a sharp glance that said not now.

“I’ll show up,” Rafael said quietly. “I’ll be there.”

You sighed, running a hand over your face. You wanted to believe him. God, you wanted to. There was a time you never would have doubted him—when he was everything solid and safe in a world that often wasn’t. He was your constant, your person.

But now? Now, all you could feel was the ache of hesitation. The disappointment that had crept in, little by little, until it felt like a permanent fixture in your chest. You hated that you couldn’t trust him, hated how hard it was becoming to believe in him again.

“Yeah, fine. Okay,” you said, your voice low.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

You didn’t answer. Just ended the call and set the phone down.

Sonny was still watching you, that same quiet, patient look on his face.

“Barba’s coming over tonight,” you said slowly, turning your straw again in the cup, “bringing dinner.” You snorted. “If he does.”

“He will,” Sonny said, his voice gentle but firm.

You looked away, your fingers tightening on the plastic cup. “Yeah, but will he though? Come on, he’s gotten pretty damn good at flaking on me lately.”

You gave a bitter little laugh and stirred your drink again, the ice clinking against the sides. Sonny didn’t say anything right away. “He cares about you. He still does—you know that,” Sonny finally offered, his voice gentle but sure, the kind of tone he used when coaxing the truth out of scared witnesses or calming down someone on the edge.

You let out a short, bitter laugh and leaned back in your chair, the metal legs scraping faintly against the concrete patio. “Let’s count this down, shall we?” you said, holding up a finger. “He left me. With a fucking note, Sonny. Like a goddamn teenager ghosting a summer fling.”

You lifted another finger. “Then he ignored me. Weeks went by—weeks—and it wasn’t until Liv reached out that he finally acknowledged me. Or this baby.”

Sonny’s jaw tightened slightly, his brows furrowed with a flicker of sympathy, but he stayed quiet, letting you speak.

“And even now, knowing everything—knowing what this is—he still doesn’t come to appointments.” You paused, letting out a breath as you held up another finger. “Sorry. Correction. He came to one doctor’s appointment. A few weeks ago. Made a whole show of asking questions and acting like he gave a damn.”

You blinked, slow and deliberate, then dropped your hand and shook your head. “My point is... everything else is always more important to him. His work, his ego, whatever’s going on in that head of his—it’s all more important than this.” You gestured to yourself, to the small swell under your jacket, barely visible now but all-consuming to you. “Than me. Than this baby.”

The weight of your words lingered in the air. A siren wailed faintly in the distance. Someone laughed from inside the café. The world kept moving.

“It’s really hard,” you went on, quieter now, “trying to co-parent and do the whole thing with someone who only wants to be involved when it’s convenient. It makes me feel like I’m walking a tightrope every time I let him in. Like I can’t rely on him, but if I don’t let him try, then maybe I’m the bad guy.”

“You don’t think he’s gonna stick around?” Sonny asked carefully, eyes soft but searching. He didn’t push—you could always count on that with him. Just asked, just listened.

“I didn’t say that.” You shrugged a shoulder, half-hearted. “I just mean... I’m not expecting a lot from him. Which is fine. Loads of people do this alone, right? Liv managed. Amanda did it—twice. I can do this too.”

You looked down at your hands, fingers loosely knotted together in your lap. Your nails were chipped. You hadn’t even noticed.

Sonny gave you a small smile then, warm and steady. “Yeah, you can,” he said, without a hint of doubt. Not just encouraging, but believing it. Believing you.

You glanced up at him, your throat tightening unexpectedly. It was that look—pure, unwavering support, no agenda, no strings. Just Sonny, sitting across from you like he always did. Showing up.

<><><><><><><> It was just past seven when a knock on the door pulled you from the half-watched rerun playing on the TV. You blinked, slow and heavy-lidded, the soft glow from the screen casting flickering shadows across your apartment. You stood, stretching out the stiffness in your legs, one hand instinctively brushing over your stomach as you padded toward the door.

When you opened it, Rafael Barba stood on the other side, slightly out of breath like he’d jogged the last block, a white paper bag in one hand and that familiar uncertain look in his eyes—the one he used in court when he wasn’t sure how the jury would swing.

“Got you those, uh… those snacks from the bodega on the corner,” he said, holding out the bag like an olive branch. “The ones you used to love. I thought we could choose dinner once I got here—I wasn’t sure what you’d want.”

You looked at him for a long second, your expression unreadable. He looked a little thinner, like stress had been gnawing at him. His tie was loosened, his shirt slightly wrinkled under the navy vest. Still polished—but not pristine.

“I didn’t even think you’d show up,” you said quietly.

His face faltered. You stepped aside after a pause, silently letting him in. The door clicked shut behind you, muffling the world.

“I deserved that,” Rafael murmured, placing the bag carefully on the coffee table like it might break. He took a breath and turned to look at you properly—eyes scanning, almost studying you, like he was trying to memorize every change. You dropped into the armchair with a small exhale, curling your feet under you as he unbuttoned his vest and eased down onto the couch.

“God, this couch has only just gotten worse,” he muttered, shifting his weight with a soft groan. “It always tried to swallow me whole.” Then he looked over at you with a tired smirk. “It suits you.”

You raised a brow. “What does?”

“Pregnancy,” he finished softly, his voice gentler now.

Your eyes flicked away. “Yeah, well, don’t get used to it. I’m only doing it the once,” you replied, giving a small huff. His gaze lingered too long, and it made you shift in your seat, your body suddenly too aware of itself under his scrutiny. You rubbed your hand over the curve of your belly, not protectively—reflexively.

“How have you been feeling?” he asked, settling back into the cushions, his tone more clinical now, like it might be safer.

You shrugged. “Tired. Hungry. The usual.”

“Nothing much has changed then?” he teased.

You cracked a smile. “Not particularly, no.”

Rafael leaned his head back with a quiet laugh. It was small, but it was real, “Any cravings yet?” he asked, smirking again as he glanced over.

“These, uh… spicy burger things from the place down the street from the precinct. Pretty sure the workers know Carisi by name at this point.” You laughed again, more relaxed now. “He keeps picking them up for me without even asking.”

Rafael hesitated, the smirk fading just slightly. His gaze sharpened—just a bit too interested, “Carisi?” he echoed, slow and cautious. “He, uh… he been doing a lot for you?”

You paused, something in his tone catching your attention. You met his eyes, your own suddenly cooler, “Well,” you said, voice even, “he’s the only one I’ve really been able to rely on.” The words hung heavy in the space between you, pointed but not raised. Just true. Rafael dropped his gaze, studying his hands like they might hold answers he hadn’t been able to say aloud. His jaw clenched once, the way it always did when emotion threatened to push past his control. After a moment, he cleared his throat and looked back up. “I’m glad you’ve had someone here for you.”

“I would have much rather it be you,” you replied, voice low, tight in your throat. “But it just seems like everything’s more important, you know? This—” you gestured vaguely between yourself and your stomach “—never seemed like it made the cut.”

He didn’t speak right away. You saw it—how his eyes flicked to the side, how he exhaled hard through his nose, fighting the swell of guilt that was clearly choking him. When he finally looked back at you, his gaze was softer, wounded.

“I didn’t mean for it to come off that way,” he said. “Trust me, nothing is more important than this. Than you—” He stopped as your expression shifted. Something must’ve cracked across your face, because he winced and backed off, sighing sharply. “What do you need from me?” he asked, voice quieter now. “Whatever you want. I’ll do it.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, letting the weight of everything press in for just a second. “Just be there. Show up. I’m almost halfway through this pregnancy and I haven’t even started shopping, haven’t looked at a single thing because I can’t. Because every time I try, I hear your voice in my head—like I need your fucking approval for everything I do for this baby.”

“You don’t—” he began, instinctive.

“I know I don’t,” you cut in, looking at him now, hard and direct. “But you’re the father, Rafael. You are. And you’re supposed to have a say in this. You should. But you’re not around long enough to have one.” Your voice cracked slightly, but you pushed through it. “What happens when this case is done? You gonna pack your bags again? Head back upstate, back to your perfect, curated life, and leave me here doing this alone?”

Rafael swallowed hard, his throat working. Then, barely above a whisper: “Then come with me.”

Your eyes snapped to him.

“I have a place,” he continued quickly. “It’s big enough. Quiet. It’s not forever, just… long enough for the three of us to figure this out.”

You scoffed, a bitter little laugh as you looked away, shaking your head. “If you asked me that question months ago—before you left—I would’ve come in a heartbeat. No hesitation. But now?” Your voice dropped. “I’m not going to leave everything behind for someone who left me without a second thought.”

He flinched like you’d hit him, “We’re still bringing this up?” he asked, the frustration in his voice creeping in.

“Yeah, we’re still bringing it up,” you snapped. “Because it still hits pretty damn raw. You didn’t come back for me. You came back because Liv called you. Do you even understand what that feels like? To know the person you loved more than anything didn’t love you enough to come back on their own?” You blinked hard. The burn behind your eyes was impossible to ignore now. “Do you have any idea what that feels like?”

Rafael’s mouth parted, his face drawn tight with emotion. “I loved you, okay?” he said quickly, his voice rising with the force of it. “I still love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”

You didn’t move, but your breath caught.

“But knowing I left you,” he continued, “knowing you were carrying my child—it terrified me. I didn’t know how to come back from that. How the hell do I walk into your life again after doing the one thing I swore I’d never do to you?”

“You just do it,” you shot back. “Because I needed you. You think you were scared? I found out I was pregnant and you wouldn’t answer your damn phone. For weeks, Rafael. And by the time you finally showed up, I was in my second trimester.” Your voice cracked again. You didn’t care. “The only person who’s been there—who stepped up where you didn’t—is the one person who shouldn’t have had to. But he did. Because he wanted to. Because he actually gives a shit about me.”

Rafael looked down, biting the inside of his cheek. Then he nodded, once. Twice. “You’re right,” he said, quietly. “Okay? You’re right. I was gutless. Hell, I’m still gutless. But I’m here now.”

“You’re still leaving after this case,” you reminded him, not cruel—just tired.

He gave a helpless shrug. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. But for now? I’m here. And I’ll try harder. I’ll do better. I’ll step up where it matters.”

He looked at you, really looked at you, and something in his eyes shifted—earnest, vulnerable, cracked open. “Tomorrow,” he said with new resolve. “Okay? Tomorrow, you and I—we’ll go shopping. Get baby stuff. Clear out that spare room of yours—because I know it still has boxes you’ve been avoiding, and let’s be honest, you’re not getting rid of those without someone pushing you.” He offered you the smallest of smiles. Not perfect, not entirely confident—but real.

You stared at him for a long moment, then gave a soft, quiet, “Okay.”

Rafael nodded, the smile widening a touch. “Okay.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, it felt like maybe something was beginning to mend.

[megalony]

Stay With Me

This is an Eddie Diaz imagine, requested by the lovely @klovesreading, I hope you all like it. Feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@noonenuts@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @topguncultleader @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream

911 Masterlist

Summary: After an argument with Eddie, (Y/n) picks up an extra shift at work. Both of them wish she didn't when she gets shot on duty.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Y/n) hauled off Eddie's hoodie that she had been wearing all afternoon and slung it over the back of the dining room chair before she headed through into the kitchen. It felt strange to have the house deathly quiet and barely alive like this. But she had just taken Chris to spend the night with Evan since they hadn't had a lot of time together recently and Chris was starting to miss his uncle Buck.

She loved Chris to death, he had quickly wormed his way into her heart and when he started to call (Y/n) mum, it was the best day of her life. She wasn't used to having the house this quiet without him playing his video games or dancing away to music. But it would be nice to have a night with Eddie without having to worry if Chris could hear them or if he was alright and check what he was doing.

She knew he was with Evan and having the time of his life; whenever her brother came round Chris never wanted him to leave. Last week he went as far as having a meltdown when Evan had to go on shift and leave them. At least he didn't have to be upset this time, he could spend the full night with 'his Buck' and (Y/n) knew Eddie was relieved that Chris's first night away from home- other than being with his grandparents- was with someone they both trusted.

Rounding the kitchen counter, (Y/n) tiredly looked in the fridge, trying to decide if she was actually hungry or not. She had been feeling sick today and the past few days she had no energy, even when she was at work all she wanted to do was go home to bed.

(Y/n) could hear that Eddie had put the tv on in the living room a few minutes ago when he came home and she guessed he would soon be looking for a movie to watch together. With his work pattern, whenever Eddie got an evening or a day off, he binged a few good movies because he didn't have a lot of free time to watch movies. Other than the same five cartoon movies Chris was currently obsessed with.

"When did you get this?"

Pulling away from the fridge, (Y/n) heaved it shut with a sigh and turned on her heels to look over at Eddie.

Her eyes raked over his frame, noticing the way his hair was brushed back on his head and curling up at the ends like he had run it through with wax. He was wearing a dark grey sleeveless shirt and his body was leaning up against the kitchen doorway. His arms were crossed over his chest and for a second, (Y/n) wasn't sure what he was referring to, until her eyes landed on the small box he had put on the counter in front of him.

A pregnancy test.

"Oh, uh, I don't know, last week maybe?" She leaned forward on the counter and arched her back out with her arms folded in front of her.

(Y/n) had bought so many pregnancy tests this last year that she couldn't remember when she got most of them. Usually when she thought she had one in the bathroom cupboard, she went and found she'd already used it and had to go for another. That was probably a spare one she'd bought on the off chance of needing it.

It was a sore subject to talk about at the moment.

A whole year they had been trying. A year of wanting to get pregnant and coming up empty handed with a lot of false positives. Chris had become (Y/n)'s child as much as Eddie's when they got married, he was calling and referring to her as his mum and (Y/n) was in the process of adopting him. But it didn't stop her wanting to have a baby of her own.

She yearned to have a baby and see Eddie with a baby in his arms and Eddie had as much baby fever as (Y/n), but nothing was going to plan. (Y/n) was pregnant two months after they got married but it hadn't been straight forward. (Y/n) thought she might have been pregnant, she had a suspicion but before she could take a test or book a doctor's appointment, she woke in the night with horrid cramps and found out she'd miscarried without really knowing she was pregnant.

That was as close as she came to being pregnant. For the year that they had been trying, nothing had happened and (Y/n) didn't know what to do with herself or how to get out of the slump it was putting her in.

"I thought we agreed not to do any more tests for a while?" Eddie uncrossed his arms and crossed the kitchen to reach her but he hated the glum, broken look in (Y/n)'s eyes when she looked up at him.

Without replying, (Y/n) simply shrugged and started to tangle her fingers together. She didn't acknowledge Eddie's hand on her lower back because she knew where this conversation was going to go. All she did was tilt her head to the right when Eddie's lips merged with her neck and she let herself melt into the feeling, just for a while.

"Mi amor?"

"I wasn't intending on using it, not yet anyway." She didn't remember when she bought it, she had on intentions of sitting and looking at a negative test.

"That's what you said before," Eddie rolled his lips together and took a deep breath when (Y/n) shrugged out of his touch and turned to face him with one elbow leant on the counter.

"That's not funny."

"I'm not trying to joke. We said we wouldn't take any more tests after last time."

Eddie didn't want to come home and find (Y/n) slumped on the floor, staring into the void of a negative test. Unable to move, unsure what to say. If she wanted to do a test Eddie would rather (Y/n) do it when he was home with her but that being said, he didn't want to take any more tests. Not unless they were dead certain they were within a chance of having a positive.

He was sick of seeing the negatives on the test and watching a little piece of (Y/n) break each time they took a test. Eddie would rather forget about tests all together and forget that they were trying for a baby. If they didn't overthink this, then maybe they would have a baby without having to focus and try so hard.

"And we're not." (Y/n) dragged her fingers through her hair, brushing the strands further back on her head and out of her eyes. She moved away from the counter and grabbed the dreaded test that had become her enemy rather than her friend.

"Good."

"Why is that good?" She couldn't drag her eyes away from the test to look over at Eddie. Just this once, (Y/n) wished she could tear it open, try the test and have it come back positive.

Just this once. Was she really asking too much by wanting a baby?

"Because I don't like seeing you break down every time we get a test. Hide the damn thing and forget about it. We might get lucky without all the pressure." Eddie leaned back, using his quick reflexes to catch the test when (Y/n) tossed it his way. If he wanted to hide it, he could go ahead and they would see if his relaxed way would go down well or not.

(Y/n) clamped her hand down on her hip and leaned her other side into the counter. Her eyes watched her husband with intrigue as he tossed the test from one hand to the other like it was burning hot and scolding his skin. But her heart dropped down to her stomach when she noticed him glance towards the bin. It was a quick, swift movement, barely noticeable, but (Y/n) saw. She almost expected him to toss the test in the bin but he settled on throwing it on the top shelf in the medicine cupboard.

"May as well forget about it, we won't need it."

His words were like a knife puncturing through (Y/n)'s stomach and she could feel bile creeping up the back of her throat as her stomach twisted and clenched.

"Why would you say that?" The pain in (Y/n)'s eyes matched the croak in her voice and she furiously rubbed her sleeve against her eyes to stop herself from crying. She had cried enough, she wasn't in the mood to break down about this, again.

It hurt more than Eddie could comprehend that when he and Shannon had Chris, they hadn't been trying for a baby. Chris was the reason they got married, both being Catholics and raised with the installed thought of 'doing the right thing.' Chris was a surprise, the best kind, he and Shannon didn't have to try for a year to have a baby and Shannon took that and the family she had, for granted.

And here (Y/n) was, married to the man who stole her heart from the first moment they met. She loved him and Chris and they had their own little family together, but (Y/n) couldn't seem to catch a break when it came to a baby. They had done things the way Eddie's family would have wanted, marriage first, then children. But none were arriving.

(Y/n)'s teeth started to grind down together when Eddie stared across at her with those big doe eyes that were full of panic and fright.

He hadn't meant to say that outloud.

"No, baby I didn't mean it like that."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't." His hands moved to clamp down on his hips and his head tilted to the side as he looked at her with a hardened, unhappy expression. "We don't need a fucking test right now, we need to stop panicking. We have time and it'll either happen or it won't."

He didn't like the way (Y/n) scoffed and her lips curled into a snarky smile. Why could he not see this from her perspective?

"Why not just give up, hm? Shannon didn't even have to try to have Chris and I've been with you almost five years and all I get is a false positive and then a miscarriage. Clearly it's not happening."

"That's not what I'm saying. Do you think I enjoy seeing you upset like this? I'm sick of seeing you so broken and not being able to do anything about it. At least whenever Shannon did a test she didn't cry when it was negative,"

"Well it's a fucking shame you married me, Edmundo."

Eddie knew he had taken it too far the moment he spoke and hearing his full name from (Y/n) only made him cringe and back up into the counter. He hated the way she said his name. He knew he well and truly fucked up when (Y/n) croaked his name like that and had to fight back tears from his crudeness.

He didn't mean it.

Tears welled up in the corners of Eddie's eyes when (Y/n) bypassed him, moving as far to the counter as she could so even her arm didn't brush his chest an inch. And panic bubbled up in Eddie's chest when he watched his wife barge through the dining room, grab her bag from the table and march towards the front door.

What was she doing? Where was she going? He didn't want her to leave, he wanted to stay and talk and make up for the stupid things he had just said that he well and truly didn't mean.

"Wait- where are you going?" The panic in his voice almost made (Y/n) crumble. Almost.

With her jacket slung over her arm and her bag on her shoulder, (Y/n) grabbed her keys and unlocked the door.

"I'm going to work."

"You're not on shift. Baby don't leave, I'm sorry I didn't mean it-"

"I'll pick up the night shift and pray I won't be such a cry baby by morning." When the door slammed shut behind her, Eddie slumped his back into the wall and let himself slide down to the floor with a thud.

What had he done?

***

"Are you okay?"

(Y/n) slumped down in her seat and leaned her head against the window that felt cold and soothing against her burning temple. Night shifts always caught her off guard, they didn't make her feel great when most of her shifts were day shifts since Eddie did a fair few nights.

Every time she went onto a night shift, (Y/n) felt like she was going to collapse the moment she got home and she could never sleep during the day which made her feel even worse. But being on shift was preferable to being at home with Eddie and either sitting in silence or carrying on the argument.

"Just tired,"

"Hm. Makes sense that you'd pick up the late shift if you're tired." Athena tilted her head to the side and gave (Y/n) a knowing look, sporting her signature, calming smile.

Since moving down to LA with Evan, the siblings both felt like Athena and Bobby had taken them under their wings and become their surrogate parents. Bobby looked out for Evan at the station and was always there for him outside of the station when he needed him. And when (Y/n) became a cop, she had Athena to look out for her and be there when she needed a shoulder to lean on.

"I'd just rather be anywhere else right now." There was no point divuldging why she was here and not back at home on her day off. It was easier to try and forget the reason why she wasn't going home yet and pray that in the morning, the atmosphere would be gone by the time she walked through the door.

A bolt of relief surged through (Y/n) when the radio went off, asking for assistance. She needed something to focus her mind on because she wasn't the one driving tonight. Driving the streets aimlessly was something she and Eddie did when they or Chris couldn't sleep and it was only going to make (Y/n) break down and want to go back home.

"Anyone available to assist in a house call? Neighbours are reporting raised voices and items being thrown."

"This is Seven-two-seven-L-thirty, responding."

(Y/n) looked across at Athena as she shimmied up and sat up straight in her seat to try and liven herself up. It was strange to see Athena without her usual sunglasses she always wore when she was on shift, but she didn't wear them out on a night shift. It tended to give people the wrong impression and they didn't exactly help.

"Off we go," (Y/n) heaved herself out the car and stretched, clicking her back into place as she shut the door behind her.

As soon as she was on her feet, (Y/n) felt like the cold air was wrapping her up and suffocating her. Her stomach was still churning from earlier and she was sweating despite the cool midnight breeze.

"The side gates open, I'll take a look."

(Y/n) nodded and watched Athena move away from the path towards the right side of the house. The gate was swinging open in the wind, creaking back and forth which wasn't alarming but it could be something to worry about.

With a deep breath, (Y/n) followed the narrow path up to the front door and tried to peek into the window to see if there were any lights on or any sound of noise. The neighbours called in raised voices and items being thrown about but the house was deadly quiet right now.

"Police, could you open the door please? We're here for a welfare check." (Y/n) knocked on the door three times before she leaned towards the window when she heard some movement. "Open the door please." She tried again with another round of knocking but whoever was inside was now rummaging around. They weren't going to open up.

A sigh passed her lips as she took a few steps away from the door and moved back onto the path. Her hand curled around her radio and she did a sweep around the quiet street.

"Athena, any luck round back? I might check in with the neighbours- oh, someone's opening up."

When the door unlocked and creaked open, (Y/n) walked back up the steps but she stopped short when a woman shot out the door. She collided into (Y/n)'s shoulder, pushing her back and causing her to twist on her feet as she regained her balance. Falling on the pavement wasn't going to do her any favours tonight.

"Miss- miss wait-"

(Y/n) scrunched her hand around the girl's sleeve and tried in vain to stop her bolting away and rushing down the empty street. But just as her hand left the girl's shoulder, everything seemed to stop when a shot rang through the air.

At first, she thought Athena had come through the house and was trying to apprehend someone. It didn't dawn on (Y/n) that it was someone else in the house shooting until a blinding, horrifying pain coursed through her left shoulder.

Her body tilted backwards and she managed to stay upright for three wobbling steps back while her right hand moved to press to her shoulder without thinking. Blood soaked into her palm. The touch on her shoulder made it ignite in white hot pain. No air went in or out of her lungs and her knees caved in on her.

She didn't reach the floor before another shot imbedded in her left thigh just before her back hit the ground.

Her head smashed into the pavement, sending her vision black with little white spots like the stars had fell down to Earth and were dancing in front of her eyes.

The collision seemed to act as a button that turned her hearing off. All (Y/n) could hear was static. It was buzzing in her ears, ringing around in her head and worsening the way her body was shaking when she couldn't hear what was going on. Her eyes wouldn't focus on anything but the flashing stars blinking in front of her. How could she protect herself if all she could see were stars and all she could hear was blinding, buzzing background static.

(Y/n) couldn't help herself if the gunman came outside and tried to shoot at her or the civilian who most probably had fled the street by now. She couldn't protect Athena if she didn't know what was going on or where (Y/n) and the shooter were.

All she could do was lie there like prey, giving in and ready to be killed for sport.

"Shots fired! Officer down I need immediate back up and an ambulance to my location now!" Athena slumped down on her knees, dragging her eyes over (Y/n)'s frame. She had handcuffed the shooter to the radiator in the doorway after she entered the house through the open back door.

She could feel Athena's hand briefly grab hers to let her know who it was beside her and that she was safe.

"(Y/n), can you hear me? You just stay with me, help is on the way."

Something akin to a gurgling scream burned at the back of (Y/n)'s throat when she felt something tight strap around her thigh somewhere near the wounded area. She couldn't pinpoint where she had been shot. Her leg was tingling from her hip bone all the way down to her toes that were cold and numb in her boots.

Her head turned to the side and her hands blindly reached out while her vision slowly started to come back to her. She could just about see Athena hovering over her and she soon realised Athena had used her belt as a turniquet around her thigh to prevent the blood loss. As soon as she pulled it tighter, (Y/n) screamed and thrashed her upper body down against the concrete.

Everything started to shake. Each breath she took made her chest shudder and spit foamed at her mouth as she pushed her breaths through gritted teeth that were puncturing down into her tongue.

Everything burned. Everything hurt. She was trapped in a body that was on fire and tearing itself apart.

Why did she bother coming on shift tonight? Why didn't she stay home with Eddie? An argument wasn't worth getting shot at, she should have talked things out with him.

He begged her to stay, why didn't she stay?

"Stay with me, sweetie, stay with me."

Tears stained (Y/n)'s face and burned into her skin like acid when both Athena's hands pressed down on her shoulder. She couldn't tie anything around her arm or chest as a turniquet, all Athena could do was apply as much pressure as she could to slow down the bleeding until paramedics came to help.

The pressure made (Y/n) choke and she reached a hand out, fumbling around until she could curl her fingers around Athena's wrist.

"Eddie. Eddie."

"Sweetie let's focus on getting some medics here-"

"Eddie!"

She screamed her husband's name at the top of her lungs until she saw Athena grapple with one hand to fish her phone out of her pocket. She had to keep (Y/n) calm or else she was going to go into shock and that wouldn't do her any favours when she had two gunshot wounds.

Blood smeared onto her phone when she swiped a shaky finger across the screen and scrolled down to Eddie's contact. As soon as she clicked on his name, she returned both hands to (Y/n)'s shoulder and pushed down as hard as she could until it felt like her hands were going to burst through (Y/n)'s body.

"Athena? Everything okay?" Eddie's confused voice came through the speaker and just the tone of his voice made (Y/n)'s head loll to the right towards the phone, wishing he was here instead of on the other end of the line.

Sirens wailed in the distance before she could answer and it made her jaw clench. She shouldn't be calling Eddie yet, it was too early when all the attention needed to be focused on (Y/n), but if she didn't, she had a feeling (Y/n) would become very hard to calm and control.

"Eddie I need you to listen carefully. (Y/n)'s been involved in an accident, you need to meet us at Mercy hospital."

"No, no what kind of accident? Is she okay?!"

"Eddie," (Y/n)'s eyes dazed around in circles, unable to focus on anything except the sound of her husband's panicked voice. His name slipped past her lips again, but much quieter this time and (Y/n) found she couldn't hear his response, or anything Athena was trying to shout at her.

"(Y/n), honey you stay with me now, help is here. Eddie meet us at the hospital." She ended the call, swallowing down the guilt consuming every inch of her being when the last thing she heard was Eddie's scream of protest. She couldn't have him on the phone when she could feel (Y/n)'s pulse was starting to fade. They had to get her to the hospital and Eddie would have to drown in the same panic as Athena until he got there.

***

This had to be the one. This was the third ambulance Eddie had seen pull into the parking bay just at the side of the emergency room entrance. He hastily parked his car as close as he could get and stood to the side of the ambulance entrance to the hospital. Eddie knew if he went through the reception in the emergency room he would be pushed to the side and would have to wait for hours in agony.

Whereas if he waited here, he could see Athena and (Y/n) come through the emergency room and he could stay with them that way.

Two ambulances had parked up since Eddie got here and neither of them had brought in his wife. He was starting to lose the feeling in his fingers and feet and at any moment he was sure he would throw up. If he hadn't of started the argument, (Y/n) wouldn't have gone on shift and she wouldn't have been hurt somehow.

The only silver lining here was that Chris was staying with Evan for the night. Eddie didn't have to panic and flutter about finding someone to look after Chris and waste time driving around. He had been able to get straight in the car and drive down to the hospital.

Eddie looked down to his phone again, desperate to call Athena but he knew better. His eyes flitted between his phone and the latest ambulance and he took two steps closer when the back doors opened.

Bingo.

"Athena!" He slipped his phone back into his pocket and skidded across the path to reach them, growling when one of the medics tried to push him back.

"Sir stand back-"

"That's my wife!" Both Eddie's hands moved to tangle in his hair and he started to yank harshly on the strands, feeling a few hairs coming loose between his fingers. His elbows pressed out at his sides and each breath started to run away from him when he realised what they were doing.

One of the medics was stood on the side of the stretcher, hands interlocked, arms straight, pushing compressions down on (Y/n)'s chest. Her heart had stopped.

There was an airbag attached to her mouth and nose, pushing each breath she needed through her system. Eddie spied a turniquet on her left leg and a bundle of gauze and rolls of bandage wrapped around her upper thigh that were starting to turn crimson. Another medic was stood on the other side, applying pressure and a large wad of gauze down onto (Y/n)'s left shoulder but the blood was everywhere. Soaked into her shirt, smeared up her neck, lathering the medic's hands and wrists.

Blood was splattered all over Athena. Her shirt, her hands all the way upto her elbows. A few droplets were even dotted on her cheek from back splash when she tried to stem the bleeding.

Eddie's feet were moving before he could comprehend what was happening and suddenly he and Athena were bolting inside down the hall after the gurney. They stopped only when the gurney travelled down a restricted corridor and the pair of them were left waiting, helpless in an empty corridor.

"What happened?"

"We were doing a welfare check… a woman fled the house and the husband open fired on the lawn. We didn't know he had a gun, there was nothing we could do."

"S-someone, shot her?"

He wasn't sure why, but gunshots didn't cross his mind when he saw the blood and the gauze padded onto his wife. He thought of knife wounds or a car accident. Eddie was married to a cop and a gunshot didn't even cross his mind.

He had to call Evan. And Maddie. He needed to find someone who would be able to watch Chris so Evan could come down to the hospital, he wouldn't be persuaded otherwise once Eddie called him and told him the news. (Y/n)'s siblings were the closest people to her, they were her world, the people who raised her when their parents couldn't. They would want to be here, waiting with Eddie for news.

What had he done? Why did he let her leave?

***

A groan tumbled past Eddie's lips and he slowly brought a hand up to his eyes, rubbing forcefully to try and wake himself up and take a look around. He could of cried when he realised he was in the same spot he had been hours ago. He wasn't waking up from this nightmare, he was trapped.

The moment he tilted his head up, his neck clicked into place and sent a shudder running down the base of his spine. His legs were numb and tingling, stretched out in front of him and his back was aching from falling asleep on the floor, leant up against the wall.

The chairs had been too uncomfy to sit on for long and when a panic attack took over him, Eddie curled up on the floor and hadn't moved since.

He stretched his arms above his head but when his eyes locked on a doctor aiming his way, Eddie jumped to attention. He stood up on wobbling legs and braced himself back against the wall with his hands clasped together in front of him. In the time it took the doctor to walk across the corridor to him, Eddie's hands were dripping with sweat and the back of his neck prickled with heat and goosebumps.

"Mr Diaz?"

His throat was too tight to speak so he settled for nodding his head and moved across with the doctor to sit on the chairs a few feet away.

Suddenly, Eddie was glad he was alone. If this conversation went the wrong way, Eddie didn't want to be around friends and family when he had a break down. Evan and Maddie were on their way here as soon as they could drop Chris off with Hen and Karen. Athena had gone to get changed after her interview with the chief of police and she would be back later with Bobby.

That left Eddie to sit and panic in the corridor for the last three hours, riding out the early morning in a state of perpetual fear he had never felt before.

"Your wife is out of surgery, it went very well."

Relief washed over Eddie like the tide claiming the sand and he let his body slump forward to land his head in his hands.

Thank God. It worked. She was okay.

"We removed both bullets, the one in her thigh was less severe. I'm afraid the shot to the shoulder managed to fracture into the joint. It will take longer to heal and your wife will need physiotherapy."

"She… she coded when she arrived…" Eddie wasn't sure what he was asking but he could feel the panic swirling around in his head. (Y/n) had stopped breathing when the ambulance pulled up. She had CPR on her way into theatre, that could have had a lot of adverse affects and cause lasting problems, depending on how long she was not breathing.

"We restarted her heart upon arrival, she's had normal rhythm since then and two blood transfusions. We were rather worried surgery would push her body into a miscarriage, but so far the fetus seems fine. We will keep doing daily observations just to make sure."

"What are you talking about?"

Her expression faltered and Eddie watched the way she fiddled with her hands on her lap, grimacing at her mistake. She should have eased into that conversation and tied to gage whether Eddie had any inkling about this or not. Now she had put her foot right in it.

"I'm very sorry, I presumed you would have known. Your wife is pregnant, congratulations, you are both very lucky under the circumstances."

Eddie's hands clamped together and he leaned forward, pressing his mouth against the side of his hand with a sudden desire to bite down into the flesh and rip it apart.

What had he done?

Their argument earlier in the night had been futile and pointless and he should have stopped her from leaving. If they took the test the night would have gone very differently. If they had worked things out and stayed home together, they would have found out this news in a few weeks and everything would have been better. (Y/n) wouldn't need to be pent up on bed rest and undergoing surgery and physio and cardiac arrest. She wouldn't have gone through all of this and ended up being shot if they didn't argue.

"I want to see her."

"Of course, this way."

Eddie could barely feel his legs when he stood up. He was trembling all over and he raked his nails over his thighs to try and ward off the sudden energy and adrenaline fuelling through his system.

"Eddie," The way she said his name when he bolted through the door made him shiver. He couldn't get her voice out of his head. When he closed his eyes, he could still hear her crying out for him while he sat motionless and powerless to do anything to help his wife. He was never going to get that shrill cry out of his head, no matter what he did to try and forget.

Tears were already streaming down his face by the time he stumbled over to the bed and reached out for her.

He could see the way her eyes blinked rapidly and how she tilted her head groggily to the side to try and lock her gaze onto him. She had only just started to come round from the anaesthetic.

Eddie let himself slump down on the side of the bed and he took a second to rake his eyes over his wife's frame. Her left arm was wrapped up in a sling, bound to her chest which she seemed rather put out and confused about. And he didn't dare look under the blanket to see how badly her leg would look. He could only imagine how discoloured, swollen and sore it was going to be. Eddie had had his fair share of bullet wounds in the past.

When her fingers curled around his bicep, Eddie slipped his hands beneath her back as carefully as he could and gently pulled (Y/n) up when she tried to lean over for him. Her right arm curled around his neck, scratching her nails into his skin and her face slumped forward onto his shoulder. While Eddie wrapped one arm around her lower waist to keep her pinned into his chest and his other hand cupped the back of her neck.

He buried his nose into her hair and sighed against the side of her temple, pressing as many kisses to her skin as he could manage.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

(Y/n) turned her head until she could press a butterfly kiss against the underside of Eddie's jaw and her hazy eyes tried to focus on him when he pulled his head back to look down at her.

"Hm?" What was he sorry for? From what (Y/n) could recall, Eddie hadn't been the one to shoot her. He hadn't done anything wrong, he didn't force her out the house or make her pick up that shift. She should have gone for a drive to clear her head instead of pushing herself to go on shift when she didn't need to. It was stupid of her.

"I shouldn't have let you walk out the door. If I didn't say all those things, you wouldn't have been hurt." Eddie tilted his head to the side and swiped his cheek against his shoulder to rid the tears from his eyes. words were never going to be enough to explain how horrid and idiotic and ruthless he felt for what had happened tonight.

"Baby, I walked out… I k- I knew going to work would be a bad idea," (Y/n) leaned forward again and buried her face into Eddie's neck, groaning into his shoulder when it felt like a storm was rolling into her mind.

"We should have taken the test,"

"Hm?"

(Y/n)'s lips twitched against Eddie's neck and she curled her hand against his back and nuzzled her nose into his neck. She couldn't see what he meant by that, unless there was some secret undertone she was missing. Her eyes soon opened and her lips parted when Eddie's arms suddenly unravelled from her skin and moved to cup her face instead. He smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks and gently lifted her head up from his neck so he could look down at her.

The hazy look in her eyes made his heart melt and when she tried to smile so sweetly up at him, Eddie shivered. She had been shot, twice, and had been on the brink of death and here she was trying to smile to calm him down.

"Mi amor, you're pregnant."

Confusion flooded her face and her eyes narrowed while her smile morphed into something closer to unsettling panic.

If this was some sort of joke, it was in very poor taste and it wasn't funny in the least. But the longer (Y/n) stared up at Eddie, the sooner she realised he wasn't trying to play some sick joke on her or guilt trip her. A cry burned at the back of her throat and she choked on her breath as her head started to shake.

"But… I," (Y/n)'s hand fumbled towards her shoulder and her leg twitched at the memory of being hurt. If she was pregnant, she had put herself and the baby in danger by going on shift tonight. She had been shot, how could the baby be okay after that?

"Shh, it's okay, you're both okay." Eddie's fingers brushed across her cheeks, wiping away the tears falling down her face before he leaned down to kiss her. "And I'm gonna make sure nothing else happens to you. I swear."

[starhvney]

𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝟑 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟖: 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐋?

𝐂𝐖: ptsd and descriptions of depression and anxiety, descriptions of reader’s hair being short, reader has scars, reader is medicated

𝐀/𝐍: this is the last chapter of subject 3! but not the end of this story…

𝐖𝐂: 8,800+

𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑: the absolutely amazing @arienic! she's so cool guys

𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 | 𝐀𝐎𝟑 | 𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒

Your parents had brought you your favorite pair of pajamas to change into. The fabric's softer than you remember, soothing against your skin as you were ushered into the back seat for the ride home. After you'd settled in, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders, you were given your phone in a plastic bag. The screen was cracked, and when you turned it on a black line went down part of the screen. Apparently it had been dropped off the side of the road, likely to keep from tracking.

 Still, it was usable.

“It’s probably best for you to wait until you’ve settled in at home to respond to anyone's messages. And I highly recommend waiting until going on any sort of social media platform.”

Maybe it's for the best that you wait, because as soon as your phone turned on you were overloaded with more messages than your screen could even keep up with.

302 messages, 107 missed calls… So many random message requests from people you didn’t even know on social media.

Even if you weren’t still groggy from all of the anti-anxiety medicine, you don’t think you'd be able to even start unpacking most of this. Like the doctor said, it was best if you waited for a moment. You’re not even sure you can trust your parents at this point; not with how much they were clearly hiding. You’ll question them later. Later, not now, because right now… well, it’s just too much to think.

☆

The warm draft of the afternoon is gentle on your face as you gaze out at the street, the curtain sheers swaying behind you with the wind before settling across your back. This repeats in a rhythmic motion as you stay perfectly still with your chin on the edge of your windowsill, watching the world turn without you.

A silver car had pulled into the driveway about ten minutes ago, and since then there had been distant voices downstairs, too faint to make out but loud enough for you to know someone else was here in the house. So when there’s a gentle knock on the doorway of your otherwise silent room, you don’t startle or jump like you had been doing for the whole week you’ve been back.

“Good afternoon,” a man greets.

It takes effort that you don’t have to turn your head, still slouched against the wall as you examine the visitor. He has a kind face, the wrinkles that were imprinted on his skin showing he’s done a lot more smiling than frowning in his life; his voice is perfectly modulated and low in timbre.

“I’m Dr. August McCoy, do you remember me?”

He was the kindest doctor you'd spoken to in the hospital. You nod.

Dr. McCoy gives you a small smile and steps into your room. “Wonderful.”

You probably need to move now, to sit up from this spot you’ve been planted in for hours. So, after taking a moment to gather your energy, you do. The joints in your knees ache as you unfold your legs from beneath you, hands leaving your lap and flattening against the hardwood floor.

“Oh no, you don’t have to move. That’s quite a comfy spot you’ve chosen.” He smiles gently, walking closer and gesturing to a spot across from you, by the other side of the windowsill. “If it’s alright, I’ll just sit here with you.”

You nod again. With a quiet grunt, he takes a spot a few feet away from you, rubbing his knees when he’s settled in a cross-legged position.

“These knees don’t work like they used to,” he chuckles lightly, setting down a notebook and pen next to him before his brown eyes pivot back to you. “You seemed like you were pretty lost in thought, there.”

Yes—surely in the long period you'd been sitting here in silence, some train of thought had passed through your mind. But, truth be told, you hadn’t been thinking. Not at all. The emptiness making itself home in your chest was the only thing you could focus on, its heaviness pulling in your soul like a black hole, slowly consuming you.

“Ah, perhaps not thinking at all,” Dr. McCoy answers for you. “Simply sitting in silence and letting your mind rest is also quite the healthy practice.”

“I wasn’t really thinking about anything, yeah,” you admit. You're relieved when he hums in understanding.

“I see.” He casually rests his elbows on his knees. “Well, the last time we talked, you mentioned that you were going to talk to the couple who found you. How did that go?”

Donna and Logan. They came by to visit you a few days after you’d returned—by your request and their—or at least Donna’s—eagerness. She was a sweet woman with an endearing Southern accent. Her husband wasn’t so sweet in comparison, but he at least seemed to want to know if you were alright.

They'd been on a long drive back from their honeymoon when you'd ran onto the road, covered in blood, and collapsed in front of their car. Donna told you she recognized you when she saw the news, that she remembered you as the “cute little girl who came in the store with that punk ass Gene” sometime during the school year. After she brought it up, you remembered her as well—though at the time, skipping school and the… stalker were your biggest concerns. You thanked them both for saving you, and she gave you her number in case you needed any help, including “kicking Gene or any boy that gives you trouble's ass”.

“It was nice,” you tell Doctor McCoy. “Donna's… She's a good woman.”

“Yes, I’m positive she is.” He pauses. “After you had that conversation with them, can you tell me what you thought; what you felt?”

You glance away, back out to the street. After Donna had gone off about simple teenager problems like boy drama, the memories of your life last school year came flooding back.

“Ah, I see something there,” he notes, reading you like a book. “A thought? A question?”

Silence falls as he gives you time to answer.

“Will I ever be normal again?”

He smiles, tilting his head. “Well, what is normal?”

“...What?”

“To answer your question I need to know how you define normal. It varies from person to person, you know.”

“I… I don’t know. Happy. Not always feeling like something bad is going to happen.” You sigh, shrugging. “Like how I was last year. Even though I was still worried about things happening, I still had fun.”

He nods, looking very assured of himself. “Then yes, you can.”

“…How do you know that?”

“Because! If you want to get better, then you shall.” He leans forward again, tapping his finger against the side of his head “The human mind is the most powerful thing anyone can own. You can heal yourself by just believing more than any pill I give you.”

You lower your head. “You’re making it sound like it’s simple.”

“Oh, I never claimed it was. It’s going to be a very difficult journey, and you’re likely going to fall down, many many times. But… you know what?” He turns his finger towards you. “You are a very strong young woman. And the fact you’re thinking about getting better instead of just giving up is a big enough sign to me that you have the strength to get through this.”

“What should I do then?” you whisper, looking back up at him.

“Well, for starters, you said you want to be “normal” again, yes?”

“Yes…”

He gestures out the window. “Well, what would a 'normal' girl your age be doing right now? Where are your friends?”

The start of your junior year began yesterday. 

“At school.”

He leans back, now gesturing to you.

“Then why don’t you return to school?”

Return to school?

Was that even possible? Whoever had taken you still hasn’t been found. You’re a risk, a liability. The special treatment on top of having to deal with everyday high school issues… would that have to be your life? Were you supposed to deal with Ivy shit-talking you while downing your daily Citalopram at the same time? Could you do your Algebra homework while dealing with night terrors and only getting three hours of sleep again?

He chuckles. “Oh, that’s quite a face you made to that. I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to high school right now. I mean, being surrounded by so many people your age at such a time in your life…  Well, that sounds like a nightmare, doesn’t it?”

That’s an understatement. “Yeah.”

“That’s understandable. But, sometimes, the best way for people with PTSD to be on their way to becoming 'normal' is to simply return to the same life they had before—even if it’s a bit out of their comfort zone.”

Talking right now to this man one-on-one feels like pulling teeth, never mind going to a place with hundreds of kids your age every day. It was daunting before, but now… isn’t it almost impossible to imagine? Would the childish bullying you endured last year get worse, or will everyone treat you like a ticking time bomb?

“How am I supposed to act normal in school when everyone knows what happened to me? They’re going to treat me like I’m some—some case.”

“Oh, you will get quite some attention at first, good and bad,” he says lightly. It’s a little aggravating. “But, with time, that will fade, and your friends who truly care about you are the ones you can trust to help you through it.  I heard from your mom that you have a pretty great group of friends. Don’t you?”

You glance at your wall, covered in photographs, drawings, and notes—all from just one year since… today? No—yesterday. “Yes.”

“Since you mentioned you were having some trouble trusting people, I want you to take a moment to think about the friends you truly trust.” He emphasizes his words with a determined closed fist. “Do you have a diary?”

A journal with beautiful gold gilding lays on the corner of your desk, untouched since summer.

“...Yes. My friend Nana gave it to me.”

“Then, I want you to read over your journal and think about all of the people you know through the perspective of the journal, not through your current perspective. Then, on a sheet of paper, write down every person you trust. Don’t write down people you don’t trust, either. Only a list of people you know you can rely on. Maybe this Miss Nana can be one of the first you write down, yes?”

“Why not people I can’t trust?” Your eyebrows pinch together.

“Because, just like you have, people can always change. You don’t want to doom someone to be permanently on your untrustworthy list, just like you don’t want people to treat you differently because of what happened.”

“...Even people who I know are bullies?”

“Well if you already know that they are, you don’t need to write down that you need to stay away from them, do you? You seem to already remember!” he laughs, clasping his worn hands together. “Make that list, and think about what you want to do. Maybe try hanging out with the friends you trust after making it, and then decide from there if you want to return to school or not. How does that sound?”

☆

You stare down at the blank page on your desk, a freshly sharpened pencil twirling mindlessly between your fingers. Your hair was still damp from the shower; your goal of feeling warm under the running water quickly losing its appeal as you shiver in your chair. 

December 29, 20xx

Nana gave me this journal. It’s so pretty that I almost don’t want to write in it and mess it up. But I figured I shouldn’t let her gift go to waste, either. She’s always been so sweet. This isn't the only thing she got me, either—there's way more sitting on my bed right now, and all because she was so grateful I’ve been a good friend to her. I wanted to tell her that I was even more grateful that she and everyone else was friends with me, but I can't remember if I actually said it out loud like I meant to.

Speaking of gifts, actually—Vylad really loved the gift that I gave him! I was a little nervous he wouldn’t be all that excited about it, but I should’ve known better. He was as grateful and cheerful as ever. I’m really glad he’s become a part of the friend group, not just as Garroth’s little brother but as himself. I kinda wish Zane would try, too, but also… I don’t know what his deal is. I’m still mad at him for trying to be one of Gene’s little gang members. For how amazing Zianna is, I’m surprised he’s turning out to be a bit of a punk. It might be because of Garte. No, it definitely is. I just hope he gets his shit figured out before he starts doing stupid stuff to be “edgy”.

Anyway, right now everyone’s doing their own thing with their families, but I think we’re going to go to Laurance’s house for fireworks and stuff on New Year's? I’m pretty excited, cause I haven’t been to his and Cadenza’s house yet. Apparently they have a few sheep that their dad takes care of? So cute! Cadenza told me she was going to show me some string she literally spun HERSELF from the wool to use for making clothes. She is so much cooler than me.

You suck in a breath, then bring the graphite down onto the dauntingly white page.

People I trust:

Nana

Vylad

Garroth

Zane?? Not really 

Definitely Zianna

Laurance

Cadenza

Next pages…

January 8, 20xx

It’s the first day back from the break, and surprisingly enough I still haven’t had to deal with anybody being rude. At least for now. It’s pretty great, actually. Instead of being a loser freak everyone points and yells at, I’m just a normal loser with some cool friends. I think after Katelyn and Lucinda stood up for me and cussed out enough people, everyone took the hint and turned on Ivy. Who knows if that’ll last, though? I bet she’ll find a way to be as popular as before. But I’ll bask in my victory until that happens.

Gene, Sasha, and Zenix surprisingly have kept their word and haven’t messed with me. I caught them looking at me today during lunch, and Sasha even smiled at me in a not contemptuous way. I still don’t really like them, but… I don’t hate them, either. I guess we have some sort of weird mutual respect for each other now.

February 14, 20xx

Dante and Travis are weirdo little goobers, but they’re hilarious. I thought today would be kinda boring, but they started the day bright and early by attempting to use their best one-liners on me? All of them were shit, but it was entertaining, to say the least.

Also, PDH does this event where you can send flowers, candies, and sodas to people for Valentine's Day. I thought I was getting pranked when I got my entire desk covered in gifts. Some were from my friends (Teony sent me like three things, love her), but a bunch were from anonymous senders? I tried questioning everyone about it but—well, if they knew anything they were doing a good job of acting like they didn’t.

Aaron gave Aphmau a ton of gifts, one of them being a cute plushie. I was a little nervous about them being a thing at first, but with the way she talks about him and how sweet he is to her, I think I’m opening up to it. I still haven’t talked to him much at all, but he seems cool enough when I do. Maybe he was just going through something when school started up. Kinda like me. His friends (some of the werewolf kids I’ve kinda met—Blaze, Rylan, Dottie, and this kid named Daniel) seem pretty fun to be around, too. Anyway, I’m just glad Aphmau gets to have a boyfriend that treats her well. Sylvanna is not super happy, and I understand her overprotectiveness… to an extent. I guess we’ll see how that situation unfolds in the future.

Okay…

People I trust (cont.):

Katelyn

Lucinda

Maybe Gene, Sasha, and Zenix??? Maybe not.

Dante

Travis

Teony

Aphmau

Probably Aaron

Sylvanna

That’s already eighteen people you know at least aren’t wishing for your demise, and most of them are likely still waiting for a response to their messages. You’d replied to a few, but it was hard to know what to say.

“Hey, twentieth person to check in on me! Yes, I am super traumatized, and life will never be the same, but I’m doing great! Alive and well!”

Yeah, probably not.

Eighteen people is a lot of people to trust, doesn’t it? But, you suppose that’s the point Dr. McCoy was trying to make. Still, for this many people (or at least fifteen depending on how accurate you are about the Shadow Knights) to care about you… you guess you hadn’t really counted just how many people you’d become close with over the last year.

Above you on the wall are all of the pictures you’d accumulated; the memories held within the glossy paper are so fond, so warm in your heart, and yet… so distant.

Aphmau and you in your uniforms, posing by the entrance of the school. Your eyes look a little glossed over from how anxious you felt that day, but it was a little funny to look back on.

Katelyn, Nicole, and you: sweaty and laughing after practicing volleyball in the gym. That was the day Katelyn started begging you to join the team.

A candid of Lucinda applying your makeup for prom. You felt so pretty; she had taken extra care to make sure it was perfect for you.

A funny note Dante wrote you in class. He’d drawn a really stupid iteration of the teacher, and you almost got caught cause you'd laughed so hard.

Everyone sitting out on the Ro’meaves' back porch. Zianna had insisted everyone pose for pictures. You were cuddled between Teony and Nana, their arms draped over you.

The collaborative drawing you guys did at the Fall Festival. Garroth’s looks so silly—you remember having to defend him against Laurance’s teasing for a good five minutes. It was so hard to stop laughing.

A selfie Cadenza had taken with you, Aphmau, and Laurance in her car. The siblings’ silly bickering and good music taste started becoming the highlight of your mornings.

Travis, Vylad, Aphmau, and you at the movies, and the ticket you used. You all watched a corny romance movie Aph had begged you all to see with her.

Oh my God… why haven’t you talked to them? You cover your mouth, the features of your face crumpling as a whimpering noise leaves your throat. Why haven’t you seen them?

Shakily, you stand and reach for the closest picture pinned to the wall, weak fingers pinching onto the photo and pulling hastily. It gives easier than you expected, and your socked feet slip from beneath you, sending you tumbling down onto the floor. The tack holding the picture up slips from your grip in the process, finding itself unfortunately underneath you when you crash against the wood, lodging the pointed end right into your hand.

“Ah!” you hiss, tears springing to your eyes. Your turn your palm over to look at the injury. Damn it. “Ow…”

The pain's brief, replaced by a dull throbbing as you sit up. With a grimace, you pinch the thumbtack between your fingers, slowly removing the sharp metal. Though, where blood should’ve gathered in a small drop, the skin immediately seals over the puncture, as if nothing ever happened.

You wipe your face, aching weeps turning into a deep frown.

People I trust (cont.):

My parents…?

You recognize the footsteps of your mother approaching the doorway. “Sweetheart, are you okay? What was that noise?”

Staring at your palm, you offer a bitter response. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“...Are you sure?” She’s quiet, just as cautious as her footsteps as she inches towards you.

“Sure. It healed up in a second, anyway. You know how better than I do,” you snip, whipping your head up to glare at your own image reflected back at you. Her eyes are much more worn, though, the lines in her face creasing as she kneels down to your level.

You don’t want to be mean to her. She’s your mother. But why was she keeping things from you?

There's a shameful twist in the corner of her mouth. Tentatively, her hand reaches out for yours, fingers trembling as she waits for you to take them. Even through the bitterness, the confusion—you take it, your cold skin warmed by hers.

“I… I know you aren’t stupid.” She squeezes your hand. “We do know things about… who it was that took you—”

“Then why are you keeping it from me?” Immediately, your voice raises. “It happened to me! I of all people deserve to know why!”

She tilts her head, her expression pained as she looks at you. It’s love and guilt in one confusing mix.

“I know. I know. And I’m not keeping anything from you on purpose.” She sighs, her shoulders sagging and head dropping. “There are… mistakes your dad and I made. We trusted people we shouldn’t have trusted, and—”

She sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes welling up with tears. “Baby, I’m so sorry. There’s things we kept from you because we thought that—maybe… maybe it'd be easier to protect you if you were in the dark, but…” She closes her eyes, swallowing. “We realize now that was a mistake.”

“...Then why won’t you tell me?” you whisper, your own voice trembling. “And why are other people involved? The Ro’meaves, Sylvanna, Katelyn’s dad—Travis’s dad? The Lycans? Mom, I’m so—I just—I'm so confused—”

“I know it’s frustrating, sweetie. And I don’t blame you for being upset with me. You have the right to be.” She nods, opening her eyes again and squeezing your hand again. “Right now we’re all planning to tell you and… their kids together. In a meeting. We're just trying to figure out the best time to do it. I promise you. We’re going to tell you.”

Your heart drops as the suspicions that have been haunting you for the past few weeks are confirmed, outweighing the relief in the fact that you would be brought to light in everything else. The words that leave your mouth next are panicked and rushed. “Why do they need to tell them, too? Are they targets?”

Her free hand reaches out, clasping onto your shoulder in an attempt to steady the spiraling of your mind—of the possibilities that were already forming into nightmares. “No, no, everything is okay now.”

It was getting hard to breathe. Your lungs strain to get in a full breath, the muscles tightening like a vice and causing your head to spin. “No, the person who did this is still out there. They’re going to get me again, and then they'll go after them! And then maybe, they—mom, what about you, mom—”

“Shh, no they won’t,  baby.” She swipes at your face. “You and everyone are perfectly safe now. Your dad and I aren’t… to let anything like… to… or any of—”

No. No, no, no.

Her voice is—it's gone, overpowered by a terrible ringing in your ears.

There’s the metallic clang of a door shutting to your right, and suddenly the room is dark. The bitter taste of blood stings your tongue, and long, shadowed fingers creep along your shoulders. Ready to dig in and rip apart your flesh. It’s going to get you. It’s going to get you. You never left. You never—

“Look at me…” The owner of the gnarled hands taunts you, in a voice so menacing and deep that you find yourself curling down into a ball, trembling and begging for it to stop, for it to spare you from its malicious intent.

“Look…”

It calls your father’s name.

“Help her!”

Strong, warm hands tug you up by the arms, wrenching you from the dingy stone floor and onto your feet. When the soles of your feet settle flat beneath you again, they’re greeted by the rug in your room instead, the material warmed from the sun shining through your window. The hands that hold you now are lifting you up, sturdy and protective—no claws. No claws..

“Sweetheart. Sweetheart, look at me.”

Your father’s eyes stare down at you, full of indescribable pain as his eyebrows furrow, creasing his forehead. Your mother is behind him, though her face is turned from you as her shoulders tremble.

Oh.

Your heart still pounds, blood swirling through your veins much too fast; fingers prickling at the tips, lips numb.

“I–I’m sorry.” A lump sits at the base of your throat, choking your next words. "I'm so sorry, I—I'm sorry, I don't know—"

“Don’t.” His voice is strained. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

He pulls you into his arms, cradling your head to his chest, where it shudders with a shaky breath. You close your eyes, trying to ignore the lingering panic trying to trick you—trying to convince you that you were still clawing at bars to escape your surely lethal fate. That you were still there, with all the stone and grime and—and blood. No, you were in Dad’s arms. He wouldn’t let that happen, would he?

What was it that Dr. McCoy told you?

“...it can be very disorienting when you get intense flashbacks. But when it feels like you can’t get out of that memory, I want you to use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. Do you know what that is?...”

You see… the color of your room’s walls. The pile of letters you’d received at the hospital lying on your bedside table. The sun glinting off the medal you won at the Athletic Fair. The fuzzy pink blanket from Nana, hanging off the side of your bed. Your mom coming to stand beside you, wiping her face as she joins your dad in embracing you. 

You can feel Dad’s arms. Mom’s. The light breeze through the cracked window brushing against your skin. The soft rug under your feet.

You can hear the cars, when they occasionally pass over the street below. Your parent’s synced, yet shaky breaths. Dad’s calming heartbeat against your ear.

You can smell your mother’s perfume. The lingering scent of the candle she’d burned somewhere in the house.

You can taste the leftover saltiness of the tears that had landed on your lips.

“We want to wait until it’s a good time to tell you,” your mom whispers, her fingers squeezing against your shoulder. “Because we don’t want you to hurt anymore. I’m sorry, baby. I know it’s hard, but please trust that we’re doing everything we can for your safety. Not just your physical safety, either, but your mental wellbeing, too.”

…You know.

Of course you do.

…They’re confused and scared too, aren’t they?

When they held you as a small child in their arms, did they ever think the sweet laughter and innocent twinkle in your eyes would slip from their fingertips in this way? They never imagined the baby they once rocked to sleep would grow up to be someone they didn’t recognize, someone broken and distant, trapped in a world of pain they couldn’t reach. You were gone, scared you’d never make it out—but they were scared too. They’re trying to cope as well, aren’t they?

People I trust (cont.):

My parents.

☆

You stare at the dark screen of your new phone, fidgeting with your hair and trying to recognize the face staring  back at you. With a held breath, you lift your chin, fingers brushing along the scar that swept across your neck. It was so straight and smooth, the indent lacking any evidence that whatever caused it was violent. Though, when the pad of your thumb trembles over the healed wound, it fills you with a sense of dread; like this is the defining line between the girl you once were and the unrecognizable one you were now.

“What are you thinking about, sweetheart?” Dad asks, interrupting the silence that had strung out over the car. You glance up at him through the rearview mirror as he mindlessly taps his fingers against the steering wheel. “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. You can still back out.”

“No, I do,” you murmur, turning to look out at the wealthy neighborhood around you.

You're only a minute from the Ro’meaves’ house, now. Your lips press together as you steady your breaths, the long driveway leading up to the tall brick colonial home—a familiar sight. Several cars already fill the driveway, and though you recognize them as belonging to the very people you had begged to see, the fact there are so many of them is daunting.

All of their eyes, their expectations—everything would be trained directly on you. Will they hesitate when they realize how much you’d changed? Will the month of separation feel more like a year? Will you still fit in their puzzle, now that your edges were jagged? Will they still try to make you belong, even if your image is awkward beside theirs?

Truthfully, you couldn’t tell if the tightness in your chest is excitement or anxiousness. The two could be interchangeable, after all. But as you wipe the sweat from your hands on the fabric of your clothes and the car comes to a stop, there’s nothing you want to do more than jump out and run inside.

Everyone seems to be inside, but then you notice a familiar boy jump up from where he'd been waiting on the front porch steps, his light brown hair bouncing as he sprints to your car. Before your parents even have a chance to get out themselves, PDH’s soccer captain himself is flinging open the car door, eyes wide and hopeful as he looks you over. 

“There she is!” He leans forward with a wide grin, arms spreading for a hug. From how his fingers are twitching, he looks like he wants to lunge on you without a question—yet he holds himself back, waiting for your reaction.

“Laurance!” you cheer through the surprise of his swift greeting, unbuckling your seatbelt and turning into him—a sign he takes in full stride as he pulls you into him.

He makes a happy noise as his arms squeeze around you and he pulls you out of the car, your feet leaving the ground when he spins around. You can practically feel the joy he radiates, the warmth of it seeping into your skin and rushing into your lungs, forcing an eruption of giggles from your mouth. The sound is… odd. Not because it wasn’t right, or it sounded weird, but because you forgot what it felt like to feel this giddy—to have someone be this elated to see you. How could you forget?

“Wasn’t everyone supposed to wait inside?” Mom chimes in lightheartedly as Laurance sets you down, tucking you under his shoulder.

“Well, yeah…” he chuckles sheepishly. “I made an excuse that I was taking a phone call so I could be the first one to see her.”

“Oh, how sweet,” she coos, eyes darting to meet yours slyly as she walks towards the front door.

Your dad hasn’t said anything, but as he passes you to follow Mom, he gives Laurance’s shoulder a rather intimidating clap, patting him a few times with a serious look before moving on. The boy smiles nervously in return, before guiding you both after them, squeezing your shoulder as you go.

“Are you doing okay?” you blurt. 

He smiles down at you, an amused huff leaving his lips.

“Today? I’m way more than okay,” he reaches up to poke your cheek. “Thanks to you.”

You take a deep breath, closing your eyes and basking in the moment, before you step up the stairs. The cheerful chirping of the birds, the smell of freshly mowed lawns, the distant sound of your friends laughing and talking in the house; you really were here. You were safe. And now you can actually imagine it: being… normal again. Soon enough you’ll be surrounded by their warm laughter, able to join in on all the inside jokes and cuddle up by everyone’s side. This is real. This isn't a distant dream—it isn't just a sliver of hope to cling to as you curl up on the dirty floor.

You see your parents walk in first, the muffled voices beyond the door loudening as they slip through, leaving you and Laurance alone for just a moment.

“I was there everyday when you were asleep, y’know? Well, except for the day when you actually woke up,” he says suddenly—you think that somehow, he'd sensed your need to prepare yourself. “I was pretty upset when I found out the cyclops got to see you before I did.”

You offer a quiet laugh. “Still refusing to let up on that nickname, huh?”

“Of course. The little twerp deserves it.”

Laurance guides you the last few stairs up, making the distance between you and nearly everyone you hold dear only a polished door away. You hold your breath, chest feeling tight again as he reaches out to close that distance, his hand clasping the metal.

Before he turns the knob though, he pauses, peeking at you from the corner of his eye.

“You look nervous,” he whispers, nudging you with his elbow, “and a little teary-eyed. You okay?”

“I just…” You take in another, shaky breath, licking your lips. “I’m so different now. And not just in how I act, but I also… look different.”

He smiles warmly, reaching up to pinch a lock of your hair between his fingers. “I don't know, you look as cute as ever to me—the pixie cut suits you. And you sure as hell seem like the same girl I’ve been getting to know for the past year.” He leans in closer. “I promise no one is going to think differently of you or act weird because of it. If they do, I’ll beat their ass for you. Understand?”

You try to roll out some of the tension in your shoulders, sending him a grateful look. “Thank you, Laurance.”

“No need to thank me.” He straightens, patting your head before finally letting you go from under his arm. “Ready?”

“...Yeah.”

The door pushes open, and Laurance takes the liberty to step forward first, holding the door open for you. The first thing that hits you is Dante's unfaltering, boisterous laughter, even as Nicole and a few other girls yell at him to your right—likely about whatever dumb joke he made. The next thing that hits you is the sophisticated scent of jasmine and amber that permeates throughout the house, thanks to Zianna’s investments in luxurious candles. The smell's welcoming, familiar, reminding you of a time in your childhood you can't quite remember.

You step forward, glancing over to the doorway to see Garroth leaning against it, arms crossed as he watches the group of rambunctious teenagers in his living room. Even as your hands shake and your breath trembles, you don’t hesitate to stride forward, placing a gentle hand on his arm as you step by his side. His head is quick to whip towards you, his amusement with the scene ahead of him replaced by a tender look in his eyes and a quiet, fond call of your name.

As he wraps his arm around your shoulder, you look ahead, feeling the corners of your lips curve up and the heavy pit in your chest lightening. Katelyn has Dante in a playful headlock, rubbing her knuckles into his skull as he thrashes and tries to escape. All of the girls—Lucinda, Teony, Nana, Nicole, Cadenza, and Aphmau—cheer her on, declaring her as their knight in shining armor and giggling at his pain as they lounge on the couch. Vylad and Travis were laughing along too, seeming to agree this punishment fit for whatever the mischievous boy had blubbered stupidly from his lips.

Travis was sitting on the floor, cackling with his hand over his mouth. He looks… a little different from what you remember, hair trimmed to flatter his face more and skin clearer. His eyes shift slowly to your direction when he sees you from the corner of his vision, the bright green somehow lighting up even more, his eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. His hand comes away from his mouth as he points directly at you with a wide smile.

Oh! His braces are gone. Did that happen before or after you saw him in the hospital…?

“She’s arrived!” he announces theatrically, pulling everyone’s attention to you.

At first you flinch, almost pierced by how they lean forward and stare at you with wide eyes. Even though alarm bells set off in your head, and the urge to turn and hide in some corner is powerful, so is the bittersweet tenderness and care you force yourself to see in each and every one of their faces. Shouts and cheers of your name replace the previous bickering.

They’re all on the list. You know them. You trust them.

It feels like a bright light has been shined against you—and not a spotlight highlighting your new flaws or your hesitations, but a beacon chasing  the heavy weight from your shoulders; permeating your soul, warm and loving. It's so real, so genuine, that the light burned away at your fears and replaced it with hope.

They love you.

Laurance—who was still behind you and Garroth—ruffles your hair with his hand before nudging you towards them. Your footsteps stumbling forward is what breaks the unspoken barrier, encouraging Nana to leap up from the couch and rush over to you. Everyone freezes when she practically jumps on top of you without a second thought, breaths held as you yelp from the sudden weight.

You lower your head onto her shoulder when she nuzzles her face into yours, raising your arms to hold her back. Her voice comes through cotton in your ears, the pleasant melody harmonized by everyone else's as they join in, arms overlapping and warm breaths mingling, heating up your cold skin; praise and greetings fizzling out into a peaceful embrace. This group hug is lasting much longer than usual, but you won't be the first to pull away.

“Sooo… are you gonna come back to school?” Dante suddenly cuts through; he's answered by a chorus of groans.

“Dude, can you not talk for, like, five seconds?” Nicole hisses.

You feel him shift to your right when he laughs defensively. “What? I’m just wondering!”

Nicole pauses her beration of him when you start to laugh, shoulders shaking. You missed this.

After the group's settled into a comfortable silence, you say, “Actually, I think I might,” earning a few shocked gasps.

“Wait, for real?” Nana squeals, jumping up in her excitement and nearly toppling everyone over into a huge doggy pile.

“Y-yeah,” you say through stuttered laughter, focus quickly shifting from the conversation to staying on your feet as the whole group shuffles around.

“Are we gonna keep talking like this or can we sit down and give her some space like normal people?” Cadenza interjects, grunting under her breath. You look up to see Laurance ruffle her hair, the boy laughing when she sends him a deadpan look.

“In what world have we ever been normal?” he snorts. “But she’s right. C’mon guys.”

Soon you find yourself settled on the couch, squished in between Teony and Lucinda while Aphmau and Travis cling to your legs. Everyone else is sitting on the coffee table or on the couch as they lean in, latching onto every word you say.

“When will you be back?” Teony continues the conversation, fingers gently rubbing circles into your back as she tilts her head. Everyone else nods along, intent on knowing the answer.

“Probably in a couple weeks, maybe two from now,” you murmur, biting the inside of your cheek. The attention was getting to be just a little overwhelming, so you shift it back to them. “...What’s school been like this year?”

Everyone glances at the other, trying to gauge who should go first.

“Well, volleyball season just started—we still haven’t had our first game yet, though.” Kate makes a point to make eye contact with you as she adds, “We still have an open spot on the team, by the way… just saying…”

“Can you not talk about that sport for one second?” Lucinda teases, reaching over to pinch Katelyn's side and dodging a slap to her shoulder with a giggle.

“I’m just suggesting it. In case she wants to find things to do when she comes back,” Kate huffs, looking back to you. “Even if you don’t want to play, being a manager could be fun, too.”

“Hey! I was gonna ask her to be our manager,” Laurance argues, crossing his arms and sending her a dirty look, earning himself a fierce glare in return.

“Nuh-uh, she’s definitely gonna be the baseball manager,” Garroth chimes in, his hand covering Laurance’s face and pointing at himself insistently. 

“Okay, you sports nerds.” Teony rolls her eyes. “She can decide that later. Why don’t we update her on other things?”

“How about the entire werewolf population in the school now looking to Aphmau as the Alpha,” Vylad says, waggling his brows and nudging the girl’s shoulder. Her cheeks warm, and she sighs under her breath.

“Oh yeah. That’s a whole thing I’m glad I’m on the outskirts of.” Katelyn leans back on her hands, shaking her head. “I don’t even wanna know about that Ein dude that keeps clinging to her everywhere she goes. Just seeing his face pisses me off.”

“...Who is Ein?” you start, not quite sure how to unpack this as you glance down at Aphmau. “What about Aaron?”

Her face drops and she wrings her hands. “...Um, he’s not going to school here anymore. His parents made him graduate early and go to a private college. That’s what he told me before he stopped talking to me, at least.”

You frown, recalling the conversation you’d overheard in the hospital—what the Lycans had said.

“…And just what are we supposed to do about this? We can’t send our son back to that school. What if he’s taken by those psychos, too? That girl is lucky she made it back in one piece!”

“Aaron won’t be staying anywhere near that high school or your kids.”

Derek, was his name? Was he really serious? Would he really do that to their son? Even force him to stop talking to Aphmau, who was basically his girlfriend?

You stay quiet for a moment, reaching to pat her head to soothe the saddened expression that had started to form on her face. “I’m sorry.”

It’s your fault, isn’t it?

“…It’s okay.” She shakes her head, smiling. “It’s a little stressful leading a bunch of kids, but it’s kind of fun! And it gives me more experience as a mentor, I guess.”

“Following in my footsteps,” Teony coos, placing a hand over her chest.

You glance over at Laurance, lips wobbling. “…Baby’s first leadership role?”

His face lights up in recognition; he snickers. “She’s growing up so fast…”

“What? Ugh, this again!” She kicks out her feet childishly, looking back up at you with reddened cheeks. “Anyways! About Ein!”

You raise your eyebrow in amusement at her not-so-subtle change in topics.

“Why do you wanna talk about Ein so bad? Interested?” Dante butts in before she can continue. She groans, taking her jacket from her lap and chucking it towards him—she misses by a good foot.

“Shut up!” she huffs. “No way!”

“You better not,” Katelyn says, tone protective. “That guy has a bad rep, probably for good reason.”

You frown, glancing back down at Aphmau.

“He’s actually really nice once you get to know him,” she’s quick to defend. “You guys shouldn’t believe all the rumors you hear about him…”

“Speaking of rumors, there’s already a few circling around. I've heard some about Laurance and Garroth having girlfriends.” Lucinda quirks a brow, looking the boys up and down with pursed lips. “Seems the fan clubs are only getting more intense this year, hm?”

The two boys make similar faces, lips curling in discomfort and eyebrows pinching.

“Uh, let’s not…” Laurance mutters, scratching the back of his neck.

“Ahem! Sorry to interrupt, kiddos, but I’d like to steal the sweet girl away for just a second!” Zianna announces from the doorway, waving at you with a smile. “Do you mind?”

“Oh, of course not…” You rise up, untangling yourself from limbs and stepping around everyone's pouting faces.

“Be right back, yo!” Zianna cheers to the teens, placing a hand on your back as she leads you towards the garage.

“Mom…” Vylad and Garroth sync their groans of embarrassment, earning an amused laugh from her before the two of you step through the door.

Parked inside is a new Toyota Highlander, the pretty grey-blue paint looking freshly polished and shining under the overhead light. Huh, Zianna must’ve wanted a new car. Her SUV must’ve been parked outside and you didn’t notice.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” She reaches into her pocket, turning to face you. “Are you happy to be here with everyone?”

What exactly did she call you in here for…?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m happy.” You rub your arm. “I’m happy to see you again, too, Zianna.”

She tilts her head, smiling softly. She seems emotional at your words, and you're suddenly reminded of how Garroth once described her as a delicate flower. You can definitely see it now, as her eyebrows turn up.

“There’s a reason I always call you 'sweetie',” she sighs, pulling something from her pocket and stretching it out towards you. “I wanted to give this back to you.”

The locket.

It glints in the garage lighting as her fingers tremble subtly, the surface slightly scratched. Despite this, though, it looks as freshly polished as the car next to you, like she'd made sure to take great care of it. When you close your eyes, the dark street of that night and the harsh slap that knocked you down and sent the locket flying replays for a split moment.

“It didn’t quite have the use I intended it to, but it’s yours. So if you want it, you can keep it…”

You breathe deeply, ignoring the shuddering of your lungs when you do so, open your eyes, and take the necklace into your hands.

“Thank you,” you murmur, glancing back up at her.

With her eyes a little more watery than before, she’s quick to turn her head, gesturing to the Toyota as she clears her throat. “How do you like this new car?”

When you turn to take in the vehicle again, you don't miss how she brings a hand up to swipe underneath her eyes.

“It’s really nice.” You nod. “It was the first thing I noticed when we walked in here.”

“Well, good,” she smiles, reaching in her other pocket and pulling out a set of keys. “Because there’s something else I want to give you.”

Your brow furrows when she holds her hand out again, dangling the set of keys in front of you to take. She tilts her head for you to take them, but you’re frozen, eyes wide and mouth agape.

“...What?” you breathe.

“After everything that happened, I was talking to your parents and they mentioned how you shouldn’t walk alone anywhere anymore,” she explains, shaking the keys gently. “And while my boys and I are perfectly fine with being your chauffeurs, Garte and I decided you should have a car of your own, in case a friend can’t be there.”

You close your mouth—it’s your turn to tear up now. “I… Zianna, I really can’t accept this. This is too much…”

“It’s not too much,” she insists. “I won’t give this car to my boys, so if you don’t take it, it will keep sitting in this garage until it doesn’t work anymore, so I’d suggest you do.”

There’s no words to even begin with as you take the keys, blinking rapidly and shaking your head. “I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything, dear.” She pulls you into a gentle hug, petting your head in a motherly display. “Just guaranteeing your safety is enough  for me.”

You hug her back, sniffling as you stare at the car. Sure, you might be able to accept a few flowers and teddy bears, but this? The Ro’meaves may not be running out of money anytime soon, but this is still an insane gift for someone that wasn’t even their own kid.

“Also,” she continues, “I won’t pressure you to join in if you don't want to, but I’m making my boys take some self defense classes, and I think it would be great if you attended as well.” She sways a little, rocking you with her before letting go. “I believe Aphmau, Travis, and Katelyn are going to do it as well. You don’t have to answer now, but it’s something to consider.”

“I will,” you murmur, too overwhelmed to consider it at the moment—even if it was a good idea.

“Oh, and one last thing before I let you go, sweetheart,” she says, quickly dashing over to the passenger side of the… of your car, reaching in and pulling out a small bag. She giggles when she turns around and catches your wide-eyed expression. “I promise it’s nothing big.”

You press your lips together, accepting the bag quietly and looking inside. Inside are two things: pepper spray and a…

“A taser?”

“Stun gun. Thirty-thousand volts!” she chirps, much too cheerful for someone who'd just casually gifted you two highly pain-inducing weapons.

“Uh… Thank—thank you.”

“Again, sweetie, not anything big.” She waves her hand dismissively, taking the bag from you and placing it back in the car. She gestures back to the door, smiling. “I shouldn’t keep you for any longer. Your friends are waiting for you!”

You nod slowly, following her back out. As soon as you enter, everyone is quick to pull you back right into the center of the group, the conversation flowing once again about the silly, mundane things of teenage life. As the minutes ticked into hours, not once did you find yourself bored, the calming voices almost surreal to listen to as you sink into the couch cushions.

How easy was it, to take all of this for granted? A few weeks ago, you were sure moments like these were distant dreams, ones you’d never get to experience again. Such simple moments; the way Lucinda overdramatized her stories, or how Katelyn and Nicole would lean close to threaten someone playfully. How Vylad smiled wide at anyone he made eye contact with as he looked around the group, or how Nana would squeal anytime anything cute or romantic came up. How Aphmau giggled at every corny joke. When Cadenza dramatically sighed or tossed her hair. How Laurance always made sure someone got their word in when they were interrupted, and how horrible Garroth is at controlling his expressions when someone is telling a story. 

There’s a quiet understanding in your chest. You'd thought the edges of your puzzle piece were too jagged, but they aren’t. You slid right back into place. Even if the paint was a little chipped, a little smudged, you fit. Despite everything, you're still you. Everything is falling back into rhythm.

You almost died at seventeen. But you didn’t. This is reality now. You’re alive, and real. Being safe is real. Being protected is real. Being surrounded by the people you love—that's real. This is… normal. What you’ve always wanted since the beginning.

You could be normal again.

…Right?

©starhvney 2024. do not plagiarize, feed to any AI, or repost my works to any sites.

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[lemoncrushh]

Carrot Cake

Summary: Harry has something he's been wanting to ask Y/N, but the timing is never right.

Warnings: None, just fluffy fluff

Word Count: 1695

A/N: Another shortie from 2017. Written in third person but the fc's name has been changed to Y/N.

It had been on Harry's mind for quite some time. He loved her. He wanted to be with her. She was over at his place all the time anyway. She already had a key. It only made sense.

He'd tried to say something yesterday morning after Y/N had taken her shower and was getting dressed.

"Come sit with me," he beckoned, patting the bed beside him.

"Sorry love," she said as she pulled her blouse over her head. "I have to get to work early this morning."

"So no time for breakfast? You have to eat."

Stepping into her pumps, she leaned over and kissed him.

"I'll grab something on the way," she murmured against his lips. "Have a good day."

Frowning, he watched her cross the room to the door.

"What about tonight? Are we still on for dinner?"

"Of course," Y/N nodded. "Bye, Harry."

With a sigh, he grabbed a fistful of sheets, listening for the sound of the front door closing. He reckoned he might have to get her attention some other way.

"Harry!" Y/N exclaimed when she saw him step off the lift that afternoon. "What are you doing here?"

With a shy grin, Harry lifted the bags of food in his hands.

"Since you couldn't have breakfast with me, I brought lunch."

"That's...so sweet."

Y/N eyed her supervisor who gave her a nod, then she gestured toward the hallway that led to the break room. Following her in, Harry set the bags on the table and began to empty them.

"Ooh, you got me my favorite salad!" exclaimed Y/N.

"I did," grinned Harry with a wiggle of his brows.

"Did you get extra salad dressing?"

"Of course."

Lifting the container of the poppyseed honey mustard dressing Y/N liked, Harry beamed at her like a child with a good report card.

"I love you!" squealed Y/N as she gave Harry a kiss on the cheek before she sat down.

"I love you, too. And I have something else."

Y/N's eyes widened like saucers as Harry pulled the last item out of the second bag.

"Carrot cake!" she cheered.

"That's only if you finish your salad," Harry teased.

"Yes, sir."

The two began to eat their lunch as Harry contemplated how to bring up the subject. Finally, he decided to just wing it.

"So, I've been thinking..."

"Hmm?" Y/N sounded as she chewed. "'Bout what?"

"Well...um...you know how you have a few of your things at my place..."

Y/N paused her fork in mid air as she glared at Harry.

"Is it too much?"

"Y/N?" a voice called from the hallway.

"No," Harry shook his head.

"I can take some of it home, if it's in the way."

"No, baby, that's not what-"

"Y/N!" the voice rang again.

"I'm in the break room!" she replied back.

A face peeked around the corner, a young lad that worked in Y/N's department.

"Ah, there you are. Melinda needs you."

"Now? I'm having lunch."

"Just for a minute."

With a heavy sigh, Y/N rose from her chair.

"Be right back," she mumbled to Harry who nodded.

By the time she returned, Harry was already halfway through his salad.

"Sorry. What were we talking about?" she asked as she took her seat again.

"Um..."

"Oh yes! My things at your place. I suppose I thought..." Y/N shook her head. "Never mind what I thought. I'll get them out of your way."

"No, love, that's not what I was getting at."

"It's not?"

With a nervous chuckle, Harry dug his fork into his salad.

"I like your things there."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry nodded. "In fact, I'd love it if-"

"Y/N!"

"Oh for heaven's sake!" she shouted. "What now?"

"Y/N," called Regina who stood in the doorway. "We need you again. Hi, Harry."

Harry hesitantly waved his hand at the girl he vaguely remembered meeting once before.

"Seriously? It can't wait? I'm having a lovely lunch with my boyfriend. Or at least I'm trying to."

"It'll just take a minute."

"That's what they said last time," groaned Y/N. When she reached the doorway, she turned back to Harry. "I probably won't get to the cake. Can you take it home?"

"Sure."

This time she was gone longer. Harry had thrown away his trash, bagged up the slice of cake and sat back in his chair. He was beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea.

"Sorry, baby," Y/N mouthed when she returned. "I have to get back to this project."

"No worries," he shrugged.

"I feel awful. This was such a sweet gesture."

"Don't worry about it," Harry said, walking around the table to give her a kiss. "We still have dinner tonight."

"Oh...yeah...about that..."

Harry's shoulders dropped, already knowing how the sentence ended. "You have to work."

"Yeah. Probably. Maybe. I'm not sure how late."

"It's okay," Harry said with a sigh. "We can do it some other time."

"I'm really sorry."

"Baby..." he placed his hands on her cheeks, "I said it's fine."

"I can still come over later.

"And stay...the night?"

"...maybe."

With tight lips, Harry nodded, dropping his hands to his sides.

"I'll put your cake in the fridge," he said as he grabbed the bag.

"Okay. Thanks."

"Bye, love," he whispered low as he gave her a soft kiss goodbye.

It was late. He checked the clock on the microwave. Okay, so it was only 9:00. It wasn't that late. It just had felt as though the minutes had ticked by achingly slowly because he'd really wanted to talk to her.

Walking to the refrigerator, Harry opened it to reveal its contents, though he had no clue what he was in the mood for. His gaze met the clamshell box that held the uneaten carrot cake that he'd planned on sharing with Y/N. It sounded good, but he wasn't sure if he was in the mood for something sweet. Then he spotted the two remaining bottles of beer, the last two from the six pack that he and Y/N had shared the previous weekend during a Netflix marathon. They'd planned to finish them off but had ended up in his bed earlier than expected.

Slamming the door shut, Harry leant against it, crossing his arms and checking his watch.

She wasn't coming, was she? And even if she did, it would be so late and she'd be so tired and not want to talk or do anything else but sleep.

Opening the fridge again, Harry took the cake out and grabbed a fork from the drawer before taking a seat at the table. As soon as the cream cheese frosting met his tongue, he closed his eyes. He'd just swallowed his first bite when he heard the front door unlock.

"Harry?"

"In the kitchen!"

"Oh my god, what a day!"

He heard the clunk of something hitting the floor and a clink of keys being dropped on the table in the entryway.

"I swear, Melinda would have us spending the night there if she could. I seriously think she has no life outside of work."

Y/N turned the corner just as Harry shoved his second bit of carrot cake in his mouth.

"Hey! I was gonna eat that!"

Harry stopped mid-bite and glared at her. "Wha-?"

"That piece of cake. I was saving it."

"Sorry," Harry swallowed, pushing the container towards Y/N. "Here. I only ate two bites."

"No," she sighed, waving her hand. "Eat it. I don't need it anyway."

"Share?" Harry raised a brow. "I bought it for both of us anyway."

Slowly, Y/N's lips turned up into a smile and she opened a kitchen drawer to get a fork. Then she pulled back a chair to sit down next to Harry.

"Mmmm!" she sounded, licking the frosting from her lips. "Wow, that's good."

"I know," Harry grinned, taking another bite for himself.

He watched Y/N as she chewed, the look of bliss on her features.

"I'm glad I didn't try to eat this at lunch," she declared. "I wouldn't have enjoyed it like this."

"Let's move in together."

Y/N stopped mid lick, her tongue still on her fork where she was trying to remove the frosting.

"Huh?"

"Let's move in together," Harry repeated, a little more emphatically.

Dropping her fork on the table, she glared at him.

"Harry...you...I work crazy hours. You'd never see me."

"I'd see you more than I do, because you'd be living here."

"But...are you serious?"

Harry nodded, reaching for her hand.

"It makes sense. You're here a lot anyway. And your things are here..."

Y/N sat back, her lips turning up into a smile. "This is what that was about today. At lunch."

Harry grinned. "Yeah. Only I kept getting interrupted."

Taking a deep, slightly shaky breath, Y/N let it out slowly as she threaded her fingers through Harry's.

"You had me frightened for a minute, you know. I thought you were trying to break up with me."

Harry shook his head. "Never."

Biting her lip, Y/N let out a nervous giggle.

"I'm a horrible housekeeper," she admitted. "I drop my bag wherever I feel like it. And I leave the cap open on the shampoo."

Harry shrugged. "I sometimes forget to share and eat all your cake."

As Y/N laughed harder, Harry pulled her into his lap.

"Move in with me," he said. "Please."

"Can I have a day or two to think about it?"

"No."

Y/N poked him in the ribs which made him wrap his arms around her tighter.

"I love you, Y/N," he declared.

"I love you, too."

"Let's give this a try, yeah?"

Sucking in her lips, Y/N nodded. Harry placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"No pressure," he teased.

"You're just asking for a tickle fight, aren't you?"

"Jesus, no. Not on our first night as a...whatever kinda couple you call us."

Y/N beamed as she ran her fingertip across his dimple on his left cheek.

"Good point. I have a better idea to christen the occasion."

Harry raised a brow. "Oh?"

"Yep." Y/N reached behind her and grabbed the clamshell box. "Let's finish this cake."

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[wakasaz]

DILF

♡Pairing: Wakasa Imaushi x Afab!reader

♡Summary: Wakasa can't keep his hands off his new babysitter.

♡Based on this

♡WC: 4.6k

♡TW: 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, pet names, oral, fingering, pregnancy, absent parent, gang leader Wakasa, Club owner Wakasa. Use of yn but only a few times. I think that's everything but I probably forgot something.

♡A/N: All characters are 21+, not proofread, I love single Father wakasa so much I had to make a whole fic for it.

"Get out. Just get out." Wakasa says to the fifth person he has interviewed today. He didn't think finding someone to care for his daughter while he is out would be this hard. Truth is he didn't even want to find anyone to watch her, but Benkei talked him into it. What was so wrong with taking her to "work" with him. He didn't take her anywhere dangerous, and he made sure whoever was around her could be trusted. His men knew that they needed to keep her safe. Of course, though he listened to Benkei. He was tired of hearing the taller male complain about how dangerous it was. As if Wakasa would allow anyone to hurt her. No one crossed him and if they did, they knew they signed their death certificate. 

Letting out a sigh as he turns his back to the girl and pinches the bridge of his nose he walks to get himself a drink. "Please, just go" He says again. He can hear sniffling. He made her cry but he didn't care. The girl was an idiot. No way in hell was she going to even be in the same room as his daughter. Everyone he has interviewed so far has been an idiot. He hasn't found one person he sees capable of caring for the most important girl in his life. He's been interviewing people for days and he swears they get worse and worse each time. 

Wakasa never wanted to be a father. He didn't think he would be good at it. He knew fighting and fucking. He didn't know how to be soft. He couldn't be soft. He was the white leopard, feared all around Japan. Of course all of that changed the moment he laid eyes on what he could only describe as the most beautiful and precise baby he has ever seen. No, Wakasa didn't want to be a father, but he took the role seriously and over time he wondered how he lived his whole life without this girl in it. 

On top of not wanting to be a parent he also didn't want to be a single parent. But he was thrown into that all too quickly. The woman he got pregnant was just a casual hook up. They fucked a few times but he was fucking other women as well. Wakasa didn't even know she was pregnant. She stopped returning his calls a few weeks after the last time he fucked her and that was it. He honestly forgot about her until he got a phone call in the middle of the night with her screaming at him to come to the hospital. He wasn't going to go but Benkei once again talked him into doing something he didn't want to do. Now he doesn't know how to thank Benkei enough for making him go. 

He didn't believe the child was his when she first told him. That was until he saw her. She was a spitting image of him as a baby. He couldn't deny she was his. Wakasa swears that's the first time he ever felt love. He loved her more than anything and would do anything for her. That's how he ended up being talked into finding a nanny and now he wants to strangle Benkei. 

Taking a sip from his glass he groans. He hears the door slam shut. "Only three more people today," He reminds himself. He checks his watch. The next person should be here any minute. That's when he hears a knock at the door. Answering it he is met with a young girl standing in his doorway. The other girls being interviewed were younger than him but this one has to be the youngest. College age maybe? Definitely doesn't look any older than twenty or twenty one. She clears her throat. "Hello sir, I'm (y/n), are you Mr. Imaushi? I'm here for an interview." Wakasa feels his cock twitch when the word sir leaves your lips. He's been called sir before but the way it sounds with your sweet voice is doing things to him. 

Wakasa coughs trying to cover up a groan. "Come in" He says As he leads you into his living room. He sits and points to the chair across from him. He started asking you questions. Where you’re from, Why you want to be a nanny, any training. With every question you answered perfectly. At least he thought it was perfect. He wasn’t really listening to everything you said. He was just watching you. He thought you were pretty but Wakasa is around a lot of pretty women so he isn’t sure why it’s bothering him so much that he thinks you’re pretty. 

“What about you?” you ask as you fiddle with your fingers. “Huh?” he asked, looking at you with slightly wider eyes. You clear your throat. “Oh, um, You asked what I do for work besides babysitting since I said I haven’t babysat since high school. I was just asking what you do sir.” Wakasa feels his cock twitch again. He’s not sure why hearing you call him sir is having this effect. “Oh. I own a club and work in trade.” You nod “That’s cool. So you’re a businessman.” you quietly laugh. “I guess you could call me that,” he says, smirking in your direction. “What club do you own, maybe I know it” you ask, smiling at the older man across from you. He doubts you know it. From the short time knowing you he doesn’t think you are the type to frequent his type of establishment. “It’s called Hydra” He says as he starts to roll his sleeves up his arm. “I doubt you’ve-” “ That’s the one across from that ramen restaurant right? I’ve been there a few times with friends” Wakasa tilts his head. You’ve been to his club? You don’t seem the type. Not to mention you didn’t act like you recognised him. Almost everyone who goes to his club knows who he is. 

Wakasa lets out a hum. “I didn’t expect that.” He smirks again “I didn’t realize you were the owner. I thought it was the guy with a scar down his face.” his smirk drops. Of course you would think it was Takeomi. He hits on almost every piece of ass that walks into the place, and he likes to act like it's his club to those who by some grace of god don’t know Waskasa. Why is he friends with that moocher again? “Takeomi likes to pretend it’s his club. I can’t kick the guy out because we’re friends” You giggle. “He tried to get me to sleep with him. Don’t get me wrong I like older guys but he just isn’t my type” Wakasas smirk returns. “You like older guys huh?” You roll her eyes as you cover your face with your hands. “Can we continue with the interview please?” Wakasa chuckles as he starts asking questions related to the job again. 

By the end of the interview Wakasa was sold. You were perfect. He also caught his daughter a few times peeking from the steps listening in on what was going on. This was the first time she came down from her room the whole time he was interviewing anyone.  Offering you the job was a no brainer. He did have to tell himself your looks didn’t play a part in this. It was strictly that you were the best applying. 

“Can you start tomorrow evening?” He asked as he was walking you to the door. You stop and turn around looking at him wide eyed. “Wait really?” he nods. You let out a squeak and wrap your arms around him hugging the older man. “Yes!” Once you realized what you did you quickly let go taking a step back and putting your arms behind your back and looking down. “Sorry” you whispered. “Can I get your number? I’ll call you later this evening to tell you all the details” You nod and part ways after putting it into his phone. While walking down the street you pull out your phone and call the person who got you the interview in the first place. “Senju, Why didn’t you tell me he was so hot?!”

Wakasa told you to show up at five so he could give you a tour of the place and introduce you to his daughter before he had to leave. You are currently standing in front of Waksasa’s door trying to get the courage to knock. You weren’t scared yesterday because Senju didn’t tell you the man she said needed a sitter was hot. Senju also gagged when you told her Wakasa was hot yesterday. You pull at the bottom of your skirt trying to make it a little longer. Taking a deep breath you knock and no more than five seconds pass before the door is opened and Wakasa is standing before you in black pants and a white button up shirt, the first three buttons undone and his sleeves rolled up. He has a little girl on his hip who looks no older than four or five. She looks like him. She even has the same bored eyes as him. He moves out of the way to let you in. 

(Y/n), this is Rini, my daughter. Rini this is (Y/N), the woman I told you that was going to look after you while daddy has work”  Rini buries her face on Wakasas shoulder. “She’s normally not shy” “It’s fine. Rini, I'm sure you and I are going to be great friends.” You say smiling at the toddler. She picks her head up and looks at you then smiles softly while nodding her head. After introducing you two and getting Rini a little more comfortable Wakasa walks around the huge penthouse showing you around. “And this is Rini’s room. She needs to be in bed no later than eight. She has a connecting bathroom.” He says pointing to the door in the room. “And my room” He says, turning and pointing to a door on the end of the hall. “Is there. I doubt you need anything from there but if Rini won’t sleep in her bed you can put her in mine.” 

Walking to the kitchen Wakasa finishes showing you where everything is. “I left money on the counter so you can order dinner for the two of you.” He puts Rini down and she clings to his leg not wanting him to leave. He walks to the door taking Rini with him. “That should be everything but if you need anything or have any questions just give me a call.” You nod and smile at him. He bends down and removes the young girl from his leg while he crouches down in front of her. “Be good for (Y/N), okay my little bunny” the blonde hair girl nods her head while opening her arms for a hug. “Daddy loves you. I’ll see you in the morning.” Wakasa says kissing the top of Rini’s head. Wakasa walks over to you. “Don’t let anything happen to her. I’m serious about calling me if there are any issues. I can be here in ten minutes.” nodding your head and promising the older male you will take great care of his daughter he leaves you guys alone. 

You bend down slightly, putting your hands on your knees. “Okay Rini, what do you want to do?”  “I want my daddy!” she yells while pouting. “I want your daddy too” You say under your breath. “How about I order us some dinner and we can turn on the tv and watch a movie?” you ask the purple eyed girl. She nods her head then runs to sit on the couch. 

While watching the little mermaid you hear a knock on the door. Rini is sitting with her blanket and a stuffed bunny not moving her eyes from the tv. You go get the money Wakasa left you and open the door. The delivery man gives you the food and you walk back in. Going to the kitchen you made Rini a plate and take it out to the living room for her to eat. Wakasa never said she couldn’t eat there and seeing how he is with her, you know she has him wrapped around her finger. Rini eats her food and before long she is asleep on your lap. You pick her up and carry her to her room and tuck her in. You go back down to the living and start playing on your phone waiting till Wakasa gets home. He told you, you could stay the night because he wouldn’t be back till the early morning hours. 

While scrolling on your phone Senju texts you asking how it's going. You tell everything you and Rini did. You talk to Senju for a few hours before falling asleep on the couch.

Over the next several weeks you and Rini have gotten closer. Wakasa and you have even gotten a little closer. He has you coming around a few hours before he has to leave saying Rini wants to see you. Everytime when you arrive at the Imaushis house you are greeted with Rini running over to you screaming your name and giving you a hug. Wakasa has told you before that all she talks about is how much she likes you and wishes you could be around more. You started to notice things about Wakasa over the time working for him. More than just his looks. He can be really sweet when he wants to be, and he is very protective of his daughter. You’ve also seen the protectiveness extend to you as well. You told him about a bad date you went on and how the guy hasn’t left you alone since and was starting to freak you out. You haven’t heard from the guy since. You know it was Wakasa. You also learned about his real job. How he helps run a gang. You made Senju tell you after the bad date guy disappeared. She didn’t want you to be scared you would quit. But you feel safe around Wakasa and also have. He has never made you uncomfortable. 

You also noticed over the weeks of working for the older male the feelings you get around him. Everything he does turns you on. At first you thought it was just because it's been awhile since you’ve slept with anyone but when he brought home a blonde girl with big tits you realized how jealous you were so you went to find someone to fuck the frustration out on thinking he could cure the want for your boss but the very next day when you saw him you felt that familiar heat. You started coming around in tighter clothes. Clothes that show off your tits and ass more. It’s nothing inappropriate. You wouldn’t show up here while Rini is here with anything on that might scar her for life. 

Wakasa has noticed the change in clothing. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. He loves the short skirts that just barely miss showing your ass when you bend down or the shirts that your tits almost pop out of when you cross your arms. Wakasa also noticed how you are with his daughter. It’s almost motherly how you act towards her. He can imagine you being her mom. He has on several nights while he fucked his fist. He knows the blonde girl he brought home pissed you off. He did it to piss you off. He wanted to know if his feelings were reciprocated. He didn’t fuck her. He just let you think he did. Don’t get him wrong though. He went out of his way to find women who looked similar to you to fuck because he thought he could get it out of his system. But he wants you. He wants you even when he is fucking some other girl. If Rini didn’t like you as much as she, does he would have fucked you by now, but he doesn’t want to possibly make the only mother figure she has ever had run away. If he wants to fuck you, he needs to do this the right way. He has to make sure you never leave him and Rini. He wouldn’t be able to stand seeing his little girl's heart broken. Rini has mentioned wanting to be a big sister recently and she’s also told Wakasa she wishes you were her mom.

Wakasa called and asked you to come over tonight. You thought it was weird since Rini is staying at a friend's house tonight. You told Senju and she joked that he is just trying to fuck you. You didn’t tell her how excited it made you to think about or that you'd like him. Getting ready you decide on a tight little black dress and heels. Once at Wakasa’s you knock on the door and wait for him. A moment passes before he opens the door. He is wearing all black as well. His shirt has several buttons undone and his sleeves are rolled up showing off his tattoos. He has all his hair pulled back showing off his earring. He moves out of the way to allow you to enter. Once walking in you notice he has all the lights off but has candles light everywhere and that the stove is on. “You’re cooking” you say and he nods, walking to the kitchen before coming back with two drinks and handing you one. You smile at him. 

After he finished cooking you two sat at the table. “You wear that to everyone fathers house you babysit for or am I just special?” You can feel your face warm. “I only babysit for you” he smirks at you as he leans over the table and gives you a kiss. It starts off sweet but he soon grabs the back of your head and deepens the kiss as he tilts your head. He is gripping your hair and pulling on it every once in a while. He swipes his tongue over your lips asking for entrance when you deny he harshly tugs on your hair causing you to yelp. 

Wakasa pulls away and walks over to you grabbing your hand as he walks you backwards to his bedroom. His lips find yours once again on the way. Your hands are around his neck. He starts to slide the straps of your dress down your arm as his hands roam your body, squeezing any flesh he can get his hands on. Wakasa sucks in a shaky breath when your dress hits the floor and sees you didn’t wear anything underneath. He smirks before biting his lip and pushing you down on his bed. He slowly starts to unbutton his shirt. He���s going slow on purpose. He can see the lush in your eyes. You whine at how long it is taking him to undress. Smirking he says “impatient are we?” His shirt finally hits the floor and he starts crawling on the bed over you, kissing up your body the whole way. When he reaches your lips he slowly kisses you as his hands slide across your body. Squeezing and tugging anywhere he can as he pulls pants and moans from you. He pulls away and slowly kissing down your body while his hands find your legs and slowly part them. 

When he reaches your thighs he is kissing, licking, and biting as his hand squeezes the other one. When he finally reaches your heat he drags his tongue up your slit as he groans and his eyes roll at the taste. He swears you’re the sweetest thing to ever grace his tongue. He could become addicted to your taste. He licks and sucks, making a mess of your cunt as he is rutting  his hips against the mattress. He can feel his cock leaking but is trying to ignore it. He is drunk on the taste of you. He continues to eat you like a man starved. He nips and sucks as you cum all over his tongue screaming his name and pulling at his hair. He doesn’t stop. He nips and sucks as he adds a finger, overstimulating you. He smiles against your cunt as your legs shake around his head and he sees your back arching off the bed as you push your perfect tits up giving him the best view. 

You’ve lost count of how many times he’s made you cum. He’s on his third finger now. You’ve at least finished once for each finger plus just his tongue, your panting. You feel dizzy. You swear you're going to pass out when he says “One more baby girl” as his fingers rub against that sport that makes you see stars. Your toes curl as you grip the sheets. Words are leaving your mouth but they don’t make sense. You’re just screaming his name and the words yes, and please. You don’t know what you’re begging for. For him to stop or to keep going. Everything is wet. The air is hot and you're trying to catch your breath. You feel him remove his fingers but soon feel something much larger pushing into you.

Wakasa groans, his eyes crossing as he feels your tight wet walls squeezing him. He knew you would be tight just from using his fingers but he didn’t think it would be tight. He stills for a moment trying not to cum before he starts a brutal pace. He tried to wait for you to adjust and give him the go ahead but he couldn’t. He can’t control himself around you. It’s your fault really. 

He wraps his hand around your throat and squeezes your hip as he increases the speed. All that can be heart is the sound of skin slapping skin, your moans and pants, and his sweet sweet praises. “Look at you baby, taking me so well. Your pussy was made for me baby. Was made to be fucked by me and only me.” He slams into you again while squeezing your throat. “Say it. Say how your pussy was made for my cock” “m-made for your c-cock” You stutter out as you grab his wrist and wrap your legs around him pulling him closer. “Damn right it is” He grunts out gritting his teeth as he starts to feel your walls tighten around him. “Best fucking pussy I’ve ever had” He says as he has you cumming for the nth time tonight. 

He looks down at you feeling nothing but love. He swears he fell in love at this moment. Your moans and pants are his favorite song. A song he hopes you grant him the privilege of listening to everyday. He wasn’t lying when he said you had the best pussy and it was made for him. He truly believes it. He watches you as he continues to fuck into you chasing his own high. He would have cummed by now but he wanted you to finish as many times as you could first so he could hear your pretty sounds. As he looks at you he thinks you’ve never looked prettier. Out of all the times he has seen you this is his favorit look on you by far, a fucked out dazed moaning and babbling  incoherent words all because of him. “Such a good girl. My good girl” he says as he shoves his fingers in your mouth for you to suck on. Moaning around them you don’t think you can take much more. 

Wakasa feels his balls tighten and begs to cum inside. “You’re so good with Rini. You’d be an amazing mother. Let me make you a real one. Please, (Y/N) let me make you a mommy.” He’s pleading with you. He has to make sure you stay around after fucking him and you aren’t going to run away. He wants to give Rini a baby brother or sister. He starts thinking about you all around and plump with his child. He groans he isn’t going to last. He thinks his heart stopped when you nod your head “Please Waka. make me a mommy. Fill me up” His eyes cross and he lets out a moan as he slams his lips into yours and fills you. It's warm and messy and he’s never been happier. He stays in you for several more minutes as he kisses you and plays with your hair. 

When he pulls out, he uses his finger to push anything leaking out. “Don’t waste it. Good girls don’t waste what daddy gifted them” he says as he starts to fuck you with his fingers. He is just making sure everything stays in. You start moaning again as his eyes meet yours. He grabs your hips and flips you over onto your stomach. He slaps your ass. “Ass up” he says as he pushes your head down. As soon as you're in position he is slamming into you again. You’re screaming into the pillow, and he slams into you over and over. “You can take it. I know you can” His name leaves your lips over and over. His finger finds you bundle of nerves as he starts to pinch and rub pulling another organism out of you. It isn’t long before he is filling you up again and again for the rest of the night. He needed to make sure it stuck. 

Ever since that night Wakasa has fucked you everytime you babysit. He leaves work early just to come home and take you on the counter or table. You don’t complain. He pays you good and fucks you good. He currently has you on the table lay as he eats you like your the first meal he has had in weeks. You're moaning and pulling his hair as he groans into you. “Give me another” He mumbles after you cum for the nth time. “C-can’t” you cry as you push him away. “Know you can baby.” he says as he sits up and pulls you onto his lap. “Ride baby” He undoes his pants and lines himself up. You lower yourself down and start bouncing. He pulls your shirt down to show off your perky tits and his mouth latches onto them. He  notices they're bigger and just smiles against you as he sucks. He feels his sock twicthing as your walls tighten. He fills you again just like he has been doing everyday for the past three weeks. 

Wakasa is over the moon when you come running into his house a few weeks later telling him you’re late. He takes you to get a test and you take it at his place. Passing back and forth as you wait. Rini has been asking everyday when she is going to be a big sister and when you will be her mommy. He plans on making her mommy. He just has to make sure the big sister part comes true first. He’s the first to run into the bathroom when the timer on his phone goes off. He comes running out of the bathroom and grabs you giving you a kiss and thank you over and over again for making him a daddy again. He swears he will never look at other women again. You’re everything he wants 

You guys decide to tell Rini a few weeks later. She is playing with her bunny in her room when you guys walk in with a gift for her. She opens it to see a smaller baby stuffed bunny. Looking at you confused, Wasaka says “You can give it to your baby brother or sister after they are born” She screams jumping up and hugging her dad and you as she yells thank you over and over again. Once she calms down she sits in front of you and looks at you both seriously. 

“So does this mean (N/N) is my new mommy now?”

[hayleythesugarbowl]

If you want to, could you somehow do something like Ian Hecox x daughter reader that is just fluff ?

Daddy Ian || Ian Hecox & daughter!reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ masterlist • smosh masterlist  ⋆˚｡⋆୨୧⋆

summary: ian introduces his daughter to the smosh cast

word count: 829

warnings: none

a/n: i absolutely can! dad!ian is so important to me 🥹 this is just pure fluff and smosh cast being smosh cast. i imagine the reader to be in high school just bc of like timing and stuff. enjoy 💌

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     “Hooligans, my daughter. Daughter, hooligans.”

     Your dad gestured between you and the group of people standing in front of you. You waved at them.

     “Hey, I’m (Y/n), it’s nice to meet all of you,” you said politely. 

     Your dad had finally decided to give you a tour of the Smosh studios where he did his job and you had been more than eager to meet his coworkers and see how things worked. 

     “(Y/n), this is Damien, Angela, Chanse, Arasha, and Tommy,” Ian told you, pointing at everyone. “Oh, and that’s Trevor I guess.”

     The guy who must’ve been Trevor threw up his arms in surrender. You giggled. 

     “So, you’re the famous (Y/n) Hecox that Ian never shuts up about,” Tommy said. 

     “My dad’s told me so many things about all of you,” you said. “Which one of you jumped over a car?”

     “Oh I like her,” Chanse said, turning to Ian. “You’ve taught her well.”

     “Well I had to,” your dad spoke to you, throwing an arm around your shoulder playfully. “Since she doesn’t watch our videos.”

     “Don’t feel bad, I don’t either,” Angela said conspiratorially out of the side of her mouth.

     “Dad, I watched that one, remember?” You said. 

     “Beef ‘n Go doesn’t count,” Ian corrected. 

     “What’s Beef ‘n Go?” Arasha asked. 

     “Tell you later,” Damien answered her. 

     “It’s so cool seeing where you guys film,” you said, looking around. “I’ve never been in a real studio before.”

     “Hear that? She thinks I’m cool,” Ian mock whispered to his friends.

     “Ok, that’s not what I said,” you corrected.

     “Well that’s how I heard it.” Ian shrugged.

     “Your hearing’s also probably not what it used to be, am I right?” Trevor said, the mischievous grin on his face melting as Ian raised an eyebrow at him. “I-I mean, you’re in your prime, Ian. Sir. Boss.”

     “Suck up,” Tommy coughed into her shoulder, earning a laugh from Damien and Arasha.

     “Suck up? Title of yo—” Angela started. 

     “Angela,” Chanse chided, glancing at you, stopping her from saying whatever she was about to say. 

     “Yeah dude, not in front of my daughter,” Ian said to Angela. 

     It was fun, seeing your dad and his friends all talk and banter like this. You had only known them outside of Ian’s stories for a few minutes but you could already tell how close they all were. You could see why Ian loved his job so much. 

     “And, hey, getting sucked up to is just one of the perks of being the president of the company,” Ian crossed his arms, taking on a cocky look. “I’m kind of a big deal.”

     “Is he always this annoying at work?” You asked them. 

     “(Y/n),” Ian scolded, as his coworkers laughed. “I could ground you for that.”

     The room was silent a moment, everyone sharing glances of disbelief.

     “Yeah that didn’t sound right to me either,” Ian finally broke the silence. “I’m too cool of a dad for that.”

     “Again with this?” You groaned.

     “It’s an undeniable fact. Oh—I should tell them about the time I danced to Baby Got Back at your birthday party,” Ian elbowed you.

     “I still have nightmares about it,” you shivered dramatically.

     “Hey! Your old man’s still got some moves.”

     Ian demonstrated this by dancing awkwardly as you rolled your eyes at him. He eventually stopped, clutching his side, muttering about pulling something. 

      You covered your mouth to hide your laughter. Ian put his hands on his hips.

     “Ok, do you want me to give you the tour or not?” Ian asked. “Because I’ll take you home if—”

     “Yes, yes I definitely do,” you said, making your face serious now.

     “Let’s go,” Ian said, leading you away from the rest of the group. “First stop: my office. I wanna show you how big my desk is. Did I tell you that I run this whole company? ”

     “This is why no one sits with him at lunch,” you heard Arasha tell the others as you walked away. 

     You waved at them, saying goodbye as Ian lead you deeper into the building. 

     “They all seem really nice,” you said when you and your dad were out of earshot.

     “Yeah, wait until you work with them for years,” Ian joked, putting on an exaggerated British accent. “They’re terrible, really. Absolutely dreadful.”

     “Ok, Simon Cowell,” you teased. “I can tell you love them.”

     “Not as much as I love my daughter,” Ian said, placing a hand around your shoulder.

     “Love you too dad,” you responded.

     “No need to sound too enthusiastic,” Ian clutched his chest in mock offense. 

     “Too enthusiastic. Ways to describe your Sir Mix A Lot choreography.”

     “Anthony said I could throw it back!” Ian protested. 

     You giggled. “Uncle Anthony’s your best friend so he has to say that. But I can be honest.”

    Ian shook his head at you lovingly, ruffling your hair. “Oh yeah? And why’s that?”

     You beamed up at him. 

     “Because I’m your daughter.”

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ˋ°•*⁀➷ hope u liked this love! more fics coming out soon xx

[berryz-writes]

You are divine

Azriel x reader

Summary: You haven't seen Azriel for ages after a mission has kept him busy and you decide to wait for his return. Will you finally reveal your feelings or is it just not the right time?

idk what this is or where the idea came from but hope u enjoy xx ofc it's not checked either so pretend there are no mistakes

I lounged on the sofa, my book next to me but not actually reading it. It's not that I didn't like it, I actually found the romance in the book once of the best things I had read in a while but I couldn't settle down to enjoy it.

I was waiting for Azriel to come back from a mission he had been on for two weeks now. I had recently figured out the slight ache I felt whenever I remembered him was because I missed him and not because I had some sort of heart disease. Although I don't exactly know why seen as though our conversations consisted of "Good mornings'" "Good nights" and small smiles here and there.

"What are you doing?" Nesta asked, as she swept into the living room ,a cup of tea in her hand. I could smell the slight hint of lemon and honey and it was not a smell I particularly enjoyed. She sat down on the armchair opposite me as if she was going to start interviewing me. She probably was.

I sat up slightly and showed her the book I was reading. "I'm reading. Why?" She was definitely up to something.

She took a sip of her tea before continuing "I didn't know you could read without actually looking inside the book. Do you just absorb the words?" Her sarcasm was there but so was her teasing. I stuck my tongue out at her and put the book to the side. There was no point lying anymore.

"I'm waiting for Azriel. I haven't seen him in a while" I tried to keep my expression neutral like I was waiting for a friend and not because I may like him.

Nesta it seemed found something funny as a smirk made it's way onto her face "Waiting for Azriel? Do you miss him?"

If I replied no, she would ask why I was waiting and if I said yes I would never hear the end of her teasing. So I decided to take the safer route "Don't we all miss him when he leaves? It's been two weeks now"

Putting her cup of tea down she sighed "I suppose. Although it's getting late now. You can always see him in the morning."

She knew exactly what she was doing. Her plan to trap me in her questioning had worked because she was smiling now and I didn't know what to say. I narrowed my eyes at her "Isn't it your bed time?"

I asked, redirecting the conversation even though we both knew by now why I was waiting for him.

She shrugged slightly but stood up "It is. Sweet dreams" The house vanished the cup for her as she stood up and made her way to the door before looking back "You know, I don't think I've ever met anyone as oblivious as you or Azriel. It's excruciating to watch"

So she knew. Well I suppose it was pretty obvious how I always wanted to spend time with Azriel and how I was always waiting for him to return from missions. But I don't know why she called Azriel oblivious. It was probably the fact that he never noticed how much I liked him.

I crossed my arms in defiance to her words "I don't know what your talking about" I was never about to admit I liked someone and they didn't like me back. My pride wouldn't let me.

"Hmm. Okay." She left and it was silent once again. It was dark outside, the fae lights of Velaris could be seen twinkling in the distance as the people went from bar to bar, partying the night away. It was getting late, she was right. Maybe I should wait for a few more minutes? Just in case. I watched the balcony, waiting for him to land but I never saw it because soon my eyes became heavier and harder to keep open. The constant sound of the clock in the room added to the sleepiness I was feeling as if it was ticking away the time until I fell asleep.

I decided to rest my eyes for a while. Just so I could be awake for when Azriel would arrive. Resting my eyes turned into me falling asleep on the sofa and missing the whole point of my I was sat there in the first place.

I was woken up by someone whispering my name in the dark. I pushed the voice away and turned my face away trying to get to sleep again, not bothering to open my eyes to see who it was.

"Aren't you uncomfortable on the sofa?" It was Azriel. He repeated my name again and this time I finally woke up. I rubbed my eyes to see in the mostly dark room and saw hazel eyes full of warmth looking down at me. His wings were folded in and he was still in his Illyrian armour. There wasn't a speck of blood on him as if he had changed just before coming home. He shouldn't have had to take a detour just so he looked presentable coming home. He should have felt comfortable enough to come home and clean up instead of probably going to a shabby hotel in which he must have used the cramped bathrooms not big enough for wings. I hoped it wasn't me that made him so cautious around his own home.

He looked gorgeous as ever, even though he looked tired as hell too. I shook my head and sat up, stretching so I could hear the satisfactory crack from my back.

"I'm fine. How long have you been back for?" I asked, slightly annoyed at myself for having waited for so long and not even seen him come in. Azriel sat down next to me and even from the small distance between us I could feel his heat. I was glad he was back. The dull pain in my heart had receded now and I pushed back the desire to hug him. His shadows weren't as lively or moving about as they usually were as if they were tired too, just resting on his shoulders instead.

"A few minutes. What are you doing on the sofa?" He asked, looking at me like I was doing something odd. Well, I suppose I was but what was I supposed to say? The truth?

"I was reading and I fell asleep." The lie came easily off my tongue. It was helpful in situations where telling the truth would result in a painful death but sometimes lying was just easier than telling the truth. For fear of what the other person would say or how they would react. I'd rather not embarrass myself like that.

Azriel merely nodded his head, looking down at the wooden floorboards and not saying anything. The clock seemed louder now as if it were waiting for our conversation to start again.

"How was your mission?" I asked, looking at his reaction. His wings twitched slightly but otherwise his expression remained the same.

"Shit" He replied after clearing his throat. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Why was it shit? The reports Rhys was getting all proved of the successful discoveries Azriel had made and not once was it mentioned something had failed.

"Why was it shit? I thought you found out everything you needed to? Did something happen? Were your spies found? Did you get hurt?" With every question it seemed Azriel's jaw clenched even more than before, leaving him to look slightly angry at this point. I scanned him for any injuries but physically he seemed fine. Well, more like fucking gorgeous and hot as hell but that wasn't the point.

"It was shit because I was away from home for two weeks. I am capable of missing people you know. I don't always want to be out on missions"

I paused at his words. He was right. I had dismissed it, just because he was good at his job, didn't mean he always wanted to do it or that he didn't miss people when he left. The air around us had thickened into something awkward and I hated the slight feeling of guilt growing in me. It was unusual for Azriel to open up like this but I was glad he wasn't answering in one word answers and actually wanted my company. Even if it was him slightly snapping at me.

After some deliberating I decided to tell the truth. I could always pretend we were just friends and I wasn't harbouring feelings for him "I missed you while you were gone. You went for ages, almost two weeks. It would have been exactly fourteen days if you arrived tomorrow" I informed him. I don't know why I said that but I did and now he was looking at me and his piercing gaze made me feel like I had been caught doing something I shouldn't have.

"You missed me?" He asked, sounding like he was holding his breath and waiting for my next words.

I nodded slowly "Of course I did" I don't know what he was expecting but he let out a sigh and looked down again. Was my answer not what he wanted to hear?

"You should get some sleep now...on your bed and not the sofa" Azriel interrupted my thoughts and stood up, his wings flaring slightly before folding again. What if I touched his wings? What would happen? I knew perfectly well what would happen so I banished the thought from my mind and stood up.

"You should sleep too. You must be tired" I said, covering a yawn with my hand. Really, this welcome wasn't what it was supposed to be. Although I don't really know what it was supposed to be. I was acting like I would hug and kiss him and tell him how I'd missed him but instead we'd had a conversation for two minutes and decided to call it a night. Not the most amazing thing in the world.

He nodded his head "I will. Once I have a shower and try to wash away the death on my hands" He said it so casually as if the death made no difference to him. Even if it was something he did quiet often how used to death could a person really get? You couldn't become immune to it. His shadows had gathered near his hands and his neck as if they were comforting him or hiding him from my stare.

"The death on your hands is part of your job. Not who you are" I replied quietly. I hoped he knew that.

"You always know what to say don't you? I suppose that's why everyone says you have a silver tongue" His lips had turned up in a small smile and his shadows had receded slightly. I smiled back, glad he wasn't taking my words as offensive and instead found humour in them.

I shrugged slightly and before I knew what I was saying I had let my thoughts spill out "This tongue can do other things, y'know" I clapped a hand over my mouth, my eyes widening in horror. I was stupid. So fucking stupid.

Azriel had paused. His eyes widened slightly, signalling his surprise at my words but other than that he looked like a statue. Nothing moved. Until I heard a slight chuckle escape from his perfect lips and then an actual laugh that made my heart ache and feel bright with happiness at the same time. Ache because I hadn't heard such a beautiful sound in ages and happiness because it was me making him laugh. It was so infectious that I lowered my hands and smiled at his reaction.

"Who knew you could flirt? I wouldn't mind if you showed me what other things you could do"

Now it was my turn to stand in shock as Azriel's laughter came to an abrupt halt and he eyed me warily.

"I didn't mean that" He added quietly, all of the lightness around us gone.

I tilted my head slightly "I meant what I said though" I waited for what he would say. I had finally let it out. The fact that I wanted him and I didn't feel any better. I didn't feel lighter or as if I had hope within me. Instead nerves gathered in my stomach waiting for his rejection.

Azriel moved closer to me, his boots silent on the floorboard until there was an inch of space between us and if I wanted to, I could reach up and brush a stray curl away from his forehead.

"If I were to kiss you right now what would you do? Would you run? Push me away in disgust? " His questions were said one after another, his voice soft and his eyes locked onto mine. I had to strain my ears to make out the exact words he was saying but they went straight to my heart. As if I would ever have disgust and Azriel in the same sentence.

I swallowed. It was now or never. I wrapped my arms around his neck and moved closer until we were a hairs width apart. I waited for him to push me away but instead he watched me with intrigue and full intensity. I tilted my face up so our lips touched slightly, a jolt of electricity running through my entire body. His hands immediately came to rest on my hips, tugging my closer until I was pressed up against him and his lips were on mine and were were kissing and it felt like I was in heaven, and I never wanted it to end.

"This is what I would do" I murmured. His eyes were closed as he breathed in deeply before opening them again "You are divine" He whispered to me, before leaning in and kissing me as if his life depended on it.

MASTERLIST