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thisuserislilsilly · 1 month ago

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Summary: Before the Emperor took Angron away from Nuceria, there was one that loved him, trusted him, attempted to avenge him

Honestly I wanted to do this as a thanks to @druidwolf21 for writing for my boy Angron

Pairing: male original character x Angron

Genre: Action/angst/ fluff

TW: Hella blood, some fluff, gore, angst, just....just sad Angron

Goblin tag squad: @cardinalcanis @finchly-tintinnabulation @artemisareia @echo-of-damnation

@meervalv0 @jaghatai-khock @druidwolf21

Brothers and sisters

"My brothers and sisters...I swore I'd stand with them. We would die together" - Angron, "Betrayer" by Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Ferron clenched his teeth as the crude medical equipment plunged into his side and ripped the spear tip out of his body, instantly applying some cloth to the wound and pressure as to avoid more bleeding. He felt dizzy, the last battle had almost costed him a hand and half of his spine, but the gladiator was still standing and that was all of what he cared about. Those last few weeks had been the most liberating days of his entire life and, too, the most painful and stressful moments the man had ever lived. Since their escape from the gladiator's pits there was no safe place in the entirety of Nuceria for their group. Each and every day the High Raiders charged against their position one more of them died, one more gained a serious injury or bled out in the cold arid sands of their planet. But they were free at last, they were not forced to fight each other or hear those bastards insults and winning because the blood spilled by the gladiators didn't entertain them any longer; there was always a hideous idea to spice things up, one more derogatory rule to apply into the fights to make them exciting for the onlookers but painful and dreadful for any of those that eventually had to bleed and die for their amusement. Not anymore, no longer they fought for nothing; this time, this fights were for themselves, those deaths were chosen by them and that resistance was solely made by them. There were no masters to take that agency away from them.

Still, for all the freedom they had it did not magically made any of their wounds disappear, it did not guaranteed their plans of liberation would even succeed; but both their leader Angron and his brothers and sisters knew it would make a difference, this whole thing would wound the lords of Nuceria, perhaps not for long, but it would for some time. Angron, oh how much torture his friend had endured; Ferron had been with that giant for as long as he had served a death sentence for the crime of killing his previous owner after almost beating him to death. Angron had been there on his first fight, congratulating Ferron as much as he could with the Butcher's Nails biting the giant's head for showing an ounce of compassion. How much did Ferron loved that man was too much for simple words to express it.

The rest of the gladiators weren't too bad as well, Asti for as much as he didn't sit still on the heat of battle or in the camp itself was a joy to talk with and have a laugh, Jochura had just recently taught Ferron how to make his first weapon out of the bones and armor of a fallen High Rider, Larbedon and his speeches...they all had something beyond the bloodshed, beyond what the galaxy had doomed them all to do. If that was not worth fighting for, then nothing could ever be.

"Alone with your thoughts again, poet?" Hermina entered the little space Ferron had called his own with a grin "Just to numb the pain; I didn't want the other's lecturing me again about being more careful" Ferron rolled his eyes, moving the bandage a little to see if there was still some bleeding "Need help with that?" She pointed to the cloth "No, go away I'll be fine" He waved his hand "Suit yourself" Hermina replied, shrugging and approaching somebody else

Ferron smirked softly, liking the fact he didn't had to argue with her about doing things on his own; he was too old already for that, no gladiator wanted to go through that shame unless they were at the very brink of death. But they had each other's backs, that was for sure; there were nobody else to lean on after all. Ferron trail of thoughts went back to Angron, searching him around with his tired eyes; finding him at the very edge, sitting in a rock and polishing his twin axes that had been with him since the pits. Raising however he could, Ferron made his way to the giant's side and sat down next to him, the man acknowledged Ferron presence and gave him a little nod which the other responded doing the same gesture.

They stood there, in silence, for a while; the sun hid in the sky and the moon was already rising when Angron opened his broken lips to mutter something, between a grumble and a whisper.

"They will come at first light tomorrow" "It would be the most logical thing for them to do, yes" Ferron leaned his head to the side "We will die" Angron hissed as the Nails bit into his head after registering such a thought "With honor Angron, we will not let them have us so easily" Ferron got a bit closer to the giant, his voluminous physique made Ferron look like a child in comparison "Yes, I will have a thousand Kin-guard heads by the time they take me down! I will let their screams echo through the entire valley for generations to come! I, and all of us, will stand until their weapons break before us!" Angron opened his eyes widely, spitting and drooling saliva as his speech raised above a whisper and became a shout to the skies, which whoever was still awake answered with battle cries "That's the spirit! You don't have to worry about anything, we already know it is going to end! If there is something to be afraid of is to fall with no deaths credited to your name!" Angron laughed soundly, his rough and dried voice were stronger and louder than a thunder but it was contagious, Ferron soon joined his friend, slapping his knee and wiping a tear that was rolling down his cheek. They kept on talking of the day ahead, where they would be in the gorge, betting the direction the High Riders would come from and already imagining what their final death count would be. It was a bittersweet moment, knowing how doomed were they yet welcoming that incoming death with open arms, willing to perish instead of letting the slavers capture them and throwing their bodies to the pits once again. No, nevermore would one of those gladiators return to be a slave after all what they had been through, after all of what they had burned in their path and what they had left behind. So they talked, laughed, invited others to the conversation and soon a small group formed around a small campfire, drinking away their last reserves of amasec and food;; smashing the bottles against the floor and then having a small friendly brawl to lower their energies to a reasonable level so they could rest.

As everyone went back to their little corners, Ferron sighed loudly, he had been mentally preparing himself for what he was going to tell Angron, but the man had been avoiding the topic all bloody day out of fear; ironic, Ferron feared more the conversation than dying or any other cruel fate. Before Angron returned to his tent Ferron finally went for it, touching the giant's hand to make him notice the gladiator.

"Yes Ferron? Whatever you need to say friend speak fast, I want to go to bed already" The giant arcade an eyebrow "Is there someone in your heart Angron? Someone special?" Ferron clenched his teeth, mentally punishing himself for being so upfront "Well...all of you! You all are very dear to my heart Ferron, I thought that had been clear the moment I swore to die together!" "No...no...not like that, like...uh...like a very special person; you know, like someone you want to spend all your time with" Ferron shook his head, feeling his heart beating fast "I....don't get it, I spend my time with all of you alrea-" Angron scratched the back of his head, hissing because of the pain "Love Angron, I'm talking if you fucking love someone!" Ferron impatiently raised his voice, then looked to the side blushing "I can't...feel that...the Nails had made sure I will never feel what you all call love...again" Angron sighed, showing his teeth in a sad grimace "And if you could...who would it be?" "I can't, that is-" "Just imagine Angron for fuck sake! Imagine you could feel like that again, who does your heart sing for?" Ferron closed the distance between them, having to look up because of the size difference "From all? Hmrrrhsdsffsfjsk" Angron mumbled something incomprehensible between his teeth "I guess who I am always most excited for fighting with is you, Ferron" "I...I....I feel the same way! Hah I...I can't believe it I am actually saying it....! I love you as well!" Ferron raised his hands to his head, laughing and shaking Angron as he rambled "Oh I have been wanting to say that for days on end but did not know how to pronounce it...!"

"We were free. It was our death. The death we earned, the death we wanted"

The clash was brutal, bodies flew from each side, wailing in pain and drowning in their own blood; the gladiators kept a tight formation just like they had practiced and mastered in each and every encounter, but the "dogs" of Desh'ea had renewed their spirits, used their vehicles to circle around the slaves frontlines and attack their rear, breaking their formation and leaving every last survivor to fend for themselves. Ferron screamed and laughed, butchering any foe he saw with his axe, leaving it in the chest of a Rider and then going for a hammer left in the battlefield by a fallen sister. He swung it above his head, letting the weight crash against armor with force and all the might that he could muster; he spent hours fending off his enemies, bathing in their blood, listening to their dying screams like a musician hears his final composition before retiring from the stages forever. In the midst of it all he saw Angron, making way with his axes, painting the sand with gore and sweat, a giant standing above a growing pile of corpses in all of his glory, a painting come to life. Then there was a flash, a beam of light that engulfed Angron and only Angron, it was foreign, it did not appear like any other weapon from the enemy, this was new, but it wasn't hurting the man in any physical way, instead Angron screamed not out of pain, but fear, anger, sadness; Ferron felt the giant was about to cry. "No....! NO!!!!! DON'T TAKE ME!!!! THIS IS MY BATTLE!!!! MY DEATH!!!! I STAY HERE WITH THEM!!!! DON'T-!" Angron shouted as he stretched a hand out to Ferron, looking in the gladiator's direction "Angron!!!!!" Ferron shouted back at the giant, tearing and cutting down anyone who was in his way, reaching for the hand of the man he loved

Then the beam faded and with it, Angron. Not even a silhouette or a stain of blood in the ground that could tell what destiny had fell upon the giant; just silence, pure nothingness. Ferron felt his heart shattering in a million pieces, he fell to his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks mixing with the blood on his body. Someone stabbed him from behind, the gladiator roared and replied with a blow of his own sending the attacker flying. His rage turned against his slavers, screaming, fighting, spitting, crying...but it was all in vain. A sword pierced his chest, a spear thrusted itself to his leg and a thousand arrows finished the man in an instant. His body wobbled a couple of times to fall once and for all in that gorge, countless others died just like him that day, too few gladiators were actually captured and brought back to the High Riders pits; but the one thing each and every dying men and woman heard that day, the last sound to pass through their ears and get to their brains were the cries of mockery coming from their slavers; all laughing while shouting "Angron Thalk'r left you all to die!"

#fanfiction #warhammer fanfic #warhammer 40000 #warhammer headcanon #warhammer 40k #fanfic writing #wh40k oc #my writing #angron #tw angst #tw blood #primarch x oc

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pyropsychiccollector · 2 months ago

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Shuichi Harem: Saihara Detective Agency, 2/5

Previous post. I'll do my best to link these together for those who want to see them all. We've got a lot to get through~

Also? Because I'm linking the posts, I'll be doing a lot less review of the general history of the encompassing AU. I wound up repeating myself a lot in the Fate harem posts a while back, and I'm going to cut back on that problem as much as possible. (人◕ω◕) I will reference non-canon events sometimes, and it'll be up to you readers to either roll with it or go back and read the previous post. I've connected V3 with the rest of the Hope's Peak saga and revolutionized the "fiction" bits to fit a more grounded narrative that doesn't seek to toss everything (everything) in Danganronpa out with the bathwater. This is my choice, so happy reading. All haters that don't have legit criticisms will be muted. (人◕ω◕)

The Beginning

Maki Harukawa... Here's what you need to know. In this AU, her past is near identical to canon. She had a friend at the orphanage she wanted to protect, so Maki joined a cult - or rather, their mercenary corps - to keep them from recruiting her friend who seemed to have a lot more innate potential for the craft. Maki still did a ton of work as an assassin as a child, and her friend still died while she was away from the orphanage. Consequentially, Maki closed herself off from others and committed to assassin work full-time to numb the pain of her loss.

Eventually, she made a big enough blip on Hope's Peak's radar. More specifically, the Steering Committee caught wind of her ruthlessness and efficiency, and felt it was worth studying her and offered her shelter from the cult that controlled her life. Maki wasn't an idiot, she knew that she was exchanging a much smaller fish for a freaking killer whale when it came to the cult vs the Steering Committee of Hope's Peak, yet she was still sore about her friend's death and the pointlessness of going along with the cult...

So Maki jumped ship and let the Steering Committee bury the cult with their nigh well unlimited resources. She wasn't fool enough to think they were on her side, to assume that they didn't have means of reining her in or erasing her should she step out of line. But she did have a lot more freedom than before, and they funneled a ton of new, more high profile work her way. For her, it was just the next stage of evolution of her screwed up life. She never had true choices, demented adults dictated what she was to do and Maki carried out her duties whether she liked it or not.

Her cover story, if Kizakura or the Headmaster or anyone was truly pushy about knowing what she did for a living, Maki (as well as her public file) was to tell them she was the Ultimate Child Caregiver, and not the Ultimate Assassin. Her talent worked along similar lines as the Ultimate Imposter in that she wasn't supposed to advertise what she was; if she was truly the best assassin, Maki could get by with a lame-ass cover story that probably no one believed. (人◕ω◕) Maki just channeled her experiences from the orphanage to come up with stories of her 'raising kids', and that seemed to satisfy most people that asked.

Although to be fair, she never spent much time at Hope's Peak, as Class 79 was only there a few precious months before the Tragedy unfolded and they were whisked away by a separate Mastermind. While at Hope's Peak, Maki kept to herself and stonewalled her classmates. Work was more preferable, even if all the constant killing numbed her to the bone and gave her plenty of nightmares. (人◕ω◕)

This isn't to say Maki never associated with her classmates. She just didn't truly bond with them. Not in these few months. The ones she talked to the most were the nosy Kaede and Kaito... and she kept an eye on their resident luckster, who appeared to have a history of working in a private detective's firm. His Uncle's. Though Shuichi seemed to swear off detective work... up until that pianist ninny dragged one of their senpai over, and eventually got Shuichi to tagalong as a poor excuse of a sidekick. (人◕ω◕) Yeah, Maki didn't have a high opinion of Shuichi with how wishy-washy he was. And Shuichi didn't know what to make of Maki, with how closed off she was.

Their beginnings were not rosy. But it's just the hand they were dealt~ Maki is an assassin. Shuichi a wannabe detective. They were destined to be at odds, at least at first. (人◕ω◕)

... Oh, and just so we're perfectly clear? Yes, Kokichi approached Maki Roll during these first few months. He was the worst to deal with because it's like he figured out her 'game' from Day 1. (人◕ω◕) And despite knowing what she did, Kokichi just kept pushing her buttons. The fact the gremlin gravitated to Shuichi as a "bestie" only made Maki avoid Shuichi more, back at Hope's Peak. She came close to pounding the grape gremlin more than a few times... But she always held herself back because one of the Steering Committee's rules was to not touch fellow Ultimate students; they needed them in mint condition for research purposes. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)

The Hazy Middle

Suffice to say, when it rains, it pours. (人◕ω◕) Class 79 was kidnapped during the Tragedy, and they were presumed dead as their bodies were never found. The truth is much more disturbing: They were whisked away to a remote location for a different sort of... research. But not one of them was aware they were under a theoretical microscope. What they did know is that they were trapped in a "Killing Game", and to escape they needed to kill a classmate and fool everyone else. A game Maki might've played if she didn't have experience dealing with shady entities and knowing they couldn't be trusted for shit. (人◕ω◕)

... But as obstinate as she was in the beginning, keeping to herself and refusing to get attached, eventually the Mastermind(s) found ways to push her buttons. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) The first round Maki avoided becoming a "killer", but in subsequent loops...? You better believe she was pressured just like everyone else.

Yes, they were trapped in a Killing Game "loop". Their memories always wiped (repressed) or adjusted so they only retained certain ones. Sometimes false memories were even manufactured so they could be used later; Class 79 were put through theater/TV productions to make them believe the memories they were acting out (unknowingly) were real. So seeing a "city" in ruins, they believed it to be Tokyo. Rifling through those ruins for supplies and shelter. And so on and so forth. (人◕ω◕) Each loop was unique, and sometimes they were given false names and talents to see what would happen. Maki was generally kept an assassin in the shadows, waiting to strike when she was pushed too far.

But like the Hope's Peak and Jabberwock Killing Games, life is never so simple. Even in these scripted loops. (人◕ω◕) Maki was never a thorough, dyed-in-the-wool blackheart. She never pretended to be an idealist or a sap like Kaito or Kaede. However, deep down she possessed some scruples. Maki was more of a gray character. An antihero if it came down to it. When she didn't succumb to motives or manipulations, Maki was dragged into bonding with Kaito, and subsequently Kaede and Shuichi who were joined at the hip with the idiot.

They weren't always all alive each loop. Whether the "survivors" took down the "Mastermind" or not, it was more normal for one or two of them to die by the end of each loop. Still, regardless of which varied combination, these three became Maki's anchors to morality and humanity. Kaito appeared to be her favorite for several loops… And even up to the most recent loop, Kaito seems to know from instincts how to reach out to her; it takes persistence and showing her your heart. (人◕ω◕) Maki might still treat you like a nuisance, might begrudge you every inch of your effort, but eventually you'll wear her down if you squint. She's not the most open person. Maki doesn't like mushy crap (at least she won't ADMIT anything).

… But as special as Kaito was, after a while Maki began avoiding him on instinct. Not out of spite or hatred of him, but deep down her subconscious remembered losing him more than once, and she rightly or wrongly came to associate those miserable feelings with "I'm cursed because of my past and bloodied hands, I can't risk Kaito dying because of me." These loops have made all of Class 79 a hot mess, and they keep acting on impulses and instincts they don't understand at all because their memories keep getting repressed each loop. (人◕ω◕) It makes the study of Class 79… fascinating~

So what happens? Well, we get a case of Maki stuck at a crossroads. Sometimes the darkness consumes her because she isolates herself so completely. Other times she "remembers" she has friends (unconsciously) and she becomes a risky yet dependable ally if the chips fall just right. (人◕ω◕) And who do we have to thank for Maki's…growth? Surprisingly it's not the sappy sacks, Kaede and Kaito. Those two don't give up, and they did wonders in getting her to open up… But Maki is NOT a ball of sunshine. As nice as it can be to indulge in their "never say die" attitudes sometimes, you know it's not good to stare into the sun too long, right? (人◕ω◕)

This…is where Shuichi comes in. He's as much a "prisoner" as she is with those blowhards, even if it's annoying to deal with his lack of self-esteem. (人◕ω◕) Shuichi is more grounded… And despite becoming an artificial "Ultimately Detective" throughout the loops, he really sucks at doubting others in the beginning. It leads Maki to watch out for him and teach him that some people just aren't worth believing in. She's a heavy pessimist, and thinks the two of them will inevitably be at odds because of her real identity. Yet she's proven wrong time and again as Shuichi puts in the effort to reach out to her even after she's exposed as an assassin throughout the loops. They keep having this conversation where Maki argues assassins exist in part because of detectives, and Shuichi keeps arguing back he'll work towards a world where Maki can live the way she wants to. Where assassins won't be "needed". (人◕ω◕) Maki has no reason to believe he'll pull it off. He sounds as idealistic as the space idiot… Yet some part of her deep down WANTS to see what this shoddy excuse of a detective manages to do. It's irrational. But she can be perfectly candid and transparent with Shuichi and not get bombarded with cheesy hugs or empty reassurances that everything will be okay. Shuichi is trying to end these Killing Games and find the Mastermind, and sure he's not the most awe-inspiring guy that ever existed. But it means a lot that he listens and tries playing devil's advocate. He does get caught up in Kaede and Kaito's optimism, but Shuichi isn't a total suckup that just goes along with all their whims. He does try being the detective they all sorely need. (人◕ω◕)

… Now, Kokichi gravitating to Shuichi all the damn time… It gets on Maki's nerves and she despises the troll. She can't figure the little shit out, and a large part of that is his friendship with Shuichi is GENUINE despite how much he messes around. (人◕ω◕) Maki doubles down on watching out for Shuichi because of that turd.

Romance between them is slow, and doesn't happen often. It usually takes specific conditions, like Kaede or Kaito dying. But it's not just a consoling type of relationship, they've been building up to this whether they knew it or not. Maki isn't overly sappy or shameless like those other hussies, but she does get…jealous. (人◕ω◕) She's affectionate with Shuichi in her own unique way, and she appreciates the reciprocation even if his confidence could use a damn overhaul. Has several girls hanging off him, and he thinks he has nothing to offer? For a detective he sure misses the small stuff. (人◕ω◕) Like that it shouldn't matter what HE thinks of himself. That's not how attraction works. If he WAS vain or self-absorbed, Maki would probably throttle him and not talk with him nearly as much. (人◕ω◕) If he could just have SOME self-love, that'd tie it all up with a nice little bow. But oh well, fixing that stuff is on Kaede or Tenko. Maki's here to temper his detective work and salvage her own soul somewhat. Don't you judge her. (人◕ω◕)

The Ending... or a new Beginning...?

Eventually the loops will end. Class 79 survivors will enter a period of collective comas because their minds can only handle so much. (人◕ω◕) But the comas won't be forever. And their repressed memories will return to them over the coming months and years. It's gonna take a lot of counseling and rehab to come to grips with the past five years.

Maki…is left not knowing what to do. For the first time in her life, a blank canvas of her future lies before her, and she doesn't have the first idea what to commit to paper. The cult is gone. The Steering Committee is gone. The whole underworld is in chaos and getting reshaped to fit the new post-apocalyptic world. If she goes back to assassin work, she's basically continuing Ultimate Despair's agenda, and that's a whole new level of darkness she isn't completely sure she wants any part in. (人◕ω◕) For better or worse, she missed out on the Tragedy because she was trapped with her class. She knows criminal elements will continue existing. But now she's being given an out - a completely blank slate. If she chooses to go back to what she's always known, that's suddenly on her. No messed up adults forcing her to obey them. (人◕ω◕)

… So Maki drifts to Shuichi's humble new agency he opens up. Shuichi would benefit from someone that's had experience on the other side of the fence of the law, and has her ear to the pavement on sheer instinct, listening to the underworld rumblings. Despite Kirumi being cagey about Maki showing up out of the blue, Shuichi trusts her. Maki's the second one to show up and offer to lend a hand… Well, maybe third, if you counted Kokichi…? But regardless, Maki's experience and knowledge is invaluable to his mission of creating a better world, one step at a time. (人◕ω◕) Maki still thinks he's shooting for the moon, he's still several steps behind criminal elements. That's just how it is for detectives.

Yet working with Shuichi isn't a strain, isn't like a boulder tied around her neck. It's her choice and she's making something of her life. Finally. (人◕ω◕)

Kaede, Miu, and Tenko are exhausting to deal with, but the biggest headache for Maki is Kirumi who makes her jump through so many hoops to just be around Shuichi. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕) And if anything, the distrust is mutual because Maki remembers some loops where Kirumi became a "killer", too… Of course Kirumi is quick to point out SHE has never killed anyone for real. Maki HAS. (人◕ω◕) Not that that's a comfort to Maki after the maid tried covering up her crimes in the loops… She's not paragon of virtue and justice either. (人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)(人◕ω◕)

But such is life~… Whether they like it or not, these five all love Shuichi, and Shuichi loves them all. If you think it's spicy while they're all dating Shuichi, just want until marriage. … And parenthood. (人◕ω◕)/

Previous post: https://www.tumblr.com/pyropsychiccollector/743632006552993792/shuichi-harem-saihara-detective-agency-15?source=share

#Danganronpa #Shuichi Saihara #Maki Harukawa #Shuichi x Maki #Shukawa #Shuichi harem

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venusofrapture · 4 months ago

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hc + a word: hc +parents 👀?

⊹ ˚ . ♡ ┆・Send me hc + a word & I’ll write a headcanon relating to that word!

Jasmine Jolene thinks about her parents a lot during her time in Rapture, particularly her mother. Despite the strain her childhood left on her (growing up in poverty, her father's anger, her mother's neglect in certain areas), she does ultimately love the people who raised her. Missing them didn't happen immediately after she left home, as for a long time she was thriving on her own freedom and agency over her life. NYC was a burst of joy she had long been waiting for. In moments, when things slowed down, the longing would come like a pervading grief, and this feeling would only grow as she got older. She would wonder how they were doing, if they missed her, how her siblings were, what was going to become of them, if she were disowned, if they cried over her at night like she would sometimes. Her mother had been the only one to defend her against her father as she was growing up, and Jasmine realized this as she got older, feeling an certain pain for leaving her mother behind without a word.

To be asked about her parents or family will always earn a lie. Jasmine Jolene does not openly talk about her past before New York, deeply ashamed and carrying an unhealed wound around her childhood and adolescence. There was and never would be closure for her. She once tried to write a letter to her mother, knowing it could never reach its destination from the bottom of the sea, but, through many tears, she wrote out what she wished she could say, what she wished she could've done. It had been hard leaving as she had, all on her own, hardly any money, relying on the merciful kindness of strangers, getting lucky nothing worse had happened to her. But it's something she would never regret, leaving like that. She knew she had to do it, no matter who it hurt. She simply wished things hadn't gone that way, despite how necessary she felt it had been.

Her mother was someone she did look up to for most of her early years, though the strain of living under her control, her direction of abandoning "silly pursuits" for something more traditional and acceptable of the time, drove a wedge between them in later years. Jasmine had many moments where she resented her mother for not doing more, not understanding how she felt, that she wasn't bad for not wanting what they wanted for her. And yet, her mother had her good moments, sticking up for her at times, defending her to have more choices like marrying for love or pursuing an education. It didn't cover all the deviations she carried from her family, however, for Jasmine wanted what was out-of-the-question for people like them.

Her father was also a figure she found comfort in despite his times of cruelty and anger. Easily heated, Shamus was quick to assert his view, make his will known and that it was he who headed the family. He did not like to be questioned, adhering to Catholic values that were strictly enforced on the family. Deviations from this were not tolerated by Shamus Winslow, especially from his daughters. Jasmine learned quickly to keep her mouth shut when her father was around concerning certain topics, but whenever he pushed her on things that were important to her, she couldn't help but stand up to him. Each time she did, it usually ended in bitter, cutting arguments. The children would often take sides, usually against Jasmine, as they tried to live up to their father's expectations. In spite of these times, Jasmine can still recall instances of warmth and affection between them, mostly early on. A shift occurred as she got older, a notable difference as if her transition from childhood to adolesence solidified something her father was afraid of, something he felt he needed to put in line.

Ruminating on her past often led Jasmine to sorrow, a deep, heavy sorrow that usually pushed her to pick up a bottle. It would be difficult for her to put things out of her mind, laying awake in the dark, thinking on memories of that bright, broke down farmhouse, the desolate dirt roads, the lush, rich green of the surrounding farmlands. They loved her, she would try to remind herself. Even though everything happened like it did. Even if, deep down, she felt undeserving of love or forgiveness. Despite everything.

#⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧˚ . and it was signed with a kiss ━ ( answered )#wrench jackie #⋆ ˚ ｡ ⋆ ୨୧˚ . missing pages from the lady's memoirs ━ ( headcanon )

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ninjasmart · 8 months ago

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Ninja how are you?

It's a good question and I don't know how to answer that. I learned yesterday that there is yet another court case against me from the gov agency that took my bigger son from me. Same agency had invited me to meet with my son in person, but they also got a restraining order against me for my son (for which I found out yesterday). So - if I had shown in person I would have been arrested and my other kid would have been taken too.

They took him on domestic violence reports - did not call the police, did not send him to a doctor. The school claimed that he has a hugely swollen lower lip in the morning. Social services did not see such thing at lunch time but since they have been writing in their little reports that he has a hugely swollen bruise on his forehead - that's what they saw and wrote in their little report. At lunch time they transported him to a crisis center. The nurse at the crisis center did not see a swollen lower lip or swollen forehead. She saw huge wound on the inside of his lower lip and did not send him to the doctor either. In the evening they did send him to the doctor but not any doctor - they went to the ER... for headache. Maybe from the head banging he did once he realised that his plan to avoid a school tests has just cost him his freedom and family. They send him to ER and started claiming that I had beating him up this day - in front of him, and that there must be bruises on his body. There weren't. If they had waited just one more night - he would have pinched himself from anxiety all over his body. But they wanted him to be seen by doctors at night for some reason.

I wrote to all the courts that the same exact agency have separared my bigger one from bio family at 11 months old with a fake diagnosis, with evidence. I wrote to the courts all the inconsistencies about their reports, including how they are grooming him every self injury to be reported as abuse from the mother and including their knowledge that he has been self harming even when he was in the sh* hole they had put him in for the first 3 years of his life.

So, to answer your question - I don't know how I feel. I don't know how I have survived this cruxifiction for so long but what I do know is that I will not shut up about it and if it ever occurs to go after my life too - the entire world will find out all of the details of their targeting and removing children from their home.

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crimechannels · 1 year ago

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By • Olalekan Fagbade Kidnappers free Polytechnic Student after collecting beverages, cash, and recherge cards Kidnappers in Nasarawa State have reportedly released an ND II student of the State-owned Isa Mustapha Agwai Polytechnic, Lafia, Miss Taye Ajoke, who was kidnapped recently. According to The PUNCH, the kidnappers released the student after collecting the sum of N300,000 from her family. The student was said to be of the Science Laboratory Technology Department of the polytechnic. The kidnappers had on Monday night attacked Ombi 1, a residential area for students, which is two kilometers away from the polytechnic, and whisked the student to an unknown destination after shooting indiscriminately for about an hour. The incident left two other students and an admission seeker with bullet wounds. They (victims with bullet wounds) were later rushed to a government hospital for treatment. Those attacked by the bandits are an HND II student of Business Administration and Management, Freedom Luka; and a male seeking admission into the polytechnic, Danladi Nicholas. Speaking with The PUNCH in Lafia on Thursday, the President of the Students Union Government of the polytechnic, Ekom Ayaka, said Ajoke’s kidnappers had earlier called to demand for N50m but later reduced the ransom to N500,000 when they noticed that her family and well-wishers could not pay such an amount. He, however, said after several appeals to the kidnappers for a further reduction of the ransom, they agreed that her family should pay N300,000 for her release. He said, “We are grateful to God that Ajoke has been released by the bandits. She was released around 7pm on Wednesday after a ransom of N300,000 was paid. “The kidnappers first wanted N50m but they later reduced the money to N500,000 when they understood that her family and friends will not be able to get such an amount. “But after much appeal to them (kidnappers), they told her family to pay the sum of N300,000 that was in their possession. That was how she was released from captivity.” Meanwhile, the Police Public Relations Officer of the Nasarawa State Police Command, Ramhan Nansel, in a brief message to journalists in Lafia, narrated that Ajoke was released following efforts by security personnel who had been on the matter. The message reads, “Confirmed, she was released due to sustained pressure from the search and rescue team.” However, commenting on the claim of the Police, the SUG President said he could not categorically say that the security agencies did not make efforts on the matter, but maintained that N300,000 was paid as ransom, including N5,000 recharge card, and packs of beverages. He said, “The police actually followed up on the matter since that Monday night. I do not know exactly the roles they played to get her released but what I can say is that N300,000 was paid to the bandits and they were also given some tea items and recharge cards of N5,000. #andbeveragesasransom #Kidnappedsgudentreleaseafterpaymentofcash #rechargecards

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backjustforberena · 2 years ago

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What do you think about Rhaenys's relationship with Rhaena and Baela?

We know she loves deeply her granddaughters, and that Baela was raised in Driftmark. However, I think that she has a strong bond with Rhaena too (ep 8) and furthermore when Rhaenys sees Corlys she says that Rhaena and Baela needed him, so probably she was with Rhaena too even if they didn't live together?

Look, I do not know what the heck that custody arrangement is and I really wish I did. As you say, we know she loves her granddaughters deeply (don't get me started on how she treats them in "Driftmark"), and, I think has an equal bond with both.

My takeaway is that Baela was officially Rhaenys's ward, as Rhaenyra says, but Rhaena had a hell of a lot of visitation but remained on Dragonstone with her father. I don't know why it was done like that, how it was hammered out, I'm just leaving it at that being the reality. But, Rhaenys says Baela and Rhaena to Corlys. I think she'd had a fair bit of time with them as they grew up, before Laena died, due to their interaction and familiarity at the wake etc.

And I think she also refers to both of the girls to her husband because, as well as her love for both of them as her granddaughters, she's also deeply protective and has taken them both on as her responsibility, in her heart. So it's a very, very strong emotional tie and a deep bond with those girls. And their father's priorities are elsewhere; new marriage, new kids, the eagerness to burn everyone etc etc. Rhaenys just has those girls, especially after Corlys leaves.

The first time we see them together is in the shot above. I've said this before about how everyone else is angled towards the Crown and the ceremony, but Rhaenys's body is angled towards her granddaughters. As the wake goes on, she sidesteps fellow mourners offering condolences, and goes straight to her granddaughters, to comfort them and be comforted. And she stays there throughout the entire scene, which has a lot going on. It's showing not just the rift between her and Corlys (as they don't interact) but her new motivation. Plus... she calls them "darlings", which makes me feel things.

In the big scene over Aegon's eye, again, she couldn't give a jot about the chaos in her home, her eyes are square on those girls and they run to her even before she's off of the stairs. She not only checks over their wounds, but she physically does not let go of them throughout. She clings to them and they cling to her. When things kick off, Rhaenys shields their gaze from it and puts her body in between them and the violence. And at the end, you can see, she kisses the tops of their heads.

One of the things that they made clear in the show is how much Baela and Rhaena look like their mother. Their mother, who Rhaenys feels she let down ("She wanted to come home [...] needed our maesters..."), who Rhaenys feels she lost as a punishment for her pride. No wonder she clings to them. I think there is a sense of do-over. Of atonement, of getting things right. Her whole focus is geared towards making sure that those girls don't suffer as Laena did (trapped) or even as she did (stripped of her potential power).

I think that's part of the reason she goes for Driftmark to pass down to Baela and I think it's definitely the reason she publically proclaims and accepts Rhaenyra's offer of betrothal for both girls in front of the court. She wants to give them every opportunity. She wants to provide them with agency and freedom as much as she can. By taking Baela on as ward, she can show her how a woman rules. If Baela owned Driftmark and had an inheritance then she could not be left powerless. Her sister would always have a place to go to. They, collectively, would be as safe as they could be, and not become bargaining chips. Obviously, that is shot down in flames. So the proposals are a good backup. It guarantees that both Baela and Rhaena have the protection and support and the priority of the Blacks, and can't be taken back now it's been accepted by the King. Rhaenys is aware in that moment of her own power slipping, especially if Corlys should die. If she loses that, she can't protect her granddaughters.

But back to the actual relationship, there's a whole lot of love there from Rhaenys and to Rhaenys. Baela is probably ready to fight anyone who wants to cut her down, including Great-Uncle Vaemond. As well as that, she shows great emotional intelligence, seeing how Rhaenys is affected by the news of Corlys (where is my deleted scene from that episode??? I know there is one, and in Episode 10, we have evidence, HBO). And Rhaena is obviously close enough to Rhaenys that Rhaenyra believes she can use the mere fact of Rhaenys seeing her granddaughter to "soften [her] resolve". And the smile and the hand-holding and all of that is so cute and so telling considering this isn't a woman who shows a lot of physical affection in public and especially before a conversation she knows is going to be a battle of words. And Rhaena just checking in with Rhaenys before she leaves. Love it. All of it. Love them.

There doesn't seem to be any favouring. As much as the girls are split up, whenever it's Rhaenys in control of the situation (or, more broader, the Velaryons), those girls are together. The last we see of them together, they are in lockstep behind their grandfather and grandmother, even with Rhaenyra and Daemon being in there. It's telling that as they step into the game, they bring both of their granddaughters with them.

#rhaena targaryen #baela targaryen #rhaenys targaryen #house of the dragon #golly these asks are fun!

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uwuwriting · 4 years ago

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Denki, Dabi and Bakugou in a secret relationship

Request: hii!! i loved your post about the secret relationship being exposed and i was wondering if you could do the same for dabi bakugo and denki - anonymous

Um this was supposed to go up yesterday, I had queued it but tumblr decided to just deleted. Oh well. I hope you like it you guys even though its a day late. This was fun to write. Love ya. 💖💖💖

rules

warnings: some sexy times mentions, fluff

Kaminari Denki

-Kaminari is an idiot.

-I don’t even know who you’ve managed to keep your relationship a secret.

-90% sure the whole school knows and just pretends to be oblivious.

-Anyways.

-It kinda bothers him that he has to keep it a secret.

-He wants to scoop you up and spin you around in the hallways, hug you after a really rough training session with Bakubro, kiss you when you are being extra extra cute.

-Plus he wants to brag to the other idiots for getting a girlfriend first.

-But alas he respects your wishes and tries to keep it all under wraps.

-Your parents are pro heroes and have warned you about the dangers of dating since you are their kid.

-Villains wouldn’t hesitate to threaten you with your significant other if it means they’ll get to your parents.

-So now Kaminari is stuck sneaking in your dorm late at night only to spend a few hours with you and give you as much kisses as he can fit in the little time you have.

-Surprisingly he has kept it a secret for almost a year now.

-No slip ups, no marks on his skin after a spice night, none of your clothes could be found in his room whatsoever.

-Apart from his usual flirty nature towards you, there was nothing that could indicate that you two were an item.

-Now being in your third year, things had gotten rather serious with your hero works.

-Most of you if not all had been working along side a pro hero for the last year or two but that didn’t mean they would take you in after high school.

-Every student had to wait for the acceptance letter from the agency or an agency in general and they would be set for their hero work after school.

-You had been working with a hero agency since your first year and you were pretty happy.

-But the pro hero you had been with decided that after you were done with your hero studies, he would retire leaving you with no agency to boost your career after school.

-Kaminari was as devastated as you were.

-He tried comforting you as much as he could, extra hugs and kisses, more snacks and movie nights, anything to help you cope with the fact that you would be back to the starting line once school was over.

-He hated seeing you cry.

-Then the unthinkable happened.

-Mt.Lady was a well known hero and one with a desired sidekick position that no one seemed to really fill.

-You had just helped her stop a major villain attack tricking the villain and capturing him before he could do any real damage in the area.

-To say that Mt.Lady was impressed was an understatement.

-She contacted your hero agency and asked if you had already signed a deal with them.

-You can see where this is going.

-When you got the notice from Mt. Lady’s agency you were over the moon and so was Kaminari.

-He was so happy that the person he loved the most was finally getting what she deserved.

-He had dragged you to the janitor’s closet to give you his personal congratulations, catching the attention of a certain red head.

-He kissed you like there was no tomorrow, his arms keeping you as close as possible, flush to his chest as he peppered your face and neck with feather light kisses.

- “I’m so proud of you babe!”

-You tried to keep your giggles on the down low to no avail since Kaminari’s goal was to make you laugh.

-For a long moment you didn’t care if someone found you, you were so happy and so comfortable in Denki’s arms that you didn’t want to leave the closet and go back to your hidden lives.

-Then you saw the light coming from the door, getting ready to lightly scold Kaminari for leaving the door open when you made eye contact with Kirishima......and Mina ..... and Sero..... and somewhere in the far back with a pair of ruby red eyes.

- “Babygirl is everything alright?”

-He hadn’t seen them yet, then he followed your line of vision and the man has never yeeted you out of his arms faster in his life.

-Your friends just stared at you in complete shock for a full minute before Bakugou broke the silence.

- “Oi you own me ramen Kirishima.”

Dabi

-With this guy I’m not surprised that you managed to keep it a secret.

-Oh no no no.

-I’m surprised you managed to get him into a relationship.

-It wasn’t easy though you would give him that.

-You were part of the LoV of course and well you didn’t really take any of their shit.

-The only person you respected was Kurogiri and that was borderline pity.

-He had to babysit a 20 year old killing machine with issues, many issues, many many issues.

-When Dabi approached you with his signature flirty and I-only-do-one-night-stands-babygirl attitude, you being the idiot that you are took the bait.

-The LoV knows of yalls nights together but they only thought that that was it.

-Dabi slept around and you were a really attractive person.

-Plus they knew you both were bored so sex was, to their eyes, the only solution.

-What they didn’t know though was that Dabi was starting to catch feelings and soon enough he hated seeing you remotely talking with another human being.

-Then that fateful mission happened and the deal was sealed.

-You were spying on Overhaul and his lackeys, hidden in his underground lab watching as they went around doing stuff.

-Then you heard a childish scream and it was the first time Dabi saw fear flash in your eyes.

-You turned around following the source of the screams absolutely ignoring Dabi’s protests and threats.

-It was like you were in a daze and Dabi felt the terror sink his claws in his throat as you passed by so many of Overhaul’s members nearly getting caught.

-When you reached the glass door that led into Eri’s experiment lab, he saw the color drain from your face and your knees buckling.

-He caught you before you hit the floor dragging you away from the lab door despite the fact that you clawed at his coat to put you down.

-He felt his shoulder getting wet and that’s when he saw the tears that were falling freely down your cheeks.

-He had managed to calm you down long enough to convince you to leave before you got caught but luck wasn’t on your side when one of the lackeys spotted you.

-Dabi was a few feet away from the exit, becoming reckless at the sight of freedom not noticing the masked individual pointing his gun at him.

-You noticed though.

-And you got in the way, pushing Dabi to the ground as the quirk cancelling bullet pierced your side leaving you to fall to the floor with a grunt and a strangled pained moan.

-The next few minutes were a blur.

-Dabi didn’t remember how he got you out of there or how he was now on a rooftop with you pressed flush against his chest as the affects of the bullet made you tremble.

- “Shh doll, shhh. I’m here I got you.”

-He knew your trembling was not entirely because of the bullet, he saw how your eyes glassed over at the sight of Eri back in the lab and he knew that this had something to do with your past.

-He used to get the same glassy eyed look on his face when he would see Endeavour on the news shortly after his “death”.

-Things changed after that.

-He didn’t take you to the hideout that night, he brought you to his apartment where he helped you clean up your wound and calm down.

- “I know it’s not my place to ask but what the hell to you happened back there?”

-When you explained what you’ve been through and how those screams brought back things you thought you had long ago buried, he was left gawking at you.

-For some weird reason he believed that you were just a brat who ran away from home on some rebellious whim.

- “Ugh what am I saying? You don’t give a damn! Why did I even-”

- “Touya.”

- “What?”

- “My real name is Touya, I-I wanted you to know.”

-Sharing a heart felt night analyzing your past trauma with someone you sleep with is one way to get yourself into a relationship.

-You both agreed to keep it secret and you did keep it like that for a long time, a very long time.

-The LoV never truly found out.

-Some had their suspicions sure, Mister Compress had even made a bet with Toga but you two never gave them any further hints apart from the constant paired up missions you went on.

-The only one who knew was Kurogiri.

-He had caught you two spending the night together on a rooftop, all cuddled up together your hands intertwined as you looked up at the stars.

-He was getting back from an emergency snack run when he saw the familiar glow of Dabi’s blue flames and your characteristic giggles.

-He never said anything and when Dabi came to him to ask for some pregnancy facts, he knew that he truly loved you.

-No one ever knew and no one will ever know.

-Unless the run into you two in five years while you’re out for a walk with your son.

Bakugou Katsuki

-Sparky sparky boom boom man is a lil bitch.

-Don’t try to argue you know that too.

-You just need to accept it.

-His way to approach you was by insulting the living shit out of you before making you reach the tip of an anger fit.

-He knew how to press your buttons and it made you fume.

-You had to give it to him he was hella attractive and his true personality shined through his faced at times.

-And so did his worry for you.

-You got together after his kidnapping.

-He suffered from nightmares after the incident and one night he came to your dorm, trembling and cold sweat running down his spine.

-He had no idea why his feet led him to your room, he just knew that you were now wrapping him in a fluffy blanket and putting on a Disney movie as you hugged him so so tightly.

-He slept over and the next morning he confessed.

-Actually you both confessed but those are useless details.

-In reality it wasn’t even a confession with words.

-You both woke up facing each other, your noses touching and I don’t know who leaned in first but next thing you knew you were kissing his hand cupping you cheek while the other intertwined with yours.

-Keeping your relationship a secret with this one is easy.

-He is still being a lil bitch to you and you are still sassing him back.

-Behind closed doors he is kinda sweet and caring not a lot though because even with you he has to uphold his reputation.

-After some time though he calms down and is a cuddle bug.

-Like he will tackle you on the bed the moment you close the door to his dorm, restricting any movement until he is satisfied with the cuddles.

-Baby even said ‘I love you’ first awwww!!

-He was so shy about it.

-Anyways.

-That’s a story for another time.

-He doesn’t really care about keeping it a secret anymore.

-He’s low key tired of hiding.

-Much like Kaminari he wants to kiss you whenever he wants, hold you and hug you till you can’t breathe after he gets back to the dorms after a rough patrol with his hero study.

-But oh well the cat isn’t out of the bag yet and you being third years now you couldn’t really do something about it.

-You spend so much time with him that you would think that some of your classmates would like sniff you out.

-But no.

-They all dumb af.

-You would spend a lot of time with him and the Bakusquad since your first year so they just think you’re really good friends.

-Todoroki kinda knows but he doesn’t at the same time.

-Some mannerisms remind him while he was in a secret relationship before Momo found out but then he sees how Bakugou treats you just like any other person so he is really confused.

-More confused than usual.

-Now you got outed by the man himself.

-Bakugou is not good with jealousy.

-Jealousy and Bakugou should never go hand in hand.

-You were talking to Mina in class, leaning on the desk behind you.

-Your skirt had ridden up show casing your thighs making Bakugou think back to some noises you made a few nights ago.

-If he got hard he would blame you and he would be extra pissy.

-He was enjoying the show though.

-He watched you like a hawk.

-The way your body leaned back making your legs straighten and flex slightly or how he could see the hickey he had left right at the base of your neck the other night that you’ve tried to cover with make up.

-He could see it because he knew it was there, to an outsider everything was normal.

-He was jolted out of his daze by Mineta’s voice.

-And the sound of your name on his lips.

- “Look at Y/N’s thighs! She could suffocate me with those legs and I would thank her!”

-Kirishima smacked him upside the head trying to shut him up.

-Kaminari was slowly escaping the scene because he saw the small sparks in his friend’s hand at the comment.

-He chose life.

-Mineta though didn’t stop.

- “I could lose myself between those legs. Oh the noises she must make.”

-Now what happened next is a huge question mark.

-The end result however was Mineta almost being blasted out the window and into space and Bakugou almost popping the vein on his forehead.

-You had to get in between them and try to calm down your boyfriend.

-Most of your classmates had long forgotten Mineta and his whining and had zoned in on your hands on Bakugou’s chest or on his arm that had wrapped around your waist in an attempt to push you behind him.

- “You ever dare speak my girlfriend’s name I’m blasting you to the next dimension.”

- “Katsuki please calm down it’s fine.”

-Legit you both forgot that your relationship had been a secret for the past three years.

-You floated back into reality when Present Mic himself asked.

- “YOu TWo aRe aN iTeM?????”

-Chaos ensued and a crap ton of explanations.

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan @the-arcana-fan-fic @angelwritings @axerrri @reinyrei

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years ago

Text

Gladiolus.

Description: Jihyun Kim knew what he had to do to protect both Saeran and Saeyoung, but what happens when he realizes that he needs to help himself and change the course of his life to accomplish it? Will he have the strength to be the Dad that he needs to be for them in the face of his mistakes and victories?

Photographer Saeran AU

Word Count: 10500

Based on this idea and thanks to @dailysaeran for drawing baby Saeran!

[Read on AO3]

Jihyun had heard that the winds of change could come into your life and dismantle everything that you thought would last forever. Life wasn’t always a constant stream where the water would twist and turn around the rocks the same way. The weather would change, the temperature would change, the currents would change, and even the animals that lived in the water would change as the seasons passed.

It had been something that he had gone through twice before, but this change wasn’t one that he ever expected to come. It had been a realization that had been a long time coming, but he hadn’t allowed himself to see just how much he needed to stop and reflect on the man that he became as his life shifted to much more mature adulthood.

The first time things changed, he lost his dear mother and it changed the way that he believed in love. Her adoration and commitment to him had made him believe that he needed to care for the people he loved no matter what, without fail, even if it meant that he would sacrifice himself. In hindsight, now he was able to see how this extreme wasn’t the right way to handle his feelings towards others.

His mother had always loved him and wanted the best for him. But, at that time, he had been a stubborn young man who had layered issues with his mother. It wasn’t her fault that his father had taught him to feel complicated about his mother, and it certainly wasn’t her fault that V had come to realize too late that his father had manipulated him to believe in his lies. He had been so afraid as a child of his father seeing his true passion.

His fears and insecurities forced him into pushing his mother away over and over again, but she kept believing in him and pushing for him to find his dream. Her sacrifice for him during the fire that claimed her life had been what changed Jihyun forever. He thought that to love someone, he had to give everything for the rest of his life, even if that meant trying to help someone by being too pushy.

His mistake here had nearly cost him everything.

It had almost destroyed him, in the same way, that his mother had been destroyed by her love and compassion for her son whom she loved dearly. He had learned the wrong lesson and it was only recently that he was able to understand that.

The second time things changed, he had met Rika, and by extension, he would eventually come into contact with Saeyoung. His love life with Rika had always been intense, blinding as the sun as the two of them tangled their broken hearts looking for a savior to believe in. But, their love wasn’t right for one another at the end of the day, and the more they argued the less idyllic their reality became.

He wanted to help Rika escape from her nightmares and trauma, but he had no idea how to help her in the way that she needed him to. He thought that allowing her to fixate on her darkest and scariest thoughts by subjecting him to them instead of herself, would help her to break free of the chain. She was a star that was on the brink of exploding when he met her, and every single day, he idealized this and found a muse within it.

It hadn’t been a healthy relationship once their feelings became tangled with the fruits of poison but as that realization grew to a fever pitch, V couldn’t ignore the cycle that had been created. Even if they ignored it and tried to make things work, it was never going to work and they were needless in the way that they continued to subject themselves to something that would never make them feel the love that they deserved.

Everyone thought that their love was perfect, but it was far from the truth. This was realized just as they began to help the twins. Saeyoung and Saeran Choi were two young boys who had been living in hell their entire lives, and they were trapped in a cycle of abuse that they could not get out of on their own. Rika had been taking care of Saeyoung for a while, gaining his trust through the church and trying to help him bring more food and clothes home to his sickly twin.

She’d known him for quite some time before Jihyun met him. But, Rika had been upfront with him about the life that this young boy lived, and it didn’t take much consideration for him to so badly want to help. Saeyoung was willing to do anything, try something, or beg if it meant that his brother could be safe and sound away from harm. Their mother was using them to blackmail their father into getting whatever she wanted, and without them, she wouldn’t be able to assert that control.

Rika, at first, wanted to simply remove the boys in the dead of night and run. V thought that wasn’t a bad idea, but when Saeyoung admitted the identity of his father, they both knew in their hearts that running wasn’t going to be a viable option.

It was in their hunt to find a way to get the older twin an escape that V met someone from the agency. A fan of his that loved to buy up so many of his photographs happened to be working for an underground facility that took any intelligent young people under their wings. The man spun it to him like being an escape from reality, an action movie suddenly came to life that would give the budding Choi a place to learn how to use his skills to protect himself.

As Saeyoung had proven to be quite skillful with programming, the books that he had been studying that had been given to him by Rika had come in handy. He was able to prove that his skill was worth the trouble it would take to train him properly to the man, and Jihyun was able to make a deal through that, giving Saeyoung safety within the confines of secret protection where his hacking skills could eventually help him hide everything about himself and his brother.

For the time being, Saeyoung would have to let go of his twin to go into the agency to study and become what they wanted him to be. There was no telling how long he would owe the agency his life and skill, it could’ve been years or it could’ve lasted his entire life. But, the deal would give him time to figure out how to become the strongest person that he could be. It would allow him to protect his brother, which is all he wanted.

In making this deal with the agency, he made a second deal with V for it. Saeyoung was a very firm negotiator when he wanted to be. The promise was that as long as Saeyoung was in the care of the agency, V and/or Rika would have to care for his brother and keep him hidden. It was this large promise to make that meant that everything in their lives would change, but V took this deal because he knew it was the right thing to do. He wanted nothing more than to protect those boys with his entire heart.

He had never been this committed to the idea of protecting children before, but he supposed that he saw his pain in their eyes. He never wanted to see another child hurt from whatever they lived through, no matter how deep the pain buried itself into their bodies. This deal was made and the older twin had to leave without warning. His heart ached to know that he couldn’t tell his twin where he was going.

People in the agency weren’t allowed to have connections with family or loved ones. If they did, people would use them as collateral and the agency couldn’t have their members breaking down every time someone wound up kidnapped or used a prop. Saeyoung couldn’t stomach the idea of knowing that his brother would get hurt when this was to protect him, so when the day came and he had to leave?

He hugged his brother tightly as he was still resting and apologized, leaving during the time before the sun rose with just the clothes on his back. Saeran would be okay, but he had to break his heart into pieces to do it. His little brother was everything to him and just knowing that he could taste some kind of freedom was all he needed to choose to leave. Saeyoung had tears in his eyes that day, but he never stopped smiling.

Those words that Saeyoung spoke still haunted him somewhat, as the undaunted expression in his eyes grew; “Saeran will have a good life. I know he will. He’ll be free to look at the grounds and get any kind of ice cream that he wants after dinner from now on. He’ll get to experience all kinds of firsts… he can read, draw, and try all kinds of things with you, V. He’ll make friends, he’ll fall in love, he’ll have everything that he could ever want. Thank you.”

That hung heavy on V’s shoulders as it was a tall order to fulfill. But, he took that promise and he kept it deeply interwoven inside of his heart. Even as his and Rika’s relationship came to an end in a matter of seconds. Rika realized after just a short time being around Saeran that his pain was too great compared to her own, and it reminded her too much of her mother and the pain that she had suffered.

She wanted to protect Saeran, but this realization had given her the ugly truth. She couldn’t give him the love that he needed alongside V… because her heart was still wounded, and she wanted to heal herself in the right way before she tried to help someone in need in the way that he truly needed. His pain was like her own, and in seeing that, she knew that she needed to end things with V to be able to help herself.

As they had been growing apart over some time, V understood why she chose to do this and he knew that it was coming no matter what happened. They had never been perfect for each other and trying to force themselves to stay together to take care of Saeran simply wasn’t going to help that child in need.

Rika dedicated herself back to going to therapy consistently and decided to put all her energy into creating the RFA so she could help Saeran and other children like him that way, removed from the situation but still close enough to provide help.

She loved V but their love couldn’t ever be more than what it had always been, mere infatuation and trying to cover their wounds with a meager bandaid that couldn’t heal the problem. He cared for her greatly but at the end of the day, love could not bloom and prosper in a garden without a drop of water in the intense heat of the sun.

V understood his failing in their relationship as well, and through her insistence, as well as the urging of Jumin, he decided that he needed to get help for himself as well. Even if getting help was such a taboo in his culture, he knew that he needed it. He knew that his heart was wounded and to be a better man, he had to acknowledge what he had gone through. After all, if he was to be Saeran’s father, he wanted to be worthy of the title.

He wanted to be able to prove to not only himself but everyone around him that he could do the right thing. It wasn’t easy for him to face his demons but it was a process that he wanted to start for his heath. While that started and he and Rika separated, he slowly took the time to lure Saeran away from his mother’s grasp day by day. It started with Rika convincing the woman to let him come to the cathedral every so often.

But, in due time, the longer that Saeran was gone, the less time that his mother was aware of her surroundings and the people around herself.

She had been drinking often since Saeyoung had left and it left her out of her mind for lengthy periods. When she was too dazed to even process what her name was, much less where her child was, that’s when V and Rika snuck in during the dead of night when she was passed out and there was no sign of any watchful eyes from Saejoong Choi.

Saeran was removed from her household and brought to V’s house in the secluded mountains, far from the city but just close enough that they wouldn’t have a lengthy drive if push came to shove and they needed something.

That woman was left in her despair but her fate hung in the balance the minute that she was left alone. They took extreme measures to make it look like the boys hadn’t even lived there in the first place, but whatever Saejoong Choi decided to do with that woman… it would be the price of her sins to face alone now that she no longer could use the boys as puppets. Neither V nor Rika would look back or try to discern her true fate.

It would be up to fate in that case and they would shield Saeran from that reality as much as they could. He might have cared for the idea of his mother as he craved a family where he was wanted and loved, but she wasn’t someone who truly loved her sons. They couldn’t be properly called her sons because she never treated them the way a mother should treat their child. She simply did not deserve that title.

Regardless, with Saeran under his care, he was finally able to wake up one morning and know that he had a bed that couldn’t be taken away from him. He’d been given his bedroom with anything that he could desire. Saeyoung had told them about some of the things that he liked and it helped them figure out what to gift him to make him feel more at home.

It was a lot for Saeran all at once, though.

His eyes flooded with tears that day as he realized that he had a bed for the first time in his life. He looked back at V and asked him, “Is that mine?” The twins had slept on a mat on the floor with only a single blanket to share between them. Saeran often wound up wearing the blanket after he fell asleep because Saeyoung would refuse to take it. So, a bed was like the biggest gift this child had ever seen.

Saeran’s eyes flooded with tears as he hugged V without thinking, looking at him with the most joyful expression in his eyes. V felt his heart jump when he did, and a lump grew in his throat as he ruffled the boy’s hair and smiled in return. This was what Saeyoung wanted, his twin to be able to have the very thing that they had been denied from their birth, a home with a family that would protect him.

He had been barely fourteen years old, but the way his donated clothes clung to his body and how short he was, he could’ve passed easily as a ten-year-old, at best. He was small and barely able to hold himself up most days but that had been a happy moment for him. Saeran had only let go of V to race to the bed, flopping onto the soft mattress and rolling onto his back, laughing and giggling with glee.

His room was a paradise of pinks and blues, very gentle pastels that would cloak him with the sunshine that he had been denied. His room had a large window that he could open if he wanted to see the sky or feel the fresh breeze on his face once again.

There was a view of the garden in the back and the massive trees that lead into the forest further behind that. He could see all of the things that he never could have locked away in his mother’s house.

There were plushies and toys carefully tucked into the room as well since Saeyoung had been firmly adamant that his twin loved to color and all the picture books that he had received made him long for toys and soft things to hold onto.

There was one gift in that room that hadn’t been chosen by V… and it was a ginger tabby cat plushie, something that Saeyoung picked out for him after he snuck out to go shopping with V one day.

If Saeran were to flip the tag around its neck, he would see his brother’s handwriting on the back plain as day. It didn’t say his brother’s name on it but it did say, “For Saeran,” and that would be the only clue his twin needed to understand that it was a gift from Saeyoung. He would discover it when V left him to acclimate to his new room by himself, eyes laced with happy tears as he’d realize his twin had given him a gift.

It meant that his brother was alive and this was where he wanted him to be.

Saeran was hopeful after that, his eyes sparkling with relief and joy. V couldn’t tell him where his twin was or anything about him, but the gift was enough. It was a gesture that would be able to tide him over and keep his heart happy, knowing that he hadn’t been abandoned and his twin hadn’t been killed by their father.

It was a simple gesture but it was the only thing that he could think of to bypass the agency before they even knew it was a problem.

Of course, this opened up another can of worms that V had to deal with. The fact of the matter was, Saeran couldn’t keep his red hair. Even if he was hidden away from the rest of the world and safe with him, they couldn’t trust that his father wasn’t still looking. He would be hunting around for boys with red hair and golden eyes.

V had to explain this to Saeran, who felt a little dejected about not being able to keep his hair but after he learned why he had to change it, he was okay with it. After all, he knew that he could be able to dye it back someday if he wanted. But, for the time being, he had to dye his hair to look like V’s did. This was for a very good reason and it worked with the backstory that he was going to tell people if they asked about him having a child.

Through the false documentation that he was able to create thanks to the channel he had created with his informants, he was able to create an entire fabricated life for Saeran. It took a lot of time to look into his mother’s side, but he was able to make it seem as though Saeran was just a very distant cousin of his from the states that had no other family to turn to. It meant he wouldn’t be in the family registry since it was distant.

It was close enough that a doctored birth certificate and some basic paperwork could give him a new identity overall. It took a lot of money to make it as perfect and legal as possible, but it was well worth the price he paid. To the South Korean government as far as they were concerned in the matter, Saeran would simply be known as Ray Kim, the adopted child of Jihyun Kim. It was as simple as that.

Saeran had been adamant about the name since he got to pick what people would call him. He thought about it for a while until he stumbled upon an interesting idiom. He noticed that nice people were called a Ray of Sunshine. Saeran felt connected with that idea, he wanted so badly to be happy enough that people would never think he was lonely and pathetic.

He wanted to be that person that looked so happy they glowed.

If Saeyoung was watching over him now, he wanted his brother to know that he was happy. So, his new name should’ve been happy. V agreed and let him pick that name since he was giving up a lot to be able to have this freedom in the first place. He was a child that had been saved but he still had limitations on what he could do. Being able to choose his name was one of the small luxuries.

Of course, as soon as the paperwork was ready, V had to dye his hair himself. It took a while to lighten his red locks to a color that would accept the mint dye, but Saeran was a good sport for the entire time that he had to sit there at the table, letting V do his hair in layers as everything started to process. It took a few hours but by the end of it, Saeran’s red was washed away and replaced with a color that was no different than V’s.

The child looked into the mirror once his hair had dried out, blinking a few times at his reflection since he didn’t recognize it at first. His golden eyes stared back at him so he knew that it was his face in the mirror but it felt weird not to see his twin’s face reflected with his own. It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t okay.

It was okay.

He knew it would be okay.

In a quiet voice, he asked, “Do you think Saeyoung would be upset because I don’t look like him anymore?”

“Saeyoung would be happy that you’re safe here,” V said. He rested his hand against Saeran’s shoulder and they looked back at their reflections together this time. “You’ll always look like your brother, even if you don’t have the same hair color. Nobody can ever take that connection away from you, Saeran. Never forget that.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to try on the contacts, too? You don’t have to use them when we’re at home, but if we leave the house for something together, I’ll need you to wear them, okay? So, it’d be nice to try to practice getting them off and on your eyes.”

“Are they this color, too?”

“I picked a few different colors out, Saeran. What would you like to try?”

“Um, what about green? It’s like the grass!”

“We can try that.”

—

Saeran adjusted as best he could.

Everything changed so much for him after he finally felt secure. He had room to sleep in, he had a house that could leave whenever he wanted, and he had a new member of his family who liked to listen to him talk for hours about all of the new things that he was doing. V even said that once he felt like he was ready, he could start going to school and hang out with kids his age.

That was a little scary for Saeran to think about. He wasn’t sure about going out in the open with people… he was still scared of being caught by his father and getting his brother into trouble. It was a sad reality that he faced but the decision was ultimately left in his hands if he wanted to go to school with other kids or he simply wanted V to hire him a proper tutor to come and visit the house every week.

Saeran was curious about school… about kids his age. Back at the cathedral, he didn’t talk much to the other kids because he had felt too shy to approach them. He had spoken to some of the kids a few times during the playtime that they had whilst the parents were in the middle of their mass, but he always got too anxious to talk to them beyond a few quiet “hello”s.

It was hard to imagine making friends.

It was hard to imagine going to school, too.

But, everything he saw on the television made it seem like it might be fun. What if Saeyoung was going to a school? Would he want him to go, too? He wasn’t so sure about it, but he could think about it and try to guess what it would be like. After all, V went to a school when he’d been a kid, so that meant that it was safe, right?

Saeran was a gentle soul that liked to learn how to do everything… every meal was spent trying to show him how to do something. Cleaning up meant that he wanted to help V every step of the way, and for the time that he wasn’t trying to learn skills, he could be found outside in the garden that was growing stronger outside. The flowers and vegetables had caught his eye, again.

He spent a lot of time learning about them at the cathedral but he didn’t have long to study the picture book that V got him when he was stuck with his mother. He liked learning about how they drew and what they meant when you shared them with other people. Saeran thought it was interesting that people could share secrets between petals and stems.

They were all so pretty and he liked talking to them whenever he could. They were like his friends even if they couldn’t talk back to him. He never had someone who listened so much before so he liked that about them. His flowers were everything to him, and he felt like they could be what he needed to get by instead of school!

Even if he was curious about what it felt like to have friends that could talk back to him. His flowers were good enough, right?

V told him that flowers grow better when you talk to them, and he took that belief inside of his heart without question. Even though there was so much that he wanted to share with the flowers, he always ran out of time when the sunset. If he could’ve spent all his time in that little garden, he would have. Though, he was always sad on rainy days when couldn’t go outside and see his friends.

He would curl up on the couch with his plushie and stare up at the ceiling for a while, letting his mind wander with thoughts that seemed endless. He was lonely, now, even if he had a family of flowers and V with him. Maybe V was right, he wondered, maybe it would be nice to have some friends that he could talk to just as much as he loved talking to his flower friends. What if he was allowed to have both?

After a particularly stormy day and night that hadn’t let him go outside, Saeran practically leaped at the chance to go outside again. He didn’t even think to ask if V was going to come with him, his little legs just carried him through the house and out the backdoor as fast as they could. He found his way around the puddles and beamed, leaning over with his hands on his knees to inspect his friends.

They looked like they had gotten a lot of water overnight but after how dry it had been, he wasn’t too scared for them. He just wished that he had a chance to see them even when it was raining badly. His flower friends made his day feel a little bit brighter so seeing them made them was always a good feeling he had. He just didn’t know how to see them if it was raining so much all the time!

That’s when Jihyun appeared beside him, crouching down in the dirt next to Saeran with his camera in hand. Saeran cocked his head and looked at him, unsure why he had come to this part of their garden right away. He lifted the viewfinder to his face and pointed it at one of the flowers that he had been admiring, then he lowered the device and showed the image to Saeran.

With curious and amazing eyes, Saeran found himself staring at a reflection of the flower. He’d known that V took photos of things that were kind of like what he saw on the walls of their little house but those were all of the sky and stars. There weren’t photos of flowers in the house, there were a few paintings, but no flower pictures.

He didn’t realize that pictures could be taken of things that were on Earth. Technology was still kind of a fickle thing for Saeran. He had a hard time understanding how things worked, trying to figure out how televisions made their picture happen, how phones could call people if they didn’t have a connection with a string, how cameras worked, how lights functioned to off and on, how a sink made water, and more.

The house that he lived in with his brother didn’t have a lot of things. The kitchen they had was small and he wasn’t allowed in it. His brother would have to get him food and water, and if he’d ever walked into the kitchen without his mother dragging him in there, he would get hurt in the process. He never looked around. He always looked at his feet.

It felt like he didn’t know how anything worked. He always tried to guess how they worked, but the only answer that he could come up with was magic. It made sense in the storybook that he’d read once. Magic seemed like a really good answer, but he couldn’t ever find the fairy or witch that was making it work!

What made V’s camera work?

He was utterly mystified by what he was seeing on the device. He liked the photos that V took of the sky but… he never thought that this was something he could do. V always had a lot of big cameras that he would take outside during the day and night to take longer photos. He said something about exposure, but Ray didn’t know what he meant.

He just knew that whatever magic he did made those really pretty photos of the fluffy clouds come into their living room. V had hung the photo that Saeran liked the most in his room after he asked if he could look at the photo for a while. He thought that asking meant that V would let him look at his screen for a while, but he printed the photo out and put it up when he was asleep. It was a nice surprise!

He spoke up without knowing what he said aloud, “You… you can take pictures of flowers, too? I thought your camera only worked the sky.”

A small smile appeared on V’s face. He paused as if an idea came to mind, and then he leaned over and pressed the camera into Saeran’s hands. Saeran was surprised and looked down at the device in his hands. He didn’t know what to do with it. He was nervous he might drop it if V let him hold it, so he tried to hand it back, but V insisted with another gentle nudge towards him to keep it.

“Lift the camera and look at the screen,” V tapped his finger against the top of the camera where he was staring. “Notice how it shows you what you already see in the garden?

Saeran did as he said, and he noticed the world moved much as it did on television on that small screen. Oh, so, did the cameras that took pictures to take the videos, too? That seemed to make sense to him. He could see the Gladiolus reflected on the monitor. There were a lot of buttons that did things but he didn’t know what they did.

Saeran pursed his lips and looked back at V, “How do you make it work like that? I mean, how do you take the picture?”

“I’d be happy to show you. Can I?”

“Uh-huh.”

So, V adjusted Saeran’s hold on the camera. He helped him place one firm hand on the lens and another on the side of the camera. Then, he showed him how to focus the lens and how to clear up the picture. Saeran felt a little weird about it since this was his first time holding a camera but V was patient as his uncertainty slowly washed away.

He looked at the flower outside of the lens at first, then he looked at the screen again. Saeran thought about it. Would the picture look the same as the real thing? Would someone who saw the photo know exactly what Saeran felt when he was looking at the flower? Or, would they guess as to what he felt? Would they feel that fluttering feeling, too?

“When you want to take a photo, you hit the button. Go ahead, give it a try.”

Saeran hit the switch on the side of the camera and waited a few seconds for the image to show itself on the screen. A wide smile appeared on his face as soon as it did. He couldn’t believe it! He’d taken a photo and it looked just like his flower! Lowering the camera soon, he looked at V who was smiling, too.

He wished that he could show Saeyoung! He never took a photo before and this one reminded him of his brother so much! He was happy, so happy that he had been able to try something new, that he didn’t even realize that he had begun to giggle, “I did it! Dad, I did it! I took the photo!”

“You did a good job, Saeran. Would you like to keep trying?”

V ruffled his hair once again, the mint locks growing messy around his eyes as it would always do whenever the man did that. The breeze was no different, further messing up his hair but he’d decided he didn’t care about that. His hair could be as messy as he wanted and nobody would get onto him for it.

Saeran’s smile didn’t fade away this time. The prospect that he was allowed to try something more than just once was still a foreign feeling, but it was one that he wasn’t afraid of. “Do you mean it? I can take more photos? I don’t have to just take one of them? I can take anything I want?”

“Of course, Saeran. I’d be happy to show you how to take pictures of anything you want. There is no limit to what you can take. Those flowers, those trees, the lake just beyond them, the sky, the clouds, you, me, anything you want! I remember you said that you wanted to be able to see your flowers even when it was rainy… and this way you can. You can take pictures of as many flowers as you want.”

Saeran’s eyes sparkled with excitement. He turned away from V and began to look around the garden for anything that might catch his eye. He didn’t know where to start. He never expected to be able to do something like this! What kind of pictures would he like to see? Oh, could he take photos like V and surprise him the way that he did?

There were so many ideas running through him and he knew that he wanted to try all of them as soon as he could.

He was renewed with the idea that maybe, just maybe he would be able to send these photos to his brother somehow. Wouldn’t Saeyoung love to see them? He gripped the device tightly in his hands and set off into the garden leaving V as he went to take photos of everything. His eyes looking at the earth and the sky, taking photos of everything without feeling like he was being held down.

If he could have photos with him whenever he went off what he loved, he wouldn’t be afraid to try new things anymore. It wouldn’t be scary because he wouldn’t be alone. He could have the stars, the sun, the clouds, the sky, the flowers, his house, V, himself, and anything else that he could think of with him anywhere.

If it was printed or on this camera, he could have it any time he wanted it without having to make a fuss. He wouldn’t have to ask V if he could go outside first, he could sit at the table and see his things while he tried to do other things inside! The idea made him happy and the camera that was in his hand made him feel liberated.

Saeran wondered as if V would let him borrow his camera all the time!

—

Seasons passed and life changed just as quickly as the tides could crash against the shore of your favorite beach. It had been a few years since V had adopted Ray and ever since then, his life had been on a path that was leading him upward to the stars instead of down below to where waters lay underneath his feet.

Ray had been able to go to school and attend the same one that his dad had attended without trouble, and nobody once ever questioned him or thought twice about who he was. They all thought him to be Ray Kim, and nobody had any reason to think that he wasn’t who he said he was. They all assumed that he was who he said he was from the start and that had cleared up a lot of Ray’s fears.

It couldn’t have worked out any better. Ray had been scared to try new things for such a long time but the reality was when V gave him his first camera… It was like a whole new world of opportunity was handed to him. V spent hours showing Ray how to use his camera and he was a faster learner, constantly taking notes and tinkering with ideas that he had just as quickly as he read on what to do.

The camera meant so much to Ray that V decided to give it to him. He had the money to afford a new one, anyway, so he wasn’t too worried about that. It meant more to him that Ray had this thing that made him happy. He loved taking pictures a lot. It reminded V of when he used to use all of his time as a child drawing and painting, and when he saw that passion in Ray’s eyes that he had once seen in himself?

He realized what his mother had meant all those years ago.

She hadn’t been trying to pry into his life or make him do something she wanted. She wanted him to follow his heart. Through therapy, he was able to focus on learning that fact.

He wanted to show his mother that he could do what she did, or at least, what she tried to do. He wanted to support Ray’s dream to be an artist, to be a photographer, too.

Ray’s photos were… breathtaking and he only got better with time and practice. His skill was astounding, he was capable of tricks and feats that had taken V years to figure out on his own so it meant everything to know that giving Ray a camera had been the right thing to do. Even as he got older and studied hard, he never let go of his passion with his camera.

When he wasn’t doing his homework, or spending time with his gardening club, he was taking photos.

His skills were well-admired.

V knew that Ray had potential and he wanted to help him chase that dream even further, but he also knew that Ray’s face couldn’t be shown as the artist for now. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t worthy of a gallery with his name on it but he deserved something to prove how much his hard work meant.

He was stubborn, polite, hard-working, and determined to pay people back for kindness. He never asked V very much if he could help it. Even Jumin had commented that his son was rather selfless time and time again, jesting that he had been spending too much time with his father.

All and all, Ray had grown into an upstanding young man who had a bright future ahead of him, even if he couldn’t have everything. He had a family and friends that cared about him, and he was so very far from the little frightened boy that he had once been. Nobody would have ever believed that the boy with mint curls was once a redhead who lived in fear, clutching to his twin like he was a lifeline.

The RFA had prospered as well, though Ray wasn’t a member of the group.

He was anxious around big parties and crowds so it was better for him to avoid that. But, he still spoke to the members that were in the group that his Dad belonged to. He liked talking to Jumin, as it turned out, they had a lot in common. Ray was polite and formal when he spoke, and Jumin’d been like that all his life. So, they hit it off great.

There had been some trips V and Jumin took, bringing Ray along with them to the countryside since he couldn’t leave Korea for his safety. Ray often spent those days staring at everything he could find and asking Jumin about the history or background of the places they traveled. He loved to learn and listen, and Jumin loved to share that with someone. It humbled V to see his friend and son get along.

Jaehee was courteous to Ray as he often was with her, though, he was the first person to ask Jumin to make fewer cat projects to quote, “not stress Miss Jaehee out.” Ray liked to talk to her because she’d always listen to whatever he was invested in. He would, in turn, listen to her talk about Zen for a while. Their friendship was built on having someone close by who knew what it felt like to want to be heard.

Speaking of Zen, the actor spent a lot of time looking out for Ray… somehow even more so than Yoosung. It might have been because Ray was awfully small for his height and if someone tried to fight him, he’d probably lose before they breathed on him. Zen was always trying to give him advice about the world and Ray took it, but everyone would correct the advice if it turned into his dating advice.

Yoosung was the closest in age to him but they didn’t have a lot in common. They would share notes and study guides often if they shared a subject in school, even though they were going to the same school, but they talked now and again about other things. They surprisingly shared a lot of recipes together and would work to make them if the RFA was in the same place for an extended period.

Rika was around, of course, and Ray didn’t mind her too much. They didn’t talk often but she always checked in on him whenever she got the chance. Her dedication to herself had done a lot of wonders for her, but she still struggled with the fear that she might hurt Ray without meaning to so she kept to a polite distance from him apart from this or that.

V himself was trying his best to be a good father. He made mistakes now and again, but he was doing his best to be there for Ray when he needed someone. Ray had even started calling Dad a long time ago without thinking twice. It was an honor to be given that name, and he would be a liar if he said he didn’t cry that night after Ray went to bed. They spent a long time trying to be sure that bond was tried and true.

Ray had the life that his brother always wanted for him… with one exception to the very rule, he wasn’t in it. Saeyoung wasn’t in his life. He was trapped within the agency and the promise that he had made, but he still thought to this day that his promise was worth it. V couldn’t ever tell him anything about Ray the few fleeting times they got to talk about things on the phone, but he did know that the “cat” was doing better than ever.

Life was different.

But, at the same time, life was better than it had ever been.

However, as he thought about how sad it was that the boys couldn’t see each other, the gears in his brain began to churn. He wanted the boys to have a chance for something, but to give them a chance, he would have to be careful about what he did. As he looked out the window of his kitchen to the backyard, he saw Ray taking photos again, laying in the glass as he stared at the sky once again.

Could he give Ray and Saeyoung a gift at the same time?

V would have to think deeply about this.

—

Seven had received a simple invitation in the mail that wasn’t labeled and wasn’t decorated. It was a mint-colored letter that told him who it was from but wouldn’t reveal to Vanderwood, his handler, that it was a message from someone that he cared about. He had to wait a few days to open it because he had just moved into his new house and Vanderwood had to help him set up a lot of things.

When he opened the letter, he’d been surprised to see that it was a decorated invitation to visit V’s upcoming art exhibition. He was supposedly showing off new works that he had done as well as the works of his new assistant that had just joined him. That didn’t strike him as odd at first, but what did stand out was the message that V penned at the bottom of the letter.

There was just one sentence.

The cat will be there on display. — V

Seven was able to put two and two together. He realized that V was implying that his twin was going to be showing off art for the first time, underneath a pseudonym, of course, but he didn’t once think that his brother would be able to do something like that. He had no idea of the life his twin was living, what he did, what he loved, who he was now, or what it meant to be a part of his life the way that V was.

That was just it… he wasn’t apart of Saeran’s life. He was just his brother that had to leave him, and that was it. He hadn’t seen him in years and a part of him wanted badly to know how he was doing and what he was doing with his life, and this alone should’ve been enough to make him be sure that Saeran was safe and happy.

But, his stomach twisted in knots as he realized that he wanted to go. He wanted to go there and see Saeran in person if he could. It wasn’t a good idea, it was a dangerous idea, but the more he thought about his brother, the more he felt like he needed to see him. He didn’t want to risk any part of Saeran’s new life.

He didn’t want to be the wrench that destroyed everything that Saeran had, because if V was able to do these kinds of things for him, then that meant he was happy. It meant that he had nice ways of living now, and that he had anything he could ever want. It seemed good to know that much, at the very least. He stared at that invitation for the longest time.

He didn’t know what to do with himself because he was between wanting to go to see what he looked like all grown up and happy, but the other part of him warned that if he went, he would risk Saeran’s life all over again. Even if he was careful and lied about everything, it might still put a target on Saeran’s back.

Seven spent a long time thinking about it.

The choice was his to make and V didn’t say that he had to go. He just made it an option that he could choose to come if he wanted. If he could come, anyway. V didn’t know certain things for his own protection. He only knew Seven’s new address for emergency reasons in case something went wrong with Saeran and they had to run through proper protocol.

Should he go and risk it all?

Or, should he stay and keep this letter as a token that Saeran was safe?

It was a big choice to make and he didn’t know the right answer, and there was nobody to ask or talk to about the answer that he wanted to make. Nobody could make it for him and he had to do it on his own. That’s what he always had to do. He always had to decide things that were above his pay grade… it was the price of being the big brother, he always told himself.

In the end, Seven decided to risk it.

He made a plan for it and worked himself into the ground for days ahead of time so he would have a day off. Those didn’t come very often and Vanderwood wouldn’t bother him as long as the work got done. If he didn’t, they would drop by and remind him what was at risk if they’d shirked off when they didn’t need to. When they weren’t supposed to. Their lives were on the line and that was the truth.

The agency had never been like the movies.

It was much, much worse.

This wasn't the kind of life or you could just hack something and get paid for it. They did expect him to be able to do things without a single question. He was expected to absorb information like a sponge and that was all he had to do. If he couldn't keep up with everything that they planned out for him, then it would just end poorly. It would end the same way that Vanderwood had been telling him… in his death.

He didn't plan on dying anytime soon if he had anything to say about it. He was going to keep living because he needed to. There was no other choice in his heart. His brother needed him to be alive and that was the only way it had to be. It was the only way he was going to let it be. He was doing this so he could have the last bit of motivation in his heart to know that he was doing the right thing.

He kept telling himself that if he saw Saeran just one more time…

Just one more time.

It would never happen again and he would never let it be that way. It was a selfish desire because he had already wasted a lot of time by waiting until late that morning with his brother all those years ago. He couldn't leave his brother in the middle of the night. His brother was afraid of being alone in the dark and he waited for sunrise because if he could do anything that day, it would be to leave his brother feeling hopeful instead of the gotten.

He knew that it was going to take some time for them to be able to remove his twin brother from that place. It wasn't going to be easy and it wasn't going to be simple. He knew that it could take weeks for them to be able to remove him.

To leave Saeran was to break his heart. The only thing that he could offer him that last day was the sunrise. He wanted to be able to wash it with him but if his twin knew that he was leaving, he would have tried to come along. He couldn't let that happen. He could have never told him no and that's why he left the way he did.

Seven disguised himself the day of the event. If there was one thing he learned in the agency, it was how to dress himself up and look so unlike himself that he could wander around without fearing people recognizing him. He did have a few favorite disguises that he liked to wear. Even though the agency had forced him to do this because he was young and young people were easy to blend in with the crowd, he had been able to learn that he actually really liked dressing up. He never would have known that before this.

There was just something very validating about being able to dress up. It made him feel good about himself which didn't happen very often. The fact that he had this skill was definitely a comfort because if he was going to break all of the rules, he wanted to make sure that he was going to be safe. Anything that would stop him from putting his brother in danger was going to be for the best.

The gallery show was being held at the same place that he met V. He knew exactly where it was and he knew how to get there. For him to be able to confront it, he decided that the best way for him to handle it was to drive halfway there, and then walk the rest of the distance and get a taxi if he needed it. He was already covering his appearance but he wasn't going to take any chances with someone tracking him. He could never leave any loose ends for himself.

It took a little bit longer to get there, but he was able to get there in just the nick of time.

Seven allowed himself to catch his breath as he stood in the doorway and looked around the room. There was definitely a crowd that'd come to see the show, so it was hard to tell as to where everyone would be. He drew in this short breath and looked around again, trying to spot his brother in the sea of people. He felt dejected when he didn't see him, but he saw V after some scanning and found himself pausing to see what he would do.

"Thank you all for coming today, I hope that you are able to enjoy the collections of work that has been displayed today. What I have been working on myself pales in comparison to my assistant, they prefer to remain out of sight for their privacy, of course, but they want you to enjoy their collection with an open mind. Every artist puts their heart and soul into what they capture, and the reflection on the canvas is just the feeling that you can define for yourself. Whatever you see is what is in front of you. The same feeling that the artist feels when they decide to convey their emotions."

The crowd gave their gentle affirmation in response and cheered for his words. Though, Seven met his eyes and the man smiled back at him. It took away some of the anxiety that he was feeling. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to take the risk?

As the crowds dispersed and began to look around, Seven decided he would do the same thing. After all, nobody would know him underneath this long wig and costume, and since he hadn't seen Saeran, he wanted to see his photos. He managed to find where they were located in the gallery after passing what he knew to be V's unmistakable photos of the sky. He always felt really good whenever he saw those photos of the Galaxy, but he wasn't looking for that today.

The photos shifted from the stars to something else entirely, something he didn't expect to see. The first photo he saw was of the sky… unlike the stars in V's hands, this was the clouds. It was the bluest sky he had ever seen. The clouds were arranged in a pattern that looked like fruits to him, like a strawberry. Saeran had always loved the blue sky… this had to be one of his photos.

If he stepped some more forward, he would find a photo of all kinds of scenery. There were sprawling fields of flowers, beaches filled with shells, lakes and the lily pads that bathed them, even expansive gardens that looked ripe with love and care. It was overwhelming to see all of these photos because they were places that his brother had always wanted to see. It overwhelmed him to see it. Each one of those photographs was labeled with Assistant. It was all by Saeran's hand.

His twin had been able to capture everything that he saw. It was like standing next to his brother as he was able to experience these things for the first time. He missed out on seeing his brother's face for the first time when he got to witness all of this, but seeing all of these photos gave him a chance to have that experience firsthand. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

When he came to the end of the hall, he found the last photo.

It was a photo of a single red flower. He leaned over to look at the caption to see what it was called, this one was named Gladiolus. He didn't know that word. Was it the flower? Did it stand for something? It was such an intense looking flower. It made him question the feeling that he was experiencing.

"Gladiolus, named for the Latin gladius, meaning sword. In Rome, they stood for the gladiators that fought valiantly with their brothers in arms. They symbolize strength and integrity. In some cases, they can also mean remembering a Fallen Friend, or thinking of someone who meant everything to you," a humble voice spoke from the side as Seven stood there in front of the photograph.

"Interesting," Seven said, as he turned his head to meet V's gaze. Couldn't alright say what he was thinking. "Does that mean that this…"

V smiled. "Gladiolus grows often in my growing garden these days. My assistant cherishes them dearly because they’re a reminder of someone who he hasn't forgotten since the day he had to move on without them. There are plenty of portraits of flowers here, some of their meanings are listed underneath the photographs. Feel free to look at them all. I'd say this one is the most striking, though."

This flower was dedicated to his older brother… It was a photograph meant to truly symbolize Saeyoung. Saeran hadn't forgotten about him. It had been his biggest fear that his brother would move on and forget about him. Even though he tried to live without thinking about his brother in the life he was living now, he selfishly wished that his brother would still think of him fondly, if not kindly, but at most fondly.

Despite everything, his brother still thought of him after all these years.

V silently stepped to the side and Seven looked beyond him to see what he had been blocking. Across from him and on the other side of the room stood his twin brother, his hair now dyed a minty shade, and green contacts obscured his golden eyes, but there was no mistake. His brother was smiling and laughing alongside those closest to V, those that were in the RFA that V had told him all about.

Jumin Han and Jaehee Kang were conversing with Saeran, while Zen and Yoosung Kim had their hands on his shoulders, being the ones in the room who made him laugh. That was the thing he could see from his vantage point as the crowds were moving in and out of the way. But, there was no doubt about what he saw.

It looked like a family.

Seven felt his eyes welling up with thick tears for the first time in a very long time. He knew he was crying but he couldn't stop it. Saeran looked happy and free and it was all thanks to his Dad, V. He was speechless at that moment and he didn't know what to say. He rubbed furiously at his eyes but it did nothing to quell the tears.

This was all he ever wanted for his twin brother.

"I bought this painting for you," V broke his train of thought by saying something. "This is yours, after all. I know that you can't have any more than this, but that doesn't mean that you can't have a piece of him with you. It's very common for the people that you know to collect, isn't it? Who's to say that you weren't interested in collecting? Think of it as my gift."

Seven wanted nothing more than to hug V at that moment. He couldn't make a scene or be recognizable in any way, but he felt like the man understood what he was trying to say and convey. "Thank you, V… thank you. I don't know what to say."

Their time had run out as an alarm began to react on Seven's phone. V pressed his hand to his shoulder and nodded at him, "Even if the rest of the world tries hard to keep my sons separated, I'll do everything in my power to make sure that they can have a piece of each other to hold onto no matter where they are in the world."

"Your assistant has a very bright future, foster his skills," he smiled back at him despite the pain. He watched as V headed back to the little group with their family. Saeran hugged V and said something that Seven couldn't hear, but the happiness on his face was telling enough. Laughter and all sorts of things spread between them. The group began to talk amongst themselves and by the time that V turned around to see where Seven was, the lonely hacker was gone again.

Just as quickly as he had appeared.

As was the photo of Gladiolus.

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writingonjorvik · 4 years ago

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Jorvegian Myth: Aideen Is Dead

That's a big claim (and kinda an overdone one in fandom) so let's just get into the reasoning. Spoilers for the most recent quests under the cut.

We've known for a while that Aideen hasn't intervened with, anything on Jorvik really, for a really long time. This started me on two theories on why that might be. Generally, I don't believe Aideen is the only entity of her kind. If that was the case, what about the rest of Earth? Aideen is only described as to have saved Jorvik, but what about the rest of the world? Did is not die? Was is just left alone to recover from Jorvik's survival? This gets supported by a comment Ydris made in the most recent quests if the MC chooses to say that they have faith in Aideen. Ydris laughs at the comment, implies Aideen is unreliable, and suggests putting your faith somewhere else. I'll address the fact that she's unreliable to him later, and just point out that this implies there are other entities to put one's faith in in Ydris's mind.

The assumption then was that either a) Aideen is like a Shinto kami or b) she can no longer be corporal because she was wounded/killed. In the instance of situation a, Aideen can't help Jorvik because there isn't enough faith in her and/or the land has become too wounded. In situation b, which I'm finding more likely, she can't intervene because she's dead. In either situation, I think this better sets up narrative agency for the MC but I will get to that in a bit.

We know that Aideen now is in all living things. She's basically the Force and this reveal from the Catherine quests has been widely debated in the community. However, we also know she had to be, at some point, corporeal. If for no other reason than the fact that we have physical depictions of Aideen, Aideen had to, at some point, be physical enough for people to have the legend of a girl coming to the island, riding over its waters, and healing it (likely started by Fripp and the JWHs). This fact is consistent so far with all three versions of the creation myth of Jorvik. So how did Aideen go from a physical form to an incorporeal one?

The answer actually fits into the myth that seems to be the basis of the Soul Riders, a myth I covered forever ago on this blog: a variant on the myth of the Triple Goddess and her fourth form. Most of you probably know the Triple Goddess myth, Maiden, Matron, Crone/Matriarch. It is a highly prominent goddess archetype in Celtic and Norse mythos, which SSO has always drawn from. But the Triple Goddess excludes a fourth Soul Rider, the Lightning Circle in particular, unless you include her fourth form. The Tempest. And the Tempest is the dead version of the Triple Goddess and the wild magic that came out of it.

So to return to the point, both things are true about Aideen. She did come through with Fripp as an incredibly powerful entity on a cosmic scale, likely to deal with Garnok. In healing Jorvik though (and potentially binding it to Pandoria), Jorvik needed more power to restore itself so that one day it could be cut off from Pandoria again. And Aideen's life force was enough to do that. So Aideen, after gifting Jorvik with horses and the Soul Riders and magic, gave herself to become the life force of the island. She died but her power lives on in the island, feeding it so one day it can survive alone once more. And that's Fripp's job to solve on how to separate. But now that she's dead, like Ydris said, she's not exactly a reliable source to call on.

This I feel is more supported by the comic @ellipuukangas just released with SSO. We see Aideen in a corporeal state here. But the text is what interests me. "Seeds of a dead world." Jorvik was dead, it was a dead rock, that's been in the Jorvegian and witches' creation myth. "Life and death at once." The two are inseparable, trading spaces. Jorvik's survival for Aideen's life. One has to die for the other to live. All magic comes with a price. Fripp has been the biggest proponent of that mantra. Aideen, his friend whom he traveled to Jorvik with, gave her life so that Jorvik would live. He knows the real risk of magic more than anyone because he say the greatest price paid. (There's a whole aside to have here that this specific event might be what shattered Fripp's memory because PTSD can do fun stuff to memory, but not the point now.)

As to how this all comes back to the story now, I think it sets up the opportunity for a better version of the "Aideen is in everything, so everyone is special." Because that message is rather mixed in this medium. I've talked about it before, so briefly, the MC has lacked a lot of agency in the story. They don't have any powers that we as players can actively control and they rely rather heavily on coordinating others to get things done. Which is more of a book hero than a video game hero. The one thing the MC had going for them was that they were Aideen reborn/champion/whatever and the Catherine quests took that away. They made everyone special. Which, grand scale, is an ok message and it sets up for more multiplayer focused narratives, but it takes away the importance of agency and choice for the player themself.

Yes, everyone is special and unique, but there are people who choose to be more. Who drive themselves to be better, to do better, to make a difference. Who stand for the fact that all things are special and therefore deserve the right to live. And the choice to go beyond should be what sets the MC apart, not above, but apart, from Catherine. And that's the same thing Aideen would have done. That some have to sacrifice more so all people can live in peace.

I think Aideen, along with her gifts, foresaw her death has being required to save Jorvik. And in doing so she created a challenge, a series of trials. Someone who was incredibly in tune with her magic, like Catherine and the MC, could choose to take up the mantle of Aideen, could take on these challenges, to become her chosen, to become the solution to Fripp's quest to free Jorvik, and the one would who defeat Garnok. And the choice to accept that destiny is what makes the MC different from Catherine. Catherine choose to reject destiny, to reject that mantle. She didn't want to be a chosen one, she didn't even really want to be a Soul Rider. She wanted to be loved and to love, and she finished that with Justin. However, the MC can choose to take up that challenge and both what Catherine said can be true along with allowing the player to maintain that agency.

Aideen may have died, but her power lives on. Her gift wasn't destiny, it was freedom. But sacrifice is required to maintain freedom from pure chaos. That is the choice of the Keepers, of the Soul Riders, and that the MC has to make. Someone has to make that sacrifice for the rest of Jorvik to survive. That was Aideen's choice, now it's the player's.

#sso #star stable online #star stable #starstableonline #starstable #woj theories #woj writing #ssoblr #sso blr

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bl-garbage · 4 years ago

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to dance is to unshackle

um, okay—how else do i express this buoyant happiness that Gaya sa Pelikula has awoken inside me? i’m in complete and utter awe. i did not expect a drop of what the sixth episode has brought us. more than satisfying, it’s utterly fascinating. this is quite a lengthy post, but if you have the time, please bear with me. and since we’re already here, let’s fucking dissect the shit out of this:

right off the bat, it’s sweet how consistently written Vlad was the entire time of the show. at the start of the episode, for one, he was concerned with Karl’s disposition, saying, “anong iniisip mo (what are you thinking)?” and, later on, as we know, he pops that question again in this episode. what are you thinking? always in limbo. true, it’s considerate, yet more than that, it’s always a sign of waiting for permission. Vlad has been like this since the beginning: observant and willing to reach out, confident on the surface, yes, but always afraid of going overboard.

that is not to say that Karl isn’t. in fact, the whole dynamics of their relationship rest on the fact that they can lean on each other and just be honest. many moments show this: Karl’s desire to shift; Vlad not getting into the film lab and Karl knowing something was up; the entirety of Vlad’s birthday; Karl and Vlad’s reticence to open up to Anna, in contrast with how comfortable they feel with each other. in a nutshell, they’re each other’s homes. more on this later.

the part i was most frightened at with this episode was when Karl finally told his parents his desire to shift. to be honest, personally, i wouldn’t know exactly how that pressure on Karl feels, as i was able to study the degree i wanted. yet, back then, i had already known that my parents, who wholly supported me just the same, would have wanted a degree that leaned on science or engineering. that still sucked to know. Karl’s situation is much more complicated. his desire to shift to another course is to make up for lost time, a sense of hurrying before it really becomes all too late. this was a heavy lot to take in. the disappointment and anger in his father’s face when he dropped the bomb was too much to handle. Karl had expected it, yet its impact still hurled shrapnel that he was not able to dodge, sustaining him with several wounds. it would be curious to see how his parents come to terms with his confession. i am certain that a number of people have connected with Karl here.

which brings me to another point. Gaya sa Pelikula creates these characters with their own agency. it’s touted as a BL series, yes, but our two main characters’ point is actually not to fall in love — but to live, part of which is to fall in love. they have their hopes and dreams and own burdens to carry, and while falling in love takes centerstage here, we see how they can stand alone, on their own two feet. falling in love is central to their growth, but it is evident that love is not the whole point of their existence.

speaking of which: ate judit. ah, yes, where do i even begin to explain the exquisiteness with which ate judit was written? how, after all of five episodes, it was only now did it make sense why judit was overly, unnaturally caring and protective, a mama bear that would not let anything happen to his little Vlad. now we know why: guilt.

imagine that. being told you were the reason why your whole family went into shambles. there is much vindication in Vlad’s line of questioning, “why would you say that to a child?” (god, i’m tearing up even as i write this.) this was a pivotal scene, with a focal point on judit, the likes of whom we cannot entirely fault for not knowing any better. the fact remains that we are still in an era that fails to understand the spectrum of gender identities and the far utopia that we seek, where gender and sex would not be a damning classification anymore. and for true allies, it is in admitting that they “didn’t know then what [they] know now” that their support gains more strength. it is in confessing where they got wrong, how harmful their actions were, and in the commitment to do more, that their promise is made good.

parenthetically, can we talk about Vlad’s mom as well? have you all noticed how her voice broke when she said, “siguraduhin mong hindi ka na itatanggi niyan, ha (just make sure he won’t deny you, okay)?” was that pain, or guilt even? i wonder if we’re ever going to see her. it would be a regret not to. for so long Vlad had thought that he was the reason his father left, and that his mother was mad at his queerness. i wouldn’t want this simple call to be the resolution that the show had for him. at any rate, we have two more episodes to await, so i am not going to strike my gavel on this judgment just yet.

but whereas Vlad found his longtime coming reconciliation with his sister, Karl had no one to turn to. his call to Vlad was a cry for help. it was heartbreaking to see him like this. Karl had always put up a fake smile against any adversity that had come his way. to him, these were trivial matters that would pass, and they did so — until now. after all he was, as we would later come to know, living a script that had been prewritten before he even came to being. that explains his nonchalant demeanor toward life, the seeming discontent behind those dead eyes, and a repeated hinting that he was always yearning for so much more. at the end of the call, Karl instinctively goes to the closet - and his proverbial closet - and sees the skeletons he had hidden inside, drop in a mess.

that it was Karl’s brother who was in the photo shook me. that past was so well thought out. things made so much sense in this episode: why Karl tried to fit in, why everything seemed so fake. why he was so discomforting to watch, even! that made sense now.

and what do you do when everything has become a mess? the once seamless film that had been rolling without any glitches now sprawled on the floor, entangled in a hodgepodge well beyond fixing. when that happens, what do you do? well, you dance.

i have so many things to say about faux masculinity. it is a fact undisputed that in this society, gender roles are still very much pillars that we have yet to dismantle. our genders have been geared toward performativity, and our consolation is the external validation we receive through the acts of fitting in. in the process, we lose sight of what we really want. we blur the lines between what is and what should be, in favor of what society has demanded upon us. Karl took that role and lived by it religiously. yet, those things has gone haywire in this episode. more than his parents, it was to himself that Karl has finally admitted that the act can be dropped now: the fixed posture, those rehearsed lines, that painfully faux masculinity, on guard all the fucking time. all of those things were dropped.

that is not to say that Karl was faking all of it. there is no denying that Karl has been a masculine person most of the time. but the show portrayed before us a discarded femininity that Karl had been trying to bury deep inside him — one that all people who have been and who are still in the closet know by heart. the thing is, all of us have masculine and feminine sides, the expression of which vary at different levels in different situations. sadly, we have been preconditioned to believe that male persons must be masculine, and female persons must be feminine. Gaya sa Pelikula acknowledges this hegemony, and then throws it away all the same. true, Karl may very well be comfortable in his masculine expression, but his femininity must also be allowed to grow. one cannot be complete without embracing the entirety of who they are. many have died — been killed — for simply living who they are. society has long been a vicious environment. but people have also long fought for their fundamental right to perform these things, and through them, we know that things can change. that things are changing.

it is against this context that imprints more meaning, more gravity to when we finally, finally see Karl dance. in every sense, his dance was the show’s climax for me. it is, quite emphatically, freedom incarnate.

when i say i fucking bawled at this scene, you best believe it.

quite important to note: when Karl sees Vlad, he stopped abruptly, only for Vlad to signal to him, in an OK sign, that what he was doing was perfectly fine. that Karl could be effeminate all he wants, and who the hell in this earth should care? this allowance has given Karl all the needed validation he will ever need, at least, for that one night where they could bare it all. it was only the two of them, but the house has never been more crowded, because their feelings have seemingly exploded and have been overflowing in a glorious climax for all of us to witness. in this scene, Karl has unshackled the chains with which he had been bound all that time, and it was Vlad who helped him finally break the last of those chains. in this moment, there was only pure bliss.

(that the song playing here was Ride Home by ben&ben is the perfect giveaway. for non-Filipino readers who have only listened to ben&ben now, check this band out. it’s one of the best bands to have ever come out of the Philippine music industry.)

and, of course, in this waterfall of emotions, it is only perfect to time the moment of their first kiss. they have accepted each other, haven’t they? in a meaningful act (the gravity of which we will only realize in full later when Vlad tells the story of his dad), Karl rumpled Vlad’s hair, but only after Vlad had already consented to it. then, afterward, it was Vlad’s turn to ask, what are you thinking? to which Karl had this—and i know we all expected it, nevertheless—to say: i don’t want to think anymore. then they kissed.

i swear to god. i only watched this for the 92432475781 time.

the denouement was so well put, too: now everything is put back into its own place. Karl’s brother. his death. his parents’ expectations. the substitution. Vlad’s father. his parents’ expectations. the horror of realizing one’s difference. the abandonment. in these stories, it becomes more and more permissible to believe that Karl and Vlad have easily found comfort in each other. to say that they are soulmates (as the creator, juan miguel severo, told on his twitter) is not an exaggeration.

and, make no mistake: Karl and Vlad did not find each other’s embraces out of pity. no. it would be unduly harsh to view them that way. rather, they found solace in each other’s embrace and warmth, but it is still they who will muster the courage to face their own demons. the only difference is, they now have each other to find some sort of release. they are not destructively dependent on each other; instead, they help each other grow into the versions of themselves that they can be proud of.

finally, a couple of small things: look at the way Karl was inviting Vlad to lie in bed with him. that simple gesture harks us back to the early days of their dynamics: Vlad had expressed that it was okay to share a bed, but Karl was adamant that they do not. Karl had once dreamed of Vlad joining him there, and that scared him shitless. in contrast to that, now we have this: Karl himself inviting Vlad, and Vlad accepting for Karl’s wholehearted invitation. the moment this happened, there was a consummation of the expression of their love. if they had their doubts prior to this, those could not have been more obliterated now.

needless to say, i fucking, fucking loved this. as one who has only ever written three fanfics (2gether and History 2!), all of which seemingly related to sleeping (what the fuck, do i have a sleep fetish or something), this ending to episode 6 is just the cherry on top.

their lines by the end particularly strike me. here we have Karl who wishes to create his own stories. on the other hand is Vlad who wishes that he be in charge of the endings, too. how do they do that? who knows? but the certainty that defines their pact is that they shall do it together, unbound and free to dance to the song they have chosen of their own accord. and that simple promise, made in each other’s tight embrace under artificially warm lights amid that early january weather, with no certainty at all of what tomorrow has to bring, has made all the difference.

in 34 minutes, Gaya sa Pelikula has, yet again, done more than we could have ever expected.

i just checked and this reached 2k words. i’m not even gonna attempt to proofread this anymore. anyway, this is all i have to say for now. i just simply cannot let go of the best episode i’ve seen in this show without expressing my own reaction to it.

(also: i’m thinking of writing a fanfic; that is, the morning after. just a one-shot, hopefully a cute one. as usual, an introspection of these characters, and what lies ahead. hope i actually get to write it!)

thank you so much, Gaya sa Pelikula. you are proof that things do change.

#gaya sa pelikula #ian pangilinan #paolo pangilinan #juan miguel severo #fanfic ideas have been brewing inside me #char #bl series #philippines #philippine bl series

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kybervisions · 4 years ago

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slight obsessions [bucky]

summary: after months of obsessing over a senator, bucky is given the opportunity to save her. he then visits her in the hospital

author’s note: warning, warning, this will feature aspects of the u.s government,,, \\ lil bit of fluff and mentions of torture ,, just a kidnapped senator and bucky pining ,, requests are open :)

The security footage of your kidnapping at the fundraiser was leaked to the media. Millions watched as a prominent U.S senator was ambushed and drugged before being dragged into an unmarked vehicle. Bucky’s heart ached. “We’ll find her,” Sam, well-aware of Bucky’s infatuation with you, promised his friend.

Bucky was unprepared to find you in the state that you were, bloody and bruised. There was a cut above your eyebrow and blood dripped down your face. Your skin was riddled with red and purple. The metal cuffs around your wrists and ankles dug into your skin and caused you to bleed. There was track marks on your arms and your knee didn’t look too good either.

You looked nearly unrecognizable — almost nothing like the senator that so adamantly advocated for his pardon.

“Captain?” You mutterly weakly, barely recognizing the two figures near the doorway. The drugs they pumped into you fucked with your vision and made you feel absolutely sick. You could barely keep your eyes open. Everything hurt and you shivering from the lack of warmth.

Sam quickly ran past Bucky and his fingers searched for a pulse on your neck. Weak, but it was something. Once up close, Sam could see the multitude of track marks on your skin and his fingers gently touched them, causing you to cry, something that completely shocked you. Zemo had stopped giving you water a few days ago.

“We’re going to get you out of here, senator,” Sam pulled out a Widow’s Bite, which he had secretly stolen from Natasha, and used the electricity within the bite to override the power source of the cuffs.

When the cuffs opens, you were released from the vertical interrogation chair. Before you fell on the concrete floor, Bucky quickly reached out to catch you.

“Fuck!” You shouted and startled Bucky. You bit your lip in an attempt to silence your pain. After weeks of absolute hell, you were sensitive to touch. Tears filled your eyes and you weren’t strong enough to hold them back. “It hurts,” You whimpered. You felt sick. Cold and weak and wanting to puke but having nothing in your stomach to regurgitate.

A protectiveness he had not felt since before the war consumed Bucky. Seeing you so weak and in pain filled him with both anger and the need to make you feel better. Your big, soft, and tear-filled eyes awakened his primal instinct to defend and protect.

He acknowledged there was still something wrong with him, because even in the state that you were in, Bucky wanted nothing more than to press his lips against yours and hold you against him.

For a short second, while looking down into your eyes, the world was quiet.

“C’mon, man,” Sam urged them. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be in here when the timer goes off,”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky agreed. “Um, can you run?” He looked down at you again. You were smaller in person. The television must make everyone look like titans. On the screen, you had such a larger than life presence. Whether it was asking questions during committee hearings or speaking out against a bill, you were imposing.

“She can barely stand,” Sam answered before you. With all the drugs in your system, you were nearly unresponsive. “Pick her up and let's go!”

Once they reached the C.I.A medical facility, Sharon told a room full of reporters that the senator had been found and was being examined by professionals. She did not give too much information, which was typical for intelligence agencies.

By “being examined by professionals”, Sharon meant you were undergoing surgery because whatever was injected into your body caused you to go under septic shock. She omitted that part, not wanting to give the public further cause to worry.

After the surgery, only family was allowed to enter your hospital room. Some of your staff was able to bypass that rule. You were still recovering, but your top aide, Winnie, had begun planning your first public appearance.

“You’re a certified badass now,” Winnie informed you, and it made you chuckle. Winnie had been by your side since you were a congressional freshman and you loved them to death. “The corpses will have to show you actual respect now,” They smiled, referring to your coworkers as corpses gives them a bit of joy.

“I’m sure Stern will find a reason to call me a traitor to the country,” You replied. Your strong opposition of the intelligence agencies earned you a lot of enemies.

“Yeah, well, he’ll — ”

The door had opened and there stood a “Hi, sorry. I, uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Bucky stopped at the doorway. He was holding a small bouquet of your favorite flowers and scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact.

“Sergeant Barnes,” You smiled. Bucky looked to you, and he’d never seen or heard anything as beautiful. He had heard you say his name a thousand time over, but hearing it in person was just swell.

“Bucky’s jus’ fine, senator,” Bucky returned a toothy grin. You swear you had died and gone to heaven. He was even more beautiful in person.

“Bucky,” There was a shine in your eyes when you said his name. His name sounded so pretty coming from your mouth.

“O-kay,” Winnie chuckled and their eyes bounced between yourself and the soldier, who was just a few feet away from them. “I’ll be back tomorrow to hash out the details,” They turned to look at you and gave you a small peck on your head. “Be careful,” It was a warning.

Bucky stepped into the room, allowing Winnie to easily slip out.

Now that the blood and dirt had been washed out, Bucky could truly admire how striking you were. You were glowing. There were still bruises and healing wounds but they didn’t diminish your beauty.

He set the flowers on the visitor’s chair.

“I wanted to properly thank you and Mr. Wilson for saving my life,” You told him. He took a few more steps towards you. “W-Winnie has a press conference planned once I’m discharged, and there might be a Medal of Freedom in your future, after the Congressional Gold Medal, of course,”

“What?”

“Yeah,” You smiled. “It took a little bit of convincing but the bastard caved eventually,”

Of course you had recommended him, and Sam, for such prestigious awards. It was further proof that he had been vindicated from the dark part of his history. You helped profoundly in his path to finally accepting himself, and for that, he would always love you.

When the nightmares returned, Bucky would rewatch your old speeches for the campaign to pardon him. He felt pathetic — having to listen to a woman he had never met before passionately advocate for his freedom in order to feel better. You saw him as human, worthy of forgiveness.

“I know they’re practically worthless in the age of superheroes, but I thought I would be nice,”

It would be nice. “Thank you,” His smile slowly faded as the conversation took a serious turn. “For everything, the campaign and the pardon and now these medals,” A breathy chuckle escaped. “I...you never attended the ceremony,” He commented on your absence during his pardon. It had plagued his mind for countless nights.

“I wasn’t invited,” You chuckled at the irony of it — having spent months working for his freedom only to not be present to watch it happen. “A picture leaked of me at a protest in college and they thought it would be too controversial for me to attend,” You shrugged it off.

Ensuring Bucky’s freedom was all that mattered. Your acknowledgement was not important to you in the greater scope of things.

“I’ll make sure you get invited this time,” Maybe you could give a speech before he’s awarded the medal. He could finally be present to hear you praise him.

Bucky’s eyes lingered on your lips. Your nervousness returned. There was a distinct look in his eyes that terrified and excited you all the same.

“Senator, time for your medication,” A nurse entered the room and pushed a cart with her. There was an IV set, some pills, and a cup of water on the cart and all that medicine made Bucky feel anxious.

He was well aware of the dangers of so much medicine and he was scared. He couldn’t afford to lose you now. Not when he finally has you within his grasp.

“The pills help with the pain and the IV gives me nutrients,” You noted the panicked look on Bucky’s face when he saw the cart. “Or so they claim,” You looked at the nurse, who was not entertained by your accusatory comment.

“I should head out,” Bucky nodded. “And allow your drugs to be administered in peace,” You laughed, and he was quite proud of that.

Feeling bolder, Bucky took a few final steps toward you. You offered your hand and he lightly held your wrist, stilled bruised, and bowed down to kiss your hand. It was a small and sweet gesture, but it left you an absolute mess. You held your breath and felt your heart in your throat.

Bucky admired you once more before leaving the room. He nearly memorized how you radiated in spite of the harsh cold white light that illuminated the hospital. In that moment, he was certain you’d be his.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #marvel imagine #winter solider x y/n #marvel one shot

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pynkhues · 3 years ago

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(1/2) Hey, I'm the anon from the last request. Just have a few follow up q's if you're alright with that (dont have a tumblr to message directly rip)? With Gerri, its strange that she's Shiv's godmother yet both Shiv and Roman dont really know her in the pilot- was there a prior schism? Also did not know about St Andrews, if its not a military school then do you think it adds another layer to the dog kennel story?

(2/2- sorry!) I get what you mean when you say he also coddles Roman but to me its the emotional detachment thats striking. Like in the car post-slapgate, its obvs awks from the slap but they also don't seem to have natural connection or conversation vs Logan and car scenes with the others. There's also the references to him beating Roman (not to say he didn't beat the others but its only Roman mentioned). I think in s3, his new status as fave son might bring up some old wounds for Roman.

(x)

Hey! Ooo, these are really great follow ups, thank you! I hope you don't mind me breaking them into sections!

Is it strange that Shiv and Roman don't really know Gerri well in the pilot?

It is strange, but I also think it's just the result of a few things being shuffled around post-pilot. Pilots are usually shot months if not a whole year before the first season is as the point of them is to sell the network on the show. In that sense, they're effectively proof-of-concept tools and so it's common for things to change. I'm not sure if you're a crossover anon, haha, but I talk a lot about Good Girls as well, and the pilot of that even had a completely different lead actress they had to do re-shoots around for 1.01.

Jesse Armstrong, the Succession showrunner, has said that a few things were shuffled around after the pilot – one of the biggest things for instance is that Roman wears a wedding ring in the pilot and Grace is supposed to be his wife (she's even listed as Grace Roy in 1.01 on IMDB!) and Isla their daughter together. They changed that after the pilot though because they thought it worked better with Grace as just his girlfriend, and Isla as Grace's daughter, not his.

I think Gerri's role in the show really bulked up between the pilot and episode 2, and that's why there's more distance between the Roy kids and Gerri in the first couple of episodes than there is later in the season. Gosh, even the fact that she's not at Logan's 80th birthday party in the pilot feels so weird now with how much they've shifted her role in the family, haha.

Rest of the answers under the cut!

Does St. Andrew's not being a military school when Roman attended add another layer to the dog kennel plot?

Yeah, I think it does, but I also think more than anything, it's reiterating what's already there. That entire subplot is really steeped in how Kendall, Roman and Connor all have different memories of this same game. For Roman it's formative, for Kendall it's just a memory of a childish game, and for Connor, it's seen as through older eyes and, more than anything, an insight into their father, not an insight into Roman and Kendall.

In a lot of ways, Roman stressing that St Andrew's was a military school when it wasn't undermines his own memory of the game, just as Connor telling him it wasn't dogfood it was chocolate cake does, just as Connor telling him he asked to be sent away does. Does that make it any less real for Roman? I don't think so. It's obviously something he's remembered as traumatic, and it resulted in a very real, tangible removal of him from Manhattan, where Kendall and Shiv stayed and went to school. Regardless of whether or not it was military school, it was a boarding school, and I think that feeling of distance and isolation was likely very real.

I'm really curious though about Connor's different stories to Kendall and Roman. He tells Roman that he asked to be sent away, and Kendall that their dad sent Roman because you separate fighting dogs and you send the weak one away so that everyone knows the hierarchy. The interesting thing though to me is that I think Connor was telling the truth in both instances, but the former does make the latter read differently.

If Roman wanted to go, it undermines Connor's memory of Logan, because Logan was not only giving Roman what he wanted, but he was giving Roman greater freedom, greater independence, greater agency at an outdoorsy boarding school that wasn't actually a military school at all. So does that mean that Logan saw Roman as the weak dog, or Kendall? Who he kept close and on a short leash in the comfort of home?

Kendall obviously takes Connor at his word, but I'm not so sure that we're supposed to as an audience. I think the story can be read in a lot of different ways, and more than anything, I think it can be read as Logan understanding that Kendall and Roman were not (and are not) the same, and needed different things as children. How that can be spun though is anyone's guess.

Are Logan and Roman emotionally distant?

That's an interesting point about the emotional distance there. I think there is and there isn't? Logan obviously dotes on Shiv and pendulums between coddling, controlling and bullying Kendall, but I think both of those things are more just indicative of really different dynamics. Roman's clearly got a 'class clown' sort of personality that Logan obviously doesn't appreciate and struggles to deal with, particularly given he's a pretty humourless guy (gosh, I think a lot about the fact that one of the only times we've seen Logan actually laugh was when the kids didn't want to see their mum, haha).

In that sense though, I think Logan doesn't understand Roman. It comes back to what I said in the other post – I actually do think Logan sees Roman's strengths, and the fact that Roman doesn't utilise them is, I think to Logan, unforgivable. Logan had to claw his way out of abject poverty through whatever it was he could get, and while Shiv, Kendall and Connor lack, I think Logan looks at Roman and sees waste.

It's why he doesn't have a stomach for the jokes, or the immaturity, and I think contributes to this failure to connect emotionally because he doesn't understand Roman in the way that he understands Shiv's rebellion and Kendall's foibles.

The aftermath of him hitting Roman is interesting too, because I actually think Logan's not trying to create distance in the aftermath, I think he's trying to re-write history to preserve his sense of self. He offers the untruth to Roman as an opening – a map for them to navigate unstable and uncertain terrain, and Roman takes it and follows his lead because he doesn't know how to navigate it either.

Does that make it right or forgiveable? Absolutely not – Logan hit his son, and trying to make everyone pretend that that never happened is an awful example of gaslighting – but I also find it really indicative of the cycle of abuse. We know that Noah was horrifically abusive to Logan, as seen by the scars on his back, and I actually get the impression that Logan tried not to be abusive to his children, but sometimes was because of his temper and his health.

Like, I think when he struck Iverson in the thanksgiving ep it was the first time he'd ever raised a hand to one of his grandchildren, especially given the reaction of people, and even hitting Roman summoned a pretty huge reaction from people, and seemed not to be something Roman was prepared for. It also I think stems back to that point of Logan not knowing how to handle Roman (or Iverson!) and resorting to violence he very quickly regrets because for a man who runs the news, he very rarely utilises words.

Logan was raised in violence, and I think it's a language he's both fluent in and has tried to reject, but one he falls back on when he can no longer communicate.

It's wrong, and awful, of course, but I think it's really interesting because I think it's deliberately a part of this broader theme with the Roy's about how fractured their communication with one another is. They don't know how to connect or talk to each other, and so frequently that breaks down into violence, whether to each other or themselves or to the collateral damage - the NRPIs.

I totally agree though that I think some Thoughts around all of this is likely to resurface for Roman in season 3, especially as Logan no doubt starts to lean on him as the new heir.

#these were v meaty questions to answer haha #i've been thinking sooo much about the communication on this show it's f.a.s.c.i.n.a.t.i.n.g.#roman roy #logan roy #logan + roman #gerri kellman #kendall roy #connor roy #shiv roy #hbo succession #succession 1.08 #succession 2.06 #welcome to my ama

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hannigramficrecs · 4 years ago

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Newly Added Fics 11/29

Here’s all the fics I’ve added to my index this week! As usual, i’ve emboldened the fics I really liked and italicized the ones that are incomplete. Happy readings!

The Aesthetics of Pleasure by exarite [words: 2,056] — (AU)

Hannibal Lecter did not watch porn. If he did, though, it would certainly explain why the man waiting in line with him looked incredibly familiar.

The Natural Conclusion by exarite [words: 17,280] — (ABO)

It starts with a broken condom. It ends as it always does with Hannibal. Explosively, and with a few dead bodies as collateral.

Demonstration by HotMolasses [words: 11,660] — (ABO)

Will goes to a heat clinic but finds himself blindly following the scent of a delicious Alpha. Before he knows what's happening, he finds himself naked, bound, and gagged on an examination table that is being prepared for a medical demonstration, given by Dr. Lecter to a room full of students on how to properly treat an omega during heat.

Matched by LittleUggie [words: 48,859] — (ABO + Mpreg)

The government requires that all unmated alphas and omegas at the age of 30 must register with a matchmaking agency to be paired up and mated. After 5 years of no matches, Will finally gets called in with an extremely high match to one Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Neither of the men wanted a mate, but life doesn't always work out the way one wants...

Quatervois by stratumgermanitivum, whiskeyandspite [words: 33,226] — (ABO + Mpreg)

Will is an Omega who desires independence and freedom. Hannibal is an Alpha who finds his mind curious. They make a deal: if Will can convince Hannibal that he is worth more than breeding stock, and can go through his heat without begging for his Alpha, Hannibal will not mate him, but make him a ward instead; Will could go to college, get a job, do anything he wanted. If not, then he will be Hannibal's mate, bear pups, and accept his role. But is it really as simple as that?

Purity by PixieDust291 [words: 130,528] — (ABO + Mpreg)

Will is cast aside by his alpha and sacrificed to the Wendigo that hunts in the forest. However, after confronting the creature Will then finds himself in the home of Hannibal. The alpha lives alone and seems to have taken it upon himself to nurture Will back to health. Over time Will grows comfortable with Hannibal and slowly reveals the reasons for his abandonment. Hannibal, being a pure bred alpha of the highest caliber, is well aware of just how rare and valuable Will is and decides to take the wounded omega for himself.

De Profundis by AGlassRoseNeverFades [words: 88,471] — (ABO + Mpreg)

An Omegaverse story in which male Omegas are considered rare and precious according to society's standards. Hannibal decides he wants Will and is ready to start a family with him, regardless of whatever Will wants.

Apt Pupil by slashyrogue [words: 3,382] — (School)

Hannibal was not one for playing favorites, but he never expected Will Graham.

Lontano by cavaleira [words: 3,389] — (Outsider POV)

Five years later, Alana sees two familiar faces that she hoped to never see again.

The Escapists by whiskeyandspite — (Prison)

Will’s cellmate said nothing, and Will didn’t venture. He had been prickly enough as a lecturer, where human interaction was mandatory, and prison was not the sort of place one made friends. One either made allies or enemies, or stayed quiet enough to avoid both. Will doubted he'd be that lucky; far too easy to rile up especially when stupidity was the catalyst. Prison, Will thought absently, was similar to college.

Tell Me Your Ending by RubyBakeneko [words: 1,723] — (PWP)

Will uses his therapy hour to talk about recent changes in his fantasies. Hannibal tries to avoid spontaneously combusting in response.

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sanktagenyas · 4 years ago

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ok so i finally watched those last three episodes. i said buckle up it’s time to suffer and by the saints did i ever suffer. i just knew the darklina scenes were gonna be rough to watch. it was already rough reading the scenes as they were written in book one. i mean the darkling just shines with his intelligence in that chapter, doesn’t he? threaten the man she loves? well the other man she loves? check! tell her she betrayed you when the reality is you’ve been telling half truths all along and didn’t trust her to make her choices? check!

buddy this isn’t how you apologize. in the show itself it’s pretty much the same back and forth that leads nowhere. you lied to me! you ran off because my mother told you i’m not who i say i am without giving me a chance to explain! you’ve been lying or bending the truth since we met! YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON YOUR COUNTRY!

by that point i was just like chill the fuck out man you’re about to decimate many many countrymen and you know it. i loved that the stop they made was all about him getting revenge on the man who attempted on alina’s life, that was very unhinged of him and i was HERE for that shit but everyone else in that port? every other woman and child and man on that port? not all of them played a hand and he just went ahead and had them slaughtered without batting an eye. and it’s not like he has some kind of safeguard for grishas does he? how does he know there’s no grisha wherever he’s expanding the fold? some could be in hiding because they fled, because they didn’t want to serve the king. oh well he doesn’t really care about those people does he? we all saw how he spoke about those deserters to arken.

also he could NOT handle alina’s harsh truths about how his own actions are harming grisha close to him even though he claims that every choice he’s made was to protect them and empower them. when she brought up genya i was like yes you better look down you motherfucker! you did this to her, you delivered to her abuser over and over.

we saw his backstory, some of it and he acted out of grief and rage. he toyed with magic he did not understand and of course he didn’t intend this but his reaction to the fold once it was all said and done was definitely foreshadowing what he was to become. i created something he said defiantly. you created something you don’t have control over. and now he’s done it again somehow, he’s got brand new creatures following him at the end.

i actually felt for young aleksander for losing the woman he loved but the arrogance and the recklessness he showed there is still the same arrogance he has now. he thinks he has thought his plan through but that’s just working off the assumption that no one opposes him ever otherwise he went ahead and put a target on grisha’s backs. he definitely put a target on alina’s back although i know that was never the plan. the fact that when he has a perfectly good remedy to the fold, a chance to actually fix his mistakes once and for all he turns its back and decides to make it ten times worse, chooses ruling via fear over hope is jusr a sign of how far he’s gone. and he didn’t waver once not even when alina was pleading with him that he could have made her his equal, that they could have stayed together and made ravka safe together if only he gave her a choice, he was still manipulative and lied to her face.

at this point i just don’t think his love for her outweighs his belief that he knows what’s best for ravka, what’s the best way to protect grisha. because he doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t grisha at all. he was persecuted like so many others. he won a war for a king centuries and that king turned on him. i’m sure he’s looking at the current one knowing that once grisha have exhausted their uses that king will turn on him too. the fold is just a different kind of war and if he wins that one for the king the darkling already knows what the outcome will be.

so to summarize this whole darkling commentary here i understand where he is coming from, i understand the fear and the rage and the desperation. it’s not working out for him though. he’s feared but he’s alone. for every ivan there’s a zoya. for every man who’s blindly loyal to him there’ll be someone rising up to oppose him eventually. and if it’s not his own people it’ll be non grisha folks. he has the second army working for him still, but he is alone. and that’s no one’s fault but his own because alina was willing to work with him.

speaking of alina i loved every second of her rising up to oppose him telling him she never needed him. she may have fallen in love with him but she never actually needed him to be powerful, she only needed to free herself of the restraints she’d put on her powers out of fear. i also thought that the way she freed herself of his control made more sense than it did in the books.

i have hope for darklina still despite all that’s happened despite how positively full of rage ans resentment she is because she still loves him, she still listened when he pleaded with her that they needed each other if they wanted to deal with the fold. of course there’s the slight issue of him lying directly and manipulating her to do his bidding and of course the fact that he took her power from her. the only thing that was her and he perverted it for his own gain. i think it just might take more than a year for her to forgive him i’m afraid. i don’t necessarily see a path to redemption right now but reconciliation? alina can be merciful, she can be forgiving. i think all it would really take is just one selfless act, one show of good faith. if he keeps pursuing her and mal and keep trying to rob her of her agency however i don’t see them ever having any kind of closure.

i don’t think i need to expand much more on my thoughts on malina. i’m not feeling what the show wants me to feel. i’m not seeing them as these soulmates that belong together. to me they’d be better of as best friends. the darkling didn’t make her strong he tried to steal her strength for his own use but mal doesn’t make her strong either, she relies too much on him. mal actually was pretty damn resourceful when left on his own. i unfortunately couldn’t say the same for alina. co-dependant love is not better than toxic love and darklina’s toxicity (most of it) comes from the lies and from the darkling repeatedly choosing for alina. he’s not brave enough to just tell her what he intends to do and let her decide whether to align herself with him so he lies and he deceives instead. not much he can do to undo it now but he could help actually destroy the fold if he wanted to. i don’t know if he’ll ever come around to it though.

the darkling visiting mal with the sole purpose to rub it in his face that alina and he are immortal and so eventually mal will die and then he could just swoop in was just peak comedy. the way he delivered that line too you’d think he was talking to an insect not another human being. it was brilliant. mal echoing that same line but ending it with “the past will do it for me” was pretty good, nice quip i’ll give mal that but also terribly ironic when you see the ending.

team crows remains the highlight for me. kaz and inej and their unspoken love for each other is just killing me. i can tell there are personal traumas there that i don’t know about (gotta read those damn books and quick) what with kaz not being able to help tend to her wounds and the fact that there were moments were i could see there was maybe a kiss about to happen or an embrace (at the end when kaz let alina go free and made a deal not to rat her out) and it just didn’t happen. there’s a story there about kaz and his distaste for being touched/touching others. jesper is just here to look pretty, shoot shit and be the most charming person in any crowd. i’m in love. also someone give him his goat back for the love of god.

nina and mathias were entertaining for sure. with all that banter and all these jabs i should have really seen them falling for one another coming. i felt like it was perhaps a bit rushed but i guess there’s nothing like almost freezing to death together to make you reconsider your views. you know the whole saving of lives thing can really bond you. the waffle date was adorable. was not expecting nina to just brand herself a traitor for him and she’s damn lucky fyedor came on that mission because i’m pretty sure ivan wouldn’t even have offered to keep her name out of the report. she and mathias ended their story both heartbroken and separated. i really hate that he thinks this was all intentional. really hope she’ll join the crows on their next con job. and i also cannot wait to see the look on heleen’s face when kaz buys inej’s freedom.

i was not at all expecting zoya to turn against the darkling. that’s what happens when you turned down one of your fuck buddies, aleksander they get bitter and then they leave you to be eaten alive by volcras. ok but in all seriousness she did the right thing and i hope she finds her family even if they’re not alive so she can say her goodbyes.

oh and completely unrelated but since i talked about heights of comedy before i really need more sassy! darkling in my life. he is everything. that quip about his speech. the way he said adorable like he was gagging on the word. him just letting david be his dorkiest self and raise his hand before speaking, that little put upon sigh. i love sassy! darkling almost as much as jealous and petty darkling which is saying a lot. just more of that. it humanizes him, i’m tired of villains who are forever stoic and stone face.

i think i about covered everyone and everything that happened in those remaining episodes. all in all shadow and bone is an amazing adaptation, really faithful to the first book. they made some changes to the characters which in turn changed some dynamics (alina actually admitted she wanted to be with the darkling. out loud. to his face. book!alina would never and book!darkling would never cry in front of her.) but it made for surprising viewing. it also made me become even more attached to some characters (the darkling let’s be real) which made me care more which is why i was livid when they started making a lot of terrible no good choices.

i was just really blown away by this show and the way the grishaverse was brought to life and above all major props to the actors who all just seemed to be born to play their respective roles.

#shadow and bone spoilers #sab spoilers #darklina #alina starkov #aleksander morozova #inej ghafa #nina zenik #mathias helvar #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #zoya nazyalensky

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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years ago

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A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby. By Vanessa Riley. New York: Zebra, 2020.

Rating: 2/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Rogues and Remarkable Women #1

Summary: When headstrong West Indian heiress Patience Jordan questioned her English husband's mysterious suicide, she lost everything: her newborn son, Lionel, her fortune—and her freedom. Falsely imprisoned, she risks her life to be near her child—until The Widow's Grace gets her hired as her own son’s nanny. But working for his unsuspecting new guardian, Busick Strathmore, Duke of Repington, has perils of its own. Especially when Patience discovers his military strictness belies an ex-rake of unswerving honor—and unexpected passion . . . A wounded military hero, Busick is determined to resolve his dead cousin’s dangerous financial dealings for Lionel’s sake. But his investigation is a minor skirmish compared to dealing with the forthright, courageous, and alluring Patience. Somehow, she's breaking his rules, and sweeping past his defenses. Soon, between formidable enemies and obstacles, they form a fragile trust—but will it be enough to save the future they long to dare together?

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: racism, blood, violence, allusions to suicide, imprisonment, and non-voluntary institutionalization

Overview: I first learned of Vanessa Riley while reading an article about women of color and historical romance, so when I finished a rather confusing (and depressing?) read, I decided to see which of Riley’s books my library had on offer. This novel originally caught my eye because of the marketing: a multi-cultural regency romance? Seems like just the thing I’m looking for! Unfortunately, the writing style just didn’t gel with me, so for that reason, I can’t give this book more than 2 stars.

Writing: While I can respect the easy-to-digest prose style of most romances, Riley’s style didn’t work for me for a number of reasons. First, I found the use of the first person jarring. If you know me, then you’ll know that first person narration feels unnatural to me (unless the book is self-conscious about the way perspective is being used). But I also found the first person strange because Riley’s book alternates between Patience’s POV (which is in first person) and Busick’s POV (which is in third person). While the shift in POV was a nice delineation between the two characters’ perspectives, I ultimately had some trouble losing myself in the story because there was such a marked shift. I found myself preferring Busick’s chapters over Patience’s because I found it easier to let the prose just kind of wash over me.

Riley’s prose style is also a bit too reliant on dialogue and rhetorical questions for my taste. A large portion of this book involves characters talking to one another, which would be fine except I felt like Riley used dialogue in order to tell readers things rather than show them. The dialogue would repeat certain ideas or events over and over again, and the flow of the conversations didn’t feel natural, as topics would change abruptly or characters would speak in ways that didn’t feel genuine. I did like moments when Patience and Busick would have a little tit-for-tat; Riley is strongest when writing Patience's witty comebacks to Busick’s insistence on military order.

But because there was so much dialogue, there wasn’t much room for anything else, and I felt like Riley wasn’t quite sure of how to create suspense without dialogue. As a result, there are a lot of rhetorical questions; “Was she a spy?” “Did he have some secret in his past?” and the like. I feel like these types of questions popped up every other page, and part of the reason they were relied on so much may have been because Riley had a tendency to tell rather than show. Riley would point blank tell us what her characters were thinking or feeling, as well as what actions they were taking, and as a result, the narrative (and characters) felt flat.

Structurally, I also think the book could have used some tweaking. Early on, I felt like Riley was using a lot of expositional dialogue to dump a lot of info on the reader, and Patience’s internal monologue would make allusions to characters or events in ways that felt awkward and/or not relevant in the moment. I even had some trouble determining what exactly was going on at first because the book starts out with an exciting scene, and the circumstances that created that scene were unclear (unless you read the book summary first). To help with this, it would have been beneficial to get some kind of prologue, and if Riley didn’t want a prologue that depicts Patience being separated from her son or being victimized by the antagonist, then maybe we can see her escaping Bedlam or joining the Widow’s Grace - anything to give the book the space to establish a setting.

Plot: This book primarily follows our heroine, Patience Jordan, as she tries to regain custody of her son, Lionel. Following her husband, Colin’s, suicide, his uncle Markham seized control of their estate at Hamlin and claimed guardianship over Lionel. The reason? To gain access to Patience’s father’s money. To cover up the truth, Markham had Patience committed to Bedlam, so now, Patience must find evidence that Markham fabricated this insidious plot - evidence that she thinks is contained in some legal documents hidden within the family home.

However, Lionel’s legal guardian is not Markham, but Busick Strathmore, Colin’s cousin. Wanting to do right by his family, Busick seizes control of Hamlin and establishes himself as Lionel’s adoptive father. Not sure if Busick can be trusted, Patience gets herself hired as a wet nurse for Lionel, and uses her knowledge of the house to look for the legal documents that will prove Markham’s guilt, thus preventing her from being separated from Lionel again.

On paper, this plot looked really intriguing, but in practice, not a whole lot happened. Most of our time is spent reading the dialogue between Patience and various other characters, and we don’t actually get to see much of her snooping around, risking getting caught, and so on. Events didn’t seem to build on one another, so I mostly felt like I was getting character snapshots rather than an actual narrative.

There’s also something of a side plot where a mysterious “ghost” causes some minor trouble around the house. Personally, I think this plot could have been more centralized; if Riley had gone full Gothic romance (I’m thinking Jane Eyre because Jane gets hired to care for a child and Thornfield is spooky), I think this book would have been a delight. But the existing tone is a little too light, so it didn’t quite achieve the desired effect.

I also think that the whole Widow’s Grace stuff removed a lot of agency from Patience. While I liked that Patience had friends - especially friends in high places that could wield social influence to help her - having an organized, underground band of women was a little much for me. I would have preferred to see Patience concoct plans and discover information on her own, rather than having the Widow’s Grace act as the architect.

Characters: Patience, our heroine, is fairly likeable in that she’s brave, determined, and fiercely loyal to the people she cares about. I really enjoyed following her as she tried to search for her legal papers, outsmart Busick, and bring her companions along for the ride. I also liked that she had a lot of complex emotions surrounding her husband’s death; while the marriage wasn’t happy (and she has a lot of feelings about being treated as an Other), she also feels guilty about potentially contributing to her husband’s depression and wonders what she is going to tell her son about his father. I liked seeing her try to work through all these emotions, all while remaining focused on her goals.

Busick, our hero, is also fairly complex, but my appreciation for his complexity is dampened by some of the cheesiness that surrounds his military outlook on life. Busick is a former soldier who is working through his feelings about being injured in battle. Two years before the story begins, Busick loses his leg and must either use a prosthetic or a wheelchair, and he has a lot of issues with the perceptions surrounding his disability. As a result, he tries to hide the fact that he’s missing a leg; he never uses his wheelchair (except when alone) and plays it off like his leg just isn’t healing right. This kind of internalized ableism could have been really interesting to read about, especially since there was an opportunity for Busick to learn more about his value as something other than a soldier. However, Busick’s desperate desire to be useful to the war effort came off as fairly ridiculous; not only does he bring soldiers into his home and conduct drills in his yard (wouldn’t that be done at a camp or base?) but he tries to put Lionel on a strict military-style schedule and requires people to witness him as he rides a horse around the lawn (to prove his strength?). His past as a notorious rake isn’t really utilized effectively either; while we get allusions to his amorous activities, I didn’t really see how it was relevant. Did the military give him more discipline and now he’s reformed? Does he find himself slipping back into his old ways now that he can no longer fight on the battlefield? How does this situation with Patience and Lionel challenge all that? I think I would have liked to see Busick grow a little more, maybe by having him use his guardianship of Hamlin and Lionel as a way to “prove” that he’s changed from rake to responsible, disciplined adult (and his disability threatens that by making him seem incapable, so he has to deal with that as well). And while there were some hints at those kinds of things, they really weren’t central to his story.

Side characters were fairly enjoyable in that they had sweet relationships with the heroine or hero. I particularly enjoyed the relationship Patience had with Jemina - her fellow inmate at Bedlam who suffers from amnesia. I appreciated that Riley didn’t make Jemina seem “crazy,” but instead, she was a capable woman who demonstrates genuine affection and concern for her friend. I also liked that Busick had a similar support in Gantry, a viscount who is helping Busick with Hamlin (and with self-acceptance?) while also struggling with his own family issues. Lady Shrewsbury, the head of the Widow’s Grace, was interesting for the role she played in using her social power to get Patience into Hamlin, but otherwise, I didn’t really like the idea of the Widow’s Grace (because it removes some agency that could have been given to Patience instead).

Markham, our antagonist, is barely present, so I don’t really have many thoughts on him. While his actions were sneaky and abhorrent, and I appreciated that Riley didn’t use him to showcase a bunch of on-page misery, I also thought he was underutilized.

Romance: I hate to say it, but I think Patience and Busick lacked chemistry. I couldn’t quite see how each character enriched each other’s emotional lives; Patience seemed to like Busick because he was fatherly towards Lionel and because he was kind, while Busick seemed to like Patience because she was pretty and defiant. I wish Riley had done a little more to make them feel made for one another; maybe Patience challenges Busick’s rigid outlook on life and shows him that he has value beyond just being a soldier. Maybe Busick shows Patience that she matters as a person - something that was lacking in her marriage to Colin - or that she doesn’t have to take on all her burdens herself. There were hints of some of these things, but because of the writing style, I thought we were told rather than shown that the two characters had feelings for one another.

I also think the romance lacked heat and longing. While not every romance has to be sexy and steamy, I do think that there should be some element of longing that plays out in how the characters interact physically. One place where Riley actually does this pretty well is when Patience discusses how well she works with Busick while taking care of Lionel at night - the two hand him over to one another and move around the room as if doing a “dance,” and they brush against one another and smell each other’s scent. But other than that, it felt like I was smacked in the face with statements like “I noticed his mouth and wondered what it would be like to kiss it” or “Didn’t you notice? He follows you with his eyes!” I personally like these physical moments to be a little more subtle and for them to build on one another without the author having to spell out what they mean for me.

TL;DR: A Duke, the Lady, and a Baby has an intriguing premise and good characters, but ultimately lacks a strong plot, gripping prose style, or steamy romantic chemistry. Most of what holds this book back is the overuse of dialogue and rhetorical questions to create suspense, as well as the tendency to tell not show. While I would love to rate this book higher, the prose just isn’t there.

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