#she had carers in and I was stressed about the weather and getting to work on time

[ace-malarky]

ahahahaha

I mean I knew this year was gonna be on shaky ground but like

the bar was so goddamned low

[writer-093]

Authors note: thanks a lot to my wonderful beta reader (@kinglyvibe ) for helping with this :)

Cross-posted on AO3 under Evren-093

Taglist: @kinglyvibe

I wonder...

Word count: 680

The sky is clear, the night is dark and quiet as Sam sits outdoors on the damp grass of a hill not too far from the dorms.

It wasn't exactly the kind of weather that Sam seemed to favor, but a particular someone did.

It was on nights like these that Sam wondered outside and stared at the stars for what could be hours at a time because it reminded them of nights spent in the backyard with Phoebe, Sam staying totally silent as she listed off facts about space and pointed out constellations with ease.

The last time they talked was a few months after their 13th birthday, Phoebe had to move back home with her dad because her grandmother was sick and needed a carer, but she obviously couldn't be left behind, so she went with her father and now Sam has not heard about it from her in years. She was the one to give them the jacket they always wear, it was originally way too big on them but Phoebe insisted they would just be able to wear it for longer.

She was always really nice and cheerful, only really showing sadness when talking about her mom or when she said goodbye to them before leaving. She seemed genuinely upset at the time and Sam hopes shes doing better.

Sam laid down so they would no longer have to crane their neck to look up at the stars.

Sam couldn't tell where the constellations were, but they could still remember what they all meant and little facts about them, you tend to remember that kind of stuff when you're being told so much about it. At some point Sam had to re-learn some history stuff because their brain space was too occupied by space facts.

As Sam laid, counting the craters on the moon's surface for the 3rd time, when a small droplet of water hit Their nose and snapped them back to reality. The one in which they have class in the morning and it is currently God-knows-what-time, probably around 2AM. Another, bigger droplet falls onto their face, then another, and Sam is reminded that they need to get home.

The rain started to pick up more and more as they walked through the city, glancing around at all the stores in the area. Sam was never in this area before as it was too far from their dormitory and they had no reason to be out this far so they had never had the time to admire any of the older buildings or look at what was being sold.

Sam was walking through the dorm buildings doors some 45 minutes later, dripping with rain water and not nearly as relaxed as they usually would be after spending an hour in the rain. They walked up the stairs and found that, despite the hour, a small group was sitting in the hang out spot.

The entire group looked up at Sam as they entered the area, and they decided to just awkwardly shuffle away from the groups wiping their shoes on the carpet in the process.

Thankfully none of their roommates were awake, or if they were then they were being very quiet in their room. Sam grabbed a new pair of pajamas before taking a short shower, leaving all previous articles of clothing either on or under the radiator.

They made some tea before going back to their room, opening an old wip document and putting some music on.

No point in sleeping when you know you won't be able to, Sam was just a tad too stressed and not tired enough for sleep. The pajamas were purely for comfort while Sam worked on the old story.

Even as the stars hid away and the sun peeked over the horizon Sam was awake, but thinking about Phoebe again. They wonder how she's doing and if she's still the same space nerd that she was as a child.

None of those questions would be answered and Sam knew that but they couldn't help but wonder.

[tanithrea]

As someone who appreciates the joy of the simple things when it comes to legs and simple normality I totally get why she was so frustrated. You stop being a person waiting on the body healing and you can’t do any of the things that make you feel like you are getting better your world shrinks drastically and it’s infuriating. The desire to simply do the easy things like shower, dress, move around, go outside, and have a ‘normal’ leg again is so high. But the time legs take to heal, of if they aren’t healing isn’t something you have control over and that’s where it can psychologically eat at you. The feeling of no control, helplessness, frustration, of being isolated, limited, loss of activities and people even social circumstances that gave you joy or comfort. We all take our legs for granted but they do so much for us. Carry us around, dance, surf, swim, stretch, climb all things you do with your legs in a day. What if you couldn’t move one, a cast or dressing that stopped one working completely? How would you feel 6 weeks or more later when you still could only barely go to the loo alone? Or perhaps you can only go up stairs one step at a time with your strong leg always stepping up, that simple thing going upstairs now becomes a long tiring exercise and most don’t even think twice. Take care of your legs. After a long day or long periods of standing elevate them. Change your skincare to protect them in all seasons and moisturise to keep the skin in good condition. Exercise them of course but let them recover as well. If you are seeing swelling of your lower limbs or almost ‘bubble’ like bumps on the skin get your GP to check or refer you to see if there is any issues with Lymphadema/Lipodeama. Compression garments can make a world of difference if you do have either of these. If you are also finding that your joints are cracking or painful and it continues for more than 6 weeks then again look into your local practice for possible physio and X-ray for arthritis. I can’t emphasise enough how much I would love to have a ‘normal’ life with my legs and I don’t. To enjoy just slipping on some sandals, feel the breeze on your skin, the feeling of sensation in the back of your leg, the ease of not thinking what you wear or do because of adaptations you have to make daily. Mark in this was supportive, patient and mega understanding. Carers will recognise the issue of also being both totally worried about the person but also frustrated they won’t stop trying to do stuff. Also that they can loose who they are in the act of being a caregiver as they literally become the functions of another and no longer an individual. He was doing his best here and you could see what a good relationship they already had that it was able to weather this and do so well for so long before the stress of the situation made them hit a point of issue. That they then communicate and talk about how they are both scared for each other and what this is doing to their relationship is probably what saves it. If you can’t see and recognise that moment when it comes then sadly it will not end so well as this did. How fabulous to imagine being in love with the best mate you always had in your life and he was just there, loving, supporting and going through everything with you. What a lovely story that comes from the hardships you may cross. Also to remember that in any crisis there are lots of people going through something. The person who was hurt, the ones who love them and the folks around them. The focus can easily stick with the person who is injured but you both have to deal with the shock and heal. In this Mark was so upset she was hurt and so scared in those first moments of just knowing it was bad enough to be at the hospital, then felt so responsible that it was hurting him too. Try to think about the ones that are around the injured cause they need help too. Once again your writing and story telling is a gift. 💖🌟👍🏻🥰🦵🏻

Accidents Happen

Summary: You had always been clumsy and now you had really done it, and broken your leg. Losing your independence was crushing you, but what you didn’t realise was how much your pain was causing Mark as well.

Characters: Mark Tuan x reader

Genre: a bit of depressive behaviour, angst, and then fluff lol

Warnings: if you’re a little squeamish over basic medical terms, or the idea of breaking a bone, don’t read this.

A/N: So this is a collaboration with my dearest friend Tiger over @thewritingtrashcan … we decided to use the same prompt but not tell each other who we’d write about or the context. This is what I came up with. It’s actually based on a lot of factual stuff from my life, I am actually this clumsy and I did shattered my leg back in university in a freak accident with my horse. I’m 90% okay now though! All the same, sometimes I feel I need to revisit this moment of darkness in my life through fiction, as an act of healing. I chose to do it with Mark because he was the first person I thought of when reading the prompt. And it worked really well with him. Funny how I’ve biased him this long and I’ve never written him before. This piece has been a little interesting to write, but I’m so glad I chose to base it off past experience.

Prompt: “You make me so mad right now, you know that?”

Word count: 3295 

To read what Tiger wrote for the same prompt, click HERE.

You groaned inwardly when you looked up at the large letters on the building in front of you, barely capturing them all before you were transferred inside. The bright lights, beeping noises and multiple voices around you were hard to register with any clarity, but that could very well be due to the heavy set of drugs the paramedic had given you on the ride in.

You sure had done a good job this time.

Your whole life you were known as the clumsy one, able to sprain your own ankle by tripping over yourself. You knew the Orthopaedics department of the local hospital inside out; you had visited it so many times over the years. The treatment R.I.C.E* was embedded in your brain, and yet despite your efforts to prevent yourself from another injury, you’d always be back. It was tiresome to be this ridiculously clumsy.  

And despite regular attempts, you had always heard the words; “it’s just a nasty sprain” whenever you were done with being prodded, x-rayed and bandaged up.

But this was different.

You knew your leg was broken as soon as you landed, falling off the back of your horse in a freak accident. You had been surprisingly calm, but your friend with you was a lost cause, more stressed than you were in that moment. You were still worried about her as they wheeled your bed towards a slot in the emergency department, a doctor soon joining the team around you.

You were scared.

Keep reading

[portraitproject365-blog]

Day 198 of Project Portrait. Next up we have Milly Pena, a mother of one who works in market research in New York. Milly's story is about the choices we make when bad things happen. Four years ago Milly was trampled by a horse. Her left knee was crushed and had to be re-constructed. She also fractured her tibia. She didn't have the health insurance to cover the injury, so her partner became her full time carer. "Before my accident, I was a typical mom and wife with a daily hectic schedule. Dealing with every day stresses such as full-time work, school, child care, activities, homework, meals, family obligations, etc. I come from a very traditional Hispanic culture so family obligations are big." After the accident, all that ground to a halt. Milly felt like she couldn't do any of the things she was supposed to do: be a mother, a carer, a wife and a worker. She was totally dependent on those around her. Her identity had been taken. On top of that the pain was unrelenting. "Getting out of bed was a process even with three stints of physical therapy. The slightest change in the weather brought more pain." She hit rock bottom. But sometimes a path emerges in strange places. "I was watching a lot of TV and got really into The Outlander." While reading around the show she discovered one of the lead actors ran a project called My Peak Challenge, a global project designed to help people set personal challenges for themselves - and raise money for charity. It was the focus she needed. Some 18 months later, Milly can walk again. She's fitter, healthier and happier than she ever was before. She quit her job of 17 years, and within six months she had her own business and more clients than she could ever need. Sometimes we have to let go of everything before we can start something. When I asked Milly where she wanted her portrait taken, she mentioned Brooklyn Promenade, a shaded pathway where her and her husband would often stroll along this path years previously. "It reminds me of new beginnings," she said. In addition to being there, she wanted to wear heels. "I couldn't wear heels for years and I want this portrait to highlight what a journey back it's been for me." Milly's story was all about learning that life sometimes doesn't want you to move in a straight line through it. That sometimes our path can stand still, go sideways, backwards, even diagonally. The challenge it seems, is asking ourselves how we feel about that, and more importantly, what we're doing to do to adapt, to change, to find a new path forward. So here's Milly, standing tall, in a place she found her husband, and herself.

[lapiscare]

Lets talk about Dementia...

We hope that by the time you read this the weather really will have improved, the irony of pictures of frolicking lambs, when the last column was published, during the visit of the ‘Beast from the East’ didn’t escape us!

We recently attended the Meon Valley Carers Group to talk with them about our background as nurses and the services Lapis Care offers. The group was set up in 2003 and meets fortnightly to support people who are caring for someone affected by dementia. www.meonvalleycarersgroup.org.uk

It made us think about our own experiences of dementia with people we have cared for and how hard it can be for everyone involved.

NHS Choices estimates that by 2025 the number of people with dementia in the UK will have risen to around a million people. We all have times when our memory fails us; Liz recently had a couple of days when whatever she seemed to say, the words wouldn’t come out in the right order and I frequently lose things or go upstairs, forgetting what I needed and can remember looking for my house keys for several hours one day!

When such incidences happen, we might think ‘I’m losing my mind’ and question whether this is the start of dementia, when in fact it can be simple factors such as tiredness, stress, certain illnesses and medication that can cause our memory to not work as well as it should. Even not having enough fluid on board can make a difference in how we function and think.

Our brain is the most amazing organ; our very own unique internal PC; The skills involved in our thinking and memory are far more complex than we realise, we very much take them for granted and don’t think about them until they don’t work as well as they should. When I had lost my house keys I put a hook by the door and now hang them there. The phrase “a place for everything and everything in its place” takes on real resonance when you have misplaced your glasses, but if you have a variety of places that you leave them in, it gives the brain a whole range of places to remember, whereas if you have just one or two it is far manageable

Other common symptoms include: 

~difficulties concentrating problems planning and     thinking things through ~struggling with familiar  daily tasks, like following a recipe or using a bank card

~issues with language and communication, for example trouble

~ remembering the right word or keeping  up with a conversation problems judging distances (even though eyesight is fine) 

~ mood changes and  difficulties controlling emotions. For example, someone might get     unusually sad, frightened, angry, easily upset, or lose their     self-confidence and become withdrawn.      

 Taken from www.alzheimers.org.uk

These symptoms are likely to feel scary but having early knowledge and understanding empowers us to make choices and decisions over the issues that matter to us. An early diagnosis means developed treatments to slow the progression of the dementia can be initiated, thus enabling the person living with the condition (along with their families and friends) time to, most importantly, enjoy life, adjust to the diagnosis and plan for the future.   ‘Dementia friends’ was set up by the Alzheimer’s Society and is a national initiative to assist the public with their perception of dementia; How it might affect someone, changes actions and personality. The 1 1/2-hour fun and interactive sessions encourage people to think about and discuss. Dementia. They encourage insight and understanding and start to remove some of the fear of the condition. Liz is a Dementia Champion and carries out information sessions locally to guide people on how they can help people living with dementia (and their families) to live well. She was also joint lead in Bishops Waltham becoming ‘Dementia Friendly’ . If you would like to become a ‘Dementia friend’ please contact us here at Lapis and we would be only too happy to help. 

[jmmgroup-blog]

Nurture your money to boost your finances

I live a dangerous life. Being tactile is often cautioned against in any social setting, more-so in the gender/social-conduct-sensitised GCC.

Those on the receiving end should consider themselves lucky – I am helping them release a super hormone. Not only is it connected to our emotions – we feel better when we get a dose – but it is now being credited with helping create bigger brains and higher salaries. Oxy­tocin is the name, aka the hug hormone.

However, you and I might have missed that boat, as it is a 20-year study involving premature babies. It found that those born pre-term, who were nurtured at the start of their lives through skin-to-skin contact with their primary carer – so their mother was their incubator – commanded salaries nearly 53 per cent higher than their incubated counterparts.

Along with more money in their life, their cerebral development was significantly higher and they had less stressful lives.

More on the findings of tactile parenting later.

I’m bringing this up because I am especially interested in the relationship between body and mind. And I believe that most of us would benefit from very simple, tactile, or what’s known in learning styles as kinaesthetic methods, to stay on top of managing our finances.

What’s more simple than adding and subtracting a bunch of numbers – at the most basic level of personal finance information: money in, out, what is left?

What is difficult about setting time aside to have a helicopter view of our financial issues: investment, debt, savings, goals?

Nothing. But hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on self-help books and guides to “teach” us the “best” method to do this.

There is no best way. The best way is whatever way you stick with. And I’m advocating going back to basics, and incorporating what neuroscience tells us about how we learn and stick to things best.

Point 1: Movement and cognition are powerfully connected.

2: The right setting and tools help us build positive, powerful relationships with whatever it is we are learning or doing.

3: It is all about building relationships, with yourself and with the matter in hand. In this case, your personal finances.

I am cancelling my membership with a powerful budgeting tool. It’s very clever, and one day I plan to review it. But I’m no longer going to use it because I am disconnected from the input, and therefore the output it calculates. Instead, I am going back to basics.

I bought a beautifully bound notebook. It is a happy shade of orange. Just because. I write down every single item of spend. Then highlight things that group together and add them up.

Yes it is old school and it takes time. But it allows me a connection, a relationship, an emotional resonance with my finances. Doing it this way mixes up various alleged learning styles – there’s the visual, and the doing. It is embodied learning.

The place we do things in is also important. The message from neuroscientists is that reducing stimuli helps to declutter the mind. This is why a walk in a park before settling to do something cognitive serves us better than a walk in a mall or through a built-up area. A walk is statistically linked to oxytocin release too.

There is also irrefutable evidence that being physically active literally feeds the brain. It is said Albert Einstein came up with his theory of relativity while riding his bike.

Why not incorporate all these findings and create the “best” way of managing our finances – best being whatever way we stick to. My routine as of this week will be: jump up and down – if weather, time or children don’t permit for a walk. Make a piping hot cup of tea. Have my highlighters, calculator ready. Settle in my cubbyhole – decluttered – with my orange notebook – filled in daily, plus any other information I need to look at that week. Phone on silent, face down.

The following hour will be my date with me – my current self and my future self-hovering.

Set aside an hour that works for you. We need to do this weekly. It is relationship building at its best: a boost of oxytocin in situ, your favourite beverage at hand, in a calm setting, with all the information you need.

Just like any other relationship, we need to work at this one every day, build up comfort, trust and a safe feeling – the sort that only comes from knowing what you’re dealing with.

What I outlined is not all kin­aesthetic – there are strong visual elements too. It is said that 65 per cent of us are visual learners. Some studies rate 50 per cent of high-school children as kinaesthetic learners – they learn through doing. I know I am both.

Kinaesthetics is often called tactile learning. And this is how powerful being tactile is: the premature kangaroo mother care babies I mentioned in the study had more than twice the chance of living than incubated babies. Incubated babies are twice as likely to die (7.7 per cent versus 3.5 per cent).

We don’t know for sure how much skin-to-skin contact we had as babies, but what you do know is how you choose to be and behave today. Go on.

Be an oxytocin-releasing super- ­hero whose special power is actually managing money in your life. May the force be with you. It is certainly within you.

Nima Abu Wardeh describes herself using three words: Person. Parent. Pupil. Each day she works out which one gets priority, sharing her journey on finding-nima.com

Source: The National

Nurture your money to boost your finances was originally published on JMM Group of Companies

[martinfzimmerman]

Nurture your money to boost your finances

I live a dangerous life. Being tactile is often cautioned against in any social setting, more-so in the gender/social-conduct-sensitised GCC.

Those on the receiving end should consider themselves lucky - I am helping them release a super hormone. Not only is it connected to our emotions - we feel better when we get a dose - but it is now being credited with helping create bigger brains and higher salaries. Oxy­tocin is the name, aka the hug hormone.

However, you and I might have missed that boat, as it is a 20-year study involving premature babies. It found that those born pre-term, who were nurtured at the start of their lives through skin-to-skin contact with their primary carer - so their mother was their incubator - commanded salaries nearly 53 per cent higher than their incubated counterparts.

Along with more money in their life, their cerebral development was significantly higher and they had less stressful lives.

More on the findings of tactile parenting later.

I'm bringing this up because I am especially interested in the relationship between body and mind. And I believe that most of us would benefit from very simple, tactile, or what's known in learning styles as kinaesthetic methods, to stay on top of managing our finances.

What's more simple than adding and subtracting a bunch of numbers - at the most basic level of personal finance information: money in, out, what is left?

What is difficult about setting time aside to have a helicopter view of our financial issues: investment, debt, savings, goals?

Nothing. But hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on self-help books and guides to "teach" us the "best" method to do this.

There is no best way. The best way is whatever way you stick with. And I'm advocating going back to basics, and incorporating what neuroscience tells us about how we learn and stick to things best.

Point 1: Movement and cognition are powerfully connected.

2: The right setting and tools help us build positive, powerful relationships with whatever it is we are learning or doing.

3: It is all about building relationships, with yourself and with the matter in hand. In this case, your personal finances.

I am cancelling my membership with a powerful budgeting tool. It's very clever, and one day I plan to review it. But I'm no longer going to use it because I am disconnected from the input, and therefore the output it calculates. Instead, I am going back to basics.

I bought a beautifully bound notebook. It is a happy shade of orange. Just because. I write down every single item of spend. Then highlight things that group together and add them up.

Yes it is old school and it takes time. But it allows me a connection, a relationship, an emotional resonance with my finances. Doing it this way mixes up various alleged learning styles - there's the visual, and the doing. It is embodied learning.

The place we do things in is also important. The message from neuroscientists is that reducing stimuli helps to declutter the mind. This is why a walk in a park before settling to do something cognitive serves us better than a walk in a mall or through a built-up area. A walk is statistically linked to oxytocin release too.

There is also irrefutable evidence that being physically active literally feeds the brain. It is said Albert Einstein came up with his theory of relativity while riding his bike.

Why not incorporate all these findings and create the "best" way of managing our finances - best being whatever way we stick to. My routine as of this week will be: jump up and down - if weather, time or children don't permit for a walk. Make a piping hot cup of tea. Have my highlighters, calculator ready. Settle in my cubbyhole - decluttered - with my orange notebook - filled in daily, plus any other information I need to look at that week. Phone on silent, face down.

The following hour will be my date with me - my current self and my future self-hovering.

Set aside an hour that works for you. We need to do this weekly. It is relationship building at its best: a boost of oxytocin in situ, your favourite beverage at hand, in a calm setting, with all the information you need.

Just like any other relationship, we need to work at this one every day, build up comfort, trust and a safe feeling - the sort that only comes from knowing what you're dealing with.

What I outlined is not all kin­aesthetic - there are strong visual elements too. It is said that 65 per cent of us are visual learners. Some studies rate 50 per cent of high-school children as kinaesthetic learners - they learn through doing. I know I am both.

Kinaesthetics is often called tactile learning. And this is how powerful being tactile is: the premature kangaroo mother care babies I mentioned in the study had more than twice the chance of living than incubated babies. Incubated babies are twice as likely to die (7.7 per cent versus 3.5 per cent).

We don't know for sure how much skin-to-skin contact we had as babies, but what you do know is how you choose to be and behave today. Go on.

Be an oxytocin-releasing super- ­hero whose special power is actually managing money in your life. May the force be with you. It is certainly within you.

Nima Abu Wardeh describes herself using three words: Person. Parent. Pupil. Each day she works out which one gets priority, sharing her journey on finding-nima.com

from Personal Finance RSS feed - The National http://www.thenational.ae/business/personal-finance/nurture-your-money-to-boost-your-finances