#she got a favorite treat after she allowed me to perform weird behaviors to her shes never seen before but she was like. hey man.

[yoshistory]

Olive is incredibly forgiving because a couple days ago i was worried she was silently choking on something (she coughed up a small amount of blood) and i brought her into a smaller room and held her in place with a towel and started doing mauvers on her to attempt to get her to cough it up but it turns out she wasn't actually choking on anything and she got pissed at me for like an hour about it but went back to lovingly normal after

[universal-kitty]

   I’m listening to the Okami soundtrack and thinking about that, plus Mononoke and Demon Slayer, and it’s like.... Aside from thinking SI thoughts (as usual), this also comes to mind of a fair question.

   Why do I like Japan and Japanese culture so much?

   Cause it definitely was a whole weeb thing when I was younger. I didn’t care about the people or the history or....anything that wasn’t anime and manga. Japan was cool to me for what it MADE and I really just made a full stop there. 

   My first self insert I called my “anime self” and was everything I thought an anime character should be. She didn’t have my hair (choppy bangs, instead, like all those main characters; it was still brown and long, though) and no glasses, either. That wasn’t very anime, to have glasses! (I didn’t like my glasses for a long time; it’s reflected in this.) I didn’t move out of pants, so no fancy frills and lace for me...much less a skirt! But I liked the idea of shoulder-baring tops, so I used those and my other favorite element- wide sleeves- wherever I damn well pleased. Maybe a jacket, if I was feeling cool.

   Was I the kid who said “kawaii” and “sugoi” during English conversations? Y e a h. Not proud of that, either. (Thankfully I only did it around weeb friends and on DeviantArt. One might be more permanent than the other, but I’m just glad I didn’t do it to everyone and anyone.)

   Over time, though, I realized my behavior wasn’t at all great. I went down the whole “Mary Sue” path, but thankfully never stopped doing self-insert. Positive role models on DA and all that. But what I am pretty grateful for is how it also opened my eyes to Japan, like.....not JUST being anime, manga, cosplay, and Studio Ghibli.

   I read up on history more and more. I learned about the culture. What’s considered good and lucky, and what is bad. How there’s more to cuisine than just instant ramen, pocky, and ramune...and oh my GOSH, I still crave okonomiyaki to this day...

   Sure, I can’t focus on my language studies (even though I want to so badly [sob]), but I know more words now and better understand how their alphabet works. I can spell Amenominakunshi as well as I can BECAUSE of taking classes and putting in even some effort! (And gosh, nearly everything gets a little easier after learning even that much... The consistency of pronunciation makes me a happy smol, indeed.)

   Shinto, as well... I never thought much of it, but funnily enough, it was playing Okami that got me into the full swing of it. How incredible of a religion it is (even if the rest of the world might not acknowledge it as such, despite the fact that uuuuuhhhhh it is) and... I suppose the reverence towards nature that it holds. Shinto stresses the belief that, in all things, there is life. There is kami. We must look out for each other in that way. To help kami is to help ourselves, no matter how that manifests.

   Oh, and as well-! How WE are not the source of evil. Humans are innately good and “pure” creatures on our own. We simply face corruption and evil from outside sources, and must cleanse ourselves of them. It’s like hearing a reminder of intrusive thoughts, “It might be your brain, but it’s not you. You are not your intrusive thoughts.” And that’s very freeing. That you can wash yourself of such heavy feelings, breathe them out...and start again.

   ....But in general, it makes me feel even happier when a storm comes or I see the sunlight spill through the gaps of clouds or through branches... It’s so, so wonderful to me. (Ah, I’d get a kamidana if I didn’t live in the same household as an asshole...) And is now why one of my BIGGEST wants for a future Japan visit is to go to Ise Grand Shrine. So I might visit Amaterasu-omikami herself, in that shrine so dedicated to her, there is no photography allowed past the foot of the staircase up.

   It’s something that keeps me going, the hope I can do things like that. Go to Ise Grand Shrine, perhaps attempt to do flower viewing in the spring? Explore the more historical side of Kyoto...and find my favored performers from the area, a band named Juu-Ichi. It would be a great honor to be able to hear them play in person...

   As well thanks to Okami, learning the history of the Ainu people. It was my starting point to learning more and the history surrounding them. What the government has tried to do and what they might still pull today or in the future...

   .....It’s hard to nail down why Japan’s become such a focus for me and remains that way. Because there’s so many aspects to it I’m sure could likely be found in some other place. Equally rich history and complications and charming shows......but there’s something about Japan that’s become...comforting. That’s the best way I can describe it, anyways. Comforting.

   I’m not blind to the bad stuff, either. About the awkward dealings of “gaijin” and how it can help in one way, but hinder in another. The mental health issue that’s still being tackled, continuously, to this day. Not everyone is a kind, understanding person, but... That’s also kind of humanity at large, isn’t it?

   I don’t know. Heck, I don’t know if any of this rambling made SENSE, but.... In some weird way, I’m content with it all.

   And look forward to the day when I can eventually visit Japan for myself and not only treat that weeb kid a little, but also get to explore and visit all the places I hope to see now, as well.

[medea10]

My Review of Domestic Girlfriend

[deanirae]

Here’s the promised rant! It goes on for thirty years! The season 6 as i can’t unsee it because i rewatched it at a weird point in life!

Step one: if you have shipping goggles on, take them off. If you have a big sentiment towards Cas's perspective in 6.20, for now, leave it at the door. It belongs in the trashcan, I hope you know that.

Welcome to season 6 and the gender-coded horror aka all the things that were done to Dean because he just wouldn’t stay in the kitchen.

Season 6 in its entirety stronger than any other season placed Dean into the role of a woman. It’s a thing since day one in spn, but s6 was all about it. Dean's horror in that season strongly resembles stories about women being abused and belittled because they are believed to be less than men; simply because they aren’t men [and know jack shit]. Their feelings don’t matter, neither does their consent, not really, which the season’s vaguely threatening “can’t or won’t?” encompasses very well [women don’t get to say “no” or “can’t” and keep it. It will get dissected and disrespected. Which is also Dean’s story].

Re-watching season 6 I felt like I was watching Rosemary's Baby but simply without the baby??? Everyone there is either lying to Dean or gaslighting him or both, all the while he's being repeatedly told everything that has been done to him, everything that hurt him, everything that took his choice away, was done to him for his own good or for the greater good vaguely including his own (or not) . And maybe he should shut the fuck up and drink a cocktail [or, according to Cas, some more whiskey].

This pattern stars in the very beginning of the season where Dean is being told that an important truth regarding Sam was hidden from him on purpose because Bobby Sam and Cas knew better what's best for Dean and they treated Dean's arguments as emotional and unreasonable. Dean fucking spent an entire year suffering from grief after losing his brother whom due to abuse and brainwashing Dean couldn't help but see as his own child (which is something that season 12 canonically confirmed). Like with Ro’s baby being declared dead at first but hey I digress, scratch that.

Unfortunately, this is just the beginning of his choice being taken away from him, since right away he gets guilt-tripped back into the hunting life and all the things that were supposed to be so good for him he got endlessly ridiculed for. Soulless Sam even drags Dean’s entire life when Dean chooses to stay with Lisa. Dean doesn’t know Sam doesn’t have a soul. He’s just supposed to take the abuse from the guy who pushed him into the domestic life in the first place and consider it normal.

Dean is also being called soft and too feminine, too weak to be treated as an equal decision making party in the hunting arrangement. He’s ranked below Gwen, only woman in the group, the lowest ranking member before Dean came.

Also very interesting that throughout the season Dean is heavily connected with taking care of children, bonding with them, and feeling for them deeply [Ben, 6.02, 6.03, 6.19], which again is something he gets criticized for every single time.

The criticism however doesn't end there and an extremely important example is where Dean begins voicing his concern regarding Sam and his behavior. Even though Dean knows Sam best, Bobby insists that Dean is being paranoid. Even after Sam literally served Dean to the vampire, he gets ordered to stop being so weak and get dressed into a more reason-based professional approach to the problem and he's supposed to put his trauma aside, basically he's being told to man up. Because he’s being emotional. And probably wrong and hysterical.

Of course it's no surprise that the game-changing moment for Dean too puts him in a woman's position within the narrative. While sexual assault isn’t a problem only women experience, statistically and, especially in the media, this is the sort of violence that women are in a larger threat of facing than men. What's more to it, what happens on screen in the episode only shows the girls being lured into a trap and forcefully changed. And all of this has extremely sexual connotations. Being unwillingly turned into a vampire and the forced feeding with a vampire's blood is a blatant metaphor of rape. In Dean's case the sexual undertone of the assault was heavily accentuated even in dialogue.

But not just there. In the episode Dean takes the vampire book and refers to its cover [the vampire watching the girl sleep] as “rapey”. He’s uncomfortable with the whole thing. The act of staring at an unaware sleeping woman is presented as a monster vs woman thing to do, as an assault. When Dean gets turned, he watches Lisa sleep before she startles awake [6.05]. Lucky, the dog-skinwalker, watches his “love”/unaware owner sleep, then crawls into her bed [6.08]. Castiel, despite of knowing the sigils were literally meant to be a restraining order, enters Dean’s room, watches him sleep. Tries to convert him [620]. The same episode also brings  up all the times Dean, completely unaware, was being watched by him. Just like the girl from the book cover was, just like Maddie was.

No surprise Cas takes the creepy cake because he resonates with the disturbing theme perhaps the most, showing through how in season 6 Dean's relationship with Cas played out. Or, to be more specific, how Castiel's relationship with Dean played out (and there is a difference).

The thing of the biggest import here, before I begin, is that power imbalance, the difference of species. The angelic mindset in the Angels versus Humans dynamics, which is rooted in the same arguments men use to establish their dominance over women and to later excuse it: according to Angels (and technically supernatural beings in general), humans are weaker, too emotional, definitely dumber, less experienced, less competent.

And what they deserve, at best, is patronizing treatment showing them where is their place, because they’re too fragile and too stupid to make decisions for themselves. Not worthy taking a meaningful position in a war, but at the same time they're extremely valuable due to their souls, which to an extent kind of reminds me of how women are often seen as valuable only because they are capable of childbirth, which is an ability unique to them in the same way having a soul is something that angels just lack, so they use humans for that.

Castiel might say he values humans as his equals, but even if he believes that, his actions don’t reflect it [5.18 for example, pick ANY episode from s6]. The thinking is so ingrained into him like patriarchal perspective is in men’s heads by default. Castiel's and Dean's relationship in season 6 is solely gender coded in this regard. Castiel simply isn't capable of seeing Dean as his equal because he’s, according to Cas, weaker, less experienced, too biased by his flawed - or castiel's actual words - “crippling” - human perspective, therefore he should be put away from the fighting for his own good. No matter the cost, no matter Dean’s judgment on the matter, no matter his choice. Safety is priority, right? Early in s6 Dean, desperate, tries to protect Lisa and Ben like that too, but he understands, he backs off. They reach balance.

But when the narrative puts Dean in Lisa’s place? The only thing he's allowed to do is to perform some basic tasks that are completely unrelated to what's happening on the Big Front and only when Cas sees it fit, and only how he sees it fit. Dean, as long as  it is for Castiel to decide, doesn't even have to know what he's doing. In fact, in the original plan it was supposed to go along the lines of: Manly Men (angels) Fight Wars To Protect Women (Dean) because they're capable and strong and cunning and rational, while Women (Dean) Stay At Home And Rake The God Damn Leaves. What they do is keep the fire going for the Victorious Soldier when He returns from War and if they don't get that, they're just dumb because their human little brains are too small to comprehend the stakes. So they don’t get a vote. They’re supposed to trust blindly. Men (angels) know better. And all of it of course is because Men (Castiel) love Them (Dean) so much and They’re willing to do everything and anything to protect those poor, brittle things (favorite pets?).

The list of anything and everything includes: lying about everything all the time directly into Dean’s face despite of the crushing emotional pain Dean was in. And I don’t even mean burning Crowley's bones-lying, but every single time Dean has voiced his worry that something is wrong with Sam. What Castiel does is to placate Dean, reassure him that he doesn't know what happens but he's so sorry and he'll try to find out! Aids and encourages Dean’s alcoholism just to make him docile, while lying to him actively, by the way [6.06]. And when that stops being an option and Dean is determined to return the soul to Sam, Castiel suddenly stops being so understanding and sweet. Like a flip of a switch. He guilt trips and indirectly threatens Dean before he follows through [6.10] and after placing Sam's soul back in its place [6.12]. And of course it has nothing to do with actual worry over Sam's wellbeing.

Cas pulled Sam out of the cage and didn't bother to check on him for over a year, even though soulless!sam prayed to him repeatedly. Not to mention that he later broke Sam's wall without blinking, so he did the exact thing he “warned” Dean about and by “warned” I mean that he made sure Dean would know the blame, if anything happens to Sam, is going to be his. The point of the whole show of concern was to keep Dean busy and technically powerless because together, alive and kicking, the Winchesters, while extremely dysfunctional and codependent, make a much bigger threat for the supernatural because it's so much harder to keep the game going when suddenly both of the brothers are asking questions and Dean is no longer being pulled down, preoccupied and controlled by T-1000. Dean is much more compliant when he has no support and when he has no moves to make, which Castiel knows.

So yes, maybe Castiel didn't pull out Sam soulless on purpose but it is no accident that he was so determined to keep him that way regardless of how much it cost Dean, whom, of course, he loves so fucking much.

And when you are an angel loving a man/mother figure so much you are also going to hurt the child just to force him to accept his position and stand down. And later tell him that he had it coming because he didn't listen and didn't do what he's told (if the babysitter is slapped, she’s clearly done something wrong). All of it in the name of freedom, of course.

While attempting to emotionally manipulate Dean into supporting his cause and agreeing that what Castiel is doing is right, Cas invokes values like caring, protecting, being a family -  which are in our society values mostly associated with women. Even the Superman metaphor presents Dean as Lois Lane (which Dean knows, so he throws that hot ball away as fast as he can). Throughout the entire 6.20 Dean is shown as and approached to as the delicate hurt wife that can't believe she's being cheated on, so everyone’s just being soft and protectional on her, poor thing, which starts in 6.19.

And fuck lemme tell you a thing about 6.19, buckle the fuck up. The episode very telling in the context of this gender-based abuse reading. It’s because both Bobby and Sam immediately understood that something is wrong about Cas while Dean couldn't. And, the way see it, it’s not the problem of Dean trusting Cas more and blindly because he's in love with him and stuff, no. At least not mostly. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that technically in the presence of both (especially soulless) Sam and Bobby Cas didn't put that much effort into playing soft concern and caring thing  as he did during the brief encounters he had with Dean alone. Sure Cas determined when he made it clear to Dean that driving the boys to their uncle is not something they have the time for, but there is a difference between the way he spoke about it in Dean's presence, to Dean directly, and the comments he made when only Bobby was there to hear them. Here, compare for yourself:

CAS: Dean, can I have a word? We need to find Eve now.

DEAN: Yeah. Go. Me and Sam just gotta make a milk run.

CAS: We need your help here.

DEAN: Hold your water. We’ll be back in a few.

CAS: Dean, Dean. Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two. Stay focused.

DEAN: Are you kidding?

CAS: there’s a greater purpose here.

DEAN: you know what, I-I’m getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I’d like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don’t mind. We’ll catch up.

Now, same problem, but with no Dean to hear it. I heavily advise you to dig 6.19 out and watch if not both scenes at least this one because the way Misha delivers his lines here is vital. I know just the words to describe that for you, but hear that for yourselves:

BOBBY: They won’t take long.

CAS: They might find more orphans along the way.  

BOBBY: Oh, don’t get cute.

CAS: Right. Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with “sarcasm”. It was a bad idea, letting them go.

Now, a bit on both [I still insist you should go watch that scene i’m begging you]:

First scene? Castiel approaches Dean gently, asks for a permission to talk in private, gives him space. He speaks to him super softly. I threw up softly. Dean doesn’t notice the demand in the demand at all, so he just goes ok, you do you, I do me i don’t get it??? So Cas goes into  the emotional territory [always works, don’t it], still soft.

Now dean gets it, but doesn’t budge. So bigger ammo goes off. And don’t even get me started on “Dean, Dean,” and how throughout the show only the villains do the variations of repeating Dean’s name to address him. The delivery slightly differed here but

It was followed by an order that was all the way patronizing. Only Castiel’s eyes reflect the irritation, his voice doesn’t - even though as scene with bobby makes clear - he’s pissed as shit. On dean specifically. He does say “they” but note that sam hasn’t spoken once on the whole issue? It’s dean who he was talking to.

He thinks Dean is crippled for being empathetic and bound to children and he isn’t rational enough to understand the stakes. Let it sink in. now think about it in the context of being a gender [species] issue. Let it sink deeper.

Something in Dean’s words, that thrown in “if you don’t mind” - that’s totally subjective but it kind of makes me think of this women-specific way of speaking from many decades before. Like 40s-50s wife thing? That implied asking for permission woven into their lexicons? Dean is, of course, bitter here, but still, you ever hear a man use that construction? I haven’t. Feel free to discard this point it’s just me trying to work with leftovers of my linguistic training and it’s subjective and i’m in no way saying that line went like that on purpose, ok? It just Bothers  me on some crawling under my skin level.

“Letting” someone do something is Bad Idea - says dude who slaughters in the name of Choice and Freedom. Oops.

And a bonus: Eve lured Dean into her trap, relying on his maternal side. Then, she tried to reach him using Mary. The whole thing being a mother to a mother talk because as a “mother” you should get my feelings.

Another bonus because you probably didn’t dig 6.19 out. That wasn’t an impersonal, rationalish vaguely grumpy sarcasm. That was soft, belittling, ridiculing contempt, the exact one you will meet again in 7.01! I wonder why!!

say bye bye to 6.19, we’re going elsewhere now. Still within the realm of season 6 fucking with Dean’s agency, gendering his problems, and somewhat within the realm of Castiel’s soon to be kingdom.

All that talk about making sacrifices for Dean’s good [because of dean/for dean, mind you] and preserving free will? Oh man, that was to not even convince God [who was blogging about cats at the time], but to make himself feel good and justified in what he’s doing.

And if he really meant what he said by “i’m doing this for you, i’m doing this because of you”, that’s because Dean is his prized possession. Spoils of war from apocalypse no. 1 [5.18 anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Entitlement?]. His trophy wife.

And no one can lay a hand on Dean and hurt him [michael, raphael, balthazar, atropos, crowley, demons] or even insult him [rachel]. Except of him, of course [ignoring him for a year, not even to say sam isn’t dead, grabbing and slicing Dean’s arm without asking and warning, guilt tripping him as hard as it gets re: Sam, agreeing to put him in harm’s way during crowley-related errands, keeping the lisa blackmail going due to convenience, re-making Dean’s reality and life without his consent BUT when that didn’t pan out, making him keep the knowledge just because he wanted to? Um, yikes? And of course hurting sam to get specifically to dean?]

Because

CAS: I’ve earned that, Dean. [6.21]

*mic drop*

[portersofhellsgate]

Meet the Cast of Shrew: Evan Isaac Lipkin as Bianca

Please introduce yourself! Where do you hail from? Who are you playing in Shrew?

Hello, all! My name is Evan Isaac Lipkin, and I have the great honor of playing Bianca Minola in the Porters’ gender-swapped production of Taming of the Shrew. I hail from Kalamazoo (Michigan) and Chicago and now call this weird LA land my home.

Give us a quick summary of the play from your character's point of view!

The main action of Taming starts with all of the eligible bachelors in Padua (or more accurately, an old fart and a buffoon) pining over Bianca. Bianca's father, Baptista, uses her as a figurative honeypot to find a suitor for his eldest daughter Katherine - the namesake Shrew - not allowing Bianca to marry until the elder is wed. Suddenly suitors don disguises to win over Bianca, and of course hijinks ensue.

Tell us a bit about your history with Shakespeare.

Like so many kids in my generation, I was introduced to Shakespeare by the Baz Luhrmann “R + J” - which, quite frankly, made my developing brain explode a bit. It wasn't until high school where I had the great pleasure to fall in love with the twisty, vibrant, and deeply human texts (Hamlet, Macbeth, and Othello specifically). I fell in love with these complicated characters and the mesmerizing language - I mostly had no idea what was happening, but that only made me hungry for more. Since then I've performed in over 10 of the bards plays, and have lost track of how many times I've worked on Shakespeare in classes. It is a gift that keeps giving - every time I read a text or see one performed I hear something new and understand more deeply. Long may it continue!

This production of Shrew is gender-reversed. How do you feel about it?

I love it. As well constructed of a play as this is (really, it is) and as funny as this play is (really! It is!), Taming of the Shrew has got some...problems. Some big, bad "does this story have a place in our post #metoo world" problems. I mean, Petruchio starves Katherine, doesn't allow her to sleep for days, beats his servants and disrespects her in front of everyone she knows. Gremio and Tranio/Lucentio barter for Bianca like a very fine piece of real estate. Our more "traditional" love story (Bianca/Lucentio) never actually shows Bianca explicitly giving consent or love to her suitor. I think seeing this story - these relationships, these characters, these actions - with the gender reversed gives the audience a chance to process and digest. There's room to say "oh god, that's messed up" - with a belly laugh, not a growl of outrage. I hope the outrage comes after  - the thought of "I've seen this behavior before," and a freedom to consider what that means to us now. Shakespeare has written a beautiful, balanced, bitingly satirical play...we just need some help seeing it now.

Just as importantly, reversing the gender allows some badass ladies to breath new life into these characters. I must be part cat, because I've died laughing at least 7 or 8 times in the past few months. Treat yo'self - watch these commanding women tear this stage asunder.

What's your favorite quote (or two) from the play?

Sit by my side, and let the world slip: we shall ne'er be younger.

My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.

Finally, where can people find out more about you and what you're up to

Follow me on all sorts of social media - all platforms as @evanisaaclipkin.

The Taming of the Shrew runs through May 19 in NoHo. Tickets HERE!