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areyoureadingthis8 · 5 years ago

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Shiva’s story

The holidays are tough for a lot of different reasons for a lot of people.

This holiday is a little different for us well.

I haven’t gone into full detail yet about what exactly happened with our Shiva because it’s just too painful.

Ever since this whole thing started, there isn’t a day that goes by that I haven’t cried.

So sit back, dive in, and hold on for the ride.

Friday September 27th

Started off like any other day.

I came home, Shiva greeted me, Matt and I had our taco shop as we always do on Fridays. All was well.

Sometime around 10pm, Shiva seemed to go into distress. She was trying to lay down, but she would get right back up. She seemed to be saying “it hurts”. She paced, whined, and her breathing was labored.

We have known for years now that Shiva had a heart murmur, we were told to expect heart failure; and I feared this was the beginning of the end. I debated what to do for a bit, and then took her to VCA emergency.

There was only one person there and they were in the middle of a surgery, so Shiva and I waited for hours.

When I got in front of the vet, we did an x-ray of her chest to gauge what was going on.

The x-ray came back with white spots all over it.. The doctor explained that this was most likely cancer, but we should do more testing to confirm (specifically blood work, ultrasound etc).

I had to talk to Matt, it was 4am now and I was spent.

I finally feel asleep around 5am and stayed in bed until about 10.

Saturday September 28th

We went to our normal vet. She agreed the x-ray looked bad, and ordered blood work.

She also agreed we need to do an ultrasound but the one that she could use/ had access to there at the office was very old.

She took Shiva but she couldn’t find any type of source or mass. So whether or not there was actually something there yet or not we will never know for sure.

Matt and I went across the street to Panera Bread while we waited for her bloodwork to come back. “Of course it will be normal, it’s Shiva she lives to drive us crazy”. Her tests came back, and her levels were normal. So now it’s a puzzle. Our vet said we should still do more testing to confirm since cancer is tricky. Leaving that day, the plan was to put Shiva on prednisone for 7 days. Prednisone can attack and shrink cancer in dogs, so if she does in fact have cancer we can have time to do these tests and talk to someone to get a better prognosis and keep Shiva comfortable in the process. We thought this seemed reasonable. We wouldn’t be able to do another ultrasound or see anyone for two weeks at the La Mesa specialty.

After about a day of meds, Shiva appeared to be better, or at least comfortable which was important to me. We were doing what we had set out to do.

I was sad, but not panicked yet.

Wednesday October 3rd

After 3 days of meds, Shiva started to get sick to her stomach. But we couldn’t be sure if it just irritable bowel or if she was having a reaction. (as reaction was “unlikely”)

I stayed home with her that Wednesday to let her be sick.

The Walking Dead Season 6 marathon was on. It was on the episode before Negan shows up, Johnny Cash’s “It’s all over” plays as Carol packs her bag and leaves Tobin and Maggie and Glen are together for what will be the last time. Was the universe sending me a message?

Friday October 4th

Shiva didn’t seem great but she wasn’t vomiting. In my bones, I just knew something was wrong.

I had to go to work. I looked and her pet her as I left and told her “Not today Shiva.”

I was clueless to just how bad this was about to get.

At 4 pm the phone rang. Matt was on the other end. He was crying. All he said was “come home” I put my hand to face. “Shiva’s okay just come home.”

I sat in traffic for 45 minutes not knowing what exactly what I would be walking into.

When I got home Matt described the floor was covered in blood. He took Shiva outside and she continued to vomit blood. He had already cleaned up the tile and thrown all the towels in the trash by the time I got home. He also informed he had called his parents and they were driving in from Arizona. Given what just happened and the way Shiva was looking seemed to say “looks like we’re doing this tonight.” We started to talk about how we should do this, specifically we wanted someone to come out to the house to euthanize her. We didn’t want her to pass in cold office. Shiva seemed to understand her condition was dire. As we tried to gather ourselves, Shiva walked in a circle around the dining table as she usually does and looked at us like “take me out, it’s our walk time.” We were half stunned. Is she really asking for her last walk? We looked at each other. Well I guess we better go for a walk. I handed my phone to Matt and asked him to take a picture of me and Shiva “walking away” into the sunset.

Once back at the house it was like “okay well now what.” Matt had been texting his brother back and forth since calling the folks out. “Let’s go take her over to emergency and see what they say.”

We got checked in, they took her back and checked her vitals right away to see if her body would hold for a two hour wait. Her vitals came back normal. What in the actual fuck? We waited.

Once seen, we had to deliver the blow by blow… again. We met with Dr. Hummer who looked at her and studied her closely. She put her hands in her mouth examining the now white gums and ears. . “I don’t think tonight her night.” She couldn’t provide a good reason for Shiva vomiting that much blood. The three possibilities on the table were a severe reaction to the prednisone, an ulcer or stomach cancer. The recommendation was to give her a couple days and monitor her, and then decide on how to proceed. Her red blood cell count that night was 24. A normal red count for a dog is around 40.

Shiva seemed okay enough to handle a couple of days. We were going to follow up with normal vet on Sunday.

Matt’s parents made it to the house sometime around 9:30pm and settled in, they just didn’t know how long yet.

October 5-6th

For the next couple days, she just got up and down and lot. She looked tired and in pain.

That Sunday we took her to Liberty Station for what we felt was probably the last time. We just wanted her to have a beautiful view. She got up and down quite a bit to sniff and we would make her rest and take breaks.

After Liberty we took Shiva to her normal vet. She didn’t know either why Shiva got so sick, but agreed that cancer, an ulcer, and less likely, a severe reaction were all possible. We got her blood done again. Her red blood cell count was now at 16. Dr.Greer explained without an emergency blood transfusion, there was no way Shiva was going to be able to recover from the blood loss. It’s not that we didn’t not want to do it, but with the likelihood that we would still have to deal with cancer and heart failure, it didn’t seem like a good option. Dr. Greer agreed there were too many variables as well. She estimated Shiva had about 3 days. She said “if you’re not going to do the blood transfusion, take her, have a nice day tomorrow, buy her some Inn N Out, and do it.”

We looked at each other and nodded. Dr. Greer and the rest of the staff came in and took turns taking selfies and saying goodbye to Shiva. It was emotional to see how Shiva had affected these people. Of course I don’t think she’s the only dog they did this with, but it was clear Shiva was definitely a fan favorite and this is definitely not an everyday thing.

The next morning I called the place that had been referred to us for an at home ethuniasa.

We missed the morning appointment and they were booked for the rest of the day. (morbid as hell to think they are that booked) but could come out the next day on Tuesday so I set the appointment.

Shiva just got up and down and laid around a lot that day. She even had more visitors come over to the house and some family friends came to say goodbye.

I laid next to Shiva that night thinking this is her last night on earth.

Tuesday October 7th

Shiva asked to go for a walk and eat. Our appointment time inched closer and closer.

Thirty minutes out Matt jumped the shark and made me call and cancel.

He plain wasn’t ready yet. Obviously Shiva wasn’t either; more on that in a minute.

I was exasperated with him, but her previously scheduled ultrasound that we were told we weren’t going to make it in the first place was the next day so it wasn’t going to hurt to wait one more day. We could go and get answers, and Matt could feel like he was making the right choice. Matt’s parents agreed to stay with us and help out so we could still work.

Wednesday October 8th

Shiva made it to her high tech ultrasound appointment. She was so behaved. The next day we all went to get the results.

Thursday October 9th

The stand in vet was working that day. She brought out the images. She pointed to mass in Shiva’s abdomen. The mass was around an inch and half big. She explained that while she wasn’t an Oncologist, it’s logical to say that this was the source of our problem, and supported a cancer diagnosis. Shiva was at risk for a stomach perforation and there was a possibility that she could vomit more blood. If she vomited anymore blood at this point, there was a chance that she might not get back up.

Her recommendation was to see the Oncologist or put her down, and to make the decision quickly.

Matt wanted some time to think about it. I was furious with him. There’s no way I was gonna let my baby end up lying there in a pile of her blood or going septic. How could someone that I loved and respected so much think that this was okay to let this happen to this dog? Of course that’s completely my perspective, if you asked Matt of course his perspective of the situation was different. From his perspective Shiva didn’t show much weakness, and was quite active. From my perspective I felt the show no weakness was Shiva’s primal instincts kicking in.

You know what happens if you show weakness out in the wild? You get fucking eaten!

I was now living in a constant state of worry, panic, fear , anxiety. I wasn’t eating, sleeping, or taking care of myself.

October 17th

Shiva made it her appointment with the Oncologist. The Oncologist agreed that this looked bad but she couldn’t explain what happened either. She reiterated “I’m just not convinced this dog has cancer.” Shiva’s red count was up at 30 now.

“For starters, she’s gotten better. What she has survived is technically impossible already, and to say she has cancer on top of it?” “ I’m just not buying it.”

They left the appointment with an agreement to monitor and follow up in four weeks.

Friday October 25th

Matt’s parents left our house to go back to their life in Arizona.

October 26th -31

Halloween weekend came and went,

Shiva had a check in with Dr. Hummer at VCA. She came out and saw Shiva and exclaimed “oh my god she’s still here”. She told Matt she will forever remember our Shiva, and that she is more careful handing out prednisone, and basically has a new take on this whole “practicing medicine” thing. It makes me cry to hear stuff like this. My baby leaving her mark in the world.

I stayed home on Halloween and rested and then we went out trick or treating. I dressed as Jon Snow and Shiva as Ghost.

November 15th

After 49 days of being in limbo, it was go time.

Shiva went in the back for another ultrasound as we anxiously waited.

Dr. came out with the slides. “Well her heart murmur is worse but her stomach looks a lot better”

She pointed. The mass that was once over an inch big was now the size of a pea. Her red count is now back at a normal 40.

“Yeah cancer doesn’t do that so I think we’re good.” She still couldn’t solve the mystery of exactly what it is inside her, or what happened but her educated guess was that it was a bleeding ulcer caused by the prednisone . The only way to truly figure it out would be to do exploratory surgery but at this point it wasn’t worth it. The worst had happened and it was over. She still also had no explanation for Shiva healing herself, other than her own sheer will to live. Shiva had accomplished the impossible. She did recommend going to the cardiologist for a full heart check and prognosis.

November 21st

Shiva got introduced to a new dog day care and new staff up by Matt’s work in Escondido.

The gal Shiva got paired up with that was responsible for sending Matt updates fell in love with her. All she could keep typing to Matt was how much Shiva had her laughing and LOL LOL.

She took a selfie with Shiva kissing her and sent it to Matt.

My baby making friends.

December 3rd

Appointment with the cardiologist

The cardiologist confirmed that while Shiva’s heart failure is serious, we’ve still got a ways to go until we’re in the danger zone. Shiva got to wear a heart monitor for 24 hours and it was determined that her arrhythmia is still in the normal range for now. We will control her condition with medication for as long as possible and then get to do this all over again.

Present day

Despite everything we can’t stress enough how grateful we are to get to have our baby with us for a little while longer.

Shiva has taught me to treat every day like it could be the last day, treat every walk like the walk, and every family outing like it’s the last time we’ll all be together cause the day will come when it will be.

Like the last episode in The Office when Jim tells Dwight:

“I don't know what to tell you but every time I’ve been faced with a tough decision there’s only one thing that outweighs every other concern, one thing that will make you give up on everything else ; everything you thought you knew, every instinct, every rational calculation.”

Shiva is that one thing for me.

“No matter what happens you gotta forget about logic and fear, at the end of the day, you gotta jump”

Take care of yourselves and each other this Christmas

Thanks for taking the time to read.

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tlcrescuepa · 8 years ago

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New Post has been published on To Love a Canine Rescue

New Post has been published on https://tlcrescuepa.com/week-end-update-better-than-the-puppy-bowl/

Week-End Update: Better Than The Puppy Bowl

We knew it was going to be a great day when the morning started off with our girl Rachel making a love connection with her new dads, and we were right. In preparation for the Super Bowl, we spent the morning/early afternoon watching the Puppy Bowl at the wonderful Maddie’s Castle in Phoenixville. We met a lot of nice people, had a great time there and Kayla had the good fortune of catching the eye of some approved adopters who quickly made an appointment & adopted her this afternoon!

Two pups lucked out and were adopted by TLC alumni: Ally was adopted by Tucker FKA Harlan & Tonka was adopted by Oakely! Benson (now Murphy), Bodie, Gunner, Lois & Nova also landed great families and celebrated their gotcha days this week too.

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Benson now Murphy

Bodie

Gunner

Kayla

Lois

Nova

Tucker FKA Harlan and Ally

Tonka w/TLC alum Oakley

Rachel

We received a lot of pupdates this week:

Kayla was the last of her litter to get adopted and we got updates on two of her littermates

Kira FKA Kelsey

Kira’s mom posted a picture of her on our Facebook page to let us know that she’s an absolute delight and is becoming quite the social butterfly

Toby FKA Klev

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Everything is going amazing…we decided to change his name to Toby and he is almost there with knowing his new name. Tarmac and Toby get along wonderfully…at times Toby can get a little mouthy with Tarmac but Tarmac is very gentle with him and shows him that is not how he is supposed to play. He really does not enjoy his crate time but settles down after being in there only a minute. We have had him around our young nieces and nephew and he absolutely loves children. We are still working on potty training but he will now go up to the door and sit to tell us he has to go out to do his business. He has learned a few new tricks too! We learned sit, lay down, shake and wait for his food. He is definitely a smart little boy and so lovable! He loves the outdoors and is beat after a long weekend running with the bigger dogs outside. Both my husband and I are extremely grateful to TLC for providing us with this loving little boy! We will definitely give you some updates along the way!

Wendi FKA Wednesday (& Monk aka Monkey FKA Tyson)

Just a quick update on Wendi and Monk. It is our 2 week anniversary and they are doing very well. They are playing together well; sharing and stealing toys and antlers! Chasing after each other. They walk really well on leashes. I walk them together and I am still up-right!

Wendi is starting to get into a schedule for going out. The first week was a little rough but she is coming along.

Wendi is an adorable little girl. We are so glad to have her. Her spa day is Tuesday! Can’t wait to see how she looks all groomed and trimmed up.

Bear FKA Copper

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We are head over heels in love with Copper (now Bear)! He has been amazing! He loves affection (which he gets plenty of), he’s great on a leash and he’s settled right into our world. We are thrilled with him! He’s still trying to charm Lanie, but each day they are getting along better. Thank you so much for all you do! We were so impressed with your rescue!

Hazel FKA Jesse

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Hazel is doing well. She’s getting better with potty training and crate training. The vet checked her out and she is very healthy. Attached are a couple of pictures of Hazel and her big sister.

Luna FKA Laurie (Lady’s pup)

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Laurie now Luna is settling in wonderfully now. It took her about a day and a half to warm up since she is a bit on the shy side. We are working with our bulldog on her sharing skills. She doesn’t get mean but tends to hover over her so we are watching them very very closely to work on that. They are doing great though playing tug of war with each other and running around the house like the crazy pups they are! Haha We only decided not to keep the name Laurie because of the amount of people we know with that name. I have made an appointment for Luna with my vet for the 6th of February to get her 3rd set of shots. Her incision is still looking great and I check it at least twice a day since the two of them are always playing. She is doing very well with potty training and even knows to use the potty pads we laid down for her in case she couldn’t hold it. I’ll attach a few pictures of her on this email. I will be updating the info on the micro chip this week. Thanks so much for such a wonderful adopting experience! We love the new addition to our family! ❤

Lawler

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Lawler will get a new name as soon as we can agree on one! Lol. He seems to have settled in and has made himself right at home. He has his vet appointment tomorrow morning. We’ll continue to check in as he grows, and we’ll check in with a trainer if we need one.

Cooper FKA Laddie

Laddie is now Cooper 😁 we LOVE him. He’s very smart and super curious. He’s learned to sit. Housebreaking is tough but he’s getting it a little bit. We can’t wait to see what he’ll look like as a big boy. He’s such a joy. Just what our family needed.

Thank you so much. Your rescue is so professional and well organized. I’ll be recommending you. People are already asking. It was a very easy, well planned adoption.

Piper FKA Lally

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Piper just had her first vet visit on Monday. We also ordered a DNA test today as we are very curious about her mix. We will send you the results as well.

She has been doing great and we are so happy to have her!

Taz FKA Darius & Addi FKA Dara

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Everyone is doing great! Taz loves having a sister and Addi is growing up to be a great dog.

We are so grateful that we have 2 TLC dogs!

Maulik FKA Blitzen

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I AM so happy I found Maulik!! I am in love with him! He seems to be the perfect dog for me! He is doing very well. He had his vet check up at Banfield Pet Hospital at the Pet Smart near where I currently live. The vet said “Maulik was welcome back anytime” (I got the impression she didn’t say that to all the dogs) She also said he was an “All Star” as he was very well behaved for baseline bloodwork and his lyme vaccine. Banfield vet and staff also commented on all the records I had from TLC and said it seemed like a very organized and well run rescue!

At home he has been a complete love. He is eating well and all bathroom business has been done outside. He loves his toys! and does well in the crate. Maulik is curious about Niko, but not persistent or aggressive in any way. Niko is still not sure…..lol….to be continued. I feed him in the crate and have not seen any signs of food aggression. However, I gave him a Busy Bone and he did growl when I came near him while he had that.

We are going on at least four walks a day. The easy walker harness makes a big difference. He does very good on leash unless a squirrel runs by. Initially he got super excited when he saw another dog. So we went to the dog park early in the morning before any other dogs were there so he could sniff around and did long walks when the dog walking traffic was low. He is now at the point where he notices another dog near by, but doesn’t get so excited and goes about his day.

We’ve done two dog/dog introductions this week and all dogs did great!

I would like to do a basic obedience class with him and also try Agility Training with him. (he leaps and jumps like no other dog).

He has already fulfilled a part of my life which had been missing something. I feel like life is full now with Maulik by my side!

Thank you TLC!

[editor’s note: we had discussed Maulik’s resource guarding, and the work we’d already done with him, with his mom prior to adoption and have referred her to our trainers for additional training]

Ellie FKA Jill

I did change her name to Ellie and she is coming along fine.

In fact, she’s with me right now in the car. Ellie really loves riding in the car! See the picture.

Before the trainer begins the process we need to bring her out of her emotional shell and let her bond with me, my wife and the trainer.

Ellie is so gentle and sweet!!!!

Bodie FKA Washington

I adopted Bodie in October. He’s settling in quite nicely, my house really feels like a home with him around now.

He loves meeting other dogs and new people, especially kids. The neighbors love him and my parents enjoy showing off the grand dog.

I discovered he super inquisitive and smart. I had him in line to vote and all he did was sit patiently and people watch for an hour. He’s also picking up new tricks pretty well, we’re showing progress on fetching his leash. I’m enjoying watching the wheels turn as he’s learning.

We’re working on coming to the gym with me, but if his playmate isn’t there (another dog adopted from your rescue) he gets a little too hyper. I just had him in Lowes last night and he loved the attention he got!

I’ll keep the photos coming!

Thanks again for letting me adopt Bodie!

[editor’s note: we received DNA results from Bodie’s litter mate Gigdet FKA Wanda and posted them in last week’s update. To be honest, we were a little surprised at the notion of GSD in their mom’s lineage but these pics of Bodie certainly lend credence to those results]

Lovey

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Lovey’s family let us know that she is such a Lovey-dovey they kept her name. They’re tickled pink with her.

Celly FKA Grumpy (Avery’s pup)

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Celly … he is king of the house . He is a big boy about 35-38 pounds a gentle giant. He has a vet appointment 2/18 and we will see if he can get neutered and we will be doing a DNA test for curiosity. He fetches, house broken and loves the cold . He goes to the ice rink with us and he’s the hit of the place. He goes everywhere with us. We were approached to see if we would bring him to assisted living homes to cheer people up. Yeah he’s that loving.We absolutely adore him, I truly understand now when people say I didn’t save him he saved us . Thank you guys again.

We also received pics from some other alumni

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Denny

Gaby – mom to G litter of Aug/Sep 2015

Gaby’s pup Ziba FKA Gala

#adoptions #pupdates #updates

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