#she experienced Tragic Childhood things for

[the-cosmic-cauldron]

Natal-Synastry Astrology: Bad, Terrible & Abusive Moms Aspects & Placements “ My Mom & Me Do Not Get Along”

Not every person’s mother feels like home. For some, their mother feels like pain—a pain that lingers in the background of their lives, sometimes subconscious, sometimes painfully present, following them to the end of time.

Motherhood is a great responsibility. Some rise to the occasion, aligning with the sacred essence of it. And some fall—so far from embodying motherhood that they abandon, neglect, or berate their children enough to let them know they were never wanted in the first place.

Motherhood walks a thin line: between raising a soul and drowning one. Yet many mothers do not realize the unique and terrifying power they hold—until it has been wielded in the worst of ways.

In today’s post, we’re not talking about the nurturing, loving, beautiful mothers. We’re not talking about the ones we love to visit—just to taste their food, or to sit beside and feel the warmth of their comfort. Not the mothers who affirm us, who pour endlessly into us, who teach us how to love ourselves by the way they loved us.

Not the mothers we hope to become. We’re talking about the other kind. We’re talking about the wicked. The mothers we see on the news, in tragic stories—where love has been lost, or maybe was never there to begin with. We’re talking about the mothers who are neglectful. The ones who abandon their children to chase highs, dopamine, escape—anything outside of the very soul they brought into this world.

We’re talking about mothers who cannot nurture. Mothers who are distant. Cold. Who turn love into a transaction, a duty, a courtroom. Mothers who become judges instead of protectors. Not the ones who bake cookies and gather the family. But the ones who can’t even make their child a sandwich. Who won’t lift a hand to bathe their child.

We’re talking about mothers who make you feel uneasy. Who make you wonder if motherhood is something learned or something innate. We’re talking about the mothers who cause your heart to drop when you’re near them. The kind you pass in public, watching them with their child, and something inside you whispers: That child isn’t safe. We’re talking about the mothers who made you bleed before you ever had your first wound.

Today, we’re talking about the mothers who abandoned the sacred essence of the Mother archetype—and left us wondering: Why is humanity sometimes so cruel?

Pluto in the 4th House

This placement often points to a mother who was deeply wounded in childhood—someone who experienced profound trauma, emotional darkness, and dysfunction. As a parent, she hasn’t transformed or healed from that early pain, so she ends up projecting it onto her children. With Pluto in the fourth house, she may be the dominant figure in the household—controlling every aspect of the environment, including her child.

She may manipulate, dominate, and struggle to relate emotionally to her child. As the child grows older and begins to seek autonomy, she tightens her grip, becoming even more controlling. When control no longer works directly, she resorts to covert manipulation—setting traps so the child remains under her thumb.

She may be hypervigilant, offering no privacy or personal space. She invades boundaries, needing to know every detail about her child—even the things that are meant to be private. Psychological tactics become a weapon: gaslighting the child about past harms, sabotaging friendships, or isolating them from supportive people.

Moon Square Pluto

This mother feels deeply but lacks the tools to process or regulate her emotional intensity. She’s endured immense pain—trauma, betrayal, depression—and because of that, she struggles to connect with her child emotionally. Instead of learning how to parent from a healed place, she demands that her child carry emotional intelligence far beyond their years.

She burdens the child with responsibilities that should never belong to a child. She expects the child to be calm because she cannot be. She expects the child to nurture her because she cannot nurture. This emotional role reversal causes resentment, and that resentment activates her darker tendencies.

Moon square Pluto mothers crave control over their intimate environment, but their way of asserting control is unhealthy—possessive, vindictive, and manipulative. They may never raise a hand, but their words are weapons. Verbal abuse, threats, and emotional sabotage become tools to keep their child close and emotionally dependent.

They may hinder the child’s growth by planting psychological roadblocks—ensuring the child never surpasses them. If they’re miserable, they want the child to remain miserable too. Emotional warfare is their language. Even when they give, it’s conditional—just enough to keep the child bound, never enough to feel loved.

Outwardly, they may appear to be “good mothers.” Behind closed doors, they are emotionally tyrannical.

Venus Square Saturn

This is the emotionally barren, narcissistic mother. She doesn’t love freely or unconditionally; she sees the child as an extension of herself—useful only for admiration or boosting her ego. But no amount of validation ever satisfies her; it only inflates a fragile sense of self.

This mother is cold, distant. When the child needs emotional support, she’s “too busy.” She makes love something to be earned—not something she gives willingly. If the child wants kindness, affection, or attention, they must perform for it.

She is strict, rigid, and image-obsessed. When the child succeeds, she shows them off. When they don’t meet her expectations, she shames or erases them. She may gossip about her child, reveal private things they confided in her, and smear their reputation.

She struggles with physical affection—hugs, kisses, nurturing gestures. Instead, she criticizes relentlessly: their appearance, weight, choices, friendships, ambitions. Nothing is ever good enough. Even success is met with backhanded compliments or undermining remarks.

This is the kind of mother who cuts deep without touching you—through coldness, shame, and constant disapproval.

Mars in the 4th House

This mother is a storm—either living in the chaos of domestic violence or bringing that volatility herself. The home is never at peace. She may be constantly yelling, exploding with anger, or emotionally abusive. If she’s in toxic relationships, the children absorb the emotional debris.

She might not hit, but her words are cutting, cruel, and aggressive. Or she may be reckless—making impulsive decisions that destabilize the household, like losing electricity, moving without notice, or leaving the kids with unsafe people.

You try to talk, but she only argues. You try to connect, but she lashes out. She is emotionally unreachable—always in a battle, whether with you or the world. If she’s a workaholic, she brings the stress of her career into the home, leaving no room for softness or nurture.

Mars in the 4th can also reflect a single mother hardened by survival. But instead of channeling that into protection, she turns her resentment onto her children. She can be masculine in her demeanor, volatile in her reactions, and sometimes physically abusive.

Lilith in the 4th House

This is the mother who rejects traditional motherhood altogether. She doesn’t see nurturing as sacred, and often feels that her freedom matters more than her children’s emotional needs. Her identity is rooted in rebellion and defiance.

She might live a double life—engaged in sex work, hidden professions, or scandalous lifestyles. The home becomes a stage for secrecy and shame. Her children may not even know what she does for work.

She may engage in polyamorous or nontraditional relationships, prioritize pleasure and chaos over stability, and spend more time with lovers than with her children. Often, her kids are raised by grandparents or left to fend for themselves.

There’s also the possibility of her being in and out of jail, dealing with addiction, or enmeshed in criminal activity. She may be pimped out or involved in dark industries. Sometimes, this placement also speaks to fame or celebrity status—where the mother is always absent, and nannies fill the void.

Whatever the scenario, the child grows up with emotional abandonment and deep confusion about who their mother truly is.

Moon Conjunct Saturn

This is the emotionally unavailable, transactional mother. She believes that providing basic needs is enough—that feeding you, housing you, and taking you on occasional trips should fulfill her duty. She doesn’t understand emotional presence.

If she gives to you, she reminds you of it constantly. Love and support come with a price. You always feel indebted to her. If she helps you, she expects something in return. Every interaction feels like a business transaction, not maternal care.m

When you cry, she stiffens. She can’t hold space for your emotions. She stays, but it’s a cold presence—you’re never quite sure if you’re truly loved.

She may have been extremely strict—punishing minor mistakes with disproportionate consequences. Even in adulthood, she criticizes your choices and restricts your freedom.

She doesn’t believe in you. She doesn’t see you. And no matter what you do, it never feels like enough.

Chiron in the 4th House

This is the kind of mother who comes from a broken household. Her upbringing was shaped by trauma, dysfunction, and abandonment. She may have grown up in foster care, been left behind by her parents, or been raised by someone struggling with addiction, sex work, or the darker elements of life. Her childhood home—if she had one—was not safe. It was a place of pain, chaos, or complete absence.

Because of this, when she becomes a mother, she doesn’t know how to nurture. She doesn’t know how to offer love, provide stability, or show up emotionally. She’s deeply wounded, and without healing, she projects those wounds onto her children.

She didn’t feel loved as a child, so her children grow up feeling unloved. She didn’t feel protected, so she struggles to protect them. She never experienced emotional stability, so her home becomes unstable, mirroring the chaos she knew.

She hasn’t healed from her trauma, and so she passes it down. If she grew up abandoned, she becomes emotionally unavailable. Slowly, she begins to detach. She throws herself into work or distractions, until one day, she’s no longer present at all.

The child grows up with an ache—feeling abandoned, unloved, and unseen—not because the mother wanted to cause harm, but because she never learned how to give what she herself was never given. In the end, this is the wounded mother: one who projects her pain, fails to nurture, and unintentionally recreates the very harm that shaped her.

Mars Square Uranus

This is the emotionally volatile mother—the one whose instability throws her children into a constant state of survival. She rarely thinks before she acts. One chaotic decision leads to another, and her children are swept up in the consequences.

She places them in dangerous or abusive environments, not out of malice, but recklessness. She uproots her life without considering the impact. She lives by impulse, not reflection. Her desires come first, and her children are dragged along for the ride.

This mother thrives in drama. She might move frequently—from city to city, or even country to country—with no clear reason or plan. She might suddenly disappear, or end up in jail. There are moments when she seems calm, but they’re brief. Beneath the surface, there’s always aggression.

She has explosive episodes—throwing things, yelling, even resorting to physical violence. Her children grow up walking on eggshells, never knowing when the next eruption will come. Home is not a place of safety, but of chaos.

She might struggle financially, facing evictions, unpaid bills, and revolving doors of romantic partners. Her friends are unpredictable. Her life is built on rebellion—refusing traditional roles, but without replacing them with something nurturing.

At her core, she rejects the idea of motherhood as responsibility. Her life, her choices, her wants come first. Her children are left in the shadow of her chaos—emotionally unprotected, yearning for a stability that never arrives.

Uranus Conjunct Moon

This is one of the most emotionally detached maternal placements. This mother is disconnected from her own feelings, which makes her unable to be emotionally present for her children. Nurturing doesn’t come naturally to her—she is often the opposite of warm or comforting.

She may have narcissistic tendencies. She is self-focused, chasing her dreams, her freedom, and her desires, often at the cost of her children’s needs. Even if her children seek emotional closeness, she’s too unstable to offer it. She suppresses her emotions and neglects theirs.

She does the bare minimum—providing basic necessities while remaining emotionally distant. She fantasizes about a grand, extraordinary life and convinces others it’s coming, even if it never materializes. She wants time, space, and freedom—motherhood feels like a constraint, something she resents.

She often leaves her children in the care of others: partners, grandparents, or even strangers. She may not want to be at home, and avoids anything that resembles domestic responsibility. Her identity rebels against the maternal role.

Some with this placement never truly wanted children. Pregnancy may have happened impulsively, and motherhood was never part of the dream. As a result, some may give their children up for adoption, place them in foster care, or leave them with relatives.

These mothers are unpredictable. They can go from having a nice home to losing it all. They make promises of a better life—only for the child to end up back in poverty or alone. Their instability is constant, their emotional availability scarce.

In some cases, they struggle with addiction, or keep relapsing. Their life swings between grand illusions and harsh realities. The child is always longing—for consistency, for comfort, for love—and rarely finds it in their mother’s arms.

Capricorn Moon ( Afflicted)

These mothers may struggle to be emotionally present for their children beyond what they perceive as their duty. They often approach motherhood as an obligation rather than a heartfelt role, and over time, this sense of duty can ferment into resentment—especially when emotional demands become overwhelming or fall outside their comfort zone. While they can be supportive when their child’s path aligns with their vision of success, they may withdraw or become unsupportive when their child veers in a different direction. Capricorn Moon mothers can harbor unspoken resentment when their children assert independence or pursue nontraditional desires. This emotional rigidity may manifest as coldness, detachment, and even subtle cruelty. They may attempt to manipulate or intimidate their children to follow the path they’ve deemed acceptable, equating obedience with love and success with control.

Aquarius Moon ( Afflicted)

This is often the archetype of the emotionally unavailable or neglectful mother. She is driven by her ideals, dreams, and vision for her own life, which she places at the center of her world. Her personal independence takes priority, often leaving little room for the nuanced emotional needs of her children. She may unintentionally disregard her children’s desires, expecting them to be as self-sufficient and emotionally detached as she is. This results in children who are left to fend for themselves emotionally and sometimes physically, carrying adult-like expectations far too young. While she may believe she’s crafting a visionary future for her family, her focus on ideals often leaves her blind to the present. This mother may exist in an idealistic bubble, out of touch with her children’s emotional reality, leading to deep feelings of loneliness and isolation in the home.

Moon Square Neptune

This mother is ungrounded and emotionally turbulent. Internally stirred and overwhelmed by her own emotional chaos, she often retreats into herself, becoming an isolationist. Her children may not hear from her for extended periods—emotionally or physically. She may neglect basic caregiving duties, not out of malice, but from her inability to remain present. Depression, addiction, romantic distractions, or emotional confusion may consume her, leaving her children in a state of emotional hunger and uncertainty. She may not understand her children’s needs, let alone meet them, and she often requires others around her to step in and compensate for her shortcomings. She may forget essential responsibilities like appointments or school events, and at her worst, she may endanger her child through neglect. This is a mother who often lives in a haze, where fantasy, numbness, or escapism take precedence over stability and connection.

12th House Moon

This is the mother who is physically present but emotionally absent. She dwells in her own world—often detached from reality—where her inner landscape takes precedence over the tangible world of mothering. Her children are frequently emotionally suppressed because she cannot or will not engage with their emotional realities. She may retreat into solitude, isolate herself within the home, and avoid active participation in her children’s lives. Nurturing does not come naturally to her; she may be cold, unresponsive, or outright disinterested in providing affection or emotional security. Even when she is home, she does not create an atmosphere of safety or belonging. At her most dysfunctional, this placement can point to substance abuse, escapist tendencies, or dissociative behaviors that render her unreliable and emotionally unreachable. Her children often grow up feeling unseen, unheard, and unloved.

Scorpio Moon with Pluto Aspects

This mother can be intensely controlling and psychologically invasive. She may exert power through secrecy, manipulation, and emotional intimidation. Privacy is non-existent—she may read her children’s journals, invade their personal space, and use fear as a tool to extract information. Her control often masquerades as concern, but beneath the surface lies a deep need to dominate the emotional landscape of her children. She may coerce them into fulfilling her needs, turning family members against them, or engaging in covert tactics to bind them emotionally. This is the mother who plays mind games until her child is emotionally indebted, co-dependent, and unsure of their own autonomy. She may grant fleeting illusions of freedom only to maintain her grip. Gaslighting, emotional cruelty, and intense possessiveness are common, particularly toward daughters. The emotional atmosphere around her is heavy, secretive, and often filled with unspoken pain and power struggles.

Too Many Uranus or Chiron Aspects

This is the archetype of the wounded mother or the wild, untethered mother. She cannot be pinned down—physically, emotionally, or energetically. With strong Uranus influences, she is often impulsive, erratic, and constantly on the move. She makes decisions on a whim, often without regard for how her choices impact her children. Her presence is inconsistent; she is unpredictable, unreliable, and emotionally aloof.

Chiron aspects, on the other hand, speak to deep, unresolved wounds. This mother carries significant pain that predates motherhood—pain she has not healed, acknowledged, or integrated. She may be reactive, easily triggered, and emotionally volatile, yet unaware of the roots of her suffering. Because she avoids her own wounds, she unconsciously projects them onto her children, expecting them to carry or manage the emotional weight she refuses to hold. She perpetuates generational cycles of pain—not out of cruelty, but out of deep unawareness and avoidance. Her inability to face herself becomes the silent burden her children are forced to carry.

Aries Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers can be incredibly impatient with their children and, when poorly aspected, deeply abusive. They tend to expect their children to mirror their independence and energy. When their children are more dependent, gentle, or emotional, these mothers may respond with cruelty or disregard. They often overschedule their children in an attempt to keep them busy or out of the house, not always for the child’s benefit but to satisfy their own restless energy. Physically aggressive behavior and demanding attitudes are common, even when the child does not understand the cause of such intensity. This is the type of mother who frequently leaves her children with others just so she can pursue her own interests. She resents being tied down, often rebels against traditional parenting structures, and prizes her autonomy above all. Prone to explosive temper tantrums, she can be selfish and self-absorbed, making most situations revolve around her.

Capricorn Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers can be emotionally cold and distant, struggling to relate to their children on a heart level. They are often strict, authoritarian, and rigid—demanding obedience without room for discussion. “My way or the highway” is their mantra. They may prioritize the image of the family over its emotional well-being, pushing their children toward goals or responsibilities that serve external appearances rather than internal fulfillment. Affection is rarely offered, and touch or nurturing is often absent. These mothers might be overly religious, forcefully imposing their beliefs, or consumed by ambition, leaving their children in the care of nannies while they chase success. Quality time is rare, and emotional connection is often sacrificed for control or prestige.

Sagittarius Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers can be reckless and impulsive, even in conception—perhaps having children from flings or one-night stands. They often grant too much freedom, acting more like permissive companions than responsible parents. Absorbed in their own pursuits—education, philosophy, religion, or even cults—they can be emotionally and physically absent. They may believe providing basic needs like food and shelter is enough, using survival as leverage instead of offering love or presence. Often out of touch with their children’s emotional worlds, they can be neglectful, inconsistent, and verbally abusive. Their moods swing unpredictably, creating instability. They may abandon responsibilities on a whim, choosing adventure or escapism over their children’s sense of security.

Gemini Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers may exhibit narcissistic tendencies, craving social validation and often treating their children like extensions of their own image. They might gossip about or gaslight their children, triangulate them against siblings or others, and manipulate family dynamics to maintain control. Superficiality is common—prioritizing trends, image, and social status over authentic connection. Emotionally neglectful, they can be know-it-alls who impose their worldview, suppressing their children’s individuality. They are often verbally abusive, hot and cold in temperament, and unpredictable in mood. Their children may grow up walking on eggshells, never sure which version of their mother they’ll face.

Virgo Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers are often relentless workers and perfectionists, obsessively focused on productivity. They may adopt martyr roles, only to resent their children later for the sacrifices they’ve made. Narcissism may show up as a concern for image: the well-dressed child in the perfect school, while emotional connection is neglected. They are critical, nitpicky, and judgmental—often controlling their child’s choices either overtly or covertly. These mothers may also be overly religious or preoccupied with purity culture, particularly policing their daughters’ appearances and bodies. Behind closed doors, they may verbally abuse their children while maintaining a pristine image in public.

Scorpio Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

This is often the quintessential controlling mother—intensely invasive, manipulative, and emotionally enmeshed. She may become obsessively attached, even jealous of her children’s independence, relationships, or friendships. Loyalty is demanded to a fault. She can turn family members against each other, orchestrating subtle psychological games. Her manipulation is often covert—she may not always strike, but she ensures her children fear her. She might incite others to abuse in her place, maintaining clean hands while orchestrating harm. Vindictive and grudge-holding, she will remember wounds decades later and never admit wrongdoing. Any attempt at confrontation is met with denial, projection, or outright lies. Her paranoia and suspicion make genuine connection nearly impossible.

Pisces Stellium (Afflicted Aspects)

This mother archetype can be emotionally absent, addicted, or lost in fantasy. She may choose romantic partners—or substances—over her children, often abandoning them for love or escapism. Her naivety blinds her to danger, leaving children in harmful environments while believing everything is fine. When confronted, she gaslights severely, refusing to acknowledge truth or harm. While Pisces is emotional, its shadow side is detachment and avoidance. These mothers may be physically unstable, chronically homeless, or financially unreliable. They often remain childlike themselves, growing up alongside their children rather than parenting them. Enmeshment is common—they may live through their children, project their dreams onto them, or dissolve boundaries, denying their child autonomy. Despite her softness, her lack of groundedness causes deep emotional neglect.

Pluto Dominants (Afflicted Aspects)

Pluto is the planet of transformation. But when it’s poorly aspected, it often manifests as someone deeply resistant to change. This is the classic mother who refuses to see her behavior as harmful, even when it clearly is. She clings to destructive habits, avoids healing, and projects her unresolved trauma onto her children. She believes that because she had a difficult life, her children must endure the same. Rather than protecting them, she lets them struggle, convinced it will build strength.

She can be emotionally insensitive and instill fear rather than love. This is often the mother who ends up raising her children alone—sometimes by choice. Pluto-dominant women may drive others away in order to maintain complete control, leaving their children entirely dependent on them. She may isolate the family, pushing away relatives and friends, effectively making herself the child’s entire world—thus, manipulating the child into emotional servitude.

This type of mother can be deeply toxic. Some may even turn to occult or spiritual practices—such as voodoo or spellwork—in covert ways. Her life might include dark secrets: sex work, drug dealing, or taboo behaviors, often exposing her child to these harmful environments.

Neptune Dominants (Afflicted Aspects

Afflicted Neptune often signals a neglectful, emotionally unavailable, or escapist mother. These are the mothers who may disappear emotionally or physically—through abandonment, substance abuse, or mental illness such as depression, anxiety, or schizophrenia.

This mother is often fragile, overly sensitive, and easily absorbed by those around her. In toxic relationships, she loses her sense of self entirely. She expects her children to comply, to remain loyal and passive, and she struggles to relate to children who push back or have stronger identities.

She fails at day-to-day parenting: missing appointments, neglecting education, forgetting essentials. The worst part? She may not even recognize the harm she’s doing, especially if she’s meeting basic needs or outsourcing care to others (e.g., grandparents). Her children grow up feeling spiritually, emotionally, and physically neglected.

She is also easily manipulated by partners or outside influences and may remain in controlling or abusive situations. Exhausted and misunderstood, she burns out and offers little stability or grounding to her children.

Saturn Dominants (Afflicted Aspects)

These mothers are cold, rigid, and authoritarian. Emotionally detached, they often view parenting as a role of control rather than connection. She will never be her child’s friend. Instead, she micromanages everything—school, career, lifestyle—according to her vision of success.

The child’s schedule is packed, structured, and performance-driven. Image is paramount. Emotional needs are dismissed. Depression is ignored, as she likely powered through her own emotional pain and expects her children to do the same.

These mothers are often narcissistic, prioritizing discipline and external validation over warmth. If she partners with another Saturn-dominant figure—especially a Capricorn-stellium man—the home becomes militarized. The child may be raised as if they are a machine: efficient, emotionless, and expected to produce results, not feel.

Mars Dominants (Afflicted Aspects)

This mother is volatile, with an explosive temper. She lashes out at her children, sometimes verbally abusive, treating them more like adversaries than dependents. Overprotective and aggressive, she restricts freedom under the guise of safety but often ends up projecting her own rage.

She may normalize abusive relationships, raising children in toxic environments without recognizing the damage. She’s often combative, isolating herself and her children from extended family, insisting that her way is the only way. She can be selfish, prioritizing her own needs, and expects premature independence from her children.

Emotional intelligence is underdeveloped. Apologies are rare. She craves power and may be overly ambitious or constantly working, neglecting emotional care and giving only the bare minimum materially.

Lilith Dominants (Afflicted Aspects)

These are rebellious mothers—raw, unapologetic, and uninterested in conforming to maternal ideals. They often reject the identity of “mother” altogether. Fueled by rage and unresolved pain, they can spiral into chaotic behavior, frequently crossing moral or social boundaries.

They may earn money through unconventional or illicit means—sex work, OnlyFans, sugar daddies—and often prioritize their personal desires over nurturing. Their children witness behaviors that are scandalous, provocative, or simply inappropriate. Affairs, manipulation, and reckless choices are normalized.

To the outside world, these women can appear fierce, empowered, even iconic. But to their children, they may feel cold, unavailable, or frighteningly unpredictable. The child grows up sensing their mother was very different from others—and not always in a good way. Shadow and pain dominate their parenting, leaving little room for tenderness or safety.

[ilyabutlike-j]

i know there’s a lot of talk abt a helena redemption arc.

but i don’t just want to see a helena redemption arc.

i wanna see her have a psychotic crash out. like a full on 808. like the kind of crash out that happens when your highly always-expecting, always disappointed father, after years of chipping away at your child-self says he wants the same child-self back.

the kind of crash out that comes when you’ve broken parts of yourself and sinned for a love that will never be yours.

the kind of crash out that comes when you were forced to dim and finally extinguish that childhood fire only for you to be told, that all along those years, your father wants the same childhood spirit back. the childhood spirit HE crushed.

the kind of crash out that comes when you’ve moulded and moulded and remoulded parts of your body and yourself, quite literally, to fit into his ever-changing human-sized hole where his “perfect” descendent of Kier should belong just to find that an inner version of yourself, essentially your childhood self, a freer version of you, the version of yourself that has experienced more love in less than a month against the THIRTY whole years of your life, fits that hole better than your entire lifetime of restriction, oppression, control, sacrifice and suffering.

the kind of crash out that comes when you’ve given up everything, your heart, blood, tears, sweat, your own fucking body from the skin to the soul only to know that your father never loved you.

the kind of crash out where all you can see is blood red.

i want to see her full on covered with blood, eyes with psychotic anger for all the childhood abuse she’s suffered. (maybe not quite literally but you get what i mean)

i know people had talked about the satisfaction if helly stabbed jame eagan with a pen. but i want to see helena do it. i need to see helena do it.

because there is just something so beautifully destructive about a character so morally grey like her. something so poetic about the justice served when jame eagan dies in the hands of his own blood and creation, and NOT the version of her that she created, NOT the version of her that severance created, NOT the version of her that was born despite the cold of Kier, no, killed by the version he created, he oppressed, he moulded, he made. something so tragically pleasant about a tortured daughter killing her feelingless father. something so frankenstein about a monster, a creation killing her own creator for the torture she had to go through for just being born.

i want to see her break. change. transform. turn into something so fiery, the same fire jame eagan had wanted, but the same fire he will fear.

something about her to truly show him the monster he created.

and not because helly experienced actual friendship with dylan, or the love of real fatherhood from irving, or the unconditional love of a real lover from mark. all the things she was never even born with given to a version of her that never suffered the ruthlessness of her jame.

but because her own father spat at the person he created.

i want her to do what her inner consciousness’s REAL father (irving) wanted to do and that was to burn this place to the ground.

because helena eagan is a woman scorned by her own bloodline.

and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

[lovverletters]

Yandere! Male Lead

Note that this is a reupload from my previous blog @hyerinrose

A/N : this took so many hours to finish Aghhh. Reblogs, notes and Feedback are appreciated!

T/W : death, yandere behaviour, etc

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

💌 You woke up in an unfamiliar place. It wasn't the bedroom of your friend whom you had fell asleep in. The only memory you had of last night was falling asleep next to your friend's laptop while they were playing the new visual novel 'Flightless Dove'.

🎀 You couldn't have possibly experiencing those 'transmigration' thing in one of those isekai manwha/manga! Those aren't real! At least that's what you thought..

💌 Looking at the full body mirror across from the bed, you let out a sigh of relief. You still have your own features and body. However the picture frames on the bedside table reveals your identity in this new world you have been thrown into,

(Name) (Last Name), best friend of the protagonist and the heir to (Last Name) Corporation.

🎀 With this information, you recount that despite them being a side character, their story is unnecessarily tragic.

You were determined to change their fate.

Routes under the cut!

💌 Choose your route :

🍓The Fiancé 🍓

❣️Yandere! Fiancé whom you were incredibly wary of when you first met him. He was a terrible partner towards the original host, neglectful and rude towards them. Later, falling in love with Celine, the female lead and killing them to be with her.

❣️Yandere! Fiancé who you approached with caution, intending to be acquainted with him in order to hopefully guide him into becoming a normal human being. He was distant and closed off at first, shooing you off but eventually somewhat enjoys your presence.

❣️Yandere! Fiancé who finally begun opening up to you, sharing his troubles and worries with you, how angry he was at his parents for setting up this engagement without his knowledge. It's almost as if the two of you were actually lovers :)

❣️Yandere! Fiancé who falls in love with you, hard. The previous cold hearted man now replaced with a lovesick puppy who follows you around at any chance given. Always gifting you things he came across while on a business trips as a show of his affection. It's to also serve as his claim over you, that you belong to him, that you are his fiancé.

❣️Yandere! Fiancé who completely ignores the female lead numerous attempts at mingling with him. He's a faithful man, he had promised himself to you, so why should he tolerate this woman's presence any longer? Should he just kill her already? She's pissing him off greatly.

❣️Yandere! Fiancé who were envious of your friends, he wanted to be the only one you look at, the only one who you'd smile at and laugh with. Why are you giving away what's rightfully his to nobodies??

❣️"Promise me you'll never leave me, cause if you do, I wouldn't know what I'd do.."

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

🍒The Childhood Friend🍒

❣️Yandere! Childhood Friend who's the only person you liked in the game as he's only one who stuck by the original host's side through thick and thin. Even attempting to avenge them after their death.

❣️Yandere! Childhood Friend who were surprised by your attitude towards him- not that he was against it- you were more animated and affectionate with him, it made his heart flutters everytime you complimented or gave him a hug. Have you finally reciprocate his feelings for you?

❣️Yandere! Childhood Friend who were in love with you ever since the two of you were kids. He was a loner that nobody wanted to befriend until you came along, suddenly there was a crowd of kids wanting to be friends with him. They don't matter to him though, in his eyes, you're the only friend he needed.

❣️Yandere! Childhood Friend who were incredibly jealous and resentful towards your fiancé! He was such a lucky man to be engage to you yet stupid enough to not see your worth. Can't he sees how beautiful and intelligent you are? How amazing you are compare to him??

❣️Yandere! Childhood Friend who were aware that he wasn't your only admirer. While he had been successful in scaring away your other suitors, the protagonist and even your fiancé weren't as easy. They too share the same strong feelings he have for you. And they weren't going to back down anytime soon.

❣️Though just like them, he too wouldn't be giving up on you. He was tired of seeing you with someone who's undeserving of you, who doesn't know how to treat you right.

❣️"You're the sunshine to my lonely self you know that, (Name)? I love you :)"

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

⚘️The Protagonist⚘️

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who were the original host's best friend besides their childhood friend. He was your stereotypical main character, he was charming, attractive and powerful. Despite that, he still stuck around them until Celine came along.

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who you were determined to keep as an ally. After all the downfall of the original (Name) was because of a falling out between them and the protagonist. By having him as your friend, your chances of surviving this mad world is increased!

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who just like your childhood friend was surprised at your change of attitude towards him. He was used to your stoic and closed off self but was happy with your positive changes!

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who's feelings for you grow rapidly as days went by. He can't put a finger to what exactly it was about you that pulled him in. Was it your infectious laughter? Or your odd sense of humour that he can't help but adore you for? Your intelligence that never fails to amaze him?

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who were absolutely smitten by you that he ignores practically everyone including the female lead whom he's supposed to fall in love with. Nobody else is as important as you are to him. So why should he bother be around them when he can be with you instead? :)

❣️Yandere! Protagonist who despite his reputation as being kind and charming to others, would not hesitate to murder for you. Though he hasn't committed any, he is guilty of sending threats towards your other admirers. Unfortunately, your fiancé and childhood friend aren't as easy to rid of unlike like your other suitors.

❣️Too bad for them, he's not one to give up once he sets his eyes on something. He'll do whatever it takes if it meant that you'll be in his arms at the end of the day.

❣️"(Name), I hope you know how important you are to me. I love you now and forever"

•┈••✦ 🎀✦••┈•💌•┈••✦ 🎀 ✦••┈•

Part 2 coming soon?

[licncourt]

Maybe a long ask but if you had to pick one highlight from each book from the vc, what would it be? The standouts moments from each book, or the ones that have stuck with you till now.

That's a really fun question!! Easier for some books than others for sure and tbh a lot of them will probably be whatever the Loustat Thing was in that particular book because nothing else good was going on, but I'll do my best! Picking the stupidest thing from each book after a certain point would take half the amount of thinking 💀

Interview with the Vampire: this one is going to be the hardest for sure because every single line makes me feel crazy and sweaty, but if I really had to pick just one I would have to say the prostitute scene. I think it’s Anne’s best character building for them both in IWTV and I find it just as layered and striking and impactful every time I read it. I have lots of thoughts about it here and here if anyone’s interested!

The Vampire Lestat: I'm going to cheat slightly on this one because I absolutely have to mention the Loustat reunion scene because it completely changed my brain chemistry at 15 years old and it's maybe my favorite romantic scene in any book ever, but in terms of just. Oh my God what a scene. I would have to choose Lestat's turning in the tower. It's such a visceral rape allegory without feeling forced or clunky. Something about the context of being turned into a vampire really taps in the almost body horror aspect of experiencing a sexual assault and the feeling of being fundamentally changed in an awful and permanent way. It’s so hard to read but in a good way.

Queen of the Damned: It's hard to pick a specific scene here (besides the obvious Loustat stuff at the end), but in general I think the Devil's Minion chapter is some of the best writing and relationship crafting that Anne ever did. In just one chapter she created something so enduring and fascinating with Daniel and Armand, enough to build essentially a whole fandom off of. She said so much with so little and it might be her last great masterpiece within VC.

Tale of the Body Thief: I had a hard time with this because there are some surprisingly great Lestat character building moments throughout this book, but the scene that always sticks out to me is the conversation between Louis and Lestat in the church close to the end of the book. It’s incredibly poignant and indicative of how much love there is between them just by showing the pain they can cause each other. It’s also a very humanizing moment for Lestat with where his character is going, he’s rendered so well here. It’s some of the most satisfying characterization for him in the 90s, it really shows his constant war between hardness and tenderness and old and new versions of himself.

Memnoch the Devil: Armand's suicide in this one always gets me because of how tragic it is in so many ways. In his mind, the events of the book confirm to him that his deepest held childhood beliefs AND the beliefs of the cult he'd finally freed himself from mentally and physically are true. All that healing is undone in moments and it's such a gut punch to watch him implode like that and see this pillar of a vampire crumble under his trauma. Knowing that it was originally meant to be a permanent death is even more chilling.

The Vampire Armand: Maybe because of his semi-death in Memnoch, I really enjoy the scene where Armand drinks from Lestat while most of the main vampires are gathered in the church. It’s not part of the main backstory that’s being told in the book, but I think it’s a striking moment after the events of the last one. This is just a personal favorite though.

Merrick: horrible, horrible book but omfg the scene where Lestat revives Louis after his suicide attempt holy shit....it makes me feel insane it's so good. I wish it was one million pages long.

Blackwood Farm: I honestly don't think I have one for BF ?? I don't remember a single thing about that book besides the ghost twincest

Blood and Gold: I do not give enough of a fuck about Marius to have a highlight from this book I’m sorry, I just can’t.

Blood Canticle: I've only read this book in full once and not with a lot of dedication, but there's this one part where Lestat just kind of shuts down, lays on the bed, and admits that modern life is too bright, too fast, and too loud and he's scared and lonely. In such an absurd fever dream of a book that really feels like rock bottom for Anne's writing, it's a throwback to TVL Lestat that feels so incredibly honest. It's such a small thing, but it's my biggest "oh....he's still in there after all" moment in very later canon. I would also have to mention just the opening monologue from Lestat too though because it's certainly memorable and certainly a highlight.

Prince Lestat: LOUSTAT MUTUAL I LOVE YOU SCENE was my immediate thought, but I would have to officially say the Louis chapter epilogue because it’s the only real closure and full circle moment we get with him as a character. I wish there could have been so much more and that it didn’t feel like an afterthought, but I’ve changed my stance over the past year or so and I guess I’m at peace with Louis lobotomy. Whatever it takes to make him happy I suppose + it was the only good outcome with Anne’s general vibe in regards to him. Even if it’s not truly satisfying without narrative buildup, it makes me very happy every time I read it.

Realms of Atlantis: Lestat officially asking Louis to marry him come to live with him at the chateau. I was 16 when this book came out and I remember where I was when I read this like old people with the moon landing. It almost makes up for aliens.

Blood Communion: This is kind of a Blackwood Farm book to me where most of it is just ??? even after reading it two or three times, but I think the ending is very sweet and kind of the best case scenario for all of this so I do have a certain fondness for it. I think most people would agree that at the very least it’s nice and enjoyable which is not always true of a VC book.

[simvanie]

Fawzia for @thebramblewood's vampire casting call

Always thought vampires from the Victorian era were old? Or maybe Medieval vampires? Then what about an actual ancient vampire? Fawzia, or Princess Fawzia, was the daughter of one of the pharaoh's in ancient Egypt. She was second in line to become pharaoh if something would happen to her brother, who was the direct heir to the throne.

(More of her backstory under the cut).

Since Fawzia is a few thousand years old, she's had a lot of time to optimalize her vampire powers and to learn how to exist among humans as a vampire.

She has traveled a lot and has connections all over the world, especially within the higher circles of the vampire community.

Her time and experiences on earth have made her very wise and extremely charismatic. Therefore, it is common for other vampires to ask for her insight or advice if they have a problem or need help with something.

She still uses the sarcophagus she was buried in to sleep in.

There is almost nothing that catches her off guard since she has seen and experienced it all which causes her emotions to be a bit dampenend.

Fawzia is very observant and likes to sit back preferably with a glass that is filled with a drink of choice in her hand. She lets others make their own mistakes even though she already knows it will be a mistake, because she has experienced that it's an inevitable way of learning.

Fortunately for Fawzia, the way people express themselves through fashion has become increasingly individualistic in recent decades. This means she can now incorporate historical pieces from the era she grew up in into her modern look, without looking too much like an outsider.

She currently resides in Forgotten Hollow because a vampire can't live in the same place for too long. It's a relieve for her to live somewhere where the neighbours don't turn their heads when you feel like you want to walk around with red glowing eyes and your fangs on display.

She realized early on that the only person who would take care of her was herself, which made her very independent. She lives with the attitude that she lives for herself and does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. This doesn't mean that she is impulsive, on the contrary, she always has things well thought through.

She gave up on actual romantic relationships a long time ago, but this does not mean that she doesn't occasionally fulfill her need to have a night full of pleasures with a suitor of her choice.

One of the only fears she has, is to get stuck in a room she can't escape. It has happened more than once that she woke up in a panic because she had nightmares about it.

A very long (and very tragic) backstory 😁

For Fawzia's backstory, we have to go all the way back to the 18th Dynasty in Al Simhara, Egypt. She grew up in the pharaoh's palace with her parents, siblings, members of the royal court, and staff. She was a very intelligent kid and had a happy childhood without too much worries. This changed in the years leading up to her brother being crowned as the next pharaoh. There were rumors among the citizens that someone else would have more right to the throne than Fawzia's brother. As Fawzia found out later, these rumours were started by her father's close advisor, the Grand Vizier, who wanted to become ruler of Egypt himself. The unease among the citizens eventually led to a coup by the advisor and his following. Fawzia still remembres that the whole city was on fire the night it happened.

Fawzia lost track of her family in the chaos as they tried to escape the palace. She was convinced that she wouldn't make it to the morning or that she would be captured by the advisor and forced to marry him to legitimize his claim to the throne. With luck on her side, she managed to get away from the center where the uproar was happening. While she could hear the screams in the distance and her heart pounding in her ears, she quickly made her way through one of the empty personnel hallways. She was almost near the door that would lead her to a secret passage when she stopped abruptly as she came face to face with a pair of red eyes that patiently watched her from the shadows blocking her only escape.

If there is one thing about vampires, it's that they thrive during moments of chaos and bloodshed. They are cunning and smart while they operate from the shadows. No one thinks twice if another body falls to the ground in an event were dozens have already died. Fawzia had never encountered a vampire in her life, let alone that she knew of their existence. But this all changed during that dreadful night.

After the coup, the bodies of the royal family were quickly collected by the surviving members of the court, staff, and supporters of the king that had made their way to the palace. They were secretly brought to the priest who was also the royal embalmer, to be mummified before they were brought to their final resting place. As the priest began to prepare Fawzia's seemingly lifeless body for mummification, he got a strong feeling that something was wrong. The priest, who was very spiritual, decided to perform some rituals and prayers to to get answeres from the Egyptian gods in the hope to figure out what to do. Ultimately, he decided to follow his instincts and put Fawzia in her sarcophagus without mummification for the time being while he continued working on the rest of her family first.

The mummification process normally takes up a very long time, but since the safety of the bodies under the reign of the new pharaoh was not guaranteed, it was decided that it was better to get the royal family to their respective tombs as soon as possible. This was much to the dismay of the priest, because he could no longer check on Fawzia's remains to further inspect her and to see if he maybe had made a mistake in case she still needed to be mummified. Running out of time, the sarcophagi were placed in the royal tombs, which were then carefully sealed.

The stories about the tragic incident at the palace faded into the background as more time passed. Eventually, the throne was reclaimed by a relative of Fawzia a couple of decades later as the Grand Vizier had passed away and his son, who he had named as successor, was legally forced to give up the throne. Meanwhile, the everyday life in Egypt continued. Including that of some grave robbers who one day decided to see if anything of value could be found in Fawzia's tomb. As they finally made their way through the entrance of the burial chamber after a long day of digging through stones and sand, they were terrified when they realized they looked straight into the princess' red glowing eyes, filled with a look of insatiable thirst. It was the moment the grave robbers wished they had never entered her tomb.

[taweretsdagger]

"we can use a mirror, kate can hold it"

lost's tragic, (probably) autistic doctors: part two. this time with some fraught gender dynamics!

so it turns out once you start reading jack and juliet as autistic, you can't turn it off. it takes over your whole life and suddenly your mind is just a big cork board with a bunch of red thread and push pins. and in the center of the chaos is the following image:

this is part two (of three... probably, hopefully only three!) of my jack and juliet analysis series. if you haven't read part one of this analysis, you can find it here!

in this post, i'll focus on autistic traits which present differently in each of them and discuss how gender may be contributing to those differences. but before we get into all that, i want to spend a moment (maybe two) talking about food.

food, autism, and gender

the grilled cheese above is something of a celebrity in this series--it's what links juliet to jack the first time we see them interact. food in general is an important part of their relationship while jack is being held prisoner, since juliet is tasked with delivering his meals. by a few episodes into s3, the two of them have become friendly and familiar as a result of these interactions. juliet brings jack a cheeseburger, and climbs up to sit on the table in his cell while she jokes about making the whole thing from scratch. it's an adorable exchange, and a far cry from jack attacking juliet at the start of s3.

after juliet is taken prisoner by the others for killing danny, we see jack complain when tom brings him a sandwich (because juliet used to be the one to bring his food). later in the episode, she does so once again, and jack treats her brand with an aloe plant--another sweet moment, which ends with him promising that they'll make sure ben lets them leave the island.

i started this post with this topic because the motif of food and nourishment displays both the autism and gender stuff between jack and juliet really succinctly. getting enough to eat is a common challenge for autistic people--sensory sensitivities can make certain foods or preparation methods intolerable, and it's common for autistic people to eat the same few meals over and over again and/or be particular or "picky" eaters. it would make sense for two autistic people engaged in some serious hero-savior/captor-prisoner projection to bond quickly over meals and food preferences.

in the first part of this analysis, i mentioned differences in how jack and juliet are positioned among their respective societies. let's go back to that. both characters are (gifted, brilliant) doctors, but we are first introduced to juliet in a domestic/support role, and will continue to see her portrayed as the designated "food delivery other," as well as a sidekick to ben's various plans and antics.

there are certainly narrative reasons for these choices, but it is a notable role for the single doctor among an isolated society to play. especially so when compared to how infrequently we see jack interacting with the crash survivors' food systems such as fishing, hunting, and gardening (or being positioned as a supporting character in any sense).

along the same lines of how two doctors might be positioned in their societies based (in part) on their gender, the same autistic traits or tendencies can present differently in two people depending on their specific personal experiences and identities, gender included. we do live in a society, after all!

here are a few signs of autism we'll examine more specifically in jack and juliet using this lens:

stimming/sensory processing issues

masking (and not masking)

meltdowns and associated coping mechanisms

some info that's relevant to discussion of each of these traits is that autistic behaviors are likely to be "toned down"/experienced more internally in (cis) girls as compared to (cis) boys. more than anything, it's suspected this is due to patriarchal expectations of how girls should behave in childhood. it also contributes to the under-diagnosis of girls with autism (and other forms of neurodivergence), since they are more likely to experience punishment for these traits and may learn to hide them as a result.

stimming:

in jack's case, i'd argue drug/alcohol use is the most salient example of stimming. substances are commonly used as a sensory-seeking behavior, and something we specifically see jack turn to when a situation is out of his control (more on his control issues later).

the one example that's front of mind for me with juliet is the shot of her waiting to talk to ed, where the camera zooms in on her hands and she's tugging at her fingers. but as the shot pans up, we see that her expression is neutral and placid. this is a much less overt example of stimming as compared to jack's, which could tie in the gender dynamic stuff i mentioned earlier.

masking:

as alluded to above, autistic girls are often high-masking, especially if they are punished for displaying behaviors which might be tolerated to a greater degree among boys. i think one area we see differences in jack and juliet's use of masking is in their respective bedside manners with patients.

it's a running joke that this isn't a strength of jack's (though i don't think his bedside manner is as bad as it's made out to be). meanwhile, we see juliet interact very comfortably with sun when giving her an ultrasound, both in s3 (when there's still a LOT of distrust between them) and in s6. being a healthcare worker is emotionally demanding for anyone, but the expectations on women working in this field to perform emotional labor are likely to be higher, based on patriarchal ideas of women being "natural" nurturers.

we also watch juliet actively mask in her very first scene on the show, when she is on the edge of crying and quickly pulls herself together to get ready for book club. yet she's still clearly *struggling* to keep it together throughout the rest of that scene--burning her hand on the muffin pan and responding irritably to adam, only really coming into her own once the plane crash causes something like an earthquake in the barracks and she jumps into emergency response mode.

meltdowns:

like with stimming, we have a lot more data available with jack than we do juliet, and this fact can be interpreted as evidence of gender influencing their specific presentations of autism in and of itself. (however, i do think there's more to juliet than meets the eye when it comes to meltdowns.)

jack has a LOT of emotional outbursts, usually when things are out of his control. he definitely has issues with anger, and expresses it inappropriately often. confronting christian at an AA meeting, blowing up at sarah/kate/cindy/etc. even over small things, the way he treats locke and sawyer during disagreements... i'm sure there are more examples. in addition to his substance use, i think jack's need to be in control and have all the answers are things he uses to help regulate himself and avoid going into a full meltdown. which works sometimes, and other times not.

so, moving to juliet. we do see her have emotional outbursts and use violence, but the way these behaviors occur in her is much different to me from how we see them in jack. i think juliet's meltdowns are more internalized, usually presenting as self-destruction that's driven by her morbid curiosity, her abandonment issues, or both.

when things start getting out of hand--again, even in small ways--juliet has a tendency to dive in headfirst, even if doing so puts her in harm's way. i always think of her chugging the juice richard gives her (not to mention the BOMB, which i'll hold off on discussing until we get to part three), but there are also several examples where juliet's fear of being abandoned makes her push people away before they can leave themselves. she says as much to jack before they kiss outside the tempest (though at that time she has ben available as a very reasonable excuse), giving us yet another example of these characters being receptacles for the other to project their issues and desires onto.

season 4 and the bootleg appendectomy

okay, let's pick up the story where we left off in part one!

in general, the dynamic between jack and juliet is positive throughout most of s4. we see juliet operating like a co-leader of the group that stays with jack on the beach; she is armed basically the whole season and regularly goes on expeditions to find/direct/check up on people, both other beach crew members as well the new "outsider" threats of daniel and charlotte.

however, despite the two getting along well on the surface, juliet and jack are on opposite development trajectories throughout the season. i mentioned juliet continuing to grow as a community member and leader among the survivors; on the other hand, jack starts out s4 pointing a gun at locke and pulling the trigger. that act, coupled with the final fracture of the survivors' group (in a BRILLIANT scene, in the dark, in the rain, RIGHT BESIDE the oceanic 815 wreckage!!!), shows that we have left behind jack's "live together" era and entered his "die alone" one.

let's close out this part by discussing the appendectomy, as this clearly shows the schism in jack and juliet's respective arcs. it's a really important event between them, not the least because jack 100% would have died had juliet not been there or not been capable of performing the operation.

in part one, i described viewing jack and juliet's relationship like two mirrors reflecting against each other. i'm going to follow that metaphor here (and will continue to do so in part three of this analysis), since it helps show that the two are no longer in sync by the back half of s4.

the appendicitis development is, of course, a nightmare for jack's control issues. but, one might think he'd be able to let go of these since juliet is a doctor who has performed quite a few appendectomies. sure, she's not a surgeon; sure, it's not ideal. but i think jack's reaction displays his misogyny just as much as it does his need to be in control, since he goes to extreme lengths to make clear he doesn't trust juliet to get the job done.

demanding to be awake during abdominal surgery is ludicrous enough. specifically demanding that someone *without medical training* be present to hold a mirror so you can watch the surgery is a degree of absurdity only jack shephard could bring to the situation. and i mean, how significant i personally find this demand might already be clear based on the title of this post, but through his inability to trust juliet, jack literally projects out the mirroring camaraderie he and juliet have previously experienced onto kate!! (gahhhh, it's just so so good!)

at first juliet goes along with jack's demands, but after it becomes clear she won't be able to perform the procedure successfully with him awake, her growth as a leader is made clear to us. juliet stands up to jack, orders bernard to knock him out, and orders kate to leave. she pulls it all off expertly--no self-destruction on her part, no one gets hurt, nor are there any gratuitous displays of anger/aggression. everything goes smoothly, as soon as juliet steps up.

as if that's not enough, we then see her make amends with kate and open up about her kiss with jack (knowing jack is awake, basically playing matchmaker between them). it's very similar to when jack lets go of kate at the end of s3, but in juliet's case it's a step forward we actually see her follow through on.

like their positions among their societies and the autistic traits discussed in this post, juliet's approach to leadership is markedly different from the one we typically see jack take. this idea comes back around in the leadership struggle between jack and sawyer later on in s5, and it would makes sense for both juliet and sawyer to have strategies that are disparate from jack's, and/or that sawyer relies on juliet as an advisor/comrade in his position of leadership among the dharma initiative.

(hey, is anyone else consumed by the symbolism of juliet taking out jack's appendix? a vestigial organ that's part of the digestive system? one he doesn't need anymore, because his ancestors evolved to cook their food and prepare it in more palatable, digestible ways?? anyway, i think i'm gonna make a grilled cheese for lunch.)

i will see you all back in the meta-analysis verse for jack and juliet part three: bomb and death edition! <3 :')

[ghostlflowers]

FUKOUNA GIRL Animation with Doisette

CW: Disturbing imagery/Lyrics + Slight blood with implied death

I finally finished it!! It sucks that I had to rush some of it toward the end, since I wanted to finish it before getting busy with IRL stuff. Still proud that I finished it nevertheless, and hope you like it too!

Anywho yay Doisette Animation‼️ WOOP WOOP‼️🗣️

❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *

To anyone who would like to hear the context/headcanon stuff about this animation (ㅅ´ ˘ `)!!:

First off this is the purple version of Doisette I saw on the PT wiki, never really saw where the green one came from.

Anywho this animation is my take on a backstory/personality for her that I made up. Since we know pretty much nothing about her this is all headcanon stuff that I liked/added for her :]

Backstory INFO!! ❀。• *₊°。 -

When she was younger she wasn’t the most well off person, she struggled with coming from an unfortunate position so she had to resort to side gigs and a bit of dangerous situations to make a living. Along the time she where doing this, she came across a cozy pub in her town, where she meet Hazel (AKA. Noisette). Hazel who worked at the pub became friends with Doisette (Still need to figure out a former name for her), and who keep coming to see Hazel in her free time.

After a while things were okay, however, one day Doisette got a request from an employer that was dangerous. This ended tragically when Doisette killed someone in the process, this someone being a child who got involved with the crossfire of her request (Btw this was mainly inspired by that one arcane scene). Devastated, Doisette didn’t know how to feel/do about the situation so she made the choice to leave and stay hidden from the public for awhile, not wanting to be seen.

Side note for animation: Was gonna add Hazel looking down at Doisette, while Doisette on the other hand looked guilty and in despair in facing her. All of this being a vision of Doisette on what she thinks would happen if Hazel found out what she did (Just didn’t have the time to add it).

After years of laying low, Doisette heard about the new Pizza Tower establishment that was created. She sought it and thought it would provide a new life, and maybe even a new home for her. However, she didn’t anticipate that she’d see a familiar face there (Hazel/Noisette).

Personality INFO!! ❀。• *₊°。-

The song its self explores on deep suffering, societal pressures, and struggles with self-identity. Focusing on someone who feels doomed with their circumstances.

I would say this song hits on ideas/headcanons that I’ve made about Doisette. Ever since she were younger she’s had troubling thoughts that questioned who she thought she was and who she thinks she’s supposed to be? She’d ask herself “Is this really who I am or am I someone better than this?” Or “Am I in the right place? Or “Who exactly am I?” Anywho she’s struggled with her self identity for a long while, unsure if she’s happy with herself. Besides self-identity, she’s suffered a lot based on her childhood upcoming, and her trauma from the accident she experienced. Doisette understands that her accident was horrific and one that no matter if it were a mistake or not she would have consequences for her actions. This overall making her feel like she was doomed and had no hope for becoming someone better than what she thought she was, a murder.

The lyrics “If you wanna flay me, let’s see what’s inside”. Goes into the idea that she doesn’t want to become vulnerable and share that past that torments her or remember it clearly.

Note - All of this isn’t set in stone, I’m still figuring things out on backstories/headcanon stuff for all the Pizza Tower characters.

I thought I’d share my current thoughts about Doisette and how much I love the story/headcanons I gave her!! If ya read all of this, thank you! :”D

[crowbasils]

BASIL (OMORI) — A complete (for now) analysis

spoilers under the cut !! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

BASIL is actually more nuanced than the game makes him out to be, and has hid his emotions far before KEL has, and is as tragic, if not more tragic, as AUBREY is.

HIS CHILDHOOD （＾_＾）

Let’s start off before he met the friend group. As POLLY says in-game, his parents left him when he was a toddler, with his grandmother being the only one there for him. She also does note that she’s only ever seen them once.

…This is obviously something that affected BASIL’s life a lot. Being left with only one person—an old one at that. She cares, yes, but the thing is, we don’t know how she was like. All we get is old art, old concepts, but even then, it’s how SUNNY sees her. Maybe she was pretty strict, maybe she was someone that was lax but when upset, her punishments would be severe, traumatizing, even. Even then, despite the fact that he’s left with someone that cares for him, it’s still pretty bad. Why? Because he would realize that she isn’t his parent. That his grandmother isn’t his parent. And that realization hurts. He’s left to wonder why his parents left him. Why his parents abandoned, and neglected him. Why he seemed unwanted compared to others. Was it because they found him to be weak? Was it because they hated him? Was it because they had no time for him? We never know, and he really never did, either. It does not help that canon implies that there was no communication from him to his parents either.

This can actually cause children to feel like an alien. To feel like they are abnormal in comparison to others. To feel like they aren’t human. To feel that they can’t “connect” with society. They don’t know how to interact “properly” with people, because they can’t relate to other’s experiences. Because they have not experienced interacting much with people. Because they don’t know how to relate, they don’t interact much easily. Because they don’t know how to relate, their speech and manner of expression may not be up to standard. They don't know what a “parent’s love” is, a “mother’s love”, or what “love” is in general, because they weren’t exposed to that. This is, most probably, the case with BASIL. Even though he has a grandmother, it’s not really enough. It’s not enough, because it’s not his parents, it’s not the ones who gave birth to him. It’s not the ones who others would say “would love you unconditionally”. It’s not the ones who others would say “would love you the most”.

Considering that it’s his grandmother, BASIL might’ve actually had to tend to himself and mature faster than anyone did. His grandmother is old, and old people do have quite a lot of complications to deal with. Even if they’re healthy, they’re a bit fragile. He might’ve had to run errands for her, do house chores for her, and stuff like that. A grandmother isn’t the most reliable parental figure, because they could fall ill at any moment, they could die at any moment. He probably knows this, actually. If you take the hunter thing as canon, this does kind of add to the… y’know since he does have to see carcasses. We also don’t know if she’s actually nice. We don’t know if she was a good grandmother, we don’t know if she was a bad one either.

… Anyways. All that combined probably makes you think that BASIL would turn out to be a really sad and depressed kid. As in, something like post-incident SUNNY. But… surprisingly, he’s not. He’s happy, smiling, and if you look at the pre-incident art, more than SUNNY (although, SUNNY states that he doesn’t really like to smile in the traditional sense. BASIL sees right through him though, and knows if he’s smiling or not.). He’s smiling more than SUNNY, which admittedly, makes no sense if you take it as something that indicates “Oh!!! BASIL is happier than SUNNY and SUNNY pre-incident is traumatized!!!!” when you consider both of their childhoods. Which brings us to the next point…

THE INSIDE (PRE-INCIDENT) ( T_T)＼(^-^ )

While not specifically expressed in canon (SUNNY and OMORI aren’t reliable narrators and their views won’t always be accurate), it is pretty implied that he hides feelings. Probably the most obvious indicators of that would be the fact that he vents to SUNNY, and the existence of STRANGER (who is implied to be the parts of BASIL that Sunny finds “unpleasant” while also being a positive figure and guide to him. Not to say that he dislikes BASIL, but he pretty much has this black and white view when it comes to the world because yeah, he’s young and has experienced a lot less pre-incident) and some parts of BLACKSPACE.

He probably has hid more feelings than the game lets on. Maybe he thinks of himself as “inhuman” and feels “strange” compared to everyone because he can’t relate that well to their experiences with their parents and peers, and uses smiling and laughing as a way to cope and/or cover that. Maybe he thinks of himself as “less”, that sometimes, he feels empty, sad, and even angry, and that’s why he acts the way he does. He involves himself in the activities of the friend group, because he’s so scared of being left alone again. To avoid being forgotten and abandoned, he helps everyone and tries to be the reliable friend everyone needs. Maybe because he’s never been able to make a lot of human interaction, he is the way he is. Maybe, he even exaggerated some of his emotions, for a lack of a better word. He wants to get “in” to the moment, truly feel it for what it is, which leads to his emotions being a mix of genuine and a mix of a slight exaggeration. He feels joy and does feel genuinely happy, but he exaggerates it at times. To him, it will all be but a fleeting moment, and when time comes, the friend group will collapse. He values his relationships with the friend group more than anyone, because to him, they are his true family. He takes photos of them, because he’s afraid to lose them.

They say, “opposites attract”, correct? Then perhaps the reason why BASIL hangs out more with SUNNY, is because he is the very opposite to him, by technicality. SUNNY isn’t physically expressive with his emotions. SUNNY doesn’t smile, neither does he laugh a lot, but unlike him, But at the same time, SUNNY isn’t empty. SUNNY is so full of life. He is full of dreams, imagination, often good and fantastical. SUNNY has been around people who love and trust him his entire childhood, while BASIL hasn’t. SUNNY has been loved and cherished by everyone his entire childhood, but BASIL hasn’t. BASIL wasn’t as loved and cherished by everyone as SUNNY was. SUNNY had many people care for him before the friend group, while BASIL didn’t. SUNNY experienced parental love, but BASIL didn’t, and will never experience it. In his eyes, SUNNY is perfect, because he experienced what he cannot. Because he is loved by everyone. Because he is cherished, and treasured. He is what BASIL cannot be, and will not ever be. He is the “good person” he wishes to be, yet cannot be.

With that being said, BASIL probably does have trust and abandonment issues that he hid as well. His photo album can be a sign of that. Abandonment issues, caused by his parents leaving and the fact that his grandmother can fall ill / die at any moment, and trust issues caused by the abandonment issues. The photo album is also described as a collection of “things he is afraid to lose”.

He is also implied to be depressed and/or suicidal in a certain incident which will be addressed in the next section

“THE INCIDENT” ∑(ﾟДﾟ)

The incident is a major part of the OMORI story. It is the very thing that serves as the catalyst for all the events ingame. As for this section of the analysis, it will attempt to give a reason—but not excuse—as to why BASIL did what, and what it may imply when it comes to his character. As well as clearing common misconceptions on why a character did certain things and why the misconception is incorrect.

The question “Why did BASIL hang MARI?” is a question asked by a lot of people. The answer to that is… quite simple, and that is because he didn’t want SUNNY to get in trouble, and hated by everyone. “But he could’ve called the ambulance!!! Or even his parents!!!” That is true, but consider, he was in a stressful situation, and he didn’t even know what to do, as witnessing a death of a friend caused by another friend is a hard thing to take. This and the fact that the police and medical services in OMORI FARAWAY seem quite incompetent and/or lacking, considering how AUBREY was able to get away scot-free while having a bat with nails on it. Also, him hanging MARI does also implies that he knows how to tie a noose. While that can be excused as something that comes from gardening, the thing is that. he knows that it’s for suicide, which also in turn, implies that he knows how to commit it. Which is concerning, especially when you take into consideration that he’s a 12 year old, and that it’s pretty rare for a 12 year old to know that back in the time OMORI is implied to have taken place in. The internet also didn’t exist back then, which makes it pretty impossible for Basil to know what suicide is and how to do it unless he planned to do it himself.

A common yet popular misconception in the fandom is that he is the one who scribbled up the photo album, and to that I say, “No, he wasn’t.” It was SUNNY. SUNNY was the one who scribbled up the photos, and BASIL just took the blame so that he wouldn’t get in trouble and be hated by everyone. BASIL actually says that it was SUNNY in an earlier version of the dialogue before the BASIL fight. (SUNNY even takes a step back when the rest of the gang (minus BASIL) hugs AUBREY! Which is an indicator of at least something.

Another common yet popular misconception is that this is the only reason why BASIL is depressed/sad and that after the game, he’ll go back to being happy again, and to that I say, nope. Absolutely not. It’s not the only reason why BASIL is like that. Even if he healed from the trauma the incident has caused, a lot of his issues are still left unaddressed. The feelings from his grandmother dying, the worsened abandonment and trust issues, the strong yet not acknowledged and repressed feelings from AUBREY bullying him, the feelings from SUNNY leaving him, the feelings from… pretty much everyone leaving him are still there. Him also being suicidal and scared yet again to reunite, because he feels like it will dissolve even faster than before. He’s also still scared that they hate him, and even if they say they don’t, he feels like they’re lying and inside, they hate him and want him to die.

…Also, the incident is not completely BASIL’s fault. He wasn’t the reason why SUNNY shut himself in his room and became a shut-in / hikikomori. And while yes, his SOMETHING is in the shape of hanged MARI, SUNNY became a shut-in / hikikomori due to the guilt of killing Mari, and not because of BASIL hanging her. It’s not BASIL’s fault that SUNNY became a shut-in and that the group fell apart, because the group would’ve fallen apart anyway. It’s just that it’s no longer only SUNNY’s fault that the group did. And even if the hanging didn’t happen, the majority of the group wouldn’t be mature enough to understand the situation fully. We, as the players/readers understand it, because we have almost all of the pieces of the puzzle, but they won’t.

POST-INCIDENT, FARAWAY SECTION (¬_¬)

Before I’d like to start off this segment, what the fandom fails to acknowledge most of the time is that BASIL is 16. He’s not a crybaby. He’s not scared of everything. He’s not a scaredy-cat. Most of those assumptions come from the fandom’s inability to recognize that BASIL has suffered as much as SUNNY and AUBREY have. He is as pained and hurt as them. He was hurt and in pain because of them, too.

The first time we see BASIL, we see him asking for his photo album, but getting bullied and getting told “no” instead. This makes a pretty bad first impression to younger fans and illiterate fans, and because of that, he is often watered down into this “uwu coward soft boy who cries a lot”, which he isn’t. He may seem like it, but he isn’t. The second time we see BASIL, he is at the old hangout spot, and calling for help. This… actually does imply a lot of things, one of them being suicide. He might’ve came there to die in a place where he missed, to look at the place one last time before he would commit suicide, but he was stopped by the hooligans. which most likely bullied him (even though they say they didn’t). And the last time, the sleepover, he either kills himself, or stabs SUNNY in the eye due to hallucinations and stress.

The BASIL we see here, in Faraway, is a more broken version of BASIL. He still acts and hides feelings—or at least tries. It’s not as effective as before. One thing I’d like to point out is the fact that we never really actually see BASIL do anything connected to his past interests. While yes, his photo album being missing may be a part of it, he doesn’t really take photos anymore. We don’t see him taking care of his flowers, either. Maybe he could’ve lost interest in it, as a result of the incident. One POLLY line actually does say that he stopped taking care of his flowers completely at some point before the game.

BASIL probably doesn’t eat much. We don’t see BASIL eat the food in the time SUNNY and KEL were in his house. POLLY does state that he’s been going to the bathroom a lot, too.

That aside, let’s get deeper into it. BASIL, in faraway, is most likely at the lowest point of his life. He had to see his friends leave him one by one (even KEL! even HERO!), and have one bullying him. He no longer has an outlet for his extremely bottled up emotions. He doesn’t have anyone, and his grandmother fell ill as well. POLLY is also paid to be there for him too, which means she doesn’t really count as someone he has. She isn’t close to him, either. She isn’t as close to him as the fandom makes her out to be. She cares, yes. But she isn’t close to BASIL at all. She does say it as well

The reason behind why BASIL stabbed SUNNY’s eye was because he was hallucinating, and not because he actually wanted to stab SUNNY. He stabbed SUNNY’s eye because he thought his eye was a part of SOMETHING (that… he is implied to hallucinate heavier for whatever reason), and not SUNNY. Although, it’s not completely all because of that, it’s a key part of it. His repressed anger and hatred, him being genuinely upset, as well as his desire to protect SUNNY from SOMETHING—a thing that he genuinely and wholeheartedly believes is real and something that exists in reality—is also a part of it too. This part does not mean that BASIL put his selfish desires first, this does not mean that BASIL puts his desire to keep his best friend above SUNNY’s safety. This doesn’t mean that he’s only concerned with what SUNNY can do for him and not concerned with what is best for him. BASIL was going through a breakdown, so a lot of the things he says are in this confused state where he doesn’t know what he’s feeling, what is really happening, and isn’t thinking clearly. BASIL is not doing all this with a clear head and mind. Both the safety of SUNNY and not wanting SUNNY to leave are both on the forefront of his mind, it’s just that, because of the overwhelming stress and the fact that his thoughts aren’t that clear, his method and way of protecting SUNNY is a bit “confusing”. He cares, he cares for SUNNY’s safety, but in this context, the “normal” way of caring doesn’t apply, because the situation isn’t really normal to begin with. The part where he states that he’ll end both of their pains (by murder-suicide) is most likely out of stress, because his situation is extremely stressful, and it’s sad that nobody recognizes it.

He also does use toxic positivity, saying “Everything will be okay…” even if it won’t. It’s just… less recognized.

POST-INCIDENT RELATIONSHIPS & WHAT LIES BEYOND (・・?)

BASIL, post-incident, probably also does have a lot of hidden feelings as well. This time, feelings like anger and even hatred towards his friends, an intense and deeper emptiness, and a lot more worsened negative feelings are added to it.

BASIL still thinks of himself as “weird” compared to everyone else in the friend group, especially after the incident. He feels inhuman, even worse now because if people knew what he did, he knows that they would think of him as a monster and someone unforgivable. He knows now that what he did could be considered inhuman, and feels regret for it. His problems have been intensified, his mental health took a nosedive, and so much more.

With that being said, deep down, maybe he did resent SUNNY. For leaving him when they promised that they would be there for each other. For leaving for 4 years and making him bear the brunt of the judgment. For leaving him when he needed help the most. For leaving him and letting him take fault for something he did (blacking out the photos). But he can’t help but still love him through all of that, whether you take it platonically or romantically. They are tied by a string of fate, they will find each other no matter what, and will try to forgive themselves and each other. The path to recovery is laid with hardships, and complicated feelings. BASIL and SUNNY are each other’s weakness, but each other’s reasons for going on. SUNNY’s desire to save HEADSPACE BASIL that carried on to the FARAWAY BASIL, and BASIL’s desire to see SUNNY again, if only for a while. It is not only KEL who helped SUNNY stay alive, but BASIL as well. Even if BASIL thinks that he’s too far gone to be found, if he’s someone who cannot be helped anymore, SUNNY still tries to help him. SUNNY wants to help him. It is not BASIL that forces him to, but SUNNY’s own desire. BASIL doesn’t force him to, he asks him to, but not force him. SUNNY is doing it on his own accord, because he wants to help BASIL. BASIL understands SUNNY, and SUNNY understands BASIL, both on a much deeper level than anyone else. They have hurt each other, yes, but everyone in the group has hurt each other at some point. They are each other’s triggers, but they are also each other’s sources of comfort. They are why they were able to face and accept the truth of the accident and incident. It is because of each other that SUNNY was able to accept that MARI died, and that SUNNY was the one who was at fault when it comes to MARI’s death and the accident. Even if SUNNY lost his eye because of BASIL, it is also because of BASIL that he was able to remember and face the truth of the accident and incident.

Now, to AUBREY, deep down, he probably resents her too, possibly much more than SUNNY. One thing that I’d like to mention is that bullying is, in fact, a form of abuse. I’m not calling AUBREY an abuser, but she did do fucked up things. She was a horrible person, but she wasn’t evil. He’s not calm because he understands, he’s calm because he thinks the one at fault. He thinks he deserves it. He understands, yes, but that’s not why he’s calm. He’s calm because he genuinely thinks there’s something wrong with him, and that he’s the one who needs to adjust. People who get bullied tend to think that there’s something wrong with them, that they have to be the one to adjust, especially if said person was close to you before it. Some don’t realize it’s bullying either until they reflect and think more about it, especially if they were once a friend, or a family member. Technically, what she did Is abuse, since bullying is considered abuse. It doesn’t matter if it was verbal abuse at first, it still counts as it. Verbal bullying is STILL bullying, and it is also still abuse. It’s a pretty gray area when it comes to AUBREY, because I don’t want to be too harsh and call her an abuser, but yeah. In terms of forgiveness, words and feelings don’t matter without actions, much like how actions don’t matter much without the words, which is why AUBREY does need to be treated a bit harsher by the fandom, since the bullying isn’t something you should brush off when it comes to analyzing BASIL’s character. Forgiveness from BASIL will take a long time, it’s going to be a rocky road for them to be even comfortable with each other, for BASIL to not flinch every time AUBREY tries to get close. To not feel uncomfortable whenever she even gets close. Which is not a thing that is acknowledged when it comes to BASIL.

Onto KEL. I think it’s pretty clear that KEL and BASIL haven’t interacted much before the 3 days left. KEL even acts surprised about BASIL being there, with this line.

While there isn’t much to say about them, BASIL might’ve resented him too, just not as much as SUNNY and especially AUBREY. KEL left him too, even if KEL mentioned that they wouldn’t really respond, it doesn’t stop BASIL from feeling that way. Maybe he would’ve resented the fact that he seemed to prioritize SUNNY over him, maybe he would’ve felt like he was less important to the eyes of KEL. And while yes, this may not make sense to us players/viewers because we know why KEL is knocking, BASIL doesn’t know. The mind is both rational and irrational, after all. Even if another person feels something, it does not stop someone from feeling, well, another thing. BASIL most likely doesn’t know if he should resent him or not, he knows that it might be because SUNNY’s house is marked “for sale”, but he wishes the same effort was spent for him, as well. He might’ve felt like KEL prioritized him the least, he might of thought that KEL sees him as “less”. Keep in mind, his feelings and thoughts are not necessarily true, so these aren’t facts. KEL does care, but it doesn’t stop BASIL from feeling like that. (Just thought I had to make that clear because some people might take this wrongly)

BASIL and HERO… There isn’t much to say about this segment. While it’s understandable that HERO left because of college, sometimes he does resent him for leaving like everyone else. He resents all of them for leaving, some even more because of certain factors or actions. But…

BASIL still loves all his friends. He does. He cherishes them all, but he can’t help but feel that way towards all of them. He can’t help it. He feels disgusted for feeling that way towards all of them, he feels disgusted for feeling negatively, but he can’t help but still feel it. No matter how much he tries to tell himself he doesn’t deserve to feel like that towards his friends, to think negatively of them, he will always feel these things deep down.

POST-TRUTH REVEAL FEELINGS AND POST-GAME SPECULATIONS (´ｰ｀)

Post game, a lot of BASIL’s problems go unsolved. He isn’t exactly portrayed to have reconciled with the rest. While yes, you can take the “Let’s make new memories together, okay?” line as BASIL wanting to make new memories with his friends, it’s DREAM BASIL that says that, and he, despite looking like FARAWAY BASIL, isn’t BASIL himself, so that isn’t reliable. His grandmother, his only source of comfort for those 4 years also dies, leaving him with someone who he isn’t sure he can trust due to her being there because of a job, and obligation. All that combined does just feel like instead of getting better, his problems will just fester into something worse. He’s basically alone as well. Even more so due to the reactions to the truth. SUNNY left yet again, he took the brunt of the reactions, he isn’t close to the friend group, he is still suicidal. POLLY isn’t someone who is a mother figure to BASIL. She isn’t even close to him. He doesn’t even feel comfortable with her.

… That’s not saying that the friend group won’t try to get closer to him again, because yeah, they do have a chance to try to get closer to him, it’s just that BASIL’s issues and problems go unresolved because he probably won’t open up to them for a while, or even open up to them at all. His problems still aren’t solved, either. Yeah, sure, he might admit some things, but they won’t be the closest anymore. It’ll probably take a very long time for BASIL to even warm up to them again. Might even take 2 years. Maybe he even tries to be more like himself pre-incident because he perceives it as a way for him to be redeemed in their eyes, but because of that, he hurts himself even more. He wants to be himself around everyone, but maybe he feels that “himself” isn’t who they want.

This part is mostly just speculation, although it is something that should be acknowledged more. His problems are still there, and even if you give him therapy, his problems will still be there, therapy is not something that solves your problems, it helps you until you can deal with it. It is not something that will magically make you emotionally intelligent, but more of something that helps you identify emotions better.

CONCLUSION ☆彡

Overall, I think BASIL is the character least talked about in this much depth, and often mischaracterized along with HERO and MARI. Many people fail to recognize that he’s also as tragic as SUNNY AND AUBREY are. Many people fail to recognize that his issues go far beyond the incident as well. Not a lot of people recognize that SUNNY’s issues and trauma isn’t worse than BASIL

[holybibly]

Divine Rosa  ❢ot8xreader❣ 

❣ Pairing: yandere!otx8 x reader ❣ Genre: Dark Romance, vampire au, angst, horror, yandere au, smut ❣ Summary: The moth always pours itself into the flame; what a pity that in the end it burns out. After the tragic death of her sister, MС tries to find answers to the questions she left behind. This leads her to a gated cottage town known for its luxurious rose gardens. In addition, there are also these mysterious men who manage all the affairs in the city. Too sweet, too helpful, too intrusive, and too in love. ❣ WARNING: only!18+ Themes of death, suicide, severe depression, stalking, blood, yandere behavior. ❣ Disclaimer: I don't support yandere behavior, stalking, or religious imposition. Themes include violence, obsession, possessiveness, and emotional or psychological manipulation. This book is intended solely for entertainment purposes.

English is not my native language, so if you see any mistakes, please let me know.

Published on AO3 like FleurRi

❣ Prologue: Roses scarlet like blood ❣

 Every story has a beginning: a magical, inexplicable moment—an elusive contact between reality and dreams. When thoughts emerge from the edge of consciousness, a stream of colorless letters appears on the parchment of our fate, eventually becoming an event. Life's intersections, fragments of various plots, are continuously repeated, lost, or deliberately forgotten. They are like unwritten melodies; the echo of their angelic voices follows us through life, like the bright tent of a wandering circus that incessantly makes noise. is full of tinsel, and raves with dreams.

  There are millions of them. No. Billions, like the sleeping stars, sway peacefully on the sky-blue wire; their scattered light tells the wayward souls the way in the velvet folds of the night's darkness. These are our memories. Some are dazzlingly bright, as fresh as summer breezes, while others are barely flickering, covered in the marble ashes of time and a diamond crumb of emotion. And they all live so far away and at the same time prohibitively close together, there, in the labyrinth of the underground sky and on the endless roads of the blood rivers, where it is impossible to find them: in our memory.

  Just as a pebble thrown into the ocean sinks into the murky depths, so does memory. Drowning into the viscous muddy depths without a bottom, in that rich and uncharted area that we call “oblivion,” it sinks in time. And few of us have been given the opportunity to preserve living images of memories of the feelings we have ever experienced: to drown in the bittersweet water of sorrow and joy; to fill our consciousness to the brim, like a vessel with golden honey, with the feelings of pain and keen passion, and to die. Die happy. The greatest privilege of all.

  Seconds, minutes, days, and years—colorful fragments of time; sharp crumbs scattered under our feet. Unlike us, those who plunge into eternal sleep, our memories that have insidiously dissolved in ink in our blood will not disappear. They fear death, flee from it, and hide in the thick of the earth that blossoms with fluttering glass, forget-me-nots and drunken petunias that, in their intoxicating happiness, kiss the eyelashes of the blind God. You hear them whisper, “I’ll never forget you…”

  My story begins with an innocent question that I’m sure you’ve heard more than once: “Do you like roses?”

  Once upon a time, I would have answered, "Yes, I love roses." But, as it turns out, all our words are followed by consequences, and small rosy spikes can be much more dangerous than they seem at first glance, just like in the fairy tales that we were told in childhood.   You know, there are things that we might call fatal: people who decide other people’s lives as long as they reach out to them like they're God. And then there are the flowers, which keep the mysteries tenebrous and ancient.   I'm almost a hundred years old, maybe more. I should start my story right now; this is the perfect moment.

  I will tell you about who I once was and who I am now. I will tell you about love, which is akin to obsession, and the death of her faithful friend. I will also tell you about the people, ghosts, or maybe illusions that were around me. They were with me once…   Now, there are others, but they’ll be in my story later. They will come into my life with a chorus of angelic voices; the sound of a heavy autumn downpour, and the pretentious solemnity of death. Yeah, they’ll be there, though, if you think about it, they were always there, from my first breath to my last breath, by my side.   But I’m forgetting what’s important.   I have to tell you about the roses, and only about them.

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

Mina's long hair shimmered like luxurious silk under the early morning light. Bloody strands fell in curled doll curls onto her bare shoulders, as if in Baroque paintings. The lush blossoms of white roses woven together in her hair made her look like the ancient Greek goddess of spring.   Her appearance has always been astonishing, blatantly perfect rather than real, but that was sometime in the past. Now she was like a pale ghost of herself, a blurry reflection on a black surface of water on a moonlit night. The only thing that reminded her of her former beauty was her hair, which remained perfectly groomed and scarlet, like blood. Oh yeah, there are still roses.  These flowers… there was something unnatural about them, something otherworldly. Each petal was painfully perfect, as if made of satin. But the flowers were real; they were alive and breathing and too demanding. It seemed that just because they wanted this, Mina could wear them in her hair. It was their choice, not hers.  “Do you like roses, Rosa?” · · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

This is the moment when my life changed forever. If I had known that this innocent question would be the beginning of my end, but can this be called the end? Would my answer have been different?

  I’ve thought about it a thousand times. Over and over again, I played this scene like a broken record, crossed my answer out of the script, wrote a new one, and made comments and footnotes, but…   But the answer was the same. I couldn’t change anything; it was destined. Much later, when I fall asleep in a warm bed, I will feel a gentle kiss on my closed eyelids and hear San’s angelic voice whisper in my ear that fate is never wrong. That they would find me or that I would come to them does not matter; in the end, we would still be together in life and in death. In eternity.

  I’ll come back to that later, I promise. In the meantime, I’ll continue. · · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

“They’re beautiful, Mina, but I don’t like them anymore.”  I sounded terribly rude from the outside, and I could see Mina’s eyes filled with tears, as if I had slapped her.

 “But Rosa!” Mina reached out her pale arms to me. “Look how perfect they are; don’t you care about their beauty? Doesn’t your heart beat faster when you look at them? O Rosa, these flowers are special; they never wilt.” She shook her head, as if confirming her words. “Yeosang gave them to me before I left” Her long, thin fingers reaching for the white rosebuds in her hair. “I want to give you one.” Hooking the flower, Mina gently pulled it out of her curls and stretched it towards me. I didn't have the desire to accept her gift; something in her behavior and her voice caused me anxiety. And there was this name: Yeosang. It wasn’t the first time I heard it, but it was a long time ago, and I still remember that Mina mentioned others with that name: Hongjoong, San, and Mingi. They sounded familiar to me as a song once learned by heart. She pronounced them in a special way: with a gentle intonation and an exciting euphoria. As if it had been repeated countless times at the same completely new to her.  All I could hear was the echo of that song, which came along with those names in the conversation. It was an ominous echo, like an impending, inevitable storm. Mina was still holding out a rose, and I looked at her hands. Arms with a faint web of blue veins that looked like dried stems of faint flowers. For some reason, I came up with the idea of sirens holding out their hands to pirates while their voices led them into the welcome embrace of death. Did they look like Mina’s hands now?

I remember these hands weaving long pearl threads into my hair during festivals. I remember the feeling of intertwined fingers as Mina led me down the dark corridors of my grandmother's old house. I remember them gently wiping my tears when I was rubbing my feet until I bled in ballet class.

I remember the touch of those hands… I know him. These cold fingers that so carefully hold the snow-white flower no longer belong to my sister. Their touch changed, becoming foreign and distant, as did the mysterious land where these perfect, never-fading roses grew.

Didn’t that sound like a fairy tale? Just in our history, there has been no magic mirror, no Queen-Witch whose crown shines like a star, and no apple full of poison, but there is a coffin of shimmering crystal, and a prince that sleeps in it. Of course, there are also roses—thousands of roses.

“Rosa” Mina turned to me again. “Please take them; you will surely love them. Just try to feel them…”

She put a flower in my hands. The drops of nectar froze on the wax petals, and the first rays of the dawn sun made them sparkle like diamonds. “This variety is special.” Her voice sounded soft. “It's called the Deva-Rosa. I want to show you where they grow. It’s so beautiful. I want you to come with me, Rosa. We’ll be there together, you and me.” Mina smiled dazzlingly, but something was wrong with that smile. The once-sensual kiss lips were painfully curved, the corners awfully lifted, like the forever-frozen smile of a Venetian mask, and the warm pink shade was gone.

I was always jealous of her lips. They were so tender, plump, and enticing. All her features attracted attention, but it was her lips that made Mina's beauty unique.

She shone like the sun, easily becoming the center of everyone's attention—a beautiful white swan. The main heroine of the story. 

Then there was me, only a shadow of her perfection—gloomy and pale as the moon, the complete opposite of the burning heat and the sexuality of my sister. Unlike Mina's, my features were not sensual and breathtaking; no, they were old-fashioned, like those of a porcelain doll. I didn’t find myself ugly or unattractive; just ordinary. One of a hundred million. The classic tragic heroine of a Gothic novel, someone like me, doesn’t make it to the finale.

Now looking at Mina, I can no longer see her life; her fire has almost been extinguished, leaving embers smoldering. And only her hair, like a burning sunset, was the only bright spot in her appearance. They crimson her white dress like blood rivers in the snow. 

 “Rosa, come with me.” The touch of her hands was icy and gave me a nasty shiver. It wasn’t Mina anymore. “Let's go, please. We can admire roses together. We can be together, Rosa. Remember what we promised each other when we were kids? Forever.”   Mina leaned towards me with her whole body, completely trespassing into my space, and with her intimacy came the suffocating, sugary smell of roses. It was a thick, enveloping aroma that instantly sat in the lungs. I thought that if I breathed it in deeper, these strange, unnatural flowers would sprout in my veins, intertwine with my bones, and create a new home for themselves in my body.

 “No!” I exclaimed, pushing Mina away from me. “I don’t want that, Mina. I don’t want you or those freaking roses in my life.”

  Suddenly on my feet, I took a few steps away from the pale Mina, who was staring at a rose that had fallen to the ground. Her posture was as vulnerable as that of a wounded animal, and her limp arms reached for the flower, which, surprisingly, began to darken and fade, touching the ground.   In her eyes, once radiant with happiness and dreaming, stood tears, and her lips began to tremble. It was as if a child whose beloved toy had been mercilessly abused had fallen to her knees, picked up a dying bud, and, in despair, pinned it to her lips.

“How can you be so cruel, Rosa?” Mina whispered, her lips gently touching the petals. “You hurt them; it breaks their heart. Can’t you just accept their love? Accept the roses?” She continued to kiss the petals.

 “What are you talking about, Mina? Whose love should I accept?” I asked cautiously. Her behavior began to frighten me.

 “You must give yourself to them, Rosa; I must give you to them.” Mina ignored my question, methodically kissing a faded flower. His dead petals began to fall away, slowly, baring his heart. “O Rosa, the rose is a rose; the rose is a deva; the deva is a rose; is a rose.”

 “Mina!” I called her by her name in an alarm. The entire situation had me in a state of primitive terror.   Mina began slowly swaying from side to side in time to your words, all the while continuing to say, “Rose is a rose, the rose is a deva.” It was meaningless, like the ravings of a madman.  The words were repeated in an endless circle, like a prayer or a ritual chant. Mina’s voice grew louder, higher, and higher until it broke, and abruptly she stopped all movement, standing there like a graceful statue.

  Once I admired her every move; now I want to cover my eyes so I never have to see her again.   What happened after became the most traumatic thing in my life. I can never forget it, no matter how much I want it. It seemed to be imprinted on my eyelids, and even after closing my eyes in my sleep, I couldn’t get rid of those memories.

  Her movements were fleeting, like the wings of a butterfly. Here she is before me, tense and waiting, and then her throat crosses a ragged line, and blood rushes through her body like a waterfall.

  Eyes shining from tears are wide open and so resemble smooth black pearls, and lips are opened as if waiting for a kiss.   For a second, Mina's body stretched like a thin string and then softened, falling on the grass.   I heard someone start screaming; the sound was so deafening and heartbreaking that I wanted to curl up in a ball and cover my ears with my hands, so I couldn’t hear.

  I found myself screaming. I needed to call for help; I had to call an ambulance, and I had to try to help her. Put my arms around her neck and cover her gaping red velvet wound.

  But I was yelling about something else instead.   My name is not Rosa; you hear me, Mina!   I am not her. · · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

I awoke in a frenzy, sweating profusely and with a wildly pounding heart from an endlessly recurring nightmare.

 This dream has haunted me for months since Mina’s funeral. Night after night, I have lived this sunrise over and over again. I didn’t like morning anymore; I started avoiding sunlight and hiding in the velvet folds of the night, sharing my loneliness with the darkness. I made the moon my friend, and the stars my silent witnesses.

  My memory is folded paper, folded a thousand times. Sometimes, I want to unwrap it, but not completely: open the brittle edges of the fragile sashes, smooth out the folds and creases with my fingers, spread out the time sequence. Unwrap it just a little, and then fold again, mixing letters and days, reality and dreams. I never want to open the pages where the memories of that morning are stored. Every time I get almost to the end, moments before the final, I run away to the safety of happy days.

  I try to come up with a new ending to this story, a different ending, but the dream comes to me like a cat, gently calling me into its embrace, and I find myself again in a place I don’t want to be.

  It’s early in the morning, and the sun is just rising above the horizon, shimmering like a limitless purple-pink ocean.

 In Mina’s crimson hair are snow-white roses, and her dress looks like an intricately woven ruffle and lace. Her pale hands holding flowers, her puffy lips in a painful smile, and her bare feet—the ground must be cold since it was the middle of October.  Her blood… and the roses.   And if it were possible to personify hatred and death, then for me, it would be roses.

  I hated and despised these flowers with all my heart. They brought only sorrow and gloominess into my life. The beautiful symbol of mourning solemnity.   They started it. They ended it all.

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·

I was sixteen when Mina first called me Rosa. One January afternoon, she came home with a basket of the most gorgeous flowers I’ve ever seen in my life. Scarlet like the blood of a rose, they were magnificent and perfect. From that day on, I became Rosa. Why did Mina start calling me that? She never spoke.   But she completely forgot my real name. For the whole world, I was now Rosa.   After this case, every day in our small apartment, the roses became more and more numerous, until every inch of free space was filled with scarlet buds. Their smell was suffocating, thick, and sticky like honey. It is absorbed into the skin, hair, and dissolved in the blood. It made me dizzy and nauseous, and I could taste it on my tongue with every breath.   But it wasn’t just a smell. It was a color that screamed “red,” like blood itself. It poured over our house, coloring the entire apartment in a disturbing shade.

  After that, every day in our house, the roses became more and more numerous until they filled all the surrounding space.

  Soon, they became so numerous that our house looked like a tomb filled with scarlet petals hanging from the ceiling. We've been arranging here with all honors, breathing in a haze as imperceptible as rose-scented mist. 

  In all the time I lived there, not a single flower withered. It was frightening and exciting at the same time. Day followed night, and night gave way to day; but no petal lost its pristine beauty, and no bud bowed its heavy head in sorrow. There was not a single bouquet that would dilute this velvet sea with its mourning black.

  And if that did happen, Mina cried long and hard over these flowers and blamed herself for not saving them. At night, I heard the sound of her apologies and her fanatical prayers. 

  Whether she prayed to God or to the Devil, I couldn't tell. I'll find out for whom these prayers were intended many years later.

  Roses were always sent with a postcard and a box of expensive chocolates with some intricate filling. The box was necessarily in the form of a heart. The signature was also one; once the unchanged calligraphic handwriting deduced only one phrase, “For you,”

  Mina never told me who gave her these magic flowers or why the roses didn’t wither.

  I tried to ask her these questions several times, but she only brushed them off, throwing her long hair from one shoulder to the other and angrily declaring, “You must love them; you don't need to know more.”

 Mina also dyed her hair scarlet, like roses.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. Constantly surrounded by these flowers was unbearable, and one day I packed up all my things and moved in with a friend, leaving Mina alone in her regal rosary.

  My first night away from home, away from the roses and Mina, I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned anxiously in bed hour after hour; but the dream never came, and then the phone rang. Mina called. Crying, she begged to come home, and when I asked her why, she barely whispered, “The roses are wilted.”

  I hung up, and Mina never called me again. Two years had passed. My life had changed, and I think my luck had smiled. I found wonderful friends who were eccentric and bright. I had a great and caring boyfriend, and the internship at ballet school was promising. Everything worked out perfectly, and there were no more roses.

 Until my twentieth birthday, a huge bleeding bouquet of scarlet roses tied with topaz-embroidered ribbon appeared in my new apartment. The candy box was heart-shaped, and the caption read, “For You.”

  I burned the bouquet, threw out the chocolate, and tore the note apart, and blew it to the wind.

  No one was supposed to see or know.   Even me.    Exactly eight days after these flowers appeared, I got a call from former neighbors in the apartment complex Mina was still living in.   I was urged to come and deal with the situation; the smell of rot and death was unbearable, and Mina didn't open the doors or answer the phone.   I opened the door with my key. Opening it wide, I crossed the threshold and could not contain a short scream. All the once-luxurious roses had rotted, dripping thick, stinking jugs on the floor and accumulating in gleaming poisonous lakes. Every corner of the space was occupied by large vases with black velvet buds and tall candles. After my move, Mina got rid of all the furniture, leaving only the big bed, which was now covered with dried stems strewn with thorns.

 This place was like a grave — cold and dark — where my sister was supposed to rest.   Going deeper, I found no hint of Mina's presence. Absolutely nothing.     Only putrid roses and an empty heart-shaped box.

  Mina was gone. For a whole year, I tried to find her without success. Old friends, distant relatives, acquaintances, and any other connections she might have ever had—I checked everything, but there was nothing to help me find her. It’s like she never existed.

 In the two years we’ve been apart, I didn’t know anything about her. Mina didn’t call, and when I tried to contact her, she would reply with a short message, always the same: "Roses have wilted; come back." just like the night I left her.

  All Mina had ever thought about since that unfortunate January day were these sinister roses.

  The police began an investigation. Two years after her disappearance, Mina became officially missing.

  And a year after that, she showed up at my door in the twilight of the fall morning, barefoot, in a sophisticated lace dress with a rose crown on her head. From the Mina that I knew, all that remained was her hair—long, silky, and crimson like blood and roses.

  She still kept calling me Rosa, calling me out, and promising that we’d be happy together. That it will be only us, forever. She promised to show me where these strange flowers bloom, which she called the Deva-Rose, although these were not her words, but those of someone distant and unfamiliar to me, Hongjoong.

  And then...then Mina died. The dawn painted her body in pink shades, flooded the grass with sparkling gold, and dyed the white roses of her crown scarlet. She slit her throat. Ragged a sharp spike into it. As it turned out, even the tiniest rose spikes were deadly.   It was a nightmarish and, at the same time, majestic end to her story.   The image of Mina haunts me in dreams even now—this distant gaze in her pearly eyes and a complete absence of fear of death. No, Mina wasn't afraid. She welcomed death as an old friend, graciously opening her arms.

  It was her exodus.   I remember screaming loudly. Blood thundered in my ears, and tears flowed in an endless crystal stream. I screamed that my name wasn’t Rosa; that I wasn’t her, and never would be.

  Her funeral was truly a royal one. Rain and thunder rattle in the sky, as if raising a toast in her honor. The flat haloes of the black umbrellas swayed peacefully as the guests made their sorrowful speeches.

  Mina seemed to fall asleep, dressed in an old-fashioned wedding dress, lying there like a princess, drowning in thousands of roses.   The flowers were brought at dawn. Their color was deep and dark, as if every petal was filled with the gloaming of the night. They mourned with me.   But I knew better. It wasn’t the end; it was the beginning.  Death follows life in an endless cycle of rebirth. When one flower fades, plant a new one.  Back home that night, I found a black envelope at my door, sealed with a monogram wax seal.

  It lacked an address and the sender's signature. The message was clear and concise. "I live for you, my Rosa."

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·   I went to the window and opened the curtains with my newfound determination. It’s time to stop being afraid and run away. Whatever it is, I’ll find out what happened to Mina. Let her start it all, but I’ll be the one to finish the story.   The last surviving girl.

· · • • • ✤ • • • · ·   How naive I was then, how stupid. The moth always flies to the flame, attracted by the warm fluttering light; he himself goes to his death.

I was that moth. Without realizing it, I came to my inevitable fate, which has been waiting for me for centuries, maybe longer. Their hands have stretched out since the darkest times, when the light didn't exist, and the Devil was as real as you and I. At that time, everyone knew his face, felt his hot breath on his skin.   The story I’m going to tell you isn't going to be bright and sweet; we’re going to go down to hell and come back. I'll take you through the dark woods to the horrors of uncharted lands where barefoot priestesses rock their sharp teeth in alluring smiles. I will take you to the castle where the prince rests in a crystal coffin and make you drink wine that tastes like blood.

  Now I have to ask you, "Are you afraid of the dark and what’s hidden in it?"   But my question is, "Love, do you like roses?"

[the-black-bulls]

Realization of the Day:

(⚠ huge manga spoilers for anime only below)

Yami is an actually pretty darn tragic character if you take five mins to think about it and take a good look at his history; I managed a quote based on this as a joke here, but he's indeed covered nearly every sad and tragic backstory trope in the book.

Let's see... he lost his mother who died from childbirth when he's 5-6 years old, and spent the better part of his childhood on pointless and intense training by his abusive, sexist, daughter-beater, war obsessed father; and then at the age of 13 said father forced a freaking drug on his baby sister and Yami had to witness the massacre of their clan by her hand before he took down his father for once and all to protect her before he stopped her and held the weight of all her crimes on his shoulders and left his hometown to never return again.

Then... he shipwrecked, barely surviving death, on an unwelcoming land and suffered from language barrier, culture shock, xenophobia and about every typical "Why Clover Kingdom is the Worst Kingdom in the World" key point, all lasted for two years until he turned 15 and recieved his grimoire, but prior and shortly after to it Yami was pretty much on his own with no one else to rely on or a home to return to.

The... things got better, no? He met the Faust Bros, he met Julius, he was offered a roof to sleep under and a chance to start fresh; 15 years lad who's already suffered a lot but ready to live and learn against all the odds with Nacht as his partner in crime and Morgen as his best friend... and then they both got screwed up years later when Yami, at the age of 18, wasn't around, so he only got to face the loss through a visit to the latter's grave while the former grieved his brother's death, and Yami never stopped smoking ever since.

It was right then and there when Yami decided, enough's enough, and promised to create a squad that became a home for the unlucky who shared some of Yami's experience in his past, be it the abusive family, lost of a beloved one, crippling loneliness, crime burdens, being unfit to the norms, and the list goes on. My favorite example is a threeway tie between Noelle, who is pretty much Ichika if Ichika didn't have an amazing brother, and Gauche, whose first meeting with Yami makes a hell lot of sense now that we know Yami also had a sister he threw his life for her sake, and finally Nero, who will never be able to return to her old life and is fairly content about it because she's too loyal to the person she loves to cry over homesickness.

Yami has been there, done that, experienced those, and is still going through some TraumaWorthyBullshit™ right now, and while he rarely shows negative signs of what he's been through, I like to think that he offers the Black Bulls what he always wanted to be offered.

That, by accepting them and letting them live however they want, but above all, by giving them a safe place to belong to.

In short, the Black Bulls is Yami's way to deal with the bullshit that's his lifetime worth of trauma. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[cantareincminor]

⭐ tell us what you've been DYING to talk about regarding a fic of yours!!!

Thank you dear for the open-ended question! It's funny that I solicited this type of ask and now that you've asked, I had a tough time picking something to talk about! Because I want to make sure it's interesting.

Two things about Orpheus that I look back on fondly:

Yor's feelings of denial.

I took my time with resolving all the information asymmetries for the first half of the fic, starting with Yuri's fate, then the identity reveals. On Yor's side, I really enjoyed trying to flesh out her past and how her grueling childhood and training with Garden shaped her personality and naivete. Shopkeeper told her not to ask questions and harbor doubts while on a job, because hesitation will get you killed. The time to ask questions is before you accept the job. But she took this so deeply to heart, as a psychological shield against having to murder people starting from her teenage years, that she avoided asking questions about almost anything that she didn't understand or made her afraid. When she starts to suspect Loid is not who he says he is, she stops herself from diving deeper. She tells him outright that she doesn't want to know. This is also in the context of the immense grief she's in over her brother's comatose state. Loid and Anya are the only anchors she has, and she can't stand to let Loid go and shatter their fledgling relationship and the safety it provides.

This is rather personal, as I look back on periods of denial in my own life (as I'm sure many others have also experienced as well). Times when I was so infatuated with someone that I couldn't let them go, even though we only had limited time staying in the same city and would soon have to move halfway across the world from each other. Choosing to turn a blind eye to that to savor the time we have left, even if it'll cause both of us more pain in the long run.

After Yor gives up this attitude of denial, she matures as a character, gains more confidence and isn't as afraid to ask questions anymore. This is of course with Twilight's help too, with his strengths complementing her weaknesses. I hope that this journey out of denial helps sell her character journey as a believable one.

Melinda's character

While I was writing in the first half of 2024, we didn't know all that much about Melinda other than her "strange aura" that Yor observed, and her conflicting thoughts toward Damian after the bus hijacking. Canon will probably diverge a whole lot from my characterization of Melinda as a conniving, temperamental woman who wields her power for her own ends. But still, it was so fun shaping her character, and Yor and Twilight's perceptions of her.

She's bitter at heart, resentful toward her husband for pushing her away after his life-altering operation. Resentful toward her children because she wanted more for her life than merely bearing heirs for the Desmond bloodline. She sees herself as capable and intelligent and deserving of more power and authority, but as a woman she is only able to work behind the scenes, and is still ultimately under the rule of her husband.

Privileged people like this can be a godsend if they're on your side, wielding almost unlimited resources in connections, money, and political power. It affects almost every aspect of their lives, where they tend to assume any obstacle can and should be cleared away at their orders, regardless of what their underlings have to do to take care of the problem. But when they're actively against you, you're in a very dangerous spot indeed.

When I began to assign titles to every chapter, one of my favorite chapter titles was Medea (chapter 47, a rather explosive one). I love Greek mythology and reading about the different tragic characters and trying to understand them. Medea was a witch and the wife of Jason. She bore him two children, but he was unfaithful and was probably never truly interested in her to start with, only agreeing to the marriage because she helped him on his quest for the golden fleece. He eventually left her to marry a princess for political gain. In revenge she killed her own two sons as well as the princess.

I thought this was fitting for Melinda and her resentment of her husband and children, especially her menacing attitude toward Damian. She literally wishes that he didn't exist. That she could be free of this burden. We don't know exactly why yet in canon, but such thoughts are extremely frightening.

---

Thank you again for the ask Rach! And thank you to whoever managed to read this far!

[dyns33]

Nemesis

Another story about a character I loved, that I think almost no one knows, but that deserved that I write something. Maybe Netflix will give us a series one day, since they have the rights to Nemesis, and a new comic should come out this year. If I make you discover it, it's a good thing !

Matthew Anderson had only loved three people in his life. His mother, his father and Y/N, their best friend's daughter.

Practically raised together, he adored her more than anything in the world, this innocent little girl who stared at him with big, amazed eyes as if he were the most incredible being.

She called him 'Teetee', making everyone laugh who used this nickname to make fun of him, but Matt didn't care. As soon as she reached out to him and called him, he would run to pick her up, placing a kiss on her forehead.

When they were together, he felt weird, his heart pounding, his brain malfunctioning, nervous and yet calm.

"Later you'll marry me, okay ?"

"Yes !"

"No one will love and protect you like I do. You'll always be happy, I promise."

"I love Teetee !"

They were just childhood promises of course, sweet dreams, which were shattered on his tenth birthday.

In addition to framing his parents for murders they didn't commit, later sending them to death row, the police took Y/N from him immediately.

Experienced drug dealers, the Andersons and their partners had fought back when the officers broke down the door, drawing their guns.

A bullet had hit a cop, who would end her life in a wheelchair as she deserved for her sins. But in return, they fought back without thinking, hitting Y/N in the head.

Another police officer was holding Matthew back as he wanted to go see the little girl lying in a pool of blood and his parents who were being taken away in a car.

They would never see them again.

Y/N was dead on the blow, while the Andersons was given a lethal injection after a rigged trial.

The Brotherhood found him shortly after, broken, alone, and full of vengeance.

Nemesis loved no one. Not even himself, if he was completely honest.

He took great pleasure in sowing chaos and death around him, but in the end he was nothing more than an empty shell, following his master's instructions, wearing a huge sadistic smile.

Nothing mattered anymore. The whole world could burn, there was nothing that could make him deviate from his mission.

And besides, humans were so stupid, so treacherous, so weak and pathetic. They all deserved to be crushed.

Especially the police officers responsible for destroying his life. He had been thinking about it for twenty years, planning every detail. Joe Costello and his former colleagues were all going to pay for what they had done.

Using one of his false identities, Patrice Dubois, he began by stealing several pieces of jewelry from himself, to finance the first part of his plan to push the inhabitants of Los Angeles to kill as many police officers as possible for a large sum of money.

It worked pretty well, allowing him to get rid of as many agents as possible, between those who were executed and those who decided to flee the city.

Matt was quite surprised by one of them despite everything. A young recruit who was in charge of the theft of his jewels, and who despite the danger had decided to stay to help her colleagues and protect the inhabitants.

A quick search revealed that she was the niece of Eddie Ramirez, with a story so tragic that it could have been made into a movie to make housewives cry.

Her grandparents and father had died in a car accident when she was four years old, and she had been the only survivor, even though she had been in a coma for six years.

When she woke up, her mother and uncle were so happy that they refused to let her leave them for a long time, staying at home to study and be away from the dangers of the world.

This probably explained her great naivety. Knowing nothing else, she had wanted to become like her uncle, to help others. Top of her class, she was known for being too kind, too honest, too much of a rule follower and believing that everything would end well for the good guys.

Adorable.

Matthew couldn't wait to crush her with the others, after she showed her true colors, because she couldn't be that perfect. No one was, except his sweet Y/N, buried in a small grave that he had covered with flowers every day.

It was fun to torture her with constant calls from Mr. Dubois who wanted to know where his jewelry was, and threats made to her mother who was now in a retirement home, degenerate to the point of no longer recognizing her own daughter.

"So if I ask you to choose between you and her, would it be you ?" Nemesis amused himself by asking as he visited the old woman.

"I'm telling you she's not my daughter. My brother-in-law is a bastard."

"He's dead, you know ?"

"Yeah. And then this Maggie called me, to tell me who you were, why you're doing this. I didn't know. I wanted my daughter, not a replacement. He felt bad because he put a bullet in her head and my little girl wouldn't wake up. I suspected it… But I didn't want to see. She's not my daughter."

It was rare for Matt to stop smiling. It was part of his costume. But at that moment, he was trying to figure out if she was crazy, if she was making fun of him by trying to hurt him, or if he was discovering that all this time, Y/N had been alive.

Another lie from Castello's group.

Ramirez's niece was brain dead but his sister-in-law refused to let her go. During the Andersons’ mess, he had shot a girl the same age, who looked just like her.

No one thought she would make it, but the doctors had done a great job at the hospital. Except her life was ruined. Her father was in prison, she was all alone.

He had paid the doctors. It was quick, easy, a simple new name wrote on the right paper.

It could have changed nothing. No, it should have changed nothing, as his master would probably have said, but Matthew couldn’t threaten to activate an atomic bomb knowing that Y/N was there.

It was really adorable, her attempt to hide her fear and make it seem like she could shoot him, while she ordered him to put his hands behind his head, in her pajamas and half asleep, while the bed between them was enough protection.

“I ask you one last time, on your knees and with your hands behind your head.”

“You will not shoot, Y/N.”

"I don't know what game you're playing, but I won't let you continue to threaten the city."

"You weren't part of the plan, Y/N, but thank your adoptive mother for being rather talkative."

Poor girl. She looked at him with lost eyes, which he recognized well now. It hurt him that she was staring at him with anything other than total affection.

There was still doubt in her gaze, which made her lower her weapon.

"… Teetee ?"

She didn't really remember, it was obvious. Even if her fake mother rejected her more and more clearly, she had forgotten her father's face, his name, what had happened. But she had flashes of Matthew.

For a long time, she had wondered who this smiling and loving boy was, because she hadn't been able to meet him before the accident, nor after returning home. Her uncle had joked that she had to invent an imaginary friend during her coma.

But she had always had questions about this Teetee.

It must have been a shock to her, poor thing, to discover that everything was a lie, and that the last person from her past was the psychopath covered in blood from head to cape in front of her.

In other circumstances, Nemesis would have found it amusing. But not Matt. Slowly, he pulled out his mask, which made her drop her weapon completely. As if she knew it was an important gesture.

No one knew his true face. It had been years since even his master had seen him, and the others were always confronted with his white mask or his disguises.

Y/N got scared when he jumped, crossing the bed to pin her between him and the wall. One blow, one hand around her neck, and it could have all been over.

"I promised you would always be happy, that I would protect you." he said very seriously. "I intend to honor that promise."

"Then stop all this, please ! There have been enough deaths !"

"Oh, Y/N. You are the last innocent being in this world."

He kissed her forehead, like before, taking her face in his hands to wipe away her tears, before placing a quick kiss on her lips. Enough for the sleeping drug to take effect, making her fall into his arms.

When she woke up, she would be in Seattle, far enough away that if he were to activate the bomb, she would be safe and there would be no time to come back.

Of course, Gibson wanted to know why his protégé had made the decision to spare a cop. He normally never lied to his master, but to say that he found it funny to leave an optimistic idiot alive who could run after him later was not wrong.

Needless to say, she was his childhood sweetheart, and probably a weak point that he would have to learn to manage.

One day, maybe Y/N would agree to see things the way he did. It would be a delight to have her by his side, he would love her even more. But if she remained the same, pure and naive, then Matthew hoped they could play cat and mouse for as long as possible.

[dchuntress]

cw for unedited ramblings, extremely subjective views, comic spoilers, and triggering topics pertaining to CSA |

this is my personal interpretation/idea really, but i feel that helena bertinelli's grief and anger are more than what meets the eye, and in many ways, misplaced.

it's natural to assume that her "tragic backstory" was how her family died and she was the sole survivor, which i don't deny of course is an EXTREMELY hurtful and traumatic thing to experience at that age, being helpless and leaving with that lack of closure and insurmountable survivor's guilt and the nagging question of "why? why me?"

however, whenever i read her stories, there's an undercurrent of fury, heartbreak, and sorrow in her stories, especially in her internal monologues; a persistent, unshakable anger that seems directed at something larger, something harder to name, something she wants to unleash on predators — those people who exploit on innocent lives in any way. a sort of anger that did not go away even when she avenged her family's massacre by making their killer face the consequences; a sort of loss that is extremely irreversible, a sort of upset that can't ever be healed.

this is hugely influenced by my reading of huntress (1989), as well as huntress: year one — in 1989, we learn that helena is a victim of csa at just six years. in year one, we see this scene where the hitman terrifies a young helena and rips out her cross and takes it away from her, frightening her in the process; as an adult, she takes the cross back — which feels symbolic, like she's reclaiming something she knows she was never meant to lose — and she cuts his tongue out so that he'd never call anybody a little girl again. in year one also, we see that monica is just sixteen, yet she's also getting victimised by nino angelo. when helena fails to protect monica from him by standing up for her, she puts an end to it all by inflicting violence on him, the only language monsters like him can understand.

my point is; i think helena's loss for the majority part is something abstract, something she can't put into words; she didn't have the words for it as a young child, and she is scared to have the words for it as a grown up.

she has always known that her life was never going to go smoothly either way; her life has been molded by this pervasive sort of unfairness and violation.

she wants to be a saint, but her very existence is a reminder of betrayal; in cry for blood, we find out that helena is the product of an extramarital affair, with her biological father being her family's killer on top of all that. did she do the right thing by making him pay, or did she go against what is supposed to be her nature?

this sort of insurmountable, fundamentally irreversible loss has been following her when she was just a young kid, yet to have experienced anything of the world at all; she was damaged before she could know what freedom feel like, she had to know death and murder before she could live, her life was destroyed before it even began. how do you write the eulogy for a dysfunctional family, a stolen childhood, and a fractured sense of self that never even got to develop in the first place?

and she was able to finally place her inherent anger and grief on something tangible; the murder of her family, with the inherent unfairness of why she was not killed that day. the annihilation of her family was not the beginning of it all, but rather, the breaking point; the point of emergence. her anger cannot be extinguished easily because she carries the weight of a broken world she knows from the very start she can't fix, she's doomed to lose against and die to, but she will keep on shouldering that weight every day, fighting everyday to do what she knows is right with every fiber of her beating heart. she survived, she outlived, she took lives; they are her weaknesses and her strengths in equal parts. but most importantly, she is alive, and regardless of what that means or measures or weighs, she has to go on. her story is far from over.

[beifong-brainrot]

Hi!(Sorry if I ask too many questions, I just have a ton of ideas and no one to discuss them with)

What if Bolin became a villain in Korra season 4?

He has a desire, motives and a personal reason:To help the Earth KingdomHe would start off well, but gradually he would be swallowed by paranoia, a constant desire to control everything (So that everyone would be well) and to keep people safe.

Because of what the Queen did to his family, he does not give power to Prince Wu and therefore creates the "Earth Empire"

And also the scene "Azula in the mirror" could fit into the villain Bolin.

In the mirror he sees his father (Metaphor of Bolin's innocence and kindness) and Bolin saying "Even you will think I'm a monster"

After Su and the twins tried to kill him.

And when San says "No, you're my son Bolin, a little boy"And Bolin in anger, throws an object (associated with fire, personifying the fact that because of the robber firebender, he lost his childhood and parents)

After all, for him to be a "little boy" means to be weak and naive (from season 1 to season 3)

Bonus:

The scene of Azula's nervous breakdown at the end of the series, when she literally has blue flames coming out of her mouth.

Although Bolin did not experience what Azula experienced.

Due to accumulated stress, paranoia and fear, he literally begins to vomit lava from his mouth (Fire + earth: Fire as hatred and anger, earth as stubbornness)

Oh hun you have no idea how in love I am with the concept of Bolin going villain mode. Of course, I think all of the Krew members would make interesting villains, but Bolin especially. Like Mako and Asami have got very good reason to go dark and also would be very interesting and fun villains.

But Bolin is just so... compelling. First off, he's got the tragic backstory, and he's been manipulated and used multiple times and abused at least once, he's probably struggling to find his place in life... all of which are excellent reasons for him to fall off the deep end.

Him playing a more villainous role would be very interesting too because it would be such a heel turn from his sweet bubbly self. I think he'd maintain those traits, but seeing them from the perspective of an opponent would be eerie. Especially that a lot of Bolin's previously comedic quirks, like his expressiveness and his desperation to comnect with people could easily be tweaked into genuinely tragic and disturbing. Just a few tweaks in animation, music and atmosphere could change the scenes of him being awkward and clingy from comedic moments into something much more.

Oh and combatwise he's also fucking terryfying.

Like bendingwise, Bolin is a fucking beast? He's extrenely agile and fast but he still packs a punch, which is especiallg impressive since he's probably mostly self taught. He picks up lavabending incredibly quickly, and it makes him one of the scariest benders in the franchise in my opinion because lavabending is absolutely terrifying. Like it's so op that Bolin was actively nerfed in the comics and made to only use the fucking lava disk.

I imagine the AU you're proposing would have Bolin going along a similar path he did in canon. But where in canon we had Kuvira essentially gaslighting him the whole time (fitting into the pattern set by Shady Shin, Eska, Varrick and Kai of Bolin getting manipulated and used by others for his good intentions), in this AU we would see Bolin gaslighting himself. Which he probably is capable of because I think he does a lot of in order to convince himself that things are fine, that he isn't upset with someone who wronged him, etc. And he does already gaslight himself into believing the Earth Empire is correct in canon.

I actually think Bolin would make a decent dictator?

He's rather charismatic and he knows how to influence massess. I also think he can be decently manipultive at times? I don't think he does it conciously, I'd say it could be a response trained by being in the streets. He learnt that acting a certain way, and saying the right words make people nice and more likely to help him survive or not hurt him and its a survival strategy that followed him out of the streets.

It would also honestly be fun to see him come into his own and genuinely put his foot down. Bolin can be a bit... spineless at times, his stubborn side coming out more with people he's comfortable with.

So seeing him actively giving orders, arguing with political opponents, standing up against Korra and presumably his previous friends and Mako would be a huge evolution for his character. Whether that be evolving for better or for worse, we'll see.

[Everytime I watch Bolin slap Varrick it's free seratonin]

If Bolin had a villain arc, you could actually make some nice parallels between him and Azula, just as you said.

They're both very charismatic people who can manage a crowd, but struggle and become awkward in more intimate settings.

They're both prodigal benders who have mastered an incredibly lethal form of their bending. And yet despite these achievements, they still struggle to find their place in the world, nothing seems to fit. [Because the writers do not love them]

The concept of Bolin having hallucinations of San is interesting, though it would mean that his mental health had deteriorated severely, which is sad.

Though since Bolin looks so much like San it wouldn't be a big stretch for him to look into the mirror and see his late father.

I don't know exactly how Bolin would be able to vomit lava, unless he somehow ingested dirt...? But it is a cool visual and I can see his breakdown incorporating the earth around him cracking into lava.

I think Bolin struggling with his innocence and being perceived as childish is a very good theme, and I am sad that it wasn't explored more. And having Bolin come to resent it and go villain mode is certainly a way to do it . It's a theme I wanna get into more in my own fics lol.

Also the impilcations this AU would have for weilin are... problematic but also wonderful. I feel like Wei would just be trying to murder him all the time tho. Mm kinky lol.

[m0rtems]

( AISHA DEE . female . she/her ) — blasting YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KID by taylor swift down main street we’ve spotted MAE HOLLINGSWORTH sporting their long lavender gloves. the TWENTY-EIGHT year old WITCH who’s been in town for six months often can be seen walking the trails, stargazing in the observatory, spending evenings in the old haunt, or working as an EMPLOYEE at MADAM DUALA'S APOTHECARY. people say they display witty and standoffish traits, but we rather trust their vibes: plants scattered across a small kitchen, photos tucked out of sight, 2 am walks in the forest. also, we’ve heard they love HERBOLOGY ! aren’t they fascinating ? ⸺ written by CASSIDY ( 27 . she/her . est . )

BASICS.

full name: marjorie "mae" hollingsworth age: 28 place of birth: seattle, washington pronouns: she/her. orientation: bisexual. family: naomi hollingsworth, mother; whereabouts unknown. unknown father. zachariah hollingsworth, older brother; no current communication.

below is a condensed version of mae's backstory! mae is a character i'm reusing from about seven years ago, so this is kinda under construction as we go.

mae was the result of a drunken one-night stand. she has never known her father nor had any real desire to track him down, though she did go through a curious phase as a preteen. what she did have were her mother and her half-brother, seven years older than mae. her brother was always good to her, and despite the age difference between them, was her dearest companion throughout childhood.

their mother, due to addiction, was unable to hold down a job and tended not to spend the little money they had on food for her children. while naomi never explicitly said as much, it was apparent to mae from a very young age that both she and her brother were unwanted. zachariah, even young as he was, was mae's primary caretaker.

as she grew into a preteen, mae came to understand that her brother had likely been working under the table or more likely, stealing, in order to provide for her. by now, he was a teenager and had a real job along with work on the side, and he was so tired all the time, which she now understood was due to his efforts to provide for a growing girl on his own. she often heard he and an naomi arguing over money and over his struggle to do it alone.

at fifteen, her powers made themselves known in a tragic way. she got into a fight after school one afternoon, and experienced what felt like a pulse of electricity throughout her body, ending at her hands. the classmate died instantly, and mae had never thrown a punch. she ran. the death was ruled an aneurysm.

after this, strange things began to happen around her. a plant died at her fingertips. she was terrified to touch her brother or friends, constantly jittery and on edge. when she was upset, an overhead light fixture shattered. in the end, petrified of hurting her brother, mae decided to remove herself from the equation. she ran.

from then on she lived on the streets, stealing and taking odd little jobs to survive. around eighteen, she found a job at a tiny metaphysical shop, and the owners allowed her to stay in the back room. from there she was able to slowly, slowly scrape enough together to begin building a life for herself, but she has maintained a nomadic lifestyle over the last decade -- until now. she may not stay forever, but for now, she is happy in portum.

personality / other stuff

she wears gloves at all times. she has not touched anyone with bare hands since her classmate's death, and not having the gloves causes her paralyzing anxiety. she has never been able to face her fear in order to try and master that aspect of her powers, though she knows deep down now that she could learn to control it and has learned a lot more about her other abilities. she doesn't even work with plants without the gloves.

she's on the standoffish side and has a temper. she's pretty distrustful of others and quick to engage in verbal aggression if someone else starts it or she feels threatened, because she does have a hairpin trigger style temper. initially this all started as a fear of getting close to anyone / killing them re her powers, but has also evolved into this distrust / unwillingness to let in. she's had less than great experiences with most people before coming to portum.

that said she's not that bad! she also will make herbal concoctions / spell jars / spells in general when asked and has a sort of "side business" doing that but not really because she doesn't accept payment more often than not and just does it to help. she LOVES working with plant magic. also loves stargazing and walking the forest at night when it's just her and the nocturnal townsfolk.

when she does befriend someone she is fiercely loyal and can even be sweet. she's never told anyone what happened to that classmate or the plants that died at her fingertips.

would love some pre-established connections or for someone to make her brother! friends, acquaintances, people that get their spells from her, even a potential romantic connection! i'm super down for anything.

[toxycodone]

hellooxy. itsmeagain. here with another invasivequestion!! as a person who hasnt experienced any (diagnosed) mental health things, what are urs like? ik u have depression is there anything else? pls share more than tiktok self diagnosis symptoms/life things if possible

-urs truly, 🔍 anon (bc i am Studying You)(if you dont alr have one)

I got you!

I have (diagnosed via tests by psychiatrist):

ADHD (combined presentation, severe) basically

Depression (bad. Unfortunately. Especially before my cycle it’s. Oh. Oh it’s bad.)

Anxiety. (REALLY BAD. UNFORTUNATELY. This is my biggest opp.)

Undiagnosed:

Autism (but this is theorized by my therapist/psychiatrist. It’s not like. Me assuming. My psych is certain I’m autistic but we haven’t tested bc like. She doesn’t see a point unless I want to get specialized therapy.)

ummm basically they make me my biggest hater!! My brain is like “you should kill yourselr now!” All the time and I’m like *takes medicine* “hmmmm I don’t think I will <3”. But I think that’s why I’m such a nice person? Bc I struggle a lot so I really relish in being happy and kind.

I also like. Am really impulsive. And do shit for the hell of it. And be crazy. And do things just for pleasure all the time. And it makes me kinda angry when people like me. I’m not used to being touched w a gentle hand or spoken to with kind words. I’m like. Edgy or ehatecer

idk some people have told me I might have BPD. Or PTSD (this one I can see actually and I’m going over it w my therapist).

I had a pretty awful childhood. And my mom didn’t shape up until I was old enough to be doing things myself (I taught myself to cook, clean, etc.). So. Yeah. Complicated life tragic backstory blah blah blah. Cringe,