#she doesnt need my trash especially since i havent physically seen her in like 3 years. and i cant help her the way she helps me.
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my dad will comfort and hold my crying mother to the ends of the earth but me? Oh I'm actually less conversationally important than the fucking WWE Goldberg biopic
#'and nobody fucking cares' 'i dont think thats true'#what the fuck would you know. you won't even look at me.#if im sobbing he'll continue to discuss whats on the tv.#and i wish i didnt have to fucking say anything about it to him to begin with but its months for counselors.#my friends have it worse than me. just reconnected with a highschool friend who is amazing at grounding me but shes 22 with fucking fibro.#she doesnt need my trash especially since i havent physically seen her in like 3 years. and i cant help her the way she helps me.#nobody will listen. when they do: im a mentally ill stereotype and an annoyance. its not unrealistic that people would see me this way.#its horrible.#and because i am mentally ill and distressed no one wants to acknowledge why im distressed: physical fucking symptoms#if i suffer for 2-3 more months and then get treated and better then thats. well. something.#if my head is right and im unreparable or i die i want it to be said that i fucking hate everyone for not listening.#this klonopin is taking too long to hit. i just want to be fully sedated into a coma until they can fix me.#i dont ever want to look at anything. even when im happy or enjoying myself im mortified by how my world is now.#ive been dissociating for years but never this. everything looks fucking wrong. sleep brings no comfort. the spins come at night.#tomorrow im going to call about klonopin and see if theyll let me have more. not taking it every day. but honestly. in terms of peace#of course. my doctor also recommends ketamine. haha. thatll be something.#ok. i think my brain is slowing .#fuzzy.#personal#delete later#vent //
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