#she does think i am big brain though so yippee!!

[silverscreenlipstick]

okay so my best friend of 6 years (holy shit that’s long) is reading my oneshots for the first time and… i don’t think she’ll be able to look me in the eyes anymore.

[crystaldoodler]

A very long post of doodles relating to @theminecraftbee ‘s smallishsona AU (sorry for the tag again). I think of this AU while wandering Tartarus, so, I’ve had a lot of time to think. This post is really long and has a lot of rambling so, I’m putting it all under the cut. I’m sorry world I have too many words and rambles in me

First up, character designs!

I used primarily their mc skins for design, with only a few rl things thrown in. But, I didn’t bring them up so the colors are off a bit.

Starting off with Joel:

He’s following the persona protagonist tradition of mostly wearing the school uniform correctly, but with some minor embellishments. I’m still debating whether or not to add more, but w/e. His signature color is green.

Then Skizz and Impulse:

The greatest dichotomy of time to design, Impulse I knocked out on the second go, but I’ve done many iterations of Skizz and I still am not satisfied with this design. The ripped sleeves looked too out there (to me, at least) but nothing else seems to work so I settled for the shirt under uniform shirt look. Something I struggled with that these two emphasize is making them look like teenagers, and what they look like, and also keep to the anime style, and also my own incompetence with drawing facial features so It’s something all of these lack in. Impulse is yellow, and Skizz is blue.

Scar and Grian are next up, Scar’s facial Scar is from summoning his persona, because he stabbed himself in the face lol. Not much to say about these guys, I settled on orange for Scar and red for grian, which I am still struggling with beacause mumbo:

is ALSO red. So I guess they are just, both? red? If you look at the party select screens in persona though, the characters have pretty strong color coding, so I guess I’ll figure something out. If anyone is still reading: help. Anyway, mumbo wins the award for wearing the uniform the most normal (except for the tie)

Last but not least, Gem!

She’s wearing a longer skirt than the usual uniforms and also some big-ass boots. Also, she’s a sea monster thing? So, I was thinking, staring at SEES cool new uniform things and thinking about the Phantom Thieves and how cool their outfits are and realized the persona games have at least some design change to separate their daily looks from shadow hunting. Even if it is only glasses in p4 lol. So, I thought maybe weapon holsters? but, that seemed a little too generic. So! I decided to combine how I normally draw the hermits (and a lot of the fandom does) as having non-human traits as the big things setting their combat looks apart. It is both a) fun to draw, b) creates an eye catching and distinctive design for combat and c) is really funny. I thought it was funny so I drew a comic about it:

and here’s a sketch of what everyone looks like and also the transformation gives them very distinct eyes, for no reason other than I think it looks cool:

mumbo is a normal human btw (or at least, he appears to be)

Welp,that’s all I got. If I look at these drawings any longer I will hate them so here they are, yippee. Also, Bee/OP, sorry for exploding; I am into persona and hermitcraft right now so this AU is like a perfect storm to give me brain rot.

[hermanunworthy]

!DNDADS S2 EP34 SPOILERS!

here are my thoughts on the new episode!!! this time im actually writing them out in real time. ive been so so excited for this one

- no normal fact damn. thats okay though will i support

- oh god are they doing this w their comedy personas.

- IM SO NERVOUS FOR THIS STRANGER I CAN ONLY IMAGINE HOW SHES FEELING ABOUT THIS LMAO

- i love how tori didnt even get an introduction to scam it was just like oh yeah theres a guy here named scam likely

- LINK JUST SHOWING GARFIELD ON HIS PHONE lincoln li wilson bless ur soul

- somehow the audio quality of link being on a microphone extra loud makes this so funny

- istg the moment hermie has a line im gonna scream and jump up and down

- ANTHONYS IN FUCKING JOKER MAKEUP????

- THE COMPLETE SILENCE AFTER THE PLANES JOKE.

- i literally forgot that disney movies have anime remakes now in dndads i was so confused for a sec WAIT TORI DOESNT KNOW THIS OMFG IMAGINE HER CONFUSION

- WAS NOT EXPECTING THE SUDDEN TAYLOR ANGST HE WAS SCARED ABOUT HIS MOM DYING AS A KID??? ARE U JOKING??

- honestly though i think taylor opening up like this through comedy makes sense

- link is so supportive of taylor awwww

- BETH MAY PREPARING MISOGYNISTIC JOKES WHILE EXPECTING TO PERFORM FOR A MAN HELPP

- NORMAL IS LAST OH GOD

- OH GOD HES TRAUMADUMPING TOO

- i think its so funny and ironic how scary is the only one who doesnt drop lore about her family in her set

- OHHHH MY GOD THE CHAPARRAL ROAST. OH YEAH. I LOVE THE DIRECTION WILLS GOING W THIS (NORMAL DOESNT GET MAD HE GETS EVEN)

- HERMIE SAID A SINGLE WORD I REPEAT HE GOT ONE WORD IN FOLKS

- WILL IS SO GOOD AT THIS. GOD

- HERMIEEEE

- THE WAY MY FACE FUCKING FELL WHEN HE STARTED DIRECTLY ROASTING HERMIE. OH NO

- "im sensitive about that :[" MY LITTLE GUYYYYY NO

- NOOOOO NORMAL WHAT ARE U DOING THIS IS SO MEAANN THIS IS TOO FAR

- HERMIE IS CRYING???? OMFG NO

- NORMAL TOLD HERMIE HE LIKES HIM!!!!!

- will campos is carrying this entire episode

- GOTHCLEATS????

- IM LESS THAN HALFWAY THROUGH THE EPISODE AND I AM ALREADY LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND

- hermies up now i am so fucking scared. this episode is NOT going the direction i thought it would omfg (not complaining at all im just in shock)

- *applauds hermie along w tori* (I CANT BELIEVE ANTHONY IS DOING THIS W JOKER MAKEUP)

- HE JUST HAS DC JOKES.

- thanks for the existential crisis/aging/suicide jokes hermie i really needed that on my bday 😅😅 /s

- IS HERMIE OKAY????? THERE WAS SM TO UNPACK THERE. I CANT DO THIS

- "im saying were all thinking about how i would be better off dead" IM KILLING MYSELFFFF

- nobody hmu ever again /j i am never going to stop thinking about the fact that hermie is canonically suicidal

- TORI SCORED LINCOLN HIGHER THAN TAYLOR LMAO

- HERMIE LOST.

- i had to take a big ol break just to process that shit. fuck. this is somehow making me even more insane hermie brained wtf

- HERMIE IS TELLING THEM TO JUST KILL SCAM???

- THE FACT THAT I JUST DID A DRAWING OF SCAM AND HERMIE WHOLESOME FATHER SON BONDING BEFORE THIS EPISODE. GOD

- "u dont like me, u idiot" 😦

- MY FUCKINGGGFG FACE RN. I. I

- NORMAL IS TALKING ABOUT MARRIAGE WTF

- IM LITERALLYYY GETTINF OAKWORTHY CONFESSION SCENE. ON MY BDAY.

- HERMIE DIDNT DO IT FOR HIS SCHOOL???

- HE. HE. HE DID ALL OF THIS FOR HIS DAD. HES LITERALLY JUST LIKE ME FR.

- WHAT THE ACTUAL FUUUUCK. OAKWORTHY NATION. WE ARENT REALLY WINNING BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

- THIS IS LIKE WHEN GLENN WAS SAYING THE ONLY THING LEFT FOR HIM IS TO KILL HIS DAD THIS IS SO UPSETTING

- ANTHONY ASKING IF NORMAL ACTUALLY GENUINELY LIKES HERMIE. I CANT DO THIS

- GUYS WE GOT AN ANCHOR BREAKING W LOVE BC OF OAKWORTHY. JUST LIKE WE WANTED

- will campos really holding on strong for us. normal is gonna fix hermie if its the last thing he does ig

- THE BABY AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SEASON WAS STEWIE????

- THERES STILL LIKE ANOTHER HALF HOUR LEFT I FEEL SICK

- NICKYS BACK i wasnt expecting him this episode yippee

- THEYRE IN SPACE. AND HERMIE IS THERE. THIS IS THE PERFECT EPISODE FOR ME

- im being so serious guys when i say i think this may be my fave episode of the whole season so far it is boggling my mind and smashing my heart to pieces and im loving it

- "u can be polygamous in space" there are so many good lines this episode

- I LOVE HOW EXCITED BETH IS ABOUT THE TELEBANGLE

- i also love whenever freddie talks about sciencey mathy stuff that i dont understand

- ARE THEY SERIOUSLY ALL MARRYING EACH OTHER??? IS THIS REALLY WHATS HAPPENING???? HELPP

- SCARY SIGNED AS TERRY. W A HEART. YALL.

- THIS EPISODE IS A FUCKING FEVER DREAM I SWEAR

holy fucking shit. what a rollercoaster. so yeah guys i think that was my fave episode of the season wow. what a bday gift to me. herman unworthy is just like me fr. i am going to take an eternity to recover from this.

[stephfights]

First post...waiting for my fate

You have a lump.  Wait, what?  My entire life was about to change.  But let me back up and tell you what has led me to this point.  At 38 years old I have been relatively healthy my whole life.  Mean as a snake, country as cornbread and loyal to a fault....that’s me.  But not sick.  I married my soulmate, Chris, in 2003 and had our son (my angel), Clayton, in 2007.  I was a stay at home mom for the first 8 years of Clayton’s life.  I then decided it was time for me to get out of the house and I have now been working at Kroger for over 4 years.  I have a wonderful family, the BEST friends ever and the most awesome customers anyone could ask for. 

In the last couple of years my hair seems to be thinning more that it always has.  I am always hot...not warm....HOT!  I sweat uncontrollably...mostly from my head/face/neck by just doing simple tasks.  I don’t sleep well.  I have gained quite a bit of weight that will not go away.  And I have more acne now than I ever had in high school!  But...I am that person....that person who doesn’t really care for doctors and thinks nothing bad will ever happen to them.  I am the strong one.  I take care of everyone else.  I guess that is what has gotten me to where I am today.  I have spent so many years taking care of everyone else that I put myself on the back burner.

Fast forward to May 2019.  I wake up with a horrible case of vertigo.  Drunk as pet monkey and vomiting I go to the local family physician’s office that I have been going to for 5 years (only for small things like the flu)  Of course...there was a new nurse practitioner.  This was about the 5th different one in the last 3 years.  He started asking me questions about my medical history...and wanted to know why I hadn’t had a well care check up in years.  I told him I didn’t have time...and I didn’t really see the point. At this time my husband shows up at the office.  He has left work because he thinks his wife, who never gets sick, must be on her last leg.  He made me promise before I left that I would come back and have that visit.  Then he lectured me about smoking.  That’s right, I have been a cigarette smoker for 22 years.  I smiled and thanked him and went on my way.

Over the summer Chris starts riding my ass about my promise to the NP to have a well care check up.  He then proceeds to tell my best friend, Amber, who also rides my ass.  After getting tired of listening to them I finally agree just to get them to shut up!

August 2019.  I go for my well care visit.  I decide if I’m going to do this I might as well tell him every little thing that I think is “wrong” with me.  I have had a large thyroid for many years (thanks Dad) but never had any problems with it.  I haven’t had a thyroid ultrasound or blood work in 10 years.  He thinks that may be the cause of some of the symptoms I am having.  So I agree to do both.  The blood work comes back perfectly normal.  The ultrasound shows a goiter and 2 small cysts.  No big deal really.  He didn’t do anything else.  He doesn’t do pap smears or breast exams.  So I think I am home free!  But he wants me to see a specialist.  Just to see what they think.  I am referred by one of my customers to an Endochronologist at Vanderbilt.  Of course I can’t get in until November 4th.  I was pissed but what could I do.  I wanted to see the best.

November 4th comes.  Chris takes off work to go with me.  I have to admit...I was SO nervous.  I don’t know why.  I just don’t like doctors.  After self diagnosing on the internet (don’t EVER do that)  I was convinced I had a brain tumor.  Dr. Craig Sussman comes in and is the nicest man I have ever met.  Like Mr. Rogers nice.  I was totally at ease.  He asked about a million questions and answered any questions I had.  He wants to do an exam from the waste up.  I’m like okay...whatever floats your boat.  So I put on a lovely (enter sarcasm) gown and he comes back in to do a breast and thyroid exam.  Right breast...all good.  Left breast....he finds a lump.  I couldn’t believe it!  I made him show me where it was.  Then he showed Chris where it was.  Damn, it was large!  Where did that come from and how did we miss that?  Even though I had not been to a female doctor in about 8 years I still did a self breast exam.  A lot of times at night while I was laying in bed watching TV.  Dr. S then does a thyroid exam but doesn’t really feel anything worrisome.  I can tell his worry is about that lump.  He wants to schedule a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound.  Of course...he tells me it is probably a cyst.  I still had a super uneasy feeling.  My mom has had several breast cysts and I think maybe I have inherited it from her.  So I schedule the tests....and wait for 2 weeks until that appointment.

November 18th.  I have dreaded this for 2 weeks.  I have heard all of the horror stories about how horrible and painful a mammogram is.  I do not like pain...in fact...I’m kind of a wuss.  I ask Chris what if the scans do show something.  But he doesn’t really want to think about that.  I am hoping he can come back with me for the tests....of course they will not let him.  I am literally shivering with tears in my eyes waiting for my mamm.  The tech, Jessica, is so wonderful.  She tries to calm my nerves and gets me in position for the first picture.  Beep...that’s it?  Yep....a mammogram is nothing.  I thought they were going to try to squeeze my boobies as flat as a pancake.  I knew that wasn’t going to work!  But it is literally as easy as an xray.  Jessica laughs and we go on and finish all of the scans.  You have to have a lot more pictures with a diagnostic mammogram as opposed to a screening mammogram.  Then onto the ultrasound.  It’s your typical u/s with the sticky gel and them pushing on you with the little flat scope.  I watch as she measures and pauses.  Then she goes up into my arm pit.  I’m thinking hey...I know my boobs are not perky anymore and they ain’t way up there, but I let her do what she’s doing.  Trying not focus on the weird position she has me in and the cramp that is developing in my shoulder.  She then goes and gets the radiologist.  I know something must be up...but maybe it’s just my fat non perky boobs not cooperating.  She pushes and pauses, pushes and pauses and they whisper back and forth.  Telling me that they are just looking for certain things.  After they finally get done...they ask if my husband is with me.  They are going to give me my results today.  Yippee...I don’t have to wait another flipping week and worry about this!  They go get him and put us in a little room and I tell him that it was “easy peasy” and I don’t know why I was so worked up over it.  We sit there and laugh about how dumb I was and how crazy I had been leading up to this appointment.  Then the radiologist comes in.  I swear she must be some kind of angel.  Her name is Dr. Sara Harvey.  She is sweet, kind and gentle.  She sits down, looks me in the eye, and says you do have a mass and it is solid.  Solid?  Cysts aren’t solid?  She continues with you need a biopsy ASAP.  Do they biopsy cysts?  Nothing is making any sense.   I look up at her and ask is it cancer.  She says yes...I am 90% sure it is.  At this moment my whole world changes.  I can’t look at my husband.  I can’t look at her.  I can only look at the ground and think wow, so this is how I’m going to die.  Chris takes over and asks if we can do the biopsy that day.  She leaves the room to go see what can be done.  As she walks out and the door clicks shut I lose it.  I am sobbing uncontrollably.  Begging my husband to tell me what I am suppose to do now.  He has no words.  He just holds me.  Dr. Harvey comes back in and says the biopsy can be done at 1:30 that afternoon....or the following Monday.  Again, I can’t speak.  So Chris tells her we are going to do it that day.  I finally find my voice and ask her who would be doing the procedure.  She says there are a number of radiologist who can do it.  I don’t want them.  I want her.  I don’t know why but I feel this weird connection with her.  She tells me if I want her to do it then she will change her schedule around and do it.  We leave the office and have an hour and half to wait before I have to go back for the biopsies.  I can’t eat, I can’t think, I can only sit and cry.  Chris starts making phone calls.  To my dad so he can pick up Clayton from school.  To my best friend, who is absolutely beside her self.  To my boss, who is not only my boss but a wonderful friend.  To my brother, who lives 9 hours away.

That was the shortest hour and a half in my life.  As I said before, I do not like pain.  But I REALLY do not like needles!  I have no tattoos, I refuse to take shots, IV’s send me into a panic attack.  But I know I am fixing to have a huge needle suck in my left breast.  And again my husband cannot go back with me.  I have to do this by myself.  I am taken back to a room and the nurse goes over exactly what they are going to do and any complications that could arise after.  Dr. Harvey comes in....and wraps me in a big hug.  I cry and cry.  And she just keeps on hugging me.  I lay down on a gurney and they put a warm blanket on me.  Dr. Harvey explains that she will tell me every little thing she is doing before she does it.  First things first is another ultrasound the see exactly where she wants to start.  Then it’s time to numb me up.  I have expressed my fear of needles and they both tell me how great I am doing.  She says it will be a little bee sting and BAM....that is one big ass bee!  I’m not going to lie and tell you that it didn’t hurt....because it did.  But it slowly became numb.  Then BAM....there’s that damn big ass bee again.  She continues over and over until she thinks we are good.  Here comes the biopsy needle.  Which I learn is a core biopsy so it is a much larger needle.  It is so large that she has to cut a slit in my breast with a scalpel to insert it.  She puts it in and it doesn’t really hurt.  It doesn’t feel good but it is tolerable.  She tells me I will hear a click....CLICK....she’s got it.  I am thinking that I am so glad this is over.  Then she tells me that she needs more.  She wants to make sure she has enough so there are no questions later.  I tell her to get extra.  I do not want to do this again!  Click, click.  Okay I’m going to make it.  When she inserts the needle for #4 I feel a sharp stab.  Seems she has to go very deep for this one.  So more numbing meds for me.  Click, click.  She ends up doing 5 total biopsies.  They are telling me how proud they are of me and how strong I am.  I don’t feel very strong.  In fact I feel like I have been beat down.  Both emotionally and physically.  I will get the results in 2-4 business days.  So guess what....more waiting.

Chris stays home with me on Tuesday to make sure I am okay.  My mom comes down and stays with me Wednesday and Thursday.  And we sit and wait.  Every time the phone rings I am looking at the caller ID wondering if this will be the call.  At 2:45 my mom leaves to go pick up Clayton at school.  At 2:48 the phone rings.  It is the call I have been waiting for and I am here by myself.  The lady on the phone must be a saint.  There is no way I could do her job.  “Mrs. Preston I am so sorry to tell you that your biopsies have come back and it is malignant.  You do have cancer”  And just like that.  I am now a cancer patient.  I start trying to ask questions but she doesn’t know any more details.  I am set up with an appt on November 26 with an oncology surgeon and a medical oncologist.  Wow, I get 2 specialist.  She tells me I will find out exactly what type of cancer I have and what stage it is at those appointments.  So once again....we wait.

The worst part of this was having to tell my 12 year old son.  The first thing he said was “But Mom I don’t want you to die”  Yeah...try not to cry after that!

It is a very weird feeling waiting to see if you are going to live or die.  Can this be treated or are they going to give me a certain amount of time to do the things I have always wanted to do?  I do know that I am a fighter.  I have went thru being scared and sad...and now I am just pissed off!  Breast cancer will not beat me!  I have to watch my son grow up!  I can’t kick the bucket and have my husband bring some hoe up in my house!  My parents are not going to have to bury a child!  And my brother will not be an only child!

I am ready for the news tomorrow.  Let’s get going on get this done so I can get on with my life!  Cancer can kiss my ass!

Love to all,

Stephanie Preston