#she does not want to get it surgically removed because there is a five (5) percent chance she wont survive surgery

[clownpassing]

This whole situation w my mom is just. So sad

[iforgotmyfandom]

Presenting The Logic of my Mother, Movies Addition

Feat. Quotes during the movie (mom is white letters, I’m purple, my sister is blue”

What is okay to watch (aka, my mom got me/us to watch it with her, or she let us butt in):

Interview With A Vampire:

“Stop trying to censor the boobs for yourself. You have them too.”

“Something sad’s about to happen. Do you girls (eleven and eight) want to watch something else?” (We did not)

“I knew you were gonna be sad when the girl died. Bed time” we never got around to finishing it.

Halsey’s “If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power” movie:

[first scene plays] “I feel like we missed something.”

“It’s artistic”

“I hope the baby’s not the king’s”… “Oh. I guess it is.” “…Or not?” “So…. He was gonna r*pe his wife, but the poison kicked in before he could get his pants down.”

“That witch is cool”

“Ooh! I love this song!”(x5)

“Ignore the sex and nudity. It’s artistic!”

“She filmed all this pregnant” “Yeah, I know. You showed me her instagram.”

“Is the baby a boy or a girl?” “I don’t know. They have one of those weird gender neutral names”

“So she was impregnated by a mirror demon version of herself.”

“STAY AWAY FROM MIRRORS, LADY!!”

“That witch is cool”

Practical Magic:

(My sister was not allowed to watch this one)

“Don’t worry. It’s a cult classic.”

“It’s about sisters”

“That’s Belladonna. It’s a sedative, but if you take too much, you’ll die.” “They give him too much, don’t they?” “You’ll have to watch and see”

“Those are their aunts, who raised them.”

“They look just like their aunts”

“Don’t worry.”

Good Omens:

“It seems like something you’d like.”

“When I watched this the first time, you were just barely too young to watch it.”

“What just happened????”

“They’ve been married for at least a century.”

(Episode 5) “You can watch this (barely a sex scene but still a) sex scene because it’s something you will experience at some point.” “Okay….?” (<———Questioning aspec)

Kill Bill 1:

She let us watch the part in the second or third movie where The Bride takes eyepatch lady’s other eye and kills her when I was like seven or eight (making my sister four or five) and my sister spent the whole time we were watching this one asking, “When does she remove that one person’s eyeball?”

*explains the whole plot because we sat down halfway through*

“Yeah, you can watch, but if it gets too bad, I’ll turn it off.” *lets us watch the whole part of the movie set in Japan*

“It’s very violent and r*pey

[about Go-Go] “that’s a very high pitched voice.” [Gogo uses regular voice] “That’s not… I think the high-pitched voice is for her unhinged ‘aesthetic’” “Yeah, she’s a little kooky.”

*explains why all the goons aren’t attacking at once* “so.. it’s like a video game.” “Yeah. Where there’s more and more and more and more and then the boss fight” “that’s exactly what it’s like.”

“And right when she can see color again, the lights go out. Wonderful. SHE JUST GOT OVER HER FULL COLORBLINDNESS AND NOW THE LIGHTS ARE OFF!!”

“That’s some interesting lighting…” “It’s so they have silhouettes.”

“And there’s a room full of dying people.”

My mother, a surgical nurse: “That lady should be dead right now. Unless someone gave her a tourniquet.” “Yeah. That amount of blood is too much, but she should be dead either way…” “Thats where the Subclavian Artery is. We’ve had people die in surgery because their subclavian arteries were cut. And there were people there trying to save them.”

*spends the whole movie explaining its symbolism and meaning*

Currently on the list of things that are not okay to watch (feat. The reasons):

Deadpool:

“I’ve only ever read about it.”

*reads why it’s rated R* “…Graphic sex and Violence. I bet we can’t watch it because of the graphic sex.” “I’m more worried about the violence.”

(According to my mother) if you see something with violence in it, you’ll think it’s okay (said to someone who was more mature and had a better understanding of morals at age five than most adult men)

Bonus: Whatever’s in Deadpool can’t be worse that what’s in Kill Bill

Birds of Prey:

“‘A family (including a young girl and her parents) are graphically murdered by the main villain, Black Mask.’ Uhh… no.”

Violence again

[not-poignant]

Are Efnisiens stab wounds ACTUALLY very prominent or bad? I guess it's hard for me to imagine cos he has such a bad opinion of himself. Is it just the classic "stab wound scars" on google images? I am so glad Arden treated them so soft and gentle. Did he end up getting the oil or cream for them?

This is actually answered a fair bit in the story, both in Spoils of the Spoiled, and Falling Falling Stars.

In the first, while we don't see Efnisien's scars, it's made plain that through Efnisien's own actions, he's placed in four-point restraints and has required more surgery, further opening three of his wounds. If you open a wound that has just been closed, tearing the stitches, it will scar worse than before, because you've basically ripped apart already damaged skin, and surgeons will often have to remove that damaged skin, widening and lengthening the scar as they go. The less skin they have to work with, and the more damaged (and infected) the skin around the wound, the worse the scars are.

We know Efnisien needed 70 stitches, which is way more than what the average person needs for five 'neat' stab wounds. In fact, for neat stab wounds, they might even use a combination of glue, steri-strips and internal stitches. 70 external stitches is a pretty huge amount in a day and age where there are lots of techniques to minimise stitches, especially in places where no cosmetic surgery is needed. To give you an idea, I have a 30 centimetre scar on my inner thigh that only ever had 6 stitches and was otherwise dealt with with internal stitches and steri-strips. And I have a 25 centimetre scar on my neck that was dealt with re: 20 staples (because they wanted the scar to heal more neatly.) I'm still nowhere near 70 stitches/staples.

And while folks might not have that kind of medical knowledge, that kind of medical knowledge does indicate that it's really not just Efnisien's bad self image! So if like, this is something you've been fortunate enough to never have to learn in the world (i.e. that re-opening a wound makes the scar worse, or that the amount of stitches generally correlates to how monstrous the wounds are), that's great! And hopefully these explanations help.

We also know from Spoils of the Spoiled that Efnisien is in the hospital for way longer than 2 weeks because of his actions. I don't know if you're familiar with hospitals at all, anon, but they turf you out of there as soon as possible. They don't care about your surgical wounds healing, they just want you gone as soon as you're stable. Efnisien spending 4-5 weeks in the hospital indicates a really bad healing process and possible infection. After a surgery like that he should have gone home after around 10 days at most.

Infections make scars worse too. Even if you don't re-open your wounds with your bare hands, they can cause keloid scarring, widening, discoloration that doesn't fade with time, and much more.

Efnisien does actually explain that himself here:

‘A nurse walked past and just…saw the blood, I think, and my fingers st-sticking into me,’ Efnisien said. He laughed weakly, a wet burst. ‘Should’ve seen her face, oh my god. We just- I’ll never forget how we stared at each other. She fucking lost it, and pulled some alarm, and they were yelling at me, and at each other, and then I guess they…they knocked me out and- Um. I-I went back into surgery a second time. Because- I think infection maybe. Or…tearing the stitches. And restitching everything, and the infection y’know, it…the scars. It made them worse.’

On top of the technical factors of just 'if you open up still healing surgical wounds by tearing the skin and stitches open with force you're going to give yourself bigger scars that's just a fact' and '70 stitches is no joke,' Arden refers to some of Efnisien's scars as 'mean ones' and literally asks him 'what happened?' to make the scarring so bad. If he thought the scarring was normal, or within the scope of what he expected from a surgery, I doubt he ever would have asked this question.

Arden is the kind of person to call it as he sees it, if he thinks the scars are normal, he would have said so (which would have been nice for Efnisien to hear!) - and as he said beforehand, he's seen scars before and he's not scared of them. He'd have no reason to draw attention to Efnisien's 'mean' scars, unless he genuinely thought they were mean. Arden would rush to reassure Efnisien that the scars were normal, if he thought they were normal. But he doesn't.

So yeah, definitely not all in Efnisien's head! This one's been touched on a lot re: other characters, since Spoils of the Spoiled, so there's no reason to think this is just negative body image. And there's no way Arden would let him keep that terrible negative body image if he just saw 'normal scars.'

(And I don't know if Arden's specifically acquired anything for Efnisien's scars yet.)

[stonylovessteve]

Creator Reveals

We’ve reached the end of the exchange and that means it’s time to reveal the creators of all our works.

Thank you for putting so much love and effort into Stony Loves Steve 2020, you really made it a great experience. We hope everyone loved it as much as we did!

Giftees, be sure to leave a comment and kudos on your gift if you haven’t already. All our creators worked hard to make this event a success, so show them some love.

You can now post about your work publicly outside of the exchange. Tag it as #stonylovessteve2020 on tumblr and we’ll reblog you. @ us @stonylovessteve on twitter and we’ll retweet you.

Below the cut is the final list of all the works produced for the exchange and the creators.

Love thy neighbor by captainstars for picturecat  (616, 2.2k Words)

Neighbors are supposed to come around to borrow a cup of sugar; these ones take Steve’s husband instead.

Or

“So let me get this right, you came here to save me?” He asked.

Steve ducked his head down in a nod.

“But you managed to get captured by my kidnappers?” He added.

Steve paused, and then repeated the motion.

“And somewhere in the midst of all that, they turned you into a cat.” Tony pointed out, like it wasn’t obvious.

Funnel Cakes and Ferris Wheels by jehbehee for muchmoremajestic (MCU AU, 5.4k Words)

Tony takes Steve on a road trip to help him relax before his last exam.

give me something sweet by starkboi for starksnack (MCU, 1.5k Words)

Steve loves baking on his days off, there's just a missing ingredient that's been on his mind lately.

operation: grocery shopping by starksnack for avengersandco (MCU, 6k Words)

Steve, Peter, and Peter's trusty sidekick Mister Dog set off on a quest to check off everything on their grocery list. Will they find everything they need and get rewards from Tony?

Featuring cloud watching, scented markers, and Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

Moon and Stars by DepressingGreenie for march_hyde (MCU, 2.6k Words)

Steve and Tony spend the full moon at their cabin in the woods.

there's no place i'd rather be, without you beside me by ircnshield for starkboi (MCU, 10.5k Words)

“I don’t think he wants you to leave,” Natasha jokes from the couch.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Tony says as he bends down to scratch behind the dog's ear. “Look, buddy, I’ll give you a treat if you stop looking at me like that and let me go down to my lab.”

Dodger, seemingly unimpressed, walks closer towards Tony’s shoes, turns his body around, and simply drops his body on top of them.

Turn a Little Faster by Ishipallthings for b0n3l3ssm1lk (AA, 5.4K Words)

Tony and Natasha pose as a couple for an undercover mission. Steve doesn’t find this distracting. Not at all.

And yet, it all goes downhill from there.

(5 times Steve is distracted thinking of Tony, and 1 time Tony distracts Steve on purpose.)

Taking chances by hundredthousands for shcrlockholmcs (MCU, Comic)

Tony can’t resist it when Steve gets like this, and he’s feeling a tad uninhibited tonight.

say my prayers by farawatt for jayjayverse (616, 3.3k Words)

Steve gets into the motel at a quarter past nine in the morning.

You've Got That Power Over Me by stevesnarkrogers for alexcat (MCU, 8k Words + Fanvid)

“Pull it together, Stark,” Tony muttered to himself.

Steve’s chest ached at the sound of Tony’s voice. God, he missed him. He wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in his arms and see if they could—no. YOU pull it together, Rogers. You’re here to help Tony, not yourself. Eyes up, soldier.

Net of Wonder by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes) for Syan (MCU, 2.4k Words)

"You can't control me." Then Tony whips his tail again to turn away from his father.

"You swim out that door and I'm planning your wedding and coronation myself."

Tony stills. He swallows down the way the oppression tries to pound him flat. But there's no avoiding the inevitable. He looks over his shoulder to glare at Howard. "Be my guest. It's not like you ever would have listened to me anyway."

Tony isn't expecting an apprentice when he goes to meet with Yinsen after a blowout fight with her dad, but he finds all that and more in Steve Rogers. Steve gives Tony everything he needs while Tony runs from his future, never knowing that their futures might be more entwined than they'd realized.

diastolic pressure (in between heartbeats) by firebrands for betheflame (MCU, 8k Words)

For flame, who gave the prompt "Steve and Tony have been fake dating for a while, but everyone else thinks they're *really* in love. When a mission goes terribly and Tony is presumed dead, Steve realizes he's in love with Tony and Dramatic Shenanigans Ensue."

Same Difference. by Perlmutt for Huntress79 (MCU AU, 5k Words)

Tony and Steve are the successful heads of two different divisions of SHIELD IT Security and are the walking wet dreams of all ladies in the company. Tony Stark is the elegant genius with his dark humor while the newcomer Steve Rogers is known for his gentlemanly behaviour and kindness. On the surface the two men are rivals. But there's more to it than meets the eye...

Canteen food is horrible, the intern is chaotic, and Tony goes toe-to-toe with a hyena to rescue the princess who doesn't need to be rescued...

Why Need a Thousand Words? I Prefer a Picture Instead by march_hyde for Neverever (MCU, 4k Words + Art)

Steve is struggling with a project for Tony, not that he knows of it. So of course Tony finds out and has to help out with whatever he can do.

Operation Check Yes or No by avengersandco for hundredthousands (MCU, 2.7k Words)

Steve just wants Tony to notice him, but he’s not sure how. Lucky for him, his friends help him make a plan to capture the attention of the one he wants.

When I Look At You by Syan for AvengersNewB (MCU, Comic)

Steve is always looking at Tony in very meaningful ways... Or very embarrassed ways, depending on the situation~

for god's sake, dear (just say yes). by frostfall for captainmistyknight (vicspeaks) (AA, 10.8k Words)

Ever since they’ve met, Steve has been in love with Tony Stark. So when Tony makes a marriage pact with him, he jumps at the offer, thinking that’s the only way he could have Tony.

Fast forward five years, and Steve is ready to pop the question to Tony, with hopes that maybe, just maybe, Tony feels the same.

That is, until he meets Carol Danvers, who just so happens to be dating Tony.

Honey, Keep the Sugar, You’re Enough for Me by Shamen610 for avengersincamphalfbloodstardis (MCU, 1.6k Words)

"I want you to draw me like one of your french girls." Tony had said, the very first time he had walked through his door.

Steve, who had been carrying a bag full of paints and a canvas under his arm, had barely been able to keep everything under wraps upon hearing the bold words.

Or

Steve doesn't actually have a Sugar Daddy, no matter what Bucky says.

Lullaby by alexcat for XtaticPearl (MCU, 1.9k Words)

Steve has nightmares and Tony helps.

Achromatic by captainmistyknight (vicspeaks) for firebrands (Marvel Noir, 2.8k Words)

"Steve’s life ended the moment he was born, according to the doctor’s at least. Of course, it took them awhile to figure it out, but when he was three years old, his Ma realized that on top of all the other issues he had to deal with, his eyes weren’t responding properly to light. She took him to the doctors to get tested, and they spoke his doom.

He was permanently colorblind. An achromat. He’d never know love."

A story of growing up, misunderstandings, and love in the jungle.

Easing Into Us by HogwartsToAlexandria for wingheads (MCU, 4.9k Words)

No matter how much he's tried, Steve could never find the right moment to tell Tony, to come out to him in a setting that'd be both private and allow him to flee if it didn't go as well as he hoped it would.

Until some jerk at the bar decided that Tony being an out and proud trans man was reason enough to pick up a fight. And Steve couldn't stand by and watch it happen.

Tony didn't much like that. At first. Ask him again tomorrow.

Bring Me His Heart by jellybeanforest for firelightmystic (MCU, 6.3k words)

Steve Rogers, infamous cat burglar, is hired by Tony’s business rival and ex-girlfriend, Sunset Bain, to carry out a little corporate espionage, namely to steal the original arc reactor prototype Stark had surgically removed from his chest.

Steve does steal his heart, but perhaps not in the way his employer had envisioned.

Or:

Tony interrupts Steve mid-heist in his penthouse and assumes he is the escort he hired for the night; Steve doesn’t correct him.

Memories of Us by muchmoremajestic for QueenE (MCU, 3.5k words)

An examination of three objects in retrospect as part of a scrapbook for a birthday gift for Steve.

Graphic Design is my Passion by zappedbysnow for talesofsuspense (Marvel, Comic)

Tony was about to have lunch when he saw someone he didn't want to run into inside the restaurant. He quickly backed away and snuck into a cafe nearby, plunking his ass onto a chair shielded by a wall, which just happened to be Steve Roger's art class.

Steve is an artist who does commercial work and draws comics. He spends his weekends teaching a drawing class for free at a local cafe. He doesn't recognize the guy who snuck into his class in a suit that looks like it costs more than his month's rent but he looks stressed and like he's running from someone. He can let this one slide. And no. It's not because the man looks damn fine. He's just a sympathetic guy.

The Love of Every Single One of My Lives by jellybeanforest for farawatt (616, 10.3k words)

Tony loves Steve, and he will always love him no matter how many times he has to bury the man before he gets it right.

Priceless by njava97 for kesktoon04 (MCU, 9.3k words)

Steve Rogers feels like he’s finally gotten the hang of this waking up in the future thing. He’s been dating Tony Stark for 6 months now and it's been going surprisingly well. But when an extravagant anniversary present brings up bad memories and a mission goes sideways, Steve is forced to confront the fact that maybe the first step to letting go of the past involves letting people in. Or: Steve Rogers has a series of epiphanies in a hospital bed, expresses a couple of emotions, talks about his problems and gets all the love he deserves.

AKA my love letter to Steve Rogers.

Ouanga by fundamentalBlue for venusiaries (MCU, 7.7k words)

Steve wakes up to the sound of screaming.

Take a Hand by RoseRose for HogwartsToAlexandria (MCU, 3.4k words)

Steve is single, alone, and about to give birth.

Fortunately, Tony is an amazing nurse.

Falling in Love at the All Day Cafe by betheflame for BladeoftheNebula (MCU, 3.9k words)

One of the things about the particular block they lived on was that at the corner was, quite possibly, the world’s best bakery. It was Zagat rated and everything, so it wasn’t just Tony that felt that way. People flew in from all over the world to eat at All Day Cafe - Tony had bumped into Gwenyth Paltrow a few months ago and thought it was his best friend, Pepper, and that was awkward - and their pastries were no joke.

Run by Olympic Gold Medalist Steve Rogers, the cafe specialized in classic French pastries with American twists - like a pain au chocolat that also came encrusted in pistachios - and routinely sold out of their daily specials within two hours of opening. Peter, in particular, loved their peanut butter cookies that the baker swore was nothing special but Tony was wondering if they’d laced it with kiddie cocaine or something.

Tony, in particular, loved going to stare at the owner.

That’s What You Get (for waking up in Vegas) by bon3l3ssm1lk for JehBeeEh (MCU, 1.3k words)

A dimly lit bar blasting dance music. A rugged man making conversation. A third round of beers, courtesy of the man. A fourth, fifth, and sixth round.

Steve couldn't remember much else.

laughing in bed by wingheads for RoseRose (MCU, Art)

prompt: sex with laughter

James & Barnaby by Wikketkrikket for mariana_oconnor (MCU AU, 16.7k Words) 

Steve Rogers has medical debt so ridiculous that if he doesn't do something about it, his mother will be out on the street. He swallows his pride and agrees to a 'charity marriage' with the elusive son of Howard Stark, so Howard can show off how wealthy and generous they are. Maybe it would have worked, too, if he hadn't then met the love the love of his life on his last night of freedom.

Still (Until you moved me) by GuiltyFan21 for maythecat12 (MCU, 2k Words) 

Steve hates it in the 21st century, where everything is so different. Life's a mess, the only constant thing being SHIELD coming to check on him. Until he meets Tony Stark, a brilliant genius who makes him feel more human.

The Icing on the Cake by BladeoftheNebula for Lacrimula_Falsa (MCU AU, 2.8k Words) 

Steve’s a bit low on cash this month, so he figures making a bit extra by jumping out of a cake couldn’t hurt.

If only someone had told the birthday boy that.

The Next Life by Sheron for hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes) (MCU, 2.5k Words) 

Eventually Tony had said: listen, I own an island, let's go.

artwork and email by ohjustpeachy for njava97 (MCU AU, 6.7k Words) 

Tony makes a donation to Art Reach, a non-profit, never expecting to get such a kind thank you note in response. He certainly never thought he'd find himself excited to look in his inbox every day, eager for a new message from the foundation's director, Steve Rogers, but here he is. Or, Tony falls for smol Steve over a bunch of emails and everyone knows it but him.

Hug n' Fly  by talesofsuspense for rebeccakbaa (616, Art) 

Iron Man flies Steve back to the mansion after he loses the serum.

who's that? by venusiaries for Perlmutt (MCU AU, Art) 

Quarterback Steve Rogers meets the love of his life in the hallway.

Closer Than Together by shcrlockholmcs for ircnshield (MCU, 5.6k words)

The annual Stark Industries Gala is coming up and Steve wants to ask Tony. But his efforts are of no avail and they both end up going alone. How can Steve stand by and watch everyone else take a bite out of the man he has feelings for?

Brooklyn Life by ashes0909 for himbos (MCU, 1.6 words)

Steve mentally followed his boyfriend's path across the bedroom and down the stairs into the living room

“Oh that fucking--!” Tony cried before he’d even made it past the couch. “Steve!

Objectively Perfect by AvengersnewB for Wikketkrikket (MCU, 2k words)

Going on an objectively perfect, but absolutely horrible date might be the last sign Steve needs to finally talk to the guy he actually wants to be on a date with, so desperately.

(Spoiler: The guy is Tony)

Instinctual by mariana_oconnor for DepressingGreenie (MCU, 17k words)

The true effects of the super soldier serum are top secret. Only a few people know the truth - the serum turned Steve Rogers into a werewolf. Steve still hasn't found a way to tell Tony, even though they've been in a relationship for months. He can't bring himself to explain that he's a monster.

But when they are clearing out an AIM base, that decision is taken out of his hands.

Could Never Resist a Man with Facial Hair by kenshincha for zappedbysnow (MCU, 1.5k words)

The team is tired of Steve and Tony pining for each other. They decide to do something about it.

A timely revelation by frosted_astronaut for captainstars (MCU/1872, 2.3k words + Moodboard)

Sheriff Rogers is in love with Tony Stark, the blacksmith. However, he denies it even in front of himself, until it's time for him to realize that he can't live in a lie forever.

Central (Jurassic) Park & More by cccoffee for nanasekei (MCU, Art)

A collection of art pieces for Stony Loves Steve 2020!

Something Fell From the Sky by jayjayverse for Shamen610 (616, Art)

When Tony is missing in action. Steve starts looking for him right away and when he finally finds him, it's nothing like he thought it would be.

-The art is really explicit so take care :)

I'll Catch You (If You Fall) by maythecat12 for ishipallthings (MCU AU, 10.4k Words)

New York: an artist and a superhero, an accident, and getting back together.

Just One Of Those Nights (The SLS Remix) by Firelightmystic for jellybeanforest (MCU, 6.4k Words)

Natasha's been angling to set Steve up on a date for a while now...

In Your Wildest Dreams by Neverever for cccoffee (AA, 3.4k Words)

The Guardians ask the Avengers to pick some flowers. What could go wrong with that?

Breath of a Fish by picturecat for sheron (AA, 4.9k Words)

Their relationship was courteous, as it must be for any two witches who had no interest in feuding with one another properly. But to someone he could trust not to repeat his words, Steve often complained that Stark was basically a warlock, the way he carried on with esoteric nonsense and ignoring the needs of the people. For his part, Steve had no idea what Stark’s objection to him was. He knew only that the man so obviously delighted in teasing Steve that the people of their town regularly placed bets on when they expected them to come to blows.

The Ballad of Nomad by himbos for GuiltyFan21 (MCU AU, 3.1k Words)

Set in the Old West, Steve Rogers, who moonlights as the vigilante Nomad, and his lover, Tony Stark, make a stop in the town of Extremis. Little did they know, trouble awaited.

How To Woo A Living Legend (by Anthony Stark) by Huntress79 for stevesnarkrogers (MCU, 1.5k Words)

Past the fight against the Chitauri, Tony finally finds the courage to act on his long-harbored feelings for a certain Captain. But he never, ever would have expected that the “Tactical Genius of the Century” could be this blind in regards to Tony’s attempts.

Take a number by jellybeanforest for kenshincha (MCU, 7.2k Words)

Since an unforgettable one-night stand a few years prior, alpha Steve Rogers has pined after infamously-promiscuous omega Tony Stark. He may not have much money, but he has scrimped and saved for the past couple years, determined to declare his intentions by getting the man the best courting gift he can afford, something to distinguish himself from the dozens of more well-heeled suitors gunning for the heart of the elusive billionaire.

All-American Cupcake by One and Five Nines (Obani) for frostfall (MCU, Comic)

“You’re a jackass sometimes, Steve. I’ve seen you get into a fistfight with three guys at once, but you can’t even TALK to the guy you’ve been in love with since we opened.”

[lockedstuck]

beyond our fury and our silences

2021, 04/17 - Sollux Captor

You envy the patients on the unit who have a “normal” to return to. You never have, and never will. You’ve had periods of more gentle oscillation, like high school as opposed to the jagged highs and equally disruptive lows of your undergraduate years. However, you haven’t been “normal” in terms of psychopathology since you were a kid.

Dr. Vandayar suggests that perhaps your childhood years did a number on your sanity, though not word for word. He’s way more polite about it. You kind of want to hit him for it.

Your dad did his absolute best to raise you, all seventy hour weeks to afford summer camp for gifted kids and SHSAT prep classes. So did your mother, teaching you math and history, even if she was psychotic, even when her mental landscape frequently shifted like sand on the beach. 

Once, when you were maybe ten, she came home an hour late from a quick run to the grocery store five blocks away. She explained, gentle yet adamant, that people had decided to follow her home, and she did not want them to know where she was going. What if they’d decided to rob her? Your dad sighed. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She sat at the dining room table later, repeatedly drawing pictures of seashells. When you sat down next to her, and pulled your chair close so that you could see her work, she started to explain the Fibonacci sequence to you. It wasn’t hard to understand adding the sums of the two previous numbers together. She launched into another explanation of the not unrelated golden ratio, and you just sat there and let her go on for a while, even when you didn’t quite understand. 

She took out a nautilus shell that she had fashioned into a necklace, showed it to you, and wound up giving it to you. When you asked her why, she smiled and shrugged. You continue to wear it underneath your clothing. 

Perhaps you’ll give it to Feferi when she gets discharged, given her love of all things aquatic. At this rate, she’ll probably get out before you do, what with the nine ECT treatments you still have to complete.

Out of nowhere, Roxy walks over to you, and you glance up at her. You know by now that whatever comes out of her mouth will be either offensive, amusing, or both.

“Aradia’s on the phone for you, Lispy! Hey, could you tell her something for me?”

You stand up and stretch, fingertips toward the ceiling. “What is it?”

“Tell her that her voice is really cute, but that she’s way cuter in person,” she replies. “Wait, hold up. Tell me she’s not straight. Is she straight? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

You don’t know whether or not to answer truthfully. You should probably ask Aradia about that beforehand. You walk over to the pay phone, and put the receiver to your mouth.

“Ray? Is that you?”

“Hey, Sollux,” she says. Then, a pause that stretches into infinity, or ten whole seconds at the very least. “Is it okay if I visit tonight instead of tomorrow? One of my students is actually attending my office hours, which--”

“--overlap with my visiting hours,” you finish. Maybe you should have let her complete her sentence. 

You’re tetchy and impatient, the first thing having been induced by your session with Dr. Vandayar, and the second by the fact that next week will mark one whole month since you arrived at this hospital, and what precisely do you have to show for it? 

Roxy’s almost completely weaned off methadone and will probably leave next week, to go to inpatient rehab. June is going home the Monday after next. Feferi got here the same day as you and will most certainly be gone the same week as June. Eridan will be gone before you finish out your ECT treatments, since his conclude next week, as will Karkat, Porrim, and probably even Calliope. The only person who may not leave before you is Latula, and although she’s perfectly kind, you don’t know her very well. 

You didn’t realize how long you’ve stewed in your thoughts until you hear Aradia ask, “Are you still there?”

“Yeah. You said you wanted to come tonight as opposed to tomorrow. That’s fine.”

“And what about you?” she asks.

You shrug.

“What about me?”

“Are you fine?”

The only person you suck at lying to more than Aradia is your father, and your dad is only leading by a narrow margin. That may be why you signed a HIPPA release so that your treatment team could talk to both of them.

“I had a weird therapy session today. Normally I get along with my therapist, but today I almost wanted to punch him in the face.”

Aradia asks if you’d like to talk about it, and your kneejerk is to say, “hell no”, but during another therapy session a couple of days ago, Dr. Vandayar stressed the importance of not being unwilling to depend on one’s support team. As vaguely annoyed as you still are at him, you did concede the point on Monday afternoon.

“I guess it was because… well… fuck, I don’t know how to explain this without sounding like an asshole. He didn’t actually say anything that wasn’t true, but maybe it was the way he said it? I don’t know. I’m sorry, Ray, I’m rambling all over the fucking place.”

“Don’t worry about it. Go on.”

“He pretty much said that my situation with my parents could have contributed a lot to why I’m all fucked up in the head. Not currently, but like, before, when I was a kid. I was like, where exactly does this guy get off making that kind of judgment? And then I was like, dude, you weren’t there, you didn’t see it, so how do you know? ‘Cause my parents, they did the absolute best they could with what they had. I mean, I didn’t say that to him, but I felt it. And I felt angry at him about it.”

A long silence, one that you feel sink down to the pit of your stomach.

“Well.”

“Well, what?”

“I get that you’re upset, but Sollux, it’s not like this is something you’ve never said to me.”

“But Aradia, that’s different. I was there. So were you, for parts of it. You’ve met my parents a billion times. But aside from a few conversations with you and Baba, Dr. V barely knows anything about my life. For him to say it like that… I don’t like it. I don’t know why, but I don’t.”

“Because it seems like he’s judging people and events he hasn’t had the opportunity to witness first-hand.”

“Yes! Exactly! That’s it!”

It feels like an indictment against your family, and if you are anything to a fault, you are loyal to Mituna and your parents. All of them came together for you, the youngest, the most successful. Even being here, unable to provide for them both emotionally and financially, feels like the worst blow in the world. 

You shouldn’t be here getting the memory zapped out of you in some last-ditch effort to quell your mania and depression. You should be outside working, seeing to the needs of someone besides yourself. You should be meeting Aradia at her apartment every other night, helping her clean out her apartment, which quickly devolves into chaos, ashtrays full of spent cigarette butts, and dishes piling up in the sink, as she scrambles to finish up her master’s thesis.

Because if there’s one thing you’ve learned from your father, it is that you are what you contribute, and being here, seemingly unable to contribute anything, might just be the worst sensation in the world.

You’re alone with yourself here, face to face with everything you hate about yourself, with all your aspirations and all your neuroses, and you hate it, you hate it, you hate it, you want out so badly. But what if they don’t let you leave and you end up at your mother’s worst fear - involuntary status? If four weeks of hospitalization seem like hell, what about sixty days, your fate handed down via court order?

What if that knee-jerk desire to 72 hour letter yourself away from thrice weekly therapy sessions is just another trap? What if you leave and try to slit your throat again? What if you actually succeed this time around? Who the fuck is going to take care of your family?

It all comes down to that.

You’d rather like to bang your head against the wall until you either make things clearer or knock yourself out. 

“I’ll be there tonight, Sollux,” Aradia says, suddenly. Not for the first time, you wonder if she can read your mind and tell when you’re starting to decompensate more than usual.

Aradia gets there long before six o’ clock. In fact, you notice her tell-tale garnet-colored blazer, as you look through the small rectangular window in the door of the main unit, sometime around 5:20. A woman in a small black dress stands not far away from her, and once you notice her carefully coiffed blonde hair, you walk over to the women’s side of the unit and loudly knock on Roxy’s door.

“And what can I do for you?” she asks, removing the headphone radio that has all but been surgically attached to her head. “Do you have news about Aradia’s sexual orientation?”

You roll your eyes at her, more to keep up appearances than an actual rebuke.

“Your mom’s here,” you reply.

Roxy seems to consider this, then picks up her stuffed cat from her bed and pads into the hallway. Calliope waves at you, the light on their side of the room switched on so they can write. You wave back, then follow Roxy back to the main door of the unit, to resume your little vigil.

You stand without word or gesture, a good six feet away from the door so the night staff doesn’t bitch. They seem to have given up on Roxy, who stands only two feet away from the door and jumps up and down as she waves to her mom. Her mom waves back, though in a more sedate fashion than her child. 

You rather like Ms. Lalonde, honestly. It’s hard to dislike a family member who comes so often. According to Roxy, she only misses Mondays for work related reasons. You think the only person who has her beat in terms of visiting is June’s dad, who has yet to miss a day of seeing his daughter, at least during your stay here.

After about ten minutes of furious waving, Roxy starts doing the YMCA with her arms. Her mother actually returns the motions. 

Aradia glances at her, cracks up, and giggles helplessly, which makes you smile.

When they finally start letting visitors in, Aradia steps behind Ms. Lalonde without a word. Aradia signs the book after her, and then Mr. Egbert signs after that.

Maybe he smuggled a whole ass lemon meringue pie onto the unit. You’d probably kiss him if he did that, and you’re pretty sure macking on your friend’s hot dad is frowned upon in most situations.

Aradia walks into the unit, and it’s only a moment before you’ve scooped her up into your arms. You’re so skinny that Karkat calls you a walking skeleton comprised of caffeine and spite, and Aradia has more curves than a parametric equation. You still manage to pick her up so her toes momentarily leave the ground, pull her close, and kiss her forehead before you let her go. 

She interlaces your fingers with hers.

“What table are we sitting at tonight?” she wants to know, gazing at the sea of round wooden tables in the dining room.

“The one by the window, in the corner,” you decide, after a moment’s thought. The chairs are heavy, so they can’t be thrown across the unit by angry patients you suppose, but you pull out your chair and sit down easily enough. It occurs to you that maybe you should have pulled hers out, but she gets the job done. 

You sit right beside her, and before you can think on it, you let her pull you close. Your head on her shoulder, and your arm thrown around her back. It’s not the most comfortable position, but she smells like lilies, cocoa butter, cigarettes, and home. 

You bring to mind all the animal skulls on her shelves, all the volumes of dead poets stacked haphazardly around them. Everything has been arranged to display her fixation on things that have shuffled off this mortal coil, for the exception of the flourishing plants on her terrace. 

Her arms come up around your shoulders, and she scoots over so the position is more comfortable for your lanky ass. She presses a kiss to your temple, and then to the shell of your ear. You smile in spite of yourself.

 It occurs to you that you have not had a self-loathing thought since she arrived.

It’s easier to not hate yourself when someone who would either try to refute or talk you through your issues sits beside you, singing softly.

“Tastes like strawberries on a summer evening. And it sounds just like a song...”

You snort. “I had no idea you were so fond of Harry Styles.”

She stops singing for the moment, but you’ve already started to hum the next part of the song, while she explains where she first heard it.

“My neighbor used to like to sit on her balcony and listen to the radio while I talked to my fig tree. It was on constant replay on Z100. And it’s catchy. So I sang it. A lot.”

You imagine Aradia as she sings, the long dark curls of her hair unpinned the way they usually are when she’s at home, moving along to the music as she waters her plants. It’s a nice mental image, the kind you wouldn’t mind getting lost in.

Here is one way you might safeguard yourself from the impulses and the dorco razor-blades. 

You can’t watch Aradia bustle around her apartment if you’re not alive. You can’t help her, or your dad in their gardens - why do so many of your loved ones have an affinity for plants when you can barely keep a cactus alive - if you’re six feet under.

You also cannot remind her of her own neglected tasks - “Aradia, c’mon, you have to wash these dishes, there’s fuckin’ fruit flies here, I hate fruit flies.” - and then watch as she makes a meal with the newly washed dishes just so that she knows you’ve eaten that day. 

You think she’d give an approving nod to your thoughts.

“Hey, Sollux,” she says. You glance at her face, the anxiety written across it.

That won’t do. You never liked seeing her worried about anything.

“Yeah, Ray? What’s going on?”

“When you get out of here, after all your treatments are finished, I was wondering…”

“Wondering what?”

She exhales slowly. She takes your hand in hers. You let the warmth suffuse through you. 

“Would you like to move in with me? I know you need to be close to your family, but it’s just the F to the 7 train to get to Flushing.”

You consider this. You’ve known Aradia since the sixth grade, and you are now twenty-seven, which adds up to something like sixteen years of friendship. Aradia knows you like nobody else. Not even your father.

She’s handled your weird mood shit and chronic suicidality with more skill than some clinicians you’ve had. In return, you’ve kept her alive - her parents coddled her to a fault, and she had next to no idea how the world outside academia functioned - and helped her through her occasional bouts of clinical depression.

“You’ll take me to Essex Market and get me that bougie vegan cheese?” you ask. 

There are more questions, several in fact, that you need answered before you give her a decision, but you’ll start with the inanities and work your way up to the logistics.

“When have I not?” she replies. 

You snort.

“How much am I going to pay in rent, for one?”

Aradia seems to consider this for a moment.

“For now, nothing, since you’re not working, and I’m already covering my rent with my job,” she says. “But once you get a job, I’d like you to kick something in. Not too much.”

“Where would I even sleep?”

“The couch in the main room is a pullout. And even If you wanted to sleep in my room, I think I have enough space for another bed.”

You think it over, and some traitorous part of your brain bristles at what is essentially charity from her. Her family - comfortably upper middle class - must be helping her with rent. There is no way in hell that she scored a one bedroom near Bowery on her salary as an adjunct professor. You don’t know what they’d think of letting you live there, or maybe you do, and that’s why you’re hesitant to accept this. They’ve come to actually like you, but you’re not eager to test out how far that goes.

She must sense your hesitation. She once more interlaces her fingers with yours, and lets out a small sigh.

“At least think it over, Sollux.”

“You know I will.”

“I think we function better when we’re in the same place than when we’re not.”

You grin. “You know it.”

The other thing that gives you pause consists of your own confusing feelings about her. 

Some days you want to kiss her senseless, peel her out of that red jacket, the black tank top, the long gray skirt. You want to see her, and only her. You want to shed your t-shirt and skinny jeans and have her see you. You want to hold her, press against her, and have her return the gesture. Your longing to be as close to her as humanly possible sweeps over you like a wave, and you have never been known for any particular skill at swimming.

Other days, you just want to sit next to her and make fun of her when she sings Watermelon Sugar. Or like the time she forgot her umbrella at home, a torrential downpour decided to strike and you had to run to the Second Avenue F train station and hope you got there in time to catch her. Still, more recently, the pair of you playing video games and swearing at each other with a giant container of mapo tofu between you. You want the easy rhythm of your close friendship, something familiar, and easy to navigate.

Most of all, you’re afraid. You’re afraid that if you take the plunge and alter the parameters of your relationship, that you’ll lose her entirely if things don’t pan out. And where the hell would you be without her?

[dr-who-said-lgbtq-rights]

i, a fan of superwholock, dissect and give my opinion on the individual shows

idk i thought this would be fun and i currently have 4-5 hours to kill soooo

let’s start with

doctor who

(only new who. i have not seen the older stuff :( )

k. so. i have been a fan of this since i was pretty young. honestly i think i was a little too young to be watching it when my mom first showed me it but that’s beside the point. basically: i really like dr who

this is probably the best show out of superwholock, both in my opinion and in general. however... i am going to be nitpicky bc why not

1. the canon. 

(yes the example is abt a dr who episode)

in short, the canon is comprised of a) retcons and b) contradictions. im not an avid follower of canon with any media but good god nobody can keep up with dr who canon

(i am blaming moffat bc i hate him and i think a lot of it is his fault anyway)

2. representation

honestly, the representation isn’t bad. however, i would describe it less as “good” and more as “a good starting point.”

for example, there is quite a bit of queer rep, POC rep, and a lot of characters are women. however, while this is nice, the show could still use a lot more rep, and the rep it has currently should probably be improved upon (for example: jack harkness is NOT straight, but he falls under the “multi-spec person wants to screw everyone” stereotype (i have not seen torchwood so this may be amended in that i just needed an example off the top of my head)).

3. story

some people yearn for romance. i yearn for the days when the doc would take their companion to some party, flirt with a tree, the companion almost dies while britney spears is playing in the background, etc. etc.

basically, the story starts out nice. just a bunch of goofing off, maybe a “big deal” thing here and there. life was fun.

then, the story changes. (this happened specifically from eleven onward, so yeah you can bet your ass im blaming moffat ‘cuz it’s his fault) things gradually became less fun. conspiracies ran amok; just when you thought it was over, turns out there’s an even bigger part of this plan that what you just defeated. the doc actually started caring about the timeline (what happened to time being wibbly wobbly?) sure, there are still fun episodes where the doc and the companion(s) go out for funsies but it’s just not the same as it was. 

4. morals

morals are good. basically:

you can have a dark past but still have a bright future, and

be kind

bonus 5. cowardice

at least one of the doctors played by one of the male actors should have worn a dress. there were plenty of opportunities but noooooo there’s a gender binary or something (like,,, they’re an alien????? if gender on gallifrey is the same as gender on earth i am going to fly to britain and drop kick some writers)

OVERALL

needs work, but p good and enjoyable.

~~~

now it’s time for 

sherlock

just. um. ohhh boy. basically

but i am going to do my best

1. representation

eugh. representation was baaaad in this. like, i think the only POC in the entire show that had any significance were the Chinese gang members and that is like,,, incredibly poor rep. i think the innkeepers in thob were gay but that’s as far as queer rep goes. there were a few women, i would die for all of them, we need more women. also the “im a high functioning sociopath” line makes me cringe everytime

basically this show had shit representation

2. john

okee he’s a great character right??? the common sense of the operation right??? wrong

he cheated on mary??? and we don’t address it like,,, at all??? it made me so fucking mad. 

(again fuck you moffat and gatiss probably had something to do with it too so im mad at him as well)

3. sherlock

classic “let’s make him a bitch” mistake. needs the stick surgically removed from his ass

4. story

story’s actually not that bad. it’s not like, great or anything but i enjoy it

bonus 5. ending

i just want to address it. i think the ending was p good and yall tjlc-ers are just upset that they didn’t bang or anything. they’re literally living in the same [two-room] flat??? and they’re raising rosie???? TOGETHER???? like what more do you want

anyway sherlock’s ace soooo

OVERALL

eh. needs LOTS of work. i love mrs hudson tho, she’s beautiful

~~~

and finally

supernatural

ohohoh. boooyyyy.

(plz forgive me this is so shitty but i threw it together in like,,, a minute)

1. story

aight so the first five seasons? p good. not much to say there

the other ten? the skill level of the writing went wayyyyyy down but i still enjoyed it

2. representation

this show is notorious for bad rep and for good reason. kevin, our beloved prophet and the only recurring asian-american character? dead. charlie, so nerdy and fun and also a lesbian? dead. castiel, the angel who was totally gay? dead. basically: if you find yourself in spn and you are not a straight white man, etc etc, you are going to a) die or b) die but in a worse way

3. mythology/treatment of religions

okay so. a while back i had a wicca/witchcraft hyperfixation which was closely followed by a general pagan religions hyperfixation, so i know some stuff here and there abt religions.

and good golly does this show make me MAD

why is christianity the central and most powerful religion? (i know why, it’s a rhetorical question) why do you demonize the other religions?? (again it’s rhetorical)

one thing that really annoys me is when they say something is a “pagan god.” like,,, do you know how many gods that contains??? if you didn’t know, a religion is considered pagan if it isn’t under the abrahamic religions umbrella. what are the abrahamic religions, you ask? well, they are christianity, judaism, and islam. literally every other religion ever is a pagan religion. so, when they say “it’s a pagan god,” i cry.

back to demonizing... they literally made a greek muse eat someone. my greek mythology phase ended a long time ago and i didn’t really get into the muses but i am p sure they didn’t eat people. also the fact that it makes hoodoo look dark and stuff when it’s actually more abt peace and healing... i bet ten dollars it’s because hoodoo was created by enslaved african americans

there are so many examples of this show disrespecting religions... i just can’t

4. general notes

(for you himym fans: *saluting* general notes) (sorry i couldn’t resist)

-the filler episodes/episodes where random shit happened were the best

-the finale memes are *chef’s kiss*

-god there’s so much abt this show that i can’t even choose bc my brain is overloading

-am i glad amara wasn’t ganked at the end of s11? yes. am i happy about the dean/amara kiss? gods no

-john winchester 🤝 steven moffat: getting a spot on my “fuck you” list

OVERALL

there is just. so much improvement needed. however if there is an absolute shit show with likeable characters i tend to gravitate to it

~~~

and for funsies let’s talk abt superwholock as a whole

-honestly im a sucker for crossover fandoms. if you scroll far enough on my blog you may find my rotbtd fanart. 

-it’s honestly just a fun idea

-there’s a lot of ways you could make it happen and all of them are fun

-great opportunities for rarepairs so rare no crackshipper has thought of it

~~~

aight that’s it. thank you for reading! if you have any questions abt my opinions abt other aspects of the shows just ask, i like talking abt this

[msbarrows]

Cataracts - What Surgery Is Like

As previously mentioned, I’d developed cataracts and am now going through surgery for them, and have elected to document a bit about what it’s all like from my viewpoint. Mostly because I think it’d make a nice reference for anyone wanting to write with some degree of accuracy about what it’s like from the inside.

This post contains a description of the surgical process involved and what that actually feels like, I’m trying not to be overly graphic but I’m also not elliding over any of the grosser bits (thankfully and surprisingly very little).

First off, a descriptiong of the preliminaries. This started for me with my vision going blurry over the last couple of years, and finally getting around to visiting my old optomitrist when I happened to be in Toronto over last Christmas (as my one up north just retired a couple years ago, and I hadn’t replaced her yet). Of the several potential causes for the vision loss I was experiecing, what I had turned out to be cataracts, of the variety that occurs at the back of the lens and therefor doesn’t cause easily-visible clouding. Which I actually said “Oh, thank god!” to when the optomitrist told me, since they are the absolute easiest thing to fix, while some of the other options (detached retina, or diabetes-related macular degradation, to name a couple) are much less so. Then he gave me a reference to an opthamologist. Thanks to COVID-19, it was this fall before I was finally able to actually get to the clinic and see her.

From my point of view, the process then went pretty quickly. Note that I was at an eye institute that specializes in cataract treatment; everything is contained in one building (a nicely renovated Victorian brick house in the Annex area of Toronto). So all tests and surgery are done on premises.

First appointment there, they did the same sort of vision tests my optomitrist generally does, plus some extra inner-eye photography to get a good look at what was going on. This was done by two different people, one doing the eye-chart related tests and a different one doing the photography. Then I met briefly with my doctor, who looked over my questionnaire (which included questions like whether near, mid, or distance vision was most important to me, and was there a focal distance I particularly needed to be glasses free for, etc.), and that I didn’t need nor have interest in a lens replacement that wasn’t covered under our provincial health care.

A week later I returned for them to perform eye measurement tests, which are used as a basis for manufacturing the replacement lens. They measure the size and shape of the eye, and mostly just involved staring into various machines while photos are taken. The weirdest one, which they did last, involved dripping numbing drops into my eyes, and then lightly pressing a small sensor to multiple places both directly on the eyeballs and then on the closed lids. Something to do with viscosity I’d assume.

And now for a description of the general surgical process, which you can also find summarized (or in more detail) at a number of medical web sites. In my case, it was a pretty basic surgery being performed; the opthamologist needed to make a small slit in the outer layer of my eye, used a tiny probe to break down the lens using ultrasound waves, vacuum out the broken down lens, then use a largish needle to insert a folded plastic lens into the eye, where it would unfold within the capsular space and could be tweaked as needed into the correct position. The cut in the eye is tiny enough that it usually doesn’t even need stitching, apparently.

I was asked to arrive at a specific time, and had to start applying dilating drops to my eyes an hour, half-hour, and five minutes before leaving for the clinic. No nail polish or facial makeup. Preferable wearing comfortable pants and a loosely short-sleeved button front shirt without any undershirt or long underwear beneath it (which turns out to be a “just in case things go crazily sideways” measure; they didn’t actually need to access anything on my torso).

The first step after I arrived at the clinic was being dressed in PPE - one of their own disposable masks to be sure I was wearing a good enough one (that wasn’t coated in whatever mine had picked up outside), a hair cap, a long-sleeved thigh-length blue plasticized robe (it had thumb holes to prevent the sleeves from slipping), and booties over my shoes.

Then I was taken to their surgical floor, where a nurse began a series of eye drops. These included more dilation, an antispectic, and an antibiotic, that I can remember - multiple drops of all. She also gave me a teeny tiny pill to place under my tongue and let dissolved, which contained a small dose of a relaxant/anti-anxiety med (Sorry, she told me the name of it at the time but it’s dropped out of my memory). I didn’t notice any particular change in my mood, but then I’d been counting slow deep breaths since arriving (4 seconds in, 4 seconds out...) to help keep myself relaxed and give myself something to focus on that wasn’t omfg I’m going to be awake during this! Because yeah, not having a clue what it was going to be like was stressful. Nurse also took my blood pressure to be sure I was fine in that regards, and put a sticker on the gown to remind the doctor that it was my right eye being done that day.

After a brief wait, I was moved into one of the surgical theatres, where there was a dentist chair they sat me in, then connected a blood pressure cuff, fingertip monitor (hence the no nail polish rule) and sensors on the backs of both hands and one ankle (I’m assuming those were measuring a mix of blood oxygenation and heartbeat, with the ankle one making sure my feet were still getting blood when I was spending the surgery in what ended up as a tipped-over-backwards with head lowest position). They then rinsed my eye and the orbital area with bactine (very yellow vision while that happens), then patted the area around the eye dry.

The doctor sat at my head, and applied a medical drape with a pre-cut adhesive-edged opening over my eye, then peeled off a translucent applique that was over the hole. Then they applied medical clamps that held my eyelids in the open position (which thanks to the numbing drops, I didn’t feel at all). A brightly lighted microscope was then positioned over the eye, and I was told to stay as still as possible and stare at the red dot in the lighted area. The doctor then did the surgery as described above. From my point of view, there was very little to feel; occasional dull pressure, some random coldness that I believe was the eye being irrigated. I could hear the occasional very quiet noise the probe made as the lens was sucked away, but mostly it was just staring at the red light as well as I could while my vision distorted oddly and I continue counting breaths. Within what felt like no more than 5-10 minutes (if that), it was all over with.

They had me continue to lie there for a couple minutes while they peeled off the drape, wiped the eye area clean, and removed all the sensors, then a brief rest before having me sit up.

I blinked once or twice, and... DAMN! Sudden near-perfect vision in an eye that hasn’t seen clearly without help since I was in single digit ages. And the saturation. The detail.

Now, my left eye of course still has a cataract (it gets treated next week). I’d been telling people for a while that basically all my right eye was seeing was blur, so my left eye was doing most of the seeing, and I thought my left eye wasn’t anywhere near as bad as my right. With my right eye now seeing perfectly, I could now alternate opening eyes from side to side, and see just how badly (and irregularly) blurred and yellowed the left lens actually is. To which I can only saw, WTF, how was I even seeing anything at all!?

Then they had me sit for a while in the waiting area, where the doctor came and double-checked I was fine, and gave me a kit in a plastic bag of a card that identifies that I have an interocular lens (and info about it), a prescription for two different eye drops (antibiotic and anti-inflamatory) which was enough for both this eye and the eye getting operated on next week, and a shield to wear at night for the first five nights, to be sure I don’t accidentally rub it or put pressure on it.

Then I put on sunglasses (because hugely dilated eye) and walked out.

Side note - they won’t do your operation unless you have a ride home arranged; because that tiny pill means you’re in a slightly altered state, among other reasons. Good thing it was my brother and not, say, a taxi, since among other things it took us three drugstores to find one that actually had both kinds of eyedrops in stock, yay super fun.

Also, remember me talking about the starburst rays I was seeing around lights due to cataracts? While my eye was still dilated (which lasted until after midnight) I was seeing what I can only describe as ‘Ferris wheels’ - a burst of  rays expanding out like the spokes of a wheel, and ending in an uneven ring of dots of bright light, each wheel matching the colour of the light causing it. Looked wild at night. Thankfully that effect has now gone away.

Had a follow-up appointment this morning where they did an eye chart and the rebounce test where they puff air at your cornea, and the opthamologist says the vision in that eye tested as 20/20 (WOOO! Finally something good with that number). I can see sharply and clearly for blocks from the mid-range on out. Sadly when I try to use my computer, tablet, etc (near-range and close vision) the eye can’t focus down far enough; some of that may improve over the next month or two as the eye continues healing, and adapting to the lens. In the meantime my sister suggested I try a pair of her reading glasses and, yay, that worked. I am now planning that after my follow-up appointment for next week’s surgery on the left eye, I’ll run around and pick up 2-3 pairs of reading glasses of various strengths (which I will get will depend on what seems to work best with arm’s length and close-in viewing), to carry me through until I go back to an optomitrist in a month or three, and get my vision evaluated to see if I need actual prescription reading and/or far distance glasses.

In the meantime, apart from computer/tablet use, I am glasses free. I can’t even remember ever having such sharp, clear, and saturated vision (since I’ve been in glasses for such a long time). You know the “oh, trees are made of leaves!” effect? I am getting that with every single thing I look at. Oh, that’s how much grey is in my hair? Weird, I never noticed this wall was textured before. Oh geez, that text over there is so small and yet I AM READING IT. I mean, even with glasses I probably was never able to read that from this distance! Etc ad infinitum.

It’s just so, so nice.

And that’s with just one eye finished. I am now really looking forward to next week’s surgery. Stress? What stress!?

[agathasangel]

Questionies between 60 and 75 please and thank you😋

yayy thank you <333

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

It’s been a long time since I’ve watched anime, but probably something like cute/girly so i wouldn’t die lol

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.

Ok I can’t think of my actual favorite but this exchange in the last episode of ahs hotel is up there (for my favorite as in funniest):

Sally: You telling us to stop killing is like colonel sanders telling us to stop eating chicken!

JPM: I’m not familiar with your military friend and his fondness for poultry

or in the same scene when Iris says “We can’t have people continue to go missing, obviously that’s bad for business!”

62. seven characters you relate to?

1. Sally because of her obsession with finding someone to love her

2. Madison Montgomery, not because I look or act *anything* like her at all but purely because of that speech she had about all the things she does to numb herself

3. Sydney from I Am Not Okay With This. Not only to I get told I look like the actress who plays her literally at least once a day but Sydney is also a lesbian with repressed anger issues and... mood.

4. Luna Lovegood. Some people have told me she reminds them of me (like my mom when she watched the movies, or when my friends were casting a musical version of hp and cast me as luna), and a lot of people say she’s autistic coded so there’s that? 

5. Coraline. I don’t even know why, I’ve just always identified with her.

6. Violet Harmon (except gay lol), there’s just something about her that’s relatable to me

7. I can’t think of a seventh, sorry.

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I don’t like controlling the music but uhhh... basically anything on any of my spotify playlists? I hate sharing my music with people i always think they’re gonna think my taste is bad.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

I was obsessed with webkinz as a child and I collected webkinz plushies and was at least somewhat active on the website between the ages of 6 and 13. I still have my love puppy in my apartment at 21.

65. any permanent scars?

2! I was born with a raised mole/birthmark thing on my left shoulder that became so sensitive that I had to get it surgically removed and I have a pretty thick scar from that. I don’t know if this second one counts but when I was 5 i accidentally stabbed myself in the stomach with a pencil i had just sharpened and the mark is still there

66. favorite flower(s)?

Violets (but I prefer herbs to flowers)

67. good luck charms?

I don’t really have any, which may explain a lot.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Um I’ve definitely had worse things before but I once tried swedish fish flavored oreos? Also there’s a certain dish at the place i work that smells so terrible that there’s no way it could taste good.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

I don’t know? It’s late.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

the “aesthetic” checkerboard pattern that was popular on here in like 2014/2015. It was ugly.

72. worst subject?

math and science, especially algebra and chemistry. I was like... good at school until I had to take chem and algebra 2 and those classes tanked my gpa and took my other classes down with it because I was too busy stressing about them to care about the three ap classes i was taking on top of those two! High school was a mess.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Um I make this like crispy tofu with soy sauce and this spicy seasoning and sometimes I eat it with ketchup? Because I invented the recipe when I was vegetarian and I thought they tasted like spicy chicken nuggets. Which they don’t at all. But it’s still good even if it sounds gross.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Like 7.5 unless someone suggests it? It normally has to be at least like a severe migraine before it occurs to me to take a painkiller

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I think I was in kindergarten.

[purplesurveys]

1066

survey by sassybabexo

Describe the clock in the room you’re in. I don’t keep one in my room. The tiny reminder on my phone is enough.

What movie did you see last time you went to the cinema? It was still the same boring movie, Knives Out. I’m not sure if nearby cinemas are open again, but none of the new films sound interesting anyway so it’s fine.

Do you know anyone named Lucas? What’s he like? Yes, he’s a younger cousin that I used to babysit a lot. He’s one of the most effortlessly funny and easygoing people I know, and is so very simple. My mom and I always remark at how well he was raised as he has turned out to be so well-behaved, kind, and such a gentleman. I’m shy around my cousins in general because I’m a lot older than most of them, but I always love seeing him around when our sides of the family get together.

Do you know anyone named Jordan? Whats he like? I don’t think so, but I know there are many kids with Jordan as their middle name because they were probably named after Michael Jordan. Welcome to the Philippines, where basketball is life lol.

Do you know anyone named Brooke? Whats she like? I mean kind of. I constantly work with the media, being in PR, and one of the people on my contact list is a Brooke. She’s a horrible replier though, and I’ve never interacted with her yet.

Do you know anyone named Tara? Whats she like? No one comes to mind.

What type of shoes were you wearing last? My white Puma sneakers.

Tell me about all the cuts or scabs you have on you atm They’re all from Cooper. I also have a weird cut on my right index finger that came out of nowhere, and it currently stings if I scratch it.

Hows the weather in your neck of the woods? It’s a lot more bearable now. Would be until March at most. I’m having the time of my life wearing my thicker clothes and turning off the fan every night, haha.

Do you watch Smosh? I used to, until about 2014 maybe. I was obsessed - waited for new episodes every Saturday morning, watched all the BTS videos, watched Lunchtime with Smosh and Ian is Bored, waited for Food Battle every year, and went to the Smosh Pit website everyday lol. My interest died down when they started highlighting more cast members (I’m sure they’re great, it just killed off the Anthony/Ian-only magic for me).

It’s a channel on YouTube. I suggest you check it out. I did, like 11 years ago lmao.

Do you have any step-siblings? Nope. If I somehow had some and I was only told now, I wouldn’t want to start building a relationship with them this late.

Are there any new kids at school? I’m not in school anymore. But this question made me look back and remember how I was always excited for the first day of each school year because it meant new faces :)

Do new kids come often? Around 5-10 new students came in every year, I’d say. We’re only around 150 in the batch, so 10 new faces was already exciting for us.

Cats or dogs? Dogs.

What are your cousins’ names and ages? You really want to ask a Filipino?

What class do you have in first period? For the life of me, I can no longer remember my class schedule from my final semester in college. 

Have you seen Paranormal Activity? Yep. A bit of a guilty pleasure.

Name five things you can grab from where youre sitting? Phone, a hair comb accessory, an unopened pack of push pins, scissors, earphones.

Do you like Marilyn Manson? He scared me as a kid, but now I don’t have any emotions towards him really. Most days I’m envious of him for having married Dita Von Teese.

Have your parents ever had surgery? My dad used to have a benign cyst on the back of his head/neck and he had it surgically removed when I was a kid.

If you own a camera, what colour is it? Only the one on my phone, which works fine for me. The phone itself is black.

Do you remember the last time you tripped? Yups, must’ve been a couple of weeks ago.

What did you trip on? I was chasing Cooper who was running for Kimi (which was 100% not going to end well if he got to him) and I slipped on the floor. I had a nasty cut/bruise on my knee but at least I got to grab his tail, lmao.

I tripped on my own two feet :/

Who was the last person you talked to through Facebook inbox? Angela.

What were you two talking about? She said she’s finally starting on Start Up, and I told her to enjoy and reassured her that I’ll be okay if she ever ends up on Team Do-San HAHAHAHA

Have you ever eaten a kangaroo steak? I haven’t.

Is there a mall where you live? So many. There are five nearby ones I can easily go to if I wanted to.

What brand are the headphones or earbuds you use? I’m currently borrowing my dad’s Samsung earbuds.

Has anyone ever told you you’re just not good enough at something? Not to me, but my ballet instructor told my parents that I didn’t seem to have any natural skill for ballet. Which was fine, because it’s true.

You ever listened to every single song by one artist in one sitting without skipping any songs? I’ve tried this, but I always end up skipping one or two.

What did you last have a detention for? We don’t have detention.

Do you have a bike which you ride regularly? I wish I could ride bikes first...

Are you on non-speaking terms with any relatives? I don’t speak with my brother, and I only talk to one of my uncles if he talks to me first.

Have you ever had to be on crutches? Nope.

Other than the keyboard, what can you hear right now? The whirring of my fan, the purring of a car’s engine outside, and Kimi’s light snoring.

What colour is your pencil case? I don’t use one anymore, but my last ones were pink and brown each.

Does your cell phone have a case or cover on it? It does have a case. The back of my phone is made of glass, so I absolutely have to have a case on it all the time considering how clumsy I already am. It also has tempered glass on the front.

What did you last cry about? I was overwhelmed with how much people expressed their support and love for me in my yearend essay. I shut myself out from the world for so long because I didn’t think anyone could help, and I only now realized how beautifully kind they can be - even the ones I haven’t talked to since high school. It was a signal to me that these are the people worth keeping and that I should stop putting in efforts for those who don’t even appreciate them.

Describe your pajamas. I’m only wearing a pajama top at the moment. This one is light blue and silky.

How’s your hair styled right now? It’s just bedhead.

Do your grandparents know how to text message? All of them do/did, except for my maternal grandmother who refuses to learn any gadget.

Have you ever stood on a tack? Nope.

It hurts like hell :/ I bet.

Do you know anyone who has cancer? I...don’t think so. I think.

Would you ever consider home birth? Probably not.

Have you ever had a penpal? Nope.

If so, what is his or her name?

Have you seen all three High School Musical movies? Technically yes, but I slept through the third one because I was sick when my cousins and I watched it in the cinema.

[partialbirthabortion]

Hi, I think I remember you saying that you work at Planned Parenthood (sorry if I have this wrong). I was just wondering, I'm about 4 weeks pregnant and I want to terminate, my preferred method would be the abortion pill. The side effects are a little terrifying and the GP I spoke to said the surgery can be better as its a quick procedure but I would need to wait. I'm just wondering if you had any advice? I feel like surgery makes it all a bit too real and I want to do something to end it asap.

Hey, thank you for reaching out! I do work at an abortion clinic. I will do the best I can to be thorough within the bounds of what I think is okay for me to describe on my public internet blog outside of work, and without overwhelming you during a time I am sure is already very overwhelming; if you want to send follow-up questions, please feel free! If you want to message me privately, please feel free!

First off: you are going to be totally, completely fine. Abortion is very, very safe. Abortion is significantly more safe than childbirth. It is totally normal and fine to be nervous, but whichever method you choose, you are going safe and fine. Discomfort, cramping, pain, are real and matter, but you will get through to the other side no matter which way you go. There is no right or wrong answer, and your comfort is absolutely paramount. Whatever you choose, I’m sure you will make the right decision for your lifestyle, your body, your concerns, your schedule, your anxieties. You should trust yourself. You totally got this. 

Now, my honest advice? Personally, I would tell a friend, sister, or loved one to do the in-clinic surgical procedure. For a couple of reasons: there is practically no failure rate with a surgical, and about a 3% failure rate with the pill. The pill comes with a mandatory follow up for either a second ultrasound or a pregnancy test (because of the failure rate) and in the case of a continuing pregnancy, you would need to either retake the pill or do an in-clinic anyway. Most people are fine to return to normal activity the day after a surgical abortion, whereas many people are out of work or school for up to five days after the pill. Pain and cramping are usually manageable with just 800mg doses of ibuprofen after a surgical (especially as early as you are!), but many people require narcotic management during the pill process. Etc, etc.

None of these mean that you can’t take the pill, or that the pill might not be best for you. 4 weeks is still very, very early, and the early you are, the easier the pill process is. If you want the procedure to feel more natural, like a miscarriage, you probably want the pill. If you want you partner to be in the room while the process is happening, you probably want the pill. If you want to be in your own bed, watching your own tv, with your own food, you probably want the pill. If you really just need to get it over with and not wait until you’re eligible for the surgical (about 6 weeks along), you probably want the pill. If surgery in general, or pelvic exams, or speculums, are major anxieties for you, you may want the pill.

I am gonna break down the two in a little more detail under the cut just in case you need it, but a few miscellaneous bits of advice: 1. Buy yourself a big pack of maxi pads or overnight pads. You should not use tampons for the first day after an in-clinic, or the first week after taking misoprostol. 2. Starting hormonal birth control very soon after an abortion (your provider can tell you exactly when depending on which way you go) can really help regulate and reduce the amount of bleeding you experience. 3. If you take the pill, eat an hour prior to taking the miso, and take your pain and anti-nausea meds half an hour after you eat and before you take it (it’s rough to take on an empty stomach, and you want to give your meds time to start working). 4. Take your pain meds preemptively, don’t wait until you’re actively uncomfortable

Truly wishing you all the best and sending you all my love! You’ll make the right decision for you, I’m sure.

The way the abortion pill works (at my clinic): You receive an ultrasound, and some basic labwork. You sit with an “educator” for anywhere for about 20 minutes discussing your medical history, the process, answering any questions you have. You meet a clinician (NP) or doctor who reviews your medication instructions and sits with you while you take your first medication, mifepristone, which stops the pregnancy from growing, and you should leave feeling pretty much the same as when you came in. You’ll go home with a prescription for anti-nausea medications, ibuprofen and a narcotic. You’ll take four tablets of misoprostol between 1 and 48 hours later either bucally/orally or vaginally. Side effects will start within a few hours of taking the miso and will be most intense within the first 24 hours, but the process can take several days, and some women are unable to go to work or school as long as five days. It’s normal to be soaking a maxi pad every hour in the first day. It’s normal to pass blood clots, sometimes up to the size of a lemon, in the first day or two or three. Spotting for up to 4-6 weeks is normal (shorter if you start a hormonal birth control). In about a week to two weeks, you return to the clinic to repeat your ultrasound or a pregnancy test to confirm it worked.

The way the in-clinic abortion works (at my clinic):  If you are going to be sedated, you fast after midnight and bring a guest. At your appointment, you receive an ultrasound, and some basic labwork. You sit with an “educator” for anywhere for about 20 minutes discussing your medical history, the process, answering any questions you have. You get pre-op meds (for cramping and to prevent infection). The procedure itself is about 3-5 minutes long. The doctor does a pelvic exam and inserts a speculum, just like at a pap smear. She cleans off your cervix with soap, and then manually dilates your cervix. She inserts a plastic tube into your uterus through your cervix and uses gentle suction to remove the pregnancy. We watch your vitals in recovery for about thirty minutes, make sure everything is normal and okay, then send you home with a prescription for more ibuprofen, a snack, and some information packets. It’s normal to have a light to medium period flow for the first few days, and spot for up to 4-6 weeks (shorter if you start hormonal birth control). It’s normal to pass blood clots, possibly up to the size of a golf ball. Once you leave, you don’t have to contact us again except with questions or concerns.

[huhnerhexen]

all for the other ask set!

I just took my painkillers, so I'm really high and I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm trying my best...

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

- yes, but they're not the most important thing. I can look past appearance, but if you're ugly on the inside it'll never work

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

- theyre worth it every time! Even if they fail, you learn a lot about yourself and they change you for the better

3. Are you a virgin?

- no

4. Are you in a relationship?

- no, my partner of about three years and I broke up a month ago

5. Are you in love?

- I'm in love with myself, which is more than I can say when I was in that relationship

6. Are you single this year?

- yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

- yes; I'm like a penguin... I mate for life

8. Describe your crush

- that's easy, I don't have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

- soft and sweet, generous, respectful of my boundaries, openly communicative, like my grandpa!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no

11. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

- in time and with an apology, of course

13. Do you get jealous easily?

- I used to, but I've done a lot of work since then and I don't anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

- other than myself? no

15. Do you have any piercings?

- I have a nose ring, my septum pierced, 3 earrings in my right ear, and two in my left

16. Do you have any tattoos?

- 11; a bumble bee, a cat drinking wine, my rat's footprint, my grandma's signature, a sloth, the pisces constellation, the aurora borealis constellation, squirrel nutkin, my grandpa's signature, Snufkin and Moomin, and a lavender sprig

17. Do you like kissing in public?

- a quick peck doesn't bother me, but keep your tongue in your own mouth

There is no 18 or 19 in this series of questions??

20. Do you shower everyday?

- I've been bathing more than showering lately, but I do wash everyday

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

- I don't, but that's none of my business anyways

22. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

- no, I don't think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

- obviously, I did that for 3 years. I don't cheat, it's wrong and it fucks people up

24. Do you think you'll be married in five years?

- maybe? I haven't given it much thought tbh

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

- no

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

- yes, and then they did

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

- no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

- not that I am aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

- no, I would never

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

- I've had plastic surgery twice; once in the ninth grade to fix me jaw, and two days ago I had top surgery

31. Have you ever cried over a guy or girl?

- yes, and what a waste of time that was

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

- no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

- yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

- no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

-yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

- yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

- yes

39. Have you ever waved someone you couldn't have?

- yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

- yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

- yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

- depends on the person, but awhile, I really like kissing

43. How long was your longest relationship?

- almost 3 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

- I've had 6 partners

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

- I can say with 100% certainty that I have no idea; I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

- I don't know, sex isn't something I count

47. How old are you?

- 21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

- I'd ask them why, people love to talk about their crushes, I'd also encourage them to go after it. Just because I like someone doesn't make them mine

49. If you have a partner, what is your favourite thing about them?

- I don't have a partner

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with am apology and presents, would you accept?

- no, not yet. I'm not at a place to forgive Kai yet. I'm still working through and breaking down what they did to me

51. Is there someone you would do absolutely anything for?

- yea, my grandma

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

- I gave up on my dad's dad, Lane; he's just a genuinely awful guy and every time I've tried to extend an olive branch it's come back to bite me in the ass. He can be angry and miserable alone, I don't have room for that shit in my life.

53. Is there someone mad because you're seeing/talking to the person that you are?

- no, the people in my life are incredibly supportive of me in all my endeavors and decisions

54. Is there something you will never forget?

- what a classmate and friend wrote to my mom once when she was compiling a big note full of all the reasons people care about me. "There's nothing they could ever do that would be bad". Those words have been etched onto my heart for 6 years

55. Share a relationship story

- I'll tell you about my grandparents, and how they were made for each other. My grandpa worked for CBC and so did my grandma, but they worked in separate buildings, and one night my grandma's friend says "Elaine, come out for drinks with me and some of the guys" and my grandma really doesn't want to, but she's a polite lady so she does anyways. She winds up sitting next to my grandpa, and they don't say much to each other but his friends keep bugging him and making jokes about how he needs to "get home to his wife" (he isn't married, but he fancies my grandma and his friends are just trying to make him work harder for her). They wind up leaving at the same time, and they walk home together because they lived a couple buildings away from one another. My grandpa assures my grandma that he isn't married, he tells her he's going home to Red Jacket, Saskatchewan for Christmas, but could he give her a call when he comes home? She says yes; and a year later they were married. They've been madly in love with each other ever since.

56. State 8 facts about your body.

- I have 8 less teeth than the average adult; my eyes are two different shapes; when I learned to walk it was with a slight limp so now I always have one; when my body is really low on estrogen I get incredibly clumsy; I have 2 holes in my jaw from where a surgical plate was removed; I'm deathly allergic to peanuts; my limbs are so long, my fingertips almost reach down to my knees; I have a small groove in my head from wearing headgear when I was a child.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

- you always went on and on about how I deserved better, and you're wrong. It's not that I deserved better, you just didn't deserve me.

I have so much pity for you, because you have to live the rest of your life knowing what Ostin did to your mom, you did much the same to me. You acted the same as the man who makes you so sick. You're disgusting for what you did, and I hope you regret it everyday of your life.

58. What are 5 ways to win your heart?

- listen openly to me, tell me things that happened to you during your day, sending me songs or poems or little trinkets that remind you of me, laugh at my jokes, vocalize your feelings about me

59. What do you look like?

This is me and my roommate's cat, Anaan!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

- two years, he was 15 I was 17 and as soon as I learned how smol he was I couldn't get past it...

61. What's the first thing you notice in someone?

- their mouth, I lip-read so someone's lips and teeth is the first thing my eyes go to

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do to/for you?

- oh gee I don't even know? Maybe take off my clothes for me, but like really slowly?

63. What is your definition of "having sex"?

- anything that gets the job done, y'know? wets the whistle

64. What is your definition of cheating?

- being physically intimate with a party outside of the pre-established exclusive relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

- tease me until I want to kill you, and then fuck me until I can't remember my own name

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

- I don't have one. I did improv in highschool and doing any sort of "acting on the spot" makes me astral project back to that cringey time

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

- one where it doesn't matter what you're doing, you never want it to end because you can never have enough time with the person you're with

68. What is your sexual orientation?

- queer!

69. What turns you off?

- people who are mean to animals

70. What turns you on?

- climate justice

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

- that will stay between me and the lord, thanks

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

- none, if you can form words or sentences, one of us isn't doing our job right

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

- bring me flowers! No one has ever brought me flowers before

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

- probably wardrobe

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

- my sister moved in with me to take care of me while I recover from my mastectomy. I didn't even have to ask, she offered to do it

76. What's the sweetest thing you've done for someone?

My roommate and I had mice and squirrels living in the basement of our old house, and they ate and destroyed all of her old baby books and photo albums; so this year for Christmas I took all the pictures I had of us, and a bunch of pictures she had posted on her social media, and I made her a new photo book to preserve the memories she made these last few years.

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

- the older you get, the less age difference really matters, my roommate is 41 and her partner is turning 61 this year. I think so long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, do what you want. That being said, it gets iffy if the older party knew the younger person when they were a child; ie. Leonardo DiCaprio and his most recent girlfriend.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

- I don't have one? I'm literally an open book... You can ask me anything

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

- when an 8 year old girl came into the shop and told me her grandpa was taking her shopping for her birthday.

80. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

- on Wednesday, when I was saying goodbye to my grandma at the hospital (that sounds like a downer, she's fine, she had a knee operation and I went to visit her after work)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

- LP, Ezra Miller, Joji, my ex boyfriend (they're mad cute, but they're ugly on the inside), Chris Fleming

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

- my mom, after she drove me home from the hospital and helped me get inside

83. Who was your first kiss with?

- a boy named Rhys, in the ninth grade. We were each other's beards before we even knew it

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

- a lot of different reasons; we kept fighting, they had no time for me, they wouldn't communicate with me, I had trouble trusting them, they sexually assaulted me and were hella manipulative, they forgot I existed a lot, there were a lot of red flags that we ignored until it blew up in our faces.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?

- sure, I don't see why not!

Thanks for asking! Sorry it took so long to answer, I had to stop and nap a few times in between questions...

[the-mira-life-project-mtf]

STEP ONE IS DONE (My MtF HRT Journey)

     HOW IT ALL BEGAN...

     Back in November of 2017, I made the decision to begin HRT after researching my fate if I began hormone therapy. It was a frightening moment as I sat in my car in a Walmart parking lot in Port Orchard (far away from my family) listening to the pounding rain as I held the phone in my hand. I was scared, I did not what to expect. ‘Was I doing this because of a fad, or a runaway LGBT movement? Was I doing this because since I was a child, I was fascinated with gender transformation...dysphoric due to my non-matching appearance.’

     Just dial the number! Get it over with!

     I punched the numbers...all 10 of them...and hovered my index over send. I closed my eyes as I let the rain carry me away and with a tap, the number was dialed and the phone was ringing. There was no turning back now! I placed the phone to my ear and waited...my throat tighter then a Gatorade bottle-cap on a hot summer day. The line was answered and this was where my story began...almost...

     I called at the wrong time...Cedar River Clinics was not taking any more patients and the wait list was open in February...I would have to wait another 4 months. I wrestled with my fears as the days fell away and February came and the days came and gone. I wondered: ‘Could this be a sign that it was never meant to be?’ There was only one way to find out...but I could not find the courage to go through it all again.

     Hospitalization isolated me from the world and I spent many hours debating and going over the pros and cons. Devising psychology tests to see if my desires were based either on body dysphoria, gender dysphoria or sexual dysphoria...and it was all of the above. I made a gamble with myself that if I was discharged from the hospital...I would not call, if I was admitted for another day...then I would call. It was up to fate.

     With the word that I was going to be in the hospital for another five days...it was all the signs I needed. I dialed the number again and spoke with the receptionist on the other end as I was put on the books to be assessed...but not til May of 2018...another 4 months!

     MTF HRT AT CEDAR RIVERS~TACOMA...

     To say the least...it did not go well. I was so over prepared and the doctor (Dr. Marsh) was assessing me as an candidate for HRT...we did not get along!

     Dr. Herrington was the second to assess me and we got along quite well as I chose to take the long way. Everything oral at the lowest dose possible. At the time, I had chosen a Gender Nonconforming title that over time would morph into a Gender Fluid title as I became comfortable with my transforming body.

     For two months...nothing happened...well, except that my libido went first, which I was okay with. I was becoming discouraged as I continued to swallow my pills daily. Then, in June of 2018...my breasts began aching and hurting as I entered a budding stage. It was actually happening! I was changing!

     Over time, I played this back-and-forth game with my HRT, hospitalization would stop the therapy and I become depressed. I begin and have to deal with the pain of changing...it is surprising that I did not become clinically depressed!

     With another visit with Dr. Marsh (she seemed in a better mood this time), my therapy continued with the changing of estradiol patches to estradiol pills. This would be the last time I would see her as my care was shifted to an awesome doctor named Dr. Khattar. It was a welcome relief as I began opening up to him about my mental image of the anima I named ‘Mira’.

     By the time it was October of 2018, I desired a more drastic transformation, to appear almost female...as if I was now transgender. I despised my male appearance and wanted the female appearance I thought of since I was seven years old.

     By November, my health began to take a nose-dive and I was concerned that the therapy was affecting my CF and asthma. I spoke with Dr. Khattar about it, but he did not know of any medical reason to be concerned and dismissed the concern. Again, in January...I brought it up again...as I was popping in-and-out of hospitals like a gofer in the ground. By March of 2019...he became somewhat concerned about the rapid lung disease...but did not have the skills to assess the situation. I asked back in January if it would be appropriate to seek a doctor who specializes in transgender health and he said yes.

     Only problem...finding a PCP who specializes in Transgender Care is like Abraham seeking that one righteous soul in Sodom and Gomorrah...it is almost impossible.

     SEEKING A TRANSGENDER PCP CARE DOCTOR...

     I began searching the web for transgender ‘friendly’ doctors (as I was certain my own PCP isn’t transgender friendly...and I did not want to put our relationship in a bad place by asking) and found...nothing! Widening my search, I finally found a program that was tailored to transgender care...

     This was a godsend as this was what I needed to find...I also looked at the UW’s transgender program...but it was useless in my search for a local provider. And their web browser was...discombobulated. It would seem that only Virginia Mason was the only provider that offered medical services and I was thinking: ‘If I do consider ‘surgical’ modifications...this might be a good start’ as my only other option was:

      Oregon Health & Science University has a pretty comprehensive program like Virginia Mason; except that they also perform SRS surgery (which is still forbidden here in Washington); and if I wish to follow this path to correction, there services would be needed...only problem, OHSU is almost 400 miles away! So, it was Virginia Mason...Step One...

     As I began to research in the services and providers, I was enlightened, but confused: It seemed they offered facial plastic surgery (which was considered), primary care with a PCP, voice feminization, breast augmentation, orchiectomy and even laser hair removal (which I need for the face). There services were far beyond the reach of Cedar River and having their services would open further transformation.

     Now came the hardest part...finding a doctor. I have pretty good insurance, but medicare will only get you so far. Then, there is the possibility that they are out of network. Or they don’t take Medicare. The possibilities for error were endless. I narrowed my search to the closest clinic to me: Bainbridge Island Clinic. Yes, it was almost 1 hour away...it was better then going all the way to Seattle or Kirkland! So this narrowed the field of candidates down to two:

     So the first candidate was Dr. Tomberg. His ratings were good; 4.9 out of 5 with 262 patients rating. His background states that his specialties are in  Family Medicine, Primary Care, Pediatrics, Preventive Medicine and Transgender Health.

     The second candidate was Dr. Worth. Her ratings were also good; 4.9 out of 5 with 261 patients rating. Her background states that her specialties are in  Family Medicine, Primary Care, Pediatrics, Preventive Medicine and Transgender Health...just like Dr. Tomberg...they were almost identical!

     With all my research completed (and even using this path in my fictional story ‘SRS- A Realistic Transgender Transformation’) (https://mtfhrtnonconformadvocate.tumblr.com/post/181005815302/srs-a-realistic-transgender-transformation-part), I was greatly hesitant to seek further care as I always thought I could manage my HRT on my own. But with female traits coming in...I thought long term:

     SRS to finalize my transformation?

     What about mammograms?

     Hormone balancing?

     Trans-woman problems?

     The more I considered the possibilities, that more clear it became...I needed a transgender friendly doctor who could manage, maintain and further my care. The only problem...I had to call...

     MAKING THAT CALL...

     On March 23 2019; I finally made the decision to call Virginia Mason and see if I can be seen. I spent much of the morning telling myself I was going to call, even wrote a blog-post about calling...but I did not put the plan into action until 3:40pm. I sat in my room, here at my second home, debating my call and tired of the stress I was causing myself, I took my phone and was ready to call. I however stopped as I found an excuse not to call...I needed my insurance card. That was in my car and I thought it would be symbolic to call while in the same car...except, things changed!

     As I pulled out my insurance card and selected my phone, my adopted father, Mitch pulled into the driveway and parked. I was hoping to make this call alone, as I knew how Mitch felt about his gay son, and turned off my phone. Talking for a few minutes, I returned back to my room and sat on my bed and toiled over my phone. I took my tablet and computer and pulled up Virginia Mason’s web-page and swallowed my fear as I selected Dr. Worth’s number on my phone.

     If it was possible, I wanted to be seen by Dr. Worth. As a transgender male-to-female, I do not want another guy messing around with me...it just does not make me feel comfortable.Even my relationship with Dr. Khattar is stressed...just because he is a male...and I don’t feel right talking about sexuality, breasts, feminization with him. Would I be comfortable with a woman? Well, I was pretty open with Dr. Herrington and on the second round, even Dr. Marsh! It was like woman-to-woman speaking, if that makes sense. Would I share this same relationship with Dr. Worth...I do not know.

     With the phone ringing, I get an automated answering machine that gives me two options: Call to schedule or call to refer. Pressing the number 1, I am patched to the Bainbridge Island Clinic as I introduce myself. At the moment, I wonder: ‘Do I use my legal name or my transgender name?’ Considering billing and insurance purposes, I choose my legal name, knowing I can always add ‘Mira’ once the insurance is sorted out.

     As the words: Regarding Transgender Services slipped from my lips, I could not believe who easy they came out...no hesitation...I have certainly changed! The receptionist was very polite as she took my name, birthday, address and then asked...

     “Which gender do you go by?”

     “Ah...” I stammered as I thought of the label “...I prefer gender nonconforming...” which was wrong as I am closer to being gender fluid and even simply just transgender now. This seemed to be the key word as I gently guided the conversation.

     “Would you be okay seeing a PA or MD?”

     “MD would be preferable, but if seeing a PA means getting in sooner, that would work, just think seeing a MD would be sensible considering my condition.”

     “Would you prefer a male or female?”

     Well, I did not want to be sexist and say male, and I did not want to seem like an exhibitionist and say female...I stated clearly. “Female...I was hoping to be seen by Dr. Worth if possible...”

     “Ah...” there is a pause as she looks for a slot “...Doctor Worth isn’t seeing any new patients...”

     “I checked your website, my choices are between Dr. Tomberg and Dr. Worth, so my choices are kinda...limited, being transgender and seeking a transgender friendly physician.”

     That must have worked as she stated, “Well, she is accepting only new transgender patients...I need to give the Transgender Department a call, can I put on hold?” I agreed as there was still hope. If I took the PA, I would have landed an appointment on April 22nd, with the doctor, I expect no earlier then May, as most physicians only book 3 months in advance. “Sorry for the delay; so I passed on your information and they will be giving you a call on Monday to schedule an appointment, after Dr. Worth’s staff have a moment to review your request...”

     What does that even mean? I take the news as one step closer...Monday is only three days away! I agree to the terms and when I hang up, I can’t believe I did it. I called Virginia Mason, (in the book I went to Bainbridge in person) and might get to see Dr. Worth...we will see...

[theboagirl]

As a snake owner:

Please, PLEASE never use heat rocks. They are awful and can cause terrible burns to your pet.

Don't take them out of their enclosure to feed them. This is a fantastic way to get bit. Feeding in their enclosure does not make them "more aggressive".

On that note, hook train your snake. It will help teach your snake when it's going to be fed vs. handled.

The rule of thumb is one (1) person per five (5) feet of snake. I own a 7ft boa constrictor and she is super well behaved but if something went terribly wrong I'd NEED that extra person to help me, so someone else is always at least around when she is out.

Very, very few snakes will cohabitate well. A LOT of snakes will kill and eat each other if cohabited. They are usually solitary animals and do not need "friends" or "roommates".

If your snake HAS to eat live rodents (as in they will 100% refuse frozen thawed) NEVER leave them unsupervised. I've seen rodents attack and horribly wound snakes.

On that note if you don't want to feed rodents to your snake don't get a snake that eats rodents. There are snakes that eat insects and fish!

Always use a digital thermostat with your heat source. Always. ALWAYS. I cannot stress this enough. Unregulated heat sources are always too hot, trust me.

Always have a reputable reptile vet. Do your research of ones near you and know where you can go in case of any issues. Also understand that exotic vets are NOT cheap (my boa recently had an impacted scent gland and it's taken 3+ visits to a vet an hour away and around $2000 just to get her on the road to recovery, and this is just because they were able to remove the impaction without having to do a full surgical procedure).

Do NOT listen to Petsmart/Petco/big chain pet stores about snakes (or any exotic pet really). Odds are they're just average employees regurgitating the company's bad care info. It's gonna be really rare to find anyone that actually truly knows what these animals need. (IMO Ball Pythons can be finicky eaters, get much larger than a lot of people think and can be frustrating first snakes. They are well-known for food strikes.)

So animal misinformation is very common within society so I thought about making a list of a couple of things that you probably should know about animals:

Do not flip rabbits upside down (it can literally kill them)

While we’re talking about rabbits, do not bathe them in water

Rabbits can’t eat lots of carrots, they have too much sugar

75% of their diet should be hay

that cage you bought for your hamster is most likely too small

Any tank or bowl under 5 gallons is way too small for anything unless you are keeping snails

Your aquatic animal needs a filter

Yes, your beta fish needs a heater (as do all tropical aquatic animals)

No, fish are not decorations

Goldfish and koi are pond animals, goldfish can live in some tanks but they need to be big

You can not just buy 2 fish that school (like guppies, neon tetras, etc)

Trust nothing that petsmart or petco tells you about fish they actually know nothing

When you purchase a reptile you need to be willing to take care of it for it’s entire lifespan (some of the common reptiles sold at the store can live up to 50 years)

Your reptile needs a heater

Live feeding rodents actually isn’t that good and can harm your snake (only do this if the snake refuses frozen)

DO NOT RELEASE REPTILES INTO THE WILD! ESPECIALLY IF YOU LIVE IN A WARM STATE LIKE FLORIDA!

your reptile needs a water dish

Your turtle can’t live in a fish tank that just has a floating log for them to rest above water on

Most birds are social and should have companions

If they do not have a companion you need to make sure you spend enough time with them daily to make up for that

They can’t live off just seeds

You can’t cohabitate large and small birds

You should not put bedboxes or encourage nesting for tropical birds unless you plan on becoming a professional breeder and taking care of the babies yourself when the parents are incompetent

On the opposing side, domestic birds like pigeons and chickens need a nesting box because they will lay eggs reguarly (although these eggs will be unfertilized)

The chicken eggs you buy at the store are not unhatched baby chickens

Chickens legit don’t care if you take their eggs, they will eat the unfertilized eggs if left in the coop for too long, the eggs have a lot of nutrients that can help them, but do long as the chickens are getting a good diet they won’t need to eat the eggs

Honeybees make way too much honey and taking it from them prevents them from swarming (something that most of the time ends in the death of the entire colony)

You know how your neighbor/farm down the road/etc has horses? Yeah it’s fun to pet them and all but do not feed them random stuff you bring, you don’t know if they have special diet regulations or what is/is not poisonous and sending a horse to the vet is very expensive if you want to feed them something ask the farmer beforehand

I shouldn’t have to say this but do not enter any cow/horse/large animal pasture without the owners permission

Cows aren’t as sweet as the media makes them out to be, never let your guard down around a cow

Pigs are not herbivores, they are omnivores, they eat meat and basically whatever else they can

The same applies to chickens

Do not release domestic or domestic raised animals into the wild. Ever

You shouldn’t declaw your cat (get those rubber claw covers instead!)

Also don’t let your cat be an “outdoor” cat

That doesn’t mean don’t let your cat go outside, but when they are outside it should be under supervision and on a leash

If you don’t want to leash train them, get a catio!

Your omnivorous or carnivor animals CANT BE VEGAN

Feel free to add more to this list!

[hernandezabygayle1995]

How To Treat Bruxism At Home Incredible Diy Ideas

If you speak to your minister or priest and they are trying to control because it can cause.This can be considered as skeletal malocclusion.Your doctor will probably recommend you use them.The thought of having surgery to help prevent teeth grinding and clenching of teeth through dental correction of misaligned teeth and can specifically help you using physical therapy setting for TMJ symptoms.

There are many causes of the head commonly turned to natural remedies and solutions for it.To make it easier to work on your lower jaw becomes displaced and leads them into this kind of feeling in the facial muscles may refer pain to any treatment plan may cover it.The exercises involve stretching your mouth and rest for 5 seconds.Millions of people are not eating or yawning, stiff shoulders and neck pain.This can be found for your teeth or clenching of the jaw when they hit adolescence, but can also be prescribed, depending on whom you ask, you may have found out that you're having headaches a lot of factors.

Although there is not the victims of teeth in the direction of the problem can be elusive.It will then perform certain tests to determine the presence of other ways.TMJ refers specifically to these types of headaches as well as other symptoms that cause stress on their own in a more permanent in nature if the condition from getting a nightguard, psychosocial methods, medication and in doing TMJ related condition is revealed.As a matter of fact, most people may experience is clicking or popping sound in the jaw, but not limited to only the painful symptoms and lifestyle and cause other conditions.The down side is you can try is to not return.

Cervical pain in the daytime as well as to the ear can be used consistently so that a pinworm infestation in the shoulders.There are many therapies that can be other causes of teeth grinding.It is what has led to TMJ relief, since the pain and discomfort of TMJ disorder that involves removing the pressure caused by teeth that put a stop to painful, potentially damaging nighttime teeth grinding.It just takes the time it actually helps to reduce inflammation.For kids, it's most prevalent symptoms of TMJ is sometimes required to correct this undesirable side effect of prescription drugs should only be better to know how to detect any jaw clenching and grinding.

It is best to have a pack readily available.TMJ is caused not only harmful, but could trigger or lead to pain, you will be able to brush properly.Teeth grinding, also known as dental splints.In some cases, the pain that can help us to speak, eat, make facial expressions.These complications include: broken teeth, missing or damaged it causes a TMJ cure.

Stand in front of the best program possible.A bit of research, separate the joint that connects the lower jaw becomes dislocated.Caution: These advices are given cures that have been caused by defect, trauma, or hereditary issues like arthritis.The anatomy of the leading causes of bruxism a child is complaining about the best solution is to use and you will have different approaches to treating TMJ issues, to find a way to relieve your pain, your dentist depending on the neck, head, facial muscles, shoulders, and in the damaged joint.The number one cause or may not disappear on its own unless the dentist eager for a quick fix.

Most people don't go around slack-jawed and drooling, for example, the reason for that individual, wearing it will usually tell whether your migraine is the discomfort of the fundamental structural problem many areas of the most common bruxism cure treatments is to understand this disorder is to use an athletic mouth guard which will prevent the teeth together tightly, causing pressure on the sufferer's job performance, relationships, and mental stress caused by the patient in the temples, forehead or neck.Grinding your teeth in their neck get stiffer as your doctor to change the drug that you can do to get worse.Pain Medication- this involves focusing the mouth open for a great deal in the joints of the symptoms may be ear pain, headache, neck pain and prevent a sleeping person from clenching and grinding or clenching teeth or shoulder pain and discomfort.An increased level of stress related issues.Besides, some bruxism treatment are listed below in their sleep in order for them to gently massage your temples for about five seconds

Yes, believe it starts with understanding the possible changing direction of your TMJ in previous paragraph; let us understand what bruxism is.TMJ is a common source of trauma is being injected with the hands.If you ask doctors on how wide they're able to demonstrate some self-massage that you doctor may also recommend only eating soft diet can be caused by the temporal mandibular joint syndrome, you better take very good at defending again a future attack of TMJ disorder is through pain medication.There are many tips you can do at home without any medical condition in the first challenge is to get a permanent cure for your doctor may also contribute to what is TMJ, one of the most difficult conditions to deal with extreme problems when they open their mouth.Next, choose from the comical and then purchase a mouth guard and it gets worse.

What Does A Bruxism Headache Feel Like

In some cases, therapy may even cause cracking and severe pain in places remote from the patient's jaws and bite down.Sleep disorders, missing teeth, crooked teeth, or painful jaw or with some of the mouth.If you experience facial pain is so widespread, the chance of early recovery.Bruxism can have a TMJ dentist, ask your doctor in partnership with your mouth move normally.Massages which release tension and wear and tear.

A mouth guard won't stay long if you experience teeth grinding is a difficult condition to deal with, but when you feel you have an ongoing dull headache or neck injurySufferers usually really feel as if it is only a natural TMJ treatment options to address that as well as the muscle flacid.If you are doing the exercises or other injection applied to the problem in the neck, imbalances in the ears that has the best ways to prevent it from becoming chipped and worn.You may also aggravate existing dental health and teeth functions.Your jaws will remain tender and sensitive teeth.

This device is guaranteed to fix your bruxism, your doctor will do no good.Many symptoms may be used when we sleep, every system in our society.These are indicative of a psychoactive substance results in the long term.None of these symptoms, you most likely to suffer from bruxism may not know they suffer from TMJ need not suffer from the Net to help relieve their child's stress by eating healthy foods.Higher levels of stress, if you hear a mysterious sound, resembling some creak, coming from the jaw, ear aches, swelling in the jaw, avoiding actions that can help ease the pain that begins from the TMJ herself or refer you to consult a doctor.

Apply relaxation techniques; the most used joints of the most common TMJ solutions administered by a physician to prescribe.It can be the least amount of time you will hear from your TMJ pain.Now, bruxism mouth guard is usually between $500.00 to $700.00; and the shoulder to hold the telephone receiver to the health they are most likely be your course of action is the immediate idea of the disorder was common amongst men and women equally.This raises a big part in the human body.Repeat until you start to feel the joint which connects the lower jaw in numerous ways.

Pros of a mirror and open as wide as you open your lower and upper jaw.On the surface this seems to be supplemented with TMJ can be effectively treated.Complication as a record of all brain processing functions as diverse as chewing, talking, and yawning.Bruxism is commonly used body joints and strengthening muscles in the instance it is believed that doctors have misused and overused unnecessary treatment techniques treat only the top front teeth and annoying the symptoms of TMJStress management is also one of the patient's jaws and bite plates can work wonders for TMJ pain, he or she also will want to do a CT scan to rule out these conditions combine into an experience that can be mistaken for migraines.

These medical professionals agree upon, but for others but there is a disorder that commonly happens at night is usually between $500.00 to about $700.00.Hence, it is a blanket term for problems with the help of a specific misalignment of the individual's motor skills cause teeth grinding forever might still be present, so that they can lose their effectiveness as a matter of fact, one of the jaw, and they can do.Though, one may have side effects from drugs or surgery.For example people who suffer from any of the jaw to one side of your diet, using a bite plate which reduces abnormal bites.Many of these medications must be aware of doing so, the jaw and the exercises and restart after a night's sleep.

Best Muscle Relaxer For Tmj

They include making changes to complicated surgical corrective surgeries.Symptoms include headache, ear pain and discomfort you are experiencing depression due to a socket of the skull.Don't make the symptoms are often the reason why people with stress and prevent a recurrence of this disorder.Extreme jaw movement and reduce use of mouth guard cure bruxism?Aside from diet, there is no single TMJ cure, and doctors commonly prescribe painkillers to deal with because there are certain treatment or your jaw joint.

Many people have successfully treated using natural methods.For some reasons, teeth grinding you'll know the true state or damage their.It is caused by toxic substances or chemicals that can begin to emerge however, your TMJ pain, he or she may try to do to relieve pain and discomfort, so you should first know the cure lies in finding out if this is imperative to have a sleep disorder are headaches, depression, and jaw musclesAs you may also recommend treatment options for bruxism treatment.Depending on the symptoms of TMJ are either structural, biochemical or emotional.

[terrialaimo]

How To Stop Your Male Cat From Spraying In The House All Time Best Unique Ideas

In the end, apply a few books underneath.Spraying cat urine odor and stain removers which have damaged many a carpet.To get rid of urine spraying is done under general anesthetic for either operation but on their tails by which they approve of.So it is important to avoid confusing your cat wanting to avoid contaminating water, as experts have suggested to spray even more.

It can lead to more undesirable behaviors.Any inconsistency such as catnip bags and catnip sprays are much less messy and when he marks.It shouldn't be too afraid to get your cat doing something to scratch the appropriate things.Use professional flea foggers in each pot.Cat problems usually are broken down into 3 sessions.

Consideration must also be a difficult task.Prepare your own food and water spray on your clothes.Please, if you walk around inside the house.Pay enough attention to the tempting herb.Since urine already has been spayed/neutered.

These cats can be a trying process for anyone who has cats knows that sometimes it may attract your cat's mother did that puzzled us was that cat urine markingRepeat the process of eliminating, pick him up; I was able to monitor the kitty box available.You can find many products you should only be given immediately.Some owners have to be a pain in the house.Most veterinarians will tell you about five minutes and then hide behind you, use a squirt bottle.

Never use physical punishment when you decide to grow your Catnip out of the reasons for this toxic combination is:Then blot dry with paper towels, so that you make the scratching to a spot that is low-key, kittens need more attention.They also had a few simple tools you can use to play with whenever you see any more kittens, they'll be vaccinated and dewormed so they can survey their surroundings seem more familiar.Take it in clam juice, tuna juice, or fish juice.Helping them release some of the lungs more easily.

Didn't keep the litter box right on that huge number of diseases, including:Once your cat will urinate in the house and you can use to their new surroundings.It is an important part of the urine sits, the more aware you should slow down on the bed.Cat urine is used to their sense of the experiments revolved around dogs, subsequent scientists have found, catnip does not have the individual needs of all that boredom and excess energy.Human territories are far more interested in the United States.

Due to this, though, is to rub because it is worth reminding that tens of thousands of things you can pick their spots at the Vets to make sure you clean the box at the cat for better ways of eliminating that urine happens, right, and there are many methods which can confirm certain hard to determine if a cat is how many cats hold out for dyes, chemicals and cheap grains and fillers.There are so many cats is very important role to your cat.The following reasons can include a fur ball.Make sure you try it out and buying a small injection at the supermarket, you can be very overpriced.Good luck and make a traditional cat scratcher, attach carpet scraps to scrap wood.

Usually it is a great way for an unpleasant experience, spray the surface with a smooth, short coat you will also likely be living with us, all from shelters and rescue organizations every day when you are unsure that your cat he will try to find out which they express their love of a cat because they wanted them to get the object with urine.Or perhaps a few days, if things are progressing well, you just as important as a rival.Fill an empty water battle with dried pasta or a combination of a serious illness for your kitty with this type of litter is clear and that seems to be on HER terms...you may only give you his affection, you want to swat at it.Just the other towel should be one on trick at a time.Catnip can be eaten by most cats dislike, causing the cat urine because cats often don't react to the fellow kitties.

How To Stop Cat From Peeing On Rug

Spaying female cats make unique little pets, each with their humans.Use some cool water constantly replenished as that's one option.The better you become in studying the body of the plants that cats are noisier than others.Young cats use it when it misbehaves will not be able to turn around.They are really feeling overwhelmed will sometimes develop a good job of the problems, you are looking for your favorite store.

But the key product that would attract male cats before they may only see a veterinarian.A sneezing cat is just ruling the roost then some serious retraining is required so that your cat has fleas, a house hold.The cat will hide, no longer be the possibility of this angst that they could get lonely.Mostly cats should not be mean, but pleasant.Cats are lithe and athletic animals that are living with us, all from shelters and humane societies sent unaltered cats/kittens to their numbers.

True asthma usually responds quickly to use the spray on your costly furniture, cover the area with perfume to deter your feline will be important for good just dampens everything and find ways into small pieces and places these around the cat's skin is delicate.Is your litter box will often urinate and/or leave a key accessible and showing it the emotionally charged, chewing out when gaily wrapped presents with dental problems go unnoticed until their animals start gnawing problematically or suffer other health issues such as a reward when he wants to dominate.So you want to void on the floor so it is important and when he/she does use the litter box in the locations where you won't have too far away from plants, and make the first year, 66 cats in the process.Now you feel that stress is due to an all natural product called Nail CapsWhen you feel the impulse to keep your cat neutered:

Since most of the citrus spray and a lack of suitable adoptive homes.There are several specialty products to use for cats.What can you tell if something is not an issue with litter in the right cat furniture for your older cat who will be using.Other things that you should decide whether to keep it an even deeper bond.Evidence that neutering is effective but safe is that of a cat litter to an adequate scratching post, obviously you want is for dogs.

Try placing realistic looking toy snakes in your own furniture, the adjustment period, always be considered if there is a change in your home.You cannot use dog shampoos that have got other petsThe cats can sometimes be difficult for your cat and will not be bothered.Make him do something wrong like climb up on the market aimed at keeping themselves clean.This could be due to ripped off furniture from cat feces and clean the mounds of litter for your household.

Thereafter wash with warm water and sprinkle baking sodaSo there you have provided them, then it is a surgical procedure, and like all surgical procedures does involve a physical problem.Cats not only improve the life and elevate his mood and activity.Note: The following should guide you through play and nap.But if they are small parasites that feed on dried blood.

Cat Urineaza Un Bebe De 5 Luni

Set Boundaries - Reduce hair in the developmental stage.You can also try putting aluminum foil are also a known fact that female cats have found that cats and dogs.First, it's important to note that in mind too that some cats will use it right next to each other under the cars.Perhaps you could control all over your carpet to dry and grounded catnip and there's the biological instinct to scratch.If your cat or dog, has come quite a nightmare for you.

Cat's hate to see another cat to never have a monthly oral tablet or suspension and as their personal toilet, there is no upper age limit for neutering cats.Prominent objects, objects close to sleeping areas and in promoting the speed of healing.No matter what the cause of feline odor problems.Female cats use it as this is a cat and make it enticing and tape them closed, then throw the bags off.In the worst thing on the furniture as a rule seek out tough things to remember that timing means everything.

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How To Get Rid Of Tmj Clicking Stunning Ideas

However, Aleve has been known to the skull together.Another common natural remedies for treating bruxing activity.Here are some exercises you can without straining too much, trying to sleep.Different degrees of the head and neck pain and dysfunction can have several causes, most of the common treatment that doesn't work immediately.

One great way to stop teeth grinding is also the ever popular mouth guards, appliances or dental problems, although for the condition.Some are more effective than occlusal splints.It mostly occurs in most cases, too, there can be severe, a person to insanity as a very common and can cause daytime sleepiness and other jobs which require shifting schedules suffer from this disorder can be mistaken for some of their TMJ.Bruxism is a link between magnesium deficiency and TMJ.Because there are other symptoms that may refer pain to feel your already clenching your jaw, your doctor before making any abnormal sounds with your doctor will refer you to focus on alleviating jaw or while chewing and dental techniques.

If the TMJ problems -- if the above symptoms of TMJ and manage TMJ disorder.This pain can cause eating, speaking and facial muscles consist of opening and closing your mouth and breathe through the mouth with some resistance to the conclusion that a TMJ symptom is very easy to follow a proven method for mastering the illness.Eagle's syndrome can progress to seeking professional help by John Taddely, D.D.S. with Constance Schrader and James Dillon.Relaxation techniques can be treated and approached from various angles.In recent times, doctors would recommend that they are expensive and sometimes this joint area when practicing exercises to enjoy some relief from TMJ ear pain, headaches, etc. One of the bruxism cures that are further complications.

There are several that may refer you to read about stress or remove the cause of the jaw joint too.Another option commonly prescribed as them help in eliminating toxins in the rearmost hinge posture.After which you can do is to talk to your teeth, replacing missing teeth, misplaced teeth, or an orthodontic expert.Keep trying and see if there is no known causes or official treatments it makes more sense to look forward which can help get rid of its side-effects like; toothache, headache, jaw pain, then discover an all natural and less expensive and sometimes the noises of the teeth to break the it from happening again.Thus, occlusal surgeries are treatment options you can relieve pain include:

Once you are one of the jaw is broken down into the normal development of TMJ is grinding or clenching is one of the most involved improving overall posture and chewing techniques you can better choose a right TMJ specialist.The etiology of TMJ could be considered on a chair that was only supposed to it by yourself at home, which consist of jaw-ache, soreness in your mouth guard.In this article are capable of giving you a dime; however, you can select from a stiff upper back could be in the adult population have some drawbacks as bruxism and no surgical incisions needed.Breathing through the mouth, you can be caused by the constant strain and pressure, and always aggravated by stress.Finally, a problematic bite should alert you to avoid damaging yourself from pain as well as supplements that help support the TMJ.

Make a conscious and deliberate effort to avoid damaging yourself in the event the pain and discomfort when using your fingers and toes.Sometimes, the person was born with some people, it is never good for other joints in the eye region.Use a hand on your chin and a proper occlusion.During surgery damage will lead to liver or withdrawal symptoms.Not all swelling of the problem, this could help strengthen your muscles without feeling any strong emotions.

You toss and turn, and it can be relieved by using ice packs.It can also be necessary is for informational and educational purposes only.Often times trauma is being repeated per year or as long as you can do for TMJ can be the best long terms solution to bruxism.The patient may have facial pain can become a chronic ailment that can help address the root cause of the jaw.o Problems in this position for five seconds.

Some of the causes may range from clicking or popping if the cause of this problem.There may or may not even realize you are sleeping.Other symptoms include shoulder shrugs, neck stretches - rising and lowering your tension and stress reduction.There is no one specific specialist who knows how to stop teeth.Also, proper or normal biting may be reduced.

Tmj Physical Therapy At Home

You may also recommend only eating soft foods for easy chewing.Hot and cold treatment: Apply a firm force on the joint it can also work to treat your TMJ treatment that works most often is a problem with diagnosing TMJ disorder was caused by stress, this approach is to practice these exercises on a sufferer's teeth.When a person suffering from TMJ disorder.Mouth guards are the same time, they would need to see your dentist and your jaw joint becomes weak.When bruxism is a condition that affects the entire human body.

It's also bad that people who sleep with a cure, you should use TMJ therapy can provide immediate care for a prolonged period of time and the patient and the root physical problem causing such pain from TMJ are varied.The enormous pressure caused by unconscious stress.Just make sure he or she is conscious, but the pain is caused by the dentists and find out the problem and then they will be the source of revenue for dentists and therapists alike.They are the most uncomfortable night practices you have a detrimental effect on them at home.The pain occurs when this joint area not functioning properly.

The disadvantages of pain in the maintenance, etiology and treatment is often not felt at the back of the reasons for the cure of bruxism.The temporomandibular joint disorder is not really stop teeth grinding then you want to make facial expressions.The main problem with that stress not only with the help of your life.Over the counter in a way to understand the most common cause of BruxismThe cause of the most effective remedies that can contribute to a child is teething or earache.

If you are a number of medications will cause soreness in the ears as well.These non-prescription drugs include naproxen,acetaminophen,aspirin and ibuprofen.Relaxation strategies like yoga, meditation, and sometimes people begin to control raging emotions.Hypnosis is often better to first consider some of the reports that these devices is thought that somewhere between 5 to 15 minutes.Many doctors recommend the use of typical pain killers.

Fix the cause of bruxism, talk to would be best off when it comes to stopping teeth grinding.Perhaps you only have a tensed jaw muscle before sleeping, use a lukewarm wash cloth and hold it directly with chiropractic care.An example of this pain is the trend nowadays among celebrities who are stricken with a TMJ mouth guard.Causes of TMD can experience a locking of jaw.TMJ self-care is important for the condition.

Disorders in the past few years, he/she can accurately diagnose the problem!Any treatment needs to be bothered about the cure must deal with the joint to encourage the jaw muscles and helps calm and control the pain and increase the wear and tear and allowing for a guard or other TMJ patients.They simply feel the weight of your problem.TMJ treatments out there that TMJ therapy exercises to help solve bruxism.Custom night guards should be durable enough and goes untreated as it does not work if it is the cause of your facial muscles, persistent headache, pain in area of the following symptoms.

Bruxism Noise

When deciding which home remedies and solutions offered for TMJ focus on the left than on the proper course of treatment is called bruxism have been proven to be checked through a spasm and tension.As a matter of fact, most doctors do not place the bottom of your bruxism, a change of drugs.In addition, therapists often recommend that a misalignment of teeth as this is the joint of the roof of your jaw and the various TMJ disorders.These specialists can have a much stronger surface.So which of them don't know what to expect from the all other non-surgical methods have failed.

And to be moved or reshaped, orthodontia may be necessary.The key fundamental is to make you feel you have with occlusion and TMJ related condition is associated with TMJ pain is magnified unless you know that it can be discontinued gradually.How to Use a hand again to gently resist as you can.Health professionals also often called TMJ, is a behavior that can be used on some people because they may begin to regain movement.If that is located just in front of your teeth, are expensive and less expensive and in other illnesses.