#she didnt need to replace david it was so unnecessary!!!

[angelsodreamy-no2]

does netflix have beef with david's actor or smth??? he was supposed to live for a few more years, to represent durasts in the triumvirate, to live happily with genya, to MARRY AND HAVE A FANCY WEDDING WITH GENYA WHERE THEY DANCED TOGETHER. I NEEDED THAT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. WHAT THE HELL NETFLIX!!! 😍😍😍

[ultralaser]

i'm just gonna go ahead and spoil the fuck out of hellboy 2019 bc it's awful and i can't think of a good reason not to

thomas haden church shows up as lobster johnson! but he looks ridiculous, like, a cheap halloween costume version compared to, say, the period costumes in captain america or wonder woman. and he has NO SET UP so he just comes off like a joke, it's not, oh this is a wierd noir pulp hero in **gotham city**, it's, lobster johnson, nazi hunter. is hellboy a world with cool superheroes, and if so, why isn't hellboy one of them? is he an x men now? idk it doesnt work tho

baba yaga shows up! she has a house on chicken legs that's rendered beautifully, but then she has one of the worst face prosthetics i've ever seen, it literally looks like a cheap monster mask from party city. so much for the grace and elegant spookiness of a doug jones suit, this baba yaga mask can't even lip sync well

guy davis kaiju demons show up! but they aren't, cool, they're just, they have as much screen time as the ogdru jahad in hellboy 04, but they show up and start just gruesomly killing ppl, like same with thr giants fight earlier on, the movie uses the r rating to push a lot of just dismemberment, disembowelment, graphic bodily harm, it's gross and mean and dumb and out of character for the comics. therr's the helicopter shot of the tall man walking through the tower bridge, then two bat demons fky up in front of him and tear someone in half and all their guts fall out. what? why

king arthur and merlin show up! merlin is, christian for some reason? and king arthur is boring. this sequence is nearly saved by ian mcshane's narratiom, but not really. witches bad, she created a plague but not, the plague? england is the most important place in history, blah blah, no. king arthur legend of the sword does more with excalibur as a magic artifact, and drunk merlin from transformers the last knight is way more compelling than Christian Merlin, warrior for god

they do the quick ww2 origin flashback, ala thomas and martha wayne, joe chill, pearls. kroenen is there and looks bad, ilsa looks fine, rasputin, tbh feels like they got the same actor who did a poor job in 04, he's generic in a boring way, the whole scene is unnecessary

okay, so, then halfway! through, after hellboy has been sent to england to help the rebel general from rogue one, and they name their perennial giant hunt 'the wild hunt', and they all betray hellboy and stab him with a bunch of spears, and are killed brutally by giants, and then hellboy brutally kills the giants, and is rescued by new girl, who talks to ghosts and was rescued by hellboy from being replaced by a fairy changeling (who is back, running around putting milla back together after king arthur dismembered her and locked her still-living pieces in boxes around england?), and hellboy both knows her from all along but also hasnt been back since, and knows shes a psychic but also hasnt seen her since she was a baby, depending on the scene?

THEN finally daniel dae kim's ben daimio shows up, and he's NOT EVEN IN THE BPRD, he's with british intelligence, and he takes hank's anti-mutation polyjuice serum from days of future past to repress his were-jaguar form, and he has a special gun designed to KILL HELLBOY because he doesnt trust him not to be the actual devil, despite, HIMSELF, being cursed with a monstrous destiny

the scene in the trailer with hellboy, new girl, and daimio on a bprd mission, with hellboy punching daimio to activate his hulking out? THAT'S IN THE **SIX MONTHS LATER** EPILOGUE. the movie ENDS with the three of them finding abe sapien

so this whole thing? is a fucking ORIGIN STORY. it is EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE FROM 78 TO IRON MAN TWO, it is ONE HERO, ALONE, IN A WORLD WITH NO OTHER HEROES. it's not even the x-men because they're not recruiting hellboy to join their team, it's like if the x-men were just xavier and logan and a nunch of fbi guys.

meanwhile, ddk and new girl are both americans doing british accents, david harbour is still playing hellboy as a 75 year old teenager, and ian mcshane, bless him, is just playing ian mcshane

also, just, i think the intent was for harbour to play it as the stone right hand is just really heavy? but it ends up looking like a cosplayer who misjudged the weight of his prop hand an hour into the con. i want to say del toro did a better job of making it look like, this is actually hellboy's hand, and not, this is ron perlman wearing a wierd prosthetic.

and also, amazing advances in prosthetic technology aside, why didnt they just get dave bautista, if they wanted surly hellboy, or dwayne johnson, if they wanted comic accurate charming hellboy, because neither of those dudes would have needed a muscle suit. hellboy ends up (AGAIN) looking like one of the fucking dwarves in the hobbit, who wore fat suits to look like they were built like john rhys davies, but if they turn their head wrong you can see their prosthetics floating like trump's wig

have the balls to give him his wierd jawline from the comic, or don't fucking bother

okay, okay. OKAY. so, you guys remember the BLOOD TORNADO from blade one, the 'original ending' on the dvd where frost turns into a whirling vortex of blood, and they superimpose the dorff's torso just kind of leaning out of it? and it looked awful both because it's super fake anyways but also unfinished? so, there is an EXTENDED scene where professor mcshane comes back as a ghost, and it's ian mcshane's head pasted onto a super fake ectoplasm tail coming out of new girl's mouth (which also, gross), and they forgot to give him a neck, and he's naked? and it's awful and only not laughable bc, frankly, ian mcshane is a treasure and spends the whole moving swearing a lot

and honestly, the most annoying part is that hellboy 19 cribs the ending from hellboy 04 where hellboy is about to give in to his cursed destiny and join team evil, until some white dude says 'no, stop, you have a choice thanks to your father'

hellboy popped into our plane in 1944 and it is 2019, dude is SEVENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. he is smarter than this shit, or at least, old enough to know better. i'm half his age and i can tell when someone is not negotiating in good faith.

and at least in 04 he was doing it to save liz, in the new movie witch milla ALREADY KILLED IAN MCSHANE and it still takes ghost mcshane to cuss hellboy out back to team good, talking him into using EXCALIBUR to rekill her instead of, destroying the world

and do they reconcile that EXCALIBUR was the key to the hellmouth, that hellboy pulling the sword from the stone started the biblical apocalypse? that england is the villain here? no, they joke that now hellboy is king.

OMG and i forgot merlin shows up again to tell hellboy HE IS LITERALLY DESCENDED FROM KING ARTHUR. his human witch mother fucked satan in the 1600s and gave birth to hellboy in hell, and then four hundred years later rasputin and the nazis summon him to earth as he's still a baby. does this make sense? no. is it comics canon. idk, who cares, it's BAD.

this movie is B A D in almost every way, it is amazing how bad it is. it is clearly a 'gritty' remake of the 2004 film, not in any way a new take on the comics. there are FIFTEEN YEARS of new bprd comics put out since that film for these guys to riff on, and they are still fundamentally misrepresenting beloved characters while also just, making up new bullshit.

but when del toro did that, it was del toro's cool bullshit. this is hellboy from the guys who said 'lets have jaime rape cersei on joffrey's tomb'

[digitalsisters]

Legion -R

The good: At the beginning, they did such a magnificent job at portraying mental illness in a respectful way and it truly felt like we were sharing in David’s confusion and his pain. Adding ‘addict’ to his narrative really allowed me to explain his quick ascension into tyrannical demi-god and falling in “love” as a replacement for his substance abuse problem, where instead of drugs he uses power and “love” or “lust” to fill an empty void that still persists inside of himself. Lenny was someone who seemed so multi-faceted and certainly the antagonist all throughout but still likeable. As the negative influence in David’s entire life she did a marvelous job in portraying the manipulative ways in which she managed to convince David into believing he needed her and should only trust her because everyone else is lying. From someone who has not read the comics I truly did not see her becoming the main villain. She was portrayed similarly to Beetlejuice, Angelina Jolie in girl interrupted and yet a helpful companion all at once. Although she could have very well existed on her own you got the sense that she needed David and their relationship remained confusing until the end. She was wonderful at orchestrating her further descent into madness in a beautiful way, im so happy with how many ways she was allowed to act on this show. The bad: Syd. That sums it all up. There were so many problems with her character, from her unexplainable “love” to David, to her being overtly sexualized and infantilized at the same time to her acting, to her narrative and her sole reason for existing being David and her shitty powers which are not explained very well and seemingly have no real purpose except to kind of rape her mother and her mother’s boyfriend by inhabiting her body when she was 16 and making the boyfriend have sex with her only to be changed back to her actual self in the middle of it; which is about the only backstory we have for her. This character is used as a means to explain away where David gets the power to overcome literally every single one of his obstacles in an unimaginative “magical” way that really requires no thought. It is a tired old trope to have this woman be so devoid of personality that she comes across as a robot both in her manner of speech and I have equated her existence as being capable of being replaced by a life like mannequin. Syd is meant to be the driving force for David, both in his journey to recovery and in an attempt to lure him to the establishment with dr.bird. The only inkling I got in the entire 1st season that she might be capable of having non-David loving thoughts are when she gives a smirk at his losing control of his powers. Sadly throughout the rest of the show the talks about true love continued and at this point if she did have alterior motives not only would it not be surprising in the least but she also has not played the love card well either. Stereotypically, when Syd and David have sex for the first time, they are suddenly portrayed as evil or just consumed by lust by making them wear all black and Syd seemed to have a black eye for the rest of the season which nobody addressed. My immediate thought was that much like a virus and since Syd had inhabited David’s head multiple times now through her and his powers, perhaps they were susceptible to transmitting mind diseases since she began to see the angry hitler boy in her mind as well and that in her case it was overtaking her and making her body decay from the inside out. There were a lot of concepts introduced that served no purpose and it felt very frustrating to give the audience so many mysteries and in one episode they managed to boil them down to being all a manifestation of one main villain. The other mysteries like the father and his blurred out face was not a surprise to people who know the backstory of David to an extent and that was what they chose to end the season with, again, falling short of intrigue. The way they supposedly trapped Lenny a la kill bill style really did not make much sense and them being naive enough to believe he was gone was pretty foolish. Lenny had a mere few moments where I did not like what they did to her character, at the start of the show she was genderless and her sexuality was made to be of importance in some way. Once that initial “kiss” between David and Lenny happened, in an effort to sexualize Lenny they began to feminize her as well which I didn’t think was necessary and nobody explained what the relevance was of her having been Benny in real life and what the relevance was of her having different faces in general in his mind. I thought the angriest boy in the world was going to matter in some way but it ended up being a backstory for hitler boy which was unnecessary entirely. Part of me would want to give it another shot but considering their lack of portrayal in regards to POC characters and adequate female portrayal its not looking too bright. R. I didnt proof read so its from my heart.

[treefey]

#i also needed zoyalai and here we are#i also tbh didnt need inej to leave that early#but yeah#netflix WHAT THE HELL 😍😍😍#david being part of the triumvirate is important because he represents durasts#he's the voice and representation for all durasts#he is the living proof of the importance of a durast#i love alina and i like that she doesnt just reside to the villages in the ending but like#WHAT THE HELL!!!#she didnt need to replace david it was so unnecessary!!! Yes to all!! Except that I don’t mind the moon goddess Alina to Alina and Mal both losing their powers and deciding to go back to the village together trajectory. But that could be because I really like the way Ruin and Rising ends with hints of zoyalai and Zoya of all people giving Alina a blue kefta. And I like there being more sun summoners. ALSO! I don’t like Mal as a privateer. It’s not the best fit for him, but more importantly, it's kind of giving Inej’s Crooked Kingdom ending to both her and Mal? And the way it’s presented, in my opinion, detracts from the very purposeful vision she had and makes it more like spur of the moment “I’ll have what he’s having”

does netflix have beef with david's actor or smth??? he was supposed to live for a few more years, to represent durasts in the triumvirate, to live happily with genya, to MARRY AND HAVE A FANCY WEDDING WITH GENYA WHERE THEY DANCED TOGETHER. I NEEDED THAT FOR MY MENTAL HEALTH. WHAT THE HELL NETFLIX!!! 😍😍😍