#she came over today and helped me clean my depression nest and let me talk about everything thats on my mind

[funnfinnreal]

appreciation post for chloee. she's never gonna see this but i wanna make it bc she's the best thing to ever happen to me

[chinahatbeach]

Thoughts for Today

Good evening! I changed it up today. I normally get up and put down my thoughts but today, I had stuff to do and daylight burning.

I had to fax my timesheet for one job, so out the door I went. I then went to Winco to get assorted ingredients for homemade dog food and assorted items that are on sale and a better price. Then off to JoAnn’s fabrics which is near Winco. I needed a couple of small items but got sidetracked by fabric. I found more ‘chicken’ fabric.

Got home to mixing up the dog food and baking 10 loaf pans of dog food along with baking chicken hearts. While they baked, I cleaned the chicken yard and installed a new bird home for the birdies to build their nests and have babies. I have five homes for the birds to build nests and have babies. Makes me happy.

During the time I worked on cleaning the chicken yard, the neighbor lady wanted to talk to me. She was crying (really was crying) about how her water had been used when the construction guys put my fence in a couple of months ago. They left it running…. and she was very upset. I tried to calm her down, I called the construction dude and asked him to fix the problem. This is the neighbor who has MS and isn’t well.

Well, I made calls and came back to work on the chicken yard and she wanted to talk to me. She cried and cried and was so upset. She has no hope or life, she can’t sleep and is depressed and has horrible anxiety, and her doctor said that it’s hard to get Adderall for her as there is a national shortage. She is a mess and needs help. I stood there and shared that she really needs to trust in God and put her faith in Him. He is our hope and healer. He is our everything. She has nothing to lose, everything to gain.

She can’t use her shower as it’s falling into the floor. She has enough money to survive and no money to fix the numerous house problems. I helped her before but it was never enough. I can only pray for her. She has excuses why she can’t do for herself. She wants someone to run her life.

And people wonder why I can’t ‘people’ some days. I find so many folks like my neighbor. They suck the life out of you. The saying, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink,” comes to mind. I really enjoy my time by myself. I could live a solitary life with no problem. My ‘people’ skills have been worn down and I find I need more and more alone time.

I find more and more people I come into contact with that are not able to do simple life skills. We have a weak people……… fast food equals not taking the time to make real, homemade food. People who do not want to think for themselves and have someone do everything for them. People who couldn’t survive for long in a major catastrophe.

YouTube can give you a wealth of things that make you go, “I can do it.” I’ve found videos on how to make stuff via my sewing machine. I’ve never considered making stuff. I passed Home Ec but the sewing section was not my favorite part of it. I decided to try my hand at it during the plandemic and I find I can do stuff. The other day, I made something that didn’t turn out and thought of giving up. But, I told myself, “self, shut the heck up and do it over”. I did and succeeded. NEVER give up!

Well, I came home from evening work, dished up all those 10 loaf pans to freeze up and have food for my doggos. Dished up my meatloaves (2) for the freezer, and figured I better type out my thoughts.

Here’s a question for ya… have you ever tried a new craft or something else and just gave up? Did you say, “Oh heck no, I’ll try it once again!” Well, never give up. My neighbor lady has given up in so many areas of her life. If only she would turn around and try once again. And maybe let God take charge……. give it into His hands and pray. Praying heals the heart and soul, helps others, and God is always there for each and every one of us.

And that’s the way it is………..

[bellsyafterdark]

Din’s pack before Boba gets accepted into his nest: Why doesn’t he like our gift... why won’t be relax in his nest... :( vs Din’s pack after Boba’s accepted into his nest: We’ve created a monster. Din hasn’t left his nest in 72 hours. He’s forgotten what sunlight feels like. He bit Fennec when she tried to drag him out. Help.

When Paz reached the top of the stairs, he frowned at the figure blocking his way. Fennec stood at the top step, leaning precariously as she peered round the corner.

"What are you doing?"

Fennec jumped, actually jumped and scowled at the way he towered over her with unspoken expectation for her to move.

Gesturing with a finger to her lips, she tugged him down by the collar of his cuirass.

The next time she peered round the corner to the daimyo's private wing of the palace, Paz leaned around with her.

"What are we looking at?"

"Sent a maintenance droid to get Din out of his nest. It's been a week."

Paz considers the intricate braid atop Fennec's head, demonstrating her fine attention to detail, order and patience. He glances back to the squat maintenance droid gesturing with its spindly arms before their consort on the threshold of his nest.

Din looks rumpled, helmet askew, like he just woke up from a nap. He shoulders sag and he cocks a hip, arms crossing tightly.

"Why would you send in a droid?" Paz asks.

"I tried to get him out and he bit me!" Fennec hisses. "That nest needs to be cleaned."

"... You sure he wasn't asking you to stay?"

"He won't be rude to a droid."

"Have you met Din?"

Fennec hushes him, waving him to take a further step back.

Up ahead, Din is inclining his head. He seems to sigh. Then he moves aside and lets the droid pass. Stares after it for a moment before strolling across the hall into the shared quarters where the rest of their tribe had been waiting for him to return.

Huh. Din just kept finding new ways to surprise him. The old Din would have sooner shot a droid than even humour a conversation with one.

When Paz and Fennec enter the sleeping quarters, they find Din already bundled down with the sheets pulled up to his chin. His helmet is set on the bedside armour rack. His eyes are shut. He looks halfway adrift to asleep already.

Paz and Fennec exchange a concerned look.

Din stirs at the gentle fingers Paz wraps around his ankle.

"Hey. It's dinner time. Did you eat today?"

A soft happiness rearranges Din's features when he turns on his back, seeing them, but then he shifts to his other side without a word. Nuzzles into the pillows where Fennec's perfume still lingers, Paz knows, he'd done the same that morning.

"Baby." Fennec settles on the bed beside him, back to the headboard. Din hums, smiling, when she brushes the hair back from his face. "We thought you'd come to court today."

Din's smile thins into a line.

Fennec keeps stroking his hair. "I am so, so happy you're enjoying your nest. But this isn't like you. Hiding. What's going on?"

Din's mouth twists, sheepish, almost pouting. A long, heavy sigh expels from him. He opens his eyes at the new depression of weight as Paz settles on his other side and strokes his shoulder.

Din's eyes flicker up to Fennec. "I can't go back there."

"Court?"

Another sigh. They shift when he moves to sit up, settling shoulder to shoulder with them against the headboard. Din's knees pull up protectively to his chest. He rubs tiredly at his brow, sighing again. His wrist falls against his knee and his fingers flick in dismissal.

"I went down on my knees for him," Din mutters under his breath, shaking his head. "In front of... all those people. Offered him... you know."

Paz's eyes widen. Din is talking about the banquet. Din hasn't worn his chain since returning to the palace and, per Paz's demand, once the anchor came out again, Din hasn't put it back in. Too complicated.

Paz looks at Fennec in alarm, but of course she can't see through his visor.

Din's lower lip is trembling, expression wrenching gently. His voice cracks. "He barely looked at me. And all of them saw it." He shakes his head. Tears are brimming in his eyes. "No... no, I'll come back for him, for you, and...." His hand closes on Paz's knee. "But I can't go back there. Fen. I... I wanted to, but... I'm sorry."

Paz covers Din's hand with his, heart sore. He can only imagine the sort of humiliation Din must be feeling. He's tried to imagine how it would be to feel so small and discarded by the one who took him in. He hopes he never learns.

"You don't have to," Paz says.

Come away with me, he wants to urge. Stamps that down because he's seen the way Din looks at them and knows the answer would be 'no'. He won't leave them.

"Din, you don't have to do anything you don't want to," Fennec effuses, cupping his cheek, thumb stroking beneath his eye when he instinctively nuzzles it. "I'm just glad you're getting some fresh air from that nest. Can we bring you something to eat?"

"I'll get it," Paz offers.

Din squeezes his hand in gratitude.

"And do you want me to talk to him?" Fennec offers quietly.

Din is already shaking his head, looking tired again. "No. It's not him. I don't-- I just don't want to go to court."

Fennec nods affirmatively. "No court."

Din sulks, expression as plaintive as Paz has ever seen it. "Could I just... do jobs for you? In the background? Where nobody has to see me?"

Fennec hums affectionately and leans in to hush him with a kiss. "Let's just get you some dinner. We'll talk about the rest later."

Din slumps back against the headboard, despondent but at least he's not arguing.

Rising to his feet, Paz catches Fennec's sharp look of concern. Din is back. He's doing better. But he's not alright. Not by a long shot.

But he will be.

[ladynestaarcheron]

Like Pristine Glass - Chapter Eighteen

ao3 - ff.net - masterpost

(tagging these cuties: @humanexile @skychild29 @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @candid-confetti  @rhysandsrightknee @missing-merlin @azriels-forgotten-shadow @books-and-cocos @sezkins79 @city-of-fae @someonemagical @dusty-lightbulb @messyhairday-me @rinad307 @superspiritfestival )

so, i recalled earlier this week that in canon, showers don't exist. you might be thinking, hey lior zoë, what are you talking about? allow me to refresh your memory. in acowar, nesta confesses to feyre in front of the inner circle that her ptsd is triggered by taking baths, because of the cauldron. so she has to bathe in buckets. feyre assures her that they will come up with some contraption that will allow her to clean herself some other way. in the snippet from the end of acofas (which we now know is called A Court of Silver Flames, btw!!), nesta mentions her ability to slip into a bath is huge progress. so presumably, feyre has not given her this contraption. i think about this all the time, because the idea of a superior race with all the magic in the world not having ever invented showers is so supremely stupid to me. however, it has come to my attention that on two occasions I have forgotten this, and mentioned showers in previous chapters of lpg. i have elected to continue ignoring this and in the future will continue to reference showers. but in accordance with the rules of the game, I can no longer call this fic canon compliant AU. henceforth, this fic is a showers exits!AU and nothing more.

enjoy.

---

February 9 - 4 years after

The last of Sugar Valley's snow melts in early February, and as mid-month nears, the weather almost looks warm outside. Of course, it is still plenty cold, so every morning brings a new argument on whether or not Avery has to wear her coat, which sparks an identical one with Nicky.

Nesta takes a deep breath. "All right, Avery," she says. "Stand outside for one whole minute without your coat. Just on the porch. Yes, you too, Nicky."

"I want Ollie to come too," Avery demands.

"No, Ollie doesn't want to stand in the cold without a coat. There you go. Your minute starts...now."

Nesta watches the two of them stand on the front porch, Nicky enjoying himself like it is a game and Avery, cross and stubborn, glaring at her.

Ollie sits on the floor next to the door, working on putting his boots on by himself. He's quiet except for slight whispers as he coaches himself on how to tie his laces.

"Had enough?" Nesta calls.

"I'm cold, Mummy."

"Well, come inside and put on your coat, then," Nesta says, doing her absolute best to keep her voice even.

Nicky does, but Avery remains outside, scowling.

Nesta takes a deep, shaky breath. "Avery," she says. "I can see you're shivering."

Avery stomps her foot. "I am not."

Nesta closes her eyes. "All right," she says. It's far too early in the day to choose a hill to die on. "Let's just walk to nursery, then."

Nesta wraps Avery's coat inside hers—she can't hold it normally, for if Avery sees it, she'll throw a fit. She fastens her buckle tightly, so the smaller coat won't slip down her body and she can still use both her hands to hold onto her children.

But Avery doesn't want to hold hands today.

Eventually, she manages to get all three of them to nursery, with Avery in her sour mood the whole way, Ollie keeping to himself as much as possible, and Nicky blissfully unaware of both his sister's and his mother's irritation.

She sneaks the coat into their teacher's hands and leaves after only two quick kisses goodbye—Avery has joined her friend Emilia in a game and refuses to pay Nesta any mind at all.

So Nesta scowls on her way to start her day, too. Perhaps even more than usual, for Maz ducks behind a bookshelf as soon as he sees her.

"How have you scared him off already?" Zeyn asks, laughingly, from behind her.

Nesta whips around. "All I did was walk in here!" She can't help her outburst. She doesn't have many outlets. She'll take what she can get.

But Zeyn is rather used to this, and his easy-going personality never falters. "Woah," he says, holding his hands up. "Coffee's in the back room. Come with me."

She'd like to stew in her misery for a bit longer, actually, but Zeyn doesn't let her, pushing her along and sitting her down in a chair.

"Is it the workload?" he asks her. "I know you've been taking the brunt of those Prythian writers..."

"It's all of it, Zeyn," Nesta says, dejected. "It's the writers and my regular workload and Avery's going through this phase...and Ollie's being quieter than usual and I think his lungs are part of the reason, really..."

And she doesn't say it to him, but it's Cassian, too. Not that he's done anything wrong, it's just...he's been in the Night Court all week, and she has grown so used to having him around. And now it feels like everything has been dumped upon her alone. Pairing this with that "paperwork" that Amorette had started doing, which is shaping up to be a huge opportunity for her in Ciyaluck...Nesta's never felt more burdened in her life.

"At least Nicky's still singing to himself," she says miserably.

"Ava's not exactly depressed, Nesta," Zeyn says, teasing slightly.

"I think she hates me now."

"She doesn't! Like you said, it's just a phase."

"It's not..." Nesta swallows. "It's just a lot."

And now she can't even share with him, because...well...it feels too weird. She and Cassian have been co-parenting for months now. She's been slowly easing Zeyn out of conversations like this, and to suddenly talk about something as intimate as her relationship with her daughter with such brazenness...it feels wrong to be talking to anyone else this way.

But that isn't right. She still loves Zeyn. He still helped her with the children so much when they were born, when she was pregnant.

"It feels a lot to handle sometimes," she says finally.

Zeyn cups her face with his hand. His eyes, warm as ever, twinkle at her. "You don't have to handle it alone," he promises, voice sweet.

She summons a smile. "Is that an offer to edit these short stories I just got?"

Her ill attempt at humor works. He laughs and breaks apart. "Count on it."

---

February 3 - 1 year after

It was a good thing Adil had found her a house when he did, because the deals with the bank and with Erest, the councilhead, were finalized just as Nesta grew to be too big to fit through the door of her room at the inn.

Nesta had actually been looking forward to her second trimester, because of the promise of not greeting every morning with violent illness, and then crumpling up in a heap on the bathroom floor.

But it seemed that the first day she had awoken to find all she had eaten before going to bed yesterday had successfully stayed down, was also the day she thought she would not be able to get out of bed on her own. While it was true—in her case, at least—that the fourth month of pregnancy brought with it the energy that had all but disappeared completely these past few months, it wasn't much use if she was too heavy to handle herself.

Amorette, her healer, was pleased to note every pound Nesta gained. She had been worried, at first, having heard tell of females unable to produce enough space and nutrition for multiples and losing all of them, one after the other, but Nesta was having no such troubles. She—and Miri—had assured her that she did not look to be the same size as her new two-story house, though.

(There was some concern about the size of one of the triplets, a male, significantly smaller than the other two, but Amorette said as long as they were keeping an eye on it all, they should be fine.)

"Right, then," Adil said, coming down the stairs of the house. "You should be set for now. Placeholders," he added, nodding towards the blue couch in the living room and other items that graced Nesta's sparse new home. "Until we can...get some..." he trailed off, looking around, perhaps doing more measuring in his head.

"You've done more than enough," Nesta said firmly. While pregnancy had not been kind to her over the last month, Adil certainly had, helping her with everything she could possibly think to need. Miri as well. And Zeyn...well, Nesta could never really tell if he was more irritating than helpful, but he was there, too.

"Got the cribs set up, room next to yours. Didn't paint the room, though..."

Nesta could hardly believe it. "What?"

Adil looked as startled as she felt. "Well, Miri said it was important for you to paint it. Nesta...?"

"Nesting," Miri called from the kitchen.

"Right."

"No, no, it's not that. I just..."

I just forgot I'd need cribs.

"...didn't realize you had bought me cribs. That's—that's too kind."

"Gift from the shop," he grunted, looking away. That was fine. Nesta didn't want to make eye contact either. "Well, we'll be on our way."

Miri came out of the kitchen. "I've got some meals ready for you in there, dear."

"Oh, thank you, Miri. You didn't have to do that."

"Oh, please. We'll see you tomorrow, dear."

"Thank you," she said again, to them both, as she walked them out.

The sound she made when she shut the door was between a sigh and a groan. Endless relief and gratitude that she finally—finally, for the first time in her life, had her own home. And the dawning realization that it would not be hers alone in a few short months.

Or would it? Nesta didn't remember deciding she was going to keep the triplets, only that she wasn't terminating the pregnancy. Were those her children stretching out her insides, she wondered, running her hands over her belly as she stared in the mirror? Or was she just holding them for someone?

That was something she needed to figure out. Before Cassian wrote back, at least.

She tried not to think about how he hadn't written back yet. Perhaps he was still...upset. But he would, eventually, and then she...they would...what?

Less than five months to go...and with the average duration of a triplet pregnancy being far less than the typical nine months, probably not even that. Whatever decision she was going to make, she had to make it soon.

---

February 18 - Year of

Nesta never thought the sight of Cassian's house in their camp would bring her so much relief. But it meant that trip was finally over.

"I've got to shower," she said, as soon as she walked in the door. "I have to get all of that place off of me."

"What was so bad about it?" he called after her, but she didn't stop to answer.

That camp wasn't so terribly different from this one, true. In fact, it was uncannily similar, as she had noted when they first arrived there. But the people were different. There was no love lost between all the townspeople here (save Cassian and Emerie) and Nesta, but she had not missed being looked at that way. Hated...feared.

She hadn't minded really, in that room. And she could admit to herself here, alone in the shower, that she even...enjoyed some of it. The parts where she spent all her waking hours with Cassian, and even when there were other people in the room, she wasn't sharing him.

Nesta had never been someone's first choice. No one had ever placed her at the height of their priorities, given themselves to her first and foremost. And that still wasn't what was happening. They had only gone because Cassian was General Commander—sworn to her sister and Rhysand and the people of the Night Court first.

But all that had seemed far away on this trip. It was so easy to pretend like none of that was real.

Even then, she knew the illusion couldn't last that long.

---

February 26 - 1 year after

Days seemed to go by quicker now. What with her new house, Nesta felt she had more freedom to go about the town as she pleased. She was so taken with living life as she saw fit, she didn't even mind that Sugar Valley really didn't have much to do. She thought she might prefer it that way.

In the mornings, she would walk to the bookstore, and someone would be waiting with a coffee for her. Zeyn or Miri or sometimes Leyla. Perhaps they worked in shifts.

She'd read and repair all day, and stop to eat lunch with everyone at half past noon. There hadn't been a collective lunch break when she had started, but one day she sat down with a large container of chicken salad, and Zeyn had sat himself next to her, and then Leyla had joined, and Maz followed her, along with Xeyale and Amir, and Miri had come to see what the gathering was about, and then Adil had wandered in after her. Sometimes their publishing agent, Hazar, stopped by and joined them.

Sometimes she'd leave in the afternoon for a visit with Amorette. In the evenings, she'd go home and fix herself dinner, which she liked to do alone.

But after that, she'd go for a walk about the town, and inexplicably, someone would be there. Most often Zeyn.

"So, you think of any names yet?" he said to her one night, as they walked.

Nesta popped a sugarberry into her mouth. "Names?"

"For the babies."

Nesta flinched. "No."

"Oh, do you think it's bad luck to talk about it? Some people do. My mother's that way."

"I don't believe in luck," she said. Luck was so faerie, like their pantheon of gods and fate and mates. None of that was real. Not real enough to matter, anyway.

Zeyn laughed. "That must be nice."

She didn't think it was. He laughed at everything, didn't he? Nesta would never be that way.

"So, do you need any help? With the names?"

"Did you have some you wanted to share?" she asked drily.

"ZJ," he said immediately.

"ZJ? Zeyn Junior?"

He grinned at her. "Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

She summoned a weak smile. Where she was from, someone was only a Junior if they had taken their parent's name.

"Zahra's pretty popular for a girl," he continued, unaware of her thoughts. "I think it's pretty."

"I don't think I want a Gilameyvan name, though," she mused. And she certainly shouldn't choose a name if she wasn't sure she wanted to keep the children.

"What's popular in Prythian, then?"

"I don't know," she said shortly. Then, after considering it for a few moments, "I'm from south of Prythian."

"What's popular there? Is Nesta a common name?"

"Hardly," she scoffed. Feyre wasn't, either. They did know their fair share of Elains, though. "I guess...Heather? Joyly? Analynn?"

"Joyly's nice."

"Well, I didn't like any of the Joylys I knew."

"What about boy names?"

Nesta thought. "Well...Caleb, I guess. Elias." She didn't remember many boys she had known. Tomas, of course, but she wasn't going to name anyone after him. "Actually," she said, softly, "I did always like my father's name."

He touched her elbow gently. "What was his name?"

"Ollison," she said. She hurried to find something else to say. She certainly didn't want to talk about her father. "I like Avery for a girl. A book I liked when I was younger...the heroine was called Avery."

"Human-authored?"

"Yes."

"Maybe we can find it," he said. "How do you know so many human-authored books anyway?"

So Adil hadn't mentioned her slight stretch of truth. "I lived among them for many years," she said.

"Wow, really? What were they like?"

"They were normal," she answered, irritated by the question.

"Really, even to a High Fae?"

Oh. That was why he asked. How to answer?

"Friendships and love can transcend race," she said, thinking of her sister and her new family. Herself and...

"You loved some of them."

After a lengthy pause, Nesta said, "I did. Very much."

---

February 11 - 4 years after

Avery's poor attitude does not transfer towards her behavior at nursery, according to her teacher, and while Nesta supposes she should be glad of this, she finds she's only upset that it seems to be just her Avery has a problem with.

This is further worsened by her shrieks of delight when Cassian accompanies her to pick them up that afternoon.

Avery races towards him like she hasn't seen him in months—even though Cassian had arrived last night, and they had all eaten breakfast together.

Cassian doesn't seem to notice Nesta's disgruntlement, and laughs as he picks Avery up into his arms. Nicky and Ollie clamber at his legs, and he scoops them up too.

Nesta keeps her eye roll to herself as she takes their bags. Not Avery's coat, though—because at Cassian's request, she had elected to wear hers today.

At least Nicky says, "Mummy, I missed you so much today!" and Ollie nods along eagerly.

"Can we go to the park?" Avery asks.

"You know the rules, Ava," Cassian says sternly, as they leave. "We go home and eat first."

Avery pouts some, and Nesta's blood rushes to her cheeks—is she going to throw a tantrum? Oddly, the idea of a public fit doesn't faze Nesta at all, as the three of them have each had their fair share, but having Cassian see how incompetent she can be mortifies her beyond belief.

But he coaxes her out of it by promising they're going to go to the park later, and actually, they're going to cook something together to eat, and won't that be fun?

Nesta has been hiding her bitterness from her children their whole lives, so this one afternoon is hardly the one that kills her. But she takes extra care to keep up cheery pretenses because of Cassian's presence, and she's convinced she's done a good job of it, because he doesn't seem to notice anything's the matter at all.

At least, she doesn't think he does, but right after they shut the door to the children's room, he puts his arm over her shoulder, and—when they are safely out of earshot, in the kitchen—says, "Nesta, what's wrong? You've been miserable all day."

"I have not been miserable all day," she scoffs, trying to hide her flush with a glare.

"Come on, Nesta. What is it? Is it Ava? Kids act like that all the time."

"I know how children act," she snaps.

"I didn't mean to imply you don't," he says. "Just...trying to reassure you." He hesitates. "Nesta...Rhys and Az and Mor each told me that you're a wonderful mother."

"What a surprise that must have been."

"To them, maybe, but not to me," he says seriously. "I always knew. But it's okay if this is hard for you to do on your own. With Ava and with everything you've had to take on at work...and, you know, if anything else has been pressuring you..." he trails off, and when she doesn't show any sign she knows what he's talking about, his lips tug upwards slightly, and he adds, "If I've been pressuring you."

"You have not been pressuring me," she says automatically.

"Well, I hope you're lying," he says, "because I've certainly tried to."

Nesta rolls her eyes.

"You really haven't thought about my telling you I want us to be a family?" he asks, skeptical. "I don't believe you. Come on, Nesta, it's just me. You can tell me."

Nesta gives a short, irritated sigh. "Well, of course I've thought about it."

"And what?" He takes a step closer to her. "You haven't come up with an answer yet?" He puts his hands on her shoulders, smirking slightly.

He's...he's much closer now. And his wings aren't spread wide, but inching closer to her as well. Blocking out everything in her periphery, so he is all she can see. "I have."

He raises an eyebrow. This is unnatural, isn't it, being this close without actually touching? "And?"

His eyes—like Avery's, like Ollie's, like a dark honey disappearing into the black of his pupils. It takes her a minute to remember what he's talking about. "Oh," she says, slightly surprised to remember. "Well. Of course I want us to be a family." She doesn't get a chance to say anything else.

Because then he is kissing her, and it's like no time has passed. His hands circling her waist and hers taking their place in his hair. He tastes the same—that vague lemon and mint. His hair is a bit longer, but the growling sound from the back of his throat when she pulls it is just as she remembers. It's what spurs him onward, downward. His lips move to the side of her mouth, and he kisses down her neck, but she pulls him back upwards. It's been too long. She has waited so long for this.

And it appears she'll have to wait a while longer, because just as their hands start to roam, a small voice from the stairwell calls, "Mummy, my throat is really hurting a lot."

They rip apart. Cassian's eyes are wide, and he snaps his wings backwards to be tucked against his back.

Nesta whips around, hands furiously smothering her hair—just in time to see Ollie wobble into the kitchen.

He hasn't seen.

The pair of them breathe a sigh of relief together.

Then Nesta remembers what he said. "Your throat hurts, angel? Come here." She picks him up and holds him against her. He lays his head on her shoulder and coughs, wet and deep.

"It's been back," Nesta whispers to Cassian. To Ollie she says, "Do you feel like you need to take the purple medicine we got from the healer?"

Ollie nods, yawning.

"It's in that cabinet there," she says to Cassian. She takes a deep breath to calm herself so she can calm him. "We're going to take a little bit of medicine. We're going to practice our deep breaths over the steaming bowl, and first thing tomorrow we are going to see our friend Healer Nazrin. All right, angel?" She looks at Cassian when she speaks, and he nods along with Ollie.

After she directs Cassian on how much of the tonic to give Ollie, she says, "Now, why don't you go with Appa and sit on the couch, and Mummy will bring the steaming bowl?"

This is not the first time Ollie has woken up in the middle of the night complaining of throat or chest pains and a cough. Nesta's not overly terrified; in fact, she's even pleased to see he is old enough to tell her exactly what hurts and that he wants medicine. But she knows that for Cassian, this is the first time, and he is probably as scared as she was. So sitting with him for a moment alone on the couch while she takes care of the treatment will probably calm him down.

And give her just a few seconds to collect herself. There is far too much on her plate. She doesn't need anything extra to deal with now.

---

hope you enjoyed that!!

also, did you know, i started a booktube? also also did you know, june 21st as this week and it’s the triplets’ birthday? also also also did you know, june 25th is tomorrow and that’s my birthday!!

thank you all so much for the overwhelming support. i just love you guys so much. i also love @thestarwhowishes, my beta.

---

Chapter Nineteen

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Not What It’s Cracked Up To Be ch.6 (baon)

Summary: Edge and Stretch are finally getting back on an even keel. Edge’s broken leg is healing well, Spring is finally here and the flowers are close to blooming.

Be a shame if anything disturbed their domestic bliss.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Fluff, Chickens, Depression

Notes: As a heads up, this chapter includes a depiction of depression.

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Read Chapter 6 on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

By the time Edge made his way back to the car and was headed for home, Red’s prediction about his leg singing was coming true, going from an enthusiastic Ave Maria to operatic scales in no time. He was long past the doctor’s instruction of only spending two hours at a time standing and the twinges of pain were running into a constant throb.

Sitting in the driver’s seat was somewhat better. It took his weight off his aching limb and driving at idling speed kept him from having to press too often on the brake or gas pedal. Even so, when he pulled into his own driveway, Edge was sweating through his shirt and working at breathing through the discomfort. Time to get this finished and get his leg up, because re-injuring it was not going to help Stretch’s depression in the slightest.

Next to him, Nugget’s basket was carefully buckled into the passenger seat and he noted wryly that at least one of them was enjoying the journey. She’d kept up a stream of warbling chatter the entire drive that was rather reminiscent of her owner.

“All right, time to get you back home,” Edge announced. He reached over to unbuckle the seat belt, guiding it back against the seat since he didn’t trust this comedy of errors not to continue by knocking the poor creature out with a badly timed buckle retraction. “I’m sure Noodle and Dumpling will be happy to see you.”

And if they weren’t, Stretch certainly would. He hoped.

Edge took a steadying breath and climbed out of the car, grimacing as renewed pain shot up to his femur. Damn the blasted thing, anyway, he was going to have to ice the cartilage for a while and he certainly wasn’t going to be up to making anything for dinner. Asking Stretch was out of the question, which meant he might need to call for reinforcements.

Even the idea of asking anyone for help, particularly in the kitchen, made Edge’s hackles rise, but better that than having Stretch see him hurting or worse, having to go back to the doctor and admit that a mere two days after having his cast removed, he was already disobeying their instruction.

Blue would probably be the best option and of course he was certain to be so incredibly pleased about the situation…Edge cut the bitter thought off hard, dismissing it firmly as unworthy. Whatever frictions existed between him and Blue, they were still friends, and all Blue ever wanted was for his brother to be healthy and happy. Whatever issues he’d had with their relationship, he’d never tried to interfere or dissuade Stretch from it. It would be petty to hold his concern against him, even if he could occasionally be aggravating and normally Edge wouldn’t even indulge the thought. Today, though, ah, today he was tired from his broken sleep the night before, riled by his brother, aggrieved by his aching leg, and worried about his husband. If his control was running a little ragged, today of all days it could be excused.

Nugget flapped her wings, resettling into the basket and startling Edge from his thoughts. He shook his head, opening the passenger door to retrieve poultry and basket alike. He’d deal with dinner when the time came, for now he had a recalcitrant chicken to return home.

The side gate was a shorter path than through the house and Edge limped through it, leaning heavily on his cane as he went to the coop.

To his dismay, Noodle and Dumpling did not come running out to greet him when he opened the fence. Edge frowned, setting the basket inside the gate and went to check the coop doors. He’d left them unfastened that morning, but the coop itself was empty, no eager chickens to greet him while demanding pets and treats.

“Stretch,” Edge said aloud, all his worries coalescing into a hard ball in his chest as he grabbed up Nugget again and headed for the house. He left Nugget in her basket just inside the sliding glass door, trusting that she wouldn’t wander from her makeshift nest or her ‘eggs’.

The stairs were somewhat painful to navigate but worse was finding their bedroom empty, the covers thrown carelessly back. So was the bathroom, the guest room, and panic was starting to take hold when Edge fairly stumbled back down the stairs, half-ready to call his brother and demand he locate his husband, where would he have gone—

A suspiciously chicken-y sound coming through the kitchen door derailed his fears. Edge paused and listened closer, and yes, that was a loud caw coming from his kitchen, along with the skitter of scaly feet.

His relief was dizzying, leaving him leaning weakly on his cane. Edge sighed inwardly and went to the door, carefully pushing it open.

The pair from the Embassy team had done a decent job at cleaning away most of the detritus of Red’s ‘accident’ from the kitchen. They’d cleared away the broken table and chairs, cleaned up the worst of the paint, and left his kitchen if not as it was then at least usable until they had a chance to remodel it.

There by the center island was Noodle, curiously inspecting the tiles and Dumpling was on the other side, pecking lightly at the paint-dappled cupboards with great interest. Their claws clicking on the hard floor as they scampered around, inspecting their temporary quarters. In one corner was Stretch, sitting curled up where their dining room table used to be. He was dressed somewhat haphazardly, his dirty feet bare beneath the legs of his track pants and swaddled into an elderly sweatshirt washed to a faded pastel. He didn’t look up at Edge, only sat watching the chickens, a lit cigarette dangling from between two fingers. As relieving as it was to see him out of bed, Edge couldn’t help but see the stains of exhausted orange beneath his sockets were deep, an advertisement of a sleepless night followed by a restless day.

Edge stepped in further, the rubber tip of his cane squeaking against the tile and only then did Stretch look up, his pale eye lights skittering nervously back and forth between Edge’s and the floor. A cylinder of ash dropped unnoticed from the tip of his cigarette, joining a scattering already on the tile and Stretch swallowed convulsively, ducking his head as he muttered out, “i know, i know they can't stay, but i thought, just for today maybe, they can stay here and be safe, right? i thought it would be okay for one day, please don't be mad—"

“Love, I'm not angry, not at all,” Edge told him softly. The words went unheard, Stretch rambling on desperately.

“…and it's only for today and maybe some of tomorrow, i know they have to go back out, but i couldn’t stop thinking about it, i couldn’t, and i’m not fucking up again, i can’t, not today—”

“Papyrus,” Edge said, sharply, and that cut through his babble. His head jerked up, eye lights too-wide and diffused. “You didn’t fuck up the first time, listen to me—”

“i know that!” Stretch burst out. He curled up tighter, drawing his legs up, his face pressed into his upraised knees and his arms wrapped around his skull, muffling his words. “i know, there was nothing i could have done, what even could i? i’m not a fucking fox hunter, i didn’t know. my soul knows it so why does my head keep telling me i’m wrong? why won’t my head shut up, why does it always have to tell me i’m a bad friend, a bad brother, i’m awful, why am i so awful?”

Stretch’s shoulders shook, his voice going thick and wet with tears and the sound of it was ripping at Edge’s own soul like jagged claws. All right, then, if Stretch wasn’t going to let him talk, then drastic measures might be best.

Edge spun around and left the kitchen, even if his soul protested vehemently at leaving his husband weeping alone. It was a matter of moments to snatch up the chicken-filled basket and bring it in, hauling it grimly despite the warning throb in his leg. Right back through the swinging door to plop the entire thing right in front of Stretch’s bare toes.

That blasted cigarette of his was dangerously close to burning a hole in his sweatshirt, but Nugget’s happy coos made Stretch jerk upright, staring disbelievingly at the small black chicken who only tilted her head inquisitively as if to ask what was the big deal, here she was, ready to join the party.

“oh,” Stretch mumbled. The still smoldering cigarette fell unnoticed from his fingers, shedding ash as it rolled across the tile. Edge hastily retrieved it and flicked it into the sink. He turned back just as Stretch reached out cautiously, disbelieving, settling his bare hand on Nugget’s back before Edge could call out a belated warning. But perhaps Nugget was growing more accustomed to returning to society or perhaps she simply trusted Stretch more to not lift her away from her so-called eggs. She chirruped contentedly, leaning into his touch as he gasped, sockets going wide. “she…how did…you…”

“It seems she was better equipped to defend herself against the fox than we thought,” Edge told him. It seemed better to leave Red’s interference out, at least for now and likely forever. “She ran off and was nesting out in Old New Home.”

“you brought her back to me,” Stretch whispered, in pained wonderment. A fresh wash of tears fell from his sockets, pale orange trickling down, gathering to drip from his chin.

“Love, don’t—" Edge tried. He started to sit and nearly fell in his attempt, luckily unnoticed as his leg finally gave out, and Stretch only sagged into his arms, his hand still resting on Nugget’s soft feathers.

“you found her,” Stretch choked out. He buried his face into Edge’s shirt, hot tears quickly soaking through the thin cloth. “you found…” Then, to Edge’s dismay, he shuddered out, “i’m so sorry. you shouldn’t’ve had to, she’s my responsibility, i should’ve gone looking instead of making an ass out of me assuming. sorry, i’m sorry—” He didn’t resist as Edge pulled him closer, only leaned against him and kept up that whispered litany, “sorry, should’ve and didn’t. just feels like one more thing i failed at.”

Edge tightened his grip and gave Stretch a little shake, almost rough as he said fiercely, “You didn’t fail at anything, certainly not this.”

“but—"

“No. Why do you expect so much from yourself?” Edge demanded softly and he wasn’t surprised to not get an answer. “I don’t know what’s going on in that troublesome mind of yours, but I’m telling you, it’s wrong. You have a great deal on your plate just as the others do and we both know people have been keeping certain things from us because I am supposed to be convalescing and you are supposed to be helping me. So, whatever is bothering you, we can discuss it if you want or not discuss it if you don’t, but you haven’t failed at anything, do you understand me?”

Stretch nodded, but his grip on Edge was still too tight, knuckles flexing convulsively. He whispered into Edge’s shirt, his voice was barely audible. “sometimes i feel like your life would be a lot easier without me.”

Simply hearing those words forced Edge to close his sockets, breathing through the roil of frustration that lit hotly in his soul. Stretch needed his understanding, not his temper, his internal demons were doubt, not of Edge, but of himself. The automatic answer was, ‘of course it wouldn’t.’ But that would be disingenuous, a lie of the kind told to children to soothe their hurts. Stretch was not a child and he would not be fooled by pat answers.

Instead, Edge took the time to consider it. Recalled his life before Stretch, the long days of work at the Embassy and then evenings at the Y. His brother stopping in for aggravation and dinner as Edge slowly learned more about cooking than Underfell could ever teach him. Movie nights and gardening days, uncomplicated pleasures coupled with satisfying work.

“That’s true, it might be easier,” Edge conceded. He held on tighter when Stretch stiffened, trying to pull away. “But it certainly wouldn’t be better. Plenty of things could be easier, I could stay here in this house, collecting my stipend and have my groceries delivered. I could tend my garden and might never need to go out again. That would be easier, if easy was all I wanted.” Gently, he slipped two gloved fingers beneath Stretch’s chin, urging him to look up. He met that teary gaze with his own steady one as he said, “Easy isn’t happy, love, and nothing has ever made me happier than being with you.”

Because he’d learned that pleasures were better with complications, when his gardening was interrupted by unexpected hugs, when his dinners were filled with excited chatter instead of silence or sarcasm. That he looked forward to leaving work when there was someone to come home to, and that stars were lovelier when seen through the lens of Stretch’s sight.

Stretch was blinking too hard, sniffling accusingly, “you sap.”

Just like that, the pained tension in him eased and Edge let out a chuff of laughter, shaking his head.

He drew Stretch back down to his chest and reached over to take Stretch’s hand in his own, his thumb skimming over slender fingers. Stretch was wearing one of his silicon rings, not the metal band with precious stones that Edge gave him when he pledged to love and cherish him, but the simpler one given for practical reasons, in bright day-glo colors to make him smile. “You say that as if it’s a bad thing. Some time ago my brother told me I could be happy if only I wanted to. I didn’t understand what he meant at the time. You helped me understand and the only place I ever want to be is with you. You can’t fail at that, you can’t fuck that up, so long as you’re here, with me. All right?”

“yeah, okay,” Stretch sighed out. He snuggled in closer and if his voice was still tremulous, his words were stronger, “can we stay here a little longer?”

“Of course.” Edge shifted until he was leaning against the wall, pulling Stretch to lay in between his legs and holding him tightly against his chest, over the soft pulse of his soul.

The kitchen floor was designed for easy cleanup and aesthetic, not for sitting and his tailbone was already protesting. He needed to ice his aching leg, the chickens needed to be shut back into their coop, and they could both use a real nap before figuring out what to do for dinner.

But that could all wait, just a little longer.

-finis

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Coming, Coming Home Chapter 3 (Except it’s actually called Building Home now)

Hello fuckers so I impulsively changed the name of my big fic because I have Plans for the title coming home so now it’s called building home, but it’s still the same fic. Also here’s chapter 3 please read the warnings and if you spot any typos lmk because I wrote this late at night.

Also! The last chapter title was from i hope ur ok by noll! The POV for this chapter is White Lily, which makes it officially the first chapter from the POV of an original character, so I hope you enjoy!

Title: Building Home

Chapter Title: The day it was suddenly real

Chapter Wordcount: 3404

Chapter Summary:

Cherri Cola arrives home. Wounds are stitched, impulsive decisions are made, and no one is especially okay.

Warnings: Needles, blood, injury, fairly frank discussion of death and child death. (If you want to know what parts to skip, go to the end notes on AO3- I also put a brief summary of any important info in those parts. Stay safe!)

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen​ @no-braincells-here @piratecherricola (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 AO3 Link

Chapter 1 Tumblr Post

Chapter 2 Tumblr Post

(Actual fic under the cut)

Lily looked up as Cherri stumbled into the house, pressing a hand to his side and wincing. She and D had gotten back a few minutes ago, finding their mission for the day discouraging and hopeless. D was off upstairs somewhere, she thought, and she was nursing a cup of ‘tea’, which was something more approximating warm water with a little bit of some sort of dried leaf they had found in the kitchen cabinets boiled in it. They were both pretty sure it was actually parsley, but Lily insisted it was ‘minty enough’. It wasn’t as if they had anything else for tea. She would have gotten something to eat as well, but they were mostly out and they would need enough left for dinner and tomorrow’s breakfast.

So, in short, it had been an incredibly shitty day and it was about to get even worse. Given that Cherri proceeded to pass out on their floor.

Lily swore under her breath and set down her cup, hurrying over to the younger killjoy. “Cherri?”

No reply. She crouched next to the other and gently turned him over, sucking in a sharp breath at how much blood covered his side. “Cherri! D, get down here! Quickly! And bring the med kit!”

D came hurrying in a few seconds later, grabbing the first aid kit off the wall as he did. “What’s going on, Lil- Cherri!”

Lily grabbed the kit from him and dug around for the disinfectant, swearing under her breath all the while. In her opinion, there were times that called for generous usage of the word fuck, and this was one of them.

“Cher, wake up,” Lily whispered as she cleaned the wound, trying futilely to wipe away the blood so she could see.

Cherri jerked under her hands, eyes blinking open. “D- Lil- you have to go.”

“Go where?” D asked gently. It was clear Cherri wasn’t going to let them help until he passed on whatever he was going to say, so Lily let D talk.

“Go- just. Just go somewhere. They know about the radio station- bli, they’re coming to hunt us down soon. They know Lil’s in Zone Four.”

D and Lily exchanged glances.

“Go pack our stuff,” Lily told him. “I’ll take care of Cher.”

D nodded to her and hurried upstairs as she threaded the needle with hands that shook more than she wanted to admit. “Okay, Cherri, I need you to be brave. This is going to hurt like a bitch.”

“Got it.” Cherri’s teeth were clenched. 

Lily started the first stitch, trying not to flinch as Cherri gave a tiny yelp of pain. “It’s going to be okay, only a few more stitches, okay?”

She got a tiny nod and another hiss of pain in response. Every pained noise cut at her heart, but she couldn’t let Cherri lose too much blood. Only the Phoenix Witch knew how much he had lost already. So Lily put in careful stitch after careful stitch, pausing to clean the needle occasionally.

“What happened, Cher?” 

“Went to- went to raid a supply truck.” He sucked in a breath as Lily tied off the next stitch. “Exterminator was altered by the clap. Found me and shot me.”

“How the hell did you get away?” D was returning from the upstairs with almost everything they owned neatly packed away, getting ready to pack up any stuff in the living room that they’d be able to take. 

“They-“ he winced. “They let me go. Threatened me, told me to tell you two that you wouldn’t win.”

Lily glanced at D again and found that the concern in his eyes mirrored her own. “Okay, you’re all sewed up, Cherri. Let’s go out to the van.”

Cherri tried to get up, but D pushed him down firmly. “Absolutely not, you’re barely even stitched up. I’ll carry you out.”

“Fine.” Cherri didn’t resist as D picked him up, following Lily outside. She watched to make sure everything went smoothly as they set him down on the small nest of blankets and other soft things Lily had thrown together, then headed to the front. By the time D had settled next to their youngest crew member, she was already in the drivers’ seat, getting ready to take them away from here. 

Lily thought she heard Cherri mutter something about ‘I’m not a child’, but he was curled up and fast asleep within minutes as she stepped on the gas. 

And meanwhile, Dr. Death Defying made his way back up to the front of the van carefully, sliding into shotgun. 

“Feels real now,” Lily said as her best friend settled next to her. She was still carefully steering them down the road, trying not to bump too much and wake up Cherri.

“We knew the consequences from the start.” D’s voice was businesslike, but Lily could hear the strain of worry behind it.

“We did. We’ve seen enough death to know it could happen to us.” She didn’t take her eyes off the road. “But it feels more real when it’s Cher who got hurt.”

“He’s so young,” D agreed. Their voice had softened and grown quieter.

“He is. God, I know he’s hardly younger than we were when we were shipped off to fight, but he’s still a child, D.”

“I know, Lil.”

“He’s so small. So young. And he’s got that way about him like there’s kindness behind the pain. Who put him in this war? Who let him be one of our little rebel soldiers? He should be….”

“Happy,” D finished for her. “Safe. Not going head-to-head with exterminators and helping run a radio station.”

“Exactly.” Her voice shook more than she would have liked. “Are we doing the right thing, D? Can we justify letting children fight a war we know we might not win?”

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. 

“It’s not like we can stop them from fighting, but sometimes I question if we should encourage them,” Lily went on. “So many of them are going to die, D.”

“That’s how war is. We know that.”

"We learned it well.” She knew her laugh was a little bit bitter. “It’s still not right, though.”

“No, it’s not. But we’re not fighting for nothing. There’s a future without Better Living, and we have to fight for that. Fight for it with everything we’ve got.”

Lily sighed. “I guess you’re right. I don’t like it, but we don’t have a choice now. Got ourselves into this mess, I guess we better get ourselves out of it.”

“That’s the spirit,” D said dryly.

“You think we should send Cher away?” It was an abrupt subject change, but that was what had been hovering in her mind as she and D debated morality. “He’s going to get hurt a lot by being with us.”

“He’s going to get hurt either way. He wasn’t even with us today when he got hurt, and the exterminator didn’t sound like they recognized him. Cherri is reckless, we both know. He’s going to get hurt.”

“And it’s not like he would listen if we tried to send him away anyways.”

“That too. He would stick to us like superglue.”

Lily took her eyes off the road briefly to glance back at Cherri, who was still curled up tightly as they bumped along. Even when he slept, there was a slight bit of guardedness to him, unwilling to fully stretch out. “I wish it didn’t have to be this way.”

“Me too.”

-

They hadn’t known where they were going when they packed up and left the house, only knowing that they needed to get out, but a plan started to form in White Lily’s mind as they headed down the road. D didn’t question her, seemingly absorbed in his thoughts as he stared out the window, and Cherri was passed out from a combination of blood loss and not sleeping well for a while. Ever, really. Lily didn’t think he had slept through the night since he arrived- he rarely actually woke one of them up, but she was up on her own often enough when he would be awake and bumping around. So even without the ray gun wound, he definitely needed sleep.

Lily turned them off the path they had been following, pulling up in a somewhat intact town. They were parked in front of the most intact house, an almost Victorian style home with sturdy walls. This was where Lily knew she could find an old friend, of sorts. 

Autumn Assassin was somewhere between twenty-five and thirty years old, about five foot four, and utterly and completely terrifying. They were the best shot with a ray gun she had ever met, with the possible exception of Cherri, and could use a variety of other weapons with startling ease. They were also terrifyingly competent at cooking and keeping organized, and hadn’t put up with anyone’s shit in living memory. Lily had served with them for a time in the Helium Wars, and that brief service together was enough to give her a healthy respect for them. 

“Where are we?” D asked, finally seeming to come out of their thoughts.

“An old friend’s house." Lily headed into the back, grabbing one of the bags as D lifted Cherri carefully. She led the others up to the door of the old and mostly intact house, knocking once she had finished laughing at the ‘House of Soup’ spray-painted next to the door. 

Said door was opened by an unfamiliar killjoy with messy blond hair. “Hello, what can I do for you?”

“I need to talk to Autumn Assassin, do they still live here?”

“Sure do!” There was a loud crash and some yells from within the house. “I’ll get them in uhhh a second. HEY AUTUMN! WE NEED YOU UP HERE!”

A few more yells followed that, as well as one or two more crashes. “Now put that sword down or so help me!” The familiar tiny killjoy appeared at the door, putting their hands solidly on their hips. “So what is it, Princey?”

“These fine ‘joys showed up on our doorstep and asked to see you.”

“Ah. White Lily!”

“Hey, Autumn Assassin. You don’t happen to have a spare room, do you?”

Autumn Assassin looked them up and down, eyes raking over D’s tired face, the bits of blood splattering all of them, and Cherri passed out in D’s arms. “Of course I do.”

Lily breathed a tiny sigh of relief as the smaller killjoy hurried them inside. The interior of the house proved to be quite cozy, a nice living room outfitted with a verity of mismatching and likely stolen or scavenged furniture. There were also a variety of killjoys lounging around the living room and/or draped over said furniture, laughing and calling back and forth to each other as Autumn Assassin led the three of them further inside and up the stairs.

They turned left on the landing, opening the door to what had once been a bedroom, clearly. “Here you go, this is the best free room in the house, currently. We might even have an extra mattress laying around, you’ll have to give me a second to find it through.” They rummaged around in the closet of the room for a few minutes. “Ah! Here we go!”

It was a larger mattress than one would reasonably expect to fit in a closet, but Autumn Assassin had managed to cram it in there anyways, it appeared. They hauled it out and laid it across the floor of the fairly bare room. “Here you go.” 

“Thank you,” Lily said gratefully as D set Cherri down. 

“Of course. Now come tell me about your friends and how you came to be here, I’ve got to cook dinner but you can come downstairs with me.”

“I’ll wait with Cherri,” D told Lily. “He’ll probably not be very happy about waking up alone in a strange place.”

Lily nodded and so did Autumn as they tromped downstairs, shouldering past another killjoy to reach the kitchen. “And here we go, pass me that can of power pup, would you?”

Lily handed it to them. “So you’ve been living here…”

“Couple of months now, me and the brit boys settled down here first and then we acquired a couple of other friends along the way. It’s a safehouse of sorts, we give a room to anyone who needs one.”

“Gotcha.”

“So how did you come to be here with an injured teenager and that other guy?”

“That other guy is Dr. Death Defying, my friend from my very first squadron. And the teenager is Cherri Cola, a random killjoy who came to live with us after he accidentally stumbled on our house while looking for shelter.”

“Seems legit.” They were stirring a pot of power pup with a few other things thrown in. “So how did you end up here?”

“You know 109 WKIL?”

“The radio station? Of course I do.”

“We run that, you might know, and so Better Living Industries has been trying to track our signal. Cherri went out and got hurt in a clap with an exterminator, and the exterminator told him that they were close to finding WKIL, so we had to leave home in a hurry.”

“And he didn’t die? An exterminator?”

“Didn’t die, just got hurt. He’s a good shot and a much better fighter than you would expect.”

Autumn Assassin nodded, stirring the pot one more time before they put it over the fire already lit in the sink. “So you decided to come here?”

“I knew it would be safe, and I figured you would let us stay for a while.”

“Hon, you can stay as long as you need.” They made a face. “I’ve started talking like a southern grandma.” 

“You practically are a grandparent,” Lily deadpanned. 

“Rude. See if I let you stay here now.” Their voice was joking, and Lily didn’t think for a second they would actually kick her out. “But in all seriousness, you really can stay for as long as you need. You’re staying until your friend is healed at least. He looks like barely more than a kid.”

“He’s sixteen. Seventeen by now, I’m guessing, but he didn’t tell us his birthday.” She ignored the faint twinge of guilt that neither she nor D had thought to ask. Birthdays weren’t such a big deal in the desert, but they still celebrated when they could. 

“See? Child. Baby. Youngster.”

“You’re literally twenty-five.”

“I’m still not a literal child. Plus, I’m a cat grandparent.”

White Lily raised her eyebrows at them.

“Princey- his name is Prince of Wales but we call him Princey- adopted a mangy stray cat. And we’ve decided I’m the collective parent friend.” Autumn gave the pot another fierce stir. 

“Ah.”

“Yeah.” They lifted the pot off the heat. “Dinner!”

This was met by a cascade of killjoys thundering down the stairs and several more hurrying in from the living room, much to Autumn Assassin’s disgruntled “One at a time!” 

Within a few minutes, everyone had snatched one of the chipped bowls or plates (some of which appeared to actually be empty power pup cans) and were lined up neatly. D and Cherri appeared to have been alerted by the noise as well, given that they made their way slowly down the stairs after everyone else.

“Guests first,” Autumn Assassin said firmly, and the killjoys all stepped aside to let D and Cherri by. “Here you go, Lily, here you go…Dr. Death Defying, Lily said?”

He nodded.

“And here you go, young man.” They dumped some in the chipped bowl one of the ‘joys had handed Cherri. 

“Thank you,” Cherri said quietly.

“Of course. Go sit down, you three, I’m going to hand some out to the rest of this lot.” Within a few minutes, the entire household was sprawled back out around the room eating the mixture that Autumn Assassin had spooned onto their plates, and Autumn Assassin came to join the three of them over in the corner Lily had claimed.

“I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced, I’m Autumn Assassin.”

“Cherri Cola.”

“Dr. Death Defying. It’s nice to meet you; Lily said you were a friend of hers?”

“We knew each other during the Helium Wars,” Lily explained. “I figured they would be happy for us to come stay a bit.”

“And I am, you can stay as long as you need. We don’t turn away ‘joys in need in this household.” They gestured with their spoon a bit as they spoke, adding emphasis to their words. “If I have extra food and rooms, I might as well give them to people.”

“Well, we’re very glad you do,” Dr. Death Defying put in.

“Of course.”

The rest of the dinner was quiet, at least for the four of them. The rest of the room was filled with laughter and chatter and spirit, a bunch of teens and twenty-something killjoys talking between themselves and having a good time. Occasionally, one of them got up to grab more from the pot that Autumn Assassin had prepared, until the entire thing was empty and everyone seemed to have eaten their fill. After the meal was over, they all split off to different places, some off to bed and some to hang out on the roof, it seemed. The three of them went back to the little room, figuring that Cherri could use some rest and all pretty tired themselves.

Cherri was conked out within minutes, and D and Lily settled on the mattress but didn’t go to sleep just yet.

“I hope we don’t bring bli down on Autumn Assassin’s head,” D fretted softly.

“If we do, they’ll flip the corporation off and keep right on cooking,” Lily predicted with a snort.

D gave a small chuckle. “They might just, from what I’ve seen of them so far.”

“They’re terrifyingly put together. And a good fighter, but how organized they are is scarier.”

“They act like they have their life together.”

Lily flopped on her back, staring at the ceiling. “I’m pretty sure they do. Unlike us.”

“Unlike us. We’re trying to run a revolution at twenty-two and twenty-one though, I think it can be forgiven.”

“Probably.”

D groaned softly as he settled down as well. “I’m too young for achy everything.”

“So am I, and everything still fucking hurts sometimes.”

“Guess that’s life.” 

The duo stared up at the ceiling together as Cherri slept well, not exactly peacefully, but not horribly, at least. They had already talked about the morality of all this, but Lily was sure that would have been their topic of conversation if they hadn’t. It was awfully hard to decide if they were doing the right thing, sometimes. They were fighting for the future of their generation and all the ones after, but that fight would take away hundreds or thousands of futures as well. Could the death of so many people, so many teenagers, just barely out of childhood, be justified? Could she ask children to die for her? It had been an exhausting day, but even in the safety of Autumn Assassin’s house, her mind refused to rest. She had a thousand doubts and no one to say them to, not even D. They doubted too, she knew, but D had a somewhat more utilitarian approach to it all. To him, the world they were fighting for was worth all the death and pain. It had to be, or why would they fight? So Lily didn’t say anything further about it, but she didn’t sleep either.

It appeared D wasn’t sleeping as well, as they shifted slightly on the mattress beside her. “It’s real now, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s real now,” Lily agreed quietly.

In the history books that Better Living Industries would write, the Analog Wars began in 2010, when dangerous anarchists attacked a peaceful Better Living Industries encampment. In the stories passed down by the killjoys, they began a couple of months before that, with the attack on a small town of killjoys and neutrals by Better Living Industries. But to Dr. Death Defying and White Lily, the war began the second their friend staggered in the door with a hand pressed to his bleeding side and a dreadful warning on his lips.

[argonaut--keene]

If you're up for it, I'd love something h/c with taakitz, with Kravitz as the one needing comfort. Either emotional or physical is fine! Thank you :)

This forced me to actually figure out how I want to write Taakitz, so thank you!!!!! Sorry it took so long, I was struggling to end it, lol.

Word count: 1,416

Warnings: food, discussion around Death Crimes, mention of off-page child death and of off-page suicide attempt (not named characters), having a Bad Day™️

__________________________________

Taako was puttering around the kitchen when the stone of farspeech around his neck beeped and his sister’s voice came through. 

“Hey, Taako? You around?” She sounded tired and a little bit sad.

He grabbed the stone and answered. “Yeah, course I’m around, sis. Something wrong?”

“No…well, yeah. But not with me, at least, um…not really. Has, uh, has Kravitz gotten home yet?”

Taako frowned. “No…I thought y’all were all working until this evening. Did something happen?”

Lup sighed into the stone, and it gave a loud crackling sound in protest. “Yeah. It’s going to be okay, nobody’s like, hurt, or anything. Kravitz said he was taking the long way home, no rifting. So I guess it could be another hour or so? Anyway, I was calling to warn you that he’s not doing so hot.”

“What happened?” Taako demanded.

“Um, if he wants to talk about it, he will. Sorry, Koko, I know that’s not helpful, I just…he looked so sad.”

“Is it like, ‘make him some cookies and give him a hug’ type of sad? Or like, 'expect him to collapse into bed crying and stay there for a week’ type of sad?” Taako wanted to know.

She hesitated. “Somewhere in the middle.”

“Cool. I will make cookies and also have a blanket nest prepared. Will you and Barry be home anytime soon?”

“Hold on–” Her voice got quieter. “Babe, how long do you think this is gonna take?”

Muffled in the background, Barry said something that Taako couldn’t quite hear.

“Not until late tonight, we think. We’ve got a bit of a mess to clean up. Not much of a physical mess, more of a metaphysical mess. Well. Anyway, gotta go, Koko. Try and cheer your boyfriend up. Love you!”

“Love ya, Lulu.” The stone went silent. Taako got started on the cookies.

The thing was, there wasn’t much that could make Kravitz really upset anymore. He had been around for a long time in a pretty demanding and depressing line of work. He wasn’t numb to the horrible things he saw, he had just…well, they didn’t shock him anymore. Whatever had happened today, it must have been bad.

When the front door opened, Taako was just taking the cookies out of the oven. He heard footsteps in the front hall and decided to let Kravitz come to him. After a few minutes, Kravitz stepped into the kitchen. “Wanna talk about it?” was all Taako said as he turned around.

Kravitz looked so tired. “How did you…?”

“Lup called,” Taako said simply.

“She told you what happened?”

“Well, she told me something happened. The unspecific nature of that remark did nothing to appease my tendency to worry, so you should be very impressed by the amount I am not freaking out right now.” Taako held out a small plate. “Cookie?”

“Not…um, not right now, love. Sorry.”

“All good, I have multiple options prepared. Would you rather curl up in a nest of blankets until you’re ready to talk about it?” he offered.

“I…yeah. Yeah, that one sounds nice.” Kravitz let Taako take him into the bedroom, get him into pajamas, and pull him down into the blanket pile on the bed. He curled up on his side. His breathing was a little unsteady.

Taako rubbed his shoulder gently. “Just let me know when you’re ready to chat,” he murmured.

“I’m alright, Taako, I’ll be alright.”

“I know, course you will. But y'know how you always tell me that it’s better to talk about it? That goes both ways. But not until you’re ready,” Taako said. “Okay?”

Kravitz was going to answer, but no words came out. He just nodded.

Patiently, Taako sat with him and held his hand for almost two hours before Kravitz spoke again. He mumbled something so quietly that Taako couldn’t hear it. “What was that, pumpkin?”

“My job isn’t to be fair,” Kravitz repeated a little more loudly. “I can’t…I’m responsible for keeping the planar system in order. Not to make it fair. If I make exceptions, things go wrong. It’s not always fair.”

“Um…yeah, that makes sense.” Taako wished that he knew what had happened. It would make it a lot easier to make sure he wasn’t going to say the wrong thing.

“I’ve been doing this for so long that I can’t even remember how long I’ve been doing it for, Taako, and I still can’t get used to that. It…it’s not usually like this, though. Most of my bounties are doing something wrong, something harmful, not…”

Taako put his hand on Kravitz’s cheek and carefully tilted his face up. “Look at me? Hey. Whatever happened, it’s not your fault. You’re doing your job. And you do it damn well.”

“Doesn’t mean it isn’t awful.” Kravitz reached up and wiped at his eyes, although he wasn’t really crying.

“No, I know that. Or at least, I can see that. Do y'think you’re gonna be able to tell me what happened, darlin’? I wanna help, but it’s hard when I don’t know what’s got you upset,” Taako requested.

Hesitantly, Kravitz explained that he had been assigned a bounty on an older halfling woman and the spirit of a six-year-old halfling boy who had drowned in a river a week before the woman, his grandmother, had desperately turned to necromancy to bring him back to life. Although Kravitz had been able to offer the woman a second chance, the child’s spirit had been taken back to the astral plane. His grandmother had pleaded for an exception to the rule and eventually begged to be guided to the astral plane alongside the boy, who was her only living relative. Kravitz had apologized and offered to bring her to people who would understand and might be able to help. She hadn’t accepted his offer.

“What…um, what did she do?” Taako asked, not sure if he wanted the answer.

“She tried to kill herself with magic,” Kravitz stated. “She didn’t succeed–I was too shocked to do anything, but Lup and Barry had arrived by then and they made sure she didn’t succeed. We left her in the care of one of her neighbors and…hoped for the best.”

“Oh. Shit, Krav, wow.”

“It’s just, they usually don’t do that, Taako. It’s not like I haven’t seen plenty of people who turned to necromancy when they’ve lost something they think they can’t bear to lose, but they usually have something worth living for when I tell them that they can’t have the person back. She just didn’t think she did. Maybe she’ll find one again, but she didn’t seem to think so.” Kravitz rolled over, situating himself in Taako’s lap and hiding his face in his side. He was silently asking for comfort and Taako obliged, stroking his hair and his back as Kravitz trembled.

“This really shook you up good, huh, pumpkin?” sighed Taako. “Alright. Alright, I’ve gotcha. You’re gonna be fine. I’ve gotcha.”

“I love you, Taako,” he mumbled. “I love you, and…and I’m really grateful for you. You know that?”

Taako couldn’t help but smile a little bit. “I know, darlin’. I love you, too.”

“Thank you for putting up with this, I’m sorry for being so depressing.”

Now Taako laughed. “Oh–I’m sorry for laughing, sweetheart, but honey, you deal with enough of my panic attacks and nightmares and crying fits that if I was annoyed by you having a bad day, I’d be a pretty big asshole. You’re just fine.” He felt Kravitz shudder. “Krav? Are you crying?”

“A little,” he said, muffled against Taako’s shirt.

Taako leaned down and wrapped him in a tight embrace. “Alright, it’s okay. It’s okay. You go ahead and cry, it’s okay. It’s alright, pumpkin, you’re all good." 

Kravitz was a quiet crier. It was only because the tiny shakes of his shoulders calmed down that Taako could tell he had stopped. "Thank you,” he whispered.

“No need to thank me, zeekseit, hey. I’ve gotcha.” Taako kept hugging him until he sat up on his own. He cupped his hand around Kravitz’s cheek. “How ya doing?”

He took a deep breath. “Better,” he said. “Much…much better.”

Taako smiled and bumped their foreheads together gently. “So…want that cookie now?”

“I…” Kravitz kissed him. 

“Of course, I’m much sweeter than any cookie,” Taako teased. He was thrilled when Kravitz let out a quiet but genuine laugh.

“You certainly are,” he acknowledged. “That you certainly are.”

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 51 - Full. With the nursery scene, it would have ended up being waaaaay too long, but now you know what's coming

Eren's had spent a week in hospital, his omega then returning fully over the next two weeks. It was a roller coaster for both of them. Eren still struggling to control emotions. Some days and nights were better than others. Some days Eren couldn't even get out bed, thanks to being exhausted by his nightmares or the inability to get comfortable. Then some days, he couldn't get out of bed without being reduced into a panicking mess over the smallest of things. Like Levi closing a drawer too hard... he'd taken his bad shift out on the cutlery drawer, causing Eren to bolted into the bathroom. He'd stayed there for the better part of three hours before calming down enough to come back out. Then there were the sudden bouts of anger that seemed to well up from nothing at all... He'd bought eggs without thinking about it, eggs still seemingly taboo in the apartment. Eren had lost hit shit over it, throwing each and every single one of the dozen at him with angry screams. If it'd been anyone other than Eren, he would have been pissed. Handling the situation like a mature adult, he'd laughed. He couldn't help it. Eren had run out of curses after the forth egg, just defaulting to calling him a "constipated arsehole", before getting flustered at himself over it all. It'd been adorable. His boyfriend might be ridiculously tall, but he was, as Hanji would describe, an "anger muffin". Impossible to actually be mad at due to the fact he was completely adorable. At 22 weeks, his boyfriend was a force to be reckoned with. His affectionate side had come back, Levi enjoying every second of it. Eren would have dinner or breakfast ready, and a bath waiting for him. His omega seemed to be prefer baths to showers, and didn't want to bathe alone. It only dissolved into sex half the time... He couldn't keep his hands off his mates stomach, pathetically in love with the swell and the future it meant. He was acting completely foolish, almost unlike himself. His protective instincts were only growing stronger, each time he left work, he forced Eren to lock the door properly behind him. It was the only way he could make through his shifts. That and when Eren was awake, they'd message back and forth all day. His omega choosing to throw himself into working through the books Levi had ordered for him. His drive to learn so great, that Levi had been thinking about asking Eren if he'd like to enrol in some online classes, or at least find a way for his boyfriend to get his high school equivalency. With how determined Eren was, he was sure he could manage it, especially with only 18 weeks being left until the due date of their pup. It all seemed like it was approaching too fast. Like if he blinked, he'd miss it, and he didn't want to miss a single thing in both Eren's and their child's life. With things finally looking better, Levi was finally able to bring the nursery issue up with Eren. His boyfriend had plenty of ideas, which surprised him. He'd thought Eren spent his time alone at home napping, cleaning or working on his studies. He hadn't even considered the fact that Eren might sneak into the spare room to take measurements, and compile a basic list of what he wanted via screen shots. All of it was perfect... Almost too perfect... yet quite unlike him, he didn't find himself dwelling on all the "what ifs" of the situation. Labour was dangerous. It'd never been a safer time to be having children, yet 830 women died a day due to pregnancy and complications. Males at an even higher risk as their bodies didn't stretch the way a female did. He knew if the fluid situation didn't happen to level out, that Eren would most likely require a c-section, and he knew Eren would automatically blame himself for it all. Finally getting two days off in a row, Levi had hit cloud nine. He'd spent the morning having lazy sex and snuggles with Eren. Their bed a complete mess by the time the two of the had crawled out of it. This had been followed by a quick hard fuck with Eren bent over the bathroom counter. Then had come showering with, and carefully cleaning out his blissed out omega. Eren coming with a whimper as he did. He'd wanted nothing more than to curl up with Eren on the sofa, and binge on a bunch of bad movies, but they were going shopping for nursery and baby things. His "suppressed" alpha constantly reminding him of the fact, as it wanted to show how good it was at providing for their child. There was also the fact that Eren wanted his hair cut, after trying to cut it himself in the bathroom, and the fact that nearly nothing of the omega's fitted over his swollen stomach anymore. Personally, Levi didn't give two shits if Eren wanted to walk around shirt free, or just in his bra. His lover's body was beautiful, and his developing breasts were perfect for holding onto when he mounted him from behind. He was lucky Eren felt the same way. He'd succeeded in making Eren come in his pants, by toying with his nipples while making out on the sofa. Eren's white dress was the only thing that properly covered his bump. Coupled with a pair of yoga pants and one of Levi's hoodies, his omega really didn't want to wear shoes. There was no way he was letting his boyfriend walk around bared foot getting all sorts of nasty germs all over them. His firm attitude led to Eren crying, but allowing Levi to put shoes on him... while leaving Levi feeling like a bit of an arse. Eren had enough problems as it was. His depression wasn't something magically cured by the return of his omega, it'd just helped to take the edge off. They still had plenty to talk about. For instance, the fact Eren thought himself a murderer, but that was barely remembered once they'd started being physical again. Heading to the closest shopping centre, Eren clung to him adorably... even if it was from anxiety. With his heartburn making breakfast nearly impossible, Levi was determined to do as much as he could for Eren. He'd gotten him to drink some milk, so his stomach wasn't completely empty. Not that it counted as breakfast in his eyes. He'd just have to trust that Eren would let him know when he was hungry. Walking into the department store, Levi snagged a trolley "Now. Anything you like, anything at all, you can get" "Mmm... I know. I, uh... talked to Marco and Hanji a little" "You've been talking to Marco?" "I thought I told you that Hanji brought him to see me. He apologised for being a bad friend... he came and saw me again, without Hanji and we talked a little... it's not like how it used to be, but he's... yeah. It's better" Levi wasn't sure if he liked Eren hanging around Marco again. Not when Jean was such a fucking arsehole. Jean getting into Eren's head, would be... no. Marco had to prove himself to Eren first, then maybe he would be allowed to visit... sans Jean. He might just tear that fucker's throat out if he had the chance "Ok. As long as you're ok with it, then I'll... be ok with it" "Don't worry. I'm not rushing to have them over. Don't give me that look. Your expression said it all" "I might just kill Jean if I see him" Eren swayed, before shaking his head. Fuck. He should have picked his words better. Taking a deep breath, Eren brought himself back under control "You can't do that. Marco's pregnant again" "Again? Haven't they heard of condoms?" "He smelt like it" "How old's Mina now?" "Uh... I think she was born in... November? No. We went on holiday in November. I can't remember, but like 10ish months? It's halfway through September... She looks so much like Marco" "Lucky girl. I wouldn't curse my worst enemy with Jean's looks" Eren giggled "That's harsh. I want our pup to look like you" "I know... but I've seen your baby photos, and I've seen you grow. I would be the luckiest alpha in the world if our pup looked like you" Eren blushed "Aren't you already the luckiest alpha in the world? My throbbing arse says you are" Eren's comment went straight to his dick. It was hard to believe he could still get hard enough how many times he and Eren had indulged in each other's bodies. Clearing his throat, his voice was slightly husky as he replied "Listen here, brat. If you keep that up, the nursery is never going to be done" 22 weeks may be too soon to start preparing the nursery, but it had now been months since he'd suggested it. He wanted to give Eren the chance to change his mind if he wanted, and wanted to give them enough time that they wouldn't be rushing to put everything together. What he'd read online said it was common for omega's to even nest in there when close to their due date. This was their first child. He didn't want to fuck up. That's why he'd chosen to go shopping before cleaning out the room. They could spent today and tomorrow making sure every purchase was just right "I'm just saying..." "And I'm just saying that I love you" "You love me enough to ruin my arse?" "And your breasts, and your mouth..." Eren playfully punched him on the shoulder "It's not my fault everything you do feels... good" "I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy, but... you've really opened up over being intimate" "I still can't... on my own. But with you, I want it. Only with you" "Does it bother you when I touch myself?" Eren's blush deepened "It... it's hot" He hadn't been aiming for a reply, but Eren's mumble was cute "I'm just teasing you" "You're an arsehole, old man" "Yeah. Anyway, baby shopping?" "Shopping for our pup. Not quite baby shopping. I think one is going to be hard enough" "Alright, brat. Point taken" "Good. If you behave, I might be persuaded to give you a treat" "I don't know if I can behave" "Then no treat for you. Come on, I want to get all the soft stuff first. I want to make sure it's all washed and sorted" Eren bopped him on the nose with the tip of his pointer finger. His warm scent rolling over Levi like the fresh rains of a storm, barely a note of anxiety to it. He was so fucking proud of him, even if he was a little shit. Walking a few steps ahead, Eren didn't realise Levi was still rooted to the spot, momentarily stripped of basic functions as rush of love filled his gut with warmth. Why the fuck hadn't he just proposed? Eren knew exactly what he wanted, that was one of the joys of actually going shopping with him. Though pregnant, he wanted to just get in, get everything they'd settled on, and get out... Then they hit the baby clothes. Getting Eren more maternity clothes had been easy. Soft and comfortable yoga pants and stretch belted jeans, couples with a few long sleeved shirts and bras that converted to nursing bras. Baby clothes sent his omega into while different kind of panic. Eren had picked up a soft fleece onesie and broken down. He wasn't crying, but his scent was definitely troubled and everything he picked up, he placed back "Eren, what's wrong?" Placing his hand on his stomach, Eren turned to him. His bright eyes filled with pain "Do you think I deserve to keep this baby?" "What do you mean?" "I... I don't know if I deserve this baby anymore... Levi... what do I do?" "You tell me what's going on, and we figure this out together" "I... my dad... he did something... It was horrible, Levi" Reaching out, Levi took Eren by the arm, gently pulling him close "You're not your father" "He... he took babies from omegas. How many omega's lost their pups because of him... 10 years... hundreds of omegas, Levi. And then he just dies. He dies. He... How do I live with that?" Hushing Eren softly, Levi nuzzled his neck "You live by loving our pup with everything you have" "Why? Why should I get to keep my pup, when they didn't?" "Because you weren't the one to take their pups away. That sin. That sin is a stain on your father, not you" "The sins of the father are inherited by the son" "That's a load of shit. I don't even know my fucking father and I, sure as hell, am not going to start cleaning up his shit. You're not him" "But Levi..." "No. This pup. This pup is ours. You're allowed to want this and to be happy. What he's done, it's not ok. And I will tell you as many times as you need, you will be an amazing mother. You're allowed to be happy and to love this pup" "I feel so guilty. Looking at all this. It's like... they never got to do this with their babies" "That's because the world is shit. They treat omega's like shit and walk all over them to make themselves feel better. It's not fair. To them or to you. I love you, and when you're ready to tell me more, I will listen" Grisha could go choke on a bag of dicks... or maybe a sack of balls, seeing he obviously didn't have a set. What kind of fucked up shit had the man done? And why the fuck... No. he just had no words for him "I don't want to remember, but how do I forget?" "I don't know. I love you, ok?" "I love you too, Levi. I... think maybe we... I don't know..." "We can go home, if you want? Or we can get a few more things. Or we can get the furniture? Whatever you want to do" "Can we do furniture? This is just..." "You don't have to explain. I understand" "I really... I don't even know what I'm saying now" "You're saying how much you love me, and how we're going to order way too much food when we get home. You're going to take a bath, and..." "How do you do that?" "Do what?" "Love me, so easily. No matter what I say" "It's your arse. I... love your arse. I was born gay, just to be with your arse. I'm not giving that arse up to anyone" Eren sighed at him, nuzzling and kissing his hair as Eren's hand found his "Why am I bonded to you?" "Because you love me" "Oh... I forgot about that" "Shitty brat. Eren, thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me" "It seems like I'm pretty much stuck with you, not matter what I do" "You're only just working that out?" "I didn't go to school, remember?" "As long as it's not my fault that it's taken this long to realise that" "No... No. You... You're my strength, Lee. Coming home to you, that's the only thing that kept me going. I love you" "I love you, and I think this is getting too mushy for a shopping trip" "You're probably right. I never really realised how small baby clothes actually are" "It'd be a bit weird if you just gave birth to a full grown adult" "Don't go giving him ideas... I'm already scared about the labour" "You'll be fine. I'll be with you" "Yeah... as long as he doesn't get ideas about coming too soon" "Don't go jinxing it" "I'm not. You're the one giving him ideas" "I can't help it. I never thought I'd be a father. I never even thought I'd find a mate, or have a family. This is all your fault" "My fault? I'm pretty sure you said you were born gay to be with my arse" "It doesn't sound romantic when you say it" "It's not romantic at all. At least, not to anyone butt me" "Did you just...?" "Maybe. What are you going to do about it?" "Just you wait until we get home. I'll be happy to show you just how much I love that arse of yours" "Fuck. I'm slick as it is..." "All the more reason we should grab what we planned and get home. You've turned me into a horny old man, who can barely keep it in my pants" Eren paused as he moved to step towards the shopping trolley "Do you... do you really find me that attractive? I... kind of just... feel fat" "I found you beautiful before you even fell pregnant, and I can honestly say I find you just as beautiful now" "Even though I look like this?" "There is nothing wrong with the way you look. And if anyone dares say otherwise, I will bash the ever living shit out of them" "Really?" "I promise" "Then I suppose we should get you home" * Their playful banter had helped distract Eren from his guilt. His omega had perked up when they'd moved towards furniture, only to deflate again until Levi started teasing him again. He'd never thought Eren would be subjected to the harsh reality of those who used and abused omegas. Not after Zeke's death. Knowing the cause of Eren's depression made things much more understandable, while the strength of Eren's trust in him was a little terrifying. With his omega rejecting the pup, and his guilt over carrying, the fact Eren hadn't done something extreme like aborting it, only served to weigh heavily on his mind. Eren kept going through the pregnancy because he knew how much he wanted it. That was all Levi could put it down to. His omega who'd so desperately wanted this child, hadn't thought to get rid of it, because he didn't want to hurt him. Sure, now that his omega had evened out, his moods had improved, but it must have been fucking hard for Eren to keep that inside. He'd probably only confided in Krista... They were lucky to have found such an understanding therapist, and one that Eren could vent to. Returning home from shopping, they headed up to the apartment. The larger items of furniture were being delivered the following day, while the car seat and the majority of the bedding was still in the car. Eren having slowly run out of steam and needing a nap. Lunch leaving his lover seemingly more exhausted than before they'd started eating. Letting Eren in first, his omega made to the sofa before sinking down onto it, automatically going to curl up on it, only to stop before his shoes touched the cushions. Waving his arm at him, Eren groaned "I'm coming" "My feet are too far away. This wouldn't have happened if you'd let me get away with no shoes" "No. You'd be taking a shower if you weren't wearing shoes" "So mean. I don't think you understand fat and swollen feet at all" "Your feet aren't fat" "They feel fat. I feel fat" Draping his waving arm over his face, Eren sighed dramatically "I'm beached" "Hi, beached..." He didn't even get to finish his sentence before Eren was throwing a cushion at him "Please, Levi. Just... help" Closing the apartment door, Levi decided everything down in the car could wait. Placing the bags of Eren's clothes down by the sofa, he squatted down to free his omega of his shoes. Eren moaning the moment his feet were both free "Thank you... I have no idea how full term people walk around or wear high heels" "I honestly don't either. Do you want to nap here? Or in bed?" "Bed. I want cuddles" "Cuddles or sex?" "Cuddles during sex?" Laughing to himself, Levi moved to lift Eren from the sofa "Cuddles during sex?" "I don't know. Why am I so sleepy?" "Because you had a big day" "I don't feel like I did" "You did, and you did good. You told me when you reached your limit" "I feel like my limit isn't good enough" "Eren, trust me. You did good" "I trust you, but I'm still gonna disagree" "I bet if you told Krista, she'd agree" "We are literally about to fuck or snuggle. I don't wanna think about anyone else" Sitting Eren down, Levi helped him out his jacket and dress, then bra. Eren flopped back as if in defeat, lifting his arse to be free from his yoga pants "Eren, how would you feel about topping?" "Topping what? Like ice cream topping?" "Me" "Levi. My brain is like... already shut off... I'm sorry. I can't think" Stripping Eren down, Levi was far less careful when it came to his own clothes. Slick had soaked his boyfriend pad and underwear, leaving them almost sodden. Something that should have revolted, and once would have. Now it just had him itching to mount his mate. Propping himself up, Eren smiled at him "You're so fucking sexy" "Says the guy oozing slick" "Mmm, but that's your fault. And I notice you left my bra on. Do you love my breasts that much?" "You have no idea what I want to do to them" "Oh, is that right? Maybe you show me" "I thought you were sleepy" "There's no way I can sleep after looking at your dick" How could Eren possibly be so shy about masturbating, then sprout something like that? "Is that so?" "It'd just be cruel to make you sleep like that" Pushing himself up to sitting, Eren pulled him closer. His dick brushing over his omega's breasts "Fuck, brat..." "You could take the bra off?" "Mmm. I could, but then what would I do with your breasts?" "I don't know... but I think I want to" "I have an idea, but I want you to know I'll stop if you don't like it, or it feels uncomfortable" "I want to try more with you..." "Eren. I need to hear you say it" It was probably pathetic, but every time they tried something knew, or if Eren didn't initiate it, he still wanted to hear that it was really ok. Eren hadn't had a full blown panic attack from sex since falling pregnant, but he had had a few moments when Levi had needed to step back and let his omega calm back down, even if Eren hadn't noticed them "Levi, if it's too uncomfortable, it'll tell you" "Thank you" Freed from his bra, Levi now had a firm hold of Eren's breasts, pushing them together as he massaged them firmly. Moaning, Eren's legs were spread wide as Levi slowly rocked up against his boyfriend. His erection was trapped between the soft warm flesh of Eren's developing chest, with each trust making Eren mew. He hadn't been sure Eren would into this, but the constant stimulation seemed to be driving him wild, as Levi's desire to cum across Eren's face and chest grew. He'd never thought he'd into titty fucking his boyfriend, but it was fucking hot, especially when Eren slid one hand down to start jerking himself off. Building up a constant rhythm, he felt the tell tale feeling, knowing he was going to come all too soon "Eren, can I come?" "My mouth... I want to taste you" "Are you sure?" "Please alpha... let me taste you" Keeping his hand on Eren's right breast, he used his left to guide himself into Eren's eager mouth. His omega immediately hollowing his cheeks and bobbing his head. Shit. Eren's technique had him weak the knees "Eren..." Nodding around his erection, Eren's eyes met his. That was it. He was gone. His orgasm hitting hard enough for left knee to give out. Awkwardly half kneeling on the bed, he pulled out Eren's mouth as his mate started to choke, coming down Eren's lips and chest, as his lover's come hit his leg. Panting, Levi's head dropped forward, still coming as he tried to catch his breath. No one but Eren had ever made him come this fucking hard, it was seriously verging on ridiculous and felt like what he imagined a volcano erupting would feel like. For some reason that escaped him, it seemed like he came more now that Eren was pregnant. Almost like he was trying to get him pregnant all over again. Milking the last few drops free, he dropped down onto the bed, next to Eren who looked just as fucked as he was. Looking to his mate, Eren caught his eye before starting to laugh "What?" "That felt... kind of amazing" "You're laughing because it felt good?" "And because you have to help me clean up. I think I'm just going to fall asleep like this" "Give me a minute. I popped half a knot" Rubbing his dick, Eren rolled towards him "I'm so not up for kissing it better" "Says the guy covered in my come, and groping me" "Mmm. I just want to touch you. I want to remember every inch of you" "Oh?" "Mhmm. Especially these 9 inches" Leaning in, Eren's lips still held traces of the cinnamon and sugar from the donut he instead on having for lunch. The slow kiss slowly grew more hungry, Eren moaning into his mouth as he release his hold to climb into Levi's lap. Not wanting to break the kiss, Levi pushed himself up, Eren's stomach big enough to make things uncomfortable for him if he hadn't. Breaking the kiss, Eren whined as Levi started to stiffen beneath him. Rolling his hips, Eren started to ride him slowly, one hand on his stomach to keep his balance. With slick pooling in his lap, Levi let out a growl, his dick demanding to be inside their mate instead of just fucking him between his cheeks. Taking hold of Eren's arse, he lifted him enough to line up, the omega so wet and aroused that he could slowly sink into his heat without causing too much pain. It had probably helped that Eren was also still loose from that morning. Topping from the bottom, he held Eren's hips down as he thrust up, placing Eren's pleasure and comfort above his own. With each thrust, more come would dribble from the omega. Having just come, Levi took his time in reducing Eren into a fevered mess. Loving the way he moaned and mewed so sweetly just for him. As Eren's breathing grew more ragged, he started to clench and ripple, his orgasm close, but knowing another orgasm would leave him boneless, Levi lifted Eren, keeping just the tip buried inside as he flipped them over. Spreading his knees wide, his pace grew hard, the sound of squelching slick and wet skin against wet skin as he rode Eren through his orgasm and into his own, coming with a deep and almost primal snarl. Beneath him, Eren's eyelashes fluttered, Levi's heart stopping for a moment. Worried he'd hurt his mate he reached to cup Eren's cheek, before rubbing a soft circle with the pad of his thumb "Eren? Hey. Eren, can you hear me?" His mate didn't smell pained, nor did he feel pain from their bond. From what he could tell, Eren had passed out as soon as he'd come. He'd expected bonelessness, not outright passing out, though Eren had been exhausted. Climbing onto the bed was awkward, the position he ended up in wasn't exactly the best for collapsing into after sex, but he'd rather not cause any unnecessary discomfort for Eren. Resting his cheek against Eren's swell, he peppered kissed to Eren's stretch mark spotted skin. He knew Eren applied vitamin E cream to each stripe almost religiously, but he loved the marks. He didn't care if Eren's stomach never returned to being perfectly smooth. Pregnancy was changing Eren's body in so may ways, and other than his rank farts, Levi had no problems with it all. When Levi's knot finally deflated, he pulled from Eren. Given the fact his boyfriend had started to snore, he was pretty sure he hadn't hurt him. Retrieving a warm towel from the bathroom, Titan had appeared in his absence. Sitting on Eren's pillow, he scowled at Levi as he started to clean Eren down, as if blaming him for the current lack of cuddles. Making sure his boyfriend was as come free as he could be, Levi them grabbed a fresh pad and pair of underwear for Eren, getting him redressed and settled on his side of their bed. He'd completely forgotten the sheets were still a mess from that morning, so he'd settled Eren on the top sheet as it'd come through relatively clean, then grabbed a few of Eren's other blankets out the wardrobe to cover him with. Chucking Eren's clothes in the wash, he forced himself to shower. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with Eren, but his mind niggled at him, reminding him of the shopping waiting in the car. Eren was soundly asleep, and sorely needed it, giving him plenty of time to head down and retrieve everything. * Eren was in a forgiving mood. Actually, he was in the best mood he'd been in since bonding with Levi. Confessing his and his father's sin to his alpha may not have been planned, but it felt like the crushing tightness in his chest had eased. Levi had said it was ok to love his pup and to be happy. That what his father did wasn't his fault. It was completely different hearing it out loud, and from the alpha he loved so deeply. He could have told himself the exact same thing until he was blue in the face and he never would have believed it for himself. Having fallen asleep during sex, he'd woken to Levi cuddles. His alpha reading while playing absentmindedly with his hair. Eren couldn't help the rush of affection he felt every single time he looked to his mate. When he'd realised Levi wasn't going to propose any time soon, saying he was crushed was the understatement of the century, but gradually he settled back down, realising that perhaps Levi was planning something special and needed time to do so. He'd vowed to himself not to say anything, not after subjecting Levi to some of the foulest moods he'd ever experienced. Like seriously, who the fuck just throws a dozen eggs at their partner. It wasn't Levi's fault he didn't remember. His alpha worked his fucking arse so that they could live such a comfortable life. His own inheritance had been delayed due to the ongoing investigation into his father by Floch. Though he may have neglected to mention to Levi that man had called to tell him that. Levi would worry himself sick over it all. His alpha used to claim he was terrible at words, but every single word that came from Levi's lips was with love. Even when he'd had a horrible day at work, and was all broody and scowly, if he accident snapped he'd apologise right away. With the help of Levi, he'd showered and dressed, before his lover settled him down on the sofa in the living room. Levi so insistent on helping, he'd had to shoo him out so he could go to the toilet. Pregnant people peed a lot... like.... a lot. Equal parts impressed and annoyed, he eyed the organised mess spilling of their living area. While he'd been sleeping, Levi had moved all the new things for the pup to his room, and dragged everything out the spare room alone. With the smell of vinegar in the air, he could tell his alpha would have scrubbed the spare room from top to bottom already. Levi had once explained that vinegar kills mould, while bleach only serves to bleach it. Maybe it was the expectant mum in him, but the idea of the nursery stinking of bleach made his stomach roll. He wanted to be able to work in there, without worrying about the smell sending him scrambling for the toilet. Passing him his phone, Levi ruffed his hair on his way pass to the kitchen. Opening his Facebook up, he found himself doing something he never thought he would. First unblocking Armin, then adding him and the woman called Mikasa on his friends list. His father had told him how close they'd been, and with Levi's words of how he wasn't his father's sin or whatever it was, echoing in his mind. He sent them both friend requests, before placing his phone down and snatching up the TV remote. He'd expected to maybe feel some slight nerves, but he was just too happy to. When Levi joined him on the sofa, Eren sank into his warmth. He might be a horny shit, but cuddles felt even better. His alpha scent of warm free tea with the lingering touches of his body was had his omega internally purring. Starting to nibble at the sandwich Levi had made, his stomach rolled before rumbling "I'm not surprised you're staving" "I honestly feel like I haven't eaten in years" "That's because yesterday all you had was a glass of milk and lunch" "Yesterday?" "It's about 2 am. You slept for a solid 12 hours" "I don't feel like I have. Why didn't you wake me?" "Because making a baby takes a lot of energy. You needed the rest, especially when you didn't seem to have any nightmares" "I can't remember dreaming... I can't believe I fell asleep during sex" "You managed to scare the fuck out of me. I had a feeling you'd be tired, not that you'd pass out and start snoring" Eren's face dusted red with embarrassment, whining as it did. Levi was supposed to be nice to him! "Don't worry. I'm not mad" "I am. I didn't get my after sex cuddles" "No, but you're having cuddles now. You're not too sore, are you?" "No... my hips are, and my back, and feet, and my shoulders, and I feel bloated... I think I just want cuddles instead of sex" "I was thinking we could sort the boxes?" The things Levi decided to keep were going to be stored at Hanji's house, seeing she owned her own home, and had the space in her garage for them. Erwin had offered to help, but Levi had shot him down "Mmm. Ok. Let me sit up, and where's Titan?" "He was in your room. He wasn't happy I stripped our bed down" "Titan!" "You're supposed to be eating" "I'm still eating. I'm just worried about my fur baby" There was the soft but solid thud of Titan's paws as he came running, leaping up to settle on the sofa, then immediately trying to get to Eren's sandwich "You should have left him sleeping" "But then I couldn't have shared with him" "You're not sharing with him" Titan meowed at him, one large paw coming up to hover just short of Eren's plate. His big eyes stared up at him, silently begging "Leeevi. How am I supposed to say no now?" "I'll give him a tin of cat food. Just finish your sandwich" Titan was a cat who's love was easy to buy. The moment Levi cracked the top of the tin of cat food, the tom was racing off to the kitchen. Finishing his sandwich, Eren placed the plate down with a pout. He wanted Titan cuddles, and Levi cuddles. Now his boyfriend was hefting a box up onto the coffee table and Titan was too busy eating "I think this box is mostly clothes" He knew he said he'd be there for Levi as he did this, but now he was getting nervous. He was terrible at comforting Levi and making him feel better. He never knew if he was saying the right things or making it all a hundred times worse. Tipping the box onto its side, Levi joined him back on the sofa. Pulling off the tap over the top as it did and sending a whole bunch of things cascading onto the floor "Yeah... clothes..." All of Isabel and Farlan's clothes seemed to have been second hand. Isabel had tried to patch them the best she could. Digging to the bottom, Levi wrinkled his nose in clear disgust "There's nothing worth saving in here" "Are you sure?" "Don't get too close, the bottom layers are mouldy" "Can't you just wash them?" "Mould stains. Even if I did, it wouldn't be worth it. I should have gone through these sooner" His boyfriend sounded bitter, Eren whining softly as he placed his hand on his arm "I'm sorry" "No. No, it's my fault. I don't even know how the mould got in. Something must have been wet. It's my fault" "It's not your fault..." Levi huffed, brushing him off as he rose and moved the box next to the door. The next four boxes were mostly clothes, but they were used to wrap more interesting things. Small photo frames, tea cups, plates, glass figures and chipped Christmas ornaments were carefully unwrapped. Eren couldn't help himself as he collected each photo frame carefully. Levi sighing heavily as he leaned over to explain where they were in each of them. Seeing Isabel's bright smile and Farlan's faked scowl, his heart ached. Levi looked so young and happy with them. Like... genuinely happy. The smile on his lips completely unguarded, not a single wrinkle of grey hair to be seen... He knew his boyfriend was drop dead sexy, but fuck... He fell in love with him all over again, and desperately wished there'd been a way to meet Levi back then. The frames were carefully put aside. The mould had gotten in between the photo and glass in some of them, but apparently there was a way to get them restored. Levi wanted to bin the ornaments and figured, but Eren wasn't having it. Carefully saving them for storage at Hanji's, and the three badly hand painted baubles with Levi's, Isabel's and Farlan's name on them. They were definitely going on the tree this year. It The way Levi joked about how much Isabel loved the "shitty things" was all he needed to know. Levi wasn't quite ready to get rid of them, even if he said so. It didn't matter to him if once they were in storage never they saw them again, as long as they were safe for a day when Levi might want to. The box that really broke Levi was Isabel's books. Like everything else, it may have been second hand, but her books. They were something special. Crammed full of notes and slips of paper, the woman's passion clear. Levi's scent turned troubled, emotional pain infecting him through their bond "Levi" The book in Levi's hands started to shake due to his alpha starting to tremble "I bought her this book. Actually, I stole it for her. She'd worked so hard to save for it, but Farlan needed a fucking doctor and medication... Before you give me that look, we were back in high school. This was her first new book on birds. She'd stared at it for hours... and it wasn't like I didn't have the money. You do what you need to, you know. But they took one look at me and refused to serve me. I had the fucking money in my hand, but... they weren't having it. With Farlan being sick, it was the last straw. I waited until the clerk was busy, then I bolted. It was fucking worth it though. She was so happy. She read it over and over... Even at college, with all the new big and better books she could use, she still carried this one. Farlan would joke she loved her book more than him" Levi let out a shaky breath, running his fingers through his hair "Fuck. Sorry. I need a drink" "I'll get you one..." They still had a couple of boxes left to go through... but with how distressed Levi seemed to be, he wanted to do everything he could to calm his alpha and be there for him "No. It's ok. You stay here" Patting him on the knee, Levi took the book with him. The alpha first disappearing into their bedroom, then to the kitchen. Sitting back on the sofa, Levi had apparently drained his drink in the kitchen. His alpha looking at the neat pile of books with pained eyes. Climbing into Levi's lap, he wrapped his arms around his alpha. Nuzzling into his hair, in the hope of providing comfort "Eren... just... not now" Pushing him off, Eren was confused. He was only trying to make Levi feel better. He wasn't kissing him, or trying anything sexual. He simply wanted to comfort Levi. His omega was just as confused. Their mate was sad. He didn't like his mate being sad "I just wanted to hug you" "I think I want to finish this alone. Why don't you go to bed?" He wasn't tired... and he thought Levi wanted to do this together? Besides, barely talked about Farlan... he wanted to hear more about him "I don't mind..." "Sorry, Eren. I want to do this alone" "I..." "Go to bed..." He was trying to tell Levi he loved him, and if he changed his mind to just let him know... and now he being sent to bed like a kid. He knew it wasn't easy for Levi to talk to about Isabel and Farlan, but he'd opened up to him about his father... and about Zeke, and his mum. So why didn't Levi want to tell him anything? Didn't his alpha trust him? Eren didn't sleep well that night. He'd returned to their room, only to find he needed to pee. He didn't want to upset Levi by walking around the apartment, so tried to sleep it off. It didn't work. Creeping from their bedroom to the bathroom, he was just as "ninja" as he crept back. The bottle of scotch had made it from the kitchen to the coffee table, while Levi was patting Titan. The cat purring with his usual rumble. So Levi didn't mind Titan making a fuss over him... as long as it wasn't his pregnant mate. Feeling pathetically jealous of Titan, Eren returned to their bed. Levi hadn't even remade it... getting fresh sheets would mean leaving the room again, and he didn't want to do that. All he could do was grab one of his blankets from Levi's wardrobe and make sure he was completely covered by it. The cold plastic of the mattress protector sticking uncomfortable to his skin when he slipped his hand under his pillowcase free pillow.. which was covered with a gross feeling fabric protector. He was cold and uncomfortable, the pup spinning flips from the feel of it. Closing his eyes, it was hard not to feel like he didn't even belong in their apartment. Still just as cold as when he'd gone to bed, Eren crept out when things went silent. He'd managed to doze off at some point, waking up, Levi had been swearing. He'd been tempted to go help him, but several loud thuds followed, then some of the more colourful language he'd ever heard. Scared by his mate, he'd sunk from their bed to the floor, curling up in the corner of the room as he'd tried to hide under his blanket. Emerging to find the living room cleaned, Levi was passed out on the sofa with Titan on his chest. The bottle of scotch was empty, the lone item left out from the night before. Even the boxes to go down to the dumpsters were gone. Hurt over the fact Levi hadn't even bothered coming to bed, he'd been tempted to leave him sleeping without blanket. The apartment was fucking freezing, his toes growing numb... Fuck. He couldn't just leave Levi like this. Retrieving the blanket he'd used, he draped it over Levi and Titan, Titan giving him a glare, but not bothering to move. If Levi could go ahead and do things for the nursery without him, that must mean it's ok for him to do the same? After all, the nursery was the whole reason Levi was home. It sure as hell wasn't to spend time with him... No. No. He wasn't going to do this. Levi hadn't really done anything wrong. He'd just needed space to process everything. It wasn't like his alpha didn't give him all the space he needed... and then some... Dragging all the shopping from his room and into the nursery, that was the end of his will power. He didn't want to do any of this alone. He couldn't do anything anyway, they didn't have the furniture yet. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to go back to Levi's room and sleeping alone held no appeal... Things without Levi were boring... Wandering back to Levi, Titan had abandoned him. Levi had turned to his side, his leg hanging off the side of the sofa in a way that looked highly uncomfortable. His stomach might be slightly bigger than the photos on google, but he was sure he could lift Levi. He didn't want to leave him on the sofa. Dragging the coffee table back enough to make space, Levi was too out of it to know. His alpha even stank of scotch... lifting Levi, his alpha groaned at him "Let me sleep" "Shut up, or I'll drop you" Scowling up at him, he'd woken Levi... but he'd come too far to back out. He'd managed to even get him completely off the sofa... Fuck... Levi better appreciate this "Just put me down" "Not an option right now. You're going to bed you drunk" "Eren..." "Shut up. I'm mad at you. You didn't even make the bed. Do you know fucking cold it is?" "You're freezing" "And you're doing that things where you're talking and I don't want you to" Levi let a giggle. An actual fucking giggle. He wished he'd recorded, because there was no way anyone ever believe he had. Dumping him down on his bed, his boyfriend flipped him off before crawling under the covers and patting the space beside him "Get down here brat..." Climbing under the covers, Levi rolled and clung to him. Pulling him flush and nuzzling into his nape "Mmm. 'm sorry. I'm a jerk" "You are. You left me freezing" "Fuck..." Placing his cold hand on Eren's stomach, Eren gasped as he tried to escape, Levi's hold making it impossible "You arsehole" "Don't leave me. I don't want to be alone, again" The playfullyness of Levi's drunken state was gone, his alpha sounding so fucking lonely that Eren forgot he'd been trying to escape "I'm not leaving you" "Don't want to lose you, brat..." "You won't. I love you" Levi huffed, Eren copping a blast of scotch breath. He'd thought his alpha was going to say something else... only, Levi started to purr instead. Eren had no idea that alpha's could even purr. Fuck. He needed his phone. Not only a giggle but a purr... he needed Levi to get drunk more often.

[jrmwriting]

Our Exit

One of my first short stories written maybe five years ago, slightly edited. 2636 words.

“I remember a fall, and a pain in my hip… But I am confused.” This woman does not appear familiar to me but she is here and doing something to my arm, so I will say something.

“Where am I?” I ask.

“You are safe now, you’re in the hospital. You had a fall but you are getting better.”

A fall. That’s terrible. “Ohh, can I go home now?”

“You still aren’t well enough to go running about now are you, Joan?”

No, I guess not. I do have some pain, but whatever she did to my arm has made it go away. Oh, what a peaceful and delicious feeling. I let the freedom from pain and suffering wash over me.

The cake is huge. Her dress too. I walk into the lounge to see what the men are doing and find them all propping up the bar. Keith, Bill of course, all of the men.

I do wish Bill wouldn’t drink so much, his belly has gotten quite large now, but I guess there is no reason for him to care how he looks.  A woman should always try to take care of herself but it is different for men, and I am not exactly going to swan off with anyone at this age am I?

Let’s find David and… his new wife. Lovely she is, wish I could remember her name. I bump into Jill and chat for a while.

“Great to see you, Jill. How’re things at home?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. Too much work, not enough play. Mary’s gone to University now, so the house feels that bit emptier,” she said with sadness.

“Oh, empty nest. That’s a hard time for a mother. I remember being not myself when Marilyn and David left home. My advice to you is to just keep busy. You can get used to anything if you just keep busy. Join some clubs, learn a language, take up a hobby. I plan to start attending the cross-stitch class if you want to join me?”

Where is Marilyn anyway? Why is she not here?

A sharp feeling in my leg. I am being lifted.

I groan and ask “What is going on?”

Oh my, the stark clean white light of sunlight through cheap net curtains hurts my eyes, the light reflects off everything in the room. It’s all white: such a hard colour.

“We are taking you to a home where you will get better.”

Taking me home? Oh great. I can get the washing done.

“Where is Bill?”

“Sorry, who?” replied the voice of the man in more white.

Then I am down on a bed again, eyes closed. A sharp pain in the arm, followed by relief as all the sharp noises and piercing white light fade into soft pastel shades of early spring.

The garden looks pretty today. The washing blows in the wind with a long undulation; as if fanning the flowers that grow on the ground around it. The mass ejaculation of pollen floats down on the breeze to fill my nose with that quintessential aroma of summer.

That is Bill’s back, up in the top end of the garden, as he works away at those awfully hardy Redcurrant bushes. I shouldn’t let him strain his back as hard as that. Is that Bill? I thought... something… Oh, it must be him. “Bill! Do take care with your back, darling!” Where are the children? Turning around they come running by: Marilyn carrying that filthy bear and David trying to take it from her – his favourite game. I remember something. Is that David? I remember David being older. No, that can’t be David. David got married. Are these his children? I am not sure, but I remember going to the wedding. Such a wonderful day.

There are some people in my own home! In my bedroom! “Get out!” I thrash and I hit one around the jaw, leaving some blood on my hand. That did something! These bastards won’t take me away from my home! I fight hard, my body responds slowly and inaccurately but I fight with all my life kicking and screaming and thrashing at the faces that stand over me.

“Please try not to struggle Joan, we are only trying to help.”

“No, I don’t want your help. Bastards! Help! Help!” I scream for help but I cannot see Bill coming to help, nor anyone else for that matter. Is that Marilyn? What do these lying bastards want with me?

A prick in my arm. I lose all power and start to feel extremely tired. I am so angry, my mind is furious but my body won’t respond. Such a frustrating feeling: helplessness. I need help. Where are my family, and what is wrong with me?

Oh, someone is here to visit me. I recognise you…

“Hello Nann.” Oh it’s Jake. Is it? I am not sure…

“Oh hello.” my response is minimal; it is all I can seem to produce.

“How are you?”

“Oh, I’m okay. How about you?”

“I’m alright Nann. I’m working in London now, working near Liverpool Street. Didn’t you live in the East End when you were younger?”

Did I? “Oh, yes, with Charlie and Archie, oh yes.” Charlie and Archie, where are they? I must be mixing things up. Charlie and Archie are the same age as Jake, who is Jake then? He calls me ‘Nann’, so my grandson. Could be Jake, but I think I have a lot of grandchildren. Who are Charlie and Archie then, brothers? “Where are Charlie and Archie?”

“Nann… Charlie and Archie died when you were young, don’t you remember? They were run over on their bicycles, both of them.”

“Oh yes…” Oh… That’s true. I know that’s true. How could I forget that? “…both of them, at different times, such an awful coincidence. Be careful when you are riding your bicycle now, won’t you?”

“How are you doing in here then Nann? Are they treating you well, the nurses?”

Nurses? I look around and find that whitewash is all around me, starched and clinical. Then I see that there are other people here. None of them should be here; each and every one a brown or blue blot on an unnatural landscape.

I can smell stale unwashed clothes. And disinfectant that struggles to hold back the after-taste of ammonia. I feel sick and close my eyes.

“Okay, Mum!” I yelp with glee. I am always pleased to go to the Market for Mum. She gives me a really huge list of different things to get and it’s my job to haggle for the best price. The house is buzzing with life. Dad is at work but Mum is cleaning up, she is in her tabard so we all know that she is busy and that we are to keep out of the way. The Jack-Russell doesn’t know that though, so it’s funny to see him running about under Mum’s feet, attacking the mop while she tries to work. Its chaos, but I like it. I check my hair in the new Bakelite mirror. I’ve seen some spectacles that I would like in the same style but they might be too expensive for us. I look fine.

Leaving the side door there is a small footpath down the side of the house to where the wooden gate stood crooked, made with old pieces of uneven wood. The thing is a real relic, but Dad was proud of it and wouldn’t have it when anyone told him it looked silly. There is very little space in the street and only every eight houses get the luxury of a side gate. The gate opens to a path leading down to a small back garden containing a smaller area of grass which, in our case, is mostly covered in dog dirt with a tiny shed at the end that adults have to stoop down to get into.

I leave the path and turn left towards the high road. There are always lots of children in the street and Archie and Charlie are some of the only boys lucky enough to have bicycles. I carry on skipping up the road toward the high road where I will turn right, cross the road and continue until I see the market entrance on the same side of the road as me. I don’t think Mum would let me do the shopping if there were lots of roads to cross, but luckily there is only one.

Before I get there, a motorcar drives quickly down the road and into a boy who is sent flying into the air. I turn around and see him fall in slow motion like a sycamore seed. Everyone runs over and crowds the boy as the car continues down the road, at even higher speed now. To hit a young boy and drive off: how terrible! Running over to the group I clear a way through the children to find that it is Archie, my own brother!

Archie’s arm lies twisted in 4 places making a jagged pattern pointing to the gnarled bicycle that will no longer be any use. An adult who had seen the accident came out and, feeling for a pulse, found none.

“It’s such a bloody con that she is kept in here, with all these other people, food around her mouth, a wet sandwich floating in a glass of water. I mean, look, how can they say that this place is giving her all the care she needs? Look around at the people, at how they sit here staring at this television, if they even see that it’s there. Some of them are clearly a problem and need to be here, but not my Mum! She just sits there; good as gold. Why won’t the social services let us take her out, why? Twenty-four hour care they say!” I awoke to a frustrated and teary-eyed tirade from my daughter.

“I know Mum, I know. It’s an absolute crime. Bureaucracy is just shit. That’s what’s so frustrating I guess, you are fighting the system that is in place. But don’t let it get to you too.” I think that’s Jake, what are they talking about?

“But it does get to me!” and she broke out in tears again.

“Oh now, don’t be upset Lynn, don’t be upset. What’s the matter?” I try to help out but I really don’t know what they are so upset about. “It’s going to be okay, Dad will get the car and we can go to the park. We will take the dogs.”

“For God’s sake Mum, Dad is dead, the dogs are dead, we can’t go to the park any more. Everyone has gone except for you, oh, why is your body still here? Your mind isn’t!”

I burst out in tears. “I don’t know what’s going on don’t take it out on me!” Oh God, what is happening? My mind flashes in and out of dreadful terror and depression.

“Sorry Mum, I didn’t mean to take it out on you. Sorry… I love you, I didn’t mean that. It’s just, we want to take you home to look after you, but now we have put you in this home we can’t take you back out just like that.”

Home? What are they talking about? I look around and see that I am not at home. What is this strange place?

“Archie! I just remembered, Archie was run over, I don’t think he’s going to be okay.”

“Nann, what do you mean? We were just talking about Archie and Charlie earlier, can you remember?” Jake spoke again, he has a point. Why am I talking about Archie and Charlie now?

“Oh sorry, I must have been dreaming again.”

“Nann… I don’t want to worry you, but when you close your eyes do you see things?”

“I see things all the time Jake, what do you mean?”

“I mean, do the things you see make sense?”

“Oh, not really. I’m very confused.”

“Do your impressions come kind of randomly, or do they come like they used to: one after the other?”

“… Erm, I think they are, I only know what’s happening at any one time, but… that’s the problem, they don’t seem to go together. It’s all very confusing. Things don’t make sense like they used to. I need to get out of here…”

“I think you are right Nann, and we want to take you home, but you will have to be patient.” Jake then turned to Marilyn. “See, they just pump her with drugs in here that make her head all stuffy and she can hallucinate all day long, for all the doctors care. As long as they fulfil their grand Hippocratic Oath! At least, I guess it’s better than knowing where she is…”

It’s so nice just sitting in the garden watching Bill. He is such a diligent worker when it comes to his garden. Years ago we might have been painting Brighton red on summer holiday, but that feels like such a long time ago now. Too tired for any of that, but nor do I want to really. Strange how the things you like to do change as you get older. I sip my tea and the dog runs up to Bill and frightens him going through his legs. Such a funny little dog: short legs, fat belly, cross between a Jack-Russell and something. Love that dog. Love that man.

Oh, there’s Marilyn. What’s going on?

“We are going to take you home Mum, would you like that?”

“Oh yes, has Dad got the car?”

“Mum,” she stops short. “No, I’m going to take you home to my house for a while and you can stay with us.”

“Oh that will be nice, won’t it?” I ask, not really knowing where I am going from or to. Where does Marilyn live now?

Another woman comes into the room and looks accusingly at Marilyn, who responded to her glance with words shed from behind gritted teeth: “We are taking Mum out of here. You can inform social services or whoever you like.”

“I warn you that we will have to call the Police,” the stranger said.

Marilyn picks up some bags as she turns away and someone else takes my chair from behind and starts wheeling me out of this big house. Who are all those old people sitting over there? Where is Bill? Why would they call the Police?

“Oh would you answer that. My legs aren’t what they used to be.” I ask Marilyn because I don’t want her to see me struggle to the phone in the hall, and besides, she can get to it much easier than me.

It goes quiet for a minute. I can’t hear who it is on the phone…

Marilyn enters the room after a few minutes on the phone not saying much.

“What?” I ask.

She breaks into tears and a kind of hysterical bubbling of words. Words come up out of somewhere but in no kind of order; as if any words that attempted to combine themselves into a sentence were obliterated by the awful sadness that was escaping, without audible expression, through her eyes. I cry but I don’t know what the matter is.

The tears stop for one moment, her face drops into a saggy expression as if all the muscles lost the will to move.

“It’s Jake. He’s been hit by a bus,” escapes from her lips.

Then the hands return to their position before the spoken word, reuniting her face with the desperate anguish that comes from knowing that there is nothing you can do to bring back what once was.

[oddree13]

Small Business Saturday, Chapter 7: The Morning After

Chapter 7:  The Morning After

(Read on AO3)

The next morning Bucky hoped that Steve had been rather drunk and delirious with grief to forget the conversation they’d had before falling asleep in the same bed. Mainly he hoped that Steve would forget the kiss.

James Barnes would never admit that the first night Steve stayed over was his first night without a nightmare, and would instead point to the alcohol and the odd night of sleep he’d tried to get anyways.

Waking up was a feat as Steve hadn't wanted to get up, but Bucky shoved him until he at least told him where his keys were so Bucky could get him something to wear that wasn't a suit.

Bundling up in his hoodie, Bucky stepped out the back door and walked down the steps that let out at the side of the store. Crossing the street, he let himself into SHIELD, and going to what he assumed was Steve’s room and rummaged around until he found something for his hungover friend to wear.

As he exited the shop and locked the door, he turned around and was face to face with Natasha.

“Care to explain to me why you seem to be breaking into our shop only to steal some clothing and boxers that would be too small for you,” she asked, tilting her head.

“They’re for Steve. He only has his suit and he isn’t going out in my pajamas that he slept in, so I came to get him something to change into,” he explained, which made the redhead cock her brow and grin.

“You mean to tell me the right now Steve Rogers is in your apartment, in your clothing, where he spent the night, presumably after getting hammered?”

Bucky just nodded but soon realized how it sounded. “Wait! Nothing happened. He was just sad, so I watched him. Never touched him. Just got him to sleep and vent is all!”

“Did he do either of those things?”

“Yeah. He slept and talked a bit. Also yelled at me, but I assume that’s just his charming personality. But I’m going to take him to breakfast at the Nest in about an hour if you want to meet us there,” he offered.

“Sounds good. I was just coming to check on things and leave a sign on the door. I cancelled all of Steve’s appointments for the next couple of days so he can take some personal time - which he’ll hate me for but see if I care.”

“I think it’s a good idea for a day or two, but coming from someone who uses work as a coping mechanism, you can’t take it away for too long or he’ll be lost.”

Simply nodding, Natasha walked to the door and tacked up the sign. “I’ll see you at breakfast. Thanks for taking care of him. I think he needed someone who was removed from the situation and could just let him be,” she sighed, and headed down the street to the cafe.

Walking back, Bucky quietly entered his apartment to still find Steve sprawled in his bed. He couldn’t help but smile at the sight. It had been a long time since he had anyone in his bed, and while it wasn’t because of sex, it was just nice imagery to dwell on.

Deciding to leave Steve asleep for a little bit longer, Bucky made his way into the shower and freshened up. Looking himself over in the mirror he figured he could go another day or two without shaving, since he was still getting used to a razor blade so close to his face.

Laying out a clean set of towels, Bucky walked back into his room with just a towel around his waist and tried again to wake up Steve.

“Rogers,” he whispered, shoving the blonde a bit, “set out a towel for you in the bathroom and got you a change of clothes. Rinse off and let’s go get food in you,” he reminded him, and went about changing, not caring too much about privacy since barrack life takes that away from you rather quickly.

Rolling over to finally move his head from under the pillow, Steve propped himself up on his elbows and caught a glimpse of his hosts bare bottom as he slid up his boxers. “I guess modesty goes out the window during basic?” he laughed, having appreciated the sight.

“Yeah, not enough time to worry about that,” he chortled.

“Right well I’ll just shower and then we’ll go?” he asked as he grabbed his clothing from the edge of the bed. “Thanks, by the way. For the clothes and for the company.”

“Don’t mention it. It was a rough day and you needed some companionable silence.”

"And something to drink," he scoffed, swinging his legs to the side of the bed, and suddenly feeling the thud in his temples more prominently. "Do you have an aspirin or something you can leave out for me?" he groaned.

"Sure thing. That and a tall glass of water. By the way, I ran into Natasha downstairs. She'll be meeting us for breakfast. She's a bit worried but happy to hear that you were able to vent a bit last night," he added, walking out of the room and leaving Steve alone to freshen up.

***

Steve didn’t want to think about breakfast. It wasn’t because his stomach wouldn’t keep it down, its more that he didn’t want to have to deal with people who would pity or coddle him. Yes, his mother died, but he was an adult and he wanted to grieve in his own way.

Standing under the spray, he leaned his head against the wall and hated himself momentarily for drinking so much. He tried to remember that night before and caught pieces. Him arriving, sitting in silence, throwing money at Bucky’s table, falling asleep, waking up with an asthma attack, yelling, and then...kissing? No that couldn’t be right. James didn’t seem like the kind of man who would take advantage of a drunk person, but when he closed his eyes again, Steve realized he was the kind of person that with a lot of liquid courage did some very bold things.

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. He chuckled, until his sides hurt, and he lifted a hand to his side to trace over the word “breathe” he has tattooed there, and then remembered why he was here in the first place. He quieted and turned the spray off, toweling himself off and changing into the clothes Bucky had left for him.

Coming out of the bathroom he found the aspirin and water waiting there for him. The man who owned this apartment was far too kind, and Steve needed to figure out a way to repay him. But he’d have to think of that another time.

***

As Steve was in the shower, Bucky cleaned up the mess from last night and tidied up in general so that in a bit when Steve walked out he was ready to go.

“Did you see the aspirin?”

“Yes, thank you. And thank you for getting the clothes and for everything you did.”

“It was nothing. Don’t fuss over it,” he smiled, trying to shrug it off. “Besides you won’t be thanking me once Natasha gets to you,” he laughed, and led Steve out the side, so he wouldn’t have to walk through the flower shop and get sneezy.

Going down the street, it was certainly a brisk morning and it woke both men up. Luckily the Nest wasn’t too far down the road and soon they were inside, sitting in a booth, and being served coffee without needing to ask for it.

“It’s all on the house today,” Katie began to say with a kind smile and was soon met by protests from Steve. “Rogers, shut up for once and take it,” she retorted curtly and walked off.

“You don’t do favors I gather?” Bucky asked, sipping at the dark, warm liquid.

“I give them. I don’t take them. And if I do, they are repaid. With interest,” Steve declared firmly.

“Any reason why?”

“I don’t need people’s pity or charity,” he murmured, not looking at the brunette.

“And what if they aren’t doing it from pity or charity? What if they are just helping you because they’re your friend and they care about you? I mean, I’m not expecting any repayment for last night, and I hope you don’t think that you owe me,” he pointed out, and seeing the tightening around Steve’s eyes and mouth, gaped.

“You seriously were going to do something weren’t you?” Bucky said in an accusatory tone. “Steve, your mother died. I’m not holding it over your head as some favor you owe me. I was just doing what any normal person would do for a friend.”

“Do you often let friends sleep in your bed with you?” Steve shot back, hating this conversation, and going on the defensive.

Bucky looked at him part stunned and part embarrassed. “You wouldn’t let me sleep on the couch, and you needed to sleep. So no, I don’t often share my bed with my friends but I had to get you to rest,” he explained.

“You could have just let me go home,” he pointed out.

“You were in no state to go home Steve. Yeah you live across the street, but you were drunk and depressed. I wouldn’t be a good person if I let you wander off like that.”

“I wouldn’t have wandered off!” he growled, feeling his hackles rise. “I’m not some kid you have to take care of James. And I know you don’t look at me like a kid from what happened last night.”

Bucky hadn’t been punched in the gut in a long time but the feeling was same whether it was a physical or verbal jab. “I apologize for whatever impression I gave you last night,” he swallowed, his voice lowering. “It wasn’t right of me to say what I did, and I should have left and moved to the couch when you...well when that happened,” he continued, feeling like some pervert for making a simple comment.

Standing up, he began to excuse himself but couldn’t look at Steve. “I am sorry if I gave you the impression that my intentions were anything but friendly. And I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable,” he coughed, clearing his throat. “Enjoy your breakfast and I’ll text Natasha to pick your things up later,” he said, and grabbed his bag.

“Where are you going?” Steve asked, looking up at Bucky who was suddenly standing quite rigid, eyes forward, that for the first time he could really see the soldier in him. As he listened he realized suddenly that he might have been too defensive and implied something about Bucky when all he was trying to do was get him to stop asking questions.

“I have to open the shop. Teddy has deliveries to make and I need to let him inside,” he said, as an excuse, plausible though shaky.

“And you weren’t going to do this before?” he asked, with a raised eyebrow.

“Steve, just enjoy your breakfast and company with your friends. I need to go,” he said and didn’t stay to hear Steve’s protests.

On the way out he passed Natasha, who was saying hello, but she was another person he didn’t stop to listen to.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 51 - tiny update

Eren's had spent a week in hospital, his omega then returning fully over the next two weeks. It was a roller coaster for both of them. Eren still struggling to control emotions. Some days and nights were better than others. Some days Eren couldn't even get out bed, thanks to being exhausted by his nightmares or the inability to get comfortable. Then some days, he couldn't get out of bed without being reduced into a panicking mess over the smallest of things. Like Levi closing a drawer too hard... he'd taken his bad shift out on the cutlery drawer, causing Eren to bolted into the bathroom. He'd stayed there for the better part of three hours before calming down enough to come back out. Then there were the sudden bouts of anger that seemed to well up from nothing at all... He'd bought eggs without thinking about it, eggs still seemingly taboo in the apartment. Eren had lost hit shit over it, throwing each and every single one of the dozen at him with angry screams. If it'd been anyone other than Eren, he would have been pissed. Handling the situation like a mature adult, he'd laughed. He couldn't help it. Eren had run out of curses after the forth egg, just defaulting to calling him a "constipated arsehole", before getting flustered at himself over it all. It'd been adorable. His boyfriend might be ridiculously tall, but he was, as Hanji would describe, an "anger muffin". Impossible to actually be mad at due to the fact he was completely adorable. At 22 weeks, his boyfriend was a force to be reckoned with. His affectionate side had come back, Levi enjoying every second of it. Eren would have dinner or breakfast ready, and a bath waiting for him. His omega seemed to be prefer baths to showers, and didn't want to bathe alone. It only dissolved into sex half the time... He couldn't keep his hands off his mates stomach, pathetically in love with the swell and the future it meant. He was acting completely foolish, almost unlike himself. His protective instincts were only growing stronger, each time he left work, he forced Eren to lock the door properly behind him. It was the only way he could make through his shifts. That and when Eren was awake, they'd message back and forth all day. His omega choosing to throw himself into working through the books Levi had ordered for him. His drive to learn so great, that Levi had been thinking about asking Eren if he'd like to enrol in some online classes, or at least find a way for his boyfriend to get his high school equivalency. With how determined Eren was, he was sure he could manage it, especially with only 18 weeks being left until the due date of their pup. It all seemed like it was approaching too fast. Like if he blinked, he'd miss it, and he didn't want to miss a single thing in both Eren's and their child's life. With things finally looking better, Levi was finally able to bring the nursery issue up with Eren. His boyfriend had plenty of ideas, which surprised him. He'd thought Eren spent his time alone at home napping, cleaning or working on his studies. He hadn't even considered the fact that Eren might sneak into the spare room to take measurements, and compile a basic list of what he wanted via screen shots. All of it was perfect... Almost too perfect... yet quite unlike him, he didn't find himself dwelling on all the "what ifs" of the situation. Labour was dangerous. It'd never been a safer time to be having children, yet 830 women died a day due to pregnancy and complications. Males at an even higher risk as their bodies didn't stretch the way a female did. He knew if the fluid situation didn't happen to level out, that Eren would most likely require a c-section, and he knew Eren would automatically blame himself for it all. Finally getting two days off in a row, Levi had hit cloud nine. He'd spent the morning having lazy sex and snuggles with Eren. Their bed a complete mess by the time the two of the had crawled out of it. This had been followed by a quick hard fuck with Eren bent over the bathroom counter. Then had come showering with, and carefully cleaning out his blissed out omega. Eren coming with a whimper as he did. He'd wanted nothing more than to curl up with Eren on the sofa, and binge on a bunch of bad movies, but they were going shopping for nursery and baby things. His "suppressed" alpha constantly reminding him of the fact, as it wanted to show how good it was at providing for their child. There was also the fact that Eren wanted his hair cut, after trying to cut it himself in the bathroom, and the fact that nearly nothing of the omega's fitted over his swollen stomach anymore. Personally, Levi didn't give two shits if Eren wanted to walk around shirt free, or just in his bra. His lover's body was beautiful, and his developing breasts were perfect for holding onto when he mounted him from behind. He was lucky Eren felt the same way. He'd succeeded in making Eren come in his pants, by toying with his nipples while making out on the sofa. Eren's white dress was the only thing that properly covered his bump. Coupled with a pair of yoga pants and one of Levi's hoodies, his omega really didn't want to wear shoes. There was no way he was letting his boyfriend walk around bared foot getting all sorts of nasty germs all over them. His firm attitude led to Eren crying, but allowing Levi to put shoes on him... while leaving Levi feeling like a bit of an arse. Eren had enough problems as it was. His depression wasn't something magically cured by the return of his omega, it'd just helped to take the edge off. They still had plenty to talk about. For instance, the fact Eren thought himself a murderer, but that was barely remembered once they'd started being physical again. Heading to the closest shopping centre, Eren clung to him adorably... even if it was from anxiety. With his heartburn making breakfast nearly impossible, Levi was determined to do as much as he could for Eren. He'd gotten him to drink some milk, so his stomach wasn't completely empty. Not that it counted as breakfast in his eyes. He'd just have to trust that Eren would let him know when he was hungry. Walking into the department store, Levi snagged a trolley "Now. Anything you like, anything at all, you can get" "Mmm... I know. I, uh... talked to Marco and Hanji a little" "You've been talking to Marco?" "I thought I told you that Hanji brought him to see me. He apologised for being a bad friend... he came and saw me again, without Hanji and we talked a little... it's not like how it used to be, but he's... yeah. It's better" Levi wasn't sure if he liked Eren hanging around Marco again. Not when Jean was such a fucking arsehole. Jean getting into Eren's head, would be... no. Marco had to prove himself to Eren first, then maybe he would be allowed to visit... sans Jean. He might just tear that fucker's throat out if he had the chance "Ok. As long as you're ok with it, then I'll... be ok with it" "Don't worry. I'm not rushing to have them over. Don't give me that look. Your expression said it all" "I might just kill Jean if I see him" Eren swayed, before shaking his head. Fuck. He should have picked his words better. Taking a deep breath, Eren brought himself back under control "You can't do that. Marco's pregnant again" "Again? Haven't they heard of condoms?" "He smelt like it" "How old's Mina now?" "Uh... I think she was born in... November? No. We went on holiday in November. I can't remember, but like 10ish months? It's halfway through September... She looks so much like Marco" "Lucky girl. I wouldn't curse my worst enemy with Jean's looks" Eren giggled "That's harsh. I want our pup to look like you" "I know... but I've seen your baby photos, and I've seen you grow. I would be the luckiest alpha in the world if our pup looked like you" Eren blushed "Aren't you already the luckiest alpha in the world? My throbbing arse says you are" Eren's comment went straight to his dick. It was hard to believe he could still get hard enough how many times he and Eren had indulged in each other's bodies. Clearing his throat, his voice was slightly husky as he replied "Listen here, brat. If you keep that up, the nursery is never going to be done" 22 weeks may be too soon to start preparing the nursery, but it had now been months since he'd suggested it. He wanted to give Eren the chance to change his mind if he wanted, and wanted to give them enough time that they wouldn't be rushing to put everything together. What he'd read online said it was common for omega's to even nest in there when close to their due date. This was their first child. He didn't want to fuck up. That's why he'd chosen to go shopping before cleaning out the room. They could spent today and tomorrow making sure every purchase was just right "I'm just saying..." "And I'm just saying that I love you" "You love me enough to ruin my arse?" "And your breasts, and your mouth..." Eren playfully punched him on the shoulder "It's not my fault everything you do feels... good" "I know this pregnancy hasn't been easy, but... you've really opened up over being intimate" "I still can't... on my own. But with you, I want it. Only with you" "Does it bother you when I touch myself?" Eren's blush deepened "It... it's hot" He hadn't been aiming for a reply, but Eren's mumble was cute "I'm just teasing you" "You're an arsehole, old man" "Yeah. Anyway, baby shopping?" "Shopping for our pup. Not quite baby shopping. I think one is going to be hard enough" "Alright, brat. Point taken" "Good. If you behave, I might be persuaded to give you a treat" "I don't know if I can behave" "Then no treat for you. Come on, I want to get all the soft stuff first. I want to make sure it's all washed and sorted" Eren bopped him on the nose with the tip of his pointer finger. His warm scent rolling over Levi like the fresh rains of a storm, barely a note of anxiety to it. He was so fucking proud of him, even if he was a little shit. Walking a few steps ahead, Eren didn't realise Levi was still rooted to the spot, momentarily stripped of basic functions as rush of love filled his gut with warmth. Why the fuck hadn't he just proposed? Eren knew exactly what he wanted, that was one of the joys of actually going shopping with him. Though pregnant, he wanted to just get in, get everything they'd settled on, and get out... Then they hit the baby clothes. Getting Eren more maternity clothes had been easy. Soft and comfortable yoga pants and stretch belted jeans, couples with a few long sleeved shirts and bras that converted to nursing bras. Baby clothes sent his omega into while different kind of panic. Eren had picked up a soft fleece onesie and broken down. He wasn't crying, but his scent was definitely troubled and everything he picked up, he placed back "Eren, what's wrong?" Placing his hand on his stomach, Eren turned to him. His bright eyes filled with pain "Do you think I deserve to keep this baby?" "What do you mean?" "I... I don't know if I deserve this baby anymore... Levi... what do I do?" "You tell me what's going on, and we figure this out together" "I... my dad... he did something... It was horrible, Levi" Reaching out, Levi took Eren by the arm, gently pulling him close "You're not your father" "He... he took babies from omegas. How many omega's lost their pups because of him... 10 years... hundreds of omegas, Levi. And then he just dies. He dies. He... How do I live with that?" Hushing Eren softly, Levi nuzzled his neck "You live by loving our pup with everything you have" "Why? Why should I get to keep my pup, when they didn't?" "Because you weren't the one to take their pups away. That sin. That sin is a stain on your father, not you" "The sins of the father are inherited by the son" "That's a load of shit. I don't even know my fucking father and I, sure as hell, am not going to start cleaning up his shit. You're not him" "But Levi..." "No. This pup. This pup is ours. You're allowed to want this and to be happy. What he's done, it's not ok. And I will tell you as many times as you need, you will be an amazing mother. You're allowed to be happy and to love this pup" "I feel so guilty. Looking at all this. It's like... they never got to do this with their babies" "That's because the world is shit. They treat omega's like shit and walk all over them to make themselves feel better. It's not fair. To them or to you. I love you, and when you're ready to tell me more, I will listen" Grisha could go choke on a bag of dicks... or maybe a sack of balls, seeing he obviously didn't have a set. What kind of fucked up shit had the man done? And why the fuck... No. he just had no words for him "I don't want to remember, but how do I forget?" "I don't know. I love you, ok?" "I love you too, Levi. I... think maybe we... I don't know..." "We can go home, if you want? Or we can get a few more things. Or we can get the furniture? Whatever you want to do" "Can we do furniture? This is just..." "You don't have to explain. I understand" "I really... I don't even know what I'm saying now" "You're saying how much you love me, and how we're going to order way too much food when we get home. You're going to take a bath, and..." "How do you do that?" "Do what?" "Love me, so easily. No matter what I say" "It's your arse. I... love your arse. I was born gay, just to be with your arse. I'm not giving that arse up to anyone" Eren sighed at him, nuzzling and kissing his hair as Eren's hand found his "Why am I bonded to you?" "Because you love me" "Oh... I forgot about that" "Shitty brat. Eren, thank you. For trusting me enough to tell me" "It seems like I'm pretty much stuck with you, not matter what I do" "You're only just working that out?" "I didn't go to school, remember?" "As long as it's not my fault that it's taken this long" "No... no, you. You're my strength. I love you"