#she always seems to write what i'm thinking

[haveihitanerve]

The tags for this were too good not to write something-

Smallville had seen it's share of oddities. They had raised an alien for christ's sake! (Not that anyone besides the Kents knew that) But the fact remained that, at the end of the day, the people of Smallville had seen their fair share of mysterious occurrences, strange happenings, and darn right mystical things. Absolutely none of it prepared them for the day of Clark Kent's funeral.

"Such a shame," Mary Kellins was murmuring, dabbing at her eyes with a small tissue. "Clark, he was such a good boy. Always helped me out." Her husband hummed his agreement, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"It's too bad we're all he's got, though." Susan whispered quietly, aside, to Maggie. Maggie thumped her friend in the side with her elbow, shooting a disapproving look. "What?" Susan whispered furiously, rubbing at the bruise. "We were all thinking it."

They glanced around together at the small gathering of Smallville folk who had come to pay their last respects to Clark Kent and his poor mother, who didn't deserve to outlive both husband and son.

The quiet crunching of gravel drew their attention to the back of the cemetery, where a sleek black car pulled up. "Who caused trouble?" Maggie muttered, as the people parted, pulling away from the grave to peer at the car.

The doors opened and a man and woman stepped out, clad in nice, long black overcoats, with the sharpest, most flawless features the townfolk had ever seen.

They had attractive people in their little village, sure. They'd married them hadn't they? However, there was just something so... otherworldly about the two newcomers that made them take another step back.

To everyone's immense surprise, instead of demanding something from Carl, who was huddled in the corner discreetly shoving whatever he had in his hands into his pockets and stuffing his coat into a bush nearby(even though it was freezing) the two strode straight for Mama Kent.

"Excuse me," The man murmured, brushing past Susan as he made his way forward, the woman right on his heels. She barely even glanced at them.

Harold moved to stop them, because while the two seemed terrifyingly attractive and powerful(I mean, you can't be hot and weak right??) they weren't going to let these two disrespect Martha Kent, not at her sons funeral.

But Martha stepped forward before he could do anything, and embraced both in a swift, tight hug. "Thank you so much for coming." She whispered, a single tear streaking down her cheek. Which was odd. Martha hadn't shed a single tear since the funeral had started. But now she did?

"Of course." The man answered, immediately, arms steadying her, blue eyes intense and sharp as he looked at her, not through.

"We wouldn't have missed it for the world." The woman agreed, with a lilting accent that even Ronald, by far their most traveled occupant, couldn't place, and a small smile passed across all three of their lips, like they were in on some secret the people of Smallville weren't privy too.

"I know he would have appreciated it." Martha whispered heavily, eyes drifting sorrowfully to the grave. The man squeezed her hand, tucking her against his side.

"The other's would have been here," The man continued quietly, staring at the grave, a faraway look in his eyes. "But they couldn't make it. We figured," He glanced at the woman, hesitating. "We figured two was better than none. We're sorry the others couldn't come."

"Och." Martha scoffed, patting his arm. "Don't insult me boy. I'm sure they made every effort to be here. I'm just so glad you could manage the time."

"Of course." The woman agreed, vehement. "There is never too little time to mourn a friend."

Martha hummed her agreement and after a few more moments of quiet companionship, the man stepped away, allowing her another peaceful moment of silent, individual grief. He and the woman stepped back, withdrawing to the back of the cemetery, almost disappearing without even attempting to.

"Who do you think they are?" Maggie hissed, ogling them from behind the safety of her friend's body. "Clark's city coworkers?"

"More than coworkers." Susan murmured back, watching as the woman murmured something, making the man's lips twitch in the barest hints of a smile before both turned somber again. "Coworkers don't go to your funeral."

"What about the 'others' they mentioned?" Katherine interjected, having joined them. "It's gotta be a group of them." The three women looked at each other, then glanced over at the two strangers, who seemed to be in a whispered debate about something or other, before the man tugged out his phone, fingers flying.

"Poly couple." Mary Kellins hissed as she walked past with her husband. The three younger woman stared after her, mouths dropped open.

"I mean..." Kathy murmured, watching as Martha thanked them all for coming, then leaned against the man as he helped shepherd her to the car, where the woman already sat at the wheel. "They're hot."

Susan thumped her in the side. "Where are they taking Martha?" Maggie whispered, watching as the tires crunched as they pulled away, only to have her question answered as they promptly pulled into the Kent farmhouse drive a few yards away.

"Having your sons polyamorous fuck buddies over after his death is just morbid." Susan muttered.

Maggie rolled her eyes, this time thumping her in the side. "Who said they were fuck buddies? They might have a genuine relationship outside of just physical."

Katherine rolled her eyes. "Please. I mean, I said that they were hot, but hot people aren't in genuine relationships. I say friends with benefits."

"You're all horrible." Carl muttered, and the three girls almost screamed. "They're just good friends. Haven't you seen them on the news together?"

Katherine arched a brow, leaning around Susan to sneer at him. "Oh yeah? And which News Channel are you watching?"

Carl stared at them blankly. "The News Network." Now the three girls did scream, but with laughter.

"Right," Maggie wheezed sarcastically. "Because that guy was Batman, and Clark," She gasped for breath, leaning against Susan for support. "Clark is Superman." Katherine was on the ground, barely able to form coherent sentences.

Carl's eyes were serious. "No." He disagreed, sounding offended. "That man is Superman. Clark was obviously Green Lantern."

Back at the Kent farm, Martha Kent was nearing heart failure via laughing, as Diana and Bruce clung to each other, their ribs aching from laughing.

"Hal-" Diana gasped, reaching for the table to have some stability. "Is going to have a field day."

"Oh don't tell him!" Bruce whined, resting his head between his knees to catch his breath. "We'll never hear the end of it!"

Martha chuckled, finally regaining her composure. "See?" Bruce said with a smile, pressing a kiss to her hand. "I told you it was smart to slip that recording device into that girls pocket."

Martha rolled her eyes, but they twinkled. "Oh you," She sighed, leaning against Diana. "I am so pleased you came for a visit. This is just what I needed."

The two heroes eyes softened, and they leaned closer to the older woman, taking her hands in theirs. "Of course," Bruce murmured. "We needed this too."

Martha sighed, letting her eyes drift closed. "Clark would have liked this, I think." Diana met Bruce's gaze over the mothers head. His eyes were unbelievably sad.

"Yes." The goddess agreed quietly, brushing a hand down Martha's gray hair. "Yes I think he would have."

Bruce and Diana standing off in the distance at Clark’s funeral in BVS looking cunty as fuck with their long black wool coats and sharp jawlines talking to each other dramatically must have been TOO MUCH for the small-town gossip mill, I’m telling you.

[eddtherippr]

in case you write for shauna……i have a thought hmm

okok so basically she actually ends up going to brown and meets reader there - who’s practically jackie taylor reincarnated!! like very outgoing, similar style, kinda snarky but also very nice, you get the drift

they end up dating and sharing an apartment and living their cute life but our girl shauna is STRUGGLING

maybe maybe she even has r meet tai or smth and tai calls her the fuck out for it

i just wonder what thoughts you have about it

OH THIS IS WILDDDD i love shauna being crazy as hell... shauna getting out and having to go to boring-ass college because what the fuck else is she gonna do, and meeting alternate universe jackie taylor... fuck

HELP ALSO MY BAD MINORS DNI I SAID SOME FREAKY SHIT IN THIS

shauna hates college. really hates college. it's funny how the one thing she wanted more than anything before the plane crash almost feels like a punishment now. she was a queen, and now she has to write essays? what a bunch of bullshit

she meets you in ENGL 100D. matters of romance. go figure

well, she doesn't meet you, exactly. not until she's over her period of staring at you like she wants you to explode

because you're just. like. her. down to the mannerisms. the laugh. the stupid bunny rabbit twitch of your nose. the snark. even the slightest gesture of your hand reminds her of jackie and it makes her want to crawl out of her own skin

you're convinced she hates you, because what the fuck?? why is this scary brunette death glaring me in our poetry seminar??? send help?? but she's just half yearning half resenting and fullyyyyy unchecked and mentally ill

you get paired for a reading. the lais of marie de france, bisclavret. story about a werewolf and his lover. doesn't matter to shauna- because firstly she thinks you're typical popular girl ditzy and secondly she doesn't want to talk to you

but then fuck, you bounce up to her with a notebook and bunch of glittery gel pens, talking about how excited you are to work with her, and she can't keep holding a grudge against you for just sort of being her dead best friend come back from the grave to haunt her

so she works with you. and okay maybe she stares at you sort of awestruck as you read bisclavret like you're genuinely invested... waxing on in a dramatic voice trying to make her laugh

until you get to That Part

"It's true, more than all the world I love you. You should hide nothing from me, nor ever doubt I'm loyal in any affair. That would not seem like true friendship."

and fuck you remind her so much of jackie it makes her SICK ethel cain style

but also she's shauna. she can't help herself. girl's got zero impulse control. so she asks if you'd like to start hanging out more than just for school because that's such a great idea

and apparently, the one difference you and jackie have? you can actually admit you're gay

because "hanging out" turns to making out turns to you and shauna getting an apartment together a short drive away from uni so you can still make it to your morning classes

shauna feels actually deranged for it. doesn't stop obviously. just writes in her fuckass journal. countless entries about how you look just like her. talk just like her. are just like her.

it always comes back to that first assignment you got paired for— because bisclavret is a tragedy. the lady swore she would love the werewolf but when she found out what he really was, she ran away in fright and wouldn't see him anymore

which, fucking mood for shauna. so things start to spiral

she's obsessive. always trying to protect you, never letting you leave by yourself, and AB SO FUCKING LUTELY never letting you be cold. if you even slightly shiver she whips off her jacket and every other layer and bundles you up until you look like a penguin

she sees you as a second chance, but also as a bitter reminder

you call her "shipman" once and it sparks the only real fight you've ever had— like screaming yelling lashing out fight

you cry obviously because what the fuck shauna???

shauna also cries. apologizes and kisses it all better (doesn't admit that she kinda likes kissing it better.. that's freak for thought)

doesn't usually slip up— but just once she mumbles 'jax' during sex

you don't hear it and thank fucking god for that because imagine trying to explain it

she takes you to meet tai eventually because tai is the only one who's consistently kept contact with her and is still one of her best friends

and boy does tai clock that shit IMMEDIATELY. the first word out of your mouth is "hiya" and she just looks at shauna like 'what the actual fuck.'

"You can't be serious." Shauna's jaw ticks. She crosses her arms, looks anywhere but Tai's face— which is currently stone-set like the world's most disappointed, judgemental statue. She opens her mouth. Closes it. Tai practically balks. "Shauna," she says. Then, with the continued silent treatment from the typically ever-mouthy, ever-opinionated Shipman— "Shauna!" "Fuck, just— it's not like that, Tai," Shauna hisses, trying to be quiet, lest you hear their spat from where you've gone to the bathroom. "Then what's it like?" Tai prods, poking more holes in an already sinking, flimsy defense. "Because it looks like pretty fucked up to me." "I love her," Shauna replies, like it's that easy. It isn't. Tai's lips pull taut as a bowstring. "No, you're obsessed with her because she's practically a carbon fucking copy, Shauna—" She doesn't get to finish her argument, because the flush of the toilet and the door creaking, signaling your return, silence her. Good. Shauna figures she'll need the bathroom soon anyways. She doesn't think her lunch will stay down for much longer.

it's safe to say shauna doesn't take you around tai much after that. tai is always silently judging though

my bad i yapped a whole lot for this one BUT THIS IDEA IS SO INTERESTING... I LOVE IT

[luciaintheskyainthi]

Hey I was re-reading ECM and I noticed how awesome your the writing style was and wanted to know if you'd be willing to share how you write like that?

(I've got exams and have to really work on my english lmao)

Thank-you very much! I'm glad you've enjoyed my writing so much!

(I want to preface any notes here by saying I started seriously writing when I was 12 and I am now... not that. So I have almost 20 years of writing under my belt)

I've actually done a post about writing that gives a few pointers so I won't re-hash those points, but will add a few extras about crafting 💖💖

I know I said I wouldn't re-hash things, but this point always bears merit in saying: the first thing you write is the worst thing you write. It's called a first draft for a reason and you shouldn't be precious about it. That means don't go stressing about getting your phrasing perfect. Rewriting your draft can do wonders (and that doesn't mean you have to completely change things on the rewrite!), especially if you're not a confident writer.

Vary the start of your sentences. It's a very easy habit to fall into (I still do it all the dang time); you write sentence after sentence starting the the subject ('It was...'; 'Peter did...'; 'She saw...' etc). It makes your writing feel repetitive. We fall into patterns in our writing and forcing yourself to think about how you can change up the way your sentences begin within a paragraph is an invaluable challenge. Consider your paragraphs too: when I'm on my first edit, I pay close attention to how they start to ensure they don't all begin the same way. That doesn't mean every sentence has to start differently, but keeping things mixed up adds variety.

Avoid info-dumping. Exposition (where you give relevant background information) is a useful feature but it slows the pace of your story significantly. What I see a lot of fanfic writers do is freeze time (quite often at the very start of the story) to give us 500+ words of information that could have been drip fed over the chapter (or several chapters). I'm absolutely not saying I'm innocent of this - I do it all the time, including the opening to ECM! - but something that I find can help is to a) make it interesting by setting up a mystery that the exposition doesn't answer, b) intersperse exposition with description to keep up the pace or c) try to make your exposition feel as authentic as possible to your narrator.

Be decisive: avoid phrases like 'seemed to' and 'felt like' etc. Instead of, "She seemed to glow with happiness' make it 'She glowed with happiness'. Simple changes like this just make you seem more sure of yourself as a writer because you're committing to the image. Again, this kind of indefinite phrasing is an easy habit to fall into but it's a very easy fix! Very often, the sentence will still make perfect sense if you simply delete these phrases (although sometimes it will need a few minor tweaks).

Metaphors, not similes. Honestly this is just a continuation of the previous rule! Rather than, 'It looked like an ocean of silver', 'An ocean of silver swelled before them' is much more interesting and committed to the bit! Again, that's not to say you can't use similes at all! They're great, but you should ask yourself if a metaphor would be better.

Don't be afraid to extend your metaphors. Extended metaphors are such fun. Consider my earlier example : 'An ocean of silver swelled before them'. If I was to extend this, I'd think about other images associated with the ocean. Waves, tides, sea creatures, the scent and sound of the water. And since I've compared it to silver, I'd also consider things that are semantically connected: gold, copper, jewels like emeralds, sapphires, pearls etc. Then I'd start crafting additional clauses/sentences to build upon that original metaphor.

Brush up on a wider range of writer methods. Honestly, teaching English helped me out a bunch here, but here are a few of my faves: polysyndeton: this is where you list with the same coordinating conjunctions (and, but, so, for etc) rather than commas. If you look at my writing you'd see I do this all the damn time. Anaphora: in the typical form I use it, it's where the start of successive clauses begin with the same opening word/phrase (think like MLK's 'I have a dream speech). Best used in a group of three in my experience. Again I use this all the time. The opposite of this (where successive clauses end in the same word/phrase) is called epistrophe. Oxymoron: a fun one. It's a paradoxical phrase (e.g. burning cold, loving hate etc) Hyperbole: an over-exaggeration (e.g. It's boiling hot. I walked a million miles to get here!). Very fun to use with an unreliable narrator or you want to get across just how unbearable/significant something is (but the key here is that it's got to be obvious you're over-exaggerating!) Synaesthesia: where you mix different senses together (e.g. The lights sang in harmony; the room smelled cold).

Planning does wonders for your story structure. For the longest time I was a 'pantster' and would just throw myself in writing on vibes only, but now I find that knowing where I want to take my story makes it much easier to place critical themes and the much loved foreshadowing.

I hope at least some of these can be helpful to you! These are methods that have helped me over the years, but the beauty of writing is of course that all of us over time develop our own 'voice'! Just because I say these are things I do doesn't mean that's what everyone has to do!

Good luck on your exams too!! 💖

[everythinandanything]

Okay, I have something of a theory about why a lot of rock bands now have large female fanbases. It's a little rough, but here goes nothing-

So, a lot of older rock fans will tell female rock fans that they only like these bands because they think the members are hot. I call bullshit for two reasons:

1. Oh yes, THAT's why fans listen to their music. To listen to the singer's eyebrows.

2. If that was the case, then why didn't the hair metal bands of the 80's have large female fanbases (I know that rock didn't start in the 80's, but that's when the rockstar archetype was brought into public perception, so I'm going with it)? They also had male artists in them, that many people found attractive.

Rock has been a male dominated genre basically since its inception, but the fandom demographics have changed in the last 25ish years to having large female fandoms. Because of that, I think it's major BS to say that female fans only like certain bands because they think the members are attractive. If that was the case, then rock bands having female fans wouldn't be a new development.

What HAS changed, though, is the material that these bands write about.

Compare Motley Crue's Girls, Girls, Girls to Blind Channel's Die Another Day:

"Girls, girls, girls Long legs and burgundy lips Girls, girls, girls Dancin' down on Sunset Strip Girls, girls, girls Red lips, fingertips"

vs.

"This world is gonna fuck you up It's gonna get dark and it seems too tough You don't don't wanna carry on I know all about giving up 'Cause lately I've been looking hard Where is my love? Where is my luck? Where is my faith? My reason to die another day"

Or let's look at Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard and Savior 2 by Black Veil Brides:

"Pour some sugar on me Ooh, in the name of love Pour some sugar on me C'mon, fire me up Pour your sugar on me I can't get enough"

and

"So I'm trying my hardest to be what you made Like a court jester, my smile won't fade Giving it all, rising to fall to my grave Answer the call, living in thrall, you're the one born to save"

Finally, examine the lyrics between Nothin' but A Good Time by Poison and The Light Behind Your Eyes by My Chemical Romance:

"Don't need nothin' but a good time How can I resist? Ain't lookin' for nothin' but a good time And it don't get better than this"

vs.

"If I could be with you tonight I would sing you to sleep Never let them take the light behind your eyes One day I’ll lose this fight As we fade in the dark Just remember you will always burn as bright"

I think you can get the picture. While a lot of older bands were singing about things that guys could relate to more easily, a LOT of modern rock artists are using the medium to work through their own mental health issues, fears, insecurities, and more "emotional" subjects that women and girls can relate to more easily. PLEASE NOTE that not for a second am I trying to say that men and boys don't also struggle with these emotional issues. The fact that the modern songs I'm pointing to are all sung by AMAB artists should prove otherwise. But in a world where toxic masculinity prevents men and boys from working through or even acknowledging their own mental health and emotional struggles, it's women and girls that are going to try and work through their mental health and relate to material that discusses these things.

Female fans aren't getting more into rock music because they think the artists are hot. What they are responding to is the material in the songs. If a young girl/woman is going through mental health struggles, a common way to try and get those feelings out is through the music she listens to. And rock bands just happen to be, more and more, writing about these themes of insecurity, fear, and mental illness.

I like what Joel said here, about sexism. Like. What’s wrong with being liked by teenage girls?

[nikamuhlsrealwife777]

WHEN SHE SMILES - A.H.

WARNING : mention of knives...almost stabbing...yeah...

of and language!

anways...enjoyyy. If you want more, this is the first chapter of a book i'm writing on Wattpad. Go follow me on there, I have like 20 something (all unfinished as of rn) books. Nika Muhl, Paige Bueckers, Juju Watkins, Kk Arnold, Avery Howell...and maybe a couple more I can't think of rn.

but yeah...

The bustling setting wasn't new for Phoebe. She enjoyed the feeling of being in big, crowded places. It was a way for her to disguise herself. Her dark brown hair, large hazel eyes, and tall frame always molded her into the crowd. She wasn't eye catching with what she wore, her eyes were never meeting another's gaze, her smile never showing to anyone she felt didn't deserve it.

In this day in age, no one did.

Or at least that's what she told herself. People nowadays only ever saw things for themselves, not on how an action could effect others. How everything could easily come crashing down with one wrong move, one wrong word, one wrong anything.

Phoebe was a pessimist. She didn't fight that title; she wore it on her chest. In her mind, optimist just didn't see the world for what it truly was. They we're the most unhappy in the dreadful world we did live in.

But, Phoebe couldn't lie, a sports event was a place she could see herself being optimistic. It was different. The thrill of the game, the competitiveness, the work players put into their craft to fight for a win; it was something that made her happy.

Which, explains her reasoning behind working at the universities football concession stand. She could come to the games for free, make money, and people watch as fans cheered for the team they thought was the most deserving. She enjoyed her job, this being the second year she's done it. Football games, basketball, baseball; you name it, she's worked it.

"You think USC is gonna win?" Blue face paint, yellow glitter twinkled under the large lights of the field.

Phoebe nods, her eyes not meeting the man's. A smile never gracing her lips. "Of course I do."

She handed the man his Coke, his hand brushing against her's. He wasn't worth her time.

"Why doesn't a pretty girl like you smile?" Phoebe cringed at the words. A question she despised. The one that had her crawling under her skin. The one that made Phoebe wanna vomit her last meal on the men who let the words leave their mouth.

"I don't want too," a simple response, she was done with him. She wanted to get rid of his presence quickly.

"One smile," he leaned against the counter, his hand reaching for Phoebe's. She was just out of reach.

"I'm good."

"Oh come on," She could feel her skin tightening at the pain she felt as every word that left the man's mouth was sickening. "One smile and I'll leave."

"I said I'm good," Phoebe held her ground. She never backed down, she didn't like feeling weak.

"Oh, baby, co-"

"Alright dude," a woman's voice cut the gravely sounding man's voice. "There's a line."

The bun on the head, the USC colored sweats and USC basketball shirt; Juju Watkins had stepped in. Not saving the day, but getting rid of the annoying man in seconds.

The man lifted his hands in surrender, sending a wink in the quiet brunette's direction. A small 'talk to you later' mouthed as she refused to look at him.

The world seemed to come back into view, the small line had become longer within seconds. The women's basketball team being the first ones there.

"What can I get for you?" Her voice sweet, not fake. She'd had interactions with Juju before. The star being humble, put together, down to earth; not what she had expected from someone with her stardom.

"Just a water please," Phoebe nodded to her request. Grabbing a bottle, sitting it on the counter; deciding to herself that she wasn't gonna make her pay.

"Here you go," She saw Juju as genuine, allowing her eyes to meet hers. Juju held a soft smile on her face, one Phoebe couldn't quite match.

"How much?"

"On the house," Phoebe pulled out her wallet, pulling out the dollar bill before using it to pay for the drink.

"You didn't have to," Phoebe simply just shook her head, not allowing the girl to speak.

"I want to," she moved her head enough to look over her shoulder. "Next!"

The whole team had their own orders. Some got drinks and something small, others decided to order almost the whole stand. Phoebe didn't care. This was the thing she loved about this job; it kept her busy, out of her own mind. The mind that spiraled over the smallest things. The mind she would easily change with someone else if she could, no matter what was wrong with the next one.

"Hey," the voice was quiet, not a voice Phoebe had heard before. She looked up slowly from the small notepad in her hand.

"Can I just have a water please?" The blonde's voice was interesting to the quiet girl. She didn't know why, but she couldn't help but be drawn by it.

"Sure," she pulled one out of the small fridge, placing it on the counter. Just as she had the previous orders. "That's one dollar."

"Damn," the girl pulled out a five, handing it to her, "Juju's fame really get her all the free stuff around here?"

"That's not why I did it," her voice was monotone, making it hard for the other girl to pinpoint what button she had exactly pushed.

"Then why did you." The blonde asked too many questions.

"What's your name?" The question got a couple laughs from the blonde's teammates, Phoebe didn't care about that. She watched as the girl's eyebrows lifted, a surprised look in her eyes she could imagine.

"Avery. Most people call me the best player on the USC's women's basketball team," the smirk in her voice was evident, but Phoebe's eyes stayed glued to the small space between her eyebrows.

Something she learned look like she was making eye contact with someone, giving her a slight advantage in making someone uncomfortable if she wanted to.

"Never heard of you," she stuck her hand out, "one dollar please."

The team burst out in snorts and cackles. Phoebe biting back a laugh.

"Ouch!" Avery played along. Her hand coming up to cover her mouth, pretending to be fake hurt, "you can go a little easier on me, ya know."

"I don't know. Plus," she turned around, rolling her eyes at the blonde before her, "all I need to do right now is get you moving. There's a line behind you."

She watched as Avery's cheeks flushed, looking back quickly. The movement allowed Phoebe to take the girl in; her curly blonde hair thrown up in a high ponytail, the gray compression shirt tight against her torso, her deep red sweats hanging just low enough for the girls boxer to be seen.

Phoebe looked away. Trying to stop her face from showing the possible thoughts in her head.

The blonde's head turned back around, her eyes meet with a looking down brunette. The top of her head was all she could see. The hazel eyes gone.

"Sorry, I'll move," Phoebe just nodded. She didn't wanna look at the girl anymore, she didn't need to.

The team's laughter faded, the squad moving back to the stands to find their places. Phoebe spent her time checking out the next customers. The game ending as she suspected. USC for the win.

She people watched as the crowd flooded back to the parking lot. The sea of red, yellow, and blue mixed as the stadium cleared out. Phoebe stayed, quiet and gaining some control over her body. Her hands began moving, closing down the small shack.

"Oh pretty," the gravely voice made her jump. The roughness was something she hated about deeper voices.

She didn't respond.

"Ohhh prettyyy," she cringed, hearing him move closer to the shack. She moved faster, the knot in her stomach becoming unbearable.

She continued to work, trying to make things quicker, thinking of an escape plan; but she felt as her brain was fried. It wasn't capable for working under stress, under a time of need. She'd been telling herself for years she'd be able to.

Now her she was.

"Oh come, respond to me, beautiful," a click followed. She panicked. She didn't know what the noise came from, and she didn't wanna find out. So, she ran.

The cheap ass cologne of the man stung her nostrils, the smell wafted up her nose as he attempted to grab hold of her, "Don't run!"

She sprinted, hoping to run into the a group, a person, anyone. Phoebe picked up her pace, her lack of stamina catching up to her, just as the man was.

She felt doomed. She felt stupid. Phoebe lived a pessimistic life to save herself from disappointment. But here she was, losing this battle to a strange man that wanted to kill her.

She pushed harder, trying to make it to the crowd. But she didn't have it in her. She couldn't even call someone's name out, hoping for them to hear her and save her.

The man's body collide with hers, their bodies crashing to the ground. His weight crushing her, his hand holding the blade at her side.

"I told you not to run you little bitch!" His words cut deeper than his knife ever could. She fucked up. Not just in the moment, but what she called her life.

She didn't respond, too out of breath and no fight left in her.

"What are you gonna do now, huh, fucking bitch!' his hands shoveled through her hair, grasping it between his fingers, pulling it back. The sting brought tears to her eyes, the sharp blade resting just above her neck.

"Do something now, pretty. What ya gonna do, huh? You little bi-"

"Get the fuck off of her!" His body pushed off of her, her lungs catching some air as multiple pairs of hands worked their way into helping her up.

Juju; the first face Phoebe's eyes meet. Worry washed over the girl's eyes, Phoebe's held nothing.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you piece of shit!" That voice. That voice that has Phoebe drawn to it in ways she couldn't explain. That voice that belonged to the girl she couldn't stand yet couldn't look away from.

"Avery-"

"Shut up, Kiki! This piece of shit never deserves to see the light of day again!"

"Avery!" Juju's voice broke through the tension. Even Phoebe broke out of her trance to focus on the girl. "Calm the fuck down. Go call the cops. Ken, Domi; get her somewhere safe."

The two girls nodded, gently moving Phoebe to a secluded spot. Phoebe couldn't speak. She didn't think words knew how to describe the way she was thinking.

"Shit," Domi, a girl everyone knew. Either from her vlogs or her sportsmanship on the court, you knew her. Phoebe definitely knew her. "He cut you a little bit."

"Where?" The girl Phoebe assumed was Ken, another freshman she could predict. "Looks like a little scratch."

Domi turned towards the girl, rolling her eyes before meeting Phoebe. She wasn't worried about eye contact in the moment. It seemed so insignificant. It was. She needed to be worried about her, her life, where she was going. Not whether or not she should smile, whether or not she should make eye contact with somebody.

Sirens sounded, the cops quicker than Phoebe would have ever expected. The arrest was quick, the questions were not.

The repeating of her story, the reliving of the event that just took place. It was too much. She wanted to break down. She wanted to cry, something she hadn't done in the longest time.

"Well," the cop, who's name Phoebe would never be able to remember. "He's definitely going to be locked up for awhile."

"How long?" The blonde's voice snaked through the group, Phoebe's eyes falling on her. For the first time, Phoebe met Avery's eyes. The baby blues meeting her tragic hazels.

"It's hard to tell," he looked back to the car, red and blue lights flashed, "since this would be considered attempted murder, it might not be too long."

"Are you serious?" The harshness to her voice reminded Phoebe of his. The words coming out in a way that was deadly in itself.

"Yes. But due to the fact we did find drugs on him, and a faint smell of alcohol on his breath," his words didn't compute in her head, nothing was, "we can get him for a couple of other things to. Still not going to lock him up for life, but long enough."

Avery scoffed, Phoebe stood frozen.

"What about her?" Juju pointed towards the frozen girl. No one knew what to do with her.

"I would keep a watch on her. Traumatic events can cause a lot of problems. Just," he clicked his tounge, "make sure she's okay."

The team nodded. No one knew her personally, Juju being the one with a somewhat relationship.

"We'll keep you guys updated," he nods, "in the mean time, we're going to take him back to the station. Get the case started."

Then they were off. Phoebe stayed out of it. The team walking her to the dorms. The girl wouldn't speak, telling them where she lived. So, she got stuck staying in the teams dorm room.

"She'll share the room with me. I'm the only one with the open bed," Juju's voice quiet, an arm loosely around Phoebe's waist, guiding her through the building.

The team didn't fight it.

The two were in the room alone, night fallen quicker that day than others. The silence was loud, Phoebe liked it. It was better than the questions. The nonsense that seemed to roll off everyone's tongues. It was relaxing.

"If you need anything, let me know, okay?" The worried girl looked at Phoebe. Phoebe didn't look back. At least not until the girl had looked away, turning off the light, leaving them in darkness.

Phoebe didn't sleep, she couldn't.

[serensama]

A Word with Friends

Thank you @hedwigoprah for always remembering meeeeee - I'm gonna see how far I can take this Illarook "one-shot" with all these words before I have to change course completely! XD

For you to copy and paste: Rules: Use the challenge word to write a sentence or scene and then tag a few friends. Happy writing!

This week's word: Egregious

---

Lilya managed to make her way to his office by muscle memory alone, her mind too busy imagining what her Talon could have been doing to her… her… Illario. What he could have been doing to Illario.  They hadn’t put a label on what they were doing, both of them muttering to themselves and each other as they peeled off their leathers, that it was madness. Temporary. Fleeting. Madness. If they had just been anyone else in their Houses, it could have been forgotten. But he was Dellamorte by blood, and she was Viago’s prized blade- dalliances between them meant more than just sex- no, to outsiders, it would seem like each House was vying to steal from the other. Depending on the perceived slight, it could mean war between Houses and considering it was against the damn First Talon… it would be seen as the most egregious of slights.  She did not think to sit down, knowing the fury that raced through Viago’s veins, he would bark at her to get up anyway or perhaps kick the seat from under her. He’d never been unnecessarily cruel to her before, but she reasoned there was always a day to start- and potentially starting a Crow Civil war just because she wanted to get off was a decent reason as any for a Talon. Still, she did not have the heart to end whatever was brewing between her and Illario, could not bear the idea that he wouldn’t be waiting for her on the outskirts of Treviso, to be the first to welcome her home from a contract. Hated the thought that he’d be back to hitting the bars and Casino and bringing back anyone other than her to warm his bed. Crushed by the mere notion that he would be used to further his damned House instead of finding something more meaningful with-  The door opened, and Lilya stood straighter, her hands behind her back like a soldier. Tense and barely breathing, she heard Viago slowly make his way to his desk, his cane lightly clicking on the floor in time with his boots, his breathing haggard as if he had just run miles to get there instead of a flight of stairs. She licked her lips and took a deep breath, readying herself to apologise and bear the brunt of his rage, but instead she saw his expression imbued with something much, much worse. Disappointment.  Fuck.  

--- Soft tagging: @mythals-whore @soeasilyswayed @thedissonantverses @ofcrowsanddragons @pixiedurango @woundedsoul12 @hightowerqueen @cocoboots @rookamell @nyx-de-riva @trash-nerd @jenn2d2 @seaglassmelody

[maxdibert]

The problem with Lily's character is that we can't have it both ways. Either she's the most special girl ever, good at everything and beloved by everyone, or she's part of a vulnerable group who suffers discrimination in the magic world.

Even if she supposed to be seen as an "exception", or "one of the good muggleborns", we have to see it more clearly. But the way it is, she hardly had any struggles, especially if we compare it to what Severus went through. Because everything we see about Severus makes Lily's pain seem trivial in comparison. I'm sorry, I know it sounds bad, but there's no other way to say it.

JKR would have to do a much better job in writing if she wanted to convince me that Lily is the most vulnerable between the two. Either by making Lily's struggles more visible (so she's not seen as such a perfect character), or by making Severus more powerful in other ways. And to do that, the author would have to change everything about their dynamic.

What really falls apart for me is the whole SWM situation. Like, when I first read that scene in book five, I couldn’t bring myself to empathise with her. But then in book seven, when we learn what happened afterwards—and also everything that was going on in Severus’s background—I just thought, she’s a bloody idiot.

I mean, how do you grow up with someone, know they come from a horrible place, that they can’t even afford their own clothes, that their home life is a disaster, and that they’ve been harassed and physically assaulted for years by your future husband (!!!) and his mates—and still decide you’re not going to forgive him for one stupid slur? Sure, it was a bad word, no one’s denying that, but really?

And yeah, I was a teenager when I read that, and I’ve always had a very codependent relationship with my childhood friends—we still live near each other even after moving out, because we’re kind of dysfunctional if we don’t see each other. But still. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. Like okay, he called you a Mudblood—meanwhile he was being stripped publicly, humiliated—and you’re upset?

You’re the one who the richest, most popular guy in your house is chasing after. All the professors still fawn over you twenty years later. You’re mummy and daddy’s golden girl. So… where’s the struggle, Lily? You’re constantly described as beautiful, popular, well-liked. Seriously, what did she go through?

She doesn’t even give an example of being bullied herself—when she tries, she talks about Mary Macdonald, which kind of tells me that she never actually experienced it firsthand. So what’s her big tragedy? That she didn’t know how to use contraception and didn’t think to go to a Muggle clinic for the morning-after pill, and ended up dying because she and James were two reckless kids who had a baby in the middle of a war? Like, I’m sorry but… come on.

Meanwhile, Severus spent seven years being mistreated at school, constantly humiliated and brutalised by rich, untouchable boys. He was a half-blood (and let’s not forget, people like Bellatrix also saw half-bloods as filth), dirt poor, with a heartbreaking home life—and she’s the one I’m meant to feel sorry for? Yeah… no. That didn’t sit right with me when I was fifteen, and it sure as hell doesn’t now.

[timeslipcamp]

towa is a character that i didn't really look too closely at until i read an episode with him in it. he was funny and cute and honestly loved how they write him, LOVE a character with flaws. and then we get on that dock and he can speak and he asks if we believe in soulmates--

i was now smitten with towa.

but there's something else that's made me so interested in towa from the very beginning with the way his stigma seems to work so different from everyone else's, and it's been bugging me from the beginning.

i don't think towa is a ghoul

spoilers through episode 12

it sounds like a crack theory, i know. i'm aware. i said it to my friend and she replied, "then why would he be here?" and you know what? fair question! but we've seen plenty of anomalies so far, and a couple that are very human like. you know what else we've seen? a god that's lost its power.

now i'm not saying towa is a god. i'm also not not saying that. i'm just saying that ever since we first saw him, towa's been extremely different from the other ghouls.

this theory is all guesses. i don't have a lot of evidence other than vibes and screenshots. i guess that's how all of my theories are, but this one has even less evidence than the others given how little we know about the ghouls powers and pacts and how they affect a person when they make a pact.

my main arguments for towa not being a ghoul are his characteristics, his stigma, and his behaviors. parts of each of these set him completely apart from the other ghouls, enough so that it makes me suspicious that he's not actually a ghoul, but potentially some sort of spirit.

lesskettit

towa's characteristics set him apart enough alone. like, we could literally just have this theory based on his behavior and it'd be like yeah, he's weird, he's not like them. thankfully--or unthankfully if you don't want to read a 2k essay on him--i have more than just that. but allow me to take you back to the first jabberwock episode when we meet towa in person for the first time. the first things we see are him striking something with lightning and eating a dandelion. also!

interesting shape for his bubble wand to be in. unlike our ring (the sage's ring or whatever) this one does that the six pointed star often depicted in solomon's seal. it is, however, a shape that's used in multiple places with multiple meanings. but. still weird.

towa cannot speak in sunlight. his voicelines on the homescreen are only during the night, and in game, 9 times out of 10, he is only speaking to us when the sun has set. however, in the episode with the cat anomaly (funniest anomaly ever btw i was cackling every time that thing was on screen) he's able to speak when he's in the cat's shadow. this is the first time i considered it being linked to sunlight and not just time of day. however, to argue against my own point, when he was in the caves and zenji approached him, he couldn't speak. so maybe the writers just forgot it wasn't night when he spoke from under the cat. or, he just didn't want to talk to zenji. who knows.

another characteristic: his eyes. LOVE the fucking rectangular pupils. always a fun character choice. i think he's goat coded, but goat are not the only ones who can have rectangular pupils:

deer is another fun idea, considering all the flowers he's eating, and his eyes looked a LOT like the kraken's in the first jabberwock ep, but i'm still going with either deer or goat, and i'll get into that in a bit.

part number two! his stigma!

what the fuck is going on with his stigma!

maybe it's because i'm autistic but the rules for the stigmas were very clearly laid out for us early on: you received a stigma from the demon you made a pact with, it requires a trigger word to use, and we can enhance it with our super special ring.

towa follows literally none of these rules.

he's never had to say a trigger word before using his abilities (weather, controlling anomalies, jumping insane distances...), he seems to have more than one stigma if so (plus a weird consequence of losing speech in the sun) and he's never taken advantage of us making his powers stronger when we touch. disclaimer because it's necessary, the staff said they're still researching ghouls and they don't know everything yet, blah blah blah. STILL. it's mainly the stigma rules that made me think, "oh, these don't apply to him because he's not a ghoul." and ever since i stopped thinking of him as a ghoul, his place in the story has made a lot more sense.

lastly, his behaviors.

he's VERY into flowers. that doesn't make him any different, nor does him giving nicknames to the other ghouls make him different, but it's clear that the flowers have a very significant meaning to him--and they're also a very tasty snack. i love that the wiki points out that he can eat them "without digestive issues". like, hell yeah. no tummy problems. you go girl

the flower symbolism feels significant for the fact that i think it has something to do with what he actually is, and it's the flowers that are making me lean toward some sort of nature spirit. i'll add his nicknames for people into my flower meanings post for their warding cards to keep all the flower stuff together. or make a post on its own. either way. yum yum

another characteristic of his that strikes me as different is his attitude. i've seen people call it childish and black and white, and those are both very good ways to put it, but it still feels more...persistent? to me? like he has his opinions and how he thinks things should be done and he will not waver, whether it's his attitude towards ren or his ideas on how to gather up animals. it's not quite childish to me, but i do think this also plays into the fact that he's not a ghoul. while taiga also follows wild impulses and kaito can be incredibly stubborn, towa's feels different. all of the ghouls were people who were human before their pact, obviously lived lives, and now they're here on campus to help further the institute's research. (yet again begging for any info regarding how any of them made their pacts, PLEASE!) towa doesn't feel like he came from a background in society as we know it, at least.

(another crack theory i had was he was some sort of creature who made a pact and asked to become human. wouldn't that be crazy?)

towa's behaviors, especially given that this is a piece of media where werewolves are real and matches can make you forget things, give me the vibe that he was something who was plucked from where he was living a certain way and put into this new life and expected to adapt. haru seems to be the one helping him adapt, and towa looooves haru. that's his dude for sure. haven't quite figured out if it's in a romantic way or in a "he's mine" kind of possessive way, but i don't think that really matters to towa.

it might matter to haru, though. him making the joke about someone back home "getting jealous" was funny as hell.

so, with all of those facts constantly running around my head, i have come to the conclusion that i don't think towa is a ghoul. what he is, exactly, i'm not sure yet, but i have a couple ideas. the main problem is i don't know what all is like, an option. they could tell us he's a demon pretending to be a human in like three chapters and that would change like, 85% of my belief system around this game. so i'm making an educated guess and staying vague. always a good option to be vague.

given towa's nature symbolism, issues with sunlight, and general behaviors, i'm proposing that towa is some sort of nature spirit.

in greek mythology, one of the bigger nature gods (and there's several theories that this god carried over from some sumerian and even more ancient religions) was a god called pan. he was said to be father of the satyrs and also depicted rather goat-like himself in most of the medias he was depicted in. along with the satyrs, pan was god of the flock, nature, fertility, and the wild. a lot of his tales are a little graphic in nature. in the same vein tales of zeus are, so heads up if you look into them. his main representation in myths was the wildness of spirit and of nature and then, at the very end of the greeks rule over the west, it was said that pan is dead.

that itself is a super big topic of debate in history. supposedly, one person was calling to another that "pan is dead." that itself can be interpreted in a few different ways. one interpretation was that it meant the pantheon was dead: christianity had just hit its huge uptick in followers and the greek society was collapsing, so perhaps it meant the death of the pantheon and the rise of a monotheistic religion. the other popular interpretation, especially in fiction, was that pan is the only god who died/disappeared. the main reason for this is that the god of nature is dying/disappearing as humans begin to spread further into the world with their technology. we see this represented over and over in media (the kaijus in japanese stories like godzilla, ubtao in dungeons and dragons disappearing, the movie ferngully, etc). a popular interpretation of this story was in percy jackson, where we see many satyrs go on a lifelong quest to go find the god pan.

given how many other references we have to greek mythology, i think towa is going to be associated with pan. he's got the goat eyes (and is called goat-like by haru in a home screen line,) has capricious in his bio (constellation of capricorn (a goat), root word capro comes from goat with a Latin association of frisking or turning suddenly), is an aries (goat), has a weird control over animals and other anomalies, and is in LOVE with love. also, connected to the weird love tree only we can see.

another interesting tidbit to point out, we see towa in the caves pretty often. pan's altars were almost always found in caves and out in nature. also hold on

this is driving me insane what do these numbers mean towa. towa what do they mean.

this is the only one that seems vaguely relevant. there used to be ten houses and then three are now defunct. TOWA WHAT DO THESE NUMBERS MEAN WHAT ARE YOU KEEPING TRACK OF

anyways those are my main arguments for towa being a non-ghoul. like i said, i don't really think he's the god pan. most likely, he's a nature spirit who now looks like a human. also, i've gotten this weird feeling that towa may have initially been in dionysia. dionysus as a god also represented the wilder side of things as i said in my defunct houses post, and he was also associated with the satyrs. it was said (in myth) that the satyrs regularly participated in his wild feasts. soooooo possible connection? who knows

towa you vex me and plague me and i cannot stop thinking about what you are. mwah

asks and dms always open!

[jessiemeows]

Lost & Found

Chapter 5 - Beneath the Surface of his Charm

A/N - I really liked writing this chapter! I find myself enjoying writing from Astarion's POV quite a bit. I don't know if I said this, but you will see a mix of Astarion and Amaya's POV throughout the story :)) but hope you guys enjoy, the next chapter is going to be a touch of sickly sweet because I adore that lmaoooo. ALSO, should add, this Astarion is just a touch softer than in-game Act 1 Astarion. He will obviously be similar to his Act 1 self in many ways, but for the most part, with Amaya, he is softer to her overall lol. It's just how I've always seen Amaya and Astarion's dynamic <3 Don't worry, I plan on still having him be the little mean freak that we all love and know, but for the most part, I think and hope that I've shown him being a mean little freak quite well in previous chapters!

Pairing: F!Durge, OC (Amaya), Tiefling, Selunite Cleric X Spawn Astarion

Rating: 18+!!! mentions of blood if that makes you uncomfy, but this chapter is rather tame! I think I mentioned only one durge-esque thing.

WC: About 2900

Previous Chapters: Prologue | Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Story:

Honestly, the grove wasn't the worst place they could have ended up, but the longer Astarion remained watching Amaya's bleeding heart in action the more increasingly tiresome he felt. Every tiefling they encountered seemed more helpless than the last – it was a miracle they'd survived this long at all. He'd felt a glimmer of relief when she'd initially refused to help Zevlor, the tieflings supposed leader. They had far more problems amongst them than to get in the middle of grove politics. 

But he had to be on his best behavior, he bit his tongue and swallowed his groans of frustration, but gods how he wished he could beg their leader to just turn her tail away from these people and focus on anything like finding a healer before whatever was growing inside their heads turned them all into mindflayers. Still, he kept his peace, knowing Amaya could read his annoyance well enough without him voicing it, and she was growing increasingly frustrated with him for it. In his defense, whispering to knock out the human adventurer who had called her a 'foulblood' was more than reasonable. 

And now? To make matters worse or to at least make Astarion’s matters worse, the famous "Blade of Frontiers" had joined their merry band of misfits. Some monster hunter he was. To not only be infected with a tadpole but the man couldn’t even recognize a vampire standing before him. It would be funny if it weren’t so pathetic.

Though, what truly grated on his nerves was how this supposedly legendary ‘hero’ had fallen head over heels for their tiefling leader - mooning over her like some lovesick puppy. Almost everyone they’d encountered with seemed to gravitate and fawn over her….  He didn't quite understand why, but it irked him entirely.

But Astarion had his own plans. One simple plan, really, centered around their little tiefling leader herself. Amaya was surprisingly receptive to flirtation, and he intended to use that to his advantage; to flirt with her and to seduce her so she would never turn her back on him. She was quite the ally, after witnessing her raw power – the way she'd incinerated that bugbear with a mere touch of her sword, or how she'd destroyed an undead without so much as a gesture. And if Cazador ever came looking for him, he would definitely need her for protection. She was already melting under his attention; the way she'd leaned into his touch last night, how she'd blushed when he'd taken her hands... This might be his easiest mark yet. 

Yet something felt off. The lingering sensation whenever they touched – that burning tingle he'd never experienced before. When she'd healed him, he'd felt warmer than he had in two centuries, like being embraced by moonlight itself. It was... unsettling.

His thoughts scattered as Rolan's voice cut through the air. "I'm not responsible for every damn tiefling in the world!"

"He's got a point, you know," Astarion whispered to Amaya, earning a glare that could have frozen hellsfire.

"Just be responsible for yourself then. We have to stay; Rolan, they need us! Its the right thing to do." Lia, Rolan's sibling, shouted back not standing down.

Rolan threw up his hands in defeat. "Zurgan. Fine, we'll stay. It’ll make a good story I suppose but we're heading to Baldur's Gate as soon as possible!"

As Rolan’s siblings hurried off triumphantly, Amaya turned to the wizard tiefling, "Why such urgency to reach Baldur's Gate?"

"You're looking at the new apprentice of Lorroakan," Rolan announced proudly. "Yes, that Lorroakan."

"You say that like it should mean something to me. I haven’t a clue who that is."

"Lorrokan?" Gale jumped in, eyebrows raised. “From what I heard is that he is a bit of a cad back in Waterdeep but according to you he’s an accomplished wizard?

"Of course he is. As if I’d  settle for a lesser mentor. Few can match me - in either magic or talent," Rolan preened and puffed his chest out.

"Perhaps we should meet this wizard?" Gale suggested to Amaya. "Any wizard could be a valuable ally."

"We have more pressing matters, remember?" Amaya tapped at her temple pointedly.

"Well, you've already met a powerful wizard," Rolan said with a flourish. "In the years to come, you'll boast of this meeting – I can assure you. May we meet again in Baldur's Gate, my friend." He spun on his heels, following his siblings' path.

"You should have just let them go," Astarion muttered.

Amaya rolled her eyes at the elf, "They could help if the goblins attack."

"And how exactly is that our problem?" Astarion snapped. "As you so eloquently pointed out, we have our own issues. Finding a healer, perhaps?"

As the two squabbled Wyll and Shadowheart emerged from behind them.

"Bad news," Wyll announced. "Nettie, that healer I mentioned? She’s gone for a ten-day. And Halsin, the grove's leader who left with Aradin, hasn't returned. Though there is this older woman, Ethel, who said—"

"Who cares about this Halsin?" Lae'zel cut in. "We need to find this Zorru who is here in this very grove. Finding him and the nearest creche is our priority."

“Right,” Shadowheart drawled.  "So we find your creche, only to be slaughtered? Aren't we all your people's enemies? You included, with what grows inside you."

"There are protocols," Lae'zel insisted. "Like I said my people will help if I vouch for you."

"Enough," Amaya groaned, massaging her temples. "Lae'zel, we'll find Zorru soon enough. Wyll, please finish telling us about this Ethel before my headache gets any worse."

------

Sunset painted the camp in amber and gold, the air rich with the smell of Gale's cooking as he hunched over a bubbling pot, adding pinches of herbs and spices. From his perch outside his tent, Astarion pretended to read while watching Amaya flit from person to person like a restless butterfly discussing their next plans for the days ahead of them. 

They had finally found several promising leads that could potentially rid them of the damned worms.  Though Astarion hated to admit it, he would miss the little worm - it does let him have the advantage of walking freely in the sun.  Auntie Ethel claimed their "little friends" were dormant, though how the crone knew such things, Astarion hadn’t a clue. Their options were a mixed bag: the old woman's supposed cure at her teahouse, some goblin priestess they'd only learned about because Amaya had stopped a trigger-happy tiefling from killing it (though watching that would have been entertaining), finding this missing Halsin (and potentially dealing with hundreds of goblins), facing a creche of murderous githyanki, or simply waiting for someone named Nettie. Meeting the old woman at her teahouse seemed like the easiest option – no ten-day wait, no armies of goblins, and no homicidal githyanki.

A familiar laugh cut through his thoughts. Across the camp, Amaya was caught between Gale and Wyll, both men practically tripping over themselves to win her attention. Their flirtations had become embarrassingly even more obvious since arriving at the grove. Something hot and uncomfortable coiled in Astarion's chest at the sight. These strange feelings he’s been having had to be the tadpole's doing – the strange heart palpitations, the lurching in his stomach, the tingling sensation whenever he touched Amaya. There were no other explanations, though he had wondered why these feeling only occurred with the tiefling.

"You know, Astarion," Shadowheart's voice surprised him, "you could actually talk to her instead of brooding over here."

He snapped his book shut. "Me? Brooding? Darling, I couldn't care less about their little social hour. I'm perfectly content here with my reading." His lips curved into a practiced smile. "Unless you're proposing a more interesting diversion?"

"One, absolutely not. Two, I've never seen someone so pale turn quite so red while 'reading.’" 

Astarion rolled his eyes at the half-elf,"Sorry to disappoint, but your little observation hour of me while I read is over." He stood with exaggerated grace. "If you'll excuse me, I believe I'll take a walk." A snide giggle came from Shadowheart as he pushed past her, eliciting another eye roll from the vampire.

The evening summer air felt good against his skin - though he usually ran cold, today\s sun had been exceedingly hot. Funny how he’d forgotten that particular downside of daylight after spending two centuries in the shadows.

Astarion stalked through the forest,while irritation began prickling under his skin. Shadowheart's words echoed in his head: "brooding." He wasn't brooding. These were just more tadpole tricks, it just had to be. Surely the others felt it too, though they'd sooner face Lae'zel's blade than admit it.

Astarion shook his head as his thoughts turned to his plan for protection. Seducing and sleeping with one of his companions was the only way he could truly secure his safety - the sole method he knew or excelled at. Despite all of his well practiced lines, some of them weren’t too off on exactly how he felt towards the one companion he was actively seducing and using them on, Amaya. He was genuinely attracted to her; he found her irresistible, a pleasant change to his usual marks in the recent years. Toying and making her blush amused him, it was also pleasant to finally have someone share his peculiar sense of humor.

Astarion was almost certain Amaya was attracted to him, yet he could also sense her interest in Wyll. The idea of her affection for Wyll ignited something within Astarion again burning hot. He understood the appeal - Wyll was attractive, heroic, and charming, the very image of the man Astarion had dreamed of even marrying when he was younger.

In all honesty any of his fellow companions had a fair shot at the tiefling, she was quite alluring and seemed to make anyone melt before her, Lae’zel being the outlier. This seemed to be the only issue with his plan of seducing the leader. But if his pursuit of Amaya failed, Astarion had been considering seducing any of the others, their power could offer him just as much protection as their leader’s. His first pick would be Wyll, but if that didn't work out anyone else would do, though Gale would be his last option, for some reason, the wizard just irked him. But, in all honesty, he’d hope his plan worked on the tiefling as he’d rather keep Amaya all to himself than let the other’s have her.

Suddenly, a soft rustle in the nearby undergrowth caught Astarion's attention, and hunger stirred. Cautiously, he approached the bush with swift and soft movements, listening intently. As he drew closer, the rapid thump of a heartbeat guided him forward until a boar burst from the foliage, darting into the shadows. Astarion, however was much faster than the boar.

In one swift motion, his fangs found their mark with practiced ease savoring every swallow of the beast’s life essence like it was his last. The boar's blood wasn't exactly fine wine, but it beat the rats and bugs that Cazador would force him to feed on. Still, even as he drained the last drops, that gnawing emptiness remained. Would it be different, he wondered, with thinking prey? Cazador had never allowed it, but Cazador wasn't here now, was he? The tadpole might even shield him from his master's wrath. Something to consider, once he'd earned the others' trust. He then wiped any blood from his lips and then began to make the trek back to camp. 

When he returned to camp, he settled by his tent with his book, only to realize the others had turned in. All except Amaya. She sat cross-legged on the ground, with a prayer book to Selûne open in her lap. Candlelight danced across her features combined with moonlight shimmering in her dark curls that made his stomach feel a faint flutter as he looked at her.  His eyes then wandered and traced the mysterious markings on her skinn, it was in some language he didn't recognize. They then drifted to her new camp clothes – form-fitting leather pants and a green cropped top that highlighted a figure that was deceptively strong despite its delicate and soft appearance. The more he looked, the more beautiful she seemed.

She then caught him staring.

"Shit," he muttered, quickly dropping his gaze to his book. The words swam before his eyes, refusing to focus. "What in the hells is wrong with my eyes?"

"You feeling alright?" Her voice came much closer than expected.

He looked up to find her standing over him, concern written across her face. "Oh darling! Just lost in thought."

She settled beside him, those impossibly large eyes fixed on his face. "About what?"

“I was just thinking about the stars,” he lied smoothly “they are quite the sight. We never get to see them in such clarity back in Baldur’s Gate. It’s peaceful looking at them.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry Astarion, am I disturbing you? I’ll go and let you watch them-”

When she moved to leave, his hand shot out to catch hers. Her skin was warm, alive, sending familiar tingling sensations up his arm. "Wait! Don't go. I was… actually also reflecting about tomorrow, about all these possible cures. Will any of them work? Will this little adventure of ours end?" 

"It doesn't have to," she said softly. "We could still travel together."

"Good! I don’t want you to run off just yet. You're quite ally, after all. Traversing through Avernus. Surviving the crash. Surviving everything that’s followed... I'm not easily impressed by people , but you're stronger than I gave you credit for."

The summer breeze then swept her scent towards him - sweet and heady, like fresh-baked pastries from a popular bakery in the Wide. . But then a new aroma wafted in, a blend of metallic notes, dark chocolate, and cherries. It was the scent of her blood, for she had been anxiously picking at her cuticles raw once more. And Gods did she smell delicious.

"I'm just trying to survive, like you," she murmured, resting her chin on her knees as she gazed at the distant fire.

His eyes fixed on her throat, their was a steady pulse visible beneath her delicate skin, his hunger began to stir again. "Yes, we are more similar than I thought..."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

He forced his attention to her necklace – an iridescent moonstone hanging from a gold chain, alongside what appeared to be a broken harp charm. "I was just admiring your necklace. I don't recall seeing it before."

"Oh, this?" She touched it absently. "Found it in my pack. Thought it might trigger some memories."

"Has it?"

Her expression fell. "Only the bad ones seem to come back."

"That's a pity."

"Astarion?" She hesitated. "Since the nautiloid... have you experienced anything strange? Besides the casual mental exchange, of course. Everyone else seems normal, but I'm getting these thoughts – dark ones. When I try to ignore them, I feel sick, my head pounds, and this wound..." She trailed off.

"Like when you threatened to boil Auntie Ethel alive? Which was quite entertaining, by the way."

Astarion began to remember how pale Amaya looked when they had encountered Ethel, in fact, she looked sickly pale and uncomfortable a few times: when they first met, when Gale was trapped in that stone and a few moments after she had drawn a dagger to his throat the previous morning. He’d began to wonder if she was getting these “bad thoughts” during those times, the poor thing.

"Similar. Sometimes worse." Fear flickered across her face. "It feels... wrong."

"It seems you've been dealt a difficult hand," he said carefully. "Perhaps fighting these urges isn't the answer. No one should deny their true nature."

"What if I don't want this to be my nature? "It scares me."

"Then direct it somewhere useful. Those goblins won't kill themselves, after all."

"Maybe you're right," she managed a weak smile and she squeezed his hand. “Oh! One second, I’ll be right back!”

Amaya rushed over to her rent rummaging through her tent, and returned with her hands full, placing a long bow and a pair of gloves in front of him.

“What’s this?”

“I got this bow from that tielfing blacksmith, Dammon - thought you might like it better than your current one. And these pair of gloves… I found on one of the goblin horde leaders we fought earlier today. They reminded me your armor you were wearing. I washed them thoroughly - that’s why they’re still damp. They’re magical too, I think, though I can’t tellyou what they do exactly, so please tell me if you end up figuring it out. 

Astarion stared at the gifts as the tiefling rambled on, momentarily speechless he couldn’t remember the last time someone thought of him like this. Warmth began to spread all over his body when picked up the gloves and slipped one one.

“Do you like them?” Amaya looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear.

“I do, they are wonderful, darling, thank you for thinking of me.”

“It’s nothing,” she mumbled shyly, Astarion taking notice of her freckled cheeks flushing pink.

"I should try to sleep. Goodnight, Astarion." She squeezed his hand one final time before setting off to her tent.

As he watched her go, his fingers tingling as if touched by the radiant beams moonlight itself. 

A/N - Zurgan” most likely means “goddamnit” or something similar in infernal from what is implied in BG3

[afayebray]

I'm sure there's already a post about this but I am kind of psyched because this goes back to my theory I've had for awhile. Only I thought Emile (though we didn't know his name at the time) would be the head, potentially.

So, let's break down what each symbol is, what it could mean, and who they could be. If you disagree on any of these or have any ideas that I missed, please let me know!! (I'm definitely going to need to do/hear a voice comparison on a couple of the ones that spoke.)

1. Stylized eye--potentially visions/seer, have also seen it in relation to succubi in my reverse search, but the one I think is most likely is surveillance -- having eyes everywhere.

One of my other main theories of this season is that since Tomoe has been heavily implied to be the Quantic verse's Elon, she purchased or created Zoo and has someone helping her with surveilling and data mining the hell out of what the kids are posting. Tracking location settings would also explain why they almost always tend to show up/be near Marinette *or* someone who has posted about/been wronged by her.

With how much he's been in the episode, the amount of trouble he's caused, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if this is Vincent.

2. Bricks--obstacles, perseverance, conformity/loss of self, strength, "building" (as a verb), durability, security.

3. Quill--writing, creating, narrative, communication, etc. André Bourgeois? Could also be Bob.

4. Wheel--(wheel of) fortune, fate, progress, cycle of life, guidance. Never mind, I think this one is likely Bob Roth. With his obsession with fortune, desire for constant progress, and he's a manager/agent, so...guidance, supposedly.

5. Scepter--leader, ruler, sovereign--prior to finding out that they actually do exist and it's not just some theory that I've had, I assumed this would likely be Emil based on what we were told in "Representation".

6. Diamond--ol' Gabe ⚰️I want to update this to say that I absolutely love the backhandedness of having him be the Diamond. Someone that they saw as common, working class (coal) put under pressure and polished up to be something of value to them.

7. Wheat--known to symbolize the cycle of life and death, sacrifice, fertility, growth and renewal. // considering what we know of Nathalie, this seems fitting for her father/for what he expects her role to be.

8. Gear--we know this one is machine. Could also be used/translate as technology potentially. I didn't pay close enough attention to the voice at the time, but I can't imagine this is not Tomoe.

9. Theater masks--this one is pretty self-explanatory...the two extremes of the human psyche, showing the differing sides of emotions--both the "foolishness" of humans and darker ones like fear and sadness, I think. This is probably related to Cerise.

10. Sword--authority/nobility, honor/loyalty, protection/defense, truth/justice/righteousness, battle of good v. evil-- this particular sword is very reminiscent of Excalibur, I'm assuming this is Emil (or both GdVs) if the scepter is not him.

11. Fire--passion, transformation, destruction and renewal/cleansing, knowledge/enlightenment, revolution.

12. Molecule? (fairly certain this one is a molecule though I'm not 100%)--if I am correct, I'm assuming this one was Colt Fathom since he also had a tech company like Tomoe, but he was likely a military contractor based on his description in "Representation", creating bombs, missiles, etc. Basically, the Justin Hammer of Miraculous. I wouldn't be surprised if he had the monopoly on space flight prior to his death and Tsurugi only took over (including Claudie's trip) after the fact.

We have twelve of these and twelve Zodiac Miraculous, I'm assuming when Tomoe planned to improve them, and they had their "new world order"/cult with Adrien and Kagami as "world icons/idols" idea these were meant to take the place of the 12 Zodiacs. Thoughts?

Also, do we think that Mom #2 (the one that's high up at Style Queen and was in "Gabriel Agreste") is one? Or maybe Cerise took over for her? Do we think that anyone we saw in NY, Shanghai, etc. is part of it?

[admirationandromantics]

Guilt and Grudges, 2: Darkness

Another one out, hope you guys like it so far! I don't really know what to write on these intros anymore, since not much is happening. I'm getting ready for exams, I'm working, and I'm writing. That's about it. I almost forgot to post this chapter tonight because of it, lol. Anyways, enjoy! <3

I try not to breathe loudly, but this is intense. Was it always so hard to get to the top? We walk up a couple of stairs and take a turn. In front of us is a large dark figure, and I look up to meet Josh. 

“Hey man, what’s up?” 

He smiles, giving Sam a nudge on the shoulder to greet her. I see a faint blush on her cheek, but I can’t determine if it’s caused by him or the cold. 

“Not much, waiting for you of course” 

“Man, I feel like this mountain gets bigger every time I climb it” Chris exclims, a loud sigh forced out when talking another step. 

“Really? Feels the same to me” 

“Oh come on, you grew up here, it probably feels like it’s shrinking” 

“I guess that’s true” 

I interrupt them both, cold and tired, wanting to get to the lodge as fast as possible. 

“Hey Josh, nice to see you, BUT how about we keep moving?” 

“Well, can’t keep the ladies waiting, can we Cochise?” 

“We cannot” 

I meet Sam’s eyes, and she’s also tired, not as bad as me, but still. She grabs my hand and starts dragging me up as I whine. “Sam, I was joking, we can make some snow angels or something. Just lay down, romantically, looking up at the stars…” 

“It’s clouded” 

“That’s the only reason why we’re not doing it?” 

She laughs, and I pull myself together. It isn’t long now. Despite the cold weather, snow, wind, heavy bags and ice, I finally glimpse the dark pine planks of the lodge. 

“When are you gonna install some cell towers up here? I’m getting withdrawals already” Chris asks, and I hurry to the stairs, sitting down and relaxing. Sam stands over me, breathing heavily as well. Were we really that out of shape? 

“You got a spare million lying around, I’ll fix you right up” Josh empties his pockets, showing the lack. Chris starts fumbling around with his blue jacket, feeling himself up. I want to do that. 

“Funny you should say that, I think I left it in my other jacket” 

They start walking towards us, probably about to open the door. Finally. Josh scurries up the stairs, flickering with a couple of keys. Chris follows through, his hand brushing lightly against the hood of my jacket. Fucking hell. How am I supposed to survive this if every little touch makes me heat up like this? It’s fucking embarrasing. Luckily, no one seems to notice, not even Sam. 

“Yo, yo, yo, are we getting things moving up here or what?” 

“Yeah man” 

I lift my head to Sam, and we share a look. This “boy-talk” is already drilling a hole in my head. I think she hates it even more than I do, her eyes rolling so far back her head that I can’t see her irises. A smile finds its way to my lips. If Josh and her got together, she would smack him every time he said something weird, I just know it. And Josh’s reply? Definitely something like “yes ma’am” or “as you wish”. There’s no secret that he’s down bad for her. 

“Lead the way, Cochise” 

I hear them moving down the stairs, each thump vibrating through my body. 

“What’s going on?” I ask Sam, who’s looking up at them attentively, following every move. 

“Frozen lock, I think” 

They both get down, Josh continuing around the lodge. Chris, however, stops in front of me, mouth opening then closing, as if trying to say something. This leads to Sam taking a step back, giving me a thumbs up from behind him. I give a hard stare in reply. She can’t be that obvious around him. 

He’s smiling, that sweet smile that he always does when happy. I look up in awe, hoping to control my eyes a bit. He lifts his head, finally speaking. 

“So, how’re you doing?” 

“Hmm, good now. Surprised by how out of shape I’ve gotten” I laugh, a bit embarrassed by myself. Ugh, if he could just hoist me over his shoulders right now I would never speak ill of the guys again. And that’s a challenge. 

“Well, it is right after the exams. Are you freezing?” 

“Yeah a little” I think about the fire inside. Sitting in front of it, warming ourselves. There are other ways to do that too though. Jesus Christ I’m letting my mind wander again. “I think I could use some time curled up by the fire” I continue, looking at him intently. I can imagine the yellowly lights gracing his face, his skin. I almost feel disgusted by myself for being so forward about it, I really don’t mean to. 

His smile falls a bit, mouth still open as he takes a deep breath. I can see him swallow, and a sinking feeling embraces me. Oh no, I’ve been caught, he knows, and this is not the right time, not after everything that’s happened. I’m definitely stupid. 

“Yeah… that does sound pretty nice” 

His voice is different, breathy and serious. He keeps eye contact, holding intently as if trying to say something else, trying to get me to understand something. I don’t know what. 

“Christopher Hartley! I’ll have to call your mother and complain if you don’t get your ass here immediately!” Josh shouts from the other side. I give him a weak smile, arm raising in a small wave as he makes his way over. His absence is already noted on my body. I already miss him. 

Not seeing him in almost a year, to spend an eternity with going up the mountain, then just leaving? I’m being dramatic, I know that. But he feels like a drug, the small dose getting more and more wanting. My cravings are growing by the second. We left off at a terrible time, starting something that wouldn’t even make it an hour. And the circumstances make it even more difficult. How can we start up again without feeling guilty for the things that happened? Without being reminded by them. If we were downstairs, we could’ve stopped them. Or we could’ve reached Hannah or Beth. I wish we had. 

“I’ve seen a lot of foreplay in my days, but what the hell was that?” A familiar voice sounds beside me. I look up, meeting Matt and Ashley. 

“Way to greet me Matty” 

“I mean, come on. The tension is obviously there, do something about it” 

“Leave her alone Matt, they were both thinking about fucking each other by the fire” Ashley chimes in, a playful smirk on her lips. I look at the both of them, shocked by the incredibly rude greeting. 

“You haven’t even said hello” 

“I saw you four days ago” she defends, arms in the air and taking a step backwards. 

“I’m sorry, hello, anyways-” 

“Nope” I stop him, finger put up in the air. I stand up, walking to the other side of the lodge. No way I was gonna be teased this way. I mean, what if Chris suddenly opened the door behind us? That’d make for an awkward situation. I hear one last thing before I turn the corner. 

“She’s embarrassed we’re right” 

Assholes. I’m not that obvious, at least I try not to be. Ashley knows because I’ve told her, and so does Sam, who also told Josh last year. Now Matt also knows, though I don’t know how. I would’ve answered the same thing if someone else asked, maybe in a different tone, but still the same. 

“Alright, alright, I got it. Jeez” 

“You’ve got what?” I ask, surprising him from behind. He mumbles, cheeks getting flushed and not meeting my gaze. He looks everywhere but me. 

“He’s got a plan!” Josh shouts, hand waving, signalling for us to follow. I walk beside Chris, sensing his nervousness and wondering what’s got him so worked up. 

“What kind of plan?” 

“A secret one” 

I laugh, the silliness of it being a bit unnerving. Still, I’m intrigued, wanting to know more. 

“Can I be part of it?” 

“Oh, trust me, I believe you will” 

“Great, can’t wait” 

Josh laughs, and I smile, unknowing of what I’ve joined in on. Chris is still silent, swallowing hard and looking out in the forest. 

“So, how’re we planning on breaking into my parents lodge?” 

“We’re breaking in?” 

Chris finally chimes in, letting me hear his voice and see his face. “It’s NOT technically breaking in if you own the place” 

“We’ve already had this conversation” Josh sighs, turning around and walking backwards. 

“How’re we getting in?” I ask, retraveling back to the original question. If the door doesn’t work, maybe a window or another backdoor will. 

“Well, I didn’t say I had a plan on how to do it” 

“You sounded like you had a plan” Josh throws out his hands in despair, head to the sky as he sighs dramatically. “You better deliver, or else you got five lovely ladies who are gonna be freezing their buns off, and last time I checked, that’s not a good way to get laid” 

Chris tenses up again, giving a low huff in response. I laugh, Josh teasing him is hilarious. 

“Wouldn’t want to spoil Josh’s plans with Sam” I whisper to him, just loud enough to make Josh hear. Chris’s lips move up in a smile. 

“Hey, I’ve got A LOT of plans for you this weekend, just so you know. So don’t get too surprised” 

“Bet Sam will be surprised” 

“Oh, shut up guys” 

We get to the side of the house, waiting for someone to form an idea. I look around. An empty fire-axe display, a couple of windows and a power box. Chris moves to the power box, and Josh follows. 

“We’ve got ourselves a thinker, nice on” 

They place themselves on either side of the box, one pulling and one pushing. I run over to help, suddenly aware that I’m not doing anything. A few grunts and pushes, and the box is right under the window. I breathe out. Almost wish I hadn’t helped them, that was hard. 

Chris wastes no time, and jumps on top, slightly grunting as he does. Josh signals for me to follow, and I nod. He gives me his hand, and I take it, letting him help me up on the slippery box. A loud thud is heard, followed by whining. 

“I’m okay!” 

I help Josh up, and we move over to look in through the window. Chris is laid flat on his back, eyes pinched closed and arms spread. I give a small laugh. He’s adorable. 

“Should’ve paid more attention in climbing class” 

Josh and I immediately share a look, both of us furrowing our brows and wrinkle our noses. We look back, and he has already begun lifting himself up. 

“You mean gym?” 

“Yeah, you know, with the climb up the rope-” 

A loud shatter interrupts him, and the room goes dark. I look around, seeing the light bulb has exploded. I lean in a bit, wanting to see him better. 

“Woah”

“Did I do that?” 

“I don’t… I don’t think so” 

Josh fumbles with his jacket, hands going in every pocket before he finds what he’s looking for. A lighter. “Here, use this” he shouts, throwing it at Chris. He catches it with ease, lighting the small fire. The room lights up again, and everything gets more visible by the yellow flames. Oh, and his face, the way the light and shadows work together… 

“Woah, Chris, I just got an awesome idea” 

“Yeah?” 

“Totally” 

“Well, what is it?” 

“Okay. So, I’m pretty sure that I’ve got some deodorant in one of the bathrooms, you could use that with the lighter” I look up at him weirdly before asking. 

“How is a stick of deodorant gonna help?” 

“Same question!” Chris exclaims, pointing to me. 

“Spray-on, it’s a can” 

“Ohh, yeah, now I gotcha” 

“I still don't follow” I add, waiting for someone to explain. 

“Flamethrower!” 

“Just like we did with the little army dudes!” 

“Yup, the ones we melted” 

“You guys are madmen” I butt in, gaze going to and from them both as they talk. 

“Didn’t you ruin a couple of toys with fire?” Chris asks. 

“No?” 

“Did you even have a childhood?” Josh jokes, pushing my arm. 

I shake my head in response, letting them figure it out. If this was the way to get the door open, then let it be. 

“Anyway, lock!” 

“Yeah, flamethrower on the lock. On it!” Chris salutes, and Josh does the same back. 

“Godspeed pilgrim!” 

Chris turns around, and Josh and I jump off the powerbox, careful not to slip on the ice. I take his offered hand, my other one placed on the box as I carefully lower myself. He’s already on his way somewhere. 

“Hey, Josh…”

“Yeah?” 

“I just wanted to check on you, I know this year has been hard”

He puts his finger up, urging me to stop talking. 

“I truly appreciate that you all came back this year, I know it must feel weird. But you guys are some of my closest friends, and I don’t want to lose that” 

I nod, smiling a little his way. 

“Well, okay. Just know that we’re here here for you, anytime” 

He smiles, the atmosphere feeling lighter and lifted. 

“Thank you, you should have a grown-up talk with Chris too”

“What do you mean?” 

“You know what I mean” 

I cross my arms on my chest, unsure about how to approach the subject. 

“Josh, I want to, but it all feels a bit…”

“Icky, weird, disgusting?” 

“No, absolutely not. Maybe a bit disrespectful?” 

“To who?” 

“Your sisters” 

The air around us gets heavy again, and I beat myself up for not thinking before answering. He slowly nods his head, as if understanding something he didn’t before. 

“Okay, listen. They don’t mind” 

“It’s not that. Everything started last year?” 

“Something happened between you last year?” 

“Right when the prank happened, we were in the upstairs bathroom…”

“Shit” 

“Yeah”

“Fucking hell. And no one else knows?” 

“No, and as soon as we heard commotion downstairs, we ran to see what was happening” 

I try to explain, but everything sounds so vague and bad considering the circumstances. 

“Hey, I get it, bad start. I appreciate both you and Chris, for everything you did, also that night, but don’t let that stand in the way. If you need my blessing, you’ve got it. You both deserve each other, and last year didn’t doom you as it did others” 

I look up at him, trying to read his expression. But there’s something different there. He looks different, like another person. His eyes are empty and blind, the darkness clearly visible. Maybe this is not a good thing to talk about. 

“Thank you Josh, but I think we both need to be on the same wavelength about this, especially after not having contact for a whole year” 

He nods, and is about to turn around again when he puts his hand up, dramatically spinning around back, a finger pointed right towards me. I look at him surprised. 

“You know, I don’t think Chris will find that can on his own” 

“What? Yes he will, he’s a smart man” 

“I mean, academically, yes, but give that man a location and he might go an entire different way” 

I give him a sceptical stare, and he gives himself away as I catch a glimpse of his playful smirk. Was everyone on this mountain going to tease me? 

“None of you guys are funny, I left the others because I thought there was a chance I wouldn’t get teased here” 

“Oh, you’re no fun. You just need to shoot your shot” 

“Absolutely not!”

“God knows the only way Chris will do it, is if you put a gun to his head” 

“He might not even then” I add, the thought sinking in. If it really mattered, he would’ve done so already. Whatever these feelings are, they’ll pass. 

“Oh, I guess we’ll see. But you still need to go inside” 

A loud shriek is heard, something which definitely came from Chris. I look at Josh, and he just shrugs. Rolling my eyes, he helps me up on the power box, and I carefully make my way in. 

“Josh, it’s super creepy down here!” 

“Got your phone?” 

I reach into my pocket, grabbing my phone and turning on the flashlight. The cellar lights up, full of dusk and boxes. 

“Um, still creepy Josh!” 

There’s silence, too much. He doesn’t answer, and I try his name again, but to no avail. Shit. I would definitely struggle to climb back out, so the only option left is to find Chris or the entrance. It’s been a year, and I don’t remember everything. I walk further in, deciding to ignore every dark corner and room. The door to the hallway is open, and I quickly make my way, immediately feeling the familiarity with the dark wood and wall decorations. It’s like nothing’s changed. Except the atmosphere, and dust, and that sinking feeling that something bad will happen. I walk to the end of the hall, noticing the family portrait at the end. Beth and Hannah look so alive, the brush strokes bringing out their colour and vibrancy. I miss them, both of them. 

A loud noise bursts my bubble, making me look to my left to see the previously open door being slammed shut. My breath hitches, body tensing as I grab the doorknob. It’s locked. It probably has an automatic lock on the other side, and the wind made the door shut. There are most likely other windows open that made this happen. I breathe out, clutching my phone harder from being frightened. I just need to find Chris. That’s the only reason I'm here in the first place. 

I take a right, walking further into the building to see a door creeping open right in front of me. I wait for Chris to go through, but he doesn’t come. The door is left open, the creaking noise burrowed in my brain. This is fucked up, wasn’t it closed? I thread forward carefully, each step taken with great caution as I make my way. I look through the door, seeing the familiar sight of the lodge’s hallway and main room. Thank God. 

I walk to the door and look through the windows. Sam and Ashley are standing there, waiting for it to be opened. I knock, and they both jump at the sudden sound. 

“Just me, didn’t mean to scare you!” 

“Good, Chris already tried” Sam complains, trying to look back through the frost-covered glass. 

“Yeah, I can’t see him” 

I feel something behind me, something big and dark casting a shadow on the door. Soft yellow light approaching and a small creek right behind me. My body, which is already tense, gets stiffer, and I try the door handle to no avail. 

Two large arms go around me. One on my waist and one around my neck. I scream before my mouth is covered with a massive hand, pressing down on my lips. 

“Shit, it’s just me, just jokes” Chris smiles, letting go of me. My heart is beating out of my chest, pulse skyrocketing and breathing uneven. 

“That’s one too many for today” I state, and he gives a small laugh. 

“Sorry, couldn’t help myself” 

He comes closer, arms closing around me in a gentle manner. The touch is soft, and too short as he leans away, lifting my face to look up at him. I’m calm now, the adrenaline rush lowering and my senses coming back. 

“I swear to God, if you scare me one more time during this trip-”

“You’re such a scaredy-cat” 

“That’s the point!” 

I hear snickers outside as we keep bickering, and roll my eyes. Didn’t these people have other things to do than listen to us? I look down, seeing the spray in one of his hands. Oh, that’s right, they don’t. 

“Let’s get this thing open” I wave to the lock, and he gives a smile, hand pushing me out of the way. He puts the lighter in front of the spray, and I take another step back, just for safety measures. He sprays, the flames being big and ashy as they go against the metal lock. I look over, making sure that he stays within the secluded area, and doesn't set the wood on fire. Luckily, he seems to have full control. 

Finally, it seems enough, and before I can stop him, he’s quick to grab hold of the handle and open the door. The others thank him, while I notice the shaking and clutching of his left hand. 

“Thank you, thank you” he bows. “I’ll be here all week” 

A loud noise and fast-traveling animal runs out beside us, and I hold my breath, standing still as it passes. Chris yelps, jumping back while the other’s make way for it, letting it run back into the forest. 

“Crap, that thing freaked me out” Chris breathes out, his hand on my arm. Poor thing. 

“What was that?” Ashley asks, still laughing a bit. 

“It was like, a bear or a tiger or… something” 

“Awe, it was just a cute little baby wolverine” Sam taunts, walking past him and clapping his shoulder. The response makes me giggle, and he pulls his hand back, having both of them in the air and waiting for some consolation. 

“Baby?” 

“Don’t worry buddy, you’re gonna be a big boy soon” Josh adds, walking past him with Ashley and Matt. I give him a nudge, and we follow them into the main room of the lodge. 

“Home sweet home” Josh exclaims, hands outreached to the dark space. 

“Sweet is not the word I’d use” Matt whispers, and I agree. It’s dark, weird and feels too eerie for me. It’s like we’re in a horror game. Ashley rubs her arms, trying to stay warm. 

“Oh my gosh, it’s so good to be inside, even though it’s still freezing” 

“I’ll get a fire going” Josh walks over to the fireplace, placing down some logs and setting up. 

“This place barely looks any different” Matt comes up beside me, looking over all the furniture. 

“My thoughts exactly” I tell him, meeting his eyes. There’s some kind of worry in them. I bet he still feels bad. No wonder, no one should really feel good being up here. Not after what happened. 

“What’s up, party people!” 

“Hey!” 

Mike and Jessica make their entrance, both psyched to get the action going. Most of us greet them back, but I notice that Matt doesn’t. He looks at Mike with contempt, something dark brewing. That’s what we all need now, some drama. I walk over to Ashley, sitting beside her on the sofa. Don’t want to be in the fire-zone when the shooting starts. 

“Make yourself at home, bro” Josh tells Mike, still fumbling with the fire. 

“Will do” 

“Yeah, come on in” 

Shit, now it starts. I give Ashley a look, and she leans in to whisper something to me. I listen while the drama unfolds in front of me. 

“I was by one of the telescopes earlier, and saw Mike and Emily exchange quite an ‘intimate’ hug. Matt wanted to see, and I was unsure about what to do, but he just looked anyway. I think it really hit a nerve” 

“No wonder” I whisper back. “Wouldn’t you be pissed if you saw your partner do that with an ex. The ex right before you. Who, you have A LOT of history with?” 

“Well, yeah, of course” 

Things seemed to have cooled off a bit between the two, Mike with both of his hands up in surrender and Matt taking a step back. Mike walks over to Jess, arm going to the back of the sofa, behind her. She nuzzles into him, and I can already sense Emily’s anger before she wanders into the lodge scoffing. This was going to be a long retreat. 

“Oh my god, that is so gross. Are you trying to swallow his face whole?” she walks towards them slowly, stopping a couple of meters away, arms crossed over her chest. Not more drama. Matt takes a step towards her, hand reaching a little out for her. 

“Em…” 

I can imagine how he feels, seeing his girlfriend and ex like that, and then seeing his girlfriend get jealous. Still, he isn’t aggravated anymore, just trying to calm her with small steps. She doesn’t budge, but keeps looking at the couple with disgust.

“Seriously, can she be any more obvious?” 

Jess snuggles further into Mike, taunting her and showing him off. I can already see that Mike’s getting uncomfortable, knowing something is about to blow up. Emily leans a bit down, as if talking to a toddler, staring Jess down. 

“No one wants in on your territory, honey” 

“Excuse me, did you say something?” 

Jess now rises, walking up to her. The tension in the room strengthens, and I look over to the others, but everyone is fixated on the next move, sucking in the drama like sweet nectar. I sigh, feeling Ashley’s hand on mine, uncomfortably shifting as she watches. This’ll go nowhere, the bickering and bitching. If someone doesn’t stop them, they’ll keep going, maybe even get physical. 

“Hey, watch it!” 

“Oh, you’re the only one who can put him down? No one else gets to play with your toys?”

I lean over to Ashley, whose eyes are still glued to the fight. 

“Is none going to stop them?” 

“I wouldn’t dare to put myself in that position” 

Josh stands up, shaking the ash off his fingers. 

“Stop it! This is not why we came up here, this is not helping. It’s not what I wanted” 

Sam stands up as well, taking a few steps and adding to the statement. 

“If we can’t get along for ten minutes, maybe we just need a little break?” 

Josh looks over at her, an appreciative smile on his lips, then turning back to the others. 

“Yes! Mike, why don’t you check out the guest cabin, the one I told you about?” 

Mike stands up, hand outstretched for Jess. 

“Yeah, want to go do that?” 

“Any place without that whore” 

“It’s right up the trail” Josh adds as they walk out. Emily finally turns around, noticing our big eyes and awkward faces. Matt imitates an explosion, causing her to roll her eyes. I take a breath, looking over at Chris. His lips are thinned, and he also lets out some air. Jeez, that was a lot for most of us. Hopefully, things get better tomorrow. Matt walks over to Josh, noticing the lacking fire. 

“So, should we get this fire going?” 

“Yeah, working on it” 

“Where’s my bag?” Emily asks, looking over at Matt. 

“Huh?” 

“My bag… The little one with the pink pattern, the one I got on Rodeo” 

Her boyfriend gives her a dumbfounded expression, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Matt, are you listening? Matt, I need my bag!”

“Oh my god Em, maybe you just forgot it!”

“Do you seriously think I’d just forget my bag?” 

“Well, I-”

“Do you?” 

“Guess not” 

“You must’ve left it down by the cable car station” 

“Ugh”

“Come on, hun. We’ll be back soon” 

Matt sighs, walking over to her by the door. 

“Then we can get warm?” 

“We can get very warm” 

He caves, arm outstretched and letting her lead him out. I lean back on the couch, energy drenched. God, why did I come? Ashley leans back, lips against my ear as she whispers. 

“See how easy it is for them to say what they want to do to each other instead of OBVIOUSLY thinking loudly?” 

I hit her, and she laughs. All the others look over curiously, but I just shake my head to them. 

“Okay, I’m gonna go take a bath” Sam exclaims, patting Josh’s shoulder and walking up the stairs. 

“Need help?” Ashley asks, already making her way beside her. 

“N-” she hits her, looking over at us before agreeing. I roll my eyes as they both walk upstairs. 

“What’s that all about?” Chris asks, and I tell him nothing. I can see Josh trying to hide his smile, still unable to get the fire going. 

“Shit, forgot to give Mike and Jess the keys” He stands up, and I do the same. 

“I’ll sprint over with them” 

He walks backwards, looking at both of us while throwing the keys up and down, catching them in his hands every time. 

“No, no. You guys are guests, get comfy, have sex, whatever” 

“Man” Chris interjects, but he turns around and laughs. 

“It’s what everyone else is doing, just follow the herd” 

He disappears around the corner, and I sit back down. They finally made things even more awkward between us. The silence is deafening, only broken by a couple of giggles from upstairs. 

“I guess we should talk” Chris suddenly says, eyes still on the ground, body leaning forward on his knees. The cold is almost as bad as the sinking feeling in my stomach, but I still nod in reply. 

“Let's get a fire going first, it’s icy in here” 

“Coming right up” he says with his comedic voice, the tone lightening the mood. We both walk over to the fireplace, setting up the last logs and lighting some matches. I watch his fingers as he does. The fingers tensing a little as he swipes the match to create fire. He  leans into the fireplace, and manages to light right on the bark, setting the logs ablaze. I hum at the light, the air around us starting to get a little bit foggy and warmer. 

I look up at him, noticing how close his face is. I carefully inch closer, everything in the background blurry as I look into his eyes. They’re wanting, as if needing something, or someone. His mouth is slightly open, and I bite my lip a little in anticipation. Both of our breaths are heavy and uneven, and I can feel it on my chin as he gets closer. 

“I gave you five minutes!” Josh exclaims, and we both jump back. We look up, and Josh is standing between us, the girls on the top of the stairs watching intently. I stand up, making my way back to the couch. Chris does the same, pushing a smiling Josh out of the way. 

“We were building the fire you so miserably failed at” 

“Damn, harsh man” 

“Sam, want to help me beat up Chris?” Josh shouts. 

“I was just getting into the bath!” Sam responds, shouting down from upstairs. He gets a playful smirk on his lips, hand going to his mouth to carry his words further. 

“And, do you need any help with that?!” 

“Hardy har” 

Chris and I look at each other, before looking at the flirt. He has a slight blush on his face, almost invisible. 

“Well, if it isn’t the little Sammy-lover” Chris smiles, leaning cockily back on the couch. 

“At least he wishes to be”

“I hate both of you” 

“Maybe he’s the one who needs to be left alone for five minutes?” 

“Shut up” 

He laughs a little, and I smile at the thought of him finally opening up a bit. This was healthy for him, feeling like this. I’m still unsure about the whole lodge-ordeal, but so far, he’s good. 

“You know, we have a spirit board here somewhere” He says, side-eyeing us with a sly smirk. 

“A what?” 

“Wow, you have a spirit board?” Chris asks, leaning forward interested. 

“Yeah, yeah, they’re fun right?” 

“Absolutely not” I say, shaking my head. After everything that has happened here, I’m not checking for ghosts and demons, that’s the last thing we should be doing. 

“Should we have a seance?” 

“No”

“Yes” 

“They’re a joke, they don’t do shit” I try, but my argument fails. 

“I know, but it's still interesting” Chris says. 

I look over at him, and he’s looking at me pleadingly. Puppy eyes and a pouty mouth. I try to resist, but my defences fall, and I sigh. They both take it as defeat and cheer. 

“But, only if I get Ashley with me” 

“She’ll be easy to convince” 

“Josh! No hot water, kind of a major oversight don’t you think?” Sam says, coming down the stairs. Ashley walks behind her, coming down to take her place beside me. 

“Yeah, yeah, just gotta fire up the boiler, it’s in the basement” 

He turns to us, already beginning to leave with Sam. 

“You guys see if you can find the spirit board” 

“A spirit board?” Ashley asks, and I just sigh. “They forced me to” 

“Can’t say no to this handsome face” Chris smiles, getting up to look for the board” 

“Come on, let’s go find it, it’ll be like a scavenger hunt” and she drags me up by the arms as I whine. “Fine” 

We look for a while. At one point, we lose Chris. He walked into another room, not to be seen again. I try closets and shelves, but cannot find anything. 

“Think it’s time to regroup?” 

“Yeah”

We walk back to the main room, voices immediately heard. 

“Holy crab, you were scared, admit it”

“I was not!”

“Come on, you totally pissed yourself!”

“Josh!” 

Up the stairs comes the three guys, Chris wearing a monk-costume. I look him up and down while Ashley’s laughing so hard she almost can’t stand. She has to turn away to calm herself. I smile, walking towards him as he joins his hands in prayer. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” 

“I’ve found my true calling?” he says, hands making a cross over me. 

“You know monks can’t own stuff, or have relationships, or sex?” 

He thinks for a bit, looking me up and down with a small smirk. Is he… cocky?

“I guess I need to change profession then” 

“Omg, will you take a vow of silence?” Ashley laughs, coming up beside me. He starts talking without sound. And I can’t help the small snicker that escapes my lips. 

“Okay, okay, we get it” 

He draws forward the spirit board, and I whine again. Why did we have to do this? 

“Here’s our one-way ticket to the spirit realm” 

Sam is already walking up the stairs, not wanting to take part in the activities. I almost want to join her. A hot bath clearly beats seeking demons. But I don’t, instead, I take off my coat and hang it on a chair before walking over to the others. 

“Bold move of you with the sex-comment” Ashley whispers, and I give her a small smile and I rest my head against her shoulder. 

“Well, you all have told me to be a bit more forward” 

“That’s my girl”

Taglist: @porcelainbluedove @b3rryb3t

[jailuvz]

Be inclusive when writing fan fics

Hi so I'm gonna make this post about smth important since I don't see a lot of people do this.

So we all know about kpop fan fics where it's always "Y/N" but it doesn't always feel like it's you in the story from the character description, dw ik how that feels.

I might sound harsh saying this but if you can't write a story where you're representing the person reading it as the Y/N then pls just do OC atp, bc most of you are not inclusive at all. Bc the moment you write "her long DARK and STRAIGHT hair", that's when you're using only a certain group of people while leaving other ones behind, bc how am I supposed to read that and think "that definitely fits me" while I have really curly hair.

Don't get me started on when it comes to race, bc it's always "white" or "pale" skin, if you're just gonna use yourself as the description might as well just put yourself in that story. Yk how sad it got that people of colour literally have to write their separate stories for their own people so that they can feel included for once. Same thing with bodies, always the generic ass "the dress hugged all her curves" and "her cleavage was showing" phrases in these stories, where is the "the dress hugged their body just right" or "the dress complimented their body beautifully" and for the chest, you can talk about it without mentioning cleavage bc surprise, not everyone has big boobs.

If you struggle to write a story where it does include every reader then pls don't start, do your research on how to work with phrases then start it.

And another thing, for the social media au fics, let's stop using east asian girls to represent the reader, bc not everyone is east asian, matter of fact not everyone is asian; and ik yall gonna say "but we need to use pictures to represent Y/N", make them your OC, easy, bc most of yall lost the plot of what "Y/N" means. And not only that, but it seems to me that a lot of yall think that an east asian needs to be with another east asian; what happened to mixed couples, is it wrong for those idols to be with a different ethnicity?

And not every female reader is short, I'm so tired of seeing "she looked up at him" or just the reader being described as a short cute girl, gtfo. I wanna see a female Y/N that is tall in those stories, I'm saying this as a short woman bc my tall girlies are always left out.

This post only talks about female readers as I'm a woman and I'm not familiar with how male readers are described but if you guys want me to talk about that too just inform me and I'll do it :).

Once again, if you can't represent the reader, either use yourself in the stories or just use OC.

Thank you for reading if you made it till the end. <3

[xhybnx]

"There is no such thing as too slow, if you are making an effort, then that's all that matters...and what the hell does not enough even mean? There's no real way to measure progress, this shit isn't physical, so just accept that you are making an effort and that's amazing. If you want to feel like you are doing more, then maybe..." she thinks for a moment. "It may be a bit rough, but you could get a journal and write down everything from the beginning to now...at least what you can remember..." she gets up and goes to the living room and grabs her journal and a second one then sits back down at the table "I wrote down every traumatic moment, every breakdown...every bad thought..but I also wrote down my progress in getting better and this gives me a tangible way of seeing my progress.." she smiles "You may not have as much detail and may miss a few things here and there but you could write what you remember and then once you get to current time just work on it as time goes on...I started mine in high school...so I have everything...but it's okay if you don't have all the little things...I went a bit overboard...this isn't even the first journal" she slides over the second journal. "This is the same journal, but brand new. You can have it, look back at where things went bad in your life....you don't have to go back as far as when I started mine...and write things down...doing this takes it from your mind and puts it somewhere else..." she leans her elbow on the table then her chin on her hand "I think I liked this method because it gets these bad memories and moments out of my head without me pretending they didn't happen...I'm not faking anything...I'm acknowledging they happened and moving on from them. When you start to see your progress and the good starts to outweigh the bad...you will be so proud...but don't worry if it's slow going" she lifts up her current journal "This is my third journal since high school....and this..." she separates a chunk of pages and holds it between her fingers "this is all the good...this is when I started to get better...just that small bit...out of three books...so even if it seems like I've come so far...I still have so far to go." She closes the book and then sits back in her seat. "Progress doesn't need to be fast, as long as you are always working on yourself until your final days...then you will be just fine"

Daydreaming - @ryukjunghwa - Jung-Hwa x Hayden *CLOSED RP*

Hayden had been back in Korea for about a year now, things had been chaotic over the past few years and she was finally coping in healthier ways, though life was still full of ups and downs she was doing alright and trying to make the best of it. She was celebrating 6 and a half months off hard drugs and was having a drink at her favorite bar when she decided to find a place to sit and just people watch, she had mostly cut herself off from her friends as they were all bad influences and led to a lot of her substance abuse issues so she was alone during this time but by now she was used to it and didn't mind it much anymore. She was sipping her drink and scrolling on her phone when a rather boldly dressed girl walked up. She sets her phone down on the table and sits back crossing her legs casually “You visited me in my dreams last night.“ Hayden simply listened to her attempt at a pickup line then laughed softly "Well I'm sorry that I turned your dream into a nightmare. May I order you a drink as compensation?" she motioned for the lady to sit if she wanted.

[slayerdurge]

the thing that drives me absolutely crazy though is that gortash is presented as this commanding dominating tyrant and yet it's consistently shown that the thing he appreciates about durge (or tav for that matter) is when they're not willing to submit to him & when they are strong enough to either stand against him or to stand with him & when they are his equal.

an insane thing for someone like him to want. you'd think he'd want to rule alone and yet the insight checks all show that he actually prefers to share so long as there's someone around worth sharing with.

"Half a smile shows he is teasing you. He doesn't think for one moment you'd fully submit to him. Nor should a spawn as formidable as you."

[joinmeinjoy]

Very interesting to me that Abigail preferred Hannibal over Will, but Will had an emotional connection to her that Hannibal didn't - or at least not to the same extent.

I think maybe one day he could've found a stronger bond considering she had also killed and eaten people, but during the series she's really just a tool. Hannibal uses her to like... babytrap Will. And tbf it worked, Will didn't tell Jack what he knew when he discovered Abigail murdered that guy - if he was willing to cover for her, maybe eventually he'd cover for Hannibal too, the 3 of them too intrinsically tied for him to separate, I mean that's the trapping part. But she was just a means to an end, a relationship Hannibal nurtured for his own gain with Will....whereas Will really did view her as his daughter.

Very interesting to me...off-put by Will (especially towards the end of s1), but he had the most vested interest in her well-being out of the pair...

[sscullysglasses]

#okay so here's the post#what i'm trying to say is that time travels are indeed cool but when it comes to characters i personally can see that#the writers didn't account for the time differential. like. I feel like they wrote their stories consequentially#as. in. episode by episode. but they forgot to factor in the time difference.#three years is not a lot of time but it's also not a small amount of time as well

Okay yes to all of this. One of my biggest complaints with this show is that they really struggle to maintain the emotional balance with the timelines (and that they are entirely too proud of themselves for the love triangle/expanded geometry between Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Juliet). It's incredibly disrespectful to the characters as individuals (and frankly bad writing) that they continue to push this relationship struggle when these are grown adults and three years have passed. Jack and Kate were engaged and raising a child together! I agree with your points regarding cheapening both their characters by making Sawyer the reason they break up. They both have bigger issues going on that it feels like the writers were unable or just unwilling to use.

I absolutely love how complex the timeline is on the show but it's so crazy to me that the first 4 seasons of on island story happens within like THREE MONTHS. And some characters will get over DEATHS faster than the love triangle resolves after THREE YEARS. It's so unrealistic and frustrating. Jack and Kate had a full domestic life together that can't really compare to the situation she had with Sawyer. (and as much as they play up the love triangle in the show it was never super compelling to me. It was clear to me that Kate was always going to choose Jack and a lot of her later interactions with Sawyer were directly because of Jack anyway.)

Yet when the plot needs to move, they continue to revert back to the love triangle to further the story. Like again in the season five with Juliet deciding to help Jack with the bomb instead of stopping him. All because Sawyer looked at Kate. Insecurities aside.... It's been three years for these characters and they've clearly changed. Having years long relationships when the other person wasn't around to factor in, really cannot compare to the couple of months Kate and Sawyer had. It just feels like such a cop out on the writers part to continue to push the love triangle narrative after such a long time as passed for the characters and the audience.

There was so much potential to develop Kate's character that they bypassed for the tired love triangle as well. I always felt that a lot of her internal struggle between Jack and Sawyer during season 5 could just as easily been more related to the fact that Sawyer maintained his relationship with Juliet and not necessarily because she had unresolved feelings for him. Sawyer didn't factor into Kate's decision to return to the island at all. She was there to look for Claire. I don't think old feelings for Sawyer resurfaced just because she was back on the island and around him again. During the scene at the creek in "Whatever Happened, Happened", Kate brings up their relationship and says to him "you seem to be doing ok [in a relationship] with Juliet". You can read that as her asking why they wouldn't have worked out (and the writers likely want you to) but you can also interpret this as Kate wondering why it worked out for them when she and Jack broke up. They could have done a lot of great character work exploring these more grown up versions but the second they return to the island, a lot of that falls away.

Ummm... I need to ask you losties a question.

As you know I'm a big Jack Shepard apologist (he's the only fictional white man that I'll protect at all cost just because we're trauma-bonded) and, although I honest-to-god think that he has a lot of chemistry with Sawyer, I've always loved his relationship with Kate because it's lightning quick but messy, cute but full of unsaid things.

Aside from fanon readings (unfortunately the show has never taken queer relationship to heart), the Jack-Kate-Sawyer love triangle was, more or less, interesting until s2 max s3. After that? It was just a tired trope that they continued to use because the show kept running but they had already reached its resolution and didn't really bother to find more interesting ways to develop the relationship between these three.

Today, however, while I was re-watching "The Little Prince" (S5) I realized one thing: perhaps the reason why it feels like it's a tired trope is because, narratively speaking, it's pretty unbalanced?

I mean, in S4 we see Jack and Kate relationship both on the island and back home. Like, we literally see them as they develop their relationship along two different timelines. In other words, we're given more material and, as I've already said many times, it's clear as day that by S4 the love triangle thing has been resolved.

However, because in S5 time works differently, we keep continuing seeing Jack and Kate's relationship but we also see the last remainder of Sawyer's attachment to Kate. But, by now, 20+ episodes have passed, different timelines have been explored so... the "bond" between these two characters feels... diluted?

As in, it makes sense for Sawyer to still think about Kate because only a few weeks have passed to him. But to us? For us three years have passed + what happened on the island with Jack and Kate in s4 so it kinda makes also sense to us that the love triangle is done.

It's like what I said about Kate and Jack's fight in s4: it makes close to zero sense for them to fight over Sawyer, not because they've just forgotten about him but because we see actual events happening to them in-between those years. And these events are all pretty though so the Sawyer-of-it-all almost pales in comparison!

So what I'm trying to say, I guess, is that while the time-travels storylines are cool as fuck, when it comes to feelings and love... they leave a bittersweet taste after viewing the episodes because the relationships suddenly don't feel earned anymore.

Like, we literally see Sawyer develop a bond with Juliet, open up to her, show his vulnerabilities etc. On the other hand, we also see Jack and Kate being domestic etc. So all the sudden "pathos" between Sawyer and Kate is just... not there?

Up until s3 they were GREAT together but after that? Just too many things happened and their relationships wasn't as "fated" as Kate's with Jack. It would've made more sense if they'd either showed a rekindling that actually made sense or they'd just developeded their dynamics differently.

Anyhoo, I've written too much, I really wanna knw what YOU folks think!