#shawty let me hit cause i listen

[thatweirdfetish]

Take my tablet away from me before I reach the sun

[misfitmin]

LOWKEY // BM

BM x OC

| Tags : gn!oc, afab!oc, public oral sex, degrading kink, praise kink,

DISCLAIMER: This is a 18+ fic based on BM’s new single album LOWKEY. I'm a baby writer so if the story seems badly written my bad lmaooo.

There he is…. the man I need in ways I can't even explain  

Kairi goes out to the party at the club their bestie Momo invited them out to. Kairi stands at a table waiting for Momo per usual because she can never be on time anywhere.

Kairi spots Big “Mac Daddy’’ Matthew across the room admiring his smile, his hair perfectly slicked back hair. Tall and sexy. Kairi couldn’t help but fantasize about the things they would do to him while they waited for Momo’s slow ass.

Momo:  ‘’BESTIEEEEEEEEE’’ Kairi hears the familiar voice of their long-time bestie Momo. 

Kairi: ‘’Where have you been?! You were supposed to be here an hour ago’’ 

Kairi says while smacking Momo playfully. 

Momo: “Sorry I know I'm hella late I lost track of time getting ready,” she says as 

Kairi zones out again getting distracted by the beautiful man that BM is. 

Momo: “Fren are you even listening?” 

Kairi snaps out of their daze.

Kairi:  “Yea girl I’m listening,” they say, still half gazing at BM. “Damn I need him in the most unholy ways” 

Kairi lets their inner dialogue slip. 

Momo shocked replies

Momo:  ``Girl who you talkin' bout?”

Realizing they spoke out loud slightly embarrassed they point at BM across the room. 

Kairi: “Him, the finest man in this party right now.”

They say as they happen to make eye contact with him.

BM’s POV

BM: “Yo this party ain’t hitting we gotta get this shit more hype” 

He says as he happens to catch Kairi lookin at him. He’s blown away by their beauty. His heart races. 

“Yo shawty over there fine,”  he thinks to himself.

BM: “ Yo peep shawty over there fine asf, I’m tryna vibe with them” 

he says to his friend. 

Peniel turns his head to see. 

Peniel: “Daaaaamn yo you gon make a move on shawty” 

Peniel says hyping his friend up. 

BM: “Hell yeah, bro.” 

He starts walking towards Kairi nervous but cool and confident. 

Kairi POV

Kairi: “FUCK MOMO HE’S WALKING OVER HERE” 

Kairi says panicked but trying to stay composed 

“Girl stay cool we just vibing I’ll back you up babygirl” 

Kairi takes a deep breath before they can say anything BM says 

BM: ‘’Hey wassup I’m BM what's your name?’’

Kairi:  “My name is Kairi’’

BM: “Kairi I like that’’

Kairi:’’ Thank you”

BM: ‘’So Kairi do you and your friend wanna join me and my friend and vibe tonight? It be great to have you’’

Kairi glances at Momo, Momo shakes her head in agreeance 

Kairi: ‘’ We’re down lets get lit’’

BM takes Kairi’s hand and leads them and Momo to introduce his Friend Peniel. They exchange greetings get drinks and vibe together. Like the perfect clique. Momo and Peniel hit it off well and spent the whole night laughing and dancing together. While BM and Kairi are dancing vibing exchanging whispers to each other creating sexual tension as they rub and grind on each other. 

Red Nose by Sage the Gemini starts playing Momo and Kairi's faces light up. BM and Peniel already know what's up.

BM: Yall know the dance to this song?

Kairi & Momo: in sync HELL YEA WE DO!!!

BM grabs Kairi by the waist, and Peniel and Momo follow suit. 

“All this money on me now come take it from a G all she tryna do is get naked (naked naked naked)’’

Kairi starts throwing ass and BM is catching it. BM Loves the view from behind. He places his hands on the round and voluptuous, juicy black booty. He moves his hands around, rubbing and smacking their ass. They moved their bodies to the rhythm in sync as their sexual euphoria fills the air. 

The music transitions to Body Party by Ciara, and the vibe becomes more sensual. 

Kairi stands up straight, still being held by BM at the waist they start widening their hips rubbing up on BM slowly in an up-and-down motion, wrapping one arm around his neck. BM whispers in their ear softly, causing Kairi to feel a pleasurable shiver run down their spine.

BM: Tryna go somewhere lowkey 

Kairi: Yeah let's go. I'm tryna see what you packing Daddy 

BM: Mmm is that so?

Kairi: Yeah I wanna know if you can handle all this

BM: smirking  Common lil mama.

BM signals to Peniel that he’s heading out dapping him up, and Kairi hugs Momo as they head out. BM’s driver comes around and the pair gets into the dark-tinted windowed car. 

In the car, they feel up on each other. Kissing while Kairi rubs on BM’s dick. Letting out soft moans BM grips on Kairi’s thick thighs rubbing and scratching, turning Kairi on even more. Kairi slyly unzips BM’s pants with one hand as they pulled out his hard throbbing dick with the other, smirking to themselves they give the tip a light lick, teasing him further. Starting at the tip, they slowly make their way to the base. Inch by inch disappearing further down their throat, making Kairi thankful for not having a gag reflex all while BM arch his back causing more of his hard cock to go down Kairi’s throat. The feeling of their tight throat sent chills down his spine making him crave more. As they get closer to his house, the pair barely get out of the car with their clothes on in presentable fashion, the temptation to finish what had been started weighing on their minds as they barely make it to the door before their hands find and start exploring each other's body. They had just barely entered the house and closed the door before their clothes started flying off their bodies and drifted to the floor.

BM picked up Kairi, his arms underneath their legs as their arms wrapped themselves around his neck, the two kissing as they made their way from the doorway and to the spacious living room. BM laid Kairi gently on the couch, looking down at their flushed state before moving to kiss their slightly swollen lips and down their neck, taking the time to leave marks all over as he began suckling on the sweet spot between their throat and shoulder, causing Kairi to moan out as they raised their hand to their mouth in a half-hearted effort to stifle the sounds. BM moved his lips down to their breasts and thighs, teasing their nipples with a light bite and the inside of their thighs with their hands keeping them spread for him. He edges close to their pussy, his mouth leaving more marks on them. Pleased with himself, BM comes up to look at the visibly frustrated and well-teased Kairi with a smirk. 

BM: Let’s hop in the shower

Kairi: slightly frustrated mmmm okay daddy 

BM guides them up the stairs to the bathroom, a sleek black-tiled room with fancy red LED lights and gold detailing. The shower is a clear spacious space, big enough to fit two, Kairi notices with a smile. BM turns on the shower with a waterfall showerhead. 

BM: Imma go get sum drinks and when I come back I want you naked 

He kisses Kairi and heads downstairs. Kairi takes off their underwear and bra and looks at themself in the mirror admiring their beautiful black body now marked with BM’s lovin. Replaying the events up until now in their head they began to touch the places BM had touched and teased their body. Starting by caressing their voluptuous breasts, then moving down to rub and pinch their nipples between their fingers and moving upwards towards their neck to touch each mark left by BM in the mirror. As a shiver runs through their spine, the warm air from the shower filling the room not helping their flustered state, their hands made their way down to their pussy feeling how wet they are as they rub their clit in small circles. Moaning softly rubbing their clit faster.  BM Walked on in setting the drinks on the nightstand for after their shower. He comes behind Kairi rubbing on them and guiding them to the shower. 

BM: Mmmm you look so sexy playing with yourself.

Kairi: Yeah you want a taste

They take their fingers drenched in pussy juices and put them in his mouth

BM: Damn baby you taste good

They step into the shower lathering each other in soap rubbing and kissing. Letting the lust swallow them whole. Letting the water run over them, kissing every inch of their bodies. They continue to kiss passionately, eating each other up with every smack. Finally, they get out smiling at each other, BM grabs warm towels and wraps one around Kairi and then one around himself he leads them to the bed. The room was black with red LED lights perfect for the mood, candles lit cool air blowing BM handed Kairi some soju. BM takes a shot and then kisses Kairi spilling the sultry slightly sweet drink into their mouth. Kairi getting impatient. 

Kairi: Lay back baby I'm bout to put this pussy on you like you never experienced before pushes BM back straddling his face 

BM: Lays back and grabs their waist letting out a soft moan Damn lil mama

Kairi: Eat my pussy baby make me cum all over that sexy face 

Licking and sucking on their clit inserting his fingers as they ride his face. Kairi moans calling his name. Grinding their hips back and forth aggressively. Feeling the sensation of BM’s tongue and lips sucking licking hitting the right spot over and over, becoming overwhelmed with pleasure they get close to cumming

Kairi: fuck ugh baby just like that ahh don't stop.

BM: mmm yes mama cum on my face. 

Kairi: Shit im boutta cum ah ah ah UGHHHHH FUCK!!

Kairi squirts and BM cums the simultaneously 

Kairi collapses on the bed weak all over and out of breath. They lick the mess off BM’s face, cleaning him up. 

BM: damn lil mama dat pussy is some serious 

Kairi: You love it huh

BM: Hell yea I don’t think I can ever get enough

Kairi: Yeah show me but we gon need a safe word first

BM: Bet how about Black rose

Kairi: I like that

After agreeing on the safe word, BM smirks and flips Kairi over on the end of the bed, He gets up rubbing his dick. He slowly feeds each inch into Kairi’s mouth until all 8 inches are down their throat. As he begins to fuck their throat he moans at the tight, warm space that envelopes his throat. He moans again, thrusting more as their throat grips his dick like a vacuum, refusing to let go. Kairi takes all of BM so well, no reflex, swallowing him whole. Sending chills down his spine in bliss. Shocked at how well they're taking his dick, BM’s moans get louder and louder, getting closer and closer to finishing.

BM: Damn your throat feels so good. It’s so tight~~ 

BM: fuck mama I’m boutta cum *huff huff* be a good slut and swallow 

Kariri: *gagged* mmmm yess daddy 

BM: fuk~~ baby I'm cumming FUK I-

Sweet release Kairi swallows every drop. BM falls to his knees weak and panting, reeling from the out-of-body experience, He had never felt this good before. There was something different bout Kairi. He kisses them passionately. Caressing their head still hanging from the bed. Staring into their eyes passionately admiring their beauty. Taken aback, he thinks how could he come across someone so mysterious yet stunning?

Kairi: You like that didn't you

BM: Absolutely, you're a demon the way you had my dick in your throat. 

Kairi: Mmmhmmm *kisses him*

BM: Get on all fours baby I’m boutta fuck you crazy 

Kairi: Oh! 

Intrigued, Kairi gets on their hands and knees on the bed, their pussy soaking wet. BM lightly rubs their pussy getting them wetter. He teases their entrance with a small smirk as they moved his hand away and replaced it with his dick. Smacking their ass with his hard cock was like watching a tidal wave effect on that ass. He eases it in by thrusting slowly. In shock, Kairi moans loudly, trembling and taking inch by inch. BM grabs their hair speeding up a bit. Kairi feels his dick in their guts losing their sanity, while he fucks them brainless. He pushes their head down gripping their waist and stroking faster and faster. Scratching their back.

Kairi: DADDY~~~ uggggggh *incoherent noises* faster baby mmmm faster.

BM: Yea mmm you're taking it so well. You're such a good slutty princess. Now I want to hear you scream my name.

Kairi: MATTHEW~~~~~

BM: Louder princess

Kairi: MATTHEW~~~~~

BM: Mmmm that's it baby just like that.

BM pulls out and flips Kairi into missionary. Before Kairi can catch their breath, BM puts their legs on his shoulders Stroking harder and faster than before, while he watches as  Kairi’s eyes roll back and their soul leaves their body. His dick poking through their guts. BM grabs their neck gripping it firmly, choking them out. 

BM: That’s it, mama. Fuck you look so good making those faces

Kairi: Mmmmm ahhhh haaaa fuck daddy you feel so good don't stop.

BM: Beg for it, baby

Kairi: Mmmm pleaseee Daddy don't stop. I cum in me. *huff huff* Fill me up mmm I beg

BM:  *moans* Say you’re Daddy’s slut 

Kairi: I’m Daddy’s slut.

BM: Whose pussy does this belong to?

Kairi: You!~

BM: Who?

Kairi: YOU DADDY YOU!

They cum at the same time letting out moans of heavenly bliss. BM falls on top of Kairi breathing heavily drenched in sweat and cum. Kairi's entire body shook from pleasure. They kiss softly BM caressing Kairi’s beautiful face. He gets off top of them grabbing the towel from earlier whipping their body down caringly, like he’s polishing a piece of art. He lays back down cuddling them, wrapping them in his arms. 

BM: That was amazing 

Kairi: it was. I can't feel my body at all.

BM: Me neither. 

Kairi: I was not expecting this at all.

BM: Me neither. I’d be a fool to let you slip through my fingers  *kisses them on the forehead*

Kairi: What are you implying

BM: I wanna get to know you more.

Kairi: I think that would be amazing.

They share a kiss, falling asleep blissfully, wrapped in each other's arms feeling a sense of comfort and warmth. 

[thegreatpapaya666]

my list of 2024 vocal stims (so far) (the majority are songs or raps)

sprunki sprunki sprunki // get funky funky funky

balances work with his wife's underwhelming cooking

womp womp

apple bottom jeans // boots with the jeans // got the whole club looking at jeans // she hit the jeans // next thing you jeans // shawty got jeans jeans jeans jeans jeans jeans jeans jeans

disrespect disrespect silly silly silly silly disrespect

after the battle masterless cattle // overlords hanging by a thread // with a bit of bravado // maybe tomorrow we'll be atop the heap while the rest of hell's pissing // alastor's missing // fled with his tail between his legs // nature abhors a power vacuum // it leaves room for you and me // the future of hell belongs to the vees

top of the hour and we're discussing a certain has been // who has been spotted cavorting around town // after a seven year absence // did anybody miss him // did anybody notice // more on tonight's program // so the radio demon is back in town // why is he hanging around // what does that mean for your family // well handily ive got good news // he's a loser a fossil and I don't mean to sound hostile // but the demon is a coward // you can take that as gospel pulling my viewers impossible // I'm visual he's barely audible // stop giving him the time of day // don't listen to a word he'd say // I hope he had a nice vacay // but he should've stayed away

jaws the shark // lurking in the dark of the depths of sea one day on a lark // decides to get rowdy get real violent // takes a vacay up to amity island

word party // the party's just begun // there's a word for what we're gonna have // and that word is fun

jaws is here // here is jaws // he is a shark without a cause // he was in a movie you should watch it it's called jaws // jaws is here // here is jaws // he is a shark who fights the law // he was in a movie that everyone saw

but oh my shit // jaws jumps out and quint gets bit // right in half like a kitkat bar // up in the sky there's a shooting star // that's quint up in heaven hes a star now

lets pick it up now // i don't care that you're a stoner // red wine supernova fall right into me

*perry the platypus teeth chattering*

h-o-t-t-o-g-o // you can take me hot to go

yoinks-a-doinks

two trucks having sex // two trucks having sex

bill nye makes out with guys

i was chosen for the constitutional convention! :D

we got the music makes you move it // got the song that makes you lose it // we say jump you say how high // put your hands up to the sky

malfoy. *draco* malfoy ;)

i think I just meant my dad in 1985 // my dad in 1985 // my father 1985 // my dad 1985 // scott burnham 1985 // i wanna be my dad // i wanna be my dad in the 80s

i contend that your drinking eye has never opened // i insist somebody will die and i hate hoping // wishing that the pills let you cry and i hate coping // someday i will go back outside and see her okay

[sessakag]

Please tell me you're writing today, lol You gotta be! What you listening to right now? Lyrics please

How you know that 😂? I feel like I know who this is, and just so you know, you a mess 😂😂😂 I'm nearly done with this chapter (I think) but I'm listening to Cold Turkey by $uicideboy$ and Pouya

Hot boy, BG (BG) That's the way these young niggas eat (eat) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep)

Every night I'm drinking on syrup can't sleep Hi-Tech, promethazine, real cheap Codeine got me on the low in the creep Smoked out, riding with Uzi in the jeep Buffet Boys with the $uicide, know that we druggin Look at my face, bitch, I'm numb, can't feel nothing Stealing they place and it got y'all all bugging You won't say no names but who else you see bussing Just me and my cousin, stay busting and cutting These motherfuckers only nutting and puffing Lets see how it's jumping When we up in public, don't bring out the old me cause Then I'll start dumping, the blood will start gushing All because of your fronting 51-50, bitch, I don't do bluffing

H-h-h-hot boy, BG (BG) That's the way these young niggas eat (eat) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Hot boy, BG (BG) That's the way these young niggas eat (eat) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep)

Before I hit the blunt I gotta pop a couple Oxy's Cherry flavor coke i flip the cap and now im sloppy Copycat motherfucker lookin like a pussy I will fuck you up boy and your squad won't stop me Call me a snake in the wrong habitat Give me a name I will swallow the rat whole Cold like the fucking polar icecaps In a black cadillac killing myself in the back Gaudy pack shawty smokin' blasts Toting bags full of masks Pop a tag off the motherfucking body bag Oddy have a problem prolly never gonna solve em Spotted cat looking like a fallen angel with no halo Fuck boy funeral bitch I may go captain insane-o Side bitch and my enemy is the same hoe

Driking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Hot boy, BG (BG) That's the way these young niggas eat (eat) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Hot boy, BG (BG) That's the way these young niggas eat (eat) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep) Drinking on syrup can't sleep (can't sleep)

Yuh Yuh Exuberant lunatics hop out the whip Like Yung Thug and get through with it I dated your momma, sedated your father Then threw his body to the ocean he sank to the bottom I ain't Lil' Scrappy but baby you don't want no problems Who is that in the back of the Cadillac with the Mac Cocked back ready to bang into his own brain Triple $ be the set don't disrespect me Got 100 more hoes just from this EP 1 shell to your back you a ninja turtle Put your whole dead body in a fucking hurdle I don't want to but if I have to I will hurt you And if my lil' ass can't do it myself my lil' homie will murk you Your girl is my bitch I know you smell the perfume, yuh

[milliumizoomi]

๛ 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃 𝐍' 𝐎𝐔𝐓 : 𝐏𝐈𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐃𝐈𝐄 // @ccxiia

๛𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐃 : VARIOUS CHARACTERS FROM TOKYO REVENGERS

๛𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄 : Straight Crack

๛𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : people being brutally violated + cursing & cringe literally these rhymes are something alright🚶🏽‍♀️

EVENT MASTERLIST

REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED.

Mikey: “ALRIGHT YALL! Next up we got pie or die! Against the red team and the black team so we ready?!”

The crowd started cheering and getting hyped.

Izana: “But before we get started we gotta get the rest of our teams back out here! So first, we welcoming back the black squad!!”

The black squad came jogging out grinning and waving their hands while the crowd cheered.

Izana: “Alright and then we gone welcome the red squad!”

Red squad came out doing the same things black squad did.

Shouts of cheers came from the crowd.

Mikey: “Alright black and red squads yall step up ‘cause it time or what?!”

“PIE OR DIE!!” The crowd yelled.

Mikey: “Alright so up first is the red team”

The beat started playing and the first to come out from the red squad was Rindou.

Emma, Hina and Yuzuha were the Wild N Out girls for the game.

Izana: “Yo but again before we start let’s give it up for our Wild N Out girls”

The crowd started clapping and whooed for the girls as they smiled and waved.

The beat started playing and the crowd clapped with it as Rindou came out.

DJ: “Your word is Perpetuate”

Rindou: “Alright per— bitch what?"

The dj laughed. “That’s your word”

Rindou shook his head.

Rindou: “Alright.. whatever ok alright ok listen I’m spending all this cash blowing it over the place, fucking bitches, throwing bands it’s just for my sake, baby mama rolling up and she gon’ seal my fate, it got me thinking real hard not to perpetuate”

The dj shook his head in agreement.

*DING*

Cheers and claps was heard from the crowded as Rindou smiled cockily and walked off.

Mitsuya was up next from to the black squad.

DJ: “Alright your word is surpass”

Mitsuya: “Surpass? ok look creating frustration no patience cause you to hit the gas, shoving and loving out in public could be a double blast, shawty up on there on the table and she shaking ass, I just know what I’m gonna do and who I’m gon’ surpass”

*DING*

Mitsuya: “See now who told y’all I wasn’t good at this cause I heard one of y’all in the back—“

Baji: “MITSUYA GET YOUR ASS BACK OVER HERE!”

Next up from the red squad was Kakucho.

DJ: “Your word is solution”

Kakucho: “Ok, look my dog Izana he making— ah FUCK!”

*BUZZER*

Kakucho: “Just get it over with”

Emma smashed a pie in Kaku’s face. The crowd and cast started laughing.

Next up from black squad was Angry.

Smiley: “YOU GOT THIS BRO!”

DJ: “Your word is presume”

Angry: “Repping black squad we out we flying yeah come meet your doom, with my brother and he laughing like a looney tune, evil twins in the streets and we going boom, We going up and it ain’t nothing like they presume”

*DING*

Next up was Shion from red squad.

DJ: “Your word is spectate”

Shion: “..really? fuck im supposed to do with spectate?”

DJ: “Ion know but you better figure it out”

Que the laughter.

Shion: “Man shut—“

*BUZZER*

Que MORE laughter.

Shion: BRUH WHAT I AINT EVEN DO NOTHING THO!”

Mikey: “THEN HURRY UP!”

Shion: “NAH CUZ YALL BETTER STOP LAUGHING ESPECIALLY YOU IN THAT LOWCUT FUCKING SHIRT LOOKING FRESH OFF THE SET OF PIMP DADDY FUCK OUTTA HERE”

Izana just walked up and took a pie from Hina and just smashed it in Shion’s face.

Izana: “Man shut up and get your ass back over here.” Everybody started laughing at them

Next from the black squad was Baji.

DJ: “Your word is Ambidextrous

Baji: “Can you give me another word?”

DJ: “Nah you better try find sumn”

Baji: “You know what fine, Ok yeah check it. Bitch I’m dyslexic, can’t even write a sentence, and I though it should be mentioned, What the ACTUAL FUCK is AMPEDESTRIUSICUS”

*BUZZER*

And now everybody hollering.

Izana: “Yall remember that the point of this is to NOT get pied right” he laughed

Chifuyu: “BAJI WHAT THE HELL YOU AINT EVEN SAY THE WORD RIGHT!”

And Baji proceeded to have pie in his face and hair.

Red squad next person was Ran.

DJ: “Alright so your word is systematic”

Ran: “I’m convinced you put here trying to make us look dumb but ight I gotchu”

Ran: “alright alright look we the kings of RNG is swear it’s diplomatic, all these gangs left and right, they nosy that’s their habit, and all these goons around I swear they so problematic, threw us up jail yeah that shit was systematic

*DING*

The next person to go from the red squad was Peh- yah.

The DJ laughed looking at the card.

DJ: “Alright damn haha uhh your word is Antidisestablishmentarianism”

Everybody started busting out laughing and peh just took the pie from Emma and smashed it on his face and walks off.

*DING DING DING DING DING DING DING*

Mikey: “Alright Dj who won”

DJ: “Ima have to give that one to the black squad make some noise for the black squad yall!!”

The crowd started cheering and clapping.

Izana: That’s a wrap for pie or die yall DJ take us out!!”

Cheers were heard as the light dimmed.

©Property of Milliumizoomi. Please don’t rectify, repost or modify without my permission. Plagiarism will NOT be tolerated.

Taglist: @develith @keiwaizumi @unfazedrose @kiribis-confesion-page @darylthekidd @gm4176 @blackweebtrash @erensbbg @shamwizzy @kloudyisdepressed @namjoonswifeyy @cosmiclvsh @bakuhoes-bxtch @morosis-haze @dukina @antagonixxt @dat-black-bish323 @izvana @temsm @kloesklarity @aizawash0e @Plxnetjeezy @sukunasbabymama @royalelusts @denkisbaby1 @beezebub @revengingvixen @myhoodacademia @xseogar @manjirotears @we-simp-here @neqtzs @chopp4hehe @mikasacumslut @ccxiia @micahgalore @forwardpair @sageth3w0rld (Open ! click here to be added!)

[writingtheafterglow]

Bad To You

Pairing: Arvin Russell x Reader

Warning: angst, fluff, making out, neck kisses (idk if that needs a warning but ok)

Summary: You have a love-hate relationship with a boy at your school. He seems to only act nice to you when you're mad at him. You can't tell if you want to punch or kiss him.

A/N: Sup Shawty! So I have been listening to the Charlie's Angels soundtrack and got inspiration from the song Bad To You. Hope you like it. Enjoy!

--------------------------🦋--------------------------

"Come on darlin you know you love me" he says with a cocky grin on his face. He then placed his arm around the back of your chair.

"No I don't wanna know why?" Before he could answer you cut him off. "Because you aren't cooperating. I'm trying to help you since you asked for me to tutor you." You say folding your arms across your chest. For the past hour he has been messing around while you have been trying to help him with math.

"I'm sorry darlin I'll stop" he says rubbing your shoulder. This was a daily occurrence. Arvin would tease you or play around making you mad which leads to you yelling at him. Then he'll apologize and hug you like he wasn't just being a idiot. Your not gonna lie you started to like him a little bit, but he still annoyed the heck out of you. You just pushed those thoughts out of your head.

"Thank you now lets finish please" you said picking up your pen to finish working.

"You got it" he says getting to work as well.

As you guys started actually working Arvin would constantly look at you. You thought nothing of it. Once you were finished Arvin drove you home. He always did this because he didn't want you walking home alone at night. He made sure to make one final, stupid, comment before you walkies in your house.

The next day you arrive at school and go to your locker. You see someone standing by it. It was Gene Dinwoodie, he was one of the schools most known bullies. He would always try to hit on you and get you to go out with him. Obviously you declined who would wanna go out with that. God what did he want with you now.

"Hey Princess" he says with a smirk as you walk over to your locker.

"Gene I need to get to my locker, so please move" you say trying to sound confident but it came out a little shaky.

"Not until you agree to go out with me" he says walking closer to you.

"Gene I've already said no" you say griping onto your bag tighter.

"Well I think you were just playing, I mean come on you can't say no to me" he says caressing your arm.

"Gene I said-" you were about to finish but then someone cut you off.

"She said no Dinwoodie" Arvin said walking up to Gene. He looked about ready to hit him.

"Arvin just leave it come on" you said trying to pull Arvin away.

"No! Listen don't talk to her again, she doesn't like you and she never will. No one is ever gonna like you." He says balling his hand up into a fist.

"Arvin let's go" you say still trying to pull him away. He looked at you then nodded. He was ok until Gene had to say something.

"Fine Arvin you can have her, I never wanted that slut anyway" he said turning around and walking. Arvin stops in his tracks. He lets go of your hand and starts walking towards Gene.

"Arvin!" You yell trying to stop him.

Arvin made it to Gene and punched the back of his head causing him to fall down. He then gets on top of him and starts punching him. Gene punches back, of course, and gets Arvin on the ground. Now Arvin is getting punched. He stops punching him and stands up.

Gene walks away with a smirk. You walk over to Arvin and help him up.

"I told you to leave it" you say grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the front of the school.

"I was going to, but when he called you a slut I just lost it." He says rolling his eyes

"Well how did that turn out for you" you say turning around to look at him before you start walking again.

You guys get out side and you pull him over to a picnic table by the doors. You sit him down then pull out a cloth from your bag. You cup his chin with your hand forcing him to look up at you. You wipe a little bit of blood off his nose and then grab his hands. His knuckles were a little bloody so you wiped them to. You then softly smack the top of his head.

"Hey! What was that for" he says smiling a little.

"I told you to walk away, but you didn't and look what happened" you say in a serious tone.

"Look I'm sorry Y/N I just didn't want him to treat you like that" he grabs your hips and start rubbing circles with his thumbs.

"Arvin I could have handled it" you say letting your hand fall onto his shoulders.

"Didn't look like it" he says pulling you closer.

"Arvin! I just don't want you to get hurt like you just did! You don't-" you were about to finish when he pulled you into his lap. Your eyes widened a little.

"Is this ok" he says moving his hands to the small of your back, rubbing it up and down.

"Arvin were in front of school" you say seriously. He just smirks and leans closer to your face.

"Don't care" he says coming even closer.

"Arvin-" you were cut off by Arvin's lips on yours. Your lips moved in sync. It was a passionate kiss. When it started to get heated you pulled away. Arvin pouted a little.

"Why is it that you choose to be sweet when I'm yelling at you or mad at you" you say. It was true, Everytime you got mad at him that was his time to act all cute and sweet.

"Cause your really hot when you yell at me" he says going in for another kiss only for your hand to stop him. He pouted again pulling you even closer by your waist.

"You know you can't just do that right?" You try getting up but he has a firm grip on you.

"Fine. Do you wanna be my girlfriend" he asks looking you in the eyes. He was serious you could tell. You did like him but what if he only treats you good when your bad to him?

"Arvin I don't know..." You looked down. He cups your chin with his hand and pulls you in. This kiss was soft, definitely not as heated as the first. It was kinda like his apology for being an idiot.

"I promise I'll stop being an asshole" he says chuckling at the last part.

"First watch your mouth, Second.........I guess I'll be your girlfriend"

"Yay!" He says like a little kid before kissing you again. It was a quick peck, but then he kissed your cheek, nose, jaw, then your neck. You giggle as he does all of this.

"Arvin, stop" you say laughing while he lays kisses all over your neck.

"But. Your. My. Girl. I. Thought. I. Was. Allowed. To. Kiss. You" he says between kisses.

"I am but once again we're in front of a school" he smiles a little into your neck.

He then stops only to pick you up and start walking towards his truck. He puts you in then goes to the other side.

"There now we're not so...." He kisses you on the lips this time. The kiss quickly turns heated but you pull away before anything can happen.

"Uh Arvin....I don't want to.......you know......it's just I want to wait-" he cups your cheek and looks into your eyes.

"It's ok darlin, we don't have to do anything, I don't want to pressure you. I also don't want you to think I'm with you just for sex, cause I'm not." He then kisses your forehead. You smile rubbing his shoulder.

"Thank you Arvin" you smile going up to kiss his cheek.

Arvin then drives you home and you guys hang out for the rest of the day.

--------------------------🦋--------------------------

It's been two days since you and Arvin got together. He has treated you like the only girl in the world. Last night he left your house early because he had to 'take care of something' you didn't question him though.

You were standing at your locker when all of the sudden you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist.

"Morning Darlin" Arvin says kissing your neck. You turn around to look at your boyfriend. As soon as you turn around you see cuts all on his face.

"Arvin what happened" you say running your fingers along the cuts.

"Ok don't be mad at me but......let's just say I made sure Dinwoodie never bothers you again" he says pulling you closer.

"Arvin!" You hit his chest and he giggles.

"What I can't have anyone touching my girl....other than me" he says going down and kissing you.

"God Arvin you are such an idiot" you say pulling away. He frowns a little but you put your hand on his cheek.

"But you my idiot" he them smiles and kisses your forehead. He lets go of your waist then grabs your hand. You guys walk to the front of the school. He sits down at the picnic table and pulls you onto his lap.

"This again" you say rolling your eyes.

"Yes I like sitting like this" he says kissing your cheek.

"Ok, ok" you say resting your head in his shoulder. He just rubs his hand up and down your back.

Arvin may be and idiot sometimes but you love him for it. He has a soft spot for you and he knows it. From the beginning he knew he liked you, and that's why he was only good to you when you were bad to him, because he wanted your attention.

(A/N: this was kinda bad but I'm still gonna post it cause I haven't posted in a while so 😗✌️)

━

©️ spideymix 2021

[slowpoke-fics]

Lust

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Sam x Reader

Request Summary: something goes wrong and while the boys are on a hunt, a witch casts a spell on her so when they come back, sam is confused on how she’s acting and then realizes that there’s a lust curse on her. he has to get her through that while every touch is magnified.

Warnings: witch, hex? curse? voodoo?, smut, fingering, sam a little ooc, I know I missed some so as always read at your own risk.

A/N: I reread this a few times and I think I really like it, I hope you do too shawty cause I did change it up a bit. @sizekinkshawty I am so sorry for the long wait, I really thank you for being patient.

Your skin was on fire as Sam touched your shoulder, a gasp left your mouth at his touch, not missed by Sam who thinks about making you gasp like that under him. You also had the thought of being bent over the kitchen counter, gasping as he pushed into you, filling you with his-"Y/N? You with us?" You shook your head, nervously laughing, "Oh yeah, sorry, just in my thoughts. How was the hunt?" Dean and Sam slung their bags down, watching as you circled the counter to make your way to the refrigerator. "Pretty simple witch hunt, told you it'd be okay if you stayed here." You smiled at Sam, loving that he wouldn't take no for an answer when he knew you needed to rest after the vamp hunt last week.

"Good, I've got the chicken salad already made, Dean I'm starting burgers now, probably have time for a shower." Dean smiled at you, quickly running to you and grabbing both sides of your face, forcing your head to move as he needed to kiss your cheeks. You giggled a little bit, loving on your best friend by ruffling his hair before he turned to bee line to the shower. Sam had already pulled the salad from the fridge, taking his spot in front of you after pulling out two bowls, filling yours and his up. You admired the way he would always sit with you when you were doing something and he wasn't busy.

You took a good look at him. He was smiling as he scooped out the mixture of vegetables, eyes intently staring at the tongs, making sure not to drop any as he shakes the tongs to drop any loose pieces. Your attention is drawn to his hands as he shakes, his fingers loosely grasping the utensil, veins bulging on the back of his hands, tracing his arms, all the way up to his ruffled sleeve. The red and black flannel fabric strained around his large muscles, up until his shoulder, where the collar of his shirt settled out neatly. Your eyes traced down, his flannel unbuttoned twice, showing you a touch more skin than usual.

You wanted to touch him, unbutton his shirt to show are of his shiny skin, wanted to be lifted up- "Y/n, are you okay? You're spacing a bit." You smiled at him, your eyes back on his, realizing you had no idea what he'd said moments ago. "Oh, yeah, my minds just somewhere else." Sam rested his chin in the palm of his hand, smiling-or smirking-you aren't sure. "Where's it at then?" You blushed, turning back to the burgers, mumbling under your breath, "Somewhere intertwined with yours, I reckon," Sam wasn't sure he heard you correctly, and he didn't want to overstep, so he repeated what'd he'd originally said, "So, this witch had been heartbroken-" you listened to him as you flipped the burgers, still thinking about how big he would be inside of you, rubbing your legs together for some friction.

Sam studied you, watching as you bounced back and forth, not sure what was really going on and not liking being in the dark. "Y/n," his voice a lower monotone, sliding down to your core as if it was his tongue, you groaned at him, a blush rising to your face, "I'm listening, I swear." You heard Sam set something down, "Look at me." You don't know why, but you turned back around, something about that tone of voice calling to you just took control. "What is going on?" he spoke softly, and before you could open your mouth he added, "And do not lie to me." You sighed, "It's personal Sam," you gave a half smile, "it'll be okay." Sams facial features were leaking concern, and you hated that, but you just don't know if Sam feels the same way for you so they're no point in asking for some help when you're feeling this way.

"You tell me everything, I even know more than Dean, and that's saying something, you guys are attached at the hip." You laughed at him, "It's embarrass-" he interrupted you, "Don't care." You sighed, "I'm just really feeling it today ya know?" Sam looked at you puzzled, trying to put the pieces together. You laughed nervously, "I'm horny Sam." His eyes went wide and he stifled a laugh. "Oh!' another stifled giggle, "Uh- wanna talk about it?" A deep blush rose to your face, "I don't think so," you boldly winked at him turning your eyes back to the burgers and thoughts back to how good Sam would feel.

Sam was watching you, before hearing someone calling to him. "Sam?" He looked to you, who seemed unbothered by the noise. "Sam," a touch on his shoulder and he jumped out of his seat, you turned around quickly, Sam looking directly in front of him. "Sam? What's wrong?" You looked around, not seeing any red flags. Sam looked at you, "Yeah, it's all good, I just remembered there might be food in my room from before the hunt." An obvious lie, you thought, but you didn't push it.

Sam arrived in his room, staring at the witch he had met just days ago. "Listen, I told you to never be noticed again. This isn't exactly unnoticeable." The woman laughed, the pit in Sam's stomach grew. "Relax, I mean you no harm. I told you I wasn't affiliated with that woman, we just happened to practice in the same town." Sam was still on guard, "Get to the point." The witch beamed, "I cast a spell on you," Sams eyes widened, the witch spoke instantly, "I told you, relax! I cast a harmless 24 hour spell, it activates whenever you make psychical contact with your soulmate. Once activated, 24 hours later, all will be well and normal, and you'll know for sure. Your soulmate will only be affected by you, any other contact will be perfectly normal."

Sam was struck by an whirlwind of emotions, completely taken aback, not sure what to say. "How? How is that even possible?" The witched smiled, "Oh Winchester, I was not the only passive witch you didn't wrap up, I had lots of help." Sam looked at her for more answers, "Oh come on, please don't make me ruin the fun!!" Sam glared at her, "How do I know this is even true?" She sighed, starting to get annoyed, "It's kind of like voodoo, but calling to your souls," she touched Sam's cheek, "I could sense your pain hiding away from not having her, I just wanted you to know it's true. Blessed be to you Sam Winchester, you know where to find me if it doesn't end well." Like that she was gone. Sam thought for a minute on how to proceed, what was the answer here?

He walked back into the kitchen, stopping dead in his tracks when his eyes landed on you. The hamburgers were sitting on the table, you were leaned back on the counter, eyes closed, head tilted back exposing your neck, Sam wondering the sounds it would elicit to kiss you there. His eyes trailed down, tracing your arm to your hand which was furiously moving against your clit, your hips rocking forward into your hand, "Sam," you whimpered. The whole world changed for him at that moment, his eyes filled with lust, heavy footsteps as he continued to watch your shaking form walking to you. His left hand came to the right side of your face, thumb tracing your cheek softly, your eyes fluttered open, "Sam."

He smiled, lips coming just an inch from yours, his other hand now tangled in your hair, "I'm here baby, I'm here." Your lips crashed into his, his grip in your hair tightened when you nibbled his bottom lip, you moaned at the pain, loving him being all over you. You started to pull your hand out of your shorts, but Sam jerked his hand from your face, holding your wrist in place, his right hand roughly jerking your head back. "I didn't say to stop, do you understand?" You gasped, "I'm sorry, sir." You kept rubbing your clit as Sam moved to your neck, peppering kisses and bites all over you, careful to not leave marks. "That's a good girl."

"Tell me what your thinking about," his hand sliding in the waistband of your shorts, grasping your ass and gently massaging it. "Thinking about your cock pounding me," your breath was heavy, you were so close, "thinking about how I'd do anything you want if you'd fuck me. Wanna be so full of you." Sam smiled, biting your lip, "I'm gonna touch you now, is that okay?"

"Please, Sam," with that he spun you around, your back against his chest, his hand sliding past yours as you continued to rub your clit. His fingers slid into you, stretching you as you moaned, "Oh god, Sam, harder." Sam's other hand came up around your throat, squeezing so you could barely breathe, "Oh, my pathetic little whore, haven't even had my cock yet and you're begging." You gasped for air, your core heating up as Sam moved his fingers deep inside of your, hard and fast, hitting the perfect spot of and over, "yours." Sam loosened his grip on your throat, allow you to speak, "your whore, just yours," Sam's grip tightened slightly, giving you more air than before, your free hand sliding up your torso to gently pull at your nipple, "please, I want to come Sir."

"You wanna come for me?" You moaned, hips jerking out of need, feeling his hard member through your shorts, pressing into your ass. "Better hurry little girl, don't want Dean to see what a wanton little slut you are." He forced your head to look at him, he pressed his lips back into yours as he slipped another finger in you, causing you to cry out, "come on baby," giving you a soft kiss, "I know you wanna be good, show me how good you are." With that, you come, legs shaking, unable to catch your breath as Sam gently lets go of your neck, his hand sliding down to your stomach holding you in place while he gently continued to finger you, letting you ride it out. After a minute of him peppering kisses on your neck, he slowly pulled his fingers out of you, causing you to cry out. "Good girl," he locked eyes with you and he sucked your juices off his hands, "taste so good." You blushed, clearing your throat and starting to move quickly as you heard Dean coming down the hallway.

You quickly washed your hands before Sam, gutting plates out as Dean walked in and Sam washed his hands. You smiled brightly at him. "Glad you finally got off your ass and helped Y/n with dinner Sam," Dean picked as he sat down waiting for a plate. You laughed, "Stop nit picking, it was nice of him," you turned and winked at him, out of Dean's view. You and Sam sat down, not being able to take your eyes off of each other, and only half participating in Deans' conversation as you ate.

After you finished eating, you started to pick your plate up but Dean stopped you, "I got clean up, you made us dinner." You smiled, appreciating him you praised, "Thank you, I think it's time for me to head to bed anyway." You kissed Deans' cheek as he gladly stuck his cheek out to you, knowing your habits, then you turned to Sam doing the same but whispering just under Deans' earshot, "Find me when you want, I reckon we have things to discuss."

You trotted to your room, anxiety filling your body, but once in the safety of your room, you realized that Sam agreed that you're his. You started to get more confident, knowing how you'd felt about him for awhile now, you wondered if you were both too pussy and know you would be together and dare you say-in love?

Yes, you thought, I think so.

[moonbeam-writing]

hey shawty could you write a karma x reader (she/her) angst to comfort where the reader has a crush on karma and she gets insecure cuz she sees him talking to okuda a lot and karma sees the reader talking to nagisa a lot and gets insecure but they make up in the end ty <3!!!

— Insecurities

๑ Requested by a lovely Anon! ♡

๑ Characters: Karma Akabane (Assassination Classroom)

๑ Quick Note: I'm so sorry that this took as long as it did to be posted! And that it can actually read rather platonically! I didn't mean for that to happen, however, I really hope you enjoy it! ♡

๑ Warnings: Slight angst and mentions of insecurity!

๑ Word Count: 1,180!

—

    (Y/N) sighed softly as she looked towards the front of the classroom. As much as she would have preferred to be passive about what she was seeing, (Y/N) couldn’t deny how badly it hurt her. 

        Since the first day she laid her eyes on Karma Akabane, and even more when his suspension ended, (Y/N) had found herself head over heels. The two weren't quite thick as thieves, however, they found themselves close enough for others to see them as best friends. That fact alone made seeing Karma and Okuda talking even harder.

    (Y/N) felt terrible about it, too. Okuda was easily one of the sweetest people she had ever met, and on top of that, one of the smartest. Most days, even in (Y/N)'s finest moments, (Y/N) compared herself to the girl Karma was occupying himself with. The envy that she felt flood through her veins on what was becoming a regular basis made her feel sick. 

    Luckily for her, (Y/N) felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her from her thoughts. 

    "Hey, (Y/N)." The voice and hand belonged to Nagisa who was looking at her with obvious worry in his eyes. "Do you wanna go talk?"

        Shakily, or rather distractedly, (Y/N) nodded, letting Nagisa guide her out into the hall. 

        From where he was talking with Okuda, Karma watched the two go out into the hall, curiosity immediately making an appearance. What could (Y/N) and Nagisa have to talk about? Why did (Y/N) look all bummed out? He just didn't get it. What could those two have to talk about that they couldn't tell him?

    Thinking back on it, (Y/N) and Nagisa have been talking a lot more on their own recently. It had been happening more the last two weeks, yet this seemed different. Karma decided he would dig more into it in a minute. Right now he needed to pick Okuda's brain for his next assassination attempt. 

         Out in the hall, (Y/N) was sitting next to Nagisa on the floor, close to ripping her hair out.

    "I just don't get it!" She exclaimed, letting her head hit the wall behind her. "Like, she's so wonderful in every way, Karma deserves something like that, so why does it hurt so bad?"

    "Because you have feelings for him." Nagisa calmly responds. "(Y/N), this is normal for people in your situation. You can't keep beating yourself up for something like this."

 The girl just frowned and leaned her head against his shoulder. Nagisa was right, and even if it was deep down, (Y/N) knew it. She didn't know if it made her situation easier or harder for herself, though. She still couldn't grasp how to deal with all of the envy she was feeling and she hated it. She just wanted it to stop. 

    The door then suddenly opened, pulled (Y/N) away from her negative thoughts. Looking up, she saw that it was Karma and slight dread started pooling into her stomach. How much did he hear?

         "Mind if I cut in?" Karma acted as he always did; casually and as though their lives weren't insane. Karma himself caused certain amounts of envy in (Y/N) as well. To (Y/N), there was just so much to admire in him. 

        "Not at all," Nagisa replied, feeling the sudden tension. After that, Nagisa left without a word and Karma took his place. 

             The two sat in an odd silence. As comfortable as they were around each other, something was off. Karma knew something was wrong with (Y/N) and (Y/N) couldn't help but feel like she was in trouble. 

             "Are you doing okay, (Y/N)?" Karma's question took her by mild surprise. 

             "Hm? Of course I am." (Y/N) made the feeble attempt of playing dumb, but immediately knew that Karma wasn't that dumb. Never has been, and honestly, she wasn't sure why she tried. 

             (Y/N) had always known him well. Too observant for his own good, in her opinion. And while both things were true, he was also rather attentive to people's feelings. Granted, Karma usually used it for manipulation purposes, it usually came in handy for those who he cared about. (Y/N), whether she knew it or not, was one of those people. 

             "Liar," if the situation were a bit different, Karma likely would have chuckled a bit, however, this was more serious. (Y/N) had seemed a bit down and out for a while now, but the last week or so have been concerning. "You've been off, and I want to know why."

             (Y/N) bit her lip slightly and looked down. Any hope she had had of avoiding this was now entirely down the drain. "I just…" She wasn't sure if it was shame or embarrassment, but finding the right words felt difficult. "Why do you hang around me?"

             Her voice was small and pitiful and if Karma were anyone else, he likely would have physically reacted to it. Instead, however, he continued to somewhat stoically sit there next to her. Though on the outside he looked unfazed, maybe even bored, his mind was spinning. 

             What could she possibly mean by that?

             Karma wasn't entirely sure where this was coming from, if it had been something he did, or something he had said, however, Karma knew he needed to help her.

             "Are you kidding?" He asked, his tone bordered on incredulous and amused, hoping to ease any panic and to lift the mood a little. "You're one of my best friends. There's literally no one I'd rather be around most of the time."

             Karma's response caused multiple reactions in his listener as well as himself. While (Y/N)'s curiosity almost immediately mingled with her current insecurities, Karma just wanted to laugh at himself. Most of the time? Who was he trying to fool? What came out as most of the time was really all the time.

             "Really?" The pause after Karma's response gave (Y/N) a moment to push past her thoughts. She had realized that if Karma didn't care about her, then he definitely wouldn't sit in the hallway with her, let alone have what felt to be a sappy conversation with her. 

             "Really, really." As soon as the words left his lips, (Y/N)'s relief at the reassurance took over and she immediately hugged him. 

             Karma wasn't exactly one for affection, so for the second time in a single school year, he felt his face flood with heat, his skin nearly matching his hair. Despite how foreign it had felt, the fact that (Y/N) was the one hugging him made everything seem normal. Not even normal, but correct, like there was no one else he'd want holding him. 

             This moment solidified any feelings the others had towards each other. Karma felt comfortable and (Y/N)'s insecurities felt like they were instantly melting. This was a turning point for both of them and more importantly, it was one they were content with. 

[zigtheeortega]

For the past six months, @pixeljazzy​ and I have been working on a playlist we felt could top last year’s, which was so well received! 

We’ve broken it up into sections by individual love interests, multiple love interests, main character, and miscellaneous, which includes side characters, general vibes, etc. Underneath each song are lyrics we believed stood out to us along with explanations as to why we chose it. Like last year, the [p] is for PJ and [j] is for Jade.

Here’s the link to the playlist on Spotify, but we’ve individually linked the songs with each explanation as well!

We sincerely hope you enjoy our 2021 RODAW Playlist! 

The Bay, Soft Glas. ft. Mulherin [j]

Leaving you alone is too hard (hard, hard) / I just never know where to start (with you)

I'm not used to leaving someone broken hearted / That might be what really makes this hard (It's hard) / I've never been with anyone this long / If I did it, I really miss you

The softness and apologetic tone of the song reminds me of Logan through and through. He’s so regretful for what he put MC through, both at the beginning when he was lying to her, and by the end when he thinks he’s ruined her life by simply being a criminal and dating her. And by leaving her he’s leaving the one person who’s loved him unconditionally and stuck with him through it all.

Call Me, Nav [j]

They taught me, "Don't forget where you came from" / I regret what I came from

Do you know how it feel to feel alone? / Bought myself a house, to feel like I ain't home / Driving by myself, ain't got nowhere to go / Are you really here for me, I don't know

I hope you mean everything that you told me / I'll try to come back to you, girl, I'm sorry / If you miss me, just call me

This song honestly reminded me of Logan’s backstory that we don’t know much of, besides the fact that he was thrust into a life of crime as a teen and as an adult he hates it. The other lyrics I added are kind of a glimpse into the future I think – wherever Logan is, whatever he’s doing, if he’s not with MC, the woman he loves, everything he accomplishes is gonna feel hollow. And despite him saying that he was leaving to protect her, I know in his heart he’d want her to find her way back to him.

Cold Case Love, Rihanna [p]

I’m torn apart and you know / What you did to me was a crime

We opened up a cold case love / And it got the best of us / And now prints, pictures, and white outlines / Are all that’s left at the scene of a crime / Of a cold case love

The first line reminded me of how MC probably felt after being betrayed by Logan, the one that was arguably supposed to be the closest to them, and then the second lyric is because at the time, MC left and that was the last Logan knew of them with nothing to stand for what they used to have until they eventually came back to help save the crew.

Compass, The Neighbourhood [j]

If I don't have you with me, I'm alone / You know I never know which way to go / I think I need you with me for all-time / When I need new direction for my mind

I've got something to confess / I keep you in my pocket to use / You're my only compass / I might get lost without you / (Could you tell me where to go?)

You're always there to help me when I'm down / I'm lucky you've been keeping me around / You're the star I look for every night / When it's dark, you'll stick right by my side

Like a magnet / Hard to imagine ever changing / Can't help that I'm attracted to you, I am / Could you keep on guiding me? Please

This is a quintessential Logan song – reading these lyrics, it’s like Logan spoke them himself to MC, and that’s why I included so much of the song. All of these remind me of him and his hopeless romanticism, but specifically the line about her being the star he looks for every night? Absolutely perfect. This entire song is like a love letter from Logan to MC.

Don’t Leave Me, Blackstreet [p]

I’m searching for the words to make you realize / That I really, really want you to stay

Don’t leave, don’t leave me girl

This song was giving me Logan vibes from the diamond scene where he’s like “I can’t believe I love someone” and MC is like “you don’t get to say that to me” or some shit like that because he’s trying soo so hard to explain himself to her and to make her not hate him.

Imma Dog, Ugly God ft. PnB Rock [j]

You say you love me, shawty, tell me why / 'Cause I'm a dog and I'ma probably be this way until I die / You say you always gon' be by my side / You say you trust me with your heart and I swear, I just wonder why

Okay, hear me out, I forreal have reasons for this to be tied to Logan. The only verse in this song that’s a non chorus one is related to cheating, but I’m choosing to ignore that for the sake of the chorus. I heard the chorus for the first time and it made me think of one specific moment and point in time in Ride or Die. These lyrics remind me of Logan’s attitude when he was being mean and pretending to be annoyed by MC to get her off of him – despite the facade he’s still in awe of the way she trusts him and cares about him even when he’s treating her like garbage.

Life’s a Mess, Juice WRLD ft. Halsey [p]

Uh, sometimes life’s a mess

Lookin’ for somethin’ real, then I found it

I’m too flawed to hold you down, but / Don’t wanna be here alone

Logan knows all too well how much of a mess life really is (first lyric), and the second lyric is basically what I think he feels about MC. He told MC in the beginning that he doesn’t really stay with crews or trust anyone but himself, but MC was that exception before the rest of the crew became that exception too. And then the third lyric is because Logan looks at himself as someone who probably doesn’t deserve MC, Vaughn even said he was morally obligated to tell MC that she’s too good for his cousin (yes it was a joke (was it) but it fits), but he still wants her anyway (“Look at you...then look at me. You’re going to be valedictorian. I never even went to high school...I don’t have anything, and I wasn’t anybody, and I knew that. I always knew that….Some part of me really wants you to mess things up for me.” - Logan, Ch. 3).

Unfair, 6lack [p]

Hope my mistakes don’t make me less of a man / ‘cause lately it feel like them shits really can / I’m prayin’ I don’t wake up all alone

But know I’m stuck between / What I love and who I love and / I know it’s unfair

The first lyric I feel like is pretty self-explanatory as Logan expresses remorse for his actions (him acting weird and tryna tell MC about his dishonesty in the club, him making the effort to apologize or explain in the diamond scene after the reveal) and it especially hits if your MC is romancing Logan because he doesn’t want to lose them. As for the second lyric, I was thinking about how he was probably stuck between doing what’s best for the crew and doing right by MC

While We’re Young, Jhene Aiko [j]

Baby while we're young / I think we should do something crazy / Like say, "Fuck everyone" / And just run away from the daily routine

I'm tellin' everybody you're mine and I like it / And I really hope you don't mind, I can't fight it

'Cause it's been another perfect day with ya / Wanna lay with ya / Spend the night with ya / Then spend my life with ya, alright

I'll go everywhere you go / You know I'll go, I'll go / Everywhere you go

I'm giving you my heart, please don't break it / Take it and lock it up and put me in your pocket, love

This reminds me of Logan and MC’s brand of romance that’s sweet and clumsy and a little bit reckless when it really gets going. They’re both cautious but they fantasize about throwing caution to the wind even more than they already have.

Angel With A Shotgun, The Cab [p]

I don’t care if heaven won’t take me back / I’ll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe

Sometimes to win, you have to sin

And I want to live, not just survive

Lemme explain because I feel like people may think this song is really really out there for Colt but I was listening to this song one day and thought of him, esp the last two lines I chose: I think of how Colt came up with the kidnapping plan and how it was so crazy because it was like wow he really was ready for murder if it came down to it, but Colt was basically like we need to do something big to outsmart them or else we’ll just be doing shit for them forever (‘sometimes to win, you have to sin’).

Born 2 Be Great, Lil Tjay [p]

I was born to be great / And I won’t let nobody tell me I ain’t / And I can’t stop, won’t stop

Growin’ up, I’m gettin’ old, start settin’ goals / Tryna make more money off my business and shows / And everybody gon’ hate, I’m great, I know / Everybody can hate, I’m great, I know

These lyrics just scream COLT to me all the way. He knows and believes he’s destined for greatness no matter what path he chooses because no matter what he does, he’s gonna succeed in the end. “I can’t stop, won’t stop” reminds me of how Kaneko wanted Colt to choose for himself what he wanted to do, and even though Kaneko tried to shield Colt away from the family business, that’s where Colt wanted to be. The second lyric is essentially Colt just knowing he’s gonna make money and that he won’t be liked (hated by other crews, police, etc.), but that won’t matter because he’s great nevertheless.

Chandelier, B.o.B ft. Lauriana Mae [p]

They say life’s about choices / In the face of defeat I declined / Put your soul into everything, never back down / That’s how you leave a legacy behind

Let my blood keep pumping, my heart keep beating / Shining like a chandelier

Making something out of absolutely nothing / That’s the definition of a survivor

Colt definitely felt ‘put your soul into everything, never back down / that’s how you leave a legacy behind’ because of how much he focuses on carrying on what his family has built, and taking all the risks necessary to keep that legacy alive and make a name for himself. I put ‘shining like a chandelier’ because that’s how bright Colt shines, as I believe he’s destined for greatness and wouldn’t allow himself to achieve anything but.

Down Bad, Real Recognize Rio [j]

I've been out of my head for a couple minutes, for a couple miles / Made the hair stand up on my neck / On a knife edge, comin' at me for my crimes / Got a mind that can leave you locked inside

'Cause you got me down bad, down bad, your deep desire / Carve my name on your soul, then I walk through the fire / Your voice so clear, like you say my name / You got mе runnin' for my life like this shit was a game / Got mе down bad, down bad to feel your touch

This song reminds me of Colt specifically during the gambling scene when he got shot and the last car chase scene, because MC is put in serious danger but it does nothing to shake her love for Colt. She’s scared for her life and her future but she’s still willing to put everything on the line for him and MPC.

Forever Ever, Trippie Redd ft. Young Thug [p]

You gon’ really have to hold me fuckin’ down, babe / ‘Cause I ain’t with the fuckery, that playing ‘round, babe

We Bonnie and Clyde but except the shots

He don’t love you like he should, I can love you better

First and second lyric are because they’re a team, and Colt sees MC as his right hand. In the life he lives, the people on his team gotta be down fr because there’s always a lot at stake. The last lyric is more conditional, as I feel like this could be him if MC was also romancing Logan because in the reveal, Colt’s like you deserved to know and in the car in the chapter afterwards that’s when he’s like bro we could run this whole shit etc. etc.

Impala, O2worldwide [j]

I been watching you from a distance / Sitting back and acknowledging your existence / I made a couple songs but you'll probably never listen / Shooting my shot but i'm always fucking missing / Setting my ego aside / Me and you can go together just like Bonnie and Clyde / I've been tripping over you just like my shoes is untied / And I tried to hit you up its like my confidence died but

I see you everyday but don't past corners of eyes / I'm just gonna act like I didn't see you close to that guy / Not gonna lie you got me head over ears / I'm tryna find love because I don't know just how it feels

Anyone listening to this and reading the lyrics is going to hate me because… is this the perfect “Colt pining for MC because she’s getting close to Logan” Love Triangle song, or what? I listen to this song so casually most of the time that I forget how sad the lyrics actually are. The first couple verses (not the third verse) fit the narrative so well. A lot of my favorite “Colt” songs aren’t ones where they’re outwardly admitting any kind of affection for MC – they’re the ones where it reads as Colt struggling with their feelings for MC and how to express them.

PTSD, G Herbo ft. Juice WRLD, Lil Uzi Vert, and Chance the Rapper [p]

I don’t belong, I see my past everywhere

I got a war zone on inside of my head

A million dollars ahead, I’m still angry and seeing red

I’m too paranoid, I make sure all my opps, they bled

This song always guts me because G Herbo is talking about all the people he’s lost, and for Colt, I imagined this was probably him after losing his father. Reminded of his past when he saw the remains of the shop, reminded of his past every time after that probably when he was rebuilding the shop. As for the million dollars, it’s like he could pull off as many heists as he could but he would never be satisfied until Brotherhood paid, hence the last lyric because honestly I don’t think it’s over until Shaw is dead (ik there’s a line in ROD where he’s like if we were even, he’d be dead, I just know it).

Sun God, Trippie Redd [j]

Went out my way just to love you / Right at the top, no above you / Right off the top, know I trust you / Ready or not, here I come, boo / And baby, you're hot, like the sun, too / Not too hot for me, no I'm sun-proof / Follow your lead, I'ma come through / Just you and me, baby, one-two

I think this is Colt way farther down the line if MC had the chance to really fall in love with him. He’s the type to value trust and loyalty in a bond more than anything else because he doesn’t do either of those easily at all. And I think that the line about being sun-proof is a cute callback to a lot of the fandom comparisons of Colt and Icarus – the title too and the lyrics just scream Colt to me.

Where Does The Love Go?, Maria Isabel [j]

Nightly negotiations with the moon, whoever's listening / All the miles between us got me messed up, got me trippin'

They say lovin' is easy / But not when one of us is leaving

Back on a plane / Two different coasts / When we're alone / Where does the love go? / What if you go / Forget the way home? / Running in circles but never together / So where does the love go?

The more I listen to this song the more I think this song is about Colt and MC. Colt’s not a clingy type in the slightest, but there’s no doubt in my mind that deeper into the relationship, both Colt and MC would have some doubts – the reason I say this is because I’m viewing the lyrics through the lens of Colt and MC doing long distance while MC is in college on the East Coast. This whole song is long distance relationship anxiety summed up perfectly and it’s so Colt.

Yellow Lights, 24kGoldn [p]

Don’t want no yellow light / don’t want no mixed message

For the crown, ‘cause we could achieve it

Love you now, but don’t you deceive me

Second lyric resonated with me esp because of that line in the book where he’s like “But the two of us? We put our brains together, you and me could run this whole town” so he knows he could achieve an empire with MC by his side. Last lyric is because Colt definitely doesn’t trust those around him and for those that he does trust, that trust doesn’t come easy. So MC, who managed to get past that, is loved, but would automatically lose a lot if she deceived him (now imagine….snitch MC? This line would hit a lot more because she ends up deceiving him so like he had a right to be wary of her holding his heart (like if we’re looking at the pov of him saying this lyric)).

Can’t Love, Trippie Redd [p]

She say she love me, I think she love me not / She say she love me, I know she love me not

How could you do this to me? / Yeah, yeah, I thought you, I thought you loved

Another Mona and her ex song teehee but I’m imagining this from Mona’s pov while she’s in jail like wow that girl never loved me like she said she loved me (first lyric) and how could she betray me like this (second lyric).

Favorite Mistake, Giveon [p]

Is my secret safe? / Safe with just you and me / We can’t leave a trace / This is my favorite mistake

Look in my eyes / Do you mind the lies? Do you feel alive?

Even when you’re gone / The feeling just grow stronger / Should leave it alone / But you’re getting closer

So I finally did a Mona route and GOD yes this song is about cheating (Mona and Hieron can’t relate) but we gon ignore that and just focus on these lyrics specifically because wow they really hit me like Mona for one was in denial of her feelings for MC from the jump and at some point she’s like god this is so ridiculous I can’t believe I’m feeling this way again so ofc she doesn’t want people to know she’s in love (like that time Toby is like man she is NOT happy about liking you! in the club scene) hence the beginning of the first lyric but at the same time….. she’s in love… so “this is my favorite mistake.” As for the second and third, the lies are that “I don’t like you” ra ra ra she’s only fooling herself and then it’s like yeah she knows her feelings are dumb but she can’t help but fall for MC anyway <3

Gonna Love Me, Teyana Taylor [p]

Sometimes we say things that we really don’t mean / We do things in between the lines

Please wait up for me ‘til whenever I get home / I know that you’re all alone / Thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through, ooh, ooh

Why is it so hard to keep in touch

For the first lyric, I was thinking of the time MC says “Being with you makes a difference to me. It feels safer” and Mona replies that “It’s just an illusion. A blanket. And I’ve told you before not to count on me.” Yeah she said that wit her chest but ik she knows it’s more than that for the both of them. The second and third lyric both have to do with her being in jail by the end of the book (making it literally hard to keep in touch), and even though she tells MC not to wait up, a part of me thinks the vulnerable part of Mona would’ve hoped at least a smidge that MC would, and the last bit ‘thinking ‘bout what you’re gon’ do / I hope that you see it through’ reminds me of the advice in the diamond scene of driving Mona to the hospital that she gave MC which was that to move on, you just gotta keep your foot on the gas and look forward and that eventually, she’ll be somewhere better than she’s ever been.

Love or Lust, 24kGoldn [p]

It’s love or it’s lust, we just need to be clear / ‘Cause if you’re in love, then I shouldn’t be here

Would you walk eight thousand miles just to make me smile on a rainy Wednesday? / If so, then you gots to go, it ain’t mutual and I’m not pretending

Basically in the beginning stages of MC falling for Mona, Mona’s like oh hell nah (“I shouldn’t be here”) and she recognizes that MC likes her a lotttt (MC would definitely walk eight thousand miles to make her smile on a rainy Wednesday) and so she’s like fuck

PLW, Leon Thomas [j]

Left my fear right at the door (ooh) / She's an animal hunting in the wild, yeah (in the wild) / Doesn't move around or groove / But she come from the depth / That's why she's down to earth / An instrument of war

Baby ain't no beginner / I got love for my little winner / Flashing or finessing / That's why I mess with her, yeah

And you don't have to worry, yeah / 'Cause I know what's she worth / No, you don't have to save me / From my pretty little weapon

Ooh my baby smart, and she sharp, and she sharp, yeah / Pretty little weapon

I’ll never ever get over how this song fell into my lap and is absolutely perfect for Mona. This is for an MC who acknowledges that Mona’s a badass and that she loves her because of her strong personality and unwavering confidence because she knows she’s good at her job. The first verse is the best approach an MC could take – leaving her fear at the door because she knows someone like Mona could sniff it out. The line “No, you don’t have to save me / From my pretty little weapon” kills me, because it’s accurate – on Mona’s route, despite any betrayal, the MC is still in love with her and knows that Mona would never actually hurt her.

Sleeping With the Enemy, BbyMutha & Kindora [j]

Creeping around corners / I don't feel like myself / Studying your movements / It's a carousel / And I can't confirm that you / Mean what you say / And I'm pretty sure / That it's / Better that way

Why can't I trust in you / Am I slipping up / Over you / If it really turned to be the way / That I think / How bad could it be?

And I know that we could go for / Round and round like 123 / And I gotta question myself / Is it coming? / Possibly / And I gotta wonder / Am I sleeping with the enemy?

I'm watching my back / Like I got nothing left / I give you all I got / Wish I knew what was next

The first time I heard this song it was a toss up between whether or not it was a Colt and Mona song (or both) but I settled on Mona pretty quickly after a re-listen. Not only is the internal conflict in the lyrics a perfect description of Mona’s own battle, but it could be easily viewed from MC’s perspective as well. The idea of knowing it’s “wrong”, and mistrusting them but pursuing it anyways is quintessential early Mona route.

The World is a Marble Heart, AJR [p]

We could have been, we should have been / What your heart couldn’t handle

Run away, girl, ‘cause I let you / Now you found some other man, you see / I’m better off without you, ‘cause the man ain’t me!

I’m going right now / To the beginning / What you denied from the start / And now you can’t go breaking my heart

The world is a marble heart / It’s bullshit and we know it

I think the first lyric is definitely MC to Mona because Mona was afraid to allow herself to be in love, and then evidently their relationship couldn’t blossom because Mona ends up arrested (“we could have been, we should have been”). This song called out to me because Mona always comments on how MC’s heart got them into the Brotherhood mess, how MC always think the crew is something they’re not, so MC’s heart is the marble heart and the last lyric (“it’s bullshit and we know it”) is essentially Mona being like girl you know we are not what you think we are. The second lyric is because in a scene after the reveal, Mona drives MC to Riya’s house and MC goes I wish we could run off together and Mona is like just say the word and MC is like I can’t :/// and then Mona is like the only one stopping you is you, and then “I’m better off without you” is Mona being don’t call don’t write don’t text

Would You, Pink Sweat$ [p]

Would you die for me? I would die for you / Would you shoot for me? I would kill for you / Would you run up the bag if I needed you to? / Girl, all the things that I’d do for you / Would you do for me too?

I wanna know when it pops off that you gon’ be right next to me

This was giving Mona and her ex from that scene where MC got a glimpse into Mona’s past. Essentially, Mona’s ex and her were thick as thieves, and when they got arrested, Mona didn’t say anything and her ex did, so Mona was always ten toes down but her ex never had her (Mona) like she (Mona) thought she (her ex) had her (Mona)

Both of Us, YFN Lucci [j]

Stay with me when there's no one else to call / If you got me then I'm in it for the both of us

Look, ayy, do you love me like you say you love me? / Ay, do you vow to keep it cute when everythin' get ugly? / Ay, if I ever leave, girl would you come lookin' for me?

I think that this song and these lyrics fit into the title of the book and how “ride or die” each of the love interests are for MC and vice versa. I think the softer parts of this song are MC for sure, and Logan at times, and the second bullet point is Colt and Mona. For them, it’s more of a promise of loyalty rather than love like the earlier lyric is (which is why I think that’s a bit more hopeless romantic like Logan).

C U Girl, Steve Lacy [j]

I haven't seen you in a while, you know I miss you babe / When you hear this song, feel flattered, it's about your face / And how I miss it and I wish that I could see it more / But you're in college now and I'm about to go on tour

I love this song because it makes me think of the possibility of MC and the LI having a “song” – one where any time they hear it they think of each other. And that when they hear it it makes them happy but at the same time they’re forced do think about the distance between them and how much they miss each other.

Collide, Tiana Major9 and Earthgang [j]

Everybody's got opinions on our thing / Say we're flying down a path with no ending / And if I die before I wake / Ooh, don't let me wake up from this dream / When we collide / When we collide, it's a beautiful disaster / When I crash into you, you, you

And I don't care about the future or the past / Riding slow, 'cause you know the world's moving too fast

Without you, I'm just a fraction / Closing in on my demise / And I love you religiously / With everything inside of me / As long as I'm alive

So I think it fits for all three because the relationship is taboo since they’re criminals and she’s a valedictorian getting ready for college. Their relationship is sloppy and dangerous and comes to an inevitable end, and they both know that, so this song for sure encapsulates how little both the LI and MC care about that. They don’t that it’s a trainwreck, because colliding is all that matters :)

Heaven, Clairo [j]

Alone, for the last time / You're just a loner / Give it a try / And you're hard on yourself / And your laugh, it just melts in my hands / Lonesome in the streets

I'll get by with you on my mind / I'll get by with you on my side

I love the idea of this song being viewed as MC’s perspective of her LI, because I’m sure the other LI’s haven’t been appreciated in the way that she appreciates them. For example, the line about the laugh melting in her hands makes me think about how they’d react to her saying that to them. None of the LI’s probably have never been told their laugh is cute, and I’m sure they’d be confused about it at first, so this whole song gives me a cute late night summer drive vibe. Like the MC is in the passenger seat of Mona or Logan’s car or draped around Colt and she’s just appreciating the things she loves about them.

Heaven Ain’t Hard 2 Find, Tupac [j]

Simply because you nervous, let me start off with my conversation / Hoping my information, elevates the hesitation / I can see it clearly now / Catch you smiling through your frown / I'm askin' Baby Boo are you down?

Heaven ain't hard to find / In fact you can have it just have faith / Just like a little kid, still believing in magic / It takes a lot of sacrifice / With all the lonely nights on tour / I need somebody I can trust in my life

Oh god help me identify me truest thoughts / Your hidden motives full of passion who would of thought / Come holla at me baby, love me for my thug nature / Far from a player hater, label me a money maker / Straight heart breaker

I originally added this song because it’s canon that Colt loves old West Coast Rap, so that makes me think he’s a huge Tupac fan. I can see him listening to this in his car driving down a California highway at like 2 a.m. On the other hand, though, the beginning of the song reminds me of the first meeting with Logan at the party, or the second meeting when they go to the car show – young love jitters and all that.

Keep Me Up, Charlotte Lawrence [j]

My heart starts beating and my hands start sweating / My chest starts sinking and sometimes will even start shaking / It's physical and emotional

And I don't want you all inside my head / And I can feel you running through my veins

When I say, and I say, and I say / That I want you in my life / But you stay, and you stay, and you stay / And you never leave my side / And you take, and you take, and you take / And you say you feel so nice, boy / And you keep me up all night

I think this fits with all the LI’s and MC and how they cope after the LI’s had to leave. Read it from both perspectives and it honestly fits so well for both of them – like the first couple months of restlessness staring at their ceiling while reflecting on how much they miss each other.

Kitchen, Kid Cudi [j]

Hmm, you wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But it seems they all on the same mission / You wanna find somebody you trust and lay low / But can't stand the heat of my love, then stay out the kitchen

Oh baby here we are, I made a wish on shootin' stars / I ain't even mad at it, we made it this far

The attitude of this song reminds me of both Mona and Colt’s feelings about relationships – they both know they’re intense people and that they don’t trust or love easily, and that whoever’s interested in them needs to know that. They’re not going to apologize for it, but they appreciate anyone who sticks around and loves them despite that.

Meet Me Halfway, The Black Eyed Peas [j]

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline / Is where I'm gonna wait, for you / I'll be looking out, night n' day / Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I stay / I can't go any further than this / I want you so bad it's my only wish

I think of all three LI’s when I listen to this, because it fits into the idea of them struggling to maintain both of their lifestyles and have them mesh together. And it plays into the distance when MPC has to scatter.

Moonlight, Trippie Redd [j]

I can still be your man / I was tryna see your plans / 'Cause I was tryna have this dance tonight / Your body, girl, I'm a real big fan / And I cannot lose this chance / So, baby girl, grab my hand / This moment I'm waiting for, I fantasize / I just wanna be with you, I just wanna be with you tonight / Under the moonlight

This reminded me of the prom scene and how despite the chaos, all three love interests took the time to appreciate MC and soak up their last “date”.

out for the night, 21 Savage [j]

Five foot five (Five), she my ride or die (Die) / Never tell a lie (Lie), we like Bonnie and Clyde (Clyde) / Lookin' at her thigh (Thigh), like, "Do it come with rice?" (Rice) / She don't like FaceTime, she would rather Skype / But I'm out for the night (Straight up) / Out for the night (Straight up)

When I heard this song I could definitely see Colt listening to it, but I think the flirtiness of the song fits for all three love interests! Also, I mean… “she my ride or die” and “we like Bonnie and Clyde”? Self explanatory.

Part of Me, Teo [j]

I believe there's no one in your place / So much lovely / You can cure my mistakes / You reside in me no room for escape

You're my darling / You're my love / You're rocking all of your diamonds / All dressed up / And girl I lost my mind, no, I messed up / So now I'm knocking at your doors with my chest up

You're part of me / Come again and see / Diamonds make you sparkle

This reminds me of the prom scene from the LI’s perspective. And even more so than that, it reminds me of post prom/car chase where they have to say goodbye to each other the last time. It’s like a bittersweet tribute to MC about how much they mean to them and how much they’ll think about them when they’re apart.

Special, 21 Savage [j]

We got something special / I was finna text you / But I don't wanna pest you / Even if we ain't together (no matter we're forever) / I'm still coming to your rescue

Ride with me (ride with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / You know I need you on my side with me (side with me) / Tell the truth and don't you lie to me (lie to me) / Baby, roll with me (roll with me)

I'mma hold you down forever / You my round forever / They just want to use you, but I'm tryna help you

I think of Colt mostly with this song, but it definitely fits with all of the li’s in my opinion! Logan, Colt, and Mona would all approach their relationship with MC this way – constantly affirming that they’re there for MC no matter what, even if things go South with them, they’re always one call away. And especially the last line “they just wanna use you, but I’m tryna help you” that’s for sure an overprotective LI about the Jason Shaw situation and generally people taking advantage of MC’s kindness.

Drunk on Love, Rihanna [p]

Take me away / I wear my heart on my sleeve / Always let love take the lead / I may be a little naive, yeah

I feel like I’ve heard MC being described as naive, and even in the book Mona is like man it’s your damn heart that got us into this mess because you thought we were more than who we are, so yeah this song reminded me of MC.

Final Goodbye, Rihanna [p]

Thought that you would stay forever with me / But the time has come to leave

Promise you our love will carry on

Final goodbye, MC saying goodbye to their LI, you catch my drift.

The Good, the Bad, and the Dirty, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you wanna start a fight / You better throw the first punch / Make it a good one

I feel like this lyric specifically is saying that if you’re gonna stand for something, you better give it your all, and it reminded me of how MC came up with the plan to defeat the Brotherhood in the last few chapters of ROD, and to get out of it, they really had to go all out (AKA MC telling the police everything, meaning the gang had to go on the run). Also, MC just nose-dived into this life and I feel like this lyric is like ‘well sis if you gon be a criminal you might as well do your best’ (and she did when she bodied her first heist I know that’s right, my driver forever <3).

Harder We Fall, Jessie J [p]

So, whatever path we choose to take / There will be highs and there will be lows, the same / Oh, we’ll never run from our mistakes / The harder we fall the harder we try again

I just feel like this is a good song for MC to listen to in the car on her way to Langston yk crying but the windows are down and the wind is wiping your tears so you just keep it pushing because you’ll live and you’re stronger than your lows.

House of Memories, Panic! at the Disco [p]

If you’re a lover, you should know / The lonely moments just get lonelier / The longer you’re in love than if you are alone / Memories turn into daydreams, become a taboo

I think of you from time to time more than I thought I would

I just feel like this is a perfect song for MC going through the motions of leaving their lover behind and thinking about the times they shared because her life with the crew will always be so drastically different than the life she was went to have (going to Langston, being the ‘goody two shoes’, etc.).

Let It Out, Trippie Redd ft. Myiah Lynnae [p]

I need to know, before I tell you, can I trust you?

Idk man this song really just spoke to me.

Saw You in a Dream, The Japanese House [j]

I saw you in a dream / You had stayed the same / You were beckoning me / Said that I had changed / Tried to keep my eyes closed / I want you so bad / Then I awoke and it was so sad

Haven't talked to you in months / And I thought that I might cry / But I'm not that kind of girl

All good things come to an end / But I thought that this might last / But you came and left so fast

I wonder if you'll come visit me again / You're taking your time to reappear / I'm starting to believe that when I call your name / You just don't hear me anymore / And I know that I shouldn't even try / It's a waste of time

I don’t think I need to go super in depth as to why this reminded me of MC, but I do see this as MC’s defeated approach to it in the months/years after meeting the MPC.

Silent Nite, Tink [p]

I put your joy and your feelings ‘fore mine / These days I’m angry, angry inside / No words to say (oh) / One thing to do / Move on and fall back from you / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me tight / It’s gonna be a silent night / No one here to hold me, oh, oh I’m lonely / Lost for words (lost for words)

It’s a short song so I just put the whole lyrics in here LMFAO but I feel like this could be MC during her first few nights at Langston. For Hieron at least, I know she went through a range of emotions processing this new chapter without the people she holds dear, angry at the way this is how things had to play out, but all that’s left for her to do is get over it, move on, and get used to not having that support anymore (i.e. like if MC is used to cuddling with [insert LI], they deadass gotta sleep alone now f in the chat).

Smile, Juice WRLD ft. The Weeknd [p]

I’d do anything in my power to see you just smile / I want you to prosper and come proper / Even if that means I ain’t by your side

I spent every day right beside you (‘side you), ‘side you (‘side you) / A hundred pics of me on your phone / Now you’re someone that I used to know

OKAY so I’m absolutely obsessed with this song and the first lyric was definitely giving me Logan x MC because I feel like this is something he could’ve said during his goodbye, like saying something that vulnerable and heartwrenchingly sweet is def on-brand for him, but the second lyric I feel like fits all the LIs. Like because they were part of the crew, they spent so much time with MC, and now that they’re gone, MC has all those pictures and memories that they  want to hold on to them so badly even though they can never be together again (‘now you’re someone that I used to know’)

Stuck With Me, The Neighbourhood [j]

Now I'm feeling guilty for it / Didn't wanna leave / Realized I'm less important / Than I thought I'd be, yeah / I'm not tellin' you for any certain reasons but / I just want your empathy

Our lives keep on gettin' shorter / Losin' opportunity / There might be some other ways of looking at it but / That's just what I see / I been gettin' over myself / Thinkin' about what you need / Then I realised that neither of us matter

You always end up stickin' to me / Somehow, somehow / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with / You are stuck with me / So I guess I'll be sticking with

So I think this song covers a lot of topics for MC. I think the vibe of the lyrics suit MC when she’s dealing with her relationship with her father, being pressured by Jason Shaw, and grappling with whether or not she’s making the right decision despite it all – homegirl was falling in love throughout all of it, too. Reading the lyrics with that lens made me think of each of the lines as a different conversation. The first part sounds like a tidbit of a conversation she could’ve had with her dad or about her dad. The next one is like a realization that despite how careful she is with her choices, nothing matters anyways, if the MC takes a nihilistic approach to it. And the last lyric is her conclusion with the LI that despite everything, she’s happy that she’s with her LI and she’s grateful for their loyalty.

worst behavior, Ariana Grande [j]

I been on my worst behavior / But, baby, I don't need no savior / I'm way outta line / But I kind of like the way I / Feel when I just don't give a fuck

This ain't no game, won't play with you / This time I know I'll stay with you / Just promise you won't say nothin' / Don't you be actin' like that, don't you be actin' like that, babe

Said baby it's just in my nature / To be a little troublemaker

Know you really like the way I / Taste when we kiss, you reminisce / But this ain't the last time / Just stay by my side

This song reminds me of rebellious MC before the gravity of the situation really hits her – the short span of time where she’s not worrying about being Valedictorian or college or her dad’s approval. She’s just living and falling in love for the first time. This could probably work for all LI’s but the specific “troublemaker” line makes me think of an MC who is trying to reassure Logan that she can make her own decisions.

1Day, PnB Rock ft. Ugly God [j]

Momma told me that I wouldn't be shit / Told her one day / I'ma be rich (huh)

One day, I'ma buy a big ass crib  / One day, I'ma buy a big ass mansion / One day, all my fucking diamonds gon' be dancing / One day, I'ma fuck a bitch in the Hamptons / One day, I'ma eat the sushi with the salmon

Dropped out of college, everybody said I'm tripping / Told them be patient, but they ass wouldn't listen / Made it big time, now they fucking with the vision / Now I'm really rich, and my diamonds really glistening

The lyrics kind of remind me of the lifestyle that they live – whether or not they fell for the MC in the process, they all kind of have the motive of money and being successful in their own way. Even though the li’s and MC have their own shortcomings and wants and needs outside of MPC, I like to think of this song as an ego booster and probably representative of their attitudes when they joined MPC at the beginning. Reminds me of Logan especially since he joined the life so early and probably romanticized it for the longest time before it really went to shit. And to add to that, the last lyric is Colt all the way.

92 Explorer, Post Malone [p]

Ooh, baby, I see these muhfuckas’ glancin’ / When my whip stop, then my wheels keep spinnin’

Made a lot of M’s, made a lot of moves

This song is literally all about Post Malone’s precious car so I was like LMFAO why not because everyone in ROD loves their cars and then the last lyric is because they be making a lot of money with their transactions/steals.

Best Friend, Saweetie ft. Doja Cat [p]

Beep beep, is that my bessie in a Tessie?

Listen... I feel like we were robbed of the peak best friend dynamic that could’ve existed between Riya and MC so this whole song is for them (also c’mon MC could’ve snatched a Tesla if she reeaaally wanted too so yup that’s Riya’s bessie in a Tessie).

Lost It, Rich The Kid ft. Quavo and Offset [p]

The Bentley don’t cost shit / I walk out the bank rich

Okay, drank sippin’, lane switchin’ / I done brought my gang with me

Ooh, I might snatch the coupe

First one because they really could get any car they wanted, second lyric because gang always together yk, and last one because they really be stealing cars out here LMFAO.

Royal Rumble, Lil Tecca [p]

My life is a movie, you not ready for that clip

It’s a Royal Rumble

ROD really is a wild ride (��my life is a movie’) and the ‘it’s a Royal Rumble’ just reminded me of the fact that it’s basically a showdown between two crews where one wins in the end but at what cost.

Runnin’, 21 Savage and Metro Boomin [p]

Runnin’, runnin’, runnin’, runnin’

We run the motherfuckin’ city

Fuck your crew, [redacted], we’ll kill your crew

First lyric is because literally everyone has to scatter by the end of the book, and the second lyric just gave me their vibes, whether or not they truly ran the city. The last lyric makes me laugh because Colt really was about to kill the other crew, the ‘we’ is a lilll bit loose in that sense though LMFAO because I know damn well Toby was not ready to go down like that.

Stuntin’ Like My Daddy, Birdman ft. Lil Wayne [j]

What we doing? Getting money / What they doing? Hating on us, but they never cross / Cash money still a company, and, bitch, I'm the boss / And I be stuntin' like my daddy, stuntin' like my daddy

Colt and Teppei don’t get along, but I like to think that Colt not only bumps this song in his car, but secretly imagines that him and Teppei run L.A. – either together or with Colt taking the reins.

Takin’ Shots, Post Malone [p]

Drinkin’ all night, but we ain’t done yet / Waitin’ on the plug, but he ain’t come yet

Already losin’ control, this is the life that we chose

The first lyric and this song overall just give me club vibes, like the underground one they went to where MC wears that neon fit. The part in the second line that always gets me is ‘this is the life that we chose’ because being a part of this crew was a choice for most, and they knew what comes with this lifestyle.

Trouble on Central, Buddy [j]

So the entire song is pretty much the idea  “I wish life were better and I’m daydreaming about how good things could be for me”. And to be honest, I think that the vibes of that fit Logan when he was young and broke, but at the same time, I could see Colt bumping this song in a convertible.

VEGAS, ABRA [j]

The whole song reminds me of the gambling scene and the high stakes of it. It kind of reads like the MC trying to fit in with dangerous criminals while she’s there despite the MPC thinking she’s not ready for it

[lmjupdates]

Lauren Jauregui on her Sense of Self, the innate magic of spirituality, & her upcoming EP

Portrait by: Halie Torris

Portrait Reference Photo by: Munachi Osegbu

Interview by: Isabella Vega

Photos by: Tristian Hollingsworth

One of the most surreal moments of my life was sitting in the Zoom room, waiting for Lauren Jauregui to enter. There was a plethora of thoughts swirling in my head, mostly nerves - I had never met someone who I had such a deep cosmic connection with, someone I'd spent the last eight years following and looking to guidance for.  What if they weren't all I thought they would be? Then, I spotted the Lauren Jauregui Edition of Coup De Main on my desk shelf, and that's when it hit me: I had manifested  this entire conversation. God put this person in my path for a reason, all those years ago, and I was about to find out why. As I let her into the Zoom, I had no idea the emotional journey the next forty five minutes would lead me. What unfolded was something I always dreamed, and somehow, almost predicted: that in meeting the woman I had spent a lifetime loving and learning from, in truly baring our souls and sharing our life philosophies, a few of my internal puzzle pieces would click together with every laughing breath and anecdote dripping off of her with intellect and authenticity. I present to you: a candid conversation with Lauren Jauregui - how she describes her Sense of Self, her ideas on the current mental health movement, and her upcoming EP.

Isabella: How would you describe your Sense of Self in one sentence?

Lauren: I guess my sense of self is just kind of… This is complex now that I’m sitting and thinking about it! I’m like ‘what does my sense of self mean?!’ I guess it’s just kind of the awareness that I’m embodying. Yeah, like, how much I’m showing up for myself and the self care aspect of all of it. That’s usually when I feel the most sense of self, when I’m aware of my body and my mind and my heart and how it’s feeling, so self-care.

Isabella: Now more than ever, there seems to be a growing awareness/spread of information on mental health, a sort of movement throughout social media platforms. Is there any facet of this growing movement that you would want to change or is there anything you would like to add to the conversations?

Lauren: I mean, I think there is always room for improvement in how we approach things. Again, this is a topic that is new to all of us as a collective, we’ve been under the oppressive thumb of capitalism, imperialism, and colonization for a very long time, and we still live in a settler-colonial state. I think that the disparities between how mental health affects different people is definitely a nuanced conversation. I think that acknowledging state violence can not just be talked away is important, and I don’t think that we talk often enough about how people of color’s mental health suffers because there are systemic things in place to oppress them and to hurt them. That are still in place and that we still debate and that we still have to have conversations about, which has been centuries of people talking about whether or not it’s ok to brutalize people of color.  I think bringing that into the conversation a lot more - state violence’s impact on our mental health. A lot of the time we are just, like “Oh, I’m traumatized because my parents treated me a certain way” or “I’m traumatized because this person did something to me” but what we don’t really address is those behaviors of other folks like parents - something I’m trying to acknowledge is saying “I know my parents didn’t have the tools, and that’s something I’m learning through my mental health journey.” That’s not something I understood off the bat. I thought that the things that had happened to me in my life were the reasons why I was this way.

When you start going into the journey, and when the journey involves the spiritual element of the journey. That’s another thing, I would love to have more conversations about spiritual illness. Where the lack of faith and the lack of belief in self is the root cause of a lot of depression and anxiety. That disconnect from God and the disconnect from the belief that reality can be what we manifest it. We have to take responsibility for the way that our world looks right now, and the way we look, and the way we operate and hold one another or don’t. It really has to come down to every individual person wanting to show up for themselves more and understand themselves more.

I would like to have more conversations about the connectivity between everything, the intersectionality between this stuff.

Isabella: I love that. As someone who’s religious and has a very strong spiritual connection to all of that, that’s what I love about you so much - a lot of people are scared to talk about religion and spirituality, whilst you just go there, and talk about something that is so foundational to our beings.

Lauren: Yeah. I’ll challenge that a little bit and say it’s not necessarily religion. I feel like religion can be an instrument used to pin us against each other. It’s about spirituality because God is a reflection of us and lives in each of us. That’s why God looks so different everywhere because everywhere you go, God looks like the people there, because God is self. Self is God. As far as, like, when you think of the higher self, when you pray, whoever you pray to - this being is here for you, and you see yourself in them. Whilst you can understand that they are there for the rest of the world, as well, that connection regardless of religion, that understanding that there is something greater than yourself, is benevolent?

Isabella: Yeah.

Lauren: And that’s so important. I think we often forget about that, and I know that my darkest times were when I forgot that God existed. And when I didn’t trust in God and their vision for me. A lot of times, we feel like things are happening to us, but really, they’re happening for us.

Isabella: So, I’ve heard whispers through the grapevine of there being an EP in the works. Congratulations! I’ve been waiting!

Lauren: Hahaha!

Isabella: How do you plan on continuing your pure self expression through the release of a shorter form project and an eventual album?

Lauren: Well, I think that music is where I am the most self-expressive. It’s my safe space. I think writing in general, whether that’s my journal, or if that’s my notepad, or wherever. I used to just think a lot, and thinking a lot really messed me up, it gave me a lot of anxiety, and I used to think in loops, which I still do, but I’m better at catching myself now. That self expression is just a pertinent element of why I do music. I feel like I naturally just wanna talk about feelings! I’m just an emo shawty, I really love to put my stuff into words, and I feel like the challenge of putting it into a three minute or four minute song is kind of dope, because you get to kind of get it out. You don’t have to think about all of the things, you have to curate what you’re talking about and how you get the audience to understand your storyline in a concise, intentional way. Whether that’s short form or long form, it’s definitely my approach to making art.

Isabella: I love that! So, I don’t know how much you can say, and it’s alright if you can’t say much! I just wanted to know - what’s the vibe? I know you’ve worked in the past with the brilliant Kid Harpoon, who helped make Fine Line by Harry Styles, which is my favorite album of all time and saved me in so many ways, so will you two be working together on this project?

Lauren: On this specific EP, I am not working with him. I have other songs with him, because he and I make beautiful music together. I love Kid Harpoon. He’s a good friend and a really beautiful collaborator. On this EP, nothing’s produced by him on it, that’s not to say that we won’t work together again or the songs that we made won’t be released in some other format, but this one, I’m almost done with mixing now.

Isabella: Oooo!!!

Lauren: Yeah! I’m just in the process of getting all of the visuals together and making sure everything is packaged nicely and looking good for everybody!

Isabella: I’m so excited!

Lauren: Yes! I think it’s very close, and while I totally understand why everyone is expectant of something from me - I get that and I totally understand - this process of making this music has been WAY more profound than just the music itself, it’s been a huge rediscovery of self. It’s been unlearning like no other. It’s been a messy and painful and joyous process in all kinds of different ways. To me, it’s been so much more than what I can give people. That’s the beautiful after effect to me, so people feel seen, heard, and safe, like there’s someone else who understands where they're at. I focus a lot on the things that I think about, so I hope that whoever listens to it can feel the potency of the self-discovery that went into this and realize why it took so long. Self-discovery isn’t something you do in a couple of weeks, especially everything that I’d been through. I’m a very sensitive soul, and everything that went on really shifted my perception of self into a very toxic place that I needed to come out of, I really needed this time. Everyday, it’s made me trust more in God and God’s plan. Everytime I thought I had it figured out, ready to release, every single time, God would derail and say “Wait, there’s something bigger.” Every time, I was like “God! Let me put out this freaking music!” Isabella: Hahaha!

Lauren: And God’s like “yeah, yeah! I know! But people have to know who you are! And YOU don’t know who you are! When you know who you are, then we can give it to the world!” I know who I am now!

Isabella: That’s amazing to hear. I really hate when fans try to claim the intimacy of “knowing you” when we only know the public version of you, but I’m a very big empath, especially with the public figures I vibe with, I choose them very wisely. I’ve followed you for a very long time, so I can see the change from “Expectations’'' to “50 Ft.”

Lauren: Right!?

Isabella: Yeah! You’re a new, spectacular whole, and I hope you know how proud I am.

Lauren: Thank you!!!! I’m proud of you, too! You’ve been on this journey with me.

Isabella: Thank you! I really think I have! It’s taken a while for us to put this interview together, and I really feel like God put us together at the perfect moment, because mentally, I feel like I’m in the perfect place to meet you.

Lauren: God’s timing is something else!

This introduction and interview has been condensed for the online format. The full interview appears  in Issue 2: Rumination, open for orders until June 10th. If you've read this whole thing - I love you to actual pieces - use code 333 at checkout for a special discount!

https://www.senseofselfzine.com/product-page/issue-2-rumination

Source: https://www.senseofselfzine.com/post/lauren-jauregui-on-her-sense-of-self-the-innate-magic-of-spirituality-her-upcoming-ep

[thatweirdfetish]

Emmrich is the Morticia to my gomez.

I'm just a feral little psychopath with a sharp sticks and too much cash filling my pockets because I hoard everything I collect, with a deep-seated yearning to woo him.

He's my decorated, tightly corseted, sharp tongued queen with a pension for cursing folks behind thinly veiled calm composure.

[atths--twice]

Right Round

Set somewhere in between seasons 10 and 11, this idea came to me as I listened to Right Round on my way to work one day. 

Hope you enjoy!

Mulder and Scully, helping out on a case, are sent to a strip club to question a witness. Mulder is very uncomfortable and Scully enjoys every second of it.

Mulder walked into the house, the door slamming behind him. He tossed his jacket on the couch, and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer. He pulled it from the fridge and opened it, drinking half of it down in a few large gulps.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, for what felt like the hundredth time that day, before taking another drink. He shook his head as he wiped his mouth, thinking of the past few hours, the situation he found himself in, and the sheer happiness he saw on Scully’s face at his expense...

They were working a case, helping out on one actually, and were sent to question a witness. When they pulled into the parking lot, Mulder’s stomach dropped seeing where they would find their witness.

“You sure this is the right address, Scully?” he asked, groaning out a sigh. He gripped the steering wheel and then put his head on it. He heard her chuckle and he groaned again.

“7614 Hunter Avenue, yup, this is the place,” she said, laughter in her voice. “Why are you worried, Mulder? It could be any one of the establishments here.”

“You know as well as I do, that it won’t be. It will be that one just as sure as the sun is shining,” he said as he raised his head and looked out the windshield before glancing back at her. The smile on her lips and light in her eyes made him shake his head. “You find this funny, don’t you?”

“I do. I really do,” she nodded, as her smile grew. He sighed and closed his eyes again, before turning the car off and opening his door.

“Let’s get this over with, Scully,” he said, her laughter making him groan as he closed the door. He looked at the building they would be entering, The Pretty Kitty, and he shook his head.

Scully met him on the curb and gestured for him to go ahead of her. He gave her a look and she stayed put, her arm outstretched, waiting for him to walk inside first. Heaving a big sigh, he stepped ahead of her and pushed the door open.

The first thing that hit him was the smell. Hundreds of different scents were fighting to be the victor, and one could not yet claim the prize. It was like walking into how he imagined a glitter factory smelled and he was not a fan.

Next, it was dark. Way darker than the bright afternoon outside and his pupils were having a hard time adjusting to the dramatic change in light. He turned around and saw Scully behind him, a small smile on her face, no doubt enjoying his feeling of awkwardness.

The music in the club was loud and a song was playing that he could not place. A woman walked by in a hot pink push-up bra and a small black skirt with white stockings and garters. She had a pierced belly button with a shiny diamond and her long blonde hair was in two braids. All she needed was a lollipop in her mouth and she would be the quintessential star of almost any porn video or magazine cover. Mulder felt nervous and guilty even looking at her, especially with Scully close to him.

“Hi there,” she smiled as she came close to them, putting her hand on Mulder’s arm and he tensed up. “What’s the matter, sweetie? You seem tense.” She pouted and then put a hand on his chest. “I could help you loosen up, if you’d like …” Her hand began to slide a little lower and he stepped back quickly as Scully stepped closer.

“Actually, we’re looking for someone,” Scully said, taking out her badge and showing it to her. “I’m Agent Scully and this is Agent Mulder. We’re looking for Rose Meadows, could you tell us where we could find her?” Her no-nonsense work tone made him feel hotter than any scantily clad woman ever could.

Except for when she was both, he thought with a groan, as memories of years of Scully’s voice and body bringing him pleasure rushed to the surface. Not now, you idiot. And goddamnit, not here. Everyone will get the wrong idea.

He cleared his throat and took out his own badge, fumbling just a bit, making Scully’s lips twitch as she fought back a smile. “Yeah, I’m Agent Mulder,” he said lamely, and Scully flicked her eyes to him.

“The FBI?” the girl said, looking nervous and scared. “Why are you here? And what do you want with Rosie? She hasn’t done anything wrong. There’s nothing wrong with stripping.” She was now angry and Scully shook her head, stepping closer to her.

“Miss, Rose isn’t in any trouble. She is listed as a witness to a crime and we are here to speak to her. That’s all it is,” Scully smiled at her.

“Yeah, I know about that. She called the cops, but they didn’t do anything about it,” she said, crossing her arms and looking at Scully, her eyes hard.

“I’d beg to differ,” Scully said, putting her badge away. “We’re here now, so something is being done.” She forced a smile and the girl sighed as she looked at her.

“Well, I need to tell Big Paul you’re here. But, Rose is up next, so I guess you can wait here and watch her." She glanced at Mulder and uncrossed her arms. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show.” She winked at him and turned to walk away. Mulder stared after her and then looked at Scully.

“What does she mean?” he asked and then music began to play, the lights dimmed further, and the stage lights came up. “Oh … fuck.” He closed his eyes as he realized what was about to happen. Opening them, he saw Scully smiling as she stepped closer to him.

A woman, apparently their witness Rose, was sliding down the pole to the music, in a bra and a short plaid skirt. As he watched her, Mulder wished the floor would swallow him up.

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

Hey, walk out the house with my swagger Hop in there with dough, I got places to go People to see, time is precious I look at my Cartier, outta control

Just like my mind where I'm goin' No women, no shawties, no nothin' but clothes No stoppin' now, my Pirellis on roll I like my jewelry that's always on whoa

Glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, Mulder saw Scully moving her head to the music, even surprisingly mouthing the words, and making comments about how impressive Rose was as she danced. She seemed to be enjoying herself and he never felt more annoyed with her in his entire life.

I know the storm is comin' My pockets keep tellin' me it's gonna shower Call up my homies It’s on and poppin tonight cause it’s meant to be ours

We keep a fade-away shot Cause we be ballin', it's platinum Patron every hour Lil mama, I owe you just like the flowers Girl you the truth with all of that goody power cause

“Damn. I have that same bra,” Scully said, leaning in close to tell him, as they watched Rose grab the pole and swing, wrapping her legs around it.

“Jesus, Scully, I know,” he groaned, his head dropping down.

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwing my money around Ain't nothing more beautiful to be found It’s going down down

Up and down the pole, Rose moved, making Scully exhale and say whoa more times than Mulder could count.

From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwing my money around Ain't nothing more beautiful to be found It’s going down down

Hey! Shawty must know I'm the man My money love her like a number one fan Don't open my mouth, let her talk to my bands My Benjamin Franklins

Rose danced around the stage, taking her skirt off and tossing it behind her, before shaking her head around as she grabbed the pole and bounced up and down.

A couple of grands, I got rubberbands My paper planes making her dance Get dirty all night, that's part of my plan We building castles that's made out of sand

She's amazing, her fire blazing, hotter than cajun Girl won't you move a lil' closer? Time to get paid, it's maximum wage That body belongs on a poster

I'm in a daze, that bottom is waving at me, like “Damn it, I know you” You wanna shoot like a gun out a holster Tell me whatever then I'll be your gopher

“You know, I used to have those underwear too, but I lost them, or … something happened to them,” Scully said, leaning in closer so he could hear her. She shrugged her shoulders and Mulder groaned again. He knew she remembered exactly what happened to those underwear of hers.

Pulled too quickly from her body one night, their need for one another too great, they had ripped beyond repair and had been thrown out.

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwing my money around Ain't nothing more beautiful to be found It's going down down

“Do you have any idea how tight her core muscles have to be to do that?” Scully asked him as they watched her dance and use the pole repeatedly, spinning and moving around quicker than seemed possible.

From the top of the pole I watch her go down She got me throwing my money around Ain't nothing more beautiful to be found It's going down down

Yeah! I'm spending my money I'm outta control Somebody help me She's taking my bank roll

But I'm king of the club And I'm wearing the crown Popping these bottles, touching these models Watching they asses go Down down down

“Seriously, Mulder, she’s amazing,” Scully said, shaking her head, both of them nearly slack jawed as they watched her. “You know, I thought of taking a pole dancing class. It’s offered as a class by my place, but I don’t think I could ever do it the way she does.”

Mulder huffed out a huge breath and walked away from her a few steps, his body on the verge of betraying him.

Scully in a pole dancing class? Jesus fucking Christ …

I’m too sober for this, he thought, the images vivid in his head, causing him to take some deep breaths to steady himself.

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

You spin my head right round, right round When you go down, when you go down down

The song ended and he turned around again, catching sight of the backside of Rose as she left the stage, in just the aforementioned underwear, her skirt and bra held in her hands.

“You missed the end of the dance,” Scully smirked at him. “The good stuff, Mulder.”

“Well, that’s tragic,” he said sarcastically, willing his mind not to think of Scully on that stage, showing him, and him alone, what she had learned in a very intense pole dancing class.

“Well, just so you know, it was a good show,” she said, raising her eyebrows at him.

“Scully, come on,” he pleaded with her as a man who could only be Big Paul walked over to them.

After speaking with him, they were escorted back to Rose’s dressing room. Scully knocked on the door and they were told to enter. Glancing at Mulder with another smirk, Scully opened the door and went inside.

The entire time they were speaking to her, she was wearing her underwear, with only a short robe covering her body. Mulder was uncomfortable, not wanting to look any place that would be considered inappropriate. He let Scully do all the questioning, looking around the room instead, the smell of it as heavy with perfume as the rest of the club.

God, he wanted to leave.

“Okay, thank you Miss Meadows, we appreciate your help. Agent Mulder, do you have any other questions you’d like to ask?” Scully asked sweetly a few minutes later, and he stared at her, shaking his head. She nodded and handed Rose her business card. “If you think of anything, please don’t hesitate to call. Thank you again.”

Mulder nodded to Rose and opened the door to her dressing room, waiting for Scully to walk out ahead of him. He sighed with relief as he walked down the hallway, until two more half naked women walked toward them. He stepped closer to Scully, and the wall, to avoid brushing against them as they walked by. They giggled as they did and he stared straight ahead, sighing with relief again.

Walking through the club, he kept his sights on the door, so close to freedom. He left Scully behind as he heard another song starting up and was suddenly blasted by confetti. Brushing it from his face and off his clothes, he pushed the door open, his eyes blinded by the late afternoon sunlight.

Taking a second to let his eyes adjust, he took his jacket off and shook it out, confetti flying everywhere. He brushed at his hair and more confetti fell to the ground. He shook his head as Scully walked over to him, brushing confetti from her own clothing.

“Well,” she laughed, reaching out and brushing her hands across his chest. “That was … something.” He sighed and shook his head, still brushing his hand through it.

“Jesus Christ, it was more than something, Scully. Ugh." He stared at her and she smiled, her hands pausing at his chest and smoothing down his tie. She cleared her throat and stepped back, moving her hands.

“Wait,” he said, reaching for her arm. “You’ve got some of that goddamn confetti in your hair.” He combed his fingers through her hair and she kept her eyes on him as he did. He held the ends of her hair in between his fingers, before letting it go and smiling at her. “I think I got it all.” She nodded and stepped back again.

“So, ready to get out of here?” she asked and he nodded enthusiastically. She laughed and walked over to the car. He threw his jacket in the backseat as he got in, loosening his tie as he did.

They headed back to the office, informed Skinner of the information they heard from Rose, and then headed to their cars in the parking garage. She kept her head down, but he could see the smile on her face, and he knew she was thinking of something.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as they arrived at her car and he nodded, stepping back with a smile.

As he started to walk away, he heard the music from the club begin to play again. He turned around and looked at Scully. She had the music playing from her phone in her pocket, and he watched her start to move with a smile on her face.

She shook her shoulders a little, then her hips a bit more, and his eyes roamed over her body. She grinned at him and moved a little more before she opened her car door, got in and turned the music up as her phone connected to the Bluetooth. She watched him as she backed up and drove off, the music echoing in the parking garage.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, more aroused by her fully clothed and simple dance, than anything he saw earlier. “Jesus Christ.” He shook his head and got in the car, his mind racing.

You spin my head right round, right round came the words to that song, unbidden into his head. God, did she ever.

He backed up and put the car in drive as his phone beeped with a message. Looking down, he saw it was from Scully. It was a good thing he read it before he left, when was not driving yet, or he was certain he would have hit something and died in a fiery crash.

I haven’t forgotten what happened to that pair of underwear …

[camrensrealbish]

Camila’s spotify playlists 2015 part 2

So I found Camila’s playlists and wanted to have a look at the lyrics, thought I’d share my thoughts on this with you.

On my mind - Ellie Goulding

It's a little dirty how the whole thing started I don't even really know what you intended Thought that you were cute and you could make me jealous Poured it down, so I poured it down Next thing that I know I'm in the hotel with you  ---- Locked in the hotel /There's just some things that never change(Señorita)

You were talking deep like it was mad love to you You wanted my heart but I just liked your tattoos Poured it down, so I poured it down

And now I don't understand it You don't mess with love, you mess with the truth And I know I shouldn't say it But my heart don't understand

I always hear, always hear them talking Talking 'bout a girl, 'bout a girl with my name Saying that I hurt you but I still don't get it You didn't love me, no, not really Wait, I could have really liked you I'll bet, I'll bet that's why I keep on thinking 'bout you It's a shame (shame), you said I was good

You got yourself in a dangerous zone 'Cause we both have the fear, fear of being alone

Why I got you on my mind (you think you know somebody)

Wasn’t expecting that - Jamie Lawson 

It was only a smile but my heart it went wild I wasn't expecting that ----- But I expect, You expect, We expect (Expectations)-----

Just a delicate kiss, anyone could've missed I wasn't expecting that

Did I misread the sign? Your hand slipped into mine I wasn't expecting that You spent the night in my bed, You woke up and you said "Well, I wasn't expecting that"

I thought love wasn't meant to last, I thought you were just passing through If I ever get the nerve to ask What did I get right to deserve somebody like you? I wasn't expecting that It was only a word, it was almost mis-heard I wasn't expecting that But it came without fear, A month turned into a year I wasn't expecting that

Isn't it strange how a life can be changed In the flicker of the sweetest smile We were married in spring You know I wouldn't change a thing Without that innocent kiss, what a life I'd have missed

If you'd not took a chance on a little romance When I wasn't expecting that Time doesn't take long, three kids up and gone I wasn't expecting that When the nurses they came, said it's come back again I wasn't expecting that Then you closed your eyes, you took my heart by surprise I wasn't expecting that!

Tenerife Sea - Ed Sheeran

You look so wonderful in your dress I love your hair like that The way it falls on the side of your neck Down your shoulders and back We are surrounded by all of these lies And people that talk too much You got that kind of look in your eyes As if no one knows anything but us ----I’m sorry, but these lines Camren af ---

Should this be the last thing I see I want you to know it's enough for me 'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need

I'm so in love So in love So in love So in love

You look so beautiful in this light Your silhouette over me The way it brings out the blue in your eyes Is the Tenerife sea And all of the voices surrounding us here They just fade out when you take a breath Just say the word and I will disappear Into the wilderness

Lumiere, darling Lumiere over me

You look so wonderful in your dress I love your hair like that And in the moment I knew you, Beth

Pass out - Tinie Tempas

Let's have a toast, a celebration, get a glass out And we can do this until we pass out So let it rain, let it pour away And we won't come down Until we hit the ground and pass out Look at me I've been a cheeky bastard, man and Look at all the drama we started, now I’m In here laying on my back Saying DJ won't you give me one more track? So let it rain, let it pour away And we won't come down Until we hit the ground and pass out So let it rain, let it pour away And we won't come down Until we hit the ground and pass out

Taken - One Direction

Now that you can't have me You suddenly want me Now that I'm with somebody else You tell me you love me I slept on your doorstep Begging for one chance Now that I finally moved on You say that you missed me all along

Who do you think you are? ---- I have questions for you / Number one, tell me who you think you are (I have questions)---- Who do you think I am? You only love to see me breaking You only want me 'cause I'm taken You don't really want my heart No, you just like to know you can Still be the one who gets it breaking You only want me when I'm taken

You're messing with my head Girl that's what you do best Saying there's nothing you won't do To get me to say yes You're impossible to resist But I wouldn't bet your heart on it It's like I'm finally awake And you're just a beautiful mistake

Thank you for showing me Who you are underneath No, thank you, I don't need Another heartless misery You think I'm doing this to make you jealous And I know that you hate to hear this But this is not about you anymore

---- this song has such a ‘Should’ve said it’ and I have questions vibe ----

Some mistakes - One Direction

Circles, we're going in circles Dizzy's all it makes us We know where it takes us We've been before Closer, maybe looking closer There's more to discover Find out what went wrong without blaming each other ----  With no confrontation / I really wish we could talk about it instead (Expectations)----

Think that we got more time When we're falling behind Gotta make up our minds Or else we'll play, play, play all the same old games And we wait, wait, wait for the end to change And we take, take, take it for granted that we'll be the same But we're making all the same mistakes

Wake up, we both need to wake up Maybe if we face up to this We can make it through this Closer, maybe we'll be closer Stronger than we were before, yeah Make this something more, yeah

Yeah, yeah, that's what crazy is When it's broken, you say there's nothing to fix And you pray, pray, pray that everything will be okay While you're making all the same mistakes

Don't look back But if we don't look back We're only learning then How to make all the same, same mistakes again

I know there’s gonna be - Jamie xx

Good times, good times There's gonna be good times, good times I know there's gonna be

Worth every date til we meetings Have to turn it up on weekends Bust a toast to your real friends Tell me what you drinkin'

Remember we used to pull up and let 'em fight? That's that hood time Remember when I used to grab on that ass when it was that wood time? Yeah if that bitch walk up trippin' she get that mush time I don't waste time, I don't waste time I don't have patience, baby She gon' get on top of this dick And she gon' squish it like squish, then go fast, she Speed Racer We gon' ball, Walter Payton She my boss like I'm Prince's son Come here bae, I'ma listen I let her write me my suggestions Pop quiz, it's a pop quiz All my money comin' clean, you can't pop this She got that pussy locked up like locksmith Watch her come to my lights like a reindeer Me and papi on the same pills My diamonds could never stand still Where you goin'? Can you come here? ----Ok, so this one reminds me of Lauren’s More than that ( I need more than them diamonds that you got around your neck) and Camila’s In the dark ( Runnin', runnin', runnin', runnin' / Making the rounds with all your fake friends) as well as My Oh My ( She came with you and then left with me, I went up a point, let's call it even (yeah) / Don't like the car she in, gonna end up buying her a new Beamer (let's go)------

I'll always take you back for your sex appeal (Good time, hey) Come have a good time, bust a back wine

Know say you wan' gimme suckle and corn Me deal with the scene rough like crime I make ya sing this timeI know there's gonna be good times, there's gonna be good times There's gonna be good times, there's gonna be good

I'ma ride in that pussy like a stroller I'll survive in a mothafuckin' gutter That's my mothafuckin' woadie, like the Noila And I'm comin' red like Coke-Cola I'ma have a very good time I swear to God I can't never sound like lil shorty She say she likes all of her nigga's rhymes Where is my phone? That pussy callin' I want you to pass it to Thugger Thugger Even in the summer time me and lil shawty cuddle ----  I don't be trippin on lil' shawty, I let her do whatever she please I don't be kissin' on lil' shawty, she don't be kissin' on me either (My Oh My)---- I swear to God I'ma tip you, don't got to struggle Baby girl sit it down, you not known like an usher I told lil' mama I don't bite but my teeth do I wanna control you like voodoo I'm steady screaming free Unfunk and DuLu

Wild - Troye Sivan 

Trying hard not to fall On the way home You were trying to wear me down, down Kissing up on fences and up on walls  On the way home I guess it's all working out, now'

Cause there's still too long to the weekend Too long till I drown in your hands Too long since I've been a fool, oh

Leave this blue neighbourhood Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh And it drives me wild 'Cause when you look like that I've never ever wanted to be so bad, oh It drives me wild You're driving me wild, wild, wild

We're alike you and I Two blue hearts locked in our wrong minds So can we make the most out of no time? Can you hold me? Can you make me leave my demons and my broken pieces behind?  ----  Who are you in the dark? / Show me the scary parts (In the dark)----

Also fun fact: Camila and Lauren partying with Troye in May 2016 

Beggin for thread - Banks

So I got edges that scratch And sometimes I don't got a filter But I'm so tired of eating All of my misspoken words I know my disposition gets confusing My disproportionate reactions fuse with my eager state That's why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah Why?Stooped down and out, you got me beggin' for thread To sew this hole up that you ripped in my head Stupidly think you had it under control Strapped down to something that you don't understand Don't know what you were getting yourself into You should have known, secretly I think you knew

I got some dirt on my shoes My words can come out as a pistol I'm no good at aiming But I can aim it at you I know my actions, they may get confusing But my unstable ways is my solution To even space

Sex - 1975 --- first of all, this is classic Camren song: the 1975 concert in 2014, also it shows up on multiple playlists in the following years and Lauren’s instagram story----

And this is how it starts You take your shoes off in the back of my van My shirt looks so good When it's just hanging off your back And she said use your hands and my spare time We've got one thing in common it's this tongue of mine She said she's got a boyfriend anyway----- Camila’s Like friends do ?-----

There's only minutes before I drop you off And all we seem to do it talk about sex She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anyway I love your friend when I saw his film He's got a funny face but I like that because he still looks cool She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anyway

Now we are on the bed in my room And I'm about to fill his shoes But you say no But do you say no Does he take care of you Or could I easily fill his shoes Do you say no Do you say no

And now we're just outside of town And you're making your way down She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anyway And I'm not trying to stop you love But if we're gonna do anything we might as well just fuck She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anyway

You've got your tongue pierced anyway You in your hightops anyway You in your skinny jeans anyway You and your fit friends anyway I'd take them all out any day They've all got back combs anyway You've all got boyfriends anyway

One night - Ed Sheeran

Lying in a bedroom Lighting up a Benson Face hair is growing So I cut with a vengeance Hey, did I mention As she makes an entrance Said I had a tendency To finish off a sentence

Oh well, she's a local girl No make-up Cos she knows me well Hair tied up in elastic band With a kiss on the cheek For her one-night man

Is it fast food I'll regret it after And I needed money But I'm too shy to ask her So she buys me chips and cheese And I tell her I love her And she's all I need I take it with a cold glass Of the fruit and the barley She's still a sucker for the ----I’m a sucker for the way that you move, babe (Never be the same)---- Apple and Bacardi Heading to the party Sitting in the car seat B.E.P. on radio It makes me feel naughty

I don't wanna go alone

Tell her that I love her Tell her that I need her Tell her that she's more Than a one-night stand Tell her that she turns my cheeks The colour of my hair All I wanna do is be near

Tell her that I want her Tell her that I need her Tell her that she's more than a one-night stand Tell her that I love her More than anyone else If you don't, then I'll tell her myself

And we've got love in us So if the drink kill us We're gonna dance all night ---- Lauren’s All night---- Till the floor fillers If we talk outside I say I hate wasps too I don't really dance So I'll just watch you ----  I just need your eyes on me So I can see you watching me move it, move it, move it (Back to me)---- Are you taking me back tonight? Tell me if that's alright I don't wanna be here I'm not the sofa type Tell me if you have a toothbrush You don't mind sharing She said I wanna take off What you're wearing

Conclusions

I’ve recently read Karlaswine’s song analysis from Camila and Romance and it really got me thinking. (like e.g. In the dark). The relationship got complicated in the second half of 2015 and some of Camila’s (Consequences, Real Friends, OMG) and Lauren’s (Expectations, Nada, More than that) songs could be about that time. 

And this playlists seems to confirm this theory about the rough time in late 2015, plus the general theme of inconsistency and being friends with benefits at times.

[wakandascrystal]

BET. I

Erik x BlackReader

Summary: Erik and his friends place a bet to get with you little does he know who you and family are. 

Part 2 

...............

It was a Sunday afternoon. Erik and his friends had decided to hang out at their regular spot. It was a joint Jadyn, Erik’s friend found. It had a music store in the front. Wall to wall with new and vintage CD’s, Tapes and Vinyl. But at the back was a lounging area, they served drinks. You also had the option to listen to what you had bought after.

Erik, Jadyn, Cole and Trey Had been coming here since high school. They loved it and they felt comfortable there. 

"Candice just texted me...Shit! I don't know what to do about her man. " 

Erik's friend Cole put down his phone and covered his face with both his hands after seeing a text from his ex-girlfriend.

Erik slid the phone down to his side of the table. "Let me see this."

He unlocked the phone and saw the massive text chain. 

“Are you still fighting with her?” Jadyn asked 

“Why do you even talk to her bro. She is so fucking toxic.....but then again she is thicker than a bowl o-“ Erik hit Trey in the chest 

“Shut up. He’s still in love with her. Don't do that. ” He let out a chuckle so did the others. 

“Are you done reading my shit.”

He skipped over the part where she was waffling about her feelings and read the last line.

"...Cole...she misses you and she wants to talk." Erik gave him a sly smile.

“We all know what that means?“ Trey let out. 

"I told you not to fall for bitches... pretty face, ass for days...now look. She be at your job, at your mom's....she acting like Mrs Cole Smith most of the time. "

Cole threw a punch at Erik's shoulder.

"Man stop acting like you the God at getting and letting go of bitches," Trey added

"You right I don't have to act. Cause I'm a God at that shit."

"that's because you're like Swae Lee...you only got one type...The high maintenance girls with daddy issues, who just wants to sit on your face and get a ride in your whip." Jadyn teased while throwing back a handful of salted peanuts

"Are you, by any chance insinuating that I only attract one type of girl and that I cannot keep any woman's attention," Erik said dramatically

Cole took a sip of his beer amused by Erik's realization. 

"Yes ...oh yes that exactly what I'm saying....since high school all the girls you've been with have looked the same...think about." 

Erik had never really thought about. He liked what he liked...so what, he thought.

"..There was Brenda, LaTisha, Linda..." Jadyn started raping the DMX verses. 

Erik deadpanned while Cole and Trey laughed out loud.

"....and the best part is even if you did go for a girl that wasn't your type ..she wouldn't like you....you suck when it comes to the romantic department. Man believe it or not but there are women out there who have standards."

"Any bitch would be lucky to have me look in their direction." Erik murmured

Cole coughed a bit and Erik felt offended.

"You very funny.... okay!... Check this out...prove it. You see that shawty over there..with the headwrap....the one in white." 

Erik turned. He saw you picking out vinyls. He looked you up and down.

"If you can get her to go on 10 dates with you and get her to drop the L word...and you can provide proof....we will give you 1 grand each."

"What! I do not have time for this bullshit." Jadyn blurted out

" Jadyn....tell me you don't want to see Erik The almighty pussy Slayer crash and burn.."

Cole egged him on.

While the three friends were arguing Erik locked his eyes on you. The Challenge sparked interest in him. 

You were different, definitely not his type. You had no large obnoxious name brand logo on your clothes or bag. Nor did you look like a conventional baddie that he usually goes for.

You looked like you smelled of vanilla and peach oils. Like you drank soya milk, meditated 3 hours a day and did yoga. He thought your body was cute..or nice ....the ass and titties could have been bigger though. Your hair didn't bother him. It looked pretty but he was just thinking about the logistics of it.

How does it look down?

How long was it? He wanted to know.

"Okay, I'll do it!" They went quite.

"You will?" Trey asked to verify

"Yeah. 10 dates? She has to say she loves me? Got It?” He was feeling confident. He leaned back in his chair. 

“Wait...one more thing you have to smash. “ 

“Yeah“ Cole shouted. “On the fifth date, you should have smashed... “ Erik nodded his head.

He stood up from his chair, downed his beer and walked over to you.

+++++++++++++++++++

“Why don't you get both.“ 

Your eyes shot up to him. He was too close to you so you stepped back wanted your personal space back. Erik noted that.

“I can't. I'm buying one for my dad and one for my uncle.“

“You're going to make your dad choose between Diana Ross and Ray Charles.“ You huffed at the stranger.

“He loves them both. But he can only get one.“ Erik looked over your face as you held the vinyls in your hand. Your face was soft and your lips pouty.

“What's your name?” he asked, eyes still on your soft golden skin.

“My name isn't going to help me pick one.“ you said in a whiny voice stressed about the decision you had to make. You really wanted to impress your father on his birthday. 

“ Well...I'm Erik..“

“I know. Your chain told the world your Erik...In what seems like 24k carats.“

“Okay ..let's make an exchange. I buy you any vinyls you want  and I take you out sometime.”

“Eww.“ Your outburst surprised Erik.

“Is that your game plan. Buy your way into my pants. I have my own money. Thank you.“

You move past him to the 90's sections. 

Browsing the Cds Erik followed. He had to come up with a better strategy. Throwing money at you wasn't going to work. He thought as you read the cd in your hand. 

Empathy. You looked like the caring type. Maybe you the type that falls for the weak and broken type of guy. He cleared his throat.

“Okay, my bad. I just...” He let out a fake sigh “ I just came out of a bad break up...Its been a while I mean.“

“....Shouldn't you give your heart time to heal from her....or him.“ You stepped away from him again. 

“Its been a year. I need to move on now.“ He looked down at his fingers, his face painted sadness. Of course, Erik was faking it but you fall for it. You noticed how handsome and tall he was. His locs. They were much shorter than yours but still suited him perfectly. He looked hurt. Seemed like whoever he spook of had hurt him pretty bad. 

“Y/N. My name is Y/N.“ 

“Y/N that's a beautiful name.“

“I'll make sure to tell my mom.“

Erik knew he had to act now while you were vulnerable to him.

“Let me take you out. One date if I bore you ...you won't have to see me again.“

“Okay.” You gave him your phone to type in his number, after saving it you warned him. 

“Don't mess with me, Erik. I'm serious. For your own good... “ You walked away to pay for the item you held to your chest. 

[naturaldisasterfanfiction]

12. Part 3

Pacing the length of my basketball court as I smoked my blunt, I mean I can’t of course smoke inside the home because Robyn is pregnant and also asleep still, I mean was she that tired. I can’t judge actually, the baby is probably taking it out of her but damn, she is snoring a lot and I found it funny. I was going to record her but that is rude, I can’t do that. I am happy, I am so happy to be here with Robyn, to have Robyn in my home is the biggest blessing. I love that woman to death, she doesn’t understand how much of a blessing she is to me because right now I would be probably with the niggas just smoking and talking shit, so right now I am facing reality and the reality is, I need to start living good, and being good. I know Robyn said for me to come to London, come with her but I have a lot of things to sort out here so I will just stay behind and sort some things out. I will actually attempt to go to London and probably ask Nia if I can take Royalty on a daddy and daughter holiday, just for the weekend. I will probably miss out on the baby shower because I feel like there is a lot of shit going on in that family, I don’t want to be there, but I am content with what I did so I am good. Putting my blunt out as I left my court, I was going to put it on the ground, but it will be me picking it up later. Making my way back inside the home “she like the way that I rock, she like the way that I woo” I sang to myself while bopping my head, I wonder if Robyn is awake “wow, finally” I said laughing at her, smiling from ear to ear, she looks so confused “why did you let me sleep?” she grumbled, oh she is miserable about it “because you was tired, I will be back” I need to throw this blunt in the trash, she is funny.

Sitting down on the couch with my cup, placing the cup between my legs “you look so moody, you slept and snored. Man, I ain’t ever hear you snore like that before” Robyn placed her hand over her face in shame “please don’t, oh my god. Mel said the same thing, it’s the baby. I don’t know, how shameful” Robyn looks ashamed “don’t be, it’s cool. You were cute, you well rested though. How you going to sleep tonight? It’s late now, let me feed you dinner” looking at my watch “I am supposed to be leaving for London in the morning” Robyn grunted placing the covers at the side of me “I can drop you off in the morning, I don’t mind” Robyn laughed “my breath is hot, damn. Can I have water, or whatever that is” looking down at my cup “oh you don’t want that, I can get you water” getting up “why, what is that?” I wish she didn’t “just a drink, it will give you gas” I lied as I walked off, sipping some of the lean “well I don’t want that, then why are you having it. Chris that better not be lean” opening the fridge “no it’s not” drinking some more and placed it in the fridge “it’s for my stomach. I have a bad system” grabbing the bottle of water for Robyn “you want me to open it for you?” opening the bottle for her anyways “ouch” I hit into the couch “here” passing the water bottle to her “thank you” throwing the bottle cap in the air and then catching it “no more hot breath now, so what you think? I have my home to myself, let me feed you” laying down on my couch and looking up at the ceiling “I need to pee” I like this feeling “you want me to help you” I said, I just said it but then laughed “shut up” laughing to myself.

Getting up from the couch “Robyn?” did she leave, I fell asleep “Robyn?” I said again getting up from the couch “here, I just went to pee” letting out an oh, I must have fell asleep for like a minute “cool, I just got worried that you left” she shook her head “would you lie to me?” she asked “no why? It’s you I wouldn’t” she knows that “then if I ask you something one more time you will just tell me the truth?” nodding my head “did you have lean?” I sighed out “it was just a little, calms my nerves. It helps me, like I ain’t doing no hardcore drugs, just a little lean. Calms my nerves, also my brain from being a hyperactive mess, it’s good” Robyn placed her hand on my chest “no, I say no. That is not it Chris, you are self-medicating that is not it. You said no drugs, you said it. Weed ok but not that fucking shit Chris!” Robyn shouted “I don’t want it Chris, any of that. Why would you do that, right in front of my face too. You want me to be here, be like we were in twenty twelve. We were a fucking mess Chris, what the fuck!” licking my lips putting my head down “it was just something little, like it wasn’t something big, I just need it sometimes” I have annoyed Robyn now “need or want?” pick it wisely, I sighed out “want” I mean I hope that is the better of them “then I want you to throw that shit away, what other shit you have in here. You are so fucking lucky I am not walking out of this bitch!” she spat “just that” I said, I lied because I have Molly and Percs in the home but it’s locked away and it’s not for me personally but it’s there, I don’t want her to walk out “listen to me Chris, you don’t need it. You want to slow your mind down for what? Stop your mind racing? If so, why? What is it racing for?” she asked “I have a lot of shit to do Robyn, I got to deal with it. I have to be there for you” I do need to be there for her “and I am here! I am here Chris; I am not going anywhere at all. You don’t need to rush shit, no drugs please” I guess I am in Robyn’ bad books now, I have ruined it.

Robyn watched me throw the shit away, she watched me do it to all three bottles I had left “I can’t babysit you Chris, do not get comfy thinking I won’t cut this off and I don’t want that, we are getting to a point where I want to tell that baby is not fatherless and you did this right in front on my face? Am I a fucking joke to you Chris, maybe everyone allows this, but I don’t, I am angry at you if you don’t fucking see it on my face!” I rather not see her face but it wasn’t that serious, I had some lean because my mind is on overdrive, I needed to calm it down but she is just there barking at me “I am going Chris” turning the tap on to watch the purple syrup go down the drain, I so feel bad but it was so harmless. Sometimes I need this shit to calm me down, but she doesn’t understand it, oh wait Robyn said she is going. Turning the tap off and grabbing the towel from the side “Robyn, shawty!” I ran around the counter “hey, please don’t go. Like listen to me, I didn’t mean to upset you. I swear I didn’t. Someone like me doesn’t change overnight but I never meant to upset you” Robyn glared at me, she is mad at me “but then you decided to have more? Why Chris, I am rooting for you. I am here for you and you did that in front of us, yes us. Me and our daughter, you know what just don’t. I am going, thanks for this but you know what, you may be fucking right to cry, if this is what you are doing. You wonder why you get upset when reality hits because you are doing this!” she shouted “you’re going to lose us” Robyn’ voice broke “I am riding on you to prove to people that I am right, that you are not the man they think but you are just showing that they are right and I look like the clown Chris, I do! For believing in you, you had to ruin today” she grabbed her jacket “please don’t go” holding onto her jacket also “why should I stay? I came to be here for you! Mentally here for you but instead you’re stressing me out” letting her jacket go, I don’t want to stress her out.

I am not sure what Robyn is thinking, she hasn’t called anyone yet “is this why Mijo gave up?” Robyn asked, I shrugged “I suppose but I meant no harm about it, I stopped whippets, and this just slows my mind down, don’t you get it. If it upsets you then I will stop” Robyn shook her head “no, you got to stop this. You change for your kids not me!” she spat “why when I love you Robyn, I have always loved you. It’s you that drives me crazy” Robyn looks deflated “and this is why I left you the second time” a sob left her lips “I was the cause of it, me. I am the issue with you, it’s me that doesn’t help you. I think I am helping, but I am not, you’re right I am driving you crazy, but I don’t want that. I felt helpless with you, so I had to walk away from you, I don’t help you. The love we hold is no good for each other Chris, I just don’t know what to do. I am bad for you” Robyn turned away from me, she is crying but I didn’t want that “please don’t cry Robyn, I never wanted that for you” I didn’t want any of this, I should have had it when she went but I got comfortable “I put my guard down and this happens, I am just no help for you Chris” walking around her “you are though! You gave me purpose, I want to change for you, I really do” Robyn shook her head “I drive you crazy, crazy to a point you feel your mind racing. You want, and want, and want and you know I am not yours and that alone makes you crazy, am I wrong?” shaking my head “I have to be with you to make sure you’re ok and that is bad Chris, how can I know you are ok when I am not here. I can’t look after you” looking at Robyn in sadness, Robyn grabbed my hand “you feel that? Feel it!” she spat; she placed my hand over her stomach “this is you stressing us out!” yanking my hand back after feeling the slight flutter against my hand.

Next time I will have to keep it to myself or better yet just not do it but I don’t want to lose Robyn, I don’t do whippets anymore, I just wanted to have something to calm my nerves but clearly I did wrong, I just didn’t like to think I am stressing my baby out, and Robyn also “so where do we go from here? I just don’t see it now, you can’t handle yourself, clearly fucking not. You just love going back, I don’t get it. You’re programmed to just do dumb shit, I am not even fighting to have you. I don’t even want you, I want my fucking daughter to have a father, I don’t want you Chris and the reason I don’t is because I can’t deal with your shit when I am so far ahead of you, I am at a different pace in life where you are still stuck in your twenties. You half assed change, you literally fucking did that to me, so where do we go from here? I am going now, you can chase me all you want because I will become very out of reach from you Chris, I fucking told you this” Robyn stared at me, she is very angry “speak!” she shouted “I am thinking” I am actually in a daze but hey, I can’t say that right now “I want you” Robyn groaned out “I am not going to be here Chris, I think we need to just stop it here. I don’t have the energy for this, I can’t chase you and do this every time. It’s not happening, you’re not even with me Chris, listen to me. Hear this, this ends here. I don’t want anything to do with you, I told you and I was not fucking playing” watching Robyn get her phone out “no please, listen to me. It’s not easy as it seems, ok I have that sometimes, but I have honestly changed with you, please. Just don’t go, I have changed, and you know it. I am trying, I admit” holding my hands up “it’s not easy for me, I can’t just turn it off like that. I was just not thinking, and I had it. You know me Robyn, don’t turn your back on me. I know you can just up and leave me and you have done it before, don’t do it to me because I will track you down, I did before and I will do it again and not stop, just don’t do that” Robyn dropped her phone on the counter top sighing out “I hate you” she mumbled “I hate me too” I guess we have no choice.

“I wish you just be real with me; I know it ain’t easy to stop something just like that. Why fake it, tell me. Say it to me, say Robyn I am finding it hard on this day, I did have this, but this is why, but I am trying. You are being sly with shit, that don’t run with me. I told you Chris, I do it my way with or without you. I am being fair to you, I am trying my best here to help you” I am shocked Robyn hasn’t left to be honest “you’re going to be not here though” she really isn’t “do you want me to wipe your ass? I am not your mother, I said support, not be here to physically to do shit for you. This is so fucking hard for me, for us! We are no good together, fuck!” Robyn spat “you are on a different wave to me, the wave you are on is wanting me, it’s me you want but it should be about the baby. Your kids but it isn’t. We are going to do this all night aren’t we? Until you can accept the kids come first, stop seeing me as a goal” I shook my head “so you are staying?” I asked, seems like it “before I leave, if I can try and make you see sense, then I am here but right now I just need some air. I am hot right now; I need to calm down. This is new to me; I need to remember and back off” Robyn walked off, we need some food here so I better order something.

[bordrlinebyebullstudy]

Day 2: Happy Thursday! I'm sleepy, it was a long day but I cannot start off this bible study by slackin'.

"...Cause if i keep on doing the things, that keep on bringing me pain, there's no one else I could blame, if I'm not happy." Right?!

Yes! 👌🏼

Today's BYE BULL STUDY SCRIPTURES ARE :

2 Samuel 13: 20-39

A continuation to yesterday's #rapestory.

Today we learn that Miss Tamar was stressed as one could only imagine, after being raped by her half brother and then kicked out the crib by his servant.

Homie (Amnon) took her virginity, had his people kick her out and lock the door in her face.

Shawty did the walk of shame to her other brother Absalom's crib.

Where it says "And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom's house, a desolate woman." 😥

What does it mean to be desolate?

According to https://www.merriam-webster.com › ...

(Entry 1 of 2) 1 : devoid of inhabitants and visitors : deserted a desolate abandoned town. 2 : joyless, disconsolate, and sorrowful through or as if through separation from a loved one a desolate widow. 3a : showing the effects of abandonment and neglect : dilapidated a desolate old house.

#MAJORBURN

• Absalom tried to comfort Tamar & persuade her not to turn the incident into a public scandal.

On the low, he planned to take revenge against Amnom himself. ( Which he did 2 yrs later. ) #plottwist

-Quotes-

:22_"Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister."

:23-28_"Two years later, ... Absalom ordered his men, " Listen! When Amnon is in high spirits from drinking wine and I say to you, ' Strike Amnon down,' then kill him. Don't be afraid. Have not I given you this order? Be strong and brave."

:29_ "So Absalom's men did to Amnon what Absalom had ordered. Then all the king's sons got up, mounted their mules and fled."

What did I learn:

Tbh, this one is type entertaining not for nothing.

It's like the bible's version of Love and Hip Hop.

Reality TV before TV, but heavy on the reality.

Which is that as a woman, you can never turn a blind eye to temptation. Even your brother is a man first.

The minute "Bro" ain't feeling friendly, skin is skin. Sis who?

Today I feel like this story happens all the time between "Bros". Like on some "Yo your Sis looking right Brodi, lemme hit that", type ish.

It's never a good look for the Sister to go there. Period.

But the desire for revenge that it stirs up in her other brother (Absalom) is bananas.

He dead started plotting to murder his brother.

I wonder how many men have had something like this happen to them?

Is he wrong for wanting to get him back for her?

What would that solve?

Would it really make him feel better?

& then after reading how he did it!

Smh 2 YEARS later! 🤯

That's heavy.

Major set up.

What can we learn from this terrible story:

1. Even the highest-ranking and best-equipped people are sinners and rebels at heart.

Which is why WE MUST guard our own hearts against sin and rebellion.

2. David (father of Amnon and Absalom) failed to teach his children God's ways. WE MUST teach and exemplify character and obedience to God.

3. David was preoccupied with government, wives, and concubines (mistresses) ; he failed to act decisively to correct the evil in his family.

At times, his guilt over his own sin caused him to decline (and neglect) to discipline his sons caught in similar sins.

THAT proved to be his family's undoing.

Whenever possible, WE MUST BREAK CYCLES of lust, hatred, and rebellion. To do so, we must stay involved in guiding our children's lives while they are still under our care.

- if you're like me and don't have kids yet, I'm sure you could think of an example from your own life of when your parents could have helped you avoid some evils of the world if they weren't preoccupied with men/women/relationships/bills/etc.

Alot can be learned from the turmoil in David's family. Sí o No?

Let's talk about it!