#shawnblrficawards

[nervousmendes]

Unsent Part 1 - Shawn Mendes

shawn x reader

a/n : so I'm finally back afer a really long break and I've been so excited to edit and post this one. I should also mention that is my first time writing angst so please be kind. any feedback would be much appreciated!

warnings : none, just 1.5k words of amateur angst and heartbreak

find more of my work : masterlist

It was a pleasant Saturday, the sun was long gone and the moonlight that spilled through the window was just enough to relax you while you worked on your research paper. Doing a PhD was never easy, and now that classes were going on in full swing, you were almost convinced that it was impossible. Your days mostly just consisted of you going to classes, working on essays, trips to the library and maybe watch a little Netflix before you hit the sack. It was a routine now, and you were always used to this life. You found your calm in the chaos whenever you could talk to your boyfriend who was touring somewhere in some city across the ocean. With your time zones never matching and him constantly traveling it was impossible to keep up with his schedule but you both did your best to stay as connected as possible.

When tour first kicked off, you missed Shawn so much. You hated the distance and you spent hours on end talking to him on facetime, blowing kisses and whining about wanting "virtual cuddles". It was a nightly ritual for the two of you to facetime immediately after his show, and since he was still in America at the time, it was easier to find a way to talk when you were both free. Even when you'd be too busy looking into your laptop screen while he was performing for thousands of excited teenagers every other night, there was some kind of warmth, some affirmation, that at the end of the day it was always going to be the two of you together until forever. Even though the physical distance made you sad, your relationship with him never seemed to burn out. Your love for each other was always so strong that the thought of being apart from each other never threatened your relationship.

But things shifted with time and the routine facetime calls went from after every show to every alternate show and then to every few days. You'd only text each other once or twice a day and it always felt like it was just for the sake of it. Sometimes you would go about your entire day and only realize before going to bed that you hadn't thought of him or spoken to him once throughout. You now knew more about him through his Instagram stories than you did from what he told you about tour. The quick ‘I love you’s exchanged before hanging up felt more mechanical than natural. Of course it hurt you, it made you feel guilty and made your heart ache at the same time, but you knew deep down that he was feeling that way too. It's not like he remembered to text you every single day either. It now turned into a subconscious competition of who would start the conversation first. Every text was thought out, typed, backspaced and rephrased. It felt like you didn't know each other as well as you once did. You would overthink not knowing whether a read receipt would do or a reply would be more reassuring. Everything seemed different, and not at all in a good way. As much as you hated to even think of it, a part of you felt that maybe you didn't love him anymore but your heart would never let you admit that.

You often went to bed not feeling sleepy at all, replaying all the memories from the initial stages of your relationship. The giddy first date, the awkward first kiss, the butterflies, the cheesy gifts and all the sneaking around. It felt like you were both different people back then. And maybe you just grew up or grew out of it, but does real love ever fade away? Does it suddenly empty itself and leave a void in your heart? How does it just make everything go away? You always thought, no you knew that he was the one. You still remember eighteen months ago at the fair, when he went down on one knee holding a huge stick of cotton candy in his hand, asking you to be "his honorable girlfriend until the end of time" and promised to never break your heart, you kissed him with everything in you right outside the Ferris wheel knowing in your heart that you already kind of wanted this forever. He had always been the one.

You both appreciated the little things, it was kind of what built your relationship with him. The reassuring glances from across a crowded room that made you uncomfortable, the hand around your waist when a distant friend would be “too nice” to you or the way his fingers played with your hair after a long, disheartening day were some of the many things you loved about your relationship with him. You always felt the need to be physically connected to him and it was almost common knowledge that Shawn's love language too was touch. You desperately missed the way his hand would automatically lace with yours while you walked together and the warmth it spread in you when his hands would go to the back of your neck to leave a tender kiss to your lips. And when one of you had a rough day, the other would kiss the stray tears away and you would both hold each other so tight until your ragged breaths would slow down and your hearts would beat to the rhythm of each other's pulse. All of that now felt like a distant memory, it was like you had him and lost him at the same time. Everything you once had with each other slipped right through your fingers. You would kill to go back in time and figure out anything you could've done differently to give this all a miss because the thought of even having to talk about the collected weight on both of your chests physically pained you. What if this was over? And even if it's not, what if there's nothing left to give? How were you going to go on knowing he's not yours anymore? While you learnt to live a life without him, you never once forgot that he would come right back to you. And now maybe he won’t and there’s nothing you could do about it. So many questions and so many thoughts ran through your head as you were still staring at the text you received about five minutes ago.

Hey I landed sometime back. On my way to Pickering. See u tomorrow?             - Shawn

No “babe”. No “honey”. Nothing about the movies he watched on the flight, or the occasional "Omg we're SO watching it together". It was a plain text just to keep you informed. Mechanical. You thought back to the last time he came home from tour, when he first showed up at your door and pushed for you to come spend the weekend with him and his family in Pickering. Gone were those days when he'd ring you up as soon as he had service on his phone again to tell you how tiring the flight was or how much he hated the food, and on hearing that you would order his favourite pizza before he got home. You read and re-read the insipid words on your screen and after a lot of thinking, with a doubtful mind, you typed out a simple response. 

Yes. Hope your flight was okay, get some rest tonight!

After humming and hawing for long enough, you hit send and patiently waited for the thumbs up he left under your text as an instant response. His lack of interest in continuing the conversation did sting, but you quickly pushed it away considering the fact that you were going to meet him the very next day and he’d clearly already had a tiring flight back to Toronto. You shifted around, pulling your blanket closer up to your face and just as you turned away and closed your eyes, the screen of your phone lit up again.

We need to talk, don't we... - Shawn

Shawn sat in his car parked outside his childhood home, right leg bouncing unconsciously and staring intently at the text he had just sent. He patiently waited for it to go from 'delivered' to 'read'. But it didn't. His bouncing leg was now shivering and the words he regretted typing out were staring right back at him. His fingers trembled over the screen, and with a shaky breath he unsent the message without giving it another thought. He took his bags and walked up to Karen and Manny at the door smiling widely as he silently thanked technology for saving him. But little did he know that your eyes were on the screen of your phone as you read those nauseating words under his contact name, and then watched the pop up disappear a minute after.

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

I'm already working on part 2 and I can't wait to post it soon!! hope you liked this <3

dm me or reply to get added/removed from my taglist.

taglist : @theregoesmyherojd @shawnmendez @mendesficsxbombay @madatmendes @samaratheweirdo @mendesassemble @vinylmendes @ghostofjuls @shawnsreputation @amateurwriter27 @shawnblrficawards @shawnsprincesse

[ificanthaveu]

My Muse || Shawn Mendes

Description: The snow has fallen for the first time this year, and like always, you’re Shawn’s favorite muse. 

A/N: this was initially day 12 but I flipped them because this one is a lil shorter so i figured I'd have a longer one for the finale. but I’m scheduling them all now (it’s Christmas eve morning as I’m typing this) since, after this, ya girl is booked and busy) but enjoy day 11!!! merry Christmas eve to those who celebrate :)

Word Count: 1.7k

12 Days of Ficmas

You could tell it had snowed the moment you woke up. You could never quite describe the feeling. The feeling of waking up, curtains still closed, and just knowing that it had snowed outside. 

You could remember waking up when you were a kid and walking out to your living room and before you even turned into it, knowing it had snowed out. 

So that morning, when you woke up, Shawn softly snoring next to you, you knew it had snowed. 

You hopped out of bed and whisked open the curtains in your bedroom. 

And you were right. 

Fresh snow laid across your yard. 

You could hear Shawn groan at the sudden bright light and shift away from it. 

“It’s too early,” he mumbled, his face buried in the pillow. 

You jumped back onto the bed, flipping him over to straddle his waist. 

“It snowed,” you whispered before pecking his nose.

He rubbed his eyes awake before resting his hands on your hips and looking out the window and smiling. 

“Well, look at that,” he said softly. “I’m going to have to shovel.”

“I’ll help,” you said as you patted his chest and stood up to go pull on your winter clothes. 

“Babe, we can do it later,” he said as he sat up against the headboard. 

“Let’s just get it done with, and then we can play in the snow,” you said with a big grin. 

Shawn returned the grin, so in love with how you were still so young at heart. 

That’s what pulled him out of bed and to his closet to pull on his thickest pair of pants and his winter coat as you layered up as well. 

The two of you shuffled out of the house and into the garage to grab your shovels.

The two of you worked in opposite directions, starting at opposite sides of the driveway. You carefully shoveled each row before throwing the snow into your yard. 

Shawn cleared out the bottom of the driveway as you finished your last row. You set your shovel down and grabbed a handful of snow, carefully sculpting it into a ball as you stared at the back of Shawn’s head. 

You aimed it carefully before launching it towards Shawn. 

It hit him square in the back of the head, and he lurched forward from the impact. He didn’t turn around and carefully set down the shovel as you erupted in a fit of giggles, falling back into the snow. 

Shawn slowly turned around, smirking at you. 

“You think that’s funny, huh?” he said as he slowly walked towards you. 

You scrambled up and tried to run across the lawn, your feet sinking in with each step. 

You could hear him getting closer and closer as you tried to run faster, but ultimately, just got slower. 

Shawn’s arms snaked around your waist and lifted you up and out of the snow before throwing you in the pile you had just created from the driveway. 

You heard popped out of the top as Shawn held his chest and tried to control his laughing. 

“Not funny!” You yelled through a laugh. 

“Then why are you laughing?” He questioned, still through a laugh. 

You stood up and walked towards Shawn, grabbing a scoop of snow as you walked up to him. He was oblivious as he wiped the tears out of his eyes. 

You walked up to him and crossed your arms. 

“You’re cute,” he said with a smile as he looked down at you, covered in snow from head to toe.

“So are you,” you paused. “Do you know what would make you cuter?”

With that you took your handful of snow and smacked it on top of his head, the snow falling down in clumps in front of his face as he gasped. 

“So cute,” you said with a grin and a shrug. “Now we’re even.”

“We are not even. You started this!” He reminded you with a laugh. 

He scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder as he carried you deeper into the yard. You beat your hands on his back, begging him to let you go through your laughter. 

He loosened his grip on you, holding you horizontal with the ground, your head just inches from the snow. You gripped onto him tighter this time. 

“Please don’t drop me, Shawn. Please, I’m begging you. It’ll get all in my jacket if you drop me at this angle,” you rambled as you gripped onto his jacket.

He crooked his head to the side and smiled at you, “I know, my love.”

He dropped you into the snow and you gasped as the snow made its way into your jacket. You popped up quickly, trying to shake out the cold snow from inside your sweatshirt as Shawn just stood back and watched. 

“Ok,” you said as you put your hands up. “We’re even, and I’m wet.”

“Let’s go inside,” he said as he reached his hand out for you. 

You took a hold of it as you swung your arms back and forth between you, making your way back into the house. The two of you stopped just beyond the door and stripped off your jackets. You shivered and rubbed your arms, the snow still in parts of your sweatshirt. 

Shawn noticed and motioned for you to take it off, handing you his in the process. You switched with him, and he threw it down with the rest of the laundry. 

“I’m freezing,” you mumbled as you pulled the hood up on his sweatshirt and tightened it up. 

“Go get a blanket and lay on the couch. I’ll grab coffee,” he said before kissing your forehead. 

Shawn put on a pot of coffee on as you grabbed a few blankets to surround yourself with on the couch. 

A few minutes later, Shawn walked into the living room with two mugs of coffee to see you wrapped up in three blankets. 

“Is there even room for me?” He asked you as he set down the mugs on the table. 

“Nope,” you mumbled from inside the heap. 

“You know I’m warmer than those blankets,” he said in a sing-song voice as you poked your head out and glared at him. 

You unwrapped yourself and moved forward. He slid in behind you, so you could lay back on his chest. The two of you pulled the blankets back up before Shawn handed you your mug. 

You both sat in silence as you warmed up and drank your coffee. 

“Warm now?” He said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

You hummed in response and nodded your head before leaning up to kiss his cheek. 

“We should finish Christmas shopping today,” you mumbled as you handed him your mug to put back on the table. 

“That sounds like a tomorrow thing,” he said as he wrapped an arm around your waist and then laid the two of you down farther. 

“Shawn,” you warned. “You know today is the last day that we actually have time.”

“But I just wanna lay here all day,” he mumbled, burying his head into your hair. 

“How about we lay here until 1:00 and then go finish shopping?” You said as you traced delicate lines on his wrist. 

“I’ll tell you if I agree once 1:00 hits,” he whispered. 

You turned to your side, resting your cheek against Shawn’s chest. 

“I’m taking a nap,” Shawn said through a yawn from above you. “You woke me up too early.”

You hummed as you felt your eyes droop while Shawn played with the tips of your hair. 

“Christmas shopping can wait until later,” you mumbled as you drifted off. 

You could feel him laugh before he said, “That’s what I thought.”

You woke up a few hours later when you could feel Shawn shifting underneath you. 

“You can go back to sleep,” he whispered. “I just need to get some water.”

You sat up so he could get out before laying back down and pulling the covers up to your chin, drifting back into a half-sleep.

Shawn grabbed a bottle of water and leaned against the doorway, admiring how you looked in the dim lighting. 

Instead of going back to you, he wandered into the other room and started writing, suddenly feeling the inspiration.

He lost track of time until he heard your footsteps walking up to the door. 

“Whatcha doing, rock star?” you asked. 

“Writing,” he said as he finished writing down a line and then turned to look at you, wrapped up in one of the blankets. 

You shuffled in and got comfortable in the chair in the corner that you often inhabited in times like these. 

“Anything good?”

“All of it’s good.”

“Well…”

“Don’t go there, love,” he said with a laugh. 

You smiled at him from the corner of the room. 

“I’m assuming a love song because you just love me so much?” you said. 

“A Christmas song actually,” he said back.

“Shawn Mendes? Finally writing a Christmas song?” you gasped. “I have to hear it.”

“I don’t even have half the song completed,” he said as he looked at his many notes that didn’t make sense. 

“Play it for me anyways,” you said softly. 

He couldn’t say no to that and played the first verse he had written, recounting the moments you just shared out in the snow and then on to say that he can’t imagine Christmas anywhere else. 

You beamed at him from your spot, not being able to help the big smile across your face. 

You stood up and kneeled next to him on the piano bench. 

“I love it,” you said as you looked at the lyrics written in front of him. 

“That’s because it’s about you,” he whispered. 

“Is it?” you said innocently. “I had no idea.”

He shook his head at you before pulling your legs so they laid across his own. 

“This one might be my new favorite,” you said confidently. 

“That’s a hard expectation to live up to,” he said as he looked at you. “You really love the first song I wrote for you, and the one I proposed with.”

“But this one’s different,” you said. “Because it’s about something so simple. So normal. There’s just something really beautiful about that.”

Shawn smiled at you before pressing a kiss to your cheek. 

“You’re my muse. Always.”

REPLY, REBLOG, SEND ME SHIT, I LOVE ATTENTION

taglist: @fallinallincurls​ @sunrise-shawn​ @shawnblrficawards​ @itrocksmysocks​ @mendesficsxbombay​ @particularnervous​ @adelaidestreets​ @rosebudmendes​ @shawnwyr​ @dancing-oceans​ @illuminatepotter​

[aereres]

Christmas With The Mendes’ - Werewolf!Shawn AU

Summary: Shawn finds his mate in the streets of Toronto, and makes her spend her first real Christmas with his family.

A/N: Wanna try for the Christmas @shawnblrficawards so here I go...

Word Count: 1,4k

Warnings: none?

Christmas at the Mendes’ house was something amazing. The first time I experienced it was when I first met Shawn. It was during the most difficult time of my life, just when my parents kicked me out of their house because, as they said, I wasn’t something to be proud of.

I was shivering while sitting on a sidewalk in the periphery of Toronto, the cold air making its way down my lungs. I was hugging my small frame in my arms, trying to find some comfort and warming myself up, the jacket I was wearing too thin to keep me warm, maybe perfect for the spring’s chilly air.

It was Christmas Eve, most of the shops were closed and no one was supposed to be walking near here.

But there he came. 

He was tall, he had a Christmas hat, too small for the nest of chocolate curls on top of his head, and his long legs were carrying him just towards me. He was handsome. I could sniff his cinnamon smell when he bent down in front of me.

“Hi,“ he said.

“Hi,“ I shivered, softly.

“Here, take this“ he handed me his big coat to wrap around my shoulders. “A beautiful girl like you shouldn’t be out here with this cold weather,“ he chuckled out.

“I’m Shawn,“ he smiled, revealing his fangs. He was a werewolf, just like most of my old friends.

“Y/N,” I said, shaking his hand. When our hands connected, I felt a spark spasm my whole body. A bunch of different emotions made their way to my brain as I looked at his face, both of us looking completely shocked.

“You’re my mate,“ he whispered, a hand resting on my cold cheek. “I found you”

“How can this be possible?” I said, too shocked for this whole conversation.

“I don’t know. But you can feel the sparks too, Y/N, I know you do,” Shawn said.

“I-I do,“ I whispered as I rested my hand on top of his, somehow feeling the connection between us.

“Do you have a place to stay?“ he asked after looking at me in the eyes for a couple of seconds.

“N-not really, “ I said, looking at the ground, ashamed of my conditions. His hand lifted my chin up so I could look at him in the eyes again, his filled with concern and... Love?

“Come with me, you can stay at my house,“ he said as he held my hand in his. My first thought was to just stay there in the cold air, I mean I didn’t know the guy, but my heart told my brain to give in and follow him. I nodded my head softly following him through the streets as I still felt sparks all over my body.

------

 A small car ride later and we were facing a big family house, two other cars pulled up in the driveway. The front yard and the porch were surrounded by Christmas decorations and lights that illuminated the whole house.

Shawn held my hand as we walked to the front door, knocking with the other one as he looked at me. A man in his fifties opened the door, a shocked look on his face as he saw my small frame beside Shawn’s tall one.

“Son, I didn’t know you were such a gentleman with ladies. You got out of this house single ten minutes ago and got back with a girl by your side,” the man joked, fully opening the door for us to get in.

“Karen! Shawn brought someone home!“ he screamed at probably his wife in the kitchen preparing the food for the family dinner that night.

“Dad!” Shawn scolded his dad. “Y/N, this is my dad Manny, and that’s my mum Karen behind the counter,“ he said, growling softly at his dad.

“Hi, sir. Shawn, don’t growl at your dad!” I said, shaking Manny’s hand.

“C’mon sweetie, it’s not a big deal, call me Manny,“ he said as he took Shawn’s coat off my shoulders.

“Thanks, Manny,“ I said, a small smile playing on my lips as Shawn led me to the kitchen so I could properly greet his mother.

“Hi honey, call me Karen. Sorry, I can’t shake your hand right now,” she said with her sweet British accent as she kept making her cake.

“I’m Y/N. Do you need a hand, Karen?“ I said.

“No, don’t worry, hun. Go have some fun with your mate,” she winked as she shooed us away from the kitchen.

“How do they know?” I ask Shawn when we sit on the couch, facing the TV that played an old Christmas movie.

“I mind-linked them, and they can feel our connection,“ he said as he pulled me closer to his frame.

I felt it too, the connection. It was strange: I met this guy just half an hour ago and here I am, resting in his warm embrace like a long lost lover.

“It’s weird. You know, this mate stuff. I feel like I’ve known you for years but I just met you,“ I whispered as I looked up at him, my hand drawing patterns on his broad chest.

“I know, but I promise you we will keep it slow,“ he whispered, kissing my forehead softly.

“C’mon, you’re spending Christmas with us, let’s go get prepared,“ he said, patting my thigh as a way to tell me to stand up.

------

Dinner was amazing, the Mendes' were treating me like I was someone from their family and honestly, I've never felt that way with my own family. It was the best Christmas I've ever had. 

I got to meet Aaliyah, Shawn's little sister, and her boyfriend Jordan and his parents. After staying at the dining table for more than two hours, we decided to get ready for bed. Instead of sleeping in the guest room, I decided to sleep with Shawn is his childhood room. 

We laid down facing each other, one of his big hands on my hips, as we looked at each other in the eyes, the dim lights of the lamp on his bedside table making his already pretty face even prettier. 

"Thank you" I whisper. 

"For what, pup?" 

"For helping me. I mean, without you at this point I would have been freezing in the streets of Toronto" I said, caressing his cheek. 

“You don’t have to worry about that, it’s what everyone would have done,“ he said, kissing my forehead sweetly. “Go to sleep, pup. Tomorrow there’s gonna be my whole family over, it’s gonna be so exhausting,”

“Okay. Good night, Shawn,“

“Good night, pup,“

------

The next morning I woke up around eight, I made my way down the stairs and helped Karen with preparing all the food for Christmas Day. Aaliyah eventually made her way down the stairs half an hour later, helping her mum too.

Manny was the first man to come down, giving Karen a small peck on her lips and starting to make breakfast for everyone. After him, Jordan appeared in the kitchen, sweetly greeting everyone with a sleepy ‘good morning’ and kissing his girlfriend’s cheek.

Shawn was the last one to come down, his curls were all over the place as he scratched the back of his head, a yawn coming out of his oh too soft lips. He reached the kitchen, leaving a kiss on top of his sister’s and his mum’s heads, then moving onto me.

His long and muscular arms made their way around my waist, holding me close to his chest. “Merry Christmas, pup,“ he whispered as he kissed my temple, the simple gesture making my insides clench.

“Merry Christmas,“ I said too while I kept helping Karen with the meal.

“How’d you sleep?” he asked.

“Like a baby,” I giggled out as I rested my hands on top of his on my stomach.

“Same,” he said as he poured a cup of coffee for the both of us, making me sip from it every now and then.

“You’re the best Christmas present I’ve ever had,“ he whispered in my ear, not letting the others listen to what he just said. “Really, you won to my first guitar, pup,“ he chuckled.

“Are you really comparing me to a guitar, Mendes?“ I giggled.

“Sorry,“ he laughed out, kissing my cheek softly.

And it was at that moment that I realized how lucky I was: to have someone who really loved me, a family that treated me like I belonged with them, to see my future right in my lover’s eyes.

I was the luckiest person I knew, and I couldn’t stop the happiness that radiated off me because of it.

All just because of him: my man, my lover, my mate.

[fallinallincurls]

#SMFicRecFriday- 5.21.20 Edition: Binge It!

sorry for the late post (yesterday was an absolute disaster) but it’s another amazing idea from the lovely @kerwritesthings! thanks for the tag K and @wholesomemendes!

i binge read fics like i read my real books so there’s A LOT. 

first off, i’ve been keeping up with @wholesomemendes‘s masterlist because everything she writes is absolutely amazing and never ever fails to blow me away. her talent is unreal and her pieces have become my favorites to reread!

i just started @palhacomendes‘s series titled “saved” because twilight has me feeling the need for all the vampire!shawn i can get and i have yet to finish this series, but it’s fantastic! i’ve also been working through her masterlist is general.

i always find myself rereading through both @curlsofshawn‘s masterlist since all of her pieces are just great reads and just make you fall in love with the plot lines of each one. her work was one of the first i found when i joined so it’s only natural that i go back to it often!

and thanks to @shawnblrficawards, i’ve been reading through all the nominated and winning pieces/masterlists as well. there’s some CRAZY talent on this site and we all need to appreciate our writer friends.

tagging @lights-on-mendes @imaginashawnns @2018shawn @watchmegetobsessed @shawnmndes @rainbowshawn @adelaidestreets

[evanstanhoney]

any recommendations for a shawn fic with a super interesting plot?

If I’m being honest I haven’t read anything in a hot minute but off the top of my head, anything by @zankivich is good. I really like @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o‘s stuff as well! There’s one called Making a Pack and I reread it like all the time its my favorite thing ever. and then @smallerinfinities stuff is a good binge read as well. Meet the Teacher is just *chefs kiss*.  But there are literally so many talented writers here with good plots! These are just the ones that I could think of off the top. If you head over to @shawnblrficawards there’s TONS of fic lists that have been nominated or have won! I’d head over there and look through, see if you see anything that you like! 

[jawnjendes]

bonus: i am all of me | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: the goth gf series is now a finalist in the @shawnblrficawards which is???? so fucking wild??? ppl care abt my story??? so yeah, to celebrate HERE IS A THROWBACK by throwback i mean this takes place in the university days, before the shawn meets series

goth gf masterlist | vote for goth gf maybe? | shawn meets masterlist

For someone who deviates the norm on a regular basis, I hung out with a lot of normal people. Most of my “goth” friends were back home in California, and the only “goth” friend I had here in Toronto was Patrick Markowski. He preferred not to be around the normies I hung out with, so it was just me against the world sometimes.

It’s not like I meant for my friend group to end up like this. At first, my only normal friend was Stella. But Stella was friends with Camila, who was friends with Shawn, who had been dating me for the last three months. Shawn was quite popular around campus, and he was always seen talking to someone. People liked him, and he loved people. I preferred laying low and being invisible, even though that was hard to do.

I was always in black lace, fishnets, platforms, or all of the above. I was rarely caught without my hair in my face or my signature winged liner. Putting me next to a normal guy was odd, and that wasn’t hard to notice. If Shawn introduced me to a stranger, that stranger always had the mildly disapproving stare. Not to mention, one of his friends just viewed me as the target to playfully bully.

When it came from the group of normal people I hang around with, it’s fine. Shawn’s best friend, Brian, constantly took the piss out of me. It was our primary form of communication at this point. I wear black, I steal souls and drink virgin blood. I can joke about it too. I actually liked it sometimes. It was fun to joke about my plan to steal Shawn’s heart and sacrifice it to Satan. Just girly things, y’know?

There’s something I didn’t appreciate, though. And it didn’t come from Brian or Shawn or anyone, really. It came from my own pride and lack of brain cells. It took one random game of Odds On with Camila that brought me face to face with a monstrosity and the realization that I may take this goth thing more seriously than I thought.

Camila was grinning as she held up the pink, ruffly dress. “You’re gonna look so pretty.”

Behind her, Stella was giggling. She witnessed the Odds On and was there to make sure I kept my word.

The dress was short sleeved, and the ruffles made a very poofy skirt. The pink was a horrifying pastel that made my skin crawl. I didn’t mind colors as long as I’m wasn’t the one wearing them.

“What dumpster did you pull that out of?” I asked.

“Forever 21!” Camila happily replied, laying the dress down on my bed.

“And you literally just bought this today?”

“Yup! You can keep it after as a token of my friendship.” She stuck her tongue out. “So, from sun up to sun down tomorrow, you have to wear this. And I have to see you at least once so I know you didn't cheat! No changing either!”

I always kept my word, almost to a fault. That’s why I didn’t bring up the knot in my stomach, or the dread hanging on my shoulders to anyone. I didn’t mention how pushing someone out of their comfort zone could do more harm than good. It was just a silly little bet. It was just clothing. I shouldn’t have been so worried about it.

That didn’t exactly stop me from telling Shawn about it over FaceTime. I kept my frustrations on a low simmer, knowing that Camila was one of my boyfriend’s friends.

“So don’t do it,” Shawn told me. “It’s a meaningless bet, right?”

“But I made a promise, and Camila already spent money at Forever fucking 21!”

“Mm, you do hate that store.”

“So much… Fuck, I’m actually dreading tomrrow.”

“Aw, babe…” He looked at me for a moment. “What if you fake sick? It’ll be believable since you get sick a lot.”

I hummed. “I’d have to wear it the next day. The point is for me to look stupid and out of character in public.”

“What if you accidentally damage the dress?”

“She’ll know I did it on purpose, and then I’d end up owing her…” I reached for the flimsy fabric on the floor and found the tag. “Thirty-five dollars?!”

Shawn didn’t say anything for a second. “Well… at least you look cute in pink!”

That made me groan in annoyance. No one seemed to get it. “It doesn’t matter how cute I look! It’s not my color! I’m gonna look so out of it and, and... “ I sighed and threw the dress back on the floor.

~

A deep pit formed in my stomach overnight. I wished it was enough to keep me bedridden, but the dress was going to be worn no matter what. I got ready for my morning classes as I normally did. Intense liner, black lipstick, kept my hair down. Put the dress on and paired it with my combat boots. Once I looked as least uncomfortable as could be, Stella came knocking on the door.

“Let me see, let me see!”

I couldn’t even fake a smile as I opened the door. Actually, I scowled at my roommate, who had her phone out. The flash went off, and I immediately used my bedroom door to shield myself.

“No pictures!” I snapped.

“Oh come on! Camila has to see that you followed through!” Stella replied. When I ignored her, she sighed. “Okay, my phone is in my pocket! And we’ll see Camila later today, anyway!”

I poked my head out the door, making sure my roommate kept her word. Still, nothing could really make this better. Well, apart from getting rid of the stupid dress.

"Let's get today overwith," I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

Thankfully, Camila forgot to get a matching coat for today's look, so I found refuge in my leather jacket. That made going to classes a little easier, but I still felt out of place and just… not good. No one in my classes cared about how I looked, and that was fine. The permanent scowl on my face kept the guys in gaming club from saying anything at all too. My problem wasn't the fear of being singled out and made fun of. That happened when I dressed normally, I was immune to that.

Trust me, I was very aware of how dramatic I looked all the time. I knew just how odd I looked with my group of normal friends and my normal boyfriend. That's just how I am, and that's probably what bugged me. I was blending in too much, and it was so far from me that I wanted to jump out of my own skin.

Every part of me wanted to just fuck off to my dorm after my psychology class, but I had to remember my promise to Camila. She had to see for herself that I followed through. She sent a text asking to meet her at one of the picnic tables on the courtyard, and I knew damn well it wasn't going to be just her.

The distaste on my face was amusing to Camila, Stella, Brian, and Connor as I approached the table. I had my arms folded as their faces lit up in shock.

"Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Camila giggled. "I can't believe you did it!"

I only chewed the inside of my cheek. Then, I turned to Brian, who was beside himself with silence. It's better than laughing in my face, I suppose.

"Go ahead, lay it on me," I told him.

"I would," he replied, "but Shawn…"

"Huh?"

The other three at the table were nodding in agreement. Camila pointed behind me, so I looked.

My jaw dropped.

There he was, six foot something in the exact same pink, ruffled dress as me. The top half of the dress was tight over his broad chest, it probably didn't zip all the way. The skirt was very short, showing a lot of Shawn's thighs. He bounded over to the table like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Hey guys," he greeted, slinging his arm around me.

I was still caught with my mouth open at the sight of him.

"Oh my god," Camila said, floored.

"Well, don't we look pretty?" Brian said with a laugh.

"I'm always pretty, thanks," Shawn replied, dramatically running his fingers through his hair.

I was still silent. I didn't even know where to begin: The fact that the top half of the dress was one wrong move away from ripping? The fact that Shawn was on the receiving end of Brian's roasting? The fact that Shawn heard my mindless venting and took matters into his own hands? Or the fact that he did this shit instead of simply bringing me a bigger jacket? There was just too much to unpack here.

That, and a new appreciation for this guy I was dating. My shocked expression had morphed into a soft grin the longer I watched him casually talk with his friends.

It was a thoughtful(?) gesture, but it didn't fix anything.

~

I followed Shawn home like a lost puppy at the end of the school day. Apart from teasing thigh touches, neither of us had properly talked about our matching attire. Shawn talked about everything no matter what, so this was a little strange.

It was strange because I wanted to talk about it.

"So," I began when we were in his car, although I quickly realized I didn't know how to go about this. "Um… what the fuck?"

Shawn glanced at her once as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Huh?”

I gestured to the outfit, an expectant look on my face.

“Oh, that,” he said. “I figured you wanted the attention off of you.”

“So you got the same dress?”

“I got the same dress.”

There was a pause as I looked at him, a half smile on my face. My brain was still having trouble processing the fact that he did this… for me. Or, at all.

“Well…” I trailed off, pushing away the cheesy words threatening to spill out. “...that was pretty cool. Thanks.”

Shawn reached across the center console and took my hand. “You sounded pretty upset on FaceTime. I just wanted to make it a little easier for you.”

“It’s no big deal.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but decided against it.

“What?” I asked. You can’t just do that and expect me not to question it.

Apparently, that was all Shawn needed for him to spill. “You made it seem like it was the end of the world. You kept saying that you had to follow through, but you weren’t happy about it at all. Even for a meaningless bet. I’m just wondering why.

“Uh…”

“You don’t have to tell me, of course,” he quickly added. “Whatever you want. I can listen, or we can pretend like this day never happened.”

If he had been looking at me and not the road, then this would have been an easy choice. Forget everything and burn the dress. But there was no eye contact in this vehicle. The words that had piled up in my throat since the bet finally started to spill out.

"Not to be all, 'it's not a phase mom,'" I began, "but the chokers, the dark makeup, and the skulls? It's all I am. It's apart of me. I was in black onesies as a baby. That whole subculture is my sense of belonging. The dark, creepy shit the mainstream world hates is my happy place. And it was taken away from me today.”

“So why didn’t you explain that to Camila? She would have understood.”

“I didn’t say anything because I would have gotten upset. Or worse, I would have cried.” I sighed. “Besides, it’s just clothing. It’s all vanity. It’s stupid for someone to throw a fit over things like that.”

I kept my eyes out the window. Shawn gently squeezed my hand to get me to turn back to him.

“It’s not stupid,” he told me. “You said it’s where you belong, and there’s nothing stupid about that. If how you express yourself is important to you, then no one can tell you otherwise.”

Oof, there’s that sting in my throat. I placed my free hand on top of his. “No offense to your friend, but if she wasn’t so taken with my friend, I would have clocked her for suggesting this in the first place.”

Shawn chuckled, then paused. “Wait. Taken with? Camila is taken with Stella?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem close, I just didn’t wanna start anything with Camila, for Stella's sake."

"Gotcha. So…" Shawn's tone indicated that the subject was changing. "You gonna let me rip that dress off of you when we get to my place?"

"Mm… yeah."

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss

[ghostofwriting]

Thank you so much to whoever nominated Decisions for @shawnblrficawards!

I really appreciate it so much. I love y’all so much ❤️

[harryandmolly]

Honored to be considered for @shawnblrficawards! Both ICWI and WTWST are so close to my heart. And writing with my @achinglyshawn is one of my great joys of my life. 💜

[bisexualdaemon]

thanks for the nominations, guys ❤️ college!Shawn and sub!Shawn appreciate your love!

@shawnblrficawards

[shawnblrficawards]

Shawnblr Fic Award Nominees - Spring 2020

Updated: May 2, 2020

***LINKS ONLY WORK ON ORIGINAL POST, NOT REBLOGS***

Best Fic <5K

Sock • @watchmegetobsessed

Worse Than a Curse • @sweetwritesx

Privacy • @watchmegetobsessed

Better Than Sex • @shawnsmoose

If I Have to I’ll Wait Forever • @mendesficsxbombay

Laundrymat Kisses • @fallinallincurls​

Loving You is the Antidote • @mendesficsxbombay​

Don’t You Wanna See These Clothes On Me • @mendesficsxbombay​

Quarantine & Chill • @2018shawn

The Final Attempt • @wholesomemendes

Vanity Fair • @bubbashawn

Hair Salon • @lostinshawnsmemory

Golden • @illumecherry

Soundproof • @harryandmolly

All’s Fair in Love & Basketball • @kerwritesthings

Make You Feel My Love • @kerwritesthings​

Lost Pass • @wordsandshawn​

Heartbeat Inspiration • @kerwritesthings

Slap Shot • @in-boys-we-thirst

Best Fic 5K+

2:00AM • @ificanthaveu

Number 20 • @watchmegetobsessed

Caught Up • @rainbowshawn​

Might Just Be My Everything and Beyond • @shes-soparticular​

Your Boyfriend Is... • @mendesficsxbombay​

Choices • @watchmegetobsessed​

Still Into You • @shawnjpeg​

Fix You • @softboyshawn

Playing It Cool • @mendeshoney

An Office Love Story • @fallinallincurls

South of the Equator • @kerwritesthings

Perfect • @heywritersblock

Start of Our Love Story • @kerwritesthings

Beg • @shawn-mendes-thirst

Best Fluff

Sock • @watchmegetobsessed​

If I have to I’ll Wait Forever • @mendesficsxbombay​

Your Boyfriend Is... • @mendesficsxbombay​

Midnight & You • @mendesficsxbombay​

Best of Women • @serendipitousshawn

Cuddlebug • @shawnsmoose

Happy • @maybiemendes

Her Guitar • @shawnm521

Team Manager • @shawnm521

Playing It Cool • mendeshoney

October •  @wholesomemendes

An Office Love Story • @fallinallincurls

Laundrymat Kisses • @fallinallincurls

Lost in Japan • @shawnmndes

Dancing Your Way Into My Heart • @kerwritesthings

You’re All I Need • @shawnsbrashier

Forever & Always • @fallinallincurls

Painkiller • @rainbowshawn

Coconut Waffles • @harryandmolly

Best Smut

Red • @rainbowshawn

Tease • @watchmegetobsessed

Attention • @rainbowshawn​

Neighbors • @zankivich​

Ride (In Tandem) • @achinglyshawn​

Love, Lust and Pain • @shawnjpeg​

Manners • @palhacomendes​

Only for You • @2018shawn

Quarantine & Chill • @2018shawn

The Arrangement • @zankivich

Here Comes the Sun • @kerwritesthings

Crescendo • @evansweaters

Ruby Woo • @harryandmolly​

Show Me Love Series • @palhacomendes​

Best Angst

Safe • @illumecherry

Third Time’s a Charm • @sauveteen

You Flower, You Feast • @shawnjpeg & @sauveteen

I Miss You Already • @tinydino 

A Million Times • @bubbashawn

Take Your Sweet Time • @wholesomemendes

Your Gift of Nonchalance • @pickeringawd

Best AU

Cohesion • @begginyouformendes

High School Never Ends • @ificanthaveu

Opposites Attract • @softboyshawn

Send Noods • @mendesficsxbombay

Teeth • @watchmegetobsessed​

Take Over • @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

College Boy • @dylshoney​ 

The Final Attempt • @wholesomemendes​

Broadway Baby • @ificanthaveu​

Best Triplet! AU

Turning Tables • @theshawnmendesstorycollection

Gears of Love • @shawnm521

Welcome to the Pack • @softboyshawn​

Falling Up • @unfamlair

Fix You • @softboyshawn​

CEO! Peter Series • @shawnm521​

Take Over • @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

Best Supernatural! AU

Heart Strings • @softboyshawn

Welcome to the Pack • @softboyshawn

The Rise of an Omega • @iamburdened​

Behold the Fangs • @itrocksmysocks​

Most Unique

Stealing Second • @goldenhemmings

You Flower, You Feast • @shawnjpeg & @sauveteen​

Take Over • @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

The Arrangement • @zankivich​

Gin & Juice • @smallerinfinities​ 

Manners Series • @palhacomendes​

Saved • @palhacomendes​

Best OC

Alex, Slow Burn • @shes-soparticular​

Amelia, The Rise of an Omega • @iamburdened

Adriana, Fame • @illumecherry

Penny, Complicit • @harryandmolly​

Noemi, The Hymn to Love • @somethingaboutshawngoeshere​

Sofia, All’s Well That Ends Well • @shawnsmoose​

Quinn, Take Me as I Am • @mendeshoney

Unnamed OC • @kerwritesthings​

Best POC OC

Maggie, • @rosiemercy​

Adriana, Fame • @illumecherry​

Noora Rao, You Flower You Feast • @shawnjpeg & @sauveteen​

Noemi, The Hymn to Love • @somethingaboutshawngoeshere​

Best Series

Fame • @illumecherry

Hustle • @watchmegetobsessed

Safety • @theshawnmendesstorycollection

Welcome to the Pack • @softboyshawn

Turning Tables • @theshawnmendesstorycollection

Roommates • @infiniteshawn

The Arrangement • @zankivich

Complicit • @harryandmolly

Pumpkin Patch Hearts • @rosiemercy

Unless It’s With You • @fallinharry​

You Flower, You Feast • @shawnjpeg​ & @sauveteen​

CEO! Peter Series • @shawn521 

Unnamed Verse Series • @kerwritesthings​

Take Me As I Am • @somethingaboutshawngoeshere​

Some Unspoken Thing • @mendeshoney

The Hymn to Love • @somethingaboutshawngoeshere​

All’s Well That Ends Well • @shawnsmoose 

Best Blurbs

@wordsandshawn

@fallinallincurls

@shawnm521

@softboyshawn

@serendipitousshawn​

@sweetwritesx​

@shawnsmoose​

@2018shawn​

@sunkisseddreamer​

@curlsofshawn​

@shawnmndes​

@imaginashawnns

Breakthrough Writer

@rainbowshawn • masterlist

@in-boys-we-thirst • masterlist

@shes-soparticular • masterlist

@mendesficsxbombay • masterlist

@bubbashawn • masterlist

@shawnmndes • masterlist

@fallinallincurls • masterlist

@2018shawn • masterlist

@wholesomemendes​ • masterlist

@justawriterbeinglonley​ • masterlist

@sunkisseddreamer​ • masterlist

@mendeshoney • masterlist

Best All-Around Writer

@theshawnmendesstorycollection • masterlist

@softboyshawn • masterlist

@fallinallincurls • masterlist

@shawnm521 • masterlist

@wordsandshawn • masterlist

@rainbowshawn • masterlist

@kerwritesthings​ • masterlist

@sauveteen • masterlist

@curlsofshawn • masterlist

@zankivich • masterlist

@harryandmolly • masterlist

@watchmegetobsessed • masterlist

@illumecherry • masterlist

@shawnjpeg​ • masterlist

@mendeshoney • masterlist

@2018shawn​ • masterlist

@palhacomendes​ • masterlist

@in-boys-we-thirst  • masterlist

[messagefromtheveins]

Wait I just now realized that someone nominated DLS for the @shawnblrficawards???

Whoever got me nominated, please know that I love you so much ❤️ thank you guys

[softguks]

thanks for all of the love and nominations! lmao, there are so many other talented writers out there who are tons better than me, but i really appreciate all the love! ❤️

@shawnblrficawards

[lostinshawnsmemory]

Ok wow! Figure you Out and Brown Skin Girl were both nominated! I think I’m going to cry. To whoever nominated me you are a real one 🥺🥰

@shawnblrficawards

[ificanthaveu]

was tagging people on “flicker” by going through reblogs on “a baby’s intuition” and i JUST noticed that @shawnblrficawards reblogged me as a nominee and a bitch was so SMILEY thank u hun!!!

[redrebecca]

Thank you to whoever nominated Bubble Baths for the @shawnblrficawards !! It means a lot, love ya💓

[shawnsassymendes]

omg @shawnblrficawards just nominated jealous of aladdin!!! thankyou!!