Hi!!
I want to request a Shawn angst imagine, please.
Something about sylvie or someone from his team talking about the reader behind her/they back and she/they feeling angry and telling shawn but he didn't believe it and having a fight but then he heard them talking bad about the reader again and trying to apologize, you decide if the end.
Only if you're comfortable to do it, love the work! Keep going!
Thanks for the request, honey!!!!!
I'm sorry if this is not that good, but I really hope u like it~
_____
Big Deal | Shawn Mendes
Warning: Angst, fights, cursing.
Containing: boyfriend!Shawn, girlfriend!reader, Jerk!Shawn, Artist!Reader
pairing: You and shawn mendes
You loved Shawn so much. You have been his girlfriend for 19 months now and now as you remembered how you had met, you laughed hysterically. You met him at an art exhibition, where he came, disguised in a black hoodie, a cap, and a mask. You had run into him while staring at the paintings on the wall, and almost screamed when you saw him like that. At first, you thought he was a thief or something, and seeing you freak out, he thought you had recognized him. So he had quickly pulled you aside and made you calm down.
You remembered the way you were so confused when he said that you knew who he was and he begged you to not tell anybody. But seeing your confused face, he pulled down his mask-making your mouth shut and your eyes wide. Honestly, you weren't a big fan of him back at that time, you never liked pop so you never even knew him as such. But you had heard of him from your friends and knew very well just who he was and why he had pulled you aside. When you had figured out just what had happened and the misunderstanding, you laughed out loud. Too loud.
He had raised his eyebrows and stared at you as you held your stomach as you laughed, which you knew was a not-so-beautiful sight. "What? Are you those insane kinds?" He had asked to which you stopped laughing and shook your head, looking at him disapprovingly. He didn't have a right to call people insane or judge them like that. So you gave him a piece of your mind and left him staring at you like an antelope in headlights. When you were looking at a mind-blowing piece of painting, he stood beside you, his disguise intact. He had said something clever and cocky and then after a small pause, apologized to you. You smiled at his sweet apology and the small smile he had delivered you. You were suddenly feeling this weird feeling in your chest.
And well, that's when you started hanging out more. After two coffees, a walk to the library, and a guitar session he had finally kissed you and asked you out. You were so happy, and till now everything was going great.
Well now...
You were a bit concerned about Shawn. He had been a bit distant and had canceled your last three dates. You already knew the obstacles that were going to come along with dating a celebrity such as him. You knew he was busy with his album and he had been getting a lot of hate, and you understood that he needed space. But you just wanted him to know that you were there for him.
You were waiting for him at your home, watching another episode of B99, and drinking coffee. When you heard the door opening, your head quickly turned, and you got up, slowly walking towards the door. There he was, your Shawn, coming in hanging his keys and hanging his coat. He looked so exhausted.
You sighed and walked towards him, taking his face in your hands as a yawn came across his lips. He quickly shook it off as he felt your soft hands caressing his cheeks. "Oh hi." He said and gave you a lop-sided and a sleepy smile. "You're still awake?" He said, his brows scrunching. You chuckled softly and brought his face towards yours and gave him a peck. "I missed you," You said softly, "and I hadn't seen you in a few days."
"What?" He said, his voice laced with a bit of aggravation. "We just had breakfast yesterday, together." You sighed a bit and stepped away from me. "You know what I mean,"
"No I don't!"
"Well, a bite of toast, a kiss to my forehead, and telling me you're going to be late and getting out of the house in less than 30 seconds, when I made bacon and pancakes for you is not having breakfast together."
Shawn groaned and stormed off, making your blood boil. You breathed in sharply and walked after him, "What the hell Shawn!?" Shawn rolled his eyes and plopped down on your couch, a small smirk passing his face for a second when he heard the title track of B99 playing on the TV. "You can't just walk away like that!"
"Well, guess what? I did!"
Your teeth gritted and you gave him a murderous look. You didn't like how Shawn was behaving with you, this is not how he acted with you. And you hated it. Didn't he realize that he was hurting you? "You know what? Fuck you." You stormed off to your bedroom, and took his pillow and his quilt and threw it across the room in the hall. "HEY!" You slammed the bedroom door and groaned out loudly.
You did not plan your night to go this way.
You sat on the bed, looking at the light that came from the living room through the small space between the door and the floor.
You sighed, your chest thudding loudly. Hugging your knees close to your chest, and you let out a shuddering breath, as a tear fell from your eye. You shook your head at your ridiculousness, and wiped your tear. It was confusing to you why you were being so emotional over this fight. It seemed small, didn't it?
But it wasn't.
This wasn't how you wanted your fights to go, fights that would lead you both to drift apart, and eventually, your relationship would fall apart...
The thoughts made you feel that your heart was being pulled apart. You looked at the light that escaped the small gap. Why did your relationship suddenly feel like that? Darkness had surrounded you, and the escaped light was really close but too far away to engulf you into happiness again. That light was Shawn. And it was almost as if he had forgotten to engulf you. And it was slowly killing you.
Before you know it, sleep had consumed you, with those burning thoughts still fresh in your mind.
.....
"Hey, honey."
You hugged your coat over your chest and spared Shawn a glance. You had woken up to a cold and empty bed, disappointing you. You didn't think Shawn would stretch it till the morning. That was until you smelled the sweet scent of maple syrup and pancakes. Realizing Shawn's plan to lure you into forgiving him, you rolled your eyes. If he thought that pancakes was going to make you ease up, then he was miserably mistaken.
He knew that you never liked fights left like this, with so much tension in the air that it pressured your heart. He knew that you preferred to talk it out and apologize to each other, and not leave it just like that. You had sighed and got up, freshened up.
You heard Shawn sigh and groan slightly as you went through your mail. You saw one addressed to Shawn. You looked up, looking at the creases on Shawn's forehead. "You have mail." You said, monotonously. You walked towards him, and he looked at you hopefully.
But you didn't give in, not just yet. You were too angry at him but didn't want to give him attention. You still wanted to hit him and scream at him because of last night and what he made you feel. And yeah, you also wanted to get the argument over with and just hug him. But you didn't.
Shawn didn't know if he was right or if he was wrong. What he did was fully flawed, and he didn't realize it. You had always been a bit touchy. It was your way of receiving and giving love. Through physical touch. Unfortunately, it was one of your insecurities as well. You had been brushed off as annoying so many times because of your habits, it hurt you. So you had given Shawn a warning, no let me scratch that. So many warnings.
This fight wasn't exactly related to that, but it still made the insecurities and that same unsafe or lets say, not belonging feeling around you.
Shawn hadn't forgotten that, but he wasn't sure if it was exactly his fault. I mean, you did know how busy he gets. So after a busy day, he might want a bit space, didn't he?
But he didn't want this fight to last this long, either. He was keeping a party at their house, tomorrow night. He didn't want anybody to talk about your relationship or its problems. He didn't want anything new to stir up. "I'm sorry." He whispered.
You looked up, your expression was something he couldn't decipher.
"I'm sorry." He said, loud and clear. "It was wrong of me, what I did last night. And I know I have been bailing on you for a long time, and you have been so understanding. I'm sorry,"
You nodded at him. "Just don't do it again." You said, gently. Shawn didn't really understand why your voice sounded so afraid. It wasn't that big of a deal, was it?
"Anyway," Shawn smiled at you and brought up two plates of hot pancakes. "I'm keeping a party tomorrow night, if that's alright with you?" You smiled at him. "Yeah, no problem. Who's coming?"
"You know the usual, the team. Niall, Taylor etc. We wanted to celebrate all the work we've done for the new album."
"Ooh, when are you releasing it?"
"Next month. It's not completed it, but we're very proud of what it has become until now." You looked at him with a proud expression. You were so happy for him. You loved how hard-working he was.
"Okay then," You smiled at him. "You going to the studio, now?" He nodded, "I'll be back by 8. We can binge B99 if you want. Or maybe watch Avengers, since you're so fond of Tom Hiddleston," You giggled and blushed. "And RDJ." You pointed out, and he scoffed, smiling.
He kissed your forehead as you both finished your breakfast, and took your plates putting them in the dishwasher.
After getting ready, he went out the door, giving you your goodbyes and kisses. Still as he stepped out the door, you felt disappointment arousing in the pit of your stomach.
.....
You looked at yourself in the mirror and stared at your outfit. You smiled and adored the slight foxy eyeshadow you had done. You took a deep breath and stepped outside your bedroom door. The party music was roaring down, and you slowly stepped down the stairs. As you stepped onto the second last step, you tried to find Shawn, and spotted him having a drink with two of his friends from the team. You smiled at him as he stared at you. You walked towards him, and noticed him still staring at you. "What?" You asked. "Does this not look good?" You turned your waist, "Should I change?" But he just grinned at you, and pulled in for a kiss.
He left you breathless and smiled at you. "You look fucking stunning, honey."
You blushed under his gaze and hid your face in his chest as it rumbled because of his chuckles. "Such lovebirds." Someone muttered and you looked up to see Niall. "Niall!!" You squeaked and hugged him. "How are you?"
"Perfect, love." He said and smiled at how you had wrapped your hands around his waist. "How are you both?" He asked cheekily.
"Same." Shawn said and kissed your cheek.
"I'm glad."
You looked around and sighed at the crowd. As much as you were proud of Shawn and no matter how many launch parties you go to with him, you never get used to the crowd. It gets overwhelming and makes you anxious. That's why you never actually like coming to these parties yet you did, only for Shawn. You tried not to always stick to him, but always made sure that he was in your eye sight, to make you feel calm and safe.
If he wasn't, then you would look for Niall, Taylor, or one of the other people with whom you were really good friends.
But mostly, it was Shawn.
You were thirsty and wanted to get a drink, so you went to the bar, promising Shawn to meet him at the dance floor.
But when you came back, he wasn't there. You couldn't find him. You looked around the crowd but couldn't spot him. When you looked back at the bar, you saw him with one of his team members. You recognized her immediately. Sylvie.
She had helped Shawn a lot, and you appreciated her for that. But sometimes you felt that maybe she didn't really like you, you tried to tell Shawn but he dismissed you, saying that you're being paranoid and that you haven't just spent that much time.
You sighed as you walked over to him.
"Shawn!" He looked back and saw you. He smiled at you and waved you to come over. You walked towards him with relief on your face. You got close to him and wrapped your arm around his. "Sylvie! How are you?" You asked politely. She smiled grimly, not so excited to see you, and replied, "Great! We're just waiting for the album to be complete and released, aren't we?" She smiled at Shawn and rubbed his arm. You felt extremely uncomfortable as you saw he look at Shawn like that. Your insecurities got up. "I'm so proud of you guys!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you are." She mumbled and scoffed. "Did you say something?" You asked her but Shawn squeezed your hand. "Weren't we going to the dance floor? I'm sorry Sylvie, we'll see you later." He said and smiled at her. She nodded and he grabbed you and you both walked towards the dance floor. "That wasn't polite, Shawn."
"I know."
You both danced calmly into each other's arms. "Shawn, was it just me, or was she rolling her eyes at me?"
He mumbled something under his breath and then looked back at you. "No, sweetheart. She is just in a bad mood, her boyfriend and she got into a fight before coming here." You nodded. You looked up at him and sighed as you saw his beautiful brown eyes.
You sighed and kept your head on his chest as you both swayed from side to side to the soft rhythm of the music. "I love you." You whispered gently as comfort laced you both like a graceful ribbon. Shawn kissed your forehead, his lips lingering over the crown of your head. "I love you the most.." He breathed, as the scent of your hair reached him. His eyes fluttered shut and he pulled you even close, If that was possible.
You took deep breaths as you found yourself finally in your beloved's arms. It was rare. Very rare. And you wanted to make the most out of this moment. An unsettling feeling had rested in your chest, that any moment this is going to be ripped from you. He is going to be ripped apart from you. And you will be crushed again.
You entwined your hand into his' as the music ended and he was obliged to go and meet more guests. He gave you an apologetic smile, but you weren't going to leave him. You went along with him even if exhaustion had taken over your legs. You felt so much safer with him. His cheering voice always comforted you, it kept your anxiety at bay.
You both walked towards the bar again. You smiled at him and left his hand. You wanted to pee. So you stepped across but as soon as you closed your stall, some voices started speaking. Familiar voices.
"I mean did you see her tonight?"
"mhmm."
"Fuckin whore, can't even dress properly."
You tried to restrain your gasp as you recognized the voice. Sylvie.
"Poor Shawn, he must've had to deal with her."
"I know right? She's so useless. Always clinging to him like a puppy."
"She's only with him for clout. Clingy bitch."
"God, Shawn deserves so much better."
"Someone like you, Sylvie?"
"Oh shut up." She giggled. "Maybe."
Your blood boiled as you heard all those words, but your heart ached. Tears started to spill out of your eyes as you tried to keep your breath calm. Shawn deserves so much better. Was it true? Were you that clingy?
You heard the door close shut and that's when you broke down. Tears started to pour down your eyes, rolling down your cheeks. You held your forearms as your chest shuddered at thought of Shawn leaving you. You tried to keep your cries in but your ears started to hurt and your throat started to dry as you gasped for breath.
Your head was aching and your dress felt too tight now. Why was this happening to you? You wanted to yell for Shawn but then you thought about you being a burden to him.
And besides, you looked like a fucking disaster. You didn't want to ruin Shawn's rep like that.
.....
Shawn was a bit frustrated with you. You still doubted Sylvie, and it bothered him. She was such a sweet person and a great colleague. Why did you always seem to dislike her? It always annoyed him- you trying to point out some imaginary things about her. Sylvie was rolling her eyes at me; she was giving me a weird look; I think she doesn't like me; Your complaints were endless.
Niall furrowed his eyebrows at the crowd, and then looked back towards Shawn. "Shawn?" Shawn stirred his drink. "Yeah?"
"Where's Y/n?"
"Bathroom. Why?"
"Don't you think its been a long time?"
"Um-"
"Shawn you know what happens during these parties don't you?"
"Yes but-"
"Shawn go check on her or I will burst into the girl's washroom and sing Stitches."
"Ok, ok! Fine." Shawn breathed and looked around the crowd again. He breathed when he realized it had been a long time since you came. He got up and walked through the crowd, just to make sure that you weren't locked in the crowd. But you were nowhere to be seen. Shawn's heart rate started to increase. He was marching up to the ladies washroom.
Just as he went forward, trying not to bump into more drunk people- Shawn halted as a person came right in front of him. "Hi, Shawn~" He looked down to see Sylvie standing with a drink in her hand, a giddy expression on her face. "How are you?" She asked in a squeaky voice. She caressed his shoulder, going to his bicep. But Shawn was in a hurry to even process what she was doing.
"Sylvie-"
"Oh, I love it when you say my name." She said, breathily. Shawn gave her a weird look and then looked at the washrooms, they seemed so far away. "Sylvie, I have to go-"
"No please wait-" She held onto his hand. But Shawn twisted his hand out of her grasp and ran out of there. He burst into the washroom and heard small gasps and soft sobs. Shawn's heart broke; He took quick steps toward the stall and knocked. He heard a sharp gasp-- "Y/n? Honey?"
"Hello?" You squeaked out, keeping a small hope that it wasn't Shawn. "Sweetie, please open the door. For me?" You sighed and your breath shuddered. It was undoubtedly him. This was perfect- you felt even worse. You couldn't hide and you didn't have a mirror to fix yourself.
You wanted to dig a hole and die.
But you didn't have a choice now. Shawn looked up as the door clicked and you stepped out. Shawn cupped your face and studied it- you were an absolute mess.
"Shawn-"
Shawn shushed you and wiped the tears on your cheeks and kissed the red skin right under your eyes. You shivered as his cold lips touched your cheeks, and you closed your eyes as he pulled away.
"Why were you crying?" He asked directly. And you looked at the ground- You really didn't want to tell him, and lying wasn't an option because he could tell your tell on your fourth date. "Um,
I was in the stall- when some girls came into the bathroom. They started to talk- and um," You looked around uncomfortably. "I realized it was Sylvie and her friends. They said some things about me."
Shawn raised his eyebrows, "oh? What kind of things?"
"She called me a whore, and said that I was a clingy bitch and never left your side. She said that you must be," you took a deep breath. "Miserable with me." Shawn ran his hands through his hair. He couldn't believe that Sylvie would say this.
He couldn't believe that you were making these accusations.
"Are you sure it was her?" He asked. You furrowed your eyebrows. "Of course, I recognized her voice."
"But you didn't see her, did you?"
"Shawn-"
"No! Why did you always try to convince me that Sylvie hates you?"
You were completely taken back. How could he ask you this?
"You always try to tell me how bad she is-"
"I never told you that!" You shouted.
"But weren't you trying to? Weren't you? Why do you dislike her? She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met- can't you at least try to like her? At least to support me! I mean you have been nothing but unsupportive recently!" He spat at you. Your blood boiled as you heard his words. Unsupportive? "And that you bring Sylvie into all of this? God, y/n."
"Unsupportive?" You breathed. "Did you just call me unsupportive? How could you- I've always been supportive of you! I never complained when you come home so late and never texted me- I never got angry at you when you would ignore me- I always supported you through your tantrums-"
"What the fuck do you mean??"
"I'm your fucking girlfriend Shawn! I'm not your punching bag or your booty call! That whenever you want me I'll be there for you~ But it's not the way around. I always understand that your career can't always make you available, but I can't always be like this! I can't take it anymore!"
"And the fact that you don't believe me and don't fucking trust me is just-"
"God, you're such an ordinary girl," he mumbled under his breath. You looked at him, betrayal laced in your eyes. "I'm sorry, what did you say?" You asked him quietly. "You're such an ordinary girl!"
You were taken aback by his statement. An ordinary girl?
But you stayed quiet, that was your harshest answer. You were exhausted. You were tired by his actions, his expectations, and what you have faced. You couldn't do it anymore.
"If you can't handle this ordinary girl, then maybe you shouldn't be with her." You said with unshed tears in your eyes. "Maybe you should be with someone like Sylvie."
"It will be easy. She wants to be with you anyway." You said.
"What the fuck do you mean?"
You just shook your head and got out of there.
.....
Shawn was aggravated, how could you accuse Sylvie of saying such things? Shawn stormed off from the washroom after you did. His head wasn't straight at the time. Anger and frustration was running through his veins like poison. And what did you mean by that last thing you said?
"She wants to be with you anyway."
Alcohol was affecting his mind as the echo of your words ran through his ears. His head was getting dizzy. Shawn looked at the crowd and didn't find you. He panicked for awhile then remembered that you must've gone back home. Shawn wanted to ease off tonight, he had been working hard week after week. So many sleepless nights without you in his arms and he missed you so much.
But all of those sleepless nights had caught up on him and he just wanted to rest when he came back home. He didn't expect to get into that fight with you- and all that anger just wanted to be vented off.
So well, maybe Shawn realized that he had acted a bit inconsiderate.
And maybe cruel.
But she would forgive him wouldn't she?
Shawn somehow got engulfed in the crowd and was getting bumped constantly by the dancing cluster of people. He heard weird voices and someone very familiar trying to talk to him. "Shawn, buddy? Where is y/n? Are you okay?"
Shawn dismissed them and tried dancing off. Suddenly, he got pulled by someone and they started dancing with him. "Hey, Shawn." He heard someone say flirtatiously. He felt his cheeks being caressed. "Sylvie?"
"Hi silly, come on dance with me!" She said and took Shawn's hands and placed it them on her waist. "What are you doing?" Shawn asked, drunkenly. "Dancing with you, sweetie." She whispered in his ear. Shawn felt disgusted but he couldn't tell her that. He didn't want to dance with her, he wanted to dance with you. "Wait, Sylvie- I need to find y/n."
But she kept a hold on his hands. "Why? I'm here, aren't I? Anyway she left you alone." She said bitterly. "What do you mean? We just had a fight- and she said some bizarre things."
"She thought that you wanted to be with me! That's so absurd. You don't like me do you?"
Sylvie stayed silent which made Shawn panic. "Sylvi-"
She pulled him closer and whispered against his lips. "What if I do?"
Suddenly Shawn's new song started playing. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.
i wonder if you're real
Do i speak the truth or do i filter how i feel?
I wonder, wouldn't it be nice
To live inside a world that isn't black and white?
Shawn felt Sylvie's cold lips against the corner of his mouth and his whole body filled with disgust and shame. It felt wrong. It felt so wrong.
He wrote this song for you, he wanted to dance on this song with you. But you weren't here and it was all his fault. He hated himself because these words were written for you, were supposed be adored by you right now. Yet they were getting betrayed.
His heart shattered as he realized what was happening. His mind sobered up and he pushed Sylvie away with utter horror. He ran away to find you. Hoping you were home.
You weren't though.
You were walking down the quiet streets, getting drenched in rain. Tears were pouring down your face. You were so thankful that because of the rain nobody could distinguish whether the drops of water on your face were either raindrops or salty tears.
In the middle of this rain, that once you would've called so beautiful, your heart had been crushed and now fear had built. Was this the end? Were you and Shawn over?
You didn't want to think of that. But how could you not? He had totally disregarded you, over and over again. And you realized that a half-assed apology wouldn't work this time. You loved him so much.
Oh, you loved him dearly, but you had dignity and self-respect. And you were not going to let Shawn's cruel actions and your love for him to get between your self-dignity.
You sat down on one of the benches. Your sobbing wasn't stopping and you had given up now. You looked up and glanced around- The streetlights were lit, rain was dancing on the ground, and everything else was quiet.
You would've loved this. It would've been so romantic- but right now you felt empty.
Suddenly, you heard panting. Your eyes widened and you tried not to be frantic. What was it? A wild dog? "Thank god, I couldn't find you anywhere."
Your throat tightened. Shawn.
"That was the motive, Shawn." You said coldly. You didn't want to look at him. So you didn't realize that even he was crying.
"Please look at me, baby."
"What do you want?"
"You, back. Please." You stayed silent. "Love, I- When you left I got drunker and Sylvie danced with me. She-She tried to kiss me-"
Your eyes filled with tears once again. "I- You were right, baby. When she tried to kiss me, my song started to play. A new song, that I wrote for you- I didn't realize that I was hurting you and then I realized that I couldn't lose you. Those words, that-that music was composed for you, and all I wanted was you there, to be with me, in my arms to dance to that song. You're all I ever wanted, a-and I'm so sorry that I have been a total jerk to you, and I understand that you have been so patient with me and I have been taking you for granted."
"Glad you realized that."
"I'm so sorry, honey. Please give me another chance."
You stayed quiet. What he said melted your heart but you were stronger than that. You took in a deep breath albeit shaky. Restraining yourself from crying you got up, your knees weak. "Shawn, I-"
"I cannot forgive you." And because of the silence, both of your hearts shattering were audibly clear. "Just yet."
"I need time, Shawn. What you did- You didn't trust me! Your own girlfriend. I cannot forgive you just yet, and neither can I make myself trust you again. Not just like that. If you expected me to come back into your arms instantly then you were mistaken, Shawn." You said softly.
"I need time to think. And its better for now if you don't contact me for a few days." You slowly turned around. "It's best if you go back. Please take care of yourself." You said and walked away with a heavy heart.
Shawn watched as you walked away. He knew the damage he had done. He loved you so much, and he wasn't strong enough to pay the price. To stay away from you.
But he had to.
__________________________________
Thanks to-
@academiaghosts
who wanted to be tagged in every one of my fics!
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