#shaving is very uncomfortable and i got other things to do than pay for laser

[nordic-ravens]

some of you lesbians gotta stop acting like men are the only ones able to have facial hair and allowed to not shave it.

[werevulvi]

I just did a sound recording of me randomly rambling as part of my regular voice training routine, and that got me rambling about my facial hair. It made me realise something important about why I'm so on and off about whether I want it removed or not, and finally figured out what I think is causing a lot of my hesitations: I don't want it entirely removed, I just want it reduced a lot. I would strongly prefer laser, but it seems my country only offers electrolysis.

The problem with that (for me) is that not only is electrolysis far more painful, more time-consuming and has more risks, it's also a lot more permanent. Laser, however, I feel would be perfect for me. It works the best for people with light skin and dark hairs like me, and because it can't remove blonde hairs, I'd then easily keep my 10-20% of hairs that are blonde, but get rid of most of the rest. It's a bit weird, but yes I actually have a two-coloured beard: dark brown and light blonde, and around 80-90% of it is dark brown. It doesn't matter to me if I'd keep 10% or 30% of my facial hair, or where the remaining hairs would be located. I also don't care if the result with just a few hairs left would look bad.

The thing is that I don't want to look fake and super smooth. I don't want to have to choose between "all or nothing." I want to have the option of either being a little fussy on some days or completely smooth on other days. I want to get rid of my beard shadow, which is caused by that my facial hair is very thick, dark and compact. Because basically whatthe shadow is, is the dark hair follicles/roots under the skin showing through the outmost layers of skin when the hairs are shaved off as close to the skin surface as possible. Where my beard is sparse, on my cheeks, I don't get a shadow. So sparsing it all out a lot would make no such shadow show up anymore.

I'd be fine with needing to shave to be smooth, but having to spend an hour of lots of pain every day to get it smooth and keep it smooth is an entire literal hell and doesn't work long term. It is only a short term solution. I want to have just a few hairs that are easily maintained and would look natural for an otherwise very hairy woman to have. Because I want to keep my body hair, including my chest hairs, getting my face entirely smooth would feel off. I'd feel weird about such a huge contrast between my face and my body. I'd feel the best if I had much less facial hair, but I'd feel wrong about BOTH being entirely smooth on my face AND about keeping all of my facial hair.

When I think about what I want with it, I keep thinking about what I want right now as my life is right now, and then it doesn't hugely matter to me if I have it or not. Because I can manage like this as I only have to leave my apartment once or twice a week, except I'm constantly not a fan of the beard shadow and I do worry about my face stubble being uncomfortable for my girlfriend when snuggling or having sex. It does get very, very sharp and that's physically uncomfortable even fror myself. But aside from that discomfort and that I struggle to pass the few times I leave my house, I feel like this is managable.

However... what about my future? I want to get a job someday (currently am very curious about the lumberjack profession, but also similar types of jobs: working with machines, not people), I want to practice karate again someday, I want a richer social life and I most definitely want to move on and away from this trans-detrans hell I'm currently stuck in. I just wanna be a normal woman in a tiny little lesbian paradise with my girlfriend, and not be constantly haunted and tormented by my past transition. I'm fine with being forever detransitioned, but I'm not fine with seeing my horrible medical mistakes in the mirror every single day. I want to pass as female, at least most of the time. Although I don't wanna chase a perfect passing ideal, I do want to strive towards a reasonable passing possibility. I want to be able to use womens bathrooms and locker rooms again without fearing getting tossed out or yelled at. I want to feel safe and be welcome in my own fucking spaces. I want to be able to go to all women's events and to not feel like a threat among other lesbians. I want to look like a woman; not like a trans woman, and I do not want to look like fake barbie. I cannot fit a beard into that kinda future that I want for myself.

I guess I want to go for an in between. The beard equivalence of a breast reduction instead of a full mastectomy.

To have just a few hairs on my face, but very severely thinned out, I think I'd pass just fine. A lot of women have a few hairs on their faces without constantly getting mistaken for men. I would most likely be insecure about having just a few hairs on my face as well, but I still feel like that would be a lot better, and a lot more ideal, than getting it all removed.

Because I can compare it to my body hair: I'm insecure about being very hairy neck down, and I do feel more confident and relaxed in public when I'm all shaven smooth, however... I also feel fake, plasticky, propped up and cut down, I don't feel natural or genuine. I then feel like a feminine stereotype instead of an actual woman. And that feeling is actually also very uncomfortable. No matter how bad I feel when strangers see my body hair, I'd much rather keep it because then at least I feel genuine and natural. It's their opinions that get to me, not my actual hairs.

Which is why I stopped shaving my body hair neck down, because I don't actually want to get rid of it. That doesn't mean I'm having a jolly fun, easy peasy time with it in public, but it does mean that removing it is NOT the solution: working on my confidence is. And I tackle that insecurity by wearing low cut tops that show my chest hair, shorter skirts during summer that show my leg hairs, and I go swimming in a bikini that shows off... well all of my body hairs except from most of my pubes and some of my chest hair. It is actually working, slowly but surely, and I feel a lot better and more proud of my fur now than I did a month ago, or 6 months ago, or a year ago. I used to think I feel entirely different about my facial hair, but upon a closer look, it's not so different.

The difference is that I can't pass with a full on beard or shadow, but I can pass just fine with a hairy chest and stomach, hairy legs and armpits. Because my goal is to look female, but not like a plasticky stereotype, my facial hair is a bigger hurdle because it makes me instantly look male. What is the same about my facial hair as is with the rest of my body hair: I would feel just as relaxed publically about my facial hair if it was all gone - but I would also feel just as fake and awry about it. And if I had just a little of it I would feel more genuine and natural, but also needing to work up confidence about it, like I'm currently doing about my body hair. I would have more choice then. It would make my agonising shaving experience a walk in the fucking park, and far less of a pressing need to be able to pass.

In a future when I might have to be out and about 4-5 days a week, I'd have to shave every day considering the current state of my facial hair. It would mess up my skin a lot, because shaving already messes up my skin and the more I do it, the worse it gets. But if I had just a few hairs, I'd be granted a freedom much greater than this current mess. I'd be able to get away with shaving maybe just once or twice a week, and for probably just a couple of minutes. And I could also possibly even skip shaving altogether and still occasionally pass as female.

THAT is what I want and it would be fucking perfect. But I fear that the gender cult therapists would not accept me taking such a middle ground as my goal.

I worry they'd say it just means I'm still having doubts and that I'm not really ready for getting any sort of hair removal. They'd probably start harping on about me being nonbinary again (my gender is "hairy dyke who fucks with your concept of normal" now leave me alone about it.) That the biggest reason I want laser is because it's not working as well, might be considered suspicious motives. But I strongly feel that I need to do SOMETHING about my facial hair, because this is not working in the long run, and I feel that a more or less permanent, big reduction is exactly what I need; not a near total removal. I also worry that the trans clinic can't/won’t offer laser at all. I don't doubt there must exist some technician in Sweden who does laser, but it is my impression that the trans clinic doesn't refer their patients (in this case, usually trans women and other kinds of male trans people) for laser and thus I can't get that covered either.

Because of course, as a detrans woman, what they can offer me for my reverse dysphoria, is only what they can offer their MtF patients.

In theory I could find a laser technician on my own and pay for it out of pocket, but problem with that theory is that I'm a broke ass, mentally disabled social case living on bare minimum welfare and my kind parents' money, so there is no way I could ever save up some 500-1000 euro for a few laser sessions (it's taken me 3+ years to save up just under 50 euro, alright) and I want that shit done before putting my currently unemployable ass up on the job market. Because I need to reduce as much of my stress-factors in life and have as much of my current issues in order and recovered, before I can even possibly consider my mentally disabled ass stable enough to handle having a job (yes, even part-time) and getting the education that I will need to qualify for it, and my facial hair is a huge stress-factor.

I will try to discuss it with my gender therapist, and also perhaps try to talk with some Swedish trans women if they know anything about getting laser covered instead of electrolysis.

Hopefully my worries about them only covering electrolysis are wrong. Or maybe they can at least in rare cases cover laser instead, hopefully. Another solution could be getting sloppily done electrolysis with fewer sessions, but eh I dunno about that. But either which way I think I'd definitely aim at getting fewer sessions than what's usually recommended. I don't know any Swedish trans women though, so I would have to holler out into some random trans groups and hope for the best, I guess. I just think they'd be the kinda of people who would be the most likely to have that kinda knowledge, I mean.

Because yeah, it's different with the US so unfortunately US focused (and other EU countries) advice about that is totally useless for me. Sweden has an entirely unique health care system and the trans clinics follow those standards, but also not every clinic does the exact same thing, or offers the exact same stuff to all of their patients. It is possible to go private here too, but it's insanely expensive and it's not feasible for me, as I said. I'd only go that route if I had absolutely no other choice what so ever, but then it would also take probably 10+ years before I could afford it, or I could maybe afford one laser session ever third year lol. I think that was a very important realisation though, and the closest so far that I've gotten to understanding what I really feel and want about my facial hair.

But also, I know that not even electrolysis is guaranteed to remove every single hair, and most people who do that kinda procedure do end up with a few stubborn whiskers left. But because I specifically don't want it all removed, it just feels like laser would be an all around better, and safer, option for me. Electrolysis is generally intended to remove as much hair as possible, while laser is a much better method for specifically wanting a reduction because it can be used for that goal much more easily. Also, I've had these thoughts before, about possibly favouring a reduction, but not in such great depth as I did just now.

I still feel some vague hesitation within myself, but this is great for me to know.

Because now I can give myself time to really consider if a facial hair reduction might be what I actually, truly want, instead of a near total removal. And my instant feeling about it is quite a lot of relief, actually. I think that says something. Like it would be tons better than my current beard situation, and also favourable over a near total removal. It feels like I might actually want this. I just need to think it through properly to make sure that I'm not rushing into anything. If anyone has any input on that I’m considering this kinda middle ground route, I'd love to hear it. Constructive criticism is always welcome.

[romancevsreality-blog]

vanderpump rules, season six, episode fourteen: caution - feminism ahead

Every single episode I wonder how they’re going to top the generic musical intros they use on this show, but here we are - this week, it’s simply “na, na, na, nah, nah.” Also known as, my approach to writing this blog lately!

Apologies. I’ve gone through a lot in the last few months. I’m back, I promise. Just in time for the finale, of course!

OF COURSE.

We start in West Hollywood in Tom and Ariana’s apartment, where Ariana is dreading going to hair removal. Ariana is teaching Tom the basic essentials to hair removal, and Sandoval is straight up shocked you don’t roll up there with a full bush and they just buzz through it like some kind of laser lawn mower. No, you have to be fully shaved, closely shaved, so they can access the hair follicle more easily. If they could superimpose an NBC “The More You Know” rainbow over this entire scene, that would be fantastic.

Ariana’s working on body positivity and #embracinghervagina, but it’s a slow process of both undoing that hatred and gaining some sense of self-love there. Hopefully one day she’ll love her vagina as much as she should. Sandoval loved their trip to Vegas because it was like, an adult trip - he wasn’t black out drunk the entire time, just like, 75% of the time. Who cares if Lisa had to kick Tom and Tom out of a meeting because they were out of control and being annoying? Not Sandoval! He showed up, and that’s what matters. I wonder how Tom pays his rent with the brownie points he’s getting.

Over at Sexy Unique Restaurant, the Generic Music cue is “Oh, Superstitilous”.

Can someone. Tell me. What “Superstitilous” means.

I cannot think of a sentence where I would need to combine “superstitious” and “delicious” into one word. I literally have tried to for the last hour. Like, maybe if it’s the Boston Marathon or something and you’re eating pasta? “This pasta is so superstitilous, I hope it brings me good luck tomorrow.”

I’m trying, y’all.

DJ James Kennedy, CBE, and Raquel, his squeak-toy-turned-girlfriend, are over at Sexy Unique Restaurant. James is putting on a jacket because his father is coming by and he wants to give off the vibe of being Very Smart. James, a jacket can only do so much for you. It’s his dad’s first time coming to visit after getting divorced frrom his mother, and his father is just as much of a British stereotype as you can think of. His dad is a less attractive Robbie Coltrane1 with worse teeth. He’s wearing sunglasses that can only be described as Creepy Manager Chic, and a baseball cap and a black polo.

It’s like they yanked him straight out of 24 Hour Party People2. We’re reminded that James was surrounded by music growing up - not only did his dad manage George Michael, but he was a DJ himself. He is also a grown man wearing an ear cuff.

James’ dad has no idea what his son’s drink of choice is, or that James cannot drink while on the job. James said his dad isn’t a bad influence, he just doesn’t understand why James can’t work and drink at the same time. Raquel continues to be like “if Lisa catches you with a drink, you’re donzo.” Speaking of, Lisa arrives for this week’s contracted meddling. She talks with Billie Lee, and then talks to James and his dad. Ken’s known Andreas (James’s dad), forever, but Lisa only knows him through George Michael, she’s keen to remind us.

Scheana and Lala3 meet with Brittany at Hooters, where they’re celebrating Jax’s 83rd birthday. He claims it’s his 38th, but we all know the truth. He’s not fooling anyone. Brittany knows she’s better than doing anything for Jax, let alone throw him a birthday party, but you know what? She’s all in on this relationship with this philanderer. Stassi, Schwartz, and Katie all arrive, shocked they’re downtown... but Hooters might be the only reason they’ll ever go downtown. Fuck Jax.

Stassi reminds us that when she broke up with Jax, she all but dug her key into the side of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel drive and carved her name into his leather seats, but she can’t judge Brittany for coping in her own way. Jax calls this the perfect birthday party for his inner child, because there’s nothing better than going to Hooters. My only experiences with Hooters have been this show and that episode of The Office, so I can’t confirm or deny this.

Stassi’s complaining about having big boobs, and how girls with small boobs will never know the pain of underboob sweat. As someone who’s new to the entire concept of having boobs, this is very true. It’s actually awful, and kind of gross. Katie can hold a pencil under her boobs, Stassi can hold an entire pack of rats. I can’t, and as someone who was thrilled she couldn’t hold a pencil case between her thighs, I’ll just go along with their entire thing here.

RealDoll Scheana takes Jax aside and confronts him about what Kristen told her Jax said about her and Rob. Rob says he loves RealDoll Scheana, but he’s not in love with her yet - even though she is, and she’s planning their entire life together down to the pillow shams they’ll have in the lake house. Rob may tell Scheana he loves her, but Jax was told something different. Scheana can’t imagine that this is true. There’s so much meaning behind not telling your significant other you love them every time you say goodbye.

Delusion, by Scheana Shay.

She knows they’re going to get married - sure, it’s not as quickly as she’d like it to be, but they’re going to. How does she know this? Does Rob know this? For once, Jax is in the right, and y’all know how much I hate it when that happens. He’s just trying to bring Scheana back down to Earth because she’s looking at her entire life through her Instagram feed. If she can project perfection4 to everyone else, eventually that’ll become true. She’s trying to The Secret her entire life. As someone who tries not to fuck with the universe and tries not to put things out there that can come back to me later5, even I know at a certain point it’s out of my control. Scheana hasn’t, clearly.

Peter asks Brittany how it feels to be back at Hooters, and she’s happy to be there. Ariana, with a mouth full of chicken, is like, “it’s so nice of Jax to take us to church on his birthday.” Ariana remains my favorite.Sandoval and Tom have gotten Jax a gift - a male romper. I’m guessing this was that time last summer that romphims were shocking the world, and honestly, there’s nothing wrong with it? I never understood why it was such a big deal. I mean, guys don’t even have to get naked to pee in their rompers. They should be much more of a staple in men’s attire than women’s.

Oh god, am I defending rompers?

The next day, Stassi and Billie Lee are headed to Kristen and Carter’s apartment, and Billie swears she’s not an alcoholic. Billie Lee immediately greets them with gluten-free vegan brownies and bread and she was doing so good up until this moment. Do not walk into my house with gluten-free vegan anything. Stassi loves Billie Lee. I did too, at one time. Apparently, Jeremy, Ariana’s brother, asked Billie Lee out on a date. Kristen and Stassi are skeptical and want to make sure it’s in public because Jeremy’s a creep.

Or so they think.

Jeremy’s kind of a creep and a lingerer, and at Schwartz and Katie’s wedding got a little too drunk and handsy, making Stassi uncomfortable. Kristen hopes he’s not just trying to fuck Jeremy, and Billie Lee’s like “Uh, that’s what I want.” As soon as she says that, they’re like, “oh, well, that’s okay.” It’s fine if a dude creeps you out if you want to fuck him, I guess? Billie Lee’s nervous now, however. I don’t blame her.

Scheana and Brittany6 are at BBCM for brunch, and Brittany’s refusing to drink. Brittany’s happy that she cleared the air with Jax, and Scheana’s like “yeah, there’s no way what he said was true, so it’s fine.” Scheana wants Brittany to be as happy with Jax as Scheana is with Rob because Scheana is determined to make sure that Brittany stays the hell away from Jax. Scheana knows a lot of people, which has never been said without an air of malice around it. Brittany’s hoping Jax will turn into the person she fell in love with, which is hilarious.

If you’re hoping your boyfriend will just… squash part of his personality that you don’t like, Brittany, you might as well be wafting in Delusion, by Scheana Shay. Jax is abusive. End of story. Scheana texted Adam, the hot new guy at Sexy Unique Restaurant7, because he asked about Brittany. Honestly, Scheana really thinks she’s Cher Horowitz and Brittany is Tai. She wants Brittany away from Travis Birkenstock (Jax) and in the pants of literally anyone else, but hopefully Elton (Adam). I see you, Scheana.

You will never be Cher Horowitz. The closest you’ll come is American Woman, Kyle Richards’s show about her life starring Alicia Silverstone.

We’re at the site for TomTom, and Schwartz wants nothing more than to be shoveling dirt with the construction site. Schwartz, clearly not knowing where he was going, is wearing fucking sandals. Katie married a grown man who wears sandals. All the time. Who doesn’t know to wear closed-toed shoes to a construction site? Does Tom Schwartz realize that a ton of health codes require closed-toes shoes in restaurants? He’s gonna die.

Sandoval is still trying to direct the set up of the bar area, and Lisa shuts that the fuck down. Again, Sandoval thinks he’s a true partner in all of this, but what Lisa wants him to do is what she wanted him to do at Sexy Unique Restaurants - craft a cocktail menu. That’s it. Nothing else. She doesn’t want your design input or any tips on what kind of food you’d like. She literally wants Tom to go to all his favorite bars in Los Angeles, choose his favorite cocktails from there, and assemble a list.

Oh, Sandoval. You only own 5% of the restaurant. Have you been wearing Delusion, by Scheana Shay?

Queen Lala arrives at Scheana’s apartment literally dressed like a goddess, in a white two-piece outfit. She looks like a California princess and clearly, she’s just touched up her lips because they are PLUMP, girl8. Following behind is Billie Lee, and then we get some shady shots of all the photos of Rob and Scheana in Scheana’s glam room.

The producers hate Scheana so much, I love it. Billie Lee needs a drink immediately upon arrival, and the girls are all happy to comply. Scheana’s pulled a few outfits for Billie to wear on her date, and Billie tells the details of her conversation with Kristen and Stassi. Billie Lee’s skeptical because Stassi gave the implication that Jeremy will just bounce from girl to girl to girl, hoping for some kind of positive interactions. Lala and Scheana are like, “well, he’s never tried anything with us, so.”

I do want to touch base on the “Well, he never did anything to make me uncomfortable, so,” response. A broken clock is right twice a day. Sometimes people we think are good are capable of doing bad things. Sometimes people’s behavior can be interpreted differently. A part of how the #metoo movement came into being was the collective idea that these people couldn’t have done this, they were good because of [xyz]. Did we learn nothing from Spotlight? The Catholic Church protected its own, we will forever protect our own instead of listening to victims. Listen. You’ll learn something. Reexamine people and their impact. Just because someone hasn’t hurt you, doesn’t mean they’re not capable of it.

Lala is immediately riled up because Kristen and Stassi tend to say things that not only hurt feelings but affect others’ lives in the long run. Billie was excited about her date until they brought up all of those thoughts.

Everyone loves and adores Billie. Especially Lala, who loves her tits. Billie chooses a green printed romper, and she looks cute. I won’t even hate. It’s a great date outfit.

Billie and Lala go to get a drink, and Lala’s getting buzzed before going into work because she’s the fucking best. She is all of us. Lala’s there to calm Billie down before her date because Lala understands the nerves and butterflies and jitters that accompany the first date. Jeremy arrives, and Billie immediately sets her sights on setting the mood. Guys are hesitant to date her because she is trans and people talk, and Jeremy’s like, “Whatever dude, you’re a girl and you should be acknowledged as such, who cares.”

This is the correct response.

Because this show can’t introduce anyone without bringing them up again, we’re meeting DJ James Kennedy, KCMG, and his fucking dad again9. James is ordering alcoholic slushies, Andres claims that George Michael christened him and spat on him, passing along his musical powers. Is that how powers are spread? Through spit? Like a cold? Having George Michael as a godfather has made James determined to be Something. Him and Lala together. James’ dad lost everything when George Michael and he had a falling out, and now James is getting over his struggle. He cries when thinking about his dad. Somehow, I find it within me not to feel bad for him. Maybe it’s my own personal daddy shit that prevents this.10

Back at Sexy Unique Restaurant, the cast is still pretending they work there, and Lisa’s doing her obligated table greeting. Max Vanderpump-Todd got a $2,000 tip the night before, and that’s worth celebrating. Ariana’s leaving early because they’ve got a girls’ outing, and Lisa can sense that Ariana’s pissed11 about something. Ariana’s caught a whiff of what Kristen and Stassi were saying about Jeremy, and she’s upset. Scheana told this to Ariana, and Ariana can’t believe it, because he’s her brother, of course. I mean, Jeremy saved Sexy Unique Restaurant from burning down, and Lisa is endlessly thankful. She even gives him some money.

In case you didn’t know, the musical cue is “I came to get down,” so you know we’re headed to The Lion Tavern for a wild girls’ night out. Scheana and Ariana are greeted by Brittany and the rest of the girls. There are two factions - Ariana/Scheana/Lala, and Stassi & The Pussycats, but they’ve both come together because of their mutual love for Brittany. Stassi immediately asks how Ariana’s vagina was because thankfully we’re basically spared an entire scene of Ariana undergoing laser hair removal, and get like, ten seconds. Scheana immediately makes everyone uncomfortable when they’re all complimenting their own vaginas by being like “well, my boyfriend likes it, so.” Girl. Read the room. No one cares about Rob’s opinion of your vagina, they only care about yours.

Ugh, the patriarchy.

Lala brings up the Jeremy-shaped elephant in the room and calls Stassi out for trying to scare Billie Lee. Stassi claims she was being supportive, and Scheana’s like, “That’s definitely not how she took it.”

You know how I hate when Jax is right? I hate when Scheana’s right just as much.

Ariana tries to get them to bring up the wedding, and Stassi’s like, “I don’t want to hurt anyone!!!” It’s okay if she hurts people unintentionally, she just doesn’t want to do it on purpose. Scheana leaves because she’s got a curfew to return to her RealDoll box, and Katie immediately is like “IT’S MY TURN FOR CAMERA TIME.” She says that she got a lot of complaints at her wedding regarding Jeremy’s behavior, that he was even predatory. Ariana wants to snatch Katie’s wig as soon as she uses that word, and immediately defends her brother. Katie, being the ultimate in hypocrisy, tells Ariana she needs to advocate for those who can’t advocate for themselves right now. Katie is such trash because this is so pointed and so purposeful and so intended to make Ariana feel like a hypocrite. We get it, Katie, you hate Ariana and you really hate that she’s a better person than you are. Ariana reads between Katie’s lines, and Katie tries doing the plausible deniability thing and claiming Ariana misheard her. Lala comes and sits next to Ariana and tries to soothe her, but Ariana is so upset at this point that she’s seeing red.

I get why Ariana’s upset. She’s defending her family and Katie’s essentially saying she’s a bad feminist for doing so. I’m not saying Ariana’s right, and I’m definitely not saying Katie’s right. There’s a better way to handle this, but they should have known that with family involved, the emotions are heightened. Katie, you defend Schwartz’s shitty behavior constantly. Shut up. Ariana dismisses herself from the table and all the girls are like “Wait, sit down, calm down, what?” Stassi makes a false equivalency by saying Ariana can criticize Stassi all she wants under “hard truths”, yet Stassi can’t criticize Jeremy.

Because Ariana is not responsible for her brother’s behavior, and since she doesn’t know the entire story, she can only defend him. She’s not right for this. She could have listened more. But their issue is with Jeremy, not Ariana. The most feminist thing to do is to demand they hold Jeremy accountable instead of getting angry at Ariana for her brother’s bad behavior.

Over at Jax and Brittany’s apartment, Jax has a drum kit he’s showing to Tom Sandoval. Even Sandoval is like, “Man, you got spoiled for a guy who just cheated on his girlfriend.” Brittany is reinforcing bad behaviors by treating Jax like this. He’ll definitely cheat again if she continues to reward it. Tom decides to head over to Schwartz and Katie’s apartment because he needs to talk to Katie about what happened with Ariana. He calls it “complete and total bullshit”, because he’s Tom Sandoval. He’s never found a man he won’t blindly defend to the death.

Over at Katie and Tom’s, Stassi and Kristen have arrived and they’re going to make their own perfumes.

Are they making Delusion, by Scheana Shay?

Sandoval comes over and Schwartz immediately tells him to proceed with caution. Sandoval starts out and denies all of Jeremy’s behavior. Stassi and Kristen are continuing to maintain that Jeremy made them uncomfortable and Sandoval just... denies it. He literally says no, that didn't happen. He wasn't there, how would he know?

You don’t get to tell someone how they feel, Sandoval. You can’t just shoot down the way someone else feels. If multiple people are claiming to feel some kind of way about something, it might be worth inspecting. What do I know, though?

The most important part is when Stassi asks, “why would I lie about this?” When it comes to a lie, you always have to look at the side of the person who benefits from the lie. Stassi doesn’t benefit from lying about this, and neither do the millions of women who come forward with accusations of sexual misconduct. There is more to lose by coming forward, and literally nothing to gain. If you think they’re looking for a payoff, wonder who benefits from being paid to keep silent. Not the women. I once heard a story of a woman who came forward with accusations of sexual assault, signed an NDA and took the money, and then came to find out her NDA was so strict she couldn’t even talk about her experience with a therapist.

She attempted suicide because of it. Fuck NDAs, and fuck anyone who thinks that women who come forward about sexual harassment are looking to get paid off. There is no money that can erase that experience. And no amount of money is worth more than actual punishment. Sandoval doesn’t know what he’s talking about because he wasn’t there. Stassi’s tired of protecting men and Tom Sandoval tells her to watch herself. A man telling a woman to watch herself when she’s telling the truth is some Crucible bullshit. Tom claiming he’ll start telling truths about them if they continue to talk is just… sad, petty behavior.

Then again, Tom will protect every single move Jax makes if he can. It’s shocking Ariana, who is proudly pro-women, will put up with Tom, who is definitely pro-men in every single way.

Back at Jax and Brittany’s apartment, Brittany gets a call from her dad. Oh, and Brittany hasn’t told her dad about Jax’s cheating, even though she’s told her mother. She’s afraid to tell her dad because he’s gonna be upset. We get shots of Jax sensing something ominous in the air and listening in on Brittany’s conversation when she tells her dad Jax cheated on her.

Brittany’s dad is unsurprised. He can’t help himself. He has no control. Brittany’s heard this before from him, and that’s why she’s put distance between them. She doesn’t want her dad to “I told you so” her, but… he told her so. Brittany’s dad is a lot less unforgiving than Brittany’s mom, who is on her third marriage and continually tells Brittany to just put her head down and deal with it because she’s on TV now. Brittany’s dad wants him to grow up and get serious, and he doesn’t think that now that Jax is 485 years old if that’s really possible. If he wanted to grow up, he’d be grown up. Brittany’s dad is most definitely not on Team Jax.

Jax is like, “oh man, I’m doing so good at the drums now! What did your dad say? What did he say?” Jax isn’t upset about Brittany’s dad not liking him - he couldn’t give a fuck - he’s again, more upset that she’s “airing out their dirty laundry”. Talking to your parent about your relationship is not airing out dirty laundry. The fact that Jax was Brittany to isolate any conversation about him and his behavior is textbook abuser behavior. He only wants to talk about it with her so he can tell her how she feels. None of these other people have his side, only hers, so what do they know?

God, Brittany. Stop. This man thinks you talking to your parents about your problems is “dirty laundry”. No. That’s what they’re there for.

Brittany doesn’t want to deal with the pain and strife this would put on her family ever again. They’re already predisposed not to like him and she’s not trying to pile on. Jax promises he won’t do anything like that again (LIAR), but she’s not perfect, either.

Why. Are. Men. Like. This.

One of the reasons my ex and I broke up was his almost blatant refusal to see my side in things. Literally, one time we were talking, and I mentioned that the fact that does that bothers me. He apologized, and then immediately was like “well, you do that too.” And I burst into tears. I was already on edge, already frustrated at not being heard and not listened to, and here he was, making that my problem. It’s this stubborn need to always be not only right but right and justified in every situation. “It’s fine for me to do this because you do it too.” I’m not saying I’m right in my actions. But if I’m asking you not to hurt me, what’s so wrong with just apologizing?

Why do you need to say, “I’m sorry, but this isn’t only my fault”?

Brittany admits to her bad behavior and owns up to her imperfections, but Jax won’t. He’s like, “own up to it,” and she will. He tells her if she’s not happy, maybe she needs to move on. I don’t disagree, but this is just him trying to get out from under bad behavior. I do the same thing. “You chose to be with me, you can leave at any point.”

Jax just always needs to be the good guy. That’s Brittany’s problem. His need to be the good guy in his mind will always trump any of her feelings. Good Guys are just as bad as Nice Guys.

Lala, Ariana12 and Scheana head to the bar, where people are meeting them, namely Daddy Adam, who is my new bae. They’re all there to basically show Brittany that she doesn’t need Jax and that she’s swimming in a sea of hot dudes who want to bang her. Scheana knows that Jax is never going to change and the love of a good woman won’t do shit - he doesn’t deserve Brittany. Hottie Adam shows up and orders seven shots of tequila upon arrival. Brittany’s Out To Flirt and piss off Jax, and Adam is prime real estate.

Lala mentions her conversation with Stassi, and that she doesn’t think she’s out to get anyone. Scheana and Ariana are pissed at Stassi and Brittany’s defending Stassi. It’s charming, but only a tiny bit. Scheana’s drunk and takes Brittany aside for a drunken truth-telling. She tells Brittany the truth - you will never be able to change Jax, you don’t deserve to be treated like this, and you can do better. And Brittany’s main problem? She loves Jax. And she can’t just like, stop loving him. Scheana can’t understand her thought process on this, and Brittany can’t explain to people that she knows he’s wrong but she still loves him. Scheana doesn’t want Brittany to be where she is - 32, divorced and starting over from scratch.

Scheana knows what it’s like to lie to yourself and convince yourself it’s all going to work out in the end. It’s hilarious because she’s acting like she used to do this when she’s doing it right now. God damn, I love the producers of this show.

Next Time: Lisa doesn’t understand why Brittany’s still celebrating Jax, let alone taking him to Mexico for his birthday. Lala is “ready for Mexico” in that she’s… way too tan. Scary tan. We’re going to Playa del Carmen! Lala ain’t taking any of Jax’s shit. Sandoval needs to fuck off.

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

Y’all know I love Ariana and shit, but god damn, that red dress in the talking head? With the corset front? No. Ariana, take it off. Immediately. Trust me.

Meanwhile, Tom Sandoval’s talking head with the polka dot bowtie and the plaid pants? I love it. It’s so extra. He looks like a sexy butler.

Scheana thinks Billie Lee and Jeremy are fated because they both smoke weed.

Is Billie Lee the first trans person on Bravo? Bravo, Bravo, then.

I mean, Stassi and Kristen have a point to be afraid of being around Jeremy.

Okay, really - Brittany is losing sympathy for staying with Jax, and fast. The only way she can redeem herself is to dump him. She can’t keep putting herself in these scenarios and expecting a different response.

Hagrid from Harry Potter, for you Yanks. ↩︎

What part of England are the Kennedys from? Are they from Manchester? ↩︎

Who has taken to pronouncing “baby” like it’s two letters - “BB” ↩︎

Scheana is such a fucking Taurus. ↩︎

I won’t even tell people if I’ve applied for something exciting just in case it backfired. The minute you put something into words and say them aloud to someone else, they’re real. I don’t know where I got this superstition from. ↩︎

I love Brittany’s 2005 glasses so much. ↩︎

OH MY GOD HE ACTUALLY IS THE HOT NEW GUY AT SEXY UNIQUE RESTAURANT. Hellooooo, Adam. Adam, come to mama. ↩︎

In the words of Beverly Johnson, if you don’t have a top lip, get one. Have you guys heard my podcast yet? ↩︎

I’m choosing to think of him as Robbie Coltrane from National Treasure (Not the Nicolas Cage fantasy films, the British series about Operation Yewtree) and less Hagrid. Makes him easier to hate. ↩︎

Same reason I’ve never seen Finding Nemo all the way through but I can handle The Lion King. ↩︎

Read: a producer told her to ask. ↩︎

Dressed in only what can be described as “Beetlejuice for Pretty Little Thing.com” ↩︎

[jadeshannonmccann]

Hello darlings!

This blog post is a little overdue but I didn’t want to review straight away until I had time to review the results, too. There are a lot of questions that need to be answered in this post so I will get straight into it.

I suppose the first thing I better address is why I chose laser hair removal and what it was that helped me make the decision to go with We Love Laser for my treatment. Basically, I am very dark haired. My hair growth is very strong- in every sense- and I just find it so hard to manage.  Literally within a few hours of shaving, I have stubble. And I’m talking everywhere. I can’t plan outfits, I don’t feel comfortable in dresses, swimsuits or vest tops. I’ve tried everything except LHR- waxing, shaving, plucking, creaming, epilating… And to be fair, I was just getting really sick of it. The images I will use in this post are not my own but are good examples. Here are some examples I’ve found online of how my hair growth has been since I hit puberty. Gross, right?

A few of my friends had gone with laser hair removal and recommended it. But I never hopped on board because I had a few misconceptions. I thought that it would be really expensive. I thought that it would hurt. I thought that my hair growth was that bad that I would be in the few percent of people it doesn’t work on. Anyway, one day as I was pulling some leggins down passed my ankles to cover my thick, black stubble, I just decided that I’d try it. I couldn’t bare the thought of another dry shaving session as I ran out the door. And I started earning a bit of extra money so I could afford it (or what I thought it would cost). I figured that I could just enquire regardless and see even how it worked or what the technician would recommend. I literally had nothing to lose.

So once I’d decided that I’d give it bash, I just had to decide where to go- which I thought would be the hard part because I’d absolutely no clue how it worked or what defined ‘good’ treatment. And at that point, I decided not to overthink it. I popped up a post on my Facebook asking some of you guys if you recommended anywhere effective and affordable and I went with the most popular- which was We Love Laser in Dun Laoghaire, Co. Dublin. Which is flippant and definitely not very considerate but I do not regret my decision. I googled the number and called in with a very confusing call for the person on the recieving end. I basically just said: “I really think this is for me but I had no idea what I’m doing”. This is where my journey began.

A lovey lady named Grainne answered the phone and has been handling my case ever since- which I think is great because I personally would find it embarrassing if there were loads of different people at my private area or staring at my hair legs. And I would recommend being honest from the very start. I told a little white lie and it definitely bit me back. Once Grainne knew I had no knowledge of the treatment, she invited me in for a FREE consultation and squeezed me in for that very day. So, I got dressed and made my way to Dun Laoghaire. When I got to Dun Laoghaire, I got a coffee and did a sunbed. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

This is the part where I tell you that every customer gets a free consultaion. Absolutely none of this treatment has been discounted or free for me under promotional work. I am a paying customer and these will be honest reviews. 

My appointment was for 3pm and for once I was on time. Grainne met me with a lovely, big, warm smile and a welcoming, bubbly personality.  I felt embarrassed showing up with not a clue about me but she made it so easy. She explained EVERYTHING. From the hair growth, to how the procedure works, to how often I’d need it, how each stage would work and what I’d need to do to correlate all of this. And I was actually surprised at how much I wasn’t allowed do. First up, sunbeds. And yes, I lied about my last one. The reason there is such a long list of things you’re not supposed to do is obviously for your own safety. But I panicked because Grainne said she was gonna do a test patch and I was so excited and didn’t wanna have to wait. So I said my last sunbed was two weeks ago. But we soon found out the truth when she put the laser to my skin and it burned like hell. I wanted to get my full leg, biniki line and underarms done so Grainne test patched a small portion of each area. It was only painful where the sunbed had worked so I knew that this scale of pain wasn’t a normal thing.

In basic terms, the jist of what was explained:

Grainne explained that our skin is a really important organ and too much exposure to UV lighting can be damaging and result not only in pain but in really bad pigmenation. So I had to promise that I wouldn’t put any tan on until my appointment (or other alcohol based products), that I wouldn’t use sun beds or be out in the sun and that I would notify her of ANY supplements or medications that I took. I learned my lesson. She gave me informational leaflets and her phone number incase I had any questions. I was really happy with how my consultation went so I booked my first session. One of the main reasons I rebooked was not only because the treatment sounded like it would really work for me, but because I felt comfortable. We had a laugh, I realised I had no reason to lie, we got on great and she didn’t make me feel like an idiot. Cost wise, Grainne was really honest and open about how much the procedure would cost and even allowed me a payment plan of paying per session rather than up front. For my selected treatment, it would cost 200 euro per session and I am recommended to undergo at least 4. At first, I thought that sounded like a lot. But you book your appointments in advance so have time to organize money and in the grand scheme of how much I’ve ever spent or will spend on treatments that don’t work, it’s a reasonable amount. I had to wait three weeks for my next appointment because I had done that stupid sunbed. But the three weeks came and went. I abided by the rules and showed up for my next appointment. I was asked to exfoliate three days before the appointment and shave the day before- which I did.

I had to wait three weeks for my next appointment because I had done that stupid sunbed. But the three weeks came and went. I abided by the rules and showed up for my next appointment. I was asked to exfoliate three days before the appointment and shave the day before- which I did.

For this appointment, I went live on my Snapchat and shot the whole thing. Which was brave of me because I was butt naked and didn’t realise how uncomfortable I’d be. If you don’t want to miss any more extremely spontaneous vlogs, add me now- jademccannx.  Anyway, I basically arrived and was shown to the same room we had the consultation in. I stripped off and hopped up on the bed. Grainne cleaned me down with some cleanser and sectioned my body parts with white crayon. She explained  this makes it easier for her know where she has done. I was asked to wear protective glasses and lie back. The laser hair removal began.

Young woman having underarm laser hair removal treatment in salon

  And now to answer the most popular question: was it painful? I’m not gonna say no. In some areas I did not feel a thing. But in others, OH MAMA. It basically just feels like someones snapping you with an elastic band. And in more sensitive areas, that obviously hurts. But the pain is instant. It happens and goes. And the treatment is fast so it isn’t a huge thing, really. My full legs, full bikini and underarms took 50 minutes to zap. And I felt no pain other than the stinginess of the laser. No pain after. No tenderness. Nothing. And once Grainne was finished zapping me, she popped some Aloe Vera all over my treated areas and sent me on my way. For something considered so effective, it really doesn’t take a lot of time. I definitely wondered at this point whether I was being shammed- not gonna lie. It was just so breezy. The whole experience. But then I realized that the test patches that had been done had given me bald patches. So, it obviously was working, despite my paranoia.

It being ten days since this appoinment, I can say that my hair has started to fall out. Now, the hair doesn’t fall out then and there. It takes a while and sometimes comes out in clumps. But you’re not supposed to extract any of it yourself- so hide your tweezers. It is recommended that you exfoliate in your next shower and book yourself in to go back again in six weeks for your second session- which is what I have done.  It’s such a confidence boost knowing that soon enough I will have one less image issue to worry about because this was a huge thing for me and has affected my confidence.

Overall, I am really enjoying my experience with We Love Laser. Grainne has and continues to be brilliant. She is such great fun but still maintains professional persona. I know I can hit her up whenever I have any questions or concerns- which is huge because this is all new for me. And I’m actually really looking forward to my next appointment. If you would like to learn more about We Love Laser, CLICK HERE for the Facebook and HERE for the website. They also provide many other treatments and products for skin which, if you read the reviews on their Facebook page, hold amazing reviews. The website also has a list of treatments and the price list.

I definiely recommend We Love Laser– not only for the service but the quality of product as well. If anyone has anymore questions, please do not hesitate to contact me on any of the links below.

Until next time,

J x

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    We Love Laser: Consultation and First Session Review & Progress Hello darlings! This blog post is a little overdue but I didn't want to review straight away until I had time to review the results, too.