#shannon is trying so hard to be what her kid sisters need but then her panic response of 'get help' overwhelms everything

[birgittesilverbae]

wait, you can’t say dads!mary/shannon meetcute and then not give us the meetcute. inquiring minds would like to know!!

"Are you Mary?" 

Mary scrubs a hand across her brow, wiping away beads of sweat, and stands tall from where she'd been waist deep in an engine compartment. "That's me. What can I do you for?"

There's a low whistle and Mary pauses for a moment, deciding whether or not to preen. She knows she looks good, her back and arms wiry with muscle from years of wrestling with cars, but some asshole hitting on her at seven in the morning is that absolute last thing she needs. 

She turns, then, with a sigh. "What do you want?"

The girl isn't even looking at her, and Mary re-evaluates the whole encounter. She's got her face buried in her phone, eyebrows pinched tight together, a look of concern readily apparent on her face.

"Hello? Anybody in there?"

The girl jumps, flushes bright red to her hairline. "Sorry, sorry, just got a text from my– my sister. Yeah. My sister. You're Mary, yeah?"

"Who's asking?"

She sticks out her hand and Mary takes it. The handshake is firmer than she'd expected, the girl's forearms corded with as much muscle as Mary's. "Shannon. The guy at the front desk really sang your praises about your skill with jeeps."

"Did he, now?"

"Said you're the best he's ever seen with them."

"He's not wrong," she admits, leaning back against the truck's bumper. "Though I haven't worked on any in a few months. You bring one in for me to look at?"

Shannon's smile is blindingly bright. "Well, here's the thing…"

//

"Want some more water?"

Mary shades her eyes with her hand and squints up at Shannon. "Do I want some more water," she echoes.

"Yeah." Shannon shakes her water bottle in demonstration, her tank top gapping open with the movement, revealing flashes of hard abs. Mary tears her eyes away, forces her gaze back to Shannon's face. "Hydration is paramount."

Mary grabs for a pebble and flings it at her. "Remind me again why I agreed to let you drag me out into the middle of nowhere?"

"Because it's your job?" 

"I'm a mechanic, not a backcountry hiker."

"Well, today you're whatever I pay you to be," Shannon snaps back, eyes flashing angrily. She jerks her head towards the trail. "It's only a kilometre or two further."

Mary pushes herself to her feet with a groan and shoves Shannon's shoulder as she passes, swiping the water bottle from her hand on her way. "Better get moving, then."

//

The jeep's halfway down a gully, still in the shade of the cliff wall. Mary eyes it as they clamber down towards it. An older model, beaten up but quite clearly lovingly repaired. An enthusiast's jeep, not just a weekend warrior's. She eyes Shannon with renewed interest, but Shannon's gaze is elsewhere. 

"Lilith?"

Mary startles once at the volume of Shannon's yell, a second time when a head pops up in the rear of the jeep.

"Back here, Shan," the kid calls. She's sixteen, maybe seventeen, and she eyes Mary with deep-seated distrust. 

"Settle, Lilith, she's here to help. Where's Bea?"

Mary jumps a third time when a hand is raised beside Lilith and waves awkwardly.

"'m here, Shan." It's another young voice, high-pitched and reedy. Lilith catches the waving hand and kneels back out of sight. 

"My sisters," Shannon says, as though that explains anything at all given how little alike she and Lilith look. She nods towards the hood of the jeep. "I think it might be something with the radiator, but I'm not sure."

"What–"

Shannon shakes her head, tugs on her backpack strap. "Keys should be in the ignition. I need to–" She gestures awkwardly towards the rear of the vehicle, and Mary nods her assent. At least the presence of two teenagers likely decreases the chance she's going to end up murdered, right? 

//

"You were right about it being the radiator," Mary says, poking her head into the back of the jeep.

"Huh?" Shannon's head snaps around towards her from where she's kneeling beside a prone teenager. Lilith's got the girl – Bea? – Bea's head in her lap, and Shannon's rucked her shirt up to reveal her stomach. There's a massive bruise spanning her side, centred on imprints of waist and chest seatbelts. Shannon strokes Bea's cheek and nods to Lilith. "I've just gotta–"

"Go wheel," Bea says, her voice hazy. Lilith snorts out a laugh, and when Shannon jumps down from the back of the jeep her face is bright red. 

"Wheel?" Mary asks, but Shannon shakes her head. 

"Ignore her, she's a bit out of it. You said it was the radiator?"

"Leak in the coolant hose. I patched it with duct tape. Should be enough to get it back to the shop to replace the hose." Mary glances down the gully. "Not to judge or anything, but did you really go off-roading without knowing that emergency fix?"

Shannon's face manages to turn even more red, if that's possible. "No, I know that," she says, pulling off her ballcap and running a hand through her hair. "I just– I wasn't thinking clearly." She gestures towards the rear of the jeep. "I think of Lilith as more capable than she actually is sometimes and I let her drive because she's got her learner's permit so it's fine, right, only obviously it wouldn't be but I get carried away with them sometimes because they're just, like, so adult about so many things and–"

"Hey," Mary says, laying a hand on Shannon's forearm, "hey, breathe."

Shannon presses a hand to her chest and breathes deeply, once, twice, a third time. "I'm sorry I jumped down your throat on the way up," she says, her voice ragged. "I really appreciate you coming out here."

"Well, my thought process was 'if I die, I die, and I'm bored anyways'," Mary admits, shoving her hands in her pockets and shrugging. 

Shannon peers up at her. "Oh, God, this was a really strange request, wasn't it. I didn't think that through at all. Oh, fuck me."

"Well, yeah, the five klick hike back to town when you absolutely have cell service out here kinda clued me in to that." Mary chuckles at the stricken look on Shannon's face. "It happens, alright? Your sister got hurt, it's normal to panic about that. But I've patched the hose and topped up the coolant to replace the leakage and we're gonna get her to the hospital to get her ribs looked at and then you're gonna pay me more than it's worth to replace the hose."

"And you're gonna get her phone number," Bea's slurred voice calls from the back of the jeep. 

Shannon turns scarlet, and Mary cocks an eyebrow, unable to tamp down a smug grin. "Is that so?"

"And take her on a date," Bea adds, almost as an afterthought.

Shannon buries her face in her hands and sighs.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

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69 for ❄️:

---

“How hard it is when grief and anger come hand in hand. When you feel like things should have been different and the fact that they’re not is a reflection on you.”

“How do you make peace with it?” Eddie asks, feeling helpless. “I mean, can you ever? When they’re gone? Did you, with your brother?”

Charlie frowns. “My brother isn’t dead.”

“What?” Eddie asks. “You said you lost him and his whole family?”

“Yeah, I… That might have not been the best way of explaining all that,” Charlie admits, scratching his chin.

“I’m sorry I misunderstood,” Eddie mumbles. But he kind of feels like this one isn’t on him.

“My brother is alive,” Charlie reconfirms. “My parents are dead. My sister-in-law and niece and nephew are dead. But my brother is alive.”

Eddie feels cold. “That’s heavy. I’m sorry.”

“Hmm,” Charlie hums in agreement. “So I guess it’s a different question for my brother than your wife. I get it when it comes to my father, though. The inability to find closure.”

Eddie nods.

“Then, shouldn’t you try to get it with your brother?” He asks. “You know… Before it’s too late?”

“We’re not that old, kid.” Charlie laughs. Part of the way he says it makes Eddie think of Bobby. It’s the sort of thing he’d say to deflect. 

“Shannon died at twenty-six crossing the street,” Eddie says. “Age has nothing to do with it..”

“Yeah,” Charlie sighs. “My dad was young, too. Drunk. Fell and hit his head. My brother found him in the morning.” 

“Fuck,” Eddie exhales.

“He was thirteen.” 

Christopher’s age. 

“That’s… That would fuck up a kid,” Eddie says. “I mean, Christopher just saw a woman who looks like his dead mother, and… Yeah.”

“It did fuck him up. Real bad,” Charlie agrees. “I was so mad at him for so long. Dad loved him, you know? Like he could tell he was the ideal son and I was the one made a little different. Only one of us got hit, you know?” 

Eddie nods. He does know. 

“Yeah, my middle sister was the golden child,” Eddie says. “Still is. Not her fault, but…”

“You can’t help but resent them.” 

“Right.” 

There’s a long pause while that settles over them.

“Things aren’t so bad with me and Sophia, though,” Eddie says. “Are we close? No. But if we needed each other, we’d be there. It sounds like you and your brother, though… There’s a lot of damage.”

[snowviolettwhite]

Spent today working on the mood-board for my upcoming 9-1-1 Alternative Universe Fan-Fiction Set In 2011. Making moodboard and doing interested boards help inspire me and get ideas flowing. So I want to share it. Look how adorable teenage Buck, Eddie and Shannon are. They look so young, little cutie pies.

It will be called "don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up." It is from Harry Style's Matilda.

Below is what I have written so far, it is still in the works. You can also check out my 9-1-1: Lone Star Fan-Fiction.

---

Set in the early 2010s with barely eighteen and barely out of high school Buck and Eddie running away from home to California and joining the fire academy and eventually joining the 118. Eddie would bring baby Christopher with him. Eddie's parent did not think he was mature and adult enough to take care of Chris as a 20-something year old, so is would be even worse for teenagers, people who are transiting from childhood/teenage-hood to young adulthood and still being treated like kids.

---

It is June of 2011. The schools wide across the nation are all out for summer vacation from Hershey, Pennsylvania to El Paso, Texas.

Evan Buckley is the blonde, blue eye rascal who is always getting hurt and in trouble. He is the baby of the family but the only person who has ever paid attention to him is his big sister Maddie.

Edmundo Diaz is the young teen dad who got his best friend and girlfriend pregnant. He is the middle child and was the sane one compared to sisters until now.

They say if you want to be treated like an adult act like an adult. How are supposed to act like an adult at eighteen years old, haven’t been out of high school even a month, being dragged home by the cops and being scolded at the front door or being yelled in your childhood bedroom. Sometimes this makes you want to run away.     

----

It is June of 2011.

The city of El Paso, Texas school district has let for summer break and held graduation for this year’s high school seniors, they are no longer twelfth graders.

They are adults or as much as one can feel like an adult at eighteen years old, and silently sobbing in your childhood bedroom, hugging your worn-out stuffed animal dog with your back pressed against the door, trying not to wake your napping infant son who in his crib as your mother is yelling at you.

“Edmundo Diaz, you are in so much trouble young man. Open this door right now! You live under in my house. You live by my rules and aren’t too old to be put over my knees. Just wait until your father gets home. I can’t do deal with you.”

Edmundo Diaz or Eddie as he prefers being called was a good catholic boy. He never misbehaved or caused trouble but a little too soft, that was until Shannon showed up. They met in the eighth grade. They became best friends and were inseparable until they lose touch but found their way back to each other. She introduced herself being all sweet and friendly. She was sunshine. His family hated Shannon. They said she was a bad influence on him and he started acting different after meeting her. She was his first kiss, his first girlfriend, this first time. Good catholic boys wait until marriage, she is his first and only.

Shannon will back soon, she is visiting colleges in California. When she comes back they will make a plan for themselves and for their beautiful baby boy, Christopher. For now, he has been having never ending fights with his parents. It is about how stupid he was getting a girl pregnant while still in high school and a teenager or how he needs to toughen up or grow up. It is kind of hard to grow up when nobody goes around hiring eighteen-year-old and your parents are still treating you like a child.

“Edmundo, how could you let this happen? You and Shannon are still kids. You are barely able to take care of yourselves. How are you supposed to take care of a baby?”

---

Inspired By This Photo:

[aggressivelyaverage21]

Once A Rookie Chapter 23: Ecclesiastes 7:9

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools.

Shannon tries to figure out what is going on with her emotions. Mary calls her out. Beatrice loses some cookies. Lilith is just here trying her best. Shannon gets BIG MAD... again... kinda.

By the time the debrief finishes Beatrice was essentially catatonic. She’d regurgitated the same thing she’d told Mary, managing to keep her voice from shaking by some miracle. Beatrice found a sort of coldness in the facts to hide behind, it was almost easy that way. It struck her for the first time that maybe Gwen’s instructions on how to report weren’t purely y to keep it “professional” or for protocol– maybe she had been attempting to give a way to make the impossible a little easier for her group of rookies. 

Mother Superion nodded along while Beatrice soldered through her account just as she did with each of the other sister warriors. It wasn’t nearly as inquisitive as Beatrice thought it might be with reinforcements needing to be called in, and a fatality occuring. For all of Mother Superion’s rigidity, she accepted what happened and commended the team for handling it as well as they had. It wasn’t praise, but it wasn’t criticism either. 

Apparently satisfied with the account of the assignment, Mother Superion excused herself to further coordinate with the group securing the scene. Shannon’s grip on her anger was slipping as she turned away from her team, touching her thumb to each one of her fingers at her side. 

This was the part where Shannon should be giving them directions, finalizing any logistics, covering any saved rounds. Yet there she was, still keyed up enough to need to battle her anger before addressing the team, more specifically Beatrice. 

Lilith hadn’t seen Shannon like this often. She was intense, at least that was Shannon’s reputation around Cat’s Cradle. Lilith disagreed, she found Shannon to be incredibly professional– put together in a way that was hard to shake. Intensity like hers was something Lilith respected, and attempted to use as her model. Shannon did it without being cold, but aside from her inner circle she knew Shannon was sometimes characterized as closed off. 

She had to be. If Lilith had learned anything from her upbringing, her grooming , it was that responsibility like Shannon’s, like hers, carried a weight that was not only hard to share, but shouldn’t be shared. Not outside of the most inner parts of an inner circle. 

She hadn’t seen Shannon struggle with it like this. Not for something that didn’t seem, well, large enough an offense to warnent it. Shannon’s anger in the past had been exacting and well placed. She was also the first to be there for sisters when an assignment had gone wrong in a very real, very graphic, very hard, way– the way Lilith knew it had gone for Beatrice. 

Shannon, somehow, was always above the needing someone– at least to the rest of the order. Shannon went to Mary, or– more accurately– Mary went to her and Mary-ed it out of her. 

Yet, here she stood. So roughly contained. 

It was hard enough to look at, harder than it was to look at Beatrice as she battled with everything she’d seen, and Lilith decided she’d rather settle for watching Mary watch Shannon than look at either Shannon or Beatrice directly. The other woman knew her best after all, and if Mary was concerned then there was a real cause for worry. 

Apparently there was. 

Because Mary had shifted her attention from Shannon, and deliberately sought out Lilith. Silently, with nothing more than a quick glance at Beatrice, and tilt of her head toward the door, Mary was telling Lilith, and the kid: get lost.  

Beatrice had yet to look away from the corner of the white board. She’d been somehow quieter than normal for the entirety of the debrief. And now, with the distant glassy quality to her eyes, Lilith knew she’d fallin into the trap of playing out the horrors of the mission like a movie– Lilith had done the same. She was even wiping at blood that no longer colored her hands. 

Maybe the ‘ get lost,’ was less that and more ‘ get her out of here.’ 

Lilith looked back to Mary with a nod as she took Beatrice by the elbow first, then shifted her hand to the small of the younger girl’s back as she guided her from the room. 

“But–” 

Lilith shook her head again, this time at Beatrice– Once. Quick and decisive as she pushed the door open and sent Beatrice through it before she followed immediately after. Their roles had been somewhat assumed before they even left, but they were made very clear in the moment of understanding she so rarely had with Mary: Lilith would show Beatrice how to return everything and keep her busy while Mary dealt with Shannon. 

As the door closed behind the younger two Mary felt herself letting out a breath of relief. Until the noise of the door jarred Shannon into turning around, searching for the younger members of her team only to find they weren’t there. 

Mary shifted to place herself further between Shannon and the door. “I told Lilith to take her.” 

“What– Mary.” Shannon was almost growling, her hand paused the tapping to swing wildly at the door motioning after Lilith and Beatrice, “Get them back in here, we have stuff to go over.” 

“No.” Mary pouted her lip a bit as she shook her head, defiant as always. It was a decision to go toe to toe with Shannon in her aggression, but it was the only thing she could think to do at the moment to get her to listen. Clearly her suppression wasn’t working. Maybe getting it to boil over would do the trick. “We don’t.” 

Shannon huffed as she turned, her hands found her hips as she started pacing. Mary wasn’t sure if the lack of rebuttal was because she knew Mary was right or if she didn’t have a response at all. 

Shannon shifted as paced. Her hands alternated every few steps from resting on her hips and clenching at fists at her side. Occasionally they would even wipe aggressively at her face. 

So it continued. Hips. Face. Sides. Back of her neck.  Like she couldn’t figure out what her hands wanted to do. 

It was restless. Almost caged. 

 And it was nearly as maddening to watch as Mary was sure it felt. Yet, Mary let it go on until Shannon’s coif was thrown in an angry heap to the conference table with a vocalization that was somewhere between a muffled yell and a frustrated groan. 

"You need to get your shit together."

"Language." It was a half assed scold at best. Mary was pretty sure Shannon didn’t do it consciously anymore. Certainly not this time because her injection hadn’t so much as caused a hitch in Shannon’s pacing. 

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[iheartgracie]

shannon lynch and joey lynch quotes in binding 13

“You're blushing," Joey stated, sounding amused.

It was a completely accurate assessment, one I furtively denied. "I am not."

He snorted. "Yeah, you fucking are."”

"It's too dark to see that, so how do you even know that I'm blushing?"

Joey laughed softly. "So, you admit it?"

"I do not." I bit back a curse. "And I am not.”

“I can't even think about it without going out in sympathy with the poor bastard."

"But what if–"

"No!"

"But I just –"

"Goodnight Shannon!" Flopping onto his side with his back to me, Joey grumbled, "Thanks for my future nightmares.”

“Without our parents' presence, it was down to Joey and me to fend for our younger siblings.”

“My lie didn’t seem to comfort my brother, though. He just stared back at me, looking broken and defeated.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Shan," my brother choked out, dropping his head in his hands. "I should have been here.”

“Myself and Shannon have each other," Joey interrupted, gesturing a finger between us. "That's it.”

“What I'm trying to say here is that I appreciate you looking out for my sister," he finally said. "She's had a hard few years and Tommen seems like a good fit for her. So, I guess I'm hoping that you continue keeping an eye out for her at school –you know, making sure no one is giving her any hassle.”

“I think you need to buy that girl a ring, Joe," I announced as I read and then reread the note Aoife had left on my brother's bedside locker on Sunday morning. "She's a keeper."

"Yeah," Joey muttered, scratching his jaw. "She must really love me."

"Uh, you think?" I rolled my eyes. "She adores you."

"But I don’t get why she would do this for me."

"Me either," I teased. "Especially when you look so much like Shrek."

"Cheeky fucker," he chuckled, play-shoving me. "Give me a look at that note again.”

“I know I don’t say this often, but I want you to know that I love you and I'm so bloody grateful that you're my big brother."

Joey pulled a face. "Are you going soft on me, baby sister?"

"No." I blushed. "I just want you to know that you're important to us. And we appreciate everything you do for us."

Don’t leave us. Please don’t ever leave me.

"Well, right back atcha, kid,”

“Hold on, Shan. I almost forgot–" Breaking off mid-sentence, Joey padded into kitchen, returning a few moments later with a small, gift wrapped parcel in his hands.

Joey handed me the gift and then ruffled my hair. "Happy sweet sixteenth, Shan."

"Thanks Joey." I beamed, clutching what I already knew was a CD beneath the pink wrapping paper.”

“With his arm wrapped around my shoulders, he walked me over to the table and lowered me onto a chair. "You're okay," he kept whispering, and I wasn’t sure if he was telling me this or himself. "You're okay. I'm here. I'm right here, Shan.”

“Ollie, Tadhg, and Sean all hurried into the kitchen then with backpacks on their backs. All three of them went straight to Joey. Because he was our protector. He was the reason we were all in one piece. He was our hero.”

[reimagine7]

Adopted by whom?

Warnings: lighty mentions of physical abuse

This was my third camp, I was really excited. Even though I knew these womens for only a year, they became like family to me, a few of them were even closer, like Mal and Rose, probably because we are closer to age, so we have a lot of fun together. Tobin and Christen are like moms for me, since the first day of camp they took me under their wings and were super protective, they were worried about my school work and if I ate well or if I drank enough water, even after camp they kept talking and asking how I am, and I talk about them so much that my moms got jealous, and said they are my team moms.

I told this to Tobin and Christen, they laughed at it and began to call me their daughter, so I started to call them mom. They wanted to meet my parents but that didn’t happen yet. Why? Because I didn’t tell them that I am adopted, or that I have two mothers, let alone that one of them is none other than Shannon MacMillan. I know I should but it is a sensitive topic for me and I'm scared that they will treat me differently after they find out about it. That’s why I haven't told anyone on the team about it yet, but I'm thinking about doing so after this camp.

“Kid!! I miss you so much” Tobin ran towards me and gave me a big hug. “Mom, we talked yesterday.” “I know, but I can't hug you on facetime.” “Okay, I miss you too.” “I don’t get a hug?” Christen asked and opened her arms for me to hug her, so I did. “Mama I miss you too.” “Hi sweetie. Excited for camp? How is school?” “The same, boring but my grades are good. And I can't wait for everyone to get here.”

“Siisss!!!” Rose and Mal scream as soon as they spot me in the looby and come running. “Rose!! Mal!! How are you guys?”. We jumped on each other and ended up in the ground on a group hug. “Hey, you weren’t as excited when you saw us. I feel betrayed.” Tobin complained pouting while watching our interaction. “Kids get up before you hurt each other.” Christen separated us and pulled us up. “Sorry mom, but I love you too.” I said to Tobin who still had a pout on her face, so I went and hugged her again.

The rest of the team were finally arriving in the lobby of the hotel, we were talking when Jill spoke up and designated our roommates for this camp, and I was with Tobin. We went up and went to our room. We had lunch soon so we chilled and talked for a bit in our room, until it was time for lunch. So here we are, everyone eating and having fun talking about everything.

On the table was Sonnett, Rose, Linds, Sam, Mal and myself. Sonnett was telling everyone a funny story about her family.

“I’m serious, we were at this party and I kept annoying this girl, who was a douchebag. I forgot about it and started to dance and have some fun, but then suddenly a boy cornered my sister and I heard the girl saying she was the girl who annoyed her and he was about to push her when the parents stepped in. Long story, but in short my sister ended up two days grounded because of that.” “You never told them the truth?” I asked her. “A few years later. They grounded me as well, that was not fun.” “I wish I could have a twin sister, so we could switch places all the time.” Rose commented. “I wish I could have a sister.” Mal complained.

“At least you have your parents all to yourself. You are the favorite.” Sam complained only to be mocked by Linds “Someone is grumpy because it’s not the favorite child.” “And you are?” “Of course.” “Alright, this is not what your brother says.” Sonnett interfered with a smirk. “But I'm for sure not the favorite, my parents don’t hide it.” “Me neither, I’m sure they love me but I have my doubts about who their favorite is. It’s probably Wilma, I don’t blame them.” Everyone laughed at Rose's statement.

Until Mal asked me a question. “What about you Y/n? I’m sure you are your parents favorite.” “Yeah, I don't know. My brother is 10 so... pretty tough competition.” “Wait! You have a brother?” Sonnett asked incredulously. “Yeah.” “Why have we never heard about it? We actually never heard much about your family Y/n.” One of them asked me. Shit, why do I have to open my mouth. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I tried to avoid their eyes so they would know that I didn’t want to talk about it. But Sonnett didn't get it. “Why not? Your parents can’t be that bad?” “Sonnett!! Shut up. Y/n/n, that’s okay, if you don’t want to tell us you don’t have to.” Lindsey said, trying to make me look at them. “But you know that you can tell us everything right?”

I didn’t want to talk about it, and if I stayed one more minute here I would cry, so I decided to leave for my room. “Yeah… I...I think I’m going back to my room. Bye.” “Y/n. Wait! We are not talking about it again. Come back.” Rose tried to stop me, but I stood up so fast that I didn’t even register my surroundings. So as soon as I turned around, I bumped into Ashlyn and her juice spread all over my shirt. Fuck! Ash began to apologise, but now I could feel everyone's eyes on me and all I wanted was to get out of here. “Sorry Speedy, you turn so fast. I…” “That’s okay.” I interrupted her, got free of her hands and walked as fast as I could out of the dinner room.

No one's pov

Meanwhile at the youngies table.

“That was odd.” Sam broke the silence. “I didn’t do it on purpose.” “We know Sonnett. Should we follow her? Or talk to Tobin?” Lindsey asked, trying to comfort Sonnett who was blaming herself for her teammate's outburst.

“Too late for that. Tobin is already coming on her momma bear mode. I’m always scared when she is like this.” Mal spoke looking at Tobin with wide eyes.

“Girls, what happened to Y/n? Why did she get out?” The girls looked at each other until Rose decided to answer Tobin’s question. “We don’t know exactly. We were talking about our families and when we asked about hers she got weird and said she would go to her room.” Tobin sighed and nodded. “Thanks, I will go check on her.”

Tobin pov

I knocked on the door and opened it, when I entered the room I saw Y/n laying on the bed looking at the ceiling.

“Hey, kid. What’s going on?” “Not now Tobin, I just want to be alone for a minute. I’m fine.” “Yeah, you’re not.” Y/n shakes her head and asks. “And how do you know that?” “For starters, you get out of the dinner earlier than usual and without saying goodbye. Then you call me Tobin, you never do that only when you’re not okay.”

With that Y/n sighed and sat on the bed. “It’s just a hard topic for me.” “Your family?” I asked, trying to understand, she just nodded her head.

We stayed in bed for a minute. I waited to see if she was giving me anything else, but that didn’t happen. “Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, I get it. But let's at least take this shirt off.”

I helped her get up to take the dirty shirt off, but then I looked at her back and saw some scars on it. I was about to take a better look but she quickly pulled back down, trying to hide it. But it was too late, I had already seen it.

“Y/n, what are those marks on your back?” “Are from soccer.” She told me, not looking at me. “I’m not buying it. Tell me the truth.” “It’s nothing Tobin. Give up on this.” “Nope. Right there, you call me Tobin again. Come on kid, you know I won’t give up so soon. So buy us some time and tell me what’s going on.” “It’s hard, Tobs.” “And I’m here by your side, you can tell me everything. But I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.” “Everything is fine now, it’s already in the past. But I'm still learning to trust people, so I normally don’t talk about it with others. I want to, but when I do I cry and I don't want to cry in front of the team.” “Kid, we will never judge you for crying.” “I know but I never had this, not until three years ago. So it is hard to let people in.” “What do you mean? You wanna tell me about it? “

She hesitated for a minute but nodded. She was about to say something when my phone rang. I looked at it and turned off the call, it was Christen but I couldn’t talk right now.

“It’s okay if you need to go. I’ll be fine.” Y/n told me in a low voice. “I’m here for you kid, you can trust me, after all i’m your mom isn’t I?” “Yeah. You are. It’s not actually complicated. It’s just that, my dad abandoned my family when I was 7, a month later my mom found out she was pregnant. Things were already tough, but my mom did everything she could for us to be happy, but a year later she died in a car crash.”

Tears began to fall from her face, so I put my hand on her back trying to comfort her.

“I’m sorry for that Y/n/n. You don’t need to keep going if you don’t want to.” “I want to tell you everything.” After a minute she stopped sobbing and spoke again. “Well, after that my father didn’t want us so we ended up in foster care and that’s why I don’t like to talk about my family. Is not because I don't trust you, but is because for most part of my life I didn't quite have one. I have just a few memories from my biological mother and I had to take care of my little brother during seven years of my life. Is not simple to talk about it. I was abused from the age of 8 until I turned 14 years old. That's where my marks are from, they hit on me just because they wanted to.”

I hugged her, but didn’t say a thing, I knew that’s what she needed right now. After a few minutes I spoke up. “Kid, I had no idea that you passed through this all. But I want to tell you that this doesn't change our relationship, I still love you and will fight everyone who messes with you, and you know Christen will as well.” “Thank you Tobs.”

After a minute of silence, I decided to ask her what I was scared to ask. “This is still happening? I want to do something about it. I won’t let any of this happen to you again.” “No, three years ago me and my brother got adopted. I told you the truth when I told you that everything is good now. They are amazing and are helping me to get better.” “That’s good. That’s why we never meet them? You didn’t want us to know your story?” “Yeah, that’s one of the reasons.” “One?” “Yeah, well the other one you will understand when you see my moms.” “Your moms?” I asked, still not sure I had heard it right. “Yeah, I got adopted by two moms.” “Oh, Megan will love this.” “I know.” “You want to come back for lunch or do you want to stay here?” “Stay here. Can we just watch a movie?” “Fine, but I choose.”

I jumped on top of her and got the remote so I could choose the movie. “No way, we are on my bed, so I choose.” She got the remote from my hands. “No no, I'm your mother so I choose.” “There’s nothing to do with it. I won’t give it to you.” “Yes you are.”

With that I began to tickle her, trying to get the remote back. Then there was a knock on the door and it opened, but we were too occupied to see who it was. “Okay kids, let's stop the fight.” Oh, that’s Chris. “Tell that to Tobs, she is the one attacking me.” “I see.” Christen separated us. “How are my girls? I’ve been told that I should come here to check on you both, but by the look of things I guess that is all sorted out now.” I looked at Y/n and she had a smile on her face. “I think we are better now right?” “Yeah, much better. Thank you Tobs.” “Of course, I'll always be here for you.” She hugged me and I gave a kiss on her head.

“Oh, I feel left out now.” “Sorry Chris, but Tobs will tell you everything later. But I know I can count on you as well. I’m going to change my shirt now and wash my red face.”

Y/n stood up and left the remote on the bed. “Yes, I got the remote.” I could see Y/n shaking her head and then closing the bathroom door, Chris came to me, gave me a quick peck and asked me what happened.

Your pov

I went to the bathroom to change my shirt and clean myself, and I could hear Tobin telling Christen a little bit of what I told her. “‘What was that about?’ ‘The girls were talking about family stuff on the table and the topic is a little complicated for her. She lost her mom really young and lived in foster care most part of her life, and just recently got adopted. I tell you more later, don’t worry about it.’” I’m glad I finally got to share my story with someone else, and it is no surprise that the two of them were the first to know, I like them a lot.

While I was in the bathroom my phone started to ring.

“Kid, your phone is ringing and is your mom. She wants to facetime.” Tobin yelled from the bed. “Which one?” I yelled back. “Humm… mom Mac?!” Oh, maybe that is a great time to introduce them.

“Could you answer for me? I’m almost finishing.” “Me?” “Yeah, you didn’t want to meet her? That’s the time. She wants to talk to you both as well.” There was a silence in the room, until Chris spoke. “I don’t think that is a good idea.” “You’ll like to talk with her. Don’t you trust me?” “Fine.” Tobin answered me and accepted the call, ready to talk to my mom.

“Hi hon… Oh, hi Tobin!” I could hear my mom speaking. I was already changed, but I wanted to see their reactions while meeting my mom. “Hi… wait your Shannon MacMillan.” Toby speaks and stays with an open mouth. “Yes, and I was told that you are my daughter’s roommate. Oh, hi Christen I didn't see you before. How are you doing?” “Your daughter?” Now was Christen's time to stay in shock. “Yeah Y/n. Is she alright?” “Yeah, but… what?” Tobin was speechless, so I decided to intervene.

“Oh hi mom, sorry I was in the bathroom.” “Hi honey and taking by Tobin and Christen's faces I believe you hadn’t told them about me, am I right?” “Maybe? I actually didn’t tell anyone on the team, I dodged their questions about my family. You know how I am, I wanted them to get to know me first.” “I know.” “But I had told Tobin almost everything, I just kept your name out of it. She saw my scars and made me explain it.” I lightly elbowed Tobin, trying to take her off her transe. “Made you?” I think it worked. “Y/n!!”

“I’m kidding, kind of. She just got overprotective and wanted to punch the person who made me those, so I had to explain the story to her.” “Yeah, I was right she is definitely your team mom. And don’t worry Tobin, they are already taken care of.” Tobin laughed and poked me in my sides “I told you, now even your mom agrees with me. But I gotta say this is kind of crazy.” “Whatever, that doesn't mean you can choose the movie.” “Movie?” Mom asked, not quite understanding what we were talking about. So Chris came to the rescue. “When I got here they were in a tickle fight, because Tobin wanted to choose the Netflix movie and Y/n had the remote.” I completed it. “Christen saves me, but then Tobin got the remote, so it looks like we will be seeing her movie.”

“Seems like you’re having fun. I just called to tell you that the thing you buy on the internet has arrived, I hid it in the garage. I'm sure your mama won’t find it there.” Great, my mama birthday present has arrived. “Cool, and is everything ok?” “Yes, as we expected. We’ll call you later to talk more, I just took that I was alone now so I could warn you.” “Thanks mom.” “Bye honey. Bye Tobin and Christen.” “Bye Shannon.” They say in unison.

So I turned off the call and looked at them, they had a surprised look on their face so I got ready for the questions. Mainly the questions were about why I didn't tell them or the team about it, how I ended up with them and I had to explain my whole story again for Christen. In the end, it was already time for team meeting and we were getting ready to go.

As we waited for the elevator, I remembered to ask them something. “Guys, please don’t tell the team nothing about it.” “Why not? Speedy, I already told you that they won’t treat you any different.” Tobin scolded me. “I just... I will tell them when I feel comfortable, but for now just keep this secret for me. Please mom!!” “You can’t pull the mom card like this.” “Why not? You told yourself that you’re my team mom.” Tobin kept staring at me until she gave up. “Fine. But I think you should at least tell them about your mom, because if they find out about it from another person they're gonna be mad.” Christen punches Tobin in the arm. “Tobin! They are not gonna be mad at you Y/n. Just at the moment, and then they will just fill you with questions. But the last part is going to happen either way.” “Oh, so different from what I said.” Tobin said with sarcasm, but Christen sent her a killer look. “Sorry! But if by any chance, someone annoys you because of who your mother is, tell me and I will kick their ass.” Tobin told me with a serious look.

“You mean if they mocked me because Tobin Heath is my mom?” I tried to contain my laugh. “Oh, shut up!!” She got my head and began to rub it. “Mom stop!!” “Kids stop with it. Let’s go or we are gonna be late.”

With that we entered the elevator and I could see that Chris had a worried face on. My story must have affected her, she has a sad expression, so I decided to lighten her mood a little bit. “Oh Christen, you don’t need to be mad. You and mom are a couple, so that means you are my mom as well.” I hugged her and she kissed my head. She tightened the hug, and I knew some tears were rolling down her face. “Thank you Y/n, you for sure can come for me anytime you need. I’ll always be here for you.” “I know. You’re the mom I listen to but also the mom who grounds me, and Tobin is the mom who takes me out of the ground, and also the one who tries to cover my mess.” Christen rolled her eyes, understanding what I was trying to do. She cleaned the tears that had fallen out and shook her head, but now with a smile on her face. Tobin on the other hand protested. “I would never do that Christen!” “Why can't I believe that?”

With that the elevator door opened and Christen got out first, then Tobin raised her hand for me to hit it. I love these two. We got to team meeting and discussed our training sessions, how our week is going to be and other things. The meeting took about an hour. After it, the whole team went to dinner, me and Tobin were talking about the conversation we had early about my past soccer teams and how my mom is a crazy fan, so we got our food and sat at some table don’t even looking to see who was on the other ones. But as we were talking Christen, Megan, Ash, Julie, Ali, Alyssa and Carli sat at our table as well.

“I’m telling you Tobs, once she got so mad about a bad call that she almost got inside the field to yell at the referee, luckily my 9 years old brother stopped her.” Tobin was laughing her ass out. “I would die to see that.” “Who did that?” Megan asked, breaking the bubble we were on. I then noticed everyone else that was on the table with us.

“What?” I asked, not quite sure what she was talking about. “Who almost got in the field?” “My mom.” “Oh…” “She seems cool.” Ash responded. “She is, when she is not mad. Despite that, she is awesome, my family is really supportive.” “Your brother plays soccer as well?” Alis asked. “No, he hates sports. But he loves to cheer for me, so he goes for all the games he can.” “Oh, this is so cute, I would love to meet him.” JJ awed with my answer. “He for sure will love to go to the mall with you and Chris, I can guarantee that he would be a better company then Tobs.” “Hey kid! You are just as bad as I am.” Tobin protested. “Ok you're right. But I’m telling the truth, he and my mom go on walks for hours.” “I’m certainly taking him out when we meet him.” Chris gave me a wink, letting me know that this was for sure happening some time soon.

“And who encouraged you to play soccer? Your mom or your dad?” Alyssa asked, wanting to know more about my family. I took a big breath and answered her. “Oh, it’s a little more complicated than that. But I can for sure tell you that it was not my father.” “Why is that? He doesn't like sports?”

I take a look at Tobin and Christen and them both nod their heads encouraging me to tell them. “No, it’s because… I don't have a father, at least not one that I care about.” “Sorry I didn’t want to put you through that.” Alyssa told me with a worried expression. “That’s fine, I'm ok with that now.” “So is it just you, your brother and your mom?” Ali asked. “Well, my moms.” “Excuse me?” Megan almost spilled all the water she was drinking with the new information. “My moms. Me, my brother and my two moms.” “Oh, that is awesome. I already liked you before, now I like you even more.” Megan cheered and high five me. “Because of my parents?” “Yeah, you were already cool, now that I know that you for sure support my community you got points with me. Tell me about them!” “They are awesome, I've only been with them for three years, but they changed my life when they adopted me.” Ops! Shouldn’t have said the last part. “Wait, you are adopted?” Ali asked. “Yep.”

“Who is adopted?” Emily asked while getting close to the table. “Y/n” Alyssa answered. “What? You never told us.” Mal and the other youngies were all surrounding us now. “That’s why you run away during lunch?” I looked around and by now the whole team was at the table listening to the conversation.

“So about that…” I look at Tobin and send her a ‘help me’ look, she quickly understands me and steps up. “Guys, less questions okay? If she hasn't told us about it yet it’s because she is not comfortable with it, so let’s give her time.”

Everyone nodded, but Megan was still interested in my family. “Fine, but I want to know more about your moms okay?” “That I can do, but I think you already know at least one of them.”

I took my phone and showed her a picture of my family. Her mouth drops and she passes the phone for Ash, who passes to Ali, who passes to Carli, who finally says something.

“Wait a minute, your mom is Shannon MacMillan?” “Yeah.”

Everybody's jaw drops, except for Christen and Tobin because they already knew, and the questions started again. I finally told them my story and Tobin was right, they were really supportive and of course asked a lot of questions, but I'm fine with it. They are my family now.

[extasiswings]

Get in, clowns.  We’re going to the circus.  On ao3.

Eddie’s palms are sweaty.

It’s warm outside, the sun beating down on the park bench where he’s sitting, but it’s the nerves that have his hands clammy as he turns his water bottle over between them.  

When Buck had walked in the house earlier, he’d taken one look at Eddie and rolled his eyes before shoving him back into his bedroom.

“You can’t wear that,” Buck said, rifling through Eddie’s dresser.  He emerged with Eddie’s tightest pair of jeans and shoved them at his chest before turning to the drawers with shirts.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Eddie asked, baffled as he looked down at himself and then, skeptically, at the jeans.

“You look like a dad.”  Buck’s voice went muffled for a moment before he made a noise of victory and pulled out a deep red, long-sleeved shirt that Eddie’s pretty sure is at least a size too small. 

“Kind of hard not to.  Since I am one and all.  That’s not exactly a secret.”

“Yeah, but you can look like a hot dad who is making an effort instead of a regular dad going to the grocery store or something.  You’ll thank me later.”  

After Eddie had changed and walked out of the bathroom, Buck’s face shifted—Eddie could have sworn his eyes darkened, that his voice was rougher as he pronounced Eddie much better.

So Eddie knows he looks good.

But his palms are still sweaty.  He uncaps the water bottle and takes a sip more to have something to do than because he needs it.  And then he starts drumming his fingers against his thigh, needing something to occupy them, some way to move.  

He’s tempted to pull out his phone, to reread the latest texts from Bobby or even the shameless teasing in the group text that Buck started with his sisters—and boy, was that a mistake, putting the three of them in touch, because Eddie never in a million years would have told them he was going on a date if he hadn’t done it by accident because Buck’s direct messages happened to be right below the group—

He’s still not sure he should be, is the thing.  Dating.  He still feels like he can’t quite breathe right when he thinks too hard about it.  Can still play that last dinner with Shannon over on loop, from her asking for a divorce to the implication that really being with him again would be so terrible she would have to run for the hills and leave their child behind.

He didn’t exactly have great self-esteem to begin with.

Eddie wipes his palms on his jeans—he’s in the middle of debating whether it’s bad parenting to make up an emergency involving your kid to get out of a date, when—

“Eddie!  Hi,” Ana greets, walking up the path.  

The anxiety in his chest twists tighter as he gets up from the bench and waves.

“Hey.  You, uh—you look really nice,” he says, because it’s true and also the easiest thing he can remember from the last time he did this.  

Ana smiles.  “So do you.”

There’s a pause that lingers a little too long and then they both start trying to speak at once, cutting off abruptly when they realize.  Eddie rubs self-consciously at the back of his neck.

“Should we walk?” Ana offers, nodding down the path where it leads into the trees.

“Sure, yeah,” Eddie agrees.  

It’s actually not...bad.  She asks him about work and that’s a safe enough topic that he’s comfortable spending a few minutes telling her stories from the station.  She shares a little about the challenges of virtual teaching.  And then she asks about Chris, and, well, that’s an easy subject—Eddie could talk about Chris all day.  

He just finishes the story about the actual building of Christopher’s skateboard—which involved no small amount of comical trial and error on the part of two decidedly not Chris-sized grown men—when Ana gets a thoughtful look on her face and glances sideways at him.

“Can I ask you something personal?”  She asks.

Eddie rocks back on his heels and hooks his thumbs in his pockets.  “Sure.”

“How long has it been for you?”

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up.  “Since...the last time I dated?”

Ana nods.

“Well…” He wets his lips to stall.  “The last person I dated was my wife.  And I’m not sure it was really dating in the same way after we were married so...I guess...eleven years give or take?”

He laughs and he can hear the edge of self-deprecation.  “That obvious I’m out of practice?”

“No,” Ana says.  “No, that wasn’t—it’s really not actually. Although it does explain some things.”

“Things?”

She bites her lip.  “Nothing bad,” she insists.  “Just—”

“Have you ever been on a date where the other person talked about their ex the whole time and it was kind of obvious they still had feelings for them and you couldn’t help wondering why they weren’t with the ex when they clearly wanted to be?”  She asks.

Eddie blinks, scrolling back through their conversation trying to think—he’s pretty sure he hasn’t mentioned Shannon except for the once.  And he’s not still—

“In high school, maybe?” He answers.  “But I’m not sure—”

“I was trying to figure out if you and Buck ever dated,” she clarifies, and Eddie stops in his tracks, his mind shorting out as he takes that in.

“I—what?”

They’re back at the parking lot anyway, and although they could take another loop around the park, Ana stops by the closest bench and smiles as she leans against it.

“Look, I like you, Eddie,” she says.  “And if I’m totally off base and you want to see me again, I will definitely pick up the phone.  But if I’m not?  I couldn’t not say something.”

“Buck’s my best friend,” Eddie replies.  His head is swimming but it surprisingly doesn’t feel bad.  More like he��s been handed the clue card for a puzzle he was trying to solve and while the pieces haven’t quite come together fully, they’re getting there.

“You talk about him like he’s your partner.  Like the three of you are a family.  And when you talk about him you look like…”  Ana shakes her head and laughs, but it’s not unkind.  Just soft and maybe a little longing.  “I would love for someone to look like that when they’re talking about me.  Thinking about me.  So, I thought you should know.  Just in case you didn’t.”

Another puzzle piece falls into place and Eddie sucks in a breath.

“I do like you,” he says.

“Yeah...but you’re in love with him.  Right?”  Eddie’s quiet and Ana nods.

“I’m gonna go,” she decides.  “This was nice, for the record.  Maybe we can do it again.  As friends next time.”

“Ana—” Eddie calls after her.  When she looks back over her shoulder though, he’s not sure what to say except, “...thank you.”

“Let me know how it works out?” She asks.  “I’m a little invested now.”

Eddie laughs and runs a hand through his hair.  “Yeah...sure.”  

He drives home in a daze, so much of the past two years—maybe even longer—suddenly thrown into new light.  Everything he’s been afraid of, everything that’s been holding him back—all of the baggage and insecurities that Shannon left behind, that have made him feel like he’s not good enough, like he can’t be a partner to anyone—

He never stopped and looked too hard at what he already had.  What he was already doing.

What he has.  What he is doing.   

With Buck.

In the stark glare of hindsight, it’s easy to see—he was still married when they met, was worn down and bruised and not looking for anything.  He needed a friend and Buck slipped in to fill that void and Eddie...put him in a box.  Put them in a box.  Carefully compartmentalizing every aspect of his life because it was easier that way, because it allowed him to sort through the tangled knots of expectation from any number of other sides, any number of other identities—husband, father, son.

There was no baggage attached to friend.  No forgive and forget and take your wife back because kids need their mothers or you’ll drag him down with you or I wasn’t enough.

There was just...Buck.  Present.  Supportive.  Caring about him.  Believing in him.   The real him—masks off, walls down, warts and all.   

The longer Eddie thinks, the clearer things become.  His mind flips through memories like a scrapbook—panic attacks and phone calls at two in the morning, nights on the couch playing video games with Christopher and the slower, lingering moments with just the two of them after they put him to bed, all those months sharing a bed in Buck’s apartment while he despaired over being away from his son and Buck reminded him he was a good dad—

How many of those nights had Eddie wanted to kiss him?  How many times had he felt that buzz under his skin, the whisper of it would be so easy, only to shove it down because it was too dangerous to deal with.  

And when he thinks now about the future, about having someone in his home, in his bed, in his life, when he pictures it, all he can see is Buck.

It feels right.

“I love him,” Eddie says out loud, tasting the words on his tongue, letting them linger.

I love him.

His pulse spikes with his anxiety, but it calms down as he sits with it.  Because he knows Buck’s not going to leave.  He trusts that.  Buck’s seen him at his worst and none of that has ever driven him away.  So maybe…

Eddie’s mind flicks back to earlier in the day, to the dark heat in Buck’s gaze as it dragged over him before he looked away.

...yeah.  They’ll be okay.

He’s home before he even really registers and takes a few slow breaths before he shuts off the truck and gets out.  When he steps through the door, it’s a strange feeling.  The space is familiar but not.  More...settled somehow.  Home.

Home.

Eddie closes the door behind him and follows the sound of running water to the kitchen.  He stops in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and spends a moment just watching Buck scrub potatoes in the sink until the other man glances up and notices him.

“Hey,” Buck greets.  “Chris is reading in his room, I’m just working on dinner.  How was the date?”

God, I love you, Eddie thinks, and nearly has to bite his tongue to keep it to himself.

Yeah.  It’s right.

He shrugs.  “It was fine.  Ana’s nice.”

“When’s the next date then?”  There’s an odd note in Buck’s voice that makes Eddie push off the frame and step closer. 

“There’s not going to be one,” he replies.  “Ana’s nice...but I don’t want to date her.”

Buck stops.  Shuts off the water and turns, leaning back against the sink.

“No?”  Buck’s brow furrows.  “It’s not—do you still feel like you’re not ready?”

“No, it’s not that,” Eddie replies.  “I do think I’m ready.  But with the right person.”

His heart is pounding in his chest, but it’s not fear.  More...anticipation.  

He swallows hard.

“Ana said something that made me realize that...I don’t want to start from scratch with some stranger.”

Eddie takes another step closer and Buck inhales sharply, emotions shifting across his face too quickly for Eddie to name them all.

“Eddie…”  Buck sounds hoarse, a little disbelieving.  He leans forward for a moment before shaking his head, clearing his throat.

“I can’t—I need you to be specific,” he says.  “Because I can’t make assumptions here, I can’t—”

Eddie kisses him.  Steps in far enough that Buck’s body presses flush against his, slides his hand around the back of Buck’s neck, and kisses him.  Buck makes a small noise and grips him right back, his hands curving around Eddie’s hips nearly tight enough to bruise in sharp contrast to the way Eddie’s mouth feathers against his, soft as anything.  

“Specific enough?”  Eddie breathes, staying close enough that their lips brush again.  Buck surges up and uses his grip on Eddie’s hips to turn them, pinning Eddie against the counter as he kisses him again in response.  Once, twice, three times, and Eddie shivers.  

He hasn’t been kissed in so long, hasn’t been touched with intention like this—he’d forgotten what it felt like.  His body floods with heat as Buck’s hands slip under his shirt, spreading wide over his rib cage, and he parts his lips eagerly for Buck’s tongue.

Down the hall, a door closes, and Buck jumps back, Eddie slumping against the counter to keep himself upright.  Buck is flushed and panting and Eddie’s pretty sure he can’t look much better, too warm and electric, wanting, wanting, wanting—

Both of them catch their breath and watch the door, but Christopher doesn’t appear.  After a minute Eddie catches the faint sound of a toilet flushing and he looks back at Buck.  

And he laughs.  It bubbles up from his chest like champagne fizz, bright and warm and right, and apparently it’s contagious because Buck starts up as well, stepping in again and sliding his arms around Eddie’s waist, ducking his head to laugh breathlessly against Eddie’s neck.

When they calm down, Buck stays close, his lips feathering over Eddie’s pulse.  Eddie hums and closes his eyes as he tips his head back to give Buck better access.  

“I’m in love with you,” he says.  “In case that wasn’t clear.”

Buck’s lips curve up against Eddie’s skin.

“Well that’s convenient,” he replies.  “Since Chris was asking me earlier why you couldn’t just date me if you were going to date again.”

Eddie’s startled into another laugh.  “Really?”

“Really.”

Eddie grins and opens his eyes again.  “Hey Buck?”

“Yeah?”

“Go out with me?”

Buck snorts and pushes him out of the way so he can go back to the potatoes.  

“Help me finish getting dinner together and we’ll see.”  But the second Eddie turns away, Buck snags him by a belt loop and reels him back in for another kiss.

“Yes,” Buck says.  “Yes.”

And it’s right.           

[madamewriterofwrongs]

my sweet darling - how about an armed forces 911 AU? Maybe Eddie meets Navy Seal Buckley overseas? Maybe they meet back stateside at the VA?

You, my darling, always send me such fun and interesting prompts. I promise I didn’t forget. 

Ooh, okay. Let’s see...

Prompt Me with AUs

Delta X-Ray (I am Sinking) 

Read on Ao3

Eddie first sees him as he’s getting off the plane in Washington. He’s going to receive a medal. Apparently his work in Bagram made him a hero and not a broken, shell of a man. Who knew. And really, it’s just a glance because he has other things to worry about besides a Navy man getting dressed down by his captain. He doesn’t need to hear what’s being said to know that’s exactly what’s happening. He’s seen that look too many times, felt the hot breath of his superior as they spat harsh words meant to ‘toughen him up’.

As he passes the sailor, he hears something to the effect of “if it happens again, you will be dismissed.” And Eddie wonders how many times this particular man has received this exact lecture. It doesn’t really matter, anyways. He just wants to get his medal, shake a few hands of politicians who think they had anything to do with his ‘accomplishment’ and go home to his wife and child – ex-wife, he reminds himself. Shannon had the papers shipped to Afghanistan. Couldn’t get away fast enough, his mind bitterly supplied. All he would have at the end of the day was his son, and a medal to replace the wedding band he’d worn since he was 19.

Before he knows it, he’s standing on a small stage, a million lights flashing in his eyes as cameras and stage lights practically blind him. His shoulder aches – out of the sling for the afternoon so he can at least look more put together than he feels – and he’s dizzy from the attention. That’s his excuse for why he doesn’t recognize the man standing beside him.

“Seaman Petty Officer First Class Evan Buckley.” A blond man steps forward and Eddie catches himself staring at the dress whites and stone expression for longer than is strictly necessary. He seems a far cry from the officer being scolded less than an hour ago, but it is definitely him. And he was standing on stage beside Eddie, about to receive a medal of his own.

“For distinguishing oneself by heroism not involving actual conflict with an enemy of the United States, Petty Officer Buckley is awarded the Navy and Marine Corps Medal.”

As he watches the stripes being pined on the officer’s lapel, he lets himself wonder what crime the man could have committed to be dressed down and rewarded in the same afternoon.

He’s so curious, in fact, that he nearly misses his own name amongst the titles thrown around.

“Staff Sergeant Edmundo Diaz.” He steps forward, holding his breath until the entire ordeal is finally finished. “For gallantry in action against an enemy of the United States, Staff Sergeant Diaz is awarded the Silver Star.” The medal is heavier than he anticipated, but he supposes that makes sense. It is quite a burden he’ll be carrying around, and now he has a gold star to go with it – he wants to chuckle at the irony of his ‘Silver Star’ actually presenting as a golden one.

It seems everything about his life is a life.

There were a lot of reasons Eddie hated attending events like this: The politics, the bravado, the crowds of people ��thanking him for his service’. Mostly, though: he never knows anyone. Sure, he can charm a senator or two for a few minutes, swap stories with other officers from other divisions about where they were and what they saw. But those are fleeting relationships, meant to get him through the day. He’ll go back to his hotel room at the end of the night with no more friends than when he’d stepped off the plane in this awful, awful town. Eddie is tired of ‘schmoozing’. With any luck, today will be the last time he has to tell the governor’s wife how lovely she looks in her dress.

That’s when he spots the man sitting at the edge of the bar like he’s trying to hide from the world, and he decides to make his way over.

“Do you mind if I join you?” He asks, even as he sits down.

The other man’s eyes light with recognition – and damn, are they as blue as the sea. “Not at all. Diaz, right?”

“Eddie.” He supplies, raising a finger to the bartender to snag his attention. If he is going to make it to the end of the evening, he’s going to need one, good drink. “And you’re Buckley.”

“Actually, it’s Evan but you can call me ‘Buck’.” His amusement must be evident because his new drinking buddy supplies the answer. “There are a surprising amount of ‘Evan’s in the Navy.”

It had never occurred to him to check how many ‘Eddie’s were in his squadron. Maybe he should ask his CO if that’s why he always called him by his full first name.

“Congratulations, by the way.” Buck looks somewhat nervous even as the words leave his mouth. “On your medal. Good job.”

“Oh.” Is all Eddie can bring himself to say as he stares into the bottom of his glass. “Thanks.”

“You don’t look too happy about it.”

He really isn’t doing a good job of hiding his emotions if this relative stranger ca read him so easily. “No, I-” he takes a deep breath to recalibrate his thoughts and paste his best fake smile. “It is a great honour.”

“Bullshit.” Buck laughs in his face but for some reason, Eddie doesn’t bristle nearly as hard as he expected. It almost feels playful. The rest of Buck’s response is cut off by his buzzing phone on the counter. The man quickly grabs it long enough to check his notifications, returning it to its place at the bar with a disappointed look.

“Are we keeping you from something?”

“Uh, no.” It’s Buck’s turn to look caught out and in need of recalibration. His expression changes much slower. “I’m just waiting for a call from my sister. I sent her an invitation to this thing but she never responded.”

Eddie has experience with family not coming to big social events like this one. Of course, in his case, he never invited them in the first place.

“Family ain’t easy.” He shrugs as he takes a long sip of whatever burning liquid he’d ordered – it really doesn’t matter so long as he can stay sitting here and not mingling with the crowds of vultures.

“It’s more than that.” Buck looks worried, and the way he bites his lip is… Eddie shouldn’t be focusing on that. “It’s just…” The man shakes his head, dismissing whatever feelings were eating at his gut. “I don’t want to bore you.”

“Please.” Eddie leans into his space with a playful smile. “It can’t be any more boring than this event. Please try to bore me to tears, if you dare.”

When Buck smiles, Eddie’s heart flutters out of his chest and sits beside him as they listen to Buck begin to speak. He tells Eddie about his sister, how she cared for him growing up, how she went away with her asshole of a boyfriend – now her deceased asshole of a husband – leaving him to fend for himself. He talks about travelling the country, trying every odd job he could get his hands on, until a buddy of his suggested he join the Navy. And he loves the work, he really does, but he hasn’t seen his sister in over a year. Their last conversation ended in a fight about some family secret that Buck is reluctant to talk about. Even Eddie can tell that the man just misses his sister. No matter what the argument was about.

Eddie finds himself talking – in less detail – about Shannon and the divorce and his son at home. At Buck’s prompting, he shows off his favourite photos of Christopher (avoiding the one burning a whole in his shirt pocket, torn and bloody, which never leaves him). The man’s face positively lights up when he sees the kid, offering an appropriate amount of sympathy for his divorce without pushing him for more emotions.

It’s easy talking to Buck, he realizes after a few hours. Because suddenly, the venue rental is nearly up and he’s still sitting at the corner of the bar, talking to Buck. Sure, a few people have passed by and shaken their hands, thanking them for their service – Eddie cringes every time and Buck has to hide his laughter once he realizes – but for the most part, it’s just the two of them, sitting and talking.

“The flag signalling we use now was established in 1855.” Buck explains as he leans further into Eddie’s space. “And while Robert Morse invented Morse Code in the 1830s, the International Morse Code that we use didn’t come out until the 1850s.”

“How do you know all of that?” Eddie was fairly certain he hadn’t had to study the history of communication when he was in training. But he’d also been very focused on his medical textbook.

Buck was incredibly cute when he blushed, Eddie decides – though he opts to keep that opinion to himself for now. “I get bored and I read.” The man shrugs nonchalantly, as though he hasn’t been entertaining Eddie with stories of Naval history and his own dumb-ass mistakes all evening. Honestly, Eddie wants to sit here all night and listen to Buck tell him stories of the world. It seems like he’s lived a lifetime already. And what has Eddie done? Gotten a girl pregnant, joined the army, gotten shot, and now he doesn’t even have a wife to go home to.

“Can I ask you something?” Eddie realizes too late that Buck looks nervous. He thinks he probably wouldn’t have said yes if he’d noticed. “How did you get your medal?”

Now he knows he doesn’t have to answer – and his initial instinct is to close out his tab and see if he can run to El Paso on his still-injured leg. But he also realizes that he hasn’t told anyone since it happened. Not the full story. Even now, he might not have the words. But he tries.

“Our helicopter got shot down while transporting wounded. I could still move so I got everyone out. Or I tried to get them out.” The echo of gunfire is not as distant as the others told him it would be. He can still smell it. “Support finally arrived and they decided to give me a medal for holding down the fort.”

Buck places a gentle hand over his and Eddie gasps, reminded that it has been a very long time since anyone has touched him. God, how he misses it.

“You saved wounded soldiers in the middle of the desert while being fired on. And you think you were just doing your job?”

“I’m an army medic.” He reasons with the bottom of his glass. “It’s my job to save people.”

“Maybe. But I don’t think that’s why you do it.” Without elaborating, Buck smiles at him and Eddie forgets the question.

“What about you?” He asks instead. “What’s yours for?”

Unlike the enthusiastic, bubbly personality he’s been talking to for the last few hours, Buck melts into the face he saw up on that stage. The stoic, professional.

“We were on our way back from an escort mission when we encountered some rough seas. I happened to be on deck with the chief mate when he had a stroke. I tried to tend to him but the storm was getting worse and no one could find the captain, so I just took over navigation. It was rough, I had no idea what I was doing, but we all made it out safely and the chief mate was okay.” As Buck shrugs, memories of an overheard conversation come flooding back to Eddie’s mind.

“Wait, were you on the USS Angelo?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Eddie can’t believe it. He has to laugh. “You were the cadet who sailed out of Hurricane Ida?”

“I am a petty officer first class, I’ll have you know.”

“Buck, you navigated a 2,000 ton ship out of a hurricane and all they gave you was a lousy medal?”

“I should get that printed on a t-shirt, or something.”

“That was incredibly reckless but also incredibly brave. Buck, you’re a hero.”

“I was just doing my job.” The smirk tells Eddie he knows exactly what he’s doing but it still hits him that he’s throwing Eddie’s words back in his face. Cute and cheeky.

He doesn’t know why he asks – well, he does, but it’s incredibly stupid and impulsive, and he definitely can’t blame it on the alcohol but he sure would like to.

“How long are you in town?”

Buck looks pleasantly surprised by his question but answers with regret in his eyes. “I head out with the Fifth Fleet in the morning.”

Wow. “You just got a medal, and you’re headed out to earn another one?”

“Something like that.” Buck laughs and Eddie wishes he was braver than he felt. “But I won’t be gone forever. And I’m really good at telegraphy if you wanted to send anyone a message.”

He’s so grateful that Buck has the good sense to be everything he needs right now. Because asking the next question is easier with someone standing next to him. “I suppose I’ll need a way to get in touch with you, then.”

Buck winks and Eddie has never been gladder that the concept of ‘standing’ was only metaphorical. The man should not be so irresistible after only a few hours, but Eddie can’t help but watch him push off his barstool and walk around the side of the bar.

“Hey, Diaz!” The spell is broken long enough for him to look across the room at where his name is being called. He waves at old friends – well, Senior Airman Han and Space Force First Sergeant Wilson are the closest things he has to old friends but in actuality, he’s not sure he knows their first names. “We’re going to the afterparty, want to join?”

On a normal night, Eddie would decline on the basis that he doesn’t want to go, and would rather lay in bed and watch reruns of ‘Murder She Wrote’. Tonight, Eddie wants to decline on the basis that he doesn’t want to go, and would rather stay up all night talking to someone who makes me feel curious about the future.

“Not tonight.” He shouts back across the room. “I’ll catch you at the next ceremony.”

They wave him off because they know it’s the same excuse he makes every single time but the only thing that matters is getting back to Buck.

“So.” He turns to the bar only to find it empty. The seat beside him is also unoccupied, as is any of the space surrounding him.

Had he dreamed up Buck? Had he been imagining this person who made him feel like divorce wasn’t his last chance at happiness? Was he truly so desperate and lonely?

“Hey.” Eddie looks up with too much hope in his eyes to only come face-to-face with the bartender. “He left this for you.” The man – who is not Buck, no matter how much Eddie hopes to see those eyes again – slides a napkin across the counter and walks away before Eddie can ask anymore questions.

He picks up the napkin and reads the blue ink-stained note written in messy scrawl.

Kilo

--... .---- --... ..... ..... ..... -.... --... ----. .----

The dots and dashes he recognizes as a series of numbers – a phone number, he hopes – but the word above? He tries to recall his academy days.

Kilo. Short for Kilogram. Used in the International Code of Symbols to represent the letter ‘K’. In Maritime Signal Flags, it indicates: I wish to communicate with you.

He’s pretty sure the bartender hates him for how late he stayed and how loudly he laughed at Buck’s note, but he can’t bring himself to care. Instead, he spends his energy memorizing the napkin’s contents long after he’s input the number. It’s more than just a piece of paper: it’s hope.

[yougurtella]

hot take (or tea) of the day from me:

Both apple and raven want what they want and would do mostly anything to get it (mostly apple, but i’ll explain raven later).

Apple White is ambitious, maybe not always, but definitely with the things she wants. She wants people to be safe, yes, but she also wants to be safe as well. Of course, Apple wants everyone to be safe, that’s why she is destined to be a great Queen for her future kingdom. But do you know why she’s so stuck on her destiny?

If you read The Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale, we discover that when Apple was young, she fell into a well, and was stuck there for a long time (not super long, probably a few hours, I’m writing this from memory). That scarred her, and as a result, convinced her to think that her destiny is the only thing that can keep her safe (we also know that she was groomed to be a prim and proper destiny-following-princess since she was born, so all her life she’s been convinced her destiny is the only way to live). Same with following the rules. If you follow the rules, you’re bound to stay out of trouble and safe and sound, right? And as we’ve seen, Apple will do anything to stay safe. She was instructed to pretty much manipulate Raven into following her destiny, and even tried to follow through with it (she also joined Raven on her journey to find clues about the sisters that disappeared after legacy day when refusing to follow their destinies. all throughout that journey, Apple is also trying to convince Raven her story is the one she needs to follow). She is constantly questioning Raven, trying to find a fault in her thinking (these are the only examples i can think of right now, but if you have any more, feel free to mention some). And we get to Dragon Games. Apple meets the Evil Queen, who manipulates Apple into breaking her out of the mirror (you can find a clip of it on youtube, or netflix):

Evil Queen: “Oh I’m sorry, I thought maybe you were like your mother. When her time came, your mother embraced her fairytale destiny. She did whatever it took.”

Apple: “I am not afraid. I will do whatever it takes. And I am like my mother, and my destiny is mine!”

Just noting how she reacted to what the evil queen said. she could have brushed it off, or have said, “i may be like my mother, but i don’t want you to be an option to help me achieve my destiny”. but Apple reacted so...so angrily. She just burst into aggression and threw the Apple at the mirror.

We also see that Snow White tries manipulating Apple into forcing others to follow her destiny. (“Perhaps there is some way you could nudge Raven towards evil?...remember, she’s still her mother’s daughter!”) I have a feeling Snow’s been doing this ever since Apple could comprehend words. Apple definitely seems like she would’ve been that annoying kid on the playground that would’ve been like “You need to follow your destiny or else I’m telling the teacher!”

Anyways, Apple has definitely had some hard times, (which don’t justify her actions, but could have led her to realize that she needs to change. not just for the heck of it, but to become a better person; to become a better queen. also jesus, if EAH wasn’t cancelled she would’ve had an amazing character arc i just know it—) but anyway. She’s had some traumatic moments in her past, and we’ve only seen a glimpse of how Snow White raised her, there’s definitely some stiff linings in that relationship. It seems more like a business relationship than a loving Mother-Daughter one.

Which leads me to Raven Queen. If you read the books, you’ll also know that throughout Raven’s life, she’s always questioned destiny, and instead has used the word “choice” in her vocabulary. Her mother has seemed to be absent most of the time, whether because she was in “evil meetings”, doing Queen duty, or being trapped in her mirror. I don’t think that has impacted Raven’s opinion on destiny, the only way it’s impacted her it’s probably the absence of love from a mother. Raven doesn’t like her destiny because she knows she has it in her that she couldn’t go through with evil-doing. We know that too (especially in WTW, when Apple tells her “This isn’t you, you’re about choosing your destiny, and breaking binds and whatever” and Raven goes back to normal).

Anyways, back to Raven possibly being a Slytherin.

She’s also demonstrated that she’s ambitious, I mean, she entered a talent show wanting to perform a (quote on quote from Headmaster Grimm) “non-evil” song, and stuck with it until Sparrow got to her. She’s always letting people know they have a choice (maybe sometimes a little forcefully, but it’s not as bad as Apple). She even went on a journey (in the Storybook of Legends by Shannon Hale), sneaking out of the school, breaking multiple rules, to prove that you don’t “poof” when you refuse to follow your prewritten story. She’s quick to correct people on the fact that she won’t be following her destiny; but Legacy Day is a bigger example of her ambition. She knew about the legends and rumors of your demise when refusing to follow in the footsteps of your parents, yet took that chance anyways, putting many peoples lives into harms way (granted, it never happened, but they didn’t know whether they’d poof or not). That’s hardcore though. Imagine making a choice about your life, that could have people’s lives be ruined, or worse, dispelled (haha get it? dis-spelled?), and you take the route of putting people in harm’s or deaths way. Thats incredibly selfish, but also quite heroic. (there’s so many discussions to be held about the ethics of EAH, i’m so mad the fandom isn’t bigger because we could have so many videos and essays about this wonderful story) Raven took a stand, feeling ambitious enough to say “No” to a predetermined life. Round of applause for her.

I’ve realized that i’ve probably written more about Apple (because she is one of my favorites), and I didn’t have a lot of evidence for Raven, just feelings and opinions. But anyway, this was mostly for fun and to procrastinate on schoolwork lmao.

Keep in mind this was just a fun silly thing to do, to start a friendly and respectful discussion. I don’t want any people saying how Apple is a horrible person and how she’d be say “all lives matter” and be a white supremacist. She wouldn’t. Her destiny is to be there for others, and to be the kindest and fairest in the land.

So maybe Raven would be a Gryffindor instead. Apple could easily be a Gryffindor as well, heck, I see both Raven and Apple being in any of the houses in Hogwarts (it would make sense for Raven to be a RAVENclaw hahahah—ok ill stop). They both have demonstrated key traits for each houses.

So what do you guys think? Would Raven and Apple be Slytherins? Do you have a different house you think they’d suit more?

I honestly think that if EAH and Hogwarts had a crossover, Apple would definitely convince Headmaster Grimm and the Sorting Hat to place Raven in the same house as her (because you know, she wants Raven to follow her destiny). I also think it’d be a funny bit.

[hexensalbei]

when i’m at home

“... And she just came by the station and brought us coffee!”, Eddie grimaces, trying not to grit his teeth.

“Isn't it a nice gesture?”, Adriana asks; there's hint of amusement in her voice and she's not even trying to hide it. It's late evening; her kids are already in bed and so is Christopher which allows her to talk with her brother for a while. It's kinda their tradition—every few days they call each other—mostly via Skype—to catch up and check if everything's alright. She really enjoys it; the Diaz siblings has always been pretty close no matter how far away they have lived.

“It is. It's just... Why was she even at the station? I thought there's nothing between them. Not after that disaster of a date”, Eddie sighs. Seeing Buck chatting and laughing with Taylor Kelly at the end of their shift really put him in a bad mood. He still doesn't trust her especially around his best friend. He just knows that redhead reporter isn't the right person for Buck. Who repeatedly said he wants a serious relationship, not just a meaningless hookup.

And yet, he's still seeing her. It bothers Eddie so much he spilled out about it when Adriana asked what's up. He thought that it might help him calm down but he feels like he's just more angry than he has been earlier.

“Maybe they're just friends.”, Adriana suggests after a few moments of silence between them. She eyes him suspiciously. “Isn't it what Buck said anyway? That they're better off being friends?”

“Then why was she flirting with him for the whole she was there? Why did she bring him his favourite coffee?”. It's very clear that Eddie's annoyed that his sister isn't throwing insults at Buckley's not-so-new female friend.

“You flirt with him all the time and nobody says anything.”

Eddie freezes.

After what it feels like hours, he looks up at his sister. She has that odd, annoying smug on her face like she knows she's absolutely right and he has sudden urge to wipe it off. She just waits patiently for him to catch up what she said.

“I... What now?”

“You flirt with him all the time. And everyone is fine with it.”, she repeats very loud and clear.

“I don't”, Eddie scoffs. Has she gone mad and he hasn't noticed? He doesn't flirt with Buck, they're just best friends. They joke and bicker quite often but that's it. There's only friendly, platonic banter.

“Have you ever considered you might be in love with Buck?”, Adriana asks. Her question is serious even though Eddie sees the mischief in her eyes.

“Don't you think I would've noticed that I'm in love with my best friend?”, he answers with another question.

He really believes in that. He's been in love once in his life and it was Shannon. And he was definitely aware of his feelings. He still remembers first nervous glances, shy smiles and stuttering. He remembers first touches and kisses and how he had felt butterflies in his stomach. He also recalls their arguments, make-up sex and tears when they'd been hurting each other. Even when Shannon had re-appeared in his life, he was fully aware he still loved her. So if he did love Evan, he'd know. He thinks. He's so lost in thoughts, he doesn't hear his sister's rambling.

“Edmundo!”, she practically yells at him to bring back his attention. It seems to be working so she decides to share her honest opinion. “Eddie, we've been talking for almost an hour now, you had a date with Ana—like yesterday—and you didn't say a word about it. We're only talking about Buck. You're so pissed off because you saw him again with the girl he'd hooked up with in the past. And for me it's pretty telling. You're jealous.”

There's a silence on Eddie's side of the screen. In fact, he's utterly speechless. Adriana's words are ringing in his ears like a fucking bell. Jealous. Is is really jealousy what's been eating him since his friend had reconnected with Taylor?

“Look”, his sister bites her lip as if she's not sure if she should go on. Eventually, she does. “I'm not laughing or mocking you. I love you and I want everything what's best for you. I know you've had a rough couple of years dealing with all that shit with our parents, Shannon dying, tsunami and pandemic and yet, I've never seen you happier. You literally light up when you talk about Chris and Buck. You mention him all the time. You've never trusted Shannon the way you trust Buck with Chris and she was his mother. You two practically live together—last time we talked he was tucking Chris in after he spend the whole afternoon cooking dinner and watching movies with you two. It's something I do with my husband, not with my friends even if I love them. I've only seen glimpses of your life and I'm pretty sure you two love each other.”

Eddie listens. He pays attention to every word that coming out from Addie's mouth. It's hard to admit it but she's right. Buck has stopped being only a guest in his house a long time ago. Lately he's here almost all the time—either babysitting Chris while Eddie's on a date with Ana or just hanging out with the two of them because he doesn't feel comfortable in his own apartment. The thing is, Eddie likes having him around. He enjoys lazy mornings that smell like Buck's famous pancakes and coffee made by Hildy (Buck still teases him about it); he's also very fond of all evenings filled with laughter when they accidentally fall asleep on the couch and wake up in the middle of the night tangled up together. Being this close has never been awkward to them. At this point—Eddie realises—it's more awkward when there's an actual space between them. And, of course, he notices how attractive his friend is. He must've been blind not to see it. It's not like he's the only one who knows that Buck's eyes look like the cloudless sky in the middle of the summer when he's happy and get so dark they look like an stormy ocean, right?

He freezes again for a moment.

“Addie, I'm a little too old to have a sexuality crisis, don't you think?”, he asks but Adriana only laughs. He's not even offended by it because it's kinda hilarious. He would've laughed if somebody told him that he's gonna question his sexuality because of something his sister had said. “What if... What about our family? Parents?”

“You mean if you two get together?” Eddie nods. “I don't think you need to worry about it”, Adriana smiles brightly. “Our mom's wondering—and I quote—when will Edmundo bring back to El Paso that charming friend of his?”

“And so are we!”, Sophia chimes in, appearing suddenly behind Adriana.

“Dios Mío, have you been here the whole time?” Eddie groans when he sees both of his sisters grinning. He's royally fucked now. He knows them well and he's sure they won't forget about anything he has said tonight and will tease him mercilessly. There's a reason why Buck instantly hit it off when he met Diaz sisters. Sophia only nods and winks at him before she disappears again.

“Aunt Pepa loves him and don't even get me started with Abuela. Buck's her favourite grandchild, she gave him half of her secret recipes and he's not even officially Diaz yet!”, Adriana exclaims, pretending to be offended. Then, she adds. “And you certainly don't have to worry about Christopher. The kid loves Buck more than anyone. I'm not even sure if you're still his favourite adult.”

Eddie glares at her but there's a smile on his lips. He's not even slightly surprised that his son adores Buck so much. Honestly, Evan Buckley is his favourite adult too.

—☾—

Adriana's words are still stuck in his head days later when he's at home after another long, exhausting shift. Christopher is already here, doing his homework and Buck—Buck is here too. They're in the kitchen, preparing dinner together. Or it's rather Buck cooking and Eddie trying to steal food.

“Hey, quit snacking and cut the vegetables”, Buck orders and Eddie can't help but smile.

“I love you”, he blurts out. He didn't even think about it, it just escaped from his mouth.

It's Buck's turn to freeze.

Eddie looks at him and realises what he said. He's not panicking; he just feels happy, perfectly comfortable. At peace.

“I love you”, he says it again and suddenly he's in Buck's space. He just leans in and kisses him. Buck's definitely surprised but he only needs a moment to catch up what's going on. He responds very eagerly and kisses him back.

Eddie thinks it's a wonderful feeling. Now he knows that sometimes love doesn't hit like a wave, rapidly and intensively. Sometimes it just sneaks up quietly and patiently, like a river, taking piece by piece. He doesn't mind it.

“You're still cutting vegetables”, Buck says when they break apart. His eyes are full of joy and he's grinning—and Eddie wants to see him like this everyday. “And for the record, I love you too, Diaz.”

Eddie sends Adriana you were right hours later when he's already in bed, Buck curled up next to him. She responds almost immediately I know and he just smiles again.

—☾—

Link to ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30453828

(Title stolen shamelessly from band called The Maine, I highly recommend listen to that song, it fits Buddie so much ✨

[marveloussupernerd]

Miss Trustfund Kid - Zen x Han!MC

Chapter 2 - Dinner Nerves

Reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Masterlist | Previous | Next

Synopsis: The younger sister of Jumin Han. An actor and model who thought he wanted nothing to do with the family. But you’re... different. And he could actually picture a life with you? If he wasn’t such an asshole

You were pacing the conference room nonstop. A negotiation dinner? Just sitting down with Zen to sign the papers made you want to throw up. You weren’t good at this

But what were you going to do? Jaehee had made reservations for the nice restaurant nearby, you were all dressed, you had sent Zen the information...

Jumin knocked on the door to the room, making you jump visibly. “Did I scare you?” He asked, closing the door quietly behind him.

You buried your face in your hands. “I messed it up, Jumin. He didn’t sign. He wants to talk more about it tonight.”

Jumin sighed, leaning against the conference table. “He’s always difficult. I didn’t think he’d be so bad for you, though. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve never done a negotiation dinner. This is so out of my league.”

He glanced over at you, eyes scanning your features. “You’re really stressed, huh?”

You pouted. “I just don’t like feeling like I’ve let you and dad down.”

He sighed, pushing himself off the table and wrapping you into a hug. “You’re not letting us down. You want me to go instead? I’ll whip him into shape.”

“I wanna go... I really do. But I’m just incompetent. And I messed it up already. I think I’d be better staying back and doing other work.” You felt dejected, but you had messed this up enough already. You didn’t want to risk the deal falling through because of you.

“Okay. Don’t worry about it.” He looked down at you. “You did great. Don’t feel bad.”

“I’m sorry...” you apologized again. Jumin just gave you a soft smile and excused himself, having to get ready for his dinner.

You settled down and got back to work, trying to avoid thinking about the situation. Hours passed, you absolutely refusing to look at your phone and trying to absorb yourself into your work to forget about the whole situation.

A knock sounded on the door, much later. The office that had once been lit up by the blue sky, now was illuminated only by the moon and the flourescent ceiling lights. You glanced at your phone: 9:17. Then at the door. You were surprised to see the model back, waiting for your beckoning to come in.

You stood up to meet him by the door. “Hi, come on in. I’m sorry I skipped out on our dinner; to be honest, I’m not fully confident in the negotiation sort of thing.” You flashed him an apologetic smile.

He chuckled. “I’m sorry for making you panic. I thought I was being upfront, but sometimes I just can’t get my point acros. I was actually just trying to ask you to dinner.” He pulled a bag of food from behind his back, holding it out in front of him. “Have you eaten yet?”

Oh. You were an idiot. You felt heat rushing to your face: you were pretty bad at picking up on those sorts of signs, huh? “I’m so sorry!” You buried your face in your hands. “I’m so stupid. Yes. I’d love to have dinner with you.”

“Good.” He strolled over to the table, taking a seat next to the one you had been working at, laying out the burgers and French fries he had gotten. “It’s nothing like the place we were supposed to go to, but still.”

“You went there anyways!” You giggled, happily taking some of the fries.

“Yeah, but I got out of there as quickly as possible when I saw who I had to meet with. You sent Jumin after me? Really? I’m hurt.” He held his chest in fake pain.

You shrugged unapologetically. “Well, he’s the one who signed me up to do this, so it was his job to clean up my supposed mess.”

“I thought you were ghosting me.”

“No! I’m just really bad at picking up signals. My relationship and flirting life has been very dry,” you explained, looking down at your food, embarrassed to admit it.

“Really? But you seem so fun to be around.”

You shook your head. “People take one look at me and run for the hills. I can’t say I blame them though. Everyone thinks I’m stiff and intimidating and snobby.”

“You genuinely look like none of the above. You seem like a nice, beautiful, down to earth person.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet,” you grinned, unable to hide the smile on your face.

The room fell into a comfortable silence for a minute, the two of you focusing on your food. You decided to break it and get to know him better. “So, do you have any siblings?” Obviously you had one, that went without saying, but you wondered if he was an only child or if he had to share the spotlight too. You could see either case.

“I have an older brother, yeah, but I’m not really on good terms with my family...”

“That sucks. I’m sorry about that. Could I ask why?”

You were afraid of him shutting you down, but he just looked at you and smiled. “Well, they’re really well educated and they didn’t really support my dreams to be an actor, so...”

“Oh. My family’s chaotic and all but they’ve always supported my career goals, so that’s nice. I’m sorry your situation is so different.”

You finished up your food, throwing the empty containers into the bag and throwing it away.

“Thank you for bringing me food. Sorry I’m embarrassingly bad on picking up your cues earlier. It was really sweet of you to come see me,” you told him. Nobody had ever gone out of their way for you. They just wanted you for the status or the money — well, it was quite possible he was the same, but he didn’t feel like it. You hoped you were right.

“Of course.” He stood up from his spot. “Uh, now I’m always a gentleman, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m super attracted to you and I would love to give you a kiss good night.” His ears were tinted red at his own statement, but his eyes met yours, no fear or hesitation in them.

You giggled. He was just so cute and chivalrous? This was probably a bad decision. “Of course you can.”

He cupped your cheek, leaning in close. He smelled like peppermint. His nose brushed against yours, taking his time to place his lips on yours.

“Miss Han, I hate to interrupt, but you have a call on line one,” Jaehee stated, standing awkwardly in the doorway and rubbing her arm.

You jumped back from Zen. “Oh! Thank you!” Flustered, you went over to the desk and picked up the phone, sending an apologetic glance over to Zen.

“Hello,” you started the call, grabbing your notebook and planner just in case you needed it, “this is Y/N Han.”

“Hi! Sorry for the late call. This is James Amei from NovaTech. I was looking over our contract and found something we wanted to talk over.”

“Oh! It’s no problem. I’m working late as always anyways. We’ll get you in here as soon as possible to discuss...” you glanced up at Zen, who was still standing where you left him, a look on his face that you couldn’t quite read. “Uh, how’s Tuesday at 2:30?”

A pause. “That’s great. Thank you so much.”

“No problem!” You flipped through your book. “Have a great rest of your night, and tell Shannon I said hi!”

He bid you good night then hung up. You looked back over to Zen. “Sorry about that. The work never ends.”

He was still blank faced, staring at you. You looked down at your hands, trying to figure out what the issue was.

“Oh! I write down details about all the people I correspond with in my journal. It’s nice to recall little things about them, like his wife or whatever.”

Nope. That wasn’t it.

“Are you okay? Do you need a water?”

He blinked hard, then shook his head. “I’m... your his sister?”

“Huh?”

Oh. Jumin’s. You nodded your head. “I honestly thought you knew.”

He shook his head violently. “I didn’t know. I- God. I hate his guts. How can you two seem so different?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “Well we have different moms. And we were raised different. He was raised as the heir to the company. I was just raised as... me.”

“You’re Miss Trustfund Kid?”

Uh. So maybe he wasn’t as amused by this as you thought he may be.

“...an argument could be made for that, yes. I didn’t realize you didn’t know, and I didn’t realize it was such a big deal.”

You were almost... offended? That the second he found out who you were his whole attitude took a shift. It sucked. This is how it always was though.

He ran a hand through his hair, his face looking far more tired than it did a few minutes ago. “I’m sorry. I’m being rude. I just- you’re his sister!?”

“Yup.”

“Like you two... played together as kids!?”

“Jumin didn’t really like children’s toys all that much.”

Zen frowned. “Of course he didn’t. But still. You grew up together?”

“Yes. He’s a few years older though.”

“You grew up with V?”

“Of course.”

Zen took a seat. “I just... wow. Wow.”

“You look like someone told you you have a week to live.”

He glanced at you, then pouted. “I’m just surprised.”

You quirked an eyebrow. “What? You don’t like me now? What’s so different, I have money?” You grinned. “I’m a college student getting my PhD, so I’m definitely no Jumin.”

“I just assumed you were going to be in the family business.”

You grinned, shaking your head. You were proud of paving your own path. “Nah. I’m in law and I want to be a professor.”

“You’re so badass.”

“You so hate that you like me.”

He stood from his chair, leaning forward to lock his lips with yours. It wasn’t the chivalrous, gentle sort of kiss that you were expecting a few moments ago, but it was just as good, maybe even better? He was a fury of emotions and passion and he was handsome and witty and amazing. Even if this was a bad idea, it was a great one.

Until a voice broke you out of your spell.

“What in God’s name are you doing to my sister?”

Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @imatalossforwords lmk if you want to be added :)

[shes-an-oddbird]

A Very long list of Season 5 Predictions/Wish List

I tried to hit as many of the characters as possible so this is really really long

The trickiest thing about this show seems to be the ever growing cast creating several stories at once and the fact that it’s a show about first responders so even characters that don’t seem like they would follow that career choice end up there and those that don’t sometimes feel out of place.

This is not to say that I don’t LOVE AND ADORE FIREFIGHTER ALBERT HAN! (but really kind of thought it came out of nowhere and yet I’m not surprised because what else were they going to do with him?)

It seems unlikely they’d assign Albert to the 118 unless Bobby requests him like he did with Eddie, but I think Bobby might have some hesitations about that. They’re already as close as family and sometimes make dangerous decisions because of it. He might feel its better for Albert to be with a different fire house or maybe Chimney would.

But he’s a regular so putting him with the 118 would be the best way to give him screen time

I personally think he’ll be assigned to the 133 since we’ve seen a bit of them this season. I’d love if there was a fun rivalry between the two firehouses (whichever one Albert ends up at.) I’ve said it before that the 118 is probably notorious at this point for the weird situations they get into. The teasing and the taunting would just be so much fun to watch. Albert talking to Chim or Buck and just being like, so the guys told me about this time…

Actually can we take a moment to appreciate that the 118 got ANOTHER firetruck destroyed and this one wasn’t even theirs. The 133 spends FIVE MINUTES with Buck and Eddie and their truck is in shambles.

On a more serious note, we might meet Chimney and Albert’s dad. I’m thinking he’s not going to be thrilled about his youngest joining the fire department and show up to talk some sense into him and scold Chimney for letting him do it.

I’m so confused about how much time has passed? How long does it take to become a firefighter? They must have some sort of plan for him because cutting out him going through training seems like a lost opportunity. It’s a story we haven’t really seen through anything but montages. Is it difficult? Would he try to quit? I’d have liked to see him making the decision in the first place.

putting the rest under here because its really a lot

We’ll also miss Eddie recovering (and Bobby too actually), which I’m a little bummed about but not devastated. It sounds like we won’t see much in the way of the effects of either shooting but can’t do anything about that now unless they flash back and have them work towards that moment on the roof.

My biggest concern with the time jump is missing literally any of Maddie’s story. I don’t know much about PPD or if its called recovery or overcoming it but I do want to see Maddie work through that and Chimney and the others supporting her.

I think her leaving the dispatch center will be temporary but it may take half or all of next season for her to return.

Maybe she’ll take over for May, if she does go off to school

Or May might continue working at Dispatch and going to school.

If she doesn’t go to school Athena is not going to be very happy with her. But maybe we could get Maddie and Josh being big siblings to May which is an underappreciated dynamic. Maybe it will help Maddie cope with how useless she’s feeling with Jee.

I’ll need to rewatch to see if they say what May wants to do but maybe she’ll study journalism or something that will keep her in the loop of the main characters the way it does Taylor.

And speaking of Taylor, she is actually a very interesting character, whether you like her (morally) or not. I think we’ll see more of her in season 5 and I genuinely think she’ll fall hard for Buck. And I think everyone needs to chill about how it’ll destroy her character.  We’ve already established that Taylor is like the female version of Buck (with a bit more sense maybe but a mirror if him non the less). If Buck is allowed to grow and want an actual relationship, is anyone really surprised they’d have Taylor go through that too.

She’s just a few steps behind, like he’s in relationship phase and she’s just coming to terms with her own feelings for him

My big concern, since they like to break Buck’s poor little heart, is that she’ll leave. She’ll get a job opportunity and pick it over Buck. I think it would be a hard decision for her but in character. Or maybe they’ll surprise us and make Buck and Taylor endgame (I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that but I could see it happening that way)

On the flip side I don’t know what’s going to happen with Eddie and Ana. I know she’s pretty much hated but its super unclear what the plan is other than that they’ll eventually break up per what Carla implied. I suspect they’ll be together for a bit of season five until Eddie figures out what’s up with what his heart wants. I don’t think Ana is some awful witch so the break up will probably be mutual or at the very least Ana won’t be surprised.

But hopefully we get more than just that as far as Eddie goes. The episodes we do get that are focused on him are really some of my favorites. They are wrapping up his moving on from Shannon arc which is cool. The trying to be a good father to Christopher will always be there, that’s something that will never change and always be a growing/learning experience.

I’d love to meet one or both of Eddie’s sisters. They don’t have to stick around long term like Albert did but to have them pop up with some crisis would be interesting and we could learn more about Eddie and the dynamic with his family which seems loving but strained.

Maybe we will see Eddie working more with Hen too. I was wondering if they’d make Eddie a full paramedic to take over for her eventually, which I decided they probably won’t do. But one episode of Buck distressed over the fact that he and Eddie wouldn’t be partners anymore would be fun drama.

The two really are just at a loss without each other and I love that. They get so pouty when they’re apart.

I don’t know what other plans they might have for Buck next season. I suspect we’ll see him worrying over Maddie and I’d kill to see him watching Jee-Yun.

I don’t know how old she’ll be because of the time jump but can you imagine Buck watching the baby and it just being an absolute disaster. So he starts calling everyone in a panic and we get firefam taking care of Baby Jee, maybe while Chim and Maddie are at a therapy session or just a weekend away for themselves.

I’m convinced the Baby would love Eddie. I think its just me projecting my desire for Eddie and Maddie to interact more. But like Hen teasing him because of course the baby loves him, all the girls love Eddie, he’s got the pretty face. Buck being super jealous that Jee likes him more. Eddie being genuinely surprised because he felt like such a failure when Chris was a baby. 

Denny, Harry and Christopher are all getting older too so there has got to be a story there with at least one, if not all of them. Harry was sidelined this season but I love that kid, he is the spawn of Athena and Michael and we already know he’s a little trouble maker. Match that with Christopher who is sassy and too smart for his own good and Denny who is clearly the good kid of the bunch. I don’t know, it’s another lost opportunity if they don’t do something with that.

They could assign Karen and Hen an older foster kid who’s maybe not such a good influence at first. Unless they opt for just younger ones, I’m not really sure how that works. But they could get one that’s not as easy as nia and they have to work for that bond.

Might be they adopt them at the end

I hope we see more of Hen’s mom and med school friends but not like a crazy amount. The cast is already too big but I love them so an occasional appearance would be welcome.

I love David and Michael too but they always seem like the hardest to work in because, as stated, they are not first responders. David is a doctor though so maybe we’ll see some interaction with him and Hen. And all the Bobby and Michael content is welcome.

I NEED A WEDDING NEXT SEASON! Just pick a pair and marry them please!!! Maddie and Chimney!!! Michael and David!!! Someone, please! Even just a proposal?! Maybe? Please?

And there will be another crossover event which is exciting because I really enjoyed the first one. I wonder if they’ll come to LA this time and what would bring them there. With the scheduling of the shows next season they won’t have to tie them together so much time frame wise. They literally could just be popping in for a visit. I’m not gonna lie when I thought about another crossover I really wanted Bobby the self-taught chef to meet Charles the actual chef but now I can’t have that and it makes me so sad.

Putting all this out there is a really good way to insure it never happens, but still, they seem like logical places to go as of the finale.

[himbo-buckley]

The Big Buddie for Dummies Guide

Hello party people and welcome to whatever this was supposed to be!

Quite a while ago I got an ask by someone about doing a guide on all the canon indicators for Buddie to explain the ship to non-shippers and about 5 anxiety attacks and four weeks later, I finally did it!

So read, enjoy, reblog, validate, disagree!

Also here are some notes before we get started:

Buddie has been around a while now and there are some incredibly people writing about them and doing meta posts for them, some of which I asked for their opinion which I will link at the end and some of which I am quoting in a way / have been inspired by (Also feel free to send me all and every post related and I will link it in the text as I will try to do the same)

This Guide is organised by the following themes we find in the show with Buddie: trust - coparenting - connection and love life - subtext

I’m not gonna lie, this is incomplete af because tbh? There is so much stuff that can be interpreted as evidence for Buddie but this is too long already so I left some stuff out, I hope ya’ll don’t mind … (also the reblog  option exists for reason, just add on what I missed, I’m not gonna bite!)

I’m gonna assume the person who reads this has a general understanding of the show and its scenes because I cannot explain every scene down to it’s very detail (I mean I can but that’s another 20000 words worth of meta and not sure anyone wants to read that … again) but I will try and link fitting gifsets (again, send them my way if you feel I should include sth.)

I should also add a warning for the fact that I, personally, think I am hilarious but others might not but fellas, Idc! (Also I cuss, some people don’t like that?)

So let’s get this show on the road then, shall we? I call this meta : „We might end up real close.“

(alternate title: „Buddie stans ship hard but canon ships harder“ or „This is Timbo’s story (of becoming more famous than Joss Whedon) and I’m just it’s vessel“)

Trust

We’re gonna start this off strong (I mean all of them are strong themes) by talking about the biggest theme with Buddie which is trust. It goes all the way back to 2.01 and the gym scene and Buck basically telling Eddie he doesn’t trust him (complaining about Eddie’s comfort level, anyone?) and that he needs to earn that - which rude but also I get it.

In fact there are two main themes which I combined into Trust which begin in 2.01:

„You’re my problem“ and „You can have my back any day“ both of which sort of sum up Buddie, because from the get go Buck decides hey, this guy is my problem and then he proceeds to make everything about Eddie his business. Eddie meanwhile tells Buck he’d love to have him watching his back - meaning Eddie trusts him and wants Buck to be his partner.

(Side note: isn’t it beautiful how that is a complete reverse of their usual attitudes? Usually Buck trusts way to easy and Eddie never does but with each other it’s the opposite!)

Let’s look at the episodes in order, okay?

2.01: „I think I’ve seen this happen in porn before“

- „You’re my problem“: I’m gonna talk about the gym scene later a bit more but this sort of establishes the dynamic Buddie has? Because both are fascinated by and focused on each other from the get go. I mean: Eddie got to the 118 and everyone seemed to be nice to him except this one guy and instead of giving him a few days, thinking he’ll come around , Eddie is like: nah, I’ll confront him! Why? Maybe it’s gay, maybe it’s Maybelline, maybe Eddie „I am not enough“ Diaz was just sick and tired of everyone putting trust in him because soldier and craved the vibe check?

- „You can have my back“: Basically what happened was, they got the bomb out (being partners and in sync even when they didn’t like each other yet) and they stood outside and Eddie tries a new approach cause for some reason Eddie decided out of everyone at the 118 he needed Buck to like him specifically and so he pays the guy - who was nothing but rude to him so far but who is also very competent - a compliment and Buck gets all flustered and thankful - and „You’re my problem!“ gets rephrased into „Or you know, you could have mine!“

(Also the look of pure elation on Buck’s face when Eddie compliments him, you know the person Hen has basically said is so awesome and pretty it transcends sexualities? And he picks Buck of all people to have his back? Buck has no choice but to stan!)

- In terms of Trust we also get the pool scene which is our second instance of them being in sync and partners by both jumping into the pool and getting the guy out basically at the same time

2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“

- „Where do you want us, Cap?“: Now looking at the timeline of 2.01 they’ve known each other for approximately four days as this is their fourth shift together (we see) and yet Eddie is already comfortable enough to answer for himself and Buck several times. He’s the one who decides they will go in and he answers the roll call later for the both of them. This is our first real instance of them being in sync and just their whole interaction, from Eddie going along with Buck’s plan about the elevator to everything else just shows how much they already trust each other.

- „I, uh, I love kids“: Also Buck in this episode, why was it so important that Eddie knows you like kids? Please share!

- “Eddie, you’re kid is in the safest place he can be.“: Connected to this is a sub-theme I like to call: ‚They know each other better than anyone else does‘ which is established here with Buck realising that Eddie is full of shit when he pretends not to worry about Chris so Buck spends some time trying to assure Eddie Chris is safe at school.

- „Is everything okay?“: Of course, the fact that Buck was the only one to check in with Eddie’s mental state from the truck scene onwards is very telling, because everyone else likes and trusts him but they don’t really care (yet)

- And the episodes end with everyone reuniting with their families, including Eddie - while Buck watches from the car because Buck drove him there because he has his back (also see Subtext)

2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

This whole episode is what made several people ship Buddie and well, I can see it and I will talk about a lot of it with the other themes but for now:

- „I just feel bad for him. (…) Eddie’s working on it“: This episode really leans into the whole „You’re my problem“ with Buck apparently driving Eddie to the hospital (or at least coming along) to Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby to worrying about them at home until finally he introduces him to Carla.

Mind you, they haven’t known each other that long, yet Buck feels the need to meddle in Eddie’s life and fix his problems for him which, yes, is very Buck thing to do but still: Considering Eddie was introduced to us as this super capable guy, it’s interesting that Buck immediately saw through him and decided: yeah, that guy needs me to take care of him.

Or you know, to have his back.

2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Oh, hi Shannon!“

- „I needed someone to have my back“: This episode establishes the significance of „You can have my back“ even more because in this episode Shannon comes back and you know what they fight about? Eddie not having her back. Shannon quite literally says „I needed someone to have my back“ which is almost the same exact  Eddie tells Buck in 2.01 and with that wording as well ...

In the same scene Shannon also says how Eddie always knows best and is the one to make the decisions which  is another parallel you can draw to Buddie where Eddie began like that in 2.01 (the scene at the mechanic’s) and then began to follow Buck’s lead (the elevator shaft) / let Buck help him (Carla))

2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“

I love this episode very much because there are several Buddie hints in there.

- “I think it’s none of our business.“: Connected to the topic of Trust is the scene between Chimney and Buck when they buy the Christmas tree and Buck keeps talking about Shannon coming to the station and the fact that Shannon and Eddie hooked up while Chim seems exasperated by this and frankly doesn’t care and he tells Buck as much, saying it’s none of their business. Except it is because Eddie is Buck’s problem, remember?

- „So … not gonna say anything?“: And then the „None of your / my business“ gets repeated in the scene when Buddie sits at the fountain talking about Chris and Shannon and they both say it’s none of Buck’s business. Yet Eddie then still tells Buck all about it sounding all defensive.

- It’s also the first instance of Eddie willingly searching out Buck’s advice about Christopher.

- And related to the topic of knowing each other well, considering how surprised Buck is by all of this, one sort of has to wonder how often they hang out outside of work. Because the way Buck acts makes one assume it’s quite a lot, which is why Buck is so hurt he doesn’t know about it.

- Also the fact that they so casually go somewhere with Christopher and the way Buck talks about him making it clear they have done this before.

- „Trying to protect your kid.“: On the topic of Trust I also wanna mention the fact that Eddie doesn’t trust Shannon with Christopher. Which is a direct parallel to 3.03 when Eddie tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with his son. And also 3.09 when Buck gets to be back in Chris’s life after the lawsuit as soon as Buddie made up yet Shannon needs to really beg for it? I mean, yeah.

2.13: „ Evan *I colour coordinate with bae while my sister is abducted and my brother is dying* Buckley“

- „Oh, no, I know what you were thinking.“: The scene at the hospital between Buck and Eddie does have a bit of subtextual relevance but I do think we should note the fact that this scene was in the show at all like this because wouldn’t Bobby have made a bit more sense? After all they spent one and a half Season before that making him the guy Buck goes to for advice and he has sisters as well, yet here we get Eddie being the one to talk to Buck.

We get Eddie basically telling Buck exactly what he needed to hear and while not exactly condoning his actions, he is also not judging them. Instead Eddie is telling Buck he might have done the same, because Eddie and Buck know each other and see each other.

So I wouldn’t necessarily call that scene Buddie-hinting but it does definitely play into the whole ‚having each other’s backs‘ and ‚knowing each other well‘ thing they got going on.

Also compare it to 3.06 in the way that both times Buck did something wrong and it was Eddie who actually took the time to listen to Buck’s reasoning and be the one to understand him, which is a very important part of their dynamic.

And the line „I wasn’t worried about that.“ in response to how Buck thought he would get away with all of this might be one of the top 10 heartbreaking lines of this show for me and that is saying a lot with 911!

2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“

I am not fully sure if the scene of Buck freaking out about Eddie going back in to save the kid really fits in here, but I’m also very unsure were else to put it, so Trust it is!

- „Eddie, what are you doing?”: It does fit into the whole having each other’s back thing with Buck immediately jumping into action to try and help Eddie

- But in all honesty prior to 3.14 this would have not made the cut as I would have been like: eh, that’s just who Buck is as a person - but as 3.14 will proof / has proven, he can be calm and collected even when his sister, his ACTUAL family is in danger and while I would argue it was in part because there was less he could do to actively help in 3.14, it still deserves to be mentioned now

- Side note: considering 2.13 / 2.14 and 3.14 / 3.15 this marks two occasions were Buck being worried for Maddie’s life was followed by an episode of Buck being worried for Eddie’s life and that too deserves mentioning

2.18: „insert *Jane Austen film*-gif: It’s about the hands!“

- I’m not really sure if this is really connected to Trust but Eddie holds Buck’s hand the whole time, even after he has dragged him out from under the firetruck until they disappear in the ambulance.

- Also the fact that Eddie, who is probably stronger than Chimney, is the one helping Hen drag Buck out from under the fire truck while Chimney helps lift it is … worth a mention.

- Definitely connected to Trust is Buck’s insistence to going to Eddie’s ceremony because this is Eddie and he has his back

3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“

Yes, this scene has a lot to unpack. In terms of *trust* / how well they know each other:

- „He’s just sulking, Cap“: Eddie says about Buck. In my opinion the phrasing combined with how before that they were talking about how Maddie can’t get Buck to leave the house and he won’t answer any of Bobby’s calls implies that either a) Eddie too has tried to contact Buck with no success or b) is actually in contact with Buck, has talked to him and has concluded based on what he saw that Buck is sulking - and yes, I am leaning toward b).

- “Maybe you’ll learn something.“: Which brings me to the fact that it’s Eddie who makes the  plan to get Buck out of his funk and prove to him that he still has stuff to live for, despite how dismissive he had been about Buck’s feelings before, calling it sulking and saying Buck should just brush it off. Because Eddie has Buck’s back despite it all and is there for him and trusts him.

- „He’s hanging out with his Buck today“: In terms of actual Trust there is the fact that Buck is very much depressed in this episode - and what does Eddie do? Puts his son in his care, you know, the most important person in Eddie’s life, convinced that Buck will be able to take care of him despite how low and bad he is feeling about himself. One) because it has been the case for Eddie probably. Two) because this is who Buck is as a person even while depressed and Eddie trusts that. And three) because even before the Tsunami Eddie was very sure about how much Buck loved Chris.

- „Honestly I don’t know how to help him.“: This also parallels Maddie with Eddie in an interesting way because Maddie spends the whole episode worried about Buck and thinking he cannot take care of himself, while Eddie trusts in Buck to not only take care of himself but also his son. Which yeah, interesting.

3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“

- The episode sort of proves that while the others may have known what Eddie was gonna do, Operation „Buck up Buck“ was his plan because he is the one who has Buck’s back. (Considering for example Maddie doesn’t know about it as she thinks Buck is home and had Chim been involved he would have told her beforehand meaning this was Eddie’s plan and he executed it and then told the others about it while at work.)

- Also in terms of literal Trust: LA is hit by a Tsunami and Eddie doesn’t worry about his son once because Buck said they are going to the movies next and also because Eddie trusts Buck to protect Chris like he would.

3.03 „‚Do it for the trauma!‘ - Buck-edition“

Once again a subtext-mill but there is some textual evidence as well:

- “How do you tell your best friend that you lost his son?“: At the VA hospital Buck calls Eddie his best friend when he talks to Maddie which I always found weird in this context? Because it should always be hard to tell another person about how you got their child killed (which is not my opinion but the way Buck sees it here, okay?), yet the writers choose to put in a reference to how much Eddie means to Buck.

- Which connects to another subtext and text thing which is the voiceover which has Buck say the lines: „To be seen. To be found. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for?“ after talking to Eddie, which no longer just implies this is about Eddie but actually straight up says it - and it connects to the sub-topic of how well they know each other, cause Buck says in this episode: Eddie is my best friend and he sees me for who I really am. Which, yeah, is stuff one usually finds in connection to a love interest. (Will talk about it more with Subtext though)

- Also before that the voiceover has Buck say „Sometimes being lost is not knowing how to get from where we are to where we wanna be, where we need to be.“ right as Eddie knocks on the door, which basically states that Eddie and Chris might be where Buck wants to be but also how Eddie apparently knows how to get Buck there. Because he knows him so well. (He literally calls Eddie his life raft in the voiceover!)

- „Buck, there is nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you”: Now the Trust theme in regards to the loft scene is interesting in how it compares Buck to two people in Eddie’s eyes / life: Shannon and himself. Shannon, as I already said, we have with 2.07 and 2.10, both of which talked about how she left Chris (and Eddie) and how Eddie no longer trusts her because of this and refuses to let her back into Chris’s life. Which is different to how he always lets Buck back into Chris’s life, even after the lawsuit with virtually no hesitation once they made up as far as we can see. Meaning he trusts Buck more than he trusts Shannon. Who is, you know, his wife?

As for Eddie himself, I’m gonna flashforward a bit to 3.08 and the conversation between Eddie and Bobby. Because in 3.03 Eddie talks about messing up with Chris, yet how he never stops trying and how he knows Buck is the same way - which is interesting considering 3.08 has Eddie basically say that he has not forgiven himself for all those mistakes. Yet he forgives Buck both for the Tsunami and abandoning them during the lawsuit.

And now I wanna say something very controversial and hurtful but also connected to how I read Buddie and Trust which is that in my opinion? Eddie includes himself here. Eddie tells Buck here he trusts him more or at the very least just as much as he trusts himself with his son. Which is pretty big, considering he barely trusted his wife, the mother of said son, who he has known for at the very least about 11 years during Season 2? Someone he himself said he loves? Someone he at one point planned his future with? (Meaning he most definitely plans his future with Buck in it now…)

3.04 „discount!Buck in the house“

- Two things are in this episode, both of which are very much not about Trust in the literal sense but how much time Buddie spends together outside of work:

“Can’t fight city hall.“ Eddie being the only one on board with the fire drill Buck’s leading because he is a boy scout who follows all the rules but also because Buck probably talked to him about his job as fire marshal beforehand and so Eddie knows how important what is happening here is to Buck.

„You don’t know math.“: now, you can think this is another dig at Buck’s intelligence but you also have to acknowledge that at one point Eddie might have either heard someone reference Buck’s math knowledge in front of Eddie or Eddie has seen Buck try doing math and has remembered that well enough to immediately be able to pull out that dig. (Which brings us to a parallel I will talk about later!)

- “Uh, who - who’s that?“: I also firmly believe that Buck would have not been as willing to go along with the lawsuit, despite Bobby’s betrayal, had Eddie not immediately rushed off toward Lena at the firehouse, making Buck think Eddie (his partner) has replaced him. Does no longer need him to have his back.

3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“

Ah, yes, that episode! Filled with Buddie signs!

- “And if Cap says he’s not ready, he’s not ready.“: What I find interesting in terms of Buddie and Trust is the fact that Eddie apparently trusts Bobby’s judgement more than he trusts Buck’s. Which I find OOC. Or not because Eddie is a soldier and Eddie grew up fairly authoritarian it seems his first instinct will be to follow the chain of command / do as the person in charge tells him to.

- Now everything else that happens after including and specifically the street fighting storyline? That was a direct result of the lawsuit and the deposition in which Buck betrayed Eddie’s trust by revealing the info about Shannon. Which Buck is aware of because up until this point we see him still looking up, yet after this he drops his eyes and doesn’t really look at anyone again during the deposition.

- “And I’m not allowed to talk to Buck.“: Yet. YET despite this massive betrayal in Eddie’s eyes what stops him from calling Buck later is the fact that he wasn’t allowed to do so! Nothing else. Also the phrasing is very interesting as it gives us three entities Eddie considered to call: his abuela, Buck and the 118, meaning Hen, Chim and Bobby - the people he will call his family about 6 episodes later - are an uniformed mass but Buck is his own person - because up to this point Buck always had Eddie’s back. And we all know he still would have had! (Sidenote: this line is what made me an actual shipper and why ya’ll can read posts like this, so maybe say thank you to Lyndsey Beaulieu? Or fuck you, depending on your opinion of me ;P)

- „And now I can’t even talk to you.“: This whole scene gives huge character exposition and I’ve talked a shit ton about the fight in the grocery store before as have a lot of other people, but basically what it boils down to is that Eddie is mad at Buck because he revealed things about them to his lawyer but mostly because Eddie thought they had each others back and trusted each other and apparently Buck doesn’t trust and care about him the same way Eddie does for him because he didn’t even consult Eddie about the lawsuit? And Eddie misses Buck a lot. And Chris misses Buck a lot. And Eddie is already mad because Shannon wanted a divorce despite how hard he tried and then she died, meaning she left him again and now Buck left him as well and why is Eddie never enough for anyone?

And of course, as always, Eddie is mad at himself the most because he wasn’t enough for Shannon and he wasn’t enough for Buck and he’s probably not enough for Chris who is struggling so much and Eddie just feels angry and lost all the time!

I think this is the moment Buck finally understands how much he means to Eddie truly. How Eddie meant every word in 3.03. How for once someone actually trusted him, depended on him - and he let them down. Which was never his intention because Buck never understood that he could (which is not the topic of this post though).

- “Why can’t you see my side of things?“: On Buck’s side, while he isn’t nearly as mad as Eddie, he does raise the question of why Eddie didn’t have his back - which is a very fair question but Eddie is still too mad at Buck here to hear it.

- What is also very interesting about this scene is that no one, not even Bobby who was actually sued by Buck, is as mad at him as Eddie is and no one dares steps between them. Probably because everyone recognises they are closest with each other, so the conversation hits a bit different and also is about a lot more than the „stupid lawsuit“. Yeah.

(Real talk I have been very mad at friends before and I am known to make scenes but damn, this scene does not read platonic at all, it reads ‘married couple fights in grocery store in LA - what happens next will surprise you. News at 11.’)

- In other news, Eddie didn’t come to the rage room in the end and Buck was very very sad about it.

3.06: „*cries about the framing*“

(Sidenote: I feel Eddie so much in this episode, I too would be too embarrassed to talk to Buck had I just screamed at him in a grocery store in full view of all our coworkers. I too would avoid everyone like the plague and maybe join a fight club just so I would not have to deal with those feelings. I get it, my dude!)

- “Whew, dude, are you okay?“: We’ll talk about it with 3.08 as well, but it is very significant and pointed that Buck immediately knows something is wrong with Eddie when no one else at the station had seemed to be aware of that.

- “I don’t know what you want from me, Buck“: The apology scene is very subtext heavy but what it comes down to in the whole having each other’s back / knowing each other well / Trust - column is the fact that after being mad and avoiding him all day Eddie still sticks around and more importantly actually listens to Buck - which, as shitty as that sounds, but considering how he acted before if Eddie hadn’t wanted to still be Buck's friend he could have said something shitty and left or stayed and not actually listened to what Buck had to say - but he didn’t because as hurt as Eddie had been by Buck’s betrayal he still trust him and he wants to understand, which I do think sets Eddie apart from everyone else because Hen and Chim forgive Buck but they don’t ever try to figure out where he is coming from while Bobby is … being Bobby about all of. Eddie meanwhile, who has the most or maybe the only right to actually be mad about the lawsuit, still trusts Buck enough to know that he had his reasons and actually takes the time to listen to them. Even if he is being sassy.

- And on Buck’s side we do have his need to reconnect with Eddie the whole episode and we have him notice stuff about Eddie no one else did and we also have the really beautiful and mature line of Buck saying: „I just want you to talk to me. Even if it’s just to say you’re still mad.“ Which I love very much and tells us a lot about Buck and communication, because Buck values openness so much.

- “And I just wanted to…“ - „Punch someone?“: Also while it was important for Buck to explain himself to someone - it was especially important for him to explain himself to Eddie, both because he considers Eddie his best friend and also because the grocery store scene showed him how much he means to Eddie which probably floored Buck because as we learned before and also after: Buck is not used to people needing him as much as he needs them.

3.08: „XOXO gossip (fire)fighters“

- “Whoo. Nice truck.“: One thing about 911 is that it’s a very plot and action driven show, meaning sometimes it will lack the time to actually show us certain things, especially when it comes to relationships, so it relies a lot on telling us things about characters and their relationships and as these scenes here show us they do a good job at it. Buddie talking about Eddie buying a new truck is very casual and banter-y / flirty (this is a Buddie post so I call it like I see it) and light and shows us: hey, they are friends again and close again and they know each other very well - while also showing us: Eddie still keeps stuff from Buck but Buck knows something is off.

- “Eddie too.“: Which brings me to my next point and the thing I love most about this episode aside from Heidi which is Buck running around and going: ‚something is wrong with Eddie‘ while everyone else is like: ‚Eddie? Are you sure? I haven’t noticed anything‘

Which leaves two ways to read this:

Eddie and the rest of the 118 aren’t as close as it seems and they do not care about Eddie that much - which considering all the deep talk between Eddie and Chimney in 3b especially and the fact that he calls them his family would be fucked up and also doesn’t seem like the vibe they are going for OR

BUDDIE! I mean, look at what has been going on with the street fighting storyline, essentially the writers went: okay, so Eddie can't talk to Buck so he goes completely off the rails but no one will know because Eddie hides it so well - EXCEPT Buck will realise sth is wrong the second he looks at Eddie and once the lawsuit is done he will spend two episodes running after Eddie and trying to figure out what is going on

3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

- “He’s kind of obsessed with natural disasters.“: Honest question: Is Buck really obsessed with natural disasters or does Eddie have earthquake related trauma and Buck has been googling stuff and telling him facts to calm Eddie down every time the earth vibrates a little because a train or something passes them by?

In any case it’s a very cute scene with Eddie once more revealing how well he knows Buck and the writers confirming to us that yes, these boys spent a lot of time with each other and talking to each other - without needing to show the scenes

- “I could still take you“: AFTER ALL they needed the runtime to do this other little scene this fandom has not talked about at all ever mainly because it is so very straight basically people stopped shipping after.

I’m just kidding, obviously the whole scene was very queer both in subtext but especially in text, I mean, what even was that line about still taking him, Buck? There is a child not even 15 feet away, where is your sense for decency and decorum? DO YOU WANT TO TRAUMATISE HIM EVEN MORE???

A few notes on this scene:

- It’s been pointed out to me that Maddie complains about how everything around there gets shared with the 118 and how Buck … turns around and shares everything about his sister with Eddie, which I love because it seems so normal and comfortable between them like they do that all the time, which is way cute and domestic!

Added to that considering the conversation Eddie had the week before with Bobby about Shannon and the throwaway reference about thinking his marriage having been complicated, I wonder: Did Eddie talk to everyone about the street fighting and Shannon after his talk with Bobby in 3.08? Did he just talk to Buck about it? Did Buck know about Shannon wanting a divorce all along? (Yeah, you know were I am leaning, right?)

- “Especially if you aren’t around to see that they need saving“: As for the apology in and off itself, I’m not gonna talk about the character implications again cause been there done that, send an ask if you wanna know more, but what it comes down to is: Buck acknowledging that he should have been there for Eddie and he didn’t consider the Eddie of it all when he sued Bobby, which is interesting because OFFICIALLY Eddie really is just his best friend and coworker at this point so did he really have to consider his feelings all that much?

Also Buck is saying - and Eddie is not contradicting this - that Eddie street fighting would not have happened if Buck had been around, which, to quote a good friend of mine: Uff!

I think we can admit that while Eddie was mad at Buck, his anger was not primarily about Buck but it was amplified by Buck abandoning him. We can admit that Buck was what ultimately caused Eddie to lose his control and considering everything that Eddie went through in the past year with Shannon and considering everything Buck went through in the past two years: this is as close to unconditional love as these two can manage at the time and that is very beautiful and does support Buddie 100%. They are each other’s anchor and person the one they turn to in a crisis.

Or well, Buck is for Eddie. Buck does have more people like that in his life with his sister there and I do think before the lawsuit he wasn’t fully aware that he could depend on Eddie so fully because Buck always doubts how committed other people are to him because abandonment issues.

3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“

- „This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest.“: Incredibly strong indicator / implications toward how much time these two boys spent with each other, considering how comfortable both of them are in each other’s space (and I don’t mean physical but material space). Eddie has a key to Buck’s apartment and just let’s himself in willy-nilly, while Buck is around in Eddie’s place often enough to not think of himself as a guest there. (And while that might be normal best friend behaviour to some of us, Maddie’s words imply that it is not for her / the Buckleys.)

3.14: „Frank says ‚Thank you, this paid for my new house!‘“ / 3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“

I’m gonna group these two together, since 3.14 in itself doesn’t have any relevance considering Eddie isn’t even in the episode but it does become relevant in regards to 3.15!

- Basically what it all comes down to is the contrast between Buck’s reaction to Maddie being in danger and his reaction to Eddie nearly dying!

Now I already said while talking about 2.14 part of it was that Buck was aware he was in no position to help Maddie and might actually make stuff worse if he intervenes while with Eddie he was HIS ACTUAL LIFELINE! He was actually responsible for getting Eddie out of the well and home to his family. BUT (!) it’s still very pointed, especially remembering they apparently changed the order of episodes around? Meaning we are really hit with the contrast and we have to consider the implications of it all!

- Also just Buck’s reaction in general, even with Chimney and Maddie in Season 2 he wasn’t this frantic, he wasn’t freaking out like that! This really seems like all those scene’s shows like that usually do to confirm one person is in love with the other by having them completely loose it at the prospect of the other dying.

And damn, does 911 delivers here, not just with Buck literally trying to dig down to Eddie with his bare hands but also with his conviction for the rest of the episode before going sort of catatonic near the end. Basically Buck was going through the 5 stages of grief over Eddie during the course of this episode and we just? Let him?

- Of course we should mention Buck has Eddie’s back always, so he doesn’t give up on him and doesn’t entertain the notion of Eddie possibly being dead for even a microsecond because this is Eddie and Buck needs him!

- And to add to the list of heartbreaking lines we have Hen saying: „Why? So we have two cut lines?“ because yes, Buck would choose to stay down there rather than let himself be saved if Eddie was already dead - and if Eddie wasn’t he would force Eddie to trade lines with him so Buck could be the one to die because Buck thinks Eddie’s life is more valuable than his and also he is a selfless idiot who loves Eddie more than himself - which frankly is a mutual thing if we look at 3.03

Option #3 btw would be that Hen knows Eddie has a legitimate reason to cut his line and he would explain that to Buck and - considering who they are - Buck would immediately agree and cut his line as well.

Anyways, no matter which option the writers were thinking off this line is heartbreaking and the implication interesting!

To sum it all up, the episode basically said: Buck would die for Eddie and he loves him more than anything else

- The Eddie implications of this episode are mostly Subtext, so we’ll get to them later in case you thought I forgot!

3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

Tbh I do not think that this episode was really about how no person can be happy / live without regrets / not be lonely unless they are in a relationship with someone or they would not have put that much focus on the relationship between Maddie and Buck and the fact that his abandonment issues stem from her leaving.

- “He’s not gonna do it alone“: As for Buddie, the episode goes back to them being partners and in sync with the roof thing and yay, it has a different ending then the reversed situation the episode before but also it features a metaphor we will talk about later

- “Hey, you’re more than welcome to come and celebrate with a bunch of 9 year olds.“: Just like we will talk later about Eddie inviting Buck to the sleepover! Because while I don’t think the invite was all that serious and I don’t think even considering everyone else, Buck would have taken him up on it because celebrating with a bunch of 9 year olds around isn’t what Buck had in mind, it’s very interesting that the first person taken out of the equation is the guy Buck is closest to and probably spends the most time with.

- And now let’s talk about the playing pool scene because it once again shows that 1) Buck and Eddie are very alike, 2) they know each other very well and 3) they care about each other the most!

Because for 1) I do wanna point everyone to the fact that Eddie doesn’t have anyone outside his family and the 911 either or they would have mentioned him staying in contact with his army buddies or something.

2) Eddie is the only one who actually listens to what Buck says and gets what Buck is really asking, while Bobby, Hen and Chim are all too focused on their own experiences to get that the reason Buck tries so hard to help Red is because he thinks he is Red (I mean they do get it, but they don’t really realise how serious this is for Buck - yet)

3) There is also a lot of focus on Eddie in this scene which we will talk about later as well but it picks up the whole ambiguous „us“ from the grocery store which technically refers to the whole firefam but the way it’s said still implies that it is about the two of them especially.

To anticipate a bit: every time the word „Us“ is used in this scene Buddie only looks at each other. When Buck says „I mean that would never happen … to us.“ he looks at everyone else but turns to look at Eddie as he very pointedly says „to us“ and keeps his focus there for a moment. Eddie meanwhile technically turns to the pool table while he says the word „us“ but he only focuses on Buck before this and doesn’t look at anyone else because to him: Buck is the important aspect here. And no one else!

Not to mention the intense look Buck gives Eddie (and only Eddie) when he says „Better not.“. Like damn, in 3 Seasons Buck has never sounded this threatening before!

Basically the way this scene is acted combined with the words that were written it sort of reads like them going: We’re all family here but you and me will most definitely never leave each other!

I mean there is a reason why Buddie used the ambiguous „us“ while everyone else talked about the firefam being friends or being family.

(And yes, that might be a bit of a reach but this is a Buddie guide after all, so we are going with the buddie-est interpretation!)

3.17: „‚Don’t say her name‘-challenge“

- “Uh no, someone else.“: More of a subtext scene but it does seem pointed that Buck refuses to admit that he was thinking about Abby here, considering Bobby most definitely knew that Buck was talking about Abby because he was there for the hot-air balloon date, so even if he did not remember right away he knew the second Buck said he didn’t know from Maddie and since Hen and Chimney weren’t there in the truck (and also, they probably would have known who Buck was talking about as well) the only one Buck was hiding from was Eddie.

Which makes sense, even if you only look at them as best friends, because Eddie only saw the aftermath and what we canonically know that he heard about Abby were things like Buck’s speech in 2.08, so … even as just Buck’s friend he must really dislike her

(Also there is that whole parallel one can draw between Abby and Shannon which I talked about here)

- „Buck invites Eddie“: So I’ve been going back and forth on what to write here for a few hours now and what it comes down to is this: despite being 6500 words deep into a meta on Buddie and knowing full well the writers so far have no intention of actively doing Buddie, I would not accuse 911 of queerbaiting. HOWEVER, if the show ends and Buddie doesn’t happen I will consider this scene queerbaiting because there would have been ways to write this that did not leave the implications it did because the way it has been written the text is:

„If I bring my romantic life-partner to dinner with my best friend he will bring his romantic life-partner who will invite her brother who will invite his best friend and then we have to invite this other couple we are all close with.“ and well, one of them is not like the others, right?

(Well, technically two but Maddie and Buck are most definitely siblings despite that scene in 2.01)

Because essentially what that scene did here was say: If I bring my wife the evening turns into this couples night with all our friends - except Buck and Eddie aren’t a couple.

And sure, just like all great queerbaits there is a reasonable explanation as well as a completely platonic way to read this because of course Buck would not wanna be all alone with two couple so he would bring his best friend and the we’d have to invite the other couple we know as well so they don’t feel left out.

EXCEPT - and this is why it feel pointed and queerbait-ey: We have already seen the 118 hang out without Athena and Bobby at Chimney’s birthday and it was never mentioned to us whether they were invited and didn’t come - or Chimney didn’t invite them. Both explanations sort of make Hen’s point moot because it does proof that they can hang out without their boss slash friend and his wife slash her best friend without it being a big deal meaning especially if this was a make-up dinner for Chimney’s birthday they wouldn’t have needed to be there.

There is also the fact that supposably Alfred is still in town? You know, Chimney’s brother? So if they wanted to avoid the Buddie implication they could have also thrown in how Chim might bring his brother like:

„I invite you, so he invites Maddie, Maddie invites Buck, Buck invites Eddie, Chim might invite Alfred,  and now we gotta invite Athena and Bobby“ - see how that has a completely different feel? Now there are three single guys and two of which are siblings of someone else in the group while the third is friends with the rest of the group, making this sound less like couples night out and more like a group of friends hanging out.

But they didn’t do it like that so now it feels like they are pointedly equating Buddie with the canon couples of the show which is quite queerbait-ey.

3.18: „TrainCRASH? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

Okay, so this episode is a little hard to do because there is so much going on and a lot of it is very hard to categorise! As for the topic of Trust and having each other’s back:

- I do think that a lot of Eddie here come down to having Buck’s back - even when Buck might not think that’s what Eddie’s doing like in the train car, but he probably realised later which is why we see Buck talk about it with Bobby but not with Eddie because they are at this point where you no longer need to have clarifying talks (about stuff like that, once romantic!Buddie hits they’ll have to do all the talking).

And that’s basically it when it comes to Trust because most of what is happening in the episode when it comes to Buddie is Subtext!

Coparenting

I think this theme needs less of an explanation - though I do wanna point out that while I think Buck has fatherly feelings for Chris and Chris loves Buck a lot, Buck is not actually his parent / father. He is slowly getting there and if or when Buddie happens he might become Chris’s other parent but right now he is not. So this theme is about Buck being a honorary member of the Diaz family in general and Eddie’s treatment of him most of all.

Because the way I see Eddie him dating anyone would always be tied to his son. Eddie has been shown to be someone who would do anything for family and his son in particular, so the fact that Buck is tied into this family is important. It also shows how much they are already a family without actually dating and proofs they spent more time with each other than we see and more than with anyone else.

I should also say that there is a very heavy overlap between this and the category of Subtext so some things will be repeated but all of them deserve to be repeated so there is that.

2.02 / 2.03: „Why Edmundo Diaz hates earthquakes part 1 and part 2 (of 2)“

- Like I already said when I discussed Trust Buck is the only one asking who Eddie is trying to reach, he is the only one trying to reassure Eddie and he does so even though Eddie is being sarcastic and pretending he doesn’t need to be comforted - also a staple in their relationship

And I think this is also were their dynamic of Buck being Eddie’s go to person when it came to Chris came from. Buck told Eddie he liked kids and then he proceeded to actually show Eddie he means it and he cares and considering Eddie says the mother isn’t in the picture and Chris has no one else (which as we learn throughout the show is not 100% true because technically Eddie's parents are there, even if they have no idea how to properly raise Chris, but in LA Eddie doesn’t really have anyone (yet) he feels comfortable burdening with his fears about Chris), so that must mean one hell of a lot.

- “Hey. Service.“: There is also the moment at the end of 2.03 when Buck immediately tells Eddie: hey, service is back! and then he drives Eddie to pick up Chris which is a scene that has so much subtext so we’ll talk about it later! It does however give us our first‚ Diazs plus Buck‘-family moment because while we see everyone reuniting with their loved ones, we see Buck with Eddie and Chris and yeah.

2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

- One of my favourite things about Buddie is how they manage to be exactly what the other person needs - or in case of this episode figure out exactly what the other person needs and giving it to them. It’s happening here and again in 3.01 and 3.03 and some other smaller moments as well (see 2.01 honestly).

It’s also interesting that Buck is the one to drive Eddie again because we saw he has a car! So why is that? Maybe because he knows the way better?

As for the coparenting happening here, aside from Buck introducing Eddie to Carla because he knows she is what Eddie needs, we also have Buck clearing Chris coming to the station with Bobby which is something Eddie apparently hadn’t considered but Buck had and instead of telling Eddie he needs to do that - he does it for him! Because that’s who Buck is but also because Buck realised in this episode how much Eddie really needs someone to have his back and just do stuff for him.

2.07: „*Tommy Wiseau voice* Hi Shannon“

- And in terms of having each other’s back this episode really shows the significance of this phrase with Shannon pointing out, like I said before, that from her point of view Eddie didn’t have her back. She needed him to be her husband and her coparent and he wasn’t.

Now we can argue whether that is true or not but it’s still an important parallel and puts Eddie turning toward Buck for advice into a new light.

Because as Shannon points out Eddie was never good at letting other people make decisions for him or with him before yet we continuously see him turning toward Buck for exactly that: sharing the load with him. And to put that even more into perspective: Buck is the youngest from their friend group, he is the one considered immature and he is the one without kids or younger siblings, yet he is the one Eddie choose for helping.

2.10: „It’s all about ‚figured it was none of my business‘“

- The interesting thing here is that Buck as Eddie’s friend really doesn’t have any right to know about what was happening between Shannon and Eddie if Eddie didn’t want him to, but Buck as Eddie’s family does (a little).

But either way this episode gives us another instance of Eddie confiding in Buck about his family problems - problems he again is the one most inexperienced with. In other words Eddie talking to Buck about it was really about Eddie wanting Buck’s opinion specifically.

There is also the fact that Buck came to see Santa with Eddie in the first place which is most definitely a family affair as far as I know US customs? (We don’t do this in Germany / Bavaria, okay? We have the Child of Christ and around the 6th we gather in the town square and shoot at it.)

It’s even brought up in text with the Elf telling Buck they make a beautiful family - and Buck not disagreeing because honestly it’s just easier and he probably knows how they looked. But yeah. That!

- Also not to repeat myself but the topic of trust is important here! Eddie not trusting Shannon in 2.07 / 2.10 with Chris vs. trusting Buck in 3.03 / 3.09 / 3.10 is important!

Yes, sure Shannon is his actual mother so Chris has stronger feelings for her and the potential to get hurt is way bigger. Yes, Buck was only gone from their life for a few weeks while Shannon was gone for about 2 years. Yes, Buck apologised twice while Shannon just played the victim card tbh (even though she did have a point with some of the stuff she said). But still:

Eddie is very hesitant to let Shannon back into his son’s life (and really his as well) while he does have no such qualms about Buck once Buck apologises to him in 3.06. In fact their relationship returns to normal with Eddie asking Buck for help with Chris numerous times while say 2.15 makes it clear Eddie still keeps Shannon at arms’ length and out of a lot of aspects of raising Chris.

Of course, giving advice to Eddie is not the same level of involved as actually parenting the child and part of it is probably growth on Eddie’s side when it comes to Season 3 but right here: it’s a stark contrast and it deserves a mention!

2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“

- „Ice cream? Oh, I do not envy you putting him to sleep tonight!“: There is the scene here where Eddie facetimes with Shannon and she is out and about with Chris and Abuela and they are getting ice cream and Eddie is all like: damn you’ll regret that later - which is the same thing he says about Buck in 3.02

3.01: „How you know he no sleep naked?“

- Buck gets a card from Chris which is a child thing to do but also should be mentioned because Buck does not get a card from Danny or Harry. And considering how much Buck likes children and how good he is with them we do have to mention that we only see Buck interact with Danny once and never with Harry while it’s been implied several times before the tsunami already that Buck does spend a lot of time with Chris. (Of course, in part this is due to how much closer Buck is with Eddie than Hen and especially Athena but still)

After all the season ends with Chris giving a card to his literal father, tying these two scenes together. And pointing out once again how important Buck is for Chris and the Diaz family.

- Also as I mentioned during Trust there is that parallel / contrast between how Maddie and how Eddie see Buck with Maddie sort of treating him like a child who needs to be dealt with while Eddie is basically like: let’s give him something to do so he feels less useless! (Guess who had the right idea! Just guess! And you have one try!)

- „Are we the only one’s without kids?“: There is also the cut from Madney talking about being the only one’s without kids and then remembering Buck to Buck getting woken up by Eddie so he can babysit Chris which I won’t say confirms Buck being a father to Chris but does accentuate everything he does for Chris after and gives the vibe that Buck does indeed have some fatherly feelings for Chris. It does at least place the idea of the Diazs WITH Buck being a family firmly into our heads.

3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“

- „How’s operation Buck up Buck going?“: Buck sending Eddie updates and pictures of Chris and himself hanging out is just really cute

- Also Eddie isn’t worried about his son at all!

- And we do have that tweet from Oliver Stark about jumping into the receding water at the end of 3.02 being basically suicide but Buck still doing it because the director told him, he’d do it for his own kids.

3.03 „Do it for the trauma - Buck-edition“

- I talked about it before with Trust but basically Eddie, who has parents who are still alive and physically able and love his son very much, even if they have different ideas of how to raise his son, and a sister with at least one child not that much older than Chris and a grandma and an aunt and probably some more family in LA AND Carla who he literally pays to take care of his son, literally tells his best friend he is the one he trusts the most with said son. That is fucking meaningful!

3.05: „What if we fight like a married couple in a grocery store downtown LA, bro?“

- „You know how much Chris misses you?“: The fact that Eddie brings Chris up at all and to hurt Buck specifically is - in part about Eddie deflecting from himself but also about Christopher actually missing Buck, which says a lot about the relationship Chris and Buck have and how much time they spent together if that is something Eddie would bring up here.

3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

- „I’d rather be at home with my kid, enjoying the one good thing I got going on.“: Eddie says these words during therapy and where do him and his son spent the following evening or at least an evening that same week? With Buck at his loft. Because even though Buck wasn’t mentioned here as part of the family time Eddie would much rather have, apparently he is part of it.

3.10: „Parenttrapping for Beginners“

- „Well, I thought it would be nice to bring the boys together for a playdate.“ - „All three of `em.“: this speaks for itself, Buck being invited in the first place was … an interesting choice? A dig at Buck’s mental age? Exposition? What exactly, Tim? Like what was the vibe in the writers room here?

- „Hey, Buck? (…) Can I spent Christmas with you?”: The fact that Chris would rather spent Christmas with Buck than with his grandma and the rest of their family is interesting as well and again points toward Buck being an integral part of the Diaz family.

- The way Eddie looks at Buck here and the little head shake implied to me that Buck and Eddie had the same conversation Eddie and Hen have right then already.

3.11: „Bist du single? Nein, eher Album!“

- “Well, that’s what the 118 is. The family we chose.“: Again maybe more subtext than text but when Eddie talks about the 118 being his family the camera pans to *drumroll* Chris, his actual blood family, Albert, Chim’s actual blood family - and Buck, who is basically Chim’s little brother and Eddie’s, well, best friend? Coparent? Partner in work and life? SOULMATE?

Yes, it’s a little subtext, but it’s interesting that this scene shows only one character neither of them are related to and it’s Buck, emphasising once more that these two and especially Eddie (because he’s the one talking here) think of Buck as their family.

3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“

- “(…) we should try it together”: Again with the emphatic inclusion of Buck in family scenes! (But this time Carla gets to be there as well - though only to record them?)

This episode introduces Ana Flores as a potential love interest for Eddie and then spends the whole episode contrasting and paralleling her with Buck, as one does …

In this episode as well Eddie gets advice about Chris from several people and it’s interesting that the one person whose advice he follows without disagreeing or trying something else first is once again Buck. 

The episode also maybe implies that Buck was the one to built or buy or find out about the skateboard.

But really what matters here is Eddie reaffirming that there is no one he trusts more with his son (because he refused to take Carla’s advice right away but he did listen and think about what Buck had to say right away - despite his joking) and Buck being included in the family scene.

3.15: „MY therapist also says ‚Thank you!‘“

- „I’m always gonna fight to come home to my family.“: I’m not gonna comment on the lack of Shannon in the montage because I do believe part of it was that they didn’t really have scenes that fit and would have had to film them specifically which would then have to fit into the timeline / storyline before and also mostly it was about Shannon already being dead meaning she is no longer part of the family Eddie can come home to, so it makes a hell of a lot of sense for her not to be included, guys!

That being said I do believe Buck being in it quite a lot means something about how much of a part in Eddie’s family he is! Which is a big part and something I love about them a lot!

- Also Buck was so very happy Chris came to visit and then immediately walked over, which doesn’t really have any relevance except I thought it was cute and this is my guide.

3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

- Obviously it was meant jokingly, but Eddie would have loved if Buck came and not just because being alone with a bunch of 9 year olds is no one’s idea of a fun evening and Eddie could probably use the help (still hoping Carla was there with him and still surprised Eddie was in such a good mood during the pool scene after), but because he likes to spend time with Buck and he did wanna celebrate with him - but he was also very aware that spending the evening with 9 year olds was not what Buck envisioned so he said it jokingly.

3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

- “Whoa! Whoa! Two weeks from home? Isn’t Chris kinda young for that?“: I don’t think I need to say more about that scene really, I think everyone who saw it understood that it confirmed the 118 but especially Buck being fairly involved in Christopher’s life and how that confirms: Buck = part of the Diaz family.

- Also all the interactions between Buck and Chris at the party both with and without Eddie around I mean, yeah, again, meaningful!

- In conclusion: Eddie, Chris and Buck are family and dems the facts!

Connection and love life

Now, this is where we are slowly going subtext and also really interpretation heavy!

The title might be a bit missleading but I didn’t really know how else to sum all aspects up. Basically this theme is about their love live but also about the parallels between their storylines - especially when it comes to their love life!

Also this theme isn’t organised by episode but by subtopics because I summed up so many different aspects here.

Parallels in their storylines:

- 3.15 / 3.16 and the rope metaphor as a metaphor for their dating life:

Technically the rope is a metaphor for their lives and them letting go of things in general but especially about their dating life because for Eddie in my opinion this is when he really fully comes to terms with Shannon’s death while Buck finally admits to his abandonment issues, in part caused by Abby leaving.

(Side note: the fact that Eddie choose to cut his line just like he choose to actually do therapy to deal with his issues for Christopher’s sake while Buck’s burns away and he is literally forced to deal with his issues through being confronted with Red and running into Abby at the train crash is … something.)

Their dating life is being paralleled:

This really isn’t technically something that explains why you should ship them but I do think it’s interesting that from the get go their love lives have been happening in parallels / contrasts to each other? As if they were connected? Magnets?

So yeah, that and also it goes like this:

- 2.01: Eddie references Buck being single

- 2.02 / 2.03: Eddie first mentions Shannon but indicates a break-up / Buck meets Ali and seems to bond with her

- 2.04: both refuse to hook up with any of the girls at the bar and don’t want to date because they consider themselves taken (I know Eddie says it’s about Chris but Buck called bullshit here and text told us to trust Buck on what he says about Eddie)

- 2.06: Buck flirts with Taylor and Eddie acts a bit jealous

- 2.07: While Buck finally comes to term with his break up with Abby in her absence, Shannon returns and we learn that Eddie has sort of been holding out hope so far (they kiss in the end) (Also Eddie and Shannon and Buck and Taylor both happen in parking lots which probably only means they ran out of location money but still!)

- 2.08: Buck hooks up with Taylor, then meets with Ali and begins dating her

- 2.10: it’s revealed that Eddie has been sleeping with Shannon and Buck is miffed

- 2.11 - 2.16: we get a few mentions of Ali and some scenes between Eddie and Shannon reminding us both these relationships are happening and they are growing closer

- 2.17: Shannon thinks she is pregnant, Eddie wonders about their relationship, Shannon wants a divorce but dies before they can go through with it

- 2.18: Buck gets a new apartment because of Ali, their relationship seems ready to become more serious, then Buck gets hurt and Ali is traumatised by this and tells Buck she needs to rethink the relationship

- 3.01: it is revealed that Ali and Buck broke up

- 3a: both of them work through the trauma of the past few months, no references to either of them dating are made, romantic and / or domestic scenes happen between them instead, the ambiguous „us“ happens

- 3.11: they are asked about their relationship-status to remind us about them being single (AND THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER? Wow.)

- 3.12: It’s pointed out again that Buck is single but he says he prefers it that way while Eddie meets Ana and shows some interest in her, then during a call Buck indicates that he might not be as happy being single as he told Madney and Josh while also seeming a bit happy Eddie won’t be dating Ana (probably)

- 3.15: Eddie finally fully comes to terms with his past, including his relationship with Shannon and her dying

- 3.16: Buck reveals he might still be hung up on what happened with Abby and he realises he needs to move on, the ambiguous „Us“ is brought back

- 3.18: Buck runs into Abby and actually moves on

- Side note: considering 2.08 and 2.10 and 3.09 and some remarks made throughout the show, Buck and Eddie are somewhat aware of the relationship struggles the other had which isn’t really relevant but also sort of is

Parallels with canon couples

This is TV and TV and especially shipping lives through tropes and parallels inside the story to subtext tell you something you need to know without actually having to say the words, but just to plant the idea in the viewers head.

For example, and please I am just spitballing here, you are writing a show about Lifeguards. And there are these two characters who are named … Paddie and Tucker. They have amazing chemistry and they are best friends and love each other a lot. Now, you, as the showrunner, are considering making them a romantic item but you need to do it slow cause while you do have queer characters and a queer following this show is fairly mainstream and also the characters have presented as straight in text so far. So you need to do crumbs, right?

Okay, so how do you best do that? Well, Tucker is known as this really caring guy and very open with his feelings and he freaks out when someone he loves is in danger - so you put Paddie in danger, right? Proofs he loves him, right?

But then you want it to have some deeper queer implications, right, in case you do decide on making them romantic? So how do you best do that? Well, lucky for you, Tucker has a sister. And you were planning on putting her in danger as well this season anyways, so you just have Tucker react a bit more subdued here, right?

But then you really want it to hit people, like you need people who are more casual and mainstream and might not have noticed the romantic undertones Tuddie has had to notice that, right? So you put these two episodes back to back.

Except „Paddie Begins“ is set to air first and well, Tucker IS known to lose his shit about people he cares about being in danger, so they might not actually notice anything more. Or they will just consider Tucker not reacting as hard about his sister, Sadie, being in danger bad writing. And you can’t have that!

So how do you fix that? Well, you just change the episode order! Now the episode with Sadie in danger airs first and people will spent a week complaining about how out of character Tucker was and it will be still on their minds when „Paddie Begins“ happens and Tucker goes feral and it will hit EVERYONE! Like damn, apparently Tucker cares more about Paddie than Sadie? Why? What makes Paddie so much more important?

Anyways, this is how you test out an idea in TV and why tropes and parallels are important…

Moving on:

- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“: Now I have already written a bit about Buck’s reaction to Eddie potentially dying to safe the kid and while it is fairly tame for Buck it’s still something you usually see a guy do for a love interest (Any of ya’ll watch „Chicago Fire“? Because I watched like the first two Seasons and the main „Will they / won’t they“ - couple had a scene like that about once every three episodes. Cause it’s a trope!)

- 3.02 „Eddie hates earthquakes - the remix“: This is a teeny tiny bit of a stretch and there wasn’t even any nice cuts to anyone in the firefam to indicate they were referenced (which I found odd, considering this would have also fit for Bobby) but the guy who got impaled with his son in law said: „She‘s the love of my life but he‘s her‘s.“ which considering this episode has Buck doing everything to protect Christopher means a lot and I think about it once a day, okay?

- 3.14 vs 3.15 vs. 3.16 vs. 3.17 vs. 3.18 - Losing the love of your life and how to deal with that:

This may be the biggest parallel of all, and maybe I could have included 2.14 as well but I didn’t because it’s a whole season removed. It also seems meaningful that this episodes happen one after the other, making us naturally compare the scenes and see / look for patterns.

But to explain real quick:

In 3.14 Maddie is in danger and Chimney, who is her boyfriend and told her he loves her just one episode earlier, freaks out completely

In 3.15 Eddie might die / is considered dead by several of his friends already and Buck utterly looses it! We are talking frantic screaming and trying to dig Eddie out by hand and running around trying to figure out ways to save Eddie only to turn full on catatonic when none of that works. I mean, his mood turns faster than mine when I am hangry while on my period and that is saying sth!

3.16 could be considered a bit of a stretch but we do see Red lash out a lot when he realises that Cindy, the woman he considered the love of his life and someone he pined after for quite a while doesn’t exist like that anymore.

In 3.17 Athena is put in great danger and Bobby is forced / able to listen to it and while I am not sure if the blank look on Bobby’s face is bad acting, a deliberate but accidental acting choice OR done consciously in a way that mirrors Oliver’s acting in 3.15 - it’s there and it’s a parallel and we can watch it and compare it and see it.

To bring this whole thing home for us they contracted another outside player in the form of Connie Britton playing Buck’s ex-girlfriend Abby, who similarly to Red and Buck, turns frantic upon possibly loosing her fiancé and starts panic and lash out a little, which is fair and also part of a motherforking pattern, ya’ll!

- Another fairly obvious parallel between 3.14 and 3.15 is Buck telling Sue - as the watch Maddie and Chimney hug - that Maddie already has everything she needs when Sue asks him why he didn’t immediately rush toward his sister. Which can be compared to 3.15 were he does immediately rush to Eddie’s side and support and hug him!

-  I’ve already written about 700 words on 3.17 and the line „Buck invites Eddie“ so I’ll just point you back toward that part of the guide where I pointed out that Buddie was actively compared to the three main canon pairings here. Which is a lot and also could have been avoided and probably queerbaiting.

- Again, teeny tiny bit of a stretch maybe but like, we’re here to talk about anything in canon pointing toward Buddie and also this is my guide and I do what I want but in 3.18 we learn that Abby is now engaged to a single father and considering she was only gone for about two years (Season 2 takes place over the course of one year and in 3.13 we learn that Madney has been dating for just under 11 months so unless there was a time jump somewhere in the last 5 episodes we weren’t really told about, we clock in at about 2 years and maybe one or two months, tops, at the end of Season 3), they have been together for less than that time, even if we think Abby already knew him when she was still dating Buck. Which timeline wise puts them meeting maybe around the time Buck met Eddie, maybe a bit after, meaning Abby met and began dating and fell in love with and decided to marry a single father in the same timespan Buddie did … whatever it is they are doing! Which is meaningful because for the viewing of the Abby/Buck relationship which I am glad more and more people are realising was very unbalanced and provides an interesting parallel to Buddie because this means Abby and Buck met and developed feelings for a single father around the same time. Idk, I understand that the whole father thing was to make Buck care even more but damn, it’s a parallel so I mention it!

- Michael and Doctor Hale vs Eddie and Ana (3.17/3.18 vs. 3.12ff.)

Now, of course we need to realise that Eddie and Michael are fairly different characters and Michael has way less relationship related baggage than Eddie has which is why he goes after what he wants way faster (also, carpe diem, he just found out he won’t die). Also of course, there is no moral component to address in Michael dating some doctor vs. Eddie dating his son’s teacher, but still:

Michael and Dr. Hale had one scene together and it wasn’t even overly flirty and yet, we knew where it was heading, we felt the chemistry and everyone ended the episode saying: I ship it, more of that - which they did give us, just one episode later. They had some awkward moments, yet the show never left a single doubt in your mind where this is heading.

Now look at Eddie and Ana:

First of all we learned more about Doctor Hale in the two short scenes than we did about Ana in four scenes. That seems deliberate.

Second, while we do realise Eddie thinks Ana is attractive from the get go she repeatedly shuts him down by pointedly saying „Mr. Diaz“.

Third, every scene between Michael and Doctor Hale was romantically coded and we know where this was heading while aside from the initial scene between Ana and Eddie and maybe the second scene there were no hints of romance between the two. In fact in 3.15, an episode that is about Eddie moving forward in his life and letting go of the past she is both mentioned and actually appears, yet there are no hints of romance and romantic interest, not from Eddie and not in form of teasing from Buck and especially Carla, who pointed out Eddie’s interest in her previously. Soooooo…

Parallels with Love Interests

Now, obviously we also cannot talk Buddie without talking about them dating in general and then relating this to each other. In other news: there are parallels between each and every love interest Eddie ever had and Buck and also between Eddie and Abby.

(Side note: I could probably also find parallels between Eddie and Taylor and Eddie and Ali but tbh both of these barely qualify as love interests, especially Ali, who despite actually being in a relationship with Buck we know nothing about (hi, original Ana! You did good and I am sorry people hate you for having boundaries!))

Eddie paralleling Abby

I mean the truth is we don’t even need Eddie paralleling any other girlfriend of Buck cause there are so many between Abby and Eddie!

- Abby and Carla vs. Eddie and Carla:

The biggest one might be parallel that both employ Carla and why. Which is in part because Buck brought Carla to Eddie but goes deeper than that.

There is that conversation between Bobby and Buck about Abby and her mother in 1.09 when Buck wanted to break up with Abby and Bobby basically said: if you wanna date someone you have to love them baggage and all and should be there for them as well - and while Buck did try doing that with Abby, well, Patricia died before he could fully step into the ring and then Abby left, BUT he showed no hesitation after that to step right into Eddie’s life, into his issues, with him. And he even brought in Carla as a baggage carrier, isn’t that nice?

Also the whole reason why they need Carla around in the first place as both of them are taking care of a family member (plus the fact that Christopher is a literal child so even without CP Eddie would need help taking care of him working the hours he has).

Also tía Pepa quite literally calls Eddie a saint and I am pretty sure Abby was called sth similar by Carla and Bobby in Season 1 though I don’t care enough to check mainly because the implication was there all through the first ten episodes about how Abby was such a great person for taking care of her ailing mother.

But really it comes down to the parallels between Bobby telling Buck that a real relationship is about sharing the load and the conversation between Maddie and Buck as well as anything else in 2.04 where Buck is so desperate to be there for Eddie and help him.

- There is also a definite parallel to be drawn between the conversation Abby and Buck had in the Jeep while looking for her mom about how Abby hasn’t had sex in a year and Buck asking Eddie about dating in 2.04. It’s a little subtextual, but between the expression on his face and the topic and the teasing and the walking shoulder to shoulder it does feel alike to me so I mentioned it.

- street fighting vs. the apology: losing yourself

Now this one I love a lot because while it does happen half a season apart and isn’t explicitly expressed on the show: Eddie’s whole ark in Season 3a is about losing control and by extent losing himself because Buck wasn’t around. Abby meanwhile talks about how she found herself after she left LA and how she would have lost herself again if she returned to Buck (which is absolute bullcrap but not the point).

- There are also some parallels to be drawn between Buck, Eddie, Abby and Shannon (and technically also Maddie) and the whole leaving each other thing, with Eddie leaving Shannon for the army without consulting her about it while Abby left Buck for Ireland and then also the lawsuit where in a way Buck left Eddie like Shannon did, being so caught up in his own feelings he didn’t consider what Eddie (and Christopher) were going through.

But we can also acknowledge how it must have felt to Buck with Lena / Eddie taking Bobby’s side like he was once again replaced / left for someone else, much like Abby left him for Ireland and Maddie left him for Doug.

Buck paralleling Ana, Lena and Shannon

Buck on the other hand side parallels Eddie’s love interest a lot sometimes down to the clothes (and yes, technically Lena isn’t a love interest but Ryan Guzman thought she was and aside from the fact that he’s into women that could beat him up (which for once, not judging you, bro) and considering the parallels with Buck … that means if Buck was a woman, well, ya know?) so let’s talk about that

- Buck and Shannon:

I’ve already talked about that one a lot so I will only mention it here real quick but the whole Eddie not trusting Shannon vs. trusting Buck despite his betrayal again like right away once he apologised (which yes, what Buck did was not as bad and far more justified) and letting him back into Christopher’s life IS a parallel, considering for example how Shannon asks about Chris missing her (though it’s been over two years, at one point children just stop asking as we know Chris did) and Eddie telling Buck Chris misses him in the grocery store scene.

Also Eddie not trusting his wife and Chris’ mother with him fully even after they reconciled and him telling Buck he was the one he trusted most in the world when it came to his son is … something.

There is also a little parallel to be drawn between 2.17 when Shannon goes for ice cream with Christopher and Abuela and Eddie is all like, well, don’t come crying to me when he won’t sleep because sugar high and saying basically the same thing to Hen and Chimney in 3.02 when they ask about „Operation: Buck up Buck“ because Chris ate loads of pancakes.

Also Shannon in 2.07 said she needed Eddie to have her back and Eddie says he always did but Shannon disagrees (which might be a little how Buck felt with the lawsuit) and you know, Buck and him agreed to have each other’s backs just six episodes earlier.

- Buck and Lena:

 Now, with Lena, despite her being most connected to Eddie, the first (and second) time we actually see her is in 3.01/3.02 through Buck, which connects the two from the get go.

Eddie then finds out she was at the pier in 3.02 (before meeting her) just like Buck (though he doesn’t know that) and then meets her in 3.03 and she spends the whole episode running around LA trying to find her Captain while injured, much like Buck is doing in the same episode.

I also mentioned in my meta-series how I think one of the reasons why Eddie likes Buck so much was that Buck wasn’t impressed by his military background like everyone else (or his looks, I mean, it was probably more about his looks tbh) and how when Buck started liking him it was really about Eddie and not whatever he had heard about him - yet Buck was / is still never afraid to call him out bullshit, much like Lena from moment one.

There is also the fact that Eddie goes to her for advice and she literally uses Buck’s locker (and will I ever stop laughing about the tape? Probably not, I think it was hilarious, okay?)?

Then of course we have Buck in 3.04 reacting quite similar to seeing her for the first time as he did with Eddie in 2.01, even saying basically the same thing.

- Buck and Ana

Now, Ana is an interesting case because we see her a total of four times and she is mentioned two more times throughout the show and each and every single moment is connected to Buck somehow and sometimes so very unsubtle to.

In „Fools“ we cut from Buck saying he likes being single to Eddie doing parent-teacher conference and yes, meeting some other teachers first but also Ana, showing us that while Buck is fine with being single - Eddie might not be. And then Eddie introduces himself as Eddie and Ana knows immediately this is short for Edmundo - unlike Buck in 2.01 who guessed Eduardo? Also, Carla’s „big blue eyes“ line which is a little clown-y, so take it with a grain of salt that it could connect us to Buck.

Then of course her next scene is Eddie getting in her face about Christopher being hurt. Later in the episode we see Buck reference this on a call, meaning either Carla or Eddie told Buck about it (I am leaning a little toward Carla making fun of Eddie in front of Buck and Eddie then having to come clean about all of it, because I cannot wrap my head about the idea of Eddie telling Buck about having a crush, I’m sorry.) (And will I ever be over Buck being so gleeful that Eddie will now be dating the teacher after all? Because boy was close to cackling which even if he was in love with Eddie at the time and therefore happy he wasn’t off the market - still quite rude for a best friend if you ask me! Like, sure, do that but in front of strangers?)

Her next scene is Eddie coming to apologise to her and she gives her speech about limitations - which we can of course connect to Buck and Eddie talking about Christopher and his limitations before that and then afterwards going skateboarding with them. (It does feel a little deliberate.)

And then of course we have „Eddie Begins“ and you guys, they could have very very easily have either Carla or Buck make a joke about Mrs. Flores and Eddie’s crush in the firehouse scene, but they didn’t! And then we do get to see her at the end where she has one whole line and Eddie barely looks at her and you know what happens? They have a child ask the same question Buck asked at the beginning about ever just wearing the medal (which sounded very not straight in its delivery, Mr Stark, what were you thinking about?), making us think of Buck. Like, it would have been enough to establish Eddie doesn’t feel like a hero if the question was asked only once - twice in the span of 45 minutes constitutes a callback, meaning we are supposed to think of the other scene and that means thinking about the other person that asked, which was Buck.

Is this … flirting

Now, some of these are quite ambiguous but there are several scenes that imply they consider each other attractive or feel like flirting and here they are:

- 2.01: „I think I’ve seen this in porn before“

Now, we all know Buck’s initial dislike of Eddie was about Eddie being to good at the job and Buck being afraid of being replaced, but considering one of the first things we hear about Eddie is Hen saying that boy is so fine it transcends sexualities and considering they talked about the calendar which chooses them based on hotness just before and then all the references to the calendar throughout, it stands to reason that Buck considers Eddie attractive.

Also their whole conversation during the gym scene, what was any of that? I mean, Buck thinks the pictures of Eddie are professionally done which means he thinks they are good which means, yes, Buck thinks Eddie looks good in those!

Plus the whole scene is riddled with (sexual) tension. From Buck constantly increasing the weight he is lifting, while throwing looks at Eddie as if double checking that he sees he could bench press him and the way he gets in Eddie’s face to Eddie’s veiled barbs about the girlfriend breaking up with him and doing the same thing as a firefighter but he was getting shot at. I mean, what was that if not the beginning of a porno? (And here we have our first parallel between Buck and Eddie as we find out later because Eddie, too, has been left by a woman. Now the real question would be does he consider them broken up?

Not to mention that when Bobby tells him at the end of the episode that he wasn’t chosen Buck immediately assumes Eddie was and also is so very happy for his new friend, because he thinks he’s hot (right?).

- 2.04: „Hearteyes, motherforker“

In 2.08 Buck has a conversation with Chimney about his pick up technique and well, did anyone in production watch this episode because when Buddie walks away from tailpipe-girl-emergency he literally does everything he described.

Also Maddie says the words „Does this man crush on Eddie mean you are finally over Abby?“ to Buck and his only reaction is „Cute.“ meaning one) Maddie has teased him about his Eddie gushing before and two) maybe Buck does have a bit of a crush?

- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“

Again with the Maddie and Buck scenes!

Basically what happened was Maddie talked about how cute Chimney was but Buck assumed she meant Eddie because apparently if someone says cute, Buck thinks Eddie. This is just a fact, okay?

- 2.14: „‚It’s a miracle… bro #nohomo’“

Like my name for the episode already says, there is this scene were Buck and Eddie stand next to each other and Eddie says „That was incredible!“ and Buck who is already standing in Eddie’s space leans in further to basically whisper the words „It’s a miracle.“ into Eddie’s ears and then lean back a little and I am not sure if that wouldn’t fit better with Subtext but also Buck looks at Eddie like he wants to eat him alive and Eddie looks like he would let him and say thank you after while still embarrassed because he cries during sex.

You know, acting.

- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“

Listen, I am convinced this is all Ryan considering the reaction of Kenny / Chimney and Aisha / Hen but that doesn’t change the fact that they used a take which had Eddie stare at Oliver / Buck’s butt the whole time and I mean, what horrible things happened in the other takes that made production choose this one unless they want us to see Eddie looking at Buck’s butt while Chimney and Hen stand around looking amused?

- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

Listen, from the moment Buck says „Cause you would prefer working it out in the ring?“ and then does this dorky thing with his arms while Eddie smirks into his beer about how he fought in a cage not fenced in (which, I’m a little unclear on the distinction I think, but I am nitpicky af so who am I to judge? Probably just stuff getting lost in translation) that whole scene changes vibes, going from apologising to teasing. And I think it’s very interesting that this is when Buck chooses to come closer (and then keep coming closer until he is right in Eddie’s personal space while touching his belt which we all learned by now means he is thinking about sex) and they have this whole conversation about who could take who which happens in sort of half sentences and does not feel like they are talking about fighting each other at all.

I mean, Buck keep coming closer, while Eddie stands there rooted to his spot, leaning against the bar, smirking, like every hot guy in a bar ever who knows one smile and a bit of smolder and they will come to him (which Buck does, playing right into it, I mean, come on, bro, weren’t you once a serial dater? How do you not know how to play hard to get?) and holding the beer (you know, phallic shaped obj- okay, I’ll stop here, it’s a reach), occasionally drinking, like maybe he tries to draw attention to somewhere or he has a very dry throat and honestly: this is how porn starts!

I don’t think my writing (or anyone’s writing really, not that ya’ll aren’t talented af) can properly express how very not platonic and innuendo-heavy this scene felt.

- 3.13: „‚Bro, what if I flirted with you in a bowling alley while out on a call?‘ - ‚Bro, what if I invited you out to lunch after telling a friend to say I love you before it’s too late?‘ - ‚BRO 😍‘“

Again, the title gives everything away but like so many scenes between these boys that moment at the bowling alley when Buck channels Arnie and Eddie is all: you’re a dork and also wrong! and then later when Eddie invites Buck to get lunch (which is sort of Eddie’s thing, remember 2.01?) after earlier telling Chimney to tell Maddie he loves her if he has a chance because he might regret it. And to really drive the point home or maybe make it in the first place, after Eddie asks Buck - and only Buck - to have lunch with him, Buck then declines because of a little blood (Evan, come one, you’ve seen worse! I know I have!) - only for Chimney to consider this the push he needed to invite Maddie for dinner so he can tell her he loves her.

So, you know, platonic.

- 3.16: „The rope was a metaphor after all“

I mean, what was that scene in the locker even with Eddie leaning against the doorway all cheeky and grinning like: yeah, come hang out with me! - obviously it was about Buck never saying yes to babysit a group of nine-year olds when he could be out drinking (as someone who works with kids, I approve), but yeah, that’s not what it felt like? So unless ya’ll cannot act anymore this was deliberately a bit over the top and ambiguous.

Jealousy

Now, no good ship works without jealousy and neither does Buddie so here are some examples of Buddie being jealous.

- 2.06: „Bucky Barnes murder strut - 911 edition“

Now, your probably saying: Bucky Barnes murder strut? That’s a tall order! But damn, Ryan nailed that, okay? Listen, we’ve seen Eddie walk out of uniform several times at this point and NEVER before and never after has he struted this predatory. Eddie walks tall and military, you know, the way he stands, Eddie doesn’t strut!

Yet, here he does! And what I love about this scene is that we see him in the background while Bobby talks to Taylor, working out with no care in the world - and then Buck comes over and flirts with her, suddenly Eddie feels the need to be part of the conversation?

And he doesn’t even wait until he is standing next to them to talk, he calls over while still sitting on the lifting things.

So yeah, that one is him being jealous.

- 2.10: „It’s all about ‚not my business‘“

- Now 2.10 is a great episode for Buddie and in part it is due to Buck’s facial expressions in the background and out of focus of the camera when Shannon comes to the station.

I mean, Oliver always plays Buck very intense and expressive and with his whole face but that was a bit much, you’d think he just found out Eddie broke a vow of chastity or had an affair while being married (which technically is what Buck compares it to later so kinda makes sense he looks like that but also doesn’t, Buckeroo, what’s the big deal? Did Eddie show up at your doorstep a week earlier telling you what a punk ass bitch his wife was, or…?)

- 2.17: „*fridges female character for man pain* Haha, we’re so random!“

„Talk to Bobby. Maybe he can get you guys a discount.“: There is a point to be made about Buck just not liking Shannon considering everything he knows about her and has heard about her, the same way Eddie doesn’t Abby, but still. This scene and this line, Buck does not sound happy for Eddie or truly interested and yeah, it’s off and it seems jealous.

- 3.04 „discount!Buck in the house!“

It’s actually not just my interpretation, it’s actually - between the similarities to 2.01 and everything that happens after with the lawsuit and how Buck explains himself - literal text that Buck was jealous here with Lena. So there!

- 3.09: „#tw: mild adult themes & implied sexual content / #pwp - porn without porn“

Tim Minear please send me over some scripts or have someone call me and explain what they were going for with the „You had sex with your therapist?“-scene because Eddie was so huffy and offended and I need to know!

- 3.12: „There’s a horse loose in a hos… school“

Buck sounds awfully gleeful Eddie will probably not date Christopher’s teacher and while that might just be him making fun of his best friend being so very overprotective and short tempered when it comes to his son (Mr. Control has left the building!), still, it reads a little like jealousy over some unknown pretty woman Chris might have mentioned some time and Carla probably described in great detail when she told Buck all about Eddie losing his cool!

- 3.17: „LegsTM“

It’s technically not really a jealous moment because it’s not Eddie being jealous but Buck simply refusing to mention his ex-girlfriend here, but considering 3.18 and also and most importantly the fact that there are only two other people in the truck, one being an unknown firefighter driving the truck and the other Bobby, who very much knows how Buck was supposed to take a hot air balloon ride with Abby, for who but Eddie was Buck concealing her identity for because Bobby already knows?

There really is only Eddie left, who probably figures out what Buck was about as well because bro may not be Buck and his out of the box thinking smart but he is fucking smart and he can figure shit out as well! Yet Buck refuses to mention Abby’s name and for what? So he can pretend Bobby and Eddie don’t know he is still bitter about her? I mean, fucking hell, send over the motherforking scripts, Minear, I am done with you!

- 3.18: „Traincrash? More like train WRECK? *cries*“

While I think Eddie is being more protective than jealous here, he is awfully involved and he is uncharacteristically out of control and emotional here and I wanna know why? Does Abby being back remind you of Shannon? Is it jealousy? WHAT IS GOING ON??? WHY YOU SO MAD, ARMY BOY???

Subtext

Now, I am first gonna talk about Subtext things in general like clothing choices, music and cuts between scenes and I am gonna be honest, I probably missed quite a few!

- One of my favourite is that while Buck wears the same colours in 3.03 as Shannon does in 2.07, Eddie wears the same exact shirt - and considering the fact that Ryan got buff between Season 2 and 3 that was deliberate, someone bought that shirt again because we are supposed to connect these scenes with each other!

- As I wrote before in 2.10 we can see Buck and his reaction out of focus when Shannon comes to the firehouse to talk to Eddie and ya know, why?

- Tim Minear himself said the elf in 2.10 was an easter egg for us Buddie shippers and he also said we can make out of the fountain in the background what we want, so there, Buddie is talking about Shannon and Eddie having sex and how much that messes shit up while a fountain shoots water in the background and yes, that is an innuendo and subtext and I hate it a little.

- 2.13 has this hospital scene I love a lot and you know what? Buddie is basically dressed the same, because the subtext of this scene is these two are alike and connected and they GET EACH OTHER.

- Another scene I really love is in 3.01 when Buck comes in for the surprise party because not only does he not hug his sister or Athene but runs up to Eddie first, Bobby actually shoves Eddie at Buck so he is the first person Buck hugs (and then the hug itself, what was that? The way they hold onto each other for a moment just looking while their hips are still touching?! Is that how you two hug because I want in!).

- Also they are dressed basically the same, should we discuss this as well?

- And still in 3.01 when Buck thanks Bobby and they talk and Bobby tells Buck he’ll find someone better and then asks him if he is doing okay, the first person the show cuts to is - nope, not Evan Buckley’s sister who is also there but his best friend, Eddie! Jup!

- And still in 3.01 when the firefam talks about helping Buck in the firehouse, Eddie first acts dismissive but the scene ends with Bobby saying Buck has them even though he may not believe that right now and half of that is said while the camera is on Eddie’s face who looks thoughtful - only to cut from them to Maddie and Josh discussing the same thing and mainly how Maddie doesn’t know how to help Buck and what he needs from her. Which you know, the episode ends with Eddie basically giving Buck a swift kick in the butt like she though he might need (and then 3.03 has Eddie basically telling Buck everything is gonna be okay, so we see Maddie talking about helping Buck but never see her doing it and instead we get two scenes of Eddie being there for Buck and also no Maddie in relation to the lawsuit but an extreme focus on Eddie? Writers, I see you and you aren’t wrong!)

- Also worth another mention is the cut between Madney talking about children, saying Buck didn’t have any either - to Eddie waking up Buck so he can babysit Christopher and specifically calling Buck „his Buck“ to make us think on their relationship and let us know how close they are and also to tell us to not trusts everything Maddie says about her brother because she gets shit wrong.

- In 3.03 after Buck tells Eddie he lost Christopher and then Eddie sees Christopher and rushes over and and Buck collapses and while Eddie holds Chris after he checked for injuries and Chim and Hen and Bobby hold Buck and Bobby asks Buck if he is okay, well, this whole time Buck is staring at Chris and Eddie and Eddie is staring back at him and Bobby, if you wanna know about me, gotta tell you, I am not okay?!

- And then we have the loft scene and yeah, okay, this deserves 5000 words of his own, from the fact that they played „Photograph“ by Ed Sheeran which includes lyrics about how they will never be alone and how loving can heal and mend your soul and the fucking song ends on the words „Wait for me to come home“ just as Eddie knocks and brings Christopher over and tells Buck there is no one he trusts more with Christopher than Buck and I am sorry, what are we supposed to think here? This show is from the US, these people speak english, it’s not like these lyrics leave much room for interpretation!

Not to mention the whole monologue Buck did about being lost and not knowing how to get from where you want to be to where you need to be before Eddie showed up and then talking about how a few choice words can sometimes be the life raft one needs to get home and how we are all just searching for someone to see us? I love Maddie and I love the Buckley siblings, but damn, she’s not the one he has been searching for!

(And I keep bringing up Maddie here because as his sister she is the person Buck could feel closest to and should care about the most and be cared about the most by and yet all canon evidence points to Eddie being that person! Also she is the person next to Eddie Buck has the most scenes outside the firehouse with.)

- This one is a bit of a stretch but Buck looks very uncomfortable during the whole deposition in 3.05 but he looks everyone in the eyes until the lawyer mentions Shannon and suddenly his lap is so much more interesting and yes, after is when all of them get asked the really hurtful question but still, this is when Buck stops being despondent and realises, fuck, I went a bit to far

- Someone please find for me where the director talked about purposely framing them as romantic in the apology scene because I cannot find the post for the life of me, but never the less: In 3.06 during the apology, in the beginning of the scene we see Buddie from quite a distance and Eddie has his back turned toward Buck and there is a column in the shot to visually indicate the divide and yeah, the whole framing is quite something and the way the camera angle goes from far away making it seem like unbridgeable distance cutting to closer shots and how we slowly see alongside the words hey, they aren’t actually that far apart, like yeah, this scene was something else!

- Not a direct cut but during therapy Eddie talks about how he wants to be at home with Chris because he is the one good thing he has going for him and the one thing he gets enjoyment out of (because he is so fucking depressed and I cry), yet when we later see Chris and Eddie together it is neither in Eddie’s house nor are they alone, nope Buck is there as well, meaning Buck is considered a part of that one thing even if he wasn’t explicitly mentioned!

- During 3.10 when they take the photo with all of them Buck is grouped between Madney and the Diaz family, like right between and not just next to them. Also earlier when the eat Buck sits next to Christopher who sits next to Eddie and therefore on the opposite side of his sister and her boyfriend.

- Yes, they were probably amused by the meddling mom asking then „Are you boys single?“ in 3.11 but come on! They look at each other and smirk? For real? Hand over the script, Timbo!

- Also as mentioned before the fact that when Chim and Eddie talk about family and the 118 being the family they choose the camera is on Albert, Buck and Christopher, no one else is in the shot. And of course the song that is playing here, another song about home.

- The callback to Buck in 3.12 of Ana immediately guessing Eddie is short for Edmundo unlike Buck as well as Carla saying blue eyes (which Buck has) is also Subtext.

- Said it before but: the scene in 3.13 when they arrive at the hospital and Eddie asks Buck out to eat and then Buck changes his mind but Chimney runs off to call his girlfriend because he wants to have dinner so he can tell her he loves her like Eddie told him to do at the beginning of the episode is … interesting.

- I already explained why I think Shannon wasn’t in that many scenes in the video in 3.15 yet Buck was in most of them but it bears repeating. Also again it’s subtext that Buck is part of Eddie’s family and Buck is very important to Eddie and Eddie loves Buck.

- Also the question about the medal in 3.15 and the little boy at the end repeating the question, sorry, were we not supposed to think of Buck here, Tim???

- Also just in general 3.15 focuses very very heavily on Buck and Buck’s reaction - much like 3.18 later does with Eddie. All the non-Eddie scenes feature Buck and Buck freaking out about Eddie potentially dying and Buck making plans and being frantic and the driving force of hope cause homeboy cannot even for a second entertain any thoughts on Eddie’s passing.

- The rope metaphor in 3.15 / 3.16 is of course also subtext but I already explained that one and don’t have anything to add really.

- This one is a little bit of a stretch but I do think there is a reason Eddie was the first one to be taken out of the equation in 3.16 and because of his son and not a love interest.

- Also the pool playing scene in 3.16 there visually we see Eddie and Buck together in nearly all shots, there are two shots of Eddie without Buck in it but not a single one of Buck without Eddie in it and considering camera angles and actors literally being told were to stand it is deliberate that Buck is only seen with Eddie by his side here.

- I’m repeating a lot of things here but Buck refuses to say Abby’s name in 3.17 even though Bobby clearly knows who he is talking about.

- „No. He stopped waiting for me a long time ago.“ cuts to „Summer Camp?“ I mean sorry, what were we supposed to think here? Because this does imply he really did stop waiting because now he has Christopher and Eddie!

- Not to mention it sort of hammers home what I wrote before how Abby is dating a single father and Buck is sort of dating a single father.

- Also 3.18 puts a lot of focus in general on Eddie and his reaction to everything when say, Bobby, who actually knows Abby and was there for the relationship would have made more sense - unless they are pushing an agenda here!

The first person we have Abby interacting with at the traincrash is Eddie and then Buck joins them and the scene literally goes: Eddie *talking to Abby* > cut to Buck, coming closer > Buck: „Abby?“ > cut to both Abby and *Eddie* > Abby: „Buck?“ while the camera is still on her and Eddie > cut to just Eddie’s face having a realisation > cut to Buck

So sorry, why do we focus so much on Eddie here, Mrs. Lynch? Is there a particular reason, oh director, who art also directed 3.01 and which has also loads of Buddie subtext?

There is also Eddie coming to stand visually between Abby and Buck when Sam is loaded into the ambulance as if he is physically putting himself between them and then Buck running back toward the traincrash and Eddie following him after and all the shots of them and Christopher during the party together and once again having Bobby asking Buck if he is okay visually connected to Eddie, though in reverse this time because the scene goes from Eddie and Chris having fun to Buck and Bobby talking. (And should we talk about how this is the first time Buck actually answers the question because finally he has an answer or are we thinking about that right before sleep today when it’s easier to cry?)

- Also very interesting subtext is the fact that Buck and Eddie wear nearly the exact same colour and a similar cut pullover when Buck talks to Abby at the end and when Eddie says goodbye to Christopher and I mean, thematically both scenes are about saying good bye and letting someone go? But also it connects Buddie with each other and connects these scenes, which Idc, I probably wouldn’t have done without the clothes?

Not sold seperatly

- Also subtext / visual thing is the fact that Buddie is basically always with and next to each other at the firehouse and on calls (and before anyone says: well, they are partners, Hen and Chim aren’t as much), and that is a long list so I am just giving examples: in 2.05 they sit next to each other at the table while in 2.06 they sit next to each other on the couch and in 3.08 they sit next to each other at the table again and then we have 2.02 standing outside and 2.04 walking away from the scene together and Eddie handing Buck a weapon in 3.17 and walking toward the ambulance together in 3.13 and several other times, the point is there are a shit ton of scenes of them being right next to each other in case you thought that was a fanfic thing!

„The Buck lens“ / „The Eddie lens“

I’m pretty sure there is an actual technical term for what I am trying to describe here but basically there are several instances where we see Eddie the way Buck does, meaning while the scene shows us Eddie doing something the focus is on Buck watching this. Sort of POV but not quite I guess? Also the reverse is true as well, even if those scene aren’t as pronounced!

- Let’s talk about 2.01 once again as we have done for most of this meta and finally, finally look at Eddie’s first scene which we all know is sort of gay and the first time we see Ryan shirtless because Tim accidentally wrote a certain quota of shirtless scenes he needed to do into Ryan’s contract and he needed to get started on those right away.

Also please remember while we as well as the core four are watching Eddie get dressed „Watta man“ plays in the background, which, considering we are introduced to Eddie through Buck’s point of view might be the song playing in his head here? Anyways, back to the topic at hand and how we as the viewers don’t see Eddie until Buck turns around and sees him as well. Which is significant because several times through the conversation between Buck, Hen, Bobby and Chimney we see the locker room in the background so they could have filmed that differently.

Instead they had Chim, who stands off centre, noticing something while Buck banters with Bobby about how he will get to represent the 118 in the calendar, then the camera changes angle so we no longer stand between Bobby and Chimney but rather behind Buck, making him centre stage and putting a focus on his reaction to Eddie. In this scene we have Buck framed by two people commenting on Eddie’s attractiveness. Now we don’t get to see Eddie until we have gotten all reactions of the core four to him, with special attention to Buck, both in filming and text with everyone taking a jab at Buck before walking over to introduce themselves to Eddie which leaves Buck alone, watching.

(Now keep in mind this scene also has Hen basically say Eddie is so hot it transcends sexualities while „Whatta man“ plays as Buck slowly turns around and Idk, mate, that does seem shippy to me.)

- Another scene that focuses very heavily on Buck is when Eddie rushes and hugs Chris at the end of 2.03. In fact for most of the scene we see Buck in the car watching them.

- Also, the hospital scene in 2.04 and how once again we see Eddie interact with Chris while Eddie watches them because fuck knows why.

- Similar to the Buck lens we have 3.10 where Eddie talks to Hen about Chris while the two (or rather Eddie since he sits at the centre) watch Buck play with Chris and Danny. This is significant because Buck is also placed in the middle, putting him opposite Eddie and also making him the focus of the camera for most shots when the scene was about Christopher and Eddie feeling guilty. Huh, we say!

- Something similar happens in 3.11, which is the next episode several months removed when Eddie talks to Chimney about the 118 being their family and while this time Chris is the one sitting in the front, Buck once again is in the middle and also in focus in a scene shot from Eddie’s POV.

Other people reacting to them / commenting on them

Now, I am not sure if this is really Subtext but who knows where else it fits in? (This is a rhetorical question, only my opinion counts around here while I write!) So It goes here! And I think the title is self-explanatory enough.

- I’m a little on the fence on the Bobby looks because - no offence to Peter Krause - he doesn’t have that many facial expressions in general, but yeah, at the mechanics Buck watches Eddie and Bobby watches Buck.

- Our first real one of those scene is the truly savage tía Pepa who is a woman after my own heart because she says the mean shit to your face and the nice things behind your back because she loves you but she loves vibe checking egos more! And well, she is understandably confused by Buck’s being there at the hospital and asks Eddie who that is and why he is here and gives one of the best lines of the show by being so sarcastic, because oh, you work together? Damn, wouldn’t have guessed from the fact that both of you wear LAFD t-shirts! (I love her!)

- In the same episode Maddie comments on Buck’s boycrush on Eddie and while I am unsure whether that is supposed to make it sound less gay or it’s Maddie saying: Bro, you sound 12! but oh well! It’s a comment on them!

- I loath a little to include the elf in 2.10 because Tim has said that was an easter egg for Buddie shippers and a tongue in cheek thing but yeah.

- Also Bobby watches the whole „It’s a miracle“ exchange in 2.14 with that look.

- In 2.18 we get some text on the screen when they help instagram girl about how hot the both of them are and also how THEY should be dating which I’m putting into the same box as 2.10.

- The fact that Bobby shoves Eddie at Buck in 3.01, like sorry, why was it so relevant that this is the first hug?

- When Eddie / Ryan stared at Buck’s / Oliver’s ass in 3.04 we see Hen and Chimney grin about it.

- I know I have said myself that Maddie’s reaction in 3.08 was due to the fact that she just said: can ya’ll stop gossiping - and Chim and Buck were like: sure thing! and then started gossiping but still.

- There is Buddie flirting at the bowling alley in 3.13 and once again Bobby gives them the look and yeah.

- In 3.15 everyone seems very worried about Buck especially and they keep reassuring as if he were Eddie’s next of kin.

- Again a Bobby look I am unsure of but in 3.17 we see him giving them the look in the truck and yeah.

Other people’s heartache

Now, as I’ve said in the beginning, I didn’t wanna just include my perspective on Buddie, so I asked a few other people about this and while this isn’t a representative statistical number it’s still interesting, right?

(Also originally this Guide was organised by episode and I would have included the comments when the things came up but alas that didn’t work and I think I turned a little grey because of that)

@buckleysbabe:

When i first watched 9-1-1, I had no idea that Buddie existed (i hadn’t been on tumblr a lot at the time so I hadn’t seen gifs or anything) and when i started s2 I really thought they were just best friends, but then 2x10 and the ”you two have an adorable son” scene happened and Buck’s ”thank you” and the shy smile AND I WAS ON BOARD!! That was really the first moment, then I got the confirmation after 3x03 and the scene where Buck sees Eddie in the tsunami scenery, and then the whole Eddie saying theres nobody in this world....like in that moment I felt like they were seriously in love 😍❤️

About the 2x10: that scene has so many things. Like the water fountain in the back, Chris in the scene with them (like they are a family), then the elf saying what she said, Buck being for a second like ”huh?” and then you see the light bulb going on when he’s like ”ohhhhhhhh yeah” and then he says thank you 😍😍😍 saying HE IS CHRIS’S COPARENT. AND THEN THE SHY SMILE

@theleftboobgrabber

Right off the bat I thought they had chemistry but I think the entirety of 2×04 is when I genuinely started shipping it. Like.... the constant heart eyes, the support, Buck trying so hard to be there for Eddie and Eddie absolutely never questioning it, the look Buck gives Eddie at the fire house was absolute fire (when Bobby tells Eddie Buck asked for Chris to stay with them) like Eddie's like you did this for me??? And Buck has just this massive Big Buck Energy from where he's sitting like "get used to it" and I remember absolutely loosing my mind that Bobby got the hug and not Buck at the end of the scene like in what universe??? And yeah the rest of the episode is just the same but that feeling of 'that's the wrong man you're hugging' was the tipping point

@emotionalsupportfirefam

Okay so mine was kinda two moments?1) when Buck took Eddie to Chris' school after the earthquake and we see his reaction to Eddie's joy and relief as he holds Christopher and then spends the next episode trying to find ways to help Eddie with finding a suitable caregiver/ support for Chris and 2) the fact the took them whole of five minutes to go from 'rivals' to the 'dynamic duo' after the grenade call.

@evaneddie

Honestly? Literally every scene they have is romantically coded. The first scene of them, with Eddie being shirtless and us seeing it from Buck's perspective with „Whatta Man“ playing? That's subtext.

You can have my back any day? Yo.

The scene when the elf Blair(e) said they have an adorable son and Buck just said thank you instead of correcting her before he literally skipped away?

Eddie showing up at Buck's apartment and Buck not even questioning how he got in?

The way Buck is like a second father to Chris and protects him like one in the tsunami?

"THERE'S NOBODY IN THIS WORLD I TRUST WITH MY SON MORE THAN YOU"?! REALLY EDDIE? WHAT ABOUT LITERALLY ANY OF YOUR FAMILY? OR CARLA? Baby, that's love.

THE HALLOWEEN HUG?!

THE KITCHEN SCENE, THE WHOLE SEXUAL TENSION IN THAT SCENE?! BUCK'S HAND ON HIS BELT, THE GLANCES, "I'D STILL TAKE YOU", ON THE COUCH EDDIE LOOKS TO BUCK'S LAP, LIKE COME ON!

"You boys single?" *Looks at each other*

"This is Eddie's house, I'm not really a guest"

Buck's breakdown when he lost Eddie under 40 feet of mud. That was not the breakdown of losing a friend, that was the breakdown on losing someone you love. There's a meta I saw once literally just for this scene alone, the way Buck dug so desperately at the mud with his bare hands, the screams of heartbreak, the way he collapsed into Bobby, the pure dissociation as Bobby was giving instructions later on, Eddie's memories filled mostly with Christopher and Buck. Sure, the others were there, but, it was FILLED with Buck and Chris.

Then the ending scene of the season?! What was he trying to do with the necklaces? Thrusting his hips towards Eddie, hitting him in the face, then that soft touch on his face?

@adamngoodbuck

Hey! Nice question and for me really easy to answer. I started watching the show back in 2018 when it first aired but I was a casual viewer. Very casual. So casual I actually watched everything up to 2x10 and then I thought it was the season finale so I forgot about it. And then season 3 started. And nothing made sense. So I checked and welp, I had to catch up. And I did and something started brewing inside of me. I wasn't part of the fandom yet. And then. The THE SEARCHERS happened. And that scene. The there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you scene. My icon scene. And I was done. Hook, line and sinker.

@the-family-we-choose-118 

My main ones were all the big ones: the kitchen scene, the end of 3x03, the Christmas episode one where Buck is helping Danny and Chris make gingerbread houses and then plans a whole party for the firefam, Buck clawing at the ground in 3x15, Eddie interrupting Taylor Kelly when she came to the station to do the documentary in Dosed, the fact that Eddie was introduced from Buck's POV with „Whatta Man“, the entire earthquake episode where Buck is reassuring Eddie his kid is okay and then drives him to get his kid later on, and the scene where Buck introduces Eddie to Carla in (I'm pretty sure it's) the same episode where Maddie asks him if his boy crush on Eddie means he's over Abby (that was my main one). And I was fully convinced when Eddie walked in Buck's apartment in the beginning of S3 and ripped his blankets off him and was so sure he doesn't sleep naked/wouldn't have anybody over.

And the „official“ part of the guide is done but I do wanna say something else real quick which is:

You have just read about 20.000 words I painstakingly wrote over the course of several weeks and while I get that meta is even more harrowing to reblog than gifsets or fics because meta involves so much opinion and interpretation and what if you disagree with parts of it?

Well, again, I invested a lot of time in this and also: IF YOU DISAGREE TELL ME!!! TELL ME IN THE REBLOG OR IN THE TAGS!!! Because different to fics and gifsets meta is a dialog and I can’t have a dialog unless people talk to me! I’m not here to lecture you on right or wrong, I am here to tell you: okay, this is how the scene looks from my point of view, what do you say? So honestly, please consider liking and reblogging and tagging and maybe talking a little about it with me, because screaming into the void is so very boring

(And also in general: reblog reblog reblog! All these funny posts you see on buzzfeed and instagram screenshoted from tumblr? Half of them were made great by reblogs and all of them were noticed by these sites because of reblogs)

Anyways, before I (REALLY) let you go it would be hypocritical now to not talk about some people who inspired some of this (but ya’ll have to understand I cannot talk about everyone)!

I can however say these four especially helped me write this:

- @diggorypuff , who I have never talked to but whose posts about interesting parallels actually sort of got me into thinking deeper about this show: (X)

- @ingu, who fairly recently did a series of gifsets on Buddie and how Buck is framed as Eddie’s love interest which gave me life: (X)

- @matan4il, who is such an amazing friend and does the most concice and well thought out metas on Buddie without having to watch the show a million times like other people we shall not name have to (me, I am talking about me). Find her buddie metas here: (X) 

- And most importantly my girl, my babe, my love, @chimbuckleys who is the voice of reason between us and always lets me rant about stuff and was the sounding board for this and so much else I have written - I couldn’t do this without you! (ALSO I AM GOING TO BED NOW, BABE!!!)

AND DEAR READER, you made it! Now go have a blessed day and plant some trees because earth is dying and we with it!

[get-lost-in-fanfiction]

LOST - Another Story

Rating: M

Word Count: 4.7k

A/N: Here’s Confidence Man! Sawyer is all wishy washy with Amelia in this episode, but it turns out for good in the end :) Enjoy!

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Confidence Man

I’m sitting on the beach as always. My stay at the cave was less than comfortable and I don’t understand how any of those chumps think it’s a good place to “dig in.” Sawyer wasn’t around when I got back, so I changed my clothes and sat down in my usual thinking spot. I turn my head and catch a glimpse of Kate hauling bananas up the beach. Then it hits me, Confidence Man. Oh shit. I scramble to my feet and intercept Kate before she gets too far.

“Hey Kate!” I greet as I approach her, “Need help with those?”

Kate looks relieved as she begins to gather them up and hand them to me, score, “Oh would you Amelia? My back’s killing me.”

“Yeah no problem!” I answer, taking the bananas and slinging them over my shoulders, “Where do you want them?”

Kate points down the beach, past where there’s a small pile of clothes and a book, “Just down there is fine.”

“Okay! Cool, see you later Kate,” I say and Kate walks away from me. I start to make my way towards where I know Sawyer’s clothes to be.

I make it and smile when I find Sawyer's clothes and a paperback edition of Watership Down.

“Hell of a book,” I hear Sawyer call from the ocean, “It's about bunnies.” I sigh in relief, the interaction is the same.

I look Sawyer up and down as he comes out of the water naked, and I feel a blush creep over my face. “Must be cold without your trunks,” I say, making no effort to keep the amusement out of my voice.

“You bet. How about you come a little closer and warm me up?” Sawyer replies with a cheeky grin, and I half want to do what he says.

Instead I feel myself shaking my head with a smile, “You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Sawyer.” And with that I walk away to where Kate said the bananas were supposed to go.

I wait until Sawyer trails off into the jungle before I go hunting for a book. I need something to do other than sit on the beach all day getting a sunburn. Except, I don’t find myself getting burnt, or even remotely tan for that matter. Probably more Island magic, or maybe it’s TV magic doing the work in this weird reality I find myself in. I strike gold, Of Mice and Men, works for me. I read it in high school once, so I think it’s about time I read it again.

I sneak out of Sawyer’s tent and into my own, tossing the book aside to open the flaps of my tent. Once they’re secured I settle down on one of my airline seats and open the book to chapter one. Not a few minutes into the book I hear a rustling sound outside of my tent. I sigh and put my book aside before popping my head out of the tent. Oh, it’s Boone.

“Boone?” I call and he shoots his head up, hands full of Sawyer’s stuff.

“Uh Amelia- It’s not what it looks like,” Boone says, panic clear in his voice. Then Sawyer shows up.

“What are you doing in my stuff, son?” Sawyer interrogates.

“Uhhh,” Boone tries to answer, but Sawyer sucker punches him right in the nose. I yelp in surprise, they didn’t show this in the show.

I scramble to my feet to try and get Sawyer off Boone, but he pushes me away and I fall in the sand. This sets Boone off, and he tries to punch Sawyer back. I cry out again when Sawyer’s fists connects with Boone’s nose. He starts bleeding and rushes at Sawyer again, but Sawyer catches him and punches his face. Suddenly Shannon is there and Sawyer is off and away from Boone. Shannon scrutinizes me and drags Boone away, to the caves. I stand up in a hurry.

“What was that for!” I shout at Sawyer and he waves a hand at me dismissively.

“Sawyer..” I plead, brushing the sand off my pants. “Why did you have to hit him? And why didn’t you stop?”

“He was going through my stuff,” Sawyer gruffs, not looking at me as he puts his things back in order.

“You didn’t have to react like that,” I reply calmly.

“Betcha knew I would do that,” Sawyer grumbles.

“What?” I ask, but I know what he said.

“Nothing,” Sawyer replies, but he pauses as he looos through his stuff, “Did you take a book.”

Guilt floods my stomach as Sawyer turns to face me, “Yeah..” I mumble, “Of Mice and Men…” I look down, unable to meet Sawyer’s eyes. He’s already in a bad mood from Boone, and even if I know he won’t hurt me I’m still a bit afraid.

“Just give it back when you’re done,” He says and I snap my head up. Sawyer is already walking away and I just stare at him in disbelief. At least I know he has a soft spot for me.

A little while later, Sawyer comes back to our tents in a huff. I don’t remember why he’s so petulant in this episode. Probably because it’s his centric episode and the writers have to show what a “bad guy” Sawyer is. Lucky for me I know that he’s nothing but a big softy with a lot of grief at the end. Sawyer sits and starts to read his letter, and I can almost feel the air turn sour.  He then pulls out a cigarette and begins smoking it. I shake my head and suddenly Jack shows up and starts going through Sawyer's stuff. Sawyer folds his letter fast and I stand up.

“Where is it?” Jack demands.

“Hey, Doc. Long time no see,” Sawyer says casually and I walk over slowly.

“Jack?” I ask, sounding remarkably like Kate. But Jack ignores me.

“Where is it?” Jack spits.

“Where's what?” Sawyer shoots back, dropping his false nice tone.

“The girl's asthma medicine. Shannon -- her inhalers.”

“Oh, that.”

“You attacked a kid for trying to help his sick sister.”

“No, I whooped a thief cuz he was going through my stuff,” Sawyer huffs.

“Sawyer!” I call, feeling indignant. He ignores me too.

“Yours?” Jack says with a small laugh, “What makes it yours? What, you think you can just take something out of a suitcase and that makes it yours?”

“Which I had to move because everybody just wants to help themselves,” Sawyer interjects, “Look, I don't know what kind of commie share-fest you're running over in cave town, but down here possession's 9/10ths. And a man's got a right to protect his property.”

“Get up,” Jack threatens.

“Why, you want to see who's taller?” Sawyer jests.

“Get up.”

“You sure you want to make this your problem, Doc?”

“Oh yeah. I'm sure,” Jack says, his voice full of malice.

Sawyer finally gets up. Just as he does Kate enters the tent with a side glance at me. My arms are crossed over my chest and I huff in the direction of Jack and Sawyer. She seems to get the message, at least I hope she does.

“Hey, what's going on here?” Kate asks, but no one answers her. Jack just walks away, and Kate follows. With one last withering glance at Sawyer I turn on my heel and follow them.

“I'm going to kill him,” I can hear Jack say as I run up to the both of them.

“That's not going to help us get the medicine,” Kate reasons then turns to me, “Hey Amelia.”

I raise my hand in a small wave and then bend over with my hands on my knees to catch my breath.

“Maybe not, but it'll feel good,” Jack replies and then nods to me. I nod back.

“So what's stopping you?” Kate asks.

“We're not savages, Kate. Not yet,” Jack replies in a dark tone.

“Let me talk to Sawyer,” I cut in, stealing the line from Kate. Jack turns to me.

“What makes you think he's going to listen to you?” Jack asks, putting his hands on his hips like he always does.

“I think we have a connection,” I say, looking over at Kate. She doesn’t look at me, she’s staring down at the sand with a hard expression.

“Do you?”

“Please.”

Jack raises his hands in defeat, “If you can find him, be my guest.” I nod and he and Kate walk away. I do feel guilty every time I steal a line, but how else am I supposed to make myself relevant? I’m not supposed to be here, and I’m manipulating things to make sure I don’t sit around on the beach all day.

I walk away from where we were all standing, and amble my way towards where Sawyer is chopping wood near the end of the beach. I sigh to myself as I walk up behind him. I lean up against the tree he’s under and wait a beat. Sawyer chops a piece of wood and I clear my throat.

“What do you want?” I ask, and Sawyer turns his head to look at me.

A smile plays on his face as he answers, “Excuse me?”

“What do you want, Sawyer?” I repeat, and he just shakes his head and turns back to the wood.

“Blue eyes, I got so many answers to that question, I wouldn't even know where to start.”

“What do you want for the inhalers?” I sigh, because I know the answer. Sawyer seems to know this too.

“Ah, good question. Hang on a tick. What do I want? A kiss ought to do it.”

I feel myself stumble back, “W-What?” I choke out, I wasn’t expecting that answer. Sawyer turns around.

“A kiss, from you, right now?” He doesn’t seem serious, but the fluttering in my stomach makes me want to believe him. He’s just playing mind games with me.

“Why not from Kate? Don’t you like her better?” I ask as confidently as I can as I cross my arms over my chest.

“But you’re right here blue eyes, what’s a man to do?” Sawyer croons and I take a step back as he steps forward.

“I don't- I dont b-buy it,” I stumble as I speak.

“Buy what?” Sawyer asks.

“The act,” I say as I take a deep breath to steady myself, “You try too hard, Sawyer. I ask you to help a woman who can't breath and you want me to kiss you? Nobody's that disgusting. I know you, you know.”

“You don’t know jack, stop saying that,” Sawyer spits at me. What did I do to deserve this treatment?

“That piece of paper -- the one you keep in your pocket,” I begin, “I know the expression on your face when you read it and I know how carefully you fold it up. I know it means something to you. So you can play games all you want, but I know there's a human being in there somewhere. Give me the medication.”

“You think you understand me?” Sawyer asks menacingly.

“Yeah. I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” I say confidently back.

“Shut up,” Sawyer says and I flinch at him, “You want to know what kind of human being I am?” He takes the letter out of his pocket and hands it to me, “Read it. Read it. Out loud.”

“James I already-” I try to say.

“No. Just read it,” He growls and I realize it was a bad idea to call him by his real name.

I take a deep breath and begin to read, out loud, “Dear Mr. Sawyer, you don't know who I am but I know who you are and I know what you done. You had sex with my mother and then you stole my dad's money all away. So he got angry and he killed my mother and then he killed himself, too.”

“Don't stop now. You're just getting to the good part,” Sawyer cuts in sarcasally.

“All I know is your name. But one of these days I'm going to find you and I'm going to give you this letter so you'll remember what you done to me. You killed my parents, Mr. Sawyer,” I finish reading and I look at my feet. Maybe I provoked him too much.

“Now about that kiss... I didn't think so,” Sawyer says and he walks past me away from the wood. I sink into the sand next to the tree as I swallow the burning feeling in my throat.

Trudging back to the beach I notice Sawyer gathering up some things. I know he’s going to the caves, and he’s going to get punched. I run up to him.

“Wait Sawyer-,” I call as I approach him, “I want to go with you.”

“You don’t know where I’m headed,” Sawyer says coolly and I shake my head.

“The caves? To get water?” I offer with a feigned air of confidence.

“Fine, get your pack and some water bottles and let’s go.”

“Great, thanks,” I reply, feeling annoyed.

We walk through the jungle together for a while before Sawyer even speaks up. I was beginning to wonder if he was going to freeze me out.

“Why do you keep coming around?” He asks, keeping his eyes straightforward on the path.

“Well um, I know that you’re making an enemy of people on this Island and I want to be a.. a fall back?” I offer weakly. While it’s not a lie it’s not the complete truth. I want him to trust me and not get upset with me.

Sawyer just lets out a huff as we make it up to the caves. We walk over to where the water is and Sawyer bends down to get some. I keep my eyes away from the people in the caves as Jack approaches.

“Give me the inhalers -- now,” Jack demands to Sawyer, not even looking at me.

“Hell, I wondered when you were going to stop asking nice,” Sawyer drawls as he makes to stand. Jack lunges in and punches him. I flinch and make a noise.

“Well, it's about time, cowboy. Been telling you since day one, we're in the wild. Didn't think you had it in you,” Sawyer taunts and Jack punches him again.

“Hey! Stop it you two!” I yell out, the others in the cave glands at me but the two men ignore me.

“That all you got?” Sawyer huffs, flicking his sweaty head out of his face. Jack stops and looks around, noticing that everyone is watching him. He shakes his head and walks away. Sawyer breathes heavily and stares daggers at the cave people.

“C’mon Sawyer,” I say quietly, filling up some bottles and leading Sawyer out of the caves to make our way back to the beach.

After Sawyer and I made it back from the caves. We both settle down next to one another on the airline seats outside of Sawyer’s tent. Sawyer decided to take a nap so I decide to continue to read Of Mice and Men. It’s weird, though, sitting silently next to Sawyer as he sleeps and I read. I think forward to the Dharmaville days ahead, and I hope we’ll be able to do it more. Then my stomach turns and I remember Juliet. I scratch the back of my head and tuck into my book.

A few minutes later I hear crunching in the sand. I look up from my book and see Sayid approaching with a large metal pipe. Sayid holds a finger up to his lips to signal silence and I scramble out of my seat towards him.

“Sayid you can be serious!” I loud-whisper to him, pressing a hand to his chest to stop him.

“He did this to himself,” Sayid replies, pushing right past me to poise the big metal pipe over Sawyer's head. Sawyer jerks awake and without a smile Sayid says, “Good morning,” and slams the pipe down onto Sawyer. I let out a yelp in protest.

Then Jack shows up and begins to gather Sawyer out of his seat. Then he and Sayid begin dragging Sawyer away. I run up beside them, and Kate soon joins us.

“What are you doing? Jack!” Kate yells.

“This was Sawyer's choice, not mine,” Jack says stoically.

“If you do this!” Kate begins, but her next statement is cut off. I feel something hit the back of my head and spots dance over my vision. I fall to the sand as black engulfs me.

I’m jerked awake by a wave of cold water being thrown onto me. I look wildly around and see Jack holding a bucket looking guilty. I look to my left and see Sawyer tied to a tree. Sayid splashes water on his face to bring him to.

“Well, ain't you the brave one, jumping a guy while he's napping,” Sawyer drawls and then looks between Sayid and Jack, “Uh-oh, I'm in trouble now, ain't I?”

“I guess we both are,” I mumble to myself and I notice Sawyer turn his head towards me.

“Sawyer, I'm giving you the chance to do the right thing. Now, all I want is the asthma medicine. Just tell me where the inhalers are and we'll stop,” Jack explains to Sawyer.

“Stop what, Chico?” Sawyer asks and I look over to see Sayid making bamboo spikes.

“It doesn't have to be this way,” Jack tries to say.

“Yeah, it does,” Sawyer replies.

“No! It doesn’t, Sawyer please,” I try to beg.

“Oh and you’ve got blue eyes here too?” Sawyer asks with a chuckle, “I must be in a load of trouble then.” Jack opens his mouth to speak, but Sayid cuts in with a speech.

“We do not have bamboo in Iraq, although we do have something similar -- reeds. But their effect is the same when the shoots are inserted underneath the fingernails,” Sayid explains in a menacing voice, and I can feel my heart rate increase rapidly. I hate this scene, I hate this scene.

“You know what I think, Ali. I think you've never actually tortured anybody in your life,” Sawyer taunts, and I wince for him.

“Unfortunately for us both, you're wrong,” Sayid replies as he slowly begins to move behind Sawyer. I shut my eyes as Sayid starts with the bamboo under the fingernails.

“That's it? That's all you got? Splinters? No wonder we kicked your ass in the Gulf…” Sawyer begins to say, until Sayid shoves the bamboo into Sawyer’s fingernails and he screams. I let out a cry in pain as well just hearing him.

“Sayid. Sayid!” Jack calls, and Sayid stops.

“No. Don't stop now. I think my sinuses are clearing?” Sawyer pants, egging him on.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jack asks Sawyer.

“Perhaps a more indirect method will loosen your tongue?” Sayid asks and I know what’s coming. I open my eyes and beg Sawyer with him to stop. Sawyer doesn’t say anything and I whimper.

Sayid shifts to get behind me and my tied hands. I struggle with my bonds and try to get my fingers away from Sayid's hands. I cry out when he grabs my wrists roughly and slides the bamboo into them. I scream high and clear as color burns in my vision at the pain. I try to jerk away, but Sayid just tightens his hold.

Okay, okay!” Sawyer calls and I feel Sayid retreat. I collapse into the tree and begin to sob.

“Where is it?” Sayid asks harshly.

“The only person I'll tell is her,” Sawyer replies.

“Amelia?” Jack asks but Sawyer shakes his head and realization washes over Jack, “Kate?”

“That's the deal,” Sawyer says finally. Jack and Sayid move away from the spot to go to get Kate. I turn as best I can to Sawyer.

“Why?!” I shout, trying to overcome my sobs. “Why did you let him do that to me James why why why!”

“Keep your voice down,” Sawyer growles through clenched teeth, “And I did it because I didn’t think Sayid would actually harm you. I was wrong.”

“Damn right you were wrong,” I choke out and lean my head against the trunk of the tree. Then Jack and Sayid return with Kate. Kate looks hard at Sawyer, but her expression softens when she sees me.

Kate shakes her head and turns back to Sawyer, “So I'm here. Where is it?”

“Happy to tell you, as soon as I get a kiss,” Sawyer replies cheekily. I knew it would come to this. He’s never going to kiss me.

“What? Are you serious?” Kate asks incredulously, not bothering to hide the tone.

“Baby, I am tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a gen-u-ine I-raqi,” Sawyer pauses and looks over to me, “Of course, I'm serious. You're just not seeing the big picture here, Freckles. You really going to let that girl suffocate because you can't bring yourself to give me one little kiss? Hell, it's only first base. Lucky for you I ain't greedy.”

“Okay,” Kate agrees.

“Okay,” Sawyer repeats. I close my eyes as Kate leans in and I know they kiss. I keep my mouth in a tight line to avoid from making any pathetic sounds.

“I don't have it,” Sawyer says, and then turns his head to me, “Blue eyes here probably knew that too.”

“What?” Kate blanches, looking between the both of us. I look away from her face feeling guilty. I tried to stop it.

“The medicine. I don't have it, never did,” Sawyer replies.

“The book -- they said you found it in their luggage.”

“The book washed up on shore, went in the drink with the rest of-“ Sawyer is cut off as Kate elbows him across the face. I make another sound of protest as she walks away toward Jack and Sayid.

I take my chance to slowly try and wiggle out of my bonds. I felt they tied it a little too loose, and I try to maneuver my fingers to get myself untied. I yank my hands away from the trunk and my wrists free themselves. I shake off the bonds and quickly scramble to my feet and make it to Sawyer.

“C’mon Sawyer let’s go-”

Suddenly Sayid is running towards us, and back to Sawyer. I turn my head as Sawyer is helping me loosen the bindings on his wrist. I intercept Sayid and try to fight him off away from Sawyer. Sayid makes a move to try to stab Sawyer in the arm. I intercept him once ahain, but at a cost. Sayid stabs me instead. I sob in pain and collapse into Sawyer’s lap. Sayid holds his arms out, like it was an accident. Jack rushes over to us as Sawyer tries to get me up. He supports me on his lap as Jack pulls the knife out, blood spurts out of my arm and I cry out again.

“You hit an artery,” Jack says and I wiggle around to, “Keep still damn it. Sayid, I need my stuff from the caves, my leather backpack. Go.”

Jack pinched my artery closed as best as he can as Sawyer’s hands steady themselves at my waist to keep me still. I drop my head back onto Sawyer’s shoulder and whimper quietly in pain.

“Can you make it stop?” Kate’s voice cuts through the panic that is filling up my head. Kate and Jack keep me still as Sawyer and help me switch places with him.

“Let go. I know you want to,” Sawyer taunts Jack and I try to give him a withering look.

“Shut up,” Jack says to Sawyer, “And stop moving”, he says to me.

“You've been waiting for this, haven't you? Now you get to be the hero again, because that's what you do -- fix everything up all nice,” Sawyer taunts again, and I really wish he’d shut up. This is my life on the line and not his, “Tell him to let go, Freckles. Blue eyes is just taking up the top spot as doctor anyways. Hey, Jack, there's something you should know -- if the tables were turned, and it wasn’t blue eyes, I'd watch you die.”

“Sawyer I really wish you’d shut up,” I say weakly, but everything looks blurry. The last thing I see is Sawyer’s concerned look before I pass out.

When I do finally wake up, Kate and Sawyer are there to see me. I scoot up a little more on Sawyer's makeshift seat-bed. Sawyer is the first to get up and come over, and Kate follows after him.

“You're lucky to be alive,” Kate says to me in amazement.

“Jack?” I ask.

“Went to the caves to check on Shannon,” She tells me and then turns on Sawyer. She holds up Sawyer's letter and he gives her a horrible look. Red hot guilt fills my stomach and throat, “I read it, and then again, because I've been trying to figure out why you beat up Boone instead of just telling him you didn't have his sister's medication. Why you pretended to have it anyway. The thing that I keep coming back around to is that you want to be hated. Then I looked at the envelope -- America's bicentennial, Knoxville, TN. You were just a kid, 8 maybe 9 years old.”

“Kate,” Sawyer says menacingly. Kate must’ve took it off me when they were taking me back to the beach. I look down at my wrapped arm and realize I’m only in my tank top.

“This letter wasn't written to you. You wrote this letter. Your name's not Sawyer, is it?” Kate asks and I try to sit up more. Shit shit shit shit shit shit.

“Kate wait-” I try to say, but Sawyer cuts me off.

“It was his name. He was a confidence man. Romanced my momma to get to the money, wiped them out clean, left a mess behind. So I wrote that letter. I wrote it knowing one day I'd find him. But that ain't the sad part,” Sawyer pauses and glances at me, “When I was 19, I needed 6 grand to pay these guys off I was in trouble with. So I found a pretty lady with a dumb husband who had some money. And I got them to give it to me. How's that for a tragedy? I became the man I was hunting. Became Sawyer. Don't you feel sorry for me,” Sawyer grabs the letter from her, “Get the hell out. Get out!”

Kate gets up and walk away without another glance at me. Sawyer watches her go with an awful expression on his face. I slowly lower myself onto the bed, now feeling light-headed from sitting up. I must’ve lost a lot of blood.

“Sawyer I didn’t know she would find it,” I say weakly, bracing myself for an explosion from Sawyer.

“Not your fault,” Sawyer replies simply, still looking away from me. I stare at him surprised.

“I took a knife for you,” I say and he finally turns around.

“What?”

“In the original series,” I explain, “You’re the one who gets stabbed. I don’t exist.”

“Lucky you,” He replies simply and settles back into the chair next to the bed. I turn on my back and stare up at the ceiling of the tent.

The sun begins to set and I look out across the beach to see Sayid and Kate talk. I remember that Sayid is leaving, and I smile a bit to myself. It’s odd how even though I changed things, everything seems to course correct. I watch as Sayid kisses Kate’s hand and then turns to walk away. I turn my head to Sawyer and see him hold a lighter up to his letter, but hesitate.

He turns his head and catches my eye, and I give him a reassuring smile. He nods back at me and turns away to look at the ocean. I smile to myself some more and begin to hum “I Shall Not Walk Alone” as I remember from the episode's end.

LOST

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[aggressivelyaverage21]

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Mother Superion goes full Curella de Jesus. Beatrice is left reeling in the aftermath. None of what she said really was suprising to Beatrice, but was... was the sister who came to her Rescue. Mary and Shannon do their best to look after the rookie's paws.

Sweat dripped from Beatrice’s nose as she caught her breath. Her hands gripped into her training pants at her knees as she fought to suck in breaths. Mother Superion had been watching her spar Sister Aitana for more than two hours now. Long enough that the next in line for the Halo was finally starting to show some fatigue. 

Fortunately, Mother Superion had just dismissed them. Thought it was a strange way of doing it, thanking Sister Aitana for her help rather than declaring the season over. There hadn’t been much talking during the session. Not like with Shannon when she used moments to coach or correct, not like with Lilith where she did her best to goad Beatrice into losing control. Aitana moved almost effortlessly around Beatrice picking apart her defenses, landing blow after blow. However, the goading came from Mother Superion. Occasionally she would say something along the lines of Beatrice needing to do better, and apparently that was not finished, and unfortunately neither was Beatrice. “Stand up, Sister Beatrice. Or are you too weak to continue?” 

“But you dismissed—” 

Mother Superion stepped forward, her expression hard as her lips pressed into a thin line. The grip on her cane shifted almost imperceptibly. A subtle shift of her wrist really as she did what Beatrice had been waiting months for– she swung the cane toward Beatrice swift enough Beatrice only barely had time to move out of the way. 

“Clearly your reaction time needs some work.” The cane swung back toward Beatrice’s ribs, this time she was in too precarious of a position to block it well, the hard side of it bouncing painfully off the sensitive part of her elbow. Beatrice only barely contained a yelp as the blow landed. Surely that will be bruising quite well. “Maybe if it was better there would have been a different outcome for that boy.” 

And while Mother Superion had been saying these kinds of things to her the entire time she’d sparred with Sister Aitana, she hadn’t gone there. Not so specifically it wasn’t left up to Beatrice’s imagination. 

Part of Beatrice knew what she was doing. She was trying to distract her. Goad Beatrice into faltering enough to give Aitana, and now Mother Superion, an advantage. It hadn’t worked. Not much at least after the first time. Not when she had so pointedly told Beatrice that vows wouldn’t save her from what she was running from. Beatrice had frozen in place. Icy dread splashed over her like a bucket to the face. Her stomach dropped right from her body just as Sister Aitana’s fist connected with it. 

It wasn’t her fault. She was expecting Beatrice to move, or to block it, but the girl hadn’t moved. So the blow landed, harder than intended, and the follow-on leg sweep had Beatrice’s back slamming into the mat, hard enough it echoed a little bit through the training area. 

Obviously she didn’t know the kid well enough to know what Mother Superion had been referencing to get her to freeze like that but it was suddenly very clear as to what this sparring session was about. Suzanne was testing the girl, seeing how well she could control her emotions and keep focus. If she had what it took naturally. 

She’d reached out to help the young warrior up, apology in her eyes, before Mother Superion stopped her. “Let her do it on her own.” The implication was heavy enough it almost rang in Beatrice’s ears– she’s been alone all her life, she should be perfectly capable of picking herself up at this point . 

Needless to say, if you ask Beatrice, it had all gone downhill from there… If you ask Aitana? The girl held her own admirably. 

But Aitana had been dismissed, and the real tormenting had begun. Each swing of the cane, no longer intended to spar, came swifter and more direct, putting Beatrice back on her heels. She didn’t know if she was allowed to strike Mother Superion or even if she should. Each blow, escaped, blocked, or not came with words growing harsher and harsher. Words Beatrice hadn’t heard since she left home at thirteen. Removed from her family for being an “ abomination” , spit with so much vitriol Beatrice could sometimes still feel it as it had only happened moments ago and not years. 

“What makes you think you’re good enough to be here?” 

Thwack . Mother Superon’s cane collided with the hard tile of the wall as Beatrice ducked and rolled away. 

“You can’t hide what you are forever.” 

Thud. A blow lands against Beatrice’s back echoing almost hollowly through her chest. She should have seen the follow-on strike to the one she’d evaded but each blow was coming faster now, and her limbs felt like they were moving through concrete. Each twitch of her muscle burned, her brain almost seemed to be lagging behind half a second to many for it to be of any use. It was like the trials all over again, almost. 

“You'll need to move faster than that. It’s almost pathetic, how hard you try only to never find success. Not while you are so weak. Who lied for you in your dossier?” 

Woosh. The cane whistled through the air as it came toward Beatrice’s cheek. But she saw this one coming in time, with a practiced smoothness Beatrice spun away moving her forearm to block her head as she found her rhythm again. Except… except… it wasn’t perfect—  

Crack. The hard wood bounced painfully off the side of Beatrice’s wrist pulling a suppressed yelp from her. 

“No wonder your parents cast you aside. Embarrassing. Shameful. You try so hard and yet… it’s never enough. You will never be enough.” 

Over and over. Horrible things Beatrice had heard her entire life. Things from her parents. Aunts and Uncles. Tutors. Benedict . Somehow Mother Superion knew what buttons to press, what buttons to slam, as the assaults continued with her cane. 

Was this all a punishment for letting the secret slip? Was this really what she deserved for making a mistake? Of course it was. Mistakes could not be tolerated in work like this. That much had been made very clear. Mistakes cost people their lives. More specifically, little boys who had their whole lives ahead of them. 

KEEP READING

[bigmafluff]

My Story Chapt.1 & 2

My

Story!

The Ultimate Fan fiction/Love story! Tom Hiddleston,

This is fiction it is not real I'm not this lucky! 

family!Courage ! Faith! And Kids! This book is a new life after parenthood. It is my new journey. And a not so guilty obsession. Thanks for reading!

Summary.

What happens When a Single Mom Who Has devoted her Soul to her Family. receives her Empty nest papers . That the world said she would never have. Hi I'm Shannon ! I'm a writer  well I want to be . Need a Publisher first.  Where are the Best . In the U.K. Didn't count on Love too. Come find out what happened. It's a great adventure.

Chapter 1

A shocking encounter.

{I want to break free. By Queen, Hello By Lionel Richie, and I can't feel my my face. By the weekend}

FREEDOM!

A new Beginning ! Yup something I thought this would never have. You see I'm a Autism Mom and helped my sis raise her 2 kid when she couldn't by herself. I was One of those mom's that where told That .I was gonna be Raising my Son Lucas all my life. Well God and Lucas had other plans. I'm So Dang Proud!!!!!! So Kids grown. Lucas has an Aide, A Job as a Mechanic/Car dealer back Home . I think the mechanic stuff is his hobbies cause My Lucas Love's to tinker. My Nephew is working for NASA/ and Microsoft which I also think

NASA thing is the hobbies . As I said Tinker Just smaller. Now My Niece Katrina . She Is my Butterfly . Totally out side the box, 4 tour's In the Navy. She's A Young Mama and A News Caster In Little Rock, Arkansas, USA. Here's the twist Her and Her kids do Video's on YouTube for fun.

Enough about My Babies. Writing was not the only reason to Go across the Pond to America's Father land. I had recently gone through several Surgeries to fix my body after losing a extreme amount of weight from a Lifetime of Issues with my weight. 2 charities offer to help me finish that Journey but the only Plastic Surgeon willing to touch me Is at Oxford University Hospital. So Here I Go A Strange women in a strange land .

So When I was all of sudden a Empty nest . I was struck with something I haven't thought bout sense childhood . What do I do when I grow up! LOL !! So I hit my bucket List and started @ the 2 Largest and hardest things to accomplish on that list . Fix my body and Write! . So College to get my literary degree. While Extreme Yoga, Running , lil' bit of Martial art's and Lessons In all form's of skating! [Skating Hobby AKA on DA list!] God, family, and Music Made it all worth it and surprisingly easy! Dream's come when your are working hard and not Looking for it. These are one of those.

Now I'm in a UK/London Airport bundled up with 3 List's and a map on my phone .Braving the unknown, Trying to find DA Baggage claim and Customs in the rather Large Heathrow Airport . Dang!!!! it was noisy! Honestly I wasn't even paying no attention to were I was going. I was just Focused on Trying hard to get out of this busy packed Building ,Stress &Anxiety times 10!!!!!

while heading to Customs Dragging 2 rolling cases and Large tote on my shoulder. I'm walking past a group of screaming women and teens along with flashing lights from camera's Butt I was determined to stay focused on Why I'm in a hurry. I hit something head on and drop to the ground my tote spill and it was like hitting a wall and all of a sudden all the noise stopped. I don't care who says other wise, British and Aussie Ascent's are smooth and sexy and butter! The are several men in the U.K. That send my fan girl hormones into Overload. But only 3 are Single Tom Hiddleston, Henry Cavill, and Luke Evan's.

Now Tom Hiddleston is epic. Stage, screen, voice, He is it. He is melt worthy . Hint's the screamers! 6/2 160 Stormy blue eyes , He's strutting the Black dye job for a movie he just finished he is a naturally curly blonde. I'm a sucker For men's curls no Joke. Pure Killer Eye Candy !!!!!

As I try to pick my things up and apologize I see a hand also picking up my things . He touched my hand and I look up and see those wonderful blue's I start to shake to nervous to talk . I shake my head and Just finish picking up my things . I don't have time for this and I don't want to have a fainting spell from nerves it this Airport. So keeping my head down I stand . Say Thank you and Apologize again for slamming into the man and Leave before he says anything.

One hour Later!!!!!

I made it to my hotel via Uber. I changed , called family especially Lucas my Captain America. I ordered pizza {Yes ! there is Pizza in the U.K."} And was going thru everything and found my Chromebook! But my Ticket receipt and my Night Manager Novel is missing . Well that sucks 'I'm hoping I can get home on the stub. I wasn't as mad about the receipt as I was about my Book. I Just bought it. Before I left I had watched the series With my sister. She said that I had to read

the book to get the full experience. I only just got past the 2nd chapter when I landed. Anyways I was laying down and working on the next book in my children's book arsenal. When I must of passed out . Cause I woke to The ringing of my phone.

I go to answer it .Noticing it was already morning. A very groggy Lucas Wishes Mama a good morning and goodnight due to the time difference. After 45minutes for trying to tell my son I am OK and he needed to go to bed. I was finally able to shower and get ready for my day. I decided to stay and write today so my body can adjust before I go rampaging thru London looking for a publisher. I got half way thru Luca 's day in wonderland when I git a knock at My room door.

I open The door and there he is again invading my Life and charging hormones I thought long dead. Thomas William Hiddleston and he was holding my book with the receipt sticking out of it and a white rose . I'm thinking DA rose was a sign of peace. I'm standing there speechless. I think He realized I was a little Star struck so he helped me Back in to my room . Sat me down and brought me the water bottle I had on my Nightstand . I took a sip and Shook My self out of the fog I was in.

I begin to stutter and When he put His Finger over my lips. He then Said " Calm yourself Girl then we have Us a chat Yes? Where is the Tea around here ,or do you drink it" . All I could do is point to the Mini fridge. Curiously He Looks in the fridge . Then I remembered The English drink it hot . Then I said Finally calmed enough to be clear.

" Stop ! Look above it next to the coffee pot. I drink my Tea cold. I'm sorry! I think the stuff you want is in the Lil' treasure box next to The pot Sir. After a Little while Mr. Hiddleston And I Had interesting Chat . Yes we did. Basically This very conceded ,Arrogant , But Knock-out Gorgeous Man. Basically Had to find me Just because I didn't ask his name or for selfie or any thing. Honestly I think he was Just messing with me cause He Saw My Funko babies on the coffee table . Yes! There were a couple of His there.

He asked what I was doing here In his Home Across the pond. I showed him my stories on my Chromebook. Hey I was thinking he might be able to help me. I told him I was looking for a publisher . I also told him I was Do to have surgery I a couple of weeks, while I was here at the University Hospital. Hey When I get nervous thing's just spew I can't help it. So I told Him all of It Right down to my sudden empty nest. All while he read one of my Stories and nodding. He is in the middle of, Luca and The Golden Lion.

Thomas asked me some Questions about the story. I asked him some to. We bantered and I was surprisingly calm and comfy just chatting along. No longer nervous or anxious . We had been talking for hours . Tom was getting ready to leave . He handed me my book then held my hand there then whispered in my ear making me shiver." Still no selfie , no autograph, or Scream, Well Mrs. Jones. I would say You weren't a fan except for your greeting. So what is a Guy to do to get your attention. We will find out won't we, Till I see you again my Lady." I closed the door behind him as he left. Then promptly passed out right therein front of the door. Life just got interesting !

Chapter 2

Career Change Wow!

[Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the waves, Hay YA by OutKast, High hopes By Panic at the disco.]

I woke the next morning to sunshine and birdsong. It must be a sign I am on the right track. So Coffee a Shower and breakfast burrito's at McDonald's, and I'm out in London . I'm Publisher hunting. I had a call from the Hospital about my per-opp appointment for surgery. That is in a few day's. So Little nervous about that . As I walk into my first office building then I Stop in the lobby when my phone rings.

It was a local # so I answered . It was a Guy named Luke Parsons He is a free lance publisher that heard about my stories. I was shocked how did he hear about me. He asked if we could meet at his office at 3pm. I agreed,he gave me the address and hung up. I went in to the build kinda stoked . I figure I try all my options. So through out the day I went to many publishing companies all saying the same which pissed me off to no end. But did I show it NO. Just because I'm American they won't even Look at them. I couldn't even eat . I grabbed a Juice @ a convenience store, then went back to my hotel to change. I needed time to find this place for my 3:00 meeting with Mr. parsons and I want to make a good impression since I was rejected so many other times today.

So I decided to call a Uber because I felt I had been walking all day and needed a small break . When we Pulled up to the Building and guess who was standing there with a smart ass smile on his face! Yup! Tom was opening my door after paying the driver , which I didn't expect. He grabs My hand and kisses my palm. Honestly why is a guy like him even paying me any attention . I'm not the tiny,skinny little thing that he is normally with and I don't act or sing. It's frustrating and exhilarating at the same time. GOD HELP ME!!! I told my self.

I asked Tom what he was doing here and then everything clicked. He told Mr. Parson's about me. When I asked how he knew Mr. Parsons. Tom told me that Luke was a Publicist by trade but had a small publishing company on the side as a hobby. So not letting go of my hand Thomas took me inside to meet Luke. Tom stayed in the waiting room as I went into Luke's office. He didn't have a huge office, but it was still dark and intimidating. The tall blonde man in the gray suit, stood and shook my hand . And I sat in the chair across from his desk. when I was going to speak. But he straight shut mt up with a finger. He started Hounding me about Tom. Ii became Anxious and when that happens I Babble and stutter badly. I spilled everything from my weight to the confrontation @ my hotel. By that point I am crying and Thomas came in and took one look at me and Was about to give Luke the business when Luke stopped him Saying He needed to Gage my character. Do to the fact that Thomas was one of his most prominent Clients. I relaxed cause Tom did. And Luke apologized .

When all was calmed. Tom pulled a chair next to me. He told me to go ahead and give Luke my flash drive with my book copies on it . All while holding my hand and rubbing my back . I have to admit I had a small smile on my face cause I was feeling @ peace with TWH sitting and pampering me. It was nice. Mr. Parsons plugged my flash drive into his desk top. While telling me to call him Luke. He said regardless if he likes mysteries or not He is probably gonna see a lot of me because he was Tom's Publicist. I am not giving any weight to that remark not yet .AHAHAH!!!! As Luke was reading Tommy and I were talking and Honestly I needed to get a lot of my frustration's off my chest .Unfortunately Thomas was my victim , willing I might add considering he was grinning the whole time.

Once I was done giving the 3rd degree to Tommy. He squeezed my hand then answered." Well Shannon. I have been in this business for a while now and out of all my so called fans. I never had one Ignore me! They'll always wanted something from me. A picture, to Kneel,autograph,selfie,hug,any attention I would give they sucked it from me. But when you ran into me at the airport. The funko toy's spilling from your bag told me your were a fan and I saw your face you recognized me, I heard you breath hitch. Yet you said sorry and left. No selfie, No nothing. It intrigued me so much I had Luke here who was with me that day check you out using the stub and book with your name and address in America in it . Which also gave me more proof you were a fan." as he continues to explain I look at him in awe he has no clue how bad I want to fan girl and ask for all those things but my heart may be with him but my mind is on what Luke is doing because Luke has my future in his hands.

Back to Tom's explanation." Shannon I came to your room Just to give a fan a gift. On my way to my Mother's for lunch. I ended up canceling lunch when you froze on me. Then I was so humbled by your nervousness. Dearling ." He says as he caresses my face ,raising Luke's eyebrows he is reading. Tom finally finishes with," As I was leaving your room I knew I had to know you more and since you were Looking for someone to help you get your stories read I talked to Luke about it and he was happy to get a new client especially one not for the public business but for His hobby. Now that I explained everything Love turn and listen to Luke I think he has something to say."

That caught my attention. I shook off the haze from listening to Tom . Turned my head to see a smiling almost ecstatic Luke. Looking at us. Then retold me he loved my stories. He said the fan-fix he even might know someone who might want to turn it into a play with the right circumstances. The other 2 he wanted to know if this is a story arc Like the old Harry Potter Series going on cause he could make it happen if there was gonna be more. He also asked about the Illustration in the stories.

I answered him promptly,about Luca and his daydreams and how they relate to my son who is Autistic and who also did the pictures for my stories Neither of them realized I was a mother . Which took both by surprise. Luke asked if I was married . OMG ! Would I have let Tom flirt with me if I was. Yes ! I would have, But I told Luke the truth I have been separated and divorced. For many years. And my Son is almost 30. that floored Tom ! I guess he thought is was younger Ha! Wait till he finds out I'm 2 years older than him. Dang straight! Cougar Power !

Now I get excited when Luke pulls a rather large group of paper's out of his desk. And writes on them. The put's them in front of me and explains. "Now Shannon can I call you that . Of course I can!" I just nod quietly." Well Shannon this is a contact for exclusivity. So anything you write is published through our Publishing company. So any fan based Fiction, Lucas stories all of it Go through us. Do you understand that Shannon?" I nod in understanding. He continues, "I am going to pay you up front for the 3 stories you have now plus signing bonus. Although only 2 are guaranteed to hit book shelves very Quickly.

Also I am Also going out of my way and despite conflict of interest with Tom I going to take you on to navigate your public appearance as well. You will need that for book signing's and such. I will also make sure Lucas gets paid for all his pictures and any future picture's for your book's. Now one last thing that may help ease your mind a bit Shannon. Tom Has nothing to do with this contract or the merit of your stories. It was just a lucky shot for both of us that He was the one you ran into in the Airport and that he knew what Me and a few friends do in our spare time. Helping Storytellers get their stories read when no one else would is what we at Parsonage publishing are here to do most the commissions I'll receive for your book go to the Literacy foundation here in the U.K. Which is 5% but I also am taking10% for my Public work. But you won't even need to worry Shannon. I'm prepared to make you a very Popular and rich woman."

Honestly I am froze I did not think Lucas's and My stories would be this popular. Especially on there own merit. I'm speechless! Until Thomas starts shaking me to get my attention. I Turn, Tom point's to Luke. I turn and Luke asks? " Shannon Darling did you get all of it or do I need to repeat any of it?" I tell Luke as I take a look at the contraction front of me. Tom still holding my hand and I am thankful for the support. I got it surprisingly knew what the whole Author gig entails so to have Luke help me with both sides of that is a life saver, but I still have one or two questions.

" OK Luke ! I got most of it I am just got a couple questions? 1st Are you sure about the Public side I can find another if it helps your piece of mind. Also Are you sure my little stories are gonna get that popular and Last if so who has a pen. To my shock and tears. He answered all my question reassuring me of his sincerity and excitement .He also gave me a pen to sign my first almost million $Contract. I was so giddy . Luke asked for my main info like email ,cell, direct deposit > I just realized I'm not a disabled parent anymore. I am A writer/Author ,gainfully employed . I am crying Laughing and falling off my chair taking Tom with me.

While Luke gets me copy of my contract I had just signed . Tom Kisses my palm then he was kissing the my forehead. Then He shocks me by looking me straight in the eyes , Blue on Blue then asking out to Dinner tonight. WAS THIS A DATE!!!!!!????????????????