#shamelessly stealing the epigraph from The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock

[old-souldier]

#16: Bond

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse A persona che mai tornasse al mondo, Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero, Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.

She was overdue.

Really, she wanted to be here in the spring on the anniversary. The sudden mobilization and campaign across Gyr Abania had made this trip impossible and it was now late Autumn when Jordan ventured out into the Twelveswood. At the very least she thought  I don't 'ave ta worry 'bout my swivin' 'ay fever this time a year.

Carefully she plodded along, mounted on her steed and Sister-in-Arms, Pipa. Behind them, following at his own pace, was a large brown bear. Jordan would at times look back and whistle to get his attention and know when to catch up, but otherwise, she let him to his own devices. These woods were his home, after all. She hoped he enjoyed the visit.

As for Jordan, her goal was a bit more elusive. It was the day before Sami's 21st birthday. Twenty-one, already married for a year and a half and, by Jordan's reckoning, doing a damn sight better than she did at her age. Jordan chuckled for a bit May'aps I should get 'er goat a bit askin' 'bout grand kids. Don't think either of 'em are ready, but would be nice ta 'ave little ones ta spoil. Though with that spindly noodle fer a father, they won't be little fer long.

Jordan distracted herself for a few hours like this as she slowly traveled through the Shroud, moving from the larger, established roads into nestled back roads and trails, then further into proper forest and back country. Jordan was no forester, who could eyes the constellations, spot The Balance or The Arrow and know where they are in the thick of the canopy. But Jordan could handle the terrain well enough. She had learned, a long time ago  in another life, that the people of the woods used the forest and managed it in their own ways, even if the Gridanians didn't approve. Jordan gave a bitter laugh and thought, One thing nice that came out of that 'orror in Carteneau, made the bleedin' Elementals sod off ta the Seven 'ells. Sooner see the whole of this burn than ever hear them bastard breath a word 'bout 'Greenwrath' anew.

Once the forest was too slow going on chocobo, Jordan dismounted. She fed Pipa some fresh greens and let her rest. Ol' girl's gettin on in years. She looked up and saw a bit of motion. Jordan knelt down and found a rotted log to hide behind. After a moment, she realized it was a bear with a red ribbon on his neck,

"Oi, Cuddles!" Jordan said followed by a whisper. "Stop scroungin' about. No salmon 'ere in the woods."

Cuddles looked up, gave a plaintive growl, the continued sniffing around. Jordan ignored her ursine charge and slowly plodded forward, watching for slick moss and sharp rocks.

'Tis a futile exercise, this. Every time I try ta find the spot where we were n' every time I 'ave ta guess. Twenty years on now from back 'en. They're all gone, too, save Sami. Yer a bloody fool.

Jordan sighed. Softly she whispered. "Aye... What good's a Sea Rat in a land locked piece a piss such as the Black Shroud?"

Jordan walked a bit longer, pulling Pipa along slowly behind her and whistling a bit to remind Cuddles where she was. She found a bit of clearing and, with her supplies, made a shelter and a fire. Once the sky was dark and the waxing half-moon was high in the night sky, Jordan sat down near the fire and closed her eyes.

"Amh, love... I wish ye could see yer baby now. I told ye 'bout the weddin last time, but she really came inta 'er own. There were them years I 'eard neither lide nor tail 'bout where she was. She left me 'ouse, her 'ome and just set off. Damn foolish thing, but... I wasn't the best mum. Maybe ye'd've understood better. Maybe it's just a Keeper thing ta want ta be free er maybe kids just always disobey their parents when they get that age."

Jordan chuckled, "Wand'rer, 'elp me, I must 'ave put me mum in an early grave that way I was..."

Jordan nestled a small quarter log into her fire, making sure it stayed contained. She warmed her hands a bit and breathed in the warming smoke.

"But now, Sami is so well and just... I wish ye could see 'er, Amh. I wish ye were here. I think 'bout that day all the time. The moment when maybe, just maybe things could've worked. Maybe I would traded in me sea legs for a landlubber's pair, er if that shrew 'ad cast ye out, we could've lived in a bungalow, facin' the big, blue, Rhotano. I think about yer blue eyes n' that fang a yours that stuck out just a bit more 'n the other one, n' the turquoise n' silver earrings ye 'ad that were from yer own mum afore she passed."

Jordan leaned back on the large rock she had moved to rest against. "I would've liked ta grow old with ya, Amh. 't seems I grow old n' all I can do is grow old alone. May'aps, if Wand'rer sees fit ta let me see his 'eaven, may'aps I will see ye once more."

Jordan coaxed the fire a bit longer, until she grew sleepy. As her eyes grew heavy, she felt herself nestled by a smallish chocobo and a significantly larger bear.

The next day, at just before daybreak, Jordan wandered out of the Twelveswood and rode quickly south and, after finding stabling Pipa and her ursine charge, swallowed her pride and let herself travel aetherially to Ul'dah. After paying the fee and using a nearby trashcan to throw up stomach bile, she made her way to the markets. She was near ready to give up when, in a jewelry stall that seemed to promote the gaudy, gold works of the Ul'dahn Goldsmiths, her eye spotted something else: a pair of silver drop earrings that, as part of their look, sported streaked stones of turquoise. Asking for their price, the stall owner said.

"Those? I'll give you a good deal. Not much call for that kind of look right now, but I see you have an eye for the classics." Jordan rolled her eyes at the transparent praise, but took them anyway.

After a quick bit of time washing the smell of smoke and patches of moss, chocobo dander, and bear fur in the public baths, Jordan made it to Sami and Larson's apartment.

Sami seemed glad to see her mother. She was a bit annoyed when asked about grandchildren, but then Jordan gave her the earrings.

"'ere, dearie. I saw 'em by the shops today and thought they'd look good. They're turquoise, but got just enough green ta go well with her eyes n' hair color."

Sami blinked in surprise at her mother, but took the earrings and put them on. She walked to a wall mirror by the door and looked them over.

"Wow, they're, like, not too big, either." She quickly moved her head around. "I can fight with 'em, if I have to or some junk!" She turned around and walked towards her husband.

"Sweetie, what do you think." Larson was reduced to a bit of a stammering mess until he simply gave his wife a thumbs up and a flushed cheeks.

Sami walked back to her mother and knelt down, giving Jordan a hug.

"Thanks mom. This was, like, a real nice present and junk."

"Better ‘an that stuffed aldgoat I made ye when ye turned six?"

Sami laughed, "I mean, I hope the turquoise don't, like, fall out like Bobo's eyes did or something."

Jordan nodded and said softly as she hugged Sami again, "I love you, dearie. We all do."